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asexual-alistair-blog · 7 years

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More for Dena

Once she found the Singing Maiden, she stepped inside, squinting as her eyes got used to the change in light. “Snow White!” She heard Varric call, seeing him gesture her over. A Very Large Qunari and a Tevinter mage sat with him. Steeling herself, Keziah reminded herself that she was going to be openminded about this whole Inquisition. This included her cousin’s companions. She strode over with a grin and slapped Varric on the back as she sat next to him.

“Snow white?” She questioned, laughing.

“I do nicknames. Trying out one on you. Snow White doesn’t cut it though.” The dwarf shrugged.

“Ah,” She hummed, turning to the Qunari. “So I take it your real name is, in fact, not Tiny. Shame.” She smirked as the table laughed.

“I’m The Iron Bull, commander of the Bull’s Chargers. You can call me Bull.” The Qunari pointed at his horns in explanation for the name.

“Pleasure to meet you, Bull.” She turned to the ‘Vint. “Never expected the great Pavus heir to join the Inquisition. Hello Dorian.” The table paused for a hot minute, Dorian scrutinizing her looks.

“...Xavia? Is that really you?” Dorian looked utterly shocked.

“It’s Keziah now, Altus. Unless you’re Emith. Then it’s ‘Kezzi!’” She imitated her cousin’s voice and the tension broke with a few chuckles.

“I’m sensing a story here… And you promised me a story, Keziah.” Varric grinned and pulled out some parchment. Keziah sighed.

“I wasn’t born Dalish. I was born a city elf in Kirkwall, where, at the age of five, I was captured by slavers and sold to Magister Pavus. Dorian, as you might know, finds many faults with his homeland, though he loves it dearly. We were the same age, and when my magic manifested, I was assigned to him as a pet, though he treated me more like a companion. We learned magic together until I managed to escape on a trip to Starkhaven. There I found Clan Lavellan, became First to the Keeper, and got my vallaslin.” Keziah looked at Dorian. “I’m sorry for leaving so suddenly, falon.” Dorian shrugged, seemingly unbothered by it.

“I’ve moved on. Did you ever get to learn necromancy?” He maintained a haughty look as Keziah swore.

“No! Keeper wouldn’t let me. I did get Falon’Din’s vallaslin, though, since he’s the god of the dead and all.” She sighed. “Did you?”

“Yes. I’ll teach you, of course.” Dorian said it as if there were no question. Keziah’s heart leaped as she saw her old friend give her a smile.

“I’d have no other teacher.” She smiled widely, trying not to freak out too much and scare Varric and Bull.

“Why the hell are you interested in necromancy?” Bull asked, giving her a weird look.

“Why not?” She shot back. “I’ve always liked reading about death and funeral rituals among different cultures and, as First to my clan, I’ve had to participate in a few. Not to mention, necromancy is incredibly handy when you’re trying to figure out who murdered your clansmen. Or who murdered in general.”

“You still work with ice, Xav- Keziah?” Dorian frowned. “This is going to take a bit to get used to. My apologies, amicus.” Keziah grinned.

“You mean to ask, ‘are you still fucking deadly with ice spells, dearest Keziah?’ In which case your answer’s yes.” She sniffed, pretending to be offended.

Varric suddenly snapped his fingers. “Reaper!” He grinned as the rest of the table looked confused. “That’s your nickname.”

“Approved.” Keziah nodded, grinning. It had been a long time since she’d felt so at home. Since Emith had been sent to the Conclave, she hadn’t really had anyone to talk to. Her clan, Keeper included, usually left her alone.

#ugh writing is hard #Keziah Lavellan #Some backstory for you #For Dena who is the best #Varric gives nicknames lololol #did I get the Tevene right #who know #not a good place to end but whatevs

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wreckedregent7 · 7 years

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Expedition Journal - Emith Samar

Before clicking the readmore, please note: The following is a story I wrote to give some faux-lore to a location and item in the game League of Legends - this is not actual canon lore, and should be taken with a grain of salt. That said, I hope any who read this enjoy!

Entry 1 - My name is Emith Samar, of southern Shurima. Today, I was approached by a group of northerners - Noxians - who came to Shurima on an expedition. They sought knowledge of the past, with hopes to learn for the future. For reasons I do not know, they chose to first explore the ruins of the ancient city of Icathia, whose people were long conquered by the Ascendants of times past.

Though I warned them of terrible dangers, they offered me coins and protection to help them unearth the mysteries of Icathia, the city in the mountain. To ensure that this knowledge does not somehow get lost, they gave me this journal, that I may write what we find.

Before I rest, I wish to take note of one individual among the expedition group: a curious old man, cloaked in fine garb, seemingly untouched by the sands of my home. He always stands behind the group, with two adventurers at his side. Could they be close friends? Bodyguards? He makes me uneasy, but I trust that he might be the most inquisitive of them, the one who started the expedition.

But enough talk, my bedroll waits.

Entry 2 - In two days' time, we've reached the gates of Icathia, half-submerged in sand. They asked if there were any other ways in, and I told them of a broken section of wall that led inside, though it led into the remains of a barracks. They beamed at the mention, and I guided them to it.

When we entered, two of the Noxians examined the barracks, taking notes of its layout. After they finished, we entered into the city proper. The place crawled with festering, chitinous beasts, not unlike the Xer'Sai to the northwest. These creatures spawned almost ceaselessly from a crackling crystal formation, seating what looked to be a pitch-black sphere, which shifted in sight to look almost...Empty. Like a pocket in the air.

Every time the black sphere warped into an abstract hole, another creature crawled out from within. There was nothing there for it to come from, and yet it appeared from the orb as though there was plenty of space for the rest that followed it.

As the men cut down the vicious swarm, their elder moved to the orb, holding his hand out to it. A flash of light came from his hands, and most any looking in his direction reeled - myself included! We were nearly blinded, but when our sight returned, the black orb sat, nestled in the crystal formation. He spoke to the group in their own language, Va-Nox. Though, unlike the others, his words sent a shiver down my spine, like there was some inherent malice that he borne upon the winds. I asked what he said, and one who spoke Shuriman told me that we were to camp outside the walls, and wait until morning to delve again.

I trust the elder means well, but he remains ominous. Did he know something about the creatures? The men who spoke only Va-Nox called them "zur-rot". They must have fought whole nests of the Icathian swarms in the north to have a name for them. Once again, I must quiet my thoughts and rest.

Entry 3 - I woke up early today, as the shadow of Icathia makes me anxious even in sleep. Most all of the expedition remained asleep, though how they managed to with such an omen looming over their heads is beyond me. Curiously, the elder and his two compatriots were absent - perhaps wanderlusting in the city, searching for something to learn?

I crawled up out of my bedroll, and entered the city, careful not to wake the rest of the group. As I explored, I noticed footprints in the sand and dust leading towards an opening. The entry looked vaguely like a crypt, but much more ornate. Twisting pillars holding an arch with metal that shines, ignorant to the shade.

Following the footprints, I entered the tomb, keeping quiet. Whether my sneaking was for the ire of the elder or the possibility of more "zur-rot" beetles, I could not decide. With no torch, I held my hand to the wall, sliding it down carefully to keep my bearings. As I did, my fingertips bumped and slid over carved letters in an ancient language, all of which were oddly familiar. Even still, when I slid my hand back up the writing, all it spelled was gibberish and nonsense. As I reached the bottom of the stairs, I was greeted with a soft, pulsing light, filling the room with a violet glow. At the far end of the room was another bed of crystals, with a genuine portal into some place that was impossible to directly look at. Though I saw in front of it were pillars of metal, twisting in ways inimitable by even the most perverse craftsmen, rows of threadbare carpets laid out like a place of worship, and on the floor...Them.

The elder's compatriots lie, crooked daggers plunged into their shoulders, blood pooling in the gaps between stone, bodies twisted in inhuman ways. I turned to run up the stairs, but as my foot struck the first step, my blood ran cold and my body froze in place. With great effort, I turned around, trying desperately to stare at the portal, with my gaze greeted by another. Vaguely, through the shadows, I saw... What almost looked like an eye, but I knew it couldn't be. It felt like a thousand-thousand eyes were piercing me with their gaze, it couldn't have been just one.

I regained my nerve, and broke into a sprint back up the stairs to the entrance of the crypt, needing no walls for guidance, only fear. When I reached the top, my momentum nearly threw me into the Noxian elder, and I stumbled to the ground to stop myself from running into him. He looked down at me, and just barely from the fading daylight, I could see a smile creep onto his face - or a grimace, I could not tell.

We returned to the camp, and the rest of the expedition greeted me as though I had done an incredible task in my absence. They said the elder told them of the relic I found, of the bravery of his friends to sacrifice themselves to aid our escape, and they asked me if I would do the honors of studying the relic and penning their names to the work to honor their sacrifice.

I know the elder lied to them, but I cannot tell them - To do so would surely end in all our deaths.

Entry 6 - This relic worries me. I have seen it before, but only ever on paper, scrawlings of madmen who drew the semblance in the sand after climbing their way out of Icathia. Worse still, the air feels heavier when I hold it, and when I look in its eyes, I feel like it stares back.

Entry 9 - The relic is a ceremonial mask, made of stone that feels like pitted bronze, but looks like polished purple stone. The depiction is vaguely human, and somewhat feminine, with sharp eyes, no nose, and no mouth. It has two horns that simply peak with the shape of the mask, though they look almost like someone stacked shards of the stone on top of each other sideways, then somehow...Merged it, though I cannot fathom how.

I have been talking with any other Shuriman we pass to learn what they know of it, and so far I've only heard murmurs of familiarity.

Entry 10 - Finally, someone with knowledge of it! They said it was a magical tool to deprive ancient sorcerors of their magic for meditation, though it was lost after the Butcher conquered Icathia. Even though it has been ages since Shurima has felt such powerful magic, and even longer since Icathia stood, I feel as though this ancient mask has not actually faded in strength.

Entry 12 - I cannot stay with the expedition any longer - I heard them talking, about the mask, about me. Their leader calls it "the abyssal mask", that someone wants it, and the group asked if I'm needed any longer. I will run when they sleep, I will run as far as I can and as far as I need. I still have the mask. They will not have it.

Entry 14 - If you found this journal, you must be looking for the mask. You will not find it. The mask is a danger, and I have hidden it away. Noxus cannot have it, Shurima cannot have it, no one can have the abyssal mask.

#League of Legends #Abyssal Mask #Non-Canon #Story

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outeremissary · 4 days

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I was really sleepy when I was answering asks yesterday and I almost forgot to check if you were doing the problematic oc ask too!

Balth is your oc I’m most familiar with! But if they’ve already been asked tell me about whatever critter is infecting your brain most rn 👀💖

Ahh, I appreciate the ask!! Somehow, no one did ask about him!! At any rate, I feel like this blog is full of Balthazar's sympathetic moments and not his Chaotic Fucking Evil Moments, happy to finally correct that <3

Lies constantly

Vengeful

Selfish

Past history of gold digging

Former con artist

Endorsement of experiments on animals

Enjoys watching other people suffer

Loves making people worse

Willing to sell out friends when they cease to be useful

Told a suicidal man to do a flip on the way down

Made fun of a suicidal man's family's deaths

Invades woman's memories to see her at her most vulnerable, mocks her for it

In general just willing to kick anyone when they're down

Doesn't like Regongar's puns

Profited from infant sacrifice

Murdered his own cult

Lied about having a cult

Problematic trans rep?

Accepted demonic gifts multiple times

Supported two different Lamashtu cults

Really does unconditionally forgive Tristian

Sincerely thinks Tristian did nothing wrong

(except cause problems for him but see two points above)

Funded demonic library

Misappropriation of public funds for personal projects

Harboring smugglers

Has been called the worst and most evil person in the Stolen Lands multiple times

Had a cult dedicated to him being The Worst (until he murdered them, see above)

Recruits enemies terrorizing area to work for him

Leading on poor Sharel

Frequently manipulates others into killing on his behalf

Takes credit for the work of others

Refuses to help with camp chores

Troll alliance

Hates animals

Obnoxious PDA

Abuses aasimar heritage to take advantage of others' trust

The public executions

The secret executions

Comes from working class family, often uses his success to close opportunities for others instead of opening them

Jaethal minister

Belittles Regongar's mental health problems

Ghosts Regongar instead of breaking up with him

Mocks Linzi's writing constantly

Enchantment specialist. Mind control is the way <3

Endorsement of experiments on nonconsenting wererats

Identity theft

Identity theft coverup

Asshole southern elitist, frequently belittles local culture as backwards

Propaganda

Lying to the public about a plague

Gaslighting rioters into fighting each other

24 year old bullying a 17 year old... Lander Lebeda is literally a minor

Plus that's just high key pathetic

The murders

The assassinations

Doesn't like dessert :(

Funding foreign dissidents

Endorsement of troll torture

Bad at communicating emotional needs

Using other people as shields in combat

Will throw anyone under the bus for anything

Really only heals Tristian in combat

Supports filicide for dark ritual purposes

His friendship with Jaethal in general

Problematic bi rep?

Attempted to recreate Bloom

Everything that happened during the Divorce Era

There's probably still a warrant out for him in Absalom

Due to [redacted]

Defacing a priceless historic tome (only known copy)

Anyone can die if it's for Tristian's sake

Sells out allies when they stop being convenient

Surtova supporter

Covering up Lander's death

Lander Undeath Incident

Torture is fine

I'm not even sure he seriously thinks torture works he's just horrible

Bread and circuses babyyyyyy

Mean to Nok-Nok

Literally kicked a dog

And there's an incomplete list of Balthazar Crimes! I'm sure I'm missing so, so much but honestly he's problematic more than he's not so. You know.

[prompt]

#because of timing I actually thought for some reason you sent the Kas anon asdfjoiasd #ask game #ask me emithing #balthazar lucienne #bearvanhelsing #cw suicide mention #god. the balthazar crimes requiring me to add that.#the kas crime list is so long but the balthazar crime list is Longer.

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outeremissary · 3 months

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any pose on A or D for anyone if you'd like? no pressure really! and we hope ya have a good night sleep🥺🫂🫂🫂

Be nice to that old dragon, Lark...

This one may have been a little over my skill level but once I had the idea I really wanted to, haha

#I've been testing this goofy pseudo-iridescent color on Balthazar's hair and wings for a while and I made an Attempt to do that again here.#results... not what I'd hoped ^^;;#ask me emithing #art meme #rimerock #larksharius #arrow90-art #emi art

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outeremissary · 3 months

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Oooh how about telling us a little about The Thousand Mile Fall? 👀

Thank you Ash and @bearvanhelsing for asking!

I want to begin by apologizing- I suspect you were looking for Tristian, but this is the single BG3 thing that was on the list. Jay, idk where you stand on discourse game of the year, but Ash, I know that you're not a fan and have been working on distance. I'm placing the rest under a cut. You can read it or not read it. Either thing is fine with me.

As compensation: the one actual Kingmaker ask I got on this (sorry it's not a flashy one), or a PF2e one about Kasander/Asperia.

Still with me? Thank you, I appreciate it!! Let's see to what degree I'm willing to bare my soul before I get too embarrassed and awkwardly trail off.

Ah: DUrge spoiler warning. And content warning: DUrgetash (sorry)

So! The Thousand Mile Fall, something which was only just starting to go beyond planning (and originally planning for a comic) when my laptop committed die. I was really interested in the concept of the Dark Urge as a character who was always framed as having fallen from grace, and who had also fallen from a state of divinity. The liminal state excited me, and we all know how I feel about a horrible someone who's a horrible failure of an angel. Horrible failure of a demigod occupies a similar space. I think the nature of that failure- that fall- began to occupy me quite a bit, since I had a strong concept for Asperia from very, very early on in my playthrough (long before I knew anything besides the DUrge plot besides that they were a Bhaalspawn, even before I had become convinced Kasander and Asperia existed simultaneously) and at the heart of Asperia was someone who was infallible and convinced of their invincibility- maybe rightly so.

So, this story is set only a bit before the game and is meant to unpick the loss of that perfect favor- in my mind, the loss of Asperia's "godhood," something which is stolen twice. The second and definitive loss is of course to Orin in a singular act of violence, but Orin's path to victory was opened by the slow and insidious poison of having known Enver Gortash. In a "the bar is in hell" turn of things, their... acquaintanceship is the closest thing Asperia has ever experienced to a normal relationship and a normal life. And that glimpse of the other side is what unmakes her. It's always been crucial to Asperia's role in the system to be the one who loves being Bhaal's beloved child, who can reconcile anything with belonging, who buys in so fully that it is unthinkable to be less than a god and it is unthinkable to have desires besides those of a god. Others hold the questions, the fear, the other desires- Kasander and Bride especially- but Asperia wants nothing else in life, and Asperia believes with painful, self-destructive fervor.

Asperia has already been acquainted with Gortash for some good while here, the wheels turning in the scheme of the Absolute. This is the longest positive relationship of any kind Asperia has ever had outside of whatever pseudo-parental thing he has with Scleritas, and it has been wonderful: novel, collaborative, a meeting with someone who resembles an equal despite being a mere mortal. Asperia has begun to see other facets of the world through this, to see the ways the world of the living comes together for purposes besides inevitable execution. It's all an act of devotion, all furthering the will of Bhaal, all what Asperia desires and wants to do. But the further it's gone the more it's started to be fun for its own sake too, and a certain fascination with a frenemy has begun to blossom into dangerous fantasies.

Asperia doesn't fantasize. Asperia can't fantasize. Asperia is a god, and he only wants things which are real and deserved. Bhaal's favor is proof of that: Orin's ugly, messy desires make her a worse worshiper, and she's never had their divine father's love. Asperia is Bhaal's beloved. Asperia is defined by her distance from those mistakes. And so too is Asperia the perfect disciple, a being beyond sin. If something is what Asperia wants, then it must be acceptable.

And this is how Asperia begins to lose Bhaal's favor.

Asperia starts the story at a personal high and only rising- with the world at her fingertips and Bhaal's love behind her, she's preparing for the victory lap and has taken an extra prize in becoming more intimately involved with Gortash. But you can't have your cake and eat it too- this impossible personal high the seed of Asperia's ruin, already sown, takes root and begins to grow. Bhaal's perfect killing machine doesn't play house with Bane's Chosen. And there are more than enough people who fucking hate Asperia already and are ready to take note- as well as Gortash himself, so much older and colder than young, sheltered Asperia. There may be some genuine affection there in some form, but calculation and power take precedent, as does the enjoyment of solving this Bhaalspawn puzzle by picking her apart.

Over time the increasingly clear dissonance between the impossible misalignment- the first Asperia has ever experienced- between what they want and what Bhaal allows them to desire and have drives them to spiral into a state of exceptional vulnerability that ultimately allows Orin to usurp them. The escalating stress causes them to lose time more and more frequently, beyond what they can explain away to themself and make disappear, and they begin to doubt themself. To fear what is happening, and to develop their own doubts about Bhaal- things that should live elsewhere, things that cause other parts to bubble up in ways they notice. Asperia is straying and rivals like Orin can see it, is becoming less dependable and reluctant allies like Ketheric can see it, is becoming a less than perfect disciple and that butler shepherd of Bhaal can see it (not that every part was always perfect- Scleritas has always known that "Asperia" is more than just Asperia, and has long pitted Asperia against themself). And Asperia is vulnerable and open and easier and easier to see- and Gortash, who has solved the part of this puzzle Asperia refuses to see quite well, sees it all and drives the spiral deeper. Pulls Asperia closer, and begins to learn the others without letting Asperia know (this is a piece of how Kasander knows Gortash, has known Gortash before anything).

So y'know. It's all heading for inevitable tragedy, heartbreak, ruin, bad feelings, and a tadpole in the head, as well as a shitty asshole boyfriend conspiring with one's sister who has been waiting for ages for the change to REALLY wreck one's shit. Yikes! Feel like not enough was spent on the family drama and that's sold Orin short, but she's played a damn active hand through it all. Sacrificial Orin, always underestimated, always overlooked, always surviving.

I dunno how to conclude this and I feel like I probably talked too long (half just to remember things I can't access until the new laptop arrives and is set up). All in all, just a fun little project to play with while I continue to fail to finish the last teeny bit of the actual goddamn game (I'm the worst at wrapping up the last little dregs of things after I've cleaned up the most fun stuff).

TLDR: Asperia, main character of life, starts to Lose the Plot and gets written out of the story for a little while

#I assume that folks asking about this were looking for tris. unfortunately my only tris fic with a clearly That Guy working title #was not on the list because I really hate the draft I was working on in fall and I am ignoring it for a little while- thus inactive #I think it's fun how possibly every person who sent an ask got something besides what they were looking for. not my intention :')#emi plays bg3 #asperia #arendaes #bearvanhelsing #ask me emithing #well even if we all walk away disappointed here I did enjoy getting to talk about asperia #I can smell something burning in the kitchen but I needed to finish this more than anything else. I feel a little faint

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outeremissary · 5 days

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I'm so tempted to ask for Kassander on the problematic OC ask in the way one would open pandora's box.

Anon I am going to assume that this ask making it to my inbox represents caving to the desire for Kas Cringe Compilation. A desire I can certainly satisfy with a problematic paladin.

the long history of murder

cringe taste

can and has been manipulated into murder

necromancy is unproblematic if it's for therapy

Oath Broken

atheist in FR

cooking so bad it could be a crime

kidnapped a baby

spiritually a Shadow the Hedgehog fan

looks like a Shadow the Hedgehog gijinka

by choice

look up at point 2 again

petty

chronic liar

chronic oversharer

the worst trauma dumping you've ever heard

terrible at putting their foot down when someone they care about is Doing Some Shit

identity theft

identity theft of a murder victim (their own)

public kink scene incident

past cannibalism

Just Keeps Leading People On

not entirely unaware that they're leading people on. it's maybe kind of sort of sometimes on purpose.

notable Kasander heartbreak victims: Wyll Ravengard, Lae'zel of K'liir

fed an infant illithid instead of killing it and then let it leave

Oath Broken

sex neutral asexual (context: I am posting on Tumblr)

anyway here's Wonderwall

still kinda likes the taste of blood

tadpole eater

did hire the siblings at the same time once

whatever mutual loss of character development they had with Astarion that one time

nosy

gossip

Bhaalspawn

eavesdropper

they may not have fucked that squid but getting to the point where it was on the table really feels like a sign of doing something seriously wrong with your life

worst ex in the world.

past complicity in ex's crimes

licked a corpse that one time

Really Good at Persuasion based solutions to boss encounters in Act 2 iykyk

the usual DUrge Problems

Everyone Deserves A Second Chance :)

Everyone.

(lingering suspicion this is About Them)

imperfect abuse victim

problematically violent depiction of mental illness

7000 vampires

Oath Broken

So there you are. A wildly incomplete list. I feel like I'm going to think of like five extra things as soon as I post this. That's the Kasander difference. Heart.

[prompt]

#thank you so much they are. a lot.#most guy of all time #ask game #ask me emithing #anon #kasander #emi plays bg3

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outeremissary · 3 months

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break and secret for Balthazar and Kasander?👀

Thanks for the question, and sorry for the delay!! These are things I can go on for ages about for most characters, haha. Personal limits and private experiences are essential in some way to me when thinking through characters. Even though I tried to keep this under control it still got really long... it's under a cut for that and the umm. Content warnings.

CW: mentions of disordered eating, self harm, suicidal ideation, and suicide

[prompt list]

break: What would cause your OC to break down completely? What do they look like when that happens? Has anyone ever seen them at their lowest?

Balthazar

For Balthazar, total breakdown is the result of being completely, inescapably trapped, especially when it shows a harsh limit on what he's able to do or be. As it is, he already sees his bounds in everything. In his mind he's always struggling through them to live the life he wants rather than what he feels the world is fencing him in to. He knows that he's weak and there's a limit to what he can control. He also knows that he's choosing something with his life that destroys his value in the eyes of others. Still, he needs to believe that he can play past the point where he should have to quit, that his cruel and self-isolating exercises in agency will give him control even if there's no other reward.

At his lowest, Balthazar shuts down near completely. He's been shown that there's nothing that can be gained by fighting; thus, the fight leaves him. He's lethargic, unresponsive, and pliant. To point to a specific incident: when his wings developed and shackled him to the inescapable image of his heritage he withdrew into himself for weeks, avoiding being in the public eye and doing nothing more than the minimum to maintain the illusion of control over his domain- and struggling to do even that. But the withdrawal felt like all he could do to assert control over his body and to shield himself from seeing the extent to which the carefully maintained narrative of himself had escaped him. It was a self-pitying, self-punishing period of neglect. He did very little beyond function. Near the beginning he stopped looking after himself more or less completely. He also stopped eating, something common to his deepest lows but made more intense by the awareness of how the wings merely existing had changed his appetite, the way they ate up energy. He interacted with them only to try to find ways to crush them down to be less visible, or to idly pick at neglected feathers. More than anything, he avoided the people who knew and cared for him. It seemed like the ugliest indignity to be seen in that state. The thought of being pitied made him nauseous.

Still, he's never seemed to have the dignity of suffering alone during any breakdown he's had in his life. No matter how he tries to isolate himself his worst moments always seem to be seen, and sometimes they've been taken advantage of as well. There's a nasty spiral to being shown how much further he can fall when he already feels helpless. He was lucky in this one though: for the most part, it was only the concerned and supportive interacting with him (except Lander, as typical for the rat). And Jaethal, who was instrumental in pressing him back into his daily tasks, wasn't one for pity- that abrasive appeal to his pride did a lot to pull him out of the state. Although she did enlist some help in following through on the more menial or overly sensitive tasks: for a time afterwards, Tristian was in charge of making sure he was eating.

Kasander

So: Kasander is an Oath of the Ancients paladin, the oath most focused on love of life and defense of its sanctity. Light, joy, life. Everything that Bhaal exists to destroy, and that Bhaal made them to snuff out. And you have to understand that Kas takes 1) takes this ungodly seriously and 2) has an extremely radical interpretation of what their oath means. Kasander is a reckless savior. Their mercy can easily be as destructive as their violence. Without very immediate threat they hate to destroy even for a greater good, not while there's still some foolish hope that somehow, the situation will turn around. Kasander has lost their oath three times over the course of BG3 and every time it has been because they've strained the concept of mercy to the breaking point: refused to kill what was lethal, refused to destroy what was tormented. And they're not exactly doing a lot of follow-through here. They hate to control others as much as they hate to condemn them. Their mercy is unconditional. They'll turn around and wait until you're gone- do whatever you want after that. To them, this is what it means to shelter life and see value in it. To just keep offering and offering. To hope against hope and against reason. It isn't as if they're naive, not really. But they're stubborn anyway. And on top of that, they don't want to pass judgment that they know would condemn them. Whatever chance they've been given they have no right to withhold.

To me, Kasander is kind of incorruptible, but that's what can destroy them: they're holding themself and the world to a standard that just isn't possible. They believe too fervently, too uncompromisingly. They're trying to be too good for good, too kind to be kind. And when the world pushes back and tells them no, that's not an answer they can accept. It's not about realism. It's about rejection. Breaking their oath over attempted mercy is being told that their best intentions and all their attempts to overcome everything the world has tried to make them still aren't enough. It makes them feel fundamentally broken. Too dirty to be saved. Far too dirty to save others.

Their lowest points are born out of that conflict between their radical idealism and their oath (or reality at large) more than the direct influence of the Urge (or actions of their siblings). In the game itself, their lowest point was probably the first time they lost their oath. In the same short period they'd endured Alfira's death, had accidentally killed innocents for Ethel, had been called a monster by people they wanted to save and accidentally killed some of the victims they tried to rescue, and when they finally thought they could do one good thing for Mayrina by putting control over her future in her hands and letting her choose what to do about her husband, that was the thing that finally shattered their oath. How much crueler could anything get? Even their attempts at atonement were too monstrous to be accepted. And there's no such thing as a private low- not with Bhaal watching, waiting for them to break completely.

In their total breakdown, they backslide more or less completely into despair. They succumb to self-destructive behavior without the hope of repairing a situation, and they're often driven by the influence, passive or active, of parts of their internal system which are already inclined to shame and self-punishment. Bride in particular holds sway in these moments: though Bride doesn't mean it with any ill will, they see suffering in everything, and they want to find accountability through self-harm and release through death. For Bride, hope is unreliable, and the hard reality is that only extreme solutions can work. It was somewhere in the halfway point between Kasander drowning in their own misery and Bride's desires to save them all from pain that they committed suicide by goading Astarion into killing them while feeding. Their death didn't stick- Shadowheart "rescued" them immediately after finding out, and they wallowed in the guilt of knowing that Astarion almost paid the price for their choices.

Though not characteristic of that particular incident, it's also not uncommon for them to withdraw very quickly and instinctually inside themself, causing someone else to switch to front. In response to distress this is usually Bride, who resolves the situation through self-punishment, or Asperia, who resolves it by lashing out. The things that cause Kasander pain don't often get to Asperia. Asperia is good at going beyond Kasander's limits. Whatever the results, withdrawing gives Kas time to calm down and return to something different.

secret: What's one secret your OC never wants anyone to know about them?

Balthazar

There are a lot of things Balthazar hates to have people know about him, but some of his worst moments and deepest weaknesses have been ripped from him against his will and laid bare to the world. It gives him a strange relationship with personal secrets- most of what he doesn't want known is already out there somewhere. He's used to living in a constant state of damage control. Leaving Absalom gave him a blank slate though, and in many ways he doesn't want others to know anything at all about who he was or what his life was like before he crossed the Inner Sea and went north. As much as it makes him feel cut off from a past he mourns, he feels it's best to hide as much of it as possible through avoidance, vague answers, and lies.

In terms of more specific things though... one thing that he managed to keep from spreading too outside his immediate home neighborhood was information about his mother and about his father's relationship with her. Even before his aasimar heritage had manifested, he knew what it was like to have people look right through him, searching for someone else. He never knew much about her himself because of the way she disappeared, but speculation about her hung over his early childhood and haunted his relationship with his father. He never discusses her willingly. When people ask about his mother he tends to say that she died in childbirth, elaborating occasionally some sickly sweet additional details. His father's fiance, you see. She was young and frail, but they were in love, you understand. A beloved presence and a dearly missed one. All lies, but what a wonder a banal family sob story does for shutting down questions. Anything to stop people seizing on the knowledge she could be alive out there somewhere and thinking she ought to be found. There's no one he has less desire to know more about.

But if there was one thing he wishes he could turn into a secret that he'll never be able to, it would be his aasimar heritage.

Kasander

Despite the fact that Kasander is a painfully honest person and a chronic oversharer, there are still many things they don't want anyone to ever know about them, or to not know the extent of. It's the burden of being a Bhaalspawn: the visions, the acts, the private battles, the lapses... And more than anything, I think that Kasander doesn't ever want anyone to know how much they have suffered over the course of their life. Even Kas can't truly grasp it- like Asperia, they had very few memories before around age 9 even prior to the Tadpole Incident. And after that point there were still always long periods of patchiness. Sometimes scraps from those periods drift through when they trance, and there are dark memories they understand are bound up in the others and can't be accessed by them.

What they remember they still don't want to share. They hate for their pain, past or present, to be a burden on others and find the reactions other people have to it distressing. They know that they've experienced terrible things and that few people can understand that, and they don't want to be hurt again by others denying their experiences, downplaying them, or misinterpreting them. With most of the party members distress and pushback seem to be the norm- it's made them reluctant to confide in anyone outside themself. It also feels like they've failed other people when just talking about their past with others seems to hurt them. Jaheira is the only consistently safe person, and they're thankful beyond words for her, especially after many of their memories were restored. It's hard to imagine continuing to just push through without processing, but they couldn't process all of that alone.

There's another element to past hurt as well though: not all of it belongs to them, and that vulnerable part of the other alters is too sacred to violate by sharing even through implication. Concealing their past- their shared past- is an act of protection so natural they don't even think about it.

#this got WAY too long. it's like 2000 fucking words. and then after revising it I got nervous and held on to reread again ahaaa...#ask me emithing #ask game #balthazar lucienne #kasander #bride #asperia #balthazar is a man of many secrets and half concealed truths so there's just an infinite well of things to talk about there haha #I tried to pick something that he has managed to conceal fairly effectively for a long time.#a lot of the concepts that the first kas answer are based in came from trying to imagine an oathbreaker kas haha #kas lives to protect- both to protect others and (more importantly) to protect the other parts of the system

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outeremissary · 3 months

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I'd like to know more about Asperia!!!❓, and 🚶‍♂️

Whoa, Asperia time!! Thank you!! Asperia is such a Lot even just focusing on Asperia Specifically

[Thematic Headcanons]

hc + ❓ for a headcanon of the receiver's choice

Asperia had a nickname in the underworld for a long time (among those aware of the Temple, at least): the Brat Princess of the Bhaal cult. It had a few layers to it. One of them was that Asperia came to power as the leader of the cult remarkably, notably young- barely more than twelve years old. A child prodigy, you might say (although it wouldn't be entirely accurate). Not the only reason, though- he was also infamous for seemingly unpredictable moods and whims and for being incredibly difficult to deal with (even for a Bhaalist). Some of this "moodiness" and tendency to forget things was, though nearly no one knew, because "Asperia" wasn't always the same person, but that was the impression that formed the reputation. And it was definitely deepened by Asperia's tendency to dismiss any accusations of forgetting things with "clearly it wasn't (and you aren't) important enough to be worth remembering, so I don't see how this is my problem." Truly nothing covers for lost time like a sincere belief that other people matter so little that they can pass out of existence without consequence. Asperia was also known for generally self-aggrandizing behavior, frequently referencing personal divine superiority to others, treating most people as servants (very expendable ones), and always being accompanied by that damned butler. She gave the macabre impression of being an entitled rich kid who expected everyone knowing about her daddy would flatten any obstacle in her path.

Oh, and the fact he sometimes did literally call himself "princess of murder." Charming.

hc + 🚶‍♂️ for a habit-themed headcanon

Hm, Asperia's habits... aside from the obsessive religious devotion, there are a number of quirks. One significant thing about Asperia is that he has a tendency to dictate a lot of his thoughts and actions out loud when Scleritas is nearby. She expects that Scleritas will then remind her later of anything she's forgotten, or write it down so she can refresh herself (not that she should need to- that would imply Scleritas isn't there to be called on and obviously her butler would never leave her waiting). It's a dramatic, grandiose behavior for the person who claims not to bother keeping track of things beneath them, but it's a habit that most of the alters kept (and were encouraged to by Scleritas) and because of that was a significant counterbalance to losing time. Is something confusing? Ask Scleritas what's happening. He'll remind you of what "you" told him so brilliantly. It's important to note that Asperia was virtually unaware of the dissociation until shortly before the events of the game, so to Asperia this really was Scleritas reminding her of events so trivial to a divine prodigy that they slipped her mind. Those hours of careful work Paracelsus put into this project: Asperia's achievements, as long as Scleritas can describe them. Joslyn negotiating some internal troubles in the cult: Asperia did it, they were just a bit preoccupied to think much of it.

Of course, not a perfect method. Scleritas isn't always around, for one thing. Servants must sometimes be away keeping house. And sometimes Asperia had killed him for some reason or other and he hadn't come back quite yet. But more than that, there was someone who didn't like to talk to him: Kasander. Most of the blanks in Asperia's life past a certain age that they could never seem to fill were times they had switched with Kasander. Alarming blanks, considering that those were times that "Asperia" seemed to be doing everything that they shouldn't. That was always unsettling. But even though Scleritas could never give the concrete dictions to explain away secondhand reports of strange behavior, talking to him was still always good for making the worry disappear. There was always a theory there. Always something to make it rational, or to show how to make it up to Father when it was misbehavior that couldn't be explained away.

Of course, Scleritas knew what was happening all along. But it was much easier to mold an Asperia who didn't know- especially when those oral records were so easy to change to suit a moment's need.

#the original asperia concept (predating the name even...?) was 'spoiled brat serial killer.' a lot has changed but it's still in there #asperia leaning /extremely/ heavily on scleritas is also a part of that. the rich kid's nanny who makes sure they always get what they want #(and manipulatively makes sure they don't disappoint daddy)#ask game #ask me emithing #emi plays bg3 #(that's like a content warning tag to me. lmao.)#asperia #bearvanhelsing #a fun kas fact for free is that at one time they were the number one cause of scleritas deaths

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outeremissary · 3 months

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drop this sunflower🌻into the inboxes of the blogs that make you happy! lets spread a little sunshine ☀️!!

thank you so much for being a light on my dash ❤️

Thank you Ash 💕🌻🥺 I appreciaaaaate it

I probably should have picked a character who was more of a light...

#yesterday I established a bit and. for now I commit. with the doodles. sorry.#ask me emithing #arendaes #emi art #carmen regis

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outeremissary · 13 days

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for my classic lads, 🌽 for Balthazar and 🍾 for Caina

Thank you Rowan :3c

[prompt list]

🌽: How does this OC feel about acts of affection? What's their favourite act of affection, physical or emotional?

Balthazar is not generally fond of acts of affection! He finds them annoying, and is used to enduring a lot of interest of every kind that he simply does not reciprocate (or feigning affection that he doesn't feel). He finds it cloying when others are overly affectionate with each other in his presence as well. There's something about seeing people be genuinely caring that grates on him.

In terms of the rare people he does care for, it's been said before and I'm happy to say again that he really enjoys physical contact. Perhaps to the point of being clingy. It's something that's so simple and casual, but feeling able to touch someone without being guarded is very special for him. He craves that quiet feeling of safety. Maybe it's also hard to trust that without that constant reassurance that feeling is real and enduring it won't simply disappear.

🍾: Does your OC believe in luck? If so, do they have any charm or ritual they do before a stressful event?

Caina certainly believes in luck, even if he believes that it has thoroughly deserted him. As with everything, he blames the curse of his exile for what he sees as a life of endless misfortune and strife. But despite that he still keeps hoping that one day fortune will one day favor him again. Because of this, he often prays before uncertain or stressful events. Usually these prayers are directed to Corellon Larethian as protector and preserver, but he passed through all of his gods in turn. And as is customary for his people, he also prays to Céa the Firstborn, asking them to take pity on a wayward son and to intercede on his behalf with the divine.

He has little ability to partake in the ordinary rituals of prayer, and less access to sacred spaces. But when he's able he tries to pour out a libation of sorts. He can only hope that the thought counts for something even without the place or the time or the proper consecration- and most of all without a person worthy of making even the smallest offering.

#I got lost in the sauce rereading an amount of old lore that was completely and totally unnecessary for the Caina one oops #but hey I did get one thing out of it and that was remembering Céa's name #ask game #ask me emithing #balthazar lucienne #caina lilindel #mountainashfae

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outeremissary · 13 days

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🍉🍪🍕 for Ismene?

Thanks for the asks, Ash! This took longer than expected because after drafting the answers I went to fact check some lore and um. Spent over an hour reading about libraries. Whoops!!

[prompt list]

🍉: Does your OC have a particular piece of jewellery that they always wear or refuse to part with?

Ismene has a black velvet choker she wears almost constantly (an item which is fortunately easy to keep secure on the road and in fights). The choker was a gift from Imoen from not long after Imoen was first brought to Candlekeep, and one with some backstory to it. Around that time Candlekeep had hosted a noblewoman for several weeks who was a dedicated lover of scholarly pursuits bursting with admiration for the monks of Candlekeep. It had been her dream to visit the great library and learn from it, and she treated the hallowed library and its keepers with nothing but the utmost reverence. For the other residents of Candlekeep, however, she seemed to have nothing but contempt- even for the little elf girl who helped to mind the reading rooms and who carefully shelved the books for the librarians between visits. Ismene became a frequent target of the woman's ire. The woman complained frequently of her presence, berated her for her presumed background, treated her as a servant, and harshly criticized the work she did. After a day where Ismene attempted several times to correct the woman for violating the rules of a reading room, the woman went to one of the Great Readers and went on at length about the girl's insolent behavior, accusing her of singling the woman out for harassment and attempting to steal from the woman's bag.

Imoen saw Ismene crying after being scolded over the accusations, and the morning after the woman suddenly found herself with real problems on her hands. Somehow a bottle of ink had cracked in her bag, leaking all over her fine clothes and ruining pages of her careful notes. For the rest of her visit she seemed tormented by an endless string of accidents. Things broke or went missing, her food burned, the floors outside her room were always just slick enough with half done mopping for her to slip... Although she went to Winthrop more than once over these incidents, her complaints fell on deaf ears after weeks of tormenting the inn's staff with false claims. On the last day of her stay, the woman reported frantically that a favorite choker, one which she had worn frequently during her time at Candlekeep, had gone missing. Although she turned half of Candlekeep upside down searching for it, she never managed to find it, and she left the library fortress disconsolate over its loss. That night Imoen presented it to Ismene as a gift. The girls have been fast friends ever since (though they did both get in trouble over the clearly stolen item).

🍪: What is something that's sentimental to your OC?

Any of the many things that remind her of Candlekeep- she misses her home dearly, and has not been happy to leave. The smell of books, the gentle warmth of the afternoon sun in a comfortable seat by a window, the droning sound of chant... Any of it can take her back for just the briefest moment. Maybe the most potent, but thankfully the least bittersweet, moments of sentiment come from time spent with Imoen talking and braiding hair as if they were girls again. Ismene isn't one to voice gratitude, but she's incredibly thankful for Imoen's companionship.

🍕: How does an OC spend a lazy day?

Ismene spends huge portions of unoccupied days sleeping. She can easily sleep for more than twelve hours when not interrupted, and she doesn't mind the time lost. She loathes having to wake before dawn to maximize daylight while traveling; even though elves have no real need for sleep she always sleeps on rest days in towns like she's catching up from weeks of deprivation. Of course, in her eyes her sleep is far more valuable than the sleep normal people experience because of the visions she receives in her dreams.

Aside from sleeping, she enjoys reading and will spend her waking hours squirreled away in a library given the chance- in the small towns of the Sword Coast these are often collections belonging to temples or wealthy private individuals, and identifying who locally has a worthwhile collection to attempt to access is one of her priorities when arriving somewhere new. Often there's little truly new and worthwhile in these collections relative to Candlekeep, but occasionally she's pleasantly surprised. Although on other occasions she is prematurely escorted out of the library after revealing to unhappy owners expensive forgeries or offering unsolicited critique of the gaps in their collections...

I wish I could say she had other things she spent time on as a hobby, but unfortunately Ismene is the number one nerd who never goes outside unless dragged and it really is mostly that.

#the meta reason for the choker has long since been lost to time.#ismene originally only had a visual design and I suspect in 2017 when locking that down I added it as easy space fill asdlfjas #fun to come up with a backstory to it. and also some fun unintentional design parallels with pre-canon asperia #bg1 is the number one game I spend more time thinking about than playing despite playing it regularly recently #making progress has not increased my faith that I will ever reach bg2 so if I ever say anything that conflicts with later canon #just pretend it doesn't </3 #certainly a character who's not entirely done cooking lol #ask game #ask me emithing #ismene #arendaes

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outeremissary · 3 months

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For the pose ask game...I'd love to see C2 in your style! Couple of your choice? I just think it'd look great in your style 👀👀👀

In T minus 5... 4...

3...

2...

Dumbass.

I did this ask with different characters first Thursday night and then thought hmmm let's do not that actually. Wing humor instead :)

#by the time this is over I will have done a variant of C2 three times. gotta do my best to keep it fresh.#ask me emithing #art meme #balthazar lucienne #vio miette #match made in hell #arendaes #hm. I forgot Vio's kestrel markings. well. just taking this L sorry Vio #I have a lot of work to do learning to make impact land but I definitely have been doing these as little things so is what it is ^^;;#emi art #I'm always forgetting my fucking tags

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outeremissary · 2 months

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14. and 17. and 39. for my friend Balthazar. 😌💕

Your friend and mine!! Always happy to talk about him 😌

[prompt list]

14. What animal do they fear most?

You know what? I'm making it canon. Dogs. It's dogs. He's afraid of dogs. Yes, even the little ones. Even the big goofy nice ones. Balthazar's not especially fond of any animals and treats them all warily, but dogs are especially off putting. He doesn't like how suddenly they move or how quickly their demeanors change. They're defensive and intense and dangerous. The little ones are loud and unpredictable and the big ones are strong and scary. Dogs are just a bad experience all the way around.

I think he must have been bitten by a neighbor's dog as a kid.

17. Are they easily embarrassed?

Definitely not! As much as he has a fuming, vengeful sense of "this is humiliating" about plenty of things, being actually embarrassed or ashamed is rare for him. He's too used to putting himself through things he'd rather not do or finds humiliating to be personally bothered by much. The ability to endure shameful situations without being thrown by them or becoming emotional because of them is something he takes a certain kind of pride in. There's a way in which he views himself as a kind of tool to further his own goals- not just his body, but his persona and even his own psyche- and this kind of tolerance and flexibility is a part of that tool's utility.

I think the only kind of thing that can reliably get through to embarrass him is discovering some vulnerability he didn't know or expect about himself- especially in a public setting.

39. How easy is it for them to ignore flaws in other people?

Fairly easy, actually. Sure, he notices flaws in other people often (or what he perceives as flaws), but there's not much use to letting them get through to bother him. Notice them, add them to the mental inventory, decide what to do with them. Some of them will make people useless. Some of them are things that can be used. Some are funny. Some will be annoying but you have to grit your teeth through them anyway. And some are annoying in a way that ought to be punished given the opportunity, but for now- push past. Maybe there's a difference between ignoring and strategically overlooking, but I think it's about the same thing.

At any rate, it's not that he's good at it because of some kind of compassion for others. It's just not possible to work a person if you aren't being intentional about your approach to these kinds of things. That's the magic that lets you turn knowledge of how someone ticks into control over them.

#ask me emithing #ask game #balthazar lucienne #dmagedgoods #thank you sphinx!! <3 #though I was delayed in answering them by daily tasks these all came pretty easily lol

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