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thedamageofherdays · 3 years

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This week's (16-08-2021 - 22-08-2021) reading log is here. This week's reading log is super duper long and filled with lots of good things (my apologies for the long post, I really could not find a good spot to do a read more). I discovered some new favourites and re-read some old favourites and while I had an intense week personally at least the fics I read were absolutely phenomenal. I do recommend checking out the warnings as some fics are a bit heavier/angstier and you might wanna be prepared. Most of these fics are Stucky but there are a couple of other ships in between.

If you are looking for more fun and/or good things make sure to check out the @marveldisabilitycelebration as well to see all the awesome art, fics, meta, etcetera people created! And while I am mentioning events I am a mod for let me also just quickly mention that sign-ups for the @stuckygiftexchange are still open until the end of the month <3

Favourites are marked with a 🌻 Fics that are only available to AO3 users are marked with a 🔒 and Tumblr fics are marked with a 🍀

🌻 The Bends by dreamsinthewitchouse @dreamsinthewitchouse [Danbeau, side Stucky, 2k words, Teen]

Memory is not a house you can just walk back into after finding the key you thought you’d lost. It’s a thing you wade into and out of, rewriting it as it rewrites you.

It’s not without its rewards, either - recovering a memory about Maria and Monica, about her life, feels better than socking a thousand bad guys in the face, better than all the photon blasts in the world.

Then again, realising there’s still memories she can’t access, even after all this time, feels like drowning in space.

Not the one out there - the one inside her.

🌻 Sweet & Salty by musette22 @musette22 [Stucky, 3k words, Teen]

Idiots in love. That's it. That's the fic.

When life gives you lemons by moonythejedi394 @moonythejedi394 [Stucky, 34k words, Explicit] (11/15 chapters)

Or 13 Terrible Things to Do With Lemons Other Than Making Lemonade

Steve Rogers is a home health nurse. He works for an agency, which assigned him to the aging Winifred Barnes, the one and only Silent Era Hollywood darling. As her needs increased, she requested the agency assign Steve to her full-time. She could pay for it, so she got it. Steve then moved in with her, becoming her caregiver; he cooked, he cleaned, he managed her medications, he made sure she was comfortable.

Winifred's children treated him less than ideally. He was the help, after all. And then Steve had the audacity to go and turn out to be eldest son James Barnes's soulmate. No one saw that coming.

🍀 SamRhodey Tumblr Fic by ipoiledi [SamRhodey, ? words, Teen?]

“Wilson, this is Rhodey; Rhodey, Wilson,” Tony Stark says, and suddenly some six foot tall sexy guy is shoved right in front of Sam, and they both stumble a little, bumping into each other. This is a crowded party. “You guys have things in common, right?” Stark asks. “Uh, Army stuff. Talk about that. I hate wallflowers; stop wallflowering and talk to each other.”

Shorteralls by moonythejedi394 [Stucky, 6k words, Explicit]

The first time Bucky ever saw Steve Rogers, he was struck by how Neanderthal-like his response was. It was immediately followed by a bout of mental scolding. The second time was just about the same. The third time, it was actually appropriate for Bucky to start a conversation with him, at which point he was determined to be the gentleman.

No such luck. Steve Rogers is, always has been and always will be, a relentless flirt. These days, Bucky's Neanderthal-ist feelings about Steve are consensual and highly appreciated. More so now that they're having a baby.

what the fuck are perfect places anyway by tigerlilycorinne [Stucky, 6k words, Teen]

Steve clears his throat and stands. “Well, I should head in. I might want to begin packing.”

Bucky stills. “You won’t,” he says, trying to sound commanding. It only comes out uncertain. “Don’t.”

Steve shakes his head. “Maybe not tonight,” he says, and Bucky knows they’ll be discussing this again soon.

“Then stay. Play… play cards with me or something.”

Steve’s eyebrows jump up, his mouth tugging up in another of his bemused smiles that do things to Bucky’s insides, but he drops his hand from the doorway and steps back into Bucky’s room. Somehow, Bucky feels as if he’s won—not the war, just the battle.

Steve won’t stay forever. But he’ll stay for cards.

Steve and Bucky, on the run after Civil War (with a few alterations to canon), are laying low in Wakanda. But they can’t stay there forever.

🌻 honestly thought i’d be dead by now, but what you can trust is that i need your touch by moonythejedi394 [Stucky, 105k words, Explicit]

Bucky is 37 years old; he’s unmarried, hasn’t had a Sub of his own, is definitely not ripped, comfortable at his job as an Advanced Practice RN at Brooklyn General ER, and just got his Five Years coin from AA.

Steve is 26 years old; he’s unmarried, his last and only Dom has Alzheimer's, he's worryingly muscular, uncomfortable in his job as the government’s poster Alpha for masculinity and strength, and worries more than he should about his BMI.

Unfortunately, Steve and Bucky meet initially in a not-cute moment. Bucky’s tired as shit thanks to the sudden alien invasion that shook New York and Steve is tired as shit because he hasn’t slept more than 20 minutes at a time in – well, since 1936, probably. Bucky’s Alpha instincts get irritated at the sudden presence of another "Alpha" into his territory and Steve’s suppressed submissive tendencies latch onto this grumpy bachelor Alpha and he only suppresses it further.

Bucky’s grumpiness and Steve’s duckling impressionism aside, both of them are a mess. But since both of them are a mess? Their messes seem to fit pretty well together.

Deep Sea Diving by Aida Ronan [Stucky, 5k words, Explicit]

Steve's wallowing in heat-related misery under a shade tree in Central Park when a man walks by in bright red booty shorts and a crop top. RIP Steve Rogers. It was nice knowing you.

honey, make this easy by steebadore [Stucky, 8k words, Explicit]

Bucky likes the way he looks. His silk button up with the tiny gold polka dots feels soft on his skin and is tailored perfectly; no pulling at his chest or belly. His hair falls in shiny dark waves and his skin is smooth and dewy. He looks expensive. He looks taken care of. He looks like Steve’s.

🌻 let's take it back to the start by howdoyousleep @howdoyousleep3 [Stucky, 6k words, Teen]

How it all began.

This sleepwalking through my life. by barthelme [Stucky, 1k words, Explicit]

The internet is an interesting place and when Bucky came home (or, when he came to live with Steve), Steve did a lot of research. Apparently, it’s not safe to wake a sleepwalker. He assumes that waking a sleepwalker with traumatic dreams and PTSD is beyond just being frowned upon.

And he tells himself--has told himself--that this is safer for Bucky. That if he were to stop him and wake him up, that Bucky would be mortified to be slurping on his best friend’s cock. That all of the improvements he’s made would be lost, would be repressed, would be just--

They’d be back at square one.

So he lets Bucky do it.

🌻 the way i've been craving by howdoyousleep [Stucky, 3k words, Explicit]

"Lunch break at 12:30. My office. Hope you’re hungry…"

It’s the ellipsis that sends Bucky’s insides swimming warmly, his heart beating twice as fast against his ribs where he sits in class. Senator Rogers is concise, direct, to the point. Without an ellipsis this is lunch, this is a meeting. With it though?

This is a booty call.

nasty but classy by howdoyousleep [Stucky, 4k words, Explicit]

“No, you don’t have to know the purpose, that doesn’t matter. Nat showed me this challenge where couples drink a lot of wine and get drunk together but they can’t touch each other. And whoever touches the other first has to...has to give the other head.”

🌻 Put It on Repeat, It Stays the Same by giselleslash [Stucky, 20k words, Explicit]

Steve and Bucky have a one night stand that turns into a friends with benefits situation. A weekend snowed in at Bucky’s apartment brings to light how much that really doesn’t suit either one of them.

Greetings to the New Brunette by victoria_p (musesfool) [Stucky, 10k words, General]

"You said he should have a hobby. That it would help."

"I meant, like, knitting or coin collecting. Motocross, if he was feeling antsy. A baby's not a hobby. It's lifetime commitment."

🌻 Rogers & Barnes: Partners by triedunture [Stucky, 10k words, Teen]

Steve and Bucky have to pose as a couple for a mission. Nat insists it really is the only option. She's checked.

The complication: unbeknownst to even Natasha, Steve and Bucky's friendship has been rocky ever since Bucky confessed his tender feelings and Steve left him out in the cold. Can asexual, completely-in-love-with-his-angry-best-friend Steve complete the mission and win Bucky's heart?

(The answer is yes. Yay!)

this will be our year (took a long time to come) by biblionerd07 [Stucky, 4k words, General]

Bucky's therapist is worried he's using Steve as a crutch and wants him to try going on outings without Steve. It wouldn't be terrible, honestly, if Bucky could just manage to open his mouth and say something to Steve.

I'll hold my breath by Little_Lottie (tfwatson) [Stucky, 8k words, Mature]

Sometimes Bucky’s hands flex in Steve's direction. Neither of them knows exactly why, but at least one of them has a hunch.

Bucky touches everything but Steve, even though Steve is all he really wants to touch.

Start from the Beginning by Mumble_Bee [Stucky, 13k words, Explicit]

What about a sex pollen fic where the pollen-ed one doesn’t remember getting hit in the face with a sex flower, and wakes up midway through the depollenating?

Or: the one where Steve wakes up on his back with a stranger buried balls-deep in his ass.

Match by emphasisonem [Stucky, 4k words, Mature]

The situation’s actually kind of funny from the right perspective, Bucky thinks as he reads the message for what feels like the hundredth time. He’s finally matched with a hot, funny guy. Tall and broad and clean cut. An absolutely breathtaking smile. Bucky’s walking wet dream. And he’s good. They haven’t messaged on the app, but Bucky already knows him.

He knows him because Steve Rogers is an art history professor at his university. His art history professor.

Best friends and married since childhood by StuckySituation [Stucky, 1k words, General]

Inspired by @/peterssquill's post in tumblr: "bucky and steve got married on the playground when they were like eight and though neither of them would ever admit it to anyone, even each other, they still consider it official"

~♥~ ♥~ ♥~

“Natasha, stop trying to set me up with every woman you meet, I’m-”

“Too shy? Too scared?”

“No, I’m-”

“Too busy? You’re mostly retired these days, not a good excuse anymore.” Natasha smirks and then drawls: “Or just too gay?”

Steve flushes at that, even if isn’t true -- he’s bisexual, not gay. “Let it go, Nat, I’m not looking for anything. I’m already married, for fuck’s sake.”

Clearly not what she expected. “What.”

Steve grimaces. He didn’t mean to tell anyone that, ever.

“Sorry, can’t talk about it right now!” he says and jumps out of the plane.

Nobody Should Be Alone on a Holiday by emphasisonem [Stucky, 2k words, Teen]

“So, um-” Bucky begins speaking again, pulling Steve from his less-than-work-appropriate thoughts. The brunet has shoved his hands into the pockets of his dark slacks, and he’s shifting from one foot to the other as he smiles shyly. “I have a question for you.”

“Shoot,” Steve grins, leaning back in his chair and crossing his arms over his broad chest. Bucky swallows deeply as one of his hands comes up to pull at the collar of his button-up, and Steve can’t help following the motion of his Adam’s apple.

“I was, uh-” Bucky continues- “That is, I heard you don’t have Thanksgiving plans?”

In which Bucky finds out that Steve's going to be alone on Thanksgiving and invites his coworker to spend the holiday with him.

🌻 It's Been A Long Season Through by thiccbuckybarnes @thiccbuckybarnesfic [Stucky, 49k words, Explicit]

Bucky Barnes is in desperate need of a change in scenery, which is why he makes the foolhardy decision to quit his job, leave his asshole of a fiance, pack up his life, and move to his grandfather’s old farm all within a single day.

He expects confusion, hardship, and maybe even failure. But love? He wasn’t expecting that.

Or, a Stucky Stardew Valley AU that nobody but me wanted and that’s ok.

oh, peach pit, where'd the hours go? by thiccbuckybarnes [Stucky, 10k words, Explicit]

Can't see the forest for the trees.

Or, Steve learns that just because he and Bucky got their happily ever after, it doesn’t mean the past won’t come back to bite them.

I'll find my way by rainbow_nerds [Stucky, 725 words, Teen]

Steve had watched Bucky fall, and nothing had been the same since.

AU-gust day 19: Daemons

special delivery by glim @glim [Stucky, 6k words, Teen]

It's not that Steve's bad at taking care of himself when he gets sick; he just wishes he didn't have to all the time.

At least he can order most of what he needs online. That's some small comfort, that he can have soup and ice cream and everything else brought to his door.

at first chance i'd take the bed warmed by the body by spacebuck @spacebuck [Stucky, 8k words, Explicit]

This close, Steve can see exactly how beautiful his hands are. He’s never really noticed before, or at least he’s never really had a reason to notice, but the man’s hands are large, tanned like he works outside all day. There’s an endearing callus on the heel of one of his palms, and Steve can’t quite work out when calluses became endearing.

Steve pauses the video. Swallows hard. Casts his eyes around for anything that’ll keep his mind off the hands on his screen, off the words inked into those hands, the delicate shape of a bird’s wing, the curling edge of a vine.

He looks down. The name of the channel is right there, blaring the man’s name right into Steve’s brain until it feels like he’s known it all along.

Bucky Barnes.

OR: the one where Bucky's a youtuber who solves puzzles on camera, and steve's smitten and horny

🌻 Rock On! by millesable @marvelousescapism [Clintasha, 700 words, General]

“Hey, Romanoff!”

He lifted his hand, index finger and pinky finger raised, thumb out, all other fingers tucked. Their secret sign; their confession for the world to see, safe in the knowledge that the world wasn’t listening.

“Rock on!”

🌻 You Like the Way I Look by dontcallmebree @iamthe-wo-manwhocan [Stucky, 2k words, Explicit]

Bucky sidles up to him, hand boldly coming to rest on his chest. “What about you, big guy? Care for a dance?” Steve watches Bucky’s eyes twinkle with satisfaction, somehow already knowing he’s got Steve on the hook.

A decade out of the ice, Steve Rogers returns to New York. Reeling from a battle against the Chitauri, a night with the troublesome Bucky Barnes might be just what he needs.

Join the Rebellion by rainbow_nerds [Stucky, 765 words, Teen]

Bucky knew he shouldn't be out after curfew, but he couldn't resist the urge. He didn’t know where he was going, but he knew it was where he wanted to be.

AU-gust day 20: Dystopia

🔒 Five Days in December by mywingsareonwheels @mywingsareonwheels [Evanstan, 4k words, Teen]

“Shit shit shit shit...” muttered Chris to himself, glad that the sound of piped Christmas carols was drowning out his swearing amid the picture books. Most of the store was heaving even though it was Sunday, he’d been recognised at least three times, finding presents for all of his nieces and nephews was proving far more of a headache than expected, and he’d just sent a pile of copies of "Strictly No Elephants" tumbling off the bookshelf.

He scrambled about trying to pick them all up, and then dropped them again as someone bumped right into his backside. He lost his balance, caught himself against a bookcase, and a landslide of "Carter Is a Painter’s Cat" joined "Strictly No Elephants" on the floor. He yelped.

“Ah fuck, I’m so sorry… Chris!”

* * * * * * * * * *

London, December 2021. Amid cats, books, and the cold English drizzle, Chris finds everything he was hoping for and thought he would never have.

* * * * * * * * * * * *

Reaching for Fire by dixons_mama @dixons-mama [Stucky, 7k words, Explicit]

Bucky has always felt a fire in his heart (and other body parts) when it came to his boss, Steve Rogers, but he's made sure to never feed those flames. When he finds out about Steve's second job, though, he's tempted to let that fire out.

i've been dreaming of a face like yours by thiccbuckybarnes [Stucky, 3k words, Explicit]

Bucky is about to busy himself with making a small dinner for himself when he stops in his tracks at the figure drinking a cup of coffee in the kitchen, leaning against the counter and smirking at him.

It’s Steve.

“Surprise, sweet boy,” he says before setting his cup down.

Or, PWP reunion sex

🌻 Somewhere, Under Your Skin by thiccbuckybarnes [Stucky, 16k words, Explicit]

Bucky Barnes treats himself to a one-night stand after having a very bad no good day.

The sex is good--great, even. Might be the best sex of his life.

But Bucky wouldn’t have slept with the guy if he had known that he was going to continuously run into him every day for the next fucking month.

Or, a Big Grump Bucky has a hot one night stand with a college kid who is popping up everywhere in his everyday life and he doesn’t know how to deal with it.

(Written for HYBB Bingo Square: Grumpy Bucky)

i've played heartstrings before but not in your key by thiccbuckybarnes [Stucky, 11k words, Explicit]

He glances down, seeing a folded couple of papers, before peering up at Bucky. The older man is biting his bottom lip, making it pretty and red. Steve wants to run his tongue across where his teeth are digging into his flesh.

"What's this?" Steve asks, setting his phone down, emails forgotten. Bucky shrugs and looks away.

"I dunno. You tell me, genius," he says, sounding bratty enough that it makes Steve's dick twitch in his pants. Jesus, there has to be something wrong with him.

Steve glances once more at Bucky, who now has his arms crossed against his chest and is pointedly not looking at Steve, before picking up the stack of folded papers. He opens them, seeing a collection of maybe five or six sheets of paper. His eyes immediately land on the list of familiar words with negative next to each one. -- Or, Steve Rogers is a jealous, possessive little shit that wants nothing more than to mark up his boyfriend and stake his claim. And Bucky knows it. (And he likes it.)

🌻 I'm Home (With You) by BonkyBornes @padfoot-and-the-marauders [Stucky, 2k words, General]

In any other circumstance, the apartment would've been perfect. But it was today, and the fact that he was here meant he wasn’t out searching. He knew they hadn’t had any leads for weeks and he knew Natasha was right; all three of them were exhausted and a break would do them good. It just felt wrong to Steve that he was comfortable while Bucky was still out there—somewhere. Probably cold. Probably hungry.

The knock came again. Sighing, Steve unwrapped his hand from the dog tags and remembered how to move. Cold wind and snow greeted him when he opened the door. The solitary figure was walking down the steps, collar popped against the chill.

“Did you need something?” he called.

The person stopped. They were still. And then they turned. *

Or, the Christmas Steve deserved after Winter Soldier.

The portrait by rainbow_nerds [Stucky, 915 words, General]

Steve Rogers has a Gift. He can help people find their soulmates, all he needs is some art supplies, a quiet place, and eye contact.

AU-gust day 21: soulmates

Maybe A Muse by buckybarnesdeservestobehappy [Stucky, 2k words, Mature]

When Bucky Barnes needs extra money, he’s appalled that his best friends think he should become a model for the art department on campus. Shy, nerdy, and socially awkward, he’s not sure that’s something he feels comfortable doing. Still, he needs money, and he likes the idea of becoming someone’s muse. The problem is he had no idea two things would happen. First, one of the students in the class is exactly his type; second, he has to model nude.

#my reading log #r's reading log #fic rec #stucky fic rec #fics recs #stucky #danbeau #samrhodey #longpost #long post #clintasha #evanstan

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thevindicativevordan · 3 years

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You got any thoughts on Superman Birthright?

Probably my second or third favorite Superman origin, and the one that has my favorite Clark/Lex interactions.

Real pity it didn't get to stick as the "canon" origin because I like it a lot more than the Byrne origin that preceded it and the Johns Secret Origin that succeeded it. Smallville's influence is undeniable, but not a detriment, I like the Kents as flawed younger parents rather than wizened flawless mentors (if they have to be alive still when Clark becomes Superman that is). Pa Kent struggling with feelings of alienation with regards to Clark growing up and taking more of an interest in his heritage is still one of my favorite Pa/Clark moments in Superman's history. Ma Kent being a UFO buff is a great idea, apparently Waid had a story about that he never got to tell. I wonder what it was? Would probably make for a nice Annual or fill in story now that he's back at DC.

Lois is great of course, for all the reasons she usually is, as is Perry who gets way more panel space here than he usually does. Lois and Perry's relationship here is hilarious, love the gag where he writes out two lists of reasons to fire or keep her respectively. "No good place to hide the body" had me cackling. Jimmy though is just kind of there, he's the pal who has Supes back as always, but he's heavily overshadowed by the rest of the cast. Only real disappointment for me in terms of the core cast members.

There's a lot to like here in it's handling of Clark Kent as well. Love that Waid actually shows us Clark has travelled the world to gain some perspective, that he's not naïve or clueless, simply idealistic. He's seen the cruelty of the world up close, and he's also seen the way people react when they realize they're dealing with someone who has "gifts" (whether that's himself or Lex).

Showing us some of Clark's pre-Daily Planet journalist career is also a big pro for me, that's an area of Clark's life I wish got fleshed out more. Waid manages to establish a divide between the Clark and Superman identities that still makes the two feel different without it being a repeat of Pre-Crisis. It's a return to Superman being more "real" while Clark is more of a disguise, but "Clark" isn't bumbling so much as overlooked and ignored (which if you've lived in a big city is pretty much exactly how you get treated as a newcomer). His co-workers barely acknowledge his existence, Lois isn't giving him the time of day, Perry tears him a new one for not having a story to turn in about the ongoing alien invasion on time, Clark has to suffer in the trenches over the course of the story to prove himself.

Like Morrison's Action Comics run, this origin tries to fold a lot of the original Golden Age attitude back into Superman. This incarnation is a man with a temper, him shooting a gun then catching the bullet before it hits the guy who sold guns to a school shooter is literally a recreation of a Golden Age panel. Yet this isn't a "retro" take at all, despite being from Christopher Reeve's biggest fan. Waid writes Clark as someone who makes mistakes, fucks up in ways you don't typically see Superman do, and has a lot of doubts about whether or not he can live up to the task he's set before himself. Doesn't help that Metropolis doesn't welcome him any more easily as Superman than it does as Clark.

Public opinion about him is divided at first, then swings heavily to negative as Lex frames him for a false flag Kryptonian invasion, only to finally recover after he saves the day and exposes Lex. Personally I like Superman to have to work for that glowing reputation he usually enjoys, and if Lex is involved in trying to turn the public against him, so much the better. The anger and contempt towards Lex he demonstrates in particular sets the tone for the relationship between the two in the modern day.

Speaking of Lex, my God, this has got to be one of my favorite takes on him, and on his relationship with Clark, both pre and post Superman.

As adults Waid nails the Post-Crisis status quo of Lex being a selfish piece of shit who hides his nature behind a façade of philanthropy. For all his attempts at projecting an aura of power and intelligence, both of which he has in spades, Lex is so clearly defined by the lack of love and understanding he was shown as a youth. It's Superman "disrespecting" him, by not being happy to pose for photos with Lex after seeing him commit an act of sabotage, that pisses Lex off. For this "crime" Lex does everything he can to smear Superman to the public, and entertains holographic fantasies of dissecting Supes to copy his powers. He quips that killing Kal is "genocide" since he's the last of his people, something he demonstrates no empathy for at all given he laughs in Clark's face when he realizes Superman doesn't know he's the last.

Waid's Lex is probably one of the most monstrous incarnations, yet one of the most sympathetic as well. For my money, Waid is the one who convinced me that Clark and Lex being friends back in Smallville is a good thing.

One reason is that Clark gets to see how people react to "gifted" individuals. By observing the way Lex is treated for being unlike the rest, Clark gets a taste of what's to come if his own abilities were ever exposed. This has the dual benefit of establishing why Clark puts so much effort into making people feel at ease, and also establishing Lex as sympathetic for being unable to hide like Clark can.

The second big reason is that it shows why Clark thinks there's a chance Lex can be redeemed. Birthright Lex wasn't a monster from the start. At first he tried to help, but it always backfired. Doubling the efficiency of the milking machine scared/hurt the cows and upset Pa Kent, his ideas for how to improve the local government got rejected, and of course his experiment with Kryptonite. Sad twist of fate that Lex mistaking Clark's look of pain for the fear/disgust he sees everywhere else is what causes Clark to eventually give him that look of disgust for real when they reunite as adults. But having their first interactions be friendly instead of hostile makes Clark's hope that Lex can become a force for good feel grounded in reality instead of hopelessly naïve.

Can't gush enough about Yu's art either, he can make Superman look bright and inspiring, or scary as hell. His take on Metropolis makes it look and feel like a "City of Tomorrow", someplace exciting and dangerous, a city that needs Superman to protect it. Yu's Krypton is also one of my favorite incarnations, love that he gave Lara the S-curl! That's one idea from the DCAU I wish had become sacrosanct for all future origin retellings. Lara doesn't get to have enough influence on Kal to my tastes, so any little bit counts.

Sadly overlooked as it was coming out due to Azzarello and Lee doing For Tomorrow, it seems like it's risen in status after the fact. The S-shield being a symbol of hope on Krypton in addition to the El family crest has carried forward thanks to the DCEU (which is hilarious given Waid's feelings on that franchise).

Waid has another Superman project coming up next year with Brian Hitch that appears to be a "Year 2" follow up to Birthright. No clue if it will actually take place in strict continuity with Birthright, honestly it feels weird to have anyone but Yu do a direct followup to that, but Waid has said that a Superman run from him would basically be an issue 13 that continues from this story. I'm excited to see Waid take another big swing at Superman, I think he still has it in him to put out a great story, and Birthright being out of continuity may end up being to everyone's benefit. If this ends up being Waid's last Superman story, I hope he gets to do whatever he wants with the Birthrightverse. Kill off the Kents if that's his desire, I know he prefers them dead (as do I). Fingers crossed whatever he comes up with is good.

#superman #superman birthright #lex luthor #mark waid #dc comics

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itsclydebitches · 3 years

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RWBY Recaps: Volume 8 “The Final Word”

Well, we made it to the finale, everyone, and if you're reading this it seems you've survived the watching of it too. Barely. To say that some questionable choices were made across these 20 minutes is... an understatement.

But before we delve into the episode, I want you to cast your mind back to November 7th, 2020. A horrible year that heralded a horrible RWBY volume. There, coming off the shaky writing of Volume 7, I posed a number of questions and concerns that the show needed to tackle, with the promise that we would return to these expectations in four months time. Now, here we are! Let's refresh everyone's memory, yeah?

Taken directly from that recap, what RWBY promised us, through various teasers and Q&As, included:

Emphasis on Ruby’s leadership and how Summer’s death has impacted her

Insight into Ren and Nora’s flaws

May Merigold will supposedly have a larger part

More information about The Long Memory (Ozpin’s cane)

Theme of the volume is that you can respect someone but that doesn’t necessarily mean you agree with them

Very short timeline (supposedly just two days)

Yang in particular is very suspicious and distrustful

And you know what? They did all this. In the spirit of being fair and honest to this show, RWBY succeeded in delivering on everything they promised... it was just our foolishness that expected that these ideas would be delivered well. Ruby's leadership took center stage in the form of her hiding for multiple episodes and then others telling her she's still The Best before the plot dropped a solution into her lap... one she could have used at any point prior to this. Summer's death certainly has an impact, though it's an impact born of a crazy reveal that Summer likely isn't dead, but turned into a horrifying grimm monster. Ren and Nora both delve into their flaws, but heaven forbid either grow from that reflection. Ren learns that if he pushes past his primary flaw of keeping his emotions buried and actually expresses his doubts for once, he'll be yelled at and ignored until he admits how wrong he was. The "real" flaw is being a bad friend, with "bad friend" equaling "Not agreeing with Ruby 100%." Meanwhile, Nora considers that maybe she shouldn't rush in recklessly and hit things with her hammer... which is why she rushes in recklessly, hits something with her hammer, gets grievously injured, and is told that this is just who she truly is. No growth there, not unless we count her sudden desire to figure out who she is without Ren... but that exploration hasn't started yet. Too bad she wasn't the teammate separated at the end of the volume!

Meanwhile, May did indeed have a larger role to play, one I quite liked, it's just that this role — like all the others — inevitably circled back to realizing how wonderful Ruby is. May challenges Ruby to make a decision, but instead of being the catalyst for Ruby's growth, May becomes another forgotten side character who does a sudden about-turn regarding her perspective, leaving the group with the contradictory message that Ruby is actually doing her best, she's just a kid, no need to try any harder... everyone who claimed otherwise up until now was mistaken. May is another Cordovin. She's another Qrow. She's another Maria.

Fun fact: we don't even know if Maria is alive right now. That's how little she means to the show!

Actually, wait... anyone remember this nonsense from Volume 7?

I was too lazy to change the date.

Moving on, Ozpin's cane turned out to be a stakes obliterating bomb that came out of nowhere, makes no sense logistically — how do battles store energy that only hurts grimm? — yet nevertheless seems to have killed Hazel? It's a disaster of unanswered questions. Similar to the disaster of our two day timeline when, I'm fairly sure, we've had an unnatural number of sunrises and sunsets. I'll have to take a look back at the volume as a whole now that it's complete to be sure of that though. As for our themes... did we really explore the idea of respecting someone even if you disagree with them? Because Ironwood wasn't shown any respect. Ren wasn't shown respect. I think the closest we got was Oscar calmly validating Yang's worry about getting buddy-buddy with Emerald, but the whole point there was that Yang was wrong. She wasn't wrong, but that's what the text would have you believe. She is indeed "very suspicious and distrustful," but that's hardly unjustified in these circumstances. I'm still boggling at the fact that it took the group three volumes for forgive Ozpin, even while he was actively working to assist them, yet I-helped-destroy-Beacon-and-tried-to-kill-everyone-you-love Emerald is the group's new BFF after she... ran away with Oscar? She didn't save him, she just went along for the ride. At the very least we might have gotten a scene where Penny was like, "Hey, why are you all laughing with the woman who just tried to kill my dad?"

But oh yeah, the story doesn't remember Pietro exists either. His daughter is DEAD and he hasn't been on screen since Episode Five, let alone there when she passes.

I had my own list going in, including such expectations as "Ozpin bb you got done dirty please acknowledge this" and "Queer baiting, queer baiting… you’re on thin ice at this point, RWBY. Just skate on over to the queer snack bar before you fall straight into the lake." Obviously these needs were not met.

So what, given this mess of expectations, did we end up with?

Our finale — for some reason — breaks the one word title trend with "The Final Word." It's an expression that refers to the final word in an argument or a discussion, the idea of winning by making a last, devastating point. It can also refer to making the final decision on something, which is the best way I'm able to apply the title to this episode (outside of any “final” comparisons). Penny's death is certainly all about choice and making some kind of decision... but on the whole, this title doesn't feel like it fits well. Not like "Worthy" or "Creation" or "Risk." The two latter titles had obvious connections to the episode in question through dialogue and plot, while the former was a deliberate callback to Watts' speech. "The Final Word" feels... less obvious in what it’s trying to say.

That's a minor nitpick though. Let's get into the meat of the episode.

We open on the grimm whale still disappearing, which is weird. I get that it's massively bigger than any other grimm we've seen, but they all turned to dust near instantaneously and it's been, what? At least an hour since Oscar blew it up? Likely longer when we factor in their walk back to the manor, the fight with Ironwood, fixing Penny, and this entire evacuation. It certainly makes for a nice visual, but like so many details in RWBY, it raises unnecessary questions along the way.

The important bit though is that amidst the whale carcass a blob of evil is swirling about. Salem, obviously.

She’s not reforming in time to actually do anything though, don't worry.

Instead, we cut to the Ironwood vs. Winter fight and there's at least some dialogue this time. Ironwood yells that he's sacrificed everything to keep Remnant safe. Winter yells back that he actually sacrificed everyone else. Obviously, Ironwood should be called out for things like, you know, his unprompted murders, but instead they have Winter listing stuff that she was never shown to have a problem with before. The embargo? "Squeezed Mantle until it broke?" She, as Ironwood's second hand, understood and supported both the decision to close the border and the need to collect resources for a plan designed to take out Salem. I hate that no only did she turn without an ounce of hesitation or grief, but now they're having her act as if Ironwood forced these decisions on everyone, rather than everyone supporting him through them. We all remember Volume 7 when Ruby pressured him to finish Amity, right? And in trust RWBY fashion, most of these words are meaningless. Mantle "broke"? What does that mean? The class disparity did not come about through Ironwood: that's been in the works for generations. The lack of resources made things harder, yes, but when they were reclaimed by Robyn nothing improved. Watts is the one who turned off the heat and Salem attacked Atlas, leaving Mantle alone. Now, all the citizens have escaped through magical portals. So how is Mantle "broken" exactly? More importantly, why is Winter upset over this vague, nonsensical dilemma when she could be yelling about Ironwood wanting to bomb Mantle?

Again: this woman watched Ironwood shoot the councilman, shrugged, and continued to believe in him up until she realized his bomb threat was real. That was one of the main reasons why I thought the councilman might be alive, with Ironwood only shooting a warning shot past him. Because this is how you react to a good person unexpectedly killing someone else

whereas this is what we got from Winter and Harriet.

Hell, Weiss has more of a reaction to Yang telling Ruby things aren't super great right now.

So either Ironwood didn't do something that bad, thereby justifying these tame reactions (unlikely, given where his character ended up), or we should believe based on the animation that everyone was super chill with him killing an unarmed civilian. Which is then directly contradicted when they're like, "You're going to shoot Marrow? Bomb a city?? How could you do such horrible things??? 😲" Friends, buddies, fictional pals... you already watched him murder a dude.

The point is, there's a lot for Winter to be upset about, but she's not upset about that. There's a lot that Winter herself believed in, but the writing has forgotten that. This entire arc went off the rails a volume ago.

Also, why is Ironwood fighting with that giant gun? This is his final battle, presumably ever, and he's wielding this awkward, sluggish weapon we saw him randomly pick up two episodes ago? Let him use his regular guns! Give us a fantastic battle like he had with Watts! Instead, RWBY's final showdown consists of him using this no-name weapon as a unwieldy club in some of the most boring choreography we've seen to date. It doesn't help that this fight needs to share time with three others. Instead of an epic showdown, we're given glimpses of the battle before continually cutting away from it.

During that first cut we return to the Team RWBY battle where Penny, doing her best to stay out of Cinder's reach, is whisked away on Weiss' wasp.

Too bad she didn't do that for Yang...

Jaune and Nora watch this horror unfold until Jaune says, "Priority one!" and they split. Except... what is priority one exactly? Helping the civilians? I guess, because they don't enter the fight until the very end of it, when everyone else seems to have made it to Vacuo. And you know what, I like that. For once it feels like the group — or at least the B Team — is acting like huntsmen, putting the needs of the people over their own, personal desires. I'm sure Nora wants to help the group after Yang's (presumed) demise and that Jaune would like nothing more than to get his hands on Cinder, but they put those grievances aside to do the work they signed up for. Good job!

My only real gripe is that we don't really see this struggling in the animation, I'm just assuming it's there. In particular, there's a moment when Jaune sends Nora through the portal for reinforcements — not knowing they can't return — and they seem a little too jovial when, by this point, three friends have died.

There's letting your cast be supportive, and then there's having them ignore that three teammates have perished in an abyss. It really doesn't help to sell the idea that Yang, Ruby, and Blake are in any danger here.

But I'm getting ahead of myself.

Penny tells Weiss that since Cinder is really just after the Maiden powers, she can buy the rest of the group time to escape. Weiss, obviously, isn't fond of this idea... and then the both of them are blasted off the wasp by Cinder's fire. Which they deserve, frankly. They're just having this casual conversation about sacrifice while in the middle of a battle. Did they somehow forget that Cinder can fly too?

Note that multiple attacks from Cinder, another blast, and a hard landing on the pathway gives their auras a knock, but doesn't break them. The primary defense for Yang's aura shattering in a single, simple hit was that everyone is exhausted and running on little to no power... yet here the rest of the cast is, tanking multiple hits as we've come to expect. There is no explanation for Yang's defeat except that the writers chose to ignore the rules of their world for a dramatic death scene... even though that drama was erased a week later as half our team falls into the void too.

We'll get to that though. For now, Cinder corrects Penny's belief with "I want it all" and proceeds to try to finish them off, only for Blake to arrive, having made her choice from last episode about who to help. It's a legitimately nice attack, but I happened to pause at the bEST MOMENT

Anyway.

We leave that fight to return to Qrow and Harriet who have, off screen, started an entirely different battle. What I mean is, last we saw Qrow had broken through the windshield of the airship, roughly pinned Harriet, and was taunting her about getting the fight she wanted. Now, suddenly, he's going “You’re making a mistake, Harriet, what happened to Clover—” as if he's been trying to talk her down this whole time. It's jarring, especially when we consider that Qrow had a volume long "kill Ironwood" arc that was dropped because... Robyn reminded him that murder is bad? RWBY feels like a storytelling pinball machine. Characters bounce from one personality to the next, one perspective and another, round and round until you don't know where they'll end up.

Harriet screams for Qrow to just shut up already and honestly? Same. I love Qrow, he's one of my favorites, but I can't deny that he's been done dirty like so many others since Volume 6. I love who Qrow was, not the mess RWBY has created the last few years.

Time to delve back into fic after recapping!

Sadly though, this strange dialogue wasn't the only "wtf" moment. Harriet is still trying to drop the bomb — which is its own mess of confusing motivations — when Vine and Elm show up on Harriet's ship. Elm begs Harriet not to do this "because you’re our friend!”

Am I glad that they finally acknowledged that the Ace Ops have always been friends? Sure, but why did we spend two volumes claiming otherwise? They were friends, a fantastic team, then Harriet announces that's a lie and we get a bunch of "Team RWBY is superior because they're actually friends" messages. Except this entire time we're still watching the Ace Ops be kind and playful with one another. But they're not friends, the story says. Not friends as they fight these battles. Not friends as they grieve for Clover. Definitely not friends as they react in horror at Ironwood nearly shooting Marrow. No, there's nothing there... until Elm claims there is! Then Harriet reacts in shock. I have friends?

Except Elm was labeled the one "just following orders" by Yang. Elm is the one who shook off Vine after the whale exploded. This isn't the story of one character, Harriet, thinking she was alone and then realizing that people do care for her, this is a story that, seemingly at random, had this group being BFFs or acting like they hated each other — and at each point the visuals are contradicted by the story's message. When they act like friends, we're told they're not friends. When they don't act like friends, we're told they really have been this whole time. I mean, do any of them even care that Marrow teamed up with Qrow and Robyn to take them out five minutes ago? All three were going along with Ironwood's scheme until they were physically stopped, but now Elm is convinced this is a bad decision she needs to talk Harriet down from with the power of friendship?

None of these characters are characters, they're just slapped together reactions based on whatever the plot needs. Who is Elm? I've got no clue. Her personality changes every episode.

Also, love that Qrow moves to stop the bomb from dropping and Harriet screams at him to "Get out of the way!" rather than just... attacking him? She even throws her hands out like she's having a temper tantrum. This feels like schoolyard bickering, not a life or death struggle.

Even though, you know, the audience is aware that the people of Mantle have already been evacuated and Qrow's group is aware that Atlas is falling on top of Mantle as they speak, so... why does the bomb matter? It's going to, what? Destroy the city thirty seconds before Atlas does? Oh no, the horror.

Things then, if you can believe it, get even worse. The bomb is still about to drop, so instead of doing anything to stop it — I mean seriously, we know it takes four people to shoulder the bomb's weight, but you're telling me Qrow and a reformed Harriet can't snag it in a pinch? — Qrow sits there, looks at Clover's pin... and the bomb careens towards the side of the airship instead, stopping.

Because I guess Qrow has good luck now? Or always did and somehow never noticed it? Or his semblance evolved?? Again, we don't know, but it's a bad moment any way you slice it, imo. Qrow has always been defined as the guy with a bad luck semblance and, much like Penny's android struggles, the allure was in watching him overcome those challenges, not having the show erase the challenge entirely. Especially when we don't even understand how it was erased. Qrow just... stops drinking, stops caring for Ironwood, stops wanting to kill Ironwood, stops causing bad luck, I guess. RWBY takes major character traits and flips them off like a light switch, leaving the audience with no emotional tether. We didn't watch Qrow overcome his drinking, or realize he can't bear to kill Ironwood, or discover a way to live life with the horrible hand he was dealt, he just blinks one day and those things are gone. Why? No one is sure. Not even the writers, I'd wager, because otherwise they would have written explanations into the text.

Many in the fandom insist that any basic information provided by the story amounts to "hand holding" when in fact there is a massive difference between the sort of unnecessary exposition that bogs down a tale, and having facts enough for the audience in its entirety to be on the same page about what is actually happening. For example, recently someone argued strongly that the "Penny is human" take is incorrect because Penny isn't human, she has an inhuman body made entirely of aura... yet where in the world does this exist in the story? Ambrosius may have been unsure about what Penny would be prior to removing her robotic parts, but that ambiguity is gone once her body forms, the equivalent of worrying about that gun only for a flag with 'BANG' to appear instead of a bullet. Worrying about something doesn't mean that something actually occurred. Penny appears human, expresses human sentiments, and then, this episode, dies as a human. If it walks like a duck and talks like a duck and succumbs to the mortal peril that all ducks face... it's probably a duck. As I said in a recent ask, I implore the fandom to stop writing RWBY's scripts for them. Or rather, do so in some amazing fanfics. Don't do it on critical posts as a means of insisting that your revision is canon.

So Qrow has good luck now, maybe, but this character change doesn't amount to anything because Watts remotely starts the bomb's countdown.

At least he’s entertaining and competent. We had that for a time.

Back to the main battle, Neo is kicking Ruby's ass. Why? Because there's no consistency in power levels in this show. The ancient woman who hasn't fought in decades dances circles around Neo, highlighting how weak she supposedly is, yet now Neo dances circles around our main character. None of us should expect fights to follow the logic of the world, only what drama the plot wants to stir up. Ruby is eventually knocked down from a hard hit — yet her aura's intact! — and is saved at the last second by Weiss tossing Neo into one of the portals.

Far more of a problem than the power leveling is that Ruby gives no indication here that Neo just murdered her sister. Again, that's what the characters are meant to believe, yet Ruby is as stoic as she would be fighting a bunch of White Fang grunts. If you showed this scene to a RWBY fan on its own and asked, "What do you think happened prior to this?" the answer would be, "Uh... nothing? Ruby is just fighting Neo like she did on the airship in Volume 3." Nothing about this scene — from dialogue to animation — sells the idea that Ruby just lost the person most important to her in the world.

When we do finally mention Yang, it's Weiss who goes, “Come on, we have to do this for Yang” and the delivery is... meh. Honestly, I normally don't pay much attention to the voice acting, but I had a problem with most of Weiss' lines this episode. The "Leave her alone!" during this fight and later a "Get back!" as she attacks Cinder both fell really flat for me. Given the devastation and charged emotion that's supposed to be here, we can't give her anything better than generic cries that, again, she’d throw at any grunt? In that later scene the animation absolutely helps sell Weiss' distress, but the dialogue is common and the delivery has no emotional punch, leaving it feeling like Yang is just hanging out in Vacuo and they promised they'd beat the baddies before catching up with her. No one but Blake is acting like Yang died.

In fact, we see more emotion from Ruby when Weiss shoves her back, taking the brunt of Cinder's blast.

Weiss' aura breaks, not that that's a danger or anything. Everyone falls before they're injured, Winter gets the Maiden powers, Ren barely has to fight. Losing aura in this show used to be a moment of peril, where just last volume Winter was bruised, bleeding, and now needs an assistive device because she had to continue a battle with no aura. Now it's a joke. Aura breaks left and right across the volume with no repercussions attached to that.

We see a bit of the Blake and Penny vs. Cinder fight where Cinder blasts Blake off the edge. Penny rushes after her because at least one character remembered that they can fly.

Ruby, meanwhile, remembers that she can fly when it benefits her. After getting hit down onto a lower level and watching Crescent Rose plummet, she taunts Neo into an attack with a move that's actually quite good. I like the confidence with which Ruby riles her up and I like the strategy of darting behind Neo to knock her off the path instead. “Whatever you wanted, I hope it was worth it."

The only thing I don't like is that this speed and ingenuity had to disappear to justify Yang falling.

Cinder breaks Ruby's aura from behind though, sending her over too and grabbing onto Neo's leg. In an obvious moment born of the trope, it looks as if Cinder is reaching to help Neo, only for her to snag the Relic instead. “You should have never threatened me," she tells Neo and to Ruby: "you should have never been born.”

Love that they erased all that cool growth from last episode! And by "love" I mean "hate." As I said last recap, I'm not going to pretend that Cinder's character isn't riddled with problems, but realizing she was stronger by teaming up with Neo and Watts was one of the best things they've ever done for her. It made Cinder dangerous again and showed Watts' speech having a clear impact. It also made her more entertaining, creating a new dynamic among the three villains. Now though, Cinder is just... Cinder. The same boring, stupid Cinder we've had since Volume 4. She betrays Neo and then later betrays Watts.

So Cinder kicks Neo and Ruby both over the edge because why would we want to make her interesting? Neo falls, but Ruby has friends there to catch her! Unlike Yang. Jk. Weiss’ aura is gone and Blake actually tried both times, so major kudos for her. Using momentum supplied by Penny, she snags Ruby and hooks her weapon into one of the pathways... only for Cinder to cut the ribbon. Both plummet and once again Penny has a more believable reaction to all this, just like she did last week

Speaking of reactions, does anyone else find it weird that Cinder finally succeeded in killing Ruby and... doesn’t seem to care?

No? Just me?

At least we get that good animation with Weiss I was talking about before, even if the dialogue is lacking. I love that she snagged Blake's weapon and uses it to try and take out Cinder, shaking the whole time. Those are some great details.

Back to the bomb, Qrow is trying to escape, but Harriet says there isn't enough time to get out of the blast range. "I've killed us all." Vine has the solution though, using his semblance to wrap up the airship, thus containing the blast when it goes off. His final words are to reassure Elm that he can give his life, "if it means saving all of my friends." Just in case you missed the part about the Ace Ops being super close this whole time. Even though they also weren’t. Trying to eat your cake too, RWBY?

Frankly, I didn't feel much of anything during this scene, not when Vine made the sacrifice, nor when Elm and Harriet look on sadly while Robyn pilots them away (that's her contribution this episode).

All I can say is, good on RWBY for not killing one of the three dark skinned characters, or just murdering the Ace Ops as a whole. What the story is going to do with them though, who knows.

Jaune and Nora have that ‘You can do it!’ moment after three of their friends have presumably been killed. I swear, about 80% of Jaune's scenes do not work tonally and oh boy, things only get worse from here.

First though, I like his entrance. He slams into the fight against Cinder and lines up with Penny and Weiss, who is still dual-wielding her and Blake's weapons. That's an epic shot.

It looks as if they stand a decent chance against Cinder — Weiss' lost aura notwithstanding — except then Cinder's arm starts going crazy and she gleefully announces that Salem has returned.

Working on a time limit now, Cinder unleashes a volley of attacks that Penny steps in to protect the other two from. It's here that Cinder grabs hold with her grimm arm.

It's here that Penny dies. Again.

For the third time.

Friends, I am tired. This moment honestly deserves the most epic of rants, but that, in turn, requires energy. Energy? In this economy? Ha! That's hilarious. Taking this seriously though, the problem here can — as usual — be boiled down to a single question: What was the point?

Penny died in a horrible attack that shook the cast and audience both to their core.

That emotional impact was erased through her resurrection.

The resurrection did not create a new emotional impact for our heroes to grapple with.

Penny is given the Maiden powers, solidifying the fact that she's always been a "real girl."

That lesson was erased when the story decided to make her human for unexplained reasons (because no, she never needed to be human to survive the virus).

Penny then dies, passing the power to Winter... who was set to get the power in the first place.

We have, once again, come full circle. You can take Penny out of the story and nothing changes. Does Ruby lose any lessons or emotional growth? No. Does anyone survive who would have otherwise died? No. Does her getting the powers lead to someone unexpected snagging them upon her death? No. Penny's existence was filler. She was put in the story to take up time and, that done, was removed from the story once again. It's a choice that wouldn't be half as horrible if that filler hadn't done so much damage along the way.

First is the obvious: that Penny didn't deserve this. As a character, she didn't deserve to be brought back just to be killed off again, seemingly without narrative purpose, serving only to draw in viewers who RT knew loved the character. Second, keeping her in the story led to her entire arc unraveling. Initially, Penny died as an android in the world's eyes, but those who actually knew her — Ruby and Pietro — mourned the girl she really was. Now we have this horrible message that being a machine isn't real enough, so she has to die as a human being. It's a disservice to her character and, as an allegory for many minorities, downright insulting to the audience. Third, this offensive 'better to die as a human than live as a robot' message is wrapped up in the claim that Penny finally gets to choose something — “Let me choose this one thing. Trust me” — but she already did that when she chose to take the Maiden powers. We already had the better written version of this last volume!

And the fourth issue...well.

Fourth and fifth are the real kickers. Fourth is that Penny's death was an assisted suicide. She explicitly asks Jaune to kill her so she can ensure she's thinking of the right person when she passes (never mind that her thoughts would probably be on Jaune while this is happening) and that's... pretty horrible. Look, I'm no purist. I like a great deal of dark, gritty stories whose plot exists to make us uncomfortable. That's a valuable emotion that fiction can generate. The problem is not that RWBY is tackling a sensitive topic, but that they aren’t tackling it well. Yes, they put in a content warning and (from what I've heard) a suicide helpline as well, but providing the already necessary resources is not the same thing as writing that kind of scene with respect and care. All of the above tells us that, no matter what RT may have intended, that respect and care weren't communicated to the audience. Like Yang, they didn't even bother to keep Penny's death within the rules of their world. Jaune is right there ready to heal her and Penny says no, there's supposedly not time.

Um... since when?

Jaune's aura boost is instantaneous. The second he amplifies aura is the same second the healing starts and their talk could have been spent saving Penny. There was certainly time to save Weiss in Volume 5. To have a character go, 'Nah, it's too late' when the solution is right there is the ultimate cop-out. Suddenly announcing that the solution will no longer work For Reasons is not a legitimate limitation and it's made doubly insulting that RT didn't simply use the limitations already available to them. Jaune has been running low on aura since the whale. He then expended a great deal of aura boosting Penny to keep the virus in check. Every other ally has had their aura broken in this fight so, there. That's your solution. Have Jaune take a few hard hits from Cinder, his aura breaks, and then when Penny is mortally wounded he no longer has a semblance to heal her. It's that easy! Yet instead they had Penny reject help so that she could ask to die. That's what's offensive here.

Finally, reason number five... why is this moment given to Jaune? That's another easy solution: Jaune has gone through the portal and can't get back to heal Penny. There. Done. But logistics aside, this scene should have gone to any other character. Who is Jaune to Penny? Or Penny to Jaune? No one! They don't have a relationship. I get that the writers didn't want any of the girls at her side because then it would be hard to justify Penny not passing the power to them (which I get: making one team member a Maiden changes the show drastically), but you know who should be there instead of Jaune?

Pietro.

Pietro, who built Penny as a weapon and who was never given the chance to apologize for that. Pietro, who told Ruby he could only rebuild her once more, setting up an expectation that he'd sacrifice himself for his daughter (despite the complicated racial issues that would bring up). Pietro, who watched Penny plummet and has no idea what happened to her, let alone that she's been made into a human girl. Pietro should have been at her side, saying goodbye to his child and helping her complete her last wish.

And it would be so very easy to pull off. All it takes is a single line where Penny remembers that her father exists, asking Ruby to ensure a portal opens up in Amity. There's a quick reunion along the pathways before Cinder attacks. We hear a cry of despair as Penny falls and she looks, seeing her father racing towards her, though she thought he'd already made it out. There, you’re done. We open ourselves up to a lot of attacks whenever we say, "Why didn't RWBY just do ____?" because those who vehemently defend the writing like to go, "Oh, you think you could write RWBY better?" and no, I don't. I struggle with long-form storytelling and massive casts. I don't think I could do justice to the sort of show RWBY wants to be, but I do think I'm a decent enough writer to spot when there are major problems like this. The question of "Why doesn't Penny remember that her beloved dad exists?" and "Why, out of that massive cast, is Jaune the one to do this deed?" are both things that a newbie writer can spot, and a sometimes okay writer can figure out how to fix them both simultaneously. A good writer will start thinking about themes — what might it mean for Pietro to kill the creation he made? — and a great writer will find a way to pull that off without having that insulting, discomforting feeling pop up. At this point, our RWBY crew feels less like new writers making mistakes (because they're not new, not at all), but rather just writers who haven't bothered to learn from their mistakes after eight years. That's a lot harder to watch.

Because putting Jaune here doesn't just mess with RWBY's internal rules (not using his semblance) and it's not just useless in terms of Penny's development (she doesn't know him outside of "dude who boosted my aura for an hour"), but it also falls back into a pattern I thought RWBY had finally broken from: making Jaune the story's emotional center. This is not the JAUNE show. It's the RWBY show. Yet here, once again, we have Jaune in the spotlight. Why, after a whole volume of Ruby avoiding making decisions, does Jaune finally make the hard call? Why, after a scene where Penny asked Ruby to kill her, does Jaune do that deed? Why, after a divisive arc where all the grief for Pyrrha went to Jaune, is Jaune now set to shoulder the grief of Penny? At least Jaune had a relationship with Pyrrha, even if Nora and Ren did too. Yet with Penny he seems to be there solely because the writers can't bear to keep him out of that center spot for long. All of Team JNOR make it through to Vacuo... except Jaune. Jaune falls into the abyss too because, if the show goes this route, we apparently can’t have a volume just about Team RWBY, the main characters. The main characters are separated from the rest of the team and it's Jaune, not Oscar and Ozpin with a connection to the lore, not Nora or Ren whose development now hinges on them learning who they are without the other, it's Jaune who follows the title characters into a new dimension.

The issue is not whether Jaune deserves to grieve over the truly traumatic thing he just did now that he’s done it. He obviously does. The issue is the writers setting up a scenario where Jaune is situated to do that emotional work in the first place.

I like Jaune as a character. I don't like how the writing uses him as a character. RWBY is built on the idea that these four girls are the heroes of this tale, not the expected blond, blue-eyed, sword wielding guy we’ve seen in so many other stories. So why does that guy get the most important scene of the finale? Yes, Jaune had much less screen time this volume than he did in the past, that’s a good thing given the number of important characters RWBY has to balance, but that hasn't erased the problem of him being given significant moments that should be going to title characters. Does Ruby’s team rescue Oscar and take on Salem? No, Jaune's team does. Does Ruby's team save Penny? No, Jaune's semblance keeps her grounded and then holds the virus off. Not everything is a problem — we've also got good choices like having Ruby defeat the Hound and Ruby's team take on Cinder for the majority of the fight — but that doesn't erase that Penny’s death wasn’t something Jaune should have been a part of. Not unless he was going to heal her. Doing better than they have in the past doesn't mean that RT isn't still slipping when it comes to giving him undeserved focus.

They took one of the most controversial characters, controversial because of how much emotional focus he's gotten in the past, and had him help a fan favorite commit suicide while he cried about it, showing more emotion for a near stranger than our title character showed for her sister. This is a character who, up until two or three episodes ago, had no connection to the victim and still has no reason to thematically be the one committing this act. That is why the fandom goes, “The crew loves Jaune and does everything they can to put him in the center of the action.” Ruby, as main character and Penny’s first friend, is the obvious choice here. Pietro, as Penny's father, would be a good choice too. Hell, Nora is a better option given their moment in the Schnee manor this volume. Or Winter given their moments in Volume 7! Have her escape Ironwood, find Penny, receive the powers, and then finish him off. Literally anyone would be better than Jaune, not because Jaune is a bad character, but because Jaune has no emotional stakes here and putting him in a position where he could heal Penny but doesn’t is massively stupid. No one should be surprised that a lot of the fandom is upset about this. It was one hell of a reach to give him this moment and, since Jaune's problem has always been getting too much screen time and emotional nuance compared to our main cast, it's no wonder this act brought up a lot of bad memories. RT fell back into an old pattern after two volumes of improvement and they did so at the worst possible time.

The tl;dr is that Penny's third death is a writing travesty, just like her second. I shouldn't be surprised, given that this is the same volume that tortured a kid and the only thing they did with it was have him blindly trust his torturer... yet I find myself surprised nonetheless. Because Penny had such potential as an android Maiden and, as much as I personally hated it, potential as a former android learning to be human too. But why explore any of that when you can kill her off instead? Again.

As a final, far smaller note about this scene, we have the continuing problem of what purpose Cinder's arm is serving. If everyone recalls, its threat comes primarily from the fact that she can "siphon off" power from other Maidens.

She did it to Penny during the Amity battle and now she does it again, a great deal of green energy absorbed into Cinder. So what's left to give to Winter? Why doesn't Cinder become noticeably stronger with each successful theft? Like so much else in RWBY, we're told it exists without actually seeing the impact of that. Winter isn't a weaker Maiden for having lost power and Cinder isn't a stronger Maiden for having snagged it. It's just.. there, hanging out and looking vaguely menacing, I guess.

Outside of this unnatural not-transfer, we get to see how the power normally passes as Penny meets with Winter in some in-between place. It's a soft, heartfelt scene... with the exception that Winter says, “You were always the real Maiden at heart. I was just the machine. Just following orders."

I don't know how any viewer can doubt that RT now believes machinery = evil. Penny's machine body is magicked away so she can be a real-real girl. Yang announces that the arm she worked hard to make a part of herself is just "extra." The man with half a metal body is made this volume's villain and losing his second arm is, by the authors' own admission, a symbol of his lost humanity. Mercury with two metal legs remains a bad guy while Emerald and Hazel are hastily redeemed. Tyrian with his cybernetic tail is the most devoted crazy of the bunch. Maria, blind and in need of assistive lenses, is so forgotten by the story she was left in the tundra nine episode ago and won't be mentioned again until next volume (if then). Pietro, the guy in the wheelchair, is forgotten too, despite it being his daughter who dies on screen.

Now Winter, also bearing an assistive device, says that she's the real "machine" here and tells Penny, now human, that she was always the "real Maiden." I don't know what happened to make RT do a 180 lately, but the disability rep is no longer what it was.

Penny reassures Winter that she'll always be a part of her and then passes on, for good this time.

The rest of the episode feels lackluster, if I'm being honest. Images of Cinder beating Weiss are intercut with Ironwood beating Winter, getting her to a point where her aura breaks.

But then the powers appear and, as we'd expect, she easily turns the tide.

Gorgeous animation there.

But RT once again rewrites earlier scenes by having Ironwood claim that the "destiny" he chose for Winter has finally arrived — isn't that Cinder's MO? — and Winter shoots back that he chose nothing, this was a "gift." Except, it was never about destiny or orders? This was why Weiss' anger in Volume 7 was ridiculous. She acted like Ironwood forced Winter to accept the powers and Winter told her point blank she chose this. Ironwood didn't decide anything, he offered and Winter chose... kind of like how Penny is choosing now. I hate how nearly all of Ironwood's character has been ignored or, during times like this, outright lied about to make him seem super duper evil. He tried to bomb a city! You don't need to make him seem evil anymore, that job is done! Like their sudden change regarding disability, RT now seems to be allergic to nuance. Heaven forbid Ironwood be allowed to have valid points like he did in Volume 3. No, if you've got an antagonist every single thing they've ever said must be twisted into a display of their evilness.

Unless you're Hazel, who Oscar trusts for #reasons. Unless you're Emerald, who the group immediately embraces. Unless you're Cinder, who gets to cry on a rooftop and secures the trust of her allies long enough to betray them again.

But Ironwood? Nah, screw that guy.

Salt aside, the fight is pretty boring. Winter literally just throws up a wall of ice and Ironwood's blast rebounds, taking him out.

Winter flies through the portal and we return to Jaune. His sword is broken by Cinder, so weapons should be quite the problem in Volume 9.

There's a bit of sword vs. sword Maiden battling — this episode really pulled heavily from both Volume 3 and 5's finales — before Cinder gets smart again and attacks Weiss, currently trying to escape with Jaune. Weiss goes right off the edge and Winter isn't able to reach her in time. That's the entirety of Team RWBY, lost to the magical void.

Kudos to Winter's VA and the writing here though. This feels like an appropriate reaction to losing a sister. Screaming, sobbing, falling to her knees and beating the floor... Ruby, take notes.

A roar sounds through all the portals though, the sort of roar a pissed off witch might give. Jaune convinces Winter they need to leave Cinder behind, but before they can escape Cinder... makes a new wish?

Look, it works on all the major fronts. Cinder has the staff, check. We've basically established that Ambrosius can make an unlimited number of things per era, check. We know the previous thing disappears when a new wish is made, check. My only question is the timing. In all honesty, I'll have to re-watch the scene to be sure, but at the time it felt like the portals began disappearing almost the second Cinder left. Did she really have time to summon Ambrosius, deal with his explanatory nonsense, and get him to make a new wish without any fiddly concerns? Sure, fire is just fire, but it still felt like way too much happening too fast off screen.

Either way, the portals are gone and Winter makes it through in time, but Jaune does not. He falls through the void along with Team RWBY. And Neo.

Neo is the only addition I'm looking forward to here.

We get a few shots of our other characters as Winter arrives, saving the day by taking her grief out on the grimm. So glad something came of Ren breaking his aura again! Maybe they'll be more fighting at the beginning of Volume 9? If we see any of this group outside of 9's finale. My worst fear right now is that we'll spend an entire season away from the main action — remember how I said it would be stupid for Team RWBY to go on a side adventure while Salem is attacking the world? — and when they return there will have been some major time skip. Salem has destroyed most of Remnant, only pockets of survivors remain, it's all dark and dystopian... and oh look, every bit of character development happened off screen. How did Nora discover who she is without Ren? She did it while Team RWBY was gone. That merge we've been teasing for five years? That happened while you were gone too and, btw, Ozpin has ceased to exist. So sad, right? Not that anyone will actually mourn. Just take comfort in the fact that his last line was an "Oh no" about Ambrosius and his last major scene was apologizing for how the group treated him. Emerald's redemption? Off screen. Winter's grief? Off screen. Any and every one of these challenging beats to tackle can be waved away with, "We went through that arc while you were lost in the magical realm. Just get to know our new, improved selves now!"

Please, oh writing gods, don't let that happen.

Though I do worry because my last prediction came true.

But we all knew we’d end up here. My current theory? The portal should still be open at the vault. Winter will fight Ironwood, escape through it, and it will close right before he escapes too. He’ll fall with Atlas and everyone will act as if it’s some beautiful, poetic justice for him to perish with the city.

Ironwood didn't make a break for the portal — too busy being unconscious — but we got everything else. Winter left him, he falls with Atlas, and this is some poetic justice, I guess. Really, it's just an undignified death. I'd hoped for a sympathetic kill, something that showed the characters still cared about him even if they knew Ironwood had to be stopped. Baring that, I'd hoped for an epic battle that took him out with style. Instead, no one even bothers to kill him. Ironwood is now beneath the entire cast, not even worth finishing off. Winter casually tosses his blast back at him and leaves. Cinder throws out a "that's checkmate" and leaves. I don't think Salem even looks at him. Ironwood (presumably) dies with no one and nothing, just a casualty of the city Team RWBY made fall. And I say "presumably" because the audience isn't even given the satisfaction of being sure he's passed on. Like Hazel, Ironwood's death is this weird, ambiguous moment that, based on the other character reactions, isn’t meant to be ambiguous. Is he dead? Most likely. Is it possible, based on what we've seen, that he'll pop up two volumes later like

Yes and, memes aside, that sucks. I don't want to be wondering for the next couple years if Ironwood survived and if they'll bring him back just to drag his character through the mud again. Move on.

But no, we don't even get that.

I've spoken at great deal about Ironwood both in these recaps and on my blog more generally. Last week, I said I'd covered it all and there was no need to rehash it all again. I stand by that, so let me just conclude this travesty with a final note: if your bad guy's final moment is using the last of his strength to point a gun at the actual villain of this story, and you don't realize the problem of how this image contrasts everything else the story has insisted about his character? … I just don't know what to do with that.

Oh, actually, final-final note: Ironwood’s semblance is officially a Schrodinger's semblance. It is both canonical and noncanonical simultaneously. Wooo.

Cinder tells Salem she used her wish to "add more flames to the first of Atlas" and we cut to Watts, trapped in a roaring fire, unsuccessfully trying to break his way out. Wow, I hate that too! Next to Tyrian, Watts was our last remaining, entertaining villain. He carried a lot of the last two volumes and, I had hoped, was going to add some bright spots to the coming volumes as well. Apparently not.

Just another waste.

In addition to this casual, second murder of her ally, Cinder successfully convinces Salem that Neo killed Ruby and Ruby used the Lamp's last question, but she's back in her good graces since she snagged the Relics anyway. “You’ve done well, Cinder. Our work here is done" and they leave, blasting off like a less cool Team Rocket as Atlas plummets into Mantle.

Let's spend a second to tally things up then, shall we? What happens if Ruby, instead of throwing a moral fit, says, "You're right and we never should have lied to you, or betrayed you. But we want to help now. You get the Relics and the Maiden to safety in Atlas, if you can, we'll defend the people of Mantle"?

Well, they can still tell the world about Salem and call for help, much more easily now since Ironwood would likely just give them the code rather than them needing to spend an episode stealing it.

The Staff at least may not have ended up in Salem's hands and the group could have actually focused on getting the Lamp back (also solved if they'd been smart and just put it in the vault to begin with).

Mantle would still have been safe because Salem was never interested in Mantle to begin with.

Atlas wouldn't have fallen.

Ironwood wouldn't have died.

Penny wouldn't have died.

Even Vine wouldn't have died!

Our heroes unambiguously made the situation worse. Rather than banding together with their allies to fight the real enemy, Salem, they pushed until they made enemies of Ironwood and the Ace Ops both. Then they asked for help — which a pinch of logic said would never arrive — and twiddled their thumbs waiting for it. When it was clear none would come they...did nothing. They sat around, upset that the people were in danger, but not willing to do anything about it. It's only when one of their own, Penny, is threatened that they kick into high gear, hitting on a solution that they could have posed to Ironwood from the very start if no one liked the fly away plan. Yet instead of taking a few minutes to brainstorm other ideas — doing anything other than denouncing Ironwood to the rest of the group and attacking the Ace Ops — they spent two days sitting around, fixing minor messes they’d helped to create, then rushed through the portal plan, messing up the wish and stranding an entire kingdom in a sandstorm, with only Winter now to protect them from grimm.

Fantastically done, team.

The villains won, yes, but not because the villains were smart and compelling. Watts' hack on Penny and the heat petered out to nothing and Salem... well, she sat around for the whole volume, expending energy only to torture Oscar and try to (unsuccessfully) stop some escapees. Neo and, miraculously, Cinder did the most damage, but only in the final hour, with this "damage" being that our characters fall into a void that we now know looks remarkably like a paradise! Everything bad that happened was a result of our heroes being stupid and stubborn. That's a compelling story to tell... but RT isn't trying to tell it. Our heroes caused so much damage, yet that damage goes unacknowledged — or worse, ignored into silence like with Ren — and everything else is waved away with the magic wand the series claims isn't there. The cold doesn't kill anyone. Oscar has no problems walking off the torture. Nora hops back out of bed. Ruby one-shots the Hound. The civilians lost to the void must have survived too. The entire kingdom successfully makes it to Vacuo... unless you count the massive army we never saw making use of the portals, but who cares about them, right?

The villains won, there was indeed something resembling consequences, but none of it was emotionally satisfying. Not even when the series tries so hard to insist that emotion is there.

Qrow watches Atlas fall, mouthing Ruby and Yang's names, but it's too little, too late. Where was this care for his nieces when he was obsessed with killing Ironwood? When did they care about him? Was it when Ruby shrugged at his arrest, when neither cared that he was missing, or when they were designing an escape plan that didn't include putting a portal where Qrow could reach? RWBY markets itself around the found family-ness of its cast, but they're done a poor job in recent volumes (not others) of convincing me that most of these characters care for one another. We went from Ruby denouncing all adults, to Ruby pulling an Ozpin with Ironwood, to Ruby watching blandly as her sister falls to her presumed death. This is my hero? This is the simple soul we're supposed to rally behind? Ruby doesn't feel like a character who cares about other people anymore and, given that she leads the charge, neither do most of her friends. Or, when that emotion appears, it's jarring and undeserved. Jaune cries over Penny's death? That's tonally and characteristically backwards.

This volume was the culmination of so many mistakes over the past two years. No, Covid couldn't have made things any easier for the crew — the fact that they got a volume out at all is amazing — but the pandemic isn't to blame for the problems in the story. These seeds have existed since Volume 5, with some (like Jaune) going back even farther. I don't think we're ever going to get that flawed, but emotionally fulfilling RWBY back. The show has dug too deep and unless it somehow manages to create a clean slate — those time travel ideas get more and more alluring! — there's nothing they can do but keep on digging. At this point, I can only hope that the series does wrap up within the next two volumes, rather than dragging RWBY to a Supernatural-esque length.

Our final shot of the episode proper feels fitting for what this volume has been. Atlas and Mantle flood rather than exploding, something that makes a certain amount of sense, sure, but definitely wasn't what I was expecting. And after all these shocking images — Penny dying, the grimm attacking, our main characters disappearing in a puff of gold dust — we end it all with bits of random debris. It's strange and underwhelming. Out of everything you could have done with the options you had, you choose to do this?

Of course, RWBY always has an after-credits scene (RIP Raven's, still amounting to nothing). Here, the sounds of water return to show us a beach. Crescent Rose imbedded in the sand, mirroring its classic pose in the snow.

There's a tree. It's a very different kind of tree from what we saw in Volume 6, but the height and shape is nevertheless reminiscent of Light's domain.

A tree of life, anyone? After all, the group has fallen into a dimension created by a Relic, the gift of Light himself. It certainly seems as if RWBY is heading towards another encounter with the Gods, though what that will look like and how narratively satisfying it will be remains to be seen.

As for our bingo board, RWBY certainly pulled its weight! Only three squares got gold stars: Watts and Jacques didn't manage another team up because both are dead, Oscar didn't apologize for getting shot because he was too busy being tortured, and Qrow didn't drink likely because he didn't have access to any alcohol across the whole volume. Can't say that's a stellar result. The final image is something to behold though lol.

What a mess.

And on that less than exciting note... we’re done. This has been the volume of desertion, with a large number of fans telling me that they will no longer watch RWBY, but baring something entirely unexpected in my future, I'll be back next volume, for whatever that's worth. It never ceases to amaze me that even one person would give these nonsense recaps the time of day, so in all seriousness: thank you for reading. You rock.

Now go forth and fill the hiatus with great RWBY content!

✌️

#suicide tw #rwby #rwby spoilers #rwby volume 8 #mymetas #rwby recaps #rwby the final word

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selkiecoded · 3 years

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omg tell me your mark of athena stand alone novel ideas i'm so intrigued

yaaaay well ifyou insist winky face. i first thought this up maybe 2019? when i first had my pjo hyperfixiation and it haunts me still.

first person perspective from ANNABETHS pov oooh

set several years after pjo (theyre like twenty-three? twenty-four?) with either no tie in to the prophecy of seven at the end of tlo or at the very least moa wouldnt be a part of it.

percy and annabeth are graduated from high school, percys in his third year of college while annabeths taking time away from school to finish rebuilding olympus but shes also lost some of the passion towards architecture outside of olympus in the years since and is trying to find something new to drive her (oh no! a character conflict! i wonder if she'll have to overcome it over the course of the story)

percy still lives with his mom and is (surprisingly) going into book publication/editorialization while annabeth and nico are roommates (hes either working to replace chiron as camp head or working towards becoming a pediatrician idk)

when annabeths on the subway home from time spent up in olympus she spots her mother and is approaches her like mom whats up i saw you like half an hour ago did you forget something

all athena does is look at her with strangely glassy eyes and whisper, "come find me," pressing a burning hot coin into her hand.

annabeth: wait a god damn minute ive heard about this oh no

after this riveting opening(?) we get a good look at what life has been/currently is for our favorite demigods. going into all that worldbuilding with the details i mentioned above. its like 2016/2017.

she has to grapple with her desire to move on from questing vs wanting to help her mother vs okay actually it wouldnt be so bad to go on another quest lol just kidding. unless.

queue video chats with old friends like clarisse, grover, rachel, chiron, etc. i would want them to interact. anyways it leads to annnabeth being like you know what Yeah. im gonna go on this quest!

she recruits percy and nico to help her out and they journey on a Bigger and Better quest than they ever have before. its summer, thankfully, so neither of the boys have school and it fits it with pjos whole thing of (almost) always happening during the summer

i just think it would be cool if we got some trio interactions! or demonstrations of powers that have grown! or maybe some swearing! riordan come on lets cuss a little theyre grown ups now

blah blah blah plot as they get to greece, they drop annabeth off at the river tiber and basically everything goes the same as in the moa except annabeth is a bit more confident than even teenage annabeth somehow, lol, and the whole arachne scene okay.

now you may be wondering. well, dont they need a boat to open up the parking lot to rescue annabeth? well i pose to you: percy and nico working together to literally SPLIT THE GROUND OPEN with their powers. percys the son of the earthshaker! nico once opened a pit to the underworld by accident! itd be SO COOL come on psp psp psp

they manage to rescue annabeth and the statue without having to fall into tartarus (though im debating on whether or not annabeth loses her knife/computer though there wouldnt necessarily be enough story to round it out by giving her more items to complete the loss? so)

they bring it back to camp half blood! hooray! its so cool! annabeth realizes (over the course of the story, not just at this singular moment) that shes been subconsciously pulling away from the demigod world but the whole quest has her take another look at her life and shes like Oh I know what I want to do! I want to continue working to improve my Home, as a DEMIGOD. and this spurs her into building a demigod town in chb. jazz hands. hooray.

THE END. like i said im never going to Write it but i definitely wish it could like.. manifest into reality bc id love to read it.

#gosh this is long! i dont have a lot for the middle bc i dont care enough to daydream sidequests at the moment but ive thought a lot about #both the like world of annabeth we get dumped into at the beginning and how it ends #thank you SO MUCH for letting me ramble pleading emoji heart emoji. i think hoo was like. fine for what it was i suppose?#and its harder to come up w original plots for these books but the plot points couldve been improved if only shaken up a little.#pjo #long post #ask me no questions and ill tell you no lies

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touchmycoat · 3 years

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For your 679 fic (which btw is fantastic and painful), do you have headcanon about why LQG and SJ are so at odds? I definitely got vibes that SJ was jealous of YQY and LQG's relationship and it sounded like they spent a decent amount of time together even if it was just sparring.

THANK YOU MY DEAR <3 and hell yeah, what an absolutely juicy ask

SJ loves to front, right? He's a teeming cauldron of bad temper and insecurities—i'll need to review the canon content in the extras but maybe the first time LQG gets on his nerves is a public correction. I'm thinking something like, the Old Masters are holding a public forum of sorts and the Head Disciples are all there to learn and participate. The Qing Jing Peak Lord poses a dilemma and asks for SJ's solution, which is masterful and well-articulated. Before the Qing Jing Peak Lord can approve though, the Baizhan Peak Lord tosses the same question to LQG, who gives a more incisive, experienced response.

There's got to be class and privilege stuff all entwined, so the way SJ sees it, the posed dilemma was not something he could've possibly experienced, having been born on the streets. Nobody gives him a hard time for it or anything, but he still feels upstaged and mocked—就結下樑子了, and a grudge is born. He finds LQG arrogant, and thinks all LQG does is sit cushy in his privilege.

Then there's the competition/spar. The only thing SJ hates more than losing is losing in front of so many witnesses—again, nobody's really giving him shit for losing to the rising star of Baizhan, but he just doesn't think LQG deserves all those compliments and all that success! The only reason LQG's good at fighting is 'cause he was born into it after all; prodigies aren't born, they're paid for. If SJ had anything like LQG's 後台, he'd have no fucking competition at all. LQG embodies everything SJ hates and hates that he doesn't have, so gradually, everything he does in LQG's presence becomes barbed and pointed.

LQG's perspective, on the other hand, is this: he loves and lives for fighting, and as he's taking down senior after senior on Baizhan, there's another formidable opponent rising to the top of Qiong Ding. He's sparred with YQY and admires how in the arena, YQY's attention is completely fixed on improving himself. Other people get caught up in the winning and losing (cough SJ cough), and LQG does not care for that kind of attitude at all. And as he gets to know YQY, he likes YQY more and more. He admires YQY's social graces and how earnestly attentive YQY is toward fellow disciples. He loves and trusts this man for be his commander.

Then one day, SQQ shows up, and YQY...changes. LQG has said to YQY once or twice before that there's no need for all that patience, but now it's dialed up to eleven. All he sees is YQY's 苦口婆心 and SJ's 不領情, and he just doesn't understand why YQY is wasting all this time on someone so unappreciative.

Then SJ starts targeting him in particular—and LQG never meets a fight he doesn't swing a fist at. The rest is history.

But yeah, LQG and SJ are just a pair of vicious contrasts. LQG fights to win but doesn't let losing get to him (see: challenging and losing to LBH for five years), SJ will let one loss fester and hold a grudge about it for the rest of his life. LQG doesn't know betrayal and puts out his loyalty, SJ knows nothing but betrayal and jealously guards his loyalty. SJ hates losing face and resents the fact that losing face just doesn't seem to be something that happens to LQG. LQG hates petty, snide, passive-aggressive jabs (because why do all that when you can just have a straightforward fight) while SJ is 1) a foul-tempered mess, and 2) willing to use every tool at his disposal to survive.

SJ's actions are coming out of his PTSD and unresolved resentments, while LQG has the luxury of not knowing why SJ has to act the way he does.

And I mean, I fucking love romance and misunderstanding tropes. LQG and YQY have standing spars, but one day, SJ (unknowingly) steals YQY for one session. People whisper about it, YQY doesn't explain it, LQG frowns about it, SJ gets defensive. YQY lends SJ his old sparring sword (an item of minor fame among the disciples due to Yue-shixiong's overwhelming strength), SJ refuses to use it, LQG grabs it during a spur-of-the-moment fight and ends up breaking it, YQY only sees it broken, SJ doesn't want to explain that LQG breaks it because that would sound like he gives a crap about YQY's feelings, YQY cancels on LQG to go on a long mission he hadn't wanted to take before, LQG misunderstands and thinks YQY is upset with him bc he'd broken something YQY had given to SJ (where YQY had never been upset at LQG before for broken stuff).

Anyways, the narrative rule is, LQG always misunderstands SJ's actions, assuming worst intent, and SJ always resents explaining himself, because why the fuck should he.

#679 #asks #anon #liujiu #also LQG has no patience for social niceties and finds SQQ fake as fuck #SQQ's purpose in socializing always seems to be trying to climb up #LQG and SQQ simply do not play the same game #SQQ loses the game if he doesn't play but LQG doesn't have to play at all to win #and SQQ resents him for that #also i've been binging chinese novels so lsjdkfasd my head is just filled with sparklers of little chinese phrases that keep popping up

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jtrokujo · 3 years

Text

𝔗𝔥𝔢 𝔑𝔦𝔤𝔥𝔱 𝔚𝔢 𝔐𝔢𝔱

✩｡: * • .───── ❁ ❁ ─────. • * :｡ ✩

❝ 𝐆𝐎𝐉𝐎 𝐒𝐀𝐓𝐎𝐑𝐔 ❞

word count: 1.6k

It is evening.

But even though it's the spring season it is still fresh, but still cool.

However, it goes without saying that spring has just started.

There's a prom today, or better said now, and of course I don't have a partner.

But I don't care, why do I need someone for a dance?

In general, I haven't been a big fan of it since the beginning of the school year, I don't know why myself.

With my (color) dress and a mug with a full drink, I made my way outside.

I immediately sat down on the stairs that were in my perspective, even if it is cool I prefer to stay there instead of being lonely with my classmates again.

Out of nowhere, I was an outsider, I was never mean, I was respectful of everyone, things that a nice person does.

Or rather jujuzist.

There was still someone in my class who is a jujucist, because of my sense of smell I was able to find out, otherwise I would probably never have found out.

Although I still have 2 skills, I rarely use them because they can do more harm than the opposite.

Thought manipulation and manipulation of reality.

It's actually pretty cool and I would be lying if I said changing reality would be boring, but I'm sure a lot of people think of one thing or the other.

For example, I cannot erase the existence of someone or an animal.

Does that mean I can neither revoke extinct animals nor let animals become extinct, again should I?

I had a little hamster when I was little, she was cute and quite fluffy because of her weight.

After that day from school, I came home with joy.

Everything was good, I got a good grade, played hide and seek with some of my old friends and happened to have enough money to buy sweets on the way home.

I still remembered the tearing of my heart that no one could hear.

Because my hamster passed away.

Like I've been pushed into nowhere, into nothing.

I was lonely, even though I had family and friends, she was different, I didn't know exactly what, but I think it would be better not to know anything like that.

Grinning sadly, I drank the strange drink from my mug and looked up at the moon until someone broke the pleasant silence "Yo!"

I turn around, jerking in shock, the jujuzist, what's his name again?

Yes, I, (Y / N) (L / N), have forgotten the names of the most popular boys from my school, but I don't care that I would marry him.

The funny thing was that he always wore this blindfold, I seriously wonder if he's blind.

"May I keep you company?" he asked immediately, but he did not wait for my answer but sat right next to me.

The only thing I know right now is that he's a little weird, I don't know why, he's pretty big and a little close, too close.

I can even feel his breathing.

As uncomfortable as I feel, I just try to ignore him, because apparently he doesn't feel like having a little chat, which is why I just sit down until tonight comes to an end.

"What's your name?" the white-haired asked me, shattering all my hopes, sighing softly, I answered him "My name is (Y / N) and yours?" "Gojo."

Immediately the silence returned.

Gojo sat down in a more comfortable pose, through this pose there was finally a distance between us, but our legs touched.

I'm not that kind of girl who'd go mad about little things like that.

I'd rather go back inside instead of spending my last day of school sitting down with a classmate in silence and looking at the sky.

After a few minutes I got up and was already on my way when the voice of Gojo rang out behind me "(Y / N), wait!"

I turned around in amazement and saw that he was coming towards me and I automatically looked up because of his size.

"Yes?" I asked immediately and looked at him in amazement, only where should I look?

I can't see his eyes through his blindfold, and besides, what for?

However, this is not my business.

"Would you like to dance with me?" he asked out of nowhere.

"I beg your pardon?" surprised by this sudden question, I was glad to be able to answer normally.

"If you want to dance with me." giggled my counterpart and immediately reached out his hand with slightly pink cheeks - which luckily he could hardly see due to his blindfold - I took his hand.

Due to the loud volume that could play in the sports hall as well as hear the music, it was a bit slow, but still suitable for the mood.

He quickly put my empty cup down a little far away from us and began to guide me.

After a certain point, he turned me around so that my back was touching his abdominal muscles.

Either he just dances a little differently from the others or he does it on purpose.

Now my cheeks turned red like a tomato.

His soft lips found their way to my ear and whispered, "You're not a bad dancer, (Y / N)."

The tall man fastened both of his classmate's hands with one hand and pulled down his black blindfold with the other.

Immediately afterwards he turned her back into a normal pose so that she can move around while dancing.

That was interrupted by his eyes.

While (Y / N) tends to dance with his mouth open, Gojo prefers to grin and continues to lead (Y / N).

When the song was over, the two youngsters had stopped dancing and looked at each other rather lovingly.

A few seconds later he put his blindfold back on where they were before and the conversation continued. "What do you want to do after graduation?"

"I have no idea what about you?"

The white-haired man proudly said, "I'm going to be a teacher at a school where I teach jujuzists."

The joy is clearly written on his lips and it makes me happy to see him happy even though I have known him for about 10 minutes.

"Why are you not coming?"

"I am-“

Out of shock, which was more of an irony, he took a deep breath and acted like a drama queen. "But I guess I know you're a Jujuzist."

"But how?" I asked puzzled, still stay normal.

Gojo told me that it didn't matter and offered me one more time if I would like to work with him at a school.

I mean, I have no particular career aspirations, I am a Jujuzist, I like to help everyone as best I can and I can probably improve and improve my skills.

"Yes, of course." I answered him dearly, you the silence came back again, but this was a little different from the previous one.

Gojo sat down where he was sitting before and knocked his hand next to him, hoping that I would keep him company, but I mean why not?

I sat down next to him in silence and immediately laid my head on his shoulder and looked at the moon.

TIME SKIP

Today is a special day at Tokyo Prefectural Jujutsu High School.

Rather said for the students, because today the classes compete against classes.

I just hope no one would overdo it, but since I found out that someone was eating Sukuna's fingers, I've given up.

Luckily it hadn't eaten such a psycho, well, this person would probably have died by like Itadori had luck by his side.

However, I kept an eye on Gakuganji's students.

Because one of them had languished one of my students, but if I should find out that one of his students, or even all of them, one of my students is only a hair too crumbly I break every bone of Gakuganji.

But back to reality right now, all the teachers are in the room looking at the monitor.

While Gojo now and then tries to be in a conversation with someone from this room, the others prefer to ignore him.

But I can't hold it against them and even though I'm his girlfriend, I love heart, right?

Almost an hour has passed, but I can feel an uneasy feeling, I appreciated a look out of the window.

Immediately I turned around and said "We have to get out quickly, our students will probably be attacked!"

Gojo got up amusingly, of course with his comments, but it was Gakuganji, not Iori, who got the stupid comments.

We ran out as fast as we could, the so-called 'shield' leaned on the ground, but as much as I accelerated my pace I was apparently not fast enough.

Surprised, Gojo touched the 'sign', but immediately let go.

There was a small bruise on the palm of his hand, but as well as I know him and his abilities it will go as quickly as possible.

But in contrast to Gojo, Iori can go through half her arm right away.

"Is that an 'Anti-Gojo Satoru Shield'? Gojo asked us, to which I replied," Would be possible. "

The two teachers decided to watch the spectacle inside.

Gojo held my wrist, just like he did at prom, "Gojo, I have to go." "I know, but please take care of yourself."

I tiptoed a kiss on his cheek and walked away.

"You're not either, Gojo Satoru!" Suddenly a stranger yelled at me out of nowhere, well that could be something.

#jujutsu kaisen gojo #jujutsu kaisen #gojo satoru #gojo x reader #gojou satoru x reader #megumi fushiguro #itadori yuji #jujutsu kaisen itadori #jujutsu kaisen nobara #oneshot #fanfic #fanfiction #jk fanfic #gojo satoru fanfic #sukuna #wattpad

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blackjack-15 · 3 years

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Adoration to Ashes, Dust to Just — Thoughts on: Alibi in Ashes (ASH)

Previous Metas: SCK/SCK2, STFD, MHM, TRT, FIN, SSH, DOG, CAR, DDI, SHA, CUR, CLK, TRN, DAN, CRE, ICE, CRY, VEN, HAU, RAN, WAC, TOT, SAW, CAP

Hello and welcome to a Nancy Drew meta series! 30 metas, 30 Nancy Drew Games that I’m comfortable with doing meta about. Hot takes, cold takes, and just Takes will abound, but one thing’s for sure: they’ll all be longer than I mean them to be.

Each meta will have different distinct sections: an Introduction, an exploration of the Title, an explanation of the Mystery, a run-through of the Suspects. Then, I’ll tackle some of my favorite and least favorite things about the game, and finish it off with ideas on how to improve it.

If any game requires an extra section or two, they’ll be listed in the paragraphs above, along with my list of previous metas.

These metas are not spoiler free, though I’ll list any games/media that they might spoil here: ASH; mention of a whole host of previous games with the Hardy Boys in them; mention of SCK; mention of STFD; mention of FIN; mention of DED; small spoilers for SPY; unflattering mention of the Nancy Drew: Girl Detective series; brief mention of erotic-shifter-romance book Bearllionaire.

The Intro:

Welcome to the Nancy Games, lads!

Before we begin, since we’re at the beginning of a new “section” of games, let’s go over exact what the “Nancy Games” entail. Unlike the other games, this section (which runs from ASH through SPY) of games is most concerned with Nancy’s personality, growth, and showing her through a different character foil each game.

These games not only give us a better picture of who Nancy is, but also how she fits (or doesn’t fit) into the world around her and with the people that she meets. Rather than solving the case, these games are made to make Nancy react to things; rather than ‘where is Nancy Drew’ or ‘what case is Nancy Drew tackling’, the preeminent question for ASH and the four games after it is simple: ‘Who Is Nancy Drew?’.

Though only possible because of the nature of the miscellaneous games (WAC, TOT) and the Faerietale Games (SAW, CAP), the Nancy Games have been sorely needed since the series graduated past the first few cases. For a lot of the series, the games weren’t really concerned with the main character of the series, preferring her to be a blank slate that players could superimpose themselves onto…which, as recent media (such as Twilight, and Twilight But With Bondage This Time), isn’t a good basis for a character outside of a dime-store bodice ripper.

But these games aren’t Bearllionaire, they’re detective stories, and detective stories need a strong main detective to carry the story — not to mention the stakes.

That’s where these games come in. Building obviously to the story in SPY, each game explores another facet of Nancy’s personality, and shows what she could become — or could have become, in a few instances — should she let the more negative sides of her personality take over, or if she trusts the wrong kind of people and makes the wrong friends.

How better to illustrate than by showing exactly the kinds of people that Nancy’s friends are? That’s what ASH is primarily concerned about — showing who Nancy is by showing the reactions of people who have known her all her life to a crisis. The only difference between Nancy and her Foil in this game is the fact that Nancy has good people — good friends — fighting for her. It’s how she gets herself out of jail, and how she manages to solve the crime.

And it’s a fun (if a bit clunky) game mechanic as well.

This is why this story can only happen in Nancy’s hometown. Not only is it delightful for fans to see (modern-day, as we saw the old version in CLK) River Heights for the first time and get to explore a bit around the town, but hometowns in media are quite significant when looking at who a character is.

Almost always, a hometown is used as sort of a microcosm for the character, giving us a bit of a cheat sheet into who they are as a person just by showing their environment. Think about it — how many times in cop shows (which are the most blatant offenders by far) are we told that a character is from a small town, and thus they’re intent on proving themselves, probably a ridiculously hard worker (to get out of “that place”), and a bit more innocent than their inner-city colleagues? Or that a character grew up overseas to justify their interest in international crime, establish them as a bit of a wildcard, and handwave them knowing about 16 languages? Or that they grew up “on the streets”, justifying a hidden juvenile record, skills in hand-to-hand combat, and a soft spot for Youths Just Like Them?

(But enough about Criminal Minds. I’d rather focus on something that actually has thought put into it.)

The same thing is happening here in ASH; from River Heights, we can extrapolate that Nancy is well-off, straight-forward, comfortable largely around adults (think about it — ignoring the usual phone characters, we only meet one person around Nancy’s age in RH, and she hates her), and has a drive to be Somewhere Other than her small town.

Another interesting point is that River Heights is chosen as the backdrop for something that has only happened twice in the series, and only once been done well: a personal revenge story against Nancy herself. Sure, RAN attempted it, but RAN’s story is — if you haven’t read that meta, spoilers — hot, flaming garbage, and the personal revenge plotline is bungled to the extreme, resulting in it not putting across that theme very effectively.

ASH is different; from the very beginning, it’s obvious that whoever is doing this is working off of a person grudge against Nancy specifically — and burned down the town hall in order to implicate her, so they’re not playing around. It’s the reason that the culprit search is so focused, which really benefits the games as well. The question isn’t really “who would want to get rid of Town Hall”, it’s “who hates Nancy enough to burn down a building to get her in trouble”. It makes questioning so much more interesting — and very full of mines, which is Great — when it’s the person, rather than the specific crime, that matters.

The last thing I’ll touch on in this introduction is a question that the fandom has posed both seriously and jokingly many times over the last….almost exactly 10 years (10 years!!! I need to lie down my land!!!) since the game first came out: where are the Hardy Boys? Surely, if there was ever a game where they made sense to appear, it would be this one; their friend is in prison and needs the help of practiced investigators — you’d think that even if Carson wouldn’t think of hiring them (which, as desperate as he was, he totally would have), that Nancy would have given them a call, if only to see if ATAC had anything on the suspects.

There are two reasons why the Hardy Boys don’t appear, from a storytelling perspective (ignoring the issue of how much money it would cost to include them or any other technical considerations), no matter how much I would have liked them here, or how much sense it would have been to at least name drop them, if not make them phone friends.

The first is to keep the game centered on River Heights. Everyone in the game — both suspects and allies — is from River Heights and is a part of the town’s makeup. Our suspects reporter, a politician-slash-ice-cream-store-owner, an ex-detective-turned-antiques-dealer, and a college student born and raised in RH. They represent different facets of the town — the media, the political, the business, and the rising generation — and so each represent a part of the town. Nancy’s allies all fall under the “rising generation” — the “Future of the Town”, if you will — or under the justice system category, with Carson. Even the Chief represents another facet — the law — that can both hurt and help Nancy in turn. By keeping all suspects and allies tied to the town, the mystery and the story can focus on exactly what’s going down in River Heights, without any distractions.

The second reason that the Hardy Boys don’t appear is a little less obvious and a little less cut-and-dried plain fact, but I find it compelling enough to mention here: Ned is present. Other than as a foil in CAP (and an oddity in CRE/VEN), the Hardy Boys don’t appear in the games where Ned is present — it tends to be an either/or thing as far as phone characters are concerned. The why of this is, admittedly, conjecture, but I do find it fascinating that the two (three, technically) don’t intersect — and when they do, it’s to compare them.

Also there are not enough fics of the time Nancy sent Ned to hang out with the Hardy Boys like their house was a vacation kennel and Joe broke Ned’s car. Just saying.

Ned represents River Heights, safety, security, constancy, and comfort — the same things that the other River Heights phone friends (Carson, George, Bess, Hannah) do, albeit to a slightly lesser extent. The Hardy Boys, on the other hand, represent excitement, danger, the unknown, new discoveries, and growth — as do, in different extents, the non-River Heights returning phone friends (Hotchkiss, Savannah, Prudence).

Nancy sits squarely in the middle of these two extremes; she’s from River Heights, but she’s not exactly of River Heights, if you get my meaning. As the games have progressed, they’ve shown Nancy moving further and further away from safe, small, friend-related cases to professional jobs with more than a few people actively trying to kill her. For me, that’s the reason we don’t see the Hardy Boys and Ned mostly in the same games; they represent different spheres of Nancy’s life.

And, had competent writer(s) stayed and the games not, well, imploded due to Penny being one of the worst business people I’ve ever encountered, it would have been interesting to see that push-and-pull dynamic being expressed in Nancy’s relationships. As it is…thank Heaven for AO3, am I right?

Now, let’s refocus on ASH in specific, and talk about its composite parts, shall we?

The Title:

Other than being catchy and evocative (and telling us exactly what crime was committed here — that of arson), Alibi in Ashes is also a notable title for its flexibility in meaning. Like CAP, there are so many different connotations for “fire”, and all of them apply neatly to this game.

First, we’re dealing with the literal fire that sends Town Hall up in smoke, and the inciting incident for our mystery (and Nancy’s jail time). Next, we have the word “fire” standing in for “emergency” — as in “where’s the fire” — and there seems to be a new emergency every five minutes in this game — the fire, Nancy’s arrest, Bess breaking the vase, Carson’s absence, etc.

After that, we venture even further down the abstract hole, and dive into the political — whistleblowing, which is often referred to as “setting a/the fire”. This is partially what Nancy does, and is also what Brenda likes to do, no matter the accuracy of the report. Finally, we stay with Brenda for the term “media wildfire” – which is exactly what Nancy’s arrest (due to Brenda’s machinations) causes.

The title in total — “Alibi in Ashes” — also works in a few different senses. Literally speaking, Nancy’s alibi — and the evidence to prove it — is in the ashes of Town Hall, waiting to be discovered. More metaphorically, due to the work of the culprit, Nancy’s alibi (aka her innocence) is in pieces, in ashes — it’s been destroyed. Finally, in a literary sense, Nancy’s situation can be shown in the “ashes” of a past life — in the “wildfire” that destroyed Alexei’s life and career as a detective.

Its acronym being “ASH” is also pretty awesome, not gonna lie.

It’s the multifaceted nature of the title that really gives it its staying power, catchiness aside. Many titles are just as good as ASH’s, but almost none work harder at having so many possible meanings that are all represented in the text of the game itself.

The Mystery:

Sufficiently chastened into spending more time at home (at least for a few days), Nancy comes home in order to spearhead her team (consisting of Ned, Bess, and George) to victory in the River Heights Clues Challenge. This friendly little competition that included No Cheating Whatsoever on the part of Other Teams heats up, however, when a clue leads Nancy to the historic Town Hall — only to have it erupt in flames minutes later. Coughing but still moving, Nancy escapes the inferno…only to be greeted by the suspicious press, declaring her guilty of setting a beloved building on fire.

Things only get worse when Chief McGinnis shows up the next day, taking Nancy into custody due to political pressure in the town. An arsonist is afoot in River Heights, and unless her friends can dig up some dirt on someone — or everyone — else, it looks like Nancy Drew won’t just be convicted by the press, but by the town that raised her…

As a mystery, ASH has some great personal stakes — for Nancy and for our suspects — and pretty layered motivations. The cast comes alive through their relations to Nancy, especially as she’s unprotected with Carson being in Australia. The shift in the mystery that occurs when Nancy can finally get out and speak to the suspects — and seeing how differently they treat her than how they treated the other members of the cast — really helps to add something new to a mystery that’s tying itself up a bit, and give it the last push of gas it needs to get us to the conclusion.

While it’s not the most involved, complex, or thematic Nancy Drew mystery ever, it does what it needs to do, and does it well – and that’s honestly all I want in a game more devoted (as it should be) to character than it is to a twisty plot.

The Suspects:

ASH has a rather full cast (not because of the size of the suspect pool, but because there are so many people involved that should be mentioned), so let’s get started with our suspects, then move on to our other cast members.

Brenda Carlton, resident Reporter of River Heights News and perpetual thorn in Nancy’s side, is both our first suspect and our culprit, proving once again that the media cannot be trusted. We haven’t had a reporter be our culprit in 21 games (TRT’s Lisa being the previous example), so I guess we were due, but Brenda is a delightfully hateful example of just how bad the media can be, so kudos for that.

And this game didn’t even come out in an election year. How refreshing.

As a suspect, Brenda is awesome. Catty, arrogant, and with a penchant for dressing up as Nancy – titian wig and all! – to perform her dastardly, dastardly acts, the game doesn’t try to be subtle for one second that she’s up to no good. While Nancy and Brenda are equally as interested — and equally as talented, by all appearances – in ferreting out a good story, Brenda takes it a step further and makes one if she can’t find one – and nurses a grudge against Nancy for exposing her for it.

Up next is ice cream shop owner and scaly politician Antonia “Toni” Scallari, a woman with a bright-eyed, smiling public face — and if you don’t like that face, don’t worry…she has others. Toni is your typical politician — pretends to be nice and pleasant, is actually a scheming villain, hates people who do honest work, and thinks that fairness in government is a luxury – but the game does stop shy of making her The Villain, preferring instead to show the crimes she’s committed in her search for money and power and letting her quietly bow out of the election.

So definitely better than she deserved, but at least the game shows her corrupt nature rather than sweeping it under the rug.

As a suspect, Toni would have made a decent villain, but it would have turned the game into a tale of cold political expediency and machinations, rather than hot-blooded revenge, and that would have been a shame. I’m a fan of how the games from about TOT on always have multiple characters who Do Crimes and Bad Things, and Toni is a prime example of a bad guy who just happens not to be The Bad Guy.

Third on the docket of suspects is our resident grumpy old man (and Nancy’s foil in this game) Alexei Markovic, who provides not only some of the best voice work in the game, but whose age is also proof that Nancy’s dad really is the silver-haired DILF we’ve been waiting for.

C’mon, he prosecuted Alexei when Alexei was 20. The youngest Carson could have been was 25 if he booked it through college, took no breaks to study for the LSAT, and blazed through law school — and immediately got a job the day after graduation. And seeing as Alexei has the “old coot” personality and grey hair…well, Carson is probably straddling the line between DILF and GILF.

(I’m so sorry for that aside, guys, it got away from me. I’m equally sorry for the first recorded use of the term “GILF” in the Nancy Drew fandom. It’s not the legacy I wanted, but perhaps the legacy I deserve.)

Back to Alexei!

Alexei is a great character, full-stop, and his VA just improves the experience more. Bitter and jaded, but by no means uncaring or evil or myopic about his troubles, Alexei is, where Nancy is concerned, a bleeding heart whose blood happens to run cold. While he could be bitter about Carson playing a part in taking away everything he had, and thus treat Nancy poorly, he instead empathizes deeply, wants to help, and, in effect, treats her the way that somebody — anybody — should have treated him.

As a suspect, Alexei, as Nancy’s foil in the game, would have been a poor choice; he’s not really there to be suspicious, he’s there to show the stakes of the mystery. No matter if Carson could find a world-class defender to get Nancy off the charges, no matter if they couldn’t even indict her, the stakes aren’t “Nancy will go to jail for Realsies” — the stakes are the town turning its back, she loses those she loves, and is unable to do the job that is the essence of who she is. In other words, if things go poorly, Nancy becomes Alexei.

One of the reasons that Alexei is such a good character is that he recognizes this immediately, and is determined to do all he can to prevent that. Sure, he knows the odds are stacked against him, and the whole town is his enemy, and he won’t get anything for helping out — but at his heart, he’s still the Magnificent Markovic; “no case too big, no fee too small,” remember?

Last of the actual suspects is noted red-light runner and girl in envious, envious green, Deirdre Shannon. Deirdre’s a rather divisive character in the fandom — especially of late — but is a character I stand firmly on the side of great, for a few reasons.

The first is that the games took a 1-dimensional, wouldn’t-cast-a-shadow-if-you-turned-her-sideways character from the Girl Detective books, there purely to make Nancy look good, and instead gave her a fully realized character, sympathetic motivations, and a whip-sharp tongue.

The second is her hilarious banter with the River Heights crew and wry sense of humor, which would be enough to make her a favorite character of mine alone.

Annoyed by constant, unflattering comparisons to Nancy from her parents (her father also being a lawyer in River Heights), she’s amused when Nancy’s arrested — though, if you read in between the lines, never suspects Nancy actually set the fire nor thinks Nancy will ultimately get the blame — though not as amused at Bess’ spying on her. She harbors a not-secret crush on Ned and enjoys spending time with him, girlfriend or no girlfriend — though it should be noted that even Ned isn’t spared her sharp tongue.

As a culprit, Deirdre would have been the obvious choice for writers who were the caliber of…well, of the Girl Detective series writers, but thankfully we’re on a higher playing field with Nik, Cathy, and the rest of the crew behind ASH. Deirdre is a snarky observer, but that’s as far as her ‘evil’ goes — and looking at her methodology for solving the Clues Challenge clues (and her commentary on her compatriots) is a joy — real detective work, indeed!

After our suspects, let’s talk about our players on the side of Right — or at least, on the side of Nancy — starting with the girl detective herself (as we will for all of the Nancy Games). ASH provides a better look at Nancy than we’ve had before (as befitting the first of the Nancy Games)

Nancy Drew is our main character, sometimes-protagonist, and at times villain protagonist — especially in the eyes of our culprits — when it comes to unearthing long-buried hurts and wrongs. Stuck in jail for a crime she didn’t commit due to political and community pressure, for the first time, the girl detective can’t really do anything by herself, and is relegated to “phone friend” while her boyfriend and childhood friends are running around frantically trying to introduce reasonable doubt in a frame-up par excellence.

Our source in SPY refers to Nancy as an autodidact — one who teaches themselves — and that’s a perfect summation of Nancy’s character. She’s no museum expert, nor cowgirl, nor entomologist, nor any other hat she’s put on — but she can fake it if someone hums a few bars. Her other big pluses as a detective are (once again according to the source in SPY) in interrogation and code/puzzle breaking — and the differences in the questions that Ned et al pose and the questions Nancy poses to our suspects does bear out the first point, at the very least. Her code and puzzle skills are the usual fallback for the games’ mysteries, more so in the modern games than in older ones (which is both a good and bad thing, depending on what types of puzzles you like).

In ASH, we learn about a key trait of Nancy’s — self-sufficiency, and, more importantly, the limits of that self-sufficiency. Able to fake most things until she makes it, Nancy is finally put in a situation where she can’t do anything by herself, and it’s a source of frustration and impatience to her that overrides other feelings (“Also, I’m in jail, and I would really like to get out,” anyone?). It’s rather stunning that Nancy goes from a triumphant Girl in the Dress to stuck in a police station, relying on the phone and her own intuition, and it does some good for her character exposure and development.

Next up is Edward “Ned” Nickerson, erstwhile boyfriend and long-suffering Emerson College student, Ned is part of an honors fraternity and is in River Heights for the Clues Challenge — and to see his girlfriend, of course. While his attempts to be Detective Ned have really only resulting in finding the keys that were in his pocket, Ned is nevertheless quite useful in getting information out of Deirdre (and is responsible for one of the funniest bits of dialogue in the game that’s not spoken directly by Deirdre).

According to the files from SPY, Ned’s defining characteristics are his honestly and his loyalty, both of which mean that he’s the ideal ‘phone friend’ when Nancy’s in a pickle — and means of course he’d be front and center, ready to do anything he needs to in order to help clear Nancy’s name. His main role in the game, however (and very interesting, as one of 6 or so Neirdre shippers in the fandom!) is to be the object of Deirdre’s window-shopping affections and to be made fun of (good-naturedly, of course) by his friends.

Because of his relationship (such as it is) with an overtly antagonistic character, Ned’s a lot of fun in ASH. I feel like he gets a lot of characterization that he often lacks in most other games (excepting CAP and SPY, of course), and it just makes me like him more.

George Fayne is also here to help — though, irritatingly, not required the same way Bess and Ned are — with her knowledge of technology and impeccable Togo-watching skills. George is a great character in the OG Nancy Drew books – the ultra-modern, straightforward, clumsy flapper, to contrast Bess’ more genteel sensibilities and Nancy’s down to earth, practical, yet fashionable nature — and one of the greatest disservices that the 60s rewrites, post-60s ND books, and, yes, the game series has done to the ND universe is to turn her into a “hurr-durr tomboy because name George like boy name” sort of mockery of her original character.

And no, I’m not crediting her as “Georgia”, because that was not her name in the books. Her name was George, full stop — once again, quite fashionable of her to have a “boy’s” name in the 20s/30s — named after her grandfather. You may fight me on this, but you will not win.

George is noted to have above-average skills in mechanical engineering, and indeed creates a jammer to stop Brenda’s broadcast in the game, but is otherwise…well, kind of pushed to the side in favor of Bess and Ned, her enmity with Deirdre notwithstanding. I’ll address this issue more in The Un-Favorite and The Fix, but a few tweaks while developing the game would have gone a long way towards defining George as a character — we’re ignoring MED wholesale, don’t worry — and helping the gameplay be a bit more varied.

George’s maternal cousin, Elizabeth “Bess” Marvin, on the other hand, is basically required to get what you need to know from Toni, but is very much not the favorite person of Alexei, due to her breaking an antique vase upon coming into his shop.

When a vase can survive the Nazis but not Bess Marvin, it seems a shame that Bess didn’t go to France with Nancy during DAN. They would have found that secret room with the artwork in like a minute and a half.

Bess is mentioned to lack judgment (her reveal of George’s crush on the snack shop boy illustrates that pretty well) but to have above-average intuition and, while manipulated easily enough, is too honest for that manipulation to really cause any lasting harm. Because of her sweet, open nature — and her open pocketbook when it comes to ice cream — she’s a favorite of Toni’s, and uses that in order to try to clear Nancy’s name and discover just what illegal, corrupt pies Toni has her grubby little politician hands in.

Going a little less friendly and a little less college-aged for our next helper, we turn to Chief McGinnis, a grumpy pushover of a cop who’s really only important for letting Nancy walk around a Police Station and solve a crime while under arrest because he didn’t wanna do his job, and for a hilarious diatribe about Pancake City.

Seriously, I go and watch that scene every so often when I need a good laugh. ASH has some fabulous comic writing, and McGinnis’ rant is a prime example.

McGinnis is pretty ineffectual as a helper, but he does allow for the first 2/3 of the game to happen by locking Nancy up (“You cannot leave jail! This is a very basic concept!), and for that, we salute him.

Rounding out our cast of Nancy-supporters is Carson Drew, who is (frustratingly, to him) stuck in Australia when all this goes down, and thus cannot use his legal prowess to free her.

Of course, as a prosecutor, I’m not sure how much help he’d be anyway, but hey, a lawyer is a lawyer is a lawyer, at least in the ever-wise eyes of HER Interactive.

Carson’s really just there (or not there, as the case may be) to explain how Nancy can be locked up with such a powerful lawyer father, honestly, but he gets some good lines in, so we’ll forgive it. He’s also there to round out the “River Heights Cast”, but I can’t help feeling that, if we were gonna have another Drew in this game, I would have taken the puppy over the golf ball. #Togo4Ever

The Favorite:

There’s a lot to love in ASH, so I’m going to focus on the biggest things. Suffice to say if a part of the game isn’t in this section but isn’t in the Un-Favorite, I love it.

I’m going to start off just by saying that the dialogue in ASH is wonderful. We’ve got distinct individual voices, sarcasm galore, enough cattiness to fuel the Halle Berry movie, and great interpersonal work, especially with Alexei.

One of the places Nik truly shines is dialogue, and a small-town environment like River Heights really shows off his skill. I sometimes hear the charge that “no one talks like this!!” leveled against the Nik games but, honestly, I talk to people every day who speak similarly to Nik’s characters, allowing for the differences in written and spoken speech, and so do most people I know. Allusions, analogies, metaphors, and aphorisms aren’t just for English class — they’re part of speaking well.

If you really wanna see dialogue where “no one talks like this,” look at the early ND games. FIN is a particularly bad offender, but SCK and STFD aren’t much better.

My favorite puzzle in the game is the letter swap puzzle inside of Scoop, by far. Sure, I enjoy other puzzles — Alexei’s number box, fingerprinting, the suspect board — immensely, and have a blast doing them, but I can spend hours figuring out old quotes on that aqua background and not notice the time passing one jot. It’s fun, references old games, and is exactly the kind of puzzle that gets me excited anyway, and I love it to pieces.

My favorite moment in the game is probably the moment Nancy takes control and goes and talks to Toni, oddly enough. The stark difference in what Toni says about Nancy while she’s in the station to what she says to her face is like a brick wall to the chest, and is, every time, the moment when you see exactly how River Heights turned on Alexei so completely as to push him out of his job and into the antique business. It’s a moment of almost stomach-sinking disgust, and I absolutely adore the game for not pulling its punches and instead keeping true to one of its major themes — that you need to see who people are in the dark, not when they’re facing you.

In the light of day, Alexei is just a cantankerous old man; Toni is a smiling, motherly ice cream store owner, Brenda is a hard-hitting reporter, and Deirdre is a vapid Queen Bee type. Under the cover of darkness, however, we see Alexei’s charity and heart, Toni’s corruption and two-faced nature, Brenda’s unethical and illegal means to her ends, and Deirdre’s soft center. And I love the game for pointing out the world of difference it makes to see what someone truly is.

For my last point, there are two characters are of note in this game that I love for very different reasons.

The first is Alexei, who is the inspiration behind the title of the meta. There’s something incredibly compelling about Alexei’s down-to-earth nature and the way he deals with being dealt the poorest hand in the world without ever dipping into “woe is me” or any other self-indulgent crap. Insatiably curious, bright, and caustic, Alexei feels like the perfect person to sit down, drink a cup of something warm, and talk about puzzles, antiques, and harsh truths with.

He’s a character who watched his entire life fall apart with one bad person’s actions — “one time, just once, I tried to speak truth to power, and man if I didn’t pay the price” — but still had it in him to keep going, even if it wasn’t what he was doing before. He went from being the town’s golden boy to a pariah, and yet still looks after River Heights and its history, even becoming the curator of the River Heights Museum (when it opens). The difference between his reaction to being falsely accused to, say, Noisette Tornade’s (DAN) reaction to being “falsely” accused is huge and, I think, rather inspiring.

The second is Deirdre Shannon, if you couldn’t tell by my gushing about her above, and, can I just say, I love everything about her. There’s a temptation to assume at first blush that she’s your average boy-stealing popular rich girl a la WAC, but actually looking at her tells a different story.

Sure, the rich part is true — but so is Nancy, and from the looks of their houses and all the trips/vacations they do, the Marvins and Faynes seem pretty well off as well. She shares the tendency for a sharp tongue with Nancy as well (as befitting her status as Nancy’s foil in DED, stay tuned!). Deirdre also doesn’t qualify as popular — her two “friends” that she hangs out with in ASH for the Clues Challenge are still in their “free trial”, and aren’t really her friends.

And her feelings for Ned? While she openly flirts with him (even if Ned doesn’t get it until the girls tell him), Deirdre isn’t looking to actually cause damage (if only because she sees Ned as completely unobtainable), and is up-front about everything she does to Nancy’s face. Putting yourself in her shoes, she’s a bright girl, in love with a boy who is the definition of out-of-reach, is constantly (and negatively) compared to the boy’s girlfriend, and feels stuck in her small town, desperate to move beyond the boredom. In other words, in any other story, she’s the protagonist. It just so happens — as she’s acutely aware — not to be her story. And that’s the kind of character that it’s impossible for me not to love.

And speaking of things impossible to love…

The Un-Favorite:

My biggest problem with ASH, as was mentioned above, is the fact that George is relegated mechanically and interpersonally to the “unimportant” bin. Nancy, Bess, and Ned all have suspects that like and don’t like them, while all George gets is a note that her and Deirdre particularly don’t get along — no extrapolation, no explanation. It makes the decision to include her as a playable character feel a bit like a last-minute decision, like Bess and Ned were planned and George was supposed to be watching Togo until the very end when she makes the jammer or something.

My least favorite puzzle in the game has got to be the stacking of the boxes and crawling towards the exit at the start to escape the fire; it’s a time-sensitive puzzle, which are usually my least favorite, and takes the mechanics of Renate’s bag puzzle and small visual distinctions, which we’ve already noted in the last meta are not particularly my jam either. I wouldn’t replace or get rid of it, it’s just my least favorite. I tend to start my game from a save I have after the puzzle — while I have to refresh on the opening occasionally, it’s better than the frustration from the combined puzzle.

I don’t have a least favorite moment from the game, to be quite honest, so let’s move on to the last section of this meta.

The Fix:

So how would I fix Alibi in Ashes?

The big thing I would change would to be to ensure that each member of Team Danger should have one culprit that likes them and one culprit that hates especially them. Nancy already has Alexei for her plus and Brenda for her minus, and Bess should keep Toni and Alexei, respectively, but both Ned and George need one more. Luckily, with four friends and four suspects, they’ll divide up evenly very easily.

My fix would be to have Ned keep Deirdre as his plus and give him Toni as his minus (local business owners usually don’t like football players for being rowdy and taking up a lot of seats, plus he’s Nancy’s boyfriend and staunchest defender).

George, meanwhile, keeps Deirdre as her minus (though flesh it out a bit more — what exactly went wrong there?) and gains Brenda as her plus. Not only would this make the endgame where she creates the jammer a little more interesting, I’d note that George and Brenda have a bit in common, due to Brenda’s technical and mechanical prowess that we see throughout the game. Throw in something with George having done a technical internship with the River Heights broadcasting network or something during high school, and we’d get a slightly different side of Brenda, even though George still dislikes her privately.

Just fixing this issue would be enough to where nothing in ASH would stand out as a real negative, but for my second, smaller fix, I’d make the friends able to call each other to change off, instead of having to call Nancy, then have her call the other person. That slows the game down and is needlessly clunky, and I’m still not quite sure why they did it.

Once those two things are fixed, there’s nothing in the way of ASH being a truly excellent game. Sure, it’s not as thematic as the few games preceding it, but it’s not supposed to be — it’s supposed to have an entertaining mystery while showing us a little more of who Nancy really is and why she does what she does, and on those (and most other) fronts, ASH is an incredibly solid, enjoyable game that I replay whenever I get the chance.

#nancy drew #clue crew #nancy drew games #alibi in ashes #nancy drew meta #long post #my meta #ASH #video games

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blushnik · 4 years

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What kind of message would you give for beginners on drawing? Cause I'm getting frustrated how my work turn out.

Hi, hun!💙 I tried to sum it up but yeah... I’ve got a few things to say. So I drew pics cause who wants to read some long list with only text, right.

(small disclaimer: these are my own opinions and what works for me might not work for others, ALL of these are my tips from my own experience and is NOT a guide in any way. I’ve learned each one the hard way so I hope they help you.)

There are no shortcuts. Trying to take shortcuts will do more harm than good (i know this because I practiced gesture drawing for 2 years in the hope it will teach me how to draw bodies, spoiler alert: it did not. Anatomy does. Not gesture drawing)

What is it you want to draw the most? Faces? Do that. Don’t bother with human body, animals, perspective, landscape etc. When you feel like you’re decent in one, move onto the next topic (I’d suggest you don’t spend TOO much time on one though because you are gonna come back anyway. Learning these things is a circle, you only expand it over the time)

I am guilty of this one big time. I just wanted to jump right to the hard stuff but I can’t tell you enough HOW MUCH it’d make it easier & faster to improve if I already knew basics. I do recommend ProkoTV and their basics playlist on youtube (amazing channel, really and their podcast is MMM YES)

Please don’t be afraid to use references. EVERYONE uses reference pictures. Using reference pictures is NOT cheating, it’s the way you do it. How can you draw something if you don’t know how it looks like? Reference pictures not only make it easier for you but they make your art look better. Sure there are artists who just draw from their imagination on the fly but I guarantee, they are such master skill level already with such a wide visual library, they can afford it.

Reference pictures are your friends. Use reference pictures. Period.

References are great but they are gonna do you more harm than good IF you just copy the picture in front of you. Get multiple pictures of one thing. Observe how that object works, where the shadows are, how it changes depending on the angle. Don’t just draw. Think about what you draw.

Everyone makes mistakes. There are gonna be a lot of “bad” drawings before you do one good, just keep drawing. Don’t look at mistakes as a bad thing. Instead, try to learn from them. Which brings us to the next point:

If you create something and just dismiss it by “this looks like shit” and throw it away, you’ll never learn from your own mistakes. I suggest, you take a long hard look at it and pick ONE thing that bothers you the most, analyze why it happened and try to not repeat that mistake in the next drawing. You created something, be proud of yourself, accept the mistakes you did, work on them and don’t forget to pick something you really liked about the piece too!

Did you draw a portrait but you hate how lifeless it looks despite the fact you know how to draw faces? Good. You’ve spotted a mistake. Maybe give a little look at facial expressions and use that knowledge in your next piece.

Not everything you make has to be posted. Not everything needs to be a masterpiece. You should find time to simply experiment without high expectations. You may watch a lot of tutorials, you may create an entire “art plan” in your head but you’d be surprised how much stuff you’re gonna figure out by trial and error method. Free yourself and experiment. Even if it looks like someone took a big colorful dump on the paper, 90% of the time, you’ve learned something (a lot of times subconsciously too).

This one is hard. Like really hard. But inevitably, it will keep happening. For me, it’s once a month – 2 months. I feel pretty good with where my art is right now, I’m doing the best I can at the moment and then suddenly BAM. I draw like a kid in the kindergarten who has no freaking clue how to hold a pen. It usually takes a few days of trying (and crying) and then everything’s back online. Why the f-?

I saw a video and I don’t remember the name where they talked about this phenomenon. I was surprised how many people have it like this and they said it happens when you “level up” your art skill. When you “level up”, your brain thinks about the drawing differently, is more critical, knows the better way how to draw things but your hand simply isn’t catching up yet.

As much as drawing through these periods works most of the time, sometimes you feel like you just can’t. Like it physically and mentally hurts you to watch yourself fail over and over again. Take a step back, take a deep breath and go get some quality relax-time. Feel free to say “fuck drawing” for a day or two. Listen to some podcasts, watch some tutorials or art movies – that way you're still improving passively.

It’s 12:45 AM and you refuse to go to bed until you “fix that FKCING hand pose”. Please, go to bed. Chances are your brain is already offline from exhaustion and stress, you ain’t gonna solve any hands and any poses tonight. Go to sleep. Tomorrow, your mind will be clearer.

Learning to draw is already a hard long process. Don’t make it harder on yourself by ignoring your life and your needs in favor of improvement. Stay healthy my dude. It will reward you in the long run.

This is all I can think of for now, if anything comes to me, I’ll add it here. Always feel free to ask and thank you for asking me. 90% of the above was a reminder to myself too 💙 I hope this was helpful 💙 💙 💙

#art tutorial #art tips #tips for beginners #blushnik

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shinhatigf · 3 years

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okay so I do have an anakin fix it au floating around in my brain in which revenge of the sith goes as well as it possibly could BUT that's not the important part of this post the IMPORTANT part is what happens to maul in this au. (disclaimer: all I know about maul's backstory is from watching the clone wars and reading his wookiepedia page so some of this might be inaccurate. bear with me)

okay so because order 66 didn't happen, maul is brought before the council. he was sith so the council would want to deal with him personally

I think with palpatine dead (fully and completely 100% dead no take backs) the influence of the dark side everywhere would be lessened. everyone would feel a lot clearer, happier, brighter, like a dark cloud had been lifted from their mind. this would include maul.

however, for maul, diving deep into the dark side has been something of a coping mechanism. amassing as much power as possible and giving yourself over to this dark higher power means you don't have the contemplate the fact that you were stolen from your family and home world and fed incredibly damaging rhetoric from the man who 1) let you die 2) immediately upon finding out you were still alive electrocuted the fuck out of you and killed the last part of your family and (imo) the only person you ever truly loved

so maul upon arriving to the jedi council, while slightly less affected by the dark side, is still full of pure rage, hate, and a clusterfuck of other emotions brought about by thinking about the jedi. he's a whole disaster

okay this is going to get very very long I'm going to put a read more here

I imagine some in the council would like to kill or exile him and be done with it, but after the inherent trauma of the clone wars and seeing how far separated from their ideals the jedi order has become, they'd show him mercy. this part may not necessarily make 100% sense but shut up this is the good things for maul au maul gets good things

therefore, the council would vote in favor of rehabilitation. what I imagine this would look like is maul would be heavily guarded and watched, and whenever possible he would be visited by jedi masters (and masters ONLY. they're not dumb)

maul gets his own quarters, which are big enough not to be stifling or tiny but small enough to still fit in a jedi temple where they value austerity and forsaking possessions. they would want to give maul as much freedom as possible while making sure he couldn't be a threat to anyone around him, which would mean he doesn't have much freedom at all. he's fed and watered and visited by at least one jedi master a day. these visits are usually someone meditating and trying to rehabilitate maul's mind while not being openly invading, rather guiding maul's broken mind into its natural state and removing palpatine's influence. these visits are also good old fashioned therapy (maul desperately needs to talk some shit out)

it would take a very very very long time but with guided meditation and constant consistent kindness and understanding shown to him by the jedi maul would start to heal. one of the major things that palpatine forcibly shoved into his brain is a distrust and particular hatred for the jedi, but after spending so many years in their care and with constant (almost annoying) understanding that belief system would start to break down.

it would start small. like one day maybe instead of feeling rage and anger around savage's death he feels sadness because for the first time he's in an environment where he has the space to breathe and remember his brother

I think once maul has actually started to improve a little bit and moved past his rage and murder phase that's when obi-wan would visit him. which would definitely bring back some rage and murder but also it would bring maul some closure. I'd imagine they'd both need some sort of closure, considering maul killed qui gon and obi-wan essentially killed him. but obi-wan saying something like "I forgive you. I'm not your enemy." that might throw a wrench into maul's thinking

so over time, maul is becoming less and less emotionally tumultuous. he's in a stable environment in which a set group of people visit him daily solely for the purpose of rehabilitating him, both through the force and just regular conversation as equals. eventually, after enough time in this environment, whoever maul is beneath the rage and pain and the dark side would emerge

this is the side of maul that I wrote this for. this is why he's one of my favorites.

maul is deeply intelligent, and rather calculating. while he usually forgoes rational thought to scream "kenOBIIIIIII" into the night he's very good at assessing a situation and how to get the best possible outcome. he feels things very deeply but he's incredibly bad at naming exactly what his feelings are and he's not very good at reading the emotions of others. I think a flaw of his is that he really forgets to take emotions into account, while for the jedi that's kind of their whole thing. (yeah the jedi are stereotyped as unfeeling warriors but that's not true at all, they acknowledge and release their feelings into the force. for them their feelings are the force.)

I think one day when maul is beyond resisting his existence at the jedi temple, when he slowly realizes "hey my life sucks a whole lot less than before" he manages to actually solve a problem for one of the masters who visits him regularly and has become the closest thing he can really have to a friend. said master (maybe kit fisto just because I like kit fisto) rants about a problem or a mission that they're having and maul just goes "well it's obvious, really." and manages to solve the problem like that by nature of his unique perspective.

and after a looong amount of time has passed, maul's role shifts from enemy, victim, and a patient to being a voice of rationality, a problem-solver, and someone to rant to when the whole jedi master thing gets to be A Lot™

seriously though I cannot stress how long it would take for maul to heal and get to this point. MINIMUM five years.

eventually maul and some people he's forged friendships with petition the council to allow him to have some more freedom. while extremely hesitant, without palps clouding their vision they could much more clearly see maul's mental state and what sort of danger he would pose to the jedi, and they would let him move freely about the temple

okay here's my favorite part of this whole thing. maul is a fucking nerd. he discovers the jedi library and goes insane. maul would read so many books about so many different things because he's interested in everything and he'd want to build his knowledge in a myriad of subjects. he would spend hours upon hours in the jedi library just reading every single thing in there. he'd beg one of the masters to let him access the "forbidden knowledge" just because it's knowledge and he wants it. and if that didn't work he'd find a way to break in (the forbidden knowledge did not disappoint).

I also think maul would love to spar with lightsabers and stuff. he'd know techniques the jedi wouldn't, and so in friendly spars with people he'd managed to befriend, he'd actually give them a fight and teach them something, while also learning new techniques from the jedi

I think maul would consider becoming a jedi for a brief second. he's happier here than he's probably ever been, finally free from palpatine's influence and in a healthy environment. but he knows it's not his path.

after spending a long time living at the jedi temple, having carved out something of a life for himself, made friends for the first time in his life, having finally achieved emotional stability, he approaches the order on his own. they expect, after having been long used to his presence, for him to ask to be a jedi. but he comes with an unexpected proposal.

maul asks to leave the jedi temple to go home to dathomir, to see what had become of his family and of the nightbrothers. he's much much more stable than he was, but he still has burning questions that palpatine would never have let him find the answers to. and he genuinely does want to get there, eventually. but he also wants to learn more about the force that the jedi wouldn't teach him, to learn more about the sith.

his departure is surprisingly more emotional than he was expecting. the jedi temple was the first place he'd ever actually felt safe, that he'd been allowed to just exist. he would miss it.

armed with all the knowledge in the jedi temple, he searches for knowledge the jedi wouldn't have access to. he finds the remains of mortis, and researches the mortis gods. he spends a period of time wandering around like batman crushing the people he doesn't particularly like (usually people objectively morally horrible. he spent years with the jedi he has ✨morals✨ now). he even made his way to ilum, and found two crystals to forge a new double-bladed lightsaber. (the blades are yellow.)

maul would also study ancient sith texts, and spend a lot of time investigating old sith temples (like the one on malachor). however, he doesn't have the same burning desire to seize the power for himself anymore. it's an odd feeling.

eventually he does return home to dathomir to find the genocide of the nightsisters (with only one nightsister, merrin, remaining) and the nightbrothers in disarray after the loss of the dictatorial government they'd lived under for generations. maul ends up taking over a la mandalore (but with a lot less murder and awfulness. ✨morals✨)

what I'd love to see is maul founding an opposite sort of order to the jedi. not necessarily the sith, since the sith treated him horribly and destroyed his entire life, but i think maul would believe that for the force to truly be in balance, you couldn't try to eradicate an entire half of it from the galaxy. I would love to see maul found an order of dark side force users that teaches about how to use the dark side, how to avoid total corruption, and the correct channels for the power you control.

maul would be a very effective teacher in the dark side because of how much experience he has with it. he experienced the absolute worst of the dark side, the total corruption and loss of self, but he also used the dark side to save the nightbrothers from destroying themselves after the loss of the nightsisters and used his power to keep them together and safe (not to mention the period of time with Batman Maul where he used the dark side to help people).

also I would love to see the new generation of jedi and the new generation of dark side users not to be in opposition for once. by nature of maul being rehabilitated by the jedi, he would teach about them and their teachings with a modicum of respect, and the two orders would be seen as two sides of the same coin. twins, almost.

maul would not be a child snatcher, he was child snatched. the dark side is different from the light in that its always there. it comes much more naturally to force users, and unlike the jedi, it wouldn't require you to join from a ridiculously young age. his order is always known and always open to any force user who wishes to learn about the force.

maul's life comes to an end peacefully, at his home on dathomir, having built a new society for the nightbrothers and a new order for users of the dark side.

#word count: 1.9k #holy wow i did not know i had that many words in me about maul #here's my good things for maul au #in which order 66 did not happen #maul #revenge of the sith #the prequels #the clone wars #star wars #darth maul #jedi #sith #meta #ryn dot text #good things for maul au #ryn dot fic

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jasperwhitcock · 4 years

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wait.. hold awn... your edward POV is so good??!! i honestly prefer your edward pov than stephenie's because you make his angst/humor not sound cringy at all, your also very descriptive and you make it sound so beautiful!! can you please write another edward POV, it can be about whatever you want!! whats on his mind?

thank you very much! ♡ also, i thought it’d be fun or interesting to tackle the scene in new moon where he leaves from edward’s perspective. spoiler: it was not fun. two or three days and 15 pages later, and guess what? i am sad <3

anyways, we’ll see how you feel about the cringiness of my edward’s angst now hehe.

warnings: midnight sun spoilers, mentions of depression, implications of suicide.

“For Fools rush in where Angels fear to tread.”

–– Alexander Pope, An Essay on Criticism.

"Come for a walk with me," I suggested, working to keep my voice unemotional and detached. Ever since Bella’d entered my life, I’d exerted so much energy into control. Controlling my dangerous impulses, both the bloodlust and the lust of desire. It’d been scarcely manageable, just enough so that I myself didn’t pose any substantial threats to the warm, trusting girl before me, though not without great effort. Of course, despite these efforts, my presence still constituted a great risk on her life, but that wouldn’t be an issue much longer. And yet, regardless of all the time I’d invested to mastering and willing my control to be greater than it was, the effort to feign the aloofness I needed now was far more strenuous than anything else I’d ever done.

I reached for Bella’s hand – the last time I’d allow myself to truly hold it within my own. I was excruciatingly reminded of the little restaurant in Port Angeles and the first time I’d allowed her to touch my hand. The pleasure of her summery touch, the way her gentle willingness had softened the stone man that I was. She’d thanked me then, very aware of the number of times our hands had met, and I’d warned her to not try for another. How lucky I’d been to receive so many more of those touches, many more than I ever deserved. Enough for the remainder of my existence, and yet not enough to satisfy me. Certainly not enough to make this last of touches feel right.

The exquisiteness of her tender hand in mine made this more insufferable than I’d anticipated, and I had anticipated this to be unendurable. It trembled slightly in my grasp. Her pulse thudded through my granite skin and up my arm, spreading throughout my body as though I too had a pounding heartbeat that scored my anxiety. How I wished we were truly leaving for a simple walk in the woods where I could hold her hand indefinitely.

A flash of intuition and panic spasmed on her face, and her already rapid heart fluttered, accelerating in alarm. In the genesis of our relationship, I’d wondered whether this reaction had been fear or attraction. Now, after the horrible, manipulative way I’d orchestrated the seeds for this goodbye, I didn’t need to question what it indicated. As always, I wished to console her, to pull her deep into my arms and ensure her everything would be okay.

But it would be wrong of me to do so, though it’d be the truth. Because now, for her, everything would be okay. Better, even. Her life would be critically improved. My inhuman arms could no longer be her safe haven.

Hesitance marked her unsure, clumsy steps as she trailed behind me. I stopped once we were a few steps onto the trail, not deep enough into the forest to lose sight of her quaint two story house or the senile heap of metal that was her truck.

Though it felt incredibly sacrilegious to do so, I released her hand from mine, surrendering to what I knew to be right. I no longer deserved her warmth.

I turned to face her, leaning against a tree indifferently as though I cared little for this conversation. The reality was, of course, the opposite. I coerced my face into an impassive mask, not allowing the absolute torment engulfing me to show in my expression as I studied her face. Even if my memory was infallible, I’d never be able to forget her face, and yet as though I might, I stared deeply at the smooth contours of her wide cheekbones, the point of her chin, the fullness of her pink lips, committing the gentle beauty to memory. Celebrating it. Mourning it. The last time I’d ever see her.

I wished to stay in this moment forever.

"Okay, let's talk," she finally said, taking this moment from me too soon. Her voice took on a note of determination and bravery that I hadn’t expected. I wondered what she’d been thinking the past few days of my abnormal and unacceptably rude frigidity. I convinced myself it’d be better this way, to allow that initial distance to emotionally prepare her for my disappearance from her life. Let her think of the coldness and nothing else. Let her begin to forget the intensity of the love I felt for her.

Let the distance torture me like the masochist I proved to be. There was no way to emotionally prepare myself for the violence of this heartache the way I did for her. It destroyed me to treat her this way. It was as though a knife had been plunged deeply into my impenetrable chest, and with every harsh, apathetic word, every step away from her, it’d been twisted painfully, still nestled within the incurable, hemorrhaging wound. Perhaps there’d be some sick, macabre relief when I finally finished myself off with this most dreaded of conversations.

Yes, I wished to stay in this moment forever. But Bella didn’t have forever.

I sighed heavily, welcoming her enticing scent to wash over me rather than the worst of my afflictions. The way her fragrance triggered my darkest instincts was a reminder of her precious nearness to me and the time limit on that nearness. A reminder of the monster I was. A reminder of why I needed to leave.

"Bella, we're leaving,” I announced, unwillingly beginning to recite the lines of dialogue I’d been rehearsing and wrestling with in my mind ever since the party. Of all our years of deception and mirages, the part I was about to play was my most loathed.

Bella seemed nearly relieved as she sighed in response, and for a moment I considered whether she’d anticipated as much. Perhaps she’d reached the conclusion she should have long ago – that I should be unwelcome in her life. That our leaving was a good thing.

“Why now? Another year—” she began to argue, and I realized she’d misunderstood. Pain rippled through me, but I’d prepared for this question.

“Bella, it's time,” I stated with finality, nearly patronizing her like an imbecile. “How much longer could we stay in Forks, after all? Carlisle can barely pass for thirty, and he's claiming thirty-three now. We'd have to start over soon regardless.”

Admittedly, this wasn’t entirely untrue, and yet it was a lie. Outside of my family, Bella was the only person I’d ever desperately wanted to sincerely know me and expose every truth of myself to. And now, she was the recipient of all of my lies and dishonesty. Deception, again.

Bella’s forehead puckered as she contemplated my words. Once more, I longed to smooth the wrinkle between her eyebrows, to brush my fingers along her cheek… It took everything within me to hold onto the impassivity of my cold expression.

Suddenly, Bella’s beautiful cream skin became colored in a green-tinged white as awareness began to sink in. The chalkiness was so close to the tragedy of Alice’s vision of Bella with lifeless, red eyes that I warred against. The thought of this future empowered me with the reminder this was indeed the right thing. Her heart picked up yet again, and she swayed off-balance, but I remained frozen in place.

“When you say we—,” her voice came out quietly in a demoralized whisper.

“I mean my family and myself,” I miserably clarified to ensure that she understood completely what would become of her future, and how it’d no longer be intertwined with my own.

She shook her head back and forth, stunned. It was minutes before she spoke again, and I found myself desperate for more time as she processed this. Even as torturous as this was, I wished to stay in this moment and bask in her confusion. How many times had I longed to read her mind? It was nothing compared to the curiosity that agonized me now. But I could do nothing to satiate that curiosity. I could give her no indication that I concerned or longed for her thoughts.

“Okay,” she finally said stubbornly, still in denial. “I'll come with you.”

“You can't, Bella,” I disagreed. I’d prepared for her obstinance, for the argument. “Where we're going…” I used the plural, though I had no intention of being surrounded by anyone or anything but my own despairing thoughts. “It’s not the right place for you.” This much was true again. Hell was no place for the springtime that was Bella Swan.

“Where you are is the right place for me,” she protested.

She was entirely wrong, but the opposite was unquestionable. Where she was was the right place for me. But for her life and the value it had to my pathetic, limitless existence, it was the right wrong place for me to be.

“I'm no good for you, Bella.” In the midst of all my dishonesty, I could share with her this certainty.

“Don't be ridiculous,” she whimpered. “You're the very best part of my life.”

When considering if someone as perfect as Bella could see someone like me as worthy of love, I’d once wondered if a dead, frozen heart could break. When Bella’s life was endangered by a vicious hunter so shortly after I’d introduced her to my own world, I’d wondered the same thing. When Bella lay broken and beaten in a hospital as I watched the videotape that had captured the brutality of the torture she’d endured because of my irresponsibility, the same question haunted me. And now, as she cried out these words, I had my answer. It absolutely and irreversibly could.

I’d rushed into love foolishly, selfishly. And Bella had paid the price for my sins.

In that same chapel where I relived Bella’s torture, I’d prayed desperately, ferociously, agonizingly. Had I been human perhaps I’d have cried and sweat drops of blood like Jesus had in the garden of Gethsemane before his crucification. But maybe after all, my strength came from no god, no higher, benevolent power, but from the gentle fragility of this human girl whom I loved so much.

“My world is not for you,” I admitted, both to her and to myself, unable to keep the depression from bleeding into my tone. My face felt harder, colder, darker.

She was impassioned by this admission.

“What happened with Jasper—that was nothing, Edward! Nothing!” The words clumsily burst out of her as incredulity and hopelessness began to pump the adrenaline in her precious veins. Although it wounded me, I took no surprise to how easily she brushed aside the threats to her life.

“You're right,” I agreed bitterly. “It was exactly what was to be expected.”

She seemed to sense the thread that tied her to me weakening. As always, she knew exactly how to pierce through me, shouting the exact words that would break me.

“You promised!” She accused, nearly begging. “In Phoenix, you promised that you would stay—”

I didn’t allow her to see how her words affected me, the heaviness that was strangulating my broken heart.

"As long as that was best for you," I corrected her, reminding her of the importance of that distinction.

“No!” She screamed her refusal. As I suspected, it’d be hours before she allowed me to leave. “This is about my soul, isn't it?" Bella shouted, infuriated.

I’d have froze if I wasn’t already completely still, stunned at this unexpected turn in conversation, shocked at how exactly she’d pinpointed the exact reason I couldn’t keep her with me forever. “Carlisle told me about that, and I don't care, Edward. I don't care! You can have my soul. I don't want it without you—it's yours already!”

Bella was always more well informed than what was good for her. I was already too overcome with more powerful emotions that I didn’t have the capacity to feel angry with Carlisle for sharing this with her. This is what was wrong. Despicable. Unacceptable. I’d inflicted so much damage onto her life already. Her instincts were always horribly, unfathomably wrong. Of course she’d willingly trade her precious, invaluable life for eternal damnation. But her soul wasn’t something she could give me nor something I’d ever take from her. I could never allow that. I took a deep breath, mourning how easily she’d throw her life away for someone like me, the dark affliction on her perfect life. I kept my eyes fixated on the ground as I fought against the soulless, red-eyed depiction of Bella in my head. It was wrong. Selfishness. A tragedy.

I should have anticipated that Bella wouldn’t accept the circumstances of my leaving if they benefited only her. I’d have to make her believe that leaving benefitted me. I’d have to convince her that the unconditional, inextinguishable love I had for her had been fraudulence, a fleeting summer romance I’d outgrown. A random short lived obsession I’d progressed beyond the desire for. I’d have to truly break her. I grimaced, breaking from the mask as my mouth contorted in anguish, but instantaneously I regained my former stoicism so she’d be unable to see the change in expression. Tearless sobs festered below my composure, threatening to surface, but I choked down the pain. Let me suffer later. I had the rest of Bella’s life to agonize over this.

This is where the strength I’d needed would be put to use. I looked up, commanding my eyes to be cruel, empty, lifeless. Willing myself to look at her like I had that first day in biology when I’d despised her for the upheaval she’d inflicted on my life.

“Bella, I don't want you to come with me.” I forced the words out slowly, scathingly, separating them so she would understand. I analyzed her face to ensure she’d grasp the meaning behind them, half hoping she’d immediately detect the blasphemy.

“You... don't... want me?” She sampled out the words, her forehead creasing as she tried to make sense of the absurdity of them. As if I’d ever want anything but her.

“No,” I lied.

She stared into my eyes. The depth of the chocolate brown entrapped me as she struggled for comprehension, searching for meaning as I searched again for strength.

“Well, that changes things,” she finally surrendered, accepting my sacrilege without hesitation.

I was outraged and demoralized by how quickly she’d accepted this contradiction to everything I’d ever led her to believe. How instantly she doubted the intensity, the irrevocability of how absolutely I loved her. Without this love, which was the most defining component of my existence, the foundation of all joy in this non-life of mine, I had nothing to live for. Nothing to hope for. Didn’t she understand that?

Suddenly, I was breaking the rules again. I couldn’t tolerate the idea of completely dismissing the importance of my affection for her, or rather, the importance of her life to mine. Cowardly, I looked away at the trees so that she couldn’t see the emotion in my eyes that would betray the gross understatement of my next words. “Of course, I'll always love you…” I longed to stop there. How true that was. I always would love her. Always, until her last breath. And always, until my own. “…in a way,” I added contemptibly to set myself back on the previous track.

“But what happened the other night made me realize that it's time for a change.” Again, my words were able to take on some authenticity. I’d been dreadfully waiting for the catalyst that’d send me far away from her forever, and it’d been inexcusably irresponsible to allow for another life threatening circumstance to be what reminded me that monsters had no place in her life. “Because I’m…” I hesitated, wanting to make her to understand the reality of why her life would be better without any interference from my own rather than these ridiculous lies. But in making this harder for myself, I could make this break easier for her if I led her to believe differently.

“–tired of pretending to be something I'm not, Bella.” This was laughable fiction. As if I’d ever grow tired of the way she’d made me feel more human than I ever had, eliciting my most unexpected, long buried instincts, making me feel alive. The way the beat of her heart seemed to shake through the earth as though it rocked faintly to the sound of it and through me, too. An electric hum through my body almost like I too had a pulse. The warmth of my own skin as I became immersed in her wonderful heat, and the thrill as her fingertips grazed along my skin, tracing trails of tingling, pleasurable fire. I could bask in these feelings forever and never grow tired.But I was pretending to be something I’m not by allowing myself to act as though I could be a real partner to her. Something I so desperately wished I could be.

“I am not human." I clenched my jaw as I admitted this ugly, loathsome truth. "I've let this go on much too long, and I'm sorry for that.”

There was so much else to be sorry for and allowing myself to impose on her future for these past few months was the shallow tip of the iceberg, but Bella didn’t have the time to listen to my endless list of pathetic, hopeless apologies. Bella didn’t have time at all.

“Don’t,” she whispered in perfect stillness, her quiet voice empty and hopeless. “Don't do this.”

Her pleading ripped through me like the blade again, sawing open the wound. Agony. I reversed the truth, knowing it was the only way to leave her.

“You're not good for me, Bella,” I lied again. This was the worst, the most deranged of the lies I’d told.

Her galloping heart stopped beating for a fraction of a second, skipping in its rhythm as cognizance drained through her. She digested this delusion. She opened her mouth as if to protest, but no sound came out. Selfishly, I wished she would.

She closed it again. I waited the longest moment of my long life.

“If…” she murmured, completely broken, “that’s what you want.”

I couldn’t make myself say the words to convince her further. I simply forced my head to nod once. That was all that I could allow myself.

She stood there, numb and subdued. Her remarkable brown eyes bore into mine.

With great torment, I warred with myself again. Finally, I acquiesced to the last of my self centered acts I’d allow.

“I would like to ask one favor, though, if that's not too much," I said though I deserved nothing from her. She’d already given me more than I deserved. Too much.

I stared at her beautiful face, watching as its exquisite color grew paler, sunless. An echo of the grey, lifeless vision Alice had seen her become in my absence. But she wasn’t like me. She could recover. She could heal. That lifelessness, that emptiness was nothing in comparison to the lifelessness of the paler, colder, stone version of her. Or the emptiness of the ashen, drained, and broken body in my arms. My face broke into a brief expression of mourning, but I composed myself again before she could see the grief.

"Don't do anything reckless or stupid," I demanded severely. This was the most crucial thing I could ask of her now. She stared back at me detached and dispassionate as if she were elsewhere far away from here. As if her life had already gone. I waited for a sign that she comprehended the significance of what I asked of her. “Do you understand what I'm saying?”

She nodded weakly.

It seemed as good of a guarantee as I could hope for, though I longed to beg this of her. To fervently beg on my knees by her side that she understand how important, how critical her life was and do nothing to abuse that. How it was the paramount center of my being. But I couldn’t express that. I couldn’t impress upon her what she should have known already.

“I’m thinking of Charlie, of course.” Although this was also a genuine concern of mine, it wasn’t the factor on which I’d based this last imperative request. “He needs you. Take care of yourself—“ I paused, wondering if she could detect the depth of my emotions as they overflowed, heavily affecting the words, “–for him.”

Bella nodded again. “I will,” she whispered, her voice nearly inaudible.

I relaxed only slightly, trusting her sincerity. Bella was far too concerned for others. She felt overly responsible for the lives hers touched. That would be enough to give her the strength to carry forward. She’d never do anything irrational that could hurt Charlie.

“And I'll make you a promise in return," I spoke, dreading the next words, but wanting to present my last gift to her. The last thing I could offer her. “I promise that this will be the last time you'll see me. I won't come back. I won't put you through anything like this again. You can go on with your life without any more interference from me. It will be as if I'd never existed.”

I watched tragically as Bella wobbled in place as though she may lose her balance, her body trembling. Her heartbeat picked up significantly, racing. I ached to reach forward and steady her but couldn’t allow myself this touch.

And though I was drowning, I couldn’t help but nearly bask in this heartbreaking moment. Her suffering was pure excruciation to me, but this reaction was proof that she did love me in some way. A weak, human imitation of the fervency of my feelings for her, but still proof of their relevancy in her life. She believed them to be absolute. So in this pain, I found one minuscule moment of bliss that I could hold onto. Her feelings would change, they would fade, but in this insignificant second of time, they were real to her. I smiled a gentle, sad smile.

“Don't worry,” I comforted her. “You're human—your memory is no more than a sieve. Time heals all wounds for your kind.”

“And your memories?" She asked, nearly choking on the air as she breathed.

“Well,” I hesitated, thinking of all the memories that would haunt me over and over for the rest of my now expiring immortality. Memories irreversibly branded into my mind. The wounds that time would never heal. “I won't forget. But my kind…” my kind, whose perfection cursed us with the flawlessness of an infallible mind as much as we may try to forget. “We’re very easily distracted.”

As if any distractions could keep me from slipping into the misery and depression that awaited me, maliciously beckoning me forward, eager to asphyxiate me in a tailored kind of hell. But this melancholy, for lack of a more severe, accurate word, was a price I was willing to pay for having had Bella in my life at all. I smiled for her, wanting to substantiate the lie that I’d be at peace. That she’d no longer need to worry about me.

I willed myself backwards a step, eager now to cut the thread that connected us so that she may live the life she deserved. The action felt violent like the demon of my oncoming depression had wrenched me back, hungry and impatient to begin the second round of torture. “That’s everything, I suppose. We won't bother you again.”

Her eyes suddenly widened in fear and the realization that this was the end.

“Alice isn't coming back,” she exhaled so quietly that she only mouthed the words.

I shook my head slowly, watching as she absorbed this.

“No,” I confirmed. “They’re all gone. I stayed behind to tell you goodbye.”

“Alice is gone?” She repeated in complete disbelief as though she was only now comprehending the reality of the situation. I thought of Alice’s incredulous betrayal that I’d made her leave Bella this way. Suddenly, I found myself wanting to defend Alice, to make sure Bella knew I was entirely to blame for this abrupt departure. Alice would never forgive me if I didn’t. Though she already would never forgive me now. I almost grimaced thinking of her confidence that this was a ridiculous and cheap attempt to deviate from a future that seemed so inescapable. That in agreeing to this plan – though it wasn’t so much that she agreed, but that she surrendered – she was humoring me, if humoring was even the right word for something so harrowing. This was causing her grief and heartbreak, too.

“She wanted to say goodbye, but I convinced her that a clean break would be better for you.”

Bella swayed as her mind slipped further from me. Her breathing was shallow and abnormal.

“Goodbye, Bella,” I murmured before she could say anything more. Goodbye, my love. My reason for existence.

“Wait!” She choked out the word in panic, stumbling forward with her arms outstretched towards me, her body overcome with tremors.

I reached back for her too, again longing to pull her against me. I’d never wanted anything more. But instead, I locked my hands around her wrists and gently pinned them by her sides. She shouldn’t reach for me any longer.

I couldn’t help myself. Selfishly, I permitted myself once last touch. I leaned down, pressing my lips gently to her forehead, inhaling her wonderful scent, wallowing in the warmth. This one last kiss.

I’d never allow my selfish temptations to hurt Isabella Swan ever again.

“Take care of yourself,” I breathed against her velvety, translucent skin.

Then, I was gone, leaving my broken, dead, frozen heart with her.

Every step away from her was heavier, dragging me down to the fires of torment as though gravity was pressing upon me more densely than ever before. I felt detached from my body as though my skin was violently melting off the granite bones, but I couldn’t find the desire to try and save myself. Bizarrely, simultaneously, I felt weightless as though I were helplessly floating in space with nothing to anchor me, no sense of when I’d be able to return to earth, and I cared little to. I watched as the sun slipped away, and with it, the brilliance of the stars Bella had lit on fire in the sky disappeared, returning me to midnight. I was blinded by the meteor that’d shot across the sky, and in its absence, found myself plunged into darkness. Twilight, again.

#twilight fanfiction #twilight renaissance #midnight sun #the twilight saga #twilight #edward cullen #maybe i will go back and edit this again later but need a break from this DARKNESS #ask #anon

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