#Evan's Boring Rants

[dirkapitatedz0mbie]

Wdym "they aren't the same ship"...?

#evan's boring rants #dhmis #fluffybird #brograndpa #dirkjake #bro strider #dirk strider #grandpa harley #jake english #red guy #duck guy #duck dhmis #shitpost

[z0mbie-l0ve-juice]

i'm so tired of living wow i think rewatching slenderverse args will help!

#evan's boring rants #emh #everymanhybrid #slenderverse #marble hornets #tribetwelve #theres more im just lazy #this is a joke #im just having an edgy moment

[steelycunt]

I’m not saying that a lot of Regulus fans are only interested in him because they picture him as a Timothee Chalamet insert and wouldn’t give half a fuck about the character if that fancast didn’t exist but… oh wait that is what I’m saying.

yeah i mean. i definitely think there's something in that lol honestly. as ive said before i never really got the interest in regulus i just couldnt care less about the guy he genuinely has zero canon character but. simultaneously i can see how the little that we do know about him makes him an interesting character and i can see why people enjoy the idea of him as a blank slate that you can superimpose nearly any traits you want on to--treating regulus as essentially an oc gives you lots of room for creation. its for these exact reasons that he is of no interest to me personally, and i really don't like the common conceptualisation of him that has emerged from popular headcanon consensus (especially when it involves stripping his character of all agency and half the things that could arguably make him compelling in order to gloss over the fact that he was a death eater) but thats a matter of opinion i suppose. thats a me problem. its just not my cup of tea.

the timothee chalamet thing irritates me for the same reason the ridiculous instagram model/influencer/celebrity fancasts for most characters irritate me, because one of the ONLY things we know about regulus is that he is 'less handsome than sirius'. like ok why not work with that. especially with a character like him where there is virtually nothing to work with. like please explain to me why you refuse to accept that im genuinely curious. why is that the aspect of his character you are so firmly refuting lol.

all in all, if the character is only likeable or interesting or a convincing love interest if you have to pretend they were actually super conventionally attractive, maybe they're just not that likeable or interesting or well-suited to the character you're trying to pair them off with. its a personal thing again i am just not interested in reading/writing about a cast of characters who are all meticulously tailored to conform to beauty standards i do not respect. the minute u try to convince me all your characters are super hot n yassified it all feels less real to me sorry i care less about them. im bored of hot characters i think all fictional characters should be made to look like normal everyday people and i think everyone should be less afraid of so-called ugliness i triple dog dare u

#the 'you' here is just a general vague you btw it is not directed towards any one person and obviously not you anon we're in agreement #and reading it back i fear i may come off a little more aggressive than i intended so psa this is all my opinion like. do what you want #i am not the final word on this issue or any other. i am just a guy no 1 is obligated to listen to me if they dont want to. except about r #anyway remember talking to liv about the whole regulus thing and how. the personality that has been invented for him just seems like #people were bored of r/s they wanted something like r/s but new so they superimposed remus' personality onto him and then added a #few bits of sirius. and this is all me ranting about my opinion mindlessly now but i think #its reflected in those stupid terrible incorrect quote joke posts and how you see one of them where its remus and sirius and then see the #exact same post remade except remus has been changed to regulus and sirius has been changed to james. like yeah because regulus #is just a carbon copy of remus except if he was goth lol. we've done this one before its the same thing #and absolutely regulus can be done well and absolutely i am not a definitive judge of what is 'doing regulus well' just as no one else is #but i think if u want to do regulus well u have to make him less likeable. like he cant be ur soft loveable fav. girl he was a death eater #same as i think the whole barty / evan / regulus / pandora gang is just people refurbing the marauders. same thing different colour #anyway. i feel about regulus the same way i feel about dorcas or mary or marlene. they are not really characters #they dont have any definitive canon traits and i am not really interested in creating ocs. but other people might love that idea! #which is fine! #whew. love it when i get asks about things im scared to talk about of my own accord like i cant get in trouble if you guys asked me first x #anon #telegram #the brothers black #also girls he is a product of generation after generation of inbreeding. the black family should look like the windsors sirius was an #outlier. #oh also sorry i thought i was done but i want to clarify that i am no way saying you cannot be interested in morally grey characters or #find them compelling. instead what i am trying to say is that pretending a morally grey character actually isnt morally grey #in order to justify the fact that you are interested/fond of/compelled by them is boring and a disservice to your fav. hope that makes sens #within what we do know about regulus there are things that make him GOOD but not really anything that makes him likeable. and so much #of popular headcanon seems to be bestowing a ton of likeable traits upon him in order to redeem him despite there being no canon basis 4 it #like. we know regulus was a death eater 'it wasnt his decision he was forced into it!' we know regulus was less handsome than sirius 'no he #wasnt he was also super hot!' do you see what you're doing. you're losing me.

[fishybehavior]

are people just able to sit down and read boring books?

is that a thing people can actually do or is it just something we see on tv??

#i have almost never been able to read any sort of textbook #not well at least #non fiction unless its an interesting topic or is engaging #is literally unreadable to me #im not joking #i have had boring ass textbooks and i can get through like 2-5 pages in an hour #while i can read several chapters of a fiction book in the same amount of time #idk #*puts this down in I probably have adhd or something list* #i dont actually have a list #at least a physical one #tw rant in tags #evan has a life

[charlotties]

i just watched sharpay's fab adventure and im in LOVE, peyton is EXACTLY what sharpay deserves, and im glad she FINALLY got a happy ending!

as a resident sharpay stan since the ripe age of 5, im really happy with how much shes achieved since she graduated high school, a leading role IN NYC?? love.

if only everyone in hsm could see her now UGHHH

also i rewatched hsm 2 and finally watched hsm 3 and can i just say i hate kelsi so much. AND so many of these kids are just ungrateful?? they complained about the manager at the country club saying hes terrifying?? i have never met a more well mannered manager in my LIFE. fucking wish i had that type of manager at MY first job.

also YOU ALL WANTED JOBS??? WHY'RE ARE YOU COMPLAINING?? YOURE WORKING AT A COUNTRY CLUB WITH ALL YOUR FRIENDS?????????? AND ITS YOUR FIRST JOB?????

also taylor in hsm 2 was really stoking the fire cause first she tells gabriella that these weird rules her sister told her aboutig dating and then later on lies to gabriella saying troy asked for sharpays opinion on his new shoes. not to mention for some reason no one sees troys new position as an golf assistant as a good thing? bitch he has some sort of power now, FUCKING help your friends out to get into higher positions!! you have sharpay who will LITERALLY do your bidding.

not even talking about how much troy did change when put in a position with more freedom and power like thats all on him, how're are you NOT gonna help chad out????????????????? hes LITERALLY always talking about U of A and you just DON'T TELL THE BIG WIGS ABOUT HIM?????? thats on you bitch NOT sharpay.

#sharpay evans #hsm #i fucking LOVE sharpay #rant #long rant #sorry #also this seems like sharpay is writing this post #biased towards sharpay obv #ALSO KELSI GOT HER JOB AS A PIANIST AT THE CLUB #SHARPAY EVEN TOLD HER PERSONALLY ABOUT THAT YET SHE COMPLAINS ABOUT HOW ITS BORING #YOURE FUCKING LOVE SONGS ARE BORING #i am really heated sorry bout that

[atlasdoe]

Are we ever going to talk about how The Marauders fandom is physically unable to like a character unless they're flawless

this is kinda a rant so if your sensitive don't read but i've been seeing a pattern recently

like for example:

The headcannon that Sirius lost all of his friends and regretted the prank when in cannon nobody gave a shit apart from Snape

The headcannon that Mary obliviated herself turning into Dumbledore obliviating Mary. I swear people started noting how selfish it could be to erase the memories of your friends who died in a war and leave their orphaned son so the fandom had to change the headcannon so that Mary doesn't do it but Dumbledore does cause god forbid one of these characters actually does something shitty on their own accord

Any idea of Regulus, Barty or Evan going to Dumbeldore for help and Dumbledore rejecting them. Dumbledore would've jumped on having another Death Eater spy for him. When have we ever seen him turn anyone down???

Literally anything relating to Regulus Barty and Evan being forced to do things

I literally once saw somebody say "what if the only reason why Barty was with Bellatrix was because they were having a memorial for Regulus and he was innocent the entire time"

Any kind of excuse that people give for Remus marrying and impregnating Tonks only to run the moment responsibility crops up

Calling misogyny whenever a female character is a villain in a fic or whenever Lily or Tonks are bad mothers (i've talked about this before but fanfiction does not equal headcannons and just because Lily or Tonks or anyone is a bad parent in a fic or is villaised doesn't mean that the writer doesn't like the character or sees them as a bad person)

Ignoring that Evan was friends with Snape, Mulciber, Avery and Wilkes while at Hogwarts (people the fandom villainies)

Any excuse that anyone comes up with for what James and Sirius did in Snapes worst memory

i could go on and on but my point is that nearly every character in the marauders era that we have information on is in some way morally grey and i am so sick of seeing people excuse their actions or coming up with far fetched headcannons to make them more "likeable" I LIKE THEN FUCKED UP A LITTLE STOP MAKING THEM SO BORING

#like in fanfics i don't care do whatever you want #but headcannons are supposed to add onto cannon not replace it #and it's soooooo annoying to see y'all strip away these characters like this #I DONT EVEN LIKE THE MARY OBLIVIATING HERSELF HC #BUT I DESPISE DUMBLEDORE DOING IT #cause what does it do??? other then give this fandom another fake reason to hate a character we don't like anyway #the marauders #harry potter #the marauders era #marauders

[doll3tt33]

୨ৎ Kai Anderson SFW headcanons

Gonna start doing headcanons for the evans in between making bots cuz I’m bored lol. If you ever wonder how I perceive these characters while I make bots, then here you go!

A handful of these are just plain observations and maybe to some these are clear as day, but idk imma still include them either way

Warnings: misogyny.. duh, loaaads of Reddit mentions

• This might be indisputably obvious, but I feel like some ppl think of Kai as someone who always plans 10 steps ahead, which I personally don’t think so

Yes, he does have a goal in mind, but a lot of his “next moves” are just ideas that came to him in a fleeting moment. Of course, he’ll act as if he totally knew what he was doing this whole time, even though he was def freestyling 💀

I feel like calling him out on his lack of meticulous planning would be an absolute jab to his ego, and he’ll deny it big time

• Kai is the embodiment of what it means to be a pseudo-intellectual 😭😭. Like he isn’t stupid at all, no doubt about that (mans manipulated crowds). But his arrogant attitude, his shameless use of fallacies, AND the fact he’s a walking contradiction - all while trying to act like he’s the smartest guy in the room?? Bye-

Again, I think he’s smart but don’t tell me he doesn’t act like your average pseudo-intellectual guy who’d mansplain 24/7

• His tolerance to spicy food is actually weak, but he pretends like it isn’t. He could be coughing his lungs out from the tiniest hint of spice in his food, but he would refuse to drink a glass of milk to cool down. HES A MAN

• This is already kinda a given, but mans speech mannerisms is literally like the average Reddit comment section ((iykyk

I also feel like a rant he posted online has been made into a copypasta at some point lol

• Speaking of Reddit.. whenever he gets into an argument with another user on there (most likely a politically charged one), he’ll downvote every existing comment from that user and will proceed to do it to any of their future comments by keeping tabs on their account, all out of sheer spite

• He likes weird porn genres. Idk which ones exactly, but I just know they be really specific

• Says he likes submissive, obedient women whose sole existence is to serve him. But at the same time, he can’t stand people he deems as vapid, and would dispose of them once he begins to see them as more of a liability than an asset (especially if they’re just THAT annoying). He definitely would rather keep someone around who has more substance

• Kai would play devil’s advocate for any corrupt figure you could think of. He’s like… that guy

• This is also a given, but I’d like to stress that people don’t know how r/theredpill was his holy bible. The Kai we know today has applied all the must-know tips to his entire character and mastered the arts of misogyny 101

Oh and he has a bunch of motivational posts saved from there, and he rereads the crap out of them each time a “fEmAle” would piss him off

• If you knew Kai prior to his cult and were genuinely nice to him, he’d definitely have a teensy-weensy soft spot for you and would avoid killing you ((unless you end up in a situation like winter’s, cuz then…💀

You’d be like the Jean to his Patrick Bateman! 😭

#american horror story #ahs #ahs fandom #evan peters #kai anderson #Kai Anderson headcanons #kai anderson imagine #kai anderson x reader #kai anderson x y/n #kai anderson x you #kai anderson smut #tate langdon #tate langdon x reader #tate langdon x y/n #tate langdon x you #tate langdon smut #kit walker #kit walker x reader #kit walker x y/n #kit walker x you #kit walker smut #kyle spencer #kyle spencer x reader #kyle spencer x y/n #kyle spencer x you #kyle spencer smut #crazyfrm

[the-emeralds-incorrect]

Barty Crouch Jr — perception

Barty has a certain reputation around the school — on one hand, his father’s the head of DMLE and he’s from a prominent Light family, but on the other, he’s a Slytherin and best friends with the likes of Rosier and Black, known from being old and Dark families.

He’s also impulsive, and often gets into fights. He’s always arguing, quick to draw his wand, and rumoured to dabble in Dark Arts; in his fifth year, when he hits fifteen, almost nobody dares to cross him. The teachers don’t like him, and Filch outright seethes every time he sees him. He has gotten into detention more times than anyone can count, but never for a long time — he can keep his worse deeds quiet, after all.

After OWL results get released, nobody knows what his are. Half of the castle is quite shocked he didn’t get kicked out for failing every class, but the teachers start taking longer glances at him.

That passes after a few months, when every one of them realizes his record-breaking results will not transfer into him putting any actual work into class. Barty has an infuriating habit of not turning in homework, but since Hogwarts only counts in the end year exams for passing the class, they can’t do anything else than put him into detention for one more afternoon, and they gave up on that method around his fourth year, when it became clear it wasn’t working.

All in all, he’s pretty respected in his house, and very much feared in the others. He enjoys his reputation. He knows it infuriates his father, which is always an appreciated bonus, and will establish himself as trustworthy amongst the Dark families. His friends can vouch for him, but Barty likes having a guarantee.

Nobody knows how he and Regulus fall into the same bed — first after nightmares, even in first year, when both of them needed every bit of comfort they could get, then after Sirius leaves and Regulus wakes up in the middle of the night screaming, and finally every single night, and Barty can finally bury his face in Regulus’ neck and breathe in his scent and think /he’s mine and only mine, forever/. On the other side of the room Evan laughs at them, mutters something about them finally stopping pining after years, but Barty knows he’s genuinely happy for them. They leave the empty bed in case either Dorcas, Pandora, or both want to stay the night.

Nobody knows what his plans are after Hogwarts. He aced his OWLs, the first 12 O’s in the history of the school — he guesses he should be proud of that, but really, he did it because he was bored — and to beat his father’s 10 O’s and 2 EE’s. Nobody knows how many NEWTs he plans to take, and neither does he. He will most likely decide last minute, just like he did before. Nobody knows how quickly his brain memorizes knowledge and forgets the most basic deadlines.

Nobody knows how his father treats him, how he treated mama when she was alive. Nobody knows how the ring on his right middle finger was once hers, a promise ring she got from her family before they all died, before she had to leave the country, before she got married and wasted her life. Nobody knows she taught him her language, how he calls Regulus kochanie just as she called him, with love dripping out of every single letter.

Nobody knows, except him and his friends. They know.

They know the way he lets Regulus and Evan rant about quidditch despite having no passion for the sport himself. How he can duel freely with Dorcas, because they’re always on the same level, how they keep track of who won and how they’re almost always tying the score. How Pandora tells him about her most recent experiments, asks him to help her with the next one — meaning to help him steal the ingredients needed for potions from Slughorn — and how he always agrees.

And he’s more than fine with all of that. Barty Crouch Jr likes his secrets and will continue to have them. He will keep it secret when he murders his father with his friends by his side. He will keep it secret when he threatens Sirius no-longer-Black with the Cruciatus curse if he ever dares to hurt Regulus’ feelings again, even show his face to the current Black heir. How he will make Regulus the current Black Lord if his parents dare to coerce him into doing something he will regret for the rest of his life for the sake of the family.

He will not, however, keep it secret when he marries his darling Regulus. He will not keep it secret when he exposes (after the bastard’s death) his father for every type of abuse that fell into their family. He will not keep it secret when he buries the name Crouch under the ground, and takes his husband’s.

Barty, as every (future) Black, has a flare for dramatics, after all.

#barty crouch jr #bartylus #the emeralds #slytherin skittles #regulus black #starkiller #I love them your honor #hp #harry potter #marauders era #marauders #dead gay wizards #barty x regulus #Evan’s character rants

[annabtg]

You portray Sirius as this stud muffin that everyone was tripping over. It’s kinda vain as a women. Sirius not being able to recognize that his best friend/brother was in love with Lily Evans? Bruh, please. The whole fucken school knew. Sirius doesn’t have tattoos and he’s pretty much asexual in canon from what we know. Not in your fics because he’s fanon and not canon.

I shouldn't even publish this ask, because people will laugh at your lack of reading comprehension, but you started it and I love talking Sirius so here's a breakdown of your seven deadly sins:

1. You completely failed to understand the assignment. Fanon doesn't mean "written by a fan". Fanon means a prevalent version of a character or event which is not supported by canon. Fanon Sirius is a very specific phenomenon, ranted about by @artemisia-black here and summarized by me here. You have failed to provide any examples from my writing that allude to such a portrayal of Sirius.

2. Instead, you complained about my portrayal of Sirius and called it fanon, providing (a pathetic excuse of) examples that aren't anywhere in the fanon version of Sirius and are in fact much closer to canon Sirius. You might have been trying to call my Sirius OOC, but you're probably like twelve and have yet to learn your fandom terminology.

3. "You portray Sirius as this stud muffin that everyone was tripping over" that's canon actually. JKR goes out of her way to tell us how handsome and attractive he was pre-Azkaban every time it comes up:

His face wasn't sunken and waxy, but handsome, full of laughter. (Prisoner of Azkaban)

Sirius was lounging in his chair at his ease, tilting it back on two legs. He was very good-looking, his dark hair fell into his eyes with a sort of casual elegance neither James's nor Harry's could ever have achieved, and a girl sitting behind him was eyeing him hopefully, though he didn't seem to have noticed. (Order of the Phoenix)

Sirius stared around at the students milling over the grass, looking rather haughty and bored, but very handsomely so. (Order of the Phoenix)

(I'll stop here because I don't have my books with me and digging up the quotes is proving difficult.)

4. "It's kinda vain as a women" Can You Even English, Bro. Are you saying that I describe Sirius as a person who is as vain as a woman? If so you're not only incorrect, but also sexist.

5. "Sirius not being able to recognize that his best friend/brother was in love with Lily Evans?"

We're talking about My Best Friend's Girl, right? Here's the quote you've been searching for:

Sirius had sometimes thought that James might fancy Lily. He had caught him staring at her, he had noticed something particular in his tone of voice when he spoke to her; and yet, every time he had asked him, James had vehemently denied it.

And because I can't shut up about this story, here's another quote from that same scene:

“D’you think she likes you?”

“We’ll find out.” He grabbed another handful of beans out of the packet in his backpack and stuffed them in his mouth, watching James intently. He had returned to his studying, but he looked vexed. “D’you think I shouldn’t?” he asked.

“Who am I to stop you?” James muttered, his eyes still on his book.

Sirius shrugged to himself. If James insisted on taking it all in stride, he wasn’t going to miss his chance with a beautiful girl on a hunch.

Sirius is not stupid. He knows James has a thing for Lily. But it's not his place or his responsibility to do anything about that for a James that won't so much as acknowledge it to his best friend. And he definitely doesn't think that, just because James likes Lily, Lily shouldn't go out with anyone. She's a free girl and she can like a boy if she wants to, including one whose best friend has a crush on her. Bad luck, Prongs.

(I could talk at length about everyone's behaviour in this fic but I'd rather do that in a separate post and not in one addressing a rude anon.)

6. "Sirius doesn't have tattoos" Still waiting for any quote from any of my stories where he has a tattoo.

7. "he's pretty much asexual in canon from what we know" lack of a sexual relationship ≠ asexual. Your interpretation is not the only valid one.

Final grade: L for LURK MOAR.

#rude anon #sirius black #anti fanon sirius #my best friend's girl

[fortheloveofbuddie]

Fuck It Friday 👀

Yall I am off for the next three weeks and I got up early with my girlfriend and I just whipped nearly 6k words for the omegaverse office romance fic 🥹 Hopefully I’ll be able to continue at this rate and finish this fic before I have school again 🤞🏻

I was tagged by the ever lovely @wikiangela @theotherbuckley @diazsdimples and @daffi-990 💋

(Story and tags under cut because this one is long and heavy 🫢)

Unexpectedly, his father grabs his right wrist hard and almost forcefully, making Buck’s body freeze on the spot and he’s pulled back into a feeling that he hasn’t wanted to feel since he was 13 and reached puberty.

The feeling of apparently being the biggest disappointment of his parents life because he turned out to be an omega. He was always small but his parents were hoping and praying that it would somehow magically change over night. But then he experienced his first heat and it was painful, embarrassing and uncomfortable. Yet not more uncomfortable than his parents who from that moment on kept reminding him that he was worth nothing to this family, that he would never be able to carry on the Buckley legacy because when he would marry, he would take another man’s name instead of giving it. How he wasn’t normal for being an omega, how he would always stand out in a crowd and that life would be made indefinitely harder for him - just because of the way that he was born.

Well, he didn’t fucking ask for it.

Hot tears threaten to fall as his father just stares at him, not a soul in sight but he keeps his back straightened, not allowing his true feelings to show but once again, his omega is trying to get out. “You’re not married. How surprising. Who would even want you? You’re damaged goods” His father gestures towards his stomach and Buck can feel his lip quivering, biting down on it so hard that a faint metallic taste starts to spread in his mouth.

“I can’t believe that you would do this to yourself. Why would you make yourself stand out even more? If you’re going to be a whore, then at least protect yourself” His dad continues his rant, fingers boring into the side of Buck’s wrist. He wants to retract it, to pull it closer to himself and to protect himself, to protect the baby but he can’t. He can’t do anything else than just take it.

“Do you even know who the father is, Evan? Do you?” His father yanks at his wrist, making Buck whimper in both pain and surprise, unable to keep the tears at bay, he lets them fall as he stares at the ground. “Answer me. Right. Now” His father raises his voice and Buck can feel his body shake, threatening to send him into a panic attack and so he finally nods.

“Y-...yes” is the first word out of his mouth in what feels like an eternity. The pressure from his fathers grip seems to loosen but it doesn’t last more than a few seconds before he grips onto it so tightly that he can feel the blood flow slowly being cut off, whitening his entire hand.

“Does he know that you’re pregnant? Did you tell him? Or are you just going to keep that to yourself like you did with us? Does he even love the baby? Did you ask if he wanted this baby without being married?” There’s so many questions out of his dads mouth that he barely has time to register them all in his brain. “Actually, I’m surprised that someone was able to spend enough time with you to get you into this mess. You’re such a disappointment to this family, Evan. Ungrateful and unlovable”

And then it finally sets in. Buck is able to rip his hand from his fathers grip, almost losing his balance as he does so but manages to steady himself. With a breaking but somehow firm voice, he says “He doesn’t know. And that’s because of you. Because I was so afraid of this, of disappointing you again but you know what?”. He stops to take a deep breath in, wiping his eyes with the back of his hand.

“This baby is so loved and cared for. I love him and his other father loves him just as much, if not more than me. And you fucking broke me. I have hated myself for years because of you! I haven’t told the baby’s father that it’s his baby. I’ve lied to him because of you! Because I know what you would think of me, I know-... I know that you hate me but someone does love me. And someone loves this baby in the ways that you should have loved me!”

Tagging!! @disasterbuckdiaz @watchyourbuck @giddyupbuck @honestlydarkprincess @cal-daisies-and-briars @butraura @spotsandsocks @athenagranted @hippolotamus @wildlife4life @thewolvesof1998 @devirnis @captain-hen @lover-of-mine @fionaswhvre @jesuisici33 @evanbegins @steadfastsaturnsrings 🦋💗

#buddie #eddie diaz #evan buckley #911 on abc #buddie wip #fortheloveofbuddie writes #fic: corner office consequences

[dirkapitatedz0mbie]

Okay but can you imagine if Bro and Grandpa Harley were a thing

Those poor kids...

#evan's boring rants #Idk #Bro Strider #Grandpa Harley #Dirk Strider #Jake English #JakeDirk #DirkJake #BroGrandpa

[z0mbie-l0ve-juice]

EXPLODES

#emh #evan's boring rants #everymanhybrid #evan myers #vinnie everyman #vincent everyman #vinny everyman #AAAAAA #not gay tho i swear

[wastelandmoony]

Déjà Vécu: Chapter Twenty-Three

Chapter Twenty-Three : Fear and Trembling

Summary: Christmas at the Potters'.

Characters: Remus Lupin/Reader, Sirius Black/Reader (no use of y/n), James Potter, Petter Pettigrew, Regulus Black, Marlene McKinnon, Mary MacDonald, Lily Evans

Warnings: 18+ Only, Minors DNI; language, violence, gore, abuse.

Déjà Vécu Masterlist

Companion Playlist

Read on AO3

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

December 21st, 1975

Sirius’ trunk thumped down the tower steps, echoing loudly against the stone walls. He’d be scowling for what seemed like the entire week, ever since the owl arrived during breakfast one morning with a letter demanding his presence home for Christmas. He had immediately incinerated it at the table, icy glare locked onto Regulus across the Great Hall. The Potter’s had invited everyone to stay for the entire break, and the plan had been for the five of them to have two weeks of carefree living, playing quidditch in the garden and eating their weight in Euphemia Potter’s cooking.

“C’mon mate,” James tried to placate his best friend as Sirius dropped the trunk with a loud thud onto the common room floor, the rest of them waiting around with their own belongings for the journey home. “You won’t be missing much, it’ll be the same as last year: mum will cook Christmas dinner, we’ll all sit around and open gifts, and then—“

“—you’ll all laugh, and play games, and not be forced into some stuffy outfit to be paraded around to your extended family?” Sirius groaned, “Ugh, I’m going to be bored out of my mind!” 

She knew he wasn’t just worried about the boredom. Though his family had seemed to write him off for the past few years, something still didn’t sit right with her. 

Sirius continued his moping through the entirety of the train ride back to London, never breaking the grimace plastered on his face even after the numerous attempts by all of them to cheer him up. As they filed onto the King’s Cross platform, she discreetly took his hand and squeezed it. He looked back at her, expression never faltering as he pulled away and began to head towards his mother and younger brother.

“See you in two weeks,” he didn’t look back.

She wasn’t going to let Sirius’ bad attitude ruin their break, and it seems like the boys shared a similar sentiment. The moment they arrived at Potter Manor, James brought them upstairs to their rooms, chatting excitedly with Remus about a new prank idea he wanted to test out in the garden later.

After briefly unpacking, she wandered down the hall to James’ bedroom, finding him lounging against the headboard reading a quidditch magazine. She flopped down beside him and sighed.

“Alright?” He asked, tossing the magazine onto the quilt.

“I’m worried about Sirius,” she muttered, “Do you think he’s okay?”

James didn’t seem the least bit perturbed by the entire situation. “Yeah, he’s just being a moody git. You’ve seen how his family’s been the past few years, they just ignore him. I think they’ve given up.”

“Then why force him to come home now? Why not just let him do whatever he wants?” She couldn’t explain it, but something deep in her gut didn’t feel right.

James shrugged, “Who knows, maybe they just missed him?” 

She snorted, “I’m not sure Walburga is capable of that emotion.”

James laughed as he got up, “He’ll be fine. The only thing we have to worry about is the ranting we’ll have to endure when we all get back to school. I bet he doesn’t stop talking about how much he hates them until May.”

With an audible crack, the Potter’s house elf apparated into the room with a little curtsy. 

“Your mother wished me to tell you that dinner is ready,” they said. 

“Thank Merlin, I’m starved,” James exhaled, walking down the hall to grab the other two boys from Remus’ room. 

———

December 25th, 1975

They were swimming in gift wrap and glitter. The Potter’s sitting room was littered with torn paper, boxes and ribbon strew about, while plates and plates of baked goods covered the coffee table. Euphemia and Fleamont sat by the fireplace watching them open gifts, her parents having sent some as well. Remus leaned over to hand her a cup of tea as James stood up from the couch.

“I have one last present for you,” he said as he jogged out into the hall.

A few seconds later, his voice carried from the next room, “Close your eyes!”

Bewildered, and slightly afraid, she reluctantly shut both eyes. She could hear him reenter the room, followed by the crunch of gift wrap underfoot as he made his way to where she was seated. 

“Hold out your hands,” the excitement in his voice was barely contained.

Palms up, she waited, finally feeling smooth, polished wood against her skin. Her eyes shot open as she took in the broom on her lap, James standing above her with the biggest smile on his face. 

“I didn’t wrap it, because I’m shit at it, sorry about that—“ he started.

She was speechless. Though she was on the Hufflepuff Quidditch team, she always just borrowed one of the school brooms, never wanting to bother her parents with the added expense of buying an entirely new one. So far, it had served her just fine. 

“Jamie…this is…this is too much,” she shook her head, “you shouldn’t have spent so much money on this, I don’t need—”

“Yes you do. I can’t keep watching you fly on one of those shit school ones, you’ll have much better control on this. And it wasn’t just me, we all contributed to this.” 

She looked around the room, Remus and Peter smiled, the former giving a confirming nod as tears began to blur their faces. 

“Thank you, I don’t even know what to say.”

“Just promise me you won’t tell anyone who gave it to you. If Marlene or the rest of the them find out I helped another team, they’ll kill me,” James said, face completely serious. 

She choked a laugh, wiping away a stray tear, “Deal.”

“So…drills then?” He raised his eyebrows.

She smiled, “…Go on.” 

Euphemia called after the four of them as they ran out back to the garden, “Don’t forget dinner is at 6!”

———

Christmas afternoon was spent outside in the crisp December air, trying to get used to how a capable broom handled. James was right, she was so much quicker and more agile with this one. Maybe this year, Hufflepuff would at least be a contender for the cup. 

Fleamont came outside as the sun was setting and ushered them all in for dinner, no one bothering to change out of their muddied clothes, not that the Potter’s minded.

After dessert, they all retired to the sitting room again, James and Peter breaking out the deck of Exploding Snap, while Euphemia tidied up the kitchen, and Remus and Fleamont read quietly.

“I’m going to change and then I’ll join you,” she said, excusing herself up to the bedroom, dying to be free of her grass-stained jeans. 

Pulling on the new sweater Mrs. Potter had given her that morning, and a pair of Remus’ old pajama pants she had stolen last year, she rifled through her trunk for the book she had brought. As she reached into the furthest corner, a crack echoed from downstairs, followed by screams.

“Help! Get Mum!” James’ voice filled her ears as she careened down the stairs towards the sitting room. 

Leaping from the bottom of the staircase, she rounded the corner and saw Euphemia and Fleamont bent over next to the fireplace, the three boys hovering around them. James was beside himself, paler than she’s ever seen him and pulling at the roots of his hair.

She saw the blood near Mrs. Potter’s knelt legs before she saw the body. 

Euphemia looked up at her husband, voice calm but filled with urgency, “He’s lost a lot of blood, Monty…”

Mr. Potter nodded, “I’m going to notify St. Mungo’s and send an owl to Dumbledore.” He swiftly left the room as she passed through the doorway.

“Is he going to be okay, Mum?” James was crying. 

Remus heard her footsteps and met her eyes. There was fear there. Pure, unfiltered fear. She’d never seen that in his face, even after his worst transformations.

“James, darling, help me move him upstairs to the extra bedroom,” Euphemia motioned for her son and Remus to help lift the body from the floor.

As Mrs. Potter rose to her feet, she saw Sirius lying on the wooden floor unconscious, bleeding profusely from his head.

#remus lupin x reader #remus lupin angst #remus lupin fanfiction #remus lupin fluff #marauders era fanfiction #harry potter fanfiction #marauders fanfiction #marauders fic #sirius black fanfiction #sirius black x reader #sirius black angst #sirius black imagine #sirius black fic #marauders x reader #remus lupin x you #sirius black x you #james potter fluff #Sirius Black slow burn

[rewritingcanon]

marauder characters red flags teehee

james: one of them rich, only children who tries to cosplay poverty. like he will live in a share house when he doesnt need to, eat two minute noodles every day when he doesnt need to, complain about his rent when he can totally afford it, and repost sibling media but will tag his friends instead ☠️

lily: has y/n syndrome

sirius: not a surprise to anyone, but he will do the most heinous thing and will say ‘it was just for laughs 🤷‍♂️’ when questioned about it

remus: SO niche but is the type of bitch to run the socialist club and hold meetings but to get in the entry fee will be like $60

peter: type to say “that’s ok. no one really likes me anyways 🚶‍♂️” when he gets rejected (he’s actually being genuine about it…. which is still icky tbh)

severus: no skincare routine, no hair care routine… seriously eating two meals a day and sleeping seven hours a night his idea of self care

regulus: gatekeeps anything he likes and if he finds out you have a shared interest with him…… be prepared for 28 questions to prove you’re a ‘real fan’.

barty: type to scratch his butt and then sniff his hand

evan: type to ask for a whimper audio. or ask for a thug shake.

marlene: would ransack a church. probably would do it during a sermon too

dorcas: purposefully puts on a mommy voice for clout💀💀

mary: you’re ranting to her but she always has to give you advice. and then she asks you ‘was my advice good? everyone says my advice is the best ☺️’

emmeline: will cook/bake you something bc she wants to do something nice for you but everything she makes is literally poisonous and will give you food poisoning (and she manages to do this by accident every time, which is even more impressive)

lucius: would call someone a peasant, and it may seem like he’s just teasing, but he quite literally isn’t. he fucking hates the poor.

narcissa: thinks gaslighting is a love language

fabian: when asked ‘do i look fat in this?’ he just laughs. he wont even answer you. he’ll just laugh

sybill: will think she’s oppressed because people dont like her being a seer 🥺

alice: will offer to cut her friend’s hair and will give them the most ugly ass cut of their life

frank: posts gym workout photos on his ig

pandora: people talk about the ‘2020 cringe era’ but in all truth thats just her rancid personality

xenophilius: is an adult with bracers. his name is also xenophilius 🤮

petunia: is the type to ask in a really scarily angry tone “im sorry, am i boring you?” if you yawn around her whilst she’s talking

gilderoy: would say some insane type of shit when doing his makeup like “mirror mirror on the wall” or something. and be lowkey serious about it. he’s fucking delulu bro.

#all based on. icks that i have. idk. couldnt just stop at golden trio and next gen characters could i? #i forgor i had this in my drafts. characters like andromeda and bellatrix are pre-marauders in my head so they go in a diff post.. #hp #marauders #james potter #lily evans #severus snape #sirius black #remus lupin #peter pettigrew #regulus black #barty crouch jr #evan rosier #marlene mckinnon #dorcas meadowes #emmeline vance #mary macdonald #lucius malfoy #narcissa black #fabian prewett #sybill trelawney #frank longbottom #alice longbottom #alice fortescue #pandora lovegood #xenophilius lovegood #petunia dursley #petunia evans #harry potter #rewriting

[ipoxcky]

🕷️

spider-verse_headcanons

MILES MORALES:

whenever he gets nervous/embarrassed, he'll turn part of himself invisible, like maybe he'll stick his hand in his pocket and make it go invisible

SCENARIO: at the college admissions office, rio would tell the lady, "he makes sure that he recites his time tables every night so that he can't mess up on those challenging calculus problems!" and then he would do the invisible thing and go "stop, mami, she doesn't need to know that..."

he'll also put his head on the desk with his hood up and turn his face invisible in school if he's bored

he would probably also do that when he's crying

did the invisible hand thing with fake blood to prank ganke on april fools, ganke freaked out and almost called an ambulance before miles told him it's a prank

had a shoe-collecting phase at some point

aggressively tender headed bc his hair is always nappy from putting on the suit and his mom goes CRAZY with the comb

got little twists in his head when he was younger, but now he keeps it out. his mom will still twist his hair occasionally just for fun and he hates it

secret SoundCloud rapper whose account has like 20 followers and it's him just freestyling. the only person he told about the acc was uncle aaron who's his number one fan

PAVITR PRAHABKAR:

always pulls the "is it bc i'm _____?" card, ESPECIALLY with hobie just to mess with him and hobie would go "don't chat to me mate i don't even like the u.k. myself"

talks with his hands definitely

has seen every romance movie known to man and forces the others to watch them with him if they can

VERY facially expressive, throws the STANKIEST faces at people he doesn't like, yes he's good at reading others but it doesn't take much to read him

falls over when something shocks him bc it's like his little joke

laughs to himself a lot but doesn't tell anyone why

knows a bunch of horror stories on command, the first spiderpeople sleepover he freaked everyone out and miles couldn't sleep without the light on

just dance GOD

can raise both eyebrows individually

GWEN STACY:

had an agressive minecraft phase when she was 8 where she got the creeper hoodie and never took it off

definitely had a full pixie cut at some point

theater kid, definitely goes to watch broadway shows with her dad every so often, has met famous people because of it, her favorite one is probably dear evan hansen (idk i haven't seen it)

ben platt worshipper

drums on anything she can get her hands on

music blaster

tried electric guitar for a blip of a moment

morning person, stretches anywhere and everywhere

her favorite thing is DESTROYING pointe shoes because she can take out all her anger. this one time it got to a point where after her shoe destroying sesh she started crying because she didn't realize she had so much pain built up inside her

tutu hater

takes french and already knows a ton from ballet

wheeze laugher

pastel note taker

really pretty handwriting when she tries, chicken scratch when she doesn't

HOBIE BROWN:

surprisingly good american accent

knows a bunch of magic tricks to entertain kids experiencing homelessness on the street

headphones always on so they're absolutely demolished and holding on for dear life, too bothered to get a new pair

REALLY good with kids, does anything to help them preserve their childhood because he feels like his was gone too quickly

good whistler

beats everyone in board games

knows a lot about politics for someone who doesn't rlly like them

can judge people's character based on first glance

black nail polish never leaves his fingers

goes on really long rants about the state of the world

reads self help + philosophy books

hops the subway/metro thingy

lips always moisturized, but his hands and knees r lowkey ashy sometimes (i'm blk it's okay y'all)

doesn't drink soda

tries to be vegetarian because of the stuff he's seen (worked at a fast food restaurant and was grossed out about the stuff they were serving), that and he loves animals so

natural remedy kind of guy who would drink chlorophyll water

dreams of being a tattoo artist

uses sound effects of random things in his music, raps/sings his poetry about capitalism and stuff

keeps tin jars and cans

doesn't kill bugs and instead lets them go free

#across the spiderverse #spiderman #into the spider verse #miles morales #gwen stacy #hobie brown #spider punk #pavitr prabhakar #atsv #spiderman atsv #spoiler free #headcanons

[hazardparadox]

Pushing my 'Dorlene is Jegulus' and 'Rosekiller is Wolfstar' agenda because I'm bored and I want fic recs (pls. I need angsty dorlene or rosekiller or both fic recs)

Dorlene + Jegulus:

Enemies to Lovers trope fr. You got the Hot Slytherins and Extroverted but flustered around said Slytherin Gryffindors. And they both have so much ANGST like??? Jegulus angst hurts so much worse, but Dorlene angst hits you out of NOWHERE. Because for Jegulus you know it's gonna end sad but with Dorlene you think it's gonna end happy but then you remember this is the Marauders era and it's a Slytherin x Gryffindor so it's gonna end in pain, pain and more pain.

Rosekiller + Wolfstar

Best friends to lovers trope. Honestly they are so different but so alike at the same time??? Trouble maker who will eventually realise they are in love and the person who both encourages and discourages the trouble who was in love the whole time. I love both ships but cmon. Rosekiller is just- its so much better (don't you dare argue with that. you know I'm right) I mean, sure, Wolfstar is angsty and all with the prank and Azkaban but the hc that Barty went insane after Evan died is just- nothing can beat that. Rosekiller as death eaters and Evan dies and Barty goes insane is the best plot. Idc what anyone says it so is.

Thanks for listening to me rant about how much I love Dorlene and Roskiller :)

#my opinion #dont take it too seriously #love wolfstar and jegulus but rosekiller and dorlene is just- #yknow? #the marauders #marauders #remus lupin #sirius black #jegulus #regulus black #james potter #marauders era #wolfstar #rosekiller #evan rosier #barty crouch jr #dorlene #dorcas meadowes #marlene mckinnon