#I think I maybe used the word metaphysical wrong but. hum

[luci-in-trenchcoats]

15x20

Spoilers for Season 15x20 finale

Summary: This is a semi-rewrite of episode 15x20...

Pairing: Dean x reader (reader is treated more like an OC than a typical reader)

Word Count: 2,000ish

Warnings: language, major 15x20 spoilers

A/N: I wrote this for myself honestly. I know it is idealistic and was never going to happen. Again, I’m sharing simply if you’re interested but please feel free to ignore. This picks up from a very obvious point in the episode...

______

Dean POV

“Fuck,” said Dean, his hand over his chest. Something big was stabbing into his back. This felt wrong though. A dull, achy pain trickled up and down his spine and across his chest. His heart was racing up and slowing down when it wanted and Dean shut his eyes as he recognized the feeling in his bones.

He was dying. The kind of dying a doctor can’t fix.

“Jack!” shouted Sam, Dean peeling open his eyes as he realized Sam was besides him, hand covered in blood. A few seconds later Jack appeared in front of them eating a bar of nougat. “Jack fix him. Please.”

“He said he was hands off,” said Dean with a wince, his whole body shaking. Jack cocked his head and walked over, touching Dean’s forehead. The next thing he knew, Dean was sat on the ground and taking a deep breath, the pain gone as he looked up. “You said you were hands off.”

“You’re my dads. Why wouldn’t I help you?” he asked, a confused look on his face. Dean chuckled and nodded, still holding onto his chest. “You seem upset. I’ll pop you guys home.”

“Kid there’s-”

“Those boys are okay,” said Jack, snapping his fingers. Dean was suddenly sat on the steps up into the library, Jack mentioning something about taking some nougat from the pantry before he headed out. 

“You alright?” asked Sam. Dean shook his head and he took a seat. Dean rubbed the heel of his palm against his chest and shuddered. “Jack got there in time.”

“If he hadn’t-”

“Dean-”

“If he hadn’t...because it was bad, Sammy. If he hadn’t...I’m so proud of you and I love you, so fucking much. I couldn’t have asked for a better baby brother, a better best friend. You just gotta tell me something. When the time comes, you’ll be okay without me. Tell me Sam. Please.”

“I’ll be okay,” said Sam quietly. Dean nodded and moved his hand to his lap, Sam scooting closer. “Let’s get out of here.”

“What?”

“Let’s get a house. We can get a big yard for Miracle. Run an operation like Bobby did, do the occasional case. Let’s go live more,” said Sam. Dean paused but rubbed his chest again and smiled.

“Dibs on the master bedroom,” said Dean. Sam chuckled and nodded. “Yeah. This place is home but I wouldn’t mind an upgrade.”

Two Months Later

“Miracle!” called Dean when he ignored the ball Dean had just thrown across the yard and ran around the corner of the house. “Miracle!”

“I think your daddy’s looking for you,” Dean heard a voice giggle. He walked around the house and saw a woman knelt down and ruffling the dog. “You’re so cute. You’re so cute.”

“Yes, I am,” smirked Dean as the woman popped her head up. “So, how can I help you and why are you parked in my driveway?”

“I’m Y/N. Y/N-”

“I heard of you. Hunter out of Alaska right?” he asked as she nodded. “You work a lot of Canada cases.”

“I did,” she said with a shrug. “I was thinking of retiring down south. Wondering if you got any tips on how to adjust.”

“A dog helps,” he said and she smiled, Dean looking her up and down. “You do realize this is Austin, Texas right?”

“This is south to me,” she said. “I know Donna through a friend of a friend. She said it’d be cool if I came and talked to you?”

“Uh, yeah, sure,” said Dean, Miracle running over to the ball and rushing back with it. He nudged Dean’s hand and Y/N smiled. “You mind chatting while we do some fetch?”

“Not at all, Winchester.”

“Kinda funny how Eileen and Y/N know each other,” said Sam, Dean looking out the back window to where the girls and Miracle were sat on the back deck after dinner drinking a beer. Dean hummed and dried a plate, Sam nudging his arm. “You like her, don’t you.”

“You like her.”

“Dean.”

“Yeah, I like her. What’s the big deal?”

“Oh, I don’t know. A gorgeous, former hunter with your kind of humor, love for pie, muscle cars and classic rock that’s single just happens to have stuck around long after she got done talking to you.”

“I invited her to dinner.”

“She understands the life Dean. All the shit we carry. You’ve never tried with a hunter. Give her a chance.”

“Tried what?” said Dean, putting the plate in the cupboard. 

“You can have a relationship Dean. I’m pretty sure she likes you too,” said Sam.

“Hello, Dean,” said Castiel, both guys jumping as they spun around. They stared at the angel as Cas looked around. “I enjoy your home. The air is fragrant.”

“It’s a candle,” said Sam, pointing to the flickering light on the countertop. He blew it out and Dean walked around the island, shaking his head. 

“Where the fuck have you been?” said Dean, giving Cas a hug. Sam joined them and Castiel shrugged.

“Rebuilding heaven is labor intensive process,” said Cas before turning to Dean. “I felt you would be coming there soon a few months ago.”

“Why didn’t you pop down when you knew he was dying?” asked Sam.

“You are humans,” said Cas with a pout. “You will die someday. It’s an inevitable fact. Time is very strange in heaven in its relation to earth. I assumed you were an old man.”

“No, not old,” said Dean.

“Would you two like for me to prevent your deaths until a certain age?” asked Cas. 

“No,” they both said, Dean smiling. 

“But if we ask for help, you will help?” asked Dean.

“Always,” said Castiel. He tilted his head and looked out the back window. “Who is the woman with Eileen?”

“Y/N. Hunter from the Yukon area. Dean has a crush,” said Sam. He smirked when Dean whacked his arm, Cas still cocking his head. “You know her?”

“She’s quite drawn to Dean. Metaphysically speaking.”

“Yes cause whatever you just said was very clear. Like I’m five Cas,” said Dean. Cas sighed and pursed his lips.

“Jack has given me some extra power to help assist him better. I can see more of a person now,” said Cas. “Their energy, soul, things of that nature.”

“Okay...so what does that mean?” asked Dean.

“Oh your souls are quite intertwined. She’s your soulmate,” said Cas.

“Really?” said Dean, allowing a brief smile to cross his face.

“She also has a growing inoperable mass in her head that will kill her in the next few years. She suffers from headaches quite frequently,” said Cas. Dean sat down at the counter and stared out the back door, squeezing his eyes shut.

“Why can’t I be happy?” he breathed out. “For a fucking minute I can’t even be happy before the rug gets pulled out.”

“...Did you not want me to heal her?” asked Cas. Dean rolled his eyes and Cas’ glowed blue for a moment. “She’s fine now. You seem...emotional.”

“Well I am Cas,” said Dean. 

“You’ve been off since that hunt and the barn,” said Sam.

“Sam I shouldn’t be alive,” said Dean. “I got lucky.”

“You have sacrificed your entire life for others, Dean,” said Cas, Sam taking a seat next to Dean. “You should take advantage of your powerful friends. Let others care for you now. I will speak to Jack about the remaining monsters and their relocation to somewhere better suited for them, perhaps a new world.”

“Everything alright?” asked Y/N, slipping in through the back door with an empty beer bottle. 

“Yeah, we’re all good,” said Sam.

“Liar,” she said, smiling at Dean. “I’ll be right back.”

She excused herself to the bathroom, Sam and Cas going outside. Dean got another set of beers out just in time for Y/N to return. 

“Can I ask you a question?” she said.

“Shoot,” said Dean, handing her the drink.

“Your friend, the angel, did he just heal me? I’ve had constant headaches for awhile now. Brain tumor. I feel different. You guys wouldn’t happen to have anything to do with that would you?”

“You deserve to enjoy your retirement,” he said. “A very long retirement. You’re fine now.”

“I won’t be mad about that,” she said, leaning against the counter by him. She took a long sip and smiled. “I like you, Dean.”

“I like you,” he said.

“I’m gonna stick around town for a bit, see if things work out,” she said. He nodded and smiled, watching her smirk. “So there’s really no more monsters?”

“Uh, what?”

“I overheard Castiel when I walked in. Guess we’re really out of jobs now,” you said.

“I got an offer for a construction manager,” he said. 

“You gonna take it?” she asked.

“I think so. What do you think?” he asked.

“I think it’s a great idea,” she said. “Gotta keep busy somehow.”

“What’s your retirement look like?” he asked. She shrugged and smiled. “Now that death isn’t imminent.”

“Maybe I’ll find a guy, try the domestic thing,” she said, a soft smile staying on her lips. “Know anyone who might be interested?”

“I’m sure I can think of someone, sweetheart.”

One Year Later

“So what do you think?” asked Sam as he spun around in his suit in the family room.

“What do we think junior?” asked Dean, the baby on his lap clapping his hands. “He says dad’s gonna score tonight.”

“I fear for you teaching my son things when he’s a teenager,” chuckled Sam.

“That’s what Uncles are for,” said Dean as Y/N got up from the couch and started fixing Sam’s tie.

“And what Aunt’s are for to rein them in,” she said, smoothing it out. 

“Thank you,” said Sam. “Hey, when you two gonna have a kid?”

“Who says we aren’t?” smirked Dean. Sam went wide eyed and she rolled hers.

“We’re trying just recently. You will literally be the first to know once we do,” she said. She winked and Sam narrowed his eyes, looking back and forth between them then down to her stomach. 

“You’re so pregnant.”

“Ugh, we were gonna surprise you guys. Let us surprise, Eileen at least,” she said.

“You guys are pregnant!” said Eileen from over the balcony upstairs. Y/N laughed and headed up, Sam taking a seat next to Dean and plucking his son into his arms.

“You’re gonna be a real good dad. You got a lot of practice,” said Sam. Dean shrugged and Sam gave him a side hug. “I’m really happy he gets to know his Uncle, Dean. You’re gonna do great.”

“I’m really happy I get to be here too,” said Dean. He sat back and shut his eyes. “I owe you one.”

“For what?”

“The barn. I thought Jack wouldn’t come. I didn’t even bother. I thought that was gonna be it,” said Dean. “I didn’t want to go yet.”

“You don’t owe me for that,” said Sam, handing the baby back when he heard feet on the stairs. “Be good for Uncle Dean, baby boy.”

“Go have fun on your date, Sammy,” said Dean.

“You have fun on your stay at home date,” chuckled Sam. “See ya later, De.”

“Later, Sammy.”

_________

#spn #spn spoilers #dontspoilthefinalhunt #spn season 15 spoilers #supernatural #dean x reader #dean winchester #sam winchester #supernatural dean winchester #supernatural sam winchester #one shot

[ayamari-no-goshi]

Verboten 3 | (T)

ff.net | AO3

Fandom: Danny Phantom (DP)

Summary:   AU. When Danny was five years old, he went missing for 2 weeks. In the years that follow, his family tried to make sense of what happened, only for the truth to be discovered years later.

Warnings: rated T for violence, mentions of death, language. Be prepared for some very weird things

Parings: Danny/Sam

Notes: originally uploaded to Ff.net. Cross-posted to AO3 and tumblr. This fic is very heavily inspired by folklore surrounding mysterious wilderness disappearances

Chapter 3

“You heard me. They’re saying he’s dead,” Dash clarified as he watched Danny for his reaction. “And from what Kwan said, his body was really messed up.”

Danny rolled his eyes as Tucker stuttered in fear. Dash was known for trying to scare his ‘victims,’ so most likely he was just trying to get a rise out of them. “Yeah, yeah, and what’s your proof?” he asked as he sat down on his bed.

That caused the jock to back track. “Well… Kwan said…”

“Dash, I get we’re in the middle of the woods, and you’re in a prime position to tell ghost stories, but unless you have proof, this is not something you should joke about,” Danny scolded which drew a few surprised looks.

“What? It goes against your morals?”

The teen’s sneer was enough to cause uncharacteristic anger to flood through him. After taking a deep breath to calm himself, Danny glowered at him. “I’m only going to explain this once,” he warned as he tried to sound deadly serious, “I’ve seen the aftermath of what happens in a family who has someone go missing, especially when there’s no explanation as to what happened. It’s not pretty, and when it comes to people who get out here all sorts of terrible things can happen, so you shouldn’t be spreading rumors that could reach the family.”

“Wait, hold on. Fenton, you had someone in your family go missing?” one of the other jocks, Zach, asked. Danny was actually surprised he caught on to that. “Did they at least find them?”

“Luckily, they did, but that’s the reason my parents were so vocal against me going, and while I think they’re way too extreme about it, I, at least, understand their concerns.”

“But, no offense, your parents go on and on about weird creatures, ghosts, and other weird crap.”

“Well, yeah, that’s what happens when you try to rationalize what happened when nothing else makes sense. They were already involved in fringe metaphysics and stuff before that happened, so it was a logical jump for them to consider time slips and other dimensions with how bizarre everything was.”

A silence fell between them as they let Danny’s words sink in. It seemed that Zach wanted to say something else, but decided against it. Dash did eventually mumble something about how he’d drop it for now. That by itself was enough validation for Danny.

“Hey,” Tucker hesitantly spoke up after several minutes as all of them began to lay down, “do you think that kind of thing is real? I mean like falling into other dimensions and stuff.”

Danny didn’t answer him immediately. “To be honest with you, I really don’t know. I know there are a lot of legends regarding things like this, and my parents’ research at least suggests the concept of other dimensions is possible. I know the concept of wormholes are mathematically supported, and that some astronomers think wormholes could possibly bridge dimensions, but we don’t have the technology to get close to one or survive it. But random rips appearing in the woods? It sounds more like sci-fi horror movie stuff, but sometimes, as stupid as it sounds, that’s the only thing that makes sense.”

…..

“Maybe Kwan was right,” Tucker mused when he and Danny exited their cabin the next morning.

There were police officers present, and an ambulance with closed doors was on the far side of the camp. Danny briefly caught sight of an officer speaking to the driver of the ambulance until he noticed the markings on the ambulance were off. After a moment, he realized it belonged to the local Coroner. If that was the case, then there was a body retrieved.

“Well, I don’t know if it was that missing camper, but something definitely happened to someone,” Danny agreed as they made their way to the mess hall for breakfast.

The worst was confirmed as breakfast was finished. Rusty once again stood in front of them. His face was somehow bleaker than the previous day as he confirmed that the missing camper had been found deceased. After the murmurs of the teenagers quieted, he continued, “I know you’re supposed to be out here for fun, but unfortunately, this circumstance happened. We are going to do our best, after the police finish their investigation, to make sure you enjoy yourself here. However, the police have requested to interview each of you to see if anyone you may have seen or heard anything while you were out yesterday. They have also requested that no one go off by themselves while they were under investigation. Please go in groups of at least two. We rangers will also try to be with you when you’re outside of camp, but we may be stretched a little thin during the investigation.”

“I’m surprised they aren’t sending us home,” Tucker mentioned once Rusty was finished speaking and the roar of the students overtook the mess hall.

“I don’t think they can. I mean, the police need to talk to us, and since it’s an open investigation, they won’t want anyone to leave the area until they’ve determined there’s nothing else they can do here,” Sam pointed out as she checked her phone.

“Hey, are you able to get any service?” Danny asked her. “I couldn’t reach my parents yesterday.”

“It’s weird. Yesterday, I could, but I’m having trouble getting service this morning.”

“Now that you mention it, I noticed that too,” Tucker added as he brought out his PDA. “And that’s the thing, with how I modified this, that shouldn’t be the case. I wonder if there’s a disrupter somewhere nearby.”

“You mean a cell phone disrupter?”

He nodded as he leaned towards them. His voice lowered as he glanced around the room. “I’m not sure if anyone else noticed it. I think most of our classmates think it’s just because we’re in the woods, but that’s not really how it works anymore. This is something that should be brought up to the police.”

“I think you’re right,” Danny agreed as he checked his phone again. “And with everything happening, I think I won’t be able to use the ranger’s phone today either.”

….

About an hour after breakfast finished, the police began their interviews of the students. While Danny and his friends waited for their turn, they hung out near the front of the mess hall. They didn’t say much, but instead, they decided to watch the area.

A while later, a long black limousine approached from the only road fit for normal vehicles and came into the camp. A few minutes after it parked, a well-dressed man with silver hair exited. As one of the officers approached the man, Danny finally realized why he recognized him.

“Oh, that’s Vlad. I wonder why he’s here,” he mused as he watched. After a moment, he noticed his friends were gaping at him. “What’s wrong?”

“You know the Vladimir Masters?” Tucker nearly choked. “He’s one of the most influential billionaires in the world!”

“He is? I knew he had money, since he helps fund some of my parents’ experiments, but I didn’t realize it was that much. Anyways, apparently he and my parents went to college together. With how often he visited when we were younger, Jazz and I kind of view him as an uncle.”

“That’s actually pretty impressive. My parents know him due to some of the business galas they’ve attended,” Sam mentioned as a devious smirk crossed her face. “Oh, I can’t wait to tell them that Vlad is your parents’ benefactor. Mother dearest will have a conniption.”

Their conversation turned to what Danny knew of the man, and he answered the best he could. As he thought about it, he realized he didn’t know a lot of personal details about the man. Vlad tended to focus on the people around him and avoid talking about himself. He just figured Vlad was a very private person.

When Vlad finished speaking with the officer, he approached the trio. “Oh, Daniel! What a surprise! I never expected to run into you in a place like this with how protective Maddie is.” His tone was pleasant, but his exaggerated gestures almost made it seem like he was acting.

“We’re here on a school trip. I guess the PTA and teachers managed to convince her and Dad we’d be protected. But why are you here? No offense, but seeing you in the middle of the woods in a suit is weird,” Danny replied nonchalantly. He was used to Vlad’s over the top behavior.

“It’s unfortunate, really,” he explained as he glanced over his shoulder towards the officers. “The gentleman who they found dead works for one of my companies. I came out to see if the police officers required any assistance with resources, funds or otherwise, and offer my services.” As he turned back to face Danny, his eyes widened as he seemingly noticed Sam and Tucker for the first time. “Ah, you must be Daniel’s friends. Where are my manners? I’m Vladimir Masters, but you may call me Vlad.” He extended his hand towards them.

Tucker eagerly took his hand, but Sam was a little more hesitant. “I’m surprised that a big name like yourself personally looks in on their workers,” she told him.

A pleasant hum escaped the man. “I do try to keep tabs on those I employ. This particular incident, however, is extremely tragic and unusual, so I felt it was prudent to personally show my support for those investigating.”

“Yeah? I’ve also heard that killers like to inject themselves into investigations.”

“Sam!?”

“It’s quite alright, Daniel,” Vlad told him as he flashed a pleasant smile. “She does bring up a valid point, and it’s likely I will be asked a few more questions at a later time as a result. However, I can assure you that I was in my office a few states away when Mr. Aiden Jones was reported missing. Hmm, I also think I may have a word with your teacher. With a tragic event like this, it’s unwise to have you remain here when it is unclear if it is safe or not. Now, if you excuse me.”

As Vlad began to turn, Danny took a step closer as a thought crossed his mind. “Oh, Vlad, I hate to ask, but would you happen to have a phone I can use to call my parents? Mom left me a frantic message, but my phone’s not working, and I can’t use the Rangers’ phone right now…”

The man appraised him for a moment. “I don’t have a phone on me right now, but I do have one in my car. While I don’t think your teacher or the police would find it appropriate to let you in my car at the moment, I can at least give them a call for you.”

“Thank you!”

Vlad flashed him a large grin. “Anything for you, dear boy. But, I really must be off. Ta!” With that, he walked away, approached one of the nearby rangers, and struck up a conversation.

“So that’s Vlad Masters,” Tucker mentioned once he was certain the man was out of earshot. “I can’t figure out if I like him or not.”

“I don’t. It felt like everything he said and did was an act,” Sam told them as she crossed her arms. Her eyes never left the billionaire.

Danny just shrugged as he put his hands in his pockets. “He’s always been like that. I don’t really know if it’s because being involved in business, or because he lives alone.”

“He lives alone? No family or anything?”

“Nope,” he replied as he popped the ‘p’. “He’s never had anyone as long as I’ve known him. Both Dad and Mom like to ask him about whether or not he’s dating anyone whenever he’s stopped by, but he’s always answered that he’s too busy. I think Mom’s tried to hook him up with a few dates, but it never panned out.”

A frown crossed Tucker’s features as he glanced at the man. “You’d think he’d have people throwing themselves at him because of his wealth.”

“That might be why he isn’t seeing anyone. Anyways, any thoughts on what happened?”

“Not really,” Sam replied as she glanced towards some of the rangers and police. “If they thought it was just an accident, you’d think they’d come right out and tell us. I’m going to assume they aren’t sure, so they need to try to rule out a few things before they tell us anything.”

“Looks like we’ll have a chance to ask one of the officers. I guess it’s our turn to be interviewed,” Danny mentioned as one of the officers caught their attention and beckoned them.

A few minutes later, the officer took them into the mess hall. It was fairly routine. The officer, Malik, assured them they weren’t in any trouble or suspects. He just wanted to know if they had seen or heard anything while they were out on the trails the previous day. They explained that everything seemed normal, and they couldn’t recall seeing anything out of the norm. Tucker did mention that the three of them were having trouble with their cell phones.

Officer Malik made a strange expression at the new information, but did say anything regarding it. He just thanked them for their time, and sent them on their way.

Before he left the room, Danny spoke up, “Sir, do you know what happened? Should we be worried?”

He was silent for a few moments before replying. “We’re pretty sure he just had a bad accident, but, since we don’t have an official answer yet, we do have to investigate and take statements. Sorry this had to happen while you kids are on a trip.”

Danny thanked him and hurried out the door with his friends. “So, what do you think?” he asked as he checked behind him to make sure no one was paying attention to them as they walked behind one of the cabins.

“That’s pretty cut and dry, isn’t it?” Tucker asked as he scratched his head. “Accidents do happen.”

“Yeah, but the officer didn’t reassure us it was safe. Danny, you noticed it too?” When he nodded, Sam continued, “I think they’re trying to downplay what might have happened which worries me. And since our cell phones still aren’t working properly, it makes me more anxious. I guess Vlad was right. We shouldn’t be here right now.”

“Sam! Don’t say things like that!” The scared whine in Tucker’s voice almost made Danny laugh. “You’ll see, Dash and his jerk friends will use it to tell ghost stories tonight. I not going to be happy if I lose sleep.”

“And here I thought you liked scary stories.”

“Not when we’re smack dab in the middle of the beginning of a real life horror movie!”

#fanfic #fanfiction #phandom #danny phantom #danny phantom au #dp #dp au #my writing #danny fenton #sam manson #tucker foley #maddie fenton #jack fenton #vlad plasmius #fantasy #supernatural #folklore #so i heard you like folklore #sooooooooo much folklore #Verboten

[undertalethingems]

Bark at the Moon, Chapter 3: Lost Patience

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Or read on my Ao3>

Rating, Setting: Gen, Pre-canon

Chapter Warnings: None

Chapter Summary: Reunited, the brothers try to get things back to normal. Sans thinks going back to where it all started holds the answer... but it’s never so simple.

Nearly a month had passed since Sans had retrieved his brother from his self-imposed exile. Despite wracking their brains and recalling trials no creature should have endured, neither had gotten any closer to remembering or rediscovering anything useful, and the stress was taking its toll. Papyrus collapsed from lack of sleep one day, and only reluctantly explained he was avoiding nightmares after Sans uncharacteristically snapped at him. They’d had their disagreements over the years, but this was the worst in a series of fresh spats that had erupted in the brothers' household as frustrations mounted. Sans hated it, maybe even more than Papyrus did.

He was supposed to be the chill guy who stayed calm no matter what... But he'd found himself in increasingly bad moods as time went on. It was getting hard to be as friendly as usual when he went out, and though no one had said anything they were starting to notice. Passers-by would give him a bit more space if they crossed his path, and the other regulars at Grillby's were hesitant to joke with him as much as usual.

And then one night, he was awoken by his brother and found he’d punched a series of holes in the wall with a bone attack in his sleep. So he’d started avoiding sleep too. His mind buzzed with too many thoughts anyway as it tried to find a solution. He didn't care too much what happened to him--not while Papyrus was stuck like this. All that mattered was making sure he could be happy again.

“I can’t believe I’m saying this, brother, but you need to rest,” Papyrus begged him one afternoon as he stubbornly read a book on magical theory. “You look terrible, and I think it’d be for the best in this instance.”

“what’d be best is if we could get this figured out. i’m not gonna let you be forced to live as what he wanted you to be,” Sans retorted, eyes fixed on the page in front of him, and Papyrus made a worried hum.

“Well, yes, that would be ideal, but, I think at the moment it’s best you, er, returned to your lazy ways and got a nap.”

Sans stiffened and didn’t answer for a while. “… bro. we escaped that place and got him back for everything he did to us. knowing you’re stuck as something you never wanted to be, something you shouldn’t have to be… i can’t rest until you’re free to be who you want again. y’know?”

“Oh Sans…” Papyrus sighed, “I really appreciate how much effort you’ve put into this. It’s… more than I expected, if I’m honest, and it means a lot to me. But I don’t want you making yourself sick, or, hurting yourself somehow, or—or anything of that nature, so please, go take a nap. The book will still be there when you wake up.”

“yeah, and i’m reading it now. aren't you always saying sleep's a waste of my time?”

“Sans... I, um, think I may have been slightly. Wrong. About that. Because you without sleep is not a very good version of you. I hate to do this, but... please go sleep. If not for yourself, then… for me?” Papyrus pleaded, tilting his head sadly.

“... ok,” Sans finally conceded. He flipped the book shut, slid from the table and trudged up to his room—but not to sleep. That had been a lie. He waited, listened to Papyrus nervously approach and hover around his door for a few minutes before slowly returning downstairs, then took a shortcut into the abandoned, sealed-off section of the labs in Hotland.

He was glad he was a skeleton as he inhaled stale air a monster with real lungs would have suffocated in and stalked through the pitch-dark halls, his way illuminated by his eyes alone. Turning corners and passing ragged, deteriorating equipment, he indulged the flashbacks that followed him through the facility. It was worth pursuing whatever memories surfaced, even when they were painful, on the off chance it'd unlock what he needed. He’d done this before, another time when Papyrus thought he’d been napping, and put together more of what had happened to them here. Days of tests, procedures he'd never understand, harsh words that left him aching even now, years later, after he'd failed to meet some expectation. It all would be worth it if only he could remember the right thing.

He mostly seemed to remember the wrong things. He shut his eyes against the apparatus that had once drilled into his magic and stretched it so thin he thought he’d shatter right then and there; his fingertips itched at the memory of claws and he rubbed them in his palms, grounding himself on his blunt digits. He’d once been so comfortable in that other form, once believed that man and his claims he was no more than an animal, and it had taken so much fighting—mainly on Papyrus’ part—to help him reclaim everything he could be. And after everything that had happened, somehow a dead world and its ghosts were threatening to unravel all they'd done to bury it.

Sans flicked his wrist, and the apparatus shattered under artificial gravity. He wondered why he hadn’t done that before—maybe some lingering fear of retribution. He left the splintered metal and plastic behind, idly considering what else of this hateful place he could smash. Turning the corner, he came to a vaulted room lined with large cisterns that had been the holding tanks for living weapons as they grew. Only two had ever released successful constructs—before that, who knew what had met its end before it lived.

“YOU’LL NOTE THE SUBJECT APPEARS TO BE WELL-BUILT, WITH A STURDY AND ELABORATE BONE STRUCTURE,” the man said, gesturing at him, “BUT UNFORTUNATELY, LOOKS ARE DECEIVING. AS YOU CAN SEE, ALL BASE STATS ARE SEVERELY STUNTED. SPECIAL CARE MUST BE TAKEN IN ALL CASES OF HANDLING AND TESTING TO MITIGATE RISK OF FRACTURE AND METAPHYSICAL FAILURE. RESEARCH WITH THIS SUBJECT WILL BE OVERSEEN BY MYSELF AT ALL TIMES. VIOLATORS... CAN CONSIDER THEIR CAREER TERMINATED. DO I MAKE MYSELF CLEAR?”

Sans grimaced at the unbidden memory, the thought of being seen as an object leaving a slimy feeling in its wake. Even when he’d worn that form, he’d been more than that, he’d been a person in his own right. That man had thought because he’d made them it gave him the right to control them, to coax and prod them in equal turns until they became what he wanted them to be. He’d nearly won, but Papyrus—oh Papyrus, the best thing this place had ever produced, undeserving of all it had done to him—had seen through his manipulation and come through. And now he needed someone to come through for him.

Sans left the tank room behind, resisting an urge to tear it all down with blue magic. He needed to poke a little further, push a little deeper. He'd make this place give up its secrets, but he could feel his patience wearing thin. He was running out of ideas, too. Maybe if he shifted, he could work out what to do from there? No, that would be—

“NO. IF YOU WANT TO TEST WITH YOUR… BROTHER TOMORROW, YOU WILL CHANGE BACK THIS INSTANT. SHIFT NOW.”

Something in Sans’ soul wrenched free, and he staggered, doubled over, clutching at face and chest. If he’d been well-rested, if he’d been his usual laid-back self, maybe he could have resisted the way he had a month before. But worked up by both past and present, he was too out of sorts to quell the power tearing through him; he only had the presence of mind to shortcut home as his body warped and became what he’d tried so hard to fight.

It was the buildup to the final romantic scene in Metatons's latest soap opera when Papyrus’ viewing was interrupted by a rounded form appearing in front of the TV and landing on the floor with a thud.

“Sans!” he barked, trying to stay focused on the show, “you’ve got to stop using shortcuts in your sleep! One of these days you’re going to—Sans?”

Papyrus stared at his brother’s prone form. He didn’t like how still he was. And he especially didn’t like how he was no longer round and friendly, but round and spiky.

The romance was forgotten as Papyrus leapt from the couch to shake his brother’s shoulders, words catching in his throat. Not Sans too, not again, surely this was a bad dream only it was Sans who wasn’t waking up. He whimpered, and looped an arm under him to drag him to the couch and curl around him. How often had he done this when they’d shared only a bare cell, how many times had he feared that last round of tests had finally done his brother in? How long would their past hold them captive?

Sans awoke with a start the next day, sometime mid-morning. Papyrus watched him rise blearily and stumble over unfamiliar feet onto the carpet; his eyes came to rest on the hands he’d caught himself with, and he slumped to the floor completely. After a silence that stretched on for minutes, he spoke.

“welp. sorry bro. i messed up. guess that’s the last time i try hard on anything ever...”

“Oh Sans, don’t say that!” Papyrus cried, getting up himself to roll his brother over. “Come on, now it’s even more important we work to solve this most elusive of riddles! As outlandish as it may seem, maybe you’ll have even more success than me! Come on, it's already late in the day--let’s have breakfast and then we’ll get to work.”

Sans only groaned. “i want grillby’s… but i can’t go to grillby’s like this… i’ll never have grillby’s again…”

“Sans! Cease your dramatics!” Papyrus demanded. “We have toast, which is perfectly good breakfast fare and certainly better than some grease-drenched horror! I’ll even make it for you since you probably have to learn how to use deadly claws again.”

Sans moaned from his place on the floor, and Papyrus left him to get started. As he waited for the toaster to warm up, he grabbed his phone and delicately entered Undyne’s number. He was getting much better at using his own deadly claws for fine motor skills again--it was one thing he was proud of in all this mess. After a few rings, Undyne picked up.

“Hey Papyrus! How’s it going?” she asked cheerfully, and he hesitated on what to say.

“Greetings, Undyne! Everything is going well! But I called to let you know that Sans won’t be able to work today. He’s, sick,” he replied, wondering if it was really a lie as his brother continued to rest limply on the floor in the next room.

“I take it you guys still haven’t made any progress, huh?” Undyne asked sadly, and he sighed.

“None. We’ve almost made backwards progress, really.”

“Ah geez, well, I know you won’t but don’t give up! And kick your brother’s butt into gear too, I’ve seen what happens when you let him slack off and it’s not pretty. Hey, I KNOW! I’ll stop by later tonight, how about that?”

Papyrus’ mind raced; it’d be no good if Undyne found out Sans had changed too. “Oh! Well! That would be okay! But my brother will probably be asleep and totally unavailable for interaction.”

“Nope! He’s not getting out of socializing THAT easily!” Undyne quipped brightly. “I’ll see you punks tonight!”

She hung up, and Papyrus was left staring blankly at his phone. Once Undyne had decided on something it was very hard to talk her out of it. He had to think fast or they’d get the chewing out of their lives and more questions than either of them wanted to answer. It was better the world didn’t know about their abilities and the man who thought he’d play god.

The toaster popped, and in an instant it was pierced by a bone. Sparks showered from the ruined appliance, and Papyrus slowly sat, staring at what he'd done. All this tension was getting to him, and he sighed. He stood, shaking his head. He could only feel frustrated with himself as he salvaged what he could of breakfast from the wreckage. He was better than this! He had the best control out of anyone Undyne knew, and he knew she was telling the truth—not a half-truth or white lie some people felt they needed to tell him to soften a world he’d already seen the sharp edges of. Undyne was guilty of that, and even Sans was, but he forgave them. They were trying to keep him safe and happy, and he appreciated that much, but he wasn't a child and it had worn on him for years.

At least Sans was doing it less now, after they'd spent the last month admitting what had happened to them back in the lab. Papyrus was certain, though, there were still things he was hiding from him. The fact he’d either transformed in his sleep, or not been sleeping and doing something he shouldn’t while pretending to sleep was proof enough of that. Huffing another short sigh, Papyrus glanced out to the living room, saw his brother was still on the floor, and put the two ragged slices of toast on a pair of plates and brought them out wearing his best smile.

“Well, we’ll need a new toaster but I’ve managed to prepare a simple one-course meal to tide us over until lunch. Up and at ‘em, brother!”

Another groan, but at least Sans slowly propped himself up. “hey, it’s not burnt. see bro, you’re improving all the time.”

“Indeed! I’ll be renowned cook and Royal Guardsman very soon!”

The rest of their meal was quiet—mostly on account of it being so short—and after brushing crumbs from his mandible Papyrus stretched and stood at his full height. “Alright, brother! We have until evening to finally make a breakthrough and pretend none of this ever happened! So! Get those mental bones shakin’!”

“… just don’t see what we could do differently. we’ve thought of everything,” Sans mumbled, sinking back to the floor. “i oughta just accept my fate.”

“No, I won’t let you,” Papyrus refuted, picking him up by his ragged hoodie with one hand. “You were right, earlier. It’s not fair for us to still be at the mercy of our past in this way. I’m even thinking, that, maybe it was bad we stopped being all of what we are… because we should be proud! No other monster can do what we do, and we are monsters! Not weapons like he wanted us to be—never like he wanted us to be. We should take back this part of us, because it never wasn’t a part of us.

“We’re going to change back, but, maybe it’s not a thing that can be forced. Not anymore. We’ve… accepted there’s a lot we can’t change, haven’t we? So, perhaps, this is. One more thing. We can accept…? We'll keep working! But! Not be so hard on ourselves if we don't get it right away.”

Sans blinked slowly at him. “bro… you’re so cool. if anyone can own this, it’s you. i just… yeah, i like bein’ that other shape, a lot more than i like being this one, but… i dunno. i think deep down i know… this was what i was always supposed to be. so... i'm accepting that.”

Papyrus gave him a very long, sad look. Slowly, he turned, and walked to lay Sans on the couch before joining him, and Sans eyed him warily the whole time. Judging by the look on his face, Sans regretted saying what he had.

“Sans,” Papyrus began, “I know he always wanted you to only be this way, and just be an animal. He never let you change, don’t think I didn’t notice! I think, in your rounder, friendlier form, it reminded him… that you were so weak? And you know how he hated, er, failure… His! His failure. He made us, so anything we’re bad at is his fault! Nyeh!”

Sans huffed a short laugh.

“In any case! You are just as entitled to owning all of who you are as I am! You are just as smart, and kind, and friendly and everything else in this form as you are in the other, even if it is easier to be all of that in the one you're not in now. And no matter what, just know that I love you, and nothing could ever change that!”

“… of course bro. right back at ya.”

But Papyrus could tell Sans didn’t really believe him. Or, it wasn’t that he didn’t believe him—it was more that he didn’t believe in himself, and that had been the hardest thing to work through as they’d put their lives together. Sans had never really done anything wrong, but he’d often done things in ways the man hadn’t liked—they both had, really, but somehow Sans always got the worst of it. He was too clever, too eager to take shortcuts and do things his own way. It wasn’t fair then, and it wasn’t fair now. All the more reason to work extra hard on mastering the quirks of their beastly forms all over again.

"Well, you think about it for a while, and I'll keep trying my way!" Papyrus conceded, leaving his brother to sit in the middle of the living room. They had to keep trying...!

He went through every method he’d thought of again, calling on his reserves of magic, remembering how it felt to walk on two legs and not have claws or a tail, to no avail. He even meditated for a while, and that was hard to do when he always had so much to think about. Sans had fallen asleep on the couch—which wasn’t so surprising as it was annoying. He'd told him to think of a solution--he’d never change back if he just slept all the time! Papyrus shook his head with a huff, and reached out to jostle him awake.

Fangs snapped inches from Papyrus’ forearm, and he leapt back with a yelp. Sans’ eyes focused, and widened as he realized what he’d done. Wordlessly, he began trembling, and buried his face in the couch cushions; Papyrus bounded back to his side and gently patted his shoulder.

“Brother, it’s okay, I startled you. I know you don’t want to hurt me,” he comforted, trying to nuzzle the face still wedged as deeply into the old cushions as it would go.

“i—i thought you were him, i wanted to—i wanted to snap your arm,” Sans admitted in a quiet, panicked rush. “i’m sorry papyrus, i’m sorry. you were right, i shoulda just napped, i shoulda stayed here and just been my lazy old self, instead i’m this and i’ll never not be this again. i just… i’m just gonna give up now, get it over with…”

“No Sans, you can’t! Yes, you should have stayed here, but we’ll get you turned back! We’ll both turn back, and be who we want to be again, just like I told you! I know we can! I believe in us!” Papyrus assured him, trying not to sound desperate. “Truly, it’s okay brother. Come out of there, you’ll never get who knows what out of your sutures.”

But Sans only groaned softly. With a worried huff, Papyrus grasped his brother’s skull and pulled it free. Sans offered no resistance as he was curled up and encircled by a blanket, and then his brother’s bony form; Papyrus knew he should have been continuing his work, but if he was honest he couldn't think about it at all. Sans was too close to letting himself go.

“Alright Sans, we’re going to rest,” he spoke as he folded his forelimbs under his chest. “But it can’t be for long! Undyne’s coming over and we have to be ready.”

There was no reply. Papyrus laid his head down next to his brother’s, tried not to think about how miserable he looked, and found himself drifting off after a while. Maybe some rest really was in order. He curled a bit tighter around his brother, and let his eyes close.

They snapped open when heavy knocking sounded on the door. Oh no.

“Hey Papyrus, open up! It’s hang-out time!” Undyne called, sounding cheerful. Papyrus leapt from the couch, which startled Sans awake. He blinked sleepily, then snapped into alertness when he realized what was going on. And in a blink, he was gone.

Papyrus groaned. He hoped Sans hadn’t gone too far, but at least it solved the problem of Undyne trying to interact with him—for once he was grateful for Sans’ avoidant tendencies. Mustering his usual high spirits, he answered the door.

“Hello Undyne! Welcome to the humble abode of the humbler Papyrus! The greatest skeleton you will ever meet!”

Undyne laughed. “Hey Papyrus, it’s good to see you. Still stuck as a horse lizard thing, I see.”

“Yes,” Papyrus huffed, “the tragedy of our time. I’m close to a breakthrough though, I can feel it!”

“I know you can do it!” the captain beamed with all her fangs. “Where’s Sans? I don’t care if he’s sick, he’s not getting out of at least a little noogie from me! Oh, but I also brought soup, I thought it might help him feel better.”

“How incredibly thoughtful of you!” Papyrus uttered, taking the small container Undyne handed over. “As it happens, he’s just stepped out for some fresh air.”

“You told him I was coming, right?” Undyne said with a frown, and he nodded.

“Of course I did! But you know Sans does as he pleases.”

“Yeah,” Undyne griped. “Well, hopefully he’s back soon. We're gonna have fun, but I wanted talk to both of you for a moment.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah. I’ve been hearing some things from the other guards. I… guess we could talk about it now, but I don’t want you to worry and it mostly concerns him.”

“Oh no, go on! I worry anyway, it’s no big deal!” Papyrus assured her cheerfully, and she gave a bittersweet smile.

“Okay, okay… Well, I guess Sans has been kinda… irritable, lately. Dogaressa told me the other day. She said he hasn’t been joking around, or going to Grillby’s as much—which, normally I’d say is a good thing, but knowing your brother I know that means something’s up. I guess he snapped at Jerry, which, if it was anyone else it'd be totally understandable, but Sans never snaps at anyone.”

“He’s… stressed,” Papyrus admitted. “He doesn’t like that I’m stuck like this.”

“Hmm... I guess I can see that, but he’s normally so… unflappable,” Undyne said. “If this is just something you can do, why’s he so worked up that you’re stuck? Unless he’s actually an even crappier brother than I thought and thinks he can decide what you should be like.”

“No! It’s nothing like that!” Papyrus refuted, internally horrified at the thought of Sans being so controlling. It’d be too much like him. “He hates that I’m stuck, not that other preposterous thing you said.”

“Psh, okay, I get it,” Undyne laughed. “Still. It’s putting him in a pretty bad mood and it’s got people worried… and maybe it’s why he got sick, y’know? He threw himself out of whack with all this…”

“Yeah, it’s really unhealthy…” Papyrus agreed, looking away. “I’ll talk to him when he gets back. A grumpy Sans is hardly a Sans at all! Now! What did you want to do on our hangout?”

They ended up watching one of Mettaton’s new cooking shows where he competed against and judged himself with various dishes made under both time and ingredient limits. The clips were cut so it really looked like there were three of him in the kitchen at a time, and he played up the tension when he judged himself harshly on a failed dish. Of course, even the failures were absolutely perfect—he just liked the drama of elimination. It was good, bad TV, and for a little while Papyrus could forget his predicament. After a few hours and an attempt at making their own versions of some of the dishes they’d seen, it was time for Undyne to head home, and Papyrus was left with a quiet house once more.

“Alright Sans, it’s safe to come out now!” he called, on the chance Sans had merely taken a shortcut up to his room. There was no reply. Papyrus leapt up the stairs to poke his head into his brother’s room and found nothing out of the ordinary—but it was empty. Sans wasn’t home.

Papyrus returned to the living room and sat on the floor, tail flicking idly as he wondered what to do while he waited. Sans was fine--he’d be back eventually. He wouldn’t leave like he’d so foolishly run away--Sans liked the comforts of home too much. Even if he relapsed and sank into the cloying lull of instinct and everything he’d been trained to be...

He'd still know where home was and couldn't be gone for long.

... Right?

#undertalethingem writes #undertale au #gaster blaster au #bark at the moon fic #it..... continues....... #it's 'sans makes bad decisions' time! our favorite right? #sans (undertale) #papyrus (undertale) #Undyne (undertale)

[callunavulgari]

Scrapbook 2021 | Part II

For anyone that’s new to this, this is how I keep track of all of the things I enjoy and/or create throughout the year. I have literally been doing this since I had a livejournal. I think the first one was 2011? Maybe? In which case, woohoo, ten years of scrapbooking!

It’s a nice little snippet of my life and helps to organize my brain.

A reminder:

Normal font - Indifferent/Neutral Italicized font - Enjoyed bold font - Loved with an asterisk* - All time favorite (bracketed titles) - Re-watches/Re-reads strikethough - Disliked

Goals are: read 80 books (as of today, i am at 31 books, which sounds not great but goodreads assures me that it’s only 1 book behind schedule), finish five video games (at two at the moment... mostly because I keep dragging my feet on actually finishing P5R), write more than 20 fics (at... 6) or something larger than 20k (negative), and write either an original short story or start a novel (i have started plotting for the novel? does that count?)

Past Years

MOVIES

May

Mortal Kombat

(SW: The Phantom Menace)

(SW: Attack of the Clones)

(SW: Revenge of the Sith)

(SW: Rogue One)

(SW: A New Hope)

SW: Clone Wars

Enola

Wonder Woman 1984

Dark Phoenix

(Lord of the Rings: Fellowship of the Ring)

June

(Princess Mononoke)

Sailor Moon: Eternal

In The Heights

Wish Dragon

July

Luca

(Thor: Ragnarok)

(Doctor Strange)

(Guardians of the Galaxy)

Black Widow

Space Jam 2 Electric Boogaloo

August

The Green Knight

Godzilla vs Kong

(Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets)

BOOKS

May

These Violent Delights | Chloe Gong [Fin]

The Midnight Library | Matt Haig [Fin]

The Galaxy, and the Ground Within | Becky Chambers [Fin]

Unconquerable Sun | Kate Elliott

People We Meet On Vacation | Emily Henry [Fin]

The Soulmate Equation | Christina Lauren [Fin]

June

Unconquerable Sun | Kate Elliott [Fin]

September Love | Lang Leav [Fin]

One Last Stop | Casey McQuiston [Fin]

The Chosen and the Beautiful | Nghi Vo [Fin]

Lumberjanes, volume 2 | Noelle Stevenson [Fin]

For the Wolf | Hannah Whitten [Fin]

The Sandman | Neil Gaiman [Fin]

Mister Impossible | Maggie Stiefvater

July

Mister Impossible | Maggie Stiefvater [Fin]

TAZ: The Crystal Kingdom | The Mcelroys [Fin]

She Who Became the Sun | Shelley Parker-Chan

A Psalm for the Wild-Built | Becky Chambers

The Universe of Us | Lang Leav

August

She Who Became the Sun | Shelley Parker-Chan [Fin]

A Psalm for the Wild-Built | Becky Chambers

The Universe of Us | Lang Leav [Fin]

Lumberjanes, volume 3 | Noelle Stevenson [Fin]

Lumberjanes, volume 4 | Noelle Stevenson [Fin]

PODCASTS

May

The Penumbra Podcast, s3-END

June

The Magnus Archive - Fear Winners 1 & 2

July

Gods of Appalachia, Eps 1-6

(Wolf 359)

Janus Descending

August

(Wolf 359)

Mabel

(Zero Hours, ep 7)

Time:Bombs

TV SHOWS BY SEASON

May

Watcher Entertainment, Are You Scared?

Castlevania, s3, s4 [Fin]

Word of Honor [Fin]

Buzzfeed: Kelsey in Control?

Demon Slayer, s1

June

Demon Slayer, s1 [Fin]

Kim’s Convenience, s4

Leverage, s5 [Fin]

Watcher: Too Many Spirits, s3

Loki, s1

Lucifer, s2, s3, s4

Trese, s1

(Buzzfeed Unsolved: True Crime, s3, s6?)

(Buzzfeed Unsolved: Supernatural, s1)

Sweet Tooth, s1

Love, Death & Robots

July

Loki, s1 [Fin]

Watcher: Too Many Spirits, s3 [Fin]

Watcher: Dish Granted, s3

Shark Week

Lucifer, s5

Masters of the Universe: Revelation

August

The Owl House, s2

Watcher: Dish Granted, s3

Watcher Weekly+

Buzzfeed: Ruining History

Star Trek Discovery, s1, s2, s3

What If..., s1

VIDEO GAMES

May

Monster Hunter Rise, 12 hours

Mass Effect 1: Legendary Edition, 25 hours

Pokemon Go

June

Mass Effect 1: Legendary Edition, ? hours

Pokemon Go

Animal Crossing: New Horizons, ??? Hours

Persona 5 Royal, ??? hours

July

Persona 5 Royal, 167 hours

Pokemon Go

August

Persona 5 Royal, 167 hours

Pokemon Go

Ori and the Blind Forest [Fin]

DELIGHTFUL FIC

May

The word is help. by spqr | Star Wars | Din/Luke | 9k | In a flash, Fett has his blaster out and pointed at Luke’s head. “You’re right,” he says. “Turnabout’s fair play. So maybe I oughta shoot you.”

Don’t be afraid. by spqr | Star Wars | Obi-Wan/Anakin | 12k | “Padawan Kenobi,” Yoda says, after a moment. “Complete your training, Master Skywalker will.”

who carried the hill by spqr | Star Wars | Din/Luke | 22k | Din’s about to head up the ramp onto the newly-repaired Razor Crest when a string pulls taut around his heart and yanks him into the sky.

Tapestry by spqr | Star Wars | Obi-Wan/Anakin | 8k | In March, Obi-Wan drags Anakin to another faculty party, where Anakin gets all sorts of wrong ideas about Quinlan Vos and decides to fellate Obi-Wan in a coat closet about it.

wonderterror by peradi | Star Wars | Leia/Han/Luke | 6k | Anakin Skywalker is the son of the Force.He’s half human and half something monumental.What does that make his children?

Xen Gardens by denimwrapped | Buzzfeed Unsolved | Ryan & Shane | 1k | Shane Madej saves the day.A strange man comes to congratulate him.

A Series of Better Decisions by SassySnowperson | Star Wars | Padme/Obi-Wan/Anakin | 9k | "Kill him. Kill him now!" Chancellor Palpatine hissed, as Anakin held the two blades against Dooku's neck. "No," Anakin said. "It's not the Jedi way."

Futurus (-a -um) by cadesama | Star Wars | Padme/Anakin/Obi-Wan | 60k | Cracked hyperdrive? No problem. Just hold it together with the Force. Time travel? Well. That could be a bigger problem.

Comfort in Wartime by Rosbridge | Star Wars | Padme/Obi-Wan/Anakin | 4k | Obi-Wan is exhausted, drunk, and just about out of fucks to give.

spark me up, i'm a firework (i'll burst into light) by coffeeinallcaps | FATWS | Bucky/Sam | 7k | "You know how the super-soldier serum makes everything, well, super? I guess you could say that's what happened to my sex drive."

Thaw by spqr | Star Wars | Din/Luke | 6k | That’s what hope does to you, Luke remembers now. It lingers at the back of your mind, whispering maybe, maybe, so that knowing a plan is stupid isn’t enough to keep you from trying it.

Christ in Repose by spqr | Din/Luke | 8k | More on this story as it develops. Subscribe to HNN’s JEDI WATCH newsletter for instant updates on Jedi sightings throughout the galaxy.

Insufferable by perkynurples | Word of Honor | Wen Kexing/Zhou Zishu | 3k | Wen Kexing asks a question. Zhou Zishu only hesitates to answer for a little while.

parasitic, parasocial by brawlite | The Untamed | Song Lan/Xiao Xingchen/Xue Yang | 45k | Xue Yang stumbles upon the channel of Fuxue, a popular videogame streamer, and immediately becomes completely and utterly obsessed with him. Unfortunately, Fuxue has a boyfriend -- but that's fine: Xue Yang loves a challenge.

Aaron Burr has Hamilton's RSI and he isn't pleased about it. by DragonBandit | Hamilton | Hamilton/Aaron Burr | 3k | Aaron knows 2 things about his soulmate: The first is that they're angry about everything. The second is that they need to fucking sleep.

dinluke lawyer au by spqr | Star Wars | Din/Luke | 31k | At 1:18 a.m., just when Luke is starting to think he might’ve gotten away with something, Biggs Darklighter shows up on the other side of his desk and says, “I can’t believe you called in sick to get shotgun married to a Mando.”

like, comment, subscribe by DeHeerKonijn, Roselightfairy | Lord of the Rings | Gimli/Legolas | 90k+ | Legolas meets Gimli for lunch - unfortunately, he meets someone else, too.

a jackal; a thief by brawlite | Word of Honor | Wen Kexing/Ye Baiyi | 11k | This is not the first time Wen Kexing’s body has been poisoned like this.

you're the trouble that i always find by sundiscus | Word of Honor | Wen Kexing/Zhou Zishu | 27k | “Do you know him?” Jin Wang asks.The ringing in Zhou Zishu's ears gets louder. “No, Wangye,” he says.At Zhou Zishu’s voice, the prisoner freezes.

vampire!wwx threadfic by sundiscus | The Untamed | Wei Wuxian/Lan Wangji | ??? words | in which vampires exist in a modern cultivation au, lwj is investigating a string of strange deaths, and wwx is a vampire he can’t seem to kill.

Velle by DeHeerKonijn, Roselightfairy | LotR | Gimli/Legolas | 29k | Velle (Latin): to want.

June

May All My Wounds Be Mortal by hansbekhart | Word of Honor | Wen Kexing/Zhou Zishu | 10k | Peeled out of his many robes, Wen Kexing’s body reveals itself to be mostly leg. He strips eagerly, grinning up at Zhou Zishu as if this is another joke between them. See? Wen Kexing’s body seems to say, I have no secrets from you.

drop by brawlite | The Untamed | Song Lan/Xue Yang | 4k |  Xue Yang has had this dream before.

Splenda by Tierfal | FMA | Ed/Roy | 19k | WIP | A sugar daddy AU that barely even qualifies as a sugar daddy AU, because these two can't do anything right.

From the Ashes by blacktofade | Buzzfeed Unsolved | Shane/Ryan | 3k | “This doesn’t need to leave this room,” Ryan had said that first time. “Casual is my middle name.”

Whale Songs by denimwrapped | Buzzfeed Unsolved | Ryan/Shane | 2k | It could be humming, he thinks. Some distant angelic humming. What it’s humming about, he’d have to find out the hard way. All he can hear in his mind’s ear is come closer. There’s so much more in the depths than you’ve ever known.

A Good Bargain by Neery | Word of Honor | Wen Kexing/Zhou Zishu | 11k | The Window of Heaven captures the Ghost Valley's master. Zhou Zishu is put in charge of interrogating him.

So Why Not Crack Your Skull When the Mind Swells by greenteafiend | The Untamed | Lan Wangji/Wei Wuxian | 13k | Or, Wei Wuxian is cursed to feel terrible pain when he and Lan Wangji aren’t touching.

the agony and the irony by arostine | Buzzfeed Unsolved | Ryan/Shane | 44k | WIP |  Ryan has a lot on his plate right now. He’s one of three members of his species employed at BuzzFeed, and the only male omega, and his boss keeps asking him to do videos about being an iterant ‘to educate the humans,’ when what he really wants to do is videos about ghosts.

the rest of your life by bestliars | Buzzfeed Unsolved | Ryan/Shane/Sara | 30k | MYSTERY DISAPPEARANCE IN THE MIDWEST! The year is 2034. Successful video producer Ryan Bergara uproots his whole life to take care of his friend’s children.

sit in my circle and hold my hand by soda_coded | Buzzfeed Unsolved | Ryan/Shane | 14k | Ryan and Shane work for the metaphysical department of the LAPD, fool around and get cursed.

Idle Hands (Do the Devil's Work) by ma_malice | Buzzfeed Unsolved | Ryan/Shane | 4k | In which the only upside to being a demon stuck in a seasonal Chicago snowstorm is the ability to abandon your body and possess your boyfriend in LA.

Shell Game by Giddygeek | The Magicians | Quentin/Eliot | 20k | Or, Quentin can’t believe he never thought to ask if there was a magical time in Fillory when people swapped bodies with the last person they slept with.

Contention by hollybennett123 | Word of Honor | Wen Kexing/Zhou Zishu/Ye Baiyi | 3k |  The Zhou Zishu of ten minutes ago, who first agreed to the whole thing — the evening’s conversation and general bickering over drinks taking an unexpectedly filthy turn — had been thinking only about the imminent pounding on offer and not, well, everything else that might come with it.

Necrocafé by etothey | Locked Tomb Trilogy | Gideon/Harrow | 2k | Harrowhark Nonagesimus isn't sure which confounds her more: the new boxes of bones she is to animate, or the hot redheaded courier who brings the boxes.

simple man by spqr | Loki | Loki/Mobius, Loki/Loki | 6k | “Tell you what,” says Mobius, shortly after the Timekeepers have sentenced Loki to death, “why don’t I take care of this?”

(Un)disclosed desires by Springandastorm | Loki | Loki/Mobius | "That's not how I see you at all, Loki." Mobius said, unexpectedly earnest. "We all play roles sometimes." 

sources of light by brawlite | Word of Honor | Wen Kexing/Zhou Zishu | 3k | Zhou Zishu makes a difficult choice in order to save Wen Kexing's life. The morning after is not an easy one.

warm company, cold nights by janonny | Word of Honor | Wen Kexing/Zhou Zishu | 23k | He gave Zhou Zishu a lingering look from beneath his lashes. “Your virtuous wife will accompany you of course.”

July

the potential of broken things by icarusinflight | Harry Potter | Drarry | 11k | "Can you feel that? Some things want to be what they once were. The original spell is still there, and it wants to work again. All it takes is a little push and then"—Draco clicks his fingers of his free hand—"snap, everything will go back into place."

little beast by brawlite | The Untamed | Song Lan/Xue Yang | 7k | Payback's a bitch.

you, undeniable you by returnsandreturns | Brooklyn Nine-Nine | Jake/Amy | 1k | “Are you sure you’re okay with this?” Jake asks, for the fourth time. “Because we can just ditch that thing, toss it out a window, do it missionary like the founding fathers intended.”

Car Talk by drunkbedelia | Loki | Mobius/Loki | 1k | ‘When I pruned myself, I thought I might be able to find Loki,' Sylvie said.

one too many by sarcasticfishes | Watcher | Ryan/Shane | 1k | “Stay here,” Ryan says, just casual enough, “I’ll drive you home tomorrow.”

Tencent and Chill by quoth_the_ravenclaw | The Untamed | Nie Huaisang/Nie Mingjue | 2k | “Da-ge,” Huaisang whines, all for show, as much a performance as the actors on screen. He wiggles his toes. “My feet are so sore, you worked me too hard.”

The House at the End of the World by Hopetohell | Loki | Loki/Mobius/Sylvie | 1k | What will they do, now that they can do anything?

moderate the middle by ElisAttack | Loki | Loki/Mobius/Sylvie | 9k | People only smiled with their eyes when it was real. Unless they were a Loki. No matter the differences between the variants, their tricky grins were a constant as much as they were indiscernible.

Lost and Sound by snack_size | Loki | Loki/Thor/Sylvie | 5k | “Sylvie, did you help my brother defeat the Time Police?”

push the button (and let me know) by dinosuns | Loki | Loki/Mobius | 5k | “How about this?” hands folded on the table, he watches Loki intently. “If you tell me why, I’ll answer.” 

We're (not) all villains here by sir_not_appearing_in_this_archive | Loki | Loki/Mobius/Sylvie | 19k | WIP | Alone and friendless (once again), Loki has to find a way to set things right, or at least right enough he can comfortably sneak off into the sunset, which starts with one thing: saving Mobius's lost memories.

what remains by dinosuns | Loki | Loki/Mobius | “You’re no analyst.” Mobius sounds stunned. They are not aligned, they are not in tandem. But there are wistful glimmers of what is now agonisingly out of reach.

worth a shot by thereyoflight | Loki | Loki/Sylvie | 2k | When Loki and Sylvie are moments away from being cornered on the train in Lamentis, they resort to desperate measures.

Bug Problems by xorabbit | Marvel | Grandmaster/Loki | 7k |  Loki ends up on Sakaar, of course, with just that many more schemes to scheme. However, the Grandmaster is not altogether too terrible--a bit of fine luck, for once--and perhaps it's all right to have a better-natured fling while one works out what's next.

our way, no takebacks by dinosuns | Loki | Loki/Mobius | 20k | "Nice speech," Sylvie drawls, but the sarcasm doesn't land.

August

Vennen min by spqr | Loki | Loki/Mobius | 12k | The day they let Mobius out of the infirmary, Loki gets assigned to a new handler. This, Mobius is pretty sure, is where the trouble starts.

new terms by dinosuns | Loki | President Loki/Mobius | 21k | For the first time in his life, Loki triumphs. How fitting then, for the end to swiftly barge in unannounced.

Icarus by Waako | Loki | Loki/Mobius | 5k | When Mobius got pruned, he expected two different outcomes. Either eternal peace or eternal emptiness. He certainly didn’t expect a grey sky, ruins of old buildings looming over him, and a Loki variant watching him like he was a piece of fresh meat.

Stress Relief by spqr | Loki | Loki/Mobius | 3.5k |  “Let me read you something,” Loki says. He rifles through the pages, clears his throat, and Mobius puts a hand over his eyes because he knows what’s coming before Loki even reads the first word—“Pēdīcābō ego vōs et irrumābō—“

just like the weather by sarcasticfishes | BFU | Shane/Ryan/Sara | 6k | “Y’know,” Ryan shrugs. “Friends have kids together sometimes. Like if a same-sex couple has a friend surrogate for them. Or sometimes people just co-parent.”

Woodash and iron and leather by iffervescent | The Witcher | 9k | Jaskier is the only person Geralt's ever been around who doesn't smell of fear

Food of Love by tanktrilby | The Witcher | Geralt/Jaskier | 22k | I brought a dead princess back to life through the power of song is the kind of thing that would have got an eyebrow raise even from the stone-faced Geralt of Rivia, so it's a good thing he and Geralt will probably never see each other again.

If The Morning Light Sets In by nagia | Castlevania | Sypha/Trevor/Alucard | 45k | Save the Belmonts, save the world.

halfway by ivelostmyspectacles | Castlevania | Sypha/Alucard/Trevor | 12k | Vampire attacks are happening again. Unprovoked, strange, humans and vampires dying alike. A disease. Alucard assures them that he isn't susceptible.

lonely lonely heart by spqr | Loki | Loki/Mobius | 7k |  Mobius looks down at the paperwork, gets a sort of flustered farmboy look on his face, looks back up at Loki and says, “You offered to give a cop fellatio in the middle of Central Park.”

Bedrest by Lise | The Untamed | Xiao Xingchen& Xue Yang | 3k | Xiao Xingchen's newest patient is causing him problems. He just won't stay put.

too little, too late. by raisesomehale | Miraculous Ladybug | Adrien/Marinette | 6k | WIP |  “Ladybug.” Chat’s voice cuts in like molten steel.

DELIGHTFUL FANVIDS

May

Jesper Fahey | 99 Problems

Jesper Fahey | OLD TOWN ROAD

Kaz & Inej | I Can't Pretend

human | kaz brekker

bucky barnes || humble

The Mandalorian || Warriors

The Mandalorian | I'll See You Again

Hope is the light.

►Zhou Zishu & Wen Kexing | Beautiful mess

Kaz & Inej | I Can't Pretend

versailles at night | alina & the darkling

look what you made me do | the darkling

Bucky Barnes | Rasputin

Obi-Wan || dirty work

Blood in the water [the Witcher]

MARVEL || Astronaut in the Ocean

Enola Holmes || Unstoppable

Shadow & Bone || Fire Meets Fate

Mo Dao Zu Shi Season 3 AMV/Trailer - Teeth

Kylo Ren | STAR WARS

June

MARVEL || Rasputin

MARVEL || Astronaut in the Ocean

i dont enjoy hurting people | Loki [1x01]

loki laufeyson • unsteady [⚠ 1x01]

MARVEL || Levitating

Shadow & Bone | Paint It Black

Glitter & Gold | Jesper Fahey

Shadow and Bone | Levitating

wen kexing ✘ zhou zishu | put your lips on mine

Erik Lensherr - Magneto

The Crows || Circus

The Crows | Thrift Shop (Shadow & Bone)

Zemo & Bucky — RASPUTIN [tfatws]

Cruella | Feeling good

Percy Jackson || Watch Me

THE KILLING KIND || The Magnus Archives Animatic

LOKI || Glorious Purpose

The Darkling | Black Heretic

Sam x Bucky || Handclap [HUMOR]

Loki || Lovely

Doctor Strange || Dystopia

Loki & Sylvie || I’m not your friend

Loki || Hate Me

MARVEL || River

Loki & Bucky || Paint It Black

Wanda Maximoff || The Scarlet Witch (WandaVision)

Play With Fire || MARVEL || Loki Doctor Strange Scarlet Witch

MARVEL || Warriors

Loki || God of Mischief || You Do You

(Marvel) Loki | You Will Never Be A God

Marvel's Horror Cinematic Universe

community gardens || the magnus archives PMV

July

Thor || Rise

Loki & Sylvie - Demons in my head [ep.3]

//HUMANS// THE MAGNUS ARCHIVES

Loki | Lost

A Quiet Place

Loki & Sylvie || Strange Birds

Loki & Sylvie "I won't let you down" | (+1x05)

♚ Loki & Sylvie | If You Love Me (1x04)

Loki & Sylvie | If our love is wrong [Loki +1x04]

Loki and Mobius | Hold On [Loki +1x05]

loki laufeyson • in the end [+ 1x04]

Loki and Sylvie || Feeling Good

Marvel || Black Widow - Counting Stars || Natasha Romanoff 

Cruella || Little Wicked

MARVEL || This is My Time || Shang-Chi Trailer Music

Sylvie | Unstoppable (Loki +1x03)

Loki and Sylvie (Lady Loki) || Play With Fire

Wanda and Vision || Dancing With Your Ghost

Wanda Maximoff and Loki || You Should See Me In A Crown

Loki and his Variants ⚔ King of Space [ep.5]

Loki & Sylvie ❤ This world is slowing down [ep.5]

Sylvie || Confident (+1x04)

•Loki x Sylvie ⱠΞⴼ King and Queens•

Loki - In The End | Marvel

Loki & Sylvie ❤ Out of Control [ep.4]

Loki & Mobius | Dynasty [LOKI/+1x04]

Loki & Sylvie ❤ Love War [ep.6]

(Marvel) Loki | Glorious Purpose

(MARVEL) Loki | Chaos

Loki | In The End [+1X06]

Loki x Sylvie | Another Love

Loki & Sylvie | Arcade [ Loki +1x06]

MARVEL || The Assembled Universe (c/w ASTrix UI)

August

Natasha & Yelena || Do It Like A Dude

Black Widow || Smells Like Teen Spirit

MARVEL || Uptown Funk

MARVEL || 1 in a Million

MARVEL/DC || Dies Irae

Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness TRAILER #1

MARVEL || Loki 

DELIGHTFUL MUSIC

May

The Wild One - Suzi Quatro

What’s So Funny ‘Bout - Sharon Van Etten

Levitating - Dua Lipa

The Underground - Meg Myers

You Won’t Find Me - Narrow Skies

Elixir of Life - Leah

Salt and the Sea - The Lumineers

ERROR - Niki, Kradness

Runaway - AURORA

Butterfly Water - Pastelle

Close to the Sun - Porcelain Pill

Selkie-boy - The Lost Words

Good Riddance - Annapantsu

Die Anywhere Else - Julia Henderson

Heat Waves - Glass Animals

Down - St Vincent

Word of Honor OST

Welcome to the Pleasuredome - Frankie Goes to Hollywood

Shy Away - Twenty One Pilots

Follow You - Imagine Dragons

I’m Not That Girl - Kerry Ellis

Meant to be Yours - Ryan McCartan

Ex Wives - Six

Euphoria - BTS

Walls - Cher

96,000 - In the Heights

Sun Goes Down - Lil Nas X

Enough For You - Olivia Rodrigo

Brutal - Olivia Rodrigo

Ziti E Buoni - Maneskin

Shum - Go_A

Loco Loco - Hurricane

Space Ghost Coast to Coast - Glass Animals

The Horror and the Wild (whole album - The Amazing Devil

Chant - Hadestown

Titans - Major Lazer, Sia

Bones - Galantis

Golden Dandelions - Barns Courtney

Le Nozze di Figaro - Hybrid

Save Your Tears - The Weeknd

Psycho - Post Malone

Gold Lion - Yeah Yeah Yeahs

Close to Me - Ellie Goulding

And So It Went - The Pretty Reckless

help herself - bbno$

Fire For You - Cannons

Twist the Knife - Chromatics

He Said She Said - Chvrches

Face Down - The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus

Campus - Vampire Weekend

Your Power - Billie Eilish

Reach - Eternal Eclipse

1 Last Cigarette - The Band Camino

Insertion - Hans Zimmer

from the edge - fictionjunction

The Devil Is a Gentleman - Merci Raines

Meet Me In The Woods - Amarante

Fire - Saint Mesa

Smells Like Teen Spirit - Saint Mesa

Appetite - Casey Edwards

All Things Devour - aeseaes

Throne - Saint Mesa

Witchcraft - Vian Izak

June

The Shrine / An Argument - Fleet Foxes

It’s Tricky - Run

Darjeeling - Barrie

Hollywood Forever Cemetery Sings - Father John Misty

Picture Me Better - Weyes Blood

Loch Lomond - Mackenzi Tolk

Punta - Matzzy

Touch It Clean - DJ Raulito

Oh No - Kreepa

Ancient Dreams in a Modern Land - Marina

Sofia - Askjell

The Boy - Shannon & the Clams

First Steps - Lena Raine

The Power of Balance Rearranged - Rush Garcia

And So My Heart Became a Void - Ursine Vulpine

Paper Mache - Iris Lune

Catch Me If You Can - Desert Belle

Darkroom Double - Moon & Pollution

Serotonin - girl in red

In the Air Tonight - Natalie Taylor

When Your Heart Is a Stranger - Friends In Paris

Moon Effect - Sailor Moon Eternal OST

In A Black Out - Hamilton Leithauser

Forever - CHVRCHES

Way Less Sad - AJR

Helter Skelter - Detention

The Devil You Know - X Ambassadors

TVA - Natalie Holt

Honeybee-The Head and the Heart

Home All Summer - Anthony Ramos

In the Shadows - Amy Stroup

My Way - Lucifer Cast

In the Air Tonight - Jon Howard

The Beast - Old Caltone

The Beast - Delta Rae

Freak Like Me - Adina Howard

Only the Good Die Young - Billy Joel

Winds of Change - Scorpions

good 4 u - Olivia Rodrigo

If I Could See The World - Patsy Cline

Ends of the Earth - Lord Huron 

The Killing Kind - Marianas Trench

Bones - Wens

Kiss Me More - Doja Cat

How Not to Drown - CHVRCHES

July

Dark Moon - Bonnie Guitar

Free Smiles - Tia Ray

Sundown Blues - Joanna Levine

Citta Vuoto - Mina

If You Love Me - Brenda Lee

Very Full - Tom Hiddleston

Loki Green Theme - Natalie Holt

Wrecked - Imagine Dragons

The Wolves - Cyrus Reynolds

Cure For Me - Aurora

Theory of Light - Eternal Eclipse

Fate of the Clockmaker - Eternal Eclipse

Potential Breakup Son - Aly and AJ

transparent soul - travis barker

My Love Will Never DSie - AG, Claire Wyndham

Happy Together - King Princess

Atomise - Temple

Darkside - Oshins

Someone to Watch Over Me - Lucifer Cast

This is Ours - Peter Sivo

Love and War - Fleurie

Take Me To Church - MILCK

Devil I Know - Allie X

East of Eden - Zella Day

Shadow Preachers - Zella Day

Losing My Religion - BELLSAINT

Hard to Kill - Beth Crowley

Dark Side - Blind Channel

Tanz Mit Mir - Faun

My Jolly Sailor Bold - Ashley Serena

Stuttering - Fefe Dobson

August

Monsters and Fairies - Savannah

Chosen - SVRCINA

IAN HA 3BYK - GO A

Freya - Verdandi

Sick on Seventh Strett - Sarah and the Safe Word

Tarah - Sae Sae Norris

Suspicion - Sherwood Roberts

Fjorgyn - Osi and the Jupiter

Fight to Make It Up - Takenobu

The Edge of Dawn - Rozen

Innocence - Cannon Diviision

A Stray Child - .Hack//Sign

The Kiss - Luigi Rubino

Any Kind of Dead Person - Ghost Quartet

The Great Unknown - Dominique Gilbert

Smells Like Teen Spirit - Saint Mesa

over the rainbow - misterwives

Fireflies - Cullen Vance

My mother Told Me - Nati Dreddd

Athetosis - Crywolf

Major Tom - Shiny Toy Guns

Novacaine - 10 Years

Right Here Right Now - Jesus Jones

NDA - Billie Eilish

Trouble’s Coming - Royal Blood

Completing the Circle - Gareth Coker

There’ll Always Be Another Monster - Brian D’Oliveira

POSTED FIC

May

take my hand and i'll drown you with me | Star Wars | Rey & Ben Solo | 2,157 words |  “You brought this upon yourself,” the creature told her, its voice serene.

June

keeping me restless and whole | Loki | Loki/Mobius | 1,584 words | Mobius was very young when he encountered his first Loki.

July

feed me lies until i'm dead | Loki | Thor/Loki | 3,476 words | “Don’t you think we should talk about it?” Thor asks.

the ghost of us can linger here | Loki | Loki/Mobius/Sylvie | 4,432 words | “So, how do you crazy kids want to do this?” Mobius asks them in a stage whisper, mouth twitching. At her back, Loki laughs, burying the sound against the curve of her neck.

there's a whisper in my bones | Loki | Loki/Mobius/Sylvie | 2,794 words |  “All right,” she says. “Fine. Let’s make things more interesting. Take off your clothes.”

east of eden | Loki | Loki/Mobius/Sylvie | 2,202 words |  “How long have you been fucking him?”  Mobius asks, stroking his fingers against the place where leather meets skin.

Triptych in C Minor | Loki | Loki/Mobius/Sylvie | 1,647 words | Pt 1 | There is a house at the end of time, past the last storm, pushed up against the very edge of the unknown. It is a castle, a manor, a fortress - all depending on who inhabits it. But one thing that it never is, is a home.

August

N/A

WIPS | UNPUBLISHED | ORIGINAL

May

2k of Reylo mermay fic

June

N/A

July

1k+ of Xue Yang being a slut for Song Lan and Xiao Xingchen

300 words of vampire Song Lan

7k of Green Knight AU

August

10k of Green Knight AU

1.5k of hair dye shenanigans

FANMIXES/GRAPHICS

May

yearning: a playlist for the heart

June

the chosen and the beautiful: a mix for jordan baker

July 

kings & queens of the ruckus: a mix for loki and sylvie

August

N/A

#heather says what #heather writes #scrapbook #2021

[answrs]

Catbun Shiro AU

I promised to post my notes for this au and then never got on the desktop to do it, asdfkl sorry y’all. :x @headspacedad this one’s for you. (I reeeeeally hope this isn’t too confusing, it’s mostly a big jumble of notes for the au assembled in relative order to something resembling a plot. so uh, you’ve been warned. there’s pictures at the end though!)

Important note on setting, since I’m deathly allergic to basically anything besides the existence of characters post season 2, the whole deal with the castle is pretty malleable as a setting to me. basically, castleship wasn’t destroyed, at least not entirely. it’s disabled and most of it is too damaged to inhabit, but the lion hangars and the controls are still functional, if a bit beat up. (tbh mostly because it’s much easier than trying to juggle everyone with the lions as the only transport). so they’ll end up setting up camp close to the lions with Allura and Coran having a quick way to get to the control room to steer the castle out of any action they fall into, since the weapons/defenses are basically shot. no time travel nonsense or other funky shenanigans either, but the characters are all there.

also I’ve never written voltron before and it shows asdfkl but I TRIED AND THAT’S WHAT MATTERS

Now that’s out of the way, the actual good part of the au, the plot! :p

-

It happens when Allura tries to smash “their” Shiro into the clone’s body. Something goes wrong, or maybe Shiro’s soul is just so affronted by the idea of them expecting him to just... nonconsensually wrest control from an already occupied body. But he’s still being yanked back onto the mortal plane and if he doesn’t have a body his mind will die, so either subconsciously on his part or purposefully on Black’s, it rebounds into the nearest available viable occupancy.

The group watches as Allura struggles, frustratedly trying to shove “Real” Shiro into the traitor’s body, but before they can comprehend the shock and despair on her face as the tendril of essence is ripped away from her, the black lion roars and bursts away, no pilot at the helm and racing towards stars-knows-where.

-

It’s a small junk planet of sorts, with no obvious humanoid or sentient species. Shiro is groggy and stumbling around because there is very much something wrong with his limbs… 

(the black lion seems much larger than he remembers and oh look he can see his reflection in her plating now and whoops…)

The body looking back out at him from the mirrored surface is some sort of small quadruped creature. Its fur is entirely black, or possibly a dark gray, but for the tuft of bright white on the head just like his former body’s had had. did whatever stuck him in this thing have just that sheer luck finding a body, or was that obnoxious hairstyle just inexplicably tied to his soul now-? (he can feel Black huffing her laughter in his mind, she'd had the option of a body with matching fur to her namesake color, but his quintessence had bleached his new little mane going in. or… something to that effect, at least. he'd gotten much more fluent in translating her thoughts and images into words in that void of her mind, but a year could only teach you so much with a whole universe's worth of cultural (and species) divide.)

rolling the steel grey eyes- again just like his own- or would it be former? body ("windows to the soul", a quote surfaces in his memory), he goes back to plotting out this new vessel. It's quite fluffy, but he can make out two long ears that remind him of a rabbit. the hind legs are elongated like one too, though not to the extent an Earth's species' would be, he thinks. The tail poking out just behind them is short too, but reminds him more of the grouchy old cat his grandmother kept when he was growing up. opening his mouth, the similarities to the old bobtail seem to extend to its dentition too, pointed fangs indicative of whatever species this was being at least some sort of predator. Life hadn't been kind to the former inhabitant, and not just that this body had been recently vacated. nicks are evident on an ear, and he'd bet the unkempt fur covered up at least a few scars of its own. But thankfully none of his own scars had seemingly crossed over on top of the rest. he can very much feel his (formerly) missing arm… paw? and he starts when it finally dawns on him just how much easier his breathing is without that huge scar marring the bridge of his nose.

-

the team arrive to find Black lying in a covered clearing of sorts, calm as can be, and shields down. nothing seems amiss but as they get closer, Lance with his sharpshooting eye is the first to spot something on Black's muzzle. with everyone on edge after the clone, even the local fauna don't get a pass from their scrutiny and they ready their weapons, but the moment a charge starts to hum the shields slam up, startling them.

-

(the clone = Ryou/Jiro/Taka, Shiro’d called him many things watching him from his place in Black, which is absolutely of course not just an excuse I’m making up because I can’t decide what he decides to go by so I just keep using them interchangeably sorry if it’s confusing D:)

Once the team collects Black and her finally returned passenger, Shiro absolutely is constantly sitting on Ryou's head, or riding on his shoulder, or just generally hanging out around the clone.

(Honestly, at first it's also because he's not entirely sure he trusts anyone, clone or not, not to do anything rash and he'll be damned if he's not be there to prevent another tragedy.)

(He's still rather indignant on the man's behalf, honestly, and even if he can somewhat see why the group reacted how they did he doesn't accept their actions. And he's been watching the guy through Black basically the whole time, it was so obvious to him the poor kid was being controlled against his will. Not to mention his reaction afterward, how he doesn't trust himself and is afraid of hurting anyone even tied up and literally disarmed in the back of the cockpit the group is convened in. Maybe Black has rubbed off on him with treating her chosen paladins as cubs to be protected, but he sees him almost as a little brother and it rubs him the wrong way how he's being treated by the group. So even if the comfort he can offer him is little and a bit strange, he'll chill on his leg for hours for a nap and some eventual fingers combing through his fur when the clone is finally distracted enough to not be thinking about it.)

-

It’s possible Shiro had been part of Black long enough to pick up how to communicate through the lion's bond, and uses it to talk to his new little brother. (It’s certainly a lot easier than constant, neverending charades)

Telling the kid to ask the others to remove the restraints, to which Jiro steadfastedly refuses, half because he's afraid of himself, the other because (to the other's confusion, since they only hear the clone talking out loud) they absolutely would not believe that the request isn't just his own and he was making it all up. Gets kind of heated because Shiro just will not let it go despite his refusal, because to him he obviously isn't dangerous and doesn't see the problem here. He's been disconnected from the problems of the living for a bit too long perhaps, and while he knows on a level there’s distrust between the team and the clone, and even the clone with himself, because he's seen the man’s soul and has known him much longer in a metaphysical sense he kinda forgets others don’t automatically see in that way.

There's one point early on, that the group first learns Shiro can (and has been) talking through the mind link to him. Lance notices the small fluffy body half inside of his bag, rummaging around through his toiletries. He’s been going crazy with all the extra fur on this body (it might even be shedding season for the creature, and it's just so. damn. ITCHY.) and he's desperate enough he’s resorted to getting the scissors he knows are hiding in there out himself. Except no one knows what he's doing and eventually break to come ask the clone if he knows what the fuck is going on and what he's trying to tell them, to which he's like, he wants you to trim down the fur?? he's been driving me insane complaining about it the past few days?? can he not tell you himself?? (he thought Shiro could and had been talking to the others just like he had been to him the whole time. and was just choosing to complain and annoy him constantly for whatever reason instead of asking them himself)

-

Piloting the lions in a battle the first time is... not great. There's a nearby planet being attacked and Red nothing short of demands her pilot back, allowing Blue a perfect excuse to grab Lance again, because Black's got two perfectly semi-functional pilots right here, so really, what's the problem? the paladins eventually figure since Black refuses to respond to Keith and Red is practically banging down the door to his mind while ignoring Lance that it's better to have four lions than two and fly in their original configuration, leaving Allura to pilot the remains of the castle to a safe distance since the weapons and shields are damn near useless in a fight right now.

None of the paladins would want to fly with Jiro, and he doesn't trust himself enough to do it even if they would, but Shiro can't exactly reach the controls right now and she's been out of the battle long enough and the galra are converging and ffs, Black just has to do everything herself now doesn't she... Cue a very terrifying sudden scene of his body going lax with a blank look on the poor clone's face, eyes glowing the bright yellow of the giant lion as he robotically stands up and goes straight to the awaiting lion's maw, ignoring or discarding any restraint with impossible strength as the Alteans and company scramble to stop him, only to ram into metal or shield as the lion scoops them both up, apparently tired of waiting. (They didn't notice, but the small passenger's body clinging to the material of his shirt had also gone ramrod straight, but Black is very much telling both of them to Cat Up and just get over here already)

thankfully they don't have to form Voltron, since there's absolutely no way they'd be able to just then, even if the rest of the team somehow thought only the "real" Shiro was at the controls. after the battle Black finally allows the others to enter, and en masse they burst in to find The Traitor™ sitting in the seat, lone hand on one part of the controls, Real Shiro™™ situated on his knee, paws resting on the other half. Clone is eyeing them guiltily, but not moving in order not to jostle his passenger, who’s just now turning to look at the small audience, blinking owlishly as he finally manages to disengage from Black's direct connection. (he's spent so long enveloped in that nebulous and vast mindspace he needs to remember he has a body to return to now, mismatched as it is.)

---

and now some pictures! pro-tip, turns out it’s much harder to mix together a cat and bunny than i’d ever expected like what??? ah well, have a doodle of The Fur Boi

And a little pre- vs post- haircut inspo:

#vld #vld au #vld shiro #voltron #headspacedad #mine #answrs does plotshells #how tf do you tag this #ive never written voltron before and it shows omf

[ltleflrt]

YAY!!! I'm so greedy for your writing... Coworker & Immortal AU, Please and thank you

I’m kinda stretching the definition of coworkers here, but in the eyes of an Immortal, human definitions are probably fleeting anyway :)

Warning for people dying.

Little fingers press against Dean’s palm, and he gives them a reassuring squeeze as he watches the heartbreak spread across the faces of the nurses as the doctor calls time of death.  The soft crying of the witnesses turns into broken sobs that make even Dean’s ancient heart squeeze painfully.  

“Will they be sad for a long time?”

Dean looks down at the spirit of the child gripping his hand.  In the last days of her life, her body was thin, and ravaged by sores.  In death, she’s beautiful, practically glowing with the the power of a young soul that hasn’t dimmed from a long lifetime of use.  “They might,” he answers honestly.  “But not forever.”

“I wish I could tell them I feel better now.”  Her large brown eyes swim with metaphysical tears as she watches her parents mourn.

He smiles at her.  What a gentle heart.  Many children make wishes when they pass from the world of the living.  Sometimes they don’t want to leave, and they wish to go back.  Some wish they could see a beloved pet again, or say goodbye to their friends.  A large number of them wish they could take their toys with them, which always delights Dean.

If he had the power to grant wishes, the ones made on behalf of their lost loved ones are the wishes he’d be most eager to fulfill.  Alas, he’s the embodiment of Death, not a Djinn.  “I wish you could too.”

She heaves a sigh that expresses a knowledge only gained by death.  “Thanks.” She gives him a watery smile.  “So what’s next?”

“You have a journey to make,” Dean says.

“Like Dora the Explorer?”

He laughs at her sudden excitement.  “Yes, just like that.”

She bounces on her toes when he introduces her to the Reaper assigned to lead her to her next destination.  Only once does she look back, waving goodbye to him and to her parents who have yet to come to terms with the sudden termination of her short life.  Then she fades away, her spirit absorbed into the larger fabric of the Universe.

“I’d feel more sorry for them if they weren’t anti-vaxxers,” Sam says from nearby.  “How many of the other kids here do you think might be dying because their daughter was patient zero at her school?”

“All of them,” Dean answers.  He spares a glance for the mourning parents, and grimaces.  Crowley’s anti-vax movement has been very effective.  

He always does his best work using misinformation rather than spreading actual plagues.  Even the Black Death became the massive killing machine that it did because he’d convinced people that cats were The Devil’s creatures.  So many cats were wiped out, they could no longer keep up with the plague carrying rats infesting human cities.  Crowley was quite proud of that one.

That many falling to him at once was overwhelming.  He and his reapers had been overworked, and he’d been pretty pissed about it.  Especially since each death had been so intensely miserable.  Dean is neutral to death because everyone succumbs to it eventually, but that doesn’t mean he condones such cruel methods.  

Which means it’s time to intervene.  “Crowley.”  He feels the other horseman’s presence fill the hospital before it condenses down into the form of a small man in a tailored suit.  

“You called?” Crowley asks in his crisp British accent.  It’s an affect; Crowley has existed since before English started stealing words from other languages, and long before the most ancient forms of verbal communication.

“You’ve made your mark here,” Dean says.  “It’s time to lift your touch from this town.”

Crowley scoffs.  “Only 9 have been infected.  I’ve barely started--”

“It’s enough,” Dean commands sharply.  “The Fates have other plans for these people, and you’ve already interfered with their work enough.”

“Fine,” Crowley drawls, clearly unhappy with the order but unwilling to go against one of the few beings that has the power to demote him from demi-god to corpse.  “I’ve got some mosquito populations to check on.” He smiles tightly. “Can’t let all the rainforest loggers get off without a touch of Malaria.”

He’s not asking for permission, but Dean tips his head in acknowledgement anyway.  It isn’t his goal to anger the spirit of Pestilence, only to maintain a balance.  “I’ll send some Reapers with you.”

That perks Crowley up, because it means that his victims won’t survive the disease.  “Splendid.  See you around, Boss.” He nods to the gaunt shadow at Dean’s elbow.  “You too, Sam.”

He disappears before either of them can respond.  

“He’s such a bag of dicks,” Sam sighs.  

“No shit,” Dean agrees.  “Good at this job though.”

Sam makes a noncommittal sound.  His eyes follow the spirits being led to their next destination by Dean’s reapers.  

A tug behind Dean’s sternum pulls his attention across the country.  His lover rarely summons him so urgently, so Dean sets aside his current plans to see what Castiel needs.  “I’m needed elsewhere,” he says out loud, sending the message to all the local Reapers.

“Dean,” Sam says softly.  “Please.  You summoned me here for a reason.”

“I did.  I’m sorry I forgot.” Dean grimaces and rubs a hand over Sam’s shoulder.  “There’s a janitor downstairs.  He’s been sneaking into patients rooms that he has no business in.”

Sam’s eyes darken with greed.  “A damaged soul?”

“Let’s just say that he’s worse for children than measles,” Dean says.  “He’s scheduled to slip and crack his head open in a few hours.  I’ve instructed my Reapers to leave him to you.”

“I appreciate it.”

Dean pats him again, and hopes the touch conveys how proud his of Sam’s current restraint.  He knows how difficult it is for him, being the only horseman who suffers when he doesn’t use his powers.  An eternity of addiction and starvation is a punishment he doesn’t deserve, and Dean would shoulder that pain for him if it were within his powers.  But he can only settle for helping Sam maintain his balance, by making sure he feeds often enough that he stays strong enough to keep his powers reined in.

The love and gratitude in his brother’s eyes tells him that Sam knows.  It’s enough for now.

They say their goodbyes and Dean spreads the great shadow of his wings.  In the scope of the universe Earth is miniscule and it takes barely half a flap to reach his destination.  He stretches them wide before folding them back into his essence, and looks around.  

The Oval Office is dark, the current president not the type to stay up late worrying about matters of state.  But there is still a figure slumped in the chair behind the huge desk.  A smile tugs at the corners of Dean’s mouth when his eyes fall on his lover.  “I thought you’d given up stealing thrones.”

Castiel huffs a soft laugh.  “I’ve been given more thrones than I stole.”

“Hmm, my mistake.” Dean walks around the desk, and when Castiel swivels the chair to face him, he straddles his thighs and anchors himself in place with arms wrapped around Castiel’s shoulders.

Their lips meet in a kiss that is mostly greeting, with a tiny lick of heat.  Even after eons, the passion driving their relationship has hardly dimmed.  But Dean can sense that Castiel needs him for more than a quick fuck over the desk.  There’s a different need emanating from his skin.

Dean tilts his head until their foreheads bump.  “What’s wrong, Cas?”

Castiel’s sigh warms the space between them.  “I’m finding it very difficult to maintain the balance.  Between the rise of despots with a hunger for nuclear weapons, and dictators draping themselves in the flag of democracy whipping up their most frenzied followers into violence, I find myself very busy for how little actual battle these humans participate in.”

“I’ve noticed.” Dean doesn’t offer platitudes or advice.  War is Castiel’s domain, not his.  And often, Castiel just needs a sympathetic ear, which Dean is qualified to provide.

“I miss the Cold War,” Castiel grumbles.

Dean laughs.  “Bullshit.  You were tearing your hair out trying to get someone to push the big button.”

Castiel’s icy glare could drop a human on the spot, dead of heart failure.  Dean just thinks it’s adorable.  “Don’t be ridiculous.  Wiping out all of humanity would render me obsolete.”

“You still wanted to see it happen though,” Dean counters with a grin.

“I’ve seen civilizations wiped out by supernovae.”

“But that was my work.” Dean wiggles in Castiel’s lap. “It’s not the same.”

Castiel huffs his annoyance and wraps his arms tightly around Dean’s hips, holding him still.  He presses his face into Dean’s chest.  “Please don’t mock me.”

Dean sobers, and runs fingers through Castiel’s hair.  Sometimes he can pull Castiel out of his existential funks with a little teasing, but this is apparently not one of those times.  “Talk to me, Cas.”

“Maybe I am just God’s Hammer.” His voice is muffled by Dean’s shirt.  “And this battle against my baser nature has only one inevitable end.”

“You wouldn’t have these doubts if that were true.” Dean refrains from pointing out that these internal ‘battles’ are part of his nature as a god of War.  It’s a lesson Castiel will eventually learn on his own.  As the youngest of the horsemen he still has a long life of learning ahead of him.    

Castiel hums and nuzzles closer.  “Tell me of your doubts.”

“I set my Reapers on a hospital full of kids with measles today,” Dean says.  “And I’m not seeing that trend stopping any time soon.”

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s the nature of the job.”

“Still.” Castiel lifts his head and looks up at Dean with kindness and understanding.  “I know you don’t enjoy when your touch lands on children.”

He doesn’t enjoy any aspect of his job.  Okay, maybe he enjoys feeding the souls of the truly terrible to his little brother sometimes.  But being the instrument of entropy in the universe isn’t exactly fun, even if he knows that there’s no other way it can function.

“Yeah,” he says.  “It always sucks.  But none of our jobs are exactly easy.”

“Crowley seems to enjoy himself.”

“He’s a bag of dicks.”

Castiel laughs and pushes his face against Dean’s chest.  “I wonder if this is what a mid life crisis feels like.”

He’s nowhere near the midpoint of his life, but Dean can’t--won’t--tell him that.  “Is that what’s going on?”

“Well I’m very old,” Castiel says dryly.  “I believe I’m entitled.”

“Pfft.” Dean flicks a finger against the collar of Castiel’s current favorite outfit.  “You’re just a baby in a trench coat.”

“I watched the first fish crawl from the ocean, Dean.”

“I’m literally older than dirt,” Dean counters.  “And molecules.”

Castiel’s essense brightens, and Dean knows that he’s finally broken through the shell of his bad mood.  “Dirty old man.”

“You make me young.”  Dean nudges Castiel’s chin, forcing him out of hiding.  He presses a kiss to Castiel’s forehead and then another to his lips.  “My existence started with yours.”

It’s sappy as fuck, but as much as he loves his brother, and occasionally enjoys Crowley’s antics, his heart finally found true joy when Castiel joined their ranks.  

“You are not a Hammer,” he continues.  He cups his hands around Castiel’s face so he can’t look away, and strokes his thumbs across Castiel’s cheekbones.  “You are a Weaver.  Spiders would cry in awe if they could conceive the delicate webs you create.  You weave nets to contain and stabilize the balance of the universe.”  

He kisses Castiel again, nudging until lips part under his own.  He’s rewarded with a moan, and Castiel tilts his head, leaning into Dean’s touch.  Castiel kisses like he’s trying to win a battle, but Dean calms him with his touch, keeping the passion at a simmer instead of letting it turn into an inferno.  When he finally lifts his head, Castiel blinks dazedly up at him.

“Dean,” Castiel whispers.  “I am a creature of destruction.  I don’t--”

“You are an creature of peace as well as war,” Dean whispers.  “Balance.”

Castiel closes his eyes, and settles under Dean’s touch.  “Sometimes I internalize the vision humans have of me.  Thank you for reminding me that there’s more to me than violence and death.”

“I’ll always be here for you. As leader, and lover.” Dean peppers more kisses over Castiel’s face.  “Until Time itself fades, and I reap the last vestiges of the universe.”

“Thank you.” Castiel stays pliant under Dean’s touch, and he smiles.  “And I love you too.”

Dean pecks him right on the lips again.  “Existential crisis averted?”

“Yes, thank you.”

“Good,” Dean says brightly.  “Now what do you say to desecrating this desk?”

Castiel surges to his feet, carrying Dean’s weight with him and depositing it on the polished surface.  “There’s nothing holy about this desk.”

Dean is already tugging at Castiel’s clothing.  They could dismiss it with a thought, but they’ve both spent far too long with humanity, and enjoy the trappings of physicality.  “It’ll be the most holy, after I make you see god tonight.”

“We’ll see who’s crying for god’s mercy when I’m through with you,” Castiel growls.

Dean laughs and allows himself to be pushed flat.  He already knows they’re both going to win.

#destiel #death!dean #war!cas #4 horseman au #oops i ficced #kazshero

[mooberg]

Pavor

Part one: Into the Belly of the Beast 

It’s fear gas shit, fam, y’all know this. Buckle the fuck up. Also pavor is latin for fear, specifically that of a trembling and paralyzing nature. So look forward to that... Also this is split into two parts because she got long af.

Beta: @virus-vodka

Virus world created by @voiceoflarka

Word Count: 3304

Warnings: None

Enjoy...

“And you are certain your intelligence has led us here?”

Callow looked up at his mentor with a cocksure grin. “We got 'em right where we want 'em.”

Psi nodded. “Good work.”

“We're going to have to be careful approaching the building, there's no telling who, if any, are on lookout.” Gamma said, eyeing the warehouse.

The light grey exterior walls had long since stained a peculiar mix of green, brown and black, heavier at the top of the three stories. Almost every window was boarded up, the glass long since broken in any that weren't. Tag signs littered the lower half of the building, causing an odd sort of rainbow effect.

“It's so big...” Jolly commented.

“That's what she said.” Callow quipped, earning him a smack on the arm from Horns.

“They chose this place for a reason.” Gamma continued. “It's undoubtedly going to be a maze in there, and they'll know every inch.”

“There's a lot of old gang tags on there too.” Glitch added. “This place has been abandoned for a long time and changed hands a lot.”

“They may not be expecting us, but they will be ready for us.” Psi agreed.

“We'll just have to be faster.” Jolly said.

Gamma smiled at her approvingly. “Glitch, Jolly, you two take the ground floor. Cal, Horns, you two on two. Psi and I will cover the third and roof, then meet up with you when we're done. We've been working on takedowns for arrests, and you guys know your stuff, so use it. You've got zip ties, use 'em, and bring anyone back out here once you have them subdued.”

“Call for backup should you require it.” Psi added. “You have your earpieces.”

The team just nodded in understanding, choosing to let the conversation drop and get to business like a certain plant manipulator they knew. Together, they made their way around the side, electing to crawl through a shattered window and avoid any attention on the front door. The stairs were easy to locate and the team split ways.

“Left or right?” Horns asked Callow as they left the stairwell.

“Always go left.” Callow headed in that direction, Horns close on his heels.

It was odd being in Callow's presence and not talking, or arguing, or whatever he was in the mood for that day. “He's in the mood to kick some ass.” Horns thought, kicking himself mentally at the terrible joke. The importance of this mission was not lost on them.

The Growlers were a gang that had been making waves for the past several months. Having formed out of two smaller crews, their main focus in Dashland had been the movement of Venom through the streets. They'd done a good job, getting big enough that the 99 took notice. Iota and Epsilon had gathered enough evidence earlier that month to take them down, and their leader had been led away in handcuffs shortly after.

Rounding up the remaining members had been a messy process, being quite scattered due to the merger of the two different crews. The officials and the 99 had been under the impression that the gang had been completely dismantled, until a familiar strain of Venom had cropped up in Dashland Proper. Callow had caught word of this development and sent out some feelers to 'friends' in the Upper Capitol. This had led them here. Gamma figured if her team had found them, her team should bring them in.

The concrete floors were heavily coated in dust, dirt, and chips of the beat up cinder block walls. The lighting was low from the boarded windows, what few streaks of light that made their way in illuminating thick dust particles floating in the air. Horns had to physically stop himself from coughing as he breathed in, clapping a hand over his mouth. As they rounded corner after corner, that light quickly faded. Callow turned his flashlight on low, keeping it pointed at the ground. Whatever this warehouse had been used for, it wasn't shipping. They'd expected a few hallways and then big open rooms, but the building was like a rabbit warren of small, interconnected rooms.

“We're gonna be here for hours.” Callow commented under his breath.

Horns just hummed in agreement, not wanting to screw up the mission by talking too loud. As the two delved deeper in, they started hearing sounds. Or at least thinking they heard sounds, it was hard to tell. A scratch here, sourceless footsteps there, a softly closing door. Horns reached out on a more metaphysical level, hoping to connect with any spirits that may be responsible for the sounds. There were certainly other beings present here, but none that seemed capable of this level of activity.

“Someone's messing with us.” Horns whispered. “They know we're here.”

“We can take 'em.” Callow grinned at him, but an unsettled feeling had rooted in the pit of Horns' stomach, and he just grimaced in return.

A loud bang at the end of the hallway drew their attention in the darkness. Callow, deciding stealth was no longer an option, turned his flashlight up to full brightness and the two of them charged down the hallway. At the end, he swung left and Horns swung right, coming face to face with nothing.

Horns sighed, pressing a finger to his ear. “Team, we-”

Another loud bang shook both of them, followed closely by a screech in their ears. Horns and Callow both ripped their earpieces out, Horns throwing his to the ground in his surprise.

“What the fuck was that?” He hissed.

“They knocked out our comms.” Callow replied lowly. “Someone's been watching, they shouldn't even know we have them.”

“Consider it a necessary precaution.” A sneering voice sounded behind them. The two spun around, but nothing was there. Nothing had ever been there.

“This is what mind games feel like then.” Horns said.

“Let the games begin.” Callow agreed.

 ~~

 “The hell was that?”

“Guys?”

“Something's wrong.” Gamma looked at Psi with worry to match his own.

“That did not sound good.” He said.

“Again,” Glitch retorted. “The hell was that?”

“Sounded like something knocked out their comms.” Gamma replied.

“Do we just let them keep going?” Jolly asked.

“No.” Gamma replied quickly. “No, I don't want them going on without open communication.”

“Jiji and I are close to an exit, we could go.” Glitch offered.

“No, you two stay on your current path.” Psi said. “We are almost done on this floor so I will find them and Gamma will finish up.”

She nodded, letting him know she was okay with the plan. “Are you two alright?”

“Yeah, just kinda worried about the loud screech...” Jolly replied with a hint of sass, a sure sign of her nerves.

“They are going to be fine.” Psi nodded to Gamma and made his way back down the hallway. “I am going to find them and we will figure this out together.”

~

Glitch sighed as the line fell silent again. “I hope they're okay.”

“Psi better find them quick.” Jolly frowned. “I don't like the sound of this.”

“They can handle themselves.” Glitch soothed her, putting a steadying hand on her shoulder. “They've got each other, they're not alone.”

“Horns has to be freaking out by now.” Jolly worried.

“He's got Callow.” Glitch laughed slightly despite the situation. “Do you really think our moody-ass gator boy is gonna put up with Horns' anxiety for more than two minutes?”

“He's gonna slap him,” Jolly couldn't hold back her grin. “Isn't he?”

“Oh probably.” Glitch said. “But they'll make it through. They will.”

 ~~

 “I guess we just continue on then...” Callow said. “We still have a job to do.”

“I-I'd feel a lot better if we could still talk to the team.” Horns replied.

The gator virus sighed. “Alright, out with it. What is it?”

“It's nothing much I just...” He looked away, slightly embarrassed. “I have a bad feeling.”

“Anything specific?” Callow asked, surprising Horns with his genuine intrigue.

“I haven't been able to pinpoint anything, really.” Horns said. “Just... I don't know, something bad. Something bad is about to happen and I don't know what.”

Callow looked back down the way they'd come. “Maybe we should turn back.”

“We've already made it this far.” Horns argued. “I'm not saying I like it, but it would be better if we kept going.”

“True-”

“Besides.” Horns continued. “I... have a feeling they're already behind us.”

“Oh great.”

“Turn back. Turn back!” Horns faltered on the first step, hearing resonant whispers coming from all around him. He whipped around, soul flashing violently enough to provide a little more light. But there was nothing there.

“Did you hear that?” He hissed.

“Uh... no.” Callow eyed his friend warily. “I didn't hear anything.”

“Liar!”

“We're right behind you.”

“Run!”

Horns grabbed hold of Callow's sleeve. “Stop it! There's no one here!”

“Horns.” Callow gripped the Satyr's shoulder and gave him a shake. “Of course there's someone here.”

“Cal-”

“That's literally the whole reason we came here, numbnuts.” He cut Horns off. “Someone's messing with you. You said it yourself, there aren't any spirits here powerful enough to do that. It's probably a sound manipulator or something.”

“Why?”

“Probably trying to rile you up.” Callow retorted. “And it's working. So you need to cool it or we're never gonna get out of here.”

Horns just nodded, looking around wildly despite himself. Callow let go of his shoulder, but let him keep hold of his sleeve. He'd done it many times for his friend and knew the contact soothed him. They continued forward cautiously, whipping around corners in case they found the source of the voices. Horns jumped every so often, hearing more voices getting more pervasive, but he tried to keep his cool, even as his pulse picked up.

“There.” Callow doused his flashlight. “Light.”

“Looks like we drew the short straw.” Horns replied.

“They're going to kill you.”

“Get out while you still can.”

“Run.”

“RUN!”

“Oh fuck me!” Callow hissed. “That's fucking terrifying.”

“I told you!” Horns whispered back.

“It's. Not. Real.” Callow insisted. “Chill. We have a job to do.”

Horns whined. “We can't even radio for backup...”

“Hey.” The gator virus turned, clapping Horns' shoulder. “I've got your back, you've got mine. We can do this together.”

Horns nodded, steeling himself. “Together.”

Callow led the way quickly down the hall towards the open door, trying not to make a sound but not really caring if he did. Let them hear him. Let them come. There was no sound coming through the door but that didn't mean much. They'd already established that these thugs were likely expecting them.

Callow paused just on the other side of the door, looking back to meet Horns' eye and coordinate. The Satyr nodded, breathing deeply to prepare himself, gun in hand. Together they whirled around the door, Callow again going left, and Horns going right. Horns didn't see the man on the other side until a fist connected with his face. He fell back, clutching at what he could already tell were spiderweb cracks on his temple as the man knocked the gun clean from his hand. He heard it skidding along the floor as he tumbled into Callow, the two of them hitting the ground hard. Horns tried to roll off his friend and pop back up as quickly as possible, but the man before him was faster. As he felt himself being lifted by the collar, he heard Callow struggling against someone else.

“Well, well, well. What have we here?” His last word stretched out, echoing around them in those same resounding voices, feeling like they were piercing right into his skull. Horns squinted through the crippling sound, taking in the man before him.

In the back of his mind, Horns had been expecting someone crazier looking because he just thought that's how drug dealers worked. This man was far from crazy looking. He looked Horns over with pale blue eyes that had seen far too much for their age and showed it. His dark skin was broken by veins in the same light blue, and he grinned at Horns in a way that made his stomach turn even further.

“Looks like these little mice wandered right into our trap.” The man dealing with Callow sneered.

The sound manipulator just gave a huff of a laugh that reverberated around the room.

“Haven’t you heard?” Horns wanted to crane his neck around to see who Callow was up against but feared what would happen if he lost eye contact with his opponent. “Mess with the Growlers and you’re gonna get the bite.”

“I’ll show you a bite.” Callow snapped. Literally it seemed, as Horns heard the snapping shut of his jaw.

“Easy there, kitten.” The other man chuckled. “We just want to play.”

“Time to have some fun.” The echoes picked up in their intensity even further. Any sense of rationale or restraint that Horns possessed was quickly fading as the voices invaded his mind, unbearable and overpowering.

“Have fun with this!” Horns shoved his palm up, hoping he’d find a good target through his insanity-induced blindness. He heard a crunch, and despite himself he smiled, knowing the man’s nose would never heal right. His feet touched ground as the man stumbled back, and Horns took the opportunity, hooking a leg behind the taller man’s and swinging his weight into him. 

Gamma would have been proud as the guy collapsed to the ground. 

Horns reached for the zip ties at his side, only to be shoved off the man before he could secure him. He rolled away, springing to his feet. His opponent was slower on the draw and in that moment of pause, Horns lashed out at him with his powers. The mind spike sent him reeling back but didn’t send him down. Horns scowled, knowing he resisted the full effect. 

While the man recovered, Horns fished out two zip ties, making sure this time he was ready when he lunged forward. He got the man on his back again and was moving to roll him over and secure his hands when he retaliated. His fist connected with Horns’ throat and the Satyr reeled back across the floor, gasping for air.

“I don’t have time for you, you little shit.” He heard the man say, voice low with anger. “Why don’t we just let you play on your own?”

Horns staggered to his feet in time to see the man retreat down the hall, throwing something behind him. Horns hadn’t seen anything like it before, but he’d heard of things called ‘grenades’ and knew enough to duck for cover. He waited for an explosion, but all he heard was a hiss as green smoke enveloped him. Suddenly the worry that had been ever present in the pit of his stomach intensified, twisting in his gut like a knife, making him curl into a ball as it grew. This was no ordinary gas. But he didn’t know what it was, what it might do. This gang was dangerous; there was no telling the depths they might go to. Horns certainly had no clue. What if this was the end? His breath hitched at the thought. He’d never be able to thank Gamma and Psi for all they’d done, all the patience they’d shown him. He’d never be able to show them their time hadn’t been wasted, never even be able to train hard enough to do so. He wasn’t even close to that level yet. And his team. He’d never get to thank them for taking him in, for putting up with him on his worst days and caring for him on his best.

“They never really cared for you anyway.”

Horns flinched at the thought. Of course they had, they were a team.

“They didn’t choose their teammates.”

The Academy had put them together. What if they’d had a choice? Would they have still chosen him? He had his hoodie then so they wouldn’t have seen the real him, but…

“No one would have chosen you. After all you’ve been through, they still wouldn’t. They’re just putting up with you because they have to.”

“You’re wrong. They love me.” Horns gripped at his head, flinching as he brushed past the cracks in his temple.

“No one loves you, you idiot. Look at you, cowering on the ground in fear. Why would anyone put up with that?”

“Glitch loves me.” Horns retorted. “And Jolly. They love me.”

“How do you know?”

“Shut up.” Horns whimpered. “Shut up, shut up, shut up. You don’t know! You don’t know anything!”

“I know you.” Horns looked up at the voice as it became clearer, seeing himself reflected in a mirror on the opposite wall. His hoodie was off, and he squirmed uncomfortably at the thought. “I know what drives you. Drives us. That self hatred, that loathing the skin you’re in, wishing you could be someone else. Anyone else. But you can’t. You’ll always be stuck here, like this. A Satyr. A disgusting Satyr.”

“Stop!” Horns shouted, dagger flying from his hands towards the mirror. But there was no breaking of glass, no shatter. Horns squeezed his eyes shut, opening them to see nothing more than his knife spinning on the ground in the low light. It wasn’t real. But as the first of many tears fell, it sure felt like it…

 ~~

 Psi lowered himself down the broken elevator shaft, landing between the open doors of the second floor. He didn’t want to waste time doubling back to the stairwell, he wanted to find his trainees as quickly as possible. He knew they’d been taught well enough to get by without aid, but still found himself worrying just a little. Sammy was never going to let him hear the end of this.

Silence greeted him as he crept through the halls on red alert. Not even the sounds of his team reached him, muffled by concrete and dust. He lost count of the number of corners he edged around until finally, something came into view. Not someone, unfortunately, but the backpack chucked into a corner was as good a clue as any. Psi froze when he opened it, the contents more than enough to cause worry.

Gamma. Psi popped into the mind link.

What’s wrong? She just knew, sensing in his tone this was bad news.

They have Fear Gas. He said, rifling through the bag and its familiar canisters.

Dammit. Gamma’s anger came through the link clear as day. If they’ve used it…

We will find them, do not worry. Psi soothed.

We should warn the team. I don’t want this getting out of control. Gamma replied.

Psi tapped the earpiece, connecting with the remaining members of the team. “Glitch? Jolly?”

“Aye boss?”

“The remaining Growlers have gotten their hands on Fear Gas.” He announced.

“Shit.”

“What’s Fear Gas?” Jolly asked.

“It’s a toxin that, when inhaled, makes the victim see their worst fears.” Gamma piped up on the line. “It’s really dangerous stuff, guys.”

“We have an antidote, but if you find anyone with a canister, or get sprayed with an unfamiliar gas, run.” Psi said.

“Thanks, Psi, that’s really reassuring.” Glitch quipped.

“It was not meant to be.” Psi felt for the antidote mask among his gear, glad that it had become common practice to carry one. They may not ever know who to curse out for inventing the cruel gas, but at least they had a way to deal with it.

His movements quickened, knowing time was now limited. He needed to find Horns and Callow fast, hopefully before they were hit. The side effects of this gas on the body... He shook the thought from his mind.

#lvc #larka's virus community #virus world renaissance #the team #moo writes #Pavor #real real unsure about this fic so i hope you enjoy #shoutout to vod #A+ beta #10/10 would be bullied into sharing again #part 2 coming asap

[deathghost8]

You often think: perhaps maybe a long long time ahead i shall reach the point where i wake up from manifestation, and overcome the world illusion, and discover that I am the supreme reality behind all this diversification - My friends there is no diversification! In other words, what you call diversification is your game in the same way as you chop the thing and then you say it is made of pieces. Or did you forget that you cut it? So when you see the world is complicated and that there are life problems and that you might one day succeed.... There are hundreds and hundreds of people are running like mad after something that they thought was success and they have no idea what it is. So in exactly the same way the Guru is keeping you running and running after spiritual attainment. You don't know what you want. That's where Krishnamurti is so clever because he says "If you ask me for enlightenment, how can you ask me for enlightenment? If you don't know what it is, how do you know you want it? Any concept you have of it will be simply a way of trying to perpetuate the situation you're already in. If you think you know what you're going out for, all you're doing is you're seeking the past, what you already know, what you've already experienced; therefore that's not it, is it? Because you say you're looking for something quite new, but what do you mean new? What's your conception of something new?" Well, I figure I can only think about it in terms of something old, something I once had, so he doesn't say anything; he doesn't indicate anything positive. Everybody says "why are you so negative? Why don't you give us something to hang on to?" Well the simple answer is it would be spurious; you don't need anything to hang on to; you're it; you don't need a religion. But then you say "well, what is all this religious stuff about then? Why don't we just forget it?" You can try. By all means, go away. Don't go to gurus, don't go to church, don't enter philosophical discussions, just forget it. But then you'll realize that by having consented to forget it, you're still seeking! What a trap! What can you do? You see, if you stay here and listen to me or to anyone else who comes around here, you're fooling yourself, but if you go away, you're fooling yourself too because you still think that's going to improve your situation, it won't, and therefore when you discover that it doesn't, you'll think "well maybe it was a mistake to go away" and you come back to the guru and he looks at you and says "you are very undisciplined, very very inferior student and you need to apply yourself." Well, as I explained, I expect what he's doing, but it comes down in a way to a sort of contest with a guru, you see, well will you call his bluff? You're afraid to because you might discover that if you do call his bluff, he's no better than you are and that's what you're supposed to find out, but without being cynical about it. He's as divine as you are, but you've got to call the bluff, there's going to be a showdown and it's it's a double-bind, the whole situation is a double-bind because it doesn't do any good to stay here and it doesn't do any good to go away; either to do something about it or to do nothing about it. Now then, there's something else: when you understand that and when you realize that there's nothing to realize and it's all here, then what are you gonna do? then what are you going to do? well, of course this is the sense of the Zen poem supernatural activity and marvelous power drawing water carrying fuel you know- do whatever one does as a human being but there's a little element of philistinism in that it's like when a child is pestering father or mother with all sorts of questions, they finally get down to the deepest metaphysical problems they say: oh shut up and eat your donut! and I wouldn't say that, you see. at this point- because life, as one looks at it you see, is in fact a celebration of itself  when you look out at night at the stars and you really wonder, good god, what is all that about? well it's a firework display, and it's celebrating High Holy Day. It's whoopie. and the whole world is whoopie.  it's a kind of exuberance now, for the proper function of religion is digging this. it's not seeking. it's not seeking anything, but is in a way Thanksgiving. that's why of course the Christians were right in following the mass, the Eucharist, the Thanksgiving. only they had such a complicated way of thinking about it that nobody can understand it. so in religion, or religious exercises, whether they are meditative or whether they are ritualistic, are Whoopie. they are not something you do in order to attain anything. they are like art forms, like dancing. they are expressive of attainment - of the attain-less attainment. so here's another hang-up for you: when you go to mr. Suzuki who runs the Zen Center, he's a good disciple of Dogen, who brought Zen, a certain school of Zen, to Japan in the 13th century. Dogen said: you can't sit and meditate unless you're already a Buddha - in which case, why meditate?  well meditation is just the way a Buddha sits, and he called this sitting just to sit. not to attain enlightenment- the minute you do that, you see, you're not meditating. So you only become a good meditator if you're not looking for anything, and therefore, you realize what a great thing it is to be able to sit, and what a great thing it is not to dissect the world with your analytical intellect. to be able to look out with the water or the trees or the floor and the light on it in front of you, without calling it light or floor or trees, or thinking that it has parts, or thinking that it's complicated. it isn’t. so when you can sit without thinking- not with an empty mind, mind you- I'm going back to that point- not with an empty mind but just a non analytic mind. a non probing mind where you're not creating problems all the time by trying to control it. by trying to control your mind, by trying to control your experience, what you see and hear, you then just simply discover that there is no way of controlling what you're experiencing, because what you're experiencing is You. And to try and really fundamentally control that? that's just going around in a circle- so if I would say to you: now what you have to learn is to let it happen  - that's wrong - there's No-one to let it happen. if I say to you: accept your experience, be calm and open to things - that, again perpetuates the illusion that you're something different from it. -so we go round and round. but if there are some people who want to get together, and, like we would get together to play poker or to have a walk, go fishing, or sail a boat. if there are some people who want to get together to meditate and have rituals and to chant, great! it's an art form, and you can only use it and make it a good art form if you're not using it to get something. and this is what really is the bane of temples all over the world. you go into Buddhist temples where they theoretically don't believe in any God but there are people praying and they are all doing it in order that we get a male child next time around or that the horse recover from a disease or that mama gets cured of the dropsy. and all these petitions are going on and on and on, people always coming to the temple to ask for something. lowbrow people for lowbrow things, Highbrow people for highbrow things. and there, all the vendors sit outside and sell souvenirs and magic and charms and all the people go in, and do this, and all these serious priests sitting there really having to keep up face, and say yes uhhh.. we can't provide these services. on the other hand if you go in to one of these temples along with all the faithful followers and have a ball, buy a bead, buy a candle, buy a this, buy a that, buy some incense, go in and dig this great thing going on. Salute the Buddha's or the crystal the altars, or the crucifixes or what you will, but don't take it seriously.  and this is one of the great important transformations of today, in our consciousness, is that a great many people are finding out that religion is not supposed to be taken seriously. this is a shocking thing to many people. there used to be an old saying that a religion is dead when the priests laugh across the altars- that's true in one sense, when the priests know that they've got a racket going they don't believe one word of it and they are laughing across the altar because of all these suckers around doing it. -then it's true the religion is dead. but when the priests laugh at the Altar because they're having such fun because this whole scene is so beautiful, well it’s the difference between some stuffy old Buddhist priest humming a Sutra and Allen Ginsberg chanting a Sutra. that's the thing to hear. Cuz these priests are going They're going na na na na , they're going off interminably, ru ru, it's a bore. they're sick of it, but they get paid for it. this is magical. but when Allen Ginsberg chants a sutra everybody gets in the circle and gets these little bells and they get going it's just like a it's like a jam session where everybody is absolutely delighted. well that's the way to do it and if you can't do it that way, forget it

Some of The most important closing minutes on any talk from Watts. Transcript is not found after my scouring, so I located part and hand made the final 8 minutes that follow it. Full talk is in the foundational / intro page of my zen show picks, on the subject of the folly it is to Want to create Explanations for everything which thereby enable Control of everything. When actually we control nothing, and there is no You. There's just This. https://youtu.be/iHcxkmwBOJY?t=3489

#alan watts #religion #zen #meditation #art #You #life #celebrate

[dayntee]

[Pillars: Deadfire] Frigid Nightmares

This whole thing came about as a result of me accidentally wandering into the Beast of Winter DLC and being WHOLLY unprepared for it (IE getting my ass utterly handed to me). After rolling back a fair notch, I’ve continued on, but I also tried to mentally justify the detour, backtrack, and continued exploration of the Deadfire and this... whatever it is, is what resulted. 

Summary: Ydwin’s insistence on investigating the invitation from Rymrgand’s faithful rubs Aloth the wrong way; his consciousness (both his own and a suppressed Iselmyr) pulls him in two directions. Should he follow his captain’s orders or push an agenda that’s more personal than he’s willing to admit?

Rating: PG-13, for some depicted gruesome violence

Relationships: Aloth x F!Watcher (unspoken/unresolved, ANGST AHOY)

Spoilers: Deadfire, Beast of Winter DLC (light)

Notes: Still finding Idralia’s accent, but it’s Aedyran with a Deadfire dull to it. Writing it out is almost as challenging as speaking it on stream. Imagine it landing somewhere between Aloth’s mid-Atlantic and Serafin’s super casual pirate cadence. And then trying not to make it sound Dyrwoodan. 

Also available here on AO3

A curled, familiar piece of tanned leather suddenly appeared before Idralia’s face. As she gently pushed it aside, the stern glare of Ydwin appeared from behind it, decisively reaching up with her spare hand to adjust her glasses on the bridge of her nose. 

“Watcher. You’ve had this invitation for weeks. Do you have any intention of investigating its source?” 

Idralia reached up and removed her eye patch, rubbing the protected eye for a moment as it re-adjusted back to the dim light below decks. She had no medical need for the patch, but her experience as a sharpshooter on the high seas had long since taught her the value in keeping an eye dim for travelling above and below deck. She preferred, however, to meet her companions with both eyes when discussing matters of import.

“Of course I do. I’d like to think that in the time you’ve been aboard The Defiant, you’ve noticed I‘m a woman of my word,” she took the missive from Ydwin’s insistent grasp, re-reading the contents over again. The thin, jagged writing in red disconcerted her; things were weird enough on the ship with Xoti’s slow descent into constant bloodlust and a growing tension between herself and Aloth that sailing to the furthest southern reaches to freeze her arse off didn’t seem like a logical next step. “There’s just, you know, this whole matter of Eothas destroying the Deadfire by wading through it like a toddler’s bathing pool, a stack of unclaimed bounties that’re honestly starting to rot, and the needs of our other compatriots to attend to. We’re sort of a busy lot,” 

Ydwin said nothing, crossing her arms and staring intently until Idralia met her gaze again. Once she did, the scout felt a prickling in her senses at the back of her mind as she felt the cipher reach out to her mentally.

And is that to say that my own concerns or interests are not as important as theirs? she questioned, and Idralia winced at the implication. Ydwin had largely been confined to the ship since she had first boarded in Neketaka, and that had been even several more weeks prior to the receipt of the mysterious invitation from whomever this “Vatnir” was. She simply shook her head and she could feel the bubbling frustration from the pale elf. 

“Really wish you wouldn’t do that. It’s not necessary. Listen, I don’t know how much time I have left. I could die tomorrow from this whole splintered soul thing for all I know. It’s like... I don’t know what it’s like, I’m not sure anyone else out there has wandered about with only half of themselves,” she screwed her face in her own frustration, trying to make sense of her rapid string of thoughts. 

This is why I do this. You are conflicted and trying to take on too much. Slow down. Focus on this for a while - perhaps a focused distraction will allow you to more easily sort out your... other priorities. Idralia picked up on the hesitation of thought in Ydwin’s message, but before she could ask for clarification, the cipher had turned abruptly on her heel to exit the captain’s quarters. She dropped her face into a hand, rubbing at the bridge of her own nose and pushing upward to relieve pressure she’d been harboring in her sinuses—missing the unapologetic brush of shoulders between Ydwin and Aloth as he made his way in. 

Aloth cast a glance Ydwin’s way as she pushed past him with no sign of hesitation. While he held respect for Ydwin’s pursuit of knowledge in the metaphysics, her unapologetic approach to animancy rubbed him the wrong way. ‘No matter,’ he supposed, turning his attention back to the distracted Watcher.

It was clear to him for quite some time now that Idralia had been holding back the discussion regarding the nature of their friendship. While he still wasn’t certain he was ready to broach the topic himself, he did recognize she was respecting a boundary she had set years ago with him and he admired her diligence. Catching himself staring, he cleared his throat, and the woman snapped to attention, straightening in her desk chair and dropping a roll of leather to the floor, where it began to rock slowly with the listing of the ship. Aloth bent and picked up the missive before Idralia had fully regained her awareness, and his eyes skimmed its contents before he could stop himself.

“Ah - the Dead Floe is our next course then, captain?” he used the title playfully and enjoyed the pink that traveled up her ears at his use of it. Idralia wasn’t a fan of the title, particularly when used by her former adventuring party. With the plethora of time she had spent teasing him on their previous adventures, he found he was beginning to appreciate turning the tables. 

“Oh, w-well,” she stuttered a moment, regaining her composure with a deep breath before dropping her tricorn unceremoniously on the desk and relaxing in his company. Even when he did catch her off guard, she never took long to return to her more confident, certain bearing. “I think that would be Ydwin’s preference. I’ve been... having trouble focusing on one task at a time, and she requested her own interests take a priority for a time. I s'pose that’s not much different than taking a detour to Ori o Koiki, right?”

Aloth hummed an agreement and nodded. She had a point; it would be rather obvious favoritism if she weren’t equally willing to investigate the needs of their other companions. ‘An’ yet ye dinnae mine a thot ye might be th’ importan one, aye?’ Iselmyr bubbled from deep within his psyche, cackling all the while he silently pushed her back down. Opportunities to poke and prod at his most insecure feelings—that was often the most likely times his elder ego would make herself heard. At least her thoughts rarely, if ever, spilled from his mouth these days.

“That seems fair, to say the least. Still,” he hesitated, and Idralia re-focused her attention on him. 

“Tell me your thoughts, Aloth. You know I trust your opinion,” he felt a smile twitch at the side of his mouth, knowing full well how much she valued his council. It was odd to him that someone who was so certain in her actions would seek insight from someone as unsure as he was; oft before she’d claimed it was because she valued how very differently he perceived the world. As he grew to know her, however, he suspected it was because they were more alike than either cared to admit and he reaffirmed her beliefs rather than than questioned them. 

“Something about it simply seems... off. But I suppose that could be my predisposition for distrust in theological cults with extreme beliefs,” he gave a slight shrug and Idralia laughed. 

“You kind of have good reason to be suspicious. Maybe all the more reason to check this out sooner rather than later,” she waved off the notion and stood with a stretch. “Never mind all that, though, I doubt you came in here to talk about Ydwin. What do you need, Aloth?” she hipped her hand and gave him that carefree smile, the one that made him believe without a doubt she knew exactly where she was going, how she was going to get there, and reaffirmed his decision in tagging along on her adventures. 

In that moment, his heart skipped a beat and, just like that, his resolve was gone again. Logically, he knew better. Fear of rejection was ridiculous because he already knew she harbored feelings for him—she’d more or less confirmed that within hours of his rejoining her group. Emotionally though, there was the fear of hurting her, of breaking her heart... now that was a fate to which he was terrified he might find himself. It was his turn to backpedal. 

“A-ah, oh, I-I’m... afraid you’ve preemptively answered my inquiry. I was merely wondering where we might be sailing to next,” he attempted to shrug nonchalantly once more, but he knew she was far too perceptive to ignore the stiffness in his shoulders and forced movement. She smiled, a sad sort of resignation in her eyes, and she scooped up her eye patch and cap from the desk before moving up to place her other hand on his shoulder. 

“Another time then,” she promised quietly, and his bare shoulder burned with the absence of her warmth as she moved past, donning her headgear once more and moving above deck.

‘Ya bullocksed tha’ one, Corfiser,’ he felt the mockery wave through again and this time he allowed Iselmyr to chide him. Quite frankly, he felt he deserved it. "Not like ye kin run afar offa ship, ye dafty,” he found himself muttering alone, and he bit the inside of his cheek to quell the bubbling criticisms, lest another crew mate overhear. He had maintained fair control of Iselmyr and, even if in this matter she was right, he wasn’t about to let it go again. 

Sighing, he returned below decks, settling himself in his bunk where he might distract his thoughts with his latest grimoire acquisition or simply drift off. Anywhere he could be without thoughts that rang too true.

“It’s casting again! Aloth, can you sto-” Idralia’s command was lost the moment she was blown back by a blast of bitter cold and hail. Already, Ydwin, Xoti, and Cantelope all lay unconscious at the feet of the gargantuan rotting beast, its rancid wings flapping languidly amidst the biting cold winds of the Dead Floe. Idralia’s bow skidded several feet away from her grasp across the icy ground, and it took every last bit of Aloth’s concentration to maintain the spell he was forming. His arcane reserves were burning low, and he only had a handful of spells remaining that seemed to have any effect on the lumbering so-called Herald of Rymrgand. Even Idralia’s normally fearsome powerful shots were barely penetrating its frozen hide. 

Idralia scrambled through the snow, scraping away her eye patch to rely on her full sight, squinting against the bright sky as she adjusted to the sudden influx of light. She whirled about on the ground, bringing up her warbow with both hands just a huge claw came down to attempt to crush her into the ground. She managed to prop it between her and the dragon, straining against an impossible strength, and Aloth knew there was only a moment more he might take advantage of the distraction that could save all their lives—or doom them all.

“Athek werthan roth!” with emphasis, he finished the last fiery incantation he had remaining, watching the fireball form around the rear of the beast and scorching its back flank. ‘It’s not enough!’ he panicked, and the first crunch he heard following the explosion was not half as sickening as the second.

Idralia screamed in pain, one of the dragon’s huge claws pinning her to the ground through nearly the whole of her left shoulder, her leather armor easily sundered and barely enough skin and sinew remaining to keep her arm attached to her torso. Her left fingers spasmed out with raw nerve stimulation, her right hand coming up to grasp the splintered remains of her family heirloom, the only item of purchase she could find. Blood pooled below her, vibrant against the stark white below.

“IDRALIA, NO!” was all Aloth could manage before he was immediately weaving another spell, this time an unerring Minoletta’s. But the enemy was faster yet, unnaturally so, as it slammed a backhanded claw into Eder’s shield, sending the Dyrwoodan man flying back into the remains of the ice sculpture of Rymrgand, his head knocking violently against the pedestal and stilling him at the base.

“A-Aloth,” the elf barely heard his name over the harsh whistling, and he dared to look once more in the direction of the one he had truly come to care for, despite his reticence in letting her know. And there it was. That knowing smile. The one that would normally warm his heart instead sank it deep within his chest, settling in his stomach where he doubted it would ever rise again. 

‘I can’t save them,’ he realized, the spell he was finishing fizzling in his grasp as another claw came down around his captain’s body, covering it from his view, but not without causing a gruesome splatter. His stomach churned and he looked away, knowing his distance from the fight simply meant he would be the last to join them.

He swore the dragon began to chuckle as it inhaled again, filling its chest with frozen air intended to erase him from existence. This foe was just too strong. As once more the icy chill of snow and hail began to rain around him, numbing his core, he was left only with that failure. ‘I can’t save her,”  

He awoke drenched in sweat, a stark contrast from the chill of the nightmare that was rapidly escaping his mind. He was breathing sharply, and pushed his grimoire from his chest, a heavy thud hitting the deck below that caused him to wince. Thankfully, he realized none of the light sleepers were present, with Eder heavily snoring in the hammock below his and Serafin’s smaller form curled up in a cot across the way.

‘A quick walk then,’ he wiped his brow with his blanket, nimbly exiting his hammock and replacing his grimoire among his other belongings before heading above deck, taking his time to avoid eye contact with any of the other crew he happened by. 

“Bad dreams takin’ to you too, Aloth?” Xoti echoed from the hall as he climbed upward, and he tried not to startle at the sudden acknowledgement. She was always where you never expected these days, and it was rapidly becoming disconcerting.

“AAH, ah, yes. You could say that,” he looked anywhere but her eyes as she loomed forward with interest, the soft and eerie glow of her lantern brightening as she grew closer. She unhooked it from her belt and peered within, as though seeking some answer from it, before eyeing him once more.

“They haunt me too. Every night. I wonder if I’ll ever get a proper sleep again...” she chuckled suddenly, as if in on her own joke. “But of course I will. When Gaun’s done with me, that is,” 

“W-well. We can’t all hope for divine intervention. I’ll just be getting some fresh air,” he brusquely shut down the conversation, desiring little more insight to the demons that undoubtedly haunted the Dawnstar priestess, and deeply hoping either she or the Watcher had that situation under control. Xoti shrugged and Aloth quickly exited, closing the door to below decks quite firmly behind him. 

It was just past midnight, partially cloudy, which allowed his eyes to adjust quickly to the deep nighttime sky. He took a deep breath, exhaling just as purposefully and noted the fog caused by his warm breath in the air. ‘We’re heading south,’ he acknowledged, and he shuddered, in part due to the chilly night as well as from the lingering horrors of his dreams.

“Can’t sleep?” he heard from above, and he didn’t bother glancing up. Idralia often spent her time in the rigging or crow’s nest when she wasn’t in her quarters. He hadn’t fully expected to find her out here at this hour, but then her proclivity for wearing a patch often meant she stretched her eyes in the dark rather than the light. 

“I slept well enough, but...” he shook his head. It was a dream, for gods sakes. Divination wasn’t his strong suit or a personally strong belief, particularly after learning the mortal nature of the so-called deities. Surely, dreams could hold meaning, but why would the divine ever reveal a truth to him when they could speak directly to the Watcher?

He heard a gentle thump as Idralia dropped down behind him, and he leaned against the railing of the ship, looking out and anywhere but at her. The memories, even if they were imagined, were still too fresh. Thankfully, she didn’t press, leaning backwards into the railing instead so that they might not need to meet eye to eye.

“You know, I’m not fond of the cold. Hate it, actually. Winter’s my least favorite season,” she wrinkled her nose. “Part of why I like the Deadfire so much. Stick in the right parts and it’s pleasant year-round,” 

“I find it hard to believe that pirates, sea monsters, ghost ships, and conniving bureaucrats are that much better than a bit of snow and wind,” he replied, thankful for the distraction in conversation.

“A whole lot more exciting at any rate. Your ship gets frozen and there winds up being not much to do but sit around. I prefer to keep moving,” he could see the hint of a smile on her lips from the corner of her sight, and he smirked in response.

“Is that why we’ve been everywhere around the Deadfire except Magran’s Teeth?” she laughed uneasily at the question and turned slowly to face out to the water, her smile more sheepish now.

“You’ve got me. There’s a lot I want to end, especially this whole half-a-soul situation, but...” she grew quiet, contemplative, and he saw her glance his way again. Still, he could not meet her eyes. “But not everything,” she finished quietly, and he understood there was so much more unsaid behind her statement. 

That moment hung between them a while, the two listening to the waves hit the side of the ship, the creak of the wood and rigging, the flap of the canvas sails in the night breeze. It centered both of them in different ways and, for a moment, he was back on the roads of the Dyrwood with her, when they might instead be listening to the crackle of the campfire and the crickets in the countryside. 

“Well,” he started, after a time, “I think there’s still quite a lot we have left to do. And we don’t have to start with the coldest tasks first,” he finally turned his head to look at her, and she met his eyes. He smiled gently, encouragingly, and she chuckled.

“What, tell Ydwin to wait her turn?” she sighed, and he could tell she bore the weight of responsibility to her crew and their needs.

“The choice is ultimately yours. You’re the captain, after all—we’re all going to go where you take us,” he reasoned. “Certainly you might need to approach things with more focus but... perhaps consider that focus should be on something for you.” 

Idralia looked at him with a more startled glance and she studied his face for a moment. After a while, she closed her eyes, turned her head back out over the water, and sighed. 

“You give good advice, Aloth. Perhaps I shouldn’t get ahead of myself on this one... and honestly, those bounties actually are starting to rot,” 

“I mean, I wasn’t going to bring it up, but...”

“But they’re stored in a chest below Tekehu’s bunk and you don’t mind his quiet torment?” she winked at him and he suppressed a smile in spite of himself. 

“Even I’m not that cruel,” he raised his hands helplessly and Idralia gave him a gentle shove. 

“Alright, you’ve made your point. I think we’ve got quite a bit to report on back at Neketaka. And honestly... I could use a dip in the bath house again. I doubt the crew would fight me much on that one,” she reasoned, and they both knew full well a shore leave would be well-received. 

“I’ll never be one to complain,” Aloth reassured and Idralia returned a smug grin. ‘Oh no,’ He walked into this one, and he knew it.

She leaned in close, uncomfortably close, and murmured.

“You’ve never been one to complain about a good view, Corfiser,” 

Without giving him so much as a second to sputter in protest, she pushed herself from the railing and headed to the door below decks, casting a last sidelong glance at him to enjoy the bewildered look on his face. The night was too dark to catch the beet red blush across his cheeks, spreading onward to the tips of his ears, but he hardly doubted she needed the visual confirmation of his discomfort. They knew each other far too well. 

He let her close the door behind her before he sighed to himself, sinking his hot face in his hands down against the railing until he felt the cool wooden surface on his forehead. ‘I’ve avoided one catastrophe,’ he reassured himself, though he wasn’t so certain his nightmare was anything more than the feverish imagination of his innate worrywart. 

‘But what else am I walking into?’ he wondered, knowing with growing certainty he couldn’t keep this awkward dance of theirs going on forever.

#pillars of eternity #aloth corfiser #aloth x watcher #watcher idralia #ydwin #other people's watchers

[arckook]

anima meaology - epilogue

chapter one - chapter two - chapter three - chapter four

pairing: kim taehyung x reader, jeon jungkook x reader

au: soulmate

warnings: none

word count: 1.2k

description: Your best friend was never supposed to know that his name was on your wrist.

"He stepped down, trying not to look long at her, as if she were the sun, yet he saw her, like the sun, even without looking." – Leo Tolstoy, Anna Karenina

Anima Meaology: A Study on 'Glitches' By Kim Namjoon Intro by L/N F/N

The science of soulmates is a fickle thing. It's something I, for many years, could not possibly understand. Even after a degree in psychology and another in the very subject we discuss, even after employment for years in an anima meaology research office– it was still something I did not fully comprehend. How could I? How could anyone?

I only began to understand once I realized that the questions we should be asking are not things like 'where did the tattoos come from?' or 'what is the metaphysical connection between souls, where do we isolate it?'. Instead, we should be asking ourselves questions like, 'what is the importance of soulmates?', 'what is their impact on our society, on the world?', 'what are our own personal feelings to the very idea of soulmates?'.

When I began my first research job, I was twenty-four years old, just moved to Seoul in the hopes of escaping my own fate. I was told that the definition of anima meaology was this: Study of matters involving the soul and its metaphysical connection to another. Its a very dictionary definition, and perhaps there's nothing wrong with that. However, I truly believe that there is no need for there to be a definition like that for the study of soulmates. Why? Because what I have found, over my many years with many experiences regarding many kinds of soulmates, is that there cannot be such an umbrella term. Soulmates are, in my professional and personal opinion, an individual matter.

A name appeared on my wrist when I was sixteen years old. It was the name of my best friend, who already had the name of another girl on his.

When I was sixteen, I believed that there was one kind of soulmate- the kind that you fall in love with, get married to, and have children with. Many people still believe this, and to a degree, it is true that the name on any particular wrist will often reflect this person. However, it doesn't always, and that is what I hope will begin to become common knowledge, rather than something to be discovered after years of pain and loneliness. (My colleague and good friend Dr. Kim Namjoon will go into this further, in case you are wondering why I don't elaborate).

This is in fact a scientific textbook, and will probably be used in many an anima college class. I have the utmost faith in Dr. Kim Namjoon to deliver something worth studying. Because of this, I don't believe many will read this introduction, or even think too hard about what I've said.

Despite that, I want to conclude with a mention towards the many 'glitches' of our city, our country, and our world. My husband, whose name is not in fact written on my wrist, once told me, "The person whose name you carry is the person you need to bring you to a discovery about your life. Your soulmate is that which you discover."

Fate is not against you. Fate is just pushing you a little harder than he pushes others. Do not tremble before him. Do not let him crush you. Let his pushes propel you farther than you ever thought you could go. Do not let the life you deserve be stolen from you– fight for it. Continue fighting until you reach your happiness.

And now, allow our wonderful author to elaborate.

-

Jungkook squeezed his eyes shut, trying to keep the tears he could feel gathering from spilling onto the brand new book sitting on the nightstand. He brushed his fingers adoringly over the words on the page, over the quote that when he'd first said, you'd practically jumped out of your seat in excitement, going on about how you had to put that in a book someday, it was too good not to–

"Whatcha doing?"

Jungkook flipped the book shut at record speed upon hearing your voice, but already knew he was caught. He turned with a shy smile, covering what he'd been reading with his body as he looked at you, leaning against the doorframe with your arms crossed, smirking knowingly at him.

"Absolutely nothing." Jungkook lied, knowing it was completely obvious. You raised your eyebrows, walking over to him and wrapping your arms around his neck, swaying side to side with that same smirk as he instinctively brought his own arms around your waist, following your rhythm.

"You know," you said, fingers fiddling with the strands of hair at the base of his neck as you looked up into his eyes. "I'm pretty sure I asked you not to read it until I've read it." "I definitely wasn't reading it." Jungkook protested, but he couldn't help the smile that spread on his face as you rolled your eyes very dramatically, adding in a load groaning sound for special effect. "So why are your eyes red, loser?" you teased, but your own eyes were serious as you stared into Jungkook's. He swallowed hard, not wanting to admit that your introduction had nearly brought him to tears.

"Our godkids offered me drugs," he said, and you rolled your eyes again, a smile finding its way to your face. "They're five and seven." you stated humorously. Jungkook chuckled. "Never too young these days, right?" You hummed in response, resting your head against his chest.

"Were you actually about to cry because of my intro?" you whispered. "Maybe," Jungkook whispered back, and you could hear his throat closing up in his tone, his arms tightening around you as he buried his face in your hair. "You're pretty good with words." You smiled against him. "I hope so."

You passed a few moments in silence, swaying to the sound of each others' heartbeats as you basked in your husband's warmth and he did the same with yours.

"Y/N?" Jungkook said quietly. You hmmed as your go ahead to continue, but he paused for another second. You almost spoke up before he went on. "You're my soulmate." You nodded, not sure where this was going. "I'm yours, right?" he finished softly.

You pulled slightly away from him and brought your hands from where they were interlocked behind his neck to hold his face, your thumbs gently brushing over the high points of his cheeks where the slight stain of tears was evident.

"Always." you whispered, looking straight into Jungkook's eyes. His grip around you tightened further, and as he dipped his mouth towards yours, you let your eyes flutter shut, knowing that there was nowhere you'd ever rather be.

#bts x reader #jungkook x reader #taehyung x reader #bts fanfic #jungkook #taehyung #jimin #fic #anima meaology