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uncloseted · 3 years

Note

there's a part of me that still thinksa bortion is murder. i act like i support it to fit in but deep down i dont. please just listen. i think forcing someone to go through a pregnagncy they don't want is inhuman but it also feels inhuman to kill a baby and i dont like thsi idea that if youre 4 weeks pregnant and you want it its a baby but if youre 4 week pregnant and dont want it then its just a clump of cells thats just not how scence works. so theres this woman who was forced to get an .

Anonymous asked:

abortion and she was 6 months pregnant and apparently th baby waws born alive but it died shortly after from ashpyxia and i just dont know what to think. i know forcing smeone to get an abortion is just as bad as forcing them to give birth and that theres no such thing as a six month abortion and at least wher e i live abortions are only available until week 14 but like wwhat if someone is 15 or 16 weeks or 7 months, do they not have a choice anymore? please dont think im a bigot im not im so

Anonymous asked:

sorry i just dont want to be brainwashed by ANYONE, pro life or pro choice and im just so easily influenceable i just want to support whats right you know

No worries at all! I don't think you're a bigot and I'm glad that you want to engage with this issue critically. I'm happy to give you the facts as they stand and offer you my perspective on the issue. Apologies in advance that this is a bit long, but please try to stick with me until the end! All of this is important in understanding the different sides of this discussion.

There are a few main categories I want to talk about in this answer: legal, science, politics, and culture. For now, I'm going to avoid delving into any religious or metaphysical questions about what is and isn't considered "a person", since while those conversations are interesting, I don't think they're particularly useful in the context of discussions about abortion. As Harry Blackmun wrote in the court opinion for Roe v. Wade, "we need not resolve the difficult question of when life begins. When those trained in the respective disciplines of medicine, philosophy, and theology are unable to arrive at any consensus, the judiciary, at this point in the development of man's knowledge, is not in a position to speculate."

Legality

Starting with legal issues, there are a few points I think it's important to make in order to get a sense of how we relate to abortion. Abortions are legal in 98% of countries. 34% of countries, including the US, Canada, Australia, New Zealand most European countries, and China, allow abortions on the basis of a the pregnant person's request, without needing to prove that there is risk to life, risk to health, risk to the fetus, economic or social reasons that abortion is a necessity, or extenuating circumstances (such as the pregnancy being a product of rape or incest). The vast majority (93%) of countries with highly restrictive abortion laws, such as outlawing abortion except in cases where the pregnant person is endangered, are in developing regions. There are five countries that completely outlaw abortion. These are: Dominican Republic, El Salvador, Malta, Nicaragua, and the Vatican City, all countries where the Catholic church has significant influence.

Of the countries that do allow abortion, there is always a limit on how far into a pregnancy a person can be when they choose to terminate. Beyond that limit, the person doesn't have a choice anymore, and must carry the pregnancy to term (except in extenuating circumstances). The most common limit is 12 weeks (3 months), although some countries allow abortion up to the point of "viability", where the fetus can live outside the mother's womb with artificial aid. Typically, the point of viability is around 24 weeks (6 months). In the US, 87% of abortions are performed before 12 weeks, and 92.2% were performed at 13 weeks or fewer. For reference, pregnancies are typically around 40 weeks long.

Forced abortion is illegal in almost every country, including the US and the UK, and it is considered an act of violence against women. It is just as bad as forcing someone to give birth, which is why all countries do their best to prevent it from happening. While forced abortions can and do happen, particularly to victims of sex trafficking, I think the solution to this issue is to put policies into place that protect vulnerable women, instead of trying to ban abortion entirely.

Science

So, most countries allow abortions up to 12 weeks. What does that actually look like in terms of the fetus? Here's a timeline of fetal stages of growth:

Weeks 1-4: at this stage, the "baby" is actually an embryo. It starts out as just a fertilized egg. The amniotic sac forms around it, and the placenta develops. The eyes, mouth, lower jaw, and throat are in very early development. Blood cells are taking shape. By the end of week 4, the embryo is smaller than a grain of rice. It is very literally "just a clump of cells" at this point.

Weeks 5-9: the "baby" is still an embryo. Its facial features begin to develop, folds of skin that will eventually become ears grow, tiny buds that will eventually grow into arms and legs form, the neural tube, digestive tract, and sensory organs all begin to develop. Bone starts to replace cartilage. At about 6 weeks, a heart beat can be detected. After week 8, the baby is considered a fetus instead of an embryo, at which point the fetus is about one inch long.

Weeks 9-12: the fetus' arms, hands, fingers, feet, and toes are fully formed. It may be able to open and close its fists and mouth. Ears are formed, and its reproductive organs begin to develop. By the end of week 12, the fetus has all of their organs and limbs, and their circulatory and urinary systems are working, but everything needs to continue to develop in order to become functional. At the end of week 12, the fetus is about 4 inches long.

It is important to know that the miscarriage rate is highest in the first trimester (before week 12). Among women who know they're pregnant (typically further along than 6 or 7 weeks), 10-20% will miscarry. 30%-50% of all fertilized eggs miscarry.

Other important developmental markers include:

During month 4 (weeks 16-20), you can see the sex of the fetus.

During month 5 (weeks 20-24), the fetus starts moving around.

Between week 22 and week 24, brain waves appear in the cerebral cortex.

At week 24, the fetus may be able to survive if it is born prematurely, provided it has intensive care.

Somewhere between week 26 and week 30, the fetus may be able to feel pain, although we don't know that for sure.

A fetus is not capable of thinking, communicating, reasoning, self-motivation, feeling emotions, or consciousness. They don't have a concept of the self, and they don't know that they exist. They are essentially sedated for the entirety of the pregnancy. Since we use "brain death" as the primary criteria for death, it makes sense to me that we might consider "brain life" (the point where a fetus exhibits brain activity) as the point at which a fetus becomes a person.

While some people will refer to an embryo as a "baby" from the time they discover they're pregnant, scientifically, it is a clump of cells, whether that clump is allowed to continue to grow or not. It's not something we would recognize as a baby, or be able to interact with as if it were a baby. An embryo is a precursor to a baby, kind of like how a seed is a precursor to a plant.

Some other arguments

I want to quickly touch on some other arguments for abortion rights that people make. I'm not going to delve deeply into them, but it didn't feel right to leave them out entirely. These are arguments that don't depend on whether or not a fetus can be considered a person.

Bodily Rights

There are many situations in which we prioritize individual bodily rights over the right of someone else to live. For example, we don't force people to donate organs to people who are dying, even though a donated organ would save their life. Advocates for abortion rights argue that those same bodily rights should be extended to a pregnant person.

Deprivation

This argument usually looks something like, "but what if that fetus was going to cure cancer when it grew up!" Basically, it's saying that abortion is morally wrong because it deprives the fetus (and the world) of a valuable future. To me, this completely ignores the deprivation that already exists by forcing a person to carry and birth a baby they don't want, and potentially the deprivation that comes with raising that child. People who make this argument never seem to ask, "what if the pregnant person was going to cure cancer?"

Slippery Slope

Some people argue that normalizing and legalizing abortion may lead to people also accepting euthanasia. I am unconvinced by this for two reasons. 1. Slippery slope is a logical fallacy and 2. I absolutely do think we should legalize euthanasia for certain situations.

Religion

I don't want to dig too far into this one, but what I will say is that the US is a country that (at least nominally) has a separation of church and state, and the religious beliefs that other people hold should not infringe on a person's rights to make choices about their own life.

History and Politics

The practice of abortion itself is incredibly old. The Sanskrit epic Ramayana, which dates to the 7th century BCE, describes abortion being practiced by surgeons and barbers. In the Assyrian Code of Assura, circa 1075 BCE, a woman is allowed to procure an abortion except when it's against her husband's wishes. The first recorded evidence of induced abortion is from the Egyptian Ebers Papyrus in 1550 BCE. Japanese documents show records of induced abortion from as early as the 12th century, and it became more prevalent during the Edo period. It is considered to be unlikely that abortion was punished in Ancient Greece or ancient Rome. All major Jewish religious movements allow abortion in order to save the life or health of a pregnant woman, and often support abortion for other reasons as well. Christianity has a more complicated relationship to abortion, for reasons that I'll go into in a bit, but for now let's just note that there very much were ancient Christians who believed abortion was morally permissible at least some of the time. Before the 19th century CE, first-trimester abortion was widely practiced and was legal under common law throughout the English speaking world, including the US and UK.

The reason I bring all of this up is because the political debate over abortion isn't really that old, and the debate tends not to actually be about the morality of abortion as an act so much as it is a proxy for other issues. The first backlash against abortion in the English Speaking world was in the 19th century, and was a direct reaction to the women's rights movement, which was starting during that time. In the US, anti-abortion laws began to appear as early as the 1820s, but picked up in earnest by the late 1860s. These laws were introduced for many reasons, including the fact that abortions were being provided by untrained people who were not members of medical societies and concerns about the safety of abortifacients. By 1900, abortion was a felony in every US state, but they continued to become increasingly available. By the 1930s, licensed physicians performed an estimated 800,000 abortions a year.

Jumping forward a little bit, let's talk about the history of abortion in the US just before Roe v. Wade. It's estimated that in the 50s and 60s, between 200,000 to 1.2 million abortions were being performed per year, even though they were illegal. Throughout that same time, the second wave feminist movement was growing, and was increasingly advocating for birth control and liberalized abortion laws. As a reaction to second wave feminism, a number of anti-abortion organizations, primarily led by Catholic institutions, cropped up to mobilize against the legalization of abortion. It should be noted that, at the time, abortion was not an issue for evangelical Christian groups. In the 1960s, 17 states legalized abortion for a variety of different circumstances. Then in 1973, Roe v. Wade happens, ruling that a pregnant woman has the right to choose to have an abortion without excessive government restriction. The ruling was 7-2 in favor of legalizing abortion. Even after Roe v. Wade, Christian Evangelicals were neutral to positive on the ruling. It's only after 1980 that Evangelical Christians started to organize around abortion as a political issue and joined the Catholics to form what we now think of as the Christian Right. There's a lot to say about that and why that switch happened, but for the sake of brevity, just know that the evangelical backlash against legalized abortion in the US started not as a moral crusade, but as a way of convincing people to vote for Ronald Regan instead of Jimmy Carter (who wanted to de-segregate schools). No political debate happens in a vacuum, and it's important to understand what other factors might have been at play when looking at where these debates come from and how the sides formed.

Culture

Lastly, let's talk a little bit about the cultural impacts of banning or legalizing abortion. The right to have or not have a child is necessary in order for women to achieve equality with men. Countries with high gender equality, such as Iceland, Finland, Norway, New Zealand, and Sweden, also have easily accessible abortion options. Criminalization of abortion disproportionately impacts poor women and women of color, and does nothing to address the systemic issues that may cause them to require abortions in the first place.

Researchers from the WHO and University of Massachusetts found that banning abortion is an inefficient way to reduce abortion rates; in countries where abortions were restricted, the number of unintended pregnancies actually increased, and the proportion of unintended pregnancies ending in abortion also increased. When abortion is banned, women aren't not having abortions; they're having illegal abortions that are done unsafely.

There is also some evidence to suggest that legalized abortion actually decreases crime rates. 20 years after the legalization of abortion in the US, there was an unprecedented nationwide decline of the crime rate (including murders, incidentally). The drop in crime is thought by some to be a result of the fact that individuals who had a higher statistical probability of committing crimes (people who grew up as unwanted children in poverty) were not being born.

Which brings me to my next point- the majority of people who are "pro-life" (at least in the US) aren't really pro-life. They're pro-birth. If they were truly pro-life, they would be interested in making sure that all of those babies had their needs met after they're born. They would be interested in making sure those babies can lead long, healthy, safe, and productive lives. They would be for universal healthcare, expanded social safety nets, parental leave from jobs, universal basic income, raising the minimum wage, mandated vacation time, increasing funding for public schools, decriminalizing drugs, abolishing prisons or at least reforming the police. They would be against the death penalty (ironically, some of them are actually for the death penalty for women who have had abortions), and for increased access to birth control, comprehensive sex-ed in schools, increased gun legislation, against war and nuclear weapons, for enforced mask wearing to prevent people from needlessly dying from a global pandemic... but those issues don't factor into their "pro-life" stance. They're for "the baby gets born and then has to pull itself up by its bootstraps like the rest of us."

Closing Thoughts

Look. I'm not super jazzed about abortions. I understand how they can feel like an ethical issue. I think we should do what we can to reduce the number of abortions that are performed- teaching comprehensive sex-ed in schools, making birth control and emergency contraceptive options widely accessible, letting men know that reversible vasectomies are an option. I think we should make abortion easier to access, so those who do need it can make the decision early in the pregnancy. But I also think that it's a very personal decision, one that's irreversibly life altering, and the person who's going to experience the life altering event should be the one who decides what happens. 65 year old conservative, Christian white men who will never be pregnant (and frequently don't really know how the female body works) shouldn't get to make that decision for them. As someone for whom pregnancy would be life threatening, I want to know that I have options should that situation present itself someday.

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crispy-chan · 3 years

Text

carriwitchet ch.5

pairing | han jisung x reader, 3racha x reader genre/warnings | fluff, angst, high school au, slow burn, friends to lovers, love square word count | 3k a/n | sorry for the long wait. I really have to be in the right headspace for thsi series but i'll try my best to update it more often from now on. also - this chapter is a lil bit sadder than usual. enjoy <3

my masterlist

CHAPTER 5

“Hello there N/n,” Changbin beamed as he ran towards you. (I trolled you all kekeke)

“Oh hi Bin,” you waved at him, as he tackled you into a bear hug. This wasn't unusual in your relationship, the both of you being quite affectionate people. However, the hug was getting a little too long, even for a person like you.

“Ugh, let go. I can’t breathe,” you groaned, patting his back.

After he finally let go of you, you got to have a proper look at him. He definitely dressed up for the occasion. He sported a crisp white button-down (that outlined his toned biceps) tucked into black ripped jeans and topped off the look with his signature high-end cap. Overall, he looked pretty damn handsome. Suddenly, you felt a bit underdressed in your cardigan.

Changbin turned around to find you staring. “Whatcha looking at?” he smirked cheekily.

You immediately blushed and swatted him away, turning around to pretend you were looking at the movie options. It was a stupid move since you guys have already agreed on the movie, but Changbin was thoughtful enough not to call you out on your bullshit.

He must have sensed your discomfort though, because he leaned in and whispered in your ear, “you look really pretty today.”

You felt shivers run down your spine as he said that and felt a soft blush stain your cheeks. You pushed that thought out of your mind, focusing on securing a spot in the line so you could purchase your tickets.

Changbin looked amused at your antics but gracefully decided to drop it. Both of you approached the counter and asked for the tickets. You agreed on two back-row middle seats but argued for a while on who should pay.

“Stop being ridiculous Y/n, I'm taking you to the movies for your birthday so you're not gonna pay.”

“Oh come on, I can just pay for my own ticket,” you tried to protest but Changbin was already swiping his card on the terminal.

“No. I'm paying and that's final.”

You wanted to further object but decided to drop it at the unamused expression of the part-timer behind the counter. You didn't want to be kicked out after all and the annoyed whispers of the people behind you led you to simply drop it.

You reached the minibar and started to roam over the menu.

“Do you want to buy popcorn?” Changbin inquired, smiling at your apparent excitement.

“Of course. What's going to the movies without having popcorn?” you laughed as you stuck your hand in your pocket, struggling to pull out your wallet.

Changbin frowned at that, not liking that you wouldn't just let him pay so he put his hand over yours, halting your movements.

“Come on,” he whined, “just let me pay, ok? I invited you as a birthday present so the least I can do is actually pay for it.”

You groaned at that but finally agreed, albeit begrudgingly. Whiny Changbin was actually pretty cute.

Wait for what?

“Fine but I'm paying next time, ok?”

Changbin just shot you a wink and a sing-songy “maybe,” as he went up to the counter and ordered one extra-large popcorn and two medium sodas.

He pulled out his wallet and took out his credit card before swiping it over the terminal. Damn, why did guys always look ten times more attractive when paying by card? That must have been surely the mystery of the century. After grabbing the order, he pulled you in the direction of where your movie was being played.

“So, are you scared?” he teased.

“Oh shut up Bin! I'm sure it can't be that bad, right?”

“Well good thing you've got me to protect you,” he chortled.

“In your dreams.”

“Which seats do we have again?” you asked while climbing up the stairs.

“Twenty-seven and eight,” he read from the tickets.

You finally got to your seats, placing the popcorn on the floor for a moment before shuffling around to sit properly, lifting the popcorn from the floor, and placing the sodas in the cup holders on the armrests.

“Don't forget to turn off your phone,” you reminded Changbin while pulling out your own to not disturb anyone.

“Your right, thanks.”

The lights in the room slowly dimmed as all the ads started to run. After about ten minutes, you were feeling a little tired as you absentmindedly leaned your head on Changbin's shoulder. The boy was startled at first but cracked a smile at your zoned-out expression. When the movie started, he gave you a light nudge to get you to focus on the screen.

You whipped your head up in surprise, your cheeks heating up at you slip up as you quickly sat back, eyes directly on the movie. Changbin internally chuckled at your flustered state, redirecting his gaze at the screen too.

The movie was actually quite interesting, save for the occasional jumpscares that scared the shorts out of you. During one of the scenes, you could tell that the main character was walking straight into a trap and you really didn't want to witness it.

“Oh god, why is he going there?” you whined, “isn't it obvious that she's there and that she'll kill him.”

You couldn't stand it anymore, almost launching yourself onto Changbin's lap (while doing some gymnastics to get around the armrest in between you) as you pressed your head into his chest to drown out the movie completely.

“Why did I even agree to this in the first place?” you moaned, “I should have said no.”

Changbin had a hard time suppressing his chuckles at your adorableness. He'd never tell you this but he was actually glad whenever you snuggled up to him. At this rate, he was afraid though that the movie might be too much for you so he slightly nudged your shoulder.

“What?” you whispered, looking up at him with those big eyes. “Just that, you know - if it's too much, we can leave and go get ice cream or something,” he muttered, his palm going to brush some stray locks of your hair behind your ear.

You felt your heart skip a few beats at the gesture, choosing to snuggle back into his arm to avoid his intense gaze.

“I'm fine Bin, sorry for… sorry for acting like this. I should be fine now,” you smiled, moving away from him and sitting back in your seat. Embarrassment started to creep on you with how you just behaved. You hoped that Changbin didn't think you were too weird after this.

The rest of the movie went rather smoothly, none of the jump scares being nearly as frightening as the previous one. Changbin still did reach out to hold your hand whenever he sensed something even mildly alarming.

When the final credits rolled, the both of you started to pick up your stuff, heading out of the dim room while chatting about the movie.

“Look, I'm sorry for all that,” you started nervously, “but please don't tell anyone. I'd never live it down if they catch wind of it.”

He smirked at the display of you begging him like that but after seeing how worried you were, he decided to drop it.

“Don't worry N/n, I won't tell anybody. Besides, why would I share something as cute with the rest? This is now a thing between you and me only,” he smirked.

“Okok, that's enough,” you said firmly, not wanting to talk about it anymore, “let's go get something to eat.”

------

You entered the cozy cafe and took a seat near the window in a quiet corner. You scanned the menu, getting a little too immersed in choosing what you want as you completely zoned out when the waiter came to take your order.

“N/n,” Changbin flicked your forehead lightly to bring you back to earth. “What do you want to order?” he asked, pointing to the waiting part-timer who was slowly losing his patience.

“Oh. sorry, I'll have the latte and a matcha pudding, please,” you murmured, hoping the boy heard you. Luckily, he did as he scribbled down your order and briskly walked away.

You sighed, hating yourself for spacing out like that and making a fool of yourself. You were zoning out all day and you didn't know why. Maybe it was because of the movie - you were quite scared after all, no point denying that but you had this underlining feeling.

After finishing your drinks, Changbin walked you to the bus stop (insisting it was late already, and you shouldn't walk alone) and thanked you for coming with him.

“Seriously. Bin, stop,” you chuckled, “why are you thanking me? I should be thanking you. It was lovely, I didn't realize I needed this but I actually really did. I had lots of fun, and I hope you too.”

“Of course I had fun N/n. As long as I'm with you, I’ll always have fun,” he patted your head with a wink, shooting you the finger guns as he walked away.

You were still laughing about it as you got on the bus, his corniness proving to be really funny as always. You realized you actually missed some of his stupid jokes, the momentary separation between you two suddenly seeming way pettier.

You softly hummed the melody of For You. Again. But you just couldn't help it, the song had such a calming effect on you. It was your go-to song when you were stressed, anxious, or overwhelmed with school. And hey, who knows? Maybe there really are blessings waiting for you.

Getting off the bus, you walked the short walk home and rummaged for your keys. After stepping in, you made your way to the bathroom. You jumped in the shower, feeling ready to wash off all the sweat and lather yourself in that coconut body lotion.

------

On Monday morning, you walked into the school building, exhausted from just going up the few steps. You didn't get much sleep last night, opting for preparing for that chemistry exam even though it was on Thursday.

You see, chemistry was never exactly your forte. That's why you had mad respect for everybody that understood it, which was unironically about half of your friend group. Felix and Jisung were absolute chem and bio whizzes, making you wonder if they ate workbooks for breakfast. On top of that, Iris was also quite good which left only you, Mei, and sometimes Changbin to stick together

It was quite painful watching everyone understand the lecture and later not study at all, only for them to get a better grade than you, who had studied for three hours every day a week before the exam. You learned to suppress those feelings, not wanting to come off as rude, it wasn't their fault after all that you just couldn't beat those damn formulas into your head.

Chemistry today was especially hard, the teacher dividing you into pairs and handing you worksheets to complete with your partner.

You were paired up with Changbin, who usually fared better than you but today, he was none the wiser.

“God damn, I have no clue how to do this,” he cursed under his breath, scanning the handout with visible distaste.

You laughed at his antics, going through your backpack to find your notebook. “Neither do I but I think we should manage with the help of my notes.”

“Yeah, your notes are a literal lifesaver, thanks.”

You plopped the notebook on the desk, opening it and turning the pages to find the needed material.

With the help of your trusty notes, the two of you managed to complete the paper, even finishing before the bell rung and giving you some time to chat.

You left the classroom with a smile, feeling like you probably won't fail the next exam.

If you just put enough time into preparation, you could maybe even scrape an A. Today was Monday - that meant that you still had three days left to prepare. You studied for three hours yesterday, familiarizing yourself with the theoretical part of the topic. Now all that was left was to not forget it and go through the formulas to make sure you could build the proper equations.

Let's say you could cram in about two and a half hours of studying every day until Thursday. With that much dedication, you could likely do pretty well. While you were counting in your head and mentally planning out study sessions, Jisung ran up to you from behind and scared the shorts out of you.

“Wassup, N/n. Wanna hang out?” he put his arm around your shoulder and playfully nudged your side.

“No Jisung,” you threw his arm off, speeding in the direction of your locker, “sorry but not this week.”

When you saw his pouty face, you patted his hair and added, “the chemistry exam. I need to study as much as I can.”

“How come you didn't ask for help? I can tutor you if you want, I know how you despise chemistry.”

“Thanks for the offer, but I'll have to decline, Sung. I want to manage on my own.”

“I see,” he murmured, “that sounds a lot like you, actually,” he crinkled his nose and laughed. “See you tomorrow then.”

“Bye,” you waved at his retreating figure. Maybe you should have taken up on his offer. He was really good at chemistry, after all. You blinked, thinking about what would happen if you agreed, wouldn't do you any good. Plus, Jisung was a busy guy, he had a lot of things on his mind and you didn't want to bother him so it was better you declined.

You trudged your way home, entering your room and slamming the door shut. It was going to be a long day. Opening your notebook with a sigh, you started to go over the stuff for the n-th time. Oh, how you wished you were good at science. The stuff just didn't come easily to you and you had no idea why. You tried everything! All the methods there were but you could just never figure it out until you studied for hours. Maybe that's what you needed to do? Just suck it up and study some more.

You were about to just do that but the sudden clang made you put down your notes for a second. And then you heard it. The beginnings of a loud argument that brewed between your parents almost every day. They always fought over the pettiest things like who put the dishes in the wrong place in the dishwasher? Who left their cup on the table? Where was the remote?

Whenever you heard someone raise their voice, you could feel your thoughts spiral down the deep end. It was like this trigger that sent your thoughts to this dark place. Blocking out the noise, you picked up your notebook and tried to concentrate on studying as to distract yourself. That's something you really needed at the moment.

At ten pm, you decided you had enough. Standing up to stretch your sore limbs, you threw on a pair of leggings and a t-shirt, not even bothering to brush your teeth as you made a dive for your bed.

It was a dreamless night.

------

The next morning, you practically moved on autopilot. Pulling on your clothes and shoving breakfast down your throat, you left the house without even bidding your parents goodbye. You ran to the bus stop and pulled out your headphones to listen to some music.

“Yeah I know, we know If it's you, you can do it, ayy Don't give up, oh no You persevered up until now What's the worry? Believe in yourself”

That helped a lot. It calmed your racing heart and gave you hope. You struggled with some pretty harsh thoughts and just bottled it up because you didn't feel like you had anyone to talk to. Listening to their songs provided at least a little comfort and let you somehow channel this stuff out of your system.

------

The day at school was pretty uneventful, you were only assigned an English essay and a few math equations. Nothing you couldn't handle.

It must have shown that you didn't sleep too well, many of your friends asking if you were okay at the sight of the black circles under your eyes. You bit back a sob and tried to patiently assure them with a fake smile that everything was indeed okay. That you just binged a Netflix show till four am and were tired.

They all bought it.

Except for Jisung.

He watched you like a hawk for the entire day, being extra kind and doing little things for you here and there to better your mood. You appreciated his efforts, you really did but no amount of candies and encouraging little notes would make you forget the upcoming exam as well as the stress piling up on your shoulders.

After class, you skipped lunch and went straight to your locker so you could leave as soon as possible without anyone noticing you.

“Oh hey, Y/n. Wanna grab lunch together?” Changbin smiled at you before bending down to tie his shoelaces.

Shoot. You completely forgot that Changbin didn't have lunch in the canteen on Tuesdays. You racked your brain for possible excuses, before eventually settling on the lamest one.

“Sorry, I have to study for chem. I'll probably just get something to go near my place.”

With an apologetic expression, you backed out of the hall, and almost ran to the exit with a quiet “bye” thrown in the confused boy's direction.

You ran down the cobblestone path, ignoring the grumbling of your stomach. When you told Changbin you'd get something near your place, you were lying. You figured there wasn't time to spare and you planned to invest every second possible into preparing for the exam. You knew it was wrong, to skip meals and lock yourself in your room for hours but you didn't know any better. Every time, you told yourself it was the last time you'd pull a stunt like that but as they say...old habits die hard.

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zuffer-weird-girl · 4 years

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Hi! Can I request scenario with dabi and reader have first fight and he gets mad and slap her then realise what happened and try to apologise I just want some angst if it's ok with you Author-chan 👉👈 also sorry for my bad english and hope you are doing great ❤

Im all for the angsty and sees the man goes "shit I fucked up"

Stressful days weren't exactly rarity on his life. He had manage to deal with those over the years. But today seemed just the type of when life doesn't gove you lemons, but instead they fucking squezze the lemons on your eyes.

He was out of patience and he just locked himself on his office as a clear sign for NO ONE to enter and to not disturb him.

Well, unfortunately you hadn't gotten the message. Your intentions were pure and come crom your heart, but he really wasn't willing to listen to anyone, instead succumb on his anger until himself calms down.

But as the stubborn you were, you stayed. Willing to facebthe danger of his wrath... but never would you two expect something like that to happen.

He REALLY didn't mean it. He swear to God and for his whole life that when he extended his hand he didn't saq himself beating you... his anger immediately went down and was replaced with horror as he stared with wide eyes at yourself... wide eyes at the ground and holding your cheek.

God, what have he done?

He didn't carw how he stittered your name or how weak he sounded and looked when he tried to extend his hand, still on the air, at you... yet you took a step back, one hand in front of you to prevent him to come any closer.

"N-no. Is okay.. just-just stay back..." you whimpered, hand shaking on the air as you still holded your hand on your cheek, his heart clenching when he saw the drops of tears start to run down from your eyes to the wooden floor.

"Please (Y/n) at least let-"

"N-Not today Chisaki." You gagged, hand lowering down showing the red mark on your face and making him feel sick to the stomach as his hives appeared. "I need to-to... to take some air." You stormed your way out of his office and he only manage to step out of his office to see the looks of some subbordinates looking still at the way you ran out.

It didn't helped one bit when Kurono send him a look that was the perfect mix of dissapointment and worry before running after you, some precepts decided not to spare a glance while the others who had the courage, send him dirty looks before returning to their activities.

He scoffed before slamming his office's door before sitting on the ground without a care and gripping on his hair tightly as the images replayed on his mind to torment him even further.

"What the fuck did I just do?" He gritted between teeth as he started to feel his mask getting wet....

"Give her time. She just went out for a walk." Chrono said from his seat as Kai continued to stare blankly at the hand he used to hurt you.

"... she went out alone." It was suppose to be a question, but he knew better.

"She needed some space." Kurono mumblex before crossing his arms and frowning at his friend "What happened inside here anyway?"

"And why the fuck do you need to know?" He growled as he conteolled himself to not just burst i to a fit of self hate.

"Just trying to help." The white haired man sighed as he uncrossed his arms and got up from his seat "So?"

"I fucking slapped her Hari!" He shouted, slamming his fists on his desk and accidentally overhauled his gloves "I fucked up! I hurt her! SATISFiED?!" He send one of his most threatening glares at Kurono who even flinched a bit. He scoffed burring his face on his hands.

"Get out... please." Hari furrowed his eyebrows at that but sighed and let his friend be as he closed the door.

Not even two minutes later a knock echoed on his office. He growled to himself before preparing to curse the person out before he froze at seing Pops entering.

"You keep acting like that and you will may never get that woman's heart back my boy. Is your choice."

The elder's words echoed on his head as he controlled his body to not just sob at the thought. Pops noticed yet the state of mind Chisaki was. Sighing, the old man took a seat besides his successor.

"What leaded you to that?"

"I don't know!" He wanted to shout but instead it came out as a whisper "It wasn't ever my intention to hit her-! I just was in a bad mood and then she wanted to help me but I... I.." he burried his face on his hands again with a sigh, looking at the ground with a sorrow expression.

"Chisaki, what you did was bad for sure... But knowing how much you love that girl and how she loves you back, hopefully she will understand. But the wound won't cure itself instantly, it takes time to heal something like that, but if you really cherish and love (Y/n), you will prove to her and won't see a problem on giving her space.."

"... I want to die." The browhaired man admitted as the elder furrowed hsi eyebrows even more "I want to punch myself into bleeding to show her that I-"

"That won't do." He interrupted with a hand on his hair messing up his cut "Kid, stop being so radical and just be patient." The eldrr smiled before getting up and stopping by the door "Give her time and apologize, prove to her that won't happen again, and treat her like yourself call her Kai, an angel." He smirked at the surprised look Chisaki gave him before getting out.

Walking in circles in his room, he kept scratching at the skin of his forearm... the event happened early in the morning and it was already 10 pm.... he hadn't heard of you of all day except for Kurono and Pops assuring him you were safe... but het the feeling of drag and bitter on him never eased up...

He eventually gave up on walking and just opted to sit down, still scracthing at his arm until he hissed, noticing that from all that scrarch on his hives it started to bleed. He looked at it bluntly before using his quiro to put the skin back together... then started to scratch again...

He knew that wasn't to pay back what he had done to you... but het his mind wouldn't just leave him at peace. Why would if on the first place afterwhat he had done?

The creak of the door made him stop breathing for a second... soft footsteps echoing on the room as you without a word walked towards the batgroom and closed the door.

He couldn't take this anymore... he knows he should give you time but hell, this was just torture.

The moment you stepped out of the bathroom after you showered you yelped a bit at seing Kai waiting right in front of you.

Quietly he lifted his hand and furrowed his eyebrows in dusgusta at himself when you flinched a bit and hesitantly took a step back.

"I won't... please let me just.." je wordless grabbed your hand as it was about to break at any moment before his knees gave up and kneeled on the ground.

"What the-? K-Kai-?"

"Forgive me." He grabbed your hand on his both ones as he lowered his head for you to not see how pathetic he looked "For everything I did, for crying out loud for me being me just forgive my stupid ass self (y/n)! Im so sorry!"

Your eyes widened in shock at the man beneath you, clenching on your hand as his life depended on it.

"I will do anything for you to forgive me angel I swear to god if I ever dare ro lift a hand to you again I will let everyprecept of thsi room to beat me up!"

"Hey." You cooed hesitantly yet worried no less... Chisaki was no way a man of begging, but letting someone else touch him? That was too out of character fo him

"Please... I will do anything to earn your trust back..." you kneeled on the ground to look at his eyes to just be shocked as well to see his golden eyes puffy with tears "Forgive me.." he whimpered as he lowered his mask to show you his whole face.

You frowned at that before pecking his lips, feeljng his hand come to the back of your neck and the other surround around your waist to pull you closer to him.

After the kiss broke, you shaked your head with a smile as you two regained your breath. This time you lifted one hand of your and cupped his cheek.

"Like I said earlier, is okay... I shouldn't had poked you when you wanted to be alone Kai."

"That gives me no right to ever hurt you... I didn't know what the hell was I doing on the first place (Y/n)." He lowered his head to rest forehead with yours.

"Is okay Kai." You nuzzled his nose with yours, giggling at how je scrunched his face a bit "I forgive you."

He let out a sad chuckle before picking you up in bridal style, enjoying how you yelped in glee and circled your arms on his neck as he sitted with you on the mastress.

You let go of his neck but hsi arms curcled your waist and pushed you against him even more, preventing you to go as he burried his face on the crook of your neck.

You sighed, running one hand of yours through his hair.

".. but really, do that again and I will do worst than just leave you." You said on a serious tone as he could only sigh and nod on your skin.

"It will never happen again..." he mumbled in your skin as he nuzzled even further "But I do understand if you need space from now on..." he said in sadness, enjoying your embrace and touches like they were the last he would receive.

"... maybe some days off?" You offered and he shvirred at the thought of not having you for more than a day.

"... where?"

"I dunno." You mumbled while tracing your fingers on his hair before smirking "Where do you want to go?"

The way he looked at you, eyes wide with both eyebrows up made you giggled.

"Didn't you want some alone time?" He asked as if you were crazy.

"Yeah I meant that. But a breaj from your work would be great, am I wrong?" You tilted your head as he let out a chuckle before hugging you close.

"You're ridiculous.... that means we are alright?" He asked with hopes up.

"We're gonna be."

#bnha villains #bnha #bnha characters #bnha x reader #bnha imagine #chisaki kai #chisaki kai x reader #overhaul x reader #overhaul #fanfic overhaul #my writing #zuffer writings

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im-the-punk-who · 3 years

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Hey, I was wondering if you have a book rec

Okay so in full disclosure, I have a really hard time reading books. My brain sometime around six years ago just decided that wasn't its style anymore, so I don't read a TON. A lot of these aren’t going to be recent releases. However, here are a bunch of books I would absolutely recommend checking out! I tried to include a variety of genres but I have uh.....five bookshelves in my apartment so if you're looking for more of a certain genre let me know!

Theatre:

Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Dead - Tom Stoppard

Waiting for Godot - Samuel Beckett

These are my two favorite plays - they're both absurdist, humorous, and have some fun things to say. They’re both by old white guys but like....I love both Tom Stoppard and Samuel Beckett DEEPLY and they have all of my love and respect.

Non-Fiction/Educational:

Why are all the Black Kids Sitting Together in the Cafeteria by Beverly Daniel Tatum - this is considered a 'classic' on the psychology of racism, and was particularly helpful for me as a white person in arming myself against 'reverse racism' thoughts and in dissembling my own prejudices. This is mostly a rec for other white folks, but Tatum also addresses 'having the courage to sit at the black table' as a way of claiming your own identity outside of the stereotypes the dominant society expects of you.

Daring Greatly by Brene Brown - Okay listen I just really REALLY love Brene Brown, she is a therapist most famous for her TED talk about Vulnerability and this is just...listen I really like to read this book when I am sad and feel like shit because it makes me feel strong. I reread this book at least once a year.

Imagined Communities by Benendict Anderson - This is an absolutely fascinating read on the rise of nationalism. It’s a bit dry and wordy, but the ideas and use of history as propaganda, spinning the story of a nation to pit it against or on the same side as other nations, and the ways in which these tactics shaped cultural history is just!!!! Amazing.

Gay New York by George Chauncey - This is just one of the most informative and interesting reads of queer history in New York that I’ve ever come across. It’s one of the ‘must reads’ of queer history and has so many interesting tidbits that I have to recommend it. It’s a bit old(published in 1994) but I still find it relevant and interesting to read.

Personal Fiction/Autobiographical Fiction

White Girls by Hilton Als - I went to a reading of this book when it first came out. It was so much fun and so eye-opening for me as a baby queer in NYC that I bought the book there. I wanna be really clear that Als does not pull punches and a lot of people don’t quite like it, but I love Als’ style of writing. The stories and essays in this book are amazing and funny and heartbreaking and informative of queer experience - particularly black queer experience - that I always feel like...honored? to experience through writing? This is one of those ‘you’re gonna suffer but you’re gonna be happy about it’ reads - it can be hard to face because of how very hard the pills are to swallow but like....gosh I just love this book and it’s interesting and hilarious and great.

Confessions of an Economic Hitman by John Perkins - this is my tin hat favorite. It hits....ugh. This is one of those books that came out and like every government agency freaked the fuck out over it. It’s an interesting look into the quote-unquote dark underbelly of capitalism; how and why countries manipulate each other through economic policies. Super interesting read with a nice style of prose.

The Know-It-All: One Man's Humble Quest to become the Smartest Person in the World by A.J. Jacobs Okay so full disclosure I have not finished reading this, but I’m far enough through to rec it. This book chronicles the author’s attempt to read the entire Encyclopedia Brittanica from front to back, and it is just as kooky and hilarious as it sounds. I am very incredibly and deeply offended this author stole both my schtick and my initials, thereby preventing me from doing this exact thing. I read through the phone book in its entirety when I was three. I had it in me. Anyway, this is basically the author just listing weird interesting facts he’s read about and connecting them to his daily life, but it’s a fun read, and you learn a lot of totally useless facts, which is absolutely my jam.

When Skatboards Will Be Free by Saïd Sayrafiezadeh - HI I LOVE THIS BOOK. I’ve read it maybe three times over. It’s so fun and interesting. You may notice that a lot of the books I rec are very absurdist in their humor, and this is no exception. This book is full of the dry wit and just weird goddamn shit you could only expect from the child of a revolution that never came. You want to read a book about someone who Went Through Shit? Read this book. It’s funny and heartbreaking and just. AHHHH. Seriously I cannot recommend this enough.

Hyperbole and a Half by Allie Brosch - FIGHT ME ON THIS. I love this book.....so much. Yes it’s technically a comic book but the stories are so INTERESTING and hilarious and full of exactly the dry absurdist humor I eat the fuck up. Also! Allie Brosch recently released a sequel of sorts called Solutions and Other Problems that I recommend without even reading it.

Poetry

Pansy by Andrea Gibson - IF YOU ARE NOT READING THE POETRY OF ANDREA GIBSON WHAT ARE YOU EVEN DOING WITH YOUR LIFE. I cried seven times reading this book. There are only like 14 poems. Please please read this to break your own queer heart :)

Bloodsport by Yves Olade - This is a tiny book full of absolutely devastating poetry. Most of it has to do with the grief of relationships, but like....gosh I love all of Olade’s stuff. (Also!! This is available as a pay-what-you-wish pdf!!)

Bright Dead Things by Ada Limón - This book focuses a lot on the author’s experiences of loss, and knowing that loss is going to happen. I’m completely devastated every time I read this.

Science Fiction/Fantasy

The Bartimeaus Sequence by Jonathan Stroud - So what if I am a dumb millennial I love this series. It’s another dry and deadpan humor, with weird additions and Stroud’s use of footnotes to absolutely crack me the fuck up means I gotta rec this. I just gotta. Four(I think?) books following the deeply unlikeable Nathaniel and his Djinn Bartimaeus, who just wants to eat humans and have a deeply enjoyable enemies to lovers plotline with his arch rival.

The Magic's Price Trilogy by Mercedes Lackey - Okay I know I’ve recced this before. I will rec it again. This was the very first series I ever read that featured a gay protagonist and I was. Devastated? Reformed? I latched onto Vanyel Ashkevron and I am never letting this depressed emo boy go. Try me, I bite. Seriously, this book was released in the 80s and yet it is still relevant, I still cry - god i LOVE this series SO MUCH. And, MERCEDES LACKEY actually invented unbury your gays, sorry I make the rule on that one. :) Also there are magic talking horses??????? Seriously please read this series I love it so much.

Fire Bringer & The Sight by David Clement-Davies - This is another series that was absolutely formative in my baby lexicon. These are books about magical animals and their inner societal workings and both books address the ideas of good, evil, darkness, compassion and good will, and destiny. I am obsessed with these books, they are some of the most interesting of the genre I’ve read, and so incredibly intricately written. LOVE these books.

Vampire Earth Series by E. E. Knight - The Witcher before it was cool. Sort of but like...there are schools of Cat, Bear, etc and it has COOL VAMPIRES I LOVE THSI SERIES. Basically, earth has been taken over by a race of alien ‘Vampires’ and follows a human involved in the resistance. The writing in this series is...wow. It’s so intricate and interesting and involved. I own the whole series because I love it so much, including the after-series hardback novels. I’m so messy and I love it.

Kindred by Octavia Butler - You know how people are like ‘YOU SHOULD READ OCTAVIA BUTLER!!’ ? You should absolutely do that. This novel is mindblowing and interesting and the pace and narrative are so so so interesting. Heartbreaking, god, horrific. Butler is an amazing writer and this novel, while my personal favorite, is not by any means the only of her books I would recommend. STORIES. STORIES!!!!!!!

Fiction

The Ballad of Barnabas Pierkiel: A Novel by Magdalena Zyzak - This book is so fucking good. It’s imaginative, funny, intelligent....it’s honestly one of the best fiction novels I’ve ever read. Again, dry, absurdist humor, this book sort of reminds me of Terry Pratchett’s style of writing.

The Call of the Wild by Jack London - This is a classic, a true classic. The social commentary of this book is so so good, London’s style flows and, personally, as a dog and animal expert, the anthropomorphisation of Buck and his fellow animals is just so well done. I love this book, it’s quite an easy read, and I reread it at least once a year.

Rolling the R's by R. Zamora Linmark - Okay. Okay okay!!!!!! I gotta take a deep breath about this one. This book is. Yuh. This is a bit younger leaning than the other fictions, focusing almost entirely on high school level characters, however the experiences and commentary is just so so good. Focusing on a diverse group of characters growing up in Hawaii in the 1970′s, this book addresses the intersectionalities of gender, sexuality, race, immigration, education, and how we define who we are. I’m obsessed.

A Separate Peace by John Knowles - A heartbreaking novel about war, innocence, adolescence, and how we hide from our truths. It’s...so good, this book hurts me a LOT okay. The prose is phenomenal, the story is poignant, and it feels like I’m ripping my own heart out with a fishhook every time I finish it.

The Toss of a Lemon by Padma Viswanathan - This is one of those books I half recommend because it’s so good, and half because of the deep wealth of knowledge it presents the reader. The author’s use of her own culture is just....goddddddddd. Intricate and interesting and so delicately included in the narrative that you can feel the love the author has for it. It’s a long read and it took me almost a month to get through reading every day, but god. It’s so soft and amazingly written I both wanted to read it all at once and take my time with it. This is another one that deals with the duality of humanity and how we connect with one another. Ahhhhhhhhh!!!!

P.S. Your Cat Is Dead by James Kirkwood Jr. - I love this book I love this book I LOVE THIS BOOK. It’s fucking hilarious, entertaining, I literally laughed out loud at every single chapter. Hilarious and poignant and surprisingly deep, this book literally follows the journey of a man in which literally everything that could go wrong does. It’s fucking hilarious.

I hope that helped and gave you some new books!!! <3

#long post #book recs #milo writes

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marvelsmalfoy · 3 years

Text

prove them right w/ron weasley

summary: granger!reader with the help of Ron, goes to a muggle shelter to do some charity work

a/n: so it’s my first fic, and im sorry if it’s not that good. regardless, thsi is for day 27 of a very harry potter christmas ( from @jamilelucato and @whack-ed), girls i know im little late, sorry. oh, and thanks @jamilelucato for the tips on how to write a fic.

it was Hermione’s idea to reunite the friends for somewhat of a muggle charity work. it was the first Christmas season after the war, and she said that you needed to be around people that were happy and hadn’t gone through a war like the rest of you.

you loved your big sister, but sometimes she had some crazy ideas that not even you were able to understand. nonetheless, there you were, three days before Christmas, waiting for everyone to show up at the entrance of a muggle elderly shelter, almost freezing.

“oh, hi, y/n,” said the (not officially) main reason for you being there.

Ron Weasley was standing next to you, wearing a jeans jacket with a jumper, with a cap that covered almost all of his ginger hair, except for the front part that was growing more than his usual hairstyle would allow.

“hi-i,” you had no idea if you stuttered because of the cold or because of the boy, but it was something in between.

“where’s Hermione?” he asked, placing his hands inside the pockets of the jean jacket.

“she wanted to get more food,” you told him, slowly tilting your head towards him, not even noticing you were doing so. “I don’t know why she didn’t already have more — it was all her idea after all.”

“maybe she changed her mind,” said the ginger, “she does that quite a lot.”

there was something about this habit of Harry and Ron that they’d talk to you about your sister like they knew her better. you supposed they knew her in ways you didn’t, but that could not possibly make them comprehend her better.

“where’s everybody?” he asked again, this time, though, the question hurt you a bit.

you had a crush on Ron since Hermione introduced him to you. well, actually, you fancied him before you even had a face to go with the name. when Hermione send you letters about her adventures with the ginger, your heart just melted a little. and you were only ten.

your feelings for him only grew greater with time, and it didn’t help that he was always around you and your family. you were also always around his family — becoming best friends with Ginny Weasley can do that to a person.

but it was just a platonic thing. Ron didn’t know about it — at least you hoped to have been discreet enough.

so, of course, it probably was uncomfortable for Ron to be alone in a cold street alone with you and a bunch of presents that you held in the bag your sister prepared.

“dunno,” you shrugged, “Harry and Ginny were coming together — it was what Ginny told me anyway.”

Ron turned to face you, and you felt your cheeks turn redder than the cold was painting them already.

“uh, I asked if she wanted to come with me,” you didn’t know why you added that information to the conversation, but something about Ron’s eyes always made you speak more than needed.

“they don’t appear to be comin’ any time soon, so maybe we should just get in?” he suggested, raising his shoulders even though his hands didn’t move out of the pockets. “it’s getting real cold out here.”

“guess we should get in,” you agreed, biting, slightly, your lower lip, “I’ve got the presents anyway.”

he laughed at your terrible attempt of sarcasm, and suddenly all the cold in London wasn’t able to take the warm in your heart away.

he walked in first, but not before asking if you wanted help with the bag of presents.

“it’s enchanted,” you said.

“of course it is,” he sighed with a resemblance of a smile.

it felt like the whole thing was an internal joke you didn’t understand, and there were you getting (again) jealous of your sister for being best friends with this gorgeous ginger.

the elderly in the shelter were like angels on Earth. not that you had much experience with angelic mythology, but you suspected angels were kind and smiling beings, just like the elderly you and Ron presented with gifts that night.

must add that you did all the charity on your own, because your sister, Harry and Ginny did not show up. in the first few minutes, you were worried about your friends, but it soon became clear to you and Ron that they probably didn’t want to come up.

to you, something else was pretty clear — they knew. the whole Christmasly situation, with charity work and hot cocoa, along with Ron felt like the type of situation your sister would scheme for you.

not that you had asked — before this night, you thought Hermione had no idea about your feelings. and now, even Harry knew.

oh, Godric, even Ginny knew, and she was, like, Ron’s little sister!

“it’s so nice of you two to give us presents,” said one of the old ladies, sitting by the fire. she had the most beautiful black eyes you had ever seen, so dark but also very tender. “it’s rare to spend a night with the visit of such a young couple.”

your eyes widened immediately, and you didn’t know where to look. instinctively, you glanced at Ron, who gazed at you with the same expression you presumed was on your face.

you raced to explain, “we’re-we- Ron and I are not a couple.”

the granny smiled, her black eyes going from you to Ron.

“such a pity then,” she sighed, “you two would have adorable babies.”

you gulped so hard and so fast, it felt like you swallowed your tongue.

“I suppose Ron’s still gonna have cute babies without me,” you commented, trying to sound superior and evolved, but just covering up the fact that the idea of making babies with Ron crossed your mind now and then ever since you learned how to do it.

the old lady watched as you and Ron interacted with curiosity.

“why do you say that? the very reason our babies would be cute is you,” Ron protested, getting closer to you and sitting by the fire over the rug.

you turned your neck towards the ginger, completely surprised with what he said. you didn’t know if he understood what he was claiming — that you were cute — but you were gonna take it as a compliment anyway.

“me?” you echoed, resisting the urge to place a hand over your heart, “come on, Ron, your babies will be ginger. can you imagine how cutesy?”

“yours will have your pretty big eyes,” he replied, leaning his head.

the conversation dragged on, you two so invested on it, that you didn’t even notice when the old lady responsible for the topic disappeared. later you supposed the woman had intended to be discreet.

within laughs, Ron confided something on you.

“sorry we had to do all the work by ourselves,” he said.

“it was no worry at all,” you replied, swallowing the rest of your laugh, “I didn’t think I’d like it here, but somehow I do? these people are nice.”

Ron noticed how slightly you tried to change the subject, but something was telling him if he wanted to let it out, it was now or never.

“but we shouldn’t have to do it all alone, especially because that was not what we agreed on.”

“hey, Ron, it’s not your fault they didn’t show up,” you stared deep into his eyes, trying to sound as sincere as you could.

if anything, it was your fault. you were the one with a crush.

“well, it actually kind is?” it sounded like a question, but that wasn’t the boy’s intentions. he breathed in and out before continuing. “Harry sat it up. I didn’t ask for it, but he probably thought he was doing me a favour.”

you stared around, taking in the place where you sit. not many old people were around anymore since it was a bit late already.

“a favour? you needed to be in touch with the elderly or something...?”

Ron giggled at your innocence, inclining his head away just a little before completely leaning in.

“I needed some time alone with you,” he explained in a seductive tone.

“oh,” was all your shocked face let out, completely intertwined in Ron’s gaze.

this new information was definitely a three-day-earlier Christmas gift. you never thought Santa Claus was actually gone give it to you, but here you both were, only centimetres away from each other's mouths.

“Harry must’ve asked everyone to not show up,” Ron continued, unsure if your response was positive or not.

“I thought it was my sister the one with the plan,” you said.

“Hermione?” he seemed surprised, “can’t see her helping me get with her little sis.”

you giggled at his mockery.

“she wouldn’t be doing it for you,” you elaborated.

“oh,” he gasped, his mouth forming a pout.

you smiled, “yeah,” and you turned your gaze away from his.

there was an awkward single minute of silence before Ron leaned in again, this time seemingly more confident.

“you know, this only leaves us with two choices,” he said.

“which are?” you opted to not look at him yet. something inside you told you that he wouldn’t be able to finish his sentence if you stared at his eyes.

“prove them wrong,” he said this part with somewhat of disgust, “or prove them right.”

you smiled, finally turning to face him.

“as much as I’d hate to prove Hermione wrong,” you leaned on your knees instead of simply sitting with your legs closed, “this will only be our fault really.”

“yeah? why?”

you placed your hands over his shoulder, suddenly brave enough to do what you always dreamed. but, before, you had to gaze away from him and stare at something above the two of you.

“is it really because of them we kissed if sitting under a mistletoe was our fault?” you teased, smirking pleasurably.

he smirked two, finally moving to place his hands on your waist, and lifting your weight from your knees to his chest.

“our fault entirely,” he played, teasing you before the kiss, “I like the sound of that.”

“me too,” you fluttered your eyelashes at him.

“so...”

“kiss me already, Weasley,” you demanded, and it was all that echoed in the room as the last old lady left to bed, smiling at the young couple.

#ron weasley #a very harry potter christmas #ron wealey x reader #ron weasley x granger!reader #ron weasley imagine #harry potter #hp #ronald weasley #ginny weasley

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kirishimas-manly-eyeliner · 3 years

Note

Okay feel free to ignore this if you want it’s kinda just a huge rant thing about me thinking that my brothers might be racist so uh yeah, debated on being on anon for thsi or not for like ten minutes cause there some real personal stuff here. Kinda been bottling this up for a while and for some reason you seem like a good person to tell it to.

Tw cursing btw

So I’m white, might be a little sprinkle of Cuban but honestly have no idea besides that I’m white as hecc. I have four brothers, I’m also adopted, but because when I was adopted my biological brother wasn’t adopted too because he was already a adult. But my biological brother (just gonna call him bb if I refer to him again) is not white, we have different dads. I’m very much white and he’s black? I don’t really know, never asked and didn’t really see it as something important. I love him for him, his skin color never mattered in that. But if I had to describe it he’s a lighter black, maybe Arabic or Cuban? And most of my friends throughout my whole time living where I do, most of my friends are black, or Hispanic. So, as you can assume, I have lots of sympathy for POC. I have no idea what it’s like and try to support my friend any time they are put down for their skin color. (I may or may not have punch a kid once cause he said a friend of mine was disgusting and should “go back to her sick country” cause she’s a Muslim, apparently the kids grandpa died in 9/11 so liek I guess I can see where it’s from but like, dude……)

So I have three other brother, live with two of them cause the other moved out for college. So, now to the two brother might be racist part. Prepare to be pissed off 👍 /hj . So, when all the protests started at the begging of quarantine, my family talked a bit about it cause we had nothing else to do.

and these two straight, cis, white teens had the damn arrogance to BOTH say that they were “bullied for being white” and yeah, one of them was bullied very bad as a kid, but like??????? No?????? Just, no????? You are a cisgender white straight man????????? Who is considered attractive by most of your peers?????? YOU ARE NOT BULLIED, THERE MIGHT HAVE BEEN TIME WHERE SOMEONE TRIED TO SHAKE SOME SENSE INTO YOUR ASS THAT YOU LITERALLY ARE THE MOST PRIVILEGED PEOPLE IN AMERICA SINCE THE FUCKING BEGINNING AND YOU HAVE THE AUDACITY TO SAY THAT YOUR MADE FUN IF FOR IT??????? WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?????

And MY shy ass didn’t say a damn thing because “it’s not my place to talk, I’m white as heck and have never been made fun of for being white”

And also, “racism it’s the even a big thing anymore”??????? PISSES ME OFF WHEN EVER I THINK OF IT TO NO END

Like, first of all, IF THERE ARE PROTESTS AND PEOPLE ARE BEING KILLED FOR BEING BLACK THEN I THINK RACISM IS STILL A THING !!!!!

Second, YOU ARE A MAN, A CISGENDER MAN!!!! BOTH OF YOU!!!!! MEANWHILE AT THE TIME I WAS STILL CLOSETED SO YOUR SAYING THIS SHIT IN FRONT OF YOUR “SISTER” WHO HAS SAID THAT “SHE” WAS PUT DOWN A NUMBER OF TIMES FOR BEING BIOGRAPHICALLY FEMALE BY BOYS WHO THREW ROCKS AT GIRLS IN FIRST GRADE????? WHO LITERALLY HAS A SCAR FROM A SHARP ROCK THAT WAS THROWN AT MY BACK BY SOME KID IN FIRST GRADE???????

THIRD, YOU ARE CIS GENDER!!!! Hey hey hey, buddy, imagine not being able to go outside without worrying that you’ll get killed while walking to the dollar tree because you drew a non-binary flag on your arm the other day and couldn’t rub it off!!!!! How great does that sound :D /s

Fourth, you are STRAIGHT!!!!!!! BEING THE GAY ONE IN THE FAMILY IS KINDA HARD! And then how much it hurt seeing them make jokes about slapping each other’s asses, and making fun of a kid cause he sounded gay (who literally became homophobic because of it, as a kid he was supportive of it, but now is sorta homophobic because he’s straight and has been made fun of for people thinking he’s gay), TOOK THE “pedophiles are being added to LGBT” FUCKING SERIOUSLY

LIKE, I WASN’T OUT AT THE TIME AND THEY STOPPED MAKING JOKES LIKE THAT AFTER I TOLD THEM, BUT THEY ARE SO HORRIBLE SOMETIMES I SWEAR!!!! I AHVE NO IDEA HOW YHEY GREW TO BE LIEK THIS BECAUSE MY MOM ALWAYS TELLS THEM TO FUCKING STOP BECAUSE ITS OFFENSIVE AND RUDE, AND MY DAD SHOWS THAT HE DOENST LIEK IT EITHER

so that’s my Ted talk, moral of the story, if your a straight white cisgender man stop complaining about it.

tw: racism, homophobia, transphobia

THAT SH!T PISSES ME OFF WTF

(DISCLAIMER: okay y’all, to be clear: i’m in no way bashing anyone who’s straight or cisgender. this is talking about the topic in general and how people have negative influences on others, but it’s not directly related to them being white, straight, and cis-- it’s about the way that they’re handling it and how immature those people are. please don’t be offended if you fit into any of those categories.)

okok, thanks for letting me know all of this info boo! just wanted to let you know that you’re one heck of an amazing person and i think you’re so so strong for still being here. so pls oml, GIVE YOURSELF A PAT ON THE BACK BECAUSE YOU DESERVE IT! and hey, despite all you’ve been through, i can’t stress HOW thankful i am that you haven’t let it get to you. you’re not a cold-hearted and rude person and that just fills me with so much love for you because that’s just such a beautiful thing.

BUT NOW.

THE BROTHERS.

BAE I AM SO SORRY.

now now i’m supposed to be loving and kind to everyone, but this- i- i don’t know how to sugarcoat this.

they are white.

they are cisgender.

and they are men, straight men, at that.

AND THEY HAVE THE AUDACITY TO SAY THAT THEY’VE BEEN BULLIED FOR BEING WHITE??

I JUST BLACKED OUT FOR A SECOND THERE

LISTEN, I KNOW THERE’S BEEN A LOT OF DISCRIMINATION LATELY. THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A VERY SWEET, KIND, AMAZING WHITE GUY GAL OR NONBINARY PAL SAYING THAT THEY GOT BULLIED IN GENERAL? THAT’S OKAY, COMPLETELY OKAY.

BUT IF THEY HAVE ALREADY CROSSED THE LINE MULTIPLE TIMES AND THEN CHOSE TO THINK ABOUT THEMSELVES FOR “being white??” like honey come again, what did they say?? like did someone go to you and say, “yooooo guys, i’m white!” and use their fingers to make their eyes bigger? and yet it’s okay when you, you stupid cis white straight man make your eyes smaller and say “ch*ng ch*ng” and sing it to a bunch of asian kids?? is that what it is to you?

CHERRY I AM SO SORRY WTF THAT MUST BE TERRIBLE

and then.

i am trying so very hard not to scream rn because i can FEEL your pain through this ask.

and tHEN THEY SAY “racism isn’t a big thing anymore.”

...i’m sorry, did i hear you correctly?

racism isn’t a big thing anymore?

RACISM ISN’T A BIG THING ANYMORE???

RIGHT, RIGHT, HOW ABOUT YOU TELL THAT TO THE MILLIONS OF PEOPLE WHO FOUGHT FOR BLM AND ASIAN LIVES AS THEY SCREAMED FOR JUSTICE?? HOW ABOUT YOU TELL THAT TO THE PEOPLE WHO’VE BEEN MURDERED JUST FOR BEING IN THEIR OWN SKIN?? HOW ABOUT YOU TELL THAT TO THE PEOPLE WHO’VE LOST FAMILY AND FRIENDS BECAUSE THEY WERE JUST BEING HUMAN.

AND THEN THEY DON’T RESPECT YOUR PRONOUNS??

i’m literally about to cry right now, that’s so messed up

AND I AM SO SORRY ON BEHALF OF WHAT YOU’RE GOING THROUGH, THIS MUST BE SO ROUGH RIGHT NOW AND I HAVE NO IDEA HOW TERRIBLE THIS MUST BE FOR WHAT YOU’RE GOING THROUGH.

BUT YOU

ARE

STRONG

AMAZING

OVERLORD

AND I AM VERY VERY PROUD OF YOU

FOR FIGHTING AND CONTINUING TO BE KIND TO OTHERS

ILY VERY MUCH AND I THINK YOU’RE A NEAT PERSON, REMEMBER THAT YOU ARE VALID. YOU ARE SO VALID. ILY.

#ellie rants #kme: kirishima-my-beloved

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bangteen · 4 years

Note

Hello 😊😊 So, I’ve been wanting to read something with Taehyun (my utt) and I thought of something like, we are bff but he likes me and accidentally send the reader a message that was suppose to be for other member, talking about how he likes the reader or something like this, and the he have to confess but for his surprise the felling was mutual or something like this, I don’t know if u understood but I would really like it if you please write it ❤️❤️Thank you ❤️❤️

a/n: oooh yay a Taehyun stan!! Hello!! This was such a cute idea!! I don’t do real text aus, but I still hope you enjoy!! Thank you so much for requesting!! 💞

Also,, this is quite different than what I’m used to, and this isn’t really how I picture Taehyun would text but here we go anyway! This was honestly low key inspired by @wooyukh ’s works, so lots of credit goes to her!! Everyone go follow her!! She is literally the sweetest person ever and her text aus DONT DISAPPOINT.

Message Sent | Kang Taehyun

⇥ Summary: bestfriend!Taehyun accidentally texts something he meant to send to another member, to his best friend and crush, Y/N.

⇥ Genre: fluff

⇥ Word count: 550

﹋﹋﹋﹋﹋

Taehyun: So I’ve been thinking

You: And what is it that you’ve been thinking about Taehyun?

Taehyun: I’ve realized I’ve been putting it off for too long and

Taehyun: I have decided

Taehyun: Today will be the day

You: ??

Taehyun: You know

Taehyun: Y/N...

You: Yes?

Taehyun: And me?

You: What about me?

Taehyun: No not you. Me.

Taehyun: and Y/N

You: What?

Taehyun: What do you mean “what”? You know what I’m talking about!

Taehyun: You know, the thing you told me to have the courage to do

Taehyun: Is it starting to ring a bell at all or..?

You: What did I tell you to have the courage to do?

Taehyun: Ok stop messing with me

Taehyun: Seriously

Taehyun: I’m not falling for your stupid tricks anymore

Taehyun: Come on, hurry up. You’re wasting my time

You: Taehyun

You: I don’t know what you’re talking about, but don’t talk to me like that

You: Please

Taehyun: Ok fine! If you really don’t remember then I’ll explain it to you!

Taehyun: Hyung, you even helped me with this. You told me to just be brave and confident and just confess to Y/N already because apparently she oBvIoUsLy LiKeS mE

You: What

You: You like me?

Taehyun: I JUST REALIZED I SENT THIS TO THE WRONG PERSON EHEHEH SORRY JUST IGNORE EVERYBTING I JUST SAID IM SO SORRY

Taehyun: HAHAH YEHA THIS WASNT SUPPOSDD TO HAPPENN

You: Taehyun

You: Taehyun?

You: Hello?

You: Taehyun are you there?

You: TAEHYUN

You: TAEHYUN PLS

You: PLEASE ANSWER ME

You: I need to tell you something :((

Taehyun: Sorry sorry srry I was busy panicking for a sec

Taehyun: Yes?

You: So you like me?

Taehyun: AHHHH DONT MENTION IT IM ASHAMED

You: But Taehyun

Taehyun: What? I’m sorryyyy

Taehyun: I ruined our friendship didn’t I

You: Taehyun, I like you too

Taehyun: I said I’m sorry

Taehyun: Wait

Taehyun: What?

Taehyun: WHAT

Taehyun: WHATTT

Taehyun: SKDJDKDJ WHAT

Taehyun: Wait

Taehyun: Is this really Y/N or is someone else texting me through Y/N’s phone??

Taehyun: Kai, I swear

You: Tae, it’s me

You: It’s Y/N and I like you

Taehyun: SKJDKS YIU JUST SAID IT AGAIN

You: hehe you’re cute

Taehyun: WHAT NO DONT SAY THAT MY HEART IS NOT READY FOR THSI

You: But you’re cute

Taehyun: SKDJSJDJ YOURE CUTER

You: Aww baby :(

Taehyun: DKDJSJ WHAT

Taehyun: I’m

Taehyun: I’m your

Taehyun: Baby? :(

You: Yes you’re my baby and I am your baby

Taehyun: Baby?

You: Yes?

Taehyun: KSDJJS YOU REALLY ARE MY BABY NOW SKDJJDJ

You: You’re so adorable :((

Taehyun: NO STOP MY HEART HAS NEVER DONE THIS KIND OF THING BEFORE

Taehyun: STOP

Taehyun: I wanna experience this in real life when I’m actually with you, talking to you

You: Ok.

You: Wanna

You: Maybe

You: Come over?

Taehyun: Skdjjs is that even a question!?!!!

Taehyun: I’m already on my way

You: Come faster

You: I already miss you :((((

Taehyun: NO DONT BE SAD IM COMING

You: I’m cold and I need your cuddles :(((

Taehyun: NO PLS DONT BE SAD IM COMING AND I WILL CUDDLE YOU RIGHT WHEN I GET THERE

You: The more you text, the longer it’ll take you to actually get here

You: Come quickkkk

Taehyun: Open the door baby. I want cuddles

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cherriesradio · 3 years

Text

Isn’t love meant to be easy? Todoroki

So this is already pretty long and I don’t feel like finishing it so uh yeah.

Warnings: mentions of abuse, forced engagement, bad parents on both sides, one-sided love, mentioned like of musical theater (that’s not really a warning is it lol)

Quirk: Earth. Basically earth bending.

Shoto remebered when he was a kid and his siblings would sneak in books for him. Endeavor being the little jerk he is only let them read books about heros. And only he’s that he saw as “good enough.” Aka the overly arrogant and merciless hero’s. Shoto’s siblings didn’t care what books they brought in, just that it wasn’t revoking around a pro-hero. As long as it would give Shoto and ouce of a normal childhood, unlike them.

He remembers that sometimes, the stories he read in secret would have a romance. The boy and the girl, they would bump into each other. Probably at school. The boy picks up the girls books, their hands touch. And it goes on from there. They eventually confess under a cherry blossom tree, and they kiss. And then live happily ever after.

So, he thought that live would be easy as that. Bumping into each other. Little did he know, love was much more complicated.

You whimpered, scared by how many people were at the party. Even more scared by what your parents told you about this party the day before. You were going to meet a boy, at the same young age as you, and possibly be engaged to him by the end of the night.

Marriage scared you. It’s such a big commitment, yet you had to make the choice in one night? And as a young child as yourself? And knowing how everyone you had meet over the years who were also rich, then it probably wasn’t even going to be your choice. Simply dishonorable.

“Darling, make sure to hold onto my hand. We’re about to meet the boy.” Your mother said. You nodded your head and gulped.

A red and white boy. Around five, the same age as you. He had big eyes. One was grey and the other was icey blue. He looked just as nervous as you, trembling in his perfectly fitting tux.

You looked up, to where your neck would hurt for looking to long. His father probably, was Endeavor. Your parents praised him because he was a big and powerful hero, but he clearly didn’t have a good heart. He look intimidating even without fire bursting from his skin.

“Hello Y/n. I heard you have a powerful quirk. (“Of course he would start with that.” You heard a girl from behind the small boy sigh.)

You gently nodded. You were always told your quirk was powerful. You trained when you wanted but being determined to be a great hero, you trained constantly. When you Frits got your quirk only a year ago it was rather weak, you could barely pick up a rock that weight more then a few pounds. Now you can pick up double your weight.

“Hm. This is my son, Shoto. Shoto, introduce yourself.” The man looked down on Shoto and pat his back, Shoto stepped forward. He was right in front of you.

“My name is Shoto Todokri. I’m five years old. My quirk is Half-Cold Half-Hot. I can make ice with my right side and create fire with my left side.” He said in a monotone voice. He had a strange tremble when he said “left side.”

“Hi. I’m Y/n L/n. My quirks Earth.” You smile softly and held your hand out, he nervously shook it.

Your parents made you spend the whole night with Shoto. He was a good kid. He was patient and queit, you were stuck doing most of the talking. You thanked the lord that your parents were respected, or else you could have been in danger with all the strangers.

That’s how it started.

He didn’t realize he had real feelings for you. You were going to be forced to marry him as son as you turned eighteen, there was no reason either of you should remotely enjoy a forced relationship.

And then came UA. He was going to get into UA for sure, and so we’re you. Purely because you were both powerful. Either way, your both from rich family’s, they could’ve bribed you into it if you weren’t powerful.

And you were clearly avoiding him. He didn’t blame you, you were forced into this relationship and so was he. You would occasionally wave at him in the halls or give a small hello. That was the most you would give him.

He couldn’t help but feel bad about it. You were a kind and patient person, but you didn’t have I care in the world about him.

And like he did with most of his problems, he went to his best friend. Deku.

“Hey Midoryia? Can I ask you something?” Todokri said, tapping on Dekus shoulder. Deku turned to him.

The empty common room was strange. Of course it was rather late, but Todokri knew Dkeu would still be up studying.

“Sure Todokri! What’s up?” He smiled. His freckles popped off his face even in the dim room, the fridge and lamp being the only sources of light.

“I… thsi is going to be rather personal, but I’m engaged to L/n. And it’s kinda bothering our relationship.” Todokri awkwardly said, rubbing the back of his neck.

Deku looked surprised. Everyone he told did, since arranged marriages are so rare now. He quickly connected the dots, that you both had powerful quirks and that Endeavor would take advantage of that.

“Oh. Sorry, Todokri. What do you need me for in that, though?” He titled his head to the side. Todokri’s left side glowed with the white light of the full fridge.

“Your good at friendship. If we’re going to be married one day, than I want to at least have a platonicly good relationship with them. I don’t want them miserable.” Todokri said. Deku could clearly see the guilt in his eyes. Deku gently nodded.

“Well, I could try to get you to connected. Their mostly friends with Kacchans group, but I know them pretty well. They asked to study with me a few times.” Deku muttered. “Next time we study together I could mention you, say how great of a person you are. Maybe get you two to hang out somehow.”

Todokri quickly nodded and was glad to be given the offer. “That sounds perfect Midoryia. Please do.” He said, then turned and went back to his dorm room. He slept more Pres fully than normal.

“Hey Y/n, you know Todokri right?” Deku casually said, turning the yellowing page of the old school text books. The library was empty beside you two and the workers.

“Yeah.” You say and raise an eyebrow. You knew him and your fiancé were friends but you didn’t see a reason why he would have to mention him.

“All Might told me I should try training harder with my legs, since I’m only now trying to use them. So, I’m gonna be pretty busy for a month or two.” He said, looking directly at you insteda of over his book. The room felt hotter. You were definitely leaning on Deku’s support with school, you would probably start failing again if you stopped.

“That good for you. But bad for me. You know how bad I was before you offered to study with me.” You say.

“Don’t worry! Todokri is a smart guy, try studying with him! He’s more queit than I am, but if you spend some time with him he’ll come out of his shell.” Deku said.

You puzzle it in your mind. It would be overwhelmingly uncomfortable, you two wer engaged yet you had ingnored him for most of the school year so far.

“Sure. I’ll ask him about it later.” You say offhandedly. You scoff in your mind. You had only seen this kid at party’s your parents forced you to go to, they didn’t even put the effort into getting you two to know each other well.

You walked up behind the half and half boy. You refused to call him more than a poor, shy and anxious kid. His existence pissed you off. He was a nice kid, polite and patient. But the fact that you were forced to marry this guy you had barely talked to made your blood boil.

“Shoto Todokri? Could a talk to you for a second?” You said, in the voice and tone your parents told you was proper.

“Yes, Y/n? Sure.” He said and turned away from the lunch he wasn’t focused on eating. “What do you need?”

“Could you help me study? Deku’s gonna be busy for a while and I’m a little dependent on him. Which I should probably fix…” You said, drawing your hand back to your chest from his shoulder.

“Yes. I don’t mind. Um… would eight be good? Meet in my dorm?” He said gently. He felt like you were like a wild animal, would scurry away at the slightest wrong move.

“Sure, that’s fine. Well uh… see ya later.” You awkwardly wave and walk back to Mina and Denki, they could clearly tell how nervous you still were. Yet, Todokri stood still. He played with the sting on his hoodie, and blushed.

“Yeah, I’m sure that George Washington was the fourth president.” You sarcastically said. You should’ve remembered that Shoto was horrible at American History, the only class he was bad in.

“Trust me! I’ve very sure he was the fourth!” He defensive cried. You snicker and roll your eyes.

“And who was before him? And after em’?” You say and hide a laugh.

“Um… Alexander Hamilton was a president right? And then… then Thomas Jeffery?” He said, almost shaking from how nervous he was. He had already helped you with every other subject, this was the only one you said you were good at but wanted help just in case.

You made a system. On mondays you would do history, on wednesdays you did math, and on sundays you did American history. And any other day you would train. What a great Sunday you were having.

You snickered and banged your fist on the counter of the empty common room. “Heck no! Alexander was in charge of the treasury, and also wrote for George Washington during the war for independence. Thomas Jeffery,” You did quotation marks with your hands. “wasn’t a person. Your thinking of Thomas Jefferson. He was a president, the third.”

He sighed, it came out white from his cold side taking over. He was trying to keep himself from catching fire. It always felt like that would happen around you after the month you’ve been studying together, fro some reason.

“I think your gonna have to help me with this. How do you even know this stuff?” He said with a sad and pouty look.

“Hamilton, it’s a musical. One of my favorites.”

He took a menatal note of that.

“Shoto!” You giggled, elbowing the teen. He laughed wildly, not for the first time. Not anymore.

Your jokes always made him laugh wildly, not caring if others see him in the act. Because your there, laughing with him. Sometimes at his own silly actions, and others at your own statements.

You made him happy. Happier than he ever remembers being. He’s been happy before, just… not this much. Not with Iida or Ochako, or his siblings or even Deku. You made him happiest.

“I can’t believe you sometimes!” You giggled and covered your mouth as to not make the white room explode with laughter. Everyone was staring at you already. Half of the class already thought you were dating, the other thought you were pining. Well, Shoto was.

But, the sweet stares you started to give towards Izuku during class, the lingering touchs when you grabbed his arm to ask to study, the tab bit longer than it should be hugs, those heart eyes you would give to him during lunch. It all seemed to stain into his memory, never able to leave.

Friday, January 5. You and Shoto were having your now normal sleepovers, watching romantics comedy’s and crappy tv till midnight.

#mha #bnha #mha x reader #mha x y/n #mha x you #todorki x reader #todorki shouto

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florencefallons · 4 years

Text

Life and Stuff

August 10, 2020. The the first day of the most insane month of my life. Of course it would happen in 2020. I hope you’ll forgive me for using this platform as a means to get the thoughts jumbled around in my head out into a more organized form. I rarely ever even use this platform anymore. When I do, it’s to reblog pictures of Carol Burnett or Barbara Stanwyck. The occasional Emma Thompson photo. Never to sit down and spill out everything on my mind into what, very likely, will become a novella on its own.

I’m not a prolific speaker. I trip over my words. I say “um,” and “uh” a lot. My brain is moving at twice the speed of my mouth and my poor mouth can’t keep up. Therefore when I have things on my mind, like I do today, I can’t just talk about them. A) Who would I talk about it to? and B) Even if I had a place to talk about these thoughts, it would come out all jumbled up and I’d end up sounding totally ridiculous and having said nothing I wanted to actually say.

When it comes to expression, writing is where I’ve always excelled. Excelled is a strong word, but when you compare it to other forms of self expression, it’s the only form I am able to use proficiently. I don’t have a vlog or a youtube channel. I don’t have a blog that reaches people. I have no voice. No influence in this world. But I have this platform and it allows for posts like this, and for once, I’m going to use it.

As I said, August 10, 2020 was the first day of the most insane month of my life. More has happened to me in this one month span than has happened to me at any other time in my life...and you’re hearing from a person who was injured on the job and has had a fractured spine and 13 surgeries. I’ve been through some stuff. Nothing with the intensity and frequency this month has thrown it at me though. This month has resulted in seven major events that have deeply impacted my life in some way. Nobody is being forced to read this. In fact I expect most will see its length and scroll past it faster than a fundraising ad for Donald Trump. I do hope SOME of you will take the time to read it though. I’m mainly writing it for posterity. To have a place where this month is recorded, so I can come back someday and remember it. So, with that being said, here are the things that have happened (or are soon to happen) in this 1 month span. Listed in chronological order.

1) August 10, 2020. I was in my 2nd week of work at the new clinic our hospital opened. Working for the largest hospital and clinic system in the state, sometimes our clinics outgrow our ability to contain them. My job was in the neurology clinic. I worked as the nurse who took care of all the multiple sclerosis doctors and nurse practitioners, while answering all the patient questions, emails, and voicemails. We’re looking at about 2,500 patients on the generous side of the estimate. Needless to say, I was busy. It was said many times by coworkers, by the doctors I worked with, and--admittedly--by me, that the job was a two-person job. It was too much for one person to handle. I was drowning fast in a mountain of paperwork that needed to be filled out, messages that needed to be answered, phone calls that needed to be returned. I’d accomplish finishing, say 25% of the work, and 50% more work would come in. I was at the end of my rope.

--Let me interject here by saying that, over the course of the 16 months I worked this job, I had to start seeing a psychiatrist, I had to start psychological therapy with a licensed therapist, and I was started on no less than 5 new psychiatric medications. Once the correct balance was found, I was reduced down to only 2, but regardless, I think this fact alone proves the point that the stress of the job was getting to me.--

I finally looked at the mountain of work in front of me and I broke. I set up a meeting with my boss, the director of nursing for all of the neuroscience service line (that covers 6 clinics). We met, and I told her “You told me to be open and honest, and to come to you whenever I have an issue.” She agreed. I went on to tell her that I was losing my mind. The workload was entirely too much to hold over one person and needed help. Desperately. I was constantly being interrupted by people needing help with this or that, which was fine. I don’t mind helping anyone, I love it...but it took away from the time I had to do my already overwhelming job. I may have cried some, I don’t remember.

Her solution was probably the worst idea ever put forth, but I was so devastated and down and overwhelmed, I didn’t really even hear anything she said after I spoke my piece. Her suggestion was that, if our clinic was too hectic for me, I needed to transfer to the new clinic. It was an epilepsy clinic but we had 2 multiple sclerosis providers there too, so I could go there and be the MS nurse there. At that moment, that sounded like a great idea. Fewer people=less stress. Yeah, no. Once she sent me over there, she decided with me being there, they had no need to keep our patient care tech there. So she took her away and made her work at the main campus, where they have tons of patient care techs. That left me and another nurse who, due to a bad knee, did very little that tinvolved getting up off his ass and helping out with goings on in the clinic. He much preferred to sit in his fancy chair and delegate duties to me from there. I was younger, I was newer, and he was--in his mind--the charge nurse.

So, thus began the saga of my doing at the new clinic, the job that THREE DIFFERENT PEOPLE did at the main clinic. I was forced to triage (get into a patient room and go over everything to make sure it was up to date) every patient, draw labs on every patient, all while trying to do the job I was ACTUALLY hired for, which was answering phone calls and returning messages. Which was a full time job on its own. Needless to say, my “new’ duties took all that time away and all my stuff went unanswered. I kept getting harassed by patients and managers that stuff had been sitting waiting too long to be done.

Mr. Charge nurse, from his chair he never left, didn’t understand what all the fuss was about. “It’s not that bad here” he’d say. Sure, if you never have to get up and do anything, but for me, it’s very hard. I have to do all the job of a PCT (getting paid nurses’ wages by the way) along with a job just as busy as the one you’re having to do. I’m expected to do as much if not more in the computer as you do, yet I never have time to touch it because I’m always triaging patients (half of which are YOURS) and drawing all the labs. Well of course he disagreed and said he helped and I was overreacting. By that he means he maybe got up once or twice a day because someone needed attention and I was still busy in another patient’s room. My boss would berate me, asking why my inbox was sitting there so full and nothing was being done.

“WHEN DO YOU WANT ME TO DO THESE THINGS *Insert her name here*??? I spend my entire day, I mean my ENTIRE day, doing the job of a PCT and you’re paying me to do the job of an RN. “Well, *insert his name* says he helps you.” That’s a damn lie and he knows it. He thinks that he’s the charge nurse, he’s older, and he has a bum knee (mind you I have my entire lower half of my spine fused so don’t give me that “I have hardware in my knee” bullshit. I’m full of titanium too. Fight me.) Well, help was refused, the other nurse was just told to try and help more and that he was not the charge nurse, that our clinic didn’t HAVE a charge nurse since there were only 2 of us. Well, he got so butthurt over that, he interviewed for a new job in the same building as our main clinic. He was offered the job. He was getting ready to give his notice and I was literally at the end of my sanity. So I turned in my notice to my manager on August 10, 2020. I told her I couldn’t keep doing the job of 3 people by myself and it was too much I was through. My doctors begged me to stay. She asked if I was sure that’s what I wanted. I said it wasn’t what I WANTED, but I can’t keep working like this. So I really don’t have a choice. “Well we don’t have the staff or money allocated to give you a tech if you’re over here.” So I shrugged, said I was giving her 4 weeks notice and I’d have to leave.

This was a Monday. On Wednesday, she came back and not only gave our tech back, she gave (*insert his name here*) everything he wanted, because she’d caught wind he was getting ready to leave too and she’d have no nurses at the clinic. I told her I’d retract my resignation if she would let us keep our patient care tech, because with her, I have time to actually do my job. She all but said “OK” and to give her a definite answer on Monday. So I did. Monday I told her I’d stay since we had adequate help. Well apparently she discussed thsi with her boss and came back at me with “Sorry, but all we can accommodate is an as needed position or you can extend your leave date and stay on full time until your replacement is hired and you can train them to make the transition easier.”

Are you freaking serious, bruh? “As needed” meaning “free reign to fire you with no consequences when we don’t want you anymore, plus all my benefits would be taken away.” Or, I could “stay and help train my replacement.” Are you out of your mind? Then what? Fuck off into the sunset, your job here is finished? I think I’ll take a hard pass on both those options. My last day will be September 4.

So, while going through all this I was being tested and was diagnosed with not one, but two life-altering disorders.

2) First, I was diagnosed with severe attention deficit disorder. I was told I’d actually had it my whole life based on testing and had never been evaluated or treated. This would have been the 1990s when this started, and I found out my parents were approached about the possibility I had ADD. I made excellent grades, but had major problems with impulse control and talking too much and paying attention. My parents dismissed this suggestion. They did not--and to this day still did not--believe ADD was a real diagnosis. They said ti was nothing more than kids who needed their asses beat and they’d learn to behave. I could not possibly be one of those hyperactive kids who suck in school and just all-around do poorly. I did too well in school. I was told to pay attention more and stop goofing off. I was threatened with spankings if I messed up. So I worked really hard to stop my impulses from taking over. And I did, some, but not always. I got punished quite a bit for things I did in school. Not on purpose, but it’s how I was. And now, as an adult, I was still struggling with impusle control and with paying attention. I still struggled in prioritizing tasks and organizing things. I could never figure out why my brain wouldn’t let me do those things. My PCP said I had ADD--he KNEW it--but I had to be diagnosed by a licensed psychotherapist. So I went and was diagnosed. And it changed my world. It was a lot to process, knowing what I went through as a kid and knowing the punishment I went through for something that was not my fault. I wasn’t abused, I wasn’t mistreated. If I’d been treated for ADD as a child though, I might not have just done well in school, I might have kicked ass. I might have been valedictorian rather than 6th in class to graduate. That was hard to swallow. Yet a relief at the same time.

3) Went to the sleep clinic and got a take-home sleep apnea study kit. It came back positive for sleep apnea. My oxygen was dropping to 70% at night, which is basically hypoxic, and the reason I’m probably so sleepy all the damn time. As soon as I get home from work and get settled, I fall asleep for at least an hour, maybe 2. I haven’t always done that. I used to have trouble sleeping to the point I needed Lunesta for help (although the taste was so bad I rarely took it).Sure enough, I need CPAP when I sleep to help keep my oxygen over 92%. They told me I’d feel better almost instantly. So I’m hoping to go see them next week about getting my machine.

4) My friend’s little 4-year-old niece died. She was a special, miracle child who touched so many lives it’s insane. She was a beautiful soul. I never met her but her death affected me profoundly because her aunt posted so many photos and videos online. I felt like I lost one of my godchildren or something. It hurt. I can’t imagine what they are going through.

5) My uncle Jerry died. The day after the little girl I just mentioned. I can’t even attend HIS funeral due to COVID and the risk of contamination. My mom is on a chemo drug for an autoimmune disease that destroys her immune system. So we’re trapped away from everyone (if I want to see my mom that is).

6) My last day of my job was today, September 4, 2020. It finally came, my time there is done. 16 months of hard work down the toilet. Because of poor management, shitty leadership, lack of care or respect for employees, etc. I offered to stay, but my offer was rejected as it was given. It just served to remind me I made the right decision, even if it was a bit rash. Several others have quit or gotten fired so staffing will be interesting. My old “charge nurse” is about to learn what getting off your broad butt and helping is all about now. They aren’t sending him ANY nurses to help him next week. I’ll be honest, I hope the whole thing blows up in (insert name here)’s (my director’s) face. she is trying to run the neuro clinic like she runs her other clinic--which is TOTALLY DIFFERENT. I thought she’d be good for the clinic, turns out she wants to get rikd of EVREYONE who has FMLA-Anyone who has permission to be off work without fear of repercussions. She wants a bunch of “as needed” staff so she doesn’t have to hire full time people, she doesn’t have to pay anyone benefits, and she can get rid of them whenever she likes “your as needed position is no longer needed,” without going through all the bullcrap red tape the state puts you through to fire anyone. Anyway, bottom line, today was my last day at a job that--the job itself--I loved. The patients I loved, the doctors and nurses I loved, and my coworkers I loved. I have never left a job I loved. It was 100% management. My main doctor, the medical director of the service line, did not want me to leave and keeps asking me to say. I had to explain to him I tried, but they refused. Broke my heart. He’d take me back in a minute though, if the situation at the clinic ever changes. I hope it does. He was the most brilliant, kind, generous, respectful, patient, and dedicated man I’ve ever met. He taught me a lot. I’ll take a lot of what I learned from him with me wherever I go.

7) The final thing has not happened just yet, but it will be very soon and I’m already dealing with it. So September 7 is the 1 year anniversary of the death of my best friend. I still miss her like it was yesterday. Time has, as they say, healed some of the wound, but not all. Every now and then I get slammed with the realization she’s gone. I’ll never see her again. Talk to her. Hug her. Laugh with her. Ever. Again. And I cry and suffer with it all over again. That is happening less frequently, but it has picked up again now that 1 year is approaching. I can’t believe it. My best friend has been dead for 1 year. The 1 year anniversary of the last time we spoke was August 20. It hurts so much. But slowly, over this year, I’ve started dreading getting up in the morning a little less, I can breathe again, a little. I can laugh again without feeling guilty about it. I’ve finally hit all the 1 year milestones with her death (well, as of 9/7). I’m going to her grave this weekend to place some special things I purchased in honor of her 1 year anniversary since her passing. Damn I miss her so much.

So, this month--this whole year technically--has been a lot to process. A lot to find out, a lot to digest, and a lot to grieve through. I keep thinking “it can’t possibly get any worse, maybe things will get better now” and it always does. That trend for 2020 doesn’t bode well with the election coming up. That makes me so nervous I feel sick. But I refuse to get political here. If you’ve stayed with it this far, you have tremendous stamina and I salute you. It’s taken me hours and several breaks to write thanks to my ADD and just being sleepy and falling asleep in the middle of typing. But that’s it, my month inside the year straight out of hell.

#2020 #August #September #Year from Hell #I can't deal with much more #hell month #loss of job #loss of family member #loss of child #quit job #loss of best friend #1 year death anniversary #please end soon 2020 #let life improve PLEASE!

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olaf-likeswarmhugs · 4 years

Text

A Word For Us || Soft

Summary: June 21-22: Olaf comes out to Sindri! And then Sindri starts to learn more about himself too! Good golly gosh, we love kids figuring it out.

@huldufolk-hjarn

June 21, 2020

Olaf [deleted]: hi sindri u can ignore this since ur working but um hi!!

Olaf [deleted]: HI sindri do you have some time to talk about someth

Olaf [deleted]: HI sindri so i was googling

Olaf: 👋 ☃️ 🤗

Sindri: olaffffff

Sindri: hi

Olaf: hi!

Olaf [deleted]: wow ive forgotten how to talk to u like a normal person loooosflkj

Olaf: how's pixie's! is your shift going well? :)

Sindri: it's kinda slow right now

Sindri: im sitting here on a stool drying glasses lol

Sindri: so fun

Sindri: how's your day

Olaf: ah i know you're kidding but i love drying glasses

Olaf: i like the sound the glasses make, the little rubby sound? from the towel

Olaf: squeaky clean!

Sindri: like the squeak

Olaf: yes exactly

Olaf: and then arranging them in rows

Sindri: i had one that wasn't squeaky i should wash it again

Olaf: you should, customers deserve squeaky clean glasses

Sindri: yeah they do

Sindri: i was thinking about making myself one of those sodas we discovered last time

Sindri: like the regular soda water with the grenadine?

Olaf: ooooh

Olaf: yeah thats delicious

Sindri: i think peri might be starting to wonder where all her grenadine is going haha

Olaf: oh well dont have too much now

Sindri: i've had like three

Olaf: hmm that seems like enough

Olaf: though maybe we should get a soda water maker

Olaf: then we could make our own, they sell those you know

Olaf: we can order it online

Olaf: we can soda-fy any drink then, i think it'd be great for parties

Sindri: really?

Sindri: i thought it was a thing only bars had and like also places that make soda obviously

Olaf: no, you can get one for your home! and an espresso machine

Olaf: we should get an espresso machine too

Sindri: we should because then we wouldn't have to spend so much money on coffee

Olaf: well we would still have to buy the coffee for the machine but probably cheaper in the long run!

Olaf: really there are a lot of fun kitchen appliances we could get

Olaf: a waffle maker for example

Olaf: oh i saw a donut pan that was very cool

Olaf: there's a handheld smoothie maker but i think its better to just use the blender so you can make more smoothie

Sindri: i watched a video that showed how many soups you can make when you have a food processor which i think is just a bigger fancier blender but i like soups

Olaf: i saw a special kind of cutting device that slices an apple though into six equal pieces!

Sindri: i think my favorite food is soup

Olaf: soup is very good

Olaf: soups and stews

Sindri: yeah they remind me of home

Sindri: but waffles are good too

Sindri: if we made waffles we could decorate them

Olaf: yes! i love waffles because each hole can have something different

Olaf: like a little presennt

Olaf: likea jellybean, or a peanut

Sindri: you want to put jellybeans on your waffles?

Olaf: well that was just an example but im sure it would taste good

Olaf: i like jellybeans and i like waffles

Sindri: jellybeans get stuck in my teeth

Olaf: sindri i also like you as a friend

Olaf: my best friend

Sindri: i like you as a friend too

Sindri: yeah you're my best friend

Sindri: are you okay?

Olaf: yes

Olaf: i was just doing some googling

Olaf: Google as you know is very useful. It answers almost every single question ive ever had since moving here

Sindri: yeah i love google

Olaf: yeah

Olaf [deleted]: i don't know if ive ever really told you but i think i worry about a lot of things. i dont like talking about it because i dont want everyone to worry about /me/ because then id just worry more about how im worrying everyone else but wow this is nonsense ANYWAY i have been really worried about...myself and feeling like something is wrong with me because

Olaf: i dont know if i ever told you this but for a long time, ive sort of felt something was wrong with me. it started when we began to date, but not because of anything you did, i think that was just the first time i realized i really wasn't like everyone else. at least i didnt feel the way everyone wanted me to feel or expected me to feel. and it was really awful, i just thought i was a big fake the whole time, like a liar almost, and then of course we broke up because i was so bad at it and everything but i still felt that awful feeling anyway. and i just didnt know why and its never gone away so i googled it today and googled and googled and i think i found the thing that explains me better than anything else and i think its important that i tell you what that is and im really nervous!!!!!!! look an emoji 🎈

Sindri [deleted]: we didn't break up because you were bad at anything

Sindri: there are a lot of things i want to say but im going to wait until you say your thing

Sindri: also i love emojis :)

Sindri: 🦆

Olaf: right, they're very comforting 🐭

Sindri: oh and please don't be nervous

Sindri: you can tell me anything

Olaf: im very nervous

Olaf: im even texting u and i know thsi should be an in person conversation ahha

Sindri: i think sometimes texting can make things easier to say

Sindri: it isn't like you're avoiding an in person conversation either because we live together lol

Sindri: im sure we will also talk about whatever it is in person

Olaf: right yes probably

Olaf: okay!

Olaf: so um yeah! humans have a lot of words for things and i think the word that fits me best is aromantic....ta-da!! 🎉 🎉 🎉 🎉

Olaf: it means i dont experience romantic attraction. because i never have, never, i dont' know why and i dont like dating like, i dont want to be anyone's boyfriend it makes me feel gross

Olaf: but i do want to be your best friend

Olaf: i was talking to finn and i said something that felt true but also kind of like i was contradicting myself? i dont know, feelings are very confusing but basically i said that you're my right person

Olaf: and i think thats still true even tho i dont want to date you and i dont mean that like i am in love with you or anything because im not and egjaldkf that feels mean to say but im trying to say that i really love you sindri and i never want to date you but you are more special to me than my other friends

Olaf: see it sounds like im contradicting myself

Olaf: also like im rejecting u when u didnt even ask me out so!!! sorry oh frosty

Sindri: i love you too olaf

Sindri: you'll always be my best friend

Sindri: always no matter what

Sindri: you're my right person too and i think i kind of get it

Sindri: not completely but i want to learn and i will look up that word but i don't think you're mean or fake or anything like that

Olaf: are you sure because i just read over those texts and it felt mean

Sindri: i don't feel insulted or rejected really

Olaf: I just want you to know it isnt you

Olaf: i used to think i was just rejecting you or something but the idea of dating anyone really is gross for me. like i dont want to ever stop being your roommate though iknow we probably will stop eventually

Sindri: im kind of sad you felt like a fake and a liar though

Sindri: why would we stop

Sindri: i don't want to stop being your roommate ever either

Olaf: well if you ever enter into a promise with someone

Olaf: you know, if you fall in love

Olaf: i probably wont be yoru roommate then. which is okay!

Sindri: but you're my right person

Sindri: when we were apart i was really sad a lot because i missed you

Sindri: and now that you're here im happy a lot of the time

Sindri: i don't want to be somewhere you aren't that sounds stupid to me

Olaf: i dont either. though we wouldnt be far or anything i mean if we stay here in swynlake we'd probably still be in the same town. i just dont want you to... um...not move on? I dont know if thats what you're doing idk sorry i feel like im making a lot of assumptions right now

Olaf: i dont want to hold you back if you fall in love with someone else

Olaf: thats all

Sindri: can i ask u a question

Olaf: yes

Sindri: is it okay if im a little bit in love with you? i mean..i'm not saying i want to date you or be your boyfriend because i don't want to do anything you don't want to do and i want us to be us and honestly im not even sure what being in lvoe is i guess except that i like you most and i like everything we do and that's the way i know how to say that

Sindri: i just say that with like

Sindri: zero expectations from it except you just being my friend for as long as you want to be

Sindri: sorry

Sindri: i probably shouldn't have said that

Sindri: i hope it didn't make you feel gross

Olaf: it only makes me upset if i think about somehow letting you down which i think is sort of my problem not your problem, which i realized recently too

Olaf: i just worry about a lot of things sindri

Olaf: i worry more than you might think i worry haha, i just worry that one day you'll decide that being my best friend isnt enough for you

Sindri: i will never decide that

Sindri: i love you as a person way more than i am "in love" with you which the more i think about it is a stupid concept anyway like what does it even mean

Sindri: when i say it it just means you are my favorite person

Olaf: i mean i mean that too but im not in love with you

Olaf: i dont know bc i dont feel it

Olaf: so maybe what you feel is or isnt love...i dunno sometimes i think romance is a game people play ahha i dunno

Sindri: i don't know how people date people they don't really know

Olaf: well i dont get what makes it a date

Sindri: ....wow

Sindri: me either

Olaf: because i could go out with lots of strangers and get to know them but i wouldnt call it dates id just call it...uh...getting to know a new friend haha

Olaf: like you went on dates with nemo when you moved here if u think about it

Olaf: except you didnt

Olaf: i dont know

Sindri: yeah

Olaf: i guess if people want to kiss at the end

Sindri: yeah maybe

Olaf: i just dont want you to lie to me

Olaf: like i did sort of lie to you for a little sindri and i am so sorry i did but i dont want to lie anymore so if you say that you're in love thats okay it is

Sindri: yeah i think maybe being honest about feelings is a really good idea for us

Sindri: because i don't want you to feel uncomfortable ever

Olaf: and i really dont want to hurt you

Sindri: i don't think you will but i will let you know if it ever happens

Sindri: im being really honest when i tell you that i only want what you want i will never feel like i'm missing out as long as you are my best friend okay

Sindri: i don't want dates and a boyfriend i don't feel like im missing out on that stuff

Sindri: i mean i guess i could theoretically want it but i don't miss it

Sindri: i feel complete without it

Olaf: okay. im gonna work really hard to believe that

Olaf: it might take me some time but thats because i think i still dont feel uh... enough i guess

Olaf: but we promised we wouldnt lie to each other so if you tell me thast what you want i believe you

Sindri: also i know it's not my place to say but you are enough i promise you are so great and anyone who knows you is lucky to have you in their lives. i'm so lucky you are my best friend olaf.

Olaf: well i dunno why you wouldnt think its your place to say as my best friend you should compliment me thank you x3

Olaf: but i know you mean that

Olaf: and im lucky too

Sindri: thank you for telling me all this stuff

Olaf: thank you for listening

Olaf: and not hating me haha

Sindri: lol peri might hate me because i took a long break oops

Sindri: but i'll see you in a couple hours okay?

Sindri: i'm going to give you the best hug ever!

Sindri: it'll be almost like an olaf hug

Sindri: maybe

Olaf: oh oops

Sindri: idk i'll try

Olaf: haha im sure it will be even better than an olaf hug

Olaf: it will be a sindri hug ^.^

Sindri: :)

Olaf: we can maybe talk more when you come home too, if you want

Sindri: okay

Sindri: i think i'm going to look stuff up too when i'm drying glasses

Sindri: just so im prepared

Olaf: yeah! you can ask me questions

Olaf: though im still learning too haha

June 22, 2020

Olaf: hi sindri, i found more words!

Sindri: haha yeah?

Olaf: yeah xPPP

Olaf: there are lots of fun ones humans have a great sense of humour

Olaf: like wtfromantic ahha that made me laugh

Sindri: what does that mean

Olaf: WELL

Olaf: "a romantic orientation in the aromantic spectrum that describes people who cannot differentiate platonic from romantic attraction, cannot define romantic attraction and therefore aren't sure if they experience it"

Olaf: im glad there's a word for it and that word isnt stupid haha

Sindri: oh hey i like that one

Sindri: i think that one makes a lot of sense

Sindri: i've been thinking about like

Sindri: the line or whatever and it feels really arbitrary to me

Sindri: like what makes something a date? or not a date? you know

Olaf: exactly!!!!

Olaf: tho ive never felt any um, i dunno anything different for anyone so

Sindri: oh like where you want to "date" them

Olaf: right or like

Olaf: butterflies

Olaf: people talk about butterflies and i never get them for other people. i get flutters for other things

Olaf: like when im excited for an event you know?

Sindri: yeah

Sindri: i've been looking at stuff too

Olaf: oh have u also found words i have a list of words here but you can go next if you want

Sindri: no i want to know what your words are first

Olaf: well this next one is fun, it's squish

Olaf: guess what that means

Sindri: is it like a crush

Sindri: it sounds nicer than a crush lol

Olaf: yeah!

Olaf: its wanting to be friends with someone i guess, like, really badly

Olaf: i actually dont think ive had squishes either haha

Olaf: i mean! i want to be lots of people's friends but

Sindri: oh that's cool

Sindri: wow i love my new words so far

Sindri: squish is just a really cute one

Olaf: yeah i think its a very cute word x3

Olaf: There's also aesthetic attraction! which just means liking how someone looks, which is different than romantic or sexual attraction

Sindri: i found that one too

Sindri: i've been trying to figure myself out actually

Sindri: and that one was something i think i relate to a lot

Olaf: oooh wow im glad these words are helping you too

Olaf: yes i think i definitely understand aesthetic attraction.

Olaf: i actually think i might be asexual too? which is pretty crazy because i like sex but apparently thats not mutually exclusive!

Olaf: people shoudl really teach a class on this stuff

Sindri: it was also weird because it made me realize that when people say they are attracted to other people it means they actually want to have sex with them

Sindri: a lot of the time

Olaf: i KNOW

Sindri: that's CRAZY

Olaf: i dont not want to have sex with people? i dont know, i just dont think about it

Olaf: but if i think someone is pretty my first thought isnt oh lets have sex

Sindri: i never mean that when i say someone is attractive like i never look at a person and like want them to YES

Sindri: wow

Olaf: wow frosty!

Olaf: we have that in common haha

Sindri: i'll tell you one of my words

Olaf: yes!

Sindri: demisexual

Olaf: oh i saw that one!

Sindri: it's where you only feel sexual attraction to someone you have an emotional connection to already

Sindri: i think that's me

Olaf: ah that sounds like you

Olaf: what a beautiful sindri word

Sindri: thank you

Olaf: i think i read another word for us

Olaf: did you come across queerplatonic?

Sindri: no

Olaf: oh!

Olaf: its a good one haha

Olaf: i mean i think so

Olaf: its kind of hard to describe exactly im still reading about it but uhhhh okay maybe i'll just link you

Olaf: https://lgbta.wikia.org/wiki/Queerplatonic_Relationship

Olaf:it kind of sounds like some promises, you know? though most promises are romantic

Sindri: oh hey

Sindri: wow this really does seem like an us word

Olaf: yeah doesnt it!

Olaf: like how everyone thought we had to be more than friends

Sindri: yeah which is dumb

Sindri: i really like this one

Sindri: this one makes me feel like

Sindri: idk if feels right

Olaf: yeah i dont feel as stupid anymore haha

Olaf: if other people are like us, i mean

Olaf: maybe not exactly like us

Sindri: well it even says there are lots of ways they can be

Sindri: which is cool

Sindri: like if it makes sense to the people in the relationship that's how it is it's about being open and being comfortable

Olaf: yeah each one has different rules apparently

Sindri: i also think it's kind of silly that like friendships are apparently "not as intense" as romantic relationships which i guess is why this exists right

Olaf: yeah i think so

Olaf: though its confusing still because some articles say its asexual and other ones say that there can be sex

Olaf: but that goes back to teh different rules thing

Olaf: i think each one must be like a snowflake

Sindri: yeah i think it is about what the people in them want

Sindri: are we

Sindri: or like

Sindri: i don't know i think maybe if i wanted to define our relationship i might want to use that word

Sindri: which is something we would totally have to talk about

Olaf: i think id like that

Olaf: i just have always wanted to be your best friend forever which sounds so silly and childish but i dunno

Olaf: maybe we dont need all the words for it but maybe we do?

Olaf: or not!

Olaf: haha

Sindri: i want to be your best friend forever too olaf

Sindri: like i mean it

Sindri: i don't ever want to stop being friends with you and when i think about what i want my life to be like you are always in it

Sindri: and maybe having a word would make that easier because we wouldn't feel like we are doing things wrong?

Sindri: even though there isn't a right way

Sindri: but just in terms of other people and maybe feeling pressured to be different? i dont' know

Olaf: i think it would make me feel better about not leading you on or disappointing you and i know you say i dont do those things but it makes me nervous

Sindri: yeah and i would feel better about feeling like i'm accidentally pressuring you

Olaf: yeah

Olaf: we should definitely talk about it

Olaf: there are actually checklists and sheets and stuff hehe its kind of cute

Sindri: aww really?

Olaf: yeah :3

Sindri: when do you want to talk about it

Sindri: do you want to like plan a time

Olaf: oh i was just going to do it whenever you wanted to?

Olaf: if you want we can plan a time

Sindri: i think i would like to talk about it when i see you next so probably tonight haha

Sindri: it feels really good to maybe have a word

Olaf: oh okay! I can print out these worksheets if you want

Olaf: i'll make snacks hehe

Sindri: okay lol i can bring home some of that soup from remys too because we can't just eat SNACKS

Olaf: i do like that soup!

Sindri: good we have a plan then!

#soft #text #soft text #yes i am still posting things a month late #:) would u expect anything less from me

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ashes-and-ashes · 5 years

Note

For the kisses list.. if you want 75 or 13... Good life :)

Okay so I did a speed write thing? This took me 30 minutes, and is 1.7k words. Sorry if it is crappy - I just was trying to write as many words as I can! (And I know it’s not 2k’s!! Sorry!!! I tried, but I’ve only written 2k words ONCE and that was when writing that Drarry fic!!)

#75 - Kisses meant to distract someone

Distraction

He stares at the paper, crumpled in his hand. The ink is smudged from where he grasped it, the edges ripped and slightly torn.

The words are darkly printed, carved into the parchment in a writing that is so familiar to him, a writing that haunts his dreams every night. Regulus’ writing is elegant, clean lines and defined print, so different from Sirius’ untidy scrawl. He supposed Regulus had always been like that, always willing to do anything to please his parents.

The words are burned into his memory, from the countless number of times he’s read the letter. The owl came at breakfast, landing in front of his porridge bowl, and he still remembers the feeling of nausea fishing up in his throat as he swallows.

Sirius,

Don’t come home. You can’t. I know you’re thinking of it, but you can’t. They will kill you. Actually, physically kill you.

Mum has burned you off the family tree. You can’t be a Death Eater anymore. You’ve been disowned.

I’m fine. They haven’t hurt me too bad yet.

Don’t respond. They are watching my mail.

-R

There’s something like Shane burning in his chest, a thick oily feeling that fills his stomach, his heart, his soul. He abandoned Regulus, left him at the mercy of his parents, unprotected and vulnerable and he feels vile rise up in his mouth. He swallows, hard, trying to banish the feeling.

He remembers when they were 7 and 6, both hiding underneath Sirius’ bed. Hiding from their mother, who even back then had no qualms about taking her fury out on her two sons. She had lashed out at Regulus, making his nose bleed, before Sirius had stepped in. He had earned a nasty cut in his forehead, and they huddled under the bed, trying not to sneeze from all the dust lurking in the cracks.

Regulus had whispered, keeping his voice low. I hate it here.

Sirius nodded. Me too.

Regulus tugged at Sirius’ sleeve, pulled at his hair. I don’t like it here. I don’t like being hurt. He pauses. We should run away, Sirius! We can escape, to that school you’re going to! Hogwarts or something, and we can ask if they would let us in early and - .

There’s something like hope in his chest, imagining the life they would have if they did decide to run. Run, far away, where Walburga couldn’t catch them, where they didn’t have to live in fear of the curses, the screaming, the pain and the injuries.

He scoffs, punching himself. It was a foolish thought, a hopeless one, and Sirius bit his lip. He had learnt, years before, that screaming only infuriated Walburga more, encouraged her to keep cursing, and so, he had taught himself not to make any noise. No. But I promise, I will always protect you.

From her? Regulus had asked.

Sirius nodded his head. Yes. I’ll always be there for you. Always.

He grimaces now, that broken promise slicing up his chest. It had shattered, into sharp, ugly things, twisted remains of past vows, and Sirius swears, under his breath.

He’s alone in the common room, taking up one of his favorite desks, and he sighs as he bends over an essay. Transfiguration, a 6 inch roll of parchment on the dangers of vanishing living objects, and it was due in roughly 8 hours.

Sirius glances at the clock, and he bangs his head on the table. 2 am in the morning, and he still had another 5 inches left to go.

He bites his lip. It was getting harder and harder to concentrate, ever since he left, the guilt and the anguish eating him up inside. The nightmares had returned, Regulus chained up and screaming, Remus writhing under silver weights, Peter being burned alive and James drowning. Dark dreams for someone so young, and yet, they never faded away. It was harder to concentrate, to laugh and speak, getting harder and harder to sometimes breathe.

He can feel the panic, at the back of his throat, bitter and metallic and raw. He swallows hard, trying to banish the feeling, trying to ignore it, trying to think of something else other then the mindless, suffocating terror that always starting to overwhelm him -

He hears the door creak open, and his heart stops. He couldn’t let anyone see him like this, on the verge of shattering completely, and he hastily arranges his mouth into a smile, causally rests his feet on the couch. He stares down at the essay, the words swimming together, praying that whoever walked in would just leave him alone -

He recognizes the person before they speak, recognizes the way their footsteps scho against the ground, the lock of brown hair that falls over his shoulder, the cool hands on his face. Remus frowns, reading over the 1 inch of his essay, the rambled words and slurred writing. “Si. You know this is due tomorrow right?” He pauses. “Well. Technically today, seeing as it is 2:26 in the morning and you still haven’t finished.”

“Shut up,” Sirius mutters, letting his head rest against Remus’. “It’s fine. I’ll get it down. Hell, I may even call it quits. Suck it up and accept a detention or something.”

Remus shakes his head, frowning over Sirus’ shoulder. “Look...this isn’t like you, Pads. Seriously, you’re disorganized, but not this disorganized.”

Sirius shakes his head. “Tell me about it.” He yawns. “Anyways, I need to finish. I…”

He trails off, cursing himself as he watches Remus’ eyes fix on the piece of paper lying on the ground by Sirius’ foot. Sirius jumps, trying to wrench it away from Remus’ eyes, but Remus is too quick for him. He lunges forward, snatching the scrap of paper and flattens it out. “What the hell is thsi, Si?”

Sirius shakes his head. “Nothing. It’s nothing.”

“Bullshit.” Remus eyes are dark, scanning the page in front of him. “You’ve been disowned?”

The cold sinks into Sirius’ gut, the shame of the words eating him up inside. He sinks down, onto the floor, biting his lip as he did so. “I don’t know. It’s...it’s from Regulus. I…” He lets out a bitter laugh. “I abandoned him. Left him alone, with my fucked-up parents. And...guess they disowned me.”

Remus looks up. “Why can’t you get the Dark Mark now?”

Sirius sighs. “If I’m disowned...I’m not part of a family, right? I’m not part of the Sacred 28. I can’t be a Death Eater. I’m not considered a pure blood.” He shakes his head. “God. I don’t even know why I care so much. I shouldn’t care, right? I should be celebrating, because I got away from my parents! I’m finally free.” He bites his lip. “So why do I feel like I’m being ripped apart inside?”

Remus reaches over, packing a hand on Sirius’ cheek. “It’s natural. They raised you. They are still your family.”

“Buckshot. Family wouldn’t torture their own child.” Suspensions dogs the words out. “Family wouldn’t use Crucio until their own son passes out. Family wouldn’t lock their child in a cellar with no food for 3 days because the child spilt some water. Family wouldn’t tell their son every minute, every hour, every second of the day that he is wrong, because he’s in a different house then them.” Sirius’ voice is quiet, drifting off, shattered and dull and broken. “Family wouldn’t do that. They are not my family.”

Remus nods, glancing over at the essay lying on the ground. “I’m sorry, Sirius. I’m so sorry.”

Sirius shrugs. “Life is screwed up. Can’t do anything about it.”

“Why didn’t he leave?” Remus glands back down at the paper. “Why didn’t he leave with you? Why didn’t he run?”

Sirius lets out a short chuckle. “That’s Regulus. Always worried about the family’s reputation.” He bites his lip, hard, hard enough that the blood wells in his mouth. He welcomes the pai, the sudden bite of the air against the bleeding cut, and he scoffs. “Probably too scared to riks badgering mother.”

Remus frowns. “He sent you the letter.”

“Not that hard, to get one measly letter out the door.” Sirius mutters. He turns to the essay, almost ripping the paper in his ferocity. “I have to get this out.”

“Sirius - “ Remus sighs. “He’s your brother, Sirius. He cares for you.”

“Cares for me?” Sirius’ voice is flat. “I protected him. For 16 goddamn years I protected him. I took every Crucio, every Lacero, every Dolor and Confodere and Spinam and I did it to keep him safe because if he was hurt, it would kill me.” He stabs at the paper, tearing a rip in the side, smearing the ink over the page. “And I carry the scars around, all over my back, and he didn’t do anything. He did nothing, nothing to help me, nothing tos save me and when I finally snapped - “

“He let you go.” Remus’ voice is calm, gentle. He pulls away from the desk, cradling his shaking body with his own. “I could never imagine, what you go through. I’m just saying that maybe Regulus planned this out. Maybe he wanted you to hate him.”

Sirius lets out a short laugh. “Why would he want you to do that.”

“Because.” Remus brushes the hair from Sirius’ face. “You wouldn’t feel inclined to stay behind if you hated him.”

The words sink deep, slicing Sirius up inside, and he glares down at the floor, trying not to cry. “That’s not true. Why would he - “

There are gentle hands on his face, tilting his chin up, and Remus cuts him off with a kiss. It’s sloppy, at an awkward angle, Remus bending over him, just a slight brushing of lips, but Sirius feels himself melting. He reaches up, grasping Remus’ face, cupping his cheekbones with his palms, pressing them closer, pressing them harder, so close until all they can do is breathe each other in.

Remus huffs a laugh. “Distracted?”

“Shut up,” Sirius mutters, pulling Remus on top of him.

When Sirius wakes up the next morning, the couch is cold.

He sits up, frowning, running a hand through his already disheveled hair, glancing at the clock.

He almost falls off the cushions with shock. It’s 7:30, classes start in 45 minutes and he still has another 5 inches left on his essay -

The thought dies off as he looks beside him, sees the roll of parchment on the desk. Sirius gapes as he walks over, sees the scroll resting neatly on the table. Beside it is a note:

Sorry for distracting you. xoxox Re

#wolfstar #wolfstar angst #wolfstar writing #wolfstar fics #sirius black #sirius black writing #sirius black angst #sirius black fics #remus lupin #remus lupin angst #remus lupin fics #remus lupin writing #regulus black #the marauders #wolfstar fanfic #the marauders era #the marauders fanfic #my wolfstar writing

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jasiper · 5 years

Note

thsi is the anon from a while ago thatw as sending harrassing messages. im sorry. i was being immature, rude, and dumb. for that im sorry. im being fully honest with this ive felt guilt for the distressing and downright horrible messages. i know you might not forgive me (i dont blame you) but im sorry.

hi anon

gonna be real honest, every day i think about what you said to me and most times i wondered when you were coming back and what you were gonna say next to me. i limited my original posts, stopped updating my fics, tried not to do anything to put a target on my back. what you said did hurt me. a lot. you went out of your way to work around my blocks to bring me down. i still find it hard to write and a part of me thinks i’ll never be able to write again.

but (this comes as a surprise to me), when i read this ask, there wasn’t a doubt in my mind that i wasn’t going to forgive you. you went out of your way to hurt me, but you also went out of your way to apologize. so i do forgive me and i hope this is a learning lesson for you. i hope you don’t feel the need to tear another person down unjustifiably. i hope you decide to spread love and support for creators. and if there ever comes a time where someone (myself included) writes/makes something that you don’t like, i sincerely hope you don’t make them feel how you made me feel. even though you tore me down, i’m not going to hold onto the anger i feel towards you anymore, so i forgive you.

#anonymous #i feel really weird about posting this #but since you’re anonymous i can’t reply privately #anyway #this is a weird mess of emotions #i hope i’m coherent #megan's asked and answered #was jasonsmclean

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thirdstrikes · 6 years

Text

S6: let it rip (post vld s6 thoughts)

I HAVE ASCENDED AND AM ON ANOTHER PLANE OF EXISTENCE

LIKE I AM NEVER COMING DOWN FROM THIS

thought Season 3 was good? Season 5 was awesome? Season 6 is another BITCH entirely. best season ever, hands down.

okay let’s like talk about allurance this season? because bitches that was fucking all i wanted in life, and i got that and more. i’m immortal. i’m in heaven. i cannot be stopped. i’ve risen.

so basically voltron is a 100K+ slow burn allurance fic. good to know. that’s all she wrote. glad i finally know what i signed up for.

burn baby burn

god allura can like save lives? like she jumped out of her lion when lance got hit and saved him, regardless of the huge radiation belt like seconds from burning them to smithereens. he’s so important to her. he loves her so much. i’m in heaven. did i already say that?

lord lord lord the keith and krolia backstory? like hello, shit? his mother loves him so much, and keith finally knows the truth. all he ever knew about his mother is that she left him? but it’s. like jesus fucking on a toaster strudel, it wasn’t the mission she had to protect this whole time, it was him.

someone hold me, for the love of god hold me.

and two years? like what the fuck? are we all going to gloss over the fact that it’s been two years for them? like jesus fucking hell.

but he got that time with his mama, and he’s missed out on nearly 2 decades of it. i guess i’ll let him have this one.

nghh shiro wears papa kogane’s clothes. i love it. jesus. still didn’t get a fucking name for dad, vld peeps, i’m bitters

also the wolf is adorable and i love it and please name it cosmo. i have dubbed it so.

also jesus shit i saw that fucking lotura shit coming. i knew he’d betray her. and they had to get close for it to sting more. but the whole thing broke my heart cause i would have loved a good!lotor, and i guess he’s kinda understandable. he’s just got the altean purity outlook with galran tendencies, and that’s going to cause issues. he comes from a good place, but his morals and actions are skewed so far to the right it ain’t funny.

poor allura. girl got her heartbroken. i’m here for you baby. (lance is too!!!)

and oh SHE KNOW SHE KNOWS SHE KNOWS how he feels about her. like i literally CANT anymore.

and shiro baby? GLAD THE CLONE THEORY WAS RIGHT.

kudos to those who called a shiro farm!

dare we talk about episode 5, season 6: the black paladins? aka the best episode ever???

the A N I M A T I O N was off the charts! the art was wonderful! it was breathtaking.

keith with studio ghilbi hair like fuck me with a chainsaw it’s all i’m gonna be talking about for the next two years.

please kill me, everything about thsi episode was amazing and you can all fight me to the death if you have anything bad to say about it

KEITH: YOU MADE A PROMISE ONCE. YOU TOLD ME YOUD NEVER GIVE UP ON ME.

SHIRO: AND I SHOULD HAVE ABANDONED YOU. JUST LIKE YOUR PARENTS DID.

ME: *sobbing*

keith’s galra genes coming out to play? i mean who didn’t love that. that’s some hunka hunka burning hot love right there, man, yes siree.

god the sheith scene there was something out of a fanfic and i was sobbing, but i don’t know if it was cause i hadn’t peed in a few hours by this point, i was excited, or i was terrified. kind of a mix of all three probably.

i can wax poetry about episode 5 for the rest of my life. i wonder how long they spent on it. cause it looks and feels like a masterpiece. like amen. you all deserve awards. i elect this the best episode of animation in all of tv and media. thank you for coming to my ted talk.

YOU’RE MY BROTHER. I LOVE YOU.

fuck me with a chainsaw. did not expect to get that. it was beautiful.

can we just talk about how shiro was trapped in the astral plane? he fucking died at the end of season 2. but black saved his essense or whatever. like shit dude. didn’t expect to be right about that.

the others couldnt hear shiro cause they’re connection wasn’t strong enough. but keith did it. their bond was enough. i love them.

also guys guys keith’s “i love you” nearly broke through to kuron. their bond is strong enough to convert even the most deadset nonbeliever.

all versions of shiro love keith, no matter what happens or who they are. it’s canon now, bitches.

okay i think i’m done talking about episode 5.

let’s face i never will be. sorry not sorry bitches.

the last 3 episodes were done beautifully. like the animation was breathtaking. the characters were amazing. the final fight was beautiful.

i could have it be a series finale and the show never continues right now, and i’d be fine with it. that’s how good this season was.

and then them bringing shiro back? like props to allura. girl you doing great, sweetie. i’m so proud of you.

YOU FOUND ME. Y O U F O U N D ME.

on a list of things i will never be over

poor lance. oh my god, there were tears, but he’s one of my favorites. god i loved him this season. my baby i love you. he thought he had failed shiro, and that hurt. jesus he cares so much.

i legit cried when the castle got destroyed. it’s been their home. i think i quoted hunk and i ain’t even seen the episode before.

but now they’re going back to earth and i’m living

and basically this whole season was a blessing that we did not deserve

amen

please come talk to me about this shit. it’s all i’m gonna be thinking about.

#voltron #allurance #sheith #voltron season 6 #vld spoilers #voltron spoilers

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zuffer-weird-girl · 4 years

Note

A Scenario where kai and his s/o have a really big fight He says some very hurtful things and she disappears for 3 days or something (she's at her grandparents in the hills) Ande the others are like oh shit are they gonna break up? Fluff ending tho ny heart can't handle too much angst

It feels great to write again, just got out from a writing block

"You're being irrational." He sighed in pure annoyance and rolling his eyes at his lover, whose scoffed and crossed her arms in disbelief at hearing his words.

"Am I? Or is it you that is so hard to stop being so damn arrogant for once?"

He let his pen go and hit his office's desk to send her a glare, clearly displeased by her choice of words. Normally, if it was anyone else, they would be quivering in fear at only one look of his; but this was (Y/n) whose he was talking with.

The girl was just as stubborn as him, and never once trembled neither widen her eyes in fear of him. Which caused at first for him to be extremely annoyed.

"Don't give me that look." She scowled "You know that you're in the wrong side this time."

"Sure." He scoffed sarcastically while returning his attention to his papers "Like ever argument that we have right? Oh, my bad." He send her one glare while arching his eyebrow up "You never once was right in neither of those, so what makes you think that this time is different?"

"Because it was wrong from you!" You said in exasperation "Just because a guy touched me asking for information you overhauled the poor man! Why?!"

"He was sick." He said through gritted teeth, after half of a hour of this nonsense he was getting way too impatient "Apologies if I was trying to prevent the same happening for you dearest." He said in venom sarcasm.

"Kai this is not even protecting, this is madness!" You exclaimed while his eyes grew darker and darker by the minutes it passed.

Half an hour later it passed with you two discussing and the words only got darker and offensive. His skin was already interrupting in hives while you at least tried to reason with him, but he was not having it.

"For crying out loud why can't you listen to me for once?!" You were almost ripping your hair out while he coldly stared at you, but the red spots growing on his skin showed you that he was just as fed up as you were.

"Because apparently I am dating a fucking idiot who can't even know when someone is sick or not." He said while glaring daggers in your eyes before he sighed more to himself "Why did I put myself so low to be with you?"

The moment those words left his mouth he immediately widened his eyes in realization before he looked at your hurt yet shock expression. He knew already all about your insecurities, he knew that sometimes you thought you were too little for him even if it was the exact opposite... yet he said those things.

"... (Y/n). I didn't meant that." He tried to extend his hand but you quickly took a step back away from him.

"Sorry." You said between gritted teeth as you tried to hold back the tears "But I don't want to hear it. Not anymore."

He didn't even blinked and you were already out of his office, even despite his shouts for you to come back, you didn't.

He growled out loud before propting down against his chair and resting his forehead on his gloved hand with a sigh.

You were just being childish. You knew already all about his personality and such. He just needed to give time for both of you to calm down to later sorta this thing out... maybe if he sended a precept to buy something for you would ease his issue a bit...

Returning to his work was a struggle since the only thing that sticked to his kind and made his heart clench in a horrible way was seing the hurt in your expression and the tears threating to escape from your lashes....

He growled in displeasure as his worry grew at seing another room of his house without even the sign of his lover.

No one in the base neither saw you after that petty discussion. And he was almost even expecting the damn rooftop to see if he could find you at this point.

Normally he would think that he would sound pathetic at calling your cellphone, but he was actually worried at this point.

It ringed for a bit as he walked around in the house and shortly after he scowled at hearing the ring of your cellphone coming from you guys shared room... so you were going to do that huh?

He growled again, scratching only a bit his arm before placing his cellphone back on his pocket. Noticing Chrono walking towards him he immediately arched his eyebrow, demanding answers from his commurate.

"She left."

"How and why didn't that good for nothing stoped her?" He growled while Chrono shrugged. "Where?"

"We... have no idea." He gulped a bit at the way those golden orbs darkened at his words while he turned and walked away.

He was close to his own room before he saw Pops enjoying a cup of tea on the living room. The elder, noticing his sucessor looking at him, mentioned with his hand for Chisaki to join him on the living room.

"My boy you surely surpassed yourself this time." Teh elder commented while chisaki took a seat, the young man stoically watching his eyebrows "It takes a lot to anger my daughter in law." He sipped a bit on his black tea with a serious face "And considering that I know her less than you do... I can tell you didn't measure your words. At all."

He furrowed his eyebrows before scoffing and looking at the ceiling in annoyance.

"She came talking with you then? So mature..."

"Well, I came to her actually. After all, poor thing was crying rivers alone."

His chest tightened at hearing his mentor saying such things as he hesitantly looked back at the elder, eyes closed and cup still on his hand.

"So I take it you know where she is.." the elder nodded, still eyes closed.

"You got nothing to worry. She went to spend sometime on her grandparents house, so her safety is assured."

"You can't be sure of that." He hissed while Pops sighed, finally opening hiis eyes to look properly at Chisaki with a sympathetic frow on his forehead.

"Chisaki. I take that this girl is important for you. But you also dont measure your words and actions and even if by accident hurts her deeply." He grunted a bit to lift himself "My advice is that you don't just go barging onto her family's house demanding her back. I know you. Just give some time."

The young man glared daggers at the ground while he interlocked his gloved hands together, tensing up a bit at the hand of Pops on his shoulder.

"I know how much you value her, and didn't meant those words... But you always take things way too far Chisaki." He patted Kai's shoulder a bit before lefting the young yakusa boss alone on the room, alone with his thoughts and nothing less.

Three days. Three miserable days and you still didn't even dare to send him some message if you were even alive or not.

He took Pops advice, secretly hoping that by the next day you would appear amd apologize for being long for ao long... but that didn't happened.

He was way too prideful also to admit he was fucking wrong and to look after you like some desperate dog... he felt miserable and even more less patience with his subbordinates than ever, so much that he almost overhauled Rappa for only calling him 'overjerk' on his back... something that normally he wouldn't even mind to care neither bother to be irritated with.

With your absence it came also his longing for sleep. He wouldn't admit out loud, but you were the main reason he had so many good nights of sleep; without any warnings at nights or the constant night terrors he at the past chosed to ignore it.

The guilty was slowly building up after this, he only felt disgusting shivers and scowled when he remembered those words he spoke to you and even if he sat on his office chair he would see the image replaying like a damn broken CD....

He was rubbing his temple with both hand s as he tried to concentrate on reading the tax in front of him before a knocked interrupted his actions.

"Say your name and business. And I hope is something important." He growled before the door opened slowly, the minute he went to argue with teh poor soul entering he widen his eyes a bit when he saw you entering a bit hesitantly and closing the door from behind you.

"Hey..." you said awkwardly, eyes more interested om his bookshelf than anything as you rubbed a bit your arm.

He blinked a bit before he gulped the thick air stuck on his throat.

"Y... you're back."

"I guess." You said with a bit of discomfort in your voice, probably because ever since you entered he didn't took his eyes out of you.

He slowly pushed himself up to walk towards you, some inches apart from you as your eyes were still locked with the bookshelf.

"I... I am..." he scoffed at hearing himself talking "Apologies... I didn't meant any of those atrocities, but it doesn't either erase the pain you must have felt on that time... neither me admiting will heal this, I know..."

You finally looked at him and this time it was his turn to avert his eyes from you, ashamed of his actions and the way he made the person he cared for deeply feel.

"... I should have at least told you where I was expending, I heard taht you were worried-"

"No, no." He interrupted, lifting one of his palm in gesture as the other one rubbed a bit his temple "You at least told Pops about it... neither was a obligation."

"... you mean that?" You asked, while.he looked at you in confusion "Your apology, you mean it?"

"... of course." He looked a bit down, eyes furrowed while glaring at the floor "The last thing I want is to dissapoint or hurt you... yet, I did and do thsi constantly without even noticing it...

You sighed a bit, opening your arms to wrap them around your lover carefully, feeling his body tense at the contact immediately but surprisingly relaxing shortly minutes after.

When he felt your slung coming in contact with his he swore he could feel his heartbeat almost exploding and body erupting into flames... he didn't had noticed that after three days he came to crave to feel again that angelic touch of yours on his rough skin, merely taking all of his discomfort and unpleasant nights as only annoyance of your actions...

"For you to apologize it takes a lot..." you squeezed him bit while he let out a rather shaky breath and awkwardly wrapped his arms around your midsection "I thought that you were just simple going to ignore or let go of it.."

"I couldn't." He said while brushing his fingers through your hair as he rested his head on yours "Yet you even accelt this apology...?" He frowned at feeling your nodding on his neck as he tightened his embrace on you "I will make it up... trust me angel. I will."

"Looking forward to it..." after what felt like years, he felt at ease at feeling your lips in contact with his bare skin, forming that sweet smile he came to love.

#overhaul x reader #overhaul scenario #overhaul headcanons #fanfic overhaul #overhaul #chisaki kai imagine scenario #kai chisaki x reader #chisaki kai x reader #chisaki kai #kai chisaki #bnha imagine #bnha x reader #bnha characters #bnha villains #bnha #my writing #zuffer writings

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