i wish i could tell my friends how much i love them and think about them and miss them ALL THE TIME despite my perpetual absence

recently i found out i have adhd and i thought it'd be good to bring some awareness to it. i feel like a fair amount of people probably wonder why i dont post art that often, so im here to tell you why that is.

one major symptom of adhd is executive dysfunction. it makes preparing for tasks, prioritising tasks, starting tasks and finishing tasks really hard. this is the main thing that gets in the way of my artwork and it gets pretty frustrating as you might imagine. i often struggle to get started or finish a drawing no matter how motivated i am to do so. i end up procrastinating, but not of my own will, sitting down thinking to myself, pick up the stylus open the app i need to draw just draw already why cant i draw move. etc.

i get this paralysing feeling in so many areas of my life but the most frustrating part is when it gets in the way of my hobbies. but despite how little i post here you guys never complain, not even once.

i wish i was the type of artist who could post amazing art weekly or even daily but unfortunately at this rate im not.

so i just wanted to come on here and thank everyone for being so patient with me and being so supportive when i do post art, even if its not very often. :)

I relate to you on a molecular level. We’d be best friends but I am ✨severely mentally ill✨ which means I cannot cultivate friendships.

In another reality, my dear, you’re the friend circle where I finally belonged, but for now, I am content with experiencing you from afar.

Hello my alternate reality best friend! ☺️

I’m very neurodivergent myself, so that’s definitely something it can relate to! Interpersonal relationships can be hard and complicated and are often too much to handle. I can’t really offer advice since that’s something i myself still struggle with, but i wish you all the best in navigating your mental illnesses and hope they get easier to handle soon!

Thank you for the sweet comforting words!! In another reality i am giving you a hug and in this one i am hoping that experiencing me from afar can still bring you some comfort and happiness!

In either reality, I wish you all the best!

all of my favourite characters have bpd and autism and adhd and schizophrenia and

im inane in tha meme brain ova here.

Neurotypicals: "why do autistic people have trouble understanding us????"

Also neurotypicals: speak exclusively in riddles

question abt meds and yall’s eyes:

i’ve noticed that i get lots of different sorts of visual snow, like popping light dots and that static fuzz over everything (post for context), and this is a silly curiosity but my eyes don’t do it as much when i take adderall? same with that post about how ~neurotypicals can’t focus/unfocus their eyes (which 100% is an overgeneralization lmao but),~ i’ve always liked to do that when i’m bored and it’s really difficult on meds.

like, the getting-new-glasses metaphor for how medication feels in ur brain is super apt, but also everything does seem slightly, maybe, sharper visually?? idk? i’m not actually drawing conclusions here, but since both of these eye things have been connected to neurodivergence* on tumblr, and are affected by ~treatment~ for mine, pls someone validate my experiences lmk ur take

*(connected to, not an intrinsic part of or caused by; im not trying to spread misinfo or anything, this might 100% be me going:

but i wanna know bc its bugging me!!)

Hi

Due to the new series with Tom Holland in it, DID has been brought to my attention. I don't know much about the disorder except that there's apparently overlaps with BPD and considering other things I've read quickly about it, I guess it's safe to say it enters global Neurodiversity (as in people with DID think and their brain works differently, so it enters neurodiversity by a global definition)(it's complicated anyway so even if I like when things are ordered, life isn't, so boom, ND).

Long story short, I'll add a DID part in the ND masterpost, don't hesitate to do like usual and send me blogs/websites through reblogs, reactions or asks.

Add-on; no one should watch this series, here's are a few twitter thread about why. (The second link is in French) X X X

Things I’m Starting to Question About Myself:

- I’m obsessive about time, being on time, all the time. When I was in the fifth grade, my mother was a teacher who’s classroom was right across the hall from my teacher’s classroom, meaning it was impossible for me to ever be late. However, without fail, every morning, I would stand at my mom’s classroom door, with my backpack on my shoulders, 20 minutes ahead of the bell, watching the clock. I needed to be On Time, no earlier, no later.

At first, my mother thought this was cute, but when it was a repeated action, she commented on how odd and weird it was, “You’re going to be on time no matter what, Ash; you don’t need to stand at the door.” I tried to listen, tried to Not wait at the door, but it made me feel so uncomfortable and wrong that I would run to the door with my backpack anyways, vibrating and intensely looking at the clock.

When I start getting closer to the time I need to leave to go somewhere, I get increasingly agitated. My dad meanders slowly. “Dad, please, it’s time to go.” I’m bouncing on the balls of my feet by the front door. He frowns, “C’mon, Ash, you’re gonna be on time, there’s no need for that kind of passive aggressive behavior.” Except, I wasn’t trying to be rude or passive aggressive, I’m just so nervous. I need to be on time.

I caught pink eye once, since I hadn’t known to address how unwell I was feeling beforehand, my father only found out that morning. I made my sister late for school. I felt so guilty that I wasn’t even focused on myself being sick. I kept thinking all day “God, I’m so horrible. I made her late. I made her late. I made her late.” My sister doesn’t even remember this, yet I can’t get it out of my head.

I was only late for school once, In 8th grade. It wasn’t my fault and was excused immediately, but I started to cry as soon as I got to my first period classroom, shaking. My teacher had no idea what to do, so she sent me out to the hall to cry it out.

- I had a deep fascination for shipwrecks, but specifically the Titanic.

When I was in the third grade, I read one 3rd grade reading level book on the Titanic and I was hooked. I wanted to no everything about it. I needed to know. How many people died? When exactly did it sink? What was found? What are those rust stalagtites that cling on to the ship underwater now? How deep is the Mariana Trench? Absolutely everything.

I read every book I could find about the Titanic, even books far above my reading level. I would read read read read read. My parents were like, “Awwww our little reading genius,” but I didn’t really care or recognize the reading level, I just cared about the Titanic.

When a program would come on about the Titanic or any shipwreck, I’d be like “No no no leave this on!” I needed to see it. More information was welcome.

I found a book in a drawer at my grandparents house about the Titanic. I read it all night.

When the topic was introduced I would start vibrating in joy, and info dump. “Ash, I didn’t need to know all of that.” ....”.....Ah okay, sorry.”

Even today, when I see something like Drain The Oceans or some Titanic Documentary, I’m like “I’m watching this Right Now.”

- I’m “careless”, and by that I mean that I’ve been labeled as “clumsy”.

I’m prone to dropping things,or having things slip from my grasp. People get mad, “You need to learn to be more careful.” But I’m trying. I’m watching my hands, looking where I’m going, and I still fuck up somehow.

I don’t know how much pressure to apply to the fridge’s filtered water dispenser. I grab a glass and push, but it was too much pressure because the glass slips, and water gets all over the floor. It’s been the same refrigerator for years.

I suck at sports that require any sort of hand-eye-coordination. Basketball? I sprained my finger because the ball bounced back at me off the rim. Football? I throw, but it goes way off mark. It’s the same for frisbee, volleyball, and even speedball. Sports that don’t require that, like skiing, hiking, kayaking, backpacking, or biking are all things I excel at.

- When I get nervous or excited I start getting “bouncy”

Like I mentioned in the time segment, I bounce on the balls of my feet when agitated. When i’m excited, I need to make some kind of motion like finger flicking, foot and/or leg bouncing.

I make a lot of unnecessary lip movements too, although I desperately try to hide that one in public (so the masks are kind of nice right now i guess) because I’ve been told it looks very weird.

- Eye contact is an issue.

I can make eye contact with people, but it is THE absolute worst. I hate it. It makes me feel wrong, scared, agitated, and a little bit threatened. Usually I stop just short of eye contact for people so they think I’m looking at them, but I can semi-get away with looking at their mouth or nose.

- There are certain textures I can’t deal with. I touch it, or even think about touching it, and I immediately need to touch something else more agreeable.

Examples include: rubber (why I hate to wear crocs), any socks tbh I usually go barefoot, styrofoam, chalkboard.

Touching or thinking about touching those things makes me shake because I’m uncomfortable, and I need to go touch like....sandpaper or something.

- Noises

It’s difficult to say, but it’s very very specific sounds and volumes that bother me.

Similarly to touch, I also hate the sound of styrofoam. It grates on my nerves. My sister thinks it’s sooooooooo funny that I’m bothered by the sound, so when she has styrofoam she’ll start squeaking it together just to bother me. I’m not amused.

My dad didn’t understand it when he was walking on metal with crocs, and it made this horrible high-pitched squeal, that I was so unnerved that it caused me physical pain. I had to put my hands over my ears to block it out. He says I was overreacting.

My mom had the volume on her laptop up. I couldn’t even stay in the same room.

There are a lot of sounds you don’t really think about. The electrical hum of your computer, the fish tank slightly bubbling, a tree branch hitting the side of the house softly. You think it’s quiet, but it’s not.

Anyways, I have no idea if this means anything. I’m still trying to figure myself out.

why dont you stop talking about your hyperfixation and go hyperfix your relationship with your parents.

something fun I just learnt from my mum is that I apparently self-DXed accurately at 12 years old?

so my friend had gotten a diagnosis for ADHD-PH; he must have talked to me at school bc when I got home to my mum I said that I though I might have ADHD, since I felt like I aligned with the symptoms he described to me.

five years later I got a diagnosis for ADHD -PI, after self-DXing again with twitter and bringing it up to my therapist. Makes ya thunk.

upping my ritalin tomorrow, lets hope it does something.

found out coffee doesnt affect how much my meds work too, so that confirmed that the reason it worked so well on the first way was just because my body was just introduced to a new substance and it had nothing to do with the coffee i had that day. i just hope upping my meds at least helps a little bit, even if it doesnt help alot, just a little boost will be enough until i do find the right dose

Hi- cringe culture is inherently ableist, and I think we need to talk about it!!

me: *has ordered from starbucks by myself on many occasions and sometimes i even end up ordering for other people because i anticipated those situations ahead of time and was able to perform the task*

me: *thinks that walking into starbucks this time, my dad will order, and thus i don’t mentally prepare for it*

my dad: ok, ash, take my card and order

me, brain going immediately static: there’s coffee at home

Luz Noceda is canonically neurodivergent, confirmed by Dana Terrace Video Link

Timestamp: 1:07

OMG, let's fucking go . Stan our neurodivergent icon

Sonny: I'm telling you, molotov cocktails work.

Sonny: Any time I had a problem and threw a molotov cocktail, BOOM.

Sonny: Right away I had a different problem.

Nancy Drew + my roommate’s commentary

alright once more then i (might) shut up,

as a neurotypical or able bodied person, calling somebody “special abilities” instead of autistic, adhd, etc. or disabled is stripping that person of an identity

me crying because of bad noises, organizing everything in rainbow order obsessively, and collecting an insane amount of blue things is not a “special ability”. it is not a superpower. they are symptoms and part of my identity.

yeah, some neurodivergent people are super smart or really good with memory but guess what, so are some neurotypicals. Being really good with a Thing is not some out-of-this-world-can-never-be-understood-superpower, it is a symptom and also an outcome of genes

virtually no part of me would be left unscathed if somehow my ADHD was taken away, so it is part of my identity, my personality, how i see the world. SO, denying a person that label is denying a huge part of themselves.

nick doesn't have his memories but he still went to Nancy's house SOULMATERY