#I always need to practically script a phone conversation

[kidney9-9]

Two Ghosts - Tom Holland x Reader

IT IS FINALLY OUT! Yay, I'm so excited to post this request. I hope you all enjoy it and thank you very much for being patient and for reading this! BIG THANK YOU to my best friend who requested this. I love you very much, and I hope you like it. Thank you for all the advice and thank you for helping me as well @evermoreparker

My requests are open and again thank you to my bestie, I love you!!

Tom Holland x fem!Reader [Established Relationship/Angst/Fluff/Smut] Warnings: Swearing, lots of drinking, smut, use of nicknames, cum eating, cockwarming, oral sex, and no protection Word Count: 26k

-

The last few days have been horrible for you.

Things weren’t always great, but you usually could deal with it after relaxing for a few hours at home. But today was even worse, especially with everything building up.

Your boss made a few icky remarks at you for irrelevant things, such as the way you walked to the elevator, and the way you typed, and even the way you breathed. It was all so irritating, but the worst thing he said was that you should be paid less because you barely did anything – but you do more work than he does every day. He ran part of the hiring agency you worked for, so you couldn’t really go to management or human resources to complain about him – he would just find a way to fire you within the next few weeks. You’ve only worked there for about two years now, and you missed your old job, but you couldn’t go back.

At home, things felt even worse. Every room was so messy, there were random clothes thrown everywhere, some stains on the furniture, and the floors were so dirty.

And the bathrooms… there were only two bathrooms in the home, and both were disgusting. You didn’t have time to clean up, but you at least picked up all your messes. It was mostly Tom and his friends hanging out and leaving the place a mess, but you sort of understood why he wasn’t cleaning up, since he didn’t have any time.

He was always looking for inspiration to write a new script, or always on the phone, chatting with his agent for potential future projects. If he wasn’t focused on work, he was with his friends, helping one of them plan a wedding, and helping another with starting a business.

You understood that mostly.

If your best friend were getting married and needed help, you would help with making decisions and planning everything. You don’t get why Tom was helping with starting a business, but you supposed he wanted to just kind of look into the whole venture of business. He’s always been interested in learning about businesses and wanted to know how to do those sorts of things.

The wedding planning for his friend always took place at home, leaving random old sample foods everywhere, even some bottles of wine, and so many different invite letters, which was why the home was so messy. You two were always exhausted, but you were a bit upset with him leaving the house like this. He could have at least asked his friends to clean up a bit. Last night, you found some pieces of fabric and different ties on the couch. You understood that too, wedding outfits were important too.

But the thing was that Tom was not obligated to help with any of these things that much!

He was acting like it was his wedding practically, and you scowled thinking about that, because it’s been so long (over three years now) since you two have been dating but he hasn’t proposed. You’ve asked about it approximately five times now, and the conversations about getting married always ended in, well great things like having a fun night, but still he never has hinted at proposing.

The business thing as well, he didn’t need to help so much, it seemed like he was in partnership with his friend, Tuwaine, for this business, which you knew so much about since all he talked about was that. How the business was so innovating with the idea of selling reusable items packaged with different types of seeds – which was cool, but you’ve heard enough about it. You would always want to talk about other things, but Tom didn’t care to.

You weren’t feeling good too these days. You were sure you had a cold or something, with migraines on and off again, it was so irritating. Everything was just going wrong, and you were feeling homesick, missing your friends in your home country.

And with Tom, you were so close to just giving up on him. You were close to giving up on a few things in your life, but the most important thing was him, and it hurt to think about. You gave up so much to be here with him, so it was hard to even consider.

These last few weeks, he barely talked to you, and when he did, it’s about everything except you two. If the conversation stirs up your relationship, he makes up some excuses and he just would leave. It hurts so much knowing he is avoiding talking to you, when you have given so much to him. You two bought a house together, for crying out loud.

When would the next step come? Are you two just falling apart?

And you’ve tried including him in so many different ways in your life too. You’ve added him in every group chat with your friends and family, you shared a calendar with him to make sure he saw everything and would try to do so many things with him, but he just wouldn’t do it.

You felt like you’ve given almost all your energy, outside of work, to him and you’ve tried the best and the hardest you’ve ever could talk to him, but he gave you nothing in return at this point.

Today was the day you would bring it up.

You needed to at this point, because you couldn’t be in a relationship that sucked out all your energy for much longer. You were tied up in so much with him too, it would be hard to let it go if you hadn’t talked about it first.

It was Saturday, the one day off work, except for that mandatory online meeting for you. You woke up early to get yourself ready. You lousily put on a semi-professional top, covering your legs with a blanket and you went into the guest bedroom with your laptop. Of course, you didn’t wake up with Tom on the other side of the bed and you didn’t like going into the main bedroom unless he was there. He wasn’t even at home; didn’t bother to tell you he would be out all night. He just messaged earlier yesterday that he would be wine testing again with his friends at a vineyard.

The meeting was shit; you might have muted your boss for the first fifteen minutes because his voice bugged you. But otherwise, it was a useless meeting that could have been pushed to Monday. Your mind was stuck on Tom though. You pushed your laptop away on the bed as you pulled your phone up to call him.

It rang a few times before he picked it up.

“Uh, hello. What time is it?” He answered, groaning as it sounded like he was sitting up. You put him on the speaker, crossing your arms as you felt a bit of a pain in your heart as you thought about what you needed to do.

“Tom? It’s ten in the morning… where are you? Are you okay?” Your voice showed how worried you were, and Tom let out a sigh in return.

“I’m with the guys, I’m fine, just, you woke me up. What is it?” He replied and you instantly scoffed quietly, looking at the phone irritated at him. He wasn’t even being nice to you now. He sounded like he was annoyed you woke him up, but you were worried and angry that he wasn’t here, at home. Instead, he was “with the guys” wherever that was. You were sure they just got drunk at the vineyard and went to one of their places to crash, but he didn’t tell you much.

“What is it? Seriously? Why aren’t you at home? I’m worried about you and what’s been going on, it feels like we aren’t even talking at all and,” He cut you off with a laugh.

“Good morning to you too mate.” You heard him say, speaking to his friend. You rolled your eyes. He wasn’t even listening.

You tried one more time, “Tom, are you there?” You heard the phone shuffle on the other side. Then, he said, “Yeah, it’s just her, don’t worry. We’re all here for you man.” You hung up with a big sigh, “just her”, you knew you shouldn’t get angry over that, but his tone was dismissive.

You don’t know how long you laid in the guestroom for. You slept for a long time and then woke up to look at some photos on your phone, contemplating on if you should delete the ones with Tom. He really pissed you off, disappointed you, and most of all let you down for so long now. He wasn’t the one anymore it seemed, not really. He gave up his passion and time to go do other things that were more important to him.

You practically made the decision before he came home that it was over.

“Love? I’m home. Where’s dinner at? Isn’t today the day you make something, and then tomorrow it’s my turn?” You heard his shout from the other side of the house. You didn’t move out of your spot of the bed, rolling your eyes at his voice.

Your turn to make dinner? Not happening. You didn’t respond, instead opened your messaging app to reply to your friends. You barely spoke to them lately because of how busy you’ve been. You told them about it and apologized, but you kept quiet about Tom. You didn’t want to talk about it with them now. It would just hurt you even more.

“Babe, what’s going on?” Tom was standing in the doorway, arms crossed.

“What’s going on? That’s funny.” You laughed without any humor in your tone, not bothering to look at him.

“What?” he asked, walking in and sitting on the edge of the bed. You shifted in the bed, sitting up with the covers up to your shoulders.

“You’re… not really here.” You tried to explain, but you already felt a lump in your throat forming. Tom shook his head, not understanding what you were trying to say, and you shrugged your shoulders at him.

You struggled out another laugh, “Yea, it’s just her, don’t worry.” You quoted him and then he looked to the side, sighing and he lifted his hand like he was going to explain. You just stared at him and nodded, “Yea, it’s just her,” You repeated, tone of your voice hardening.

“Don’t worry.” You managed to get out, before a tear came down your face. “I really tried to give you the benefit of the doubt. That you were still here, that you still cared for us, but you weren’t. You’re just not around for us anymore.”

Tom tried to reach out to you, but you leaned away from his touch. “Stop it.” You whispered to him, looking out the window.

“I am still here – that was just, well you know. Harrison had a bad argument with his fiancée about the wine and the invitations. I wanted to be there for him, he was going through a hard time and needed someone.” Tom explained, backing away from you as he saw your reaction.

“I do know, of course I know, because that is all you talk about! Or that business thing that you’re always on about. That’s the only thing you talk about now and you just talk, you don’t converse.” You argued back, trying to breathe in deeply.

“Converse? Really?” He almost laughed at that, not taking you seriously.

That was the last straw for you. “Okay, pack a bag, get out of here.” You said, shaking your head at him. You got out of the bed, walked out of the room and he followed, laughing.

“What are you talking about?” He laughed again, a bit nervously this time. You wiped your tears away, starting to tremble a little but you kept your cries quiet. He grabbed onto your hand and pulled you his way to face him.

“You don’t love me anymore. Or at least that’s what it feels like. You don’t put in any work with us, with our home, with… anything that has to do with our relationship. I have stayed up cleaning up after all your messes, all the things that you say make you happy. I get it that you have things you want to do, yeah. I have supported you in all these things! But you don’t care… You aren’t here anymore emotionally, and now physically. You spend more time outside our home than inside. And I’ve tried involving you so much in my life.”

He listened, finally. He saw the tears in your eyes and still, for some reason, he sighed. He let go of your hand as his phone started to ring. He pulled it out of his pocket and glanced back up to you to see the hurt in your eyes.

And he still answered the phone.

“Yeah, I’m on my way now.”

He was so dumb, he swore, but this was so important to him at the moment.

Some part of the deal broke apart, and the packaging for his friend’s business was delivered to the wrong place, and everything was going to shit. There were so many things going on in his life that he really needed to be in so many places at once. You were so important to him as well, but he thought you understood that he couldn’t be with you in person for so long.

He left the house after a silent moment, and he muttered a quick apology to you and walked out the door. He just needed to do something really fast, and then he’d get back to you.

As long as he fixed this part of the deal in the business, then he can go back home and apologize to you. That was his plan! He just really needed to go figure out how to fix this mess first.

By the time he had finished calling all of the people he needed to, he was exhausted. Things weren’t going the way they should be, and he was already late to a graduation party for his cousin, which he wanted to go with you, but it was all too crazy.

He bought a fancy wine bottle to give as a congratulatory gift to his cousin. He sighed to himself, turning the car off and looked into the mirror quickly to check if he had looked decent. His hair was messy, sticky with sweat from the stress he was in, and his eyes had looked so dull.

He kept thinking about you, wondering if you were okay, but he knew you weren’t. The look of hurt in your eyes made him see how he screwed up that bad, but he held out some hope that once he got home tonight, that you guys would talk to each other, and it would turn out alright. He didn’t even have the time to call or send you a message, but he doubted that you’d want to hear from him through a text and a call wouldn’t show how sorry he was.

He got out of the car after wiping the sweat off his face and pushed his hair back into place. The party was at his cousin’s place, but after walking in, it seemed like everyone had been planning on going over to the bar across the street to celebrate.

“Hey, congratulations Daniel.” He spoke up, nodding over to his cousin. His cousin grinned at him, pulling him into a side hug and the two chatted over a few things before they started to walk over to the bar. The bottle of wine stayed back in the apartment and Tom noticed a few other of his family members, and even old friends that were Daniel’s age.

“I invited Evan, I think he’s already inside.” Daniel said, glancing over to Tom. His eyes popped open in surprise at the mention.

“Evan, like our Evan, back in the soccer practice days?” Tom laughed in shock as Daniel affirmed it, shaking his head. A bit of happiness surged at the thought of their childhood. The soccer program was one of the reasons him and Daniel were so close, as they hung out almost everyday of the summer and winter breaks of school, practicing soccer.

Evan was their best friend, and together they were like The Three Stooges, always doing dumb things. The soccer program ran for 5 years, and once it ended, Tom moved to another school and unfortunately grew apart from his friendship with Evan and Daniel. He would only see Daniel during family get-togethers, and he hadn’t seen Evan since.

“How’s he been? I mean, what happened to him, over all these years?” Tom asked, still pleasantly surprised at the fact, and Daniel grinned at him.

“He’s good, I’m sure you guys will get along still, don’t worry about that. He’s training to be a dentist, and Ben’s still alive.” Daniel replied, shocking Tom again about Ben, Evan’s childhood dog, still alive. That dog must have been almost twenty years old now.

By the time they got inside and started talking to Evan again, Tom realized how close their lives all had been, even though they were barely in contact again. Sure, Tom and Daniel still spoke and were close, but Evan lived only a few minutes away. He and his girlfriend lived together, who worked at the same place you did.

Tom noticed it instantly, when Evan brought up the name of the business and he gasped, “Oh mate, my girlfriend works there too!”

“You being serious? What’s her name? Christine probably knows her.”

Tom told him your name, feeling an ache in his chest, it felt weird talking about you when you two weren’t on good terms at the moment. But this connection was so surprising, and he felt a vague remembrance at the back of his mind of the name Christine as well.

“No fucking way, Christine loves her – they’re like best friends at work, says she’s practically her work wife.” Evan stopped to laugh as Tom gawked at the information, “I met her a couple days ago at their luncheon with the families. She’s pretty cool!”

“What luncheon? This is insane, but uh, yeah! She told me about Christine being her friend a while ago, this is such a small world.” Tom replied and Daniel interrupted the conversation right as Tom finished, bringing in a few drinks.

“Come on guys, it’s not every day we all our childhood best friends meet again for my college graduation, let’s celebrate!” Daniel cheered, and Tom took a drink, grinning at him.

Tom didn’t mean to stay there the whole time, he really thought he’d go home within the hour, but things were going great. He talked to his aunt and uncle, and a few other cousins. The rest of his family couldn’t make it because they were all busy, but it was such a surprising and lovely night that Tom let go of his worries and just started to party with Daniel and Evan.

Another one of his friends called him to ask to hang out and somehow, it ended up with Daniel and Evan partying with Tom and the rest of his friends at one of their places all night. Harrison had let them all sleep at his shared place with his fiancée.

Tom couldn’t really recall much after his eighth drink or so, but at some point, he was sure that he must’ve tripped over something because his foot hurt so fucking bad.

It was time to go home. He felt exhausted still, and he wanted to clean up because of how gross he felt from last night. He excused himself from his friend’s place with a promise to hang out again soon, and then quickly left. He drove home, glancing down at his foot whenever he felt it aching again from the pain. He felt like an idiot, rethinking everything that’s happened in the past week or so.

You were right, he didn’t really talk to you much, but he still made time for you before and he would do it again, when all of his plans were done. He argued with himself in his mind, and before he knew it, he was back home.

There were a few cars parked around the home, including one that took his parking spot. He sighed and parked in front of the neighbor’s house. He got out of the car, locking it after he walked across the street. He heard some music playing from inside the house, it was pretty quiet though, and he unlocked the door, walking in.

For a moment, he was confused, hearing laughter from the living room. He couldn’t see anyone but as he walked in, he saw a few people sitting on the couch and two of the other seats. You were sitting on the seat, facing him and as he walked in, you were the first to notice him.

You stood up abruptly, causing your friends to quiet down and they all glanced his way. A few waved to him, but most ignored him, and you looked away and smiled at your friends. “I’ll be right back.” With that, you walked over to Tom, and he followed you to the bedroom.

“Uh, hey.” He spoke up as you two walked into the room. You crossed your arms before you replied, “Hi,” You paused, feeling unsure of what to say first because there were so many things you wanted to say all at once.

“You could have texted… you know that you were coming by.” You added, feeling a bit more nervous and angrier.

“It’s my place too, and I needed to talk to you. We should talk things out to see what the problem is, and we can figure things out.” He responded, limping around you. He sat down on the edge of the bed while you continued to stand near the door. You closed it slightly, so your friends wouldn’t hear the private conversation.

“Alright, let’s talk.” You offered back, eyebrows raising. Talk? He finally wanted to talk to you, you thought bitterly. After so long, he was going to speak to you, without pushing you away or leaving you out, or ignoring you.

“I think what you did wasn’t very polite.” He almost cringed at himself, realizing how badly that came out.

You scoffed, “What did I do that wasn’t very polite?” Did I purposely ignore you for so long? Not letting you know that I was going to be out for an entire night. Not answer your messages and calls?” You listed a few things he’s been doing to you, and he rolled his eyes.

“Come on, that wasn’t what I was doing.” He defended himself. In his view, he was just busy, and he didn’t notice that he was doing that to you.

In fact, he was sure that he was doing that to everyone, his friends as well – ignoring some messages and calls because of how busy he was. When he lived by himself it was a normal thing to do, the only person who gave him grief about it was his best friend, Harrison.

“What the hell were you doing then, Tom? You have no idea how alone I felt and how worried I was when you were out drinking with your friends!” You spoke up, shaking your head at him.

“Well, you’re hanging out with your fucking friends right now.” He shot back and you scoffed again, looking away from him.

“You’re deflecting… And you know I barely see them.” Your voice ran sad, and Tom frowned deeper than he already was.

“And you’re still spending time together with them, when you’re complaining about me hanging out with my friends! What the hell is that about? That’s so fucking hypocritical.” Tom spat back to you, shaking his head.

 “My friends mean a lot to me! We rarely see each other!” You defended yourself, your voice rising back to Tom as he laughed bitterly over your words.

“Why the fuck do you care about them so much if you rarely see them? Huh? Why are they so important to you? They are never here, and you barely see them – maybe what, like once a year? Or even less than that?” Tom was just rattling off things, not realizing how upset you were becoming.

“Fuck you Tom… That’s petty as shit. You are the one that never includes himself when my friends and I talk. We try to talk every day on the phone or on a video call, even in messaging group chats, and I always try to include you but you’re such a jerk to them. You don’t know anything about them, which makes me feel so pathetic because I think they’re a big part of my life!” You practically shouted.

“You know what, why do you care that much about your friends? It’s not like they’re part of our lives, so who cares if I was a dick to them. They barely come here cause they’re living in another country most of the time. I don’t know who they are, and they don’t know who I am! So what?” Tom shrugged at his behavior.

“I moved to a whole different country for you, for this relationship… and this is how you act about a big part of who I am? My friends are still part of my life from back in my home country and I’m not letting that go at all. I gave up so much to be here with you because I thought we wanted the same things in a relationship.” You couldn’t get through to him, and he couldn’t get through to you at this point.

“Fuck, do you not understand what I’m saying to you? I appreciate that you moved here and all, but your friends are nobody here in our lives. I don’t care about them, and I don’t plan to put any effort into knowing them because they rarely visit or talk to me.” Tom exaggerated about your friends.

“Wow… Just, wow. You are not who I thought you were.”

“I’m exactly the same. Just busier than normal. You’re being so dramatic about those people who mean nothing to us.” Tom rolled his eyes, teasing you for feeling this way. He didn’t realize how much your friends meant to you, and to him, you were acting like they were practically your family.

You started to tear up at his mean words, never expecting him to be like this. Your tears started to roll down your face fast, and you took a step away from him and breathed in deeply. You had to bring up something else now, because it seemed clear he wasn’t going to see your point of view.

“So, what’s going on? Why are you never home? Why does it feel like I’m the only one putting in effort?” You responded, trying to calm down. This was one of the most serious times you two have argued and you never thought it would turn out to be this horrible.

When you turned to look at him again, you saw how upset he was too, but you also saw how out of it he was. His hair was so messy, going up in different spots, it looked like he had a crumb on his cheek? And his face was just plastered in old sweat and dirt, like he didn’t clean up after himself. He even stunk pretty bad, like he hasn’t showered in a while.

You sighed to yourself and pressed your hand up against your face, not knowing what to do as you tried to stop crying.

Tom wasn’t sure what to do either.

He knew what to say, but he wasn’t sure if he could follow up with his actions right away. And he realized he had hurt you badly when he was talking about your friends. He still felt irritated that they were here and that you were complaining about him hanging out with his friends, but now he could see your perspective about how important some people could be in your life, since his friends were just as important to him.

He still needed to get things done as soon as possible. too He was helping Harrison with his wedding, and his other friend, Tuwaine, with his business.

As best man to a wedding, he needed to do every activity to the upcoming wedding and party with Harrison as much as possible before the wedding. They even had a check list of everything Harrison needed to do before getting married. Tom promised to do as much as he could to make sure the wedding would turn out amazing.

And as a silent partner in this upcoming business, it was hard. Turns out a silent partner isn’t really silent most of the time. Tom had no clue about that! But he was doing his best to help Tuwaine out with the business as he saw it was a great potential.

“I think I can,” He paused and cleared his throat, “I think I can text you stuff like where I am and what I’m doing, but I really can’t stay home so much. You know I have a lot of work to do right now. I want to be there for my friends as much as I can.”

“You think you can? And I thought in this relationship, we both tried to be there for each other as much as we could, Tom. Are you saying you can’t do that anymore?” Your breath hitched, as you felt unsteady from continuing to talk. You managed to stop crying for a few minutes, but your eyes still burned with tears that waited to fall. You paused to let Tom respond to see what he had to say.

“That’s not what I’m saying at all! I mean, I can’t fucking be here all the time, but you aren’t here all the time too. You go to work and what about that luncheon? What the hell was that? Why didn’t you invite me?” Tom burst out, irritated that the conversation was going in this direction. He felt horrible for making you cry, and he felt that there was still stuff you two needed to talk about.

“Huh? The luncheon? Tom, I did invite you. I asked you two months ago to go with me, and you said yes! You were the one that forgot. I tried talking to you about it before it happened, to remind you, but you cut me off.” You answered him, feeling a little confused but still very upset.

“No, you didn’t, I would have remembered that. I’m sure I would have remembered.” He retorted, standing up.

“Like hell you would. I put the invitation on your desk too.” You added, raising your eyebrows at him.

“Okay, so maybe you did, but still, you expect so much of me and I can’t fulfil that right now! I’m too busy. After the wedding and after the next few weeks of the business, things will go back to normal, but right now, I can’t do the things you want me to do.” Tom raised his hands to show how he was feeling, and you shook your head at him again.

“Do you even know what I want you to do? It’s the bare fucking minimum.” You felt like you were talking to a brick wall at that point.

Tom stumbled over his words, not even knowing mw to respond. The bare minimum of what? He was so confused, no one had ever talked about this before with him, he didn’t get it.

You sighed, disappointed and angry. “All I want – no, all I need, was to know you’re okay and you’re safe, and you’re not out there doing dumb shit. All I need is someone who knows how to be an adult and clean up after themselves. All I need is someone who cares.”

When he didn’t respond, you shook your head and turned to leave. As you walked out the doorway, Tom went to grab your hand but quickly slipped down from the pain radiating in his foot. He was in an awkward position, with one leg up and one leg down, in a classic purposing pose.

“Ow, fuck.” He whispered at his foot, not noticing what he was doing. When he looked up at you, your face had twisted in some kind of shade of anger, disappointment, humiliation, and pity.

“Oh, Tom… what the fuck. This is really not the time to do that.” With that, you tore away from him, rushing out of the bedroom.

You didn’t even say anything to your friends because you felt so embarrassed and hurt about Tom, and with a huff of air, you left the house. Your friends stared after you, whispering to each other, wondering what to do.

As Tom walked out of the bedroom, he slowly made his way to the living room, feeling incredibly guilty and horrible. He wished he could just melt on the floor for a few hours and just feel better after that, but he knew he couldn’t. He needed to go and apologize to you and also apologize to your friends.

Speaking of your friends, they were still in the living room, all staring angrily at him. He deserved it, very much. He didn’t even know what to say except, a short, “Hi there.” And the entire group continued to stare at him silently.

“Um, I’m sorry, but I think its best you guys leave right now. She probably needs to talk to you all, I’m sorry.” He felt odd but he knew he had to do that. He held the door open for them all and he kept whispering sorry as they walked out.

After they left, Tom collapsed on the bed, feeling exhausted but still terrible about what happened. He knew he needed to talk to you and your friends, but he figured it would be best to do that separately because he did feel bad that he was mean to your friends. If someone had been rude to him as he was mean to them all, he would have wanted to scream at them. He knew he really needed to apologize, so after he took a shower and a small nap, he texted the group separately from you, asking to see if he could meet them for breakfast tomorrow.

When they all confirmed after Tom sent them a long message of begging and pleading, Tom finally felt a little bit of hope for the future. He continued to pack a bag of a few of his things, with his clothes and some other essentials. Once he was done, he texted the group again and told him that he left the place and that it was alright for Y/n to come back. He knew that she was with them, and he also knew that she would be very angry if he didn’t leave for a few nights.

-

When Tom left Tuwaine’s apartment early, he had made sure to look his absolute best, so he could impress and hopefully convince your friends to give him a second chance to be friends with them. He was such a jerk to them for so long, and now he knew he needed to apologize to them for doing that. He also knew that he needed to apologize to you, but he wanted to apologize to your friends first because he wanted to hear what they would say to him.

He showed up to the bakery and saved a table outside. He made sure to buy everything they might want too, using small plates from the bakery to put them on the table. It looked like he was having a small birthday celebration, but no, he was just making sure everything looked good and that all your friends would feel comfortable.

He sat at the table for about fifteen minutes before all of your friends showed up. One of them waved to him, friendly and kind, and most of the others looked at him angrily and annoyed. He cringed to himself, hoping that the conversation would go alright.

“Hi, good morning.” He stood up, greeting them. He pointed to the seats for them all to sit down. A few did sit down but others refused, shaking their heads at him.

“I’m not sitting until I hear a reason to.” One of them spoke up. And then another one flipped him off, when he looked their way. Oh, he felt so guilty for what he did to them and you.

He sighed and started talking, “Uh, I’m sorry for… well everything, really. I’ve been a dick to you guys because I thought you guys didn’t really… fuck, this is going to sound mean, I thought you guys didn’t really matter to her and us anymore because you don’t live here. I realize now that is not true, but I’m sorry for not giving you all a chance to be friends with me or even talk to me. I thought you guys just weren’t a part of her life anymore, and I acted mean because I thought you were all kind of against me and her together. I’m sorry for all of that, and honestly, I am willing to beg you guys to give me a second chance or to start things all over again, new, and introduce myself to you guys, as the person I actually am.”

He stopped his rambling as one of your friends stepped forward, and he tried recalling her name, Sophia or maybe it was Maria, he wasn’t sure. He somewhat tried to grin towards her as he pushed his hand out in front of him, to reintroduce himself. She was one of the people standing up still.

It looked like she was going to shake his hand as she set her hand forward, but it wasn’t that. Instead, her hand flew up and smacked his face hard. The sound of her slap drifted around the table like an echo almost, and Tom stumbled back with an audible, “Shit!”

There was an outline of her hand on his face, and he groaned as he rubbed his cheek. “I deserved that…” He mumbled as he glanced back at her.

“Yeah, you did asshole.”

“You deserve much worse.”

“Yeah, he’s such a dick! I can’t believe him.”

“Fuck you, we tried being nice to you.”

“You really hurt her. What a jerk!”

The group was practically shouting at him, and he stumbled back until his back hit the window of the bakery and he kept mummering his apologies. The way they all stood up for you and against him made him feel a different way. He would do the same for you in any situation like this too, and he felt terrible that he didn’t realize your friends were actually good people.

He just pushed them aside and acted like they were nothing to you after you moved here with him. If you said and treated his friends the way that he did to yours, he would have felt horrible and upset just the same as you were feeling now.

“I really didn’t mean to be so rude. I swear it!” He spoke up to the group.

“Really?” One of them spoke up, a shorter girl, who he remembered was Ana.

“Yes, really. My judgement of you all was completely wrong and I’m sorry. And I’m not just saying sorry because of Y/n, I’m genuinely saying sorry for being a mean person to you all. That was wrong of me, I wasn’t raised to be like that, I swear. And I should have never done that, I just didn’t realize how much you guys meant to her and I also didn’t realize that you all were good people. If I put the effort in that I should have, I would have seen how good of friends you all are.” He sincerely apologized again, wiping his head again as he felt like he was sweating like crazy.

He felt so nervous about being in front of a group of friends. He seriously never felt like such a jerk before, and he felt like he should be apologizing over and over again.

“Hm, okay. I’ll accept your apology but I’m never forgetting it. You hurt Y/n and you hurt us… but more importantly you hurt her. We thought you were a rude person from the way you treated us, but Y/n was always defending you, saying you were actually a great person and that you were just always feeling sick or tired, or not in the mood to talk.” Ana said, crossing her arms.

“Yeah, you won’t believe how much she defended you. But I don’t think I can forgive you that easily. Y/n deserves better than this.” Tom didn’t recognize this person, but he nodded in understanding.

“I get that, I do, but please, let me show you guys that I am a good person. I promise I will apologize to her too.” He responded, gazing down at his shoes. He felt so bad still and he honestly felt like he was about to cry. He didn’t know how you would ever accept his apology but if you did, he would be the luckiest guy in the world.

“Fine, I can do that… I don’t know about the others.” Ana replied, gazing at Sophia and a few others.

“I think we need to hear more about what happened. Y/n was so upset, and you hurt her so much. I want to hear your side of the story, but just know that if you are lying or anything, I will beat you up.” Sophia said. Another one nodded, picking up a muffin and taking a bite out of it.

Phew, okay, so they are willing to listen to him and hear how sorry he felt. He felt insanely lucky that they didn’t do anything else to him other than a slap.

“She – I, I think it’s reasonable that she’s upset. I am too, but I think what I did really hurt her more than I at first thought it would, which is really bad. I need to apologize to her still. I’ve been giving her space, but I did email her a sorry, kind of.” Tom scratched his head, feeling a bit awkward at mentioning his email. He wrote it as an email because he knew that you would be pissed off if he sent you a long ass text message. It was more of a cautionary email than anything else, and it did sound a bit silly, but he just wanted to send it to let you know he was sorry, and he understood what he did was wrong.

“Email? What the hell?” One of the girls, Alexia, spoke up. She laughed as she continued to mock him, “Oh no, I broke my girlfriend’s heart, now I must email her!”

Maria snorted at that, but quickly said, “No offense or anything, but that’s weird. Continue, tell us what it said.”

Tom felt a bit more pressure as the group listened to him. “I just said that I am very sorry about what happened and that I should have said a few things differently, and that I promise to talk to her when she wants to talk to me. Also, that I love her a lot, and that I miss her, and also, I apologized about uh, how I treated you guys. But I said that I would mostly talk to her in person to tell her what I need to say, and I just wanted to email her to let her know that stuff.”

“Yeah, interesting. Now, what exactly do you want from us? We tried being friends with you before, but you were always kind of not there… You would leave the room when we talked with Y/n on video calls, and stuff. We thought you were a cool guy at first, I mean, that’s why we encouraged Y/n to move in with you to a different country! You sounded a lot better compared to her exes.” Sophia spoke up, bringing the conversation back to what he wanted to do with them.

He flinched at the tone in the beginning, and he also did not like the sound of your exes. You never spoke about them, so he didn’t think about it.

“I wanted to know if I can reintroduce myself, or we can start over to make a genuine friendship. I think it’s important that I know the people in her life, just like she knows the people in my life. She’s friends with Harrison and Tuwaine, and gets along with my family, but I don’t really know much about you guys… well, because I thought you guys didn’t matter. I’m sorry about that.” He blabbered, biting his lip in nervousness at the end.

“I’m cool with that.”

“Eh, I don’t really like you at the moment…”

“Hmm, maybe, that sounds like a good idea.”

“No, absolutely not. You hurt her and you’re a dumbass.”

“We should give him a chance!”

Tom sighed quietly, fiddling with his fingers as the group continued to debate whether or not he deserves a chance to talk to them. Within a few minutes, they agreed to try but if he did any other shitty thing to you or to them, then they would completely stop supporting his relationship with Y/n.

“I won’t do anything bad, I promise! I still need to talk to her too, but I’m giving her space.” He spoke up.

“Ah, that’s a good idea… Just don’t expect her to reach out so soon. She can hold onto negative emotions longer than some people.” Ana replied, taking a sip of her coffee. Sophia nodded in agreement with her.

“And if you do anything bad to her specifically, I will kill you. Or wait, I will first hurt you severely and then kill you. Sound good?” Maria brought up, gripping onto the butterknife a bit too strong. Tom glanced at the butterknife and then at Maria and then instantly nodded in understanding.

“Yeah, of course, I get that. I promise I won’t hurt her.” He responded with a short nervous laugh. No one else laughed, instead they looked very serious and it scared Tom even more.

They all left after a long discussion about forgiveness, and he told them that he was going to keep in touch with them all. He wasn’t going to ignore them or be rude again, and he had to apologize to you as well, but he felt so much more guilty. He didn’t know how he was going to make it up to you, and he felt so down.

Tom thanked them for being open and willing to consider having a new friendship with him again and he cleaned up the small mess at the table. He sighed, realizing he also hadn’t been helping around the house too, this had reminded him.

He went back to Tuwaine’s place since he has been staying there since the argument with you. He missed being at home with you, it was so much more comfortable. He missed cuddling with you, he missed watching the television with you, he missed eating with you, and so much more. He didn’t realize mundane things could be so exciting to him – he would give up everything if it meant he could go to that again with you.

Over the next few weeks, Tom had started to slowly feel more and more depressed. He gave up trying to give you space after two weeks of silence and had tried calling you at least once a day. He would give you some simple messages through the voice mail and he would text you some cute messages like, “I hope you have a good day!”

Still, zero response, expect some of your friends had told him that you will come around eventually. This has only happened one other time – when you two had first started dating and you two had a bad argument. You didn’t message him for like a week and a half and he was so surprised that you had finally messaged him back, saying it was time to talk. But he figured it was alright to spend some time like this apart when your friends also clued to him that you were trying to give him some time to figure everything out with your friends.

They said that you wanted to give him time to finish things up and stop being so busy, so he hoped maybe now you would respond to him soon.

Harrison’s wedding was in eight days, the business was good, and Tom didn’t have as much to do now. Tom actually planned for today to be Harrison’s bachelor party, instead of the night before the wedding because he knew that Harrison would be drunk still if they partied the night before. Tom managed to push his thoughts of you away for the first few hours of partying, but later he complained about not seeing you for so long.

The party started off good, with all of their friends coming by Tuwaine’s place first. Evan and Daniel were there as well, and everyone had started drinking the moment the party officially started. Harrison was surprised with a few random gag gifts that Tom planned, which included men’s candy lingerie for the wedding night.

They all laughed so hard, and Harrison made a challenge, for whoever stopped drinking first during the party, would be forced to eat the lingerie. The party continued to a golf course, where their day drinking continued with mimosas, and snuck in vodka, and they all were a bit too drunk to finish off a section.

Tom brought in a golf cart with a bunch of embarrassing pictures of Harrison tapped over it, along with a funny blow-up sex doll attached to the top of the cart. They all took turns doing circles on the golf course, shouting and laughing at some random music Evan was playing on his phone.

After they left the golf course, Tom got a limo to drive them to a restaurant for lunch. Yes, that’s right, they have been partying all day, starting at breakfast time. They ate lunch at Harrison’s favorite place and played pin the tail on the donkey – except the donkey was a picture of Harrison and the tail was a picture of a ring. The lunch included some steaks and expensive wine, and as a dessert, they all got ice cream at a place next door.

Next, they all went to a paintball place, where they played a few rounds until they all felt exhausted. They took a break in the limo, driving around town as they continued to drink and dance, and nap.

Tom had started to think about you when a song came on in the limo, blasting at a crazy level. It was one of the songs that you two danced to before in a club, and Tom only remembered it because you two ended up falling on the floor after stumbling when dancing. He remembered giggling so much and trying to pull you up, only to fall again on the beat of the song.

He ended up singing the rest of the song, karaoke style in the limo, randomly mumbling your name into the microphone every few seconds.

Tuwaine joined him, laughing into the microphone loudly and pointing over to Harrison. “Yeah, baby! Woohoo! I bet you’re going to miss doing shit like this when you’re married.” He cackled and Harrison choked on his drink, laughing along with him.

“I’m still going to be here with you shits, don’t worry. Just not as often.”

Tom nodded along, “Yeah, you better go hang out with your new wife because then she will get angry at you and not talk to you for weeks.” He didn’t even need to say your name now, as he stumbled over his words.

Daniel rolled his eyes but laughed, patting Tom on the back, “Come on, at least now you know what happens.”

After about two hours of drinking and karaoke in the limo, Tom took the limo to an axe throwing place, where they all made fools of themselves. They were so drunk that they probably shouldn’t have been throwing axes, but they were all following the rules.

“If I hit this target, Harrison has to twerk in his first dance at his wedding.” One of them shouted, and unsurprisingly, missed the target. Besides the fact they missed the target, all of the boys were yelling and giggling about Harrison twerking at his wedding.

After the axe throwing, Tom took them to go bar crawling. It was the fourth bar that Tom noticed that you might be there. Your friends were in a corner, dancing and laughing out loud, and it made Tom glance over to their table.

His glance became a full-blown stare and he refused to look away, even when a few girls came up to him, Evan, and Tuwaine.

“Hey, how are you guys tonight? What are you drinking?” One of the girls slung an arm around Tom’s neck, and he barely looked at the girl, frowning at how close she got, before he looked back to the group.

Evan noticed what Tom was staring at and chuckled, “Hey isn’t that Y/n’s friends, that you showed me a picture of?” And Tom nodded in reply, to which Evan laughed even more, adding, “Don’t go up to them, you really need to give her space.”

He couldn’t help but yell out your name, “Y/N BABY!” Everyone looked at Tom concerned, and then finally he saw your face. But you looked so angry and upset that Tom pouted and shouted your name again, trying to walk over to you, but Evan and Tuwaine pulled him back.

It was then that you and your friends left.

Tom basically became a rock, standing still and solid, while girls curled up against him and his friends, trying to get their attention. He didn’t spend any moment looking at them, and finally, he decided to look away from the corner that you used to be in, but his mind was still on you.

“This is her third favorite drink! Ugh, I miss you baby.” Tom cried out, and then chugged the rest of the drink while the rest laughed at him and comforted him.

He continued to talk about you and how he missed you so much.

The night ended with them going back to Tuwaine’s place to drink some more. They were all too wasted way beyond the point of return. They were all tripping over random things while walking in and all of them laughing at random shit. Harrison’s face was a deep red color as he walked in with the blow-up sex doll from the golf cart.

“Thank you for my practice wife, Tom.” He snickered, making his way to the carpet in the living room. He laid out flat on the ground, groaning loudly.

He went and started to kiss the blow-up doll, and everyone giggled at him or groaned at him to stop. There were a few drool stains on the doll and Harrison pulled it away to admire it and then randomly pulled it back close to him and bit down on its arm hard, causing it to pop loudly and deflate.

Everyone stared at him silently, and Tom just shook his head.

Tom followed him, but sat down onto one of the chairs, kicking his feet out onto the coffee table. “You’re welcome, mate.” He responded, holding a can of beer. The rest of the group followed in after them and all found a spot in the living room, and soon, they all started talking in a deep conversation.

“That was,” Tuwaine paused as he raised his eyebrows and blew air out of his mouth, “a successful night out.” They all agreed with him by nodding or laughing. The night wasn’t over though, and they all knew that.

Within the next two hours, the group became smashed out drunk, beyond return. They all knew they would need at least two days of recovery for how much they drank, but they continued to drink to celebrate and send Harrison off to be married.

“I’m so ready to marry you,” Harrison spoke into his phone, recording a video for his fiancée, who texted him wondering if he was having a good time. “You’re going to be my wifey! Wifey boo baby, woo!” He cheered and stared into the camera intensely, causing some of the guys to laugh loudly in the background.

“I love you so much. If you were a worm, I’d turn into a worm with you, and we could love each other while traveling the world through dirt.” He said it so seriously that Tom choked on his beer, eyes watering as a hard cough leveled through his body.

“Oh God, Harrison, turn that off!” One of them called out to Tom, he was instantly reminded of you. He felt that way about you so much right now. If he could, he would get married to you at that second, but that wasn’t possible because you weren’t here, and you were angry at him.

“I wanna marry Y/n, my baby. My sweetie, I miss her so much. Do you think she’ll ever talk to me again? I hope she does, even if it means she’ll be screaming at me.” Tom cried out, holding the beer can up to his face, cradling it.

“What was the name of my emo playlist, Siri?” He tried asking his phone to play depressing music, as he was feeling horrible, and the group just sighed at his antics.

“Enough, Tom, you keep talking about her, but we’re supposed be happy right now.” One said, and another gazed over to him and slapped his knee.

“She’s my happy.”

“Shut up, you dummy.” Another spoke up to him, but Tom shook his head.

“I could’ve seen her tonight, my honey. If I wasn’t a coward,” He slurred out, and stared at Evan, “Meanie, you stopped me.”

“I saved you from embarrassing yourself, shithead.” Everyone nodded in agreement and Tom frowned deeply.

“Whatever…” He got up and stepped over a few of the boys, walking towards the bathroom. “Party poopers.” He called out to them and slammed the bathroom door shut, locking him in.

He opened his phone, pulling up his texts between him and you, and texted you again. “Babyyyyyy” He sent and sighed, then sent another text, “i mixs you so muc I wan to holdd u again and kiss you”, then he spoke up to himself, “Fuck me.”

He opened up the camera and giggled, trying to send a picture of himself while sitting on the toilet, but the camera was pointing the other way. He clicked the screen anyway and pressed send, not realizing that he just sent a close-up picture of his dick.

He proceeded to send you a dozen crying emojis, and then an old picture of the two of you and then a selfie in the bathroom mirror with him sobbing hard.

He didn’t even think to stop himself, instead he continued to send more and more to you.

“I looooooooooooove you, like how plants love the sun. also, water, plants love water. I love you like that. Alsooooo I want you to forgive me and illlll apologize you to so mcoh I mean it, ill go to the moon and back just to show how much I love you (without a space suit), and then I;lkl even get you the pet cat and pet dog you always wanted.”

-

He soon fell asleep in the bathtub, with his phone in his hand. He snored loudly and occasionally woke up to shout at the guys not to bother him in the bathroom. Within the next few hours, he woke up to a pounding headache and he groaned at himself, then fell back asleep.

And then again, within a few more hours, he got out of the bathroom and checked up on everyone. They were all pretty much out of it, but safe. Funnily, Harrison had his feet up in the air as he slept on the couch, and Tuwaine was right next to him, with the deflated blow-up doll curled up under his arms.

“Guys?” Tom woke them up and instantly got smacked with a pillow on the couch, “Ow!”

“Go away, let me sleep.”

“Shut the fuck up, emo boy.”

“Can you get me some potato soup?”

He groaned at them and sat down in the kitchen, away from all of them. He made himself some toast and then took out his phone again to check what time it was. He unlocked it and it instantly opened up to the texts he sent you.

“Oh, my fucking hell, no way.” He sighed to himself, scrolling up, until he hit the picture. Oh no, he thought. A dick picture. He sent you a picture of his semi flaccid penis, while he was on the toilet, oh no. That’s horrible, oh my, that would definitely be the end between you two if you saw that.

“NO, FUCK!” He screamed, getting up and rushing out the door. He was still slightly drunk, so he couldn’t drive. He had to run there, somehow, that’s what his drunk mind ended up telling him.

But first he needed to tell his friends where he was going and what he was going to do.

“Okay, I know you’re all still asleep, but I need to tell you I’m going to go to Y/n’s house and steal her phone and delete the dick pic that I sent her while we were really drunk last night. Anyone have any ideas on how to steal her phone without her noticing?” He rushed out in a single breath and slowly but surely, everyone woke up and stared at him.

“This has got to be a dream because no way in hell did Tom fuck up that bad.” Harrison was the first one to speak up, and Tom only sighed, shrugging his shoulders to tell them all that yes, it was real.

“I’ve got nothing for you, except I’ll pray that you don’t end up without balls for doing something so dumb.” Other spokes up and Tom rolled his eyes.

“She wouldn’t hurt me or anything, but her friends will. Oh god, how will I even tell them about this, I wanted to be on their good side.” Tom groaned, hiding his face with his hands.

“Go! You can tell she still hasn’t opened it, right? You’ve got time.” Another cheered for him and that was all, as Tom ran out the door, phone in one hand and keys in the other.

Right as he ran out, he heard one of the boys chuckling, “Wonder if it was a decent dick pic or some depressing dick pic.”

What the hell was a depressing dick pic? Tom didn’t think much else about it as he ran towards the house. It was only about ten blocks away… Tom groaned loudly as he continued to run, glad that he was in shape to do this.

Halfway there, Tom finally started feeling the effects of everything, the alcohol and the running, and the fact he was only running with the anxiety of you seeing all those texts. Also, he realized he definitely should have eaten something more and at least drunk water, because this was tough.

“Fuck me, oh no,” He started to slow down, but he really shouldn’t. A wave of nausea hit him, and he burped up some of the toast he ate but he swallowed it down and kept pushing, “I’ve got to get to her phone!” He practically whimpered, as he started to slowly run again.

It was a slow jog, but he eventually got there. He snuck in through the back door, glancing around to make sure that he wasn’t caught. But then he wondered where your phone was. There was some music playing at a low volume and he could smell that something delicious was on the stove or in the oven.

As he slowly walked further into the house, he felt even more anxious and tense. But then he heard the shower running, and he relaxed slightly. Okay, so you were in the shower and then something must be in the oven, because you wouldn’t let the stove run without looking over it.

He sighed, feeling safe. Now, he was safe to go through the house quickly to find your phone and delete the texts before you opened them up. He checked his phone once more to see that you still haven’t opened up his messages, which he felt so relieved by.

“Okay, first look in the living room and then kitchen, and then bedrooms.” He was sure you wouldn’t bring your phone in the bathroom with you, but if you did, then he’d have to hide somewhere inside the house while you got out of the bathroom and then sneak around until you weren’t in the same room with your phone.

He rolled his eyes at himself for making it so complicated, but he needed to do this if he wanted to fix the relationship.

As he stepped into the living room and looked around, he felt something a little bit off, but he couldn’t explain the feeling. He looked everywhere for your phone, even under the couch. Then he looked at the front door and narrowed his eyes.

Men’s shoes… and another pair of women’s shoes he didn’t recognize, but he primarily focused on the big ass men shoes sitting right next to the door.

Those were not his and they were definitely not his size either, so it had to mean there was another guy here. But you didn’t have any guy friends here, apart from Tom’s own guy friends. He stared at them with confusion and even picked them up to compare to the size of his feet and then he shook his head and set the shoes down.

“Okay, weird.” He whispered to himself, seriously hoping that you weren’t seeing another guy. He felt dumb thinking you were, but those shoes being here made no sense. Same with the woman’s shoes, and then he wondered hopefully that it was just one of your friends from out of town with her boyfriend or some random guy. Or maybe you had a girlfriend that wore men’s shoes. Then he shook his head again, no way that one of your friends would wear those types of men’s shoes. Those looked too ugly, and your friends had good fashion sense.

He slowly went to turn into the kitchen and then as he turned around, his eyes went wide as he jumped up, screaming, “Oh fuck!”

Two people were standing directly behind him, as if waiting for him to turn, and they started laughing when he screamed.

“Oh dear, and you must be Thomas? Y/n was just about to tell us more about you. She’s in the shower right now but we were just drinking a cup of coffee, would you like some?” Your mom spoke up, grinning at him as he huffed out a long breath of air.

“Oh, oh, okay, hello.” He sighed out, wiping his face as if there was sweat there. They laughed at him again and he smiled. He went to go shake their hands, but your dad laughed loudly and shook his head.

“No! We only hug in this family, isn’t that right sweet pea?” Your dad said to your mom, and she nodded, and your dad awkwardly pulled Tom into a deep hug, with your mom patting his back friendly.

“Aw, nice, hugs… Yeah, of course. Well, it’s nice to meet you guys properly. I only ever got to wave hi to you over video calls!” Tom responded, pulling back from the hug. He glanced down at himself and kind of cringed at how he looked. If he knew your parents were here, he would have cleaned himself up nicely.

He realized that the shoes were your dad’s and your mom’s, and he was glad that they didn’t catch him finding your phone. He’d have to explain himself if that happened, and he was sure that they wouldn’t appreciate that he sent those messages to you.

“We know, yes, it’s one of the reasons we came by finally. We wanted to check up on Y/n and catch up on things, like why are you two not married already?” Your dad turned a heavy question to Tom, and he gulped, unsure how to answer. Tom truly did want to marry you at this point, and he still needed to find an engagement ring. He also needed to tell his family about it too. They all loved you and wanted you to join the family, and they would be so happy if Tom told him now.

“I do want to marry your daughter!” Tom paused, thinking for a quick second before he spoke up again, “I thought it would be best to wait until I got your permission to ask her the question, but I never get a chance to speak to you two privately.” He felt lucky that he thought that up really quickly. He did want to marry you, but he actually wanted to ask your friends first if he could propose to you, instead of your parents, since he knew them a little better.

“Hm, well, you have our permission now Thomas.” Your mom replied, and his eyes widened, and he nodded happily.

“You can call me Tom, if you’d like.” He added, chuckling a bit as they all walked further into the kitchen. The two of them sat at the barstools, as he stood up to continue talking to him. He walked over to the coffee pot and poured himself a cup, using his favorite mug you got him.

“And how about children, Tom?” Your dad asked as Tom put a bit of sugar into his mug, and he faltered for a moment before he glanced over to your dad.

He was about to reply until your mom interrupted him with a loud “Wait!” the two stared at her as she asked, “Well, when are you going to propose? We gave you permission, but you never said when you would propose. I want to know! Maybe I can tell her to go get her nails done before you do it…” Your mom trailed off as she imagined the proposal and Tom nodded back.

“Oh! Um, soon, if she wants to talk about it.” He kind of shrugged and your dad sighed.

“She’s stubborn, but lovable, right?” He said to Tom, and Tom agreed, finding it a bit easy to talk to them. It was just a bit awkward that they kept asking about the relationship, while Tom wasn’t really sure where you stood right now with wanting to be in a relationship or not.

It seemed that they knew at least that there was an argument between him and you, but with the questions they were asking, it seemed like they thought it was just a small argument. Tom was glad about that and didn’t want to ask any questions to them about it.

“Now, back to the question, how many kids are you guys wanting?” Your dad brought up, and Tom hid his sigh while he drank some coffee from his mug.

“Oh, you know… the usual.” Tom gave the vaguest answer possible, and your mom chuckled, responding, “So, four? Five?” Her joke made Tom choke on his coffee, and he coughed a bit of it out, leaning over the counter and into the sink.

“Aw, you scared him, we’re kidding, we only expect two in the next few years.” Your dad spoke up, laughing at Tom’s reaction.

“Two, in how many years, exactly?” Tom asked, scratching his head. And then he was saved (at least that’s what he hoped) as you walked in, wearing a robe. Your hair was still wet, and it seemed like you rushed over here, since your feet were still wet too.

“I heard you guys all talking…” You sent Tom a look, and he smiled nervously at you. He didn’t know what would happen, but he hoped you would forgive him and still he needed to find your phone. He mouthed, “I’m sorry” to you, but you rolled your eyes slightly.

“Yes, you didn’t tell us Tom was so good looking! You know, especially when you told us he’s older.” Your mom spoke up, smiling at the two of you, noticing the slight tension and wanting to calm it down.

“’How old, exactly did you say, Y/n?” Your dad asked, raising his eyebrows at Tom with curiosity. He took a sip of his coffee as you cleared your throat.

You also crossed your arms, watching Tom as you replied to your dad, “He’s in his mid-40s.” Tom instantly looked at you with a shocked stare and you shrugged. He wasn’t that old! And your parents didn’t seem to question that at all.

“Wow! Then you better get started on those kids soon, right?” Your mom spoke up and Tom wouldn’t look away from you as you nodded.

In his head, he was wondering if you would forgive him if it meant you were saying you’d have kids with him soon, to your parents. But maybe not, he wasn’t sure what exactly you were thinking, especially since he hasn’t spoken to you for a while now.

“Yeah, Tom actually takes a while to… warm up, if you know what I mean.” You continued, smiling softly, “Sometimes it takes up to ten minutes to get that little guy up, right Tom?” You glanced over to him and his grip on his mug tightened harshly, as he narrowed his eyes at you.

“Really?” He asked, as if to say, “are you really doing this?” You nodded, “Right, yeah, maybe it’s 15 minutes nowadays.” You shrugged, and your parents gazed at Tom with empathy and pity.

“Aw dear boy, that’s okay, it happens to men in that age group.” Your mom spoke up, frowning at Tom.

Your dad too, seemed upset at the news. “Well, have you gone to the doctors to check on the little swimmers?” His question sounded so genuine, and Tom coughed again, looking at the ground, feeling incredibly awkward.

You spoke up for Tom instead, “Oh, he’s a little shy about that stuff, Dad.” Your dad sighed in response, shaking his head pitiful of Tom.

“We want you to have some strong swimmers there. Especially if you’re going to be giving us two grandkids soon.” Your dad continued, standing up. He walked over to Tom and patted his back softly, gazing towards you and your mom.

“You know, our next-door neighbor’s daughter is pregnant. She’s 22 years old, and frankly, I think you need to hurry up!” He said, and your mom nodded along, “Remember Samantha?” And you bit your lip from laughing but you nodded back to your parents. You could tell how Tom was freaking out.

Your dad took a step back as he faced Tom completely. Tom looked uncomfortable but your dad continues, “Sometimes you just got to relax down there. Here, let me help you stretch your body out.” He gestured for Tom to lean down before he went ahead to do it himself.

“Okay, lean down really quickly, touch your toes, you know, you have to get your body moving. And now, stand right up and jump! Reach for the sky.” Your dad demonstrated and Tom slowly copied him, feeling incredibly defeated and awkward.

“You have to do that every day and that’ll really get the juices flowing down there, if you know what I mean.” Your dad continued, and Tom nodded, “Yeah, definitely will do that.”

Your mom laughed at the two, “Oh, stop being so silly. But tell us, Tom, do you take the medicine?” Her question made Tom even more confused, and you looked embarrased as your mom continued to explain, using her hands, “The… Viagra?” Tom instantly widened his eyes.

“Wow, uh, no I don’t use that.” He explained, shrugging slightly as your dad set his hand on Tom’s shoulders as if to comfort him. You looked at that and found it funny but said nothing.

“I use it only on movie nights, to spice things up.” Your dad admitted, and your nose scrunched up.

“Ew, dad, you didn’t have to tell us that.” You quickly responded and he laughed at your expression.

“Just trying to help you two out. I didn’t have that problem in my mid-40s, but I think it’s more common nowadays.” Your dad defended himself, and your mom laughed along.

You shook your head at them, and Tom found himself smiling at you, thinking about how cute you looked.

“I’m going to go get dressed, but you three can stay here and continue talking if you want.” You excused yourself, shivering a little as you still weren’t dried off completely. They all nodded, and you went into the bathroom to finish getting ready.

-

Tom grinned at your parents, lifting up his mug, “So, anyone want refills?” Your mom nodded, standing up to get some more coffee, and Tom helped her by offering milk and sugar.

In hopes of changing the conversation to a new topic, Tom cleared his throat and glanced to your dad, “So, how long are you guys going to be here for?” The question was met with smiles and your mom answered it.

“Just till the end of the weekend, dear. Since Y/n is busy with work during the week, we’re going to go out sightseeing. And then hm, I think Y/n wanted to take us to a local restaurant, she says it’s got the best pasta in the country.” Your mom explained, and your dad chuckled a bit.

“I doubt the pasta is that good… She said it was mind-blowing!” Your dad brought it up and Tom realized you were talking about the restaurant you two always go to for special events.

He took you there for your last birthday, and on Valentine's Day, it was always a sweet place for you two. He smiled widely, “It’s the best place to go for pasta.” He answered, then added, “We love it there.”

Your mom turned to him suddenly with a gasp, “Aw, you remind me of when we were younger, trying that steakhouse place near our home! He would always order the lasagna they served there, whenever I was feeling down so we could eat at home. So sweet. Maybe you can order some pasta for Y/n, she was feeling a little down earlier about an argument you two had. She wouldn’t tell us what it was about, of course.”

Tom was surprised that your mom had told him that, and he appreciated it greatly, “Thank you, yeah, I need to apologize to her. I was in the wrong, but maybe pasta will cheer her up too.” Your dad got up and sighed.

“Yeah, she’s a stubborn girl but food is a good way to her heart.” Your dad said, and your mom scoffed, shaking her head.

“No, stop it. She also deserves to be romanced and cared for too, got that Tom?” Your mom added on quickly and your dad quietly whispered, “Yeah, that too.”

Tom and your parents continued to speak together until you came back out, wearing clothes and being completely dried off. You looked incredible, and Tom felt his heartrate start to pick up when you said you had to get to work because of some emergency.

“Yeah, I’m so sorry Mom, we can go shopping when I get back from work. And Dad, I think there’s a few places that you’d like to go to in the next town over, maybe you two can go do that while I’m working.” You apologized, as they walked towards the front door to leave.

“Aw, it’s okay. You let us know when you’re free. It was nice meeting you in person, Tom. I hope to see you again soon.” Your mom responded and your dad gave you a hug goodbye.

They quickly left, and you shut the door after waving goodbye one more time. You slowly turned around to Tom, who looked nervous again. He didn’t know what to do now, except for saying sorry again. He started fidgeting with his hands as he looked at you.

“I’m really sorry, Y/n. Seriously, I am so sorry for being a jerk like that. I met up with your friends too, and spoke with them about it, and I promise I’ll be a friend to them as well, instead of acting like I was. I’m so sorry, babe, please, I promise I will still be here with you, and I won’t be like an asshole. I promise you. I’ll answer your calls, texts, emails, I’ll do anything please, if you give me a chance, and I swear I’ll make you and your family happy and your friends happy too and” He took a deep breath in to continue but paused when you pressed a palm up to his chest.

“Tom.” You whispered to him.

“Yes? I swear, I’ll do anything. I’ll propose right now if you want me to, but I wanted it to be more romantic. I’ll get married to you right now if you want me to. Or I’ll leave and never bother you again, if you want me to. I promise and I love you so much, and if you don’t want me here anymore, I’ll leave and you can take the house and I swear, you can take everything else. You already have my heart.” He continued to ramble and ramble some more, but you stopped him again with a soft smile.

“Tom!” You laughed at this point, he breathed in again to continue but you shook your head.

“I accept your apology. I just needed some space to myself for a little bit and I figured you did too so you can finish up some stuff. My friends told me after we saw you at the club, that you guys met up and talked. Thank you for doing that.” You responded, sighing slightly.

Tom was so surprised, he couldn’t believe it, “Wait really?” He asked and when you nodded, he asked again, “Seriously?” You laughed harder.

“Come on, I won’t break up with you or anything like that. I’m being serious, it’s not a joke. I was kind of pissed off that you came here, so that’s why I kind of said that stuff to my parents…” You shrugged, whispering a small, “Sorry about that.”

Tom was the one that laughed this time. “Yeah, about that, when did we celebrate my 40th birthday?” He started laughing even more when you rolled your eyes and took his hand, dragging him behind you.

“I’m pretty sure I said mid-40s, so we celebrated your 45th birthday in.” You joked back, and he shook his head, laughing more.

He pulled you into a tight hug as you laughed too, and slowly you two stopped laughing and he gazed down at you with adoration, “So we’re all good?” His question was met with a nod, and you stepped up on your tip toes to kiss his cheek.

“We still eventually will need to talk more about things, but in this moment, I’ll say we’re good.” You responded, thinking back to how he spoke to your parents. He was nice to them, you were a bit surprised and touched.

As you pulled away, you quirked your eyebrows up for a second, “Oh, and nice picture.” You said it so nonchalantly that Tom didn’t understand what you meant for a moment.

You walked away as Tom shouted, “Wait! Oh no, I’m really sorry about that! I was drunk and really depressed and I’m so sorry.” He quickly tugged his phone out of his pocket. He unlocked it instantly and it opened up to the messages between you and him.

You sent him a picture back.

Oh fuck.

You actually sent him one back? He immediately burst into laughter of joy and then quickly ran up to you with surprise and hope in his eyes, “You sent one back! When the fuck did you send one back?” He asked and you grinned at him.

“Well, I went to go get dressed and I guess my thumb slipped and took a picture and sent it to you. But actually, I sent it when my parents were here. You were sweet to them.” You shrugged and his laughter turned into silent giggles, as he clutched his stomach hard. It was a good picture too, showing off your chest and your neck at a great angle.

You elbowed him as he continued to laugh out, “I love it. I love you.” His face flushed red as he continued to stare at the picture.

“Love you too, stinky. Now go shower please, I don’t know why but you look and smell like a raccoon that lives in trash.” Your insult didn’t faze him at all as he was still smiling with bright red cheeks and a look of adoration in his eyes.

“I’ll go shower, sure.” He responded, lifting up his arm to expose his armpit, and leaned towards you as if to make you smell.

“Ew, Tom! Stop!” You shouted, grossed out but amused and he chuckled back, leaving to go shower.

-

As he entered the bathroom, he glanced in the mirror for a moment and then looked away, but then surprised, he looked back at himself. Oh, you were right. He looked dreadful. He lifted a hand and pushed it through his hair, watching the greasy strands of hair flop together in an odd way. His face had a sweaty and sticky look to it, and as he touched it, it smeared across his forehead more.

His clothes were so dirty as well, and he shrugged them off quickly. He turned the water on in the shower and waited until the water turned hot. In the meantime, he brushed his teeth twice before he was satisfied with how his breath smelled.

He got into the shower and sighed loudly as the hot water hit his skin. This was one of the best feelings ever, he thought. He swore never to drink so much again after the bachelor party, because of how disgusting he felt during the morning. He was feeling better now that he talked to you and your parents, and now that he was showering.

He scrubbed his skin with your soap, missing the smell of it. He always loved using your shower and bath products, because he liked how it smelled on you. It also made his hair silky smooth, and his skin feel super soft.

Since he always stole your stuff, he would be the one to buy it in bulk, so there was always enough supply for you two.

He grimaced when he saw the feminine soap, remembering back to a time he used to use that as body soap. He remembered how good it smelled and thought it was weird that it was labeled as “feminine soap”, thinking that his friends would even use this soap if they smelled how good it was.

Then he remembered when you joined him for a shower that one time, and saw him using that as body wash… You laughed so hard that you fell over in the shower and Tom felt so embarrassed that he didn’t read the back of the bottle to see what type of soap it was.

He scrubbed the shampoo into his hair, using extra to clean the gunk in his hair. He rinsed it out of his hair and sighed again, picking up your conditioner. He absolutely loved this conditioner – it smelled so good, and he always loved how it made his hair shine after showering. He applied a generous amount and then cleaned his body again with regular soap.

“Tom, how much longer are you going to be in there?” He heard you call out to him, and he quickly replied, dropping the soap.

“I’ll be out in five minutes!” He shouted back, smiling as he heard you shout back, “Okay!”

He finished up within a few minutes and turned off the water and dried it off with a towel. He brushed his teeth quickly, rinsing out his mouth and then opened the door.

“I’m out now!” He said, walking towards the closet, connected to the bathroom. He picked up some spare clothes that he left there, choosing more comfortable ones over fashionable ones. He was so ready to spend some time with you, to make up for all the time you guys haven’t spent together the last few weeks. And he was extra happy that you two could chill at home alone like the old times.

When you didn’t respond, Tom called out your name again, and walked into the room absentmindedly, glancing down at his phone. He kept looking at that picture and he knew that the longer he stared at it the harder it would be to fight against a growing hard on. But he absolutely loved your photo, he hasn’t been able to see your body in person for so long and this photo was a reminder.

Sure, he did jack off and cry a lot to some past nudes you sent him before, when you guys weren’t talking, but this photo was sent back to him just today! He quietly wondered if you looked back at some of the old pictures he sent to you, but he pushed the thought out of his mind quickly as he glanced up to the bedroom.

There you were, lying on the bed with one of his shirts he left behind. It was one that he purposely left behind because he knew that you loved the feeling of it (and because he loved seeing you in it). You smiled to him, as if you weren’t lying there with his shirt and shifted your spot, causing him to see a little peak of what’s in between your legs.

He gulped, it was a pair of lightly sheer panties, one of his favorite pairs that he accidentally ripped once and then paid for another pair for. He wondered if you were wearing the matching bra, but quickly took notice that he could see the outline of your nipples pressed up against the shirt.

“How was your shower?” You asked, clearing the silence. Tom’s eyebrows went up almost instantly, as he contemplated how to respond.

He cleared his throat, “It was – uh, good, great, actually.” He glanced away from you for a moment and scratched his head.

“So… are you like, uh, trying to rile me up right now or am I reading this situation wrong?” He asked, his voice cracking slightly as he focused his best on making his dick calm down.

Moldy pineapple. Spilling sewage. Earwax. Earwax. Earwax. EARWAX. His mind started shouting at his dick, repeating the words, imagining them in full detail.

“What situation, Tom?” Your voice came out nonchalantly, and the way you said his name made him squeeze his eyes shut.

“So, um, did you really have an emergency at work?” He asked, turning around to avoid looking at you and you snorted and then started laughing hard. He glanced back around, turning his head to look at you, holding your stomach hard as you continued to laugh, and he sighed out a small laugh.

“Alright, so you were trying to rile me up. You know I would usually know that stuff, but I didn’t cause of all that’s happened.” He stopped, and shook his head, “Let’s talk more about that later, but wow darling, you know how to get my heart racing.”

You slowly stopped laughing and responded, “Yeah, really? Well come over here and show me your racing heart.” Tom grinned widely, turning back around to face you, and rushed over to the bed.

He practically jumped on it and slid next to you, to lay down, facing you. He took ahold of your hand and brought it up to his chest, pressing it up against his chest to where his heart was underneath. You smiled softly as you felt his heartbeat and glanced back up to his face.

He was slightly blushing, smiling as well back to you. “I missed you a lot.” He whispered, and you slid your hand from his and lightly grasped one of his cheeks. Your thumb brushed against his bottom lip, and he leaned down closer to you, smiling even more before he kissed you gently.

Your lips kissed his softly back for a few moments before you two parted and sighed. “I missed you too, and this.” You whispered against his mouth and kissed him again, more passionately this time. The urgency in the kiss made Tom gasp slightly, kissing you back harder.

“Yeah, this is always great.” He mumbled against your lips, before slipping his tongue against yours in an open mouth kiss, and he tugged you closer, using a tight hand holding the shirt you were wearing. When you still weren’t close enough, he slipped his arm around your back and pulled you up against him, turning to lay on his back with you on top of him.

Your legs spread and rested on either side of his hips, grinding up against his shorts. He groaned loudly, breaking the kiss slightly and started to leave sloppy kisses around your cheek and around your ear, and your neck. He bit slightly onto your earlobe, and you gasped and chuckled at the feeling.

“You’re going to end up killing me at this point, sweetie. I’m going to have a heart attack or something.” He struggled to get out as you grinded move against him. You stopped for a moment and sat up, making Tom confused.

“Are you going to help me take this shirt off?” You asked, laughing as he grasped his chest as if he were in pain, dramatically.

“Of course, I will.” He responded, moving his hands down to the bottom of your shirt. He tried to take it off quickly, but you stopped him with another small laugh.

“Come on, Tom, let’s slow this down a little bit and enjoy it. You can fuck me later, how about you just… make love to me now.” You suggested, and Tom eyes widened a bit before he nodded.

“I can make love to you now, sure.” He agreed, blushing a little more. He loved seeing how much you wanted him just as he wanted you too. It was a way you showed your love and he found it incredible. He loved you so much and, in that moment, he agreed that it would be best to take this slow so you two can feel everything.

He wanted to show you everything of him too, to show how much he loved you, and to show how much he missed you.

He slid a hand under the shirt and slowly brought it up, stopping before your breasts fell out of the shirt. With his other hand, he circled a finger over the outline of one of your nipples causing you to gasp. It was such a small gesture, and it was barely anything, and it was over the shirt, it made Tom’s mouth open in surprise.

You got more sensitive these past few weeks it seemed. Maybe it was because you two haven’t done anything with each other for so long. He grinned as you moaned slightly, rubbing yourself a little harder onto his shorts, over his hard on.

“Aw baby, thought you wanted to take this slow?” He reminded you, and you almost rolled your eyes at his teasing.

He started to push harder against your nipple and then switched to the other one. You had closed your eyes, breathing heavily from the pleasure and Tom wanted to save this as a picture in his head, at how fucking hot you looked. Then he slowly rolled his fingers into a pinch, dragging your skin and the clothing away from you for just a moment causing you to gasp out from the different kind of pleasure.

“Do you like that?” He murmured to you, and you instantly nodded, opening your eyes to gaze down at him.

“I want to hear you, darling, haven’t heard you in so long, I want’ hear more of those sounds you’re making too.” He added, watching as your gaze darkened on him, opening your mouth to respond.

“I like it, babe. I like it a lot,” You sighed out, your hands trailing down to his body. You slipped a hand under his shirt too, lightly running your fingers up and down against his stomach, causing him to slightly shiver.

“Mm, can I take your shirt off completely now? Or should I go slower?” This time you did roll your eyes at him for bringing that up again, about going slower. You took your chances and removed your hands from his body and slipped the shirt off your body, throwing it off to the side.

It surprised him so much that you did that, he froze, making you chuckle. “Like what you see?” You whispered to him and the grip he had on your hips tightened, before he loosened it, rolling your skin in between his fingers.

“I do,” He responded, taking your hand in his, and bringing it to his chest again to show how fast his heart was beating. This time, both of you laughed at his actions and you shook your head at him.

“I think it’s time you take some medicine for that, old man.” You laughed, making Tom groan, thinking back to the conversation with your parents.

“Yeah, but I didn’t need Viagra, did I? Did that surprise you? Hmm, does this make me your sugar daddy?” He teased you back and you giggled even more.

“No way, don’t you dare call yourself a sugar daddy.” You laughed, and he ran his hands up and down your back.

“Alright, sugar baby.” He replied quickly, winking at you, and causing you two to laugh even more.

One of his hands slipped down to your underwear, causing you to shiver as he slipped past the clothing. He played with the hem a little bit, watching your reactions, and grinned at you. He gazed down to where you were grinding down on him and he sighed quietly as he moved you back, to take off your underwear.

“No fair, oldie.” You spoke up, watching him pull your underwear down your legs, and you kicked them off.

Before you could push it off the bed, Tom got a hold of them, “No way are these going on the floor. You know these are my favorite.” He responded, and then added, “It’s your turn to take off my clothes.”

You gasped as he brought the panties up to his nose and he breathed in, sniffing the underwear deeply. “Tom!” You gasped again as you watched him lean his head back and sigh loudly.

“That smelled delicious, I’m saving these. And can’t wait to taste you.” He said, his eyes closing as he savored the scent of you.

“I’m gonna’ need those back, old man. Don’t think you can keep those.” You tutted back, shaking your head at his behavior.

“Ugh, baby girl, stop calling me an old man! I’m still in my twenties.” He laughed, causing his body to shake, with yours shaking as well, above him.

“Only if you stop calling me those names. Besides, I think you’re forgetting your true age – like 45, right?” You huffed out a laugh back, raising an eyebrow at him as he started to focus on your chest again.

“Sure, at least that’s what you told your parents. And what the hell about the little swimmers?” He responded, massaging around your breasts, causing you to breathe in deeply, as if focusing not to make so much noise. He grinned at that, knowing you would make more of the sounds he loved from you.

You practically snorted when he mentioned what your dad said. “Yeah! About that, I need to set up an appointment for you to go see the doctor about it. Don’t want you shooting blanks forever.” With that, Tom grunted at you and pulled you down to lay on top of him, stopping you from taking off his shirt.

“As if I shoot blanks. You love my healthy cum.” He shot back, and you almost laughed again. You prompted yourself up a little, using his shoulders to help you up. Your breasts were practically in his face and he almost drooled as he stared at them.

“Healthy? How do you know your cum is healthy if you haven’t been to the doctor?” You asked, gazing as he leaned up and licked a strip of your skin, making you gasp in surprise. He was so close to your areolas again, and your nipples hardened as he brushed past them with his nose.

“Shut up, it is healthy, and you love it – you didn’t deny that.” He responded and you rolled your eyes at him playfully.

“Yeah, true, I love it.” You admitted, causing the both of you to chuckle again quietly.

“Okay, enough talking, let’s get back to this love making session.” Tom chuckled and you raised both your eyebrows at him, as if you couldn’t believe what he said. He was confused by what your expression meant until he heard you respond.

“Please don’t ever say that again.” You whispered, giggling hard at how he sounded. He laughed too, but you two slowed down and you leaned down to kiss him again.

Tom felt like he was finally back in the best place in his whole life (which was in your arms). You were on top of him, holding him up as he kissed, licked, and bit up your breasts. He loved being in this position, it was one of his favorite things to do, be between your breasts, kissing them and hearing you moan. And he loved seeing the aftermath of his bites, seeing all the bruises and marks around your chest.

“Oh, fuck, Tom,” You panted, pushing your hips up and down against him, and he groaned, biting down on one of your nipples, causing you to gasp loudly.

“S’ fucking good, I love your tits.” He mumbled against you, “Love you, all of you.” He continued and you nodded along.

“I love you too, Tom, I need more of you though.” You said, breathing heavily. You didn’t like that he was still fully clothed, so you tugged at his shirt, trying to get his attention to see that you wanted it off his body.

He finally pulled away from attacking your chest, and you huffed out a sigh, glancing down at your tits. Damn, he did some work on them. You were sure in the morning your chest would be covered in bruises.

“What if I wanted to wear a cute top tomorrow?” You mumbled, mostly to yourself, but Tom overheard and chuckled.

“You still can, only around me though. Unless you want to show everyone the artwork.” He responded, and you shook your head, laughing.

“No way, I was going to hang out with my parents again in the afternoon – um, and kinda maybe go out for drinks with my friends.” You whispered out the last part, wondering about whether or not you would go out with your friends now. There was still some more to talk about with Tom, if things didn’t exactly go good today.

“What? You should go out with them! Can I come along with some friends too? I promise they’ll get along with your friends.” He spoke up, a hopeful feeling blossoming in his chest.

You blinked in surprise at him, smiling as well, “Oh, uh, yeah! Yeah sure, we just need to talk some more I think, to make sure we’re on the same page with everything.”  

Tom was confused for a moment before he realized what you meant. You two still needed to talk about exactly what your parents were saying and how the relationship was going to move on from this. He nodded back to you, understanding.

“Yeah, of course.” He nodded again and you grinned.

“Yeah, after this.” You responded and he laughed, sitting up to give you a kiss. You pushed him back though and shook your head.

“Nope, oldie, I want to take your clothes off, remember?” You giggled, and he nodded, huffing out some air but quickly helped you take his shirt off.

You also threw it off the bed, making him laugh a little. He still wanted to keep those panties of yours, so he stuffed them somewhere else on the bed, out of your reach.

You wiggled off of his lap and gazed down to his shorts, feeling your cheeks warm up as you saw the patches of wetness you left on there. Tom saw it too, and he grinned, loving that it was there.

“You know how hot I find this shit, right here?” He asked you rhetorically and you shook your head at him.

“Shut up, weirdo, first with my panties and now this.” You teased him and he laughed, shrugging his shoulders.

You motioned for him to lift his hips up so you could slide his shorts off his waist, and he did, wiggling his eyebrows to you as you pulled them off and you laughed, looking away from him.

“Tom, babe, do you want us to have sexy time right now? Or do you want to keep making me laugh?” Your question made him pause and smile at you.

“Both, because I missed doing those to you all those weeks. But I’ll calm it down.” His answer made you realize how much he missed you and you almost “awed” out loud to him, but you stopped yourself.

After taking off his shorts, you pulled him into another sweet kiss as you toyed with his boxers. He sighed into the kiss as you slipped your hand underneath his boxers, slightly touching his dick. You smoothed a finger over the head of his dick, making his hips shudder back and forth.

“I missed this so much.” You whispered into his ear after you pulled away from the kiss. You focused on his ear with your mouth, biting and sucking parts of his ear and his neck while your hand slowly captured around his dick under his boxers.

“Me too…” He sighed out, closing his eyes in bliss from your touch.

You pulled away so you could take off his boxers too, and you slipped them off his hips, leaving them down by his knees. You gazed down to his hard on, smiling as you pressed a finger into his slit, causing more pre-cum to ooze out.

“Oh! Fuck.” He cursed, breathing in deeply, as he watched you touch him.

You moved two fingers down to collect it and smear it around his head, and you repositioned yourself so you could concentrate on his cock better. You lay down on your stomach, while Tom was sitting up against some pillows and you were close to his hips.

You glanced up to see his expression, his face was flushed red, and he had a dazed look on his face. You grinned at it, before looking back down and giving his cock a small and fast lick. It happened within two seconds, and it made Tom gasp, shutting his eyes tight.

You continued, spreading some spit and some of his pre-cum down the rest of his cock, and started to move your grip around him up and down. His gasping and moans started to pour out as you continued to lick parts of his cock, pulling it closer to you so you could wrap your mouth around the head of his cock.

You licked around it slowly and made sure to flatten your tongue against it, making Tom curse out your name.

“Fuck, you’re going to make me cum already,” He whimpered out, pulling your head away from his dick. You hummed softly, gazing up at him as you licked around your lips, making sure you got all of his pre-cum in your mouth, tasting it.

“I miss your cum, baby. Is it okay if I suck you off?” Your question made him curse again, “Fuck…” He dragged the word out, eyes straining on you.

“Don’t you want me in you?” His question came out in pants, and you nodded before adding, “That can always be for the second round.”

His eyes bulged open at your words, “Oh darling, I didn’t know you were up for that today. If we do that, we’re going to be stuck in bed for a few more hours, is that okay?” You smiled at his words, excited for it as you missed doing this so much with him.

“Yes! I’m up for it, I want your cum everywhere.” You responded almost instantly and then you gasped at yourself for saying that, causing Tom and you to both laugh.

“Oh, I know you do. So, do you want me to come in your mouth first then? You miss my taste, love?” His voice came out as a murmur and you nodded to him, wanting to continue. He let go of your head, letting you get back to what you were doing.

While you put him back into your mouth, he groaned loudly, “I didn’t know this classified as love making, but it’s great.” You hummed against his dick, making his twitch and gasp again.

You pressed your tongue onto him as you slowly started to go up and down on his dick with your mouth, taking as much as you could of him into your mouth, letting him into your throat. You held back your gagging as much as possible, and grasped a hand around the rest of him that you weren’t able to take in your mouth.

Your other hand went down to his balls, cupping one of them gently and rubbing your fingers around it, then doing it to the other. Tom was a groaning mess, hips almost hitting up into your mouth each time you went down on him, as if to push more of himself into your mouth.

“Oh fuck, fuck me, you’re so good at this.” He cried out, hands grasping into your hair. He kept hitting his head back against the headboard of the bed, as more and more pleasure came to him.

You pulled away and started focusing on the head of his cock again, pressing your tongue down on it, licking and licking over again, making Tom moan.

You pressed a kiss against his cock, licking all the way down and up again around his cock. You put your hand around his cock again, squeezing gently, making sure you didn’t hurt him. Your hand was all wet from your spit and his pre-cum and you slowly dragged your hand up to the head of his cock before you wrapped your lips around him again slowly going down at the same time as your hand.

“Baby, oh fuck, I’m gonna’ come right now, oh fuck,” He panted out, pushing your head down so you could swallow all of his cock.

You almost gagged, and your eyes started to tear up, but you kept it back as you felt his cum start going down your throat. You continued to swallow and swallow over again, making sure you got all of it as he continued to spurt into your mouth.

You pulled back just a little bit so you could taste him better, since he was only hitting the back of your throat. Finally, you captured some of the taste and moaned loudly against his cock as he continued to come more and more, and he shivered at the feeling, almost collapsing against the pillows behind him.

“Oh, fuck me, your mouth is amazing.” He cried out, and finally his cum started to slow and come to a stop. You kept him in your mouth until you felt as though all the cum came out of him.

You slowly removed him from your mouth, making sure to be careful around his sensitive cock now. You gulped down the rest of the cum in your mouth before you spoke up.

“Tom, that was so good,” You paused, gazing down at his cock. “Fuck, that tasted great. I missed that.” You continued as Tom was slowly recovering from his orgasm.

“You really make me the luckiest man alive.” He whispered, pulling you up to his face so he could kiss you. He didn’t care that he could taste his cum on your lips, and he didn’t care when he opened his mouth to bring your tongue next to his, feeling some left over cum in your mouth.

He actually loved it.

You moaned into the kiss, making Tom melt even more. You pulled away once you needed to breathe, “Tom, when exactly are you going to be able to go again? I want to taste you more…Maybe we should actually get you a bottle of Viagra.” His eyes widened at your words, surprised you wanted to do that again!

And Viagra? No, he was too young to use that. He would be ready soon enough.

“Shut up, I do not need Viagra.” He laughed quietly, shaking his head at you.

“Mm, you sure, old man? I thought you’d be ready by now?” Your response made him laugh even louder, and he even coughed from laughing.

“What? Oh fuck, I am not a superhero with super stamina, no matter how much I try. It takes time, I’ll be ready to go again in 10 minutes.” He laughed, being reminded of all the Spiderman and even Uncharted memes he’s seen on Twitter.

You rolled your eyes, “Ugh, so long… I’m going to go get us some cups of water.” He stopped you as fast as he could, laughing as he dragged you back into the bed.

“No, you don’t. Do you think I just turn off when my dick is soft?” He asked, watching as you furrowed your eyebrows and glanced to the side, as if you were confused about it.

When you didn’t answer him within a few seconds, he gasped at you, “Did you really think that? I can still do so much, during these 10 minutes.”

You shook your head at him, “Uh, like what? In the past, you usually just played with my tits or kissed me until you were ready again.”

Tom blushed, “Yeah, I do that… And I can do more.”

You gazed at him with narrowed eyes, “Yeah, sure you can.” It took him a moment to realize that he still hasn’t made you cum at least once already and he was surprised. Usually, he was the one that took action first, making sure you came a few times before you two did something together or you sucked him off and then had sex.

“I’m serious. I’m good at this.” He defended himself, pulling you closer again to kiss you. You kissed him back with a smile, not believing him but you were okay with it. You still enjoyed being around him like this.

With him continuing to say he was so good at doing something during a 10-minute time period you finally pulled back from the kiss and challenged him. “Fine, I’ll admit you’re good if you can make me cum in less than 10 minutes. If you can’t, no harm is done. I’ll still love you.” You spoke up.

Tom accepted the challenge instantly, “I can do that, easily. Actually, pretty sure I can make you cum at least two times in that time period.”

He has to be joking, you thought. There was no way that he could do that… right? You thought back to all the times he’s given you orgasms and sure there was quite a lot, but you don’t remember coming twice in ten minutes.

Well, at the same time, you never really timed it either, so you weren’t quite 100% that Tom couldn’t do it.

“Let’s see it happen, old man.” You replied, and he smirked, something you missed seeing for those few weeks.

He was honestly having one of the best days of his life right here, that’s what he believed. Finally getting to see you again, fuck, he swore he didn’t want to go a day without you in it again. He didn’t realize how much you made him feel human and normal, and happy, and when you weren’t near him for so long, it all went away. He was glad to be back here, between your legs.

The challenge was going to be easy for him. He knew exactly what and how to give you orgasms. He grinned at the sight of your wet pussy. Oh, he missed this so much.

“Hmm, I see you missed me too, huh?” He spoke as he finally lowered his head down to your pussy. So pretty, he thought. He trailed two fingers around you, enjoying your deep intake of air. You have become so sensitive without him here for the last few weeks.

He stroked a finger up and down very lightly, barely touching your pussy, as he glanced up at you to see how you were doing. You were already trembling, and you were glaring at him.

“Tom, stop fucking teasing me.” You bit out, continuing, “If you continue, I doubt I’ll cum in less than 10 minutes…” You trailed off, raising an eyebrow at him.

He scoffed at you, “Sure thing.” And just like that he dug in. His tongue lapped up and down your pussy, dragging it so slowly up to your clit. He pressed his tongue down onto your clit with more pressure than he was doing earlier, making you gasp loudly.

“You taste so good,” He moaned into you, sticking a finger into you, starting to pump into you slowly. He couldn’t help himself as he continued to lap his tongue around your pussy, and he paused again around your clit, this time pressing his lips around your clit and sucking it up into his mouth harshly.

You cried out, it was almost painful to feel, but it was still a good type of pain. “Fuck!” You yelled, grabbing onto the back of Tom’s head and pushing him further on your pussy, grinding your hips up into his face.

He was mumbling random sweet nothings into you, now pushing a second finger into you and going faster, letting go of his aggression on your clit. He pressed a kiss on it, then started to lick again, up onto the hood of your clit.

“Tom! Tom, fuck! Shit!” You were trying your best not to squeeze your legs around his head. You were whimpering, moaning loudly and you couldn’t stop this orgasm from rolling out of you. You couldn’t even warn him ahead of time because of how intense it was, making your head hit against the pillow hard.

You were coming onto his face, hard, it made him groan into you, licking it all up, making sure he got everything on his tongue. He loved your taste, it was incredible. He missed it so much, he wanted to savor it.

Three fingers in you now, pumping in and out quickly. His fingers were curled up, pressing up against the spot, causing you to scream again.

You weren’t ready, it was too much. You didn’t masturbate at all during these last few weeks, this was so much, too much of it. You were shaking hard, still grinding up against his face and he didn’t stop though, loving your reactions.

“Such a good girl, keep going, baby.” He pulled away just to tell you that, and you were hesitant, feeling like it would be too much now. You voiced it to Tom, who quickly responded.

“Mm, but then I’d lose that challenge. Told you I can make you cum twice, didn’t I? I know you can, you still got at least another three rounds in you.” He grinned, watching you mutter some curses under your breath.

He went back down on you, enjoying how soaking wet you were.

“Asshole…” You breathed out, eyes clenching closed for a few moments as Tom licked in circles around your clit. You knew for a fact at this point that he would certainly get another orgasm out of you, and that was irritating but you loved it.

You missed him a lot, and you could tell he really did miss you too.

“Tom! Fuck…” It happened so fast, you didn’t get to say anything else as you felt it rush out of you. Tom grinned smugly, continuing to finger fuck you again.

“I told you so!” He practically sang it, laughing as you rolled your eyes at him.

“Mm, yeah whatever.” You mumbled at him, and he continued to smile, breathing in deeply as he pulled away from in between your legs.

You two laid in silence for a few moments, as you two stared at each other in thought. You barely have seen him look so happy and relaxed, you were a bit surprised, but you felt even more happy from it. You wondered momentarily if things were going to continue being this good, or if you two were going to have problems again. It would suck, but you were still a bit hopeful that if you two were going to argue again, you could talk it out. That would have to work, or else maybe you two weren’t right for each other.

You pushed the thought out of your mind as Tom softly placed a hand on your cheek, rubbing his thumb gently on your face.

“I missed you a lot. More than I could handle.”

“I missed you too, Tom.” You responded, then a random thought of your coworker made your lips quirk up, causing Tom to furrow his eyebrows at you.

“What is it?” He asked, grinning softly at you as you laughed and shook your head.

“Uh, it’s just my coworker, Christine, I just remembered what she said earlier.” You paused, laughing a little again as Tom’s eyes widened.

“Oh fuck, please don’t tell me Evan told her about me and then she said something to you.” He pleaded but then you squeezed your eyes shut, giggling even more as he groaned at you.

“No….” He dragged out, rolling to face up to the ceiling, instead of staying on his side. He put his hands over his head, groaning again, “Fuck no.” It just made you laugh more at him.

“It wasn’t that bad.” You tried to say, but a chuckle came out, making Tom shake his head. “I’m pretty sure she was over exaggerating – like when she said you went to their place and got drunk and started crying in the bathroom.” You explained, eyes glancing at Tom as he gulped.

“No, she wasn’t over exaggerating. I cried in their bathroom.” He answered, dragging his hands off his face now.

“What, why?” You burst out laughing again, not believing him. How drunk did he get? Or maybe they watched a sad movie, but still it was so unexpected to hear that was true.

“I uh, saw a picture of you and Christine pinned on their fridge. And then I went into the bathroom to calm down and they use the same soap we use for our hand soap.” He replied, and then quickly added, “I was drunk, and I was talking about how much I missed you earlier in the evening so it was surprising and made me sad again.”

You stopped your laughing slowly, watching as he sighed out in embarrassment. “Aww, baby. I didn’t realize you would be that upset.” You said, frowning a bit.

He glanced at you in shock, “Of course I really was sad. I felt like everything I did was wrong, and I thought I really messed up the future with us.  I couldn’t cope at all and every time I saw a reminder of you, I felt horrible.”

You were stunned in silence. He continued, “I talked to your friends a lot. I’m not sure if they told you that…but after I met up with them that first time, I kept talking to them, asking if I should reach out to you or not. They said not to, it would be better to wait for you to feel better. I really wanted to apologize earlier. I still should’ve waited longer, I know that. But that picture that I sent – fuck, I thought you’d get your friends to kill me or something, I wanted to delete it.”

“And imagining my life without you? No, not a fun thing. Every time I fell asleep, I’d have dreams of you and each time I woke up, I felt horrible knowing you weren’t really next to me. The time I spent away from you was kind of a wake-up call, telling me it’s time to be mature and stop fucking around with my friends so much, and – uh, well a few other things.” He finished up.

“Tom…” You trailed off, “I’m surprised. I didn’t know it affected you so much. If I did, I would have reached out to you. But yeah, I’m glad that you had the wake-up call about us and everything.”

“Right, yeah. Even though I had that wake-up call, I knew I couldn’t just reach out to you because I thought it would make you upset. I didn’t want to make you sad again, and I was staying with some friends during that time. We drank a lot too, I’m not going to hide that from you, but I’m done with drinking for a long time for now. After what happened… yeah, not planning on drinking.” Tom chuckled at the end.

You raised your eyebrows, “You mean you’re going to quit drinking? That’s a big deal. You guys drink almost every night.” You were talking about him and his friends hanging out together.

“If that’s what it takes to be mature and be the man I should be, then yeah.” He confirmed it.

“Woah, so no more icky beer breath?” You joked, hoping to lighten up the mood slightly.

Tom laughed, “It wasn’t that bad!” You shook your head at him, giggling a bit as he turned to face you again.

“And also, my friends wouldn’t kill you or anything, by the way.” You added, finding his seriousness about your friends being ruthless with him funny. You didn’t think they’d hurt him or anything, but the thought of your friends play-threatening him and him taking it seriously, made you laugh.

“Baby, no, they absolutely would. Especially Maria.” Tom huffed out, shaking his head at the thought of Maria. He looked like he was scared.

“Shut up, Maria is a sweetheart! She wouldn’t even hurt a fly.” You defended her, laughing at his accusations. She was one of your closest friends. She’s supported you through so many things, and you have for her as well. But you’ve never heard of anyone saying she’d kill someone, that was a bit funny.

“Are we talking about the same Maria?” He looked so intense, you laughed more.

He was smiling when you slowly stopped laughing, and you were confused, “Hm, what?” You asked, wondering what he was smiling so brightly at you.

“I just love you.” He whispered, causing you to feel a rush of heat to your cheeks.

“I love you too, baby.” You mumbled back as he scooted closer to you, meeting your lips in a kiss.

He groaned when you pulled away too soon, “Do you want to continue where we left off?” His question made you squeak out a laugh.

“I would definitely like to continue where we left off.” You shot back, and he giggled slightly, rolling so he was on top of you.

There was something so special about looking at him from this angle. You couldn’t exactly place it on your tongue, but this was one of those sights that you’d always remember, no matter what. The love and desire in his eyes and that smile on his lips was incredible.

“I love you.” You whispered again just as he placed his lips on yours, then you felt his smile widen, and you knew he loved you just as much.

You could say it over and over again, and you’d know he would reciprocate.

He kissed his way down to your chest, making you moan quietly as he focused on one of your nipples. He licked and bit randomly, chuckling when he heard you groan or shudder at the feeling. His hands wouldn’t leave your body, gripping hard as he made you feel even better.

“Fuck, you feel ready for me.” He groaned, slipping a finger up into your pussy. You shifted your hips, trying to get more of his finger.

“I want you, Tom.” You moaned, eyes gazing down at him. He gulped at the sight, whispering something against your skin before he pulled away. He took his finger away, and then placed it in his mouth, savoring the flavor of you as he twirled his finger around in his mouth.

“Just fuck me already.” You practically begged him, watching as he shifted his position.

“Okay baby,” He paused, shaking his head, “Next time, you better say please.”

You almost rolled your eyes at him but stopped as he slowly started to enter your pussy. He grunted out a curse, head rolling back before he dove deeper, sliding his cock more into you.

You didn’t care about the slight pain, knowing it would be covered with pleasure soon. Tom fully pushed his way in and then stopped, gazing down at you. “Feeling alright?” His question was met with a nod.

“Yes, come on, Tom!” You pushed your hips up, making him squeeze his eyes close.

“Fuck, okay. You can get away with not having manners right now.” Tom grounded out, hips slapping against yours as he started to fuck you.

It was a slow and steady pace at first, and each time he was fully inside of you, he gazed down at where you two were connected, as if he was trying to take a picture.

“And when we’re done with making love – as you call it, then I’m going to fuck you.” He continued his thought, grinning when you voiced out a small, “Huh?”

Then he started going at it, fucking finally.

His hold on you tightened as he started to go in and out at a faster pace, slamming deep inside of you. You felt so sensitive from the past few minutes, you already knew you were going to come again, and fast at that. You couldn’t believe it, and looking at Tom’s face, you were sure he was about to come too.

You gasped as he moved his hips at a different angle, hitting you inside at a faster pace. He groaned as you clenched around him and leaned down and kissed your lips. You smiled into the kiss, finding it sweet but then he slipped his tongue out, leading into an open kiss.

You pushed your hips up to meet him as he pushed into you, causing him to moan into the kiss.

“Fuck, baby, you’re gonna make me come soon. Are you close?” He mumbled into your ear. You nodded a yes to him, grinning at the fucked out look on his face. His dick hit you even deeper when he shifted again, and you gasped as it hit your g-spot.

“Right there,” you panted loudly, “Hit – there, oh fuck, Tom, right there, please.” You begged, eyes watering as your orgasm was just about to happen.

“Good girl, keep going, I’m going to come now. Come with me.” Tom leaned down and kissed you, a small moan tumbling out of him when he finally burst, coming into you deeply. It continued to push out into your pussy, and you whimpered loudly when you felt yourself let go.

He stilled inside of you, dropping down on top of your body, with a huff of air. “Fuck that was amazing.” He mumbled to you, kissing the side of your face which made you smile.

“Yeah, it was, babe.” You responded, smiling even more when you realized he was still inside of you. It looked like he knew what you were thinking about, and he smirked, putting a hand on the side of your face softly and leaned down to kiss your lips again.

“Do you wanna go again?”

The question made you wheeze out a laugh, but you quickly kissed him again, more passionately to give him an answer.

“I’d love to, but maybe after we get some food.” You said, reluctantly pulling away. Tom pouted softly but he nodded and then rolled off of you. Then he sent you a cheeky glance and said, “Be right back.”

You watched as he ran out of the bedroom, fully naked and then you heard him open the front door of the house. You gasped to yourself, laughing and wondering what the hell he was doing. After another few moments, you heard the door shut, and then he ran back into the room with a bright red face and a bag.

“I forgot I was naked.” He admitted, brushing a hand through his hair before he laughed to himself and then held up the bag.

“Got you that pasta from our favorite restaurant. And garlic bread and a slice of cake. I ordered it a while ago, when we were taking a water break, it’s just been sitting out there for a while but it’s still warm.” He continued, and you sat up in surprise and then stared at him in shock.

“No way.” You grounded out, eyes widened at the bag of delicious food. “Really?” You asked excitedly, and then you laughed happily as Tom nodded to you.

“Just wanna say that your mom was the one that told me to order it. She’s awesome.” He brought up as you two started to eat on the bed.

“My mom’s the best.” You choked out a laugh, shaking your head.

The two of you continued to eat, giggling over stupid stuff on the bed. It took a while to finish the food but once you did, Tom picked up the trash and threw it away. Then he attacked you with tickles on the bed, which led to a lot more hours of fun.

-

You felt so sore when you woke up, it actually hurt to move your legs. After spending the entire day in bed with him, you sure were tired still. He laid across from you with a little sleepy grin on his face, head laying flat on the pillow and his legs were wrapped around yours.

You curled your hands away from him carefully, since you had them wrapped up in his hair. You must’ve accidentally tugged some hair since he groaned slightly and moved his position.

You chuckled at the expression on his face, causing him to fully wake up. “Huh?” He groaned out slowly.

You didn’t say anything back, you just smiled, watching as he blinked up at you a few times and then comprehended where he was. Then he instantly smiled brightly, eyes crinkling together too.

“You’re cute.” You whispered, not wanting to break the morning moment. He rolled his eyes at you playfully.

“I think you mean I’m handsome.” He chuckled tiredly. You raised an eyebrow at his words, making him shake his head at you and chuckle more.

“You hungry for some breakfast?” You asked, feeling a rumble in your stomach. Tom instantly shot up, nodding like he was starving.

“Yeah, I mean – I would totally make a comment about wanting to have you for breakfast, but I’m hungry and down to do that after?” He phrased it all out as a question, making you laugh hard.

“I would be down to do that after breakfast too.” You laughed again, rolling out of bed, away from the warmth. You almost shivered but then you slipped on some socks and dragged a blanket out of bed, with Tom giggling about how cute you looked.

You found your phone outside the room, almost grimacing when you saw all the missed calls and texts and then you saw the time. Your eyes bulged out, gasping as you realized it was 3PM, definitely not the time for breakfast.

“Tom! Shit, it’s way past breakfast and lunch.” You called out, laughing at yourself as you pulled up all your messages. You pressed on the messages from your mom first, reading through them with a grin. She sent a picture with your dad at the park, and she said they were feeling like going on a date, and that she’d call you later tonight to plan to see you tomorrow.

You sent her a quick response and laughed when you looked at the messages from your dad. He sent a ton of pictures, one specifically made you laugh harder. It was a picture of a Viagra commercial, and he sent, “Let me know if Tom needs to see a doctor for this, I have a few doctor friends.”

You showed the text to Tom, who blushed deeply and shook his head.

“I can’t believe we spoke about that. I don’t need Viagra, I think I proved that to you earlier.” He spoke up, raising his eyebrows at you, then winked.

“You certainly did.” You chuckled, then sent a message to your dad, replying that you would speak to him and your mom later in the day.

“So, in the mood for lunch? Or uh, very early dinner?” Tom asked, gazing at the clock on the wall as you two walked into the kitchen.

“Mm, well I’m hungry for anything really. Oh wait, Maria just texted me.” You responded, then clicked onto the text from her. It was in the group chat, which was spammed with so many messages.

All of them were asking about you and if you and Tom had finally made up. You smiled, typing a small explanation about your day yesterday and then pressed send. The moment it sent through, your phone started ringing and Tom laughed, glancing at who was calling.

“Sophia is also a bit scary, she said she’d beat me up.” He said just as you answered and put it on speaker. She overhead it and responded quickly, “Damn right I will if you hurt our girl.”

You laughed at the two of them, “Come on guys, it’s all cool now. We spoke and things are good.” You watched as Tom went to go look in the fridge and then he turned around to face you and winked again, whispering, “Really good.”

You rolled your eyes at him playfully as Sophia spoke up, “Alright, good, cause we’re going out. We wanna hang out with you two together finally. There’s happy hour all day at the hotel right now, it’s really pretty out here.” The hotel all your friends were staying at was about a twenty-minute drive, and you glanced over to Tom, silently questioning if he’d like to go.

You were planning on hanging out with them today for sure too. You wanted to make sure to see them as much as you could before they left. You didn’t get to see them that often.

“Oh really? Is there good food?” You asked her, feeling giddy when Tom smiled over at you and nodded.

“Yes, oh fuck, the nachos are to die for.” She groaned into the phone, making you chuckle.

“There’s guacamole, right?” You asked, hoping for it. That’s the good shit right there – guac and chips. Thankfully, Sophia responded with a loud, “Yes!” Then you heard a few of your other friends over the phone, chatting about what they were going to wear.

You chuckled and responded, “Okay, we can come by. We’ll get ready and hop in the car.” Tom grabbed two cookies from the fridge before he walked over to you, wrapping an arm around you as Sophie responded and said goodbye.

You ate one of the cookies, watching as Tom ate his, smiling at the crumb on the corner of his lip. You got up on your tiptoes and licked it off of his lip, giggling when he gasped and squeezed you into a hug.

“We need to shower before we go.” He whispered down to you, gazing pointedly down to the both of you. You two were covered in old sweat and spit and you could feel some sticky parts on your body.

You nodded and guided him towards the bathroom as he kissed little pecks on the top of your head. You started the shower, grinning at Tom as he took the blanket off of you. And then you took off your socks and checked the water temperature, making sure it was at a good heat.

As you were getting it ready and getting into the shower, Tom started to speak up, “Should I ask my friends to go to the hotel and we can all meet together? Have our friends hang out?” You blinked in surprise, but the idea excited you. You wanted to know what it would be like to have all of them hang out together, so you nodded a yes to him.

“Yeah! I think that would be good, see what it’s like.” You responded and Tom walked over after sending a message to his friends, getting into the shower with you, then kissed your lips softly.

“You’re so sweet.” He mumbled against your lips, and you pulled him back in before he went away. You kissed him again, not feeling like it was enough. Even though you two spent all day together in bed yesterday, you still felt like you missed out on so much affection and touch from him during the time you spent apart.

He groaned into the kiss, pushing his body against yours under the hot water rushing down onto the two of you. It felt so good, so perfect to be like this again. You could feel how he breathed in deeply, and how he shivered against you and how he reacted to everything you did.

You opened your mouth to continue kissing him, licking his bottom lip before slipping a hand up into his hair to give it a quick tug. He moaned softly into the kiss, “Baby…”, and you smirked, pulling away from him just enough to give him some room to talk.

“We’re going to be late if we continue.” He warned you and you barely shrugged, not caring as much since you wanted to be with him. Instead of verbally responding, you pushed your breasts up to press against his chest, pushing them so they would softly push up into his vision.

He gazed down to them with a sigh, “Okay, fuck being on time, I missed your tits.” He bent down and kissed each of them softly. “Missed them so much.” He mumbled against the skin of one of them, causing you to shiver.

You were always pretty sensitive there, and he knew it. “Yeah, they missed you too.” You huffed out a laugh, before gaping at how he immediately tugged one of your nipples into his mouth, biting down hard.

“Fuck Tom! That’s – shit, ow, wait,” You panted out as he started to suck on it, then licked around the area, flicking his tongue at the stiff nipple. His hand grasped the other, massaging it and circling his thumb around your nipple before pinching it tightly.

“So pretty,” He whispered, taking it out of his mouth, licking a long stripe on your breast, then taking the nipple he was pinching into his mouth, instantly smoothing soft licks over it to calm it down.

You panted hard, feeling it was a bit unfair, so your hand crept down to his growing hard on, flicking a finger up and down it, teasing him.

“Don’t do that, love, you know what happens if you do.” He warned you, pulling away reluctantly from your nipple. You rolled your eyes at him, “Hm, really? I don’t think I know what happens.”

He chuckled at your behavior, tugging your hand away from him and his other hand grasped around your throat, just laying there without squeezing you. Your eyes widened at him, surprised at the turn of events.

“I remember you liked this. Don’t think I’d forget about that.” He spoke up, raising an eyebrow at you.

You felt heat rise up in your cheeks, “Yeah, I actually did think you’d forget about it, it’s not something we usually do.” He grinned at you, and you completely forgot what you were doing just a few moments ago.

“Would you like to do it more often? I’m definitely open to this, I like seeing that look in your eyes.” He asked, giving an experimental squeeze. Your mouth dropped open, your arousal doubling at the feeling, and he did it again.

“Oh, fuck.” You whimpered as he squeezed harder, tugging your head up to his. He dragged you into a passionate kiss and pushed you up against the wall, supporting your weight as you wrapped your legs around him at the waist.

You automatically rocked your hips to his, grinding against him during the kiss, and he panted hotly against you, squeezing your throat again.

The water wasn’t spraying down on you directly anymore, since you were back against the wall, but it was hitting Tom completely. The water slipped down between you two, making it feel even better, you shivered at the temperature difference.

His other hand had pushed between you two, pinching again at your nipple and causing you to squirm up into him even more. He chuckled into the kiss at your reaction, doing it even more. He pulled away from your nipple when you cried out his name, “Tom, please!”

His hand went underneath you, pressing up against your ass to support your weight as he pulled you off the wall and pulled you back into the water.

You two were fully soaked now, and he hesitantly pulled away from the kiss, wanting to put some shampoo in your hair.

After all, you two had to get clean, right?

Thankfully, the shampoo was on a shelf built into the shower, and he grabbed it with ease, and you helped him open it.

“Should I get down?” You asked, wondering if he was having trouble, and he shook his head.

“No, I’m going to fuck you while washing your hair.” He replied, nonchalantly.

“Oh!” You gulped, causing him to laugh slightly. “As long as you’re okay with that, of course.” He added, making sure that you felt okay, and you instantly nodded.

“Yes please, I am definitely cool with that.” Your voice cracked a little and he smiled at you, turning to rub the shampoo into your hair. He pushed you back up against the wall as he scrubbed it in, while he started to adjust how he was standing.

“Ready?” He asked gently and you replied with a sweet kiss. He pushed into your pussy after a moment and slowly sunk in, moaning loudly into the kiss.

“Fuck…” He let out, pulling away from your lips as you breathed in deeply, adjusting to the size of him. You could feel every part of it, and then he pulled back out slowly, rubbing the shampoo in your hair. It felt incredible, but you were still so sore from yesterday.

He pumped in and out of you as he scrubbed and massaged the shampoo into your scalp and hair. The two of you breathed heavily, as you stared up at him. It felt so intimate, and you missed him so much, glad that you were in his presence now.

You clenched your pussy around him, pleased to hear his little groan. “Mm, okay, time to rinse it out.” He mumbled, pulling you closer to him with your legs still wrapped around his torso. The water poured down onto your head, and Tom blocked the water from hitting your eyes with his hand. He smoothed the shampoo suds out of your hair, and you smiled up at him, grateful.

When it all rinsed out, he put some conditioner in your hair. He stopped pumping in and out, instead he chose to just keep inside of you. You shivered and tried to move, feeling a bit of an uncomfortable heat.

“You feel, okay?” He asked you nonchalantly. You almost rolled your eyes at him but answered, “Kinda want you to move… like fuck me.”

He raised an eyebrow at you, “Oh, yeah? Mm, not happening until your hair’s clean.” You sputtered out a few curse words, shaking your head.

“But Tom!” You protested, and he shrugged.

“What? You’re dirty and you need to clean up.” He replied, not moving his hips at all.

“But I want you to fuck me, I need you to.” You moaned, head rolling back. He shook his head, looking amused at your words.

“You need me? How bad?” He played along with you, and you bit your lip, feeling frustrated he was acting like a jerk (a hot jerk). You didn’t respond verbally at all, instead you gave him a stare that should have translated into everything you were currently internally shouting at him to fucking move it.

“Oh, that bad, huh?” He practically giggled at your stare, making you sputter out loud, “Huh!”

“You’re going to have to talk to me, I’m not a mind reader.” He let out as his eyes traced down to your breasts again, watching the water drip down them.

You lifted a brow at him, amused at what his mouth was saying and what his eyes were saying, “Apparently, I’m a mind reader because I know what that look means. Go on then, give them some kisses, maybe that’ll knock some sense into you and finally finish fucking me.” You chatted, a light smile danced on your lips.

He rolled his eyes at you, but you noticed his bright blush that appeared. “You’re talking too much for a girl who wants to be fucked.” He shot back, you grinned at the playful mood he was in.

“Yeah. So, what are you going to do about it?” You tilted your head at him, exposing more of your neck as the water seared down your skin, making its way down your chest, he gulped at the sight.

He finally moved his fucking hips, cock slipping deeper into your pussy and then back out at a fast pace. His head burrowed down into your neck, mouth biting down onto your skin, followed by a few rough kisses and licks that had you moaning.

He pulled away to stare at you while he fucked you. “You never know when to close your mouth. Good thing I can fuck you silent.” He sighed deeply. You gaped at him, a fluttering deep in your stomach.

You couldn’t help but clench around his dick, feeling each detail of his dick that you memorized earlier. You liked watching how it affected him, the little groan that came out made you bite back your smile. His hands moved, one going to your hips, griping on the side tightly.

His other hand moved to your neck, grasping it slightly like he did before.

He fucked you hard and fast against the shower wall, chocking you whenever you clenched around his dick or tried to tease him. You reached your peak quickly, head pushing into his tight grasp as you tried to warn him, but he only leaned down and kissed you, “Go on, come for me.” He spoke into your ear, and you gasped, lifting your hips to meet his as you finally came, falling deep into your orgasm.

He came after you did, slowing his pace as his cum started to drip down and leak out of your pussy. He pulled out with a sigh, and kissed you again, then scooped up the cum that was smeared on your inner thighs and pressed his fingers into your mouth.

“Good girl, now let’s finish cleaning up.”

-

You two left about forty minutes later, after getting out of the shower and getting dressed. Tom was wearing one of the shirts you got him for a previous birthday of his, and he unbuttoned the first three buttons to show all the hickeys you left on him. You wore something that covered up a bit more, not wanting to have his love all on display. You were sure you had bruises forming around your neck too.

“Woah, finally you guys made it!” One of your friends cheered, bringing everyone’s attention to the two of you. You guys walked towards them, after you went into the hotel lobby.

“Aw, there’s the happy couple. Tom, I need to speak with you privately for a moment.” Another one of your friends said, looking serious. Tom gulped but nodded and agreed to talk to her privately. It was Ana, one of your closest friends. She was one of the funniest friends you had.

“If you hurt my friend again, I’m going to make you wish you were never born. Your friends will despise you and your family will disown you once I’m done with you. You’re going to regret living, when I finally decide to leave you alone.” Ana sneered at him once they made sure they were in private. Tom’s eyes widened.

“Oh! Fuck, okay, got it.” He stumbled out, waving his hands in front of him in a rush.

He didn’t realize it was practically your whole friend group that would say and do that stuff to him, but at the same time he felt a bit proud and happy for you. You had a great relationship with your friends and your family, it was something he thought was amazing.

“They got the nachos! Yes, let’s eat some, I’m starving.” You called out, bringing Tom’s attention back to you. He excused himself from Ana, and then strolled back to you with a soft smile.

“I got you extra guacamole, sweetie. Love you.” Ana spoke up, specifically to you. She glanced over at Tom and gave him a mean glare, but somehow hid it from you when you replied to her.

“Aw I love you guys – oh wait, where are your friends?” You said, grinning widely at her and then gazed at Tom, tilting your head in his direction.

“They’re on their way, I texted them when we got out of the car. I think they’ll be here in about five minutes.” He replied, nodding to you.

One of the waiters brought out another plate of nachos, making everyone cheer. One of your friends ordered you a drink, and Tom ordered a round for everyone as well. He didn’t get anything to drink though because he still felt like he had enough to drink from that other night for Harrison’s party.

“Thank you so much, oh these are so yummy.” You groaned, serving yourself a plate of nachos. You dipped one of the chips into the guacamole, and ate it with another moan, watching Tom send you a look.

“What?” You asked, a chuckle falling out of your mouth as you chewed the food. He sighed out and shook his head, causing you to chuckle a bit more.

“You’re giving me a hard time, babe.” He said it quietly, making sure no one else but you could hear him, and you smiled at him.

“No pun intended, huh?” You replied, then laughed as you fed him a chip. He ate it with a playful grumpy look. You moaned again, much louder and in his face, then rolled your eyes at him when he choked on his chip.

When his friends showed up, you and Tom introduced them each to your friends. Harrison and his fiancée had come together, who would be wed soon. You were happy to catch up with her while Harrison stood back with Tom.

Tom bit back a sigh as he noticed the look on Harrison’s face. “What is it now?” He spoke up, wondering what it was that Harrison wanted to talk to him about.

“You and Y/n.” He wiggled his eyebrows at Tom. After a moment of silence, he continued. “I can tell what you’re going to do. But when, is the question.”

Tom went into panic mode, “Shh! Don’t say anything. Yes, I plan on asking her the question soon, but I don’t want anyone to hear about it right now. Besides, she kinda knows I’m going to pop the question soon.”

“Aw, that’s great! We’re both going to be married soon to sweet girls. We can even plan a pregnancy together, like those friend groups on TikTok.” Harrison chuckled, to which Tom shook his head. He couldn’t believe what he was hearing from his friend right now, but he laughed anyway.

“Are you drunk?” Tom asked, already knowing the answer. Harrison nodded a yes, then snorted, “Is it that obvious?”

“Yeah, pretty obvious.” He replied.

“It’s good you two made up. I honestly thought you two would be married before us,” He paused and glanced over to his fiancée and you. “Since you two had moved in together early on and have great chemistry.”

“…And that one night you told me that you were going to marry her, before you asked her to move in with you.” He brought up, and Tom hit a hand to his head.

“Please, do not bring that up to her, she will tease me forever about that.” He chuckled, “I was drunk but yeah, it was since that moment I knew that we’d be together for a long time and hopefully for the rest of our lives.” He felt a smile form onto his face, feeling that sense of happiness and love again.

“What are you two talking about over here?” One of your friends had come up to the two and dragged you by the hand to join the conversation.

At the same time, Harrison and Tom looked at each other and blurted out different things. “Football.” “Music.”

You and your friend, Alexia, laughed hard at the two, “Okay, yeah, sure. I’ll let you get away with that.” You giggled, shaking your head at the scene.

“Thank goodness, I didn’t want to explain how romantic and gushy Tom can be.” Harrison blew out a sigh dramatically and then his eyes widened, “Oh whoops. My bad.” He chuckled, and you smiled at them.

“I already know how gushy my baby can be, huh?” You teased Tom, sliding up to him and you wrapped an arm around his waist, squeezing him tightly.

He rolled his eyes at you and blushed, “You’re lucky I love you so much.”

“I love you too, honey.” You leaned up and kissed his cheek softly. Your friends and his friends both cheered along at the two of you together. Tom’s blush reddened even more, and you pulled away with a delighted smile on your face.

“I’m happy we’re all here together.” You spoke up to him after a few moments to yourself. Tom gazed back at you with love in his eyes, and he agreed.

“Me too, I’m glad they all get along too, it’s like a big happy family in a weird way.” He chuckled, getting distracted by one of his friends, Tuwaine, who was having a hard time with the spicy hot sauce on the side with the nachos.

One of your friends, Maria, had walked up to him at that point and slapped his back, thinking he was choking, and then gave him some water.

You and Tom laughed together more, happier in the moment of things compared to how the last few weeks have been. He felt like crying out of happiness, something he hadn’t done in a while. He brushed his hand up against your back and squeezed you to his body, leaning down to your ear, “Thank you, you make me so happy. I love you more than words can describe.”

“You make me feel the same way, Tom. I’m lucky to have you back here now.” You grasped his hand and held onto it tightly for the rest of the day, chatting away with all of yours and his friends together.

-

THAT IS IT WE DID IT! What do you think?? Comments? Thank you so much for reading!

LOTS OF LOVE COMING YOUR WAY thank you again!

#tom holland #tom holland x reader #tom holland smut #tom holland x you #tom holland fanfiction

[twig-tea]

Get To Know Me Tag

Tagged by @telomeke @lurkingshan @my-rose-tinted-glasses @he-is-lightning-in-a-bottle and @hyeoni-comb thank you all! 💕

Do you make your bed?

I like a messy bed, it feels more welcoming to me somehow. The only time I make my bed is when I'm without heat and it's winter, then you gotta do it to keep in any residual warmth! But normally I'd rather keep everything loose.

What’s your favorite number?

I....don't think I have one? Is this a thing people have, how do you choose?

What is your job?

I manage a team of Product Owners in the Operations division of a multinational company. In other words, I go to a lot of meetings.

If you could go back to school, would you?

Absolutely not. Beyond the fact that I was formerly a substantive editor of university textbooks, which included both editing the textbook content and sometimes writing their ancillaries (tests, powerpoint slides, etc.) so it feels like I took first-year Sociology at least ten times, I just don't love formalized education. I love learning but on my own terms and at my own pace.

Can you parallel park?

I can't drive at all! Technically I learned how, took lessons and everything, but never got my license.

A job you had that would surprise people?

Hmm. I was a call center person for half a day, it was terrible and I left without getting paid for the work I did because I was so eager to get out of there I didn't want to fight them for my pay (even though I needed the money which is why I was there in the first place). I hate phone calls, I can't hear well on the phone, and it was clear the call center script was designed to be exploitative. It was one of the worst jobs for me I could have taken lol

Do you think aliens are real?

I think it's extremely likely!

Can you drive a manual car?

Nope, even when I learned, it was only on an automatic.

What’s your guilty pleasure?

I'm not guilty about it but I can decimate an entire family size mac and cheese when I'm feeling down.

Tattoos?

I have 3 tattoos; one on each foot and one on the back of my neck. They form a rainbow.

Favorite color?

Blue-green! The shade of preference for any given moment varies, but anything in the region from mint to aqua to teal to turquoise will do; I love them all.

Favorite type of music?

My music taste varies widely but the common denominators are 1) fast tempo or upbeat, 2) solid harmonies, and 3) if there's a tempo or key change I am doubly sold.

Do you like puzzles?

Love puzzles of all kinds. I have a collection of jigsaw puzzles I do regularly, and word puzzles, logic puzzles, sudoku type stuff is all very fun. I don't make a lot of time for them but I do them occasionally and always enjoy it.

Any phobias?

I am afraid of falling. Not heights, but falling. The difference is: I can lean over the railing at the top of a 20-storey building or walk on a glass floor over a big drop and just feel a minor thrill, but am terrified to the point of maybe crying if I have to balance on a single step of a ladder or walk across a patch of ice. I had several brushes with death related to falling when I was a kid, and a few bad falls that caused injury as an adult, so it makes sense. Luckily I am pretty tall so I rarely have to do any kind of ladder-ing!

Favorite childhood sport?

American-style tackle football. We used to play at lunch on the pavement because the soccer kids got the field; we played in all seasons including snow, and we did it for love of the sport. I loved it a lot.

Do you talk to yourself?

Occasionally I'll provide a little commentary on what's happening aloud to myself; but I don't really have fully conversations.

What movies do you adore?

I have loved a lot of movies in my time! A few random ones that come to mind right now because I've been thinking about them for whatever reason are Saving Face (2004), Monster (2023), Practical Magic (1998), Moonlight (2016), and Clue (1985).

Coffee or tea?

Despite my username being a type of tea, in this as in all things I am a perfect Kinsey 3. Love both equally and drink a ton of both (coffee more regularly, tea in greater volume).

First thing you wanted to be growing up?

Lifeguard, I think! And then when I was in elementary school I wanted to edit textbooks (I was that kid who got annoyed whenever there were mistakes), so I did actually get to do my childhood dream job.

No pressure tags just going with vibes based on who I've interacted with recently (if you've done this already tag me in the comments!): @rocketturtle4 @visualtaehyun @sollucets @troubled-mind @jimmysea @ginnymoonbeam

#tag game #thank you for tagging me #typed so that i can stop thinking it

[ecoamerica]

Watch the American Climate Leadership Awards 2024 now: https://youtu.be/bWiW4Rp8vF0?feature=shared

The American Climate Leadership Awards 2024 broadcast recording is now available on ecoAmerica's YouTube channel for viewers to be inspired by active climate leaders. Watch to find out which finalist received the $50,000 grand prize! Hosted by Vanessa Hauc and featuring Bill McKibben and Katharine Hayhoe!

#ACLA24 #ACLA24Leaders #youtube #youtube video #climate leaders #climate solutions #climate action #climate and environment #climate #climate change #climate and health #climate blog #climate justice #climate news #weather and climate #environmental news #environment #environmental awareness #environment and health #environmental #environmental issues #environmental justice #environment protection #environmental health #Youtube

[minsungjinho]

Late Night Snack (hyung line)

genre: work friends to playmates word count: 8.1K warnings below the cut

warnings: explicit sexual content, protected sex, teasing, 4some, oral (m&f), doggy, missionary, alcohol use, cucking ig?, swallowing, slight body worship, aftercare, rough, also gentle, lmk if I missed any!

lazily proofread - fixed spelling errors.

~

“Please don’t go, I can’t live without you by my side.” You said, bright lights and cameras in your face. 

“I can’t bare to go back to the apartment that will be empty of your presence, or go to the cafe where you won’t be there to wave at me from our table in the corner. I can’t even think about eating a meal that isn’t cooked by you, or sleeping in a bed that's missing the smell of your aftershave. I can’t survive without you anymore, please don’t leave.” You were on your knees at this point, sobbing at the man whose hand you held tight. 

He looked down at you, a blank expression just as the script states. While tears rolled down your cheeks he gently grabbed at your wrist and removed your hand from his. He let your arm drop and turned around without so much as a breath in response. He walked off of the scene, leaving you to break down as the camera zoomed in, your eyes puffy, your nose covered with snot.

“Cut!” The director yelled as assistants and managers ran over to you with face cloths and water, ready to aid you with anything you might need. “Great job today everybody, get some rest for tomorrow.” The producer added, all of the stage crew and cameramen scattered to their positions getting ready for the end-of-day clean-up.

A hand reaches down to you, offering to help you up off of your knees. You blindly accept, not realizing how numb your legs were until you were on your feet. You stumble a bit, the person in front of you helping you stabilize your movement. 

“Thanks,” You said with a smile, looking up at the person who anchored you. It was your costar, Chan, the supposed love of your life coming to your rescue.

“I’ve never seen anyone cry so prettily.” He fluffs some of the wrinkles out of your clothing that formed as you sat on the floor shooting the scene. 

You blush at what you assume is a compliment, bowing to him as you tell him how great he did during today's shoot. Your other costars walk up to the two of you, exchanging praise about your day at work. The four of you often got together after shoots and get food while talking shop. 

“I’ve got a date tonight, so I’ll have to skip dinner,” Changbin said, looking down at his phone.

Changbin played the character that acted as your optional lover, one that you a had very long history line with but posed as a potentially great love story, best friends to lovers you could say. K-dramas often follow a love triangle, or something similar at the very least, leaving the viewer to imagine all of the possibilities.

“Wow, ditching us for another random chick.” Minho slapped Changbins back, wrapping his arm around to stare down at what Bin was looking at.

Minho was (you guessed it) the third love option that leaves the viewers anxious for more. He was the tall, angsty one, practically emotionless on and off the screen. He appeared at mysterious times, always when you needed him most. He served as the stranger that waltzed his way into your heart. 

You watched as the three boys conversed with each other over Changbins date, their personalities seeming to closely match that of their characters. It’s only been about two months since the shooting for the TV show began, but the four of you acted as if you had known each other for decades, never feeling awkward or tense outside of work. 

All of you had gotten dressed in your own clothing, also similar to the characters you were playing, and gathered in a group to head to your usual restaurant. Changbin split from the group once everyone was getting into Minhos car, telling Chan he might catch up with you all later in the evening. You, Chan, and Minho had played music on your ride to the fried chicken place, all singing along like on a summer road trip. The nights like these were your favorite, being with your friends and being able to act normally unlike your other actor pals.

Pulling up to the front of the restaurant, Minho turned the volume of the music down and stared out the car windows. A sign was taped to the front door of the joint, stating that their establishment had run into plumbing issues and was closed for the next two days. The three of you had all seemed to groan at the same time, disappointed that you weren’t able to eat greasy chicken and drown in soju. 

“We could go to my place, it’s close enough and I just bought groceries the other day.” You had been to Minho’s place once before, dropping him off after an unusually long night of drinking. “And yes, I’ve got booze.” He added before Chan could ask.

You all agreed and were on the road again, talking about the scenes that were filmed today rather than listening to music. You arrived in less than ten minutes, gathering your bag and zipping up your jacket before exiting the car. It was a chilly November day, the wind causing goosebumps to raise all over. Autumn was your favorite season, though your body hadn’t acclimated to how quickly it had gotten cold. The car door was opened for you, Minho waiting for you to exit as the breeze messed up his ashy brown hair. You stepped out, feeling the cool air for yourself and shuddering at the fact that you chose to wear a dress that day. Minho shut the door behind you before wrapping part of his long trench-style coat around you in an attempt to block the wind from hitting your body. You closed the distance between you two, getting close in order for the coat to cover more of your body. You stayed like this until you reached the front doors of his apartment building, just as fancy as you remember. He types in a code to open the large doors, letting you go in ahead of him while he waited for Chan to catch up.

Once you had reached his apartment Minho immediately headed toward the kitchen to start preparing dinner. You had heard of his skill in the kitchen but had yet to witness it yourself. You slipped off your jacket and placed it on the back of a chair sitting in the middle of the room between the open-concept living area and kitchen. Chan had made himself comfortable on the couch, whipping out his phone and scrolling through whatever social media he was obsessed with these days. You rummaged through your bag, grabbing a pair of comfy leggings and an oversized teeshirt you usually wore to bed. You let Minho know you were going to change, and that you would be right back to help him prepare dinner, to which he responded with only a nod before resuming his preparations. 

You slipped into your clothes once you had locked the bathroom door behind you, contemplating whether or not it would be awkward to take your bra off to maximize the comfiness of your outfit. You decided to leave it on, unaware of how rude or awkward it might seem to the boys. Returning to the kitchen your nose was met with the lovely smell of rice cooking and aromatic vegetables frying. 

“Wow, it already smells great in here.” You exclaimed to Minho, walking behind him and offering to help. 

He gave you the spatula in his hand, letting you fry up the veggies as he prepared the chicken for the oven. Every so often he would have to maneuver around you, placing his hand on the small of your back or slightly moving you over by grabbing your waist. He was confident in his actions, not making the situation awkward as you both prepared dinner. 

“A bit touchy today, huh Min?” Chan commented. 

You looked back and found him leaning back against the fridge with his arms crossed, watching as you two naturally conversed and cooked. 

“You aren’t allowed to complain when you aren’t helping.” Minho shot back with a shit-eating grin, causing you to chuckle quietly. “You could at least get the silverware ready,” You added, causing Minho to smile down at you proudly. 

“Yeah yeah yeah, you two go back to being lovebirds.” Chan sighed while opening the utensil drawer.

Both you and Minho ignored his comment, though a blush crept up onto your face without you realizing. You knew where you and all of the boys stood in terms of relationships- knowing how messy it would be for your careers. You did indulge in fantasizing about them sometimes, wondering if Minho is a secret romantic, or how Chan would be in bed. You pretty much knew how Changbin was due to all of his dating stories. 

You had finished cooking dinner, helping Min by serving the food at the table while Chan grabbed beers from the fridge. “I should probably just have water, if I drink tonight it’ll be hell trying to wake up for the shoot tomorrow.” You sighed, sitting down at the modern glass dining table. “You didn’t see the text? Shooting tomorrow is canceled because of a storm rolling through. We were supposed to be shooting at the Han River.” Chan set a beer in front of you, opening yours before his own. 

“Oh thank god, I really needed a break.” You relaxed into your chair, taking a deep breath as you felt some weight being lifted off of your shoulders. 

The boys dug right into the food, barely savoring it as they ate. The finished product was chicken fried rice, with a couple of side dishes including kimchi and salad. It didn’t take long for the three of you to finish your meals, happily stuffed and slightly buzzed from the beers. The one thing everyone knew about you was how touchy you got when you were drunk. This was evident, having smooshed yourself up against Chan who had sat next to you during dinner. Your head was rested on his shoulder, eyes closed as you listened to the boys talk. He had his arm wrapped around you, lightly caressing your arm, a small but enjoyable show of affection. 

Half asleep, you hear hushed whispers that sound almost like an argument. “How come you get to be all touchy with her now?” Minho questioned quietly. “You had your turn earlier.” Chan rebutted. 

This went on for some time, breaking your peaceful attempt at sleep. Fed up, you stood up from your chair and chugged the leftover contents of your beer before telling the boys to follow you. Minho had a large living room with only a sectional couch and a TV hung up on the wall. You grabbed a couple of pillows and blankets from the couch, laying them on the floor in a comfy makeshift bed. You lay down in the center, waving them over. 

“Can’t you guys just share?” You said sleepily, curled up on the fuzzy blanket. 

They walk over to you without a second thought. Minho lays behind you, wrapping an arm around your stomach loosely while Chan got comfortable in front of you, wiping stray hairs from your face. This might have seemed out of the ordinary or awkward if not for the numerous scenes at work of you being romantic with either of them. It was a casual cuddle sesh between three friends, all a bit intoxicated, however.

It wasn’t until Changbin walked through the front door that you realized how the situation must have looked. His jacket was hung over his shoulder, fingers barely gripping at it. His other hand held his phone at his side, while his face looked just as puzzled as you expected it to be.

“Not what it looks like.” You stated, sitting up on your elbows to explain the situation to Binnie.

“Could be.” Chan declared confidently as if he had been thinking about it this whole time.

“I’m down,” Changbin added while hanging his jacket on the hook and tossing his phone on the counter. 

Your eyes widened at his response, and your stomach starting to feel uneasy at the direction the conversation was headed. “Haha funny” You scoffed, standing up between Minho and Chan. “The kitchen isn’t going to clean itself.” You tried using this as an excuse, about to step in that direction before a hand grabbed at you holding you back.

“You too?!” You exclaimed, looking down at Minho’s golden honey-colored eyes.

He shrugged in response, unknowing of how you thought about the circumstances. Your mind was frazzled with potential situations and fantasies arizing, unsure of how to act or what to say.

“I need way more alcohol in me to even consider what’s going on right now.” You claimed.

In less than five minutes the four of you were sitting at the now cleaned-off dining room table, drinks in hand though no words had yet been exchanged. You’d already downed a couple of shots of soju, you could feel it in your cheeks. Chan and Changbin sat across from you, Minho to your right as you started to talk. 

“Are you guys… serious?” You asked briefly, not wanting to go too deep into detail for fear of embarrassment. You had refused to make eye contact, swirling your glass instead. 

“The most.” “Very.” “Mm.” They all said at once. You chuckled, frustrated at the tension. 

“How would this even work?” You were grasping at straws, knowing exactly how it could work but feeling too anxious to say anything else. The room was quiet for what felt like an eternity. 

“We could make it into a game.” Changbin offered, resting his head on the knuckles of his intertwined fingers, his elbows propped on the table. 

Minho sat up straight at the suggestion placed on the table- metaphorically of course. 

“Let's.” Chan sealed the deal, your alcohol v.s good decision ratio falling on the lesser end as time continued on. “That is if Y/N is okay with it.” All three boys looked over at you simultaneously. 

“I don’t know, I’ve never done anything like this before.” You pleaded.

“We’ll be gentle,” Minho added with a devious grin, completely contradicting his words.

“Mhm.” Binnie was focused on your body language as the three of you talked through everything. 

Safe words, things that are off limits, and anything that needed to be addressed had been covered all within a short time frame. You internally chuckled at how businesslike the four of you had talked over the situation. You can’t deny the fact that you’ve thought of this exact scenario before, between shoots or on long car rides to outdoor scenes. If it weren’t for the liquid courage you would have never considered letting this happen.

“So, I’m not on birth control or anything.” You mentioned as you all occupied Minho’s bedroom, much more spacious than you had originally expected. Chan relaxed in a chair at the corner of the room, manspreading like it was nobody's business. He was sunken into the chair, an elbow propped on the wooden arm. Minho walked out of the master bathroom, a whole string of condoms unfolding.

“That’s fine.” He said emotionless, as if the whole thing could end right now and he wouldn’t be disappointed. 

You nodded, walking to Changbin as he motioned for you to sit with him. Your steps were a bit uneven, the alcohol making your vision and balance just a bit hazy. He sat on the edge of Minho’s bed, scooting back some to make room for you to sit between his legs. Once you sat down, your body feeling like a bag of bricks, he pulled you into his chest with his arms wrapped around your stomach. He nestled his chin into the crook of your neck, you noticed then how much warmer his body was than yours. 

“How are we starting this?” Chan looked at the men around the room, licking his lips as if he couldn’t wait any longer to begin.

Changbin released you from his grasp, his arms pulling back behind you and fumbling with his tie. “With this.” He claimed, pulling it from the collar of his dress shirt and holding it for everyone to see. 

Your visibly confused face must have hinted that you had no idea what he was talking about. Changbin instructed you to put your hair in a ponytail, making it easier for everyone if your hair was kept out of the way. Once it was situated and held in place by the cheap elastic, he gently covered your eyes with the width of the tie, securing a knot in the back to act as a blindfold. 

You were no longer able to see, not even light from the ceiling crept through. You felt concerned yet intrigued, depending on your other senses to gauge what was happening around the room as the three boys shuffled around. You sat there, hands clasped together on your lap while waiting for something to happen. 

“And the so-called ‘game’? What are we doing.” Minho had dropped his carefree facade, eager to know what was happening next. “Guess the guy, simple as that.” Binnie had a giddy tone to his voice as if he had dreamed of this exact situation. “And we do what, exactly?” Chan asked, his voice was much louder than earlier, you assumed he moved from his position on the chair to standing with the other boys. 

“Anything you want, within the limits of course.” You could hear the eagerness in his tone, unlike Chan and Minho he let his excitement be apparent, which you found cute yet also slightly scary. 

The three men whispered quietly away from you, calmly deciding who should go first in this game of arousal. It hadn’t been until a pair of hands took yours in their grasp that you realized how real this was. You jumped at the skin-to-skin contact, feeling embarrassed at your position in this game. You were waiting for affirming words, forgetting that the point of this was for you to guess who was who. 

The first mystery man let go of your hands, guiding their own to your hips as he pushed you further into the middle of the bed, resting your head down onto a pillow as you lay normally. Based on touch alone you weren’t able to figure out which guy this was. A hand was placed on your jawline, his thumb rubbing against your bottom lip as he situated himself between your legs, towering over your body. Warm, plump lips were placed onto yours, softly kissing you as if you would break. 

You had hoped to be able to tell apart the person by their lips, forgetting how each of them was well stacked in that department. You kissed him like this for a bit, not sure if you were allowed to take the lead, or at least attempt to at that. Whilst getting stuck in your own head about it, the mystery boy's tongue swiped at your bottom lip asking for entrance. He tasted minty, which threw you off your thought process. Could it have been Minho? Perhaps he brushed his teeth before returning to the bedroom with the condoms? You let his tongue dance around yours, raising your hands to feel his hair in hopes that you could differentiate who this was.

Before feeling even one strand of hair your arms were pinned atop your head, and you could feel a grin press against your lips as if the man was saying “Nice try”. Frustrated, you wiggled underneath him, hoping perhaps you would be able to feel the shape of his body or even an article of clothing that the other two boys didn’t have. Whoever was on top of you didn’t like this action either, firmly pressing their hips against yours, earning a gasp of air in your lungs once you felt the warm bulge against you. 

A light moan escaped from mystery man #1’s lips due to the friction, though it wasn’t loud enough to hear a distinguished tone. You raised your hips again in hopes of hearing it again, though failed as whoever it was had used your lips as a distraction. Your bottom lip was sucked, and pulled between the teeth of your partner, a small yet painful sting that caused you to whine. 

“What happened to be gentle?” You scoffed, wiggling around in your blind position. 

The unkept hand of this man had pushed your face to the side, his lips placing soft kisses down your jaw onto your neck. “No marks.” You stated bluntly, one of the conditions you had placed when talking at the table. You trusted your makeup team’s talent but didn’t want to risk being scolded at work or causing a scandal just for a one-night stand with three of your costars. You could feel him pressing his bulge softly against your core, just barely feeling it from the distraction of his lips. You raised one of your legs that had laid flat on the bed next to him, using it to wrap around his waist and pull his lower half into yours.  

You could feel his lips shudder against the skin of your collarbone, his hand roughly gripping yours above your head. You could hide the smile that crept onto your lips, satisfied and slightly more confident in your position. You feel his body rise away from yours, the heat from his chest no longer radiating against yours while his hand lets yours go. Before you could use your hands, his fingers were brimming the hem of your shirt, gripping it and lifting it over your head, carefully to not undo the tie that blocked your vision. Before your shirt could even hit the floor your bra was pulled down, exposing your chest fully. 

You could hear a deep breath taken in on your right, one of the boys anxiously waiting for his turn. A wet, hot sensation flick across your nipple one you could only assume was a tongue. This caused your body to tense, and the wet feeling on your breast got hotter with his mouth wrapped fully around your nipple, teeth grazing it lightly. Shivers traveled down your spine, noticing this the mystery man deepened his movement, grinding into you as his teeth nibble at your nub. He bit and sucked relentlessly, not giving your body a break from the overstimulation as he simultaneously bucked his hips into yours.  

“Binnie.” You released a soft whisper from your lips, causing all movement to stop abruptly. “How did you know?” He asked from above you, his breath uneven and heavy. “You taste minty.” You started, gulping down a big breath before continuing. “You always carry gum on you, plus you didn’t eat dinner with us earlier. I also know how much of a tit’s guy you are.” You felt satisfied at your answer, sighing with a smile

His body raised from yours, the bed bouncing slightly as he stepped off of it. You felt cold from his absence, the way his body was emitting heat could save you so much money on home heating costs. Changbin asked which one of the boys was going next, to which you heard nothing but silence as the game would be ruined if either of them actually answered.

You had assumed Chan would be the next mystery man, based on how eager he looked like he wanted to start before you were blindfolded. You pictured him as a dominant type and felt excited about what was to come next. The bed dipped down again, the next boy coming to do who knows what to your body. You couldn’t feel a body towering over you, curious as to what this next person's plan was. You felt cold hands on your waist, causing you to tense up a bit as your leggings were rolled down past your hips, and eventually, each leg freed as well. 

Hands grabbed at yours, pulling you into a sitting position. He carefully wrapped his arms around your body, pulling you onto his lap as he sat on the edge of the bed. His cold fingers reached past your shoulders, pulling apart the clasp of your bra and letting it fall between you. You removed your arms, tossing the bra behind you before you were pulled down, fully straddling atop mystery man #2. He guides your hands to either side of where you assumed his head lay, giving them a squeeze as if he was telling you not to move them from that spot. 

Your breasts dangled over his chest, your ass pressed firmly into his groin with the help of his hands pressing you down. You could feel his body strain, his face meeting yours with a kiss that could have melted you if you weren’t straddling him. He kissed you softly like this for only a short amount of time before dragging the upper half of your body into his with his teeth pulling your lip. His hands refused to leave your ass, gripping at the bare skin and his nails leaving crescent marks. 

He guided your hips back and forth, making you grind against his clothed body while you felt the front of your panties getting more and more wet. Once you slowly continued the friction against him on your own, his hands traveled up your back and waist, caressing the skin before strongly gripping at your tits, squeezing them as if they were stress balls. This caused you to rut your hips forward, earning a deep groan from within the mystery man’s chest. 

He pulled your lips to his once more, his hand cupping your cheek as your tongues danced. He removes his hand from your chest, sliding it down the front of your body until he reached your core, feeling the damp cloth between his fingers. He pushes it aside, sliding a finger up your folds collecting your wetness before toying with your clit. Your fingers grasp at the blanket beneath you, a moan escaping from your lips into the mouth you were kissing. You had known how turned on you felt, but not how eager you wanted to be touched. 

He brought your attention back to him, slowly kissing you as he plays with your now throbbing clit. Small winces and gasps of pleasure erupt from you, making it difficult to pay attention to whichever man was beneath you. He kept up this pleasant torture for a minute longer before removing his fingers, bringing them up to his mouth to taste you. You breathed heavily, between the kissing and stimulation it left you feeling tired yet hopeful for more. Once he sucked his fingers clean, you knew who it was. He brought your lips to him, forcing you to taste yourself when his tongue pushed past into your mouth.  

“Are you enjoying yourself, Minho?” You questioned after breaking from the kiss.

“Mhmm” He answered, his hands returning to your ass and rutting his bulge into your now-soaked core.

He was unwavering with his movements, refusing to share with his friend even though you had already outed him. He let out a moan you could tell he was holding in for a while, unbothered by the other men in the room as he enjoyed himself. “Move it.” Could be heard from the foot of the bed, a voice you knew very well. “Now,” Chan added, his impatience growing as he watched Minho use you. 

Minho sighed, halting his movements from beneath you before rolling you off of him so he could stand. “C’mere.” You heard Chan demand, carefully crawling toward the end of the bed on your knees. He grabbed a hold of your hands once you got close enough, bringing your arms around his neck and pulling you close to his naked chest. You were unaware of when he took his shirt off but didn’t care much once he kissed you. Surprisingly he was the softest of the boys, his lips much larger than the other two, yet gentle and passionate rather than hungry. He was soft and sweet as his hands roamed your body, taking his time to enjoy your features rather than abuse them.

“Beautiful,” He whispered just barely loud enough for you to hear, and only for you to hear. This urged you to wrap yourself around him completely, your legs around his waist and your ankles joined together in an effort to close the gap between you. He gripped at your ass, pulling both sides and squeezing just hard enough for you both to enjoy. You internally questioned if the blindfold was still necessary, knowing he was the last one, but you kept the thought to yourself, loving the effect it had on the rest of your senses. 

Without so much as a hint or warning, Chan removed your limbs from around his body and pushed your chest so your back hit the mattress, no longer gentle. You made an audible ‘ugh’ as you fell against the plush blankets, your underwear being pulled off before you were able to notice his fingers gripping at the fabric. Chan spread your legs and called the other boys over, leaving you feeling very vulnerable and small. 

“Look at that pretty pussy,” He commented, once the other boys were able to stand next to him. “Does she taste good?” Changbin questioned Minho, who you assume nodded due to his silence. “Hyung, let me get a taste before you ravage her. Please?” Binnie practically begged, you could hear the sincere plead in his voice. 

Chan took a step away from you, keeping a hand on your leg as if making sure the others knew you were his at that moment. You knew how heated you were inside, however, starting the foreplay process three separate times must have made you soaked, hell you could have been dripping at this point. Binnie got close to your mound, feeling his hot breath against you made you shiver with anticipation. He placed a small peck on your core. “So pretty.” He muttered before licking you from bottom to top. You grabbed whatever you could find, probably a blanket and pillow from the way they felt, and clenched them hard, your knuckles white.

Changbin marveled at your reaction, regretting the fact that he got a taste and teased himself. You could hear Minho and Changbin shuffle back to the chair, Chan rubbing your legs and kneeling to the height of your bed. He pulls you by your ankles, your ass just barely hanging off the edge of the bed. He wastes no time bringing his mouth to your core, copying Changbin’s motion with his tongue before doing figure eights, trying to figure out which motion edges you on more. 

He doesn’t stop lapping at your cunt, pressing deeper every few moments to gauge which amount of pressure feels best. Once he reaches the perfect combo he grins, your legs trying to close around his head but failing due to his hands gripping your thighs. He groaned at the taste, and your reaction, the humming sensation bringing shivers down your spine and goosebumps all over your body. 

Chan removes a hand from your leg, bringing it down and separating your folds before inserting his middle finger into your sopping-wet entrance. Finally, someone had given you a bit of release from the tension building inside of you, causing your body to relax. He methodically pumps his digits into you, using the pulling motion that hits one of your sweet spots every time. Your back arches, giving him the push he needed that made him crave you more. He needed to feel you for himself, let your walls pulsate around him.

“Use me, baby,” He growled from between your legs. “Give it to me, let me taste how sweet you are when you cum.” He continued his actions at full speed, completely devouring you while adding fingers into your soaked hole. 

His words motivated you, reaching a hand down to his head and gripping his curly black hair. He groans softly, the heat from his breath adding fuel to the fire. His teeth scrape and nip at your clit while his tongue licks you clean. Chan eggs you on from below, digging into your leg with his nails. You feel the bubbling in your stomach, pressure rising and almost reaching max capacity. His fist almost forced itself into you along with the consistent lapping across your clit pushed you off of the edge, your walls convulsing around his fingers, the sweet essence soaking his fingers and dripping onto his tongue. 

He kept toying with you aggressively, making your high exponentially longer and deeper. You were barely able to catch your breath, seeing stars with your eyes clasped shut tightly. You felt like you were floating, the adrenaline and calming of your body embracing each other as Chan slowed his movements. He rubbed your legs soothingly, standing up as he overlooked your limp body with a satisfied grin on his face. He wiped his lips and chin with his forearm before unbuckling his belt.

“Look at me.” He demanded, his belt dropping to the floor. You used what strength you could muster up to remove Changbin’s tie from your eyes, blinking as the sensitive light made its way through. Once you had finally adjusted to the radiance of the bedroom your eyes met with Chan, his boxers still on to your surprise. His chest was heaving with deep breaths, his arms at his sides while he watched you regain your sight. He grinned, greeting you before grabbing your ankles and twisting you over onto your stomach. 

You looked back at him, his boxers dropping onto the floor along with the rest of his clothes. He hikes your hips up, forcing you onto your knees with your ass high in the air. The bed dips down as he kneels behind you, lazily rolling the condom down his dick with his eyes directed at your soaked core. You pull your arms from in front of you, using your elbows to prop your abdomen more level with the rest of your body. You feel his length against your ass, his arm reaching over you and pushing your head forcefully into the blankets. 

“Stay just like that for me, princess.” His new pet name for you relinquishes any defiance from within you, doing exactly as you are told.

He taps his throbbing tip against your clit, causing you to jump forward a bit, to which he pulls your hips back with force. He smothers his cock with your essence, natural lubrification at its finest. He presses himself against your entrance, audibly sighing as your walls engulf him. He pushes in slowly, deepening himself within you while stretching you out. 

“That’s my good girl, taking it so well.” The pain mixes with pleasure as he bottoms out, your chest finally bringing in the air you didn’t know you were holding in. 

He doesn’t waste any time, picking up speed as he thrust into you gently. You ball your hands into fists, pressure building back into your body. Chan grips your ass, pulling it and squeezing it as he forcefully pushes into you. Your body tenses, involuntarily pushing your hips into him with every thrust. He groans as you fuck yourself with his length, his head dropping back with pleasure. 

“Hyung,” You hear from the corner of the room, looking over to find a very flustered Changbin, his hand palming his dick through his pants. “Take her front,” Chan replies, not even looking over at the other boys. 

Minho is sitting in the chair, elbows on his knees as he watches you get pummeled from behind, analyzing you. “Be nice to him, Princess, he’s been waiting for this day for quite some time.” You groan as Chan demands this of you, his movement slowing in order for Binnie to situate himself in front of you. You respond with a simple ‘Yes, sir.’. He wastes no time, not even removing his clothing before sitting on the bed in front of you. He lowers his pants and boxers down just below his mid-thigh, his back and head resting against the headboard. 

You lift your head to make direct eye contact with him, seeing his throbbing length in your peripheral. He grabs at it, stroking it for just a moment before guiding it into your mouth. You parted your lips, opening your mouth just wide enough to take him. Whereas the other boys had length, Binnie had the girth too- you knew this would be a wild ride. 

Chan pounds into your cunt from behind, causing you to jolt forward with your mouth open to a full ‘O’. Changbin takes advantage of this, pulling your head down onto his cock and breathing in sharply once you’ve made contact. You’ve just barely got the first two inches in your mouth before you feel his width press against your throat. Chan thrusts into you relentlessly from the back, you feel him getting sloppier but greedier for more as he starts nearing his high. You stabilize your hips as much as possible for him while Bin pushes deeper into your throat, stretching you as you gag making him shiver with pleasure. Chan pulls back an arm, slapping your ass harshly as he delivers the last of his blows. He moans deeply from his chest, your hole milking him of all he’s worth. He thrusts slowly and lazily, riding out his high with his hands still gripped on your hips. He pulls out slowly as Bin lightly ruts his hips up into you, his seed hanging from the condom. You feel an immediate absence, the heat and pressure subsiding.  

“Think you can take it all, pretty girl?” Changbin questions you, pulling his dick out of your mouth to allow you to answer. You swallow lightly once he’s pulled away, wincing at the soreness that he caused by stretching you.

“I can try,” You answer him, your voice raspy. He pushes you forward by your shoulders gently, breaking free from his spot in front of you.

He lays you flat against the bed, your face dangling off of the edge of the bed. You make eye contact with Chan who is now the occupant of the chair, only in his unbuttoned pants with a fucked out, post-nut clarity look on his face. Changbin clears your view of Chan, stepping in front of you and letting his pants fall to the ground. He pulls his shirt from his arms, revealing his incredibly toned chest and arms. The bed is at the perfect height for him, his dick perfectly aligned with your upside-down head.

He slaps his length across your face without warning, a gasp leaving your chest before he shoves himself into your throat once more. You almost choke on him, unprepared to take so much of his cock all at once. He pulls out, leaving the tip still in your mouth, letting his spit fall onto his length as you used your tongue to swirl him, running it across his split. He pushes back into your mouth and watches as your neck bulges with him inside. 

You hear shuffling around the room, drawers being opened and closed, and footsteps eagerly walking around until the bed dips down under your legs. You aren’t able to lift your head to see what was happening, Binnie picking up his speed with your throat, making you gag every once in a while. Your legs were shoved open wide, a buzzing object shoved into your still dripping cunt. You would have screamed if not for Changbin’s dick in your mouth, so you only let out a muffled moan that caused him to shudder in pleasure from the vibration. Your toes curled at the object being pushed in and pulled inside of you, whining as the sensation of pressure returned to your body. 

“What do you think, Min?” Changbin starts speaking breathlessly, pausing just for a moment before continuing. “Think she’ll be able to swallow?” You could hear the grin as he spoke, using your face as his own personal fuck doll. 

“If she’s not too overstimulated.” Minho replies, to which you realize he is the one behind the vibrator teasing you. He pulls it from inside of you, placing it on your clit with makes your whole body squirm. 

You whine and groan with Binnie lodged deep in your throat, causing his dick to twitch with pleasure. He grunts, his high approaching fast as you send vibrations up his length. You try your hand at forcing your throat to swallow, attempting to contract and close up around his dick. He lets out a small groan while you’re still being teased, tears occupying your tearline from the intense face fuck and complete overstimulation. He shoots cum down your throat, so deep into you that you have no choice but to swallow. 

You pucker your lips, sucking him as he starts pulling out of your mouth, claiming any last drop of his seed. He sucks in a breath, his teeth biting at his lip once he’s fully pulled out. You’re still squirming at this point, Minho toying with you sadistically while you catch your breath. You push your heels into the bed, trying your hardest to get away from how high the vibrations are set. Though to no avail, he pulls you even closer to him by your ankles, knees dangling off the bed as he’s propped over you with his face closing the distance with yours.

“You made her cry,” He whispers, looking up at Changbin with only his eyes before wiping away the few tears pooled above your cheekbones. “What do you want from me?” Minho asks you softly, his eyes darting all over your upperbody viewing the miscellaneous marks and red areas where the other boys weren’t quite gentle. Your lips were so swollen from all the kisses and facefucking- along with your throat, that it hurt to talk. 

“Just let me cum one more time, please you muttered oh so quietly, your body completely fucked out but still edged on for more. Minho nods, his thin straight hair bouncing. “Only once?” He teases, grabbing the vibrating toy once more and pressing it firmly against your clit. You tense underneath him, wrapping your arms around his neck as his breath brings goosebumps to the skin across your chest. He nips at your nipple, pulling away slowly to watch you squirm beneath him. He moves the toy in a circular motion, hitting all of the right spots that bring you that little bit closer to release. He uses his propped arm to bring your face close to him, kissing your forehead gently and letting you pull yourself into him. 

He leads you on, bringing you so fucking close to your high that you feel your fingers go numb before he rips the toy away from your cunt and turns it off, a sadistic grin on his face. You pull away from him, a death glare on your face, mentally telling him to eat shit and die as you’re edged. 

“I’m not done with you yet, just hold out a little longer.” He whispers into your ear, tossing the toy across the bed and unbuttoning his jeans. You grab the hem of his shirt, attempting to pull it over his head, which he eventually lets you do once his pants are dropped to the ground. You catch a glimpse of his bulge, practically suffocating within his boxer briefs. 

He slides a finger underneath the waistband of his underwear, pulling them down and kicking them off while simultaneously pushing you further into the middle of the bed. You analyze his movements while he prepares, he moves slow and calculated with bright flames of lust creeping from his eyes. He keeps you on your back, guiding your legs to wrap around his waist with his hands. He knows you are exhausted, fucked out, and completely used but he still needs his release. He doesn’t waste much time, ripping the corner tab off of a condom and pulling it from the package. You take it from his hands, surprising him as you gently roll it down his length. 

He closes his eyes and breathes just a bit heavier at the contact, eventually opening them once you’ve rolled it to his base. He brings an arm from above, lowering his digits onto your lips, pushing his way through to gather spit. He rubs it on his now-protected dick before pushing himself into you with no hesitation. Your legs squeeze around him tight, fingers digging into his shoulder blades at the unexpected impact. Minho lets out a growling moan, stilling his motions while he feels all of you. Chan and Changbin have left the room at this point, one of them running the faucet in the bathroom and the other somewhere else in the house. 

The intimacy of just the two of you feels nice, rather than feeling like you were putting on a show you feel able to relax your mind and just enjoy everything. Minho starts pumping into you, subtle but impacted blows that have you both groaning. He pulls you into a kiss, gripping at your throat while rutting his hips into you until reaching your hilt. His groans turn into whines, his powerful demeanor starting to fade as he feels the pleasure of your walls pulling him in. 

He kisses you softly, though his thrusts get heavier, jolting your body and causing your tits to bounce underneath him. He takes his hand from your throat, palming at your breast and squeezing moderately hard, squelching noises from your wet and used core filling the room. You remove an arm from his shoulders, reaching over for the toy he threw somewhere behind you. Once locating it, you place it firmly on your clit, making sure it was low enough for him to feel the vibrations as well. 

He moans into your mouth, breathing heavily as he pumps into you. The vibrations make you shiver beneath him, the pressure and friction inside of you harmoniously joined with the stimulation of your clit bringing the pressure back into your stomach. Your rugged, beaten walls flit and contract against Minho’s cock, helping you feel every vein and curvature as he fucks you. You start whispering his name, pleading for more as your toes curl and heels dig into his lower back. 

“Now,” Minho grunts, having trouble pounding into you with your walls squeezing his length so tight. “Now, my love.” He whispers into your neck, trying as hard as he can to wait for you to reach your climax. And you succeed, happily as he moans atop of you loud enough for the whole neighborhood to hear. “Fuck, Y/N.” He mutters, getting in his last few thrusts in before blowing his load. You’re mumbling incoherent words at this point, blinded by the blurry vision of your high, your body melted into the bed, muscles so weak you’re no longer able to wrap your limbs around him. Once he’s completely finished, he holds his position on top of you, resting his head on your chest to try and catch his breath and his dick softens and twitches inside of you. 

You hear Bin and Chan come back into the room, Minho looking up at them and speaking words you couldn’t even hear due to the 4th or 5th orgasm you had in the last two hours. Your body is so tired and fucked out, you barely notice him pull out of you and put his underwear back on. Your chest is still rising with heavy breaths, starting to find its natural rhythm after a few more moments. You felt like you were floating, being carried almost. Who knows, you very well could have been but your eyes and body had succumbed to the exhaustion, no longer functioning regularly. 

The three boys tended to you carefully, cleaning you up as best they could from top to bottom before dressing you in some of Minho’s clean clothes. You awoke that night in bed, the bright clock on the nightstand reading 3:05 AM. Chan was behind you, his arms wrapped around your body while Minho was in front of you, your faces so close together you were breathing each other's air. You hear shuffling, leaning over to look toward the doorway carefully in order to not wake the sleeping men beside you. Binnie walks into the room with a bowl of cereal, jolting back once he notices your eyes on him. 

“Oh, you’re awake.” He whispers with a smile you can just barely see from the light of the clock. “Want a late-night snack?”

#skz #stray kids #skz stray kids #bystay #bang chan #christopher bang #skz bang chan #skz changbin #seo changbin #lee know #minho #lee minho #skz lee know #skz fan fic #skz fan fiction #stray kids fan fic #stray kids fan fiction #smut

[jamiebluewind]

My friend @winterpower98 is going to school to become an ASL interpreter, so we've been practicing together for a few months. I mostly just checked her signing and didn't sign myself because I was slower and didn't want to take up her valuable practice time clumsily trying to sign. Still, I intend to learn if for nothing else than having a way to communicate when I had a migraine.

Then I got sick.

I'm honestly not sure what's wrong with me, but in early January, I got a bad cough, asthma issues, and other various NASTY symptoms (leaving out to not get too tmi). The symptoms got worse quickly and I ended up at doctors and urgent cares and ERs. They found that I didn't have any of the major contagious things, but still my lungs were crap, my voice was nearly gone (just a whisper), and I was badly malnourished and dehydrated. One very scary phone call from a relative and two days of forcing my raw voice to work well enough to talk to police and relatives later, I lost my voice completely (save for little squeaks and rumbles). That was six weeks ago.

Winter and I didn't practice ASL the first two or three weeks I was sick (and I was honestly in no shape to do it anyway). Being mute was... okay at first. Annoying but manageable. But then as time went on, it got ROUGH. Being trapped in my own head and unable to convey things in real time took a toll on my mental health that I honestly wasn't expecting. Imaging being unable to even laugh or make frustrated noises or make sounds when you're crying hard and having a panic attack? It was hell! I couldn't got to therapy, see a doctor by myself (had to write a script for whomever came with me), contact services and doctors that didn't have messaging/email (they'd call back anyway despite me saying that I was completely unable to talk), tell people what I needed during a panic attack or sensory overload, or get my intrusive thoughts out (I say the out loud and work through them to see they aren't logical). When one doctor got really frustrated with me and proceeded to insult and lecture me for a solid 30 minutes (in front of my other friend who got very close to losing her temper), there was no way to report it because I had to CALL to place a complaint. I was limited to typing on my phone when I needed to communicate and even THAT was slow and not always possible (can't type during a coughing fit or if I had to leave my phone charging). Getting people's attention to notice me or read a message was also difficult, so I had to sit quietly AND patiently AND ignored so much of the time that I eventually broke down crying.

Eventually, I started doing a little ASL again. I wasn't expecting how hard it would be to sign things when I had only watched before. My movements were slow and clunky, sometimes I did the wrong sign, and I could only "talk" to one person, but the growing pains were worth the feeling of ACTUALLY communicating again. It's only been a few weeks, but I can already express my emotions/frustration and convey simple concepts during a conversation (instead of typing and having the conversation move on before I finish or just not feeling like my words were worth the effort on top of breaking the flow of a conversation). Yesterday, my bestie/roommate decided to start practicing the ASL alphabet and asked for a list of words I used the most so she could understand me too.

ASL has giving me back some of my autonomy. With a few signs and some finderspelling, I was able to tell Winter that I needed to eat, wanted leftovers, there was a bowl in the fridge, and to please add water (easier to swallow with my irritated throat). I can ask how people are, tell them how I'm doing, or just be a little goofy because I want to (like quoting NADDPOD and telling my friends "fuck you, I love you, eat a rat").

While being unable to talk for 6 weeks (and limited a bit before that) is nothing compared to the experiences of the deaf/Deaf, mute, and nonverbal communities, it made me realize how hard it is to navigate the world when your speech is impaired. It also made me develop a new appreciation for ASL. Originally, learning ASL was a novelty to me that might come in handy when I had a hemiplegic migraine (makes it hard to talk), but it was mostly to help Winter in her studies. Now it just feels... important. Like something more people should learn, be aware of, and accomodate for.

Tldr; Being unable to talk for over 6 weeks (and probably many more weeks after that) made me realize how important being able to communicate is to mental health, how society is not made to accomodate people with limited to no verbal communication ability, why learning ASL is so important, some of the struggles that people with limited to no verbal communication go through, and the fact that I am privileged in a way that I've never considered before.

#sick #sickness #temporarily mute #mute #asl #american sign language #paradigm shift #asthma #isolation #storytime #bluewind talks #sometimes I go nonverbal or get a hemiplegic migraine that makes it difficult to talk #but that's only for a few hours to a couple days #I've also had a constant woo woo throbbing sound in my left ear for years but that's just a thing #what I go through is NOTHING compared to the deaf/Deaf and mute and nonverbal communities #I have other things that require accomodations (like autism and left side weakness) so I ABSOLUTELY know how important they are #I wish this world was more accomodating for all of us #long post #rambles

[notabled-noodle]

Do you have any tips on how to make phone calls for someone with social anxiety and autism? Or how to ask people to contact you via email? I always get very nervous and then forget to mention/ask something important, especially if it's a question that i couldn't prepare in advance, so something that comes up during the call but i don't notice until later

I have a couple, but honestly phone calls are hell for me too. nine times out of ten, I get my older sister to make my phone calls for me, but that is equally stressful and often a disaster.

make the phone call in a room where you are less likely to get distracted. the middle of the lounge room while there are people and pets and whatever else is not the right place

have a pen and paper with you for the entirety of the phone call, and take notes where needed. don't be afraid to get them to repeat something if you missed it

a degree of scripting can help, but you're right in that it can throw you off if they hit you with something you couldn't prepare for in advance

at the end of the phone call, say something along the lines of "is it possible for future interactions to happen over email?". you don't need to tell them why, and the worst thing that can happen is that they say no. it really is worth asking in a direct way

if you need to pace in order to concentrate, do that. if you need to close your eyes in order to listen, do that. nobody can see you. behave in whatever ways help you to pay attention to the phone

that's all I can think of at the moment. it can also help to practice with highly structured phone conversations (e.g. ordering a pizza), and then work your way up from there.

good luck, and I hope this helped!

#asks #phone anxiety

[lily-blue]

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☆ characters: radio dj!woong & script writer!you ☆ genre: secret admirer au, college au, fluff, angst ☆ summary: it’s a story about a popular boy who has a secret admirer - except that you’re not the one who mustered up the courage to put her feelings in words ☆ words: 13,5k ☆ also: i’d like to dedicate this story to @dat-town ♥ merry christmas, love! 🎄 ☆ taglist: @soobin-chois

Fridays were the most tiring days of the spring semester, but Woong wouldn’t have had them any other way even if he could have changed his morning seminar to an afternoon one or had a long enough break between his classes around lunchtime to eat at any other restaurant than the ramen place he was unhealthily frequent at. What if he had changed one unpleasant thing in his day and all the good ones had gotten altered too? 

Listening to his professor’s lifeless voice at 9AM while he was talking about music theory might have been draining, but Woong usually sat right in front of you and there were only a few more entertaining phenomena on campus than your bickering with Woojin. He genuinely doubted the two of you were aware of how loud you could be, but he didn’t intend to enlighten either of you. His mornings would have been definitely duller without you two and your ridiculously creative ways to put your friend back in his place without cursing.

The highlight of his ridiculously short lunch break was Donghyun who had dance practice those mornings, which meant he always ate his entire body weight in chicken ramen while Woong slurped on his large bowl of beef ramen, giggly. Their conversations were diverse, but somehow, Woojin and you always came up in them in the most random ways. Like last Friday when you had been late from your morning class and rushed into the auditorium in pink pajama pants. It had been a story too fun to not share until Donghyun had told him it had been his fault that you had overslept. He hadn’t known you were the type of person who offered emotional support video calls to her friends when they needed someone to keep them on track while working on an assignment, but somehow it hadn’t surprised him that much. He was convinced you didn’t have a single mean bone in your body.

Stretching his sore body while waiting for your late night brainstorming session to continue (then finally end), Woong read through the script draft you had given him and Daehwi before you had left for the bathroom. It wasn’t finalized yet, only containing the outline of Tuesday’s radio show and a few ideas for the monthly special segment, but it was well written and neat as always. One look at it was enough for him to know you had worked hard to save as much time for the three of you as possible. He was hopeful you would all be able to leave the studio around 11PM.

Woong’s eyes widened in surprise and a silent oh sound fell from his lips when he noticed a pastel yellow envelope among the disorganized sheets of paper. His gaze strayed towards his co-host’s pile, but he saw no suspicious letter in front of Daehwi.

‘Hey, did anyone come into the studio while I was at the toilet?’ He asked although he knew it was ridiculous. It was already past the last lecture because the boy next to him was unlucky enough to attend Mr. Choi’s Microeconomic Theory I. instead of Mr. Nam’s, so it was very unlikely that random students wandered around the building. Not to mention that you would have been royally screwed if anything had happened to the studio’s equipment, so one of you always stayed in the room even if you all needed a restroom break.

There was no way someone had sneaked inside to slip this letter in his script.

‘No. I was on the phone with Hyewon, but I’d have seen if someone had walked in that door,’ the younger boy said before his gaze shifted from Woong’s pouty face to the envelope in his hands. ‘Why?’

The older boy looked down at the letter, too, and shrugged. He wasn’t sure whether he should have read it in private or he was allowed to open it in front of his friend, but he was intrigued; he was more curious than worried or scared.

So he sucked in his lower lip and picked the seal flap’s edge open, bewitched by the flowery scent of the paper the envelope hid.

Despite his rather naive personality - his friends never failed to jump on the opportunity when they could call him out on his childlike innocence -, Woong knew it was a love letter even before he took the paper in his hands and his gaze fell on the printed letters.

His secret admirer addressed him with a cute nickname and made a list of those things they liked about him - things he would have never thought anyone could have found attractive -, then finished the message with a promise of future letters. There was nothing that could have indicated who had liked him so much, which was disappointing. His only clue was the fact that they listened to the uni radio because that was only available on campus.

‘Do I wanna know?’ Daehwi asked, making Woong realize that he might have been sulking a bit too visibly. Should he have shown the letter to him in case he recognized the writing style or something? The thought made him blush furiously. The letter’s content was too personal; he didn’t want to give him a reason to tease him, either.

‘Nah, it’s noth–’

‘I’m sorry it took so long,’ you tore the door open with an apologetic smile, drawing both of their attention to you effortlessly. Your clothes were disheveled and your hair fell into your face in a couple of messy locks. Still, you looked pretty with your loose ponytail and rosy cheeks (at least, to Woong). ‘I had to run up to the fourth floor for these, but I brought one for each of you,’ you explained with theatrical hand gestures, careful not to shake the energy drinks up too much.

‘Thanks, you’re a lifesaver,’ Daehwi exclaimed, reaching for the grape flavored drink while you slid the mango one towards the other boy.

‘Sorry, I couldn’t find your favorite. But I saw you yawning while we were reading through the listeners’ messages, so drink it up. There’s no way we can finish this up in time with just Daehwi,’ you shot a playful albeit apologetic smile in Woong’s way, making the boy wonder whether your kindness towards him was strictly platonic or you had something to do with the letter he had found in his script.

Could you have been in love with him?

Honestly, he had never thought of you as more than a friend’s close friend who also happened to be his coworker at the uni radio. You were nice and funny - and undoubtedly pretty -, but despite your friendship with Donghyun, you had never initiated any conversations with him outside of the studio when it wasn’t related to the show. Obviously, you didn’t turn him down when he walked up to you to talk about something else, but those conversations were so brief, Woong often wondered whether he could have ever gotten to know the real you; the you you were outside of the studio.

Seeing your furrowed eyebrows and the worry in your eyes, Woong’s gaze fell on the mango energy drink as well. Since when had he been fidgeting with the can so absentmindedly? He cleared his throat and opened the drink before you could have thought he hated your choice. It really didn’t matter that much whether it was his favorite or not.

‘Mango is good. Thanks,’ he reassured you and you acknowledged his answer with a relieved sigh and a smile that for the first time since he knew you, did something to the boy’s heart; it made it beat quicker while his chest and ears got super warm.

Woong realized he was in trouble when he had a hard time paying attention to what you were saying because he was too focused on how pleasant your voice sounded to his ears; then he knew it for sure when he started to come up with hopeful yet illogical reasons why it couldn’t have been anyone else but you who had left that envelope in his script.

You knew both Daehwi and Woong were popular on Seoul National grounds. They were not only amazing singers, but their show focused on their listeners instead of campus gossip, so they earned brownie points left and right with their caring side, detailed advice on personal matters, and dorky sense of humor. Girls wanted to date them; guys wished to be their friends, so they could have stood under the same spotlight. While you…

You also daydreamed about meaning a bit more to Woong than a hard-working script writer he could rely on, but accepted the role you had in their life. Being close, but not close enough meant you weren’t a real treat to their fans. You might have doubted anyone would have slid into your dms or gotten your number somehow just to threaten you and ask you to leave the boys alone, but one could have never known with people.

‘You’re doing it again,’ Woojin pointed out while he turned on his laptop and opened a new, empty document for the lecture that made no sense to you. You preferred sticking to the same one throughout the semester, but he was his own person, so you never really teased him for it openly. You teased him for a bunch of other things anyway.

‘Doing what?’ You raised a brow in question, slowly turning your head back ahead. You had two lectures in total that you shared with Jeon Woong and this one (un)fortunately wasn’t the one where he sat right in front of you. As you were watching him chatting with his friends, you let out a dreamy sigh.

‘Drooling,’ he said with an unamused click of his tongue that earned him a scoff and a light punch in the shoulder. While you were a firm believer that violence should have never been the answer to anything, especially to insults where one’s emotions were already heightened or out of control, your best friend had a way with words that made it easy to throw your morals out the window. (Though, if anyone had asked Woojin, he would have said your punches were as good as being hit with cotton candy. Your noodle arms could hurt no one.)

You wished you could have been as brave as those girls who gathered around the boy’s desk in the second row. You would have loved to talk to him in breaks, too, but your nerves got the best of you whenever you were around him and there wasn’t a safe, fixed topic to discuss like during your meetings where you talked about your ideas for their next show or the success of the previous one.

‘Why don’t you ask him to be your partner for the group project?’ Woojin suggested plainly, reminding you of your professor’s last email and the upcoming presentations you wished you could have replaced with a written exam.

‘Duh, because we do every group project together,’ you retorted, feigning annoyance since he should have known better than anyone that you would have never considered pairing up with anybody else until he was in the same class. You two were a well-functioning duo from the get-go; working with Woojin was not only comfortable for you, but efficient, too. He brought the best out of your procrastinating ass, while you made sure he didn’t forget to eat or drink once he immersed himself in studying.

‘Not this one, snowflake. Donghyun already asked me,’ Woojin told you, the look of betrayal on your face painting a guilty frown on his own. The mere fact that he called you by your nickname was telling. You knew he felt bad about the situation, but you were also aware that he wouldn’t have chosen your other friend over you if he hadn’t thought it was for the better. Which also meant that you wouldn’t be able to convince him to take you back with your sad eyes and pouty lips. ‘Look, I’m an introvert. You’re also an introvert. Interviewing random students together would be a disaster,’ he reasoned, making an excellent point.

There was no way you could have interviewed twenty students in a single week and written a detailed analysis on it with your social battery dying. You needed someone who could easily walk up to strangers, helping you out with the first phase of your project. And that someone clearly wasn’t your best friend.

You let out a disappointed sigh and created a new headline for your upcoming lecture, jotting down the topic you knew you would discuss and the current date.

‘So you took away my only other friend in this class,’ you complained, pondering whether you should have actively searched for a partner or you should have waited until someone came up to you. Arg! You should have made more friends during orientation week last year. It would have made everything a lot easier if only you had remembered a few names at least. Was the petite, blonde girl beside you Miyeon or Miyoung? Should you have asked the guy in the first row who only ever spoke up during classes when Mr. Jung involved him in the obligatory discussions?

‘Ask Woong!’ Woojin suggested, his voice so nonchalant it made you wonder whether he had ever paid attention to you when Woong was around. Your small voice, shy smiles, and warm cheeks should have been telltale signs that you were a lost case when it came to the boy. With your tendency to leave your assignments last minute, you would have avoided him until you had barely a day left to finish everything.

You saw your professor walk into the lecture hall moments before the cute exchange student from Europe tapped on Woong’s shoulder, your heart sinking into your stomach when her pretty smile turned upside down right in front of your eyes. There was no way you could have asked him to be your partner. He either had one already or he had someone in mind because otherwise he would have never turned her down so quickly. You had once seen him giving a campus tour to a freshman despite how frequently he himself got lost between the buildings just because he couldn’t have said no to someone in need. He had to have a good reason why he had rejected her before she could have talked him into teaming up with her. A reason you had nothing to go against.

For the next one and a half hour, you locked this problem in the back of your mind and didn’t stress over it until your professor dismissed the class and the girl on your left started to shove her things into her backpack. You had seconds to address her or your chance to team up with her was out the window and you couldn’t have afforded that. 

‘Hey,’ you blurted out the exact same moment she said:

‘I heard you still need a partner. Would you like to work with me?’

If you had been one of those cool anime characters you liked so much, an entire mountain of weight would have been lifted off your chest as you processed her question. Smile beaming, it was almost embarrassing how quickly you jumped on the opportunity.

‘I’d love that!’ You said, enjoying how effortlessly she took charge of the situation when she introduced herself as Miyoung and shoved her phone into your hands, so that you could have added yourself on her kakao.

It soon turned out that while you had an empty period before your Music, Social Life, and Scenes class, she had piano practice on another floor, hence you bid your goodbyes quickly and promised to contact each other about the details in a couple of hours, which was… already a lot better than you had expected. Maybe, Miyoung would be able to motivate you to do your job, too, and it wasn’t only a Woojin thing. You were definitely hopeful.

Since your best friend wanted to write a brief draft of those questions Donghyun could have asked from the students they would interview, you told him you would kill some time in your go-to coffee shop before you joined them in the library, then promised to buy him a latte and a ham and cheese croissant in case the other boy didn’t need anything. As a broke uni student who majored in music with a pedagogy minor, there had to be a limit to your generosity, too. You couldn’t have spent all of your allowance on textbooks and your friends. 

You were already in the corridor when someone called your name, the husky tone embracing you with familiarity despite the breathlessness in the syllables.

You slowed down your steps, then stopped entirely.

‘You’re fast,’ Woong stated with a warm smile, trying to catch his breath with his hands on his knees. You furrowed your brows, unsure whether you had forgotten an important promise or a meeting and that was why he tried to hunt you down. ‘I was thinking… would you like to work on the group project together? I heard Donghyun paired up with Woojin, so we’re both partner-less…’

If Woong said anything else, you didn’t hear it. Your surprise completely overwhelmed your senses and by the time you were pulled back to reality, he was already looking at you with his pretty, hazelnut eyes.

There was an itchy knot in your throat that made it hard to speak, but you swallowed it with an awkward smile and wrapped your slim fingers around the strap of your bag to ground your messy thoughts. You didn’t want them to wander in case you had this one chance to tell him how you would have gladly been his partner if only you hadn’t been such a coward and asked someone else to play it safe.

In your defense, you had no idea Woong wanted to work with you of all people. He had never shown any interest in you academically and the two of you barely interacted outside of the studio. Even when you did, your friends were always there to fill the silence.

‘It’s really nice of you, but I already found a partner. I’m sorry. If I knew…’ you rambled, the need to come up with as many excuses as possible within the shortest period of time turning your sentences into a slurred monologue.

‘Nah, it’s okay,’ he cut you off with a reassuring smile, but while his voice sounded stable and unbothered, his body language seemed off and his eyes looked disappointed. He put too much effort into brushing aside your apologies; his exaggerated waves and playful eye rolls felt insincere, which made you worried.

You would have never thought you had the courage to hang out with Woong just for the sake of it without your friends as they were your safety net, let alone propose a friendly date with him, but as you kept your eyes on his face, something inside of you begged you to open your mouth and force those words through your teeth. 

‘I’m on my way to ABNEW. Would you like to join?’ You asked, mentally preparing yourself for a rejection while your heart was simultaneously yearning for a positive reaction.

You told yourself that you wouldn’t be disappointed even if he turned you down, because you had asked him about the campus coffee shop to make up for already pairing up with someone else. If he didn’t want to or couldn’t join you, that might have meant he was fine without your company as well, which should have been a relief.

However, when he agreed to spend his free period with you, you couldn’t stop grinning like a madwoman. It was embarrassing, how happy this sudden turn of events made you feel when an hour ago you had been adamant that you couldn’t have uttered a coherent sentence in his company, not with his attention focused solely on you.

Arriving at the shop, it turned out that you had been wrong. Sure, it took a couple of minutes, but eventually, you were able to calm your nerves with your cinnamon latte in your hands. You even brought up topics the two of you had never talked about before: your obsession with oat milk, the chinese drama you were currently watching, and your dream to work for Arirang. It was nice: letting him get familiar with more sides of you and getting to know him better in return.

The more time Woong spent with you in your natural habitat, that didn’t include your shared classes or the studio, the more sure he became that you were his secret admirer. It was because of those subtle signs - signs that you might have liked him more than a friend - that he hadn’t noticed before, but couldn’t overlook anymore. Like how he always had a piece of your attention even when you were talking or listening to someone else; how you knew his favorite snacks, drinks, and comfort food by heart and surprised him with them when he was lacking energy or motivation; how your cheeks dressed into the prettiest shade of pink when he prioritized you and your needs.

However, just because Woong knew he wanted to give you a chance and see whether the two of you could have worked as a couple, too, it didn’t mean he had the slightest idea how to approach you about the letter. He didn’t want to push you too much in case you weren’t ready to confess; you had put a lot of effort into making sure it remained anonymous after all. But it slowly started to frustrate him that he couldn’t claim the seat beside you during lunch break when your other friends were around or that he couldn’t hold your hand just because he felt like making you blush without said friends giving him weird glances.

‘Jangjun, Daehwi, and Seungyoun said I should keep the blonde, but Woojin, Donghyun, and my mom voted for my natural hair color. Clearly, I’m in desperate need of your opinion,’ the boy said between two bites of pepperoni pizza while he also tried to make you smile with his dramatics.

‘I don’t know. Should I be offended that you’ve already asked everybody else?’ You asked in a playful manner, a lot more comfortable around him than you had been a couple of weeks ago. It was fascinating to see the small changes in your behavior the less eagerly you hid your personality behind your thick walls. You were still one of the nicest people Woong had ever met, but you were also witty and your tongue was sharp when you felt cornered.

Woong swallowed the food in his mouth and tilted his head to the right, observing your soft features to make sure there wasn’t a single pinch of real hurt in your eyes. The jalapeno slices on your pizza might have been a bit too spicy for you, but otherwise, you seemed fine.

‘Why should you? Your vote will decide my next hair color,’ he retorted with a mischievous smile that got wider upon seeing your sauce-coated, pouty lips. He giggled at the funny sight, but gave you a napkin before anyone else could have noticed what a messy eater you were.

‘Fine.’ You took the napkin from him and wiped your lips and chin to make sure all the dirt was gone before you reached for your coke and refreshed yourself with the bubbly beverage. ‘I think you should go for your natural hair color. Don’t get me wrong, your blonde hair looks so fluffy I’m sure it’s a lot silkier than mine. Like seriously, you need to share your haircare routine with me before I do something crazy and chop off my dry hair with a kitchen knife…’ you rambled, getting lost in the details like you often did these days: a cute habit of yours that might have been as old as time, but was still new to Woong. He had yet to figure out whether you did it when you were super nervous or when you were enthusiastic about something. Considering the topic, he hoped it was the latter. ‘What I really want to say is… you look like a fairy like this and it’s so pretty, but there’s something in the way your natural hair color highlights your warmth as a person. It makes you look more approachable: less otherworldly, but still handsome.’

Objectively speaking, Woong was well aware that he was attractive; people around him made it pretty obvious with the way they treated him. However, hearing it from you felt different. Your words had more weight and fell from your lips more genuinely. They filled his heart, but left holes in his chest that made him yearn for more. He wanted you to compliment other aspects of his being, too, not just his looks.

Although he was curious whether you had anything else to say, the boy couldn’t get over the fact that you called him a fairy just like his secret admirer had done in that letter. Your unique choice of word fed his certainty; he might have had strong assumptions before, but now he was outright convinced that you looked at him as a potential lover, too. 

And this was all he needed to put down the pizza slice he was munching on and demand your full attention with the prettiest, most hopeful smile he could have mustered.

‘Would you like to go on a date with me?’ He asked with his heart pulsing in his entire body. Woong liked to think he was an expert in social interactions - he had managed to befriend his Math teacher as a freshman high school student and had a pretty smooth three years with him while his classmates couldn’t have stopped complaining about his hardcore exams and unfair grading -, but he had never asked out anyone, nor had he had a crush on a friend, therefore he was a tad bit nervous.

‘What?’

Scratch that… one glance at your furrowed eyebrows, parted lips, and bewildered eyes was enough to make him super nervous. Had he misinterpreted the signs? That wasn’t an option. You were quite literally a blushing, stuttering mess at arm’s length. You were clearly affected by his question and the concept of a date with him. He couldn’t have given up so soon when there was a chance you were just shy.

‘A date. Just us. We could watch a movie or check out that fancy dessert place where you can decorate your own cakes,’ the blonde boy suggested, promising himself that he would accept your decision with an encouraging smile whether you rejected him or not. He also promised himself that he would do everything in his power to make sure this wouldn’t have a negative impact on your friendship. You were too important to lose.

‘I…’ you spoke up a bit unsure, slim fingers drumming on the edge of your half-empty glass of coke. You avoided Woong’s eyes, but he knew you didn’t do it to hurt him or imply your decision. Instead, you needed time to find your voice and he was more than okay with giving you as much as could soothe your nerves. ‘Both sound pretty nice. I’d love to go on a date like that… with you,’ you mumbled, quiet but sure in the way you slowly lifted your head and looked him in the eye.

You had no idea how happy you made Woong at that moment.

‘Cool,’ he claimed with a nod before he reached for his half-eaten pizza slice and took a huge bite from it, humming around the thin pasta, cheese, and pepperoni like a giddy child.

That afternoon, you chose a day for your first date and eased the pressure of expectations it put on you with childish banters, like when you told him you refused to match your outfit with his, yet he was hellbent on how couples who did that were cute.

You called Woong a menace so softly, it almost felt like a nickname, and whined because the idea of people staring at your couple outfit made you feel uncomfortable, which the boy understood and was willing to respect. Because regardless of Woong’s overzealous reasoning, you could have shown up at the dessert place next Saturday wearing a sack, he would have been fine with that, too. He just wanted to spend more time with you and earn the permission to hold your hand.

In theory, you knew what first dates were like. Naturally, most people put more effort into their appearance when they met someone they liked romantically; they also spent their money more easily that day, so that they wouldn’t have been labeled as a miser. First dates were crucial: they could make or break the future of a relationship, which made them almost as scary as exciting, if not a whole lot scarier.

It wasn’t the first time your heart sank into your stomach at the thought of possible worst case scenarios, especially not when it came to Woong. Ever since you had started to spend quality time together without your friend group, you were often terrified that one poorly chosen word could make him realize that you weren’t worth it: his energy, those secrets he shared with you during your 11PM conversations, and the attention he gave you when so many other people yearned for a piece of it along with his heart.

You obviously didn’t think you were worthless or unlovable. Woojin would have killed you and dragged you back to life to kill you again if he had ever heard you speak so poorly of yourself. Still, even your best friend should have admitted that going on a date with someone popular was a concept ordinary people like yourself needed time to process. Not necessarily because of the most confidence-shattering questions like why he would have wanted to go on a date with you out of all people or what was so special about you, but because your mind had to catch up with your silly heart to believe it was reality.

You had had a crush on Woong for so long, of course, it felt like a dream.

A dream too good to be true until he picked you up on Saturday and walked with you to the nearest bus stop because neither of you had your own car. Despite the small talk you initiated while you were waiting for the crowded vehicle and the awkward silence that embraced you during the ride, you couldn’t have pinpointed a single thing that made this date different from your previous dates with Woong. And you meant this in the most positive sense of the word: familiarity.

Obviously, you were still nervous that one day he would wake up and realize you were too plain for him, but the small skips in your heartbeat whenever he smiled at you fondly greeted you like an old friend would have and that was enough to ease your worries. It was just him, the boy you had liked more than a friend even when he had been a friend. Things might have changed, he might have finally shown some interest in you as a girl, but essentially, you and your fond feelings were the same. You had nothing new to be scared of, just what you had already been accustomed to.

‘Should we decorate a whole cake or just two slices?’ You asked with a small pout when even after staring at the wide range of options for five whole minutes, you couldn’t decide what to pick from the menu. Thank goodness you had already agreed on making your own cake, because if you had had to choose even the type of dessert you went with on top of every flavor and size you could have ordered, you would have spent your whole date in this shop. And you had a movie to catch in three hours.

‘What about two whole cakes?’ Woong pondered, pointing at the smallest options that were about the size of your two palms next to each other. It was tempting, very much so, but you didn’t intend to upset your or the boy’s stomach with so much sugar.

‘You didn’t skip your lunch on purpose, did you?’ You turned towards the boy with your full body, concerned that you should have chosen a diner over the dessert place when you planned to eat popcorn and gummy worms for dinner.

‘Maybe I did…’ the boy admitted with a sheepish smile and while you were super excited about this place, at that moment, you would have been more than fine with leaving if that had meant he wouldn’t have starved later. ‘Or maybe I was just too nervous to eat,’ he added, his confession melting your heart because even though you had eaten a sandwich an hour ago, you felt the same way. It was nice to know you weren’t alone.

Since you would have also hated to be the reason for the sudden change in your plans, you didn’t wish to put Woong in that position. Instead, you quickly thought through your options and smiled at him when the most reasonable solution hit you.

‘Let’s decorate two slices and grab some street food before the movie,’ you proposed with a small bounce in your movements, rocking back and forth on your feet with your hands linked behind your back. Your chest felt warm and your skin was burning around your neck when Woong reached towards you and ruffled your hair.

‘So thoughtful! I love it, let’s do that!’

And you did that. You picked two slices in different flavors and walked up to the counter on the other side of the shop where you could coat your desserts with chocolate, fondant or icing, decorate them with fruit slices, marshmallows, crackers and more chocolate, then pick a marzipan figure to complete the aesthetics.

If you wanted to be honest, you had more fun designing your cake than how proud you were of the outcome, but Woong did a much worse job and he was still proud of himself, so you figured it was okay. They both tasted like a piece of heaven, anyway, and in the end, that was what truly mattered (and the memories you two made).

At first, you were a bit wary that there were certain topics you should have avoided on your date such as your struggles with oral exams and your rising anxiety whenever you thought of the presentation you had to give on pop music next week, but when Woong brought up their radio show with Daehwi, it felt like a permission to talk about anything.

Moving from one place to another, munching on cakes, fishcake and tteokbokki, you shared more with each other than your food. You confided Woong in your insecurities, your regrets, and your family background you rarely talked about. You also got to know that in spite of his easy-going personality, the boy had a hard time keeping more than three or four friendships alive simultaneously because he tended to give too much of himself to those around him and easily forgot about people who weren’t right in front of him.

Some things Woong told you were easy to comprehend; others were too complex and foreign to you to grasp. Still, you made sure he knew you were listening with the intent of getting familiar with the way he thought and felt, because he did the same for you.

If you could have chosen what to do on your first date with the boy all over again, you might have told him you wanted to speak and listen more instead of spending two hours in a dark, noisy room, staring at a screen, but overall, you had a pretty good time.

And the best part was that it didn’t end with the movie or your long ride back to the campus. Woong insisted on walking you all the way to your dormitory, so that he knew for sure that you got home safe.

‘I didn’t know dating can be so much fun. Thank you for today.’ You offered him one of your bashful smiles as your steps slowed down, then came to a temporary halt in front of the main gate of the girls’ building.

‘Does this mean there’s a chance you’re up for a second date, too?’ He asked just as smiley as you were while you turned towards him with your entire body and willed yourself to look up at him, right into his hazelnut orbs, instead of avoiding eye contact. You had no reason to shy away from him now when he clearly wanted to go on another date with you. 

‘Yeah… If you promise you won’t skip lunch next time,’ you teased, choosing to embrace the situation instead of running away from it. You had already survived a whole afternoon in his company. You had eaten delicious food together, brushed hands in the dark, and laughed so hard, your guts hurt from happiness. What else was there to be afraid of?

‘In that case, we should grab lunch together on our next date. We could go to the amusement park right after. How does it sound?’ The question fell from Woong’s lips playfully, making it easy to anticipate your next date and yearn for a dozen more.

Munching on your cheek from the inside, you bit back a flustered chuckle. You thought of all those drama leads you admired and envied, then took a deep breath and said:

‘Like you’re planning to sweep me off my feet.’

You would have never called yourself a spontaneous person. You were terrible at going with the flow because uncertainty often made you anxious, but right then and there you took a leap of faith and stood on your tiptoes. Your eyes were closed when your lips landed on Woong’s cheek, but luckily, you didn’t miss your aim. An accidental nose kiss would have definitely mortified your soul and locked away your adventurous side.

‘But you’ve already done that,’ you whispered against the boy’s soft skin before you pulled away, satisfied to see how stunned he got because of a simple, chaste peck. It meant that your paces weren’t that different, which was a relief.

You waved him goodbye before he regained his composure; your grin twice as wide as it had been seconds before when you chose the stairs to the third floor instead of the elevator. You needed a good excuse for how fast your heart was beating and a bit of exercise might have been able to do the job.

An ice cream date and a retro roller skating slash milkshake date later, Woong was ready to ask you to be his girlfriend. He genuinely liked your company: your closeness and your rosy cheeks whenever he initiated a new form of skinship in public; your sweet and encouraging texts that turned into nagging from one moment to another when he was about to fail behind on his assignments; your long walks back to your dorm after their radio show. He liked you at 1AM, when your face was bare and your moles more prominent and at 1PM, too, when you talked with your mouth full during lunch breaks because Woojin couldn’t stop teasing you. You were who he wanted to be with. It was clear considering how much he anticipated seeing you each and every day. He just wanted to make it special even if Jangjun called him a simp for acting like he was about to propose.

Since Seungyoun’s ideas had been too extra and rather than helping him, Donghyun had clowned Woong for calling for an emergency bro meeting two weeks after his first date with you, Woong had asked his mom about romantic gestures and chosen one from the classics. He had bought you a pair of silver earrings because you rarely wore any other jewelry and a box of square donuts from your favorite shop since he knew for a fact that no matter how much you loved them, you deemed them too expensive to buy them for yourself just for the sake of it. They were birthdays and holidays kind of special for you: just what he aimed at on Friday when he planned to pop the question after your adorable goodnight peck.

Woong found the familiar, yellow envelope with the new love letter in it in the same place, at the same time he had done the first time. It was slid between two pages of the script you had given him at the beginning of your brainstorming session.

Back then, the blonde boy had been too afraid to read the message in front of his friend. This time, however, he thought being teased for being admired by the person he was also whipped for was a small price for reading your letter on the spot. Therefore, he picked the seal flap’s edge open with great care, then took the paper in his hands with a giddy smile on his face. You were so cute, asking for a break before he could have found it.

Something tugged on Woong’s heart when he saw that you started the letter with an apology. It made him feel uneasy because he seriously couldn’t have thought back on a single thing you should have felt sorry for. Could it have been because you had fallen asleep during your video call last week? He had already told you it was fine. Or because Woojin had called him a taken man in front of other girls the day before? Gosh, that was absolutely okay with him, too. If anything, Woong couldn’t have waited to be officially taken after tonight. You worried your pretty little head too much.

But then you went into details and those fragments pulled the rug out from under the boy’s feet. You were rambling about your assignments, your need to blow off some steam, and how you had gone to an outdoor concert with your friend and ended up catching the cold. You swore up and down that you had intended to write to him at least once a week, but you had been too drained to keep up with both your academic life and his radio shows. Nevertheless, you were sure that he had done great with Daehwi and playfully suggested that they should have made a YouTube channel where they uploaded their shows once they were over.

It was a useful idea, something he would have brought up in the second half of your meeting on any other Friday night… This time, however, he was too shaken up by the realization that you weren’t his secret admirer.

Woong’s hands were trembling when he shoved the letter back into the yellow envelope. He didn’t want you or anyone else to see it before he could have talked with you. He had to talk with you first.

Speaking of you, shouldn’t you have come back from your restroom break by now?

‘I’ll step outside for a couple of minutes. Call me if she comes back in the meantime,’ Woong asked his friend with one leg already out of the room. With his back to Daehwi, he shot an uneasy smile at the boy from above his shoulder, then left before the younger could have uttered a simple:

‘Sure.’

Woong had dozens of questions he wanted to ask you. Although, he knew you wouldn’t be able to answer any of them since he had never told you about his secret admirer. He had incorrectly assumed that they were you and now that it was clear that they weren’t, he was a lot of things, but most of all: confused.

He obviously still liked you. You were funny, kind-hearted, caring, and very pretty. You were everything he looked for in a partner, but all of a sudden, there was this other person who seemed to know him on another level and cheered for him from the shadows. They supported him like you and…

He tried to message you, call you to ask you where you were and what took you so long. He felt desperate to be near you before the mess got bigger in his head and he could have started acting differently around you, but you didn’t pick up your phone. 

‘Come on! Where are you?’ He mumbled when he didn’t find you in front of the fourth floor vending machine, either. It was like you weren’t even at the building, which made no sense. You would have never abandoned your brainstorming session, not without a word, not when he and Daehwi were clearly waiting for you to come back from your break. Woong might have been mistaken about the letters, but he knew you weren’t that kind of person.

Still, when he couldn’t find you despite checking every restroom the building had to offer, he decided to rush to the nearest 7-Eleven, too, as the convenience store was right outside of the campus and you had the tendency to overestimate your speed when you had places to be. The closer he got to the ground floor, the clearer he could picture you with snacks in your hands and an apologetic smile on your face. Now that he thought about it, the vending machines had indeed looked a bit empty when he had passed them.

Woong’s lips pulled into the proudest, brightest grin when just like he had predicted, in front of the building’s main gates, there stood you with a plastic bag in your right hand, but it soon wavered when he noticed that you weren’t alone. And that you weren’t walking towards the glass doors, either. Instead, you stood there like a fly frozen in amber, unmoving and stiff, which urged him to speed up his steps.

‘… playing dumb. You two got closer after the first one. I bet you told him it was from you,’ one of the two girls around you said accusatively, pointing at your chest from a distance to give emphasis to her words. Woong had no idea what was going on, what these people could have had against you, but it was clear that they made you feel uncomfortable in your skin. If the way you were munching on your cheek from the inside hadn’t been enough, your failed attempts at speaking up for yourself would have still spoken volumes.

Woong saw you shook your head and took a defensive step backwards when the only guy in the group took one towards you.

‘You think he will still want you when he realizes that your relationship is built on lies? You basically manipulated him into dating you. How fucking sick is that? Aren’t you ashamed of yourself?’ The boy kept throwing his accusatory questions at you and while Woong couldn’t have said with confidence that he understood the situation perfectly, he knew he would have never forgiven himself if he had kept watching from the sideline as they were screaming at you.

So he stepped between you and them, shielding you with his body at the same time you said:

‘I don’t…’

Woong reached behind his back to take your empty hand in his, then checked on you from above his shoulder when you squeezed his palm. It felt weak, almost uncertain, like you were conflicted whether you had the right to seek comfort in him to begin with.

‘What’s going on? Are they harassing you?’ He asked, wondering whether they had told you something that made you act this way - they couldn’t have talked about him when they had said you manipulated someone, right? you had never once tried to influence his decisions in any way, goddamnit! - or you were just too intimidated to react to his closeness the way you usually did.

‘The hell? We’re not harassing her. We came here to defend our friend, dude. She stole the credit for her letters,’ the guy claimed angrily, his lips pressed into a thin line when one of the girls slid her palm on his biceps to calm him. Despite everything, Woong was grateful for the help; he doubted he could have dealt with a guy this big if all hell had broken loose.

‘She’s lying to you. It’s Hari. She’s the one who wrote you those letters, not her,’ the other girl with the messy bun chirped in, visibly shy, but just as harsh with her accusation.

And then it clicked. Stolen credits, anonymous letters, dating… They were talking about the letters he had gotten and his secret admirer. Woong wouldn’t have been surprised if they had been the ones who had slid the envelope into his script.

‘Well, I appreciate that you’re here to clear up this misunderstanding, but you clearly make her uncomfortable,’ Woong started as diplomatically as possible, well aware that he was the one to blame for this mess. Not you. ‘And for that matter, she doesn’t know about the letters. It was me who asked her out, not the other way around,’ he reasoned. His heart sank into his stomach when he realized that your fingers were about to slip out of his hold. Were you mad at him? Were you shocked? Was it your confusion that tried to put some distance between the two of you?

Woong could only hope that you didn’t let go of his hand consciously, but just in case you did or your thoughts were just as fuzzy as his, he decided to take you out of the situation that was messing with your mind before your brain could have rewritten your memories from the past weeks. He turned towards you and gave you all of his attention as he gingerly reached for your hand and pulled you inside the building.

‘Are you okay?’ was the first thing that left the boy’s mouth when you were finally alone and he could cup your face in his hands. Woong’s thumbs caressed your cheeks anxiously while he was waiting for you to speak up. 

In the deafening silence, he wished he could have been able to read your mind.

‘Did you think it was me?’ Your voice was so quiet, it was barely above a whisper, but since he stood close enough to you, Woong could decipher every word. He sucked in his lower lip, unsure whether you really wanted to hear his answer or this was a rhetorical question. After all, those guys had made sure you knew the two of you had grown closer around the time he had received the first letter. ‘Did you ask me out because of that letter they mentioned?’

Woong’s palms fell from your cheeks to the crooks of your neck. The boy was a lot of things: loud, childish, forgetful, oblivious… but he wasn’t a liar. Thus, he swallowed his nervousness and chose to tell you the truth. He liked you. Logically speaking, the circumstances shouldn’t have changed much between the two of you if you had liked him, too.

‘I mean, yeah. I started to look at you differently after I read the first one,’ he admitted shyly while his thumbs fondled your skin absentmindedly. Your heart was beating just as fast as his, he realized, when his finger found a more prominent vein.

‘I see,’ you breathed, your calm tone pushing the boy’s mind to overdrive. Something was off with you, your voice, your posture. Had your shoulders been droopy from the beginning? Why did your eyes look so dull all of a sudden?

‘Hey, it’s not like that. Sure, I didn’t think of you as a girl girl before that, but…’ Woong tried to explain the situation in detail, so that you would have understood that even though he had needed that extra push, in the end, he had fallen for you because of the little things that made you you.

But you weren’t listening. Instead, you cut him off mid-sentence and took his hands off your neck with a resigned smile.

‘I think you should give her a chance,’ you whispered, breaking something in Woong with the way you deliberately avoided his eyes.

‘What?’

‘Hari. Your secret admirer,’ you explained. Every word that fell from your rosy lips added to the wall you were building between the two of you. You might have stood at arm’s length from him, but Woong felt like you had never been further away. You were slowly slipping through his fingers and he had no idea what to do to keep you close. ‘Her letters clearly mean something to you. I think you should give her a chance. Take her on a date,’ you pushed, like it was easy. Like you hadn’t just told him to go out with someone else.

Woong had to force his next question through his gritted teeth.

‘But what about us?’

He didn’t want to be upset. A part of him doubted he had any right to feel that way - at least, towards you -, but even though he saw the logic behind your request, it was hard to not feel unwanted because of your calmness. He hated how calm you were acting on the outside.

‘I don’t know,’ came your answer before he heard you take a deep breath and your eyes met. Was he seeing things or your eyes were teary when you smiled at him? ‘Daehwi is waiting for us.’

You didn’t wait for Woong to figure out whether he liked the letters so much because he had thought they had been from you or you were right. You just turned your back to him and took the first steps towards the elevator.

That night, you left without a word, before Woong could have packed his things and walked you to your dorm. The earrings in his backpack were just as heavy as his footsteps or the silence that embraced Daehwi and him on their way to the boys’ residence on campus.

Letting go of Woong had been one of the hardest decisions of your life. However, it had been a decision you had had to make for both of your sake.

You weren’t angry with him. If anyone, it was Woojin who refused to talk to the blonde boy ever since he had learned about Woong’s reason for asking you out. You had tried to tell him, he was acting ridiculous, that their friendship should have meant more than your broken heart or those tears you had shed during the weekend, but days later, he was still adamant. He said you were his best friend and Woong could easily survive a few weeks without him until you got over your break-up. He didn’t care that you had never been officially together.

‘Stop giving them those stares. You’re making me anxious,’ you whined at ABNEW between two classes, half-determined to spend your free period in bed, half-willing to work on your group project with Miyoung who was still standing in the line in front of the counter, waiting for her drink and those muffins Woojin, Donghyun, and you had asked for.

It was bad enough that your presentation was due within a week and you still had to figure out the structure of your slides, but hanging out at your go-to coffee shop at the same time Woong and Hari did was a whole new low for the day. You had never wished to study in the library so badly.

‘Why? It’s not like her friends aren’t staring at you when you’re around,’ your best friend spat back bitterly, his tone just as black as the coffee in his hands.

Munching on your lower lip, you slowly turned your head towards the couple in the back of the shop and let out a disappointed sigh as your gaze fell on their smiley figures. You weren’t sure what you had expected when you had told Woong to give a chance to his secret admirer, but based on the dull pain in your chest, something told you that not this.

‘He looks happy. It’s better this way,’ you explained, hoping that you sounded at least half as convinced as you felt. It all depended on perspectives, after all. ‘Donghyun-ah! Tell him to stop staring!’ You turned towards your other friend, seeking help where you could only find a frown. So typical.

‘Like he listens to me,’ Donghyun retorted, although he did reach out to the younger boy to gain his attention.

In the following silence, you were sipping on your latte while you busied yourself with trivial things: you created a ppt file, chose a minimalistic theme for your slides, and searched for a few pretty, monochrome icons with transparent background on the internet for later use. You also wrote your names on the first slide and changed the fonts where it was needed. You were desperate to do something, anything that could help you forget about Woong and his love life. Now that you weren’t a part of it, it shouldn’t have been your business.

Too bad, none of your friends had come to the same conclusion yet.

‘She isn’t that cool, by the way. I mean, she’s obviously pretty and she’s kind when she needs to be, but we have a seminar together on Wednesdays and she lowkey looks down on people who are on scholarship,’ Donghyun broke the silence when you started to drum on the edge of your mug absentmindedly; a clear sign that you didn’t know what to do with yourself. You looked up at the boy’s face with sad eyes, feeling conflicted about his words that had meant to be reassuring. Were you allowed to feel relieved that Hari wasn’t the perfect girl you had assumed her to be based on how much her friends loved and supported her? Maybe. But it still felt selfish, because Woong seemed to like her a lot. ‘I don’t even know how she knows who are on scholarship. It’s not like people openly talk about these things.’

You, on the other hand, had a few guesses. She either came from an influential family or she was more popular than you had initially thought. Both sounded a bit scary, especially because both options came with enough power to ruin lives in a collectivist society.

‘But most of Woong’s close friends are on scholarship,’ you mumbled as you lifted your mug in front of your mouth and took a small sip from the sweet beverage. You didn’t like where your messy thoughts were about to go. You didn’t like the odd mixture of fear and excitement that slowly consumed your body.

Yet, there was a hint of a genuine smile in the corner of your mouth when the boy patted your upper arm with his hand. 

‘Exactly. I wouldn’t worry too much if I were you,’ Donghyun said encouragingly, earning a scoff from Woojin with his positivity. Neither of you needed to be a genius to realize that the younger hated the idea of false hope the boy’s words might have been giving you.

Thus, you lifted your chin high and decided to prevent all hell from breaking loose for the nth time with your most believable nonchalant smile. 

‘I don’t,’ you claimed - a ridiculous lie, really -, then took another sip from your drink to steal yourself a little time to actually consider this as your next step in your long journey towards absolute recovery. Because sooner or later you had to face the facts: you had had your chance and you had blown it. Who said Woong would have wanted to be with you once he broke up with his girlfriend. If he had broken up with his girlfriend to begin with.

‘That’s the spirit!’ Woojin exclaimed with a proud smile that honestly warmed your heart. He acted so unlike his age, being your big brother who wanted nothing but the best for you when you were actually a year older. You shot finger guns at the boy to make him smile and to put your gratitude on display in the most you-way possible: you acted like those few weeks with Woong had already been in the past. (Because they were. They needed to be, for everyone’s sake.)

Not long after Miyoung got back to your table and squeezed her chair between Donghyun’s and yours, you saw Woong and his girlfriend leave the café, holding hands while swinging their arms back and forth between their bodies like playful couples did in movies. Eyes glued to their figure on the other side of the glass doors, you pouted like a kicked puppy until Donghyun stuffed a blueberry muffin into your mouth.

Coughing, you felt a little lighter when his laughter embraced your grieving soul. It was time to speed up your recovery, skip a few stages, and advance towards the last step: acceptance.

Lacking first-hand experience, Woong had always thought that every break-up was the same until you liked the other person. After all, he had cried just as badly when he had lost Bbang, his goldfish in kindergarten as he had done in middle school when his cat had run away from home while he had been in the academy. Shouldn’t all hearts have broken the same?

He learned that the answer was no when he broke up with Hari and asked her to remain good friends. With her curse words ringing in his ears and her petite figure disappearing at the end of the hallway, feet frozen and eyes wide, the boy didn’t feel sadness or disappointment like he had anticipated. Instead, he was relieved.

Obviously, he still thought that she was an amazing person - hence his offer to stay present in each other’s life -, but while she had been nothing but kind to him, something had felt forced in their short-lived relationship while it had lasted. Maybe, it had been the girl’s smile that had seemed different whenever Jangjun or Seungyoun had hung out with them. Maybe, it had been his body that had felt stiffer every time the girl had wanted to check out a place where he had already been on a date with you. Maybe, it had been you and your sad eyes that had haunted him since the night you had told him to go on a date with Hari.

Or maybe it was all about timing and his heart simply wasn’t ready to care for someone new when it was still in love with you.

‘Hyung! Could you come already? I really, really can’t stay until eleven this time,’ Daehwi’s plea reached Woong’s ears only a couple of heartbeats before you said:

‘Let him be! I’ve already told you, you can leave at ten.’

The younger boy’s exaggerated sigh and your playful banter about how Daehwi would have never been able to ditch either of you (but mostly you) while you still had promising ideas to talk through made Woong smile. The whole situation and those tiny yet significant steps that led him to this moment were so surreal. Had he really broken up with his first girlfriend five minutes before your Friday brainstorming session? Had he really done it because he had seen Hari frown at you in the elevator? 

The chokehold you had on him was insane.

‘I’m coming!’ He exclaimed as he shook his head and brushed aside his overwhelming urge to be there for you all day every day for the rest of your life. He didn’t want to burden you with his feelings, especially not after what had happened between the two of you - not to mention that he might have needed a bit of time alone to organize his thoughts and emotions before he could have come clean to you -, but he hoped that with time, you would give him a second chance. A chance to show you he didn’t need anyone else; you had no reason to doubt him.

Since Daehwi had an assignment due at midnight he still had to proofread and submit, the three of you decided to skip your usual break and wrap up the meeting around nine regardless of how far you got, because the boys could always improvise during their show in case they ran out of scripted material, but the younger boy only had one chance to impress Mrs. Park with his academic knowledge and that woman was hard to win over once she lost her faith in you. Professors in the Business Faculty were infamous for holding grudges against students who didn’t take their studies seriously.

Considering that your tactic to avoid being alone with Woong was the same since the day you had distanced yourself from him, the boy knew he needed to be quick if he didn’t want you to slip through his fingers again. Therefore, he made sure his papers and pens were already in his backpack when you jotted down your last ideas in your notebook, then stood up from his chair as soon as you did, so that he could follow you to the corridor.

‘Hey!’ Woong jogged after you when you gained a head start because of the table he had to skirt around first. The boy hoped that he could catch up to you in front of the lift, but then he noticed that you were heading towards the stairs, most probably to save yourself from an awkward elevator ride. He could only pray you still had enough kindness in your heart for him to not ignore him intentionally when he was clearly talking to you. Sure, you hadn’t spoken since he had gone after Hari, but that had been your idea and…

When your steps came to a sudden halt with your hand on the door that led to the stairway, the boy almost tripped over his own feet. He was so damn glad you hadn’t ran away.

‘Khm, so I was thinking…’ he started, a little uncertain, but still determined to live with this chance. ‘Would it be okay if I walked you back to the dorm?’

Relatively speaking, Woong didn’t ask for much. He would have been more than satisfied with the tiniest baby steps like walking at arm’s length from you either by your side or behind you if that made you feel more comfortable. Although, the latter might have made him feel a bit creepy, but until you let him, it would have been fine.

The resigned sigh that left your mouth could hardly mean anything good, but turning back now would have been awkward, Woong thought, and he had already done a super impulsive, super reckless thing that day. What was one more? Even if you rejected him or called him a confusing jerk in your own, curseless way, he could have at least said that he had tried.

‘Actually, if you have something to tell me, I’d prefer if you did it here, while we’re still in the building,’ you told him in a neutral tone, making him wonder whether he overreacted it or you treated him differently from everyone else (in a completely different way than before). He tried to recall your first ever conversation, whether you had smiled at him back then or his memories were playing a trick on him, but it was no use.

He was clearly overthinking it: a warning sign that he wasn’t ready to be with you and that he should have given himself a bit of time after his breakup. But you were finally close enough for your moles to be visible and more importantly, you were with him without Woojin who always had a rude comment to Woong when he hung out with the boys.

‘Because of Hari,’ you said, as you most probably mistook his silence for not knowing what you were talking about. Which was funny, because while his mind was filled with you, you, and you, once you spoke up, Woong realized you were actually right. He didn’t understand your reasons, he just hadn’t dwelled on them or questioned your request. ‘I don’t want her to misunderstand. Her friends are already giving me the stares.’

The boy furrowed his eyebrows. What had you just said?

‘I… I didn’t know,’ he stuttered, the confession heavy on the tip of his tongue. Truth to tell, he had rarely paid attention to Hari’s friends since he hadn’t liked what they had done to you and his ex-girlfriend had understood. She had actually encouraged him to spend more time with her without either of their friends, so that they could have gotten to know each other better. It had sounded logical back then. ‘But she’s not my girlfriend anymore. I broke up with her,’ he felt the need to correct you at least, since he couldn’t promise you that everything would be okay. The thought that he might have unintentionally made things harder for you with his actions worried him more than he showed. He didn’t like the thought that they could have put the blame on you, when it was him whose heart hadn’t been in their relationship with Hari.

‘Is this what you want to talk about?’ You asked, raising one of your slim eyebrows as if you were suspicious. It reminded Woong of your arcade date when you had caught him cheating, but he quickly brushed aside the memory.

‘No. Partly. I don’t know,’ he rambled, uncertain of how much he could have told you when his thoughts and urges scared even him. It couldn’t be normal, how much he missed you when you had never been his. But his mouth chose this moment to completely disregard his brain. ‘I just miss you. I miss walking you back to the dorm, holding your hand, spending time with you.’

After Woong’s confession, the silence was deafening. It made the boy anxious that your lips parted to speak, but no words came out of your mouth. The longer you stood there frozen, the more he started to question his decisions. Since when had he been so afraid to take the initiative? He was usually so unbothered by others’ opinion, he was the first to volunteer when someone needed to do something stupid. Like when he had rapped his part of the presentation in first year because they had been talking about popular genres with his partner and they had wished to do something out of the ordinary. Woong was a terrible rapper.

‘Fine. We can walk together, but no hand-holding,’ you pulled him out of his thoughts with a few simple words that made the boy smile even though you couldn’t see it because you were already with your back to him.

Woong didn’t point out that you could have taken the elevator, too, now that you had agreed to let him tag along. Instead, he accepted your decision and followed you from a comfortable distance until you waited for him in front of the main entrance and he could finally walk by your side with a lighter heart.

If he wanted to be honest, Woong had tons of things to tell you on the way. He wanted you to know that he might have needed that anonymous letter to have an excuse to get closer to you, but he had always thought that you were kind and interesting. It just didn’t feel right to bring these up. In fact, he felt utterly selfish from the mere idea to force this conversation on you when you had already let him stay. 

Therefore, he stuck to neutral topics. He asked you about the radio show, your seminars without him, and complimented your presentation skills since he couldn’t have congratulated you after class because of Woojin, the girl you had been partners with, and Donghyun who had pulled you out of the room before he had realized. Blushing, you apologized for your best friend’s behavior and he reassured you it was fine. Sure, it hurt his feelings that his friend had openly taken your side, but he was also grateful that the younger boy had been there for you.

Without taking detours and competing which one of you could take smaller steps, the walk to your dorm felt shorter than Woong remembered, but he didn’t complain or ask you to stay outside for a bit longer. The boy would have liked to believe that his consideration was why you smiled at him so brightly before you bid your goodbye.

Your individual decisions might have damaged your relationship. Yet, your actions gave him hope that it wasn’t beyond repair.

You were as stubborn as a mule. Or maybe, you were just afraid of disappointing your best friend, but it took you longer than any of your friends would have predicted to get back together with Woong.

The night he had told you that he had broken up with Hari, you had been doubtful and so had been Woojin whom you had called up as soon as you had gotten in your room. You had been in desperate need of advice and you had known he had had a movie night with Donghyun, so it had been like killing two birds with one stone: you had gotten both the pros and the cons of letting Woong back into your life in a span of one and a half hour.

What had convinced you to not push him away in the end had been the same thing that had made you sit behind your desk in your dorm room exactly one hundred and fifty days later to write him your own love letter for Sunday: you loved him and you had regretted not holding on to him firmly on each day he had been with someone else.

Before Woong, you had thought that 100th and 1000th day’s anniversaries were only excuses to be a bit more romantic, to spice things up with your partner, and while you were still a bit skeptical, you believed your relationship with the now-brown-haired boy was still exciting and fun enough to not need tricks and aids like these. Nonetheless, you were hyped about your celebration dinner on Sunday and the amusement park you had bought tickets to weeks before your date.

Despite laughing your ass off at Lotte World and filling your tummy with delicious snacks in the shade between two rides, you thought the park itself was overpriced, but it was a special day and the memories were worth every won - thank goodness Woojin had let you tutor two of his students who were preparing for CSATs, you had definitely needed the extra pocket money.

‘Are you ready for the best present anyone has ever given you?’ Your boyfriend asked once you finished your main dishes at the Italian restaurant you had chosen together and you put your elbow on the table, placing your chin atop of your palm, smiling. He looked so proud of himself like a child who had gotten his first shiny star from his homeroom teacher in elementary school. His goofy smile was absolutely adorable.

‘You mean the laptop dad gave me for high school graduation? Nah, I don’t want to leave before dessert,’ you joked, earning an exaggerated groan with your playful attitude, but one look at your boyfriend’s pouty lips was enough to know he wasn’t done with you for real.

‘Very funny,’ Woong grumped, reciprocating your carefree giggles with his own chuckles as he pulled an ocean blue gift bag out of his backpack and shoved it into your hands. ‘Here! Open it!’

You looked down at the small package he had prepared for you, then bit back a smile and took a similar gift bag out of your tote bag in green color.

‘Let’s open them for three!’ You suggested, because no matter how much you wanted to see his reaction and burn it into your memory, you also hated standing under the spotlight and this way you could share it with each other. It was a small sacrifice for comfort - something that your boyfriend didn’t seem to mind.

So you counted to one, two, and three, then pulled every item out of the bag one by one until you had a bunch of self-care products piling up in front of you on the table. Woong hadn’t been joking: it was indeed the best present ever, especially for a busy university student like you whose skin liked to turn into her enemy under stress. He had bought you a box of slime for stress relief, face masks, that fancy vitamin c serum you had been talking about for weeks, a plushie headband, a white USB stick with a winking emoji drawn on one side and the words “you did great, honey” written on the other.

Already overwhelmed, your lips parted when you noticed a light pink envelope.

It wasn’t closed properly, so you could pull the handwritten letter out of it easily, but before you would have started reading it, you stole a glance at your boyfriend and grinned at his similar reaction to your lilac love letter. Gosh, you were both so cheesy.

‘I can’t believe you stole my groundbreaking idea,’ Woong whined, his furrowed eyebrows and sulky voice urging you to roll your eyes with affection.

‘Maybe, you stole mine,’ you retorted, cheeks red like tomatoes when the waiter chose the same moment to walk up to your table with your chocolate cake. You darted your tongue out for good measure.

Not that the old man had any interest in your conversation with your boyfriend or made you feel bad for acting so childish. In fact! He was gone before you could have said thank you for the food.

‘Should we read them now? Not gonna lie, I’m super curious, but if you would rather wait until you’re alone, that’s fine with me, too,’ Woong offered, giving you a chance to save yourself from embarrassment (and most probably, second-hand embarrassment as well), but you wanted to show him just how grateful you were for him as a person… so you gave yourself a quick pep talk and shook your head with pseudo-confidence. Until he was with you, you had nothing to be afraid of, right? And this was your 100th day’s anniversary. When to be crazy and wild if not tonight?

‘Nah, we can read them now,’ you reassured him, waving with your hand as though a single motion could have brushed aside all your worries.

It obviously didn’t work.

You barely reached the end of the first paragraph and your cheeks were already crimson, your heartbeats erratic, and your lips bitten. You couldn’t stop munching on them because of how utterly ridiculous your boyfriend was. Comparing your laugh to a dolphin’s and your eyes to blizzards? Was either of those a positive comparison to begin with?

‘Yah! How could you write so much nonsense about me? I don’t drool like a sick fairy, nor is my snoring adorable. I do not snore, Woong!’ You whined, regretting every real compliment you had given him in your own letter, especially when he shot the most amused grin at you, you had ever seen on his face, then started quoting you, too, just because in his opinion - his words, not yours -, it had been you who had started it.

The rest of your celebration dinner was spent with constant whining, scoffing, and laughing. You both dissed each other for certain words and phrases you had used in your confession such as ethereal, angelic, and your personal favorite: morning voice as smooth as Woong’s to-go strawberry smoothie. You competed to see which one of you was more hopeless based on the months behind your backs and teased one another a bit more when you failed to eat your chocolate cakes without getting some on your faces.

But there were undeniably sweet moments, too, between your playful banters. Like when the boy told you he liked your letter better because it was handwritten and smelled like you. Or when he sat next to you to pull you into his arms as soon as you started crying soundly because of those love yous he had oh so casually written at the end of every paragraph.

‘I love you,’ Woong whispered against your temple, feeding you as though you were a baby, his baby, when you refused to pull away.

‘I love you, too,’ you reciprocated his words immediately, swallowing the cake and shoving a couple of bites into his mouth, too, with your chopsticks.

That night, neither of you knew yet that you had started the tradition of cheesy love letters and exaggerated diss battles that secretly you both liked or that - three years later - this tradition would make it super easy for Woong to ask you to be his for the rest of your lives.

the end.

#woong x you #woong x reader #ab6ix scenarios #jeon woong x you #jeon woong x reader #jeon woong #woong #secret admirer au #college au #ssbyme #ab6ix woong

[autisticlee]

seeing posts about what semiverbal means makes me confused still if that's me or not. I made post before and was told i'm not in replies. unless I didn't understand them right and i forget whst they said exactly. but I think they got upset I used the wrong word. I don't want to upset people. they said i'm more just intermittent speaking/speech loss or something like that because I probably talk more than semiverbals. (but do I? I don't know)

but that doesn't explain why it's so difficult for me to speak and make words and sentences and make sense and be understood. it's more than shutting down when overwhelmed. it'd hard before that.

I copy what others say. I make scripts and practice (and usually fail to follow them....😭) I use gestures to replace words. phone calls are a nightmare because no gestures and wrong words and i'm misunderstood every single time. figuring out how to ask questions is very hard so I never do and suffer when i need things. always have to think about how to say everything, even one word replies. my mouth betrays me a lot. words come out wrong. sentences have mixed up words. talking to strangers is impossible if I can even say any words to them. cant predict what they will say to make a script. they don't follow my scripts and my replies don't make sense. need other people with me to reply so I can copy and say the same things. people I know follow scripts easier because I predict them after studying them a long time. or we need to have the same conversation every time so I can reply the same or they talk and I listen and make noises to respond.

sometimes I have speech loss and can't speak at all. but it's always difficult. don't know how to tell if it's difficult as other people who are semiverbal or not as. I tried to explain this in a post before and struggled to explain. got replies telling me i'm not semiverbal but intermittent speech loss or something like that instead. because I said I can speak when I need to usually to people I know. speak easier to familiars than strangers because I can predict and script their speech. have to force myself to make phone calls when I need things and do it eventually (2+ years later.....haha...)

but I do struggle and everything is a script and needs to be practiced and am misunderstood most the time. everyone hears different words than I tried to say. i usually reply with few words instead of full sentences but I see posts saying these things are semiverbal too? but was told i'm not. so I don't know what I am.

talking hard. words hard. dumb brain can't even follow its own scripts correctly. conversations are impossible and I only listen and can't join. can't ask questions. can't get what I need. need others to speak for me so I can copy. no one follows my scripts so I don't make sense to them when i follow it.

but I don't want to step on toes and make actual semiverbal people upset by using that like i did that one time accidentally and was told im not. I rather have one word to describe it because ao it's easier. speech loss doesn't cover the struggle before the actual loss? but if I can't use semiverbal then i guess I have to say i am "difficulty talking and needs more time to say words but can still talk when needed (sometimes) and struggle to form sentences and need to follow script and copy people but tries their best to make sense so people don't get mad for not speaking, but too much struggle will also make brain shut down and cant talk at all then" many words but there doesn't seem to be one word to describe my struggle yet.

also what is stance on "selective mutism" I remember seeing autistic people say it's bad and don't use that. I was called that growing up (not by doctors but random people and I used it for a while) some say it's only used for official disorder/diagnosis so don't use it for casual. autistics on twitter told me not to and it means I select when I talk and to use shutdown instead. but maybe i can just say i'm selective mutism when trying to describe why i'm struggling to say words? instead of trying to use MORE words to describe my struggles 😭

am I even making sense???? I feel like this post doesn't make sense

#i wonder if not thinking in words but i think in abstract feelings makes words and senteces harder for me..... #autistic #autism #actually autistic #too tired to think of more tags #lee rambles #juat tapping suggested tags that pop up #this post probably makes no sense because words hard and am tired after attending wedding and being photographer all day #sorry if words are jumbled or dont make sense. tired.

[ichigopanhpff]

Someday... Chapter 3: The Story I Heard

[Last Chapter] -- [Masterlist]-- [Next Chapter]

Up a day early. Enjoy!

🎵 BGM: ONE OK ROCK "Heartache"

Warnings: Alcohol consumption, Cursing, Mentions of drug use.

“I passed by the shop on my way to a shoot today,” she spoke up after putting the last washed dish on the drying rack. “That shop attendant’s gettin’ real cozy with you.” Her tone was sharp and cold like sleet pelting your face, making Mitsuya look up from his book.

“Eri-san? She’s harmless.”

“She was practically eye-fucking you,” she flatly stated and slapped down the now wrung out dish rag a lot harder than she wanted to before walking out of the kitchen and into the living area.

“I’ll admit, she gets… too familiar sometimes,” her boyfriend acknowledged with a tone of hesitancy. “But we’re just work friends.”

“Don’t look like that to me,” she scoffed and plopped down on the couch beside him with her arms crossed.

“Are you actually jealous?”

“Yes.”

“Love,” he set the closed book on the coffee table and scooted closer to his girlfriend. “Haven’t we been together long enough for you to know I’m only yours?”

“It’s because we’ve been together long enough I know when I see someone trying to steal you away from me,” she harshly pointed out. “And you don’t even realize it.”

“And what about Ryota-san then?” he shot back with a defensive tone. “You’re ‘friendly’ with him too.”

“Ryo—” she sputtered incredulously. “He has a boyfriend! And that’s unrelated to what we’re talking about!” (Y/N) took a sharp exhale. “Can you… just not stop by that shop as often any more? I don’t like her vibes.”

“That ‘girl’ is a work associate and a friend,” Mitsuya defended. “You’re reading too much into this.”

“Really…” She drew her neck back with raised brows and chewed on the insides of her cheeks. Getting off of the couch, she walked toward their shared bedroom. “Seems like you care ‘bout what your ‘friend’ feels more than your own girlfriend.”

His shoulders jumped at the loud slam of the door.

She squeezed her eyes shut and leaned back in her office chair, sighing heavily and pinching her nose bridge. It was another late night at the office touching up photos for Mitsuya’s line before sending it to the marketing department to make the promo collateral. Even though she has an automated script to make it go faster in Photoshop, she’s a stickler to make sure the shots were up to her standards.

Faint sounds of the rain pattering outside could be heard through the four walls of her office. Having sat at her desk for two hours, she immediately stood to get some blood flowing back into her legs by doing lunge stretches.

Letting out a groan of relief, she straightened her leg and slowly bent down, feeling her hamstrings activate and repeated the movement on the other side. She’s always felt guilty leaving him without saying a word after all these years.

There were only so many times she could’ve asked him what time he was coming home, told him how much she missed him, whether or not he needed dinner to be portioned out. Even though they lived together, they felt more like roommates than lovers because of their schedules. All the planned vacations were postponed last minute because of something work related on both ends. Any days off they had together were spent looking at their phones, playing catch up on emails. Conversation became less and whenever they did, a verbal argument would break out.

Physical intimacy dwindled as time went on, with either one being tired or just not in the mood; they were lucky if they were even able to do it once a month! She even had to throw out an entire box of unused condoms because they expired. And her vibrator could only do so much to satiate that carnal itch compared to what Mitsuya could do to her.

Whenever they finally did spend time together, it was always with their friends. (Y/N) didn’t mind it; she wished she was a bit more pushy with Takashi in spending more personal time together.

Even though she still loved him deeply, she felt him gradually getting distant and didn’t know what to do to change that. The day she got the text from him, saying he wanted to talk about something; her mind wandered to the worse case scenario. But it didn’t matter what she thought, what’s important was they were finally going to talk.

Having gotten off of work early that day, she got home and started making dinner while waiting for him. When it got closer to 8pm, she asked him when he would be back via text; he never responded.

She eventually got tired of waiting and decided to go to his studio; it’d been a while since she stopped by. And there it was: the one thing she dreaded happened.

She walked into Eri hovering her overly glossed lips over her boyfriend’s, her petite and lithe body sitting on top of his work desk with her not-so-surprising short skirt and overly exposed frilly top. Her fingers ran up and down on his forearm with light feather touches as she batted her eyelash extensions at her man. Hearing her loud gasp, Mitsuya turned and saw her heart completely break. A tear slid down her cheek and she ran off into the chilly, autumn night, not caring whether or not he chased after her.

Her lungs ached with cool, burning fire as she ran as far away as she could through blurry eyes. Her muscles fired on full blast, feeling the fatigue building up and her tongue tasting the salty iron with every breath. It hurt. Everything hurt like a thousand knives simultaneously stabbing her in the heart with rubbing alcohol pouring on top of the wounds.

She warned him. And he didn’t listen. She told him Eri made her uncomfortable and he disregarded her feelings.

He didn’t care anymore; he didn't care about her anymore.

Stumbling back home, she panted heavily while sobbing. Her tears mixed with the dripping sweat fell from her face, staring into the dark apartment they shared before hastily kicking her shoes off.

Through her tear-stained gaze, she grabbed her duffle bag and her clothes from the closet along with other basic necessities into it; she zipped it up and looked down at her left hand through blurry eyes. Quietly sniffling, (Y/N) hesitantly removed the ring on her finger and placed it on the dining table. Hastily grabbing a loose sheet of paper, she wrote her goodbye message and placed it next to the cold and long forgotten dinner she made.

She didn’t know where to go, but she couldn’t stay there. It wasn’t home any more.

And the consequence of that action was her feelings in limbo for her ex-boyfriend. She hated this, but she also didn’t want to confront it; she didn’t want to reopen these scarred wounds she haphazardly stitched back together.

A few days later, Mitsuya stopped by (Y/N)’s agency after receiving an email saying the shots for his debut line were ready for viewing. Changing out of his usual work attire, he donned a well fitted thin suit jacket with the sleeves rolled up on top of a black short sleeve collared shirt with casual navy blue slacks and leather dress shoes. The receptionist welcomed him in and led him into the brightly lit glass pane conference room. Drinks and snacks were already provided in advance prior to his arrival.

“Mitsuya-san, so great to finally meet you,” Murayama, the head of SOUL LOVE Agency Inc. greeted him and exchanged business cards. “Thank you for hiring us to spearhead the promotion for your debut line. We’re as excited as you are.”

“I’m more nervous than excited, to be honest,” the designer answered with an awkward chuckle.

“Well, we’re going to change that when you see (Y/N)-san’s work,” the CEO boasted. “I have to say, of all the things she’s shot, these are her best by far.”

Not long after, the photographer entered the room with her assistant and some people from the marketing department following behind; she sat across the table from him, not once making eye contact. She wore a black short sleeve silk blouse with an embellished ruched collar. A ribbon was tied underneath it, paired with a set of high waist linen khaki wide leg slacks and black leather slip on sandals. Considering all she used to wear were oversized hoodies and t-shirts when she was younger, the (Y/N) in front of him was now a polished adult. The bracelet and ring she once wore were replaced with a lone, thin silver band on her slender left pinky.

Putting his glasses on, he meticulously looked over the photo proofs one by one. His lavender eyes widened with surprise: the models looked so natural wearing his clothes, showcasing comfort, movement and style. The couple and group shots were intimate and inviting, like the viewer was peering into a private moment in their lives. Her composition had tremendously improved since he last saw her works. It was polished, but still natural and organic with a human touch.

“(Y/N)-san…” Mitsuya called, remembering to add an honorific to her name, keeping in mind of Chifuyu’s words from last night while his eyes still scanned her work. “What was going through your mind shooting this?”

“When I asked the models what they thought of your clothes, majority of them said it was comforting, like an intimate embrace,” she answered with a neutral tone and gaze across the table. “So I did the whole shoot with that feeling in mind.”

“That was exactly what I wanted to portray.”

“I’m happy to hear that.” Her head bowed lightly to thank him, face void of emotion.

After a two and a half hour meeting of going through all the photos and ad design concepts with him, the promotions for Mitsuya’s debut line was set to go with his final approval. Since he had a small budget, the advertisements were to be seen in local fashion magazines, fashion news websites, Instagram and small sized promotional posters around Shibuya, Shinjuku and Roppongi. And after finding out he and (Y/N) were former classmates, they gave him a discount on it. As much as he refused, Murayama insisted in order to build a professional working relationship with him for the future because he believed in his work.

Thanking everyone for their time, the CEO left the conference room, with marketing soon after with the printed sample collateral. He was left with (Y/N) and her assistant gathering their belongings. The designer caught her by the door just as she was leaving.

“Would you be able to do dinner tonight?” he asked. “I want to treat you for doing such good work with my line. It could even just be a round of drinks if you don’t have that much time.”

“I don—”

“She would love to,” Ryota butted in, with her immediately shooting him a dirty look.

“Ryota,” she warned with a sharp glare thrown at him.

Oh. So he was Ryota, he thought to himself, suddenly remembering the conversation they had when she brought Eri up. The man took a lot of care with his appearance, his hair carefully styled with pomade to make his cropped cut tousled like he just rolled out of bed. His facial hair was neatly trimmed, nails manicured and immaculate.

“(Y/N)-chan’s been working really hard lately and she barely takes any days off.” Her assistant then placed his hands on Mitsuya’s shoulder and gently nudged him to the side and leaned into his ear. “Take her somewhere relaxing, not fancy. She hates the white table cloth places.”

“O-Okay…”

Flashing him a quick friendly smile, he hastily made his way out and said in a sing songy tone, “You two have fun tonight~”

“So… what time will be good for you?” Mitsuya slowly asked, immediately noticing the dark scowl she was shooting at Ryota. He immediately knew what she was thinking and snickered to himself: she was finding ways to kill him three times over. At least that part of her hasn’t changed, the thought to himself with a small crooked smirk. Finally giving up, she sighed and rubbed her temple.

“I should be done by seven.”

The day went by in the blink of an eye and she found herself staring at her computer clock. It was close to their meeting time. Sighing, she leaned back on her computer chair and closed her eyes.

A loud, panicked pounding ravaged Draken’s apartment door at 11pm. Audibly groaning in annoyance, the lanky man dragged himself off of his couch to answer it and ran his hand through his untied jet black hair.

“What the hell’s your—(Y/N)-chan?” he looked down with surprise.

She stood there, sniffling and quivering from the outside chill with a travel bag in hand. Her cheeks were dyed with red splotches, her eyes like shiny, reflecting glass from tears threatening to spill out again.

“So-Sorry… I-I know it’s late n’ you just got off work,” she said between her dry sobs and wiped her tears with the heel of her hand. “Didn’t know where else to go…”

Immediately letting his friend in, she set her belongings down and sat on the tile carpeted floor after taking her shoes off in the small foyer. The dragon tattooed man immediately sat beside her and solemnly stared.

“What happened?”

“Takashi… He… He…” Her lips quivered and choked down her sobs, violently hiccupping. “We’re over.”

“What do you mean you two are over?” he asked in confusion. “That guy loves you to death.”

“I went by his studio…” she stuttered as tears freely cascaded down her flushed cheeks. “And that store attendant he works with was there…” Her knuckles turned white from balling her hands up tightly. “She was making a move on him n’ h-he didn’t even try p-pushing her off!”

Finally breaking down, she bawled into her palms. Draken slowly embraced her slumped form, letting her cry it out. She’d been there for him since Emma’s death and supported him through thick and thin; this was the least he could do.

“My words can’t reach him!” she whimpered into his muscular shoulder, feeling herself completely crumble and shatter. “I’m not in his heart anymore…”

What the fuck was Mitsuya doing, he angrily thought to himself while comforting his friend.

It’s just dinner. Nothing else, she mentally reminded herself as she headed to the elevators to meet Mitsuya downstairs.

With a ding, she vacated the building to see a familiar set of short lilac streaked hair waiting with his arms crossed and eyes closed on a guard rail; he ditched the blazer he wore from earlier today. Anyone passing by would’ve thought he was a model with his lanky build. As if sensing her presence, he looked up and saw her just as she exited. She was still as beautiful as he remembered her.

“So where are we going?” she asked in a semi-bored manner.

“I found a spot for handmade soba. That good with you?”

“Lead the way.”

Hailing a taxi to Chiyoda, they rode in silence. (Y/N) glanced out the window, looking up at the sky and passing street lamps. It was a habit she never broke out of back when she used to ride on the back of Impulse. The two arrived in front of the restaurant, with her paying the fare just as he reached for his wallet.

“Let me do this much if you’re treating tonight,” she remarked before leaving the car.

They entered the restaurant and were seated in a booth near the back with plenty of privacy. The two looked at the menu and made their orders, consisting of cold sake and their set soba meal with tempura.

“So how’s your dad doing?” Mitsuya asked to make conversation.

“He moved back to Sendai not too long ago,” she revealed. “He’s working with the Wayamas as a distribution manager now. Less stress on his body from driving and he’s enjoying it. He’s even quit smoking, finally.”

“That’s good to hear…” he trailed off with a small smile. The waitress came by and brought their order of cold sake. (Y/N) took the carafe and poured their drinks before raising the small cup.

“To the success of your debut,” they toasted and sipped the light spirit before setting it back down. The awkward, pregnant silence settled back between the two, neither one able to come up with anything to talk about. It was never like this when they were still together; how did it come to this?

Their food came not too long after and they ate in silence for the most part, with only the slurping of the noodles and the loud, light crunches of biting into the fried goods occupying the dead air.

“How are your sisters doing?” she finally asked after swallowing her food.

“Luna’s working as a sales manager for a fabrics distributor and Mana’s just about to graduate from vocational school for nursing while doing her externship at a local hospital,” Mitsuya replied with a small beam of pride. “And my mom’s eased up on her work hours now. Those two have been through so much. I’m glad they’ve grown into proper adults.”

“Well, they had you raising them so…”

“They really missed having you around…” he trailed off and rolled his lips in.

(Y/N) bitterly scoffed and set her chopsticks down. “Using your sisters to guilt me for leaving? That’s dirty, even for you.”

“N-No. No. I didn’t mean it like that,” he hastily replied and took a breath. “I’m… sorry. Really. I am. I spoke without thinking.”

“It’s fine. I just… misunderstood,” she uttered out and avoided eye contact for the rest of the evening.

Just as dinner wrapped up without any more chatter, Mitsuya was wracking his brain to keep her company for a little longer. There were so many things he wanted to talk with her about, but didn’t know how to say it.

“Would you like some dessert?” the waiter suggested with a friendly smile. “We recently put our green tea shaved ice on the menu as a seasonal spec—”

“Yes,” he immediately answered, startling the young man. “Two orders of that, please.”

The server bowed and made her way back to the kitchen. (Y/N) leaned back in her seat and dumped the remaining sake from her cup into her mouth, secretly wishing to get shitfaced just so she could leave earlier. Just as she reached for the carafe, Mitsuya beat her to it and refilled it for her. Muttering a thanks, she mindlessly played with the small ceramic cup and got lost in her thoughts. About 10 minutes later, a giant bowl of shaved ice topped with green tea syrup, sweet red beans and dango appeared in front of them.

“When was the last time you had this?” (Y/N) asked Mitsuya.

“Hmm… it’s gotta be at least three, four years ago,” he confessed. “You?”

“Probably a year or two ago? Think I was in Singapore…”

Each took a respective spoonful with topping and put it into their mouths, feeling the soft, fluffy ice slowly dissipate on their tongue with the bittersweet taste of the green tea syrup mixed in with the sweetness of the azuki beans. Taking another three bites, they experienced their first round brain freeze.

“Oh man…” she groaned and held her temple, letting out a quick shudder from the cold running through her body. She flagged down a server for two cups of warm tea to offset the effect.

“Remember when we had this as kids after that soccer game?” the lilac streak haired man reminisced.

“You n’ Tanaka had that contest to see who’d get brain freeze first…”

“Idiot ended up losing his own challenge two bites in.”

They both lightly laughed at the memory while taking another bite of their dessert. With both their stomachs full of food, Mitsuya paid for the meal and the two left the restaurant. The humid evening breeze blew past, warming their cold flesh from what they ate.

The two walked toward the train station, with the bottoms of their shoes hitting the gravel of the pavement filling in the chasm of silence. This can’t keep going, Mitsuya thought to himself and mustered up the courage.

“(Y/N)… Why did you leave without a word?” he finally asked, desperate for an answer. Her steps came to a halt and slowly turned to him; this was the first time in a very long time they looked at each other directly like this; his lavender eyes reflected hurt and melancholy.

“What else was there to say?” she casually shrugged, wearing a pensive expression. “We went for weeks not talking to each other and the thing with Eri-san…”

“We didn’t do anything,” he explained. “It was—”

“Just work?” she cut in with a biting tone with an arched brow and scoffed. “Didn’t look like that to me.” She looked to the ground and shuffled her feet. “Both of us used that as an excuse to avoid each other. That’s how we got to where we are now. We’re both at fault here.”

“You have every right to feel the way you do,” he confessed. “All I ask is for a chance to explain myself what happened that night.”

“For what?” she huffed with a look of disappointment at him. “Your ease of conscience? Your ego?” she paused for a beat to give him a chance to answer, only to be met with stark silence. “Mitsuya Takashi, you’ve grown to be such a shitty adult.”

Just as she started walking again, he called, “(Y/N), wait!”

“That’s all I did, Mitsuya. Wait,” she snapped with a strained, hushed voice when she turned to face him again with tears pricking her eyes. “I waited for you. When have you ever did that for me during the span of our relationship? What I saw that night was basically you saying you wanted to break up, so I made it easier for you.”

“Easier? You think you leaving made things easier for me?!” he retorted with his anger boiling inside.

“It made it easier for you to date her right after,” her icy tone cut into him like a well maintained sword.

“How did you—”

“I saw you kissing her when I passed by the shop a few weeks after I Ieft…” she replied in a barely audible whisper. “Clearly… your feelings for me’s ran its course,” she muttered to herself and sniffled before turning on her heels to leave. He stood stationary in the street, unable to say anything back as he watched her figure shrink from his field of view.

It’d been two days since he last saw (Y/N) and their conversation ended terribly. He wanted to reach out to amend things, but didn’t have a way to contact her. He could’ve called her agency, but that may brew more unnecessary questions on her end from her boss and coworkers. The only possible avenue for him to understand her thoughts and feelings right now was to go to the past.

With a few days open in his schedule after finalizing the details of his debut show, Mitsuya decided to go see “Wander” before it ended. And by some kind of alignment of the stars and planets, he managed to get a ticket for the last day. Under the overcast drizzling sky, the budding designer found himself at the main entrance of the gallery, umbrella in tow.

Steadying his breath, he entered the building and presented his ticket to the usher to gain entrance and put his umbrella in a provided plastic bag so droplets wouldn’t puddle all around the exhibit. Remembering what Draken and Chifuyu told him, he was on the look out for this secret message his ex-girlfriend supposedly left him.

Passing by the introduction synopsis of what the exhibition was about, he came across the first photo blown up in a large black and white canvas shot of her arm extended on top of a bed in a room with no personal effects; a caption adhered to the white wall beside it read, “This bed feels like a morgue.”

Mitsuya moved onto the next set of framed photos, all of which were in black and white. One was a random street in Shibuya nearby the main crossing area with the caption, “The brilliant colours I used to see are gone. Is there something wrong with my eyes?” He recognized the street in the next shot: it was where he took her for their first date. The ramen shop they went to then was now a Chinese restaurant serving gyoza. The text below read, “Everywhere I go, all I see is you.”

He stood for a moment, trying to timestamp when these photos were taken. This must’ve been a few weeks after she left him, he thought to himself. Where was she living then? Did she reach out to anyone? Thinking these useless questions now were no good for him now. As painful as it was to be here, he could only imagine how she felt when she took these and put her side of the story together.

He pressed on and caught the shot of a shattered mug with droplets of water around it.

“The birthday present you got me broke today.”

He remembered that mug: it was a matching set they bought at Daiso when they moved in together. Since their funds were all tied up with the rent deposit and things they needed for the place, budget was super tight. He asked her to pick something and chose those mugs for them; she didn’t care they were cheap. (Y/N) was happier knowing it’d be something they’d use together. He remembered two months after she left, his arm accidentally knocked his from the kitchen counter from reaching for something and broke the moment it hit the floor.

A dull pain stung his chest as he stared at the damaged porcelain with sorrow before dragging himself away. Wiping some stray tears away from his eyes, he sniffled and came face to face with the shot of an obscured gravestone with a bouquet of fresh flowers and lit incense in the next photo.

She went to visit Emma-chan?

The text read, “What would my friend do?” He recalled Mikey’s sister was always good with love advice and swallowed the weighty lump in his throat. If Emma was still alive, she and Draken would definitely have been married with a kid or two by now. Mitsuya looked down at his feet and squeezed his eyes close, trying his best to control his emotions. How did his best friend feel when he saw this?

The next shot was blown up as the same canvas size as the first one; it depicted a boarding area at Narita airport with her bag beside her with faded colors.

“Trying to save what’s left of me.”

“That explains why I couldn’t reach her any more when I tried calling.”

Mitsuya then came across an area with bean bags and cushioned seats with boxes of tissues at the ready for use. A black placard to his right read, “Sit with your feelings,” with an explanation of the space below the header. It was basically a safe space for people to take a breather and decide whether or not they want to continue on. Taking the heavy subject matter in mind, (Y/N) decided it’d be best to designate areas like this to sit and absorb what they saw since some things may trigger visitors. Inwardly thanking her for this, he reset himself before continuing on to the second part.

He entered to see a collage of clashing colours to the point of overwhelming his senses. Glancing at a few of them, it looked like she was in Los Angeles. As he looked around, one specific 24x36 framed shot caught his eye. Trails of light swirled around the dimly lit hotel room she was in; her arm dyed a warm yellow over off white sheets. At a glance, the shot was nauseating; he had to blink a few times to adjust his eyes to the extreme contrast. The caption read, “I tried to numb the pain. Worst trip ever. Don’t think I’ll be doing this again.”

The one next to it was sunset shot from a beach littered with people on the horizon.

“Went to the beach for the first time in forever. It was calming. A few people came by and started talking to me. It was weird, but comforting. When I asked them about how to heal a broken heart, they gave the most interesting answers.

The one that stood out to me the most was from a teenage boy. He said, 'A broken heart never fully heals; it just scars. that's proof you were able to give yourself to someone selflessly, not caring about what you have to endure. That scar is your resolve to love again.'

Love again... Is that even possible?”

They were each other’s first loves. First everything.

While she was trying to deal with this heartache, he was already dating someone else to numb the pain of her leaving him. He felt like absolute shit and heavily sighed before moving to the next photo of a European style cafe with the tip of the Eiffel Tower peeking behind one of the buildings.

“I’m going ahead first.”

It’s Mitsuya’s dream to travel to France once he became a well-known designer and suddenly had a pang of envy settle in his stomach. His gaze traveled to the next shot of a lower half of a female’s face, his eyes widened with surprise.

“Yuzuha met her?”

If memory served him right, she was with Hakkai for a job in Paris for the first time and then they had to go to Germany and England after. Was it possible (Y/N) told Yuzuha not to say anything? Actually, that’s 100% possible, he thought to himself and rubbed his temple.

“When did I get this conceited?” he grimaced to himself and moved to the next photo, which was an off focus one of her arm once again in a different hotel room with scattered personal items. A bottle of water and some medicine by the night stand; it was in black and white.

“Hungover. Second worst feeling ever.”

Mitsuya stifled a laugh and covered his mouth tightly so other patrons wouldn’t hear. He suddenly remembered back when they were 22, they both stumbled home drunk at 2am during Hanami with the former Toman captains and vice captains plus Hina. She woke up the next day with a roaring hangover and cursed Pah-chin’s full name for pouring that extra glass of Otokoyama sake for her while she emptied her stomach offerings to the porcelain gods. They both took the next two days off from work to recover and all they did was laze around in bed cuddling and catching up on movies they wanted to watch together.

Regaining his composure, he came across a wide canvas of a wild lavender field with the midday sun behind it. The heavy feelings of guilt and regret he felt weighing on his heart were washed away for a moment from the glowing warmth of the image.

"The way I am now is enough. -Provence, France"

He continued through the rest of the exhibit, with a shot of her feet buried in sand by the water on a quiet beach in Corsica, a hidden restaurant somewhere in Italy, the daily lives of people in Malaysia, Philippines and Hong Kong mixed in with wildlife and nature shots. Slowly approaching the last photo, Mitsuya finally saw her. The plaque description wrote it was taken in Sendai.

It was a self-portrait with her camera blocking half of her face sitting on a cushioned loveseat in black and white. Her gaze was a mix of deep loneliness, humility and hope. The final caption on the wall read:

I've traveled near and far, trying to piece this jagged glass heart back little by little.

To those going through your own battles, you're not alone. Look inward and let your feelings run its course like the blood in your veins. Lean on people to pull you out of a seemingly endless tunnel of despair.

And to you who may see this, there's no one in this life I love more than you.

If I could do it all over again, I'd still choose you. I will always choose you. All I want is for you to be happy, even if I'm not in your life anymore.

Tears streamed freely down his pale cheeks, his heart succumbing to grief. Making his way to sit down in the designated areas, he hastily grabbed a few tissues from the stand and wiped his face.

She still loves him. Even after all this time.

The upper half of his body arched down and covered his eyes with the now crumpled tissue, silently sobbing into it. He realized what she said the other night was right: he only wanted to explain himself for his own self-satisfaction.

It was never about her. It was so he’d feel less guilty for emotionally cheating on her.

Every photo he saw and caption he read was the real her; there was no lie or fluffed up words.

In the end, it was his gentle lies and radio silence that broke her heart and what they had.

What could he right now to honour these feelings she’s laid bare for all to see?

Taglist: @mor-pheus @netzukochannn @moodyhuesworld2 @someone4414

#mitsuya x reader #mitsuya takashi #tokyo revengers #mitsuya x fem!reader #mitsuya x y/n #mitsuya x you #ryuguji ken #ken ryuguji #matsuno chifuyu #kazutora hanemiya #hanemiya kazutora #tokrev x reader #tokrev x you #tokrev x y/n #tokyo revengers x reader #tokyo revengers x you

[novantinuum]

8, 12, 13, 23, 30, 34!

Oooh, thank you very much for sending some bois in! :D

8) If you had to write an entire story without either action or dialogue, which would you choose and how would it go?

Oh, I'd absolutely go for dialogue only. In the past, a lot of my fics were "outlined" by the dialogue I'd want to fit into a scene. If I could write a lot of my ideas as scripts only, I would. But alas... I know there's a lot that prose can say about a world and a set of characters that dialogue alone can never fully convey. And so it is my burden to writ it XD

12) If a genie offered you three writing wishes, what would they be? Btw if you wish for more wishes the genie turns all your current WIPs into Lorem Ipsum, I don’t make the rules

One: I wish I could always think of that perfect word that's on the tip of my tongue without having to write down a synonym and find it through the thesaurus or write down a boggled misspelling for spellchecker to correct me.

Two: I wish that I can stop finding ten thousand errors in my edited work, but SPECIFICALLY after I post it online or share it with friends.

Three: Lol can I just have energy please

13) What is a subject matter that is incredibly difficult for you write about? What is easy?

I still find fight sequences very difficult to time out. There's a lot of technical things you have to think of when writing fights, like the pacing of the scene, the actual intentions and purpose of the fight, keeping track of where all the major players are and what they're doing at every moment, even if they're not the main focus at the time... That's why I'm trying to practice those in my current wip, honestly.

Conversely, I find it very easy to write long, sweeping musings on a characters' metal state. Hell, that's what like 80% of my Steven Universe fics are about. XD

23) Describe the physical environment in which you write. Be as detailed as possible. Tell me what’s around you as you work. Paint me a picture.

Writing environment #1: I am walking down a neighborhood street filled with cute lil' rental condos. There's kids playing nearby. It's a little windy, and it honestly looks like it's about to rain, but beyond that it's quite an agreeable day. There's a lady walking her cat on a leash up the road. I'm dutifully typing fanfiction into Scriviner on my phone as I take care of my boring ass daily exercise whilst finishing up the latest scene of my brain worms.

Writing environment #2: At work, I have just placed my samples in the centrifuge for 30 minutes and have nothing else that needs to be prepared for my experiment during that time. I'm surrounded by the dull humming of -80C freezers and the occasional hissing of liquid nitrogen tanks venting off some pressure. There's some coworkers behind me laughing about an inside joke. I'm dutifully typing fanfiction into Scriviner on my phone as I take care of my Job Duties whilst finishing up the latest scene of my brain worms.

30) Talk to me about the role dreams play in your writing life. Have you ever used material from your dreams in your writing? Have you ever written in a dream? Did you remember it when you woke up?

I used material from my dreams all the time when I was young, but I actually don't remember my dreams that much anymore? I haven't written them down in years, so they fade mere minutes after I wake up. So... dreams don't play much of a role in my writing life at all, alas.

34) Thoughts on the Oxford comma, Go:

Sexy when used correctly, most people (myself included) often fail to use it correctly. I also rarely find that an oxford comma feels appropriate for the flow of my writing, so they're a rare feature in my stuff.

#jen rambles #ask meme

[jessylostherpen]

So You've Been Charged by Your Previous Phone Carrier After You've Already Canceled the Contract.

This situation happened with my husband and me, and I feel it's not an uncommon problem no matter which carrier you were using.

BACKGROUND: We switched from Verizon to T-Mobile. The manager at the store we went to baited and switched us so we cancelled our contract within 20 days or so of starting it (There were a few other resons, but that was the most significant one). We returned our phones in the original boxes with all the accessories included. We did everything on our end to end our contract and we ported our phone numbers over to a different carrier.

Then, we started getting bills from T-Mobile saying we had a credit. We called them to try and get that credit paid out to us, but they told us we had to go in person to the store to get that money. We didn't want to make that trip for a few reasons, half of them personal, half of them practical. Each time we tried to deal with customer service, the person we would speak to always had a script and wasn't deviating from it to save their life. Sound familiar?

Then, two whole years after canceling the contract, we got a notice last March that T-Mobile wanted ~$130 from us or they would contact a debt collection agency. I tried working with the T-Mobile helpdesk on Twitter to get to the bottom of this, but they claimed they couldn't access my account until I verified my number with them. That felt like a red flag to me and I refused to. Instead I did some digging to find out how legitimate this threat was and how to counteract it. Then I found the FCC (Federal Communications Commission)

Their man goal is to make sure you as a consumer are being treated fairly by your carrier, whether it be phone, internet, cable, or otherwise.

Here is the link that will help you: https://consumercomplaints.fcc.gov/hc/en-us

Submit the evidence you have. I submitted my account number, pictures of the conversations with the help desk, and a picture of the notice T-Mobile sent along with the information the FCC needed in the form. The FCC will contact you to let you know they're looking into the matter. If your former carrier doesn't contact you to resolve your issue, they will face hefty fines from the FCC. I received one last bill that I paid because that bill was for a SIM card my husband was using in his iPad that we had forgotten about. That also included the cancellation fee for that SIM card. It was less than half of what they were asking from us when they were issuing the debt collection notice.

So if you're ever caught like this, send your information to the FCC. It's 100% free to submit a complaint and it can resolve an issue that you may not have the time or resources to solve yourself.

Update:

They have refunded the check I sent along with a letter that basically says “we did nothing wrong and because we did nothing wrong, we’re sending the credit that was on your account when you canceled your contract with us that we’ve been keeping for two years.”

Justice.

#federal communications commission #charged for canceled contract #Phone Carriers #phone contract #cellphones #smartphone #billing #customer service #contracts #phone help #debt collection agency #help #carriers

[bonnienapierfilm]

film adaptation update + reflection

post production

chapter 1: bonnie and avid - from strangers to friends

The only experience I had before beginning to edit this project, was my old iMovie days, avid online classes [which took place in the fever dream that was first year] and 'Lethe' [if I have to see that girl in a hospital bed ever again, I will cry]. So yeah, little experience. But I have always been keen to try and edit more, so I'm glad I put myself forward for this! And I actually feel a lot more familiar with Avid now... it turns out if you just practice using something you get better at it - who knew?

I started editing scene 8 [the beach scene] first, only because I was so excited to piece together our beautiful clips. I hope to learn more about the theory behind editing - do you have to edit in order or does it not matter? After playing around with scene 8, I edited the film chronologically, which I think is smart? I felt the process was smooth and editing this way aided me in pacing our scenes, but I have time to learn so much more about editing so I do not stress.

I did a lot of recording the screen on my phone to send to the group for feedback. I now have many videos on my phone of a Mac screen and the shushing of a Peer Bear in the background. I did want the group to see what I was working on, but I think I was also doubtful of my work and needed feedback every step. However, the group held my hand and encouraged me along the way, which was greatly appreciated.

After some tubing [of the you kind], I found videos on ratio changing in Avid. I played around with the timing of the change from 4:3 to wide screen [I feel silly, I don't know the numeric size for this?!], and spent ages matching our shot of the beach landscape to Joanna and Sue dancing on the beach. I felt so very professional and proud when I got it right, "look at me go!" my brain chanted.

Overall, I learnt a lot about avid and editing in general over the past month. I definitely want to widen my knowledge and keep practicing.

chapter 2: sunshine, lollipops and rainbows - exporting, colour grade and sound

Export, exporting, exported. I don't think I can say much more more about this. I wasn't present whilst Eva and Katie did the colour grade but they worked their magic, it looked lovely. Particularly making the sky look similar to the landscape, pinks were poppin'. I know it was difficult for Katie to grade the window to make the light match the room but she did a fabulous job.

Now onto sound. My heart goes out to Orla, she worked so hard on the sound edit and it payed off massively. When writing the script, I wanted to provide as many opportunities as possible for Orla to be creative with sound, like having conversations outside the room, hallucinations etc. Our composer, Arina, who we met upon a chance encounter, gave us beautiful music for the film - really bringing it all together. I can't say much about the process, but I know a lot of work was put in and I was delighted to have Orla doing sound.

Katie drew up some fancy credits for us and myself and Orla put them all in. After watching the film over and over and over and over, alas, I was happy to submit for the crit...

reflection

Once again, I was sweating, shaking and shitting it. I get very nervous in our crits... what if no one likes the film? what if my editing ruins it? did I hold on that shot for too long? yes. what if everyones film is so much better? It's a panic I think we all feel. I thoroughly enjoy watching all the films we have made, and I don't doubt everyone feels the same, no competition just cooperation :)

When rewatching on the big screen, I picked up on a few things. I hold on some shots too long and others not long enough, I doubt this is a realisation I could have only made when watching it enlarged, but I hadn't noticed when editing in screen academy. But in the future, I will make sure to get second opinions on the length of shots.

When getting our feedback, I had taken up some paper and a pen to take notes, however due to stress I turned it into a paper aeroplane instead. So from what I remember...

SCRIPT - Kate had complimented by period writing, which I was chuffed about as I have never written a period drama. So my first go wasn't terribly received! :) I think overall, some off my dialogue would have been more effective had they been delivered differently. No hate to our actors!

SOUND - Our levels were a little low, which caused confusion with dialogue and flow. However, this is something that can be easily fixed! So not much stress about this.

LIGHTING - Andrew was impressed with the lighting... well impressed that we had tried to create sunlight without sunlight. I understand the criticism, our lighting was very harsh sometimes. I think that light, especially golden hour, can be that harsh, however as we have clearly tried to recreate it, it doesn't work as well. Maybe putting more baking paper over the lights to dim them would have worked.

CAMERA - Some of our shots were shakey. I knew this when editing, I did try to use a stabiliser however it warped Eva's pretty shots and made them look weird, so I decided against it. With our final landscape scenes, I do remember on the shoot we had went between rig/no rig. I think a tripod could have worked however we were trying to achieve a sort of shakey shot to imitate Joanna's pov. Some of our shots were a bit tight, I think when shooting our close-ups sometimes we forgot that I was also going to be cropping to 4:3.

EDIT - Joe really liked our ratio change, commenting that it followed the period drama vibe. Yay! Andrew mentioned that some shots lingered and some cut short, which I knew and will keep in mind for future projects.

PRODUCTION DESIGN - Our costumes weren't exactly true to the time, however with no budget and little time, I think we did the best we could. The floral bedsheets were brought up, which I was dreading because I had noticed but thought it would be fine. Shoulda said something!

I hope I haven't missed anything.

I agree with everything criticised in the crit. I have learnt so much about filmmaking through The Last Landscape, especially working collaboratively. I liked how our roles were somewhat fluid throughout, we helped each other when it was needed and open to notes/criticism. I actually don't think I'd change anything about our film, other than little hiccups in edit/sound/camerawork. In terms of self-improvement, I will learn more about editing so in future projects I don't feel so worried about it being bad/nonsensical.

I feel a little sad that film adaptation is over. Nothing about the process felt like work, just fun... with maybe a smidge of stress.

I will miss group six [no dix]. You are all very talented women and I could not have asked for a better group to make a gay period drama with <3

+ ben + adam xx

#film adaptation

[marafilmblog]

On-set on ‘Closing Night’:

This was a great set, cast and crew were all very motivated and excited for the project. We shot over 2 days (14/11/23 and 21/11/23). On the first day I helped to pick up the equipment and take it to our location – The Voodoo Rooms. This was a great location and worked really well for what the production design team and director had as their vision. In the morning I helped the production design team to set up their backdrop as it needed clipped to the wall quite high up, so my height came in handy. I was able to help out since sound doesn’t take as long to set up as camera or lighting. After this I started setting up my sound kit, with the help of Hayley my boom operator. We got the actors mic’d up with their Lav mics. This wasn’t too difficult as the costume the production designer chose was quite easy to work with and hide the mics. After checking levels and making sure to name my files I was ready for rehearsals. 

On this set I decided to try out the sound devices ‘Wingman’ app. This meant I could name files and create a sound report via Bluetooth. I really enjoyed the ease of being able to do this on my phone. However, when it came to the end of the day and time to export my sound report I made a mistake. I didn’t realise the app went blank as soon as the mix-pre is turned off or disconnected, I took out the SD card to give to our DIT and as soon as the card was back in, and I tried to send myself the report I was unable to as all the information was wiped on my phone. Thankfully, I had also been filling out a paper report alongside this other one, so I did still have a copy and I’m thankful for the experience as I was able to learn a critical piece of information and also was able to understand the app a lot better to use for reports in the future.

Some of the issues I faced on this set included:

Large ranges in performance in short spaces. For example, when the actors would go from a calm conversation on stage to a very theatrical one. This made it more difficult to ensure consistent output levels without noticeable or drastic gain changes. I was always thankful when we would do another take of scenes like this as it gave me more practice and I could anticipate the jumps a bit better. Similarly there were often differences in volume levels between the two actors.

There was a lot of noise from the characters moving – walking about on stage or when they walk to their seats, and noises from props, like the dried flowers which were held close to the Lav Mics. This was difficult to avoid as they were all important for the script and flow of action, so I had to try my best to find ways around this or anticipate when a lot of noise would be made.

Following on from the actors moving around a lot, there was also a lot of noise from the actors clothing. I felt I had secured the Lav mics properly, however, throughout the day I heard clothing rustling becoming an issue. I decided to have a moment with the actors, see if there was anywhere else I could attach the Lavs to but ultimately decided to use tape to secure the clothing/mics and any jewellery.

Some on set pictures:

#on-set production

[procedureflow]

Call Scripting Best Practices and How Call Center Script Software Can Help

Have you ever carefully planned what you’d like to say on a phone call, and then drawn a total blank when the person greets you with “Hello”? Or, said what you wanted, but wished your word choices had been better? Of course you have. You’re human! Call scripting helps to ensure those scenarios don’t happen to an agent in a call center. Instead of relying on memory, which can fail anyone in the moment, call scripting offers agents the best possible wording to guide their calls with the click of a mouse.

What is call scripting?

Call scripting is a carefully thought-out collection of questions, responses, and prompts that represent the agent’s side of a conversation with a caller. These messages are arranged in the order they’re most likely to come up, with options available for the gamut of reactions and replies from a caller.

In addition to being fine-tuned for your company’s needs, call scripting gives an agent the proper phrasing for all potential situations. Implementing it helps create uniformity along the organization’s public-facing image while helping to boost agents’ confidence when dealing with all calls, no matter how complex or difficult.

Why is call scripting important?

Call scripting is a vital part of optimum call center performance.

Everyone has their own ideas of what’s appropriate in an inbound or outbound calling situation. Instead of relying on their individual judgment, especially in the middle of a call when there’s no time to stop and ponder the situation, scripting helps keep agents on the company’s track of brand messaging and values.

When it’s created with the help of the organization’s leadership and staff superstars, call scripting boosts B players to A level in the moment. It helps ensure that a caller – your customer – receives the same high-level service regardless of the agent they reach. It helps concentrate the agent’s focus on the customer’s needs.

What are the benefits of call scripting?

Call scripting helps to ensure that your organization’s best practices are being utilized. It creates consistency across the floor and removes potentially grating or unprofessional language from the company lexicon. The scripting focuses on politeness, problem-solving, and creating an atmosphere in which the caller is assured that their needs can and will be met. This leads directly to an improved CSAT score.

Some industries are heavily regulated. Agents find it easier to maintain compliance when clearly worded messaging is put in front of them.

Call center script best practices and examples

Each of us has had an experience with poorly executed scripting. The only thing more excruciating than being on the receiving end of a badly delivered script is being the poor soul who’s stuck using a clunky, old-school collection of sentences they must attempt to perform.

The best call scripting is written in conversational language. It has been put to the test before going live, to bring any grammar issues and awkward wording out in the open where they can be fixed before it’s inflicted on a customer. Scripting is arranged in a logical order, with sections that serve as prompts for the direction the agent needs to go, based on the caller’s responses.

Excellent call scripting:

is clear and concise;

covers all possible bases including de-escalating potential objections and validating customer concerns;

provides thorough information without bogging down in minutiae;

is flexible and allows for redirection of the conversation; and

is adaptable and always evolving.

Call scripting provides templates for dialogue from the moment a caller is engaged until the call is disconnected. Here is an example of a scripted greeting:

Hello, and thanks for calling ABC. My name is Kevin. I'd like to let you know that this call may be recorded for quality and training purposes. How may I help you?

The greeting should avoid phrases such as “good morning” and “good afternoon” if callers are likely to connect from different time zones.

And here is an example of a closing script:

Is there anything else I can help you with? Thank you again for calling ABC. We’re happy to assist you anytime. Have a great day!

Pitfalls to avoid include words that convey negativity and uncertainty. Instead of a problem, it’s a challenge. Rather than, I’ll see what I can do, it’s I will take care of that for you.

Not all parts of every script are meant to be read verbatim. Sometimes, they can serve as a guide to take the agent where they need to go to resolve the call. Familiarity with the script is key for optimal agent performance. And a comprehensive script is vital.

What is call center scripting software?

A script is commonly thought of as a document, but traditional documents are problematic in a call center. They’re difficult to share and to keep current.

Because it’s based in the cloud, ProcedureFlow’s knowledge management solution is accessible to everyone anytime. It’s also agile. A suggestion for an update can be made, approved, and implemented within minutes—with no printing or scanning required. It’s all done within the program and ready to use as soon as it’s green-lit.

ProcedureFlow’s cloud-based knowledge management software displays call scripting within easy-to-follow color-coded flow charts. The flows not only guide the agent in terms of what to say, but also what to do. From the first hello to the final thank you, agents simply follow the flow to help manage each call with confidence.

Bonus? ProcedureFlow can also help make onboarding easier. New hires are able to reach proficiency faster because they will need less training time than with other training methods. Because ProcedureFlow lives in the cloud, trainees can run scenarios with the most up-to-date information that’s simultaneously being used live on the call center floor. There’s no need to employ one form of technology for training and another one on the job. ProcedureFlow handles it all as your organization’s single source of truth for their procedural knowledge.

To find out how ProcedureFlow can help your employees reach proficiency faster, book a demo today

Written by Lisa Brandt

#call scripting #call center #customer support #customer service #customer center

[nenasspot]

it's always a big mood whenever a character gets the answer machine and just immediately hangs up,, because I, too, am in no way prepared to leave messages

#I always need to practically script a phone conversation #thx to anxiety #so the moment I get the answer thingy #I give up--- what do you mean leave a message??? #I have no message prepared #so I will just hope they call me back then #nena talking into the void #phone #message #random #anxiety #answer

[chocosvt]

love café

⚬ pairing: jeonghan x fem!reader ⚬ word count: 17.6K ⚬ warnings: some vulgar language, i guess! ⚬ genres: big time nsfw, dirty talk, lap dances, quickies, bath shenanigans, exhibitionism, overstim - you get what i mean. big ole romance, angst, fluff, jeonghan is very rich and very hot, joshua has a not so subtle crush on you. 

✧✎ synopsis: while you’ve spent the last few months pretending the love café doesn’t exist, you realize you need its services now more than ever. this brings you face to face with jeonghan, the son of a luxury fashion designer who’s got money to burn. your exchanges are strictly business. until they’re not. 

✧✎ a/n: YES, ANOTHER REWRITE. the original love café was just so unsalvageable that i almost fully wiped its plot, minus the actual concept of the café. so, this should read as fairly new! I HOPE U ENJOY IT !!

It’s not that you were desperate. Because you weren’t.

You were actually more than desperate at this point, and no longer could you sit on that uneven couch with the broken leg, staring at the chipped paint, listening to your neighbours’ screams, believing you should continue like this. More than anything, you were shortchanging yourself. There was no point in holding onto that little string of hope in which those employers might phone you back. It would be impossible to contact your family when you had affirmatively cut ties with them ages ago. And, it was becoming increasingly foolish to ignore your one saving grace, just a street over from your rundown complex.

But, could you really commit to it? Would anyone even be able to look at you and think you were someone desirable enough to reward?

Those thoughts often hung over you like a dark cloud, and poured down so heavily that you were metaphorically drenched, in your own pessimism. However, on that day, you were beyond patience with the cards you’d been dealt. Such a despairing apartment, with all its bugs and drafts and horrible neighbours, could not be your brightest and most fortunate future. There had to be something you could do.

Even if it meant going to the Love Café.

In other words, an easy gig to financial heaven, in exchange for sexual pleasures of course. You walked into your bedroom and sat down in front of the wooden vanity, clicking on a dim, flickering bulb to help illuminate your face as well as its lifeless expression which stared back at you. It didn’t take more than ten minutes to pat your skin with some emptying makeup and thinning pans of eyeshadow. Then, you fixed up your hair and chose a simple, mute-coloured dress from your closet, immediately swallowed by the large winter coat you cozied into.

You hurried quickly down the corridor, ignoring the muffled shouts from your argumentative neighbours bleeding through the nickel-thin walls, past the barking dog which jumped against the door, scratching its nails whenever you waited for the elevator, and you didn’t even spare one glance at the very strange man who always hovered in the central lobby and watched you ignore his coos every single day. By the time you arrived outside the Love Café, you were breathing like a marathon runner. Despite the cold weather, you felt a sweat run like a breeze down your temple as you wiped your face before heading inside.

The space felt warm. Everything was red, pink, or white. And when you inhaled, the air smelled like a note of rose petals and candy. It was surprisingly easy to sign up for a ‘Love Card’ at the front desk.

“This card has twelve punches per service with your partner. If, by the end of the twelfth punch, you’re not looking to pursue something serious with this individual, you can pay for another Love Card. If you do manage to find, ‘the one’, then congratulations, and well wishes. Since you’re a first-time client, you get twenty-five percent off your first card.”

Whoever the lady was, she seemed less than enthusiastic as she pushed a cherry-red paper across the counter with a finely manicured nail. You thought she must have given this spiel so many times, the script probably haunted her in her sleep. Nonetheless, you thanked her, and heeded her direction when she advised you to choose any of the free tables, marked with a pale rose. For some reason, you picked the very last table amongst the row and slid yourself onto the uncomfortable, white chair, the metal back moulded into the shape of a heart.

Whoever reserved the table wasn’t exactly punctual. About half an hour after being seated, ordering yourself a tea, and examining the different clients who filtered in and out the café, you were beginning to assume the worst. That they cancelled. Flaked. Decided to pull from the service and direct their affluence elsewhere. As you titled the last few droplets of tea around the base of the cup, feeling utterly depressed and bored, you heard the little bells clink above the door, followed by a gasp from the employee at the front desk. Considering her microscopic range of emotion, you figured whoever entered must be some flawless rarity.

“Jeonghan!” She fixed her slouched position. “I wasn’t aware you made a reservation today. I haven’t seen your name in the system.”

“No worries. I set an anonymous appointment the night before. After all the chaos I caused last time, I figured it’s best to stay under the radar. I know I’m late. I was finishing up a term paper.”

“That’s quite all right. Here, I’ll just quickly renew your information. One moment… Okay, Yoon Jeonghan, you’re all set.”

At that, your eyes practically bulged right into the teacup. You’d heard his name in some conversations with a few university friends, before you had dropped your program. His father was an inventive in the fashion industry for nearly a decade, and his brand was considered high-end luxury, with people forking up the big bucks just to wear a piece from the collection. His mother recently begun a perfume company. In fact, you had a bottle from her Sunrise series sitting on your vanity, though you used each spritz very sparingly considering its outrageous price point. According to the most recent gossip, Jeonghan had ended his relationship with a model who’d been strutting his father’s cloths.

You couldn’t believe he was here.

No – even worse, you couldn’t believe he was making his way toward your table. It had to be some sort of mistake. How could it be that you chose to sit here? Was the universe attempting another cruel joke?

His visual seemed even more daunting outside his photographs in the magazines. Beyond a glossy page, he was softer. Thick hair, shiny and dark brown, which swooped beneath his ears and parted smoothly at the forehead. His lips were the same shade as the windowsill roses, as well as the high arches in his cheeks. But then, he was sharper too, with a trim, angular jaw and such a defined yet judgemental brow. You had expected anyone else but him. And now, this esteemed, much too beautiful man had come to the very last table, wearing an expression of waning curiosity. Or, as you interpreted it, clear-glass disappointment.

Before Jeonghan seated himself, he untucked his phone from his coat pocket and clicked a side button to check the time. He then sniffled, looked straight at the wall, and sighed. Despite your now devoted wish to disappear, you attempted to begin a conversation that wouldn’t backfire.

“Yoon Jeonghan. I’ve heard the name. It’s nice to meet you.”

He settled one arm on the table, tapping his fingernails.

“Yeah. I’m guessing you’re not a regular here—” he then peered over at your bright red Love Card placed by the teacup to say your name.

Bouncing your leg underneath the table, you nodded. “No, not really. I’ve been debating for a while if this was a choice I should make, but I can’t seem to have ends meet doing anything else. So, I came here.”

Already, Jeonghan looked painfully bored. He stopped tapping his fingers and leaned his chin against the hand instead. You knew it was the insecurity barking. Unnecessarily, you apologized to him.

“I’m sorry, I know I’m probably not the woman you’re expecting and I get that. I wouldn’t be all that offended if you wanted to save the Love Card for someone else or—”

Out of the blue, Jeonghan laughed, though he attempted to mute the sound by digging the bend of his index finger between his teeth. Your sentence trailed off with an awkward, dying breath. He suddenly leaned back in his metal seat, shaking his head apologetically and pulling back some of the soft hairs from his eyes. You felt utterly confused.

“Sorry, sorry,” he smiled, “didn’t mean to discourage you there, sweetheart. I’ve just never had someone apologize for—well, their looks.”

“I-I don’t know,” you lunged for damage control, “I just thought you seemed disappointed and I… Well, I haven’t done this before, so I don’t really know all that well how it works. I… I should stop talking…”

It felt as though someone had swatted both your cheeks in an iron-slap, because the skin was stinging hot like never before. You knew he was staring at you, probably thinking to himself that you were a train wreck waiting to happen. Afterward, an employee visited the table to collect your emptied teacup, and asked Jeonghan if he’d like anything to drink. Refusing to look elsewhere but the clenched fists in your lap, you waited for the employee to leave once Jeonghan rejected the offer. He’d pulled out a piece of paper and a pen from his pocket. Uncapping the pen with his teeth, you watched him sloppily scribble something down.

“My number.” He said, sliding it across the table. “Listen, I’ve gotta go home and proofread that term paper before I submit it. Just send me a text, okay? I won’t be free for a few days, anyways.”

“Oh, okay.” You sniffled.

Quite frankly, you couldn’t comprehend that he was still interested in pursuing something venereal, even when you had embarrassed yourself like a circus act. He rose quickly from the table and wrapped the waistband of his coat tight around his small waist.

Staring down at the paper, you blurted out, “are you sure?”

Jeonghan titled his head. “Am I sure of what?”

“Never mind.” You answered. “I’ll text you later.”

“Okay.” He nodded, on the verge of walking away when he abruptly stopped himself. “Are you always this nervous?”

Caught off guard by his question, your elbow whacked the edge of the table and you meekly stuttered, “I-I don’t know…”

You were more than positive he was going to ghost all your texts.

To a degree, you were correct.

Over the course of the following week, you sent Jeonghan at least three texts, each on separate days, only to be rewarded with a demotivating lack of responses. You knew he was a busy individual who probably didn’t have much time to waste on promiscuous affairs, let alone a committed relationship. So, you tried very earnestly to not feel upset or unimportant at his methods – even despite the series of required payments glaring you down from those white envelopes scattered atop the kitchen table.

And then, during the black, late hours of a snowy Friday, you received a reply. A surprisingly urgent one which detailed that you make it to the downtown Opal Studio before eleven o’clock, as there would be a backdoor entrance left unlocked for your access. He mentioned a storage closet underneath a staircase, worded very sternly as: … Wait inside, and do not make yourself known. I’ll see you there shortly, and ensure you leave without being spotted. Uncertain of what the situation would entail, you phoned a cab and payed the driver using some remaining funds from a paper note purse. The studio’s front was a smooth, velvet black, with a wide window which illuminated several mannequins wearing Mr. Yoon’s newest issue. Each outfit cost a pretty penny.

Like you anticipated, Jeonghan was late to meet you in the storage closet; however, you were at no point going to scold his blatant disregard for scheduling when he’d pressed you tight against the door looking the way he did. Buttons popped down the chest of his unwrinkled dress shirt, sleeves cuffed to his elbows, and his neat, styled hair beginning to dishevel around those intense eyes. He braced his hand beside your head, studying your lips as though they were glittering.

“Can I kiss you?” Jeonghan asked. The question seemed to rumble from deep in his throat and you felt your knees weaken.

You nodded immediately, allowing his hand to frame the side of your cheek as his warm, soft mouth nudged against yours. It was gentle for a fleeting touch, and then there was pressure, teeth, a slick tongue running across your bottom lip and leaving you in such a sensual daze that you just stood there with a parted mouth. Jeonghan definitely knew what he wanted from you in that moment. And he wanted it quick. You were flipped around, chest pushed against the door, skirt hiked up impatiently as the fabric ruffled around your hips. His hand slid between your thighs to rub you through the thin pair of underwear, pressing firmly enough that you could feel the cold, thick rings on his fingers.

Eagerly, you began a slow gyration of grinding against Jeonghan’s touch while simultaneously biting down hard on your bottom lip, knowing embarrassingly well that you were already sticky and soaking and ready for him to use you like a designated fucktoy. He was rather flush to your backside as he dug the heel of his palm against your clit, so much yet not enough between the cotton. Something about his scent was beyond arousing, and it gripped to him like a web. An expensive cologne no doubt, mature, raw, and ocean-fresh. You heard the sound of his belt being whipped open, followed by a zipper.

“Alright,” Jeonghan hummed, passing a hand up his length, “let’s make this quick. Gotta be back upstairs in five to finish the measurements and tapering and all that boring shit. Now, just be a good, quiet little girl for me, sweetheart, and this’ll be a cake walk.”

Your mouth stretched into a low, whiny groan as Jeonghan held your underwear aside and began to sink inside of you, his hips stalled against your skin. His light breath then fluttered at your ear, “bet you’d make such a perfect toy to keep my cock nice and warm. Feels so perfect, being this deep inside you, sweetheart.” He shuddered against you, thrusting once, twice, slowly and teasingly dragging himself out before ramming right back in to pinch you against the door.

“Fuck,” he cursed between his teeth, “life would be so much easier if I could just keep you right here on my cock, wouldn’t it, baby?”.

Undoubtedly, that smooth-talking tongue of his was going to be an impending problem. You don’t know where he got off exactly on such scandalous thoughts, but you were too consumed in your own lust to care. The way he fucked you against that door with one hand scraping at your hip and the other wrapped up your throat, fingers pressing hot into your drooling mouth to keep you quiet, it was more bliss than a one-way ticket to Eden. Jeonghan timed his orgasm appropriately, slipping himself from your warmth at the last second and finishing himself off using the hand which had been maintaining your silence. His breaths were slow but husky in the aftermath, his fingers painted in cum.

“You wouldn’t want to use that pretty mouth of yours to clean this, would you?” He laughed.

Before you could respond, Jeonghan had grabbed some paper towels left to sit on a shelf and cleaned the mess himself. Then, as though nothing had happened, he asked if you were carrying that damn Love Card before you could even flatten down the wrinkles in your skirt. You grabbed the small note purse you set down next to the paper towels and revealed the obnoxiously coloured card. Jeonghan smiled.

“That’s the one.” He took a dry erase marker from the shelf and wrote his initials in the first circle.

“Here,” Jeonghan proceeded to offer back the card, “one session down. I need to scram. The hall should be clear at this hour, but have a cab ready just in case you need to bolt fast. Oh—before I go, you got the money to pay the driver? It’s no problem if you’re short. I can cover.”

“N-No, I should have enough.” You answered.

“Cool. I’ll transact you tonight.” Jeonghan nodded, tucking in his shirt rather poorly before slipping past you to exit the storage closet.

One week later, you were at the entrance to the library, pulling open the door with a big, cold huff. It was much warmer inside. You were beginning to feel the tips of your stiff fingers again.

Despite your service at the Love Café, you wanted one last time to test your luck on a receptionist position at the downtown hair salon, simply because you would think better of yourself if you weren’t relying chiefly on Jeonghan to pay your bills. His last transaction had been more than you anticipated. Finally, you were able to erase that huge electricity bill, and you still had enough of the money left over to supply some warm meals for the next few days. If you could just submit your newest resume to the salon, then you might be able to permanently cover the groceries.

Except, you needed access to a computer.

Ever since you tipped over a glass of water onto your old laptop, it had stopped working properly, and the library was the only place close by which let you use the computer room without fees. However, as you peered in through the backroom window to find an open space, you realized just how crammed full it was. Judging by everyone’s intense typing and unblinking eyes, you weren’t going to steal a seat anytime soon, which pulled out a frustrated sigh as you fiddled with the USB in your pocket. You thought about heading home, until you saw Jeonghan.

He was seated at the distant left corner, leaned back comfortably in the chair while he examined something on his laptop. A gym bag was slid underneath the table, and he was dressed as though he had some sort of sports practice; quite the contrary to his usual crisp, ironed shirts and heavy winter coats courtesy of brands you couldn’t pronounce. He seemed concentrated, chewing on his thumb nail while he tapped the touch pad. In fact, he didn’t notice that you had approached him until you said his name quietly from across the table and his eyes flickered.

“Uh, hey.” Jeonghan replied, sounding bothered while he pushed his thumb harshly against his bottom lip. “Didn’t expect to see you here.”

“And I didn’t expect to see you.”

He shrugged, maintaining his uninterested glance on the laptop screen. “Well, I’m looking over some notes. Last minute stuff.”

You nodded. “What’s with the duffle bag?”

“My friend Joshua – he’s been making me coach this Peewee soccer team with him at the Greenfield Dome.” Jeonghan puffed out his chest, letting an arm fall loosely to his side. “Those kids are insane. They have too much energy. I shouldn’t have let that bastard sweet talk me.”

At that, you giggled, though immediately hushed yourself when the librarian came by with a metal cart, filled with books to shelve. You stepped around the table to move out of her way. Jeonghan pulled out the chair beside him using his foot and nodded that you take a seat.

“What are you doing here?” He asked.

You reached into your pocket and pulled out the USB.

“I need to upload my new resume. I mean, I probably won’t hear anything back from this place, ‘cause that’s how it usually goes. But, whatever. Thing is, I busted my laptop, and now the computer room is filled up. I’ll just come back later and hope it’s cleared out.” Staring down at your shoes, you avoided Jeonghan’s gaze. “I know I’m doing this Love Café stuff, but it would still be nice to have my own income, you know?”

“I get that.” He replied, scratching at his collarbone. “I’ve already got my laptop here and everything. You can use it, if you want.”

“Really?” You smiled wide. “Thanks.”

Jeonghan closed a few tabs that he’d been rotating between before sliding his laptop over to you. Wriggling the memory stick into the small slot at the side, you logged into your email account through the main search engine. As long as you could send your resume to the salon before they closed their application deadline, then you would hope for the absolute best, even if it was an unstimulating, lacklustre gig answering phones and scheduling hair appointments all day. Just as you went to drag the file into your email, Jeonghan’s laptop froze.

“Uh, Jeonghan,” you whispered, “nothing’s moving. Do I just wait? Does this normally happen? Did I screw something up?”

He shook his head and laughed. “Relax, relax. It’s been doing that a lot recently. I figured out if you hold down these keys—” Jeonghan suddenly scooted his chair in very close, his thigh pressing against yours as he reached a hand underneath your arm, the other lightly nudging your fingers off the keyboard, “then it goes back to normal. See?”

“O-Oh, yeah. It’s working.” You stuttered, not all staring at the specific keys he clicked because the side of his face was much too pretty.

Granting you access to the keyboard again, Jeonghan leaned away, though he didn’t move his thigh from yours even an inch. It was almost concerning how flustered you felt. Jeonghan had literally pinned you against a closet door and fucked his own hand right in front of you, and yet, your heart was fluttering tenfold. In a much different way. And it lit this spark of fear and adrenaline at the core of your chest like gasoline hitting a wicked flame. You detached the USB stick, logged yourself out from the email account, and moved quickly off the seat.

In a hurried breath, you said, “thanks so much!” and proceeded to leave the library as though someone were trailing you with a pitchfork.

While it was embarrassing, you knew it was necessary. There was no way you were going to crush on that boy. It was strictly business.

Tired. Aching.

Uncomfortable moisture covering the slopes and divots of your body. You didn’t think there was anything left inside you for him to so commandingly take, like his name were inked to your each and every limb. And yet, Jeonghan wasn’t ready to let you rest. The mattress dipped behind you, the heat of his chest sticking to your back, the weight of his erection pressed right at your tailbone. While his lips kissed softly up your neck, Jeonghan slid his hand in between your thighs to continue pleasuring you, ignoring the responsive whimpers attached to your sensitivity. He’d already brought you to two orgasms, though you were sensing the overbearing rush of a third.

An index and middle finger slid down to your entrance, the contact beyond slippery, a sort of wet velvet, and you hardly recognized the sensation unlike the first time he’d touched you. Jeonghan hooked the digits deep, using the heel of his palm to rub a thorough friction against your clit. Working faster and faster, his laboured breaths fanned hot across your neck while he sharply concentrated on making you starry-eyed. It was pain. It was bliss. It was exactly what you wanted most and everything you couldn’t endure at the same time. You came heavily, screamed as the pulsation at your core felt almost violent.

Unable to fully ride out the pleasure, you attempted to curl away from Jeonghan, hiding your face in the pillows and further tilting your hips. However, the boy followed your movement. He stayed snug to your back, practically leaned over top you with the latter arm braced next to your head while his hand pounded and pounded. The amount of liquid gushing onto his fingers and spilling down his wrist felt almost comical, and you were certain that you had never orgasmed so intensely in your life. To make matters worse, it seemed as though he’d taken that little memory box in your head filled with all your language and tossed it right out the damn window. You couldn’t form one word other than sobs.

Jeonghan breathed a light, shaky chuckle beside your ear. “Trying to run from me, sweetheart? When I can make you feel so good? Look at how much you can take, honey. Such a good girl when you cum so fucking hard ‘round my fingers I can barely move them.”

The sound of his digits sliding out from your entrance was the most impure, salacious noise you didn’t know could exist. Rolling slowly onto your back, you saw the immediate coating on Jeonghan’s hand and the drops beading down his wrist. He caught one with his tongue, licking all the way back up like he was cleaning the juice from a melted popsicle, and you almost couldn’t watch him. In fact, you were exhausted. There wasn’t anything left for you to offer, and the thought of moving from his bed when your core felt this utterly sore and your muscles this tight set a perfectly timed cue for your eyes to fall shut. It was heavenly.

Nonetheless, Jeonghan had a very specific rule. There was no staying past your session, and he was often strikingly clear about it. But  this was the first time you’d been pushed to such a degree. He must be able to recognize that it was only a short nap you needed, and perhaps a quick minute under the shower to rid your skin of the sticky sweat.

Out of the blue, something was tossed onto your face. It was your t-shirt earlier stripped and thrown to the floor by Jeonghan. Cracking an eye open and peeling away the fabric to hang loosely from your grip, you sighed. He had already slipped back into his exercise pants.

“Seriously? I’m exhausted.”

He threw a loose flannel over the long, beaming red scrapes that you had clawed down his back, shaking his head with a huff.

“I’m not saying you need to get out right now. I’ve got a dinner with the parents at eight.” Jeonghan proceeded to drop the rest of your undergarments onto bed. “So, you gotta be gone by a quarter to, alright?”

Swallowing dryly, you nodded.

“Alright.”

The next morning, you were seated on the edge of your bed, staring with bleary eyes at the smooth, red Love Card that was initialed to its fifth circle, leaving only eight more sessions with Jeonghan. Though you approached the café with nothing more than an intention to earn money (even if the sex would be inexplicably dull), you were beginning to presume that there was more to this business than you thought. Because the sex wasn’t dull. It was concerningly amazing. And the very man who you had sworn to maintain a no-strings-attached type relationship with was throwing you for a loop. But he was boundary driven.

Be ready to go by this time. No sparkly clothes. Leave nothing in the washroom. Don’t show up here. Don’t show up there. Don’t text me unless this. Don’t call me unless that. Jeonghan knew very explicitly that you were a simple trick to relieving his stress and fulfilling his sexual desires, yet, anything further than that was laughably impossible. And, besides, it’s not like you needed to be in love or have this dazzling, perfect boyfriend. There was too much on your plate already.

You had gone to bed in a thick wool sweater, layered with the heaviest comforter you had due to the broken heating. Ignoring the cold, your next-door neighbours had found themselves in another drunken argument, forcing you to hear the unnerving crack of beer bottles and an outrageous number of insults, ranging from the very straightforward, ‘ridiculous bitch” to the audacious, “go fuck yourself, narcissistic prick.”

Thankfully, the dramatics ended just before three am.

You set the Love Card back on your nightstand. After you splashed mild water onto your face from the sink, you started multitasking, attempting to brush your teeth and remove your pyjama bottoms at the same time. Then, there was a knock at your door. You spared a glance through the peephole while the toothbrush hung from the corner of your mouth and the frigid air hit your bare legs. Upon recognizing the face reflected through the fisheye lens, you nearly choked on the mint-flavoured spit collected at the back of your throat, which forced you to unpleasantly compose yourself at the kitchen sink.

He knocked again, and you pulled the door open almost immediately, probably appearing as though you just hiked through the wilderness. Jeonghan’s eyes widened as he smiled at you.

“Damn. Sleep well?” He remarked, looking you up and down.

You were in the midst of a yawn as you answered. “Um, yes. I-I mean no. Wait, I don’t know what I’m saying. What was the question?”

Jeonghan nodded. “I’ll take that as a no.” He then reached into the pocket on his flannel coat. “Anyways, I have your phone. You left it on my bedside table the other night. Figured it’s kind of useful, I guess.”

“Oh my god. I did that?” You winced, realizing you must have been so tired and discombobulated from Jeonghan blowing your brains out that you forgot. “It won’t happen again. I’m sorry.”

“It’s not a big deal.”

Leaning your temple against the door, you sighed. “How was that dinner thing with your parents? Was it any fun?”

The boy shook his head, pulling out his car keys and tossing them from hand to hand. “No. It was all business bullshit. What they want me to do with my future after I graduate uni. How to be responsible with my money since they think I’m gonna blow it in a few years. Trying to structure my life around stuff I don’t really give a damn about.”

“O-Oh…” You frowned, “well, was there at least good food?”

Jeonghan stopped playing with his keys and titled his head at you. “Yeah,” he said, his eyes gentle, “they had great red velvet cake.”

Unfortunately, your neighbours must have woken up and decided it was a little too peaceful at such an hour, because you heard a loud, clanging thump echo from the room beside yours, like someone had dropped a metal pot or pan on the ground. Of course, the yelling started.

It didn’t last nearly as long compared to the night before, just a few scolding comments which were ultimately muffled. You wondered what Jeonghan was thinking as he blinked at the neighbour’s door and realized how despairing the narrow, dimly-lit hallway looked. After visiting his high-end apartment numerous times based in the luxury core of the city, with its beautiful architecture and sparkle, you were frankly a bit humiliated he was witnessing this drab part of your life – the reason you were seeking his service in the first place. You apologized through your teeth for the commotion, though Jeonghan merely shrugged.

“It’s better than nothing, right?”

“Yeah, that’s true. But those two next door can be a handful sometimes. I don’t get it. If they hate each other, then just break up. Get divorced. It’s like they want to be miserable on purpose.”

“Bet you wish you could get the hell outta here, huh?”

“All the time.” You replied wistfully. “I’m thinking of going to the mall today, actually. I need a new bath towel. Whatever gets me away.”

“You want a ride there?” Jeonghan asked, shaking his keys.

At that, you smiled a little too wide. “Maybe.”

Carefully, you picked up a thin, glass bottle of pink perfume from the display counter, tilting the liquid back and forth as the lights gleamed off the gold nozzle. Everything inside the store was diamond bright and almost blinding, while the air smelled strongly of expensive floral. The employees were tailored in smooth, sophisticated suits, which made you more petrified than usual to touch anything, hence your very delicate inspection of the perfume as you waited for Jeonghan to finish his conversation with the front clerk. Since his father’s collection was sold at the boutique, Jeonghan seemed to have a cordial relationship with the staff, and they had recognized him almost immediately.

As most of their merchandise was quite expensive, you always ignored the boutique until Jeonghan suggested you stop by. It didn’t help that there was actually some cute clothing begging to be bought, though you knew one swift glance at the price tag would change your mind. You brought the perfume bottle close to your nose and inhaled lightly.

“What does it smell like?” Jeonghan asked.

You sniffed again. “It’s sweet, though it’s not strong.”

“Let me smell.” He said, and so you raised the bottle up to his nose. Jeonghan wrapped his hand around yours as he took a breath, shaking his head in disapproval. “That’s all wrong. I don’t like it.”

“It is kind of high schoolish.” You told him, setting the test bottle back onto the counter as though you were laying down a jewel. “I just need a new scent, you know? I actually love that one bottle your mom did, the summer tropic one. It’s so peachy but mild. I’m running out.”

“For real?” Jeonghan laughed, his eyes skipping over the different shaped containers. “You use one of my mom’s perfumes?”

“Um, yeah. Have you even smelled the tropic one? It’s amazing.”

“I don’t hang around her laboratory too often.” He replied. “It gives me a big fucking headache. Smells like this place times a hundred.”

You shrugged. “I guess that’s understandable.”

Suddenly, Jeonghan had latched his hand around your elbow, pulling you around to the opposite side of the counter. He grabbed a tall, slim bottle that was made from foggy glass and a chrome silver pump.

“C’mon, give me your wrist for a second.” He said. “Try this scent. I don’t know why, but it reminds me of you.”

Pulling up your sleeve, you stuck out your wrist and allowed him to spray a thin layer against the skin. Then, you sniffed the area. At first, your forehead crinkled as you attempted to decipher its concoction of notes. There was something a little fresh and cool, but then there was this oddly mature hint of a distinguished floral scent. You couldn’t pinpoint the flower, but it was certainly addictive and very intriguing.

“It’s called Orchid Night. Smells great, right?”

“Yeah,” you smiled, rolling your sleeve back down “just don’t tell me what it costs. It has to be at least fifty bucks.”

“Try sixty-nine,” Jeonghan corrected, “plus tax, don’t forget.”

Immediately, you grabbed the bottle from his hand and returned the perfume to its small podium on the countertop.

“Well, let’s put it back before we break it.”

Jeonghan smirked. “I could buy it for you.”

For a split second, you were tempted to succumb, though you snapped from the thought at the last second and shook your head.

“No way. I wouldn’t let you, anyways.”

He buried his hands in his pockets, rolling those gold-copper eyes of his. Jeonghan made sure to purposefully bump into you as he walked down the bright aisle toward the clothes. “Honestly, you’re so boring, man. That scent, on you? It would be sexy.” The boy then turned around to smother you with a burning gaze. “But, fine. Have it your way.”

You hurried after him, scoffing lightheartedly to camouflage the fact your heart was beating like a broken pendulum. Jeonghan had stopped at a rack of neatly pressed clothing to sort through the hangers.

“My way is the better way,” you smiled, “always.”

Jeonghan moved the long-sleeved button-up he’d been eyeing back onto the rack, merely blowing out a puff of air.

“Yeah, yeah.”

“Besides, I still need to get my bath towel.”

“We can find it on the bottom floor. At the new essentials store that just opened up. The Shower Duck, I think.”

“The Shower what?”

He couldn’t help but cackle while repeating himself. “The Shower Duck. You thought I said something else, didn’t you?”

When you were too tongue-twisted to reply, Jeonghan decided to place his fingers softly on your chin, holding your head still as he leaned in very closely to whisper, “you’re such a dirty girl, you know that?” You almost hated how casually he pulled away and continued to examine the clothing, as though he hadn’t just murmured a lascivious comment into your ear while the employees were standing a mere few meters across the store. More than anything, you desired the courage to deservingly tease him in return, to break that relaxed little shtick of his. Except, you weren’t confident nor subtle enough to attempt anything in public.

But when your eyes landed on that brand-new lingerie set wrapped primly on the nearest mannequin, you had a wonderful idea.

“No, are you being serious? Why? Why?”

His blunt fingernails sunk into the leather arms of the desk chair, scraping upward, as equally frustrated with your cruel antics as he was aroused and impatient. Maybe it was somewhat meanspirited to strut the thin, beautiful lace and ribbons curled around your body in a baby pink, and indeed, there was a moment where you pondered leniency, though, you severed the thought, because Jeonghan would surely tear each garter and bow from your outfit like it hadn’t cost anything at all. Pursing your bottom lip, you smiled, sinister and cold.

“I am being serious,” you stated firmly, nearing closer to his desk chair, “your hands won’t touch a single part of me, Jeonghan.”

He glared up at you with a dark, flickering fire in his eyes,  as if he were already weighing the consequence to breaking such rules. You began to sit comfortably on the boy’s lap, curling your arms around his neck while maintaining the intensity of the stare.

“And, if you do, I’ll grab my things and leave. It’ll just be you and your hand, for the rest of the night.” Purposefully, you brushed delicate lips, featherlight, along his warm, red-tinged ear, to which you could practically feel him harden underneath you upon the whisper, “and there’ll be nothing you can do other than remembering how good it felt when I was in your lap, grinding down on you, baby boy, just like this.”

Slowly and with focus, you rolled your hips in a deep, smooth gyration, ensuring Jeonghan felt the heavy pressure against all the right places. His hands keened for your waist, so you immediately reminded him of your unnegotiable rules, forcing them to settle on the arms of the chair. He drew in a sharp breath. And then, he started to laugh, like a beaten protagonist receiving their first, acrid taste of defeat. Jeonghan titled his head back to smile very lazily at you.

“Evil.” He said. “You’re fucking evil.”

“Mmhm,” you agreed, continuing the unhurried, steadfast pace of your hips rolling back and forth, observing with poorly hidden glee as the boy lost his smile, “but you’ll still cum, won’t you, Jeonghan?”

Before he could sneak in a clever rebuttal, you adjusted yourself even lower onto his lap, digging your nails down the back of his neck as you circled a thorough motion against his erection. Admittedly, it was difficult to maintain the domineering act. Even through the black material of the slacks, his cock was managing to create a friction with your lace underwear, a friction so rough yet fruitless that you were already tempted to take him, full and aching inside you. In order to distract yourself, you licked the tender side to Jeonghan’s neck, looping your tongue in a messy, warm pattern overtop a sensitive vein.

“Ff-fuck,” Jeonghan stuttered, scraping harshly along the chair, “you devilish little girl, c-can’t believe you’re g’nna make me cum like this—b-but it feels so damn good the way you’re moving, baby.”

You suckled until you’d drawn a shiny, wine-coloured hue to the surface of Jeonghan’s skin, to mark a dark bruise as a keepsake. He kept breathing through a parted mouth, each exhale shakier and more erratic than the last, his knuckles hard like stone while they gratingly tensed and betrayed his frustration at not being able to touch you. With slow, teasing hands, you began to drag them down his chest, nails clawing at the expensive fabric of his dress shirt. Jeonghan squirmed. He clenched his jaw and cursed rough under his breath. You focused on where his cock was poking you to apply the most dizzying pressure thus far, rolling your hips until something inside Jeonghan snapped and you felt him cum.

“Jesus—fuck!” He shouted, the loudest you had ever heard the boy, and there was a notable tear in his usually soft voice. “Keep going, keep going,” Jeonghan panted, squeezing his eyes shut, “keep fucking moving just like that, sweetheart. A-Ahh, ff-fuck, feels s-so good—"

At the pulsating sensation right beneath your core, you submitted to Jeonghan’s wish and continued grinding down, even if you were beginning to tire at your lack of stamina. However, there came a point where you were too breathless to maintain such a pace, so you trickled to a halt and steadied your hands on his firm shoulders. He tossed his head back, neck leaned against the edge of the chair. The hazy, glass look to his brown eyes and the rose glow smeared on each cheek made it appear as though he’d just touched down from heaven. As you shifted slightly in Jeonghan’s lap, you noticed the white stream of cum that had soaked through his pants, and that somehow, he was still hard.

“I didn’t know you could beg, Jeonghan.” You remarked, grinning, meanwhile attempting to catch your breath.

He shook his head. “Don’t expect it too much.”

“Well, I can tell you’re satisfied, either way.”

He chuckled, brushing some of the loose hairs from his face. You felt his hands settle upon your waist’s bare skin, warm and squeezing. In that moment, you just didn’t possess the same acuteness to scold him.

“Almost,” Jeonghan huffed, “but, what do you suppose you’ll do to please yourself, sweetheart?” He leaned forward, until his forehead was just a sliver away from bumping yours, the boy sliding a hand down your abdomen and beneath the lace underwear. As he stroked the tips of his fingers along your slit, he smirked. “I’ve never felt someone so wet before, dripping all over my fingers and I’m barely touching you. Did it turn you on that much, sweetheart? Feeling my hard cock right underneath this needy pussy of yours?” Jeonghan teased with a smirk and a low, calm tone. You couldn’t tell if you wanted to duct tape his mouth shut or allow him to keep talking, as there was something about his honeyed voice which wound you up like clockwork.

Yet, before you could even start the syllable of a response, Jeonghan pushed you strongly from his lap, his hands glued to your waist as he guided you to stumble against the bed. Your back hit the mattress, the sheets puffing up around you. And then, Jeonghan was kissing you, lips clashing messily while he took advantage of the switched power dynamic to run his hands over your every inch. One second, they were cupping your breasts overtop the baby pink bralette. Another second, they were grabbing at your ass and kneading so desperately. You were being ravaged. It was overwhelming, it was gratifying, it was needed beyond belief.

“Hey,” Jeonghan said, separating his mouth from the side of your throat to stare at you with an oddly sentimental eye, “before I get all up in your guts and everything— you look beautiful. Even if you did choose this outfit to be a big fucking tease.” His fingers brushed down the edge of your jaw, and he smiled at you in a way that wasn’t clever or teetering on sarcasm. Your heart leapt like a little frog in your chest.

“Really?” You questioned him, not because you didn’t believe the lingerie suited your figure, but rather, you weren’t expecting this sweetness from someone who was always so quick to get rid of you.

He nodded, raising a suspecting eyebrow. “Yeah, really. What, you think I’m lying to you or something?”

“No, I don’t think that,” you answered quickly, curling your fingers into the bedsheets, “I just—I wasn’t… Uh, never mind.”

“Alright,” Jeonghan laughed, lowering his head to delicately kiss your cheek, and then your neck, “you’re a bit strange sometimes, you know that?” He mumbled against the sensitive skin, even daring to dig his knee between your thighs to make you increasingly pliable.

“I-I know,” you stuttered, unable to help your embarrassing voice crack. But you still smiled, letting Jeonghan explore and pleasure your body with an uncharacteristic tenderness for the remainder of the night.

Twelve am.

Usually, at this time, you’d be at the bottom floor of his apartment complex, seated by the lobby water fountain. You’d be examining your face with a pocket mirror, awaiting the yellow taxi cab, and trying to avoid eye contact with the wealthy businesspeople filtering from the elevators in glamourous congregation.

However, tonight was different.

Tonight, you were in Jeonghan’s bed, with a white sheet covering the lower half of your bodies, an ear pressed to his bare, warm chest while you breathed him in like the wind on a bright summer’s day. You felt his fingertips trace long figure eights down your spine and then dance back up to the subtle curve of your shoulder blades. Sometimes it tickled, other times it was a touch so soft it was hardly there, and in between you thought he might have been tracing words. The room was quiet. But good quiet— the comfortable quiet. And then you heard Jeonghan speak into the crown of your head while his hand stilled at your waist.

“Did that salon ever call you back?” He asked.

You sighed, focusing on your thumb which brushed a small freckle on his pectoral muscle. “They emailed me, and said their position was already filled, but that they’ll try to look for another opening.”

Jeonghan rubbed your hip. “That’s good, right? I mean, they didn’t just flat out reject you. They’re gonna keep you in mind.”

“It’s better than what I’m used to getting,” you answered, pressing your lips together and tilting your head up at him.

And, that’s when it struck you, like someone had just clanged a bell right beside your head. You were still in Jeonghan’s bed. You were still in Jeonghan’s apartment. You were still with Jeonghan. Feeling as though you’d broken some vastly significant cardinal rule, you operated on a strange basis of panic and autopilot, already seated at the edge of the mattress while you tucked your underwear back on.

“I’m sorry,” you spewed, reaching for your shirt next and straightening it out frantically in your lap, “the time escaped me. I-I know I have to go. And, my Love Card, I think it’s in my purse or—”

“Can you slow down?” Jeonghan laughed, casting a hand through his loose, disarrayed hair which you had admittedly tugged earlier in the night like your life depended on it. The boy’s arms circled around your midframe, hugging your back to his chest. “I don’t care about that stupid card right now,” Jeonghan hummed into your ear, “stay.”

At that, you almost choked. “Stay? You want me to stay?” You repeated dumbly, dropping the inside-out shirt back onto your lap.

The coldest shiver split down your spine as Jeonghan buried his face against your neck, taking a breath of your scent, kissing your skin.

“Yeah,” he purred, now pecking the soft spot behind your ear, “I want you to stay. Or, if you really want to go home, I won’t stop you.”

“No,” you replied almost immediately, melting into his voice, his touch, his body, “trust me, I’d rather be here.”

Jeonghan’s arms relaxed their snug grip.

“I figured that.”

Even though you had strongly protested the idea, Jeonghan succeeded at wearing you down akin to an ocean tide forming whorls into rock, and now you were seated before your vanity with an array of makeup scattered at your fingertips as you prepared for a dinner. His parents were going to be there, in addition to some business partners and close friends, which sounded like something from a hellish nightmare. In fact, Jeonghan himself didn’t seem all that eager to attend. He’d been sprawled across your bed for the past half hour, with the long drapes of his coat fanned around him, as he flipped through an old magazine. You were certain he just didn’t want to tough another dinner alone.

After focusing a spritz of perfume to your neck (the orchid one, bought by Jeonghan, because he was very insistent that you not smell like his mother) you shut off the vanity lights and sighed.

“I think I’m ready… Physically though, not mentally.”

Jeonghan yawned, tossing the magazine aside before he pushed himself to sit upright on the bed. He rubbed at his eye.

“Trust me, it’s not going to be the big, royal midnight ball that you’re picturing. My parents have these dinners all the time. You’ll be the centre of attention for a few minutes, and then it’s pretty much just business central from there. You’ll be lucky if you can even get a word in. I stopped trying months ago.”

You smiled at him, feeling slightly better about the situation, and took one last, scrutinizing glance in the mirror. The dress was simple yet elegant, a mute shade of dark blue with a beaded, crystal belt that you had forgotten about, as you discovered it laying behind a stool shoved in your closet. The fabric had an elastic tightness to it and was hemmed shorter than you remembered, just above your fingertips. You tried not to judge or overthink the figure which reflected in the vanity glass, or what Jeonghan’s parents might assume upon their first introduction to someone who was so clueless on their accolades. It was merely a dinner.

“Stop worrying so much,” Jeonghan hummed, sensing that you were at the forefront of a spiral. His hands settled to your hips and he caught your eye through the mirror. “No one is going to judge you, or poke fun at you, or say anything mean. I promise.” He then grabbed your winter coat off the bed, helping you slide into the arms, and even doing up the buttons. “You’re gorgeous.” Jeonghan said, tapping your chin.

It didn’t help that he could fluster you so easily.

Joshua wasn’t at all who you expected him to be, while simultaneously encompassing everything you would indeed expect from the position of Jeonghan’s closest friend. He was a juxtaposition personified. Slick, ash blonde hair combed into a handsome wave, eyes which twinkled like the restaurant’s diamond chandelier, and a soothing voice which could be a cup of warm milk on a frosty day, though his interactions with Jeonghan portrayed him as childlike and frivolous. He greeted you, at first with a quick hug. You heard him exhale deeply.

“Wow,” Joshua commented, retreating to shake your hand, “you smell amazing! I mean—well, I hope that doesn’t sound weird.”

You laughed, and wondered how someone could smile with such a prettiness. “Thank you! I’d be upset if you didn’t notice, actually.”

Joshua continued to shake your hand. “Oh, yeah, agree. It’s wonderful to meet you. Jeonghan’s been trying to hide you, it seems.”

“Go shove a break stick in your mouth,” Jeonghan scoffed, blowing a loose piece of hair from his eyes, “and stop shaking her hand like that. You’re gonna snap her whole arm off.”

Finally, Joshua released his grip, and your arm fell back to your side like a limp noodle. His cheeks were starting to turn pink.

“I was not. Anyways—” he nodded at you, “like I said, nice to meet you. I hope we’ll talk more tonight and I’ll pick your brain.”

“Sure thing,” you answered, waving the boy off as he returned to the dinner table before facing Jeonghan. “He seems nice.”

“And totally into you. I haven’t seen him shake someone’s hand like that since I introduced him to Elouise from France. He’s gonna turn into a lost puppy all over again. Bet he’ll try to sweet talk you later.”

“Can’t wait.” You grinned, already giggling through your teeth.

Jeonghan c0nsquently thwapped your forehead with his finger.

However, meeting Jeonghan’s parents was starkly different than the good-humoured Joshua. They both appeared cross, and firm, and before you had even shaken their hands you were forced to wipe yours against your dress. The father was a bit softer around the edges, showing you a pleased smile that reminded you instantaneously of Jeonghan, while the mother was stone-faced and seemed as though she hadn’t slouched since birth. Even when she complimented your fragrance, there was a tartness to her voice which made it sound disingenuous.

“Well, Jeonghan,” she said, clasping her hands together, “I’m glad to finally see you with a lovely lady on your arm. I didn’t think it was possible that you could settle for someone after being with Baejin.”

“Oh?” The father piped up, “you’re my son’s girlfriend?”

Before you could respond, Jeonghan had beaten you to it.

“No, she’s…” he bit his lip hard, “she’s just a friend. Mom kept nagging that I always come to these dinners alone, and she was down.”

For some reason, it felt like someone had pierced a pin straight through your heart – a very tiny hole which shouldn’t hurt all that much, yet stung like flesh to orange, glowing metal. In fact, there was a visible shift in your countenance, from a nervous smile to a sunken frown, but you were able to veil it very quickly and pretend nothing was wrong. Why should you feel so disappointed that Jeonghan had introduced you as a friend? The promiscuous nature of your relationship didn’t immediately loop you two together as soulmates, or lovers, or even the mildest beginnings of boyfriend and girlfriend. You tried to refocus yourself.

Jeonghan’s mother nodded. “Even if she isn’t your next Baejin, it’s nice to meet a new face. The dinner talk might bore you no doubt.”

“No, not at all—” you forced a smile, “I’m just excited to be here.”

It was easier to endure the night than you thought, because true to Jeonghan’s word, the conversation was a bunch of business lingo that you didn’t exactly understand, with the occasional question flitted to you by Joshua who sat across the table. You had completely emptied your glass of ice water, and were halfway through your wine when two fancy, tuxedoed servers stopped by the table to collect everyone’s dishes. A distant relative was seated to Jeonghan’s right, and they had swept him into a discussion of whether or not he was interested in pursuing his current degree or if he would abandon it to work fulltime for his father’s brand. Meanwhile, Joshua had whisper-shouted your name.

You raised an eyebrow, “what?”

“Are you getting dessert?” The blonde asked, already shoving a small, plastic menu to his face. “I can’t decide what I want.”

“I guess so,” you picked up an extra menu sitting by a purple wine bottle and started to browse the list of decadent food.

Joshua sighed, “I usually get the cheesecake… but, I’m torn. What if I want the caramel apple baked pudding with black truffles?”

“The caramel apple baked what?” You questioned, laughing from the absolute mouthful that Joshua just worded so effortlessly.

“I know, I know. It’s a jumble. But my family and I come here all the time so I’ve gotten these names down pat. What are you thinking?”

“Um, I’m not sure. I’ve never been here before, actually.”

His eyes, glistering and delighted, locked with yours. “Can I recommend you something, then?” Joshua said while smiling. “Red velvet cake. It’s right at the bottom. Not to mention the slice is huge so there’s always leftovers for the next day. It’s a favourite here.”

The relative responsible for dragging Jeonghan into another trite conversation concerning his future had excused themselves from the table. He was finally able to return his attention to you, and you slid over the dessert menu so he could pick something. You noted that Jeonghan’s hand had fallen onto your thigh, right at the hem of your dress, and you could only surmise that trouble was brewing. Joshua took a sip from his water glass, then settled it back on the table while subtly eyeing you.

“So, I’ve never seen you around before. Are you in school?”

You tapped your nails against the white table cloth, shaking your head, “no—I had to drop my program. It just wasn’t what I thought it would be and, well, I took a huge hit financially. So, no school.”

“Not everything is going to be a bullseye,” Joshua said, “I’m sure there’ll be more opportunity down the road. This other friend of mine, his name is Mingyu, he does this thing called the Love Café—” the boy then gestured to Jeonghan, “and I know he’s done it once before. Have you heard of it? Maybe it’s not up your alley, but I hear it’s good money.”

The suggestion had quite visibly stunned you. It seemed that Jeonghan was intent to keep the foundation of your relationship as covert as possible, which prompted his ‘friends’ comment before dinner, therefore you had no choice but to follow the rouse, even if the boy was currently sliding his hand further up the inside of your thigh, pushing inch by inch under your dress. Jeonghan didn’t contribute a single word.

“Um, the name sounds familiar. I’ll have to look it up.” You then glanced at him, hanging his head over the menu like a child who forgot their glasses, probably hiding some million-watt smirk.

“Are you having dessert?” Joshua asked his friend.

Jeonghan sat up straight, nodding, “I am.”

“The red velvet cake?”

“Vanilla ice cream. The one that comes on the skillet.”

“Oh, that one’s seriously good,” Joshua groaned, “ask them to put a chocolate chip cookie on the side. It gets all warm and—”

“Joshua,” the young lady beside him, probably in her late twenties, with petal-shaped, twinkling eyes similar to his and ice-like smooth skin, suddenly wrapped her hand around his arm, “can you come outside with me for a few minutes? I think I left my wallet in the car.”

He pushed out his chair. “Sure thing—guys, I’ll be back in a few. I need to help my cousin. If the waiter comes, order for me please.”

While you might have promised Joshua to follow through on his unnecessarily complicated apple pudding, such thoughts were quick to be discarded the moment he’d left the table, as Jeonghan had given you much more to think about. The boy’s hand was wedged between the apex of your thighs with two fingers pressed flat against your underwear. You felt heat, and the faintest burning of pleasure, one that yearned for you to start a gentle undulation against his hand because your unruly body was already eager for stimulation. Jeonghan picked up his wine glass.

“What are you doing?” You tried to shelter the whisper from the table’s guests, hoping the business speech was too engrossing.

As laid back as an ironing board, Jeonghan took a long gulp from his drink, swishing the wine from cheek to cheek before he swallowed. He set the wide-rimmed glass back down and wiped his mouth.

“What do you mean, ‘what am I doing?’” He said, raising an eyebrow at you as though you’d conjured a make-believe tale. However, the instant he started to slide up his index finger so it could push firmly against your clit, a smirk penetrated that complacent expression.

You grabbed his wrist, stared him dead in those honey-brown eyes. “Are you insane?” the whisper was harsh, “we’re in public.”

He tilted his head indifferently. “What’s your point, love? I get to play with your pussy whenever I want. It’s mine now. Remember?”

The dirty-mouthed comment split a fire beneath your cheeks like a flint cracking steel. Not only that, but Jeonghan studied each minor contort of your face as he slipped two digits beneath your underwear, brushing his fingertips ever so softly around your sensitive clit. You gulped, dry and gritty, hating that your thighs were starting to spread.

“Jeonghan!” A voice called his name from down the table.

Fear gripped your poor heart like latex glove. It was an older relative, asking him to pass down the remaining bottle full of wine.

“Oh, such a nice boy!” She chirped.

You nearly gawked at the remark considering the immoral placement of his hand and what he was doing. On the contrary – as much as you wanted to be embarrassed for allowing Jeonghan to touch you in public viewing– he knew his talents much too well, and the manner in which he used your own arousal to lubricate the massaging motion of his finger to your clit was an astounding bliss. Your legs fell wider apart, inviting him to explore a more rigorous touch, and that’s when Jeonghan curled his two fingers inside of you until his knuckles couldn’t fit.

Before your pinched expression could be caught by anyone at the table, you looked straight down at your lap, watching his wrist work beneath the navy-blue fabric. In fact, very faintly, you could hear the squelch from his digits pumping deep and slow into your warmth. Your bottom lip was quivering as he drew them out, now running the long length of his fingers upward to graze beneath the hood of your clit. He repeated a stroking gesture. It triggered the nerves to swell and pulse.

“I see Joshua walking back,” Jeonghan murmured, an arrogance thick in his voice, “and you don’t want him to find out about this, do you? Or, maybe I’m wrong.” He slid his entire hand beneath your underwear and cupped your centre, squeezing like he owned it. “Maybe you want him to know you’re such a whore of a girl that you’ll take my fingers anywhere. I mean, look at how much you’ve opened your legs, and I didn’t even ask you to. I love when you behave just for me, honey.”

Joshua collapsed back at the table with a huff, combing some snow flurries from his hair. “We found the wallet.” He said.

Yet, you couldn’t even bring yourself to face him. Jeonghan had spread your lips with his index and ring finger, using his middle digit to make rhythmic, deep circles around the bud. An erotic whine escaped your teeth and Joshua’s eyes widened; his face tinged with concern.

“Are you alright?” He questioned. “Did you get a Charlie horse?”

“N-No, I’m fine, really.” You composed yourself with a weak smile, and took a sip from your wine. “I got one of those rib pains.”

The blonde boy winced. “Ouch, those hurt big time.”

Honestly, you didn’t think it was possible to endure dessert without revealing to some degree that you were being, well, stretched open by Jeonghan. It was sheer torture staring at the waiter while he took your order, knowing the boy was lazily pumping his fingers inside you with a half-smirk seated so comfortably to his face. When that huge, delicious slice of cream red velvet cake was placed before you on the table, you could only fork a few pathetic bites, and when Joshua offered you to try a spoonful from his warm apple pudding, you nearly squealed the word no as Jeonghan rolled your sore clit between his fingertips. The most egregious aspect to the entire daubable was that the boy stripped your orgasm from you at the very last second, like stopping a rollercoaster just before it tips over the downhill plummet.

“How was the ice cream?” Joshua asked him innocently.

You observed with horror as Jeonghan brought that sinful hand to his mouth, lapping his tongue against his two fingertips as though he were actually savouring a sweet and flavourful vanilla.

“Delicious.” He grinned, catching your mortified stupor from the corner of his eye. “I’d taste it again in a heartbeat, Shua.”

Dropping the slice of bread into a shallow bowl, you used the spatula to submerge it underneath the milk, egg and cinnamon mixture until it was completely coated. Then, you slid the bread onto your buttered frying pan to let its surfaces crisp and brown. Since you began utilizing the service granted by the Love Café, life at your depressing excuse for an apartment was becoming more bearable, though your ultimate goal would be to ditch the paper-thin walls and insult-spewing neighbours once money was no longer a prevalent issue. You were still insistent on supporting yourself too, if you could ever score a job.

You flipped the bread onto its opposite face, pressing it down with the spatula as the pan sizzled and the butter popped. A few days had passed since your last intimacy with Jeonghan, and the proof would have been stamped to your Love Card if the boy had actually written his initials like usual. The thing was, Jeonghan – who had always been so firm and unwavering on the rules of the café – was now skirting about the regulations as though they were optional. There were days when he didn’t even initial the card, but still delivered his transactions. In fact, you were almost positive that sex had happened more than twelve times and that you could be renewing your card if wanted (you didn’t).

As silly and cliché as it sounded, you liked Jeonghan. You constantly thought about him and missed him and wondered what he was doing while you were trapped in bed listening to another argument between your spiteful neighbours. There was always a deep, electric pounding in your chest upon weaving the tips of your fingers along his skin, touching him, exploring him. Yet, when he held you close, tucked your body tight against his like there was nothing surrounding you but ice, comfort found a home in your belly like a warm, homecooked meal.

After spilling some icing sugar and strawberries across the toast, now fried a delicious shade of golden-brown, you took a seat at the counter and dug in. There had been an occasion where Jeonghan brought you breakfast after warping your legs into complete gelatine (you had no idea that kitchen table sex could be so fiery and passionate), which proved to be a pleasant morning, where you could still feel the softness of his thumb as he kindly brushed some whipped cream from your bottom lip. You sighed, sticking a strawberry into your mouth. How foolish it might be to fall this far and this devotedly for someone like him.

But you didn’t want to stop yourself.

In fact, you reached for your phone across the counter, swiped into your messages, and decided to be bold. You texted him.

[  9:29 AM ]: Hey! I know that I’m not supposed to send you anything unrelated to our business lol, but

[9:29 AM ]: Just wondering if you’re available to grab a coffee with me or something along those lines?

Setting the phone down and turning it over so you wouldn’t be tempted to helplessly wait for a notification, you continued eating. After scraping the last few pieces of toast and syrup around the plate, there was a vibration and a quick, ding! Strangely, you were starting to sweat.

[ Jeonghan | 9:34 AM ]: Sorry. In a lecture rn.

Of course, your surge of bravery immediately dehydrated, and you decided it was best to pretend that you hadn’t asked him anything at all – for your confidence’s sake. The next two hours were spent cleaning the kitchen, taking a short walk outside the complex to feel the Northern air refresh your face, and finally, a long bath, in which you nearly fell asleep and drowned as the steam lulled your eyes shut. While wrapping your body snug in that new, hot pink bath towel, you heard a knock at the door. You assumed it was the painter who occupied the room directly below yours, as you had borrowed his vacuum the night before, though you weren’t exactly raving at the thought of answering him in a towel.

However, by squinting through the fisheye lens, you were shocked (and greatly relieved) to discover that it wasn’t the middle-aged painter dressed in his splattered, dirty overalls, but Jeonghan.

And he was holding a drink.

You unlocked the door.

“Uh, hello after all. What are you doing here?”

He smiled at you and held up the cardboard cup, “my lecture ended, and I thought I’d do you a solid. Couldn’t remember if it was two sugars-one cream, or two creams-one sugar. So I tossed a coin.”

“What exactly was the result?” You giggled.

“Heads,” Jeonghan answered, “two sugars-one cream it is.”

“You’re lucky that’s correct.”

Accepting the warm cup from his hand, you set it carefully on the kitchen counter. When you returned to the door, Jeonghan was evidently ogling you. He really suited the image of a casual university student when he wasn’t dressed to gems and jewels in his sumptuous clothing.

“I knew the hot pink towel would look good on you.”

You rolled your eyes. “I’m not dropping it, so forget it.”

“Whoa,” he chuckled, shaking his head, “I didn’t ask you to drop it, sweetheart. I’d rather you not actually, with this door wide open and everything.”

“Did I really just hear that from you, Mr, Dinner Table?” Folding your arms, you stared him down with an accusing expression.

He held up one finger in defense. “First of all, that was under the table, so unless someone bumped their fork or something, then we were pretty much safe. This is you dropping your whole towel right in the doorway like there isn’t a weirdo probably peeping you across the hall as we speak. And I’m not letting anyone look at you like that, ever.”

“Fine,” you sighed, hoping he couldn’t spot the flustered heart pumping your chest beneath the towel, “you’ve made your point.”

Jeonghan checked his silver wrist watch, “fuck. I gotta get going, need to be at the studio so I can be a taper dummy again.”

“Oh, okay,” you nodded, “talk to y—”

Suddenly, the boy was cupping each side of your face in his hands, and his lips pressed soft but quick to your forehead. Jeonghan then pinched your thigh under the towel, a gesture which felt oddly endearing rather than sexual, before he left the corridor.

“Later!” He’d called.

Shutting the door, you returned to your seat at the counter, holding the coffee cup up to your mouth as you took a small, nervous sip.

How could you let yourself fall this easily for him?

Jeonghan’s washroom was somehow nicer than your entire apartment, and you were fairly certain that your eyes had never seen so much white-grey marble, all squeaky-clean and aglow with lights. He’d shot you a text roughly an hour ago, right after he was released from the painful effort required to keep Joshua’s peewee soccer players in check, wondering if you were available to come over. Of course, the innocence to the term ‘come over’ was nothing more than a euphemism, a means of sugar coating what Jeonghan actually intended: to be inside you no doubt. And since the boy was so drained and unwilling to instigate any work himself, Jeonghan decided that a steaming, hot bath should do.

Well – a bath which involved you seated on his dick. The tub was dark grey tile, square-shaped, and practically the size of a small jacuzzi. It even had a bench to sit on. While it had been difficult at first to simply cockwarm the boy – when all you could feel was how deeply he spearheaded into your sensitive spot and how this shock would ripple from your abdomen at even his gentlest movement– you knew he wasn’t looking to make things quick and temporary. Therefore, you settled into his lap, wrapping your arms around Jeonghan’s neck while his circled your waist beneath the water. Both of you were starting to fall asleep.

“Jeonghan,” you whispered, lifting your head from his shoulder, only to remember that you were indeed naked and this heat lapping around you was definitely not a blanket, “can I tell you something?”

With his eyes still shut, he nodded, his fingers digging appreciatively at your hips. “Of course you can, baby.” He replied, his voice sounding deeper than usual as he orientated on the edges of sleep.

Smiling, you combed through the damp hairs at his nape, your voice reverberating like a musical instrument off the marble. “Remember the salon place? They called me two days ago, said they had an opening for me and that I could start next Monday. I… I wanted to text you about it, like, as soon as it happened. But I wasn’t sure if I should.”

“What? Really?” Jeonghan was staring at you now, his head straightened from its leisurely position against the edge of the tub and cocked with interest. The fact he seemed so intrigued, that you could read the genuine excitement building up in those brown eyes, had almost made you happier than the salon’s phone call. “Congratulations!” He leaned forward to kiss you, pecking your lips chastely the first time, and then slower come the second, his hands squeezing your thighs.

After a tiny laugh, you sighed contentedly. “Thank you. It’s going to be so nice having my own cashflow and everything. And if I can work my way up and become like, a kickass hair stylist? Can you imagine?”

“Should I grow my hair out more so you can practice cutting it? You’ve got a steady hand, don’t you?” Jeonghan asked, mostly teasing, as you could imagine his parents harping him during his next session at Opal Studio if he looked as though he’d ran through some hedge clippers.

Returning the affection, you kissed the rosy tip of his nose. “I think my hands are pretty steady. We’ll find out I guess, and we’ll know for sure if a huge chunk of your hair falls to the floor.”

Your laughter immediately mingled, and you hid your smile against the boy’s neck, a very moonstruck, loopy smile which felt like riding a blazing comet between the stars. If you were legitimately able to climb higher amongst the business, then you could picture a life in which you didn’t need to lean on Jeonghan and the Love Café for financial support. In fact, there were moments where you felt rather dirty using his money even when he was completely insistent on such matters, like buying food and paying off bills. You held tight to a certain hope, that you could become independent again, and maybe, just maybe, be able to keep this beautiful boy whom you once thought would hate you.

His fingers tapped up your spine, urging you to face him.

“Seriously,” Jeonghan said, “I’m happy for you.”

“I know,” you answered, so quietly he could hardly hear it.

And then, you decided to kiss Jeonghan, placing your damp hand upon his cheek while your mouths slotted together. The contact had lost its grace almost instantly, and the kiss turned from a sweet gesture to a sensuality so thick you could feel it swelter the air and pool between your legs. He offered his tongue for you to suckle by sliding it smoothly into your mouth, and from there, Jeonghan’s intended relaxation had vanished. His hands grazed to the front of your body, reaching up and sliding back and forth over each breast. It wasn’t until Jeonghan began massaging his thumbs in circular motions around your nipples that you moaned into his mouth, a sound which flicked a smirk to his face.

Once his lips were shiny and slick with your saliva, he moved each kiss down the side of your neck, now pinching at your nipples, even twisting gently and making sure to ease the dull throb by rubbing them afterward. It was becoming unbearable. You needed to move. However, the second you started a rhythm in Jeonghan’s lap, he shook his head.

“Be still,” he told you, lightly gripping your chin.

The desperation in your whine was horribly apparent, almost soaking each word. “No Jeonghan, I-I can’t do that anymore—” ignoring him, you continued to grind your hips and move the water around you, feeling his engorged head tick against that one spot of insane pleasure, “I need t’cum now, all over your cock.” With every bounce in his lap, you begged, “please, please, please.” This prompted Jeonghan to grab your waist much tighter than usual and slam you down, holding you still.

“No, not like that,” he grunted, and you wondered if his control was simply otherworldly or if he was just that talented at hiding how good he felt. “I’ll make you cum, sweetheart,” Jeonghan nodded, “but you can’t move. I just want you to sit there, all the way down.”

He then leaned in close to your face, nearly pressing his forehead to yours, and that’s when you felt his thumb brush with a featherlight, fleeting touch across your clit. The sudden stimulation jerked your body. Jeonghan bit his lip and grinned while continuing the sensitive touch, the pressure becoming heavier with each minute that passed. Your thighs started to tremble, and your moans were echoing around the washroom.

The honeyed dirty talk crawled up Jeonghan’s throat. “You’re such a cute little cocksleeve, sweetheart,” he purred, titling his head as he rubbed his thumb faster, “oh, look at you, baby. Shaking and crying and taking it like it’s the only thing you’re good for—” a messy kiss to calm you down, thin strings of saliva hanging in the air each time your mouths separated, “I bet you’re gonna cum for me soon, right?” The boy encouraged, keeping his forehead flush to yours so he could observe with utmost clarity the beautiful contortions of your face. “I know you are, sweetheart. Because it feels so good, right?” You nodded frantically, digging your fingers into his neck like a cat sinking in its claws. Jeonghan’s thumb pushed beneath the hood of your clit, directly massaging the soft bud, and the pleasure inside you leapt to a new high which made you dumbly lose all sense.

“Cum.” Jeonghan commanded so gently, his gaze burning against your eyes, squeezed shut. At the straightforward word, you allowed the sensation to swallow you like a current, and the hot, teary cry you mewled had been quickly snuffed as the boy pushed his lips to yours.

“Can feel you clenching so fucking tight around my cock,” he chuckled, digging his nose into your hair and speaking warmly beside your ear, “and how much you’re throbbing right under my thumb. Must feel so good, sweetheart, cumming all over me like such a good girl.”

You slumped against him, overwhelmed, emptied, and breathing so heavy that you were afraid the oxygen might dwindle completely from your lungs. The fact Jeonghan could remain so composed while buried to the hilt in your heat was something else that frightened you, though, in the moment, you preferred not to think about it, instead concentrating on the distant sensation of Jeonghan drawing galactic shapes to each your shoulder blades.

Hopefully, he’d let you stay the night.

Once you started the receptionist job at the hair salon, you had bumped into Joshua on a Friday evening. While his platinum blonde look was indeed enchanting and princely, he complained that it was difficult to maintain the roots, and that he often found himself back in the stylist’s chair for a touch up. He’d come in on a whim. Luckily – due to the late hour – there was an open seat, and Joshua puffed a great sigh of relief as he hooked his jacket onto the salon coat hanger. Curious if there was more behind the reason to his abrupt appearance, you conversed with him while he waited for the stylist to tidy up her work area.

That’s when Joshua informed you of the Opal’s Galleria Night, a fashion exhibition which would display Mr. Yoon’s newest edition for his upcoming Spring line. Joshua seemed surprised that you hadn’t known about the Galleria, or, that Jeonghan hadn’t mentioned it to you. Oddly enough, Jeonghan had been radio silent the past three days; not a phone call, or a voice memo, or even a text. Yesterday you had hoped to catch him stuck in the books at the library, but the area where he usually sat was occupied by a study group of freshman. It concerned you a little.

An ungraceful quickie in the washroom after his three-hour lecture ended on Tuesday was your last encounter. Not to mention, there was only one more opening left on your Love Card.

“He didn’t say anything,” you told Joshua, pretending to act indifferent “so… I don’t think he wants me there. It’s not a big deal.”

Yet, that’s not how you truly felt. There had to be some reason for the boy’s keeping you in the dark. Did he not want to explain the ‘friends’ trope to all the Galleria members, like at the dinner? Or, was he thinking that you wouldn’t be interested? It wasn’t easy to seem unphased.

“Jeonghan doesn’t need to invite you,” Joshua had said, “cause I’ll invite you myself. Mr. Yoon said it was more than  fine if I brought someone along. So, why not you? It’ll make the night more fun.”

At first, you vehemently rejected the invite, no matter how sweetly Joshua attempted to rope you into a night of free perfume samples, delicious catering food and a chocolate fountain perfect for dipping strawberries. However, when the hair stylist pulled Joshua away to fix his darkening roots, you had much time to mull over the offer, and even the fact you felt poignant about dismissing it. As you tapped a pen against the desk, staring out the window into the grey, dulling sky, you convinced yourself there could be no harm in attending the Opal’s Galleria Night. Besides, you and Jeonghan weren’t cast in stone. He probably wouldn’t bat any eyelash anyways, knowing his eased nature.

And so, you caught Joshua just before he left.

You told him you’d changed your mind.

When Jeonghan first saw you at the Opal Galleria, it was from across the ballroom that had been temporarily converted into an exhibition space, stood next to a mannequin draped in a cherub-pink slip dress. Almost comically, he gagged on some sparkling champagne held in a thin and tall glass, though he recovered smoothly as to not interrupt the conversation his father was sharing with the dense crowd. You waved at him, not too noticeably of course, but he either didn’t catch it or had decided to ignore the gesture. Shrugging, you tried not to overthink it.

Mannequins were lined up along both sides of the ballroom, adorned in the mild tones baring semblance to Spring, with the blips of baby blues, clementine oranges, and cream violets transforming the Galleria into an acrylic painting. Jeonghan’s mother took the opportunity to offer some spritzes from her most recent line, which had both you and Joshua smelling like a tulip garden. While exploring the room with the blonde boy, you stopped to examine a mannequin dressed in a relaxed, high-waisted pant and a lace camisole that seemed breezy and flowing. This collection was definitely tamer compared to the usual extravagance you had always seen through the store windows and in magazines.

“Would you wear it?” Joshua asked, chewing on a strawberry that he might as well have plucked from thin air.

Tilting your head and squinting, you took a moment to contemplate. “If it was my size I might, if I could find a price hanging off somewhere. But I don’t want to even touch it. Mannequins are weird.”

“No prices are usually displayed at the Gallerias,” Joshua informed you, “though, I will agree. It’s probably a Toy Story thing where they all start moving at night when no one’s here. Spooky, huh?”

You sighed at him, “thanks for the nightmare material.”

Suddenly, there was a tap to your bare shoulder, and you nearly yelped like a cat with a stepped-on tail as Joshua laughed between bites from his juicy strawberry. Turning around, you were met with Jeonghan, who had this flat-lined, unenthusiastic smile hardly touching the corners of his mouth. He looked rather agitated in fact, and you felt cold inside.

“Hey!” Joshua exclaimed, punching his friend’s arm. “Finally escape your dad’s novella-length speech on the pink slip?”

The crowd once gathered around the mannequin had started to disperse, with the visitors now exploring the rest of the outfits.

Jeonghan hardly payed any mind to his friend, throwing out an impatient, “yeah, it was whatever,” before he began questioning you. He started with a rather inhospitable, “why are you here?”

“I invited her,” Joshua announced, “since I ran into her at that salon place. I thought it would be nice and everything. The Gallerias can get pretty stiff if you come alone. Plus, there’s chocolate fountains.”

He appeared nettled, like he’d woken up and spilled coffee on his favourite shirt. You couldn’t place the exact emotion, nor could you identify the reason behind Jeonghan acting as though there were one-hundred choice words waiting to zap off the tip of his tongue. For an instant, you wondered if it would be worthwhile to question him, though there was a shout of the boy’s name and you spotted his parents beckoning him over from across the exhibition. Jeonghan merely rolled his eyes, disappearing just as quickly as he’d arrived to accompany them.

You folded your arms concerningly. “Do you know if something’s wrong? I haven’t seen him like that before.”

Joshua dropped the rest of the strawberry into his mouth. “He’s probably stressing over something. I wouldn’t worry too much. He’s not really one to blow up or get all in your face. I’ll talk to him later.”

Seeing as there were others who wanted to examine the camisole mannequin, you and Joshua seated yourselves at a tiny table right beside the chocolate fountain and catering foods. Though, you were unable to quell the curiosity at what Jeonghan was needed for, prompting your eyes to wander as unnaturally as possible in his direction. He’d just pulled a young woman into a hug, and she was positively gorgeous, dressed in a silk-fabric dress, form fitting and ruby red, with an elegant slit parting up to her right thigh. Her ponytail was slicked shiny as though her hair had been styled professionally, and she flaunted a dreamy smile that reminded you of a vintage female heroine.

And then, like a slap to the face, you realized she must be the woman whom Jeonghan’s parents seemed to be obsessed over.

Baejin, his ex-girlfriend.

She mentioned something into his ear, and they became giggly, the two pulling in again for another short hug. Jeonghan’s father gestured back to the pink slip mannequin, and the four walked over to discuss it for the umpteenth time. You wondered if she was going to be modeling some of the clothing. The assumption felt correct as Baejin touched the dress’ delicate fabric and the beaded, glimmering string tied around the tiny waist. Quickly, Jeonghan fetched the girl a champagne glass, the two drinking together while the father appeared to be entering another in-depth explanation. And, perhaps dignifiedly so, you were feeling mislead and upset. You speculated if this could be the reason for him to keep the Opal Galleria a secret – Jeonghan didn’t want you to catch even a glimpse of him reuniting with Baejin.

They hardly portrayed two ex’s who were now settled on different chapters to their lives. The longer you stared, the angrier, yet, more confused you felt. As you thought before, the odd relationship between you and Jeonghan was not set in stone, and it certainly didn’t ignite with the intention of actual love taking a blossom to your doorstep. It could be that you were jumping to conclusions, misreading things, or disillusioned by your tendency to wishfully think. Nonetheless, the sight still hurt.

Joshua bumped your elbow.

“Are you hungry at all? The scent from the catering tables is getting to me. I can grab a plate for you, if you want.”

With a sigh and a fragile smile, you shook your head. “No, I’ll come with you. Besides, you don’t know what I like anyways.”

“Fair enough.” Joshua agreed.

He stuck out his hand for you to take while rising from the chair.

Grabbing a small plate, you started at the end of the catering table and began making your way down, using the plastic tongs to serve yourself some spring rolls. Joshua filed after you, instead taking a bowl and scooping up some of the fresh zucchini pasta. Admittedly, you had lost your appetite after watching Jeonghan act so cordially with Baejin, though you were determined to not let the plight sour the otherwise enjoyable night you were having with Joshua. Once you reached the chocolate fountain, you swore a sparkle jumped into his eye.

“Why are you so obsessed with the fountain?” You had tried not to laugh as you asked the question.

The blonde boy looked aghast. “Because, it’s beautiful!” He picked up a strawberry arranged neatly around the base, dipping the edge briefly beneath the chocolate. “I mean, how can they make it so delicious and velvety? When I came to my first Galleria, I spent like, half my night just standing by the fountain, eating the fruit.”

You couldn’t help but think Joshua was adorable, and you grinned at him, “well, maybe I don’t have as much of a sweet tooth.”

“Just shush up and try this.”

He held out the strawberry, inviting you for a taste. At first, you paused, wondering if there was some flirtatious intention behind the gesture or if Joshua was just being his overtly kind self. And then, you held onto his wrist and took a bite from the strawberry, the warmth of the melted chocolate satin-smooth against your tongue.

Wiping the edge of your mouth, you nodded. “It is pretty tasty, actually. Let me try dipping it. You make it look weirdly fun.”

After setting down the catering plate, you took Joshua’s strawberry while he picked up a new one. Together, you pushed your fruits beneath the streaming chocolate, twisting it at the green leaf to fully coat the sides. So it wouldn’t drip, you immediately took a huge bite with a hand placed just below your mouth, humming contentedly.

“Okay,” you mumbled, still chewing, “I can see why you like this so much. I think I could get addicted to chocolate strawberry dipping.”

“Me too,” Joshua chuckled, “oh! Look, there’s whipped cream here and I didn’t even see it!” He set down his plate beside yours and grabbed the bottle like an eager little child. Popping off the cap, Joshua shook the can and pressed his fingertip against the nozzle, spraying a white-frosted peak onto the top of another strawberry. You copied him, though you had accidently sprayed too much. Once you licked the cream off your finger, you poked the entire fruit into your mouth like a funfetti-sized cupcake. For some reason, Joshua started giggling at you.

“What?” You glared at him playfully. “What’s wrong?”

Rosy tinges flushed to the arch of Joshua’s cheeks. “Uhm… Well, l-let me just—” he stuttered, cupping his hand gently to your face, his thumb brushing at a spot right below your bottom lip. “You had some whipped cream on your… chin slash lip. Sorry about that.”

“O-Oh, it’s okay.” You were stumbling yourself, tongue darting out instinctively to ensure there wasn’t anything still there.

At random, you felt this prickle tiptoe up the back of your neck, a sensation that was hardly perceptible yet singeing enough for you to notice it. Gulping, you peered toward that faceless mannequin draped in its pink slip dress, toward Jeonghan, Baejin, and his parents who were enthralled in a conversation with her. Jeonghan was glaring so blatantly at Joshua that you’d forgotten how to speak, and you couldn’t even pronounce a single word of warning as the boy started storming his way across the ballroom.

His grip was on your elbow like a viper’s teeth.

“Geez, where’d you come from?” Joshua said, though he was  able to note the tension this time, and Jeonghan’s surly behaviour.

“I need to talk to you,” Jeonghan murmured by your ear, ignoring Joshua yet again, “in the hall just outside the exhibition.”

You didn’t want to agree. Strangely enough, you felt this urge balloon inside you, an urge to cause a gigantic scene with screaming and thick tears and unnecessary curses, because as much as you wanted to dismiss your anger, there were jealous, wronged feelings inside, on fire and itching to escape from your gut. Miraculously, you held your composure, and announced to Joshua that you’d talk to him later.

Jeonghan then tore you into the empty hallway.

It was like a lightning bolt, how quickly he exploded.

“What do you think you’re doing?” Jeonghan ranted, pacing back and forth as the distant echo of music bled through the wall. “Seriously, I don’t text you back for like, three days, and you’re already going on a date with my best friend—” he softened his voice in a purposefully mocking way, “letting him get all delicate with you, feeding you all lovey-dovey style and wiping that cream off your lip. Did you think I wouldn’t see it?”

“Excuse me?” Your brow instantly creased like a folded map, and you felt an intense ache hit the front of your skull. “Um, you’re one to talk! How come you didn’t tell me about the Galleria? Because you didn’t want me to see you with your arm around your ex’s waist? Because you don’t think I’m good enough to show off to your parents?”

Jeonghan gawked at you. “Baejin? For real? You think I’ve been secretly dating her behind your back or something?”

“How am I supposed to know?” You barked, tucking your arms defensively across the chest. And, while it might have been too early into the argument to pit such a statement, you had already started bubbling, and you knew there was nothing to snuff your fire. “Besides, you hardly ever get back to me apart from when you want to fuck!”

At that, the boy was momentarily stumped. What sounded like a rebuttal fizzled at the back of his throat, though it faded away. The silence worried you, because it echoed a confirmation that Jeonghan might’ve actually never seen as you as anything more than an outlet to alleviate his carnality. That, once the Love Café ordeal was finally over with, he could forget you had ever existed like erasing a mistake of smudged lead. The thought made you glassy-eyed and thus, terribly vulnerable. However, you also craved the truth to your relationship.

“Just admit it,” you beseeched him, “admit that you want me only for sex and nothing else. Is that why you didn’t bring up the Galleria? Because you think it’s easier to shove me in the dark when it’s convenient for you? Is that why you were acting so mad?”

He skimmed a hand exasperatedly through his hair. “I don’t know what you want me to say. I’m not dating Baejin behind your back, I have never once thought you weren’t good enough to show off to my parents, and I didn’t purposefully hide the Galleria from you.”

“Right,” you scoffed, “but you’re fine with labelling me as a friend and pretending like we don’t hook up every week.”

“It’s…” he clenched his teeth and growled in frustration, “it’s complicated, alright? Can’t you just accept that?”

“Complicated?” A shudder coursed down your spine at having to repeat the boy, and the tears sprung from your eyes with such a sharp sting that it became impossible to hold them back. You felt each drop, cold and runny, drip along your face. “That’s the word you’re going to use? You’re going to look straight at me, after the entire span of our relationship since the Love Café, and tell me we’re summed up best as complicated?” Again, the word struck you like a stiff punch. If he was going to regard your connection so trivially, then you didn’t care whether or not he knew the verity of your heart. Like it would affect him anyways.

“I would’ve said we were in love,” you shrugged, watching his expression drop in a mere instant, “but—sure, let’s call it complicated.”

And, with the tears shining like salt stars on your face, you stalked out the building into the softening winter weather.

You didn’t know it could be so difficult to ignore someone, especially when you were supposed to hate them. The effect Jeonghan had on you was almost phantom-like; a constant lingering, even if the boy himself wasn’t palpable and poised right before your eyes.

It had been three days since the outburst at the Galleria. That night, you cried, and wept, and broke out the amber bottle stored beneath your sink which was only sipped from in occasions of complete misery – very well suited to the situation at hand. You had questioned calling the Love Café’s customer service desk to issue a termination of your card, and, at one point, you were standing drunkenly by the toilet contemplating your decision to rip up the red paper and flush it. Though, nothing ever came of either idea. Instead, you faceplanted onto your bed and allowed the intoxicated dizziness to fade black. The next morning, you were faced with multiple texts from Jeonghan, missed phone calls, voice notes. But you didn’t listen or respond to anything.

Complicated. That was the word you kept hearing.

Absolutely not, you had thought that morning, you weren’t ready to speak with him, even if the temptation seemed like it could be promising. The air was still too bitter. And you couldn’t handle another argument.

On the second day after the outburst, you were seated at the receptionist desk in the salon, flicking through a magazine while you became increasingly mindless to the humming of the blow dryer and the potent fragrance of the hair products. When you glanced out the window, you nearly combusted, as both Joshua and Jeonghan were about to enter the salon together, hurrying in from the melted snow and winter’s final downpour. You hid in the breakroom until they left, forcing your co-worker to take your position at the desk. Joshua was apparently getting his hair trimmed while Jeonghan had asked about you at the reception.

“He’s gorgeous!” Your co-worker had immediately gushed to you in the breakroom. “Why are you avoiding someone like that?”

“It’s complicated.” You’d phrased it simply.

Dang it. You hated the fact you’d used that stupid word.

But, on the third day, most of your bitterness was gone.

After breakfast, you were back at the vanity mirror to prepare for work, and while you buffed some makeup to sit seamlessly on the skin with your puffy foundation brush, there was a knock at your door. This time, you didn’t bother peeping through the fisheye lens, because you knew exactly who it was – damn his persistence. Jeonghan’s brown hair had been slightly mused in the wind, and there was a glow as soft as a peach to each his cheeks. But that easygoing, relaxed smile was by far the most heart fluttering. He extended a coffee cup to you. When you reached out, Jeonghan suddenly pulled the coffee away with a tsking sound.

“You can have it only if—” he held up his finger, “you agree to let me in so I can explain myself. Yes, I’m bribing you. And yes, I’m an asshole from time to time. But five minutes at least. That’s all I need.”

For a moment, you wavered, only to mutter a resounding, “fine.”

Despite Jeonghan’s company, you still had work to get ready for, so the boy followed you into the bedroom. He took a seat on the edge of your mattress while you settled back into the vanity chair. Picking through your jar of makeup brushes, you plucked a round, oval-tipped one to apply your eyeshadow. Jeonghan was silent at first, watching you through the mirror as you hurried about the look. It wasn’t perfect, in fact it was a bit sloppy and rushed and there was already some fallout  sitting like a glittered dust on your cheeks, though Jeonghan was staring at you with such fondness, you wondered if the mirror was reflecting the same image. Of course, the Love Card was sitting on your desk too.

“Well,”  you spun around in the chair, pressing your lips together, “I’m waiting for you to explain, y’know. Like you said you would. Technically, you’ve lost a couple minutes, and I should really try to be at the salon early, but I’m still going to give you full time since—"

“I love you.”

“… What?”

“I love you,” Jeonghan repeated himself casually, a slow smile spilling from each corner of his mouth, “I’m in love with you, as deep as I could be, I think. Anyways, you want me to keep saying it? I love you.”

It felt like someone had taken a picture with the blinding glare of its flash, a picture you couldn’t be more unprepared for, the dots still dancing and fumbling across your vision. The moment was disorienting, but you experienced a very fulgurant warmth take shape inside you. It was comforting yet daunting, a sugar rush and a hangover, something so alive you knew you wanted it more than anything else in the world.

Yet, “you… are in love with me?” was all that you could express.

Jeonghan fiddled with the coffee cup in his hands. “You’re a funny girl, you know that? But I can say it a fifth time if you want.”

“N-No, I—I just, I wasn’t expecting—”

“Yeah, I can see that, “ he’d laughed, though it quickly fell into a sigh and suddenly Jeonghan’s temperament had shifted. “Look, I know that night wasn’t pretty. I know I ghosted you. I know I didn’t tell you about the stupid Galleria,” the boy glanced up, catching your eye, “but… I didn’t say anything because I was confused. I knew your Love Card only had one signature left, and just like that… you could be in my bed for the last time. If we’re really gonna get sentimental about it,”

Jeonghan chuckled, scratching his chin a bit shyly, “it could be my last time holding you, and kissing you… I just, I didn’t want it to be like that. But I didn’t know how to confront you about it, so I hid. And I stressed myself out, and I got so stupidly jealous and angry when I saw you with Joshua. That was my bad. I should’ve been upfront.”

Tucking your hands together anxiously in your lap, you nodded, beginning to understand the missing pieces.

“Thank you for saying that.” You murmured, tapping your feet in a nervous rhythm against the floor. “I… I was being unreasonable and jealous too,” you subsequently admitted, “I was assuming things about you and Baejin when I shouldn’t have. I don’t know what I was expecting anyways, that you act like she doesn’t exist? It was dumb, and I was adding pressure. I’m sorry too.” Wanting to lighten the tone, you smiled at him, “I guess we both have our flaws, huh?”

He returned the tender glance and held out the coffee cup.

“I guess we do.”

You grabbed it politely.

Turning around in the chair, you grabbed the bright red Love Card off the vanity, initialed until its last circle, “what should we do with this? I mean, we kind of messed up their rules, fooling around more than twelve times. And, well, I’m not gonna renew it.”

“Oh, let me see.” Jeonghan said.

As soon as you passed the card to him, he ripped it clean in half, crumpled each piece, balled them together in his hands and tossed the shreds into the trash can sat in the corner.

“Well, that was fucking easy,” he smiled, getting up from the mattress, “aren’t you late for work? Do you need a drive?”

You looked at your alarm clock.

“If you can get me there in the next ten minutes, that’d be great.”

Jeonghan headed to the front door while you hurriedly grabbed your coat from the closet and snatched your bag off the floor, resting the strap over your shoulder. With the coffee still in hand, you headed into the living area, looking around in one final swoop to make sure you had everything packed for the day. A sheet of sunlight spilt into the room from outside the window, pale, like the morning sky, yet filling every crevice of the cheap apartment with a dull shine. And for a very fleeting moment, you thought this place wasn’t so abhorrent. It had been your home, your stepping stone, a thumbprint which identified a period of hardship and growth. But, despite this bittersweet taste on your tongue, you couldn’t envision yourself staying.

“Come on,” Jeonghan pinched your hip, “at this rate I’ll get a speeding ticket trying to get you to work on time.”

Turning around, you stuck a kiss to the boy’s cheek, just catching the cool beginning of a smirk on that dazzling face of his as you interlaced your fingers and pulled him into the corridor.

No, you could not stay here.

Not when your future was with Jeonghan.

✧✎ a/n: yeah, so this was clearly A LOT longer than the original love café teehee. i remembered the plot vaguely therefore i refused to reread my first version weufhewif PLS IT MAKES ME CONVULSE SO BAD !! i just had to rewrite the plot and do it some actual justice! i hope this version is a lot better and that you rly enjoyed it! i wish yjh would give me money but i guess we can’t all live in a fantasy world!! thx for reading!!

#caratwritersclub #jeonghan scenarios #seventeen scenarios #svt fanfic #jeonghan fanfic #seventeen smut #jeonghan smut #seventeen jeonghan #svt smut #yoon jeonghan #svt x reader #jeonghan x reader

[waitimcomingtoo]

Evans

Pairing: Tom Holland x Reader

Synopsis: Tom gets jealous after he witnesses a moment between you and Chris Evans

Masterlist

As much as you loved filming the movies, your favorite part about being in the MCU was going to the conventions.

You loved getting on stage with your cast mates and answering questions. You especially loved when you got to attend the conventions with your best friend Tom. Your fondest memories with him were made during nights following a convention. You’d always get a joint hotel room and stay up late, too buzzed on adrenaline from the panel to fall asleep.

Going to conventions with Tom usually opened up a whole new debate on the nature of your relationship. Snap chats and Instagram stories made from the same hotel room always set off more theories that you were dating. You weren’t, but you didn’t mind the theories.

The current panel you were at was no different from the others. The whole cast stood in a line, with you sandwiched between Tom and Mackie. You listened along to all the questions asked until you heard your name.

“Chris, you and Y/n worked together in the past on Scott Pilgrim vs The World, where you played one of her evil ex boyfriends.” The journalist said to Chris Evans. “How did you react when you heard she was joining the MCU cast?

“I was really happy about it.” Chris said into his mic. “I’ll admit, I had a bit of a crush on Y/n when we were filming Scott Pilgrim so I was very excited when she got added to the cast.”

Tom felt his ears turn pink when he heard Chris’s confession. It was no secret that he liked you, but he had no idea Chris liked you too. He looked to you to see your reaction, mouth going dry when he saw the shocked smile on your face.

“Are you serious?” You laughed in surprise. “I had a crush on you too.”

Tom turned away a little, suddenly feeling a sick feeling in his stomach. He didn’t like where this conversation was going.

“What?” He raised his eyebrows. “How did I not know?”

“Because I was awkward and shy and didn’t know how to talk to you.” You said sheepishly as you pressed a cold hand to your face. “But I swear, I told Michael and Anna all about it.”

Tom lowered his microphone so the crowd couldn’t hear him gulp. He didn’t know why it bothered him as much as it did to know you and Chris had feelings for each other. You had filmed Scott Pilgrim a few years back, so the feelings were long gone by now. Still, it sent a white hot jealously through Toms veins as he watched you and Chris smile at each other.

“I can’t believe you never told me.” Chris chuckled. “I actually remember being upset that we didn’t have a kiss in the movie. I was like, how am I playing one of her boyfriends but we don’t get to kiss?”

“Aw.” Tom forced a laugh. “Poor you.”

The audience laughed at his joke, but you never took your eyes off Chris.

“I was genuinely upset about it at the time.” Chris continued. “I think I called my mom to complain.”

Tom watched with a tight jaw as you held your hand over your heart and beamed. You were obviously loving the attention from Chris while Tom was hating it.

“Hey, I didn’t write the script.” You shrugged. “I definitely would’ve thrown one in there if I had.”

“I think the movie is perfect as it is.” Tom cut in, earning a few laughs. “I don’t think there needed to be a kiss. Kisses are stupid anyway.”

“Wait a minute, we almost kissed in the last movie too.” Chris remembered. “To like hide our faces from HYDRA agents or something.”

“That’s right.” You gasped. “They took it out before we ever shot it.”

“Such a shame.” Chris clicked his tongue as he shook his head. “Missed you twice now.”

The reaction from the audience made you hide your face in embarrassment, feeling your face hot to the touch.

“I promise, you’re not missing much.” You laughed shyly.

“Yeah, well.” Chris rubbed the back of his neck. “I bet I was.”

Just when Tom thought it couldn’t get any worse, he saw an idea pop into your head.

“Wait, hold my mic.” You said as you handed your microphone to Anthony.

Tom could only watch as you walked across the stage and put your hands on either side of Chris’s face before pulling him into a kiss. The audience was deafening as Chris kissed you back. It didn’t last long, but it was long enough to make all the color drain from Toms face. You both pulled away laughing, Chris with his signature hand over his left side. You clapped your hands as you laughed before walking back to your spot.

“Well damn.” Anthony said into his microphone. “I didn’t get to kiss her either.”

“Yeah.” Sebastian teased. “Do we all get some of that?”

“Shut up.” You laughed shyly as you fixed your hair. “There. Now you got your kiss.”

“Thank you.” Chris laughed into his microphone. “I was not expecting that.”

“Neither was I.” Tom mumbled, his microphone hanging limply at his side. The rest of the panel went by without any further flirtations, but Tom wouldn’t have known if there had been. He had completely zoned out, too upset with what he had seen to focus.

~

You unlocked the door to your shared hotel room and saw Tom sitting at the kitchen table. His face was buried in his phone and he skimmed through the endless amount of tweets about the kiss from earlier. It was only making him more angry to see thousands of gifs and pictures of it, as well as all the messages from fans saying what a cute couple you and Chris made, but he couldn’t stop. He was too busy scrolling to hear you come in.

“Hey.” You smiled at him as you set your stuff down. “You did such a good job out there. I swear, you always get the most laughs. It’s not fair.”

“Hm.” Tom nodded, keeping his eyes on his phone. “Thanks.”

“Is everything okay?” You frowned when you noticed his standoffish behavior. You walked over to him and reached out to touch him, but he moved away.

“Yeah.” He shrugged unconvincingly. “It’s fine. We’re fine.”

“I didn’t ask if we were fine.” You furrowed your eyebrows. “Are we not fine?”

“I said we were fine.” He held up his hands in annoyance. “Don’t worry about it.”

“Okay.” You rolled your eyes a little. “Sorry I asked.”

Tom gave you a sarcastic smile and went back to his phone, completely ignoring you now. You didn’t know what his problem was, but you knew you didn’t want to fight.

“Do you want to watch a movie or something? You can pick this time.” You offered, trying to offer an olive branch.

“Actually, I’m kinda tired.” He said faintly. “I think I’m just gonna turn in.”

“Really? It’s so early.” You checked your phone and saw it was only 8 pm. “And I’m bored.”

“Yeah?” He finally looked up at you. “Then why don’t you go see what Evans is up to? I’m sure he’d love to finish what you started on stage today.”

You jutted your head back in surprise, not expecting that to come out of his mouth. He looked partial to guilty for snapping at you, but his anger was the most prominent emotion.

“What?” You laughed in shock. “What are you talking about?”

“I’m talking about you kissing Evans in front of all those people.” He snapped. “I didn’t even know you liked him like that.”

You laughed again, thinking he had to be joking. You never said it out loud, but you assumed Tom knew you liked him. After all, you were the only cast mates sharing a hotel room.

“I don’t.” You said, unsure where that accusation came from.

“Yeah?” He cocked his head. “Cause it kinda looked like you did.”

“I don’t.” You repeated. “I used to when we were filming Scott Pilgrim a few years ago but I stopped before we even wrapped.”

“Then why did you kiss him?” Tom asked, his voice wearing thin.

“I don’t know. We were joking around.” You shrugged it off. “It was for the fans, if anything. You know how much they love that stuff.”

“They would’ve loved it just as much if you had just blown him a kiss.” Tom said. “You didn’t have to kiss him.”

“Who cares?” You asked. “Everyone loved it.”

“Not everyone.” He stated, keeping his eyes on the ground. You looked at him for a moment, realizing you had never seen him act like this.

“Why are you getting so upset about this?” You asked calmly, still not understanding.

“Because what you did upset me.” He shouted as he gestured to himself.

“Why?” You raised your voice as well now. “It was just a stupid joke. It had nothing to do with you.”

“It wasn’t a joke to me.” He shook his head. “Watching you practically run across the stage to kiss him in front of all those people was not a joke.”

“I didn’t run across the stage.” You said, starting to get annoyed. “I walked to him and kissed him. That’s it. It’s not a big deal.”

“Did you like it?” He asked with an unreadable expression.

“What?”

“Did you like kissing him?” He repeated as he let out a shaky breath.

“You know how it feels to kiss other actors.” You shrugged. “It just felt like lips on lips.”

“You must have some sort of feelings for him to kiss him like that.” He said, his eyes looking glassy.

“So what if I do?” You retorted, angry with him now for yelling at you.

“What?” His voice came out in a whisper. “Do you?”

“Are you listening to anything I’m saying? I don’t have feelings for Evans. But if I did, it wouldn’t be any of your business. Because maybe you haven’t realized this yet, but you’re not my boyfriend.” You yelled, making him retreat into himself.

The silence that followed was deafening, making you feel guilty for what you said. You felt like you popped the happy bubble that you and Tom lived in, the one where you never confronted your feelings for each other but understood that they were there. Tom sucked in a sharp breath and let out a long sigh as he looked you in the eyes. He gave you a sad smile and nodded his head as if he was reluctantly agreeing with you. You opened your mouth to speak, but Tom was already moving past you. His shoulder brushed yours as he walked out of the room, slamming the door behind him.

You stood there in shock, unsure of what just happened. You felt like you had just broken up with someone you were never actually with. You covered your mouth with your hand, ashamed with what you had said to him. You hit him where you knew it would hurt him and now he was gone.

~

Despite sharing a hotel room, you didn’t see Tom until the next morning. He was eating breakfast at the kitchen counter, not looking at you as you made coffee. You sighed and sat down next to him, knowing you had to make things right before you went out to do press. You didn’t want to spend a full day doing interviews with him without resolving the fight.

“I’m sorry I yelled at you yesterday.” You began as you watched his face for his reaction. “It was mean of me to tell you you weren’t my boyfriend like that.”

“It’s okay.” He mumbled as he stirred his tea. “You don’t have to apologize. You were right. I’m not your boyfriend.”

“We need to talk about yesterday.” You said softly as you looked at him. You could tell he was still bitter about the kiss.

“I don’t want-“

“We have to.” You cut him off. “We had a fight and now we need to talk about it.”

He sighed and rubbed his eyes before slumping in his seat.

“You start.” You said as you put your folded hands on the table.

“I don’t know where to start.” He mumbled.

“Just tell me how you feel.” You suggested. Tom sighed as he put his words together in his mind, wanting to make things right just as much as you did.

“I didn’t like it even you kissed Chris.” He said softly, keeping his eyes on the table.

“I got that part.” You tried to joke. “Why?”

“Because he’s older and taller and bigger than me.” Tom listed off.

“And?” You were confused.

“And I can’t compete.” Tom whispered, hanging his head in shame. The fragility in his voice made your heart break and you realized he was never angry with you.

He was heartbroken.

“Tommy, you don’t have to compete with anyone.” You said softly as you stroked his cheek with your thumb.

“I didn’t think I had to.” He continued. “I thought I had you. I know we don’t really talk about…us, but I thought we had an unspoken agreement that we liked each other. I know I liked you and I thought you liked me back until you…”

“Until I what?” You asked.

“Kissed another boy.” He laughed sadly. “Sorry. A man. Captain freaking America.”

“You were jealous.” You realized, trying to fight back a smile. “That’s why you threw your little tantrum.”

“How could I not be?” He looked up. “Have you seen how broad his shoulders are?”

You had to laugh, which made him crack a smile. The tension had disappeared and you had entered new territory, so you decided to keep going.

“And have you seen the way I look at you?” You teased him. “Or the way I immediately go to you in a crowded room? Have you seen how I’m always finding a way to touch you? Does any of that sound familiar?”

“Yeah.” Tom smiled sheepishly. “It does.”

“I like you too.” You admitted. “Of course I like you too. But I already told you, that kiss was just a joke. It was just for the fans.”

“I know.” He sighed and rubbed his face. “It just shook my confidence, you know? I figured if he wanted you too, I didn’t stand a chance.”

“I don’t want him.” You assured him. “I want you.”

Toms lips curved into a smile, a proud look coming across his face. He reached over and put his hand on top of yours, rubbing small circles with his thumb.

“I never should have yelled at you.” He said quietly as he stared at your hands. “I just hated that he got to kiss you before I did.”

“I get that.” You nodded. “But you can’t flip out and yell at me when you get a little jealous. You have to be okay with me being close to other people.”

“I know. I’m sorry that I got so jealous.” He shook his head at himself. “I’m not that guy. I don’t want you thinking that’s who I am.”

“I know who you are.” You leaned over the table and tilted his chin so he would look at you. “Why do you think I like you as much as I do?”

“I like hearing you say that.” He mumbled, keeping his eyes on your lips.

“I like saying it.” You smirked at him as you began to lean in.

Before your lips could touch, his phone buzzed, making both of you jump. Tom sighed and picked up his phone to see what the interruption was.

“Shoot. That’s Rachel.” He frowned. “She wants me down at hair and makeup. Can we talk about this later? This is really important to me and I don’t want to rush it.”

“Of course.” You nodded. “Go get your hair done. We’ll talk later.”

Tom gave you an apologetic smile before getting up and putting his cup in the sink. He moved to the door but you stood up.

“Tom, wait.” You called, quickly walking to where he was. You put your hands on his shoulders and pressed a kiss to his cheek, letting it linger until you felt his cheeks heat up.

“I’ll see you soon, okay?” You told him, making him feel better about missing out on the kiss. He smiled softly and nodded before leaving the hotel room. You left to get your own hair and makeup done, an idea forming in your mind as you sat in your chair.

~

After getting hair and makeup done, you walked down to the lobby and went into one of the conference rooms. You saw the rest of the cast standing in a circle and went up to to them.

“There she is.” Anthony clapped as you walked up to the group. “Mrs. Evans.”

“Don’t start with that. You’re just mad it wasn’t you I was kissing out there.” You teased him, making him laugh.

“Maybe. I have a feeling I know who else is mad.” He said as he nodded his head to gesture to something behind you. You turned around and saw Tom approaching, a smile taking over your features at the sight of him. He gave you a knowing look and stood next to you as he joined the group.

“Hey guys.” He greeted, shooting Chris a quick look.

“There you are.” You smiled a little before grabbing him by the shirt and pulling him into a kiss. You felt his wide eyes flutter shut, eyelashes tickling you as he closed his eyes. He stepped forward to get closer to you before bringing his hand to face. The cast exchanged knowing looks right before you pulled away, a smile on both of your faces.

“Woah. When did that happen?” Scarlett nudged you.

“I thought it’d been happening for a while.” Anthony snorted. “Was I the only one?”

“No, I definitely saw something there. That’s why I was so surprised about yesterday.” Chris chuckled. You felt Tom tense up when he mentioned it, so you gave him a look. He relaxed and nodded, reminding himself he had nothing to be jealous of.

“I was surprised too.” He said, keeping his tone playful. “So don’t let it happen again.”

“I won’t.” Chris held up his hands. “Dodger and I are very happen on our own. He’s not willing to share me with anyone.”

“He and I have that in common then.” Tom said as draped his arm around your shoulders.

“Whats that?” You asked as you looked at Tom. He gave you a soft smile before pulling you closer to kiss your forehead.

“I don’t like to share.”

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