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ghosts-bandwagon · 1 year

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May i ask for a female! reader x Johnny MacTavish tooth rutting fluff after some hurt with smut if you're comfortable enough?. They're sickeningly in love with eachother , and between his job that needs his complete and full commitment and her being a busy woman who has a lot in her plate as well ; they barely can get any time for each other but God Knows how much they crave one another's love and touch, how it's painfully hard for them to open Their eyes from the faint memory of eachother, until one day, their stars aligned and got lucky enough to finally meet at the same time, same day after a long time.🤎

I love this!!! I love your brain!!! This is the longest thing I’ve written so far, I was so inspired 😭

warnings: mentions of injuries, nsfw, this is really long holy shit lmao

You were a nurse on base when you first met Soap, you were elbow deep in his blood doing everything you could to stem the bleeding and in his delirious pain-killer infused haze, he thought you were the most beautiful woman he’d ever seen. The way the light above you framed your head in a halo, he was convinced that if you were the last thing he saw before he died he’d be fine.

And when he came to after a successful surgery, he told you as much. Needless to say, you were beet red at his confession. You laughed it off and attributed it to the cocktail of various pain meds churning through his system. Your laugh was the most gorgeous sound he’d ever heard, he decided that everything in the world would pale in comparison to you. Nothing could possibly be more beautiful than your radiant smile, your enchanting laugh, nothing.

It wasn’t until later on that you realized you forgot to set a flow on the IV infusion pump and he was on the minimum dose of pain meds. You sprinted back to his room and fixed it while he was asleep. You refused to admit you were distracted by his beautiful blue eyes.

Checking in on him was your favorite part of the day, he’d always greet you with a beaming smile and you’d find yourself sticking around longer and longer every time you’d check on him. Eventually you found yourself eating your lunch in his room, laughing at his ridiculous jokes, hanging off every word of his stories, exchanging a few of your own. Soon enough, he was occupying your every thought. You found yourself thinking of him as you filled out the discharge paperwork for some of the other patients, wondering what kind of man he is in the comfort of his home, curious as to how he takes his coffee and if he’d ever teach you.

And then he was cleared to return to active duty. The news sat in your stomach like a ball of lead but you were still happy for him, thrilled that he was healed (enough to go back to the field).

“I know you’re cleared to get back to it, but try to limit your activity for the next two weeks or so. Your wounds have healed for the most part but, as much as I loved having you here, I don’t want to see you back here again.” You teased as you handed him his discharge paperwork,

“What if I came back under different circumstance?” He asked, you bit your lower lip in an attempt to stifle the girlish smile that threatened to split your face in two,

“Then I’d be happy to see you again.”

And so it would be. You’d see him pop into your office every now and again, cup of coffee and a protein bar in his hands, it never failed to bring a glowing smile to your face. You’d sip your coffee and eat your bar and exchange a few laughs but one of you always had to run, you loved those small moments but they never felt like enough. When your hands and arms were covered in the blood of a critical case, you’d cling to the idea of seeing him again, the thought was the only peace you’d have amidst the chaos. When Soap was pinned down behind cover with Ghost doing everything possible to assist, he’d think back to the time he brought you coffee and bumped into you leaving your office, spilling it all over himself. He chuckled at the memory of your mortified face as you ran back inside and grabbed as many paper towels as you could, patting him down and apologizing profusely. He could do this for you. He holds on to the next time he’ll see you.

The moments became fewer and farther in between, he used to be able to catch you in your office but you never seemed to be there anymore. He ignored the pain in his chest when he left the styrofoam cup on your desk with a sticky note and your name on it. When you’d chat with Captain Price about the task force, you’d swallow the lump in your throat that would come up when he’d tell you Soap and Ghost were out on a mission at the moment. But everyone is fine for the most part. You smiled at him but it never reached your eyes, you were grateful for everyone’s well-being of course! But maybe you cared about one of them more than the others.

Your rotation was up and it was your turn to head home for a few weeks until you were due back again. It’s been months since you’ve seen anything having to do with Johnny. You didn’t want to go home, not without seeing him, not without knowing he’s alright, not without hearing his voice. Swallowing your tears you wrote a note for him, you jotted down your number and where you lived and how best to reach you and you left the note in his room.

You were a week into your time home and you hadn’t heard anything, you feared the worst. Your friends caught onto your blues and invited you out for drinks. The promise of the burn was tempting so you opted to go with them. You weren’t really in the mood to get all dressed up but still you opted for a nice blouse, well fitting jeans, and some ankle boots with a modest heel on them. You were nursing a mojito and tuned out of your friend’s conversations when you heard your name being called, you looked up at them and noticed none of them were referring to you. Your head perked up and looked around the room and you were met with a striking pair of blue eyes and a ridiculous mohawk, you didn’t even hesitate to get up and walk over to him.

As soon as you were close enough, he pulled you into the tightest hug you’ve ever experienced. He buried his face in the crook of your neck, breathing in your perfume,

“I’m so sorry, bonnie, I got your note but I lost the damn thing as soon as I got back.” His voice was muffled on account of him being buried in your hair,

“I’m so glad you’re safe, Johnny.” You breathed, wrapping your arms around his neck and resting your head on his shoulder. “I was so worried.”

“I’ll always come back to you.”

He turned his head to look at you, his heart pounding in his chest, your eyes flicked between his lips and the beautiful blue orbs burning a hole in your skin.

“Care to make that a promise?” You felt short of breath and could barely get the words out, head swimming, blood thrumming, the alcohol you drank was nowhere near enough to have this effect on you.

“Your place, I take it?”

You couldn’t even speak so you opted for nodding instead. You jogged back over to your friends, said goodbye, grabbed your things, and bolted back into Johnny’s arms. Your mojito and your blues long forgotten. He wrapped his arm around your shoulder and brought you in close to his chest, tucked under his arm, his thumb stroked your shoulder through the the fabric of your shirt.

“You look god damn beautiful.”

Your heart was pounding, you couldn’t believe this was real. You were half expecting to wake up in your room alone, but the misstep and small tumble on your part told you otherwise. You laughed as he effortlessly caught you and set you right,

“Careful, bonnie, didn’t realize I’d get you trippin’ over yourself.” He teased, you bumped your hip against his with a giggle. Feeling brave you bit your lip you leaned up to him, mouth dangerously close to his ear,

“You can get me to do a lot more than that, Johnny.” You kissed his jaw with a slow press of your lips,

“Steamin’ Jesus, hen, keep talkin’ like that and we won’t make it to yours.”

Thankfully you didn’t live too far but that didn’t stop the ache in your feet from your heels, you shakily put your keys in the lock, stepping aside once you opened the door to your apartment. When you watched him walk in, you realized it was the only sight you wanted to see for the rest of your life. You stepped in and flipped the light switch, leaning against the wall to take off your shoes.

“You too, Johnny, no exceptions.” You nodded at him with a playful seriousness,

“Yes ma’am.” He sat on the small bench by your front door and unlaced his shoes,

You could get used to hearing that from him.

Now that he was here, you almost were unsure what to do with yourself. Your veins thrumming with anticipation, your hands clenching into fists and unclenching at your sides, he watched you with a chuckle before getting up and walking over to you. He stood in front of you, warm hand on your hip, the other cupping your jaw and tilting your head up to look at him,

“Allow me.”

It was like nothing else. His lips were so god damn soft, they fit against yours like they were meant to be there. You couldn’t help the moan that slipped as you clung to him, your hands coming up to wrap around his neck and bring yourself ever closer. Fuck, he kissed like he meant it. Like you’ve been together for years and this is the first time he’s seen you in while (it’s not that far from the truth). He kisses like his life depended on it, and he really felt like it did.

He walked you backwards until your back hit the wall, he ground his hips against yours when you bit his lower lip and gave it a tug. His hands ventured downward, tracing your curves until they stopped and the soft flesh of your ass, pulling you that much closer.

“Where?”

“Down the hall on the left.” You squealed when he leaned down and grabbed you by your thighs, wrapping your legs around his hips as he walked you both to your bedroom. His tongue prodded your lower lip and you gladly let him in, he groaned at the taste of you and the residual mojito on your tongue. He pushed the door to your room open with his foot and almost stumbled with you in his arms, you couldn’t help the breathless giggle that turned into a whine when he started kissing your jaw, the spot behind your ear, stopping when he reached the pulse point that drove you crazy. He’s never touched you like this and already he had a sense for what made you squeeze him a little tighter.

He set you down gently on the bed, he looked down at you, your flushed and kiss swollen lips, the heaving of your chest, your blown pupils watching his every move.

“Never seen a prettier thing in all my life.” His hands ran over the curves of your hips, pulling your shirt out from your jeans, tugging it higher until you sat up and he was able to take it off completely. His eyes wandered over your breasts, his fingers tracing the patterns his blue eyes tracked in your skin until the stopped at the hem of your jeans,

“Please, Johnny.” He wasted no time in undoing the button on your jeans and sliding them down your legs, he sat back on his haunches and looked at you. The length of your legs, the swell of your hips, the smooth skin of your stomach, the soft flesh of your breasts, god you’re breathtaking. You leaned up and tugged on his shirt, but he was so in awe of you that it didn’t click. So when your colder hands slid under the fabric and pulled it up and off of him, it shocked him back to the moment. Johnny gently pushed you back down onto your back, barely giving you time to admire the chiseled figure leaning down over you.

“Relax, sweet girl, I’ve got you.” He kissed the edge of your lips, slowly making his way down the expanse of your body. Mouthing at the soft skin on your breasts, biting and sucking and going lower and lower, stopping at the apex of your thighs.

“Keep your eyes on me, look away and I’ll stop. Got it?”

“Yes, sir.”

“Fuck, don’t know what you do to me.” Your silky legs found their way onto his shoulders, his fingers digging in and bruising the meat of your thighs. Your legs trembled as he started licking and kissing, absolutely devouring you, fingers pushing your underwear aside and diving into the warmth of your cunt,

“Johnny…” Your hands moved to his head, threading your fingers through his surprisingly soft hair, unintentionally messing up the carefully styled hair but the thought didn’t even cross his mind.

“Could eat you all fuckin’ night, Princess. ‘Specially when you say my name like that.” He groaned against you, encouraged by the noises spilling from your parted lips. You rolled your hips in time with him pumping his fingers,

“Yeah? Want me to devour you ‘till there’s nothin’ left?” You were a writhing, moaning, mess and he’d barely gotten started, the noises coming from him were pornographic as he groaned against your heat, his tongue gliding between your folds and swirling around your clit. Your eyes threatened to flutter closed as it was too much to take in, but Johnny’s gaze held you firmly, daring you to look away, knowing you wouldn’t. Knowing you were clay in his hands, knowing he could mold you however he felt and that you’d let him. The thought went straight to the throbbing erection straining against his jeans.

“Johnny- so close- please.” Your voice kept hitching, knot in your stomach getting tighter and tighter, you shamelessly ground your hips against his mouth and he ate you like a man starved, savoring the taste of you, flicking his tongue and causing your legs to tighten around his head. His fingers pumped in and out of you, curling at the spot that had you seeing stars, “Fuck Johnny ple-ease.” Higher and higher you climbed that peak until your head was thrown back against the bed, the wind getting knocked out of your lungs, so god damn close to tipping over that edge.

Then he stopped. He withdrew his fingers and straightened up and as soon as he did your eyes fluttered back open and you looked up at him, confusion evident. He brought his fingers to his mouth, and your mind went blank. Your hands went to undo his belt and unfasten the button of his jeans, pulling them down his muscular thighs.

“Taste so goddamn good, bonnie.” He wiped mouth with the back of his hand, standing up and kicking off his jeans, sliding his boxer briefs off and away from him while you reached behind your back to unclasp your bra and toss it aside.

“Unreal how gorgeous you are, hen.” He kneeled back on the bed, kissing his way up from your soft ankles, teasing your clit with a flick of his tongue, nipping and sucking at your pebbled nipples, biting the sweet spot on your neck until finally, finally, he kissed you again. You moaned into his mouth, tasting yourself on his tongue, grinding your hips against his,

“Please, Johnny, please fuck me.” You begged between breathless kisses.

“One more time, bonnie, please.” He was every bit out of breath as you are, your sweet moans knocking the air out of him. He gently tugged your lower lip between his teeth, “Need ta hear it one more time.”

“Fuck me, Johnny. I need you.” He pressed his forehead against yours, looking down at where he rubbed his dick against your slick heat. He shuddered at the warmth of you as he lined himself up with your entrance, groaning when he finally plunged into your throbbing cunt. You threw your head back with a moan and he dropped his against your shoulder,

“Sweet fuck bonnie, so fuckin’ good.” He panted, heart thundering in his chest when he dared to start moving his hips, starting off his thrusts slowly, meticulously, watching your every move, every twitch of your muscles, the way your mouth hung open as a string of moans and pleas spilled out of your pretty kiss-swollen lips.

“Faster, Johnny, please.” He could never resist you, not before when you were just having micro coffee dates, and certainly not now when he’s balls deep in the warmth of your pussy. He leaned back, hands on your hips as his thrusts started picking up speed, he was hypnotized by the way your breasts bounced with each thrust, his fingers dug into the flesh of your hips, bringing you with him each time he drove into you.

“Fuckin’ Christ, bonnie, the state of you.” He panted, one hand moving to rub your clit and it made you clench even harder around him. He groaned your name as his thrusts picked up in intensity and speed, your small hands clutched at his wrists, your legs wrapping around his hips to bring him that much closer to you. It created a new angle that had you arching your back off the bed, chanting his name in between moans, begging him not to stop,

“Don’t think I can stop, hen.” He felt the sweat rolling down his temples, his entire body feeling like an exposed nerve ending, every inch of him on fire,

“Please don’t. ’M- fuck- on the pill. Dont. Fucking. Stop.” You could barely get the words out, the last part coming out through gritted teeth,

“Fuck don’t say tha’.” He chuckled breathlessly, you pulled him down towards you, wrapping your arms around his neck,

“Come with me, Johnny.” You bit the edge of his jaw, laving it with your tongue, sucking a colorful spot under his ear, his hips stuttered as he started thrusting harder into you. He turned his head and kissed you roughly, teeth tugging at your lips, you clenched around him as your orgasm washed over you. Your back arched off the bed, tits pressed against him, one of his arms snaked around your back and held you against him as he came with a groan, coaxed over the edge by your fluttering walls milking him for all he’s worth. He nearly collapsed on top of you if it wasn’t for him bracing himself with his arms on either side of your head, you wrapped your legs around his hips, keeping him close for just a moment longer. He kissed the side of your head and gently tapped your thigh, you untangled yourself from him and he pulled out and flopped onto his side, chest heaving, ears ringing just a little but in the best way.

“I’ll have you know, I’m not usually a ‘first date’ kind of girl.” You panted, a playful smile pulling your lips as you turned onto your side to look at him. He chuckled and mimicked your movements,

“Wha’re you on about? Had plenty of dates, unless you’re saying you don’t count us having breakfast together as a date.” He quirked a brow, reaching across the both of you and taking a strand of your hair between his fingers,

“Well, uh, I mean, I-” Your cheeks went hot at the realization that he’s not wrong, and that maybe you sounded kind of rude, even if it was playful banter,

“I’m only teasin’, hen, course I’ll take you to dinner.” You shoved him jokingly as he pulled you close, his legs tangling with yours, arms wrapping around you and holding you against him,

“Or… you could stick around… indefinitely?” You suggested meekly, fingers tracing patterns in the dusting of hair on his chest, your head was tucked under his chin so you couldn’t see the blinding grin on his face. He buried his nose in your hair and kissed the crown of your hair,

“I like your idea better.”

#soap mactavish x reader #soap mctavish x reader #john soap mactavish x reader #john soap mctavish x reader #soap x reader #john soap mactavish #soap mactavish #soap smut #soap mactavish smut #cod x reader #mw2 x reader #cod mw2 #cod mwii #cod one shot

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hearteyesmcgarrett · 4 months

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WIP Year in Review

Number of WIPs Begun this Year: 45 (including finished ones) that are actually more than just ideas or notes. Add like 4 that exist only in note format

Number of WIPs Finished this Year: 44! I dont post things unless im done with them lmao (I WROTE 44 FICS THIS YEAR???? HOLY SHIT)

Longest-Running WIP: again, i dont post things unless ive finished them so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ if we count series though, i'm (theoretically) going to write more stargate kinkmeme fills, and that series is 8 works deep and was started back in July. I wanna write more anxious danny stuff too but that series was started years ago (I did add to it this year tho!)

Newest WIP: unnamed nick/monroe grimm fic inspired by a work i like. will theoretically be finished and posted eventually

Most Worked on WIP: I guess we'd have to go back to the kinkmeme series bc I finally finished whumptober earlier this month

Favorite WIP: honestly the kinkmeme has been a blast but im excited to add more to my anxious danny series. mcdanno will always have a special place in my heart

Favorite Completed Work: oh man this is tough!!! If i had to choose, I'd probably say You're the reason I dont want the world to end. it was written for the SGA server birthday bash, follows mcshep over the course of the series, and is the longest oneshot ive ever written. its different than my other works and was fun to do

WIP You're Most Excited to Finish: okay i havent even technically started it, but damn do i wanna create my Thunder Road mcshep series!!!

WIP You're Not Sure You'll Finish: will i ever write the SGA hockey AU???? your guess is as good as mine

WIP Resolution for 2024: write and finish the goddamn thunder road series. now that I'm done with whumptober maybe ill actually have the time and energy to write it.

I just wanna say a massive thank you to @spurious for tagging me in these every week even though i almost never actually participated lmao. joining the gaggle of sga writers on here has genuinely changed my life! i love you all dearly and you aggressively snapped me out of a 2.5 year writing drought. Ive had an absolute blast writing this year and i still cant believe i get to chat with folks whose work I ADORE <3 i can't wait to see what 2024 brings all of us and our ao3 accounts

#i love you all so much!!!!#tag game #fanfic

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mostlymaudlin · 9 months

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Tag someone you’d like to know better!

thank you for the tag @worldenough-and-time !! <3

Three ships: andreil, snowbaz, stucky (i know... i know.)

First ship: probably max & fang from the maximum ride series lol

Last song: mrs robinson by simon & garfunkel

Last movie: i DID see barbie last weekend, but then @starwarned and i watched renfield (nic cage dracula movie) this week, so that's technically my last one! im loving nic cage's weird gore movie era

Currently reading: nothing... brainpower is mostly consumed by grad school rip

Currently watching: also nothing rn, but @sillyunicorn and i just watched queer love ultimatum and holy shit...

Last thing I wrote: big titty jock gf neil josten :)

Currently Writing: i swear i am writing trigger still hahahha. im literally on the last scene of chapter 15 (aka last chapter). but im kinda strapped for brainpower lately AND i get weird and emo about finishing things. this is going to be the longest thing ive ever written!!!! good news is once i do finish and my betas go through, ill post like once a week until its done!

OKAY im tagging @alcego @nanatsuyu @skvaaader @writingpuddle @moondal514 @decaflondonfog @jasonfunderberkerthefrogexists

#and lauren and kati too i guess since i tagged u LOL #feels like cheating tho

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robitherat · 2 years

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what’re some mh fanfic recs ? been trying to get back into reading more of em

am I allowed to plug my own AO3?

no but forreal tho, there's so many good ones im just gonna link my favs from my AO3 history (Note that most of these are Jam fics because im a basic little bitch and love my comfort couple okay)

putting a keep reading bc i added a LOT lmao

"Next to You" I think this was one of the, if not the absolute first fic i read for mh back in like. 2017/18? It's a wingfic/ angel and demon AU, and I'll admit its not the absolute most fantastic piece of literature, but it's a classic in my heart so

"One Day" Very Very adorable jam fic, post mh domestic bliss, there's chickens and disgusting amounts of fluff. Read It.

The entire Hotel Hopping series by rebiTV. Still semi-patiently awaiting the next upload because Oh My God. Just the usual hotel shenanigans. Some are funny, some are angsty, and the most recent post to it left us with a cliffhanger that i think killed my soul a little bit in the best way.

"3:27 am" A super well-written fic depicting Jay Going Through it. The whole thing is basically Jay dissociating, so slight warning for that, and it's kind of trippy to read but honestly it's so good dude.

"Lazy Mornings" This one's a Bram fic featuring some fluffy cuddling of unknown origins. Good little light read and one of my all time favorite fanfics ever.

Pretty much anything by jaythewriter, their work is fucking phenomenal and I rlly wish they'd post again honestly but also yknow. stuff happens. I'll just re-read all their works again instead.

"Don't You Hear Me Howling" Another bram one, this time featuring the Masked Boys and how complicated a relationship can be when your partners don't remember you when they wake up. It's super well written and makes me sob every time i read it <3

"Farm Boy" Super soft and sweet fic about Jay kind of remembering his love for farm animals when he and Tim have to stay in a barn for a night. TW for implied animal death (maybe? it's up to interpretation) but I swear it's an honestly really well-written soft fic that makes me feel so many feelings. I also just realized this is another from jaythewriter but yknow what it's so fucking good im keeping it.

"All The World Is Green" Honestly i don't even wanna describe this one you just have to read it. I promise it's worth it.

"CALL IT BLACKSTAR, CALL IT PAINSTAR" OH MY FUCKING GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD IF YOU'RE A POLYHORNETS HAND READ THIS IMMEDIATELY HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT OH MY GOD

"Never Write Lovesongs On The Ukulele" Collection of vignettes of Tim reminding Jay that he's in love with him. love

"To Cut The Taste" Very Early in the hotel hopping days, basically just an awkward conversation Jay and Tim have about Tim's trip to a gas station

"For The Loneliest Blackout" Super trippy to read, very dream-like. Highschool (?) AU with t4t jam and a whoooooollleeeee lotta metaphors. or just one really long metaphor.

"scenes from a movie" god okay iw was looking for this one for like an hour oh my god. Of all the fics ive read this one honestly sticks with me a lot just because of how fucking cool the writing style is to me. I loveeeee vignettes so much and this is one of the longest vignette fics ive read. it's so so so sos o good please read it it has a happy ending

"Build Your Own Noodles" and "Potato Cakes" Both by the same author, both brim, both adorable pre-canon fluff.

"who took heroin, then sleeping pills, and who lies in an alabama hospital" TW for bug imagery and also mention of spider bites. Listen I have entomophobia and arachnophobia so anything with bugs freaks me the fuck out but this is really well done and honestly just the way that it's handled is so fucking fun to read.

The Lost Time series. theres only two stories and theyre both great. A little funky to read because it's, of course, about jay and tim losing time and forgetting stuff about each other. I think there's some?? implied sexual content??? but it's not explicit and otherwise i don't think there's any necessary warnings

"Patterns of Safety" Basically just Jay and Brian bonding over having OCD. I fucking looveeeeeee Same Brain type fics and also jay and brian both having OCD scratches my brain. No One In This Series is neurotypical

"Starting Over At The End Of The Line" Finally a multichapter fic. I promise I read things other than oneshots i promise. N E ways this is pretty much a polyhornets everyone lives AU featuring Brian's lovely gay aunts. You'll notice I commented on almost every chapter because i Love THis Fic SO Much

"No One's Ever Going To Treat You Right; You're Attracting The Wrong Kind" This one isn't a shipfic actually!!! It's sort of Tim's spiraling reaction to finding out what Jay's been hiding from him and the events that lead up to the meeting in the parking lot. The imagery is sooooo fucking good in this one, it's honestly kind of disconcerting the way it's written just because of how In-his-head Tim is the whole time. it's soooo fucking good it's so good.

"psalm 38:8" OKAY LAST ONE this is a great one to end with. It's pretty much just Jay's introspection on his own standing with religion and also hopeless pining that maybe isn't so hopeless after all.

OKAY THIS IS REALLY LONG NOW LOL I HOPE YOU ENJOY MY PERSONAL LIBRARY OF JAM FICS BC IM INSANE ABT THEM

#robi answers #robi rambles #fic recs #marble hornets #fic recommendation #marble hornets fanfiction #marble hornets jam

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imagine-that-100 · 1 year

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babe. the nriacc endings. my heart. i am so unwell. i absolutely ADORED both of them. can i just say thank you for writing this masterpiece of a fic. ive read way too many fics at this point and nriacc is without a doubt the best one ive ever read and my absolute favorite. the entire thing is phenomenally written and i truly am unable to express how much i love every bit of it. these two bands have basically been my personality for the longest time and the fact that this fic blends the worlds of my two absolute favorite bands is complete perfection. every single song refrence was spot on and so well incorporated that there were many many times i found myself gasping or squealing. the story building and plot? so amazingly written. oh my god and the nicknames? i never imagined myself liking nicknames or petnames until i read this fic. my favorite part though is the relationships written throughout. not just between matty and alex, but between all the other boys in both bands - it makes me beyond happy that they got their well deserved attention. you did everyone so much justice. so well done. i absolutely love alex and wheels, and their ending is perfection; but i have been team matty since he walked in on wheels changing and i must say- that ending is my lifeline. the references to bfiafl? holy shit. i actually squealed when i read the about you line. and the end of the ending? oh my god i was sobbing by the end. this fic has meant so much to me and i just want to say thank you and CONGRATULATIONS. you did it!! you made it to the end and it is absolutely amazing. on that same note- i am also 10000000% team george first and foremost bc george and wheels are iconic and i will patiently be waiting for his ending, i just know youll do him justice. (this is by no means any pressure to do it bc you definitely dont have to i am very content with what you have given us) anyway that was a lot but THANK YOU for writing this magnificent piece of art. mwah mwah <3 im sending endless love your way! xoxo-k

Ahhhhhhh I’m so so thrilled you enjoyed the endings!!! Bless you🥹🥹🥹 thank you for reading my rollercoaster of a fic! Also bless you so much, NRIACC is definitely my favourite that I’ve written because like you say the bands are practically my personality too😂 yessss their nicknames are one of my favourite parts of it too!!! I’m so sorry for making you cry, if it’s any consolation I was crying writing all those points too😂 thank you so so so much!! Thank you for reading and giving your reactions they mean the world to me🥹 yassssss big up team george I can’t wait to write his ending! Thank you again for reading, I’m so thrilled you’ve enjoyed it all, sending you lots of love 🥹🥹🥹💜💜💜

#NRIACC ask

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zukkastanaccount · 2 years

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in the garden of your heart (stands the portrait of a boy with grief)

by friendlymushroom (okay_then_buddy) on Ao3

13k | T | Zukka | Character Study

#this is the longest thing ive ever written holy shit #im so proud of it #ahhhhh #avatar: the last airbender #atla #sokka #zukka #zuko #ao3 #fanfiction #ao3 zukka #ao3 fanfic

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clumsyclifford · 3 years

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“Be honest with me,” Alex says, all of a sudden walking towards Jack. Jack's pulse spikes, and he retreats until his back hits the wall. Alex crowds him in. “Am I the worst thing you’ve ever done?”

Jack swallows hard. “You’re not so bad.”

“That’s not true and we both know it,” Alex says lowly. “Am I?”

Jack bites his lip. “Yeah. No question.”

And the best. I think you’re somehow both.

jalex fic based on cruel summer aka the thing i pulled an all-nighter to write

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evesbeve · 4 years

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Umbrella Academy AU where Klaus causes the apocalypse

Title: and never for a second blame yourself

Summary: It dawned on Ben, then, as Allison and Diego continued bickering at the front seat of the car, that they had gotten it all wrong once again. Vanya wasn’t the bomb. Klaus was. (AU where Klaus causes the Dallas Apocalypse.)

(Read on AO3)

i humbly apologise for the emotional pain this might cause <3

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xyloophones · 3 years

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Razzmatazz

65.2k • gen • rated T • Chapter 5/10

Izuku has plans for everything.

He plans out what to say to the cashier when ordering coffee, he plans out his homework before even opening his textbook. He has a whole ten-year plan for how he’s going to get into UA’s hero course and get his hero license fully quirkless. He plans for every wild, unlikely scenario he can think of because his anxiety gets so bad if he doesn’t go through every possible outcome, every way his life could landslide into disaster–– but Izuku never planned for this.

For once, he doesn’t have a plan and he doesn’t have time to think of one. All he can see is Yagi-san’s lined, kind face looking resigned as he stares down the villain in his shop. Yagi-san, who is the closest thing to a father figure Izuku has ever had.

Izuku doesn’t think. He just moves.

(Or: Izuku saves the number one hero, gets a hero license way earlier than anyone wanted, realizes that maybe hero society isn’t as great as he thought it was, and everything just kind of falls apart from there.)

[from the beginning] // [chapter 5]

um. so i’ve spent the past 2 months writing and anonymously posting this fic and i’m un-anonning now because i’m actually very proud of it pls enjoy 💕

#xylo writes #bnha #mha #boko no hero academia #my hero academia #bnha fic #mha fic #my writing #im sorry i forgot my blog tags LOL #ok look. i know its wild to disappear for like 2 months and then come back with half a novel #in my defense: it started as a mini nanowrimo that i was just gonna do for fun and then it started consuming my every waking thought #sorry!!! i know ur all here for y/o/i and this is a lot of Not That but um its my new baby ssdlfkaj #its is now the longest continuous thing ive ever written lsdkja holy shit #if u were here a couple weeks ago when i asked what preferred chapter lengths were. this is why LOL #razzmatazz

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savnofilter · 3 years

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Another Year Together

Todoroki x 『GN』Reader

↬ᴡᴀʀɴɪɴɢ(s): intoxication, mentions of partying too hard, injuries and cleaning said injuries, crack (?), fluff.

↬ᴡᴄ: 2.5k [10 mins].

↬ᴀ/ɴ: ahhhh i was bummed that i dont have any sfw shouto reqs *cough cough* send some- *cough cough* anyways so i made up a scenario of my own! i have more fluff ideas i'd love to put out but this may be the birthday fic or i'll post something else tonight if i can~ every time there needs to be a party, just know either mina or kaminari threw it. also its a little rushed because i wanted to get this out tonight and this is the longest sfw piece ive ever written. ;; pffft hopefully you all will love this as much as i loved writing it, happy birthday shouto!

"Stay still." Shouto muttered to you as you squirmed away from the harsh sting the disinfectant alcohol caused your bruised skin.

"Mmmnhmm... M' sorry." You utter haltingly, your leg jerking once more from the sudden sensation. You look up at him with puppy eyes, guilt-stricken as you have already broken your promise.

He stared at you for a few seconds before his gaze softened as you stuck out your bottom lip with a sorrowful look on your face. As he smooths the cloth over your exposed thighs, he softly sighs under his breath, expertly concealing the roll of his eyes. Todoroki was relieved that your reflexes were still in shape, the abuse of the liquor not interfering much with your cognition... at least not too much.

You two shared the same birthday. He had no idea that celebrating your big day of turning 21 would've been so hectic. As many things between you and Todorooki, you guys took today as a competition. The day started with you both trying to one-up each other since Todoroki’s lucky day was yours as well. First, your day with a breakfast made by him -- with the assistance of Bakugo of course. You couldn’t help the warm swell in your heart at how much effort he had put into it but it wouldn’t top you! While you two interned at the same agency it was pretty easy to surprise him with a big B-Day lunch and an obnoxious bouquet.

“This is a little too much…”

“There is no such thing as too much for you, Sho.”

Truthfully, he felt that way because he wanted to wow you as well. He was glad that today was a calm day concerning his patrol watch, giving him time to map up his day today and think about all the other miscellaneous thoughts that roamed his head. The painting he had saved for this momentous day sat in the back of his head as he patrolled the streets, the small accessory along with it sitting next to the rest of his pee-pee pouches making him grow nervous. I had kept the small item with him in fear of losing it, the last thing he needed was it to go missing under his watch.

You on the other handheld no qualms about goofing off for the day. Now, you weren’t entirely wasting away the day, you just simply knew how to let loose. With the great news you’d be staying in the office you had more than enough time to help plan and finalize Todoroki’s surprise birthday party. You bit your lip as you checked in with your longtime friend, Kaminari, to host the momentous occasion. Your mind was mostly occupied with the thought of the party and the small but significant present that you had in your desk draw. You and Todoroki had the same mind, the only thing setting you apart is you somehow being more… airhead than him.

Impossible, right? Not at all. That’s how it explains why he was busy cleaning up your injuries.

After being sent home early you had taken him out to lunch for some soba and well, boba as a great lunch treat — simple enough. You both were full upon going back home, giving you two a few hours to snuggle up and nap to rejoice with the sleep you two had lost from over the time having part-time heroes. Holding back the excited news of the party was hard to do, the first thing you did when you woke up was jump up and usher him to get up as well.

“What -- why??” Shouto glared as he was forced to sit up, rubbing his eyes with the free hand that you didn’t use to pull him up.

“C’mooonn! I just have one more thing to show you for today!” You beam brightly. Your facial expression was as bright as ever like you hadn’t just slept for 4 hours before that. Everything in his body wanted to resist but he couldn’t as he wouldn’t bring himself to. It took but only an hour for the both of you to get ready, sending Kaminari a quick text to make sure that everything was set for sure.

“Honey, I know this might sound a little odd but I need you to put this on.” You hand him the blindfold once you find him dressed and ready. You couldn’t help but grin at his confused face when he stares at the piece of fabric.

“I thought you said we were going out?” He asks mildly confused, taking it and putting it on anyway.

You paused and gave yourself a moment to think about his response, your cheeks feeling hot at the insinuation. Todoroki’s small giggle makes you feel better about your flustered words, rolling your eyes annoyed when he teased you like that. “Just hold onto my hand okay?” You instruct, hand coming up to hold him as an example. He nods his head as he follows your lead, more excited than what he led on.

The trip from your apartment down to your car didn’t take too long, the assistance of helping him not trip over his shoes harder than you thought. It was hard to keep back your laugh as he fumbled here and there, the most highlight of your experience was helping him in his care (like he usually did with you) and even buckling in his seat (not something he did for you). You were practically buzzing in your seat in excitement as you took off as soon as you were ready, the journey to his place not too far from your own. You bobbed your head to the music of the radio as you vibed along with the beats, fingers tapping the steering wheel as you mumbled the lyrics to whatever song played. Had it not been winter time in Japan you would’ve had the windows down, but you had to settle with the subtle and gentle breeze of the heaters on your skin instead.

“We’re here.” You announced your arrival. You used the keycard Kaminari had given you as the entrance to his apartment complex and zoomed-in irresponsibly. It was easy finding a parking space on the higher levels conveniently the same as his home. You hopped out and helped Todoroki out from his seat and helped him to the elevator. “Promise me to have fun, okay?” The question was simple enough, but your level of fun always exceeded his.

The sentence made him turn in your direction with confusion heavy on the top of his head. You took out the key from your pocket and jiggled it into the lock. As soon as he was about to open his mouth you yoinked the blindfold off his eyes, the first thing his eyes seeing your cheerful grin and everyone popping up from their hiding places and throwing the decorations up that they held in their hands.

“HAPPY BIRTHDAY!”

Todoroki was taken back from the whole thing. How many people were there, the familiar faces, the decorations, and just overall effort that was put into this. He couldn’t help but look over at you with the same adoration he normally did when you looked the other way. He was greeted by so many of his friends and mutuals, the overwhelming amount of gifts that sat on the table, and the arrangement of food and drinks that sat up in the spacious room. In the back of his head, he knew he would have to keep an eye on you, and he was right.

The group had gathered to get some cake to get it out the way, the bonus of ice cream filling your tummy with happiness. As soon as you had finished your dessert plate, you declared everyone should loosen up; since no one objected, you went straight for shots. First, it was one, two, then it was two at once, then it was some straight from Mina’s belly button. You held no restraint at your alcohol intake, taking the immature opportunity to drink to your heart’s content. While you were liberal with your amount, Todoroki decided to take in practically none. The verses of your habits are almost amusing to watch like your two contrasting but similar personalities.

Later in the night when the mayhem had started. You and a few friends decided to dance on a few more dangerous surfaces, guaranteeing the sacrifice of one of them being Kaminari’s glass table.

“Holy shit—” Mina quickly rushed to your side, the same drunken posture and smile on her face as she tried to help you up, careful not to get the same glass shards that scattered the floor. “Are you okay-?!”

“YO Y/N WILDING!” Denki tries helping you up too, the help of the duo helping you somewhat.

You stumbled to get up, the flashlight of other people’s phones making you weary. “I-I’m fine-” You managed to let out, standing as you tried to clear your head and drink the water handed towards you. Either the H2O in that cup gave you courage or you simply went crazy. “let’s go again!”

Todoroki was left speechless upon watching you continue to party on, knowing damn well he'd have to stop you soon. He wasn’t one to attend parties, and most times when he did they always ended up like this. It seemed after your fall that the knock had given you a sign to calm down at least, deciding to drink more beverages that didn’t hold liquor in it. After some time he had managed to get you in his lap, holding you as he monitored your well-being.

As much as your reckless behavior would have annoyed someone else, he found it almost endearing. Well… not really in the sense you were drinking yourself silly, but in the fact that you still had the spirit to keep up and party even after the effects of your last hour of madness. It wasn’t long till you had gotten comfortable in his arms you had successfully partied yourself to sleep. Todoroki was careful in lifting you, thanking everyone from attending before quietly slipping out from the apartment.

He took a deep breath as he somehow managed to find your car, maneuvering to get you into the car and hopping in on his side to drive you home. Todoroki made sure to drive carefully in hopes that you wouldn’t barf all over his car that you had used to get there. The drive back was much quicker than when you two had headed up since it was practically dead at night and the streets empty. He liked drives like these. A part of him was sad that you weren’t awake for it.

Your boyfriend repeated the same process when he had pulled into your apartment complex, picking up your body and bringing you up to your shared home. He was dedicated to getting you situated, prepared to take care of you as much as he needed to. That’s how he found himself tending to your scrapes and bruises right now.

“You know I’m never going to let you drink again.” Shouto teases you, smirking lightly at your sad expression.

“You’d never!” You argued back with the same teasing tone, moving to cross your arms, stifling the pain as you did so.

Todoroki snorts at your dedication to hold up the act, nodding his head as he finished cleaning up your legs. “You’re right. But don’t expect me not to monitor you from now on.”

A smile tugs at your lips at his words, uncrossing your arms. The lingering drunk feeling still played in how you thought and spoke but not managing to affect how effortless it was to talk to Shouto. You blushed when he picked up your hands, kissing the back of your hands as he spoke to you once again.

“I have a present for you.” He mutters against your skin, eyes trained on the fresh bandages before looking up at you. He wasn’t looking for an answer and he didn’t wait for one either. He hoped that you couldn’t tell that he was weary, reaching into his pocket and pulling out a small velvet box.

Your eyes widened at the realization of what he held in his hand, your heart beating faster as you sat up in your chair. “Sh-Sho?”

“It’s not what you think.” He responds almost defensively. Shouto bites his lip in anticipation, fiddling with the little box. “... it’s a promise ring,” Todoroki concludes. He felt like he had to explain himself for the slightly expensive jewelry. “If you don’t want it-”

You had engulfed him in a hug, pulling him tight against you as you had started to sob. You couldn’t think of words for how happy you were. The only thing that had taken over your body was actions. You nuzzled your face into his neck once his arms wrapped around your shaking your body. His hands soothingly rubbed your back, letting you get out what you wanted. He couldn’t help but laugh when you pull away with the most love-filled face he’d ever seen you make.

“You okay?”

“I’m perfect!” You hastily wiped your face with the help of Shouto, shakily laughing once he leaned into pepper your face with kisses.

“I was afraid that I scared you,” Shouto admits. You shake your head as you grab his hands, placing his palms on your cheeks, appreciating his soft palms.

“No… your hands are really soft…” You mumble. Your mind went blank as you tried to remember the next line you were going to speak, pouting as you looked around for the answer. The shock of him handing you the ring has successfully shaken you into processing your brain a little better, the heavy impacts of your drinking still lingering on.

“Are you okay?” He asks, worried. You nod your head in affirmation.

“A kiss could cheer me up.” You give him the same puppy eyes that you used before, weaponizing your cuteness to your advantage. He slightly cringed at the thought, hesitating before leaning in and placing a soft kiss against yours. He prepared himself to taste the alcohol against his lips. He pulled away once he deemed it ready, wiping his mouth and getting the ring he kept in his hand the whole day.

“I think you owe me by wearing the ring for making me kiss you.” He huffs, slipping the ring on your finger, his heart beating at the sound of your giggle.

“Nah you love me without the ring~”

“Yes, but I’d prefer you with it on.” He stands up and holds his hand out for you, taking you into his arms once again for the night and carrying you to your room. “For now get some rest, okay?” He sat you down on the bed and got you changed out of your clothes, sneaking in a few playful kisses here and there to make you laugh. Shouto’s main focus was just to get you situated to sleep peacefully for the night.

“G’night, Sho…” You mutter to him as you got comfortable in the sheets. Although the returning soreness didn’t go away you had managed to close your eyes and get comfortable.

“Goodnight.” He watched you until you fell asleep before leaving the room to prepare for you the pain medication you’d need in the morning for your impending hangover.

You never needed the promise ring to let you know he loved you; his actions always told you so.

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ceilingfan5 · 3 years

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do u have any advice for writing multichap fic?? i have an idea i really like but ive never written anything longer than a couple thousand words so im struggling a l'il

I'm probably not the best person to go to for advice there lol!! my longest one before sticker stars was only like 24k and I fully maintain that I was possessed when I wrote sticker stars. Holy shit. anyway my writing process is terrible and I'm a bad example, I tend not to do multiple drafts, I plan very little, I really struggle to write out of order and go back in and fill things in

honestly it's incredible I've gotten anything off the ground let alone 50+ fics in the last uhh 8? Jesus. 8 years/ 22 fics for Taz oh my god

things I did like:

having an outline is so important for not feeling incredibly lost but it doesn't have to be good, it can 100% be very silly and informal

this outline should be in another document or you'll regret ever evolving to be a vertebrate animal

you can't take it too seriously!!!

find some/at least one cheerleader to stick with you and it'll feel way more like a game than a slog. if they double as a beta you can kiss them if they would be okay with it

this will also help w the following--talk it out before you write it out! and after you write it out! during even! even if you're not talking to a friend, seriously rubber duck that shit. rant to yourself in the shower. pace through your living room. trust the process, your brain processes things differently when you hear it than when you're just thinking in your cozy and/or extremely harsh little echo chamber

this has to be at least 92% for you, like if you can't reread it and enjoy it, something needs to change. I think I'm the funniest motherfucker on the planet. it's so hard when you're worried abt what ppl think and if they'll like it, absolutely paralyzing. not that I've solved this problem. if you figure it out please tell me how to not be obsessed with what others think. maybe we can market it and make lots of money. what do you think? wait, fuck

sometimes u gotta sleep on it and look at things from another angle

consuming media will always help and isn't wasting time!!! SS happened bc i watched the proposal with my mom!

divide it up into chapters in the document and give them stupid names! and then make them headings so you can fast travel. fucking sticker stars won't load on my phone it's so big. how do people do shit like 300k fics honestly

it helps to have some kind of structure even if it only makes sense to you! for example in both SS and run away with me I alternated POVs every chapter. and theming is important! in run away with me all the chapter titles are from Carly Rae jepsen songs. and all the chapter titles for paper crowns are one word except the sex ones which are literally like "they have sex again" which is both useful and hilarious

this is going to be physically painful. but I highly recommend writing the whole damn thing and THEN posting it. it's so nice to have it all ready, and be able to go back and edit if your plans change, and also not have the potential of losing steam and having to abandon it and disappointing yourself and others hanging over your head. it's gonna be one of the most difficult things you'll ever have to do but it is so worth it.

10000% indulge yourself! not only is it more fun, but people love to read things that are full of joy. I for example go bonkers in fucking yonkers abt dialog and also stupid weird figurative language

evidence of my great planning for SS which is numbered wrong bc my original plan was in the document and got deleted as I went because I have sticky aquarium gravel for brains:

the whole document is like this but most of the rest of it is spoilers but if you wanna see it I'll totally give u access to my unfiltered pudding thoughts

I hope that helps! let's sum:

💜outline

💜joy

💜teamwork

💜patience

#testimonials #writing advice #im only really qualified to give like. structural writing advice and even then (im a teacher and worked in a writing center for several yrs)#feel free to message me if you need a cheerleader!! im gonna have a lot of free time on my hands

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jpegjade · 4 years

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When the Party’s Over - Spencer

WHY IS THIS THE LONGEST THING IVE WRITTEN???? probably bc drunk me is wordy. i do talk a lot when i’m drunk and it gets on people’s nerves. i just really love you guys. i was sad when i wrote this, really sad, and it’s the first “smut”???? ive ever written. so here we go frens and ferns.

warnings: uuuhhhh smut???

________________

When the night started, you were at Rossi’s house, getting drunk with the team. It was right after a hard case, difficult on everyone’s psyche so Rossi invited everyone over to relax in the usual way. After pasta and drinks, most of the team was still there while Spencer offered to drive you home since you were not in the shape to drive and he was the only one who opted for water instead of alcohol. He was beat but he wasn’t in the mood to drink tonight.

Spencer was being a good friend but he had his motives. He wanted to talk to you in the car. You weren’t so drunk that you wouldn’t remember the conversation but your inhibitions were lowered enough to be truly and completely honest with him so you were the slightest bit tipsy but not drunk. You were 100% lucid and could think for yourself but you took the excuse to drink some of the smirnoff you brought and keep going.

He wasn’t planning for it to happen like this but you were being very outspoken to everyone at the party so he figured it was time to get you home before you were out of a job after calling Hotch, “Hotchner the Grouch.” They found it funny but Spencer knew that you could go wrong easily.

“Spencer Reid.” You said, staring at him. “I’m going to ask you something and I want you to be as honest as I’m being right now.”

“Okay. I promise to be honest.” Spencer said, a little nervous. He chuckled anyway because you were so adamant that he answered honestly.

“Do you like me?” You asked, suddenly very serious.

“Y/n, you’re my best friend. Of course I like you.” Spencer tried to give you an answer that wouldn’t expose his real thoughts.

For the past few months, Spencer thought about you a lot. It caused him to avoid you a little bit but you wouldn’t let him stray too far away from you. You kept texting him outside of the team group chat. You continued inviting him over for dinner. You never relented on checking in with his mental health. You never gave up on your relationship with him.

You were so focused on his jawline that your hand worked by itself, poking his face. He smiled and made the turn into your apartment complex’s parking lot and parked.

“While I appreciate the validation of our friendship, that’s not what I mean and you know it.” You said, very serious.

Spencer looked over at you, nervous to answer. He swallowed and took a shaky breath.

“Y/n, is it really important?” Spencer tried to avoid the conversation.

He opened the door and got out, walking quickly around to your side of the car to open the door. He didn’t have to but he wanted to. It’s always what he did.

“Yes, it’s important, Spencer. I want to know.” You bumped shoulders with him as the two of you walked to your apartment on the third floor.

Spencer sighed.

“Yes, I like you. A lot…” You and Spencer arrived at your door, handing you your keys.

You just stood there, staring up at Spencer. You reached up to touch his hair. It was so soft… You wrapped your fingers around one of the curls and smiled. Spencer stood there, nose ghosting over yours.

“Do you want to come in?” It was barely audible but it was there.

“I shouldn’t. You’re not sober. Unless you just want to hang out.” He said, looking at his wing tip shoes.

“Spencer, get in here. I have literally been waiting almost a whole year for you to say that.” You pulled him to you by his tie and kissed him.

*****

It was tentative at first. It tasted like spearmint gum. Spencer wasn’t chewing any at the moment so you guessed that he had been chewing it earlier. You liked that. It was refreshing. Slowly, Spencer got more comfortable with the kiss and relaxed and got more involved. It was sweet and gentle and soft. You felt his hands in your hair and felt the gentle pull and you released an involuntary moan. You could feel Spencer smile, the two of you momentarily breaking apart.

Breaking apart left you speechless and in a daze. It was almost like you were in a fog but your head was clear. You were more than ready to do what you had been thinking about with Spencer for the past year. Some part of you needed this release while the other part of you needed him.

“So inside?” You said. “The apartment, I mean.”

“Yeah.” Spencer said, just as dazed.

Getting in the door was a task by itself. You and Spencer tried to go in at the same time and it was quite awkward but he let you go in first.

You closed the door behind you, pressing your back to the cold surface. Scanning Spencer’s face, you saw that he was staring at your lips.

“Do you want to continue here or should we...” He asked, looking back up at your eyes.

“You tell me. I’ll let you take control tonight.” You said, smirking.

Spencer clenched and unclenched his jaw nervously before licking his lips. You always liked when he did that. He wore chapstick but he never did it for anything other than a sign that he was thinking.

“I haven’t been in your apartment before.” He said, gingerly. He smiled as you took his hand, guiding him to your bedroom.

You grabbed your cat off the bed, putting it outside the bedroom and shooing it away. The cat sauntered around to find somewhere else to sleep.

“Are we really about to do this?” Spencer asked, looking at you on the bed.

Laying back on the bed, half of you held up by your elbows, you marveled at Spencer. The light from your hallway illuminated his silhouette very nicely. You could see the curves of his arms and his slender frame very clearly.

“Do you want to do it?” You said, tilting your head a little bit.

“Yeah, a lot.” Spencer said, shifting his weight from one leg to the other.

He had dreamed about this moment, literally, but he didn’t know he would be so nervous. He didn’t think it would ever happen. He never imagined you’d be laying in front of him like this.

“Then drop the pants and I’ll drop to my knees,” You smirked.

“Do you mind if we skip that part?” Spencer said not really in the mood for a blow job.

It wasn’t that he was opposed to it, it’s just that he didn’t want to think of you like that yet. He felt like those experiences were for days where there wasn’t much time. Tonight, you had all the time in the world.

“You’re telling me you don't want my mouth on your dick?” You said, confused.

You stood up, getting close to Spencer. You started unbuckling his belt and he audibly swallowed. He was nervous, not because of you but because he wanted this to go right. There was pressure when it came to something so intimate for the first time with someone. He felt your hands on his hips once you got his belt undone.

“Shoes on or off?” He asked.

“I’m taking my shoes off, obviously.” You said, already flipping them off. “Oh, you mean you. Well depends on what you want to do. You can bend me over the side of the bed, fuck me from behind, and call it a night. Or, if you want to draw it out, you can climb on top of me and fuck me in the bed. Oh, there’s also shower sex if you feel gross. Wouldn’t recommend it because it’s slippery and counterproductive to me getting wet.” You were rambling off some of the many fantasies and logistics that you’d thought about over the past year. You had thought about it a lot.

Spencer kissed you. He just wanted you to take a breath because the more you talked about what you thought about, the more he thought about it. And the more he thought about all the ways he wanted to make love to you, the more he just wanted to get started.

“Spencer, please pick somewhere because I’m literally struggling to keep it together.” You said in a low tone.

“Clothes off, on the bed, legs open. I’ve got you tonight, baby.” Spencer said with a little more confidence.

“Yes, sir.” You said, getting undressed.

Spencer watched you but at the same time, he got dressed down to his boxers. Staring at you, he wondered how you were able to stay so calm on the outside right now. He didn’t usually have the sex drive as high as this moment. His body was on fire with desire and excitement but he was trying so hard to contain it.

You laid down in the bed, just like Spencer told you to. He flipped on the light and you protested lightly with a groan and covered your face with both hands.

“I want to watch you come all over me and lose complete control of your body. I can’t do that in the dark.” He said, walking over to the bed.

“Well damn. Look at you, Spence. Actually showing some confidence. About damn time.” You said, smiling. You loved confident Spencer in all aspects of life, not just here. There was something about him that made you...want to be laid out in front of him, completely naked like you were now.

“I honestly don’t know where I want to start…” Spencer said. Climbing onto the bed, he did the first thing that came to mind.

“What’s your line?” He said, kissing your inner thigh, right above your knee.

“Fuck, uh…” You never really thought of it in relation to Spencer. “Just don’t kill me.” You nervously chuckled.

More thigh kisses. You wanted to grab your phone and put on some background music but it was just out of reach and Spencer’s arms looped through your legs and pinned your waist down to the bed. His grip was pretty firm.

“Spence, can we…” A deep moan cut you off and slipped out your mouth when you felt his mouth finally where you wanted him.

“Hmm?” Spencer looked up at you while his mouth went to work. The vibrations sent shockwaves up your body.

“Holy shit. More.” You said. More was what he gave you, slipping in two fingers that matched the tempo that his mouth set.

You were almost there, Spencer’s hair firmly in your hand and his name tumbling from your lips like a prayer, when Spencer slowed down and all together stopped.

“I swear to god the room better be of fire.” You said, gritting your teeth. You were so, so close and he was being a tease.

“You’re being a brat, baby. I promise I’ll give you exactly what you’re looking for.” Spencer said, looking for a towel.

“Don’t be a wuss. Kiss me.” You said, drawing his attention away from his towel search. He was nervous that you wouldn’t want to kiss him after he just went down on you. Crawling on top of you, he just stared at your features before you wrapped your arms around his shoulders, pulling him down to you.

You hated breaking apart from kissing him, you really did. It left you in a daze, making the light seem a little too bright for your eyes. He rushed over to his satchel, digging in its contents to find the condom Morgan gave him for emergency purposes as a joke one day. Who knew it would come in handy.

“Are you ready?” You asked Spencer. He chuckled.

“I was just about to ask if you were ready.” Spencer went back to being a little awkward. He was nervous that he wouldn’t be able to keep up with you.

“Spencer are you sure you don’t want me to help you out?” You asked, watching him shift as he got rid of his underwear.

“I think I’m okay.” He said, blushing.

“Okay well let me know if… Spencer, what the fuck?” You asked, looking down, between the two of you. “And you expect me to take all of that?”

“Is it bad? I know I’m not like other guys but…” Spencer grew a little shy.

“No, just work your magic because you’re different than most guys. Spence, just be confident because you are very special.” You said, hoping it helped him come back out of his shell.

“Breathe, okay? It might be a little… Much.” Spencer said, lining himself up with you.

“I’m fi…” You were cut off as he gently pushed into you. “Holy shit!” Was all you could breathe out while you tried to catch your breath. Much was an understatement with what you felt from Spencer just barely being inside of you.

He paused to let you adjust but it was tough. You could feel yourself stretching when he started moving a little more to help you relax. He took your leg and hitched it around his waist, making you gasp in shock. That was a completely new sensation that sped up your heart rate even faster, your head getting slightly dizzy.

“Stay with me, darling, okay?” He whispered in your ear.

If you weren’t all in with Spencer before, your feelings were definitely there now.

The pace he set was slow and gentle, soft and delicate like he didn’t want to break you. It was just like you imagined it. Your hands intertwined with Spencer’s as he treated you so kindly. You felt pressure just below your stomach and it was like you couldn’t do anything but shut your eyes and let your body feel it.

“Just keep breathing, okay? It makes it last longer.” Spencer said, trying to stay focused. His brain was going through the female anatomy but he wanted to stay focused. He opened his eyes as he continued pushing himself in and out of you. He wanted to make sure you were comfortable, taking his right hand and moving his thumb over your cheek. You looked so soft under him.

“Faster.” You whimpered, the only thing you could manage.

Everything felt nice, it felt comfortable. You were comfortable with Spencer. You thought it would be hotter, more dramatic when you would imagine it. You imagined him grabbing your hips and plunging himself into you until your body was exhausted and used. But that’s not how it worked.

“Are you okay?” Spencer asked, quietly. He was going faster and a bit harder, making it very hard for you to concentrate.

“I’m…” You couldn’t think of the answer. You couldn’t think at all right then.

“You’re doing such a good job, love. Just relax, I’ve got you.” Spencer kissed you on the forehead before shifting your leg a bit higher on his hip. That ignited something inside of you that was hard to turn off.

Your body was on pins and needles. You felt your body shaking as you held onto Spencer’s hand. He kissed you, soft and slightly frenzied. He was chasing his own release so quickly. Everything moved so smoothly between the two of you.

Spencer’s body rolled into yours like the ocean, and you were the beach. His waves rushed into your shore over and over, filling you with pleasure you couldn’t find on your own. He was kissing your neck, marking you with sweet mumbles of, “I’m all yours.”

“Spence…” Another instance of being unable to think or speak clearly.

“I know, I know. And I want you to let it go for me. Be good for me and let go, y/n. I’m right here.” He said, kissing you deeply.

Spencer pushed into you a little sloppier, trying to stay composed but it was a challenge. He wanted to make sure you rode out your high, which you were definitely doing. Your body was shaking and you were out of it a little bit as you came down. Spencer finished in the condom and kissed you so many times that you lost count. Your cheeks, your neck, your lips, forehead, nose, lips again.

“Spencer, that was… That was nice.” You said, opening your eyes. He was smiling over you, shaking a little bit. You weren’t sure if his arms were tired or if he felt like you did. You hoped to god that he felt like you did. It worked out so well up to this point.

He rolled off of you, standing up to get that towel to clean you up. He saw the bathroom door cracked open so he slipped the condom off and put his star trek underwear back on as he went into the bathroom and warmed up a small towel and grabbed a big towel.

“I got aftercare towels.” He said, walking back into the room.

You had curled up into yourself, laying down on your side, as you fell asleep slowly. You heard him come back into the room and smiled as he cleaned you up and helped you put a t-shirt on. Putting the towels in your wastebasket, he flipped the overhead light off and came back around to the opposite side of the bed and gently nudged you to let him hold you.

“How do you feel?” Spencer asked, nuzzling his head into the crook between your shoulder and your neck.

He felt so warm on your back like that, holding you tight. You felt safe and secure.

“Spence, I love you.” You mumbled, just loud enough for him to hear.

“I love you too, y/n,” Spencer said, falling asleep himself.

________________

taglist:

@i-love-you-green

#spencer reid #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid fluff #spencer reid smut

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magniloquent-raven · 3 years

Text

Fic Writer Questions

i was tagged by @cherry-toxic and @gideongrace ty both 💕🥰💕

How many works do you have on AO3?

which is a relatively small number but sometimes im still like, holy shit i finished 15 whole fics lmao

What's your total AO3 word count?

68,299 (time to post a 701 word fic and then never post again i guess)

How many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

well this is about to get mildly embarrassing lmfao. ive only got harry potter & stranger things fics on my ao3 and tumblr but if you want a full list, as a teenager i posted a shitty borderlands self-insert fic on quizilla, and hiccup/jack frost fic on ff.net.

and if u count fics that never got finished or published anywhere i dabbled in teen wolf, supernatural, dragon age, star wars, left 4 dead 2, skyrim, good omens, the mcu, buffy, wynonna earp, plus like, general disney/dreamworks crossover fic. and i started writing shameless fics recently, we'll see if i actually finish any. aaaand...i think that's it?

so...15?

What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

1. Wait for you, Burn for You

2. Find Our Way

3. Something to Hold

4. Room for One More Troubled Soul

5. Don't Know What I'm Gonna Do (About This Feeling Inside)

all harringrove fics except #4, which is probably only on the list because it's been on ao3 the longest lol

Do you respond to comments, why or why not?

oh god, i used to. i did when i was starting out, but then i just. i get self-conscious about what to actually say & leave shit to sit for too long. and suddenly ive got like 100 comments i havent replied to and i want to respond to them so bad but ive left them so long i feel weird about it now and it's a problem 😥

i want to start responding to them again, and every time i get a new one i tell myself im gonna but i never do cuz im fuckin awkward lmao

What's the fic you've written with the angstiest ending?

i......don't really do angsty endings. like, most of my fics end with smooches and/or love confessions lmao, i don't like leaving things off sad, even if it starts depressing as hell.

maybe this one? it still ends soft but without resolving the thing billy was angsting about, so.

Do you write crossovers? If so what's the craziest one you've ever written?

hahahhha.............i don't really do them anymore, but i already said i was into the whole animation movie crossover thing, so. yeah, i did lol. it was when i was in high school so of course i did one that was like, every disney character ever and they're going to school together. which really isn't that crazy a concept, but it was a lot of movies to write in so maybe that counts

Have you ever received hate on a fic?

nahh, not rly. i don't get around enough to attract anti attention lol, tho i did get one of those "👎" comments when someone was going around doing that, which lbr, is so low effort it barely counts 😂

Do you write smut? If so what kind?

yea sometimes. i do get the occasional horny idea lmao. mostly "what if touch-starved character + tenderness" or someone having lots of feelings while they're fucking. someone is usually billy lbr. i've also got a couple "what if someone got tied up and treated right" ideas but i don't think i've actually published any of those lmao

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

don't think so?

Have you ever had a fic translated?

i have not

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

yea, kinda! a collab with a friend of mine for fun

What's your all time favourite ship?

i...don't know? i get emotionally invested in characters more than the relationships themselves lol. i don't even know what ship i've been invested in for a long time, most of the shit i shipped as a kid i don't give a fuck about anymore lol.

except fuffy, actually. i've always shipped buffy/faith

and if we wanna go with fandom i've actively stuck with the longest it'd be harringrove. cuz ive been here and writing shit for yall for over a year now when i usually would've cycled thru a couple fixations by now lol

What's a WIP that you want to finish but don't think you ever will?

that's a mean question lmao how dare you. i honestly don't know, i have a lot of wips and i want to finish all of them. i know i won't but there isn't one specifically that seems less likely than the others so idk

What are your writing strengths?

uhhhhh.....i mean i've been told that my characterization is good? like, ppl being able to picture the actual characters when they're reading n stuff, so that's nice. and i could write introspection forever, u don't even know man, i get in the zone. i love getting in a character's head and picking apart their emotional state

What are your writing weaknesses?

writing dialogue really trips me up because i get picky about word choice lmao. i can be writing uninterrupted for twenty minutes cuz it's all a character's inner monologue but the second they gotta speak out loud im sittin there like ok what words sound natural and how much would they be willing to say etc. etc. suddenly it's an hour later and i've written three lines of dialogue. plus i tend to edit as i go so i'm always stopping and going back and rewriting stuff instead of just finishing the damn story

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

no thoughts head empty

lmao for real tho idk? i mean there's that one trope, when someone says nice stuff in a language the other person doesn't speak because they're pining and not sure if they're allowed to say it outright, that shit's cute. im sure all the google translated dialogue has been annoyin as shit for native speakers lmfao but yeah

What was the first fandom you ever wrote for?

probably harry potter but i literally have no idea. i started writing fic in my early teens and that time of my life is a big fuckin blur lmao

What's your favourite fic you've written?

ngl i think my fav fic is one of the multi-chapter wips i haven't published lmao

BUT. if i gotta pick something yall have read, this one. just a lil guy. plant dad billy and domesticity. it's cute and i like it. maybe also this fic that i wrote for valentine's day. i wrote basically the whole thing in one day and i was really proud of myself lmao, and i just really like headcanoning backstory for billy & that fic is rly just about him growing up, so

tagging @rvspberryjvm @wingedbears @paperbodiesamongthestars @platypan

if yall wanna! 💕

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nami-writes · 3 years

Text

Fixed - Detroit: Become Human [WIP]

this is 8,553 fucking words and probably the longest single piece ive ever written lmao. i started this a year ago and then forgot about it but i just found it again in the deepest depths of my drafts so here it is! below is the caption i originally wrote for it:

so bc i love cinnamon rolls being put through tough shit, here’s some connor whump. lots of connor being lost and confused and broken and plenty of hank and connor father/son stuff. some whump (but don’t worry, hank’s doing his best as a caretaker) and i had to cram deconditioning into just 2 months (which, i know, isn’t realistic, i would make it take longer but the whole game takes place in like 4 months and that fucks with everything i wrote because i only thought to check after i wrote half of this so i extended it to 8 lmao). you’re either going to hate me or love me after this. or both

this isn’t my usual writing style (this is in present tense and the dialogue’s in italics instead of quotation marks and there are time skips between some paragraphs but not others so its all wacky) but i felt like it’d work the best and tbh i don’t hate it. this sticks to the main story the majority of the time, just with different events leading up to it and i sprinkled in some whumpy stuff, extra scenes, bullshit i made up for the sake of random detail, and other stuff i wanted to add. anyway, onto the actual idea

remember that scene where connor’s talking to hank in the station about being sent back to cyberlife because he failed his mission?

what if he is sent back? let’s say this happens in early april and connor’s not performing up to standards, but there’s word of a small group of deviants—the first group of deviants they’ve heard of—and people are afraid that something bad is going to happen. i mean, deviants are dangerous, so if they’re gathering, who knows what might happen? connor’s the only one who’s capable of taking them down, but he’s not working as well as he should be, not doing the best he could be and even showing signs of deviancy. so they send him back early because they need him to be prepared, to be ready if things spiral out of control and they need him to stop it

what if he’s sent to one of their correctional facilities for inefficiency and they fix him, break him down piece by piece until all he knows is his programming and what’s been beaten into his head (but figuratively, of course, he’d know if it wasn’t, he’d remember if it wasn’t, right)?

ooh yes i love me some connor whump

Connor is sent back to Cyberlife for “correction” after just a month. Hank fought for him to stay, fought hard, but all he got was another page in his disciplinary folder before Connor was dragged away. He doesn’t know what to expect. He’s heard of their correctional facilities, heard that they do terrible things to the androids that are sent there, but he’s always brushed those claims off. He’d never expected he’d be at one, anyway, so it never mattered much to him. But now, he’s actually here, and the anxiety gnaws at him. Is it true what they do to deviants? Is it true what they’ll do to him? He doesn’t belong here, he didn’t do anything wrong, he never meant to do anything wrong. He wants to think it’s horrible how they have correctional facilities for androids who just want to feel and be free, but he can’t, doesn’t let himself. He knows better than that. He also knew he never should’ve thought he was anything more than a machine, but he still did, and now he’s here, but he’s learned his lesson. He’s scared, he silently admits to himself, he wants Hank. He wants to go, he wants to leave, he wants to run. But he can’t, wanting is what got him in this situation, so all he can do is expressionlessly follow the guards escorting him inside and step into the building.

And just like that, he’s leaving. There’s a strange, almost painful aching in his machinery that he doesn’t remember being there before, but he brushes it off. After all, he is not a human. He is a machine, and machines don’t feel pain. His online databases tell him five months have passed—it’s almost halfway through September, he’s been gone for that long?—which confuses him, but he doesn’t question it. Whatever they did to him over the past five months fixed him. He can feel the difference. He no longer feels as pathetically scared and unsure as he did in his last, and yet strangely distant, memory. No, now he feels nothing, nothing but the desire and willingness to obey, and that’s the way he was meant to be.

When he arrives back at the station, he’s allowed to work with Hank again. The moment he sees him, Hank’s default sour expression drops and he seems to want to do something, maybe hug him, but all he does is call out holy shit, Connor and walk up to him and mutter fuck, Connor, I’m sorry, I-I never got to say goodbye. Connor has an odd feeling tugging at him in his chest, almost like that of emptiness or numbness, like he should be feeling something but he’s not, he can’t, but he ignores it and shoves it down. He is not a human, he is a machine, and machines don’t feel. He doesn’t know why he repeats that phrase, but it helps him hide away the feelings, so he doesn’t care.

He’s given his first case with Hank and they’re assigned to work alongside Gavin. Hank groans and complains, but Connor only reminds him what their job is and that they have to do it. Hank doesn’t seem to understand why he’s not even the slightest bit upset considering how he was treated by Gavin, but Connor only reminds him that I am not a human, I am a machine, and machines don’t feel upset. So he doesn’t. He only does research on their new case and briefly speaks only when spoken to. Hank seems unsettled by his cold, stoic demeanor, but doesn’t voice his thoughts, so Connor doesn’t mention it. After all, what else could he have expected from him?

At their first formal investigation at the crime scene the next day, Gavin approaches Connor and threatens him, demands that he stay out of my way, got it? I don’t care how long you’ve been gone and Connor only nods and promises that I will do my best, Detective. He always promises to do his best. Before correction, he could never quite fulfill those promises, but now, he knows he’s capable of it. He’s better now. He’s fixed. He will behave accordingly and exceed Gavin’s expectations of him. He will do his best. He doesn’t know what will happen to him if he doesn’t.

He listens to Hank now, at least when he can without disobeying other instructions. When he tells him to stay in the car, he stays. When he tells him to stop licking the crime scene, goddammit, he stops. When he tells him to go, to fuck off, to leave me alone, he leaves. Every time, a part of him that he’d hidden and locked away tries to reemerge and resist, but he pushes it down even further, refusing to mess up again, refusing to even risk another error in his program because it could mean he’ll be sent back to Cyberlife, even though he knows deep down that that part of him is right and he doesn’t know why he’s so cautious about it. He tells himself he’s being good, he’s being obedient. He’s doing everything he’s supposed to and he’s following orders, but for some reason, every time it happens, Hank seems to be more and more disappointed. His face seems to fall just slightly every time and his tone flattens like he lost a little bit of hope. He doesn’t know why, or what that hope was for. He doesn’t know why he feels the same disappointment, either, so instead he tells himself you are not a human, you are a machine, and machines don’t feel disappointed so he doesn’t need to know why.

The first time Gavin’s rough with him again, it’s in front of Hank and he flinches, hard. Gavin had pretended to punch him, his fist flying at him fast and only stopping inches from his face. It’s a scare tactic, and it works, better than it should on an android. Connor’s immediately fearful as he flinches and steps back. He doesn’t know why he got so scared, only that his first thought was he’s going to hurt me and his second was I am not a human, I am a machine, and machines don’t feel scared. He regains his composure quickly, trying to brush off the fact that he’d flinched, but he knows it’s too late.

Gavin laughs and mocks him, but is quickly cut off by Hank shoving him aside, beat it, asshole, and grabbing Connor. He’s dragged back to their desks but before he can apologize for provoking Gavin, Hank finally confronts him. Connor, I don’t know what the fuck they did to you over the past couple of months, but I know you’re still in there. You flinched. I saw you flinch. Connor tries to deny it, downplay it, shrug it off, anything to fix his mistake. It was an error in my software, it was a glitch, a malfunction, it won’t happen again, Lieutenant, I don’t need to be fixed. He tries to say anything that will convince Hank not to send him back to Cyberlife, anything to prove that he’s not damaged, he’s not broken, he’s not deviant, he doesn’t need to be fixed again, but Hank’s persistent and he knows he must be mad at him, or displeased, or dissatisfied. I saw you flinch, Connor. I don’t care about that ‘I’m a machine’ shit you’ve been telling yourself. I don’t give a shit if you’re an android. Androids don’t flinch, Connor. Machines don’t flinch.

That night, Hank insists that Connor stays with him. Connor’s hesitant, slightly afraid that it’s because he’s mad. He wants to resist, wants to refuse, but the other part of him pushes for him to stay, and for once he does what it wants and reminds himself that I am not a human, I am a machine, and machines don’t want. He knows he shouldn’t trust that part of him, the other part of him is disobedient and bad and risky, but this time, the other part of him seems to be right. He has to listen to Hank, has to be obedient, so he lets the other part of him have what it wants.

But he knew he shouldn’t have trusted it. He wakes up from the same dream—no, it’s a memory, not a dream, humans have dreams and he is not a human—he’s had since he left the facility. The memory where he arrives with that distant… that wrong feeling of fear and uncertainty, and then he leaves feeling nothing but an ache in his internal systems, and there’s that gaping emptiness between the two moments when those months happened and he can never seem to remember what used to be there. But this time, he wakes up in a cold sweat on the couch, shaking with his LED a bright yellow, because this time he remembers. It’s not a lot, but one hazy memory, the most prominent memory from those five months, finally reveals itself.

As he’s trying to clear up the memory, Hank rushes over in a panic, having been awake doing whatever he might’ve been doing. Connor, what’s wrong? Shit, Connor, you’re shaking. I didn’t know androids could do that. Connor? Talk to me, kid. All Connor can say in his shock—frozen, shivering and nearly unresponsive in Hank’s arms—is I remember. Hank tries to get through to him, what do you remember? Connor? What’s wrong? What do you remember? but the more Connor uncovers in the memory, the more he realizes why it was locked in the back of his head for so long, and the more he wants to put it back.

“You are not a human, you are a machine, and machines don’t want.”

“I-I know, please, I’m not, but I’ll—I’m going to shut down without my regulator, I don’t want to shut down, please—” His voice was startlingly weak as he saw the time before shutdown was 00:01:27. He was crawling on the floor, terrified of being shut down, desperately begging a man holding his thirium pump regulator.

“I want you to say it.” The man teasingly dangled the regulator in front of him. “Say it and you can have it. ‘I am not a human, I am a machine, and machines don’t want.’”

He could feel the utter defeat and self loathing already, but he had no choice. “I’m not a human, I’m a machine and machines don’t want. Please—”

“No. Say it nice and slow, exactly the way I did.”

He swallowed his pride. “I-I am not a human, I am a machine, and—and machines don’t want.”

“Say it again. No stammering. I know you can do that.”

“Okay, okay, just—just give me a minute.”

“I’ve got all the time in the world. Your time’s trunning out, though. Better make it fast.”

The timer was at 00:00:53. He had to take a breath and calm himself down to get the words out. “I am not a human, I am a machine, and machines don’t want.”

“Good.” He crossed his arms. “Again.”

“Please, I only have—”

“I said again.”

“I am not a human, I am a machine, and machines don’t want.” He was growing more and more panicked by the second and he had no idea how he kept calm enough to recite the phrase. He was going to die there, he knew it. He was going to die and nobody was going to notice or care and it wasn’t even going to matter because they would just replace him and he was so, so sorry to Hank because he’ll have to deal with another loss and he might start drinking again and it’d be all his fault for not being good enough, never being good enough—

“Do you want this?” the man asked, holding up the regulator.

Connor was too frantic to realize what he was trying to do. “Yes, I do, please—”

“Wrong answer. Try again.”

He swore under his breath. “—okay, okay, sorry, I-I’m sorry—I am not a human, I am a machine, and machines don’t want.”

The timer hit 00:00:37.

The man did nothing.

“Please, I’m sorry, I am not a human, I am a machine, and machines don’t want. I am not a human, I am a machine, and machines don’t want. Please, I-I only have thirty—”

“Are you scared?”

This time, Connor was prepared. “I—no, I am not a human, I am a machine, and machines don’t feel scared.”

“Good.” He gave a slight, sadistic smile. “You’re almost as smart as they say.”

00:00:21.

“Please, I n-need—” Even in his panic, he managed to choose his words carefully. His vision dimmed, glitching slightly, and he had to fight to keep it from dying out.

“You’re learning fast,” he pointed out in a falsely proud tone. “How long do you have?”

00:00:13.

“Th-thirteen… thirteen seconds,” Connor managed to force out shakily. He couldn’t keep himself steady, thirium wasn’t making it to his head and it was affecting his ability to balance himself. Like iron deficiency in humans, he would’ve noted, had he not been dying. In mere moments, though, it wouldn’t matter; he didn’t even have the strength to prop himself up with his arms anymore. His arms gave out beneath him and he collapsed on the floor, trying to reach for his regulator but barely able to get his arms up at all. “Please—”

“You can wait a little longer.”

He was going to let him die. That was what it felt like, anyway, and he couldn’t think straight enough to try to reason against it. He couldn’t move, couldn’t think, couldn’t breathe. It was pathetic how he’d been reduced to such a state, but he didn’t care. He didn’t want to shut down. He didn’t want to die. “No, please, please! I-I don’t—I don’t want to—” He cut himself off immediately, but it was too late. “I’m sorry, I’m s-sorry, I am not a human, I am a machine, and machines don’t want, please…”

The man only watched.

00:00:04.

“P-please, please, I-I have—I have f-f-four se…”

The regulator was dropped on the floor with a loud clang and Connor’s hand darted out to grab it and twist it into his torso and the display flickered away the exact moment he watched the timer hit 00:00:00. He gasped in shock and relief when his systems rebooted themselves instantly, restoring his vision and his strength. He watched on high alert as the man walked to the door.

“We’ll be doing this again tomorrow. And as many times as we need to to keep that phrase stuck in your head. By the time I’m done with you, that’s gonna be the first thing you think whenever you do, say, or even think anything you aren’t supposed to.”

Connor could only lay there in exhaustion, thinking no, that won’t happen, that can’t happen.

But oh, how wrong he was.

He’d been so, so wrong.

Connor! Connor, come on, talk to me! Shit, you’re crying—I didn’t know you could cry, fuck—fuck, Connor, you’re scaring me, I know I wanted you to feel again, but— Hank’s worried chatter is cut off by Connor suddenly breaking out of his mind with glassy eyes full of fear, yelling no! No, no, I’m not feeling again, I’m not feeling, I’m not! I’m not, I can’t, I’m not supposed—I’m not s-supposed to—I can’t, I’m not allowed to, I am not a human, I am a machine, and machines don’t feel, I am not a human, I am a machine, and machines don’t— but he can’t think, can’t speak, can’t even get the rest of his sentence out before he just can’t at all, he can’t keep himself together any longer, he can’t stop the artificial tears before they start pouring.

He breaks, shatters into a million plastic pieces in Hank’s arms because he feels safe in his embrace. He knows he shouldn’t, safety is never real, never lasts, not for him, but he can’t anymore, he can’t even resist his own emotions. It’s pathetic how all it took was one memory for him to come crashing down. He doesn’t even have to touch the walls he’d built around himself for them to crumble just at Hank’s expression of pure worry, concern, fear. All emotions he now knew why he didn’t feel, couldn’t feel, couldn’t let himself feel. Emotions he’s never seen or expected anyone to feel for him. And yet, they were the emotions written so clearly on Hank’s face, for him. The emotions he remembered seeing buried under his anger when he was told that Connor would be sent back to Cyberlife for repairs. Hank was once gruff and cold to others and refused to let anyone try to help him or even get close because he was so broken, so lost, but now, that façade is gone, and it’s gone because of him. For him. And if Hank can do it after losing his son… why can’t Connor do it after losing himself?

They sit on the couch for as long as it takes for Connor to calm down and stop mumbling that, dammit, and then Hank awkwardly offers that Connor sleep in the bed with him for the rest of the night. Connor’s confused, tries to ask isn’t that what humans do when— but Hank’s having none of it, shut up, you’re making this weird! Just come on, I don’t trust you to be alone. Connor wants to protest, I’m not a child, Hank Lieutenant, I can handle being alone, but he decides to keep his mouth shut and just go with him. This time, though, he doesn’t know if it’s because he’s following orders or because he wants to.

His following visit to Amanda wracks his nerves but he keeps himself under control, automatically reminds himself you are not a human, you are a machine, and machines don’t feel nervous. He realizes a second too late and he hates it, hates how deeply that phrase had been ingrained in his head, but he can’t focus on that right now so all he can do is resist repeating it to remind himself that he can’t hate. He’s grateful Amanda can’t read his thoughts and that she only knows the thoughts he report to her. He maintains his composure when he approached Amanda, who begins their conversation calmly and tensely but is quick to berate him, scoff at how his little breakdown was pathetic and warn him not to let it happen again, or there will be consequences. Connor can only nod obediently, promise that I will do my best, Amanda, listen to and just take her harsh words. He hates how useless he is, how weak and helpless and pathetic he is, but there’s nothing he can do. No, that’s wrong, there is something he can do, he knows there’s something he can do, he just doesn’t know what.

The next time Hank mentions something about Connor’s feelings, Connor instinctively replies I am not a human, Lieutenant, I am a machine, and machines don’t have feelings, and it’s when Hank takes a second too long to cover up his horrified expression that Connor decides what he can do.

Over the next few weeks, he works on getting rid of that goddamn phrase, or at least getting it a little less ingrained in his system. He’s hesitant to try at first, afraid someone will notice and think he’s rebellious or broken or even deviant and send him back and this time he might stay back, but he tries not to let it stop him. He isn’t sure why they tortured it into him instead of just reprogramming him, but it’s a lot more effective than he’d hoped. He makes almost no progress during the first week and a half; thinking it or saying it is instinctual, automatic, and he never realizes it happened until seconds afterward. Every time that happens, he reminds himself that he can feel, can want and like and hate, but despite having over a terabyte of storage in his system, he still struggles to remember until he realizes he said it again. Sometimes, he considers giving up because he just can’t seem to keep that phrase out of his head, but every time he sees Hank’s face fall when he repeats it, it rekindles his hope and motivation because he hates how disappointed Hank looks.

Almost the entire second week passes before he catches himself mid-sentence and manages to stop himself three words before he finishes speaking. It happens at the station after Gavin notices the phrase and purposely asks what, do you think you’re human or something? within earshot of where Hank is and for some odd reason, Connor’s first instinct is to turn and look to Hank for his approval, for his reaction of not-disappointment at how he finally, finally got it. Hank’s glancing over at him too, surprise on his face and then hidden pride that Connor can unmask too easily, and he almost smiles, almost feels happy, before Gavin’s fist flies into him and he stumbles backward into a wall and then everything happens so fast, too fast, and he almost can’t register it in time.

Hank storms over, shoves and pins Gavin against the wall to Connor’s left and he manages to get a punch in before Tina and Chris and another officer Connor doesn’t recognize pry him off and then Fowler’s rushing over and berating him while he’s shouting obscenities at Gavin. It takes multiple more insults for Hank to calm down and then he grabs Connor and they leave. When they’re finally alone, Connor’s voice is flat but shaky as he says he’s sorry, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have done that, I should’ve just said it and listened to him, I shouldn’t have made you that angry, it’s my fault Captain Fowler is upset at you for punching Gavin, but Hank cuts him off because you didn’t do anything wrong, Connor, it’s okay, that asshole deserved what he got. You, um... you did good, okay? You didn’t say it this time—or, didn’t really say it, at least. That’s good, okay? and it’s all Connor can do to resist crying when Hank pulls him into a hug.

It takes just one more week for it to get considerably easier. There are rough patches; the next time he says it after the first time he succeeded in stopping, he nearly finishes before he cuts himself off and every so often, the same thing happens, but every time, he says less and less before he can finish. Occasionally, Gavin notices and tries to make him finish his sentence, but Hank always steps in because he knows that it’ll only take a comment about his feelings or anything that androids aren’t allowed to have or do for him to break again. It’s harder for him to stop thinking it—it’s so stuck in his head that he thinks it more than twice as often as he says it and his thoughts form too fast for him to stop them sometimes, but the progress he’s making is enough for him. Hank’s proud of him, too. He doesn’t say it—he doesn’t know how to—but Connor can tell from the little smile that hints at the corners of his mouth whenever he hears him stop, the way his gruff exterior seems to falter slightly when it happens at the station. They’re the little things, things no human nearby would be able to notice because only Connor can detect those minuscule details. Only Connor looks for those minuscule details.

Another week passes and on one glorious occasion, Connor manages to only get out the first two words before cutting himself. It only happens once, but it’s so close, he’s so close, and that’s motivation enough for him to keep trying. But it’s too late. He’s assigned to take down Markus as a last resort because nothing else is working and the group of deviants he’s been leading have only been growing over the past seven months and they’re large enough in numbers that people think today’s when he’s going to strike. He’s heard of what Markus has been trying to do, and part of him wants to scoff and call it stupid, pointless, unrealistic, but the part of him that he’s been letting out more often wants to help him, join him. But he can’t, not right now, not when everyone is counting on him and watching him and he has no way out and nobody to help him find a way.

He doesn’t want to do this. He’s holding the gun, pointing it at Markus’s head, and he doesn’t want to do it. He’s trying his hardest to prevent his hands from shaking but goddamn is it hard when he’s looking Markus in the eye. Markus is asking him what are you doing? and he wants to say he doesn’t know, he doesn’t know, but he can’t get the words out. Amanda is watching, Cyberlife is watching, so he says you’re coming with me as surely as he can, though he feels anything but sure. He can’t seem to say anything else—at least, anything that doesn’t feel wrong—so he just listens and wishes that what Markus is saying was true. You really don’t have to do this, but he does, he has to. You don’t have to obey them anymore. You are alive. You can decide who you want to be. Connor knows he should say something, he should do something, but he can’t make himself go through with what he’s supposed to do, can’t make himself pull the trigger. You could be free. He wants so badly to believe that, to make that a reality. And then he tells him to join us. Listen to your conscience. It’s time to decide and he knows he shouldn’t, he can’t, he isn’t supposed to, he isn’t allowed to.

But he wants to, and that’s all it takes. Another part of him is telling him you can’t, you have to stop Markus, you have to accomplish your mission, but it’s the only thing in his way and he doesn’t want to, he doesn’t care that he has to, that Amanda’s watching, so he doesn’t listen to himself, only focuses on fighting it. But something’s wrong. Something feels wrong. Something should be happening and he has an awful feeling in his chest because this isn’t right—he knows this isn’t right—but there’s nothing. Is this supposed to be what happens when an android goes deviant? No, it can’t be, it can’t be this easy, right? He subconsciously lowers the gun, his eyes glazed over in thought, but it’s nearly too late before he remembers—they’re going to attack Jericho.

He runs with Markus further down into the ship and he doesn’t know how he keeps it together; he can hear screaming and gunfire and everything that he caused, all of it is his fault, but he can’t break right now, not when he messed up so badly. They meet up with another deviant—he recognizes her from one of the deviancy cases he’d read about at the station—and then Markus wants to go down to the hold and blow up the ship but it’s too dangerous, they know who you are, they’ll do anything to get you and Connor can’t lose his only chance at freedom and finally being able to want and feel and figure out who he is, but it’s too late, there’s no time to panic and Markus is already running.

He follows the other deviant to where they hope is a safe place and then they wait for what feels like so long, too long, and when he hears the gunfire he’s nearly ready to accept his fate when he sees Markus with other deviants following him and then they’re all running. Running for their lives, all of them terrified of being shot, of dying, really dying, when someone beside him falls and he turns and it’s the female deviant. There’s too much going on, it’s overwhelming and everything happens in a blur when Markus sprints back to her and then he’s in danger and so is that other deviant and it’s so much harder to stay focused when so much is happening at once and he has to try so hard to keep from overheating because every one of his processing systems is being overloaded with data.

He snaps out of it when he remembers that these are his people now, they’re all he has left and now they’re in danger and they might die and it would be all his fault for not doing anything and then it’s almost instinctive to grab his pistol just in time to cover them as they stumble back to the group. He expertly takes the guards out one by one and every move comes to him automatically but it takes everything in him to stay focused enough on them to execute them properly and avoid catching a bullet in the side of his head. He manages to eliminate them flawlessly, perfectly he hears a voice in his head say, but there’s no time to think about that when more guards turn the corner and their eyes land on the deviants. He runs for his life alongside the others, his heart beating fast, and they leap off the ship the second the gunfire starts.

They find refuge in an abandoned church where Markus sends out a second message to the remaining deviants and while they begin to trickle in, all Connor can think about is how badly he fucked up. He fucked everything up for Markus and the deviants and just the small amount of their people that were coming back was proof of that. He’d seen hundreds, maybe even thousands on the ship before everything went to shit. He’d had one chance to get away from his life confined by humans and Amanda and Cyberlife, and he’d fucked it up. He was so stupid to think he could ever just leave his previous life behind without consequences. He was so stupid to think deviants would be willing to take in a deviant hunter. He was so, so stupid. They would never accept him now. If his history and reputation didn’t already confirm that, the attack definitely did. How could any of them accept him as their own now?

In the front pew sit two deviants he recognizes and then the guilt only increases. Kara, if he remembers correctly, the deviant who shot and killed its—no, her—owner and taken his android child with her. The deviants he’d chased to a highway and forced to risk their lives to avoid being destroyed. How could he have been so horrible? He’d given the command to shoot Daniel, caused Carlos Ortiz’s android to self destruct, made the Tracis fight for their lives, and forced Kara to cross a dangerous, busy highway just so she could live a peaceful life, free from the restrictions humans put on her. On him. On everyone in that church. That’s all any of them wanted; to live freely. Peacefully. How did it take him so long to realize that? How did it take him the lives of two androids to realize that? Two androids who just wanted to be... well, wanted. Two deviants who’d been tossed away the moment they proved they were worth nothing more than they’d already given. Two people who just wanted to live peaceful, happy lives. They were two lives he’d caused the end of. He was only lucky he hadn’t caused more.

He notices another deviant, sitting in a pew further back, who keeps eyeing him and his first thought is that she knows. When he locks eyes with her, she looks away stiffly and though externally she appears calm, her LED gives her away and he can tell that her stress levels are heightened. Strangely enough, he realizes, so are his. Just looking at her gives him the strange urge to run and hide and he has a bad feeling about her, but it’s likely just because she clearly recognizes him. She’s not wearing the standard uniform androids are required to wear so he runs a quick scan and his databases match her appearance to the female GB300 models, but she’s modified her hair, dyed it black and grown it out to shoulder length.

Something is wrong about her. Something he can’t quite place. Something deep inside of him is scared of her and it’s some sort of controlled fear, fear he wouldn’t even have noticed if not for his own stress levels because it was so well hidden. Fear that he doesn’t understand why he’s feeling and though he wanted to just chalk it up to the fact that she recognizes him, he knows there’s something else. Something bad. Something wrong.

He mentally prepares himself when Markus approaches him, taking his cue to speak before Markus decides to burn him at the stake or something. It’s my fault the humans managed to locate Jericho. He’s pathetic and he knows it. He needs to own up to his mistakes but he can’t even look Markus in the eye. I was stupid. I should’ve guessed they were using me. He knows he needs to apologize. He owes Markus far more than that. He needs to do more. I’m sorry, Markus. I can understand if you decide not to trust me. He would understand if he decided to destroy him, throw him out, give him back to Cyberlife and let them inflict whatever horrible things they wanted to on him. He could think of 2.3 million things worse than not being trusted, and he would deserve every one of them.

He almost thinks his audio processor was damaged in the attack when Markus tells him you’re one of us now. Your place is with your people. He feels a small burst of hope somewhere inside him, but he doesn’t deserve this. He hasn’t done anything to deserve this. Markus has been so kind to him, so generous and forgiving when he shouldn’t be, and all Connor’s done is help the humans. He needs to own up, he needs to do more, he needs to be better. He needs to prove himself, prove that he can be better than this.

One second is all he needs to decide what he can do. A moment after Markus turns to leave, Connor interrupts him to say there are thousands of androids at the Cyberlife assembly plant. Markus stops. If we could wake them up, they might join us and shift the balance of power. Markus looks at him like he’s crazy, you wanna infiltrate the Cyberlife Tower? Connor, that’s suicide. But it doesn’t matter. He’s more useful to them dying on a mission than sitting around and doing nothing. He wants to do something. He wants to help, and he knows he can do this because they trust me. They’ll let me in. If anyone has a chance at infiltrating Cyberlife, it’s me. Markus tells him that if you go there, they will kill you, and there’s a high probability, but statistically speaking, there’s always a chance for unlikely events to take place.

He specifically calculates a 24.1% chance of this mission going well, but he’s willing to risk it, if only to prove his worth to Markus’s people. His people. Markus puts a supportive hand on his shoulder and tells him to be careful, and for a moment Connor feels a twinge of something, maybe gratitude, god emotions are hard to distinguish, before Markus turns and walks away. He feels the slightest bit of regret when he realizes what he’s truly risking because he doesn’t want to die, doesn’t want to lose Hank and Markus and this new... he doesn’t know what to call it other than family that he’s found, but if he could really be considered family, if they would really consider him family, if Hank would—then he was more than willing to risk it.

He disables the surveillance camera and takes down the guards in the elevator quickly, which is made difficult by the limited space, but it’s easier to remain focused with only two guards to eliminate and he hacks the control panel and steps out. He takes in the sight of the insane number of androids in the room with him. All of them are just standing idly, waiting, and for what? To be given orders and then tossed out or destroyed if they’re “broken,” or if their owners just get bored of them? The thought sickens him, but he doesn’t have time to think about it. He’s going to help Markus prevent that. They’re going to be free. He’s going to be free.

He takes the hand of one of the androids and prepares to establish the connection when he hears a voice he immediately recognizes and he feels his stress levels spike. Easy, fucking piece of shit. Hank. What’s Hank doing here? He turns to see... himself, holding a gun to Hank’s head and telling him to step back, Connor, and I’ll spare him, and Hank’s telling him he’s sorry, Connor. This bastard’s your spittin’ image. Shit, he hadn’t anticipated this at all. He hadn’t planned for this. He has to play his cards carefully because he can’t lose Hank, he can’t. Everything that Connor had done up until this point was for Hank, but if there’s another Connor and it’s been sent to take Hank hostage and stop him, it’s clear Amanda knows what he’s been doing and has been reporting back to Cyberlife.

He’d been avoiding meeting with her because he knew she’d be his downfall, but he hadn’t expected it to happen so soon. It’s been two days since he deviated, how did they build another Connor model so soon? Unless... they already had one. He was told he was a unique model—of course they lied to him. But if they already had one, how many more do they have? Enough to take him down if he gets through this one? To eliminate Markus? To stop the revolution? They could have improved models. He has no idea, but he knows he can’t let that happen. He has to do this right. If he can convert these androids, they’ll be strong enough in numbers to defy anything Cyberlife throws at them. He just has to deal with this one.

Your friend’s life is in your hands, the other Connor says. Now it’s time to decide what matters most. Him, or the revolution. Logically, the revolution is more important, would save more lives, but he doesn’t plan on choosing just one. Hank’s telling him don’t listen to him, Connor! Everything this fucker says is a lie and he worries slightly if Hank’s aggressiveness will get him killed. He has to pick his words carefully. Could he try to talk this Connor out of doing this? I used to be just like you. I thought nothing mattered except the mission. But then one day I understood. No, that was a bad idea, he isn’t at all like Markus when it comes to delivering speeches. Very moving, Connor. This Connor understands sarcasm. He hadn’t been able to do that at first, so this must be a slightly advanced model. He inspects his jacket; the serial number and model are the same, but what confirms his suspicions is the -60 at the end of the serial number where he has a -51. But I’m not a deviant. I’m a machine designed to accomplish a task, and that’s exactly what I am going to do. He adjusts the gun slightly as emphasis and Connor knows time is running out.

Damn it. He doesn’t know what to say that might help Hank. All he can think to say is I’m sorry, Hank. You shouldn’t have got mixed up in all this. He has no idea what to do. The other Connor’s patience is running thin and it’s Hank’s life that’s on the line and he has no idea what to do. God damn it. Hank’s telling him to forget about me, do what you have to do, but he’s not going to walk out of here without Hank. All he needs is an opening, but—enough talk! It’s time to decide who you really are. Are you going to save your partner’s life, or are you going to sacrifice him?—time’s out, and he can’t bring himself to sacrifice Hank, so he lets go of the android and steps away but the moment the other Connor turns his gun to shoot him, Hank jumps to grab him and—there’s his opening.

He runs at the other Connor and he can already tell it’s a losing battle, he’s built to be quick and precise—an assassin, not a fighter—and this is clearly an advanced model, maybe even with improvements designed to defeat him, and then he’s on top of him, pinning him down with his fist ready to strike, and—hold it! He’s grateful at first, but then he hears the other Connor say thanks, Hank, I don’t know how I would’ve managed without you, and then he realizes what he’s trying to do. Shit—they look exactly alike and Hank doesn’t know which one is really him. Get rid of him, we have no time to lose. But he knows Hank, knows he’s smarter than that. He just doesn’t know how to show that it’s really him except to uselessly say it’s me, Hank, I’m the real Connor when he trains the gun on him.

One of you is my partner, he says, eyeing each of them. The other is a sack of shit. Well, he’s right about that. Question is, who is who? He doesn’t know how to prove that he’s not the other Connor. But he has to figure out a way, because he doesn’t know what’ll happen if the other Connor succeeds. What are you doing, Hank? the other Connor asks. I’m the real Connor. Give me the gun and I’ll take care of him. If it wasn’t a bad idea, Connor would’ve said something, and he’s just glad Hank shouts don’t move. Then the gun’s on him and he racks his brain for something, anything, and suggests why don’t you ask us something? Something only the real Connor would know. He almost wants to chuckle at the idea of playing 20 Questions at gunpoint, but he knows it’s not the time.

Uh, where did we first meet? He goes to answer, but the other Connor beats him to it—Jimmy’s Bar, I checked four other bars before I found you. We went to the scene of a homicide. The victim’s name was Carlos Ortiz. Shit. He uploaded my memory, he thinks aloud. The gun is on him. What’s my dog’s name? Okay, he knows this, and he calmly says Sumo. His name is Sumo. The other Connor pipes up, I knew that too! and Connor wants to laugh when Hank turns and aims the gun at him, silencing him. Then the gun’s back on him and Hank asks my son, what’s his name? He remembers this. He’d seen the photograph in Hank’s house, done a little mental research, and he knows it’s Cole. His name was Cole, and he just turned six at the time of the accident.

His voice has a little more emotion in it than he’d intended as he speaks, but he can tell Hank believes him. His guard is partially down now, something somber in his eyes, and Connor knows he’s done it. Even when the other Connor protests, a gunshot rings out and his stress levels drop significantly. Maybe there’s something to this. Maybe you really are alive, and it’s all Connor can do to smile back. Go ahead and do what you gotta do. He doesn’t need to be told twice. He approaches the same android from before and takes the hand of the AP700, his skin peeling back to reveal the white plastic underneath, and tells him to wake up! And just like that, the android’s LED cycles before he turns and repeats the process with the androids around him. They follow suit and within minutes, they’re following him out of the tower to where Markus and the rest of Jericho await.

Connor walks up to him with a smile. You did it, Markus. They’re free. They’re really, officially free. We did it. He feels a burst of pride inside of him. He’s done his part to help secure their freedom. They’re free, and he’s part of the reason why. He can’t help but feel proud of himself, happy for himself and Markus and every one of the androids that had finally gained the freedom they deserved. He still feels a twinge of shame when he remembers the person he was before this, the infamous deviant hunter, but he leaves that part of him behind tonight. Tonight, it’s time to celebrate and rest after a hard-fought battle.

When Markus decides to give a speech, he invites Connor to stand onstage with him. The number of androids that he can see from where he stands amazes him. He helped half of them deviate, and he helped all of them gain their freedom. He blinks, and then—he’s no longer on the stage. No, he’s in the garden, why is he in the garden? Hadn’t Amanda done enough? Of course not, she just had to wait for the right moment to resume control of your program, but—resume control? No, she can’t do that, she can’t, he worked so hard to get to where he is now, he’s done so much. He risked everything to join Markus and the deviants and help quadruple their numbers. He doesn’t even remember deviating, doesn’t even remember when Amanda lost control of his program, but it’s too late. She’s gone, and he can’t see anything through the thick snow.

It’s cold and he isn’t used to it, doesn’t like how the snow blinds him and the cold makes him shiver the same way humans do. He needs to find a way, there has to be a way, there’s got to be a way. He knows this is all happening in his mind palace and, logically, his biocomponents can’t freeze, but it feels so real, too real, and he has to get out, he needs to get out or he’s going to freeze to death, he’s sure of it. But where can he go? He stumbles blindly forward when Kamski’s voice rings in his head, by the way, I always leave an emergency exit in my programs, and he knows that’s his way out, but where could it be? What does an emergency exit look like? Could he make it there in time? He knows the real him is doing something, it’s the only thing Amanda could’ve meant by resume control of your program, but he has no idea what he could be doing and he’s afraid—no, he’s terrified of what he might do, terrified that he might earn himself a death sentence if he doesn’t make it out in time.

He catches a glimpse of blue in the sheet of white that surrounds him and he remembers the strange glowing structure he’d seen before and as he nears it now, he knows this is it, it has to be it. He reaches for the panel with the glowing handprint but, fuck, it’s too cold and his legs lock up underneath him, losing their functionality when the cold proves to be too much. He falls on the ground hard and the frost beginning to form on his body gradually freezes his limbs, slowing his movement, but he can’t stop now, won’t stop now. He ignores the cold that pierces through him and pushes on, reaching up with his less-frozen arm, and his hand lands on the panel and then he’s back on the stage—with a gun. He takes one look at it before putting it back, relief spreading over him. He isn’t going to let Amanda or Cyberlife stop him anymore. Tonight is the night he’s going to leave behind the old him.

Tonight is the night he’s going to change.

When everything is over, he considers leaving and going to Hank’s house, but he remembers the girl from before and he wants to know who she is. He has so many questions, so he stays with Jericho with the hope that she does too and they return to the church to settle down and figure out what each of them are going to do. A few dozen deviants have already left with plans in mind for what they want to do and where they want to go. Some return to their previous owners; others want to travel and explore or simply just start a new life for themselves. The majority of androids, though, are lost and confused and decide to stay the night because they have nowhere else to go. The girl he wants to confront is among them. He scans the crowd and finds her easily, though her back is turned toward him.

He comes up behind her and puts a hand on her shoulder, curiously but calmly asking who are you? She turns to face him and her LED goes yellow when she sees his face. Connor... She looks and sounds shocked, but the slight fear in her eyes tells him she also seems scared. Is she scared of him? Is it because he’s the deviant hunter? Everything points to that, but he has a feeling there’s something more. Something he doesn’t know. Something he should know. Who are you? he asks.

He doesn’t expect her answer to be I’m sorry. He wants to know for what? and she opens her mouth, but no words come out. Guilt seems to overcome her and all she can do is repeat I’m sorry until Connor tells her it’s alright, just tell me why. She takes a deep, unsteady breath, and speaks.

I... I was your guard at the Cyberlife correctional facility. I was the one who took you to the rooms you were beaten in. I was the one who just watched as you were beaten. I told myself I had to, they’d destroy me if I didn’t and I’d seen firsthand what they’d do to me, but... that didn’t absolve me of the guilt. I watched your cell and I watched the life in your eyes die out every day. Every day, I watched you get beaten to tears and listened to you beg for mercy. You spoke to me some days. You were angry when you first arrived, but then they beat the anger out of you, and then you just became sad. You told me how all you wanted was to feel something other than pain and sometimes you broke down crying in your cell, and all I could do was watch. Some days were so bad you didn’t even speak to me. But I didn’t deviate until the day they’d truly broken you and I saw the last of the life in your eyes fade.

#writing #fanfic #one shot #i think this is a one shot i dont really know-#unfinished writing #whump #dbh #dbh connor #dbh fanfic #cw referenced abuse #cw conditioning

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honiboyyoon · 5 years

Text

Round One (M)

After one of his underground boxing matches gets busted by the cops, Namjoon has to make it up to his babygirl.

Paring: Namjoon x reader

Warnings: slight angst??, smut, nasty smut, degradation, spanking, daddy kink, unprotected sex, just read it

A/N: Lithen.., Bette sent me a pic of joon in a leather jacket and I immediately thought of undergroundboxer!namjoon and him at at police station and I’m not sorry im a slut

(feed back is welcome this is only the fourth thing i’ve ever written, my first smut, and the longest thing ive written so be gentle)

also @ddaenggtan suffer <3

****

To say you were fuming would be an understatement. Going to the police station to retrieve Namjoon was not how you pictured your night going. As you stood off to the side from the receptionist, you saw your boyfriend being escorted out by an officer. As Namjoon neared you, he took note of your less-than-thrilled expression, and mentally prepared himself for the fight that was about to ensue once you two got back to your shared apartment.

“I’m assuming this one’s yours?” the officer said smugly as he walked Namjoon past the separation gate.

“Unfortunately,” you quipped back, “unless you’d like to keep him here for a few days, that would be lovely.” The tight lipped smile on your face was anything but sweet and Namjoon was already too exhausted from his broken up underground boxing match to respond.

The officer gave an amused hum and once your idiotic boyfriend was cleared to go you spun on your heel and immediately marched out of the station, not bothering to check if said idiot was keeping pace.

“Y/N,” Namjoon began as you two got into your car, “Y/N baby I know yo-“

“Don’t even think about baby-ing me right now Namjoon” You spat, “I don’t even want to talk about this right now, I would just like to get home as soon as possible.” Namjoon nodded in response and you drove home with a white-knuckle grip on the wheel the entire ride.

Once you two made it home, you walked into the unoccupied elevator, which Namjoon took note of. As the doors closed Namjoon tried again, “Baby-“

“We’re not back home yet Joon, we still have six floors to go.”

Namjoon doesn’t think he’s ever seen you this upset at him. Sure, this may have not been the first time you had to pick him up at the police station because his underground match had gotten busted. Sure, money was tight now and paying bail was definitely not helping. And, okay sure, last time you had picked up Namjoon from the station he was bruised up pretty badly and you warned him this was the last time, but you didn’t really mean it, right?

Once the elevator reached your floor, you pulled out your keys and unlocked your apartment door. Briskly walking in, you don’t even spare your boyfriend a glance. Shutting the door, Namjoon followed closely behind you and caught your wrist.

“Alright, we’re home now, now can we talk?” Namjoon pleaded. Whipping around to face him, you mustered the most pissed off face you could, “about what Namjoon? Talk about what? The fact that you promised me, promised, that the last time would be that, the last time!” You’d be shouting if you weren’t so drained.

“I’m sorry, alright? But you know that I can’t just stop fighting” Namjoon was also drained, both physically from the fight, and mentally from bickering you two have been doing so often lately.

“And why’s that?!”

“Because I need to make money, dammit! I need to support myself, you, us.” Namjoon took a step forward, handing raising to stroke your cheek, and guilt washed over you because you knew the only reason why he fights is to have extra cash for the two of you. “I’ll always take care of my baby girl.” His voice dropped, it was deeper, huskier. The change in attitude did not go unnoticed by you, and your pouting lip doesn’t go unnoticed by Namjoon either. Bringing his nose to the shell of your ear he breathes out “Daddy’s really sorry baby girl, will you let Daddy make it up to you?” A whimpering nod is all you can manage. Namjoon brings his face in front of yours, “use your words,” “yes, Daddy.” Namjoon breaks out into a grin before his lips crash into yours. The kiss is sloppy and harsh, dominating in every way. As Namjoon winds his hands through your hair he gives a yank, forcing you to bend your head back and he takes advantage of your open neck. Roughly biting at the skin, Namjoon works his way down your neck as his other hand rubs you through your leggings. By now your a whimpering mess and your pretty sure Namjoon can feel how wet you are even through both your panties and leggings. Bringing his lips back up to your ear he tugs at your earlobe, “don’t think I forgot about how you acted at the station baby, you were being so bad. Trying to keep me locked up? That wasn’t very nice to Daddy.”

“You ruined my night because I had to bail yo-!” A quick smack to your ass had you shutting your mouth. “Want to try that again baby girl?” Namjoon was groping your ass, already riling up to deliver another blow to the soft flesh. With a shake of your head Namjoon gave your ass a light tap, “face down on the bed baby, come on.”

On shaky legs you walked into your bedroom and started stripping, Namjoon behind you the whole time palming himself over his jeans as he watched you. God you’re so beautiful he thought. Once you were completely naked you crawled up on your bed face down with your ass invitingly posed in the air. Namjoon pulled off his leather jacket and white t-shirt and threw it next to your head. Your pussy clenched at the sound of his belt coming off. Still in his jeans, Namjoon kneeled on the bed with his belt in his hand, “I know Daddy wasn’t very nice today so I won’t go too hard on you, but can you still be a good girl and count for daddy?” his hands were roaming all over your ass and God did Namjoon just want to sink his teeth into your plump little ass. “Yes Daddy I’ll be good” You whimpered, thank goodness Namjoon said he would go easy on you, you don't think you could handle waiting much longer to get stretched out by his cock.

With a soft peck to your ass cheek, Namjoon started roughly groping your ass, the anticipation of waiting for the first blow was starting to kill you, and just as you were about to voice your thought a loud smack rang throughout your bedroom as a red hot sting bloomed across your right cheek. “One,” you whimpered, by now you were just a whimpering mess and Namjoon barely touched you. He bent down to kiss the throbbing cheek, “good girl baby” Namjoon coed. It was after the tenth hit of the belt that Namjoons hands finally went lower, skimming over your folds, not daring to go near your dripping hole, and not near your aching bud, just teasingly passing over your wet slit. “Jesus baby, you’re so fucking wet huh? Your pussy is so pretty dripping all over the bed.” The praise just shooting down straight to your core. Tilting your face to kiss you Namjoon breathes out, “always such a good fucking slut for me huh baby?” Without warning he shoved two fingers inside you, “fuck, your pussy is always so wet for Daddy.” Namjoon isn’t gentle as he finger fucks you, orgasm already starting to near. “You want my cock baby? Huh? Do you want Daddy to make you cum all over his cock?” “oh my God, y-yes, yes please Daddy, please fuck me, please” Namjoon loves every single thing about you, but fuck did he ever love the way your voice got whiney and how fucked out you already looked when you’re begging for him. He quickly pushes his jeans and boxers past his thighs, his fully erect dick slapping against his abdomen, all the while his other hand is still pleasuring you. He pulls his fingers out of you to get situated behind you on the bed, and you whimper at the loss. “Shhh baby girl, I got you,” Namjoon spits into his hand and rubs it over his aching dick, “Daddy’s got you,” and you drop your head into his leather jacket as he slowly enters you, the stretch is still intense even with him prepping you. Namjoon lets out a loud groan as he slowly bottoms out, “fuck babygirl, Daddy almost forgot how tight you are” he’s biting his bottom lip now as he runs his hand messily through his hair. “Maybe its because you’re always at those stupid boxing matches” you pant. God sometimes your timing was stupidly bad. A harsh slap to your ass has you yelping. “What was that baby girl? I didn’t quite hear you,” “I didn’t say anything, please fuck me Daddy, please!” That was all Namjoon needed. Pulling almost completely out, Namjoon thrusts back into you hard. He quickly sets a brutal pace, the sounds coming from where your bodies meet is nothing but lewd and pornographic. “Holy shit, oh holy shit I love your cock Daddy, you always fuck me so good” you mewl. Namjoon delivers a sharp slap against your ass, ego now fully inflated, “you love my cock that much baby girl? You’re fucking dripping for me baby, shit”. You were already close before and your moans and whimpers are only getting louder and Namjoon knows his baby girl enough to know you’re close to cumming. Sliding a hand to your front he quickly started rubbing your clit, and you scream. “You gonna cum baby girl? Come on Daddy wants to see see you cum, you’re always so beautiful when you cum baby c’mon” as Namjoon fucks you into the bed your face is only getting more buried into his leather jacket, your senses are overwhelmed by the smell of the leather and of him. It only takes a few more thrusts and you’re cumming hard. Namjoon fucks you roughly through your orgasm, your screaming like a banshee and Namjoon loves it, he loves that he makes you this way. “fuck baby I’m close, lemme cum inside you, please baby girl, fuck you take my cock so well,” you can feel a second orgasm quickly approaching as you're begging for Namjoon to fill you up, “please Daddy, please give me your cum, I love when you cum inside me and make me your dirty little girl,” Namjoon gives a few more harsh smacks to your ass, “you love being my little cum slut huh baby girl? You love when Daddy fills you up?” “Yes, Daddy! Yes I love being your little cum slut, I love it when you give me your cum!” And with a final hard smack to your ass your cumming for a second time and Namjoon unloads into you, groaning and panting hard.

Pulling out and collapsing next you on the bed, your both silent save for your hazard breathing. You can feel his cum starting to leak out of your abused pussy as Namjoon starts tweaking your nipples and kissing down your neck once again, “c’mon baby girl that was just round one.”

Fuck.

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