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serenityseventeen · 3 years

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Love & Letter: To The Thirteen Boys I've Loved Before

The Eleventh Letter

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To: Boo Seungkwan

From: Y/N

Dear Seungkwan,

now that school is about to begin again, I've been thinking of you a lot. I just kept reminiscing the sweet moments we had and now, after all that reminiscing, though it's only been a few days since I rejected you, I realized this. I love you.

First things first, how are you? I hope you're doing fine.

Back to what I was saying, after this realization (that I loved you), my heart began to thump out of my chest. I feel so stupid. I'm a college student and yet, why does it seem like I do not know love? I was so sure I didn't like you as a lover but now that you and I aren't seeing each other, I miss you like crazy.

However, as much as I want to see you, I don't think I'll have the courage to talk to you. After I rejected you, I'm sure things are way too awkward between us.

I know you probably don't know this but I looked back on our text messages and sometimes, you were also online. I would see you typing out a message only for you to delete it and not send anything. Inside, I hoped that you would send me a text and see that I was viewing our chat the entire time.

I want to tell you first, I want to do everything first, but for some reason, I can't pick up the courage to do it. I know that maybe it will be better for me to make the first move and confess that I've loved you all along, but I just can't do it. Even after knowing that this love is mutual, I can't do it.

I don't know why either. I believe it's because I truly want to focus on my studies and leave college on a good note. However, at the same time, I wonder if I'm just being cowardly. I have made the first move before and I am quite confident that I can, but I just... I can't. It's a confusing feeling, Seungkwan.

I don't want to be selfish and keep you for myself but I want to be selfish and hope that maybe this selfishness would make both of us happier. We've only known each other for a few months and since summer is so short, the timing wasn't that great for us.

The only way we really met was at the cafe I worked at and the volunteer event that was hosted every week. When we did get to know each other and started hanging out, it still wasn't that much time because you enrolled in summer vocal lessons.

With so little time to get to know you, I'm not confident that we can truly become a good couple. To me, it seems like you and I are complete opposites. You're funny and loud and you can easily brighten any kind of atmosphere meanwhile I just blend in with it.

You told me that you liked me for a while and I'm sorry I didn't notice it. You continued liking me because you wanted to but even so, I feel a bit bad because, in the end, you don't even get to be with me. I like you too, Seungkwan, I just can't confess.

Is it really because I can't? Or I don't want to? I'm not sure and this feeling confuses me as well, I just can't describe it. I've always been indecisive even when I'm confident in my answers, which I know sounds stupid. I am a stupid person. I don't know how to love someone properly and it's my fault.

Anyway, back then, when you were beginning to show interest in me, I should have taken the hint. Was it near spring when you started coming to the cafe?

You would always crack a joke whenever I was the one who delivered you your coffee or took your order, and every single one of them made me smile, giggle, and laugh. I should have looked a bit closer at your expressions when you told those jokes. It wasn't until later during summer that I started noticing your sparkling eyes, heart-fluttering smile, and the way you gazed at me.

I think our romance involved only around time. When I spent time with you, I felt like I could spend all the time in the world with you, but eventually, reality hit me. We met during the summer and I have my final year of college coming soon, would being with you be a benefit? No, it shouldn't be a benefit.

Love is about loving someone just because. It's not about benefits. I think now, as I'm writing this letter, I've come to a conclusion. I just don't want to confess to you.

I think it's because I don't want the hardship of a relationship. It's not that I loved you any less than everyone else I fell for, because I do love you, but I don't want to have a relationship. My career path is chosen and I'm creating a road in front of me, will I have time for you?

Every relationship comes with hardships and sweet moments. Would the hardships be worth the sweetness? I think it will, but right now, I have to be the one who knows myself best; and I know that I need to be able to focus. Love can either help me or interfere with school.

It's not going to be easy for both of us. You told me that you wanted to go to graduate school and that you're also currently in college. If we did start dating, it would have been hard anyway. After college, I'm also going to graduate school, and I plan to go to one far far away from here.

Even if we decide that a relationship isn't for us, I want you to remember the sweet times we had. In that little time, you made me so happy without me even realizing it.

Whenever you volunteered, you were one of the hardest workers. I also always wanted to compliment your hands because to me, they looked so beautiful.

Sometimes when I needed help putting on an apron, you would not hesitate to help me. I would remember how you placed down everything and came to me to help when you saw me struggling. Instead of awkward silence, you talked to me casually while tying the strands behind my back, your touch so gentle.

That's why whenever I saw you struggling, I wanted to help too. Sorry I couldn't keep a conversation though, the silence between us was a bit awkward, but for some reason, it was also sweet. You thanked me afterward with your voice all shy and at that moment, I was a bit surprised by your cute expression and hidden shy nature.

Well, of course, I got to see more of it too.

Remember when that grandma told us we looked good together? It was during a volunteer event where we run a coffee truck and give out freebies from the cafe. You and I were operating the freebies section with a few others and an old granny came up to us.

Her eyes were a beautiful brown and she had her hair tied in a bun. She gave us such a sweet smile as we handed her the free cookie.

“I want this for my grandson,” She said, smiling sweetly.

“Your grandson? Then take another one!” You replied. You're such a smooth speaker. You can get along well with anyone, I envy you, Seungkwan.

“Really? Thank you, you must be a great son.”

As she was about to leave, her back slouched, she turned back and said, “By the way, you two match each other quite well. Are you guys perhaps...”

I remember you glancing at me with a gentle smile the shaking it off shyly. “No, we aren't...”

She apologized with another smile and then left.

It was that night that you confessed to me.

You offered to take me home and under a streetlight, you told me while scratching your head shyly, “I like you, Y/N.”

I wasn't sure of my feelings then, that's why I agreed when you offered to take me on three dates to see if I would change my mind; thinking about it makes me smile because all those three dates were fun, memorable, and warmly sweet.

The first date we went on was a bit awkward at first, but it was mainly fun. You took me to an arcade where we played a variety of games. You were extremely competitive and naturally funny. You made me laugh a lot that day and you made me comfortable. I enjoyed the time with you.

For our second date, you took me to a volleyball game. You continued rambling on and on about how much you loved sports. Even though you were just talking and watching the game, I didn't feel bored. Since you were so into the game, I became interested in it too.

After the volleyball game, you took me to a stadium and helped me learn to play. At first, each bounce would get you worried that I hurt my hand. You would keep brushing your fingers against mine. Playing volleyball was fun with you too, Seungkwan.

Our last, third date was at the amusement park. You were scared of many rides but got through with it because of me, you said. I found it cute whenever you were whining or sulking. I'm glad that you were being yourself around me.

When you were sending me home after that date, you asked me to hold hands. Your voice was so quiet and shy that I almost didn't hear you. I could tell that you were a bit doubtful that I would comply, and when I did let you hold my hand, you were smiling so brightly. I can't forget that shy, bright, beautiful smile.

Your hand was so warm.

We continued to see each other because you're a regular at the cafe. You order the same Americano.

After a few days of letting me think, you finally came up to me as I was leaving the cafe.

“Y/N,” You said, your voice sounding somewhat hopeful. “About my confession...”

I was quiet because, at that moment, I didn't have my feelings sorted out yet. I just thought that the timing wasn't right and that I shouldn't be in a relationship, and that I should focus on preparing for my last year of college.

Stupidly, I replied, “I'm sorry, Seungkwan.”

I could tell you were hurt. I couldn't explain any further about how much I liked you because I was idiotic and didn't realize it.

“It's okay. It's completely fine. I respect your choice... do you want me to walk you home?”

You continued smiling at me and talking with me but you sounded so hurt so I sent you away.

My father told me, when I visited him in the hospital a few days ago, that love is all about timing. With the amount of time we had and the amount of time we were going to get, it didn't seem like it was going to be a flower road.

The timing wasn't right.

If only I had met you not during the summer, but during a time where I had all the time in the world to spend with you... If only I had time.

I don't want to forget the memories we made. I know I'm a bit foolish and this bitter ending is partially my fault. I didn't have the right timing back then, now, and even in the future, I just know it.

Now, all I can do is sigh and reminisce.

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If only there was more time for us, maybe love could have been expandable.

From,

Y/N

7/8/21 - 11:09 am

a/n: I have to go take a test later because I'm moving to a public (high) school... I'm nervous but I'm sure it'd be fine. + Hoshi getting scared while practicing spider is so funny lol

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bellatrixobsessed1 · 3 years

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The Dragon Egg (Parts 4-6)

Long post because I neglected uploading for a few days. For @secrettunnelatla

It is all about fibs and careful twists. Change a few names and situations and suddenly Ozai is just a nameless man. A vague set of lyrics and verses on a page. A collection of words that shape the story of an abuser and his victim.

It is all the easier, picturing Zuko as the victim. Surely it can’t be her. Father treats her well; he has given her this recording studio. He has rewarded her for her three new singles with a newer car. He has given her nothing but praise for surprising him with so many new songs all at once.

Father buys her so many new stage outfits and lets her pierce her tongue and decorate it with genuine ruby. She has everything. He loves her. He is proud of her. It is only a hiccup, a lapse in judgment when he shows anything but affection. It is the alcohol that makes him smash the windows on her car. She doesn’t remember what he did it for but she knows that it was the alcohol because he has a brand new car waiting for her the next day.

And she drives it to Seicho’s house to deliver her birthday present. She will open the box and find a skateboard and tickets to see her show. Seicho is a delight and a somber presence all at once. In many ways, she reminds Azula of TyLee and that stings.

Sometimes she misses TyLee. Misses that sweet smile. Misses playing make believe in her backyard. Once upon a time, TyLee was going to be her drummer and they were going to tour from nation to nation in a bus with diamond studded tire caps. Once upon a time, she, Mai, and TyLee were going to be the rock trio that the world wouldn’t be able to forget.

And once upon a time, Mai decided that she liked Zuko more and TyLee decided that she liked Mai more. Zuko always had been the more lovable of the two. But Azula is the more successful. She has made a promise to herself that they would regret abandoning her for him when her faces is everywhere and Zuko is a sellout.

Seicho invites her inside, her friends are already there, a girl named Song, a girl named Jin, and a younger boy named Hide.

“Have a slice of cake or a whack at the pinata.” Seicho offers. She holds out a bat, wrapped with skull patterned duct tape and studded with nails. “You can have the first swing.”

Azula is sure that it would only take one good swing for the nails to shred the pinata. “I’ll have a slice of cake. I can’t stay for too long. I have a show.” There is a part of her, a very large part of her that wants more than a taste of this world. A simpler world where goals and aspirations aren’t make or break. “But I had to drop this off for you.” The skateboard in the box is expensive, it is more than enough to make up for not being able to stick around for the party.

Seicho’s face falls and Azula tells herself that it is only because she hasn’t unwrapped the gift yet. She knows that the smile is forced when she replies, “thanks, Azula. Maybe you can join us next year.”

Regret doesn’t hit her in full until she has already stepped back into her car. By now it would only be rude to change her mind and ring the doorbell again. Maybe this is why it was so easy for TyLee to choose Mai and for Mai to choose Zuko; she tends to choose her career over companionship.

She promises herself that after Audio of Agni, she will make more time for social obligations.

.oOo.

The stage doesn’t quite have its thrill tonight. The energy itself is excitedly frantic, vibrant with enthusiasm but it doesn’t quite reach Azula. It doesn’t matter, she is good at pretending. She knows what she is supposed to feel like--she has felt it before when the band was brand new, when Mai and TyLee were her backup vocalists.

So she emulates the vibe she is supposed to give off. She pretends like the crowds cheers and shouts and claps mean everything. She pretends like their liveliness gives her life too. Pretends like she can feel the music in her body and soul the same way everyone else does. But she only feels empty.

Empty and alone. A disorienting feeling when she is looking upon more faces than she can count.

All the while she sings lyrics that make her stomach squirm and her heart ache. If her father knew that he is the inspiration behind them, she’d have another song to write.

She doesn’t understand why singing these songs hurts so much. She is singing about Zuko and her father, not about she and her father. Or maybe she isn’t singing about her father at all, but a nameless father and his nameless child. Hell, it can be a mother too. Just a vague musical rendition of a dreadful parent who is merely neglectful on a good day.

It dawns upon her that she is the victim that she sings of when she finds herself getting teary on that stage. They think that it is part of the act. They think that she is a stellar actress on top of a damn good lyricist.

She doesn’t correct them. The only thing that sells more than sex is sorrow.

Things change after that. There is more attention, more interviews, more magazine photoshoots, and more simmering resentment from From Ashes To Phoenix. She basks in the limelight and relishes in Zuko’s envy. And with the spotlight shining so brightly, she can no longer see the darkness that had helped put it on her.

****

Seeing her on TV is hell. Even when she isn’t right in front of him, flaunting her riches, talents, and everything he could have had, she is still able to mock him.

These days, he can’t escape her. She is everywhere; on the radio, on the magazines, on the TV, and on posters. He even sees her in the hallways of Caldera Capital High. He sees her there, though she has been pulled out months ago for a private education tailored to her personal schedule. It is just one more thing for him to envy. He has to manage his band and school, of course his progress is slower. Sometimes stunted altogether.

And for his troubles he averages C’s and D’s--B’s if he is lucky--and music that is half done and not nearly what he had imagined in his mind. He knows that he is going to have to make a choice and he thinks that he has begun to make that choice a few months back. He has lost track of how many times he has stayed after class to discuss his grades. He wonders how uncle will take to him dropping out. Should he turn in the forms that are tucked away in his backpack and seal the deal there won’t be any turning back. He will have to make it big. It will be his only chance.

A gaggle of fangirls fawning over the brooding lonewolf with the choker and black nailpolish can only take him so far. It doesn’t leave the hallways. But he does, he evades the teachers and hall monitors and climbs his way onto the roof. Mai is already there, he can see the smoke trail.

“Want one?” She offers.

“I’ll take a drag from yours.”

Mai passes the cigarette. “Have you told your uncle yet?”

He takes his drag and passes it back. “No.”

Mai gives a little hum. “Make a decision and commit, Zuko. Either you tell your uncle that you’re dropping out or start hustling to fix your grades. You have to succeed somewhere.”

He flinches. She sounds all too similar to Azula. She sighs. “Sorry. I just worry about you, Zuko. Indecisiveness is going to ruin you if you let it.”

There are a lot of things that are going to ruin him if he lets them. To some degree he thinks that he is already ruined. That he should just fester in the failure. “I could use another drag.”

“Sure.” Mai replies.

He takes his drag and watches the smoke curl up to the mid-afternoon sky. Mai leans back with her hands behind her head.

“What are you doing up here, Mai?” He asks. “You can actually pass your classes, why are you letting me drag you down?”

“Zuko, I’ve never felt more...up. Sometimes I just need to get out of there.” She spares a glance to the door. “It’s suffocating and smells like cheap perfume and testosterone. I smoke at least a cigarette a day, gym class is pointless anyways.”

He chuckles. He feels right when he is on the roof with her. When he is with her in general. Pessimistic as she nihilistic as she is, he feels the most hopeful when he is with her. Even if it is just for a moment, Azula’s shadow doesn’t envelop and shroud him. Even if it is just for a moment, he can forget about she and her antics and everything her overachieving has helped steal from him. Even if it is just for a moment he can see, truly envision and believe in a reality where he strums his guitar before an arena full of adoring, audio hungry fans.

He makes a decision, he is going tell uncle that high school isn’t for him. That he is meant for...that he deserves better things. As the sun reaches its zenith, he decides that he will truly work for his dream.

****

The darkness floods right back in when she is away from the stage. When the lyrics that echo through the venue become a reality. She doesn’t know exactly what she has done. Maybe she has done nothing at all. He very well may just be in a bad mood. She is texting Seicho when he enters. “Hello father.” She greets with a smile.

He returns it with a blank face and folded arms. “What is this?” He slaps a piece of paper onto the table. He nods for her to read it over.

“It’s a…” she knits her brows, “a printout of our ticket sales.” She looks up from the paper. “What’s wrong with it?”

“How many tickets were sold for the first show?”

“It was sold out.”

“What about all of last week’s shows and the week before that?”

“Sold out.” She says again.

He nods. “Yes, sold out. What about last night’s show?”

Azula swallows, “1,684.”

He drums his fingers on the table. “Would you like to tell me what happened?”

She thinks that it could be a lot of things; that night had also been the night of the high school homecoming baseball game, people might have been short on cash, the time slot had been a tad earlier than usual. All of these answers seem like excuses--she should have a performance more compelling than baseball, she should have had a performance with spending money on, she should have pushed for a more favorable time slot. “It was a smaller venue.” She says at last much.

Wrong answer.

“I was selling out all of my shows.” He slaps the page and she flinches. “These aren’t metal legend numbers, they aren’t even Audio of Agni numbers.”

She wants to point out that he probably hadn’t been selling out all of his shows when his band had been as young as hers is. Instead she very quietly promises, “I’ll do better, father.” She must and she will because he is right. Only 1,684 tickets sold in a venue that could hold 2,000 people? That is embarrassing.

“Maybe if you weren’t fooling around with that tattoo artist… you won’t be seeing her anymore”

“Wh-what?” She sputters. “No, that’s not it! Seicho isn’t a distraction!” She realizes too late that she has gotten too loud.

She closes her eyes and tenses for the strike that is sure to come. When it doesn’t she cracks an eyelid. He hasn’t even closed the distance between them. She allows herself to relax. It is only then that his hand snakes out and finds her cheek.

Reflexively her own hand comes to rub it. She bites the sides of her cheeks and swallows down the cry that is waiting to come up. More than anything she hates knowing that she has failed him. That she has disappointed him. These moments are few and far between, she makes sure of that. But they are still there and she has just given herself one more ill mark. Has put herself one step closer to ending up like Zuko. “I’ll do better.” She says again when she finds the words.

It was never like this before. She glares at the empty bottles. It was never like this--he used to love her. She used to be is gleaming little star. He would yell at her, sometimes until his face went red, but he has never hit her before. She looks at the bottles, but it might be that she has finally made enough mistakes for him to see her as a splendid failure instead of his rising rockstar.

She takes out her phone and taps the screen a few times before holding it up, “see no more distractions. I deleted her number.” She forces a smile. “I needed to focus on memorizing my new material anyways.”

At last he returns the smile. The tightness in her chest slackens, giving way to an optimistic and relieved fluttering in her tummy. He ruffles her hair, “that’s my girl.” He gives her a small hug. “I should know better than to doubt you.” He smells so strongly of booze.

But she has satisfied him. She is still is gleaming little star.

#Avatar The Last Airbender #Azula #Zuko #Mai #TyLee #Azula/Background Character #Azula/Cupholder girl #Maiko #Fanfiction #2021atlasummerevent

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dontbesoweirdkira · 4 years

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Hey, it's me again, I hope you are still open for requests! You said I could ask for Mic content and, if I still can, what about some DadMic headcanons, with his own child and/or an adopted one?! Which one you prefer is fine! I hope you are doing well and thank you for the opportunity you gave me! Take care 💗

A/N: Hey you!! Thank you for requesting, it means a lot that you like my present mic work. And yes, you most definitely can have some DadMic headcanons. If you have any more requests just let me know. I did hours worth of homework and it deleted so i’m kind of like forget school and imma become a professional headcanon writer so honestly hit me up with as much stuff you want :)))))))

(i kind of wrote this like you are in the ages of like 6-10 so just keep that in mind)

-I feel he would have his child out of wedlock, maybe when he was younger out partying things got a little crazy then bam, next thing he knows he has a child with no mom and no idea what to do.

-cAlLs AizAwa

-No but He’s a great Dad honestly, although he's clueless sometimes, he tends to figures things out fairly quickly

- At first it was really hard for him since he had this baby, a new hero career, and the whole world trashing on him, he totally broke down a few times and wanted to give up. BUt aizawa and his other friends helped him through and encouraged him

-You’re his little sunshine and HE LOVeS yoU tO death

-calls you literally any pet name that is very soft and cute and innocent

-He buys evErything for you, i swear! If you just look at something for more than two seconds, it’s in his cart and he’s buying it for you

-”dad you don-”

-”shh pumpkin, let daddy buy it for you.”

-your room is filled with what every girl wants to have

-He learns to do your hair, no matter the texture or thickness or length, he’ll watch youtube videos and figure it out

-he lets you do his hair as well, braiding it, curling it whatever, he’s totally fine with it. JuSt DoNt CUt iT

-New school year and you need new clothes?? Yeah over 1,000 dollars worth of stuff brought.

-speaking of school, sometimes you get comments and stuff from teachers or students because you might not look like him or because you don’t know who your mom is, ect.

-At first when you were younger, it didn’t hurt you, you couldn’t understand that anyways, but as you started to get older it affected you more and more until one day you came home crying to present, and it literally breaks his heart

-”Daddy, why isn’t my skin as light as yours, and my hair isn’t as thin? The other kids make fun of me for it...it really hurts me. And WHere is mom? Does she not love us? You’re really sweet i don’t know why she doesn’t want to be with you…”

-”why are you asking this?”

-”The kids and teachers at school…”

-RAGE MODE ACTIVATED

-He literally storms down to your school and demands that the questions and comments stop or he’s going to press charges

-Never ever was asked about any of those things again...well, more or less, sometimes you hear teachers or students whispering or makings sly comments but you chose to ignore those things

-”DONT YOU EVER TALK TO ME OR MY LITTLE CUTIE PIE EVER AGAIN.”

-HUGs!! He hugs you like all the time everyday when he sees you. Like it’s his way it’s saying i love you although he screams that to you all the time

-”Y/N MY LITTLE GIRL,” *jump hugs* “I LOOOOOOOVveevVVEVVEvevV Ee YOuuUUUUUUOoUUUU”

- PROTECCS YOU AT ALL COSTS

-Like when the world found out that he had a kid, and he was still kind of a kid himself with a just starting a career, he kind of got shitted on a whole lot...by everyone and the press is always writing stories and stuff so when you were old enough to read or understand some stuff he’d often keep TV off or keep you away from the press and media although that became harder when you had to go outside and go to school but as much as he can limit that crazy stuff you see, he’ll do it.

-He makes sure you can defend yourself and as soon as you get your quirk, he’s training you. He will never push mega hard however he makes sure that the training is vigorous enough that when danger comes...you’re ready

-Being a pro hero’s child can mean you’re in a lot of danger, people want to kill or kidnap you to hurt the hero so he’s constantly worries and on you about safety

-If your quirk is similar to his, skskkdnjsk he literally will SCREEEEEEEE, he thinks it’s so awesome you have a quirk like his and he will make sure that the both of you will annoy Aizawa

-As much as Hizashi spoils you, you had to grow up a whole lot quickly. Even though he’s an underground hero and kinda works on his on time, his job is still quite demanding and he has to be gone a lot so that means you need to learn how to cook, clean, do your homework, etc. on your own so if anything happens (god forbid) you know how to take care of yourself. when you were younger tho he’d have a babysitter/nanny to look and take care of you while he’s at work

-Although when he is home he cooks and does all of that stuff. HE'S A REALLY GOOD COOK??????? Like seriously and don’t let me get started on the pastries he makes...mmmm yummm…

-only burnt down the kitchen once...Don’t tell Aizawa plez ;-;

-He actually feels very very bad about leaving you at home a lot with responsibility, he’s all about fun and really just being a kid so he always apologizes to you and plans something super fun when he’s off of work. Like laser tag, going out for ice cream, or just building forts at home. He makes sure you have a balance

-He might’ve brought you a puppy so you would have a friend, you let him name the puppy and now you have a “Mr.Ruffkins” running around your house

-He let’s you have girls night which is basically just you and him and sometimes a friend, and you guys just paint each other nails, put bows in each others hair, all the girly stuff, and just talk about anything.

-It’s his way i guess to make up for the mother-daughter time you don’t have in your life

-Cute picnics at the park with a bunch of snacks and you guys will just feed the little duckies and animals

-Brings you around his agency or to his radio show all the time, like everyone that works there knows and loves you a whole lot. You even have a mini cute pink desk with a name tag on it.

-You have a little segment on his show called “LittleMic and PresentMic” and you guys just talk about crazy weird stuff and reach out to single Dads who are also raising up kids. It’s super cute i swear.

-Aizawa is your tired uncle that says he hates coming over but he comes over like everyday and eats all your food while watching TV on the couch

-He’s the best uncle though but he’s super blunt. So sometimes you go to him for advice or just to talk. He adores you though and checks on you while DadMic is at work or something.

-Aizawa call you “Kiddo” or “littleMic” or just “y/n”

-Present lets you pick out his new tattoos, and one time he let you draw one….now he has a crooked purple butterfly on his arm...it’s all good tho

-Father daughter danceeeeee ya ya ya! You guys bring the moves and the music to the dance floor like get out the mf way swines.

-He picked out your dress and you picked out his suit, he even let you do a little man bun

-sometimes when you guys are just chilling at home, you will play some of your favorite classics, and you will step on his feet and he’ll dance, you guess may have fell like twice.

-speaking of music and dancing, he will turn up all of the pop jams that you love (slipping some of his rock n’ roll faves) THROW candy all through out the house and both of you are dancing in weird costumes while singing

-”I LOOOOOOOOvvEEEE ROcKKK N ROLLLLL SO PUT ANOTHER DIME IN THE JUKE BOX bAE bEEEEEEBHEDB”

-You are very much involved in music and he showed you how to make your own mixtapes, playlists, and how to DJ on your own

-piggy back rideeeesss yuuuuhhhhh. When you’re feeling sad he randomly picks you up, twirls you onto his back and runs around the house yells

-”WOOOOOSSSHHHHHH MEGA JET FLYING A SAD PASSENGER, MOVE OUT OF THE WAY WOOOOOSSHHHSHSH”

-Usually does this until you’re laughing and playing along with him

-”KrrSHH THIS IS FLIGHTER PILOT Y/N WITH MY TRUSTY JET YAMADA ON MY WAY TO DESTROY THE ENEMY PLANE, ANyoNE copPY?”

-one time you like dressed up like him for halloween and it was lit. hair somehow slicked up, black leather jacket and some headphones...wooo child you looked cool

-”PRESENT MIC MAY I GET YOUR AUTOGRAPH???”

-”nO PapArazzi PleAse”

-I feel as though you’d be bilingual, Japanese and English. I feel at home it’ll lean more towards English although there’s a hint of Japanese in there

-He rarely gets mad at you but if he did, it’s probably because you put yourself in danger or something of that sorts

-If you cannot sleep, he’ll let you sleep with him and he’ll have blue clues playing in the bakground to help “sooth you” (he enjoys that show very much”

-”THE CLUE IS RIGHT THERE BLUEEEE”

-”dad? I-”

-Tells you stories about his high school/early life and gives you advice

-”in conclusion do not throw a pumpkin at a security guard or you might get hurt...okay love bug?”

-The sweetest thing ever, like he randomly makes weird faces or says random things to make you laugh

-Forehead kisses or little cheek kisses

-Twirls you around and says “Ah my little princess looks lovely today”

-OMG TICKLE FIGHTS I SWEAR YOU’RE GASPING FOR AIR SOMEONE HELP YOU BUT LIKE ITS FUN

-You help him choose outfits when he’s indecisive

-”take away the scarf and go with the graphic tee and maybe the black boots instead of the red ones”

-”Look at my child, a fashion Icon.”

-He let you decorate the house so now there’s glitter, pink stuff, rainbows and sparkles all around the house but it’s super cute.

-Many cute photos of you guys in macaroni picture frames.

-HE TAKES PICTURES OF EVERYTHING LIKE STACKS OF PHOTOS SMHHH TAKE THE CAMERA AWAAAAYYYYY

-Being Present’s Child would be super cute and mega fun. He’s one of the most interactive loving dads out there, you would never feel lost or lonely for a second. Seriously he is the dad that we all wanted/ needed as a kid lmao.

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devil-kindred · 4 years

Text

Get to Know Me - raisinghellinotherworlds

Saw @pd3 do this and though I’d give it a go!

1. Name : Siren (it’s a pseudonym!)

2. Nationality: American

3. Age: 27

4. Birthday: January 29th

5. Zodiac sign (or your primal zodiac sign): Aquarius

6. Gender: Female

7. Sexuality: Heterosexual

More below the cut

[[MORE]]

8. Your looks (add a picture or describe yourself)

For the record this is the only recent picture of myself I like and this is about as much of my face as you’ll ever see bc I know my angles.

9. What do you/did you study?: I went to school for a Bachelors in Arts with and emphasis on Sciences but never finished it bc 1) college is expensive and 2) I don’t know what I want to do career-wise so there’s not a point in going back anymore.

10. What’s your current job like?/What job would you like to have?: I’m a service desk associate at a department store. Something where I could deal with less people bc boy does this job push my patience sometimes.

11. What is your birth order?: Firstborn/Oldest.

12. How many siblings do you have?: Technically four, but only two living.

13. Do you have good relations with your family?: My immediate family. My siblings are closer to each other (but they’re only two years apart) but we get along. I also have a good relationship with my parents though I’m not as close to my mom as I could be it’s hard to forget the not nice things your parent say to you as a kid.

14. How many friends do you have?: Lots though only a few I see/talk to on a regular basis.

15. Your relationship status: Single.

16. What do you look for in a SO?: Intelligent, kind, has a sense of humor.

17. Do you have a crush?: I guess.

18. When was your first kiss?: WHY *sighs* I was... 25.

19. Do you prefer serious and meaningful relationships or casual dating/one night stands?: I’ve... never been in an actual relationship? I’d like to say serious.

20. What are your deal breakers? Being rude, cheating, and treating me like a child/you know what’s best for me/someone in need of saving (new flash, i am not your princess peach/some damsel in distress. If you need to rescue someone I am not your girl).

21. How was your day?: It’s still early into the day and I go to work in about an hour and a half and I get to close so we’ll see!

22. Favourite food & drink: French Fries. Or anything with potatoes. I’m a fiend. And Dr. Pepper or Coffee.

23. What position do you sleep in?: On my side/stomach on the part of the bed that’s against the wall.

24. What was your last dream about?: It was... highly NSFT and no, I will not go into detail.

25. Your fears: I’m not a fan of spiders or bugs of any kind really, I hate clowns, and I don’t like thunderstorms. Or tornados.

26. Your dreams: Move, either out of state or out of the country.

27. Your goals: See above.

28. Any pets?: A bird, Momo.

29. What are your hobbies?: Writing, playing video games, and reading (fanfic or books)

30. Any cool places in your area?: I’m sure there are but I live in a town surrounded by corn and other farmland so... it’s anyone’s best guess.

31. What was your last awkward situation?: The other day when a customer stared at me for a solid three minutes when I explained that due to the pandemic we’re no longer offering one of our services in an effort to reduce contact.

32. What is your last regret?: That I didn’t realize the true nature of some people who I no longer speak to sooner.

33. Language/s you can speak: English, Spanish (I’m so rusty though), a little bit of French, and a teeny tiny bit of Japanese.

34. Do you believe in astrological stuff? (Zodiac, tarot, etc.): I believe in my many things so yes.

35. Have any quirks?: Uh... I mess with my hair when I’m nervous? & the more nervous I get my (already high) voice gets higher and will go up several octaves the more nervous I get?

36. Your pet peeves: People in my apartment building slamming the front door all the damn time.

37. Ideal vacation: Somewhere with nice scenery and where it’s calm.

38. Any scars?: Quite a few small ones on my head from a car accident when I was just a baby (I went through a window- got a few scrapes but other than that was unharmed) and one on my hand (it’s on both sides of my hand too) from when I was toddler and got bit by a dog.

39. What does your last text message say?: “I’ll let you know when I get some gameplay posted!” I have a sideblog for casual TS4 gameplay. Was telling a friend that I was going to post new stuff soon.

40. Last 5 things from your search history: No thanks! It’s all just checking if a word is really a word and spelling anyways.

41. What’s your [Device] background?: Lockscreen is a wallpaper from FFXV ft. The Chocobros; Hope Screen is Sam & Evie.

42. What do you daydream about?: Writing mostly.

43. Describe your dream home: Decent amount of space, a library room to hold all my books... good lighting, comfy.... preferably NOT in the middle of nowhere.

44. What’s your religion/Your thought about religion: I am not a fan. Particularly of Christianity but everyone has their own beliefs and in that regard, to each their own. Just don’t try to convert me bc the answer is f*ck no.

45. Your personality type: INFP.

46. The most dangerous thing you’ve done?: Climbed onto the roof of the shed when I was little because I got something stuck up there.

47. Are you happy with your current life?: For the most part!

48. Some things you’ve tried in your life: Gymnastics, Ballet, etc.

49. What does your wardrobe consist of?: Lots of t-shirts, jeans, shorts, flats, boots, etc.

50. Favourite colour to wear?: Black or Blue.

51. How would you describe your style?: Extremely casual.

52. Are you happy with your current looks?: Kinda? I really need to cut my hair because it’s gotten so long it’s annoying. But I can put up with it until it’s safe again bc pandemic. My hair is not that important I assure you.

53. If you could change/add something to your appearance - impossible or not - what would it be?: Oh God, could I be taller? Like at least 5’3”? Which is still teeny but better than my 4’9” ass.

Do you have any piercings or tattoos?: I have 3 piercings and three tattoos (two finished, one in progress)

55. Do you get complimented often?: Maybe? I’m oblivious to the point that you could have a flashing neon sign with the compliment written on it and it would probably still go over my head.

56. Favourite aesthetic?: Biker Chic!

57. A popular trend that you dislike: Neon.

58. Songs you’re currently obsessed with?: Blessed Be - Spiritbox.

59. Song you normally wouldn’t admit you like: If I like a song, I like it. But if I have to pick one, I know everyone hates Despacitio. I know, ok but I really like the original version bc I like the sound. Latin music always has a fun groove to it.

60. Favourite genre?: Rock & Metal.

61. Favourite artist/band/genre?: Type O Negative, Pallbearer, Ice Nine Kills. Give me all the goth rock/metal and just fun metal in general.

62. Hated popular songs/artists?: Oh boy... don’t hate me but I um... don’t care too much for T Swift? And I’m not a fan of country.

63. Put your music on shuffle and list first 5: Devil’s // Door - VCTMS, Karasu - The GazettE, Path - Apocalyptica, I Walk the Line - Halsey, Drumming Song - Florence + the Machine

64. Can you sing or play any instruments?: I can kinda play bass but I’m still learning so it’s just like... the very bare basics.

65. Do you like karaoke?: I’m very self-conscious so no.

66. Own any albums?: Yes, though majority are digital.

67. Do you listen to radio? What stations?: Yes. I have it on for background noise in my room in which case I don’t pay attention to it, but I have XM radio in my car where I listen to Octane/Liquid Metal/Turbo.

68. Favourite movie/series?: The Dark Knight trilogy or Hellraiser or Nightbreed.

69. Favourite genre of movies/books/etc: Horror, Sci-fi, and fantasy.

70. Your fictional crush/es: Too many. Look at my OCs and their SO’s and you’ll find a bunch of them.

71. Which fictional character is you?: My friends would say Mira Jane from Fairy Tail. My bestie says Mercedes from Fire Emblem Three Houses (minus the devout part bc... I do not have nice feelings re-religion. You do you though!).

72. Are you a shipper? List your otps, if so: Yes, and once again you’ll be reading for eternity. So I’ll sum it up as too many to list.

73. Favourite greek god?: Apollo.

74. A legend from where you live that you like: It’s said that before big disasters happen in the town I live in + the surrounding areas, that you’ll see a panther. Supposedly one has been seen before at least 4 different bad things that have happened over the years. I’m in the midwest though so take that as you will.

75. Do you like art?: I do but I don’t really have a favorite. ... I am kinda partial to Van Gogh though.

76. Can you share your other social media?: I have a Pinterest but since my other social media has my name (which I also share with an OC whoops. That’s what I get for being indecisive and going the first name the name generator gave me) I’d rather not. If you ask and we’re friends I’ll probably give it to you but...

77. Favourite youtubers?: I don’t really watch too many anymore but I’ve been watching a lot of jacksepticeye’s gameplay. Aside that I tend to just watch channels like PlayStation Access or Outsidexbox.

78. Favourite platform?: Instagram

79. How much time do you spend on the internet?: More than I should, I’m sure.

80. What video games have you played? Which one’s your favourite? Uh, if I had to list them all you’d literally be reading this for eternity. To sum it up, I mostly play RPGs/JRPGs, open-world, survival horror (my fave), and a few (emphasis on few) FPS. Favorites are (once again with a limit): Bioshock, Dragon Age, Mass Effect, Until Dawn, Silent Hill 2, and Fatal Frame.

81. Your favourite books (manga also counts): do you know how f*cking hard this question is as someone who’s a bookworm? Ok, ok um... Gotta have a limit or I’ll never shut up... um... Three favorites: The Night Circus by Erin Morgenstern, Horns by Joe Hill, and American Gods by Neil Gaiman.

82. Do you play board/card games?: On occasion! They’re best with bigger groups but alas, my apartment is rather small and I don’t have a lot of space for multiple people so I don’t play them often.

83. Have you ever been to a night marathon in cinema? No, but it sounds fun.

84. Favourite holiday: Halloween!

85. Are you into dramas?: As in, tv dramas? Kinda? I have a friend on lived in SK for a time and got into K-dramas so I watch them with her from time-to-time when she visits.

Would you use a Death Note if you had one?: No.

87. What changes would you make in the world, no matter how impossible, if you had the power to?: Oh boy... make everyone get along, ensure everyone could live their life to the best possible, etc.

88. Could you survive a zombie apocalypse?: Possibly.

89. If you had to be turned into a paranormal being, what would it be?: I’m going with mythical instead of strictly paranormal but... a vampire!

90. What would you want to happen to you after your death?: As in to my body? Cremate me. To my stuff, give my books to a good home and take care of my bird.

91. If you had to change your name, what would be your pick?: Most people call me by my middle name already since I got tired of people calling me the wrong name (& I like my middle name better) and insisting my first name was actually a nickname (it’s not, it’s the same as the musician I’m named after) so if I were to eventually be bothered enough, I’d have it legally changed to my middle name.

92. Who would you switch your life with for a week?: I don’t know to be honest. I’m fairly happy with my life so I think I’d just not switch.

93. Pick an emoji to be your tattoo: 🌊

94. Write 3 things about yourself - only one of them must be true: I took karate classes for several years, I’ve never dyed my hair, I’ve had two jobs thus far.

95. Cold or hot?: Cold I guess? If we’re talking in reference to seasons give me cool (aka Fall).

96. Be a hero or be a villain?: Hero because being a villain would mean I’d have to be mean to people and I can’t even pick the mean options in video games without feeling guilty so...

97. Sing everything you want to say or rhyme?: um... no? I’m not quite certain what this means but I’m going to go with no?

98. Shapeshifting or controlling time?: Shapeshifting!

99. Be immortal or be immune to everything aside from natural death?: Immortal.

#get to know me #get to know siren #my face #please DON’T REBLOG #my apologies to anyone on mobile #i put a read more and it shows up if i view my blog in my web browser but isn’t showing when i view it in the app!

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lightwoodreborn · 3 years

Text

~Cold Food in bed~ Peter + Nasir

"Is this a new tradition that we are making? Eating naked in bed?" Nasir asked as he passed him the container with a fork. After the bath, both gentlemen went to bed and cuddled as planned. They didn't wake up until hours later when empty stomachs got their attention; more like Nasir's and he woke up the sleeping beauty. It had been hard to so after such a joyful slumber with Nasir's head on Peter's big forest of hair. God did he miss the man and his presence. It was easy to get lost in the feeling and not wanting to let it go.

This was fun though, eating and spending more time with the man of his life. "So did resolved all your issues oversees?"

"Why not? I have one of the most beautiful men by my side giving me food in the most comfortable room in the loft." Peter winked before taking the container and the fork. He opened the box and started to eat like he had not in days. Once his mouth was clear, he smiled back at his husband.

"For the most part. Once you are declared dead, you have a lot of things to fix." Peter said. "Each thing is a long process and it has taken me years to solve a lot of of them. I guess this is what you call rich people problems." Peter said before going for another few bites.

"You are really overdoing it with the compliments." Nasir chuckled and chuckled again as Peter ate like a caveman, which was a little funny considering how oddly modern Peter was when Nasir was more stuck in the past.

"Oh I believe you. I have seen some of the paperwork you and Derek have had to fill and how much he disliked it." Nasir commented before started to fill his mouth with food.

"I can stop if you want me to, but we both know you don't want me to." He chuckled and took a few more bites. He then adjusted his legs and put the container down and put a pillow behind his back. "So many papers yes...and there is still a lot left, but anyway there are some things we need to work on, like the farm, your career outside of hunting and the pack. Catch me up on all of that." Peter said and grabbed the container and took another few bites.

"Of course not. I'm just teasing." He said and gently rubbed his foot with his. "You really want me to work with the farm? I'm not really that though. Are you sure I could be of much help?" He asked him. He had visited the farm and played with the horses. He also had stayed there for a new or two. He let someone else do the important work because he really did not know that much about it.

"Pack is doing fine. Cameron is still in Australia, so Sam and I are till in charge but you could take a prominent role now that you are here." He told him.

"And Jobs well...still working on that. I'm just being indecisive and it is messing with me a little. I have to also speak to Jai and arrange everything else." Nasir said and the more he spoke, the more he panicked. Anxiety was not something the werewolf could heal with the healing factor and it sucked pretty badly.

Peter rubbed his foot back with his and just smiled back at him. "I could teach you. You have always been a fast learner. You did learn enough to just need one of our neighbors to help you with it." Peter claimed and took another bite. However, he put the container down and took his husband's hand and kissed the back of it before letting their hands intertwine. He held it firmly and strongly as if he was trying to absorb his anxiety.

"You do know there is no rush right? You have time on your side. You also have your family and myself as well. I know well I demand a lot from you at times, but that's only because I love you and I want a safer live for the both of us and our family." the wolf told him. "The pack thing won't be an issue and I'm sure we can settle everything else with time." He said and then chuckled.

"Not like we need the money. I'm filthy rich. Daddy rich and you are too. We really don't need to work in a way

"True...I just want to be of more help I suppose. You left and left me in charge so while I used their help I knew I could do more." Nasir said. The beta wolf found some relief in the other's gesture, embracing and accepting his warm and sense of safety. It did reduce his anxiety, just a little. "You don't make too many demands...I just want to make you happy, but also work for that future that I know we both want. After all the live we live can be a little exhausting as it is. It is just a lot of work, ya know leaving all of that." He said and leaned in to peck him, but then stopped.

"Don't call yourself that." He said as his eyes narrowed and he rolled his eyes. "As much as I would like to be in bed all day and eat, money will end eventually."

"You are great with the physical, but the technical and science part I could teach you more off if you are interested." He said and gently scratched his chin with a finger. "Are you sure? Because I may add you to grow that beard a little more." He chuckled and leaned in to peck his lips. "It is exhausting, but I don't want you to burn out worrying about everything. You already worry enough, even more than me." And Peter was a worrier, even when he didn't make it look like it.

"Why not?I It is not a false statement." He said, "Just like the money ain't ending anytime soon. However, I do enjoy teaching, corrupting students with philosophy." He chuckled.

"Yeah...you could." He chuckled, but it was because of the other' treating him like a pup scratching his beard like that. It was why he smiled into the kiss. Peter just had a play with words. "You should follow your own advise there" He said and leaned in and gently caressed his hairy chest. "This was a good pillow, sorta made me forget about all of my anxieties and yours." He said and kissed his left pec.

"Still. I don't like calling you daddy." The werewolf then patted his chest. "Stop making minions. You are not an evil lord with money."

"We could make an effort together then...both about hair and about not exhausting ourselves." Peter said, one hand gently caressing Nasir's scalp while the knuckles gently waved through his hair. "We will figure everything out, so our children have nothing to worry about...and so you can call me daddy when they are around." Peter said, the laughter building up on his chest making his head vibrate on the other's head.

"And I am an evil lord with money because you are my partner in crime." He said and pecked his lips again.

"I can totally do one and try on the other." He chuckled as he relaxed on his chest. He really missed this, way more than he thought. It was why it was so hard to pull away to take a bite from his second love: food. "You really like the tittle don't you?" He chuckled as he swallowed. Children though? That's plural?" he asked since it was obviously more than one. Anything else, like the evil lord joke, it was just that a joke. However, he knew that a lot of what he had said was true.

"Well...we have indeed committed some crimes together." Nasir said and took another bite.

His eyebrows went up "I wonder which one you are talking about." Peter said with a light laughter. "Well ever since I found out that I'm a father to not one, but to two children the tittle just came up naturally. " Peter shrugged but had a clear smile on his face. "But you are right, I was not talking about Jackson and Milo...unless you don't want more than just them." Peter said and grabbed his container and took a bite. "As my partner in crime, you could just be a parent of two." He wouldn't be mad if they didn't have more children, but he did want more children. He wanted to actually experience what his sister had stolen from him. He didn't care what reason she had, but she stole probably the best years of his existence. Just the thought of it made him mad enough that he needed to take a deep breath to calm himself and be present in the moment with his husband.

"You will find out soon." Nasir winked and took picked the fried yuca and took more than half of it into his mouth. He was glad he didn''t take the whole thing. "You are right, but you know what I mean Pete." Nasir said, but he swallowed hard and started to take the topic seriously. "Well...Milo is mostly neutral with me, but Jackson that...." Nasir shook his head and tried to make up words and found nothing to say until a few seconds later. "He is a work in progress. " He said and took another bite. "I also don't really consider them my children. Hard to...especially with Jackson." The beta werewolf told him. "I mean I..." He stopped himself as soon as he felt a spike from the opposite direction. It was why he reached for his thigh. "You ok?"

Peter looked at him confused, at least pretended to be. His brain easily caught up with the conversation so Nasir wouldn't feel like he wasn't heard. "Hm yeah...yeah. Jackson is a piece of work. I don't blame you for feeling the way you do." Peter told him. "Same for Milo." He thought that maybe Nasir was too young still to think of parenthood. Jackson was his age and Milo was not that far behind. "I hope I'm not making you feel a certain way by somewhat forcing them on you by the nature of our relationship. " The older man said and took another bite.

Nasir gently rubbing his thigh. He would take his word. He knew he would tell him later if anything. It was why he focused on the subject on hand. It was a very important subject that could define their future. "I do not. Don't worry." He said before leaning forward and pecked his lips. "It is hard...for the both of us, for you more than me anyway. Do you think we should work that out first before we even have one of our own?" Nasir asked. "And don't worry, I want one, so don't ever worry about that." Nasir smiled. He had many reasons to want to be a father.

Peter knew what Nasir was doing. It was something he was learning to love about him.There were times he confronted him about it, but it seemed Nasir had learned to wait and give...just has he had done years ago. It was crazy how he showed him the positives he had by being a mirror. "You do? You don't think you are too young?" He asked. It was a legit questions, partly because of the age difference and the other part for every other stressful factor that kept nagging at them. "It is still hard on you. I'm surprised you have not kicked Jackson's ass."

"I don't? He shrugged. "But I'm not saying I want it now. You can't get me pregnant of course, but down the line and I'll be a few years older anyway so I won't be so young." Nasir chuckled and pulled his hand away so he could go back to eating. "Oh it has come close, but I have grown used to his insults. After a while they got old...but we are making progress. We ate dinner the other day and it could have been worse. I mean we made it and he took me back home so..." He shrugged.

Peter gasped. "I can't?" Peter then chuckled. He knew they were talking about a serious issue, but he couldn't be him if he did not throw some joke or sarcastic remark into it. "You are right, though if age is a problem. You could always get me pregnant." Peter said with a teasing smile. He knew Nasir would probably roll his eyes or nudge him back. "But serious now...I'm glad you and Jackson have done some progress. I believe we are in the same boat when it comes to that, though he at least lets me give him company even if it comes with the bag of insults. Milo in the other hand is far more welcoming. He would prefer not to have my company, but he doesn't reject me or push me away. He just gives me a lot of sarcastic comments for the most part"

And Peter was right because he did both, he rolled his eyes and nudged him with his foot. His mouth open to lecture him about joking on a serious topic, but the werewolf thankfully brought it back around. "Sounds like you made a lot of progress...but it is going to be a long one. I hope you don't lose it over it. I can't be easy being you when it comes to them." Nasir said. He knew Peter could handle it. He had his moments, and even if those moments he was there for him.

Peter just chuckled at Nasir proving him right. He loved it when he could predict the other's actions. Nasir was just so easy to read sometimes. "It is...and it is no surprise. To them I probably abandoned them and even with my sister being at fault...what can they do with that? It doesn't fix or do anything. She is dead so none of us can confront her." He felt himself fume over it again. He became aware of it quickly. It was why he took a deep breath. "I hope, whoever is out there, has mercy on me and lets me have some form of relationship with them."

Nasir put his hand on Peter's thigh as soon as he felt his anger spike again. "I hope so too...I know that's what you want and I know you love them, even when you have been absent from each other's lives." He said and then leaned in and kissed his shoulder. "It is also how I know you will be a good daddy to our future children." And yes he said the tittle on purpose to see if he could pull the man back from his anger.

Peter put his hand over Nasir's. "You are too sweet and kind to me. Too kind to daddy" Peter said and pecked his lips and ended with a smirk. "One could only hope that you are right. I don't know what the future holds for us, but hopefully it is more good than bad." Peter sighed.

"Don't make me regret using those words." Nasir said with another roll of eyes. "Whatever it is, I'll be here for you and we will deal with it together." He said with a confident smile.

"I won't." He said and slowly took the container with one hand and put it on the table. "And we will." Peter said and did the same with the other container. The werewolf then slowly moved until he was hovering over Nasir . "We will." He repeated and kissed him deeply.

~The End~

#Cold Food in bed

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svtskneecaps · 4 years

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Darling, We’ve Got Time : Part 10

Vernon and Seungkwan’s little group of time state deserters has been leading Seungcheol’s team of time agents on a Tom-and-Jerry chase through the timestream for what may have been the entirety of their career–different setting, same result–but the tides are starting to shift. Things aren’t adding up to the time agents, and all the deserters can hope is to sow enough seeds for them to finally put the pieces together.

(Seventeen Time Travel AU; no reader)

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They told Seungcheol a small lie and met Public Enemies One and Two of the Time State at a quaint cafe in Los Angeles.

“Chan tells us you started to notice,” Vernon said seriously, fingers laced together like they were at a business meeting and he was wearing a suit instead of an oversized Hawaiian shirt.

“We keep forgetting things,” Mingyu said, a coffee going cold in his hands. “Why?”

“That’d be the time state,” Seungkwan said. “Any memories containing feelings going slightly deeper than casual comradery get wiped during regular checkups. Any memories containing amicable feelings towards a deserter also get wiped, which is why you don’t know us.”

“So you knew us?” Minghao asked.

“Sort of, yes.” Vernon took a sip of his drink. “Enough to know your fascination with the sixties, anyway. How’d you enjoy Woodstock, by the by? You never said.”

“It was amazing. The part I managed to catch, anyway.”

“And that’s how you know all this stuff about us?” Mingyu asked.

“Yeah. All of us worked with you guys’ team at some point, before we figured out the whole ‘wiping’ thing and dipped,” Vernon said.

“Obviously the time corp wasn’t super enthused with the idea,” Seungkwan said, snickering. “Who’d have guessed?”

“But anyway.” Vernon set his drink on the table and leaned forward. “Now that you know the truth, what comes next?”

The time agents looked at each other. Honestly, Mingyu didn’t think he knew. He hadn’t gotten past ‘getting answers’. He didn’t think he could stay and keep forgetting, but he didn’t know if he’d be able to desert if Minghao planned to stay behind.

Evidently, the others saw their indecision. “Come with us,” Seungkwan offered. “You can meet the rest of the gang for real. If you decide to go back, we’ll jump you to this exact moment with Captain Cheol none the wiser.”

And Mingyu looked at Minghao and recognized the decision in his eyes, the decision he felt deep in his own bones.

“Okay,” they said.

Seungkwan’s face split open into a grin and he rolled up his sleeve. “Man, they’re gonna be thrilled. Fair warning, nobody expected to get another newcomer this early. Reactions could be mixed.” He spun dials on his watch with a practiced ease that Mingyu watched curiously (he’d never seen anyone work a handheld up close). “Alright, everybody hold on.”

They formed a hand holding chain around the table, and Seungkwan pressed the button. With a roar like thunder, the table vanished.

As did the chairs, dumping them onto the ground.

“Ah,” Seungkwan said, picking himself up and brushing the dust off. “Guess I didn’t consider the possibility that the chairs would have moved.”

Vernon bumped his side. “This is why I usually choose the jump times.”

Seungkwan shoved him right back.

Seokmin came barrelling out of a nearby building, skidding to a stop in front of them. “Lee Seokmin,” he said, thrusting his hand out for them to shake.

“We know,” Minghao said, but shook anyway. “Xu Minghao.”

“We know,” Jeonghan echoed, coming out of the building at a more reasonable pace, Jun and Chan following behind him.

“Well, did you know I was almost crowned King Arthur in medieval England?” Seokmin said, crossing his arms.

Mingyu blinked. “No.”

“Didn’t think so!”

“So that’s the kind of stuff you guys get up to?” Minghao asked. “Screwing around with timelines everywhere?”

“Time fixes its own holes,” Jun said. “For example, nothing we’ve done has made the Titanic miss the iceberg, and we’ve tried pretty much everything. There’s no worry about mucking up the timeline.”

“So the time state was lying?” Mingyu asked. “I spent years of my life training for a lie?”

Jun shrugged. “We all did. It’s just profitable for them to control all of time travel. If they perpetuate the myth that reckless time travelling could destroy life as we know it, they’ve effectively got a stranglehold on tourism.”

Minghao scowled. “We have to tear their false system down.”

“We will,” Jeonghan said. “But it doesn’t seem like a very good idea to start a revolution when former friends of ours could be the ones pointing a gun at us. I wouldn’t be able to shoot them, would you?”

Mingyu tried to imagine Wonwoo standing against him, blaster aimed to kill. Could he?

“No,” he said.

Chan nodded. “We have to be patient,” he said. “It sucks a lot of the time, but it’s been working so far. You two figured it out, I’m sure the rest aren’t far behind.”

“How long?” Minghao asked, and Mingyu knew who he was thinking of.

“Could take a day, could take a year.” Vernon shrugged. “Time is relative. Your guess is as good as ours. Probably better; they have to have changed since we left.”

“A week, then,” Minghao said, and he sounded so convinced, Mingyu almost believed it.

Soonyoung saw them vanish. And he waited. And he waited. And they didn’t come back, and they didn’t come back, and they didn’t come back.

And he was conflicted.

Because he liked Minghao. He knew he was a good guy and Mingyu was a good guy and he didn’t know why they were out there talking with traitors. They had all looked very serious, and he hadn’t been able to hear what they were saying, and now, trudging back to the time ship, he worried that they’d been traitors the whole time.

And he’s struck with the realization that he was going to be hunting his teammates (his friends) through time.

And he had to break this to the team. Somehow.

Minghao worked in his department, under his jurisdiction, and Soonyoung allowed this to happen. Maybe even made this happen; he harbored his own rebellious sentiments that he tried and failed to quell time and time again.

He can’t help but feel like this is his fault.

When he told them, Seungcheol punched a wall. Joshua went very pale. Jihoon’s face turned to stone.

Wonwoo just looked stunned.

“I’m sorry, I should’ve burst in and stopped them before this went too far,” Soonyoung said, fighting to keep a lid on his emotions before the anguish broke out.

“Right,” Seungcheol said, and when he turned around his face was hard. “We’re down two men. Wonwoo, can you track?”

“Sure,” he said, even though tracking was always Mingyu’s thing even during training and it was obvious that everyone felt queasy at the thought of anyone else taking over his job, but Wonwoo had the skill set for it and that was what they needed.

“They’ve been brainwashed,” Seungcheol said, “but we can still bring them back. The time state can counteract it.”

A white light flashed in the distance. Soonyoung stood for his checkup. Seungcheol balled his fist like he was going to punch the wall again. Joshua touched his elbow and he released it, but he still seemed livid.

“We’ll get them back,” he said. “And these fugitives will pay for what they’ve done.”

When Soonyoung came back from his checkup, everything was wrong.

Wonwoo saw him come in while he was trying to figure out Mingyu’s setup, and despite everything he looked. . . cheerful.

“You know you don’t have to act happy,” Wonwoo said. “We’re all upset.”

“I’m not acting,” Soonyoung said, and it sounded so genuine Wonwoo tore himself away from the computer to raise an eyebrow at him.

“You were just torn up about it, how are you so chipper? Minghao was like your protege ever since he joined the team; he was your favorite.”

“Are you sure?” Soonyoung tilted his head, seeming bemused. “I always thought he was sort of flaky. It was really a matter of waiting before he ran off. A shame he had to take Mingyu with him, though.”

Wonwoo was officially lost. “Soonyoung you adored him. Everybody knew. You were devastated when you gave us the news he’d deserted.”

Soonyoung frowned. “Of course I wasn’t. Xu Minghao was never a top priority.”

And then he left like nothing was wrong. Like he hadn’t just rocked Wonwoo’s whole perspective. And Wonwoo just.

Didn’t know what to do.

6 notes · View notes

hardenshippingheadcanons · 5 years

Note

I have a hardenshipping au idea! What if Maxie was an independent, well known fashion designer in the 70's, and Archie was starting out his career as a model; looking for ways to gain fame and attention. Eventually, (somehow) Maxie finally meets Archie after various interviews and tryouts of his new male clothing line on other male models, until he settles on Archie, seeing his potential. After some time they get to know each other, they start to grow closer. Please and thank you so much!!

Okay so I may have gone a bit too far because this thing is almost 9000 words long, which is like, four times my average O_O

Anyways, I tried my best, but I don’t know much about fashion or the 70s, so I added some homophobic parents and buses… lots of buses for some reason. Also at some point I forgot Hoenn was a tropical region and I made it snow…. I have no idea how I forgot that.

I hope this is at least slightly what you wanted

“No no no! They’re all wrong!”

Tabitha sighed. They had been over this four times already, and yet Maxie continued to be difficult. “You’ve got to pick one, sir. The show is in a few months and you can’t start making the outfits until you have a model.”

“None of these men work, Tabitha!” Maxie yelled, swiping a bunch of notes and fabric off of one of the work desks in their small studio to underline his point. “They all look too… I don’t know! But they’re not what I want!”

Tabitha sighed again and rubbed his eyes. He felt a headache coming on. “Maxie, please.”

“No. Absolutely not,” Maxie continued. “We should hold auditions, that’s what we should do. Forget about these ‘professionals’, get some new people!”

That… actually wasn’t that bad of an idea, Tabitha thought. Some random person would probably be much cheaper than professional models. But they would have to be trained….

“Tabitha, you go sort that out. We can hold the audition next Saturday, after I’m done the last outfit for Courtney.”

And just like that Maxie was back at his desk furiously scribbling away in his sketchbook. Tabitha knew that Maxie could do great things and would be a huge person in the fashion industry some day, but Arceus, whoever got stuck working with him would have their work cut out for them.

—————

Maxie was waiting at the bus stop, nervously looking up at the sky and shifting his weight in agitation. It looked like it would start raining any minute, and he was holding months worth of notes. If the bus didn’t get here soon….

Maxie felt a presence behind him and glanced over his shoulder. Not many people used this buss stop.

Behind his was a dark skinned man with a goofy smile on his face. They made eye contact, and Maxie immediately turned away.

‘Please don’t take that as an invitation to talk to me, I don’t want to talk to a stranger right now….’

“Hey, what’s your name?”

Well, there goes that hope.

The man had stepped beside him so they could talk, and Maxie realized that the man was pretty tall.

“Who are you?” Maxie asked.

“Ohhh, secretive, huh? I like that. I’m Archie. What’s with all the paper?”

Maxie glanced up at the sky again, then down the street where the bus should be coming already. Nothing.

“It’s work,” Maxie stated. Where was that bus?

“What do you do?” Archie leaned over to try to get a look, but Maxie pulled his work closer towards himself. He hated letting people see his work before it was released.

“Oh hey, the bus!”

That got Maxie’s attention. Coming down the street was the city bus. Which was perfect timing, because Maxie felt the first drop of rain fall on his hand.

Archie was waving at the bus, as though the bus driver didn’t see them. Had this man never used a bus before? Maxie thought in irritation. He had known this man for two minutes, and already he was loosing patience. Maxie wasn’t the most patient person in the world, but even he normally lasted a bit longer than that.

When the bus stopped, Maxie got in first and chose a seat near the back. As usual, the bus was practically empty. There was an old lady at the front, a drunk, passed out man in the middle, a student between them…. and Archie, who was walking straight to the back, towards Maxie. Great….

Archie sat in the row opposite of Maxie, with his legs in the aisle. “So, what do you do for work?”

The bus took off.

“I’m a designer,” Maxie said, pulling his notes close again. Why was this man so determined?

“Cool! What do you design?”

Maxie sighed irritably. He hated talking to strangers, he hated telling people about his job, and he absolutely hated people who wouldn’t leave him alone!

“Woah, you look angry,” Archie said. Maxie glared at him. “Do you not like your job or something?”

“Wha- how could you - No! No I absolutely do NOT hate my job! I absolutely LOVE my job, and I work my butt off every day just to stay relevant! How dare you assume-“

“Woah woah, calm down. I didn’t mean to make you upset, jeez,” Archie said, but he was holding back a laugh behind that big, stupid smile, and that just made Maxie angrier.

“Oh, hey, this is my stop,” Archie said as the bus slowed down.

Maxie sat back and huffed. In just a few minutes this man has made him furious. That was a new record. There was something about him that was just so infuriating.

Archie got to the front of the bus and stoped to look back. “Bye, Red!” He called, giving Maxie a huge wave. Maxie groaned and smacked his head against the seat in front of him as Archie left.

Well, at least he’d never have to see that man again. That thought calmed him down.

————

“Well, thank you for coming. We’ll contact you soon if you get the position,” Tabitha said with a warm smile. The man that had just auditioned smiled and thanked them before leaving.

“He was nice,” Tabitha stated as he attached the photo of the man to their notes.

“Not what I’m looking for,” Maxie replied. He was barely taking any notes at this point. He knew what he wanted, and none of these people were that.

“Maxie, you’ve got to pick someone,” Tabitha said. “You can’t just wait for the perfect guy to come walking in. You have to get this line finished in a few months!”

“I know, Tabitha!” Maxie snapped. It wasn’t his fault that all these people had the same body type. They were all too… average. Definitely not the big, buff, hero type that Maxie needed for this line. He really should have looked for a model earlier….

“Okay, Maxie, look. There are six more guys out there waiting to audition. You’ve got to pick either one of the ones we see today, or one of the ones that sent in their applications. Just… try to have an open mind, okay?”

“I liked the last guy,” Courtney said. Maxie had almost forgotten that she was in the room. She was sat in a corner, wearing one of the outfits that Maxie had made for this line. The male model had to complement her, after all. It didn’t matter how perfect he was if he didn’t look good beside her.

Maxie sighed. “Let the next guy in.” He started doodling in the notebook that Tabitha had given him to take notes on the models. Was it even worth seeing the next few? He should just pick one and get it over with. Maybe he could redesign some of the outfits to work.

The door opened, and Maxie heard Tabitha talking to the next model. The man laughed at something Tabitha said, and Maxie looked up, recognizing the voice.

“Hey, Red! I didn’t know you worked here!”

It was Archie.

Maxie groaned and smacked his head against the table. He didn’t even bother looking back up. Maybe if he just stayed like this the universe would take pity on him and just end it all.

Of all the people….

“Oh, you know each other?” Tabitha asked.

“No!”

“Yeah, we took the same bus yesterday. What are the odds!”

Maxie shifted his head to glare at Tabitha, who had a funny grin on his face. Maxie supposed that he had put Tabitha through some rough times these past few days, so seeing Maxie suffer a bit was enjoyable to him.

“So if you would just come this way, we’ll take a photo and some information to attach to our notes,” Tabitha said, motioning towards the camera.

Maxie finally decided to sit up straight and take a stretch. His shoulders hurt, his legs were asleep, and his tea was cold. Could this day get any worse?

He heard Tabitha and Archie chatting, and decided to turn towards Courtney. “Would you mind getting me some tea, Courtney?” Maxie asked.

“Sure,” Courtney said, getting up and fluffing her dress out a little. “Do you guys want anything?” Courtney called.

“Could I get a refill, please?” Tabitha asked.

“Ohh, can I have a coffee? I was waiting out in that room for like, an hour. I could really use one,” Archie said, shooting Courtney a huge smile.

Maxie rolled his eyes, but caught the blush on her cheeks before she left.

“Maxie will give you a form to fill out while I print this picture,” Tabitha said.

“Oh, so you’re ‘Maxie’ then?” Archie asked as he sauntered over to the desk. “Well, nice to officially meet you, Maxie. I’m Archie, as you know.”

Maxie rolled his eyes and passed the form over. “You’ve got an awful lot of confidence,” Maxie pointed out. “It almost comes off as arrogant.”

Archie laughed, brushing off the insult. “You should always be confident in what you do! Even if you’re not the best, if you give it your all you’ve got nothing to be ashamed of. And that’s how I like to live!”

That was actually good advice, but coming from Archie it just made Maxie more irritated. How much longer until this guy was gone? He’s been doing these auditions all day, he should know how long they take. But it was like Archie managed to sweep all his metaphorical papers off of the desk that is Maxie’s mind when he’s around.

“There, all done,” Archie said with a smile as he passed the form back to Maxie. He gave it a quick look to make sure nothing was missing before he put it back down.

“Great, thank you.”

“So, uh… now what?” Archie asked. Was there a bit of indecisiveness in there?

“Have you never auditioned before?” Maxie asked, teasing him. Of course they would tell him what to do, but if he could spend a few minutes making Archie feel like he should already be doing something, well… that would make today far more enjoyable.

“Not for a model, no. I’m an actor,” Archie admitted.

“Actor?” Maxie asked. Well, he did seem like a ‘theatre kid’, to be honest.

“Why are you applying to be a model, then?”

“Oh, you know,” Archie waved his hand around. Maxie did not know, but before he could cut in with the sarcastic remark Archie continued. “There ain’t much auditions for actors after the contest hall burnt down last month, so a guy had so make do. Besides, this sounded like fun, and it would be something cool to put on my resume.”

Maxie frowned. “You do know that this job would be a several month contract. You couldn’t just quit if a better opportunity came around.”

“Of course not,” Archie looked offended. “When I commit to something, I commit. I don’t care what it is.”

“Okay, we’re all ready, Archie,” Tabitha said as Courtney walked in and handed everyone their drinks.

“Oh, thank you,” Archie said with a small bow to her. “It’s absolutely perfect!”

Maxie rolled his eyes, but Courtney gave a cute giggle, which was shocking for the normally stoic girl.

“Great, let’s begin,” Tabitha announced with a clap of his hands.

————

“Thank you, Archie. We will contact you in a few days if you get the part,” Tabitha said.

“Thanks! Either was, this was pretty fun,” Archie said, giving Courtney an overdramatic kiss on the hand.

“Urgh,” Maxie said as he tossed his notes towards Tabitha.

“What do you mean?” Tabitha whispered to him. “He’s exactly what you wanted, isn’t he!?”

“An arrogant, overdramatic idiot?” Maxie whispered back. “Why would I ever want that?”

Tabitha rubbed at his eyes and sighed. “Who cares about his personality, it’s his body that’s important. Look at him!”

Maxie felt his face flush but quickly regained composer. He had completely forgotten what he was supposed to be looking for.

Archie was giving his goodbyes to Courtney. He was much taller than her, which was a must. Dark skinned, muscular…

Maxie felt his heart drop as he realized Tabitha was right. Archie was perfect. ‘For this modelling job!’ Maxie quickly corrected himself. Perfect for this job.

Perfect, and somehow knew how to push all of Maxie’s buttons. He honestly wasn’t sure that they could make it through the next few months if they hired him though. One of them was sure to kill the other. Most likely Maxie killing Archie.

But no one else had come close to the look that Maxie needed.

“There are still five more, right? Let’s get through them before we make any decisions.”

Maxie tried really hard to find positives in the rest of the guys, but none of them held a candle to Archie.

Maxie groaned and pushed his fingers through his hair when the last man left.

“So?” Tabitha asked.

Maxie sighed and closed his eyes. This was a huge mistake.

“Archie it is, then,” Tabitha said.

————

“What’s this do?”

“I said don’t move!”

“Sorry,”

Maxie sighed and readjusted his glasses. It’s been less than a day, and Archie had somehow made him angry enough to go out for two smoke breaks. Which was saying something, since he was trying to quit and was down to one a week before today.

This man would literally be the death of him.

“Is it that hard to stand still?” Maxie asked. “Is that not something you have to do in your plays?”

“It’s different in plays,” Archie countered as he got back into position and Maxie started measuring again. Archie was a bit nervous of all the pins Maxie had shoved in his mouth, but didn’t say anything about them, instead going with “I’m not me in those plays. But I’m me here, so yeah. Pretty hard to stay still.”

“Then don’t be you,” Maxie said with surprising clarity despite having a dozen or so pins held between his teeth. “Hold this.”

Archie grabbed it and awkwardly held the fabric in the exact spot it was when it was handed to him. He had really only known Maxie a day, but he could tell how passionate he was about this fashion stuff, so he didn’t want to do anything to mess it up. “Oh, come on, you like me,” Archie teased.

“I really don’t,” Maxie countered, pinning some fabric behind Archie’s back. “Pass that to me.”

Archie passed him the fabric. “What are you doing?”

“My job,” Maxie replied. “Which is much easier to do in silence, I might add.”

“That’s no fun!” Archie shot back. “Time goes by much faster when you’re having a conversation!”

“Well, lucky for me I’m short on time, and therefore if your hypothesis is true, we should remain silent,” Maxie said, reaching toward his desk to write down some notes.

“Jeez man. You sound like a scientist when you talk like that,” Archie said.

“Yes, well, I was originally going to be a geologist,” Maxie said as he pulled some fabric tighter and pinned it at Archie’s side.

“Really? What made you switch?” Archie asked. At least they were getting somewhere. It would suck to spend months with a guy who doesn’t want to talk to you.

“My family wanted me to be a geologist. I wanted to be a fashion designer,” Maxie said. We was back to Archie’s front, eyes quickly shifting all over as he calculated where to put the next pin.

“Yeah, it sucks when your family pressures you,” Archie agreed.

Maxie looked up at him for a split second before going back to work. “What were you supposed to be?”

“My whole family are sailors,” Archie said. That was somewhat surprising, and yet Maxie could absolutely see Archie on a dock pulling a boat in. “We own a small shipping company, and I was supposed to take over the family boat. It’s the biggest one we have, and it’s been passed down for generations.” “How long does a boat usually last?” Maxie asked. He couldn’t imagine that a wooden vessel constantly sitting in water could last for generations.

“We fix things as they break, so as long as you do that they last a long time,” Archie said. He stretched his arm up as Maxie tapped it and pointed up. A pin connected fabric under his arm, then Maxie allowed him to put it down again.

“If you keep fixing it, though, is it the same ship in the end?” Maxie asked as he went to get more pins.

“What do ya mean?” Archie asked.

Maxie grabbed a new roll of fabric and some scissors, and shuffled back toward Archie. “Like, if I were to replace the handle of my broom, and a few years later I replace the brush part of my broom, is it the same broom? Because all the pieces have been swapped, so would it not technically be a different broom?”

“Huh,” Archie said. “Never thought of that.”

————

“Achuuuuu!”

“Could you stop!?”

“Sorry?” Archie sniffed.

“Honestly, what kind of idiot goes ice skating on a lake this time of year,” Maxie said as he drew on the fabric where he would cut. Sometimes he would just cut as he went, but not when any second could result in a sneeze.

“When I was a kid the rivers were always frozen through at this time! We used to play hockey after school every day!” Archie complained. He sniffed again. He looked absolutely miserable.

“Yes, well, you’re not a kid anymore. And it’s been an exceptionally warm autumn. You should have known.”

Archie coughed, and Maxie dropped the fabric and walked off in exasperation. “This is ridiculous. Why did you even come in today?”

“You said I can’t miss a day unless someone was literally dying,” Archie pointed out. “And that person had to be me.”

Maxie leaned against a pile of fabric and held his head in his hands. “We can’t get any work done like this,” He stated as Archie began a coughing fit.

This one was longer than usual, so Maxie decided to bring him his coffee and started removing the half done outfit. “I’m fine, really. Just need a drink and I’ll be fine,” Archie tried to convince himself.

“Don’t be ridiculous, Archie. You’re taking a break,” Maxie finished removing the outfit and pushed him lightly towards the sofa. Maxie had used it to sleep overnight in his studio many nights, so it was one of the most comfortable ones he could afford at the time.

Archie sank into it with a content sigh and sipped his coffee. “I could really go for a nap,” he said, shifting himself so he was lying down. “Wake me when you’re ready to go again.”

Before Maxie could even reply, he was asleep, mouth open and gasping for breath as his nose was blocked. Maxie sighed and got the spare blanket he kept in the closet, and threw it on Archie. He only ever wore boxers and a tank top during work, and he didn’t even bother getting back into his clothes before passing out.

Maxie looked outside. It was really snowing hard now. He went to the fire place and threw in another log to keep it warm.

While he waited for Archie to wake up he might as well get some work done. He pulled out his sketchbook and started drawing some new ideas. But they all sucked. Creativity would not come.

Maxie sighed and glanced at Archie. Well, when all else fails, draw what you see, he thought.

———

“Hey, wanna go out for dinner?” Archie asked in his normal, upbeat voice.

“What?” Maxie asked, feeling his face heat up.

“Some friends and I are going to that new restaurant for dinner tonight, and I was wondering if you wanted to come,” Archie said.

“Oh! Oh, um, I’m not sure,” Maxie replied, getting back to work. “I don’t know them, and…. Well, I guess that’s it.”

Archie laughed, a laugh that always made Maxie smile for some reason. “Oh, c’mon Max! The entire time I’ve known you you’ve only talked about two people - and you work with them! Do you even have friends?”

Maxie’s face flushed, but this time in embarrassment. “What? Of course I do!”

“Name one,” Archie countered.

“Richard!”

“… Richard?”

“Yes,” Maxie said, ‘accidentally’ poking Archie with a pin, which made him jump.

“What does ‘Richard’ do?” Archie said in a I totally know you’re lying but I’m going to humour you tone of voice.

“He’s a… one of those guys who sells tickets at the theatre,” Maxie said. That’s stupid, why was that the first thing to come in his mind?

“Oh, really? At what theatre?”

Fffffffffuu-

“C’mon Max. It won’t kill you to go out for one night. Besides, didn’t you say we were ahead of schedule? Celebrate!”

Maxie sighed. “What time?”

————

“So, what made you move here, Maxie?”

Maxie wanted to disappear. He had thought Archie would have a bunch of friends, and that he could just kinda let them talk amongst themselves without talking much himself. But turns out by “friends” he meant two. A married couple.

“I had some, uh…. family problems,” Maxie said, hoping that would be enough.

“Hey man, no need to tell me about family problems!” The man, Mat, said. “My family’s great, but Shelly’s? Wooooh! They need help!”

“Yeah,” Shelly said in irritation. “Our whole family had to move because the church found out my sister was gay.”

Maxie tried his best to hide his cringe. Were these really the people Archie associated with? Did he think the same way they did?

“Eh, she shoulda joined the navy!” Archie said. “Loads of gays there.”

“Yeah,” Mat added. “They don’t care what you are out at sea.”

“My family’s religious,” Shelly said. “Doesn’t matter where you are, it’s still wrong.”

“Hey, so how are you guys liking Lilycove?” Archie cut in.

“Oh, it’s beautiful!” Shelly said, and Mat nodded along. “The beach at night? Nothing more romantic than that!”

Maxie felt some of his tension leave. At least the topic was shifted now. But he still wanted to get out of there as soon as possible.

—————

“Bye Archie! It was nice meeting you Maxie!”

Maxie gave a little wave, which was dwarfed beside Archie’s full arm wave. “See you guys later!”

Maxie turned and started walking towards the bus stop. Archie ran to catch up a moment latter.

“The food there was pretty good! Still not as good as the place on the other side of town, but that’s a long bus ride. Hey, you okay?”

“Great,” said Maxie, maybe a bit too harshly.

“Maxie? Hey, c’mon, what did I do this time?” This wasn’t the first time Maxie had gotten angry. Archie wasn’t the most perceptive of people though, so he rarely noticed until after the fact that he was angry.

“Nothing,” Maxie said less harshly. Technically he didn’t do anything. It was his homophobic friend that had made him feel horrible. They said people were more accepting on the east coast, but Maxie knew that there would always be people like her. He was almost getting used to not hearing anything homophobic, so it was about time, Maxie thought with irritation.

And the worst part was that she seemed nice other than that. Maxie could have seen himself being friends with her if she wasn’t….

Or if he wasn’t gay. That would solve a lot of problems.

“C’mon, I had to have done something. You never get upset for no reason.”

They reached the bus stop, and Maxie leaned against the post as he waited. What time was it anyway? He didn’t want to wait long.

“Maxie? C’mon, tell me. Pleeeaaassseee?”

Maxie was grinding his teeth so hard that he was sure he was causing lasting damage. But he couldn’t bring himself to care.

The buss going the opposite way stopped across the street. Maxie knew that the bus station wasn’t far, and that the bus would turn around once it reached the station. He somehow felt better knowing it would only be twenty minutes or so.

“Max?”

“Stop!” Maxie shouted. People passing looked their way, but kept going.

“….. Did I do something?” The question was softer this time, lacking Archie’s usual energy. Maxie realized that despite how many fights they had had, he’d never actually snapped at Archie before.

That was a sobering thought.

“I don’t want to talk about it, Archie.” Maxie half expected Archie to continue to try to get the information out of him, but he didn’t. He just silently stood beside Maxie, waiting for the bus.

A whole two minutes of silence passed before Maxie pulled out a cigarette. Forget quitting, today he was having as much as he wanted.

His hands shook as he tried to light it, and he went through three matches before he gave up. He pulled the cigarette out of his mouth with a sigh and stared up at the sky. It had no right showing off such a beautiful sunset when Maxie was feeling horrible.

“Are you okay?”

Maxie glanced over at Archie. He had almost forgotten that he was still there. Maxie rubbed his hands over his face, trying to release some of the tension there. “I’m fine.”

Archie went to say something more, but thought better of it.

Another few minutes passed.

“I’m sorry for snapping at you.” Maxie could see Archie turn to look at him through the corner of his eye, but he refused to look at the man. “It’s not your problem, it’s mine. And I should have my emotions under control by now.”

“You don’t need to apologize,” Archie said. “And like, if you want to talk about it - or not! Like, I’m not trying to pressure you or anything, so if you don’t want me to know then that’s fine too. But like, if you do want to talk about it, I’m here for you.”

“Hah,” Maxie tried to light his cigarette again, and this time his hands were steady enough.

“Hey Max?”

“Hmm?”

“So uh,” Archie was fidgeting his hands, which was actually kinda cute. “I don’t know what I did, and I don’t wanna pressure you, and like, you don’t have to tell me, like I said. But, uh… could you let me know what I did to set you off so I don’t do it again? Like, you don’t have to! If that crosses some line or something then whatever, I won’t bother you about it. I just don’t want to do whatever I did again -“

“Shut up,” Maxie said. His tone was playful, which helped lighten the moment. “Besides, it wasn’t anything you did or said. You just happened to be pestering me when I wanted - needed - time to cool off.”

“Oh!” Archie said. “Oh, that’s good. ‘Cause no offence Max, but you’re scary when you’re angry.”

Maxie laughed, which was something he hardly did. He had noticed that he started to do that when Archie was around.

“You think I’m bad, you shoulda met my dad. He was like an actual volcano.”

They both laughed at that one. “Hey, you never mention your family. Is everything okay with them?”

Well, that ruined the moment. Maxie’s family was… honestly horrible. They were super religious, like everyone out west. Everything was fine and perfect…. Until Maxie realized he was gay. And when his family learnt?

His father was furious. Basically any time he would lay eyes on Maxie he would get beaten. His siblings ignored him, as though associating with him would somehow bring their father’s rage upon them as well.

And his mother. Constantly yelling at him and crying, wondering what she did wrong for him to end up like this.

He went to church once after it got out. Everyone was staring at him and whispering, and he swears the priest chose the sermon just to hurt him personally.

Maxie had tried so hard. His family were geologists, so he got a job and saved up for school. He got his degree, and came back, hoping that that would be enough for them to see how wrong they were.

Turns out he was the one who was wrong. They didn’t care about that. They didn’t even want him to have the family name. So, Maxie moved out east and started designing fashion. Something he had wanted to do his whole life. Something to make him happy.

And he was. Those few years he had spent here, making a name for himself, building his company, those were great years. He had almost forgotten about his family.

Until now.

“Max?”

Maxie snapped out of his thoughts. He heard the bus coming, and put out his cigarette. His dad smoked….

That would be Maxie’s last one, he thought. He pulled out the pack the tossed them into the bin as the bus stopped, “Let’s go,” he said, and Archie followed behind him.

————

“Hey, Max!”

Maxie groaned, and flipped over in bed.

Knock knock!

“Maxie!”

Well, he was up now. And probably half of his neighbours, too.

The knocking continued as Maxie got out of bed and into a robe and slippers before opening the door to his flat. He regretted ever giving that man his address.

“What the hell Archie? It’s Saturday, let me sleep in.”

Archie walked past Maxie like he owned the place and started the kettle for coffee and tea. “Not today, friendo!”

“Friendo?” Maxie asked as he closed the door and shuffled to the counter. He didn’t have his glasses on, so he was just watching a shape walk around his kitchen opening and closing cupboards and drawers.

“Don’t you know what today is?”

“Saturday,” Maxie said in the most deadpan voice he could muster. “Our day off. A day to sleep in.”

Maxie heard Archie crack some eggs into a pan and decided he’d like to see what Archie was up to, so he shuffled back to his room to get his glasses.

By the time he got back Archie was just placing two plates with delicious looking omelettes on them onto the counter. Beside the plates were two steaming mugs.

Maxie sat down and grabbed a fork. “Okay, you’re buttering me up for something. What is it? Do you need a day off or something?” “What? No!” Archie said as he put the frying pan into the sink and came to sit down. “But out of curiosity would you have given it to me?”

“Mmm, maybe,” Maxie said through a mouthful of eggs. “In exchange for breakfast every Monday. Where did you learn to cook?”

“Used to help my mom,” Archie said after swallowing a huge mouthful. “Speaking of families-“

Maxie shot a glare at Archie. He hadn’t told Archie anything, but they had always avoided the subject after that day.

“Hey, just hear me out, okay? I know that you’re not all that close with your family-“

“Understatement,” Maxie cut in.

“But you know, today is father’s day and my father’s coming to town and I thought you could join us,” Archie finished in a rush.

…

“Why would I want to do that?” Maxie asked.

“Well, since you aren’t going to see your dad today,” Archie said.

“I don’t want to see my dad,” Maxie said, stabbing his fork a little too strongly into his eggs.

Archie sighed. “Okay look, when I left home things were a little rocky. I haven’t seen my dad in person since then, and… I could really use a friend.”

“Oh,” Maxie said. He really wasn’t expecting that.

Was it weird to go with Archie? He’d have to spend the whole day with them. And if today turned out like that day at the restaurant….

“I don’t know, Archie…”

“Pleeeeaaaassseeeee?” Archie gave that puppy dog face that he knew worked so well on Maxie. “I’ll owe you one!”

Maxie sighed. Well, it wasn’t like he had anything else planned today. “Where would we be going?”

———

“Hey dad!”

“Archie!” Archie’s father was a big man, which was saying something since Archie was pretty big himself. In height he was an inch or so taller, and if Archie looked like he worked out this man looked like he lived in a gym.

Archie’s father picked him up in a huge hug. “Are you eating okay, son? Doing enough hard work?”

Archie laughed. “I’m eating fine. How’s mom?”

“She’s great, and sends her regards.”

That was the moment that Archie suddenly remembered Maxie existed and dragged his father towards him. “Dad, this is Maxie! He’s the designer that I told you about.”

“Well, nice to meet you Maxie!” Archie’s father grabbed his hand in a strong handshake.

“Nice to meet you too,” Maxie said at his most professional. “You’ve raised a wonderful son.”

“Haha, that I have!” he said, throwing an arm over Maxie’s shoulder. “But he ain’t perfect, you know. Has he told you about the time that he -“

“Okay dad! I’m sure Maxie doesn’t wanna hear about any of that!” Archie cut in grabbing his dad by the arm and pulling him away.

“Oh, quite the contrary,” Maxie said with a smirk. “I would love to hear all the embarrassing stories from your youth.”

Archie’s face flushed for the first time that Maxie could recall, and his father laughed. Maybe today wouldn’t be so bad after all.

————

“Are you sure you have to leave tonight? There’s loads more I haven’t shown you,” Archie said as he gave his dad a goodbye hug.

“Eh, you know I can’t delay this shipment. But mark my words, I’ll be back. And you had better show me that chilli place next time! I’ve heard great things!”

Maxie smiled as he watched them say their goodbyes from the end of the dock. The day had gone wonderfully, and Maxie wished he could have more days like that. Archie turned out to be a lot of fun when he had a whole day to plan for. And his father was great, too.

Maxie’s smile faltered for a second as he thought about his dad.

Nope. He wasn’t about to let that man ruin a wonderful day.

Archie came back after seeing his dad off. “That wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be!” Archie said.

They started walking back towards town. “No, it was quite pleasant. I guess you didn’t need me after all,” Maxie said.

“But it was way more fun with you there,” Archie said with a smile. “Even if my dad kept trying to tell you embarrassing stories about me.”

Maxie laughed. “Did you really try to grab a carvanha by the tail!?”

“Yeah, it really showed me!” Archie laughed. “Still got the scar to prove it! You gotta be looking for it though, here.”

Archie stopped and pointed to a spot on his face right between his eyes. Sure enough, Maxie saw a small, x shaped scar. “Woah. You’re pretty lucky. That could have been your eye,” Maxie said.

“Nah, my eyes are too beautiful, the universe would never allow that!” Archie laughed, but it made Maxie look at his eyes closer than he normally would.

They were a deep blue like the ocean. The bluest blue he’d ever seen in someone’s eyes before. They were… really pretty. Not that it mattered. Why should he care?

Maxie laughed along. “Don’t tempt the universe, Archie.”

————

It was a week until the show. A week until the deadline. One more week.

Maxie was freaking out. This was his first time in one of these shows, and this could very well make or break his career. And he only had one week to finish this last outfit.

“Calm down, Max,” Archie said as Maxie pocked him with a needle for the hundredth time that day.

“I can’t calm down! The show’s in a week, Archie!”

“You’re pretty much done. I’ve seen you finish a project this big in a single day before. You’ll be fine,” Archie said, trying to comfort the crazed fashion designer.

“It can’t just be fine, it has to be brilliant! Amazing! Extraordinary!”

Another stab.

“Okay, enough,” Archie said as he grabbed Maxie’s wrist.

“What are you doing? It’s not done yet!”

“No, but you are,” Archie said as he dragged Maxie to the couch.

“I absolutely am not! Let go of me!”

“Nope,” Archie said as he flopped down onto the sofa, pulling Maxie down to sit beside him. Archie grabbed a book and awkwardly opened it with one hand, then flipped to the page he had stopped at last time, all without letting go of Maxie’s wrist.

It took Maxie a moment to realize that Archie was, in fact, not going to let him go. He tried to pull away, but no matter what he did he couldn’t overpower Archie. “This is ridiculous! Let me go!”

“You’re too stressed, you can’t work like that. You’ll end up making mistakes.”

Archie wasn’t wrong, but with only a week left Maxie didn’t have the time to spare.

“Archie!”

Archie groaned and closed his book. He couldn’t read with all this noise. “How about dinner? When was the last time you ate?”

Maxie thought about it, but before he could remember Archie cut him off, pointing out that if it took him that long to think about it, it was too long ago.

“I am not going out like this,” Maxie stated. His hair was a mess, his clothes wrinkly and with a few tea stains. It almost looked like he hadn’t slept in days. Or gone home.

“Do you even have food at your house? Fresh food?”

“I don’t- no, probably not. I’ve been busy,” Maxie said defensively.

“Okay then, my house it is,” Archie said, finally letting go of Maxie’s wrist. “I live just down the street, so we can walk if you want.”

“What ar- but we have to finish!”

“Maxie, c’mon. You’ll feel better after you eat and sleep.”

Maxie couldn’t counter that.

————

Maxie was half asleep on the couch when Archie placed a plate full of food on the coffee table in front of him. “Oh, thank you,” he said, giving himself a stretch before grabbing the fork.

“No problem,” Archie said and sat next to him. He put a bottle of wine on the table, and poured them each a glass.

“Wine, really? Are we on a date or something?” Maxie asked sarcastically. Of course, that just put the idea of a real date with Archie in his head, and he quickly had to erase that.

“I always have wine with dinner,” Archie said. “My mom used to say it was healthy to have a glass a day.”

“Well, I’m not complaining,” Maxie said after he had taken a sip. “This is quite nice. Better than anything we ever got out west.”

Once they were done their dinner, they continued to chat and drink for hours. The sun slowly set, and eventually Maxie noticed the time.

“I should probably go now, before the last bus goes by,” Maxie said without even attempting to get up. He was super comfy leaning against the couch and chatting with Archie.

“Nah man, stay here tonight. Who knows what kind of weirdos take the last bus of the night,” Archie pointed out as he refilled Maxie’s glass.

“True,” Maxie agreed. “It would be absolutely horrible if I were to be killed the week before the show. All that work would be for nothing.”

Archie laughed, which brought a smile to Maxie’s face. “Well, at least you got to know me!” Archie teased.

“And I wouldn’t change that for the world,” Maxie agreed.

“Awwww, that’s cute,” Archie said, leaning closer to Maxie and batting his eyelashes.

“Hmmm. Tell anyone I said that and I’ll kill you,” Maxie countered and finished off his glass.

“You wouldn’t do that to me,” Archie said with a laugh. “You’d miss me too much!”

“Maybe,” Maxie agreed.

They were both laughing now. Archie laughed a little too hard and spilled some of his wine on Maxie’s pants.

“Oh man! Sorry, I guess I was leaning too far forward,” he said as he looked around for something to wipe it up with.

“Don’t even worry about it,” Maxie said, and waved his hand in dismissal. “This entire outfit needs to be thrown out when this week is over. One extra stain isn’t important. Now, if this was the show outfit….”

Archie laughed again. “Yeah, you’d probably kill me for real then.”

A few minutes passed where Maxie just stared off into space. When Archie asked him what he was thinking about, he could honestly say “I don’t know.”

“I think,” Maxie started, then lost his train of thought.

“What do you think?” Archie asked.

Maxie looked into those far too blue eyes and felt himself melt away. “I think… I’m drunk. And you should let me sleep in in the morning, or you’ll have to deal with a very tired, hungover Maxie.”

Archie laughed at that. “Okay, fair enough. I’ll get you a blanket,” Archie said as he got up and headed into another room.

Maxie lied down and closed his eyes, listening to the sounds of the city outside. He was almost asleep when Archie came back.

“C’mon, get up. You need a pillow or you’re gonna have a sore neck tomorrow.” He was right of course, but Maxie still groaned as he forced himself into a sitting position.

The blanket Archie gave him was soft, and Maxie was curled up and ready for sleep before Archie was done turning off the lamps.

“Hey, Max?”

“Hmmm?”

“How drunk are you? Like, are you gonna remember that I spilled wine on you in the morning?”

“You spilled wine on me?” Maxie asked. Oh yeah, he remembered now. He was too tired to care, though.

“Maxie?”

“Hmmm?”

Maxie felt a hand on his face, so he opened his eyes. The moon was bright out, so Maxie could see every feature on Archie’s concerned face. “I’m fine,” Maxie said, even though Archie hadn’t asked.

He was staring. He knew he was. But Archie was staring right back, and Maxie couldn’t bring himself to care that he would have probably looked away had he been awake and sober.

Then, Archie leaned down and brushed his lips against Maxie’s. That snapped him out of his half-asleep, tipsy state. His hand shot out and grabbed Archie’s arm. “Archie?”

And Archie leaned down and kissed him. Maxie’s head was spinning, his heart was racing, but he was kissing back. Archie was kissing him, and he was kissing back.

He had pushed this thought from his head countless times, as though refusing to imagine this it would somehow make it easier to pretend he had no feelings for Archie. And it was working, but now?

Maxie knew he could never go back now.

Archie pulled away with an awkward cough. “Well, uh, goodnight,” he said, and walked away to his room.

Maxie stared at the ceiling in shock. “What just happened?” He lightly traced his lips with his hand. He didn’t have much time to think about it as he quickly fell asleep, but the butterflies in his stomach stayed even in his dreams.

————

Maxie woke to the smell of tomatoes and the sound of chopping. The sun was already high in the sky as he rubbed the sleep from his eyes.

Then Maxie remembered where he was, and what happened last night. Did it happen, though? Or was it Maxie’s imagination and subconscious mixing with his tipsy, sleep deprived brain?

Maxie got up and folded the blanket before heading towards the kitchen. His mind was furiously sorting things he remembered, determining what was real and what was dreamt.

“Good morning,” Maxie said with a yawn.

“Good morning!” Archie said, but only gave Maxie a glance.

Oh, so it was real. Was that going to make things awkward now? There was less than a week until the show, Maxie couldn’t have his model acting weird, or worse, quitting.

Maxie shook that thought from his head. That was a load of bull. Maxie didn’t want to loose Archie, period. As a model, as a friends, or as… something else. So he decided to dive right in.

“So, that kiss last night?” Maxie started. Archie instantly froze. There was an awkward silence. Maxie half expected Archie to deny it, or to turn around and laugh it off. Not silence, though. That was so unlike him.

“What was all that about?” Maxie asked.

Archie slowly put the knife down and grabbed the counter, but still didn’t say anything.

“Archie?”

Nothing.

Maxie got up and walked to his side, but Archie turned his head to avoid eye contact.

“Come on, you can’t just pretend I’m not here. What are you, a child?”

“No, I just…”

“There we go! Words! Isn’t that better?” Maxie teased, then instantly regretted it. That was so lame, why did he say that? Why was he so bad with these types of situations? “Sorry, that was stupid.”

“No, I was,” Archie said. “Look, I’m sorry. I thought you were drunk and wouldn’t remember, and I know that that’s not okay anyway, and I should never have done that, and you are probably super mad at me and that’s fine! That’s absolutely okay, because I deserve it! I just, I don’t even know what came over me. You’re such a good friend and I really don’t want to loose that just because I was stupid. I mean, just because I like you doesn’t mean we can’t be friends, right? I’ll get over it eventually. We could just pretend that never happened-”

Archie kept going, but Maxie didn’t hear him.

Did Archie just admit to liking him? But that didn’t make sense, Archie wasn’t gay. He couldn’t be. In the few months they had known each other he had probably pointed out a hundred “hot” girls to him.

And yet Archie was still rambling. He should… probably stop him.

Maxie grabbed Archie’s arm. “Archie.”

Archie kept going, slightly louder now, as though he was afraid of what Maxie would say.

“Archie. Archie. Hey, stop that. Archie!”

With a big inhale Archie finally stopped. He was staring down at the cutting board, his hands balled into fists. “Look at me.” He didn’t move. “Archie, look at me.” Archie shook his head.

Maxie grabbed his face and turned it towards himself. Archie kept his eyes closed. Which was fine, considering how nervous Maxie was. It was nice knowing that Archie was just as nervous, if not more.

This time Maxie leaned in for the kiss. He could feel Archie tense up for a moment. Maxie wrapped one arm around Archie’s neck and pulled him closer. Archie hesitantly put his hands on Maxie’s hips.

When they finally pulled away and made eye contact they sort of shuffled away, but didn’t let go of each other.

“So, uh…?”

“It was absolutely not cool to have kissed me when I was drunk like that,” Maxie stated.

“Oh.” Archie’s arms dropped away and he tried to dislodge himself from Maxie. But Maxie wasn’t having any of that.

“Our first kiss should have been after a brilliant date, like it’s supposed to be. It’s going to be quite difficult for you to make that up to me.”

That stopped Archie altogether, and he just stared at Maxie as his brain tried to process what just happened. Maxie smiled when Archie finally laughed. The tension was broken.

“Whatever you’re making for breakfast had better be amazing,” Maxie said as he headed towards the washroom.

“I’ll make you amazing breakfasts every day if you want,” Archie called back.

Maxie smiled as he closed the door behind him.

————

“Are you sure I look okay?” Archie asked for the twentieth time that minute.

“Archie, you look beautiful, stop asking,” Maxie said as he circled the two models. This was it, show time.

“You’ll do fine,” Courtney said, grabbing his hand.

Archie quickly glanced at Maxie, who was looking at their hands intertwined together before shaking it off and continuing his inspection. Archie wasn’t sure if Maxie was the jealous type or not, and now would not be a good time to figure it out.

“Uh,” Archie shook his hand out of Courtney’s grip. “Thanks.”

The announcer announced the next designer, and a stage manager came rushing towards them. “You’re on next. Ma’am, you’ll start on the other side of the stage.

“Okay,” Courtney said, but Maxie grabbed her before she could leave.

“Okay, this is over a year of work we’re showing off, so I want you two to really blow them away for me, okay?” He grabbed their hands and put them together, giving Archie a meaningful look. ‘It’s okay, go all out.’

“We won’t disappoint you,” Courtney said.

“Courtney!” Tabitha was frantically waving from the other side of the stage.

Maxie gave her hand one more squeeze before she ran off to join Tabitha. Maxie and Archie headed towards their side of the stage. “You’ll do great,” Maxie whispered.

“Thanks! This isn’t like my normal roles,” Archie admitted.

Maxie glanced around to make sure no one was near, then pulled Archie down for a quick kiss. “I know you’ll do great.”

“And next up is Maxie from Lavaridge!”

————

They were all sitting in the waiting room of Maxie’s studio, eating cake, drinking, and laughing. “Third place isn’t bad considering it was my first time,” Maxie pointed out.

“It’s absolutely unheard of!” Tabitha mocked one of the older ladies that had attended.

“Pffff, that lady’s never met Max before!” Archie said, throwing his arm around Maxie and leaning in. Maxie lightly pushed him off, glancing at the other two.

“Okay okay,” Tabitha said, noticing. Maxie had a mini panic attack as he ran through his history with Tabitha to try and find any moment that would tell him if Tabitha would be okay with this or not.

“Courtney and I had a bet,” he said, gesturing to a nodding Courtney and himself. “About whether or not you two would get together.”

Maxie felt his face heat up. Suddenly Archie’s arm (which he hadn’t been able to push off of his shoulders) made him feel claustrophobic. The room was spinning, and not just from the alcohol. Tabitha was one of Maxie’s only friends, if he didn’t -

“Who bet what?” Archie asked, leaning forward.

“I bet,” Courtney started, “that you two were going to end up together before the show.”

“There’s no way,” Tabitha stated. “Maxie’d drop hints ‘till the end of time and never go for it, and Archie’s not smart enough to pick up the hints - uh, no offence.”

“None taken!” Archie laughed. “I definitely didn’t pick up any hints, at least not consciously.”

“I didn’t drop hints! I don’t do that!” Maxie said in exasperation.

“So I was right?” Courtney asked.

“What do you get for winning?” Archie asked.

Tabitha sighed and pulled out his wallet. It took Maxie a moment to realize what was happening.

“You two are actually horrible,” Maxie joked.

“Well hey, now that they know, I can do this,” Archie said, and dived to rub his beard against Maxie’s neck. Maxie jumped back and tried to push him away through his laughter.

————

“Hey Max.”

“Hmmm?”

Archie sat on the corner of Maxie’s desk, which was, for once, pretty clean. “Whatcha doing?”

“Looking at this paperwork. Are we 100% sure we want to move here? Because once we do we’re stuck for a few years.”

“I’m sure if you are,” Archie said. “I’m happy wherever you are.”

Maxie laughed and rolled his eyes. “Cheesy.”

“And if we do move, I’ve already found you a commission,” Archie pointed out.

“Okay, you’ve got my interest. Continue,” Maxie said, sitting back and folding his arms.

“The Sootopolis theatre needs costumes for its next show, and I showed them some of the stuff you made. They’re really interested, and they pay well.”

“Well, you got me,” Maxie said. He signed the papers and passed the to Archie. “Mail these next time you go out?”

“Will do!” Archie said.

Later that night, when they were in bed and Archie was softly snoring with Maxie in his arms, Maxie opened his eyes and looked out at the moon through his window.

If only his family could see him now, he thought with bitter confidence. He was successful, he was well known, he was dating the most handsome man in all of Hoenn, and that man also happened to be an upcoming star.

Maxie’s life ended way better than he would have ever imagined all those years ago.

#hardenshipping

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mademoisellempala-blog · 5 years

Text

In the past weeks and months I have been thinking a lot in the midst of entering a new age. I have been hesitant to write this mostly for the reason because I don’t see myself in a place of wisdom yet to be able to share profound things I have learned throughout my short life on this planet. But it is through recent conversations and events that I have felt the need to write about something that is so vital to life itself and my journey for this whole year. I have realised to have reached an age where I’m asking myself more questions about life, its meaning and purpose overall since I’m still figuring out all this while taking each day at a time. We all go through life lessons and circumstances that strengthens or weakens us but most importantly what I figured is how we decide to go on about them. Making decisions and having the possibility of choice is a powerful tool I am learning to use in order to build and shape a life that I really want for myself and I consider worth living. In this regard there are many different aspects of life I learned which are crucial.

Live with integrity and conviction

I have learned that conviction or strong beliefs in something is important to live a full and purposeful life. When you know what you stand for and what you believe in, it is easier to go through life because you won’t be drifting where the wind takes you. Conviction helps you to stand firm to your beliefs and stay true to yourself. In a world of many information and noises, it can be difficult to know what one stands for because one doesn’t want to offend others with an opinion that appear critical in the eyes of an other. But we cannot go through life trying to shape our beliefs depending on who is in front of us and change our views to please others. I realised about myself that I grew up being a people’s pleaser and was doing just that and at some point realised I didn’t know who I was or what I even stand for because I didn’t want to be disliked, so I changed with my surroundings and environment. I believe that having core beliefs of what is right and wrong are fundamental to live a life of integrity that should first of all please you. Because without integrity, compromise of your own values will become common. So every day I try to live full of conviction in what I believe no matter if someone agrees with it or not. And yes, the emphasis is on try, because it’s something that needs to be developed innit?

What you consume, you become

This is something I learned to appreciate and accept throughout the past year. It’s a great realisation that my view of the world can be dramatically shaped by what I consume. Be it opinions of people, news, movies, shows, music, social media or vibes. Being informed and up-to-dated about what happens in the world is not only important but I find a necessity to live because political, societal and economic events affect our everyday life whether we like it or not. At the same time, the news is ever more negatively loaded with pessimism and end-of-the-world thoughts. If that’s the only thing I consumed, my world would be shaped by hopelessness and despair. The same goes for the other things we consume on a daily basis; this is to say that the more things we watch, read, or talk about are filled with hope and expectation, that’s when our perspective on this world can change drastically. When I catch myself reacting a certain way to a situation, I think of what I have been filling my spirit with during the day or in the past weeks because it turns out that it is those things that manifest. What comes out of you, words and behavior, is the result of what is inside of you. Therefore, I am not just concerned about what I say or how I behave but most importantly with what is inside of me since ultimately it is that what is going to come out of me. Being filled with hatred, anger and comparison is not going to bring out love, patience and peace – it’s just as simple as that. There is this popular saying from commercials that say “start your day right” and there is so much truth in it because the first things one does in the morning determine the course of the day. Taking time in the morning to relax, pray or meditate for a few minutes instead of rushing to my phone and check the newest posts on social media and news-outlets has had a tremendous impact in going with a positive mindset into the day.

Know the ‘why’ behind the ‘what’

Not too long ago I have started to become more critical about what I do as my choice of studies, professions and other activities. I want to be sure that I’m doing things for the right reasons with no ulterior motives. I don’t want to be doing things just for the sake of doing them or ‘because that is what everybody else is doing’ or because of long traditions that say ‘this is the way we have always been doing things’. In the journey of discovering my purpose, I want to have purpose in everything I do that contributes to my growth and the person I am. However, this is not to say that I have my life is completely planned out and I’m not ready for spontaneous nonsense because these are also part of living in the moment. I guess what I’m trying to say is not to settle for less than what I know is out there for me and be critical of my decisions to not pursue things (degrees, jobs, careers, activities etc.) for the wrong reason. It is how, especially this year, I started things and found myself quitting on them because I afterwards realized that it didn’t bring me peace since the reason behind me doing them were not the right ones.

Set boundaries

This is something I’m still learning every day to set boundaries of what I can/should/want to tolerate because I feel there are people out there who don’t respect boundaries or whatsoever. So, having conviction of what you want in your life and don’t want is key to not accept everything that makes you uncomfortable. Drawing the line is for you and not against another human being because you’re the one living in your reality and knows best what you can take in and what you cannot accept. Now I have decided what I want and everything that isn’t it, I say ‘no’ to them.

Not everyone can have a seat on your table

As painful and hurting as it can be, it is true that with life moving on, not everyone can move with us into our future. Sometimes we try to hold on to friendships because we’ve been friends for so long and grew up together, but ways go apart and life directions do too. Therefore, it’s fine when the seats at your table consists of only a few numbers of people who love and support you in your decisions and dreams. Not everyone can understand your dreams and thus will not be supportive and it’s ok because the few people who are left will always be more than enough. I’m not a fan of Drake’s lyrics saying “no new friends…” because it’s a narrow and unhealthy way of viewing the world and relationships because true friendship is not defined by the number of years you’ve known each other but the quality of time when you spend with the people. And truly quality doesn’t come in numbers..

Make a decision

Decisions, decisions. Indecision is a peace killer… It is important to make decisions just for the sake of peace. If you don’t sort the trap of indecision you will live in constant imprisonment to your own indecision. Often times I find myself in situations where I seem not to be able to make a concrete decision between choices. I figured I have put myself in such situations and created them even though deep down I exactly knew what I wanted. And that initial feeling is most of the times the one we lean towards to. Because a lot of times we are making up stuff and creating room for indecision and call them options. Having options is a luxury and nothing bad but pretending to have options that are overwhelming and take away your peace, is surely not the best option neither.

Travel alone at least once

This year I had the dream to travel solo around the East Coast of the USA. It was the first time I travelled alone for a longer period of time where I could just do what me, myself and I desired to with no consideration or regard for someone else. And it was AWESOME! Travelling by yourself is one of the greatest growing experience a person can have because you learn more about yourself by spending time with you and rely on only you and no other person. I enjoyed going to parks and read a book while lying on fresh-cut grass with marvelous city views. I loved waking up when I felt like it and start the day off by having brunch or breakfast, or just eat a fruit on my way to a museum to then have amazing lunch from the food truck afterwards. Taking walks in big cities not knowing where I was going was very adventurous. I love doing nothing in pretty Cafés and enjoy my solitude (not loneliness because there is a big difference), I loved going out for dinner at restaurants I discovered around the corner when going for a walk and attending poetry nights in the mind-blowing city of New York. It’s the most refreshing and deliberating feeling since you are the only person you have to spend time with for the rest of your life; so you might as well like spending time with yourself, right?

Document your journey

Now this is just for those of us who want to grow personally and see change in our character. Although we as humans are naturally made to continually evolve and grow, some are comfortable staying the same, which is fine because everyone makes their own decisions, right? At the beginning of the year I started to document my journey weekly, sometimes daily or monthly to affirm myself of my growth. It’s also a nice way of keeping track of what one has experienced and can always go back and read about it because I tend to forget quickly what I did even two days ago haha. It helps remember different experiences that happened and reminisce back. Anyways, I find it helpful to see that I’m not the same person today I was a few months ago and that I have gotten to a different place mentally and spiritually.

Enjoy the journey of becoming

I’m learning this patiently every day that it is not about the destination of where I want to be in life but the journey to that is as important as the goal. Having this mindset also shifts the way I perceive happiness, disappointments, good news and defeat. It becomes relative when I’m aware that individual incidents don’t determine my path or the person I am.

Don’t do it alone

Life is not meant to be lived alone no matter if it’s a happy life or a life filled with hardships. I may be more of an introvert person who enjoyyy her alone time more than group hang sessions. But I don’t take them for granted neither – because friendships are precious, and we should cherish the once who are strengthening us in life. Asking for help is not a sign of weakness but strength because one acknowledges the limits of one’s power. Living in a western-cultured society that puts the individual in the centre of success and defeat implies that everything that I have ever achieved is because of me, myself and I. But in reality, no human being can ‘make it’ with their own effort since from the moment we are born and in our infant ages our simple survival depends on the people who nourish, protect, and take care of us.

Be more self-reflective

I guess this post is a way for me to reflect on what I have learned especially this past year and take it to where I want to progress in life. I try to be more critical of my views and perspective while also not being too hard on myself when I don’t figure something out right away. I am more open to correction and new learning experiences because I will never reach a level of complete knowledge. I’m still learning to be more empathetic toward others and understand their point of view by accepting the reality of opposing views.

Surround yourself with positivity

This! This is so crucial for when you want to live a positive-filled life. One need to like what one does, and one needs to have a positive environment. That’s why choosing the right people in your circle and what you consume, as mentioned above, are essential if you want to have a positive world surrounding you.

Soo this ended up being more than I actually wanted to write but if you’ve made it to the end, kudos to you & thank youuu!

TWENTY-FIVE In the past weeks and months I have been thinking a lot in the midst of entering a new age.

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kae-karo · 3 years

Note

for the writing meta ask thing: 2, 7, 12, 17, 22!

aaaaaaa hello dear thank u so much???? 🥺💜 (meta writing asks - x) also i really respect ur appreciation of the numbers 2 and 7 best believe those were my fave numbers when i was younger lmao

2. Tell us about what you’re most looking forward to writing – in your current project, or a future project

sksdfjkljdsfjlkdsfk oh gods okay okay so i’m technically between projects right now (i bashed out a bunch of one-shots that need some editing before i post them) but i’m sort of clinging and indecisive between two big projects that i want to work on. neither really has much direction yet, and one already has a, uh, hint, in the form of a one-shot that already exists out on ao3.

but the other, which i’ve given a little more thought, would be a demon!kaeya witch!diluc au, and i get to write some babie kaeluc which like. idk what it is about writing chars as kids, it feels a little more freeing and is always a refreshing sort of style? anyway, the first set of scenes take place when they’re kids, and the rest as adults, and i mean demon!kaeya speaks for itself tbh as does witch!diluc. it’s been a while since i really wrote a dedicated like...magic au? or, like, one that deals with magic the way i plan to do.

i’ve also been like. vaguely at the corners of my mind considering an urban fantasy fae!kaeya au but that’s like. the most vague concept right now - still excited about it nonetheless.

oh and another project idea that i don’t need to think abt right now bc i have too many, a chiluc memory loss au, specifically relating to that one post (x) i rb’d the other day :) still my standard enemies to lovers and all but with a little bit of spice lmao

7. What do you think are the characteristics of your personal writing style? Would others agree?

oh i really hope ppl agree with this one at least: that i really put people into the pov character’s shoes. that’s like. the thing i strive for the most? to really put readers into the char’s perspectives and elicit the same emotions the character’s feeling, etc?

beyond that, from a more technical perspective, i write in present tense, i’m allergic to epithets, i try quite hard to avoid too many passive/stationary verbs, grammar whomst idk her, i do subscribe to the ‘show not tell’ practice as much as it makes sense to, i’m big on internal monologues and internal conflict and a slut for the ‘there was only one bed’ trope (and tbh tropes in general). i think i’ve only ever written 3 fics that didn’t have happy endings (out of like...130+) but i’m not afraid to write some angst (i’m sure all my dabihawks followers are laughing at me rn lmao)

12. Do you want your writing to be famous?

u know once upon a time i was gonna publish some (edited, obviously) fics as like actual books and like that’s not off the table per se, nor am i really opposed to fics themselves gaining popularity? but like i really don’t care either way, like i’m not writing so that they will be popular or anything like that. or like. desperately hoping they will be or anything. i’m glad that ppl like it and comments mean the entire world to me, like i am so happy that other ppl enjoy my words as much as i do? but i’m not chasing fame or anything

17. Do you think readers perceive your work - or you - differently to you? What do you think would surprise your readers about your writing or your motivations?

sdfljkdsfjklfdsjlk this is such an interesting question, and i think the shortest answer is yes i think everyone perceives my writing differently than i do? and i’ve had a few comments that prove it, but usually not in any like. drastic kind of way. as for how i’m perceived, i frankly have no idea slkfjksldfj so i can’t really say?

hm things that would surprise my writers...i really don’t know, honestly? i think a lot of ppl assume that i’m posting as i write (since that’s p common) though i do make a point of saying pretty often that, with like maybe one or two exceptions in my fic career, i won’t post a fic until it’s finished lmao. as for motivations, i mean. most of the time my motivation is just ‘i have brainrot for this scene/idea specifically and if i do not write it i will simply perish’ lmaoooo

22. Do you reread your old works? How do you feel about them?

u know this is such an interesting question, because usually i don’t reread them? i’ll deadass half forget i’ve written a fic with a certain premise or half the events in any given fic if i didn’t write it within the past like couple months. i think almost anything i’ve written within the past year is close enough to my current writing style tho that if i read snippets of it, i’m like ‘yep that still sounds good to me!’

not that i ever really dislike my older writing? i think it’s just a matter of going ‘well if i was writing this scene today, i’d do it differently’. i think for me a lot of writing is about getting a story out of my head and into the world? so i don’t often feel the need or desire to go back to old fics or old writing too often lmao

[send me a meta writing ask!!]

#ask game #writing meta #genshin #honestly tho i so greatly appreciate these asks????#i love meta analysis of my writing and habits and fics lmao #so thank u dearly!!!!#and by all means pls send more lmao #work has kept me unexpectedly busy today rip #but it's almost the end of the day so i'm getting back to these now!!#anon #ask

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rust-en-orde · 4 years

Text

and in the name of love, she’s coming back.

although it’s fairly confusing to point out the only one thing that CL lacks to make her own breakthrough in the US impossible, because duh, she has everything upon her sleeve, I think we can come to a final conclusion that it’d be good management.

what else does a leader of 2NE1, one of the pioneers in K-pop whose influence and contribution could never be denied since 2009, conceivably not have, unless a company with at least a functional brain which will let their artists release a goddamn album? y’all tell me.

the fact she’s from YG Entertainment (the shittiest company in South Korea, fyi only tho, just in case you’re clueless) had been the prominent reason for all the widespread frustrations growing from both important parties in this case (CL and her loyal fandom, GZB) since 2015.

2015 was like the perfect timing for her grand entry to the US, wasn’t it? her swaggering single ‘Hello Bitches’ was getting massive recognition, the high anticipation from both the general public and GZBs was rising higher than ever. not to mention her extensive connection! the relationship with all peeps from another side of the world that she builds throughout the years was beneficially helping to spread her brand out as an all-around rookie singer who’s more than ready to pull off ‘CL paves the way for Asian artists debuting in the US’ card.

and here’s the most ridiculous joke of the decade; instead of dropping a ton of remarkable albums which she has worked on either in South Korea or the US, all she could have was a longass hiatus after the release of her debut single ‘Lifted’ (which I always think as a mere warm-up song lol) in 2016.

can y’all imagine that?

she’s a top-notch performer. her number one mission has always been to stun everyone the moment she’s stepping on stage. she was one of two artists that being asked to represent South Korea at the 2018 Pyeongchang Olympic closing ceremony and she ate the whole stadion alive.

imagine being none but a literal idiot for wasting her unmatched talents, her golden age, her unstoppable stage presence? I simply can’t be one because nah that certain level of stupidity is beyond my ability.

another painful story is, as many as GZBs who decided to faithfully stay and wait for her music, there was also a large number of them who heavily chose to leave. if you’re starting to wonder who to blame, whose fault is it? well, to be frankly honest, no one (it’s YG Entertainment’s fault tho but I had enough talking about that garbage so).

let me break the situation down for you.

she couldn’t release any song she have produced by herself, she’s basically getting locked up. the desperation was painfully too much to be borne, both for herself and GZBs. dozens of new groups get to debut every year. they’re fresh and young, they have a dozen of chances to promote their songs frequently, to showcase their capabilities. and how’s CL doing? what exactly has she been up to? not even one single fleeting glimpse existed. GZBs were left by confusion, were hanging by only futile hope to listen to her new album which seemed wouldn’t be getting released anytime soon. inevitably, some chose to leave yet the rest wanted to stay. they, whose commendable persistence, truly did.

when the news of her departure from that sexist company broke out in November 2019, following the announcement of the ‘IN THE NAME OF LOVE’ release (in less than a month since she left that broke agency, a glo up I aspire to have tbh) there was a huge relief within me. yes, solely a relief.

there was no scene of weeping a bucket of tears, or more extreme, an agonizingly painful blow within my chest, just like when they announced 2NE1’s disbandment three years ago. picture that as a twinge of irony, because it felt like years ago since the last time I could be just free of worry towards any news coming from K-pop artists I love (and in general tho tbh, 2019 is not definitely the best year of K-pop). that time, I couldn’t resist to pat my head and, if I may add, to give myself the highest praise for making a good decision. yes, hon, once in a lifetime. hashtag I’m indecisive and I knew it.

“smart of you to not ever forget her, to never have any slightest thought for leaving the fandom, to simply stay,” I told myself.

‘IN THE NAME OF LOVE’, a meaningful gift for her friends and GZBs. but above all, a thoughtful letter written by herself to herself which for the most part saying that it’s always okay to start all over again.

it’s an extended play (EP) that contains six songs in total and every two tracks will be dropped in one week. she just released the first two songs, +DONE161201+ and +REWIND170205+, and the responses are nothing but hearty applause. oh anyway, the numbers in each song correspond with the date when the songs were written, as if it’s a kind of diary that depicted her feelings over that time.

in spite of the fact that it’s written 3 years ago, ‘Done’ is an enjoyable and super catchy bop. it’s like a peaceful break-up anthem, something that you can claim as rare topic because recent break-up songs outhere are mostly about the wounded pain and sleepless nights (SHOUTOUT TO AKMU’S HOW CAN I LOVE THE HEARTBREAK WHEN YOU’RE THE ONE I LOVE they can have all the waters from my eyes I truly don’t mind). the lyrics are very straight-forward (which I appreciate the most) and somehow I can’t help but squeezing out some memories from my teenager days by listening to it religiously.

“don’t hit me up

don’t show up on me

the one who left me

baby boy, that was you

please don’t hit me up

don’t call me

I told you that you would regret this, you fool”

2NE1 was widely known for their empowering songs back then, remember? you are allowed to have a sort of vague or even a clear-cut distaste towards the songs they made in their peak of career, but you definitely can’t disregard the truth that they’re effin good at conveying “you broke up with me so you better get your ass out and never come back to me and say you regret everything because duh boy adios” message. been a devoted Blackjack (2NE1’s fandom name) since 2010, it’s just really delightful for me to finally hear their distinctive sound again in newer production provided by the leader. if any of you are in desperate need of a clean break-up jam, Done is a decent choice. btw my personal favorite part of the song is:

“tears I shed for you is my last gift for you

what’s done is done”

(IT’S WAY TOO RELATEABLE I,,)

moving on to the second track, ‘Rewind’ aka a song that turned me into a miserable mess the first second I listened to it. I’m not a genius in music and its magical pieces of stuff but it doesn’t take a genius either to understand the meaning of this song is THAT deep.

“where did we go wrong? I don’t know

it’s too late to say goodbye

let’s try solving this unpromising puzzle

you don’t wanna let me go, me neither

the curtain between us

open it up and let’s rewind”

I think she’s like talking to herself. she’s questioning why everything is falling apart, why things aren’t right in the first place. then after dealing with not-so-momentary confusion and hesitation, she came up with a decision that she only had to go back to the beginning and start over. and it may not be the easiest thing to be done, but even so it’s not a serious problem because she knows that she’s more than capable of proving herself, that she’s never alone along every step in another big journey ahead of her. I’d say ‘Rewind’ is a very encouraging song, it feels so uplifting to be heard on your heavy days.

also, the music videos for both songs are quite personal and emotionally soul-stirring. she produced the video by herself hence you can easily notice the simplicity and creativity she carried on there. one thing that ought to be highlighted is the people who were shown in the music videos. they are her closest friends slash constant supports which are playing an irreplaceable part in her life, especially when times were rough for her with all US debut preparation and everything. on a lighter note, I’m profoundly thankful to know she’s never alone while facing all hardships she got to encounter, that she’d never be obligated to dissemble her feelings because she’s surrounded by her own people who are always all ears for her.

to sum everything up, ‘IN THE NAME OF LOVE’ is a heartwarming start.

it’s not the main release for her high-anticipated return to the music scene, but instead, it brings a long-awaited comfort to the table as if she’s saying “hey fam guess what? I’m still here, I won’t ever give up, let’s do it now” to GZBs. her previous agency had done nothing but ruined her chances to make everything big on time and as now she’s no longer prisoned (I sound so bitter ok I know), I simply can’t wait to see what she got in store and am beyond ready to give my utmost support for a ton of albums she will be releasing from now on.

4 years filled only with the long stretches of waiting have passed, and that, surely not in a blink of an eye. but somehow, she made it. so did GZBs.

welcome back, CL. been long time, hasn’t it?

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pisati · 5 years

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I think I managed to buy myself at least a year.

that’s how long the lease is going to be, anyway.

it’s hard for me to look back now. for a number of reasons. firstly because my memory isn’t all that great. secondly because, despite it not being all that long ago, it feels like I’m looking back at a totally different person.

I noticed... maybe yesterday. after reading some old posts on timehop. I do need to get out of that habit, I know. I guess I feel kind of afraid of forgetting. not that I have much to be proud of remembering. but uh. I was so fucking miserable, lol. I would’ve called a lot of it “just okay” when I was still in the midst of it. not great, not bad. I did well in school. I worked hard. I kept to myself for the most part, and sometimes it got lonely, but I made it work. I learned how to be alone and at the very least not want to die because of that fact. I missed my friends so much it hurt, but what could I do about it? after I moved home, it went straight downhill. I dug myself into a hole I knew I didn’t want to be in. I didn’t see another way out. I guess I learned how to resign myself to it. I was surprised at how much better I felt once I got out of it. I’m surprising myself right now with how much better I feel than even then.

I loved what I was studying in school. I really liked the person I thought I was becoming. but with my health and with my indecisiveness about grad school and industry... it all faltered. I was scared. I’m still scared, if I’m honest.

I see more avenues now, but I don’t really know which one to try. I think I do really need to prioritize supporting myself alone. that’s the way my life seems to be heading. can’t say I’m terribly upset about that fact, but at the same time... I’m starting to wonder if I’m really okay being alone or if it’s a face I put on so I won’t be so hurt. I really don’t think it’s the worst, but.. ya know.

so as far as that’s concerned. I need to make some decisions, and I’m just really not sure what I want.

I could stick with animal care. right now, I’m actually happy. I mean... I wouldn’t go that far; I’m not thrilled and I’m still nervous about how much there still is to learn. but I haven’t felt this sense of balance in a long time. I don’t dread waking up every single day. at my appointment the other day, my endocrinologist seemed to be really happy that I have the job I have right now, because, as she put it, “it’s really therapeutic for you to be working with animals”. I never thought about it like that, but she’s right. it’s why I love going to the shelter, and why I’ve been going back at least once a week (if I can) for almost 2 years. I know I love animals, and it’s really helped me mentally to have rats these last few years, but it didn’t occur to me that getting to see dogs and cats every day would have such an influence on my mood. even if I don’t get to pet them, even if they’re really nervous, even if my job on tech days is to hold the peanut butter stick or break up treats to let them lick the bits off my fingers so they don’t wiggle during blood draws. I come home and I don’t have to drag myself upstairs; I don’t curl up on my floor (or in bed, if I can make it there) and cry, feeling like I want to jump out the window. I don’t feel like my day is being wasted; I feel like I actually get something done. sometimes it’s hard for me to tell exactly how different I feel; I remember that day when I felt so fucking awful I didn’t know what to do; that day that prompted my first psychiatry appointment. but looking back on it it’s hard to remember how much worse that feels than what I feel now. when I’m in it, it’s hard to remember feeling better. I’ve been depressed for so long, it’s hard to see anything without a shadow over it.

I don’t think I could do tech for real. I’d need to dedicate a lot of energy to redirecting my entire education, and even if I did that, I wouldn’t get paid enough to live on my own. the techs at my practice know so much, and they can do so many things, and they still barely get paid more than I do. in order to become an LVT you need a licensure course; I know my local community college offers a 2-year program. but 1. it’s expensive, and 2. I just don’t think I could. I watch what our more experienced techs do; they’re assisting on surgeries, doing anesthesia and x-rays, consulting with owners on estimates and surgery aftercare, and they’re pros at blood draws, vaccines, nail trims, and anal gland expressions. I get nervous when dogs twitch away from blood draws, I don’t know if I could handle some of the severely anxious pets I’ve seen. I’m still not really comfortable handling dogs or cats, though I’m okay at faking it. one of the doctors hinted to me today that as part of my vet assistant training I’d maybe learn vaccine administration and anal gland expressions, and that makes me nervous too. and those are the easy ones, so they say. the assistant I was shadowing today (who I’ve easily got at least 6 years on) did a blood draw and anal glands on at least one or two dogs, and it just... it seems like something beyond my abilities. I’m sure it could only help me to learn those things, though, so maybe I’ll just have to learn to be more open to it.

because another option I’ve considered is trying to pursue shelter work again. my shelter is opening their new location next year, as far as I know, and they’ll be looking for new care staff. it’d be a government job, with government benefits. just county government, of course, but it’s still something and it’d still look good on any resume. with medical experience I’d be a much more valuable candidate. I’m sure my shelter would love to hire me since staff already knows me pretty well.

but even that wouldn’t pay enough. not here.

mom’s not going to support me forever. she’s told me that, I know that, and I don’t expect her to. I know I need to get my feet under me, and thankfully she knows I’m trying. but I’m honestly really scared that I’ll have to force myself into something else that makes me miserable just so I can afford to support myself. I hate that I have to choose. I absolutely fucking hate it. that’s another reason why being alone blows. my friends with significant others can afford shit, even if it’s just the basics, because with their earnings combined it’s doable. I’m not about to force a relationship for financial stability, but I would also like to be happy with my job, and I feel like in order for that to happen I’m going to need more support. right now it’s coming from my mom. I’m grateful for that, truly, but I know I can’t lean on her forever.

so I feel like I have to look at grad school. I just don’t know what degree I want. what kind of career I want, where I want to go from here. a sterile, professional environment just... it feels like something I couldn’t go back to, now that I know what it’s like to get my hands dirty. I’ve always known I’m this kind of person; I feel so stuffy in even business casual clothes, and I’m so out of place in professional settings. I resent the fact that I have a LinkedIn, lmao. I just don’t know what degree I could try to go for that could afford me better opportunities at jobs like the one I have, or more like the ones I could be comfortable in. I feel like there may even be a niche market for some kind of small animal thing (mom suggested I create something like Rover but for small/exotic animal petsitters, and one of the shelter staff said I could probably make a killing making little beds for guinea pigs). I’m not really an entrepreneur, but if I can find something like that and make it work, hell. but do I want to go down the animal path? after all this? after my linguistics degree, all my research and tech experience?

that’s where looking back kind of pains me. I feel like an entirely different person from even two years ago. I can hardly remember my schooling; I feel really detached from the linguistics sphere as a whole, and it was a place I wanted to fit so badly. I don’t know what I want. I don’t really think I knew then either.

but anyway. I have a year, starting in december. at least a year that I’ll be ‘stuck’ here, but I don’t think I’m too upset about that right now. what I’m worried about is if, a year from now, I still won’t have made any decisions. I had a year-- over a year-- to think about it, after my last job, and I’m still no closer to having a goal.

well. much to think about

#blah blah

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astrology-india · 5 years

Text

How To Attract a Leo Man And Make Him Want You

New Post has been published on https://www.astrology-india.com/how-to-attract-a-leo-man/

How To Attract a Leo Man And Make Him Want You

I presume that you’ve got your eye on a Leo man. That is not so surprising, because this guy is always at the center of attention. So you are probably wondering how to attract a Leo man and make him chase you?

Leo is a fire sign in the zodiac, born under the influence of the Sun itself. And like the Sun, he always has to shine. Being a Leo has its drawbacks, of course.

He can be a bit superficial, for example, or care about the opinions of others way too much. But all in all, this man is really charismatic and confident.

How to attract a man like that, you ask? I must tell you that it may not be easy to get his attention. His standards are usually pretty high, you know. On the other hand, if you have a higher social status than him, that might be a problem as well.

But that should not worry you at all. He is not as strict as he seems. He just thinks that he deserves the best and that he is the best. Honestly, everybody needs to be a bit like him sometimes. We all should think that we deserve the best. So, don’t be repelled by his flaws, but rather attracted by his good traits.

Anyway, this article will give you some main tips on how to get his attention, the first being a proven method which is activated by carefully worded text messages.

If you think that you cannot approach your Leo guy directly, then I firmly recommend a program by Amy North called “Text Chemistry”. Amy is a well-respected relationship expert, and many women have had successful results using her work.

The program is based on sending the right messages which are absorbed by a man’s subconscious mind, which can make him instantly obsess about the woman who sent them.

Now let’s talk about a Leo man and understand what he is looking for in a woman. To get his attention we must know what sort of things turn him on.

Tips on how to attract a Leo man

Always look your best

Unfortunately, a Leo man is a bit superficial when it comes to physical appearance. Of course, every single man loves seeing a beautiful woman, but for a Leo man, it’s on a whole other level. You see, it influences his reputation very much.

He loves to be admired, and that is why he cares about his partner’s appearance. She needs to be as good-looking as he is, so put a lot of effort in with your looks. Improve your skin routine, do your hair and your nails, and wear your best clothes.

A Leo man loves things that are shiny and that look expensive. He enjoys luxury. The more expensive you look, the more attractive you will be to him. But care needs to be taken to look classy, not brassy!

You can post more pictures on social media, in which you look gorgeous. Try to gain more followers on Instagram. Maybe it sounds unnecessary, but this guy loves women who are noticed by other people.

In this article, you can find more about what he looks for in a woman, if you still don’t know what to do in order to look and behave exactly the way he likes.

Be strong, confident and self-indulgent

I was talking about looks earlier, but you need to remember that looks mean nothing if you have no self-confidence and if you don’t believe in yourself.

Both of them are equally important in general, not just when attracting a Leo man is in question.

He wants a woman who can keep up with him and who will understand his attitude. He just won’t be interested in a woman who is too shy, afraid to state her opinion or too indecisive. He wants a woman who knows who she is and what she wants.

Embrace your talents and let him know that you indeed are a real prize. A Leo man’s standards are pretty high, even when his partner’s success is in question. I don’t mean particularly on a career level but rather on her point of view.

Show him that you will never settle for less than you think you deserve. That is what will attract him for sure.

Assure him that you are ready for a relationship

You must keep in mind that, when in a relationship, this guy is usually committed. He is actually really romantic when he opens up, but he needs your trust in order to do so. You must be reliant and full of understanding.

Always listen to what he has to say and be there for him. This guy’s ego is really sensitive. That means that if he has opened up to you, or if he confides in you, consider yourself very lucky. That means that he trusts you. I must add that he usually doesn’t trust people that easily.

Also, don’t forget that you need to show him that you are ready for a relationship, because that is what will attract him. I don’t say that a Leo man is a prude and that he doesn’t like casual relationships, but if he is really attracted by you, he will want to have you only for himself.

To be sure that you will say the right things to make him interested, definitely check out Amy North’s “Text Chemistry”. This is a complete program that has been proven to work in getting the attention and positive reaction from a Leo man.

Also, in this youtube video, you can find even more information about attracting a Leo male. This astrologer is funny, has a pleasant voice and she is easy to follow. She provides a lot of information as well.

youtube

Conclusion

I have covered the most important things that you can do in order to get Leo man’s attention.

I know, it maybe seems tricky, because he usually looks like he doesn’t need anyone. But truth be told, he is the most romantic of all the fire signs, and, even if he might not admit it, he loves being in love.

That is why you should not give up! This guy’s standards should motivate you to become a better version of yourself. But don’t do it only to impress him. Do it because of self-love. He will certainly take notice of you if you truly believe in yourself. Become strong. Become even more inwardly beautiful.

Trust me, he will go crazy about you, and he will definitely be sure that you are worthy of his time and effort.

#Attraction #chase you #Leo man

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leannekoenig · 5 years

Text

Undecided Major

My 3rd semester is almost over and I’m finally starting to conclude an actual major. I’ve been so indecisive about what I want to study. Though, I do have a specific type of work in mind. I’m stuck between Occupational Therapy and Special Education. Both lines of work have similarity’s like, working with others who have disabilities, skills work, sensory, and motor.

I have always been interested in working with special needs. In junior high I volunteered to help the teachers in the special ed class for a whole semester, I was in the 6th grade and that’s when my interest came about. Then, in high school I volunteered and shadowed the special needs class at the career center for my senior project. That made me even more interested. I began to feel thats where my heart belonged, helping others in need.

Since I had a little experience working with special needs, this past summer a dear family friend of mine introduced me to apply for the summer camp job that’s she works at. This summer camp is for kids with special needs and disabilities. I was very interested, so I then applied and contacted the director of the camp. I got the job and attended training. I met all of the other soon to be counselors during training and they were all great people.

When the season started, I prepared for the worst considering it was going to be a lot different than volunteering in a classroom, but I am glad that I did because it made me have more of an opened mind. I will say, the first couple weeks of camp I was nervous about what to do and how to entertain the campers. After that, I was more confident with preforming activities like, singing songs, introducing a craft, and playing games with the campers. I also became more aware and alert of each campers safety.

Yes, us councselors got messy from paint, glue, marker, food, and all different kinds of sticky craft materials and liquids, but seeing the campers finish a craft and being very proud of what they made was all that mattered. Yes, I got my hair pulled and biten a few times, but at the end of the day each camper went home happy from a days worth of fun activities. Then, we would do it all again the next day. I sure will never forget this past summer. Our camp site director, who was also my family friend was right when she said you’ll have that one summer that changed you and it sure did.

Anyways, whether I decide to major in special education or occupational therapy, I will always have a passion for helping others, especially the ones in need.

-Leanne

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chickenstuffedwithmozzarella · 6 years

Note

Holii! Yesterday your inbox was hungry again and ate the ask number 8 :( (i don’t really know if the problem lies on your inbox or im doing something wrong when sending the asks tbh). Im sending it again only bcs it was the first part of the two asks i send about my sister, and maybe getting only half of it doesn’t make that much sense. You don’t have to answer, it just bothered me, sorry xd

Awwwww, I have customer that always says holiiiii!!! When she comes. And now she reminds me of you, jajajaa. But I read your holiii!!! with her voice 😅. I counted yesterday asks and there were 10, so maybe this time the problem was in your end 😝😝?? I see we’re both geeks of tech things,jajajajaja. Also, where is the message about your sister again??? jajajajajaj 🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️ what a pair. I thinks is just Tumblr, that is shit… jajaja

I saw the video of SOOT/Durkink. I wasn’t expecting that and i laughed too loud. JAJAJAJA. Also, i don’t know if you have instagram, but did you see Liam’s stories? He tried singing JBalvin parts and it was a mess. I guess they can now understand my struggle. He looked so lost, poor baby. That was even better than “una sacapuntas”. 😂 Anyway, i’m going to answer you now. (oh, and i’m sorry but for me its no under the cut. No even if i log in and read it on my dash).

Jajajajajja, it was very funny, wasn’t it? I’m gonna tag you in everything that makes me laugh,jajajajaja. Awwww, liam was so cuteeeee. I laughed so much as his puppy face. He looked so lost. He was so convinced he was talking Spanish… ayyyyyy. It’s a 10 for the effort. I kept thinking: that’s how I must sound singing in English,jjajajaja.

Here we go. Okay, first of all,i have to say that this new distribution was so confusing the first time i read dit, bcs it took me a while to figure out what were my asks and what were your answers, so at times i started reading and went…uuumh, that sounds familiar, i could have written that. Waaait… 🤦 🤦 🤦 Quite lame, jajajajaja. (1)

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 I’M SO SORRY FOR THAT MESS!!! I wrote everything in a note. And your asks were in bold. And when I started I thought: remember to check later that it stays this way on tumblr!! Butttttt, when the time came I was SO SLEEPY!!! I totally forgot!!! 😅😅. So, I’ll go back to normal this time, just in case (though I’m writing it the same way. I hope I don’t forget later🙏🏻). Also, I wanted to tell you a lot more, but I forgot everything,jajaja.

Yees, im feeling better, thanks for asking

Well, if it was fatigue, you have the whole weekend to rest. Hope your feeling better. Lol, I feel the same, jejeje, when I see you’ve messaged me, I’m like: how do I let her know I’ve read it, but I can’t answer now??? Asjkxs;sjdhcbuidsljd

I’ve been streaming it since yesterday, and imo is not bad. There’s only one sentence im feeling a bit ambivalent about, bcs im picky like that, but i think its quite good. I cant wait to hear it on the radio and tell everybody “THATS MY SON”(My friends are gonna freak out when they discover that for once, i know the lyrics of a JBalvin song. JAJAJAJ). You have to work 10h each day? That’s a long shift. Is that your usual schedule or is only this weekend? Espero que te sea leve 😘 (3)

I heard it again today, for a bit. And it isn’t reggeatton exactly? It doesn’t have that rhythm that I hate, jajjaja. So I think I’ll be able to listen to it. I haven read the lyrics yet, so I can’t tell you anything about it :/ Same about my friends,jajajjaa. I think mine are gonna be more shocked about me knowing a song in Spanish,jajajaja. They’re always teasing about not liking Spanish music. Which is not true, but well… 🤷🏻‍♀️ What sentence you don’t like? And my shit is parted, so al least I have a couple of hour of rest. It’s how small shops work. So 🤷🏻‍♀️ I don’t have to be back till next Saturday, so… jajajajaja

Ohhh. (I see what you did with IICF lyrics. Smart girl). I was indeed paying attention. I swear. I took notes and answered you at the same time. I’m used to take notes of the subjects while doing essays, so it wasnt hard. Your taxes are on safe hands, don’t worry. My indecisiveness help me broke the system. You choose the pink??? Well done!💖 (4. I think? Why do i lost track so easily?)

How lucky you are, you can pay attention to more than one thing. If smartphones and SM had been a thing back on my student days, I would have failed everything. In fact I did. The first time I had internet at home, I was 15. Oh god! The memories. Back then, Terra’s chat (that you probably don’t know what it is. I myself, don’t remember exactly either) was very popular to talk to people. I met a guy. Ah! My first real crush. We talked everyday via Messenger!! Awwww, he was 17. We talked so much… jajajajajaja I was pretty obsessed. We talked from 6pm (it was when my internet started to be cheaper), till 12am (bc we both had to wake up early the next morning. Oh my god!!!!! Jajjajaja. One day I told him my real age (he thought I was 16), and then we lost contact. Ay! my first love,jajajaja. We never met. ANYWAY!! This all just to tell you that I failed 6/11 class subjects that the first trimester!! It was the first time I had failed ANY class! And ended failing the whole year 🤦🏻‍♀️. So, good for me to not have had an iPhone back then,jajajaja.

Yes me too. With some of the shirts from Harry’s merch I feel like they didn’t even try. Lyrics with a font that looks like Times New Roman… Really? And yes. They are expensive. You haven’t decided it yet? Do they usually have the same things that in the web? Do they have more As you see, im not very versed in merchandising or concerts. Enlighten me pls. (I must say, i’m loving the Honey updates). (5).

I don’t even know what/where/IF they sell merch at Niall’s concert. I would think they do, but 🤷🏻‍♀️. I think I’d buy a shirt. I have the shirt Steve sold for JHO (all black, with Louis and Steve’s silhouettes on the breast, and just hod on written in the back); and the shirt of Harry’s concert. So I’ll like to have one for each of the boys. I’ll see.jejeje.

Yes, it makes perfect sense. I totally get it. When I first heard OMO I thought “lol, me”. And when i heard Mirrors i though “not so lol. Me too”. I was so touched when he explained what was the reason that made him wrote Mirrors. He is too pure. We are so lucky to have him. After hearing your story i can assure you; i’m never going to get a lip ring. Never. Do you still have it to this day? 9 ear piercings? I still have to find the energy to go and get a 2nd one. (6)

One of the things I’m loving about the hiatus, it’s my new love for Niall. When I first knew the band I thought: I can understand why people like all the boys, but Niall? What’s is there to like??? And oh girl, was I wrong! In my humble opinion, he’s the one who’s having the best solo career. Not based in awards or anything like that ( I don’t think successfulness is marked with that). But I don’t know, he’s making a name for him. He had it so “difficult”. Because when people heard his name, they didn’t put a face or a gossip story behind it. But step by step his making himself known, and I’m very proud. And I love his music. And I love to hear him talking in interviews. And those work out sessions are paying off, ajajajajajjaaajsj. So, all my respect to him. (To te rest too, eh 😜)9 ear piercing plus the ones you “get born” with!!! Jajaja. Those were the 00s,jajjajaja.

Well, they cant be much cheaper than now, right? Bcs now we have to pay for separate tickets. That way would be just 1. Let’s see. They would play all of their songs from Four. Almost all of the tracks from Made in the AM and MM. Compulsorily. But i let them have creative license choosing which songs from UAN & TMH they want to play. Im no dictator. What about you? What would you choose? A camera? Which kind of camera? I’m sure you’ll use it again. There’s plenty of occasions, trips & so. (6)

See? I was very sleepy, I didn’t thought about that. It would be just one ticket, not four like now. I seriously hate them. They only want me for my money 😡😡😂😂😂😂. My setlist would have to have! Over Again (indispensable), Four’s songs, MITAM’s songs, solo’s songs. Also, the stage would be small, so they had to talk with each other and walk around each other. And I don’t know, I just want them back together, jajajja. The camera I bought is the LUMIX TZ70. I saw someone has posted videos of Harry’s concert from very far away, but it was only his face. Like it had a big BIG zoom. And I went to their IG, and they had the name of their camera as a bio,jajaja, bc people asked them too much. So I looked it up in Amazon. And I bought it. Mymy. Now I only have to go on trips and those things to use it…😅.

Right direction? What a responsibility. Idk. All that topics are really related to what im studying, so i just learn about it in class, and then, outside the classroom, i read as many articles and books as i can. I just read whatever seems interesting to me. Sorry i’m useless. What i wanted to say is that im no expert on any of that subjects, but i find them interesting. Thats all. (Your mom cant recognise Liam? Im surprised bcs Liam has quite a distinctive voice, at least to me). (7)

I think it is interesting. I’d love to know a lot more. I just like to learn new things. And I love when people tell and explain me things when I’ve said something wrong. So, that’s what I meant, jejej, that if I ever say something wrong, feel free to call me out on it, please.I don’t know why she can’t recognize his voice!! She just says: it’s not this or that, so it has to be him,jajajaa. (I need your opinion on zayn and j Bieber, before I go on with this,jajaja).

JAJAJAJ. Sadly i get too many “hmmm, if you want…” with my friends. And they are usually followed by “You all are crazy”. But yeah, whatever. I’m living my truth. I’ll definitely come and talk to you. Dont worry. (8),

Yes please!! You’re always welcomed here with every wild thought you have!! Jajja. I’ll do the same. I’ll write tags post to you whenever I have something to tell you, jajajaja. Now, I’m gonna check my inbox again, to make sure I had t left any ask without answer. You sent 12 asks today?? You’re amazing!! Thanks!! Ayayayay!!! I have to talk to you about a fic I’m reading. I haven’t finish it yet, but girl! It’s one of those I’ve had to stop reading bc it was to cute!!! I have even hugged my iPad because I couldn’t hug Louis,jajaja. Do you read fics?? If that… lets talk, jajajajajja.Last, Honey came to say hello a while back. Their cousins (my sister’s dog) is spending the weekend here with them, because my sister is on a trip, so it will be an eventful weekend, I’m sure, jajajaja.Byeeeee Love!!! ❤️❤️❤️

Pd: answering to the last thing you said yesterday :) LOU IS BACK!!! But how predictable that was!!! Jajajja. Even I said we would see him now that Harry was a world away. Anyway, I love seeing his face. Can’t wait for what it’s to come!! Bring it!! Jajajja

#anon #this looks better doesn't it #jajja #AHHHHH!!! it's 1am!! I’m going to go to bed!!!!#cdncuedndnciefc #I tried the read more again #I don’t know why it doesn't work 😒

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scholaarblog · 7 years

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Dean Cipriano – Deluxe Lead Generation System

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Kenneth Saunders, Agent 22 Years

Are You A Human Lobster?

“A lobster when left high and dry among the rocks, has not the instinct and energy enough to work his way back to the sea, but waits for the sea to come to him. If it does not come, he remains where he is and dies, although the slightest effort would enable him to reach the waves, which are perhaps within a yard of him. The world is FULL of Human Lobsters: Men stranded on the rocks of indecision and procrastination, who instead of putting forth their own energies are waiting for some Grand Billow of good fortune to set them afloat.”

Dean Cipriano – Deluxe Lead Generation System Free Download

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