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astrobydalia · 4 months

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🪐 Astro Observations!!!✨

Happy 2024 babes! Here’s to another year sharing astrology stuff with all of you 🤩

work by astrobydalia

Yes water moons have great intuition and could be psychic but I very often notice they tend to allow their personal feelings interfere with their decisions and could tend to not follow their intuition as much. The ones that have a more reliable or unbiased intuition imo are Earth moons and Aquarius moon.

Scorpio Venus really do gravitate to unhealthy relationships… All their connections tend to have unfair or imbalanced dynamics to them where there’s no equal give and take. They believe love means throwing yourself and your life away for another person (or they expect someone to give everything away for them) with little to nothing in return. They may not understand the difference between deep intimacy and unhealthy attachment

Libra placements and their ability to appear likable even when they have the shittiest personality deep down

In my opinion Moon is the most important planet if you really wanna begin to know someone at their core. Ultimately no planet can give you full info without the context of the whole chart tho (#AllPlanetsMatter), but you can really uncarcarve sm about someone just by moon placement/aspects/degree, etc. Moon rules your needs and so it really cements your personality and its an energy that you'll project in so many areas of your life (relationships, career, etc)

Fixed Mars are ARGUMENTATIVE fr fr. They need to have the last word and will die on that hill if they have to💀Honorable mention: Virgo/Gemini Mars due to Mercury influence but they’re more about friendly banter and aren’t as stubborn

80% of Aries Moons I've met were very philosophical/spiritual/religious. They can develop a self-awareness that gives them a lot of wisdom. The other 20% were just adult toddlers and very egotistic...

Capricorn placements and their internalized elitism. They really do believe some people are better than others which is the shadow of Capricorn unfortunately

Aquarius Moons are some of the most traumatized people I know fr fr. Whenever I get to know their life and backstory Im always like bro….😶😶 It makes me so sad cause they always bring such good vibes everywhere (they have a playful aura) when in reality there’s a depth of pain underneath you wouldn’t even fathom through that unbothered persona. The OG misunderstood.

We all know Scorpio is all about depth, intensity and looking beyond the surface but I’ve very often observed the exact opposite in scorpio placements. They could tend to be very superficial, greedy and materialistic, more obsessed with wealth and status than any earth placement (it all comes down to power). In such cases their interest in occult or deep topics could also be superficial or opportunistic, like they only see it as something that could give them a leg up in life or help them avoid unseen threats but that's about it.

Cancer Risings do not come across as sensitive at all. They tend to have a rather sassy personality and are pretty defensive 90% of the time tbh. Think about it, are crabs 🦀 cute and cuddly? No, you actually actually have to be very careful around one cause they sting lol. They do wear their heart on their sleeves and are very sensitive and perceptive but because of this they constantly feel like their vulnerability is out for everyone to see hence the guarded attitude.

^I've also noticed they are VERY opinionated and will hold on very tightly to how they think/feel about something. This results in having a reputation for being kinda bold and sharp (Aries 10th). Pro tip: do NOT question these native's morals or integrity unless you wanna see a very snappy side to them, they respond very very very badly if you even insinuate that they might be hypocritical in their values/what matters to them

The interpretation that Aquarius in the 4th house means you’re an outcasted black sheep in the family low-key doesn’t make sense to me tbh. Aquarius is the sign of camaraderie, friendship, inclusivity and community. All the people that I’ve seen with this placement were actually very bonded to their roots and considered their family (and the people they bonded with during childhood) to be "their people" (they also keep their friends close to heart). These natives do tend to distinct themselves as they grow up but this is due to Leo 10th house. I've noticed their family is in general very supportive of them or at the very least they received some input in their upbringing that made them feel special and/or like their uniqueness was celebrated. Feel free to share your opinion/experience tho

I've noticed Virgo Mars people have a perfect balance between being confident in themselves and fulling trusting their abilities while also staying humble and acknowledge room for improvement. Very mature and self-accountable and they're also great people to work with cause they are highly appreciative of good contribution

Sagittarius placements and their ability to be casually rude in a charming way??? 😭

Moon in the 10th house do not have a reputation for being emotional at all, it's quite the opposite they dislike exposing their feelings like that. A lot of their energy is spent trying to appear put-together and emotionally stable. The ones I've noticed have a reputation for being moody or sensitive are Mars in the 10th house

Venus-Moon aspects probably grew up in an environment that fed up this idea they had to be beautiful and conventionally likable in order to be worthy of love. These natives tend to base their self-worth on the amount of emotional validation they get from others and struggle telling the difference between kindness and love

A couple notes on everyone’s fave topic: 8th house synastry

We all know this overlay deals with power dynamics. On a general basis I’ve noticed it’s the planet person who tends to have the upper hand. Exeption: Moon. When your moon falls in someone’s 8th house you tend to be vulnerable one due to the soft nature of this planet, but the house person secretly feels more intimidated

You will NAWT be able to keep secrets from someone you have 8th house synastry with specially if you’re the house person. Sooner or later they’ll see through you, circumstances might force you to expose yourself or you’ll simply feel drawn to revealing the truth to them. With water synastry in general you will feel drawn to share more deep or hidden parts of yourself/your life but with the 8th house you can’t help it, like there’s almost an accusatory tension between the two that grows the more you try to hide something from them

Something I see no one mentioning about 8th house synastry is the planet person always feels intimidated by the house person's success. The planet person will try to take part in the house person's success by taking some credit and have a sense of control over what belongs to the house person, it's giving Kanye's "I made that bitch famous". At best the planet person would want to help boost the house person's endeavors. Either way, when someone's planets land on your 8th house, you will never feel like something is completely yours anymore, somehow the planet person will "take" something away from you that you can't get back making you feel like you owe them or they owe you something big (8th house=debt), which is why this overlay very often goes south and tends to be very depleting.

If we're talking business (which 8th house deals with that) the house person is likely to take a risk on the planet person, invest on them (can be money, time, resources, trust, etc) in hopes that it'll pay off. The house person is most likely to loose something from their involvement with the planet person, but they can also gain a lot from the planet person if the investment pays off. In either case, one could tend to exploit the other if there’s any ill intent from the individual

Water mars people are very smothering in their affection tbh. Once you’ve been chosen, get ready to be bombarded by their attention a bit more each time. Secret stalker vibes.This doesn’t always mean they love you tho, if underdeveloped they may want to “bond” in order to have emotional control over you and use you. For them it’s easy to get what they want through manipulation so leading people on or fooling around is something they tend to do a lot

Going back to the affection topic, water venus are smothering too but they go about their obsession devotion in a much more soft and non-domineering way where they give a lot of power away to their partner

People with Gemini+Scorpio placements in their chart embody the mischievous trickster archetype fr fr. They’re funny but also a menace. Have an ease to become that type of deceitful manipulator who thrives in chaos

I have a theory that your Moon represents the kind of bond or relationship you have with your mother but Ceres represents how your mother actually is

Capricorn and Scorpio placements are huge tsunderes imo 😭

Chiron in Sagittarius/9th house have become disappointed with religious and/or academic institutions. For them both systems are essentially flawed and don't work or don't make sense

+When it comes to religion I've seen a lot of them being atheist and skeptics. Some others still believed in god/universe/etc. but they did not want to support any stablished religious institution and instead have preferred to craft their own belief system. In both cases, they saw the institutionalization of believe systems as something that hindered their freedom of thought and expansion

+When it comes to academics a very similar thing happens. They felt like collage and the educational system restricted their mind instead of expanding it so they just preferred to walk their own path and find growth elsewhere. A friend of mine with this placement quit collage and the other people I've seen who did finish it all said they had a kinda dreadful and/or unfulfilling collage experience which they low-key regret

If you’ve ever felt powerless in the house where you have your pluto, that’s because you gave your power away to the opposite house. For example, if you have Pluto in the 5th house and you felt powerless when it comes to expression, your creativity, etc that’s because you gave too much power to the public opinion/peer pressure (11th house) and what they may say about you if you express yourself genuinely

Scorpio Moons always battle with that "am I a good person?", "am I a monster deep down?" inner conflict. They are more in touch with darker emotions and experiences than the average person so for them it's particularly easy to channel their shadow. This can often make them doubt their own integrity or think they are doomed to never feel happiness and inner peace. This is moon's debilitation for a reason, their inner emotional world is ruled by chaos and turmoil and they tend to be a bit too comfortable (moon) in toxicity and drama, nothing is ever light-hearted for them. If developed this ability of staying in touch with the shadow side of things can actually give them lots of awareness and resilience for the darker sides of the world as well as a very solid moral compass and compassion

Leo Moons likely had grandiose standards forced on them that inflated their self-importance. It's giving "mommy told me I am the best and most special of all" which is great but now they be carrying that mindset for the rest of their lives and this is where lot of their infamous sensitivity and fragile ego comes from cause not fulfilling these standards deeply hurts their heart. In consequence they tend to be more unprepared to accept humbling experiences that'll make them mature

virgo risings are funny!!!! I haven't seen anyone mention this, but every virgo rising I've met cracked me UP, they are so witty and never misse a chance to throw in a cheeky joke every 2 minutes. I think this is overlooked because they keep a rather awkward demeanor to them which often makes for a rather dry delivery. Best examples of this are Ryan Raynolds, Keanue Reeves, Emma Watson, Cole Sprouse...

Also, all Virgo risings I've met tend to come across as huge snobs so it's very common that people don't take their humor or friendliness seriously

Honestly I've noticed this theme with Virgo/6th house inner placements in general where their judgemental nature always makes them unfriendly or snarky to some degree. They can be the kind of people who are never happy with anything and always have a bone to pick.

My main theory as to why Leo risings are the most shy out of all Leo placements is because a lot of them grew up in very problematic and dysfunctional families (Scorpio 4th house) where they were shamed for showing vulnerability or being genuine (Cancer 12th house)

I’ve noticed Aries Suns and Capricorn Suns tend to relate a lot to their fathers, they tend to have very similar character traits as their fathers. For good or for bad their relationship with their father is always very important in their personality.

I find that LEO Suns and Sagittarius Suns always be having daddy issues tho like 😭😭😭😭

One thing about Capricorn is they can be literal billionaires and yet will still refuse to spend a dime on something they think is not worth it

Mutable Moons don’t commit 10000% to things, they’re the type to always have a foot out just in case. They're most likely to commit to things if they don't feel forced or expected to stay permanently

Cardinal energy is very consistent and responsable. People with prominent cardinal placements have a really developed sense of agency, focus and direction (imo this will be more obvious with moon, mars and asc). There's something about them that always gives me this put together "I've got this" kinda vibe, they always seem like they've got it together and always know what to do even when they're lost.

Fixed mercuries and their inability to understand or accept that two different points can be true

Sun/Leo in the 3rd house could want to have a nice car, an expensive or luxurious car from a well-known brand

I’ve seen people saying Venus-Mars conjunction gives it girl vibes. This is also HIGHLY true for Mars-ruled Venus (Aries/Scorpio Venus) or Venus-ruled Mars (Libra/Taurus Mars)

work by astrobydalia

#astrology #astro #astro observations #astro notes #zodiac #birth chart #astrobydalia

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st-eve-barnes · 5 months

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How are we all feeling the day after??

I wanted to make a post and maybe nobody cares but there's just a few things I want to get off my chest after yesterday.

First of all I LOVED the sense of community on here, how we all anticipated this new content as if it was Christmas coming early, how we freaked out over every new photo and clip together, feeling anxious and overly excited, this is what fangirling is all about for me. A HUGE thank you to everyone who shared videos, took the time to make gifs and edits. I'm not going to name blogs or tag people in this post but you all know who you are. This fandom is blessed with all of you❤️

Next up: Ewan❤️❤️ I had some concerns beforehand knowing he's so introverted but I feel so proud of how he handled this whole thing, so happy to see him happy and see how warm the fans accepted him and made him feel loved. Brazil, you did an amazing job! You could tell it really helped him feel comfortable as well, and while he was clearly very nervous I could see the joy and how proud he was whenever he gave a great answer. Prepared or not, that doesn't matter, it was wonderful to hear him talk so thoughtfully about Aemond. I also loved how open and sweet he seemed, hugging everyone, engaging with fans and even taking selfies afterwards. I had NOT expected that part and it makes me so hopeful for the future.

But...you know I was getting to the bad stuff, right?

I also got severe flashbacks from previous fandoms yesterday and I did not like it one bit.

The more content there is the more people have opinions. They don't like what he's wearing or how he/his hair looks, they analyze his every move in the panels, question his answers or worse question his entire personality and sexuality.

Even if some comments feel harmless it's all a lot of negative energy that gets put out there. And it opens doors we should not open.

Can we as a fandom please stay out of Ewan's love life/sexuality? It has nothing, absolutely nothing to do with us or why we all adore him so much. It changes nothing about who he is, it does not affect your own life at all. Literally not at all.

You don't like his outfit? Cool, that's fair, it was a bold choice, I understand it's not everyone's cup of tea. But is it really necessary to point that out and make several posts about it?

I know this is the internet generation's right to state their opinion on everything, and maybe this is my age showing, but sometimes there is truth in "If you can't say anything nice don't say anything at all."

I don't want this to be a call out post because it's not and I'm the last person to call people out, I've made comments in previous fandoms as well that I'm not proud of, I think we all have esp in the heat of the moment. And maybe I'm too sensitive because I've seen it happen in other fandoms, how quickly the negativity and gossip can take over and ruin a good thing.

I don't want this to happen to this fandom cause despite some petty drama it's been such a fun, amazing space for me over this past year and I'd like that to continue.

I guess this a general soft request to all of us to be a little kinder next time we get new content, maybe don't be so critical and just enjoy what we're getting?

(Because lord knows chances are he's going back into his cave for months now lol)

Anyway, I don't want to end on a negative, yesterday was amazing and I'm still shaking. I feel so proud to support Ewan, he's really something special, I feel that even more after yesterday. And despite the negative I'm also proud to be part of this fandom and this little community on here and I'd love to freak out with all of you a lot more often in the future ;)

#ewan mitchell #ewan nation

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luvfy0dor · 7 months

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I Like my Boyfriend !! ♡ Fyodor Dostoevsky x GN!Reader ༉‧₊˚.

╰┈➤ Word Count; 2.9k ♡

Warnings; Cheating, angst, some Sigma x reader, abandonment, perchance ooc

Description; Your boyfriend wasn't treated the best as a member of the DOA, the sole benefit being the casino he gets, but that casino is the very place his own partner starts to feel more for his boss than him.

A/N; Im so sorry y'all I know I should be doing requests instead but I think I won't be able to work on other stuff if I don't write this out ykwim 😞

The sky casino became just as much of your home as Sigmas when you started seeing him romantically. You spent many nights there, convincing Sigma to come and lie down with you when he was over working himself or massaging his shoulders after he had to deal with a stressful conflict between visitors. Sigma had welcomed you into his home with open arms once he was convinced you wouldn't take advantage of his naivety, sharing his rather short yet tragic life story and entrusting that you would be as loyal to him as he was to you.

The heels of Sigmas shoes clicked against the floor, making a soft tapping sound as you walked through the Casino corridors, his arm hooked around yours. His long, choppy hair fell over his shoulders so beautifully, the silky strands bouncing as he walked. He seemed tired today, having a little less pep in his step then usual, if you could even call it that. Energy was a better word, the poor boy looked utterly drained this morning. These are all the things you would usually notice and tell him about later, either through means of complimenting him or gently scolding him for spending too many hours memorizing small details about the casino's customers. Today was different, though. Your mind was clouded with the thoughts of someone else, another man, specifically the one you were so excitedly making your way to visit.

Ofcourse, whenever Sigma is around, you feigned strong dislike towards Fyodor, but that couldn't be further from the truth. You enjoyed your short time spent around Fyodor, he was utterly sublime in your eyes in every single category; smarts, looks, and honestly everything else. Despite his musty-seeming aura, he actually kept himself very hygienic. He showered every morning, alluring you with the clean and fresh scent of whatever soap he used to scrub away any accumulated dirt from the day prior. The quiet and quick glances you took of each other made your heart flutter, having to bite your lip in order to hold back a flustered, shaky breath.

You didn't realize just how emotionally disloyal you were to Sigma until he started ranting about Fyodor one evening and you objected him. It's not like you said anything too jaw dropping in your opinion, instead you said something along the lines of "Don't you think you're exaggerating a bit, honey? He's not all that bad." Was that the right thing to say to your boyfriend in that moment? No, absolutely not. Would that be the right thing to say to Sigma in literally any other moment? No, absolutely not². You knew that, you knew that real good and well, yet you couldn't stop your words once they already started to pour out of your mouth like a waterfall. The look of absolute shock and betrayal that painted Sigmas face was one you wouldn't forget in a million lifetimes. You could still hear the sound of his angered, yet not aggressive questions lingering in the back of your head at all times. Anytime you peeked in Fyodors direction with a blush on your face, you heard it.

"Y/n, are you being serious? You know about everything he's done, to me, to all those innocent people!" Sigma quietly murmured to you, the room falling silent with no white noise in the background to take your attention away from his truthful words. "And you really think he's not all that bad?" He says, visibly heartbroken, especially since he had shared all this with you; he trusted you to be the first person to back him up when he participated in Fyodor discourse, you taking the opposing side was something he could almost never predict. In all honesty, he didn't think you would have the heart to.

Sigma firmly believed that if you fell in love with another man, you would atleast tell him instead of leading him along like a horse with a carrot on a stick, but he was clearly wrong. He noticed your brief glances and exchanges with Fyodor, he noticed the way you started to get more nervous around him, and not the unsettling nervousness. It was the kind of nervousness a high schooler would have when talking with their crush. The kind of nervousness you get when you quickly interact with someone you've been so actively pursuing for months now, feeling as though you're finally making progress over a mumbled "excuse me" or "I'm sorry." Sigma believed that you were making progress with redirecting your hearts focus to him rather than to his superior, but today was going to either prove him right or wrong.

"Are you alright?" Sigma asks, the speed of his walking slowing down a bit as he turns to you, his eyes fluttering from your eyes to your lips quickly. You gave him a small smile and nodded. "Ofcourse, why do you ask?" You softly ask him, twirling some of his hair around your finger.

"No particular reason. You just seem a little...dazed this morning. Did you sleep well?" You hummed in confirmation, giving his hand a small squeeze. "Ofcourse I did, I had you sleeping next to me." You smile, knowing damn well you were lying through your teeth. You still loved Sigma, but recently many nights you found yourself gazing out the window, watching the stars for a while as you question your relationship with him. The main reason you stayed was because you weren't confident that Fyodor was in love with you the way you were in love with him.

"Alright." Sigma sighs, reaching for the handle of one of two big doors that towered over you both. "Let's just get this done and over with." He mumbles, pushing the door inwards and walking into the relatively spacious office. Fyodor sits in one of the chairs near Sigmas desk, adjusting his ushanka as he gazes at you both over his shoulder. "Good morning, Fyodor." Sigma says, sitting in his personal chair. Your eyes were glued on Fyodor as your brain turned off it's comprehension function, to dazed by the beauty of his gorgeous, purple eyes. You could hear both of the men speaking, but you had no idea what either of them were saying. You listened to the Russian accent in Fyodors voice, imagining him saying the things you wanted him to. You wanted to hear him tell you how lovely and fantastic you are, you wanted him to tell you he wanted to spend every moment of the day with you, your mind even slipping into fantasies of marrying him; envisioning pretty flowers on tables and what you would say in your vows.

You snapped out of your fantasy just in time to notice Fyodor looking straight at you, continuing to talk with sigma but staring into your soul. You blushed and averted your eyes from him for the very first time since you arrived in the room, diving back deep into your silly little fantasies about an average life with Fyodor before being so rudely interrupted by a loud and echoing knock. Sigma beckoned the person inside, the person only turning out to be one of the casinos many lower-ranked staff.

"Sigma, you're needed out on the floor. I'm not quite sure for what, but one of the customers requested to speak with you." This evoked a loud sigh from Sigma, who didn't really want to leave you alone with a man you had been "all over" a couple of months ago (and still were) , but he really had no choice. In the end, however, he would sacrifice you and your loyalty if it meant he got to keep the one thing he finds true, genuine, and unwavering stability in. The familiar sound and echo of his shoes fill in the silence, the door being left wide open deliberately. The staff member follows Sigma out onto the casino floor, leaving you and Fyodor in the room together, sitting across from each other. You stared at him for a moment, and leaned back in your chair.

"I noticed your staring. Do I have something on my face?" He asks, his calm yet teasing smile made a shiver run up your spine, giddy over the entire situation. Your boyfriend has stepped away, leaving you with your dream man. Alone. You shook your head at Fyodors question.

"No, no. Sorry." You mutter an apology, blushing. He hums, watching as you twiddle your thumbs or twirl your hair, doing anything you possibly could to avoid eye contact. He softly chuckles. "You seem so nervous around me...do I make you anxious? Are you scared of me?" He asks, continuing to tease you and trying to get you to admit your attraction, to which you shake your head quickly. "Not at all, no. I just...sorry, I didn't mean to stare...zoned out." You mumble. He lets out a soft "ohhh" , nodding and leaning back in his chair, his legs crossed.

The room falls silent for a moment, the clouds slowly passing by outside hold your attention. You can so clearly feel his eyes burning holes in the back of your head, and if that had hurt you, it must have been utterly agonizing for him. You turn to look at him, your head tilting ever so slightly. Your eyes immediately lock with his, creating even more tension in the room than you had previously thought possible. "I know where your attraction lies." He says with a smirk, resting his head on his slightly balled fists. Your face felt as though it had immediately lit up in flames of embarrassment, trying to arrange your words in the most intelligible way possible.

"Ofcourse you do, you're a smart man." You say, raising one of your eyebrows and bouncing your leg a bit. "Ah, and Sigma is not?" He mutters with a large grin. You sigh a bit, shaking your head.

"I don't recall saying that." He hums, nodding. "You didn't say that, but it was kind of implied. Unless, ofcourse, Sigma knows that you're far more interested in me than you are in him." He says, rising from his chair and walking over to you. He gently grasps your face, squeezing your cheeks ever so slightly between his thumb and every other finger. His gaze flickers between your eyes and lips in the same way Sigmas had earlier that day. This time, instead of feeling nothing at all, you felt a strong, almost magnetic urge to connect your lips to his. One of your hands found itself on Fyodors chest, the other on his thin bicep.

"You're right, it did sound that way. I think he knows, but I think he's really trying to salvage the relationship." You say, subconsciously leaning into Fyodors body. You barely felt sorry, any pang of guilt that nearly hit your heart was rebounded right off because of the high speed that Fyodor had caused it to beat at. The pure excitement and thrill you felt any time he acknowledged your existence made your heart flutter, easily overriding every other emotion. You knew he could feel it too, his eyes softening compared to when he conversed with Sigma, a new gentleness to them. His thumb gently caressed your jawline as he shamelessly stared at your lips. "Hm, so you're leading him on, no?" A soft chuckle erupts from his chest, his hand moving away from your face to rest in the space between your neck and shoulder, almost pulling you in closer.

"You're right again, what a surprise." You smile, flashing your teeth in the slightest as you both mutually lean in, ready to kiss before Fyodor brings his finger up to your lips. "Hm, no, not right at this moment." He grins, pulling away and removing his hands from your neck. You can't help but frown at the lack of affection, this doesn't go unnoticed by the highly observant Fyodor.

"You can get all of that and more from Sigma, dear." He smiles, almost as if he were trying to pull a confession out of you, and boy, was it working. Both of you knew you didn't want that attention from Sigma, not anymore at least. You had seemingly gotten bored after about a year or so. Ofcourse Sigma had his qualities that kept you enthralled for some amount of time, but Fyodor really could offer you all that and a bag of chips. Fyodor was more so your type than Sigma was, and obviously Sigma was beautiful, but Fyodor was resplendent. Sigma was determined, but Fyodor was unwavering, every quality you seemingly loved about Sigma was easily one-upped by Fyodor, and yet you still stayed with Sigma.

You groan a bit. "Fyodor, I don't want the affection from him." You say, caressing his shoulders as he sits, planted in the original chair he had greeted you both from. You softly stroke the fur on Fyodors ushanka as he hums, acknowledging your statement. "Oh, I'm fully aware of that." He mutters. "Why do you think you deserve it? You're quite rude. Leading such a naive man on like that." His grin never fades as he sits cross-legged in the comfortable chair, teasing you with his words.

"You can't talk, you've done worse, and regardless, Sigma may be naive, but he's not emotionally stupid." You say, trying to convince Fyodor to hand you the love and attention that you want from him on a silver platter. He hums, seemingly thinking for a moment. "Mm...maybe later, we'll see." His Russian accent is as present as ever while he speaks.

You nod. "Alright, I guess it'll be worth the wait." You say, playfully rolling your eyes before returning to your chair next to Sigmas. It doesn't take too much longer for Sigma to re-enter the room, reclaiming his spot next to you, the spot that you wish was being occupied by Fyodor. Again, you zoned out, not really caring to listen to whatever it was that they were blabbering about. You found yourself stuck in some demented loop every time Fyodor was in your presence, always ending up almost entranced by him. Bewitched, even, and then going back to Sigma the second he left yet still having him overtake your thoughts and desires. This had to come to an end, and you knew it.

As soon as Fyodor exited the room, you would tell Sigma everything. About how you've simply fallen for Fyodor instead, not intending to break his heart but going unbothered if you did. About how you've been thinking about it for a couple of months now and it was time to end this. It just was not what your heart wanted and had it gone on any longer, it likely would have been detrimental to Sigma. Your heart simply could not beat for him anymore.

You heard them wrap their conversation up, Fyodor standing to shake Sigmas hand, which he hesitantly accepted. They said their goodbyes, and Fyodor grinned at you before he walked out of the office room. Sigma sighed and sat back down for a moment. He looked exasperated, and you knew what you're about to say was only going to make things worse.

"Sigma." You called his name softly, not wanting to disturb him just yet. You gently massage his scalp as he hums in response, leaning his head back into your hands. "I'm not in love with you anymore." You mumble. You can hear his breath hitch and his eyes widening for a moment, his whole body freezing as if someone had hit a pause button on his life. He brings his hand up and pushes yours off of his head, getting up out of his chair. "And you're one hundred percent sure of that?" He asks, his face still having a baffled expression. You nod.

"Alright. Get out." He says, pointing to the door of his office. A part of you wants to apologize, but it would be disingenuous, so you only nod as you head for the doors. Once you shut them behind you, you pick up your speed to a jog and search the hallways for Fyodor. You turn numerous corners before you spot the familiar black fabric of his cape, encouraging you to pick up your pace a little more. "Fyodor!" You call out to him, slowing down when he turns around and grins, indicating your possession of his attention. You walk up to him and start to speak after catching your breath.

"Him and I are over, we're done, I'm not leading him along anymore." You admit, staring deep into Fyodors eyes. "Oh, and how are you so sure I'm not doing the exact same thing to you that you did to him?" Fyodor asks, his hair falling towards one side as he tilts his head, looking you up and down. You roll your eyes a bit. "Are you?" You question the Russian man in front of you.

"No, but what if I was? That would certainly be a crime-fitting punishment scenario, I feel." A small smile is present on his face as he looks at you, taking in every detail of your face, noticing how truly void it was of guilt for your actions. Maybe some pity for Sigma, but nothing more. You smile at his sentence. "Hmm...I don't know, I'd probably be pretty sad." You murmur, placing one hand on his shoulder. "So it's a good thing you're not.

He grins and leans in before whispering softly against your lips. "It absolutely is, someone needs to give you that attention you crave so desperately, right?" He softly says, his grin doesn't fade as your lips connect in a kiss, his hand on your face softly caressing your cheeks. After a moment, you pull away for oxygen.

You nod a bit at his question prior to the kiss. "Yes, and I'm so glad it's gonna be you."༉‧₊˚.

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loveemagicpeace · 1 year

Text

✨Astrology Notes✨

💚Gemini can multitask and have the energy to do a lot of things at once. They are interesting. They can put themselves in several different characters.

💙Pluto in the 11th house your friends may not like each other or there will always be some strange energy between them, when you introduce them. Pluto in this house can also mean that friends want to keep you for themselves.

💘Venus in 11th house you can easily be friends with the opposite sex. You don't find it weird or anything. And you can be friends with many different people. You can attract a lot of attention from famous people.

🌙Gemini moon in 7th house people give very good responses, opinions on a certain thing. They have a good mentality. They can see the situation from multiple perspectives. And if you're going to get good advice from anyone, it's them. They are really good at overestimating an emotional situation.

🦋Water placements always sense people's energy before things start to develop. It doesn't take long for water signs to start developing feelings. Many times their emotions are very intense and strong and they create an emotional bond with a person ,who in the end, may not be the same as they want them to be. You always feel like something is missing. There are many things that bother you about people & relationship you have with them and you can't help it.

🔥Leos constantly want to take the spotlight, even if they don't mean to. They always automatically see themselves in everything. Many times when I talk to them and explain something to them or tell them my story ,they always find themselves in it. If I tell them that something happened to me, it happens to them too.

🍸Capricorns constantly worry when they have to do something. If you have promised something to someone, you feel as if you have some duty to them and you always feel as if you have to do it as soon as possible. You are pushing yourself to do that thing. And then you always have this thing in your head.

🧠With gemini rising or someone who has a gemini energy you can sometimes feel like they are just using you to share their problems and problems they have in life and with friends. Because they talk so much about their stuff. Sometimes they want to say everything at once.

🫧When you have gemini in your 6th house you are always interested in other things. You always want to do something different and you are interested in several things at the same time. I believe that you can have several different talents.

🌊Mercury in scorpio you never give up haha. You think over and over again and analyze why someone is behaving like that towards you, why they said that, why someone likes you. Trust issues just keep increase at times, especially if the person does not make you feel comfortable or give you good energy.

🥐No hate to cancer rising but these people, whenever you meet them, have energy as if you're getting on their nerves. Their feelings always show outward. Their feelings can change every 5 minutes& sometimes they can be too sensitive. And I really hate how they make differences between people (they always have a favorite person for whom they do everything and then they don't give so much love to others). And sometimes they really turn everything on themselves.

☁️Sagittarius moon- they're really interesting, they don't usually get pissed off by things or anything. You can argue with them, but then they will forget about it. But their expression of emotions is sometimes so strange, not understandable and funny. They express you their feelings directly but confusedly. Sometimes they look like they are drunk haha

🌪️Neptune in 5th house can make you delusional about relationships. You can start imagining things that are not true at all. Of course, it depends on what aspects you have, but many times you can accuse your partner of actions that he did not do.

🌚Saturn in 8th house return it means that you will face fears that you have not yet faced. You overcome your fear and face dark emotions.

🩹Chiron Sextile Ascendant-you can easily find support in comunuty. Your tramums can be public or you share them with public. Struggling with pain. You openly speak about them.

-Rebekah🥐🍸🦋

#astrology #energy #zodiac signs #my notes #astrology observations #astrological houses #planets #birth chart #venus #moon #pluto

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lucidfairies · 5 months

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hi 🫡

. yes that is me embarrassing the shit outta myself (I actually sent that to a handful of girls)

i. for those of you who may not know, i'm maya. i'm 18, i'm typically a masculine presenting lesbian and I happen to be a she/her. I also am unfortunately asexual

• everyone meat riding rn about why I read and write so much smut as an asexual, I would love for you to know that I'm fighting a losing battle with hypersexuality! that is all I will be sharing on that matter thank you. •

ii. I'm proficient at finding people's instas whether they wanna be found or not!! if this relates to you, you may want to hmu.

iii. um I'm single if that wasn't clear from the kicker.

iv. I have severe Audhd and I have OCD but I don't really count that because you can't really tell it's there. I'm a POTS and scoliosis survivor

(can u tell idk what the hell I'm doing)

v. I will drop my socials if you so want them but I would prefer u DM me cuz I don't need my public insta in tumblr comments tbh (I have insta, tiktok, discord, snap, so on so forth)

vi. I'm still in high school LMAOOO pls I'm not less than eighteen guys don't worry but I aspire to be in the military but I'm taking a gap year

vii. I've been writing since like third grade but over quarantine my parents kinda banished me to our basement and I was doing a lot of things I shouldn't have been doing but now I'm sorta good at writing !!

viii. fics are kinda a side gig, I do write real shit here and there but there's genuinely no point so idk why I do it

ix. I'm what people like to call a whore except I don't fuck around I just talk to like nine people at once (hop off my dick rn)

x. I'm hilariously funny if you ever wanna strike up a conversation

xi. I'm down for ANY conversations. you wanna talk about what kinks some random bitch has based on their appearance? let's talk about it. wanna tell me about the sex you had last night? I'll go get a snack. I don't get triggered by really anything so if u need an outlet, I'm right here bb

xii. I actually have a massive gyatt

xiii. I can curl a lot of lbs and um I can bench some too and I guess do leg stuff (gym girlies rise)

xiv. I'm Jewish but not like Jewish my fam just is, I am probably one of the furthest things from religion and I don't hugely support organized religion (my fav way to describe it is being Jew-ish)

xv. I am a leftist through and through (pro choice, pro science, pro gays, Black lives matter, stop Asian hate, in case you needed clarification on that one) and I avoid knowingly being friends with Republicans at all costs

xvi. I am pro Palestine, nothing anyone will say or do could change my stance on that one.

xvii. I have a cat + dog

xviii. I don't get cold like ever cuz I ski in like 10° weather all winter

xix. I have Duolingo and if u wanna beef it out w a quest then I am definitely down for that because I will beat you (I'm learning Hawaiian and Hebrew)

xx. I'm fluent in German and speak it at home w the fam and I know some Spanish + French

xxi. juice boxes > anything

xxii. some more pics of me will follow whenever I stfu

xxiii. I stand at a whopping six feet tall but I swear I have short person energy

xxv. in my personal opinion I have huge dick energy but you're welcome to put me in my place (I'm a switch and I'll cook for you)

xxiv. if your snap score is more that 300k we can't be friends I'm sorry (mine is 100k suck my c o c k)

xxvi. best position is doggy but I can be persuaded into something different

xxvii. CUNT

xxviii. uhhhh I'm from the East Coast of America so l operate in EST time

anyway it was nice getting to talk about myself for a long time 🫡 feel free to make numerous comments about my life in the comments

anyway y'all here are some for faceless pics that are guaranteed to make u cream (see, hilarious)

sayonara sistas

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scavengerssuccotash · 4 months

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Hi! I love your clintasha stuff so much.

Do you have any headcanons for clintasha angst?! I’ve always imagined that with their age gap, nat’s closeness to Steve (in the MCU anyway), Clint’s insecurities and hidden anger streak (as seen in Endgame with Ronin), and the fact that they both have quite dominant personalities, conditions can sometimes be ripe for an argument.

And when they do fight, they fight! Like all the avengers/SHIELD are on edge for days because of the tension. And eventually one of them just gets so upset not having the other there that they will work up the courage to apologize.

Aww! Why thank you so much I’m glad you’re enjoying them!

I picture the fights between Clint and Nat to be a micro equivalent of the Cold War. Well, unlike the Cold War it does get hot! (Pun intended!) Picture the Cuban Missile crisis but make it between two very dominate and very opinionated and highly skilled individuals whose combined capabilities could level any building with a three block radius.

That my friend is what happens when Clint and Nat trade blows. Fortunately for New York and Avengers Tower they’ve managed to reserve their anger to sharp-tongued barbs and egg-shell tense silence. At least while in front of the team…until one or the other cracks and a dish gets thrown.

(Clint threw a coffee cup and missed Natasha obviously, Natasha predictably got offended that he missed on purpose. Steve had to cut in between them, which only redirected their anger onto him much to his supreme confusion.

“Oh wow look at Cap really putting your namesake to use huh? Do you have a list of thirteen points?!”

“Kindly fuck off old man, not every fight needs your fucking help!”

Clint and Nat promptly shared a look. Twenty minutes later everyone heard the ‘kiss and make-up’)

Clint definitely has an anger streak roughly six miles long but he hides it very very well. It took Phil a lot of blood (literally), sweat, and tears to help Clint get a handle on his shit when he first joined SHIELD. While his anger bursts are few and far in between, when they do explode out of him he has at least learned to redirect that anger onto his physical surroundings and be mindful that maybe punching a concrete wall wouldn’t do his shooting hand well. One of the first things Natasha ever gave him was a tennis ball. She picked it up on a whim during a mission because Clint was annoyingly restless, and figuratively bouncing off the walls with energy that he needed to expend but couldn’t because the mission was geared towards her skill set rather than his. He still has it to this day and whenever he feels the tell-tell hotness burning up his spine that comes with a burst of anger he’ll take out the tennis ball and start ricocheting it off the walls. (It drives Tony absolutely fucking nuts.)

Natasha’s anger is far more…precise. Like a surgeon’s scalpel compared to the mini nuke that is Clint’s. She specializes in using silence, passive aggression and careful word choice to express her anger, which inevitably triggers Clint’s mouth because he hates getting ignored. Especially by her. If by the fourth day neither of them crack Clint will start the truce with her favorite meal, a hot drawn bath and a list of apologies. Afterwards they’ll talk it out, between rounds of sex. (Clint’s of the mind that Natasha will just start some if the fights for the make up sex. Natasha only confirms this much later when physically backed into a corner. He really can’t blame her, he’s done it at least once or twice.)

Natasha’s apologies require a lot less forethought. Clint drops whatever argument they’re having at the sight of her bare breasts, along with his pants. This neat trick lasted for ohh about the second big blow out, when Clint afterwards rolled over and demanded that if she was gonna just fuck their problems away they might as well call it quits. “Don’t get me wrong you’ve got great tits and the sex is mind blowing but if great tits and mind blowing sex is all it takes we’ve got bigger problems, Tasha.” In the end they keep the sex, but Natasha makes an effort to truly truly talk it all out, which in returns Clint rewards. Quite enthusiastically.

For the more minor spats, they save those for the training mats, trading punches and ass pinches. By the time that’s all done they’re lying on their backs sweating through their clothes and laughing. They might be dating, but ultimately they’re competitive best friends through and through.

#ask me #clint barton #hawkeye #clintasha #natasha romanoff #black widow #marvel #personal #fandom

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5ummit · 4 months

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I would disagree on the point that any Tumblr user has an ethical responsibility to their followers. Social media and fanfic is supposed to be for fun.

You can critique someone's work, maybe rightfully so, without putting them down and being horrifyingly rude.

Just something to think about.

This isn't just someone writing fanfic and having fun on social media. We're talking about someone claiming be a statistician and expert (through their experience doing this for the last decade, if not any actual credentials), sharing data they collected and "analyzed" knowing that it will reach and influence the opinion of thousands if not hundreds of thousands of people who believe they are being told the truth because they don't understand how easy numbers can lie (or simply don't have the time, energy, or knowledge to review the methodology themselves). I think in this case, yes, there is absolutely an ethical responsibility to gather data in a way that reduces error as much as possible, clearly acknowledge up front when the data is flawed, and present the data in a way doesn't straight up lie about what's being measured. I really don't think that's too much to ask. But ethics are subjective so maybe your standards are just lower than mine.

Yes, I could've been nicer in my criticisms, but I'm not nice to people who should know better and have had every opportunity to do the right thing and choose not to (or people who apologize for them). They know this is a problem with their data – people have pointed it out to them many times – and they continue to defend it and make excuses anyway because they're either too lazy or too incompetent to do it right.

The tone of my post also reflects my deep frustration and anger about the blatant spread of misinformation on the internet (and in general). It gets worse every year. I feel like I'm drowning in it. There is SO MUCH bad information out there that most people just take at face value, especially when it appears to come from a respected source. I'm only one person with a small following but I feel like I have to do my part in putting my foot down and rebuking stuff like this in the strongest possible terms whenever I can to prevent misinformation from spreading further and to get people to hopefully question things more often. I see that as MY ethical duty.

#drama in the statistics fandom #ao3 #ao3 stats #fandom #asked

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dearweirdme · 7 months

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vmin give off sibling energy. they literally behave like siblings and it shows in how much their relationship can get ugly compared to the other members but at the same time they love each other the most. like the dumpling fight is so petty but it made them not talk to each other for days, on the other hand when they fight with other members they fix those issues pretty quickly, such as taejin's fight during the wings tour or jikook's rainy day fight. vmin, much like siblings, fight over stupid things, feel petty, and stay not talking to each other for days out of pure ego. but they also spend hours at night talking to each other about anything and everything.

vmin have said before that they talk a lot together at night, that when they're going through something personally they go to the other for comfort, in bon voyage s1 when tae was lost with the camera man none of the members were worried because he had staff with him, all except for jimin who was so worried and called tae to make sure he's okay and kept asking him if he knows where he is. in bon voyage malta when tae hadn't joined the members yet jimin was the one who kept taking videos and photos to send tae and randomly counted 7 out of everything because he's used to tae being there, and sometimes he even randomly spurted "i wish tae was here" whenever they did any kind of activity without him. and the moment tae joined them jimin was glued to him and they went out together to eat and experience stuff together that jimin wanted to share with him all the cool stuff they did when tae wasn't there.

when jimin was hospitalized last year after getting diagnosed with covid and acute appendicitis, we learned that tae facetimed him everyday when he woke up and spoke to him for hours on the phone, he also mentioned in the bts book that jimin is the one person he can't live without.

in my personal opinion, i feel like vmin have a very deep profound connection and sometimes it manifests itself in a soulmate type of way but most of the time it's just sibling behaviour, especially in recent years when you could kind of tell they're much less involved in each other's live but that connection is till not lost. vmin are probably gonna be those type of friends who don't see each other all the time but they communicate in other ways that makes them know each othe better that anyone else. they, much like family relatives, don't spend much time together and have other people to do that with (just like how siblings spend more time with their respective friends than with each other but at the end of the day only they know each other better than anyone else) and in the far future, if all bts members somehow stop communicating and each start living their own life away from the other members, vmin will be that one duo that is still in touch and visit each other occasionally during holidays, birthdays, or any other family matters. because that's the type of dynamic they share. we might not understand the soulmate aspect of it because we view a soulmate type of connection as a near-perfect type of connection but vmin are pretty much realistic soulmates. even if they're not involved in each other's lives much, they still share a deeper connection with each other than the ones they share with most of the people they know and it'll always be like that in my opinion.

Hi anon!

Oh, I do agree with your description of their friendship. I just don’t think they’re the closest pairing. I think it’s hard to describe members friendships in terms of the way we (non BTS members) experience friendship.

#vmin

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tearskillstardust · 3 months

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hello, i hope you're doing well (: i would like to participate in the match up event for december, if that's alright? i don't have a gender preference and i would like to participate in event 1 and 4.

・ astrology chart. taurus sun, libra moon and aquarius rising.

・ favourite aesthetic. streetwear and goth.

・ favourite characters. yoimiya, yelan, wriothesley and candace.

・ hobbies. watching horror movies. playing videogames on my free time—when i'm most likely sleep deprived. reading and thinking about headcanons of my favourite characters. listening to music and video essays. trying new recipes. learning english and portuguese.

・ as for personality wise, i'm someone whose friends and brother have described as quiet and distant but reliable in the end. as from my perspective, i'm that type of person that is between being an introvert and extrovert. i like getting to know more deeply other people and i don't mind if other people are curious about me, although i do prefer some time alone. with the years, i've realized i'm someone open minded and stubborn too. for the first impressions with people that i've met, they always seem to share that thought of how they were slightly intimidated by me but eventually found a space where they wouldn't be misjudged, i just think it's hilarious and wholesome at the same time.

btw, sorry if there's any misspelling. have a good day and happy christmas this week 𔘓⁩ !

1] STELLAR UNION ! ░ the characters you have best compatibility with are ...

WRIOTHESLEY !

— what highlights this bond between him and you is the sheer amount of contradiction that each of you bring to the other's life, yet in a way that the other adores. think of a mature mother fondly looking at her immature, reckless child. or a soft rose bud in love with the spikes that surround it. both of you compliment each other in a way that comes rarely to people because it's a weird yet sensible mix of energies. to him, you would initially appear as somebody stable yet striking, if that makes sense. to him you stand out in a crowd and your desire for fanciness makes him chuckle a bit because he is of the belief that your actions themselves distinguish you strongly from others.

— your just nature would appeal to him because he would internally bond with you on these small things, like shared opinions, values, logics or conclusions. travelling might be important to you personally, or maybe long term knowledge is, and he would try his best to provide both for you in the sense that he would like to know about more stuff so he can just be ready with an answer whenever you ask something. notice how i entirely skipped the part about the courting process? it's because it would be that natural for the two of you, this bond i mean. it would feel as though you both know each other very deeply even if you two have known each other for only a small time. you two would be extremely comfortable around each other.

— he would adore how seemingly 'expensive' you are, how it's hard to have access to you. he would adore your feminine energy [this applies even if you identify as male or any other gender. it's the energy that is being referred to, the 'yin' energy] because it makes him appreciate you a lot more, outside of your duties and personality, that is. physical attraction might be a theme! he would find you quietly confident and stable-minded. he may not adore your indecisiveness though, and would be a strong helper in helping you overcome it and make you understand that often times, it is not about doing everyone justice—it's about doing justice to the one to whom it matters most.

PANTALONE !

— he would find you expensive on first glance. perhaps you adore decorating yourself with jewellery or laces or just dress in a manner more conventionally considered to be 'feminine' but it comes up strongly. if you don't, then it's just the aura you radiate, which makes many, including the regrator, to be curious about you. he would be desirous of wanting to know more about you and would like you to confide in him. he would feel protective over you somehow, not in an obsessive sense, just that he would feel that you're too precious to feel any pain as long as he's there.

— he would want to provide to you, all while knowing you're more than capable of achieving everything on your own. there would be a theme of devotion here, where he would want to be devoted to you or just give his all to you. he would initially find this problematic, but as you would open up more and show the more open-minded facets of your personality, he would be more deeply entranced by you. there would be an element of transformation here where both of you learn something from each other that you both need to fix your personalities. perhaps a bad trait that is harming you, or an unhealthy pattern. he would help you overcome challenges. he would be surprised by how easily you make his guard drop and make him so soft. opposed to others, your uniqueness would strike to him much later when he gets so used to your presence that when you stand next to others, it feels like the moon is hiding the distant stars by her plenilune sight. you would make him poetic!

LUMINE !

— this would be such a cute friendship to watch! you two really compliment each other and fill in the other's 'lacking' parts. like two halves of a circle, coming together to make a whole; a platonic soulmate one could say. it would be fun to watch you two being together because you seem to be the key to unlocking each other's funny side which usually doesn't show much. you both are comfortable around one another so peace of mind and relaxation comes easily. you both feel easy in each other's presence which makes it easy for you two to share your feelings with one another.

— she would admire and mirror your innate desire for adventures and fun! she would like to be with you on the same spectrum of unconventionality, doing whatever you two feel like doing. others may perceive you two as being unapproachable because of the unbreakable bond between you two but that's what makes others be drawn in all the more. they would want to be a part of this warm little thing you both share, knowing it's not possible. it's hard for you both to imagine a day going by without talking! you both would share mutual respect for each other and it would be easy for both of you to be honest with the other. it would be comforting to think of the other in times of difficulty.

4] FALLEN STARS ! ░ your genshin life looks like ...

— when the all encompassing goddess looks down upon her land— it is in the fleeting moment that her eyes fell upon yet another gem buried in the snow. perhaps such is your destiny to be rewarded with pain and admiration alike, the first blessing in this lifetime— a cryo vision. on the other hand, your ideals are most aligned with fontaine's principles, with your admirable penchant for balancing the scales.

— your ability to see all sides of an argument is what acts as your trademark wherever you go. people might on the surface give you the tag of being 'indecisive' but it is really just your charm to be able to see all sides of an argument that takes the stage when a problem is presented to you. of course, it isn't the best always, but when given time and shown patience, your decisions are always such that they win the heart. you're strong when it comes to convincing others and making others agree to see your side of the problem too.

— with this ability, you're best suited as a lawyer. it is easier to listen to you because you don't force yourself on others. and people want to listen to you because the way you speak things makes them want to instantly agree with you. your logic combined with the emotional insight into others' behaviour makes you highly convincing a person.

— people would admire and respect you a lot, and it would be few who do not wish to close to you. envision a lawyer being congratulated by a crowd after they win a huge case, it's that with you. you're charming, and it works out in your favour because you know that it is beauty that compliments intelligence and not the other way round! you would be respected, because you're the ideal so many wish to achieve.

#genshin #genshin impact #genshin x reader #genshin imagines #event #genshin headcanons

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marnz · 7 months

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just trying to figure out work thoughts

right now at work we're in an interesting period where we finally have the funding and availability and candidates to hire a bunch of new people, but they are overwhelmingly inexperienced and require a lot of training. our training methods suck, to put it bluntly. all reference manuals are anywhere from 5-15 years out of date, information is scattered across 7 onenotes and several different websites, and some of the supervisors (people who train) are not good at training! for various reasons! i have been working on trying to come up with an alternate training method, and i've been interviewing my coworkers on their thoughts and opinions, their ideas, their experience. but i'm not super happy about where we are right now because our work is changing, and we aren't prepared for it due to staffing issues. this is where it actively becomes my problem. and i do train people whenever they ask because we have so many people here for months who don't know basic aspects of the work, due to the fucked up training methods. also some people i train prefer me training them to their supervisors, and like...i'm all for helping out coworkers, i am always happy to train and teach and share knowledge, but i'm not getting paid for this. why am i doing this supervisor's job? etc.

a temporary supervisor position has opened up and i am interested in it. not only would it be a raise, but it would let me implement my training plan! i could help fix this problem we have! training methods and making sure people are well trained is important to me not just for workload reasons but because my prior experience and training was Hellish and i was miserable, and it's important to me that people at this job get the experience and training they need in a supportive and healthy work environment. teachers matter.

however two things about the temp super position give me pause.

workload - they won't shift my current workload around, it will just be added on, so I will take on a ton of extra responsibilities and actually do more than the average super because we are so staffing constrained. i worry about this, i already have a heavy workload and on top of that i am a union officer, which requires a lot of work.

role - my main role in my office right now is that i'm the guy that's like "why? and what about x issue? and what is management's plan to address y? and in light of this situation, what steps are we taking to fix z? what if we did this instead? how can we work together to make this not suck quite as much? and how did this come to pass?" which i always assumed made me extremely annoying but it does mean i have a lot of background knowledge as to how my job works, and funding, and bargaining, and HR, and everything. i always look for the full picture. i want to assemble the mosaic. that's my passion. my boss told me that he values this about me and we will meet so he can answer my questions and we can brainstorm. he'll do this with anyone--that's what makes this place great--but most people do not take this opportunity. whatever. anyway i worry that this is a necessary role that will be diminished if i become part of management.

I never really saw this as a necessary role so much as me being me I guess. I always have a thousand questions. My favorite word is "why?" And I have had my coworkers thank me for saying some of the stuff I say, for pushing back. But I didn't see it as a necessary role until someone who has been here for 30 years asked to take me out to lunch to pick my brain. Which made me realize that 1) i know so many people who have been incredibly generous with their time and energy to me, explaining how stuff works, and i need to pass this on 2) this is important and necessary. It let me stop feeling guilty about always pushing, I guess.

also I don't want to be part of management in a punitive way, especially since I am also a steward. but the pay increase would be nice, and I wonder if I would be a more effective advocate in management meetings. to say 'hey actually no, or that's a bad idea, or here's a common sense suggestion we haven't taken for 20 years for some reason.' this position is pretty low on the management track, to the point that i would still be in the union (most of the time supervisors cannot be in a union with those they supervise).

right now...my work has this culture of micro managing. there are several obvious issues with training, and who does what, and succession. my boss really wants to fix this but it's slow going. we're in an exciting time as the work changes and our roles change. we get to improve training and specialize. even before this position opened up my boss told me he wanted to help me work on standardizing and improving training across the org, and said he thinks it will probably complement my union work. so idk, it's obviously not the end of the world if i don't get this temporary position. i just worry that if i do get it, i will regret it.

anyway. thoughts/suggestions welcome. thank u.

#currently #delete later #crimes new roman

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maskfree · 1 month

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I had an argument with my sister and this is something rare. My sister is so unlike me. She doesn't want arguments and that she's more of a listener. I often experience heated exchanges with either my dad or mom probably 'coz I'm opinionated but she's the opposite. Whenever my dad were to say some hot take, she just lets it pass. I, on the contrary, would answer back to correct him. But he doesn't take it often positively. He thinks I'm taking him for a child for not knowing and sometimes, he'd tell me I'm always against him when those aren't my intentions at all. There are times when he and my mom would fight and I would defend my mom coz it's always my dad enforcing his patriarchal mindset and his narcissistic tendencies. My mom used to be so submissive (typical in Asia) and it's just recently that she's starting to recognize what she deserves. And that's one of the reasons why my dad likes my sister better. Just coz she's the type who doesn't fight back and she follows him wholeheartedly.

I know I'm not perfect nor am I a 100% good person though I also like my sister. She listens whenever I share something. At times, she shares with my excitement. But there were also moments when she would say things to me that's kind of surprising coming from her. She could be sharp with her words when she's annoyed that I wouldn't know how to respond only to realize later, she seems to have misinterpreted me. While I love that she's comfortable enough to confront me 'coz she normally doesn't with other people, sometimes it hurts to know how it turns out, she doesn't actually understand me either. And I realize that being a good listener doesn't equate to being an understander. She just listens and takes whatever I or anyone tells her.

Sometimes I'm not sure if she's sort of submissive or just obedient. She's not really shy and that she has no problems socializing unlike me. She's helpful and open to almost anything. I don't know if it's her being a people pleaser or it's just something she genuinely enjoys doing. As for me, I may come off as strong or dominant sometimes within our family but that's just me wanting to take control of my boundaries as well as my concept of right and wrong. Me being strong just meant like I appear to them as a know-it-all or that sometimes, when I don't want to go I won't. It's coz they would often insist and shame me when I don't participate.

I often share my thoughts to my sister. We sort of have similar interests. In rare occasions, I would also tell her my innermost thoughts but sadly, she doesn't. I'm not really aware of what worries her the most, what she likes to be or to have, etc. She never shared those stuff to anybody and somehow, I respect that coz I myself have some things I don't want to share with anyone.

But I remember one time when I was experiencing this burnout intensely and I had an argument with my parents, she told me to just understand them coz they are already in their old age. While I understand her sentiment, my nervous system and memories don't really care about that. My mental and nervous breakdown don't get to choose its schedule. What's more, it's autistic burnout. I can't help but be emotional especially that they don't believe me nor understand me. She isn't aware of my trauma but I already told her of my suspicion that I have autism. What's worse she still expects me to be the "bigger person". She even told me that only I could solve my inner turmoil and of course, I know that. I was left speechless. Though deep within, I was thinking I never even sought her help with my problems for her to say those words to me. I don't like being told that it's only me who could solve this when yes, it's something I've been dealing with all my life. It's not like I didn't live this way keeping my trauma all to myself for years. Though given my already lack of energy in existing, it's just exhausting and really disappointing especially when you hear it from people whom you think could better understand you.

I guess this ableist society would continue to disappoint autistics. I already have my childhood sexual trauma but here we are, further dealing with more trauma of having our needs unmet. Maybe it's thanks to my fire tiger sign that I get to live this long. Other than that, it's also thanks to my curiosity of the world. But sadly, I don't have the wealth nor the motivation to sustain my curiosity all the time. Truly, from the lens of an Asian autistic woman with PTSD living in a third world country coming from the middle class who's just one major illness away from poverty, everything is just so hard to bear.

#autism #actually autistic #autistic burnout #maskfreethoughts #person of color

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ballet-symphonie · 2 years

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Pirouettes en dedans are the bane of my existence! I mean, not that en dehors are much better but at least I get them all the way around without killing myself.

No you have any tips that worked for you? Stuff I can try at home? The internet has so much information and it's overwhelming so I trust your pro opinion.

This is my 3rd year of ballet school, starting as an adult beginner. My barre game is killer! I can see so much improvement while at it. Feet, turn out, position, even port de bras looks better. My favorite of all barre exercises are rond de jambes, any sort. My center is a mess. Funny enough I much prefer watching adagios but I do much better in allegro. Despite my weight and body characteristics, I can jump (sure enough I'm nowhere near the 180 in the air but yesterday I almost sat my right leg split in floor barre!!!!! ) and have promising technique to improve. Now balancing in adagio and doing the damn pirouettes is not my thing and I want so much to improve.

My teacher says she might add me to pointe classes in the future but not before I can master a simple pirouette. I'm ready to work hard! So, help is needed!!!

Ok! So it's time for another Technique Talk with Ale!

Let's start with some general rules for pirouettes:

Bad preparation -> Bad turn. If it magically goes well, it's luck, not skill and you can't depend on that.

Pirouettes hate change, you need to establish the pose as soon as possible and try not to adjust anything mid-turn.

If you see the floor, you're wrong. End of discussion.

Now into specifics for pirouette en dedans, from 4th position:

Preparation

Size of the position: Sit in a 4th position that's comfortable for you. It shouldn't be so large that it's difficult for you to shift your weight to the front foot, but it also shouldn't be so small that you struggle to feel where your weight is placed. Also, watch your hips closely, push the hip of your working leg down and forwards, toward your front leg.

Weight distribution: Now there are a lot of different schools of thought here, I will simply share what I find the most helpful for myself. Some people think the weight should be 50/50 but for me, I like to keep the majority of weight over my front foot around 90/10 if you're a numbers person. At the time before the preparation, I can easily lift my back foot off the floor. It's a more drastic shift than what feels normal, but pre-setting yourself this way minimizes the weight transfer to get into the pirouette. A smaller, more controlled weight transfer is more stable.

Upper Body: Whenever I go to prep for a turn, I bring some attention to my abdominals. I mean your abs should always be working, but it's especially necessary when you go for a turn. Feel the connection between your backbone and your spine. There also needs to be energy exerted through your arms from your shoulder blades. They're your stabilizers for the turn, they can't dangle like uncooked pasta.

Initiating the turn:

'Spiraling' with the arms: You don't need to do that wacky crazy wind-up, it generates way more force than you'll know what to do with. However, there's a small, internal twist, more for your spine than your arms. You should feel the counter-rotation as you slightly twist away from the direction that you want to turn, creating space for yourself to start the turn.

Supporting leg, power from your heel: The supporting front heel is what's gonna get you around. Instantly try to push your heel forward on releve and focus on getting that little 'spring' moment to initiate the turn. This is the first thing that moves in your lower body and this is how you keep your supporting leg turned out. If you can't feel the rotation from the heel, try doing just a tour lent (promenade) instead of a pirouette. Feel the inside of your leg pushing around as you move your heel. Try one and eventually two rotations like this WITHOUT changing your back or your passe. It should take you at least 10 seconds to do this, it's a great exercise for checking and improving your balance and strength. Also, you'll really feel your supporting leg work and can get the sensation of what 'on your leg' feels like.

Working leg: There are two options, bringing the leg in through a la second with an enveloppé or just directly bringing the leg into the turning position. I find the latter easier to start with because it doesn't involve another pose, and coming in from second involves a ton of force that's harder to control. Also, it's less likely to throw your hips out of wack.

General coordination: The older I get, the more I realize that the preparation for turns doesn't have to be super duper fast. One of the ballet masters in the company specializes in fixing our turns. He's always telling us that you shouldn't rush to start the rotations and the prep can feel slower, even at a fast tempo. Fix the position first, feel yourself transfer your weight and arrive arrive in passé almost 'before' you start turning. Don't rush to get to the pirouette.

Rotation + Finish

The verticality of the spine: Keep your posture and a tall straight spine with your abs pressed in tight!! If you start to look down or up, you're doomed, not even God can save you.

Try not to hop: In my opinion, it doesn't do you any favors and only encourages bad habits once you get on pointe. Start with one clean turn and try to end up on releve on a super-engaged leg, drilling your toes into the floor. If you can't finish a single turn like that, you're not ready for doubles.

Spot: The same ballet master is always saying "chin to left shoulder" (for pirouettes on the right leg) and this specific direction is beneficial for me because it reminds me that spotting is an action, it takes effort and energy. Keep a loose neck, like a metronome, just 'tick, tick' for a double turn. He also stresses 'active' eyes and says that knowing what/where you're spotting is key. I personally am not always consciously looking at something, I rely more on the rhythm of my head moving. But I also have a really sucky spot so.... (this ballet master also says that my turns could be so good but I insist on spotting like a sleeping bear)

Arms: If you're turning with your arms above your head, I strongly recommend taking your arms from preparation, through second to fifth but through the diagonal towards the direction you're turning. I think taking your arms up through the center is really difficult as it generates a lot more force and it can throw you backward. I know we all think we have our arms in front of our bodies, but sometimes that's not the case. Especially when turning, keep your arms more forward than you think, having them behind you is most likely going to force your ribs to open, and then your posture is all out of wack. Something that helped me a ton: practicing moving your arms back and forth quickly from 1st to 2nd and 2nd to 5th, WITHOUT changing anything in your back. This is an exercise in isolation, just like jazz/hip hop dancers do. You should be able to hold your ribs closed and move your forearms freely.

Maintaining turnout + passe position: One of the most common mistakes is the passé turnout deteriorating. Try to keep your glutes, hip flexors, and hamstrings consistently engaged. That's what's going to hold your passe, the muscles under your thigh. Try to keep your thigh perfectly parallel to the ground, this is the most aesthetically pleasing line. Don't relax too soon!! You're not 'done' until you're back in the plie/5th position.

So there's A LOT here and I appreciate you all for reading. I can't promise this is magically going to fix your turns, but I hope some of my tips will help or at least give you some things to think about! It's super technical but the most important thing is to get into the studio and practice! Don't try to change everything at once, just work gradually and safely but try to be consistent. As always, feel free to ask more questions about anything here that doesn't make sense or that you want more details on!

#technique talk #technique #ale's technique talk #ballet #ballerina #ballet ask #pirouette

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