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nebulablakemurphy · 1 year

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Moves & Countermoves (Part 17)

Summary: No one ever wins the games, even fourteen years later, Y/N is still playing.

“People of Panem, we fight, we-” Katniss freezes, staring at her own reflection. Makeup done, hair styled to perfection, holding up a stick for the camera. This isn’t real. This isn’t war.

“Does she know the line?” Plutarch asks, into the microphone, for all to hear.

“I know it.” Katniss shakes her head to clear it.

“She’s just warming up.” Effie explains. Even she has joined the effort, leaving behind her drab quarters for Katniss.

“Alright, let’s go again. Whenever you’re ready.” Plutarch instructs.

Y/N sways, soothing her tired infant to a sleepy submission on the opposite side of the glass. Daisy May is not fond of sleep, especially with the world bustling around her.

Katniss gets back down on one knee. This is take three.

“Maybe if you show her.” Cashmere whispers to Y/N.

“Might not be a bad idea.” Plutarch watches the mockingjay, with a hand to his head.

“Yeah?” Y/N is willing to try.

“Here,” Cashmere puts her arms out, “gimme the baby.”

Y/N looks down at her daughter, kissing her tiny nose and handing her off.

She fusses for a moment, in Cashmere’s hold.

“Shh,” the blonde coos, allowing the baby to take a fistful of hair. “It’s ok, my Daisy.”

The little girl sighs, closing her grumpy eyes, never letting go of Cashmere’s waves.

“Ok, Katniss, Y/N’s coming in to do a demonstration. Just follow her lead and we’ll go from there.”

“Yeah, ok.” Katniss’ eyes scan the reflective surface, searching for her.

A second later, her mentor pops through the connecting side door. She is not made up, or wearing some crazy outfit, her stylist squeezed her into; she is just Y/N. Somehow that is enough.

“I’m a method actor, obviously.” Loved her fake husband so much that their staged marriage became a real one.

Not that Haymitch is any better. Content to kiss the ground where she walks, if he couldn’t be with her.

The joke lands only with Plutarch and Cashmere. Katniss thinks she understands, but doesn’t find it all that funny.

“First thing’s first, I’m gonna move around a little, get the blood flowing, get that shortness of breath.”

Katniss moves with her, trotting in place like a show horse.

“Good, now we’ll go down on one knee.” Y/N demonstrates and Katniss follows. “Slowly and with some effort, I’m gonna rise to my feet.”

“Because you’ve just been in battle.”

“Exactly,” Y/N smiles, before her features harden.

She is a thousand miles away, just stormed the outskirts of the Capitol. The ease with which she shifts from one to the other terrifies Katniss.

“People of Panem, we fight, we dare, we end our hunger for justice!”

Even with the wind and the stupid stick in Y/N’s hand, raised in the air, Katniss almost believes it. This is the type of person that fuels a rebellion.

She was the people’s victor. She won her own way, same as Haymitch. So Snow manacled them together and scarred them with his brand.

The more Katniss learns about Y/N the more her heart aches, for the indifference she held toward her for so long. To know her is to love her and it’s a shame that not many people ever did.

“Yes! That was perfect.” Plutarch exclaims, “Katniss, now you try it. Just like that.”

“O-ok,” Katniss stammers.

Y/N moves aside, switching places so that Katniss is on the pedestal.

Katniss repeats the words verbatim, copying Y/N’s performance as best she can. She only agreed to be the face of the revolution after seeing what happened to district twelve. After seeing the reaction to Peeta’s interview with Caesar, she knows this is the only way to protect him.

There’s a slow clap from the corner, growing closer until he steps into view. The top of his blonde hair covered by a dark knit hat. “And that is how a revolution dies.”

Katniss glares at Haymitch, his hand resting at Y/N’s waist, as if no time has passed between them.

“Is this how you greet an old friend?” Haymitch cocks his head to the side.

“Maybe I don’t recognize you sober.” Katniss bites out.

“I guess it looks as bad as it feels.”

Y/N turns to him, whispering something Katniss can’t make out.

He offers her a smile and a chaste kiss.

Katniss sees herself and Peeta. The way they might have been, ten years down the line. Peeta would love her like that…and she’d love him the only way she could.

It would bubble up and swell in her chest, until she burst. Just like Haymitch, pouring from an empty cup.

————————————————————————

Katniss sinks down in her chair, as the propo plays for the team. Wishing she could melt into it, disappear. No one’s going to buy this.

Y/N rubs at her back, “it’s not as bad as you think.”

“You’re right,” Haymitch cuts in, “it’s worse.” He’s always been a tough love kind of guy. Even with an infant strapped to his chest, he isn’t brimming with compassion.

Y/N rolls her eyes, “not helping.”

“Indulge me for a moment.” Haymitch holds both hands up in surrender. “Lets everybody think of one incident where Katniss Everdeen genuinely moved you.” He moves to the digital display, in front of the meeting table. “One moment where she made you feel something real.”

“Ooo,” Effie waves a hand. “When she volunteered for her sister at the reaping.”

“Excellent example.” Haymitch uses his forearm to clear data from the screen. He’s observed enough of Y/N and her tablet over the years, this technology is no different. “Hope that wasn’t important.” He steals a glance over his shoulder, before scribbling in, ‘volunteer 4 sis,’ with the stylus.

“And when she volunteered for Y/N.”

“When she sang that song for little Rue.”

Haymitch adds it to the list. “You know Effie, I like you better without all that makeup.”

“Well, I like you better sober.” The woman says in return, causing Haymitch to glare at her.

“When she chose Rue for an ally as well.” Beetee chimes in.

“Now, what do all of these things have in common?”

“Nobody told her what to do.” Gale understands better than anyone.

“Unscripted,” Beetee agrees, “yes. So maybe we should just leave her alone.”

“And wash her face.” Boggs narrows his eyes, “she’s still a girl, you made her look thirty-five.”

Katniss smiles at this.

“The opportunities for spontaneity are obviously lacking, here below ground.” Plutarch points out. “So what you’re suggesting is that we toss her into combat?”

“I can’t sanction putting an untrained civilian into combat for effect. This isn’t the Capitol,” Coin argues.

“Oh, that’s exactly what I’m suggesting. Put her in the field.” Haymitch knows this is the only way.

“No, we won’t be able to protect her.” The president looks to Y/N now. Surely she is not onboard with this.

“It has to come from her, that’s what people respond to. You want a symbol for the revolution, she cannot be coached into it. Trust me, I know.” Haymitch presses on.

“He’s right,” Y/N sighs. “It’s not ideal but…it’s our only option.”

“Maybe there’s someplace less dangerous.”

“District eight, they sustained heavy bombings last week. No military targets left.”

“We can’t guarantee her safety.”

“You’ll never be able to guarantee my safety,” Katniss adds. “I wanna go.”

“And if you’re killed?” Alma’s words hang heavy between them.

“Make sure you get it on camera.”

————————————————————————

“You realize this is dangerous, let alone highly irresponsible.” Haymitch remarks, watching his wife load her gun. The bullets are color coded; black for regular, yellow are incendiary, and red for explosive. Though they’ve been asked not to fire the red ones down here.

“Yeah.” Y/N cocks the gun, squeezing the trigger and letting the bullet fly. She’s gotten better with practice, now hitting her target at dead center. “You don’t approve?”

“I didn’t say that.”

“Then what are you saying, Haymitch?”

“As your former mentor, I’m not inclined to advise you waltzing into a war zone.” You search for water. High ground, stay away from the cornucopia.

Y/N nods, “and as my husband?”

“I’m even less inclined.” Though his feelings for her have shifted over the years, the need to protect her is fierce and unwavering.

“I can’t lose Katniss.” Not like we lost Peeta.

“Yeah,” Haymitch huffs, “I get that.”

She sets down her weapon, on the steel table in the training room. “I’m a good shot.”

“You are.”

“I’ve been working on my stamina, I’m almost back to where I was before Daisy.”

Haymitch won’t deny it. “You’ve got good aim, you’re fast, resourceful and a little bit scrappy. You can survive in harsh conditions.” You’re my victor. “But there’s a hole in your uterus the size of a dinner plate.”

“Was,” Y/N corrects him. “The doctors cleared me for this.”

“I watched you almost bleed to death; twice. So you’ll have to forgive me for being reluctant to let you risk your life. I understand that this is important to you-”

She turns, cupping his cheek, pressing a kiss to the tip of his nose. “I wouldn’t want you to go either. I love you too much.”

Haymitch affords her a soft grin, “that always gets in the way, doesn’t it?”

Y/N lifts a shoulder, “somehow I just keep getting sucked in deeper.”

“You keep getting sucked in?” He chuckles. “I was perfectly content on my own for over a decade, before you put your hooks in me.”

At this she laughs, harder than she should. “Don’t make it sound so romantic now.”

Still his arms are around her. Y/N’s at the nape of his neck, toying with the hair that has started growing in with gray peppered throughout and makes him feel every bit his age.

Their lips meet, by her accord or his own; he can’t say for certain. Y/N bids him closer. Deeper, harder, more. I’m yours. Nothing more, nothing less…just hers.

“Stay off him!” Cashmere scolds from the entryway, effectively breaking them apart. “It’s like you’re trying to singlehandedly repopulate this hellhole.”

“Our contribution to this great nation,” Haymitch salutes her.

————————————————————————

“We’ve gotta be quick about this. Get in and get out.” Boggs orders, as they file out of the hovercraft. Nobody wants the mockingjay on the ground for long.

Introductions are brief. Commander Paylor, of district eight, shows them to the makeshift hospital.

Bodies of fallen civilians line the entrance, covered only by tarps. “There’s a mass grave, about two miles west. But I can’t spare the manpower to move them.”

This place is a breeding ground for infection. All the wounded in one place, nothing sterile in sight.

“Don’t film me in there. I can’t help them,” Katniss says to Cressida, as they move farther into the masses.

“Just let them see you,” the woman insists. She left the Capitol for this, she knows what she’s doing.

“Come on,” Y/N gives her shoulder a squeeze.

Katniss opens her mouth to speak but Y/N disappears into the crowd, helping nurse the wounded.

There is someone in the corner; no one tends her, she is alone and clearly suffering. A bucket of water, with a single sponge inside, sits beside her, bandages to the left.

“I’m surprised they let you out just to show face. Thought you were more important than that.” The woman from district eight says.

“I’m not here to show face. I’m here to support Katniss and what I believe in.” Y/N takes a seat, beginning to clean her wounds.

“You sure this is the side you fall on?” She chokes out. “There’s no fancy parties or big houses here.”

Y/N lifts a shoulder. “I never liked the parties and the house wasn’t very homey. The only good thing about it was my family inside.”

“People used to look up to you.”

“That was a long time ago,” Y/N murmurs.

“They will again.” The woman is sure of it, “and when they do, make sure you’re ready. Make sure you stay on the right side of things.”

“I was just trying to survive, couldn’t see beyond that.”

“He’ll kill you for this.” President Snow. “For standing with us.”

Y/N nods, with a tired smile. “Yeah.”

“Then why are you here?”

“This is what I believe in…a new Panem. Where we are equals and have a say in our own lives. It’s worth the risk. It’s gonna take all of us, every person in every district, we all have to fight for it.”

The woman presses her lips together, allowing Y/N to dress her wounds. She says nothing else, looking up at the victor, from time to time. I see you.

It feels good to be seen, by a stranger who owes her nothing. Someone to see her without the tainted film of rose colored glasses.

————————————————————————

“How have things been since your release?” Dr. Aurelius inquires.

“Alright, I guess.” Haymitch is not here of his own free will. “Never gonna be good, given the prohibition you have going on around here. But I’d rather be with my family than locked up a mile away.”

“Tell me about your family.”

“My son’s name is Everest, he’s ten. My daughter, Arista is six and Daisy is four weeks old. Then obviously Y/N and her family. Katniss.” Peeta.

“Were they planned? The children.”

“Yes and no.” Haymitch scrubs a hand over his face.

“Can you explain what that means?”

“I don’t want…” Haymitch pauses, “our children are not burdens, Y/N and I have always said that. Those kids are everything and I don’t want that getting twisted. Ever.”

“Of course.”

“Snow gave us deadlines and we met them. With Everest and Arista, we had a year. In that year Y/N needed to be pregnant.”

“But not Daisy?”

“They screwed around with Y/N’s birth control. We’re fertile people, it doesn’t take much.” Haymitch admits.

“And your marriage, would you call it a happy one?”

“Yes, by my account. But I’m sure she’s told you all about me.” This is a joke, for the most part.

“I can’t say much, as it would be a breach of confidentiality. Still you should know, she speaks highly of you. She loves you very much.”

Haymitch drops his gaze.

“Where did you go just now?”

“Nowhere.” Haymitch brushes it off, “I was just thinking.”

“Thinking about Y/N?”

“Isn’t it fucked up how someone like that could love someone me?”

“In what way?” Dr. Aurelius asks.

“I mean you’ve met her.” Haymitch huffs, “had a few sessions.”

“Sure.”

“She’s special.”

The doctor lets him speak.

“She’s a good person. She’s smart and she’s funny and she deserves the world.” Haymitch shifts in the chair, “she got me instead. Not exactly a fair trade.”

“I don’t think she feels that way.” The doctor informs him.

“Hmm,” Haymitch mulls it over.

“From the sound of it, you have always been very protective. Now you tend the children, so she can aide the rebellion. That must be hard for you.”

Haymitch scoffs, “I want to chase her down and bring her back.”

“Then why haven’t you.”

“If you love something, you set it free or some bullshit like that.”

“You love her deeply.”

“Coin offered to ‘dissolve’ our marriage. Did Y/N tell you that?” Haymitch changes the subject.

Aurelius sighs, “she didn’t mention it.”

“Tell me, oh great one, what does that mean?”

“Her mind is made up about you, Haymitch. Whether it’s right or wrong, no matter who deserves what, the heart wants what it wants. You are what she wants.”

“I want her too,” Haymitch snaps.

“You’ve mentioned that you struggle with the fact that Y/N didn’t get to choose you as a partner. Yet each time she does, you cannot accept that she is choosing you. As though you feel unworthy, unlovable.”

“Is that your official diagnosis?” Haymitch wonders, making no effort to confirm or deny.

The doctor flips quickly between entries in his notebook. “There is no distinction in any area of your relationship, a true lack of boundaries. All of your triumphs and failures, all of your sadness and your joy, is either sourced from her or the lives you’ve created together.” Dr. Aurelius tosses both hands up. “The greatest tragedies ever written are love stories, after all.”

Part 18

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lonelyspacedragon · 4 months

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The one and olny thing I will say about this

as a brasileiro let me just give some context on some things

thoses jokes? yeah they were/are pretty lets say "normalisate" here, yes they are disgusting and horrible yes, but they are also very very common

FOR FUCK SAKE OUR SONGS HAVE "novinha" in them thats a way to say young girl, like 15 years young, in a sexual way, its disgusting YES, yes it is, but is so fucking common its almost normal, we have 14 years old boys singing, as in they’are singers sell music and stuff, about sex in a very heavy way

Lissen, my uncle he is like 50 something he has a daughter, (I didn't know this thill this christmas) and he was telling me about her, how she is so hot, and tall and when he goes out with her all the men (and he means men old men 30 something old men) keeps salivating over her and he is all like hey ehat u looking at, in a don't even think of getting close to her but also in a yeah thats my daughter she is hot, and I was like okay, I was envisioning a 18-20 years old by the way he was talking about her, and then he said SHE IS 11, ELEVEN YEARS OLD, I was in shock. It unfortunately is a very very common way of seeing and treating young girls, specially if they are "already all developed"

we have a culture of sexualising young kids, for fuck sake, we had a master chef kids here, one time and one time only, in 2015, and it was disgusting, the amount of men, commenting disgusting things about one of the participants that was 13 I think, and it was so fucking disgusting and bad that we didnt had another one till 2022, exclusively because of those behaviour, we grow up in a disgusting culture of sexualising kids and young teens

to be honest, it was shocking to me when I started accompanying Cellbit and Felps again after so so many years, to see that they are leftist

its a shock because I wasn't expecting that, because I watched those people when I was young and they were too and they said some shitty stuff back there

and yes he had already talked about wanting to delete his old tweets when people wanted to take Pierre out of the qsmp because of old tweets of his and cultural differences, he said the person he was years ago is not who he is now, he said himself that he wasn't happy with his old views on women and politics and lgbt people stuff like that when the stuff with Pierre happened,

He deleted 900 tweets, but did you guys stop to think about it? Would 900 tweets be all about making sexual jokes about minors? And no one would have seen those 900 tweets of him being creepy towards kids?

Or are these 900 tweets also his old views on politics, queer people, feminism? Thinks he had already said he wanted and was deleting because of stuff like this?

lissen almost everyone that is 23+ right now was banging pans for what was basically a coup in ixi 2014 i think? when Dilma was in power and they impcheamented (i don't know how to write this shit in portugues I don't know how in english either) her over something that they(the politicians that wanted her gone - right wingers) made legal a month later, and now those same people are leftists

so yes those are shitty jokes yes, those are shitty views yes, they are, but they are also from 8 years ago, he already said stuff about that, about how his views had changed, and how he was scared that people would do exactly this, get his old tweets and use it to cancel and judge him for it, for views that he no longer has

just think people, does this say anything about who he is now? does he still do this kind of jokes? say those types of things?

if you guys go after all of the qsmp members old tweets and content, I'm sorry to disappoint you but all of them will have things that people will want to cancel them over, if you have to go dig more than one year to find bad things to cancel people over, its that not indicativii that that person no longer thinks like that? that thats no longer who they are now?

Does your tweets from 8 years ago reflects who you are now?

does all of this means you have to forgive him, ignore, watch his stuff, interact with his content? fuck no, do whatever you like and feels better for you, but also have some critical sense for fuck sake

yes if he did something he deserves to be held accountable for it, and if is something worth of being in jail he should be, if he did something criminal he should be dealt with it with the justice, deplataforming him will do jack shit if he did something thing and still walks free, what will this have accomplished?

but if its just old tweets, old jokes, bad jokes at that, but still old, old views that unfortunately are ingrained with cultural context, and that that person no longer has and no longer behaves like and believes they no longer hold, lets just calm the fuck down please

all this to say people change, lets calm down, and wait to see what will happen

#forever situation #forever player #cc!forever #discourse #foreverplayerg

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damn-stark · 7 months

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Chapter 8 The worlds a little blurry

Chapter 8 of Sugar

A/N- I’m not saying to keep the training scene with Satoru in mind, but do it because it will come into play later?

Warning- Swearing, fluff, ANGST!!!, VIOLENCE, Blood and gore, death, spoilers, long chapter.

Pairing- Suguru Geto x Gojo!fem-reader, Choso x Gojo!fem-reader

Episode- Half of 2x05

(Let me know if you want to be tagged)

————

*A YEAR LATER. 2007*

“Here we go!” Shoko exclaims before she and Suguru hurl school supplies at your brother. And of course, only the eraser hits his forehead, whilst the pencil Suguru threw stops because of Satoru’s infinity.

Which is ridiculous by the way, he’s much harder to torment with his infinity on all the time nowadays.

“Yeah, it’s working,” Satoru says as he grabs the floating pencil.

“Ugh,” Shoko groans. “What the heck was that?”

“Automatic selection of targets for your Jujutsu technique?” Suguru questions from behind you.

Satoru nods. “Yup. Though, to be precise I’m the target for the technique,” he explains, making you sigh out of boredom and lean back against Suguru’s legs.

Why does your brother want you here again? To watch him show off? It’s really annoying when he doesn’t explain things right off the bat.

“I’ve automated what I used to do manually,” he continues to say. “Now it can discern an object's danger level based on the strength of its cursed energy, its mass, its velocity, and its shape. I’d like to get it to discern poisons, too, but that’s still proving to be difficult. This will allow me to keep my Limitless technique active almost perpetually with minimal resources.”

“Having it perpetually active will fry your brain,” Shoko points out exactly what you worried about when he told you a couple days back.

“But I can also keep running the reverse cursed technique with the energy I generate on my own,” Satoru explains to her exactly what he told you. “So I’m constantly giving it a fresh brain to work with. I’d already been working on shortening my hand seals. That’s nailed now, too. So I can also activate multiple instances of Blue and Red simultaneously. The only remaining hurdles are Domain Expansion and teleportation over long distances. I should be able to get that down if we set up some courses without any obstacles in Jujutsu High. Shoko,” he calls out and leans forward. “Could you lend me some lab rats?”

“Uh…” she questions. “Well, you have y/n here.”

You furrow your eyebrows and throw your hands up slightly to retort. “Hey!”

Shoko snickers and you roll your eyes before you then shoot your brother a smirk. “What about my cursed technique? Will you learn to protect yourself against me?” You tease him. “With the right amount of power I could definitely break through your infinity.”

Satoru turns his head towards you and tilts his head down before he scoffs. “As if,” he counters smugly. “You’d never be able to hurt me.”

You don’t let that tear you down, you actually grow smug too. “I don’t know man, the air definitely can. I am getting stronger.”

So much so that just last week you got assigned to a mission with your brother, and Yaga says you’ll get assigned to more together because he says your techniques work well together. Which must mean something because the only way your brother and you get assigned to missions together is for the rare group missions you get assigned to.

You still are getting assigned with Nanami and Haibara because you are in the same class, and your teamwork is absurdly well. But it does seem like you’re finally growing strength wise.

It makes you wonder what your parents think about it?

“Well we’ll see won’t we?” Satoru counters your comment. “That’s actually why I asked you to be here,” he finally reveals. “I need you to hit me with your cursed technique.”

You pull your shades down and grin at him. “Oh? You should’ve said that from the beginning!” You exclaim and push yourself away from Suguru to summon air to your hand as you raise it to get ready to lash at him.

However, he throws the eraser at you as he interjects. “Not yet, idiot.”

You pout with disappointment and watch the eraser fall at your feet.

“Suguru,” Satoru calls out next. “Have you lost weight? You okay?”

Your smile fades at the sound of his comment, and when you peer back at your boyfriend you frown with pity. He looks exhausted—well you’ve noticed that he’s looked exhausted for a while now. Just like you’ve noticed that he’s lost weight too.

You like to think it’s just overwork, getting assigned to missions alone must be exhausting, but the truth is you’ve noticed that something has been wrong with Suguru a couple of months after Toji Fushiguro killed Riko; after you entered that damn non-sorcerer cult who cheered over the death of an innocent girl. At first it was subtle signs like sleepless nights, things that you told yourself not to worry about, stuff he told you not to worry about. But he then began to grow distant with your friends, with you. He often lacked motivation, he didn’t show affection, and if he did it almost felt forced, like it cost him a lot of energy.

Suguru also smiled a lot less, and his eyes…his dark eyes have begun to look dull. You try and try to make him feel better, you try to help him in any way you can without pressuring him, but he keeps pushing you away. He’s like a…fading light at the end of a tunnel, no matter how much you want it to reach it, the light grows smaller and smaller.

It hurts, it really does, but he’s not accepting help, so you’re respecting his choice and just trying your best to be there for him in the best way you can. You love him after all. You don’t want to give up on him.

“It’s just heat fatigue,” Suguru assures Satoru. “I’ll be fine.”

“Did you eat too much somen?” Satoru asks cluelessly. Which leads you to wonder if he’s finally noticed Suguru’s distance too. You have brought up your concern for Suguru, but Satoru brushed you off saying Suguru was just exhausted. You’ve never tried since. Especially because as of late Satoru is often busy. Being the strongest comes with a lot of responsibility after all.

You just hope Suguru will feel better soon, that he’ll let you help him at the very least.

“Anyway, y/n, hit me.” Satoru calls for your attention, but you let your eyes linger on Suguru.

He seems to notice and meets your gaze, so you offer him a soft smile. Suguru blinks in surprise before he gives you a faint half smile before he looks away again and loses his gaze on Satoru.

It makes you want to embrace him, give him a small peck, or pull him aside, but your brother steals your attention again. “Hit me with something small, something normal.”

You swallow back before you sigh and return your attention to your brother. “Define normal?” You pick on his comment since it makes no sense.

“Just hit me with your air whiplash,” he explains in annoyance. “Something not too strong, just something you use on, uh, low curses.”

You blow out air and effortlessly summon air to form on your palm, causing the dirt and dust on the ground to pick up softly.

“Okay,” you warn your brother. “Here it goes.” You then proceed to fling your wrist. And just as the orb leaves your hand you manage to maneuver it into a curved line that you lash out at him instead.

But of course the air doesn’t even touch him, it breaks apart around him and flutters away.

“See you can’t touch me,” Satoru rebuttals with a cocky smirk.

You scoff with discontent and stand up. “Okay, all powerful sorcerer, let me hit you with all I got,” you challenge him as you begin to summon more air to your palm.

Satoru snickers and lifts his chin. “Hit me with all you got sis.”

You shoot him a grin and make the still air turn to strong gusts of wind that make Shoko shield her head from the dirt you pick up. You then shift a foot back and draw in a deep breath as the orb in your hand grows.

Satoru places a hand on his hip and looks at you with nonchalance which gets you fired up.

“We are in a courtyard you two,” Shoko points out loudly so she can be heard over the howling wind. “Whatever you break you have to replace—then again it’s not like it’ll make a dent in your money.”

“Ready?” You ask Satoru.

Your brother nods, but just before you can hit him you get a message so you check that first and actually lose all concentration as you see that it's an old non-sorcerer friend.

“Oh my god!” You exclaim. “Satoru guess who just texted me?!” You run over to him and show him the name on the phone. “It’s Suki!” You face your friends and grin. “Suki is Satoru’s ex-girlfriend from our junior high days.”

“Oh right!” Your brother exclaims. “She was your best friend, I completely blanked.”

You roll your eyes and scoff. “Yeah, my best friend, I told you not to date.”

Shoko slouches as she snickers. “Please tell me you got him back for that.”

You flash her a grin and skip back to her. “Oh totally, I dated this rival he had, he was—”

“An asshole,” Satoru finishes for you, which you agree to.

“But,” you add. “He did have long dark red hair he’d dye all the time,” you say thoughtfully whilst you put your phone away.

“Long hair?” Shoko questions. “Oh so it’s like that?”

You blink in confusion and query. “What?”

Shoko glances back at Suguru and snickers. “Oh nothing. Just an observation.”

You look at Suguru, and he meets your gaze to share the same confusion. Albeit his confusion isn’t so prominent on his face.

“I don’t understand,” you mutter and glance back at Shoko. “Elaborate.”

“Well isn’t it obvious you have a thing for guys with…” before you can finish hearing what she had to say her voice trails off as you get startled by an arm thrown around your throat.

There’s only one person not accounted for in front of you; your fucking brother. So it isn’t hard to guess who it was.

“Get the fuck off me you psycho!” You grimace as you grip his arm to try and pull it off.

Your brother chuckles. “You said you wanted to train more. I have time, we’re training.”

You try to kick back, but he easily evades your kicks.

“Satoru,” Suguru finally breaks his silence.

Said man groans. “Don’t worry, Suguru, I'm just helping her because an enemy will never announce when they’re moving against you now will they—“ he comes to a sudden halt as you bite down on his arm after you realize his infinity is off.

It’s the only way his arm would actually touch you.

“What the hell?!” Satoru exclaims and lets go of you to walk back in disbelief. “Did you bite me?”

You do what he wanted this time and summon fast and strong gusts of air to your hand quicker than before. You then spin around without warning and lash it out at him.

You can’t tell if it hit him at all because you proceed to charge at him.

Just before you can reach him though you jump up high above the buildings that surround you. Satoru doesn’t hesitate to smirk before he steps back and jumps up too to try and meet you halfway in mid-air. However, before he can reach you, you counter him by spinning around in the air as you summon wind to your foot to lash out a sharp and strong curved line of air from your foot.

And it seems that some gusts of wind seem to travel through the infinity because he falters in the air.

Nevertheless, it’s not enough to knock him back to the ground or catch him completely off guard because just as you’re turning your body to face him again in the air, your brother grabs ahold of your ankle and quickly flips you around to throw you back to the ground.

And since he is a lot stronger and faster you fail at landing on your feet and land on your back.

The impact hurts, but you muster a playful smile before he lands over you and immediately grabs you by the collar of your jumpsuit to lift your head off the ground.

“Satoru,” Shoko calls out with worry while he raises his fist over you.

Neither of you try to assure her, you look into each other's eyes with no ill feeling, just playful undertones as you wait for him to land a finishing hit.

He doesn’t however, he hesitates, so you take advantage of this moment and gather air to your hand before you slam your hand on his throat, causing him to be thrown back whilst the air in his lungs is knocked out.

“Fuck,” you chuckle and push yourself up, seeing that your brother only landed a foot away from you since your techqinue isn’t strong, and well, he is strong.

“That was a rush. You like that move though?” You ask as you walk over to him. “I call it a knockout. As long as I can touch your throat I can use my cursed technique to throw you back and manipulate the air in your body to knock it out of your lungs.” You chuckle. “Of course, it only works if that person or thing has cursed energy. Otherwise, pft.” You stop and see your brother catching his breath.

“You hesitated,” you point out smugly before you offer him your hand.

Satoru sighs with defeat, but he doesn’t hesitate to slap his hand on yours to let you help him up.

Once he’s on his feet his frown breaks into a proud grin. “Are you okay?” He asks as he slaps his hands on your shoulders.

You nod. “Nothing RCT won’t fix,” you assure him, and instinctively put your hand back so he can give you a high-five.

“Nice work,” he compliments you. “Of course sloppy but good thinking. Plus some of that air did touch me.”

“Well,” you point out as you begin to walk back to your friends now standing on the stone steps. “Air travels fast. So I'm not surprised some gusts of air did touch you. I mean I know it’s not much, but it is some.”

“Keep working on that,” he adds. “And you’ll actually be able to knock me down.”

You smile and turn around to walk back and face him. “Don’t make yourself an easy target though,” you tell him. “It doesn’t matter if I’m your sister.”

Satoru laughs softly. “Trust me I won’t,” he rebuttals.

You reach the step below Suguru and spin around on your heels to face him. However, you notice that he’s on his phone so you wait to speak to him.

“I’ll just say this,” Shoko interjects. “I'm sure a lot of people would pay a lot of money to watch you two fight.”

You lean towards Suguru to press your cheek against his shoulder as you respond to Shoko. “If I were to win, would you quit smoking?” You tease her.

Shoko narrows her gaze on you for a moment while she thinks.

“If you lose, would you smoke?” She rebuttals.

You laugh. “You sound like an addict. Answer me first.” Because jokes on her, you've already smoked with Suguru. You didn’t like the smell it left on your fingers, but you didn’t feel as disgusted that time.

“Fine,” Shoko says with a sigh. “If you were to win I would quit smoking.”

You smile at her brightly. “Ah, good then I’ll make sure to win,” you assure her. Which probably is no comfort at all to her, but you still do so confidently.

“I’d like to see that,” Satoru taunts.

“You will,” you remark. “I’ll beat you. One day.”

Satoru laughs softly and nods. “All right I like the sound of that.”

You smile softly and then back up to look at Suguru.

He has his phone down now and looks at you this time around. Albeit there's something off about the way he looks at you right now that makes your heart jump with gut-wrenching worry.

“I have to leave for my mission now,” he announces to you and the others.

You sigh sadly. “It’s already time?” You complain.

Suguru hums in agreement softly and focuses solely on you now. “Can we talk before I leave?”

Your smile falters as you detect how much colder his voice is. “Yeah, sure,” you answer hesitantly.

Suguru nods softly before he takes your hand and begins pulling you away gently.

“Be careful, Suguru!” Saturo yells out. “Text me!”

Suguru throws back a wave to his friend and doesn’t bother to look back. He doesn't bother to make conversation with you either, and since you feel worry grow within you, you stay quiet too.

It’s only once you're in the tunnel exit that he finally stops walking and faces you with that same gloomy look. Albeit now he can’t even meet you in the eyes.

“Is everything okay?” You ask softly as you grab ahold of his bicep.

Suguru nods stiffly. “Yeah,” he mutters.

You don’t believe him, but you know you won’t get anything else, so you move on. “How long is your mission? You didn’t tell me. Maybe we can do something when you come back home?” You ask.

Suguru swallows thickly and shakes his head. “Y/N...I don’t think this going to work.”

You scoff softly. “I can go to your room, that’s fine. I can even have some food waiting for you. Hm?”

“No,” he counters softly and slowly lifts his gaze to look at you with a long frown and a sorrowful look. “I mean, we have to break up.”

The smile on your smile immediately falls, and your heart sinks. You know you heard him right, there’s nothing going around you to make you mishear him, but you still don’t want to believe those tragic words that just came out of his mouth. “I,” you gasp and let go of his arm. “I don’t understand.”

Tears fill your eyes, and your mind itself begins to race, leaving no room for coherent thoughts.

“D-did I do something wrong?” You ask as you fight the need to cry. “I know things haven’t been the same but Suguru I can help you, just let me help you, please.”

Suguru let’s out a deep breath and looks at the ground to shake his head. “No, you didn’t do anything wrong, y/n

I need you to understand that,” he says and meets your gaze. “You were good, I just…I can’t do this anymore. You deserve better than me.”

Better than him? What does that even mean? He is good, he’s the best, he’s your world.

“No,” you argue and step forward to pull his hand out of his pockets. “I don’t want anyone else, I just want you. Suguru…please talk to me, I’m right here, please.”

Suguru steps back and sighs. “I can’t,” he continues to say. “I can’t drag you along with me anymore. I’m letting you go, y/n. It’s for you own good.”

Tears slip out of your eyes and frustration begins to grow within you over his vague explanations. “You’re being selfish,” you remark. “What do you know about what I need? You keep pushing me away. Everytime…every single time I-I try to get close you push me away. So you can’t tell me what I need.”

Due to your upbringing, it’s hard for you to express yourself in any way, anger, happiness, sadness. Satoru has kind of changed that because he lets you talk to him, but even then when you get frustrated expressing yourself is hard and usually turns to tears. So to express this kind of anger without breaking into a sobbing mess is truly significant. It even surprises you, but anger is all you can feel at this very moment as you face the man you love, as you try to progress the words he’s using to break your heart, as you look into his dark eyes that hide sorrow behind that hard serious expression.

“What I need,” you mutter and step forward with more tears. “Is for you to give me a good reason. We said we’d be honest, please be honest with me.” You clutch your chest and look at him helplessly and hurt. “Please, Suguru.”

Said man holds your gaze for a second before he averts his eyes and nods stiffly. “I did tell you the truth. That was it. I can’t be with you, and you can’t be with me. Not as I am, so please just let it go. For your own sake, y/n.”

You feel physically ill, like you’re going to throw up, or have some kind of attack with the way your heart is racing.

“So that’s it then? That shitty ass excuse?” You cry softly and step back. “Look at me,” you whisper as if you’re out of breath.

Suguru blinks and does as you ask.

“Is that it?” You ask whilst you begin to hear tires approach at the end of the tunnel.

Suguru doesn’t say anything, but you leave him space to explain himself, to give you something better than what you got. You deserve something better, no? All the love you have, the memories you share, the moments you lived need to mean something, no?

You express that all with your watery gaze and with your lips parted ready to fight back. And you know he knows that.

But even still, he leaves you just like that.

“Okay. I…” you try to find something to say but all your anger disappears now just as fast as it came. “I,” that’s all you can muster in your disbelief and growing ache.

“Y/N,” Suguru whispers.

You sniffle and look to see the manager pull up to take Suguru away to his mission, so you step back with your lips parted and your hands trembling.

Suguru steps forward to try and what? Assure you after he broke your heart?

Fuck him.

You turn around and storm away without letting him say anything else, without saying anything else yourself.

You just can’t think anymore, it all hurts, this pain like no other completely overwhelms you to the point you can’t even shed another tear.

You know he’s struggling with something he doesn’t want to say, but you thought he’d be someone who didn’t give up regardless. You thought he’d be someone to give you something more than some shitty excuse, but he wasn’t, he isn’t.

He ended it just like that, everything, a years worth of a relationship is over because of something you don’t even know about. Some selfish reason.

It’s all over…

So what do you do now? You don’t know what to do. You can’t go back to where Satoru is, you’ll break and you don’t want to break and start drama. You can’t go on a mission today because you didn’t get assigned to one. You need to do something…

“Y/N!” You hear Shoko shout.

Shit, shit.

You stop just before you can reach the dorms and draw in a deep breath to try and hide your agony. You can’t cry, so it should be good. Right?

“Back already?” Your friend laughs as she catches up to you. “I’m surprised.”

You exhale and slap on a nonchalant look before you turn and face her with a tiny smile. “Yeah,” you breathe out. “I’m back.”

Shoko stops before you and meets your gaze with a smirk. You smile at her but as you look into your friends eyes your smile begins to tremble and those tears that dried up due to your disbelief come rushing back.

Shoko notices right away and her face falls with concern. “Whoa, is everything okay?” She asks right away and reaches her hand over to grab your arm.

You part your lips and fight your tears as you nod. Shoko scoffs and holds your gaze to try and read what has you on the brink of tears after you saw someone who never fails to make you smile.

She struggles a bit but she then understands what happened without needing you to explain. You wouldn't be crying otherwise.

“Oh,” she breathes out and doesn’t fail to throw her arms around you, causing you to finally break and sob—“he’s an asshole. He is.”

You try to speak, but nothing comes out but a soft whimper as you hug her back tightly.

“Come on,” she whispers and pulls back with her hand sliding down to grab yours. “Let’s go inside. I have all your favorite things in there.”

You’ve had girl friends before, you have cousins, but never one as important as Shoko. Out of everyone, she’s the only one who's touched your heart, the only one you’ve grown to love.

“Here,” Shoko mumbles and sits you down on her bed. “I'll bring the fuzzy socks and the cigarettes? No,” she scoffs to herself. “Alcohol? Fuck…” she trails off and walks to her drawer full of snacks and other things you both may need when you sync up on your periods.

“Ah, never mind, I found just the thing.” She pulls out a pack of your favorite snacks and throws them on the bed along with other things she has stored inside.

“I will take a beer,” you mumble as you put the fuzzy socks on your feet. “And maybe…”

Shoko swipes baggy shirts off her rack and throws them on the bed, making you smile softly over the fact that she already knew. It makes you grateful for her.

“So,” you interject as you put the baggy shirt on. “Have you decided to go on another date with that guy from Kyoto?” You ask her.

Shoko walks over to leave the beers on the bed while she also begins to change. “Yeah,” she mutters. “I decided I’ll go for it, I mean why not? He was a lot of fun.”

You sniffle and lay back on the bed with a pack of snacks and a cold beer in hand. “That’s good…dates are a lot of fun…” you trail off and feel tears fill your eyes all over again.

Now you try to hold yourself back, try to think of something else, but you can’t help the emotions from coming out like word vomit. “Do you think he stopped loving me?”

Shoko hops around to face you whilst she puts shorts on, and proceeds to sigh deeply before she responds with a reassuring tone. “No, I don’t think so. I just think there’s more going on with Suguru. But I don’t think he stopped loving you.” She finishes changing into her comforting clothes and jumps on the bed beside you with her beer and savory snacks.

“Maybe you were right,” you bring up as you drag yourself to sit up and lean your back against the wall. “Dating people you see everyday was a terrible idea. I’m going to have to see him all the time now…it’s going to be so awkward.”

Shoko sighs again and opens your beer can for you since your manicured nails get in the way. “Well,” she says. “I don’t know, maybe I wasn’t right.”

You take the beer and look over at her. “You were,” you correct her.

Shoko grabs her own beer and then meets your gaze. “Well, it depends, doesn't it?” She asks as she opens her own beer.

You sniffle and look at her puzzled. However, you don’t get to ask before she explains herself. “I just mean, Suguru looks like he’s going through something, you can’t blame him for that because some people like that just think it’s for the best.”

You blink in confusion. “People like what?” You probe. “Depressed?” It’s not hard to guess or identify on Suguru, it’s the only explanation for his sudden change.

“Yeah.” Shoko nods and takes a long swig from her beer before she continues on. “And knowing him he thinks he’s dragging you along, that he’s not, I don’t know, enough? I mean you met him when he was confident about his strength, now so many things are changing, and he’s taking that hard and doubting himself.”

With the way she acts so nonchalant and carefree you forget she’s studying to be a doctor, so she always impresses you when she behaves all doctor-like.

“I don’t care if he’s the weakest,” you say shakily so you take a drink of your beer before going on. “He’s enough for me in any way. So I don’t get it…he really hurt me.”

Shoko takes a long drink before she leans back against the wall and wraps her arm around your shoulders to pull you against her. “I know,” she whispers. “I'm sorry.”

A soft sob escapes past your lips, making Shoko hold onto you tighter.

“Look, I’m going to say this completely unbiased,” she interjects as she rests her head on yours. “Fight for him. I know it sounds super cheesy, but do it. You guys make each other happy, and you know fighting for someone doesn’t always have to mean the guy, you can fight too.”

You nod. “I know,” you whisper. “But what if I try and he gives up completely?”

Shoko exhales deeply. “Then you let him go. But I think you should try, and maybe try and reach him too. He doesn’t want to talk to me.”

“Or me.” You sigh and pull back to take a sip of your beer. “I’m just…scared.”

Shoko nods. “I understand, but won’t trying at least satisfy you? If it doesn’t work at least you can say you tried—my parents,” she begins saying and averts her gaze. “They went through a rough patch when I was young, but they fought for each other and came back stronger. Now they’re all sappy and hardly ever apart.”

You laugh softly. “Are you comparing me to your parents?” You ask.

Shoko rolls her eyes. “I'm giving you an example,” she quips. “Fight, or don’t and you’ll find someone else with long hair.”

You tilt your head in confusion whilst you take a drink. “I don’t get it,” you mumble.

Shoko snickers. “You totally dig guys with long hair,” she points out.

Your ex had long hair, Suguru has long hair now and it was also longish before. And all your celebrity crushes—oh. You get it, maybe you do have a type.

“That’s so stupid,” you say breathlessly. “And who knew you’re such a sap, Shoko?” You giggle.

She shrugs nonchalantly and surprises you by downing the rest of her drink in one last go. When she’s done she throws her can to the ground and lays back on her bed.

“You tell anyone I’ll tear your closet,” she threatens, making you drink the rest of your drink so you can lay beside her.

“Besides,” she adds and slides her hand over to interlace her fingers with yours. “You're both my friends, and you’re my best friend. We live together, so I see more than you do, more than anyone, and I know that it’s worth fighting for. If it wasn’t, trust me I would tell you.”

Rather than smiling you frown as that fear that always accompanies you makes you think of the worst. “And if it doesn’t work?” You ask as if she actually knew that answer. After all it seems she had loving parents, it’s why she’s giving you this advice. But you? Your parents are the complete opposites from her parents, they never fought for each other, you never saw them being any kind of affectionate. So this doubt creeping inside you isn’t out of the blue, it's a real terrorizing fear you have experienced.

“If it doesn’t work?” Shoko responds and lifts her head to look at the same time you tilt your head down to look at her. “Then you let it go, plain and simple. I’m sure it’ll hurt, but you’ll get over it, plus I’ll be here, your brother is oddly good at comforting you. We’ll all be here.”

You let out a shaky breath and show her your thanks and appreciation by resting your head on her shoulder.

“I’m glad you’re here,” you tell her softly.

Shoko rests her head on yours and sighs softly. “I’m glad you’re here too.”

You rest your eyes and try to stop crying as you do feel some kind of reassurance, but those tears still come out since the wound didn’t actually heal. No matter what resolve you figured out, that doesn’t actually change what happened. Suguru and you still are broken up—

That’s so weird to think about. So weird to say in your mind. It’s…unbelievable, and painful.

But at least you have Shoko.

——

*A COUPLE DAYS LATER*

So much for the hope of it all. So much for more than anything. So much for it all. You tried so hard to date around your brother, you didn’t fight much but you fought against his protests. And just as he was barely getting around to fully accepting it, Suguru ruins it.

Now, you’ll have to live on awkwardly because what’s the point in trying? He broke up with you, he left you, he hurt you. Why should you try to fix things? Why risk getting your heart torn and stomped on again?

“Right?” You ask yourself while you cover the fireball you make with rocks and dirt you summon off the ground with your cursed technique.

You do miss him, and yes, he was rather distant for the past couple of months, but you still had each other. He still made your day complete even if there were days where you’d only see each other for a few minutes. He still listened and helped you when Satoru was busy. Suguru…was always there, and now even if you live in the same place he’s never with you.

It’s so fucking lonely. It’s so weird. Plus at night it’s even worse, you didn’t sleep together a lot because you’d get in trouble, but you’d sleep with his shirts or his sweaters and you’d be content with his scent that clung onto it. Now it’s just a cruel reminder that he broke your heart.

So it begs the question, should you fight?

Part of you wants to more than anything, but the other part is filled with anger, and fear that he won’t want to fight with you, that he’ll reject you. And yes, you know that if you don’t ask him you’ll never know, but telling him you loved him took so much time because of your stupid fear—or anxiety as Shoko likes to call it (you don’t believe that.) So now telling him to fight for another chance with you will only take even more time to express.

Fuck. Fuck…

You sigh and drop your head, realizing you’re still holding the dirt covered fireball without concentrating it.

At least that’s a plus. But regardless, you’ll keep torturing yourself by overthinking rather than going for it…

As of now though, you let the dirt fall and collect the fire back through your dragon mark before you stand up and exhale deeply.

No more thinking of Suguru. No more thinking of the anger you feel over this breakup. No more thinking of the building up stress you feel over an upcoming mission that you’ll have to travel far for.

Just focus on calming your breaths, on your leg as you slide it forward while you move the other one back. You focus on one arm as you stretch it out to use your cursed technique, and summon some water over to you to cover your arm in its wet body. You use your other hand to tap into your fire and have that begin to twirl around your body, along with the water you move off your arm.

You proceed to take another deep breath and listen for the wind. When you hear it howl by your ear you smile as it seems that it’s calling out to you specifically. You then easily gather some of it and make it twirl around your body along with the fire and water.

Now all that's left is earth, but that’s harder, rougher, and heavier than rest to manipulate, so you save it for later. Instead, you shift to different forms with a peaceful mindset, ending up balancing on the ground with one hand.

Once you're confident with your form you then try to pick some dirt off the ground to have it dance with the rest of the elements around your body, but it’s fucking hard. You can mix your cursed energy well with the dirt and the rocks, so it begins to falter as you lift it off the ground. It makes you lose focus on your calm breaths. And the strain to keep it up makes you open your eyes and causes your body to begin losing balance.

“Hey! Don’t think too much about it!” Someone you don’t recognize yells out, causing you to lose concentration and collapse on the ground.

“Sorry!” They yell out.

That’s so embarrassing. Tsk.

You slowly push yourself to your feet and dust the dirt off you first before you look up and see an impressively tall blond woman with the kindest brown eyes you’ve ever seen.

“It’s nice to finally meet you, Y/N Gojo!” She exclaims with a smug smile when she reaches you by the pond.

Albeit you step back and look at her with confusion. “Uh, pleasure I'm sure, but who are you?” You quirk a brow and study her to check if it’s someone you’ve actually seen before. But no, she isn’t.

“Oh,” she breathes out with disappointment. “I’m Yuki Tsukumo.”

Your eyes widen with awe and a smile breaks on your face. You see her part her lips to add on but you cut her off excitedly, like a fan girl seeing their idol. “Oh my gosh, you’re her!”

Tsukumo’s lips pull to a wide smile and she grows smug again. “Oh, I like the sound of that,” she interjects.

You grin. “You’re the sorcerer who’s always out and defies the higher ups, it’s so cool to finally meet you. I’m a big fan.”

Tsukumo rests her hand on her hip and tilts her head down as she flashes you a sweet grin. “That’s so nice to hear. I didn’t know I was so well known amongst one of the Gojo’s. I’m flattered.”

You scoff. “You’re acting as if I’m royalty,” you quip.

“Well,” she sighs. “You kinda are.”

You roll your eyes and shake your head. “Far from it.” You step forward and continue to look at her with awe. “I need to ask…how did you do it?”

Tsukumo straightens out and looks at you with a confused look. “Do what?” She probes.

Your smile falters and a sigh escapes your lips. “Get strong,” you clarify. “I mean how did you do it all by yourself? You don’t come from one of the big three. I mean I know you came to school, but your reputation? You’re overall poweress? You did that all by yourself, so how? I have the privilege to be born a Gojo, to have a strong brother teaching me, but no matter what I do I continue to struggle.”

Tsukumo's smile turns soft, and her gaze falls on the ground for a moment before she lifts her eyes to meet your gaze with a soft look. “Little by little,” she shares, “I didn’t get strong overnight, I learned and learned. I exhausted myself, but I pushed myself to learn. I for sure as hell didn't listen to any of the old geezers who kept trying to make me hold back.”

You smile softly at that comment.

“But,” she exhales slowly and smirks at you. “I didn’t listen to my head, I trusted myself. I didn't get strong for anyone. I get strong for me. That’s the trick.”

You admire her for a moment before you smile at the ground and nod in comprehension. “I understand, thank you,” you mumble.

“You can be strong and still be a woman, don’t let anyone tell you otherwise,” she adds. “A lot of people, those old geezers included, only look at you one way. Not both. Prove them wrong every step of the way.”

You chuckle softly. “Oh, trust me I know.” You meet her gaze and shoot her a smirk. “Fuck the higher ups.”

Tsukumo grins. “That’s what I’m talking about! I like you!” She throws her fist out, so you gently tap it with your fist and cause her to shoot you wink that gets you all flustered.

“Hey, we should hang out,” she adds. “We’re both special grade and women at that, we’re a rare pair. So we should get to be friends, don’t you think?”

This is like a dream. This is so cool!

But you need to play it cool. Play it cool.

“Yeah I think so,” you hide your excitement. “That would be cool.”

Tsukumo hums softly before she whips her phone out and offers it to you, making you do the same to trade contacts.

“Anyway,” you bring up as you type in your number. “What brings you around here? Are you picking up a mission?”

“No,” she says. “I came back from a trip so I wanted to meet you and the other special grades.”

You hum before you add in, “well Satoru is on a mission, but,” you pause and exhale slowly. “Geto is here. Somewhere.”

This is the longest you’ve gone without thinking about him. It sounds pathetic but its true. And weird.

“I can…find out where he is so you can meet him,” you suggest hesitantly whilst you return your phones to each other.

“Yeah, that would be great, thank you!”

You hum quietly and look at your phone to go and click on his contact.

It’s been a while since you texted him—will he even answer?

You to Suguru: Where are you?

Your heart begins to race as you grow nervous.

“So,” you interject while you wait. “If you don’t mind me asking, Tsukumo, where were you before returning home?”

“Yuki,” she cuts in bluntly. “You don’t have to be formal with me, call me Yuki.”

You smile softly and nod. “Yuki,” you correct yourself. “Where were you before?”

“I was in Singapore.”

Your eyes widen and you can’t help but grin. “Really?” You probe. “I love Singapore.”

Yuki shows off a grin and nods slowly. “It’s beautiful, and the nightlife is great!”

You part your lips to fangirl over her but a message comes in so you keep quiet and feel your heart jump. When you check you inhale deeply.

Suguru: Hall B, why?

You exhale and leave him on read to offer Yuki a feigned and nervous smile. “Geto answered, I can take you to him.”

Without hesitation or wasting more time you walk her to where Suguru is. You’d prefer not to see him at the moment, it just won’t make things any easier, but…you also miss him. So this is just a small excuse.

“Hey,” Yuki interjects. “About your previous question about strength, does your brother train you?”

You sigh and shrug. “He does but he’s busy a lot now so not as much anymore. I have other friends who help me though, and school of course. But that’s about it.”

She hums and stays quiet for a moment. Once you reach Hall B, she stops before you can walk inside, making you stop along with her.

“In here,” you point to the door.

“Look,” she changes the subject. “I don’t stay in one place long, I like to travel, and I know that it’s not ideal for a lot of people. But if it’s something you’re okay with, then you should consider letting me help you.”

You blink in disbelief and can’t think of what to say through that shock that begins to grow.

“It can be once you’re out of school, or if you decide that being here isn’t for you then you can come along and I’ll help you train,” she adds and doesn’t help ease you whatsoever. “Whatever you decide, I want to help you. We girls have to stick together, especially us because we’re a rare pair.” She smirks.

“Yeah, I agree,” you muse. “Just,” you pause and think about your brother and your friends, they’re all here. Whatever happens with Suguru won’t change the fact that you like living with your friends and your brother.

But you also want to get strong for yourself, for your dream of helping other sorcerers, for those friends you cherish so deeply. So that’s where you get stuck, you can go with her, let her train you, and get strong a lot quicker. Or you can stay here with everyone and gain your strength a lot slower. Hm.

“…just give me time to decide,” you tell her. “I’m honored by your offer though. I really appreciate it.”

Yuki grins. “Don’t sweat it, the offer will be open for you. Until then we can still get to know each other.”

You sigh with relief and nod softly. “Yeah I like the sound of that. Thank you again.”

With nothing else to add you continue to walk inside the building. And now your shock gets replaced with that nervousness all over again. You almost want to run away before you can lay your eyes on him, but that’d be immature. After all you do live with him which means you can’t hide from him forever. So now is better than later….

You repeat that to yourself as you approach the corridor. It’s all going to be fine, you assure yourself—no, you’re gonna be sick.

You lead the way past the vending machines and the first person you lay your eyes on is him. Your breath hitches as if this is the first time you’re seeing him. Your heart pounds faster as his dark eyes find your gaze. Your eyes widen slightly with awe as you see that his hair is down. And even through all the hurt he made you feel, relief is all you feel wash over you.

Does he feel it too? He sits up and you notice his Adam’s apple lift up before it slides down.

“Y/N!” Someone else exclaims.

You break from your stupor to notice that Haibara is next to Suguru. You didn't take note of that before.

“Hey Haibara!” You greet as if you hadn’t just seen the guy a couple hours ago.

“Is everything okay?” Suguru’s voice surprises you, causing you to look back at him with that surprise expressed on your face.

He’s acting as if nothing happened while you’re slowly dying inside, how is he so good at that?

Regardless, before you can answer, Yuki finally enters the corridor and steals the attention of both guys, letting you notice that Suguru’s eyebags have only deepened.

“Are you Geto?” Yuki interjects boldly. “What kind of woman is your type?”

What kind of question is that?

You can’t decide if it’s cool or weird upon a first interaction.

“Who are you?” Suguru avoids the question, leading you to wonder if he’ll actually answer it. He is single now so his answer may vary.

“I like girls who eat a lot!” Haibara exclaims, causing you to snap your eyes to him, and giggle.

“Oh?” Yuki probes, whilst Suguru scolds him softly.

“Haibara.”

“It’s okay,” said man brushes Suguru off. “She’s not a bad person. I’m a great judge of character!”

You smile wider at your friends comment.

“You say that while sitting next to me?” Suguru interjects, causing your smile to fall right away, and your concern to grow.

What does he mean by that?

“Yes!” Haibara agrees without hesitation.

Yuki laughs. “He was being sarcastic, you know,” she tells Haibara, but you know she’s wrong, you can see it in the way Suguru’s averting his gaze. So what does he mean? Why can’t he talk to you?

You want to know, you need to know. So that’s what you’ve decided, you’ll talk to him. You have to, if not for your relationship, then just for him. He looks like he’s in pain and you can’t just sit by and wait for him to come to you. You’ll just wait until after you come back from your mission.

You’d do it now, but Yuki did say she wanted to know him, so your talk will have to wait.

“Anway,” you interject and look at Yuki. “I’m off now, it was nice to finally meet you.”

Yuki pouts. “You’re leaving already? I thought we could hang out together a bit longer.”

You briefly glance at Suguru, and he looks at you, so you look away and then respond to her. “I’d love to but I am going on a mission far from here tomorrow, so I need to finish some work before I leave, or else my teacher will have my head.” You giggle. “But hey, when I come back and you’re still around we should go out to lunch or something, hm? I would love to know more about your trips.”

Yuki nods. “Absolutely! And think about my offer, I don’t give them to everyone.”

You flash her a smile and nod. “I will!” You look away from her and look at your friend. “Haibara you want to come help me with my work?”

Your friend pushes himself off his seat right away and nods. “Sure! But I won’t do it for you.”

You pout and watch him meet up with you. “That’s so mean,” you whine and throw your arm around him. “Not even a little?”

“Nope.”

You groan and roll your eyes. “Boo,” you whisper before you look over at Yuki and flash her an excited smile. “Bye Yuki!”

“Bye Y/N!” She gives you the same excited energy.

You lastly glance at Suguru and see that he was already looking at you, so you quickly avert your gaze and pull Haibara away with you.

“Excuse us!” Haibara exclaims as he pulls back to take one last glance at both Suguru and Yuki, making your hand slide off his shoulders.

Silence then follows and once your friend catches up to you down the hall, he immediately finds the chance to question your fading smile.

“Are you okay? You look upset—or actually you’ve looked upset for the past couple days, is everything okay?”

He knows you well, but you don’t want him or anyone else to know about Suguru and you breaking up yet. You do want to work things out so telling everyone, (escpaully Satoru) will create unnecessary tension you don’t need. So you’ll keep quiet for now and hide your anguish.

“I’m fine. Just…tired is all.”

Haibara opens the door for you, letting you walk out under the cloudy sky. “Are you okay?” You redirect while you spin on your heels to look at him.

Your friend nods. “Yep, just getting mentally prepared for tomorrow.”

You hum and sigh dramatically. “Yeah, that’s a real pain in the ass. But hey, after the mission, Nanami did promise that he’ll come with me to the shops, so I’m excited for that!”

“Really? Great, I'll come with!” He interjects.

You scoff softly, and happily hook your arm around his. “I didn’t expect it any other way,” you say with a growing smile.

——

*2 DAYS LATER*

Suguru: Be careful

Even if it’s just through text those words have been ringing inside your head since he sent it.

You hate it for one, he just sends you the message as if nothing, without even talking anything out first, it makes you mad. But two, you appreciate that he thought of you, it makes your heart flutter. Yet, third, you’ve been stuck between answering back or not. Should you be petty and not answer, or be nice and write back something super simple?

Something that can lead to ‘hey let’s talk when I get back.’—no. Not now. You should concentrate on the mission in hand. But…

No! No, you cant.

Actually he shouldn’t be sending you these messages. It’s so hard on your overthinking mind.

“Should we put a curtain?” You ask as you put your phone away.

“I doubt we’ll step outside,” Nanami says. “But let’s do it just in case.”

You both turn to look at Haibara, and he sighs before he steps forward and raises two fingers. “Emerge from darkness, blacker than darkness,” he chants. “Purify that which is impure.”

Within seconds the cloudy sky is covered by a black growing veil that drops over the property you were sent to, adding ominsity to a rather easy mission; exorcizing a second-grade curse.

“If you want, y/n, you can go in alone, we'll wait for you here,” Nanami remarks as you walk past an arch.

You roll your eyes. “It doesn’t work like that Nanami. Special grade—”

“Means you have the power to take over countries,” he cuts you off. “That’s what you are, and it’s what you have the possibility of doing.”

You scoff. “Sure, it’s a possibility, but I can’t do that now, you know that,” you argue the same old fight. “I need to work to get myself strong. I…” you pause and hum in disappointment. “I’m not strong like that yet. I'm working to it.” You fist your hands eagerly and then look back at him with a smirk. “And when I am, don't start missing me, Nanamin.”

Said guy rolls his eyes, making you smile at him.

“Don’t worry y/n,” Haibara cuts in, drifting your eyes over to him. “Take your time, we like having you come with us. We’re a team after all! We work great together and Nanami knows it, he’s just giving you a hard time.”

You chuckle and walk back to fall beside Nanami and pat his shoulder. “Oh, I know. It’s all tough love.”

As you reach the entrance of the red-roof building you let Nanami go and frown. “Sense that?” You ask and come to a stop with them before you can climb up the red stairs.

“It’s not even trying to hide,” Haibara points out.

You crack your knuckles and let out a deep breath, while Nanami pulls his blade out, and Haibara rolls his shoulders back.

“It should be easy,” you try to assure them and yourself. “We go in as practiced.”

Nanami nods stiffly, and you let out one more deep breath before you take a step on a red stair and begin ascending them. When you’re on the porch, both guys hide behind the wall, while you open the door and slowly creep inside the softly lit parlor room.

Right away you notice the curse you’re after; it’s tall, built like a man with tightly toned muscles, but green and twisted. It notices you right away and turns around, showing off its one eye on its face, and the snake like tongue that it sticks out at you.

It’s gives you the creeps, but you ignore it and lift your chin to show it a smirk and show it that you’re not afraid.

You don’t think it actually senses that, nor do you think it has any emotions besides the instinct to cause terror, but almost as if you did hurt its ego, the curse wails out before it charges at you.

You don’t move though, you confidently stay where you are, and just before it can even reach you, Nanami and Haibara come out of hiding and run at it too. And since the curse is tall, you manipulate the air from outside to come to your hands, and then push it towards Nanami. And without the need to say a word, just like you have done dozens of times before, you use the air to give him a boast.

Nanami uses the boast to his advantage and flips in the air. The curse looks up and twists around to follow Nanami, it tries to reach out for him with its long arms, but Nanami swings his blade while in the air and manages to cut one of its arms off with a single swing. When he’s falling back down, he manages to kick the curse towards Haibara before he lands swiftly on the floor.

And since the curse is stronger it’s harder to take down, you need to use a lot more strength and power. So when Haibara punches its eye out with his cursed energy, the curse still stands up and comes stumbling towards you.

Now depending on the curse, you can land the finishing blow, but you see and sense this one is more durable. Thus you tap into your dragon mark wrapped around your arm and make flames bask your entire arm, causing your growing smirk to be brightened by your flame's hue.

The curse wails loudly at you, but you don’t flinch, instead you manipulate the air that lays outside on the courtyard behind the curse, and have it burst through the doors to shove the curse towards you. You then lunge forward as you pull back your fist covered in flames, and smash it through the curses gut so hard your fist burns through the other side.

Yet it still doesn’t get exorcized. The curse falls on its knees and bleeds out from its wound.

“You really are annoying,” you grumble before you raise your foot, and use the air to kick out a mighty blast that sends the curse flying out to the courtyard.

“Let’s end this,” you tell your friends coldy.

Haibara and Nanami both nod before the three of you walk out to the back porch. The curse finds strength to stand up so that motivates the three of you to continue on stronger.

So as Nanami runs to the curse head-on, Haibara jumps off the porch's railing and runs to its side. You step off the porch and watch as Nanami slides down and slices the curses legs off with his cursed technique, while Haibara hops on the curses arm to rip it out of its body, giving you your cue.

And so forth before the curse can continue to irritate you, you pull gusts of air to your palms and form it into a long and thin curved line. You then proceed to lash it out, and manage to cut the curses head clean off.

“Finally,” you pant and drop your shoulders as you let out an exhausted sigh. “Good job guys!”

“Right back at you, y/n,” Haibara redirects, making you smile at him softly.

“Uh, I hate to burst your bubbles but the veil hasn’t come down,” Nanami points out.

You snap your eyes up and see that the black veil still in fact remains intact. Is there another curse here?

Nevertheless, before you can ask your question out loud you hear thumping. When you look down you see the curse begin to convulse violently.

“Uh,” you breathe out in horror and step back.

The curse then suddenly stops, making you squint your eyes on the curse to wait with a racing heart. You then lift your head and at that moment see the curse regrow its limbs, including its head. Its already toned body grows larger, and with more muscles as if it had just pumped itself with fucking steroids. Two arms then grow to four, and from one neck grows out two more heads longer than the original.

This isn’t a second-grade curse, but it’s also something you can't run from, you’ll have to fight your own fear and give it your all.

“We got this,” Haibara uses words of encouragement.

You clench your fists and nod stiffly, whilst you also begin to feel regret for not texting Suguru back. After all, this has turned for the worst, what if you don’t make it out? And the last thing you told him was…a bunch of sputter.

You want to talk to him again, you do. You want to tell him you miss him, that he’s worth walking through fire for, that he’s enough for you. But most of all you want to tell him that you love him more than anything in this cursed world.

So to whatever divine being that is up there don’t let this be the end. Please.

“I’ll get rid of the arms,” Nanami says. “Haibara try and get his legs so y/n can try and exorize it.”

You nervously swallow back but nod in understanding, but you also look over at Nanami and can’t help your worry. He sees that and drops the hardened expression to offer you a soft smile to try and assure you.

You draw in a deep shaky breath and mirror his smile before you look ahead. Now before any more time can be wasted you summon air and blast out, Nanami sprints over and jumps, letting you use that same air to boast him.

You then follow by growing a raging fireball and throw it at the curse, causing it to shift back. Haibara uses this slight distraction and charges it, whilst Nanami flips down and tries to swing his blade.

However, this time the curse is more prepared, it twirls around and swerves Haibara's attack before it proceeds to swat Nanami away as if he were nothing but a fly.

“Nanami!” You cry out while his body slams into the wall behind him and goes unconscious.

The curse turns back around and wails out at Haibara and you, but you don’t cower, you dig your heels in the ground and glower at it.

“Cursed technique,” you seeth. “Fire dragon.”

The dragon mark on your arm begins to glow brightly, whilst the veins on your other arm begins to glow with the flames that travel down to your palms. Your hands then glow from the fires light before you throw your arms out and blast large flames from your palms. The fire quickly takes form into a large fire-made dragon that flies towards the curse.

This time your fire-made dragon is much larger than last years. Now it contains a lot more power.

Alas, just as you think you see the fire-made dragon grab the curse with its jaw, the fire-made dragon crashes through the wall, and what you see before you now are two curses in front of a building that begins to feed the fire that the fire-made dragon left behind.

Two bodies now join the fight. They’re the same build, they have the same green skin, but now both bodies just have two arms. One body even has two heads, while the other only contains one.

It split itself into two.

“Haibara!” You bellow and don’t take your eyes off the curse with the one head watching you, waiting to attack. “Get Nanami!”

You only catch a glimpse of Haibara running and the second curse running after him, so you try to blast fire out at it to try and distract it, but the curse that had been watching you like you were it’s meal, catches you off guard and slaps you down to your knees.

You quickly try to counter but it lunges at you to grab you by the throat and pick you off the ground with its strength.

You can’t let that stop you though, so you try to blast air at it by kicking your foot, but the curse hurls you back towards the parlor room.

When you hit the floor you yell out because of the pain, but you also try to quickly get up so you can counter. However, the curse is fast and catches up to you right away. It doesn’t let you catch your breath before it kicks you to your back and begins throwing punches over and over again on your face.

You try to move your arms to hurl air or fire, but each punch is like getting stabbed by sharp needles so the pain is agonizing and paralyzing.

It’s not the same as before, either because it was holding back or because it got stronger when its head got cut off, like the monster from Greek Mythology, The Hydra. Which would make sense with this curse being born from the Ubusunagami faith. One head falls and multiple are born in its place.

But why wasn’t this identified before? Why weren’t they more careful? This is a grade 1 case, you might be special grade but that’s only because no one knows how dangerous your technique can be, they based you off possibilities, if it wasn’t because of that you’d be a grade 2 just like the others. And they know that too, so why? Why weren’t they more careful?

Now you can’t even lift a finger, all your mind is filled with is pain. You try to think of some strategy to get out, to outsmart the curse, but you can’t even move. Every hit brings you closer to an eerie darkness.

Until there’s a voice.

“Y/N? Are you okay?”

It’s your brother's voice from a memory of the day you got the scar on your torso. You were only a little girl who was scared of many things, he had been gone all day because your parents wanted him away from you, so when he came back the trauma was already engraved and the scar was already stitched.

He came after the fact, but he was such a relief to see. He was a light in the sea of darkness.

“It hurts,” you complain with fresh tears in your eyes.

“I know,” he whispers. “I'm sorry.” He sighs and turns around to give you his back and crouch.

“Come,” he says. “I'll help you get to your room.”

Satoru was told many times not to spoil you the way he does, ‘it’ll only make her weaker.’ they’d say, but he never listened and they never corrected him because of who he was.

“We can watch a movie and give you something for the pain.” He adds.

You wipe your tears away and stand up to step towards him, but you stop and bring up your concern. “But mother said no.”

Satoru peers back and confidently counters. “I don’t care. Now come on, get on my back.”

You smile softly and don’t think twice about accepting his offer now. You get on his back and wrap your arms around his neck before you rest your head on his shoulder, and let him give you a piggyback ride to your room.

Now you don’t know why that certain memory came to mind, there are so many other ones where he was that light in the sea of darkness, so why this one? It's only a reminder of the pain your family made you endure.

So why now as this curse is beating you to a bloody pulp?

Why? You ask yourself as the curse hits you again and strikes your body with more pain.

Why?

But then, in that brief moment where it’s fist is off your face you know why, because you see a vision of brother appearing through the darkness. Not Suguru, not Shoko, or your other friends, but your brother. He’s the sudden burst of energy you need to regain your consciousness and find that strength to pull your leg back and direct a cluster of your cursed energy and fire to your foot.

The curse hits you again, but you don’t falter, you counter by kicking your foot out and blasting fire at it from your foot.

The curse gets flung back, but it doesn’t go far, instead it falls under the doorframe. You still get up though and fist your hands whilst you shift your feet into a fighting stance. The curse gets back up and immediately wails out at you.

“Fuck you,” you grimace and run at it with your arm getting basked in flames. Before you reach it you jump up to swing your fist down at its face, but the curse isn’t weakened by injuries like your bruised and blood-covered face, it’s stronger and manages to throw its arm out and capture you by your throat.

You try to kick, but the lack of air running to your lungs immobilizes you. All you can think about now is wanting to breathe. All that there is is fading consciousness until you hear a scream coming from the courtyard.

Nanami was unconscious, he could have woken up but it’s unlikely, so the person screaming was Haibara. He’s in trouble. He needs help!

As if hit with another burst of energy, you manage to slap your hands on the side of the curses head and instantly blast fire out of your palms,

The curse wails as the flames burst through its flesh and begin burning it from the inside out. It lets you go to try and escape, but you wrap your legs around it and dig your fingers in its head while you blast more fire in its head.

You cry out of anger and the curse stumbles back, it claws at you, but you use more of your cursed technique until the curse finally explodes and dies, causing you to fall on your ass and finally gasp for more air while you push yourself to your feet.

Haibara doesn’t scream again, but you still run out to the courtyard. And immediately as you do you see the curse holding Haibara several feet over the ground by his head. You gasp in horror as you see Haibara’s entrails hanging out of a long and deep gash.

“Haibara!” You cry out louder than you thought possible.

The curse snaps his head towards you, and you quickly lift your hands off your sides and begin gathering air into a orb in between your palms.

“Cursed technique,” your grimace with tears already forming in your eyes. “Air manipulation, lashing wind!”

You proceed to throw the orb made of air out. And while it’s flying towards the curse you form it into a curved line that slashes both of the curses heads off the moment it cuts through, causing it to let go of Haibara.

Before your friend can hit the ground you sprint over and manage to catch him in your arms. However, he’s heavy so when you catch him you collapse to the ground with him.

“It’s okay,” you mutter shakily. “It’s okay,” you assure him even as his eyes are rolled back. “You’ll be okay, Haibara.”

You don’t see his chest move anymore, and his blood is spilling out of his gash and staining your body, but you still refuse the truth and carefully put him down. You then rip the white skirt off your waist and carefully wrap it around his bleeding wound.

“It’s okay,” you tell him again. “You’ll feel a little bit of pressure, but Shoko and that first aid class told us to do this, remember?”

Haibara remains unresponsive, but you continue to tighten the white skirt over his wound so it could stop bleeding.

“You’ll be okay,” you whisper and look at his face. “Haibara? I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Just please hold on a while longer okay? I…I can call Shoko, she’ll know what to do.” You pull your phone out and desperately find your friends contact. As it rings you look back and see the curse is beginning to shake like last time.

“Shit, shit,” you grumble.

The phone rings a couple more times before you get sent to voicemail. “Damn it!” you exclaim.

You peer back and see that the curse grows four heads now and grows taller, bigger.

“I—I’ll call Suguru, he’ll know where she is,” you tell Haibara as he continues to lay still.

This time when you call Suguru, the phone rings only a few times before he thankfully answers. “Hello?”

You sigh shakily with relief, “Suguru.��

“Y/N, what's wrong?” He asks the moment he hears your shaky voice.

You look at your friend and hold your phone to your ear with your shoulder as you press your hands on Haibara's wound to help the bleeding stop.

“Suguru, where’s Shoko? She doesn’t answer her phone, I need her help, please.” You say quickly.

“Shoko isn’t home,” Suguru says. “What's wrong y/n, are you okay?”

You groan and look back to see Nanami up now and trying to distract the curse.

“It’s Haibara,” you say shakily. “I-I don’t know what to do, I’m trying to stop the bleeding, but the gash won’t stop bleeding. And he—Suguru…he’s not breathing. I need Shoko, please, I need her.”

“Y/N,” Suguru mutters through the phone. “Haibara’s gone. I need you and Nanami to get out of there—”

It’s not the solution you want so you hang up the phone and shove it back in your pocket to focus back on your friend and begin CPR.

“Come on, come on, COME ON!” You yell out in desperation.

Your attempts are futile though, he doesn’t wake up, he doesn’t gasp for air, he continues to lay still, adding to your anguish.

“Nanami!” You call out. “I need help! Please come help me…someone please help me…” you trail off and pick up Haibara again to cradle him in your arms. Your phone begins to ring but you ignore it and put all your attention on Haibara.

“You have to fight, okay? We still have so much to live for, and you—you have to become a teacher just like you wanted,” you tell him as you hear wailing in the back. “We have to graduate next year and do so much more, please Haibara. Please.”

“Y/N?”

You look up and see Nanami panting in front of you.

“Nanami—”

He cuts you off and grabs your arm to try and pull you off the ground. “We have to go!” He bellows out at you while his eyes are on Haibara’s body.

“No,” you argue and shove his arm back. “I’m not leaving him behind!”

Nanami glances past you before he crouches down and grabs your arm. “Y/N, Haibara is…” he pauses and lets out a shaky breath before he finishes breaking the truth to you. “He's gone. We have to go or we’ll die next.”

You look down at Haibara and finally notice how lifeless he looks, you finally notice how fatally deep his wound is. And as if slammed by a rough wave, you finally grasp the truth and feel a deep agonizing pain clench around your chest to the point you can’t breathe. You can’t think, or cry, all that there is, is the cruel truth and pain.

The phone's incessant ringing doesn’t tune in, Nanami’s desperate pleas to leave don’t register. Nothing snaps you from that stupor but the sudden wail of the damned curse.

Anger then follows after that sound, a raging anger that only tightens that grip around your chest. No matter how much you want to let it go and leave, you can’t, it doesn’t feel right or like it will let you breathe, so you put Haibara down and twist around as you remain on your knees.

“Y/N,” Nanami warns as the curse begins to storm over.

You ignore him though and narrow your glare in the curse. The ground then begins to shake beneath you as you focus on doing something new and without thinking. Cracks grow on the ground, and you lean down to press your palms on the surface.

The curse jumps off it’s feet and tries to tackle you, but in that moment you let out all the emotions that had been plaguing you, and finally breathe.

All your life you’ve been taught to control your emotions to work with your cursed energy, but you’ve never felt more in control over your emotions than at this very moment after Haibara’s death triggered something off inside you. Something so monumental that lets you blast out a tidal wave of fire from the cracks on the ground to slam the curse back.

Up until this moment, you’ve never felt that rush of excitement from a fight, Satoru always talks about it, but it’s something you could never relate to. The only excitement you felt was last year, but that was met with regret, and you never felt it again because missions and fights were always such a burden or terrifying, but right now? As you use Yuki’s advice about not giving it too much thought, all you feel is excitement. And it grows as you use your cursed technique to lift pieces of the earth around you to blast it out at the curse and everything that stood around you, like a second wave. Leaving nothing left standing, but dust. And proving Nanami right.

Now you would have taken this time to leave, but Nanami doesn’t even attempt to move after what he saw. You can’t move after you realize what you did.

That rush of power was new, that technique was new. All born from a change inside you that Haibara’s death brought.

Yet you know that it’s a power you haven’t fully tapped into, it was only a taste. But that’s enough to cause your eyes to flicker between the familiar color of your eyes, to a deep red color that Nanami notices when you turn back around to face him and Haibara’s body.

“It’s over,” Nanami says through heavy breaths.

You hum softly in agreement, and then gently wipe your fingers down Haibara’s face to close his eyes.

“It can be once you’re out of school, or if you decide that being here isn’t for you, then you can come along and I’ll help you train. Whatever you decide, I want to help you…”

You were unsure before about accepting Yuki’s offer and leaving, but after this happened. After you tapped into some depths of your power you didn’t know you had, your mind finally comes to a conclusion.

A/N- Will Suguru and you work things out? Are you really going to accept Yuki’s offer? Ahh! We have to wait for the next chapter to know.

Tagged- @deniseabad1928

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dutifullynuttywitch · 3 months

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Starlit night

Wake the Dead

Art by the wonderful @lilyoffandoms

Pairing: Troy Hassan x Eva Archer (f!mc)

Rating: Teen (fluff)

@choicesjanuary2024 prompt: Aurora (day 8)

Word count: 1,187

Summary: Several years before the events in Wake the Dead, Troy surprises Eva with a late-night outing within the confines of the Tower.

A/N: In this story Eva is 17, in her last year at school. Troy is about 2 years older and just recently started working at the supply depot.

Eva tosses and turns around on her lumpy mattress, sleep elusive. She had gotten expelled. Again. Gotten into a fight with her sister over it. Again.

“Eva, for crying out loud, it’s the second time this month! You have got to be more careful. You know how things are here.”

“But Brynn, I don’t get why we can’t even talk about how things were, before. Maybe if we knew more, we could make this place a bit better for everyone.”

Brynn sighs “I know you mean well, lil sis, but the leaders of the Tower are clear about the rules, whether we agree with them or not. And trust me, we don’t want to get kicked out into the wilderness.”

She sighs, trying to will herself to sleep. Maybe she should hold her tongue more, but it infuriates her that the Tower leaders only care about teaching them the basics for survival – any form of critical thinking frowned upon, worse, punished.

Toc. Toc.

A knock on the door shakes her from her reverie. She opens a crack to find a grinning Troy.

“What the hell, Troy? It’s the middle of the night!” She whispers, glancing back to make sure Brynn hasn’t stirred.

“You don’t say! Come on, I have something to show you. You’re gonna like it.” He winks.

“I’m in enough trouble as it is. Can’t it wait until tomorrow?”

“Afraid not, it’s kind of a middle of the night thing.” He grins wider. “And, we’ve gotta go now if we don’t want to get caught. So, what’dya say, Archer, up for a little adventure?”

She frowns at him, but her curiosity is piqued.

“Wait a sec.”

She shuts the door on his pleased face and quickly pulls on a sweater, sweatpants and boots. She grabs a flashlight and sneaks out into the dark hallway, glancing one last time at Brynn’s sleeping form.

She’s so gonna kill me.

As soon as she shuts the door, Troy takes her hand, leading them down several service hallways then up a series of rickety fire exit stairs. They duck into the shadows a few times to avoid patrolling guards.

“So where exactly are you taking me?” She whispers as they continue to climb ever higher.

“It’s a surprise.”

“Troy.”

“We’re almost there!” He winks.

Sure enough, a few minutes later he stops them in front of a steel door high up one of the Tower’s outer walls. He pulls out a key from his pocket and unlocks, pushing it open with a flourish.

They enter a small room stacked with dusty cases filled with weapons, munitions and other military equipment. At the far end, a small balcony overlooks the forest surrounding the Tower.

“Troy, what is this place?”

“An ammunitions depot. They have a bunch of these scattered around the tower to defend against drones. And in case of security breaches from inside the tower, I wager… Only Blackstock’s most loyal have access keys.”

“Look at you, the ultimate insider!” Eva smirks at her friend, punching him lightly on the shoulder.

“Nah, I just know people who know people. The surprise is over here. Come, take a look.” Troy leads her towards the exposed balcony.

She gasps as she takes in the scene.

The balcony is perched high above the ground, providing a bird’s eye view of the hills and valleys surrounding the Tower.

She looks out at the snow-covered mountains and valleys. Millions of twinkling stars lighting the night.

Her breath catches as she notices bright shimmering lights in hues of green, blue and purple, dancing across the sky.

“It’s beautiful.” She whispers, stunned.

“Yeah. They call them northern lights. I read about them in some magazine. I was telling Sam and the guys about them, and she told me she’d seen these strange lights while out patrolling the past few nights. Convinced her to lend me the key to this place. It’s pretty amazing, I never thought we’d see them so far south.”

“Isn’t Sam that brunette guard you’ve been flirting with?” Eva smirks, teasing. “You charmed her into lending you the keys?”

“What can I say, I’m irresistible.” Troy grins, puffing out his chest.

“If you say so, Hassan.” She smirks.

Eva looks out at the magical scenery, captivated. The aurora dance in the skies in an ethereal, pulsating rhythm, reflected on the white blanket of snow covering the fields and mountains.

She shivers a little as a cold gust buffets their small balcony. Troy pulls out a blanket from his bag. He sits down on the ledge and beckons her over, wrapping them both snuggly.

“You came prepared.”

He shrugs “Figured it’d get cold out here.”

They sit in companionable silence for a while, in awe at the delicate dancing ribbons of light. Relishing in the peace and quiet of the outside world.

“One day, Troy, I’m going to see all this from outside the Tower. There’s got to be something better out there for us...”

“I’m quite alright right here, thank you very much.”

“For someone who spends an inordinate amount of time reading up on old world curio, you’re not even a little interested in seeing and experiencing it for yourself?”

“Oh, believe me, I am. If it weren’t for the flesh eating freaks I’d be long gone… but let’s face it, I’m too good looking to die.” He flashes her one of his trademark grins.

She chuckles, a twinkle in her eyes.

“So, speaking of good looks, why d’ya invite little old me when you could be making out with the lovely Sam?” Eva asks him teasingly.

“First of all, I don’t need any magical dancing lights to up my game with the ladies.”

She scoffs.

“Second, I heard you got expelled. I swear Blackstock’s goons are becoming unbearable. And it’s not just the school. It's harder and harder to get my hands on contraband, they’re really cracking down on everyone.” He sighs. “Anyway, I just figured you could use a friend and some cheering up.”

“Thanks Troy, this is just about the nicest thing someone’s done for me.”

She kisses him on the cheek before laying her head on his shoulder, gazing out to the skies once more.

Troy hopes the darkness hides his blush.

He wraps an arm around Eva, pulling her closer as they both take in the mesmerizing display.

Maybe one day he’ll be brave enough to tell her how he feels.

But tonight, he’s content he was able to brighten her night a little.

#wake the dead #playchoices fanfiction #troy hassan & f!mc #troy hassan #wake the dead reread #playchoices

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blackstarchanx3new · 1 month

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FSR rambles 18 dreams about being gannon

Direct parallels to Gannon/OOT.

Sweet time to mention Shadow can play the piano haha. I have a plan for a comic on HOW he learned but that's a later date type thing.

HERO OF TIME HIIIIIII. 💖 Also Naavi.

He's here to murder shadow. Noice.

Seems like Shadow's just getting haunted by this guy considering his appearance earlier in the comic in page 290 -

Seems like Hero of Time just isn't a fan of him or smth. XDDD

Ouch. That looked like it hurt.

Also hi who are you.

Also considering I know who you are...Why are your eyes Blue buddy? :D

"Aw shit. I got sliced"

"Also I'm younger"

Ah dream logic.

Hi Perry-

I mean uhhh

Totally mysterious purple clad hero.

This is a character from the planned sequel of FSR. and I can't speak much about him. You'd know a decent amount about him if you've seen the FSRA posts.

Also his eyes changed...Again...

When I dream I have nothing but nightmares too shadow. Smh.

Oh Hi Link. Why are you wearing white and black. Basically the reverse of Dark Link's fit? Not weird at aaaaall considering that wasn't what he was wearing before he pulled the sword...

It's been around for awhile NOW but Shadow's hair changing to have a red streak...much like a certain gerudo man we know isn't odd at ALLLLLL.

Also nice Malice eyes Shadow.

Yeah I'm sure the magic demonic 8 ball will have the answers you seek Shadow.

Considering the Gannon flashbacks we just saw...Who's "him" Dark? Because Dark could just as easily be talking about Vaati here. But really it's up in the air on who he meant exactly.

Dark keeping his horns from his vaati convo and it appearing on his human ish form was a fun detail to add.

Random note to think about: Dark had to put himself back in Shadow's hat after sneaking off to vaati's house and that imagery is funny so I'm sharing it with you.

Dark's hair is still vaati colored as well and his behavior is reflecting him still.

Link talking about food and sleeping is just about the most link thing ever so Dark gives absolutely no shits about it.

Haha you should have chosen your words more wisely shadow...

It ALMOST sounds like you don't WANT Link here...which Dark can pick up on pal-

Oh shit. You repeated it you meant it.

Yeah don't shout Link could wake up.

Dark kinda SORTA seems to know what's happening...

But he's using "I think" and uncertain language. (You know he's not sure of smth if he's using phrasing like that hah. Since he's usually so self assured in his assumptions.)

Lol ignore how often my dumbass forgot to keep Shadow's hair right. Mistakes happen. 😅

Hey Shadow, abusing the nutcase isn't gonna get you very far.

Especially because he hates your guts.

Dark's kinda right here tho. Shadow's being selfish as hell rn.

The phrase "Does the word "HERO" just have no meaning to you? You disgust me" specifically gets a chuckle out of me considering who's mouth it's coming out of.

Dark continues to miss identify Shadow as Gannon when he said "you're as old as time" (More of a reference to demise depending on how you look at it but same diff)

Dark sweating visibly showing he's still very much scared of Shadow.

Shadow pulled his head out of his ass for a second and realized Dark's acting weird. (Like Vaati)

Dark's instant snap back is amusing but also sad. Like. Shadow doesn't "know him" not in any meaningful way. But he does yield and admit he was looking at memories for... YEARS in the head space.

Which is just a level of horror beyond comprehension.

Imagine spending YEARS looking at other people's memories just to get yanked out of it randomly by mr root of all evil himself bitching at you about smth you don't even know about, some guy you had a single conversation with YEARS AGO. But oh yeah. It's only been maybe 8 hours in the real world and all perception of time and reality was thrown off and you're being accused of being a different person after all that shit.

To say Dark Link isn't having a fun or good time would be an understatement.

I touched on it in a fic where Link and Dark bang of all places but Dark's existence is an existential nightmare.

Dark Link's EXISTANCE isn't fun for him. He's gonna mention it later too but he's MISSERABLE and vocal about his misery and pain just being alive.

Something weird to think about: Who's memories was he even looking at?

Really from his vague description it could be ANYONE.

I personally like to think it's vaati's considering he still has his hair shifted to be vaati's tone, is acting like vaati and mentions shadow being "Annoying"

though Link and vio are high possibilities too haha.

A mix of all of them aren't off base either.

Identity crisis how fun...Dark struggling to separate himself from the memories he's witnessed is concerning to say the least.

At least he's willing to be helpful with what he thinks is going on.

Really he could have just said "Fuck off figure it out yourself" but he offers to try and explain shit to Shadow from his perspective.

Dark's openness to cooperate despite everything is smth noteworthy.

He has literally no reason to do shit like this (Even if it fails) ESPECIALLY considering his distaste for Shadow. He just does shit that's helpful or nice cause he can.

Just little characterizations that Dark Link is more like Link than you'd first think considering his introduction.

Also OOT reference again with Ganon entering the sacred realm to steal the Triforce of power.

The second Shadow mentions them splitting is a relief, Dark cosplays Vio. XDDDD

Even Shadow thinks that was Vio like haha.

Dark's avoiding Link is the funniest part of this. "Oh shit he's waking up, gotta run. Don't wanna talk to him." XDDD

Don't do it Shadow.

It's a terrible idea.

Last time Link was here he was wanting to off himself so he might not be the most mentally sound individual!

Also who's happy to be woken up...

Dark Link being the voice of reason here about the pros and cons to waking Link up or even listening to him haha.

Considering what happens HAPPENS, that probs would have happened REGUARDLESS of if he was woken up or not. The change really is down to whether or not Shadow would A. Even be around for it. B. Be the one to wake Link up and have that burden on his mind or C. Just let shit happen.

Shadow is putting a ton of pressure on Dark to give answers or be helpful AND CORRECT but like...dude Dark doesn't know, he's guessing too lmfao.

Shadow makes what I consider a very foolish choice which was waking Link up.

Dark held back the explosion aspect but he is here to have fun first so uhhhh...Well he DID say it'd be funny to him and not Shadow.

Shadow defaults to blaming Dark Link "Damn demon" which...Shadow learn some accountability.

Panel by panel breakdown cause stuffs getting jucy:

1- Interesting outfit choice Link. It's the one he wore when he was a bit younger. So he's got a younger mindset when waking up. Which is just sad.

2- his outfit changes to half blue half green with a purple sleeve, his hands are all sorts of wrong and mish mashed with red and purple nails. His eyes also have the wrong color. His body is distorting all over the place...Interesting.

3- Shadow you shouldn't have said anything. The coward's hiding too lmfao he knows he fucked up.

4- Safe to say he's not very happy.

Link's distorting and glitching is based on video game glitches. Which is fun because: LOZ is a video game.

There's something distinctly haunting and uncanny about buggy/glitchy game assets and I wanted to capture it here.

Like the reality of four people being forced into one body is quite horrifying and the idea of them just bugging out unable to process how many thoughts there are is overwhelming. Literally like overloading a computer or gaming system.

There's also something to be said about how he fully breaks after seeing Shadow Link.

This is brought up later so I'll expand upon it later but the fact literally the only words Shadow Link spoke to LINK was "I'm the hero Link" or smth like that is hysterical.

For living together for 7 years: They truly don't know each other well on a personal level considering their ability to communicate was stunted by Shadow being...Well a Shadow. And I wanna explore that more as the series goes on.

1- Lol Green hi thanks for trying to stay calm.

2- Vio's here too. Something tells me calming down isn't working considering your face is cracking more and the tunic is flashing different colors.

3- Shadow I swear to god, shut your mouth-

4- Yeaaaaaah we saw that coming. Ouch looks painful. Good thing that body is magic hahaha.

Link's just not having a good time at all. XD

I think a few people caught this but Link breaking down here was based on the forced gem fusions in SU also the distorted static version of the cartoons from learning with pibby XD

It was good inspo for how horrific this scenario is.

Really all of them are just kinda, shoved in there. Unable to truly escape and they're NOT HAPPY about it.

Blue specifically is trying to get out as we'll know later and we get more context on his thoughts about this ordeal from the Darkblue chapter... But visually you can see Link's got two faces and it remains consistent that that's Blue.

Which, is terrifying.

There's also the underlying horror that the "Why" Link is back in one body isn't truly addressed but we'll get more into that later.

Shadow running for his damn life haha.

I'd be scared too if that mess was crawling at me.

The sad thing is that Link's reaching out for help and Shadow responds by screaming in terror lmfao.

Cause Link seems monstruous at the moment but the reality of the situation is he's very clearly conscious and scared. He's reaching out to the only person he can, which is Shadow.

I think this might be my favorite design of Link in this state. It's just horrific to look at. The eyes bleeding onto both his faces which are cracked like mirrors so you can't tell what he's looking at. He has Vio and Blue's legs sticking out of his back, and entire extra head forcing its way off his main one, it's hard to tell from these but his skin is glitching in both Red and Blue's separate skin tones (Blue's being a bit darker and Red's being lighter)

His tunic is pitch black which, black absorbs all wavelengths of light and reflects none...Literally keeping it trapped haha.

Yeah. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING.

Anyway, Link/Green, Vio and red are all reaching out to shadow but blue is suspiciously absent haha.

Them grabbing onto Shadow is smth Vio would do...

The four sword's lil gem thingy is glitched to shit too. Each colored piece being a different size. Green's is noticeably larger while Blue and Red's are about the same size. Vio's is the smallest.

Shadow's hat is doing that thing Dark does when he's upset where it clings to his body.

Yeah feeling like you can't do anything would be a feeling you fall into frequently being trapped as a shadow.

Take that agency back Shadow it's been robbed from you for too long.

Blue: GET YOUR HANDS OFF ME!!!!

Jokes aside I love this moment. Link getting more stable as he keeps Shadow close to him is sweet.

Link just needed a hug. UwU

Or...Less cute option: Maybe...The triforce of power had something to do with it...

Link/Red crying immediately when Shadow says a single word lmfao.

Link's so pretty I love him. I'm glad he's back a bit.

"Shadow, stop talking." could apply to everything he says to link as of rn. XD

Link's still very much emotionally distressed and I'd be too after THAT SHIT SHOW.

I do think it's funny how Link is wearing black here and Shadow is wearing white. (It's just his usual underclothes without his tunic)

Yes shut up and please just hug him it's clearly what he needs rn Shadow. X'D

Perfect cut off point lmfao.

#fsr rambles #fsr #four swords adventures #four swords returns #four swords manga #four swords #four swords returns au #loz fsr au #loz #shadow link #dark link

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pralinesims · 1 year

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Finally inside the cinema 🍿

Previous | Next

TRANSCRIPT under the cut:

Pic 1: Emilio is nearly imploding from nervosity. Aaron: "I'm not too mad about that we had to skip the snack selection. Their popcorn is ALWAYS stale." Emilio: "Quiet... The movie is about to start."

Pic 2: Emilio is observing his own looks. Aaron: "Whoa, this is YOU? I barely even recognized you."

Pic 3 (Movie): Some minutes into the movie... "Laura": "Why is my box of orange juice empty? ANYONE?"

Pic 4 (Movie): "Charles": "I'm sorry, Laura... I- spilled the orange juice on my shoe."

Pic 5 (Movie): "Laura": "CHARLES, THIS WAS THE LAST STRAW! WHY-"

Pic 6: Aaron: "They paid you for THAT line? It doesn't make any sense!" Emilio: "Damn it, I didn't write the script!" Aaron: "We had to actually come here and waste our time, for THIS horrible movie?" Luca is meanwhile trying to not explode (from annoyance).

Pic 7: Luca: "Get yourself together, the plot is not that bad." Aaron: "if you say so." Vale is squinting.

Pic 8 (Movie): *arguing noises in the background* "Laura": "The world we once knew and loved burned down after the plane crash, and you're wasting our last supplies? Charlie, you disappointed me." "Charles": "Laura, I thought we had, we WERE something special! Please-"

Pic 9: Luca: "pshh, Vale? You should've brought your glasses..." Vale: "I guess it's too late now, I'd rather want some ear plugs." Emilio: "What, you actually need glasses? I've never seen you with them."

Pic 10: Vale: "Well, I-" Aaron: "EXACTLY cause of such comments like yours he's only wearing them at home!" Emilio: "You should do the world a favor and donate him your glasses, so you finally don't have to look at me anymore."

Pic 11: Emilio: "Hey! I KNOW what's up with you this whole evening! YOU'RE JEALOUS!" A woman behind Emilio is whispering "shut up". Aaron: "Seriously, jealous of YOU, grandpa?" Luca: "Can't you two just wait with your little quarrel until later? I'm getting sick of hearing your voices." Vale is regretting every decision in his life.

Pic 12: Luca is breathing slowly. Vale: "Wasn't this supposed to be a regular movie night? They're behaving worse than children." Luca: "Almost 4 years passed, and they're still like this. There's no hope for a supposedly regular movie night." Vale is sighing.

Pic 13: Emilio mutters "only a few minutes left..." to himself.

Luca: "I don't want to hear a single word of yours from your mouth until we're outside. Got it?" Aaron: "Geez, calm down." Aaron is staring blankly at the screen.

To be continued...

#ts4 #s4 #the sims 4 #the sims #sims 4 #sims #simblr #ts4 story #ts4 edits #my sims #my story #emilio #aaron #luca #vale #I PROMISE THEY'RE NOT ALWAYS LIKE THAT #this certain evening just sparked some... tension

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bidisasterevankinard · 8 months

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Wip Wednesday

Tagged by @giddyupbuck <33333 (I can't wait to read your Eddie whump) and @forthewolves (looking disrespectful at your smut) <333333

Secret fic was kind of guessed by my wife @hippolotamus and well I explained it to @thewolvesof1998 and some of you send me to jail so I revel secret.

It's amnesia fic : Eddie loses only one year of his life after head injury on the call, but this year starts exactly some days before lightning so Eddie doesn't remember Buck's death and coma and can't remember he understood his feelings, their confession and plan for first date

here is poor Eric dealing with Eddie's mess (and some angst for Eddie. not only Buck struggle)

Eddie laughs and he thinks it’s nice to talk with Eric. He’s funny and interesting and makes Eddie feel good, and all those feelings from the gym only grow right now in this cafe. Eddie definitely can think about a second date.

“Well, it’s so crazy. I remember once we were with all the team on the TV because Taylor Kelly decided that 118 can make her popular. Well, we kind of did,” Eddie with bitterness remembered his interview was one of the reasons redhead has her time at Channel 8.

“Wait, you’re from 118?” green eyes look at him with with great interest and surprise.

“Yes,” Eddie answers with a little question in his voice cause he can sense how Eric’s interest goes to not him, but something else. Like he expects Eddie to tell him the best gossip of his life.

(more under cut to save dash)

“OMG,” Eric almost jumps in his seat and bends closer to him and asks with excitement, “is it true that the guy who was struck by lightning almost a year ago and died for three minutes came back for work? Like real firefighting. How’s his name mmmm, oh yes, Evan Buckley.”

Eddie feels like it’s him, he was struck by lightning right now. Because it’s not possible he could forget Buck dying. But-but if it was almost a year ago it means it gets into a zone that he still can't remember.

Zone where details of his life that just don't puzzle in the picture in his head. And now he can tell why he feels sick even trying to remember it. Why when he tried hard to concentrate on the dates he felt nauseous.

Buck was dead. Buck was dead for three minutes. "AND SEVENTEEN SECONDS," someone inside his head is screaming it, someone whose voice is so similar to his own. But his voice screams with such pain that Eddie has never heard. Unless only when shouting towards the sunsets mourning Shannon alone.

His mouth is filled with the taste of ozone, and pain is felt in his body as if he fell unsuccessfully, and then later he sees it.

Such a familiar body that doesn't move and hangs so high above him. He hears his voice shouting “Buck”, feels dead weight in his hands, and feels like he wants to feel it closer, but he can't and he has to lower it, feels the steering wheel in his hands and hears all the prayers that he knows with a mixture of an internal timer counting down every second of hell, feels like the ribs are breaking but he would prefer to only hug them tightly, feels trapped near the ward, not daring to enter, hears the sound of Chris's voice talking to Buck, who does not answer him. And then he feels relieved when looking into insanely beautiful ALIVE blue eyes.

At this moment, he feels like his breathing is knocked down and as he is clearly struggling for air, he is working to calm down, trying to push air through the vice in his chest, squeezing him so hard that he's ready to scream in pain.

Gradually his breathing returns to normal and he meets the frightened green eyes.

“I’m so sorry, but I need to go,” he throws all the cash he has and runs outside, already taking out the car keys.

He needs to see Buck.

tagging @alyxmastershipper @jeeyuns @the-likesofus @thewolvesof1998 @theotherluciferr @wikiangela @hippolotamus @911onabc @transbuck @fatedking @fortheloveofbuddie @ladydorian05 @bigfootsmom @bekkachaos @monsterrae1 @lover-of-mine @loserdiaz @mandzuking17 @gayarthur @housewifebuck @honestlydarkprincess @cowboy-buddie @watchyourbuck @eddiediaztho @pirrusstuff @heartshapedvows @devirnis @rogerzsteven @spotsandsocks @spaceprincessem @wildlife4life

#fic: you can't forget love #now i abandon it to write bra fic and who knows when come back #buddie #evan buckley #eddie diaz #911 #my wips

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madstheauthor · 11 months

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Don’t Call Me Aaron

Part 1:

WORDS: 1.5K

You and Hotchner have just been called to go and check out a new crime scene for the case you’ve been working on for about a week now.

“I can’t believe we haven’t been able to catch this guy yet,” Hotch says, frustrated, his hands clenched into fists at his sides. “This makes six women dead now.” I get it. We’ve been doing everything we can but this unsub is still one step ahead of us.

“I know,” I tell him, “But we aren’t going to give up. He’s getting angrier, which means he may mess up and leave something at the scene that will help us.” I tell him with as much confidence as I can muster at the moment. I’m trying to be hopeful, but this guy has done everything perfectly. Not a sliver of DNA at the crime scenes besides the victims.

The team doesn’t know, but this unsub has hit close to home for me. I’ve never been able to tell them what happened. All they know is that my mom passed when I was 8 and my dad has never been around. Everyone has been trying to find him, especially Hotchner, I don’t think he’s slept since we arrived in the small town of St. Augustine, Florida.

In the three years I’ve been with the BAU, I’ve never seen an unsub get to Hotch the way this one has. I couldn’t tell you exactly what it is about this particular case, but you can see it on his face. He almost looks like he could explode.

“Hotch, I’m worried about you,” I tell him, looking up at his dark brown eyes. “You need to eat and you need to sleep. Those aren’t things you can just skip.” I just need him to take care of himself.

“How am I expected to rest when you-” he starts to say but is cut off when we pull into the driveway of the crime scene. Every police car in the state of Florida must be here. Hotch finds a place to pull over and we jump out of the car.

By the time my feet hit the asphalt, Aaron is halfway to the house, taking giant strides to get there like someone he adored was being held hostage in that house. I run to catch up with him and we walk in together. And as soon as my feet are over the threshold,

Blood. Blood everywhere. On the walls. Floor. Cabinets. If it’s in the kitchen, it’s covered in dark red blood. It looked as if a tornado had gone straight through the center of the house. Not a single thing looked as if it belonged. And right in the middle of the kitchen table, a kitchen knife, covered from handle to tip in the darkest, crimson blood I’ve ever seen.

I tried to hide the horror and fear on my face but I must not have done a good job because if I thought Hotch walked quickly into the house, he was dragging me out before I could blink. I couldn’t do anything but stare ahead of me, motionless. Trying to get my mind back where it needed to be.

“Go wait in the car. Now.” He said staring down at me. He almost looks, sad. I do what I can to keep myself from looking weak.

“Hotch, I’m fine, c’mon,” I told him, sounding surprisingly okay. I tried to walk past him back to the house. I didn’t make it very far though; he stuck his arm out to stop me dead in my tracks. “Aaron, this is my job, and you know I’m capable or you wouldn’t have hired me in the first place. This is important that we look over every detail. I want to find him just as bad as you.” I tell him frustratingly. I know he’s worried about me, but I’m grown, and I can take care of myself. What happened to me is not something I’m just going to forget. The next best thing is to work through it.

“I don’t care if you say you’re fine or not. You’re not needed here. That’s an order. Take the car back to the police station and help Reid with the geographical profile. I’ll get a ride from one of the deputies.” He hands me the keys with a deep sigh. “And don’t call me Aaron.” he ends, and goes back into the house. I walk angrily back to the SUV. I can’t believe he just did that. How am I supposed to help catch this guy if Hotch doesn’t trust me and my skills?

. . .

A few hours later everyone gathered at the police headquarters to look over the pictures from the crime scene. As JJ is flicking through all the pictures, I can feel someone’s gaze on me. I look around the room to see Aaron Hotchner, staring so hard at me that I was sure he could see straight through me. I decide to ignore it for the time being, but putting a mental note in my head to tell him to stop acting like I’m going to fall apart. I look back at the TV to see the living room of the house, which looked like a whole other house compared to the kitchen. Everything in the room was pristine like it had never been used, almost like nobody even lived in the house.

“So Hotch, did y’all find anything at the house?” Morgan asked.

“We did find a few fingerprints, Garcia is running them through the database as we speak.” He said, yet still looking at me. I’m so tired of him. He’s not my dad, and he needs to stop acting like he is. I never got the joy of having one of those. I’ve had enough.

“Well, we could have missed something since Hotch decided not to let me even look at the scene.” I told the group, but staring right at Aaron with boiling anger. I hadn’t even noticed my fists clenched at my sides until I could feel my fingernails digging into my palms.

“Why not?” Reid questioned, looking back and forth between me and Hotch. I’d love to see what he comes up with as a good excuse.

“Not that it’s anyone’s business, but she wasn’t needed. There were plenty of deputies there and I needed her here working on the geographical profile.” He told everyone. “It will take a few hours to get the results back from Garcia on those fingerprints, so everyone go home and rest, we will meet back here first thing in the morning.” I am exhausted and ready to be home so I can just sit in the silence. I need to be alone. I gathered all my stuff off the table and headed towards the door, but of course, it’s not that simple.

“Agent, a word please,” Hotchner says looking at me. Of course, I’m in trouble. And the group must have heard because they all turn and give me a sympathetic look before walking out and shutting the door behind them. I take a seat back at the table while Hotch continues to stand.

“What the hell was that?!” He inquires, with his arms crossed over his chest.

“Oh like you have no idea. You completely invalidated my skills today and made me feel like I wasn’t good enough to be on the team, Aaron” I spit back at him, sure to add his first name there at the end to make sure he gets the point. He starts walking in my direction and takes a seat directly next to me.

“I will not tell you again, do not call me Aaron.” He tells me through gritted teeth.

“Hotch I need to know why. Why did you send me back? I know I’m one of the best profilers in the BAU. I want to be treated as so, not like a five-year-old girl who needs her daddy.” I ask desperate to know the answer. I hate feeling like I’m not good enough, I’ve felt like that my whole life and things finally got better when I started working for the FBI.

“You want to know why?!” Hotch yells, standing again. He starts to pace around the room like he’s begging to get something off his chest. Something he’s been holding in since we got to Florida last week.

“Something is off about this case with you, I can feel it. And your face when you saw the crime scene, it was something I’d never seen in you before. I wasn’t going to sacrifice your well-being over this case.” He says, his pacing paused to gauge my reaction.

“Well that’s not your decision to make sir, I can figure that out myself. I am perfectly capable.” I tell him, swiftly standing from my chair to match him.

“What’s wrong, honestly?” He asks me, searching my eyes like they have the answer. But they don’t, I do.

“That’s none of your business, Aaron.” I spit as I grab my things and walk out, slamming the door behind me.

Part 1 to my series, writing part 2 now!! My first time writing, by the way, give me suggestions please on where I could take this story! Thank you! ❤️❤️

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to-my-emil · 4 months

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when, exactly, is matthias czernin's birthday?

given idv's habit of making us wait a year for the first little bit of lore for each character in the form of a letter on their birthday, i'm always antsy to know exactly when we'll be getting this information. lucky for us, we don't have to wait for a weibo post or just sitting around for a year for matthias's birthday; they actually gave us all the information we need already!

(obligatory disclaimer of if i'm wrong then i'm wrong and this is all just for fun so please don't come yelling if they reveal his birthday and i'm wrong <3 ty ily)

NOW LETS GET INTO IT

there's two places that we're going to look in order to figure out matthias's birthday, these being his weibo post and 3 frames of his lore video!

according to matthias's weibo post, (disclaimer that i just threw it into google translate), he first burned louis on his birthday, and then received a box with another louis over and over with each cycle getting shorter.

first off let's start out by figuring out how much shorter that cycle is getting. i punched some numbers into a graphing calculator, and we wind up with this here: a linear slope of 13 that hits the x-axis at 8.

so this means that each time louis arrives and matthias burns him again, it's 13 less days from the previous time until louis will show up once more. the fact that 13 is regarded in some cultures as an unlucky number makes it just a littler creepier, too! so if it's 13 less days, then let's add all that up to see if the math works out:

91+78+65+52+39+26+13 = 364

364 days, exactly the amount of days it takes for the last arrival of louis on matthias's birthday (if we assume we started counting the day after the first burning) as we see in the weibo post:

now, you might be asking, why does this help us figure out what matthias's birthday is?

great question! we'll get to that in a minute! for now, though, let's look at something a little more confusing. we get to see three dates in matthias's lore video (though the first one doesn't give us a month):

notice anything strange? it's hard to see when watching quickly, but the second date says may, not march, and if these dates are listed chronologically then may should've come after april. for a while, i thought this was a mistake and that may should've been march, but once i went to double check:

hey, would you look at that! 364-351 is 13 days, so it fits right into our cycle if we assume this is almost a year later. so then, there's 13 days left in the cycle. so, 13 days after april 28 would be:

may 11th! given that the screenshot above shows may 12th, and the 364 day cycle gives us the tiniest bit of wiggle room (whether it started counting on his birthday or the day after his birthday accounts for the difference), we can assume that his birthday is most likely to be either may 11 or 12!

after all this i'll still be waiting impatiently for his letters, but at least now i know what day it'll probably be... unless netease pulls a fast one and picks a character day instead of a birthday. shakes fist

#idv #identity v #matthias czernin #idv puppeteer #idv matthias #meta #my posts #again if im proven wrong later dont worry about it

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moth-fuzz · 14 days

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I smoked a cigarette (tobacco) on my balcony for the first time in what feels like ages. I immediately got misty eyed thinking, "what would my parents think if they found out?" "what would my ex think if they saw me?" "won't my friends be concerned?", and how even the little pleasures I partake in are run through a calculus of what-ifs for every person in the hypothetical room except myself.

I am reminded of what drove me to pick up smoking, I was 24, my ex of 4 years (give or take) had just moved out, and I was about to visit my parents for christmas. I was caught between the identity I had embedded into my relationship with my ex for 4 years, and the identity I had embedded into my relationship with my parents for the 20 years prior. I didn't know who I was anymore. I wanted to do something that, truly, in all possible cases, only I would enjoy. My parents would hate knowing that I smoked. My ex would probably yell at me (and they did, later). But me, I always loved the smell, the taste, the feeling as the smoke hit the back of my throat. I wanted to do something that I was the only person in the world who would approve of, so I could be sure that it was me, just me, calling the shots for my own life.

I looked up at the sky and wondered why I don't write songs anymore. Why I haven't really for almost 8 years, now. Writing songs that you'll expect your parents to hear is hard enough, but I had accepted that at this point. But not being able to write songs around your potential life-partner, who you share a roof with? That's heartbreaking. In the years me & my ex lived together, I made electronic music through headphones, but nothing that involved guitar, nothing that involved my voice. Nothing with words. How could I? They lived on just the other side of my bedroom door, they would hear every creak in my voice, every word I pronounced incorrectly, every high note I couldn't hit. I just stopped. The door closed.

They moved out, but it's been years and I've still not opened the door yet. All that calculus of 'what-if' still runs through my head. Every time I sit down to write a song I'm suddenly thinking about the whims and sensibilities of everyone I know. It's a function with no solutions, a matrix of variables that always multiplies to zero. Someone over here doesn't wanna hear this, someone over there doesn't wanna hear that. I could write songs alone by myself, but, then what's the point of art? I write music because I have things to say. Things I want people to hear. Even, no, especially if it makes them uncomfortable. So why am I scared of it doing exactly that?

Why am I scared of smoking being too defiant when that's the reason I picked it up in the first place?

A little over a week ago I broke up with someone very close to me for the past couple of years, who will always remain in my mind as the one responsible for getting me through my past breakup, and one of my best friends. I imagine our future bright, but, our present is the result of a long decay - we didn't hurt each other, there was simply a lack of interest and a lack of involvement that lead to nothing but fear and neglect. Neither of us fought for the relationship. Neither of us were brave. I'm still sitting with the fallout from my decision to end it, but, I don't want to be scared anymore. I don't want my lack of confidence in my own decisions to be the death of me. I want to take the reins, I want to drive, where at least if I hurt myself or someone else it'll be because of my action and not because of my inaction.

Sometimes I almost wish we hurt each other. I wish I wrote a song about her. Maybe I will one day.

Tonight, here I am on the balcony, smoking.

#blogging

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io-lu-art · 5 months

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just a looong ramble analysing and rethinking Rey's character and turning whatever conclusions I get to into my headcanon without changing any plot points in TFA because I don't have the energy for that....

First things first. With everything I write here and publish on my blog from now on I refuse to believe that TROS ever existed. Everyone is free to have their personal opinions as long as they don't harass or hate on anyone, and this is mine. Almost every choice in that movie has left me scarred, even up til now, 4 years after its release. I thought I can ignore it, like any other healthy human being, but - oh boy, I cannot. If you are interested in reading another ramble on that, here's the post.

Since I am writing my own take on what could happen after TLJ (you may call it a fanfiction, I'm gonna call it a fanscript since that's gonna be its format), this post serves the purpose of getting my head clear around what's the deal with Rey, analysing, and lying down a solid foundation for my WIP. The story I'm writing has barely reached the end of Act I (out of III) at the moment I am composing this commentary, and I constantly notice that I get stuck with Rey's character every time I have to think about her for different reasons I will address down below.

I will make some rewrites as I see fit and necessary along the way for her character to make sense to me. All rewrites are in Tumblr's

chat style

This post will be linked to my AO3 fancifction as a reference for people to understand how I treat her character as soon as that one will be finished... *clears her throat* ...ANYWAY-

Let's have a look at Rey, shall we?

Rey's introduction.

When we first meet Rey, there is already a lot we get to learn about her. She's a scavenger. On a pretty much deserted desert planet. Water and food are scarce. She gathers parts during the day to sell them in exchange for food rations.

She has no friends, no family. She's lonely. And has been for quite a while. And yet, though hard, it looks like a pretty peaceful and stable life. If it were significantly different, we would have gotten introduction scenes of her battling some gangs or other scavengers for parts or something. But instead we were provided with beautiful, peaceful cinematography and John Williams' incredible score.

She manages. She manages because she has to and has never known to do otherwise. This on its own is already a very solid introduction. And it becomes even more powerful as we are provided with additional context later on, as she tells BB-8 that she's waiting for her family.

We know who she is, what she does and what she wants. No more questions, right?

Well, this is where it gets confusing, at least for me: there's one shot in Rey's introduction which always leaves me puzzled about her actual wants. It's the moment she puts on the rebel pilot helmet.

Maybe I am reading too much into it, but it feels like it kinda wants to draw parallels to Luke Skywalker in ANH? What exactly is the purpose of this shot? Is she putting on the helmet just for fun? Is it to show that she is still a kid inside? She seems to enjoy herself. Is it to show us that she maybe wants to be a pilot...? The gesture on its own is too little information to imply that, let alone that she already is a very skilled one, so probably no. Then, is it, perhaps, to show us that she dreams of more? Like Luke, who wanted to get off the planet that is "farthest away from the bright center of the universe"?

The interpretations, especially when looking at it in context to the rest of the movie could go on and on and on.

Quick detour.

The reason it works so well with Luke's character is because from the very beginning, with everything he does and says, it is perfectly clear that he doesn't want to stay on Tatooine. It's his only want when we first meet him.

Luke has friends who tell him about the galaxy. He seeks adventure.

And he's very impatient about it.

Everything he says basically SCREAMS how much he hates it there.

Now back to Rey.

Am I expecting Rey to show the same interest in getting off Jakku with the same attitude and level of energy as Luke, should that have been what TFA was going for? No, of course not. They are (supposed to be) two different characters after all. But I do believe that, given the setup, that helmet scene leaves too much room for confusing and unnecessary interpretation. (More so because I am trying my best to avoid nostalgia bait wherever I can.)

I am not denying the fact that she wouldn't have heard about the wider galaxy, that she wouldn't wonder about what it would feel like, being out there. People travel. And with people traveling, so do stories. So if you want to hint at that, do it subtly, all the while keeping the focus on her biggest want.

I might really just be reading too much into it, but still, in my humble opinion, a way to solve this confusion is cutting out her interaction with the pilot helmet completely. Let me demonstrate.

Inside her home we already see this self-made rebel pilot puppet. Just like the puppet lying around, instead of having her pick it up and putting it on,

the helmet remains part of the environment, stuck in the sand. There could even be a close-up on it as Rey puts down her empty plate next to it when she has finished eating if you really want to show it. She then rests her arms on her knees and looks up into the sky, following the ship that has just departed from the far outpost into the high atmosphere until it disappears. Waiting.

What is achieved by changing the interaction with the helmet is that it keeps her wants just as clear as Luke's. Luke wants adventure. She wants her family back. Period.

...I rewatched this scene after writing these paragraphs and yes, I admit, in the end it happens so fast that one could probably just let it pass and interpret it as Rey being very bored and using it as entertainment to wait out the days. But even if it were just that, the effects this little tweak would have on the following scenes is quite interesting to look at nonetheless.

The tweak I am going with from now on: Having her not actively wonder about possible adventures at all. She doesn't believe those stories to actually be true, because she's never allowed herself to. She's never allowed herself to actually want to ever leave Jakku.

What would it mean for her characterisation? It would make her slightly more serious and grounded. And the movie (except for the helmet scene) actually already treats her that way. Notice how she, while fixing BB-8's antenna, takes a moment to look at him before asking:

She's never seen such a droid before. At least not in such good condition. So, of course, she's curious. But when BB-8 says it's classified, she only laughs about it. "Classified? Really? Me too. Big secret," as if to say, haha, yeah, right. She rejects that possibility. And she doesn't bother asking any further, because when she is confronted with the choice to go and explore, she is reminded of her promise to herself, which is that she will wait for her family until they return.

Now, here is where I insert some very subtle "rewriting". When Rey first meets Finn, she is suspicious of him...

...and should actually remain suspicious,

instead of admiring him and falling into this, let's call it, "excited, fangirly smile"...

She doesn't know him. She has no reason to trust him. Instead, the tone of this line should be one that reflects her emotions as it slowly gets to her that those stories she's been hearing about might actually have some truth to them, that there might actually be a wider world out there. So make her be gradually interested.

Huh. This man I just forcefully hit to the ground, a Resistance fighter, knows about BB-8 and his classified information. What are the odds of that?

"So you're with the Resistance?" Rey asks suspiciously, looking down at the man.

The man stands up, brushes the sand and dust off his jacket and answers, "Obviously. Yes, I am. I am with the Resistance."

Rey frowns, "I've never met a Resistance fighter before," scanning him with her eyes. Why would there be any on Jakku? Nothing ever happens here.

"Oh, this is what we look like, some of us. Others look different."

Rey cannot help a little smile at his strange attitude. She looks back to where BB-8 rolled off to. Puzzled, she tells him, "BB-8 says he's on a secret mission. He has to get back to your base..." Even hearing herself pronounce that out loud feels so surreal to her. None of this makes any sense. Why-

"Apparently he has a map that leads to Luke Skywalker and everyone's after it."

What? "Luke Skywalker?" she asks, confounded.

CUT TO ACTION.

Whether she wants it or not, the plot forces her into the stories she's been hearing of. You don't want to believe they are real? They're real, all right. She has no choice but to run and get along. And later, she does get more and more interested, specifically when she meets Han Solo, the legend himself. Her whole beliefs turn upside down. It's exciting and she embraces it. Why? She's made a promise to BB-8 that she will get him home, and those things kinda come hand in hand.

Rey's physicality.

Rey is very fast to jump into action. She doesn't think twice about what she's doing. She just acts. Because that's how she's learned to survive all this time on her own. When she but hears BB-8 struggling in the distant sand dunes the first time they meet, she immediately reacts and goes to help (which also shows how compassionate she is towards people - and droids - in need of help).

And she's incredibly stubborn about it. If I may even word it like this: it's something she carries with pride.

So she's a good fighter. And I have but one request: DO. NOT. FORGET. THAT. HER. FIGHTING. STYLE. IS. ROUGH. AND. DIRTY. AND. HAS. NO. TECHNIQUE. WHATSOEVER. WHILE. THE. STORY. PROGRESSES. OK? Ok. What else? Ah, yes. Piloting. I don't know which of the two aspects has brought more uproar in the SW community, with the addition of the Force to these 2 points making people call her a Mary Sue, her being overpowered and so on. Let's have a look at that.

Rey's piloting skills.

She obviously knows her way around the Falcon. And it's plausible. "This ship hasn't flown in years!" It's been there for quite a while. Maybe she has had the opportunity to sneak onto it once. What about her flying skills? Well, that takeoff definitely had me worried. At this point I am even amazed this ship is still all in one piece. Which has me thinking... just a thought...

While trying to get those TIEs off their tail, Rey damages a visibly big part of the Falcon's exterior. "Ups," she comments, hastily checking the controls. Ok... The ship still flies. All good.

"What was that?" Finn calls from the gunner position, seriously worried for their lives.

"Nothing to worry about!" Rey quickly shouts back. All in all, the flight is messy as hell, and the Falcon needs some heavy repairs. But they still manage to get out.

"Nice shooting!"

"That was some flying! How did you do that?"

"Thanks! I don't know! I've flown some ships, but I've never left the planet."

(This is me reacting to their dialogue in the new context:) Yeah, guys, good work! You've almost destroyed the Falcon in the process, but you're alive, so I guess it's fiiiiiine.

What am I going for here? Adding to their level of expectations, which are... pretty low, and hopefully Rey's likability.

And then, later, Han is horrified of the state his ship is in, "Who did that?" Rey doesn't answer his question, but instead immediately offers her help, "I can fix that for you," feeling a bit ashamed of handling the ship of a legend this carelessly. And Han is... well, Han about it.

When would the Falcon get those repairs, you might ask? Eh, *hand gesture* there's plenty of time on D'Quar for that while they discuss how to blow up the third Deathst- *clears her throat* Starkiller Base. And obviously it's not gonna be Rey doing those repairs.

This addition tones down her abilities, puts more focus on her skills as a scavenger and makes her more relatable. I'd also argue that it puts more weight to her decision to eventually decline Han's offer to join the crew because of her wants. You see, once immersed into the real thing, the stories becoming true, meeting the legends, she becomes genuinely curious. She asks questions. Why did Luke leave? What fight? She gets incredibly excited when Han offers her a job. And yet, despite all, she still wants to go back.

Nevertheless, Rey displays pretty amazing piloting skills under those stressful circumstances on Jakku. After all, flying the Falcon is....

Her instincts are implacable. One might even say that she*

She just isn't aware of it yet. It is not until some scenes with Han and the rathtars later that we get the first hint.

The Force.

Now I might be wrong, but I have a theory, which is that the piloting performance under high pressure on Jakku might have been it. The Awakening.

The Force calls to Rey through Luke's lightsaber. And she listens to it, not knowing what will follow. She experiences the Force vision, and is horrified.

"That lightsaber was Luke's, and his father's before him, and now, it calls to you!"

"I have to get back to Jakku." Again.

Even when Maz tells her, "You already know the truth. Whomever your waiting for on Jakku, they are never coming back,"

she still refuses to believe that.

Tears run down her cheeks

and she shakes her head. No.

"But there's someone who still could."

Rey frowns. What is Maz implying there? "Luke?" she asks and realises what it's leading up to, and doesn't like it. Her emotions are a mess. She gulps back and keeps shaking her head as Maz speaks.

"The belonging you seek is not behind you. It is ahead. I am no Jedi, but I know the Force. [...] The light. Feel it. [...] The lightsaber. Take it."

Rey doesn't want to hear of it. Any of it.

"I am never touching that thing again!"

Rey just witnessed complete horror. She is in denial. Keep in mind her clear wants from the beginning of the movie. Ideally her want for her parents to come back should be replaced by the character fulfilling her needs at the end of her arc. But we're not nearly there yet. What Maz tells her about the Force completely contradicts Rey's experiences. She cannot just accept the truth. And how does she handle it? She runs away. She's terrified.

She wants to go back to the way things were before any of this mess started. But the plot doesn't let her run away that easily. It knows she has to face her fears, one being her fear of the Force and one the fear of perhaps never making it back to Jakku ever again.

It forces her further into these situations, making it impossible for her to get out of them. She's trapped. Literally and figuratively. And fighting her way out won't work this time, the one ability she always relied on to save herself. It's her darkest moment. And if that were not enough, Kylo Ren, this stranger, this man inside that mask, the man from her vision, shoves all her insecurities right into her face.

"And Han Solo." Rey jolts up. Either out of fear of possibly betraying Han and slipping, giving away a location, or out of rage that Kylo has gone too far into her personal space. Either way, this rage gives her some strength to oppose him. "You feel like he's the father you never had. He would have disappointed you."

"Get out of my head!" He backs away for his own reasons, not wanting to think any more of his father, but still holds onto her mind. Rey does all she can to withstand him, and the longer she does, the more time it gives her to understand what is going on.

And Kylo senses it. What he's trying to do here is not working. Concern washes over his face, which makes him lose control over the situation. The connection opens, inviting Rey to tap into his mind. She's inside his head. Now she understands. She understands she can use this power on him, too. So she does.

And there it is. She's strong with the Force.

And that's intentional. Why? For reasons we discover in TLJ and numerous other fanfictions. (TROS? w-what's that-)

She has found a way out of the situation. Now, has she ever heard of Jedi mind tricks? Maybe? But remember what she just discovered: She just tapped into Kylo's mind. So she tries that again on the stormtrooper. Because when she knows how to act, she just does. She's always been confident in her physical abilities and skills. Why would she have to treat this new power any different? And luckily it works, after 3 tries.

And that's fine. Let's move on. Kylo kills Han. Explosions.

Notice this. Even though she knows she now has these new powers, the same powers Kylo has, she still draws her blaster at him after calling him a monster. She acts on emotion and choses the quick, familiar way.

I actually like to believe that Rey really doesn't know what the Force is and how it works, at all. How would she? Yes, Maz did tell her about it, but how do Force-powers manifest in people? She's never seen anyone use it before, upon meeting Kylo Ren. So in every scene she does use it, she just copies Kylo. That's the only reference she has. Remember how proud she is of her physical abilities. And she is so naive that she just goes and tries it for herself, without thinking of whether it will work out or not. And it works out for her. Because, again, she is strong in the Force.

It's true that her flaw, her naivety, is not really addressed in TFA. It never really backlashes on her. And, to be completely honest, I have no idea how to make room for that without some heavier rewrites yet. But maybe it's not necessary. TLJ takes care of that. TFA just introduces us to Rey as a character after all.

Now, is the force-summoned lightsaber making her overpowered? If you interpret it as "Kylo couldn't get that thing out the snow but Rey could," then yes, yes it is. BUT, if you see it as "while Rey is observing the fight, she sees Kylo trying to summon it, so she copies him, the way she copied him with the mind-tapping, and reaches for it the moment Kylo conveniently gets it out of the snow for her," I don't think it is, though I do agree that in order for the second version to be true, the scene happens too fast with too little shots to explain it. *OP takes a breath* So, here is what I suggest:

Kylo reaches out for the lightsaber. SHOT of the lightsaber in the snow, fidgeting slightly. BACK TO Kylo, pulling anew. BACK TO the lightsaber. It gets free. CUT. Another shot of it flying through the air towards the camera.

SHOT on Rey witnessing that - she is already on her feet again - and immediately reaching for it as well, outstretching her arm towards it.

SHOT of Kylo as he feels the momentum of his pull shift and dodges out of the way. The lightsaber flies past him, into Rey's hand.

Rey has always been fast to react to action. So it would make sense for her to be able to do that. Ok. Now to the fight itself.

*sighs* I don't even know where to start. ...One thing's for sure. Kylo at this point is pretty much destroyed emotionally from having killed his father, but he's still big and strong and aggressive in his movements. Rey, on the other hand, kinda seamlessly knows how to handle a lightsaber, which... is definitely not believable at all.

Let's step back for a moment. Why do we have this fight? Rey needs to get Finn and herself out of there and Kylo is pretty much in the way, so she wants to eliminate the problem. And what does Kylo want? Sure, he is interested in Rey and her raw powers which eventually adds up to them being equals in the Force, so he doesn't want to kill her...

But he also wants that lightsaber, doesn't he?

(God, I am looking at this fight to find any clues and I'm just sitting here, elbows on the table, resting my head in my hands, massaging my temples, wondering, "why the hell are there so many cuts in that fight scene?") (I am no expert in fight choreography, so bare with me as I try to make this work.)

Rey is the one who draws first at him.

She has never wielded a lightsaber before, but knows how to handle a staff... so she treats the lightsaber like a staff within its limitations.

Because remember, HER. STYLE. OF. FIGHTING. IS. ROUGH. AND. DIRTY. AND. HAS. NO. TECHNIQUE. WHATSOEVER. So, pretend we have some well thought out choreography in this part.

Kylo blocks her with ease. Rey is frustrated. The lightsaber feels heavy and difficult to handle. It doesn't take long for Kylo to

get her cornered at the edge of the newly formed cliff.

"You need a teacher! I could show you the ways of the Force!" he exclaims.

Rey considers, out of breath, "The Force?" Rey takes a moment as her mind connects the dots. So that's what these new powers are? Kylo watches her, waits for her to make a move. No time for pondering about the Force any more. Rey moves. Kylo LETS her duck and free herself from his block. She runs, backs away from the crater. He follows her. He outstretches his arm. Rey is stuck. She's literally petrified. Again. Kylo draws nearer. He twirls his saber, now holding it backwards (you know, Ahsoka style). "No," she hisses through her teeth, struggling. Heavy breaths. She closes her eyes. When he almost touches her hand holding the lightsaber, "No!" she RESISTS his force-cage and GOES FREE.

Because, you see, even though Maz told her to "close her eyes" and "feel the light", Rey has never done that before, and when under stress, I do believe she would rather choose a quick, familiar way to get out of the situation. The only thing she knows how to do with the Force at this point is to copy or resist Kylo. She wouldn't know how to to draw power from the Force, yet. She'll have plenty of time to learn that from Luke later, should she survive this fight, so we better continue.

Kylo stumbles back as she draws at him. Rey goes for a swing to hit from above, which Kylo manages to block last second, bringing his lighsaber up from behind his back. As their lightsabers are crossed again he quickly reaches for her right hand, which is holding Luke's saber, with his left hand and moves it aside to his right towards the ground, using his crossguard for more momentum to force her down. He steps his left foot accordingly to keep himself stable. Rey cries out from the unexpected movement. They are kinda back to back. His left shoulder against her right one. The position is uncomfortable. He squeezes Rey's wrist. Rey cries out in pain. Then, she realises how close they are.

Time for some close combat, ladies and gentlemen.

She gives in and lets go of the lightsaber, lets it fall to the ground. Kylo releases her to reach for the fallen lightsaber. But before he can pick it up, Rey KICKS his left hand away with her right heel and PUNCHES his JAW with her right elbow from below. Kylo's head rocks back. He stumbles backwards from the harsh impact, causing him to turn his back to her in order to catch himself. Rey summons Luke's lightsaber back into her left hand, and ignites it. When Kylo turns back to his opponent, left and unprotected side first, Rey is ready to stab him in his left shoulder.

Kylo stumbles back some more, she brings her hands together for another strike leftwards, he barely blocks it, he stumbles back some more, it leaves his posture open, Rey strikes again, rightwards, lower this time, wounding his leg, he falls to his knee, leaving Rey the final blow to provide him with his scar.

The reason I started writing this entire ramble in the first place is a conversation I had with my friend which brought up the fact that Rey should be able to beat Kylo by using her rough, unpredictable moves. Shout out to my friend who, bless her, is willing to listen to and survives every one of my sw rants and who pointed this out in the first place!

Is this a good fightscene now? I have no idea. I hope so? I do have it very clear in my head now though, so I might go and have some fun storyboarding it in the nearest future.

You know the rest. The ground splits, she runs to Finn, Chewie picks them up. . . .

There are some more moments which I believe need some tweaks, like the meeting with Leia, which is just so unfair to Chewie, really, but if I go on and on about this, I would end up changing the entire movie, which I do not have the strength for atm. This ramble was supposed to be about Rey and her alone, so I am done here.

I guess in the end Rey does realise her needs and is able to let her wants aside for a bit longer and focus her hope on actually helping the Resistance and get Luke. Hope that, with finding Luke, she will get to understand these new powers. I do feel like the movie could have provided us with a more emotionally rich reactive scene to the fight and her abilities, and generally just more of those, but then, what am I expecting from a JJ Abrams film? We have Rian for that.

My conclusion? I'm bad with conclusions and summaries, so here you have it, my take on Rey by only adding to the existing dialogue, changing some attitudes here and there, adding a scene, and changing the fight sequence at the end and how she treats the Force.

I do have a clearer understanding of her character now, which was the entire purpose of this ramble, so I guess, mission accomplished. Congratulations on having made it till the end. It was a long ride. I did consider splitting this beast into 2 parts, but while writing this, at one point I just decided to fully commit to it.

You are totally free to, of course, agree with me and stay tuned for my WIP fanscript or disagree, never read through this thing ever again, ignore it and leave it to die on Tumblr's graveyard.

Before you ask, because I also considered doing that just for the sake of having fun with GIFs on Tumblr (all text gifs are taken from YARN btw), I will not do a post like this on TLJ, since I have no problems with Rey's character there at all. Props to Rian Johnson at this point, for managing to make sense of her with what TFA gave us.

#rey #rey nobody #the force awakens #the force is strong with this one #character analysis #character rewrite #headcanon #this is my headcanon now #ramble #long ramble #long reads #have i mentioned it's long?#star wars #star wars fanfiction

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