#I can't eat anything because the only food we have in this stupid fucking house are either fucking disgusting; need to be cooked; need a

[lan-wangjis-autism]

-

#I am pissed off. I am on my period. I can feel the blood. I am hungry. I feel like I'm literally fucking starving #I can't eat anything because the only food we have in this stupid fucking house are either fucking disgusting; need to be cooked; need a #plate or silverware to be eaten; or is my sister's food #They don't take anything of me seriously; least of all my hunger #I'm fucking fourth priority #First is my sister second is themselves third is my brother and finally way down there at fourth is me #Actually fuck that nevermind fourth is the dog fifth is me #The only one behind me is my cat and I prioritize her more than me #If my sister's hungry then they'll fucking take down the entire world to wait on her hand and foot #If I'm hungry they'll shrug and go 'what do you want us to do about it' #I get it that its hard to take care of someone so picky #But for fucks sake you aren't even trying #Any time I want something it's always 'too expensive' #I don't feel loved at all #The amount of times my father has fumbled my name and called me my sisters names or my brother's name or the fucking dogs names #My father called me the dead dog's name before he called me my name #I don't care that they buy me antiques I'd rather fucking have food than antiques #He tries to buy my love and yet he's buying the wrong things #Like yes I like antique photographs and jewelry #However I'd rather fucking have food #I'd rather not feel like I'm going to keel over from starvation every moment

[solannn]

hiii !! can I request a (sub bttm) malewife reader x rengoku ??

rengoku arriving home after a mission and seeing his cute husband fixing their bed/futon and he js can't help but fuck him stupid ?? you can choose the kinks , ignore this if u want !!!

🔥┆ SOMETHING ‘bout you makes

☄️┆ Me feel like dangerous (wo)man—Ariana Grande

MALEWIFE,,

warning ; male!reader,fem dni or fujoshi,minor dni.Smut,penetration,doggy style,biting/marking,reader with plump ass, bottom reader,unprotected sex,virginity taking(?).

═══ ⋆★⋆═══

Rengoku was returning from a long mission which consisted of killing low-ranking demons, his day was tough, but he was looking forward to finding you, his cute husband.

Rengoku came into the house you weren't in the living room or the kitchen, but you had left him a meal because you were in the bedroom between doing something.

Rengoku started to eat, the food you prepared was still delicious. He finished eating and headed to the bathroom, and you were leaving the bathroom.

“Oh, hello Kyojuro, did your mission go well?” You asked, curiosity flashing across your eyes. "Yes ! But it was really exhausting!” He exclaimed.

You walked towards the bedroom and started to arrange the room. You spent a lot of time arranging the room, especially the bed.

When Kyojuro opened the door, the first thing he saw was your plump ass and on all fours to rearrange the bed, he blushed and grinned at the show. He wanted to see your cute face getting fuck.

He approached your back and grab your ass. You jolted at the sensation of his hand on your ass. "AH- Kyojuro..?" He still had that huge grin oh his face,he was definitely horny.

He took off your pants,he spreads your hole making you whine. "kyo-..juro" you muffled in the pillow. "You’re so needy we just started you know!…" he said.

He licks your asshole, ‘cause he had nothing else to prepare you. You felt his tongue penetrate you,after few minutes he got bored of it and so do you. He removed his long one and instead he put his finger and thrusted to find your prostate.

"Kyo..!juro faster..pls pls..!" You begged,while moaning,so he does what you demanded and put 2 more fingers and thrusted you faster.

"nhhh..!" You whimpered,tears fallen down your cheeks. He removed his wet fingers and and unbuckled his belt and pulled down his underwear to let his cock free.

You his eyes widened at his cock you didn’t except it to be so big. He entered the tips of his dick,you didn’t even have the time to adjust it that he already thrusted into you.

"Juro…it-it hurts!" You whined,already feeling tired. He founded your prostate and abused it,making you moaning mess as you gripped the bedsheets.

"I w..want to come!" You muffled in tears." Then come." He ordered,after few thrust you cummed on the bed. "You did the bed messy you know?" You couldn’t said anything,the only thing that came to your mouth was whimpers

He grabbed your waist with his hand and thrusted him as deeply as he could."more..more..more!" You begged,being drunk by his cock.

He smirked and leans to your back,and bite it,lick it to leaves hickies and love bite. He voluntarily bite your neck too hard,making you hiss in pain and pleasure,the blood was running down your back he wanted to know that someone own’s you.

After one final thrust Kyojuro fills the walls of your anus with his seed. You tiredly lay on the bed and fall asleep from the overstimulation. Kyojuro smiled and kissed your eardrums and clean the room and you up. "Ahh you so cute!" He smiled

(Request r always open<3)

#male reader #uke male reader #bottom male reader #x male reader #male #demon slayer #kimetsu no yaiba #demon slayer x reader #demon slayer x male reader #kny #kny x male reader #male anatomy #sub male reader #top male character #dom male character

[plumbobpaparazzi]

Peek into my Mods folder...

This is dedicated to @alltimefail-sims or anyone who needs a little help with lag!

I have several mods I refer to as "efficiency mods" that are little quality-of-life tweaks that make the game smoother for me, either by reducing lag or reducing immersion-breaking hiccups. As always, your mileage may vary, but hopefully this is helpful to someone. :) List of mods under cut to keep your dash clean.

No Intro - Whether you are trying to 50/50 your mods, testing new CC, or just need to shave time off your game loading... get rid of the cinematic intro.

Free Will Delay - Do your sims curbstomp their queue and proceed to fuck off to something unrelated? Yeah, me too, until I got this mod. From the mod description: "[E]very time you tell your sim to do something, they will be forced to listen! …For 5 minutes. Then they get free will back again. This is probably why controlling Sims in Sims 4 feels so bad! Because you lose control the second they start doing what they're told. Even if you queue up actions, the total time is STILL five minutes- because it goes from the last direction you give your sim. So you can tell them to do 3 hours worth of stuff while paused…and they'll get control back after 5 minutes. This mod changes this timeframe to an option of your choosing, to make controlling your sims feel more rigid."

Simulation Unclogger - This is an oldie-but-goodie mod from Turbodriver that helps interrupt when Sims get stuck in an endless action loop.

Evolve/Fertilize All Plants - Kind of weird how we can Harvest All but you can't Evolve or Fertilize All, right?

No Empty Venues When Arriving - Helps with the issue of going to a community lot and waiting around for Sims to show up. May cause increased lag if you are bottlenecked by RAM.

Food Autonomy Overhaul - Stops your stupid Sims from eating ingredients, AND allows Sims who hate cooking to autonomously grab quick meals. Didn't know they wouldn't do that? Yeah. That's a thing.

Don't Do That! Version 1 and Version 2 - Removes autonomy on annoying actions that can't be affected by MCCC tuner, like reactions and some trait idle animations.

Less Obsession - Lowers autonomy for certain things without disabling entirely. I still want my Sims to paint, but I don't want them to start a new figure painting any time they are left unsupervised.

Smarter Self-Care - Makes Sims prioritize their needs better before they are uncomfortable. I only use the packages for NPCs and Pets.

NPC Relationship Autonomy Fix - Stops random Sims from breaking into your house to ask to be your BFF (and tunes the requirements so they actually have to be your friend first.)

Buy More Upgrade Parts - Allows you to buy a package of 50 upgrade parts for when you are grinding out handiness or robotics.

The following mods are all by Bienchen and don't have a direct page for each package. You can search by name pretty easily on their website. I recommend flipping through and grabbing anything you find useful - I have a total of 368 of their mods installed. Here are some highlights:

novisibleecoeffects - The aurora will nuke your framerate. I know it's pretty, but oh my god.

noautonomousbakewhitecake - Does what it says on the tin, keeps your house from being overrun by cakes.

harvestnogroupinteraction - Stops club members from autonomously harvesting plants. Those are MY death flowers!

lessemotionidles - Reduces unnecessary idle animations from emotions, great for preventing your Sims from looking flirty at inappropriate times...

lesspreferenceidles - Stops your sims from thinking about how much they like fishing/fitness/etc. when they should be doing things.

happytoddleridledisabled - Stops the idling from the Happy Toddler trait. SUPER useful for family gameplay.

laundry_buffsandsoloidlesfix - Stops or reduces idles related to laundry. It's just clothes, bro

eldertweak - Reduces elder animation idles.

hastopeewalkstyleforchildonly - Helps get your Sims to the toilet in a reasonable amount of time.

tinyhousebuffhider - I know I'm in a Tiny Home, I don't need a moodlet.

lottraiteffectshider - Hides the little floating lightbulbs around Sims heads from lot traits.

notraitnotifications - I know my geek likes video games, I don't need the pop-up every time I play.

noholidayoutcomenotification - Please don't rub my nose in the fact I forgot to celebrate.

nofestivalnotifications and nofestivalnotificationsound - Helpful when a pack is new, but years later... no thanks.

noenrollmentandscholarshipinfo - No more info screen about the two universities. I think most of us know it all by now.

nouprootplant - Never cry because of a misclick again

simschangeoutfitwhenhotorcold - Should have already been autonomous, but alas.

novisualpoliteintroeffects - I don't know if I am the only one, but the glowing really bothers me.

restaurantsittweak - Sit down and eat your dang food! No more wandering Sims.

longerprom - Takes 6 hours instead of 4 so you can actually do something.

I probably have other QoL mods that could be helpful, but these are my recommendations to start with. Love to all the modders that keep this game playable <3

#sims 4 mods #ts4 #mods #ts4 mods

[disabledprincesses]

Why tf do we fold pjs? Oh no my shirt that literally only my stuffed animals and cat see will be wrinkly

Who exactly is going to stop me from putting my dirty clothes into a small childrens wagon to lug to the laundry room?

I feel like we really underestimate how much we can do sitting: fold? Wash dishes? Shower? Get ready in mirror? Clean? Cut up veggies?

Also no one has explained to me why i cant make my bed while still in it? Like even if I can only do 80% while in it, thats still 80%??

If i throw out all my tubber ware, and get a bunch of only one kind, I'll never have to look for lids. Same with socks!

Separating clothes by color is stupid.

We need less "I'm gonna stack these nicely here so they look nice" and more "I have 85 nice boxes from Joann fabrics, each one has things it in because the boxes hide the fucks I don't give. Socks go in here, papers i need go in here, candles over there, art supplies, pet stuff, meds, pants, books, blankets, makeup, pillows, etc."

Normalize crawling around on your floor to pick up things and tossing them over to the corner of the room closest to where they belong so you can then crawl over there and sit while putting them away.

Normalize screaming.

Why must we eat so many things that we do not like? If I like 5/400 veggies, guess what? Im gonna get so many vitamins from them and anything I'm missing I'm gonna get from other food groups! Its pretty unlikely that I'm missing a crap ton of vitamins when most veggies got 7/10 of the vitamins you need.

Normalize purposefully planning to do nothing at certain times of the day. Sorry I can't go to the park, I'm staring at my wall for 45 minutes at that time, today is the west wall :)

Why do I need to do anything for attention from my friends/partner, why can't I just tell someone I want attention and get my sim bar filled then and there?

All cardboard boxes are canvases waiting for the day.

Why do we even have large spoons in our houses anymore?? We always say we hate them and then we have like 20!!

Let go of the idea that anything is written in stone

#disability #disabled #spoonie #chronic illness #chronically ill #chronic pain #autism #actuallyautistic #aspie #actually aspie #actually adhd #adhd #mental health #chronic fatigue #depression #mental illness

[goodday-goodmorn]

Alright! Starting this shitshow of a blog off strong with a platonic yandere Bruce Wayne fic!

Heavily inspired by- @blughxreader and their batman stuff! Go check ‘em out- (specifically the one with poor reader and the rooftop escape, those are my fav’s <3)

———————————————-

Also inspired by this qoute:

'They can't do that,' she said finally. 'It's the one thing they can't do. They can make you say anything -- anything -- but they can't make you believe it. They can't get inside you.' (Gorge Orwells, 1984)

“You know, i’m pretty sure that you helping me right now would be going against natural selection.”

Bruce sent you a look, something dark in his eyes. You knew it was coming however and shamelessly avoided looking at him for that exact reason. Under normal circumstances you wouldn’t have said that, he never was one for jabs or jokes that hinted in any way about you dying.

“You’re kind of a mother hen ya know that? I mean, i knew before but this is really solidifying it ya know?”

It was a deflection and you both knew it, usally Bruce wouldn’t let you get away with those. But once again, these were not the usual circumstances. Truth be told he was probably just glad you were talking again, that you had some life back in your eyes, albeit only a small amount.

“Your soup is getting cold.”

Ah damn it. You were hoping he wouldn’t notice. A stupid hope, consdiering he notices fucking everything.

“So it is.”

…

A sigh, “Kid, you need to eat.” You knew what it meant. It was a silent question, ‘are we gonna do this the easy way or the hard way?’, because either way, you would be eating.

You swallowed, truth be told, you didn’t have the motivation to eat. Nor the appetite, but the alternative was him talking you through every bite and you really didn’t want that right now.

So with a sigh of your own you picked up the spoon, at least you didn’t have to cook anything, all you had to do was eat what was in front of you. You could do that. Barely any effort. It was simple.

So simple.

The spoon stays in the bowl, your hand resting on it as you stare at the soup.

It’s delicious, you know it is, Alfred's food always is, and he’d made one of your favorites too. Something nice and hearty so you would be full for a while and wouldn’t have to go through the effort of eating again too soon.

Bruce was watching you when you looked up, ever watchful, ever observant, waiting to see if he had to intervene.

You swallowed, you never liked it when he stared too hard. His gaze was always so intense. With heavy limbs, you scoop a spoonful of soup and start eating.

Bruce’s gaze softens and he lets out a soft, “Thank you.” He ruffles your hair and you don’t have the will to stop yourself from leaning into it right now.

Give and take, give and take…

You eat in silence, you’re propped up on some pillows on the bed, Bruce is sitting next to the bed on a chair.

Maybe it had been a stupid idea to ask for him, a very stupid idea but at the time you couldn’t help it. You couldn’t deal with the boy’s clinging, not like this. Not when you woke up feeling like anything but a person.

See, a few hours ago, you woke up and felt fatigued, and apathetic. Two oncoming signs of a depressive episode.

It only got worse as the day went on, you tried to be alright- you really did but, you just couldn’t do it. This whole act of playing house with the Wayne’s was already tiring enough, but for your own sanity you had to keep it up.

After all, if you fought hard against all their afflictions they would only dig their heels in and make your situation a lot worse so- you always figured from the beginning it was better to give in early.

At least, on the surface anyway. Not resist their affections, hell you hadn't even once pulled any sort of escape attempt, or tried anything. You’d barely even argued either.

Your lack of resistance was met with open arms and eagerness. Of course- they knew you were only pretending, that you didn’t view them as family, but they knew it was only a matter of time until you came around.

After all, if you act for something long enough, your brain will eventually start to believe it.

Alas, you were a stubborn little shit, and giving in voluntarily had only seemed to help you keep up this mentality longer.

Until this morning anyway.

When you woke up, feeling like shit and simply couldn’t deal with playing house with your ‘brothers’. So, in your moment of weakness, when you didn’t want to do anything or let them drag you around or cuddle or watch movies, you had done something rather unexpected.

Which of course, was to simply shut down.

They were worried as shit, but when they finally did manage to get you to talk, your shaky whisper of, “I want dad.” -Had been shocking, worrying and exciting all at once.

(It had also been a touch too real, your voice had sounded so small, so far away, and in that moment you really did just want the comforting presence of Bruce.)

So now you were here, so deep into the throws of not being a person you barely felt like moving; sitting in your bed with none other than Bruce Wayne by your bedside, stroking your hair lovingly.

You were done with the soup now, as much as you could eat anyway, before Bruce could even say anything you reasoned with him, “I’ll eat more later. Promise.”

Promises held a lot of weight here. Something practically unbreakable, Especially with Bruce. Especially with you, maybe that’s just because you liked when they had weight. It was nice; To have a concrete thing to swear on that you knew would not be broken.

Bruce probably used them to build trust in his words or something, you didn’t know, and quite frankly you didn’t care right now because well- you got to use them too so…

He thinks for a moment, and then nods, agreeing easily, “Okay.” And with that he takes the bowl from you. He’s… he’s rather agreeable right now, usually he would confirm or try and fight you more on that.

Maybe he was being more lenient because you willingly came to him? Or because you were being open right now, or maybe because he felt bad for what you were going through or-

Gods you don’t have enough energy to ponder this.

You nod and lay back down, he guides you down most of the way. Now you’re back like before, lying in bed, cheek smushed against your pillow, starting at him blankly.

You break the silence as he pulls the blanket over you.

“What type of bird do you think everyone would be?”

He looks back to you, a small upturn of his lips and eyes crinkled slightly in an amused manner. “Why do you ask?”

You shrug, “Bored.”

A partial truth. In reality you were thinking about all that poetic shit about you being like a bird in a fancy golden cage. A very very well cared for bird with access to some deep fucking pockets but you know, still in a cage. Even if the cage is real fancy and has amazing food, even better wifi, and a home movie theater.

(You think Bruce would let you install an indoor pool? Or a jacuzzi. …He probably would. You should ask sometime, ah- you’re getting off track here.)

So anyway- fancy bird poems and then you started thinking about what type of bird you would be and then it kinda spiraled from there.

“Hm. Well, that depends, who do you wanna start with?”

“Mmm… Alfred, cause i think he’s the easiest.”

A little amused quirk of his brow, “What bird is he then?”

“Penguin. Cause he’s always dressed all fancy, and penguins got that sleek fancy vibe about them. They are kinda short for Alfred though…”

Bruce nods, as if taking your words into consideration, “Emperor penguin then. They’re the biggest penguin species.”

Contuiting on just to have something to blabber about you confidently say, “Jason is an emu.”

——————

After a very engaging deep dive into what types of birds everyone was-

(Tim was a woodpecker on account of all the times you’ve seen him slam his head into his desk while working; Dick was an ostrich because if Jason was an Emu then those two had to match; Cassandra got the honor of being a crow; Damien was a kinglet, a ruby crowned kinglet, purely because they are small and for some reason you only recall pictures of seeing those bird look annoyed, Bruce was a harpy eagle because they look big and grumpy, And finally you were a pigeon.)

-You were now half asleep as Bruce read to you like you were a little kid.

It was… nice. Like all the other times you were forced to hang out with the Wayne family. (Only this time you hadn’t been forced, you had called for him.) Nice but with that ever present little weight in the back of your mind, reminding you of just how much these people had taken from you.

Right now though, that little weight was… it was a lot easier to ignore.

You let Bruce’s calming voice wash over you, you were barely listening at this point but he paid no kind to your lack of attention.

This was nice.

No one had ever taken care of you when you went into one of your episodes before. Usually you had to suck it up and work yourself up to go get some food and water before laying in bed until the feeling went away.

It was a terrible feeling, a staggering sensation just on the edge of emptiness. But not there enough for you to not feel anything, it was almost as if everything was muted. All sensations dull, your thoughts weren't but you were apathetic to them.

In short, it sucked. Majorly.

But now, here you were, tucked into bed, fed a warm hearty meal, and being read to with such tenderness and care.

You didn’t even notice that your eyes started to water. But Bruce did. He noticed everything.

Gently, so gently, he wiped away the tear about to fall from your eye. His own were soft as they stared at you. Soft and filled with a look you couldn’t decipher, a look you didn’t want to decipher because the closest thing you could even begin to compare it to was- …was love.

Love.

Fuck- love.

You knew there was something wrong with this family, of course you did- they kidnapped you for pete’s sake, but- but they also had been unconditionally kind to you didn’t they?

You… You couldn’t-

“-do this anymore.”

Your voice was soft, just barely above a whisper. A quiet confession.

‘I can’t do this anymore.’

Bruce sighed, his voice level, but quiet, fitting of the atmosphere. “You don’t have to, it’ll be so much easier if you just give in kiddo.”

He cupped your face in his hand. His own skin was scarred, rough, callous, and yet he held you with such care. It was almost reverent. He gazed at you with an almost sad look, as if your passive struggle hurt you more than him.

(It probably did. He didn’t have anything to worry about after all, you would break eventually. You could only keep telling yourself this was pretend for so long.)

“…”

Stubborn. Always so stubborn in the most muted way; silence. You weren't one to make large outbursts, or outwardly resist, but even so, passive stubbornness. It was something Bruce was fond of; how resilient you were.

You look away from his gaze, not meeting his eyes. His eyes, always so intense, always so much behind those icy blue scaleras.

“Is it-“ You start, the chemical imbalance in your brain making you honest right now.

You realize suddenly that this is the first real conversation you’ve had in months. There was no keeping up the act here. No holding your tongue or dancing with your words, no overthinking about what response would make you the perfect sibling, the perfect child. No catering, no push and pull of deciding how much of you you want to put into your words.

This was honest. The most honest you’ve been since you were kidnapped.

Bruce tilts his head slightly, patiently waiting for you to continue. He could sense a breakthrough, and he always did know when it was better to hold his tongue.

“…Is it worth it?” You say, eyes filled with so much emotion simmering just under the surface.

Bruce has a good idea as to what you’re asking. He knows you. Knows the way you think, the way you come to conclusions, your speech patterns, he knows you well.

(And yet it’s not nearly as much as he wants to. He wants to know more, to know everything, he wants for you to share such details about yourself willingly. He wants you to come to him after a rough day and listen to you rant. He wants to hear you laugh as you discover a new interest. He wants-)

“Yes.”

He strokes your hair gently, voice impossibly soft.

“It’s worth it.”

He answers your asked, unasked questions without a moment's hesitation.

‘Is it worth it to do all this? To keep me here against my will? To have me locked away like some canary in a gilded cage?’

“If it means you are safe and happy.”

“Is this really happiness?”

“It can be if you let it.”

“…”

“Don’t you like it here? You have a loving family, a nice house, you never have to worry about food or safety ever again.”

“…”

He cups your face with both his hands now, making you meet his gaze. Always intense. Too intense. You can’t handle the weight of his love for you.

Flicking your eyes to the wall you mumble, “There’s a saying. If you love something, let it go.” It’s weak, half hearted, you aren’t even sure you really mean it. (You aren’t even sure if you want to be let go anymore… you can’t imagine returning to a life before all this.)

(And Bruce knows this.)

You look back at him, meeting his eyes because you- you just- you know it’s stupid to ask but you can’t stop yourself-

“Why?”

You don’t need to explain any further. Bruce always seems to know what you’re asking.

‘Why me? Why do any of this? Why go through all the trouble just to keep some random kid?’

“Because I love you.”

He says it so easily. So simply, so calmly, as if it is undeniable fact, so once more you ask with more feeling this time,

“Why?”

You can’t stop yourself from leaning into his hold as he gently presses a kiss to your forehead. It’s childish, it’s stupid, it’s dumb, it’s humiliating-

He wipes away new forming tears, still cupping your face, “Because you’re precious.”

You choke out, “You don’t even know me.”

“So then, let me know you.”

Weakly, you shake your head, his hands fall from your face as you choke out, “I- I don’t- i can’t.”

“Hey, look at me sweetheart.”

You do, looking up at him and seeing only the love of a father. You don’t know how to handle such a sight. It’s foreign and it burns and yet, you are drawn in like a moth to a flame.

“We already love you kid. Nothing could change that.”

“You love the idea of me.” You counter, shuffling to prop yourself up a bit because laying down for this just seems too- too vulnerable.

He sighs, “If you think that then we seriously should have had this talk sooner.” He mentally tsk’s, he knows he’s been putting it off for so long because well- you’ve been good. And the family was happy and you were adjusting better than anyone expected you to.

It seems his negligence has resulting in this problem growing however.

He says your name, folds his hands and looks at you calmly, “-If the family wanted another child, then we would have gone to an orphanage.”

You swallow, he continues, “But, we didn’t want just any old person. We wanted you.”

You try to deny his words, no one’s ever wanted that before, and yet you can’t. Because it’s the only thing that even begins to make sense in your head. The only logical reason any of this would have happened.

You can’t deny it.

They love you.

They’re insane, they kidnapped you and yet- yet they- it doesn’t-

“-make sense.” You whisper, even though it’s the only thing that makes any semblance of sense.

“I know, you’re confused and not used to this and scared, but you’re the only thing holding yourself back. If you just let yourself believe we’re a family, you’ll feel so much better. This mindset is only hurting you sweetheart, you need to let it go.”

You look at him, eyes wet and so vulnerable as you whisper in a small voice, “I don’t know how to.”

And he pulls you close now, into a hug, it’s a bit of an awkward angle because he’s on a chair next to the bed and you’re on the bed, but you barely even notice with the way he’s pressing you to his chest. He’s warm as he wraps his arms around you and gently strokes your hair, consisting, comforting.

“We’ll be there every step of the way, start small.”

You shudder. The weight in the back of your mind is back in full force. He's asking you to give up your last bit of resistance. Your last act defiance. He’s asking you to give yourself up voluntarily. To fully endorse the idea that they are your family.

The worst part is, you don’t find yourself all that horrified with the idea.

If anything, you’re more scared that you’ll mess up somehow and piss them off with the real you and end up locked in a basement or something.

You don’t- you don’t know how to have a family. How to have siblings, a father- you don’t know how to interact or what to say and what to do- what if you fuck it up? what if you aren’t acting enough like a family and-

“-breathe with me kid. Com’on, in for 5.” He’s stroking your hair still, talking with you as he counts. You find yourself unconsciously following the deep rumble of his words.

“That’s it… hold for 4. One, two-“ It’s actually really nice to listen to him. Pressed so close like this you can hear the purr and rumble of his words in his chest. You can feel his chest expand with his own steadying breaths.

“Exhale for 6. One, two, three-“ You repeat his number sequence until you find your breathing is back to normal. Not that you had noticed how frantic it got to begin with.

Bruce hums, you feel the vibrations. You can hear his heartbeat like this. It’s nice, being held in his arms. “Good job kid, better?” His voice is a smooth rumble.

You nod weakly against him.

The two of you stay like that for a bit, him holding you as you listen to each other's heartbeats. You ground yourself with his and find your eyes drooping once more with sleep.

You make a noise; a hum of sorts and he sends you his own in return, soft, questioning.

“I-“ You clamp your mouth shut, thinking about what you’re about to say, thinking about if this is what you really want.

In the end you settle on this being the best choice, “I’ll try.” You swallow, mouth suddenly feeling dry, Bruce doesn’t give you any time to regret it though. He presses his face to your hair, affectionate.

“I’ll make the transition as comfortable as possible.” He promises against your hair, not being able to hide the smile in his voice.

You swallow again, starting up with slight nerves clear in your voice, “B-but i told you i’m not exactly very likable s-so don't regret it when i start speaking my mind and-“

That gets a laugh out of him, an amused kid huff, “You can’t possibly be any worse than Jason or Damein.”

You give a weak smile, “I dunno old man, think I could give ‘em a run for their money in bluntless.”

Bruce is smiling, you see it when he pulls away and looks down at you with such adoration. “We’ll have to see then.”

He’s happy, more than happy at finally hearing you be you. As much as he wants to keep you in his arms and listen to you for the rest of eternity however, that was a rather exhausting conversation. You look more than ready for some rest.

Gently, (always so gentle with you, as if you were somthing to be treasured), he laid you back down on the bed.

You let yourself be tucked in. You let him press a kiss to the top of your head. You let him turn off the lights.

“Um hey B- D-Dad?”

Bruce notices the slip up, but he lets it go. You’ve just made a lot of progress, and you’re clearly trying.

“Yes?”

“Do you uh- can i call you something else? Dad just feels really weird and kinda artificial at times so I was thinking maybe something more natural like maybe Pops? Or something like that i don’t know i just-“

“Of course you can.” He cuts off your nervous ramble easily, “You can call me whatever feels most natural, kid.”

You suck in a breath, soothed by his clam tone.

“O-okay. Cool… cool cool cool. Uh well then, could you maybe- maybe er- read to me? If that’s- if that’s alright..?”

Bruce was so proud of you. So much progress was made not too long ago and you were already trying to push yourself out of your comfort zone. You were trying so hard, bless you, you precious darling child.

He turned on the bedside lamp and took his seat on the chair once more, picking up the abandoned book.

Truth be told, Bruce was a busy man and he should be leaving because he has patrol in an hour, but he’ll be damned if he can’t carve out time for you. Especially when you asked to see him today.

(Especially when you were finally willing to view him as a father.)

“Would you like me to continue this one or do you want a different book?”

You jerkily nod, “That one’s fine.”

So, he begins to read once more, his voice a calming drawl that washes over you. Your eyelids grow heavier and heavier, and soon you are yawning and drifting off.

Once Bruce is sure you’re asleep he closes the book. With such a soft gaze he gently brushes the hair out of your face, smiling to himself. Then he gets up and turns the light off, walking out of your room and letting the door close with a soft click.

He isn’t surprised to find all of his boys camping out at the door.

He sighs, looking over the lot of them. From the looks of it they’ve been camping out here all day, or have been continuously coming back.

The only one who even has the decency to act sheepish that he’d been caught is Dick, and even then, he barely looks sorry.

Bruce shakes his head fondly at his boys, ushering them all out of the hallway to your room to let you sleep in peace

#reader insert #fanfic of a fanfic #fiction #bruce wayne #platonic yandere #Dad Bruce wayne #i can’t believe i’m posting this #this is very self indulgent #inspiration #Wrote this after reading some of Blugh’s stuff late one night #fanfic #Erm- Blugh if ur seeing this hi? #platonic yandere batfam #Darker undertones #(?) kinda #dark themes #not super tho

[weebsinstash]

Wouldn't it be funny if reader is aware abt the spiderverse being yandere and stuff but still continues to act blissfully unaware and when they found abt the youtwo situation and stuff they used that to their advantage to basically escape the obsessive grasps the yandere spiderverse has. and basically readers all giddy abt it

YouTwo: wow, it sure would be a shame if I started stealing all of this excessive attention you seem to get. I wonder if all your little spider society friends would even be able to tell :)

You: oh my sweet summer child. Oh my little tiny baby still on its mother's milk. Oh my naive ignorant little newborn

You: y'all can fucking HAVE THEM, my guy

You: once I thought I was being nice by offering Miguel some of the extra snacks I was eating while I was delivering a message in-person from another Spiderman and I got close enough that I accidentally saw the holograms he was looking at and this man had been watching another dimension where we were having our wedding

You: Pavitr who has never done anything wrong in his life ever once invited me to a family member's wedding and I was stupid enough to say yes because then I had him and his girlfriend babbling in my ear while I got literal actual personally customized henna, do you have any idea how time consuming and intricate and personal henna is, I felt like I was naked. Beautiful wedding, literally did not have privacy almost that entire day

You: the other week Peter B somehow got the access code from Miguel to have the security clearance to broadcast across the Spider Society and I was in the middle of the cafeteria when literally everyone in the room had their watches light up with his face, "hey I can't find them myself so if anyone sees my other kid let them know how cool they are and how much I love them and how Uncle Pete misses em 🥰" and to this day I can't enter the food court without a literal army of Peter Parkers obnoxiously teasing me, "We LoOOoOooOooVE YoU SwEEtiE"

You: Jess got overwhelmed with the pregnancy hormones once and she asked me how my day was going and I made the mistake of being honest and said I was a little sad and she burst into tears begging me to move into the spare bedroom of her house and asking when I ate last and insisted I join her and her husband for "a family dinner"

You: that Morales kid was feeling kind of depressed so I gave him my perspective on adulthood and how sometimes the only expectations you need to meet are your own dreams for yourself and i told him all these good qualities i saw in him to cheer him up, and now he and Gwen Stacy keep showing up unannounced in my universe to hang out. Do you know how hard it is to avoid someone who can turn invisible. My knees crack when I stand up from sitting down for too long, I can't outrun two parkouring teenagers!

You: the other day i had an earbud fall into the back of my hoodie so I just took it off and shook it out trying to find it and like three different goobers fell out and I pick one of them up and it literally looks like a piece of plastic and I must've accidentally hit something because it said "beep boop boop" in an IRL person's voice and I'm like "hello???" And someone replies "YEAH, LEGO SPIDERMAN HERE"

#yandere spiderverse #but nah ive thought of you letting youtwo take over cause youre like ykw fuck these fuck bitches #yandere stuff #sinprompts

[nekura-haru]

I want to move out so bad. I'd thought I'd wait more, but I don't even know what I'm waiting for.

I'm very suicidal at this point. I really can't see hope anywhere. I'm basically caged in my parents' house. I'm a girl, 23 years old. Restricted from work.

I repeated final year of high school and failed to get a diploma twice. Since then I've just stayed home, doing absolutely nothing but exist, and spend someone else's money. I live in a big family. My parents + my 5 siblings. My eldest brother being the one who spend on us, his younger sisters (i am the youngest) Unlike me, all of my sisters have diplomas. I'm the only one without it. I'm deemed stupid by my parents, and I've been told that I'm not worthy of being a working adult, I'm too useless to be able to make my own money. My parents complain 24/7 about having to spend on basic necessities, as if their children weren't their choice.

I've been told 'if you want to live your life the way you want, then get out of this house' that made me feel suffocated. Because my father knew, by all means, I had 0 ways of making money, therefore I can't escape. He believes that we, as his daughters, should stay at his house to serve him, like his fucking housemaids. Make his bed, give him his clothes after he takes a shower, clean after him, do his laundry, make him food on time, and SHOULDN'T be too tired, because we have to be "his joy and bliss" and keep him company while eating. And we shouldn't dare ask anything from him.

So far I believe he'd been the meanest to me. Because he does listen, and doesn't disrespect my sisters as much as he does to me. It breaks me, pains me and hurts me day by day, each word of his pierce through me like a damn bullet to my heart. I believe I don't deserve this. It feels like a nightmare to think I'm going to grow old, and my life is going to end while living inside these same four walls, living for the sake of someone else's happiness, while using someone else's money.

I want to move out. So bad. I want to work. I just want to work. And make my own money, and just feel basic happiness.

Some of you might say 'i am living the dream' i am living in prison. You have no idea. You have no idea how bad it feels. To be caged and suffocated, at the mercy of someone else's money, being badmouthed on a daily basis, being forced to put on this happy face and serve that same person who hates my entire existence.

The only way they'd accepted (because they have no logic) to see me working is doing art commissions. It's never consistent, very unstable, I had just started trying to build my own platform, it has been going well for instagram and tiktok, but it's probably gonna require thousands of followers to be able to get commissions. I've only managed to get some through reddit, which i am very very thankful for. However I'm thinking of giving up. This whole life. I dream of saving up some money so I can move out, from then I won't need money desperately as I would already find a job. (Which, yes, there's PLENTY jobs that don't require high school diplomas. My parents are just devaluing me as a human so that they keep me in their house.)

I had never thought I'd do this in my life, but I would at least try, before I commit. I'm in no way threatening or trying to manipulate anyone to sympathize with me. This is my honest feeling. I can't help feeling depressed and suicidal, and it's no one 's fault but my family's. I'm not trying to make anyone feel guilt for not helping. I couldn't help anyone either, so I really understand.

I know there are people with worse situations out there, that still doesn't make mine any better. All bads are bad.

You can guess by now what's the thing I hate the most in my life. You guessed right. It's being spent on. Being forcibly spent on for 4 years now is pure trauma. I don't want anyone else's money. I desperately want to work, I want to make my own money. So I don't feel like I'm leeching off of someone, or feel like that I'm useless and worthless as they keep telling me everyday.

Even though it's a donation /fundraising site, I would love very much to draw for you if you'd like to send me money. Even if it's only $5, I can draw simple and cute things for you.

-I can draw Chibi, very simple or full render, ranges from $5 ~ $15 -I can draw headshots, bust up, half body, full body Sketches or cell shaded, or full render, ranges from $15 ~ $80 -I can draw backgrounds, price usually depends on how complex it is, but starts from $20 -I can draw multiple people, couples, children or adults, male or female or enbies -I can draw suggestive art / nudity / just not full nsfw (my family members can see me when I'm drawing so I do it sneakily) -I can do character designs / character sheets. I would love to do Vtuber models once I get the hang of it. -If someone find my art interesting enough, I'm open to drawing manga/webtoon art since I've devloped the skill to draw multiple things at a fast pace.

I don't even know if anyone is going to read this, or if this is going to reach anyone, but won't hurt in trying. I don't have a certain goal in mind. My country is very poor, so $1 equals about ×3.7 in my country's currency. For now I'm aiming to save up few hundreds, so I would love to draw bigger arts.

This is my ko-fi

I would appreciate it a lot if you reblog so that other people find this post, it's okay if you don't

Here's examples of my art

#fundraiser #donations welcome #Donations #ko fi commissions #queer artist #toxic parents #toxic household #signal boost #signal b00st #please help #need help #I don't even know #need money #Donation post #mutual aid #donate if you can #help if you can

[george-weasleys-girl]

Enemy Mine Pt. 5

Fred trudged home the long way, ignoring the thunder in the distance. But then, minutes later, the first drops hit him. Fucking fantastic. Oh well, why the hell not? Everything else went wrong tonight. He shoved his hands in pockets, bowing his head against the rain as his mind still reeled from his argument with Angie.

"I don't understand why making sure a girl is safe is such a bad thing? I thought you supported that kinda stuff?" Fred and Angelina had stood just outside her house while the warm breeze picked up, carrying away their words from anyone who might be listening.

"It's not bad, and I do support it," Angie threw her hands in the air with an exasperated sigh. "It's just that it's her. You abandoned me for two hours because of her?"

"What do you mean, her?"

"Her! Y/N! I see the way you watch her. Anytime she's nearby, your eyes are locked on her."

"They are not! I barely notice her anymore."

"Do you think I'm stupid, Fred?!" Angie's voice rose. "Don't you think I haven't noticed the way you look at her? Whenever she's in the Great Hall? Or Transfiguration? Or every fucking time we pass her in hallway?"

"But, I don't -" Fred began, but she cut him off.

"You can lie to yourself all you want, but you can't lie to me!"

"Angie, love -" Fred reached for her hand, but she pulled it away.

"Look, Fred, I don't want to fight. I'm tired and confused, and I just want to sleep if I can," she moved to go inside, then stopped, turning back to Fred. "Maybe... maybe we should spend some time apart."

"But -" Fred took a step toward her.

"No," she held up her hand. "I love you, Freddie. But, I won't be someone's consolation prize. You need to sort yourself out. Figure out who you - " her words trailed off, and she shook her head, then turning back, she stepped across the threshold into her house. "Goodbye, Fred," she mummered, without looking back and closed the door behind her.

~•~

"Hey there," George stood next to Y/N. She was outside the Burrow, sipping the hangover draft Mrs. Weasley had so kindly brewed for her.

"Hi," her voice was soft, and there was a light blush on her cheeks.

"You ok?" He asked.

"Mostly. Thanks to your mum," she lifted her cup. "She's really a very sweet lady."

"She has her moments." George shrugged, remaining silent for a few seconds before speaking again. "So, um, do you remember anything that happened last night?"

"Bits and pieces. Enough to know I made a complete fool of myself." She took another drink, hoping to hide her returning blush.

The younger twin waved off her embarrassed comment. "Fred and I have made far bigger fools of ourselves sober than you did drunk last night."

Y/N smiled but said nothing.

"Would like anything to eat?" George asked. "Mum just baked some fresh bread."

She shook her head. "Thanks, but no. I can't even think about food right now. And besides, I need to get home soon."

"Whenever you're ready. I promised Fred I'd get you home safe."

"Fred's not here?"

"He is, but he's no shape to be escorting anyone anywhere," George answered. "Apparently, he and Angelina had a huge fight last night, and then he got caught in the storm. He only got home a couple of hours ago. Fell flat on his face and passed out."

Y/N froze at his words. "Th-they weren't fighting because of me? Were they?"

George shrugged and gave her a sympathetic smile.

"Fuck." Y/N downed the rest of the drink.

~•~

George sat on his bed, waiting for Fred to speak. The older twin paced their bedroom.

"What do I do, Georgie? It's been almost a week, and Angie still won't speak to me," Fred sank down on his bed. "How did everything get so fucked up?"

George sighed. "Do I really need to answer that?"

Fred looked up at his brother. "Seriously? You too? You still think I have a thing for Y/N?"

His twin just shrugged.

"Aarrgh!" Fred threw his hands in the air. "Forget it! Just forget it. Everybody's apparently lost their minds. I'm going for a walk." He then stormed out, slamming the door behind him.

George knew it was pointless to chase after him right now. It'd only start another argument. So instead, with a long-suffering sigh, the younger twin flopped back across his bed.

"Stubborn," he muttered.

~•~

Y/N had the afternoon to herself and had settled down to dig in to her new book. She'd barely finished the first page when someone knocked on the door.

@milivanili99 @fancy-pantaloons @turvi @zvummyummy @pansexualwitchwhoneedstherapy @georgie-weasley @nighttimemoonlover @jsjcue @wzrd-wheezes @fredweasleyyyyy @hufflepuffie @alexistonks @princess-paramour @anvaaryn @lastwandastan @samshifts @asuperconfusedgirl @superduckmilkshake @mysticsheepsoul @gemofthenight @1lellykins @junerprsh @sierraluvz @wolfkill16 @smallsweetvanillabean @igncrantbliss @28cnn @saintlike05 @millies0bsimp @yeah3459 @leeknows-wife @pandoraneverland @wickedsandwich08 @bai-wuxiangs-mask @c-yberstar @soosheee @ivvees-blog @withered-rxse @maddiedinosaur @astahsvea

~•~

#fred weasley #fred weasley x y/n #fred weasley x you #fred weasley x reader #fred weasley headcanon #fred weasley angst #fred weasley imagine

[acaribeau]

The vessels

Mammon x gn!reader (Can be seen as platonic) ✦ 1k words ✦ SFW ✦ on AO3 ✦ Masterlist TW : mention of corpses, slight gore at the end. Content : situated in S3 of og OM, creepy hc about demons and their influence in the human world, with slight fluff and gore at the end.

After the incident with Solomon's cooking in Serenity Manor, you found out the creepy reason why Mammon wasn't affected as the others.

I was relaxing with Asmo and Satan in the common room of Serenity Manor. After almost dying from eating Solomon's cooking they were pretty exhausted.

“Ahhh~ I thought I was going to die! I can't believe how Solomon can cook even worse each time he touches the kitchen!” 

“I didn’t think food could knock up cold demons for hours”

“And I can't believe stupid Mammon was able to eat it and be fine! Ugh… It's so unfair!”

“It probably has to do with his dead vessel and it's incapability to digest food… or the thing Solomon gave us whatever it is”

“But why should he have to be the one that didn't suffer just because he couldn't do a simple thing and keep a fucking human alive?!” 

“Ahhh… what are you talking about?”

They all looked at me as if suddenly remembering that I was in the room as well. I knew those faces… they just said something they shouldn't.

“Well… as you know, humans need to train their souls to support the strong magic in Devildom like you do your tasks, demons can't stay too long in the human world without a vessel. That consumes too much magic. We, as avatars, have enough magic to form a solid humanoid body for as long as we please… but our sins affect humans, increasing the temptation in their souls” 

“So… if we wanted to stay with you here without causing a war… we kinda have to possess some humans”

“But Lucifer and Satan came before and nothing happened…”

“Are you sure? Don't you remember what happened on the train?” 

“That's why Griselda was killed?! We were the reason for her death?!”

“Of course not. Her apprentice was already planning it. He was already consumed by pride, greed and jealousy. We only… gave him a push.”

“So… all of you are possessing someone at this moment? Are they like… trapped in their body? You just snatched the first human you saw or-?”

“Of course not! Not anyone can have the fortune of having moi inside them, physically or spiritually~”

“They all consented and they aren't conscious if that's what you’re worrying about. All of them wanted something so we made a deal for using their bodies temporarily. Most of us had losses”

“We all have our own standards, but yeah, I would normally claim their soul for eternal beauty. Instead, they even got the privilege of being my host… I really gave her everything someone can wish for~”

“And… Why did you say that Mammon wasn't sick?”

“Because that excuse of a demon killed his vessel before even making a deal. And even worse, he decided to use that body! He's stinking all over the house!” 

“I haven't smelled anything…”

“Of course not. Humans can't smell death like us”

“We were in a rush, and since you took too much time choosing yours, by the time that idiot would have chosen another, the holidays would have been over” 

“I don't know what he did to convince Lucifer to allow that… It's so humiliating having someone like him as a brother. What if someone finds out? We’ll be the laughing stock for centuries! I bet he just didn't want to pay him so he killed him… ugh”

“It really is a disgrace that someone can call himself a ruler of hell and can't get himself a living vessel”

“Just imagining how gross and sticky he must be feeling in that gives me goosebumps. See?”

Asmo took that as an excuse to grab my arm and hug me, showing me that he wasn’t lying.

I stayed there a couple of minutes more, but there was something annoying me, so I knocked on Mammon's door.

“Can I come in?" I said while poking my head through the door "I have instant noodles with hot sauce… they are not as hot as your favorites… but-"

Mammon jumped from his bed to the door "Yeah! Come in! What movie do you want to see?"

After choosing a movie, we were sitting on his sofa.

“So… I heard you are in a dead man…”

“W-WHAT? Wh-Who told you that? It was Levi? That scoundrel! I swear-”

“It doesn't matter who told me. I heard that is uncomfortable… Are you ok?”

Mammon didn't answer for a second, looking dumbfounded at me.

“…you heard I killed someone and you care about how I am doing?... Pfff! You really are a weirdo. Yeah, I'm fine. It isn't the best sensation but I can live with that”

We kept watching the movie for a while, but I couldn't contain my curiosity.

“And… Why did you do it? Killing him, I mean”

“…He was a bastard. He tried to bargain with the soul and body of his son instead of his… he was only 16 ya know? And it wasn't the first time he used him, it was written all over his body… I wasn't going to bargain with that shit! So I just took what I needed…”

“And what happened with the kid?”

“I made sure he received all the things from his father and then I asked the witches who told me to go with that asshole to take care of him”

“Wait, he was friends with the witches? Wouldn't you be in trouble?”

“Nah, I'm pretty sure they knew I was going to kill him when they sent me. He probably owed them money or something, I don't know and I don't care…”

We returned our attention to the movie until I heard him whisper shyly.

"So… aren't you freaked out by that? By me?..."

I just snuggled into him as an answer. I could feel him sigh in relief and kiss me on the forehead. I inhaled strongly, trying to smell what Asmo did, but all I could smell and feel was my demon.

Bonus:

A couple of weeks later, Satan teleported to the common room, with a knife buried in his abdomen, covered in blood and holding a head.

Mammon burst into laughter when he saw him.

“And who did you say couldn't keep a body alive??”

Satan threw him the head across the room but Mammon avoided it at the last second,  staining the sofa with blood.

“OI!”

“Not. A. Single. Word!”

“I hope you were planning on cleaning that”

“SHUT UP!" He shouted while slamming his door.

If you liked my work, please like, reblog and comment. My asks amd DMs are always open. I would love to hear your opinion, your words are my fuel to keep writing ♡

Don't repost please. I'm not native speaker, if you see any typo let me know.

#obey me #obey me shall we date #obey me mammon #obey me asmo #obey me asmodeus #obey me satan #obey me mc #gn!mc #obey me headcanon #obey me hc #obey me creepy #obey me horror #obey me fluff #obey me crack #obey me fanfic #obey me fic #obey me mammonxmc #mammon x mc #mammon x reader #gn!reader #omswd #om #om mammon #om asmodeus #om satan #obey me lucifer #om lucifer #demons being demons #obey me demonic #tw necrophillia

[fandoms-in-law]

Stories Chapter 2

chapter 1

Chapter Summary: Robin and Steve get to Steve's house and after dancing around Steve's reaction to his notebooks being found get distracted by something bigger

Warnings: child abuse and neglect, suicidal indeation (all warnings are for things that happened in the past of the story, not the present)

/\/\

That evening came too soon for Steve, but he was at least able to focus on the fact he and Robin were closing meant all the kids should be in their homes before he got to his, so only Eddie and Robin would have any opportunity to ask any questions.

Eddie was waiting on the sofa when Robin and Steve got there, cuddling one of the notebooks Steve had definitely asked to be put in his room and ignored.

"It's the one Lucas borrowed to take notes in. Don't worry, after your call I moved him next to me so neither he nor any of the other brats could keep reading your writing. He stuck to just the pages at the back he was taking notes on before they decided to see what these are hidden for." Eddie explained before anything could be said. "I said it's your choice if the pages are torn out for him to add to his dnd notes or he needs to copy them from one of the others.”

Steve nodded after a moment, holding a hand out to get his notebook back before heading to the kitchen. "I need dinner and a drink if Robs is set on actually talking about this shit. But thanks for that. It's just private stuff though, stupid nonsense."

"Didn't seem stupid to me, but you're right. There's no pressure to talk about anything you don't want to." Eddie countered but got up to follow him through.

"There is. It's something I should work through and this one is set that we're going to help each other through the trauma we've faced whether that's Hawkins hell related or not apparently." Steve sighed, tuning out Robin's reply and the conversation that grew between her and Eddie as he focused on cooking a simple pasta.

"Dinner and are you planning to bring up the elephant in the room now, or after we've eaten?" Steve asked eventually, turning around with the plated food and going to the fridge to grab drinks out.

Eddie hummed, "You okay if we say now? I mean this seems to be making you more tense the longer it's delayed and they are just some stories."

"I'm fine and no. They're what was needed for King Steve to exist! These are pages telling me the monsters can be defeated, that we can be safe in a town sitting atop hell like Hawkins is." Steve shook his head, hand automatically going to his notebook to prevent anyone else taking it even though neither moved.

Robin shrugged after a moment. "Why did king Steve need to exist if you had to write stories to be him? Stories you can't stand us knowing about let alone sharing."

"Want me to list what a Harrington is for you? Cause you won't find stories, read or written or simply dreamt anywhere in there." He huffed, eating before he could say anything more and wondering if he could get out of answering too many questions by keeping his mouth full. It didn't seem likely; if he tried they'd just wait until he finished.

Eddie confused him however by looking around the room, wandering into the living room for a moment. "You know I've wondered before why there are no book here and assumed they're all just kept in cupboards or something. You're telling me that no, you're just not allowed them? Seriously? Fuck money if it means you can't have stories! That's fucked up Stevie!"

"It's what my life has been. Fit the expectations, never give away the times I struggle to reach them and keep our name important to the town." Steve stated.

There must have been something in his voice or expression because Robin shared a look with Eddie before asking, "What happens if you don't meet their expectations?"

"This, at first at least." He gestured broadly to the house around them, empty as always. "Then later things like the pool heating being turned off so I either couldn't practice or risked hypothermia each time, being kept from school trips, and you know money was cut off when I didn't get into college. That wasn't the first time though. They were never here way before then and the amount they left for me to survive on was based on how well I was meeting their expectations. The amount they sent for extended trips just the same."

Neither knew how to respond to it and after a few moments of seeing Robin and Eddie both try to think of what to say Steve continued, "Do you get it now? Everything has to be what they want or that could happen again. It can't - I can't - I've no fucking clue how to let it go because it's still hovering there. Doctor Owens said they'd do something after realising my parents weren't around to confirm the keep quiet payment, but that just got me paperwork."

Robin frowned at that, then clapped her hands. "Show us this paperwork then dingus. Maybe he did do something since we got full bank accounts to keep our mouths shut. Didn't you?"

"Third time, this time, yeah. I guess I did." Steve said after thinking for a moment.

"I'm calling Nancy. You two chat." Robin declared. "Don't give me that look. I'm just asking what she and Mike got for keeping shtum. They've been in this from the start so she'll know if getting paperwork is weird which I'm sure it is."

They watched her disappear into the living room before Steve jumped up to clear their plates away. "I could swear she's waiting as long as she can before asking to look in the notebook."

"Was Dnd what you meant when you said I do things daily you'd prefer to face Russians than do?" Eddie asked instead of responding.

"Just sharing stories." He shrugged. "I just want to feel safe enough for that."

"I hope I'm someone that can happen around, Stevie. The bit I read before realising you probably wouldn't want us reading that was really good. You've been telling yourself stories for a while, haven't you?" Eddie's voice was soft, gentle as he watched Steve decide to clean the dishes.

Steve paused in his movements before glancing back at him almost shyly. "I think you will be. I've thought about showing them to you before, but it's just-"

"Everything drilled into you mind by the genetic excrement you came from." He finished, making Steve laugh when he understood the insult to his parents.

"And Nancy agrees it's weird you got paperwork instead of a full bank account. Where's the paperwork you got?" Robin called, coming back through and looking over the table as if expecting it to be there now.

Both men rolled their eyes. "It's in my room. If you're really set on looking through it then let's go. It's not gonna change anything. My parents still rule the house."

"Legally that might not be so." Robin tutted. "Let's go."

"I'm leading the way and putting my notebooks away before doing anything to get this paperwork out." Steve insisted, catching her shoulder to pull her back when she tried to hurry up the stairs ahead of him.

All his notebooks were out, scattered over his bed, some left open even and Steve didn't give his friends a chance to follow him in, slamming the door behind him to make sure nothing more was read of them. He couldn't bring himself to rush putting them away though.

These books felt like his friends just as much as the pair outside his door and the kids who caused all this were. He wouldn't risk damaging them or the stories that had comforted through pressures and nightmares alike.

Only once the were safely back in his wardrobe did he open the door to Robin's knocking that had been constant from the moment he shut it.

"How long did Dustin take to bring a notebook down for Lucas to take notes in?" he asked to Eddie, already having realised that he'd have been called earlier than he was if all his notebooks had been seen by everyone.

Eddie thought for a moment before admitting, "Long enough that Mike was about to rip pages from his notebook for Lucas and in his words 'drag Dustin to the game by his ears'. Erica volunteered to do the same."

"Which one looked through the notebook that convinced you to call me?" Steve knew how shy he felt over the subject was clear in how quiet his voice had become.

"Dustin again. When I called for a break he told Lucas to look in the front and got all the shitheads involved except for Erica who said she'd murder them if they acted like that over her notes and bet you would too."

Steve snorted at that. "Which was when you called me to prevent any murders?"

"Which was when I confiscated the notebook to check if it was private. I think there was a suicidal character on the page they were looking at then. That's when I called you." Eddie was serious now, searching Steve's face for a reaction and clearly surprised when he relaxed a little more then.

Steve just waved a hand, standing to start finding the paperwork from Doctor Owens. "Best way to story myself calm; project then have characters argue with it."

He froze when arms wrapped tightly around him, first one pair then another, halting his actions.

"You ever feel like that again, call me, call Robin, just fucking promise you'll let us help rather than just storying yourself calm." Eddie's voice was choked, rough and it took a moment of repeating the last things they said in his head for Steve to understand why.

"It wasn't a big thing, just thoughts after a nightmare. You know, middle of the night thoughts that mean fuck all in daylight." he tried to reassure. "I'm not going anywhere back then or now."

"Promise us anyway. We want to be here for you like you're here for everyone else." Robin insisted now, her grip on him tightening.

Steve huffed a laugh, hoping hearing it would help them relax that he's there and happy with them. "Fine, I promise that if ever thoughts of being better off dead are in my head I will try to reach out. Not saying for certain though."

"I guess that's good enough." They both pulled away, still watching him with concern.

"Can we focus on these pages and pages of nonsense that are meant to get me to keep quiet about the first two encounters with the Upside-down?" Steve let go of his wish to comfort them, opting for distraction instead. He quietly thought that since it would still be helping him they'd feel better doing that than the other distractions he was more tempted to use for himself.

Thankfully the pair accepted it, taking the pages, though still shooting concerned glances at him every so often. “So I'll take whatever you got the second time this happened and Robin can look through the first time things?” Eddie suggested, already taking the first pile out of Steve's hands and he pulled it out from his bedside table cabinet.

“I think it's all mixed together...” Steve mused, looking at the rest of the folders he'd put it in as he tugged it out. “You don't want me to go through it with you?” He asked a moment later, realising Eddie hadn't mentioned him.

Eddie chuckled slightly. “Stevie, if you actually cared what all this is, you'd have looked through it or tried to understand it before now. Or asked what it all is whenever Doctor Owens gave it to you. We're not going to force you into trying to understand it when you don't like 'paperwork' and the many things that word could include.”

“You could bake us some cookies or something to snack on while reading.” Robin suggested, recognising the feeling useless pout as he let it form. “I know you've been complaining about never getting to bake anything more interesting than sugar cookies or chocolate chip ones because the kids always ask for them.”

Steve looked between them for a moment. “I'm baking bread, then a Swiss roll. We can have French toast in the morning.” He decided.

…

He was halfway through baking the Swiss roll, doing some of the washing up in the short time it needed when he heard Robin come downstairs to the living room. “Yeah, hey Hopper, need some how to advice, you got a minute?” She said a moment later, piquing his curiosity enough that Steve moved to hover in the doorway between the rooms.

“Yeah, I want to know how Steve can change his landline number and how difficult it is to change the locks on doors?” If he wasn't already curious just because she was calling Hopper, that sentence had him hanging on every word, wishing he could hear Hopper's replies.

“You'll show us how this weekend? Seriously? Perfect and the phone? It's a company or phone line provider thing? Thanks, I'll get on with convincing him it's necessary then.” Steve felt like his eyebrows were about to detach and start climbing his hair with how high they must have gotten in surprise over what seemed to be implied that he'd be doing now. It definitely startled Robin when she turned although that might just have been that she wasn't expecting him to be in the doorway.

For a moment she hovered, waiting for him to speak or trying to think of something to say, Steve wasn't sure, but he needed to make sure the Swiss roll came out at the right time. “If you're already making plans like that for me, you're probably ready to come down here and start explaining what all those pages were. I bet not looking at them would be another way I've failed to meet my parents expectations.”

“Pretty sure if they know what they are, there's no complaints from those assholes that you haven't looked at them.” Robin grinned when he glanced back, heading to the oven. “But sure, Eddie and I will bring the important ones down now. Quick question first, how do you feel about redecorating?”

Steve froze where he'd been opening the oven. “It's not allowed. Mother will throw a fit if I even suggest getting rid of the plaid in my room.”

“Good answer.” Robin agreed cryptically, as if he'd said let's get wallpaper tomorrow instead of refused. She disappeared upstairs before anything else could be said.

Refocusing to ensure the Swiss roll was actually rolled before the cake would crack instead of rolling, Steve absently wondered if that was the point. If he was changing the locks, changing the phone number, then his parents wouldn't be able to access him or the house without knocking so he would be able to change things.

Thankfully that was finished before Eddie appeared in the kitchen, spinning Steve around and into a seat with the loud declaration of “You have a choice of good news, great news, and fucking fantastic but never tell the kids news.”

"I'd say start with the best but dude, do what you want. It's not like third place in your list is a bad thing." He laughed, gesturing for Eddie to continue.

"Well then, third place for awesome things found in your reward paperwork, your dad is a moron who I bet didn't read the papers the government got him to sign. You could claim ownership of almost anything from him as reward for the shit you've gone through and he can't argue because of this little page!" Eddie brandished the piece of paper as if it was a shield. "He gives you shit for not reading documents just point out he probably didn't either."

Steve smirked, taking the page and pretending to read it now. "He'd just fall back on the 'I trust the government' line until realising I could actually do this. Only thing I'd want is like ownership of here and money for bills."

"Perfect time for me to bring up that you already have that then!" Eddie cheered, another document pulled from behind his back. "Deeds to the house, irretractable and permanent unless you decide to sell. If you want the pool heating back on that's your choice to make."

Steve's jaw drops and he sags backwards before startling forwards from not finding the back of the chair when he expected to. "This is mine? Fully mine, not just 'pay the bills yourself since you failed to get into college' mine?" He repeated, staring around the house as if unable to process the news.

"Yeeesssss." Robin drawled out. "Which leads to the best of it all, you can decorate it however you like and I'm already saying the kids are not being told and should be banished from your house until its done because you Know they'll try to take over and correct any choice you make to their tastes."

Steve blinked at he for a moment before nodding in slow motion, clearly still not processing what it meant. "I can have posters and photos up in my room?" He asked.

"Your room, down here, anywhere. Hell you could plaster the fridge with embarrassing photos or artwork by the kids if you wanted to." Eddie gestured widely around the room as he spoke as if just waving would produce the pictures.

Steve carried on his slow nodding. "Right. This is my house and I can make it a home if I want too. Does that mean you two could move in so it isn't completely empty always?" He looked vulnerable, curling into himself as he realised what he'd asked.

Both of them laughed slightly, "We'll have to see about that. Seems like a big adjustment for all of us when you need the support here." Robin tried to gently reject the offer.

Eddie thought for a moment, watching Steve's reaction and letting the reason why he was asking settle into his brain. "If you can convince Wayne he doesn't need to check I'm alive and not on the run again then maybe in a month or two. We can have plenty more sleepovers before then as we help you though." He offered instead.

"That sounds good. I'd - Can we have a sleep over tonight?" Steve requested, looking between them.

The agreement for that comes easily, all three of them moving back to the living room to put a film on and have some of the cake Steve made.

chapter 3

#stranger things #steve harrington #eddie munson #robin buckley #steve has bad parents #cw child abuse #cw child neglect #cw suicidal indeation #platonic stobin #platonic steddie #steve owns his house #hurt comfort #steve bakes

[simpofficial]

I See You

SteddillyxOc

Chapter 4

Chapter 3 Chapter 5

I woke up to the smell of salt.

It's coming from Steve, who sleeps on my chest. I raise my hand and place it in his hair.

I begin to hum as I run my fingers through his hair. Once the smell of salt reduces and hangs in the air I use my other hand to wipe away his tears.

———

"Sevyn?" I roll the other way and hear him laugh. "Sevyn come on. I know you're hungry."

"Blueberry eggos?" The only delicacy Jim Hopper provided.

"We don't have any."

"Sleep."

"I'll ask my dad to pick some up on his way home from work. But you gotta eat something for now. Come with me and you can pick whatever you want."

"Whatever I want?" I turn towards his presence and he laughs.

"Yes whatever you want. Now come on." He grabs my hand and helps me out of the bed. "I don't know much about the bad men but I do know you probably won't want to be in the house all day." He leads me downstairs as he speaks. "So I laid out some clothes to hide you."

"You're nice." I tell him as he sits me down.

"Thank you. Now we have other breakfast foods but we don't have blueberry eggos." He opens something and I heard a crinkle. "We have these breakfast blueberry pancake sausage corn dogs."

"I have."

"Say I will have that."

"I will have that."

"Good." He closes the thing that produces cold air and opens something else. It was barely opened for a second before it closes and produces a hum.

"You cry."

"I'm not crying."

"Night. You cry."

"Last night you were crying." I wasn't.

"No you cry."

"Sevyn say, last night you were crying." Oh.

"Last night you were crying. Why?"

"I don't know that's just English."

"No. Why you were crying?"

"I think I had a dream about Nancy."

"Nancy bad. No dream her." I hear him laugh a little but I wasn't joking.

"I'll try not to."

———

Before he left he helped me put on a hoodie and hat. He even gave me a pair of glasses before he told me to be safe.

When he left I didn't stay in the house much longer. It was nice and quiet but it's empty. Like my room back at the lab.

When I went outside I felt everything and it felt nice. I inhale and smell gas. It's a weird smell and I only know it because of the lab.

I walked on the road before I heard a loud vehicle. It was too loud to pinpoint where it came from. I covered my ears when a loud noise was heard from behind me.

"Get out of the road weirdo!" I turn around and place my hand on the vehicle. It's warm. "Hey don't touch my car!" Car. Car must be another word for vehicle. I place my other hand on the hood before I heard the door of the car open.

"Billy! Don't do anything!"

"Mind your business, the freak is touching my car!" Freak? Me? "Hey what's your problem?!" I'm grabbed by the hoodie. "Who do you think you are touching my car?" I inhale and he smells sweet.

"Smell good." I lean closer and inhale again. He pushes me back some but doesn't let go of the hoodie.

"Billy!" I turn my head back towards the car and sniff. She's young. Smell so different yet a hint of the same over lay so not related but live together.

"Don't look at her. Who are you?"

"I, Seven."

"Like the fucking number?"

"Fucking?"

"What are you stupid?" He let's go before I feel the hat and glasses removed.

"Not stupid."

"Why the fuck are you in the middle of the road and touching peoples cars."

"Loud."

"Billy just let her go and come on!"

"You Billy?"

"No shit. What the fuck is wrong with your eyes?" I reach up and feel them.

"Not know."

"Why do you talk like you're retarded?" Retarded?

"Steve said speech im-imp..." I growl to myself when I couldn't pronounce the word.

"Speech impairment?" I nod. "So in other words you're an idiot."

"Not idiot."

"Billy we're gonna be late!"

"Shut the hell up Max!" I reach up and cover my ears. "What can't take a little yelling?"

"Loud."

"That's the point. Get the fuck out of the road." Another vehicle approaches and I smell Steve causing me to smile.

"Sevyn?" His door opens. "Sevyn!"

"Steve." I turn towards his car and hear his door close.

"Damn Harrington. You're friends with this retard?"

"Don't call her that."

"Steve what's retard?" I felt his hands on my face and he tilts my head from side to side.

"Nothing you have to worry about. What have a told you about the road?"

"I get hit?"

"Yes you could that's why you stay on the sidewalk."

"Side..walk?"

"When you're not by the woods, when the grass ends there's a sidewalk. You stick to that or the grass. You understand?"

"Yes."

"Move your car Harrington."

"Bye Billy."

"Whatever freak." I sense him go back to his car.

"Steve what is freak?"

"Something that you're not, okay?" I nod. "What were you doing in the road Sevyn?"

"Feeling." Billy's car produces a loud noise again causing me to cover my ears.

"Okay, let's go. Let's get in the car." He leads me to his car and closes the door behind me before I feel him walk away and to Billy's car. I listen to them as I relax in the seat.

"What do you want Harrington?"

"You don't call her a freak."

"And why not? She's the one standing in the middle of the road like one." What's a freak though? "Hey here's an idea Harrington move your fucking car." His car makes a loud noise again making me cover my ears. When it stops I let go. "Go back to your freak."

"I'm warning you, Hargrove."

"Billy let's just go."

"Shut up. I want to know what'll happen if I do it again."

"Try it." They both are angry. Angry isn't good. I reach over and press the thing that makes noise. I don't do it for long because it hurts.

"Go on bitch boy. Your freaks calling." I get out of the car when I hear a grunt from Billy. "That's how you want to do this Harrington?"

"Steve get in."

"No he wants to call you a fre-"

"I said in!" I feel him walk to the car.

"That's right Harrington listen to your freak." When Steve stops I turn my head to him.

"In car."

[kimmimaru]

So, probably a bit TMI (mentions of mental health) for random internet strangers but oh well. I'm sticking it under a cut for people who don't care lol.

So, I've been having a...difficult time lately. I'll keep it simple and just say I'm struggling pretty bad with personal shit. Anyway, I was considering looking into counselling but the NHS no longer fund talking therapy, it's only CBT and stuff which is helpful but not what I need. So I'd have to pay through the nose. And even if I could afford it I've only been able to find 1 single person in my entire town who specialises in treating autistic people. There may be more but honestly I have no idea where to even begin looking. Also like there's loads of groups for older people and people with toddlers but nothing for parents of older kids, groups for the parents I mean. I struggle very badly with making friends and talking to people, I'm awkward as fuck and have no idea how to socialise. Unfortunately I'm not a child so don't have anywhere to go to meet people like me. It's hard to make friends when neurotypicals have an instinctual dislike of autistic people (ok not everyone but apparently they can identify people as 'weird' without even speaking to them and generally tend to avoid us). Sorry, I did say this was probably TMI, but I'm just so fucking lonely and so stressed I'm having heart palpitations. I'm not sleeping either and unfortunately I don't have anyone to actually talk to about it so this is why I'm posting this here. Its at least just getting it all off my chest, even if it's not a long term solution maybe it'll be enough to actually help me get some sleep tonight. My mum was the person I talked to about all this shit, the only one I felt I could actually confide in and she's gone. I have family but they're busy with their own lives and tbh...I never felt like they ever really got me. My dad's a very closed off man, not in a cold way, he was always affectionate but he and my mum got divorced a long time ago and since then I've never felt able to talk to him about deep stuff. I suppose it's something to do with broken trust and all that crap. My sisters are way too busy and have their own problems and lives and my only brother is a lot older than me and far away. They all love me and care about me, I have never doubted it but none of them are neurodivergent. They don't understand me really and never have (that's not a self pitying 'oh woe is me' it's just a fact). It's a very weird feeling to be surrounded by people who love you but knowing they just don't get you. I am extremely aware that people would kill to have what I do, a big, loving family and they try really hard to understand and help but sometimes you just need more weirdos like you who see the world the same way and have the same kind of issues you do. What I want is a day. Just one single fucking day where I can just do what I need to do around the house without just staring at it for hours before I work up the spoons to do it. I want one day where I can actually do something creative as I've lost my drive (probably temporary, depression usually has the opposite affect on me and I write MORE when I'm depressed for some reason). I want to play with my daughter without constantly worrying about if she'll eat something other than junk food (she's an extremely picky eater), or is she'll take a bath without a fight or if she'll actually drink something for a change (yes, we are in contact with doctors about all this, it's just an extremely slow process). I want to wake up and not be exhausted for a change, I want to not be in constant pain for no fucking reason (chronic fatigue...yay). I want to not spend my days unable to focus on anything, to not be constantly disassociating because my stupid brain can't cope with too much sensory input. I am exhausted, I'm grieving and I just want to be normal for a fucking change. Anyway, it's all a lot more complicated than what I've written and it's very unlikely this makes any sense at all. But I needed to write it down, to tell someone, somewhere just so I can stop obsessing over all these thoughts. Maybe now I can sleep.

#Rant post #very long #I don't expect anyone to read this it's a little bit more personal than what I usually post and I'm sorry for that

[kinnoth]

I'm wondering if people's general illiteracy/media illiteracy is affecting their ability to read cause/consequence into their own lives

Like, how many r/aita threads do we see where OP is like "I don't like cooking, I've never liked cooking, but my friend's girlfriend loves cooking and makes really good food. I've started inviting myself over to their place before they get home and eating her food because it's so good. She didn't seem to mind because she never said anything, but then I find out that apparently she badmouthed me to my entire friend group, calling me a creep and now they're all mad at me. I think they should be mad at her because she's the one who badmouthed me behind my back" or like "my parents refused to get me a pet when I was 10 because they said they couldn't handle any more responsibility between our sick grandparents, my newborn sextuplet sisters, and my oldest brother going to rehab. Now, 12 years later, my grandparents have died, my brother is stable, and I've moved out of the house. My sextuplet sisters recently asked for a cat and my parents immediately got them one. I want to go no contact because what the fuck, it's like they hate me or something?"

And it's like, how do you self report the story you self report and not understand that and not understand the sequence of events leading you into your current position. Like, putting aside the assumption that everybody on r/aita is probably a troll, how do you read the story you wrote and not understand the sequence of events that lead to your main character's current misfortune?

Do you live your life with the blissful inability to understand causality? How is every piece of new information like a monster jumping out of the dark to you?

People on Reddit like to put it down to "lack of empathy" but I don't think it's that. I think it's like, some sort of basic inability to remember old information and formulate new information, just like how people who can't parse a written passage are only able to read each word individually without the ability to string words together into a sentence.

Then again, people have been fucking stupid forever, and illiteracy is only recently on the rise again, so what do I know

[sidmjkgc]

Sorry, I wasn’t trying to be flippant and insensitive. My comment about the AC was prompted by the fact I’ve been having a lot of trouble breathing lately, and we’re still trying to narrow the cause down. So for me, AC during the day is what’s keeping me from choking out when the humidity and temperature where I live is sky-rocketing more than I’m also used to. So seeing what amounted to a doom post about how AC is also causing global climate change without offering alternatives really did amount to “guess I’ll die” considering I probably could.

I didn't know about your health condition, I thought you were one of the too many comments that suggest to "just stick an a/c unit in the window and call it a day". And for that I apologise.

There's a huge difference between using the aircon for health reasons, or in specific buildings (public spaces, work spaces, hospitals...) or in specific part of the world where the temperature is always extremely high, and blasting the aircon just because it's summer and therefore you want a nice breeze in your house. I know this is a stupid example, but think about the american movies when you see someone inside with only a tshirt on in the middle of winter and someone with long sleeves in summer. I don't know how much of this is real and how much is movie magic, but every time it blows my mind how weather (and aircon/heat) works in the USA.

Aircon pollutes the environment, just like cars and planes, and given how fast things are changing, we need to do something about it and make conscious decisions. If you can't walk, of course you're gonna use cars. If you can't breathe, of course use the aircon. If you can avoid those things, please do think about the bigger picture and avoid them. Then again, the main problem is not the singular individual, but the big company that are destroying everything in the name of capitalism. And there's a huge ecofascism problem and guilt tripping, and in the end the people who suffer the most and get accused the most are poor people and disabled people. Look at the plastic straw thing.

Since this last heatwave (that is still going for fuck's sake), I have becoming a bit obsessed with climate change, I am aware of this. I am looking for practical solutions, and I am met with people who think we are doomed, ecofascists that says humanity is a virus, vegans who suggest to start eating stuff that I don't even know where to find, celebrities who take the private jet to avoid a twenty minutes journey in the car, people guilt tripping you into stop using plastic or fast fashion, the average texan commenter that calls you weak for risking a heatstroke and "just stick the a/c unit in the window", the zero waste gurus and the greenwashing... And it's becoming infuriating and we are all on edge. (On top of that, politicians don't help. Our government just fell, again, fascists are on the rise, the left is barely alive, I don't even know if the green party still exists and where it is... And every summer I think back at Silvio Berlusconi who suggested that "old people and children should go shopping in the mall to get a nice breeze from the air conditioning" instead of, I don't know, suggesting anything else.)

As a general rule, do you need it or can you avoid it? Do you need to take your car for a short trip, or can you walk or use public transportation? Do you need to eat meat every day, or can you eat it every once in a while or avoid it completely? Do you need to eat something that was made on the other side of the world using modern slavery, or can you buy something else from local sources? Do you need to buy fast fashion clothes every couple of months, or can you buy it more sporadically or from thrift shops or other stores? Do you need to drink with a straw or eat at fast foods every time, or can you find alternative solutions? Do you need to have the aircon on everyday because it's the only thing keeping you alive, or can you take a shower and use a fan to cool yourself? And so on. If you can avoid it, if you can afford to buy something different, if you can find an alternative, please consider doing it. If you can't avoid it or you can't afford it, don't feel guilty about it because it's not your fault.

This has gotten way too long and I am sorry. Again, I didn't know where you were coming from, and I wrongly assumed it was a sarcastic/meme response because I had just read three post in a row saying how europeans are weak and stupid and to just buy an aircon. I am sorry about your health, I hope it gets better and you can find out what's the problem and resolve it.

#sid interacts #goldenbloodytears

[not-close-to-straight]

“Billy--” 

“Maybe it’s too broken.” He pulled the broken toothpick from his teeth and tossed it towards the trashcan. “Maybe we’re…too broken.” 

“I don’t think you’re broken, Billy.” Ms. Kelley shook her head. “I think you’re hurt in ways only your soulmate could ever understand and I think Steve is hurt in ways only you could ever understand, but I don’t think you’re broken. I think the two of you just really need each other, and I think you need to be proactive about taking steps to strengthen what is good about your soulmate bond. It’s important to you, right? Your bond and your soulmate? Steve is important to you.” 

“I’d do anything for him.” Billy took another toothpick. Ground it between his teeth. “I’d kill for him.” Quieter. “Die for him. He just doesn’t know it.” 

“Then tell him.” 

That will be an interesting conversation for sure!

“Right.” Billy would have stretched sheets and pulled his muscles to tearing every day if it was their bed instead of no one’s bed where he was supposed to sleep alone. “Right yeah. It. Okay.” 

He’d really thought, in the deepest most secret part of his terrified heart-- Billy had really thought Steve would take him home and take him to bed. Wrap them both up in blankets. Make space for Billy in the room with the plaid wallpaper with the window over looking the garden. 

Fuck, he was stupid. 

Oh Billy, you are not stupid. I sort of thought the same so yeah....

“So if you need anything, you can call me.” Steve explained quietly. “Nightmares or if you hurt too bad to come downstairs or whatever. Channel six is the only unclaimed channel. The kids talk to everyone on channel one and they have like code names and stuff for the other channels so ours has to be on six. I’ll tell everyone to stay off it.” 

Okay, that is progress! I am seeing Steve giving Billy a radio as a good thing. It's all Very Awkward right now for sure, somehow I feel awkward reading it, but that radio is a step. (Okay, A Very, Very Small One, but a step none the less!)

Brr, Steve's house feels so weird. I know it's been mentioned before but seeing the house through Billy's eyes makes it look too big and too empty. Almost the house featured in a horror movie. I can't explain it well. It just doesn't feel welcoming and like a home. Right now, it's just a house. A depressing one. 😞

Steves house from Billys POV is definitely weird

I was talking about this scene with another reader and I think the reason it sets so weird is because up till now we’ve seen the house from Steves POV as empty but he’s used to it and from Robins POV as empty but whatever, she’s here to cuddle up with Steve in his room and from (not) POV where it just coldly catalogues everything in the house in a very fact gathering but adjacent from emotion way

We haven’t seen it from the POV of someone moving in. This is supposed to be billys new home and him being stunned/weirdest out by how uncomfortable the place is even compared to the Cherry Lane house really really drives home the point of just how alone Steve has been for months now.

The lack of food especially hits hard. I think most of equate stocked cupboards/bulk food supplies with comfort and stability. Even if we don’t ever cook, we have cans of soup or ramen or left overs in the fridge etc. so the way steve has nothing extra in the cupboards, nothing in the pantry— it goes far beyond him being in the hospital for a month and right into us (Billy) having to realize that steve never ever eats at him because he’s not comfortable enough there, or into him not taking good enough care of himself to grocery shop beyond what he needs right then and there. It speaks to steve probably sleeping instead of eating when the depression got bad and he couldn’t find the energy and motivation to go to the store and it ALSO speaks to steve never asking for help.

He knew they were coming home. He could have asked Robin to at least drop a pizza off. Could have called Joyce and asked for some help with groceries. He could have stopped on the way home.

But he doesn’t. He doesn’t ask for help and it doesn’t register as Wrong to him for there to be nothing at his house.

The big empty house being cold and echoing and clearly not lived in is one thing, but the empty kitchen was SO jarring.

[finsterhund]

Roommate is saying about how he'll need me to help out more with money AGAIN this month and I swear to god I am so close to just fucking running away and SQUATTING ILLEGALLY ON MY GRANDPARENTS FARM. FOR FUCKS SAKE I FUCKING WANT TO DIE FUCKIBNG INFLATION MONEY AND RENT IS TOO HIGH AND I CAN NEVER CSTCH A FUCKIBG BREAK.

Screaming and crying and throwing up. We need to start publicly executing the horrifically wealthy again. I can't fucking take this anymore. All I want to fucking do is hug puppy dog and have a quilt and eat more than once a day and live in a house and not have to worry for every fucking second.

This species built the fucking pyramids and domesticated grains like twenty different fucking times and walked on the goddamn fucking moon and built a fucking instant worldwide communication network and we still have fucking class and poverty and shit. It's all fucking great britain's fault and by extension it's all fucking the Romans fault. I want to go back in time and stop the industrial revolution by ushering in a plague of hundred years endless winter or some shit. I want to make it so that the black death only killed upper class people. I want to just fucking hurt meteors at the fucking planet until everything fucking stops and we can go back to being nomadic hunter gatherers again. Maybe with some metal working as a treat. Roving gangs of citystate barbarians is infinitely better than this shit. A hundred thousand years ago my stupid special brain would make me a respected expert on an important niche topic like identifying safe to eat food or stonemasonry or whatever the fuck but now I'm just a little bitch boy who lives in a tiny ass room and gets chump change as an apology from the government for being disabled. I am seriously at my limit.

My lockjaw is so bad I'm having trouble chewing food and I don't think I've slept in the past 48 hours.

My only reprieve is that my ADHD meds allows me to forget how much I want to die and deep dive into textile arts tutorials from fucking sites made twenty years ago.

It's 5AM now and I was supposed to have a bath and go to bed but I'm just unable to do anything except grind my teeth because of how much my jaw already hurts which only makes it worse.

#text post #negative #god i just gotta fucking scream this out snd hope i feel better