#ALSO both my Robin things have involved candy in some way I just thought that was funny bc both fic titles now involve the word ‘sweet’ lmfa

[collectivecloseness]

Omg some more Robin pls?! Maybe some angst or smth?

Enough Sweetness

Robin Buckley x reader

Steve tilted his head up to watch Robin, yet again laughing under his breath, at her humming to another cheesy love song blasting through the radio of family video. This time she was even dancing to it. Again!

He’d let her enjoy her happiness. She genuinely deserved it, and he was kinda living through her vicarious joy in her love life right now. But not when she was about to abdanon him during his shift, and leave him with a tonne of shit to sort. “Hey! Wanna pick up those tapes on the fooor, for the dozenth time?” Steve chirped at her, but he still shook his head as he smiled, when Robin span around to him, beaming widely herself.

Her teeth shone, dancing with the large bag of candyfloss she hadn’t realised she’d been hugging for the past twenty minutes now. “Y/n’s picking me up early. I’ll do it when she gets here!” She waved Steve off, although hopped over to his side, putting away the sugary treat and grinning up at him, so glad each other’s positive energy was bringing the other up more and more! She was still just bouncing on her feet as she stood next to him, asking him yet again if she should change into the other shirt she brought with her, needing his advice with what she should wear on her first date with you.

Yesterday had been massive. An amazing event in Robins usually perilous life. The first time her heart had beat that fast and it wasn’t because of a panic attack, in months. You had asked Robin out, on a date. You!!!

Robin had been desperately and deeply crushing on you for months, ever since you moved to town and became friends with her and Steve! Robin was so pleased you were actually gay, because she had no idea if you had actually been flirting with her when she had with you, holy shit! And thank god you’d been brave enough to make the first move and ask her out, because Robin knew she would’ve been too scared to speak up. Well, minus a trapped life or death situation. Like how she told Steve her... situation.

The entire end of yesterday’s shift, the phone call between the two that had lasted all night, and all of today’s shift, had literally just been Robin and Steve discussing your date tonight! Robin thought Steve was nearly as excited as her. She was so so so glad she could just talk with him about it! Over and over. Even when she was basically just repeating the same thing for the millionth time, Steve still got excited with her when she brought it up, even asking more questions about it that he’d thought up!

They mostly, however, talked about what you two would do, since Robin, half stupidly, said she wanted to be the one to think of the date idea, since you’d been bold enough to ask her in the first place. She panicked until Steve helped her with some ideas, and she finally had decided on a good date! Robin had it all planned out, every detail perfect. She’d even gotten you a present! Just some chocolates. One of the big selection boxes, a brand you specifically brought up liking.

Robin always remembered those things about you. Steve had teased her for an entire month, when on a shopping trip you two had tested loads of perfumes, and then Robin secretly bought the one you liked the most. She did literally douse herself in the stuff, but Steve teasing her about spraying it extra hard whenever you came in, didn’t help her red face when she was trying to get it on with the ladies! Rather, one particular lady. But... those chocolates were golden. Steve said that type of present was okay for a first date too.

Something Robin asked Steve about yet again. Her bag was by the candy section near the front of the store, since you’d be here soon enough and no customers would be at this time. She opened up her bag, showing off the selection box to Steve in person, and not just a peek through her zipped bag. “Are you sure it’s big enough? Or- or is it too big? Or-?”

“Robin it’s chocolate. I’m sure she’ll love it.” Steve chuckled. But Robin only rolled her eyes at him. “You’re a guy, you don’t get it.”

“Well I get dates, since I’ve actually been on some.” Steve teased, raising his elbow up to defend him from Robin’s shove he knew was coming, but both friends still had smirks on their faces. It’d been a part of the reason Robin was so excited anyway. She kept bringing up the last 24 hours how this would be her first proper date!

“Look, y/n will love them. I swear. You didn’t even need chocolate, she likes you.” Steve solemnly vowed, hand to his heart, and the other coming down on Robin’s shoulder. Who just started vibrating under him at the knowledge, like a puppy on a sugar rush. Steve had to physically take his hand back off, she was making it tingly. He still looked at her. Holy shit. Had she just been vibrating this entire time?

“Yeah, but it’ll definitely score points!” Robin chimed, knowingly.

“Well you know what would score points with me? Picking up those tapes I’ve asked you to clear. You said you wanted to split into sections today.”

“Luckily I don’t need to score points with you, I already know you love me.” Robin sung, Steve having his turn to roll his eyes at her now, as Robin moved back over to the wrong side of the room.

“Hey! At least take your bag to the break room. That way I won’t break my neck on that as well.” Steve teased, lifting it up for her to snatch out his hands.

��Okay!” Robin said, balancing her tray of chocolates in one hand and the strap of her bag in the other.

“Y/n will definitely know you’re a creepy stalker if she sees you just staring out the windows.” Steve teased, tidying the tapes on his side of the room, Robin not even caring about giving a comeback today, too cheerful, only a snort, as she turned her back.

But Robin’s luck did have to run out at some point. While she woke up with a great skin day, and she’d found the bottle of conditioner that always made her hair look extra soft, and her best looking clothes had dried in time for her to wear/pack in her work bag... Robin made a mistake.

Robin skipped over to the front desk, where the break room entrance would be. Only to trip over the pile of tapes on her path, and go flying into the dirty carpeted floor.

“Shit!” Steve swore, running over to where he’d seen Robin topple, only hissing as he saw her gift for you, crumpled between her hands and the floor, and the chocolates scattered across the entirety of it. It was broken. But Steve had to quickly move onto Robin, who was face first on the floor, taking her arm and lifting her up a little. “Robin? Hey. Are you okay?” He asked concerned.

Robin felt dazed for a moment, the heels of her hands slightly burning, and embarrassment flooding through her at eating shit like that. But then, as Steve helped her sit up, Robin took sight of all of her chocolates, smashed and thrown around the floor. It was ruined.

Everything was ruined!

Steve’s heart sank deep into his stomach when Robin immediately burst into tears. “Shit, Robin.” He rubbed her shoulder as he stood her up by himself, very little help from his friend, as he quickly determined she wasn’t properly hurt. She was just upset. Her face not red from bashing it, but from how her tears started to flow.

“Sssh ssh ssh ssh. Hey, Robin. It’s okay.” Steve promised, rubbing both her shoulders quickly to try and comfort her, feeling awful as she buried her hand into her face, after staring at more at her gift strewn about.

“Sssshh. I promise y/n won’t mind, eh?” Steve spoke with a smile. But it didn’t work. Robin shook her head vehemently, rubbing the back of her hand against her nose. “No. It’s all ruined!” She sobbed. Steve gave her a quick hug, murmuring a “No it’s not. It’s not ruined.” into her hair, before pulling back with his hands still planted firmly on her shoulders.

Robin only stood in his hold. “I’m so stupid. You told me to pick them up.”

Steve couldn’t have his best friend talking like this, especially not on what was supposed to be one of the best days of her life! “Nah. I’m too bossy, not surprising my words go in one ear half the time.” Steve shrugged, to which, to his glee, gets a small laugh from Robin.

“You’re not bossy.” She moans, sniffling that tiny smile away again.

“Thank you.” Steve still smiles, gratefully holding onto Robin when she pushes herself into his chest for a hug this time. Squeezing her tight in his arms as she hugged his back, his smile dimming a little as he sees the open box, crumpled on the floor. There wasn’t a single chocolate left in the red plastic of the packaging, nothing salvageable. But it wasn’t that big a deal. He just had to focus on Robin right now. Get her happy and date ready again like she was a minute ago.

But then as he pulled back, because he swore he heard her crying more, even though Robin still looked like she needed that hug, Steve’s eyes wandered down. And his face softened in empathy. “Hey... What happened?” He asked gently, looking down to get Robin’s attention on her pant leg, that was very ruffled and messed up, high on her calf.

Robin sniffed, keeping one hand on Steve’s bicep for leverage, as she pulled up her pant leg, and started to feel the small sting of pain now she was moving it about, now she’d noticed it. She had a scrape on her knee. Little dots of blood around a tiny cut, the skin all looking very flushed.

Steve hissed through his teeth, mostly to show Robin he saw it, as he rubbed his hand up her back. “Come on. Let’s go to the break room, get it fixed.”

Steve walked her there, turning on the lights before he propped Robin up on a stool, grabbing the first aid kit and gently dabbing at her scraped knee with an antiseptic wipe. As Robin used the tissues he’d brought, to clean up her snot. Although she was still crying. Steve carefully pressed a bandaid to her knee, before settling on his knees by her front, gently nudging her hand with the back of his finger. “Hey. What’s wrong?” Steve learnt to ask that more than ‘no need to cry’ after that had been ingrained in him as a child. He’d only gotten rid of it after his King Steve days, even then when he was trying to comfort people he cared about.

“It’s okay! You’re still gonna go on your date and have an amazing time. It doesn’t matter that much, really Robin.” He assured her, but he chewed on his lip as Robin didn’t respond, tears still following heavily, only shaking her head with a groan, disagreeing with him.

Steve sighed, deciding to sit down properly at her knees now, knowing that under the layer of glee Robin had for this date, she also was bursting with anxiety. “Why’d you think chocolate would be the end all?”

“It’s not about the chocolate. It’s because it was a gift for her.” Robin explained despondently, her breath hitching with cries as she scrubbed harshly at her cheeks. Who cares? Her make up was ruined now anyways!

“Okay, why do you think a gift would be that important?” Steve decides to ask instead, his own breath catching in his throat at the miserable look Robin gives him from where her head is bowed. Fringe a mess, mascara dabbed under her eyelids, skin flushed under her freckles, and eyes dejected.

“Oh jeez, you’re really nervous aren’t you?” Steve realised, rubbing his hand over the back of his head.

“It’s-“ Robin had to take a deep breath, the action immediately stuttering in her throat, and causing her to sob again. Wiping at the tears still leaking out of her eyes. “It’s not just that it’ll be my first actual date. Or that, I don’t know if I’m going to be able to date that many people. Because I can’t exactly go around saying that I...” She swallowed, tearing up further as her lip trembled. “Saying I like women.”

Steve shuffled closer, resting his hand on her good knee.

“That like, I might not get many opportunities to date. It’s not just that, I-“ Robin heaved a breath that sounded pained, spit flecking out as she breathed. “It’s that... I really, really like her Steve. Like, I don’t just like y/n, I...” This one, Robin found harder to finish. She didn’t wail more, or cover her face, She just needed help in saying it. He nodded in understanding. He already knew. Squeezing her knee, he moved until Robin could catch his eyes. “I really really really like her Steve. I like her so much. And I just... I don’t know what I’ll do if she doesn’t like me that way. If we go on a date, and she wasn’t really that serious, or she decides I’m not good enough-!”

“Hey! Nobody could think that.” Steve shook his head as he stopped her there. Eyes serious but empathetic up at her.

And Robin nodded, taking his hand that was on her knee into both her own. Holding them tight, as she tries to come down.

Steve can tell she really does believe him, so he shimmies a little closer, his feet jammed against hers as he adds. “I mean hey, didn’t she ask you out?”

Robin laughed. A shy and excited little “Yeah.” leaving her lips, like she still couldn’t quite believe it herself. It was really a good for her moment. And she squeezes her best friends hand in excitement as she recalled the happy memory, Steve squeezing back.

“What the hell happened in here?!?”

Robin and Steve’s heads both shot to the closed door of the break room, instantly recognising your voice. And realising you must’ve seen the scene of scattered tapes and ruined chocolates all over the floor, with no one in sight.

The two both froze, before turning back to look at each other. With only knowing looks, no words, passing by the duo, Steve easily recognised that Robin wanted him to go out first, and get you.

Which is what he did, Robin watching him stand and open the door, hearing him mumbling to you about her, as she sniffed, and desperately tried to wipe at her eyes. Oh my god. How much snot did she have in her? And why could she still not stop crying??!

When you entered the break room after Steve had somewhat explained the front, your heart broke as you saw your Robin. Sitting there on a stool, looking so small, as she looked up at you with a tear streaked face, pant leg lifted and a bandaid on her knee. “Hey! Hey sweet girl. What happened?” You asked, walking towards her.

Robin looked up at you sadly, eyes blurry from her tears, feeling like her shaky lip was about to form a pout. And all she wanted to do was reach her arms up for you.

But she didn’t need to. Because you swooped straight down to her level, enveloping her in a big hug. Robin cried more into your shoulder as you did so. Not loudly, but knowing she was letting drool and tears onto your jacket and still clinging to you anyway. Little hiccups leaving her as you pulled gently away, rubbing her leg up and down above her sore knee. “Hey sweetheart, you’re okay. What happened?”

Robin took some shaky breaths, still clinging onto your jacket as you held her arms, her voice a little shaky too. “Th- the chocolates.”

“Were they for me?” You asked, with a sweet and surprised smile.

Robin nodded. Wanting to bemoan ‘I ruined it’, but finding herself unable to with that smile you were giving her.

“Oh Robbie, that’s so sweet! Thank you honey.” You hugged around Robin’s neck, swaying her a little, with your cheek pressed to hers. And Robin couldn’t help but close her eyes, and take a breath, clinging onto your arms that were wrapped so lovingly around her neck, and just letting you sway her.

“It’s okay, thank you for the gift anyway sweetie, I saw it. That was so sweet. They looked nice.” You spoke warmly.

Robin nodded, sniffing as she clenched her hands back and forth over the arms of your jacket. She was about to say, that she just wanted everything to be perfect, to prove to you, but she was cut off by you talking first.

“I don’t think I need that much more sweetness though, do I honey?” You grinned wide, before leaning up and giving Robin a big kiss to her cheek.

It made her giggle, actually giggle. Even though it was sappy. But she knew that was the point. You were trying to make her laugh.

But as Robin’s giggles died down, you gave a tilt of your head with a small shrug, saying a causal “Also” before pulling out from your bag, the exact same box of chocolates.

“Holy shit.” Robin laughed in a breath, still sounding a little congested. You wiped her tears softly with the back of your hand. “Yeah. Seems like we have a lot more in common than we thought. And we haven’t even started the date yet!” You smiled, and Robin smiled shyly but excitedly back, hiding her freckled face that was red for a different reason now. “So I think you’re doing a pretty good job so far.” You winked, and your hands dropped from Robin’s shoulders to her lap. Where Robin could pick them up into her own, and hold them.

Robin sniffed, most of her tears having stopped now at least, and you freed one hand to rub at her hurt leg again. “C’mon. Let’s clean up that pretty face, after Steve took my shining knight moment of helping your poor leg.” You smiled, taking Robin’s hand to help stand her up, and keeping a hold of it, as well as still looking at her, while you walked her over to the basin in the room.

Robin stammered out, finally able to make a joke “I might’ve bled out first, before you got here.”

You grinned at your date. “Well, did Steve get to do this?” You asked, getting on your knees in front of Robin, and kissing her sore knee.

Robin sucked her lips in with her smile as you did so, holding her hand out for you this time, to help you up. Something she felt so grateful for, to feel you holding back. “No.” She sniffed. “Bastard.”

You threw your head back at her joke, eyes shining on hers as you laughed with her hand still in yours. And Robin beamed with pride banging in her chest.

She finally relaxed as she let you wash her face up. Blowing her nose a little disgustingly, but you didn’t seem to care. You stroked back her hair that was sticking to her cheeks with the water, before giving a smiling pout, knowing her tears and your wet cloth had kinda messed with her look. “Oh your pretty make up. I know I worked hard today on mine too.”

You made Robin shy, looking to the trash can before binning her tissue, pivoting a little on her feet with a burning smile. How long had you been doing and redoing your make up? Were you freaking out about what to wear like she was? Just for your date with her?

“Guess I’ll have to freshen up your make up for you, huh sweetheart?” You took Robin’s face in your hands, wiping your thumbs on the glowing parts of her cheeks where tears had rolled before. Robin nodded at your grin, loving that you were holding her face. And knowing you were hinting at touching it more, by doing her make up for her. “Yeah,” Robin started, finally feeling the flirty part of her beat the anxious one, as her hand stroked the back of your own affectionately. “I think I still feel all lightheaded from the fall, so...”

You wanted to kiss Robin right now. You’d tell her that, later, after your first kiss. You’d tell her all the times you wanted to kiss her beautiful face. But instead, you held yourself back by nodding. Gently squeezing her warm cheeks once more, before tilting her head closer to you and kissing her other cheek this time. “Okay then. And you’ve still got to tell me where you’re taking me on our date! I’ve been so excited since yesterday!”

Robin’s eyes widened. Finally clear enough to see you again, and so wonderstruck grateful at what she saw. God, she couldn’t wait to kiss you!

#I’m sorry that the last two my poor girl’s been going through it emotionally 😭 at least she always gets a happy ending 😊❤️ #also some of these asks that are defo fics I’m gonna treat as such title and gif wise etc in the future! #going back to chbage the last Robin one too #I think my definition will mostly be around if the whole piece is written like a fic which I think is like... yeah? lmfao #ALSO both my Robin things have involved candy in some way I just thought that was funny bc both fic titles now involve the word ‘sweet’ lmfa #Robin Buckley/reader #Robin Buckley fic #3.5k #Robin Buckley hurt/comfort #Robin Buckley fluff #Robin Buckley angst #Robin Buckley #Robin Buckley x reader #Steve Harrington #platonic stobin #wingman steve #stranger things #anon #ask #fic

[unmaskedagain]

Sorry, it’s reserved

  Honestly neither Marinette nor Chloe had been surprised when Bustier caved to Alya’s insistent requests that the two girls not be allowed to go on the class trip to New York City. Lila had been subtly hinting about how much friendly better thing would be if they weren’t there.

           Mostly because just two weeks ago, Marinette had presented her class trip idea presentation; complete with a potential itinerary, pictures of the grand hotel could stay at, the fantastic tours they could go on, and exciting places they could eat. The class had been suitable wow’d.

           What was surprising was when, after Bustier announced in front of the class that Marinette and Chloe couldn’t go to New York much to the smug faces of the students, Adrien said, “Cool. Then I’ll skip the class trip too.” He then turned to his two best friends. “What do you two want to do instead?” Adrien was sick and tired of the other students in the class. He had been trying to get them to believe Lila was a liar for months but no one, not even Nino, would listen to him.

           Instead, they turned on the two most awesome girls in the class. Well, Adrien wasn’t going to deal with it anymore.

           The look of horror on Lila’s face was priceless. However, there was no backtracking now. The dream of a romantic trip to New York, walking hand in hand with Adrien, burst into flames and was now nothing more than ashes.

“Yeah, I won’t go either,” Nathaniel stated. “Doesn’t seem fair. Marinette worked really hard on the idea for the trip.” He never bought Lila’s crap, and he never understood how anyone else did.

           Marinette smirked, “I’m up for whatever.” She shrugged. “I’m actually looking forward to now having to organize the trip. Or fundraise for it. And to think I was going to start working this weekend.” The bluenette made sure to look directly at Bustier and Alya, her ex-friend when she said this. “Its only October but believe me, you’ll want to start making reservations fast. Nothing was done but the presentation; which you can have by the way. And just a reminder, a lot of places do require a down payment. Also, don’t forget approval from the school board.”

“Which takes like three months btw,” Chloe said with a vicious smile on her face. She was the last class president. She knew exactly how hard getting a fabulous trip approved of was. “Paperwork has to be filled out in triplicates and if you mess up on even one form, they’ll make you fill out the entire thing again.” She pulled out her phone and sent a quick text. “I just let Daddy know that he won’t have to make his annual donation this year for the trip. If you don’t want us there you obviously don’t need it. And to think, he usually funds thirty percent of it. But I’m sure you already knew that.”

           By the looks on the other students’ faces, it was clear that they didn’t know that. However, pride wouldn’t let them back down. Besides, Alya thought, they had the moral high ground. Who wanted to hang with bullies anyway?

           To the other students’ credit, they did manage to raise enough money for the trip to New York. Granted, it wasn’t nearly as much as they usually did. Alya, the new class president, also forgot to make most of the reservations until the last minute, and it was hard to find a fancy hotel willing to accommodate an entire class of rowdy teenagers at the last minute. So they would stay at a Holiday Inn just outside of New York City. The glasses-wearing girl wished Lila had been so busy with her charity work so she would’ve had time to help and maybe they could’ve gotten a much better trip.

           By the end, the class trip the class would be getting wasn’t nearly as were or amazing as the one Marinette had presented at the beginning of the year. However, most were just happy to be going to New York.

           Lila shot four exiled students a victorious look as she bragged about all the things and people she’d get to see in New York. She had spent months trying to get Adrien to agree to go on the trip but he wouldn’t budge.

She sighed dramatically, “I love New York. The only bad part are the superheroes. Last time I was there Robin and Speedy practically got into a fistfight over who’d take me on a date. I hate getting in the way of friendships.”  Marinette snorted. “We leave for New York in three weeks. What will you three be doing then?”

“Waiting for a house to fall on you,” Marinette said easily.

           Adrien chuckled, “We leave for L.A in two days.”

           That got the classes’ attention.

“Sorry, What?” Alya asked; suddenly getting a bad feeling in her stomach.

           Chloe leaned back in her seat, “L.A. It was my idea. We decided since we couldn’t go on your trip we’d go on our own. Let's see… our first stop in L.A, we’ll be there for about a week; we’ll tour some movie studios, go on set for the Star Trek movie that filming. Attending the movie premiere of the newest Marvel movie. Then leave for Indio; it's not that far from L.A, I think. But who cares. We have to be at Coachella, even if only for two days. Then we go to Metropolis. And I can’t remember… Marinette what did you plan for us to do? It was her idea to go there.” She told the class who had looks of sheer dismay on their faces that got worse and worse as the four described the trip.

           Marinette smiled, “Tour of LexCorp, a tour of Daily Planet, reservations for the grand opening of Gordon Ramsey’s new restaurant, we got backstage passes for a 5 seconds of Summer concert-” She was cut off

“Why couldn’t we go see Selena Gomez again?” Adrien frowned.

           Marinette rolled her eyes, “Because you couldn’t beat Chloe in an arm-wrestling contest.”

“She is freakishly strong,” Adrien protested. “And she plays mind games!”

           Chloe blew a raspberry at the other blond.

“We’ll be in Metropolis for about a week,” Marinette continued, as her two friends bickered and Adrien declared he would have his vengeance. “Then Adrien got to pick where we next.”

“Disney World!” The blond shouted. It was his biggest childhood dream and it was becoming a reality. “We’re going to Florida to Disney World, and then Universal Studios; where we’ll get to see the Magical World of Harry Potter.”

“Geek!” Chloe sniped.

“Slytherin!” Adrien hissed back at her.

“And proud,” Chloe crossed her arms. “But you wouldn’t know anything about that, would you, Hufflepuff?” She said the Hogwarts’ house like it was a dirty word. “Most notable thing a Hufflepuff ever did was die. And then somehow ended up in Twilight.”

           Adrien stood up angrily, “You take that back!”

“Make me!”

           Adrien looked at Nathaniel, “Ravenclaw, do something!” Their two houses went together like PB&J.

           Nathaniel put down his pencil, “No.” And went back to writing. “Make the Gryffindor do it!” He motioned to Marinette.

           Marinette just looked up at the ceiling, praying to gods’ for patience.

           Adrien, she was suddenly reminded, was loyal enough to help hide a body.

           Nathaniel was smart enough to have already come up with an alibi.

           Chloe as conning enough to ensure they got away it, after goading Marinette into doing it in the first place.

           Marinette would eventually snap and kill Lila. She would need them. “We’ll be in Florida for about four days; enough to see both amusement parks. Then all four of us agreed to go to New York next. First, stop Gotham; we’ll be touring Wayne Industries and attending one of the Wayne family annual galas.”

“Then we go directly to New York City,” Chloe said examining her nails. “Mama arranged us a tour of Vogue and Mode. We’ll be going to a few of the runways for Fashion Week. Adrien’s father arranged for us to go see Hamilton on Broadway.”

           It had taken a lot of time, effort, threats of going to the police, press, and CPS regarding child labor laws broken concerning Adrien to get Gabriel Agreste to agree to let his son go on the trip (as well as allow him to actually have a childhood). But there had been several conditions; mostly to do with security and proper supervision; which all the parents had, though not to Gabriel’s extremeness.

           Still, the four kids agreed to the terms.

“We’re going to a baseball game!” Adrien added excitedly. “A real one. I’m going to eat a hot dog the size of my arm. And cotton candy the size of my head.”

           Marinette nodded slowly, already picturing herself patting Adrien’s back as he whined about as stomach ache from eating too much.

           Chloe frown, picturing the same. She had lost a pair of Jimmy Choos after one disastrous trip to the carnival that involved way too much greasy food and rollercoaster with two loops. She shook the nightmarish memory away, “Thanks to Marinette, we’ll be touring the Stark Industries and the Avengers tower. All the hotels we’ll be staying at are 5 stars. Also, we’re going to three, three Michelin star restaurants. I can imagine what would’ve happened if she had made the reservations late. We might have ended up in some god awful Inn.”

“Come to think of it,” Marinette paused thoughtfully, “We should get to New York about the same time you do. What are your plans? No! Don’t tell me. I’m sure they’re amazing and I don’t want to be jealous. I mean you kicked us off the trip so you had to have something out of this world lined up.”

           Alya’s mouth was dry. She tried to come up with something to say; something to brag about but she knew that come September she’d have to pony up the pics. Because Pics or it didn’t happen. Chloe was active on social media; she’d be updating on a daily basis and scooping out her competition. She’d know instantly if they were lying and they’d never live it down.

           Lila fought the urge to throw the biggest tantrum of her life. At the beginning of the year, after Marinette’s trip presentation, she thought getting the bluenette and Blondie off the trip was the perfect plan; even when Adrien said he wouldn’t go. However, it was soon clear that Alya and the other students were in way over their hands. The dream trip that Marinette had spun them would be realized as only a dream as it was clear they wouldn’t manage it without Marinette’s organizational skills and Chloe’s funding.

           The trip they got was the standard tourist one. A look around the city, the statue of liberty, Time Square, and a museum or two. Honestly, Lila took better trips with her grandmother.

           Maybe there was still a way to save things…

“You know,” Lila smiled sweetly. “Since we’re all going to be in New York anyway, we should do everything together-“

“Can’t,” Marinette stated firmly. “Reservations are reservations for a reason. Tickets were bought. You know how it is.”

           Bustier frowned. This had ended the way she thought it would. When Alya and the other students beseeched her to disallow Marinette and Chloe from the school trip, she thought it was for the best. Chloe had always had a hostile attitude that Marinette seemed to have developed as well. It left the rest of the class with negative energy that wasn’t helpful for nurturing their growth.

           However, she couldn’t have predicted just how badly things would go. Alya had come crying to her several times about having to fill out and re-fill out multiple forms for the school board. She seemed to get something wrong every time.

           The children could barely raise enough money for the trip. And it wasn’t nearly as wonderful as the one Marinette had come up with at the beginning of the year. Still, they were going to New York which was what counted. Most classes wouldn’t even have gotten that far, She thought smugly. It would be a good trip. (Caline had dreamed about accidentally running into Steve Rogers or Thor and being swept off her feet. And she thought that dream wouldn’t even be possible if she was too busy trying to reign in her to most troublesome students which were one of her reason her telling the two they couldn’t go.) However, even that trip paled in comparison to the one the bluenette had planned for her and her two friends. 5-star hotels, trips to galas, fashion week, going to the Avengers Towers, possibly meeting Captain America, Thor, and the rest! It all sounded too good to be true.

“There must be something you can do,” Bustier said. “It would be nice if all my students were together.”

           The other students looked at the tour with hope clear in their eyes.

           Adrien, Marinette, and Chloe just looked at the teacher like she was dumb. Each fought the urge to remind the teacher that she was just fine with the three not going less than ten minutes ago.

           Adrien rolled his eyes, “There isn’t. Everything was bought and paid for. They are only expecting four kids which is why we get to go to so many places. Turns out, not many hotels and restaurants want to deal with a bunch of teens at the last minute.”

Marinette nodded, “Besides you wouldn’t want us crashing your trip anyway. We’d hate to get in the way. We know you guys wanted a drama-free trip.” She through the term back in their faces. “But I wouldn’t mind meeting up one day. You guys are doing time square right. Let us know when and we’ll see if we can do it the same day.”

“If we can fit in our schedules,” Chloe snapped. “It's pretty packed.”

“Not as packed as theirs, I’m sure,” Marinette smiled kindly, though inside she was doing a victory dance worthy of a champion. “I can’t wait to see the pictures.”

           The four left that Friday. By Sunday, the social medias were filled with dozens of pictures of beautiful hotel rooms. The next three weeks were the worst in the class’s entire lives. The other students in the class tried their best not to look but it was hard. Particularly when the picture of Marinette, Adrien, and Chloe on the red carpet started to make waves. Pictures of the four meeting various celebrities like Lex Luther and Chris Pine, superheroes like Superman and Batman, of them at Disney World and Coachella had left more than a bit of envy in their hearts.

           Their own trip had started out terribly. Alya hadn’t book enough rooms so they had to triple bunk, with some people having to sleep on a cot. And it turned out that the only tours she had secured was to Elis Island and the New York Art Museum; nothing nearly as exciting as they hoped. So they had been mostly left on their own for sight-seeing.

           Still, it wasn’t a terrible trip. They ate great good and saw the normal New York tourist attractions.

           However, when the time came for them to go to Time Square and meet up with Adrien, Alya, Chloe, and Marinette, Bustier was ready to pull her hair out.

           Bustier never had trouble on any of the previous trips, as they were always organized to the minute, but this one had so much free time the kids didn’t know what to do with themselves which resulted in chaos. And being threatened with being kicked out of the hotel. She didn’t understand what was different. The students were usually so well behaved.

           Sure on previous trips, there had been two more chaperones but Bustier always thought they were unnecessary. Her students were the best and most well behaved in school for the most part. She was positive that they only needed their teacher to watch out for them.

           She was wrong.

           And Bustier was very surprised to see Mendeleiev there with her four wayward students, looking very much like the Cat that got the Canary.

“Demetria,” Bustier greeted politely. “What are you doing here?”

           Mendeleev didn’t bother to hide her smirk. “I was invited as a chaperone. It just me and Gorilla. Between the two of us we keep the delinquents in check,” She said Delinquents at the four who playfully hissed at her. Each of the four wore a black shirt with a different Hogwarts house on it.“Best decision I ever made. I was reluctant at first as it’s not school-related and I wouldn’t be paid for it. But Agreste and Bourgeois are paying me nine times my usual amount an hour to watch the kids like a hawk. Luckily their goods kids. What about you? How is your class trip going?”

           Bustier forced herself to smile, and not bite out angrily that it was driving her insane. The kids were driving her completely up the wall. And Caline was more than a little aware of how amazing her four students trip was and to think Mendeleiev had gotten to do it all with them made her blood boil and her eyes practically turn green with jealousy. “Extremely well. We are having… the time of our lives.”

“I’m sure,” Mendeleiev said. She and the rest of the teachers had never been happy with how Bustier ran her class. Or just how much she and Damocles got away with. However, it didn’t matter. Come September, things would change. Damocles had already gotten fired for taking bribes, breaking procedure, and being a complete idiot.

           Bustier, while technically, hadn’t done anything wrong would still have to listen to the school board tell her everything that was wrong with her class. And there was a lot.

“Have you gone to the Avengers tower yet?” Bustier asked, not subtly at all. She still hoped that if there was time she and her class could tag along.

“We have,” Mendeleiev told her, bursting the bubble of hope that had sprung in Caline. “It was quite wonderful. I had a wonderful debate with Doctor Banner; it turns out he’s read several of my papers and me, his. While the kids are at the baseball game tomorrow, the two of us will be having a lunch date and going over our scientific hypothesis tomorrow.”

“Get it, Ms. Mendeleiev,” Chloe laughed.

           Mendeleiev shot her a stern look but her mouth twitched as she fought a smile.

“Perhaps my class could go with?”

“Sorry, we have a reserved seats.”

Envy flared in Caline Bustier more than ever before in her entire life. If they had been still in Paris, Hawkmoth would’ve had a field day. “Oh but what about watching the kids. Won’t they need you? What would their parents say about this?” A vicious smirk appeared on Bustier’s face. She always thought Mendeleiev needed to be knocked down a peg or two.

Mendeleiev didn’t bat an eye, “Already covered. Already cleared with their parents. After all who’s going to say no to Captain America and Iron Man babysitting their kids. Steve hadn’t been to a game a while and he really wanted to take his son Peter and the rest of Tony’s interns. The kids should have a blast.”

Adrien shot a bright smile at his bodyguard, “Natasha is going too! I still don’t understand how you two know each other.”

Gorilla’s face burned a red color but he remained silent. He wore the bright yellow and black Hufflepuff scarf Adrien had begged him to wear as a show of support, particularly when Mendeleiev revealed herself to be a Ravenclaw (So did Bruce Banner). Captain America and the Winter Soldier high-fived Marinette over being Gryffindors. And Pepper Potts, Iron Man, and the Black Widow introduced themselves as Slytherin alumni.

Where was the Hufflepuff love?

Adrien had looked at Hawkeye with hope but Clint had shrugged and said, “Gryffindor.”

The blond boy huffed and pouted (the pout was how he got Gorilla to wear the scarf). He bet Thor was a Hufflepuff.

           The rest of Bustier’s class still steer clear away from the four; out of pride and envy. Lila had attempted to go near Adrien but was stopped by Alya who didn’t want to risk her bestie getting bullied by the meanest girls in school.

           Alya had decided after seeing the pictures of the four with Superman, The Avengers, Batman, and THE LOIS LANE that life just wasn’t fair. If it was Marinette and Chloe (Maybe even Nathaniel) would be stuck in Paris, crying their eyes out over not being allowed on the trip. It was what they deserved for being such bullies.

           The preplanned tour of Times Square, which was mostly just the kids walking around and awing at the pretty lights. It was actually a bit boring, once the excitement wore off. They found themselves on the highest building there, looking over New York City in its entirety, along with a bunch of other tourists.

           Suddenly all the electronic billboards and every ounce of electricity turned off. Crowds up people looked around confused.

           The giant monitors blurred and a face appeared, “Greetings citizens of New York, I. AM. THE. Electrocutioner!” Lights were centered on the highest building there, and it was clear the villain stood on top of the building. The building of Bustier’s class was on.

           One thought echoed in the minds of each Parisian citizen, “Fuck.”

           Before any of the Paris heroes’ could figure out if they should act or not, another team of heroes arrived.

           The evil-doer had with him a dozen or so henchmen, each more menacing the last.

           The sight of Kid Flash zooming up the side of the building was incredible. Seeing Young Justice kick butt left Marinette a little breathless.

Was this what it was like, she wondered, seeing Ladybug fight.

           When some of the henchmen were ordered to take hostages; Marinette, Chloe, Nathaniel, Adrien, Gorilla, and Mendeleiev fighting back much to the shock of Bustier and her class. Chloe rolled her eyes as she, and the other three pulled out miniature pens from their pockets; did they really not know how often New York is attacked by Super Villians. Seriously.

           With a click of the button, the pen turns into a long whip. Chloe refused to be taken without a fight. Her and Marinette, who now wielded a fighting staff, nodded at each other. The blonde snorted when she looked at Adrien, “A shield, really?”

“I don’t want to hurt people too much,” Adrien defended.

“This is why you’re a Hufflepuff.”

           Nathaniel spun his trident around. It worked like a Taser and could shock people. Luckily only the villain had electricity powers.

Marinette didn’t know how it happened but suddenly she was fighting back to back with Robin.

“Nice moves,” Robin said after Marinette knocked out a henchman with a high kick. He knocked out a henchman with his staff.

“Not too bad yourself.”

           Nathaniel nearly had a heart attack when Aqualad jumped in to help him protect several tourists. When biggest henchmen came rushing at him, the redhead fired up his trident and within seconds the underling was down for the count.

           Kaldur paused, “…Can I borrow that?”

           Chloe used the whip with ease and grace. She has been practicing with it ever since she saw Shadow Hunters for the first time. Isabelle Lightwood was an icon.

The blonde didn’t know how it happened. But one minute she was fighting off two lame minions then she saw an Arrow guy fighting and then falling off the roof, and the next thing she knows she’s jumping after him. Then they both were dangling off the roof with only Chloe’s whip for support.

“You call this a rescue?” Arrow guy snorted.

“You call yourself a hero?” Chloe snapped.

“Meow!”

           Chloe didn’t see how he did it but one moment she was hanging there; the next Arrow guy was swinging her up back onto the roof.

           He smirked at her, “You’re a pretty one.”

           She waved him off, “Oh go save someone!”

           When Superboy crashed down next to him after taking a brutal hit, Adrien gripped his shield and stood in front of him. Adrien was able to block most of the attempts of the underlings to reach the boy of steel. But it wasn’t long until they had them surrounded. Just when Adrien thought he was a goner, red lasers blasted the henchman back.

           Superboy stood up, “Thanks for the assist.” He smiled at the blond boy. “Nice shield.”

           Gorilla and Mendeleiev handled their own really well. After seeing Gorilla fight, Adrien started to have some serious suspicions about just how his bodyguard knew the Black Widow.

           When the fight was over, and the villains detained, the small group stood with the rest of the civilians until the all-clear was given.

The Bustier and her class stared in awe as the members of Young Justice walked over to the six with large smiles. The heroes didn’t even spare the class a glance. Not even when Alya pushed Lila to the front but Robin and Arsenal never even noticed her.

Dick Grayson, Robin, smiled at the pretty bluenette with bluest eyes he’d ever seen and did his best to ignore Batman in his ear about bringing in the Heroes Ladybug, Chat Noir, Queen Bee, and Bright Roar in to Watch Tower stat. He knew all about Ladybug and, thanks to Batman, knew her civilian identity. But to see her in person was a whole different experience.

No, there was a time and place for everything. And right now the time was to flirt with the Gorgeous Superhero who a skintight red suit.

“You’re amazing,” He told her honestly. “What are you doing for the rest of my life?”

“I swear to god if you propose!” Batman hissed in his ear.

           Marinette blushed a bright red.

           Kaldur handed the trident back to Nathaniel, “This is an amazing weapon. You use it well.” He told the redhead. This must be the new Hero Bright Roar “I wish for one just like it.”

           Nathaniel flushed but handed the weapon back to Kaldur, “Keep it. I’m not that good with it.”

           Kaldur smiled, “Then perhaps you will let me teach you one day. One on one sessions.”

“Really Kaldur,” Aquaman chastised. “This is a mission, not a dating show.”

           Aqualad ignored him.

           Superboy nodded at Adrien, “You’re good,” he told the smaller blond boy. Though from the reports he read about Chat Noir, he was only a year younger than him. “Cool shirt by the way. It's nice to meet a fellow Hufflepuff.” He said and then suddenly his arms were full of a blond boy thanking him for existing.

“Breathe,” Superman chuckled in his ear. “Just breathe, Connor.”

“For such good finders, we’re so hard to find,” Adrien said. “I could kiss you!”

           Superboy turned the brightest shade of red anyone had ever seen.

           Arsenal eyed the hot blond girl, “At least you know how to stay out of the way.”

           Chloe glared at him, “Next time, I’ll just let you die.”

“Then who be the man of your dreams.”

“Freddie Kruger would probably take his job back,” Chloe said with a hand on her hip. “Though his face isn’t as terrifying as yours.”

“That girl will eat you alive,” Oliver warned in his ear.

“So you admit you dream about me,” Roy stepped forward.

           Chloe huffed, “Get real!”

“Hey,” Alya called. “Robin, Speedy, don’t you want to say hi to Lila Rossi.” She motioned to the Italian girl who had gone pale.

“It’s Arsenal now,” Roy corrected.

           Dick nodded, “And who’s Lila?”

           Marinette smiled, “Oh I’d totally marry you now!”

           Robin grinned and raised his arms in victory.

           Batman cursed in his ear.

            Robin, Arsenal, Aqualad, and Superboy kept their attention on the on the four. No matter how much their superhero mentors protested. No matter how much Bustier’s tried to intervene.

              No, their attentions’ were reserved

#ml fic #ml salt #class salt #Young Justice #Marienette Dupain Cheng #Marinette deserves better #adrien deserves better

[redhoodssweetheart]

Star-Crossed Lovers Part Three

Pairing: Jason Todd x Fem!Reader

Requested: Yes @onfir3​ and @sarcasmismyfirstlove

Word Count: 2.5K

Warnings: Swearing, angst, Reader has an assumed name in this (she is not named, but she goes by Sophia Turner since she is in hiding)

Description:  Secrets are unveiled and Y/N is smacked in the face with a truth she hadn’t expected to find out.

A/N:  Okay first off, I have no idea how long this story is going to be.  It could have one more part, two more parts or more.  I am legit addicted to this story now.  Also the ending may have a sad and a happy version.  One for people who want a happily ever after and those who want to read a sad ending.  Or maybe you’ll want to read both who knows.  But I hope you enjoy this installment of Star-Crossed Lovers.  The song that the singers are singing is Ain’t About You by Wonho featuring Kiiara

Her keys jingled as she fished them out of her pocket.  Clark’s plants were not on the verge of death and she had considered her mission a success.  As she stepped inside the apartment she flipped on the lights and nearly jumped out of her skin when she noticed the dark figure in the corner of her living room.  

“Holy shit,” she gripped her hand to her chest.  Her heart was pounding, but it was starting to calm down now that she realized it was Batman in her apartment and not Sionis.

“Y/N,” he said in his gruff way.  “I have news.”

“Please tell me that Sionis is officially dead,” she didn’t want to hear anything else, but she had a feeling that that wasn’t why he was here.

The way his jaw locked only confirmed her suspicions.  “He’s still alive,” Batman confirmed.  “And he’s using someone at LexCorp to up his drugs.  The effects give the user temporary powers like Superman and Superboy’s.  It’s not on the street yet, but soon.  And Sionis knows you’re not dead.  As far as I’m aware he doesn’t know you're here.”  He reached into one of his compartments and pulled out an envelope.  “I’ve secured you a ticket to a fundraiser tomorrow night that Wayne Enterprises and LexCorp are throwing.  It’s a masquerade ball, I need you to tell me if you see anyone familiar there.  Anyone that was working with or for Sionis.  We need to know who’s supplying him.”

She took the invitation, “Fine.  Where will I meet you?”

“I’ll find you,” then he was disappearing out the window and into the night.

The dress she had picked out was red, with a thigh high slit and a mask to match.  The dress was silk, the light reflecting off it.  She felt sexy and yeah she chose red for one reason and one reason only.

God, she had to get over him.

Her eyes scanned the crowd, but no one stuck out besides the Waynes, Lex, and a few other high society members.  She didn’t like how this mission was going so far.  And when she scanned the crowd again she noticed one of the Wayne boys staring her way.  She quickly ducked into a crowd and hoped not to draw any more attention.  She wasn’t the only one wearing red so she wouldn’t stand out like a sore thumb.

“Does it sound cliché to say / That I just need some space babe / It’s not you, it’s me really, uh,” the male singer began to sing into his mic.  “I’m the one that changed umm / You’re so hard to resist / A love that hurt like this / I wish it wasn’t hell / To love you more than you love yourself.”

“I don’t believe I know your name,” a husky male voice said beside Y/N and when she looked up she saw that it was the Wayne boy that had been staring at her.  

“And who says I’m going to give it to you?”  She fired back, a smirk beginning to form.

He matched her smirk, “You’re a beautiful woman, it’s a ball, I thought I’d ask you to dance with me, but I’d like to know your name first.”

She considered him for a moment and then said, “I’ll give you the dance, but you haven’t earned my name yet, stranger.”

“I see I caught your eye, again / Your pretty little lies / Wish I could stroke your big ego / But sorry not tonight, or ever / You’re so hard to resist / A love that hurt like this / I wish it wasn’t hell / To love you more than you love yourself,” the female singer sang in response to her male counterpart as the Wayne boy led her onto the dance floor.

He swept Y/N into his arms and began to twirl her around with expert ease.  Money could buy a lot of things and dance lessons was probably one of those things.  She wondered if it had been his choice or if Bruce Wayne had made it mandatory.  “So what’re you doing at the ball?  I normally know the people that frequent these,” he said as he dipped her, their faces inches from one another.

She cocked her head to the side as he slowly brought her back to an upright position, “Because you’re a Wayne?”  

He chuckled, “Maybe.”

“I work for the Daily Planet, I’m working on a story,” she said.  A half-truth, but not a complete lie.

Those blue eyes of his were starting to look familiar like she had seen them before. She wondered if he was the man she had bumped into on the street the other day, but she wasn’t about to ask him that.  And right now those very eyes were bright with mischief.  “Oh?  Looking for any sordid secrets of the lifestyle of the rich and famous because I could provide.  I know dirt on everyone here.”

“No sordid secrets for me tonight,” she said, she didn’t want to know what those sordid secrets would cost her if he were to tell her what he knew.  “I’m just covering the event.”  She had learned from articles that the Waynes and Luthor were trying to raise money for people displaced by superhero activity.  Homes that had been destroyed or other places like schools and work.

“How you stay out til 4 am / How you can’t tell me where you’ve been / Go and get that shit out your head / This ain’t about youuuuu / This ain’t about youuuuu / This ain’t about / Hate to tell you but / Hate to tell you but / This ain’t about you / This ain’t about you,” the singers sang, the song coming to a close.

The stranger still held her in his arms after the song had ended, “Have I earned the right to know your name or am I going to have to make one up for you?”

“I’ll tell you mine if you tell me yours?”  She fired back.

“Deal.”

“Sophia Turner,” the lie slipped off her tongue, but it felt odd to tell him this name.  She had no idea why, she didn’t even know him other than the fact that he was a Wayne.  “But most call me Sophie.”

“Jason Todd,” he supplied in return.

“Oh so I was dancing with the resident bad boy of the Waynes,” she hummed.  “Let me guess you flash those pretty blue eyes at whoever you want and you can get out of any situation?”

“Not quite, but you think they’re pretty?”  His grin was turning cocky and you pushed away from him.

“Down boy,” she said.  “I’m… well I’m….”  She sighed, “It’s complicated.”

He started walking beside her as she turned to flee from the event, “I’m a great listener, you could tell me all your boy problems.”

“No tonight lover boy, I need to go anyway,” she had gotten all the information she could for Batman.  She hadn’t seen anyone there that could be working with or for Sionis, the whole night had been a bust.  Fun, but a bust.

“I’ll find you, Cinderella,” he called out to her as she made her way through the crowd not once glancing back at him.

The night after coming home Y/N grabbed some ice cream out of the fridge and waited for Batman.  When he showed up she told him that she didn’t know anyone there; he thanked her and promised to keep her updated with anything about Sionis.  But for now, she should stay where she was and lie low because Metropolis was the safest place for her. Before she could thank him he was gone.

Now it was Monday and she was at work.  Lois greeted her and was smiling broadly, “Someone got a gift.”

Y/N’s attention turned to her desk where a bouquet of red roses sat.  She blinked a couple of times because she didn’t believe that anyone would leave her flowers.  “Who sent them?”  She asked to no one in particular as she made her way to her desk, Lois still beside her.  She picked the card and saw that there was a handwritten note.

Cinderella,

I think it’s rude that you didn’t leave a shoe for me to return to you.  I’d like to see you again.  Meet me tonight at the top of the Daily Planet, seven o’clock?

Jason Todd

“Sophie!  Did you run out on Jason Todd last night?” Lois gasped.  Since the moment the two of them had met Lois had been trying to set her up.  In her own words, she was trying to ‘help you get over the man who you clearly hurt you’.

Y/N rolled her eyes, “I didn’t run out on him like Cinderella, he knows my name and where I work.  I just needed to get home.”

“Are you going to meet him tonight?”  She asked, a smile on her face that suggested she wanted you to meet with him.

She gave her friend a look, “I don’t know, Lois.  I’m busy and I have other things that I need to do.”  Getting involved with a Wayne was dangerous.  They were always in the spotlight and Jason especially since he was the most mysterious of the bunch.  He attracted a camera like honey drew flies.

“Just go, see what he wants, have a little fun.  Lord knows you could use it,” Lois squeezed Y/N’s shoulder and headed for her own desk.

Y/N looked at those red roses again and let out a sigh.  One visit with Jason wouldn’t hurt.

Metropolis was nice, but Jason preferred the grittiness of Gotham.  There was something real about it, it wasn’t hiding that there was bad stuff going on.  Metropolis on the other hand was sleek and new.  Superman gave them hope and offered a shiny new take that life could be good.  He always felt like he stuck out in Metropolis, even when he was in the Robin or Red Hood uniforms.  You could tell that he didn’t belong.

The door to the roof opened and he heard her heels against the concrete.  “Flowers?  Really?”

He turned and grinned at her, getting an unencumbered view of her face for the first time in months.  She was still as beautiful as the first day he had met her.

“Well I thought about sending a candy gram, but I didn’t think that would be appreciated,” he quipped. 

She chuckled and came to stand beside him, her gaze fixed on the city beyond.  “It’s almost too perfect,” she murmured, mirroring Jason’s earlier thoughts.  “Unlike Gotham--”  She clamped her mouth shut.

“Oh, you know Gotham?”  His gaze was still locked on her face, trying to recommit everything to memory.  She had changed a little bit about herself when she went into hiding, but it was still her.  Still his Y/N.

“Yeah,” she said quietly.  “I grew up there.  Moved away a while ago.  Needed a change of pace.”  Lie. Lie. Lie.  She hadn’t wanted to leave Gotham.  She wanted nothing more than to stay, but circumstances and fate had other ideas.

Jason finally mirrored her position, “I get that.  I moved away for a bit myself.”

“Didn’t you fake your death?”  The question slipped out before she could stop it.  “Sorry, that’s a little too personal.  It’s the journalist in me, feel free to ignore it.”  She wanted to smack herself, but he huffed a laugh and she finally looked at him.  There was something so familiar about him, but she couldn’t put her finger on it.

“It’s all right,” he said softly to let her know he wasn’t upset by her question.  “And the answer is it’s complicated.  Very, very complicated.”

“I know all about complicated,” she told him.  “At this point, I think it’s my middle name.”

“Sophia Complicated Turner, huh?”  He held out his hand to her, “I’m Jason Peter Todd.”

That made her laugh, “Are you always this corny?”

“There’s more to me than the bad boy the papers like to see, Sophia.”  He hated using that name.  He wanted to call her Y/N, he wanted to tell her everything, but he held his tongue.  

She bumped him with her shoulder, “I can tell.”

Warmth spread through him and he went to respond when a breeze blew by and she shivered.  “Here,” he draped his jacket over her shoulders.  “Why aren’t you wearing a better jacket?”  He asked like a mother hen.  “You live here and even I knew to come prepared.”

Y/N stood there frozen for a moment before gently wrapping the leather jacket closer around her and breathing in the scent of him.  Cigarettes and a familiar aftershave, a combination she had come to know as home.  Though she had tried to get him to quit smoking.  Jason’s jacket smelled like Red and she stiffened even more when the thought crossed her mind.  Red had died once too.  Red would have made similar jokes.  She looked closely at Jason, really taking him in, and there on his lip was a little scar in the same place that Red had a scar.  Then the mole on his neck, and another scar she had kissed over a hundred times.  

Y/N backed away, her breath coming out in shallow pants.  Her mind was running a mile a minute, it couldn’t be.  “I need to go,” she finally managed to say.

“Sophia?”  He asked in concern and God she couldn’t get it out of her head how he was Red.  Jason was the Red Hood.

“Goodnight,” she dashed for the door, his jacket still wrapped around her.

Once she had made it to her apartment, Batman was there.  Still in the city chasing down leads, and probably coming to ask for another favor.  The ball.  Bruce Wayne being in the city.  Everything was clicking in place.  “Call Red here,” she said before he could speak.  “I want to see him.”

“Red isn’t here, Y/N,” Batman said calmly.

“Oh isn’t he?”  She spat.  “I’m pretty sure I just left him on the roof of the Daily Planet.”  She tossed the jacket at him.  “Bruce.”

There was a moment of hesitation, but Batman - or Bruce - pulled the cowl down and revealed his true identity to her.  “How did you figure it out?”

“I’m an investigative journalist, Bruce.  Give me some credit,” she scoffed.  “If anyone looked hard enough I’m sure they could figure it out.”  She sat down on her couch and buried her face in her hands.  “Fuck, I’m so tired.”

Bruce wasn’t sure what he was supposed to do, but he summoned Jason, not telling him that Y/N knew the truth.  He would wait for that bomb to be dropped by the woman herself.  “I’m sorry if we’re causing you this stress, Y/N.”

She waved a dismissive hand, “Please, I’ve been stressed since the moment Sionis ruined my life.  I knew that that plan of ours was a fifty-fifty shot at freedom.  I’ll be looking over my shoulder for the rest of my life if I’m lucky.”

A moment later Red Hood entered through your window and you just looked at him.  And for a moment your times together flashed before your eyes.  “Y/N,” he said, his voice in that robotic monotone.  

“Jason,” she responded.  “Why don’t you sit down?  We’ve got a lot to discuss you and I.”

#Jason Todd x Reader #Jason Todd x Fem!Reader #Jason Todd x Reader angst #Jason Todd #Jason Todd fanfic #Jason Todd fanfiction #Jason Todd angst #Requested

[thattimdrakeguy]

Why, uh, do ppl hate Tim so much? I just fell down a hole of anti tim and I can’t find a..valid reason for the hate besides that fact tht hes rich and white?

From my experience it’s one of those things where Tim has antagonistic relationships with other Bat-Family members like Damian, Jason, and even partially Steph. So they just crap on Tim, because it’ll make their favs look better.

Like that’s genuinely been the main reason I see, and they use the fact he’s rich and white to make it seem like it’s a social justice thing, even though in the end it really isn’t.

I sort of rant for the rest of the post going in more detail, and mentioning things I’ve been shown, and why I think a lot of it is dumb, but basically it’s just people being petty and insecure, and being unable to handle things in any other way than childishly.

For some Jason fans I’ve seen them talk about how much they hate Tim because they replaced the poor kid with a rich kid, but I’m really freaking poor myself. Obviously I’m not homeless, but there was a time in my life where I slept on the floor, and later on after I did have a bed my bed room had a hole in the floor. But, they’re just looking too deep into stuff just to find a problem anywhere they can.

I’ve also seen some say Tim bullied his way into being Robin after the poor kid died. When 1) that isn’t even an accurate description of what happened and 2) they’re obviously just trying to word it the worst way possible, because they’re pretty freaking childish.

Damian fans try to make Tim and his fans out to be racist cause Tim doesn’t like Damian, when that’s actually because Damian got so close to killing Tim I’m pretty sure Tim actually did nearly die from bleeding out. I think also because Tim once said “what about his biology” when referring to Damian, when Tim wasn’t referring to his race, he was referring to how he’s related to criminals and Damian literally had his biology messed with to make him a fierce warrior and a good body for Ra’s.

Steph fans also try to make Tim and his fans out to be sexist. But their reasoning is really weak, because it’s literally just boiled down to Tim being mean to Steph sometimes, but it’s not like that’s cause of her gender for that to make sense. It’s because in context she is an untrained citizens constantly putting herself and potentially others in-danger without any training to feel safe with her constantly being out there. Plus she flirted with him so much to the point it made him uncomfortable and fit the literal definition of sexual harassment.

And they always do that thing where they gotta make their favs sound better, and Tim sound worse. Which admittedly Tim fans do the same thing, but I’m not really here to pick a side. I’m just here pointing out how freaking annoying fandoms can be, because ultimately I don’t really care what fandom does it. At the moment though I can confidently say, that other fandoms are doing it a lot more than Tim ones lately, because I’m in the Tim tags at least twice a day most days and I’ve barely seen it lately.

It’s kind of a thing to project a lot of stuff on the Tim fandom for the same faux-social-justice kind of jargon they try to do. When you see it from a view like mine, where I’m not on any side of any fandom, even if I am a Tim fan (cause I never really been into deep fandom stuff), it just comes off as hypocritical frankly.

(If you want to hear some dumb things some Tim fans do to even it up, they make him the most frail, emo, emotionally unstable kid ever sometimes. They can focus way too much on making him sympathetic (but even then, literally every fandom does that, but the Tim fandom always does it in a very notable depressing way). They also focus so much on coffee and practically act like he’s all pilled up on anti-depressants he just acts weird that it just seems obsessive and very out of character.)

Like as some examples they’ll bring up how Tim doesn’t trust Damian and put him on a list of potential threats. But Damian literally nearly caused Tim’s death, nearly caused it again in the same story, and at the end it’s shown that Damian isn’t on there because Tim considers him a villain, it’s because he has potential to be dangerous. Wonder Woman and Red Tornado are also on the same list.

To me, I just look at that story as ridiculous, because Damian isn’t dumb, and Tim literally spoke against contingency plan stuff before. Damian’s going to need more than to be on a vague list as a potential threat, especially when he’s visibly on the hero side of it. Damian’s not that thinned skin. He’s got a temper, and obviously really doesn’t like Tim, but even when he felt Tim was insulting him or being patronizing to him before he didn’t try to kill him then immediately. He tried to kill him because he thought that’s what he was supposed to do to earn his place beside his father.

The story’s just dumb in-general.

And then they pull out the New 52 story where Tim is just being a dick to Damian for no good reason, but it’s the same kind of thing. Tim was never that much of a dick without being provoked. The only time I think Tim started a fight was in Red Robin where he was on pills that messed with his mental state, and again had everyone out of character regardless. Because 1) Dick wouldn’t just give away Robin from Tim, because he knows better than that. 2) Damian acts like he’s happy his dad is dead and just acts like a generic child and not even like Damian. And 3) I legitimately can’t see Tim just hitting a kid, even Damian, unless a fight already breaks out.

For Steph fans they point out how Tim is passive aggressive to her, constantly doesn’t want her to be Spoiler, and yada yada. Probably because her Batgirl run portrayed that as being mentally scarring to Steph. Even though one of the panels they chose of Tim being upset and not wanting her to be Spoiler, was after Steph caused Tim to be disfigured and on the pills that messed with his mental state to begin with. Which inadvertedly just makes her look self-centered and narcissistic. But again, I don’t even consider that in-character, because 1) I don’t buy that Steph would listen to Batman especially when it puts Tim in danger, because she never gave a crap about what Batman said till they needed to villainize her before she died. 2) Steph can be arrogant and self-centered, she has it in her, but she wouldn’t ever be that self-centered, to the point she just looks narcissistic. 3) I’m pretty sure at the actual time it happened, Steph is shown being aware she messed up. 4) Steph never cared what others thought. She trespassed on other people’s property to party. She’s a very confident person the majority of the time. Batman tells her to knock it off, she might as well flip him the bird because she just finds him more annoying than anything else. It’s literally in her origin that she doesn’t even like Batman.

There’s also the context for in the 90s when Tim first started doing it. Steph was portrayed as a reckless citizen that could potentially get herself and others into harm because she didn’t know what she was doing, and didn’t have the highest morals. That’s not anything any of the bats would encourage. If Tim was extra passive aggressive, he’s a literal thirteen to fifteen year old boy during that time, no duh he’s going to be immature. That still isn’t a sexism thing. Steph may had saved him twice, but that wasn’t portrayed even in-story as a sign she can handle it like a pro. It was always portrayed as “thank goodness she was with Tim at that time, and knew where he was to save him”. Not to say she was completely unskilled, because I’m not taking that far, but just speaking in generalizations.

She was originally added into Robin to be a very specific foil to Tim, and be a general pain in his side. That was their dynamic. If that makes it seem weird that they eventually had them date then I agree.

And at the same time for both of their characters they also ignore what the character they’re trying to defend has done, because Damian literally nearly killed Tim. They act like Tim should just get over it, because Damian was a kid in a cult, but that explains why Damian did it, it doesn’t excuse it. When something like that happens the person who was nearly killed is probably going to be traumatized (rather or not Tim was can be argued, I’m not saying he was or wasn’t), and not ever trust the person. Like that is the natural and most accurate response for it.

It’s just villainizing for the sake of being petty.

With Steph they ignore the fact she essentially sexually harassed Tim all the time and straight up emotionally abused him for an arc. Which her fans hate to hear, but that is stuff that happened. It was written by her creator. I don’t really care if Tim took her costume away or kissed her first, because I’m aware, and I know the contexts, and it doesn’t take away from what she’s done, because that’s not how that works. They also ignore she caused Tim to be disfigured by saying she was just doing what Batman said. But at that point she was also an adult, and would know better.

Like Steph can be reckless, that’s part of her character, but she isn’t an idiot.

In the end, from what all I’ve seen, it’s literally just fandom pettiness. There’s a lot of fans out there that act childish, treat people like idiots, blatantly lie about things, or exaggerate stuff.

It’s all very dumb, but I find it hard to take serious, because if they can’t acknowledge what their own favs have actually done, it just comes across like they genuinely don’t like the character and can’t admit it. They prefer to stay in their candy land so they gaslit others instead.

For me it’s as easy as paying attention to the story, seeing the contexts, and a lot of the time it’s not even a thing that’s in-character for any of the characters involved, or at least the very least not nearly as serious as they treat it.

Especially for around the past 15 or more years or so. By then the care in making everything is crafted and makes sense went down the drain so it’s often that a story doesn’t even make sense to begin with.

They think fandom is about making everyone else look bad apparently, or at least they sure act like it.

Like it’s comics. I think the fandom in-general that gets so worked up over stuff needs to relax, deattach yourself to look at it from the grander view, and calm down over it. Because things aren’t always what they seem. People try to convince themselves of so much stuff, or bully others for so much stuff, and it’s all so petty and unhealthy.

My personal philosophy in the fandom to avoid any toxic behavior is to just keep it real. I don’t lie to myself, I give everything the same standard, I definitely don’t bully or gaslit anyone, I don’t treat my favorite like they’re a real dang person either, and I look at it all like how it is, fiction.

It’s the reason why I get upset at writing and not fictional characters. I don’t ultimately care when a character does a bad thing, unless it’s out of character. To me the only thing I get upset with is the writing, because it’s the only thing that’s real.

Don’t be obsessed, and keep the peace essentially.

[jinxthequeergirl]

Lipgloss

Steve Harrington x Hopper! Reader

Summary: the reader has always been steves cooler half but he notices that you start making little changes.

Warning: swearing, none, this is kinda wack it didn't come out the way I wanted it to

~~~~~

You where in fact your fathers daughter in every way possible, tough as nails, quick witted the whole nine yards. And everyone knew it.

The only issue was Steve Harrington, he was your best friend but lately it seemed like he was the only one who could make your cool deminor falter. And everyone seemed to notice it.

You watched Will attempt to follow your steps and skate down the street before turing to stared at Steve as he and dustin made the large order from the ice cream truck. He glanced back at you with a goofy smile making you chuckle.

"Y/n!" Your head snapped forward just in time to see will plow you down on your skate board. "Ah...shit..." You groaned.

"Are you guys alright!?" Steve asked running over to you with the rest of the kids. Dustin helped pull will up as steve helped you up. "Yea...yea I'm fine." You chuckled.

"Sorry kid." You ruffled Will's hair. "It's alright, I'm fine. I'm gonna go again." He said excitedly. Taking the skateboard from the ground and running back to the starting point with Mike and lucas by his side.

"You sure you're fine?" Steve asked again looking you over. "I'm...I'm fine harrington, are you fine?" You asked him nervously. "Yea, yea I think I'm ok." You nodded dusting your hands off on your shorts. "Good, good...oh uh hey wheres my choco Taco?" You asked attempting to save yourself from the conversation.

He looked back over to the Ice cream truck. The man inside was looking impatiently back as the diffrent ice cream bars sat on the counter.

"On it's way." He said jogging back over.

"What was that!?" Max asked coming up beside you with El at her side.

"What was what?" You asked walking to sit on the curb. "With steve! I've never seen you act like that!" Max laughed. You furrowed your brows. "I wasn't acting any way..." You trailed off when Even El gave you a look that said you where acting diffrent.

"C'mon You where totally starting at Steve! And then what was that conversation!?"

"Do you like steve?" El asked cutting in on Max.

You laughed. Both because hearing it outloud made it sound absurd but also out of nervousness.

"Do I..Do I like steve? Me? Liking Steve!?" Max crossed her arms. "I've seen you around boys...it usually ends up with them scared of you...not the other way around."

You opened your mouth but instantly closed it as steve came back over. "Ladies, one orange dreamcicle, A cotton candy swirl and a choco taco." He said handing the ice cream bar to you.

"Thank you kind sir." You winced as the words left your mouth, he laughed and sat next to you digging into his own Ice cream order.

Max and El chuckled at you as you struggled to act normal next to him. "Hey! Y/n?"

"Yea?" You croaked out. "Is it alright if I sleep over at your place tonight?"

You cleared your throat and took your eyes from steve to look at her. "Yea...of course." You smiled lightly.

You winced at the loud crash and steve yelling through the phone. "Sorry about that..." You laughed pouring another bag of candy into a bowl. "No need to apologize...boys will be boys right?"

You could hear him give a light hearted chuckle through the phine making your heart do a little jump in your chest. "How are the girls?" He asked. "Oh you know..doing girl things...painting nails, talking about boys...usual girl stuff."

"Ooh I wouldn't have happened to have been brought up in your boy talk would I?" He asked cheekily. Your face grew hot and you cleared your throat trying to keep cool.

"Why on earth would we talk about you?" You joked. "Ow I'm hurt."

You looked up hearing the girls squeel with joy from the room over. "Ok well sounds like the girls are having fun without me."

"Ok. Hey, I'll see you tomorrow afternoon after I get off of work."

"Of course, Night Harrington."

"Night." You hung up the phone and grabbed the tray of snacks.

"Ladies! Snacks are served!" You announced as you pushed El's bedroom door open. They both looked up from their magazines and ran over to it as you set it down.

"And then Later I picked up some movies from Family video-"

"We had a better Idea!" Max said. "What?" There was knock at the door that El quickly got up to answer as Max sat you down.

"Well me and El wanted to help you with your steve problem."

You shook your head. "I don't have a steve problem." Max rolled her eyes at you.

"Yea sure."

"I heard we where having a girls night, and you needed help with Harrington!" Robin said as she stepped into the bed room.

"Oh god...They got you two involved!?" You asked looking at Nancy and Robin.

Nancy shrugged. "I didn't have anything better to do..."

"Me neither." Robin added hoisting herself ontop of the dresser.

You looked between the four girls and fell back into the bed throwing a pillow over your face and groaning.

"I..i dunno about this guys..."

"We'll just start with small things...like lip gloss!" Max said As you sat infront of the four of them

"Yea! And then we can work up to the bigger stuff!" Nancy said taking the lip gloss from Max.

Their big idea was to give you a make over, 'round out your sharp edges' Nancy had said.

"C'mon guys don't you think Steve should like Y/n for y/n? And if he doesn't then maybe he's not the one for her?" Everyone looked at Robin.

"Actually...actually that doesn't sound like a bad idea." You spoke up. Robin held her hands out to you. "See!"

"C'mon just give this a try, then we can try Robins way." Nancy said holding your chin in her hand to apply the lipgloss. And El held up the mirror to you so you could see yourself.

You frowned slightly at yourself and looked at your glittery lips. "This is kinda stupid." You mumbled wiping it off. "It's not! We can even do your hair a little bit!" Nancy said trying to convince you to go through with it. Max flipped through a magazine and landed on a page.

"We should go with this! Subtle but with a pop!"

You all glanced at the page then at yourself through the mirror. "Have at me if you must."

Robin laughed at the sight eating a handful of popcorn. "You are very helpful." You said to her as El helped do your hair. "Stay still." El said from behind you.

"I just think, maybe you should let things work out on there own..." She said along with pointing at a shirt that Max held up from your closet.

"Ok, ok leave your hair like this tonight...and tomorrow morning take it out and it should look like that." Nancy said pointing to the magazine picture.

You bit your lip and nodded. Thinking about what Robin was saying.

"Ok do this." You followed max's lip motion after you put the lipgloss she had picked last night as you stood outside the mall.

"Ok, ok! You look good! Like yourself but...better."

"Thank you, really." You smiled sarcastically at her.

"You know what I meant!" El rounded the corner quickly. "He's coming!" She said grabbing your wrist and pulling you forward.

"Be yourself! Be flirty!" Max yelled as they basically flung you around the corner into steve.

"Oh hey!"

"Sorry! Hey!" You laughed, Nervously.

"Uh hey! Since you're here do you wanna go...get...food?"

He chuckled. "Yea..I was actually Going to ask you the same!" You nodded and started walking beside him back into the Mall,smiling to yourself.

"Where the hell is steve going!?" Dustin asked coming up beside Max and El.

"A date I think." Max said.

"He was supposed to take us to The arcade!"

You walked scilently beside steve but you could feel him glancing at you.

"What?" You finally asked looking up at him.

"What?"

"Well you keep looking at me so...you must wanna say something or is there something on my face?"

"No! No! Nothing on your face, but Are...are you wearing Lipgloss?" He asked looking closer at you.

You moved from his gaze brushing your fingers under your lips.

"What? N..no!" You laughed nervously.

"It is isn't it! Your wearing something girly!" He laughed. you scowled and punched his shoulder and rubbed the stuff from your lips.

"Ow! C'mon y/n i was kidding." He said rubbing his arm. "Why are you wearing that stuff anyways? You constantly say how much you hate it. "

"It was just a stupid Idea..." You muttered the response and quickly grabbed a seat in the food court.

"No, hey c'mon! It looked good..if thats what you want to start doing I'm not gonna stop you! I'm not saying it was bad just suprising." He said sliding into the seat across from you.

"And hey for what It's worth I think it looked pretty on you, but...but I think you look good no matter what!" He said trying to cheer you up.

"Really?"

It was Steves turn to be the akward one. "Uh..ye..yea..." You smiled turning to him.

"Thanks Harrington...I think you're pretty too." You said jokingly. "Shut up." He said laughing.

You sighed. "Ok...shit..Imma be honest with you...I was wearing it because Nancy and Max thought It would give me a better chance of getting with you...Robin said to just let things happen...I should've just listened to her. " You laughed.

"Yea...really she knew what she was talking about...cause I planned on asking you out this weekend." He said almost nonchalantly.

"You..you where?" He nodded watching you amused.

"I feel kinda stupid now.."

"No! It was kinda funny to watch you be the uncool one for a change."

"Whatever...when should I be ready?" You asked.

"For?"

"Our date. Or did you already forget?"

"Oh uh Saturday like seven-ish?"

You nodded. "Ok..I'll be there."

#steve harrington x reader #stranger things x reader

[souliebird]

More YJ!MindMeld Drabbles

This one is over 1k so It’s going behind a cut.

This isn’t edited and just written to get it out of my head.

Sequel to this piece 

~*~ Tim’s gone over the brownstone fully three times and the room he is in 10 times, making sure there are no bugs. He’s never found any after the first time, but he has Batman instilled paranoia, so there is no way he will never not check. Only once he was sure there was absolutely nothing, he had set up the six electronic scramblers because he could never be too safe.

Even with all that he keeps his voice to a whisper.

“Dick has a new team,” he says, wrapping himself a little tighter in the blanket he had brought with him. It’s not as warm as he thought it would be. The brownstone doesn’t have electricity, thus it doesn’t have any heat. It’s the dead of winter and freezing out and Tim’s practically pressing himself against a frozen mirror. Next time, he’ll bring cocoa.

“Dick had a new team last time,” his reflection replies. Except it isn’t his reflection. The Tim in the mirror is older; hair longer, and more scars. He’s in uniform (Red Robin, Red Robin, maybe one day Tim will take on that mantle it feels so right) but he’s also bundled under a huge blanket, similarly patterned with tacky orange and brown pinstripes because they really are the same person.

The other Tim had the foresight to bring a thermos.

“That team spawned another team, with some strays he picked up. Again. Half the Team at this point is strays Dick has found,” Tim grumbles and he is not bitter or jealous. He’s not. He’s used to this by now. He’s more annoyed by the fact that whatever mission they are doing is top secret and Tim doesn’t even know where his supposed brother is headquartering everything.

“He didn’t find you,” the other Tim points out and somehow that relaxes Tim.

“I guess. Sorry, I shouldn’t spend our time bitching about Dick.”

“Oh, I could bitch about Dick the entire night, but you’re already mad at yours and me ranting about mine might create bias. I can’t have you hating him for something he didn’t do,” the other Tim says with a bit of fondness in his voice.

“I already hate a baby based on what you’ve told me. And have weird mixed feelings about a villain I’ve barely encountered.”

The other Tim gives a huff of laughter and that makes Tim grin. He likes making his other self laugh.

“I haven’t even gotten to the good stuff about Ra’s yet. And by good stuff I mean ninjas following you around on patrol trying to give you courting gifts.”

“Jesus.”

“It’s wrong how much I want you to finally get to that point? It has to be a universal constant. Like the warhead incident.”

Tim balks at the memory. Apparently Tim Drake spraying himself in the eye with warhead candy spray instead of eyemist is a universal constant.

Bruce would break his own moral code and murder Tim if he knew how much Tim knew about universal constants. If he knew how much Tim had told the other Tim and how much the other Tim had told him. If he know how many super secret take to the grave things Tim has shared and has had shared with him.

But Bruce doesn’t know.

It’s been five and three quarter months since Tim and other Tim became linked and no one in his universe knows.

Tim didn’t trust it at first, of course. He tested. He confirmed. He had enough data to ninety-nine percent believe he had somehow become mentally connected with an alternate dimension version of himself. The information the other Tim gave him when they first met was almost enough to prove it then; his name, address, date of birth, his favorite ice cream flavor, little ticks about him that made him Timothy Jackson Drake.

That didn’t even cover the information he had been spoiled with that had proven to be true (Jason Todd was alive, Bruce had a secret kid, the ending to the latest Star Wars movie).

But it wasn’t just the other Tim laying on spoilers to him. His information, it turned out, was just as useful.

“How was the raid?”

The other Tim doesn’t even try to hide his smile, “Oh, it was perfect. Their faces when we busted a plan four years in the making that they hadn’t even gotten the chance to implement yet. Meta-trafficking isn’t such a problem here as there but. It was good. Bruce isn’t happy with the ‘a little birdy told me about the tip’ line. They were too careful to just be stumbled upon.”

Tim smiles and shrugs before curling closer to the mirror, “I’m glad the intel was good. When you mentioned Project Sunshine, I knew it might be a constant.”

“Yeah, well, I’m thankful for that and so are all the kids we saved.” The other Tim pauses, looks down at him. “How was your mission? I caught you were team leader?”

Tim tells his other self about his mission to bust an underground raceway. Not a priority mission, but the car mods involved stolen tech.

He likes telling the other Tim about his missions, and he likes hearing about the other Tim’s patrols. It’s so easy. They get each other, can talk about what annoyed them with someone who understands, or geek about tech, or omit things and still be able to follow along.

Bruce would kill him if he ever found out.

But it’s so nice to have someone to talk to and their reports segue into stories about childhood, or their friends, comparing differences in their world no one else but them would care about.

They talk and talk until the morning light begins to filter into Tim’s side of mirror (not the other Tim’s, though. The brownstone’s windows are boarded up in that universe.)

Their connection starts to weaken and Tim knows by the time the sun fully rises it will snap and he’ll be left staring at this proper reflection.

“Give Jason my best,” Tim says as they start the process of ‘until next month’. The other Tim’s Jason is the only one in either universes to know about their connection.

Tim still can’t get over his other self is in a relationship with Jason Todd.

“I will,” the other Tim promises as he stands up, shrugging the blanket off his shoulders. “He has a few moves he wants to teach you, next time we switch.”

“I hope it is something combat related and not trying to bad card games again.”

The other Tim laughs and smiles at him a moment before it fades into something almost sad. He puts his hand on the mirror and Tim mimics him (mirrors him). He can almost feel warmth coming through the glass.

“We will figure this out, Tim.”

“I know we will.” The other Tim will. Tim’s research has faded off.

He likes the connection.

He doesn’t want it to end.

“Until next month.” They both say as sunlight fills the room.

The connection breaks. With the blink of an eye, he’s staring at Robin of Earth Whatever Number They Are Assigned.

He sighs. Tilts his head back.

Next month can’t come soon enough.

#soulie writes #tim drake #young justice #fanfic blurb

[neverwatchedonepiece]

549-550: "A Rift Opens Up! Luffy vs. Jimbei!" and "Something Has Happened to Hordy! The True Power of the Evil Drug!"

TEAM WORK MAKES THE DREAM WORK, RIGHT GUYS?

Another two good episodes here. They seemed shorter but lots of little things happened to advance the plot, which is good when you’re trying to predict what’ll happen. 

When you notice these more minor developments click into place, it’s like seeing a master watchmaker at work, fitting all the tiny parts together to create a finely-honed plot machine.

Still not sure how they’ll come together but I have a few guesses now.

(Oh, and I only just got the Conchcorde Plaza pun. xD)

Brook’s Out of Body Experience!

This. Was. So. Cool.

I love Brook’s new power up. There was no way I could’ve seen that coming, so kudos to Oda for creativity. I was always a bit worried for Brook, in that he was up against Zoro in the swordsman role. What could he do except back up Zoro? What other unique purpose did he have other than playing sweet, sweet tunes? Well, now Brook can take on stealth and recon for the Strawhats! 

How?

He can force his freaking soul from his own body.

If that’s not badass, I honestly don’t know what to say. (Though he should probably team up with Jiraiya with that pervy peeping habit he’s cultivating. Bad Brook!)

Thanks to Brook, Zoro might be able to cut them out of the cage. I say “might” because the plan relies on Pappagu not having a fear-induced embolism with the disembodied soul of Brook chasing him through the deserted palace.

I mean, it’s hilarious to watch but I fear for Pappagu’s blood pressure. His little starfish face when Brook rose out of the wall wailing, “Pappagu-saaaaaan” was another 10/10 would watch and laugh at again moment. xD

And while Zoro, Usopp and Brook were planning to succeed where Houdini failed, Luffy was duking it out with Jimbei down at the Sea Forest.

Still Agree With Jimbei

But I know how I’d solve the problem...

I honestly wasn’t expecting these two to actually come to blows. I thought Jimbei would manage to calm Luffy and they’d thrash out an agreement.

Not a chance. At least I got another showcase of Fishman Karate. And I just have to let this be said: Fishman Karate is awesome. I always wondered how Jimbei’s hits could affect Luffy, since he’s been rubberized. It’s nice to know the mechanics of the art. Fishman Karate is about manipulating the water all around you. As all humans are 70% water, being punched by a Master like Jimbei would not be a pleasant experience. (I wonder if it’s the same for Logia users, though?)

The comedy moment when Robin stepped in between them was great. Sanji playing the White Knight and getting smashed in both directions by Jimbei and Luffy was another comedy gold moment (probably a good idea after the dark themes of the flashbacks).

And speaking of Sanji.... I was so disappointed. I’ll tell you why. I got an alert for one of the older posts here and it led to a post where you guys were discussing the Flanderization of Sanji. You all said it would get worse. I didn’t quite believe you, but here were are.

It was the moment when Jimbei tried to convince Luffy that wading in and beating the crap out of some Fishmen was not a good idea considering the current political climate. 

“Every time Fishmen opened their hearts to humans, humans disappointed them,” Jimbei said. “Humans are violent. Humans hate and look down on Fishmen. The past planted twisted ideals in Fishmen minds. Take Arlong. Many Fishmen believe humans hunted him only because he was a Fishman. If the Strawhats, who beat Arlong, beat Hordy Jones too, what do you think would happen? Even if it helped solve the crisis, witnessing you beating down Hordy Jones, who is taking a stand against humans, would make the islanders think things will never change.”

A fair point and one I agree with, to be honest.

Then Sanji chipped in, briefly, with an eloquent and thoughtful answer. For a moment, I thought I might have the Sanji of old back. The one who would make a meal for a starving man.

“But Jimbei, we have to rescue our crew and if nothing else is done, Hordy Jones will rule this island,” Sanji countered. “We have lots of friends here. Hatchi is trying really hard to hide who injured him, but he said Hordy Jones attacks those who are sympathetic to humans. Is he doing that because he spoke up for us? I think part of the reason Luffy wants to fight is because this is your home.”

Okay, I thought... this is great. Sanji is being a human being again with capacity for debate and critical thought. Please say this is the return of Sanji?

He acknowledged how Jimbei helped Luffy at Marineford, but that if Luffy wanted to fight, they would go with him as members of the Strawhat crew. They couldn’t just leave the island like this.

“We have a reason to fight.”

Guess what his reason was?

CAMIE-CHAN’S HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERE.

FFS.

I would have been really funny if the joke hadn’t been done to death. I feel a bit sorry for Sanji now. You guys are right. The Flanderization is merciless. :(

But at least I still had the Showdown Between Luffy and Jimbei to sink my teeth into. Neither of them will budge. Normally, I admire Luffy’s drive to protect his friends and fight tooth-and-nail for them. Normally, Luffy’s disregard of the past is refreshing.

Well, when it comes to individuals, that is. When you’re talking entire countries were with millions of inhabitants with varying experiences, a rich history which unfortunately involves violence, slavery and suppression, it’s... less sensible to disregard the past.

Chopper did say Luffy wants to help Fishman Island and his friends, but at the moment, from where I’m sitting as a first time viewer anyway, is that it looks more like Luffy wants to help his friends and Jimbei wants to help his country.

The way to get round it without fighting, I think, is to work together. Show a united front. I mean, a famous Fishman and an infamous pirate human fighting side by side and ridding the island of fanatical extremists? That’s got to sear like a firebrand across the ol’ memory, right? The islanders won’t forget that in a hurry. Maybe seeing cooperation first hand will change opinions. 

Or Oda will let Luffy do what he wants to do. This wouldn’t sit well with me, but if it’s done well enough, I could be convinced.

You Know This Guy Bought His Costume From That 50% Off Store

Meanwhile, Hordy’s goons continued their rampage unabated. Well, the Princes and Palace Guards took down a shark goon until a fodder slipped him a Fish Roid, then all bets were off. Oda is making it very clear that these guys can only fight while Roid-boosted.

I’m trying to decide who’ll fight who. There are less Fishmen Head Goons than Strawhats, so maybe there will be team ups. The Roided shark guy might suit Franky or Sanji.

I can’t remember the name of the angry little guy with the sharp teeth (Daruma?) but I doubt smashing up Big Mom’s candy factory is a good idea. (The little guy might fight Chopper?)

The drunken mercenary swordsman is Extra Drunk and is on a slashing spree. (He’ll obviously engage with Zoro in battle.)

Ikaros, who fears fire because his giant squid pal, Daidalos, was dried out by swimming too close to the sun, has been feeding Fish Roids to Sea Kings, which... isn’t a sensible idea as they turn on their handlers. His spear that turns his victims into dried up raisins is cool. (Maybe Brook could fight him. Would Brook be immune to such a weapon?)

The blue-ringed octopus guy is my favourite Head Goon, by the way. The camouflage and stoic “straight man” comedy role are the best traits of the bunch. This guy is called Zeo: the noble of Fishman District. So noble that when stomped like a cockroach, he still keeps his cool. (He’d suit someone with a tricky fighting style, like Usopp or Robin).

And speaking of Fish Roids...

Hordy Jones Showing Off His Leadership Skills

Luffy and Jimbei had better resolve their differences quickly because Hordy and crew are on their way to Conchcorde Plaza (ha). But... the thing is, Hordy’s been having a rough time. The old wound Zoro gave him, that single slash, has been plaguing him with flashes of pain.

Instead of taking paracetamol like a normal person, Hordy Jones necked a meaty fistful of Roids. When the wisdom of this decision was questioned, Hordy replied in the measured and sensible manner we’ve all come to expect from him. xD

Of course, as soon as he did, he doubled over, palms spread, sweating buckets, veins a-poppin’, with Happy Hardcore BPM speed palpitations.

Turns out necking that many Fish Roids yields an interesting side-effect.

They turn you into an evil, white-haired anime villain! (And they also take years off your life. WINNING!)

#one piece #neverwatchedonepiece #nwop #never watched one piece #monkey d. luffy #jimbei #hordy jones #fukaboshi #fishman island #sanji #roronoa zoro #usopp #brook #pappagu #nico robin #nami #franky #tony tony chopper #camie

[strengthrequireskindness]

Revelations

This is a three-part Halloween fic based on a prompt by @quillsareswords! Since I've been inexcusably inactive lately, I hope this makes up for it!

Title is because I have a major thing for biblical references though I myself am agnostic

----

PROLOGUE

Halloween, one year ago

"I can't believe we have to patrol on Halloween!" Jamila threw up her hands as she paced along the rooftop. An hour into their stakeout had yielded nothing. She was not happy about it.

A flash of green heralded the arrival of her younger twin. His trademark scowl was firmly in place.

"Ttt. You would really rather beg for candy in childish costumes?"

"Better than tracking down a murder suspect that hasn't been seen in months. Do you really think he'd go back to his old house? That's practically asking to be caught."

Damian tutted. His cape swished as he made his way over to her. "He's eluded the GCPD for months now. It's likely why Father sent us."

Jamila couldn't argue with that. While Damian was undoubtedly skilled in combat, his occasional arrogance sometimes caused him to overlook things. She was more subdued, preferring to observe and investigate. Although she would fight if it came to that.

As Blackbird and Robin, they were a dynamic sibling duo, as Dick called it. Though not in front of Damian. The last time he'd done so, her brother had insulted his Discowing fashion choices for eight minutes straight.

"Let's review things-perhaps there's something we've missed." If nothing else, it was something to do.

Damian adjusted the sword at his belt, fiddling with the hilt. While Jamila knew steel blades were out of the question, wooden practice swords packed a punch and might even cause a concussion if used correctly.

"I doubt you would have missed anything."

"Is that a compliment from my brother? What is going on? Should I check to see if we're in a parallel universe?"

"Shut up, Blackbird," he muttered.

"Ooh, scary. Anyway, our lucky winner tonight is Godfrey Nash. Five foot nine, brown eyes, blonde hair, slightly overweight. He worked for Wayne Enterprises before being fired two years ago. In May, the bodies of three women were discovered in his apartment. By then, he'd already skipped town."

She paused. "Background checks say Nash has a history of violence. He got suspended in ninth grade for slamming a kid's face into a chain-link fence. He was also fired from his first job for slashing a coworker's tires."

"So we're looking for a psychopath." Damian's eyes narrowed.

"Not necessarily. It's possible he's just very bad at managing anger."

Her twin scoffed. "That's obvious. I did find something at the crime scene."

"Oh?" Jamila hadn't been able to go to the crime scene because she'd been recovering from a scuffle with Scarecrow. Damian had been forced to take over her usual spot.

"Well, it's what I didn't find that is notable. There wasn't a murder weapon or fingerprints."

"What? Weren't the bodies slashed beyond recognition?"

"Yes, but then or since there has been no knife or something similar found."

She sighed. "So possible metahuman involvement, then. That might explain the lack of prints on the bodies."

"Likely, though Croc has been quiet."

"A new player?"

"Newcomers usually go for Father first. We would have heard about that."

As if Damian had summoned him, Jamila's earpiece buzzed. She switched it on, unsurprised to hear Batman's voice on the other end.

Her relationship with their father wasn't as close as Damian's. While Damian had been discovered first by Bruce, it took some time before the man had trusted her brother enough to believe his stories about a sibling.

Her brother and father found her four years after Damian's defection. She nearly killed Bruce upon their first encounter out of fury and resentment. It took a combined effort by her brother and Nightwing to calm her down. Repeated efforts involving the entire Batfamily taught her to trust others.

She'd forgiven him. Both of them were trying to be closer. But she'd never forget the feeling of knowing that help was out there and wasn't coming.

"Blackbird, report." His voice, as always, sounded like he was gargling with gravel.

"No movement from the house, aside from several police officers taking down the crime scene tape. It's been five months since the bodies were found, so that's not suspicious."

She swallowed before making her pitch. "There's been no sign of Nash and we've been here for sixty minutes. May we take a short break to go trick-or-treating?"

"Negative. There's been a development."

Jamila choked down her disappointment before responding. It wouldn't do to complain to her father. Batman was not the kind of man who changed his mind without good reason. "What is it?"

"Facial recognition confirmed the first victim's identity. It's Delilah Dearborn."

"Wasn't she the socialite you took to the charity gala?"

"Yes."

The answer confirmed her growing suspicions. "Father, tell Tim to calibrate the facial recognition software for women you've taken to public events. I know you're busy with Justice League business. But he isn't."

"All right. I'll have him patch into your comms when he's done. Batman out."

The earpiece went dead. Jamila turned to Damian, who was giving her a dirty look.

"Drake? Really?"

"I know you don't like him. He's better at technology than either of us."

"Ttt. Very well." He crossed his arms, looking for all the word like a petulant little boy instead of a badass vigilante. The fact that he was doing this while pacing along the far side of the roof didn't help matters.

There was a beat of silence before he spoke again. "What's on your mind, sister?"

"One of the victims is someone Father took to a gala. I'm following a hunch. Maybe this is more than just anger issues."

No sooner had she finished her sentence than her earpiece buzzed again. One switch directed her to Tim's voice. He sounded equal parts tired and thoughtful.

"Tim. What do you have?"

"Well, your instincts are spot on, as usual." Furious typing echoed from the other end of the line. "I've recalibrated the software. Matches for the other two victims popped up almost instantly. Marinda Ayotunde and Jessica Blake both dated Bruce. At least that's what the tabloids say. And get this-they're both rich and famous. Ayotunde was related to African royalty. Blake was the CEO of Lionheart Solutions. It's a private security firm that protects society's elites."

"So Nash is resentful of Bruce because Bruce's company fired him. He's resentful of wealthy people too?"

"One out of two. Blake wasn't significantly wealthy yet, but she's famous enough to make it into local papers. My guess is Nash doesn't like people who are significant. He deserves to be significant and they don't."

"Would that extend to the Batfamily?"

It was a pertinent question. Tim's answer would reflect how they proceeded. So Jamila was paying close attention to her earpiece when it happened.

Something grabbed at her leg.

It was a strong grip, far too strong to be human. She struggled. The grip held firm. She bit back a scream as she was yanked off the side of the building.

The impact with the top of the dumpster knocked the wind out of her, sending a spike of pain through her stomach. Definitely a bruised rib if not worse.

Enough self-diagnosis, she chided herself. You're under attack.

A growl from behind her caught her attention. She turned, drawing her bo staff off her back. It annoyed Damian that she used the same weapon as Tim. But that wasn't relevant.

One look at the thing in front of her and she knew that her weapon wasn't going to cut it.

It stood taller than six feet, covered in a ragged coat of what seemed like fur. Gleaming claws curled out of its huge hands and feet. Harsh yellow eyes and a long snout completed the look.

Jamila knew what this was. This couldn't possibly be it. In a world where even her grandfather stayed alive for eternities due to science, a werewolf simply wasn't part of the equation.

It opened its mouth and roared. She saw slavering fangs and breath that stank worse than anything she'd ever smelled before it lunged.

The dumpster saved her. As the monster surged forward, she dodged to the side. She slipped behind the green container and shoved it forward.

It caught the wolf square in the chest, but at a price. The heavy weight dulled her reflexes with predictable results. Her foot caught against a stray bag and sent her plunging forward.

She smacked into the pavement, her hands scraping against the concrete. Panic overtook her now and she scrabbled at the ground for purchase.

Jamila pushed herself upright just as the wolf's (she was calling it that because it couldn't possibly have the were portion of the name) claws raked into her right shoulder. She hissed in pain and thrust her bo staff forward with everything she had.

And the wolf caught it.

She stared in disbelief. This thing had just blocked a full-strength attack with no effort at all. It looked at the staff, tilting its head to the side. A growl rumbled outwards, nearly as loud as the blood rushing in her ears.

The bo staff was yanked out of her hands with no warning at all, clattering to the pavement like a broken toy. The momentum drove Jamila forward, and the wolf took advantage of that. It took her injured arm with its free clawed hand and ripped.

She screamed now, blood pooling out of the remains of her suit's right sleeve. It hurt. It hurt so much she couldn't think straight. How did it do that so fast and so effectively? How could she survive this?

Even with pain clouding her sight, she could see the wolf striding towards her with the walk of something that knows it's won. She raised her leg and kicked out, a last desperate defense against what she knew was coming.

The wolf swatted it aside like a bothersome fly.

A deep rumbling laugh echoed from inside it as her vision darkened. She'd heard that laugh on many a surveillance feed. Stakeouts weren't only visual.

"Oh, I like you. Maybe I'll take you after all."

There was a fierce stabbing pain, a sensation like her organs rearranging themselves, then inky blackness.

---

Part Two will be up tomorrow! Thanks again to @quillsareswords for their excellent inspiration for this!

[shireness-says]

Scrooges and Setups

Summary:  Emma doesn't want to work Storybrooke's yearly winter carnival. She especially doesn't want to work the kissing booth. And she really really doesn't want Mary Margaret to turn this into a setup. ~5.5K. Also on AO3.

A/N: Another pre-tumblr one, transferred over for the Fandom Crescendo! This is another really fun one. I particularly enjoyed writing Wildly Inappropriate Ruby - hopefully I can revisit that soon... Still unbeta’d. Rated T because my basic vocabulary includes a lot of swear words. Enjoy, and let me know what you think! 

Emma’s neighbor, Mary Margaret, is a witch. Or a demon. A witch or a demon very focused on the holiday spirit and community service. She must be. It’s the only explanation for how Emma Swan – full time bartender, part-time hermit, and slight Scrooge – has been roped into volunteering at the Storybrooke Winter Carnival.

(Well, that and the fact that M’s said all the proceeds went to help out the local children’s home – a cause that could melt even Emma’s cold heart.

But still. Probably witchcraft too.)

Emma has volunteered – been volunteered? The technicalities are still a bit of a blur to her – but that doesn’t mean she has to be happy about it. She’ll be there, just not with rings on her fingers or bells on her toes, or whatever the kids say. She certainly won’t be wearing a Santa hat or a Christmas sweater or any of that nonsense. Mary Margaret will just have to deal.

It’s not that Emma hates Christmas, per se. She really has nothing against the holiday, it’s just not something she celebrates. Growing up in the system, she was lucky to get a new pair of shoes for Christmas. Maybe a dollar store craft set or some school supplies. As an adult, she’s never really had anyone to celebrate with. But she moved to Storybrooke back in March – just needed a change in pace, had sporadically kept in touch with Jeff after they both aged out of the system, and finally caved to his begging for her to move closer – and discovered very quickly that holidays here were a Very Big Deal. Especially when you lived next door to Mary Margaret Blanchard, local princess and holiday enthusiast.

Technically, she has the whole day off. When she asked Jeff for a few hours off from the Rabbit Hole, he had gotten very excited – “Of course Emma! It’s so great to see you getting involved! Grace and I will see you there!” – and given her much more time than she had requested. She could get to the town square early, like a respectful professional. But she doesn’t. Emma doesn’t want to go at all, so she shows up as late as she thinks she can get away with without being yelled at by the petite, pixie-d brunette.

Even Emma has to admit, the square looks great. Mary Margaret has clearly gone all out, stringing lights everywhere, all the booths decked out in candy stripes, garlands and snowflakes everything. Unfortunately, Emma barely has a moment to admire the scene before the woman herself comes rushing over. In an elf costume. Of course.

“You barely made it on time, Emma!” she scolds. Emma’s not entirely sure why – she was on time, right? As Emma contemplates this, Mary Margaret has clearly moved past her pseudo-disappointment, ushering Emma across the grass towards God-knows-where. “That’s alright, the person you’re working with is late too, it will be fine. You’ll be working right over here.”

And then M’s stops right in front of the kissing booth.

You have got to be fucking kidding me.

No, no, it’s not enough just to think that thought. “Mary Margaret, are you kidding me? What the hell?”

At least Mary Margaret has the grace to look chastened. “Well, you see, almost everyone else has a significant other… I just thought, you’re so pretty, you could pull a lot of traffic and make a lot of money for – “ and oh God, Emma does not want to hear about the kind of traffic she’ll pull.

“I need you to stop right there, Mary Margaret, before this sounds even more like you’re prostituting me out than it already feels.”

At least she has the decency to look slightly ashamed.

Looking around the room, Emma sees a crowd of people with better jobs than her. David is at the arcade games, taking tickets; Regina is manning the silent auction table; Robin is making a valiant effort at the cotton candy stand. Ruby and Belle even get to work together, selling pie – both the ones made by Granny and the more questionable products of Belle’s recent cookbook explorations. Meanwhile, she’s stuck here. At the kissing booth. Where she has to kiss people.

“It won’t be that bad,” Mary Margaret tries to reason. “You won’t even have to kiss everyone! We set it up on a wheel, and only half the options it lands on are for a kiss! The rest are for, like, Granny’s coupons and free arcade tickets. And there’s another person too! So, you know, that’s not so bad, right?”

Emma wants to scream, wants to cuss Mary Margaret out, but the fact of the matter is that she can’t say no to the sweet teacher’s cherub face. So she’s left weakly nodding, as Mary Margaret beams.

“Wonderful! Thank you so much for doing this, Emma, you won’t regret it! Now, you can take two 15 minute breaks as long as your booth partner is still here, it’s a dollar per spin, and doors open in fifteen minutes. Great? Great!”

Mary Margaret is officially a whirlwind of enthusiasm and Emma has no idea how she’s gotten pulled in. Again, probably witchcraft. She thinks the worst is over, she hears M’s pipe up one more time.

“Oh! Here’s your booth partner now! Killian, over here!”

And when Emma thought things couldn’t get worse, she was wrong, because M’s looks far too innocent and yet, at the same time, smug, to not be up to something.

A man – Killian, must be – veers in their direction, and Emma realizes in a horrible moment of clarity that today isn’t just forced merriment and community service, isn’t just being roped into working a kissing booth. No. This is a damned setup.

Emma could kill her neighbor. She really could.

“Killian, it’s so good to see you! This is Emma, she’ll tell you all about how this works. I think David needs something, I’ll see you both later!”

And then she bolts. The witch.

To his credit, this Killian does look a little confused. Emma almost feels bad for him. “I take it she didn’t tell you where you’d be working, either?”

He scratches behind his ear – somewhat adorably, at that.

(No, not adorably. She resents Mary Margaret’s efforts to meddle. She will not be charmed by this man who’s been shoved in her direction.)

“Er… not as much, no. I actually figured I’d be working with my brother.”

She’s not particularly interested, but this whole situation is bad enough as it is. There’s no need to add an awkward silence to make things worse. So instead, she asks the obvious question. “Your brother?”

He practically beams, and Emma hopes she hasn’t encouraged him too much. “Yeah, my brother, Liam. He and his fiancé are over working the snow cone station.”

Sure enough, glancing over, she sees a tall, curly-headed man with Killian’s eyes handling the cash box as a slender blonde works the ice shaver with gusto. As she turns a skeptical eye back to Killian, he shrugs.

“I know, it looks awfully unchivalrous, but would you believe me if I said she insisted? Says it’s a good place to work out her stress. Elsa’s actually got arms of steel under that fleece.”

Emma can only hum in return. She’s fine, now to let things fall into silence, but her new booth partner jumps back in. “I’m Killian Jones, by the way. Work down at the docks. And you are…?”

“Emma. Swan. Bartender.” She quickly remembers the instructions M’s tasked her with. “I guess it’s a buck to spin the wheel, and we get two fifteen minute breaks, whenever you want, as long as I’m here to be in charge.”

He nods. “Simple enough.” But suddenly – maybe it’s because she put him at ease, letting talk about his brother – she can just see him put on an attitude. “What do you say, love? Want to practice kissing before the crowds get here?”

And ugh, she remembers why she doesn’t do set ups.

This is going to suck.

------

It becomes quickly obvious that Emma and Jones have very different strategies for the day.

Emma’s plan was to sit slouched in one of the provided chairs, generally looking unenthusiastic and discouraging any traffic. Killian, on the other hand, has taken up the role of a carnival barker, bringing in a steady stream of traffic.

“Having fun yet, Swan?” he offers after the first half hour. Emma can only glare.

------

She was right. This fucking sucks.

Ok, not all of it is bad. A troop of Mary Margaret’s second graders came through, and it was very cute how the little boys blushed when she planted one on their cheeks. And it was hilarious seeing one particularly bold little girl pull Killian down to plant one on him, instead of the other way around.

However, with the good, comes the bad. The very, very bad, in the form of Leroy.

Emma doesn’t normally have issues with Leroy – he’s a bit cantankerous, sure, but so is Emma, and he tips decently whenever he’s at the Rabbit Hole. Which is often.

But today, he seems bound and determined to test Emma’s patience. In the two and a half hours the carnival’s been running, he’s come by the booth three times, and is now approaching for a fourth. And, of course, he’s landed the wheel on a kiss every time. Bastard. If he lands on kiss a fourth time, he’s not getting a smooch – he’s getting a knee to the balls.

The universe truly must have it out for her today, because he does land on a kiss again. Of fucking course. She watches, practically in slow motion, as Leroy leans in, and with a feeling of dread, Emma just knows that he’s going for the lips this time. She braces herself, ready to punch him or knee him or something else violent… when Killian swoops in and pecks him on the cheek.

“There you go, Leroy, a nice smooch. You enjoy the rest of your afternoon!”

Leroy sputters, but stalks off as Emma just looks at Killian with confusion – and wonder.

“Uh… thanks. I think. I could have taken care of that, but thanks.”

He chuckles. “Oh, I’m perfectly aware of that, darling, I just thought I’d spare you the trouble and scraped knuckles. Let’s just hope that nuisance doesn’t come back.”

(And when Leroy does start making his way over, another fifteen minutes later, Emma happily takes Killian up on his suggestion that she take advantage of one of her breaks.)

------

Emma takes the opportunity during her break to go talk to Ruby and Belle. Not only can Ruby catch her up on any gossip there might be about Jones (because mark her words, that man is a mystery), but she can probably weasel some pie out of them to boot. She needs food, after all.

As she approaches the ladies, it’s a struggle not to laugh at Belle’s forlorn look – seemingly over her poor culinary attempts.

“Of course they taste fine, babe!” she overhears Ruby placate as she approaches. “They just… well, they’re not the prettiest. But so tasty, and isn’t that what matters?”

Emma has to admit, Belle’s pies do look a little bit of a mess next to Granny’s masterpieces, what with their deflating meringues and messy, torn up crusts and lattices. Emma takes pity on the poor woman and orders a hefty piece of the Boston crème pie. (It is actually pretty good, looks aside.)

Newly distracted by Emma’s presence, Ruby turns to her with a wolfish grin and a waggle of the eyebrows. “So, I see Mary Margaret walked you right into a set up again. At least he’s good looking.”

Belle has a more concerned look on her face. Really, some days it’s a wonder how her and Ruby’s relationship works so well. “You be nice to him, Emma. He’s a lovely man, more sensitive than he lets on.”

That perks Emma’s attention. “You know him, then? What can you tell me?”

Ruby smirks. “Oh, we know him alright. Comes into the diner for coffee every weekday morning, volunteers at the library Saturday afternoons. He’s the harbormaster, I think, whatever the hell that means.”

It’s nice to hear the information that Ruby has, but these kinds of details are a little useless to Emma. She could follow him around for week if she wanted his schedule. “C’mon, Ruby, what’s the gossip? What’s he like? I can’t get a proper read on this guy. “

Ruby pauses to think for a moment before delivering her information with almost business-like efficiency. “He’s… careful, I guess. Does everything with purpose, like he’s thought it through. Likes to fancy himself a gentleman, even when he’s playing up that cocky flirty thing, and for the most part it’s true. Positively devoted to his brother, nearly to the point of hero worship. Rumor is he was engaged a few years back, before he and his brother showed up in Storybrooke, but it’s anyone’s guess what happened there.”

Belle takes the opportunity to cut in. “I mean it, Emma, be careful with him. He’s a really good guy, and even if he doesn’t want to admit it, he deserves a lot more than your usual one and done.”

It’s a lot to process. But her break is almost over, her pie is long since gone, and Emma has to work her way back to her own personal hell – the damned kissing booth.

------

Jones looks disturbingly smug as she walks back over, making Emma more nervous than she’d like to admit. “What are you smirking at?” she grumbles, sliding back into her seat.

If anything, that only makes the smirk grow. “Oh, nothing. Just observing you ladies talking about me.”

It’s infuriating, really, how he’s able to read her like that. All the same, she has a near compulsive need to not let on how right he is. “How do you know that’s what we were talking about? For all you know, we were talking about pie. Some of Belle’s efforts are real shockers.”

He scoffs. “Please, I saw all the glances cast my way. It’s quite alright, darling, I don’t mind. Though it would have been much simpler just to ask me your questions. So, what did they tell you?”

She should just keep her mouth shut, but Emma is fully entrenched in her defensive stance. “Who says I learned anything?”

“Please, Swan, don’t insult my intelligence. Anyways, don’t I have the right to know?”

She sighs. Jeez, the man can wear her down. “You know, just the basic. You volunteer at the library, love your brother, have some fancy job at the docks. That kind of thing. Don’t get your knickers in a twist.”

“Ah, the basics,” he replies in a mock-serious tone with a lift of his eyebrows. “And did you get all the answers you wanted?”

Emma shrugs, for lack of a better answer. Unfortunately, Jones seems to take that as encouragement.

“Well, as I’m sure you’ve learned, I hold the very official-sounding job of harbormaster, which usually means I’d be in charge of monitoring incoming shipments, but since this is Storybrooke, it mostly means I collect the monthly docking fees and try to pay attention to whether everyone makes it back safely at night. I do have a brother, who is an absolutely insufferable git but who I love anyways, and who I have a minor hero complex towards. I’m working on it. I am also working on various insecurity and self-confidence issues, as well as a former over-dependence on alcohol to ignore my problems. In my spare time, I read far too many murder mysteries, dream about purchasing my own ship, and am desperately trying to keep a houseplant alive long enough to be comfortable adopting a dog. Does that about cover things?”

She nods mutely. Really, it’s the most thorough introduction she could have hoped for.

“Excellent.”

They work in silence for a few more minutes, collecting a few more dollars and distributing a few more kisses, before Emma interrupts their pattern.

“Ruby said you used to be engaged?”

It’s like a sudden, icy wall crashes down over his expression. “Yes. Now if you’ll excuse me, I think it’s time I took one of my breaks.”

And he stalks off in the direction of the snow cone stand, leaving Emma wondering just what the hell she’s done.

------

It’s a little fascinating, watching the brothers Jones interact. There’s so clearly an older sibling/younger sibling dynamic between the two, the way Liam puts on a look of patient exasperation while Killian rants, and then Killian looks chastened while Liam calmly replies. Eventually, the younger just slumps and collapses in on himself as the elder rubs his back comfortingly. Emma doesn’t have a sibling – the closest thing she has is Jeff, thanks to three years of being in the same group home and then the same school, where he looked after her in his own eccentric way. It’s truly interesting to her, watching the way these two interact, seeing what a sibling relationship can be like and should be like. It’s almost enough to ignore the frequent glances thrown in her direction.

Inevitably, she gets distracted by the carnival-goers, and by the time she can turn her attention elsewhere again, Jones is wandering back to the booth, visibly less tense. Whatever Liam had to say must have been damn effective. As he approaches, his hand raises to scratch behind his ear, like some kind of nervous habit.

“I trust that Leroy didn’t bother you in my absence?”

Emma shrugs in return. “Nah, he stayed away. Think he discovered Sister Astrid at the hand-dipped candle booth, poor thing.”

“Good, good.” He shifts on his feet, looking uncomfortable, like he’s trying to find some difficult words. “Look, I’m sorry I reacted the way I did, and then ran off and left you to the wolves. Bad form, that. It’s just… I don’t talk about Milah particularly often. It’s difficult, and I’m not particularly keen on it.”

Immediately, Emma understands where she went wrong, and feels distinctly uncomfortable. God, she really stuck her foot in her mouth this time, didn’t she? “You don’t have to if you don’t want to – forget I asked.”

“No, no, as Liam reminded me, you didn’t mean badly. And since you’ve rather been forced into this set up – “

“I swear, M’s must have pulled this from a damned Hallmark movie – “

“ – forced into this setup, it’s only right that you know who you’ve been shoved into company with.” He takes a deep breath, like he’s steeling himself for what he’s about to say, and God, Emma feels like the shittiest human alive. “I was engaged. To the most wonderful woman. But then she died, right in my arms – an undiagnosed heart condition, they said. And I haven’t really put myself out there since. Something Liam likes to remind me, actually. Milah was just… she was my entire life. My world centered on making her happy. It’s hard to bounce back from that. That was one of the reason I moved here, actually –I needed to escape all the memories in Boston, and Liam already lived here. It was a natural choice. But I don’t talk about my Milah very often, because it makes me upset, and I desperately need to move on with my life. So I’m sorry that I stormed off on you earlier, Swan. It truly wasn’t something personal. I’m just… out of practice, talking about this.”

There’s probably a lot of things she should say, try to comfort him and whatnot. Any number of things would have been appropriate. But Emma’s not good with feelings – her own or others’. So instead, she blurts out a “How do you know Mary Margaret?” It’s a non sequitur, sure, but it’s the best she can do. Show that she doesn’t care or that his outburst doesn’t change anything or that she’s not judging him or… whatever.

He blinks a few times, clearly thrown, before grinning. Lucky for her, he apparently understands Emma’s sloppy attempts at connecting. “It’s a little bit of a stretch actually. Liam is a deputy at the police station with David, Mary Margaret’s husband. And I’m sure you know how she tries to take care of everyone. You’re the neighbor, right?”

“For better or worse. Today, it’s worse, I think.”

Jones – Killian laughs. He’s got a nice laugh, really. “I take it, based on the grumbling, this is one of the ‘worse’ days?”

“You bet your ass it is,” she mutters as another townsperson walks over. Thankfully, they just win a Granny’s coupon – no kiss – and actually seem to be pretty happy about that. “Mary Margaret has been great to me, but she’s just… so much. I’m not really big on Christmas, and definitely not big on setups.”

Interestingly, he focuses on her first point rather than her second. Emma is choosing to believe that means he agrees with her on the matchmaking front. “You’re not big on Christmas, Swan? Don’t tell me you’re some kind of Grinch.”

Emma rolls her eyes. “I don’t actively hate it, like a Grinch, I just… never really had a reason to go all out celebrating.” She pauses. After his deep, heartfelt story of lost love, she feels like he might deserve a little glimpse of herself. Quid pro quo or whatnot. “Growing up in the system, very few families actually made a big deal about the holiday for the kids in their care. Those few who did, I always kinda felt like an outsider, like the holiday wasn’t for me, somehow. Then ever since I aged out, it’s just been me, by myself. Hard to make a big deal of the holiday for yourself.”

Killian looks vaguely scandalized. Appalled, even. “Well, that simply won’t stand! You have to come to Liam and I’s yearly bash next week.”

“I don’t know…” she tries to start, but he’s butting back in.

“Ruby and Belle will be there, and so will Mary Margaret and David  – not to mention, my handsome self – so you can’t say you won’t know anyone. Plus…” He goes for the ear scratch again. God, that really is a nervous habit with him, isn’t it? “Plus, our first annual party was right after I moved to town, so I could meet everyone. Seems only right to pass it on.”

Emma has to admit, it is oddly poetic. She finds herself nodding an affirmative, almost without conscious thought. It’s worth it though, to see the way his face lights up when he realizes she’s accepted his invite.

“Excellent! I promise, Swan, you’ll have a hell of a time. Now, if I can recommend getting really back to work and attracting more people? I know our cash pull has been impressive, but I think we can rustle up even more. I must say, we make quite the team.”

She groans, dreading more kissing wheel contestants, but he does have a point – when it comes to this awful holiday tradition, at least, they make quite the team.

------

The rest of the afternoon goes a lot more smoothly. After all their talk of the personal, conversation comes a lot easier between the two, and she actually finds herself enjoying his company. Beneath that cocky exterior really is a sweet man, she’s shocked and relieved to learn.

Most of their time is spent betting on who each approaching townsperson is looking to buy a kiss from. He’s pretty good at it, actually – guessing who is motivated by a crush, who is motivated by getting a laugh, and who just wants to pick whoever seems less scary (those always go his way – somehow, they prefer his charming smile to her scowl). The one exception to this is when Jefferson and Gracie swing by. Killian had seen the excitable seven-year-old and had automatically assumed his good looks would be more of a draw to a young girl. It’s gratifying, in some sort of hilarious way, to see the confusion on his face when Emma gives the little girl an enthusiastic smooch, and receives one in return. As the two stand together, cackling at Killian’s confused face, it finally dawns on him that he’s been had.

“Oh, that’s cheating, Swan, not telling me you knew the lass. Bad form, that.”

He is, however, able to overlook that small deception when he takes his second break (and is it really a deception, if he just made assumptions without full information that she didn’t bother to correct?) and brings her back a hot dog and onion rings from Granny’s booth when he returns, on the logic that “the lines are bloody awful, love, I’m just saving you the hassle.”

It’s weird. She didn’t want to like Killian, when Mary Margaret so clumsily threw him into her path, but she does. He’s got a good sense of humor and a competitive streak that rivals her own and fancies himself a gentleman, like he’s straight out of some ridiculous Regency romance or something.

Emma could overanalyze that, if she wanted to. Probably will when she gets home. But for now, she gratefully accepts the snack and moves to enjoy her own break.

------

“So, when you gonna jump that hot piece of ass?”

Ruby, ever the picture of subtlety.

Belle, at least, has the decency to look shocked by her girlfriend’s actions. “Ruby!”

Unfortunately, Ruby will not be contained. “I’m, just saying, they’re getting pretty cozy now that they’re over whatever that spat was earlier. She could do a lot worse, you know.”

They both focus their attention on Emma at that moment, almost like they’ve been cued. “Well?” Ruby asks impatiently.

“He’s… not what I expected.”

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?” God, somebody really needs to sign Ruby up for etiquette lessons.

Emma narrowly avoids rolling her eyes. “I don’t know, he’s just… he likes to act like he’s so cocky, you know? And he really isn’t. I totally thought he was going to be a dick, but…”

“But now you might get the dick?”

“Ruby!” Belle hisses, clearly mortified, even if her partner isn’t. Turning to Emma in a clear attempt to move on from Ruby’s antics, she asks “So do you think you’ll go out with him sometime? Oh, Emma, I think you two could have such a lovely time together.” She quickly holds up a stern finger at the sight of Ruby’s smirk. “Do not say ‘in bed’ or so help me God.”

Emma just shrugs. “I don’t know. I might go to his Christmas party, see what happens from there.”

And true, she still has a few more minutes and doesn’t strictly have to leave right that second, but Emma still chooses to make her excuses and head back to her own booth. There’s only so many quips she can take from Ruby before she snaps.

------

Before she knows it, the day is over, and she and Killian are gathering their things to leave. She’s almost sad – Emma may have been dreading this day for weeks, but Killian really made it almost bearable.

For some inconceivable reason, he almost looks nervous, scratching behind his ear yet again. “So… I know I mentioned our little holiday party earlier, but do you think you would like to come? I mean, you don’t have to but it’s a good time and there will be drinks if nothing else and –“

Emma quickly nods before his sentence can ramble any further.

His face lights up for a moment, before he devolves back into stuttering. “Ok! Yes. Good. Ok. Ok, well, I guess I’ll have Liam give an invite to David to give to you?”

“Yeah, that’ll work.”

There’s an awkward silence, their first in long while. Emma feels like they should be marking the end of this day somehow special, but she’s coming up with nothing. “So…” she finally breaks in. “I’ll see you around, then?”

He looks a little disappointed, but nods all the same. “Of course, Swan.” And then, the bastard, he lifts her hand to press a kiss to its back. “It’s been a pleasure, Emma.”

She barely manages to nod dumbly and mumble out a “You too” before she turns and leaves. Well, flees more like. But for once, it’s not out of some great fear of commitment or being left behind and disappointed. This time, it’s purely so she doesn’t say anything else that would make her look like a damn fool.

Her reaction probably isn’t ideal, but she’s standing behind it.

------

She tries to focus all week. She really does. But the bar is shockingly slow for this time of year (hey, if she had a family, she’d probably be trying to escape them at the bar too) and TV is all reruns and Emma just can’t stop thinking about blue eyes and a kiss to the hand and the way that she really, really wants to see him again.

She’ll never admit it out loud, of course. When Ruby or Mary Margaret mention the party, she grumbles like always (not looking forward to the party is accurate, at least – she’d rather be with him in her own empty apartment for more private celebrations, seasonal or otherwise, than at some ridiculous themed party). But she really wants to see him again. Which is weird, because Emma hates setups on principle. And the idea of Mary Margaret being all smug about the whole thing… ugh. So when she finally gives into the inevitability of thinking about Killian, she uses the time to prepare herself emotionally for the God awful sappy, smug, or downright inappropriate reactions she’s sure she’ll receive from everyone in her life.

------

Saturday comes sooner than expected, despite the fact that the rest of the week seems to drag, and Emma finds herself prepping for a party. If Ruby was here, Emma is sure she would have been squeezed into some kind of skin-tight dress and stilettos, but Emma’s been left to her own sartorial devices, so a white sweater with boots it is. Hey, she’s going to wear her red leather jacket, that’s Christmasy enough.

For all of her confidence during the week, her determination to actually make a damn move, she can feel her boldness draining away the closer her Bug gets to Liam and Elsa’s little seaside cottage. By the time she reaches their door, holding a bottle of whiskey like some kind of armor (and let’s face it, she’ll probably need drinks to get through this night), Emma is about ready to turn tail and run. Before she can talk herself out of it, she rings the doorbell, hoping someone hears her over the din she can already hear through the door.

And of course, all her fears are put to rest the moment the door opens, because Killian looks positively thrilled to see her.

“Swan! You made it!”

“Yep, I’m here. Grinch spirit and all.” Before she can well and truly lose her nerve, she jerks a thumb back into the darkness. “Hey, can I talk to you for a moment?”

Killian looks a little confused, but apparently is willing anyways. “Sure, I suppose I can step away for a moment.”

They find a spot around the side of the house where it’s finally quiet enough for her to talk freely.

“Is anything the matter, love? I know you’re not big on Christmas but I promise there’s no more than two stupid games in there and there’s a few people you know and I really think –“

“Did you have fun the other day? At the booth? With me?” And oh, that’s certainly smooth, well done Emma.

“Well, yes, surprisingly, I had a lovely time with you. Ridiculous games aside.”

“Do you want to have fun again?”

“Do I want to have fun again?”

“Yes. Fun. With me. In a setting that doesn’t involve a kissing wheel.”

His grin starts slow, but grows to stretch from ear to ear. “Emma, are you trying to ask me on a date?”

Part of Emma wants to protest, because she typically Does Not Do Dating. But she sucks it up, raises her chin, and answers a definitive “Yes. If you want.”

He scoffs. “If I want? Emma, I would have suggested our own version of the kissing wheel at the carnival if I didn’t think it would end poorly. I’d love to go on a date with you.”

Finally, the universe is working in her favor, because after a moment smiling goofily at one another, they move together simultaneously to share a kiss. A good kiss. A really, really great kiss that she’d be up for repeating every day of the week and extra on Sundays.

As they finally break apart to walk back inside the house hand and hand, Emma suddenly has perhaps the weirdest, craziest thought yet.

Maybe she could get into this Christmas thing after all.

#my writing #scrooges and setups #ouat fandom crescendo #cs ff #cs modern au #christmas in may #featuring grouchy emma #wildly inappropriate ruby #and whatever the ruby/belle relationship is called #oh and a kissing booth

[crowned-ladybug]

I'm curious to know what your headcanons are for Robbie's relationships with Anti and Marvin and the other egos! 80c (And don't feel bad! We're here to support you, muy dude! 💜) -Asri

!!!!! 💜

Sorry in advance for all spelling mistakes, I'm using my SmallLaptop Irwin rn who for some dang reason only has US spellcheck and Idon't fuck with that

(Also, this got long bc there's so many egos that I had ideasfor.....heck.)

Anti p much adopted Robbie as his baby brother like right away(and Marvin teased him about "collecting brothers" but Antitold him to fuck off. He will collect a hundred brothers if he wantsto. All the borthers. Let him have them.) and he's really protectiveof him. But amongst many other things, he's loud, still doesn't fullyunderstand his own strength and expresses affection through physicalcontact a lot, and that's all something that on most days Robbiedoesn't really want any of. So it took them a bit of work to beProper Good Siblings but they got there and they're really close now.Anti doesn't have the patience to teach Robbie stuff but they hangout and play a lot, and Anti likes getting Robbie cool gifts (likehis chewy necklace and a couple other stim toys). He's also veryproud of Robbie no matter what he does. Robbie calls him Annie.

In my verse, Marvin isn't the reason Robbie exists, but he stilllikes him a lot. Robbie is absolutely fascinated with magic andMarvin is more than happy to entertain him. He also likes setting uppuzzles and games for Robbie that they can do together and bond over,and he was the one who got Robbie legos to help him with his finemotor skills. When he's hurt/scared/needs help, Marvin is one of thepeople Robbie usually runs to (Anti being the other), and Marvin willdrop pretty much anything to help him. Marvin also knows decent firstaid, how to treat/stitch up wounds and a bit of basic healing magic,so he can fix Robbie up if he happens to lose a limb or two. Also,Marvin likes to draw and sometimes he'll just do that while Robbiesits next to him working on a colouring book of his own. Robbie callshim Marr (previously Ma, but Marvin very quickly denied that).

At first Jackie didn't know what to make of Robbie bc all he knewwas that he's a zombie, so Jackie was scared he would be a danger tohis family. When it turned out that Robbie is just an uncoordinatedsweetheart, he instantly grew on him. He's one of the two people whousually cook for Robbie (he doesn't need to eat, but he likes to),and just like Marvin, he knows how to fix him up too. Robbie looks upto him, both bc he's tall and strong and bc he's a hero, and Jackieis a big softie who's convinced he doesn't deserve that adoration.Robbie is very much aware of what's between Jackie and Marvin, and sowhen Marvin is sad and Robbie doesn't know how to help him, he'llfind Jackie and drag him over by the hand, all the while repeating"Marr sad, hel' Marr, love Marr". Robbie calls him Jee (heshortened Jackie into just one syllable).

Chase and Robbie get along well, though they don't hang out thatmuch bc Chase is busy with his own life and kids, but Robbie is likea kid in a lot of ways and Chase has undeniable experience on thatfront. He loves playing with Robbie or telling him stories or singingto him (Robbie can't sing but he hums along enthusiastically), and hedefinitely has a drawing or two from him on his fridge. He's also theother person who will cook for Robbie sometimes. Robbie has only metChase's kids a couple times before for everyone's good, bc Robbiedoesn't really know his own strength and gets startled easily bystuff no one really sees coming. He's also usually the one to fix upany tears in Robbie's clothes (if not him then Marvin). Robbie justcalls him Chase, tho sometimes he'll try to call him "bro"and get stuck on making "brr" noises bc it's amusing.

Schneep enjoys Robbie's company bc he can be surprisingly tame andquiet. Their friendship started with just Schneep fixing Robbie upevery time he got hurt and Jackie or Marvin couldn't help, and Robbiestarted liking him bc he would always give him sweets or stickers andwould always be very gentle with him. Now Robbie will sometimes justsit in Schneep's office while Schneep is working on his own things,colouring or drawing or building stuff, or maybe practising signing.Schneep likes having him around bc he's good company who doesn't makemuch noise or demand his attention a lot. Sometimes Robbie will reachover and pat him on the head though bc while he doesn't exactly likephysical contact, he's learned from Anti that patting ppl on the headis a Good Thing to show that you Love Them, and Schneep always smilesat him sweetly when he does that. Robbie calls him Schneep, Sheep orHen (from Henrik).

Robbie's relationship with Shawn Flynn didn't exactly startsmooth. To be precise, it started with Robbie knocking stuff over inShawn's workshop and wanting to adopt every plushie he saw. Robbiestill feels bad about it. Shawn knows he doesn't have the patience orcapacity to handle Robbie for long, but he tries to visit him asoften as he can and bring him little gifts to show that he's not mad.Robbie usually gives him little drawings in return, and don't tellanyone, but Shawn keeps all of them tucked away in a separate drawer.Robbie calls him Finn (most egos call him Flynn, bc Shawn sounds thesame as Seán).

Most things Dark knows about Robbie he knows from Anti. Theyreally don't hang out much. Dark knows he wouldn't be able to put upwith Robbie for long, and if this were the old Dark, he'd just takehis frustration out on Robbie and enjoy making him cry. But thisisn't the old asshole Dark, so he mostly just avoids Robbie until heknows how to handle him. But just like even if you don't like kidsyou should never be mean to them, Dark is never mean to Robbie ifRobbie approaches him. He usually just smiles, says something nice inresponse to whatever Robbie has just told him and moves on with hisday. Robbie finds him very cool and mysterious, and the other egosfind it amusing, but he thinks Dark is a very pleasant person, he'sjust quiet. He also understands that Anti loves him very much. Heusually approaches Dark to give him flowers, because he sees Darkwalking around with a lapel flower sometimes and deduced that okay,he must like flowers then. Robbie calls him Dark or Darr.

Wilford is not allowed around Robbie bc he keeps trying to get himinto dangerous shit. Robbie kind of likes him, kind of doesn't, bcWilford gives him candy, smells nice and is Very Interesting, buthe's also a sensory overload on two legs. He recognises now whenWilford is trying to talk him into something reckless that the restof the egos wouldn't approve of, and his Perfect Response to it issticking his tongue out at Wilford. No one knows where he got thatfrom, but it's absolutely hilarious to watch. Robbie calls him Willor Wilf.

Host very openly calls Robbie his friend, and everyone wassurprised the first time he did that. Most of Host's projects aredark and lonely, except for when he's working on teaching Robbie signlanguage with Oliver. Without actively trying, Robbie can cheer himup or just make his day a little better, even if it sometimesinvolves sticking band-aids onto Host's face when his eyes arebleeding really badly. Robbie sometimes brings him flowers to cheerhim up (he probably gets his love for flowers from Jackie'sinfluence) and Host keeps them on his desk in his recording studio.Robbie calls him Host or Hosh.

Bing adores kids and so he adores Robbie too. If Robbie is doingsomething noisy and just...all over the place, chances are Bing isinvolved. He'll never do super dangerous stuff with him likeskateboarding, but he's definitely guilty of introducing Robbie tothe magic that is water balloons. Bing sees Robbie as a little cousinwho isn't entirely human just like him. Robbie used to just call himBing, but once he called him Bee and Bing laughed at it, so now heonly calls him Bee.

Google Red, Green and Blue don't really care about Robbie, butOliver finds him adorable and unlike the other three, gives him thecredit he deserves for his intelligence. Oliver teaches Robbie signlanguage along with Host, so he spends a lot of time with him whenhe's not working. Outside of lessons they don't get to hang out a lotbc Oliver is busy working with his brothers, but he'll never shooRobbie away when he approaches him (and once the other egos startmoving out, they do start spending more time together). Robbie usedto see Oliver as some sort of teacher, but when he said it Oliverwent "wait i thought we were friends?" and Robbie gotreally happy about that, so now they have a closefriendship/brotherly bond. Robbie calls the Googles collectively Googor Googly, Red and Blue just that, Green Gree or G'ee, and OliverOli.

Bonus for relationships I don't have worked out but love Robbie'snames for: Angus is Ann, Jameson is Jame' or Pal (bc Shawn callsJameson "pal" a lot and Robbie has come to associate itwith him), Dr Iplier is Iiiiipp and Robin is Ro or Robbrr'n.

#robbie the zombie #headcanons #kata's chatter #i don't think i'm gonna tag the rest rn bc there's a lot #maybe this is why ppl don't like me huh #bc i talk way too much #i love robbie he's precious #Anonymous

[write-my-dreams]

JayTim Day 1: Carnival

Author: write-my-dreams

Pairing: JayTim

Rating: PG

Warnings: None

Summary: Jason takes Tim (along with Dick and Damian) to a carnival in Metropolis.

Read at Ao3

Tim didn’t care that he was seventeen. He could seriously use a drink right now, painkillers be damned. The last few days had been hell. Absolute hell. He’d broken his arm going up against some of Scarecrow’s thugs. Bruce had benched him until he healed, refusing to take no for an answer. Cassie and Kon also refused to let him work with the Titans until he was back to full health. Balancing Wayne Enterprises, his relationship with Jason, spending time with friends, and patrolling as Red Robin had kept Tim’s life beyond busy. Now that he couldn’t be Red Robin he felt restless. Bored. Like the walls were starting to close in on him. 

He glanced up from his computer when Jason came through the door. “Timmy! On the computer again I see. Put it away. We’re going out.” 

Tim glanced at his screen. He’d just been going over the presentation he was giving tomorrow. “Okay. Where?” He put his laptop on sleep mode and set it aside. Jason was doing his best to keep him entertained while he healed.

“Metropolis,” Jason replied. “There’s a summer carnival in town for the week. Dick found out about it and said we should all go. I said I could stop by his apartment to pick him and the demon spawn up if you’re interested in going.” 

Tim blinked. He hadn’t expected Jason to suggest a ‘family bonding’ activity. It’d be nice to see Dick again even though Damian would be involved. “Okay. Give me a minute to get my things then I’m ready.” The alternative was nitpicking the presentation or finding something else to amuse himself. He had been thinking of planting a virus into Ra’s al Ghul’s security network…

Damian approached the colorful gates with trepidation while Dick bounced on his toes. Tim and Jason exchanged amused looks. Damian usually acted like the bored parent being dragged along by his eager child whenever he was out with Dick. 

“Poor little baby bat looks like he’s being tortured,” Jason muttered to Tim.

Damian stopped to glare at him. “I am not a baby, Todd. Cease calling me such an absurd pet name.” 

“Fine, demon spawn.” He laughed and took Tim’s good hand. “Tim and I are going to the games to win Cass the biggest teddy bear we can find. You two have fun. Keep an eye on Dick and don’t let him get kidnapped.” Jason ruffled Damian’s hair with his free hand for the sole purpose of irritating him. Tim ignored the angry snarl as they walked away. It’d been a long time since he’d last been to a carnival as a guest. There just wasn’t time in his life. “What’s going on in that big brain of yours?”

Tim squeezed Jason’s hand. “Not much. I’m just trying to remember the last time I went to a circus or a carnival. I know Dick and I went the last time Haly’s Circus came to Gotham, what, three years ago? You know how Gotham doesn’t really attract fun.” Too much chaos in the city and too many costumed freaks. 

Jason cocked his head. “Roy and I took Kori to a few carnivals last year.”

“What’d she think?”

“She loved it, though she almost made herself sick with cotton candy and elephant ears at the first one. It was fun though. We went on every ride and I think played every game. We won a lot of prizes. So many I could barely fit them all into the car.” 

Tim smiled as he visualized it. He stopped as he noticed the rack of prizes behind the ring toss. Given their location, there were plenty of Superman prizes. Shirts, plushies of varying sizes, even a few body pillows. “I’m going to win Kon a Superman plushie.” 

Jason snorted. “Go for it.” He took a closer look at the prizes. “You should win him the body pillow. Or give it to Bruce. The looks on either of their faces would be priceless.” He pulled out his wallet, grinning as they stepped into the line. 

Tim rolled his eyes. “Selina won’t be thrilled if she comes by and finds him in bed with a Superman body pillow. Besides, we both know that Dick would steal it. He’ll probably ask Damian to win one for him so he has an excuse to cuddle him.” Somehow he’d have to hide the pillow from Dick so he couldn’t take it for himself. 

When it was their turn, Jason paid for Tim’s three tries. The carnie gave Tim’s sling a skeptical look as he handed over the rings. Clearly he thought there was no chance Tim would manage to toss a single ring over the bottles. Completing a ring toss would be no difficulty for him at all. Something Tim demonstrated, to the surprise of the carnie and the line behind them. “I’ll take the body pillow,” Tim said with a grin. “My friend just loves Superman.” He tucked the pillow under his arm. He was meeting Bart and Kon tomorrow so he’d surprise Kon with his very own Superman body pillow. Tim made a mental note to message Bart to record the whole thing. 

“He’s going to be so confused.” 

“It’ll be great. Oh, look over there.” Tim pointed at two different stands. One involved knocking over bottles with a ball and the other was a shooting game. Each offered massive teddy bears as prizes. “Steph will love that big purple one.” He imagined Cass would be just as confused as Kon, but she would appreciate the gesture. Jason held Kon’s pillow while Tim did the ball toss to win Steph’s teddy bear. Tim could just barely fit both under his good arm as he watched Jason take out each target to get Cass her prize. “Let’s stop at the car and drop these off. I won’t be able to eat any cotton candy like this.”

“Or elephant ears.” Jason carried the bears so Tim could manage the pillow. “Wonder what Dick and the demon spawn are up to right now?”

“Probably going on rides.” Tim glanced up at the Ferris wheel. He wouldn’t mind going on a few himself. He would happily avoid the funhouse or any of the cheesy ‘House of Horrors’ attractions. He adjusted his grip on the pillow when they reached the car. “Looks like Dick and Damian did the same thing we did.” There was an oversized cat plushie in the trunk along with a big pillow bearing the Superman logo. Tim shook his head as he set the pillow next to it. As if Dick didn’t already have his own supply of Superman shirts. And underwear. Quickly he banished the thought of his brother in underwear out of his mind. 

The bears just barely fit in the trunk. Jason shut it then locked the car again. “What do you want to do next? Ferris wheel?”

“Not quite. We’re at a carnival, which means we need to eat some cotton candy and greasy fair food."

Jason grinned as he took Tim’s hand. “I like the sound of that. Are we going on any rides or are we going to be too busy eating carnival food?” 

“Why don’t you pick? I’ll buy us a bag of cotton candy then we’ll ride on the Ferris wheel. What’s next is up to you.” 

“Twister,” Jason said promptly. “We’ll have to get an elephant ear at some point too.” 

Tim nodded. “Sure.” 

About an hour later, they’d been on most of the rides they were interested in and demolished a bag of cotton candy, a deep fried candy bar apiece, and were now working on an elephant ear. Tim watched Jason scan the carnival as he chewed a piece of the fried bread. A steady relationship had done wonders to ease Jason’s anger. He and Bruce still had their issues, but Tim hoped that would eventually change. Especially if Bruce could see this version of Jason. Eyes bright, having fun, chatting away between bites of the enormous cinnamon elephant ear they’d bought to share only for Jason to eat most of it. Seeing Jason so happy made Tim’s heart swell with love. He didn’t care about their rough history. What they had now was all that mattered. 

“Tim?” Insecurity crossed Jason’s face. He dropped the piece of bread back into the basket. “You’re staring at me.” 

Tim leaned in to kiss some of the cinnamon away from Jason’s mouth. “Because I love you. And you’re hot when you’re smiling and excited.” He kissed Jason again, this time just because. “We should do things like this more often.”

Jason drew him closer. “Yeah? My workaholic can be pried away from his computer and his case notes without violent protests?”

Tim rolled his eyes. “Yes. If it’s to spend time with you.” He grinned as a blush replaced the insecurity. “Want to go ride the Ferris wheel again and make out in the car?”

“I should make out with you by the cotton candy seller. She was checking you out. So was the fortune teller.”

Tim snagged a piece of the elephant ear. “Better them than some creepy old man.” He didn’t mention who crossed his mind. Jason’s scowl made it clear they shared the same thought: Ra’s al Ghul. Tim took another piece and changed the subject. “Since we’re eating so much unhealthy food we’re going to have to work out tonight. You especially. I’d hate to see your butt get fat.” He smirked at his boyfriend. 

“Or your thighs.” Jason gave Tim a wicked grin. “Sex after we drop off Dick and Damian?”

Tim stepped closer. The carnival faded into background noise around them as he leaned into Jason’s space. “I can think of a good way to work off some of these calories. Like I said, you better work hard.”

Jason’s eyes darkened. “Is that a challenge, Timmy?”

“It is.” Tim pushed up on tiptoe to kiss him. “Don’t disappoint me.”

“You know I won’t.” 

#jaytim #jaytimweek #jaytimweek2017 #jason todd #tim drake #my writing

[regrettablewritings]

Dating Bruce Wayne Would Include (Pt. II)

Because apparently more people love Bat Daddy than they’re willing to admit

Dates – or rather, the process of planning them – are a little weird for the two of you

Despite him being wealthy and having had a reputation as a philanderer, Bruce is still a very devoted businessman with an entire enterprise to run. This may or may not clash with your own schedule, depending on what you do, but it is more likely Bruce’s schedule that needs the most consideration when plotting out a date

Then, of course, there’s your lover’s obvious nighttime job. It’s not even necessarily that he can’t take the night off; it’s just that those nights are few and far in between. Though now that he’s getting older and has a significant other to appreciate in his life, he does attempt to make more of an effort to take at several nights or so per month off.

This may not seem like much, but considering what he does…

Most dates are what you’d expect: trips to the opera, dinners at fancy, high-end restaurants, museums, walks in the nicer parts of town such as the botanical garden

Others, not so much: You may be craving some fast food so you two wind up at a Big Belly Burger or just a coffee date at Jitter’s. You’ve even convinced him to take a couple’s art class with you a couple of times

He’s quite proud of the vase you made and the portrait of you he made. Both are placed tastefully in the living room on the mantel

He’s always sure to keep some percentage of himself on edge, however, as he doesn’t want to let his guard down only for you to get hurt or worse

You understand this, even though you wish he had the luxury of being completely, 100% chill

Despite clearly being one of the world’s most patient s/os (you’d have to be if you’re dating a vigilante), fights are still going to happen. There’s just no way around it.

It’s a common, natural part of relationships so long as they’re done within reason. Even in a relationship where one of you dresses like a demonic bat and beats up baddies until the candy comes out

The subjects, however, can obviously vary

Sometimes it’s over normal, everyday couple stuff like canceled dates, forgotten events, showing up late to important things, the occasional lack of communication, and so on

Other days, it’s over stuff that only couples composed of a normal person and their superhero s/o could experience like way-too-close calls, arriving home looking like Death escorted them back out of pity, becoming too ambitious and losing sight or even themselves, debates over conflicting morals …

One time, you really hurt Bruce on accident

You’d made it so clear that you didn’t approve of his new use of Bat Brands

“It’s just going a little too far, Bruce – it’s inhumane!”

Of course, he didn’t listen and it resulted in an argument when you accused him of being more animal than man and that wasn’t going to help anyone because he was just making things worse

Considering that one of his deepest fears is that this is all for nothing and he was losing himself as a result, he didn’t take it well. He went out patrolling without a word and didn’t arrive until 10 AM – way later than when he usually returns

You tried apologizing to him but he just kept quiet and broody

You suspect Alfred scolded at him for not giving his beloved a chance to redeem themselves because hours later he stopped leaving the room every time you entered it, allowing for you to apologize

You two had a discussion about it and decided to discuss the future of Bat Brands

Bruce, however, can accidentally be more biting and ruthless

He doesn’t mean to be, he’s just so used to coming off as imposing that it accidentally slips through. That doesn’t excuse his actions, though, it only explains them.

He especially got like this when he tried to get that you need to be more careful or stop being so trusting of figures like Superman

One such example was when you tried playing devil’s advocate for the last Kryptonian, a move you should’ve known was risky as hell considering how much destruction he’d caused, including to Bruce’s associates. But your sense of compassion couldn’t allow you to immediately determine that he was necessarily evil

This prompted Bruce, in growing anger, to tell you to wise up before you got yourself killed. Your “lovey dovey” nature didn’t apply to the real world and if there was a chance that Superman would kill anyone, he’d take it and you needed to pick which side you were on

You weren’t sure which suggestion you were most hurt about (that you weren’t dedicated to him, that you were being stupid), but cringed at the way he said “lovey dovey.” You couldn’t help but tear up because it felt like you were being kicked for something Bruce had previously praised about you

You gave the silent treatment for a week after that and spent the next few nights at your old apartment. If your “lovey dovey” nature was inapplicable, why waste your time?

Bruce obviously felt awful about it, but also felt a little too prideful to apologize. But then Alfred threatened to break his neck and forced the two of you to sit down and talk it out

Bruce had to apologize to you for a month both in words, items, and actions

He then owes you money after you both meet Supes and learn that he’s not a bad guy

You guys also get into arguments over how overprotective he can be and how it sometimes clouds his judgement, but those are usually settled a lot easier

You honestly didn’t move in to his place too quickly. A lot of people found it odd, considering how common it was for couples to move in together nowadays. Besides, it wasn’t as if you’d ever want for anything by moving in with the richest man in the city

But you had your reasons

Mainly that you enjoyed where your own apartment was: Near enough to civilization, which had coffee shops and bookstores and markets

Seriously, Bruce lives so out of city limits that spending the night at his place can require careful planning (and a constant refusal to watch scary movies)

It probably doesn’t even occur to you that you’ve 96% moved into his place until you’ve just taken a shower and casually gone through the dresser to find your favorite blouse. When you find it, it hits you that you’ve pretty much made a home away from home with him

But you keep your place because sometimes, Bruce just wants to get away from his place and just envelope himself in yours

Alfred makes you a few defense devices, both per Bruce’s request and per your own. The difference is that Bruce’s tend to be more like juiced up brass knuckles and advanced versions of stun guns, things meant to hold attackers at bay so you can escape them and get to safety. Your requests, however, have every intent on keeping them immobilized and begin to resemble Bruce’s own devices with a “(Y/N) charm” to them

Bruce tells Alfred to stop taking your requests because he doesn’t want you getting more involved than you already are so long as he can help it

Alfred doesn’t listen anyway

Speaking of Alfred, he adores you and sees you as the daughter he’d never had. Or, in this case, the daughter-in-law he’s snarked at Bruce to give him for literal decades

You two enjoy making snarky remarks both about and at Bruce, based on his actions and thoughts

Alfred also makes the two of you snacks while you’re waiting up for Bruce to return. He may not stay up as late as you do, being so used to Bruce’s nighttime antics. But if you fall asleep on the couch, Alfred will put a blanket over you

You get to touch the Bat Boobs™

Bruce is less than amused when he comes back up from working out and you begin to grope his pecs.

He stares blankly ahead, unsure of what to feel, when you jokingly complain about his boobs being bigger than yours

If you can’t sleep, there are multiple methods at your disposal

If the ASMR videos or white noise machines don’t work, and you don’t want to wake anyone up by sneaking into the kitchen, you may wind up pacing –

Which, if he was asleep already, may wake Bruce up because he no longer feels you next to/on top of him

Since you couldn’t fall asleep by just being held in the first place, Bruce decides on another method: Working out

After you threaten to destroy him for even joking about that nightmare routine, he settles on another method: Taking a drive

He sticks to driving around areas he knows are notably safer but still quiet

Having a family is a rather…touchy subject.

He’s still obviously very effected by the death of his parents, and this has led to an extremely ambitious level of protectiveness. He likes to joke that you’re enough of a handful

And considering what happened to his Robin …

This isn’t going to stop Alfred from lightly pushing the subject, however, which eventually causes you to occasionally bring it up

This is a subject for another time, Bruce insists

Though he’d be lying if he claimed that he never once thought about what a combination of you and himself would look like

He imagines they’d have his eyes, your hair, his athleticism and hunger for knowledge and your determination, interpersonal skills, and overall glowing personality – basically, the perfect Wayne who would never want for anything because they’ll get far in life with just their personality alone

Bruce prays you never ask him what he thinks your child would be like because he’d be too tempted to let this spill

For all the curly-haired sisters out there: You know Bruce has your back with all those costly hair products.

He’s less than impressed with the prices, not because he has to spend it all, but because it shouldn’t cost $16 for a tiny container of Kinky Curly or $300 for a keratin treatment that’ll help straighten your hair, should you desire so

Bruce also don’t play that Pink Tax shit

“They’re just razors. They don’t even cut like mine do – and I have facial hair–… I’m just buying you my brand, the only difference is that mine actually works.”

“… Why do sanitary products cost this much?” “Because patriarchy.” “It’s not a luxury, though. So what the hell?”

Still needs your instructions when he’s on his own getting pads for you – even if he’s shopping for an economy order online. But my god, does he try

Speaking of which, during that time of the month, Bruce is highkey lowkey panicky

Not because you’re bleeding from an intimate area, but because blood is unpredictable and can be hard to get out of silk sheets

Lightly tries to convince you to relocate to the couch, where he’s set up a comfort corner for you: blankets, heating pads, tea, chocolate, salty snacks, tissues, ibuprofen, and movies you enjoy as well as ones that make you tired so you can rest with background noise

Of course, you have to lay on a towel. Better safe than sorry

Nicking one of Bruce’s older capes and trying to mimic his dark and brooding actions and demeanor

He thinks it’s cute that you try to perch on the arms of the sofa or the edge of the bed

He thinks it’s less cute when you scare the crap out of him when he walks into the bathroom to find your perched on the bathroom counter just waiting for him

He’s torn between finding it cute and un-cute when you try to make your voice gravely and talk like him

“I am the night, the terror that stalks you down the alleyways your morality dwells in.” “Babe, I don’t talk like that.” “Yes, I do.” “When did I become a (insert-your-height) cape-swiper who still trips on it when they run down the halls with it?” “… Harsh.”

He thinks it’s just plain adorable when you attempt to dive-bomb him with the cape on so he can catch you. He’d never admit it, though, because he plays it off as an annoyance

He doesn’t have to admit it, though; you can tell by the look in his eyes

Obligatory “easy nights”

These aren’t necessarily dates unless you count spending the nights where he isn’t patrolling cuddled up and just enjoying each other’s company dates

You don’t even really play music of watch a movie or anything most of the time – it’s literally just you two holding each other and listening to one another’s heartbeats

Because the sad thing is, you don’t always know when it’s going to be the last time either of you hears the other’s

Of course, nobody wants to spend such an intimate and meaningful moment being broody so when you’re not basking in silence, you’re talking

There’s often times no rhyme or reason to your conversations, they could literally be about anything: How your days were, Wayne stocks, that one bitchy coworker of yours whom Bruce offers to spook (if you say no, he says he could just show up at your workplace in his civilian clothes and make them nervous by his mere, handsome presence).

Sometimes they’re jokes, other times they’re memories. And other times, they’re just philosophical views on the concept of life and free will, or what love is

And, as the night wears on and you get more and more tired, just plain delirious subjects like how Japan has mascots for nearly everything and how you think that, as Gotham’s prince, Bruce should apply the same to the city

“Wayne Tower can be a goat mountain-climber – because you’re always climbing to new heights!” “I’m surprised you didn’t say a bat. And soaring to new heights.” “ … Awww, blubber nuggets.” “ ‘Blubber nuggets’?” “Don’t patronize me, Brucifer.”

It’s usually at this point that Bruce insists it’s time to officially turn in for the night. You, however, object to this because you want to spend more time talking and cuddling – you already don’t get as much of this as you’d like

Ten minutes later (or even mid-sentence), you’re out like a light. Being in Bruce’s arms makes you feel so safe and warm and loved that you can’t help but melt into them and fall into the most assuring sign of trust there is: sleep

Chances are, Bruce won’t get up immediately because he doesn’t want to disturb you just yet. And because he likes to take these opportunities to just look at you

He shouldn’t have someone like you, he knows that. He’s done too many things that should’ve forbade him from ever landing any kind of long-term romance, especially with someone like you

But here you are, physically there and not just as a figment of his imagination, so far in that you’d even fall asleep in his embrace

Bruce has never been a truly religious man. But it’s moments like this that he can’t help but thank whichever deity is out there for giving him this one last chance at happiness 

The next morning, like clockwork, Alfred comes down to make breakfast and finds Master Bruce asleep on the couch, cradling, as if you were a precious Faberge egg. He decides against making a ruckus and retreats back to his room for a cup of coffee

Bruce doesn’t get many opportunities to feel this safe and vulnerable; he needs this more than he’ll ever admit to anyone

#i think i either went too goofy with this one or too serious #oh well #i tried #bruce wayne x reader #bruce wayne imagine #batman v superman imagine #would include #batman v superman imagines #i hope this turned out alright #batman x reader #regrettablewritings #dceu imagine #dc imagine

[buckykingofmemes]

ice cream man answers

(you guys sent in so many asks im posting all my answers to the ones you asked at once, so i dont take up your whole dashboard.)

chocolate marshmallow: favorite brands of candy? not sure about brands, but i tried pop rocks and they changed everything i knew about reality and what food is

peach: how do you relax? sometimes i fight nazis. thats a nice way to vent steam. petting dogs or cats or birds or literally any other animal is a winner every time. making food is a good because its constructive and at the end i get food. sometimes steve and i go running. but not early in the morning because mornings are terrible.

coffee: favorite cosmetic brands? i dont wear much makeup but pepper breaks out some sephora stuff when we have to go on tv? i like OPI nail polish.

birthday cake: favorite books? i recently read and loved the harry potter books. im a hufflepuff, just so you know.  (Mod Hell loves the Dresden Files, pretty much everything by David Webber or Robin McKinley or Tamora Pierce)

french vanilla: how old are you? buddy, i dont fuckin know anymore. a little under 100, by the books, but how the heck am i supposed to count the cryofreze?

(Mod Hell: I regularly forget my own age, but I’m pretty sure I’m 24)

fudge: turn offs? nazis. really not into nazis. 

chocolate: when was your first kiss? i was…7, probably. grade school sometime. me and stevie saved this girl mary from a real jerk of a bully and she kissed both of us, one right after the other. sent stevie straight into an asthma attack, poor kid. but she was both of our first kisses.

neapolitan: things that stress you out? public speaking. steve inside any aircraft. trains. not having any weaponry. bad hair days.

bubblegum: books or movies? totally depends om my mood. movies, maybe, because they can be more of a group activity, but dont require a ton of social interaction.and the novelty of being able to watch films in your own home hasnt quite worn off.  but i do like to read a lot.

toasted coconut: the beach or the pool? my beach experiences involve either a lot of 1. storming +fighting nazis or 2. sand in my cool robot arm,  which is not fun. so pools. even though im not buoyant enough to float anymore so i wear swim fins on my left arm.

mint chocolate chip: indoors or outdoors? outdoors, when the weather is right.

moose tracks: favorites for manga? orange sherbet: favorites for anime? i read fullmetal alchemist.and then watched the anime. all of it. it was really good, although i feel like clint only showed it to me because of the robot arm thing. its the only manga or anime ive experienced so far, but i really liked it!

blueberry lemon: favorite blogs? i love @iguanamouth‘s crazy animals, and i follow a couple knitting blogs, as well as @dailybadjokes, just so i have some really terrible puns to use when nat breaks out her dad jokes.

superman: do you like sweaters? do i like sweaters. friend, i live in sweaters. i haveta knit em special though so they dont have a left sleeve because otherwise the plates in my arm catch on the knit.

blackberry: have you ever laughed so hard you cried? yes. the first time steve tried out the vibranium shield he missed the rebound and hit himself in the head with the flat side. he flew a good six feet through the air, knocked himself clean out. it was beautiful. i was crying. howard fell over, he was laughing so hard.

cherry: do you drink tea or coffee? yes. it is how i am alive. 

raspberry truffle: favorite kind of music? i have a hard time with this one because im still learning so much about modern music. me and thor like listening to heavy metal, and i like tonys classic rock n’ roll, but im also really fond of the music of the 30s and 40s, the stuff i grew up with. 

praline: a popular book you haven’t read yet? i havent gotten to game of thrones yet. people keep telling me such and such a character is gonna die, but im not sure how they can have that many dead characters and still have enough people for a book.

(Mod Hell has not, and never will, read Fifty Shades of Grey)

toffee: a card game that you’re good at? so far, all of them. but rummy is my game, friends. i will kick anyones ass at rummy.

(Mod Hell has an inexplicable affinity for Up the River/Down the River. And Irish Poker, if you wanna count that as a card game)

mango: when and why did you start your blog? my therapist recommended i write about things that were happening in my life, and mentioned that blogging was a good way to do so. i dont think this was quite what she had in mind, but here we all are, so... anyways, this blog was started on october 10th, 2016.

rocky road: favorite songs at the moment? can i count the entire discography of pink floyd? tony recently introduced me to them and they’re pretty great.

(Mod Hell has been enjoying Down Like Silver’s Wolves, because my taste in music is very very morbid)

butter pecan: favorite songs for life? this is a hard one. lately i have been enjoying fleurie’s ‘soldier’ because im a cliche sonovabitch 

strawberry: a language you wish you could speak?

dog. do dogs talk? not sure but if they do i want in.

butterscotch: what color are your nails right now? uhh... silver on the left, none on the right? except for my right pinkie, which is black because thor accidentally set his hammer down on my fingertip. so theres a blood blister there. gross. but they were red last week. me an nat had a nail night. 

(Mod Hell is rocking a matte black and gold french manicure. I’m getting good at those!)

mint: the most embarrassing thing you’ve ever done?one time me an the howlies were having a night on the town and i drunkenly forgot steve was huge and i tried to pick him up (i mean literally lift him. i wasnt hitting on steve) because i thought he was still tiny.  i failed. steve did not budge at all.  and in the process of trying to regain my balance i overcompensated and fell into the thames. which wouldnt have been so bad if all the howlies and the girls we were with hadnt been right there laughing at me. its probably not the most embarrassing thing ive ever done but its the first that comes to mind.

 (Mod Hell accidentally flashed a lifeguard once, so quickly I was never sure if he actually saw or not. Still super embarrassing.)

green tea: favorite flavors of ice cream? yes. all of them. now, please.

(Mod Hell:  chocolate chip: what’s your most popular post?  If you’re counting this blog, the “new years resolution: 1080p” post got picked up by a couple bigger blogs and is the frontrunner at 21,000+ notes. Original posts at hellenhighwater usually fade out at like 20 notes. So there’s a bit of a gap there.

Mod Hell: black raspberry: do you have any pets? Oh man yeah. I have two cats, Nimitz and Yamamoto. Nim is small and black and puffy and made primarily of homicidal urges. She is the Terror of the Underbrush; the Reaper and Eater of Souls. Yamamoto is 23 pounds of superbly useless cat. Her favorite activity is slowly petting the stair banister post with her paw. I also have a mated pair of domestic Violet Ringneck doves named Vexation and Vendetta who live in my bedroom, though I’ll be building them an outdoor coop to vacation to in the summer. Vex and Ven are the most wonderful idiots. They live life like it’s a spanish soap opera. Everything is very dramatic and seductive and not in a language I understand.)

#brain freeze is my middle name #long post #ask meme #man you guys asked a lot! go you! #bucky barnes #bucky king of memes #Tales from the Tower #If you wanna see Vex and Ven #i will probably be posting a Fancy Bath Day video over at hellenhighwater later

[uterusclub]

What better way to kick off the month of May then with fresh, awesome tattoos! I mean, we made it just about 2 months since our last ones so we were clearly, well overdue! And as always, we booked our appointments with the most talented and awesome, Jackie at Stained in Pain! Designs? Sharon opted for a Sailor Moon wand (nerd!) and I acquired yet another animal (bunny) on my ‘spirit animal’ forearm. While we waited in much restless anticipation, we played a ‘which one would you get’ game with the tattoo panels on display. “You have to pick one” Sharon said as she turned panel after panel and we met with much horror and often, disgust! Once Sharon was up, I hung out in the threshold lobby and quickly became friends with some older, Latina ladies. The one woman was getting her noise pierced and had been considering getting a tattoo for quite some time so she pelted me with just about every possible question involving tattoos which I hardly minded – especially since she was most complimentary about mine. After Sharon finished up, we got started on mine at which point, I was lulled into a complete state of calm. Probably could have taken a nap had I not been starving. Tattoos complete, we thanked Jackie and made our way a few blocks around the corner to BATL Chicago for some free axe-throwing.

Yes, you read that correct. And actually, we had been meaning to try this out for quite some time but the scheduling just never panned out. This time, all was perfect – even if we anticipated staying for just a few moments to get some good videos and pictures. The place wasn’t crazy crowded when we arrived but there were definitely clusters of people hanging out at picnic tables situated behind the axe-throwing stalls. We proceeded to the front counter and ‘registered’ ourselves before acquiring wrist bans and being directed into a stall. So there we stood, bandaged like potential drug addicts with no idea as to how any of this worked. Some very nice people chilling in our line explained that everyone rotated turns. They even pointed us out to the instructor for our section who told us to ‘listen in’ as he explained procedures and rules to another couple throwing before us. Seemed fairly easy. Throw the thing and like, hit the thing. Once we stepped up for our turn though, self-pressure was ON! I managed to hit either way too high or far too low. Sharon was merely trying to stick something ON the actual board. At some point, Sharon got a hit and I ended up on a bullseye that was conveniently not captured but I promise you it was legit. And on both of those notes, we were satisfied to end our night of merriment and unbandage ourselves at the home front.

  Our adventures this month have not only brought us physical endeavors but musical ones as well. For the past few months and out of disdain for my ‘usual’ programmed stations, I’ve been listening to a college radio station, 88.7. As a result, I’ve come across many awesome bands and singer/song-writers one of which, Sharon also became invested. After completely falling in love with the soft, buttery sound of Bruno Major, there was no hesitation in purchasing tickets to see him perform at Lincoln Hall. We pregamed the evening with dinner at Red Lion Pub because, well, it’s allegedly haunted and literally down the street from the music venue. We were seated in a quiet, fireplaced room with a tall ceiling and vintage decor which was all ours for a few minutes. Food was absolutely stellar. To kill time, we made our way to Sprinkles Cupcakes down the street which I wasn’t impressed with (not enough sugar in the frosting) but Sharon was a huge fan of. Having killed as much time as possible, we finally headed to Lincoln Hall where we grabbed a couple drinks and made our way to the upstairs balcony to perfect viewing. Ah, balconies and sitting – two of our most beloved and logistical preferences for concerts. The opener for Bruno Major was a young girl by the name of ‘Eloise‘ we would later see performing with our headliner. She was, magical! Her voice was mesmerizing and we were both blown away. Unfortunately, the asshats sitting next to Sharon weren’t of the same persuasion as they began talking and messing around with their phones for the duration of the entire time we were there. Fucking RUDE! But moving along. Once Bruno Major took stage, I couldn’t help but feel a little under- whelmed. His voice was well, from what I could tell, just as stellar as the radio but it was drowned out by the instruments surrounding him. He also wasn’t as charismatic on stage as his predecessor. But he did perform two of my ‘favorites’ of which I couldn’t have been more please.

May could not be complete without a celebration of Cinco de Mayo or rather, Cinco de Meow Meow as we call it. And this, was like no other you will EVER hear of. It is a tale of danger, violence, courage and above all things, ridiculousness. We had previously discussed the idea of making a Uterus pinata to commemorate Cinco De Meow Meow for quite some time. Why? Well, why not? That’s the short answer. The long one, we’ll leave to your imagination. In any case, with my hectic schedule and Sharon’s abundant, craft activities, it didn’t appear likely we would have time to make said pinata. Instead, I rallied to purchase one online which DO exist, mind you, but they’re fairly expensive – at least the shipping was. So I did what any resourceful individual would do and turned to the sideshow that is Facebook Marketplace. If you’re unaware, you can basically buy anything online from anyone. People sell home-made food and hair-braiding so it wasn’t unheard of to attempt to purchase a Uterus pinata there. Added entertainment? The lady I contacted only spoke/wrote in Español. And although I’ve had an embarrassing amount of escuela throughout high school and college, I turned to trusty Google Translate to help pave the way! So we went back and forth. She wasn’t charging me much but she was located in an area I’d consider the ‘ghetto.’ So who was to be sure we wouldn’t be murdered upon arrival? But obviously, this was going to still happen. The morning of, Sharon was surprisingly calm about driving us into the ‘hood’ of the southside. Apparently she was semi-familiar with the area. I was having literal heart palpitations. We arrived at our destination and a man came outside to meet me with a ginormous Uterus pinata! I joked that I hadn’t expected it to be so big and felt almost bad we weren’t being charged more. Throwing it in the backseat, we made a quick stop-off to my parent’s house to borrow some old bats and rope and grabbed some red, dollar-store candy to store inside our masterpiece. Once home, we changed into our ‘get-ups’ ie. Mariachi t-shirts, hats, and mustaches and carried the pinata with our bats across the street to Wilson Park. I wanted to hang the pinata up in a nearby tree with kids in the background for irony sake but Sharon’s embarrassment forced us to walk farther into the park towards a more deserted area. Once we settled on a spot, I rigged a pulley system (which surprisingly worked – mostly) and we set up our camera for much anticipated violence. Passer-byers gawked but I could care less. Sharon felt the need to attempt explanation which, well, was futile. Destroying that Uterus didn’t take much. It was hilarious and very therapeutic and in all truth, I’d love to begin and end each and everyday that way. After cleaning up the remnants of victory, we made our way back home and made food and drinks while taking in some most appropriate, Three Amigos.

Remember 2006? Yes, I agree, very vaguely but I DO recall the birth of a band called Hellogoodbye. Yes, I bought that album with all the smash hits and never thought of them again . . . until the here and now when I realized they were touring at The Chop Shop. Being most intrigued and expecting nothing short of throw-back central, I Spotified the crap out of what I discovered to be newer albums of theirs? Obviously I had lost track of them but was pleasantly surprised and awed in the sound transformation. They definitely didn’t sound like 2006 anymore but it felt as though they had ‘matured’ in the same sense that I had. It was more mellow and a bit, more complex, dare I say? In any case, I sent my new ‘favorites’ of theirs to Sharon for a once-over who was equally awed and impressed. This was going to ROCK! If you’re unfamiliar, Chop Shop is a fairly intimate venue situated inside a butcher store/restaurant in Wicker Park. We took this opportunity to blue line it for the purposes of hitting up the Robin Williams Mural located randomly in Logan Square. Were it not for the obstructive vehicles in the parking lot, the sight, I’m sure would have been even more magnanimous. The blue pop of genie carries a sad, yet empowering truth and conviction to it – if you ask me. I donned my L.E.D. shoes for the occasion which I switched to color-coordinate for the evening. For pre-game, we hiked it over to Sharon’s most beloved, Big & Littles which always makes me think of Role Models. The joint was deliciously empty and the food, most appetizing. Stomachs full, we back-tracked to the Chop House where we, you guessed it, headed straight upstairs to the balcony area but were met with no seats. Doh! Instead, we teeter-tottered back and forth from both ends of the room to finagle an ideal viewing area. We finally settled on an off-center position where we grew more and more haggered in stature and morale as the night wore on. Not only was the opening bad terrible, but the in between set-up took an ungodly amount of time. By the time Hellogoodbye appeared, we had neither time, patience, or will to stay much longer. Sharon was ultimately pissed that no ‘older’ songs were played while I basked in listening to two, newer ones I had become most familiar with. And I’ve gotta give credit to the band for the ostentatious set-up with lights and balloons and colorful curtains but all in all, 2006 called far too late.

Now I’m no marathon runner by any means, but sometimes, I can pull off a 19 hour activity extravaganza! It’s a rare occasion but a truly worth-while one. The morning began with a little update to our patio decor. If you’re unaware at this point, we create ‘scenes’ outside our apartment windows in which our ‘old lady skeletons’ are showcased. With the upcoming summer and our trip to Hawaii on the horizon, we felt it appropriate to hula the crap outta everything. And so we coconut-braed and lei-ed our ladies with an attempt at including a life-size, pink, inflatable coffin in the picture but this became far too burdensome for space and picture purposes – although our neighbor across the way heartily agreed with our overambitious endeavors. After running over to my dance studio for a quick rehearsal, I drove back home and picked up Sharon to make our way over to Skokie for some Bunny Yoga. And let’s be honest here, yoga is one of my least favorite things in the world. I respect those who do it, I just don’t understand it. So having said that, we were most obviously there for the bunnies and nothing else. We arrived early (as always) and set up our mats in a smallish room where other people had already began to gather. As the time wore closer to the start of class, the room became almost claustrophobic with bodies. There was no pre-registration which made this free-for-all, just plain dumb! Three bunnies arrived and upon being released, kept mostly to the front part of the room. Eventually, the ladies running the operator, placed them in other areas of the room for a more interactive experience. I was in absolute heaven! The yoga – I vaguely recall – as my only focus was relocating bunnies and their proximity to me. Best yoga class ever! But never again.

The day proceeded with more, fun-filled activities. Our most beloved friend, Tina drove to our apartment at which point, we all made our way to a restaurant by the name of Short Fuse. The joint was super spacious and the wall art was quite the sight! And while the drinks were mostly beer, the food was dece and the service impeccable. Sharon and I salvaged our thirst for the next stop on the agenda – a bar in Schiller Park that had piqued my interested – Sway Bar. I had enjoyed their promotional images and had read many good reviews so it made sense to take a trip out to see it. I can’t say I was impressed – nor was I let-down by actually going there. The place was artsy and chill – major points for Banksey paintings on the walls. They also had a pool table which we took advantage of. Our bartander was outstanding and I felt quite at home hanging out there – people watching many strange individuals inbetween pool shots. At some point, an old school-mate of Tina’s and future acquaintenance of mine appeared. Small world indeed.

But wait, there’s more! After adequate booze consumption, we now headed over to Triton College’s Cernan Earth and Space Center for a Motown Laser Show! That’s right. If you didn’t know about this, you’re welcome. I’ve actually known about this for quite some time but hadn’t been in the longest. Tina was also aware of it’s existence. So we showed up, early again, and ventured into the gift shop to purchase tickets which Sharon got for a crazy, discounted price (pretend to be a student or senior). We then sat and chilled for an hour (felt longer somehow) of explosive shapes coordinated to groovy Motown tunes. People clapped in between (we’re too cool for that) and I may have yelled out ‘Stevie!’ when Superstition kicked on. All in all, it was a decent time. As Sharon put it, I’m sure it would have been more enjoyable on drugs. If that wasn’t enough, our night still wasn’t over.

Fortunately, a second wind kicked in as we made our way over to Native Bar in Logan Square for their 90’s themed Silent Disco. If you’ve never done this, you simply must. The concept is this. You get headphones to switch between three different DJ’s all playing different styled music. Our options? Alternative, pop and hip-hop. The different stations are designated by ‘color’ on your headphones – which is how you decipher who is listening to what. We arrived right at the kick-off hour of 10 p.m. The set-up was actually outside in the backyard area of the bar. We began immediately jamming out right in front of the DJ tables accompanied by lights and fog. For the next three hours, we dance-partied our asses off and I’ve never had more fun! Let me, at this time, remind you that Sharon and I generally go to sleep at 9 p.m. By the time 1 a.m. rolled around and we were met with an alien-voiced announcement over headphones that the event was over, we were very disappointed and could have gone on for hours. Sharon and Tina complained about knee discomfort (there was lots of jumping) but I was in tip-top shape (thanks, dance) and had zero complaints. It wasn’t until the next morning that my head may have had an alcohol-induced complaint or two. But all in all, I’d do it again in a heartbeat.

Going a bit out of order but I’ll clump them together, we hit the movies twice this month. The first show we saw was The Hustle which if you’re unfamiliar, is basically a girl-rendition remake of Dirty Rotten Scoundrels. I’d grown up on this movie and can repeat several scenes by memory so I was super excited when I first saw the trailer. Sharon was unfamiliar with the original movie so we made a point to watch it the night before. When we arrived at the AMC in Norridge to watch it, we noticed slight chaos inside the theater. A younger, hoodlumy fellow was outside and informed us that there had been a fire and everything was shut down. “They aint even got any popcorn!” he also proclaimed which I responded with much incredulous-ness. Still, we had 30 minutes til our show so we figured it was still salvageable. Once inside, we headed to the ticket line which was ever-growing with a frustrated, angry mob for refunds. Behind us in line, we listened to the altercation of two gang-sounding members who threatened to what I can only assume, murder each other, in so many words. Talk about your wholesome activity. The only highlight was seeing our friend, Sue towards the end of line whom we lost track of and didn’t get to actually say ‘hi’ to. In any case, tickets purchased, we watched what I would review as a very fun, accurate portrayal of the original which I would most likely watch/purchase in the near future.

The second, more recent movie we saw this month was Aladdin. And let’s preface this by saying our expectations were low. Very low. Solely based on the previews and the fact that Robin Williams can never been trumped. We even pre-gamed at Park Tavern in Rosemont for some $8 mimosa carafes before the show to guarantee less annoyance/viewing pain but alas, the movie was still fairly dreadful. Granted, this IS a children’s film and all, but as the ‘children’ who grew up on this movie, it paled in comparison in terms of magic and authenticity. Let me also take a moment to discuss the forced ‘girl power’ message attempt that the world of today keeps shoving down our throats. It’s too much, it’s too obvious and it’s too annoying. Due to alcohol intoxication, my bladder needed several breaks during the movie which I was not reluctant to take as I knew I would be missing absolutely nothing.

In closing and only because it’s coming to an end soon, I mentioned attending a dance rehearsal earlier. The whole point of this was, indeed, for rehearsal but more specifically because of our ‘bring a friend to dance‘ week which occurred just last week. This is both fun and nerve-wrecking as we get to finally ‘show’ but we’ve been working on since November and what is to be expected for our recital in a few weeks. The nerves are a results of people sitting fairly close to you – not to mention Sharon sitting in the exact area I dance the most around. I forewarned that I would most likely, almost die after our lyrical piece, ‘Survivor’ which ended up being the favorite of the crowd. Everything else was a blur really.

All in all, the spring or rather, pre-summer has proven to be of much consequence. Music and dance were most substantial. Exciting and disappointing endeavors were had and much was shown for it all. And as we kick-off the summer of 2019 with even higher expectations of future trips, I’ve no doubt, we’ll find some charming nitches in between the cracks and cranies of this life.

Charmed, I’m Sure What better way to kick off the month of May then with fresh, awesome tattoos! I mean, we made it just about 2 months since our last ones so we were clearly, well overdue!

[writingguide003-blog]

Critics assemble: our writers pick their favorite superhero films

New Post has been published on https://writingguideto.com/must-see/critics-assemble-our-writers-pick-their-favorite-superhero-films/

Critics assemble: our writers pick their favorite superhero films

Batman v Superman v Captain America v all of the X-Men. Which cape-wearing, civilian-saving adventures are worth cheering?

Given the repetitive influx of superhero films in recent years, youd be forgiven for wanting very little to do with anything involving a cape, a mask and a post-credits teaser for a long time. But wait, the R-rated Wolverine sequel Logan hits cinemas this week and critics agree that its worth getting over yourself for.

Many are saying it will join the ranks of the all-time greats but what else should be on this list? Here are seven of the best from Guardian writers.

The Incredibles

Photograph: HO/Reuters

Was 2004 the superheroes annus mirabilis? That was when Marvel Studios initiated its ambitious plan to self-finance its movies, buy back the rights to characters such as Iron Man and the Incredible Hulk, and begin the 21st-century wave of superhero films, hugely popular with the public, but often patronised and dismissed the way westerns used to be.

But something else happened in 2004: the release of Pixars glorious animated superhero homage The Incredibles. Thats a film which doesnt fit easily into the superhero fanbase-constituency, and is part of neither the Marvel nor DC tribe (unless you count the fact that Pixar, like Marvel, is part of Disney). And Im conscious that in calling it a homage I may even now be denying it full superhero-film status. But a brilliant superhero film is what it is riffing on the X-Men and Fantastic Four with superb characters, a great supervillain, a terrific story and a sharp satiric theme on the subject of excellence, and the nature of risk, jeopardy and the state.

Mr Incredible (voiced by Craig T Nelson) is a lantern-jawed, barrel-chested superhero who plies his trade in the 1940s, the superheroes postwar first-generation comic book heyday. He is fighting alongside his fiancee, Elastigirl (Holly Hunter). When a member of the public sues him for preventing his suicide, it triggers a legal nightmare forcing the government to outlaw superheroism and to relocate supers to other cities with new identities and bland normality. Twenty years later, he and Elastigirl have suburban lives and he works in insurance a nightmarish perversion of his former calling. They have two kids whose superpowers they have to conceal at school. But then a new villain emerges with a secret connection to the Incredibles past, forcing them to reclaim their vocation and their destiny.

It is rightly celebrated for the superhero costumire, Edna Mode, voiced by the director and writer, Brad Bird, who thinks that capes are a bad idea and is passionately committed to her contemporary vision: I never look back, darling; it distracts from the now. There is a wonderful passage on the phenomenon of supervillains monologuing huge third-act set-piece speeches in which the villains talk about themselves and their awful vision.

Actually, in 2017, the non-talky streamlined all-action superhero film is pretty much against both capes and monologuing and also against Edna Modes injunction against looking back. Superhero films love origin myths, elaborate retro sequences from the past and all-around ancestor worship.

But as it happens, and incredible as it may sound, The Incredibles has a brilliant action sequence, as exciting as anything in any live-action superhero film or action film. Elastigirl and the two kids are flying in their plane to an island from which the errant Mr Incredible has sent a distress signal. Then she is attacked by rockets. The subsequent chase scene and midair explosion are absolutely nail-biting.

It is witty, smart, visually ravishing, and its generic insights are celebratory, not derisive. What a great superhero film. PB

Batman

Photograph: Allstar/Warner Bros/Sportsphoto Ltd/Allstar

I have to be honest: I am not the worlds biggest superhero movie fan. Put another way, when they took off in the late 80s, I thought they were a fad that would blow over in a few years; more fool me. In fact, the elevation to ever-prolonging ubiquity is one of the great mysteries of contemporary cinema: how this genre, that for years was considered only good for doltish teens, and treated with equivalent lack of respect, has steadily evolved into the mainstay of the global film industry. Be that as it may, I prefer the funny, candy-coloured type of superhero movie (Spider-Man, Thor, Deadpool) rather than the furrowed-brow earnestathons (Batman Begins, Captain America, Man of Steel) Ive never seen a superhero movie weighty or nuanced enough to justify the heavy-duty treatment.

But as films as opposed to moving comic-books superhero movies tend to fall down pretty hard. There are great sequences, brilliant set pieces, very nice shots but they rarely hold together, still less allowing actual narrative subtlety to intrude on the scene-shifting. The first and still, by my reckoning, only time that a superhero movie seemed way ahead of everything else was the first Tim Burton Batman, from 1989. A tour de force of design, cinematography, and cinematic texture, it was light years ahead of (the nevertheless highly enjoyable) Superman films that had blazed the superhero trail in the 1970s and 80s. Burtons brilliance was to make everything else look redundant and in many ways, nothing has changed since. AP

Captain America: The Winter Soldier

Photograph: Moviestore/Rex

Heres a conspiracy theory: someone at the Academy purposefully shuffled those envelopes to detract from the much bigger scandal earlier in the evening: the snubbing of Garry Shandling in this years Oscars In Memoriam montage. I hope my choice of the Marvel movie in which he cameos as a sinister Hydra disciple will go some way to righting this wrong.

Shandlings 15-second appearance in this sequel to the first film featuring the weed who becomes the most fantastic hunk is one of my chief reasons for picking it; the other is its literally the only superhero movie I can ever really remember enjoying.

This is obviously a personal deficit, but perhaps it is, actually, a better superhero movie than most? There are terrific action sequences, for a start: that initial heist, fuelled with sexual tension between the Cap and the Black Widow, plus the most wonderful punch-up in a lift. Plus, vegetables to accompany all that meat and beef: a properly thought-provoking investigation of the morals of surveillance and the ethics of vigilantism in a democratically accountable society.

But perhaps what really clinched it for me as an Avengers movie I could get along with was the relative dearth of Robert Downey Jr. The more you can minimise this man, the more I shall like any movie. CS

Thor: The Dark World

Photograph: Allstar/Marvel Studios/Sportsphoto Ltd/Allstar

Many are hailing Logan for stretching the boundaries of what a superhero movie can be. Its dramatic, fervid, and realistic in its violence. But lets not do away with whats core to comics culture: deep, dank nerdery that ought not be allowed to see daylight.

I love comic books rich in lore and steeped in mythos, swirling in and out of realms with names impossible to spell. Thor: The Dark World stuffs two handfuls of delicious dorkiness into its maw, one rich in fantasy, the other in science fiction. Is the Asgardian bio-bed a quantum field generator or a Soul Forge? The answer, of course, is that it is both.

Thor: The Dark World has portals and Kronan Rock Men and invisible spaceships and a ray that can curl you up into a singularity and zap you into another dimension. A liquid totem called the Aether is almost in Malekith the Dark Elfs nefarious grasp, just in time for the quinquennial cosmic event known as the Convergence. Oh, God, I need to stop typing and grab my asthma inhaler, this sort of talk gets me all worked up.

In the middle of all this, theres the bickering romance between the sharp and sweet doctor played by Natalie Portman and her hunky blonde blue-eyed spaceman, Thor. When they reunite during a battle, the first thing she does is yell at him for never calling. When they visit Thors realm, Dr Foster quickly bonds with Thors mother. They may as well be eating intergalactic coffee cake. And there are still some who say mixed marriages cant work?!?

Thor: The Dark World is a rush of Absolute Comics mainlined direct to my amygdala, with a profound purity that few other modern superhero movies allow themselves. It is Worthy. JH

The Dark Knight

Photograph: Allstar/Warner Bros

While Batman Begins was a refreshingly coherent, mature and dark-hued film about the Caped Crusader (a relief after the eye-punishing gaudy excess of Batman & Robin), it was far from a masterpiece.

There was a major villain problem (a somewhat gimmicky last act switcheroo that didnt quite have the required impact) and a major Katie Holmes problem (needs no explanation) and as a result, it was a promising franchise-restarter but not the home run we might have hoped for. Three years later, Christopher Nolan returned, lessons learned and homework done, with a sequel that rose far above its generic peers and, despite the creation of the hero-packed DC and Marvel universes since, it easily remains unsurpassed.

The Dark Knight moves like a fiendish thriller, one that confidently pushes the boundaries of the superhero genre in a way that comic book fans may be familiar with but which for cinema-goers such as myself was a revelation. Its a breathtakingly brutal film, packed with staggering PG-13 violence and a bleak worldview thats unrelenting, grounding fantastical characters and situations in a world that, for once, is depressingly easy to relate to.

That villain problem? Easily fixed. The casting of Heath Ledger in the role of the Joker might have been initially unpopular with fans, who couldnt envision his leading man looks buried under cartoonish makeup, but his performance was dynamite, an Oscar-winning fireball of anger and anarchy. That Katie Holmes problem? Replaced. Maggie Gyllenhaal added depth and a genuine emotional connection which led to the shocking finale carrying even greater weight. Its one of the rare examples of a superhero film where each devastating act of violence or aggression has a lasting impact. In Nolans Gotham City, life and death both mean something.

It might be to blame for the dreary drudgery thats bogged down many ensuing superhero adventures but it remains a ruthlessly entertaining example of just how daring and necessary the genre can be. BL

Watchmen

Photograph: Clay Enos/Photo by Clay Enos

It may be difficult to credit given Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice recently picked up a gaggle of Razzies, but Zack Snyder was once seen as the coming man of comic book movies. His 2009 adaptation of Alan Moores sprawling graphic novel about an alternative 1980s in which Nixon remains in power and superheroes are real remains a high point of the film-makers career and proof that given a decent script, he is capable of producing eye-popping cinema beyond that of most his contemporaries.

The bravura opening montage, set to the strains of Bob Dylans The Times They Are A Changin, is unequalled in comic book movies. The casting is impeccable: Jackie Earl Haley has never been better than as the hardboiled, morally immovable vigilante Rorschach, a gurning, spitting man out of time whose psychological torment is written on his face whether wearing that famous mask or not. Patrick Wilson is wonderfully understated as the taciturn Nite Owl, a superhero who looks like an accountant with middle-aged spread, while Jeffrey Dean Morgan is perfect as the leering, sneering, cigar-smoking alpha male scumbag the Comedian, a role which surely won him the part of the villain Negan in The Walking Dead.

Naysayers argue that Watchmen is too close to its source material, bar a sensibly altered denouement. But Moores story is so epic in scale and splendid in its unexpectedly detailed rendering of the inner psyches of costumed crimefighters that Snyder was really only required to add visual flare. If there is a Citizen Kane of superhero movies, this is indisputably it. BC

X-Men: Days of Future Past

Photograph: Allstar/20th Century Fox

The best thing about this time traveling entry into the vast annals of X-Men history is the absolute disregard Bryan Singer had for newcomers. If you hadnt been paying attention to his line of mutant entertainment over the last decade or so, youd feel a bit like Kyle Reese being spat out into 1984 with no clothes and no idea what was happening. That slightly manic pace, which feels like its borrowed from a daytime soap opera, plus the period costume and references to Vietnam, Nixon and the height of 70s cold war paranoia made this a strangely daring superhero film.

Instead of something that tried to set out the basic idea of what the X-Men were and what they were all about a concept most grandmothers could probably grasp by now this just got straight into the internal machinations of a group that makes the EU look harmonious. Of course, the old themes of good and evil doing battle, and overcoming personal demons (in this case addiction for Professor X) are there, but it was delivered in a knowingly strange way. You could even argue the hectic feel and funny but slightly smug lines set the stage for the least superhero-y superhero of them all, Deadpool. Singer knew fans were au fait with the concept of time travel, and would love to see Magneto and Professor X as their younger selves, so he threw it all into a blender and Days of Future Past came out like a perfectly mixed bit of superhero bechamel. LB

Read more: http://www.theguardian.com/us

[miniallumgames]

It’s Never Ogre...

Shrek 2: “It’s a real game”

Platform played on: Gamecube

Genre: A Joke

Allum’s Rating: 4/10 for loners, 7/10 for co-op

General Review:

So, this is mad late, even pushing into Mini’s week. This is also extremely long just to warn anyone. Mini’s gonna be pissed. Mini hasn’t seen any of this. If anyone cares enough, thank Mini because they recorded some of our conversations in the notes. Those will be spread out in the review. Oh sorry, I meant long ass shitpost.

It was originally a solo playthrough and as an avid Shrek fan, excitement permeated the air. Nothing was going to stop this hype train for this first review, except the game being clear pretty early on that it was for more than one person. So as the kind soul and partner it’s imperative that Mini was bestowed with [begged] the position as loyal squire in this arduous and rewarding journey of Shrek 2.

So Shrek 2 is basically the movie as a game. The game is unbearable at times and filled with puns. There’s a lot to this game especially in terms of gameplay. It changes its rules often, but in such a way it can be taken as refreshing instead of annoying. It’s far better than most movie/TV show video games and more effort is put into this game than necessary.

There is absolutely no reason for this game to have fully fledged out character models, boss fights, more than 5 world maps, voice acting, and a lot more. It exceeds all expectations that both Mini and I had. This game does have it flaws and an abnormally large difficulty spike. However, that will be evaluated in the main game summary.

The main set-up of the game is a beat-’em up with four characters available at any time. These characters can vary and each with their own unique abilities. The flow of the game is changed per chapter and per level. After a level, sometimes there is a mini-game, announced by the Magic Mirror, “It’s Hero Time” and it is just one player/character playing an entire game by themselves and the game will not continue until it’s completed. Some of these are rather easy and can be completed in one go while others will test your mettle and question your entire life as to why you are playing the same minigame from Shrek 2 for an hour and a half. Every chapter is something new and it can span upon the entire mainstream video game format list. It might not sound interesting now, but listen when I say Grand Theft Auto is involved.

The game’s menu is a storybook and when something is clicked, sometimes there will be a random voice line from either Shrek or Donkey. Imagine going to options and suddenly the thundering voice of Shrek shouting, “OGRE POWER!!!”. Anyway it’s a good presentation of the menu and far better than the usual title screen = menu deal.

[Allum: So menu’s pretty nice *starts exploring and clicking on stuff*

Mini: It’s Shrek, I’m surprised there’s no toilet humor-

Shrek (out of nowhere): OGRE POWER!!!

Mini: Excuse me?]

In the beginning the game starts with our lovely, playable main cast of Shrek, Fiona, Donkey… and the most important one of them all: Gingerbread Man, why is he here so early in the game? He doesn’t make an appearance in the movie until the third act, but now he is available in the first chapter of the game. It’s alright because his purpose of being in the party is to hit random targets placed all over the swamp and distract surprisingly timely alligators with cookies. As for the other characters, Shrek can lift various objects and either throw them or place them in their designated spots. Fiona can apparently slow down time with the use of an hourglass, while Donkey can burrow kick objects into submission.

The story for Chapter 1 is that Fiona and Shrek got an invitation from Fiona’s parents to meet the lucky man who Fiona married. Shrek isn’t going to go without supplying on some eyeballs for the road and the game becomes a beat-’em up/collectable. This is the main format of the game, but it changes itself every so often. Playing the game for the first few moments was pretty fun until characters started getting stuck and locking the camera in an awkward position. The AI is the same as the majority of escort mission AIs, dumb as bricks and likely to die.

Mini played as Donkey while Gingerbread man was mine and for some reason his candy cane is a homing jump attack. The first objective to continue with the game is to collect eyeballs for unsuspecting snails in the swamp. Simple and nothing really remotely interesting, until five minutes later… Robin Hood and his French out-of-the-closet men show up to fight.

[Mini: Is it just a collectathon?

Allum: I fucking hope not. I ain’t a completionist.

*moving to next part and then in game cutscene*

Robin Hood: OH MERRY MEN!

Allum (in stunned disbelief): Mini, please explain to me why Robin Hood is French?

Mini: He isn’t French? Maybe he turned French when Fiona kicked his tights so high up his ass.]

They were surprisingly hard. There were far too many of them and Shrek and Fiona died in the process. Afterwards, it was time for fairy collecting using time-slowing hour glasses and at this point, why didn’t they just leave after getting the eyeballs? Shrek just needed his disgusting trail mix for the onion carriage.

Anyway despite feeling as though much accomplishment has been made, Shrek 2 showed itself as Dark Souls with its map design. It circled back into Shrek’s home and it turned out that Lil’ Red took over the home to make chicken soup. The place was infested with chickens and the goal was to hit the chickens into the pot. Yes, when a chicken is hit, sometimes the chicken will fly halfway throughout the map to its boiling death.

Then our merry band of heroes was then somehow convinced to journey with Lil’ Red to her grandmother’s house. At this point, our merry band of heroes should be almost stupidly late to meet the King and Queen of the kingdom and this is probably why the King hated Shrek so much because he was three days late due to collecting eyeballs, capturing fairies, and hitting chickens.

After arriving to Grandma’s house, the chapter was still not over. It was mini-game ti- sorry, “It’s Hero Time” and this time it’s Fiona’s turn in the spotlight and this one throughout the entire game is the easiest one in the whole game, but no one told us. The goal of this one is to make birds explode with Fiona’s singing. It is basically DDR and with every button Fiona sings until the final button mash where she belted so high that the birds that were trying to keep up explode.

Finally, it was the end… of chapter 1.

[Mini: That was pretty fun. I guess. (referring to Fiona’s mini-game)

Allum: Yeah, the game has a pretty good feel to it. Music is good too.

*After intro to Chapter 2*

Mini: FUcK no. Are you serious?]

As to why Mini freaked a little, Gingerbread Man ditched us for a date and Lil’ Red joined in, but the main reason was that Chapter 2 is a giant escort mission. At this point, it should almost be obvious that Mini was my saving grace in this arduous journey and this was only Chapter 2 out of 11 and it only gets worse.

Yes, the second chapter is escorting the 3 blind mice throughout a horrible forest/graveyard. A witch wants them for one of her spells and turned the horses back into mice and so the gang has to help out. The mice are disturbingly fast and the cheese does almost nothing to distract them from the various death traps waiting for them.

The best way to win was to rush as fast as possible past the mice and the two party members whose abilities are vital to this stage were Donkey and Lil’ Red. Donkey uses his burrow blast to kick old trees and gravestones to use as paths. While Lil’Red can rings bells that open gates with her spin jump and throw apples at mouse traps and rats.

Apple throwing is the most infuriating thing since the apple’s direction is thrown by which direction Lil’ Red happens to be standing and the mouse trap doesn’t go off if the apple doesn’t hit directly on it instead slightly over it. In any case, that was the most troublesome part of the escort mission.

The game also introduces a drunk knight as another enemy and initial thoughts were that he was going to be an easy enemy just more health. Instead he can’t be stunned and can keep using his sword spin move until every character is rolling in their grave wondering how an idiot took them down. The answer to that is because each hit from the knight takes half of the health bar away and the game doesn’t have that wonderful boon of invincibility frames.

Finally in the end of the escort mission, the real villain shows itself, “It’s Hero Time”. It’s the start of something evil. This time it’s Dragon and Donkey’s turn to shine in Hell. Once the mice are escorted safely, Fiona gets into the onion carriage and right before Shrek can get on, the witch casts a spell on the carriage and sends it down a path where it will fall off a cliff. This Hero Time is just a dodger, but there’s a weird delay in the inputs and it might just take a couple of times until it’s finally over and Fiona is saved.

Now Chapter 3 is something real special.

[*plays Chapter 3*

Allum: Wow

Mini: It’s just a shitty version of GTA.

Allum: What are you talking about it’s magic.]

Yes, Chapter 3 of Shrek 2 is a really shitty version of GTA and received my complete adoration and Mini’s complete hatred. Shrek and the gang made it to Far Far Away and are suddenly given the positions of deputies to help out the old father-in-law. Shrek’s just there to suck up while the others are just… there. This part of the game is the buggiest as every time the camera tilted a certain way the screen would turn a pale blue and the only thing besides the screen looking like someone accidentally hit fill on MS Paint are the shadows of the characters as grey circles.

Anyway, the only thing that’s GTA about it is there’s a star system only up to 3 stars. The easiest way to get beaten up and to get those beautiful 3 stars is just to hit a knight. Sure it might be fun to hit random people with apples or kick them halfway through the block with a burrow kick, but isn’t having Shrek carry a knight the good old Shrek way.

The goal is to help out the kingdom with thieves, escorting princesses, and helping Humpty Dumpty in several mini-games. But it’s more than any one of us expected. This section is very easy to complete because it can just end once talking to the King, but no one told us that. We both assumed that every mini-game had to be finished and some mini-games took more than two tries, but they were all doable.

Every single mini-game was played to agonizing completion. One mini-game was to escort Cinderella while she goes shopping and beat up the 40-50 armed men ready to steal from her. There was one that included beating up the Pied Piper and his children stealing rats. Shrek has his “Hero Time” just throwing outlaws into a police wagon. Another one tests platforming skills to collect Humpty Dumpty’s body. Last ones include chickens and then following a troll stealing jewels to collect them. He instakills anyone in one hit and an ‘I hate you’ note written in orc’s blood. Blah, they’re done.

On to Chapter 4, no more dilly dallying. No more with Keeping up with the Cinderellas.

Chapter 4 is a godsend. Sort of depending on how well you can press buttons. There’s no map, it’s just a rhythm boss fight with Puss-in-Boots. Anyway the King hires Puss-in-boots to kill Shrek and Fiona is left behind in the castle and left out with Gingerbread Man. This is the first time that it follows the movie in the sense that Puss-in-boots just pops out of nowhere to fight. If you make one mistake, that character is dead and you move on to control the next character. It’s just dodge and parry, the button game with the cat in the pretentious hat.

Chapter 5: Back to the basics

This section is back to the simple get to the goal and beat things up along the way. This time Shrek and the gang went to Fairy Godmother’s house to get a happily ever after for him. When they arrive, Shrek doesn’t have an appointment and can’t get in, but Lil’ Red apparently had one and just leaves the group without a care in the world. Puss-in-Boots replaces her and not surprisingly very stealthy and agile. His abilities include walking on conveniently placed ropes to the switch and looking like a deranged orange when he jump.

[Gingerbread Man: “Things would be easier if I was brown”.

Mini: What kind was joke was that? A race one? A cookie joke? Is it even a joke? What was that?]

So they are headed to Jack and Jill’s farm to get a package so they can ‘deliver’ it to Fairy Godmother’s house. There is no reason to pad the game for this long and if they followed the movie’s route, it would have been long enough, but credit is given to inserting new places in the Shrek Universe. The only enemies are pumpkins infused with Fairy Godmother’s magic or drugs. Let’s be real she is the mafia. The rest of the map is just filled with easy puzzles using mostly Puss-in-Boots to solve them. This section is relatively easy and short, but that is only because it is just practice until Chapter 5 reveals its true self.

The real level is another “Hero Time” and this time it’s Puss-in-Boots turn. Platforming rears its disgusting face in the worst way possible. In platforming, it’s acceptable to have 5 to 6 platforms until a checkpoint, but there is no checkpoint in this whole thing. It consists of platforms, ropes, and piranhas. It’s all about timing on the ropes and which way is fastest to the goal because there is more than one path. It’s honestly not that hard, but that’s only because Mini did it.

[Mini: I’m done *walks out*

Allum: Where are you going?

Mini: To get coffee, so I can try to work out why you are trying to test my love.]

Chapter 6 and this time Mini is gone. Thank goodness this time, I didn’t need help.

It’s a pretty small map once again, but it follows the same format as Far Far Away. It is chock full of mini-games and this time they are not optional. These are far easier than the ones in Far Far away and are actually enjoyable. The music and the colors make it extremely fun and whimsical. There are cows, bees, and giant carrots in the map really adding to the farm atmosphere.

The story as to why Shrek and the others have to help out in the farm is because the Three Little Pigs are lazy and they won’t give them the package until Shrek and the others finish their own for them. This is probably one of the best maps in the game and most of the mini-games are rather fun. There are so many puns in this map that Mini would have left the city if they heard all of them. Every time the mini game begins or is complete, the pig who assigned it makes a pun. These puns are masterpieces and although the writing in this game is awkward most of time, this time it is A+.

A favorite would have to be the start of the chicken collecting mini-game.

[Pig: Now don’t go killing ze chickens, I don’t want Poultry-geist running around”

Allum: *snorts*]

This game has the party go around hitting chickens and then the chickens fly up into the air and then disappear into thin air, hopefully to their coop if not then into Lil’ Red’s pot of death. A small map with some enemies and roaming chickens. Simple and easy, nothing horrible about it. There is also an egg collecting game that is impossible to fail and is reminiscent of a Mario Party game. The needle in the haystack one is just a clusterfuck based on luck. There are either 16-25 haystacks and the needle is in one of them. The more haystacks are hit, the more rats are released. At one point there were so many rats, the poor slave called Gamecube started to make the worst crying sounds and the reaper named “Lag” showed itself.

As always there’s “Hero Time” and it’s Gingerbread Man’s turn. It has nothing to do with him being a cookie or any of his skills or acquaintances. This poor living cookie has to climb up a ridiculously large hill to get a pail of water while avoiding being crushed by giant tomatoes that want him decomposing for their future children. There is nothing sophisticated about it. It is just a simple ‘get to the goal’, but it is a waste of Gingerbread Man.

Finally, the Pigs give the gang the box to deliver to Fairy Godmother’s house. And guess who’s back! Mini came back to suffer with me. Oh yeah so is Lil’ Red.

Gingerbread Man left us probably because he needed a milk bath after the tomato incident and so Chapter 7 appears. Chapter 7 is when the game amps up the difficulty. It starts off easy in the first puzzle, which is just having Shrek move crystal orbs around until there are no more lasers in the way. If any of the characters hit the laser, a bunch of heavily armed men will show up. The best part of this section is that Smokey the Bear showed up sleeping on one of Fairy Godmother’s couches.

Now here’s where the game starts to flip its middle finger. “It’s Hero Time” with Lil’ Red and the Fairy Godmother. Now normally it only takes a couple of times to finish these mini-games, but NOT a full hour of my life. So this poor girl has to run on a 3 conveyer belts with giant spikes in between each one as a short magic-buffed grandma tries to sucker punch her into the afterlife with homing magic missiles. And all she has to defend herself are apples.

Eventually, Lil’ Red won and the chapter continues with our heroes finally making it to the potion room. It’s pretty much a team effort to get it and it’s fun.

Then it’s a mob fight. There are just so many. We lost a few times and the fight started from the beginning.

We wanted to just go to sleep, but there were only four more chapters left. We came too far.

There were at least more than 50 guys there and the feeling of death was washing over us. Still wasn’t over, Ryan Seacrest shows up as a boss fight. He hit pretty hard for a pretty boy, but he was no match for the patented, old ‘hit and run’. We beat him up and then his mommy comes to chase us out of their home. There was an actual chase scene, but far more manageable than her boss fight. But we did it, we got the potion.

[Allum: FINALLY!!!!

Mini: Don’t wake the neighbors.

Allum: They’re having sex again. Don’t even try. *sassy pose*]

8th Chapter is fine except for the “It’s Hero Time” segment. At this point in the game, Shrek and Donkey have transformed into a handsome guy and a white stallion. They’ve been locked up because Fairy Godmother sees him as too handsome. Now it’s finally time for new characters to have their time to shine.

This game feels new again because half of the party has been replaced. It’s jailbreak time with fairy tale characters. Gingerbread Man and Lil’ Red are back in action and finally on the team at the same time. They all have the same abilities as always. But there are two new characters, the Big Bad Wolf and Fairy. Starting with the Big Bad Wolf, he deals a lot of damage and his special is his blowing ability which helps with a lot of the puzzles. His animations and lines are actually rather nice and he plays similarly to Shrek as the tank except that he can stay in the air longer due to his dress.

Now onto the Queen herself, Fairy, she is amazing. Yes, her name is Fairy and no, she is not Tinkerbell. It says so on her character profile. Whatever, she’s so badass. She is the leader and drill sergeant of the team and she takes no BS. Her abilities include flying, granting others the ability to fly temporarily, and becoming a machine gun. Her normal attacks fire extremely fast and her movement speed is faster than anyone else. Her only bane is that because she is floating the entire time, she can’t press buttons or lift objects, but that’s what the others are for. She doesn’t need to do anything besides kill and float.

The actual level is a good old regular prison break mission. The goal is to break out 2 out of the 3 Little Pigs and Shrek and Donkey. There’s no big tricks or super aggravating things in this part. It boils down to bring something to somewhere to open a door, press a switch, or blow a giant boulder up/down a slope with Big Bad Wolf. There is actually some challenge with the game because if the characters are detected a lot of enemies will come to attack them and those enemies hit like a carriage. Overall, this is probably one of the best parts of the game along with Far Far Away and Jack and Jill’s Farm just because all the characters are really fun to play with.

“It’s Hero Time” is actually not rage inducing. It is far better than the previous one with Apple Thrower vs Magic Missile Caster. This time it’s the Big Bad Wolf’s turn and it’s technically the same as Puss-in-Boots’. It’s a simple get to the goal game except there is some platforming and instead of piranhas with predictable attack patterns, there are rolling bombs. Poor Wolfie has to do this to get the key to free Shrek and Donkey. We actually got it on our first try so that’s why this one isn’t so scathing as the others.

Time for Chapter 9 and now party switch-a-roo time!

[*Chapter 9 starts and playable characters show up*

Mini: You RUiNeD It! *Points at the screen* MY QUEEN.

Allum: More like your machine gun.

Mini: My Queen has fallen… *drops to her knees*]

Good-bye interesting cast of characters and interesting party chemistry. Welcome back Shrek, Donkey, and Puss-in-Boots. Interesting thing now is that Shrek and Donkey now count as one character because the whole time Human!Shrek is riding on top of Horse!Donkey. They are now the main damage dealers in the team and are extremely fast. Shrek now wields a giant lance and can throw an unlimited amount of damaging magic potions at enemies. They can break large objects and crystals. The two people from Fairy Tale Heist Team that stayed are the Gingerbread Man and the Big Bad Wolf.

However this stage is once again pretty good and rather easy. It’s just simply running through the map and slaying down enemies. The level is designed like a temple and looks like it was copy-and-pasted straight from a Lara Croft or Uncharted game. It’s a rather pretty level as it There is some pretty good background music too. It’s rather mystical sounding and pleasant to listen to.

There’s a pretty varied bunch of enemies here instead of just normal men. There are spiders, giant spiders, frogmen, and golems. The only real threats are the spiders and stone golems. The spiders have shown up before, but now there are more of them and if three of them gang up on any character, it’s basically instant death as there is no invincibility frames to allow the character to escape. The stone golems and the golden golem are probably the biggest threat because they have the largest HP bar and hit extremely hard, but can be easily taken down with Shrek’s magic potions.

“It’s Hero Time” and it’s almost the last one and it is genuinely a horrible experience. It is tiring and requires absolute focus, but it’s fucking hilarious. So Fairy Godmother surprises the gang and kidnaps Snow White in her glass casket. Then Shrek and Donkey chases after Fairy Godmother and Snow White as they’re racing down the in a mine cart. It would have been funnier if the controller didn’t go flying. Fairy Godmother takes at least 7 times to take her down and it’s a long mini-game for that. Shrek and Donkey are only allowed 1 hit and then they die. Never in my years have there ever been such pure, unadulterated hatred for a game and twisters in Harvest Moon exist.

After what felt like a lifetime, it’s over and the gang is back in Far Far Away. Chapter 10 and guess what, the gang are now firefighters and their mission comes from Smokey the Bear who turns out to also be Papa Bear. This was honestly the best part of this chapter. But also why isn’t Smokey helping out and if he was there to prevent fires, why are there several fires all over Far Far Away. No more bugging out into a pale blue death screen this time, thankfully.

It’s an easy mission of just putting out fires by using Big Bad Wolf or a water cannon and breaking down doors to let people escape. There wasn’t anything hard about it and is rather pointless. Smokey had no reason to stop these random group of people and tell them to put out all the fires and save all the people from the doors that won’t open from the inside. It contributed nothing and it was just to ease the player’s tension from the previous “It’s Hero Time” and to get them prepared for the next part of the level.

[Allum: It’s a trap. That giant gingerbread monster is going to appear and it’s going to be an escort mission.

Mini: That part’s obvious. Why are you freaking out?

Allum: I don’t know. One of us has still to react to this game.]

Surprise, it’s an escort mission. It’s even more aggravating this time. This time the gang is escorting Mongo, that giant Gingerbread Man, through the entire town. He’s such a huge target it’s not even funny. So the gang has to destroy the knights using water cannons/catapults that shoot disturbingly fast while running through roofs. Mongo is so easily killed and we actually had to turn up the brightness on the TV because we couldn’t see what we had to use to defeat the knights and if we actually got them.

After the roof section, it’s the same thing, but on the Far Far Away version of Beverly Hills. It is easier than the roof section as long as Shrek and Donkey are used correctly because now a bunch of enemies will come out and only Shrek and Donkey can knock them out easily. Mongo will be on one side of the street while Shrek and the others will be on the other. The Gingerbread Man can now direct Mongo to destroy obstacles on Mongo’s side of the road with his throwing cookies. It’s pretty creative and a test in multitasking and timing. Nothing feels better than throwing a cookie and more than thousands of dollars of property damage is done.

And finally the last “It’s Hero Time”, and who else would the last hero be in Shrek 2 than Mongo, the best character in the movie. This time it’s rather easy compared to the other ones because it is timed to be less than a minute and it is just a still turret section. The goal is to protect Mongo and it was the most exhilarating part of the game because the game was almost over. The banquet was almost upon us and we were not going to waste any more time.

So… Chapter 11… That lil’ old chapter. The banquet did not happen and we turned off the Gamecube and got coffee. Who cares about a sense of accomplishment? Neither one of us was willing to put anymore time on Shrek 2 for the Gamecube.

Let’s get this straight, WE DID NOT FINISH THE GAME. Because this section is such bullshit. It is a multi stage boss fight against Fairy Godmother. So Shrek and Donkey turned back to normal and Fiona is back in the party. GIngerbread Man and the Big Bad Wolf are nowhere to be seen. A part of me wished that we could finish it, but it’s just the worst thing ever. Fairy Godmother and Ryan Seacrest doesn’t fight fair. We got up to third stage and that’s it for the review.

So the first part of the boss fight is with the drunk knight that can take down half of a character’s health in one hit. But now there is 10 of them. And they surround the party in a circle. It took a while before we got the trick was just to wait in the middle because the knights can’t actually spin move all the way into the middle to hurt the party. They have an indicator to show when the knights will stop their spin moves and it’s that their armor will fall to their ankles. This took six times until we figured that out.

The next stage of the fight is with a troll that switches between running up to a character to hit them and throwing bombs. This troll showed up in previous chapters and is just as easy as the previous times. If anything this part is just to let the party heal up as there are health potions on platforms that only Puss-in-Boots can get to. This troll hits pretty hard, but goes down in 3 hits from a kicked back bomb.

The last stage that we got to is a pseudo fight. Fairy Godmother will come down to fight, but the fight stops after a little bit of her health is missing. The real part of the stage is when Ryan Seacrest shows up and makes a lame ass joke about Trolls and unleashes not 1, not 2, but 3 trolls onto the battlefield. We were probably just unlucky because 1 troll was throwing bombs while the other 2 came rushing at the party and easily took them all out every time. And that’s the end of our Shrek 2 journey.

In conclusion, play this game if you love Shrek or want to test the strength of your relationship. It’s a fun ride with friends, but it’s not the best game to play alone. Someone has to be there to share the rage and frustration. Most of the levels are pretty varied and no one level is the same. The music is rather whimsical and it’s clear that a good amount of effort was put into it. The cutscenes get worse the more you progress through the game and sometimes the AI will glitch out. Because we couldn’t finish the game, we found the credits in the menu and decided to watch it. It is fabulous and is better than any of the game’s cutscenes. Every name in the credits is accompanied by a renaissance caricature of the person and the background for the portrait is never the same. So the game is the same as the credits and the credits are the same as this review, far too much effort has been put into it.

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