#I don't really want to be the best anymore and I don't want to worry about what I ought to be doing

[mytheoristavenue]

MHA Fumikage Tokoyami x Reader - Dangerous - III

Summary: After losing your quirk, you confide in Tokoyami that your situation does, in fact, bother you.

Warnings: Heavy angst, vindictive!reader, cold!Tokoyami, mentions of jumping from a high place (NOT related to self harm/suicide)

By the time Tokoyami had made it back to his floor, you'd made a spectacle out of yourself. He stepped out of the elevator, momentarily surprised to see the class gathered around you, in awe of your reawakening. He side stepped the crown, making a beeline for the hall, simply wanting to go to bed for the night. He was a fool for thinking it'd be that easy.

"Hey, Tokoyami!" A chipper voice called him out, making him stop dead in his tracks. It was Uraraka, waving him over excitedly, seemingly confused why one of your best friends wasn't eager to share this moment with you. "(Y/N) got her quirk back, come see!"

Halfheartedly, he faked a sheepish smile, stepping closer. "Oh my, how foolish of me not to notice..." He said kindly, glancing over a shoulders at the ghostly light in your hands. He couldn't help but notice your feet lifting off the ground, elated with the praise you were receiving. Could you always float? Surely not, he decided.

"It's fine, Ochako," you said, noticing his presence, and for a moment, his spirits lifted with the thought that you weren't angry anymore, that you'd let him share this moment with you and your mutual peers. He was wrong. "He doesn't care, leave him be."

Tokoyami's heart sank at your words, even more so at the venom in them. The girl simply blinked at you, looking back and forth between the two of you, catching the rest of the class's attention.

"Oh no, are you guys having a fight?" Ashido piped up, tilting her head curiously. The crow stayed silent, eyeing you closely for your reaction. To his dismay, you didn't exactly dispute the accusation.

"I-It's nothing really, guys," You stammered, trying to regain the excitement of the crowd as Tokoyami turned his back. "A-Anyways! Check this out!" At that point, he was fed up with you, slipping into the hallway and ultimately hiding in his room, at home in the darkness.

"Fumi?" A staticky voice called, now at home and free to manifest and stretch his proverbial legs.

"Go away..." Tokoyami grumbled at his soulmate, laying down on the bed, not even bothering to kick out of his shoes. "I'm not in the mood."

"Is (N/N) still mad at us?" Dark Shadow insisted, nudging his host.

"Evidentally." The boy retorted, rolling over. "And there's no 'us', she isn't mad at you."

"Just you, then?" The creature taunted unwittingly, stretching out a bit further, tired from being locked away.

"Is there a point to this torment?" Tokoyami suddenly snapped, irritation evident by the way his feathers puffed around his face.

"Why not tell her you're sorry?" the shadow asked, shrugging as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. "Unless you're not sorry."

"It isn't that simple, Dark Shadow." The raven said, not caring to explain the intricacies of the situation.

"How come?"

The host finally groaned, sitting up with a sharp inhale. "I am sorry, okay! I'm sorry for hurting her feelings and saying the things I said but I won't apologize for voicing my concerns!" His feathers stood with anxiety as he hugged his knees closer. "I'm worried for her..." he finally muttered, looking away and venting out all his frustrations to his built-in best friend. "I didn't mean to hurt her feelings but I do feel that with how unstable her quirk currently is, that she could potentially harm someone."

"Why don't you just tell her that, Fumi?" Dark Shadow's head seemed to tilt in the soft violet light and his forehead found it's way under his user's hand, forcing pets.

Tokoyami seemed to soften further at the gesture, never one to deny him a cuddle as long as the two were alone. "I wish it were that easy..." he confessed with a sad smile.

"Why can't it be?" the parasite asked. "You can just say that you're sorry for upsetting her but you meant what you said, right?"

"Maybe after things cool off, not tonight." He finally relented, kicking off his shoes and snuggling up under the quilt with his 'brother'. "I'll smooith things over soon, I promise."

"The sooner the better," Dark Shadow added, nodding. "The longer you two fight, the longer (N/N) won't wanna love on me!" Tokoyami ignored the last remark, playfully rolling his eyes, resolving to put his phone on the charger and work on getting some sleep.

Come to think of it, where was his phone?

Oh no.

-----

You sniffled, curled up on the couch, your welcome home party officially over as the last few friends said their goodbyes and went to bed long ago. Why were you so sad? Why did you feel so empty? You got your quirk back and it seemed more powerful than ever. Your peers were overjoyed to see you showing off your new abilities. So why was it that the moment you weren't the center of attention, that you felt so...lonely?

The flames that engulfed your scalp earlier now burned weakly, only singeing the cerulean ends of your otherwise pale grey locks. You hadn't even noticed your quirk calming down as you wallowed in undeserving self-pity. Your mind replayed the night's earlier events like a rewound VHS tape, along with every emotion they made you feel. Butterflies from the heated kisses you'd shared with Tokoyami, trembling rage from his unsupportive words, heartwrenching relief from Nezu's decision, and the mind-numbing high and low of the sudden and addictive attention you drew from your classmates.

You cringed, remembering some of the things you'd said in response to him, namely the mention of him nearly killing people after losing control of Dark Shadow. That wasn't entirely true, and even if it had been, it didn't need to be said. You just had so little control over your emotions all of a sudden. You chalked it up to your reawakening at first, assuming it'd go away but you were starting to wonder if you'd feel so irrationally forever. Maybe Tokoyami was right, you mused. If you couldn't control your quirk in any way...you could be.

Your thoughts were suddenly shattered by the sound of soft footsteps, a stark contrast to the heavy ones you'd registered earlier in the night. That made it hard to pinpoint who was in the room wth you, you just hoped it wasn't-

"Forgot my phone," A deep voice called, stepping over to the balcony and sliding the door open. "You should head to bed soon, you're going out." He said matter of factly.

Something propelled you off the couch, though you weren't sure if it was the need for attention, to start a fight, or to make up. You followed him out onto the balcony flames climbing your strands ever so slightly. "Tokoyami, wait-"

"You're tired," he insisted, searching the ground where he sat earlier for his phone. "I'm tired. Let's talk in the morning." He denied you before you could even spark a conversation, rubbing you the wrong way.

"B-But-!" you protested, choking on your own tongue.

"Have you seen my phone?" He suddenly asked, unable to find a black object against a black background. Finally, he felt it, almost stepping on it. "Ah, there it is."

Something about his nonchalant tone that still managed to shut you down at every turn made your blood boil. "Are you even listening to me?" you snapped, the length of your hair igniting with crimson fury.

"No," he answered with a sigh, growing wary of your insistence on a conversation he wasn't ready to have. "Look," he finally peered up at you as he was still crouched for plucking his phone from the ground. "I'm pleased that you want to talk, but I beg of you, tomorrow."

"I wanna talk now!" You argued, unable to bite back tears. Why were you so angry? What he was asking was perfectly rational and, honestly the best for both of you. Why did you crave conflict so badly?

"(L/N)," he warned, standing to eye level. The lack of honorific and the formality of your name, as it left his beak, sent you over the edge, spiraling into a fit of anger that swallowed you whole.

"I'm so sick of you, you know that?!" You finally shouted a bold-faced lie. "I'm so sick of you walking around here all high and mighty, pretending you're better than everyone else! Doing whatever you want, playing with people's feelings!" Tears streamed down your cheeks as you internally begged yourself to stop, for your lips to magically stitch shut.

Tokoyami froze at your outburst, eyes glued to your tear-stained face and the inferno that engulfed your scalp, spreading across your skin. He watched as the wildfire broke the confines of your hairline until your entire skull was aflame. He didn't even have time to process your insults, acting on instinct as he reached out for you, expecting the heat to be unbearable. He paled when his hands settled on your shoulders and the flames licked his fingers and- he felt nothing. He was met with a third-degree tickle of warmth across his knuckles that under any other circumstances would have been pleasant.

You continued your barrage of cruelty against him, shoving him away against the balcony's railing as the ghostly vapor began to burn down your throat, feet leaving the ground as you began to float unconciously. "You just hate having me here that damn bad, don't you?! You think I'm some sort of liability to your reputation? You kjissed me and now you want me to leave beacuse you don't actually mean the things you said! You only wanted to get into my pants because you thought I'd leave and you'd never have to deal with the consiquences!"

"(L-L/N), stop!" He choked out as the flames overwhelmed your entire body like a human campfire. He once again put his arms out, though if it was to reach out to you or to keep you from hovering infinitely closer, he wasn't sure. Deciding to prioritize your safety over his own, he lunged forward, enveloping you in a tight embrace. "Y-You've got to fight it, you have to calm down!" He shouted, panicked tears pricking his eyes.

"Calm down!?" You screamed, writhing against his grasp, only secured more by the way Dark Shadow twisted around the pair of you when summoned forth.

"I know this isn't you, there's something wrong with your quirk!" He rationalized, holding you all the more tightly as if he were physically holding you together. "You're not an angry person, you're kind and gentle and whatever you're going through, we'll get through it together! But you have to stop this before you hurt someone!"

You struggled against him, trembling with fury as you continued, totally broken by the reminder that he was afraid of you. "Let me go, Tokoyami!" You screamed into the otherwise still night air. "If you think I'm so dangerous, then get away!"

"I won't!" He argued, tears burning out against you before they could fall. "I'll never let you go, (Y/N)!"

Under normal circumstances, his use of your given name would have made you freeze- made you blush and shyly tuck a strand of hair behind your ear. His refusal to withdraw from you should have filled you with warmth but instead, it just made it pour out of you. With a final try, you suddenly broke free of his grip, burning even more brightly. "You think I'm so dangerous!? You're so eager for me to leave?!" You cried, hovering over to the railing before climbing a top it.

Horror flashed in his vermillion eyes as he lunged for you, arms tying themselves around your ankles. "No!" he cried, burying his beak into your shins. "Don't do this to me! I won't let you go!"

You glared down at him with nothing but pure hatred as you easily broke free of him, his arms weak from distress and lack of sleep. "You will never tell me what I can and cannot do again." you seethed, pressing a foot to his shoulder, kicking him back onto his bottom. A crack of lightning flashed behind you as you floated just beyond the railing, watching him crawl back to you, reaching out for you. "No, don't come back!"

"You want me to leave so badly?" You asked rhetorically.

"D-Don't!" He swore, reaching for you through the bars of the railing.

As if to spite him, you clenched your jaw, releasing whatever part of your new powers that made you hover, causing you to plummet stories to the ground. "N-No!" A blood-curdling scream ripped from his throat as he climbed to his feet, peering over the rail, only to see you safe and sound, sauntering away, still blazing.

Tokoyami sat back down, holding his chest as if his heart would burst out of it. He truly couldn't handle the scare you'd given him as he hyperventilated, trying so hard to calm his oncoming panic attack. He had half a mind to leave your sorry ass alone in the streets after the stunt you'd just pulled but that all faded away when he felt something tap his shoulder.

Looking up, he found droplets falling from the sky, the frequency of which went from zero to sixty almost instantly. It was raining, and you were on fire. He had to go out and find you, he thought.

He didn't need to ponder the decision too long, however, as your screams filled the night air like an alarm clock tearing through a good dream.

#mha #mha angst #mha x reader #tokoyamifumikage #fumikage tokoyami #tokoyami x reader #tokoyami x reader angst #tokoyami fumikage #mha x reader angst #bnha angst

[cerise-on-top]

Hello love! Hope you are well!

So I’ve had this cute idea for a while with AleRudy poly! Where Alejandro and their s/o spoil Rudy for a day, like make him dinner,, whatever you think lolz and then end it by both Ale and s/o spooning him?? I think it would be adorable!!

Hey there! I don't think I made this as fluffy as I could have, and for that I am truly sorry! But I tried!

Spoiling Rodolfo

I feel like he’d be surprised at first. Don’t get me wrong, he doesn’t doubt the love you and Alejandro have for him one bit, but he never would have thought you’d go out of your way to spoil him this much. First you bring him breakfast in bed, essentially waking him with a kiss to each side. It was all there, French toast, eggs, orange juice. He didn’t have to lift a finger. Naturally, as he got out of bed, he’d try to make it up to you by cleaning up after himself, only for you and Alejandro to stop him from doing so, forcing him back onto the bed once again. Rodolfo would grow suspicious. Did he miss an important date? Did the both of you miss an important date? It wasn’t like it was his birthday either, but he couldn’t for the life of him remember something that you did where you had to make it up to him either. For the time being, he’d simply accept his fate. Eventually, he would get up to check up on you. And then there was the barrage of gifts. They were lovely, naturally, but what did he do to deserve them? Again, he would grow even more suspicious. From the beautiful flowers to the small stickers you stuck on him, he wouldn’t know what to do. However, he wouldn’t say something immediately. Maybe he can think of why you’re being especially nice to him himself. Were you about to get into a lot of trouble? Were you just trying to get on his good side?

Of course, Alejandro made the suggestion of going out together, spending the time outside to do whatever it is he wanted. And then came the idea of having a picnic, since it was nice and warm outside. As you went to pay for all the items, with Rodolfo already taking out his wallet, you almost tackled him to get him to put it away. Alejandro paid, even though he shouldn’t have. You were three people, and with the amount of snacks you bought it didn’t come cheap either. From a massage to a heartfelt poem from you, it all started to seem like a little too much. Again, Rodolfo doesn’t doubt the love you feel for him, but it seems a bit off. However, you wouldn’t give him a satisfying answer either when asked about it. Were you going to break up with him after all this time? Making your last day together as beautiful as possible so he had something to cry over? He hoped not, but it didn’t seem impossible with how nice you were being towards him. A kiss to the cheek, you even gave him a plushie of a small cat, claiming its silliness reminded you of him. Why on Earth would you do all of this? Why go to these lengths?

Even around dinnertime, when you wouldn’t let him help out, he almost felt a bit sad. Sure, it was nice to not have to lift a single finger for a day, but why? He loved helping out, you both knew that. He was very much an active man at home, doing what he could to keep everything clean and in order. He didn’t mind cooking for you either, pouring his heart and soul into every meal for you. Rodolfo adored doing something for you, so he wasn’t used to being on the receiving end of it all. The meal was delicious, but he felt almost sad as he was unable to help you out at least even a little bit. You watched his favorite movie with him, you took pictures of him with his silly cat plushie, hell, you would have likely spoon fed him as well on that day. He couldn’t shake the feeling that something was wrong. What have the both of you been up to? He would ask you again regarding it all when you were spooning him, trapping him on either side. It would take the most embarrassing nicknames that you only use on him to calm his nerves. Something along the lines of “Hush, Rudy-Poody, can’t we show our love and appreciation for you for once? You always make us feel good, so it was time to return the favor.” and “Mi esposo, you need to have more trust in us. Sometimes we just wanna see you smile as well. Cheer up, we just wanted to spoil just once in this life.”

He’d sort of cringe at the nickname you gave him, but it was the reassurance he needed since you only ever used it when you were being especially sappy. You didn’t get in trouble again, you were simply a bunch of lovesick fools. He’d give you a kiss on the nose and a smile. However, he would also try to turn around as Alejandro was spooning him, only for the colonel to not budge in the slightest, saying that Rodolfo shouldn’t be tossing and turning like this. No kissy for Alejandro it seemed. Rodolfo was this close to just wrestling him down for that kissy. Although he can’t really get used to the feeling of being spoiled, he will accept it for just that day. He will pay the both of you back in his style, though. You will also be spoiled. He couldn’t wait to team up with one of you to spoil the third one. All three of you will have had a day like this at some point.

#cod #cod x reader #alerudy #alerudy x reader #alejandro vargas #alejandro vargas x reader #rodolfo parra #rodolfo parra x reader #Y'all have no idea just how tired I am I had a long day today but I had some time to write for the first time in like a week #don't worry I didn't forget about the fluff alphabet requests but I don't have a lot of time to write anymore #I still have to study for my driver's license so I'm left with barely any time at all for myself #sorry if this has mistakes again I am super tired today but I wanted to write something again #I will be working on a few letters for the alphabet for Nikolai today so I should be able to post it within the next few days #I have the test again this Friday and I am so worried about not passing again. but I will be trying my best again as well #I wanna take a nap so bad but there's like a million things I should be doing right now and I have no time for any of them #so yeah it'll be a while before I'm properly back with writing. sorry about that but I can't help it life is hard #work and being in a new environment isn't helping either. I will be back in my regular environment next month but I still wanna go back #again sorry this isn't too fluffy but I really didn't feel the fluff at all tonight. I tried

[astrxealis]

hi guys please wish me luck for my college entrance exam tomorrow for one of my dream schools xoxo

#⋯ ꒰ა starry thoughts ໒꒱ *·˚ #LET'S GOOO MGA PAREH 💙🦅💙🦅💙🦅💙🦅 #i'm so chill for some reason even if ik i will never forgive myself if i don't get in. anyway. manifesting!!! i will pass with flying colors #IT'S REAL DAMN STRESSFUL FOR ME bcs i am aiming for honors courses which means i have to be top 15%... i am top 15% (and higher) in my batch #in school anyway but... urgh... #so. yeah. give me all your best wishes thankyousomuchxoxo AHHEHEHWHSHFJAH sobbing (but fr. if you do. i really appreciate it!!) #i believe in myself :] mostly. the time limit scares me and math and abstract reasoning bcs 5 minutes for 30 items but yeah. okay. #i am Smart ..... bro i literally got perfect on my physics exam and got 100 in statistics (i am really proud of these in particular) #my extracurriculars are good !! all my math scores are insane (cue a math nerd) and science (science nerd) english (god. no explanation #needed) honestly every subject is slay and so is my essay-making but ERGH. honors course... top 15%... #i will try to be chill! honestly i am already lol the nerves aren't getting to me somehow. gl to me and all that i know and do not know. #both here and irl :3 also to fellow ph kids (who are most likely younger than me if they aren't older and yk not worrying abt cets anymore #LMFAO) err idk if . okay idk what i was going to say LMFAO anyway i'm busy af and idk if i'm good with teaching others #but if you ever want any tips from me (honestly i don't really have tips. i do what i do and just make it. but there's a lot involved there) #feel free to come to me for anything ^_^ anything at all tbh. doesn't have to be acads idk i like helping others in general. BUT IT DEPENDS. #but yeah just hmu whatever i will have you know i am genuinely a smart & responsible kid and i am proud of that bcs my family is amazing w #smarts but also the Hard Work is there so :3 !! english is my forte science is my forte math is my forte. also socsci and whatever tbh. #i'm probably insane but i genuinely love all those topics and what we learn in school FISHFK so yeah !!! okay i shut up now #will do my best... zzz... and then i will work on myself. to be better than i already am and even better than i could possibly be. ya. fun! #the mga pareh is a joke btw i like imitating filipino kids like that. like yooo mga pareh let's goooooo wahee!!!!!

[elliesbelle]

lol

#humungous trigger warning for the tags in the post #but i just need to vent somewhere and i don't want people irl to be in my business about this #or to get too worried and all... #tw: mentions of death and weapons and mental illness and suicide and sh-ing and abuse etc. #please feel free to ignore like i said i just need somewhere to vent #anyway i'm just so sick of being alive fr i've been so massively suicidal this past week and i'm so tired #having bpd AND bipolar AND depression AND ptsd and etc.... #it really hurts so much #and my personal life is in fucking shambles like i just don't know what to do anymore #i feel so fucking alone all the goddamn time #so many friends don't give a fuck about anymore like they straight up just don't check up on me or anything #and my ex... i just. why can't you be more fucking understanding of what i'm fucking going through because of you #how the fuck did you turn my months-long depressive episode into me not caring about you cause i couldn't open about what i was going thru #i get you were fucking lonely but i was trying not to fucking die i was over here being talked off ledges #and then sending me a voice memo saying that you were lonely and trying to make an effort but i just didn't care about any of it #it's not fucking about you!!!! i didn't even let my own girlfriend or best friend in!!!! that's what fucking mental illness is!!!!!! #you promised that you'd be more understanding about my mental illnesses when we started talking again #what the fuck is this then? #why am i breaking down every time that you ignore me or take forever to text #like... she's gone back to calling me by my name instead of calling me 'baby' like she always has #she hasn't called me by my name since we first started talking it's been literally fucking years #and not saying i love you to me anymore... #and how can you fucking promise to stay in my life and still be my 'friend' and then fucking ignore me and don't answer my text messages #how the fuck am i supposed to feel that you haven't responded to me in over 24 hours but you react to days old ig messages from me #i fucking hate having borderline for fucking real i hate that she's my fp it hurts so fucking much #i feel like a fucking child i can't deal with this #i literally woke up from my sleep at like 3 or 4 am this morning nearly screaming #and then my gf found me on the living room couch crying and cuts all over my arm and a kitchen knife next to me #my left arm has been stinging all day from the fresh wounds #too painful to bandage them at the moment

[anirudhpisharody]

.

#alright these tags are super embarrassing but i needed to rant publicly so uh. you can read this but please don't perceive me too much #it is so fucking exhausting having nobody to share my life with #i have literally zero friends at this point bc ever since my grandpa died i've pretty much stopped trying to keep in touch with my hometown #friends and i cut off my 'friend' group that were racist assholes who treated me like a doormat back in october and haven't really made any #close friends at college since. and i just fucking hate that this is the same way i've felt for so many fucking years like you'd think it #would be bearable at this point and i'd be used to being alone and for a while i honestly was but it just hit me tonight how fucking lonely #i am and how tomorrow i have to keep on just doing the shit i have to do in life without anyone to talk to and share it with #other than my mom who's been pissing me off lately so i've been pushing her away too! #it's so tiring to have to go out and do things and have responsibilities everyday and not being able to share that with anyone idk it makes #it feel almost like i'm carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders which is SO dramatic i know #like today i wanted to talk about the stupid false alarm gas leak thing with my sort of friends in this club i'm in but i didn't get to talk #to anyone at the meeting bc everyone was just talking amongst themselves in their little groups of best friends and it just reminded me that #i don't have that and i've never fucking had that i've only ever pretended i had that #it's like all these years i've been pretending to be a person that has friends and knows how to live life normally but i never have #more than anything i just miss my friends from home bc they're the closest i've ever felt to having friends that are like family but. i #don't know how to talk to them anymore. i didn't tell any of them when my grandpa died and i think they just assumed that i've moved on so #they've probably moved on and i already know that they have their own lives and friends at their schools that are a lot more full than mine #wanna know the worst part about all of this? i just had therapy and basically told her everything's fine #and i won't meet with her again until 3 weeks from now so literally the only person i can talk to about this right now is my mom #which i am absolutely not gonna do bc she's gonna get so scared and worried for me and i can't have that rn #anyways yeah. this isn't even that big of a deal like i haven't had friends for at least the past 6 months it's not like anything's changed #i just feel extra sad about it right now. i need a distraction stat gonna go watch watch some tv goodnight #shut up hanna

[lakemichigans]

got way more drunk than i meant to 😐 how is it possible to be 24 and still not know my limits

#iy just changes so much depending on how much you ate or slept the night before #and i've been too chicken shit to tell my friends i want to get sober #i'm just so scared #i don't want them to treat me different or stop inviting me to things #i can handle alcohol being around me i just dont want to drink it anymore #but im scared because my best friend in the whole world is also going through the same thign #*thing #but i don't think she's at the same place as i am #and i'm so scared she'll choose alcohol over me. because i fucking get it. i really do #and i'm just terrified #sorry i'm ranting #god i don't even have fun getting drunk anymore i just get so fucking sad #i wish i could be normal i wish my best friend could be normal i wish we could all drink on special occasions and not a day more #i wish so badly that we didn't have to worry about our drinking being a problem #i just wish we could have fun and not think about anything else #SORRY i'm still ranting

[outeremissary]

Fandom reputation: Number one Tristian fan, kingmaker enthusiast with highly interesting thoughts, creator of beautiful little artworks and always so much fun to talk to.

Haha, thank you. Though I think I have been too late on the scene and too antisocial to be number one anything, truly... There are a lot of people out there who have been creating in the fandom much longer than I and have brought really impressive things into being. For reasons that elude me, some even follow me- a great and terrible honor indeed.

I am always happy to hear that the art and the company are fun :) As much as I grow, I know I'm still unskilled in both creative and social spheres, haha. It's high praise from someone as skilled as you. I'm amazed by what you can create and how rapidly you've grown.

#I am the Kingmaker philosopher with this reputation for thinking. #though I hope one day it translates into more than vaguely discussed thoughts... #I suppose at risk of being too sincere there is something truly frightening about putting things out there #when I started the Kingmaker blog I really didn't think there could be anyone on Tumblr who cared about the game #I'm very anxious and have a bad habit of comparing myself to others #I never really participated in online fandom before because the incredible abilities of others scared me- I had little to offer #the idea of quietly running a blog that no one saw appealed from me even if there was a fantasy of being famous and praised #like no competition would mean no stress. #but the truth is that there were a lot of people there already who created things I couldn't dream of coming close to #mature and skilled art. long and carefully crafted pieces of writing. #when I became aware of that I got scared. #it made it hard to be proud of what I was doing #so I went to Twitter where I had no audience and I thought no way of being discovered #and then there were people there too. #there have been times I've been so intimidated by others I've really thought about giving up completely #I can't grow or create fast enough to feel like I'm keeping pace #but I guess I want to take a cue from Balthazar and live more selfishly. #I don't really want to be the best anymore and I don't want to worry about what I ought to be doing #or to have a purpose for things or follow some process to a conventional goal #I just want to do what I enjoy without worrying about other people #or thinking I take up too much space #it's hard though right #anyway. no real concluding thought here #sorry to throw down such atrocious tags here on a post already fishing for compliments haha #turns out I actually don't know what to do with compliments when I get them. #ask me emithing #long post #dmagedgoods

[elytrafemme]

call the hairdresser and call the mediator because the way i'm splitting to the fucking ends right now

#babes i'm so sorry about it i'm SO sorry about it but i don't think we can blame this one on the period craziness anymore #i've not even been that mentally ill lately but my friend said we like can't hang out before he goes back to school #AND my sister doesn't want to hang out tn and i'm genuinely like? i'm going to break my fucking phone #like okay i'll just kill myself. whatever. i'm becoming super fucking toxic it's really bad #obviously i don't say this shit this is internal i'm not gonna push for anything that's super fucked #but like. ohhhh my God the rage i'm feeling right now. i need to kill someone #literally why am i like this. no explanation no anything i'm just like this? who fucked me over though like what happened #what's my tragic backstory i've got nothing i'm literally just crazy #he's not even answering my fucking texts anymore like tell me to die. pussy. do it. do it! fuck w me right now #and i was so nice i literally was like. hey no worries how's your summer been what's been going on! #i'm watching more youtube within the last 10 minutes of checking my phone i've almost thrown up and thrown it twice #do you think people try to fuck me over. do you think that's a thing. like they're testing me #if you showed me some of my old online friends right now the way i would rip them into pieces #my girlfriend's been pissed lately too like it's my two best friends riding for me and nobody else #oh he replied fucking great. shooting myself in the head i'm so manic pixie for this i'm so fixing him right now #i'm not he's got a girlfriend. but like. whatever. could've been me & i think about that when i'm mad #i do not like him but me and her are literally the exact same she's just prettier and smarter and i'm more of a good person #not right now though. i need to loop someone gets hurt from mean girls until i'm fucking normal #neg #vent #suicide tw

[salsflore]

#going back to school tmrw and i obviously have Feelings™️ abt that #warning this is a vent? post? idk not really cuz i'm not sad nor do i need comfort and theres nothing for me to really vent about but #well! i suppose you can just call it a way for me to talk about my feelings a little. but the way i am right now? i'm actually fine so if #anyone reads this then don't worry! ya know but. anyways this morning i woke up and overheard something i shouldntve #and for a moment (and what feels like the veryyy first time in my life) i considered if it was worth it to kms LOL a bit overdramatic right #to clarify i WOULD NEVER. i do not want to die but just! very briefly‚ i thought it’d be better if i did #(only for that short short short moment) did i consider if it was truly the best thing to do. like there was a possibility i really would #but i know i would never actually #and now i just wonder what i should do! i guess. like where do i go from here? what am i supposed to do to cope? #how do i get better? very obviously i don’t wanna get stuck in the same sad loop of self pity or anything! #so when therapy isn’t an option‚ and school (an unavoidable) seems to be 85% of the problem‚ what CAN i do if not just tolerate it? #what option is there for me? reach out to my friends? i feel like talking it out doesn’t do anything for me anymore #my calendar is littered with small events and reminders just so i can get by. when does it get better? where do i go from here because it #very much feels like i'm going to be stuck in this cycle forever. i know theres good intentions but i am Very tired of hearing #people say they're there for me and articles telling me to go outside and touch the flowers i! #i don't know what to do with myself anymore. i think i'm going to have to live with this feeling forever actually #but i really do want to get better. i suppose i just don’t know how #⠀mika’s chatroom !⠀

[yuichiroswife]

{ I don’t wanna make a post like this. In fact, I’ve never wanted to make a post like this, but I have to...

I’m not gonna be actively here for... whoever knows how long and if I am, it’ll only be for certain things when I’m actually up for it. My family is pretty sure my little sister’s dog, Morgan, has breast cancer and she’s dying from it. We have tried countless times to take her to countless vets, all to no avail because the vets absolutely refuse to even take her in to look at her. They believe she’s vicious just because she’s a larger dog despite the fact she’s so very happy and lovable just like my dog, Shelby, was even on her death bed. Nobody wants to give Morgan a chance and I just can’t handle losing another dog like this when it’s only been a few years since we lost Shelby.

I’m literally in tears as I type this. I feel like everything that I do or try to do is pointless to be honest because every time I start to feel better, something comes and knocks me back down. Nothing ever goes right in this family and it really does show.

So with all that said, I just wanna say sorry for being such a flaky partner these past few years. I’ve really been trying my best, but nothing is working. }

#{ It's times like this where I just want to vanish forever. } #{ Maybe things would be better if I wasn't such a screw-up in school? } #{ I'd have gotten my degree in veterinary medicine. } #{ And I would be able to take care of both Shelby and Morgan. } #{ I wouldn't have to rely on others. } #{ Because relying on others has never helped me in the past so why would it now? } #{ I should have just stuck to myself and focused on being the best in school instead of wanting to make friends with everyone. } #{ At least then both our dogs would still be here and happy. } #{ It's only a matter of time until Morgan goes. } #{ And even then I don't think a vet will take her so we can put her down. } #{ So I don't know what to expect anymore. } #{ I could have fixed them and helped them if I'd had done what I was supposed to. } #{ And maybe this doesn't seem like a big deal to you all because they're just 'pets'. } #{ But my pets are literally everything to me. } #{ They were my friends when no one else was. } #{ They're literally all I have. } #{ People don't like me offline. They think I'm weird and prefer to use me as some sort of lackey. } #{ But as always... I'm fucking useless. } #{ So if you all see me on here talking about shit or seeming like I'm okay... I'm not. It's just a front to not make so many- } #{ people worry about me. I'm just trying to cover up the fact I can't control how I'm really feeling. } #tw; breast cancer #tw; dogs #tw; dog death mention #tw; death #✠ [ ' ʙʟᴏᴡɪɴɢ ᴏғғ sᴛᴇᴀᴍ. ' ] - ✡ ʀᴀɴᴛɪɴɢ/ᴠᴇɴᴛɪɴɢ ✡ #✠ [ ' ᴛʜᴇ ᴏɴᴇ ᴡʜᴏ ʟᴇᴀᴅs ʙᴇʜɪɴᴅ ᴄʟᴏsᴇᴅ ᴅᴏᴏʀs. ' ] - ✡ ᴏᴜᴛ ᴏғ ᴄʜᴀʀᴀᴄᴛᴇʀ ✡

[teaboot]

On of the less intuitive things about love, I've found, of any kind, is the importance of needing things.

I didn't realize it until recently, but I've always seen love as something requiring sacrifice, selflessness, patience, and generosity- to ask for nothing is to be the best person I can be, small and quiet and never in the way, always happy and helpful, self-sufficient and present when desired.

It's only as an adult, now, that I'm beginning to see the selfishness of wanting nothing.

I cut my friend's hair in my kitchen the other day. They wanted a trim and I had the skills, so I offered, and was genuinely excited when they stopped hesitating over "bothering me" and took me up on it. It was a peaceful afternoon, and we had tea and chatted for an hour or more.

My brother and I shared popcorn at the movies a while ago. When I came time to pay, I pulled my card out like a wild western sheriff and slapped it on the machine before he could fight me for it first. The satisfaction was delightful.

Someone called me crying on the phone the other day. Kept apologizing for disturbing me at work, talking about how they were bothering me on my lunch break. I was telling the truth when I told them that really, I was flattered and honored and relieved, knowing that if they were hurting I would know, that I didn't have to worry in silence. It felt good to hear them slowly come down, and to know that they knew it would be better soon, and to hear them laugh wetly on the other end. We're getting together for a visit next week.

It's hard to need things, if you've trained yourself not to. It's hard to want things, when you don't know how to want anymore. Trusting people is difficult, and so is relying on them, but I don't know where I'd be without the people who rely on me.

I've heard a lot of people say, "Nobody will love you unless you love yourself". I've had a lot of thoughts about it. It's not right, but it's not wrong, either, I think.

"Nobody will love you unless you love yourself"... I've always taken that to mean, "You will not be lovable until you develop a positive view of yourself as a person".

Now, I think it's sort of inside-out.

"Nobody will love you unless you love yourself"... because nobody can show their love to you in a way that you can accept until you treat yourself kindly, and learn what you need, and what you want, and how to ask for it, and then give that vulnerability away.

Love, for me, is someone I ask for a ride to the airport. Whether they end up doing this or not is irrelevant.

It's not needy, or selfish, or taking up energy. It's giving the gift of being wanted, and needed, and thought of. It's giving someone the security of being part of someone's life.

#Ramble #Sorry I just took my sleeping pills lol #Seepy

[gibbearish]

Congrats on sending that application!

THANK UUUUUU

#it was to a dominos and my partner is a gm in training at a different branch and i have over a year delivery driving experience #already and know Exactly How Low Their Standards Are so im not worried about getting it‚ mostly just that my brain will still be too mushy #to handle a job again #but i mean since it is just dominos and im only aiming for part time it hopefully shouldn't be too bad #and i do not care if they don't like me bc my resumes already pretty good as is i don't need a glowing review from dominos #esp bc i could just put my bf down as a dominos reference and theyd probably just Assume i worked for him and call him #instead of the store i actually worked at KWNDLABFKSBFJD #which is v good bc having seen a lot of what goes on behind the scenes on the manager side via my bf. i already know i am #going to cause problems LMAO #i have the Transgender Working In Very Liberal Area Right Next To Very Conservative Area Protection Aura #wherein the bosses here are So Very Scared of getting in trouble for bigotry and want to look sososososo woke. that i can get away #with being way more blunt abt when shit sucks lol #bosses don't really know what to do when The One Openly Transgender One directly calls out unfair expectations to their face #and to be clear i do mean liberal as in Liberal we're still very much in the North Idaho Splash Zone so like #open bigotry doesnt happen and the public will be on your side if it does. but boy do they know actually nothing about it #you know the type i mean kwbfksbfkd #like the best example i can think of is a couple ppl at my last job still she/her'd me long after i started passing as male #and me Being A Transgender™ had made the news rounds #and my other coworkers wouldnt correct them and would just he/him and they/them me back #which im fine w bc thats how my pronouns work is just. idk whatever you think‚ if you wanna she me you can just look dumb LMAO #but crucially 99% of my coworkers Didnt know thats how that worked‚ they just knew im A Transgender and look like a man #and that everyone else didn't use she/her for me anymore‚ so like an actually left place would rightly assume #they were doing it deliberately to be shitty and correct them‚ whereas here theyre just like. ah im sure they just havent noticed #since you went by she/her when you started here #and its like no i dont think the beard i grew halfway through working there went unnoticed actually #given that Thats When The Universal He Himming Started #im rambling again sorry for this word avalanche irt a simple congrats i got distracted JEBFKABFKSBFKDBFMD #anyways. tyvm it was stressful and i still dont want to do it but its out of my hands now so i have to follow through and at least give it #a try and i appreciate the encouragement‚ it rlly did make me feel a lot better just seeing the ask #gibberasks

[mochinomnoms]

Please share the lewd interspecies romance.

Okay so mostly I have thoughts over the Octavinelle trio, especially the twins 🫣 but i wrote a lil something for most of them! also this was not meant to be so long idk what happened

[tags] - nsfw, AFAB-implied reader, but written gender-neutral, mentions of ruts/heats, breeding, etc

nsfw under read-more, minors DNI!

If you really compare humans to the nonhuman population of Twisted Wonderland, there's are some small physiological differences between species. Fae, surprisingly, don't differ from humans all too much. Land dwellers in general don't have anything too significant, though all of nonhuman species retain aspects of their animal counterparts.

Most of Savanaclaw goes through some sort of rut/heat during various times in the year, primarily early spring and summer. There's no logical reason for them to retain that aspect of their mating cycle anymore, not for a sentient species that have skills of logic and reasoning. Unfortunately, they didn't get to choose how their evolution worked, and so they have to deal with it in anyway they can.

They get a lot more irritable, they have throbbing headaches, their abdomen hurts, and the scent of their mate is a lot more enticing than normal. Jack probably has it the worst of them, as a wolf beastmen. Not only does he have to deal with a fever-inducing rut that will put him out of commission for a week, afterwards he has to deal with the a/b/o jokes from his classmates too, oh the horror. It is really a horror though when he's able to bend you over his bed, bite marks aligned your neck and back as his dick pounds into you till his knot swells and locks you in for at least an hour. Jack's incredibly embarrassed afterwards, though he manages to be incredibly sweet even after rearranging your guts. Wolf beastmen are one of the most affectionate partners to have with a reputation providing some of the best aftercare for their species. It's most likely to make up for their week-long copulation, stretching and tiring out their sweet little mates. Ooooh, but they'll so very sweet: cleaning up the sticky mess of fluids between your legs with their tongue, careful to not overstimulate you (unless you ask), tending to the mating mark they placed on the back of your neck with soft kisses and licks, and making sure to prop your lower half up to that your chances of taking their seed increases.

Lacking the annual rut/heat that other variants of beastmen have, lion and hyena beastmen are more similar is this regard, as they don't have the same issue of long copulations as wolf beastmen. Neither will initiate sex, rather they'll rely on their mates to do so. Ruggie, in particular, is rather reluctant initiating sex, as male hyenas are typically more submissive, so if you're shy you'll have to get over it. But once you do, Ruggie is ever so happy to service you if you're happy to give him praise. Run your hands through his hair and ears as he eats you out, he'll let out the cutest whimpers and groans as you do. Just, expect to be jellyboned by the time he's done with you, as a hyena he needs to make sure his mate won't snip back at him and you can't exactly do that if your fucked out. While he may not have the same stamina as Jack for week-long fuck session, he has a particularly short refractory period and can have several short sessions in a single night.

Leona also won't typically initiate sex on his own, it happens very sporadically, and he his the image of the lazy lion. While he never wants to do anything particularly extraneous, who is he to deny you needs? You'll have to do some preparing though, as while the barbs on his dick aren't as bad as they are in his animal variant, they will hurt if you're not wet and pliable enough. Be sure to sit on his face, don't worry you won't suffocate him and it's better you cum a few times first before taking him. Unless you want it to hurt? Once you've cum enough times, you can ride him to your heart's content. He only asks that you don't mention how he rubs his head into the crook of your neck, marking you so that if everyone couldn't tell by the sounds coming from his room, they'd know you're his from his scent. Lions are quite protective with their territory and pride after all.

Merfolk have the most extreme physiological differences between them and...any land dweller really. It comes with the territory of being suited for a completely different environment. They also behave a lot more similarly to their animal counterparts, which can be both delicious and exhausting for their humans.

Moray eels don't have a set time of the year they mate, but rather the water must be warm and plenty of food must be ready to provide to their mate. When the spring time weather above the sea starts transitioning from crisp to blazing, don't be too surprised when the twins start handfeeding you meals and snacks throughout the week, they want to make sure you're happy and full for them, getting you in the mood with a sweet, dizzying underwater dance to initiate until they get the okay from you. What's that 'okay' though? You know that yawning I mentioned before? You'll get your answer from them now, as they take your open mouth yawn as an invitation rather than a sign of tiredness. Floyd, in particular, is ready to drag you into the deep part of the pool before remembering that you need to breathe somehow. Not a problem. He'll keep your pretty head above water. You'll still have trouble breathing as his long tapered tongue worms his way in your mouth. No matter, you'll be gasping for breath as he bullies this cock into your hole, large enough that you can physically feel the bump on your stomach. Morays are awfully fond of wrapping themselves around their mates, seeing as Floyd will do his best to tangle his tail around your body and squeezing you as you squeeze down his dick. He loves the physical contact between you two, and is amused how your nails try to dig into his shoulders seeing as the mucus on his skin makes it near impossible to have a steady grasp. You're completely dependent on Floyd as you drool and cry out for relief from the overstimulation, which is oh so ever exciting.

Jade is equally as cruel when it comes to mating. Unlike the others, merfolk tend to mate with the intention to, well, mate. He prefers you to be soft and pliant for him, as well as wholly depending as you two fuck. So, he'll happily brew you a water-breathing potion so he can actually drag you into the deep, where he found a secluded, warm grotto that will allow him to keep you to himself for hours, but close enough to the surface that he can continuously grab you food to eat between sessions. Not that those sessions will be short either. Like his brother, Jade is content to wrap himself around your body as he cooed honeyed words into your ears about how you'll make a wet, warm, soft hole for breeding. It's not like he'll have to do much either, his dick is prehensile and he can wrap himself around you, swiping kisses and nuzzling into the crook of your very sensitive neck while his thick cock continuously pounds into you with a bruising pace. He's so mean!! He likes seeing you cry from overstimulation too, and Jade will continuously scoot down to clean you up with his tongue, only to claim that too much of his seed was gone and he needed to fill you up again for another few hours. He's truly quite incorrigible, especially when he bites into your neck and shoulders to make his claim on you. Don't worry, most morays' bites aren't venomous, and even if they are, you have him to care for you. You're going to be depending on him in the water anyway, so there's no need to worry about it too much.

Something that neither probably won't mention, probably because they won't realize it's something you should know, is that they can change their sex under the right conditions. If you're ever so inclined in the future to test the waters out, the twins might be so generous to let you eat them out instead.

Of the trio, Azul's the only one with an established mating season, two actually: one in the late spring and the other in the early fall. Respectively, one during finals and the other during orientation. He's already so incredibly stressed, and he has the need to breed too? Downright atrocious. It's wonderful that you're so kind that he can take refuge in you and use you like a new octopot, so tell him how pretty he is and how much you love him and only him, so that you have the privilege fucking his merform. The moment you're entering the water, he'll unconsciously display mating signals by flashing soft lilacs and blues, a beautiful display of his need for you. He's rather large, even bigger than the twins, in his merform, so you'll need preparation as well; have no fear, his tentacles are wrapping and kneading the squishiest parts of you. I mentioned before that he can taste the salt on your skin and pulse through your wrist via his suckers. He can taste the slick from your walls, too, without even having to use his mouth as the suckers massage you from the inside. If you'd like, he technically could give you a full flavor profile afterward, though he'll probably be a bit mortified to do so. The biggest difference is his dick, or lack thereof. Instead of a dick, Azul has a hectocotylus, which is a modified, slightly shorter arm of his with a thicker spade-shaped tip that he can practically rearrange your guts with, with little effort on his part really. Most octo-mer variants will keep their mate at a distance, eons of instinct hard to forget. Azul's variant, though, will keep you close, almost dancing with you in a sweet, sensual twirl as he places sweet kissing and bites on your neck, arms, and chest. Octopi are, in fact, venomous, however, so you will be feeling a bit of a lustful high, paralyzed, and a bit helpless to the whims of a needy octopus. He's quite good at aftercare though, making sure you get an antidote and handfeeding you calorie-rich snacks to energize you back up (again, he's aware that you won't eat him, but instinct dictates that he keeps you full with both food and cum to make you a happy mate).

*collapses into heap on floor* thoughts....full.....ahahaha breeding kink go burrrrr. i was not meant to write this much and then it escaped me. also i hate tagging

#twst #twisted wonderland #!nsfw #!breeding kink #!abo dynamics #just slightly #twisted wonderland x reader #twst x reader #twst smut #jack howl x reader #jack howl smut #ruggie bucci x reader #ruggie bucchi smut #leona kingsholar x reader #leona kingscholar smut #floyd leech x reader #floyd leech smut #jade leech x reader #jade leech smut #azul ashengrotto x reader #azul ashengrotto smut

[taasgirl]

somethin' stupid - oscar piastri

summary: carlos sainz's sister, y/n, owns a bakery in barcelona, and during the spanish gp, she begins to see a certain face a little more

a/n: there is no face claim so imagine y/n as you wish!

liked by carlossainz55, landonorris, and 16, 287 others ynbakery Make sure you head into the bakery before the Grand Prix this weekend (don't worry, I will NOT be selling whatever Carlos is making)!

carlossainz55 Plenty of people will want the pancakes I made 😡

landonorris Don't worry Carlos I will try some ynbakery landnorris Get a room you two

carlossainz55 Best bakery in Spain!!

user52 aww carlos is so supportive

lilymhe barca weekend + y/n's pastries = heaven

ynbakery LILY I LOVE YOU

user91 i may not have tickets to the gp, but i do have 3 euros to spend on y/n's famous muffins

user67 I'm so ready for all the drivers to be at the bakery HAHA

liked by ynsainz, oscarpiastri, and 82, 932 others lilymhe the fia need to make barca the only circuit all year round purely because of y/n's pastries tagged: alexalbon, ynsainz, ynbakery

ynsainz you are welcome at my bakery whenever you wish

alex_albon If you haven't had that croissant, you haven't lived

georgerussell63 Real

user28 Y/N'S BAKERY!! PLEASE SOMEONE GET THE GRID IN THERE

user63 IF OSCAR WENT HE WOULD LITERALLY BECOME OSCAR PASTRY LMAOOO

user59 lily and alex are so cute i cant

liked by oscarpiastri, lilymhe, and 33, 209 others ynsainz slide 3 trigger warning tagged: carlossainz55

landonorris HAHAHA

carlossainz55 hermana...

ynsainz sorry king I had to do it

oscarpiastri Will the bakery be open all weekend?

ynsainz yes all days except for sunday!!

user74 y/n you are so beautiful

lilymhe Such a pretty girl 💜 liked by ynsainz

view oscarpiastri's story...

tagged: ynbakery

liked by ynsainz, charles_leclerc, and 3, 726, 198 others scuderiaferrari Raceday pancakes?

ynsainz SOMEONE STOP CARLOS FROM THIS PANCAKE BUSINESS I CANNOT DO IT ANYMORE

user87 i'm crying 😭😭

charles_leclerc I think we should leave the cooking to y/n

ynsainz I agree thank you

landonorris I've never seen someone look worse in an apron and chefs hat @ carlossainz55

user22 what is carlos' obssesion with pancakes...

user98 RACEDAY PANCAKES?? GET THEM IN THE FUCKING CAR

liked by oscarpiastri, charles_leclerc, and 44, 827 others ynsainz race day bitchesss 😎 #idratherbeatmybakery

oscarpiastri I'd rather be at your bakery too

lilymhe excuse me oscar but i was just abt to comment this

user55 y/n clutching up with the charlos pics

user60 sorry but umm oscar??

scuderiaferrari End of race pancakes?

ynsainz STOP NO. NO MORE FUCKING PANCAKES

liked by mclaren, landonorris, and 2, 198, 277 others oscarpiastri Barcelona recap ft. a non-edible y/n croissant

mclaren 🧡

ynsainz hope you enjoyed the gift!!

user87 Y/N GOT OSCAR A JELLYCAT

user52 wake up babe, oscar piastri is making moves on his enemy's sister

carlossainz55 ...

user98 IM SCREAMING

user53 official y/n bakery verdict?

oscarpiastri Really really delicious

liked by carlossainz55, charles_leclerc, and 11, 727 others ynbakery Aaaaaand we're back open! First twenty people in store receive a free muffin from our new range!

oscarpiastri Yummm

ynbakery oh hey pastry boy 🥐

landonorris Oh we'll be stopping by then

user61 we?

lilymhe breakfast, lunch, dinner, and my snack are now sorted for the day (please never close again)

ynbakery I think we need an honorary lily cookie...

view oscarpiastri's story...

tagged: ynbakery

liked by charles_leclerc, ynsainz, and 4, 982, 129 others carlossainz55 Proud to be back at home, we go again 👊

scuderiaferrari 🏎️💨 liked by carlossainz55

oscarpiastri Great race brother

user50 we really got oscar complimenting carlos before gta 6

landonorris Sexyyy

user81 Carlos Sainz the man that you are

user93 thoughts on y/n and oscar 😏

carlossainz55 No thoughts.

view ynsainz's story...

tagged: oscarpiastri

liked by landonorris, alex_albon, and 17, 823 others ynbakery For everyone asking if I can get Carlos to bake some things for the shop... NOOOOOO he only makes pancakes 😢

carlossainz55 They are good pancakes y/n

ynbakery yeah okay.

landonorris Don't let him anywhere near any machinery, you're whole place would be shut down

ynbakery HAHA carlossainz55 Says the man who won't eat fish

liked by lilymhe, ynsainz, and 2, 822, 376 others oscarpiastri My girlfriend is a baker so does that mean I should change my username to oscarpastry? tagged: ynsainz

ynsainz yes i think it does

oscarpiastri Good to know

user44 Y/N AND OSCAR MATCHING JELLYCATS??

carlossainz55 @ ynsainz Are you making pancakes without me

oscarpiastri Don't worry we followed your recipe 🤣 ynsainz oscarpiastri OSCAR DON'T EXPOSE ME

user92 GIRLFRIEND AHHHHHHH

landonorris I am praying for your well being now that carlos is technically your brother in law

oscarpiastri Thanks mate

please let me know if you liked this, i know it's been a while since i last posted! reqs are open!!

#oscar piastri #oscar piastri smau #oscar piastri fanfic #oscar piastri x you #oscar piastri imagine #oscar piastri fluff #oscar piastri x reader #op81 #op81 fluff #op81 x reader #op81 imagine #op81 fic #formula 1 x reader #formula one imagine #formula 1 fanfic #formula 1 imagine #formula 1 fic #formula 1 #formula 1 x female reader #formula 1 x y/n #formula 1 x you #mclaren #f1 x reader #f1 imagine #f1 fic #f1 fanfic #f1 #formula one x y/n #formula one x you #formula one x oc

[ao3commentoftheday]

any advice about how to deal with posting a fic and getting radio silence? I know ppl aren’t owed engagement ofc, but I feel embarrassed at having spent so long on something no one cares about, and although I liked thinking about the characters and fandom before (and was considering writing more about them), now I can’t think about it without feeling that overpowering embarrassment 😭 part of me wants to delete the fic, but that would mean having to open ao3 and look at it again LMAO

sorry for the venting, I know this is probably a me problem, but has anyone else felt this, and if so, is there any way to make this pervasive shame go away??

*hugs* This is a very painful thing to experience and there isn't really any way to make it just go away, unfortunately. However, you can reflect on it a bit, when you're ready to.

Writing and posting are separate activities. If you've enjoyed writing the story but you haven't enjoyed posting it to the Archive, you can always continue writing just for yourself. This may or may not be something you'd enjoy - you know better than I do whether some of your enjoyment came from the anticipation of a reaction to your work.

Try to analyze where your embarrassment is coming from. Is it worrying that your story was poorly written? A lack of a reaction doesn't mean that the story is bad. Being unpopular doesn't mean it's bad, either. If your story is good to you, then it's a good story.

Is your embarrassment from feeling like you were "caught trying." Is it a cringe at the idea that you put effort into something that someone else doesn't (appear to) find valuable?

Is it actually embarrassment at all? Are you feeling a different kind of hurt instead? Did you hope that someone in particular would read your story and now you feel ignored? Did you hope to be embraced by your community and now you feel shunned?

These are difficult questions that I'm asking and you might not want to think about them right now. That's okay. You don't need to if you don't want to. You can definitely delete the fic and pretend it never happened. Or you can log out of that AO3 account and create a new one and never look back. Maybe you just need to take a week or a month off for a hiatus of sorts and when the ache isn't as bad, you'll be able to face it all again.

When I felt this way, it was because I felt like I'd put something into my community and that I'd been ignored. But since that time, I've found one person who gives me all of the community support I used to get from an entire fandom, and now when I post something on AO3 I don't actually need a response anymore. I get all of the fun and excitement and validation etc from my conversations and RP threads with my best friend.

Once you've got a little distance from the pain of this moment, try to figure out what it is that you were hoping to get and then figure out how you can get it. Maybe it's through posting fic to AO3, but maybe it's not.

Let's see what others can suggest. This is not something you're experiencing alone, anon. So very many of your fellow fan writers have experienced this too ❤️

#asks and answers

[theosbaby]

helping hand

lorenzo berkshire x fem!reader

masterlist

summary; the guys find out that enzo is still a virgin and they keep bothering him about it, so he asks for your help.

warnings; friends to lovers, use of y/n (just once i think), loss of virginity, SMUT, virgin!lorenzo, sub!lorenzo, dom!reader, mutual masturbation, p in v, lots of praising, neck grabbing, hair pulling, slight orgasm denial, unprotected sex.

author's note; english isn't my first language, so you might find mistakes. yes, i have read filthy and i know lorenzo isn't innocent at all, but i wanted to portray him like that for this one, hope you like it!

lorenzo was your best friend, he had been since you both were a couple of tweens and met at the hogwarts express on your first year. you remembered that day as if it had been yesterday. he had bumped into you, which made you drop your chocolate frog to the ground, after that, he immediately apologized and bought you the whole honeydukes trolley as an apology; at that moment, you swore to yourself you would never let him go.

and seven years later, he was the most important person in your life.

as every friday night, lorenzo and you were having a sleepover in your dormroom. that night, pansy, your roommate, was out on a date with some dude and you had the room all to yourselves. you were lying in your bed, enzo next to you. a film was playing, but you were having trouble to focus on it since enzo kept moving; he looked uneasy, which was really rare to be honest, lorenzo was the calmest guy in the whole wizarding world.

you couldn't possibly imagine what was going on in that pretty head of his.

truth is, the week before, the rest of the guys had discovered that enzo was still a virgin and they had been teasing him about it nonstop since then, which had already started to seriously bother him. at first, maybe you could say it was funny, but after eight days of constant jokes, it was not funny anymore.

you sighed, finally deciding to ask him what was going through his mind.

"lorenzo," you called him, using his full name, which you rarely did, "is something wrong? you seem off today..."

enzo looked away, clearly trying to avoid your eyes, and you frowned; that was the confirmation you needed to know that something was not fine, he never averted your gaze like that.

"nothing, just... dealing with some stress." he answered, dodging the subject. when he saw your unpleased look, he added, "it's not a big deal, seriously. don't worry about it."

"cmon, enzo..." you said, reaching to cup his cheek and force him to look at you, "i know you like the palm of my hand and i know something's bothering you."

you smiled reassuringly at him, pausing the film to focus fully on the conversation, then you added, "you can tell me anything, you know that, right?"

enzo's cheeks blushed slightly, his eyes darting back and forth as he looked at you, clearly hesitating whether he should tell you or not.

"you wouldn't... you wouldn't think any less of me, would you?" he asked and you saw a hint of vulnerability in his light brown irises.

you frowned as you looked at him, caressing his cheek softly; his attitude was making you really worried.

"of course not, enzo... you're my best friend," you told him with a soft and sweet voice, trying to get him to open to you.

he nodded slowly, leaning into your touch; he found comfort in your presence, it had always been that way. taking a deep breath, enzo finally confessed.

"well... it's just that... the guys found out i'm still a virgin and they've been teasing me about it all week." as he talked, his voice was barely above a whisper.

"that's it?" you asked, chuckling as your worried expression visibly softened. "they're a bunch of idiots... just ignore them, enzo," you reassured him, your hand moving up to stroke his soft hair.

enzo managed to let out a small laugh, his expression softening at your comment too.

"yeah, i know..." he muttered, his eyes fixed in yours as he thought of his next words, "but it's hard not to let it get to me when they treat me like some sort of joke."

"don't say that, enzo..." you replicated, your brow furrowed as you heard his words. "there's nothing wrong with being a virgin."

he nodded, agreeing with you, while his eyes drifted back to the paused movie on the screen. despite your words, he still seemed a bit troubled. you were definitely going to beat the guys up the next time you saw them for making enzo feel so bad about something completely normal and natural.

"i know that... i can't help but feel self-conscious about it though," he said, then elaborated, "I mean, everyone else seems to be... well, you know."

"experienced?" you asked, finishing his sentence.

you grabbed his hand, entwining your fingers with his; you wanted to make him feel better. he looked down at your intertwined fingers and sighed softly.

"yeah... experienced." he nodded while he talked. "it's not like i haven't tried to lose my virginity or anything; it's just never been the right time or person, i guess."

you gave his hand a gentle squeeze when you heard his words, smiling at how sweet he was. enzo was simply the perfect guy, the perfect friend, and you were sure someday he'd be the perfect boyfriend.

"you'll get there eventually, trust me," you chuckled and rested your head on his shoulder. "just don't overthink it, okay?"

lorenzo smiled back, clearly more relaxed now that had confided in you. his fingers tightened slightly around yours as he rested his head on top of yours.

"i know, thanks for listening, darling."

"always, enzo." you kissed his cheek briefly. "and if they bother you again about it, just let me know, I'll gladly hit them," you added, laughing.

"you would do that for me?" he looked at you, his expressive eyes sparkling in the dim light of the room.

"i'd do anything for you," you answered honestly, smiling warmly at him.

it was the truest thing you had ever told him; there wasn't a single thing you wouldn't sacrifice for him. he was just worth it. your words seemed to awake something in him, you could almost see the gears in his head spinning as he stared at you intently.

"really? anything?" his voice deepened a bit, his eyes still locked onto yours. "can I ask you something then?"

"of course silly, anything," you replied, letting out a nervous laugh as his intense gaze made you feel butterflies in your belly.

"would you..." he swallowed nervously, taking a deep breath before continuing. "would you maybe... want to be my first?"

your breath hitched when you heard his proposal, your heart started racing in your chest. for a second, you thought that you could be dreaming, so you pinched yourself; the pain you felt confirmed that your were, in fact, not sleeping.

"enzo, are you sure about that?" you questioned, unsure if he was saying it seriously or not. "we've just talked about that, there's nothing wrong with being a virgin," you repeated.

"i know, darling." he bite his lower lip, looking down at the floor for a moment before meeting your eyes again. "but I can't stop thinking about it... and I'd really like it to be with you."

"really?" you gasped in surprise, nipping at your bottom lip to try and hide the smirk that tugged at the corners of your mouth.

you loved enzo; not the kind of love you feel for a brother, though, you were in love with him, and you had tried to convince yourself otherwise for a long time, because you thought your feelings weren't reciprocated, but now... he was in front of you, asking you to be his first, and you weren't sure if you'd be able to ignore your feelings anymore.

"you aren't just doing it out of social pressure?"

you wanted to make sure he was not feeling pressured to do it; you wanted him to do it only if he finally felt ready to take that step.

"no, i mean it," he said, blushing shyly. "i really want it to be with you, y/n. you're so beautiful, and kind, and smart. i've had a crush on you for years."

his admission made your heart skip a beat; you thought you were going to faint right there and then. your thoughts were all over the place, your mind racing as you looked at him, but there was just one thing that you knew for sure; you were dying to kiss him... so you did.

"then, i guess it can be arranged," you whispered, reaching to cup his face and pull him into a kiss, one that was very sweet at first.

enzo's eyes fluttered shut as he leaned into the kiss, his hands moving to rest on your hips. he gasped softly against your lips, his heart racing wildly. you took control of the kiss as you tangled your fingers in his hair and tug at it, slipping your tongue in his mouth; the innocent kiss soon turning into a full make out session.

his hands moved slowly but surely down to the small of your back, gently pressing against your lower back and pulling you even closer to him. you slightly moaned into the kiss, unable to get enough of the taste of his soft lips.

"you taste so good, enzo," you muttered between kisses, not pulling back at any moment.

your hand moved down his neck, gripping at it, which made enzo gasp softly, his fingers digging into your waist as his tongue became bolder in your mouth. he could feel himself getting hard, the rush of blood making him dizzy.

he was practically on top of you at that point, so you pushed him gently until he was sitting on the bed, back against the headboard and you straddled his lap, leaning in to resume the kissing. quickly, he wrapped his arms around you, pulling you as close a he possibly could. one of his hands moved to the hem of your shirt, pushing it upwards slowly; the gentle caress of his fingertips on your skin gave you goosebumps.

"you want me to take this off, baby?" you asked, breaking the kiss, as you started toying with the hem of your top.

lorenzo looked at you with hooded eyes, licking his lips slightly. "yes, please… take it off."

you smirked, grabbing the hem of your top and pulling it off your body. since you were not wearing a bra, you breasts were now completely exposed under his intense gaze. his eyes darkened as he saw your boobs for the first time; they were perfect, just like the rest of you.

"have you ever touched a girl, enzo?" you questioned, a sweet tone to your voice.

he swallowed hard, his hands aching to touch you, and answered, "no, I haven't."

"don't be shy, baby," you whispered with a smile, grabbing his hands to encourage him to cup your breasts, squeezing them lightly. "like this."

enzo stared at your face closely, his eyes filled with lust as he mimicked your action, his hands squeezing both your boobs gently. his thumbs brushed against your little nipples, causing them to harden instantly.

"you're beautiful," he breathed out, completely stunned at your beauty.

you gasped slightly, your cheeks flushing as a heat wave washed over your body; your panties growing wetter by the second. the way he touched you, as if he was worshipping your body, was a huge turn on.

"thank you, baby," you muttered, squirming in his lap.

enzo moaned softly as he felt your body grinding against his hard length. he kissed along your jawline and down your neck, nipping softly as he went. you let out a cute whimper, your eyes fluttering shut when you felt his tongue lapping at one of your hard nipples and you reached up to tangle your fingers in his soft hair, caressing it tenderly; he groaned against your skin as he began to suck at the hard nub gently.

his hand moved down between your legs and he slipped his fingers underneath the fabric of your shorts and panties; you felt his digits rubbing hesitantly over your pussy, as if he didn't know what to do with them next.

"enzo," you gasped at his action, tugging at his hair tenderly. "you have never done that before, right?" you chuckled as you you caressed his face.

lorenzo blushed slightly and shook his head slowly, still teasing your sensitive skin with his fingers. his eyes locked onto yours as he whispered back, "no... i haven't."

"let me show you how to do it properly, yeah?" you said with a sweet voice, grabbing his hand to pull it out of your panties.

then, you got off his lap, sitting next to him as you pushed your shorts and underwear down your legs, finally exposing your pussy. his breath hitched in his throat as he saw you completely bare for the first time. he reached out tentatively, tracing a finger along your upper thigh.

your hand moved down to cup your pussy, your fingers gently parting your slick folds to rub your swollen clit in circles, teaching him how you liked it; you couldn't help but gasp at the touch.

"just like this, see?" you asked, looking at him with glazed eyes.

enzo's eyes darkened as he watched you touch yourself; you looked so vulnerable and exposed, yet so sexy. when you withdrew your hand, he replaced your fingers with his, mirroring your movements as he started rubbing your clit in small circles.

"fuck yeah, like that..." you muttered, your breathing coming out in sharp pants as your hips bucked forward. "doing so good for me, enzo," you praised.

he groaned at your praise as he watched you writhing at his touch. his dick was rock hard in his pants and he wished more than anything that he could slide it into your tight pussy right away.

you reached next to you to push his sweatpants down his thighs, just enough to free his erection. he arched his back slightly to help you and his hard cock sprung free, standing tall against his flat stomach. you bit your lower lip, your mouth watering when you saw his dick; he was really big.

"can i touch you, baby?" you asked, your hand absent-mindedly tracing patterns over his abs.

enzo's breath hitched at your touch. his abs flexed slightly under your fingertips as he nodded eagerly. when he gave you his permission, you grabbed his length in your hand gently, pumping it slowly at first.

he groaned at your touch, leaning back against the headboard as you began to stroke his cock, his fingers still rubbing your soaked pussy. his eyes were half-closed as he watched you move your hand up and down.

"that feels so good, darling," he muttered.

you moaned in response when his digits picked up speed, pressing down your swollen clit and making you squirm in pleasure. your chest raised and fell quickly as you gasped for air.

he smirked as he felt your body respond to his touch, leaning forward to capture your lips in a passionate kiss that you returned instantly. his tongue slipped inside your mouth as his hand slid down your slit, searching for your entrance; he pushed two fingers inside of you, feeling your wetness coat his digits as he began to thrust them in and out.

you whined, involuntarily breaking the contact between your lips, and your face scrunched in pleasure. your hand moved faster as it stroke his cock, your thumb teasing his tip, that was leaking precum.

he groaned, his mouth finding your neck. his free hand slid up to cup your breast, massaging it gently as he continued to finger fuck you. he was already close to cumming, all the new sensations overwhelming him, but he wanted to make it last as long as possible.

"enzo, fuck," you cursed, your pussy tightening around his fingers when you felt the coil in your belly about to snap. "such a good boy... making me feel so good."

you gasped, your pumps becoming sloppier as you approached your orgasm. enzo's breath hitched at your praising words, hips bucking against your hand, unable to contain himself any longer.

"please, love... let me inside you," he begged between breathy moans, his fingers thrusting in and out of you harder.

"how do you want me, baby?" you asked in a whisper, your lips brushing his as you spoke.

enzo nipped at his lower lip, he didn't even have to think his answer. "i want you to ride me," he muttered as he looked into your eyes, his own glazed with lust.

you gasped when he withdrew his fingers from your pussy, a smirk tugging at your lips as you said, "whatever you want, baby."

you released his cock from your grasp to climb onto his lap. enzo's breath caught in his throat when you straddled him, the sight of your wet pussy just inches from his cock making him shudder with anticipation; he almost came on the spot. his hands found purchase on your hips, pulling you closer to him.

you grabbed his cock and placed the tip against your entrance, slowly lowering yourself onto it. you couldn't help but moan as you took his big cock inside you. once he was fully seated within your pussy, you stood still for a moment to get used to the new intrusion.

"how does that feel, my pretty boy?" you asked, leaning in to nuzzle his neck affectionately.

he groaned, his hands moving to cup your ass as he began to instinctively thrust up into you. it felt so perfect, so right, like every inch of him belonged inside you.

"it feels so good," he whispered in your ear, his breathing ragged.

"yeah... it does," you agreed, starting to ride him slowly at first; his cock reached all the right spots inside you so easily. "it's like your dick was fucking made for me, enzo," you moan, your breathing growing uneven.

he shuddered as he bucked up into you, his fingers digging into your ass so hard that you were sure he would leave bruises. you were so fucking tight, and he was so hard, the friction almost too much for him to handle.

you smirked as you saw him so helpless underneath your body while you rode him. you reached to tug at his hair, tilting his head back to suck at his neck, leaving some hickeys, which made him moan.

"you like being deep inside my tight pussy, enzo?" you teased him.

your boobs bounced as you jumped on his cock; that sight only adding to his pleasure. you placed your hands on his chest to support yourself, seeing his eyes roll back in his head as he felt you tighten around him; he thrust up into you, hitting that perfect spot again and again.

"yeah... so fucking much," he answered, panting heavily.

"such a naughty boy..." you cooed, a smug grin tugging at the corners of your lips. "but i love it."

you looked closely at him; he was completely flustered, cheeks flushed and hair sticking to his sweaty forehead.

"you look so fucking pretty underneath me, enzo," you complimented him

he groaned, sliding one hand down to rub against your clit roughly, the other one still holding onto your ass.

"don't stop, please." he breathed out, his hips lifting up to meet every downward thrust of yours.

"you close, pretty boy?" you asked him, watching his face attentively as he nodded in response. "you gonna be a good boy and hold it in for me, yeah?" you ordered with a soft voice.

he whimpered, biting his lip harshly. his cock throbbed inside you, aching for release, but his thumb did not stop rubbing circles on your clit; the sensation of his dick pounding into you together with the stimulation on your clit making you weak on the knees.

"yes... I'll be good for you."

"that's my boy," you praised him, struggling to keep up the pace while riding him since your legs had started shaking from the pleasure. "you gonna make me cum, baby." you breathed out, moaning loudly.

you hand had a conscience of its own and moved up to grasp at his neck, applying light pressure on it. enzo's eyes fluttered shut at the sensation, your grip limiting his air flow very slightly, but enough to make it pleasurable.

"oh fuck! i'm cumming," he moaned, gritting his teeth.

"hold it," you commanded, your voice harder that time. "you won't cum until i do."

he moaned in frustration, shaking his head as his hips jerked up into you. "please... i can't."

"just a minute, baby, i'm almost there," you promised, whimpering while your pussy started clenching around his cock as your orgasm built up.

you kept riding him until you finally fell over the edge, letting out a long string of soft moans and whimpers while your whole body shook. you leaned into his body, your hands gripping at his skin as pleasure washed over you.

"oh gods, enzo," you moaned, "you can cum now, baby."

as soon as you gave him permission, he came with a loud whimper, almost a cry, shooting his thick cum inside you in long spurts, your pussy milking his cock as both of your rode out your highs, holding onto each other tightly.

he panted, leaning his forehead against yours, his heartbeat slowing down as he tried to catch his breath.

"that was amazing."

"pretty good for a first time, huh?" you chuckled, out of breath too, while caressing his back and shoulders; your bodies were completely pressed together.

"fuck yeah... let's do it again," he laughed, grabbing your hips to push you onto the mattress; your body bounced slightly.

"enzo!" you giggled, but your playful laugh soon turned into a moan when your best friend buried his head between your legs.

you had definitely created a monster... you weren't complaining, though.

#♡ ;; theosbaby #enzo berkshire #slytherin #hogwarts school of witchcraft and wizardry #slytherin boys #lorenzo bershire smut #lorenzo berkshire #enzo berkshire x you #enzo berkshire x reader #enzo berkshire x y/n #friends to lovers #slytherin boys x reader #slytherin boys smut #lorenzo berkshire x reader #lorenzo berkshire x you #lorenzo berkshire x y/n #fem!reader #louis partridge #loss of virginity #howgarts #harry potter #slytherin boys masterlist