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z0mbiefrank · 1 year

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Transcript for Marina Toybina on the Designing Hollywood podcast

I've seen a couple people searching for a transcript of her discussing Gerard Way's stage costumes, so I have made one! Feel free to share/link as a resource. Popular quotes are bolded.

Link to source video. MCR's section starts around 22 minutes in.

The transcript is beneath the cut.

Interviewer: Well now you’ve just finished working with My Chemical Romance, which is a band that I dig. Gerard Way is also a comic book writer and artist, created the Umbrella Academy. So, first of all, how did you get that job? Because there’s a design, I mean the look of that band and what they like to do, what they’re influenced by, they’re not just your typical rock band. So what was it like? How did you get that job? You designed the whole tour right?

Marina: I Collaborated with the lead singer, yes, with Gerard. Uhm, okay everything kinda has it’s place in time. About 15 years ago, 15 to 20 years ago, I was a huge fan. I’m a rock girl at heart, and back then a lot of their music was like music to my soul. It got me through some of the harder times. A lot of my friends were musicians. I never saw them live, never could afford to get to their shows, but knew one day in my heart there probably will be an opportunity, they were in like my top 5 favorite bands. He was an artist I’ve always wanted to work with. This past summer, while I was designing So You Think You Can Dance, I just happened to turn on their music - nope- let me rewind I'm so sorry. So a year ago I was reading a release that they're coming back together on tour and they're playing LA on my birthday. I looked at my team and I was like "I'm gonna be at that show. We're gonna go to the show, we're all gonna go together." And I just jokingly said “I'll probably dress them!” A lot of things in my career have happened to manifestation, I'm a huge believer in that. I think my intentions were so clear into the universe. I believed in it so much. That happened a year ago. Then this past summer, I was driving to work, I was listening to their music and I just happened to text my agent. I'm like “You know I really want to get back into music. It's what I used to do. I used to do a lot of live performances. I used to do a lot of music videos. I need to feel that again, even though I'm surrounded with music all the time and I'm doing all these shows. But there was a disconnect in my career, to where it's like I love live entertainment.” And she’s like “Who do you want? Like are we going after pop stars?” And I'm like “No I've done all that. I want to go back to my roots. I want like Incubus or My Chemical Romance or Red Hot Chili Peppers. Get me back to rock and roll.” And she was like “Well, you know, they're touring, but it's probably… I don’t know, let's put it out there.” Then within two weeks I get an email from her like “Hey their managers want to meet with you, he wants to meet with you.” One of the biggest things about their aesthetic is one of my probably top three costume designers, Colleen Atwood, did their black parade album and it was so incredible. Back then, I was always a step behind. It's like they did The Black Parade and then I met the photographer later. Then I worked on a project with him. So it was always like some better-late-than-never I guess. And I'm like “I'm gonna work with her someday, I love her work. I've been told by many people we're a lot alike.” You know? And I'm like “Why not?” And so we get this email “He would like to take a meeting, see what we can do.” I never expected to do a tour, I just wanted to open this door of opportunity, to just collaborate, maybe do one thing together. And he just showed up in my studio and it was just an amazing artistic energy.

Interviewer: Were you starstruck?

Marina: I was trying to hold it together. I mean before they came in, I can't tell you how much I paced. Usually, there's like 15 - 20 people at my studio. This was the time and day that I was alone. I didn't know what to do. Of course, my expectations were just to present myself and see if I would be a good asset to them because I love their music and I love what he's about. Also, it’s not just the frontman for me, I think he's a brilliant artist. So there's a lot of things. I just wanted our worlds to merge somehow. Within the first five minutes of our conversation, I'm like “Oh I get his brain.” I told them my story. I told him that this is like 20 years in the making. You know, I probably sound like a crazy-fan costume designer. But we share ideas, he walked me through the concepts of things he wants to do on this particular tour and they haven't started doing the US leg of the tour. I didn't know if they had a designer. Then he did mention Colleen was doing something for him and I was like “Okay, how - can this be a triangle? You know? Can I come in in the picture?” It was just a beautiful collaboration. It was a genuine artist to artist conversation. Like “Let's do something interesting.” He walked me through his concepts, his ideas and I'm like “Alright well, let me come up with some creatives, see if we're on the same page.” Again, as much as I wanted to be like “Hey we're doing this tomorrow!” I also felt like it's important now in my career and possibly in his, to make sure the relationship is good, that this is the right artistic match to one another and… it worked! From there it was just amazing fittings, amazing collaboration and some iconic things that went viral!

Interviewer: I love hearing this from you because this is like the joyous experience of 'oh my god I dreamt of working with somebody and you finally get to do it'. But I want to take you back to that because I'm curious. How would that process even begin? You're working with somebody that you already know their music, you already know his vibe. And Colleen Atwood, who I've interviewed by the way, on the show, she's incredible. Our interview had to - she was in the middle of a work day, so it was only it was a short interview. But how does a collaboration like that work with somebody like Gerard Way? How do you guys start working together? How is that process?

Marina: For us, it was just like an initial conversation. I introduced myself, my work. They already did some background checking up to see where I stand, what my aesthetic was like. And I felt I was in a place in my life, in my career, where I was able to bring something new. That's where my confidence I think came from. At the same time I didn't want to change the artist that's in front of me. I think that's always so important for me when working with music. You're dealing with a fan base, and a reputation, an aesthetic approach that's far beyond any artistic reach of anybody new coming in. So for me it was having a conversation, understanding what characters he wanted to bring forward. This was a very playful tour. This wasn't about dressing up the whole band. This was about him being in this world of iconic characters. And how can we bring this to life? What can we do that's still very recognizable to his fans but at the same time a little bit of a shock value? But at the same time, I wanted him to be him, you know? He was in this beautiful place in his life and career where he felt great and felt confident and I just wanted to uplift that. We did our creative decks, went through the conversations of which characters we wanted to go with, these are the shows that he had. I knew which city, we kind of wanted to play off where was the right time. Halloween was right around the corner, what do we do? So it was like very strategic conversations but at the same time so much room to play and be creative. So I just gathered the top 10 characters that we had discussed and kind of started doing my own thing, and keeping him and the music in mind. Had an amazing fitting. I've never worked with an artist that's so clear. It was not just directional and very precise and very distinct on his own style, but it was clear for me when we were doing fittings, this is somebody that knows his body. This is somebody who knows his aesthetic on stage. This is somebody that knows how they're going to perform. So it just made it so much easier for me to be able to fall into his world and do the fittings like “Is this going to come off? Is this piece staying on? Are we going to do options? Is the character going to evolve on stage? Is the character going to come down on stage?” So all those conversations happen in our fittings and then I just packed it all up, with distinct notes, send them off, and then kept checking in, making sure everything was okay.

Interviewer: So when you had a direction for the characters, were you doing sketches first?

Marina: No, not at all. This was something that I felt like needed to have the research. It wasn't just about designing something on paper. When he mentioned to me “I wanted to be a vintage cheerleader” I'm like “Okay, what era are we in? 50’s, 60’s, 70’s, 40’s?” and then he was like “Find me something that's within possibly this color scheme.” The image that went viral when he did wear the cheer uniform, it was probably like 10 different vintage stores that we went to. And I'm like “Okay everything's size zero.” or like “What am I gonna do? This stuff doesn't exist anymore. If I get it from Etsy it's not going to come in time.” There's like so much and it happened to be as we were leaving one of the stores I looked on a sale rack and I saw this damaged, weird, vintage cheer dress that had no zipper, that had no hem. And I was like “I love this! I love this because I can reconstruct it. I can go and get the fabrics that we need to still keep it original and authentic. And that's how we start working. I build out a mannequin his size at my studio, put it on, we reshaped it, took the whole thing apart, reconstructed it to be his measurements, and still kept it authentic. After he wore it, the pattern for the actual thing was sold out. Fans loved it so much that we were getting notifications that people actually found the original pattern of this 1940s uniform and were buying it out.

Interviewer: That's crazy, okay!

Marina: Oh it's amazing! I think, to me, that's when things are just meant to be. When not only did my work translate into something beautiful on stage, but then he becomes this incredible persona on stage that then delivers the character and plays it off. We did that throughout every single look. Every single look when it became a fan favorite or craze.

Interviewer: In terms of time, what was the process when you first got the gig and then to the first show that was performing using your work? What was the time frame?

Marina: I think I had about a month to get it all together.

Interviewer: Wow! That’s not much!

Marina: Yeh and at the same time, I had another huge project in the works so it was going back and forth. But I could not tell you, I've had difficult projects in the past, I've had difficult times with artists, or finding our own language, or how to execute some things. This was so easy that time didn't matter to me. It was such a great collaboration, it flowed, like Bruce Lee would say, like water. It just made sense and no matter how difficult my other project was or what was going on at the same time, it was like oh this is the universe showing me this is how it's supposed to be. This is what's inspiring me. And at the end of the day, the one thing I told Gerard was “You made me fall in love with music again. You came into my life as an artist that I've admired and wanted to work with for almost 20 years. There was a big part of my beginning that made me look back at this now and be like “Oh that's what. That was that feeling that I had when I was 16 or 20.”

#my chemical romance #gerard way #marina toybina #mcr #my chem #designing hollywood podcast #let me know if i should change anything #ive never done a transcript before but i hope it helps!!#resource #transcript #op #interviews #costume design #cheerleader

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sugar-petals · 3 years

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can you give us more thoughts about domestic yoongles? the taemin's one (wich I love) just made me miss the cat boy so much ;o;

i have a phd in househusband yoongi so let me fire out some ideas for ya.

myg at home headcanon

🐱 word count. 1.9k | fluff, slice of life, slight nsfw mentions, x reader, bullet points

The doorbell sound is a recording of Yoongi imitating a doorbell. He’s such a meme. Ceci n'est pas une pipe.

Seemingly, he teaches himself a new recipe every week. To perfection. Yoongi is very particular about sticking to the recipe and wielding his kitchen tools in the right way. He collects knives, olive oil, and still hates cutting onions.

He separates sleep time, work time, and couple time as the holy trinity. For each, he switches his mood.

Blushes easily no matter for how long you’ve been together.

Establishes his own radio show where he DJs at one point.

Yoongi keeps an extreme track on the garbage schedule. He knows exactly what is due when. Separating the trash is a must. That includes sorting out fake friends trying to get between your relationship. Your social circle as a couple is extremely deliberate.

Yoongi deems himself a terrible host for guests. Unless Hoseok is there to drag him out, it's true he rather stays in the kitchen or at the barbecue preparing the menu courses rather than making small talk. He leaves the hospitality bits to you, however you want to go about it.

What he lacks in conversing with guests, he makes up in bed, God is absolutely fair.

He sings and hums pretty often and has his own vernacular of extraterrestrial uwu noises. It's an alphabet that you have to yet decipher but it's incredibly cute.

Self-made paintings everywhere around his house.

Yoongi hasn't gone clubbing since grammar school. The most he does is going to a restaurant at lunch with very close friends. And always in a work context. His private life is so secluded from everything else and paparazzi just don't spot him anywhere, Dispatch thinks he must live abroad.

Very well, he does consider his big ole house a separate country. It's a living organism with a studio, gym, trophy room, small-size basketball court, and vastly equipped kitchen. A home theater as well, he likes American movies (like Inception) and Korean action genres, and you can stream whatever you fancy in there whenever you like.

Yes, he has underwear with cute little bears on.

There's even a little pond in the backyard. Yoongi, Pisces he is, likes fishes after all. Sometimes he sits at the edge of the 'Little Ole Min Lake (LOML)' and stares into the water for literal hours with his chin parked on his palm.

His fridge is so high-tech and futuristic, even Yoongi is rendered clueless by its AI sometimes. The washing machine, too.

Yoongi watches RuPaul’s drag race. What did you expect? He finds it so humorous.

Owns lord knows how many comic collections.

Favorite holiday destination: New York.

Christmas is basically 50% you unveiling new music equipment to him in the garage and Yoongi almost fainting at the sexiness of it. The other 50% is spent holding hands and orgasm after orgasm until the new year since you loose track of time.

Goes on long rants why he’d marry you again every weekend.

Making you presents is his specialty. Always accompanied with a hand-written note. He writes a lot of things by hand for you in general. Texting, basically never. Always on paper.

No sex without a blanket and socks on. Yoongi gets cold very very easily and just doesn’t like showing skin. You buy him a heated blanket for his birthday, he even uses it in his studio chair.

Chronically addicted to making out.

Matching black outfits and glasses.

Laughs at even your worst jokes or phrases you didn’t expect you even uttered.

Yoongi owns the phoniest, most secretive-looking black car ever and nobody knows about it. Even he forgets he owns it, in fact he genuinely acts like it just doesn’t exist. Hilarious. And that guy has a level 1 Korean driver's license. Which allows him to drive trailers and busses and fucking trucks, and construction machines, let that sink in.

It's really a genius curse. Yoongi being put to the test will always deliver but he won't choose to execute his full skillset if he doesn't have to. Well, pragmatic. He's not as phony as he thinks he is, which is even more hilarious.

He uses that behemoth of a car so scarcely because he'd rather have things delivered to his doorstep and he's stingy with gas. Also, he doesn't like traffic and driving because of the traumatic shoulder accident and his tendency to space out. Translation: You drive that thing... that monster... it really is an impressive, fast, and scary machine.

If someone devious ever even remotely manages to invade his privacy and get past the doubly-installed security system, he has enough money to deal with it no matter what.

If it concerns your privacy, he's a red belt. And owns Jin's number if a taekwondo master is required. Jimin's if it needs someone with kendo skills.

If Yoongi needs someone to go on a complete rampage, Jungkook lives just down the block. He can sprint to Yoongi's bunker I mean mansion within 45 seconds. 30 if it's very urgent. 20 if the reward is an instant ramen splurge with Yoongi's black card.

He has a sexy, glamorous sword collection hanging on the living room wall anyways, so. Who the hell is dumb enough to mess with him and his expensive lawyer in the first place.

But just in case, who knows... Yoongi settles matters shruggingly, anonymously, and with cash and he's too exhausted for violence, but don't underestimate his deter-min-ation and network for emergencies. Also, he is Agust D after all.

He will bonk a naughty burglar or kidnapper across the head with a wooden cooking spoon or take him down by throwing a basketball if the situation requires it. Damn, his reflexes are so fast, a feral cat in motion. So, lean back and sip on your drink of choice. Things are cared for.

If Yoongi is the one being kidnapped or a highly skilled stalker invades the property at night when he's fast asleep (nothing can wake this man during certain hours, strong REM right here): Don't forget that honeyboy is a Dodgers fan. There are signed baseball bats everywhere in this damn house.

In that sense, your parents visiting you here for the first time thought you were an undercover thug couple. Not to worry mom and dad, you both just like sports very much okay.

Yoongi walks around in all black clothes and the rooms are all seemingly dark. Even if you live together, you don't know his skin care routine. It's clear to you he's some sort of vampire.

Since Yoongi always forgets to remove his makeup, you made it a habit to wipe it down when he's about to pass out. He won't lie, he enjoys that kind of affection.

Holly is your resident child. You're essentially a family.

He insists to tackle this by himself, Yoongi sees his therapist monthly. Not shifting responsibility is something he's stubborn about and he pours his emotions into writing. You will do conversation about deeper stuff, but he says it's mostly up to him and his own mind. He dislikes burdening you or opening up too much and it's something to respect rather than force him about. If he wants to share a thought, he will. It doesn’t mean he can’t trust you or sucks at communicating (we know that he’s direct). Yoongi simply can’t put that much pain in such few words nor should you alleviate it for him.

Calls from the manager faze Yoongi as much as Jimin is bothered by gravity. If he’s busy kissing your body slow mo, who the hell dares to disturb his worship.

This man had so many let-downs and interpersonal catastrophes in his life, he's super discerning with people. Because he rolls that way, during their first meeting Yoongi uses his psychology certificate on your friends. You see him squint at them, he listens very closely. After they pass the vibe check aka meow radar, he befriends them, too.

Yoongi doodles Grammy trophies everywhere to manifest them.

Yoongi shaves his legs.

All the sex toys he’s ever bought are black. Gotta vibe in style.

He spends ridiculous amounts of time in the studio but he's yours for the remainder of the night, breakfast, and he makes a lavish lunch and dinner.

Um, consider his head parked between your legs. The Hongkong line was not a joke.

Doesn’t mind you squishing his cheeks whenever and for how long you like.

Every other weekend he gets flowers, vouchers, and gifts — not because of fans, they don’t know where his house is, but because he donates so much.

Namjoon often drops by and cleanses the area with his crystals.

Yoongi is a photography major so you can ask him to take professional, ceiling-high black and white shots of you.

Feeding each other food lovingly. Man, this guy got lips.

He set up a library just for you, in the exact historical aesthetic you like the most. Send him the link to any book you want, it's basically in the online shopping cart already. As I said, he wants to make you presents like every week.

Sometimes he sits on the other end studying English videos and vocab while you read. And yes, he's already 95% fluent but pretends being merely intermediate. He knows technical terms even native speakers have never heard of.

He collects pajamas and earrings.

Swears on the phone.

Namjoon being the horniest member is a cover-up story. Yoongi masturbates almost unreasonable amounts of times, by himself and in your arms when going to bed. Not gonna lie, it’s a sight to see his hands at work. He’s almost equally obsessed with fingering you once you ask him.

Yoongi was the one asking you to move in and almost had a nervous meltdown before meeting up with you to tell you just that.

He’s the little spoon and of course a sleeping burrito to hold tight.

Finds you equally attractive in any state or styling. Yoongi practices what he preaches, he always reacts the same and says the same.

Jams out to outrageous beats Namjoon sends him by dancing in the studio. You walk in on him every time. Was embarrassed at first, now you dance along.

Has bought you a life-sized Yoongi pillow and customized you a giant Shooky to hug when he’s not at home over night.

Owned a wine cellar until he quit drinking. Turned it into a piano room instead.

Only you know Yoongi has a serpent and dagger tattoo.

Scrubs the bathroom religiously.

The house smells like restaurant food and his extravagant perfumes half of the time.

Sometimes he has to remind himself he’s married to you and not his coffee machine. He shall be forgiven. You can’t complain that he doesn’t love you enough, nor is he ever not adorable when drinking his latte.

Never wears short sleeves. It can be scorching and he’ll wear a jacket.

Tell him and the cap stays on during sex.

He grows his hair out and puts it in a low bun. The bangs remain.

Yoongi has installed the most fire-proof building in the entire city it seems. That he wanted to be a firefighter when he was young definitely shows. Figures the house has to be protected from heat: His blasting studio music and Yoongi himself are just way too sizzling.

Still melts into a puddle when you kiss his nose.

Couple sunrise watching.

#yoongi #yoongi hc #yoongi x reader #bts #bts x reader #bts hc #yoongi scenario

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gay-cartoon-stan · 4 years

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Why the “Corrupted Steven Theory” is more likely than it seems at first

Okay, you probably think that this theory is very unlikely, and it won’t happen in Steven Universe Future. But hear me out, I thought so at first as well, just like I thought the “Rose Quartz is Pink Diamond”-Theory was a stretch. But guess what? It turned out to be true, so I gave this theory the benefit of doubt and now I’m convinced that it could become canon as well!

In the beginning, I was unsure but intrigued by this theory and read some posts. Steven Universe Future means a lot to me, I related to Steven Universe a lot already and kind of grew up with it in the past few years. Now, seeing how Steven deals with deeply rooted problems and his mental health issues hit close to home for me. So, obviously, I searched through the tags very much.

Unfortunately, the actual theories with proof are scattered all around Tumblr with almost no coordination, even within “#corrupted Steven theory” that is full of fan art (which I enjoy a lot btw!!). And I had to search through a lot of posts to see the full picture of possibilities this theory has, so I decided to make a master post for you guys. It’s not that much of a stretch when you put all of it in one big master-post, for those who don’t want to search for as long as I did.

WARNING: This will be a very long post!

Now first off, I heard many people say that this would be too dark for the show. And while this is a children’s show, Steven Universe already had way darker episodes. Here are some examples:

Previous Theories in Steven Universe

I searched for some previous theories for the original Steven Universe cartoon and pulled up a few popular theories from the Cartoon Network YouTube videos. Let’s start off with some of them that were proven wrong later on in the series.

3 Theories that were more based on feeling right than proof and turned out to be wrong

- Gems start out as babies

- Sardonyx’s identity

- Ruby is blind

First off, everyone assumed that Gems are quite similar to humans. Now, these theories were created in the first season of Steven Universe, when we didn’t know a whole lot about Gems, yet. Rebecca Sugar started the show by telling us to “expect the unexpected” like expecting to have Gems be quite similar to humans.

When we heard of a new voice actor, most immediately assumed it to be a new gem or a fusion of new gems. But instead, it was Sardonyx, a fusion between garnet and Pearl. Rebecca likes to explore new possibilities by combining already established things: Like making a completely new character out of two well-known gems.

I think that’s exactly what’s going to happen in Steven Universe Future, this epilogue will deal with big concepts that we already know. It would make no sense to have something entirely new in the epilogue, when we already have some unanswered questions left, like the true nature of corruption.

5 Theories that were based proof rather than “feeling canon” and turned out true (even though they seemed like a stretch)

- Rose Quartz is Pink Diamond

- There are multiples of every gem

- All monsters were once gems

- Ronaldo’s theories are right

- Garnet is a fusion

Theories like the one of Pink Diamond were very unpopular and I’m sure almost no one believed Ronaldo in the beginning: they were unpopular or controversial at the time. But all of these theories turned out true, so don’t just shoot down a theory because it seems unlikely at first. On further examination, theories that seem like a stretch at first, actually, make a lot of sense.

Foreshadowing and symbolism about Rose Quartz actually being Pink Diamond were already planted in the beginning, look at the first song about Cookie Cat by Steven in the very first episode for example.

So, even if it seems unlikely that Steven will become corrupted in Steven Universe Future, that won’t stop Rebecca from making it canon. But if she planned it, there had to be a lot of proof for that, too. And there is a lot that could be interpreted as a connection between Stevens, his mental health and corruption!

That brings us to my next point:

Steven’s Mental health

In the limited series, Steven is shown to bottle up his feelings a lot and has developed some harmful coping habits, as shown in Episode 10: “Prickly Pair”.

Steven is already known for not dealing with his own problems, trying not to think about them instead of being honest about how bad it feels so he can move on, as shown in “Mindful Education”, which was the fourth episode of Season 4, so even before the “Wanted” and “Diamond Days” arcs.

There even is a whole episode revolving around Amethyst trying to help Steven with his feeling about his mother after it’s revealed that she actually is Pink Diamond, but he just keeps reflecting and wants to help her instead.

Now, the synopsis tells us that “as he runs out of other people’s problems to solve, he’ll finally have to face his own” which confirms again that he didn’t deal with his own emotions, yet. So, now he feels lost because he feels useless now in addition to years of undealt trauma. Just look at his monologue in the last episode!

But why didn’t he deal with his own mental well-being yet? Because he’s scared because all of his experience in the last years were very traumatic for a teenager? Not to mention that he wasn’t even 14 when the series started off. Even the Crystal Gems, who are supposed to be way more mature than him, struggled multiple times within the series. Garnet even split up two times.

He’s scared because he doesn’t know what to do now that he can’t help the people around him anymore, everyone around him changes for the better and knows how to help themselves and what they want to do in the future. Everyone except Steven.

Steven vs Steven

All of his human friends change way faster than he can deal with, so one would think that he could at least relate to the Gems with the struggle of accepting change, right? NO! He’s growing up, he changed in the last couple of years. And while it’s too slow for the humans around him, it’s too fast for the Crystal Gems since they’ve been around for thousands of years.

Even though the whole universe is changing, he still has problems as a hybrid between gems and humans. He struggled for years to fit in with the Gems, while he was always too much “Gem” to be understood by fully humans. For example, even his best friend and his dad don’t include him as a “human being” in Season 2, where he was just starting to be respected by the Gems as a part of the Crystal Gems. So, he didn’t really fit in with either species even back then. Out of stress, it caused him to clutch his gem, also because it is the thing that will always set him apart from other humans.

For years, he could at least relate to Amethyst. They shared a kindred spirit as fellow "worst Gems" who, in Steven's words are "not like anybody". Now even she found her own personal purpose while he is as confused as ever.

Becoming like someone “bad”

Not only that, in his attempt to be nothing like his mother, since he still has a complicated relationship with her (see: the whole Episode “Rose Buds”), he slowly becomes more and more the person she used to be. He doesn’t want to confront that, but he’s still scared of his new powers that remind Volleyball of Pink Diamond.

But it’s not only her, but Steven also begins to act like the diamonds in general: He ordered people (like Amethyst and Jasper) around.

Just like the punishment by Blue Diamond for Pink, Steven imprisoned Cactus Steven (a metaphor for himself, his mental health, and his problems) with barely enough light to survive. Both Pink Diamond and Cactus Steven didn’t know how to act any better. Cactus Steven was just learning from the only role model he got, but Steven was too angry to try to understand. In Steven Universe, he even tried to understand a literal monster and befriended Centipeetle aka corrupted Nephrite, but now he can’t even communicate with his own creation, sentient humanoid cactus.

He spent years trying to fight the ways the Great Diamond Authority worked, but now he takes after them. And whether he is ready to confront this or not, he can’t help but see how he changes to a person he never wanted to be.

No Control

He just got new powers that seemingly only Pink Steven really had control over and struggles even more than before. Steven could do a similar bubble, but never actually did it in a symmetrical way or in the shape of a dome, like his gem half could do seemingly with ease.

But since his powers are connected to his emotion (which react to his new and old problems) it’s no wonder that he’s getting out of control. This new pink side of him is linked to extreme stress (or anger) and using powers only his fully-gem half could do before.

We already saw him losing full control over his bubble (trapping someone) and shapeshifting/ageing, where he almost died.

In the first season, he trapped Connie in his protective bubble, which only dissolved after he talked with her. He subconsciously trapped her in there because he didn’t want her to leave again before he got the chance to give the bracelet back.

He lost control over his body a few times, for example, a few episodes after Bubble Buddies when his age-shifting powers get introduced. In a similar matter as before, his gem reacts to his feelings (here: his mental age) and acts accordingly. He almost dies in So Many Birthdays and Cat Fingers because of it.

He already ended up trapping his friends in Episode 9 because of his new powers in connection to emotions. In Season One, he trapped Connie in his bubble in a similar matter.

Next, he could be transforming his problems in himself externally again. We already saw that trauma inside of a gem can manifest in Volleyball as it was explained by the cracked eye.

The creature could be an apparition, something Steven sees in dreams or hallucinations, rather than a physical manifestation at first, but most of the issues in Steven Universe, even if they’re just emotionally, evolved to become something physical. But even though this can be done in a couple of ways, corruption would make sense in Steven’s case.

Corruption

Extreme emotional distress is linked to corruption as it seems to speed up corruption’s effects. Both Jasper’s and Centipeetle’s mental state affected the corruption process. As the bodies of Gems are mental projections, the bodies of corrupted Gems are a reflection of how damaged their minds are. Corruption’s damage is mental rather than physical, at least at its core.

Just like their emotions affected their body, Steven’s powers got worse under stress. In Steven Universe Future, his mental health is worse than ever, so if he ever got corrupted, it would be in this epilogue series. He’s getting out of control form when he’s distressed or under extreme stress more than ever.

There are no gems corrupted on Homeworld due to the lack of a Diamond blast. But even the other diamonds don’t understand the true nature of corruption completely, they didn’t even know that they corrupted these gems.

But we, the audience, already know a couple things: Second-hand corruption can occur to a non-corrupted Gem through fusion with a corrupted one, while Nephrite described it as a "song" and remembering this seemed to be what triggered her to revert into her corrupted form.

Corruption is linked to the mind of the gem and needs at least one diamond. Steven, who is a diamond, can probably corrupt other gems or himself without meaning to do so. If he loses control of the corruption-powers as well, it could very well be that he ends up accidentally corrupting himself.

But without addressing his issues, he won’t be able to reverse the effects of his subconsciously used gem powers. Pink Steven always worked this way in the past. His gem half reacts to the wishes from Steven’s human half very directly, like trapping all of his friends. And he treated his cactus-self badly, so also harming himself isn’t that far off. He already fought himself quite violently in Steven and the Stevens (which was Season One), but now he got even more problems with himself directly. What if his gem half reacts on that?

Corruption forms

While Steven’s trauma could manifest in a couple of ways, there are some similarities between the worm-like creature from the intro and Steven.

Of course, it doesn’t completely look like Steven, but consider how humanoid this creature’s face is in comparison to other corruptions in Steven Universe. Let’s take a look at the heads from the others in the corrupted and uncorrupted form.

Nephrite’s corrupted head has a flowing, light-cream coloured mane immediately behind her head that looks like her previous hairstyle. Aside from that and her colour scheme, her body completely changes because of corruption.

Because of the corruption Jasper got spikes from multiple areas of her body now, but her hairstyle only changed to a mane around her neck and she kept the same skin tones.

Ocean Jasper, similar to all Jaspers, kept her colour scheme (aside from corruption marks) and hairstyle/colour even while corrupted.

Larimar’s head always had spikes on top, even though they became more. She still has her blue tones, even though it got a bit darker. Her body changed quite a bit and she got a lot bigger.

So all in all we can say that a gem becomes bulkier and bigger while growing spikes. The placement of the gem barely changes at all. The colour scheme doesn’t really change, but the gem can have corruption marks.

I strongly believe that this thing a corrupted gem, since a completely alien species in the last act of the show makes no sense. Especially with the premise that this epilogue would focus on loose ends and Steven himself.

Similarities between the Creature and Steven

Only this corruption has a human-like face shape and nose. But humans can’t corrupt, except for Steven. He has the same nose, a softer version of the face shape and is always drawn with 5 hair curves. Instead of that, this creature has 5 horns instead of Steven’s usual curls.

Another dominant feature of this creature is the mouth shape. It’s a sharper version of a squiggly mouth that’s usually drawn when the character is stressed/worried. In the original series many characters were drawn with a mouth like that, but the only character who is frequently seen using a mouth like that in Steven Universe Future is Steven himself. Also, it is drawn quite sharp.

Besides, both Cactus Steven and the Watermelon Stevens are known for a squiggly mouth form like that.

The Watermelon Stevens needed time to even become alive, and even more time until they got a mouth. After Steven send them away and they had to build their own community, they were drawn with a sharp mouth.

Cactus Steven had a mouth, to begin with, it was very curvy drawn. But as the episode went on and Steven got more aggressive with him, it got sharper.

Let’s move onto the body from the creature. It is massive, even bigger than White Diamond, and has spikes leading down his back. A gem would have to be very powerful, to begin with, to be able to become this big and spiky. Our Jasper, for example, was way bigger and har way more spikes than the average Jasper soldier.

Based on the size, I thought about a corrupted White Diamond at first, especially with her pink hue at the end of Change Your Mind. But she’s already on the intro screen, also pink, and she has her gem glowing on her forehead while the creature doesn’t have a visible one. That makes it seem more mysterious like something is surprising to discover here.

Every gem except a diamond had the chance to be corrupted in the original blast. Steven’s gem placement would make sense, too, since you can’t see the stomach of the monster.

Not just the shapes, the colours are similar as well. When Steven reacts to stress, he gets angry and has a new, pink colour scheme. Even outside of turning pink, there are a lot of pink hues used in the scenes that include him.

If he corrupts, it could get a bit darker similar to Larimar’s/Nephrite’s corruption form. And the colour scheme of the creature is a dark pink instead of purple without the blue, dark tint of the intro scene. We can see that if we look at Jaspers original colours and her skin tone in the intro.

Possible Foreshadowing / Symbolism

The body of the monster is full of spikes that resemble rose thorns. Roses were symbolism of Rose Quartz in Steven Universe. Now it could represent Steven’s internal insecurities about his mom since those are a big part of Steven Universe Future.

Like roses, horns and spiked were used throughout the original series. I’ve seen a lot of people point out Steven’s caterpillar sleeping bag, especially since the creature seems to have a caterpillar-like form. Also, honourable mentions are the horns in An Indirect Kiss and Steven’s design in Future Boy Zoltron looks very similar to the corruption in the intro.

As I already mentioned, Steven lost control at the beginning of the original series since his powers were new to him. His shapeshifting powers got dangerous and he ended up trapping his friend Connie. In Steven Universe Future he got new powers again and loses control again, but just ended up trapping his friends and lost control over his dome-thingy.

If it will be like the original series, he will lose control over his body, too. Next, he would be transforming his problems in himself externally again, just like Cactus Steven ended up as a “monstrous version” of himself.

Steven ended the Great Diamond Authority but can’t seem to defeat a cactus. That’s because Cactus Steven is a living metaphor for Steven himself, his mental health, and his problems. He can’t deal with his own feelings reflected back at him and gets hit in the face by it. Literally.

Another metaphor for Steven is the plushie by Onion in A Very Special Episode, that resembles cookie cat mixed with Steven in a creepy way. Cookie cat was a very early symbol for the backstory of Rose / Pink Diamond and two halves of Steven. It could even move without being moved by Rainbow’s umbrella. A plushie was already an allegory for corruption and it’s most likely is a reference to Garnet’s explanation of corruption: “It’s sort of like if MC Bear-Bear didn’t tear the fabric of his arm, but the fabric of his mind.”

The biggest plot twists in Steven Universe was predicted by Ronaldo early on, all of his big theories except People (Snake People) turned out true. He was convinced by the Great Diamond Authority theory after he saw the diamond on the USA dollar bill. Before that, he believed in Sneople. Snakes are on the other side of the bill. I think that Sneople are supposed to be corrupted gems.

A few episodes in, Aquamarine and Eyeball-Ruby demanded that Steven should destroy his home, bubble his friends, and burn Little Homeword to the ground. Steven didn’t want to do that and won the fight with the gems against Bluebird, but later both of those events happened anyway. So, that may have been foreshadowing to future episodes when Little Homeschool actually gets destroyed. And that could happen if Steven actually self-corrupts and becomes the massive creature from the intro.

The last important thing for possible corruption foreshadowing was that Nephrite described it as a "song". There is a lot of association between corruption and music. It’s clear Steven loves music a lot and deals with heavy themes mostly through songs. Most gems like Peridot didn’t even know what music was at first.

Plot possibilities

All in all, it wouldn’t make sense to introduce something completely new now. Instead, the show would deal with big concepts that have already been established in a new way.

Self-corruption could be a plot device to represent his current struggles with mental state. It would make sense in the way Steven Universe functions but also for storytelling in Steven Universe Future.

Now, he has to deal with problems he accidentally created himself along the way. He has to deal with his feelings and finally sort them out. But that won’t happen until something drastic happens.

If Steven gets to a point where he corrupts himself, he will need help from others. And the person who could help him the most through that was Connie. She was always there for him, especially in the moments where he struggled with himself.

That would explain Connie’s lack of screen time when she plays a major role later on. If the focus lays on Steven and Connie, they probably get together, too. The Crewniverse teased their relationship already a lot and after de-corrupting Steven, there would be a perfect opportunity for making them canon.

“After saving the universe, Steven is still at it, tying up every loose end. But as he runs out of other people’s problems to solve, he’ll finally have to face his own.”

After all those Seasons in the original series, this epilogue could show how Steven deals with his problems and that you can’t always blame your problems on someone else. Just as Pearl said once: “[Humans] want to blame all the world's problems on some single enemy they can fight, instead of a complex network of interrelated forces beyond anyone's control.”

Other theories that are possible and/or popular right now

- Steven will leave Beach City at the end of Steven Universe Future

- Steven loses an eye

- Steven-fusion will split up

References or sources? (and a few others, but I can’t find them anymore so rip me)

https://novantinuum.tumblr.com/post/189151877094/have-you-seen-the-leaked-trailer

https://novantinuum.tumblr.com/post/188153524489/on-the-corruptedsteven-theory

https://novantinuum.tumblr.com/post/189304112304/novantinuums-corrupted-steven-theory

https://novantinuum.tumblr.com/post/189560459059/find-your-center-your-very-core-remember-your

https://backinbizmuth.tumblr.com/post/189991650603/su-mini-theory-steven-will-corrupt-himself-after

https://drawloverlala.tumblr.com/post/188219448551/hehe-about-the-corrupted-steven-theory-that-he

https://sal108.tumblr.com/post/189160278143/so-about-that-suf-promo-that-leaked-on-steven

https://alexorcism.tumblr.com/post/189801984533/look-im-just-saying

https://lifeiskorrasami.tumblr.com/post/189417484385/ever-noticed-that-pink-also-has-the-horn-spike

https://gay-cartoon-stan.tumblr.com/post/189928744648/is-no-one-but-me-concerned-that-steven-looks-more

https://badartbysomeguy.tumblr.com/post/189928770039/so-cactus-steven-is-spouting-all-of-stevens

https://somelazyassartist.tumblr.com/post/189688736598/wait-hold-up

https://viibecheeck.tumblr.com/post/189676375245/stop-it-rebecca-what-are-you-trying-to-say

https://celly-does-art.tumblr.com/post/189982116768/some-of-yall-i-dont-think-steven-is-going-to

https://unexpectedchair.tumblr.com/post/189928860906/corrupted-steven-theory-whos-going-to-be-able-to

#Corrupted Steven Theory #su: future #suf spoilers #steven universe future #steven needs therapy #su theory #steven universe #steven x therapy #suf #su future #connverse #pink steven

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popculturebuffet · 3 years

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Scott Pilgrim’s Precious Little Life Review

Happy Birthday To Me, as I continue my birthday celebration by taking a look at comics that have a personal connection to me.. And for our main feature, i’m taking a look at the first volume of a series that was vitally important to a teenage me, Scott Pilgrim.

Scott Pilgrim is the brainchild of Brian Lee’O’Malley. O’Malley came up with the concept from a number of things. Being a fan of the band Plumtree, O’Malley was curious about the name of their song “Scott Pilgrim” and wondered who this Scott Pilgrim guy was. So over the years he slowly built the guy up in the back of his mind using bits of his life and what not. As for why he ends up fighting 7 evil exes, that came from a discussion with his then girlfriend, later wife and currently ex-wife Hope Larson, where he threw off the joke that her exes should form some kind of League. After finishing his first solo work Lost at Sea, O’Malley decided Scotty would be his next project and the rest is history. To date while O’Malley has written two works since, Seconds which is delightful and Snotgirl which didn’t grab me but I intend to try again, Scott remains his most popular work, in large part due to it’s SUBLIME video game and movie adaptations, the former of which is finally getting a rerelease next month.

The series charm is in it’s style: A manga styled comic that combines two desperate kinds of story: Shonen Fight Manga and Slice of Life Indie Comics. The story shifts from Scott going through normal life stuff while trying to make his new relationship work and get his shit together and Scott getting into big bombastic fights with his new sweetie’s exes for the right to keep dating her and to you know, stay alive. The series effortlesly blends a video game like world with real grounded characters and is wonderful for it. As for where I came in, one Free Comic Book day I found a little comic named Free Scott Pilgrim, which I genuinely loved and was instantly charmed by it’s humor and well done art. So I picked up the second and third volumes of the series proper and the first once I could find it and the rest ,as they say, is history. For my high school life, this was one of hte most important things in it and I wrote fanfiction, which I thankfully never put online and in general enjoyed the hell out of the series. Then I just kind of.. let it sit on my shelf for a while. It wasn’t BAD, I just never got back to it and as the franchise went dormant I just sorta slept on it and the movie and that part of me...

Cut to a few weeks ago, when Comixology did a massive sale for black friday that marked a ton of Graphic Novels down to just 1 buck each, and the color editions of Scott Pilgrim happened to be part of this, though only volume 1 was that cheap. But thanks to my best friend micheal and an early christmas/birthday present I got the rest and got to revisit the series as a whole, with me rethinking my previous thoughts of volume 1 and thus.. wanting to review it and share both why this series is so damn special and what’s good, and what’s not so good about it. I’ll also be covering the game, once i’ts re-released, and the movie once i’m finsihed with the comics so look out for that. And get ready to take a trip to the glorious land of canada...

As a heads up and as you can tell i’ll be using the color version as while I could get scans of the black and white, I prefer the color version. While the black and white was fine and always will be, I think the impressive coloring job really adds to thing and makes the already great fight scenes pop more, as well as making certain background elements stand out a bit. While it does negate the black and white gags, the tradeoff is more than worth it. That being said either version is fine so if you can get the black and white cheaper that’s fine and i’ve kept my original copies, with volumes 4 -6 having been picked up as they came out.

So as our story starts we meet our hero: Scott Pilgrim Age 23, a charming but jobless and kind of sketchy possible college graduate whose really been adrift in his life since a breakup about a year ago. And when our story opens he’s taken a turn for a worse and decided to date sweet but naive and inexperinced Knives Chau, a 17 year old girl. And why yes the power dynamics there are messed up and why yes Scott is pretty damn sketchy in this moment in time, and while yes I am aware the age of consent in canada is 16, it dosen’t make this any less greasy and the story knows that. And how it knows that MOST of his friends aren’t on board. The only ones who seems to is Stephen Stiles, leader of Sex Bomb-Omb, the band scott’s in with one of the best names ever and even then it’s hard to tell if he’s being sarcastic or just a total douche. The other, Young Neil Nordgraf, Stephen’s roomate, is well 19 or 20 and kind of a dipshit so we just ignore him. I used to use him as kind of a projection, to put myself in the adventure when I was younger as Neil kind of lacks personality in the comics but in the comics.. he’s not hte best or most complex character. He is great in the movie though and Edgar Wright did an amazing job fleshing him out. The rest of his circle are .. not so permissive. His best friend, roomate and king of all gays for all time Wallace Wells very much does not want to come with Scott to school to pick her up because every part of that sentence after hurt to type. Granted Scott gets him to come with him with promises of boys, but frankly knowing wallace he was probably just playing along/wants to protect this poor child. His ex and fellow bandmate Kim is clearly bothered by it and is flat out worried Scott is taking advantage of her. Kim and Wallace are easily my faviorites both for personality and because I have a massive crush on both. With Wallace it just didn’t manifest till the reread. Finally Scott’s kid sister Stacey chews him out over it before genuinely wondering if he’s gone insane or he’s actually happy. For my two cents: he’s not. He WANTS to be, but he dosen’t know how. And as someone whose both neurotypical, which given Scott’s troubles with empathy and relating to people like yours truly I strongly suggest he is, and has struggled with depression I can relate to that. He wants to move on but he just.. can’t, he just wants to get past the haze he’s been in since Envy dumped him.. but he dosen’t know how. So instead of doing someting constructive or finding a job or anything .. he just took the first and easiest way out of his depression he could. I’ve done that with video games and stuff. Scott did that by entering a relationship that’s really easy, requires only so much effort, and is with someone who utterly adores, looks up to him and will never expect better. Being with Knives makes him feel better.. but it dosen’t MAKE him a better person. As i’ve made clear dating someone just for a boost makes him actively worse and had fate not intervened, I shudder to think what Scott might have become. That being said his actoins are still creepy and since Scott has a habit of landing ass backwards into being an asshole here’s a counter to track that. That’s 2 for doing this overall, one for tleling her to be good, and 1 for trying to ply wallace with underage boys.

Your the Scum of the Earth Scott Counter: 1

Thankfully fate does and Scott’s dreams, ones of him crawling through a desert alone, are interupted by a mysterious pink haired girl on skates. The next day he’s just sort of in a daze, kind of confused, and even more so when he sees her IN REAL LIFE, while at the library with Knives. He’s understandably frazzled but ends up finding out he’s not hallucinating when talking to MIcheal Cormeau. Micheal is a minor character and another artist and friend of o malley’s who represents that one guy in social circles who knows everybody. And indeed he knows the mystery girl, Ramona Flowers and that she’s there. Scott TRIES talking her up but just creeps her out, so Scott goes with plan b and decides to ask around about her. Enter Sandra and Monique, two college aquantinces of Scott, who just sorta show up at major events and aren’t that developed or intresting. They turn him to Julie who forbids him to date her. To which I say.

Naturually we’ll aslo be needing a counter for this.

Shut Up Julie Counter: 1

Scott however did find out she’s a delivery girl for Amazon Canada, and thus orders some CD’s on Wallace’s Credit card to hopefully see her. And while his behavior IS obessive.. it’s understandable. I’d be weirdly obessed with finding someone too if they showed up in my dreams every day and were apparently a real person. I’d probably play it cooler but still i’ts kind of understandable. So after a day with knives in which he’s clearly checked out she kisses him, he freaks out and it’s very clear that while Scott’s good at attracting women he’s just.. not good with his emotions and has finally woken up to how messed up this is, but has no idea how to get out now he’s intrested in someone he actually has a future with maybe. Speaking of Scott’s package and Ramona finally arrive. Scott’s move is to.. ask her out abrubtly but after he mentions her Dreams, Ramona finally puts two and two together and explains things: She’s been using Subspace, a seris of highways connected by the subconcious and apparently more common in america, though it’s later revealed she was taught this but being the first book with a lot of the lore and what not ironed out this is fine. Point is she was just using his dreams as transit and didn’t mean to get him obessed. Scott continues to try his schtick and eventually gets her to agree to hang out with him. Why she does I generally do not know, as SCott basically fell ass backwards over himself conversationally, but whatever. If he didn’t succeed we wouldn’t have a plot.

That being said things pick up a bit with the date though. The scene is really good and simply just the two.. talking. Having plesant conversations getting to know one another. That good stuff. it’s just really nice to read and it’s hard to explain why. Highlights include Scott’s x-men patch, Ramona not wanting to talk about her last job and Scott admitting he hasn’t been obessed in a long time.. and it comes off sweet rather htan creepy like that sounds. It just means he hasn’t fell this head over heels felt like this. As I said Knives was easy.. but this is hard.. and this.. feels right. So as things Snow Ramona yanks scott through subspace to escape the blizzard.

So we end up back at Ramona’s place and she offers some tea which leads to one of the best gags of the volume as she lists them off:

So Ramona goes to get Scott a blanket, Scott ends up following finds her changing, and she decides to warm him up another way.. by embracing him... cue.. the inevitible really.

It feels organic though: The two are clearly attracted to each other and while Scott came on as strong as freaking colossus, he still rebounded well once they hung out and he could relax a bit and show the scott underneath the lairs of dumbass. The two end up cuddling in bed and Scott seems..genuiley happy saying he needed this... awwwwwww. They part the next morning with him asking her to his band’s performance.

So Scott finds Wallace at home who says what Scott needs to hear “You need to break up with your fake highschool girlfriend scott’ Granted the entire first 40 pages could’ve been titled that but now he’s actively cheating. He’s also got a letter.

youtube

It’s a death threat Scott barely grazes through, just like an email earlier.

But scott’s more concerned with his emotional distress.. i.e. the consequences of his throughly shitty actions finally hitting him in the face.

Scott heads to practice for his gig and can’t bring himself to break up with knives, but does find out about the opposition: Crash and the Boys, based on an NES game title because of course it is. Crash, their leader, Joel their baseplayer who scott hates because he hates all other baseplayers (”I don’t hate myself kim) and Trasha, an 8 year old progedy they found playing Drum Mania. Don’t ask me what that is, i’m not going to get every refrence.

So at the show Scott runs into Stacey and her new boyfriend Jimmy with Stacey being supportive. And then Knives shows up and then RAMONA SHOWS UP. Oh no scott’s cheating might be discovered!

So Scott books it while we’re introduced to Crash and the Boys. Wallace heckles them, to the band’s annoyance, until they eventually get fed up and we easly get the best gag of the volume. I was wrong this clearly tops the tea thing.

So Crash and The Boys continue to play their set, including a song that supposdely kills the audience but really knocks them out.. which of course bothers kim because they play next. Meanwhile Ramona and Stacey meet and the two really get along.. and come back to find the audience ko’d and Wallace Making out with Stacey’s boyfriend. Oh no! Which is a dick move, no question. But Stacey’s next move is questionable even for a 19 year old: She says “You won’t steel another guy from me and tells wallace to sit over there”. Okay Stacey even if he is bi, and this series has trouble with the concept of bisexuals we’ll get into that later trust me, he made out with someone else entirely while on a date with you. Wallace is still an asshole, it’s part of his charm.. but it dosen’t change the fact your date kissed someone else seconds after you were gone and has been eyballing him all night, as seen even above. He’s not into you as you thought, just accept it, move on, and kick Jimmy in the balls and then wallace like a proper lady. So Scott prepares to play and this happens

And it’s here, at the very end of the comic the series main premise finally kicks in and the world takes it’s true shape. It’s a world where an indie comedy about a mess of a being putting his life together after finding his dream girl.. also has said mess being forced to get into fist fights with wizards, movie stars, vegans, half-ninjas, twin roboticists and a katana wielding douchenozzle record exec in order to continue to have the right to date his girlfriend.

It’s where the series charm comes from and really what made it a huge sucess so it’s no suprise this volume perks up immensley for the climax. I’ll get more into it’s pacing problem at the end. For now it’s fight time and as we find out in a hilarious and awesome turn.. Scott is the best fighter in toronto.. which just makes me REALLLY want a Scott Pilgrim version of letterkenny. I mean who wouldn’t want to see wayne fight some guy who can turn his hands into dragons or see Squireely Dan do E.Honda’s hand slap move from streetfighter or see the skids all fuse into one mega emo. It’s just.. the possiblities are as endless as they are wonderous and I want this now.

But yeah as Patel is both the first boss and Scott’s first real opponent Scott.. handles him really easily. This was by design as O’Malley wanted a shonen progression to the fights.. and honestly it’s a great way to do things. Since the fights are styled after shonen and video games, and both have power based progression in bad guys and threats, it just made sense. Patel.. is just pathetic even with his magic powers, and his habit of sending letters and emails just pounds it in. Though he is right to be a bit pissed Scott didn’t read a letter he hand delivered in a snowstorm. That’s just a tad rude.

Mid-Fight, Scott, now he knows the whole evil ex boyfriend thing, wonders what Matt and Ramona’s past is and while Matthew refuses to tell.. Ramona spills easily. It was midddle school, all the jocks wanted her for whatever reason, likely because from experince in high school, guys really like indie girls. Matthew was the only non-white non jock, so they teamed up and with her strength and his mystic powers they beat them.. but since his use had dried up, she flipped him off and left. Matthew dosen’t take this well and summons demon hipster chicks to fight while Scott and co, minus ramona, fight back with a finger gun routine and block his fire balls before propelling Scott into matthew somehow, and landing the KO Evil Exes Left: 6 Matthew bursts into coins though fun fact, O’Malley says the Exes all respawned back at home afterwords and learned their lesson. With Pattel I genuinely don’t think he did... but clearly given his penchant for formality what with the letters and emails, he probably felt it’d break protocol to attack before the rest were done. He probably jsut formed a hipster emo band and found more sucess using his magic for that instead and just forgot about the whole thing. Could be wrong but that’s what i’m going with. So Scott asks Ramona to go out with him then make out with him, both of which she says yes to. Nice one scotty boy. Ramona then explains the whole evil exes thing: He’ll have to defeat each one as they come after him, and while Scott wonders if they’ll come one at a time Ramona’s not sure. As time will bear out, Scott is MOSTLY correct as most exes take him one on one, with the exception of the twins. But since as I said earlier the twins are basically one person, and as we’ll find out by choice, so it’s an exception. Plus their the last step before the final boss, so by that token it’s a bit fairer to have the penultimate boss get an unfair advantage. Scott is fine with that, he and Ramona share another moment and a kiss.. but Scott makes the mistake of asking if gideon is one and Ramona’s head starts glowing with her dodging the subject, though still going out with SCott and him worried.. it just feels.. off. not a bad ending but the only one of the series three cliffhanger endings that just dosen’t work for me, especailly since it is a bit before the Gideon mystery really picks up steam again. But with that we close this chapter

FINAL THOUGHTS:

Precious Little Life is a decent start to the story. While Scott is loathsome at first, he’s still a compelling character and does get more likeable as things go, the humor when it is there shines and is one of the series best assets and while the fight is short and only at the end, it is oh so glorious especailly in cover with the impacts taking cues from the movie. It’s a good intro to Scott’s world and ther’es a reason the movie adapts this book the closest as it sets up the cast and premise well, with only Stephen Stiles feeling a bit off and ONLY for the first few chapters. The volume is only really held back by it’s pacing, as before Scott runs into ramona in his dream the story feels a bit sluggish as we’re just watching some douche date a high school kid. While it is necessary to set up the world, it just dosen’t have the snappy pacing the series would be known for and that makes the rest of the series more charming. it’s nto BAD.. but it’s not FANTASTIC like the series would become. What keeps it from being bad is simple: These aren’t general badness signs but more just O’Malley coming into his owna nd getitng better and better as the book goes, to the point that by the next book the pacing is much better and by book 3 onwards he has it down pat. Overall not a BAD volume but certaionly the weakest of the bunch.. which given it’s still really good says something about the ride we’re in for. I’ll be back sometime in the future, likely january. Yup i’m taking on YET ANOTHER PROJECT. but since this one, while clearly exausting and time consuimg, is much shorter in overall length, and i’m still proritizing the three I have running over this, I think i’ll be just fine. Until next time, have a happy holiday.

#scott pilgrim #scott pilgrims precious little life #ramona flowers #wallace wells #kim pine #stephen styles #knives chau #neil nordgraf #julie powers #matthew pattel #gideon #crash and the boys #reviews #comics #oni press #micheal comereau #stacey pilgrim

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aizawaskittenwhore · 4 years

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headcanon: they have a s/o that listens to a specific female artist

featuring izuku, bakugo, todoroki, kirishima, and our pros before hoes hawks and aizawa lol

words: 1k??

warnings: some slick lil nasty comments (cause when aizawa’s involved i can’t write fully sfw) and language that’s it lol

𝕚𝕫𝕦𝕜𝕦 𝕞𝕚𝕕𝕠𝕣𝕚𝕪𝕒 𝕨/ 𝕒 𝕤/𝕠 𝕥𝕙𝕒𝕥 𝕝𝕠𝕧𝕖𝕤 𝕦𝕞𝕚:

the first time he’d ever heard of her was when the two of you went on a drive one night

he’d already liked the vibe of a few of the songs you’d played

and then lullaby came on

man when i say this boy didn’t think he could fall for you any harder until that moment

he was so wrong

hearing your voice softly harmonize with the melody had his heart skipping beats

the street was deserted cause it was so late

and all he remembers is copper streetlamps illuminating your face

left hand out the window, right hand on the wheel while the wind blows your scarf in all different directions

and when happy again plays???

and you blissfully kiss him while you’re stopped at a red light???

while your hand is already holding his?????

izuku is sold

he goes home and downloads all her music

and she becomes “your” artist

“babe wake up umi just dropped music”

he even took you to see her in concert for your birthday lol

𝕜𝕒𝕥𝕤𝕦𝕜𝕚 𝕓𝕒𝕜𝕦𝕘𝕠 𝕨𝕚𝕥𝕙 𝕒 𝕤/𝕠 𝕥𝕙𝕒𝕥 𝕝𝕚𝕤𝕥𝕖𝕟𝕤 𝕥𝕠 𝕣𝕚𝕔𝕠 𝕟𝕒𝕤𝕥𝕪

now why would you put him on to rico bruh

but in your defense it’s not your fault

he was helping you with dinner one night

and you hated working in silence so you’d asked him to play something from your playlist

he chose “smack a bitch” cause he liked the title💀

and from that point forward he was obsessed

he was already attracted to your no-nonsense, take no shit type attitude

so knowing that you listened to the same kinda music made you ten times hotter

you knowing all the lyrics had his dick on HARD LMFAOOOO

anger management is his favorite album

you fell tf out when he said that cause...have you met katsuki that mf is the poster child for anger issues

secretly likes sugar trap too but refuses to admit it

on bad days y’all will blast all of rico’s aggressive songs and rage

your downstairs neighbors hate you.

𝕥𝕠𝕕𝕠𝕣𝕠𝕜𝕚 𝕨𝕚𝕥𝕙 𝕒 𝕤/𝕠 𝕥𝕙𝕒𝕥 𝕝𝕚𝕤𝕥𝕖𝕟𝕤 𝕥𝕠 𝕥𝕖𝕪𝕒𝕟𝕒 𝕥𝕒𝕪𝕝𝕠𝕣

okay so todoroki is painfully introverted

which isn’t his fault cause endeavor isn’t father of the year by any means

so i hc him with someone who’s extroverted and outgoing

teyana makes music for bad bitches who work hard and play harder

but have a soft side too and just wanna love/be loved bro

he loves that you can put on such a brave face for the world every day no matter what

he’ll never forget when he knew he loved you

he was getting in pretty late from a patrol that had run overtime

and he’d found you, crying on your shared bed after an awful day n this man’s heart just splinters cause he don’t know how to comfort people🧍🏾‍♀️

but you don’t ask him for much, just for him to hold you and he does

the next day he wakes up to you just bopping to “never would have made it” and you just glow as you pull him outta bed to come dance with you like you weren’t just crying last night which has him confused asf

“you can be strong and still be vulnerable baby.”

that shit hit home for him

lowkey wants to recreate the shower scene from the “fade” video with you now

𝕙𝕚𝕥𝕠𝕤𝕙𝕚 𝕤𝕙𝕚𝕟𝕤𝕠𝕦 𝕨𝕚𝕥𝕙 𝕒 𝕤/𝕠 𝕥𝕙𝕒𝕥 𝕝𝕚𝕤𝕥𝕖𝕟𝕤 𝕥𝕠 𝕛𝕙𝕖𝕟𝕖

y’all can’t tell me this mf don’t be zooted 25/8 and most def has a smoke playlist with jhene on it

so when he finds out that you like her too???

oh baby the vibes here are immaculate

you can’t tell me he wouldn’t have chilombo goin in the background while y’all smoke

and if you don’t personally smoke then he’ll just cuddle with you while he practices tricks<3

will ask you if you wanna get licked too if you stare at him as he’s rollin

the energy here is so balanced it’s crazy

shinsou hates drama and all that other bullshit

so when he’s with you he’s the most relaxed he can be

also he loves that you’re not opposed to deep conversations about your purpose on this earth and how you can feed off other people’s energies

y’all definitely burn sage together on sundays

but don’t get it twisted

cause he knows better than anyone that while you may be chill your hands are still rated E for everybody

been on the receiving end of your anger once or twice and he said never again lol

𝕖𝕚𝕛𝕚𝕣𝕠 𝕜𝕚𝕣𝕚𝕤𝕙𝕚𝕞𝕒 𝕨𝕚𝕥𝕙 𝕒 𝕤/𝕠 𝕥𝕙𝕒𝕥 𝕝𝕚𝕤𝕥𝕖𝕟𝕤 𝕥𝕠 𝕜𝕒𝕝𝕚 𝕦𝕔𝕙𝕚𝕤

there is nothing more attractive to kiri than someone who’s not afraid to take a leap of faith

you’d known each other since second year, and honestly you were itching to change up your energy

you were tired of being the same old, boring, timid y/n

so you started small: you experimented with your hair more, tried out new makeup, and clothes that accentuated your...ahem..assets

sweaters became tube tops, lip balm turned into brown liner with a thick coat of gloss, skirts became bell bottom jeans with the occasional pair of heels

don’t be fooled, you still loved your old clothes, you just needed to branch out

and as your new style grew so did your taste in music

honestly when you started listening to kali you really hit peak Bad Bitch Energy™️

kiri was, in short, enamored with you

the way you woke up one day and decided to be a whole new person was so manly to him

and he loved the way you knew you didn’t need shit from him but still let him spoil you

which only made him wanna spoil you more

and the way you shifted from a goddess who could step on him with a perfectly manicured foot to kiri’s baby who demanded cuddles before 11am????

the duality has wedding bells going off in his head lol

pros before hoes lol

𝕙𝕒𝕨𝕜𝕤 𝕨𝕚𝕥𝕙 𝕒 𝕤/𝕠 𝕥𝕙𝕒𝕥 𝕝𝕚𝕤𝕥𝕖𝕟𝕤 𝕥𝕠 𝕞𝕖𝕘𝕒𝕟

“fell too fast for me, now the nigga hurt”

that lyric is your dynamic with keigo in a nutshell.

he’d met you while he was in fukuoka on a “business trip” .....which was code for a booty call🙄

and figured he’d try to get another pyt on his team

...only problem was, you were a whole hot girl coach (with ya own draft picks no less)

you had heard about playboy (and no.2 hero) Hawks from here to the States

so, you’d decided to play dumb, hoping he’d slip up and you’d get another pro on your list

all it took was a few sleepovers and calling him keigo over breakfast in the morning...dude was stuck

this man was trying to run game and now you had him throwin you some money to get your hair and nails done “just because” n buy you birkins....embarrassing 💀

however despite him being a sweetheart you didn’t forget what this was, and he wasn’t the only egg in your basket since you knew you weren’t his

this man saw edgeshot’s name come through with a “you up?” text while you were in the shower and cried to brent for a week straight LMFAOOO

but what did he expect from the same person who knew every lyric to meg’s wap verse...come on baby do better

long story short if you can’t handle a stallion don’t try to tame one.

𝕤𝕙𝕠𝕥𝕒 𝕒𝕚𝕫𝕒𝕨𝕒 𝕨𝕚𝕥𝕙 𝕒 𝕤/𝕠 𝕥𝕙𝕒𝕥 𝕝𝕚𝕤𝕥𝕖𝕟𝕤 𝕥𝕠 𝕤𝕫𝕒

whewwww okay the amount of scorpio energy flowing through here is borderline suffocating

honestly if you listen to sza you’re either a scorpio, heartbroken, manifesting, have low self esteem with sudden confidence bursts or all the above don’t lie

in all seriousness shota didn’t see himself getting into a serious relationship due to his pro hero status

that, and he didn’t feel like there was anyone out there that was just...on his level mentally???

but then he meets you and you throw him for a loop though he’ll never admit it

you didn’t just throw yourself at him at the beginning

and while sure you made it known that the attraction was mutual you treaded lightly

he could tell you’d been hurt before and would kill before you let someone get you in a position to hurt you again

pretended not to notice you crying to supermodel when he was supposed to be sleeping

which he understood, for him trust issues came with the territory so there was a mutual understanding between you two

you don’t mind his schedule since you prioritize your alone time and he loves that

you definitely get him into meditation and crystal/chakra alignment

at first he thinks it’s a bunch of bullshit

until it helps him sleep better...mf is a secret hippie now

he loves that you’re trying to heal/become a better version of yourself and he gets to be a part of that growth :,) it makes him a little more optimistic for his personal goals

the sex is elite lol had to say it the vibes are too good here

𝕥𝕙𝕒𝕟𝕜𝕤 𝕤𝕠 𝕞𝕦𝕔𝕙 𝕗𝕠𝕣 𝕣𝕖𝕒𝕕𝕚𝕟𝕘, 𝕒𝕟𝕕 𝕡𝕝𝕖𝕒𝕤𝕖 𝕝𝕖𝕥 𝕞𝕖 𝕜𝕟𝕠𝕨 𝕚𝕗 𝕪𝕠𝕦 𝕘𝕦𝕪𝕤 𝕨𝕒𝕟𝕥 𝕞𝕠𝕣𝕖 𝕠𝕗 𝕥𝕙𝕖𝕤𝕖!

#mha #bnha #izuku midoriya #katsuki bakugo headcanons #mha headcanons #katsuki bakugo #bakugo x reader #eijiro kirishima #kirishima x reader #todoroki shouto #todoroki x reader #hawks x reader #tamaki keigo #aizawa x reader #shota aizawa #bhna headcanons #my hero academia

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lesbiancarat · 3 years

Note

Lol its fine!! Reply whenever you can ^_^

But ahh true, true. Idk why I thought it would be a hint to the music lol but a sort og an evolution of the concept so to speak. Either way, am excited for the comeback because fresh svt is always iconic. Oohhh the concept photos are all pretty and idk which one to pick jfkshfjsjd. Like they are all very on brand for them but also unique and pretty. Very artsy haha.

Ahh yes, rabbitnwas forever iconic and it was what helped other places like discord to do similar things! But ah understandable!! Both seventeen and nct (when I was getting into kpop more) always felt like BIG well known groups due to their fandoms being so big at least to me. Especially when people always recommended their songs i just assumed they have been around for a while like bts when I joined only to realize they are still rookies. Monster rookies indeed!! The fact so many people love them is enough for me to say they are amazing, well respected and loved by many. Those comments annoy me, especially when people downplay their hard work by claiming 'bighit helped them get more famous' like what!? Yes bighit did help with getting more western attention per se but like downplaying as if they haven't achieved anything at all is confusing to me. Claiming how streaming fans aren't doing s good job to which im like one, mass streaming isn't healthy and two, fans who do try their best and we do beat records of our own. Seventeen isn't unpopular, just because they aren't you know who level doesn't mean they aren't big like do people forget what unpopular means?

Anywhoo, a day late but happy late birthday to our tiger King. May he forever rule the tiger land and take over the world with his tiger agenda lol.

yes! one side fits my aesthetic the best but all the concept photos were nice ^^

and yeah it is annoying but at the same time those people are so detached from reality that I'm just sort of like whatever djflgj like 'it's obvious to anyone who knows what they're talking about you're wrong so I'm not going to bother arguing w you' is sort of my mindset when i see those comments dhfkj bc if i don't think of it that way then i get angry easily. the way i see it bh/hybe definitely is helping SVT with western promotions but like. i don't think SVT/pledis would have been incapable of expanding into the western market on their own if they wanted to. but it's a given that it will be easier and faster with hybe bc they have connections and a reputation in the western market already established. honestly I'd guess that was one of pledis's main incentives for agreeing to the acquisition. but at the same time hybe and western media wouldn't give SVT the time of day if they truly were the flops some ppl try to claim they are lol

and yeah agreed, streaming culture can be super unhealthy. it's one thing to do it if you want to but at the same time don't be losing sleep over it or prioritizing it over your real life responsibilities. and definitely don't guilt trip and say a bunch of toxic things to others to get them to stream... i feel like it would be a lot healthier if fanbases just stuck to simply explaining, hey this is what streaming is and why it can be important (for like music shows etc) and here's how to do it properly if you choose to stream, and then just let people decide for themselves. there would still be people more than willing to do it, and without the guilt tripping maybe even more people would just find it enjoyable. but hey, what do i know? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

i also think most kpop stans underestimate how many views from from casual listeners and fans vs hardcore fans/streamers. like streaming does make a difference, but not 100M views difference like some people try to act like it does. tbh there are a lot of groups that have a smaller core fanbase than SVT but get hundreds of millions of views bc they have a lot of casual listeners. you can even see it internally too: don't wanna cry is SVTs most viewed MV by a mile, it's the only one to pass 100M views, let alone 200M. and it has nothing to do w carats streaming dwc extra hard, it's bc it's arguably SVTs most well known song outside of the fandom. i see reactors all the time who react to it and say "oh i know this song! i had no idea it was by seventeen" and you can look at the comments section and see a bunch of people saying the song has a fandom of its own/even if you're not a carat you have to know this song

kpop stans also put too much emphasis on views imo and also equate views to popularity, which on the surface might make sense but isn't always the case. actually in terms of profit, groups/companies make the vast majority of their money off of album, merch, and ticket sales than they do off of views. but those are all things that are a lot harder to "sell" than views, because they actually cost money for the consumer, while you can watch an MV for free. hence why it makes sense that there are a lot of groups with hundreds of millions of views that get relatively low album sales. it's easy to convince casual fans and and listeners to watch an MV than to get them to buy something

and I'm not trying to diss other groups at all or try to say groups that consistently get 200M+ views are flops, they're absolutely not. I'm just trying to point out that kpop stans completely underestimate the amount of casual listeners that exist

but this is why SVT is honestly such a fascinating case. their MV views are nothing to write home about, and yet they're the second highest selling k-act at the moment and are in the top 10 if not top 5 highest selling k-acts of all time, their album sales are literally insane. a lot of people chalk it up to carats being bad streamers but like i said before, streaming isn't going to make a difference of hundreds of millions of views. this indicates to me that seventeen have a bigger core fanbase (ie people who call themselves carats and actually keep track of seventeens activities) but a smaller audience of casual listeners compare to other kpop groups. and i think a lot of people, carats, and non carats alike, pick up on this in some way or another but don't realize that's what's going on and it manifests in kind of weird ways sometimes

and this fact isn't something that bothers me, i actually think it's super important more than anything for SVT to have a strong core fanbase if what they're shooting for is longevity. but i do find it strange bc as i said, groups that do better with digitals than physical sales make total sense from a consumer standpoint!! so how did SVT end up like this!! it's so interesting for me to think about. i think i would have a better idea of why this is if i had been around since debut but alas

the only thing i can come up with is that SVT is better at retaining fans or like... getting fans invested in the group so people who become carats are less likely to be multistans? bc multistans play a huge part in both being and attracting casual listeners. they're the ones making video compilations and edits and content that includes multiple kpop groups, which is how a lot of non-fans get interested in other groups. whereas if someone is just a carat and making content for SVT the people most likely to watch that content is ppl who are already carats. i know im not the only one that's noticed it's kind of rare for SVT to be included in multistan edits and videos. which i don't blame anyone for, i think most of those people genuinely just don't stan SVT and they shouldn't be expected to include a group they don't know we'll or at all. at the end of the day ppl can make what they like. but it's interesting to observe as a general trend. but idk SVT potentially having a lower percentage of multistans still isn't really an explanation for why SVT doesn't have as many casual listeners bc those things kind of just go hand in hand. like either one could be the cause of the other one if that makes sense

ANYWAY sorry for the long reply but as i said the ratio of SVTs core fanbase vs casual listeners is a topic i find endlessly fascinating dhfmfj

#melia.ask #📖 anon #long post

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shadedrose01 · 4 years

Text

Truth or Dare (Yes, I Double Dare You)

Ships: Parkner (Harley Keener/Peter Parker), mentioned Thompsborn (Harry Osborn/Flash Thompson)

Summary: Peter play Truth or Dare with his friends.

Tags: Febufluff, Day 8, I dare you to kiss me, Truth or Dare, Party Games, Birthday Party, They play truth or dare y'all, Peter has a crush on Harley, Harley likes him back, Thompsborn is in this too, Bisexual Peter Parker, Gay Harley Keener, Dare, Calling your crush, admitting feelings, Mutual Pining, First Kiss, Kissing, Cute, Fluff, a lot of swearing, I dont know why i made them swear so much, im sorry lol, Bad French, Poor translated french, I Tried

Day eight of Febufluff: "I dare you to... kiss me"!

"Hmm, I dare you to speak in a French accent for the next three rounds." Flash grins over his cup, swirling the drink in front of his mouth before taking a sip, watching the smile drop off of his boyfriend's face, an incredulous expression replacing it.

"Seriously?!?"

"Yes, seriously! And that wasn't in an accent!"

"Oui, oui, baguette." Harry deadpans, looking so entirely done with Flash's bullshit, the entire room erupting into laughter as said boy sits up, shoving his boyfriend's shoulder hard.

"No halfassed bullshit, dickwad. The real deal."

"Fine, you want the real deal?" Harry sits up straight, and Peter starts giggling like a mad man from the other side of the room, leaning against the wall to watch the scene unfold, knowing exactly what is about to happen. Harry clears his throat, holds a dramatic pause for a few seconds, before- "Tu veux un accent francaise, tu vas recevoir un accent francaise."

"Oh my god, I forgot he spoke French!" Flash moans, slowly slipping down the wall in shame.

"Oh la la, ma chérie, qu'est ce que tu as fais, eh?" Harry grins, smug, cheeky, knowing he's won this hand as his boyfriend sinks even lower, his head almost level with the ground, his face red.

"And why is it so hot?!?"

"Okay, okay, enough." Ned laughs, sitting chris cross apple sauce beside Peter, the party hat sat on the top of his head beginning to sag.

It was Ned's 17th birthday, and instead of throwing a big party full of alcohol and loud music like most people in their classes did, he decided to have a smaller party, a sleepover full of board games, video games and now party games, with his closest friends, with their friend group. So here they all were, packing into Ned's smaller sized room, Flash and Harry practically conjoined at the hip sitting against the wall, Peter and Ned sitting on top of his bed on the other side of the room, and MJ and Harley leaning against said bed, sat on the floor, playing what would hopefully be a quick game of Truth or Dare. Hopefully.

Peter had never liked this game. There was always too much risk for him in this game, of being asked to reveal one of his many secrets, or of being asked to embarrass himself for laughs. He gets the appeal of it, the adrenaline rush, the amusement of watching your friends do something stupid, it's a fun game to watch, but that doesn't mean he likes playing it. He hadnt even called on yet though, and he was hoping to keep it that way.

He shouldn't have jinxed it.

As if his thoughts manifested into reality, Harry turns to stare at him with a unknown, horrifying glint in his eyes. Oh no, this is definitely not going to end well. "Action ou Vérité?"

Peter sighs, looking up to the ceiling as he mumbles "Dare.", assuming that's what Harry asked. If he's going to go down, he may as well go down in style.

Harry's grin widens, and Peter is already regretting his decision. "Je te défie de telephoner ton béguin."

Peter blinks at him in confusion, before MJ translates, "He's daring you to call your crush."

"What?!?" Peter sputters, Harry cackling at his flushing face while Harley speaks up for the first time in a while, his ('beautiful, gorgeous, fuck-') face turned towards MJ, scrunched up in thought.

"You know French? Since when?"

MJ just shrugs, face impartial, the only sign of her shyness being her pushing a stray hair behind her ear. "Since I got bored one day and learned it."

Harley just nods, like that makes sense, all while Peter is internal freaking the fuck out. Normally, this type of thing wouldn't be an issue. Sure, your friends will find out who your crush is, and tease you about it, and it'll be embarassing and whatever, but that's not the problem. Oh no no no no no, that would be too easy for Peter Parker. No, the problem with this question for Peter is that his crush is in the damn room, sitting directly in front of him leaning against the bed, an easy smile tilting up his thin pink lips, showing off his adorable dimples as he scans the room again with those big, stunning ocean blue eyes, hair coiffed back just right, messy, but just neat enough to be perfect, one stray blond curl falling in front of his eyes and fuck, fuck, frick fuck.

What is he going to do?!? He can't exactly call Harley when he's right in front of him, but he can't exactly say that he won't do it either, he wont be that guy. And now everybody is staring at it, expectant, waiting, shit, shit, shit-

Ned's eyes are the only ones that are sympathetic, because he knows, he knows who Peter likes and why this is such a big deal. Harley is one of Peter's best friends, they've been friends for years, and Peter is closer to Harley than he is to anybody else, he cant just throw it all away because of a game, can he? Harley definitely doesnt like him back, so if he does call him, it'll only end badly, but theres this tiny, tiny, traitorous part of him that wants to fo it, wants to tell him, if only to get it out in the open. But he cant ruin their friendship like that, he cant, but- but- oh god, oh no-

"Come on, Parker, we don't have all day." Flash complains innocently, not knowing of Peter's internal dilemma as he throws a stray piece of popcorn at him, Peter catching it subconsciously and throwing it into his mouth, just to try and get a few more seconds of peace before all hell breaks loose, before he destroys his closest friendship with his stupid ass feelings, goddamn it-

"Yeah, Pete, come on, dont keep us on the end of our seats." Harley teases, placing his head onto the blankets and looking back at him upside down, his hair surrounding his head like a halo, making him look even more angelic that he normally does, and god, why him, why? "Who's caught your eye, hm?"

Peter takes a deep, long, shaky breath, trying to prepare himself for the worst (and failing), taking his phone out of his pocket and scrolling down to Harleys contract, the black letters and two heart emojis on either side staring back at him mockingly. He hovers his thumb over the call button, noting how much its trembling, before he gulps and presses it, placing the phone to his ear, squeezing his eyes shut like a coward, unable to watch, knowing that Harleys expression was going shift, was going to turn from soft and warm, friendly, to hard and angry, to hatred and disgust and-

ACDC blares out into the room, the noise very obviously Harley's ringtone, and Peter grits his teeth, biting his tongue hard, his heart hammering in his chest.

"Wha-" Harley sounds so confused, so so confused, and Peter's squeezes his eyes shut tighter, holding back the burning tears that are threatening to spill. "Peter, why are you- wait..." He stops, pauses, and Peter digs his nails into his palm, squeezing his phone until he hears it start to crack. "...really?"

His voice is shaky, and god, Peter made him upset, he is probably so hurt, so confused, so disgusted, god stupid, you're so stupid, why would you do that, why didnt you just not do it, why why why-

He nods once, slowly, swallowing down a sob before whispering out "I'm sorry," into the now eerily silent room, his friends seemingly shocked into silence. He doesnt even want to know what they're thinking, what expressions are on their faces-

Theres another pause, another moment before he hears somebody shifting, Harley standing up, he's leaving, he's leaving- Good job, Parker, now you're forcing him to leave, you made him feel so uncomfortable that he's leaving, good fricken job, god, what is wrong with you-

A hand rubs his cheek gently, so so gently, spurring him out of his head as it brushes away a tear that had broken free, before another hand joins it on his other cheek, cradling his face. Peter blinks opens his eyes, shocked to see that its Harleys hands on his face, and that its Harley sat right in front of his face, with a wide smile and glowing eyes, face bright. "You mean it? You really mean it?"

Peter just nods again, so, so confused but also filling with a spark of hope, of joy as Harley's smile grows even more, filling his face before he launches into Peter's arms, hugging him tightly. "Oh thank god," he breathes into Peter's shoulder, and Peter is so lost, what is happening- "I thought you were gonna call someone else, and I was gonna have to act all happy and like it didn't bother me when it totally would have and-"

"Wait, wait," Peter finally puts together the pieces, and pulls away to stare at Harley with wide eyes, the beginning of a smile twitching at his lips. "You like me back?"

"Yeah?" Harley cheeks grow a rosey hue, and he looks away bashfully. "I thought it was obvious."

Peter shakes his head wildly, eyes still wide, this cant be happening, he likes me back, he likes me- "No, no it wasn't, it really really wasn't-"

"So, what I'm hearing," MJ cuts in, tone blunt as always, but with hints of warm amusement softening the usual edge, "is that you two are oblivious idiots."

They both laugh breathless, staring into each others eyes. "Apparently." Harley murmurs, his blue eyes swirling and flickering up and down, looking down at his lips before looking back up again.

Peter gets an idea, a cheesy, cheesy idea, and grins. "Hey, it's my turn now, right?" He asks to the group, never taking his eyes off of Harley.

"Yeeup!" Ned responds enthusiastically, seemingly thrilled to see his two best friends realizing their feelings for one another.

"Well," he leans forward a bit more, watching as Harleys pupil's grow bigger. "Truth or dare, Harls."

"Dare." He responds easily, quickly, seemingly getting more and more antsy by the second. Peter can't blame him, he feels the same way.

"I dare you to kiss me." Peter doesnt even finish his sentence before Harley's lips are pressed to his, his hands moving upwards and running through his hair, fingers grabbing lightly onto the strands as Peter grabs his hips lightly, pulling him closer, both of the boys grinning into the kiss. Peter can hear MJ gagging in the background, Harry exclaiming "gross!" like he doesnt kiss Flash every two seconds, and Ned squealing like a fangirl, but he ignores it all, just focusing on Harley, focusing on this moment, his heart swelling in his chest.

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ofperez · 4 years

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♔ — * in tonight’s performance of ensemblehq, the role of the leading lady will be played by paola perez.

hello everyone ! my name is kiwi, i’m 20 years old, vibing in the est timezone, and i use they/she pronouns. a fun fact about me is that i’m actually studying theatre in college right now !! if i was a skeleton in this rp, i would definitely be the comic, as i tend to get typecasted into comedic roles in literally every show that we do ever (will i ever play a romantic lead in my life? probably not. i’ve made my peace with it.)

i will be writing the incomparable paola, everyone’s favorite rachel berry wannabe. while you can read her full bio HERE (and i’ll love you forever if you do), i’ve included some bullet points below because i know that i wrote a lot nsfkgjdfs

SO without further ado (adieu? ado? adue? how did i get into this rp, i have literally one braincell) i present to you: the grand journey of paola perez.

fictional character inspirations include: rosalie hale from twilight, dany from game of thrones, winter anderson from american horror story, maddy perez from euphoria, mariana foster from the fosters and (bc i have to) angelica schuyler from hamilton and also rachel berry from glee (don’t @ me, i had to do it)

ABOUT.

paola is the only child of luciana perez, an immigrant from colombia who fled her hometown of quibdó before her daughter’s first birthday. she got an american work visa, packed up all her things, and left the life she knew behind.

they never found a place to settle down in the united states, and moved around every couple of months to avoid detection and suspicion from neighbors and authorities.

(RACISM TW) this was exciting for paola, and she never really gave it a second thought until one day in the eighth grade when a boy told her to “go back home,” and that she wasn’t a “real american.” this made her upset as she didn’t know what he meant and she ran home to her mother immediately, demanding an explanation.

her mom was about to explain when the phone rang and she was told by a coworker that they needed her at work. she told paola to pack a bag and head to the neighbors for a bit. her mom never came back and she’s lived with her neighbor, linda, ever since.

she did not find out what happened to her mother until a year and a bit later, when linda sat her down and told her that her mother wrote her a letter, and she wanted to explain what happened to her first.

(DEPORTATION TW) the phone call her mother received was from one of her coworkers who was also undocumented. she said that ICE (immigration and customs enforcement) had shown up at their place of employment and was asking questions to employees, getting information about the ones who weren’t at work that day. if luciana didn’t go to work in that moment, ice would have shown up at her door that night, and they would have taken both her and paola into custody. her mom was now back in colombia, and paola was alone.

she wasn’t entirely alone, however. she had the theatre program at school and she had linda at home, and at school, she was super successful. she got lead role after lead role, building her resume so that she could get into a good college and then have a successful career and be able to take care of her mother.

things that happened before the end of her senior year also included officially being adopted by linda and applying to DACA (deferred action for childhood arrivals)

upon arriving at alderidge, paola realized that she could be anything she wanted to be, and what she wanted to be was rich and powerful and successful, and SO homegirl lies about being on scholarship and having tons of money and basically has created this whole second identity as a wall between her and everyone else.

she loves orson. not in like a romantic way, but in a “the only father figure i’ve ever known” kind of way. she used to spend hours in his office crying, working on assignments, getting advice from him on grad schools and life after college. his loss is devastating for her, and she’s definitely gone into full conspiracy theory mode.

HEADCANNONS.

i think for her audition monologue to get into the school she did the “out damned spot” monologue from m*****h, and i think that orson shed a tear at her performance.

she has saved a flower from every show that she has been in, pressed it, and preserved it so that after she graduates, she can have something to take with her to each dressing room she ends up inhabiting during her career.

linda tries her hardest to travel from florida to washington to see every show she can. if she can’t be there in person, she will email the school repeatedly until she gets a video recording of the performance. linda and paola have a tradition where after each show, they get ice cream and just talk MAD shit about everyone else in the cast. this is alive and well, and even though they sometimes do this over facetime, they still love doing it.

paola is really bright ! like super academic (enough to get a full ride to alderidge) but that’s something she keeps under wraps. she does have to maintain a 3.0 gpa to stay at school on her scholarship, and that is something she’s never had to worry about. she’s also minoring in business b/c even the most confident among us gotta have back up plans.

(TW: DRUGS) let’s talk about coke ! i imagine that her and the leading man found orson’s secret stash one day years ago and tried it “just for shits and giggles,” expecting to do it once just to try it and then to never do it again. that didn’t work, and now she is sort of reliant on it. she does coke before every performance and audition, when she needs a little pick me up to finish an assignment or to memorize the last of her lines, at parties, literally any reason she can find to take more she will take more. this is a problem !! homegirl needs an intervention, stat, or else she is not making it to broadway, no ma’am.

i think she has a completion compulsion, meaning once she starts something, she has to see it through. this manifests itself in many different ways. she won’t move on to the next question on a test until she answers the one prior, she won’t quit a project in the middle of it until she has some sort of finished project, won’t quit a club or a show or a commitment until the end. this also can be seen in her friendship w/ the scene stealer !

okay this is just because i’m a huge theatre nerd but i think she was definitely mayzie la bird in seussical the musical at some point, also probably the witch in into the woods and then i think her senior musical was mamma mia and she was donna.

her dream roles include harper in angels in america, lady m*****t in m*****t, and honestly probably goody proctor in the crucible (although she’s SUCh an abigail williams, smh).

she was born on the same day as barack obama and that’s not REALLY a headcannon, because it’s more a fact, but i think it’s neat.

WANTED.

you can find my wanted connection tag here ! it’s a bit scarce right now, but it has some fun jumping off points

other wanted connections i included in my app are: “line study partners, the person who she always goes and gets taco bell with after every rehearsal, maybe a roommate in between the supporting role sophomore year and the statue senior year who she actually really got along with! some sort of love interest would be cool but is definitely not mandatory although the most theatre kid romantic ship i can think of is being paired up to do a romantic scene and then dropping the scripts and making out so that could happen and be very cool very nice”

that’s it ! i’ll shut up now ! can’t wait to get started !

#ensembleintro #intro.#i did NOT get this ready over the weekend but i DID stay up super late last night to write it so

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angeltriestoblog · 4 years

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I figured out what I want to do with my life! And made a vision board!

It came to me in a flash, really. One minute, I was watching a handpainted narration of the life and death of one of the greatest painters of all time, and next thing you know, I've abandoned it completely and started furiously typing away at my laptop about what I envisioned myself to be in five years' time. And I know I've had my fair share of false alarms in life: I thought I had what it takes to be a lawyer after seeing Legally Blonde for the first time while on my way to a school field trip, and seriously considered pursuing a career as a fashion blogger or MTV VJ because I was kind of fed up with school.

But this one just makes sense. Advising and assisting clients in producing content, collaterals, and campaigns according to their business objectives and based on collected data! It marries my love for writing, my knack for snooping around (the academic term is research!), and the specialty in technology and management my university ensures I'll have at the end of my four-year degree. i have yet to see how it’ll allow me to give back to society since that’s also a factor I want to consider in looking for a dream job but I’ll make it work. I found it hard to sleep that night, thanks to this nerdy, giddy kind of adrenaline rush I had. I broke down this big idea into smaller and smaller action steps until all I had left was a refined list of ideas and intentions, and a splitting headache.

I needed to make sure I was constantly reminded of their existence so all my choices and decisions would serve as a step closer to reaching all of them. So I caved in to the wishes of the "law of attraction" side of the Internet, and created my very own vision board! Simply put, this act of visualization is a powerful technique that can be used to manifest desires and reach goals. Our subconscious minds mainly recognize symbols and images: by merely looking at our vision boards everyday, subliminal messages are being sent to our brains, which will encourage them to work tirelessly to achieve the statements we are feeding to them. I can't find any explanation for this that's less abstract but since many people seem to swear on it and I have a lot of free time and printer ink, I figured why not, right?

It was convenient that I had this small corkboard from Daiso already stuck to one corner of my bedroom wall with several layers of double-sided tape. It used to be a year-long calendar of birthdays but I realized that I've never referred to it and often have to rely on either Facebook reminders or stock knowledge--there is no in between. All I had to do was to look at my list of goals, and compile photos that correspond to each of them, cut them up and arrange them in an aesthetically pleasing manner. You'll see below that I lacked the stereotypical luxury car and beachfront mansion with a walk-in closet and that's because I decided to focus on my goals for the next five years so it looks even a little bit more achievable.

Here's the finished product, along with explanations for each picture, to make this how-to more personal and to also hold myself accountable.

Make my girl Jenna Rink and everybody at Poise proud by writing for a magazine | I had listed a specific one at the time, and if you follow me on Twitter and Instagram, you already know what it is and how this endeavor turned out - but on this blog, I'll shroud it in a little cloud of mystery for now and talk about it more in a future post. I'm very happy producing content for this space of mine and have no intention of stopping any time soon. But at the same time I know that I'd be missing out if I didn't take the chance to be part of a community that leads me to like-minded individuals, allows me to grow even more in my craft, and "gives creators a space to speak their minds and push the limits of their artistry, without imposing any restrictions or expectations", as I stated in my application form.

Be active in three organizations next school year | (I had to blur one of them out because I'm not a member yet and I don't want to jinx it.) I know it's bold of me to assume that we'll be returning to school any time soon, but if we are ever lucky enough, I want to outdo myself when it comes to the orgs I'm a part of. I have been a good follower throughout my first two years of college but now I believe it's my time to try my hand at leading a group of people and being more involved in the conceptualization and execution of projects.

Go on a trip to Europe | Not even just a specific group of countries anymore (I used to be a France, Italy, Spain supremacist)--I mean the entire continent! (But then again, with its rich history and culture, picturesque tourist spots, diverse cuisines... even the sheer adrenaline rush that comes with being in a land completely different from the one you come from, how could anyone not want to go?

and 12. Get the job of my dreams | I actually nicked these photos from the website of a cooperative I want to work for once I graduate from college. I know that I can't plan out the rest of my career trajectory as early as now: things are bound to change at some point, but I hope that I stay in a field that combines creativity and business strategy to craft campaigns, create meaningful content, and market solutions to brands.

Expand my network | I acknowledge how knowing people who know people who know people can open windows of opportunities that I wouldn't have been able to have anywhere else. But I also look forward to building genuine connections with people from all sorts of industries. Talking to the same circle of friends can sometimes feel like you're trapped in an echo chamber: there is certainly much to learn from others' viewpoints.

Volunteer to teach kids | I don't think the written word could have changed my life as much as it did, had it not been for the presence of English teachers who believed in the power of the language to shape the minds of the youth. I guess this is just me trying to give back and help the next generation express their ideas and bring them to life by channeling my inner John Keating.

Maintain a clean workspace that is conducive to productivity | Especially during these days, I spend a solid 18 out of 24 hours sat at my desk, trying my best to make magic happen. It's very important that I keep it a constant and active source of inspiration, free from any distractions, and at the right level of comfort. Although it's not as minimalist as I hoped it would be and my table is about an inch too high for my liking, I'm still pretty satisfied!

Document memories consistently, be it through a physical or online journal | Speaking of clearing out my room, I recently found around 20 notebooks I had filled up over the years. Though maintaining them must have been such a hassle especially as I got older and reading through them was a distraction from completing the task at hand, I am thankful I painstakingly chronicled everything going on in my life and kept them in good condition. Seeing the goals I had set for myself all those years ago and how I achieved most of them without making a conscious effort has inspired me to do my older self a favor by putting in the work now so she can reap the rewards. (While I'm on this note, can anyone recommend a good app for journaling? I keep all my current entries in my Mac's Notes app because even though I am more of an analog person, I seemed to have lost the patience and persistence required to keep a physical journal. But at the same time, I'm scared of my laptop suddenly cr*shing and wiping out everything I had stored)

Stay focused on my work always | I didn't know how to show this without having to spell it out in words so I Photoshopped my face onto the head of a woman working in a cafe because those who study in coffee shops along Katip always look like they're getting stuff done.

Keep learning about the world even when I'm outside of the classroom | And this is not limited to frequenting the nearby museum, although that does sound like a great idea right now. This could also mean attending seminars, workshops, and talks, buying books and binge-watching documentaries or YouTube videos about a topic that I find interesting, engaging in discourse with someone (plus points if they have a different viewpoint!)

Write my own book | Before I even found out that humans were destined to pick a career and work until they died, I already knew that I wanted to spend my days as a writer. Specifically, I wanted to see my name on the cover of a book: By Angel Martinez. (Please refer to the 4:32 of this video and look at how far this dream actually goes back.) But once I realized that I wanted to enter the world of business, I thought I would have to give this up altogether. Thankfully, I now know that one's ability to get published is not reliant on their career--I mean, even beauty gurus get book deals these days. I'm not really sure what it's going to be about but I'd honestly be down for anything: even if it's just a compilation of my best entries on this blog.

13. Go all out when I take myself on self-care dates | I'm talking about picnics at the beach, with a basket full of fruits, a posh looking hat, and a good piece of classic literature! Or fancy dinners for one complete with as many glasses of red wine as I can down! People watching at Downtown Disneyland like my paternal grandmother in hand, with a plastic bag of souvenirs on one hand and a cream cheese pretzel on the other! (The possibilities are endless and I'm already mapping most of them out.)

14. Be financially stable enough to re-enact that one scene in Pretty Woman where Vivian Ward struts down the streets of Beverly Hills in a chic white dress and black hat, an endless number of shopping bags in tow | The part where I humiliate a sales lady who snubbed me the day before because she didn't think I could afford what she was selling by saying, "You work on commission, right? That's right. Big mistake, big, huge." is entirely optional.

I also included some two inspirational sayings that were originally laptop wallpapers from The Everygirl. I feel like they perfectly sum up the attitude I want to have as I forge my own path and accomplish everything I have set out for myself. If I was somehow able to convince you that this activity serves as the perfect springboard for all your dreams and aspirations, here are a couple of tips that could hopefully help you make yours!

Be ready for some intense introspection | Though it may look like a simple arts and crafts activity at the surface, making an effective vision board simply cannot be achieved if you're not willing to do some much needed reflection and watch it balloon into a full-on existential crisis. Identify which areas of your life are most important to you and how you would like to see them evolve over a period of time.

Specificity is key | The trick is to make your goals as concrete as possible, then translate them into visual elements. I know some people who wanted to get into particular universities, who have Photoshopped their names onto acceptance letters and pinned those to their corkboards. As stupid as that may sound in retrospect, I reckon it's an elaborate way of claiming something that's right within your reach.

Design it any way you want | Don't feel pressured to make it look like it's worthy to be on someone else's Pinterest because that's exactly how you lose sight of why you're doing it in the first place. The only person your final output has to resonate with is you.

Don't get discouraged | Although a vision board can attract positive energy and manifest your intentions to the universe, one thing it isn't capable of doing is granting your wishes in an instant. Don't be upset if what you have cut out and stuck on has yet to happen: I truly believe in the saying that the more you look for something, the more it seems to avoid you. Instead, continue to work hard and focus on the progress that you have already made.

Have you made a vision board of your own already? How has it turned out, and how many of the things you had put up have come true? I know you may be a complete stranger from the other side of the world but I'd be happy to hear from you anyway! Wishing you love and light always, especially during trying times such as this. Wash your hands, pray for our frontliners, and check your privilege!

#recs #personal #quarantingz #angeltriestoblog #vision board #goal setting

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c0ntemplations · 5 years

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We were just friends. Until we became just friends - the type with quotation marks around them. Everyone saw it coming, even I wasn’t surprised when he took me to a secluded area during lunch break and officially asked me to be his ‘girlfriend’. Because that’s what you did back then in high school. It was April 4th. He was wearing a dark blue shirt, it was drenched in sweat, like the beads of perspiration on his forehead before he finally worked up the courage to tell me his feelings. It was awkward and clumsy. I thought it was cute. That was 8 years ago. And it’s like we had lead parallel lives ever since. I went to college in the East coast, he in the West. I had 2 boyfriends after we broke up while he had a string of flings and no one he ever committed to. I’d panic about every little thing while he’d rarely let his emotions get the better of him. Now, we’re on opposite ends of the world, with 12 hours between us and god knows how many miles. We had always kept in contact throughout the years, some months more than others. Sometimes texting would be replaced with phone calls and phone calls with video calls. Sometimes it’d be weeks, maybe months until we had a meaningful conversation beyond the casual Instagram ‘like’ or Facebook ‘tag’. By the time I had graduated and got an offer in Singapore, he told me he had just accepted a job in New York. But despite the fact that we had differing views and values on so many aspects, this was one of the few areas we had always aligned on. I had dreams and plans and places to be and so did he. We were both just starting out in our careers and if they took us to difference places then that was that. So there I was, a fresh grad, alone in a country I had virtually no contacts in all for the pursuit of my dream job. And he’d just moved into his new apartment in a city he had always complained about, vowing that the Californian coastline was so much better than the grind of the Big Apple. And I don’t know what it was. If it was the fact that we had started a new chapter of our lives, that we both needed to adjust to a new place, new people, that lead us to retreat back into each other more than usual, both craving that sense of stability and familiarity. Instead of a random notification on my phone at 4am, I’d start to expect messages from him about his coworkers and how he hated transiting in Grand Central during rush hour. And in turn, I’d stop communicating to him through generic Snapchats that I’d send to 5 other people in my contacts list and start typing to him about that doughnut store I came across and how it was nothing compared to the ones back in New York. Our conversations had morphed slowly but surely and with more frequency. And it felt familiar. Like we had been there before. Because we had. The feelings that I had felt for him back in high school started to manifest themselves again. Only this time, they looked different, felt different, took on more weight, more maturity. Naturally, I panicked. Feelings, though a dominant and perpetual thorn in my side, did not dictate how I made what I considered to be big life decisions. So when I went back to New York a year after I had left for a holiday, I was determined to suppress my newfound feelings, to swipe them under the bed like I did with most things that didn’t fit in my room. And when I stayed in his apartment and we ordered take-out for a quiet Saturday night in, I pretended that it wasn’t such a big deal, that there was surely someone else out there who I’d want to share such a mundane moment with. And when we met for dinner on Tuesday after he had wrapped up at work, I’d stop myself from imagining what it’d be like if we were just two people who lived in the same place at the same time with nothing but a train ride downtown away from each other. That night, as I left to the airport, I felt a sense of crippling dread, almost a finality that we’d not see each other again until someone made the effort to fly across the ocean. While it wasn’t the end of the world, it reminded me exactly why I did not want to engage in long-distance relationships ever again - I had been in one before and all they resulted in were frustrations between a glass screen. And even though we were no where near venturing into relationship territory, the feelings I tried so hard to suppressed were bubbling underneath the surface; and if there’s one thing worse than a long-distance relationship, it was an unrequited relationship. In retrospect, I’d argue with my past self that I had already, unknowingly, involved myself into the masochist of all relationships: a long-distance, unrequited one. Once I had returned to Singapore, our online friendship grew closer, despite the physical distance between us. I’d start to expect more from him as the months passed. More phone calls. More updates. Just more. It was a pattern I had observed time and time again, both from close friends and from my own past relationships. Because it’s true what they say, expectations always lead to disappointment. I had subconsciously expected him to behave like we were together and he in turn had inadvertently stepped into the role of neglectful boyfriend by default. I was slipping rapidly downhill into an obsessive, anxious place I tried often to steer clear of. But like a parasite, my feelings fed off of each other. It didn’t help that we had gotten into an argument, the silent kind where one small miscommunication led into a standoff between ego and pride with no one waving the white flag. By the time my birthday rolled around, I made a promise to myself to break the silence if he didn’t. And he didn’t. After 8 years of friendship, where each year he would be the first person to wish me ‘Happy Birthday!’ I was stunned, shocked and angry - because part of me, the part that knew him so well, expected it. He had always preferred the ‘give her space’ method, avoiding confrontation and anything that tasted remotely like feelings. It was then that I began crafting a message, because like most people with a letter ‘F’ in the 3rd letter of their Myers Briggs type, I expressed myself better in writing. And while the general tone of the letter was seeped in anger, it was impossible to miss the confession, the ‘I think I’m in love with you’, I had dropped in there, amidst my fevered typing. It was the first time I had admitted it to myself, let alone out loud. Much to my dismay, I was in a perfectly sober state when I wrote the letter, with no alcohol in sight; and it was in the same sober state that I decided to press send. I was drunk off of my own feelings. It wasn’t so much the confession part that scared me into numbness once I realized what I had done. It was knowing that I had selfishly sentenced both of us into a new realm, one that we definitely had not been to before. He replied to the message shortly after. It wasn’t what you’d call an appropriate response, but for him, it was the best he could do given putting pen to paper wasn’t his communication method of choice. Yet, even if writing was his strong suit, I doubt it would have made much of a difference. At the core of it all I knew he hadn’t properly given his feelings the attention they needed. Whatever he felt for me, it didn’t fit into his life. Not now, maybe not ever. And so, like me, he probably did what I did with things that didn’t belong – swipe them under the bed. Now, we’re months down the road after the ‘I love you’ bomb, or as I think of it: the elephant in the room. We’ve managed to slip back to a familiar cycle of texting and phone calls. Some months more than others. Sometimes texting would be replaced with phone calls and phone calls with video calls. Sometimes it’d be weeks, maybe months until we have meaningful conversations beyond the casual Instagram ‘like’ or Facebook ‘tag’. The only indication that the elephant is still very much in the room is not from the things we’ve talked about, but the things we’ve independently and consciously decided not to talk about. This time around, he doesn’t tell me about the latest person he swiped right on or just how wild his weekends get or the cute girl in his building. And this time, I don’t ask. We’re navigating this new territory of friendship, one where certain things are not up for discussion anymore. One where we need to fill in the blanks ourselves because that’s better than the alternative. One where distance is… good. This time around, we are friends. At least, we’re trying to be.

modern love.

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jbuffyangel · 6 years

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The Weekly Rundown (10/07/18-10/13/18)

Sorry so late! I’m getting caught up on articles. Almost there :) Time to rundown what I’m watching, loving, hating and everything in between! Spoilers ahead!

God Friended Me (”The Good Samaritan”)

Confession time: I didn’t pay very close attention to this week’s episode, but Miles and Cara continue to be adorable. Pretty sure I ship it.

Manifest (”Turbulence”)

I’m not really feeling the chemistry between Josh Dallas and Athena Karkanis. However, the chemistry between Melissa Roxburgh and JR Ramirez is smoldering.

Josh Dallas is my blue eye baby who makes me feel all the things. He conveyed so many emotions without saying a word in the scene where Ben and Grace discussed the man in her life. WOW!

I want to believe Grace is in love with Ben and not Danny (because it's Josh Dallas and that's all the reason she needs), but I'm not buying it... yet

The whole twins being different ages is a never ending mind bender.

Seriously though what did Ben do for a living?

The Gifted (“coMplications”)

All I want is for Marcos to hold Dawn forever and snuggle with Lorna. Why can’t I have the things that I want?

But seriously though these Marcos and baby scenes are killing me.

Marcos fighting the Frost sister’s mind control was amazing. He was ready to tear everything apart to get his Lorna and his baby. SO HOT.

Andy, buddy what are you doing? Sure, they gave you a better hair cut and cool clothes, but Reeva is crazy. Tell me you know that boy!

I’m having trouble understanding why Reed didn’t want to tell his wife and daughter his powers were coming back. He has two mutant children! They tried to equate Lauren’s fear of “coming out” to Reed’s but it’s just not the same. He was her parent and he hunted mutants. She legitimately feared her father’s rejection. Reed isn’t in the same situation at all and I see no reason to for him to be lying to everyone for months.

Kate hugs Reed once he tells her the truth, which is nice, but were we really expecting her to reject him? Did the writers forget they have two mutant children?

The Gifted blew past all the build up to Clarice and John’s relationship and now they’ve sewn the seeds for the break up - in the third episode. This whole “Clarice is a spy for the Erg and lies to John about it” storyline is only going one place. John is doing his fair share of lying and pushing Clarice away. Needless to say I am unhappy with how this relationship is being handled.

F.B.I. (“Green Birds” and “Prey”)

Finally got caught up on F.B.I. I thought “Prey” was a much stronger episode than “Green Birds.”

I am so glad they cast Sela Ward! I love her. Her character is much more likable as Maggie and Omar’s boss.

I’m here for Omar doing hot things because Omar is hot. I feel warm every time he talks about his military experience.

Still a little iffy about this show, but I’ll stick with it for now.

This Is Us (Katie Girls)

The depth of my hate for Jack's father knows no bounds.

"Or you can stay and I'll kill him." Honestly, I was okay with that option too Jack.

Randall is a mess watching his brother's movie and I stan this bromance so hard.

I am really freaking glad Randall is taking Kate on because I AM SO MAD AT HER.

Well that conversation swerved quickly. Stay on point Randall.

Okay well now we're off on a whole other thing and Kate is crying. Good grief children.

Not sure how Randall & Kate's discussion became a fight about adoption. The point was to discuss Kate's insensitivity regarding her remark about being the only person able to pass on Jack's genes. How did she turn it into Randall's insensitivity about her miscarriage?

Beth, Miguel and Toby having a group text to discuss their messed up in laws is AMAZING.

Randall is terrible at apologizing but also WHY IS HE APOLOGIZING?

I'm trying to hang with my girl Kate here. I've had a miscarriage and it's devastating, but your personal pain is not an excuse to be hurtful to others. Understanding where Randall was coming from was not a long bridge to cross.

I am so relating to Kevin putting the pieces together regarding Jack's service.

Beth got fired? NOOOOOO. My Beth!

Toby's reaction to Randall showing up was gold.

KATE AND JACK ARE DREAM SEQUENCING AND I AM NOT OKAY. Btw Jack could you advise Kate to stop being such a jackass to Randall? Thanks bro.

Awkward Rebecca and Jack is the worst. You are soul mates kids. Get it together.

Jack wants to marry you Rebecca and have lots and lots of babies. You are his dream.

I hope Randall and Beth have 9 months of savings. Suze Orman says you need 9 months of savings.

Marriage is never 50/50. But I think Beth and Randall have been going 90/10 for awhile and it's time for that ratio to shift.

I love how the writers find commonality in their characters in ways you never thought of before. Randall and Toby sharing their struggles with depression and anxiety was such a beautiful way to bond these characters

Kate wanted to marry Mark Paul Gosselar. Same girl.

"You came across the country to say you are sorry. That's the most Dad move ever." HELLO KATE. NICE TO SEE YOU AGAIN. You could have added that he didn't need to apologize and you are the one who is sorry but I don't want to editorialize too much. Carry on.)

Rebecca pulled a Jack Pearson on Jack Pearson. EPIC.

Marry you the man who does dishes.

A Million Little Things (”Save The Date”)

HOLY. FREAKING. CRAP. THEY. ALL. FOUND. OUT. That was fast y’all! Wow!

If we’re blowing past the big affair secret does that mean we’ll find out the reason John killed himself? It’s an annoying mystery. Cough up the answers, show.

All the awards to Grace Park. She’s been sadly under utilized on this show until now and boy did she come out swinging. The scenes where she confronts Eddie and Delilah were amazing.

I cheered when Grace slapped Eddie. I have no sympathy for him. He’s cheating because his wife is gone at work all the time? It’s called a mortgage jackass. Guitar lessons aren’t going to get it done.

It irritates me when people act like they have no choice in who they sleep with. Eddie is walking around like falling in love with Delilah was an accident. Listen pal you are a grown ass man. You made choices. Own it. Cheating is such a mean thing to do. Nobody is forcing anyone to stay in these marriages. Get a divorce before you go hopping into bed with someone else.

I’m only slightly less angry with Delilah but that’s only because her husband jumped off a building. Her scene where she screams to friends to ask if she was the reason John killed himself was gutting. Guit is a bitch.

By the way, even if Jon made his peace with the affair it doesn’t make the affair okay. Also, nobody asked for Katherine’s opinon. Pretty sure she’d tell everyone where to stick if if they’d did though.

I feel like Gary is representing the audience in this episode, i.e. me. I don’t think the writers needed to muddy the water with Gary’s issues with marriage, his parents divorce and his birthday. I understand Jon and Delilah were his shining example of marriage bliss, but we didn’t need to make this about his childhood trauma. His anger was warranted by itself. Delilah and Eddie did an awful thing.

We need to move it along with Maggie’s storyline. She’s the friends-with-benefit-rando-friend-everyone-just-met-but-pretend-like-they’ve-known-her-since-always. Her impermanence in all of these people’s lives makes the level she’s included in things... odd. Let’s get the cancer out in the open and solidify her relationships - particularly with Gary.

Blindspot (“Hella Duplicitous”)

Jane's hair is long. That's how ya know she's evil again

Seriously how do they not know Remi is back? She's so cranky. Jane is much more cheerful. Also, I feel like her voice is three octaves lower.

Remi can fight with samurai swords. Who knew? A list of all of her skills would be great.

Do I call her Remi or Jane y'all? I'm going with Remi for now.

Remi's impression of Jane being worried about Kurt was pretty spot on. Well played evil one.

Anyone else enjoying Remi looking all murdery every time anyone mentions Roman is dead? Same girl. Except I'm sad Luke Mitchell isn't on the show anymore not murdery because that'd be weird.

Jane's dying except she's Remi so like that's a double dose of suck.

Oh score. Cure. This is like Elena being vampire. They'll fix it. I ain't worried. Imma gonna get Jeller babies. Or should I say PLEEEEEEEEEASE give me Jeller babies.

OH MY GOD SHE'S HALLUCINATING ROMAN. Luke Mitchell IS BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am so here for Roman being the crazy voice in Jane/Remi's head.

Sorry Remi. Your super evil terrorist group is canceled. Sorry not sorry girl. Watch Season 1-Season 3 and catch up girl.

Two Sandstorm operatives is more like a club than a terrorist group, but okay Remi. Gotta start somewhere I guess.

It's weird that the cure is re-erasing Remi's memories but also let's re-erase Remi's memories. I ain't a fan.

Damn. Blake is dead? That... was unexpected. Okay so now I'm imagining that Blake and Roman are happy in heaven together. Leave me to my dream.

Kurt is scared... I love you my cupcake.

Wiping her memory and meeting Kurt Weller was the best thing that ever happened to Remi because she's not nice and Jane is awesome. Kudos to Blindspot for reinforcing their central love story while also wreaking absolute havoc on it.

Is Zapata evil now? Is everybody evil now?

Weitz is director. Ugh.

"You can't keep watching me all the time." Girl, he does that when you are totally healthy. Kurt Weller giving Jane fuzzy bunny stares is the show. Seriously, someone show Remi S1-S3.

Haha. She squeezed Kurt too hard to hurt him. What a bitch. Also awesome.

Zapata's smile when she sees Reade on TV. Girl go home.

Rich and Patterson are gonna cure Jane using Santa magic and it's gonna be friggin awesome.

Reciting the wedding video is creepy Remi.

Noooo.... don't break out Mama Shepherd. She be crazier than you Remi and at this point that's saying A LOT.

#manifest #this is us #a million little things #FBI #god friended me #the gifted #blindspot #the weekly rundown review #weekly rundown reviews

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asuma-kousuke-pics · 6 years

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Ramblings about Kousuke

Okay so I’m a little hesitant to do this, since it actually goes into some pretty personal stuff of mine but... I really can’t hold back an outpouring of love for Kousuke if I tried so... Here goes. (Please note: I do mention some of my own personal mental health stuff here so, if anyone isn’t comfortable with that, please feel free to skip this post. I promise we’ll be back to our regularly scheduled Kousuke pictures and videos very soon, especially as I have content from yesterday’s stream). Also forgive my flowery way of talking. I’m a writer at my core, and sometimes that really, really shows.

2015 was, as some already know, the year of the very first Engeki Haikyu!! And the start of a certain someone's career on stage.

At this point I hadn't even heard of Haikyu (though, perhaps I had vaguely spotted the manga on our bookshelves at work, but it was a section I rarely paid much attention to), let alone any of the characters and certainly none of actors playing them on stage.

Within the space of two years however, things would change very rapidly and, eventually lead me in that oddly destined way that life seems to unfold for me, to that one certain actor, Asuma Kousuke.

Fast forward just a little, to early 2016. After a difficult year previously (and some of my lowest lows yet), I was finally on good tracks again. I was in a good place. And apparently, I was ready to embrace a brand-new obsession.

Anime and manga.

I hadn't intended to fall quite so face first, but I guess we all know what that's like.

I remember, very distinctly seeing a video pop up on my timeline on twitter. Pretty sure most people have seen it. That one where all the members of Engeki Haikyu come up to the camera, in character and say a few things and generally play around. Yeah, that one. I saw that and, though I didn’t even really know Haikyu very well yet, I knew vaguely enough to know where they were from. And I got /that/ feeling. I often talk about fate and destiny and for the most part I probably sound pretty silly, but my instincts are usually right. I remember thinking, ‘… one of you is going to end up being very important. I don’t know which one, and I don’t know in what way. But one of you. Definitely.’

That was the very first time I saw Kousuke. And at that point, I had no idea how right that thought of mine would end up being. Especially since at that point I didn’t even know the name Oikawa Tohru, let alone knowing Asuma Kousuke. But… The wheels were in motion, even then.

By the end of 2016 I’d fully gotten into Haikyu. I was still wavering on my favourite character at that point, but leaning more and more towards Nishinoya (who in the end has stuck as my favourite, not that I think many people know that!), but the series itself in general had utterly won my heart. Yet, still, apart from the brief glimpses of images and clips I still knew very little about the stage play. Occasionally I’d see a gif or picture and marvel at how perfect everyone looked and how well they captured the characters but mostly I was just interested in the anime.

Then Kuroko no Basuke happened. And… That series would need a whole piece of writing for itself... For reasons I won’t go into here. But this is when I saw images of the Kuroko no Basuke stage play. And this is where I caught my first sight of the person who was due to really set everything in motion. Kuroba Mario. Instantly blown away by how incredibly perfectly Mario depicted my golden boy Kise. I started looking into the stage and realised the production wasn’t far enough in to feature Akashi yet. For now, I still looked at the stage plays as something else that went on, but I didn’t really get involved in.

But it was only a couple of months before this would all change.

In that wonderfully complicated way that life likes to move in, I ended up making friends with someone who was a big fan of Mario. And, since they were a fan of both Kise and Oikawa, I ended seeing a little more of Kousuke too.

And then, quite suddenly I found myself looking more and more into Mario, and realising that actually, yes, I did adore him quite a lot. I also presented Kousuke to my dearest Mei, knowing that Oikawa is her favourite from Haikyu (well… Him and Hinata. So obviously once we got going Kenta would become pretty prominent, but we had a little way to go before that yet.)

Yep. The truth that I think Mei thinks I forget. I did originally present Kousuke to her as ‘her boy’. But me being the natural researcher and ever one to keep digging once I get interested in something, it didn’t take long before I was coming back like ‘uhhh…… so….?? Share?’ I’m lucky that she is much, much better at sharing than I am.

Within days both Mario and Kousuke were popping up everywhere I could possibly talk about them. My phone slowly filling up with images and gifs. First of them as Kise and Oikawa, and then slowly branching into other roles, and then of them themselves. Mario had charmed me completely. But I hadn’t quite realised how much impact Kousuke was having until about two weeks in. Incidentally it was my birthday that I decided I’d finally go tracking down the boys social media pages. It was still Mario I followed first on both Instagram and twitter, but Kousuke was immediately after that. What I hadn’t counted on was a sudden relapse of something I hadn’t had to think of for a while.

That bad year I mentioned in 2015? That was when my anxiety and OCD was at it’s peak. That was the year I let things get so bad, but that I was finally able to recognise that I needed help and, thankful to say, I got it. It was tough, but it was worth it to get the other side of it. I’d been free from those kinds of thinking, for the most part ever since I’d gotten into anime and manga. The odd spike thanks to Attack on Titan (…. Worst series to be into when you have anxiety disorder + a favourite character right?), but mostly I’d been good. Maybe focusing on anime characters was easier than focusing on real people. I guess it was.

It was while I was quite happily scrolling through Kousuke’s twitter account (mostly with the help of google translate, my Japanese was extremely limited at that point), that it happened.

It’s hard to explain, as I guess most things are when it comes to matters dealing with how a mind works, but I remember that cold feeling creeping up on me. An old kind of fear that I’d used to live with constantly. And with it, the cogs in my brain working overdrive. A panic, realising this was a resurgence of something that had trapped me so long. My brain terrified of something, and it hurriedly trying to come up with ways to prevent it. I can’t speak more specifically because, even if at the time my brain thought it had something specific to fear, it usually is more abstract than that. Awful timing to happen on my birthday, huh? But. This time, I had the tools to deal with it. And, while it was scary, I was able to breathe and calm down and not let these intrusive thoughts take over. Within a couple of hours I was smiling, and kinda laughing a little. In a way it was my brain’s way of telling me THIS BOY!! VERY IMPORTANT!! MUST PROTECT!! So. I guessed there was no point denying how very much Kousuke had taken over my world by then. So I accepted it, with ever gaining relish.

Now I often and quite happily declare Kousuke to be one of the very best things to have happened to me. One of my most prized possessions is my copy of his photobook, which my dearest Mei bought me for Christmas. It’s precious to me for many reasons. But mostly because it’s one item I can constantly count on to help manage my anxiety. It’s partly the distraction of focusing on something else, partly Kousuke’s smiling face and partly… Just that particular warm feeling I get from Kousuke. If things seem difficult to deal with, or I notice a spike in my anxiety, by the time I’ve made my way through Pop Step Jump I’m a little calmer. And feeling a little bit stronger.

Kousuke makes me so happy, and I recognise and am so grateful for everything he does for his fans. I’m proud to be part of his fanbase, even if I can’t properly communicate with all of them (I promise, I’m learning as fast as I can!) Kousuke has one of the nicest, warmest and sweetest fanbases I’ve ever had the pleasure of knowing. You guys are so lovely. And I can’t thank you enough for how unendingly sweet you are to Kousuke. As someone who’s been in too many fanbases that like to tear their own idols to pieces, this is the most heart-warming place to be. My learning of Japanese has picked up at least tenfold since I started following him. From my stubbornness at still watching videos and interviews without subtitles, and of course Kousuke’s many live streams, I’ve found my understanding growing, even if it’s not exactly perfect. I’ve become bolder in my replies to Kousuke on twitter at including Japanese as well as English. I like to think he sees my improvement over time. From someone who could just about type ‘おはよう’ and ‘おやすみ’ to some basic sentences, I also like to think any mistakes I do make will make him smile as he sees me trying my best.

I won’t say my anxiety never picks up again. I especially get concerned about missing live streams to the point I think I’ve accidentally made myself ill on occasion. This may sound selfish of me, but this is my inferiority complex at work, and the fear of not doing enough. Please be assured, the standards I set for myself are in no way standards I place on anyone else. I only EVER expect these things from myself, no one else. In fact, I’ll probably think you better than me no matter what. I always want to do as much as humanly possible for Kousuke. That’s probably the only way my anxiety manifests with Kousuke, which, if you’d known me in years past, is actually pretty impressive.

It’s hard to sum up when I’ve already said so much, and yet so much still feels unsaid. I hope I’ve gotten across at least some of the love and adoration I have for Kousuke. Of how he came into my life, and made it better. How he’s made me stronger and happier in many ways. And how I hope to keep on supporting him, the best ways I know how to. I truly, truly hope I get to thank him in person one day (even if there’s no way I could possibly convey it all, but that’s okay).

大好き遊馬くん, ありがとうございます。

And thank you anyone who took the time to read this. ♥ Back to your regularly scheduled posts very soon! - Aka.

#personal #writing #asuma Kousuke

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septic-dr-schneep · 6 years

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MP Fanfiction - A Day of Remembrance

Summary: Five years ago today, the Author was born. These days, the Host has learned not to expect a proper celebration, but that tingle of hope in his chest simply refuses to be suppressed...

Sometimes the Host wasn’t sure why he bothered to count this as the day he was born. It was the Author’s birthday, not the Host’s. The Host wasn’t born. He was manifested out of the Author’s power in a moment of desperation; he was a completely different man. Unfortunately, his inner Author didn’t seem to understand that. As soon as he woke, he felt that instinctive stir of emotion that told him today was special, something to be celebrated. He did his best to stifle it, since it would only lead to disappointment, but it kept perking up as he slipped out of bed and shrugged on his coat.

It was an ordinary day, he decided, and that was absolutely fi—

As he placed his hand on the doorframe, the Host stiffened, ducking his head against the approaching vision. His Foresight was kinder than usual, softer, spilling over him like warm water, and that made the pictures clearer and cleaner for him to make out. He opened his mouth to narrate, but the words caught in his throat as soon as he realized what he was Seeing:

Dr. Iplier was rushing back and forth from the cabinets in his lab to Bim, waiting at the door with open arms to receive the packs of balloons.

“How many packages did you buy, doc?”

“…Fifteen. You think that’s too much?”

“Of course not! You can never have enough balloons!”

Wilford was eagerly leaning over Bing’s shoulder, urging, “Put more glitter, would ya? It’s not colorful enough! It’s gotta be blinding!”

“You think he’ll actually get to see it, dude?” Bing questioned even as he acquiesced and reached for the jar of glitter, dumping the glittering green onto the front of the card.

“Wilford knows what’s best,” the older Ego chuckled knowingly. “I’ll make sure it gets into the right hands, don’t you worry!”

Smoke and frosting. “Oh, gee, I think I burnt the cake…” Silver Shepherd agonized as he waved the smoke away from the oven.

“You kiddin’, Shepherd? We had a perfectly good store-bought one over here!” Ed exclaimed as he threw open the refrigerator to show off the evidence. “I got seventy-five percent off on it an’ everything and you try makin’ one of your own? Those mitts of yours aren’t made for baking!”

“W-Well, my cupcakes turned out okay,” Shepherd replied sheepishly. “I’ll just…start frosting those, I guess!”

As the vision faded, the Host exhaled softly, the tingle of excitement kindling into a flame of gratitude. For the first time in a long, long time, he didn’t bother to stop it as he took half a step back, smoothing down his coat and running a hand through his hair to look a little more presentable.

Of course his friends had thought of him! He should never have doubted them; as of late, they’d gotten much better about celebrating birthdays and anniversaries of their video appearances. Why should his be any different? Bittersweet relief and hope welled warmly in his chest and despite himself, he giggled.

There wasn’t any reason to let them know that his Foresight had given them away; he’d be sure to act surprised on their behalf. Schooling his features into their natural grim pose and wiping a stray trickle of blood off on the back of his hand, he slipped out into the hall, hoping to go unnoticed. Perhaps, if he was careful, he would be able to avoid them until his Foresight let him know it was time for him to be summoned and surprised. That plan wasn’t meant to be, however; as soon as he heard the Host’s footsteps, Wilford spun away from Bing and fairly launched himself at him.

“Well, if it isn’t the late sleeper!” he crowed, nearly taking him off his feet as he tackled him around the shoulders.

“The Host bids good morning to Wilford,” he replied patiently, unable to resist the smile tugging at his face. Naturally Wilford couldn’t contain himself; whenever there was a party, he tended to let his anticipation spill over the entire day, bounce madly off the walls at the celebration itself, and then crash hard at the end of the night. “He wonders if he might have his morning coffee before—”

“Ahh, forget coffee, we’re havin’ cake for breakfast!” Wilford cut him off gleefully, pushing him toward the dining room table. “And you’re just in time to pitch in and sign this card; I managed to finagle almost everyone else into signin’ it and Bing just forged the rest, but seein’ as we don’t know what your chicken scratch looks like, you gotta do it yourself. Just try not to get it bloody! Yandere already did. You put more glitter over that, right, Bing?”

Just like that, the Host’s smile faltered and the flame of gratitude lost a bit of its oxygen. That request didn’t make as much sense. He had planned on “overlooking” Bing and the card he was making, not signing it. Why would he sign it if it was for him? Unless…

Warning bells rang quietly in the back of his mind as he let the mental images return for a split second, double-checking. There was no question that they were preparing for a party and it couldn’t be for anyone else; no one shared a birthday with him. It was too early to have a Valentine’s Day party, even by Wilford’s standards. That would likely come in a couple of days.

What had he missed?

Glancing between them in confusion and unease, the Host tuned out Bing and Wilford as they shot back and forth about the glitter, trying to process what Wilford was asking him to do, and as soon as there was a lull in their banter, he interjected cautiously, “Th-The Host would like to know who he’s addressing the card to.” That was the best way to get an honest answer—perhaps a little too honest, if the way Bing scoffed was any indication.

“Well, c’mon, it’s only all over the internet, bro!” he exclaimed, half-rising from his chair and swiping a search engine screen into the air. “Right there under ‘Famous February Birthdays’, see? Wait…Oh, I guess you can’t see that, sorry. But my buddy Chase called me up and let me know that tomorrow is his creator Jack’s birthday! He’s gonna be busy tomorrow, so we’re having an early party for him! It’s gonna be totally lit!”

Within the first five minutes of leaving his room, he had already let himself hope…

Why hadn’t he Foreseen this? His visions had never been selective before, had they? Had his own feelings dictated what he Saw and how he interpreted it? They were never meant to do that. How could he have let them cloud his judgment? Stupid, foolish, ignorant…

Stomach twisting into painful knots, he fairly collapsed into the chair Wilford pushed him toward, taking the pen Bing tossed at him and, after several seconds of hesitation, pressing it hard against the paper. He could feel the excess glitter catching underneath the pen nub and he tightened his grip against it, dragging it heavily along its course.

It was nothing. It was fine.

“Uhh…you better not tear that paper, bro; it took all morning,” Bing pointed out.

As soon as the last dark t in “The Host” was crossed, he rose, knocking his chair over and not bothering to pick it back up as he brushed past Wilford, muttering acidly, “The Host will be in his room and would like to request that he not be disturbed. It’s the best gift he could receive from them today.”

He wanted to bite his tongue as soon as he made that last remark—even more so when Wilford only responded with a puzzled, “What’s that s’posed to mean?”

“The Host won’t be going to the party; he has many other ways to occupy his time. He wants Wilford to convey his best wishes to Jack.”

Slamming his door as an end note to those venomous words didn’t feel as good as the Host hoped it would; as soon as it was securely locked, he slumped against it, pressing his lips tightly together.

He shouldn’t be a victim about this. He should return to them and tell them the truth, tell them that they had overlooked his birthday and that he was disappointed, but then they would feel bad for being unprepared. They would celebrate him out of guilt and pity; knowing them, he would become a hasty add-on to Jack’s party that no one wanted. Not even he wanted that. They shouldn’t go to the trouble…but even while they laughed and joked and celebrated someone else, their knowledge that it was his birthday too would have been enough for him.

When was the last time they had celebrated it? Not since he was the Author, at least. That realization let a bitter noise escape his throat—a laugh or a sob, he didn’t know. It was no wonder they’d forgotten. The Author was no more. If anything, this should be a day of mourning him.

That was what it would be then. Even if it was forgotten by the others, he would have a day of remembrance. He remembered the Author waking up to the sweet smell of cake and smiling into his pillow before he even sat up because he knew that the others were waiting for him. He remembered the light, the sounds, the food melting in his mouth, the proud voices praising him, fondly calling him their Author, and the hands playfully ruffling his hair and patting his back. He remembered how loved the Author had felt, for the first time since he was born.

He held onto that memory now as he drifted away from the door toward his desk chair, sinking into it and putting his head in his hands. Breathing deeply, he let his Hindsight replay it on a loop, occasionally hovering over the better parts, rememorizing their details. Every time he tried to imagine a scenario with the Host in the picture, however, the memory blurred and his head started to ache.

It wasn’t meant to be for him. For him, it was an ordinary day, and if the blood flowed a little faster after this thought, no one else was there to notice.

The Host wasn’t sure how long he sat there, reminiscing on the better times, but by the time he was jostled out of his thoughts, his cheeks were wet, his throat was dry and his stomach was achingly raw. He never had gone back out for coffee and food, he realized distantly as he straightened in his chair, spinning it around when he heard a few quiet taps at the door.

He was unaffected, the Host reminded himself fiercely. He would ask if the party for Jack was enjoyable and he would make sure his voice was steady and sure when he did so.

When his flash of Sight came, he realized that the visitor wasn’t at all who he’d expected it to be, so the question never made it out. The Host took half a step back, his fingers tightening on the edge of the door as he leaned a little more of his weight against it. The King of the Squirrels fidgeted, gnawing on his peanut buttery lower lip and not quite looking the Host in the face.

“…Hello,” he ventured, bobbing a brief bow before glancing over his shoulder. “You aren’t busy, are you?”

“Whether or not the Host is busy depends on what the King needs,” he answered warily.

“I don’t need anything, thank you. I wanted—well, I don’t know if anyone else remembered, but it’s your birthday. I expect you already know that,” the King assured him, a touch of shyness coloring his voice. “Or maybe you forgot too, since you haven’t come out of your room all day. I never got the chance to give you my gifts.”

The Host barely had a chance to react before the King had squared his shoulders and was brushing aside his cloak’s folds to push a well-sized rectangular box and a large, lumpy, lopsided package into his hands. The Host fumbled with them slightly, holding them tightly against his chest as he glanced between them and their giver.

“How…or w-why…did the King remember?” he stammered gingerly.

“It wasn’t hard,” the King brushed it off simply, though the Host sensed he was doing his best to hide the sadness in his words as he continued. “The Author was my best friend and I gave him a good deal of gifts when I celebrated his birthday. You…hm. You may not be him anymore, but you deserve the same. So I wish you a kingly birthday, Host.” That said, he swept another bow, deeper and more graceful, before spinning on his heel and striding down the hall, no doubt toward the backdoor.

The Host stayed where he was for several seconds, processing what had just happened, and then he lowered his head over the box and the package, huffing lightly in disbelief. He barely registered the trip back to his chair, more focused on choosing which gift to open first. Eventually he opted for the lumpy bundle, twirling the ribbon around his fingers a few times before tugging it loose.

Into his lap spilled a thick scarf, made of real fur, if his Sight wasn’t deceiving him. That did leave him to wonder where the fur had come from; it wasn’t from the squirrels, surely! It didn’t matter; the scarf was astonishingly soft as he picked it up, automatically narrating his appreciation for it to the empty room. He couldn’t resist lightly nuzzling his cheek against it before wrapping it loosely around his neck and turning his attention to the box.

From the sound of it, the box was filled with sheaves of paper, he noted in puzzlement. As soon as his fingers brushed the top sheet, however, Hindsight struck in full force. The King and the Author. The King and his “scribe”, bent over their latest story, bickering over the edits to be made. Hands with dramatic gestures, rubbing tense shoulders, offering food after hours of work, dragging him outside into the fresh air.

“Bring your bat, Author, and I’ll pitch for you! We’ll get your blood pumping and your brain bursting with ideas again in no time!”

“Heh. What would I do without you?”

So many stories. So many characters poured onto the pages by the Author and given life through the King’s reading. He read late into the night—their fairytales. What was a King without a fairytale? What was a tale without an Author?

Surprised laughter. Needed warmth. Unlikely friendship. Unexpected care.

The Host took a shuddering breath as his Sight faded, returning him to his room and letting the nostalgia fade into a lump in the back of his throat. Swallowing around it, he returned the lid to the box and slid it to the edge of his desk. It would stay there until he was prepared to look through the memories again. It was a beautiful gift.

“I see I wasn’t the only one thinking of you today.”

Any hope that the lump in his throat would ease was promptly quelled by that voice. Again the Host spun his chair around, rising before it had even stopped its motion.

“I don’t suppose this has been a particularly happy birthday for you,” Dark mused aloud, his tone bordering dangerously on the anger he’d worked meticulously to suppress. “Seeing as only one of the others remembered it.”

Inhaling deeply, the Host took a step closer; he could feel Dark’s aura stirring, tickling his exposed skin as it twitched in agitation. He knew the anger was on his behalf, but he offered a slight smile against it.

“Thanks to the King’s gifts and Dark’s timely arrival, the Host holds out some hope that his birthday evening will be better than the day itself.”

Though he wasn’t using his Sight at the moment, he could hear Dark forcing a smile in return as he hummed in agreement. After a beat of silence, Dark cleared his throat, drawing closer and wrapping his arms snugly around the Host’s shoulders for a long series of seconds. Taken aback by the hug but unprotesting, the Host leaned into the contact until Dark was the first to withdraw. As soon as he did, the Host perked up, pulling his new scarf in closer around his neck against the unexpected chill of the evening air as he Looked around.

“Oh…Dark has taken them to their favorite walking route,” he realized with a wry laugh, shaking his head.

“I thought it was appropriate. We do come here most often when the others are otherwise occupied, and since they’re more than happy gallivanting around with the Septic Egos…”

“Dark ought to warn the Host next time before transporting him somewhere,” the Host pointed out, doing his best not to let on how grateful he was for the consideration—for any of this. “If he’d pulled away prematurely, he could have ended up in two places at once and that would be distinctly unpleasant.”

“As if you had any intention of pulling away,” Dark shot back just as easily, sliding an arm through his and pulling him into an easy stroll. “Now allow me to take you wherever you’d like to go for dinner. I suspect you haven’t eaten.”

How had he—? The Host stopped himself mid-question, ducking his head to hide a grin. Of course his friend had thought of it. He should never have doubted him.

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youryuri-x · 3 years

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₍ᐢ. ̞.ᐢ₎ ʕ•̫͡•ʔ ₍ᐢ._.ᐢ₎ ᐢ..ᐢ

Today has been up and down

Up and down up and down. It hasn't stopped. Not since morning...all i wanted was for you to have the best birthday.for you to be happy on your birthday. I wished and I manifested. And I'm so so happy to hear have had the the happy birthday you deserve.

Aw you looked so cute today...your birthday sash that was completely adorable on you and odlysuited you really well...i thought you looked so so good in it...every day I look at you.

Hehe you really did look like 'the king of the day' , or whatever it said on that sash...

I take a moment (it many) to take in your beauty. I'm always shocked at how much of an immense amount of beauty you posses...its like every day your beauty gets more and more ethereal...

You always just radiate this aura that attracts me so much...whether it's through your beauty or through anything you do...its just wow.

And today your aura was such a beautiful one. It was almost like you were glowing with the birthday fever of happiness and excitement, and as soon as you were in my presence I felt it too.

Seeing your 15 year old self for the first time was....wow.i

was feeling pretty on edge so when you came over to me as calm and as loving and cuddly as ever it made me so happy. That you stiw had time for me on your special day...it was such a huge comfort for me that you still cared about me even though it was your day...your perfect your perfect your perfect...

I said happy birthday to you and then you said it back hehe. It was rly cute and gave off the kinda clumsy almost shy vibes.... I've never seen that vibe comimg from you before...or maybe it was just me that noticed that.

But yes the highlight of my day personally was that moment.when you came over to me excited and in a lil clumsy shy tizz, and I told you happy birthday and you said it back to me. That was one of the most cute things I've ever seen you do irl...i wanna hear you do it again....

The rest of that lesson, which was English went by.

I got the plesure of being able to look at my birthday boy being happy out of the corner of my eye while trying to write something down about lady macbeth or whatever.but ngl I was definitely more focused on you.

English is that lesson of the day where I can look at your side profile for 50 minutes streight. And I love your side profile just watching you talk to someone or look at the bird or my personal favourite thing to watch is you running your hands through your hair, and from the side I get the best veiw.

I swear most of what I do in English is watch you like your something very very interesting on the TV lol.

But your side profile...its like a ethereal painting of an angel...so beautiful...and also kinds hot at the same time...

But yes you are compleatly mesmerising to watch...so interesting...i physically can't take my eyes off you.

I try and look somewhere else but my eyes wonder their gazr to look back at you. And I don't blame them. Your beautiful so beautiful. My eyes just can't miss such beauty.theh are drawn to your beauty like a moth to a flame...

Sorry if I sound creepy...i probably am..its just that my eyes can't stop looking at you...

You make English lessons such a treat to my eyes..and to my imagination. My current favourite fantasy is of me biting your neck like some sort of vampire lol >~<

I can't help thinking it. Ik it probably sounds weird but your neck just seems to be calling me to take a lil bite.... (sorry im weird asf)

But then the bell rang desrupting my vampire ass fantasies and snapping me back into the real world where I needed to get to physics, and biting your neck unfortunately wasn't my main concern...

Pysics...

I got to the class sat down and..wellt thought about you ngl. Just in a general way. Panicked that everyone else had got you better stuff for your birthday, and that I haddnt done enough, since I was the one with the honour of being your girlfriend.

And I mean your basically a god so it's a pretty big honor...

I between these thoughts I was doing the actual work that needed doing, and turning round to cheak the clock despite having a watch on.

Anything to see a glimpse of you, the light of my life in a dull 50 minute gray morbidity that is also known as Pysics.

The main event in physics was when you walked to the front of the class, allowing my eyes to take in your whole immage. I basically held by breath and just focused on you till I started subconsciously fiddling with my stapler again and gazing at you, basically drooling under my mask and then...

I stapled my mf finger. Your mf beautiful self made me staple my finger. It diddnt really hurt, until it started pissing out blood. I put a plaster on it and it was fine, but it shows how much of a klutz I am, and also how much of a sucker for you I also am...

Then it was breaktime. I gave you your present, and told you not to open it in front of me. Ngl it was a selfish asf thing to say...i was really self conscious...beacuse I knew everyone had got you great presents, especially after you told me that naci had made such an effort for you...

[Ngl I envy naci. She what I want to look like. Be like. I mean she has my old best friend and knows you I should stop lol. But just if your ever reading this, I've been envious of her ever since I've first saw her. Life isn't fair why can't I look like her?! I swear you'd be with her if I wasn't there...shes just wow. I wanna me her yknow lol? 🥺😩😩]

But yes I was really self conscious, and feeling in my full on jelous moody people hate mood, especially for the people who you were friends with...

It was probably down to the 3 hours of sleep I'd been getting for the last week each night, and the fact I'd been on the edge. But I feel really bad for saying that... I should have just lrt you open them...

Ngl I wish I'd have been able to see you put on a smile when you opened it. Put on the bracelet I made for you...too late now, but ig this will be a lesson to future me...

I swear allot of the time I use these blogs for getting better. Like being better to you cuz I read through my mistakes and I try to be better. That's why I'm making a note of these things lol.

Then I went with Angel beacuse I knew if I stuck around I could be a harard, being a jelous sleep deprived slightly Yandere aspie girl, I just decided to remove myself, cuz I was feeling like a big angry self concous raincloud and wanted to stay out of your way to give you the best day possible lol.

So then it was biology a lesson of looking at your extreamly attractive back profile....

And half listening to miss heart go on about the heart, ofc. All i knew was my heart circulates my blood around my body for you. Cuz your the one who makes it beat. And you make it beat fast.

I was watching you..ehehe I sound creepy. I pretty much am ngl. Sorry...i don't wanna make you uncomfy but I csnt help it.

I usually see you and fin pissing about during bio, but this time you squeezed his thigh. It made me pretty angry. That you would do this in my full view. It made me god damn angry, ngl. I mf wanted to lean over the best and squeeze your thigh, just so you'd know I'd seen. But ofc I diddnt do that. I'm too introverted. Doesn't stop me from getting angry and kinda hurt about it.

I mean im usually pretty sensitive about stuff like that. When your too close to someone when you know I'm around, watching or could see it. I try and egnore it with you and Sam. I don't like being angry and sensitive, especially not to you.

But sometimes it feels like I need to set some boundaries. Cuz you clearly dont see that there are boundaries of getting a lil too close to someone in the full view of your jelous asf possessive gf!!

Despite her not saying a word about it ever to you, trying to hint it to you, hoping you'd look back on these times and realise how they make me feel you haven't stopped. Ngl it doesn't bother me in the long term at all. I've got used to it. I got used to it with Sam pretty quick. But I always feel a lil uneasy when your too close for comfort or too flirty with someone else where I can see it even if it is just for a joke.

It makes me more uncomfortable becuase then it's like wtf are you like behind my back? If you think it's ok to do that in front of me? Everytime I think about I start crying ngl tears and all. I like to think I'm special to you and get special treatment I have no idea tho.

Your a charming guy with little boundaries. I don't expect much loyalty...i don't need loyalty I just your affection and love . Sorry for mentioning this if you ever see this pls think over what I've said.

That type of stuff really hurts me. When you do it in front of my eyes the thought thya your doing worse behind my back, even if it isn't serious, even if it's just for a joke.

I'm a sensitive little shit in reality, and I actually cried over your Instagram post becuase my insecure selfish ass was getting uncomfortable abt the video of you and naci >~<

Idk it just diddnt sit right with me that you put it on your ig where I could see. Idk if your seeing what I mean. Put yourself in my shoes about it...

But yes sorry.

Bio ended at it was lunch. I tried sitting with the group and it drained me I needed dto be be somewhere else where I could sink into the world of my mind, and the way I do that is through tumblr. Making sense and note of the things in my head.

I sat by jake. We diddnt really talk there was no need neither us us wanted a conversation I just felt comfortable cuz I knew I wasn't comoleatly alone. Jake was there so I spent lunch manifesting you a happy birthday. Obsessing over you and getting jelous. Being pulled into short depressive random states

Thinking about you. Listening to a capella ariana grande until I felt selfish enough to crawl back into people territory, to get some attention. I wasn't quite on jakes level yet I still needed some degree of people. I pushed down all my negative emotions and watched you lie on the grass for a few minutes, before you went, left me and I cried, becuase my self worth had randomly dropped, and I was thinking about the whole thing I explained earlier. I put on a smile and no one noticed. It made me feel numb. But then I saw how much fun you were having and was happy for the rest of the day, had an emotional high during French cuz I knew you were happy and that's all that mattered.

It was end of the day and time to get on the bus. One of the busses had crashed into my grandads car, the embarrasment of the family (according to my mum) and everyone was talking abt it lol.

I talked to a year 9 who knew kally and ened up giving me a hot spot so I could text you. I heard you liked what I'd got you so I ended on a possitive note.

I did two hours studding with my mum and did an orp with you. I was a lil off then tho I'm so sorry. I'm selfish. So selfish. But I gotta tell you how I feel. I can't hold it in anymore. What I've explained here is the only thing I'll shit talk you for

But yes. I' You've had the birthday you deserve. The birthday you really deserve and it makes m e feel so happy that you've got that. You've finally seen how much you matter to people. How many friends you have. How many people like and love you and I'm so glad you've seen that. Seen the amazing person you are x

. Sorry for being a whiny bitch. In a way I almost hope you see this...

But yes for one last time happy birthday my love x

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dreamculture · 6 years

Conversation

A Conversation with Cowgirl Clue 1.10.18

DREAMCULTURE: I read that you're one of five kids, where do you fit in that and growing up did any of your other family members or siblings influence your love for music or did you take that up on your own?

COWGIRLCLUE: Actually me and my siblings are so different. They're supportive of my music but they don't understand it very much so its been like my own path honestly. Like when I was a kid my older brother and I ,he's my full brother my other siblings are half, my older brother and I we’re close in age so we were wearing diapers and dancing to Madonna when we were kids but like you know, we like music we love it but our music taste is super different.

DC: So in school you'd walk around with headphones and things like you got your first job at age 13. Do you like doing things independently like this is what you're gonna do or do you sometimes rely on other people for help or influence?

CLUE: I mean if its around and inspiring, its definitely great to have a support system, if its not its also good to stay confidant in who you are and being true to yourself. Yeah when I was in high school I didn't have a lot of friends because a lot of my friends were older and graduated so I just hung out in the art class and wore my headphones, discovered new music.

DC: Growing up in Austin, who were you listening to and what kind of shows did you go to?

CLUE: Well I was going to a lot of my cousins shows cause some of my cousins were in bands. I moved around a lot but I was definitely one of the youngest or at least it seemed like one of the youngest people going to shows. Now its totally different cause everyones very young. I was probably the only sixteen or even seventeen year old at shows. I was one of the only people with x’s on my hands but now its totally different. Its super cool.

DC: Was going to shows a big part of your life or did you go to just have fun?

CLUE: I definitely went out of curiosity like whats it all about whats its like whats it like seeing something live like the sound. But there were a ton of artists at the time that I loved so much and I never got to see them live and looking back I'm like ughhh you know? Like will my dad or my mom drive me and like yes sometimes but sometimes no or not at all so it just kinda depended on the time.

DC: Did high school and college guide you into where you are with music now? I know know you started music at 18.

Clue: Well i started DJing pretty young maybe even before I was 18 I think I was maybe 17 but yeah in some ways I think it more helped my mentality maybe not so much with music but it helped me have a motivational mindset. I also took a lot of dance classes which help me now. I didn't realize at the time but it helped me branch out of my shell. In a ways it was good.

DC: You went to college in Olympia and lived in a punk house, what was that like?

Clue: It was cool. It rained a lot so thats why I'm no longer living there anymore cause that does affect your mind no matter how many people wanna tell you that it wont. Olympia is a great place and also a terrible place at the same time. Living in a punk house is cool for like what it is. The rent was cheap, I got to play my music as loud as I wanted, I got to stay up as late as I wanted, and I got to paint my walls black and white striped but at the same time it wasn't always the cleanest place.

DC: Moving onto your music now, you currently live in California. Whats it like being apart of the California music scene compared to other places you've lived and preformed?

Clue: I don't know if its the scene, well I mean yeah theres a lot of people that are very supportive in general but I think thats more of a time thing like I was saying I feel like the younger audience is more brace now than it was before when I was younger. I feel like my music has changed and so I don't know if its the atmosphere thats changed and helped but I don't know maybe its a combination of everything.

DC: When and where did you play your first show?

Clue: My first show... well I played some of my first shows in random bands. Like I would make a band and we would play a show at a friends house and then it'd be done and we'd never play again. I don't even remember who was in my different bands. But my first time DJing my friend was like “Hey do you wanna DJ my birthday party?” and I was like sure and then it just developed from there and now I'm here in Denver it's great.

DC: Where have some of your favorite places to preform been?

Clue: I honestly just like preforming it really doesn't matter as long as the sound system is good I like playing anywhere.

DC: Do you ever get stage fright or anxiety before you go on?

Clue: Yes and no, it depends on if I get to the venue and I don't have a lot of time to soundcheck thats really terrifying, its actually extremely terrifying. I mean I always get stage fright cause thats just normal.

DC: Going on to your lyrics, how do you come up with them for your songs?

Clue: My only EP that I put out was very personal and I played off a lot of metaphors but the album I'm working on now which is my first album, I want it to be more relatable so I'm thinking about more relatable scenarios and less of an intimate setting but also intimate too, and visual lyrics that are visually stimulating are always really good too.

DC: Your 2016 SXSW performance was one of the first performances I saw of you , since then you've accomplished so many cool things like your song "Jewel" was used in a Volcom trailer and you've also done things with Volcom in the past and have been doing things with them like when you took over their snapchat story, how did all these things come about?

Clue: Just really putting out content and meeting new people in music constantly. Never saying no to anything and not having a huge ego will really help you. Just art in general or anything that you wanna accomplish and thats what is helping me right now.

DC: Into your style, its unique and you have your Clue Wear. When did you decide you wanted to start making your own clothes?

Clue: Actually that manifested this past year. Its a lot of work because I hand paint jackets. I was supposed to put it out last year but i haven't yet cause I'm still working on things but its something I'm recently trying out so we'll see how it goes.

DC: I was curious where did your genie aesthetic come from?

Clue: Thats a really good question no ones asked me that before. When I was DJing I guess if I really think about it I came up the name Geniefactory because I felt like if you were some sort of entity and you're changing the space of a room it would kind be like a genie. Smoke represents music like filling the room and changing the atmosphere so thats why I went with it when I really put thought into it.

DC: I know you're into crystals, the moon, plants, things like that and of course your boots! Is there anything you're currently really into?

Clue: I really like stuffed animals they make me feel happy because they just are brainless and cute and thats what they're there to do, to make you feel better.

DC: Last but not least, you're putting out a new album in 2018, what else can we expect from Cowgirl Clue in the new year?

Clue: Shows lots of shows. The new album which I don't have a name for yet and those are pretty big things honestly maybe some music videos too who knows we'll see!

,,,Thank you Ashley for sitting down with me to talk and being the amazing artist and human being that you are!,,, ,,,Thank you to all that have read you can find Cowgirl Clue's music on Bandcamp, Spotify, and Youtube.,,, ,,,Also be sure to see Clue live on her upcoming tour supporting The Garden!,,,

#cowgirl clue #vada vada #Genie #Music Interview #Colorado #lost lake lounge

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