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sihtricfedaraaahvicius · 1 month

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My EACON3 post is finally here... with all my photos.

I'll skip the trip and go straight to the con because I fear it's going to be a long one. I am not going into details about the panels and other things that went on, but mainly about my interactions with the guests as that's what the con is about, right? I am also probably forgetting a bunch of stuff, so I might add things later if I recall them again, and here and there I may remember things in a different order.

The con started friday evening, I had won tickets to the game night and let me tell you I was terrified and not prepared. On top of that I was exhausted from the trip and had shitty medication side effects too because I had swapped meds earlier that week. Yes, fuck my life.

To make all THAT worse, while I was waiting in line to enter the game room I got texts from my friends who were at the cocktail party with the guests and they told me Arnas had long(er) hair and some facial hair. It was over for me before it started (IYKYK)

Luckily his facial hair was minimal and his hair wasn't long enough for me to go insane, but still, the tone was set and I avoided him like the fucking plague for real

Let me first say that I didn't expect Arnas to recognise me to be fair, as it had been like, what, half a year since we met in Germany? We had a brief interaction on insta a few days before eacon tho and that had made me a little anxious that he might remember me, but I did not want to be delusional so I kept telling myself he simply wouldn't remember me (haha....)

For the game I was in a team with Eliza, Stefanie and Ossian. Eliza is the life of the party and made everyone introduce themselves in our group. For some reason people always struggle with my name, so I had to repeat my name like 5 times and the entire group eventually shouted my name back at me to get it right, which the whole room could more or less hear, and behold; I looked up and saw Arnas glanced my way and then I just knew for sure that he now knew it was me (and I stressed out)

The game itself was hilarious, we played the card game Werewolves and Eliza was simply so much fun, Stefanie was more quiet but so sweet and Ossian… fucking hell, me and Ossian became rivals real fast. He kept saying he didn't trust me (in the game) and felt I was suspicious, which led to him turning the whole group against me and being cast out (which was part of the game). Eventually it turned out that he was completely wrong about my character in the game and, well, I casted him out the next round in revenge. We were going at each other, lovingly, and he was 100% the biggest surprise of the weekend for me by how cool he was and I became an instant fan of him because of his personality. 10/10, cool dude!

Random note: at some part during the game I heard Arnas laugh so hard in his own group while our group tried to concentrate and I struggled not to burst in laughter because of that and it was rough.

When the game was over, Christian and Harry stopped by every group for a brief chat and wow; Christian, beautiful man irl?! He also photobombed my group photo we took afterwards. 10/10, lovely dude! and Harry was HILARIOUS. Did not expect, another 10/10!

After the game I left the room and literally walked past Arnas without looking at him because I just couldn't??? I was so nervous because of the stupid jokes I made to him since Germany, I just couldn't face him for some reason and my meds side effects made me want to hide (constant flushed cheeks, it's awful, even when I'm shivering cold) however, I felt bad about avoiding him because I worried then maybe he wondered why I didn't say hi when we clearly "knew each other" so to say but, well, I went to bed and called it a night.

Saturday morning was rough. I slept well, the meds side effects had lessened so I looked more decent (until later that day again ugh) and I had a selfie lounge ticket for 10am (that's no hour for selfies). I met up with @mrsarnasdelicious and we stuck together for the lounge.

James was the first to approach us, and he was incredibly lovely (and tall, wow). He asked us where we were from and was overall just super kind. We took a few photos and then he continued to the next people. 10/10!!

Then Stefanie came over and again, she is lovely and gooooooorgeous!! She told me she liked my dress as it had the shoulders cut out and she loved that it showed my tattoos. I can't remember what else we talked about unfortunately, but just know she was a pleasure to meet. 10/10, hope to meet her again!

Up next we had Mark! I was so excited to finally talk to him, because in Germany I only saw him during my duo photo op, and we couldn't really talk. I told him I was super excited about him being in the second season of Rogue Heroes and he was so enthusiastic I mentioned it that he rambled on about several things that happened on set when he was filming that season and my heart was so, so happy. I did truly have a hard time keeping up with him talking because of his accent. Mark also agreed that 10 in the morning was an ungodly hour for a selfie lounge and we felt both tired lmao. He's a whole 10/10!!

Eliza was next and she remembered me from the game night and I ended up telling her that I saw on her insta that she went to a Coldplay show in Sweden earlier that year, which I was supposed to go to as well, but I had to sell my tickets due to several reasons. We had a Coldplay fangirl moment and it was everything, I got to show her my several Coldplay tattoos as well and basically she's just a queen who hypes everyone up. Love her! We agreed that at the next Coldplay tour we'll be together at the show (I wish!) 10/10!!!!

Then we met Eysteinn!! My god!! No words. He is so sweet and shy and soft spoken, we absolutely vibed. We bonded over the fact that we both love to travel by train and really don't like travelling by plane. He loves to journal during his trips while I told him I love to read or just watch the scenery. Absolutely a blessing of a man! When I took our selfie I told him that I suck at taking selfies, and he said he has the same problem, so we just made the best of it together. 14/10, he's absolutely adorable.

The dreaded moment arrived…………… Arnas came up to us at this point and I had no chance of avoiding him anymore and all my bad jokes flashed before my eyes-

He greeted me with a happy 'Labas!' (Hi in Lithuanian) and he gave me a hug and I told him 'Laba diena' (good day) which he said was very good. Before I could say anything else he asked me where Danas was (long backstory to this, won't write that all here) I told him Danas did not want to join me to the con so he's back home. Arnas then went on a ramble about how he understood that, because he also wouldn't want to be in the same room with the guy his partner would have a crush on and also wondered why it's okay for women to have crushes, but boyfriends are not allowed to have crushes. I said 'I asked Danas several times who his crush is, but he always tells me he has none.'

Arnas was very pleased with himself here and said; 'haha, see, I totally tricked you into telling me I'm your crush, because I didn't know that.'

me: well *rolls eyes, lowkey shrug* (I believe at this point he "teased" @mrsarnasdelicious for a moment and girlie, you know you were rightfully flustered and it was cute, while I was left rather unphased by his remarks and I still believe that is why he began to rile you up hahaha)

Arnas then went on about the crushes problem in relationships and mentioned to me his gf would "not be happy" if he had a crush. He then somehow flipped the topic towards being obsessed with someone and I cut him off there saying; 'wow, but now you're implying I'm obsessed with you, and that is completely something else.'

Mans got put back in his place and apologised because he was totally blowing smoke up his own ass there (in his own words) and agreed that having a crush and being obsessed are two different things. And honestly the whole moment was chaotic and very surreal.

We also somehow ended up talking about other Lithuanian words and I told him I knew the word that means chicken, which he agreed was very important to know and we started saying 'chicken' in different languages, he then asked me what the French word was and we pondered for a second but I then remembered and it was rather wholesome and completely random????????

We finally got ready to take our selfie but then he wanted to record a video for Danas in Lithuanian. He started talking and I was like; 'what, no, I'm taking a photo?' He then said we could take a photo first but insisted on the video so yeah we made a video where he said some Lithuanian saying and yeah.. It was again very, very surreal. 10/10, still baffled he remembered me and Danas, who he has never met.

Up last we met Timothy and I told him I was very excited to meet him, because in Germany I was too broke to get a photo with him. We spoke about the German con and he said how surreal that con was because he had slept at the airport, arrived just in time, then at one point he went to the toilet and walked into William Shatner, which left him kinda starstruck, and he said 'it felt like I was in the upside down!' and then he apparently walked out of the toilets and walked into a Stranger Things cosplayer and he was about to lose his mind. Genuinely the most amazing anecdote of the weekend. Another 10/10!

Later that day I had polaroid photo ops, one with Eysteinn and one with Arnas. Eysteinn was once again lovely and asked if we should just pose cool, and well, see the result below.

The polaroid with Arnas was chaos again. For some reason he likes to say 'Sanneeeeee' when he sees me (vocal stim? perhaps. also he never struggled with my name, bless) so he did that, but I was exhausted from the whole day and couldn't hide it anymore while he was still high energy. He gave me a hug as I said I was so tired and we then cursed in Dutch at the same time. I asked if he knew anything else in my language and he proceeded to say in Dutch; 'what do you want?' and this left me shook: 'sleep tight, hot thing' (roughly translated). James then asked what language we spoke, we said Dutch, which James thought was cool and he got ready to take the photo. I asked Arnas how we should pose and he went 'should we do the Lithuanian anthem or is that too much?' I jokingly agreed it was too much and we both placed our hand on our heart and James said he loved the pose and told us to hold it. See the result below!

The panels I went to throughout the day were fun and I also met several super lovely people during the day like @whitedarkmoonflower, @bubblyabs (we hung out most of the con and again, bless you!) and also I met @sihtricsafin!

Later that day I was getting an autograph from Arnas and gave him the letters and art some people had sent to me, which he absolutely loved at first quick glance, and he said that his favorite con moment is actually after the con where he goes through the stuff that people have given him. He randomly told me he liked my necklace and I told him I actually got in in Vilnius at a fair earlier that year and he liked that, then asked me which fair it was but I told him I didn't remember. We then spoke a bit about Vilnius in general and it was great. When he saw the keychain that @thalygremlinsson made him (a gremlin with his mismatched eyes) he said he'd put it on his keychain and he also told me a random story how a firework flew into his home when he was a kid while he was playing with a gremlin toy??? I also have no idea besties. Anyway, we got to take another selfie again and…

Speaking about my friend @sihtricsafin… we joined each other in the autograph line for Arnas, and she had bought a recording of her autograph and asked me to film it, which I did, and well, the problems between me and Arnas then began. His handwriting was brought up and he remembered I messaged him as a reply to his story months ago that I thought his writing has not good enough to get tattooed (lighthearted) he agreed then and wrote he was happy I hadn't tattooed it, but apparently he was still "bitter" about that and we got it all on tape.

Also we found out he has never seen Nightmare Before Christmas and did not know who Jack Skellington was after asking my friend about the skull on her beanie (it was Jack), he then jokingly said something like that they didn't have a tv in Lithuania when he was younger.

Also found out he thinks Muse is a great band and he played Otherside by RHCP on his speaker at some point (bass player!Sihtric confirmed???)

Aaaand that was more or less the end of my saturday at the con!

Sunday was rough. I was very tired from the days before but we pulled through. The day started with a group panel and later that day I had a photo op with Arnas.

Mans absolutely looked me up and down when I approached him at the op and ngl, I am not attracted to Arnas in real life (unless he has the SKMD/Masema haircut and the facial hair) but that split second 100% affected me and left me bewildered for a sec LMAO

I had no idea how to pose, and he said 'oh, classic, Sanne,' (someone was still petty (jk)) and then we both just posed as if we had no clue what to do, but it turned out to look like we are a married couple in the verge of a divorce and I love it

@whitedarkmoonflower gave me an autograph ticket for Mark (as I gave her two selfie tickets so we kinda swapped) and Mark gives great hugs btw! He signed my book but the marker fucked up so I got the cover and the inside page signed by him. bless.

Later that day I had a selfie with Christian and one with Harry because they weren't at the selfie lounge on saturday. Harry was so kind and I wished him good luck with all his future projects and he really really appreciated that. He's so sweet! When I took my photo with Christian he said 'oh, great camera! Or do we just look good because we are two beautiful people?'

Now, I usually ignore compliments bc I suck with them, but I just said 'both,' because in that moment we were just two beautiful people taking a selfie. He said he loved my skull tattoo and that he considered getting a skull tattoo himself (something along those lines) which was really cool???

I then went to Eysteinn to get my polaroid signed, and he said he liked the photo and that we looked like a death metal band. I said I'm up for that and told him I can play drums, he then told me he can play piano and I said we could make that work, to which he smiled (god… that smile). He loves to give hugs, so I got one, and it was great!!

Okay… so, very last minute I decided to get my polaroid with Arnas signed and it was a shit show (positive). It started with the fact he mentioned he didn't like the Beatles (he was playing his own music on speaker again) except for one song and he then looked at me and said 'or is it because I am a snob?' I shrugged and said 'perhaps.' Big mistake. He was "offended" and said he thought he was amongst friends here. I snapped back and told him I heard from my friends the day before that he told them that I trash talk about his handwriting to everyone (something like that). He got defensive and said it wasn't true blahblahblah, we both didn't give up and (lovingly) argued about it. He then finally signed my polaroid and messed up (obviously with that handwriting) and he said that it was my fault (man child) and wrote a petty ass message on the polaroid (toddler). We then told each other (more quietly) that he wasn't talking bad about me and I told him I knew that, but it was sweet of him to clear up that he truly never intended to make something sound bad and I in my turn told him I understood that, and there was this mutual understanding that everything was just a joke but that bickering was rather intense, and I think we both felt the need to make sure we both knew this was never serious, which truly made me love his personality even more.

We ended on good terms and a hug, I told him good evening in Lithuanian and then left. And with that, the con got to an end too.

When I got home the next evening I had only stepped through the door and received a dm from Arnas with a photo of the postcard I gave him, indicating he had read my message to him and it was honestly the most perfect way to end that entire weekend. The timing was insane and I shed a tear!

Well then… if you are still reading this, damn, thank you! I hope you enjoyed this mess of a post and here are the photos. also yes I know, I have like one selfie face, I already said I suck at selfies...

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neuroticboyfriend · 1 year

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hey med taking and drug doing folks. don't take multiple CNS depressants at once, or combine them with other drugs that affect your vital signs. it can kill you - and will, if you don't pay attention to what you're taking and how it's affecting your body.

for example. I used to take seroquel XR, topiramate, and prazosin all at once. every night. while having sleep apnea and dysautonomia. i was used to sedation because i'd been on seroquel for years - but with that combo, it genuinely felt like my heart was gonna stop every time i took my meds, and i was too sedated to do anything about it once it started.

i did not realize that is. absolutely not a normal side effect and could kill me (because of trauma from gaslighting). so yeah. don't do it, trust your body, and always check for drug interactions - no matter where you got the meds/drugs from, you may not have been given accurate information. nothing is more important than your life.

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yellobb · 6 months

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✨WIP Wednesday✨

Hello lovely people! It’s been a metric age since I posted one of these, but I wanted to show some appreciation to the people who still tag me every week. Y’all are the best ❤️❤️❤️

@shrekgogurt @martsonmars @aristocratic-otter @thewholelemon @bazzybelle @hushed-chorus @you-remind-me-of-the-babe @ileadacharmedlife

Anyway, I don’t have actual content to post because all I’ve been working on fandom-wise has been Inktober. However, last week someone (I can’t remember who 😭) did a personal WIP Wednesday and I’m totally stealing that, because WOW has it been a wild few months.

I think most of the people who are going to see this post already know most of this, but I’ve officially graduated college (thank fucking god), started my first full-time job, and moved halfway across the United States. It’s a lot of transition stuff, but surprisingly? I’ve actually been doing really well with it.

This past month I’ve treated myself like a work in progress, and man have I improved. I’m taking my meds every day without external pressure for the first time and the meds I’m taking actually work. I’ve been waking up at a reasonable human being time, I haven’t missed a day of work, and I’m actually learning to cook for myself. I’m also working on getting my place organized and decorated, and I’m honestly in love with it so far :) Here’s some pictures!

One of the things I’m really working on right now (and the thing that’s probably the most relevant to y’all) is actually interacting with others. I’ve made a concerted effort to hang out with someone irl one day every weekend.

This may not seem like much, but for me to make it through a full week of waking up and going to work and doing my chores (semi) regularly and still make an effort to see people on the weekend instead of just huddling in my room? It’s huge! But it’s also kind of exhausting because my body just isn’t used to that anymore. I’m used to laying in bed 24/7, so I need a LOT of recovery time in between.

This has had the side effect of not having any energy to really engage with my online friends. My social battery just runs out so quickly right now, but I’m really optimistic. I wanna start engaging in the server again because I miss you guys so much. I’ve kind of held myself back for a while because I know I can’t commit to fully being on the server like I used to right now, but I’m going to try to drop in here and there when I have the energy :)

Anyway, kudos to you if you’ve read this far :P I just wanted to give a little update on how things were going and why I haven’t been around as much. Appreciate you all ❤️❤️❤️

No pressure tags: @facewithoutheart @fwisti @artsyunderstudy @agni-ashes @ivelovedhimthroughworse @ic3-que3n @rimeswithpurple @onepintobean @raenestee @gekkoinapeartree @aroace-genderfluid-sheep @brilla-brilla-estrellita

#m rambles #wip Wednesday #tbh might go grab my headphones and log onto edp while I doodle :P #it’s been a really long time

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never-ending-fanfic · 3 months

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OCD Kallus WIP

@sapphic-loser16 and @seth-shitposts thank you for asking about it 💙🩵💙

(Disclaimer #1: if you're a person with OCD and you don't relate to this or think this is unrealistic compared to your experience- idk what to tell you. I write this for me and it reflects my point of view, OCD is not black and white, it's different for everyone, so yknow, don't like, don't read

I did something similar when I was invested deeply into the Atla fandom and I'm doing it here- projecting my experience onto a character, as nice way to put my own mentality in perspective. In short: OCD is a bitch, so I'll use it to torture a character)

TW: mention of intrusive thoughts, compulsions, non-graphic violence. I'll place a cut here

The thing about OCD Kallus WIP is: do I think Kallus could have OCD based on the show? No. Will I give him one in fanfiction? Absolutely.

I don't really think I'll even publish it- it feels personal in this wild manner. I might change my mind sometime. But in the meantime, the general idea consists of this (and bear with me, it's long):

Kallus has had OCD ever since childhood, but he doesn't remember that well. He can recall a few strange things he made himself do just to be safe, but not much beond that. In the Empire he didn't have the symptoms, because when he was in the academy, a medic prescribed him meds for said symptoms and they worked (who cares that he had a ton of side effects like insomnia and stuff like this, it worked so he didn't complain). And slowly he forgot he's ever had to deal with that.

After he defects, it's logical that he doesn't take the meds anymore. For a while it's fine, he got a dose before Atollon happened so it still works for some time. Until it doesn't, of course.

All the intrusive thoughts, all the paranoia and all the obsessions hit him like a train one sunny, lovely day when he's having tea with Hera and they're talking gossip about the base. And then he gets a very visual idea to pull out a blaster and shoot Hera in the head. It's very explicit and he clearly sees every part of it happening almost in front of his eyes.

And he's (kriffing rightfully so) terrified. And because he's never been in therapy or recieved any sort of help except those blasted meds, he spirals into panic pretty quick. He gets more thoughts like that, about not only the Spectres but anyone he interacts with, about hurting them, assaulting them or killing them. The thoughts appear out of the blue at any moment and he's never prepared for them. Assuming that he's going crazy, he doesn't tell anyone, scared of what the people might thing and scared of loosing everything he has because of it. He tries to take care of it by himself- by distancing himself from people he's scared of hurting, by never going near weapons, by throwing his own blaster away, he's even avoiding kitchen knives and forks, because he know that with his training, it could be turned into a deadly weapon.

The others see it and try to help, but he only distances himself further and further, to the point that he's scared of leaving his room, imagining he might hurt someone if he goes out.

Oh right, add to that a huge number of rituals he has to do now, to keep everyone around safe from himself- he needs to turn the light in his room on and off five times, because if he doesn't, he's going to stab Sabine in the back, tap his fingers together in a pattern before settling for the night or else he will blow the base up. And he doesn't want any of that to happen, so he does all these things and more.

And then one day the Spectres decide to use force to get him out of his room and he finally agrees for the sake of looking somewhat like his normal self in front of them. They have dinner on the Ghost. Before he can grab a fork though, he claps his hands in a pattern. He reaches for a fork and hears Ezra snort, asking what was that he did with his hands. Kallus' blood runs cold at the thought that someone saw him and he's so stressed that he feels the urge to flee- he needs to perform a ritual, but he can only do that when nobody else is around. And he almost does so, before Zeb stops him and a whole mess starts because Kallus panics and says he absolutely needs to get out and go to his room and Zeb, misunderstanding the situation, is insistent on him staying. And then Kallus blurts out that if he doesn't go to his room this instant, he could kill the entire crew and he doesn't want to do that, so will Zeb please let him go, so he can-

And then Zeb let's him go. And they all watch stunned as Kallus bolts out of the Ghost.

No plot beyond that, I have no idea what goes on besides that, but I know that- the ending is gonna be happy, with the crew realising what is going on and chasing any info on what OCD is, Kallus goes to therapy, gets diagnosed and gets the necessary resources to battle that fuckery with the help of his family and they live happily ever after the end

I kinda felt like crying as I was writing this down

(Disclaimer #2: OCD is a fucked up thing to have and just to be sure that I said it, just so I can carry on with a clear conscience: intrusive thoughts are NOT some unspoken desires of your mind that you actually want to happen- intrusive thoughts are chaotic wild messes of things you fear you're capable of doing and you're so terrified of doing them that you must perform tasks so they don't happen- it doesn't make any sense and believe me, anyone with OCD is aware of how irrational it sounds, you don't need to tell us. But it works like that. Intrusive thoughts are things we would never do, but they scare us so badly to the point of making up inexistent connections between them and our compulsions.

And for the last fucking time, OCD DOES NOT MEAN YOU ARE A CLEAN FREAK WHO JUST LOVES ORGANISING THINGS BY COLOUR- and if a person with actual OCD does that, it's certainly not because they like it)

#star wars rebels #star wars #alexsandr kallus #agent kallus #kallus #garazeb orrelios #zeb orrelios #swr #star wars fanfiction #wip ask game

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sebstan2020 · 3 months

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Not Leaving

Chapter 41

Parings: Steve Kemp x Noa

Summary: What if Noa hadn't managed to kill Steve and hadn't been able to get away, what would have happened.

Alternative ending to Fresh were Steve wins against the fight between Noa, Molly and Penny

Warnings: Dom/sub, Psychopath, Kidnapping, Cannibalism, Captive, Handcuffs, Medical torture, Light bondage, Blood, Controlling

Noa slept nervously that night, staring blankly in the darkness of the bedroom. She couldn’t move due to the dead weight of Steve's arm over her stomach, tightly holding her against his chest, his light breaths tickling the back of her neck, his snores keeping her up. Her mind was in a complete fuzz. She had managed to get out of taking her medication tonight, but the morning was still yet to come. Steve was so vigilant on her taking them, insistent every morning and up until today, she would have swallowed them without a second thought, clearly believing they were helping her and her memory, holding onto that little hope that her memory would suddenly come back.

But now, now she had no trust in them… or Steve. Why would he do that to her. Her own husband feeding her pills that clearly weren’t helping her memory but hindering it more. He was a doctor himself, surely, he would know those weren’t the right meds and he knew the side effects. Noa was in two minds. Should she bring it up to him. Half of her was screaming at her to call him out, to get the answers she really needed but her other half was telling her to wait. Something wasn’t right, Noa knew it. Whether it was her imagination, but things were starting to click together. The fall she had a couple of days ago, could that have been because of the meds. Steve was so adamant that she shouldn’t go to the bake sale and yet she just happened to feel faint that day and he come running to her rescue. It was almost as if Steve was trying to keep her from knowing her old life, keeping her from interacting with anyone.

Noa sighed shakily, trying to relax in her pillow and shut her eyes. She didn’t want to think like that, and she was praying this was all in her head and none of it was true. Over the last month or so, her head had been fucking with her and she wasn’t in the right mindset. It made her feel sick just thinking that her husband could do something like that.

The following morning, Noa woke groggy and tired. She didn’t catch much sleep what with her mind constantly ticking away and she tiredly shuffled into the kitchen, seeing Steve at the counter. He was dressed and ready for work as usual and he turned smiling gently, having just finished making her a tea.

“Morning” he said cheerfully and Noa smiled tiredly. Although it dropped when she saw the two pills by her side of the mug. Her new meds were in her bag still and she wondered how she was going to get out of taking them this morning. If the new pills recovered any of her memory, her theory would become true.

“Morning” she yawned, and Steve looked down with slight concern on his face, brows furrowed.

“Someone’s tired” he said, his hand coming around and rubbing her back soothingly.

“Yeah, I didn’t get much sleep last night” she shrugged, rubbing her tired eyes. The bags underneath was dark and heavy, and Steve handed her the cup of tea.

“Well, this should give you a pick-up” he smiled and Noa hummed, sipping the hot tea. It was delicious and couldn’t fault it, but she suddenly grew anxious as Steve moved the pills closer to her and she looked up at him briefly.

“I was thinking this weekend we could have a little date weekend, dinner, music, drinks. We used to do that a lot before everything, and I know I’ve been working so much but it would be nice to just relax and spend some time just us two” he said and Noa was surprised. Steve had been working a lot and she felt rather lonely lately.

“Yeah, that sounds amazing, maybe take Bobby out for a nice walk as well” she suggested, and Steve nodded excitedly.

“Alright, it’s a date” he chuckled and Noa giggled softly. Normally she’d be jumping with excitement, her cheeks heating up and cuddled to Steve but her never ending theories made her weary of him now. Steve grinned and turned, picking up her meds, holding them in his palm, practically feeding them to Noa. She took a deep breath trying her best not to sound shaky whilst doing so and plucked them from his palm. She smiled tightly before slipping them in, folding them under her tongue quickly and sipping her tea, pretending to swallow them.

“I got to go to work now, I’ll see you later” he whispered, leaning down, and kissing her deeply on the lips, his hand reaching behind her neck and caressing her. Noa smiled, holding the pills tightly under her tongue and managed to squeak out a bye.

“Love you” he called and Noa called out as he walked to the front door.

“Love you” it was slightly mumbled as she desperately held the pills in her mouth and as soon as the door slammed, she threw them out of her, coughing slightly at the strange aftertaste lingering in her mouth. She washed it down with her tea and took a heavy breath. She had never been this nervous and her hands were practically shaking. But she couldn’t go on living like this.

Noa fished out the new meds, popping open the cap. The capsules were a different colour to the ones she currently was taking, this time being blue and red, the others being blue and white. She popped two in her mouth as per the instructions and swallowed them, standing like a statue for a moment before she moved. The house was silent with an eeriness to it and Noa felt her heart pounding. The new meds wouldn’t work instantly but it was a start. She hid them in a place Steve wouldn’t look to, keeping the old ones in place until she thought of a way to make this easier for her.

Steve sang lowly to the music blaring in the operating room in his basement. He had just finished cutting off Kirsty’s breast, a perfect pair to ship off to a client willing to pay $60,000 for them. It sometimes baffled him how much clients would pay for the smallest amount of meat. She put up a mean fight, so Steve sedated her fully and she was lying on the table asleep, two large bandages over her chest. Sometimes it was much easier when they were asleep like this.

She wouldn’t wake for a couple hours still and while the amputated breasts sat in the metal containers next to him, Steve busied himself with Noa’s meds. Of course, his story about picking them up at work was a lie, well a half lie. He was a work but not the work Noa thought he was at. Being a doctor had its advantages and he was able to pick up any prescription he needed. Steve dispensed the meds into the small bottle, adding a fake label to it to make it look like he had picked them up from work, sealing it perfectly against the plastic. It was his main reason for declining Noa’s offer at getting them herself. He couldn’t have her wondering down to the pharmacy and being turned away for not having a prescription when in fact he was supplying them to her himself. All part of his plan to keep Noa the way he wanted.

Steve sung at the top of his lungs to the song pounding through the speakers, turning his attention to the breasts. He cleaned them, wrapped them, labelled them, and took them down to the store freezer, smoke from the coldness blowing out as he opened the door. He dumped them on one of the shelves next to a chest from a girl names Lily. Some of his victims he forgot about, some more memorable than others, one being of course Ann. She was still in here, her arms and legs tucked at the top of the freezer. Perhaps she’d be the next order. He didn’t know why he was keeping her; he’d rather forget about her if he could. At the time she was a good idea, but Noa came along, and he saw truly who she was.

As his eyes wandered around his work, his eyes settled on something. He shuffled over, picking up the body part wrapped in plastic. He didn’t need to look at the label to know whose ass this belonged to. Noa.

Her first and only body part taken from her. He never did sell it; he couldn’t part with it. He wanted it for himself. A chunk had been taken out from the time he tried it. It was possibly the best he ever had, and he wasn’t just saying that. so rich and plump and juicy. But would he be able to eat it now. Steve smiled, huffing softly before putting his piece of Noa back and exiting the freezer. He still had Kirsty left to deal with and then he’d be off home, back to his wife, his Noa.

Chapter 42

Hey I hope you like this chapter, let me know what you think in the comments

@pattiemac1

@sebastiansluts

@charmed-asylum

@jabersplatt

@val-knj-blog

#sebastian stan #sebastian stan fanfiction #steve kemp #fresh #fresh movie #fresh 2022 #fresh fanfiction #steve kemp fanfiction

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jellogram · 2 months

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Every time I learn anything new about my medications I want to kill my psychiatrist a little bit more. I just tried to check the drug interactions between my meds and some allergy pills. They don't interact with the allergy pills, but the combination of my prescriptions together is apparently really really dangerous. Which I was not told.

For context this woman refused to even discuss the possibility of an ADHD diagnosis until I went on these medications. And when I told her the SSRIs weren't working she doubled them. I was taking double the normal amount of SSRIs and an additional anti-depressant for sleep. I had no idea this was not normal. I felt so god-fucking-awful that I lowered my own dose enough to function but I was scared to go off them completely because everyone kept telling me I was batshit insane and needed to be on these drugs.

I'm tapering myself off the meds completely now, which is fucking horrible because I've been on them for years but after the withdrawal moods fade away I consistently feel better and better with each decrease.

Honestly? I don't think I even have depression. I think 99% of that and my anxiety symptoms are caused by ADHD emotional dysregulation and trauma. But since day one this woman was pushing pushing pushing SSRIs and other anti-depressants on me and didn't even let me take the fucking ADHD test until I acquiesced to all these drugs, and then I had to flat-out demand to be examined.

Surprise surprise I came back as super fucking ADHD, pretty severe ADHD actually, which I had been telling this lady for five fucking years while she insisted I actually just had mood disorders. And of course the fucking government makes it practically impossible to get adderall, so I'm still unmedicated, but that's not her fault specifically.

But now it turns out the combination of meds I've been on actually has a million side effects including worsening arrhythmia, which she knew that I already had genetically.

So... yeah I am never speaking to this woman again. I'm getting off these drugs and I'm never fucking looking back.

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shycoffeeland · 1 year

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TONY STARK HEADCANON LIST

This includes: mental illness mentions (ptsd, depression, anxiety and their associated side effects)

Doesn't fall asleep until 3AM on a good day, has accidentally made himself slightly nocturnal.

Is on citalopram and hates it, but it's kept a lot of his anxiety at bay.

Forgets he shouldn't drink on his medication, and finds himself in spirals only to be reminded by his AIs once he's already starting to panic about it

He shows people he appreciates them by buying them things. Has no problem blowing three grand on the fly for a lunch at an insane elite restaurant purely just to say thank you to you.

Always has a headache and is always a bit dizzy.

It's rare, but it's a known thing amongst his close friends that he faints. He can't tell if it's an underlying physical issue, stress manifesting, or just exhaustion.

Gets chest pains every so often and always thinks "this is it. I'm dead." (The arc reactor is functioning perfectly fine)

Literally hates most people he interacts with and does very little to hide the fact he doesn't really care

ADHD. THE ADHD ON THIS MAN.

He has combined type and got diagnosed at 21, despite how early he graduated both college and high-school, he only ever saw doctors after his parents died.

Hyperfixates so intensely on making new tech for himself, to the point that if he feels he's almost got it, he won't leave his desk for hours and hours. Pepper has to literally pull him away to make him eat.

Doesn't 100% have a grasp on who he really is.

Had a Ton of weird phases as a kid

Very particular about what coffee he drinks, as he doesn't have real adhd meds; because they have heart-related side effects he doesn't want to risk.

Hates how everything feels when he's trying to sleep. He hates how quiet everything is, how dark and how much can happen with his guard down.

Blames himself for a lot but takes it out on other people.

His memory is insane. He'll remember just about anything you tell him. Random anecdote from when you were a kid and that's why you love going to the zoo? Guess what, you're going at the weekend. At the same time though, he often gets details badly misaligned because of how fast his head goes. (Strawberries in iron man 2)

His social medias are so entertaining and well put together, but his twitter is managed for him, and everyone clocked the difference between them instantly, so it's now an inside joke in-universe and there's tons of memes about it.

Pays for random kids college fees and gets them jobs at Stark.

Out of guilt, he set up an organisation that looks after people with severe ptsd and destroyed homes from avengers-related incidents.

Wears bleu de chanel

Keeps tabs on his loved ones when he can. He gets worried really fast.

Can't regulate tone and often ends up being incredibly offensive without even realising it

Doesn't do his own groceries and rarely cooks, but looks like an excited kid on Christmas when the kitchen gets restocked by an assistant

Had a masters degree before he had his drivers license

Gets very uncomfortable in deep conversations, but bites his tongue and listens when it's serious. He only really listens if he's close with who he's talking with though.

Goes for walks when he can't sleep or has a nightmare.

Has kneejerk reactions to loud noises, even if it's just a tray falling off a shelf and clashing on the floor, he's ready to fight and takes forever to calm down

Is horrible at dancing

Is amazing at guitar, and knows how to play all his favourite rock classics.

#tony stark #iron man #tony stark headcanon #headcanons #iron man headcanons #marvel #mcu

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sickbaysaturdays · 1 year

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[ID: Futuristic font reads “sickbay saturdays” over an image of an empty Star Trek TOS sickbay /ID]

Welcome to Sickbay Saturdays!

What is it?

A weekly(ish) event to explore and celebrate unique possibilities for writing futuristic medicine! Run by @withalittlebitofwhump. Not just for Star Trek!

This is first and foremost a whump and hurt/comfort event, but we’re also here for futuristic medicine, cool leaps in medical science, body-focused SF, and transhumanism in fiction, especially that informed by and inclusive of disabled people.

How does it work?

Tag new posts "#sickbay saturdays”. We’ll reblog a selection of these posts, but this will also let participants find your content, even if we don’t reblog it.

For your older posts, either reblog and tag us, or send submissions or asks.

We’ll mainly post on Saturdays, EST, but there’s no strict cut off for participation! We plan on posting (automated) prompts Friday nights and monitoring tags on Saturdays.

How do I participate?

All formats are welcome! Consider:

Giffing your favorite scenes

Sharing video clips

Recommending favorite on-theme fiction or fanfiction

Posting excerpts and quotes from whumpy books

Sending asks ala TAT

Writing fanfiction

Posting your own art

Or anything else that doesn’t violate “Tumblr good citizenship” guidelines. (No re-posting, don’t tag us if you know the OP doesn’t want to interact with whump blogs, etc.)

Please make sure to use the tag “#sickbay Saturdays” so that participants can find your content even if we don’t reblog it.

Interested in helping out? Drop us a message!

Focus / restrictions:

We have a futurism/sci-fi focus. Please don’t clog up the tag with unrelated works!

Please tag common triggers and consider putting works with strong/many triggers under a read more. All explicit content should be clearly marked (N/S/F/W, "lemon”, “explicit noncon”, etc are all acceptable) and should either be under a cut or be a teaser linking to the content. Please refer to this post for other things you may want to tag for.

While the focus is on “classic” whump (action adventure / environmental as opposed to captivity/conditioning), anything with appropriate tags / warnings is welcome. To help folks keep track, action adventure / environmental whump will be tagged “purple whump” and captivity / conditioning as “orange whump”, based on OP’s tags. "Orange” and “purple” tags are arbitrary tags we use to help community members that suits their preferences without implying morality.

We’re unable to reblog everything -- we’ll reblog a selection of what’s tagged every week. If we don’t reblog or post what you send, it’s probably because it slipped through the Tumblr cracks, we’re trying to control the amount of posts, etc. You can find the rest in the #sickbay Saturdays tag!

Upcoming Themes:

February 11: Pan-sci-fi warm up week (anything SF-med goes, but Ari will mostly be offline so this blog will run on a queue/a bit late)

February 18: Sickbay [official kick-off!]

February 25: Desert Planet

March 4: Android

March 11: Side effects of space travel

March 18: Healing pod malfunction

March 25: Kidnapping

April 1: Field medicine

April 8 (Genre Focus): Cyberpunk

April 15: Futuristic Drugs

April 22: (no event)

April 29: Cryosleep

May 6 (Fandom Focus): Star Wars

May 13: Field medicine

May 20: Torture

May 27: (Medical focus): Disability in Science Fiction

#sickbay saturdays #whump #whump community #science fiction #sci fi whump #star trek #star wars #pinned post

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depressedhouseplant · 2 months

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Having A Hard Time

CW:// Depression, chronic illness

It’s frustrating and disheartening to ask for feedback, suggestions, and interactions, and get crickets only to see someone who wrote something almost identical (not plagiarism, just a common trope with the same popular ship) get a ton of interaction.

Do I really suck that bad? Am I really that bad of a writer?

I don’t feel the love for writing I did before right now. The 100 Words A Day (Just Fucking Write) went from feeling like a fun challenge to feeling like a chore. Maybe I should’ve just kept it all to myself rather than choose to share it. I was doing it to be accountable and it just makes me depressed to see other people writing similar things and always getting the positive feedback I would kill for.

I missed my writing class today because I was trying to sleep off / prevent a seizure. I had 2 today. I was shockingly productive given how sluggish and out of it I normally am. I know I’ll pay for it tomorrow somehow. I also change the dose on my new meds tomorrow and the prevailing opinion is if you have a mood disorder (me) it’ll put you in a pretty deep hole. Awesome. I never get the good side effects like weight loss or an improved mood (that happened once in 10 yrs of being on meds and wore off fairly quickly). I dunno y’all. The stubborn part of me refuses to give up. Another part of me says you create art for the love of it and if it’s just putting me in a bad place then why do it?

The stubborn part of me is winning so far and I refuse to quit, but a post going viral (for a good reason obvs) would go a long way toward making me feel less like a total failure.

To end on something vaguely positive - I’ll still tag @m-is-mickey and @theboredsquirrel for hanging in there with me every day. I really do love & appreciate you two.

#just fucking write 2k24 #in my feels #tw depressing thoughts #fuck epilepsy

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climaxbattles · 4 months

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vent dont read (unless the curiousity consumes you i guess. if you know me personally it might suck)

i havent been able to leave the house since may and it seems like every day i get worse and worse

i just cant deal with anything i dont know why

i dont go outside, i cant be alone, i cant even eat too fast/slow or i just like completely freak out

i started therapy and this is the first time ive ever been hopeful about interacting with a therapist but i still kind of dread it every week. im not even sure its helping like maybe shorter sessions would be better but i use so much energy just getting through the day i cant communicate until its too late

i dont even understand what made this happen my only guess is that one of the medications i tried really messed me up (or i have a brain tumor or thyroid problem or something) because a few of them had really really terrible side effects and i almost had to go back to the hospital for the 3rd time in a year, but i dont get why im not getting better when i dont do anything and im not on those meds anymore.

and if it is physical i cant leave the house without panicking like. i dont know how else i would go anywhere to get it checked out unless it got so bad i had to call an ambulance again so they could lie me down and give me oxygen and turn all the lights off and hold my hand again but that also was like very traumatic so im afraid i would just completely break

my friend is over visiting and i havent seen her in forever bc she moved 4 hours away and i cant even bring myself to hang out with her because she brought her boyfriend and i already have problems talking to anyone but her even though i fucking live with her family and leech off them. so im just hiding in my room

i dont really talk to anyone much anymore and i dont even know if its Because i want to be left alone or if its something making me lonely/im upset about. it also kind of seems like people r moving on from me but that could be like entirely self inflicted bc one on one conversation terrified me even before and now i like have panic attacks if a breathe wrong let alone attempt something thats always scared me

i think like some of them maybe also have a seperate discord server i wasnt invited to. this happened literally months ago where i accidentally found out and its not really my business i guess. and i dont even rly know if its true or even used anymore

it just feels bad because i lost a friend of like 7 years and a friend i really related to but didnt know long because i took their side in multiple arguments and i dont regret the 2nd one but the first one kind of still sucks. the people i lost had a lot of their own problems that made them unpleasant but idk. the first person was kind of always open to talking to me even though we r both fucked up and wouldnt ignore me even when i sometimes would bc of my own problems

and then if there Is a second server thats kind of why the second person lost their shit. so its like Maybe they were right in a small way (they were completely fucked though they would like suicidebait randomly and ive never had any other friend do that so its still for the best i think)

it seems like i keep losing or pushing away good friends kind of. or maybe im bad at all friends idk. ive never enjoyed socializing so it seems like my fault probably

i honestly just wish i could get on food stamps and/or disability on top of medicaid but i think people are still insisting i can go back to the way i was before. idk if thats possible. i just want to be able to stop taking As much Directly from other people and maybe like. buy legos or a 3d printer or something. i dont have much to do in the house 24/7 and my computer is getting old. and i think the internet is making this all worse but thats like my only activity

im so tired

#sorry if u know me and think this might be about you #not trying to like vaguepost abt them though i just dont even know if its worth bringing up. and i cant even rly communicate #i forget if my irl friend has a tumblr #its not your fault i feel like this though if anyone does read this #i just feel like i keep saying the same things in vents to friends and i want to stop bothering tgem

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loving-n0t-heyting · 1 year

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I promise you the people telling me to take a 15-minute walk every day instead of my don't-kill-myself pills are not concerned about the specific side-effects you had or even the nature of coercion in psych more broadly. Like I obviously agree people shouldn't be forced or coerced into taking drugs that are harming them, but for some people, the drugs they take do actually help more than they hurt (if they even have negative side-effects at all), and it's entirely reasonable for them to be mad about condescending, bad-faith arguments that medication is "cheating" somehow.

I genuinely don't understand how you could see a post where people were complaining about other people being weirdly moralizing about the concept of medication in general and immediately leap to the assumption that they all want to force mentally ill patients to get strapped down and forced to take pills against their will, or that they think you should have kept taking medication with severe negative side-effects. That's just not what the post said at all!

To begin with, the particular post in that thread I was replying to was explicitly poo-pooing raising worries about drugs “changing your brain,” which is exactly the kind of concern relevant to taking antipsychotics. This might not have been what stood out most to you, but that was what I was on an immediate literal level responding to

And even apart from that! Yr right that some ppl are well served by their psych meds, and sometimes they might be exposed to ppl pressuring them to ditch the pills for 15min walks (though this is an interaction I have never actually personally witnessed, as opposed to the oodles of ppl I’ve seen complaining about it). Which is bad! But like, it is not phrased in terms of weighing the pros and cons, or distinguishing among different psychiatric medications, or letting ppl make their own medical decisions: it is phrased as “Pills Good”. This was, for me, perfectly resonant with the messages I received from my personal extortionists, and I blame them together as a united cultural-institutional front

You can find plenty of examples in that thread of cases unsettlingly close to mine, too! There were definitely allusions to the Agony Juice (atypical antipsychotics), as well as at least one person bemoaning how they simply couldn’t understand medication resistance—a lamentation perennially on the lips (word for word!) of staff at state mental hospitals and similar terrorist organisations. “Nobody is saying…” is always an irritating discourse tic, but it’s particularly grating when the Bailey to this motte isn’t fringier kookier culture warriors than you but a well-entrenched profession responsible for rampant torture and manifest subversion of due process

#ask #anon

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unicornachos · 1 year

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personal post!

hey hi I’m alive sorry for abandoning my blog for like 1.5 yrs??? I had a bunch of health issues and mental health stuff too :’)

Like very full on... god what HASN’T happened.

My body had a weird reaction to the covid vaccines in 2021? I ended up in hospital etc and was sick with mystery fatigue and shit for months and months.... I think I went to hospital like 4-5 throughout 2021? My body seems fine with the MRNA boosters I’ve gotten so maybe something in my body just hated the astrazeneca vaccine?? I’m kinda bitter about it bc of the ambulance bills I had to pay, but still, thank god for vaccines amirite

then, the apartment I was living in and loved got bought by someone who then wanted to move in, so I had to leave the place I loved living to somewhere still nice but way more expenno, and my health issues kinda continued?

then I started a new job

then my mental health got REALLY bad over the 2021/2022 christmas period to the point where I had to call an ambulance for myself bc my mind was in such a bad place.

Then I started taking SSRI’s for depression/anxiety, but I had this weird reaction to the drugs and we think I had serotonin syndrome because of its interaction with the asthma meds I’ve been taking all my life? But at the time no doctors would listen to me and basically gaslit me into thinking all the pain was just a physical manifestation of my anxiety. Anyway, it caused some of the most horrific pain i’ve ever experienced in my life, in particular nerve and muscle pain in my legs, and I had to shower sitting down for weeks, couldn’t walk much around the house, and needed super strong meds to knock me out so I could sleep.

I slowly healed and could walk again and do normal stuff for me around... late April?

While I was recovering I stayed with my mum but still paying rent in Sydney bc all my shit was there, so in June I killed my lease, put most of my shit into storage with a friend’s parent’s mini warehouse they use for their business (absolute legends and wholesome humans and I sent them money every month lol) and moved back home.

I started studying a certificate level course I’d been wanting to get over and done with for ages, so at the end of June I started studying.

Then once again mental health got bad, I tried SSRIs again, thinking it was me who was the problem last time I took them. BUT ACTUALLY, NO. Same physical reaction to the meds as last time, if not worse. It wasn’t my brain making shit up, it was an actual fucking drug interaction issue that ppl had tried to tell me was my anxiety and/or imagination!!! Queue horrific pain, weird symptoms, and once again the inability to walk or clean or work from anywhere but the couch.

Dr and I decided any meds that effect my serotonin levels are a no-go probably forever, and so I’ve been looking into CBD oil over the past few months to see if that will work for things instead.

Now I’m about... 2 months from that reaction, and started CBD oil 2 weeks ago (no reaction, side effects, or really anything yet) and can work at my desk as long as I have a big ass XL foot rest under my legs to keep them propped up, because I get nerve pain if I sit normally :’) I still can’t really go anywhere or walk anywhere other than around the house and for super short periods of time.

Also I powered through and finished my course just last week, so that’s out of the way at least!

Other than that, I’ve just been like. Sleeping, reading, watching shows, napping, sleeping more, trying to eat well.... my job is a bitch but I’m trying rly hard to skill up so I can do more of what I’m interested in! I kind of don’t have energy for much else at the moment??

I have no idea if I’ll post again as regularly as I did a few years back, but I love Tumblr and I always feel glad coming back here and spending time in this place for a bit. These days I mainly only post stuff on my locked private twitter lol. But I have always preferred Tumblr’s longer format and vibes hehe.

ANyway that’s all for now! I hope anyone reading this has been doing ok. These past few years have been fucking tough and if all you have energy for is working and sleeping... you’re valid, dude.

And if you plan to take SSRIs for your mental health, just be wary of serotonin syndrome!!!! Not enough ppl talk about it and a lot of doctors seem to have no idea it exists or also know little about it, but there are lots of cases of it in settings where ppl have been taking other meds and been given SSRIs! I’m not saying don’t take meds if you need them, but just reaaaallllyyy do your research first if you can about adverse reactions and interactions :’)

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transsexualism-archive · 2 years

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tips for dealing with chronic illness that i wish someone told me when i first got my diagnosis:

as a general rule, people aren't supposed to feel pain or distress every single day. try to compare your pain levels with other people's. even if it's "not that bad". even if you think something is normal

talk to other chronically people. find your community. reddit forums >>>> webmd

i cannot stress this enough check with your doctor if and or how your meds interact with each other, especially if you're starting a new medication

put your meds where you can see them, whether it's your bedside drawer or your desk or the kitchen table. stick post it notes everywhere you can see. set an alarm. set three alarms

for the love of fuck don't drink if your meds don't mix with alcohol. or at least drink responsibly. personally i find that im okay if i have one glass of wine or a beer after a full meal; if you do prioritise drinking over whatever side effects you will potentially have, drink responsibly

that being said, you're allowed to have nice things sometimes, whether it's drinks or a food you can't really eat, or going to bed later

if you need to spend a lot of time in bed, invest in a bedside drawer, or just put a spare chair next to your bed. stuff i try to make sure is always within my reach: water, pain relief cream, tissues, charger and headphones

big water bottle or just straight up a huge plastic bottle near the bed and/or your pc. if you don't like drinking water, juice or soda work just as well

coke zero has anti nausea properties because they put too much artificial sweetener in it and have to counteract it

sleep schedule. lack of sleep can make your pain levels a lot worse

you need to eat. if you don't have energy to cook, ramen and instant soups/instant mash potatoes are a godsent. there's all kinds of dry instant meals. snacks aren't the same as a full meal, but if you have issues with eating a bag of crisps is better than nothing

learn what your body needs. try to notice if there's any patterns. how many hours of sleep do to need? how many spoons do you have on average? what makes your symptoms worse? what makes them better?

mental illness is just as much of an illness as a physical syndrome. you wouldn't expect someone with a broken leg to walk as fast as someone without one. if you're dealing with depression you shouldn't expect for yourself to do the same amount of things as a person who isn't depressed

you can and should ask your doctor as many questions as you need. ask your doctor if you can contact them outside appointments. from experience, most psychiatrists are okay with being texted if you're in a crisis situation and need help/advice immediately

sometimes you're just not able to do something or perform at the same level that people without your condition can. it's really frustrating but you shouldn't have to push yourself to do something which is harder for you than it is for others

write shit down. as someone who is dealing with memory loss, often if i don't write something down it's gone from my brain forever. whether it's notes app or a cute notebook or just a random piece of paper that's lying around, developing a habit to put something down in writing if you notice it is helpful. if journalling is something you enjoy, keeping a mood/other symptoms tracker is a great idea. there's also journalling apps, and different kinds of trackers

half assing things is better than not doing anything at all. wash one plate instead of the entire dishes. clean one part of your room. eat one bite

your body is your friend. don't do things that are bad for it, or at least try to aim not to

that being said, sometimes you do end up choosing to do something that you know you're going to regret later. plan it ahead so you have time to rest after. f e if i do a lot of walking i need to clear my schedule for the next few days because i know i won't be able to get out of bed tomorrow

learn your patterns. what makes you feel better? what alleviates your pain? if you feel bad right now, or on the contrary your symptoms are more manageable than usual, is there something youve done differently today?

sometimes dealing with illness is like taking care of a small child. sometimes the child is throwing a tantrum. sometimes you want to strangle the child

self dx is valid. that being said, if you have an opportunity to see a doctor, absolutely go do it. even if you don't think you actually have the thing. even if it's not that bad. even if it's not disabling. it doesn't hurt to have a medical professional look at your stuff

most importantly, be patient with yourself. most likely you have limitations other people don't, and that's okay. some people can run a marathon and for some walking from their room to their kitchen is a challenge, and neither is better/worse/more valid. physical weakness is not a personal flaw

#pls tell me if theres typos i double checked but yknow #long post #chronic illness #ref #not putting this under a cut btw #advice column #ira talks

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