#I must’ve done that at least a month ago and she hasn’t used it in so long she jump scared me

[cloudy-crossing]

forgot that I changed her greeting to that …

#nh #sc #acnh diana #coven island #I must’ve done that at least a month ago and she hasn’t used it in so long she jump scared me

[robinofgothamcity]

♡ prompt: a baby appears into your timeline to reveal an unexpected surprise.

♡ pairing: Bart Allen (Impulse) x fem reader

♡ note: not checked for grammar or spelling mistakes / for OBVIOUS reasons, it’s altered when it comes to the canon universe because we all know legitimate canon wouldn’t work for this....pain. also!! please if any of you are interested in more characters with prompt, let me know!! 

both you and Bart weren’t together. not in the slightest. at the very least, both of you had flirted with each other, PLAYFULLY and all things considered, Bart liked to talk to girls when he had the chance. he was very much like Wally in that sense. 

since you weren’t exactly the type to try to flirt with every person with a pulse like Bart did, you really only playfully ‘flirted’ with Jaime, Gar, and sometimes Robin when you were feeling extra confident. 

the lair was extra dead tonight with only you, Bart, and Gar sitting down and watching whatever was on TV. you had you legs kicked up on Gar as Bart was reaching over to your lap to grab the popcorn that you were holding. 

“the lair being this dead seems unnaturally calm,” you told the two boys. they nodded in agreement but before you could even take another breathe, all of your eyes were averted to the large blue orb that was suddenly in the room. Bart grabbed his gear from behind the couch and Gar immediately transformed. you grabbed the pocket knife from your pocket and held it in a very similar Michael Meyers pose, “what the hell is happening,” you heard Gar whisper. 

as all of you were ready to attack, all of you saw a baby, no older than ten months pop out. your instincts immediately jumped to grab the infant before it fell on the ground. you looked to the boys with wide eyes before staring back down to the baby, “oh, hi baby,” you whispered as it let out a cry. 

“that’s a baby!” Gar screamed, not knowing what to do. both you and Bart looked at him like he was an idiot, “of course it is! what else would it be?” you retorted, not in the mood to hear his slight stupidity while a child was wailing. 

you grabbed the blanket you were using a while ago and wrapped it around her like your sister had taught you. having a niece you guessed at its perks as the baby immediately calmed down, “call someone!” you whispered to the two, “Nightwing, Megan, fucking hell, even the Bat if you can!” 

both Gar and Bart ran to the nearest COMM link and rang for anyone in the Justice League or your leaders. as Gar was standing behind you, admiring the tiny baby, he looked at her before looking at you and Bart, “huh, she kinda looks like if she was some kind of combination of the two of you,” Gar said off-handedly. 

you and Bart looked at each other before laughing hysterically. a kid? with Bart no less? that sounded like some kind of joke if you’ve ever heard one. Bart sat down next to you and peeked at the hair, “he does have that Allen red hair though,” you stared at him before smacking the back of his head. 

it didn’t take long before Nightwing, Robin, and Batman ran into the lair. whatever distress signal Gar or Bart let out must’ve worked because you had never saw any of the three get here as fast as they just did. you looked to Nightwing and Batman while showing them the sleeping baby. 

“the three of us were just watching a movie when a blue orb came literally out of nowhere and the baby popped out. we swear we didn’t do ANYTHING,” you explained through nervousness. Batman hummed, seeing how calm the baby was, “kinda looks like the two of you,” Nightwing said out of curiosity. 

“THAT’S WHAT I SAID!” Gar yelled, “it has her hair but Bart’s hair color.” you sighed out of annoyance as Nightwing agreed. Batman on the other hand looked at you and back to Bart who was eerily quiet for someone who talked A LOT. 

he gave Dick a look as if the two of communicating telepathically. on instant, Dick looked to the three of you, “what did we say about leaving stray cups around,” Nightwing told the three of you. you sighed, “sorry, we didn’t have time to pick up,” you said grabbing your pink Solo cup and tossing it in the trash. 

“we’ll see what we can do to get the child back where it belongs,” Batman said giving you a look, “the baby hasn’t given you any trouble, right? come with me and bring the child. we can run a DNA sample and see if he has any connections to any of the members whether it’s in the league or among the team,” he asked. 

discreetly, Tim had gotten a cotton swab and took the spit from the residue on the solo cup and put it in his small pocket before following all of you. you felt the baby stir in your arms and as she opened her eyes, you smiled down at it. you had no idea where these maternal instincts came from but oddly enough, you had this mother bear protectiveness over her. 

you waited for something that had to be brought by Nightwing to the lair and during that time, you played with the baby, who Bart decided to call Autumn for the time being. Nightwing came back a bit later and gave whatever he brought to Nightwing as he watched you and Bart play with the girl. 

while the two of you wanted to hand the baby over to Gar, Megan, Zatanna, hell even Robin, she immediately refused and let out a blaring cry whenever you or Bart let her go. everyone immediately handed her back to you or Bart as soon as she started crying and almost as quickly as she started crying, she stopped when you or Bart held her. 

“do you think I can go feed her? she’s probably hungry,” you told Nightwing. he nodded as you got up with the baby and grabbed her by the arms, holding them high in the air so she could use her legs to walk without falling, “she seems like a great mom,” Nightwing said. 

without a thought or even a second heart beat, Bart nodded in agreement as he watched you walk out. Bart wanted to follow you but didn’t want to seem like he was overwhelming you so he stayed with the Bats and Gar. 

not even realizing, he had fallen asleep against the wall as DNA results pinged up on Tim’s screen. the baby had the closest match to your DNA and using the spit from the previous DNA testing Bart had done on Bart, both of your photos showed up as the parents. Tim got Dick’s and Bruce’s attention without trying to make a scene. 

Dick laughed because of course the two of you were the parents. no wonder Autumn didn’t want anyone to hold her except for the two of you. as Dick looked down to look at Bart, he saw that he had finally woken up. Tim signaled that he was in the kitchen, trying to make Autumn laugh. 

“ironic how that works out,” Gar said. Nightwing and Batman agreed as he told Nightwing to be the one to break the news to the two of you. Gar wanted to hear what you both said when he told you and Tim tagged along as a result. 

as they all entered the kitchen, they heard ‘Killer Queen’ by Queen playing from your phone as you and Bart were playing with Autumn. “hey, did the results come back? I bet 50 bucks it was Megan’s and Connor’s!” you said. 

Nightwing handed you the papers in a manila folder. you couldn’t help but laugh at how eerily reminiscent this was to a Maury TV show segment. you opened the folder to see your team photo right along Barts as the arrows pointed to the Autumn. 

out of sheer shock, you dropped the folder on the floor as you felt like the wind was knocked out of you. Bart looked at the ground to see what the results were but he, unlike you, laughed. you had given Nightwing the baby to hold before grabbing the folder. 

“congrats?” Gar said awkwardly, “you’re parents!” 

before you could respond to his witty comments, you saw the same blue orb enter the lair again. you stared at the orb as two people walked out, arguing with each other at the top of their lungs. you grabbed the baby from Nightwing and held it tightly against your chest as Bart went into defense mode and jumped in front of the two of you. 

“i think it’s the two of you from the future,” Robin said as eerily similar version of the two of you walked into view. future you immediately sighed in relief as she saw you holding the baby, “so she did get sent to the past,” future you said. 

you looked yourself, “so, I’m assuming bird boy here did his little magic and figured out both of you were the parents?” you said. you nodded as older Bart chuckled and stood next to his younger self, “how did we get together?” he asked himself. 

“what’s the date?” he asked. Nightwing gave him the date and Bart laughed, “you’ll see in a few weeks actually. word of advice, don’t piss her off while she’s pregnant. I learned this the hard way,” Bart warned. older you smiled at you as you stood next to Bart, “we gotta go back to our timeline. the twins are killing me and she’s getting restless,” you said. 

“TWINS?” all of you screamed at the sudden confession. older you smacked yourself as Bart warned you about spoilers, “twins....” you murmured to yourself as your older versions walked back into the orb and waved all of you off. 

Nightwing had told Gar and Tim to leave the two of you alone so you could process what you had just found out. you looked too Bart who was scratching the back of his head, “we have kids together, huh?” you told Bart, “three kids at that,” he replied. 

you gave Bart a smile, “whenever you’re done flirting with every girl on the planet, you know where you can find me,” you told him, giving Bart a wink before walking back into the kitchen, “no fair! you flirt with Jaime all the time!” he retorted as he walked into the kitchen. 

#Young Justice #young justice imagine #yj imagines #dc #DC comics #comics #DC imagines #dc imagine #dc x reader #bart allen #bart allen imagine #bart allen x reader #bart allen x you #kid flash #impulse #impulse imagine #impulse x reader

[drwcn]

《 Without Envy 》 storyboard 9 - concubine/sleeper agent!wwx & prince!lwj [Master List], you should also have read [6] [6.2]

Lan Qiren coming to visit Hanguang-fu effectively put an end to Wei Wuxian's time as Lan Wangji's servant. He wanted to send Wei Wuxian back to Jiang-fu, but luckily, Jiang Yanli interfered.

Jiang Yanli has been slowly recovering since her drug-induced miscarriage, and while Wei Wuxian had slowed her progress with sedatives, he's been careful to keep an eye on her intake to make sure Jin Ziyan hasn't been messing with her again. As well, with Wei Wuxian occupying Lan Wangji's time and keeping the Jiang family in his good graces, Jiang Yanli had the time she needed to recover fully without needing to push herself to entertain Lan Wangji for favour.

“妾身见过太师，给太师请安。” “阿离啊，听说你小产后一直身体不好，这下着雨，你怎么来了。起身吧, 孩子。” “承蒙太师与陛下惦记，殿下垂怜，阿离的身子已经大好了。阿羡本是妾身院里的，是妾身的陪嫁，一直都安分守己，对王府对殿下忠心不二。是妾身无用，身子一直不见好才让阿羡到王爷身边侍奉。刚见阿羡被太师训斥，相比是阿离平日里管教无方，无心顶撞了太师。有什么过错，都是妾身的错，还请太师责罚。” ~translate~ Jiang Yanli dipped into a proper curtsey, kneeling before Lan Qiren, "This humble concubine greets Taishi. I pray that you've been well." "A-Li, I've heard that you've not been well since your miscarriage. It's raining today, what troubled you to come? Rise, child." Lan Qiren's stance softened upon seeing Jiang Yanli. His late sister-in-law had no daughters, and so often summoned the daughters of nobles into court to dote on and mentor as her own. Jiang Yanli, gentle and proper, has long been known to be a favorite of the late empress. She may not be the greatest beauty in her generation, but was second to none when it came to etiquette and grace. "Thanks be to His Majesty and taishi for remembering, and thanks to dianxia's for his care, my health is much improved now. A-Xian was once a member of my court, my peijia. I've always known him to be obedient and conscious of his place, and loyal to wangye and this princely manor. It is only on account of my poor health that he's been summoned to serve at wangye's side. Earlier, I heard Taishi chastising him; surely it must be A-Li's fault for failing to teaching him propriety and thus causing his unintended offence. The fault is with A-Li, and so I humbly submit myself to your discipline, taishi." Lan Qiren sighed. He did not wish to stir up trouble over a servant. If Jiang Yanli was willing to stand up for this Wei Wuxian, then he must have his uses. At the very least, he'll be a confidant for Jiang Yanli against Jin Ziyan. Lan Qiren so hoped that one day Wangji would choose the Jiang girl as his legal spouse and secure his marriage once and for all. If sparing one lowly servant was the price then so be it. "Very well, A-Li. Since the servant is yours, then his training and discipline shall be your responsible. He is unsuited to serve at the prince's side. It is good that you have recovered; Wangji should not be without a caring partner."

And so, Wei Wuxian returned to Jiang Yanli's side as a servant. Lan Wangji had to watch him go and could not interfere. The next several days was depressing for both of them on multiple fronts.

Xue Yang was very unimpressed:

"So you're tell me that you got to spend quality time with Lan Wangji for months and then... didn't get anywhere?" "I was getting there okay? How was I supposed to know his stupid uncle was gonna barge in like some nosey busybody and ruin everything!? I haven't seen Lan Zhan in days..." I miss him. How horrifyingly embarrassing. He probably forgot me already. "Don't tell me you actually miss him??? That you - barf - fell for him? Whatever happened to standards??!" "You watch your mouth, Xue Chengmei! I'm still your shixiong! And I have standards; Lan Zhan is...very good." Xue Yang: ( ˘︹˘ ) whatever.

Lan Wangji, the sulky boy that he is, brooded for days until Lan Xichen finally sought him out for some good ol' brotherly heart to heart.

"I hear Uncle took away your shiny new toy." "Wei Ying is not a toy." "Wei Ying is it?" Lan Xichen wiggled his eyebrows. "Ah, didi, you have to think a little more creatively. So your Wei Ying has gone back to his mistress, but is his mistress not your concubine? Jiang-furen is still unpregnant, I might add. Visit her. Then surely you'll get to see him." Lan Wangji grimaced. The thought has occurred to him, but the idea of bedding anyone not Wei Ying is intolerable. "Yes, Yanli is lovely, but I'd rather not...you know..." His brother was too polite to roll his eyes. "You've done it before, Wangji." "I would not have had to, if xiongzhang simply did his duty." Lan Wangji bit back icily, and instantly regretted it. Lan Xichen's eyes widened, his cheerful-teasing expression stuttering and crumbling in seconds. "Yes...yes that's true." "My sincerest apologies, huangxiong - no - bixia." Lan Wangji rose to his feet and then bowed down deeply. "I forgot my place. I accept any punishment." Lan Xichen sighed and extended a forgiving hand to pardon him. "Not necessary, Wangji. You're right. I haven't done my duty for Gusu." He pulled the younger man to sit beside him again. "You are doing this in my stead, stepping up where I have let the country down. I should not make light of your sacrifice. The matter of a harem is inevitably complicated, which is why I never cared for one. Neither did Father. His harem had always been sparse, and his first empress was not one of his choosing. When she died in childbirth and our unborn sibling along with her, he elevated our mother's rank to Empress and visited no one else henceforth." "Mother was never popular with the ministers for that reason." "Yes. They suspected that she had something to do with...well, in any case I imagine they were quite relieved when she passed." Lan Xichen shook his head. "The harem is not a happy place, Wangji. You were born after Mother was already Empress, you would not have remembered a time when she was consort. But I do. Like you, your concubines did not get to choose their fate. The fault, ultimately, lies with me." "Huangxiong -" "It's true, Wangji. The fault is mine." Lan Xichen patted him on the arm placatingly. "You cannot love them, and clever as they are, I don't think your concubines would expect you to. However, you can ensure their happiness in other ways. Jiang-furen seems the kind to very much want a child of her own. It will make the rest of her life in your harem more bearable."

After some deliberation, Lan Wangji went back to his routine of visiting different concubines regularly, but never more than just sharing a bed-space. With the exception of Jiang Yanli. Lan Wangji could see it in her eyes; she knew who he really wanted, but those words never needed to be said aloud. Jiang Yanli was kind to him, and he was kind to her in return. All things considered, it wasn't awful being with someone who wasn't your preferred, but who knew you for yourself and shared your struggles.

"Dianxia, you must've heard, that before I married into your wangfu, I was betrothed to Jin Zixuan." She mentioned one evening over a game of weiqi. Of all his concubines (which he has 4) and friends (which he has few), Jiang Yanli's skill on the weiqi board was unparalleled. Lan Wangji half wondered how the Marquis and Marchioness of Yunmeng could have buried this talented daughter of theirs under the shadow of their son for so many years. "Yes I am aware." "I loved him." "...." For a minute Lan Wangji did not know how to reply. He stared at the chessboard. Jiang Yanli's black pieces had surrounded his white ones and forced them into a corner. "Why are you telling me this?" "Your court, my clan: we are their creatures." Jiang Yanli 's smile was knowing. "I am not A-Xian; I can see what he cannot." "Which is?" "You've fallen for each other. Completely. He denies it, heaven knows why." Jiang Yanli took a delicate sip of tea. Fleetingly, Lan Wangji imagined that if he could not have Wei Ying, if he were forced to take a legal wife to make empress, that she would make a magnificent one. "Father loved Mother. Loved her as a wife even when she was only a consort -" "And his love spurred the hate of the royal court." "They blamed her for his loving a woman more than his country, as though she should have persuaded him to love her less. I do not want the same to happen to Wei Ying." "Nor I." "Huangshu says I would need a legal spouse one day, someone virtuous and from a strong pureblood family." "Is that what dianxia wants?" "I want it to be Wei Ying, though I know it to be impossible. Barring that, I'd want to keep him safe in the harem, the size of which will only grow after I succeed the throne." "For that, dianxia will need a spouse who will reign over the harem as you rule over the country." Lan Wangji contemplated his choices and the options available to him. After some time, he placed the white piece he fiddled between his fingers back into the bamboo bowl, conceding that he'd lost this round. Jiang Yanli waited patiently for him to come to terms with the offer she already knew he would make. He wondered how long ago she had foreseen this moment, whilst simultaneously realizing that if his uncle had any idea just how intelligent she truly was, he would not be so quick to suggest her as a candidate for princess consort. A weak emperor and a strong empress never boded well for the stability of the realm. This was dangerous waters Lan Wangji was wading into, but he knew beyond doubt that the only way to survive was to keep straight ahead. He had no other path to take, none which maximally balanced what he wanted with what he needed. Jiang Yanli was his only solution, his only ally. "Huangxiong suggested that we have a child together." He finally said, staring her squarely in the eyes. "You and I can agree that the son of Gusu Lan and Yunmeng Jiang would certainly be a strong contender amongst his brothers." "She could be a daughter." "Then I'd cherish her more. A child and a crown - would they make you happy, Yanli?" "If I said yes?" "Then they're yours." Jiang Yanli smiled.

Two months after Wei Wuxian was dismissed from Lan Wangji's service and the prince began visiting Jiang Yanli, good new was delivered to Jiang Fengmian and Yu Ziyuan. The message was this: Hanguang-wang's Jiang-furen was with child yet again.

#cql #the untamed #wangxian #cql ficlet #corie fics #without envy #i said i'd do this for yall #and so i did

[shedobewritingalittle]

Liability

Pairing: Steve Rogers x Stark!Reader, platonic!Sam Wilson x Reader, platonic!Bucky Barnes x Reader

Summary: The reader deals with the repercussions of Steve’s actions and death of the three people closest to her.

Rating: R

Word Count: 4k

Warnings: Mentions of suicide, mentions of death, feeling alone, depression, you know the vibes

Bucky and Sam had been put in charge of making sure Y/N Stark was okay. Steve had made them promise on his deathbed that they would look after her. Of course they had agreed, not wanting to argue with a dying man. Sam and Y/N were best friends and well, Bucky had nothing else to do and he wasn't going to disobey his best friend's wishes.

Things were okay for the first month after Steve died. Well, as okay as it could be all things considered.

Bucky and Sam moved into the townhouse that Y/N had shared with Steve to make sure she was okay. It was unspoken agreement between the three of them: they were going to move in since they didn't have any other place to go and Y/N had more than enough room. She had just lost her brother, her best friend, and the man she loves so they expected her to be barely holding on, to be extremely upset-but she seemed okay. Sure there was moments were she would suddenly start crying or days were she wouldn't come out of the room she had shared with Steve, but both men had expected this. Y/N was grieving after all.

Then she told them that she was going to stay upstate with her sister-in-law and niece. Y/N missed them and wanted to make sure they were doing okay. Sam and Bucky thought nothing of this-in fact, they were happy that she wanted to see them. Her face seemed to light up when talked about her upcoming trip and both men thought that being away from the city and with her family would greatly benefit her.

Y/N had given them both a hug the day she left, telling them that she would give them a call when she had arrived at Pepper's. Nothing had seemed amiss as they had helped her fill her trunk with bags.Sam had offer to drive her, but she had insisted that she can drive upstate by herself. Y/N had looked so happy, truly happy when she climbed into the car. She had given them a huge smile as she waved, pulling away from the curb. Both men had felt so relieved, thinking that this was the best thing for her. For the first time after Steve has died, they felt like a weight has been lifted off their shoulders.

Y/N called later in the day when she had arrived at Pepper's. She painted a vivid picture of how excited Pepper and Morgan were to see her, how good it felt to be around her family. Y/N had even said that her and Pepper talked about Tony, which Y/N had said made her feel a lot better, made her feel not so alone. Bucky and Sam were happy and content with her situation, making her promise she'd call again.

For the first couple of weeks, she did call. Y/N always had something to tell them too. Sometimes it was her and Morgan had spent the whole day swimming in the lake or her and Pepper attempted to make some vegan sourdough bread. Y/N always sounded happy over the phone, which made Bucky and Sam think that things were looking up, that she was getting better.

And then the calls stopped.

The calls stopping wasn't an immediate cause for concern. Bucky didn't believe that Y/N, -as a grown woman-needed to check in with them every single day or every single week. Sam wasn't as so optimistic. He knew Y/N and he knew that she kept her promises. Even if she had gotten busy or was doing really good, she would have at least sent them a text. It wasn't like her to go completely dark on them. But he also know it wasn't his place to force Y/N to check in. After all, she was an adult.

And then Rhodey had called.

Sam and Rhodey didn't call each other a lot so when his name popped up on Sam's phone, the Falcon knew that this situation was serious. Sam wished for the best, hoped that Rhodey was just calling about a mission or something have to do with the government.

He wasn't so lucky.

"Hey is everything okay with Y/N? She hasn't been answering her phone." Rhodey questioned, immediately making Sam's stomach drop.

"She's upstate with Pepper. She left a month ago. I thought you knew that." Sam replied, which quickly got Bucky's attention. Bucky stood up a little straighter, his eyebrows knitting together.

"Sam, I'm upstate with Pepper and she hasn't seen Y/N since Steve's funeral." Rhodey quickly responded, following by a sigh and some muttered curse words. Sam felt sick to his stomach, bile rising up in his throat.

Rhodey explained that Y/N had been calling Pepper every day, but the calls stopped a few weeks ago. Rhodey had tried to tell her that Y/N was probably just busy, but Pepper knew something was wrong. So Rhodey had called, trying to ease Pepper's worries. Sam told him that Y/N had said she was going up to go see Pepper and Morgan. Her calls to him having stopped around the same time as her calls to Pepper did.

Y/N Stark had just vanished into thin air.

Sam knew they had to work backwards in order to find out some idea of where she was and that had led them to the closed door leading into Y/N's room. Neither of them had been on the other side of the door. It wasn't their place to go into her room, their room. Yet, seeing that no one knew where Y/N was, they didn't have much of choice.

Bucky and Sam didn't know what to expect when they walked through the white door, but they didn't expect everything to seem so...neat. Everything seemed perfect. The bed was made, clothes were neatly put away. One thing that did seem weird is that all of the pictures in the room were all laying picture side face down on the surfaces they were on. Pictures that were hanging on the walls were covered with a multitude of things-a t-shirt, a pillowcase, or a scarf. While it wasn't an immediate cause for concern, it did make both men feel incredibly uneasy. The pictures aside, everything looked normal and incredibly clean. Not a thing was out of place.

Other than her cell phone, resting on the dresser. The same phone that had been calling both Pepper and Sam.

There's one thing that remains completely consistent with the Starks and that's the fact they are both incredibly smart.

Y/N Stark had been on the run with Steve, Sam, Nat, and Wanda. She was good at hiding, amazing at it. Y/N knew that her phone could be tracked and that they would be able to see what location she was calling from. While Sam wanted to just give her the benefit of the doubt and just pretend she was hiding out on a resort somewhere, he knows better. The fact that she had created a system to talk to both Sam and Pepper using prerecorded responses hinted at something much darker-something that he tried not to think about.

After some digging and pulling some strings, Rhodey and Sam find security camera footage of Y/N buying four different bouquets. They're able to follow her car via the footage to three different cemeteries. Upon visiting each one, the three men find that she had left flowers for her parents, Tony, Natasha, and Steve. Using the time stamps on the videos, they learn that she spent almost an hour at each cemetery, with the last one being the cemetery where Steve was buried. After that, the trail went cold and they were back at square one.

Then her car was found by Rhodey, exactly halfway between the city and Pepper's home, hidden on an old stretch of road.

Every piece of luggage was perfectly in its place, exactly where Bucky and Sam had helped her put it. Her shoes that she had been wearing had been left on the passenger seat, her wallet left behind in the glovebox with not a card out of place. There was no signs of a struggle. It just look like she pulled off the the side of the road for a minute. Y/N didn't want to be found and since she didn't want to be found, she had been smart. If someone had taken her, they would have been sloppy and messed up along the way. Not Y/N. She knew better.

The people that she had left behind were at a complete lost. They were all terrified, none of them wanting to think about what might have happened to Y/N or what she was capable of. She had lost three people incredibly close to her-her brother, her best friend, and the man she loves. People have lost a lot less and done a lot worse to others and themselves.

"Is there anywhere the two of them had? Any special place they'd go?" Sam asks Pepper once all of their leads dried up. The woman is clearly distraught, wringing her hands and her eyes rimmed with red. Rhodey hadn't wanted ask Pepper, but they were left with no other option. It doesn't take long for her to answer. She must've been thinking and thinking about where her sister-in-law has gone the couple of weeks they have been looking.

"There was this little farm house an hour outside of the city that Steve kept telling her that they were going to raise a family in. It-It has a big oak tree. You can't miss it." She answers, looking up at Sam and Bucky, "Please, please find her."

-

Pepper was right. They couldn't miss the house.

It was an aging colonial located in the middle of nowhere, with farmland and forest surrounding it. Its white siding was covered in moss in place, making it look more green than eggshell. The wrap around porch had been ripped off in places, leaving gaps. Some of the emerald green shutters have been torn off completely or were hanging by a single hinge. Most of the windows were broken and Sam was pretty sure it was leaning to the left a little. On the second story, an entire part of the roof has caved in. The best part of the entire place was giant oak tree. It was absolutely massive-probably the biggest that either man had seen. An old tire swing hung from one of the lower branches, the rope fraying but still somehow holding on.

Bucky and Sam glance at each other before getting out of the car and walking up the gravel driveway. It was eerily quiet and everything seemed to be at a standstill out here. The porch steps creaked and felt like it was going to collapse under their feet. The porch itself was warped, some planks missing completely. Sam sighed and carefully knocked on the door, really hoping for the best. There was no response, so he tried again. When there was no answer again, Sam reached for the door knob, finding it unlocked. The door creaked open loudly and both men were prepared to see the absolute worse waiting for them inside.

Yet when Sam and Bucky step inside the house, their eyes immediately land on her.

Y/N was nestled in a nook of one of the windows that still had glass in its panels, knees drawn up into her chest.  Old, moldy, and decaying furniture from decades earlier still filled the home. Mementos of someone else's family and life left behind, as if the home's inhabitants had gotten up one day and never came back. Pictures still left in their frames, their photos weathered and abandoned, It reminded Bucky of home, of the life he was ripped away from and he understands why Steve had like the house so much. It was a house that was out of place and out of time, just like the Star Spangled Man With A Plan.

"I was hoping you guys just let me be." Y/N announces, not bothering to turn her head to look at the pair. She rests her head against the window, nails digging into her calves. She was wearing a dress that was once white and the men could see her skin was littered with cuts and bruises.

"We just wanted to make sure you were okay." Sam announces, taking a step forward. The warped wood floors creak under his weight, announcing his movement. Y/N chuckles humorlessly, her breath fogging up the dingy glass.

"He said that we were gonna buy this house. Told me that he was going to marry me and we were going to settle down. Told me that we were going to have a family together. Told me that he wanted a family. Told me that for five years." She tells them unprompted, eyes flicking down to look at her knees, "And he did want all of that. Just not with me. I was just a replacement for her."

Bucky and Sam don't know how to respond. They know that there's nothing they can do, no way that they can defend Steve for his actions. Neither of them were happy with the man abandoning his grieving girlfriend in order to live out a half-baked fantasy. Y/N knows this too, which is why she continues.

"I told him to go. I told him if that's what he wanted that he could go. Told him I was going to be okay. He had already made his mind up at that point. For some reason, I-I didn't think he'd actually leave." Her voice cracks, her cool facade crumbling. Her nails digging deep crescents into her legs, "Why-Why would he leave me? I just lost Nat and Tony and he left-"

Tears roll down her cheeks as she releases her grip on her legs, loosening her hold. Her lower lip quivers, unable to rein her emotions back in. The question wasn't for Bucky or Sam and honestly, Y/N doesn't even know who she is asking.

"My brother-My brother got his family and I-Steve kept telling me that we were going to get married and have a house full of kids." She forces the words out through the emotion, finally turning to look at Bucky and Sam, "Did you know that he and Peggy had three children together, Sam? I don't think he told you that when you got the shield."

Her eyes flick back down to look at her knees, tears rolling down her face. The house has gotten a lot colder, especially as the sky starts to darken outside. Y/N lifts her head, resting it against the frame of the window.

"I bought this house. It was going to be his Christmas present this year. A push in the right direction, if you will. Tony told me not to do it, said it was a bad idea. And he was right. He was always right." Y/N announces, a bitter laugh slipping out of her mouth, "And now I'm stuck with this fucking shithole."

For the past eight years, Y/N has been in a relationship with Steve. He was the man she loved, the man who she saw herself marrying and having children with. Y/N had turned on her brother and gone on the run with Steve, even though she knew that might cut off ties from the only family she has. When Thanos snapped his fingers and made half of the universe disappear, Y/N had clung to her boyfriend. Sure she'd go visit Tony, Pepper, and Morgan and would occasionally see Natasha, but she practically spent every waking moment with Steve. After the Snap, after she saw how happy her brother was, she knew she wanted a family. And Steve-Steve just kept telling her that they would have a family one day.

Y/N had been too distracted to see the cracks in their relationship. She was too in love with Steve to see that he hadn't loved her the same amount. Too in love to see that she was only a replacement for the woman he truly loved. When the cracks started to slip through, Y/N tried her best to fix them by making excuses. She had layered and layered excuses onto of each other in order to hold her relationship together. And while Y/N should've known better, she just didn't want to face the music and see everything for what it was.

That had worked until Natasha died, until her brother snapped his fingers. Until Steve told her that he was going to leave, not taking how she was feeling or what she was going through into consideration. Until he told her that he just didn't love her in that way. Until she had to keep how betrayed she felt to herself as she played the role of the dutiful, mournful girlfriend at his funeral. After that, everything came tumbling down around her and she was thrown back into reality.

"I told him.. told him that I wanted to end it all and he didn't care. Didn't even try to talk to me about it. Tony was the only family I've ever known and Nat was my best friend and he-he should've been there for me and he wasn't. He didn't care because he was already going to be gone. Another dead Stark didn't matter to him." Y/N turns her head and narrows her eyes at them, "That's why you two came here, isn't it? To make sure I didn't off myself?"

"We wanted to make sure you're safe-" Bucky starts, but Y/N quickly cuts him off with another bitter laugh. The super soldier glances at Sam, not knowing what to do in this situation.

"You wanted to? Don't bullshit me. You guys didn't move in with me or come to check on me because you two actually care about me. You two promised Steve that you'd watch over me, like I'm a fucking helpless child." Y/N snaps, glaring daggers at the two of them, "If he cared that much, he'd fucking be here, but he isn't. Steve made his choice and because of that, he doesn't get to have a say in my life anymore."

"Okay fine, we won't bullshit you. Yeah, he did ask us to take care of you, but you act like we weren't friends five years ago, Y/N. I have no idea what you're going through, but don't you dare act like I don't fucking care about you." Sam fires back, tears filling his eyes. More tears stream down her face as he continues, "Before the snap, you and me were thick as thieves. I care about you, Y/N, and you've had Pepper, Rhodey, and me all worried sick. Yeah, we were scared that you'd hurt yourself because we know you and I know how bad you got when we were in hiding, so we have every right to be worried about you."

It's incredibly quiet, quiet enough to hear a mouse sneeze. Bucky felt incredibly awkward standing there. He had only met Y/N a few times before he moved into her home and every time he had been around her, Steve was there. Obviously, he doesn't know Y/N as good as Sam does-hell, he barely knows anything about her-but he knows when someone is doing bad and Y/N is clearly doing bad.

Y/N leans her head forehead, pressing it against her knees for a moment. Her chest felt hollow, almost as if it was going to cave in on itself. She would love to pretend that she was doing completely okay, love to pretend that Sam and her family were wrong in their assumptions of why she had disappeared. Y/N would love to pretend like everything was okay, but she was tired.  She was incredibly tired, utterly exhausted. Y/N was done trying to pretend like nothing was wrong, done hiding everything in order to keep up appearances for the people around her. She let a shakily breath slip out of her mouth as she lifts up her head, resting her chin on her knees. As if he could feel the energy in the room shift, Sam turns to look at Bucky, silently asking if he could leave. The super soldier nods and without a word, he walks out the front door, shutting it behind him. Sam knows Y/N and he knows for times like this, she doesn't need an audience. Its already extremely hard for her to share what she is feeling and having Bucky there isn't exactly helping.

"I can't do this anymore, Sam. I can't." Y/N admits quietly once the door is shut, tears steaming down her cheeks. "I tried to stick it out for Pepper and Morgan, but I can't. I-I was going to do it. I had a goodbye message recorded and everything."

Her confession sucks all of the air out of the room, the only noises being her sniffling and the sounds a house as old as this one makes. Sam can feel his heart breaking in his chest makes his way over to her, crossing the room in seconds. He moves to sit on the edge of the nook she's sitting on. Up close, Sam can see how red her eyes are, how dark her under eyes are. He knows she most likely hasn't gotten any actual rest in few days-most likely since she's been gone. Her legs and arms are all cut up and bruised, her white dress covered in dirt and occasionally some sprinkles of deep burgundy. Her cheeks seemed a little less full and Sam wonders when was the last time she ate was.

"And you wanted to do it here?" Sam asks, his voice soft. Y/N just nods in response, unable to look at him. The man clasps his hands together as he continues, treading the waters as carefully as possible, "I-I'm not going to pretend to understand what you're going through okay? I'm not going to bullshit you. All I know is that you're hurting and you have every right to be."

"It just hurts so much, Sam. Everything hurts and I-I don't want to hurt anymore." Y/N manages to get out, not bothering to wipe the tears that keep rolling down her cheeks, "I'm tired. I'm so God damn tired and I want to be with them."

"Do you think that's what Tony wants? Do you think he wants you to join him? Do you think that's what Nat wants you to do?" Sam questions delicately, to which Y/N shakes her 'no' in response, "I know it hurts, but ending it? They don't want that for you. We don't want that for you. You still have so much life to live, kid. And I know it's horrible right now. You're going through pain that is way too much for one person to carry, but you don't have to go through this alone. Sure I'm not Nat or your brother and I'm sure as hell not Steve-but I am here and I want to make sure you're okay."

Y/N raises her head to look at her friend and Sam can see the hurt written all over her face. Her pain is visible and he feels like a shitty friend for not noticing it beforehand. Sam carefully reaches out and rests his hand on top of hers, a tear slipping out of his eyes.

"Just come back with us, okay? It's not going to be easy and it's going to suck, but I can't bury another friend, Y/N." Sam's voice cracks, his throat constricting with emotion. It takes her moment-and for that moment Sam is absolutely petrified, wondering if he said all the wrong things, wondering if he made it all worse-but then she nods the world's tiniest nod before breaking out into full on sobs. It was like all of the pain and hurt had finally broken through and she was finally reacting to it all. Sam wrapped his arms around her tightly, holding her against his chest as she cried and cried over the family she lost.

#steve rogers x reader #sam wilson x reader #bucky barnes x reader #steve rogers #sam wilson #bucky barnes

[mca-attack21]

The Sacrifice part 2

This is the second part of a three part mini-series. Part one is here and my masterlist is here. I hope you enjoy it, let me know if you want to be tagged in the final part! DOOWEEEOOOO!

Eventually, as she always does, River left. The Doctor stared at the space she once occupied. Something felt off… he felt off. He was alone in a way that he had not been since he met Rose all those years ago. Even the idea of reuniting with Amy and Rory did not ease his sense of heartache. There was something missing, something important. Something so important that it was written on his hearts, even if it was out of reach of his mind. He tried to shake the feeling, to bury it and move on, but he couldn’t, not with this. 

Telling himself that it must’ve been some weird after effect of being drugged, he decided to ignore it and focus instead on Amy and Rory who he needed to pick up from Amsterduke. He maneuvered the controls and held on as the TARDIS took off. Finding the couple was easy as he merely had to ask where the humans were. They were both very glad to see him, as they had gotten into a bit of a pickle themselves. Once it was all said and done and everyone had made it back to the TARDIS, they all had a good laugh about it. 

Though even as they were joking around, Amy could see the loss in her friend’s eyes. She wondered what had happened in the short time that they were separated, but decided that it was better that she didn’t ask.

The next morning, the Doctor was getting ready to wake everyone up for the upcoming adventure and doing some light ready as he journeyed through the halls as he had done countless times before. Head still in the book, he reached out for a doorknob that wasn’t there. He looked up to see that he stood before a blank wall. While the TARDIS did like to move things around on occasion, this was peculiar. The Doctor racked his brain but couldn’t remember anything ever being in that spot. Yet, he felt so drawn to it. There *was* something there, there had to be.

“Doctor?” Amy asked puzzled by his attention to the wall.

“Hmm? Yes. Sorry, just had a thought.”

‘That’s always dangerous. Should I start running or hide?’ she joked. 

“Hey!” he feigned offense.

“What? I didn’t say anything,” Amy asked looking slightly concerned.

“Of course not, where were we?” he asked, an unsettling feeling taking over again.

“Are you alright?” 

“Amy, sweet married Amy, in all our time together I thought by now you would have learned better than to ask such a silly question. I’m fine. No, I’m better than fine I’m great! Now go grab Rory and get ready to see Venice.”

Over the next two months, there were many moments like the one above. The Doctor would find himself with certain objects, places, or phrases and feel like there was something off. It was like they should mean something to him other than what they did. Sometimes he’d catch himself having two-way conversation, but whose words came to mind he couldn’t tell. All he knew is that the didn’t belong to him. It always came in short waves, and it was getting harder and harder to ignore. He’d spend his nights wandering through the TARDIS to see if anything would trigger something. He was grasping at straws, but had no choice. He felt incomplete, like whatever it was that he had forgotten or lost was the last piece of a puzzle that he hadn’t even truly been aware that he’d been solving. The problem was that he wasn’t able to see the whole picture without that piece, and he couldn’t find that piece without seeing the whole picture.

Amy and Rory noticed his change of demeanor regardless of how he tried to hide it. They were starting to get worried about him and tried to keep his mind busy. They purposefully avoided bringing it up, not wanting to upset him. That was until one day his distractedness had almost gotten him killed. It was on that day that once they were safely back in the TARDIS that Amy forced him to sit down.

“Okay, talk,” she ordered.

“What do you mean?”

“You’ve been hiding something from us, and it’s about time you clued us in,” she replied.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” the Doctor lied. 

“Yes, you do. It’s been happening for a while now. It’s like no matter where we are or what we are doing that part of your mind is somewhere else. And we’ve tried to give you your space, but obviously, that hasn’t helped, so spill it.”

“I’m fine, you are reading too much into things Amy.”

“No you’re not, and it almost got you killed today, so we aren’t leaving here until you talk about it.”

“Rory, tell Amy that I’m fine,” the Doctor sought help.

“Honestly, Doctor I agree with her. Something’s off and it’s obviously something important if it’s affecting you this much,” Rory agreed.

The Doctor felt like a child who’d gotten caught sneaking a cookie out of the cookie jar. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to tell them, but what was he supposed to say? He didn’t know what was wrong, not really. If he did, he would have been able to do something about it by now. But there was something missing, or rather someone. And they were important, incredibly important. 

“Doctor?” Amy said voice changing from accusatory to concerned as she noticed a stray tear escaping his eye.

“It’s okay, whatever it is we’ll help you through it,” Rory added.

“That’s the problem,” he whispered.

“What is?” Amy pried. 

“You can’t help me, I can’t even help me.”

“What do you mean?” she asked.

“Something happened while you guys were in Amsterduke. I have no clue what it was, but I lost something-someone there. And no matter where I look or how hard I try to remember, it’s just missing. Someone’s missing, someone important, someone I think I loved. But there is no indication that they ever existed except in small traces of familiarity,” he paused for a moment before adding, “It’s like there are all of these memories just under the surface and without the I am but a shell of the person I should be.”

The Doctor was now close to tears. His heart hurt and talking about it didn’t make it better. Amy and Rory probably thought he was crazy. If he didn’t know any better, he’d probably think he was crazy. Maybe he was crazy. 

“Okay, so tell us everything that you remember about that day,” Amy started. 

“That’s just it, I remember dropping you lovebirds off at Amsterduke. Then I remember coming to only to see River. I had no idea where I was, only that I was in pain. She brought me back to the TARDIS and the two of us did our usual banter, she left, I picked you up, we went to Venice,” the Doctor explained.

“And what about these memories? What has been triggering them?” Rory asked.

“Different things, sometimes its phrases, like pieces of a conversation I’ve already had. Or it’s reaching for something or looking somewhere where there is nothing, but that I feel something should be. It’s hard to explain.”

“Maybe this mystery person was erased like Rory was? I couldn’t remember him, but nothing he did changed. The timeline just adjusted. Maybe we can’t remember because we are humans, but they aren’t completely erased from you because you are a timelord?” Amy suggested.

“Amy, the crack in your wall was an anomaly something like that was a one time thing. This is different.”

“Maybe so, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t a different anomaly. Come on Doctor, even with all of the places and things that you have seen or heard of, surely it is possible that this is something similar,” Rory added.

“Even if you’re right, that doesn’t help. I don’t know where the anomaly was, when the anomaly was. And Amy was barely able to bring Rory back, so....” the Doctor’s face fell as he realized how hopeless the situation was.

“So it looks like we need to find River,” Rory interrupted.

“She’s the only one who can fill in the blanks of what happened that day. Maybe we can go back to that planet and find something or someone who knows something. We can’t give up on this without at least trying. You owe yourself that much,” she reasoned.

The Doctor sat there for a moment thinking everything over. Maybe, just maybe this could work. He had come out against worse odds in the past. It was at least worth a shot. He jumped up and spun around smile reappearing on his face as he readjusted his bowtie, “Off to see Professor River Song!”

TAGS: @cc13723things​ @intothesoul​ 

#doctor who #doctor who imagines #doctor who imagine #doctor who x reader #doctor who x you #eleven #eleventh doctor #eleventh doctor x reader #eleventh doctor imagine #eleventh doctor imagines #11th Doctor #11th doctor who #11th doctor x reader #11th doctor imagines #DW fanfic #dw imagines #dw imagine #dw

[mnemosyne-musing]

Double date (River/11)

(So this prompt link is very tenuous and has basically turned into pwp for which I at least partially blame sonic for encouraging me. This version is rated T but the link for the slightly smuttier version is here)

“So!” the Doctor leaps up the stairs to the console and grabs the monitor, spinning around on his heel before typing rapidly into the keyboard, “I was thinking, once River arrives, maybe, a trip to the Amazzi waterfalls. They have these wonderful pools filled with algae. Only, it’s not really algae, it’s this kind of-“

“Doctor,” Rory interrupts, somewhat tentatively, “We were thinking tonight. If you don’t mind that is. That we could just stay in? Maybe have dinner and, you know, just talk to River, and you of course?”

“Yes,” Amy pipes up quickly, “Only if you don’t mind of course,”

He looks up from the console at the two of them standing by the railing. Amy folding her hands slightly nervously in front of her and Rory biting his lip anxiously.

He beams at them. “Of course!”

Amy gives a sigh of relief. “Oh, thank you! It’s not that we don’t want to go anywhere, it’s just, it’s been a lot the last few weeks and we haven’t really had much of a chance to process or talk to River or-“

“Ooh, it can be like a double date!” he cuts in and claps his hands together, “We can cook dinner here. I’ve got this wonderful recipe from Escoffier. Fabulous chap. I worked in his restaurant once actually and-“

“Doctor, are you sure?”

He waves a hand at them as he types. “Pond, it’s fine. I’ll be fine. It doesn’t always have to be running and excitement. I can do an evening in. Now, off you pop and get your cooking clothes on! I’ll pick up River and we’ll meet you in the kitchen.”

Amy and Rory grin at each other before bounding towards the stairs and out of the console room.

“Thank you, Doctor!” Amy calls as they scarper down the corridor.

It had been just over a month since leaving River in the hospital after Berlin. They’d seen her once since then. He’d taken the Ponds to a planet with a fantastic seventeen hour meteor shower and they’d bumped into her on the viewing deck. They’d also run into a gang of high-end jewel smugglers whose presence there River swore was a complete coincidence to hers. He had his serious doubts about that but, honestly, he’d been quite distracted by all the running and excitement and then afterwards River had had to dash off very quickly. Well, not so quickly that she hadn’t grabbed him and snogged him against the door of the TARDIS but. Anyway.

He sighs and shakes his head to clear of it of those thoughts before returning to the monitor. He’s just about to pull the lever to let the TARDIS dematerialise when there’s a familiar noise of someone appearing by vortex manipulator behind him.

“Hello sweetie,”

He turns around, a grin already on his face and leans back against the console. River is standing a few feet away, wearing a dark trench coat that’s cinched in and tied at the waist, a pair of dazzlingly high blue heels on her feet that do funny things to his insides.

She begins to stalk towards him, a little bit like a predator approaching its prey.

“I thought I’d bring you a birthday present,” she practically purrs, stopping just out of arm’s reach.

He quirks an eyebrow. “But, it’s not my birthday?”

She simply smiles. A slow smirk that spreads across her face and now she really does look like she’s sizing him up for the kill. That thought really shouldn’t thrill him as much as it does he briefly ponders.

She brings a hand to the belt on her coat and slowly pulls it loose. “Care to reconsider?” she asks, her voice low and throaty as the coat falls open.

The Doctor opens his mouth but all words and possible replies immediately evaporate as he catches sight of what she’s wearing beneath the coat. Or rather, what she’s mostly not wearing beneath the coat. He hardly thinks that the plunging bra and skimpy pair of knickers, both made of flimsy lace in a deep blue colour to match her heels, really count as clothes. In fact, he can think of several planets on which that is most definitely not considered an outfit and would probably be illegal and really- hang on, why is he thinking about other planets when River is here and-

He licks his lips and swallows. “I think,” he manages to croak out, “I think it might be my birthday after all.”

River grins wickedly at him and lets the coat fall to the floor with a soft thud. She steps in towards him and grasps his shirt front, pulling him off the console and steering him backwards towards the jump seat. She pushes him down willingly into the seat and his hands automatically drift to grasp her hips, his fingers splaying across her back and stroking the soft skin there.

As she leans down to kiss him, there’s a small flicker of a thought at the back of his mind that there was something he was supposed to be doing. Something he was doing just before River arrived and-

A little while later, she levers herself off his lap as gracefully as she can before turning to look for her knickers. He watches unashamedly as she bends down to retrieve them, arse in the air and wearing nothing but those heels. She frowns down at them before shrugging, kicking her heels off and slipping her underwear back on. Turning back towards him she leans down and nabs his shirt, slipping it on before he can protest and carelessly doing up less than half the buttons.

She looks so utterly delectable, all beautifully dishevelled and ravished that he reaches for her again but she dances out of his reach.

“River!” he complains, as she sashays away from him and towards the corridor, “Where are you going?”

“We need to toast your birthday!” she calls over her shoulder as she disappears around the corner.

“But, it’s not really-,” he sighs and stops as he realises he’s talking to an empty room. He shakes his head and pulls up his boxers and trousers before sitting back in the jumpseat and waiting for River to reappear. He still hasn’t really caught his breath back since River first appeared in the console room.

He must’ve closed his eyes very briefly because he nearly jumps out of his skin a few minutes later when River’s voice suddenly crackles in the air.

“Sweetie, do we have any of the 1976 Krug? I’m sure we do but I can only find the ’77 and it just isn’t as good.”

He looks around wildly but he’s still alone in the console room.

“River?” he exclaims, “What? How are you doing- Where-“

“I’m in the kitchen, sweetie,” she says in that infinitely patient tone that she seems to reserve for when she’s telling him something extremely obvious, “I’m speaking over the intercom.”

“But. The TARDIS doesn’t have an intercom?” he objects, still looking frantically around the room as if River might suddenly pop up from behind the furniture somewhere. Her silence in response to his comment tells him she is probably rolling her eyes at him.

He’s about to come up with something very cutting and witty when over the intercom he suddenly hears a gasp and a very Scottish ‘Oh my god!’

The Ponds! Oh gods indeed! He had totally forgotten them and their date! He leaps up, spinning around to look for his shirt and then remembers River had purloined it just minutes ago. He swears in Gallifreyan under his breath, running a hand desperately through his hair before dashing out the door.

He sprints down the corridor which is rather longer than he remembers it being, cursing the TARDIS under his breath as he does do. He careens to a halt just before the kitchen and vainly tries to slow his breathing as he attempts to nonchalantly stroll inside.

He stops in the doorway and swallows nervously. River is leaning back against the kitchen counter, still clad in only his shirt and her knickers. She’s clutching a bottle of champagne in one hand and a couple of glasses in the other and looking exceptionally amused.

There’s another doorway into the kitchen on the opposite side to him and standing there are both Ponds. Amy is looking mildly embarrassed but still faintly amused whereas Rory has a shocked and slightly horrified expression on his face.

“Ah, there you are, sweetie!” River calls out cheerfully, “Did you want a glass of fizz?”

“Doctor?” Amy simply puts her hands on her hips and cocks her head at him expectantly.

“Ponds!” he exclaims as he looks wild-eyed between them, “River just arrived and- she- Well, we were going to celebrate because-“

“I think we know how you two were ‘celebrating’,” Amy snorts, folding her arms in front of her, “You’re only wearing one outfit between the two of you!”

“Ah, no, no,” the Doctor shakes his head frantically, “I know what this looks like but actually I had to give River my shirt as she only had a coat and some underwear that, well, really wasn’t much of an outfit to begin with and after-“

“Not. Helping, Doctor,” Rory mutters from between gritted teeth as he scrubs a hand over his eyes as if trying to erase that particular mental picture.

The Doctor gulps and attempts to salute the other man. “Sorry, centurion.”

“I suppose I should have asked earlier but when are we, Doctor?” River asks, still looking far too entertained with the whole situation.

“We’ve only just done Berlin a few weeks ago,” he mumbles as her eyes widen.

“Oh! Early days then,” River nods in understanding, a grin still playing around her lips, “So, this is the first time you’ve caught us like this?” she asks Amy and Rory as they nod.

“Hang on!” the Doctor says in a panicked voice, her words suddenly sinking in, “What do you mean ‘first time’?”

River simply gives him that knowing smirk again. “Believe me, none of you want to know about those times in advance.”

He puts that rather worrying thought to the back of his mind, ignoring the way Rory blanches and Amy gives a small shudder. Pasting a smile on his face, he claps his hands. “Well, we’re all here now! We can have that double date!”

“Double date?” River raises an eyebrow as she looks at him.

Amy shakes her head. “Sorry Raggedy-Man. Seeing you two half-dressed has kind of ruined my appetite.”

The Doctor glares at her and pulls his braces up self-consciously over his bare-chest, ignoring River’s soft snort of laughter. “Oi. Rude, Amelia.

“Don’t you Amelia me!” she retorts and wags a finger at him, “I know exactly what you’ve been doing with my daughter!” she adds as the Doctor blushes bright red and avoids her gaze. She turns on her heel and heads towards the door, dragging Rory along with her. “We’ll see you in the morning,” she calls over her shoulder, “If you could try and keep it out of the communal areas that would be lovely!”

The Doctor splutters in protest and turns an even deeper shade of red. He turns to River who is still leaning against the countertop. “You,” he points his finger accusingly at her, “This is all your fault.”

“My fault?”

“Yes,” he nods emphatically, crossing his arms across his bare chest and trying to look foreboding as it was possible to look when only half dressed, “We had a nice evening planned. The four of us. A double date. And then, you arrived with-,” he gestures vaguely at her, “Well. With all-. Looking like that and now here we are.”

River ignores his attempts at glaring and simply laughs. She puts the champagne and glasses down on the side and slinks towards him, her hips swaying. She runs her hands up his chest and winds them around his neck.

“I’m sorry, my love,” she coos in a tone that suggests she isn’t really very sorry at all. She leans in closer and whispers in his ear. “Shall I make it up you?”

He swallows heavily, his arms having already uncrossed themselves and somehow found themselves settling on her hips. “Well,” he mumbles, “It is my birthday after all.”

Her answering laugh is muffled as he kisses her once more.

--

#river song #river x eleven #riverdoctorpromptweek #my fic #lmao this totally turned into tenuous pwp so I apologise #I am also doing no work this week bc of these prompts #rip my thesis

[spookyboywhump]

Death

Oh boy here we are. Here’s what I have to present for the @summer-of-whump day 12 prompt Death, aka, the prompt that made me want to take on this challenge. I feared I wouldn’t be done with it today but he we are, with that sweet sweet emotional whump

CW: Parental death, sibling death, child abuse, verbal abuse, suicidal ideation, brief mention of deadnaming, all of it is under a cut because Eli’s mom starts off mean right away

***

“You know, for a long time, we thought you were going to be stupid.”

Eli looked up from the paper he was working on, taking a moment to process what his mother had just said. She usually didn’t talk to him much when he came to visit, ever since Everett had stopped coming she’d gotten even colder towards him. He spent most of his time working on homework in between getting her anything he could and doing favors for her, especially with finals coming up fast. He put down his pencil, sitting up straighter in the chair he sat in beside her bed.

“Why… why do you say that…?”

“You didn’t talk when you were little. I don’t think you did until you were three or four, no matter what we tried. We started to think you would never learn.”

“I talked to Everett…” He didn’t have a lot of memories that far back, but he remembered babbling away to Everett, and going silent when his parents were around. According to his brother, his first word had been an attempt at saying his name, but it came out as “Ev’ett”. He shorted it to Ev to make it easier on Eli.

“That’s what he said too, but we never heard it. You didn’t start talking to us until just before your father left.” He resisted the urge to make a sad joke about driving him away.

“Oh… I don’t see how that could’ve meant I was stupid…” He muttered, looking down at his paper again.

“Clearly it didn’t. I was so relieved that you turned out smart. Your brother tried his best but he was never really good at school, not the way you are.”

“I… thanks…?” He wasn’t sure if it was exactly a compliment or not, it was always hard to tell with her.

“Speaking of your brother,” She said, and he tried to hide the pain on his face when she turned to look at him, “Have you heard from him…?” She asked, sounding hopeful, and it broke his heart.

“No, I’m sorry…” He said softly. She looked even more upset, and he felt sick with guilt. He knew what happened to Everett, of course he knew, he hadn’t been able to stop thinking about it since he’d heard the news, but he couldn’t bring himself to tell his mom the truth. He didn’t know what it would do to her, to hear that her favorite son was dead.

“I wish he were here…”

“I do too.” He wished that more than anybody else, he would’ve given anything to have Everett there. He felt like he needed him more than ever now that he was gone. He felt worse and worse when he looked at her, she looked sick and upset all the time, she was sick, and he couldn’t imagine what she must’ve been feeling, not knowing where Everett was. Eli had been wrestling with it ever since he found out, he didn’t know if it was better or worse to keep the truth to himself.

“He was always easier to talk to than you.” She said, a bitter edge to her voice that made his heart sink. He opened his mouth but didn’t have anything to say, his hand clenching into a fist. “I wish he were here. Whatever happened to him, it should’ve been you.” She said, giving him a look of pure disdain. “I’d trade you for him in a heartbeat.”

He didn’t say anything at first, stunned into silence, frozen in place as her words sunk in.

It should’ve been you.

You should be dead, not him.

She’s right.

He stood up abruptly, grabbing his things and furiously shoving them into his backpack. He was shaking, a wave of anger washing over him.

“Fine.” He said, hardly even in control of what he said. “I don’t need to be here then.” He slung his backpack over his shoulder, not even looking at her as he left. She was calling his name- not his name, it had been changed for two years now and she still didn’t bother, which only made him angrier. She didn’t sound apologetic, just irritated, which drove him away quicker, storming out of the room and leaving the hospital.

He was shaking with anger as he waited at the bus stop, he couldn’t remember the last time she’d pissed him off this much. It likely wasn’t even that long ago, but this seemed to have finally crossed a line, being the worst thing she’d said to him thus far. He couldn’t brush it off, the words felt like a weight on his shoulders, It should’ve been you.

The bus ride home was a blur, lost in his own miserable thoughts. He was getting more and more upset the longer he dwelled on it, and by the time he got home he was slamming the front door behind him, doing the same when he walked into his bedroom, throwing his backpack on his bed so hard it smacked against the wall. At least he didn’t have anything valuable in there.

He dropped onto his desk chair, taking his phone from his pocket. A part of him still desperately hoped he’d check it and see Everett’s name pop up, but of course there wasn’t anything. He dropped his phone onto the desk and tested his elbows on it, burying his face in his hands. For once he was so mad he couldn’t even cry, which was extremely rare for him. He just sat there, trembling, trying and failing to calm down.

She’s right. She’s right. It’s should’ve been me, I shouldn’t be here, I don’t fucking deserve to be here.

After some time he grabbed his backpack, pulling out half finished papers and a textbook, trying to distract himself. It wasn’t helping as much as he wanted, but it was still better than nothing. He just needed time to calm down, he knew that. He got mad at his mom all the time, but after a day or two he’d be over it, or at least, too tired to care anymore, and then he’d be able to go back, and the cycle would repeat.

He knew it wasn’t his best work as he did it, but at least it was mind numbing enough he finally stopped shaking. He took a quick break from it after a few hours, wandering around the small apartment, searching through the kitchen for something to eat. He didn’t find anything, and he tried to tell himself he wasn’t hungry anyway, eventually returning to his room.

The words didn’t leave the back of his mind but as the hours passed he grew more and more numb to them, filing them away with the rest of the hurtful things she’d said to him. Disappointment, unwanted, annoying, needy, “Should’ve been you”. He could imagine how angry Everett would’ve been to hear that, he would’ve comforted him, he would’ve spoken to their mother about it. It wouldn’t have fixed anything, but at least he cared.

Eli considered himself an atheist, but he found himself wondering if there was some sort of afterlife the way some people talked about it, about loved ones watching over you. He wondered if such a thing existed, and if it did, if Everett had heard that. He almost hoped not, he didn’t need to be worrying over Eli anymore. There wasn’t anything he could do now anyway.

It was late that night, he was only still awake because he knew trying to go to bed would make everything come back, make him feel even worse. At some point his phone rang, causing him to jump, startled by the sound. Nobody ever called him but Everett and their mom, he didn’t recognize the number immediately but he answered anyway with a hesitant, “H-hello…?”

Whatever he was expecting to hear, it wasn’t what the person told him. In fact he seemed to only pick up on the important parts, everything else drowned out by the pounding of his own heart.

”She’s not doing well”... “Should come say goodbye”... “best to do so as soon as possible…”

He wanted to say that was impossible. She was fine when he left that afternoon, there was no way her condition could’ve gotten that bad that quickly. No, it wasn’t impossible, there had been a scare before, but that’s all it was, just a scare, something she recovered from. Surely she’d recover from this too, right? She’d recover and they would go back to having a tense relationship. A part of him felt tempted to go though, just in case.

“Whatever happened to him, it should’ve been you.”

“I can’t.” He blurted out. He didn’t have a reason for it, while he was typically good at lying he was at a complete loss here. “I can’t.” He repeated, and without waiting for them to respond, he hung up, sitting there as silence settled over him. He was shaking again, he realized, and he set his phone down on the desk, taking a slow, shuddering breath.

He couldn’t do it right now. He knew he couldn’t see her without breaking down completely, without snapping and starting a fight. Quite honestly though, he didn’t want to see her anyway. He usually minimized the things she said to him, brushed them off and told himself they weren’t that bad but this was bad. She didn’t know what happened to Everett, she couldn’t have known what she was saying, but still, when she said the words “it should’ve been you” all he heard was “you should be dead.”

He knew that she was right. He agreed completely. But that didn’t make it easier on him, and that didn’t make him anymore inclined to see her in what may be her final moments.

He stayed right there all night, sitting cross legged in his desk chair, tense and angry and upset. The sun was rising and he was still sitting there, knowing he should be at the hospital, knowing he should be more worried than he actually was.

It was exactly 7:32 a.m. when his phone rang again. He was numb when he answered it, and deep down he already knew what he was going to hear.

”I’m so sorry”... “We did everything we could”... “She’s passed away.”

***

It seemed as if he had shut down, because the reality of her death didn’t hit him until months later. By that point he’d started working, moved into a new, nicer apartment, he didn’t have to rely on his father anymore which meant they never spoke.

I’m completely alone.

He was laying in bed, staring up blankly at his ceiling. He still hasn’t unpacked most of his things, the room was filled with boxes. He really only had his bed and his desk, his clothes, and his important stuffed animals. His apartment was silent, the walls were thicker in this building so he couldn’t hear every little thing going on around him.

I don’t have any family. Any friends. Just myself.

He clutched his shark close in one arm, and the other hand tightly gripped his blanket. Tears welled up in his eyes, all the pain and grief he’d bottled up since Everett’s death finally overflowing.

I’m all alone.

My family is dead.

It should’ve been me.

#whump #my writing #summerofwhump12 #my oc’s #Wren #parental death tw #sibling death tw #child abuse tw #verbal abuse tw #suicidal ideation

[crowdedimagines]

Girl Next Door - Harry Styles

over 4k!! 💖 this ended up longer than i thought it would be, but i really didn’t want to break it up into two parts. hope you guys enjoy!

Harry was not in a good mood as of late. He was cranky at the world, which wasn’t very like himself and he was bored of doing nothing. Not even moving to a brand new house in Malibu brought him joy. Jeff noticed him feeling down a little, and was confused by it. The album was officially out and doing very well, now he’s just got a few months until he can start touring.

So he’s taken to moping around his house. Instead of going out, meeting new people, and experiencing new things, like Jeff had hoped would happen, Harry has yet to leave his home. It’s been a few weeks in his new place, still not fully used to the new surroundings.

He definitely wasn’t used to the view. His old home had a nice view, but this one is unmatched. The soft sun casting a warm haze over everything as the nights grow later. The ocean stretches for miles until it hits the horizon. Harry sat in his backyard with a lonely guitar in his lap, he stomped strumming new tunes a while ago.

A loud knock from somewhere far inside the house pulls him from his trance. He leans his guitar against his chair. His bare feet pad against the floor as he makes his way to his front door.

He swings the door open just as another knock starts.

“Oh sorry! I wasn’t sure if anyone was home!” The girl smiles, she drops her raised arm and offers him a warm smile. She tucks her hair behind her ear, her energy is bright and shiny and it makes Harry feel nauseous.

“Can I help you?” Harry leans against the door a little, trying to hint that he wasn’t in the mood for guests.

“I just wanted to say hi! I don’t know if you’ve seen, but I live next door. I noticed you move in a few weeks ago, but I wanted to give you time to settle.”

“Are you on the welcoming committee or sumthin?” Harry mumbles, squinting his eyes to look at her face. He’s struggling to pay much attention right now. He just plainly doesn’t care to.

“We don’t have a committee.” She rolls her eyes but lets out a laugh, “But, I did want to welcome you.”

“Thanks.” Harry starts to close the door a little.

“I’m sorry, did I come at a bad time?” Without even thinking she peeks around behind him to see if he has any guests, which she’s sure he doesn’t. Since moving in, there’s hardly been any activity at all. You would think a ghost lives here.

“Not at all, just not in the mood to entertain a teenage girl tonight I guess.” Harry says, finally letting his sour attitude out.

“Excuse me?” She asks, shocked and somewhat appalled. She didn’t know what she expected coming over, but at least a small amount of kindness seemed to be a given. “What’s crawled up your ass?”

She crosses her arms over her chest, if he’s not going to play nice she isn’t either. Harry lets out a laugh, he doesn’t even care that she’s mad. It’s funny. It’s trivial to him.

“R’ya finished?” He finally looks up at her face again to see she seems to be turning a little red with anger. “Did you give your little speech?”

“Seriously, what is wrong with you?” She rolls her eyes one last time before turning around and walking down his front path. Muttering ‘such an asshole’ to herself as she goes. She doesn’t even look back for a second, she continues her stomp.

Harry shuts the door once she’s out of sight and returns to his guitar, not giving it another thought. He doesn’t give her another thought for a few days. Jeff made it his mission to get him out of the house so they went out for lunch. Harry decided he wanted to drive his beloved Dino with the top down, it’s a sunny day. That car is one of the few things that still is bringing him joy right now.

They pull into Harry’s neighborhood, he needs to drop Jeff back off at his car which is in the driveway. As they get closer Harry notices someone running at a quick pace. It’s the girl again, her hair pulled back into a ponytail and her outfit switched out for a pair of shorts and a sports bra.

“What’s that look about?” Jeff asks, noticing the glare the girl was giving them as they drove past.

“Nothing. Just the neighbor.” Harry shrugs, pulling into his driveway and throwing his car in park.

“She’s not just the neighbor. Do you know who that is?” Jeff turns to look at his friend, surprised at his complete obliviousness. “That was Y/n Y/Ln. She’s an actress.”

“Never heard of her.” Harry mumbles, picking at his bottom lip.

“Well you must’ve, she’s practically a household name. Well off enough to have a house in your neighborhood, that should say something. I think her house might be bigger than yours too.”

Harry rolls his eyes at that, Jeff probably trying to get a rise out of him. He opens his door and steps out, Jeff close behind. He follows him into Harry’s house. Apparently their afternoon together isn’t over.

“Have you talked to her yet?”

“Yeah, she came over a few days ago.” Harry walks to his kitchen to get himself a glass of water.

“She was here?” Jeff smirks.

“Yeah, wanted to welcome me to the neighborhood, I practically shut the door in her face.” Harry relives the memory, it just hitting him how rude he was.

“Well what’d you do that for?”

Harry simply shrugs, not wanting to think too much into it. It’s just been the mood he’s been in lately. It’s what has friends and family so worried. Harry is always kind and warm, but lately he’s been quite the opposite and no one can explain it. He’s never felt more lonely in his life, yet he doesn’t welcome guests. Harry himself doesn’t even get it.

“Well, I’ve got to go. I have a few more meetings today, but let me know if you want to hang out again. I’m sure Glenne would love to have you over for dinner soon.”

“Sounds great.”

Harry waves over his shoulder to his close friend as he climbs the stairs to his room. He hears the door shut and lets out a sigh.

Harry has rarely felt like this in his life. When he has felt this depression it’s never lasted this long, usually only coming in bursts. Lately, it’s consumed him completely, and he’s afraid to admit he might need help. He just feels lonely all the time, and it’s better to plan on being alone than to be let down by someone. That’s how Harry has been living his life now.

Against his better judgement he reaches for his laptop once he’s in his room and googles the girl next door’s name. Thousands of articles, interviews, and accolades pop up, not to mention her list of movies.

He watches a few interviews, and it pains him that she seems genuinely nice and funny. He knows it’s true if she was willing to show up to the neighbors and welcome him. She’s also not as young as he originally thought, in her early twenties and so many things accomplished.

One interview leads to another until his whole Youtube suggestions are all of her. Harry’s sure that he’s seen every interview she’s ever done, dating back years.

By the time he starts putting on her movies, it’s completely dark out, but he can’t stop. He’s compelled to know more. She’s enchanting, the way she acts pulls you in. You want to laugh with her. You want to cry with her.

He simply grins watching her bite back a smile, or throwing her head back in a loud laugh. He still doesn’t truly know her, but for one night at least she made him feel a little less lonely.

The next day Harry wakes up later than he usually does. He was up too late watching flicks that all starred her. He gets up and makes his morning smoothie, and takes it out on his balcony, way later than his usual routine would permit. He closes his eyes, soaking in the sun, his attention being pulled to the left when he hears a splash.

Y/n.

She’s swimming in her pool. Swimming laps, occasionally stopping to reach for her water bottle which sits at the edge of the pool. Harry’s never noticed the view from his balcony, he can see over the tall fence they share.

Harry has to focus to pull his gaze from her, and focus on the book in his hands. He stands no chance once she decides to get out of the pool. Water glistening, the sun beating down making her look like a goddess. Now he can actually take in her black bikini.

She reaches for a towel, but something pulls her attention to the house next door. She can feel eyes on her. She noticed the rude man, who she knows is Harry Styles, his face turning red from being caught.

His eyes start skimming over the lines in his book, not even trying to comprehend them just trying to look like that had been all he was doing. Out of his peripheral vision he notices her walk back inside her house and he can breath again.

Harry doesn’t stay up late at night after that, still becoming more well known with her work, but not affecting his routine. He doesn’t want her to catch him again, made him feel like a creep watching her swim a few days ago.

After a while Harry decides to go in and try to do something somewhat productive with his day for once. He decides to make bread, something he really hasn’t done in a long time. It takes him a while to find a recipe he likes, getting distracted with making himself lunch and writing down potential song lyrics, and running around the house for other things. After a few hours he has a few loaves of bread.

It takes a bit of back and forth with himself before he decides he wants to bring some over to her. A way of an apology. A small way to ask for forgiveness for being an ass. And a chance for him to talk to the girl he’s grown to obsess over the past few days.

He has to shake it out as he walks up her driveway, her house is really nice. Even though they’re right next to each other with the trees and the fence he hasn’t been able to see much. He climbs up a few steps and presses on her doorbell before he can second guess himself.

Her door is fully glass, letting him see a portion of her house, he notices her taking quick steps from farther back in her house. Once she sees who's on the other side her steps slow. Regardless, she pulls the door open.

Her hair is in loose messy waves, like she was at the beach all day. It’s less professional than what he’s seen in interviews, but he likes it. It’s like he’s gotten to see her some way that few do.

“Can I help you?” She doesn’t bother putting on a smile, and Harry can’t even blame her. He didn’t even deserve her opening the door. Although the all glass part would make it awkward for her to see him and then walk away.

“I made some bread.” Harry bursts out, not even uttering a hello.

“And?”

“And I was wondering if you would like some. I made too much for just me.” Harry reaches out the ziploc bag with the bread in it towards her. She hesitantly takes it.

“Why?” Her eyes never falter, holding steady on his.

“Well I just told you-”

“Yeah, but that’s bullshit.” Y/n laughs, getting straight to the point. “You were an ass to me not even a week ago and now you’re bringing me homemade bread. So what’s your deal, do you feel guilty or something?”

“I do.” Harry admits, “I could give you the excuse that I haven’t felt like myself in a really long time and I’ve felt a little depressed and completely alone lately and that I’ve been lashing out on others, which is true, but all I wanted to say is that I’m sorry.”

Harry starts to take a few steps back, he said his apology and if she doesn’t want to accept it then he would have to learn to live with it.

Y/n bites on her lip as she debates with herself. He was an ass, she had almost completely written him off, but she’s had her bad days and no one should have to be judged off of one moment.

“Come on.” She opens the door wider, leaving it open for him to follow.

“Are you serious?” He asks, following her anyway.

“You just said you’re lonely, didn’t you?”

She leads to her kitchen to put away the bread before they make their way to the living room. She sits down on one end of the couch, crossing her legs to face him. Harry mimics her actions, looking around the unfamiliar house.

“So what’s going on?” She picks up a mug from the table which is next to a book. Enjoying her evening reading before she was interrupted by him.

“I just feel like I haven’t got anything to do. I’ve finished my album, and I just need to wait a few months until the tour. I’ve already done the promo, and I just feel bored and alone.”

“What? So you’ve got no hobbies? Other than watching me swim laps in my pool.” She smirks setting her mug back down. Harry’s face heats up, turning an obvious shade of pink.

“Other than that, no.” He sputters out, “It was only the one time, and it wasn’t intentional, I swear! I had just never noticed that I could see your yard so well from my balcony.”

“It’s alright.” She smiles. “So what about friends or bandmates? Aren’t they playing the waiting game just like you?”

“Yeah, they are, but most of them spend this time with family since we’ll be on tour for months at a time after this.”

“Why aren’t you doing that?”

“I just wanted to be able to be in one place. Plus they both work, so I don’t want to go sit at my moms all by myself all day. I think it would be just as bad.” Harry explains, Y/n just nods as she listens.

“Do you want some tea?” Y/n asks as she gets up, grabbing her mug on the way.

Harry nods, following her to the kitchen. She puts the kettle on the stove, grabbing a second mug out of one of her cabinets. She pulls herself on the counter while they wait, Harry does the same with some hesitancy.

“I think that you should do everything that you won't be able to do once you’re on tour.” She explains.

“What do you mean?” Harry looks to her confused.

“All of the things you won't have time for once you’re in a new city every night.” She jumps off the counter once the kettle lets out a high pitched whistle. “Like go get a new tattoo, or ten. Go on a date. Write a new song to surprise the fans with on tour. Fill as much of your time now, so you won’t regret it when your schedule is packed later.”

Y/n hands him a mug and they walk back to the couch.

“That’s kind of a brilliant idea.” Harry admits.

“I know.” Y/n grins, “I’m kind of brilliant.”

Harry lets out a laugh and rolls his eyes.

“And maybe if you aren’t already, try therapy. It can really help.”

Harry takes her words into consideration. He’s gone on and off, never consistently, because he’s never had a consistent schedule.

They stay up until it grows dark out and they’ve talked for hours. They exchange phone numbers so now they can call each other before randomly showing up on each other’s door steps. Harry also enlists Y/n to help him fill his time since she has some spare time right now because she’s between movies.

They grow a little closer every time they hang out. For over a week straight they hang out everyday. Jeff sees a noticeable difference in Harry when he pays him a visit. He’s got his glow back, and a friendly grin on his face.

“Alright, what gives? Did you get laid or something?” Jeff teases.

“No!” Harry shakes his head with a laugh, putting down his phone and giving Jeff his full attention.

“You seem...better.” Jeff struggles to find the right word.

“I feel better, I’ve been hanging out with Y/n all week.”

“Ahhh, there it is.”

“No, we’re just friends.” Harry shakes his head, already trying to think of something to change the subject with because he knows that Jeff can see right through his bullshit.

“Right, just friends.”

“We are! She’s between films right now and we’re both just trying to keep ourselves entertained.”

Jeff leaves Harry’s house a few hours later, it takes him thirty seconds to call Y/n to see what she’s up to.

“Hello?”

“Hello, love.” Harry smiles hearing that she’s answered.

“Uhhh, hi!” Y/n says back.

“Are you alright, you sound stressed.” Harry comments, his brows furrow.

“I’m cooking.”

“Great, I’ll call the fire department.” Harry teases. Y/n being a bad cook didn’t take Harry long to figure out. She’s truly awful at it, with the worst luck.

“Shut up! Just get your ass over here and help out.”

Neither Harry or Y/n have grown so comfortable with someone in this short of time span. It was bound to happen with both of them needing entertainment, Harry more so than her. They found new things to do most days, or just found contentment in each other’s presence.

Harry makes his way over, letting himself in when he gets there. Y/n has music playing loudly, at least four different pans going at once, not to mention all the things she’s trying to get done at the kitchen island.

She moves her hips with the song as she sings along, not completely focused on cutting the vegetables. Harry simply leans on the archway entrance to the room taking in the sight. One that’s quickly become one of his favorites.

“Hey!” She grins looking up at him, finally noticing him.

“Hey.” He walks closer and presses a kiss to her temple before taking over on the things she was not giving a fair amount of attention to.

“What would you do without me love?” Harry asks, teasing, while turning down the heat on a few things.

“Order in.” She teases right back. Something their relationship has plenty of room for is humor.

After a while longer, they settle in and eat their meal, which turns out better than either of them would have imagined.

“D’ya wanna go for a drive?” Harry asks, taking both of their plates and walking towards the sink.

“Sure!”

They walk back to Harry’s house so he can drive, of course taking out the Dino. Harry pulls out of the driveway and they make their way to the Pacific Coast Highway.

Y/n pulls her hair back into a pony, remembering how her hair gets whipped around when the top is down in the car.

“That was a good idea, love.” He comments, noticing her hair is no longer flying in every which direction. Harry’s longer curls on the other hand keep coming forward and hitting him in the face.

“I know, it was such a great idea I even remembered one for you.” She pulls the second hair tie off her wrist and ties the top half of his hair into a little sprout of a ponytail on the top of his head. Harry feels a slight blush while she ties up his hair for him.

“Thanks, love.” He grins.

It makes Harry feel warm inside, the smallest gestures. The fact that Y/n remembered that his hair bothers him too sometimes and she thought to grab another tie for him. She doesn’t even know what she did is making his heart swell, her hand just floating out the window with the wind.

Harry pulls off when they find a lookout spot. The view is different from the one they have at their homes, but just as nice. The sun setting low, causing the sky to fill with a pinkish orange color.

“Who could ever get used to this?” Y/n asks, fully taking in the sight in front of her. She gets out of the car and sits down on the hood, simply looking back at him over her shoulder, “Are you gonna join me or what?”

She doesn’t need to ask Harry twice. He joins her on the hood, his legs stretching out in front of him.

“This past week has been the best one I’ve had in a long time, Y/n.” Harry admits, changing his view to her face.

“Me too, Harry.” She smiles.

“Can I take you on a date, Y/n?” Harry asks, surprising them both equally.

“What?” She turns to look at him. Her question both to make sure she heard him correctly and to also give him an out in case he didn’t mean what he just blurted.

“Can I take you on a date? It was one of the things you listed to do, and there’s no one else I would want to go on a date with other than you.”

“Oh.” Y/n responds, she turns away for a second so she can think. Obviously she wants to go on a date with him, but the whole point was for him to do things that he won’t be able to do for months. If she says yes to this date and grows attached she could very well be dumped in two months or have to attempt long distance. Is Harry worth that?

“I would love to go on a date, Harry.” Y/n smiles, turning back to face him. His eyes never left her face. He wasn’t even nervous, just excited to pursue this relationship.

“Okay good, because I don’t know if I could take another movie night without being able to cuddle you.” Harry sighs, pulling Y/n into his chest.

They sit like that for a while, until the sun is far below the horizon and the breeze starts to get cold. They make it back to Y/n’s house, Harry parks in the driveway and walks her to the front door.

“So, when are you taking me on that date?” She teases, leaning against her front door slightly. Trapped between it and Harry.

“Hmm, tomorrow too soon?” Harry smirks.

“No, I was probably going to have plans with you anyway.” Y/n smiles.

“Good, I don’t want to wait much long to kiss you.” Harry takes a small step closer.

“Well, what’s stopping you right now?”

“Y/n, kisses before the first date?” Harry feigns shock, letting his jaw drop while Y/n throws her head back in a laugh.

“She does, but you can’t tell anyone.”

“I promise.”

After that Y/n pulls Harry in closer to close the distance. The kiss is soft and warm. Inviting them both to extend it, opening their mouths wider. Inviting each other to know each other more intimately. Y/n’s arms wrap around his neck while Harry’s tighten on her waist.

Eventually they pull up for oxygen, smiling like teenagers after their first kiss.

“I’ll see you tomorrow?” Y/n asks, unlocking her door and walking in.

“I will see you tomorrow.” Harry nods, a little dopey. High off of her lips.

“Goodnight, Harry.” She smirks, letting the door shut a little more.

“Goodnight, Y/n.”

hope y’all loved that because it was cuteeeeee 🤩

#harry styles imagine #harry styles x reader #Harry Styles

[thepancakeboi]

124. “You seem like a friendly face, mind if I sit with you?”

When I had walked into one of the many cafes in Shibuya for lunch, I had not expected the visit to be anything noteworthy. I was going to get something quick to eat and leave just as quickly. That is until I looked around the place. It’s never been a very crowded cafe, even at its busiest. It’s one of the hidden little gems Ann had shown me a few months ago that I’ve started frequenting somewhat regularly. But, at one of the tables closest to me, I see Ann herself sitting with someone. The other person, probably a friend of Ann’s, is unfamiliar to me. I decide to approach them, greeting them as I say, “Hello, Ann.”

Ann’s face lights up as she replies, “Oh, hey Goro!”

It’s days like these when I’m glad I have her as a friend. She was the first of Ren’s friends to accept me for who I am. Once she found out that I did, in fact, have a sweet tooth despite saying otherwise, she constantly dragged me with her to have whatever dessert she fancied that day. I’ve grown to genuinely enjoy her company. Even if I already know the answer, I ask, “What are you doing here?”

“We’re gonna get some cake! Can you believe she hasn’t had the cake here? If I had known you weren’t busy, I would’ve asked you to come too!”

“That’s all right.” I turn my head to look at the person Ann’s with. She has short black hair that fluffs out a bit. The rest of her face is obscured, her head turned as if to avoid making eye contact with me. Compared to Ann’s vibrant outfit, this girl’s is much more subdued. Even so, her long-sleeved gray top that exposes her shoulders and the black skirt seem to suit her, for some reason. I wonder why I haven’t met this girl until now. I look back to Ann as I remark, “I don’t think you’ve introduced me to your friend. What’s her name?”

“Ah! The name. Um...it’s Akira! Akira Kurusu.”

“It’s a pleasure to meet, Kurusu-san. You seem like a friendly face, mind if I sit with you?” The girl only shakes her head in response, not even looking up at me. Her reticent attitude gives me pause. I didn’t mean to offend her. “My apologies. Did I say something wrong?”

“No no! Sit down,” Ann says reassuringly. I sit down in a chair between the two girls as Ann stammers, trying to explain Akira’s behavior. “Uh, it’s just...that...she...she’s a huge fan of yours! Yeah. And we didn’t think we’d be seeing you.” She laughs awkwardly as she finishes, twirling a lock of hair in her fingers.

“Oh? I’m honored,” I reply, pulling out my typical TV-perfect smile that’s as fake as the personality it belongs to. Even if Ann knows that I’m very much unlike my detective prince facade, Akira likely doesn’t know that. I figure it’s best to keep up that pretense around her. “Most people seemed to forget my name after the Phantom Thieves incident ended. So, how do you two know each other?”

“I, uh, met her at one of my photoshoots! She’s wanted to be a model for a loooong time.”

“A model? I’m certain you’ll do well in the industry. You have the looks befitting a model.” Akira still doesn’t look at me, her gaze glued to her hands in her lap. Her nails are painted black, and I think I can see her blushing? Or perhaps it’s makeup. Either is possible, all things considered. She is rather flat-chested for a model, but there is nothing wrong with th-okay, why am I even noticing this? I really hope she didn’t catch me looking. After a few seconds of silence, I turn to Ann, who didn’t seem to notice my earlier gaze. My voice is hushed as I gently ask, “Are you sure she’s okay?”

“Yeah, she’s fine. She’s really shy at first.” Ann doesn’t seem too surprised at her friend’s behavior. Maybe it’s normal for Akira. Ann seems to remember something as she quickly adds, “But she does talk about you a lot!”

“Is that so?”

“Mhmm! I don’t think she’d be able to stop talking about you. She goes on and on about how great you are.”

The laugh I give, while mostly fake, is a somewhat genuine one. “Surely, you exaggerate.”

“Nope. We went to get crepes, and once she found out you were my friend, she talked about you the whole time.”

“I see. Well, a friend of Ann’s is a friend of mine,” I say, looking over at Akira. She’s still staring at her hands as she fiddles nervously with the chain attached to her skirt. Hold on, why am I still noticing these little details? That thought gets shoved aside. Right now, I need to find out what exactly is making Akira act so quiet around me. Is she perhaps intimidated due to my former popularity? If that’s what the problem is, I need to try and get her to open up to me somehow, get her to see that I’m not as unapproachable as she thinks. Well, not unapproachable due to being the detective prince, that is. I doubt someone like her would be comfortable around my true self. “It’s all right. You don’t have to be shy around me. You and Ann are probably much more popular than me.”

“Oh, don’t say that! You’re the second detective prince. Even she knew about you after being in Tokyo for only a couple of months.”

“You’re not from here?” Akira shakes her head, starting to play with the chain hanging off her black choker. I can’t see much of her face, but I think I see a smile starting to form. At least she seems to be more at ease, even if she hasn’t said a word thus far. “Are you enjoying Tokyo so far?” A nod this time. “How long have you lived here? Or are you just visiting?”

“She’s been here for about two years now,” Ann says for Akira. “Likes it so much better than home.”

“In that case, perhaps I know the area where you’re living? I’ve been to a lot of places in Tokyo.” As I finish my comment, Akira’s chest starts to heave. Is she...laughing? What a strange girl. It’s clear she’s trying to hold her laughter in as if she doesn’t want anyone to hear it. I don’t understand. What’s so funny about what I just said? “Kurusu-san? Are you all right?”

Akira finally looks up at me with brilliant gray eyes accentuated by a lot of makeup: eyeliner, pink eyeshadow, and even a little black heart under her left eye. Her gaze is sharp, and it feels like she’s staring right into my soul. It almost reminds me of- Wait a minute. I get a closer look at the person sitting next to me. I recognize those eyes. My own eyes narrow instantly as I drop the detective prince act entirely.

“You.”

“Akira” gives me a lopsided smile, their identity finally revealed to me. I know exactly who this person is. “Hi, Akeppi~” the “girl” who is none other than my boyfriend, Ren Amamiya, says before quickly kissing me. His lips, I notice, are covered with lipstick, and the blush I had noticed earlier was indeed a lot of makeup. Now that I know exactly who this is, I understand why I was so drawn to the mysterious person next to me. I allow myself to notice that he’s wearing black thigh highs over fishnet tights. Well, I suppose this being Ren explains the flat-chestedness observation from earlier. “Are you enjoying yourself, staring at me?”

My eyes dart up upon hearing his question, seeing the devious look in his eyes. Damn it, did he notice earlier then...? I groan, “Shut up. Just...explain. Now.”

“We didn’t mean to trick you!” Ann says, trying not to giggle now that the charade is done. “I just wanted to see if Ren could pass off as a girl, and he let me dress him up.”

“It must’ve worked if even Akeppi didn’t notice,” Ren says as he scoots his chair closer so that he can hug me. So much for that reserved personality from before. “You should’ve seen the look on your face when you realized it was me.”

“You are a menace,” I snap, trying to pry his arms off of me with no success.

“Yup! But I’m your menace.”

“Damn you both.”

Ann and Ren both laugh at that. I wouldn’t be surprised if they had been trying to hold it in during the entire conversation. How they made it so long without laughing, I have no idea. Despite how annoyed I am that I fell for their spur-of-the-moment prank, I can’t help but join in, chuckling under my breath. Their laughter is infectious. Well, at least they’re enjoying themselves.

“This was fun, Ann,” Ren comments after he’s had his fill of laughing at my expense. “We should do this again.”

“For sure!” she replies. “We could try another style and see how it looks.”

“Wait, I have an idea. You should do Akeppi next time,” Ren suggests, a mischievous glint in his eyes.

“Oh, that would be amazing!” Ann immediately looks at me, her excitement at the prospect all too obvious. “Can I? Please?”

“Not a chance,” I snap, refusing to entertain this latest scheme of theirs. “Ren may have agreed to it, but I’m not Ren.”

“Come on, please?” Ann looks at me, doe-eyed, pleading with me to allow her request. “At least let me do your hair and paint your nails.”

“Fine,” I groan. I can put up with that much, I suppose. They both grin simultaneously, sharing a quick glance. Something tells me I should be concerned about what they’re plotting, but I can deal with that later. “So, are you both actually planning on having cake, or was that as much a lie as Ren being a girl named Akira Kurusu?”

“Oh, yeah! That was true. Do you want some too, Goro?”

“I don’t think I’ll have much of a choice, considering someone probably won’t let go of me.” I pointedly look at Ren as I say this, who is still hugging me, might I add.

“No~” he hums as he tightens his hold, confirming that much for me.

“Well, in that case, I suppose I’ll have some cake. If it’s as delicious as it was last time, then I look forward to it.”

We talk for a while longer while eating cake, Ann having more than enough pieces for the both of us. How she can eat so many sweets with no problem, I have no idea. Eventually, we part ways with Ann, Ren holding onto me the entire way home like a cute, clingy girlfriend head-over-heels in love with me. That is a mental image I never thought I would apply to my own life. I can’t help but affectionately ruffle Ren’s hair, the action earning me a jubilant grin. I truly am blessed to have both Ren and Ann in my life.

Prompt source

#akeppi writes #p5 #persona 5 #p5r #persona 5 royal #goro akechi #akechi #ren amamiya #akira kurusu #ann takamaki #akeshu #shuake #writing prompt #I HAVE CREATED SEROTONIN #happy april fools day everyone

[avengers-fics]

The Island

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x reader

Summary: You own a safe house designated for the avengers. A couple years ago they all came to visit. Little did they know, Bucky had won his way into your heart. 

Warning: none

Word Count: 2.3k

2020

The hot sun beats down, beads of sweat begin to form on your forehead. With a swish of your hand you wipe away the droplets that drip down your forehead. Pruning and planting the different crops for spring always took time, but that was all you had to do on your little island. That, and think about the love of your life and the hands that planted this garden in the early fall time. Thinking of the memory of your butt planted in a beach chair while watching his bent over frame in the garden boxes, planting strawberries and various greens.

A slight buzz in your beach bag catches your attention and you think nothing of it; most likely a news notification regarding the recent breakout. After hearing another ping, something in your gut tells you to check it. Walking through the thick sand surrounding your house, you bend over to retrieve your cell phone and realize that the buzzing continues from the second pocket. The emergency phone that hasn’t gone off in a few months is now alive with sound, and with your stomach dropping into your toes; you answer.

“Need any groceries?” Natalia’s familiar tone gives you friendly butterflies in your stomach, as she is one of your longest friends. You hadn’t heard her voice since Thanos had ruined the planet with the snap of his fingers. It was almost a relief to hear her raspy tone. Even then she didn’t want to bother you, or more likely find out if you had survived the initial snap (Which you did).

Without missing a beat, “Just pickles,” The familiar code for ‘the coast is clear’, “Maybe some vodka if you’re stopping.” You added with a smile. Nat happily said she would bring you a couple bottles, and with that she hung up the phone. After taking a shuddering breath, you tossed the phone back in your bag. This meant you had to make some rounds and change sheets in the different guest bedrooms, and actually wash the dishes in your sink. Your lab would be beyond happy to have some different but familiar faces around the little compound.

-

Seeing the familiar tiny red boat pull ashore that afternoon to your island always brought a smile to your face, along with the red head manning the small vessel. For the first time you noticed a few beefy men in tow, which made your eyebrows rise in surprise. Nat climbed ashore with a couple of manly hands held out to aid her. Then with the small boat anchored, the few men climbed ashore. Of course you knew who they all were, who wouldn't? At least she managed to bring some of the most well mannered men on the planet; all of which extended their hands in sync once reaching you on the shore. Steve introduced himself first, and he even kissed your cheek with a red hue on his own. Sam was a little more cocky in his introduction, but thanked you immensely for letting him stay there. Bucky was the last, and he was much more quiet and distant in his introduction than the rest. He took your hands in his, and then mimicked Steve and placed the gentlest kiss upon your cheek that made Sam and Nat furrow their brows. However, they didn’t say anything in fear for their lives.

After a moment of awkward silence, Natasha cut in. “We needed a safe house, desperately.” You nodded, almost prying for more. “There’s a little too much going on in the world...Virus and all. Tony got worried with all of us in New York or in the same Safe House at that.” She tucked her hands in her pocket, which was a cue for her that she was done talking. For as long as you had known her, it was almost impossible to get her to a point of being uncomfortable that she couldn’t talk anymore. So this situation had to be dire.

With the warmest smile you could offer up, you spoke to the group, “I understand, and you’re welcome here for as long as you need.” They all joined in a chorus of ‘thank yous’ but you interrupted with “As long as you’re willing to go to the grocery store for or with me.” In response Nat quickly walked back over to the boat, and grabbed a handful of reusable bags that contained at least $300 worth of groceries. “Well then, I’ll show you to your rooms.”

Throwing a dinner together for your guests was pretty easy since they all would eat anything you put on the plate in front of them. Steve was the one to strike up a conversation more than anybody else; asking how you came to get this land and when the house was built. Nat was just exhausted from navigating most of the way, and Sam must’ve been exhausted from nagging the whole time. Bucky, however, kept a cool distance from you across the dinner table. But he was the one who stayed to clean up dishes once everyone else went to bed, and even suggested you go to bed while he finished up downstairs. A smile graced your face and with a small wink you climbed the three flights of stairs to your master bedroom.

5:45 AM rolled around, and your alarm went off to get up and get ready for your 6 AM run around the island. The sunrise always brought a fresh breath of life to your lungs and soul. The island that you were lucky enough to live on, clocked in at around 4 miles round which was just the perfect running/walking mixture for your exercise credentials. Being on your own gave you a certain sense of freedom and happiness with the few trips to the grocery store that you made. While tying your sneakers, another person joined your presence downstairs in the island farmhouse. Bucky Barnes stood on the landing of the staircase, hair in a bun at the nape of his neck. He had a long sleeve shirt on that covered up to his wrists, leaving the metal arm to glimmer in the faint morning light. You had a sly smile on your lips with the thought of Nat teaching him how to tie his hair up in a small bun.

“What?” Bucky was also tying up his shoelaces, but caught a glimpse of your smile playing on your lips. The two of you were creatures of habit, and that meant getting up early in the day to work out so you had time for important stuff in the afternoon, like drinking. “Is there something wrong with my hair?” Bucky self consciously ran his flesh hand over his head.

You quickly jumped in, “Not at all! I could just tell Nat taught you to do that.” You grabbed the handle for the front door and looked at Bucky with a sympathetic look in your eyes, “Gonna run the same pace as me or outrun me today?” He laughed and agreed to keep pace with you. He was over a foot taller than you, which made you doubt his abilities to go your pace given the leg difference between the two of you.

The sun was only beginning to create a color show over the various mountains and islands surrounding your private island. Purple hues took over the sky and your heart. It always made you incredibly happy that you were able to reach this point in your life that you were able to live the life you had always dreamed of; quiet, and no one bothering you unless the situations were dire. Bucky’s strides were slower than normal to your left and even you could tell that, he wasn’t out of breath even when you were. Towards the end you always walked just to cool down and take in the cool morning breeze. Your black Labrador also joined during this morning ritual, which helped him settle during your afternoon activities.

After finishing the lap around the island, you sat down on one of the blue adirondack chairs you had perched on the beach. The paint was slightly peeling but every couple of years you repainted right over it, good as new. It was probably getting close to the time that required some more paint on the old, trusty chairs. Bucky carefully lowered himself into the chair next to you. With a slight sigh, he whispers as if to not disturb the sunrise still occuring. “Do you think Natalia knows about us?”

A laugh bubbles up into your chest as your hand reaches over and interlaces your fingers with Bucky’s. “I don’t think so baby.”

This had been occurring for the past 2 years, unbeknownst to the rest of the team. Neither of you really cared whether the rest of the team knew, maybe just Sam. The first time Nat had brought everyone to the island (By everyone, that means the WHOLE team and their significant others) over 2 years ago. There were so many dogs barking and beds squeaking that nobody had noticed you and Bucky on the front porch having a drink and learning everything about one another. He came to visit quite often after that, and no one really bothered to ask him where he was going.

The chairs in the sand were so close together that even if someone was to look out their bedroom windows and spot the two of you holding hands, you couldn’t quite tell what was happening. Steve was the only one with a bedroom that had a view over towards the sunrise, and you did that on purpose because you knew he wouldn’t say anything, and if he did it would have just been to Bucky. You adjusted in your chair so you could lean your head on his right shoulder, since his forearm was resting comfortably on your thigh. Bucky moved his head slightly just to kiss your sweaty forehead, and you could feel the smile on his lips. Bucky always smelled like eucalyptus and the scent stayed around your house even after he returned to his normal routine at the Avengers Compound. Your dog laid at both of your feet on the sand, comfortable as ever.

“I think we have to tell Tony eventually, especially since you wanna move here sometime in the near future.” You barely spoke above a whisper to him as you brought the back of his hand to your lips for a small kiss.

Bucky rested his cheek on the top of your head, watching the finishing sunrise. “I know, let this pandemic finish first before he realizes that he has to find another Avenger.” He giggled a little, and it brought a bubble of laughter up to your chest. “I just want to enjoy our privacy for now, before Sam realizes.” You nodded in agreement.

-

2019

Bucky had been introduced to you the year before, and somehow he managed to show up at your doorstep once a month. He claimed that it was his “vacation time”, even in the dead of winter, with snow piling up on your porch and an icy lake all around. The smile he donned melted a path right into your heart and you knew there was no way of falling out of love with Bucky Barnes. Most of the team was still under the impression that he was half psychotic; willing to snap at any time. But he was just the opposite. He was the most caring person you’d ever met in your life.

Bucky spent most of his time on your island helping with various projects that needed completing, whether it was fixing broken floor boards or sealing the shed against snow. You watched him get bundled up in overalls, glove only on his flesh hand and a fuzzy hat that he didn’t realize had cat ears on top, and trek outside to shovel a pathway to the shed that contained a few important items. Not to mention the chilly nights you spent with the window cracked, bundled up and a shirtless Bucky sleeping in the kingsize bed next to you.

Everytime he showed up on the porch, he claimed he took a leave of absence for some quiet time. But the time he spent on your island was anything but quiet. Making meals required any kind of music playing and hips swaying. His thumbs made impressions on your hips while you leaned to grab different seasonings from the spice rack, and a deep blush would form on your cheeks.

Late in the evenings it would just be the sound of snow falling outside and both of your breaths, ragged and slowing down. Legs tangled together, and not a care in the world. Bucky spent time tracing his fingers along the various tattoos that were painted over your arms and body. It made your heart warm to see Bucky this vulnerable. You finally had to ask what brought him here after all this time.

“You.” Was all Bucky wanted to offer at the time, and after some pandering he continued. “It’s peaceful here, you bring me unconstituted peace and so does this island.” Bucky was speaking the truth, it had been a long time since he had felt safe and content enough to be this open with someone. All it took were 4 sides of water for him to finally feel safe.

-

2020

You let out a little sigh before you spoke again, “I’d kiss you right now, but I have a feeling there’s a pair of eyes on us.” Closing your eyes, you felt Bucky stretch to turn around next to you. Sure enough, Nat was already up and sipping her coffee on the porch. She knew how much your privacy meant to you and Bucky, so she simply raised her mug in a cheering motion, and went back to bed.

Everyone had an inkling of an idea about the two of you, since Bucky didn’t know how to shut off the tracking on his iphone. But Natalia had reminded them of your spy past and how you once decapitated a man with your bare hands. Needless to say they kept their mouths shut until everyone was invited to the wedding/Bucky’s retirement party on the island.

#Bucky Barnes #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes/reader #winter soldier #winter soldier x reader #winter soldier/reader #natasha romanoff #black widow #steve rogers #captain america #sam wilson #falcon #avengers #avengers x reader #avengers safe house #avengers fanfic #avengers oneshot #bucky barnes oneshot #bucky barnes imagine #avengers imagine #safehouse #ours #oneshot #archive of our own

[deja-you]

Girl can you please write either a Laf or Jefferson fix based off of Tis the Damn season?!?! Miss Swift has me all in my feelings 🥰😭

drabble masterlist

this took me a while to get around to, but this is definitely one of my favorite drabbles :)

You distinctly remember Thomas saying it’s never too late, but you can’t imagine he still means it.

The last time you saw him – it hurts to think about the last time – was years ago. It was only a few days after his graduation party, you remembered this because there were still photos of Thomas covering the walls in his family’s home and confetti was still tucked into the corners. You kept a small piece of green and gold confetti tucked away in your heart.

His room was a safe haven from the hurricane that was graduation, moving trucks, and you. For a minute, it was your safe haven. You felt out of place in his bedroom, where, when the shelves were filled, books spilled out onto the hardwood floors. Where signed baseballs sat like trophies on the desk. Where a radio always played upbeat songs.

Everything was so damn americana.

You realize that the fact that you felt out of place was part of the appeal. There was a part of you that was ignited when he moved around the furniture so the two of you could dance. An addictive part of your personality that adored the fact that he would rearrange his nostalgic world for you (the knowledge that he would do anything for you made you glow a little brighter, and he liked seeing you glow).

You’re older now, but you don’t think you were any smarter than you were at eighteen. While you’re aware that everything has changed, it’s becoming increasingly more apparent that nothing has changed. Your childhood home hasn’t changed much (although your mom is excited to show you her new dishwasher). Even though you’ve flown across the country to be where you are now – you can’t really call it home anymore – it hardly takes you any time to adjust back to your old habits.

Grocery shopping. You can’t remember the last time you bought your own groceries, but you figure it’s a small enough town that you won’t be swarmed by adoring fans. Maybe just classmates who never spoke to you in high school pretending to be your best friend, but you could live with that.

It’s an in-and-out trip. You’ve been given a short list, and unsalted butter and whole milk aren’t exactly difficult groceries to find. You keep your hood on and go through self-checkout. You can’t tell if you hate or love just how mundane this activity is for you, but you’re at least aware it’s a change of pace. You have a plastic bag of groceries in hand and are nearly back to your car when you spot it.

The very same car that drove you home from Friday night football games parked in the lot, mud staining the tires. You’re reminded again that nothing has changed when your pulse quickens by just a few beats (but it’s enough for you to know that you’re not over it, never will be, really). You can’t hear the engine running and there’s no one in the front seat, so you breathe a sigh of relief that you didn’t run into him today.

“Hey, I like your flannel.”

Of course fate (if that’s what you’re going to call it) won’t let you off that easy. You could pretend you hadn’t heard him and sprint to your car, that was always an option. But it wouldn’t be a good look, and your heart desperately wanted to see him again.

“I’m sure you would,” you turn to face him, grocery bag swinging violently in your hand, “you picked it out for me.”

He looks absolutely brilliant. Your closet is exclusively an eternal summer collection due to the unrelenting L.A. sun; you don’t even know how to wear winter. Your best attempt was a flannel from high school. But Thomas. He may very well be the definition of December, because you are convinced the midnight thread of his sweater was invented with his very being in mind. Somehow his smile is fresh like April and his eyes are warm like July, and – damn, he’s all twelve months, isn’t he?

Thomas is much more beautiful than you could have remembered, and you’re drowning in the familiarity of it all. You feel like less of yourself, like you could be absorbed by his presence just by being near him. You’re reminded why you left and you’re reminded why it was so hard to leave. You still haven’t decided if you had made the right choice.

“I nearly forgot you were back in town,” he says, and you don’t believe him. You’ve thought about him every time you thought about coming home. It would be rude of him not to return the same courtesy to you.

“Your mom told me you were coming back for the holidays,” Thomas adds on, feeling the need for an explanation.

You cock your head to the side slightly. There are dozens of questions that you want to ask him, but you don’t. “You talked to my mom?”

It’s a small town. Everyone knows everyone. It’s a stupid question, but you can’t help but wonder how often they talk about you.

“Last week at church,” he replies.

You nod once finding the answer less than satisfactory. He’s really made this town his home, and you don’t know if you’re relieved or feeling remorseful at the thought that that could have been you.

“I’m not really here for the holidays,” you say. It’s not an important fact, but maybe he cares. You hope he cares. “Just for the weekend. I’m headed back to L.A. on Monday.”

You wait for emotions to flash over his face, but he just gives you a friendly smile. It hurts worse than a fucking knife.

“Too bad. I’m sure the town wishes you’d stay longer,” he says.

You’re not sure if he means it. You’re not sure what he means by it. Does he wish you’d stay longer? Or was it his passive aggressive way of wishing you had never come back by hiding bitter resentment behind kind words? You decide against the last part. You wouldn’t put it past Thomas to wield his words like weapons, but he would never do that with you.

“Maybe I’ll stay longer when I’m not so busy.” You shrug and shift the bag of groceries from one hand to the other.

He laughs, not in a scornful way, mostly it’s disbelief. “I highly doubt that.”

You don’t even have to ask him what he means by that; the both of you are  well-versed in your habits of leaving. The two of you exchange a few more pleasantries before saying goodbye. Thomas says something along the lines of I hope to see you around, and you’re left wondering once again if he means any of it.

Thomas has the same phone number from high school. You’re not surprised, he’s always been a traditionalist, and from your experience, you know he’s never taken well to change.

You’re only home for the weekend, so you don’t have time to play the who’s-going-to-contact-who-first game. You call him, and an hour later you’re meeting him in the parking lot in front of your old school. You’ve told your mom you’re meeting up with an old friend (it’s not exactly a lie) and she’s glad that you’re reconnecting with your high school friends. You don’t care to elaborate any more on the subject.

Thomas holds the passenger-side door open for you, and you climb into his car just like you’ve done hundreds of times before. You’ve probably spent hours and hours wasting your time just thinking about him, so now that he’s right in front of you, neither of you want to waste any more time. You fall into easy conversation as if nothing has changed (nothing is the same anymore, both of you know this), careful not to address the elephant in the small town.

The two of you spend hours talking, and it easily turns into an entire day. You talk about everything until there’s nothing left to talk about, and then both of you are content to use your mouths for the things between you that can’t be said.

He has a house now that’s very much him. Thomas’s bedroom in his new house has furniture you’re unaccustomed to, but the space itself is a memory. They may be new titles, but there are still books overflowing onto the floor. You’re not even surprised. In fact, you find it all very comforting.

His touch on your skin is familiar, and you relive every moment with him from the first to the last (even though that part still stings). Thomas is your past and your present, and you don’t even dare to think about your future when he’s got his arms wrapped around your torso. Nothing feels like home the way he does.

You’ve nearly spent half the day in his touch, something you must’ve done plenty of times before. You want him to ask you to stay, and not just for another hour and not just for another day and not just for another month and not just for another year. But you know he won’t, because he doesn’t think you want him to (you want him to). Thomas doesn’t ask you to stay because he doesn’t think you’ll forgive him if he asks this of you.

As if forgiveness is something we choose to do.

When you finally detangle your limbs from his, you find your discarded sweatshirt quickly in an attempt to replace his warmth with something artificial. It doesn’t work. It’s not really fair that you get to be the one who leaves him twice, but you don’t exactly feel like you’ve won anything.

It should be better than this, you think to yourself. But you know the heart that’s really breaking is your own.

#Kitty's drabbles #i could write thom angst all day #happy late christmas lol #thomas jefferson #thomas jefferson x reader

[rosyk]

Changed

pairing: yang jeongin (as John) x reader (as Sera)

genre: light academia(at least that’s what it’s supposed to be), light angst, girl in love, romance, fluff, royalty

warnings: mentions of blood and self harm

word count: 5.0k

inspiration: White Flowers- Olivia Rodrigo (unreleased song)

a/n: Yes this is the same inspiration from the past post I had but the story is more directed from the song than the other one. It came out different than I thought it would be(quite disappointing), but I hope you’ll like this one as well! Just some little angsty angst.

White flowers. It was once a symbol of our relationship. I loved how they look so peaceful and pure, exactly like how you described me. They were either standing on my porch, sitting inside the mail in front of my tiny house, or lying under the mat. I loved finding my favorite ones whenever it’s our anniversary or on my birthday and let them inside the drawers for safe keeps. You never failed to place thrill in this us. When did I deserve such a guy?

[3RD PERSON]

“My lady, a letter has been sent” Mr. George called up to the lass as she immediately rushed down the long, grand marble stairs in a fluttering flowy dress.

“My lady, a letter has been sent” Mr. George called up to the lass as she immediately rushed down the long, grand marble stairs in a fluttering flowy dress.

“I’m coming!” she responded and was skipping throughout the whole dash to the point that the lady didn’t even notice her parents with her fellow friends sitting near the courtyard, having some tea.

“Oh dear,” the father massaged his forehead and cried out. In response, the men in the room laughed in the view in front of them. Who’d knew that the respectable man from the authorities would be anguished over a simple matter? Frowns were apparent after the father in despair continued his exclaim. “Just wait until your daughter would find a new kid better than his daddy.” Now, it was time for the ladies to laugh.

“Stop being dramatic, love. Things will always get to this. They’d soon start to be like us and even have new kids!” The wife interrupted, teasing his husband a bit more.

“Let me guess, the mother-daughter bond was closer together?” The damsel who sat directly in front of them started a conversation the man least wanted to hear. It was a rare sight to see so they took the opportunity.

“Be careful, Dieur. Your wife was against men in the past. She must’ve talked bad about you.” The father’s closest friend decided to speak up and join the amusement. Despite the father having a bad mood, the atmosphere lightened up. They continued to chat while staring at the young lady in love from afar.

“Mr. George, is it from him?” The lady in the dress who wasn’t able to sleep well because of excitement asked the butler. As if he knew who she meant all along, he passed on the letter with a sealed stamp.

“It’s better to see it for yourself, my lady. Though there are no other more possibilities to receive a letter from anyone different” the butler smiled as he replied. It was pleasing for him to see Sera finally receiving love from the people outside, and not just the ones in the household.

“Oh thank you so much! You’re the best!” Sera hugged the old butler that was flustered and surprised by her sudden actions. He melted in the embrace of the younger one because he acted like her father who was always there for her when Dieur is busy with court duties.

Sera rushed up back to her room and ignored her mother’s muffled words as she was already far away. Tiny heels were clicking and that served as a reminder to the maids that she had already arrived. Plopping herself in bed, the girl squealed with delight.

Barging in the lady’s room, the housekeepers couldn’t hold themselves back. “So, what did he write this time?” Their eyes shone stars and a few tiny jumps were done. Each one of them bickered and shared their opinions on what he’d say for the grand day.

The girl holding the love letter shushed the rowdy crowd and stood up to do her usual routine. The audience knew what she was doing and sighed in frustration. Of course, it was an important letter for Sera. She had to make sure she read it in a room she’s comfortable in to make the writings unforgettable and imprinted in her mind. Firstly, she pulled the big and red curtains, leaving them untied, to cover up the whole scene and feel the calmness of the room. The ones waiting, hurriedly fixed her letters inside the drawer in order but the lady shot them a glare. They whined in response, but all Sera could do was chuckle. After arranging the love letters collected, she positioned herself on the chair beside the bed and turned on the lampshade. As if she was telling a story, the maids began to encircle her at the moment she started to read it aloud.

“How enchanting! It feels so dreamy!” Vanessa, one of the viewers, clasped her hands together and danced with an imaginary partner, earning herself giggles from everyone in the chamber.

This act reminded another servant and made sure to ask her regarding the grand ball. The maids once again clapped in enthusiasm. If anything, they’re the ones who anticipated the male more than Sera herself. Lily, the youngest maid who was 14, opened up first and visualized how the male would arrive.

Their talk reached hours and honestly, Sera was excited with the discussion although she seemed to turn down the ideas a moment ago.

[NIGHT]

The lady wanted to sleep so she could wake up early as soon but the thoughts were forcing her not to. She reminisced their memories before finally deciding to follow the call of her bed.

They haven’t seen each other for years but it remained vivid in her. She remembered how he’d confess out of the blue, sneaked in her room without her parents knowing so she’d be able to sleep well, calls every night, and made sure she was confident with herself. That’s how ideal this guy is.

[NARRATION]

Sera knew it was morning either because she was woken up by the noises from the crowd gathering or she hasn’t slept well again because of excitement. Fortunately, the guy in front of her didn’t know she was really tired, or else he’d be worried and force her to leave the ball and sleep. Of course, the girl never wanted that to happen because she wanted to spend more time with the perfect figure she’s been dancing with.

“Sera, did you have a good night's sleep?” The girl’s little prince asked. Sera hesitated and gulped as she looked into the man’s face who seemed to be amused with what he’s seeing. Okay, maybe he did know things after all.

“Not to worry, I know you had awaited this ball years ago. I won’t let you leave” The man chuckled in delight and it surely made her flutter. What made it more interesting was the fact that he didn’t know she’d cry over this ball just to see him in her sight. Oh, how the lass loved to be in his embrace once again.

The boy placed his huge arms behind the girl’s back and pulled her closer to him. Resting her head in between his neck and shoulder, as they danced to the lovely melodies of the piano playing “ A dream is a wish your heart makes”.

“John, I kept all your love letters in my drawer” Sera boasted proudly and wore a tiny smirk that made John smile. It took seconds before he could reciprocate what Sera just said. As soon as he got the grasp of it, both of his eyebrows rose.

“But I’ve written those way before I courted you!” He whisper shouted in shock which caused him to grip her hands tighter but not to the point that it hurt. The girl too was influenced by his sudden emotions and looked at him blank, blinking quite a few times.

“Is it bad?” Sera’s eyebrows furrowed in concern. Negative thoughts came up to her; what if he wouldn’t like me or did I do something wrong? She bit her lip and sulked a bit, forming a little pout in her seemingly heart-shaped lips.

“I’ve probably sent 500 of them by now” John’s expression was clear. He was confused, thinking how ridiculous the idea might have been. He sent letters for her to read but not to the point of storing everything when he had done that years ago.

“It’s actually 678” The girl looked down without knowing why. He couldn’t stare at his eyes, wondering whether it’s because of the embarrassment that made her wished to be swallowed up by the ground any moment now or maybe because of her guilt as if she had done something wrong because that’s what John made her feel.

The man decided to shrug the idea off because he realized how the girl felt. This wasn’t their expected first encounter after she had been waiting for months and he thought it was probably just him dramatically overreacting towards a simple matter. He wanted to cheer her up so he gave an unforeseen remark.

“You just love me, don’t you?” Sera managed to look back at him just to see a teasing smile. She giggled softly and pursed her lips, narrowing her eyes as if she was thinking. John groaned playfully with the fake hesitation the lady was showing.

“Do I?” Both of her eyebrows rose in shock and questioned. The lass took her hand off his to brush his shoulder, tidying the non-existent dust in a sassy manner. John broke out a tiny smile before choosing to join in her play.

“Oh I know you do, love” He stated and retrieved her hand in the right place it was destined to be. They began waltzing in a slow tempo as he kissed her hand in between, which left the lass in true shock because of his sudden movements. A grin was evident in the man and so she began to laugh quietly, shaking her head on both sides as a matter of disbelief.

“But I don’t think so” Sera kept teasing as John continued to respond so cheekily. She tiptoed a bit to reach his height as she went closer to her face. Of course, John wouldn’t give up in this encouraging situation.

“You do”

“I do?”

Their faces went closer until Sera tried to cover up her blushing face with her hands. The man wouldn’t let her hand go and so as she tried to stand properly on the ground and lowered herself from tiptoeing, he placed his hand at her back and pulled her closer. The girl flinched quite a bit in his touch, which the guy never failed to not notice. He wore a smug look and rose one of his eyebrows, tilting his head to look straight at her eyes. The lady’s face started to heat further than ever. Thus, she struggled away from the embrace but the more she tried, the little the gap is in between their faces. It was all fun and games until their nose brushes against each other and they could hear breathings.

“I could hear your heartbeat from here” John’s whisper sent chills to the lady all over her body. Because he doesn’t want anyone to hear for the moment, he lowered the volume of his voice causing him to lower the tone unintentionally as well. The best description would be a seductive whisper girls would swoon over. That was how lucky Sera was, she thought.

John looked at her lips and tilted his head, in which she could assume he was going for it. She gulped and just as she was about to close her eyes, loud claps and squeals echoed around the room. Right, they were in the ball and they’ve almost forgotten, she reminded herself. John kissed her forehead that made her cheeks blush, now looking very obvious. Despite that, she still wished her first kiss would be taken away by him.

[NIGHT AFTER THE BALL]

Sera couldn’t get over the ball yet. While she was eating, reading, and in every step she took, she’d always hum the song played in the dance. It was like a magnificent dream to dance with her prince charming. Her father would start to get annoyed as the maids get jokingly jealous of how lovely she looked being so happy. Though it was already 3 in the morning and the lady was waiting for the call. He never missed a night without calling her until she looked up the letter given. The handwriting wasn’t really clear but it was obvious he wrote it quickly. It says he couldn’t be able to talk on the phone tonight as he had lots of things to do. It wasn’t deep and she knew she should’ve been glad he took time writing the letter just to stop her from worrying. But despite the optimism, she forces herself into, she broke down in tears. Cuddling her pillows as she wept is something that isn’t unusual. It’s been months since he was gone and it’s also been months when she started crying herself to sleep. Even a single evening without him would crash her heart and tear herself apart. It’s also been a long time since she thought if he had lost interest in her. A single missed call is enough to harm the lady so pure.

With nails digging, she just watched the blood flow through her glass skin. It was painful but much better than the call she wasn’t able to receive. Isn’t she enough? Insecurities passed by her mind and all she could do was wail silently that only she could hear, with voice cracking out.

[TIMESKIP- AFTERNOON]

“So I’ve thought about your wedding....and” Before continuing to speak, Sera’s mother took a sip from her cup in the same favorite courtyard she’d always be.

“We could plan the wedding, sooner but not now” Sera casually talked as her parents both stared at her in surprise. Her father choked on his tea and continued coughing, while Sera patted his back and asked if something was wrong in what she just said.

“My, my.... is that really you?” Her mother explained in an accent and scoffed. She wondered when her daughter started to act so maturely as if she didn’t just whine and force them to marry the guy she really loved about a year ago. Was this the effect of the man leaving her for months?

“The drama is real”, Sera thought.

“You’ve grown more mature” The father mentioned like it was the biggest miracle he had seen. He was in delight but turned the usual grumpy old man, the moment her wife started to speak.

“It’s the boy’s effect” The wife tapped his husband’s shoulder to hit his ego, though the context seemed to be like a warning. Sera noticed how off it was for her to mention John so to be rest assured, she asked her mother.

“Boy’s effect? You mean John?” She chuckled and pressed her lips together, waving her hands to dismiss the idea and hoped it isn’t as obvious as it seems. The father on the other hand still doesn’t get the hang of it; john and everything that relates to that bloody guy.

“Yes!” The mother joyously raised her tone and turned herself to have her body directly at Sera. This lets her know that her mother is trying to explain something complicated or unseen. “You have changed greatly, don’t you think?” She continued.

The daughter was left confused and had her eyebrows furrowed. “Changed?” She tilted her head in question and took some time to let the information seep into her mind. Though, she remained clueless.

“In the past, you used to talk about your everyday lives to the point that I grew tired from hearing your stories. But your father? He loved them and wanted to hear more of it. But now that you’ve grown, everything we hear from you is about John” Sera’s mother laughed in a low volume. The conversation ticked the father off so he decided to interrupt and share his thoughts.

“John here, john there. You wouldn’t even bother choosing your wedding because you decided to go with what he wants, even though you’re the bride here. You wore clothes that would impress him every day and can’t stand a night wherein he wouldn’t be able to call. Goodness gracious, where did this john come from?” Dieur ranted and lifted his hands in the air for disapproval. Pity the father, as the ladies could only laugh at his speech. He looked at the two in bewilderment and just after he thought of scolding them, his wife spoke.

“We can’t blame love like roses” The mother stood up and was ready to leave due to an appointment. Once again, Sera was perplexed. She felt like everything her mother says went out of the blue. Is it just her guts or feeling? Or maybe it’s indeed the reality she failed to notice? To calm herself down from the sudden panic that came out of nowhere with no further reason, she asked about it. The father answered the question whilst thinking his wife couldn’t hear the daughter’s request.

“Typical roses where love and passion are as deep as its color and signifies that both partners are ready for commitment. It’s commonly used on marriages, just like the one you’re planning” the father scrunched his nose a bit to show how annoyed and cringe he must’ve heard that statement. Dieur can’t stand the topic and so he left first. Her mother didn’t know he was gone but at the same time, she also hoped her words reached her daughter. Thus, before talking to someone and preparing to step into the little and open carriage, she continued. Her daughter heard it quite muffled and unclear, but her wish and intentions came true.

“Not that one, darling”

[TIMESKIP]

It’s been days since Sera heard her mother’s quote but still doesn’t understand the meaning behind it. It would be pointless to keep asking as her mother makes excuses and changes the topic. All she’d heard from her was “trust me, you will regret hearing this”, and with a smile contrasting the words she spoke, she left the house for a business trip with her father.

“My lady, didn’t you want to visit the garden?” Another butler she hadn’t seen before, which she assumed was new, stepped in after knocking. “The carriage is ready” He bowed and was ready to leave until she called her out.

“Is John already here?” The servant was taken aback by the question but was luckily able to respond.

“Not yet, my lady” He replied and observed her lady’s expressions. Thinking it is about the garden, he was left surprised.

“We’ll wait for him” Sera replied with a tiny smile and shifted her position to get ready. He had it coming but not a single thought came up to him that she’ll risk such an opportunity. It was her dream to get into the secret garden her mother had when she was young. She had waited to step into the magical place for years because it amazed her how the flowers planted are changing every 4 years, but now he’s considered John again.

“Milady, what if he couldn’t come as usual?” He asked once again, tone slightly higher than he intended. All the lady could do was stare at him in frustration as if asking if he would dare repeat the question. He didn’t expect the lady to have a frightening aura, so he apologized for digging in further into personal matters.

The lady exhaled and fidgeted her fingers due to the slight guilt and awkward tension she had created. “That man is just..” trying to find the right word for it, she snapped her fingers. As soon as she got ahold of the perfect one, she continued with a change of mood. “Everything I cannot do without” she smiled and ask for him to leave, which he immediately and willingly did.

The butler walked slowly within the halls and was snapped out of his thoughts after hearing a maiden’s voice and a tap on her shoulders, asking him what’s wrong. He said he was fine but was still confused after the words he had heard; because the man being everything the girl can’t do without, seemed like she was lost in love.

[AFTERNOON]

Sera was figuring out everything she had done wrong as she walked back and forth in her locked room. It also had been weeks since the man said he’ll be hers forever. If you’re thinking that was romantic, that isn’t how it is to her. Somehow, it doesn’t feel the same anymore. Thoughts were rambling inside her head and she felt close to breaking down. “He wouldn’t call it off with me right?” the vulnerable lass fell to her knees and covered her face as she tried to fight back the tears. What would she do if he was planning to leave her? She took a rest while tears were still flowing non-stop.

Hours later, she was woken up by knocks on the door and her tears had dried up. Just to make sure, she placed on little makeup where it was light enough to be noticed. Of course, she’d cry without seeing him for the past months so she should know what to do in order to not get caught.

“Come in” she acted as if she was fixing the books on the shelf but was stunned by the figure standing in front of her. She thought he wouldn’t be able to come, but now here he is.

“John!” She went up to him and hugged him immediately. The man in response hesitatingly stroked her hair. The lass noticed the change and asked him what was wrong.

“Are you fine?” The lass widened her eyes in concern and bit her lips. She was scared and thought about what would happen if her nightmare would turn into reality because there is indeed a possibility. “But that can’t be right?” She thought again, trying to change her mindset for a thousandth time today.

John sat down on her bed and sighed, patting the space beside him. Sera walked slowly and tried to hold his hand but he was quick to pull away. And that’s when she knew, it’s finally happening.

“Don’t you think it’s not working out?”

The lady hiccuped and tried to compose herself. Her hands were shaking and no matter how clear the statement John said, she tried searching for other thoughts that make her rest assured just like the usual. Unfortunately, nothing did make her calm down. “What..what do you mean?” She chuckled as a sign to tell the man it isn’t what she thinks it is; though nothing could change something that already did change, as what the man had thought.

“You turned different, Sera” John looked down and felt guilty but all Sera could do was stare in disbelief. She knows herself so why do people think she had changed? For her, it’s a useless excuse everyone had been using. It’s messing with her mind and made her frustrated with how people acted as they knew her in the very beginning.

“Is this a way of defending yourself?” She spoke in annoyance, which caused John to slouch a bit, feeling apologetic but also tired. He had it coming but never did say he was ready for this talk.

“You don’t understand-“ John had his head up to meet Sera in the eyes and explained himself but was immediately cut off which made him get frustrated as well.

“What don’t I understand-“

“Everything!” The tone John showed was a lot harsher than he thought, but he stood unknowingly due to the patience running out. He pulled his hair and his voice started to crack. It was the first time he showed such a painful sight to Sera, which made the lady sob as well. “I loved you. I loved the girl who made me smile but it felt like the girl just remained in the past. You appreciated me but now, you demanded more. Everything you’re doing makes me feel insecure, Sera. Was I never enough?” The man gripped the sheets and felt the pain hit straight into him. He tried to lessen his cries but the feeling was just too much for him to fix. The partner in front of him placed her hand on his face and managed to wipe her tears, despite the continuous flowing of it. It made her tear up because that was the exact thought she had in mind, turned out it backfired against him.

“No... please, you’re perfect. You loved me perfectly.” Sera managed to talk in between the sobs and stutter. John took off her hand from his face and sighed in a shaking manner. He bit his lips to quiet down his cry to the point that it bled a little.

“Then why do you feel like I didn’t love you like any other? Why do you feel like I’m not giving you the attention you need? Why do you feel like I’m tired of you? Why can’t you make decisions without me as if I feel like I’m trapping your freedom? I just noticed it was different after you scolded me because I wasn’t able to call you the night before. You relied on me wholeheartedly but acted as if I never did gave you almost everything I could” John sighed and walked up to the door. Sera was pleading, begging hopelessly for him not to leave her behind, but he took another step outside the door. She regretted it deep and straight from the heart because unknowingly, it made John feel the pain. She made her insecure after all the overthinking she did in the past nights. It felt as if she didn’t trust John at all.

After a few hours of bawling her eyes out, she ran unto the garden expecting white flowers. She barged in the place, knowing it was probably the time they’ve finished growing the flowers she’d wanted to see with him all this time, yet failed to. But looking around the vast field, it was all red roses. “Maybe it isn’t fate,” she thought and reached out to one of the roses. She was lost in the sight of the magnificent flower that felt different among the others, it was tempting not to touch this one. While wiping away her tears, she felt the thorn under instead and hissed in pain. Looking at the blood, she finally understood her mother’s hidden words.

“At first, before stepping inside, the flower looked the same among all the other roses but I enjoyed the view. I noticed a single flower and loved how deep red it was. Except, it was too enticing that I decided to get in contact with it. I felt the thorn and pain but brushed it off since it was a small one. That’s the context my mother was trying to say all along” she thought and finally figured it out but it wasn’t a celebration to call on, indeed she faced regret.

Their love isn’t as pure as a white flower, but as dangerous as red roses. It was captivating that once she’d entered, there is no escape. John started as someone she passed by through. A typical stranger, nothing new and nothing special. But knowing him better, made her smile. She thought at first it was all happiness and cherishing the moments they’ve created with John, but giving all her mind and focus on him, made her feel the pain that she decided to forget because she thought it would pass by at some time. She placed all the hurt aside because she was too distracted with John.

Sera was crazy in love; except it wasn’t sweet anymore. She changed because of the warmth she felt from the guy but can she blame him? No. And the fact that this matter can’t be solved anymore is what wound her the most. No matter how much she tries again to mend herself and start over with John, it wouldn’t be like those silly fairytales. Because if it’s him, she knew her world would stop again for him to continue.

If only someone had told her what she knew now; losing herself in someone isn’t heaven, it’s hell. But if her mother told her what she noticed, it would be enough for Sera to cut off ties with her parents. That’s how head over heels she was. John was at first her happy pill, which became her dose of medication. It felt like a disease that only he could treat from time to time. It couldn’t even be considered as a cure, because she needed him every day in her life. Her mindset of receiving love from him took an effect as if it were drugs. It pulled her closer and closer that it affected her psychologically, messing with her mind. She was pure but everyone knows she wasn’t naive. But the thought of the lady being too much never went across Sera’s mind; it’s like sinking and sinking in reality though she felt like it was a dream. It was this care given that kept her having the perspective that madness to others, is love to herself. It wasn’t because he was the first one to make her feel the butterflies, she forced her thoughts thinking he was distinct from all the guys that had hurt her. Either it was this drive of finding someone who’d treat her good, or just wanted more of what John could give. “I need you like a heart needs a beat“ didn’t feel pleasing after all. It’s all because she perceived their relationship as building her life on his attention, on being an object of his affection. But all John wanted to have was Sera, the one who’d motivate him to get up from his bed. It hurts the most because even Sera misses herself. But “you can be who you wanted to be“ wasn’t true all this time because as simple as going back to her usual self, isn’t a piece of cake when John is around. It’s not that they weren’t meant to be, it all just went wrong because she loved him unhealthily to the point that she had forgotten why he had loved her in the first place. Her love reached beyond the limits; pulling her closer to insanity.

Now crazy in love don’t feel sweet, cause I’m with you but I miss me

#tags #stray kids #stray kids reactions #stray kids scenarios #bang chan #seo changbin #han jisung #lee know #lee minho #hwang hyunjin #lee felix #kim seungmin #yang jeongin #stray kids imagines #stray kids angst #angst #heavy angst #chris #hanji #skz jeongin #skz i.n #stray kids x reader #kpop angst #stray kids masterlist #stray kids fake texts #stray kids fanfic #painful #fanfiction #stray kids ff

[lightspeedrobin]

Found (Chapter 4) - Morisawa Chiaki/Reader

Summary: Chiaki can vaguely remember that time in kindergarten when he saved a girl during a school field trip but he knows that it was the first time he became someone’s hero. With only a dolphin plush and a worn-out handkerchief to remind him of that memory, he finally meets her again.

A/N: ending the year right! it took a while but we've finally reached the end, and just in time for the current event~

thank you to all the wonderful people who have stay tuned and supported me for the past four months. i enjoyed writing chiaki because he's such a pure and honest boy and i love him TT^TT 

wishing everyone a fruitful new year and the best of luck for those grinding for 5star chiaki!until next time~

Chapter 4 - Found 

-

The familiar store chimes make a gentle ring as Chiaki enters the cafe. It has been two days since he’d last been there and the quiet and relaxing atmosphere greets him once more. No children running around and the stress of meeting their needs is thankfully gone for the next few days. The kid’s section is almost empty, save for a couple of young adults who chose to sit by the area. It’s a perfect day to talk to the owner without much distractions.

Speaking of the owner, he takes a look around the cafe in search of the person in question, and there she was, engaging in an idle chatter with the barista while putting some final touches on a dish. He quickly looks away when she turns around to deliver the order, setting his eyes on a table at the back. As much as he wanted to stay in the kids section, he didn’t want to draw attention to himself today.

He settles down on his seat and sets the paper bag he’s been carrying beside him. He didn’t bother putting the plush on a different bag, but in hindsight, the owner might recognize the bag when sees it so he keeps it hidden for now. His mind drifts to the conversation he had with Kanata and Kaoru the other day.

‘I think you should just tell her. I’m sure she’ll be happy to know you two are meeting again like this.’

‘Oh but don’t just tell her. Be smooth about it. Hmm… I know a few techniques you can do to–’

‘Kaoru, he’s not trying to hit on her, you know.’

‘I know, I know. But what if…’

In the end, both Ryuseitai members listened to Kaoru’s so-called-techniques over coffee at the ES Cafeteria. It wouldn’t hurt to hear him out and the blonde looked enthusiastic sharing his ideas, not that Chiaki would be able to pull any of it off.

On her way back to the counter, the owner spots him seated at the far back, waving at her. Smiling brighter at the sight of her newly-formed friend, she makes her way to his table. He instinctively pushes the paper bag further towards the back of his seat to hide it from view.

“Hey! You’re back!” She greets enthusiastically, handing him a menu. “On a break from work?”

She speaks in a more casual tone to him now that they’re more familiar with each other. He’s glad that she’s able to relax around him.

“Nah, I’m actually done for the day and wanted to come here.” He replies as he takes the booklet. He only had a small errand at ES today so he has the rest of the day to himself.

She nods and her eyes lit up with interest. “Oh I see. If you’re already finished this early then you must’ve been working hard the past few days.”

“Yup! Ryuseitai’s been getting a lot of jobs lately and I’m glad we get to work together more often now.” He says in genuine pride. Ryuseitai has grown so much from when they were first starting out and all those job requests they’ve been getting are proof that they’re reaching the hearts of more people as idols and allies of justice.

“That’s great to hear!” She beams at the news but then puts a hand on her chin as if remembering something. “Ah, so that time I saw you by the cafe, were you perhaps supposed to meet your friends here?”

Chiaki almost chokes on air. “What?”

“The other day, you were hanging outside the cafe, right?” She explains.  “Or did I mistook you for someone else?”

He panics for a brief second but he didn’t want to lie that he hasn’t been in the area that day. Or at least, he couldn’t bring himself to lie. “A-Ah yes, that was me.”

“Well, It’s a shame you didn’t come in. We were testing out some new flavors for the parfaits that day. You and your friends could’ve tried them.” She says, her voice mixed with a little disappointment. Chiaki starts to feel bad for not at least saying ‘hi’ before leaving. But he was supposed to be hiding that day. The owner must’ve had a good eye for spotting him, or he just sucks at stealth.  

“O-Oh, um… Yeah, I needed to talk to someone so I had to head back to the agency.” He stammers. He’s not a good liar but it technically wasn’t a lie. He had no plans on giving more context to why he was at the store front in the first place and he hopes she doesn’t ask.

“Ah, I see.” Her expression seemed like she wouldn’t press any further, so he mentally sighs in relief. “Well, we still have them available today. If you like, I could put down an order for you now.” She says, pen and notepad at the ready.

Chiaki checks his watch. An hour before lunch. He could probably use a light meal to go with the parfait.

His order arrives shortly after, with the owner grinning as she sets them down on his table. He can clearly see the excitement in her eyes as she sets the parfait on the table, looking just as mouth-watering as ones he had served the other day. She’s in high spirits today and Chiaki hopes he’ll get to see more of her smile later.

As the last of his order is set down, he catches her attention by clearing his throat. “I also actually came today to talk to you.”

She raises a curious eyebrow at him. “Oh...”

“It’s really nothing important, just–”

“This isn’t about that other day, right? The ‘i-made-a-famous-idol-work-at-my-cafe’ thing?” She hugs the empty tray closer as she speaks, voice clearly in panic. It must’ve still been bothering her since then.

Chiaki quickly shakes his head, letting out an awkward laugh for not giving more context right away. “No, no, no. There really wasn’t any issue with that. This one’s actually unrelated so no need to worry. But this might take a while so...” He trails off, unsure what to say next. He’s well aware that she’s still in the middle of work but this might be the only chance he can get, and the conversation might take long considering how this would concern her largely.

“Ah...” She relaxes and now it was her turn to give an awkward chuckle. “Sorry, I tend to think ahead of things so I kind of panicked.”

He knows. At least for the times he visited, he assumed as such. But that didn’t bother Chiaki at all. The way she starts to break her upbeat demeanor in panic, fidgeting and cheeks flushing was adorable in a way.

She takes a deep breath again to compose herself, looking at the clock by the counter before speaking again. “Well, I’ll be having my break soon so if you want we can talk then.”

“Alright, I can wait until then.”

Chiaki slowly eats his meal as the lunch rush passes and soon enough it dies down, resuming into its calmer atmosphere. A good time for a break.

She asks him if he would like to wait in the staff room for a bit while she gives some instructions to her staff and he takes the suggestion. It is more preferable to have some privacy.

-

The owner steps in the staff room after a few minutes, leaving a few more words to the other staff outside before closing the door. Chiaki patiently waits as she writes down an entry on the time sheet hung on the wall before finally sitting across him on the table. Something catches his eye though: a small stain on her apron.

“Thanks for waiting.” She says. “I had to leave a few things to them before I take my break.

Chiaki feels the nervousness building up but despite that, he was able to keep calm and answer with a cheery tone. “It’s no problem at all. I am the one who wanted to talk to you.”

“Oh um… Before that, you have a little stain on your apron.” He pats his lap to indicate where it is and she makes a surprised ‘oh’ before looking down on the same area on her apron. The brown spot looks small enough to be unnoticable from afar but Chiaki was able to spot it when she sat down.

“Shoot. There is.” She confirms, and starts to rub it off with her thumb.

Just then, an idea popped into Chiaki’s head. Even after all these years, he never really practiced the habit of bringing his own handkerchief, but this day, he had one. And this particular piece of cloth holds a certain value that would bring up the subject that Chiaki had been nervous about for days.

Nervousness, however, was just part of the things he was feeling at the moment. More than that, he was feeling hopeful. Hopeful that things will stay the same between them, if not, improve. And he has Kanata and Kaoru to thank for that.

So with the usual sunny smile on his face, he reaches into his pocket for the handkerchief and presents it to her, who’s still focused on the stain. He makes sure to get that particular corner exposed so she would immediately see it.

“You can use this, if you like.”

She looks up at the handkerchief offered to her, then at him. She makes a bashful smile before reaching out to take it

“Thank you for–” She stopped mid-sentence as soon as she laid eyes on the name on the handkerchief. Surprise and disbelief spread across her face as it finally dawns in on her what the familiar piece of cloth conveys.

She slowly looks up at him and Chiaki nods, as if confirming whatever thoughts have been swimming in her head right now. Yes, it was the handkerchief she gave him a long time ago. Yes, he was the boy who stood next to her on stage in the aquatic show. And yes, he was the boy, who despite not knowing how to swim, still jumped in the water to save her.

“I-I can’t believe it...” She takes a closer look at the cloth, tracing her fingers on the neatly embroidered name and the sunflowers decorating the corners.

“I didn’t realize it right away but that boy who tried to pull you out of the water years ago… was most probably me.” Chiaki finally puts in words. “And I wanted to give that back to you… with this.” He reaches out into the bag and takes out the pink dolphin plush. He did his best to clean it up but the accumulated dust over the years faded out the bright pink color it had from what Chiaki remembered.

She gasps and slowly touches the stuffed animal, as if handling something fragile. Her lips appear to be tugging into a smile as she looks over it. “It’s–!”

“This is yours, right? It all happened so fast at the souvenir shop that even I didn’t realize we switched bags back then.” He explains. He anxiously studies her expression as he places the plush down on the table.

Her eyes lit up at the memory. “I remember! I was so shocked that I got the wrong one.” She then claps her mouth, looking both happy and embarrassed. “That was my bad, I rushed out so suddenly that I forgot to check.”

“No, that’s okay. Really. But i’m glad that you still treasured mine despite all that.” At this point, it didn’t really matter who caused the switch. It was just an honest and clumsy mistake they made, which was natural for children their age. What matters now is this moment, where the exchanged dolphins allowed them to meet again.

“It is from my hero, after all.” She says a little softly. Instead of having that distant look from the first time she talked about her hero, she’s now looking directly at him, and Chiaki can feel the warmth and gratitude of her gaze, along with a strange ecstatic feeling inside him.

“You saved my life back then. And we both wouldn’t be meeting here again if it weren’t for that.” For some reason, he couldn’t tear his eyes away from her as she spoke. Her words seem to bear more weight to him now that there is someone to receive the admiration she has. Now that he is the one receiving it.

She smiles, the same twinkle reflected in her eyes, and this time, that smile was for him. “Thank you.”

“I...” Chiaki is left dumbstruck at those two words, trailing off from what he was supposed to day. Back in the aquarium, they didn’t mean anything big. It just made him happy before because even though they both almost drowned, she still thanked him. Even though he almost failed, she still looked up to him.

'But why does hearing them again now feel different?‘ , he wonders.

She was still looking at him, probably waiting for him to finish his thought. Still unable to think of a proper response, Chiaki lets out the first words that come to his mind.

“A hero never hesitates when there are people in need, after all.”

And she laughs.

“You said the same thing back then too.” She points out, and only then did Chiaki realize it. It wasn’t really his intention to say the same thing but maybe he never really changed all that much from when she met him.

“Now I’m sure it really is you.”

Chiaki pauses in his thoughts, the nostalgic atmosphere instantly disappearing. “W-Wait, were you actually doubting me earlier?”

“No, not at all.” She calmly says, waving her hand vigorously in denial. “It’s just too good to be true that I thought this was just a dream.” And he awkwardly laughs in return with her, having been worried for nothing.

“A-Anyway, here is your dolphin back if you still need it. Ah, but I feel bad for returning this after learning how you took care of mine well so you can keep both.” He gestures to the said animal on the table, smiling all the while. It was the solution he came up with after mulling over it a few days ago. By letting her keep both, she wouldn’t have to let go of the one she took care of all these years while still getting her original one back.

She, however, seems to be against it. “What? I can’t possibly do that. I mean, you’ve also kept mine all this time and that’ll make me feel equally bad for taking it.” And she pushes the dolphin towards him.

Chiaki shakes his head before pushing it back to her. “It’s totally fine, really.”

At the back of his mind, he was anticipating her to insist on giving him the plush and the funny exchange would go on until one finally gave in. He can feel a sense of deja vu as he preps himself for her response. He was determined to not budge this time.

Unexpectedly, however, she pauses for a moment in deep thought before sighing. “Alright. I’ll take my dolphin back… Thanks.” She pulls the dolphin towards her, and for some reason, he felt a little dismayed that it didn’t go the way he imagined.

She then taps a finger to her chin, humming in thought. “But I don’t really have any more space to keep another one sooo–” She stands up, circling around the table to stand beside Chiaki, and places the dolphin on his hands. “I’m giving this one to you.” She states, smiling while Chiaki stares at her in confusion. Only one word escaped his mouth.

“What?”

“I’m giving you my extra dolphin to keep. So now you can take care of him while I continue looking after yours.” She elaborates, having solved the dilemma he had in just a few minutes. By accepting the returned plush and giving it to him after, it catered both their intentions. Chiaki definitely didn’t expect this response.

She looks at him with such a cool and smug expression that he gives a defeated sigh. She definitely wins this time.

“Well then, I guess this one will be in my care.” He gives the pink dolphin a pat, now formally his, and he can only feel warm and happy seeing her smile widening.

She then walks over to a row of lockers on the other side of the room and opens what he assumes is her locker. Inside was her own dolphin in it’s fading blue color. She takes it out and places it on the table, right in front of Chiaki’s. “I’ll be looking forward to more playdates then.” She says in a higher tone, as if giving the animal plush its own voice, and waves its fin. It was playful and silly, but it was cute.

He gives a small chuckle as he plays along, waving his dolphin’s fin back at hers. “Yeah. I’ll come visit some time.” And they both broke into a hearty laughter.

When she looked up at him again, her eyes showed a gentle glow and her cheeks turned the lightest shade of pink as she beams at him. For a moment there, he can only stare in awe at the sight.

“I hope we can get to know each other more too.”

Chiaki feels a rush of joy welling up in him. All the pleasant emotions are mixing up inside him from her words that it was natural for his face to lift into a smile. “Me too.”

They were silent for a few more seconds, and almost instantly, an awkward atmosphere started to build up. Rubbing a hesitant hand on the back of his head, Chiaki breaks the silence. “So… I was wondering if we can, you know, chat a little more?”

He had a lot of things he wanted to talk about with her. Somehow, after all that has happened today, he feels refreshed and eager to learn more about her. But all those thoughts were flushed down the drain at her immediate response.

“We can’t."

And Chiaki is again thrown into a spiral of surprise and confusion. Her brows were slightly furrowed so he couldn’t tell what they meant. A swarm of questions started to fill his head, unable to determine whether everything had really worked out. He might have gotten carried away with his request.

“–At least not now when my break’s about to be over.” She follows right after, peering at the wall clock by the time sheet with a guilty look. He snaps his head towards the clock as well. It’s been almost an hour since her break started. He terribly lost track of time.

“Right… Totally forgot about that.” His sigh came out as a stammered laugh so she chuckled in amusement. It really did end well. She may have just been teasing him a bit.

“Why don’t we take a walk around the city later after we close shop for the day?”

“That... sounds great.”

Chiaki never expected to meet again someone from his childhood memory, not to mention, one that admired him all this time for saving her. The thought that he was able to be someone’s hero at such a young age, gives him a new-found determination to grow more as a proud member of Ryuseitai.

While he doesn’t know what their friendship would become in the future, what he does know is that spending time with her gives him an unusually pleasant and light feeling. And he’s looking forward to that walk later, and, of course, the other meetings to come.

-

this fic is also up on my ao3, @lightspeedrobin , feel free to give a follow~

Ch.3

#enstars #ensemble stars #morisawa chiaki #chiaki morisawa x reader #cafe owner! reader #fluf

[caitlesshea]

die for you in secret

“James? Is that you?” 

Sébastien calls as he looks up from his garden and sees the lights in the house turn on. 

The garden was his therapists idea after he had expressed an interest during a session. James had readily agreed and now their backyard is filled with flowers and trees.

It’s where Sébastien spends most of his time when James is working. Or when he’s on a job with Sébastien’s family, the one that Sébastien hasn’t seen in almost a decade. 

Exile. 

He started out alone, and then about six months in he showed up on James’ doorstep, drunk and soaked from the rain looking like a drowned rat. 

That was ten years ago. 

He puts down his gardening shears and takes off his gloves, eager to see James after three weeks away. 

“James?” He calls again as he steps into the house from the back door. The kitchen lights are on and he can hear someone walking around. “You better not be trying to cook.” 

Sébastien rounds the corner into the kitchen and he’s met, not with the sight of his husband, but with the barrel of a gun.

“What?”

“Who are you? Why are you in my house?” James asks in an eerily calm voice Sébastien’s only heard a couple of times, and never directed at him.

“James. Put that down!”

“Who are you? Why are you in my house?”

“It’s me, Sébastien.”

“I don’t know anyone named Sébastien.” James growls as he moves closer with the gun.

And okay. Not great. 

“James, lower the gun.” 

“No.”

Sébastien puts his hands up in an I’m not a threat gesture but James doesn’t lower his weapon. 

“James, chéri. I live here. C’mon, put the gun away and we can talk about what’s wrong.”

“Don’t call me that! You don’t live here. Where’s Natasha? What have you done with her?”

The blood drains from Sébastien’s face. Something is very wrong.

“Natasha?” Sébastien croaks out.

“My wife!” James snaps and then shakes his head. “Where is she?”

“She’s...shit.” Sébastien moves a little closer to see if James will lower the gun. 

He doesn’t want to have this conversation, but how do you tell your husband that doesn’t seem to remember you that the woman he does remember is gone. 

“Tell me!” 

Sébastien has just a moment to register that James is pulling the trigger when he staggers back, hand automatically going to his shoulder where blood is pouring out of the wound. He winces through the healing and James stands frozen like he can’t believe he just shot someone. 

Sébastien reaches for the gun they keep under the cabinet and aims without thinking about the fact that he’s shooting at his husband. 

He manages with great aim to knock the gun out of James hand, just barely grazing his fingers that have already started to heal. 

Another perk of the last ten years. James has been immortal for nine of them, something they’ve hidden from the team, along with them being married for the last eight. 

“You shot me.” James says a little bewildered and Sébastien gestures at himself. 

“Look. You were just in Istanbul right?” At James’ nod of confirmation, Sébastien continues. “You remember Andy and Nile?”

James nods again and Sébastien breathes out a sigh of relief. 

“Okay. So, I know you have no reason to trust me, but something must’ve happened. I want to help you figure it out but please, can you stop trying to shoot me?”

James nods again and Sébastien stands, wincing a little at the barely there twinge in his shoulder.

“It’s been a long day. Why don’t you get showered and I’ll make lunch and we can figure this out.” 

Sébastien ushers James into the bathroom and grabs comfy clothes for him to wear, hoping to keep James out of their bedroom for now. 

When the shower turns on Sébastien runs around their house finding every gun, knife, and weapon they have hidden and shoves them into the safe in the office and then changes the combination to his late son Jean-Pierre’s birthday for good measure. 

Sébastien picks up James’ duffle by the front door and brings it back into their room to sort through the laundry. 

He’s barely unzipped the bag when he sees a bookmark from Istanbul on the top. He chokes down the sob that threatens to escape at the familiar gift they buy each other. 

At least James remembered who he was at some point on this trip. 

Sébastien sits down on their bed and looks at James’ nightstand, the one that used to have a photo of Natasha. The same photo that now lives in the living room next to a picture of Sébastien’s late family. 

In its place is a jewelry stand that keeps James’ wedding ring, a modern gold band that he’s worn for eight years, but doesn’t wear on missions. It also holds a necklace, the chain matching the one Sébastien wears. Only James’ necklace holds Sébastien’s original three band wedding ring from the eighteen hundreds. On Sébastien’s chain is James’ slimmer gold wedding band from his marriage to Natasha. 

Sébastien wears a black tungsten band now, having liked the look of it when they went shopping. He grips the chain under his shirt and can’t help the sob that escapes.

If James thinks he’s still married to Natasha he’ll want his wedding band. 

Sébastien takes off the chain but before he can unclasp the ring the shower shuts off. 

He’s hoping James goes into the kitchen but no such luck. 

“You’re in my room?” 

Sébastien jumps and turns to face James as he stands.

“Sorry, I was putting your laundry away.” He gestures to the duffle bag and James nods.

“The guest room doesn’t look lived in.”

“I’m sorry, what?”

“You said you live here. The guest room doesn’t look lived in.”

“Oh, uh.”

“What’s this?” James crosses the room and grabs the necklace with Sébastien’s first wedding ring on it. His heart clenches as James rubs his fingers over the ring almost reverently.

“It’s yours.” Sébastien whispers. It was something they gave to each other when they got married, weird as it may seem, but to them it symbolizes that they have each other’s whole heart and the memories from their mortal lives live within each other.

“And this?” James picks up his wedding ring and Sébastien has to put the palms of his hands to his eyes to stop the tears. 

“It’s your wedding ring.”

“But I thought?”

Sébastien holds up the necklace with James’ first wedding ring on it and James takes it from him. It’s the first time Sébastien’s been without it in almost eight years. 

James turns it over in his hand and then hands it back to Sébastien as he grabs the gold band from his nightstand and puts it on instead.

“You don’t want?” Sébastien can barely get the words out, afraid of what James might say. 

“I think I want to wear this one.”

“Okay.” Sébastien whispers. “Lemme get this laundry in the wash and I’ll make lunch.” He grabs the clothes, eager to get out of their room and into the bigger open space of the house.

He puts the clothes in the wash and gets started on lunch, watching as James walks through their living room, taking in the changes from whatever time period James thinks it is. 

He’s just finishing the quick sandwiches when he decides to bite the bullet and call Andy for the first time in ten years.

He passes James his food while he waits for Andy to answer. 

“Thanks.” James nods as he looks at the blood on the floor and grimaces.

“I’ll clean it after you eat.” James looks like he’s going to protest but Sébastien turns away from him. “C’mon, pick up. Pick up.”

“Booker?” Andy answers hesitantly and Sébastien nearly sobs. 

“Andy.”

“Is something wrong?”

Oh, nothing much. Just my hundred year exile. Just my husband having no clue who I am. Just my husband thinking his late wife is still alive. Just my husband being immortal so this shouldn't be happening. Oh yeah, and he shot me. What isn’t wrong?

“It’s Copley.” The name tastes weird in his mouth after James took Le Livre as his last name when they got married. 

“What about him?”

“Something’s wrong.”

“What are you talking about? You’re in contact with him?”

“Look, I can explain everything but I just need to know if something happened in Istanbul?”

Andy sucks in a breath. “How did you?”

“Andy! Please, he doesn’t…” Sébastien swallows the sob. “He thinks Natasha is alive.” Sébastien whispers the last part.

“Who?”

“His wife.”

Andy sucks in a breath. “Where are you?”

“We’re in Surrey.”

“We’ll be there tonight.”

“Andy, please just tell me if something happened?”

“I don’t know, Book. He seemed fine when we parted ways at the airport.”

“Okay. I’ll see you later.”

“Bye.”

Sébastien puts the phone down and looks over at James who’s staring intently at him.

“Natasha’s gone isn’t she?”

Sébastien sucks in a breath. “Yeah.”

James nods and gestures for Sébastien to join him at the counter.

Sébastien grabs James’ hand and squeezes, letting the buzzing that he’s felt since James has been home settle with contact. James' breath catches and Sébastien can tell James can feel it, too.

“I’m sorry.” Sébastien whispers.

“You’ve lost people, too?” James gestures to the living room where the photos of their mortal families are.

“We both have.”

James nods and Sébastien grabs his tablet to pull up his mission notes.

“I want to figure out what happened from you leaving Istanbul to now.”

“You think something happened?”

“Well, you don’t remember me and you think it’s at least twelve years ago.”

“No, I know it’s twenty thirty one.” James rubs his hands over his face. “I know why I was in Istanbul with Andy, Nile, Joe, and Nicky. I just don’t know why I can’t remember you or why I forgot Natasha’s gone.” 

“I…”

“It’s like you’ve been swapped in my mind.”

Sébastien sucks in a breath and can’t quite stop the tears from falling.

“Shit. I’m sorry…” James looks apologetic and then he winces. “I’m sorry, what is your name again?”

“It’s Sébastien Le Livre, my family calls me Booker.” 

“But I don’t?” At Sébastien’s confused face James continues. “What do I call you?”

“Oh. Sébastien or Bastien.”

“And you live here?”

“I do.”

“Huh.”

“Look, I’m sure you’re tired. And if the team is coming here tonight you might as well rest.”

“What about you?” 

“I’ll be fine.” Sébastien shrugs as he starts clearing the plates from their lunch away. 

James eventually nods and shuffles toward their bedroom and Sébastien sits down heavily on one of the bar stools. 

He pulls up James’ mission notes, thankful he’s as thorough as he is. Everything looks to be in order, even his notes from the airport look normal. James even made a note to stop at the store to pick up Sébastien’s favorite bread for the chili Sébastien was planning on making. 

Sébastien watches the tears fall onto the tablet as he leans his head down on the table. 

At least he knows something happened on the plane which is a good place to start. 

He spends the next several hours on the computer looking up passenger manifests, passenger accounts, cell phone photos, and videos. He’s barely made a dent when James knocks on the office door.

“Have you been in here this whole time?”

Sébastien looks at the clock and winces. It’s been four hours since he started and if his old team is going to be here soon he needs to start dinner.

“Yeah. Sorry. Let me start dinner and we can go over what I found.”

“I can - ”

Sébastien chuckles. “No. You really can’t.”

James huffs a laugh. “Well, I guess that memory is correct.”

“Mmm.” 

Sébastien starts on dinner, a quick stir fry the team and James both love, as James grabs the tablet.

“I was supposed to go to the store?”

“Hmm? Oh, uh yeah. No worries though. Stir fry instead, if that’s okay?” 

“Yeah, as long as there’s - ”

“Cashews, yeah.” Sébastien points to the jar on the counter and James smiles. 

“How long?” James clears his throat. “How long have we known each other?”

Sébastien pauses his chopping and leans against the counter to look at James. There’s bags under his eyes that weren’t there when he got home and his normal house clothes, loose jeans, a shirt, and cardigan, are rumpled, like he didn’t actually sleep during those four hours. 

It hurts his heart to think that James is just as affected by this amnesia as Sébastien is. 

“Almost twenty years.”

“So you knew?”

Sébastien’s heart clenches. “I met her once, briefly.”

“Why do I look the same?”

“Oh.” Sébastien laughs quietly. “We’re immortal.”

“Like Nile, Joe, and Nicky?”

“Yeah.”

“It’s why we both healed from the gunshots?”

“Yeah. Sorry about that.” Sébastien twists his wedding ring, trying to block out the memory of being shot by his husband and shooting his husband. 

“Me, too.” 

“And your wife?” Sébastien looks up sharply at that. “Did I ever meet her?”

“No.” Sébastien swallows back the sob that wants to escape. “She passed long before you were born.”

“And your boys?”

Sébastien really can’t help the tears that fall this time. 

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be.” Sébastien waves him off. “It was a long time ago.”

“How long?”

Sébastien kinda hates these invasive questions. They’re all things that James knows, but they were whispered to each other at night while cuddled together. James kissing the tears off of Sébastien’s cheeks. This is different.

“I was born in seventeen seventy so they all passed in the eighteen hundreds.”

“Damn.”

That startles a laugh out of Sébastien. “Yeah.” 

“Did you find anything?” James holds up the tablet and Sébastien nods.

“Nothing concrete, but two other passengers have been admitted to the hospital since arriving home.”

“You think we were drugged?”

“It’s possible. Do you remember eating or drinking anything?”

“No. I usually don’t.”

Sébastien nods, they’re all paranoid about pretty much everything.

“I’m wondering if whatever is wrong with those other two is also wrong with you, but your body is healing quicker than there’s.”

“Have the doctors found anything?”

“Not yet. And it’s not exactly easy to hack into medical files.” Sébastien raises an eyebrow and James smirks back at him and for a moment Sébastien forgets that his husband doesn’t remember him.

“Something I taught you?”

“Yeah.” Sébastien whispers as he starts cooking the veggies and chicken since Andy texted saying they were thirty minutes out.

James must realize that the mood has changed as he starts setting the table, the familiarity of them moving effortlessly around the kitchen makes Sébastien’s heart clench.

“They said they’re about thirty minutes out.”

James nods as he starts getting out drinks for everyone.

“No alcohol?” James asks as he heads over to the fridge and bar area they have.

“No. Uhh, I’ve been sober for almost ten years. We have some wine we use to cook, if you want.”

“No. That’s fine. That’s, well, it’s wonderful Sébastien.”

Sébastien blushes at the familiar praise, James being the biggest supporter of his sobriety, even if he doesn’t remember.

James ends up choosing water for everyone and as he passes Sébastien in the kitchen Sébastien wants to reach out and kiss him, the move as ingrained in him as fighting, but much more pleasant. He stops himself at the last moment and lets his hand fall.

Sébastien finishes cooking and has just placed the last of the food on the table when there’s a knock at the door. He exhales loudly, his fingers tapping anxiously against his thigh. James notices.

“What’s wrong?” 

“Nothing.” Sébastien shakes his head. 

“Sébastien.” The worrying lilt to James’ voice makes Sébastien’s heart break. 

“I uh...I haven’t seen them in ten years.”

“Why?”

Sébastien looks at James and sees he’s genuinely curious but he doesn’t have it in him to explain to James all that happened ten years ago. 

“Just needed some time apart. Go let them in.” Sébastien waves him away and James looks like he’s going to argue but thankfully he doesn’t. 

James opens the door and Sébastien hears them all first. Andy’s low voice, Nile’s cheerful one, Nicky and Joe’s perfectly timed hey. 

Then he sees them. For the first time in ten years. 

He knows Andy got her immortality back, but it’s still shocking to see her looking the same as she did that day by the Thames. Her hair is a little shorter, less in her eyes, but she’s still Andy. 

Nile looks just as young as she did that first night in France and Sébastien smiles when he realizes she is clearly the most fashionable besides Joe.

Joe. His brother. Who looks good in his leather jacket and black jeans. His hair is a little shorter but his beard is the same.

Then there’s Nicky. Looking like he just stepped out of a magazine. His hair is longer, he has a beard, and Sébastien can see he’s wearing earrings and rings. It suits him. Just as jeans and t-shirts do. 

Sébastien’s still tapping his fingers against his thighs as he stands and accepts Nile’s hug.

“Hey, Book.”

“Hey, kid.” 

She scrunches her nose and he laughs as he goes to hug Andy.

“Andromache.”

“None of that Book. Tell us what’s going on.” She grabs the back of his neck as she steps away and he gestures to the table.

“I made stir fry.” Sébastien says a little helplessly as everyone sits around the table. 

They all sit in the same seats that they’ve sat in previously, when Sébastien had made them dinner and then made himself scarce, much to James’ annoyance. 

The seat next to James is empty, like it normally is when his family’s here for dinner and they had all assumed it was for his late wife but Sébastien sits in his normal chair when it’s just the two of them and everyone stares at him.

“What?”

“Didn’t Copley make this?” Nile says around a mouthful.

Sébastien can’t help it, he laughs, loudly. So loud there are tears in his eyes. James is trying not to laugh as well, hiding his face behind a napkin. Sébastien wants to reach out and squeeze James’ hand, but he resists.

“Uh, no. James can’t even boil water.”

“We’ve had this before.” Nicky says as he eats and hums a little with each bite, a sure sign that he likes the meal.

“You have.”

“Care to share?” Joe asks as he takes a bite and smiles approvingly.

“Not really?” Sébastien knows he’s going to have to start talking. He knows he’s going to have to start sharing about what the last ten years have looked like for him, for them, but he’s not ready. 

“Let me guess.” Nile starts. “You always cooked and then made yourself scarce so we wouldn’t see you?”

“Pretty much yeah.” Sébastien whispers and James looks over at him like he’s trying to work something out but can’t yet.

“Why?” Nicky asks as he looks around at what he can see of their house.

“Umm. I was exiled.” Sébastien shrugs and then turns to look at James when he gasps. 

James’ fingers are twitching, a sure sign he’s either anxious or annoyed and Sébastien would put money on it being both.  

“It’s fine.” Sébastien says quietly just for James and it’s enough to calm the twitching fingers. 

“And how long have you been doing that?” Nicky asks, looking between James and Sébastien like he’s trying to figure something out.

“Pretty much since the beginning.” Sébastien taps his fingers against the table this time. 

Sébastien tunes out the questions that everyone seems to have for James after that, trying to figure out what happened to him. Thankfully they let Sébastien’s comments slide, although that reprieve is short lived. 

“I do remember my wedding.” Sébastien looks over at James and thinks that he’s going to start waxing poetic about his wedding to Natasha, at a grand cathedral that her parents paid for when James was just starting at the Agency. 

What he doesn’t expect is for James to start talking about their wedding. What he also doesn’t expect is for James to think it was also with Natasha.

“Well, second wedding, I suppose.” James continues and Sébastien’s heart breaks. “It was here in our backyard, the garden was just beginning to bloom, there were café lights everywhere. It was small, with just some of my family. But it was perfect.”

Sébastien makes a high pitched wounded sound and everyone looks over at him with questions in their eyes.

“Were you there?” James asks him and Sébastien’s pretty sure he dies and revives a moment later. “You said you met her.” 

Sébastien clears his throat and it feels like he’s choking on glass. “I was there.” 

Sébastien can’t help it, he turns his wedding ring around on his finger, a nervous habit that everyone at the table has zeroed in on.

“Well, it was beautiful right? Natasha, even though I can’t remember, I’m sure looked beautiful.”

“She wasn’t there.” Sébastien whispers brokenly.

“What?”

“She wasn’t there.” Sébastien scrubs his hands over his face and he finally lifts his left hand enough for everyone to notice the different wedding band. 

“She wasn’t there because it’s our wedding you’re remembering. Eight years ago, last month. Your parents, brother and sister in law, and nieces were there. And I was there. Because I’m your husband. And I’ve lived here for ten years, been sober for most of it, about as long as you’ve been immortal.”

Sébastien doesn’t wait for anyone to respond, takes one look at James’ face, gets up from the table, and practically runs outside.

He can vaguely hear Andy’s what the fuck? But he doesn’t care. 

He gets outside to his garden and breathes in as deep as he can as he bends over, hands on his knees, and then sinks to the ground. 

He vaguely hears the door open and then familiar footsteps as Joe steps into his line of vision.

Sébastien looks up into the face of his oldest friend, his brother, someone he has missed desperately these last ten years, and cries.

Joe lowers himself to the ground and pulls Sébastien into this chest. Sébastien puts his hands around Joe’s middle, shoulders shaking with sobs he can’t control. 

Joe lets him cry, lets him get snot and tears all over his shirt before Sébastien calms himself enough to sit back on his heels.

Joe lets him go, although he looks like he doesn’t want to.

“I’m sorry.” Sébastien croaks out.

“No, Sébastien.” Joe tsks at him. “We’re sorry.”

“For what?”

“For not being here for you, for not knowing where you were, or that you’re sober, or that Copley’s immortal, or that you got married.”

Sébastien waves him away. “I still have ninety years of my exile left. You would’ve found out eventually.”

“That’s.” Joe shakes his head like he wants to say more, but stops himself. “We’ll revisit this, once we figure out what’s wrong with Copley.”

“Le Livre.” Sébastien murmurs because he can’t help himself.

“What?”

“James. He uhh...took my last name, so Le Livre.” 

Joe smirks at him and Sébastien smiles ruefully. 

“We didn’t dream him.”

“We actually think you did. I mean, he did, but when none of you called we assumed you all just thought it was a normal dream.”

“And he died?” 

Sébastien sucks in a breath as he remembers getting a call from emergency services of an accident shortly after James had listed Sébastien as his emergency contact. 

Before Sébastien even made it to the hospital he got a splitting headache and then images of James in the hospital bed, fighting with nurses that he was okay. 

“Yeah, car accident. He was alive by the time I got to the hospital.”

Joe sucks in a breath. “He was arguing with nurses?”

“Yeah.” Sébastien chuckles.

“We did dream about him.” 

Sébastien shrugs and gets up to sit down on one of the benches he built for the garden. Joe sits down next to him and bumps Sébastien’s shoulder with his own. 

“It’s beautiful out here.”

“Merci.”

“So, you got married out here?”

“Oui. Over there, in the gazebo.” Sébastien smiles at the fond memories. 

“I’m sorry we weren’t here.”

“I know why you weren’t.” Sébastien pushes himself closer to Joe, soaking up his warmth before they all leave again. “There’s photos.”

“Really?”

“Yes, his brother in law insisted.”

“I’d love to see them.”

Sébastien pulls out his phone and shows Joe his lock screen photo. It’s James and Sébastien during their first kiss, huge smiles on their faces as confetti rains down around them. 

Joe discreetly wipes at his eyes and Sébastien chuckles.

“Beautiful.” Joe grips his hand. “We’ll figure out what’s wrong with James.”

“Honestly, I think whatever drug the other passengers were given he also got, but his immortality is fighting it, so he now has amnesia, and not a hospitalization.”

“I think you’re probably right.”

“I also don’t think it was connected to the job in Turkey. I think he just got caught in something else.”

The back door opens again and Sébastien sees James’ head pop out. Joe stands and grabs Sébastien’s shoulder as James makes his way over.

“We’ll keep looking at everything to make sure. But I think he’ll be fine.” Joe whispers. “It’s all set up in the office?”

Sébastien nods as James sits down next to him and Joe goes back inside. 

“I’m sorry.” James whispers as he looks out at the garden.

“What?” Sébastien looks at James incredulously. “Why are you sorry?”

“For forgetting. For not remembering you, our life.”

“You have amnesia. I’m not mad. You don’t need to be sorry.”

“I’m hurting you.”

“You aren’t.”

“Okay, then I did.”

“You didn’t do anything James. It was just… overwhelming.” Sébastien settles on instead of saying things like soul crushing or devastating. 

James raises an eyebrow at him and the move is so familiar that Sébastien chuckles wetly.

“Good to know I still got it.” James quips and Sébastien snorts.

“You’ve still got it, old man.”

“You can’t just steal my nickname, Sébastien.”

Sébastien’s breath catches. “What did you say?”

“I...I call you old man.”

“You remember?”

“It’s...I’m not sure, everything’s foggy.”

“Hey, it’s okay chéri. We’ll figure this out.” Sébastien grabs James’ hand without thinking and notices a slight blush high on James’ cheeks. 

“James?” Sébastien’s trying to figure out what happened to cause James to blush and then he let’s go of James’ hand. “Sorry.”

“No, I...I remember the first time you called me that.”

“Called you what?”

“Chéri.”

“Oh.” Sébastien grabs the back of his neck as he remembers the first time he called James sweetheart.

They were in bed and it was late, James had woken up from a nightmare, Natasha’s name on his lips, when Sébastien had wrapped his large arms around him, whispered sweet nothings in his ear as he kissed his head. James had settled almost immediately and then told Sébastien he loved him for the first time. 

“I don’t remember anything, but I can hear your voice saying it in the dark.”

“It was dark.” 

“You’re not telling me something.”

“I think we should let the memories rest until we figure out what happened to you.”

“Nile’s on the computer and Nicky helped me clean up dinner.”

“Sorry I just walked out.”

This time James waves him away and Sébastien gives him a wry smile.

“C’mon. Let’s keep looking at the passengers. Somebody drugged people on your plane, we need to figure out why.”

When Sébastien walks inside he stops short at the absolute hurricane his family has turned the office into. 

“Uh? 

“We figured it out!” Nile shouts and waves some papers in the air.

The breath leaves Sébastien at once and he puts his hands on his knees.

“Tell me.”

“Okay, so it looks like all of the men on the plane were drugged. Some kind of memory erasing serum, only they messed up the dosage. So some people got extremely sick, like the passengers Booker found, some didn’t get sick at all, and some are experiencing temporary amnesia. We think Copley’s immortality is fighting the effects of a larger dose.”

“So it’s temporary?”

“Looks that way. Interpol has the assholes in custody, someone squealed.”

“So we just what? Wait it out?” Sébastien looks over at James, who’s looking at the papers Nile printed. 

There’s a look of concentration on James’ face that Sébastien knows means nothing good.

“We think so. Some of the hospitalized passengers are already showing improvement.”

Sébastien nods. 

“Hey.” He slowly grabs James’ hands and pulls the papers from them. James looks at him and Sébastien’s heart breaks at the look in his eyes.

“How did they drug us?” James asks after squeezing Sébastien’s hands and stepping closer to Nile.

“Needles in the seats, would’ve happened when you sat down.”

“Merde.”

“Yeah, I fucking hate this century.” Andy snorts from her spot on the couch and everyone around the room except Nile and James nod their heads.

“Interpol called, I told them Mr. Le Livre had a migraine and was resting and we’d let them know if anything changed.” Nicky smirks. “I had to pretend to be Booker, got to dust off my French accent.”

Sébastien laughs at Nicky but turns toward James who’s looking at him oddly.

“James?” 

“Le Livre?”

“Uh.” Sébastien looks around the room and he really doesn’t want to have this conversation in front of everyone but he takes a deep breath and tells James. “It’s our last name.”

James looks surprised but must sense Sébastien’s hesitation because he just nods once. 

All of a sudden Sébastien’s exhausted. It’s barely been twelve hours since James came home but it feels like they’ve been dealing with this for days. 

“I think we’ve done all we can for now.” Sébastien whispers. “Joe and Nicky, you can have the guest room. Nile and Andy, if you don’t mind the couch in here pulls out.”

“That’s fine.” Andy nods.

Sébastien looks at the clock and winces at the late or early morning hour depending on how you look at it.

“I’m going to bed. The guest bath has extras of anything you forgot.”

At that he turns and heads toward their bedroom, grabs pajamas out of their dresser and his pillow before seeing James standing in the doorway. 

“Where are you going?”

“The couch.” Sébastien grabs another blanket from the closet before he feels James touch his arm.

“Do you usually sleep on the couch?”

“Only when I’ve been bad.” Sébastien quips without thinking about it.

James huffs a laugh and Sébastien smiles. 

“Sleep in here.”

“James.”

“Please. I...I would feel more comfortable if you were close.”

Sébastien looks at James and sees the truth in his eyes. He nods once and sets the pillows and blankets back on the bed and crawls into it to get comfortable. 

James chuckles and scoots in next to him. Sébastien wants to roll into James’ side and tuck his face into James’ neck like he usually does but instead he stays on his back. 

James turns the light off. “Goodnight Sébastien.”

“Night.” Sébastien whispers, knowing sleep will be a long time coming. 

~~~

Sébastien wakes up to James poking him. He swats at James’ hands.

“Stop it.” Sébastien grumbles in a sleep rough voice. He snuggles closer into James’ neck, content when he finally gets comfortable.

He can feel and hear James’ chuckle in response.

“Is this any way to greet me after being away for three weeks, mon amour?”

At the French endearment Sébastien shoots up and stares at James.

“James?” Sébastien croaks and James nods his head and pulls Sébastien against him.

“It’s me. I’m here.”

“You’re here.” Sébastien winds his arms around his husband and cries when James kisses him on his forehead. 

“I’m so sorry, darling.”

Sébastien just squeezes James tighter and puts his face into James’ neck. 

“I thought I lost you.” Sébastien whispers after a moment, calm enough now to move back and look into James’ eyes. 

The recognition in them makes him cry again.

“Never. You’ll never lose me.”

“You can’t promise that.”

“No. But I’ll always be here.” James puts his hand over Sébastien’s heart. 

“I love you.” Sébastien leans forward and kisses James for the first time in three weeks. 

It feels like home.

“Je t'aime.”

#the old guard #booker x copley #bopley #temporary amnesia #canon typical mentions of violence and injuries

[ibeatfor]

evolution

3/24/21

I live by the mountains

And it wasn't even by design. It just so happened that this small little place within my budget was by the foothills of the Angeles National Forest.

It was not even a year ago when a picture of me and my then husband J was immortalized in the local newspaper as we stood arm in arm watching the fire fighting being conducted on the fire raging in our "backyard".

I remember seeing the flames atop the mountains and within a hair's breadth, witnessing in awe and horror as it raced down the spine of the mountain. I think subconsciously I knew we weren't in any real danger as it hadn't crossed the street but I think I must've tugged on Inyo's leash to get him further away from the fire, as if the few inches would've made a difference. It's human instinct to withdraw from a perceived threat. His resistance pulled me out of my head and back to reality. We were (relatively) safe, why not check it out along with the bystanders and news crew that had already begun to gather? It's also human instinct to observe -it's why we inevitably rubberneck despite swearing we won't be the one to hold up traffic like that car in front of us. So we went to check it out with the crowd, 6 feet apart of course. Arm slung across each other, mine around his waist and his casually over my shoulder, we stood there watching helicopter after helicopter dump water on the patches of flames. It was this image that the photographer captured. I recall the mountains looking beat up, barren and forlorn after the fire was put out. The black scars from the ordeal showing up starkly against the blue skies made me feel bad for my beloved mountains, how they must have suffered.

Never could I imagine that months later I would be standing in the same spot alone. This time, it would just be my own two arms clasped about my small heaving self, as if to futilely hold back the overwhelming grief, feeling much the same way I imagined my mountains to look back then-beaten up and scarred.

---

So now, some more months later, as I'm out on my daily walk, I'm struck dumb by the patches of greenery that's peeping up from the mountain face. They're scattered and patchy, awkward like a teenager who isn't sure how much space to take up, but they're green and they're there nonetheless. They grow bravely and defiantly, the scars of their ordeal scabbed over by slow growth. Fundamentally I know they didn't just spring up overnight, they've been budding since the fire was put out but it still catches me by surprise. I know this but I can't help but feel taken aback because as often as I've walked this loop, I never noticed it until recently.

I flinch as I reread my past journal entries, notably the one on January 12th. Not because it’s embarrassingly raw (it is) but because it wasn't too long ago that that memory, was my reality. While I may still instinctually recoil from the memory, I can see that I've kept pace with my mountains. They've been the metronome beating steadily in the background and living by them (by lucky happenstance), I didn't realize they were also keeping me on beat, outwardly reflecting our progress in a gradual, delightful blooming of life and healing, healing and life.

When I see the dare-to-be hopeful patches of greenery bathed in the early evening sunlight, it's human, or rather, Theresa instincts to turn my face towards the warmth of the sun, to soak in its life endowing light myself.

---

3/1/21

Red cross, ActiveSGV let- I paused in the midst of compiling my mental to do list. It felt like a lifetime ago when it was all I could do to perform the bare functions of existence. Did I get out of bed before noon? Yes? Good. Did I get out of bed without breaking down? Yes? Now that was a win. Those were hard days. And while I can get out of bed before noon and without crying more reliably now, it wasn’t so long ago that I can look back without flinching at the difficulty of the memory. The possibility of relapsing, of going back to that place, is always there. But when you feel like your life as you’ve known it is being upended, you count even the small victories. I process my observation of my mid-thought with wonder. The idea that I now tentatively have enough emotional and mental bandwidth to even consider doing something else aside from making it through the day without breaking down sends a small thrill down my spine. Now that was the win of the month!

--

2/19/21

We’re creatures of habits. So when it’s a habit you’ve known for years, it’s disorientating to shake things up. This past weekend was my first road trip with R and it was enjoyable, despite my initial dread over embarking on a long journey on a Friday of a long weekend (the irony hasn’t escaped me). While it was a great first road trip together, it was also…kind of weird. Even broaching the idea of taking the trip in the first place and then planning it felt strange. I didn’t know how to navigate through these uncharted waters because I’m so used to road tripping with J. We expected to adventure on long weekends because we had established that expectations years ago. It never crossed my mind that we wouldn’t go somewhere on a long weekend.

So while I enjoyed every moment of my first road trip with R, I admit J was on my mind more often than I’d like. It was as if I was leading little Theresa forward by the hand but she kept glancing back at the past, reminiscing on how I used to do x, y, and z with J. The contrast between then and now often induced feelings of loss, longing, and heightened the sense that something was amiss, like I was going against the natural order of things. From past experience, I knew that there was only one place these devious thoughts will lead me to if I left them unchecked. So before we went down that rabbit hole, I’d give her hand as much of a reassuring squeeze as I can muster and doggedly plod on with her in tow -partially because there’s nothing else to be done at this point but mostly because I want to move forward. I can’t say with much degree of certainty that things will be better ahead, but I’d like to (have to) believe they will be.

Initially I tried to convince her not to look back and to keep her eyes always ahead and when that failed, I tried bargaining with her to not look back as often. Eventually, I relented. I allowed myself to look back as often as I needed to and that offered some relief, I was able to free myself from the guilt and the need to always keep my eyes forward.

Learning grace is part of fighting the good fight and that weekend was a prime learning opportunity. I allowed myself to look back and gave myself permission to feel everything -the discomfort from what feels like a physical wrenching of myself out of a comfortable habit and familiarity, the longing for the familiarity, the excitement of the newness, and hell, the plain strangeness of the newness. I’m learning there is space and that it’s okay to hold contradictory feelings. After all, when I’m not an Olympic medalists in mental gymnastics, I’m really a plant with more complicated emotions.

---

1/12/21

Sadness accompanies me everywhere. She trails me.

The death of a dream is always heartbreaking.

Some times I gasp aloud from the pain.

It's not your heart that aches, not for me at least. The pain is a dull, slowly pulsing pain that's nestled right underneath my heart.

I stay in the house until I can't and then I walk, heading north, until I can't. On 1/12/21, I make it as far as the northern grass patch before I have to sit down.

The sun sets as quickly, the sky flares up as quickly as I'm overcome by the pain

I wonder if I appear drunk, crunching leaves and walking until I double over.

Idk who I'm glancing around for but at this point I wouldn't mind a hug from just about anyone.

---

1/1/2021

Rustle, click, thud

I settle in the car with a rustle of clothing and plug in my phone to charge with a smart click. As the phone snaps onto the magnetic phone holder with a light thud, that’s when it usually starts. At night in cold Ole Faithful the rustle, click, thud are the sounds of my thoughts preparing to play themselves out, like the din of middle school orchestra students warming up to play. I used to dread it in the beginning, the thud signaled the arrival of unbearable sadness. Unbearable sadness was like a sharpshooter that always hit the swollen sac of sadness nestled in the hollow behind my breastbone dead on every time. The burst sac would release a mixture of pain that would flood throughout my body to the tips of all my extremities, reaching every nook and cranny. Oftentimes, I’d barely make it down the street before I’d outwardly uttered an unbidden sob and hunch over the wheel in what felt like physical pain, clutching it with all my might, the tears streaming down my face.

But now that the sadness is a little older, and maybe my tears haven softened up its heart, unbearable sadness is now just sadness and sadness stands outside the passenger door waiting patiently -but ever so ominously- for me to invite it inside. I know better than to keep it waiting so it is with slight resignation that I nod my permission and it settles in and buckles up, a faithful companion on my ride home from my nighttime forays. When I come from my mom’s house which is noisy on quiet days, being alone in Ole Faithful with my silent companion makes the silence even louder.

Rustle, click, thud. Tonight, I feel out my thoughts as they parade themselves individually to me and slowly realize that they don’t all elicit as strong of a reaction as they have before. It’s as if my reaction was ammunition and as I became less volatile, the sadness, in turn, became less violent and all consuming -it just sits there. I ease Ole Faithful onto the road and begin my journey home. While I used to dread sadness’s presence, now we sit in companionable silence. I know it’ll be around for the ride for a while.

[witchofrvnswood]

awwp rant pt. 2: the characters!

oh boy we’re finally back with part 2! 

so in part 1, i discussed plot points that i found troubling and nonsensical. this time, i’m talking about the characters and how they each pissed me off <3

note: am only doing the ones i have beef with, everyone else is cool

let’s start with sophie:

sophie

i’ll be honest, i’ve been conflicted on her character in this book for quite some time. but i think i understand my opinion on her in book 2 much better now that i’ve really thought about it. 

so this is the book where she’s probably at her most vulnerable (book 3 could be a contender too). she just lost her mind, killed many people, and is trying so hard to prove that she is good and deny everything that she had done the previous year. we also see why she behaves the way she does, with losing her mother at a young age and blaming her father for neglecting them. we understand why she goes so far to obtain love and why she ranks true love above everything else.

but her methods with dealing with this is toxic. she sees agatha as a tool for a happy ending, and it seems to come more out of desperation to belong with someone, then wanting agatha herself, as she easily dropped her for rafal and then tedros in book three. she does whatever she can to ensure agatha chooses her and only her much like tedros does in this book.

she sneaks out and follows agatha, makes agatha believe tedros tried to hurt her, comforted her and claimed she had “warned agatha” but also acted super forgiving as if agatha was the one who was in the wrong for doubting her and when the truth comes out, pins it all on agatha for trying to choose someone besides. her. now, agatha is not completely in the right in this situation, but what sophie does is so manipulative and cunning. without knowing her backstory and sympathizing with her, she would easily be soon as a cruel and toxic person.

her time as filip was very humbling for her and she realized what she did was completely wrong and she begans to sympathize with tedros and realize maybe he isn’t the villain of the story like she painted him to be. of course, this goes a bit far and she finds herself attracted to him.... which..... did not need to happen considering how toxic their relationship was in book 1.

at the end, she chose rafal out of desperation to be loved, showing she still hasn’t changed and ended up staying with him as he supposedly was the only person in the world who still loved her. (wrong very wrong he’s awful but we’ll get to that later-)

tedros

bro. broooooo. when i tell you i wanted to throw the darn book when i read his scenes in the first half of the book-

when dovey was explaining tedros’ actions after sophie and agatha left, i could not believe it, i thought she had to be joking because no way does an individual overreact to THAT point.

he literally wanted to murder sophie as revenge for taking agatha away from him?? what?? is he mentally okay? i understand seeing her as a barrier between them because, yeah, he’s always been insecure cause his dad’s best friend stole his mom away from him so that must’ve hit a nerve, but agatha willingly went with sophie. why does he need to hurt sophie over this? it’s up to agatha who she chooses, not sophie. and she chose him! she told him right to his face that she chose him and he’s still like “no we have to kill sophie first-” sir-

not to mention how generally messed up this message is? tedros claims that you can’t be in a relationship and have friends at the same time. what?? why is this in the book? why is this even a theme? of course you should be able to have friends and have a relationship, when did that suddenly become impossible?

 “I let her live last time and she took you! I can’t make the same mistake, Agatha. I can’t lose you again!” (Chapter 12). this is basically tedros trying to cut off agatha’s friendship because he knows she’s close with sophie and is worried she’ll choose her over him and he sees his only solution to this to be killing sophie. honestly, if i were agatha, i would be fucking terrified of him, like when i was reading it i was thinking “run from this relationship please-”

which sucks because i’m a huge tagatha fan but they were undeniably toxic in this book for me.

in the second half though, that’s when i started feeling bad for him because he genuinely thought he got betrayed by agatha too and ugh that killed me bc after her, he had no hope for happiness left and that’s why he turned to revenge, but the moment he freed the teachers, he got locked up, starved, beaten, and tortured which is ??

i wouldn’t wish that on anyone (except aric lawl) and god he did not deserve that i felt so horrible for him. everyone turned against him, the entire school hated him, he fully believed his true love betrayed him, and he got beaten by aric every single night. as much as i despised him before this point, he did not deserve any of that and i’m so glad filip came when he? she? did because yeah it’s tophie all over again (yikes) but he REALLY needed a friend then and i’m so happy he got one.

ONLY TO GET BETRAYED BY HIM AGAIN RIP. sorry that was not needed but ahem

i was so so happy when he realized agatha never lied and ended up going home with her, as much as i hated the ending, i was happy for him and only him, boy’s been through too much.

but overall, i’d say i dislike him as a character in this book but i also felt super bad for him?? book 2 is so complicated y’all i have so many mixed feelings about everyone in this book.

agatha

okay. so. i keep going back and forth between being fucking annoyed at her and feeling bad for her which i feel is an understandable summary of how she is in this book.

her being scared of sophie - i completely understand that. i’d be surprised if she wasn’t. this is a girl who tried to kill her, tore her down, and went batshit crazy just nine months ago and is now suddenly calm but there’s still a bad vibe to her? and she chose her over someone who finally treated her well, finally saw her as an equal, and showed her that she doesn’t have to bear so much burden just to be loved back.

but i honestly felt kind of annoyed at how she automatically, no hesitation wanted to stay with tedros forever and never look back. um. honey. let’s break this down. we’re talking about a boy she has had no contact with for nine months, wasn’t even in a solid relationship with before she left, and said boy probably has beef with her for leaving him in the first place. and she feels completely fine with sneaking into his school and telling him she wants to be with him forever the SAME day she got back.

what??? is??? this???

this is the same agatha who berated sophie for trying to get with tedros the same day she met him without even knowing him well, right? the same agatha who you’d expect to be smart and think through emotional decisions like these, right? did they replace her personality what???

i get the coven pushed her to meet him immediately but this was just so poorly planned out and so tactless i can’t help but judge her sorry hun.

after that she makes herself believe sophie is good and perfect and maybe this is just her lying to herself because she’s mad at herself for choosing tedros but reading about her talking about how sophie is so amazing and perfect and loves her more than anything compared to being ready to bolt at the sight of her was just so fake. can we talk about how fake their friendship in this book? how fake it is in general? i think wbk.

at the end she finds out sophie lied despite the obvious clues (the scim suit (WHY WOULD BEATRIX USE IT), the spirick marks on sophie’s wrist yada yada yada) and she dumps her ass for tedros and decides they’re staying together forever despite barely knowing him as a person not to mention he just tried to kill her um-

(where is the logic in this book please help me i can’t seem to find it-)

the coven

i’ll be honest: they annoyed the HELL out of me in this book. well, specifically anadil and hester. they pressured agatha to choose tedros and go to him on the first day she got back (BAD PLAN) all so they could return to normal,,, which i guess isn’t out of character for them to do anything to get what they want but it really wasn’t their business? or at least they had no right to be as pushy as they were.

not to mention how HORRIBLE they were to dot. oh my god. the way they treated her in this book was disgusting and the lowest point in their friendship. at first i passed it off as them being hurt that dot replaced them and were lashing out because they had no better way to deal with their problems, which is true but also?? let’s not forget they BULLIED dot so bad in their first year and even kicked her out and replaced her with sophie and as far as we know, they never apologized for it. can we really blame dot for wanting new and kinder friends?

but even then they persisted to isolate her from others, shut down her book club which she used to make friends, and ended up forcing herself to gain weight if she wanted to keep their friendship. y’all i don’t even think anyone realizes how toxic the coven can be at times, the books spend a lot of time solidifying their frienship to the point that it ignores how awful it was at first. and not to mention dot is used to this treatment as she’s been physically and emotionally abused by her father, so as much as she dislikes their treatment of her, she still sees them as her friends and she will do anything to keep them.

i’m glad dot has learned to stand up for herself and gave it back to hester in tlea but god was her and anadil’s treatment of her sickiening.

professor dovey

i did not like her scene in the beginning of this book. she was awful to agatha and sophie and kept tossing blame for how the woods changed on them and yelling at agatha for not choosing tedros - um, she had a split second to decide and her friend literally died and came back to life a minute ago, how was she expected to leave her?

i dunno the way she berated them really got on my nerves because they’re just 15 year olds? they didn’t ask for their story to be told or for their personal relationships to affect the entire world? yes, if it had to be pointed towards anyone, it’s them, but instead of comforting them and trying to help them find a way to fix this, she goes all pointing fingers and straight up saying it would be easier if sophie was dead (not gonna lie i had a good giggle when i read this part but if you think about, that’s actually really sickening).

i’ll be honest, i love professor dovey as a character but she just seemed so cruel in book 2 i mean i get she was super frustrated but these children are confused and distraught enough already? she’s their teacher, she’s supposed to look after them but instead she just insulted them and stressed them out.

as for lady lesso, yes she did the same, but that was pretty in character for her. yes, it was wrong of her, but idk it’s something you would expect from her and she’s known to be the type to be tough on her students, while dovey is just not like that at all. and also, dovey was WAY more mean and short-tempered in this mean, i have to say.

evelyn sader

she was... an interesting villain. super cunning super devious i really admired her except for her doing all of this toxic feminism bullshit (which was honestly already bad enough!) for rafal,  A MAN. WHAT. how does that make ANY sense?

evelyn: #kam2020 make them boys your slaves we got this in the bag girls

also evelyn: omg rafal senpai notice me uwu i did all of this for you *gestures towards girls annihilating boys*

anyways her death was um... shocking. rip. or maybe not.

aric

do- do i have to go into this one? killing yara, torturing tedros, being misogynistic, honestly pick one, i just don’t have the energy to rip him apart for the thousandth time.

#the school for good and evil #school for good and evil #sge #schoolforgoodandevil #theschoolforgoodandevil #TWO WHOLE DAYS TO TYPE THIS BYE I AM TAKING A LONG LONG NAP #sorry if these were a bit harsh/too salty/made absolutely no sense i was gonna edit it but then i decided to Not because #idk my full unedited feelings are infinitely superior?