#I feel like I'll just be miserable until the end of my days and sit here in my uncreative depressive sad hole and feel sorry for myself

[harrystylesfan2686]

Pieces Part 3

Pairing: Azriel x Reader

Summary: the aftermath of the break up has different effects on both, Azriel and Reader.

A/N: yall I'm sick🥲 the updates might be late but I'll try to post as much as possible. Hope you like this one!

Pieces Masterlist

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It's been one month.

One month of Healing.

When azriel left, I told myself that I will not contact him until I'm ready. Doesn't matter how much I'm missing him or wanting him. I will not talk to him until I know I won't take him back the second I see him again.

I gave myself two days. Two days to sulk all I wanted. I spent the whole time crying and feeling miserable about myself. Before Az left at least, I wasn't by myself. At least I saw him once a day.

Now? Nothing.

I am totally alone. His absence hit me Hard. Everything I saw, almost brought me to my knees.

The kitchen where we would make dinner together, laughing and joking with each other that many times ended with us covered in flour and syrup.

The couch where we would sit cuddling and talking until we fell asleep, always waking up with strained muscles.

His office where he would sit on his chair in front of his desk, writing out reports and whatnot while I sit in his armchair reading my book. Just enjoying each others company and occasionally taking breaks to make out on the very deck, and then some.

After those dreadful days though, I called Feyre and Mor and had a very much needed girls night. We took out a wine bottle and I spilled everything to them. My mind was too drunk to think my feelings about Elain might offend Feyre but she genuinely felt sad for me and embarrassed about her sister. The poor girl even apologised to my about Elain's behavior to which I immediately told her it wasn't her fault.

When I told them how lonely it got being alone in a big house like this, they suggested maybe I should get a job or something to keep my mind distracted and promised that they'll visit me often. So I did juat that.

I found a part time job at a local library. I have to admit, I'm really enjoying it. I'm the second assistant to the sweetest lady, Hilda, who owns the shop. I don't do much, just help her in small things like adjusting books on self or helping in shipping books out or in. Layla, the first assistant, handles most of the work around the shop. My job is basically doing what she asks of me. The salary isn't much but I don't care because it's never been about money.

The first week was very hard. Everyday after I came home, the silence felt like a slap on the face, reminding me of everything I lost.

But, slowly, I became comfortable with it. Now it's doesn't hurt me as it did before.

There were many times when I think of Azriel, tears filled my eyes, but I never let them free. I sucked them in and did anything else that didn't made me cry, like taking baths, baking my favorite chocolate brownies, reading in front of the fire place while drinking hot coco or calling my friends to take me shopping.

And as time went. I started to heal. I started to feel good, happier with myself. And without even realizing it, I started to love myself.

-☆-

Azriel

It's been one month.

One month of regretting everything I did to my mate.

I've spent my whole month sulking in this room, crying and regretting everytime I chose Elain over my wife. I haven't slept at all since I came here, just enough to keep me functioning. My appetite is gone. I don't eat unless Rhys come and force feeds me like I'm some baby.

I told Rhysand and Cassian everything the first morning i stayed here. Which earned me a flick to head by Cassian and a very disappointed look from Rhys. Even though they didn't give me any scolding(which I very much deserved), the flick and expression said enough.

Rhys has refrained me of any work, handling it himself or having someone else do it. While I have been sitting around here and hating myself. It seems like even my mind has declared itself an enemy, showing me memories of everytime I dismissed Y/N and hurt her in any way at most random times, cutting a deeper cut in my heart everytime.

"Hey Az, I was thinking if we could go out for dinner tonight? There is this new amazing restaurant I saw while walking near Sidra. I really want to try it." She told me as I put on my coat, ready to go.

"I can't, I have a mission for today. Rhys told me it's important so I can't skip. We'll go some other time. Okay?"

"Ok."

I could hear the excitement in her voice when she asked me and the hurt when I rejected her and promised to go another time. The time never came. She never asked again. And I never noticed.

"Az, are you awake?" She whispers in the dead of night. Both of us sleeping on the bed. My back to her, hoping to fall asleep quickly because I have early training tomorrow.

Cassian is spending time with Nesta more, so Rhys has told me to go to an illyrian camp to check how things are going. I have to wake and go there early to catch them off guard to see what's truly going on.

I can't do that if Y/N doesn't let me sleep.

I didn't answer her that night, hoping if i dont respond, she'll think im asleep and doesnt call me again. She really didnt call me again. I prioritized my sleep over her. Her voice sounded so small. She needed me. And I didn't care.

"So, I saw a really cute baby in garden today and..." I drone out her babbling and try to quickly I can get out of here, I promised Elain to help in her garden today. She'll be disappointed if I show up late.

"Az? You're listening to me right?" She suddenly questions, I clear my throat and answer a small, of course, she nods and takes a deep breath, not saying anything anymore. I sign in relief of the silence.

I put my head in my hands and tug hard on my hair, wanting to feel hurt, hurt the kind that she clearly felt and I didn't care.

I hate myself more and more as memories flash through my mind. I can't even cry at this point. I wished she'd hit me when we fought. Slaped and paunched some sense into me. I don't blame her at all for not talking to me. Gods, I wouldn't even blame her if she left me. I deserve it.

How do I fix this?

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Taglist: @cleverzonkwombatsludge @crazylokonugget @going-through-shit @wallacewillow0773638 @kalulakunundrum @cat-or-kitten

#acotar fandom #acotar #acotar fanfiction #acotar angst #azriel #azriel angst #azriel x you #azriel x reader #pieces

[invisiblestringmm]

chapter one

secrets i have held in my heart are harder to hide than i thought

pairing: fem!reader x mason mount

summary: A one night fling that turned into the reason of your whole life, then a month of falling in love with him… until he ghosted you. Mason was never there to watch her grow, completely unaware of his daughter’s existence. It was just you and Lilian Maisie against the world until fate decided play with you and change that — now you have to face the consequences of your decision to keep him out of her life for almost five years. And also try not to fall for him again when he reveals to be the best dad to your little girl.

author: I hope you enjoy this as much as I do. Thank you for sticking around, it means a lot!

warnings: this chapter contains fluff, angst, mentions of a tough pregnancy, language.

word count: 4.879k

Watching her was one of your favourite things to do; the way the soft dark brown curls bounced as she swayed around the living room, the way her cheerful laugh echoed every corner of the house and those big, brown eyes sparkled with pure innocent bliss - Lily was your everything, she was your whole life and though, at first, being a young single mum terrified your entire being, she became the reason of your existence. It felt like a lifetime, but it was just four years before that day that you were sitting where your dad was, on that large and comfortable armchair, with your feet up as you stared at a tummy poking out. You remember how that was the first time after finding out you were pregnant that you went from miserable to somewhat joyous to know a tiny human was growing inside you.

FOUR YEARS BEFORE

Every little thing bothered you to the point you’d grab the first object in front of you and throw it against the wall. Your hormones were everywhere, the nausea was unbearable and you knew it was a matter of time until you’d find yourself with another IV fluid bag hanging on your bedside. Four months of what had already earned the first place on your “lifetime worst experiences” list, when it shouldn’t be like this. You should be happy, and thrilled, planning your days and making a list of potential boy and girl names for your child. But you weren’t, considering this was far from what you expected of your first pregnancy.

The long sigh that parted your lips clashed against the daunting yet peaceful silence that took over Foxwoods House the minute your parents went out for grocery shopping after you insisted you’d be fine on your own for a few hours and how much you needed it. Even if they meant well and were just making sure you were healthy enough to be on your feet, all the attention could be suffocating, though their attention wasn’t focused only on you. Though exhausted, you tried your best to focus on relaxing once your eyes closed. 

Breathe in, breathe out. 

Slowly, you felt lighter, your body finally relaxing on your dad’s favourite armchair, and, unconsciously, your hands rested on your stomach and your eyes shot open when you noticed that there was something there that wasn’t the last time you touched it. Avoiding any kind of touching, talking, and staring at yourself in the mirror had been your way of coping with your new reality, even if it wasn’t a smart way of doing it. It wasn’t easier, either. 

“Oh hello,” you whispered, poking your tummy with your index finger. “I don’t think you can even listen to me yet, but… can you bear with me, peanut? Hm?” Brushing your thumb against your skin, your eyes burned with tears. You wanted things to work out, you wanted that kid to be born into a healthy environment even if it included just you — of course, your parents would be there, but in the end, you’d be a single mum. The idea of it terrified you but, deep down, you could feel some courage sparkling.

“I’m still new to this mummy thing, and I hope you’ll like me once you’re here with us, running around… but I promise you that I'll do my best.” 

Finally, you allowed the tears you were holding to fall, wetting your cheeks as you sniffed and quietly rubbed your stomach. For the first time since the pregnancy test was positive, you felt love engulfing you most softly. You felt peace and a strong motivation to fight for your child’s happiness. You’d be their best friend, the first person they’d think of whenever they needed something or whenever they were happy, sad, or confused. You’d be their everything because, as you watched that tiny bump, you realised they were your everything too.

PRESENT DAY

The final whistle blow and the loud groan that parted your dad’s lips brought you back from memories of the early and hard pregnancy days.

 It wasn’t the first time you watched your dad so upset that England was out of another World Cup, but this time Lily mimicked everything he did and as torturing as it was to watch, it was also funny. Both clapped their hands in front of the TV, mumbling words of encouragement to the squad though they obviously couldn’t hear it. Lily was dressed in her England kit, one of the many your dad bought her along with Arsenal kits, as he was a die-hard gunner and used to take her to most of the matches with him. There was no way Lily would grow up without football being such a huge part of her life. It was part of her and who she was, it was in her DNA - even if no one but you and your best friend knew about that.

Watching the scene in front of you became harder when he was on your dad’s big flat screen, and though your daughter was mimicking her grandad, she was the spitting image of him. Her dad.

For the past four years, you’ve found yourself doing your best to run from him but Mason Mount was pretty much everywhere you looked, being Chelsea’s star boy and part of the England squad. It hurt you, it opened a wound that you fought so hard to heal but he had to come back to haunt you now and then. You’d turn your look away, turn off the TV, and ignore his face whenever you drove by Stamford Bridge - but he was everywhere. He was on Lily’s face, bottom nose, and all. And, as far as you reminisced of his laugh, hers sounded identical. 

It hurt, it cut deep, and it made you swallow hard the horrible sensation that effortlessly took full control of you - so you had to inhale and exhale at a slow pace as soon as your sight blurred. Mason not being there for her still made you feel vulnerable, and not good enough for your daughter for you often felt like you were keeping her from being happier as she was always mentioning how much she wished her daddy was around, and you had either to make up dumb excuses or distract her with something else. You’d often listen to her through the baby monitor, crying out in whispers for her daddy - it always sounded like she was praying.

The warmth of your mum’s touch, softly squeezing your arm, made you feel slightly better and safe. She didn't know who Lily's dad was, but she knew what went through your mind whenever you spent too long gazing at your daughter. Not knowing the full story never stopped her from fully understanding you - she was a mum too.

“I'm alright,” you reassured her before she could say something, and watched her lips form a delicate line as a reaction to your words. She knew you were far from being alright - with Lily asking more questions than ever about her dad - but didn’t know what to say. It was something she’s never been through and thought you were both brave and a bit stupid for dealing with it all on your own, when even your dad, who wasn’t as warm as her, was entirely supportive since Lily became part of your lives. You adored them even more for being so respectful of your decisions.

“I never judged you and I never will, and I still wish you’d talk to me as you’ve always done… including anything affecting my granddaughter,” your mum confessed, doing her best to hide she was a bit upset, but failing miserably.

You nodded, moving your stare from Lily to your mum. “I see him every time I look at her, and it hurts me.”

“Because you still have feelings for him?”

“I don’t,” you were as quick as possible on clearing that question, it felt like a lifetime ago that Mason was the reason for the butterflies in your stomach and he managed to end that himself with his stupid behaviour. “It hurts me because my daughter is being deprived of a life with her father around.”

“You can always find him and tell him,” your mum moved her hand from your arm to your back, rubbing it softly.

“It’s not-” you sighed, brows furrowed, as your eyes searched for Lily again. “It’s not that simple.”

“It’s always simple, love. As a mum, you know it’s always simple when it comes to making your child happy.”

Always the optimist, your mum pecked your cheek before leaving you alone with your thoughts. Not knowing the truth never stopped her from giving you advice that’d often feel right, but so wrong at the same time. If Mason was any other normal guy, you would’ve let him know the day Lily was born and you held her in your arms for the first time, seeing how much she looked like him. 

You would’ve let him know the day she took her first steps.

You would’ve let him know the day she screamed her first word - a loud, cheerful “goal” when Arsenal scored, making your dad the proudest grandad in the world.

You would’ve let him know the day she kicked a ball for the first time.

You would’ve let him know because you’ve always wanted Mason around, simply for being around and raising that beautiful girl as best as you both could. But there you were, doing it practically alone.

“Mummy,” Lily woke you up from your thoughts, softly pulling your sweater while curiously staring at you with her big hazel eyes. She giggled when you took her in your arms, sitting her on the kitchen counter with her little legs around your waist. “Are you sad it’s not coming home?”

“Well, baby… I’m a bit sad because grandpa is sad,” you watched her pout, nodding in agreement, as you played with her hair around your fingers. “Why don’t you go there and give him all the smooches in the world, huh? Maybe that’ll cheer the old man up a bit.”

Lily nodded again, a bit more cheerfully this time and you put her back down, watching her rush to her grandpa he nestled her in his arms as she kissed his face and squeezed his cheeks with her chubby hands. The truth was you were more than glad that the torture was finally over, with no more of him on your TV while your dad proudly cheered for England and, consequently, for Mason whenever his gorgeous face showed up.

For the rest of the weekend, you enjoyed the cosiness of Foxwoods House and that included long walks with Lily, baking with your mum, and playing poker with your dad while you shared half a bottle of whiskey - one of many in his collection. 

Although you loved London, a life away from the city’s fuss had always been your goal, even more so after Lily was born so you’d often take advantage of your parents owning that huge estate and drive to Cotswolds to enjoy a few quiet days with your girl. You could tell how much she loved, always bringing up that there were just two things that’d make your getaway even more perfect: her daddy and a puppy. Usually, you’d just give her a smile as an answer and kiss her forehead, but on your drive back to London you thought about how Foxwoods would be such a great place for some family time.

On Monday, you quietly walked into the usual warmth of your office, only nodding at a few colleagues who cheerfully welcomed you back after a disappointing weekend for football fans. You spotted Willow, your childhood friend, walking towards you with two mugs of the steamy coffee you always shared in the morning in each hand, and a smile splattered on her face - to which you frowned, because Willow had never been the one in a good mood in the morning.

“I’m guessing you had a fun weekend?” You asked, taking a mug from her hand and closing the door behind you as she made herself comfortable by sitting in the armchair by the window.

“You’d know if you returned my calls, Y/n.”

“And you know how my dad is,” you shrugged, feeling your body happily welcome the hot liquid. A large dose of caffeine and chatting with your best friend was always the best way to start the day, and you were lucky to work in the same place as he – just a few doors away as you two were responsible for different departments at the Swedish fintech you’ve been working for a couple of years. “No phones allowed when it’s Foxwoods weekend unless it’s-”

“An emergency,” she chuckled. “I know, I know.”

“So?” You raised an eyebrow, waiting for her to tell you whatever she had to tell, as you lazily checked a few emails.

“I was feeling a bit bored on Saturday morning and decided to go to Paris.”

“Willow, you’re so fucking random…” You sighed and she rolled her eyes.

“Met with Arthur there, and we spent the weekend together.”

Arthur, her longtime french fling, the idiot who only showed up when he wanted something from poor delusional Willow.

“Well, can’t say I’m surprised, because I’m not,” you moved your eyes from the laptop screen to your friend, who still had that same smile on her face. “Why are you so happy, though?”

“I met his parents.”

“He introduced you to them?”

Then, when she sighed, you knew it wasn’t as she wanted you to believe and she was making a fool of herself again for a guy who just wasn’t interested. This time, there wasn’t a single trace of pride for being right, because it meant your best friend was now hurt. Deeply hurt. You watched her nervously chew the inside of her cheeks, sipping her coffee and looking out through the window as if there was anything fascinating outside.

“Hey,” you called her, bright green eyes looking at you. “Lily’s ballet recital is right before Christmas and rehearsals start today. Come with me.”

Finally, she flashed you a smile; one you loved seeing for a sad Willow made no sense as she’s always been the happiest person in your life, always cheering up everyone and looking after people while you looked after her, so she’d be fine too. The bond you two shared became stronger when you found out you were pregnant, and Willow had been there since day one - appointments, baby shopping, days you spent at the hospital due to HG¹, and sleepless nights when it hit you that Lily would grow up without her dad around. There was no one like Willow, she was the sister you never had.

You wrapped up work a bit earlier than usual so you’d, for once, make it in time for your daughter’s ballet class. It wasn’t unusual for your mum to pick her up from school and take her to classes, and even so, sometimes you’d arrive 10 minutes after all the mums had picked up their little ones once class was over. It made you feel horrible seeing Lily there, anxiously waiting for you, and getting overly enthusiastic when spotted you arriving at the studio - she’d smooch your entire face, and tell you how much she loved and missed you.

“Mummy,” she called you, squeezing your hand as you walked to the studio with Willow on your side. Looking down, you smiled so she’d continue. “Ice cream after ballet?”

How could a wrong choice in life guide you to this? To her? Almost four years later and it still overwhelmed you, because you never believed you had that unique thing that’d make you a mum, but somehow, you managed it just fine — with extra help from your family and friends, unquestionably, but at the end of the day it was just you and Lily. And her fish, of course. The only pet you allowed her to have for now, so she’d start to have some sort of notion of commitment. 

“We’ll see about that, peanut, but if we go then it’s on auntie Willie.” Lily giggled as a reply, entertained by the funny scowl on her godmother’s face for she knew that auntie Willie would do anything and everything she asked. 

“I’ll pay if you eat dinner first, Lils!” Willow said, and Lily sighed in return, as if her life was the most complicated she now had a tough decision to make.

She remained in silence for a while as you chatted about work with Willow, an important deadline approaching right before Christmas break and she knew someone would have to interfere or the firm would lose such a significant client like Nike. You thought that was the issue of making partnerships with companies that had their marketing branch and the ideas had to match.

That gentle hand squeeze was there again, Lily looking at you with her big, brown eyes that softened your entire being. “Mummy,” she called. “Can Summer come too if we go get ice cream?”

Summer, the ballet bestie you never met because you always dropped Lily at the studio later than the other kids normally arrived, and she was gone before you went back to the studio to pick up your daughter. You only knew what she looked like because one day Lily came home with a cute Polaroid picture of the two of them, taken by Miss Albright, the teacher. Your heart melted a little at how precious that was, the two girls clutching each other, tiny chubby arms around each other and big smiles on their faces — you could even swear they looked alike, maybe that was a bestie thing. 

“First I have to meet her mummy and make sure she trusts me, so she feels safe to leave her baby girl with me.” 

“Just like you do, mummy?” You nodded, a big proud smile on your lips at how easily Lily understood things. “My legs are tired.” She said, completely changing the subject and stretching both arms at you so you could carry her but Willow was faster and nestled Lily in her arms.

“A ballerina with tired legs? Oh my,” Willow faked a shocked expression, hands on her chest as she gasped, getting a cheerful giggle from Lily. You loved how she closed her eyes and tilted her head back whenever she laughed - your chest clenched at her adorableness.

“I played footy at school today, auntie.” Lily covered her mouth with her small hand, letting out a loud yawn. Your heart skipped a beat for a second, sharing a look full of meaning with your best friend as Lily laid her head on Willow’s shoulder and closed her eyes. “Mr. Martin said I’m good.” She mumbled.

Of course, she was good. How could she not be good at something that was part of who she was?

Willow gave you a comforting smile, knowing how much this could affect your mood, as you walked in silence into the ballet studio; a smiley Miss Albright welcomed you, gently pinching Lily’s chubby legs with a kind smile curling her lips. She was the most loving and understanding lady.

Lily quickly awakened from her short nap, impatiently wiggling her legs in the air so Willow would put her down. She stormed out to meet her classmates after blowing you and Willow a kiss - you left out a soft gasp, allowing the blissful effect that your daughter had on you to fully embrace you. Lily was constantly full of energy, always beaming, brightening the room every time she walked in.

Like her daddy, who had no idea about her existence.

A soft poke on your shoulder woke you up from your thoughts and you turned around to face a heavily pregnant woman accompanied by, apparently, her mum, considering they looked a lot like each other. They were both smiling at you, and the youngest pointed at your daughter, who was now clutching a little girl.

“Which of you are Lily’s mum?”

“Guilty,” you raised a hand, eyebrows softly furrowed as you let out a giggle. Taking another peek at the two little ballerinas, you frowned at how indeed they looked alike. It was easy to identify that one. “I assume that’s Summer, and you’re her mum?”

“Jasmine, but you can call me Jaz,” you shook hands, smiling at each other. She introduced you to Debbie, her mum, and you introduced her to Willow who quickly engaged in a cheerful chat with the woman.

“I’m Y/n. It’s lovely to finally meet you, Lily just won’t shut up about Summer,” you giggled, thinking of the never-ending talks about how your daughter’s ballet bestie is the… best. 

“She’s Summer’s current favourite person,” Jasmine said, linking her arm to yours and walking you to where the other mums were. That sudden loving gesture made a soft smile curl the sides of your lips - you weren’t friends with other mums, especially the ones from school. They were so hard to bond and you missed having someone else - who wasn’t your mum - who’d understand your daily routine of wonderful moments and struggling as a mum.

It was easy being around them, your mum arrived at the studio shortly before class started, and quickly bonded with Debbie about the wonders of being a grandmother; how they both spoiled the girls and were spoiled by them. 

The rehearsal went on fine, full of the cuteness of 4-year-old girls in baby pink tutus. You were happy to be there, so you could see how happy your daughter was as she occasionally waved between clumsy pliés and pirouettes. Nonetheless, she was a natural, and you weren’t being too biased — as a ballet dancer herself, Willow made sure to point out all the right things Lily was doing. Watching Lily so focused on everything Miss Bennett said, all the instructions she gave, and how your little one did everything so clumsy yet so perfectly made your eyes burn a little with some tears. You’d still think she was the most perfect creature even if she wasn’t your daughter.

Once the rehearsal ended, you spotted Lily yawning and blinking heavily, but you knew she’d remember the ice cream. Sometimes, you couldn’t negotiate nor change the little one’s mind, and she got all that stubbornness from you. 

“Mummy,” she started, and you took her in your arms, pressing soft kisses all over her face as she giggled.

“I know, my little monster. I didn’t forget your ice cream.”

When you invited your mum and best friend for dinner, they both apologised over and over, saying their time off had been exclusive to Lily’s rehearsal and they had to go — your mum, to your dad, because even after 30 years together they just couldn’t stay away from each other; and your best friend, back home, because she needed to meet her dad for dinner. That was when, kindly, Jaz invited you and Lily for Italian at a place she loved; when your daughter looked up to you with her best puppy eyes and the biggest pout she could pull off, you couldn’t say no. Lily knew very well that most of the time she did that you’d quickly say yes, the dimples showing up when she pouted made your heart melt.

And you were also looking forward to seeing your daughter and her new bestie interacting as if they were two adults, which happened, for your amusement. Though you were engaged in chatting with Jaz and Debbie, who were two sweethearts, you couldn’t help but feel completely hypnotised by how Lily behaved throughout the whole time you spent at the restaurant; she shared a colouring book with Summer and they both talked about school, ballet shoes, and pink tutus. 

Bonding with the two women was easy, especially with Jaz. You found out that Lily and Summer almost shared a birthday, with your daughter being just a few days older than hers; that you both had big families although you were an only child and she had three siblings. Debbie quickly explained that the siblings part was a bit complicated, but easy to understand, and in the end they were all family; she didn’t get into a detailed explanation, though, which you didn’t mind for it kept you from having to share something just because they shared too, although you noticed some curiosity sparkle in Debbie’s eyes when you mentioned it was just you and Lily living in a brand new flat that had more space. Your father kept teasing you about giving his favourite girl a puppy for Christmas, and you knew it’d end up in more than just teasing so you’ve decided that more space would be needed considering Lily wanted a golden retriever.

“Don’t forget about Moana, mummy!” The fish, your daughter remembered, to which you just nodded with a smile on your lips. 

You watched Lily having her strawberry ice cream as if there was no tomorrow, and you could only hope all that sugar wouldn’t keep her from falling asleep right after you bathed her or it’d be a long night trying to calm her down from a sugar rush. Jaz was going through the same struggle as she watched Summer; you noticed her eyes widening a bit but she giggled each time her daughter hummed in delight with one spoon after another of her chocolate ice cream.

When you said your goodbyes after sharing the bill, and before you left, Debbie kindly invited you and Lily over on Saturday for lunch, so the girls could spend a day together, playing, something they didn’t get the chance to do yet.

“Jaz will have her mocktail and I can make us some mojitos,” the woman said; Lily looked at you again with her pleading brown eyes, blinking heavily as she let out a long yawn.

“We’d love that, Debbie.”

After exchanging phone numbers and Instagram accounts, you went in different directions of the street - you wanted to squeeze both Lily’s and Summer’s cheeks when they blew each other a kiss after a long hug. Happiness washed over you seeing that it wasn’t hard for your daughter to make friends, and bond, even if not having her father around clearly affected her behaviour sometimes, often noticing that she, sometimes, was a bit needy and clingy - but also extremely kind and sweet.

Soon, you were home and while Lily went straight to her bedroom to pick clean pyjamas, you quickly fed her fish and met your daughter already waiting for you in the bathroom; ready for her bubble bath. Even clearly tired, she chatted the whole time, telling you how much she enjoyed dinner and that Summer was her best friend in the world - she also thanked you for being an incredible mummy and allowing her to spend Saturday with her friend, which made you swallow a sob at how adorable your daughter was. Raising that wonderful little girl mostly on your own was tough, but moments like this were proof of the fantastic job you were doing. 

Thankfully, after properly tucked under the covers, Lily mumbled an ‘I love you mummy’ and quickly fell asleep. You gently pressed your lips against her forehead, getting a sigh from her in return as if she had been waiting for it; when you walked into your bedroom, flickering heavily as you yawned, Lily was already snoring lightly - you chuckled at the baby monitor. You showered, switched into your pyjamas, and decided to check on your social media once you found yourself after the covers: there was a text message from Jaz but it was too late for a reply, and she also followed you on Instagram; you smiled at a picture of Summer in a pink tutu and of another one where the little one was between her parents, a wide smile, and her tiny arms was over their shoulders. 

But you wish you had never met Jasmine, or that your daughter had never met Summer at all when you found a picture of her entire family at a stadium, all of them dressed in England jerseys and a familiar face in the middle was on your screen when you decided to zoom in on the photo. You dropped your phone on your stomach, feeling your mouth instantly drying and your eyesight blurring - if you weren’t already in bed, the weakness you felt spreading from your legs through your body would bring you to the floor. 

Breathe, Y/n.

That was Mason, and it didn’t take you much to realise who precisely he was. Or who Jasmine was.

Mason was her brother.

Not believing what your eyes just saw, you went back to scrolling through her Insta and you felt your whole body trembling now, tears filling your eyes and rolling freely down your cheeks; there were a bunch of pictures with him, of the entire family on Christmas, of him with Summer. You felt the urge to vomit, your heart pounding against your chest so loud you could nearly listen to it. 

Mason was her damn brother.

Mason, the father of your daughter.

Lilian Maisie.

********* words:

HG: hyperemesis gravidarum: A severe type of nausea and vomiting during pregnancy.

#mason mount imagine #mason mount fanfic #mason mount x reader #mason mount x y/n #mason mount x you #mason mount series

[gh0stlyfixation]

5 reasons you’ve cried while pregnant

Johnny “Soap” McTavish

Simon “Ghost” Riley addition here

John Price addition here

Tagging: @birthofvcnus

1. Poor johnny got the shot end of the stick when you became pregnant, you were mean. Pickles were something you craved and sheathed you liked them before or not, you sure as hell did now. But to make Johnny's life a little harder, it had to be the McDonald’s pickles.

“I just need a lot of pickles, like a lot.” Johnny says to the women at the register.

“Sir, I can’t give just pickles.” She tells him.

Johnny takes a deep breath, “I cannot and will not go home without the pickles, my wife is pregnant and mean. Please, I need the pickles I'll pay for a whole meal, please.” Johnny says, begging the poor woman. She walks away for a few trying to see what she should do.

She comes back, a very large jar of pickles, “on the house. Good luck.” She tells him.

You nearly cry at the sight of pickles and to the generous lady at McDonald’s. Full on sobbing

2. It’s month 5 and you’ve been on a silent hunt for a puppy. Simon's wife had put her mind on adopting a puppy after she adopted a cat. It’s all you wanted now but to no avail, you couldn’t find the right one.

You sit on the couch sobbing. Wet tears drip onto your laptop that laid on your lap. Johnny comes in rushing to your side asking what was wrong.

“I can’t find the perfect puppy. All of them are perfect!” You cry. He’s confused, he never talked about adopting a dog.

“Since when we’re we getting a dog?” He asked, nope, wrong thing to say.

You sob even harder, “I knew you wouldn’t say yes so I wasn’t gonna say anything! Now I can’t even get a puppy.” You wail loudly.

Johnny is confused about what to do or say, he remembers Simon telling him about his wife’s random outbursts but he never understood until now, just gotta agree and deal with it, and be nice! Simon told him one day.

3. This sandwich you ate was stellar, everything about it was perfect, but as it got smaller and smaller your face frowned more. Johnny notices your face scrunching up. “What’s wrong lass?” He asks you.

Tears form in your eyes, “it’s just so good, I don’t want it to end.” You sniffle. At least you weren’t having a break down.

“I can make you another one?” Johnny asked softly rubbing your lower back.

“Just like this one? The same amount of meat, cheese and pickles, do not forget the pickles!” You exclaim, pointing a finger at him as Johnny gets up. As long as you weren’t incolsable, he’d make twenty more.

4. You were angrier this last term. You were miserable carrying the weight of your already 10-pound baby, “fucking hell.” You yell as the baby kicks.

“I swear to fucking god Johnny, I’m going to hit you if you ever put a baby in me again!” You randomly snap at him on the couch.

By now he’s used to it, he just nods and lays a hand on your thigh. He hears the familiar sniffle from next to him and he sees you have tears running down your cheeks, “Sorry Johnny.” You whisper now feeling guilty for snapping at him.

“It’s okay sweets, I know you don’t mean anything.” He says pulling you to his side, placing a hand on your belly and rubbing soothing circles.

5. Johnny sits in a debriefing meeting with Simon and Price when his phone starts to vibrate, the screen facing down. By the second vibrating sound going off Johnny turns his phone over and sees your pretty face light up the screen, “hold on, sorry.” He says Walking outside the door.

“Hi baby,” he cheerfully says.

“Well, I’m glad you having a grand time while I’m fucking not.” You yell through the phone, obviously crying. Johnny pulls the phone away from his ears and the boys laugh after hearing you scream.

“What’s wrong honey?” He asked, being very careful on how he sounds.

“I’m hitting every single red light on this 20-mile road and I’m so upset.” You sob into the phone, “like why can’t I just get a green light so I can get home quicker!” You whine with a broken sob.

“Honey, sometimes we can’t control the lights. Why don’t we do the breathing exercises together to calm you down, yeah lass?” He asked.

After finally calming you down and getting you through three more red lights, you were almost home. He walks back into the meeting when price speaks, “Our wives, they are crazy.”

“Yeah, mine is pregnant again, so we have a hamster now.” Simon scoffs, “mine is worse.” He finishes.

#johnny mctavish #john mctavish #soap mw2 #soap mctavish #soap x reader #soap x you #johnny mctavish x reader #mw2 x reader

[cod-dump]

Soap steals Ghost’s sweatshirts all the time and uses them as pillows— they smell like Simon, and Johnny falls asleep instantly with them.

Soap used to sleep by himself without issue. Then he got with Ghost and now he can’t sleep without him. He needs to feel the man next to him, be held by him, in order to get a decent night’s rest. But he wasn’t aware of this change until Ghost went on a mission without him.

That night was miserable.

He was tossing and turning, missing the warmth of Ghost's arms and he secure he felt in them. Soap managed to get three hours of sleep that night and was dragging his feet the rest of the day. Gaz found him resting his head on his desk, groaning.

"What's with you?"

"Couldn't sleep last night."

"Really? Normally when you can't sleep at night it's because Ghost... kept you up."

"Well, turns out he keeps me up by not being there at all."

"Oh... Maybe try talking to him on the phone before you go to sleep? Might help."

Soap decided to try that later that day after settling into bed. Ghost picked up after a couple rings.

“Hey, Johnny. Shouldn’t you be asleep?”

“Should. Can’t sleep.”

“Oh, love. Something troubling you?”

“Yea, my usual bedmate isn’t here.”

Ghost chuckles, “That can’t be helped.”

They talked four a couple hours until Ghost had to get off. Soap sighed when the call ended, feeling tired but unsure if he would actually sleep. He sighs and closes his eyes, trying to quiet his mind. But sleep did not come to him until two hours before his alarm. He woke to the alarm with a groan.

“Fuck.”

Soap wouldn’t sleep peacefully again until after Ghost returned from his mission. Soap didn’t even know he came back, he was busy hanging over his desk staring at a report, trying to will it to complete itself. Ghost walked in and Soap was ready to snap at whoever walked into his office without permission.

“It’s common courtesy to knock before entering-“

He stopped talking when he saw Ghost, who was mostly amused by his tone.

“Wake up on the wrong side of the bed?”

Soap quickly got up, knocking his chair over, before he ran over to Ghost. He pulled him into a tight hug, sighing at his familiar scent and how his arms felt wrapped around him. He sagged against Ghost, closing his eyes as he did.

"Have you not been sleeping, love?"

"I've slept... just not as much as I would've liked."

Soap feels lips press to the top of his head and a soft murmur from Ghost, "How about you go to bed early, yea? Get some rest."

"Yours or mine?"

They took turns in who's room they slept in. They often slept in Soap's room due to the location being closer to both their offices and other areas. But, tonight, Ghost dragged Soap to his room. Due to Soap not sleeping there as often, he didn't have any spare clothes there. Ghost had a whole drawer with his things in Soap's room, maybe it was time for Soap to have such a space in Ghost's.

Ghost was in his private bathroom, cleaning up while Soap decided to just go to sleep as soon as possible. He stripped his clothes and grabbed a pair of Ghost's sweats and a hoodie before curling up in the man's bed. Instantly, Soap melted, Ghost's warm scent all around him. It got even better when Ghost climbed in next to him. The moment Soap settled against the man's chest, he was out. He would sleep a good twelve hours, Ghost not bothering to disturb him.

He only woke when Ghost shook him awake.

"Morning, Johnny."

"God, what time is it?"

"Around 1000 hours."

Soap groans, he slept way past his alarm, "Why didn't you wake me?"

"You looked like you needed the rest."

Soap sits up, stretching. He could see sunlight shining through the curtains but he didn't hear anything going on outside or in the halls due to Ghost's fan. Soap didn't remember him turning it on before he went to sleep. Soap was surprised when Ghost handed him a mug of coffee but his heart quickly melted.

"Big ol' softie."

"I can be. Tell anyone and I'll make you regret it," Ghost says with a joking tone.

He sips his coffee, humming when Ghost leans over and kisses the top of his head.

"Take all the time you need, you're off today."

"I am?"

"Lieutenant Riley decided to give you the weekend off."

Soap laughs, "Did he now? Well, looks like I'm going to have to thank him."

"Thank him by getting some rest."

Soap decided to not get out of bed that day. He spent the rest of the day and the day after sleeping. When he finally got back to work, Gaz immediately jumped onto him for 'abandoning' him.

"You could've at least convinced Ghost to give me time off, too!"

"Oh, and how would've I done that?"

"I don't know! Do whatever it is you normally do to get something out of him!"

"You can get your own time off by either asking Ghost yourself or going to Price."

Soap's nights would improve with Ghost being back on base. Things felt like they were getting back into the swing of things when another mission came up that Ghost would have to leave for. Soap knew once Ghost was gone he would be plagued by sleepless nights once more. So, the night before Ghost's departure, he clung to the man like a life line.

"Johnny..."

"Hmm?"

"I'm coming back. I always do."

Soap sighs, "I know. It's just- I can't sleep without you here."

Ghost squeezes him closer, "I'm sorry, love. I can't be two places at once."

Soap crawled on top of Ghost's chest, Ghost not saying a word as the man curls up on him, his head under his chin. Soap dreaded Ghost leaving, absentmindedly holding onto the man like he was just disappear if he let him go. When he woke, Ghost was gone. He left a note about having to leave earlier than planned, Soap frowning at it.

Soap worked throughout the day, knowing what would come when he tried to sleep. He prolonged his duties as much as possible, dragging his feet when he headed to his room having ran out of stuff to do. Soap got dressed in his sleeping clothes and laid in his bed. He noted how Ghost's scent was very faint on the sheets, making him frown.

Just like he predicted, he tossed and turned for a couple hours, unable to sleep. Finally, he just got out of bed, deciding to walk around with no particular goal in mind. He walked until he just stopped and leaning on the wall of the hall, missing Ghost. Soap blinks when an idea comes to him.

He walked quickly through the halls, stopping when he came to Ghost's room. He slipped inside, sighing when he got in. His eyes land on his target-- Ghost's bed. He walks over and flops onto the neatly made bed, sighing at the smell. Soap closes his eyes and lays there before he sits up. Ghost had left one of his hoodies draped on the back of his desk chair, having just worn it before he left.

Soap grabs it and holds it close. Smelled just like him.

Soap held the hoodie close as he laid on Ghost's bed. And just like that, he fell asleep.

#call of duty #cod mwii #modern warfare ii #john soap mactavish #simon ghost riley #kyle gaz garrick #ask #thanks for the ask <3 #soapghost #ghostsoap

[penny00dreadful]

The Parting Glass

Hey I've been through some shit the last few weeks so let's do Christmas the Irish way. By making it ✨miserable✨ and putting Eddie through situations. But with a hopeful ending.

Just as a note of warning, this fic contains death, funerals and Eddie working through his grief. It was originally devised as a part of this fun little challenge and then... welp, I used it to process. 😅

The prompts I got were: Eddie arrives to town recently single to inherit something, Steve lives in the town and is a famous musician (but not here). Eddie falls in love with the holidays, the town and some guy. I'll be honest these prompts got away from me so they're not followed exactly.

AO3

For my granddad.

It was nearly Christmas and Eddie was driving back to Hawkins for the second time in two weeks.

He was alone. 

Again. 

And for good this time.

The last time, when he had come back when Wayne was sick and not getting any better, he wasn’t supposed to be on his own.

In the days leading up to it, Jack had been in his ear the entire time.

“I’ll be there for you.”

“I won’t let you go through this alone.”

“You won’t have to do anything you don’t want to do.”

“I’ll support you the whole way.”

All over the phone. It couldn’t be helped. Eddie was a writer, he could work from literally anywhere. Or at least anywhere that had an internet connection. Even then, he might not need that. Just a post box. 

Jack was back home in their apartment that Eddie had bought them with his first big paycheck.

Eddie had called to tell him that Wayne had passed, numb and monotone and not really fully registering just what that meant. That he was gone. Like gone-gone. 

Forever.

He wasn’t just gonna… open his eyes again and start talking. He wasn’t gonna go back home, or sit in his armchair or shout at the tv or lie in his own bed one last time… And… What about his mugs? He… Wayne had so many mugs, what was gonna happen to them? He loved those mugs.

And Jack had said he’d be there. He’d promised.

And then he wasn’t.

Because something had come up at work or he thought he was coming down with something or he hadn’t got enough sleep the night before and didn’t feel safe making the drive and he felt really bad about it, just a steady stream of excuses but also- that was it.

I feel really bad about it. Full stop. No attempt to say, I’ll make it up to you. Or even just the bare minimum of I’ll try my best to be there no matter what.

And like a flash in the pan Eddie went from devastated to angry to just cold acceptance. 

“Fine.” He’d grit out over the phone, feeling simultaneously broken hearted and fucking indignant. Because, yes, it was a little selfish to feel like Jack should have thrown all that to the side to be here with him. But his fucking family had just died. He was allowed to be a little selfish.

Eddie needed him there.

Didn’t just want him there, he needed him there.

But instead he had to go through it all, alone.

He was on his own just before Christmas, trying to organise a funeral for the only family he had.

He didn’t have much time to think straight. He resolved to put it all out of his mind until this was all over because Wayne deserved his attention right now.

Eddie had expected it to be small and quiet if he was being honest with himself. Wayne had been a man who kept to himself and all he had was Eddie.

He was just thankful the local funeral home wasn’t completely decked out in tinsel and lights and trees. It was going to be hard enough as it was without a constant reminder of the time of year.

Quiet and subdued, with just a few stragglers, as depressing as that was. He could handle that right?

But then the people started turning up at the funeral home and they just didn’t stop. 

The entire trailer park came out to see him, even Mrs. Cartwright, who was stone deaf and half blind with a bad hip, shuffled into the room on the arm of another of the neighbours, a red headed young woman, to offer her condolences. Then there were Wayne’s coworkers from the plant, the farmers he’d talk to in the pub, his fantasy football league, childhood friends that he hadn’t spoken to in years but still wanted to pay their respects, teachers from the school, store workers, the nurses who looked after him. Eddie’s own friends, the Corroded Coffin boys, the Hellfire kids, Rick, even some of his most loyal customers from back in his dealing days. 

It kept going, just floods and floods of people young and old passing through the room to pay their respects, offer their condolences and shake Eddie’s hand.

He was completely overwhelmed. By the end of it, his hand was fucking sore, his throat was raw and if he lingered on the thought any longer, of how many people had shown up for his uncle, had loved him, he’d start crying all over again, even though he was pretty sure he’d run dry.

Jeff, Gareth and Grant hung around for hours after they’d been through the procession once, waiting for a moment to talk to him and ask if he wanted them to stay with him for the rest of the funeral and after. For as long as he was back in Hawkins.

It went unspoken that Eddie had been in that room alone and they were trying to save him from that, so he took them up on the offer. Stood with his oldest friends that he really should have spoken to more over the years while Wayne was lowered into the ground.

They took him out for a few drinks afterwards but Eddie didn’t have it in him to make it a whole night thing. He was exhausted, but he promised to stay in better contact. 

When it all was said and done, Eddie found it incredibly difficult to get into the car and drive back.

He didn’t want to leave Wayne here alone.

He didn’t want to be states away anymore.

He wanted to be home. In this shitty little small town that he had hated growing up in but was such an important part of his life, that was familiar and sedentary and fucking quaint and most importantly had a memory of Wayne in every single corner.

Jack would never go for it.

But now that Eddie was on his own, in the car, it gave him a lot of time to stew on just how long he’d been on his own already.

Eddie loved fast and Eddie loved hard. If someone gained his trust or his loyalty, he would do anything for them. It would be a very, very hard thing for someone to lose. But it also made him incredibly blind to their flaws.

This wasn’t the first time Jack had pulled out of something at the last second. And most of the time it was just because he didn’t want to do whatever it was, regardless of if he had made promises about it. 

And Eddie had let it go each and every time before because, well, it was fine. He got over it and it wasn’t that big of a deal.

But he had needed Jack there this time. And he’d done it all alone.

If the situations were reversed, Eddie would have crawled on his belly through broken fucking glass to be where Jack needed him and nothing less than an explicit “I don’t want you there” would have deterred him.

And when he got back to their apartment and Jack had turned to him with a sympathetic, “How was it?” Eddie fucking lost it.

He’d screamed so loud and with so much anger and devastation, the neighbours called the cops and again Eddie was on his own trying to explain what had happened while Jack just shuffled around in the background looking vaguely guilty and shell shocked, muttering “You never told me you wanted me there” when the cops finally left.

And Eddie was just fucking done. He was broken. It was finished. 

“I didn’t think I had to. My family died. And you had been telling me the entire time that you’d be there. You told me you’d be there for me. And then you just weren’t.”

So that was it. 

Eddie couldn’t stand to be in that city anymore. Anonymous and lonely and fucking claustrophobic. Couldn’t stand to be in the apartment with its white Christmas lights and expensive baubles and store bought charm without an inch of personality because it “looks prettier this way.”

The fucking cushions that couldn’t be used to prop up his back because he’d squish the filling and the throws that were there for decoration, placed perfectly, giving the apartment the impression of lived in warmth without any actual emotion in it.

He sold the apartment to Jack, waiting for the heartbreak of the end of a years long relationship to finally hit him. But it never did.

Maybe his emotions were all worn out and it would hit him properly later.

The same way he knew he still hadn’t fully registered that Wayne was gone yet.

So.

Now he was here.

Standing in the cold of the trailer park, his breath fogging up in front of him, snow crushed underneath his boots and night blanketing him. He had a box of stuff in his arms, rooted to the ground between his still warm car and the dark and shadowed front door, thinking hysterically for a moment that he hadn’t asked Wayne if he could move back in.

But he couldn’t, of course he couldn’t, Wayne was gone and he wasn’t coming back and Eddie had no way of contacting him in the fucking afterlife if there even was one to ask if he could turn up on his doorstep again in almost the exact same way he had nearly fifteen years ago.

Wayne would have probably given him a light smack over the back of the head and told him he was always welcome, no matter the circumstances.

Still. 

It felt wrong to just assume he could be here without checking in with him first.

He could hear his voice in his head, could almost see him standing silhouetted in the warm glow of the doorway, looking soft and worn in. “Get your ass in here son, before you freeze to death.”

Eddie blinked and the door was closed and dark and empty again. There was no noise coming from inside the trailer, no sound of the tv going, no smells of cooking, no heat, no light.

It was an empty shell.

The glow of the other trailers surrounded him, the small muffled noises of life going on inside each and every one, warm yellows spilling out of their windows or multicoloured lights lining their roofs or their porches, Mariah Carey singing her heart out somewhere in the distance.

“No one ever tells you the front door is one of the hardest parts.”

Eddie jumped, whipping his head around to find the same redheaded woman standing off to the side, bundled up in a thick homemade scarf and puffer jacket, her hands in her pockets and winter boots unlaced, like she'd just thrown them on, the grooves in the snow behind her telling him she’d walked to him from somewhere across the park.

Eddie squeezed the box a little tighter to himself, finally feeling the biting cold through his fingers.

“Yeah. I-” he swallowed, looking up at the door again. “How long have I been standing here?”

He could hear the snow crunching under her boots as she came closer. “I don’t know.” Fabric rustled somewhere beside him as she shrugged. “Mrs. Cartwright only told me you were out here a few minutes ago. I dunno how she even noticed, she can barely see five foot in front of her face.”

Eddie turned to the trailer he remembered the old lady living in to see her sitting by the window, squinting out into the snow. She offered him a toothless smile and a little wave when she saw the two of them looking back.

He was just about able to unstick his hand from the box to wave back.

“And you’re her-?”

“Neighbour. But I check in on her as often as I can. She’s good company.” 

“Oh.”

The two of them stood there, in the cold, in the snow, just looking at each other and Eddie could feel the spectre of the dark and empty trailer looming over him. Before this redhead turned up, he could have conceivably turned back, gotten into the car and found a motel room or something for the night. This might have all been easier to face in the daytime.

But now he’d been seen, he was trapped and he couldn’t escape. He wasn’t sure if he could do it.

“When my mom died,” the woman said, coming around to face him, “I just kinda switched off. I was on autopilot for a lot of the time but my first day back at the trailer after the burial, I couldn’t go inside. She wasn’t in there anymore. Same as you, I don’t know how long I was out there before Steve came and found me.”

“You’re Max.” Eddie said, his brain finally putting the pieces together. “Wayne talked about you.”

Max’s face broke out into a wide delighted grin. “Really?”

“Yeah.” Eddie smiled back. “He said you never wore your helmet when you were skateboarding.”

She snorted. “Yeah. And the one time he finally convinced me to, I took a hell of a tumble. Broke my-”

“Leg, I think it was?”

“Nah, man.” Max shook her head. “Not just my leg, I broke my damn femur. Strongest bone in the body and snap.” She clapped her gloved hands together, muffling what should have surely been a hard impact. “With six months of therapy to go along with it. Got me into the job I’m in today, though.”

“He said you’re a physical therapist?”

“Yup. And he said you’re a writer.”

Eddie nodded.

“Well then, Writer Eddie Munson. How do you feel about the front door now?”

He looked back up, finding that it wasn’t quite as intimidating as it had been before.

“A little better.”

“Good. I’m glad. Can I give you a hand?”

“Oh, uh-” he looked back down at the box in his hand, flexing his fingers around the keychain he still had hanging off his thumb. “Yeah, actually. If you don’t mind.”

Max nodded, stepping forward and taking the box from him. Eddie gave her a small smile before squaring his shoulders and facing the door once more and stepping up towards the porch before he could stop himself.

Amongst his set of similar shaped keys, he easily found the one to the trailer, the same one he had cut out of a black blank when he was younger and so edgy.

With a deep breath he slipped it into the lock and turned, feeling it catch like it always did halfway through and jostling it in a way that was so familiar from years of doing the same thing, it hit him like a truck.

He swallowed down hard as he gestured Max in, switching the lights on.

It didn’t smell like Wayne anymore. Not really. It had been weeks since anyone had been inside. But the memory of the smell was there. 

It was freezing, an empty shell of a building that had been left to hold its ghosts. The pipes were probably frozen through too, but he and Wayne had handled that plenty of times before, this would be nothing new. 

Everything of Waynes was still here. His boots were by the door, his jackets were hung up, his mugs lined the walls. The remote was on the floor next to his recliner, like it had been accidentally nudged off of the arm and hadn’t been picked up yet.

It was like Wayne had just stepped out, or was hiding in another room.

Eddie could feel his heart start to crumble just a little more.

The two of them got his boxes and bags unpacked from his car and into the trailer in silence. He was pretty sure Max knew that he was just waiting for her to leave so he could break down in peace but even so, she turned to face him after placing the last box down.

“You can say no.” She said, hands back in her pockets. “But a few friends are flying in on Thursday and we’re going to meet up at Cathy’s. You’re welcome to come if you’re feeling up for it.”

Cathy’s pub, Wayne used to go there all the time. The actual name of the place was The Attic, but no one called it that, everyone called it Cathy’s. As much of an Irish pub as one could get out in Hawkins without actually being an Irish Pub. It just happened to be run by an Irish woman who refused to entertain four leaf clovers and green pints and had kicked people out in the past for calling it ‘Patty’s Day’ instead of ‘Paddy’s Day.’

Eddie nodded at her, his eyes already starting to mist up from everything settling around his shoulders.

“Thanks.” He sniffled. “I’ll think about it.”

She offered him a gentle smile and said her goodbyes, not lingering around when he so clearly wanted to be on his own.

He watched through the window as Max carved a path through the snow back to Mrs. Cartwright’s trailer, before closing his eyes, taking a deep breath and starting to unpack.

Last night had been one of the roughest nights of Eddie’s entire life.

He’d only managed to switch the electric heater on and open one box before the silence got to him.

He’d switched on the tv and had to flip channels for far too long before he found what he was looking for because he didn’t know where the sports channels were hidden away, he’d never wanted or needed to look for them before.

But having the trailer filled with the sound of sports commentators and the crowds in the stadium and an obscene amount of advertisements was enough to make him crack.

He’d ended up in a ball on the floor, crying so much he felt like he’d never stop, breathing so hard he felt himself getting lightheaded.

Every time the tears subsided and he had started to get a handle on himself, he saw something that would start the cycle all over again. The Garfield mug, Wayne’s favourite winter hat, the stash of red vines he kept hidden beside his armchair, a habit he got into and never got out of when they were living together to keep them away from Eddie’s sweet-tooth.

By the time Eddie had pulled himself up to curl into the couch, he had a bottle of whiskey in one hand and a nest of Wayne’s clothes surrounding him, the smell just barely lingering. 

He drank himself into a stupor.

The morning after was equally rough but in an entirely different way. When he was woken up by the sound of daytime life outside the trailer door, bleary and foggy, he recognised his surroundings before anything else. 

“Wayne?” He’d called, half expecting to turn to find him in his armchair, the sounds of the sports channel still filling in the space of the room. 

But then he remembered. 

All over again he remembered.

He was barely able to do anything for himself that day. Most of it was spent staring off into space, waiting for things to get better, like everyone always said it would. Waiting for the pain to dull and to be able to function again. 

He stood in the doorway of what had been Wayne’s bedroom and then his own and became Wayne’s again once he moved out.

He never thought he’d be back here, moving back into this exact same bedroom all over again. 

He didn’t sleep in the bed that night. Or the night after. 

He couldn’t. Not yet.

He had managed to get the water running, so that was a plus and by the time he had some of his stuff unpacked the trailer no longer looked like a warehouse full of boxes, but instead looked like a cluttered and messy home.

He didn’t have the strength to move any of Wayne’s things, so his own stuff just kind of existed in corners or on countertops and it was fine.

Everything was fine.

This was his life now.

This was what he wanted.

It was fine.

Snow was starting to swirl around him as he stood outside Cathy’s, slowly accumulating in his hair and building up around his boots as the warm light and laughter inside seeped out of the building. 

There were twinkling multi-colored lights lining the outside and glittering through the fogged up windows and Eddie could see inside was decorated with green garlands draped from every available surface, red, gold and silver baubles woven in throughout and topped off with a healthy smattering of tinsel.

It was the most inviting thing he had seen recently and he ached to go inside. It was just so full of memories.

But he was stuck. 

Rooted to the spot like he had been outside the trailer door a few days ago.

Wayne would have loved all of this. 

He loved Christmas. 

He loved Christmas late nights at Cathy’s.

And it was only really then, when he’d been so painfully aware of it in the back of his mind for the last few weeks, that this was going to be the first Christmas he had to endure without Wayne. 

“Eddie?”

Well, no running now. 

But it wasn’t Max this time.

“Eddie Munson, my god. Is that really you?”

Eddie turned and was met by the sight of someone he hadn’t seen in the longest time.

“Chris?”

Chrissy Cunningham was standing in front of him in all her short and bright glory with a blinding smile on her face. Something deep in him warmed under her gaze. They hadn’t been friends for very long before they both skipped town in opposite directions, not to mention the ill-fated crushes they had both quietly harboured for each other once upon a time, but that was never gonna work out.

Even so, a friendly face he recognised was just what he needed right now. Someone to help him brace everything in front of him through those doors. The Wayne of it all. And the terror of potentially being introduced to a whole group of people as a new outsider, in mourning, no less.

A loud burst of laughter rang out from inside as they looked at each other and Eddie felt something fizzle and settle gently in his chest. 

In a tiny little moment, they clicked again, still friends after all this time, no matter the distance.

Chrissy looked at him, a thousand emotions passing through her eyes as she worked through what she was going to say. She had definitely heard about Wayne’s death. Wayne had taken her in on more than one occasion when her mother had gotten to be too much.

Eddie had to get his ability to collect strays from somewhere, after all.

“I’m so sorry I wasn’t here. By the time I heard I couldn’t get a flight in time and I should have been here for you.”

“It’s okay.” he smiled at her. And it was okay, really. 

She wormed her hand in between his elbow and his side where they were clenched tight from the cold, looping her arm through.  “I’ll stick with you the whole night if you want me to.”

Eddie’s whole body sagged in relief, not knowing he needed to hear it until he did. 

“Please.”

Chrissy nodded, a steely look of determination on her face and their arms held tight together as they pushed their way inside.

The warm glow and homely smells hit him immediately and he felt his shoulders loosen even more. It was loud inside but not unbearable, the sounds of conversation mingling in with the speakers softly playing out a mix of traditional Irish music and what had to be some Christmas best hits album. 

Eddie dragged his eyes across the bar, while Chrissy looked around at the people sitting at various tables and booths. 

“Are you looking for anyone in particular?” He asked.

“I only just flew in today. I’m supposed to be meeting up with a number of- oh! There they are.”

She pointed towards the back by the fire that Cathy had put in, claiming it couldn’t be a proper pub without a fire. The series of tables were all pushed a little closer to each other, overflowing with people and Eddie had to blink at them a few times, realising there were definitely a few familiar faces grinning back at him and waving the two of them over.

The first person he recognised was Max, her bright red hair standing out amongst the sea of browns and chestnuts and blacks. It was then that his eye was drawn around the table and saw his Corroded Coffin boys and the Hellfire kids looking back at him. 

Damn, he’d forgotten to tell the boys about his impulsive move back here. He hadn’t really told anyone about it apart from Jack. But they didn’t seem to hold it against him. It was plain as day on their faces that they knew he might not exactly be doing things logically right about now.

And then there were the Hellfire kids. 

Or he supposed he could hardly call them kids anymore. 

They would all be somewhere in their mid-twenties at this stage and wasn’t that just a mind trip?

They all stood to greet Chrissy and himself, hugs and pats on the back all around, the Hellfire kids and Max introducing one of the few truly unfamiliar faces amongst the bunch, El. Another woman he vaguely recognised gave him a small wave but eventually he realised who she was, because this was a small town and everyone at least knew of everyone in one way or the other. 

Robin Buckley, from band.

What a strange mix of people.

She and Chrissy shared a long look with each other, eventually revealing that Robin was her long term girlfriend.

Eddie nodded along, told her it was nice to meet her but couldn’t help the taste of bitterness that rose up in his throat when he looked at the two of them, not being able to remember the last time he had been out with Jack and feeling like his company was enjoyed and Jack wasn’t just waiting to go home with or without him. 

It had barely been a week since they had broken up but the loneliness had been there for a while. 

He had only just managed to get his coat and scarf off before Cathy appeared at their table, a drink in each hand.

“Eddie, darling.” She said, placing the two drinks down in front of him and scooping him up into a hug. “It’s so good to see you back home, love.”

She was an older woman, warm and wrinkled and soft, smelling vaguely of cigarette smoke and perfume in a mix that shouldn’t have been as comforting as it was.

“Thanks, Cathy.” He muttered into her neck, pulling back away only to find his face in her hands. 

“If you need anything at all, you know where to find me, right?”

He gave her a shaky smile, not really sure what to do with himself, he could feel everyone else at the table watching them.

“Yeah.”

“Good boy.” She grinned back at him, petting his cheek before gesturing down at the drinks she dropped off at the table.

“This is for you, love. On the house.” She pointed at the beer bottle. “And this one,” she rested her hand next to the glass of whiskey, neat. Wayne’s drink. “It’s tradition. One last tipple for your dear uncle. And none of you,” she whipped around, pointing an accusing finger at everyone in the booth, “are to touch it.”

They all stared up at her wide eyed and nodded while she turned her smile back on Eddie. “You take care of yourself, now. You hear me?”

“I’ll do my best.” He gave her a short salute and she rolled her eyes at him in a good natured way before turning and heading back to the bar.

Eddie swept his eyes over the pub, hoping to get an idea of how much of a scene had been made, as quiet as they had been tucked away in their corner. But before he could take a proper inventory, the doors were pushed open and even from the back of the pub Eddie could feel the cold following in the figure's wake.

The newcomer brushed the snow out of his hair and stomped his shoes out before flashing a smile at Cathy and weaving his way through the tables towards them.

He was almost offensively pretty, his cheeks, nose and lips rosy from the cold, unwinding a scarf from around his neck, giving Eddie a glance at a spattering of moles across his skin. He ran a hand through his hair again, trying to get out the last of the snow.

He looked so familiar. 

It had been a long ten or so years since they'd seen each other, but it couldn’t be. 

Could it?

“Hi, sorry I’m late, I-”

“Harrington?”

Steve Harrington stopped short, standing in front of him, staring at him with cheeks getting slightly redder.

“Eddie.” He said, a little breathlessly, running his hand through his hair again, but it seemed to be more from nerves this time. “Hi.”

Oh, so they were on first name terms? Okay, he could deal with that. 

Except that maybe he couldn’t deal with it, because his childhood Big Gay Crush was standing in front of him, smiling at him and looking like he’d just been beamed out of the campest Christmas movie in existence, the warm glow of the Christmas lights and the fire dancing across his skin, bundled up in a dark red sweater and his hair was somehow still perfect.

But he was saved from having to respond as the group started shuffling around to greet him, Robin reaching out to pull him into a tight hug, like they hadn’t seen each other in ages.

Eddie moved back, sitting down at a stool at the edge of the tables, next to Chrissy and across from Robin and Steve who were whispering fiercely to each other, Robin explaining the whiskey on the table wasn’t to be touched and sending what they must have thought were subtle nods in his direction and well, he wasn’t sure what else he expected from tonight.

Apparently he was a local spectacle now.

But still, his boys were here, the Hellfire kids were here, Chrissy was here, he had plenty of people available to him to distract himself from Steve sitting directly across from him.

He had only managed to get halfway through the drink Cathy had brought him before he was approached again, this time by an older man who he recognised as one of the guys on Wayne’s shift.

He placed a fresh drink down in front of Eddie and told him Wayne was a good man, that the world was a little dimmer for his passing and he was a hell of a baseball player back in the day, could throw a ball at speed like no one he had ever seen since.

Eddie smiled and listened as the guy spoke, the clear affection and joy he had for his uncle warming his heart.

It was barely ten minutes after that guy had gone back to his own group that Eddie was approached again, another drink placed down in front of him and more sympathies and stories of Wayne’s past gifted to him from people who had known him.

It went on like that throughout the whole night, a steadily revolving door of people coming to talk to him about his uncle. 

Stories of the stupid and dangerous shit they had gotten up to in their childhoods, stories of cow tipping (which Eddie had heard from Wayne’s own mouth was a bold faced lie but a fun one to tell), tractor racing (which he had not heard about) and one time Wayne had been chased out of Farmer Dan’s barn by the man himself wielding a shotgun, convinced he’d been corrupting his daughter.

Stories of nights playing poker, learning to never ever trust his poker face, his abysmal luck when it came to his fantasy football teams and how much he loved to get a bit of drink in him and sing at the top of his lungs, which Cathy always humoured, often joining in.

Almost as if she had been summoned, Cathy appeared at his other side.

“Will we have a little sing-song for your uncle, love?”

Eddie looked up at her and thought about it. To hear the accented and cracking old voices singing along to the songs that just seemed to live in pubs like these would probably hurt, but it would be like lancing a wound. 

It would sting but it would be healing.

“Yeah.” He said. “I don’t see why not.”

“Would you do us the honours, then?”

Eddie felt his eyes go wide. He was never really much of a singer. “Oh. No,” he blushed, shaking his head, “I don’t think so, I’ll leave that up to the professionals.” He gestured around to the group of older men he had managed to collect as the night wore on. “If it’s one thing Wayne didn’t hand down to me, it was his singing voice.”

Cathy waved him off. “Oh nonsense, you have a lovely voice.”

He really didn’t.

“I really don’t.”

“We’ll be singing along with you anyway-”

“No, I’d rather not-”

“I could do it for you.”

Eddie turned to face Steve who was looking the least nervous that he had for the entire night, his gaze steady and confident, clearly comfortable in his singing ability. Robin was staring hard at the side of his head, like she was trying to beam thoughts directly into his brain. Eddie’s heart was thumping in his chest and he could feel his cheeks start to heat up, something he was pretty sure had little to do with the drink.

“You sing, Steve?”

Robin’s mouth ticked up at Eddie’s question though she tried to hide it, like she was harbouring a little secret.

“I’ve been known to.” Steve’s own lips curled up, shooting that tiny little smile Eddie’s way and-

Oh.

Oh shit.

Childhood Big Gay Crush, you’ve been upgraded to Current Big Gay Crush.

“Any requests?”

Eddie thought back. 

There was only one song that came to mind to kick them off.

Wayne had always loved a certain type of song to sing in the pubs and when Metallica came out with a cover of one of them, a cover of the Thin Lizzy version? It was solidified. 

It was their song, regardless of which version was being sung.

Now he just had to try to get through it without bursting into tears.

“Whiskey In The Jar.”

Steve smiled at him bright and blinding. “Thank god you didn’t say The Rattlin’ Bog.”

Eddie grinned back. “I couldn’t dump you in the deep-end like that, sweetheart.”

Cathay was practically bouncing with excitement and when Steve opened his mouth and started to sing, not a hint of bashfulness or embarrassment to be seen, it didn’t take long for Wayne’s friends to join in, singing and clapping along, stomping their feet and whooping. 

Eddie just sat and listened. Just for that one song. He could feel it settle around his heart and clog up his throat but he could handle it. Steve’s voice was smooth and clear, like it all came to him with zero effort, like he was born to it, the bastard.

Eddie was able to keep it together through that song and while the applause surrounded him and Steve was starting to field suggestions for more songs, the rest of their table started to join in, the energy of the pub becoming electric.

As the night wore on and Eddie was handed drink after drink, he found himself drifting right into the group, until he was in the middle, Steve’s arm stretched over the back of the booth behind them, squished in together as they were. They didn’t strictly need to be as pressed up against each other as they were, but neither of them were moving and Eddie would take his comforts where he could, listening to the voice vibrating from the body next to him.

Eddie was able to hold it together until they decided they’d do one last song and he knew he wasn’t going to survive it dry eyed.

Of all the money that ever I had,

I spent it in good company.

Steve had barely gotten through the first verse before the tears started, just a slow and quiet trickle but noticed immediately regardless.

Steve’s hand dropped from where it was at the back of the booth to land around Eddie’s shoulders, giving him a little squeeze while Chrissy took his hand, resting her head on his shoulder. 

Steve sang slow and unaccompanied, his voice ringing out clear and steady while Cathy and Wayne’s friends listened with heads hung low. He let the last notes fade out, keeping Eddie tucked in tight to his side as the applause rang out and everyone started making their moves to head home.

Even as Eddie had to go through the rigmarole of shaking hands and kissing cheeks, much drunker than he thought he was, Steve held onto him. He heard more than one of Wayne’s friends mutter “You take care of him, you hear?” or “Get him home safe” and each time Steve smiled and nodded, assuring them he would.

He didn’t know exactly when he had become Steve’s problem but he was too drunk to care, it was nice to be looked after for once.

Sunlight was spearing straight through his head. Someone hadn’t closed the blinds properly last night and now he was being assaulted by this world's version of Pelor in what had to be some kind of revenge for something terrible he must have done in a past life. 

Dragging his eyes around the trailer, he was thankful that he was on the couch. He hadn’t slept in Wayne’s bed since moving back here. He didn’t think he would be able to for a while yet. At least not until he started moving some of his stuff out and who knew how long that might take.

It didn’t feel right, taking Wayne out of his own bedroom for the second time in his life. 

But even so, he wondered which poor misfortune from the pub last night had been the one to deal with him and take him home, probably seeing the state things had been left in and the fact that he was clearly using the couch as a bed.

Maybe it had been Max. He kind of hoped it had been Max, he felt like she could probably relate the best, though Chrissy would have been kind about it too.

Eddie was able to drag himself up to sitting, still clad in his t-shirt and boxers, so at the very least, whoever had spilled him onto the couch last night didn’t get an accidental show.

There was something sticking in the back of his head that it could have been Steve who brought him home but that would be the most embarrassing eventuality of all so he just straight up ignored it, making his coffee as strong as humanly possible and dragging himself and the coffee into the shower. 

Today was gonna be… today was gonna be an inside day. He didn’t think he could stomach the outside world, all the brightness and snow and Christmas lights and festive cheer in mourning and hungover.

His trailer was the only one left in the park undecorated. He couldn’t…

He just couldn’t.

Not right now, anyway.

Maybe next year.

He and Wayne had always done it together. Even when Eddie had moved away from home, he’d make the drive back down at the start of December every year to help, staying the night and then going back to Jack for a couple of weeks then coming back again for the week of Christmas.

He-

Oh.

He was going to be completely alone this year.

He didn’t just not have Wayne. 

He didn’t have Jack either.

And no doubt, everyone who was back in town was back in town for their own reasons, to see their own friends and family, not to bring in a stray mourner who would undoubtedly bring the mood down. 

Well, that was fucking depressing. 

But it was fine.

He’d make himself a mountain of waffles and eat nothing but those all day and watch stupid horror movies and smoke himself into oblivion to avoid the destructive hangover and it would be fine. 

It would hardly be a Christmas but it would be fine.

A knock at the door made him blink and woke him up from his daily routine of staring off into space. He had finally found himself feeling somewhat human, at least physically. Dressed and dried and on his second round of coffee and first round of painkillers, standing in the doorway to Wayne’s bedroom again when the knock came.

He glanced between the front door and the bedroom, wondering if it was even worth it to see what salesperson or caroler was on the other end. They didn’t deserve his moody ambivalence, but whoever it was knocked again and maybe just the sight of him would be enough to scare them away.

He swung the door open and nearly closed it immediately when Steve looked up at him with a shy smile. 

He didn’t know if he could handle this right now. 

“Hi.” Steve said, his cheeks pink either from the cold or from embarrassment, Eddie wasn’t sure which. 

He was like… fifty percent sure that Steve might be, maybe, giving him some signals but also he got very, very drunk last night and he was pretty sure he remembered crying on someone’s shoulder after he got home too so, he was probably not the best judge of these things.

“Hi.” Eddie clutched his coffee cup tighter in his hand. “I’d invite you in, but I would rather you not see how I’m living right now.”

Steve furrowed his eyebrows in confusion. “I’ve already- nevermind.” He shook his head. “I can’t stay long anyway, I just wanted to check if you were okay after last night.”

Eddie raised his eyebrows and blew a breath out through his lips. “I’m… I’m. Well. I’m… coping, I suppose.”

Steve nodded, eyes cast down to glance around the porch. There was a flake of snow clinging to one of his eyelashes, Eddie didn’t know how it got there. It hadn’t been snowing that morning, not from what he’d seen anyway, cooped up inside. Steve looked up towards the roof of the trailer and then around the edges, no doubt taking in its depressing and undecorated exterior.

“Listen, I-” 

Steve hesitated, his cheeks burning a little brighter, hands shoved in his pockets and arms curled in tight towards himself. Eddie felt a little bad about leaving him out here in the cold, not even inviting him in regardless of how it was inside, it felt unnecessarily mean but he didn’t know if he could handle having Steve in his space right now. He felt like he was at either a knife’s edge or unbearably dull this morning.

“I wanted to offer you- or, I don’t know. If you didn’t have any plans, that- well, I’m hosting everyone at my place on Christmas day and you would be more than welcome if you wanted to come. Y’know… if you weren’t… if you didn’t-”

“If I’m gonna be alone?”

Steve turned his big sad eyes on him, mouth gone slack from shock. 

“No! No, that’s not what I meant. I never meant to suggest-”

Eddie shrugged, taking a sip from his mug. 

“It’s an unfortunate fact, right now, Stevie. I am alone. It’s depressing but it’s the truth.”

“Well.” Steve took a big breath in. “It doesn’t have to be.”

Eddie hummed, rocking back and forth on his feet. “Who’s everyone? I don’t know if I would be able to handle your parents. No offence.”

Steve scoffed. “None taken. They haven’t set foot in that house in nearly ten years. It’s not theirs anymore, it’s mine.”

“Oh. They dead too?”

To Steve’s credit, he didn’t flinch at the words that were maybe a little harsher than they needed to be, he met Eddie’s eye, determined and unwavering.

“No, they’re not. They left Hawkins, left me the house, called it my inheritance and drove off. They’re in New York now. We exchange Christmas cards but that’s about it.”

Eddie was a little bewildered.

“You don’t talk to them at all?”

Steve shrugged. “We know who we are to each other.”

So Steve still had parents out there in the world and they just… didn’t talk to each other? And from the sounds of it, all three of them seemed fine with that? Now that sounded depressing. 

“Steve, I’m… I’m sorry.”

Steve tilted his head, their eyes never once wavering. “It’s a different kind of mourning, I suppose.” He shuffled a little bit in the cold and fuck, Eddie really should have invited him inside, but it looked like he was getting ready to leave anyway. “So, on the day it’ll be me, Rob and Chris. The kids will come over later on in the evening. And I think Dustin has invited those three guys from your band too, so they might show up. Like I said, no pressure, you do whatever it is you’re comfortable with but I think they’d all like to see you, I’d-” 

Steve swallowed, his face getting pinker.

“I’d like to see you.”

Eddie could feel a grin tugging at his lips, something giddy and hopeful blooming in his belly despite everything. “Oh, would you now?”

Steve flashed him a charming grin, his shoulders relaxing almost imperceptibly while he dragged his eyes down towards Eddie’s lips and then back up. “I would.”

“Well then, I’ll have to see what I can do.”

Despite the things he said to Steve, he wasn’t sure he was going to turn up until he did.

He’d gotten into his car Christmas morning with a thermos of hot chocolate and an insulated blanket and visited Wayne.

He’d placed Wayne’s old fashioned chipped and battered mug that he only ever drank hot chocolate out of at Christmas time, a painted wreath and ‘Merry Christmas’ decorating the front, down next to the wooden cross dug into the head of his grave.

The headstone wouldn’t be finished for another few weeks.

He spread the blanket down over the snow, wishing he’d thought to bring a cushion but powering through regardless.

He poured out some hot chocolate for himself and Wayne, sat back, drank and just… talked.

He told Wayne about his breakup with Jack, about selling the apartment, about moving back into the trailer, apologised for not checking in with him first before he did. He talked about everyone who came to the funeral and the night at the pub, the songs, the people he spoke to, the friends he found there.

Steve.

He might have spent a little longer talking about Steve. It was nothing Wayne hadn’t heard before, though. Eddie had talked about him a lot during school.

He rambled and tripped over his words and laughed and cried.

He was alone in the graveyard. No one else was visiting at this cold hour of the morning, they would all probably stop by after mass or after dinner but Eddie hated the idea of not seeing him first thing.

Going back home after that was hard.

His hands were stiff and creaking, his ass was so numb from the cold it had come back around to hurting again and he didn’t know if it would ever thaw, but sitting in his van outside the trailer, looking at it cold and empty and undecorated he knew he couldn’t spend the whole damn day here.

He wasn’t sure what time he was supposed to show up to Steve’s but it seemed like an informal enough invite so he tried to distract himself as best as he could before he could make his appearance at an appropriate time.

He called it tidying but it was really just moving things around from corner to corner, trying to find spaces for his stuff to live, but at the very least the trailer no longer looked like Eddie had just dumped his entire life out onto the living room floor.

Which… he had but it didn’t really look like it anymore.

By the time the evening started to close in around him, he figured now was as good a time as any to go, it was certainly a better idea than sitting around with his blank word document, bouncing his knee or chewing on his fingers or staring off into space.

He did try to at least pull himself together to look presentable enough. Or as presentable his ripped jeans would allow him to be. 

At the last second he reached for one of Wayne’s flannels, a buffalo check in red and black that felt Christmassy enough, slipping it on over his t-shirt and under his jacket.

Steve’s house was completely decked out. Even from the outside Eddie could tell he’d gone all out, every edge of the roof was crawling with twinkling warm white lights, there were LED candle arches lighting up every window and a large wreath surrounding the door knocker. Through the windows he could see that the inside was much the same.

Steve’s whole face lit up into a bright smile when he opened the door to Eddie standing there with his hands in his pockets.

“You came.” He breathed.

“I did.” Eddie smiled back. “I hope you don’t mind, I'm a little empty handed. By the time I remembered it was polite to bring something to these things it was already too late and I’ve been a little scatter-brained recently-”

“No, no. That’s fine, Eds.” Steve waved him in and Eddie tried not to let his stomach completely fly away with him at the nickname. “Come in. I’m just happy you're here, empty handed or not.”

Just like Steve had that night at the pub in his red sweater and perfectly tousled hair, the entire house looked like it had been transported out of a Christmas movie. The space was warmly lit by various lights strung around the bannister, fresh green garlands swagged over doorways and the fireplace, which was roaring and warm.

Red and green stockings were lined up over the mantle, almost too many to fit, and a large regal Christmas tree was decked out to the nines with a mishmash of different coloured decorations.

The tree and the garlands gave the whole place an inviting smell, complemented by the scent of cooking and baking that was wafting in from the kitchen.

Steve helped him slip his jacket off his shoulders, hanging it up over the coat rack.

“Can I get you something to drink? You’re just in time, dinner should be coming out of the oven any second now.”

“Yeah, that would be great.”

Steve shot him a blinding smile, turning and disappearing through an entryway while Eddie wandered to stand in front of the fire.

He stared down at it, letting the warmth spread over him wondering if he really should be feeling… more? Less? 

He still felt sad that Wayne was gone and excited at the idea that something might be brewing with Steve, but was that right? Was that normal? Should there be other things? He didn’t know.

He was distracted from those thoughts by the sound of bickering coming from the kitchen.

“Rob, let me just-”

“No, get out!”

Steve stumbled through the doorway with a little pout on his face, managing to keep the two wine glasses in his hands from spilling over.

“Did you just get kicked out of your own kitchen?”

“Yeah.” He grumbled, handing one of the glasses to Eddie and Eddie did not blush when their fingers light grazed one another. He was an adult fucking man who’d done many filthy, dirty things in his life. He did not blush at a finger graze. “She won’t let me do anything else. Said I’ve cooked enough already which, I don’t know how that could possibly be true considering it isn’t even finished yet but-”

Steve cut himself off with a bite to his lip.

“Sorry, that’s- nevermind. I’m rambling.”

“It’s okay, Stevie. I don’t mind.”

Steve smiled, a little more to himself than to Eddie and said softly, “I like it when you call me that.”

Eddie had to drag his eyes away, the sweetness of Steve’s grin was too much to handle right now.

“I like it when you call me Eds.”

They were just standing there smiling at each other and slowly rocking on their feet, like they wanted to inch forwards but neither was brave enough to take the leap.

“Are you in the food industry? Is that why Robin gave you the boot?”

“No.” Steve shook his head. “I think I probably would have liked it, but no. I sing. Singer-songwriter, really but- I mean- I’m in music.”

“Really?” Eddie’s mouth was maybe hanging open a little wider than it needed to be, but Steve didn’t seem to mind. He hadn’t torn his eyes away. “I mean you have the voice for it, but shit, that’s not an easy industry to be in.”

Steve shrugged. “It could be worse. I work independently so I don’t have anyone breathing down my neck about it.”

“Anything I would have heard?”

“I dunno.” Steve blushed, hiding behind his wine glass as he took a sip. “Don’t really think it’s your type of music.”

“I’ll give anything a try once.”

Steve grinned a little and Eddie could tell there was a joke hidden in there somewhere that Steve graciously didn’t voice aloud. “It’s a mix of everything I suppose. But if you were to put a genre on it I’d call it indie rock.”

“I’m just letting you know right now, little eighteen year old Eddie is green with jealousy. I’ll have to look you up.”

“Please don’t.” Steve grimaced, his whole face bright red. “I don’t think I would be able to live with the embarrassment. And what about you, anyway? How’s the new book going?”

“Uh,” Eddie cast around for an answer before gulping back a mouthful of wine. “It’s going… it’s going. I’ve been kinda stuck at a wall for a few months now, but hopefully something will come to me soon.” He frowned to himself before looking back up at Steve. “How did you hear I was writing a new book? I wouldn’t have even thought you’d remember who I was, like in general.”

“How could I not remember you? You’re hard to forget.”

It was Eddie’s turn to hide behind his wine glass now. He wasn’t exactly sure how true that was, considering everything about his past relationship.

“But… uh. As for how I knew,” Steve rubbed that back of his neck, “I’ve read them. Your books, I mean.”

Eddie’s eyes nearly bugged out of his head. 

“You have? And you read them knowing it was me who wrote them?” He laughed to himself. “Didn’t think you’d be into queer vampire action romance.”

“You have no idea what I’m into Eds.” Steve answered, his eyes low and lidded, a smirk pulling up at the side of his mouth.

Eddie was saved from making a further fool of himself when Robin and Chrissy appeared in the kitchen doorway.

“Feast’s served!”

The girls each said their hello’s, an arm squeeze from Robin and a hug and a kiss on the cheek from Chrissy before he was practically pushed down into his seat.

The dining table was large enough to have everything on the table, turkey, ham and all the trimmings, bowls with spoons sticking out of them and plates with tongs, even enough space left over for candles and decor in the middle of it all.

As bowls were passed around and both Steve and Robin made the first move on the food, tipping servings out to Eddie and Chrissy before themselves, Eddie found himself getting lost in conversation from all three directions.

He gossiped with Chrissy while Steve and Robin bickered over the best cut of the turkey. 

Throughout the dinner, Robin tried to sneakily get rid of her sprouts by dropping them one by one onto Steve’s plate when he wasn’t looking, but he noticed every time, savouring them with a satisfaction that could only come from someone who actually liked them.

He got into his own good natured argument with Robin about marching band while Steve and Chrissy talked sports.

And he flirted.

Brazenly.

Probably far more brazenly than he should have but Steve always rose to meet the challenge with a curl of his lip and a glint in his eye.

By the time dessert was making the rounds he was pretty sure he could have fallen asleep sitting at the dining table, but finding room for the cakes and pies and trifles, as always.

Steve had stopped drinking after that first glass and while Eddie didn’t exactly want to get completely plastered, he still allowed himself to get to a polite level of tipsy.

The girls had no such worries, already rosy cheeked and a little sloppy by the time the kids and Eddie’s band arrived.

The rest of the night was full of Christmas music, the most ridiculous games of charades which Eddie won every time, pulling on his old DM skills and after a passionate argument on what the worst Christmas movie was, the winning candidate was turned on, everyone laughing and jeering along with it like it was a Rocky Horror showing, Eddie pressed into Steve’s side on the couch.

It was during a particularly loud moment, all of them booing the screen when he felt his phone buzzing in his pocket.

Pulling it out he saw the screen light up with a name he hadn’t really thought of for most of the night.

Jack.

He stared down at the name for longer than he really needed to before sighing to himself.

“I’ll be back in a minute.”

Steve glanced between the phone and his face before settling into a gentle smile.

“Okay.” He gave his shoulder a small squeeze and Eddie got up, bringing the phone to his ear and stepping out of the room.

“Hello?”

There was a momentary pause on the other line before a quiet voice spoke. “Hi, Eddie.”

Eddie wasn’t entirely sure what to say back to him. Why are you calling? Why are you suddenly interested? Has the guilt finally gotten to you? Is it because it’s Christmas and you thought I’d be alone?

In the end he didn’t have to say anything.

“I’m just- I guess I just wanted to see how you’re doing.” Jack sounded resigned and a little sad. If they had still been together, Eddie would have been trying to drag him out to the Christmas market or trivia nights or Christmas parties for the last few weeks and they would have been heading out in a day or two to spend the rest of the holidays with Jack’s family in Ohio. Jack had only come back with him for a Christmas with Wayne once before.

But it sounded like Jack was already with his family. Eddie could hear his mothers Michael Bublé Christmas album playing softly in another room.

“I’m doing…” Eddie sighed, leaning back against the wall. “I’m doing okay.”

A loud chorus of laughter burst through the sitting room, shouting and jeering following quickly behind.

“You’re out somewhere?”

Eddie glanced back through the door, watching everyone gathered either talking to each other, pointing in indignation at the tv, tucking into another serving of dessert or knocking back the last of their drink, all backlit by the Christmas lights and the fire.

“I’m with friends.”

“Good.” He could hear Jack nodding, wondering how he was handling his mothers questions or his fathers awkwardness that Eddie usually deflected for him. “That’s good. I’m glad you- I’m glad you’re not alone.”

No thanks to you, Eddie wanted to snap but kept it down. He didn’t have the energy for an argument right now. Didn’t want one. It was Christmas and he wanted to keep the comfortable, fuzzy feeling around for as long as he could.

Steve lifted his eyes, looking right at him and grinning, something soft, something warm and easy, just for him.

Eddie smiled back. “Yeah, me too.”

Steve drove him home that night. It was nearly two in the morning by the time he was bundled up in the car with a lap full of tupperware and his heart feeling lighter than it had for weeks now.

He’d been offered a room to stay in, but had refused. He didn’t want to impose any more than he already had and if he was honest with himself, he wanted to be at home. 

Plus he hadn’t brought anything for an overnight.

When they pulled up, Eddie tried to shuffle his way out of the car without dropping anything but eventually had to huff and hand some of the containers over when Steve offered to help him carry them all.

They were inside before Eddie remembered his previous refusal to let Steve in through the door, but he couldn’t find it in himself to care.

Steve gave a cursory glance around but his eyes always seemed to be drawn back to Eddie, placing the containers down on the kitchen counter and assuring him he’d be back in the morning to drive Eddie back to his car.

“I hope you had a good time.” Steve looked at him, all warm and gooey and too good to be true.

“I had a great time, I think I needed it.” Eddie fidgeted with his rings, nervous all of a sudden. “Thanks for inviting me.”

“Of course. It was great to see you, I’m glad you came.” 

They stood, staring at each other and Eddie had the urge to hide his face behind his hair, but he resisted.

Steve reached out, brushing a curl behind his ear and then leant in, placing a sweet and chaste kiss against his cheek and Eddie was left completely dazed.

“I’ll see you tomorrow?”

“Yeah.” Eddie breathed, nodding. “Yeah, tomorrow.”

He watched Steve step out onto the porch and slide into his car, driving away with a little waggle of his fingers. Eddie unconsciously brought his hand up to brush over his cheek where he could still feel the tingle of Steve’s lips against his skin.

When the headlights of Steve’s car turned the corner, Eddie closed the door, staring at it in silence for a few moments before a hysterical little giggle burst out of his throat.

His whole body was wracked through with momentary excitement, forcing him to spin in a silly little circle. He stifled another giggle, sighing it out before his eyes landed on the couch.

He looked back up at a photo from a few years ago, of him and Wayne on a road trip that they had taken, sitting on a wooden fence surrounding a national park. Wayne always said it was just “One step at a time, boy. You’ll never get anywhere if you don’t take that first step.”

“Yeah, I hear you, Wayne.” Eddie responded out into the empty trailer. “First step.”

He looked up towards the bedroom.

He felt like, maybe tonight, maybe he could be comfortable with that first step.

Pulling a fresh set of bedsheets out of storage and turning back to the bed with them bundled up in his arms, he figured he’d just have to take it one step at a time.

I made a short playlist to go along with this fic containing the songs sung and the different versions mentioned along with one or two others I think they may have sung and my own favourites.

Some of you may have read I lost a family member a couple of weeks ago and I suppose this is my way of working through my feelings about it. It hit a little harder than I had intended but was healing to write nonetheless.

AO3

As always, my biggest thanks and much love to @hbyrde36 for the beta work with this and to the Stranger Things Writers Guild Discord for their motivation!

Christmas lights divider by @silkholland

#steddie #stranger things #eddie munson #steve harrington #steve x eddie #penny00dreadful #eddie x steve #steddie fanfic #steddie fic #fanfic #tw character death #tw funeral #tw grief #tw mourning #christmas fic

[thatfreshi]

Muscle Memory (Uni AU P. 12)

tw - abuse, sexual trauma, drinking, slight mention of homophobia

That evening, after all of your friends have dispersed, after getting absolutely nothing done, you end up in Astarion's dorm. You're both sitting on his bed while he does your makeup, which he insisted upon. He complains every time you accidentally move or your eyelids twitch, but you know he doesn't actually care all that much.

"You know, you're the only person I've ever let in here."

You back away from his makeup brush.

"Really?"

"Yeah. Don't really like sharing my space with people. It's one of the only things I have that's truly mine, but I don't mind sharing it with you."

"Are you sure? Because we could always hang out in my dorm, or somewhere else."

"No, really, you're one of the only people I trust to be in here. You don't stick your nose where it doesn't belong, you don't ask too many questions, you just exist here, like I do."

"I mean I'd never just look through your stuff. I feel like that's the bare minimum."

"You'd think so, but it gets to a point in a career like mine where nothing is really yours anymore."

At this point, Astarion has started on your face again, mindlessly talking.

"You said you started at sixteen right? Must've been hard, losing all that control so young."

"Well, I mean I didn't really have a choice. After all, I did get kicked out, and jobs for normal teenagers don't really cover the expenses of someone trying to be an adult already. Besides, I got in with a lot of disgusting agents, people who shouldn't have been involved with someone my age anyways."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be. Like I said, I did it to myself."

"You were just a kid though."

"Yeah, I guess I was."

The conversation goes silent for a moment as he grabs something else from his cosmetics bag.

"Why did you get kicked out, if you don't mind me asking?"

He raises an eyebrow slightly.

"Hm, no one ever actually asks me that. Then again, I guess I don't really tell anyone."

"I mean you don't have to tell me."

"No, no I don't mind. I came out, that's pretty much it. Funny when you're the star only child until you talk about liking men. I was miserable about it at the time, but I don't really care anymore. Besides, I have far too many other things to concern myself with."

He makes one more pass with a highlight, and then backs up to admire his work.

"There, you look wonderful my darling Tav. Perhaps you'll look more beautiful than all the exotic flowers you'll get to see tonight."

"You're sweet. Thank you, for all of this, for opening up to me. I know it hasn't been all that long, but you really are the best friend I've been looking for."

Astarion goes to respond, but is interrupted by his ringtone going off, interrupting the nice music he had playing. It's Cazador calling, Szarr's first name as he had told you a couple days ago. Apparently he thought his last name would sound better for the brand, and has everyone call him by it at all times, unless you're in his private inner circle. To your surprise, your pale friend declines the call.

"Did you just-"

"Yep. Not letting him ruin my night, I just can't right now. Besides, I have to make sure you're ready for this date."

"You can't-"

"What, just not pick up his call? I guess you're right. I've done it before though, and he'll simply send me some nasty voicemail. I'll get punished for it later I'm sure, but if he didn't do it to me, it would just be one of the other six. Better that I take the brunt of it."

"But why?"

"I've been working with him longest, I'm the most used to it. If I can deal with it, it's better that way. Being the scapegoat, it gives me some small way to protect the rest of them."

"You shouldn't have to though."

"Of course not, none of us should have to, but I'm just playing the hand I got dealt Tav. That's all any of us can do, especially when the house always wins."

"So what will you do, until you have to see him again I mean?"

"Oh, there's a fitting tomorrow morning. In the meantime? I'll probably go find a cheap place to get drunk, have sex with a stranger and try to forget. At least until tomorrow."

You nervously stare at your hands.

"Is that why you had sex with me that night? To forget?"

He looks off into the distance, trying to find that evening in his mind.

"I can't even remember. Maybe? Or maybe I was just scared. It's hard to say. It becomes easy after a while, to just offer up your body to strangers. Easier than other options at least. It's like muscle memory."

He then stands up, and offers you a hand to do the same.

"But anyways, enough about me. You have a suitor to go see, and I think he'll find you just ravishing."

Your eyes meet his, that reddish-brown not fully present with you.

"Just stay safe tonight, okay?"

"Oh darling, as if I'm ever truly safe. I'll try though, since you asked so nicely. Now, go on and get downstairs, or else you'll be late. Don't want to keep the handsome nature man waiting."

You thank him again for helping you get ready, giving him a tender hug, the kind that secretly makes him melt. And soon enough, you're out the door and downstairs, met with Halsin and a box of chocolates.

~~~

Astarion doesn't even have the energy at that point to clean up the scattered cosmetics across his sheets. He almost plays Cazador's voicemail, but instead turns his phone off and leaves it on the nightstand. Just like he said, he finds some bar that won't hurt his wallet too much, and drinks the night away, thinking about the possible strangers he could lose himself in. He tries to justify it, knowing that rolling around in the sheets with someone would make the thoughts go away, give him a break from the constant nagging in his head, but for some reason he just can't do it. In fact, he hasn't been able to force himself to sleep with anyone since that night in the diner parking lot. He'd never admit it, but he's been thinking about what you said that evening, how he was just someone trying to survive. And he secretly hopes you're right, that he hasn't truly tainted his soul, that somewhere deep down there's a good piece of him left. After all, he's pining after someone like you, someone who gave him the benefit of the doubt when he didn't deserve it, someone who is far better than him. At least that's what he believes, that even if he did tell you like Gale suggested, it wouldn't be enough. He wouldn't be enough for you, but maybe this Halsin character could be, and there's no way he'd deprive you of that chance.

#baldur's gate 3 #astarion #astarion x reader #astarion x tav #angst #freshiau #halsin

[the-fluff-piece]

OMGG CONGRATS ON YOUR 200 FOLLOWERS, I LOVE YOU TOO 🥺😭💖

so... I have a really low self-esteem and my mind always makes me think I'm unworthy or don't deserve a lot of things I have in life

that being said, could I request prompt 1- sweet/ cozy with Ace? Pretty please? (the thought of him putting his hat on our heads makes me feel so warm inside 🥺 can you maybe include this, please?)

again, congratulations on your milestone, I love you & your writing and i'll be here to accompany you on this journey 🥰💖

Hello my dearest, you're the best 🥺 I am so happy that you're still here, you're so precious (I'm not crying, you're crying 😭)

So I hope you like this story, I tried to make it positive and uplifting

This is part of my follower milestone event

Here's

Love sick

You've been with the whitebeard pirates for quite some time now and your secret crush for Ace is growing constantly- until something needs to be done!

This is pure sfw heartwarming superfluff about Ace being super supportive and taking care of a super anxious and shy gender neutral reader

At this point, it was an open secret everyone knew about, except Ace. Every time you saw him you froze, everytime you tried to talk to him your voice gave out, everyone with half a brain cell could see that you loved him, except Ace. There is still a debate what that makes him intellectually.

You've come to a point when your crush turned from delicious butterflies in your stomach to a painful hum of constant anxiety in your head. The idea that he would never see you, never return your feelings and probably end up with a much better girl was so excruciating to you, it was making it hard to sleep or eat. Or concentrate. It became so bad that one day, you found yourself being pushed into Marco's office because you fell asleep at your post. You where sitting there miserably while he did some superficial examinations and asking question about your symptoms.

"Have you lost your appetite?" He asked.

"Not really" you lied. He didn't need to know that.

"I'm gonna add denial to your symptoms because just from looking at you I can tell you lost weight."

"Uhm...ok" you conceded. Maybe, you still felt too fat though.

"You know Ace is a nice guy" Marco stated matter of factly.

You got dizzy from the sudden rise in blood pressure this name caused.

"I know that!" You squeaked.

"Than why are you acting like telling him how you feel is dangerous? Even if he didn't return your feelings, he'd be super chill about it." Marco said with his usual calm expression, while you were almost fainting from embarrassment. "Yeah, everyone knows, don't panic." Sitting down at his desk he added "that's my counsel to improve your health: talk to Ace. Tell him how you feel. Get drunk if it helps you." He turned around, telling you that this appointment was over.

With a head as red as a a tomato and swaying a bit from all the heart racing you got out of Marco's office and had to sit down for a second.

"Hey Y/n!" A familiar voice greeted you. Sick to your stomach, you turned around, saying "goodbye" to Ace before you realized you took the wrong greeting again. You told him good night in the morning and once you even wished him happy birthday at lunch.

As usual, Ace laughed loudly, throwing his head back. Just seeing his freckles in the sunlight was heartbreaking.

"Your so funny" he chuckled and paused, looking from you to Marco's office.

"Are you sick? You look a bit feverish!" He noted, coming nearer and looking you straight in the face, studying you. You were torn between looking away because you were looking like a complete mess and staring at his handsome face. Your eyes decided to look both ways at the same time, giving you a headache. You closed your eyes and prayed that Ace would just leave so you wouldn't embarrass yourself even more.

He didn't leave. Instead, you felt a warm hand on your forehead and his voice near your face "your temperature is a bit high. Did you see Marco?" Ace asked with concern.

"See him just I did" you mumbled(grammatically wrong) and risked a peek at Ace, who looked really worried.

To your horror, he sat down next to you.

"Man, being sick sucks! Just let me know if I can do anything for you." He said, looking at you as you tried to vanish. He shouldn't see how absolutely messy and horrible you looked.

"Nothing" you managed to say.

"Y/n, you always play so tough but it's okay to ask for help. We are a crew after all!" His excitement whenever he talked about the whitebeard pirates was so cute, you had to smile, wishing you could talk to him the same way.

"You know what? Here's something to remind you that you're never alone here!" He said with the broadest, most adorable smile that almost made you melt - and put his hat on your head. It was a bit too wide and slid over your eyes and you quickly adjusted it. It smelled like leather and campfire - Ace's scent.

"Damn!" Ace whistled. "Looks better on you than on me. I guess it's your hat now."

He was so nice, even if it was lie to make you feel better.

"That's not true" you said and had to laugh a bit.

"You know it's a shame we never get to talk to each other like this, you're always so busy! How about you just lie down and rest and I bring you dinner and keep you company later."

"Wha- wha-?" You stutter.

"You heard me, I'll bring you some soup later!" He said as he left, waving.

"You promise me you'll rest!" He added.

Your knees were butter and you just stayed put, trying to catch your breath.

"Wow, just like that you have a date?" Marco commented, having witnessed the whole strange exchange.

"No!" You snapped.

"I thought you wanted this...?" He asked.

"Yes! I mean no, I mean this isn't a date!" With once again solid knees you got up and turned to get back to your post.

"Where do you think you're going?" Marco asked, a brow raised.

"Back to work." You answered.

"I don't think so. Your commanding officer just ordered you to rest in your bed and wait for him." He said with a "checkmate" expression on his face.

You would never disobey a direct order, so you went back to your room, clutching Ace's hat to your chest and prayed he would just forget his promise.

He didn't.

After waiting anxiously for a few hours, you heard him come. You were already so attuned to his steps and looks that you could always detect his presence.

He didn't bother knocking, he just shouted: "Soup coming!" And already opened the door with his foot.

"Hot and healthy! And tasty of course!" He announced with a wide grin, holding a tablet with soup, some bread and a spoon in one hand like an expert waiter. He looked at you - and frowned. You were sure he just noticed what a wreck you were. Instead he said: "you're not wearing comfy pajamas! Don't you know anything about being sick?" He sounded like it was common knowledge.

"I am not feeling that bad..." you explained.

"Marco told me you were feeling really bad! So it must be true." He stated. You felt the panic rise in your throat - what else did Marco tell him?

Your anxiety levels rose once again when he sat down next to you on your bed and put the tablet on your nightstand, you've never been that near to him. Unconsciously, you clutched his hat to your chest like a shield.

"Hats go on your head, silly!" He said playfully and put it back on your head.

"And now open up" he ordered as he lifted a full spoon in front of your face while holding his other hand underneath it to catch any drops.

"I can eat by myself!" You told him a bit more sharply than intended and immediately regretted it. Ace laughed.

"They told me that you have spunk! But orders are orders" he said with a sinister expression. Marco taught him that, too, you bet. But he was right, orders were orders and you opened your mouth. Ace was surprisingly careful.

"You know, you can take a break from time time" he began in a casual tone while feeding you. You barely tasted the soup, being cared for by Ace was taking up all your available attention. He continued talking calmly:

"I see how hard you work each day, that you're always thinking ahead, keeping an eye on things. All I want to say is: being a pirate also means to have fun once in a while. You're pushing yourself so hard, and I bet you're struggling, too. You need to enjoy yourself once in a while. Or let others help you." His concern was so sweet and genuine, it almost made you cry.

"You know you deserve it." He ended and looked at you. "And I'm glad you let me help you. I know sometimes, that's hard. In that regard, you remind me of someone. He also puts others first when they need help, an he does absolutely everything to help everyone, even people that hurt him. And like him, you're very strong" he said and seemed to remember someone dear to him.

"You feeling better now?" He asked, suddenly back in the moment.

You nod.

"Great! Marco said when you've had some soup I should give you this" he said cheerfully and produced a small flask from his satchel.

"It's medicine." He held out the small, unmarked bottle. You opened it and immediately smelled your favourite booze. That dog! You hesitated and looked at the flask.

"He said it's crucial."

"I bet" your voice was so dry you were surprised you didn't spew dust. There was an evil plot against you led by Marco. If you were in a position to do so you would pay it back to him.

"Less scowling more drinking" Ace said, ripping you from your thoughts of dark conspiracies against your love life (or absence thereof). It was just a small flask, you drank it in a few sips, already feeling it going to your head. Maybe you were indeed sick.

Ace sat at your side and was smiling widely, watching you like he expected a present. Remembering Marco's words, this was probably a message that it was time to confess. You were a little afraid that he would take matters into his own hands if you didn't tell Ace here and now.

Everything inside of you was fighting against it. He wouldn't like you back. This would hurt. Everyone would laugh at you for weeks. You tried thinking about it like a band aid, it needed to be ripped off swiftly to avoid long stretched pain. It was also the most dignified way to make it public.

"Thank you for taking care of me, but I am not sick. I just..." your voice is being a coward again, but you press on while Ace is waiting patiently. "I was just really stressed and nervous today because I.." your throat was dry and it felt like your heart was besting sk hard that it was shaking your whole body.

"I love you" you whisper. And add "I'm sorry".

Ace didn't flinch or look surprised.

"I know" he whispered back. "Don't ever be sorry for your feelings. And don't be afraid. You know it pays to be brave sometimes." His low voice was hard to understand over the beating of your heart. You felt his hot breath on your hear as he moved closer and planted a soft kiss on your hair. His hand moved to stroke the side of your face with his fingers.

"I love you, too. And I am proud that you told me first." He said softly while his fingers moved underneath your chin to lift your head up.

"I'm just afraid I'm not a great kisser." He said, chuckling.

"Me neither" you answer.

Still, just feeling his lips on yours for the first time was the greatest thing ever.

________

#one piece fanfiction #one piece x you #portgas ace x you #ace x reader #portgas ace x reader #ace x y/n #portgas d ace #ace x you #one piece fanfic #one piece ace #gender neutral reader

[msmargaretmurry]

i wanted to write some fandom-related new year's reflections down and this felt like the best place for it! i miss livejournal every day!

i don't generally do formal new years' resolutions, mostly because i am always too busy around the new year to really sit down and think and reflect about what they should be and how i would want to measure them, but i do think the new year is a good time for a little mental reset regardless and i have been Pondering over the past few weeks about what i would like that to mean for me...... i have always complained that tumblr as a platform is terrible for making friends and i stand by that (i have met good friends on tumblr but the friendships flourished when we took the conversation elsewhere) but i do think this past year i have been #blessed in obtaining some really lovely mutuals and acquaintances On Here in a way that has made me feel more connected to hrpf fandom at large, which has been really nice ❤ so that is something i would like to continue in 2024. i hesitate to be like "i want to spend more time on tumblr" because i probably do not need to do that lmao but i do maybe want to try to be a little more proactive about making/maintaining connections and loose ties. my dear pal kasper @moregraceful has talked about fandom as community and that always resonates with me, because it can be so easy to feel like you are feeding Content into the Content Machine for people to Consume and honestly that is so miserable! i don't want that! maybe 2024 will be the year i finally post my thoughts on the interminable "bookmarks comments are for readers, not writers" discourse.

anyway. i know a lot of the actual fandom ~conversation these days happens on discord, which is am afraid of, but idk maybe i'll try to have more of an open mind about it this year. but maybe i won't. making no promises to myself there 😂 i am trying to be realistic about how much free time i will have for fandom in the midst of work and grad school and real life social life so i think the upshot here is wanting to be thoughtful and deliberate about how i spend the free time i do have for this stuff.

on the fanfiction front...... i came into 2023 in a pretty shitty mental place about writing, mostly due to how lonely i felt about writing-as-community in 2022 — it's just not fun to feel like your friends are having fun without you about things you thought you'd be included in! — and spent most of the year trying to pull myself out of it, with middling success. like, i enjoyed the head above water ficlets i added to that universe but i do still feel a little crappy that those were the only things i was able to finish writing. i have so many stories i want to get out! so i am also trying to look at this new year as maybe a chance to give myself a clean slate and say that no matter what writing goals i set for myself i will also try to be gentler with myself and focus on enjoying the writing process regardless of the end product. but i would also like to actually finish some real fics this year, lol. i might set some measurable goals, but that will not be happening until i get home next week.

in conclusion, idk what i want this year to be yet! a friend of mine recently mentioned the joys of using the julian calendar for her winter celebrations means the new year isn't until january 14, so the first two weeks of the year get to be kind of a "soft launch" of the year to figure out what works best and i did immediately steal the concept even though i am a gregorian calendar girlie. so i am still pondering, still percolating. if for some reason any of you actually read all this and have your own fandom- or writing-related new year's goals/resolutions, i would love to hear them ❤

#2023 roundup

[londondziban]

heeey if you’re still taking microfic prompts maybe cozy/domestic wolfstar cuddling and maybe recovering from the flu (either sirius or remus)

- @effiepotterisamilf (my marauders account)

Hi friend! Sorry it took me a bit to respond to your prompt! This was a fun one to write. It ended up being a little longer than intended but I hope you enjoy it :) Thank you for the prompt!

For anyone else who gave me prompts, I promise I'll get to them!

Peppermint

Established Wolfstar ft. mentions of established Jegulus & Rosekiller. 1,103 words. Posted over on ao3 as well! Or, Remus Lupin gets sick again.

Remus Lupin hates being sick.

He gets it, alright? He knows everyone hates being sick. No one enjoys being in poor health for days to weeks at a time. He’s well aware he isn’t alone in his grievances.

However, Remus swears he’s almost always sick.

He’s not over-exaggerating. Every season may as well be sick season because every month, without fail, he gets sick. Sometimes it’s just a slight cold that leaves him exhausted and a little miserable in his classes for a couple of days. Other times it’ll hit him so hard he can’t even leave bed for at least a week; it’s honestly a bit of a gamble to see how it’ll go each time.

Unfortunately, his mates took notice of this particular pattern years ago. He’s sick so often that James and Peter are constantly betting on how long it’ll take for Remus to get sick again after each cold. 

Remus wants to hate them for it but well…

The moment Remus caught wind that a flu bug had started to make its rounds in Ravenclaw, he knew he was doomed. 

At first, he simply accepted his fate and didn’t even try to avoid it. He knew it wouldn’t be worth it to attempt to prevent himself from falling ill; he just wanted to rip off the metaphorical bandaid. 

To no one’s surprise, Remus ended up being the first Gryffindor to catch it–two days after he found out about the aforementioned sickness, actually. 

He was miserable. It’s less common for him to be so sick that he has to miss class, but it hit him hard this time. Even with his doting mates–and even more doting boyfriend–caring for him, he couldn’t help but wish ill will on Pandora for being patient zero.

However, he got over it in just four days–a surprisingly quick recovery after how sick he had been. He came out of it quite exhausted, but he was able to be back to class–and back to being friendly with the previously mentioned Ravenclaw–in no time.

Well, until this morning, that is.

“How can I be sick again? I quite literally just got done being sick,” Remus grumbles from his bed.

“Five days,” Peter snickers from his corner of the room. “You went five days without being sick. That has got to be a new record.”

Remus groans, burying his too-sweaty face into his too-warm pillow. He honestly feels as if he’s been locked in a sauna; why is their dorm so hot?

“It’s a little impressive if I’m honest,” Peter adds, unhelpfully in Remus’ opinion. “Leave it to you to catch ill not once, but twice, in less than two weeks.”

“Oi, don’t be a prick,” Sirius says, pushing his way back into their room. Remus lifts his head at the sound of his boyfriend’s voice, smiling despite it all as his eyes land on familiar raven hair and bright grey eyes. “No teasing my Moons when he’s sick.”

Peter snorts, rolling his eyes in exasperation. “No James?” Peter asks instead, wisely opting to drop the topic.

Sirius sighs. “Nah, Reggie’s sick now too. Caught it from Barty, most likely. James practically sprinted off to help Evan care for them.” 

“Crouch is still sick?” Peter asks, his tone clearly horrified at the thought–which is fair. Barty has been sick going on ten days now if Remus is keeping track right. Pandora got Evan sick almost immediately, which naturally led to Barty catching it, too. However, when Evan and Pandora recovered after a couple of days, Barty had gotten worse. 

“Oh yeah, poor bloke is miserable,” Sirius grimaces, crossing the room to Remus’ bed and sitting carefully on the edge of it. “Evan looks just as rough, though.”

“I don’t envy him,” Peter agrees, chuckling a little. “He’s stuck caring for one of the most dramatic gits I know.”

Remus snorts weakly. “I’d be more worried for James. Regulus is awful when he’s sick.”

“You’re one to talk,” Sirius teases softly, poking at him–or more so the lump of him currently curled up under his blanket. 

“I thought no one is allowed to tease me,” Remus retorts, though it falls flat as it comes out as more of a weak croak.

“No one is allowed to tease you,” Sirius agrees, his face solemn as he nods along, “but I do. Boyfriend privileges, obviously.”

Remus’ responding laugh quickly dissolves into harsh coughing, his entire body racked with tremors as he scrambles to even his breathing back out to something less painful. 

“Oh Moony,” Sirius sighs, sounding pained as if he’s the one experiencing the illness as well. “Let’s sit you up, yeah?”

Remus would’ve resisted, naturally, if it weren’t for the second coughing fit hitting him as he opened his mouth. A dull thunk against wood is all Remus hears before Sirius leans forward to help him ease up, propping him up against his pillows and rubbing his back through the fit with a sad grimace twisting his features.

Once Remus’ breathing has evened out again, he reaches out to press his finger against the furrow between his boyfriend's brows. “Stop that, would you? I’m not dying, Sirius.”

Sirius smoothes his features back out into a soft smile. His eyes crinkle with so much more fondness than Remus even knows what to do with. “I know I know. I just hate seeing you sick.” 

He turns away from him then, withdrawing his hand from his back and reaching towards Remus’ bedside table. “I brought you tea, Moons. Evans is hoarding all of the lemon tea for Mary, but I was able to swipe some Peppermint for you.”

“Peppermint?” Remus asks. He sits up straighter and eyes the mug in his boyfriend's hands–how had he completely missed it when Sirius came in? “With–”

“A spoonful of honey and two sugar?” Sirius finishes for him, handing over the cuppa and grinning brightly at him. “Reggie would be horrified if he knew you add both honey and sugar to your tea, you know.”

“Regulus’ lack of sweet tooth is appalling,” Remus sniffs defiantly, taking a slow sip from his mug.

Sirius just snorts and moves to climb into bed with Remus. He curls up into his side and rests his head gently against Remus’ chest, throwing an arm lazily over him.

“You’re going to get sick,” Remus weakly scolds him even as he feels himself melt in his boyfriend’s arms.

“That’s alright,” Sirius grins, snuggling even closer. “We can just be miserable together, then.”

Remus Lupin hates being sick, but Sirius Black never fails to make it a little more tolerable for him.

#i love them dearly #more microfics to come! #i have a few more prompts to flesh out #dziban's writing #ask #marauders #marauders era #harry potter #fanfic #marauders fandom #harry potter marauders #remus lupin #sirius black #wolfstar #wolfstar fanfiction #the marauders era #marauders era fanfiction #marauders fic #remus john lupin #sirius orion black #remus x sirius #jegulus #james potter #regulus black #james fleamont potter #regulus arcturus black #james x regulus #rosekiller #evan rosier #barty crouch jr

[starseneyes]

Chenford - Lucy Chen / Tim Bradford - The Rookie - Season 5 - Ep 13

Daddy Cop AKA "Friends Don't Let Friends Murder Board… Alone"

After watching 5x13, I really didn't think I could write the Meta until I had 5x14 for additional context. But after taking a step back and re-evaluating my hangups, I found a way. I do hope you enjoy it!

SPOILER ALERT: If you're looking for a nice, safe, spoiler-free zone... I'm sorry, this ain't it. I will spoil the entirety of the episode and perhaps the entire series to date. It's a LOT of fun, though, if you're up for it!

Ready to see what awaits our delightful duo now that Chenford Coitus has been achieved? Let's dive in!

Nobody Puts Timmy In A Corner

Lucy is sitting at the back of Roll Call so she can keep an eye on Tim. He doesn't even have to turn around for her to feel the misery coming off of him, even through the walls.

Tim hates this. But it's what he has to do for love, right?

My Chair is Moving

Like, this was so personal, and yet so sweet. She totally turned his chair toward her, and he was happy to go along because—let's be real—she's the best part of his day.

Seeing Tim without his set up for his camera on his chest is strange. I know it hasn't been there all along series-wise, but it really stood out to me watching this scene. No need for them to monitor what he's doing with the public because he no longer see the public. He sees... part of a window.

It's been one week based on Canon, so we know he's already bored out of his mind... no matter what he tells his girlfriend. (I will never get over getting to call Lucy Chen that! She's Tim Bradford's girlfriend)

"I thought we said we wound never lie to each other."

There are a million conversations happening between these two that we never see. We have fan fiction where we can speculate on it, but at first blush I really appreciated this glimpse into their shared code.

Now, they spend the entire episode going against said code (which I'll get into at the end of this Meta), but I do like that we have insight into what happens when the camera's not rolling between Tim and Lucy.

"That was a lie." "You're miserable."

She knows her man. I mean, anyone paying attention can tell that Tim's having a horrible time working at a desk. Now, he's got productivity up and whatnot, but he's miserable.

We saw him make the sacrifice play in 5x12, but now seeing him living it is akin to us hearing about the Monster that was his father and then meeting the man, ourselves. It's about as bad as imagined, in both cases, but there's something about seeing it that makes it more "real".

Desk work for Tim Bradford is bleak. But, he'll do whatever it takes to be with the woman he loves.

"No. It's not that bad. Nice people. Low stress. Wait, wait that reminds me... next week." "Thank you." "You're welcome. Be safe out there. I'll see you at the end of shift."

I'm reminded of 4x01 when Lucy asked Tim to be careful over the phone. "I always am," he said. This time, it's Tim who's staying in place and Lucy who's on the move.

And the face she gave him when he gave her the thumbs up? Like, "don't give me the bad baseball thumbs up!" She gives him an aghast look, but he follows up quickly enough to reference the end of shift—his happy place.

The same schedule means they can see each other every day, yes, but during the day it's bloody torture for Tim. There was a song in my youth about living for the weekends. Right now, Tim is living for end-of-shift. (originally I typoed to "end-of-shirt" and that kinda works, too, if ya know what I mean)

When she walks away, he exhales, thinking his charade worked. Hell, no, Tim, my boy. Your girl knows when you're hurting. ("I rode long enough with you to know when you are being you and when you're upset")

Lucy is in the best relationship of her life. No way she's going to stand still while he's struggling. This is the ultimate give-and-take. Tim steps back for Lucy, Lucy steps up for Tim.

"I'm just trying to find a way to keep him from losing his mind." "Is there no other position he can move into?" "No. Everything's at a standstill."

Stripping away the "do they know" question (which I cover in the summary at the end of this Meta), I'm going to just talk about Nyla and Lucy watching out for Tim.

Lucy intervening on Tim's behalf is not surprising. She stood up for him against the Sergeant who wasn't taking the fender-bender case seriously. She recorded multiple books-on-tape for him so he could study for the Sergeant's exam. Heck, she helped renovate his home while he was dating Discount Barbie.

So, Lucy stepping up for Tim would never be what raised red flags on their relationship status change. Yes, I expected someone to comment on Tim being "punished" or something if they weren't aware of the relationship, but since they didn't, we work with what we've got.

And what we've got is everyone aware that Tim's in a job he hates and wants out of.

"Alright, well, then you're going to have to shake things up… create an opening... It means you've gotta get creative. Find a weak link and start a 5-player trade." "Say more."

"Say more" cracks me up. It's so smooth and welcoming.

Girlfriend is finally seeing an angle for her "find Tim a new job" plan. It reminds me of her telling him, once, that he's the king of coming at problems from a sideways angle. Looks like the student really has become the master!

"Metro would be a good fit for Tim... I mean, Hicks might be up for a transfer, a bit more family time... if he left Metro, Tim could take his spot."

The one part I skipped over here is the part that I think would be an interesting test for Tim and Lucy—can they navigate the brutal hours?

I tried to look up the LA Metro to get a little more intel (yes, I'm that Meta writer), but information's sparse online in terms of actual timelines for the teams and shifts. There's likely good reason for it ("Hey, coppers! When will you be off the streets so we can pilfer some golden duckets?"), but I had to check. It's the journalist in me.

It's not like we've never seen Metro before on this show. I was watching an episode the other day where they radio'd to call in Metro and we saw a bunch of folks we didn't know in tactical vests show up. They'll find ways to tie Tim in, I'm sure, but I'll be curious to see if/how it affects Tim and Lucy's relationship.

"What could go wrong?" "A lot for both you and Tim. If Sergeants feel like they're being manipulated, they will never trust you again. And they talk. So the next time you need a favor, and you will, the answer will be no. Forever. So, tread lightly."

Will there be any consequences for all this? I've seen the speculation, but I think all this warning did was encourage Lucy to be crafty. See Exhibit A below.

"Uh, listen, my roommate is an excellent babysitter and she's always looking for work if you ever need someone."

Never underestimate the power of childcare. Especially for parents of multiples. I only had twins, and I can still imagine the chaos of that poor man's house and life. It's a gift, yes, but I wouldn't wish twins on my worst enemy.

Every time I see a character on a show having multiples, I wonder who in the Writer's Room hated them, because it's a tough, tough road. I love my boys forever and ever. But it's a unique challenge raising multiples.

And Hicks is intrigued. Because finding people to watch multiples can be a nightmare, too. Trust me. I've been there and tried all the sites before I finally gave up on Brick-and-Mortar and started working for myself.

The Gang's All Here

This was my second favorite scene of the entire episode. I love the Found Family trope. I love that there is this core of people who have decided to not only work together, but to do life together.

I don't have that through any of my brick-and-mortar jobs (mostly back-stabbers and high drama, there), but I do have it from University. 20 years with the best friends in the world. So, I see these scenes and I see my own Found Family reflected there.

As each group files in (and someone over on Twitter noted quite brilliantly how each door opening coincides with a different method of announcement—knocking, ringing, walking right in), it's adding the layers to the scene. It's not convoluted or complicated or cachophonic. It's harmonious.

You can see how all these very different people work together, compliment one another, and fit together into a jigsaw puzzle of friendship.

And to know that Tim's friends band together to come to his aid means so much. But I hate that he doesn't know.

I understand the subterfuge of doing something great for someone you love—orchestrating a great something. My husband did it for me through a four-hour scavenger hunt marriage proposal that took me through several cities before arriving in the theater where we met. He had production meetings for that proposal.

So, I'm not frustrated at the fact that Lucy did this without taking credit for it. I've done things in secret for my loveyby and him for me.

However, I wish Tim knew how much he was loved. I don't think he fully comprehends that yet, and since this wasn't used as an opportunity to demonstrate that to him, I'm hoping that'll come down the line.

Look, when you grow up thinking you're unlovable, it's powerful when your friends come through for you.

My husband and I had to get a new fridge a few months back. Old one died. But we couldn't afford to go through a box store, so we went Outlet and had to transport it ourselves. One friend fractured a finger. Four others worked together to dismantle and reassemble it to get it into the house. It took 2 hours. They had come over for Matthew's birthday party and instead we moved a fridge.

And not one person complained. We all laughed. We took hilarious photos. We had an amazing time. Because, finally, we have people in our lives who love us without condition.

Tim has that, too, but I sometimes think he doesn't fully understand it. I do wish he knew how much they love him and how they all came together to help him as an act of love.

And if he doesn't find out about this, I do hope there's still a time down the line when Tim Bradford will fully realize how much his Found Family loves him.

"Oh, you look surprised. Wait, weren't you on the group text?"

I'm DYING. DYING that they have a group chat and somehow Nolan still missed it. I know he said that he unplugs when he gets home (which is a great thing to do, but I don't know if he'll continue to move up the ranks without being more easy-to-reach). But it really made me cackle.

And I have to say that the choice to put the post-its on the windows so they could shoot through was really genius. My favorite logistical decision of the episode. Credit to the writer, director, set designer, or whoever said, "This is the way".

But Tim's reaction to Nolan throwing up his arm to block his way cracked me up. Like, Eric Winter's physicality as Tim never fails to amuse and amaze.

And Lucy's "where the hell do I put these things!?" face had me rolling. Melissa O'Neil has had a lot of room for humor these past few episodes, and it's fun to see her show off her chops.

"Is that Lucy's car?"

Yes, Tim. And Wesley's, James'. It's a party! But, of course, the only one he cares about belongs to his love.

And how on-brand is it for Tim that he doesn't care about the air conditioning ("air conditioning makes you soft") but he was all about getting to watch the game? I cackled.

Tim clocks Lucy across the room and Angela clocks their interaction, casting knowing glances towards Bailey and Nyla. Hermana, never change. That choice was all Alyssa Diaz and I love it.

"You okay?" "Yeah. Couldn't be better."

It's not a lie! But, she certainly has a lot on her mind, and as soon as he walks into the room, Tim's forgotten the game. He's focused solely on her.

Smitty and Lucy

This is a tiny detail I spotted as Lucy walks into the room, but it made me laugh. The sign on the door has been switched to "occupied" but the door is wide open. Did Smitty set it to occupied but forget to close the door? Did someone else switch the sign to warn of Smitty? The possibilities are hilarious!

And Lucy Chen loves Tim Bradford so much that she's willing to make a blind deal with Smitty, of all people. And does Smitty know about Lucy and Tim? Is he writing fanfiction of the two of them at his desk instead of working?

"Nothing weird." "Nothing weird. I promise."

Because with Smitty, you have to clarify. Still, she's braver than I am to make this deal with zero idea what he'll demand in return for this favor.

"Deal."

Taking your husband's words? I stan a couple who are so in love they pick up on one another's phrasing. I can think of two recent examples of Tim ending a conversation with "Deal" from my re-viewings. With Genny at their family house, and with Lucy when she told him to ask her out, again, after she dumped Dead-Weight-Chris.

So, Lucy's subconsciously picking up on Tim's words, and that cracks me up.

My husband picks up on my phrasing, but it's more obvious because I make up things. Like when our twins were tiny and complaining about random things, I'd call them "Complainababy" and if they were congested they were "Conjestababy". Yes, I understand normal people don't do that. I embrace who I am.

And watch how she flexes her hands as soon as she leaves the room to rid herself of the awful feeling of making a deal with the Smitty. Sorry, Lucy, but there won't be enough hand sanitizer in the world to save you from what he has planned for you.

"Hey." "Hey." "I just heard Lauren Fuji is retiring." "Really? That's surprising."

I have thoughts about this that are at the bottom of the episode notes, so skip there if you want my honest thoughts on this right away. Or you can keep reading the Meta and we'll get to that later.

"Don't you get it? It means there's an opening in Metro. Well, at least there was."

This is the first information to Lucy that's new, and she cocks her head at it. Because it is completely plausible that someone else swooped in and took the position she tried so hard to hand-carve for Tim. And that would suck, but it can totally happen.

And I love the way Tim (via Eric Winter) is punctuating his words, here. Tim is pumped up and excited, and it's so beautiful to see. He has been through so much heartache throughout the run of this show. We've seen Tim Bradford at his lowest.

But now we get to see him on the way up in a big way.

"Lieutenant Pine just called me 15 minutes ago, and I'm going over."

Timothy Bradford, you are gushing with excitement as you talk to your woman. I love how he leans forward toward her, like a kid with a secret that they can't help but share on the playground.

"That's great! Congratulations."

Lucy gives him a chest tap because she is truly excited for her man. I'm a tapper, myself, with my husband. So I think it's cute we share that, me and my fictional bestie.

But, she's also looking around the station to see if anyone noticed.

"Thanks. Grey gave me rock star review." "Well, he should. You're amazing."

Lucy's heart eyes and Tim's smile are sending me. He is smiling with all his teeth and every beautiful laugh line is alight with pure joy.

I'm also strangely excited to learn that Eric Winter's nose wrinkles like mine when he smiles big, sometimes, and that's so oddly comforting. My Eldest's nose does the same thing.

And how telling is it that we've had 5 years of watching Tim Bradford before I knew this little fact about his smile because we have never seen him smile like this before?

"I'm excited." *giggle* "I'm excited!"

There is something so sweet about excitement being such a foreign emotion to Tim that he has to verbalize it. Like it's bubbling out of him at a rate he can't control because he isn't accustomed to joy.

The last time he was happy, he was working the beat and was married to Isabelle. But, I argue, this is joy, not happiness bred of happenstance. Tim Bradford is bubbling with joy.

Professionally, his greatest fear has been advancing to the point that he's trapped at a desk. Tim likes to be on the streets, in the middle of the action, making things happen. Sitting might be great for Smitty, but not for Tim.

He took that hit for the love of Lucy. Now, everything in this episode implies that this was a waystation situation, where Tim was waiting for an opening to make a move. Grey tells him to "hang in there" and Nyla seems completely aware that they're waiting for something to open up to move him over.

His main goal in taking this desk job was to keep Lucy at Mid-Wilshire. The icing on the cake was that they got to see each other every day and didn't have to deal with syncing shifts.

Lucy knew before Tim took the job that he'd be positively miserable. The staging literally has him in a corner with his back to Roll Call, his back to the action, his back to what he loves.

Now, he's moving up to Metro, and it's definitely movement forward in his career, gets him back out on the streets, and keeps his relationship with Lucy from crossing any lines that might warrant an IA investigation.

The Tim Bradford we met in the Pilot was a man whose life was on pause. He was in a holding pattern with his job, with his wife, with his sense of self. Lucy entered his life, and it's like someone pressed "Play", again.

And it wasn't even romantic, at the beginning. Lucy is just this ball of light that stepped into his world. At first, it was blinding to him and he bit back at her as much as she snapped at him. But as she refined her glow, he softened his gaze, and they somehow met in the middle when the time was right.

Tim Bradford today is a man who has faced his trauma with his father head-on. Is there still healing to do? Hell, yeah. But he's on his way, now, instead of repressing and avoiding. He's working on his relationship with his little sister.

He's trying to be a complete human being—not only running from the image of his father, but embracing all the best parts of himself and owning them as his own unique identity.

Tim Bradford is closer to himself than he's been in a long time. Peeling back the layers of anguish, trauma, heartache, and abuse... it's taken time. And Lucy's been there for so much of it. For her to be the love of his life? Only fate (and the writers) could weave the tapestry so aptly.

Tim is excited. He has something to look forward to every day in his job. He has something to look forward to every night with the woman he loves. He's no longer looking back. For the first time in his life, Tim can truly look forward with excitement.

And Lucy's giggle!? I love her giggle. I doubt she's ever seen Tim this giddy and it made her giggle. And, yes, we know that she made that happen.

And, let me tell you, it's fun when you can make something happen for the person that you love. Puts a special warmth in your chest the bubbles out, sometimes.

"Let's go to dinner tonight and celebrate."

The cadence here reminds me of Tim telling Angela to proudly show off her baby belly while wedding dress shopping. It's a type of abandon we've heard in Tim's voice only when directed at other people and never at himself.

Tim wants to celebrate this amazing achievement. He wants to celebrate something amazing that happened to him. Before, he wasn't that jazzed about his award, except for how it could help with his forward momentum. Jackson built a shelf for his (with Nolan's help), and Tim probably has his in the back of his closet.

But Tim was excited about making Sergeant (remember his pride hanging up his new uniform before he opened his locker to see the booties?) and he's proud of this. But, it's amplified because Tim Bradford's life is finally coming together.

Career. Love. Found Family (even if he doesn't yet realize it). Sibling Relationship. Finances (he and Genny made bank on that house sale in the LA Real Estate Market). Tim's life is coming up Roses.

"Do you need any help?"

I have seen a few people disappointed that Tim didn't show up to help her at the end, but he asked her if she needed him and she said she had to do it alone.

He's not going to go against her wishes because he has learned to trust her and her judgment. He knows that if she truly needs him, she will ask. Lucy's far past not asking Tim for what she needs.

He talked out Emmett with her once he understood that's what she needed. He gave her a hug after Jackson's death.

"But tomorrow it is a date. We are gonna celebrate you. Congratulations. They're really lucky to have you." "Thank you."

Tim can't help himself. He reaches for her left hand with his right. He wants to touch her. He wants to be closer to her. Because he has never been this happy.

Lucy giggles as he briefly holds her hand before she separates herself. But, I swear, that man looked like he wanted to kiss her right then and there.

"Good Job!"

She taps his arm, again, as he goes. And, wow, I can't remember seeing Tim smile this much with teeth ever. He's beaming as he watches her go, his eyes trailing after her until the last second he can no longer see her.

He nods to himself. "Yup. That's the woman I'm going to marry." Not right this moment, obviously, because we're all enjoying the ride and there's no rush. But, someday. And he knows it.

I've seen folks worried about his face falling, but I think we're simply unaccustomed to seeing Tim's face resolve to neutral after a big smile. Something about his face threw me back to 5x02, so I went back and looked. And, yup, tears in his eyes, here, too. Tears of joy.

Tim Bradford is joyful, my friends. So full of joy that it's overflowing. And after all the heartache, heartbreak, and pure hell of his life... it makes it all the sweeter.

This man would do anything for her. She would do anything for him. In one another they've found their equal—that one person who meets them where they are in intensity and devotion.

One flame does not overwhelm the other, but they help each other's glow brighter and stronger. When one is dimming, the other provides the light.

This give-and-take is the culmination of years of long nights, early mornings, complex conversations, deep dives, flare ups, cool downs, in-jokes, and trust building. It's fictional, sure, but we're getting to see true love in real-time, and I am so thankful for this ride.

"I'll admit, I've been lax about cleaning it." "How lax?" "Either Clinton or Bush was the president." "Which Bush!?"

I laughed so hard at this line. It cracked me up so bad I didn't even hear the next lines. Of course, I went back and figured it out, but I love Smitty. In small doses, he really does add a bit of levity to the show.

Also, Lucy in a hazmat suit!? The things she does for love.

Because, even though we didn't see Tim and Lucy in a post-coital cuddle-fest, or a shirtless trek through Lucy's kitchen, or even a kiss between these two this week... we're getting to see sacrificial love. Not the kind that gives too much, but the kind that gives-and-takes.

Tim and Lucy are in love (even if they haven't uttered the words, yet). They're demonstrating it through how they treat one another, and it's such a beautiful reminder that relationships are so much more than sex and attraction.

It's about growing together, supporting one another, calling each other on your crap, and finding ways through the hardships of life together.

This is a place where The Rookie really excels. They show couples who work through life together, who love each other even when there is no cozy morning-after because they overslept, or the alarm went off too early, or a dog or kid needs something.

Love is complex and layered, and I love that we're not seeing Tim and Lucy in pound town every week. Like, sure, they're going there, but to see a healthy relationship? That is what both Tim and Lucy have lacked until now.

Tim and Lucy finally have a love that matches their souls. I'm grateful for every morsel of it that we get to see on screen. But just knowing that Tim and Lucy are this unbelievably happy and they're together? That's enough for me.

I used to watch Janeway and Chakotay touch once every 10 episodes and call it a victory. Mulder and Scully danced around each other forever and I was able to cope. So, the scenes we get of Chenford feel like four course meals, and I'm thankful to eat them again, and again, and again. The meals... I mean.

So, what were Rachel's hangups on this one? Lies, Clarity, and Metro. For separate reasons, I got a little stuck on these three.

Lies

I have a big problem with lies, as some readers know. When Lucy and Tim mentioned they promised not to lie to one another and then spent the entire episode lying, it got under my skin.

Now, I'm all for Loving Spousal Surprises. I've given them (my husband's 30th Nerf Battle Surprise Birthday) and received them (4-hr scavenger hunt Engagement).

But hearing the promise at the beginning followed by a whole episode of lying triggered my trauma.

I started writing the Meta and it was too colored by my own experiences. So, I stepped back, deleted everything I wrote, and started fresh with just the bones.

Sometimes, we have to be careful our past prejudices don't ruin our present experiences. At least, that's something I've learned.

Clarity

The ambiguity as to whether the team is in-the-know, oblivious, or pretending-to-be-oblivious regarding Chenford was frustrating. It made it really hard to write because I felt like the cues from the scenes shifted throughout the episode going in multiple directions.

I am not a person who minds that we didn't get a Morning After (plenty of time to see Domestic Chenford), or that we didn't get the DOD Tattoo (it's hers, not theirs), and I wouldn't even mind if we missed seeing everyone find out/announce they know.

From the first scene with Nyla, I thought they were obviously open about their dating. But, then at Nolan's, Angela was giving "knowing" eyes and Tim kept his distance. Then it was over to the final Chenford scene where Lucy and Tim both look guarded about who might be watching.

My take? I figured everyone knew but Chenford thought they didn't. But, that's a far bigger guess than most of my guesses, so I felt uncomfortable writing it. I like to draw from what I see, not try to draw over it. I'm a hapless fan sharing uneducated interpretations, not the writer of the scenes.

So, I tried to avoid talking about it with this Meta since I don't feel like I can yet speak with certainty on the matter.

Metro

"If you ever do consider Metro, give me a call."

If it was this easy, why did Lucy have to go through a thousand hoops? Sure, it was great practice for the inevitable Wedding Place Setting game down the line, but why was this line here if it wasn't an option for Tim?

And why didn't Nolan say anything during the brainstorming session? I know we like to talk about him being clueless, at times, but he's far from idiotic. It might've been pertinent information, or an "in" to help expedite Tim's ascension.

I struggled with the directionality of the scene. Watching it the first time, I was convinced it would feed into the quest to find Tim a new position. If it wasn't there for Tim, was it to show that Nolan isn't where he's supposed to be? Are we setting up for Nolan to pop over with Tim at some point?

And, again, why didn't anyone think to give her a call about Tim, an officer who is far more seasoned and qualified for the position? No shade thrown at Nolan, but that's objectively true, and I couldn't fathom why this scene was structured the way it was if it wasn't going to help Tim. Maybe it's planting the seed for another episode down the line...

EDIT: The amazing @wordgirl40 pointed out in the comments that all the moving pieces on the board were Sergeants, and that hadn't stuck with me when watching the scene. I still think Nolan could have put in a phone call to help with things, but even that tiny clarification makes it easier to follow. Thank you!

Enough of my hangups. Thanks for bearing with me.

I want to draw out one line that I thought was really interesting, considering the "Found Family" angle of the episode.

Grey told Celina, "You have a new family of brothers and sisters. Remember that."

It's true. Big Brother/TO Tim was the one to realize what was bothering Celina and call her out. And how soft was he with her once he assessed the whole situation (no, he's not single, Carla. Ay, dios mio!)?

Big Brother/TO Nolan ran into the building to retrieve Celina. They had her back professionally and personally.

And the team had Tim and Lucy's backs. Like, this really is a beautiful little Found Family.

When Lucy and Tim do get married, if her parents don't show up, Grey can walk her down the aisle. Tamara will be her Maid of Honor and Tim's Best Woman will be Angela, of course. They'll be surrounded by people who love them without criteria or constraints.

Found Family is often stronger than bio family, I've found. And for Tim and Lucy—two people for whom "family" is a bit broken—their Found Family will always be there for them. For Tim. For Lucy. For Chenford. And for the family they'll build together.

Because love is a gift best given freely and with abandon. That is what this ensemble of characters have. At the end of the day, they will never lack in love.

As always, thanks for reading and bearing with me on the delay on this one. It was the most challenging, thus far. But I'm still loving every second of this Chenford ride.

#Chenford #Lucy Chen #Tim Bradford #Melissa O'Neil #Eric Winter #The Rookie #Meta #Lucy x Tim #Tim x Lucy

[wheels-of-despair]

Enough | A Make Up Story | Tom Grant x You | Series Masterlist

Deleted Scene: Hurricane Jade Summary: Tom gets an unexpected visitor during a cold winter alone. Words: 1.1k Note: This takes place between the final chapter and the epilogue.

"Hey."

Tom turns away from the petrol tanks he's installing to see… Jade. Just standing there, staring at him in that stupid jacket she'd once wrapped around Ruth. He feels the rage start to bubble immediately.

"I come in peace," she says, her hands held out in a submissive gesture. "Can we talk?"

"Nothing to talk about." He turns back to the tanks, although he can't remember what he was doing with them. He glares at the wrench in his hand, wishing it would get to work and make him look busy.

"Just for a minute. Then I'll go away forever."

This seems like too good an offer to pass up.

"Fine," he says through gritted teeth, dropping the tool on the grass beside the tank with a soft thud. Tom crosses his arms impatiently and turns around to lean against the side of the caravan, hoping the annoyance is evident on his face.

The park was still a few months away from opening, and he had plenty of time to get things in order, but he didn't like being interrupted. Especially by Jade. What the hell does she want from him, anyway? Hasn't she ruined enough already?

Jade smiles awkwardly and sits in the grass. What did she expect, to be invited in for tea? She stretches out her legs and crosses her ankles. She looks far too comfortable.

"I've sold Gran's caravan," she says casually, brushing her hand gently across the blades of grass at her side. "Ruth and I are leaving at the end of the month."

He wants to tell her that doesn't care. "Why?" he asks instead.

"We've decided to go out and see the world. The park is too full of memories for us both."

Right, because they're the ones who had their hearts broken there.

"Where will you go?" Dammit Tom, stop asking questions. You don't care, remember?

"Dunno yet." She folds her hands in her lap and smiles up at him. "Thought we'd just go to the airport and get on the first cheap flight to somewhere hot."

Tom's brow furrows. Is she joking?

"You think we're mad." It comes as a statement, not a question, so Tom doesn't feel the need to respond.

"I think it'll be fun, just figuring things out as we go."

The thought of going off into the world without a sensible plan makes Tom uneasy. Almost as uneasy as he feels under her gaze.

"I've been packing, and I've been doing a lot of thinking."

Tom stares at his shoes, wishing she'd get to the point.

"Do you love her?"

"Why, are you trying to pawn her back off on me before your big escape?" Tom spits.

"I'm not talking about Ruth."

Right. The other girl who left him a few months ago.

"I've been thinking a lot about her."

So has Tom. He's tried to stop. Tried to move on. But every time he goes near the stove, he thinks of her. The way she explained things so patiently, the way she teased him, the way she'd playfully bump him out of the way with her hip. He's been existing off of cereal and takeout. Every time he enters his empty caravan, it hits him that she's not there to ask about his day, or laugh with him at a dumb movie, or share his bed. Every minute he's not working, he's haunted by the ghosts of people who don't want him.

It's made him a model employee, but a miserable man.

Tom's heart feels heavy. He sinks to the ground and sits across from Jade. Sounds like she's ramping up for a long one. Might as well get comfortable.

"When I was a kid, Mum moved us around all the time. I lost count of how many schools I went to. Almost always ended up back at Gran's in-between. And when Gran moved down here, I had no one… until I found her."

Tom picks a blade of grass and twists it in his fingers.

"She was the only person I could ever depend on. Like a lighthouse in the storm. No matter how bad things got, she was always there to guide me home. She was home."

Hurricane Jade, he thinks.

"People come in and out of my life so often, I barely remember their names. They're all just… passing through on their way to somewhere better. But she liked me for me, even when I didn't like myself. She loved me, although I probably didn't deserve it. She was always there for me when I needed her. I just never stopped to think that she might need me too."

Tom hates that he can't hate Jade right now.

"How did you meet her, Tom?"

Tom looks into Jade's eyes for the first time since he sat down, and much to his surprise, he tells her the story. An abridged version, but more than he'd planned to give her; from the night she nearly ran him over until that last kiss goodbye. Damn that intense gaze.

"Have you talked to her since?"

Tom shakes his head once. She hadn't left a number, or an address. She didn't want him. Nobody did.

"Did you ever tell her that you loved her?" Jade asks quietly.

Tom nods and swipes angrily at the traitorous tear that escaped from his eye. He's never felt so alone in his life.

Jade reaches into her pocket and pulls out an envelope. She stands and steps toward Tom, holding out the paper. He doesn't reach out to take it, so she leans down and places it on the ground next to him.

"Would you give this to her next time you see her?"

"Dunno where she is."

Jade smiles in a knowing way that breaks the spell and makes Tom's rage begin to bubble again.

"I should get back," she says, dusting the grass from her legs. "Thank you for today, Tom. I hope you find the happiness you deserve."

Tom is suddenly faced with the urge to roll his eyes.

"Ruth and I are at Sleepy Sunrise 'til the end of the month, if you'd like to come say goodbye. I'm sure it would mean a lot to her; Ruth really does feel awful about the way things happened."

He'll not be going, but he nods once to acknowledge he heard it.

Jade smiles her dumb smile one more time and begins to walk away. Tom stares at the sealed white envelope on the ground, rather than the back of her tacky jacket, and wonders what the hell he's supposed to do with it.

"Tom?" He looks up, and Jade has turned around. "Always tell her what you want and how you feel."

"What?" he asks. But she's already rounded the corner and disappeared from sight. Tom picks up the envelope and turns it over.

He's got a long drive ahead of him.

#writings of despair #tom grant is enough #tom grant #tom grant x you #tom grant x reader #...with minimal presence in this one.

[eventinelysplayground]

Led Away

It's @judejazza birthday today so Happy Birthday to you! I wanted to write something to hopefully make you laugh/smile since I know you had some rough patches lately. I know absolutely 0 about Jude so unfortunately it's not a story with him but I asked a little birdie (@nightghoul381) and they gave me some suggestions for the fandoms I'm more comfy in and a version of this idea immediately popped into my head so hopefully we picked a good suitor even though it's not your hubby 🙂. I haven't written Arthur a lot but this was a great chance to get more comfy writing him. Arthur reminisces about one of Mitsuki's previous birthdays that didn't go as planned. WC approx 1862.

🎂🎁🥳🎂🎁🥳🎂🎁🥳🎂🎁🥳

“What about right here?”

Mitsuki pointed to a fallen log while placing the picnic basket on the ground and Arthur laughed.

“If you say so, Love.”

Arthur passed Vic's leash to Mitsuki while readjusting the blanket he carried and got to work setting up their picnic. The trees weren't quite so dense in this area and just enough afternoon light came through so the whole place seemed to have an other worldly charm about it.

As Mitsuki wandered around the small clearing with Vic she turned over her shoulder to call to Arthur.

“Do you remember when we first found this place?”

“Of course I do, bloody wanker ruining my plans.”

“Arthur, don't talk about your best friend like that. Plus it all worked out in the end.”

“Luckily enough for him.”

*** About two years earlier ***

“It's Toshiko-sans birthday next week isn't it?”

Several of the mansion residents had been gathered around the dining table when Dazai entered through a window with that statement.

“Can't you use the door like the rest of us?”

“Ai-kun you seem to be in low spirits here, have this.”

Dazai put an apple down in front of Isaac causing him to grumble while Arthur laughed.

“I dare say that should cheer you up, Newt. As to your inquiry, it is indeed Mitsukis birthday next week and I've already planned quite the romantic day for her.”

“You should try to make Hondje happy on her birthday, not miserable like every other day.”

“Wanker.”

“Heh.”

“Don't talk to your friends like that Theo. I'm sure Mitsuki will love whatever you've planned Arthur.”

“Thank you Vincent you're such an angel, hard to believe you're related to that devil.”

“Klootzak.”

“Schei uit Theo.”

“As fun as it is to watch you scold Theo Vincent, I have a deadline soon and want to make sure I'm well ahead of schedule. Good day gents.”

Arthur left the dining room whistling a jaunty tune, not noticing Theo's devilish smirk.

So the days passed by until finally it was Mitsukis birthday. Arthur woke up bright and early and headed straight for the kitchen making a delightful breakfast that he carried up to Mitsukis room. He steadied the tray in one hand before patting his pocket and knocking on the door.

“It's me Love.”

“Arthur? Come in.”

Arthur entered the room and found Mitsuki still in her nightgown sitting on the edge of the bed. He noticed her eyes widening as she saw the breakfast tray and he couldn't help but smile at her.

“You made me breakfast?”

“Of course, it's the first part of my plan after all.”

“Huh?”

“My plan for you to have a romantic birthday with me.”

Arthur and Mitsuki ate breakfast together as he explained his plan in greater detail. He could tell she was excited by the gleam in her eyes and hated to tell her the next part.

“I had originally planned to spend the whole day with you but unfortunately my publisher asked for a meeting this afternoon. I'll be back in time for the last parts of my plan though so don't fret.”

“It's okay, the day already sounds delightful and truthfully I feel very spoiled already. You really didn't have to go through all this trouble for me, thank you.”

“Balderdash! Of course I needed to make a big deal of your birthday, no thanks required.”

A charming smile crossed his lips and he moved the breakfast tray to the bedside table.

“Though if you really insist.”

Arthur leaned in and kissed Mitsuki trailing his hands along her curves. Their kiss deepend and he heard a sweet moan escape her lips before she pulled away.

“It's too…mmm early… for this sort of thing.”

Arthur had punctuated her sentence with kisses to her soft lips. He stopped looking at her and feigned a frown before moving in to kiss her neck.

“You're absolutely right. I suppose I'll have to content myself with this then.”

He brought his lips back to Mitsukis neck making sure to use enough pressure that when he pulled away a bright red mark was left behind.

“Arthur!"

Mitsuki brought her hand up to her neck to cover his handiwork.

“How am I supposed to cover this up?”

“Why with this of course.”

Arthur held up his hand palm down. Dangling from between his fingers was a choker, the band made from black velvet with a dainty sapphire charm hanging from its center.

“Arthur, it's beautiful.”

Silently he moved her hair out of the way and clasped the choker around her neck before kissing her on the cheek.

“This was part of your plan too wasn't it?”

“We really should get going, we have a busy day ahead of us.”

With another kiss to Mitsukis lips Arthur got up and left the room. The day went by like most other days did except for the big luncheon party to celebrate the day. Shortly afterwards Arthur snuck up on Mitsuki while she was dusting and stuck a bouquet of flowers under nose while wrapping an arm around her waist.

“I have to go now but as I told you this morning I'll be back in time for us to go out for dinner.”

Arthur leaned in closer and nipped her ear and she let out a tiny gasp.

“And for us to have dessert.”

He smiled at the way her cheeks and ears had gone red and left the mansion in high spirits anticipating what would be waiting for him when he got back. However when Arthur returned a few hours later he couldn't find Mitsuki anywhere. He asked the other residents that were home but none of them had seen her. After over a half hour and still not finding her he was becoming anxious. It may have been early spring but there was still a chill in the air and as the sun was starting to set it was only going to get cooler. At that moment Theo returned from a walk with King.

“Theo, have you seen Mitsuki?”

“You mean you haven't found her?”

“What the devil do you mean by that!?”

Theo coughed nervously as he explained what had happened. Apparently when Theo got home he decided to see if he couldn't ruin Arthur's plans by getting Mitsuki annoyed with him.

“All I did was tell her to get ready a bit early and meet you out in the gardens. Hondje should have been there waiting for you.”

“I checked the gardens, she wasn't there, she's not anywhere.”

“It's not like Hondje to go wandering off on her own. I'll help you look for her after I put King back in the kennel.”

“Don't you think you've done enough mate?”

“Arthur. Come on, you know-”

The two men were interrupted by Vic who had come dashing up to them barking furiously at them.

“Vic!”

Arthur knelt down ruffling Vic's ears. He was covered in leaves and mud and his leash wasn't attached to him.

“He was in the kennel when I went and got King after talking to Hondje.”

“Likely she got bored while waiting and decided to take Vic for a walk. Something must have interrupted her though because his leash isn't attached and he's filthy.”

“You have a plan?”

“Vic came from that direction, let's start looking for her there.”

“I'll go get the others to help.”

Arthur and Theo set off in opposite directions, their dogs following them. As Arthur got further out and closer to the edge of the woods he spotted something in the grass. He bent down picking up Vic's leash.

“I dare say old boy she certainly came this way.”

“Ruff.”

Arthur attached Vic's leash to him and continued searching heading deep into the woods. He estimated he had been walking for at least a half hour when Vic started pulling at his leash. Arthur looked down at Vic and then in the direction he was pulling in.

“You think she's over that way?”

“Ruff Ruff Ruff!”

Arthur bent down ready to unclip Vic's leash.

“You better not get lost on me as well. I'm counting on you boy now go on, find her.”

As soon as the leash was off Vic took off in a mad dash with Arthur close behind him. The trees started to thin out and Vic ran faster. It wasn't long before Arthur heard Mitsukis voice.

“Vic! I'm so glad you're okay. Don't you ever run off like that again! I was worried about you.”

Arthur came to the edge of where the trees had thinned. In the center of a small clearing Mitsuki sat on the ground, her back to him and resting against a fallen log. There was just enough light from the moon let in to give the place an ethereal feel reminding him of a fairy circle. Mitsuki herself added to the atmosphere dressed in a gorgeous yet casual flowy dress.

“Did the fairies come to try and leed you away? Sorry to disappoint them if they did but I won't let them have you.”

“Arthur!”

Arthur made his way over to Mitsuki who was still sitting on the ground, tears rolling down her cheeks.

“I'm so happy to see you! I got tired just waiting around for you so I decided to take a walk with Vic-”

“But he took off on you and you gave chase ending up here where you tripped on an exposed tree root and from the looks of it twisted your ankle quite badly.”

“How did you?”

“Theo was telling me what he'd done as Vic showed up without his leash, which I found outside the woods. The dirt over there near the base of that big tree is disturbed and you're knees are scraped, also you're still sitting on the ground leading me to the conclusion you can't move easily. Now let me take a better look at your ankle.”

Arthur gingerly examined her ankle and just as he had suspected she had twisted it badly enough to damage some of the muscles.

“I'm sorry Arthur. I know you had a whole romantic evening planned out for us and I ruined it.”

“Bullocks!”

“It's true, if I had just been more-”

Just then Vic, who had been sitting with his head in Mitsukis lap, raised his head in rapt attention. Arthur and Mitsuki both followed his gaze and saw a huge rabbit sitting there.

“That's the same rabbit Vic took off after earlier!”

Arthur lunged for Vic's collar but the canine was faster and took off in a mad dash after the rabbit.

“He’s gone again. What do we do now?”

Arthur stood up then picked Mitsuki up in a princess carry, a wicked smile on his face.

“We’re going back to the mansion.”

“But what about Vic!”

“Theo can find him, punishment for what he did. Plus do you really think I'd pass up a chance to play doctor with you.”

Arthur laughed as Mitsuki whacked him lightly on the chest.

“You're incorrigible!”

“And I'll never deny it.”

Arthur leaned down and gave Mitsuki a passionate kiss.

“Happy Birthday Love.”

#ikemen vampire #ikevamp #ikemen vampire arthur #ikevamp arthur #ikevamp fanfic #starlitmanornetwork

[mentallyshattered]

This is part 11 of the "What if Yuu didn't want to go back?" Series!

(I, the author of this work, do not consent to this work being crossposted/translated without my knowledge or used to train an AI, ever.)

Masterlist

By the time I leave, I have a ready-to-use phone and a phone case that somehow reminds me of both Grim and Pomefiore, courtesy of Rook. And, bonus: the touchscreen works through my gloves, so I can use it after class without taking them off and risking losing them.

Grim seems to like the charger more than the phone- naturally. He's a cat, the charger is a long thing that waves and dangles, that's what I figured would happen.

"No, Grim, don't bite that. Come on, let's put on our dorm uniforms and go find a nice stick to make a toy out of."

"Nice stick? How am I supposed to hold that?"

"You aren't. I have a piece of string to tie to it."

"So..."

"I can wave the stick around, and you can chase the string."

Grim's face lights up, and he magically changes into his dorm clothes without further instruction or prompting. I head into the closet.

The dorm uniform is incredibly comfy. The fabric is not only soft, but also tailored to fit me, and thermal in such a way that I'm never cold. I ought to wear this more.

When I reenter the room, Grim hops readily onto my shoulder. Off to find a toy, I suppose.

But, even as I search, something eats at me. It's nothing I don't recognize, but it's nothing I can just deal with- it's the knowledge that, out of all the people here, I am the only one with no magic.

Just knowing I've made it this far, so far, and I'm missing that one final thing- Grim wants to be a great sorcerer, so I either hold him back by keeping him with me 24/7, stick with him and watch as I pretend I'm okay with being so close to magic, and yet so far from having any of my own, or die.

I don't want to die. Not anymore. Not now, not when my death will actually hurt people. Not when there are people who will miss me and mourn me and wish I stayed. Not when my absence will open an unfillable hole in someone's heart.

I don't want anyone to feel that, because I've felt it myself, and it hurts. It hurts so much, like there's a part of you that's just void, and it's sucking the life out of you, bit by bit.

I felt that. For years, I felt that, killing me wholly and forcing me to live, day after night after miserable day, with no end in sight.

No. I won't die now. I'll wait until I've lost Grim and Vil and Rook and Epel and Korrak and Mandible and Deuce and Ace. I'll die when I'm just a distant memory of "one of our roomies in college," and "that classmate from my first year at Night Raven," and "the freshman with the flame-eared familiar."

I will die when I am nothing more than "that blurry memory of someone I knew and forgot."

"Monseur Mystery."

Rook's voice is soft, and tender, and worried, and caring, and kind. Kind. Kind, because he doesn't care about my lack of magic- he cares about me, the freshman with the flame-eared familiar. He cares about me, Monseur Mystery. He cares about me. Me, someone he knows and hasn't forgotten.

I needed that reminder. It's so quiet out here. My thoughts spiral and I can't stop it and there are tears streaming down my face, leaving little dark spots on Rook's dorm uniform.

I blink. Weren't we just on the ground? This ground is soft, like- oh, Rook moved us into a tree. I'm sitting on his thigh, not leaves. That makes sense.

No matter. With his arms wrapped around me and my arms wrapped around his waist, I am safe. That much, I know.

Grim is saying something. I hear his words, I know what they mean, but the dots go unconnected, and I take comfort in simply knowing he's here.

"Monseur Mystery, I hope you do not mind. Vil wishes to see you."

Vil. Another person to whom I am not just a distant, fading memory. Another person who cares about the freshman with the flame-eared familiar. Another person who cares about Yuu.

Rook is tapping on glass now. I am still crying, tears still running down my cheeks and into the fabric of Rook's uniform.

Another pair of strong arms wrap around me, pulling me into an embrace that's warm like the heat from a lit fireplace and strong like the house it's built into.

Secure. I feel secure here, held by two people who are, in some way, my parents, the first parents I've ever had, and never had, because, somehow, I still feel as though my life has yet to start. Like I've never been born, but I've died nonetheless.

Despite that, I feel safe and secure and loved, for the first time in what's not yet my life, but not the first, rather, just the most intense.

Back then, when Vil cut and brushed my hair, when I told them how I'd known Grim's name, I had tried to hold back my tears. I wasn't just sad, I was scared, scared this new world would be just as cruel as the last.

But, here, now, I let the sadness show in my sobs, in my sniffles, in my hiccups, in my tears.

For the first time, I am embracing sorrow, and I am nearly alive, closer than ever before.

The tears have stopped. The despair has lessened. The sadness has given way to joy. Faint joy, but joy nonetheless.

Vil is holding my face in his hands, meeting my eyes with violet irises filled with compassion, the likes of which is so intense I could never dream it.

"What's wrong? Why were you crying?"

I look away from him for only a moment, because that's all the time it takes for me to realize I crave his affection and the look in his eyes.

"All I need is magic," my voice is breaking, "and that's the one thing I don't have."

"You know," Grim pipes up, "remember the thing with the water glass? You said the ripples on the surface were because of the footsteps of the students walking in the hall."

"Well... yeah. That's what footsteps do."

"The footsteps of five people, all at least twenty meters away and trying to muffle their footsteps? On these solid floors?"

Wait. Grim has a point. Could those ripples have really been... me?

No. "There are a thousand things other that magic that could've caused that, Grim. Not all of them were there, sure, but only one had to be."

"Let me see your magestone." Vil's sudden request catches me off guard.

"Why?"

Vil just holds out his hand. "You'll see."

I hand him my magestone, and he holds it up to the light.

"Perhaps," he begins, "it is for the better that you know no spells."

The gem shines a beautiful black, all the way through- with the sole exception of three little lines of Pomefiore purple at the bottom that form a sort of upside-down trident head.

"Why is that, Vil?"

"Because," he smiles, "you would've overblotted by now if you used any magic."

"Overblotted?" For once, mine and Grim's voices are in total unison.

"Yes. Using too much magic, with no rest, causes blot buildup. But," he places my magestone back in my palm, "so do negative emotions."

"What are you?.."

"Do you know what blot requires, Yuu?"

"Uhh, nope."

Vil smiles, closing my fingers over my obsidianesque gem.

"Magic."

#disney twisted wonderland #twisted wonderland #disney twst #twst vil #m!yuu #twst grim #twst yuu #twst rook #tw mentions of death #twst #what if yuu didn't want to go back

[frickingnerd]

stuck in li garte prison

pairing: eunie x gn!reader

summary: your desperate attempts to break out of prison before the eclipse only got you injured, so eunie tries to heal you

"leave me alone–!!"

eunie was just trying to help you, but after everything that had happened, you couldn't accept her help. you were too focused on your own failures to accept anyone else trying to help and make you feel less miserable. and so, you tried to push her away, hissing those words at her like some wild animal, only for eunie to step closer anyways. 

"you're hurt!" eunie gently rested a hand on your arm. "inside and outside…"

in response, you simply huffed at her. you knew you couldn't deny it. but you couldn't accept it either. 

"just… sit down for a moment and stop being so stubborn, alright?"

the eunie you knew would've hit your arm by now and called you an idiot. despite how blunt eunie was right now, she wasn't completely herself. being locked away like this had gotten to her as well. she couldn't annoy you or crack jokes anymore. who knew if she ever could again. 

you sighed and sat down, just like eunie commanded. you didn't want your last few days together be spent arguing. 

"i can't do a lot without my weapon, but i can do a bit… but it might hurt!"

just as eunie said those last few words, she suddenly yanked your arm, causing you to cry out in pain. 

"what the hell–? how is that supposed to–"

"you dislocated your shoulder while hitting those bars and now it's in its place again. the others might've not noticed, but i'm a medic!"

you really couldn't hide anything from eunie. you lowered your head, still mumbling to yourself, though eunie could hear the quiet "thank you" that slipped from your lips. 

"if you want to repay me for my kindness, you could take a break for once. i know our time runs out soon, but i don't want things to end like this. i don't want you to torture yourself until then…"

eunie stared at you, but you didn't seem to want to say anything in return. just when she got up again, deciding to give it up, you opened your mouth again. 

"i… i'll think about it"

#eunie x reader #eunie xenoblade #xenoblade eunie #eunie #x reader #x you #x y/n #x gn reader #fluff #angst #hurt/comfort #oneshot #xenoblade chronicles 3 #xenoblade chronicles #xenoblade x reader #xenoblade #xc3 #xc

[j2lx]

Strong Enough (Maki Zenin x Reader Oneshot)

Injuries are a part and parcel of life as a Jujutsu sorcerer, and Maki understood that fully. But when you get injured because of your own unwillingness to stop training, how will your girlfriend react?

Warnings: injuries, mentions of dizziness, a little bit of angst and insecurity if you squint, overall just really fluffy <3

A/n: Ahhhh I'm so sorry I took so long to write this =") This is my first one shot so I hope you all like it!

Word count: 1.2k

"It's too hot for this…"

"Shake."

"OI! Toge and Panda, you get your asses over here this instant!" your girlfriend screamed at the two figures hiding under the shade of a huge tree on the opposite end of the field.

Maki Zenin was a fierce and feisty girl, but she was really gentle and easily flustered once she was in a relationship. Of course, only you knew that. And as the two of you stood under the scorching summer heat at Jujutsu High, you are reminded of how Maki is when she isn't being all lovey dovey. Oh she's scary all right.

Panda and Toge immediately dashed over, clearly not wanting to suffer Maki's wrath. "Anyways, we'll pair up and train today. We'll start off by having Panda and Y/n spar with each other. Which means Toge will be with me. Then we'll change the pairings after 30 minutes, ok?" Maki asked, looking at the 3 of you for a response. The 3 of you nodded, excited to finally be able to train together again. Recently, all of you just got assigned to individual missions almost everyday. At most, two of you would be sent to the same mission but there was hardly any time to talk anyways. All of your schedules had been flooded, so none of you had the time to train together.

As the 4 of you walked towards each half of the field you were assigned to spar in, Maki shouted, "Oh yeah keep yourselves hydrated! It's a hot day today!" You smiled, thinking about just how thoughtful your girlfriend was.

Sparring was fun, and always a new experience if your opponent happened to be Panda. He tried out many new tricks and strategies on you, which either made you lose miserably, or resulted in the both of you bursting out in laughter. It was all going fine until you started to feel your head throb… and oh shoot the ground was moving. The heat was making you dizzy and you couldn't really keep your balance. Panda, sensing that something was wrong, called for a water break, allowing you to get back under the shade to hydrate yourself.

As you were under the shade, you thought to yourself, "I'll be ok. Yep it's just the heat and once I'm hydrated after this break I'll be fine and I'll practice well. And later, I'll go against Maki."

You didn't know how wrong you were.

After the water break, you went back to sparring with Panda, but you still weren't feeling great. The heat made you feel unwell, and you felt like you were going to collapse at any second. Your movements slowed down and you started to get hit by the easiest of attacks. After Panda tackled you for the fourth time in a row, he frowned, and told you to sit out, since he sensed that you weren't feeling well.

You looked over at Maki and Toge sparring, and just how amazing your girlfriend was. You wanted to be just like her… so you couldn't afford to stop. You needed to train more. Shaking your head, you stood up and told him that it was fine to continue. He looked warily at you, but he knew he couldn't change your mind.

Being motivated by your girlfriend had its limitations. You were fine after seeing Maki spar and tackle Toge, because that gave you strength and motivation to be like her. And sure enough, you managed to land a hit on Panda. But after that, everything just went downhill, and before you knew it…

"Oh shoot, the heat is making my head spin…

I can't stand up anymore… the ground is spinning too…

I'm falling and I-"

Thud!

You fell to the ground as all those thoughts ran through your mind. You fell forward and ended up scraping your knee. You lay on the ground, feeling too faint to get up. You could hear footsteps and distant voices, but your mind was too hazy to process what was going on.

Before you knew it, Maki was in front of you. She checked to check that you were still breathing and awake, before picking you up, carrying you bridal style. She made sure she wasn't hurting you before she stared into your eyes, her own seemingly piercing into your soul.

"I'm bringing you to Shoko-san, and you're not going to argue with me, understand?" Maki hissed, worry and concern laced in her seemingly harsh words. You could see Panda and Toge nodding furiously from your peripheral vision, not wanting to see Maki angry anytime soon. You had no choice but to give in, allowing your girlfriend to carry you to get treatment.

The whole time Shoko treated you, Maki stood at the corner of the room, watching you but not saying anything. Shoko patched you up really quickly, giving you some antiseptic cream and some bandages to take back to your dorm. She also advised Maki to let you rest in your room after you took a cold shower. Maki nodded curtly, a small frown on her face as she carried you again, despite you telling her that you could walk just fine by yourself.

Maki placed you on a chair in your dorm room, before turning on the air conditioning. After passing you a glass of water and making sure that you were feeling alright, she headed to the bathroom to run a cold bath for you. She put you in the bath, and told you that she'll wait outside for you and that you could call her if you need anything. Somehow, you managed to talk her into having a bath with you, and the two of you enjoyed a comfortable silence with each other in the bathtub.

After the two of you had a cold bath, Maki sat with you on your bed, stroking your hair gently while making sure that you drank the juice she prepared for you.

"Maki?"

"Hmm?"

"Are you mad that I got injured?"

She furrowed her brows, and thought for a while before replying, "Yes, but no. I feel a little angry but at the same time I kind of think I know why you did what you did. Though, I can't say that I approve of the way you overstrained yourself despite feeling unwell…"

"I'm sorry… I- I just wanted to be as strong as you, especially when it comes to physical combat. I want to be strong enough to protect you, so it's not always you protecting me. I want to be stronger for you, my precious sweet girl," you confessed.

Maki's cheeks flushed red, clearly caught off guard by what you said. She looked at you and smiled, before saying gently, "I'm sure you'll be as strong, probably even stronger than me in the future baby. I'm happy to protect you as long as you need… I just don't want you to get hurt… Physically or emotionally. I love you and you mean the world to me, so don't get hurt too much ok? I need you."

You smiled and kissed Maki's forehead before leaning in such that both of your foreheads were touching. She took your hand and linked your pinkie with hers. Maki laughed a little, whispering, "I know this is kind of childish but still I rather do it this way. So, pinky promise that you'll take better care of yourself?"

You giggled before answering,

"Pinky promise.

Thank you @awkwardaardvarkforever for the idea!

I enjoyed writing this a lot and I hope all of you enjoyed reading it too! I'll post another fic this week so get ready for more fluff <3 (Also feel free to check out my 100 followers event! Only 2 more slots are left!)

© @j2lx, 2022

#jujutsu kaisen x reader #jujutsu kaisen x gender neutral reader #jjk x reader #maki zenin x reader #maki zenin fluff #maki zenin #maki x reader #maki zenin x y/n #maki zenin x you #maki zen'in #jujutsu kaisen fluff #jujutsu kaisen fanfic #jujutsu kaisen one shot #jujutsu kaisen x female reader #jujutsu kaisen #jjk fluff #jjk fanfic #jjk maki #jujutsu kaisen x you #jjk oneshot #maki zen'in x reader #maki zenin x gender neutral reader #maki zenin x female reader #jujutsu kaisen x gn reader #jjk x gn!reader #jjk x fem!reader #maki x gn!reader #maki x fem!reader #jujutsu kaisen x fem reader #soft maki moments <3

[forget-me]

Through sickness and in health.

You coughed as you went back to your home, you've haven't been feeling well all day as you worked. Even food made you nauseous, the smell alone made you want to gag.

You didn't feel the energy to even be at your computer, just wanted to lay down for as long as possible.

You wished you were well enough to call Micah but you just didn't have it in you today.

*ding*

A notification "from Micah: How was your day angel?"

You reached as you considered even texting him back at the moment. You did really miss him, it's been over a month since his first vist. It's a weird space at this moment as you two aren't REALLY dating but you were exclusive. I was waiting to still feel the air, everyday I grow more and more sure of him. Of Micah being a great boyfriend.

"Hey! Yeah my day just ended, but I don't feel well atm. :<"

"Oh. What's wrong my angel????? Did you take the day off??"

You did not, you thought you would feel much better as the day went on but alas you pushed yourself through another shift.

It was worse than usual, maybe you should have taken the day off.

"naurrrr, I thought I would feel better but ofc that didn't happen >:["

"Awe angel you need to take care of yourself, or I'll do it for you ;)"

"Don't even say that I could be doing better but I'll just make the most of it"

"That's is nope I'm omw"

Omg no he isn't

"BE READDDYYY"

Holy shit this guy-

*ding*

"BTW I also ordered you soup until I get there. Taking a private jet to get there sooner"

What the actual fuck.

This guy gets a private jet so he can get to you, because you are sick.

I hate Micah, I hate him so much. If you could hack a plane you would just so he didn't spend any more money than he needed too.

-------

It's gotten worse, it's so much worse than it needed to be. You couldn't really breath out your nose as it was too stuffy, no matter how many times you blow your nose into tissues your mouth is the only oxygen you are getting for now.

You head is pounding. It feels like bricks are constantly being smacked against your forehead. No medication you took has kicked in or maybe it's just not helping, the soup arrived but you didn't even have the strength to eat it.

It sits on your night stand as it gets colder.

You sit in front of your TV with the brightness down to distract your self somehow. It's been over 4 hours and you just waiting for Micah to get here, I hate how he flew to me for this, but you loved that he was gonna be at least in the same room as you. To see him would be enough to make you less miserable.

You missed him. You hate how you miss him. You miss him so much so begin to cry a little into your plushie, a mix of emotions rise up.

Was it because you were sick? Or maybe everything just hit you like a truck.

You wanted to be with Micah every day, to hang out with him in person. To come home to Micah after work. That would be enough.

"knock, knock~"

You jolt your head up as you jump out of bed to get the door.

As you whip it open you lose your balance, triping on your own two feet.

Micah caught you with I his arms,

"wooahhh ok ok settle down angel-"

You feel his warmth as you bring his closer into a hug, it was so safe and comfortable. He was here with you, YOU of all people. You were so happy he was there. Deep down you always wanted him here next to you. You bury your face into his chest and cry. More like a sob if anyone heard it, you hear his heart beat as it speeds up.

He wraps his arms around you and rubs your back in a comforting manner. You let tears fall as he places his chin at the crown of your head.

After your crying stopped he came in as he laid you back into your bed.

"I missed you. More than I say" you whisper, it was hard to communicate what the feeling was.

"I missed you too angel."

"You came all this way for me?"

"Anything for you, I would have hiked here if you needed me"

He put his hand on your cheek. You snuggled into as you placed your hand over his to keep it there. His hands were warm, a save heaven. A fire on a snowy day.

"I bought you some of my own homemade soup! Glad I did"

He gestured to the cold soup on the night stand. Micah continued.

"I also brought some meds of my own, thus should keep the stuffy nose away. This one does wonders for head aches, oh and this one is to help you sleep."

You look at your phone for the time.

"ONE AM?!?!?"

"Sshhhhh, angel please don't stress your self, I'm so sorry it took me so long to get here but I won't leave until you are better than ever."

"..your gonna stay?"

"Yes, well as long as you want me here." He kisses your hand.

"..stay..stay forever"

Micah is frozen, he stares aimlessly at you. Uh oh, you said the wrong thing. It just slipped out. You weren't really thinking about what you were saying.

Oh no, he thinks your weird. You sat up quickly.

"Ahaha never mind for get it, I didn't mean it just, omg I'm so sorry I wasn't thinking-"

"Ok angel"

"What"

you stopped, your heart dropped. What did he mean "ok"?

"I'll stay, forever." He was kneeled down beside the bed, still holding the hand he kissed, which so happened to be your left hand.

"I waaassss gonna give you this a later but I think you should have it now"

He fumbled to get inside his jacket pocket. He pulled out a blue velvet box.

"What-"

"Hey hey-" Micah started." You don't have to accept this right now but it feels right to give this to you know angel"

He opened the box. It was the cutest ring. It was angel themed with Two wings connecting the band together. Your nickname he gave you.

"This is a promise ring, sadly not an engaging ring but this will hold its place until I get one, you don't have to say yes to marriage yet. BUT it would be you saying yes to me, to me being your boyfriend. It would be you saying yes to us."

"Micah..."

You were speechless, you just stared at him. Signaling him to finish.

"So, I humble ask you my leige, will you be my partner? Through sickness and in health." We winked, you laughed as you nodded.

"Yes, god I hate you." You say through a laugh, you loved the way the ring looked on your ring finger.

"Its a lovely place holder, thank you." you lovingly say.

"I saw it and knew you just had to have it."

"Thank you Micah Yujin. "

"Of course angel, the world for you" as he kissed your hand once more.

#error143 #fanfic #micah yujin #dating sim #visual novel