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imagining-in-the-margins · 3 years

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Here to Misbehave (Pt. 23 | S.R.)

Summary: Spencer’s birthday plans get interrupted by a case. Frustrated by Reader’s busy schedule, Spencer finds a unique way to spend time with her. Couple: Spencer Reid/Fem!Reader Category: Smut (NSFW, 18+) Content Warning: Mild exhibitionism, fingering, penetrative sex, unprotected sex, Dom/sub, light choking, degradation/praise, sub space Word Count: 7.3k

MASTERLIST

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Waiting for Spencer Reid was an interesting position to be in. It was also, unfortunately, very, very common. You would think the IQ points would translate to efficiency, but you’d be very wrong. The only thing that boy does fast is read, and even that didn’t follow through to text messages, considering he’d read none of the six I’d sent him in the past hour.

So, naturally, as one does in an emergency, I called him. Unsurprisingly, the phone barely rang a second time before he picked up. Talking was, as we were both aware, his forte. Without even waiting for my greeting, his groggy voice came through the receiver with a song-like sound.

“Hello, little girl.”

But it wasn’t his turn to sing, and he knew damn well why I was calling. I could hear the smirk on his face so well that I could also envision exactly what he looked like in that moment, with his fluffy hair sticking up from constantly running his hands through it and his eyes only half-open as he tried to finish reading whatever horrible thing that he had in front of him.

It wasn’t how anyone should be spending their birthday. Especially not him. There wasn’t really anything I could do about it, though that didn’t make it any easier to hear the exhaustion and sadness behind that scratchy voice.

“What’re you doing up late? It’s past your bedtime, you know,” he chastised before I even had a chance to speak. He wasn’t wrong — It was 3AM where I was. But where he was, it’d just hit midnight.

“I just wanted to wish a happy birthday to my favorite old man,” I purred back once I’d managed to calm my fast-beating heart. I wondered if I’d ever get used to the brief rush of adrenaline and relief when I heard his voice for the first time after some time away.

I hoped not.

Spencer didn’t seem impressed by my reasoning, though. “You’re sweet. Go to sleep.”

“You’re up, too,” I whined, still picturing the way he would undoubtedly pull the phone further away to lessen the noise. I almost asked if he was also picturing me but stopped when I realized that whatever he had in mind was probably a lot more exciting than reality. Then again, he often told me that moments like this were his favorite. When we’re both too tired to keep our eyes open but too happy to be with each other to let them close all the way.

“Barely,” he corrected.

“Besides, I had to stay up. It’s your birthday.”

I’d meant to lift his spirits, but the long pause after I finished made it evident that my efforts were for naught. He almost seemed even more upset than when he’d answered, and I tried to convince myself that it had nothing to do with me. It wasn’t that hard, considering he was probably staring at images or words of dead people.

“Yeah, sure feels like it.”

His tone alone ensured me it was worse than my imagination.

“Put your work down and pay attention to me instead,” I suggested as softly as I could with the neediness bleeding through, “That’s the first part of your present.”

“You’re my present?” he asked through a gruff laugh that made my heart skip a beat, “I like that present.”

He was trying. I could feel it in his voice, and I wished more than anything that I could teleport to where he was and hold him until it was too difficult for his mouth to form a frown.

“You already have me. That’d be like regifting,” I pointed out with only a pinch of self-deprecation. It was still too much for Spencer, though, who swiftly shot back the ever cheesy, “Every day with you is a gift.”

“Gross, don’t get all sentimental with me,” I ordered playfully.

He returned the energy with all the sass I always knew he was capable of. Once his whining ceased, he mumbled, “Do you come with a gift receipt?”

“No returns or exchanges allowed, I’m afraid.”

Spencer just let out a strained sigh, and in my head, I imagined how it would feel to climb onto his lap as he leaned back in his chair. I could almost feel his arms wrapping around my waist and his lips peppering kisses wherever he could reach. I could feel his love for me flowing across the country, persisting past the cell tower obstacles to make its way back to me.

“I can’t wait to see you again,” he whispered, his first purely sincere statement of the night.

It was an unfortunate choice, too, because it also reminded me of the biggest bummer that I unfortunately had to share.

“Oh, I meant to tell you, it’s midterm season, so…”

He was, thankfully, not as bummed as I was expecting. He was almost certainly thrilled to have a chance to sleep spread out on his bed without having to satisfy the very needy girl beside him, but he still managed to come up with enough bratty energy to scoff, “Are you telling me that I don’t get my gift when I get home?”

“It’ll just be a few days. Promise,” I spoke through the biggest, cheesiest smile I’d had yet. “You’re very distracting, Dr. Reid.”

“When are your exams?” His enthusiasm gave away just how disappointed he was with the news, but any frustration was clearly aimed at my poor professors.

“My last one is on Wednesday.”

The gasp that left him was too funny not to laugh, followed by exasperated, blubbered nonsense that didn’t ever get much clearer. I barely managed to understand him when he cried, “Don’t they know Halloween should be a national holiday?!”

“You should call my professors and yell at them.”

He actually considered it for a moment, but then returned the same silly intonation, “Maybe I will.”

“Do it. You’re probably more qualified than them to teach me, anyway.”

After a short silence that was filled with more sexual tension than I’d expected considering how the phone call started, I heard Spencer gruffly comment, “You’re a cocky little brat tonight.”

It was so familiar to me that I jumped on the opportunity, giggling through my sleep deprived delirium, “I’m in rare form for your birthday.”

The explanation earned me a chuckle, but not much else. At least, not that I could see. The static on the other end of the phone sounded a lot like the way it looked when Spencer leaned his face against his palm and tried to see something that wasn’t there.

But I was there. Sort of. We’d done a lot more with a lot less, after all. So, that’s what I offered him.

“You know… we could have a redo of the last time I called you late at night on a case.”

“That did not end well for me last time,” he droned. I tried not to laugh at the manufactured memory of Spencer holed up in a hotel bathroom because he just had to have me in whatever way he could.

“Only happy endings for your birthday. I promise.”

But then, as it always did, work got in the way. Filled with only the greatest sadness and regret, Spencer quietly but honestly replied, “As much as I would love to, I don’t think it’ll be possible on this case.”

“Is it that bad?”

“Unfortunately.”

I bit my lip because there was nothing I could do. I couldn’t help Spencer with his work any more than I could fix the distance. All I could offer him was a safe home to return to. He would always find that with me.

“Well, in that case, I will be equipped with cartoons and kisses upon your return,” I offered with grace.

But I wasn’t the only one in rare form. Without skipping a beat, Spencer corrected with a smug sadness, “You mean your return. Considering you’re abandoning me on my birthday.”

“Oh my god, the drama!” I cried before remembering that it was, still, in fact, 3AM. The light grimace I gave after remembering would be the only apology my neighbors would get from me. I was too busy building a narrative happy enough to drown out the horrors in front of him. “You’d think I was the one who was away all the time.”

“I’m allowed to be selfish; it’s my birthday,” he sang, and I soaked in the sound, storing it away for any rainy days.

“Fine. What do you want, brat?” I asked in the worst attempt at an impression I’d ever given.

He was just waiting for the question. Drawing out the first couple of syllables, he laughed through the stupidest birthday wish of all time.

“I want… you to go to bed.”

“Ugh!” I yelled again, not even bothering to feel bad about it that time. My exasperation fell on deaf ears, both from a willful desire to ignore my suffering and a literal ringing from the constant yelling.

Still, that impossible man drummed up enough compassion to gloat with a simple, “I love you.”

“I love you, too, jerk,” I grumbled, only to be swiftly corrected with a playful, “Try that again.”

“I love you, too, old man.”

He was satisfied enough with that answer, despite the sarcasm dripping from it. He still knew that the words were true, and that was all that mattered. Any punishments that might be necessary for my broken promise to behave for his birthday could always be doled out later. When the distance between us was narrowed to inches and clothes could be removed like cheap wrapping paper.

“Thank you, little girl. Sweet dreams,” he whispered, reminding me once more of just how empty my bed felt without him. I stared at his pillow for just one second before I threw myself into it. He chuckled at the sound of rustling sheets over the receiver but said nothing else.

“You get some sleep tonight, too, okay?” I asked, uncharacteristically and openly vulnerable in a way that used to scare me.

Spencer’s voice was filled with pride and love as he answered, “You can’t see it, but I am giving you a pinky promise.”

“Good.” Burying my face in his pillow again made it easier to remember that it wouldn’t be forever when I said, “Bye, Spencer.”

“Goodnight, little girl.”

—————————————————

Autumn on campus felt pretty similar to the rest of the year. I wished that it were different, a little more exciting, to reflect how I felt about the impending holiday. But no, it was just students stumbling into their usual classes and hectically scheduled midterms with hangovers and a total lack of holiday cheer.

It was, in a few words, a complete bummer. The only thing that kept me going through the last of my exams was the knowledge that I’d be seeing Spencer. Unfortunately, he was still doing that rather annoying thing where he refused to answer my text messages. It wasn’t until he ignored even my most ridiculous threats that I realized something was going on.

The ‘Read’ notification sat menacingly on my screen, and I was so fixated on it that I almost didn’t notice the familiar mop of brown curls visible in the front row of the auditorium. But once I saw it, the phone was forgotten faster than ever before. I ran down the steps at a ridiculously dangerous pace, dodging the others still grumbling from their previous exams.

I landed in front of him with only enough breath left to sneer, “You’re in my seat.”

“Surprise,” he said with my favorite smug, self-assured smile.

“Adorable. Now move,” I ordered with a wave of my hand. As much as I loved the guy, I wasn’t about to change my seating arrangement for him. It was beginning to make sense, though, why my friend told me that she wouldn’t be sitting with me today.

“Fine,” he sighed, taking his sweet time moving seats and watching me happily bounce on my feet in the meantime. I snuck behind him into the seat before he’d even fully stood up. That little amount of friction between our bodies seemed to be enough to cause the tension to mount. It’d only been seconds, but I was already seriously considering abandoning the class. To hell with the professor who’d already seen me.

But Spencer’s eyes locked on mine, and he leaned onto the armrest with that same silly smirk.

“It’s a workday, Dr. Reid,” I whispered, forcing my arm next to his and watching the way his pupils grew as I came closer.

“I might have pulled a few strings,” he replied just as quietly, keeping the illusion of secrecy despite many prying eyes around us, “Might’ve told Hotch I was invited.”

“But you weren’t,” I snorted.

Spencer’s head hung in just a little bit of shame, but his wide smile never waned. It was still there, bright and pure in its simplicity as he softly admitted, “Yeah. I lied. But I’m here now.”

There were no complaints about that fact, either. His pinky reached out to mine, twining together in the dim light of the auditorium. Somehow, for a brief second, I forgot about everything else. The noisy chatter meant nothing to me, the two of us lost in some alternate pocket universe that felt safe and warm from the cold air outside.

But time resumed, and I watched as Spencer took his eyes off of me first, turning instead to the lecturer watching us with a knowing glint in his eyes.

“Good morning everyone! We have a special guest with us today.”

I wanted to pay attention to his little introduction, but I couldn’t. Every word that was said about him sounded so clinical. It felt so empty compared to the truth I knew about him. He was so much more than a collection of publications and PhDs.

He was… indescribable. Even as his mouth formed a flat line and his awkward handshake was granted to the crowds of disinterested students, all I saw was the man I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. Even if it was only from the shadows of his greatness. Then again, I don’t think he’d ever let me feel that way.

Speaking of…

"Dr. Reid, the only thing I ask is for you to give these wonderful students a chance to show you what they know,” my professor started with a laugh before he so kindly continued, “So go easy on them."

In any other situation, I might have let it slide. I would have accepted the fact that Spencer was far beyond my intellect and not stand up for myself. But this time, Spencer was on my turf.

"All due respect to Dr. Reid, I don't think he needs to go easy on us,” I called from the front row, only audible to the other dutiful students that cared enough to sit up front. I heard Spencer laugh beside me, shaking his head just a little bit at the challenge. He didn’t say anything though, and I returned my eyes to the professor who was already familiar with my antics as I boasted, "At least not on me."

While Spencer caught on to the fairly obvious double entendre, shifting his crossed legs closer, the professor just wrote it off as my usual academic pride.

“I did try to warn you that that one might get competitive,” he commented. At this point, everyone had definitely figured out my relation to the man next to me. It was kind of hard to hide a bullet wound from your school. But again, I was so caught up in the man beside me that I didn’t even feel a little shame at their playful teasing.

Spencer’s commentary was the only thing that mattered, and he gave it with a dreamy sigh. "I'm not offended at all. I'm sure she's very clever."

The little bit of light left in the room started to fade, and once I was shrouded by the shadows, I felt confident enough in my plan to dig through the bag at my feet to pull out probably the nerdiest item in it.

A fucking back-up clicker. Which, I promptly handed to the man beside me.

“You’re in seat B4,” I whispered gruffly, earning yet another snarky chuckle from my boyfriend.

“Is that a challenge?”

I didn’t answer. Not him, anyway. What I did answer was the question that had appeared on the screen.

“Ms. (Y/n)?” My professor called, recognizing my seat number without even looking up.

Luckily for me, today was nothing but a review day of the midterm I’d already taken. While I knew all of the questions and, what I’d hoped were the right answers, Spencer had to read the questions from scratch. Really, it didn’t give me an edge. It just put us on equal playing ground.

As I gave my answer, I watched in my peripherals as Spencer’s eyes narrowed and tongue peeked out from lips that I still hadn’t gotten the chance to kiss today.

It was a bad thing to think about, because my brief reverie of the things that mouth was capable of reminded me of another one. I didn’t even notice another question had appeared on the screen, and when I heard the familiar buzz of an attempted answer, I shared my Professor’s temporary confusion.

“Ah, Dr. Reid,” he laughed, probably already regretting welcoming the bastard here, “Please explain the answer.”

But there was another thing working in my favor: My boyfriend’s giant fucking ego. Really, it should be impossible that someone who was normally super insecure could enjoy showing off as much as he did. My professor didn’t mind, because Spencer’s long-winded answer was a wonderful review of… basically the entire course, and I didn’t mind because it granted me the one thing I needed.

Time. Time to slowly remove my jacket and reveal the sweater underneath. Spencer’s eyes caught the motion, glancing over only a couple of times while he managed to give his answer. It wasn’t until I started to remove the sweater that he cut his answer short.

His throat clearing told me he wanted my attention, but I was still just too distracted for him. I fanned my chest that felt warm for reasons other than the temperature of the room, guaranteeing his eyes would stay there long enough for me to catch the next question before he had a chance.

Or so I thought. Because before the question appeared, I made the positively stupid mistake of meeting his gaze. As soon as I did, my mind was stuck there, drowning in molasses and honey and—

“Dr. Reid, please feel free to continue to do my job for me. Lord knows I would love a break,” the professor joked, and I almost felt guilty for just how genuine he sounded. Not like Spencer would have noticed passive aggression if it existed.

Not like either of us would have cared. Per usual, we were so lost in the space of B4 and B5 that we didn’t care about the rest of the alphabet. All we cared about was winning. It was growing more and more obvious to me, though, that I would have to become a little more ruthless if I wanted to bring down the bona fide genius.

The sound of his voice rang through the auditorium loud, clear, and confident. He didn’t need to worry if he was right or not, because he knew he was. The smugness was grating to my ears. I knew I couldn’t trick him into making a mistake, but there was one thing I could do.

I’d learned one thing very well in my time with Spencer, and that was how to manipulate that pretty little voice of his.

For example, if I wanted to hear it catch in his throat and come out a few pitches higher, all I would have to do is touch him. The riskier the touch, the higher his voice would go. Which was why I spread out the jacket over my lap, making sure that our legs were close enough that it covered him, too. Then I waited, calmly and kindly listening to him drone along until there was a natural enough inflection to hide evidence of any nefarious actions. Just as his voice started to rise, I slid my hand over his knee.

Spencer barely stuttered, just enough for me to know he was affected, but not enough for anyone else to notice. He took the loss with grace, quickly ending his answer with a summary that contained only half as many words as he would have normally provided.

He kept a few for me.

“What do you think you’re doing?” he hissed, shifting close enough to me that I could feel his breath on my ear.

“All’s fair in love and war,” I hummed. His breath caught again when I began stroking my thumb over his leg that had just started to bounce.

“This is wildly inappropriate.”

“How perceptive,” I returned with my own little smirk. The interaction caught us both, trapping us in the alternate dimension that existed when we held each other. His hand found its way to mine, and his thumb brushed over the back and sent goosebumps shooting over my skin.

I’d practically abandoned our pursuits altogether when I heard my friend’s voice as she took the question that we’d both missed. I should’ve been upset for losing after all that I’d gone through for my strategy to succeed, but it was hard to feel anything other than butterflies when Spencer was still looking at me like that.

Even when I looked away, he stayed, patiently waiting for me to take the final question in the review. I granted him a chance to take it, but he just shook his head, implicitly asking me to take the win for the both of us. Even when we were competing, we were always on the same team.

There were no more distractions as I explained the answer as simply as I could. I was positive the rest of the class was tired of hearing our voices, but Spencer never stopped smiling. I could feel the pride rolling off of him, his hand growing tighter around mine as he took in a deep breath.

“Very good, (y/n),” my professor announced, signaling the end and initiating a large sigh of relief from everyone else.

Spencer sighed too, although his was with a different kind of relief; a dreamy, soft sound as he muttered under his breath, “Just like I said. Very clever.”

The air felt positively electric, and I never hated my class more than I did in that moment. The rest of the period ticked by so slowly that I almost swore the clocks were broken. Once we were allowed to leave, Spencer insisted on sticking around to thank the professor for his hospitality.

I knew it was necessary, but that didn’t mean I had to like it. I tried to be as patient as possible, even though it seemed pointless. Spencer’s little grin told me he knew very well what he was doing. The conversation had dragged on for practically five minutes of agony while I idled by the door.

But then my professor passed, and I felt the adrenaline course through my veins in seconds. As anticipated, we didn’t even make it out of the building before the tension broke. We’d barely even made it down the goddamn hallway before I shoved his scrawny ass into the first empty classroom I found. Once the door clicked shut behind us, the roles were quickly reversed.

I hadn’t seen him that excited in so long that I’d almost forgotten how easy it was to get swept up in his undertow. I couldn’t keep track of his hands or his mouth as they marked any bare skin they could find. But no matter how frantic and uncoordinated the movements were, they never ceased to send chills down my spine.

“This is wildly inappropriate, Dr. Reid,” I managed to slur between sloppy, heated kisses. It was barely comprehensible through the pent-up lust that had driven us there in the first place, but it still felt worth saying.

Spencer, however, made his feelings very clear with a gruff, forceful, “I don’t care.”

His hands were already roaming over my hips, pulling me so close to the edge that I nearly fell off the counter entirely. While I was laughing at his haste, he was busy leaving angry marks on my collarbone, pulling the top of my shirt down to grant him more access. And despite how badly my body burned with desire and need, I drummed up just enough self-preservation to force out a few, regrettable words.

“Take me home.”

Even though I tried to make it sound more seductive than a normal request to stop, it brought the momentum to a halt. Spencer immediately stopped his kisses, but let his hands continue to stroke loving patterns over the sides of my thighs.

“Don’t you have other classes?” he asked. The feeling of his breath against my ears making me second-guess my already voiced decision. But as enticing as the idea was of having him now, having already waited over a week, I knew we could have so much more fun with a little bit of privacy.

“Don’t you have work?” I teased, hoping that it would spur him to take the action we both knew was safer. At the same time, I couldn’t stop myself from wanting to poke fun at the academic in him.

“Unless this is your way of telling me you've always wanted to fuck a girl in a lab because, I must admit I'd be more than happy to oblige."

Spencer’s whole body tensed as he imagined just what it would feel like to take me in such a public place. After a couple seconds that I can only imagine were filled with fantasies and a reasonable fear, he pulled me from my seat on the counter and placed me back on the ground.

“Let’s go,” he said, pulling me by my wrist towards the door.

I only barely managed to stop him with both hands on his arm. He turned back to look at me like I’d done some horrible thing, but I was too busy trying to stop the laughter that was spilling from my chest.

“You’re uh—” I cleared my throat, pointing to the very noticeable tent in his slacks before I keened through the giggles, “You’re gonna have to do something about that.”

With a quick glance down, Spencer remembered the very unfortunately obvious trait of the male anatomy. “Fuck,” he stated plainly.

I couldn’t resist.

“I mean, I’m down,” I joked one final time.

“Shut up!” Spencer laughed, too, trying and failing to adjust himself in his pants while I just enjoyed the show.

After all, we both knew that once we were alone, he would get a reprieve from my ridicule. He would get whatever he wanted.

—————————————————

The chaotic clashing of hands and mouths continued seconds after we’d reached our destination. The empty apartment had all of the sounds of our desperation echoing back to us, and after soaking in the melodious noise for a few seconds, I snapped back to reality.

“Okay, she doesn’t get home for another 30 minutes at the earliest so, we’d better hurry,” I urged, trying to shove Spencer off of me to convince him to move. It barely worked, with his arms clutching tighter the harder I struggled to get away.

Wrapped together just like that, the two of us barely made it a few feet before we almost tumbled to the ground. That was just enough of a reminder of our lack of coordination for Spencer to finally, begrudgingly, release me. Kind of. His hand still held tight to mine, and our laughter still combined the whole way to our bed.

From there, Spencer felt confident in our privacy to answer, “That’s fine. I usually tear open my gifts pretty quickly.”

It was a very good metaphor for the way his hands worked over my clothes. I didn’t even try to pinpoint the moment where being naked no longer made me feel nervous. I let the scar tissue show because neither of us were going to look at it, anyway. We were too caught up in the slight shifts and nuances of our faces as we rushed towards our one mutual goal.

“I missed you,” I mumbled, the words feeling as natural as breathing itself.

“I missed you, too,” he returned, and I felt the raw emotion, the sincerity and desire in every syllable. But once it was over and he had finally managed to remove everything but my underwear, all that was left was an all-encompassing, mind-altering level of lust.

“God, watching you in class was so fucking frustrating,” he strained, his upper lip curling with disdain as he watched my body squirm against the sheets.

“Why’s that?”

“I wanted you so badly.”

There was no denying that it was the honest truth, and I didn’t even want to try. I wanted to gloat and bask in the confirmation that his presence was dangerous for my academic career. Not to mention my sanity.

“Like I said. You’re very distracting.”

Then, to prove my point, that brilliant bastard shoved his hand under the band of my underwear. He only held me softly for one second before he slid his fingers through the slickness and thrust them roughly into me. It hadn’t been that long, but the emptiness I felt before was even more apparent now that I had any part of him inside of me again.

“Am I?” he chimed with a smile.

I wanted to be bratty, to fight the tension that was building and appear unfazed by his ministrations, but there was simply no pretending. Not when my body was already on the verge of spasming around his fingers that seemed to stroke the perfect place within me with every movement.

“Jesus Christ,” I sighed. I should’ve known better than to give him ammunition.

“You’ve resorted to blasphemy already?”

Spencer partnered the tease with a ruthless thrust, burying his fingers to the knuckle inside of me and holding them there. He waited until I ran out of breath and struggled to take another while also trying not to scream in a mixture of frustration and devastating need for more.

“I thought I told you we had to hurry?”

“We’ve got time,” he shot back without pause, “You’re just being a needy little brat.”

“Yes, I am,” I whined just as quickly, “I’m a fucking brat and I need you.”

He almost seemed disappointed in my compliance. His fingers began moving again, eliciting noises that were louder, higher, and sweeter after the anticipation. He tried to draw the attitude out of me by stopping again, waiting for a quip that didn’t come.

“Awww, no fight?” he cooed.

“I can’t. It’s your birthday,” I grumbled before biting my tongue. The pressure was becoming so unbearable I thought I might honestly draw blood. But after another few seconds of torture that felt like a lifetime, Spencer withdrew his hand completely.

He was testing the limits, watching how far I would let him go before begging. But even when he took the same soaked fingers and began rubbing me from the outside of my underwear, I only opened my mouth to steal quick, soft breaths and give pitiful whines.

“Oh, I like this…” he laughed, apparently having gotten past his concern about my sudden compliance, “I could get used to you behaving.”

The song-like cadence got to me, threatening to spark and ignite everything I was holding back. I almost bit back. I almost let the desire scorch my throat with a few choice words for the very rude genius, but I didn’t. The only thing that stopped me was the feel of cotton sliding down my thighs as he removed the final barrier between us.

“You’d miss my misbehaving,” I said with a chuckle. The sound mixed with another, a deep moan that filled my chest when I felt him press himself against my entrance. My back arched, causing him to slip inside of me just enough for us to both lose our words.

“I don’t know…”

If I’d wanted to say anything, my mouth wouldn’t have let me. It was too busy singing his praise while simultaneously begging him to silence it. My lips floundered for a kiss that he hung just far enough away from me to deny. Satisfaction was painted over every feature as he started to enter me, brushing his lips against my mouth every few seconds just to pull away before I was granted the intimacy I sought.

“You do look rather cute when you’re begging.”

It was strange, the way my body started to predict his movements. I met him in the middle of every motion, and I swore even our breath became synchronized in its rapid firing. It wasn’t until his hand rested over my throat we broke the rhythm. I wasn’t going to complain, letting the energy flow down my spine that arched towards him on instinct. His hips never stopped, and I could tell by the way his breath hitched and his fingers grew tighter around my neck that the new angle was as wonderful for him as it was for me.

“You look so sweet when you let go of every ounce of self-preservation and dignity you have and put your life in my hands,” he whispered with an affection that almost seemed odd considering the context. But then there was something else in his moans, a genuine gentleness that made my already arrhythmic heart beat faster.

“You know I’ll take care of you, don’t you?” he asked as his movements stayed calm and careful. Loving and safe.

I didn’t even notice my eyes had closed, but it ultimately didn’t matter. Because when I opened them, I saw the same man that existed in every image behind my eyelids. The only indication he got that I was still capable of communication was the gentle curve of my lips that dropped open in a pleased sigh as his hips continued a slow, tender pace.

It still felt like too much, but not in a bad way. It was too much in the sense that I was reminded once again just how ruined he’d made me. And the smug little shit knew it, too.

“You don’t have a single thought in that pretty little head, do you?” he cooed, dragging his hand up the column of my throat to force his fingers against my tongue. True to my word, I didn’t try to fight back. I soaked the digits that still tasted like me with my jaw left open. His pupils dilated as he watched the spit pool in my mouth that awaited his instruction.

“You just want to be used. Like the perfect little doll you are.”

Unlike my own, his smile was more of a smirk. A crooked, ever so slightly wicked quirk that made my muscles tense around him in their own version of an affirmative answer. He took it, happily. His body crashed into mine, but it merely felt like an extension of myself returning home like the waves meeting the shore. I could feel him claiming his rightful place at the deepest parts of me, making his home with every powerful motion of his hips.

I could hardly breathe, let alone think. I didn’t want to. It felt unnecessary.

“My sweet little girl,” he muttered with an unbelievably chaste kiss in the center of my forehead, “You’d do anything to make your daddy happy.”

I felt detached from myself in a way that didn’t feel me with fear or pain. I could feel myself through his hands, strong and working the pliable flesh of my thighs as he held them up so that he could drive into me harder.

His eyes, also only half open, burned with intensity. I could feel the determination, the undying desire to grant me a serenity that no one else could. His need for me to feel safe and loved with the seemingly contradictory brutality.

But it wasn’t contradictory. The power behind every movement, the insistence on being as close to me as he possibly could, might have caused some physical pain, but it was nothing compared to the pleasure of sharing this space with him. Of sharing my body with him just to see what he would do with it. I already knew, but I wanted to feel it again and again. Because with each stroke of his hand and thrust of his hips, I felt it.

Spencer had free rein to do whatever he wanted, and he chose to love me.

“I’m so close. You know what I want,” he pleaded despite holding all of the power. He handed it to me with a low groan, trying to kiss my lips while he commanded, “Do it. Come for me.”

My body obeyed his command, falling to pieces around him with shockwaves breaking over every inch of me. My vision went white, crafting a halo of light around him as he also found himself reaching a peak that seemed different than the times we’d shared before.

I tried to figure out what had changed, what about this time made it unique. But as the euphoria faded, all I saw staring back at me was the same face as always, radiating a joy and understanding that warmed damp, chilly skin. Spencer’s release provided a similar warmth within me, and my body clung to him even tighter despite the exhaustion.

My breathing took its time to even out, but I was in no rush to leave him. I would have stayed like that forever, with Spencer covering me like the silliest, boniest blanket. If it wasn’t for the dead weight he eventually dropped on me, we probably would’ve spent the whole day lost in the covers. But he could thank the scars for me being a little less forgiving.

Of course, thankful is not the word to describe him at all. Whiny was more like it. Even as I turned our bodies together so that I would still be sitting on his lap, he did nothing but groan and bitch about it. That is, until I silenced him with a kiss that barely brushed over his lips.

That was enough to turn his frown back to the dopey smile I loved so much.

“Happy birthday, old man,” I purred, enjoying the way his hands grabbed me tighter at the loving nickname. But age wasn’t what was on his mind. I could see it in the way his eyes tore past my defenses and he held me closer like we could actually become one if he tried hard enough.

“I’m so in love with you, it’s infuriating,” he whispered.

“I’ve heard that one before.”

Spencer wasn’t in a joking mood, though. All of his humor seemed to be expended earlier in the day, and now he was just left with all the mushy, romantic innards that I normally kept at bay.

It wasn’t that bad, though, I thought as his hands framed my face so our foreheads would touch. There were worse things to be trapped with.

“It’s true,” he mumbled with his voice still high and slurred together, “I look at you and there is just… nothing that can be said that would ever explain the way it feels.”

“Gross,” I joked.

“Get used to it,” he returned. And if that wasn’t enough to make me laugh, he stuck his tongue out in the most childish display I’d seen from him since he’d fucking licked my hand on our picnic. It was also just charming enough that I was willing to let the sappy stuff slide.

“I’ll be nice to you this time,” I grumbled. “But also, speaking of time, you’d better hurry up if you don’t want to do the walk of shame with an audience.”

Spencer’s arms fell limp with a dramatic cry before he used them to cover his face once more.

“Ugh. Go,” he ordered. Despite his words, he still made me fight against greedy hands to wrestle my way out of bed. It would have been smarter to let me go quickly. I really don’t know what he was thinking, but he would learn his mistake soon enough. Because as I was finishing up in the bathroom, I heard a very amused voice chiming down the hall on the other side of the door.

“Good afternoon, Spencer.”

I debated not opening the door and freeing Spencer from the unbelievably uncomfortable position he’d just found himself in, but ultimately decided it was too cruel. Still, the stalling had taken up enough time that the poor guy felt compelled to reply.

And, of course, the only thing he could think to say was a pathetic, high pitched, “Hi.”

Somehow managing to contain the absolutely riotous laughter I felt in my gut, I opened the door with the straightest face I could muster.

It wasn’t enough. Spencer saw the pleasure I took in his humiliation and practically shoved me out of the bathroom to take my place behind the doors. While I found the action endearing in the most awkward way, my roommate was mostly just confused about how the fuck I’d managed to find someone as stupid as me.

“I didn’t know he was coming,” she said once she managed to smile at the silly situation.

Clearing my throat, I tried to sound sincere in my bullshit apology. “Me either, sorry.”

In a way, I think the fact I couldn’t pull myself together worked in my favor. Normally, she would have scolded me (albeit playfully) for not alerting her of what she might be walking in on, but this time, she just tried to withhold the smile that still stretched over her cheeks despite her best efforts.

“You’re fine,” she sighed, giving in to the desire to go against her usual grumpy demeanor before retreating to her own room. “Have fun, you hooligans.”

Once her door clicked shut, I heard shuffling on the other side of the door next to me. Spencer’s shadow was visible from the light peeking out underneath, and I waited a few more restless seconds before I announced, “You can come out now, Spencer.”

Cautiously, the door creaked open just enough for his head to poke out and confirm that I wasn’t trying to trick him.

“I’ve never been a hooligan before,” he said with a bounce in his step and his eyebrows halfway up his face. To think that he was the same man who threatened to arrest me for existing at a nightclub was, in a word, hilarious.

“Well, good news for you,” I purred, and the sound must have reminded him of my more devilish nature, because his jubilance quickly shifted back to an obvious anxiety. I wrapped my arms around him even when it meant that his muscles tensed, dragging him down so I could whisper in his ear, “I was just about to ask if you wanted to help me play hooky.”

“And do what?”

It felt strange to say that I hadn’t really thought about it. That the second I’d seen him I knew that the day would be good and free and fun. That everything felt so perfectly fine that I didn’t even want to challenge it with a schedule.

Spencer looked at me, his answer apparent in the way he started to relax the longer we stayed wrapped up in a shitty apartment hallway. It didn’t matter what I said. Spencer would have followed me, just like I would have done for him.

And without the angst or uncertainty of what could go wrong, there was only one thing left for us to do. With a shrug and pout, I proposed the riskiest plan we’d had yet.

“Whatever we want.”

—————————————————

| Finale |

#spencer reid #spencer reid fanfic #spencer reid fanfiction #spencer reid smut #spencer reid imagine #here to misbehave #h2m #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid x y/n #spencer reid x you #spencer reid series #reid series #spencer reid request #criminal minds self insert #criminal minds smut #dr spencer reid #reid request

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positivityfortoday · 3 years

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☀ PositivityForToday’s 10K Celebration ☀

There are SO many things worth living for and reasons to smile and be happy! With the help of my lovely followers/friends, I have compiled a list of 1,000 things that make people happy, for my 10,000 amazing followers! Hopefully, this list is able to help you, make you feel better, or give you a reason to smile today!

☀ 1,000 Happy Things ☀

Seeing cows while driving

Moss on really old fallen trees

Seeing a lil baby you don't know in public, and they smile at you!!!

Parents doing their kids hair or just people doing someone they care about’s hair

Really ragged old and well-loved stuffed animals

When the dandelions start blooming

Spring blossom

Daffodils

Bluebells

Sharks

When you're sitting outside your house or something and people passing by wave and say hi

That feeling in the summer when you have your window open and you're listening to your favorite music

When someone does a hobby just because they enjoy it even if they aren't the best at it

Comfort shows and books

People speaking their native languages

When my brother gets something to eat and always gets me something he knows I like

When I finish a crossword

When I see something that reminds me of someone I care about

Paintings

My best friend (I love her so much shhhh don't tell her)

My dog! I love him

My little sisters! Adorable, creative, and very witty. I love them

Music! I get the happy shaky feelings and just,,, y e a h/listening to songs

Singing! Especially for band practice!

Sunlight beams in the morning

The moon

Eagles

That feeling when you’re with friends and you’re all laughing so loudly, and you just feel complete

Talking to my favorite people/talking to my best friend

Sunrises and sunsets

Seeing the stars

Cats

Butterflies/Moths

Snails

Warm sunshine

Purple gel pens

Hugs

My children

Sunny days

Beautiful views

Spending time with my family and friends

Playing badminton

Cycling

Playing with little kids

Playing with dogs

Whales

Animals doing daft things

Talks and walks with my son

Morning breakfast and coffee

A good spicy lunch

Laying in my bed at night and just checking on current affairs and news

My boyfriend

My friends

Art

Owls

Minecraft

Voice acting

Petting my dog

Smelling Flowers

Feeling a cold thing when I’m warm or a warm thing when I’m cold

Giving and getting kisses

Random texts from friends

Coffee flavored chocolate

Singing

Moths with big white wings

Underdone scrambled eggs

A rainy night

Bubbles

That first warm day of spring

Going on hikes

Being outdoors

Candy

Chocolate

The smell of playdoh

Taking photos

Getting new clothing

Candles

Birdwatching

Going on picnics

Writing poetry

Reading books

The holidays

Making people smile/laugh

Coffee

A nice warm blanket

Eating ice cream

Snow globes

Lightning bugs

Flowers after the snow melts

The smell of rain

Sitting on the steps early in the morning

Being the first to wake up

The feeling I get after running

The comfort of a favorite shirt

My girlfriend

Family

Random acts of kindness

Babies

When I play with my dog by pretending to run at her and she goes crazy with excitement

My cat

Rain

Baking

Piano (playing or listening)

Small flowers

Flowy skirts/dresses

Wholesome romances

Hearing a song for the first time and loving it immediately

Playing my flute

Horses

Listening to vinyls on a record player

When someone remembers a little detail about you

Painting my nails

Doing yoga

Doing exercise

Beating a personal record

Rainbows

Making crafts

Taking a shower after a long day

Going to the zoo

Going on vacation

Being at the beach or near water

Watching Netflix

Going to the movie theatre

Watching a live play at a theatre

Learning something new

Teaching someone how to do something

Toasting marshmallows and eating S’mores

Cupcakes

Seeing a shooting star

Taking a nap

When someone compliments me

Decorating my room

Picnics

My favorite band

My favorite celebrities

My favorite actors

Setting a new goal

Collecting rocks

Putting on fresh clean sheets

Seeing Christmas lights

Listening to birds chirping

Giraffes

Camping

Sitting by a bonfire

Eating mashed potatoes

Bullet journaling

Driving in the car with the windows down

Dancing

Looking at pretty pictures

Concerts

Funny jokes/puns/memes

Fireworks

Sparklers

Pretty clouds

My favorite shoes

Getting new art supplies

Making photo edits

Making gifts for my friends and family

Getting gifts from people

Balloons

Succulents

Playing an instrument

Drinking a nice cup of tea

Iced tea on a summer day

Eating fresh fruit

Getting my hair braided

Eating at a restaurant

Being on a boat

Swimming

Making new friends

Finding an animal in nature

Pumpkins and pumpkin patches

Carving pumpkins

Autumn and all the beautiful colors

Acting for theatre

Making video edits

Wearing a costume for Halloween

Dressing fancy

Finding four leaf clovers

Pressing flowers

Scrap booking

Handwritten letters

Stickers

Hummingbirds

Elephants

Eating breakfast

Gardens

Inspirational quotes

Wearing my favorite necklace

Baby animals

Little streams and ponds

Foxes

Sun shining through trees

When it’s foggy out and you can see dew drops on plants and spider webs

Being on a swing

Finally accomplishing a goal you’ve been working on

When a new season of your favorite show comes out

Doing my makeup

Cleaning and organizing

Daydreaming

Taking a bath

Christmas

Watching funny videos

Wearing sweaters and hoodies

Fuzzy socks

Helping people

Little figurines and objects

Popcorn

Brownies

Looking out the window

Wolves

Opening a window for fresh air

The smell of coffee

Watching YouTube videos

Getting a haircut

Seeing a deer in the woods

Watching birds fly

Finding shapes and objects in the clouds

The smell of fresh laundry

When someone tells me something reminded them of me

Stepping on crunchy leaves

Animal crossing

My switch

Softball/baseball

Basketball

Soccer

Seeing cool cars/old cars

Rollerblading

Drawing with chalk on a sidewalk

Going to bed early

Stargazing

Making progress

Checking things off my to-do list

Taking Polaroid pictures

Going for walks

Jogging

Going to the library

Starting a new book

Finishing a good book

Playing board games

Koalas

Slippers

Big trees

Sunlight coming through the windows

Waking up on Christmas morning

Getting book, song, movie, etc. recommendations from my friends

Making music playlists

Finally receiving packages I ordered in the mail

Baking desserts

When my favorite song comes on

When people make playlists for each other

Finding new characters to ship

Having free time

Sticky notes

Sunbathing

Traveling

Peace and quietness

Alone time

Meeting my step/exercise goal for the day

The people who love me

Soup

Coloring books

Getting into bed after a long day

Pillows

Fandoms

How unique and different everyone is

Getting a lot of work done

Looking forward to my future dream job

Playing video games

Being on Tumblr

Taking time for myself

Practicing self-care

Face masks

Finding money you forgot about

Holding hands

The smell of apple pie

Starting a new tv show

Getting letters in the mail

When the seasons change

Summer

Mugs and teacups

Smoothies

Breakfast food

Disney

Going into the woods/forest

Trying new creative outlets

The smell of sunscreen

Eating the food you’ve been craving

Knowing and feeling that people care

Telling a good story

Laughing so hard can’t stop and your stomach hurts

Late summer nights

Late night drives

Sparkles

Glitter

Listening to people I love talk about their favorite things and what they’re passionate about

Listening to podcasts

Turning up the volume of my music

Putting my headphones in

Blasting my favorite songs through my speaker

People accepting and supporting others for who they truly are

Wearing something cozy

Soft light

Love

Warm weather

A well-rested night

Waking up in the morning and feeling refreshed

Knowing that every day is a fresh start

Well written characters

A book I can get lost in

Sloths

My parents

My siblings

My grandparents

The feeling of sand beneath your feet

Heated blankets

Bagels

Toast

Getting something for free

Samples

Constellations

Mason jars

Practicing a new skill

Finding a new hobby

Lazy weekends

Mac n cheese

French fries

Having deep conversations with my best friend

New jeans

Going to IKEA

Skirts

Dresses

Doodling

When other people are happy (especially people I know and love)

Marching band

Sleeping in

Having the day off

Getting new books

Playing guitar

Playing ukulele

Random compliments

A change of scenery

Cuddling

Waking before the sun is up

Reading old letters

Zebras

Exploring

Building Lego sets

Using photoshop to make edits

Journaling

Walking along the seafront and breathing in time with the waves

A good rom-com or nostalgic show

Writing lists

Pinterest boards

Looking back at my accomplishments

Talking on the phone with a friend or family member

Wrapping presents

A blue sky

Loving someone

Waterfalls

Washi tape

Penguins

Donuts

The color yellow

Sleepovers

Cooking dinner

Kind gestures

Trust

Inside jokes

Songs that make you feel nostalgic

Seeing other people’s art

Comfy clothes

Wearing pajamas

Calligraphy

When someone calls you by your nickname

Going to Target

The first sunburn of the summer

Ramen noodles

Chinese food

Thrift shopping

Flower fields

Flowers growing in random places, like through a crack in the sidewalk

Writing

Sparkly snowflakes

When it snows on Christmas

Mixing paint colors together

Perfectly shaven legs

Puddles

The color red

Thunderstorms

The smell of flowers

The ocean

Adult sized onesies

Driving a golf cart

Fairytales

Cartoons

The color blue

Pasta

AO3

Crickets chirping

Seeing everyone’s houses decorated for the holidays, especially Christmas

Other people sharing what makes them happy

Monkeys

Being understood

When someone texts to make sure I got home safely

Iced coffee

Becoming better at communicating with others

Seeing a friend for the first time in a while

Good morning and good night texts

Drinking a cold glass of water

Deep conversations in the middle of the night

Collecting sea shells

Building blanket forts

Tan lines

Being under lots of blankets

Making better health and money choices

Getting chills from a song even after hearing it countless times

Liking how I look

Hot chocolate

Finding new music

Buying cute things

Wearing an outfit I really like

When someone tells you how glad they are to be your friend

Gardening

Watching raindrops race down a window

Trying new food

Finding exactly what I was looking for

Planning my future

Finding a song that perfectly fits my mood or describes how I’m feeling

Writing little notes to people

When someone tells me I did something good

Eating ice cream on a hot day

Making friends with animals

Going to football games

Seeing people genuinely interested in something

Snow days

The last day of school

Winter break

Spring break

Thanksgiving

New Year’s Eve

Turtles

Sitting outside on a cool summer day

Watching rain

Watching the ocean waves come in

Netflix binges

A new movie release I really want to watch

Driving with a window down for the first time in the spring

Taking a cruise

Giving helpful advice

Getting helpful advice

Doing a favor for someone who needs it

Someone referencing one of my fandoms or something I love out of no where

Learning and knowing stuff

Doing something physically challenging or scary

Listening to my bedroom fan while I fall asleep

Coming up with a new creative idea

Finding something I wanted at the store on sale for a good deal

Finishing all my assignments on time or even early

Hugging my dog

Taking my dog for a walk

Teaching my dog a new trick

When strangers stop to say hi to my dog

Listening to audiobooks

The weekend

Finding a new flavor of chapstick

Drinking Kool-Aid, it makes me feel so nostalgic

Watching nature shows on a weekend morning

Watching cartoon shows on a Sunday morning

A good TV show, most likely something I've watched before because that way I know it ends well

A good, delicious comfort meal on a Friday night by myself

A café in the city centre at noon when it's not filled with the morning rush or afternoon coffee breakers

The stars from my childhood bedroom because they're the brightest here

Listening to my favorite playlist really loud on a long road trip and singing to myself loudly in my car

Having an entire day to myself without interruptions from anyone

Opening the curtains first thing in the morning

A new jacket

Going to the cinema on a first release day because it's always super exciting and full of people anxious to see a movie they've been waiting for forever

Listening to live music

Riding roller coasters

Going to amusement parks

Lizards

Seahorses

Starfish

Eating fair food

Feeling an instrument vibrate when you’re playing it

Hearing my dog snore

When my dog dreams in his sleep

Wearing a new piece of clothing for the first time

Feeling the sun on you

Eyes in the sunlight

Seeing city lights

Singing in the shower at the top of my lungs

Looking at someone and them knowing exactly what they’re going to say

Laughing till you cry

Being under a blanket

Going to craft stores

Watching boats

The idea of traveling the world

When my dogs let me lay my head on them

Listening to an old song and having it bring back memories

Candy corn

Crazy socks

Quotes

Fall and the leaves changing color and the crisp feeling in the air

Making snowmen

Making gingerbread houses for Christmas

Making videos with family

Burning a candle

Booping a dog’s nose

Getting letters/notes from people; writing them

Snow globes

Dr. Pepper

Doc martens

Fortune cookies

Potatoes

Easter

Finishing something

Skipping rocks

Warm rain

When someone opens up to you

Finding the right words to say exactly what you wanted

Animal footprints

Eating outside

Fairy lights

The smell of a hotel

Windows

Meeting a new dog

Dolphins

Getting magazines in the mail

Being in the woods as the sun starts to rise and the animals wake up

Warm days

Adirondack chairs

A warm breeze

Clothes and blankets hanging outside to dry

Feeding birds

Aquariums

The color green

Tie dying things

Going to art museums

Going to science museums

New albums from my favorite artists

Seeing moss in nature

Finding cute little mushrooms

When a dog wags its tail a bunch and is excited to see me

Playing fetch with my dog

Obsessing over something and having someone to talk about it with

Going on a walk with my best friend and talking about life

Looking at old pictures and reminiscing on good memories

Reading a book that's so good your brain wants to read faster than it can

Laughing with friends about the weirdest things

Being appreciated for doing small things you wouldn't even have thought about yourself because it's something you *just do*

Being creative

Watching animals

A story I can't put down

Stretching

The moment when you listen to a new song/album by your favourite artist

When you're at a concert and anticipating the moment before the band comes out

When at a concert and they play your favourite song live

The moment when someone compliments your outfit

When you see someone wearing merch of something you like

Seeing the sunrise/sunset

Watching the sun rise out of the water or sink down into it as it’s setting

This ecstatic feeling in general when you're just living in the moment with people who love something as much as you do

Hugging my cat and smelling his fur

Listening to my music by myself and singing to it

Making edits I’m really proud of

Losing hours in a good book or fanfiction

Writing sentences that I actually like

My siblings and my parents when they're being chill and funny

Watching my favorite tv shows and movies and yelling about them into the void

Finding a new good song

Fresh out of the shower + fresh clean sheets feeling when you go to bed

When I come downstairs in the morning and my dog greets me right at the bottom step with her lil’ tail wagging

Knowing that if I ever needed someone to chat with, someone would be there to lend an ear

Tigers

Lions

When you shuffle your music and the exact song you want to hear plays

When all my family is around the outdoor fire on a summer’s evening

When my nieces and nephews give me squishy kid hugs

Being home alone and being able to cook or bake in the kitchen without disruption

Driving around with a friend in the evenings and just belting our favorite songs

Seaside walks

Disney World

Seeing live theatre

The sun shining on leaves and stone buildings

Dancing when I'm alone

Color-coordinating my outfit

Floating on my back in the sea

The smell of summer nights

The smell of winter mornings

Colorful things/environments

Bunnies

Walking along lakes/rivers/the sea

Spending time in nature

Taking care of my plants

Giving affection to my loved ones

Listening to other people's stories

Reading about people I've never met before or places I've never visited before (especially if they are now just a part of history)

Embroidering

Pandas

Swimming in a river or the sea

Stargazing (my favorite moments usually happen an hour before sunrise)

White-caged-bird

Feeling the breeze when I spin and my heartbeat when I dance for an hour at a time

All the wonderful smells of flowers and colours that nature has to offer

Sharing good laughter with someone

Feeling like I belong

Travelling and discovering new customs of different cultures

Hiking or foraging

That feeling when I'm approaching the end of a really good book and I let myself be engulfed by the fact that it's a unique experience, that I'll never experience as the first time again

Observing my local fauna

Petting and taking care of an animal (double the joy if it is friendly with strangers)

Drinking a good cup of honey tea

Finding a perfume that suits me

Eating something sweet

Enjoying a meal with others

Cat paws tapping on the floor

Dipping a biscuit into tea

Trying to catch leaves falling from the tree

Having sunlight hit your face when you’re napping

Objects that cast a rainbow when the sun shines through them

Seeing patterned shadows

Ambient mood lighting

Sleeping

Wearing jewelry

Cheese

Playing chess

Fresh air

Going somewhere new

My Mom’s cooking

Being inspired

When someone holding your hand rubs their thumb lovingly in circles

Picking strawberries

Otters

Painting the walls of my room

Wind chimes

Seeing that your favorite people are active online

Finally understanding something you were struggling with

The excitement you get when someone reblogs your writing or art

Getting a new notebook or journal

Appreciation

Validation

When someone tells you they love you and mean it

The smell of freshly baked bread

When my dog falls asleep on me

Making new online friends

Found family

Finishing cleaning my room

When someone lays their head on your shoulder

Doing something right on the first try

Finally sitting down after standing for a long time

Getting goosebumps from hearing or seeing something you love

Seeing a gorgeous view

Loving someone and them loving you back

Freshly baked gooey cookies

When a song comes on and everyone starts singing

When I’m out for a run and it’s hot and it starts raining. Nothing makes me feel more like a human than getting caught in the rain on a run

Swimming in the ocean

When people are talking about something they really love and get carried away trying to explain it all to you

Puppies

Being in the middle of nowhere and actually getting to see the whole sky of stars that you never get to see in a city

Finding people that love the same things you do

When something silly reminds you of someone you love; like every time I see an orange and green gummy worm I think of my sister

When you’re hugging someone and they squeeze you a little bit before they let go

Weather where you can leave all the windows open in your house

Trampolines

Driving with no destination in mind

Falling asleep to the sound of rain

Hearing other people laugh

Laughing only because you hear someone else laugh and it's just so contagious

The first snowfall of the year

Disney movies

Listening to someone tell stories and they have like 15 side stories in between the main one

Romantic movies

Bubble baths

Smiling between kisses

Wearing sweatpants

A clean house

Pizza

My computer

Cheesy pickup lines

When people tell me they miss me

Cool spring mornings after a storm

My job

Butterflies

New shoes

Oversized shoes

Caramel apples

Volunteering

Meditating

Running my blog

Finding sea glass at the beach

Getting my nails done

Planning vacation

Hot cider

Telling people I love them

Writing in my gratitude journal

Eating homegrown vegetables, fruit, and herbs

Remembering a good dream I had

Happy endings

Colored pens

Decorating for the holidays

Finishing a really good tv show

Leopards

Summer rain

Thunderstorms where I can just open my window to the full extent and just watch and listen

Calls with my best friend

Seeing a meme and sending it to my friends

Getting an email from AO3

That moment when you get an idea for creating something

Walking barefoot on the grass

Sending thank you notes

Writing events I’m looking forward to on my calendar

Dippin' Dots

Spicy food

Seeing a full moon

Eating cookie dough

Eating seasonal food

Bubble wrap

Going to the car wash and getting rainbow soap

Dark chocolate

Soft blankets

Weighted blankets

Soft drinks with crushed ice

When I get an unexpected phone call from someone I love

Wearing flip flops

Longer daylight hours

Having a BBQ

Frosting cookies

Making cupcakes in the microwave

Watching the Hallmark channel during the holidays

Taking selfies or photos with people I love

Putting on lotion

The smell of a baby’s head

The Office

Online shopping

The smell of freshly cut grass

Surprising my family or friends

Looking at the clock when it’s 11:11

Being productive

Quilts

Doing good on an exam

Someone doing a favor for me (especially when I didn’t ask)

Eating pancakes with syrup

Origami

Sprinkles

Confetti

Waving at people

Giving high fives

Complicated Handshakes between you and your best friend

Naps/feeling well-rested

Eating one of my favorite foods

Hearing good news from/about a friend or family member

Looking at nature (these days it's seeing squirrels in my neighbour's garden and looking at my plants and trees)

When make someone happy or feel like I made a difference (including a satisfied client)

Success (good grades, a gifset that does well)

Hugs from my mom

Learning new things

Chatting with my friends because they’re all amazing people

Group watches of my favorite tv show or movie

That feeling when the house has just been cleaned/when I’m freshly showered

Making jokes/laughing with people

Reading fluffy fanfics

Driving on the road to a destination far away, I love the trip as much as (if not more than) arriving at the actual place

Reading affirmations

Green tea

Getting breakfast or lunch from a nice restaurant

Learning about topics that won’t benefit me; like Chinese history, geography, ancient flora and fauna, etc. just things that I find cool

The jokes my girlfriend makes, especially when they’re the same ones she always makes

Stories from the past! Stories from history from people who actually lived through it

Stories in general, just hearing the life experiences of people in completely different positions from me. I love hearing people’s stories

Drawing intricate things, like old buildings, landscapes, and plants

Cooking a nice meal

Grocery shopping and farmers markets especially

My cat! All of her weird little habits too, like how she stands in front of my feet so I’ll push her where she wants to go

Botanical gardens

State parks

Museums

Art galleries

Listening to stories my grandparents tell

When people tell me about their life goals and dreams

Being surrounded by the people I love

Living the best life I can

Partying hard the night away

Daydreaming

Sunflowers always make me smile

Warm tea

Big fluffy clouds in a blue sky

Friendly babies

Hearing a past favorite song

Singing karaoke

Biking riding

Helping others

Chocolate milk

Sweets and fruits

Having fun doing things I love

Dragons

Video games

My favorite things

Writing

Affection

Exercising

Being on Tumblr

Looking at flowers and plants

Playing with my cats

Chatting with my friends (at the moment it’s through zoom, of course)

Finding new ways to decorate my room

Window shopping

Spending time with my boyfriend

Wearing my favorite outfit/accessory

Eating something delicious

The cool side of my pillow

Tears of joy

Woodpeckers

Reading poems

Hugging trees

Tree houses

Airstreams/campers

Playing frisbee

Making sculptures

Puppy ears

The first day of spring

The first day of summer

Sending silly photos to my friends

Building sand castles

Winning prizes at the fair or arcade

Marbles

Cacti

Scrolling through my phone

Writing fanfiction

Seeing someone you haven't seen for a really long time

Putting together collages

Printing out photos I love

DIY projects

Sewing

Crocheting

Listening to steel drums

Haunted houses

Going through a corn maze

Picking fresh fruit or vegetables

Bubble tea

Starbucks

Dunkin donuts

Disneyland

Disney Princesses

Climbing trees

Finishing errands

Rewatching my favorite episodes

Scrunchies

Milkshakes

Ice cream blizzards

Listening to acoustic versions of songs

Hot tubs

Rubber ducks

Coconut flavored food

Dipping fries in ice cream

Discovering a new type of animal

Seeing hot air balloons

Frogs/toads

Splashing in puddles

Having plants inside my house

Teddy bears

Iridescent/holographic things

Bird houses

Breakfast in bed

Crystals/gemstones

Ziplining

Dew drops

Glow sticks

Flower crowns (especially handmade ones)

Spring rain

Watching other people make art

Lighthouses

Finding heart shaped things in nature

Thinking of getting my own apartment

Coming up with a new recipe for food

Cookbook recipes passed down through families

Bookshelves

Making pretty yogurt bowls

Seaside houses

Flying on planes and being in/above the clouds

Flower bouquets

Looking at and learning about the planets

Fruit snacks

Palm trees

Weeping willow trees

Cherry blossoms

Eating cake

Decorating cakes with eccentric icing designs and colors

Whipped cream

Having snowball fights

Hearing Christmas music

Tattoos

Wearing rings

Green grass

A tidy organized desk with cute desk supplies

My craft room

Hammocks

Little cottages

Cotton candy (and cotton candy flavored things)

Looking at all the paint pallet colors in paint stores

Stamps

Taking silly photos in photobooths

Going to the mall

Making jam, especially strawberry jam

Reading outside

Finding a bird nest and watching eggs hatch

Looking at photos of my family and friends

Finding old flora and art books

Eating fresh corn on the cob with butter on a summer day

Lily Pads

Icicles

Inner peace

Sitting under a tree

Not having to turn on the light in your room when the sun is shining through

When restaurants have patios you can dine at

Fishing on a pier

Seeing old couples in public

Making gifs

Trees swaying in the wind

Anime

Dying Easter eggs

Laying in the trunk of a car and watching the clouds or stars

Night lights

Flower shops

Outer space

Kitchens

PB&J sandwiches

Toasted Cheese

LoFi music

Listening to/watching ambience videos

Turtle necks

Peaches

Looking at old maps

Figurines of the earth/globe

Honey and bees

Cheesecake

Seeing footprints in sand and watching them be washed away by waves

Anything related to the moon, stars, and sun

Reading my horoscope (even if I know it’s not real)

Archways decorated with hanging flowers

Yogurt

Pudding

Knowing that I’m not alone

Ancient roman sculptures

Macarons

When someone tells me they care about me

Weddings

Watercolour

Birthday parties

My brother

My sister

When my dog leaves his bed to lay in the sunlight

Doing mini photoshoots with my friends

Hand making bracelets/necklaces (friendship bracelets)

When someone calls me darling or honey

Love letters

Game night

Skateboarding

Stress balls and squishy toys

Starting something I’ve been wanting to do for a long time

Playing cards

Doing puzzles

Word searches

Kittens

Ordering takeout

Stepping out into the fresh air

Creating vision boards

Getting a massage

Writing positive affirmations

Lunch dates

Standup comedy

Listening to classical music

Nature/animal documentaries

Having someone there to listen to me

Listening to someone when they need it

Accepting myself for who I am

Looking back and seeing how far I’ve come and all the progress I've made

Doing something my future self will be thankful for

Speaking up for myself

Being near loved ones

Finding time for my hobbies

Giving myself time to rest

Saturday mornings

Marrying the one I love

Discovering new things

Going to new cities

My idols

Pastries

Feeling the wind on my face on a car ride

The sensation of music in my ears and like nothing else matters

People who have my best interest in mind

Simplicity

Fulfilling my dreams

Discovering a new ice cream flavor

Knitting

Making myself a priority

Knowing that I am important, and I matter

Thank you all so much for following me and supporting my blog! It means a TON! I never expected for this blog to become popular, especially because I originally started it to help myself get through some mental health issues. I am so happy to be able to share my journey of healing with you all! It means the world to me to help or make a positive impact on even just one person’s life! Each and every single one of you is amazing!! You matter and you are SO important! Thanks again for your everything! Have a great day!!! Sending sunshine your way!!

#10K Followers!!!#WOW!!#Thank you so much!!#Positivity #Happy List #Reasons to Smile #Happy #Happy Things #You are so amazing #You Matter #<3 #jkshdfka #this is the project I was working on #thanks everyone for the help #ilyasm #I loved reading all your submissions so much #you all are so sweet ahh #this was so fun to do #I hope you like this

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rayofsunas · 4 years

Text

haikyuu!! as dads (pt.1)

A/n: hello! starting off with a clean slate here yay! if some of the first few seem so short and the writing seems different, it’s because I wrote half of this like three days ago- anywways, requests are open btw!!

Summary: haikyuu characters as dads/domestic living.

Pairings: Semi Eita, Bokuto Koutarou, Kuroo Tetsurou, Oikawa Toru, Kenma Kozume

Warnings: some timeskip spoilers, fluff, parenting, angst (kinda) swearing (maybe), crack, all characters are aged up

Word count: 1.8k

Part Two!

Semi Eita

- the serious sometimes scary looking dad, but other than that he’s a fluff ball

- he may look scary but he simply cannot punish them for anything

- especially after they bonded over music, legit cannot do nothing wrong

- on the days he’s not working or with his bandmates, you can often find him with his twin daughters, teaching them how to use different musical instruments

- okay, so your daughters are still pretty young, so they aren’t very good at using most instruments, but for Christmas you and Semi got them both a small set of drums, something easy

- it was very cute to come home from work to see your husband and daughters loudly practicing on the drums

- sure at first it gave you a blasting headache, but after a while you got used to it, and even jammed out with them when you had the time

- mainly just random sounds/beats coming from the two five year olds, but Semi doesn’t mind, he’s willing to teach them and he does proudly

- if one of his daughters or both wants too

- definitely writes songs for his daughters and you

- i can see him writing lullaby’s for them and working on them for hours making sure they were perfect

- lets just say they were perfectly beautiful

- because you went to high school together, the nickname “semi semi” stuck with you (thanks chicken tendo)

- but your girls will also cutely call him “semi semi”

- you often bring them to concerts despite semi saying it’s probably too loud for them

- he’ll let you sit safely with them back stage uwu

- after he runs back to you three and is bombarded with hugs, high-fives and kithes

- YOU’RE ALL SO PROUD OF HIM

Bokuto Koutarou

- bokuto is a hyper dad, which we all saw coming. there is no taking the child out of bo

- i feel like he’d want tons of kids, probably even uses his children as an excuse to act the way he does

- i can see him with a few kids, 3 to be exact (2 boys and 1 girl)

- he likes to be really involved with his children, and gets very sad/emo when he doesn’t see them for short/long periods of time

- for example, the Black Jackals is a whole different game field than high school volleyball and it’s much more time consuming and has him away a lot

- when he does come home and has time off, let’s just say he clings to his children like a puppy

- even after a while THEY get sick of him and wanna ditch him, cue emo bo :(

- if his children gang up on him (which they do) cue emo Bo again :(

- he babies them all, can’t ever say no

- tends to go back on his word lmao

- if your oldest son begs and begs for season tickets to his favorite sports team? Bo KNOWS they can be expensive, and he was even scolded by you, but two hours after saying no, he runs back to his son and gives him the money

- if your daughter wants to get her nails done with a group of friends, he knows she picks out the most expensive polishes, etc, BUT HE DOES NOT CARE, he will gladly give her the money and even go with her to get his nails done

- yes, you heard me

- of course he’ll being chaperone for this girls day, he promises to pretend that he doesn’t know them and keep his distance (sit very far away lol), but after a little while its just hard to contain and he’s screaming to everyone in the salon that his daughter is sitting on the other side of the room eye-

- your youngest son wants an expensive sports car? done

- he just wants to make his family happy, pleaseee

Kuroo Tetsurou

- poor Kuroo, he has 2 daughters and you, so he’s surrounded by girls lol

- he actually doesn’t mind it tbh

- between you and his two daughters, he wouldn’t have it any other way

- just gives him an excuse to be overly protective

- anywhere in public, expect either kuroo holding your hand

- or holding his daughters close to him (piggy back rides, yes)

- or, he stands protectively behind you and your daughters while you talk to someone, sending them threatening glares behind your backs

- he was shy as a child, so it wasn’t surprising when one of his daughters, the youngest, was very very shy

- he doesn’t mind once again, just gives him an excuse to be protective

- although he’s busy, he always makes time for his girls ALWAYS

- definitely a bragger

- if his family is brought into a convo, he pridefully will express how cute and smart his daughters are, may or may not openly declare his daughters are the cutest amongst his co-workers children

- he’s mad intuitive and aware/observant

- kuroo always knows when one or both of his daughters are about to start crying/throw a fit

- cue dad kuroo prepared to crack funny chemistry and or science jokes

- his shy daughter finds him very funny, doubles over every time he cracks a joke and calls him a “silly rooster”

- even when she's older she still laughs and even copies his jokes

- but his other daughter just cringes, every time sigh

- when she was younger she used to fake the laughs, but when he started saying the jokes in public she just stopped reacting, hoping he would stop-

- he didn’t...

- i like to imagine kuroo and kenma staying friends even after high school, and since kenma has hella video games and a whole arcade in his house, he’ll often bring his daughters over to his house

- his eldest daughter loves it at uncle kenma’s house

- cue jealous rooster dad

Oikawa Toru

- okay so oikawa is ALWAYS busy

- isn’t home much, except during off seasons or if he messes up his knee again (yes, it’ll happen)

- in the event that he’s home due to a knee injury, he’ll wanna be catered too lmaooo

- he doesn’t expect his little girl to cater to him and really only teases you about it

- but his daughter will get him whatever he needs while he’s propped up on the couch

- she admires him so much

- his daughter kinda has a smart mouth-

- definitely got that from him, having picked up on it from a young age, while he was home

- when he was home once propped up with a messed up knee, she went “here dadkawa” as she handed him an ice pack

- he laughs at the nickname, asking you about where it came from later

“she was on call with hajime’s daughter yesterday... hajime asked how ‘poopykawa’ was doing”

- he just rolls his eyes, “at least he cleaned it up for her sake” you explained

- will not lose the “kawa” part, so it’s dadkawa lol

- when he’s away, she’s always asking for dadkawa

- when he’s here they're inseparable

- morning breakfast now will be her sitting in his lap instead of yours

- she asks to watch cartoons with him instead of you :(

- bath time consists of her arguing with you as you try to wash her hair, while oikawa sits on the closed toilet seat laughing to himself

- “mommy i want dadkawa to wash my hair!”

- “you always whine that he gets soap in your eyes”

- “I don’t care!”

- when you bring your daughter to games, she’ll be cheering him on proudly, “mommy, look at dadkawa!” “GO DADKAWA!!!!”

- since he plays for the professional Argentine team, i figure you all live in Argentina now, traveling from Argentina and Japan was tiring, so you moved to be closer

- when the news approaches him after or before games, he makes sure to show his daughter off and the whole time it’s his daughter stealing the show

- she might be shy at first, but as long as dadkawa is holding her, she’s fine

- he’ll teach her Spanish, defiantly sings happy birthday to her in Spanish because it’s special

- he calls her his princesa (princess in spanish)

Kenma Kozume

- if his child didn’t enjoy video games like him or any of his hobbies like volleyball, I feel like Kenma would have a hard time with them

- he loves his son yes, but he’d have a hard time interacting with him, especially if he’s not into video games or volleyball

- if he is though, you can often find the two in kenma’s home office, playing games

- when your son was a infant, you would always come home from being out/work to find your son sitting in his pj’s on kenma’s lap watching his dad play video games

- “it’s late, ken. i see he’s already in his pj’s- did you already have dinner?” “yes”

- “without me?” you asked, lifting up your son to give his cheeks kisses. “there’s apple pie in the fridge.”

- eye-

- yes he fed your son that, yes he needs a little guidance, yes he needs to be told apple pie is NOT dinner

- on another occasion of coming home, you found your boys in the same spot, once again playing video games, your sons eyes drifting between the game and his father every time he muttered under his breath

- “the screen is bad for your eyes kenma, and he’s just a baby! he’ll get bad eyes too!”

- kenma’s short answer is, “he won’t”

- when your son got older, and he started getting into video games, it got harder for you to tear his eyes away from the screen

- he’s been around video games his whole life, so of course it’d be hard, you just didn’t think he’d grow attached

- kenma leaves most of the strict parenting to you, because he LEGIT doesn’t NOT know what to say

- he’s lowkey afraid he’ll push his son away if he says the wrong thing, but he’s also worried that if he doesn't say anything, they’ll have no real relationship, so he struggles

- he tries his hardest to bond with him over video games and volleyball though

- as said by your son, kenma’s cooking can’t compare to yours, BUT he does know how to make a yummy apple pie

- his son will help kenma with said apple pie, when he’s younger he was often the taste tester and made a mess every time

- kenma gets nervous in huge crowds and really around anyone he doesn’t know, so if his son is a social butterfly he’ll try to get kenma used to people other than himself and you

- somehow, during the rare moments his son has problems (friends, school etc), kenma will be the one to speak up privately

- he’ll definitely tell his son to surround himself with a good friend/good friends, he also makes sure to let him know the importance of quality over quantity

- he has a brotherly relationship with kuroo, and if not for kuroo he’d be alone, he wants the same thing for his son

10.20.20, rayofsunas

#haikyuu #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu!!#semi eita #semi eita x reader #kuroo tetsuro #kuroo tetsurou #kuroo tetsuro x reader #kuroo tetsurou x reader #oikawa toru #oikawa toru x reader #kenma kozume #kenma kozume x reader #bokuto koutarou #bokuto koutaro #bokuto koutarou x reader #rayofsunas

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slutabed · 3 years

Text

intro to valentines

I really wanted to finish this episode-style Valentine’s Day fic by tomorrow but that’s NOT going to happen, especially because I wrote the last scenes first and now have no incentive to write whatever leads up to it. But I liked the end scene and wanted to share it because idk holiday spirit and trobed love and all that <3

General plot idea (none of which is actually in this scene lol): Abed is chock-full of grand gestures for Valentine’s Day but has no date, so Shirley and Annie set out to find him one. Jeff demands Abed tell him how he’s so good at wooing women (and men, for that matter), and Abed gives him all his grand ideas for the holiday. Troy is weirdly, inexplicably livid at the idea of Abed getting a date for the holiday, and Britta helps him work through his feelings.

MUSIC CUE: “Greendale Is Where I Belong” by Ludwig Goransson

Troy approaches Abed, hands in his pocket and posture stiff. He smiles nervously.

TROY

Hey.

ABED (equally nervous, hands fidgeting at his side)

Hey.

TROY

So...that valentine was pretty cool.

(beat)

Was it supposed to look like one of those giant valentines you always see in cartoons? Because -

ABED

(knowing exactly what Troy is going to say)

Because you love when things look the way they look in cartoons, yeah.

TROY (smile growing)

Yeah, I do.

The boys smile at each other for a moment before Troy glances down, shuffling his feet.

TROY

So I, uh...I never really had a Valentine before.

ABED

Neither have I. And TV holiday specials usually end with the acquisition of the Valentine, so I don’t really have a script for what comes after this part.

(He pauses for a beat, then, more quietly:)

But I really like you, Troy.

TROY (a soft, looking-at-Abed expression on his face)

You do?

Abed smiles and nods.

TROY (quietly)

I’ve never dated a guy before.

ABED

I know.

TROY (after a deep breath)

But if there’s anyone I trust to be my first boyfriend, it’s you.

ABED (eyes wide)

You want to be boyfriends?

TROY (foot in his mouth)

Uh, no!? Not if you don’t want that! Did I say boyfriend? I meant, uh, koi friend. Like, we could be friends that just chill out by koi ponds together, and -

Abed puts a hand on Troy’s shoulder comfortingly. Troy visibly relaxes.

ABED

Troy. I really, really want to be your boyfriend. It’s why I orchestrated this whole thing.

Troy gestures to where Jeff is frantically lighting a fuse that connects to his entire firework display.

TROY

So the whole firework show...even though Jeff is setting it up now, that’s still for me?

Abed looks over his shoulder, as if surprised to find the rest of the study group still there.

ABED

Oh, that? No, I think that’s going to be a total trainwreck. I’m not sure those fireworks are even legal.

TROY (eyes wide)

What!? Then why did you give them to Jeff!?

ABED

Because I needed everyone to be distracted so I could do this.

Behind them, Jeff’s fireworks erupt in a cacophonous, disastrous-sounding symphony. Onlookers wince and cover their ears. One misfiring firework veers sideways and launches itself directly into a garbage can, the contents of which immediately burst into flames. Jeff runs to the garbage can, panicked, while Britta doubles over in laughter, Shirley’s hands cover her mouth in horror, and Annie shrieks. The onlookers are in various states of disarray, some calling 911, some screaming for help, some running toward or away from the fire in panic.

In the midst of the pandemonium, while everyone is distracted, Abed gently cups Troy’s face in his hand and leans in to kiss him softly. Troy gasps, then melts into the kiss, his hands coming up to grip Abed’s arms. After a moment, Abed pulls away.

TROY (eyes even wider now)

Woah.

ABED (smiling, almost in disbelief)

Yeah.

(beat)

Before, when you said first boyfriend, is that because you’re already planning on having more boyfriends in the future, or -

TROY (emphatically)

Uh, absolutely not, you can be my forever boyfriend if you’re going to kiss me like that again. That was awesome.

Abed smiles wider and pulls Troy close for an even deeper kiss. When he pulls away, Troy is looking at him like Abed put the stars in the sky just for him.

ABED

Want to go watch movies and probably make out a lot?

TROY

Get out of my brain, dude. That sounds amazing.

They perform their handshake, then Abed grabs Troy’s hand with a shy smile. Troy looks nervous, but then grins and nods. They walk toward Abed’s dorm, away from the pandemonium in front of the library, hand in hand.

END TAG

Troy and Abed are sitting next to each other on a couch in the library, just as they are in the end tag of “Spanish 101” (season 1 episode 2). Abed beatboxes and taps out a rhythm on his textbook with his pencil.

TROY (rapping)

¿Dónde está la biblioteca? Me llamo T-Bone, la araña discoteca.

Cut to: Jeff, Shirley, Annie and Britta are watching. Shirley looks bewildered, Britta looks bored, Annie taps her foot impatiently and Jeff checks his watch.

BRITTA

Come on, guys, is this really what you wanted to show us?

JEFF

Yeah, we’ve heard this stupid rap already.

(Troy and Abed ignore their friends and continue rapping.)

The rap ends. Instead of waiting for applause, Troy and Abed just grin at each other and lean in. Abed grab’s the back of Troy’s neck and pulls him in for a loud smack of a kiss.

SHIRLEY

Oh, Lord have mercy…

BRITTA (laughing in disbelief)

Woah!

ANNIE (gasping)

Do you mean you two -

JEFF (with a shit-eating grin)

Well, I’ll be damned.

Abed smiles at the group. Troy can’t pull his heart-eyes away from Abed.

SHIRLEY

Well, you two better treat each other right, you hear me? I’ll kick both your asses if you do anything to hurt each other.

JEFF

Shirley, look at them. I think they’re gonna be fine.

Troy slips his hand into Abed’s, while Abed’s smile grows.

ABED

Happy Valentine’s Day, everybody.

FADE OUT.

#trobed #troy barnes #abed nadir #trobed fic #troy and abed #valentine's day fic #does this replace season 1 valentine's day dance? or season 2? who knows #i just think they're neat and troy should get a valentine the size of a small child #long post #also im sorry if you're on mobile the formatting is fucked lol

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thewanderingace · 3 years

Text

Okay I'm a little less emotional now and I've processed a bit so here's my disorganized thoughts during and about Lucifer season 6

Massive MASSIVE amount of spoilers under the cut!!

Lucifer has been my favorite show for the last 5 years and I've been through so many ups and downs with it that saying goodbye to it was HARD. The whole season just utterly wrecked me. I think I cried at least twice an episode but the final 2 episodes was non stop sobbing. Non stop.

To me, it felt like this season was one long goodbye and I loved it. Not just the cast and crew saying goodbye to the fans and the show but it gave us a way to say our goodbyes to the characters through them and I'm grateful for that. Did it hurt like a bitch the whole time? Oh yeah. My heart aches. But we got to say goodbye and it's not often we get to do that with tv shows. Even if not everything went the way I wanted to, I'm okay with that. I cried my eyes out the whole time and for hours afterwards but now that my emotions have settled somewhat, I'm okay with it all. I kinda like the bittersweetness of it.

Overall I loved the final season. It had some great funny moments, soooooo much intimate Deckerstar I mean the love between them is palpable every second they're together, and so many great character moments. This was really about the characters and the emotions and less about murders and action and plot. And as a fan of emotional character moments I loved that. And Tom's acting was fucking out of this world. I mean they all were but Tom especially gave the performance of a lifetime in my opinion.

Going into this final season my checklist of things I want to see happen was as follows:

Ella finds out the truth about the celestials

Lucifer does not become God. In fact I want him to focus on changing hell and helping people move on past their guilt and go to Heaven. Like Dan. I want him to help people like Dan. Or just change the system entirely so people like Dan don't end up in Hell

Amenadiel does become God

Linda continues being the therapist to the celestials

No more Maze and Lucifer fighting with each other

Dan moving on to Heaven and being with Charlotte

Ella being happy with Carol

Deckerstar happy and together at the end

That was everything I wanted and you know what? I GOT IT!

Ella not only found out that they were all celestials, she figured it out on her own!! She's so smart! And I love how she was just 100% cool with it all because her faith has always been so strong. It was the fact that they didn't tell her that upset her and yeah I'm upset about that too and I really wish one of them had told her that they didn't tell her because they didn't want to hurt her. Linda and Chloe both knew how difficult it was for them to learn and Lucifer saw how affected they were. So they were in a way trying to protect Ella from pain. She had every right to be mad and upset. But I'm thrilled she is in the know now and the way she ran after Amenadiel to see him fly was amazing.Just the look on her face as she saw an angel fly was perfect.

I liked Linda's boredom with human problems as a therapist and how she's feeling unfulfilled in regular day to day problems. It's something I wondered about last season and I'm glad it was addressed. And I love that she continues to treat celestials like Adam XD. I wonder if her practice will just turn into a celestial therapy practice. Angels, demons, etc. All are welcome and she'd be amazing at it.

This is the best that Lucifer and Maze's relationship has ever been and I am LOVING IT! He asked for her advice and she didn't make fun of him or say something mean, she actual gave him her advice and he listened to it! Maze then supported his awkward ways of trying to get to know Rory and tried to show Rory that's he's trying! And when she asked him for help with Adam he came! And he listened to her!! She said her feelings and he listened!! And reacted appropriately!! AND HELPED HER!! "My best fiends wedding" omg!!! AND THEN!! He openly admits that she's his best friend during his goodbye!! I love it!! And he opens his arms for a hug!! AND THEY ACTUALLY HUGGED!!! Maze and Lucifer this season was so good!!!!

I had a feeling even before going into this season that Lucifer would not end up as God but that Amenadiel would and I am soooo glad that that is what happened! Lucifer as God didn't feel right and I'm glad there was a several episode long arc of Lucifer slowly coming to realize that not only is it not his calling but he doesn't want to do that job. He wants to help people but not like that. I love that growth for him.

I actually really liked Carol and I think he and Ella are cute together and I hope they'll be very happy. I mean the cuteness factor of them doing bad karate moves together nearly killed me. I also loved that Ella's trauma with Pete didn't go away but was embraced. Of course she wouldn't be okay after all that and I'm glad the writers didn't ignore it.

THE DECKERSTAR!!! THIS SEASON WAS PEAK DECKERSTAR AND I AM LIVING!!!! Where do I even start with this?! The Deckerstar love this season was so high that it destroyed me at the end. I mean the touches, the looks, the hugs, the kisses, the dancing, the dates, the beach cuddle, the nose kisses, the forehead kisses, the casual I love yous, the flying together, sexy times, the mutual support for each other, the pure LOVE between was so incredible. The fact that they had to be separated for so long, Lucifer alone in Hell and Chloe raising two kids alone, fucking hurts me heart so damn much but we got so many wonderful moments with them that it will sustain me. I mean their goodbye was so fucking beautiful and I'm devastated. It wouldn't so much if they're love wasn't so beautiful.

Some other things I really enjoyed about the season:

Lucifer geeking out about magic! That was hilarious and I loved how he tried so hard to not know how the tricks worked.

All of Episode 3. I really enjoyed this episode for a variety of reasons. 1 being the funny craziness of the cartoon hell loop. I mean that was bonkers and I couldn't stop laughing. I loved it. I also loved seeing Lucifer under control of the hell loop and how he made it so Jimmy could be with him mom. But what I loved most about it is this glimpse into what I assume Chloe and Lucifer are doing post show (also kinda confirmed by Ildy and Joe). We see the two of them investigating people's (Jimmy Barnes') hell loops for answers to their guilt in order to help them move onto Heaven. I love that with all my heart. They both continue to help people, Lucifer using what he's learned from Linda to help them with their emotions and Chloe using her badass detective skills to find the answers. They're gonna help so many people.

Lucifer's realization that he ends up caring for people he tries to help and how that's actually a good thing. That it's something to embrace. He's come so far emotionally and I'm so proud of him.

Lucifer's to do list made me laugh so much. Look at this:

Become God

Prove I love Rory

Check in with Father Frank

Azrael's blade still secure?

Start calling Dan "Casper"

Rewatch Bones

Visit Sao Paulo

Try Golden Gate with Chloe First of all the second thing is to prove he loves Rory? AORABLE!! But what caught my eye next is check in with Father Frank. FATHER FRANK!! IS HE IN HELL?!?! DOES LUCIFER CHECK IN WITH HIM A LOT??? Rewatch Bones! Call Dan Casper! I don't even want to know what Golden Gate is XD

Dad!Lucifer. Oh my god I never expected to enjoy Lucifer as a dad as much as I did. Lucifer would have been the best dad and he proved that. The presents he would have given his daughter were perfect, the talks between the two of them, the love he has for Rory was palpable and beautiful. I mean he barely knew her for a few moments and he immediately fell in love with her and would do anything for her. He loved Rory so much and he so desperately wanted to be in her life and it KILLS me that he didn't get to do that. His face when she made him promise to not change things was DEVASTATING! He wanted to be her dad. He wanted to see her grow up. And he didn't get that chance!! I HATE THIS!!! He would have been/was the best dad ever! The montage of them spending the day together was perfection. Sumo wrestling, water balloon fights, shopping, snacks, watching Bones together, his face while listening to her talk about More Bones. It was perfect and exactly how Lucifer would be as a Dad. Fun, attentive, caring. I'm heartbroken.

All of Episode 9. This, to me, felt like the episode for us and the cast and the crew to say goodbye and I'm so grateful for it. Lucifer making the round and saying his goodbyes had me sobbing. I loved them all and I love that Lucifer got say all the things he felt to the people he loved most before he had to leave. Each one was so perfect. Him telling Linda how much he loved her and she is the "most wonderful friends that a devil could ever have". Him telling Ella he was sorry and how he didn't want to leave without her knowing again and the "Ella Lopez STEM Initiative"!!!! I'm gonna cry. Even when he's gone she'll never forget him because of this. Him giving Lux to Amenadiel and telling him that "of all our siblings, I am glad it's you I spent all this time on Earth with. Because you are my favorite brother, brother." I'm dead. Him telling Maze that she is his best friend and he's sorry he didn't always treat her that way. THEIR HUG! His final moment with Dan being the clincher in getting him to Heaven. AND THE FINAL BEACH DAY WITH CHLOE AND RORY WAS SO PERFECT I'M CRYING! The three of them on the drive, Chloe drinking too much champaign, the cuddling on the sand, Lucifer and Rory hugging and their whole talk about how he felt after his father abandoned him. I loved it so much. My only complaint is that I wanted a scene with Trixie too.

Lucifer's love of Bones was really on point this season. I love that detail.

Maze and Eve's wedding. WAS. BEAUTIFUL! I loved their dresses, Linda walking Maze down, Eve owning her own person, their vows, their love, their reception, Maze and Trixie doing their handshake, Dan attending, Lucifer and Chloe being all lovey dovey, Maze's demon family attending as zombies. I loved it all!

Ghost Dan was both crazy funny and so fucking sad. I'm glad he was still here this season and got this arc. Him working through his guilt and moving onto Heaven. I knew all along that Dan's guilt he hadn't worked on was him leaving Trixie and not being a good father to her since he avoided seeing her. I loved that he got a chance to talk to her and that she told him he was being a dummy and she loved him so much.

The music choices. I already lost it at Hazy Shade of Winter but then they went and chose BLACK PARADE for the final scene in Hell and as soon as that first note hit, the fucking G note, I sobbed even harder (as if that was possible).

Bob and Katya cameos!!!

And on that note, I loved all of Lucifer's singing moments. Always do.

Dan playing ping pong with Baliol

But for all the things I loved, there were a few I did not. It's bound to happen and even though they're big they don't change my overall positive feelings about the season.

Here are the things I didn't like:

No Trixie. We barely had any Trixie this season and I hate it. I'm very very happy she was at Maze and Eve's wedding but why was that basically it! Luci didn't even say goodbye to her! They should have had a goodbye scene! Actually, he didn't have any scenes with her in the whole season except forthat tiny scene at the wedding when she asks them when they're getting married and he flounders and she laughs. THAT'S ALL WE GOT!!! I WANTED MORE DAMMIT! SHE WASN'T EVEN THERE WHEN CHLOE DIED!! The scene when she talks to Dan killed me though. I loved that.

This is the biggie. The one that gives me an immense amount of pain and anguish when I think about it because it's so damn sad. Lucifer never gets to see his daughter grow up, never gets to have his family, never sees his family again when they're alive, never gets to spend his life with Chloe on Earth. I understand why he needed to go and stay away from Rory. I do. I get it. But it doesn't make it hurt any less that he spent so so long alone in Hell again. That Chloe had to raise Rory on her own. That Lucifer didn't get to be there for Chloe while she was pregnant, didn't get to see Rory be born, didn't get to be there for her first or watch her grow. And he wanted to be there soooooo badly. It hurts to think about. Does he at least get visits from Amenadiel during this time? Does he get to visit with everyone else, Chloe even, if Rory doesn't know about it? Does he get to know how they're doing? Do they all talk about Lucifer and say they miss him and hope he's okay? Does he get to go up to Heaven occasionally and visit Dan and Charlotte and his siblings? He and Chloe sacrificed so much, Lucifer literally giving up EVERYTHING, so that they're daughter would find her peace. I hate this. It hurts so much.

That's about it I guess. I'm pretty satisfied with everything else.

Oh here are some of my headcanons I use to ease the pain in heart (which turns out both Ildy and Joe all but confirmed after I thought of them but before I could post them. So yay for that!):

Lucifer did stop by and visit Earth during those years as long as he was sure Rory wouldn't find out. A few minutes here and there to see Linda and Charlie, Maze and Eve, and if he could, a few moments with Chloe. Maybe sent notes or stole a few minutes alone with her. All that matter was Rory not knowing it. And if that really couldn't happen then....

Amenadiel visits his brother all the time. He tells him about his family in Earth. How they're doing, what they've been up to, if they're safe happy and healthy. He tells him all about chloe and rory and brings tons of photos so even though he can't be there in person, he still knows how their lives are.

After Chloe dies and joins him in hell they occassionally take vacations. Now, chloe can't go to earth cause she's dead but they can go to heaven. So they vacation there. Lucifer flies her up and they visit with their family and then have beach days or dance or whatever their heart desires until they go back. Maybe they all have a party together.

Lux is now a part of Hell and is where they live happily together. Since he has control over hell loops he made one into Lux.

After Chloe dies, Rory flies to be with her family in hell as well and she and Lucifer spend eons making up for the time they both missed out on.

Rory and Lucifer go to Earth and check in on Trixie all the time.

Deckerstar spend an eternity happy, helping people work through their guilt and move on to Heaven.

#lucifer spoilers #spoilers #lucifer season 6 spoilers #lucifer netflix spoilers #lucifer #lucifer netflix #lucifer season 6 #my thoughts #stephs stuff

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fleetwoodmak99 · 3 years

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Primed for Sin (2/10)

SUMMARY: This is Arthur's point of view of meeting Elena and the effect it has on him. Arthur doesn't really know what he's gonna do but he doesn't know that she's the one.

WARNING: Delusions, masturbation, smut, stalking, smoking weed and mental illness (Borderline Personality Disorder and PBA)

Please kindly do not read this if these offends or triggers anyone. Im always here to listen if someone needs it.

Hey again. This is part 2 of idk how many parts to the Primed for Sin story. Like I said before idk where I'm gonna go with this but this chapter is gonna be more dark when it talk about stalking and mental illness. I decided to have Elena too have stuggles with mental illness as well because I felt it better represent what I'm going through with my own mental health. So I apologize if I offend anyone or if anyone feels misrepresented.

Primed for Sin Part 1

Arthur could feel his whole body ache as he sat on the couch in the apartment he shared with his mother. His legs bounced as he sat back on the couch. One of his hands coming up to his mouth to take a drag of a cigarette while the other one held the boys toy train. He could feel another one of his laughing fits hit once again.

He couldn't help the raging fits of laughter that escaped him as he felt the sharp pain of anxiety shocking his body. He remembers the events that had happen earlier that day.

He tried to think of something else, anything else but he couldn't stop himself from thinking of how beautiful that girl was when she had smiled at him earlier. How she smelled of peppermint, it reminded him of Christmas. Even though he never really was able to really celebrate it, something about the season always brought him comfort.

He felt his pain starting to ease as the laughter once again started to die down for what seemed to be the millionth time today. Ever since this morning he's been having laughing attacks left and right. He squeezed the toy train even harder. His thoughts beginning to roam again. He didn't know anything about that girl but he knew he needed to know more. No, craved to know more. There was nothing that would keep him from her. He already knew this, he just didn't know how far he would take himself for it.

He imagined that she would be the perfect good girl for him. She's already seemed to be a mother figure which delighted Arthur. Maybe one day she would be round with his child.

No. Stop it Arthur, he thought to himself. There will be plenty of time for that. For now, he wanted to know more about the boy she was with. Who was he to her? Her son? Has she been with another man? Is she a virgin?

The thoughts ran rapid through his head as he started to spiral. Nothing made him more upset than thinking about another man's hands on her. So he did what his thoughts told him to do. He gathered information on her. Anything he could find. The easiest way to do this was to follow the woman as she goes about her day. He knew it was wrong, the small voice in his head told him so but there there even larger voices telling him to go through.

After a few days of this, he was able to find out more about the sweet girl. Her name was Elena Wheeler. She worked at a comedy club, one that Arthur had gone to often. She did singing gigs on the side while she bartended for the most part. Arthur noticed she like to cover 50s songs as well as write some of her own songs. Arthur would find himself relax while enjoying her voice each night. She would work this job most days while the boy would go to a behavioral center for children.

The boy on the other hand wasn't her son but her younger brother, yet she was the one who had custody over him. This was most likely so he too wouldn't end up in the system.

This gave Arthur some relief as his virgin theory might be true. He'd watch the two of them interact with one another. Almost being jealous of the way they played together. He wish he had that with someone. He will, soon.

It was obvious that the boy had some major abandonment issues. He would cry every time she would kiss him goodbye. Only calming down hours later when he's starts watching a cartoon or until she returns. But Arthur could also tell that Elena had some issues of her own. She too would be antsy every time she was away from the child. Never allowing herself to rest until she knew she was ok.

Arthur would watch her through the window of the complex building. One thing he did notice immediately was the constant hits from a bong. He was honestly surprised how much she could smoke. If she were drinking, he would actually be concerned for her. The girl was small and shouldn't take much to get a high yet there she was coughing up a storm from hitting it so much. Michael was in the other room watching his Thomas show. Arthur couldn't help but wonder why she did this so much. Maybe she was lonely too.

Arthur was able to keep track of her favorite things, what upset her, what made her happy. Everything and anything. He would notice her moods would change frequently. She would be happy one minute and crying the next especially when she was away from Michael. He could see her trying her best to hold it together for the little guy. He really did. His heart leaped just watching it. His heart leaped even more when he saw he watching the Murry Show being played most nights after putting Michael to bed. She's perfect.

Arthur started to understand her more when he was able to get his hands on some of her records. He won't say how but let's just say he has his ways aka breaking and entering. He was glad he did when he saw an entire file dedicated to her.

She had been diagnosed with Boderline personality disorder when she was 18. She herself had been in behavioral centers for having difficulty controlling her anger. She also lived in foster home for most of her childhood it seemed since both her parents abandoned her when she was around 4 years old. Even though her parents had started coming in and out of her life when she turned 18, she never really gained anything from it.

It saddened Arthur to see she had had to struggle so much but that just seems to be a common theme around here in Gotham.

_________________________________________

After a long day of clowning around at his extremely emotionally draining job. He had done his nightly routine of watching Murray and cooking for his mother. After what seemed like an eternity, his mother had finally drifted off into sleep. He felt himself finally relax and with this he let his mind wander.

He wanted to see her. Just see her face. That's all he needed. Even if it was through a window in the freezing cold in the ally way behind the building. Luckily she didn't live on a high floor. That was enough for him to take action.

Arthur quietly grabbed his coat and shoes as he slipped out the door and into the cold. He shivered as the coolness hit his body.

Finally making it to his usual spot for that last few days and set himself up, only looking up when he was finished. His eyes focused on Elenas apartment window. It was dark with the only light coming from the TV in one of the bedrooms. He figured she had put Michael to bed because he could see her all alone, he paused, in only a gray tank top and black panties.

His heart started to race and he could already feel his throat starting to react. The laughter was ready to pour out.

Maybe this isn't a good idea, he thought to himself as he started to reach down to grab his things.

Yet he still couldn't tear his eyes from what he was seeing. Her tangled in the covers with her short brown hair all messy from moving around. It certainly was a sight to see. His cock agreed as it immediately started becoming hard.

The small voice in his head told him to stop. He knew it was wrong to watch her but when her hand started to move up and down her bare leg he knew he couldn't turn away. It was like she knew he was there almost. Like she was putting on a show just for him.

He grew harder and harder the more he watched. Watching her eventually making her way down to her panties, slipping her hand just inside. It didn't take long for her face to start turning and her body to start squirming. It didn't take long before he became hard enough it started to hurt leaning against his pants. He wanted to relieve himself so bad. More importantly he wanted to relieve himself in her but knew that couldn't happen right now.

He couldn't take it anymore when she started to grab at the sheets of the bed. He pulled out his cock that was already leaking with precum. Arthur didn't get a lot of action so when he did he just couldn't contain himself.

Arthur placed his dick in his hand as he started to slowly pump himself. He tried to match the same movements as her, trying to think it was her hand instead. He imagined they would be gentle and soft. His were the total opposite.

He imagined her saying his name. Whispering as she cums or screaming it as he fucked her. He knew he wasn't gonna be able to last long with all these dirty thoughts roaming his head. To his delight she couldn't seem to either. Elenas back was arched as her hands started to tease her breasts underneath her tank top.

He was right as her body started to shake, her chest move up and down swiftly as she starts to come down from her high. This gave Arthur the silent ok for him to cum as well. And when this boy cums, he cums everywhere. He just can't hold himself back. Shamefully cumming in a nearby trashcan so no one would see.

He quickly cleaned himself up, looking up and down the ally to make sure no one is watching. He couldn't help the connection he felt with her. She was so sweet the first time they meet and she's perfect now weak against her mattress.

Ok its time to make a move.

#arthur fleck x you #arthur fleck x female reader #arthur fleck x reader #arthur fleck #arthur fleck x y/n #joker #arthur fleck smut

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syntheticpoetry · 4 years

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The Ghosts That We Knew

See my original post on the origins of this story here!

Summary: Blaine Anderson is no stranger to hospitals and has been volunteering on the pediatric unit of Lima General Hospital for years when Kurt Hummel comes along. After Blaine is attacked at his school's Sadie Hawkins Dance, he has his best friend Kurt to help him deal with the aftermath. And when Kurt becomes the target of the McKinley football team's bullying campaign, he can count on Blaine to have his back.

AU where Blaine transfers to McKinley instead of Dalton. Set during season 1.A story of two best friends finding courage to face their bullies and discovering love along the way.

Author’s Note: Blaine has a reason he has been in an out of the hospital since childhood that will be revealed, but if you are overly cautious of the level of angst surrounding it I can assure you it's nothing heartbreaking/super serious. It's actually quite common. I cannot thank @esperantoauthor enough for beta reading this for me and really helping me whip it into shape!

AO3 Link || FFN Link

Chapter 1: Of Viral Videos and Disney Princes

The last time that Kurt Hummel remembers being in a hospital, he told his mother that he loved her for the last time.

That was six years ago.

As he walks through the lobby, towards the directory by the elevators, he keeps his gaze fixed forward, careful not to spare a glance at the waiting area to his right. He spent so many months in that waiting room. Entire seasons, multiple holidays spent watching people receive good news and bad news, with his father stoic and silent beside him as his mother underwent procedure after procedure. Until it was their turn to be the family that received bad news. The doctor sounded sincere as he said a lot of big words Kurt could not quite understand at the time, but he understood the look on his father’s face. He took to studying the ugly designs on the carpet to distract from the tight clench in his father’s jaw, the way he kept himself so still and barely blinked through the entire explanation— Kurt knew, even at eight years old, what it was like to use up all of your willpower to hold yourself together for the sake of someone else. To this day, he cannot look at paisley print without thinking back to that awful day.

Kurt scans the directory before punching the up button to call the elevator and folds his arms across his chest, tapping his foot as he awaits its arrival. When he first heard about the volunteer program on the pediatric unit he was naturally hesitant to return to the place that held some of his worst memories. He had been on the fence about it all summer, torn between the desire to give back to the hospital staff that had gone above and beyond in their attempts to cure his mother’s cancer and wanting to put as much distance as possible between himself and the place where they finally had to say goodbye to each other.

Until he saw that YouTube video.

A curly-haired boy with big doe eyes and an unwavering grin, guitar in hand, leading a Disney themed sing-along with a group of elementary school age kids. The warmth that spread through Kurt’s chest was almost overwhelming as he watched the boy march around the room performing Hakuna Matata with the parade of children trailing behind, mimicking him raucously and off-key. It was the first time Kurt had really smiled in a long time.

So he had decided to look into the program. Mostly because witnessing the boundless energy of pure joy from each child singing along in that video elicited memories of countless nights of living room performances with his own father, both of them puffy-eyed and exhausted but still managing to find the stamina to sing at the top of their lungs, using the furniture as stage props. They were two lost souls attempting to cling to each other through tidal waves of insurmountable grief, and those nights together— well, those nights wereeverything to Kurt. He had never felt closer to his father than when they were both breathless and laughing their way through the most eclectic collection of songs imaginable, hugging each other tightly at the end of each performance.

And if Kurt happened to run into the boy from the video along the way, well, that would certainly just be an added bonus. Kurt did have eyes after all. And there was no denying the boy’s natural charm or the air of confidence with which he carried himself.

Truth be told, entering yet another school year with no friends was beginning to take its toll on Kurt and the possibility of finding camaraderie with a cute boy who seemingly shared similar interests was certainly enticing.

Ding!

The doors slide open before him revealing an empty elevator. Kurt steps in and presses the button for the fourth floor. He thinks about that video and jumping on armchairs and couches in his living room with his father for the entire ride up.

***

He has to be buzzed in to enter the unit, which he thinks is strange. But the woman who greets him, a young nurse with bright green eyes and deep auburn hair pulled back into a messy ponytail, explains it is the protocol for all pediatric units in order to prevent children from wandering away or being kidnapped. There are security bracelets around each patient’s ankle that trigger an alarm if they are taken past a bright yellow line painted on the floor.

“Who would kidnap sick kids from a hospital?” Kurt asks, looking absolutely horrified.

“You would be surprised at how common it is. Parents fighting over custody, usually.”

He nods and guesses that makes sense, but the thought is still deeply unsettling.

The hallways are empty as she leads him to a room behind the nurse’s station. The unit is certainly much different from the one his mother had been on. The walls are covered in murals of different cartoon characters and scenes from popular storybooks. While the nurse punches in a code, Kurt studies a painting of Rapunzel in a high stone tower, golden plaited hair strung over the edge of the window for a handsome prince at the bottom. The door buzzes and she holds it open for him. “I’ll let my supervisor know you’re here.”

Kurt thanks her and takes a seat at one of the tables to wait. On the far wall he spots a bulletin board covered in an overabundance of overlapping photos, hand-drawn pictures and a variety of cards both homemade and store-bought. He casts a quick glance towards the door before crossing the room to investigate. He cannot help but smile as he scans over the collection of memories, reminiscing back to his own pile of hand drawn cards for the staff on the oncology unit.

Then something catches his eye.

It’s the curly haired boy from the video. He’s standing, guitar in hand with the strap over his shoulder, in the center of a group photo, surrounded by children of varying ages and the unit staff. His outfit is different from the one in the video though. He’s wearing baggy sweatpants and a printed T-shirt, only the edges of the otherwise obscured design visible from behind the guitar over his torso. In the video he had certainly seemed more, well, put together, to say the least. He had worn light grey slacks and a navy polo shirt accented with a white bow tie, which Kurt could not help but notice because he could count on one hand the amount of teenage boys he had ever seen wearing bow ties in the state of Ohio, himself included.

Kurt wonders how often he comes by to visit and volunteer. Maybe there is a chance they will be able to meet after all.

The faint beeping of the key code and jiggling of the door handle to his left draws his attention and he turns in time to see an older woman with ashy blonde hair and huge round glasses that take up half of her face walk in. Her scrub top is printed with different Winnie the Pooh characters. She smiles and approaches him, extending her hand. “Hi, you must be Kurt. I’m Jeannie; we spoke on the phone last week.”

“Oh! Yes,” Kurt shakes her hand. “Nice to meet you.”

“Shall we?” She gestures to a table and Kurt takes a seat opposite her. “So we just have to get some paperwork in order and then we can take a little tour around the unit so you can meet the kids.”

“Okay.”

“This is your first time volunteering, right?” She opens a Manila folder and begins rifling through a large stack of papers.

“Yes.”

“What drew you to it?”

Kurt steals a glance towards the bulletin board, lips curling up into a half-smile. “I heard about it through my school a few months back, but honestly? I spent a lot of time visiting my mom in this hospital when I was a kid and when me and my dad would get home he would always try to cheer me up. We put on a lot of concerts for my stuffed animals in our living room. And I mean… like a lot .”

Her eyes are soft as she listens, a piece of paper held loosely between both hands just inches off of the table, almost forgotten, and gives him an empathetic smile.

“I saw that video of the Disney sing-along online and I just really wanted to be a part of it, helping kids, especially with music, because it’s really helped me through some tough times.”

“Well,” She straightens up and slides the paper across the table towards him, “I think the kids will really love having you around. Do you play any instruments?”

“Never missed a piano lesson,” Kurt says, grinning. “But mostly, I love to sing.”

The paperwork consists of a lot of signatures. Kurt is not to discuss any of the patients or their health conditions with others in order to maintain privacy regulations, not to post anything to social media without permission, and just a lot of general information about the hospital’s protocols such as what to do in the event of emergency scenarios (of which there are many ). By the end of it, Kurt has a pretty sizable stack of papers to take home with him and a dull cramp in his wrist.

“I know it seems like a lot of information, but nothing you have to memorise. You’ll always be with other staff members who will guide you through every step of the way.”

Kurt releases a nervous laugh, “Okay, good. I can save my highlighters for school work then.”

***

Jeannie leads the way to the playroom which, she explains, is a safe space for all the children on the unit that remains open every day until 7 p.m. No medications or treatments are allowed to be administered to a child in the playroom, they must be brought out first. There are about ten kids inside, ranging from toddlers to older teens, all of whom have seemingly gravitated towards splitting into their own little cliques based on ages. As soon as they enter the room two of the younger kids, a boy and girl no older than three or four, look up from a mountain of blocks and start crying. Kurt casts an alarmed glance at Jeannie.

“It’s okay, you can keep playing.” Jeannie kneels down and stacks a loose block onto their small tower. “Everyone, this is Kurt, he’s going to be coming by to help out and spend some time with all of you.” She stands up and backs away from the two toddlers with the blocks to stand beside Kurt again.

“It’s the uniform,” she says quietly to him. “Some get scared when they see us come into a room cause it usually means it’s time for medicine or treatments.”

“Hi, Kurt!” A small girl with bronze skin, a round face, and long thick black hair comes over and takes his hand. “I’m Melanie! You wanna come draw with me?”

She does not wait for an answer before she starts tugging on his hand and walking back towards a small rectangular table covered with construction paper and crayons. She climbs into one of two plastic blue chairs which are far too tiny for Kurt to fit in, so he sits on the floor beside the table, crossing his legs. Melanie slides a piece of yellow construction paper towards him and pushes a pile of crayons into the middle for them to share.

“Did you draw all of these?” Kurt picks up a red crayon and starts sketching.

“Yes! My daddy brought my big brother to visit and we draw together,” she says, shading in what looks like a sunflower with a purple crayon.

“They’re very beautiful; I like that one a lot.” Kurt taps the one she is currently working on. “I’ve never seen a purple sunflower before.”

“I’m gonna invent them one day,” she says matter-of-factly. Kurt smiles and returns to his sketch of a new outfit design that has been floating around his mind for the past week.

“Woah!”

Kurt begins to lift his head up to locate where the voice has come from when he spots movement beside his left elbow. To say the boy is small would be an understatement. He is tiny . A pale, skinny little thing dressed in Batman pajamas that look two sizes too big on him. He has wide, bright blue eyes and is wearing a charcoal grey beanie. Clutched between his toothpick arms is a stuffed rabbit with drooping ears the size of its entire body.

“Hello,” Kurt says as the boy leans forward to peer at his drawing.

“You can draw,” the boy says, clutching his rabbit closer.

“Would you like to draw with us?”

“Can’t draw,” he says.

“Oh, I bet that’s not true,” Kurt says and holds out the crayon to him. “Everyone can draw.”

The boy looks at the crayon then up to Kurt and shakes his head shyly before raising the bunny up to his chin, hugging it tightly.

“What’s your name?” Kurt asks.

“Jason,” he says quietly.

“Well, would you like to watch me and Melanie draw?”

“I’m really good.” Melanie looks up at him. “You can sit next to me, I’ll show you.”

Kurt spends the next hour drawing with Melanie while Jason continues to peek curiously between them. The other kids begin to trickle out of the room, some led by nurses, some by visiting family members. Pretty soon, only the three of them are left until Jason’s mother comes in to collect him. Before he leaves, Kurt holds out a piece of paper to him.

“Something tells me you like Batman,” Kurt says as Jason’s eyes widen at the image of a child-sized Batman with bright blue eyes. “How about next time you can draw me?”

“Okay.” Jason grins, slipping the picture between his stuffed bunny and his chest to hold it there safely. “But you’re gonna look like a potato. I really can’t draw.”

It is the most Kurt has heard him speak all afternoon. Something about the way he talks contradicts the way he looks. Kurt wonders how old he actually is; the boy looks smaller than most five year olds he’s seen but definitely talks like an older child. Kurt makes a mental note to find out next time. “Deal. I can’t wait to see it.”

Jason’s mom gives Kurt a parting smile before she shepherds her son away. Soon after, Melanie’s nurse comes to collect her as well, leaving only Kurt and Jeannie in the empty playroom.

“That went well,” she says. “You’re a natural with them.”

Kurt beams back at her, a sense of pride swelling in his chest.

After his dad comes to pick him up, Kurt spends the entire car ride home filling him in on the events of the day, excluding Jason and Melanie��s names. He goes to bed that night with his mind already buzzing with activities for the next visit.

***

Kurt starts volunteering two days a week after school and over the course of the next month, he becomes very familiar with some of the regular kids on the unit. Jason, he discovers, is actually nine years old, has leukemia and is in his final round of chemotherapy by the first week in October. Melanie has sickle cell anemia and had been hospitalized for something called ‘sickle cell crisis’— she had gone home two weeks after they first met, but Kurt learns that she usually returns frequently for the same problem. There’s a teenage boy not much older than Kurt is, but taller and skinnier with jet black hair and sad eyes, named Julian who has cystic fibrosis— he usually keeps to himself, oftentimes choosing to sit in the back corner of the playroom and silently watch everyone else.

The rest have been a whirlwind of faces and names with a variety of issues such as pneumonia, appendicitis, broken bones and asthma attacks. There have also been quite a few cases of children who have come in with injuries as a result of abuse at home, more so than Kurt would have imagined actually occurred. He finds trying to interact and engage with those kids to be the most heartbreaking.

Some of the kids are not as keen to warm up to him as others, keeping to themselves or staying with their families while Kurt leads sing-alongs, painting lessons, hosts movie nights, and reads aloud during story time. He has developed a steady routine in the five weeks since he began volunteering. So on the Tuesday during the second week of October he waves hello to the security personnel by the front entrance like he usually does. He rides up the same elevator and is buzzed into the unit by Rosie, the first nurse he met with the auburn hair. And with his usual wide smile in place, he strolls into the playroom with a new four-pack of Disney themed puzzles under his arm.

But when he walks in, the kids are already sitting in a circle, staring up at a boy with loosely gelled curls coiffed into a fluffy side part, bright hazel eyes, and a sapphire acoustic guitar perched on his lap. Kurt is caught completely off guard as he realises, Oh god, it’s him! It’s the guy from the video!

He looks shorter in person than Kurt assumed. In both the photo on the bulletin board and the video his hair was ungelled and wild. Kurt vividly remembers his dark curls bouncing as he bopped his head along to the music while impersonating Timon and Pumba for the younger kids. He’s dressed in another carefully selected outfit though— bright red pants, a black polo and a white bow tie with black polka dots on it.

“Kurt!” A few of them yell excitedly.

“Ah, so you’re the famous Kurt I’ve been hearing so much about,” The boy with the guitar says, that same unwavering grin already in place. “Nice to finally meet you, I’m Blaine.”

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just-an-anxious-mess · 3 years

Text

Double Standards (Part 2)

Part 1

Trigger Warning: Mentions of toxic parents, transphobia, mentions of past abuse, dead naming, wrong pronoun usage, low self esteem, unhealthy coping mechanisms, ableism, seasonal depression, thoughts of suicide and self harm. The Remus angst train will not be stopping.

They sat in their room trying to ignore their spiralling thoughts. They should have known better than to slip up and make a comment about their gender identity at dinner.

They'd known it wouldn't go down well and yet they'd still said something. Remus blamed it on their impulsivity and desire to feel validated for once.

Things had started off ok at first. They'd been forced out shopping with their mother and had come across another enby in the wild which had been great. They'd had a discussion about preferred pronouns while their mum and Roman had been in earshot.

Roman had of course been a complete ass the whole time round the shops and Remus was still furious about the leaves incident but they managed to hold themselves back from doing anything rash like breaking his nose which they felt was incredibly nice of them.

The individual at the checkout had given Remus a sudden boost in confidence and rekindled their motivation to correct their parents when they slipped up.

With this new energy they corrected their mother and the three of them (Remus, Roman and their mother) also ended up having a conversation about the LGBTQ+ on the journey home.

All in all things were going good and when they got home they decided to take the cashiers words to heart.

They had told Remus that their 5 year old cousin respected their pronouns and name more than their parents and so with this knowledge in mind Remus decided to talk to Patton.

"Hey Patton? My name is Remus now and instead of saying she or her when talking about me, I'd prefer you to use They and Them."

Patton had looked up at them with barely a moments hesitation and replied "Ok Remus."

Remus felt like their heart was going to burst at Pattons words and they couldn't fight the enormous smile that spread across their lips, especially as Patton continued to use Remus instead of their deadname.

Then dinner happened.

Everyone was sitting around the table as usual when Remus's mum used their deadname when speaking to them. Remus sighed but felt a little reluctant to correct her in front of their father, unsure if his infamous temper would explode at Remus 'backchatting' their mum.

Patton of course spoke up then, slipping up slightly thanks to hearing the deadname being used.

"It's Remus."

Remus was surprised when Roman spoke up on their behalf and was immediately suspicious, frowning slightly at his sudden jump to their defence.

"I call you Remus but mummy calls you [Deadname}" Patton stated, looking directly at their mother.

"That's because I named her after a friend of mines younger sister who died while I was pregnant with her."

Remus winced slightly, already having heard this story many times before. They avoided eye contact with their mother as she continued.

"The names I used to name her carry significant meaning to me so if I forget to call her Remus it's because of that. My friends sister was only 13 when she died and I swore to name you after her in her memory."

Remus just managed to stop from sliding down in their seat, guilt and shame suddenly weighing heavily on them as they thought on their mothers words.

Maybe they should have chosen something closer to their mothers friends sisters name? Maybe then there wouldn't have been as much issue with the whole nonbinary thing?

"I don't even know why you changed your name to Remus anyway? Names shouldn't define your gender. You didn't have to change your name, besides they're pretty much the same anyway."

Remus stared at Roman in shock and horror as they registered his words and felt sick as their mother made a noise of agreement and everyone seemed to just carry on with dinner as if nothing had happened.

When dinner ended Remus made a beeline straight to their room where they proceeded to think and overthink everything that had just happened.

All the stuff their family said weighed on them heavily to the point where they stared off into space for a bit as a horrifying thought crossed their mind.

What if they were faking all this? What if they weren't really nonbinary and it was just all a ploy for attention?

Thoughts of a similar nature bounced around their head, driving them mad with panic and making them rethink everything.

Stressed and in disarray Remus paced up and down, shaking their hands in a way similar to how they usually stimmed.

Eventually they sat down at their computer and tried to distract their buzzing mind with YouTube or music. It didn't have much of an effect.

Eventually they contacted Logan and let him know what had happened. As usual he was logical and spoke sense, even when Remus wasn't in a state to really register it.

His words somewhat reassured Remus. For now.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Still feeling down from what had happened a couple days previously Remus didn't make as much of an effort to correct Patton or Roman anymore but sometimes their brothers would remember on their own.

Remus spent a lot of time trying to figure out why their parents seemed to have such an issue with their identity but there wasn't really anything they could come up with except their parents were just stuck in the way they'd been brought up.

Things eventually reached boiling point at dinner a few nights later.

Dinner always seemed to be the catalyst for shit hitting the fan. It was probably because that was the only time the entire family was present in the same room for extended periods of time.

It all started with Roman doing an impression of Stitch. It wasn't terrible but it was mildly annoying to Remus's ears. They'd rather eat dinner in peace.

"are you doing a Nelson Mandela impression?" Their mother asked, grinning like she'd made a hilarious joke.

"What? It's Stitch from Lilo and Stitch." Roman and Remus said at the same time, sharing confused looks which became exasperated as their mother continued.

"It sounds exactly like Nelson Mandela, you racist." She laughed, loud and grating on Remus's ears as she nudged their father who was also grinning.

Roman glared at the two of them and tried to again reiterate that it was an impression of Stitch.

"You're a racist, it's exactly the same as Nelson Mandela's voice." their father said, speaking over Roman which was a sure fire way to set off his infamous temper.

"I'm not racist! I don't even know what he sounds like, I was just doing an impression of a cartoon character. Not knowing that my Stitch impression sounds like..."

"That's how racism starts, ignorance!" both their parents were laughing now and Remus wanted nothing more than to shout for them to stop but they kept their mouth shut, something Roman had never learnt to do as he once again spoke up.

"Out of everyone here, you guys are the most racist. You continuously use outdated terms and words that are considered offensive in our current time period."

"Oh we're racist are we?"

"Yes! You're the least PC people in our whole family."

Their mother scoffed while their father was still grinning and shaking his head in disbelief at Romans words.

"The whole family? Even grandad?"

"Yes actually, at least grandad doesn't say anything homophobic or too racist in front of us."

"Actually I think it's the fact that you pretend to be better than him but you're on the same level when it comes to outdated and offensive comments and words."

For once Remus and Roman were working together to try and stop their parents from being as bigoted and offensive.

Perhaps it was the fact they were actually working together or maybe it was just because they had no response, the dining room fell into a slightly uncomfortable silence.

After a few moments of silence their mother spoke up once again, eyes locked onto Remus.

"are you going to change your middle name too?"

"wha..?" Remus was completely caught off guard by the question.

"Are you going to change the middle name? I mean it has sentimental meaning and your nan was so happy when i told her I was using her middle name for yours. You were her first grandchild. so are you going to change it?"

Remus struggled to come up with a response, feeling like they were being interrogated and put on the spot.

Once again Roman came to their defence.

"You can't pressure someone into going by a name they don't identify with by telling them it has meaning to you. It has meaning to you but it's not how they identify and it's selfish to expect them to stick with it just because of your feelings about the name."

"I named her after my friends little sister who died!"

"Yes, we know, you keep saying but it's still not fair to Remus to basically emotionally blackmail them into sticking with a name they don't identify with."

Remus watched their mother and brother in shock, a warm feeling in their chest at the fact Roman was sticking up for them in such a way.

The warm feeling was immediately replaced by dread as their father spoke up, his grin still in place but it quickly disappeared.

"I'll say whatever the fuck I want to. If you don't like it then you can fuck off. It's my fucking house and I'll fucking say what I fucking want to. And Remus is a stupid fucking name. You're [Deadname]. Don't like it? Then move out!"

With each word their father said the room grew more and more tense and Remus felt their eyes prickling as the dread was replaced with hurt at the knowledge their parents would clearly never accept them as they truly were.

They remained silent, staring down at their plate, trying to ignore the few tears starting to trail down their face.

They focused on shovelling food into their mouth, anticipating the end of dinner when they could make a bid for freedom to their room and breakdown in privacy.

As subtly as they could Remus wiped their eyes, determined not to let either of their parents see just how much their words had effected them. Plus Remus didn't want to give their father an excuse to have a go at them for being weak/overreacting.

Eventually both parents left the table and Roman and Remus were alone in the dining room with the task of clearing up.

Roman was still furious at the conversation during dinner and kept trying to talk to Remus about it but Remus was very aware of their mother being in the other room and the fact Roman tended to get louder when talking about something he was passionate about so they shushed him and made a point of reminding him of where they were.

Eventually Remus was able to escape back to their room and that's when they fully allowed their walls to crumble.

The reality of what the disastrous dinner conversation meant hit them full force and for the first time in a while old urges began to plague their mind.

They collapsed into their computer chair and sobbed silently into their hands, a skill they'd had to learn out of necessity many years ago due to various things.

The little voice in their head they thought they'd finally managed to silence began whispering and Remus clenched their hands into fists in their hair, trying their best to ignore it as it seemed to get louder.

The temptation to give in was overwhelming as the fact they could never safely be their true self around their parents began to really sink in. Then a small spark of hope hit them as they remembered someone who had always been supporting them and fighting their corner, no matter what.

Logan.

In a last ditch effort to rid themself of the old self destructive urges they sent Logan a message and filled him in on how dinner had gone.

It didn't take long for Logan to respond with an optimistic message about getting them out of there as soon as possible and reassuring Remus that their name was just as beautiful as their last and that their father was being an asshole.

Remus felt slightly better but their thoughts were still spiralling and they couldn't ignore the awful feeling welling up inside them as a question filled their mind that they had no answer to.

Why can't they accept me?

They sent Logan this question, still wiping tears from their face as they waited for his response.

Logan replied and Remus scowled, ignoring the fresh tears that spilled down their face as they told Logan that he couldn't promise that they would accept them eventually, that's not how life works.

Logan tried to bring up the fact that Remus's parents had accepted their sexuality but Remus scoffed and pointed out that the real reason their parents had 'accepted' their sexuality is because they were with Logan so for all intents and purposes they could kid themselves that Remus was straight as they were with a guy.

Logan told them that they'd do anything and everything they could in the future to use Remus's name around them as much as possible until they couldn't help but use it themselves.

Remus didn't think that would work but didn't say that, instead choosing not to reply as they couldn't think of anything else to say. Instead they began blasting music at full volume to try and drown out their thoughts.

They lost themself in their music and even began drawing, an old coping mechanism they rarely used anymore but it was a much healthier one than the one they were trying their hardest to ignore.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The next few days seemed to pass without much incident, the explosive dinner being forgotten and ignored by everyone as if it never happened.

Of course it was all Remus could think of as they went through the motions of everyday life, wincing every time Patton called them Remus instead of getting the warm feeling of validation because they were terrified their father might get angry again at the reminder.

There was a moment when Remus was trying to escape to their room and their father wanted them to come back downstairs and so he shouted "Oi! Woman!"

Remus felt a wave of revulsion wash through them and grit their teeth to fight down the urge to scream, instead standing at the top of the stairs and answering like nothing was wrong.

As time passed the intrusive thoughts seemed to increase in regularity, every trip downstairs they had thoughts of throwing themselves down them, washing their hands they held their hands under the hot tap as long as they were able and sometimes out of nowhere the urge to scratch at their skin until it bled would overwhelm them.

They managed to fight through these situations by reminding themselves of Logan and their friends but there were a few close calls where they only just kept themselves from doing anything.

It didn't help that it was starting to get closer to the time of year Remus dreaded most.

Christmas.

They loved winter but Christmas and all the things that came with it was a nightmare.

It was a time they couldn't help but associate with awful times.

So many years they'd spent in their room crying over some sort of family crisis or just generally feeling unwanted and they came to hate it more and more as the years went by.

This year would probably be just as bad as ever as things had really took a downturn this year.

Losing people was never easy but Remus seemed to lose everyone around this time so there were various dates they dreaded in November and December.

It was also the time of year their mental health always plummeted and intrusive thoughts of times when they'd almost succeeded with something drastic were plentiful.

They didn't remember the exact dates of those moments but they didn't need to.

Luckily they had Logan and Virgil and Janus to fall back on. Without them Remus dreaded to think what might have happened.

They were in a better place mentally now than they had been and they had several coping mechanisms in place that were relatively healthy.

Nothing particularly big happened in the next week or so but there were a few small instances which did start to add up, causing Remus's stress levels to reach almost breaking point.

They felt frustrated and ashamed that such tiny things could effect them so much and though they tried their best to ignore the minor inconveniences they started to pile up.

It started with a simple thing. Remus's parents suddenly started to buy a different brand of soft drink than usual due to price which was all well and good but Remus was used to the other one, the cheaper one tasted Wrong and Different and they felt slightly on edge.

The next thing was bigger and pissed Remus off a considerable amount. Their mother was already wrapping things for Christmas for their two youngest brothers and she had as always gone overboard with three black sacks full of wrapped gifts which she then handed to Remus.

"Wait what?" Remus asked, having zoned out midway through the conversation and making their mother huff in annoyance.

"I said go put these in your room somewhere Patton won't find them."

"But I don't have anywhere to put them!" Remus exclaimed indignantly and frowned as their mother raised her voice angrily.

"Where else do you suggest they be put? There's no room in mine and your dads room, Romans room also has no room and they can't stay down here. Just clear up some of the junk in your room and you'll have plenty of room."

Remus growled and muttered under their breath and reluctantly dragged the bags up to their room where they turned in circles in a frustrated moment of panic as they struggled to figure out where they could put them.

Despite what their mother had said they didn't actually have much room and while their room wasn't spotless it wasn't a complete mess like both parents liked to claim, it was just a very lived in space.

Eventually Remus ended up shoving the bags down the end of their bed and decided that if Patton saw them when he did his usual thing of bursting into their room then it wasn't their fault.

Still the bags at the end of their bed made them feel restless, the unfamiliar objects invading what they had considered their safe space but even without the bags of presents Remus was struggling to consider their room their safe place with each passing day.

The next change was a very large one. Despite only having it for two years Remus's parents had decided to get a new couch which had thrown Remus into a spiral of thoughts, none of them good. The different couch was larger than their previous ones and meant that when it came time to put the tree up there wouldn't be room where they used to put it, yay another change!

It would have to be put in front of the living room window where it would be very easy for Patton to bump into it and smash the glass decorations.

This thought sent Remus down a dark path of imagining laying in the wreckage of broken glass.

They shook this off and tried their best to stay as together as possible.

This worked slightly until the day the new sofa arrived.

Everything was hectic and there was lots of shouting from both parents which resulted in Remus falling back on an old coping mechanism.

To avoid breaking down in front of either parent Remus shut off their emotions. Or at least enough of them so they didn't end up crying.

The issue with this particular coping mechanism was Remus found it difficult to go back to 'normal' so to speak.

They were sort of glad that they were still able to block their emotions when their help was demanded with the tree.

The various decorations their mother had collected over the years usually would cause a torrent of various emotions but they remained rather unaffected through the whole process.

The snide comments and little digs barely registered as they monotonously helped decorate the tree.

The final decoration to be placed on the tree was a new one as it was every year due to family tradition. This year however it was a tribute to their mothers mum who'd died a few months back.

Their mum was instantly in floods of tears and Roman placed a hand on her shoulder, looking close to tears himself.

Remus watched as the decoration was placed on a branch and both clung to each other, teary eyed and sniffing.

Remus blinked a few times to try and escape the numb state they'd managed to get themself in but it was no use.

Their father in a rare moment of understanding gave them a small nudge and then lifted their hand and placed it on their mums shoulder.

They left their hand there for a few seconds before patting awkwardly, completely out of their depth right now. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The next few days they found themselves incapable of getting out of bed. They were tired all the time and would drift in and out of sleep throughout the day, only getting up to do housework.

Their thoughts were full of worst case scenario and thoughts of what they'd do if they didn't have Logan and Virgil and Janus.

None of them were good and all their thoughts seemed to have become twisted and dark.

It was reaching a point where even talking to their friends and Logan was becoming difficult.

They knew that isolating themself from such supportive individuals was a bad idea but they couldn't seem to stop. There were no brakes on the self destruct train.

They were managing to refrain from various things but as the month of December progressed they knew it would only get harder.

Tag List under the cut:

General tag list: @mcfreakin-childproof-caps @amethystdarkwolf @patchworkofstars @kitkat-doodles @unikornavenger @dolphin-squirrel @sympathetic-deceit-trash @starryfirefliesbloggo @cakercanart @neonb-fly @kaymischief25 @punsterterry @aprilthevene @theoddkidnextdoor @fuckingemoace @i-sold-my-soul-to-thefandom @im-so-infinitesimal @sea-blue-child @thecatchat @iris-sanders-athena @saphael-malec102 @smedenn @corkeecoderyt @sopi-montezzz @illogicaldeath @deadpanstar @theanxiousfander @lesliealiceinwonderland @wicked-universe @anxious-is-the-name @a-black-pegasus @erlenmeyertrashofsandersides @ace-the-weekly-doodler @luarpice @novusavis @the-life-ofa-troubled-ace @heck-im-lost @nerdy-as-heck @pansexual-cat @ravens-rambling @echomist13 @myownhappilyeverafter @im-a-sexy-mouse @xx-fandom-potato-xx @bisexualellaphants @redundant-statements-for-400 @noahlovescoffee @akl1 @love-ya-to-the-moon @misty2-0 @cdragontogacotar @shad-ster @chemicallyimbalancedromance @ivescottthis @flag-spinning-demiboy @moonstonefox12 @stupidfangirl107 @teegankitty @stormastrote @skylerskywing @oonagh-una @ab-artist @lydialightwood-bane @remythehero @amberrose80q3 @official-spookifers-child @amazonprimebox

#just an anxious mess's fics #remus sanders angst #intrulogical #tw ableism #tw suicide mention #tw self deprecation #tw mentions of self harm #tw suicidal thoughts #tw toxic family #tw deadnaming #tw depression #tw seasonal depression #tw loss

27 notes · View notes

suf-lives-rent-free · 3 years

Text

Fragments

Everything below is just my opinion; I am in no way trying to say that how I feel about this is the one correct take or whatever.

I know a lot of people like this episode and what happens in it, but I don’t. I totally understand that some people just don’t want to see any negativity, period, but negativity is not inherently bad or wrong.

Negative opinions, even about something you enjoy, can be valid too - regardless of whether you happen to agree with them or not.

Also I get very salty near the end of this, and that might be entertaining to people who stan this episode?

I am aware that a lot of people – the majority, I’m pretty sure – think that the episode is a masterpiece. And on some level, I see where they’re coming from with that assessment.

The episode is boarded beautifully, the backgrounds – especially during the training montage – are stunning as always. The music is fantastic, and the performances are great too. In these respects, Fragments is a stand-out episode; I agree.

(Like look at this. Gorgeous.)

However, something that’s bothered me since I saw the episode is the writers’ decision to write it into the story that Steven shatters Jasper.

Now, I know what you’re thinking: I just don’t get it. I’m purposefully misinterpreting the story to say it’s bad. Steven brings her back to life; and it’s not like he meant to do it in the first place. I just don’t have the capacity to understand the sublime nature of the show’s storytelling. I’m an SU crit and all I want to do is make the real fans feel about themselves for liking it.

Uhhhh... no. Nah. That ain’t it chief.

It’s true; I am not a writer. I’m just a passive consumer of media. However, I do not agree with the viewpoint that in order to properly understand or critique a thing you need to have the expertise and/or experience in order to make something similar.

For example, if I were to put something I drew when I was 10 years old next to something I drew yesterday, it shouldn’t take a person who has had an education in fine art to tell you that the latter drawing is better-looking than the former.

That’s how I approach media consumption and criticism; when I criticise a writing decision, I am doing so as a consumer. I’m not saying I could write it better, or even that my opinion is objectively correct and the writer is wrong or bad. I’m just saying that I didn’t like a thing. Which, I would hope, is allowed?

Okay, defensive hedging over, back to the point; I don’t like that they had Steven shatter Jasper.

[I get markedly saltier from this point on, fyi]

Full admission of bias here: one of the things I really cherish about the original show is how they wrote Steven’s character; he’s a boy with interests that don’t rigidly conform to gender stereotypes. He likes ‘boyish’ things and ‘girly’ things, and that’s okay; thats just him. In cartoons when I was growing up, characters like Steven would be the butt of jokes about being ‘girly’ or thinly-veiled homophobia. I find him very relatable, and I want to acknowledge that yes, that is probably a significant part of why I have such an issue with this episode’s twist.

I am not trying to say that he’s a perfect baby angel or whatever; Steven regularly gets frustrated and angry. He does some pretty manipulative and dickish things to people around him (stop trying to make Larsadie happen, Steven. It’s not going to happen). He is a flawed character who fucks up sometimes. And he’s not 100% peaceful either; he acts violently when he defends himself against corrupted Gems and Homeworld Gems (and Crystal Gems on occasion *cough*Bismuth*cough*).

However, he has a pacifistic temperament; whenever it’s possible, he prefers that problems be solved without needless violence or hurt. And I like that; in most media, it’s rare to have a male protagonist who wants to solve their problems without jumping straight to punching things.

When he accidentally frees Centipeedle, he convinces the Gems to step off and allow him to try and rehabilitate her peacefully; he even notices that the Gems’ weapons are a trigger for her, and make them put them away. He frees Lapis against the Gems’ wishes because he recognizes that keeping her prisoner is wrong, and when she steals the ocean, he talks it out and heals her so she can leave Earth peacefully.

He tries to aid Jasper when she starts corrupting, fixes Eyeball’s gemstone when she’s cracked and tries talking Bismuth down when she attacks him with the breaking point. In all of these situations, his words and help are ignored or rejected; he’s forced to resort to violence. And it traumatises him.

We get an entire episode dedicated to the fact that he’s been struggling with processing these awful things that happened.

Even in Future, Steven shows hesitation about engaging in unncecessary violence; he gives into Jasper’s goading for a fight after what’s implied to be dozens of failed tries at making her come to Little Homeschool, and he spends an entire episode trying to keep Lapis from squashing the two rogue Lapis Lazulis.

The only time he hops into a fight willingly is after Eyeball and Aquamarine hold Greg hostage, and even then they pose a clear threat to his and Greg’s safety and have made it clear that they want to hurt him emotionally and physically. Even at that, he stops and switches tactics to talking them down as soon as they lose their focus and start bickering with each other.

(I mean, he fails. But it’s the thought that counts.)

I personally find it really jarring that the writers found it appropriate to write it into the series that this same character – over the course of three (3) days – goes from disliking mindless violence for mindless violence’s sake to happily engaging in the destruction of plants and animals* and has done a total 180 on his willingness to spar with Jasper, to the point that he instigates their rematch.

*(You best believe plenty of small mammals and birds – y’know, like the nest Steven saved in the first episode – died as he and Jasper felled tree after tree, not to mention all of those displaced by the destruction of their habitats, and the potential loss of food sources from some of those trees.)

You’re telling me that it’s a reasonable character beat for this boy to gleefully laugh like an anime supervillain at his sudden new-found joy in fighting, then pin Jasper in place, taunt her for helping him get so strong, and hit her so hard that she breaks into pieces and dies?

You’re telling me that that’s an in-character thing for Steven Quartz Diamond Cutie-Pie DeMayo Universe do to another character?

(And yes I am purposefully dancing around talking about the mental health stuff because if I did that I’d have to go on a whole other tangent about Growing Pains and fuck I just don’t feel like it right now lmao)

Going back to Mindful Education, another big thing we see Steven struggle with is the idea that his mother shattered Pink Diamond. This knowledge sits heavily with him; it makes him sympathetic to the Diamonds, even under the circumstances in which he sees them (escaping from the Human Zoo, and being on trial for said murder).

He sees their grief, and he feels awful. He questions who Rose Quartz even was. He knows, based on what Garnet said, that Rose had to do it; there was no other way to free Earth. But he still feels awful seeing the pain that Pink’s loss has caused Blue and Yellow Diamond.

In Steven Universe, shattering is clearly equated with execution/death multiple times. When Pearl and Garnet fret over the crack in Amethyst’s gemstone worsening. When Blue Diamond threatens to break Ruby. When Bismuth introduces the breaking point, and Steven recoils at the sight of what it does. If you want to take the fact that Gem shards are sentient and desperate to become whole again into account, you could even argue that it’s a fate worse than death. This particular act of violence is treated very, very seriously.

When we find out that Rose shattered Pink Diamond, there is a season and a half long arc unpacking the implications and consequences of this one action, and how this knowledge forever alters Steven’s mental image of his mother. And she didn’t even kill anyone. It was a lie!

In Steven Universe Future, Steven shatters Jasper 4 episodes before the end of the series. And it’s only brought up twice; once for a big *gasp* moment during his breakdown in Everything’s Fine, and in I Am My Monster by Pearl, when she has to fill-in Bismuth, Lapis and Peridot. Notably, it is never discussed around or by Jasper. Y’know. The person who actually died.

No indication of how (or even if) what Steven did is affecting his own self-image after his initial breakdown, how Jasper feels about what she went through beyond falling back into the Era 1 and 2 mindset. No inkling of how the knowledge that Steven killed somebody has affected how anyone in his life thinks or feels about him; when Pearl brings it up in I Am My Monster, she seems to not even really believe it’s true.

If there are any consequences or talks about this incident, they’re skipped over between I Am My Monster and The Future, and we’re expected to assume that Steven and his therapist are dealing with it, I guess?

And yes. It was an accident. He did bring her back to life. But it still happened. If you hit someone over the head and they stop breathing, just because the paramedics are able to resusitate and stabilize them afterwards doesn’t mean you never hit them.

But here, it’s shoved aside because dwelling on it would take far too much time, and risks framing Steven in an unsympathetic way when he’s meant to be on the cusp of a breakdown.

It just feels like careless writing to me. They really, really wanted their big action scene with Steven and Jasper, but didn’t think (or maybe weren’t interested in thinking) about the seriousness or consequences of what Steven shattering someone would entail.

In my opinion, Steven shattering Jasper is one of the cheapest, laziest things they could have ever done with his character (and hers, for that matter). To me, the entire thing feels entirely out of character. It’s pure shock value; nothing more.

So yeah. That particular writing decision just does not work for me. And if you disagree... well that’s fine? It’s fine. We can agree to disagree? I’ve read a lot of defense/praise for this episode, and honestly even after processing all of those opinions and all the time my thoughts about this plotline have been stewing in my brain, I still feel the same way.

#steven universe #steven universe future #negativity #cw death

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delicatejisung · 4 years

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𝐟𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐧𝐝𝐬 𝐨𝐮𝐭𝐬𝐢𝐝𝐞 𝐧𝐜𝐭 & 𝐰𝐚𝐲𝐯

𝙨𝙢𝙩𝙤𝙬𝙣 𝙛𝙧𝙞𝙚𝙣𝙙𝙨:

✯ 𝑒𝓍𝑜:

[i seperated the gifs because her closeness with the 8 aren’t the same with yixing’s]

- okay, yanna doesn’t really remember HOW she became close with kai

- but everytime an smtown concert happens, kai never fails to give her a high five and would sometimes throw confetti at her

- she’s really awkward towards kyungsoo, because she’s a huge fan of his acting

- xiumin and suho often give her a thumbs up backstage everytime she finishes a performance

- chanyeol, she finds him really funny but one time he high-fived her and her hand hurt for lyk days

- she really admires chen’s voice and joked one time to baekhyun about wanting to be a godmother and he told him so ...... maybe?

- baekhyun and yanna became friends when she accidentally put her arm around him at an smtown concert, everyone was shocked but baekhyun just went with it

- the next concerts, he would always always ALWAYS shove her playfully so everyone guessed they became friends

- it was confirmed when baekhyun talked about her in a guesting, saying that having younger friends like her made him feel very old

- yanna has a crush on sehun and it’s something she can never talk about to anyone so she just bows everytime he’s around

- he isn’t really helping much because he often goes “how have you been?” everytime they meet and she’s just lyk shdjjsjdjdjs inside

- now lay is a whole different story

- yanna has always been vocal about idolizing yixing, specially when it comes to dancing

- yixing didn’t know much about her except that she was in nct dream (which he was familiar with but both weren’t sure how to approach each other) but was told that she might join him in “idol producer season 1” as a possible sub mentor who just visits the trainees occasionally

- he wasn’t confident with the idea but changed his mind when they had a meeting with her

- yixing didn’t expect a girl this young to be full of ideas, especially in helping people she doesn’t even know yet

- yanna simply said “i know how hard it was to become a trainee, a little help won’t be a bother to me at all. besides, i don’t think i’ll be of much help anyways.” while laughing

- so yeah, yanna gained his respect before, during and after filming the show

- he often contacts yanna to cheer her on

- yanna always tells him how much she misses the show

- yanna doesn’t usually approach them first because she’s shy and they’re still her seniors no matter how friendly they are

✯ 𝓇𝑒𝒹 𝓋𝑒𝓁𝓋𝑒𝓉

- yanna was also in sr15g so ....

- irene always fixes her hair even when there’s nothing wrong with it, lyk she would even mess it up just to fix it again

- yanna is always seen sitting on seulgi’s lap

- wendy and her have the best conversations tbh

- yanna would 100% jump on yeri’s back for no particular reason

- they’re always seen skipping together during concerts

- joy and yanna can’t get through a day without complimenting each other

- oh and they always remind her that she can have thousands of “hyungs” but they’re her only “unnies”

✯ 𝒽𝑒𝑒𝒸𝒽𝓊𝓁

- literally treats yanna like a younger sister

- they love joking around each other

- he believes yanna would do great in variety shows

- yanna heard about his relationship by accident and told him

- he made her promise not to tell anyone

- he was like “if that gets out, you’ll also have to reveal your relationship” and she was like “I’M NOT EVEN IN A RELATIONSHIP”

- everytime a male idol reveals that they have a crush on yanna on knowing brothers, heechul goes “NAE DONGSAENG?”

✯ 𝓂𝒾𝓇𝒶𝑔𝑒

[ @mirage-official, please check them out bc i love them & who made them !!!]

- okay so hyeyoung is one of yanna’s looooong line of moms (everyone wants to adopt yanna, wbk)

- she’s someone yanna depends on more and more each day as she grows up/older

- yes, the boys are a lot of help but yanna’s still a girl and sometimes she needs girl advice

- when she does, hyeyoung’s one call away unless she’s busy with other stuff

- hyeyoung introduced her to journals and to give her old notebook a break

- but also, yanna never makes hyeyoung forget that she’s still pretty young and she should enjoy being spontaneous sometimes

- unplanned trip to jeju? totally would be a yanna idea as she sits with her shades on ignoring hyeyoung’s questions

- and yes, yanna will be hyeyoung’s matchmaker so wait for her to do her magic on her and that guy

- evie is a WHOLE different story

- evie is like that cool aunt yanna talks to when she wants to curse someone out

- she vents to evie

- and evie’s cool so she’s like “hit me, it’ll make you feel better” but yanna’s like “....no.”

- yanna loves it when evie hugs her

- she giggles so hard because the boys who are scared of evie are just confused when she does

- and yes, yanna LIVES FOR hyuck having a crush on evie

- but also she gets annoyed when evie protects hyuck saying he’s an innocent little boy

- “HE’S NOT, HE’S MEAN TO ME” “it’s because he likes you” “HE DOESN’T, I TOLD YOU HE LIKES YOU” “you’re so funny, yanna”

- they both ship yanren HARD but of course it’s more because of how happy renjun makes yanna, they would fight him if he makes her cry

- basically hyeyoung and evie are like her moms, fans are convinced she’s their love child and she’s fine with it bc yay more love for her

✯ 𝑔𝑒𝓂

[ check her out too, also on @mirage-official !!!]

- gem and yanna had an interesting past that only half of them remembers

- yanna was a trainee focused on debuting and the boys were just loud and friendly that’s why she ended up befriending them, eunmi was shy and that’s why her and yanna didn’t really become friends

- yanna didn’t like her at first but wasn’t mean about it she was just protective but you’ll get to that if you check her out hhh

- basically interactions were really awkward at first because yanna’s always 👀 towards her

- but really yanna’s just wary

- once they got past that and started becoming friends, oh boy

- yanna and gem? besties.

- yanna would protect gem from sm, like literally see her roll her eyes at her manager from time to time bc she got nerve now

- their favorite hobby is sharing their hatred towards sm’s mismanagement

- jk it’s gem making yanna appreciate cartoons like steven universe

- but really a yanna and gem sub-unit is something their individual fanbases will be begging for because we stan powerful women

#nct #nct dream #nct 22nd member #nct dream 8th member #female addition #nct 2018 #yanna huang #huang yanna

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aaronmaurer · 3 years

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TV I Liked in 2020

Every year I reflect on the pop culture I enjoyed and put it in some sort of order.

Was there ever a year more unpredictably tailor-made for peak TV than 2020? Lockdowns/quarantines/stay-at-home orders meant a lot more time at home and the occasion to check out new and old favorites. (I recognize that if you’re lucky enough to have kids or roommates or a S.O., your amount of actual downtime may have been wildly different). While the pandemic resulted in production delays and truncated seasons for many shows, the continued streaming-era trends of limited series and 8-13 episode seasons mean that a lot of great and satisfying storytelling still made its way to the screen. As always, I in no way lay any claims to “best-ness” or completeness – this is just a list of the shows that brought me the most joy and escapism in a tough year and therefore might be worth putting on your radar.

10 Favorites

10. The Right Stuff: Season 1 (Disney+)

As a space program enthusiast, even I had to wonder, does the world really need another retelling of NASA’s early days? Especially since Tom Wolfe’s book has already been adapted as the riveting and iconoclastic Philip Kaufman film of the same name? While some may disagree, I find that this Disney+ series does justify its existence by focusing more on the relationships of the astronauts and their personal lives than the technical science (which may be partially attributable to budget limitations?). The series is kind of like Mad Men but with NASA instead of advertising (and real people, of course), so if that sounds intriguing, I encourage you to give it a whirl.

9. Fargo: Season 4 (FX)

As a big fan of Noah Hawley’s Coen Brothers pastiche/crime anthology series, I was somewhat let down by this latest season. Drawing its influence primarily from the likes of gangster drama Miller’s Crossing – one of the Coens’ least comedic/idiosyncratic efforts – this season is more straightforward than its predecessors and includes a lot of characters and plot-threads that never quite cohere. That said, it is still amongst the year’s most ambitious television with another stacked cast, and the (more-or-less) standalone episode “East/West” is enough to make the season worthwhile.

8. The Last Dance (ESPN)

Ostensibly a 10-episode documentary about the 1990s Chicago Bulls’ sixth and final NBA Championship run, The Last Dance actually broadens that scope to survey the entire history of Michael Jordan and coach Phil Jackson’s careers with the team. Cleverly structured with twin narratives that chart that final season as well as an earlier timeframe, each episode also shifts the spotlight to a different person, which provides focus and variety throughout the series. And frankly, it’s also just an incredible ride to relive the Jordan era and bask in his immeasurable talent and charisma – while also getting a snapshot of his outsized ego and vices (though he had sign-off on everything, so it’s not exactly a warts-and-all telling).

7. The Queen’s Gambit (Netflix)

This miniseries adaptation of the Walter Tevis coming-of-age novel about a chess prodigy and her various addictions is compulsively watchable and avoids the bloat of many other streaming series (both in running time and number of episodes). The 1960s production design is stunning and the performances, including Anya Taylor-Joy in the lead role, are convincing and compelling.

6. The Great: Season 1 (hulu)

Much like his screenplay for The Favourite, Tony McNamara’s series about Catherine the Great rewrites history with a thoroughly modern and irreverent sensibility (see also: Sofia Coppola’s Marie Antoinette). Elle Fanning brings a winning charm and strength to the title role and Nicholas Hoult is riotously entertaining as her absurdly clueless and ribald husband, Emperor Peter III. Its 10-episodes occasionally tilt into repetitiveness, but when the ride is this fun, why complain? Huzzah!

5. Dispatches From Elsewhere (AMC)

A limited (but possibly anthology-to-be?) series from creator/writer/director/actor Jason Segal, Dispatches From Elsewhere is a beautiful and creative affirmation of life and celebration of humanity. The first 9 episodes form a fulfilling and complete arc, while the tenth branches into fourth wall-breaking meta territory, which may be a bridge too far for some (but is certainly ambitious if nothing else). Either way, it’s a movingly realized portrait of honesty, vulnerability and empathy, and I highly recommend visiting whenever it inevitably makes its way to Netflix, or elsewhere…

4. What We Do in the Shadows: Season 2 (FX)

The second season of WWDITS is more self-assured and expansive than the first, extending a premise I loved from its antecedent film – but was skeptical could be sustained – to new and reinvigorated (after)life. Each episode packs plenty of laughs, but for my money, there is no better encapsulation of the series’ potential and Matt Berry’s comic genius than “On The Run,” which guest-stars Mark Hamill and features Laszlo’s alter ego Jackie Daytona, regular human bartender.

3. Ted Lasso: Season 1 (AppleTV+)

Much more than your average fish-out-of-water comedy, Jason Sudeikis’ Ted Lasso is a brilliant tribute to humaneness, decency, emotional intelligence and good coaching – not just on the field. The fact that its backdrop is English Premier League Soccer is just gravy (even if that’s not necessarily represented 100% proficiently). A true surprise and gem of the year.

2. Mrs. America (hulu)

This FX miniseries explores the women’s liberation movement and fight for the Equal Rights Amendment in the 1970s and its opposition by conservative women including Phyllis Schlafly. One of the most ingenious aspects of the series is centering each episode on a different character, which rotates the point of view and helps things from getting same-y. With a slate of directors including Ryan Bowden and Anna Fleck (Half-Nelson, Sugar, Captain Marvel) and an A-List cast including Cate Blanchett, Rose Byrne, Uzo Aduba, Sarah Paulson, Margo Martindale, Tracey Ulman and Elizabeth Banks, its quality is right up there with anything on the big screen. And its message remains (sadly) relevant as ever in our current era.

1. The Good Place: Season 4 (NBC)

It was tempting to omit The Good Place this year or shunt it to a side category since only the final 4 episodes aired in 2020, but that would have been disingenuous. This show is one of my all-time favorites and it ended perfectly. The series finale is a representative mix of absurdist humor and tear-jerking emotion, built on themes of morality, self-improvement, community and humanity. (And this last run of eps also includes a pretty fantastic Timothy Olyphant/Justified quasi-crossover.) Now that the entire series is available to stream on Netflix (or purchase in a nice Blu-ray set), it’s a perfect time to revisit the Good Place, or check it out for the first time if you’ve never had the pleasure.

5 of the Best Things I Caught Up With

Anne With An E (Netflix/CBC)

Another example of classic literature I had no prior knowledge of (see also Little Women and Emma), this Netflix/CBC adaptation of Anne of Green Gables was strongly recommended by several friends so I finally gave it a shot. While this is apparently slightly more grown-up than the source material, it’s not overly grimdark or self-serious but rather humane and heartfelt, expanding the story’s scope to include Black and First Nations peoples in early 1800s Canada, among other identities and themes. It has sadly been canceled, but the three seasons that exist are heart-warming and life-affirming storytelling. Fingers crossed that someday we’ll be gifted with a follow-up movie or two to tie up some of the dangling threads.

Better Call Saul (AMC)

I liked Breaking Bad, but I didn’t have much interest in an extended “Breaking Bad Universe,” as much as I appreciate star Bob Odenkirk’s multitalents. Multiple recommendations and lockdown finally provided me the opportunity to catch up on this prequel series and I’m glad I did. Just as expertly plotted and acted as its predecessor, the series follows Jimmy McGill/Saul Goodman on his own journey to disrepute but really makes it hard not to root for his redemption (even as you know that’s not where this story ends).

Joe Pera Talks With You (Adult Swim)

It’s hard to really describe the deadpan and oddly soothing humor of comedian Joe Pera whose persona, in the series at least, combines something like the earnestness of Mr. Rogers with the calm enthusiasm of Bob Ross. Sharing his knowledge on the likes of how to get the best bite out of your breakfast combo, growing a bean arch and this amazing song “Baba O’Reilly” by the Who – have you heard it?!? – Pera provides arch comfort that remains solidly on the side of sincerity. The surprise special he released during lockdown, “Relaxing Old Footage with Joe Pera,” was a true gift in the middle of a strange and isolated year.

The Mandalorian (Disney+)

One of the few recent Star Wars properties that lives up to its potential, the adventures of Mando and Grogu is a real thrill-ride of a series with outstanding production values (you definitely want to check out the behind-the-scenes documentary series if you haven’t). I personally prefer the first season, appreciating its Western-influenced vibes and somewhat-more-siloed story. The back half of the second season veers a little too much into fan service and video game-y plotting IMHO but still has several excellent episodes on offer, especially the Timothy Olyphant-infused energy of premiere “The Marshall” and stunning cinematography of “The Jedi.” And, you know, Grogu.

The Tick (Amazon Prime)

I’ve been a fan of the Tick since the character’s Fox cartoon and indie comic book days and also loved the short-lived Patrick Warburton series from 2001. I was skeptical about this Amazon Prime reboot, especially upon seeing the pilot episode’s off-putting costumes. Finally gaining access to Prime this year, I decided to catch up and it gets quite good!, especially in Season 2. First, the costumes are upgraded; second, Peter Serafinowicz’s initially shaky characterization improves; and third, it begins to come into its own identity. The only real issue is yet another premature cancellation for the property, meaning Season 2’s tease of interdimensional alien Thrakkorzog will never be fulfilled. 😢

Bonus! 5 More Honorable Mentions:

City So Real (National Geographic)

The Good Lord Bird (Showtime)

How To with John Wilson: Season 1 (HBO)

Kidding: Season 2 (Showtime)

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt: Kimmy Vs The Reverend (Netflix)

#tv #television

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