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thedreadvampy · 2 years

Note

If your skirt post is like A Genuine Question and not just ramble (feel free to ignore me), here are non-gender-related reasons I prefer trousers over skirts:

- I am fashion-wise incredibly challenged which means I do not understand how to wear a skirt in a way that looks good. I have tried many times and I just cannot figure it out. How do combine skirt with torso wear I do not get how y'all do this. (dresses are the easiest fashion option but they have other disadvantages obvsly)

- how am I supposed to find leggins/tights that are both warm enough and look good I can't do it

- I also cannot sew like at all so the pocketd thing is actually very much an issue and if I do have a skirt that has large enough pockets from the start as soon as I put like a key and a pocket knife in there it'll drag the skirt halfway down my hips?? (or it won't but it'll feel like it)

- skirts are in my experience notoriously bad at having useful belt loops. I need belt loops :(

If you have solutions for these (unless they involve "get good at understanding how to make clothes look good" bc that ship has sailed lol) please I'd love to appreciate skirts more

I cannot answer all of these satisfactorily and will admit. my argument is very ideal-world based. I think if we let go of the idea that skirts are feminine and thus impractical we would rapidly solve many of them.

point by point:

Styling a skirt:

the thing is there are a billion sorts of skirt so this is highly dependent on what you're looking for and what your body type is.

however I will say the number one mistake I think novice skirt wearers tend to make is wearing them at the same waist height as trousers (around the hips) and while many skirts are cut that way they're a lot harder to style imo. If it sits above the hip, most of the way up your belly, whether or not that's where your waist is, that's both more comfortable and easy more flexible with tops because on most people it will look pretty good to just tuck a shirt or t-shirt into that.

tops can be tucked into skirts or worn over them. I think a jumper with a long skirt looks good (although I'm not a big long skirt person myself bc I am. A Slut. and also bc I get tangled up in anything past mid calf) and personally I like a baggy t-shirt tucked into a fitted skirt or a tight t-shirt or camisole tucked into a pleated or flared skirt. also crop tops are usually a win if you're confident in them.

my advice for getting comfortable with trying out the tops you already own with skirts would be: if you get something straight cut, with a wide waistband, in a relatively sturdy fabric like denim or canvas, and in a neutral colour like black or blue, it should look good with anything you'd wear the same colour jeans with. eg (any length):

I think people are often intimidated by skirts because they're seen as like. Fashion Clothes. but anything that looks good with trousers, like, it might not look good with Every Skirt but there will be as many skirts as trousers it suits.

and in the same way you find a style of trousers you're likely to keep defaulting to you will probably find as you go there's a style and length that's very in your comfort zone and goes with your style. for me it's mid-thigh black skater/circle skirts, I own like 5 variations on that theme and on me it goes with everything.

also people who sell dresses as the solution to the top thing are built different to me. I have sweaty pits I can't be having 20 dresses in constant wash rotation. drawer full of interchangeable t-shirts and a skirt or two that you wash if it gets dirty, that's the way to do it. If you need work clothes, almost any skirt will go with a black or white button up shirt. you probably want to tuck that in though.

Good leggings/tights

It's a puzzler, and one that has taken years to figure out for myself. I tend to go for pretty boring black leggings and I fucking hate tights bc they're always the wrong length and if they sit right at the waist they crush my toes. plus Hole In Toes is even worse in tights than socks. so my advice is:

look for 'slip shorts' to protect your thighs- you want cotton or lycra. BEWARE. shapewear will disguise itself as slip shorts. it lies. you want comfort not a corset.

couple these with any annoying legwear. putting them over tights will stop the crotch falling down. put them under leggings if you, like me, find you keep wearing through the inner thigh of leggings and trousers.

in terms of good warm leggings - do your shopping in autumn/winter and look for thermal leggings/long underwear. don't cancel me for Fast Fashion Crimes but Primark periodically do these faux-fur lined winter leggings/footless tights which are SO GOOD, they last ages and have a nice high snug waist and cuffed ankles. I go full skirt in winter most years bc if you find good thermal leggings it's SO MUCH WARMER than trousers and much easier to layer.

if you find legwear that works for you BUY SEVERAL PAIRS. it's a constant ballache finding good leggings so snap them up while you know where.

If you're wearing tights or standard non-thermal leggings, I swear I am not spreading some e-girl agenda but knee-high/over-the-knee socks are great, they'll keep the bits of your legs that are most vulnerable to cold nice and toasty. On my legs knee highs tend to roll down so what I usually do is just fold the top over (like turning up jeans cuffs) and then they stay put.

Pockets

Yeah it's an issue 😠 fashion is stupid and the usual solution of 'shop in the men's section' tends not to apply. there are styles of skirt that are more likely to have pockets (a lot of the big poodle-skirt retro style alternative skirts do, so do most suspender skirts and about half of the denim skirts you tend to find) but yeah it's an ongoing battle. and the curse of the fake pocket is a constant threat. (also I have a couple of skirts which do, technically, have pockets, but they're loose skirts with shallow patch pockets so every time you sit down everything you own rains onto the floor)

I have no solutions for this except checking pockets vigilantly before I commit to buying skirts. I do sew but I'm usually too lazy/scared of ruining it to get around to putting pockets into skirts I didn't make, so I just commit to not buying any skirt without satisfying myself on its pockets first.

this is where we're in Ideal World thinking bc this is to my mind an issue of skirts being treated as exclusively fashion clothing/feminine clothing and in a world where we treated skirts as utility clothing I think there'd be more pocket options.

my only other advice is I recommend not buying skirts specifically at fast fashion places if you want pockets, you're a lot more likely to find pockety skirts in indie/alternative shops (and in charity/second hand shops from the people who can afford to buy from indie/alternative shops). this isn't me on my high horse btw most of what I wear is Primark or H&M bc I Have Been Poor Most Of My Adult Life buuuut the hunt's generally more successful not in high street shops.

Pockets (part deux)

if it feels like the skirt's dragging down, it's probably a waistband issue. I have had that issue on skirts which are a bit too loose or have an elastic-only waistband (like those floaty summer skirts where the waistband is just a tube with a loop of elastic through it) and it's a sensory nightmare.

What works for me is:

always choosing skirts with a proper waistband (2+cm wide, somewhat firm, ideally flat rather than scrunched up around elastic) which fit snugly and sit solidly above the hip.

only choosing skirts with some sort of closure. don't fall prey to the siren song of the slip-on skirt bc if it will slip on it will slip off. All my skirts have a zip, a lace, buttons, hooks, buckles, in one case I just safety pin it around my waist...the key thing here is that while you're not like. squeezing yourself. you can fasten it so it sits tight at the waistband and looser in the rest of the skirt

It is mostly a fit issue and most people I've talked to have found styles that don't give them these issues. However. It may well be quite body-dependent - I'm lucky in that my hips are a good lot wider than my waist, so anything I can put high enough to sit on my natural waist will stay firmly put. But I'm aware that some people are more. tubular. and things slide off easier. my notes would be: experiment with where it's most comfortable for things to sit. it may very well be higher than you think. and the broader and more fitted the waistband, the less you're likely to feel that pull off the hips - that's why kilts are so comfy, bc they have like a 6 inch buckled waistband, so even on someone whose waist comes out 3x as far as their hips, they stay put (if you put them on right. shout out to my partner's uncle whose kilt just straight up somehow both unbuckled and tangled up and fell off while he was walking into church for a wedding. that took skill.)

avoid skirts with elasticated and unreinforced waistbands. if it doesn't have a clearly defined and close fitting waistband it's not your friend. you can afford to go a bit tighter than you can with trousers too bc it won't tighten when you bend down or sit.

Beltloops

with both pockets and beltloops, anecdotally you're more likely to find them on heavier fabric skirts (canvas, denim, leather, tweed) with broader waistbands and more tailored styles. this is weird bc you don't. actually need a belt with those that much. like I say skirts move a lot less than trousers with the same waistband, both because they tend to sit higher but also because like the things that pull trousers down (sitting or bending) don't exert any extra force on skirts. moving your legs doesn't pull on skirts. so while as you pointed out the weight of stuff in the pockets/the weight of the skirt itself are pulling down, there's not a lot of like. dynamic force pulling it down. so if it has a decent waistband and fits ok there's less need for a belt (especially bc as I say you can comfortably fit skirts much more snugly than trousers). if you sit down in a skirt, it will ride up at the hem instead of pulling down at the waist - the kind of fixed point in trousers is at the crotch/hip whereas the fixed point on a skirt is the waist.

however. less need for belts is not no need for belts bc people change shape and clothes are sometimes too big. also it's fun to accessorise (I don't wear a lot of belts but I do wear a lot of chains in my belt loops bc I am permanently trapped in 2006). so a) I like skirts with some amount of modular fastening - multiple buttons on the waistline, buckles, a built in belt, slight stretch in the waist - but also b) it is, sadly, like pockets. they're out there but you have to look, and jump on it if you spot one that meets your needs. as I say, they're more likely to be present on heavier skirts, although I have seen quite a few light summer skirts that come with belts and you can just. bin the shit belt it came with and put a nicer one in. also there are WAY more belt loops on goth/alternative styles. this is presumably bc everyone else buying these also lives with me in the land of chains and studded belts.

Conclusion

In conclusion, Skirts is a land of contrasts. there's a LOT of types of skirt, a lot more than there are types of trouser, and it's about being picky about what suits your needs, getting the right fit for you, and investing in something relatively sturdily constructed (even if it's a light delicate thing). also wearing it snug and sitting at your natural waist or above, not on your hips.

idk why I wrote this entire wall of text I hope it is helpful. and I reiterate. Anything You Can Wear With Jeans You Can Wear With A Basic Skirt You're Comfortable In.

also for the love of god if you find good leggings buy 4 pairs then tell me immediately.

#red said

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kingdaddydaichi · 3 years

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NSFW Alphabet || Katsuki Bakugou

I had so much fun with this! Vodka may or may not have been involved in the making of this little ditty. 🍸 I hope you shameless hussies enjoy reading it as much as I did writing it. 😩

*Exhibit A:

(Source)

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

I feel like he gets clingy asf, but plays it off like it's something he's doing for your sake. He'll probably never admit that he feels so vulnerable after sex, but he does. If it was a rough session - which it usually is with him - he'll ask if you're okay, if you're hurt anywhere, kiss any marks he left on you - he's such a protective hero boi.

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

His: he's not gonna lie, he's fully aware of how well-endowed he is. He really is proud of his cock, the way it makes you sing when he works it - and he knows how to work it okay? Favorite non-sexual body part - his arms. He works hard to keep them cut (as in lifting, not cutting). 😬

Yours: listen, Katsuki is an ass man through and through. Go ahead and tell me I'm wrong, I'm 👏🏼 not 👏🏼 listening 👏🏼. He loves to watch the subtle ripples he sends through your ass cheeks when he's driving into you from behind. Also, our big scary boomboom man appreciates a nice, thicc pair of thighs. Bonus points if they're muscular/toned - he loves the way it feels when your thighs have such a strong grip around him.

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

Let's just say our boy's orgasms are explosive. He cums hard and loud, shooting long ropes of his hot seed. Consistency is about average, not too thick, not to thin, but there's a lot of it. He doesn't taste too bad - salty, but not too bitter. You're more likely to gag from the sheer volume and force of his cum hitting the back of your throat than the flavor.

His precum gets honorable mention here. It's fucking delicious. That is all.

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

It took him no less than 2 years into your relationship to tell you this, and if you ever tell anyone he might actually kill you, or at the very least make your ass bleed. He hasn't gotten to the point that he's ready to try it yet, but he's not entirely opposed to the idea of you pegging him. Someday. It kinda does make his balls tingle a little just thinking about it tbh. He hasn't yet, but he thinks he might be ready to try working up to it and is really close to asking you to stick a finger in his ass and stroke his prostate. He's heard how good it feels and he's super curious to find out for himself.

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

Not very experienced, actually. He's only had 1 or 2 lovers before you, BUT he's determined to be #1 at everything. Couple that with how perceptive he is and you've got yourself a winner of a loverboy. He's going to make damn sure that, even if things don't work out between you two, he will always ALWAYS be the best you've ever had. No other man will outdo him, E-V-E-R.

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

Doggystyle all the way, baby. As stated before, he loves watching your booty jiggle every time he slams his hips against it. He gets off on spreading your ass cheeks to watch his slick-coated cock slide in and out of you. God he just loves hitting it from behind, makes his dick so fucking hard.

Bonus 2nd Favorite Position (couldn't help myself): you on your back with your ankles on his shoulders, your ass lifted off the bed, him on his knees and hugging those thick thighs of yours, keeping them closed as he reams into you. (Slight variation of this one: he leans over you, nearly folding you in half, putting you back on your shoulders with his hands pressing into the mattress beside you, angling you such that his prominent corona rubs over your g-spot as he drills down into you. 10/10 you're gonna scream his name when (not if) your liquid gushes all over him.)

Tell me the truth, am I a disgusting human being? Here are all the fucks I give:

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

Bakugou is serious asf about his sex game. This is not the time to joke around or poke fun at him, understand me? If you do he will get pissed and either fuck the silly out of you, or if he's feeling particularly ruthless he'll just stop altogether and let you ache for him as punishment until you beg him for release.

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

He takes care of his body, paying a lot of attention to his hygiene, which includes manscaping to keep his pubic hair trimmed and kempt. The carpet's just a shade darker than the drapes, like a honey blond. If he lets it grow out, it sticks straight out just like his head hair. It's actually kind of funny and he hates it.

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

*sigh* Let's be honest. Katsuki is not the super romantic type, at least not outwardly. However, if he realizes something he's doing is hurting you - physically or emotionally - he's going to stop dead in his tracks and hold you close, push his fingers through your hair, and tell you how much he loves you and how safe you are. He can be rough and he can be an asshole, but if he thinks he's genuinely hurt you at all, he's all over you, doing everything he can to make you understand that he will never let anyone hurt you, especially not himself. Got that?

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

He doesn't jack off very often. You two share a very active sex life so he doesn't see the need to. If you have to be apart for more than a day or two, he'll rub one out. Or if the need hits him particularly hard and you're not available or in the mood, he's not above closing his eyes and reaching into his pants to wrap his thick fingers around his cock and start tugging.

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

Lord Baby Jesus, where do I even begin? Kinky, kinky Katsuki. This man should come with warning signs and disclaimers.

First of all, he dom asf okay? Even if he lets you play with his ass someday, he's gonna be bratty about it. He's going to top from the bottom, hashtag facts. And trust that he WILL own you afterwards to securely reestablish his dominance.

Giving and Receiving: Hair pulling. DIRTY TALK - you think he's got a potty mouth in the streets? His mouth is downright filthy between the sheets. Loves it when you dirty talk right back to him. "You love taking my fat cock, don't you princess?" "Mm yessss, fuck me, Katsuki! Your cock feels so fucking good babyyy!" He eats that shit up.

Giving Only: Degradation. Praise. Spanking. Cockwarming. Dom/sub/power play. Shibari/ropework (he tried it bc you wanted to and he fucking loved it). Creampies. Begging. Discipline. Ravishment.

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

Literally anywhere inside your home/homes - bed, bathroom/kitchen countertops, kitchen/dining table, office desk/chair, any piece furniture is fair game really, up against a wall, washer/dryer, the fucking floor, ugh just all the places to fuck. Not one square foot is sacred tbh.

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

Wear something that showcases the curve of your butt. Doesn't have to be revealing per se, matter of fact he'll get possessive as fuck if you're showing too much skin in public. At home/privately though? He can't help himself. Dat ass tho...he is going to smack it hard enough that it stings and that's final, understand?

Tease him. You can't be obvious about it though. If he senses that you're doing it on purpose, it'll just backfire. But if you just so happen to brush against his crotch when you squeeze past him, it'll drive him crazy. Go commando in short shorts/skirt and cross your legs just so, his dick will twitch. Even better if you do shit like this in public where you know he won't act on it. But when you get home you best believe he's going to dick you down so hard, won't even bother to take said shorts or skirt off.

His ears and neck are his most sensitive erogenous zones. Whisper in his ear or kiss his neck and he's going to grit his teeth in an effort to fight back the shudder that threatens to rattle his bones.

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

Let's get one thing straight. Katsuki Bakugou does not share. This is non-negotiable. He will not agree to anything involving additional people - cuckolding, threesomes, orgies, exhibitionism, voyeurism (unless it's him watching you pleasure yourself - that he will gladly do, and probably start palming himself in the process).

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

Loves giving and receiving. Giving puts him in full control of your pleasure, receiving makes him feel like you're worshipping his cock, which you probably are. Have you seen this man's cock? Of course you have. Gatdamn.

Y'all, Katsuki's so good at eating pussy. Like how does one get that good at eating pussy? I don't even know, but god the way he flicks his hot tongue over your precious, tiny bud before wearing it down like a fucking feed bag? It's unnatural. Like it could be his backup quirk if blowing shit up doesn't work out. You've seen the way he licks his lips when he gets excited, everyone has.* He doesn't even bother swallowing while he's feeding on you so you just be dripping in slick and saliva and he's just slurping away. It's lewd.

*See Exhibit A above.

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

You already know this, but I'll say it anyway. His go-to fucking style is fast and rough, dominant and relentless, hard and dirty. But every once in a while he'll want to take you slow and deep and passionate. He'll hold you so tight in his arms and chest, you'll have to tap his shoulder sometimes to let you breathe. And he'll just roll his hips so fucking thoroughly both of you will feel every last inch, his pubic bone rubbing your clit so hard. You've told him so many times how much you love it when he makes love to you like this, but he maybe makes it a rare treat on purpose. 😈 Little shit.

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

Quickies are difficult for our boy. It's not that he's against them, it's just that he savors every drop of sensuality, he has a tendency to draw the pleasure out as long as possible. He can’t help it.

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

The idea of having public sex turns him on, but he's only done it with you a couple of times when he was 10000% sure you wouldn't be caught. He can't risk doing anything that would tarnish his reputation and goal of becoming the #1 Hero. He might be freaky as hell, but he needs a sex scandal like an Alaskan needs a refrigerator.

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

He loves you long time. He's a Taurus for fuck's sake (well, Aries/Taurus cuspie, but that just sweetens the deal). Great stamina. Grinds you down like a whetstone. Can last as long as he needs to to ensure you cum for him as many times as it takes for you to beg him to stop. If he feels himself getting too close while you're blowing him, he'll stop you and go down on you instead. If he's inside of you, he'll pull out and start kissing all over your body, sucking, nipping, licking until his urge to cum passes, then he pushes it right back in and keeps going.

If on the off-chance he does cum before you, he'll be ready to go again in about 20-30 mins. Just give him some motivation, he deserves it.

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

He didn't own any toys when you first got together, but you did. He hated the idea of you using them though, especially when he's right there with you. You've since assured him that you don't want to use them to replace him, but to enhance the pleasure. So now you do use them from time to time.

The first time you managed to coax him into using a toy together, it was a small wireless bullet with a remote. When you brought it out and showed it to him, there was a wild glint in his eye. He carefully inserted the vibrator into you, his cock slowly following suit. He loved the fact that he had complete control over this thing, but later complained because the sensation of it against the head of his cock made him cum too fast. He still wants to use it sometimes though. 😏

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

Oh he can be so unfair. He loves teasing you until you're begging him to put his cock inside you. He's not so much into orgasm denial per se; he just loves to hear you beg him for shit - to let you cum, to suck his dick, to stop fucking you when you're overstimmed, etc.

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

Lol he's fucking LOUD! And he's going to make you cum so hard that you're screaming his fucking name. There was a time when one or both of you lived in an apartment and the neighbors would bang on the wall behind your headboard.

Shit, what sounds does he NOT make? He growls, moans, grunts, groans, yells, swears, fucks you so hard you can hear the wet sound of slapping skin, hell even the bed protests. Another reason he doesn't fuck in public - he can't stay quiet enough to be discreet about it.

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

Okay, as much of a wild sex beast as he is behind closed doors, he gets embarrassed so easily when your sex life is so much as hinted at around others. It's legit funny how flustered he gets about it.

If he goes into work real tired and Kirishima says, "Hey Bakubro, you look like shit this morning. You and (y/n) stay up too late?" while doing the finger in the hole gesture, Katsuki will just "Shut the fuck up, Shitty Hair, or I'll blast your ass right through that fucking wall!"

Or if you two go out together with friends and the girls are talking about sex-related stuff, Katsuki will just roll his eyes and try to ignore it. But if one of them is all "So, (y/n), does Bakugou ever like accidentally let off explosions while you're doing it?" and you wink and say, "Only when he's especially *cough* frustrated *cough*". Katsuki will go red from his neck up to his hairline and start stuttering, sparks flying from his palms. "H-hey, d-don't tell them sh-shit like that! I-it's none of their god-goddamn b-business, (y/n), what th-the f-fuck?!" Meanwhile, you and the girls are in stitches while he stomps away, just mortified, bless his heart. When you catch your breath from laughing you'll follow it up with, "Looks like tonight's gonna be one of those nights", and you all lose it again.

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

As has been mentioned, Bakugou's well-endowed. I figure he's packing about 7.5-8" in length x just under 2" wide. He takes some getting used to, that's for damn sure. Oh, and he's more of a shower than a grower. Like around 6" long x 1.5" wide when flaccid. Katsuki + sweatpants/basketball shorts = swinging dick print, alright sis? Take notes, this motherfucker visibly jumps when he does, class dismissed.

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

Eh, he's surprisingly not ridiculously horny. Maybe a little above average sex drive? A lot of times hero work just takes it out of him and he comes home utterly exhausted and just needs a soft place to land, and you provide him with all the love and nurturing in your heart. ❤

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

Depends, really, on the time of day and what type of day it's been. If it's late (like past 9pm lol) and he fought more villains than usual that day, he's probs gonna pass out pretty soon after. If it's earlier in the day - especially first thing in the morning - it gets him pumped and almost comically genki.

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mt-words · 3 years

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Can we get some dream smp fandom positivity posts? As someone who posts mostly analysis and has never once had someone say anything rude in response, I think we perceive the fanbase as more toxic than it is because of a few outspoken individuals. Y'all are pretty chill and I like you.

In no particular order-

I love that Eret’s fans come up with such cool theories, I swear she could give you two sentences of lore and I could see three five page essays on what it could mean about their character within an hour and each of them is unique, intricate, and makes logical sense.

I love the compilations Foolish fans make of him doing ridiculous things on stream, he’s a fun guy that never fails to make me laugh and everything I see from them embodies that energy to me.

I love how creative Hannah’s fans are, you take the awesome ideas she has and turn them into the most amazing designs and concepts.

I love that Techno’s fans might write a ten page essay about his character or just say they enjoy watching him do crime, and you never know which it will be because both come from the same people.

I love how Philza’s fans embrace everything he does with so much enthusiasm. His chat is a flock of crows? Excellent, they can work with that, you will see fifty incredible pieces of art and a hundred theories in the first hour and they’re just getting started.

I love that Niki’s fans are so careful to pay attention and not miss any details. It has been ages and I still see occasional mentions and theories about the “Dear Friend” letter.

I love that Fundy’s fans are very empathetic, they love to find and elaborate on the connections between characters and that’s pretty cool!

I love Tommy’s fans for their energy. They seem passionate about making things right and hopeful that no matter what your situation is things can get better. I’ve seen so many breathtakingly emotional art pieces from this side of the fandom.

I love that George’s fans unapologetically simp for him but then catch me off guard by making deep insights about his character.

I love how Bad’s fans are as genuinely sweet as he is, they’re willing to really look at everything that makes up a character and see the tragedy of it and have compassion about things. And some just want to see an egg rule the server, c'mon, it would be funny.

I love the running gag with Skeppy fans of making Skeppy critical posts, y’all are hilarious.

I love how Purpled fans play up his lack of lore as him being an incredibly powerful cryptid, and they’re right. He totally carried the wither fight on Nov 16th.

I love the balance Quackity fans have between a love of humor, justice, and darker topics. I think like Quackity they are often underestimated and thought of as the jokester side of the fandom to an extent, and then I start reading things they write and it’s well thought out and insightful.

I love that Tubbo’s fans love chaos, cute things, or both to an unhealthy extent. Seeing anything from them reminds me of princess unikitty in all the best ways, and then they turn around and throw a super in depth meaningful analysis at me in the next breath.

I love everything about Sapnap’s fans. Y'all are perfect. The writing and art from the born in fire line? Gold.

I love how Jschlatt fans are generally chill and just enjoy whatever they want to. Their favorite Manburg president was the one who publicly executed his right hand man and gave Dream a resurrection book for firepower, and he looked good doing it.

I love that Callahan has fans. You people are dedicated and I respect it. The fact that Callahan was one of the first names to pop up when everyone was trying to figure out who Harpocrates was even though he rarely involves himself with plot? Your influence knows no bounds.

I love that Alyssa’s fans are simply too powerful. She hasn’t played on the smp since way before I started watching and there are still people defending her barn and drawing pictures of her.

I love that Antfrost’s fans have taken so many ideas and just ran with them and made them awesome. Like him practicing magic? Perfect, he now carries potions and gets a wizard hat.

I love that Dream fans look at a character who has been portrayed as pure evil from many points of view and understand that Everyone has motives based on their situation, even if it isn’t handed to us in an easily understood way.

I love how Jack’s fans are so ready to support any action he takes. Crawling out of hell? Incredible. Killing a child? Good for him! Go team Rocket. Grieving the same child? Learning healthy coping, he’s the coolest.

I love that Connor eats Pants fans are the most reasonable people in this fandom. This is terrifying. Thank you for your service, you always make me smile.

I love that Punz fans unapologetically just love their capitalist mercenary. As they should, his presence always tips the scales and everything he does brings more depth to the characters and plots he interacts with.

I love how much Ranboo fans love complexity. Most of them aren’t afraid to admit that their favorite characters are flawed, because aren’t those flaws what make them interesting and relatable?

I love the variety of Hbomb fans. Half of them may be embracing the cat maid bit while the other half goes on about how impactful and cool L’cast is, but they’re all super chill.

I appreciate that Puffy fans take the time to understand so many perspectives. So many posts I see involving her tie in lore from other characters and find interesting ways to connect them and build them together, kind of like Puffy herself.

I love that Wilbur fans seem to approach the story like they’re solving a puzzle, carefully piecing together details from months apart to figure out how and why everything goes down.

I love how hard Ponk fans work to spread awareness of how awesome he is. Ponk says and does wonderful things and is very fun to watch. I never would have tried his content without them.

I love that Karl fans saw him wanting to be involved and started coming up with such cool ideas around his character that they actually made them canon. Correct me if I’m wrong, wasn’t the time traveler thing a fan theory at first?

I love the creativity Sam fans have with his design and their willingness to discuss complex moral issues. Sam is involved in some heavy lore stuff but he and his fans keep things entertaining and calm.

I’m sure I missed some things, please feel free to add on!

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whaleofatjme1920 · 3 years

Text

The Ends of Hallways (Proxies X F!Reader)

The Ends of Hallways

[Proxies X F!Reader]

[Warnings: slight language]

[AN: Y'all are just gonna have to thank Eris for always sending me the best requests. I don't have favorites,,, but Reader, I have favorites. Also no Kate sorry :( ]

Your face was practically squished against the glass of the car Hoodie had stolen as the four of you pull into the parking lot of woods that brim with the Operator’s energy. You’ve never seen these woods in person - only in dreams. You’ve never even really seen your master in person, once again, like these woods, he too has been confined to your dreams. But you hear him, and often. His voice falls down on your ears like gentle rains that fall from the heavens. He is everything and more. That is why it is so exciting for you to finally be here, so close to him, and to his presence.

“You excited?” You hear your group leader ask.

You nod and press harder up against the glass. “Are we going now?” You’re ready to bounce out of the car and everyone can see that.

He chuckles in response. “What do you think Hood? Time to go?”

The hazel eyed man behind him shoots the driver a look. “Masky, just look at her, she’s gonna break the window if we don’t.” There’s a slight playfulness in his tone that tells you the right hand really isn’t annoyed with you.

“Fair enough,” Masky smiles. He then reaches behind his seat, hand slapping at who used to be the runt’s knee. “Tobes? Tob-Tobes, get up.”

Toby’s eyes shoot open as he lurches forward. “I’m u-u-up, I-I’m u-up,” he yawns as his hands rub tiredly at his eyes. “Are w-w-we here a-alaready?” He asks, the exhaustion still clear in his tone.

Both of the men in the front seats nod. “C’mon, let’s get going,” Hoodie says as he pulls up the lock on his car door before sliding out.

You wait impatiently for Masky to unlock the car then zip out like a bat from hell. You’re immediately at the edge of one of the forest’s many trails and taking in the sights and sounds of your boss’s woods. They’re beautiful, really. The autumn colors bathe the woods in fiery oranges and passionate reds with threads of gold to interlock it all together. The sky is just the slightest shade of blue as clouds cover the sun. There weren’t any people here either - not under the little structures, not exploring, not anyone but you and your comrades.

“Wrong one,” Hoodie says as he closes the trunk to the car before tossing a backpack to Toby, who catches it like second nature.

You whip your head around to see that Masky, Hoodie and Toby are smiling at how excited you are before silently asking you to follow them. “Where are we going?” You ask, eyes wide as you jog up to them.

“Across the field. There’s this cool tunnel of trees we think you’ll appreciate,” Masky replies as he leads his group across the grass. It crunches slightly as the four of you move, like it hasn’t been watered in a long time.

“R-Really?” Toby hums as he puts his hands in his pockets. “You s-s-sure we’re n-not gonna be l-late?” The young proxy gives a slight look to his group leader, eyebrow raised as if he’s sure the Operator is okay with them possibly being tardy.

Masky shakes his head before tapping his temple with his free hand, “he told me it’s okay.”

“He did?” You ask as stars cloud your eyes. The Operator, as you’ve heard so far, is to be feared and respected. He’s like a father you can look at but never touch. He seems so out of your range, like he’s not even visible - not even if you squint your eyes. You wonder what makes you so… interesting… in his eyes. You really don’t think you’re worth all the fuss. Clearly he does.

Masky chuckles before ruffling your hair with his hand, “yeah. I think he finds your enthusiasm endearing.” Masky’s not entirely incorrect. When they first got Toby, the Operator was strangely favorable towards the young proxy as well - maybe because he was hand plucked, special, and therefore deemed worthy of his time. You were similar to Toby, albeit, you accidentally got involved with the Operator. He liked you, chose you, then kept you.

Hoodie whistles slightly as the four of you step into the trees, his gloved hand reaching up to tear off a branch from one of the low hanging trees then swing it aimlessly as his side. “Seems pretty obvious in my opinion,” he whacks Toby lightly with the stick making said proxy laugh. “Looks like Toby isn’t the only golden child anymore.”

“P-Probably not,” Toby hums, a slight melancholy coming into his tone. “Think I-I’ve been losing f-f-favor with h-hin for a w-while.” He glances over his shoulder and smiles at you.

You frown slightly and place your hand on his shoulder, “I don’t think so,” you say. “Just means he has two golden child-s now.”

Toby beams.

You do too.

The group continues to move through the trees, mostly silent save for Masky and Hoodie pointing out little memories from time to time. Things such as some guy named ‘Alex’ chasing them through here, Masky’s waking up with no memory, Hoodie’s nature shots, and everything in between. You learn a lot about the hands of your group from when they were just scared film students to the things they’ve done as proxies here. It’s kind of nice as you’ve never really spoken to them this way before.

When you first came into this life and were placed in this group, the hazing process kicked in like wildfire. Almost every day was a mentally or physically, sometimes both, a draining task and a bonding agent. Authority was not to be questioned and they made that more than clear. Eventually, the hazing grew lighter and lighter until it just… didn’t exist. That was how it went - you were no longer considered naive and starry eyed. Still, authority was not to be questioned, and it’s why you and your comrades have never really talked on this specific level before.

It’s why it’s such a treat that you get to talk to them like this now.

Eventually, the four of you make it to an odd stretch of trees. They tunnel over each other, a lot like a thorny funnel, but they frame the sky so well.

“If the sun was setting,” Masky starts. “It would look like a cradle.”

You take a step back and observe the tunnel of trees, trying to imagine the setting sun. The mental image is pretty. “Will we ever be back here to see it?”

“Oh definitely,” Masky continues. “But uh, the business we’re here for today? Don’t know if that’s meant for anyone but me and maybe Hoodie.”

You look on instinct to Hoodie who nods. “Is that normal?”

“Sure is,” Hoodie says as he takes in the scent of the cooling autumn woods. He knows the group is almost to the limits of the Operator’s realm. “Tell me what you feel right now, Reader,” he says in passing as he flicks the stick somewhere off the given trail.

With a glance around at your surroundings, you attempt to get a feel for the area you’re in. It’s cold, much colder, but the atmosphere still feels a little thick. The further you go into the woods (and by extension the Operator’s bounds to which you don’t even know exist yet), you get that odd feeling in your legs that feels like they’ve fallen asleep. It’s like the physical sensation of static. You try to explain it in words, but they fail. Instead, you allow Hoodie into your thoughts.

“Nice,” he smiles. “Alright, try to ask for permission in.”

“I need to ask for permission?”

“E-Everytime,” Toby begins as he and the others pause. They’re right on the edge of the bubble and can feel it so much stronger than you can. “It’s t-to ensure n-normal humans c-can’t come in,” Toby begins to explain as you gaze around your surroundings, wondering how you’ll even begin to ask. “T-Though, their f-feelings sometimes k-kick into o-overdrive and they e-end up p-piercing through the v-veil on a-a-accident.” He chuckles softly and you know exactly what he’s referring to - you’ve heard tales of the people who get stuck wandering where they shouldn’t: always ends in someone strung up in the pines. “W-We’ve all learned t-to ask p-permission like b-breathing.”

You shoot your comrade a confused glance, wondering what that will mean for you. “I just ask?”

“Kind o-of,” Toby says. “Just l-let your f-f-feelings guide you. She’ll t-t-tell you whether you’re a-a-allowed in or not.”

You close your eyes and begin to hone in on whatever your heart is telling you. It’s a cold feeling, mostly like vines that slip up and down your limbs as they grow upwards and then inwards towards your heart. It’s an odd feeling. Once the static vines pierce through your heart, you physically see a fog roll into the forest around you. It consumes you and your comrades before you remember Toby mentioned ‘she.’ The fog thickens. “Wait, she?” You say as the static begins to leave your system. It feels like you’re tearing through roots as you walk forward.

“He didn’t mean it,” Masky quickly replies as he begins to pull you through the fog. “Good job on asking though. Strong response,” he says as gestures to the fog, his hand swimming through the billowy clouds. “Wives’ tale is the stronger the fog, the more genuine you were in response.”

You wade your fingers through the thick fog as you and the others walk forward, deeper and deeper into the darkness where there was none. “Must’ve had a really genuine response, huh?” You mumble to yourself. The fog doesn’t even feel like normal fog - it feels thick and heavy and leaves slight dew on your clothing as you walk. How interesting.

‘Head talk from here on out,’ Hoodie says as the four of you reach a stretch of woods that feels slightly dangerous.

‘Did you feel it too?’ Toby asks, his hand at his hatchet.

Hoodie nods slightly, his eyes narrowing as he slows his pace so he’s guarding the back. He gives you a slightly concerned look as the fog evens out. Everyone but you knows that they’re in perhaps one of the most dangerous parts of the veil. The Operator’s mere presence is usually enough to deter the things like the Rake from his grounds, but that often means they get trapped here - in the in-between - and lash out on the first thing they sense. The sooner the four of you get out of this dangerous spot, the better.

‘What do you sense?’ You ask, cutting mentally through the rough silence, your own hand moving to your blade.

Hoodie looks like he’s about to answer you before he holds his fist up and the other three of you duck down instantly, dipping below the fog. Just then, some deer begin walking past.

‘Deer?’ You say in a questioning tone.

‘Not just any deer,’ Hoodie begins as the deer slowly nibbles on the leaves and other things. ‘Take a good look at their bodies. They look normal to you?’

You narrow your eyes slightly and get used to peering through the fog as the deer pass. Eventually, you’re able to look at their coats. There’s something off about them, something wrong. Something you can’t quite place. The longer you watch them as they move in front of you, the stronger that off feeling gets. They have every physical part of the deer down but it’s just not right. It’s like their joints don’t fit well beneath their skin. And their eyes… Their eyes are completely hollow.

‘You see it?’ Masky asks as the last of the deer passes by. He glances over his shoulder briefly to see you nod. ‘We’re lucky they didn’t change this time,’ he mumbles, slowly inching forward while crouched against the earth.

‘What would’ve happened if they changed?’ You inquire, moving quietly alongside your comrades.

‘Nightmare fuel,’ Toby finally pipes in. ‘Nothing about them looks right. Big mouths full of sharp teeth, black eyes, too many limbs, like a messed up centipede,’ he finishes, a slight shudder coming into his mental tone.

You notice the other two of your group members nodding in agreement before finally deeming it safe enough to stand up and finally exit the in-between of the veil.

You’re greeted to the sight of a beautiful, rustic looking Germanic mansion surrounded by iron gates that hold honeycomb patterns that trail skywards only to end on sharp peaks that you’re almost certain your boss has spiked people on plenty of times. There’s also flowers of every kind in the front gardens that catch your eyes the moment you step through the grand gates. There’s fountains and topiaires, statues and benches that tell you the Operator drips with style and elegance.

“Pretty, isn’t it?” Masky smiles.

You nod, “it’s gorgeous.” The air smells slightly expensive, but mostly sweet. How is it that a place like this can even possibly exist? Around the mansion are autumnal trees, mostly maple, some sycamore and other birch. Scattered on the front lawn are other proxies and some independents, mostly catching up and talking before leaving through the same gates you entered from. Some of them smile and wave as they pass you, others grunt and turn their nose up at you upon realizing you’re the youngest. This place sings with the Operator’s overwhelming presence.

Your comrades continue to watch your amused expression as they lead you to the front doors of the mansion. They’re large and stained glass, slightly gothic in woodwork and tower over you.

“Go ahead,” Hoodie chuckles as he nods for you to open the doors.

You glance back to him, then at the large doors before tentatively placing your hands on their surface. With a small breath, you push them open and find yourself greeted to the most exquisite foyer you’ve ever seen. Large chandeliers hang from the ceiling, sapphires and rubies drip from the fixtures and shine the light beautifully across the marble floors. Gold leaf adorns almost everything that juts out while the huge staircase in front of you beckons you forward.

“Doesn’t seem like he needs us yet,” Masky says as he checks his watch. “Got here earlier than expected, huh?” He lightly ribs Hoodie who rolls his eyes in response. “C’mon, let’s go to the sun room. Don’t wanna wait around in here.” He nods for the three of you to follow.

Toby clears his throat slightly as if to remind the two in charge that you’re still very much here and new.

“Oh, right,” Masky says. “Reader, this is super important, so listen up,” your group leader begins as he turns on his heels to eventually rest his hands on your shoulders.

You raise a brow at his sudden contact. Masky normally didn’t touch you unless what he had to say was important - which really, really didn’t happen often.

“This mansion likes to play off your thoughts, feelings, and logic,” he says, his hand gesturing to the staircase that’s slowly moving directions. You didn’t even hear it begin to shift. “The Operator usually keeps things in line for when he summons you, it’s almost a guaranteed path you’ll make it to him, but,” his eyes go serious. “If it’s just you and you’re moving around, you need to have a place in mind or it’ll accidentally spit you out somewhere totally random. We’ve had people get lost in here because the mansion is slightly playful and weirdly baneful depending on the individual walking around.”

“The Operator has a playful side?”

Masky stifles a laugh before shaking you lightly. “I legitimately mean it, you need to have a place in mind or you’re gonna get lost and the Operator isn’t gonna be happy. By extension, I won’t be happy because I need to come get you.”

“Mhm,” Hoodie nods in agreement. “And you can’t have the thought in passing either, it’s gotta be on your mind until it’s in sight.” After Hoodie’s words leave his mouth, Masky lets you go.

You take all the information in and wonder just what makes the place run. It’s like it has its own personality - it’s playful and baneful? You have to ask it permission to even enter its grounds and it deems whether you’re worthy or not? What kind of power does the Operator even have and why on earth would he even care about that kind of stuff? If he truly wanted his proxies to access him, he’d do it with no hesitation. The humans that would wander into his rooms would just end up tasting someone’s blade.

“Sun room?” Hoodie reminds Masky.

Your entire walk to the sun room you try to conjure a mental image in your head. They say it’s doubtful you’ll get lost so long as you’re with them, but you consider it good practice. When you finally make it to the sun room, you’re pleased to see it’s relatively empty save for a few groups interspersed in the large, window adorned room overlooking a silver lake. There’s a few independents walking around with carts holding different tea time finger-foods and waiting tea sets on every table. Maasky leads you over to one of the tables nearest to the view of the lake.

“So, what business exactly are we here for today?” You ask as you waste no time in pouring yourself some tea.

Masky shrugs, “no idea. He said he just wanted us to come.”

“T-Think he r-really only n-needs an audience w-with them though,” Toby adds before silently thanking you for pouring him some tea as well. “L-Leaves us some t-t-time to chat. Y’know, t-the thing H-Hood hates us d-doing,” he lightly jokes.

Hoodie scoffs and feigns being annoyed, “I only hate you two chatting when we’re in the middle of tearing out some guy’s entrails.”

“Y-Yeah, which is a-all the time,” Toby giggles.

You laugh as well.

The four of you are in a heated argument about something relatively stupid when static overtakes Masky and Hoodie’s hearing. They visibly pause, as if they’re trying to key into something you can’t understand when it suddenly stops.

“Have t-to go?” Toby inquires before taking a strawberry tart and popping it into his mouth.

Both Masky and Hoodie nod.

“Yeah. Keep an eye on Reader, please? We won’t be too long,” Masky replies with a small, tired smile.

Toby flashes the two a thumbs up before the both of you watch them leave, a clear destination on their minds.

It’s not long until Toby gets distracted by some other independents that stroll into the mansion. You recognize the two of them as relatively minor legends - well, maybe not the one with the smile. His name is Jeff.

“So, this is your fresh meat, huh?” Jeff chuckles as he lightly pushes Toby’s shoulder. “She looks a little scrawny. Are you feeding her right?”

Toby laughs and nods, “Masky w-w-would lose his m-mind if you s-s-said that.”

Jeff’s chest rumbles as he laughs. “I’m joking,” he holds his hand up as a sign of truce. “Hope you know you’re running with one of the only decent groups out there, Reader,” he says before picking up his tea cup. It looks slightly comical as he brings it to his lips.

You offer him a smile and nod, “yeah, I know.”

The man to Jeff’s left nods in agreement, “Masky’s really good at what he does. Got one of the best.”

Toby immediately fights the notion (playfully) and the three engage in conversation that’s lively and vibrant all the same. You listen to the three verbally duke it out before you find yourself bored. You can’t just leave though, but you want to move at the same time.

“Toby?”

“Yeah?”

“Can I excuse myself?”

“W-Where to?”

“Washroom,” you reply.

“Do y-you need m-me to a-accompany y-y-you?”

Both Eyeless Jack and Jeff scoff.

“She’s a big girl, let her go,” Jeff says as he nods his own approval for you to go. “You told her about the mindset thing?”

Toby nods.

“Yeah, then she’s good to go,” Eyeless Jack agrees.

You flash the men at your table a smile before getting up. You push in your chair and then make it to the entrance of the sunroom, leading into the halls. You don’t have a set destination in mind. The moment you step out of the sunroom, you feel the air change. It’s not unpleasant, but it’s different. On instinct, you turn your gaze over your shoulder to see the sunroom is gone. It’s just hall and lining the hall are doors upon doors.

Alright, you can work with that! A small smile comes to your face as you begin to walk forwards, allowing your curiosity to bloom. The first door you decide to open is one that’s honestly not that exciting. It was just a storage unit. Another was a study. Then it was someone’s room. Another room. And another. How many residence rooms are there?

You close yet another door and then feel a thought come into your head, taking a seat on your train of thought like a butterfly sunbathes on a flower. She - Toby had mentioned it. And you wondered. You let the thought stay. Before you know it, you’re walking through the halls guided by forces you don’t quite understand, and the further you get into the mansion, the stranger the atmosphere becomes. It’s not unpleasant, but it’s not a normal feeling either. You watch as the light fixtures change from something relatively modern and regress into something more vintage. The dust begins to kick up. Irish lace begins to pepper the ceiling. You notice how the doors change style as well. How strange.

Eventually, you reach a dead end stretch of hall. At the very end of this hall is a singular door that looks weathered, as if it was sunbleached and painted over in oils. There’s an elegance to it you can’t quite place, and like a siren song, you find yourself being beckoned to it. Your proxy instincts kick in like second nature the closer you draw to it. You feel your breathing lighten, your steps as well, and you move towards it with a silence that is unmatched - as if you’re floating on air. You draw closer and closer to the door. It’s so magnetic, and you can’t quite explain why/ But closer still you must be to it.

Your hand tenderly grasps the doorknob - it feels like ice - and you twist it open. You wonder if you should be doing this. A part of you feels like you shouldn’t be doing this, but another part of you says this is what you were meant to see. You push the door open ever so slightly, just enough to be able to see inside, but the door is heavy, almost as if it doesn’t want you to. Like it’s trying to protect you from something further. You wonder if it just wishes to keep its secrets.

It’s gorgeous, it truly is. It puts the rest of the mansion to shame. It looks old - perhaps from 16th century Germany and fit for royalty. Plants of all kinds line the walls. They look like emeralds as light shines through their leaves. The sunlight kisses the flowers that sprout from the stalks. Beautiful woodwork surrounds the windows that are covered in fairytale-esque stained glass pieces. The scent is of something much, much sweeter and warmer than the rest of the mansion. Your eyes then draw to the center of the room, where an ornate table sits. There’s gold leaf decorating its legs followed by symbols you can’t really pin down. A tablecloth that looks like it was weaved from the stars above is the only thing that separates a delicate tea set from the precious mahogany table. The tea smells heavenly from where you stand.

Before you can press into the room, you pause upon seeing slender, pale hands take hold of the tea pot. Your eyes follow upwards to the owner of the hands only to see a woman so much more beautiful than the moon in twilight and the sun in the morning. Falling from her shoulders was golden hair that looked like a sea of amber as it cascaded down near the floor. Flowers were woven into it - mostly snowdrops, baby’s breath and queen Anne’s lace. She’s dressed in something from medieval Europe, and never once does her sleeve touch the table. She begins to pour herself some tea, a honey like hum coming from her being as she pours the sweet liquid. Her eyes flick upwards for but a moment when she hears a bird chirping outside. Her eyes are so dark, there exists no white sclera. They’re so dark, like black holes that hide in the depths of space, but you feel as if she holds the universe inside of them. She’s so beautiful, you’re not sure she’s real. A cat has jumped up onto the table, purring at her. When she smiles, your heart sings.

You want to say hello to her and spend time in her presence when you attempt to open the door some more. It creaks slightly. The hinges are ancient. Before you can say anything, the door is slammed shut, sending you flying backwards. You let out a sound of shock before seeing Toby reaching down to get you.

“What t-the hell a-a-are you thinking?” He hisses as he picks you up, grabbing your bicep and beginning to drag you away from the door that still holds your attention. “You r-really just w-wandered off l-like that?”

You furrowed your eyebrows, attempting to get free of his grasp as he continues to pull you along. No matter how hard you smack at him, he doesn’t let go.

“M-Masky said it’s not s-safe for y-y-you to wander o-off. A-And without m-me? D-D-Did you have a-any cognitive t-t-thought when you w-went out on a l-limb like t-that?” He sounds so heated.

You find he’s bringing you back to the sunroom, undoubtedly going to tell Masky and Hoodie about your misbehavior. “Why are you being so weird?” You retort as you attempt to wriggle out of his grasp. “It’s just a room!” You cry out in an exasperated tone.

Toby only reprimands you louder. It’s a losing game.

You eventually find yourself back in the sunroom. Only, instead of Eyeless Jack and Jeff, you see the deeply concerned and slightly pissed off faces of Masky and Hoodie. They’re not happy to see you, and you’re not exactly thrilled to see you either.

“Take a s-s-seat,” Toby says in a harsh tone as he thrusts you back into your seat.

“What the fuck were you thinking?” Masky asks, not even attempting to mask his voice because that’s the privilege of being a proxy. You’re able to reprimand your proxies without anyone giving a care.

“You can’t just go off like that,” Hoodie continues as he furrows his brows. “You could’ve gotten-”

“Hurt? This is the Operator’s mansion, what the fuck is gonna hurt me in here other than himself or you two?”

“That’s it,” Masky points out. “He can seriously hurt you if you snoop where you shouldn’t!” His hands grips at your wrist, tightening to a point of pain.

When you feel tears prick your eyes, Hoodie sighs and puts his hand on Masky’s shoulder, “stop it.”

Masky hesitantly lets you go.

“What did you see?” Hoodie asks with a deep sigh, his posture tensing. He’s really hoping you didn’t see the Operator’s trophy room.

You give your comrades a concerned look, not sure whether you should answer or not when Hoodie raises a slight brow. Damn it. You’re emotionally compromised. He’s seeing what he needs to without your permission.

“That’s… Odd…” He says.

Masky glances to Hoodie. “No.”

“Unfortunately, I think yeah,” Hoodie says with a growing frown. He glances to Toby for confirmation, and upon seeing Toby’s nod, says “yeah,” again.

Masky groans and puts his face into his hands, finding comfort in being buried into himself.

You hold your wrist in your hand and lean back in your chair. “Just… What is it you guys aren’t telling me?” You question, hoping they’d just bite the bullet and tell you.

The group shares a look, debating whether they should even say it or not. When no one says anything, you press them again.

“Come on,” you sigh. “It can’t be that bad.”

“It really could be,” Masky says as he finally releases his face from his hands. “No one knows what seeing it does.”

Your eyes widen before you bark a laugh. “What?”

“No, he’s serious,” Hoodie picks up. “Seeing that door is rare, like, rainbow pikachu rare. Proxies think it’s an omen or a bad luck thing. To see it means a group’s eventual demise.”

You briefly scoff at the thought of proxies being superstitious before you remember some of you can actually cast portals. It’s really not that out of pocket.

“N-No one has e-e-ever found o-out though,” Toby shrugs. “W-We just know t-that the g-groups that h-h-have n-normally e-end in death.” He looks a little uncomfortable as he says the words, like there’s a legitimate truth to what he’s saying even though he’d rather it be utter BS.

“To be fair, we thought it was a rumor prior to you sneaking off,” Hoodie says as he tries to calm down his group.

You take in this information with a small frown. How could something that beautiful be that evil or a harbinger of doom? The thought of it left you perplexed as your comrades continued to lecture you on not wandering off until Masky and Hoodie were called away.

“I don’t know if I feel comfortable leaving Reader here with-”

Toby rolls his eyes, “you c-cant just s-say you want m-me to come with i-instead. N-Not need to insult m-my competence a-a-as a babysitter,” he mumbles before glancing down to his hatchets.

Masky sighs and nods for Toby to follow him out. Looks like it’s just you and Hoodie.

“So,” you awkwardly begin, not really sure what to do or what to say.

“So,” Hoodie hums back. “Anywhere you wanted to go?” When he sees the glint in your eyes, he shakes his head. “Like, a normal place. We’re gonna be here for a while while those two are out,” he chuckles, watching as you visibly deflate.

You allow the question to bang around in your head until you nod with a thought in mind. “The library. I’d like to go to the library.”

Hoodie smiles at that suggestion and finishes the rest of his tea before standing up. He stretches for a moment, then leads you to the hallway your original snooping began. You noticed as his thoughts immediately became clouded with the word and vision of ‘library’ as the two of you trekked the halls. As you walked, you barely recognized any of the doors you passed. They weren’t on your radar, which was odd in your opinion as you had opened a lot of door you probably shouldn’t have.

Eventually, you reach two large oak doors. Hoodie pushes them open and you’re greeted to the sight of a beautiful library. It’s impossibly huge - how could such a place exist in the mansion? You’re well aware it’s a huge place, but the fact that all of this is here… It’s bigger than a downtown city library you visited when passing through Chicago a few months ago. The Operator’s influence is beautiful, isn’t it?

“I’m gonna be in the sci-fi section,” Hoodie says as he nods over to the right wing of the library. “It’s on the second floor.” You notice the spiral staircase that leads to what appears to be a balcony - it must stretch backwards forever. “Check in with me in about 15 minutes. Don’t do anything stupid.” It’s surprising how relaxed he’s being with you. You would have expected someone like Hoodie to be a lot angerier and more observational.

Not wanting to look a gift horse in the mouth, you nod and flash him a thumb’s up before bounding over to the left wing of the library. Nothing is properly labeled, but you get a strong bout of intuition where everything is. Right now, you’re on the hunt for history.

The aisle that holds the history books looks just as old as you would have expected it to. The books here aren’t any you’ve ever seen in stores either - they’re largely from the time period they’re to be representing. Some are more modern, but you get the feeling that they don’t exist anywhere else but under the Operator’s influence. You find a few books that talk about the early history of proxies, some on independents, but nothing to inform you on what you had found.

It’s honestly a little maddening. You check in with Hoodie when you have to - he asks you to list the spines of the books you’re currently looking at - and then you’re back to your fruitless search. You run up and down the halls of the history section looking for anything when you hear static begin to buzz in your heads. The feeling travels upwards like the vines you felt earlier from your heels to your chest. When they claw deep into your heart, you feel a pull. And once again, like a sailor beckoned to the rocks due to a siren’s song, you follow it.

It twists and turns you through the shelves, making you zip past the few proxies and independents that are currently visiting this wing of the library before you’re drawn to a rotunda. You look backwards and see in the distance the front doors of the library. When did this place get a middle wing? It was just straight shelves and a wall with large windows overlooking the rolling hills of the woods. You turn your attention upwards to the ceiling of the rotunda. There’s a large skylight that allows sunlight to cascade down. Around that are gems you don’t even know the name of that weave a mosaic of something positively divine. You allow your gaze to follow the shaft of warm sunlight down, and there, sitting at a table with a book in hand (it looks like a journal) is the Operator himself.

“S-Sir!” You manage to squeak out as you find yourself startled to be in his presence, Heat rises to your cheeks when he looks up from his book to turn his attention to you.

“How did you get here?” He asks, confusion etching his body as he curiously tilts his head.

Your breath hitches. “I’m so sorry,” you apologize, bowing your head almost immediately. “I don’t know how I got here. It just felt like a pull and suddenly I was here? I was in the left wing and looking over history books and I-” you continue to rattle off until the Operator holds up his hand, silently signaling you to stop. You do so as soon as he asks.

“I-. It’s no matter,” he waves off. “Come, sit down beside me.” An inky black tendril sprouts from his back as he pulls the chair in front of him out, allowing you to sit in his presence.

You will your stone-like legs forward and attempt to gracefully take a seat in front of him. It’s a slightly awkward silence before he speaks again.

“How have you been, Miss Reader?”

“I’m alright,” you reply, voice no higher than a whisper.

The Operator hums. “Good.”

Another pregnant pause.

“Child, where is your book?”

“I uh, didn’t grab one?” You answer softly. You can tell the Operator is looking at you with what he can convey to his fullest as confusion. “When I was pulled here I just.. Followed,” you attempt to explain. “I don’t know why I’m here.”

“And what have you done today?” He asks, giving his passing attention to you like a father would.

You bite your lip before steering the conversation towards the room you saw. “I think I met someone.”

“You did, did you?”There’s a passing interest as if he’s saying ‘that’s nice, honey.’

You nod. “She was in a tea room-”

He pauses.

“I found her by accident-”

He makes sure he’s hearing you correctly.

“Her hair was golden-”

He looks up.

“She had plants-”

He’s sitting upright now.

“She had a cat-”

He leans forward.

“Her smile rivaled the stars-”

He’s focusing so intently on you now.

“Her voice was like honey-”

He entirely focused on you.

“She was beautiful.”

The Operator’s ichor pauses for just a moment as he takes in the description of the woman you described. It makes a part of him sing and another part of him sob. He hasn’t heard of her in so, so long.

When you look up, you see the Operator practically leaned halfway over the table and entirely focused on you. It makes you jump. “I’m sorry,” you apologize sheepishly, thinking you saw something you shouldn’t have. “I wasn’t thinking and I uh, think the mansion led me to her?”

The Operator wordlessly nods. “Was she pouring tea?” He asked, voice so much gentler than anything you could ever expect him to conjure up.

You slowly nod. “She was.”

The Operator suddenly slumps down, making you jolt. You rise on instinct to help him when he waves you back down. “Do you realize who you’ve come into contact with?” He asks.

You shake your head. “I’m afraid not, Sir,” you say with slight remorse.

The Operator chuckles deeply - it rumbles his chest and in your head. “You found her.” He could smile, you were sure it would be from ear to ear if he had the correct facial features. “All these years later and you found her.” He emphasizes you like a bittersweet affirmation.

“Who is she?” You ask softly.

Your boss sits back up again. “Someone who loves me,” his tendril sprouts once again from his back and moves towards you. “Someone who loves you,” it taps your nose. “Someone who loves us.” The tendril makes a grand, sweeping gesture.

You take in the words and nod, still not knowing what they mean. Upon seeing your confusion, he decides to elaborate.

“A long, long time ago, in a realm you could not begin to fathom, there was light and there was dark,” he begins, his voice slipping into something akin to someone saying a bedtime story. “I was the light, and that cur we call Zalgo was the dark.”

You scrunch your nose at the sound of his name.

“The dark and the light were born from nothing, and she was beautiful.” His audible smile is actually endearing to hear. “Throughout the years, the light and the dark fought, constantly at each other's throats. It was woven in the threads of history, it had been our birthright. When we came to this place, this planet after being cast from our home - a palace amongst all palaces, a kingdom that rose far above any other, the nothingness came with us. She called herself Liebevolle Frau. She loved her children.” By this point in the story, the Operator has taken the liquids from the coffee cup he drinks from and animated them into the characters for this story.

You watch with stars in your eyes.

“But no guardian is without its favorites, and I happened to be hers.” Liebevolle Frau’s figure was shown sheltering the Operator’s much smaller one. “And this caused a rift that could not be mended through the light and dark. Eventually, the dark waged war on the light.”

It’s a war you’re still fighting to this day.

“In the 1500s, long after this mansion had been built and my power continued to grow, Zalgo had almost wiped us off the face of the earth to splatter out remains across all the five realms. Liebevolle Frau, thought caught off guard,” that would explain the tea, “sheltered me and protected this place and all who resided in it. At the time,” the Operator looks at you. “Independents and proxies had lived here much more commonly than they do now.”

You smile softly.

“Liebevolle Frau’s power had been pushed to its limit in holding back her first born son, and mind, as well as her heart, broke because of it. In her remaining moments of lucidity, she imbued herself, her soul,” the liquids take the form of something fluttering and soft, like a bird, “her everything, and became the place I hold jurisdiction over today.”

Your eyes widen as you think back to the odd feelings you’ve had coming here for today - and Toby’s slip-up.

“I have not been able to find her since the late 1500s,” The Operator explains as the liquids dance back into the coffee mug, the figure of Liebevolle Frau taking a hair longer than the rest. “She lives in everything.”

You’re honestly speechless over everything the Operator has said because it’s so… It’s strangely heartfelt. You’ve never even spoken face to face with your boss and when you do, it’s because some force is guiding you to do so. But if that force felt so alive, it must have meant she wanted you to know.

“Her physical form,” you finally manage to wisp out. “She wanted to be at peace, didn’t she?”

The Operator chuckles deeply. “I would assume so.”

Before you can respond to anything or even come up with another response, you hear both Masky AND Hoodie yelling for you in your head. The jarring difference between your boss’s gentle voice and Masky and Hoodie crying out for blood is enough to make you jump (once again).

Upon seeing your sudden switch in atmosphere, the Operator hushes the voices in your head and calls them to his side.

Toby is the first to show up though, and quickly trailing after him is Masky and Hoodie. They both look ready to reprimand you but upon seeing you sitting with the Operator, nothing but reverence crosses their minds and bodies.

“Good evening, Sir,” Masky says as he bows his head. “Are you well?”

“Thoughtful, aren't you, Timothy?” There’s no animosity or anger in the Operator’s tone, but it makes Masky blush all the same.

A pregnant pause passes.

“I was just speaking with your newest member, Miss Reader,” a pale hand gestures to you. “Come, join us. I could use the company.”

You watch as confused glances get shared between your three comrades before they take a seat beside you.

A pleasant silence passes through the air before a gentle humming that’s sweeter than honey overtakes it like a passing breeze.

#masky #hoodie #ticci toby #masky x reader #hoodie x reader #ticci toby x reader #creepypasta #creepypasta x reader #marble hornets #marble hornets x reader #mh #reader insert #x reader #slender man #the operator #slender man x reader

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poppykru · 4 years

Note

Why did Bob tell people to face the music if he thought his fandom was gonna like this season? He knows Bellarke fandom better than everyone. He used the word baiting and then he told us to face the music which isn't a positive thing to say about a new season. What is your explanation of it? If the fandom was gonna like this season why would he say "face the music"? He could've said enjoy the ride. He didn't.

Look man I'm gonna answer your question and give you my perspective but I really don't appreciate the tone of the ask. You seem to have your mind made up and you're just trying to fight me on this. I don't want to do that. I'd like to think I'm a reasonable person. If you send me an ask with genuine curiousity or just want my opinion, I will be nice and answer. I don't understand why you have to be hostile. I get it, you're scared your emotional investment in this story is in danger if not having a payoff so the easiest reaction is anger. You don't want to be alone in your anger so you're trying to get people on your side. There are plenty of people in the fandom who share your opinion. Go to them, commiserate with them. I am not one of them. I respect you're opinion but I don't share it. Simple as that.

As for your question: I don't put that much stock on anything outside of canon. I love Bob, I think he is a great smart person but I don't think he is the fandom hero most think he is. He's just a regular dude with an irregular job. I think this glorification is not good for him because people see him as infallible and that puts pressure on a person, and it's not good for the fans because it creates this cult of personality. All that being said, Bob tends to react a little recklessly. Like as funny as it was for him to tweet the 'i misinterpreted' tweet, was it the best move career-wise? I'd say not really, no. I don't think he really thinks through what he tweets pertaining the fandom. That's why I don't think he meant what he tweeted the same way the fandom interpreted. (You could say we misinterpreted...I will see myself out 👋).

Ok so this is the tweet:

So the most controversial part is the 'all the baiting and bruises'. To me that means 2 things:

Everything that has happened thus far not forward.

Baiting really does refer to all the years of Jroth's "will they won't they" game. It's true, there has been baiting outside of canon. If you only look at canon there's no baiting. The story is the story and I don't think there's ambiguity in what it's trying to say. So to me that's what Bob refers to when he says baiting - Jroth's bullshit outside of canon. Whether bellarke happens or not (I think it's clear which option is more likely) doesn't take away from those years of jroth trying to bullshit the fandom. So that's why Bob said it. I just don't see him spoiling the biggest storyline of the season and "warning fans". Contrary to popular belief, I don't think he's ever done that. It's Marie that has spoiled things, Eliza too last season. O don't remember Bob ever doing it.

Tl;dr: I think Bob meant the baiting outside of canon that Jroth has done for years, not that Bellarke is not happening.

What about 'time to face the music'? Simple - our beloved show is coming to an end and we need to come to terms with that. It's time to face the music - "this is it, the beginning of the end. It's difficult to let go of something you've loved for years but it's time."

Look, we've panicked over Bob's tweets before and it was all for nothing. The fact is Bob (and the cast) view the show different than us. He is at one end, we're at the other. There is communication but there isn't the same meaning to things. It's all very subjective. (Not to mention im sure Bob is not as involved in fandom as half of y'all think. )

Which means that all this here is very subjective too. It's my opinion, my interpretation. I could be wrong. The thing is I don't want to stress about this. So bye.

#ask #anonymous #i hit post by mistake so this is unedited #enjoy 😁#the 100

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elizabeatrice · 4 years

Text

Feeling Blue, Seeing Red (Chapter 69)

Let’s Talk About JSHK Manga #5

Updated: 19/8/2020 (more thoughts)

Bea is back with the lame punny titles~

Warning: !!! MANGA SPOILERS UP TO CHAPTER 69 !!! Duh.

Soooo I opened the raws this morning. Saw the spicy and went 'ohh shoot'. Then some of y'all say that some folks are hating Akane bc of this chap. I proceeded to panic, because fandom war is scary af. So I translated the chap for myself. And I just gotta say:

Aoi, Nene, your boyfriends are idiots. Y'all gonna be punching and headbutting the idiocy out of them for the rest of your lives and I'll be willing to pay for your karate classes.

The teen drama made me laugh so hard ahahahaha I guess this is what you get for hoping sensei will drop a bomb this month lmaoooo.

P.S. Teru you little shit

Man I don’t even know where to begin. This chapter is oozing doraaaaama and I can’t take it seriously no matter how much I try. I remember thinking, “Shoot, this is the ‘I hate you, I hate you too, proceed to make out’ trope in JSHK’s classic ‘oooh serious moment, eh? PSYCHE!’ style,” before bursting into laughter.

I swear I’m not making fun of it.

Because it’s already fun to begin with. Ahahahaha.

I do however, take seriously the long-awaited insight into Aoi’s mind. I hollered in joy, y’all. ‘Cause like ... finally!

(Also like ... ngl the development of Aoi and akaoi in this arc might come into play in my Shrek AU. Pls don’t ask. Yet. That’s not the official AU name I swear I just wanna confuse my readers ahahaha)

Back when chapter 64 came out I wrote something that was supposed to be the first of the Let’s Talk About JSHK Manga series but I ended up not posting it because I wasn’t sure about a bunch of things. Here’s an excerpt from that post, titled ‘Aoi and Her Blues’:

I mean, what did the minions do to her? ‘Remove unnecessary things’. Someone said they removed her inhibitions (I’m terribly sorry I forgot who said this because it’s been so long so I can’t put the link here, but if you know, feel free to send me the link).

But she has to be brainwashed, right?

She remembered enough about Nene. Enough to call her out on her feelings (that she still denies btw lol) and recognize Hanako from Nene’s wonderful description (or because Aoi could see him all this time and never said anything, who knows?).

Most importantly, she remembered Akane.

So apparently they weren’t unnecessary enough to be erased from her memory. Which I’d beg to differ if I were going to make this girl willingly sacrifice herself.

Would she let her best friend fall down into a pit full of giant insects, or let her childhood friend get impaled? I mean this is the same girl that cried when Akane and Yamabuki got together (by accident) and when Nene started talking to herself like a madwoman.

So yeah. Definitely brainwashed. Pretty sure now.

The one thing that bugged me is what she said though.

“I’ve always wanted to go somewhere far away.”

“Nothing will stop me from getting my wish.”

Btw these aren’t accurate word for word I’m just drawing from memory.

Is that a wish forced upon her by the brainwashing, or has Aoi been depressed all this time and ... y’know, therefore thought about ‘going far away’? I’m personally leaning more towards the first, but it still got me thinking.

Remember back in The Clock Keeper arc when she said there was something she wanted to tell Nene?

Can some creepy hands showing up in the gardening club’s album photos really warrant that kind of expression? Is it just me who got disappointed when the thing she wanted to tell Nene ended up being just that?

But if she did have such thoughts, why?

Maybe she was lonely? I mean Nene got so busy with supernatural shenanigans. Akane’s busy with student council stuff (and school wonder stuff). Though I don’t doubt for a second that he’d drop everything for Aoi, but Aoi’s not the kind of person to do that. And to be honest, I feel like so far Aoi hasn’t been shown having genuine interaction with anyone aside from Nene and Yamabuki without the other person being completely enamored by her. And even with Yamabuki that was just in that After School chapter.

So I guess my hunch wasn’t that far off. Still though. Still though. Is she or is she not brainwashed? Because as much as Aoi likes-but hates-but actually kinda likes Akane, I still don’t think she’s the type of person to stab her childhood friend until he’s got a hole through his fucking torso.

Throwing Nene into the bug pit I guess makes more sense if Aoi knew all along that the pit won’t lead anywhere too dangerous, and that Hanako wouldn’t leave Nene’s side. Nene’s perfectly safe with him. Sorta. She did get kidnapped and were about to be sacrificed after all. But heeey Hanako still showed up to save her in the end.

Stabbing Akane like that tho? Even if she knows he wouldn’t die in a boundary especially in his school wonder form? It just doesn’t feel like Aoi, man.

Then again she did say no one really knows her, and that anyone who does would end up being disappointed in her.

I’m really happy to know that she does not, in fact, appreciate all the attention given to her. Comedy framing aside, constantly having some random guy approach you to ask you out presumably every day is ... annoying at best. Kid deserves better.

So ya girl got some extreme trust issues. Strangers, even Akane and Nene, I could understand. But her dad tho? Is something going on in the Akane household? Bruh ....

How long has Aoi not been able to trust anyone enough to let them get close to her? Because if she’s been feeling like that about Nene all this time, Imma be super sad bruh. Nene is one of the most genuine kids ever (perhaps only second to Kou).

I understand that Aoi’s disappointed because Nene’s been keeping secrets, but honestly, who would believe you if you come up to them and say, “Hey so I summoned a toilet ghost and now I’m stuck as his assistant. The rumors about supernaturals are like, totally real, and can endanger everyone in this school for real, too. Also I turn into fish when I come in contact with water.”

Sensible best friends would either a) not believe you, or b) try to get you as far away from supernatural shit as possible ‘cause hello? Ya ain’t Miles Morales ya can’t just blast What’s Up Danger when monster of the week shows up.

Even if Aoi does let it continue, wouldn’t she wanna get involved? Would Nene let her get involved when Tsukasa’s still around? Ya girl got cursed, thrown off the top of a boundary, sent to literally nowhere and everywhere, almost got her body stolen by mirror monsters, kidnapped and taken into a fake world, and now trapped in literal Grim Reaper’s realm. Honestly, who would involve their best friend in this sort of shit?

It just makes me sad to think that all this time Akane and Nene have genuinely cared about her but she didn’t think they were. Aoi, my girl Nene literally threaded hell boundaries and high shallow water to save you!!!

Unrequited platonic love hurts just as much as romantic ones, y’all ....

Speaking of romantic love.

Hey, uh, Akane. For claiming to despise Hanako and calling him a slimy pervert, y’all kinda act the same way with your respective girlfriends when things get a bit heated up, huh? Even the teasing part.

Boy, you’re dumb af. You deserve that.

There it is y’all, it’s official. We got punches for akaoi and headbutts for hananene.

You deserve this too. But Teru’s face here is really annoying, I’ll give you that. Teru you little shit.

At least you’re finally gonna be useful. Let’s just see.

Hmm I guess I have to address the thing now.

Ahem. The thing. The pushing (pulling?) Aoi down, grabbing her neck thing.

Yeah I don’t get it either. Whether it was a creative choice taken in consideration to the actual character’s state or to just pander to the trope that seems to be marketable in Japan or both, I don’t really know.

I do however, have to remind you that none of these kids are in their right mind. One is possibly still recovering from the effects of brainwashing and dealing with not only extreme trust issues and insecurities, but also the sight of a gaping hole on her childhood friend and perhaps crush’s torso, not to mention having to deal with this in the middle of nowhere. The other one is the said person with a gaping hole on his torso, who almost lost his life-long crush, and even got stabbed by her in the first place.

They’re lost. They’re tired. They’re emotional. They’re frustrated. They’re two hormonal teens.

I think Akane thought Aoi wouldn’t listen to him unless he makes her. Which is why he went with exposing her by saying he hated her. Which is still a dumb move in my opinion. But Aoi rightfully got back at him. And honestly I didn’t think he really hurt her. I mean, it’s Akane after all. *shrugs*

The way I see it, the entire thing was a result from not only their current condition but also the uh ... not telling each other how they really feel all this time. Aoi with her issues, Akane with his secrets. They’re a ticking bomb. It’s horrible that they ended up hurting each other because of this (physically and emotionally), but I could see why it went like this. These two are flawed. Most importantly, they’re teenagers. They’re bound to fuck up in this equation.

Heck, I’ve fucked up worse in less endangering situations before.

But heeey once things get cleared between them they fall right back to each other. Sure things aren’t entirely resolved. But they’re gonna be okay. Teru’s there. Should be fine. Probably.

The thing is we as the audience who come into the story with a clear head can easily figure out the best, most sensible way to deal with the characters’ problems. But these problems affect the characters in (physical, physiological, psychological, emotional) ways most of us can’t immediately empathize with, which can make their bad decisions frustrating for us to see. We know it’s wrong. And when these characters have calmed down and healed, they’ll know that it’s wrong, too. If they’re not dicks, that is.

You know how it feels when you’re fighting with someone, and you know the best thing to do is to talk it out, but you just can’t bring yourself to? It makes things worse, right? And you’re frustrated, right? Unfortunately that’s just how humans are.

Even I let my emotions get the best of me when I judged the villagers’ actions back in chapter 68 hahaha (but I still think they’re awful).

It’s just my opinion tho.

And whooo everyone is officially here but Yamabuki (and Sakura and Tsukasa, but they’re bound to show up)! Catch up soon, my citrus child.

Lastly, I have the moral obligation to remind you that if akaoi’s confrontation ended up like this, imagine how hananene’s would be.

I’ll leave you to your deductions.

As always, feel free to discuss. Just ... don’t fight, onegaishimasu.

#jibaku shounen hanako kun #jshk manga spoilers #tbhk manga spoilers #aoi akane #akane aoi #minamoto teru #yashiro nene #let's talk about jshk manga #bea rambles #just in case it's not clear i'm not supporting physical abuse okay #i have really morbid sense of humor #and i still love my sons no matter how idiotic they are #i do tho pity my daughters #(this is about the karate class comment at the beginning btw)

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hms-chill · 5 years

Text

Sleep With Me

Ever since high school, Alex has been falling asleep to the same podcast: Sleep With Me, where a British man named Tilney tells rambling bedtime stories and gives positive affirmations. But after they're outed, the podcast goes quiet, and Tilney may be closer than Alex thinks.

Alex is a podcasts person. Not as much of one as Nora, but still, a podcasts person. Nora listens to them almost constantly, and when she finds one she thinks Alex would like, she recommends it to him. After his first accidental all-nighter in high school, when he'd been kept up not by work but by the stress of upcoming work, well, she'd had a podcast for that. A podcast called Sleep With Me, were a British voice rambles its way through boring stories and quiet affirmations until Alex drifts into dreamland.

Tilney, the voice of Sleep With Me, has been there for him since high school, when he'd been figuring out his recording equipment and Alex had been trying desperately not to think of anything outside of school, lacrosse, and a resume good enough to get him into the college of his dreams. The minutes (and hours) between going to bed and falling asleep were always the hardest, when his mind would race and he'd be left stranded in a dark netherworld, alternating between terror and exhaustion. But then he found Tilney, and the rambling voice gave him just enough to focus on that his mind could stop racing. Tilney would put out an episode a week, and Alex would listen to that episode seven times without reaching the end awake.

He's not entirely sure how or when it happened, but at some point, Alex started to rely on Tilney. He didn't notice at first, just incorporated the podcast into his bedtime routine and accepted it. There would be a new episode up every Monday, and if he looked forward to them, well, it was because listening to the same thing for a week got boring. But then there was a week without an update. It came just after the end of his junior year of high school, when his mom was officially running for president and he was starting to think about college and what being half-Mexican First Children could mean for him and June. The missed episode just added wondering where Tileny went to the long list of worries buzzing around his head. When the epizode came two days later, Tilney sounded different. He sounded tired, and for the first time, Alex started to think of Tilney as a person rather than just a voice. He became a friend, even, though Alex would never have admitted that.

But he would admit to being genuinely worried, especially when the episode started out with, "Hi, everyone. So I... my family has been having a hard time recently, so I'm just going to be reading a bit today. I know this isn't... this isn't a normal thing for me, and it isn't going to become one, but for a while I don't quite have the energy to write new stories, and I always tell you all to look after yourselves and that's something I'm going to try to do, too. I'm sorry if this isn't your thing; that's alright. I won't be upset if you'd rather listen to old episodes or take a break for a bit, but I promise I'll pick rambling books and I really appreciate your patience. We'll be reading parts of The Iliad today, and maybe parts of Les Mis later; we'll see how long it is before I get back to normal, but no matter what I'm going to be here to help look out for you. I'm not going to leave you, I promise; you can trust and count on me. "Anyway, today we'll be reading some about the Trojan War, specifically the lineages of the people involved. Like always, you don't have to listen to me. You can turn me way down so I'm just a mumble, or you can fall asleep or ignore me or anything. I just want you to be comfortable, and I want to help you relax and be here for you. If you do fall asleep, that's wonderful. You deserve a good night's sleep, but if you don't fall asleep, that's alright, too. I'll still be here for you; I'm going to look out for you, because you're important to me and you deserve someone who has your back, no matter what. No matter who you are or what you're going through, I'm here for you. I promise."

Alex has listened to the Iliad episode the most. He listened to it the night before his mom was elected, when he was so jittery that he nearly made it to the end. He listened to it that first night in the White House, when he realized the age of their new home and could feel the ghosts of ages past watching him sleep. He listened to it the night before the Royal Wedding, when he'd known he'd have to face Prince Henry and the rest of the British monarchy the next day. Somehow, Tilney made him feel like he could do it. Hearing Tilney's voice promise to be there helps.

'Sleep With Me' works for him for a few reasons. First, Tilney's voice is often exactly what Alex needs. It's soft enough to be reassuring, but confident enough that Alex trusts him. On some monkey-brain level, he believes that Tilney will protect him when he sleeps. But there's more than just the voice; the content of the podcast is what really sells him. Throughout the podcast, Tilney promises over and over that Alex is doing great, and he deserves a good night's sleep and a world that is kind to him. Tilney promises to look after and support him, and even when things feel overwhelming, Tilney stays calm and only a few taps away. Tilney is going to look after him and keep him company, no matter what he's going through or worried about. Through everything, Tilney's voice is a calming influence. His voice finds all the cracks in Alex's built up armor, and instead of asking to take that armor off, he rubs Alex's shoulders beneath it. He tries to get Alex comfortable, and if the armor comes off in that process, he lets Alex be the one to let it go. Every night, his time with Tilney feels like entering a bubble, separated from the public eye and the stress of college or family tension or whatever else may be bothering him. In his bubble with Tilney, he can be just Alex, an insomniac who trusts a voice to lead him to sleep.

He listens to Sleep With Me on the way home from the Royal Wedding, when he's trying to sleep to avoid Zahra's glares and the fact that not even Nora seems to be fully on his side. Tilney doesn't care about the bizarrely expensive cake or the possible fallout of the cake-based disaster. Tilney isn't angry with him for a stumble that wasn't his fault.The podcast lets Alex enter a bubble away from cake-gate, and Tilney is there, promising that he deserves good things, and he's important, and that someone has his back no matter what. That's always Tilney's biggest point: he'll support Alex, no matter what happens or what Alex does. Tilney offers unconditional, unwavering help and support. It's exactly what Alex needs.

The next weekend, when he's trying to sleep in Kensington and everything feels wrong and old and full of pressure, Tilney is there to calm his mind. It's been racing with worries he'd never admit to that he'll mess up their fake friendship and ruin his mother's career, not to mention the fact that he'll have to spend all day with a dickhead. And after the trip, when it goes well and Henry now has his number, Tilney is there to help his too-fast brain stop trying to puzzle out just how much of a dickhead Henry really is.

Tilney is there for him through everything. He's there when Henry kisses him, calming Alex's racing mind then and in the weeks of ghosting that follow. At some point in the midst of the ghosting, Alex takes to Twitter. He uses his unofficial account, the one where he can admit his insomnia and his fears and all of the things he doesn't want the public to know about Alex Claremont-Diaz, First Son. On his personal twitter, he's just a boy named Alex, and that boy can shamelessly send a series of long, thankful tweets at Tilney.

@justAlex thank god for @SleepWithMe y'all this podcast is everything i need

@justAlex i've been listening for years but now it hits different

@justAlex long story short i'm in the middle of a personal crisis and @SleepWithMe is a miracle worker and the only reason i'm getting any sleep

@justAlex i highly recommend @SleepWithMe for insomniacs or anyone who likes to have someone there for them whenever/whatever is happening he's been one of the most consistently encouraging voices in my life for years and he deserves the best

@justAlex in conclusion yes i am a grown man who listens to bedtime stories when i can't sleep but insomnia's nothing to be ashamed of and a massive thanks to @SleepWithMe for telling those bedtime stories

Tilney likes his tweets. The next episode's introduction includes, "And I just want to say to anyone out there going through something hard, you'll be okay. If you're up late because there's a personal crisis or something you think you just can't do, I bet you can do it. I'm rooting for you, and I know you'll be alright. After all, you've gotten this far. You've done all the things you've done, and you've made it through every impossible thing up to this point. You can get through this, too."

And, like always, Alex feels a little less alone. Tilney trusts him, and he's going to do what he can to make sure Alex can get through this and the upcoming dinner and whatever comes his way next. And if Tilney's voice seems to sound like Henry's, well, that's because everything is reminding him of Henry these days. A British accent isn't an exception to that rule, even if it is a British accent that he knows belongs to someone else.

The night after the state dinner (and everything that follows it) marks the first time in years that Alex falls asleep truly alone, without anyone in the room and without Tilney's voice beside him. It's the first time in years that he hasn't had a reason to not listen to Sleep With Me, he simply doesn't turn it on because he doesn't need it. Henry has somehow slowed his brain down enough that he's able to sleep without Tilney's help. The next morning, he feels almost guilty about it. Tilney had been there, ready and waiting, and Alex had ignored him.

That night, though, Tilney is still there. He's still promising that things are going to be alright, and that Alex can get through anything. He's still promising unconditional support and help sleeping, no matter what.

It becomes a pattern. Alex doesn't listen to Sleep With Me on nights he's with Henry, mostly because it seems rude. He's not sure how to admit that he typically falls asleep to a bedtime story, and it seems strange to bring it up. Besides, he never quite seems to need Tilney's voice when Henry is around. That's something he should probably try to understand-- why he somehow relaxes more with Henry than with a person who's been comforting him for years-- but he's never been particularly good at exploring his own emotions. So he doesn't listen when he doesn't need it, and he hopes Tilney won't mind.

Tilney never minds. He's still there when Alex needs him, making a home in the podcasts app and telling rambling stories for sleepless nights. He's there when Luna betrays them, after Henry has to leave and Alex is left to wonder what went wrong. He has a new episode out early that week, and in the intro, he says, "I just want to be here for you all, because I want you to have someone who can help you out no matter what. I want to be someone you can count on, even if it feels like people are abandoning you, I never want to do that. And maybe I can't be a role model or anything like that, but I can be here to help you sleep, and if today's been hard, maybe a good night's sleep will help make tomorrow better. Of course, if you can't sleep, that's alright, too. I'm here for you no matter what."

It's an introduction that feels almost like it's made for him, and it's perfect. It provides the exact comfort he needs, and it quiets his mind, reassuring him that even if they've lost Luna and Los Bastardos and everything that his friendship meant, at least he has Tilney. Some things never change.

When Alex was a kid, his dad would take him and June camping. Every now and then, they'd go too early in the year, when the nights were still chilly. When it got too cold, Alex would lie on one end of a blanket and roll himself up into a burrito, and his dad would laugh and pick him up, holding him in one arm and a bundled-up June in the other. He'd show them the stars, pointing out the dippers and Hydra and occasionally bits of the Summer Triangle. Sometimes, he'd show them a planet. And when they were too cold or too sleepy to appreciate the stars anymore, he'd take them into the tent and zip them into mummy sleeping bags until only two tired, smiling faces were visible.

Tilney's voice, and the stories he tells, are made up of all the best parts of Young Alex's blanket burrito/sleeping bag bundle. It's the comfort of his dad's arms and the warmth and coziness of the blankets around him without the sweaty mornings. His voice is the cocoon that wraps Alex up in his own little world, a world of stars and planets and good, safe things. There is no room in that cocoon for anxiety or stress or family friends who've turned against him; those are kept safely outside the tent.

The first time Alex finishes an episode awake is the night after Henry leaves him at the lake house in Texas. His head is just too full, and not even the Iliad episode is enough to quiet him down. By the end, Tilney's voice hasn't changed much. He signs off with, "Well, that's all I have right now. If you didn't fall asleep, if you're still here with me, that's alright. I'm still rooting for you no matter what, and I'll be here in other episodes. I still want a good night's sleep for you, so don't give up, alright? Just keep trying, and let yourself rest while the next episode auto-plays, and I know you can make it happen. Thanks for listening, and goodnight."

If Tilney's voice sounds like Henry's, that's because every single thing in Alex's life right now is a vivid reminder of the fact that Henry's abandoned him. If Alex cries at the end, that's because he's lying on his side and his eye is leaking. It's certainly not because, with Tilney's 'goodnight', it feels like the only other person he's ever truly slept with is abandoning him, too. He doesn't feel alone in the world, adrift in the darkness with only his bed as a raft, that simple 'goodnight' severing his last tie to humanity and casting him into a sea of aloneness. He hasn't been abandoned by every person he's ever been close with or looked up to, one after the other. He has June and Nora and his parents and congress by thirty. He has what he needs.

He falls asleep near the end of the next episode, and he certainly doesn't cry through it.

He nearly finishes every episode that week. But on the plane ride home from London, he's asleep before the intro ends, finally relaxed enough that Tilney can work his magic.

That's not the only time he's awake for the end of the episode, though. He needs Tilney more when the DNC tapes get leaked, when he has to watch the world ship his sister and his boyfriend and there is nothing he can do. The day he goes on his fake date with Nora, when he's trying to be steady for Henry despite the feeling that the world is collapsing around him, Tilney tweets that he's having a bit of trouble that week but will have an episode out as soon as he can. Alex talks to Henry that night, and when he falls into bed, expecting to go back to the Iliad episode, he's greeted by an episode that's been up for mere minutes. Tilney's voice is as strong and comforting and magical as ever. He's there, in his booth and in Alex's podcast app, and he's going to keep Alex company. He promises to, his voice steady and self-assured, and Alex trusts him.

Despite everything, despite the knot of fear consuming his gut and the overwhelming surety that something else will go wrong, Tilney is able to put him to sleep. The last thing Alex processes is, "No matter who you are, I'm here for you. If there are parts of yourself that you've got to hide away right now, I'm here for those parts especially. I'm here for your weird thoughts and your smelly toes and the crush you can't admit. I'm here for every single part of you, and I'm going to do whatever I can to help you look after yourself, because you are undeniably someone worth looking after."

If he cries at that, at the knowledge that someone out there is going to actually support him, well, it's been a long day and he's infuriatingly close to his inaccessible boyfriend. He deserves a few tears.

Things go from bad to catastrophically worse. After weeks of teetering on the edge of a cliff, hanging onto their last threads of sanity, everything shatters to the ground around them. Their emails are leaked, their souls bared to anyone insensitive enough to read the personal letters of a pair of young lovers. Alex feels his whole world caving in.

On the plane to London, when he's talked to Henry but can't relax, when Prisoner of Azkaban can't distract him and pacing is out of the question because Zahra's stare pins him to his seat like a beetle, he turns on Sleep With Me and lets Tilney's voice read him some truly boring classics and calm him down. He doesn't expect to fall asleep, and he doesn't really, but for at least a few hours of the flight, he's able to stop panicking. Tilney pulls him into their little bubble, into the tent and the blanket cocoon of his unending support, and Alex tries to leave all of his baggage outside until they land.

He doesn't notice until he's flying home, but Tilney misses an upload that week. When he gets home, when he's talked to June and let the dust settle a bit and can finally take a moment for himself, he checks Tilney's twitter. Nothing, other than a few messages from past weeks promising he was doing his best in hard circumstances.

Of course Henry calls right as Alex is processing that, and of course he can tell that something is wrong, and because he's a good boyfriend, of course he asks about it. Which forces Alex to admit, "It's stupid. But there's this podcast I listen to, and the guy who makes it... this is honestly so dumb, and it's the tiniest thing I could possibly worry about, but I've been listening since high school and the guy who makes it has sort of just disappeared. There was supposed to be a new episode a day or two ago, and usually if it's late he'll tweet, but he hasn't. I don't know, it's dumb. I've never met the guy, but I fall asleep to him every night, and I know this is stupid, but it feels like... I don't know, like he's a friend or something. And I'm worried about him, since apparently I don't have enough in my regular life to worry about."

"I don't think it's stupid," Henry says, "he's someone you've started to depend on, and you trust him. Podcasts are a sort of intimate form of communication, and falling asleep with someone is intimate, too. If you've been listening for so long, it makes sense that it feels like he's a friend you have sleepovers with rather than a celebrity or something. I'm sure it's hard to feel like you've lost him, especially if he hasn't given any reason for it or any sign that he's alright."

"I mean, yeah, it's not like this is normal for him. I can't remember the last time he missed an episode and didn't tweet about it, and all his recent tweets are about how things are tough for him, so... I guess I just hope he's okay. Like even if he's not going to keep making Sleep With Me, that's fine, I just want-- what?"

When he'd mentioned the name of the podcast, Henry had made a sound he couldn't quite identify. It's something like surprise, but he's not entirely sure how to classify it.

"You listen to Sleep With Me."

"I have since high school. Do you listen to it? I guess he is from your country; that could make sense."

"Alex, you bloody thick... I make Sleep With Me. It's a stupid thing Pez and I started in Eton's sound lab, but then it helped people, so we kept it up. Do I listen... bloody hell."

"No. What? But you... you're Henry, and he's Tilney, and your... your voice. It's different, I swear. I compared it to an interview and everything." That had been a low point. He'd been five days into a week of ghosting and desperately wanted proof that they were different, and Tilney only sounded like Henry because they were both posh Brits. He can see now that confirmation bias may have played a roll in his final decision.

"Of course my voice sounds different when I'm in an interview. Prince Henry of Wales, playing the part of a perfect little straight heir to the throne, is going to sound different from Tilney, who's hiding behind a mic and just wants you to sleep. What, did you think... I mean, 'Tilney' is a reference to my actual name. Do they not teach Austen in your American schools? Have you really never experienced the masterpiece that is Northanger Abbey? Has June never even seen the movie?"

"Well I don't exactly admit to my sister that I listen to bedtime stories to fall asleep! That's not going to get her to worry less about me. But hang on. That night after I went on a date with Nora, you had an episode out. You said you supported my weird crushes, I remember, because that felt so good to hear that someone wasn't upset about us."

"I edited on the plane and uploaded from the hotel, and that's... that's exactly what I needed to hear, so that's what I said, and I hoped it would help someone else, too."

"Wait. Damn. I'm still just processing this, I mean, I knew you were good at words. You've got an Oxford degree in fancy words, but dude. Sleep With Me is like... next level good at words. And it's so smart. Seriously. I've got a whole separate twitter that's like half just a fan account for Sleep With Me because I love it so much."

"No. You're not... JustAlex?"

"That's me."

"Back in January, when you said you were having a personal crisis--"

"That was you, you obtuse fucking asshole! I was having a personal crisis because you kissed me and I couldn't stop thinking about it no matter what I did."

"That would explain why we always seemed to have trouble at the same time." Henry's started to laugh just a bit, and Alex grins.

"Well, um, I guess it's nice to know I don't have to worry about Tilney. How are things there? I guess the Queen Mother hasn't had you assassinated yet?"

Henry laughs, and things start to feel like they're going to be alright again. They can still talk and laugh, they have each other, and they're putting the rest of the pieces back together one by one. When Alex starts yawning, Henry offers to hang up and let him sleep, but Alex stops him.

"You... you don't have to, but do you happen to have a copy of The Iliad handy?"

"I could certainly find it."

"Would... if you don't want to that's alright, but would you mind reading to me? Just for a bit. I... I really liked it when you read, on the podcast, I mean; it... those ones felt special." In the reading episodes, Tilney-- Henry-- wasn't a parent or a storyteller anymore. He was just like Alex, trying to make things work as best he could.

"Of course I'll read to you, Alex. I will read to you every night if that will help you sleep. Get ready for bed, and I'll go find the book and a particularly boring section."

When they come back together, Alex puts his phone on speaker and Henry starts to read, occasionally slipping in an 'I love you so much' or a 'you deserve a good night's sleep, and I'm glad I can help you get one'. Alex is snoring before long, and Henry closes the book. He picks up his phone and says softly, "I love you, Alex. You are the best, most wonderful thing that has ever happened to me, and I hope that someday, I get to watch you fall asleep to my voice. Until then, I will always be here for you, in impersonal bedrooms, in your podcast app, and someday soon, in your arms."

On AO3

#firstprince #alex claremont diaz #henry fox mountchristen windsor #henry fox mountchristen windsor x alex claremont diaz #rwrb #rwrb fic #My writing #my fic: rwrb

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jtargaryen18 · 4 years

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All the Brie Larson discourse that I've been seeing seems like a) y'all are spending wayyyyy too much time worrying about relationships & dynamics you have no business knowing since it's between these people, not y'all & b) I sure it's not meant this way but a lot of it seems like coded internalized misogyny? Like... She "seems insincere and not genuine"? Literally ALL actors are putting on a performance in public. You don't *know* any of them. Only their friends & family do. BL seems cool idk

Thank you for writing. Thank you for giving me the opportunity to address this. I can only speak for myself here and everything here is intended with absolute respect.

I'm here first and foremost to find great fics. I have and I share the ones I get time to read. I'm here to find amazing authors. I've done that too. I write a few stories. I'm grateful anyone reads them. I love this space. I treat everyone who comes here with respect because you all deserve that.

But I've learned a valuable lesson today.

I've tried to answer all the asks I'm lucky enough to get and try to be respectful. For my part, there's no discourse. I like Brie Larson, I liked CM and her other works and I stated that.

But it's not my place and I don't know the people involved. It's not my intention for being here. My opinion doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things. I'm no one special.

I volunteer at a local women's shelter and have since I was 20. My volunteer work is one of the reasons I don't know a lot about the actors or actresses in our fandom. It takes time. The shelter is a personal endeavor. I understand misogyny. I've seen a lot of it first-hand in almost 15 years. I'm there to hold other women up, to help them and their children through the darkest times. I feel the same way about all of you. I've got your back. I don't expect anything in return.

But moving forward I'm going to refrain from similar asks and appreciate the understanding in advance. I don't mind addressing most anything under the sun. But when we reach a point where people feel so strongly about something like this? It's not worth it.

I value the happiness of each of you a lot more than my own opinion. And it is a situation I can control.

Thank you all. With all love and respect always...

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jackednephi · 4 years

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On daily scripture study

Kind of a long post. I'm on mobile so no cut. Sorry :(

Ok so I'm gonna try doing something this year that I haven't in the past and that's reading my scriptures every single day. In the past, I've been hindered by like approaching it as the Ideal like we learn in seminary which is Deep Study every single day. Obviously, I ended up failing because that's such a lofty goal. I mean, it always ended up being good for me because it would inevitably deepen my study. I'd involve Google in with the footnotes and get really deep into things. Like the post I have forever ago about Nephi's sword type of thing. But research rather than happenstance and it's part of why I know so much about kosher laws off the top of my head

Something else I think has been a hindrance to this goal has been the idea that I need to bust out my physical scriptures to do so and, at least when I was in high school, the only comfortable place I had to do this was the couch in the living room. Also, if I'm being honest, I was definitely doing Way Too Much (as is the common Mormon trap tbh) But I'm not doing Way Too Much because what work I get is by no means full time. I do what I can around the house, but that's limited to weather, spoons, and so on. I'm in the process of applying for disability but that's not an all day, every day type of affair. I'm going back to school eventually and studying for the GRE in the meantime but, again, even with all this, I have a lot of open time. And I have a comfy bed if nowhere else

ALL THAT SAID, I wanted to know if anybody used the LDS library app for reading and how that worked out. I figured if I can make time to read bits of fanfiction/otome apps every day, then I can try to read the scriptures every day. Also, is the app good for study? I know it's good for church use so will be good for casual reading but a big reason I haven't relied on it for daily reading is that I'm worried about relying on it for regular study

I mean, I've always been partial to physical books and scriptures (I can write in them and I like the heft and can use them even when headaches crop up) but I need to be realistic with myself. Sometimes I can't even get out of bed for hip pain and can't even prop myself up to read a physical copy. Plus, I do NOT want my kids (the buns for those of 6ou unaware) thinking it's something they can destroy cause we give them phone books and stuff to shred and scriptures are similar enough. But again, not sure if the app is good enough for me to kind of "retire" my scriptures so to speak. Especially since I really, really, REALLY like marking them and writing notes in them. I know there's a little notebook thing but, again, I've been reluctant to explore it because I was pretty sure there was no way it could be as good as physically writing

How does everyone else approach what to study too, by the way? Do y'all go "I will study what we are in Sunday school this year" or do you just eat up the BOM year after year instead? Do you switch it up from day to day just going wherever? Do you start with the ensign and work from there? Conference talks? Because that's technically scripture too, right? Also, would it be a good idea to maybe record my progress in my journal I use for scriptures and study maybe? Like the date, where I read from and to, maybe some quick notes? Or would that be too ambitious for now? I was thinking it would be good to see if I've been actually accomplishing reading every day and adjust accordingly if I wasn't. Maybe printing out a little calendar or chart and giving myself a cute little sticker as a reward for that day to mark my progress

Like the goal is to get myself to make this a habit. It has never ever been a habit for me and that definitely needs to change. Like I do read scriptures but never daily like we're told. I want to give myself as much opportunity for success as possible and, considering I'm 25, I clearly have yet to figure out what I need to do for success. I'd tried every day in the mornings in high school but needed to wake up at 430 to do that due to morning JROTC practice three days a week and seminary the other two. Then, who's going to wake up that early on the weekends to keep that kind of habit? Not a growing, anorexic, overscheduled teenager, that's who

Then, I'd have after school stuff. Drama, choir practice, viola practice, fencing, or karate depending on the year, piano practice/lesson every day except Sundays, JROTC stuff depending on time of year and if stuff was coming up, a MOUNTAIN of homework, and by the time all that was done, it wasn't like I was in any shape to do more studying. I wanted to play video games or draw or read or otherwise destress. Then, I was inactive in college so why would I go out of my way to form (let alone keep) a daily scripture habit

So do I go for a same time every single day type thing? I attribute the past failure of that to circumstance. A set time is fine when I have/remember to take my meds. But that will probably fall apart other days and habits are consistent things. Maybe I should aim for, instead of a time, more of a "as soon as I wake up, have had food and meds" type of flexible thing so I'm not beating myself up for sleeping in until noon when I meant to get up at 8? Or do y'all find later in the day better because you're not having to worry about the Rest Of The Day setting in on you? I'm thinking after me waking might be best so I'm not feeling guilty for taking time away from my family

Regarsing frequency, should I start with doing it as often as possible? Shoot for once a week then slowly increase it? Go whole hog and get it done daily even if it's just a couple minutes? I genuinely do not know. The year my family and I read the BOM every day together, I was in elementary and not doing too much. We did four chapters a day, more if they were short and less if they were long, but my parents really were the ones who dictated that so I don't really know how to do that myself

Anyway, I really want to make sure this goal sees success and then, in time to come, I can deepen it to be rigorous study rather than just reading every day. Thus all the questions. I also know different people are different and what may work for y'all may not work for me. But I would like real answers as to how y'all do your scripture habits as opposed to like Advice y'know? Like get real specific with it so I can have a good idea of what works for different people so I have a concrete idea of things to try

Nobody is obligated to answer any of these questions by the way. Just I wanted to ask them and throw this out there to all of tumblrstake so I could get a good range of answers. Daily scripture study is such a nebulous concept to me that I definitely need concrete examples as opposed to vague advice. Also no I'm not gonna pray about how to know how to do things. HF doesn't work like that. I mean I will pray for guidance to know when things are working or not but I can't do that until I'm actively Doing The Thing and how am I supposed to actively Do The Thing if I don't really even have a starting place

Like do I hit up the church website and comb through conference talk after conference talk about "read your scriptures daily" in hopes of finding a more practical how to? I'd think there would be less of that and more admonishing. I was also born in the church so idk if converts get some kind of lesson from the missionaries the rest of us don't about how to read daily. If so, can we like spread that to the general populous? Cause I would appreciate it

Anyway, sorry for the wall of text. Vann had Questions

Feel free to hit up my inboxes by the way. I do read everything even if some asks sit there for like months at a time because I never get around to answering them

#queerstake #tumblrstake #lds #scripture study #ask to tag #i think i got all the ones needed to try and get people seeing this in the tags to answer me questions #feel free to tell me how your family members study too #i need all the concrete answers i can get

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venus-says · 4 years

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Futari wa Pretty Cure Episodes 27-49

Fighting Darkness with Hope.

The second week of the Precure Rewatch series is here and we reach the end of our first season! I know I'm late, part of it is my fault because I kept watching AGDQ videos and procrastinated a lot, I admit that (the high temperatures I'm having adds into that too because I become no one in the heat). But also, if you don't know, January is a month that rains a lot here in Brazil and in some cases rain equals the power going down a lot so it was hard for me to watch everything on time.

But enough excuses, let's get right into the meat of this post.

I always had a hard time with Futari wa's second half, in my mind that has always been the weakest portion of the original season, but I gotta be honest, I enjoyed the latter half more than the first one during this rewatch! Yes, I still have a problem with the change of villains and everything, to me the Dark King gets revived way too soon, and Pollun is definitely a handful. But honestly? It didn't bother me as much, at least not as much as I expected.

What this part has that put it above the first half to me is how better the fighting got. The formula is still the same, most of the cases it's just the girls being beat down until Pollun comes to the rescue thanks to the Power of Crying™ and they fire a beam of light to the enemy. The difference here is that in between these scripted points we have physical fights and some of them are top-notch, real good stuff that adds so much to this format and it doesn't make it feel stale. It also helps a lot that there were very few instances of using Zakennas for the precure portion which means they were fighting against the new generals directly in most of the cases and this is a thing I think more shows that follow the MOTW style of combat should follow.

Speaking of the new generals, here's another very glad surprise I had during this rewatch. While I still think they "lose" in terms of design when putting them in comparison with the first team, Juna, Regine, and Belzei, the Seeds of Darkness as I like to call them (because Dark Warriors is a very generic name and I don't like it), are very great villains. Maybe Juna not so much since I think he's not expressive at all and he doesn't do much, but Regine and Belzei more than compensate for him. I like this quirky of Regine's civilian form has of being quiet and shy even though she's like a living demon of darkness, I also love that whenever she transforms and her hair gets "pulled" all the way back and then bounces back in those curls I go all "YAS QUEEN, WORK MAMA". Much like Juna I feel like she doesn't do a lot, she worked on a team with him quite sometimes and it was very interesting to see in most cases, but overall her presence felt a little empty, I still love her regardless. Belzei is total final boss material, he's powerful, he's smart, he's scary, everything we need from a villain. Not gonna lie, when I saw they were going to betray the Dark King I started rooting for them because I like them more as villains than I like the Dark King.

On the side of our heroines, things got more interesting as well. I think one of the charms of this part was the period where Wisdom was captured by the Seeds of Evil, I wish we had seen the girls actively trying to locate and rescue the Guardian more times, but overall it was a good experience, it revealed he had quite a lot of personality and it wasn't just another background character from the Garden of Light. Speaking of characters with personality, Pollun was a huge part this time around and even though his selfishness was annoying, and all the whining was hard to cope with, he was great, by the end of the season I acquired an appreciation for him that I didn't know it was possible for me to have, especially seeing how terrible I remembered him being. Maybe he gets worse in Max Heart and that's the image I had of him in my mind, but he's a child and he's very genuine with his feelings which leads to one of the most touching scenes in the season during the climax battle where he sorta sacrifices himself because he loves the Precure and he wants to help them SO BADLY he's willing to do anything for them no matter how scared he is. I have mixed feelings about his powers because I thought the Rainbow Bracelets were a thing because he had the power of the Prism Stones inside him but later in the season it seems that apparently that wasn't the case and I think that's kinda off, but it doesn't tickle me off that much so I'm fine with letting this pass.

If in the first half the characters were the greatest for me, I'm glad to say the second half kept the good work going and it was just as great with the characters as well. This second half had a lot more fillers, but I feel like this isn't a problem since most of these fillers were to give some development and character for the side characters which was excellent, first because made characters that were more or less just there doing nothing in the first half be more active and feel more like real people that live in this world, and second, no filler came alone and without purpose, even in the less eventful ones either Nagisa, Honoka, or Pollun had something that they could learn from those situations. From Nagisa's brother to even their teacher, I feel like most of the side characters were explored in these episodes, and it was a delight to watch them.

Nagisa had some interesting growth, I feel like this second half was more focused on her than in Honoka, which is kinda sad but I feel like I can't complain since what Nagisa got was very good. Of course I have a problem with part of her development coming from her admiration/relationship with Fujipi, but she has a lot of moments where she's more down and she gets the opportunity to reflect about herself which I appreciate, I also realized that this could've been a relationship I could root for if only their relation had any major changes throughout the season. Sadly that's not the case, for the most part, Fujipi is there unaware of everything and just living his life, while Nagisa never dares to break the status quo and actually confess her feelings which makes this relationship be stale, though it's great for Nagisa as a person and I do think it's important for her to go through some of those emotions so I'm not as mad as I was with it during the first portion.

Poor Honoka wasn't as fleshed out in this second half, part of her development was more or less intertwined with Nagisa so she didn't have a lot of opportunities to shine, which is obviously a downside. However, they chose to pick one of her most interesting plotlines from the first half and did something that was very deep, strong, and beautiful with her feelings about Kiriya which I appreciate. But I can't deny that I wish they had done some more stuff around this, I know it's hard seeing how things happened with Kiriya in his goodbye, but since they would bring him back for the final arc I would like if they had given us more especially seeing how this relationship has left such a strong impact on Honoka.

I know it sounds awful when most of my points related to character growth involve romantic interests, but even with that element it was still pretty good to watch, and one thing that I definitely like more here than in the first half is that none of their conflicts centered around a "romantic" figure was a detriment or weakened their friendship. And to me, this is what makes this second half great, honestly. Nagisa and Honoka have their boy issues but this second half don't forget these characters have a very strong and beautiful friendship, we're always reminded of that, we're always seeing them help each other, and we're always seeing this friendship evolving and moving forward. One of my favorite moments of this season is on episode 42 that is an episode solely made to showcase this friendship and it's just so powerful and emotional, I think this episode embodies everything that Futari wa is about and it's definitely a high point in this second half, in the season, and a huge landmark for the development of our heroines.

Since I mentioned Episode 42, here are other episodes that were highlights for me in this second half:

Episode 28, the one with Honoka's Grandma story from the time of the war was very touching, and it also laid down one of the most important lessons of this show, the one about Hope and Despair going back to back and we choose on what we wanna focus the most. Yes, is a somewhat naive way to see things, but it's important nonetheless and that was just amazing. It also introduced Regine and that was also a plus. Episode 30 was awesome because it delivered on the action, it was also the point where Pollun gets the power of the Prism Stones inside him and the Precure get their new finisher that is their main attack used for the rest of the season, it was great. Episode 36 got me with mixed feelings, I love the portion where we follow the Guardian as he tries to escape, but I hate the plotline going in the side of the girls because it was another one of those stories where Mepple is an asshole but ends up as a hero in the end and y'all know how much I love that, don't you?

37 was great because it was a school play where we got to see Nagisa and Honoka acting as Romeo and Juliet, but my favorite thing about this episode was seeing the girls fight IN THEIR CIVILIAN FORM against the knight Zakennas in front of a live audience, that was just marvelous. I like episode 40 because they went all Freddie Krueger and attacked the girls on their dreams, which is always interesting. And the entire final arc, from episode 47 to 49, was very great as well. It was a strong finale, even though I had a few problems with it.

And that's pretty much it. Despite my technical problems, I really enjoyed rewatching this season, it was great for me to rediscover characters and moments that I loved and also find out new passions about this wonderful season, it sparkled something on me and now I feel like the precure flame inside me is more strong than ever. Thank you so much for sticking with me through the end of this huge post once again, I hope I can see you again in the next time. Bye folks~

#Futari wa Pretty Cure #Futari wa Precure #precure

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silvasaliva · 7 years

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Things the Types Need to Hear

ESFP: Look, I get it, you leave people in the dust because you know how crazy and all over the place your life can be and you're also crazy scared to let somebody in just to have it end up with you accidentally leaving them and both of you getting hurt, but emotional intimacy and real depth in friendships are 100% worth it in the end and it's the struggle and fight of a lifetime to keep them in your life, but it's also the greatest gift and you can't keep denying yourself that intimacy and friendship.

ISFP: I know you have a lot of great desires and wonderful dreams and they might seem too far off and too crazy and too beautiful to come true, but you have them for a reason, and you gotta stop paralyzing yourself with fear and take that first step and throw yourself into the unknown, and that's the scariest part, I know, but we both know you're braver than you look, and that your passion can make it happen.

ENFP: I know that the moment you hit an obstacle or two when you first start working towards that far off dream, it's scary and it makes you want to crumble and run away to a new thing like you think you always do, but don't! You're miles more tenacious and capable than you give yourself credit for and you've got to discipline yourself and trust that your talents and optimism can and will propel you through whatever is keeping you from your goals.

INFP: I know it's hard to feel understood and it's easy to let yourself become bitter by the ways of the world or whatever's happening, but closing yourself off to others isn't going to save you the pain. You have a natural capacity to understand others that’s hard for the other types to grasp and when you stop yourself from using that talent, or use it for selfish reasons, you're doing yourself a massive injustice.

ESTP: Listen, I totally get that the world is full of fun and interesting things and you want to experience them all, but you've got to remember that for a lot of the people that come along with you, they're there to experience YOU as much as they're there for the thing itself. Don't let yourself forget that half the fun of anything is who you're doing it with.

ISTP: I know you generally don't mean to yell or be rude when your irritated and that it's really just a passing thing and you don't generally care all that much, but just apologize to people after you've calmed down! Explain it to them and that you don't mean it! Admit to yourself that you care enough about them to try to make amends, even when you're just being a little crotchety; it means a lot to the feelers lol.

ENTP: You're a genuinely fun person to be around and you usually rack up a reputation for that, but just because you're funny and witty and damn smart doesn't mean you don't have feelings and problems that need to be externalized, and trust me, the right people will be more than willing to talk about what's really happening in your life one minute and go back to elaborate jokes the next without a problem. Don't stunt your emotional growth for the sake of brevity.

INTP: It's okay to not know what to do in an emotional situation. Like, it's genuinely okay. If somebody's opening up to you, half the time your presence and you listening is 95% of what they need in that moment. Don't avoid the situations just because it causes writer's block emotionally. Emotional availability comes with experience. You'll learn. Just, be your goofy self and the rest will come with time.

ENFJ: You've got to realize that although holding yourself to such a high standard is noble and praiseworthy, that it sometimes eclipses your ability to be a good friend when that was the goal in the first place. You're human and can't do everything for your friends that you'd want to be able to do when they need help, and profusely apologizing and beating yourself up for it just shifts the focus off of helping your friend and turns it to you. Accept your humanity, and just do what you can. They appreciate the help, I promise.

INFJ: I know you have a tendency to feel misunderstood and want people to show you that they love you and care about you, but you don't get to say you're fine AND disappear on people. Either say you're not okay and pull back, or say you're okay and stick around long enough for somebody to see through the BS. In my experience, y'all have a habit of making things a self-fulfilling prophecy, and that doesn't do you any good! Be forward, be honest, and just be vulnerable; they care more than you convince yourself they do.

ESFJ: I need to be straight with y'all. Learn how to talk about something other than your 4-5 current fixations. In my experience, N's have a crazy hard time being close with you because you keep bringing the topic back to one of your current Favorite Things™, whether it be the semester abroad you just got back from or the first date that's scheduled for two weeks from now. Expand your area of interest and you'll find people will be much more authentic with you.

ISFJ: You have this really amazing ability to notice the small things about people and that helps you show them you care about them in these really great and meaningful ways, but you can't let yourself overthink the small things you notice about people. One of my good ISFJ friends started poking around trying to see if alcoholism ran in my family after noticing I'd been drinking wine a lot recently. You might have an intention to help, but overthinking/overanalyzing like that and trying to involve yourself in helping can hurt your friendships.

ESTJ: Your presence is powerful and intense and that's great at times, but you've got to let out your goofy fun side more, and hoe we've all seen it before, you're a damn riot after a beer or two. People, in general, care more about fun than having every plan go right during the night/event. Be willing to be fun more, you're so good at it.

ISTJ: I know you get frustrated with yourself because you want to do new things and get out there and be a fun person, but the thing is, you're so much better at being a responsible, caring person. Befriend the chaotic, crazy, lovable rascals and let them bring the fun to you (or more often than not, drag you kicking and screaming to where the fun is).

ENTJ: Look, I'm an INTJ, so I know how hard this is to swallow, but showing you care about a person sometimes isn't so much giving them solutions to their problems or trying to correct an issue; a lot of the other types literally just want you to listen and hear them out. And you gotta do that sometimes, babe. And shut your damn mouth while they’re telling you everything, okay? Just. Let them finish.

INTJ: For the love of all that is holy, just cry already. Cry alone if you have to, or better yet, just go to the person you'd literally murder a thousand people for and freakin' cry about all the crap you've been bottling up for the past two months and accept that you can have razor-sharp rationale and be a damn human at the same time. And just admit that you're insecure about your relationship with that person because you care about them so much and you're not the best at trusting people.

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fish-d · 6 years

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it’s time for jade’s lnd us tour opinions

just saw the new lnd at the boston opera house, saturday 2/10 2:00pm matinee, and it was. HOOO BOY IT WAS. SO MUCH. (in a good way i promise)

cast:

the phantom: bronson norris murphy christine: rachel anne moore madame giry: karen mason raoul: sean thompson gustave: jake heston miller meg giry: mary michael patterson fleck: yesy garcia squelch: richard koons gangle: stephen petrovich

ALRIGHT ok overall numerical rating, like, 8/10, which honestly isn't something i ever thought i'd say about LND, but i guess that goes to show You Can't Like Things Ironically. or at least i can’t we gonna do Onions chronologically, for simplicity's sake, but tl;dr: they changed a Lot of good shit but there are still A Couple Things id love to see addressed before alw stops pouring his pension into it (also for brevity's sake im gonna skip anything i dont have any Strong Opinions on, so if i didnt mention a jam its bc it was inoffensively good)

ACT ONE

'til i hear you sing - bronson is so good. he's a much hunchier/gremin-ier phantom than im used to with lnd (coming from the australian production and ben lewis's Big Man Scary Eyes erik) but he does it really well. he kind of swallows his words on low notes, but MMPH the belt at the end changed my damn life. 10/10

the coney island waltz - AHHH the fleck/gangle/squelch trio was EXCELLENT in this show - fleck was a little underehearsed, but as an u/s i Dont Mind and im impressed they did all the lifts so cleanly, seeing as she is a Lot bigger than katrina kemp. the aesthetic in this number is? SO much bigger and more striking live than it is on the dvd; everything is GORGEOUS and the stage was Very alive (altho its still a little slow when they're all coming out of the bigtop) 8/10

christine disembarks - i got a snap from @sapphic-corgi abt this during intermission that just read "meg is gay for christine" and tbh i feel it. this was definitely mary's emotional highpoint here noah fence

arrival of the trio - OK HERE WE GET SOME CHANGES I LIKE: they actually gave the disembarkers a proper ramp to come down, and as one of the new yorkers calls "look, it's christine daae!", she comes out of the ramp in the fog and strikes a really beautiful pose with a really beautiful smile - and she holds it until the flashes pop and her smile vanishes. its REALLY good and a striking example of her French Facade(tm) ala "masquerade". bless that change

what a dreadful town! - ok so big changes here i really jived with, particularly pertaining to raoul - they make him nicer with each iteration of lnd and every time its a good decision. london raoul genuinely seems on the edge of hitting someone the whole musical, but us tour raoul really IS trying, and i love it ! during his first back-and-forth with christine, they embrace each other, despite raoul's frustration, and as gustave plunks away on the piano he doesn't chastise him. instead, christine asks him what he's playing, and tells him its too late in the evening for it - but raoul seems proud of his kid, which is REAL nice. and then he goes and picks up the music box and remarks on its construction and sits down to play with gustave !!! he only leaves bc he gets the summons - so gustave still gets to mourn the lost time with his father, but you never get the feeling raoul is overmuch cruel. hes just. got Issues, Man (i will say, though, sean's performance seemed rather stilted in his dialogue? like he. doesn't know his lines? there were some PAUSES i was. suspicious of)

look with your heart - rachel anne moore has a phenomenal rapport with jake (which she attributes to having a daughter roughly the same age) and they both performed this excellently - jake flubbed a line and neither of them reacted to it at all, which i think is ESPECIALLY impressive for such a young performer. (HE'S TWELVE, Y'ALL, LORD)

beneath a moonless sky - ok this was the sexiest i have ever seen this performed - its SO passionate. rachel glides between "angry", "forlorn", "horny", and back to "angry" with INSURMOUNTABLE grace, holy FUCK, and bronson's phantom is so genuinely reticent and also Very Randy the whole time that i fuckin FELT IT, MAN. none of that mournful love dirge, here, they FUCKED and they want you to KNOW. i also appreciate the change from "i had to, both of us knew why" "we both knew why" - instead, christine responds "i don't know why". i feel like that's more poignant to the situation (bc really erik has No Good Goddamn Excuse)

once upon another time - @theatricalbride wept to this. i almost fuckin did. absolutely phenomenal

the beauty underneath - ok i bought these tickets because i heard the utica boot of this song (based on the hamburg production) and it fucking lived up to the expectation. oh my GOD. the lead-in w/ the phantom reprise was phenomenal; the movement between sets was so fluid; gangle, fleck, and squelch were there being Cool as Shit the whole time (and reacting to gustave's highnotes, which was baller. u rly get the sense they're close-ish with Mister Y and i love that). erik Touched gustave a lot in a way that felt really Genuinely Phantomy and was so jazzed to be with his kid? GOD

the phantom confronts christine - bronson ripped my idiot heart out and threw it down the orchestra pit. when he reached for christine, sobbing, i thought i was going to Die Right There in the Balcony Seats

ACT TWO

why does she love me? - ok the actual song was good but i have some Onions abt mary's performance afterwards :/ im VERY fond of sharon millerchip from the australian production; she plays meg with a really honest sort of vulnerability, and her own fear of her dedication to erik makes "sail across the sea / put us out of mind / close your eyes and dream / let yourself stay blind" hit much harder - because meg is doing what she does less out of jealousy or a desire for vengeance, but out of desperation because she *doesn't know what else to do*. mary plays it... much angrier than i think the role works well with. mary's meg is Pissed about the events of lnd and it makes her later suicide attempt feel forced - because this meg would feel more natural trying to murder christine or erik intentionally, rather than herself

devil take the hindmost - the only laugh of the show was for "[pops up from behind the bar] not afraid of me, you say? B)" and tbh it was well-deserved; the timing was Excellent. sean performed much more admirably in act two, particularly here, and i could like. smell the whisky on him; he was so fucking plastered. also when erik came at him he dragged a chair between the two of them, as if to hide from him, and im STILL laughing about it - esp bc erik tossed it across the fucking room, into another chair. 3-chair casualty for this number (and my e/r heart Really Appreciated how vicious they were ehe)

mother, did you watch? - similar onions to "why does she love me?": mary just seems MAD here, and i think it does a disservice to meg, as a character P:

before the performance - 1) erik does the "angel of music" enchanting reach thing to pull christine to the mirror and give her the necklace, and its a GOOD setup for the aria, and 2) honestly i know it was in the australian production but i just want to say the "twisted every way" reprise here destroyed me, mind & body. my god. (also erik and raoul are onstage in the rafters for this so thats neat)

love never dies - so i have No Idea if this happens in any other production, but for the US tour, as christine sings, she looks back and forth at erik and raoul, who are flanking the stage/implied to be in the wings - and as she looks a little too long at erik, raoul storms off, and it looks like christine forgets the words and begins to panic - until erik reaches out, as aforementioned, and enchants her to hit those fucking stellar keychange high notes that made my heart stop fucking beating, so that was a Good Detail

ah, christine! - raoul wasn't in the mirror for the "little lotte" reprise, but i imagine that's a visibility issue (bc u Cannot see that mirror from the balcony) - but ok. they keep fixing plot holes in this, but they still left in "i know where she's taking him" from erik - literally how. how does he know. what would have Really made it is would be see raoul go with them, and for him to know where gustave was being taken because he was suspicious of/empathetic towards meg after their conversation in the bar. like their Bit before "devil takes the hindmost" FEELS like a setup for this resolution and im beefed they didn't take the opportunity to use it.

streets of coney island - OOOOH THIS WAS SO GOOD the cacophonous "beauty underneath" reprise here was wonderful, and it gives a new appreciation to the coney island set, especially now that the musical has taken a Darker tone. the frantic chase here is EXCELLENT, and its busy enough that you never see christine, giry, or the phantom until they Want you to (big shoutout to bronson’s GUSTAAAAVE holler)

conclusion - im still bothered they don't Do anything with raoul, but besides that, this scene was. genuinely heartwrenching. erik's quiet plea for christine not to tell gustave of his real parentage was SO striking. IT WAS A GREAT CONCLUSION and the fade-out on gustave stroking erik's face was SO UPSETTING (altho jake "pushed" more than tapped him and i thought for a hot second they were gonna go full sweeney todd and gustave was gonna push him into the fucking ocean)

so uhhhhh i went to this intending for it to be simple and fun entertainment i could rib later and i wept real tears ! negativity is hard to maintain in the face of incredible work and craftsmanship from literally everyone involved. fantastic fucking job; im mad this tour is moving on and i wont get to hear rachel hit those fucking high notes again

(also: everyone was lovely at the stagedoor and as much as i complained about mary here, she complimented my hair and i love her very much)

#love never dies #lnd #lnd us tour #poto #phantom of the opera #personal bullshit #ok to reblog #txt #big s/o to theatricalbride for coming with me along w/ my buddies sunny and gabrielle #caiden just happened to fucking be there lmao

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