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soft-sunflower · 4 years

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Flower of Evil Thoughts- Episode 8

Alright, so we start off back in the unparents' house and we're now in Fall of 2005, so it's been a bit since Hyunsoo was hit by the car. And it would seem that he completely realizes he's a prisoner in that house, regardless of if he's comfortable or not. And it would seem it was the unfather's idea to change his name. Here's the thing, why are they wanting Hyunsoo to pretend to be their kid...? That shit is confusing AF to me. They're gonna turn him over to the police if he doesn't cooperate? What's in it for them? And their son is the one in a coma, so what did the unmother do? Bash him over the head or something? It's clear she's got some serious mental issues of her own. I wonder exactly what she did to that boy to put him in a coma for that long?? Hmmm...

I'm really starting to get worried for Hyunsoo and Jiwon now... like, REALLY worried... She's tracking his every movement, which I just don't know how I feel about that. I mean I get it. She's a detective, there's a possibility her husband might be a murderer or an accomplice to murder. When he gets back into bed and JW calls him out for being a liar, I got stressed... I wasn't sure if she was gonna confront him right there in their house or not, but ughhh. She's beginning to push him away, to keep her distance. HS is noticing something isn't right with their happy marriage, to the fact that he could tell she was angry/upset. Then she tells him point black she is not angry. Bullshit, woman. It just feels unsettling to me... how much they are both lying to each other now. And he doesn't like the fact that his wife won't face him. Her facing him gives him comfort, is what I got out of this. He's trying so hard here to pretend that his life has not been shaken, but it has... it's slowly crumbling now and the crumbling and beginning to move a little faster. Closer and closer to a full on landslide that his life is about to become.

Okay, so... the next part I want to talk about is where Hyunsoo is reunited with his Noona, Haesu after 18 years of not seeing each other really tugged at the heartstrings. Moojin actually makes it so they can meet, so I can't really fault him on this one. You could tell he was really surprised by Noona hugging him and crying as hard as what she was. Like why? Would you want to hold onto me? Why would you cry over me? Why would you feel anything in regards to me? He tell her straight up his reason for coming to her is selfish, but that he genuinely needs her help. I actually got very choked up during this scene. Jang Heejin sold it. She's amazing. Her desperation, her happiness and sadness and overwhelming amounts of guilt over the fact that her brother gave up his own life just to make sure that his sister lived safely and well. These poor siblings... they've gone through so many terrible things. It's so sad to see the pain they're in.

The scene of the flashback of who murdered the village foreman was WOW. I recall episode 1 making it look like Hyunsoo actually performed the murder but he didn't. Instead, he wipes and smears blood all over himself and tells Noona to give him the weapon. There was no way he was going to let his sister's life be ruined. He wanted his sister to live an ordinary life, and HE takes the blame. HE takes the fall. HE utterly SACRIFICES his own life so his Noona can live hers. And Noona can't move on with her life. Even after 18 years. She can't live normally. She suffers from the guilt over the fact that she killed someone but even moreso that her brother took the fall for her to protect her. And I KNEW as soon as she admitted to killing him, that the village foreman did SOMETHING to her. I'm not surprised at all that he attacked her either, considering that it's now confirmed he's performed more than just one exorcism on Hyunsoo. What a messed up man...

Also, their hug. I mean wow. Noona screaming and crying at him "How could you ask if I've been well!?" My heart clenched up for her. This poor woman. Even though it was Hyunsoo's decision, she is STILL living with all of that remorse. I loved watching Hyunsoo wrap his arms around her and hold her. I'm so happy that he has his Noona back. I really am. I feel like she is going to be a positive catalyst for many things for Hyunsoo in the future, provided the poor thing gets out of all this alive... I'm worried about her and for her, honestly.

The ungrandma seems to be slowly warming up more and more to Eunha, doesn't she? Making her food and feeding it to her because the little one doesn't know how to hold her chopsticks properly? I thought that was honestly very sweet. There's a lot of underlying things here about this woman. She seems to have suffered her own trauma, and I wonder what it is she's done and been through as a result? The creepy ungrandpa gives off some really scary vibes... abusive and murderous almost. The way he slaps his wife across the face when all she wants is some happiness in her home again... The way Eunha was sitting there eating and it made her emotional and she loses it on her over that? This poor woman just wants some normalcy. I'm starting to feel a bit for her.

The scene where HS is proudly showing Noona has family in his phone is the sweetest thing. Even Noona declares that he has changed a lot from how he was when they were kids. What really warmed my heart was how he talked about how Eunha and Jiwon have the same face and how she's just like her mother. I love how he explained that he made sure his daughter was being raised properly, that she didn't lack the ability to feel like he does, that he made sure of this as he raised her. Hyunsoo is truly an amazing father. But what also breaks my heart is how he looks at himself... as this unfeeling creature that he did not want his daughter to be like. That was a hard pill to swallow. Maybe he doesn't realize, but that screams a rather heavy dislike, maybe even hatred, of himself. However, his soft smiles as he shares his family with Noona does not seem forced or fake. I don't think he realizes how much he truly does love his little family.

Okay, Jiwon has been there almost the whole time listening??? Did she hear the warm things he said about her and Eunha before Haesu asks if he loves her? I wonder... but I will say this, he may not understand or know what the feeling of love feels like but he most definitely loves Cha Jiwon, and I think that Noona will help him discover and learn this. He needs her, he wants her, he doesn't want things to change, he's desperate for them to stay the same. Maybe he truly believes that he does not love her because that's how he's been made to believe and feel his entire life, his brain warped and twisted in ungodly ways to believe that he's a monstrous person without any ability to feel those emotions. That nobody loves him, and that he is not capable of love so therefore he does not understand what the emotion of love feels like. He can't recognize it because as of right now, it simply does not compute for him because this is what severe causes of trauma does to a person.

You can see the moment where JW's heart breaks and my heart ached for her... There has got to be a way that JW can understand what's happened to him, and what he's been put through and that he CAN be helped and he CAN be treated for it. He CAN be fixed because this isn't something he was born with. This is something that happened due to trauma. I will say though through all of that conversation JW listened in on, she did find out that her husband is NOT a murderer NOR was an accomplice to any of the serial killings. And when she's videochatting with her baby girl and her mother, it was so realistically done. The drawing Eunha made for her parents of their happy little home probably destroyed her heart just a little more to see it knowing the truth that she knows now. Their "I love you so much" exchange was the sweetest thing. At the end of the day, she's still a mommy and she still as a daughter to care for and love in their home, no matter how much her heart may be shredded, life goes on.

And that leads her to destroying the bag, burning every single thing in it, including the tape recorder. Why did she do that? Because she still loves him, because she knows he's not a killer nor an accomplice, anything that rumors painted him to be. There is no reason to catch him and bring him in, but her heart is breaking over it all because of how much she loves her husband, and now she's at a loss. She doesn't know what to do. So she burns the "evidence." She agrees to let him live as Baek Heeseong.

The scene with HS and JW sitting outside their home having a beer together BROKE MY HEART. SHATTERED IT. I'm sorry, he may not recognize it, but with everything he just said about her and so tenderly does not play out like an act to me. They way he looks at her and speaks to her... It tell me he loves her, even if he can't understand it, by calling her innocent, pure, quick to laugh, short tempered, quick to sulk, but also quick to forgive... the forgive line HURTS because what if she's not quick to forgive this time...? Because she says she's easily fooled and is gullible, and of course all HS does is laugh and say he disagrees.

They talk about their home, the anniversary of their moving in, their housewarming party, how fun it was and how she was so truly happy that day... and my heart just hurts even more. And now she's saying for him to keep living his life for their daughter's sake, but that her final gift to him as they will part ways...!? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! NO NO NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! I ACTUALLY SCREAMED NO AT THIS BECAUSE EVEN IF HE DOESN'T REALIZE IT, HE NEEDS HER SO MUCH. HOW TF IS THAT A GIFT, JIWON!? IT'S NOT BECAUSE HE DOES LOVE YOU. HE DOESN'T RECOGNIZE THE EMOTION BUT HE DOES. GOD HE DOES. I'M IN SO MUCH PAIN.

The "Do you love me?" and the hand kissing scene... ugh god. My heart is just in serious pain at this point for these two. I'm hurting so much because of this. He can't answer her question, because he truly does not understand the feeling of love, but look at how he is with her? He's so tender with her, he's so affectionate, he's gentle, treating her like she's a package made of glass. Everything physical that he does with her, the way he looks at her, shows that yes he does in fact love her. Though JW is heartbroken and just believes that he's lying, but he has shown time and time through all of these tender caresses and gestures, that he most definitely does love her. (Side note, she took her wedding ring off... at work... *sobs*)

Next scene I want to talk about is something that I theorized on and I was CORRECT. I CALLED THIS. Remember the puppy? I theorized in episodes 6 and 7 that Hyunsoo's father made him do horrible things to animals, such as drowning a puppy. Now here we are with him and the bunny and I am SICKENED because I was RIGHT and did not WANT to be right but I was... At first you think he's giving his son a pet, but nope. He's giving his son an animal... to kill. I want to point out something. Look at how the father holds the defenseless bunny? He holds it by the scruff. Look at how Hyunsoo takes the bunny. He cradles it in his arms. If he wanted to harm that animal, he would've taken it by the scruff too. That child was FORCED to harm animals because of his psychotic father, and he was probably threatened into doing it or he'd be punished.

"Do you what you want with it. You can use your hands or tools. I'll just... sit and watch." He was trying to MOLD and GROOM this poor innocent child into being just like him... into being a murderous, monstrous demon of a man. And it explains even MORE as to WHY Hyunsoo has so many mental health issues. Because of his father. His sick, twisted-minded father. It's so disgusting the way he's warped and abused this poor child... and now it makes me wonder just WHAT his father did to him in that basement if he was forcing him to kill small animals and he was just watching... ugh. I can't even imagine what this baby went through. I can't. I don't WANT to. BUT I CALLED IT! I CALLED IT THAT HIS FATHER MADE HIM DO SCREWED UP SHIT LIKE THIS!!! And the way Do Minseok looks at Hyunsoo just utterly sickens me...

Okay... so... I have a theory about the unfather, but I could be way off the mark. Yes, it would appear he knows and has kept in touch with the accomplice at some point. That's an old phone he has, BUT... is there a snowball's chance in hell that HE could be the accomplice? Think about this... he's cold, he's scary, he controls Hyunsoo with fear, and was FURIOUS when Hyunsoo didn't kill the taxi driver. He had everything set up and ready for him to go, he provided everything Hyunsoo needed to commit the murder. Had Hyunsoo committed that murder? He would've been the accomplice to the murder of the taxi driver, soooo... he's connected to all of this in SOME way and has far too much interested in Hyunsoo to the point that he imprisoned him in his home and threatened to have him turned in if he didn't pretend to be their son...? Hmmm...

Moojin, you're funny sometimes but you're a real piece of work and I don't mean that nicely either. The fact that you would even have the NERVE to say anything to Hyunsoo about revealing his true self to his wife after the way you treated Noona speaks volumes about you. Hyunsoo not capable of feeling my ass. He is. And he's had enough of Moojin, to the point that he was ready to leave, ready to storm right out calling the man useless. I do love that Hyunsoo respects Noona enough to listen to her when she tells him to sit down. I like that Noona was able to get him to sit and listen to her. I like that she's slowly starting to help release some of the emotional repression in him by encouraging him to say what he feels most desperately at this very moment. I truly and strongly believe that she knows this is proof of him not being capable of processing emotion properly is due to his trauma.

Severe trauma, like your own father making you kill animals for fun while he watches so he can try and mold you into what he is, for example, can and most definitely WILL have this sort of effect on a person from a young age. I'm wagering a guess that Hyunsoo was never shown and taught these proper emotions, and when Noona pushes him he seems almost, dare I say, panicked as if he's trying to convince her he doesn't know? Is this a defense mechanism? Hmmm... Also, the fact that he did not become this way til their mother disappeared...? I'm still dying to know what happened there. I hope we find out next week, but I digress.

I love how Noona calls him out telling him he has changed, that he never wanted anything before but now he does. And she knows it and he does too, and so he says it, and his expressions hurt me. He can't even look at anyone as he expresses what he's feeling, what he wants. It's almost like he's ashamed to express what he's feeling. What he wants is just honestly so simplistic it's painful, because may not get what he wants...

He doesn't want to lose his life. His wife, his daughter, his job. He wants to keep living as Baek Heeseong. He wants to get up every morning and get his baby girl off to school, he wants to prepare meals for his family, he wants to kiss and be with his wife, he wants to keep working in as a metal craftsman, he wants his life to stay the same. He doesn't want his dark past being revealed to Jiwon. He just wants his normalcy. We just took our first step into HS finally speaking about how he feels! This is the first step in hopefully unlocking all of those repressed emotions he's kept locked up all these years.

Speaking of Jiwon, she is one slick chick. Sneaky sneaky, Jiwon showing up at Moonjin's apartment while he fakes illness. Very clever. Though I had to kinda chuckle a bit at their collective sigh of relief and Moojin's peace sign and HS's half-grin and eyeroll at him before she shows up at the door. The shocked look on Moojin's face and the smug grin on Jiwon's, omg... What a mess! Poor Hyunsoo though... when he hears his wife show up at Moojin's door and her pushiness on the case, the very idea of her finding out anything sends him into another panic attack, and he's clutching his heart as if it's in pain.

I feel like his inability to express emotion is beginning to manifest itself in a more physical way through these anxiety and panic attacks he's starting to have. Like the emotional repression is too much and has no other way out now beyond severe anxiety and panic. Moojin's shitty comments about Jiwon not staying by his side if she knew his true self probably struck something in him. And now here she is, and she's closing in on everything. It's getting scary for Hyunsoo now. But then he appears at the door in front of his wife, looking calm, collected and chill. The looks like they exchange...

AND OH MY GOD THE REAL HEESEONG IS AWAKE. HIS MOTHER TRIED TO KILL HIM BY UNDOING HIS LIFE SUPPORT BUT HE WOKE UP!? How is Hyunsoo gonna be able to live as Baek Heeseong now!? I don't have words, but UGH! HOW AM I GONNA WAIT TIL NEXT WEEK'S EPISODE!!! Feel free to send me any asks you want about this drama because I'm completely invested and HOOKED.

#flower of evil #lee joon gi #moon chae won #jang hee jin #do hyun soo #baek hee seong #cha ji won #lee joongi #moon chaewon #lee jun ki #lee junki #jang heejin #do hyunsoo #baek heeseong #cha jiwon

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diangeloyoyok · 4 years

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my review on pjo movies

first up with have The Lighting Thief obviously

Poseidon’s entrance lowkey kinda fire but high key weird

‘it’s been many years’ didn’t y’all just have that winter solstice party together ???

‘if your son if the thief i will send him to the pits of tartarus’ ouch that hurt ngl

logan lerman 🥺

he would’ve been such a good percy if they did the movies when he was younger IDC IDC IDC

i stan black grover and just grover overall

i wish we got to see my bitch nancy

sally and percy sallY AND PERCY SALLY AND PERCY SALLY AND PERCY

gabe to me is just *hmm* perfect in this movie, he’s not as mean in the movies but he’s still an asshole ehehehe

i love Chiron actor i think it’s very accurate

also wtf chiron is bros with the big three lols 😹

y’all know jenna davis?- that’s who the girl who plays ms dodd’s looks like

so they just gonna ignore him and tak ab him while he’s RIGJT. THERE.

‘This is a pen. This is a pen.’

‘Are you guys crazy? This is a pen man!’

the scene with gabe makes me uncomfy bc percy says in the book gabe never hits percy in front of sally but ok 😗✌️

leaving percy was the *mOST* difficult thing poseidon *the GOD of water* has ever done wow percy is that cool

‘You’re half donkey?!”

i am da wittlest minotaur 😳✨🙈

such a subtle entrance to the camp love it

why y’all give percy the pen before he supposed to be a badass and rip the horn off wjth his hands but ig

wait so in this dumbass movie percy doesn’t even do anything to get the horn goodbye

i’m still very pissed that they took the scene of annabeth sayjng ‘you drool when you sleep’ but it’s fine i’m NOT fine

why is no one wearing camp shirts 🤬

they may be wrong but i didnt know it was ‘brUnner’ not ‘brUNner’

it’s kinda cute how when percy first sees annabeth he’s like ‘ooouuu who’s that name now 😌😏”

brown haired blue eyed looking ass BITCH

‘A real horses ass’ laughed a LITTLE

so the poseidon cabin is just *THAT* open poor percy no privacy

oh wait wth they already know his daddy poseidon 🤨

like everyone just knew ????

when did percy get new clothes the fuck

why did everyone laugh and shake their heads when chiron introduced percy what whores

omg luke 🥺

i know everyone knows this but it’s *SOOOOOOOOO* unrealistic annabeth and luke aren’t on the same team. like i’m pretty sure in the first book annabeth said they had a permanent allies type thing with the hermes cabin

‘that’s a sword! that’s a sword’ aw baby luke why’d you have to be evil 🙁🤚

where the FUCK did that bitch tryna be annabae come from

she realky said ‘i love trees🌲☺️❤️’

why does annabeth act like clarisse during capture the flag

also the fuCK WHERE MY BABY CLARISSE

why are there like actual 30 yr olds at camp

luke was so excited when he saw percy get up he said ‘omg no way✨’

so suddenly percy just knows sword play 😀

and deFEATS ANNABETH WE ALL KNOW HE CANT EVEN DO THAT NOW

y’all red heads a bunch of babies

i already know it’s coming

shit no

i hate it

i hate it so much

already ew’d out

‘i definitely have strong feelings for you, i just haven’t decided if they’re positive or negative yet.’

‘well you let me know when you figure it out’

‘you’ll be the first’

why they just drinking nectar for fun?? like bruh you tryna die or sum

after that i can’t watch anymore tonight

it’s been like 3 weeks but let’s not talk about that

i’m not even gonna comment on the campfire scene anymore my god

i like how in movies everyone is like “omg the underworld so scary percy you can’t go that’s so dangerous you will DIE”

and in the books they’re like “yeah it’s dangerous but whateva you 12 yr olds have fun down there bring me a souvenir!!”

why does luke have?? video?? games?? in?? his?? cabin??

WAIT LIKE A WHOLE ASS TECHNOLOGY SETUP WHAT

why is luke the only one in his cabin like where’s the stolls and chris 😳

you mean to tell me luke broke into hermes house just for like funzies and to steal shit?

sounds like travis and connor but ok✨

what the fuck even is the whole pearl plot

i don’t even wanna talk about the medusa scene

percy has an ipod 🤡

“i’ve only been in the outside world a few times” did you fucking practice driving those few times or WHAT

if percy could actually heal people with water wowie imagine how useful

why did percy bring swimming trunks on a quest

can this brown haired bitch shut up already

sally never took gabes last name excuse you 🤣

ofc it’s fucking fox news giving us that bullshit info on sally

they in nashville wee-doggie 🤠

‘hey it’s your mom’ obviously dumbass she has eyes

so they hid in the potty room for like 5 hours? huh

yeah let’s jus facetime lukey real quick 🥰

silly boy percy

“how flipping awesome was that”

does percy even know he can bend water in the first book

that’s gonna be an unexplainable statue for the workers tmrw

lotus hotel baby

the only reason this movie is watchable

vegas be lookin kinda fresh i wannna go

i wanna stay at the lotus hotel this place looks sick asf

lotus flower treats yummy yum

here comes gaga 😮

why they laugjing so much

wonder if nico likes gaga

imagine like 10 yr old nico just straight vibing there

grover pulling out the dance movies yessir 🤩

“no❤️ percy don’t eat the flower”

why didn’t percy just like grab the flowers and throw them

OOOO KESHA WE LOVE TO SEE IT

TIKTOK ON THE CLOCK BUT THE PARTY DONT STOP NOW WOAHWOAHWOAH

i’m bored ✨

ooo skeletons

charon my queen 👑🥳

“we drowned in a bathtub, all three of us” 😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊

i wish that was in the movie

i wish a lot of things were in the movie hit that is high

we’re in the same boat in the very same boat

how do you get seasick in an elevator- BOAT?

the way to the underworld is over the styx it’s a river

i know, you show off chicks

sexist much? go make a splash

i’ll splash you

it’s like watching titian’s clash, they’ll kill each other it they’ll kiss if we’re lucky they’ll end up in an abyss

anyways✨

hades do be looking kinda cool tho

that’s a cool ring you got there hades

omg mommy sally 🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰

how did percy not notice the lightening bolt in the damn shield befORE???

“it’s luke shield he betrayed us”

damn she switched sides real fast

this phoney bitch why does she want power and a war sis go plant shit

i refuse to believe hades is abusive sorry sis you ain’t fooling me

god where’s Juniper when you need her

so no fight between percy and aries 🤡

instead we have lukey pukey

omh he’s the lightening thief i did not see that coming ong 😳

^^ me on twitter after it’s revealed on the percy jackson tv show

can this luke character chile

percy pulled a harry styles and said “i’m falling” 😔

i’m thE SON OF POSEIDON I NEVER ASKED TO BE BUT IM THE SON OF POSEIDON

“yeah, i think i am the son of poseidon”

okay 🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋🦋

omG i goT bUtTerFliEs

how does s-dog jusy know how to get to olympus did y’all get freaky up there or

that’s actually kinda how i imagine olympus looking so

i guess

good job

maybe

what is this ant man why they so small

“i have no connection to poseidon”

p-dog looked kinda hurted 😳

as if zeus would ever compliment percy

has athena ever told annabeth *or any of her kids* i’m proud of you

“i need to speak with him” “just this once”

yet we got poseidon showing up once in awhile just to say hi

7 months? 😀

percy was 7 months old?

now i don’t remember much but i don’t think it was that long luv ❤️

“always”

i thought i was watching percy jackson not harry potter tf is up

sally and percy have my whole heart

g-man got his horns

chiron 🥺✨

missed my main hoe 😍

why are there so many fucking campers

there’s like 500

let’s take a chill pill shall we

annabeth and percy look like siblings in this

incest 😳

they bouta fiGHTshe better have won

k well that’s it thank the gods 😘

i’ll be back in like 4 months to review sea of monsters i need a break of bullshit

OH ITS NOT OVER

it’s gabe

he pulled a demi

stone cold

everyone will be happier without him

#percy jackson #percy jackson and the olympians #pjo #pjo movies #so fucking stupid #anabeth chase #grover underwood #heroes of olympus #disney+#pjo adaptation #percabeth #rick riordan

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toxicxxmyth · 5 years

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Dating Richard Camacho headcanon

Authors Note: This all over the place lmao so bear with me. I also got a little carried away oops.

Y’all prolly met at the club or a house party tbh(like almost every other Richard fic :’)

And you were there looking bomb as ever ;)

And he was there looking fine as ever ;)

And you were just in a corner talking to a few friends when he sat beside you

At first it wasn’t a big deal bc it’s a couch..hello

But when y’all got a good look at each other’s faces under the smoke and blue laser lights

Y’all were like

So that’s how you met, lol

It might’ve taken a long time for you guys to actually start dating

With him being so private and secure when it comes to relationships

And you having bad experience with relationships

You guys took it slow, yet you both considered each other as your s/o even if you guys haven’t even shared a kiss

And after, let’s say, four months, y’all started dating

Anyway

Starting now with and actual headcanon

My boy’s hands are on you 24/7

Your hips, waist and ass are his hand holders

Literally cannot get enough of you

If you’re cooking you can bet your ass he’s wrapping his arms around you(or just unpacking takeout if you don’t cook)

Squishing you into his buff chest with his strong arms :’) whatta dream

Even in public his hands are wrapped tightly or losely around your waist, 0 fucks given at the pictures people take or the stares

He’s you number one support and judge

Perfect candidate to take to the mall when you want to buy some clothes or whatever

This is one horny ass man(but y’all knew that already)

Anything you wore he’d just melt and start making Inappropriate jokes

“How’s this one” you’d mutter mostly to yourself as you examined the dress

“It’s great ma, it look even better on the floor tho” He’d chuckle darkly

But your just like

“guess I’ll fuck him in the dressing room ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ “

Sometimes you have those down moments where you basically just hate yourself(terrible fucking feeling m8)

BUT RICHARD IS HAVING NONE OF THAT

I feel like he’d cancel EVERYTHING he has on his schedule and clean the whole house and set up the cutest fort and puts on a shit ton of Disney movies and snacks for you

He takes his time leaving soft and gentle kisses all over your body, starting from the top of your head to the tip of your toes, whispering sweet nothings in your ear before lazily clicking play on the little mermaid

He could barely focus on the movie

His hands would be draped lazily over your stomach squeezing the soft skin(making you uwu)and his head buried in the crook of your neck, giving you innocent kisses

A wide smile permanent on your face

You’d order some take out and just drink some red wine as he worships your body in the most innocent ways possible to the dirtiest ways

This dude is the dream boyfriend once he’s met the one honestly

and vice versa

Every time he feels down(which isn’t a rare thing) you’d be there.

His head would be against your chest as you softly massage his scalp, lips pressed against his forehead and you whispered all the things you love about him and all the good qualities that he has

MELTING IS WHAT THIS BOY IS DOING ON THE INSIDE

MELTING

Anywhore, moving on

it took Richard 6 months for him to introduce you to Aaliyah bc he wanted to make sure that you were actually serious

Which is completely understandable

He was so nervous bc like

whAT if you don’t want that big of a commitment??

Or what if Aaliyah doesn’t like you???

His worst nightmare is both his baby girls not getting along

Literally had to take a moment alone so he could recompose himself

He wouldn’t know what hell to do if both the loves of his life dont get along

But let’s be honest

He was stressing for nothing

You guys ended up loving each other

It took Aaliyah a few minutes to open up due to her shyness

But y’all ended up being the best of friends

And Richards heart just meLTED

You ended up befriending Yocelyn too

And Richards all like :0

If you weren’t confident before you met him, then he really did boost your confidence up little by little

Starting with random messages throughout the day

Some sweet other explicit ;)

Would take so many pictures and videos of you just so you could see how pretty you are

And if you were already confident(which we all should be :’)

Y’all would take some bomb ass pictures together

Like them cute ass insta couples

Will make such cute and inappropriate comments under your posts

Making many fans gush and hollar

Ugh, goals man, literal goals

Most fans don’t take the news well

Hate comment after hate comment

But you know what?

Y’all prolly fucking too hard to pay attention

This man is a sex God(I have no proof but I have no doubts either)

Y’all caNNOT change my mind

Pull out game weak(sorry lol)

But goOD THING YOU’RE ON THE PILL!!

This one kinky motherfucker istg

From bondage to breeding to choking to ooff I need a shower

Will take you anywhere in the house

The couch? check

Kitchen? check

Guest room? check

I want to say that he’s into public sex but I doubt it, like he’d think it’s hot but he wouldn’t want to risk anything

LUCKILY YOU’RE THERE TO PUSH HIS BUTTONS!!! ;)))))

Lazy make out sessions are a common thing

Lots of booty grabbing

My man loves that booty

You get along perfectly with the guys

Even though at first all of you were a bit iffy

Because

“Oh shit, new girl and she isn’t a one night stand :0”

But after like a week maybe, all of you started getting more comfortable

Maybe a little too comfortable which had Richard seeing red

I mean

He’d love the fact that everyone was getting along

BUT THERES BOUNDARIES !!

Ooff did I mention that he’s super protective with a tad bit of possessiveness

Not enough to be considered dangerous or unhealthy but enough to irritate you

“Like back tf up bruh I can protect myself”

And he’s all like

You could be at the club, dancing and having the time of your life and some guy just creeps up behind you

And Richards got this murderous look on his face that even scared you

But let’s not lie, mad Richard is a sexy Richard

Y’all have some bomb sex after but then a deep conversation about your faithfulness to each other

Speaking of conversations

It’s 2:49am and y’all talking bout raiding Area 51 or some shit

You’re both drunk off sleep that you just go deep in thought

Or it could be 11:11pm and you guys are just confessing your love for one another

Singing his songs while you clean around the house or catch up on your work

And his just staring at you with the biggest heart eyes

Random slow dances with or without music happens at least one a week

Dates could go from a fancy ass Italian restaurant or a stop at 7/11 and a drive around the streets listening to slow r&b music

You could be gazing up at the stars and he’d try his best to focus on the road instead of your beautiful face

Days away from him suck ass

With him touring and practicing could be hard on both of y’all

But you make it work

Or when he’s finally home and you have to go to uni or work leaves him a bit disappointed

But you’ll do some romantic shit when you or he gets back

THIS MAN WILL SPOIL THE SHIT OUT OF YOU

will surprise you with diamond earrings or necklaces

You end up calling him your sugar daddy jokingly

Speaking of nicknames

Calls you mami more than your name

Like, does he even know your name?

Prolly not(jk)

You’re just mami, baby girl or babe

But you don’t mind whatsoever

Teaching you Spanish)if you already don’t know it) and kissing you every time you get something right

He’s a messy one lady’s

So every time you fight it’s prolly bc of his mess

You end up yelling at him to clean the mess

And he act all offended but does as you says cause he’s a good boy

Literally cried when Aaliyah calls you mommy

But your panicking

Like full on panicking

Like what if Yocelyn comes and drags your ass??

You’re out here worrying while Richard is bawling his eyes out in happiness

None of them have a problem with it thankfully

It just means you’re treating their baby girl right

Now it’s your cue to cry

Damn you love both of them so much

And he loves both of y’all twice as much

OH and meeting your family would be the end of him

His having a full on breakdown once again

His confidence is out the window

Cause what if they don’t accept him bc he’s a dad????

Or bc he’s constantly on the road and not being able to give you all the love and attention you deserve???

That’ll crush him

And Yashua’s prolly making fun of him lowkey

Your dad(or male figure if you don’t have a dad) would intimidate THE SHIT out of him

But once again, after a few minutes or hour

Everyone got along perfectly

Your family ended up loving him and his family ended up loving you just as much

And there’s so much more that could go on with dating Richard but this is all my poor brain could think of

Plus I’m afraid that if I write more tumblr will fuck my shit up like always :’)

Deuces 🤙🏼

#cnco #richard camacho #richard camacho imagine #richard camacho headcanon #richard camacho one shot #cnco imagine #cnco imagines #cnco one shot #cnco headcanon #cnco fanfic #cnco x reader

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shirts181 · 4 years

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Random life vent

I remember being really happy as a kid/teenager, everything was awesome, always had friends and family around and did cool stuff, didn’t overthink about anything just lived my life as it came day by day. Not anymore. Before i dive into this, there’s going to be so many things im going to miss or havent remembered thats probably vital or important in relation to what im saying and as im re-reading over it ill realise i havent added something so yeah just a heads up, im a guy in his mid 20′s, majority of this my friends now dont even know about and i couldnt even imagine trying to explain all this shit to somebody i know, i guess thats why im here lol, i want to add and not sure if its related to how i turned out or not but growing up i was always on the shy side, wasn’t super shy but like when i would do shit like do a class presentation by myself id always go red and blush and sometimes get teary, not that i was sad or upset, id just get fucking teary like a dickhead lol, would use my hands when i talked and just overall looked like a nervous wreck. I was comfy around friends and family, could do whatever, didnt really care, if anything i felt like an extrovert around them, but when it came to being in situations i didnt know anybody, i plainly would just say nothing, not make an effort to really engage in conversation, just lay back and wait for that situation to be over til i was with my friends. If somebody approached me id obviously talk to them and whatever but rarely would i be the person initiating anything like that, was a bit of a idiot like that growing up lol. I’ve always been the person who wanted everyone to be happy, i was always oblivious to how other people like my friends had family or whatever issues growing up and the REAL impact it has on them, like divorced parents or they dont know their mum or dad or whatever that stuff, i knew people with depression and anxiety growing up and i was always open to talk to people about it, i LOVED being the friend to speak to if anybody was feeling like shit or wanted to vent, it made me feel really appreciated and id been given this trust to listen to what they have to say, like i might be able to make them feel better about what they had to say regardless of if i could properly help/change their circumstances and problems, but maybe put a smile on their face and make them laugh and let them know it’ll be ok without even being sure if it would, but i never would say that and 100% know it would be ok, but by saying that it might just give them some hope that things CAN be ok and they then believe it can change for the better. From the age of 16 i was super self conscious, i cared what people thought of me, not that im a super ugly guy or had anything dramatically wrong looks wise or how i was, but more so for me maybe like saying something and somebody over hearing it and me being like “oh fuck i should of said that” because it might sound bad or like having pimples (probably same as every teenager ever lol) or a bad hair day (literally) kinda thing. I cared how people portrayed me, i wanted everyone to know i was just average person who just wanted everybody to be happy, i made conscious decisions on what i said to who and where i said it, clothes i would wear depending on where i was going and who might see me, that stuff was like a necessity in my life, i wasn’t like ocd about that stuff because sometimes id be in situations where i know id be judged but still followed through, but something about me just fuckinggggg hated having somebody look at me a certain way and portray me differently to who i really am. I just re-read that and holy shit lol i sound like an idiot the way i’ve said what i’ve said, this is another thing about me maybe saying something and not accurately making it out to sound how i intend it to sound. Whatever rofl, now the real shit. I got diagnosed by a psych with anxiety when i was 18, this was the beginning of my mental downfall from then to this day. About 6-7 months of solid anxiety i could barely leave my house, was scared for no fucking reason, dont even know why, all i remember is my heart beating like crazy and feeling like i was going to pass out or whatever. This would happen mainly in social situations during and before even seeing others/doing things. I would work myself up to the point of crying, getting hives/being itchy everywhere on my body, nervously shaking and visually just looking terrified. I couldn’t drive properly because i’d get panic attacks and id feel like im about to pass out and i cant escape cos im trapped inside a car, traffic was the worst especially when i was alone, there was numerous times that i fucking cried in my car before and after id pull over to relax myself, how stupid is this shit? Why does this happen to people, how does this shit happen to ME, i dont even get why this all is even happening, im not an unhealthy person by any means so im not sick and didnt have symptoms of any illness, wtf is going on. How the fuck do i get over this, ended up seeing a psych because i had no idea wtf was wrong with me, bring in my diagnosis of having anxiety. While i was at home, i would hardcore grind out games on my computer, it made me feel normal and not like absolute shit, dont know why but at the time thats all that made me not feel like absolute shit and scared of being outside in the world. I took pills for this, tried to be active by exercising, playing sport and making an effort and forcing myself out of the house. At the start it was absolute torture, i didn’t ever think i’d get over this, it was that bad. I was on medication, couldn’t tell you what one because i just dont remember and never payed attention to medication names etc. Fast forward 6-7 months, i am actually feeling ok, i apply for jobs, go to job interviews with ease, im actually feeling really good like im making improvements in my life and progressing correctly by taking the next step, something i wouldn’t of thought of doing months earlier. I ended up getting a job and it was like a weight off my shoulders, i was excited, my parents were super happy with me for how far that i had come, i felt good as, potentially like im on track to success in living my life and being able to feel good again. As i got this job i was confident in going out and felt like i could properly just do shit, like i could be me again. This lasted about 15 months, i was ok to drive, i NEVER had a panic attack during this 15 months, i felt good af, when i drove i would even laugh at myself be like “why tf was i panicking? why was i such an idiot and getting worried over shit that cant and wont effect me and make me feel scared? why would i care about those things”, even in like social situations same thing, it was great. It all started to come back, slowly it like bloody crept its way back to being bad, but at this stage i was in denial, i was like na i can get over this i dont need to see anybody, but realistically i probably needed to. To this day i’ve never seen a psych about it, for the last 4-5 years ive almost just adapted to knowing im going to have panic attacks and feel like shit, iv learnt to cope and deal with it myself, the thought of me taking pills for this again scares me, why would i want to take pills to get better again when once i feel good, come off them, id get back into this state of mind and feel anxious again, and then repeat, why the fuck, seriously, why the fuck would i put myself into this potential scenario, i say potential because its a possibility, but thats not a risk im willing to take, people get addicted to this shit, ultimately what im trying to say is i dont want to be that person that gets reliant on taking pills to just having a functioning mind that doesnt make me feel scared and afraid, why cant i just shake this off? is there something im not doing? wtf is the cure to this shit? i know its not the pills because i dont want to become reliant on medications to make me happy. Im pretty convinced im depressed too, iv had serious thoughts about suicide, but i dont think im somebody who could actually commit to it, and if i was, i would probably make the decision to speak to somebody, but im stuck in a mindset where im not going to die from it, but i feel like shit all the time, i dont want meds, i dont know how to fix where im at pretty much, theres things that have happened to me the last couple years which have convinced me im a bad partner in a relationship, not for things i do but for what i unintentionally didnt do, im not a fulfilling boyfriend, ive either never obviously met the right girl for me or im just not fit to be a boyfriend, and thats what i think, how can somebody commit to me but im to stressed and worried about how my commitment to them might not be enough? the constant worry of not being a good boyfriend, when all i really want is for everything to be ok and happy, not that if things arent good or happy that thats a bad thing, i totally understand not everything is perfect and there are shit things that happen to people or in the world thats always going to happen, but i feel like, mainly with my last ex girlfriend, i felt like i was in a competition half the time to compete and get reassurance i was being a good boyfriend because i didnt know anything else, i was locked into this relationship i felt i couldnt escape, i so badly wanted out but was sucked into the mindset that if i left id have nothing and couldnt be with anybody because shes the only one who would be with me cos she already is, how the fuck do i overcome this, how do i get out? Its been a year since she ended up breaking up with me and pretty much for those reasons, i wasn’t up to par with her standards, i wasnt her dream boyfriend, for somebody who accepted my past issues with anxiety and letting her in on all my personal shit, if somebody who i thought cared for me leaves me, how could i ever convince or even get another girl to be with me knowing i have this weight and baggage of being a potential let down and not being able to be the person she needs me to be? Writing all this i thought id feel better but i kinda still feel like shit. I weighed up deleting this, i had it all highlighted ready to backspace and alt f4 this but fuck it i might regret not posting this, i guess thats why im here anyway. If you read all this sorry for the random bullshit, i re-read it and i sidetracked myself hard from what i was originally going to say but im kinda tired and was literally just typing anything that came to my mind andddd yeeeeaaaahhh.. peace

#anxiety #depression #latenightthoughts #venting #myreality #mylife #imisstheoldme #shellberightmate #bullshitery #mentalsuffering #mentalhealthissues

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lottalex · 5 years

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1/1/2019~reflection

yo, so im not really sure how to do this. I think I just made a random Tumblr to let the feelz out. because your girl gotta lotta them. hence the lotta lex. but I am still not comfortable with people seeing my shit that I know because putting my feelings out to the world that sees me in every day life is fucking terrifying.

SO. basically, I am just her to reflection my life the last year because it is now 2019 and that is the basic girly thing to do ~*~*~

Jan- wtf even happened in January of last year. gimme a sec to look at my pictures. pretty sure thats when I riddled with anxiety constantly and crying alone in my apartment while my ex-boyfriend went out all the time with his friends and I hated my life. lets check. my god, first of all I was fat. and had black hair and bangs. (tf did no one stop me for.) HOWEVER, my sweet angel nephew was born and I got to cry as I held him for the first time and fell in love with him. I remember being so terrified that my bff would have an ugly baby but that bitch had to outdo us and produce the cutest lil human. god bless. I started my journey on being a vegetarian on this day last year. which was amazing and I could see my body changing while knowing I was helping the planet. that being said, it’s time to return to that. Contemplated chopping my hair off. clearly going thru a lil crisis at this point lol. my other best friend found out her bf was talking to anther girl and I had to hold all that shit in because I was angry. and did she leave? nah, ya girl didn't but its alright hit up May on here I’m sure you’ll see how she got him back lol. alright so Jan wasn’t the worst. pretty good bc of the bean.

Feb- Ain’t got no clue wtf went on here. I remember my ex took the day off work to watch a fucking soccer game on valentines day instead of coming to see me lol. Jacqui came to visit during this time apparently lol nice. Yes, omg I fucked called into work and went to St. Louis and SMASHED some Korean bbq. fuck that sounds so fire right now. we played overwatch which is always fun. I didn’t get chosen for an animal caregiver position lol. getting skinnier. got the lush shampoo and conditioner bars. might have to hit those up again but they made my hair so greasy in korea. omg donghyun and I started being friends, jacqui was talking to some super hot Korean boy too. sad that didn’t work out for her lol. God, im so happy I went through my pictures. I forgot that February was the time that my best friend and I decided to take the biggest fucking risk of our lives and study in Korea for the summer. my mom was so fucking supportive. I will never delete those screenshots. My sister realized she was depressed and we got her some meds. woo. I made work friends and played dungeons and dragons like a fucking nerd and I love it.

March- ayyyye, I think this is where my anxiety got high as fuck about korea which was amazing lol such a fucking shitty time in my life. low-key worth it tho. I made a chicken Alfredo lasagna for my friends and it was fire. I should make that again. so many veggies and dog pics. love both of those things. I CUT ALL MY HAIR OFF WOW. I FORGOT. damn, that shit was short. Ashley finally starting coming around again. lol broke Zach’s phone and Ashley’s tooth on st. Pattys day. go team. doggo had to get heart worm shots. that shit was 1700 bucks and she had a weird patch shaved on her back lol. my grandparents got me a fucking sweet coffee pot for Christmas and I finally started using it. I need to break it out again, WE SENT OUR DEPOSIT FOR OUR APARTMENT IN KOREA OMFG I WANNA CRY I LOVE IT. started doing yoga too. another thing I need to get into again.

April- went home for easter. wore a black bra with a yellow sweater. the beginning of disappointing my stepmom’s side of the family lol. got my luggage for korea omfg I wanna cry looking at these. it makes me so happy. lots of bts pics. still love them. just highly glad im not as obsessed anymore. god, more screenshots of my fabulous mother being loving and supportive of my every move. guess who I cant say that for? my dad lol. damn, this is the month my anxiety fucking attacked me. I couldn't sleep. I would cry for hours alone. I thought I was going to get my house broken into. I was paranoid someone was watching me. just a really shitty time. but, I had lots of things to look forward to and I didn't even know.

may- this was my fucking month. Jesus, this is gonna be a crazy ride. omg trying to purchase BTS tickets with our whole fam for jacqui to be the only one to get one lol. and then my sweet mother again hitting up Stubhub and buying us tickets for $1,000. she cray but I was so thankful. I held a snake, nice. I quit my job and moved home for like 3 weeks prior to Korea. I. babysat. all. the. time. I had Wyatt and Navie. and I got in trouble for coming home and babysitting because my boyfriend at the time wanted me to pay attention only to him. he wanted me to not make any money before I left. nothing. the new bts album came out and its still my favorite one so far. I woke up early as fuck and listened to the whole thing with jacqui. we put headphones in and texted with every song we listened to. my god, im thankful for that bitch. decided that month that I wouldn’t stay at my old apartment and that I would move in with Jesse. saving me quite a bit of cash. went to Chicago before we left for korea for a concert and we brought the boys lol what a mistake. ex and I fought the entire time. he was such a dick to me before I left for korea and im not sure if he even sees it to this day. but I had the worst drink ever at a bar in Chi. we rode bikes along the lake. BFF attempted to get her hair done and it was all fucked up and she had to fix it. had a karaoke night with her family which was fun. had to leave my doggo, not so fun. drove the airport with my family (& at this point by family I just mean my mom, stepdad and siblings because is my dad really a parent at this point lol). BFF and I left for korea. traveled to Canada where their money smells like maple syrup lol. started taking anxiety pills finally. got to mother fucking South Korea. had to climb up six flights of stairs with 3 suitcases each lololololol. couldn’t get real food anywhere because jacqui and I were anxious motherfuckers and wouldn’t go in anywhere to order. got a Korean phone number. oh, also broke up with my boyfriend two days before I left. I didn’t break up with him but yeah. also found out he was talking to girls on snapchat a lot. thats was fun. my mental breakdowns at that time were fun. but I was kinda happy because it took a lot of pressure off me for korea and all and all it was for the best. we weren’t happy and hadn’t been for a long time.

June- OH JUNE. so many things. KOREA. Jacqui and I found our home restaurant in korea and I hope if we go back it’ll still be there. best 김치찌게 ever. met other foreign people one night out. got super fucking drunk on alcohol in hongdae somewhere that I dont even remember lol. Also, that was the night I met the first Korean dude I kissed. he was nice. English not so good. Jacqui met that josh kid. god I hope I never forget that. dude was a creeper. and the next night I broke my fucking wrist and dislocated my wrist and elbow AND snapped the elbow ligament all over a motherfucking Korean American boy. drunk Lexie is and always will be a mess hahahahaha. so had to go to the ER via Korean taxi where I almost passed out because they wouldn't let me drink water. had to cry in front of a lot of Koreans. got my arm set back into place without any anesthesia. but I found a billboard cutout of BTS on the way home lol. had to make my parents decide if I should stay in korea for surgery or come back to the states. mind you I was not even a week into being in korea hahah. this is why my dad fucking hates me im sure of it. attempted to explore a lil more. I feel bad for jacqui. she had to take care of me throughout all of this and I was fucked up on pain meds. she's a good egg that one. had surgery in korea. missed the first few days of class lol. found the fucking best popsicles ever in the hospital. made my dad pay 9,000 dollars for my surgery. found a bomb ass American restaurant. RIP I miss u. awh, omg Dasol. my bird. learned I loved cold noodles. especially in the heat of June Jesus H. tai kwon do was also lit. cute instructors bless. Jacqui’s drunk tinder date that turned into my date lol hey Daniel. got my cast off and got the brace. met meerkats and wallabies. finally had sex with someone besides my ex.

ok ok this too much. I gotta clean now ill be back for the other six months lol

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sunflowerplusapeach · 6 years

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𝓂𝓎 𝐋𝐎𝐕𝐄 𝐘𝐎𝐔𝐑𝐒𝐄𝐋𝐅 𝐓𝐎𝐔𝐑 𝐎𝐀𝐊𝐋𝐀𝐍𝐃 𝑒𝓍𝓅𝑒𝓇𝒾𝑒𝓃𝒸𝑒

✰hi everyone! i’m not the very type of person who’s good at storytelling but i’ll try my best to share my very first concert experience in my life. i’m figuring out many armys are gonna attend bts’ future concerts or curious about it so i’ll let you know about mine in this thread.

(𝒂𝒍𝒍 𝒑𝒉𝒐𝒕𝒐𝒔 𝒊𝒏 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒔 𝒑𝒐𝒔𝒕 𝒂𝒓𝒆 𝒎𝒊𝒏𝒆)

BUYING TICKETS

each venue has different official ticket distributors. for example, the concert for staples center LA has AXS as their official ticket distributor, meanwhile oracle arena has ticketmaster. ITS ALWAYS JUST THE TWO: AXS and Ticketmaster. tbh i really don’t know whats better at first since i’ve never bought one. many armys prefer ticketmaster and vice versa but let me tell you!! before the ticket selling for oracle arena, I tried practicing buying tickets for the LA concert dates thru AXS and actually got sumn! i think it was a p3 seat that costs only like $120 with tax but i didn’t got it cause i’m from north cali and LA is too far for me so i really did set my mind on the oakland concert only and let me tell you sis, that was a dumb move!! the date for the ticket selling for oakland came and i didn’t snag any ticket from ticketmaster and i was actually pissed. but i’ve had plan B and that is to buy from stubhub. yes, stubhub which is another ticket reseller but sells ticket at an expensive price. when the sold out sign went out for oakland i quickly went to stubhub and got a p6 ticket with a price thats 4x more expensive than the original price (which is only $60) and i lowkey cried cause i didn’t got p1 (which is my planned seat) but actually thankful cause i’m still gonna see them anyways but just far away. there’s many tutorials about buying tickets made by armys on yt and tbh i didn’t follow any of them lmao. i guess its just bad luck to me that day. it’s really chaos during ticket selling so stay strong and be patient with the process. some armys on twitter are selling tickets but of course it would be better if you could buy on your own with the official price and not the overpriced ones. there’s also lot of scammers during ticket selling period cause they know some fans are desperate and those are the type of peeps you wanna be careful with.

THE NIGHT BEFORE THE CONCERT

finally its tomorrow!!! i was kinda nervous and excited at the same time but kinda relieved cause i had a friend (shoutout to jaja 💜 ) whos going with me too. we only just met at twitter and its gonna be our first meeting too on the day of the concert lmao. i didn’t mind going with her cause its her first time also so i have someone with me who is on the same boat as I am. it would be nice if you had a friend/s with you whos going also. if not, its alright.

on the night i did some beauty preparations. of course i wanna look stress-free on the concert day lol. i did prepare the bag that i’m gonna use (which was a drawstring bag) and some essentials. i was gonna prepare on the morning on the concert day cause i don’t wanna be stressed yet. make sure you know the venue map (bighit posts it at twitter the day before the concert) so you can know where will be the merchandise line will be located, where to buy the lightstick, and the photo booths and stuff. plan ahead the merchs you’re gonna buy tomorrow and have extra money in case. planning really helps. plan merchs that you want in case the merch you want got sold out.

memorize fanchants if you can. tbh i didn’t memorized all the fanchants and i’m a little guilty lol. it would be really appreciated on the concert day i promise you.

have a good sleep and relax. excitements gonna keep you awake but if you can’t sleep try taking sleeping pills. it works for me when i can’t sleep the night when i’m super excited on the next day event lmao.

CONCERT DAY

this is it! the day i’m looking forward all my life lol. its such a good day to wake up to as I think that i’m gonna meet bts at night. i woke up at like 6:30 am cause i had to drop my brother at his school. i did some errands at the morning and didn’t have the opportunity to sleep again which made me worried cause its gonna be a busy day but i’m confident cause i got 8 hours of sleep at night. i got home at 9:30 and started preparing my stuffs.

WHATS IN MY BAG?

-powerbank

-concert ticket

-phone

-extra cash

-plastic water bottles (not the hard containers like hydroflask, they don’t allow it at the venue)

-wallet

-binoculars (an essential for me cause i’m gonna seat at the very back TT)

-army bomb ver.3 (i’m planning to pair it at the venue booth so i won’t have any problem in case i didn’t do the right steps to pair it for concert mode)

-gum

(this is all whats in my bag that day. i didn’t bring any banners but you can if you want but there’s a limit on the size. see the venue rules for the allowed banner dimensions)

OUTFIT

check the weather before wearing anything. if its very hot, wear light clothing and if its cold, wear appropriate clothes. it was 60 degrees that day so i just wore a pink sweatshirt and pants with pockets. i was originally planning to wear leggings cause it looks more better with the sweatshirt but i can’t tolerate bottoms without pockets LOL. so i just decided on simple pants. i thought about this outfit cause i wanna be comfortable as possible. i don’t recommend high heels but if you’re used to it why not but its not really recommendable. everybody wants to slay and there’s nothing wrong with that but make sure you’re also comfortable so you can really enjoy the show :) i did wore RJ headband to show support to jin and it really looks adorable! many armys complimented me about it when i arrived on the venue hehe

TRANSPORTATION

i just live near oakland (30-45 minutes away) so the transportation was pretty easy for me. i do have a driver’s license but my parents didn’t allowed me to drive to oakland cause they told me its not safe lol which is i kinda understand plus i don’t wanna worry about the parking. i went to oracle by uber and it was really pricey but it just depends on everyone. my parents didn’t have the opportunity to drop me off there cause they have work that day. i left the house at like 12:40pm and arrived at oracle after an hour. the traffic wasn’t that bad yet but i left home early cause i didn’t want to get stuck at the traffic plus i’m still gonna line up for the merch.

MERCH LINE

i automatically lined up to the merch section as soon as the uber driver dropped me off at the gate lmao. the line was long when i arrived but to my relief its moving fast. if i mean fast, i’m not kidding. kudos to the bts crew and staffs. before you line up a staff is gonna give you a paper, more like a merch list where you will check up the merch you want along with the quantity (theres a limit quantity on each item). i think its a really good idea so that the line wouldn’t take too long. once its your turn you’re gonna give the paper to them and they would bring the item and calculate the price overall. i think my overall transaction was less than a minute. it was really fast but many of the items i want are sold out already :( but its alright, still thankful i got some.

ps, DON’T FORGET TO BRING A PEN

also shoutout to kathy! 💜 i met her on the merch line. it was awkward at first but she was really friendly. she told me she was going to the concert alone cause her friends didn’t got a ticket which is kinda sad cause who tf wants to go alone to the concert right? plus she was wearing a mang headband while im wearing rj so our combination looks really cute 💜 too bad we don’t have a photo together but i got her twitter username. were still communicating till today which is kind of adorable hehe~

here’s the merchs that i was able to buy:

(official slogan, mini photocard set and ip7 phone case)

HOURS BEFORE THE CONCERT

after buying merchs, me and my friend Jaja got to meet for the first time! it was crazy finding each other but it was really fun haha. here’s our photo together when we met:

after meeting we went straight to the army bomb pairing booth and got our army bomb ready for the concert which took less than 5 minutes. the staff who paired ours was very friendly (she was korean).

after that that’s the time when we were both curious on where to go. we decided to line up to the bts studio but backed out cause it took long plus were kinda worried where we will eat for dinner.

we tried asking some security guards on which was the nearest fastfood place that we can walk over but he was rude. really rude lmao. that’s what i also noticed on the guard gates on oracle, they were all hella rude. and since the guard’s answer was useless all i did was just to google map instead and found panda express and in-n-out as the nearest fastfood on the venue but we need to ride on uber cause its not really safe to walk around oakland. we got uber and arrived and ate at in-n-out. thanks jaja for treating me <3

we just told each other our stories and got to know each other. we also talked how we found out about bts and became an army and stuffs like that. i’m really glad i met her cause her life is very similar to mine so we both can relate to each other’s stories.

before 5 pm we went back to oracle again, rode uber and arrived safe. after that we went to the north entrance wherein all entrances will open at 5:30pm. it was a smart move that we went there early so we can just chill and won’t have to worry about the time.

BAG INSPECTION and SCANNING OF TICKETS

the line became long after 3 minutes when we arrived in the line. the line was fast enough. my 2 sealed bottled water got confiscated TT but everything went on smoothly. we went straight to another line again which is the last line for the ticket scanning and that’s where it really hit me that i’m gonna see BTS!!! i started taking photos and my heart was really beating so fast. when the venue was letting people in the line was fast too. after that me and jaja got in, we both screamed and jumped together. she was almost crying and i was just there still silent at the fact that it really is the day that i’m gonna see my inspirations hours later.

after we came inside we went straight to the food section and bought water bottles which costs $7 per bottle lmao. always prepare for expensive stuff inside the arena cause i’m not joking, it really is expensive. we had our bathroom breaks and went to our seats!! jaja and i had different seats so we separated our ways and went to our sections. her ticket was on the left side of the arena while i’m on the right side.

it was easy finding my seat plus there’s gonna be a banner on each seat so be careful not to touch those cause i accidentally brushed through a seat and the banner dropped and almost got lost (clumsy me) but good thing i found it and returned it. the armys inside the arena wasn’t full yet when i got to my seat. here’s the view while i was waiting:

the vcr was playing some bts music videos on repeat. its in your preference if you would sing along or do the fanchants but i stayed quiet while waiting cause i was reserving my voice for the real show later. i charged my phone with my power bank to make sure my phone will stay good while recording some videos. it was really fun and you can feel the excitement in the air. my seatmate was kinda cool but i didn’t talk to her that much (sorry i’m awkward hahaha)

the show was getting nearer and nearer and the crowd started to get louder too. when 8:00 pm hit the clock everyone was hfskjdhfskjdfhsjbfkjsdgfdskbnglksfgbksjgns including me! the last mv that showed before the show was DNA and everyone sang. when the lights went out, we all went MBDJSGDKJHFJSGFKJHGFSJFDGHAJKFGSHFGKSJ

THE SHOW

this is the part i’m not gonna explain that much LOL. i had my army bomb ready, my binocular on my neck, my phone on my other hand and my voice on full volume to cheer my babies. when idol came i thought i was gonna have a heart attack LMAO. i quickly grabbed my binocular and damn they don’t look real. they’re too perfect to look real OJO angels indeed.

be careful of your neighbors when your cheering, you might not notice your hitting them. as namjoon say, be mindful of your neighbors so everyone can enjoy the show :)

also, stay hydrated! i drink water from time to time so my throat wouldn’t be that dry.

some of my fancams: (shameless promo heh)

https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLBdJOY1NfAvoakzAY3CnQmofro6O9x9ME

AFTER THE SHOW

i was a lil sad when the show ended but it was literally the best night of my life. i knew i had to deal with pcd (post concert depression) after but i just stayed happy throughout the night even after the show. jaja and i went out the stadium and got an uber ride. i was thankful cause even if its late they were still uber drivers around there.

HOME

when i got home my dad was waiting at the parking and he greeted me happily. he asked about my experience and the merchs i bought and i quickly told him about the overall experience. he told me he was happy cause i got to be really genuine happy for once in my life and i’m glad he supports me regarding my fangirling life. after i showed him the merchs and videos i went to my room and THAT’S WHEN I REALLY REALIZE ITS ALL OVER NOW TT. i got emotional but i didn’t really cry. i can’t cry cause i still have work the next day LMFAO i don’t want my eyes to be puffy af. work was ok the next day. i was a little blank but good thing it wasn’t that busy at work but i feel really tired.

OVERALL, the concert experience was truly amazing. words weren’t enough to describe how amazing it was. if only i can time travel i would repeat it without a doubt but of course, life must go on. the only thing that sucks is that you have to deal with PCD but i believe everyone will carry on. i hope every army will get to experience bts concerts atleast once cause believe me sis, its really an amazing experience and you only live once~

#concert #bts #experience #oakland #loveyourselftour

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i-can-be-king-again · 3 years

Text

Has the person you like ever seen you in your pajamas? Nope

Did the last person you kissed celebrate your last birthday with you? No, that person dumped me a couple years ago and we stopped talking after a while

What’s the first word of the last text message you received? “okay”

Do you think you’ve changed at all over the past year? I’m being less of a pushover than I've been before and being less of a perfectionist in front of ppl

Is there a song that reminds you of your ex? Do you still listen to that song? “In my head” by Ariana Grande, I listen to it sometimes to remind myself that I'm better off without them

Did you tag anyone in your last Facebook status? I don’t use Facebook as much anymore

How do you behave when you’re drunk? Never been drunk, but I was super tense when I was buzzed lol

What is your least favorite type of chocolate? White chocolate, it makes my stomach hurt lol

When was the last time you felt disappointed? What was the reason? Last week when I felt like I'm not improving in my self defense class, but I'm always disappointed in that lol

Is there someone that can make you smile, even when you feel like crying? There’s a couple people that can

Is there a certain person on your mind right now? Tell me about him/her. My boyfriend

You’re getting ready to go to bed, and the last person you kissed shows up, what do you do? Tell them to get tf out my house lol

What was your last thought before you went to bed last night? I’m so goddamn lonely lol

Do you think someone is thinking about you right now? Probably not

Are you okay right now? I’m never ok tbh lol

What time did you get up today? around 8:30 am

When was the last time you saw your mom? As of writing this right now, about 10 minutes ago

What is the last thing you drank today? Water

Do you dislike/hate anyone? Trump, my self defense teacher, and this stupid guy in my self defense class

Where is your best friend right now? Probably at home

When will your next kiss be? I’m not going to predict that because I don’t want to jinx the possibility lol

Will you be up before 7 am tomorrow? Hell no lol

Does anyone completely understand you? My therapist, I think

Who was the last girl you hugged outside of family? A couple years ago I think

Have you held hands with somebody in the past three days? No

What will you be doing in 3 hours? Playing games

How often do you straighten your hair? I already have straight hair so I don’t need to do that

What are you currently looking forward to? This stupid pandemic and trump’s presidency to be over

Is tomorrow gonna be a good day? What are you going to do? Probably not lol, mostly waste time

Who did you last hang out with? The person I'm dating(?) at the moment

Did anyone see your last kiss? Nope

Could things possibly get any better? I hope so ugh

Do you know who you’ll even kiss next? I have no clue!

Do you ever sleep in jeans? No, that sounds really uncomfortable

Name something you dislike about the day you’re having? Anxiety and lack of sleep

Did you get a full 8 hours of sleep last night? No

Are you in love lately? No

How often do you see your ex? Never, thank god lol

Who was the last person to text you? My friend

Did you like anyone last summer? Not really

Do you replay things that have happened in your head? All the time!

Who was the last person you stayed up with till 2am? My friend

Do you want a boyfriend or girlfriend? yes!! I’m fine with either one lol

Are you currently in a relationship? Nope

Do you use a full length mirror daily? Rarely

Would you be shocked if the person you have feelings for texted you? No

Is there anyone you wish you could fix things with? Not really

What are you planning on doing after this? Probably play some games

Is there a girl you would do anything for? Yep!

Who IMed you on facebook last? An old classmate from college

How old are you? 27

Do you love dogs? I love them!!

Were you finished childhood and teens when Harry Potter movies came out? No, they started coming out when I was in elementary school

Did you keep all your VHS tapes? Some of them yeah

Do you think Jack Nicholson is a good actor? Yeah I think so

Have you ever watched an episode of “The Honeymooners”? No

Have you ever owned a pair of high-top Converse? No

Do you have rain boots with a cute pattern on them? I don’t own any rainbows lol

Would you rather eat an apple or an orange right now? Orange

Would you rather do a cartwheel on land or a backflip in water? Cartwheel

Have you ever performed on stage in front of people? Not performed, but one time I saw a comedian at a small venue and they had me come up on stage with him to be his “personal assistant” because I looked super young for my age, it was really fun lmao

Were you kinda scared of the goths in high school? Not scared, but mostly intimidated lol

What size is your mattress?(single,twin,double,queen,king) Full size

Do you eat foods from all 4 food groups everyday? I don’t eat meat so no lol

Do you sleep in PJs? Yes

Do you prefer watching TV or listening to music? I’m ok with either one

Would you rather watch a movie in theatre or at home? Depends on the movie I'm seeing in the theater

Do you prefer brown or white rice? Brown

Do you like spaghetti? Spaghetti is pretty good

What about lasagna? Lasagna is pretty good too

Do you celebrate Christmas? Sort of

Is your Thanksgiving celebrated in October too? No..? I've never heard of that tf lol

Do you like chocolate bars? Not really, I like chocolate in other forms lol

what about ice cream? nah, it hurts my teeth when I eat it

Have you ever been stung by anything? What was it? Mostly mosquitoes lol

Do you get tired easily? Sometimes

Or do you always have plenty of energy to spare? Never lol

Have you ever done volunteer work? Where? I volunteered to help office workers at red cross What about court-ordered community service? No

Have you ever worn contacts?(even just to try them out) I tried but they were too hard to take out and they were uncomfortable

Would you wear contacts on a daily basis? yes if they were easier to take out lol

Are your ears pierced? How many times? Nope

Do you have GOD-GIVEN(not dyed) natural brown hair too? I have natural brown hair but from genetics lol

Or were you born blonde? No

Have you found a gray hair on your head or body before? Not yet lol

Have you ever had any suspicious moles removed? Nope

Have you ever been screened for STDs? No

Are all your wisdom teeth pulled? not yet

Did you have your tonsils taken out? No

Did you have your appendix taken out? No

How many kidneys do you have?(have you donated one?) I have both of them

Would you(to save someone)?^^^ If it’s a close family member yeah

Have you ever found a bug or slug in your salad? no thank god

Do you like Harry Potter? not really

What about Twilight? I liked it when I was younger, but not now How do you feel about Lord of the rings? It’s kind of boring lol

Are you going to see ‘The Hobbit’ when it comes out? I saw, it was ok

Do you have a glass that says ‘Molson Canadian’ on it? No

Do you have any collector’s glasses or cups or mugs? Nope

Would you rather have a white fridge or a black fridge or a stainless steel fridge? Stainless steel

What size shoe do you wear? 7-7.5 womens

Do you have a wide foot or a narrow foot or just average? Narrow

Do you bite your nails when you’re stressed? No

Do you have to take an allergy pill daily in order to live normally? No

Are you on the birth control pill? No

Or are you trying to get pregnant? I’m trying not to get pregnant, but I use condoms instead

You’d rather wear black sneakers or sneakers in a bright color or pattern? black sneakers

Has anyone ever told you they were attracted to you? Yes

Can you swim well in water way above your head? yep

Are you afraid of thunder & lightening? No, I love them lol

Have you ever experienced an earthquake? yes

What about a tornado? No

Are you closer to your dad?(more so than your mom) I’m a lot closer to my mom

Were you your parents’ first born? Yes

Do you have a child? Is the father still with you? No

Did you trade stickers at recess when you were a kid? No

How old were you when you had your first crush? Do you remember their name? I think I was 10, I don’t remember their name

Can you even remember what the hell they looked like? Not at all lol

Have you ever operated any type of motorized vehicle before? A car

Are you going to drink alcohol tonight? Nope

Have you ever heard of the Canadian kids show called “Mr. Dressup”? No

What about the kids show “Fred Penner’s Place”? No

Did you hate Sesame Street when you were little too? I've never watched it so I can’t have a valid opinion of it

Were you born perfectly healthy or with some(or a lot) of health issues? I had semi severe stomach problems when I was a baby, and still have them now lol

Do you collect DVDs? Nah, I just rent them

Do you download music? Yes

Or do you still go to stores and buy CDs? No

Did you skip(jumo-rope) a lot as a kid? Sometimes

Did you ever catch any bugs or insects with your friends as a kid? roly polies and ladybugs

Didn’t you just LOVE art class in elementary school?! I don’t remember having an art class back then lol

Have you ever played dodgeball? Yes, I'm pretty good at dodging but not throwing

What about Red Rover? No

Have you ever played “What time is it mr. wolf?”? It sounds familiar but I don’t remember it

Do you hate your weight? I’m fine with it

Have you ever struggled with a mental illness? yes and still do lol

Serious question, peanut butter or nutella? Peanut butter

Have you ever stepped on a snail? yeah, on accident :/

Do you prefer baked potatoes or mashed potatoes? Mashed

Do you prefer ankle socks over regular socks? Ankle socks

Last movie you’ve seen in theaters? Sonic the hedgehog lmao

What is your oldest sibling’s middle name? I don’t know their middle name oops, I think it’s the same name as my dad though

Have you ever been to Disneyland or Disney World? Both

Would you ever go backpacking across any country? Nah, not interested

Would you prefer to travel around the world by yourself or with a friend? With a friend

Do you like breadsticks? Not really

Do you usually wear shorts around your house all year long? No, my house gets cold a lot

What state were you born in? California

Have you ever had a nose bleed? Never had one

How far away do you live from your birthplace? An hour maybe?

Do you have a weak stomach? yes, I hate it ugh

Do you know anybody who has been diagnosed with cancer? No

Have you ever had to take care of an intoxicated person? No

Have you ever considered becoming a lawyer? Not at all

Do you *really* like donuts? Hell yeah I do!

Do you think Disney World could ever get old? If I went there all the time, then yeah

If you could, would you hookup with the last person you texted? I don’t like hooking up with people :/

What are your favorite things to spend money on? Games, art supplies, clothes

Will you talk to the person you like on the phone tonight? Probably not

What do you usually order on a pizza? vegan cheese with veggies on it Do you and your boyfriend/girlfriend fight a lot? I don't have one 😭

Who’s the first person with the letter “m” in your contacts? My cousin

Which would you rather have a new puppy or kitten? Puppy!!!!!

How old will you be on your next birthday? 28 😱

What color are your underwear? That’s confidential information lmao

Do you ever feel self-conscious when you eat around other people? All the time, I always have to eat in an area with little to no people. It sucks

#personal #about me #survey

0 notes

rebelwith0utacause · 4 years

Note

I need help with eating better/ healthier. I struggle so much! Especially with PCOS, I wanna do nothing but stress eat 😕 I did pretty good today with not eating out for once

This is gonna be a long one sorry :/

Tbh I eat like shit. I don’t have issues with eating out because that was never my thing, but I tend to stress eat a lot of sugar, like my comfort food are endless amounts of chocolate bars and coffee/cocoa loaded with sugar. And the issue with this is that it’s a vicious cycle (dare I say addiction?) of sugar highs and lows that require even more sugar. Not to mention that I don’t really eat fruit & veggies.

I’ve wanted to clean up my diet for a while now (mainly because of PCOS) because I’ve realized that it really affects my mental health as well. I won’t say that I wouldn’t mind getting slimmer, but basically a healthier body leads to a healthier mind, so that’s my priority. This is like really important whenever you start because you need to be in the right mindset and honest with yourself about why you’re doing things. If I said that it was only because of how I look and how others perceive me, than I’d achieve nothing (because I honestly don’t care), but if I told myself that it was because I actually wanna have normal periods after 10 years of not having regular flow/wondering what tf did I did wrong to deserve this, then I actually have a clear and strong goal ahead of me.

It all started right before NYE 2018 (?) where I stumbled upon a Buzzfeed video about PCOS. I don’t really care much about these videos tbh, but something made me see the whole thing. I took it with a grain of salt, mainly because I don’t think you need to get out of your way with pills/exotic food etc to get better. But there was one part where one of them said something along the lines of “you can’t expect your body to produce enough lining and shed it if you don’t have enough nutrients in you” (don’t take my word on it, I only watched it once but it started a long process of realization). So basically there I was, stressing out about work and eating straight up sugar, no nutritional value whatsoever, just enough to help me fuel my body, wishing I could finally get my period. It’s been 3 months without one by that point.

Needless to say, 2018 came and passed, I didn’t do much, just let that info stew in my head. I stumbled upon 2 other videos about food intake and Native American diet, which further shed light on how my body processes food and how genes could have a lot to do with how my body processes certain foods. So that’s the most important part, educating yourself about how food works. I’m a major sucker for biology, so I realized that this was very important to me, to explain to myself and rationalize why I should eat sth and not eat another thing.

Late last summer was a weird time for me. Work was kicking my butt and my mental state was a mess because of it. I’d resort to sugar for literally anything, and when even that didn’t help, I reached out to cigarettes again (I’ve been clean for 3.5 years by then). My body desperately needed a change, and it wasn’t only about PCOS this time. Once again, I stumbled upon a video about some homesteaders starting up a diet (which for the life of me I can’t remember the name of) to “cleanse” their bodies from shitty food. Of course, I scoffed at this and to this day I think that that was a load of shit. What’s the point of doing something short term when you know you’re gonna be back on your bullshit in a month?

But it got me thinking; I have a lot of allergies and the reason why I don’t eat too many fruits and veggies is because I have mild allergic reactions to them. I’ve had the thought that maybe some of those reactions were due to the combo of the vegetable + food preservatives in other items, it’s happened in the past, so there was a chance. The thing about oral allergy syndrome is that you don't actually have a food allergy, but your body confuses the proteins (?) in some of those foods (especially when it’s picking season) as allergens of something you already have an allergy on because of their chemical structure and triggers a reaction. For example, I’m extremely allergic to birch, and (according to my doctor) my brain confuses nuts, tomatoes and onions as allergens, making my windpipe feel as if it’s closing up. Now I don’t know the science behind this, but eating tomatoes + pâté, or sometimes even those chocolate bars I’ve been having triggers the same reaction.

The culmination of 2 years of thinking about this, made me decide to eliminate anything that might be considered an allergen or a trigger for a month, and then slowly add them back into my life, one by one, so I can finally find out what works for me and what doesn’t. I quit sugar (all sorts, processed, honey, honey substitutes and sugar substitutes, I only allowed myself fruit), gluten (because I’ve read so many stories about PCOS and gluten being worst enemies so why the hell not), lactose (same as gluten), nuts (except cashews because I know that they don’t cause a reaction for me) and all processed foods (so no spreads, no ketchup & mayo, none of that vegan/vegetarian food because in most cases it had gluten, no chocolate).

I thought it would be so hard, because what will I do without sugar?? Turns out I really shouldn’t have worried. 2 days into eating greens and lean meat, a handful of roasted cashews along with a glass of OJ and a couple of apples, I got my first proper period after 4 months. 25 days later - same, 28, then 30, then, 31 days later too. I had completely reset my metabolism.

I thought I wouldn’t have energy, but it turns out, my caloric intake was below the line, and instead of storing all of those calories in the form of fat for the off chance I might need them, as it always does whenever you start eating less than normal, it actually turned towards the fat storage in my body and used it up. The difference is that in the first case, your body eats up muscle to get energy, and in the second it uses the fat. Fat is basically energy, so you can see why I was no longer feeling lethargic or why I could actually have the brain capacity to perform daily tasks.

After about a month and a half, I started reintroducing foods in my diet (because no matter how great I felt, I knew that I had a goal), basically telling me everything I already thought was true. Gluten & lactose are a no-no for PCOS, sugar should be out of the question, and processed food needs to be taken in small quantities.

If there’s anything you take away from my experience, I’d say that you should educate yourself on food and why we need it and what it does to our body. Once you see it from that perspective, it might help you make better food decisions. But don’t start before you’re mentally ready for it. Also, try to find a solution that works for you (I can’t stress enough how what works for me or someone else might not work for you, don’t be discouraged if it doesn’t), take everything you read/hear with a grain of salt, be a curious skeptic and whenever you have even the smallest indication that what you’re doing isn’t right, stop it altogether. The scale tips both ways and it’s so easy to go from one extreme to the other. Work with what you have, you don’t need to spend money on organic food or some exotic fruits or whatever. Get the cheapest fruits and veggies but make sure you reach for them instead of sweets and processed food. You don’t even have to make gourmet meals. You’re gonna stumble a few times, but trying is better than not doing anything (when it comes to PCOS). Hope this helps in any way. Good luck 💜

#i hope i'm making any sense because it took me hours again to write this #kept getting distracted by videos lol #tw food #tw ed #pcos #atlcalm #asks

0 notes

catastrothicc · 6 years

Text

one of these days i'll make a coherent intro post, however *bts vc* not today !! hello and welcome to johnny's world where we're shit @ introductions and even worse at consistency. honestly i cant stick to shit someone assist. anyways ! i bring the last piece of the puzzle rocky, who for some unfathomable reason wasn't taken ?? and i cried ?? fate. uh right i'm 19 and i never fkcing learned how to read. mdt timezone. them/they pronouns. continue under the read more to kill some brain cells !!

tw: physical and mental abuse/manipulation, drugs/alcohol and death/murder.

here's his soundtrack if u wanna listen while u read

DON'T DWELL ON THE PAST // ( i'm not even sure if i'm sticking to this [ looks @ admins nervously ] so things might change up if it doesn't fall w/ the right timeline. ) ( forgive the length the muse is real )

born on october 31st, 1995 ( happy halloween ) in deadtree, rocky was an entirely healthy baby received with much love by his mother and with some hesitance by his father. all he knew was how to shit and cry and life was a paradise, until eventually the months started rolling by that became three years and his mother was in a freak car accident that left her paralyzed from the waist down and with a bad case of major head trauma.

rocky still firmly believes that she woke up from her coma by god's will even if her basic executive function skills and self-regulations were gone. she had to be taken care of just like him, and the doctor's promised she'd learn to eat on her own again and her speech problems would regulate. this... did not happen. maybe it would've, if she had lived longer, but rocky never got to see the day when he didn't have to help his mom bathe or brush her hair.

his dad was the only source of income in the household besides his mom's monthly pension that the man would take and then disappear for days. he was bitter about having to raise rocky all on his own and even more bitter about the hefty hospital bills they were going to be paying off for the next several years. all the man wanted to do was laze about with a beer in his hand and a blunt in the other.

from early on he was prone to anger and it often manifested itself physically, so rocky would always have a bruise or two somewhere on his body. it was fine as long as the man wasn't hurting his mom, and he couldn't do anything else but accept the rough treatment.

he and his mom were becoming more and more neglected by his father, who only provided the bare minimum to eat and took his wife's pills for himself. rocky was already in school and he was that kid who always got off the bus running to get home. no one knew that he always ran to make sure his mom was okay while he was gone.

he was nine years old when his dad handed him a bottle of morphine and explained to him that the whole bottle would help his mom get a good night's sleep for once. rocky, knowing how much his mom struggled to rest, took the bottle and put each and every pill in his moms hand and watched her drink them until the last one. she did go to sleep, of course. rocky thought he'd done good until she didn't wake up the next morning.

he grew incredibly distant from his dad after this. he was already used to taking care of himself and his mom was the only reason he really bothered to make it home early, so after her death he got into every after-school activity he could manage, and when it wasn't enough, he ran around the streets with the older kids and pretended to be *cool*.

he started dabbling with the drug scene really early on in middle school, when he realized that his dad would never strive to be anything else but a piece of shit, so he decided to steal his pills and weed just like the man had stolen his mothers medication. he would sell them to his upperclassmen and never took any for himself because he saw what they could do, though eventually he did weed in high school and besides the occasional dose of ecstasy he doesn't do more than that.

one day, at age seventeen, he went home and his dad was gone. he waited for three weeks before he sold everything and fixed up a small abandoned house that became his new abode. with the cash he'd gotten from the car and the furniture he began growing his own hella dank nug, and eventually there was word on the streets about it. his dad had always been his unaware provider, but soon enough rocky joined a group as a dealer while selling his own stuff on the side.

he didn't want to follow under someone else so he got to the roots and offered the group's providers a better deal and eventually the business was going to him alone. people saw more opportunity with him and they flocked to his side one by one until he ran the original leader to the ground. honestly this kid was hella good in school and just as good in the streets.

of course it didn't happen without a fight tho so talk about several near-death experiences !! the streets are dangerous children stay in school.

fast forward, he had what he intensely regrets with elaine-- honestly had a good time dating a rich ‘good’ girl until he got real bad vibes from her and it wasn't chill anymore. felt real personally attacked that she was ashamed of him and broke it tf off. fuck a fake bitch !!

( me: plays hero by enrique iglesias for this section ) and then shiloh came ! his lord and savior. his fkcing BAE. would do ANYTHING for this boy is2g makes me so emo i'm shAKING just thinking about it. rocky truly believes this boy is his soul mate. he loves him so much oh my godfjsdh.

at this point his drug ring wasn't at all what it is now. it was relatively small and the profits weren't all that good but he was doing what he could. he had steady members who had been with him since the start and shiloh became an addition along with his best girl giselle and (eventually) barbara. honestly the dream squad nothing could stop them they were invisible. unfortunately there was a snake in their ranks and goddamn he's glad she showed herself honestly good fucking riddance barbie. he felt real betrayed after she left but if anything he thinks it made his crew tighter and stronger. still hates tht bitch tho afTER EVERYTGIH HE DID FOR HER.

( to be 10/10 honest tho rocky is a manipulative bastard and he thinks he's real slick but barbie caught on and he feels extremely attackt )

anyways so knowing that shiloh and giselle are his tru ride or die pals ( 👀 @ giselle ) the business continues and they're still the dream squad. sure they're doing shady af things and they've always been doing them but u kno what they say there ain't no rest for the wicked !!

he didn't at all like the fact tht shiloh pursued an internship w/ the mulani family but he tried to keep it chill because he loves and supports his bae but honestly could not do it. he doesn't personally pay too many visits to sycamore city precisely bc he goddamn loathes the mulani and moon families after all they've done to his people ( esp the moon’s ) and to think shiloh was getting involved w/ them really tested him as a person. he fcking failed because of how much shiloh wanted a pass into the city and rocky held him back but he's so goddamn proud of their love like damn. he knows he doesn't offer everything shiloh wants but he's out here tryin' his best to get his bae the life he deserves even if he's the worst street rat and everybody knows it.

( what is he secretly doing w/ all tht money tho hmmm )

BABY RIDE WITH ME // in regards to the *gollum vc* precious ( the ring )

just so the squad and ex-squad can get a feel of how rocky runs the ring i'm includin' this here

so rocky makes it a point to be an approachable leader whom you can go to with your problems and he'll have your back 100%. honestly everyone's dad there's no one left out. he keeps his status as the leader not by cruel acts to show what happens to rats but by making sure he's understood by each individual member. he's not the violent type at all unless someone really tests him but this guy preaches that people understand by words and acts of kindness not by violence and torture. he needs loyalty above all else so he offers a safe sanctuary to anyone who needs it. it comes with a price ofc but all he asks is that u do ur job and he'll keep u off the streets. basically in his group everyone has each other's backs and he's involved with everyone, not only because it helps him keep close tabs on everything but because that blanket of safety for his members is very important to him.

when it comes to his dealers he basically lets them do things their own way as long as they're not out there hurting innocent people. he pays by commission so it's really up to the dealers how much they wanna sell and who they wanna sell it to. he doesn't force his own morals onto his peeps so if they wanna sell to junkies who are gonna overdose on their next hit then that's really up to them. he just tries to guide them by telling em' the right things to do even in a shady business like their own.

w/ that being said shiloh is also a huge part of it, being his right hand man and all. rocky isn't all too meticulous or anything fancy like that, so he leaves a lot of decisions up to shiloh and honestly they're both huge dads just running a drug ring fjsiudhfgi

HE KNOWS HE'S SO FUCKING TALENTED // regarding his personality

rocky is a cocky piece of shit honestly i hate it but best concept

he genuinely thinks so highly of himself ?? even though he knows he's up to Some Shit ??

anyways i just wanted to mention that LMAO but find his full list of attributes here that i jst ctrl c ctrl v from the app. honestly will tell u all about his personality. thanks for reading this long ass, terribly structured, shitty shitty intro honestly u.... deserve a medal if u got thru it. is it too late to mention tht english is not my first language fhsuidfh

#pc.intro #⦁ — › OwO ᴡʜᴀᴛ's ᴛʜɪs? — ⌜ ᴏᴏᴄ ⌟#( IFROGOT THE INTRO TAG )#( anyways )#( highkey so happy to be here sehfdiufh )

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flameontheotherside · 7 years

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The Soul Mate and Twin Flame Confusion

This is a subject I’ve become very passionate about since working with Erik.

Its really bothersome to see people get hurt over a relationship they believe to be their twin flame when they are more than likely in a relationship with a soul mate or kindred spirit. We have many but ONE twin flame!

“Oooooh why is my TF running from me?” “Learn how to summon your TF with this kit. Only for $99.” “OoooOOOooooh my TF____” “Ooooh can you tell me when my TF will be back?” “ Get your TF spell book for $99 plus shipping and handling”

… Fucking dumb as shit. Sorry. (-_-’) I just get so excited about it.

Everyone seems to be so gung-ho about TFs like it’s a matter of life and death! Chill guys it will happen when you least expect it. Worry isnt going to lead you to your TF. It’s like okay… By living in “lack thereof” you are putting it out there in the ethers. So you will not attract your TF to you. You’re actually attracting is a soul mate or some asshole and the drama that comes with it! So is worry helpful? No! That’s why you can’t find “the one” your “other half”.

I can respect an article that says “one of your soul mates” or “TF guided meditation”

Hell even I did too! I thought for a while that my bf was sort of like a TF. Turns out he is a kindred spirit serving as a “false twin”. A false twin is someone your real twin has lead you to test the waters so to speak. Since he’s “dead” the best thing close to him is my bf. Using him as an example, we are very much alike generally speaking. Yet he’s nothing like Erik. Far far from it even when he was alive.

Often times you will date someone who will display some characteristics of a TF (not your real TF specifically and to the T) it doesn’t mean they are your TF. So because your TF is in spirit, you are without realizing it looking for your TF not knowing these people are actually your kindred spirit or soul mate. So I guess that’s where the confusion comes from.

Again using my bf and I as an example. I wasn’t immediately attracted to him. We don’t have telepathy but we know each other so well over the past five years. In a long term relationship that’s what happens. Even in short term. But that’s not telepathy. I now know what telepathy really is when I talk to Erik. When we met (my bf and I) it was like not time has passed between us so we hit it off pretty well.

I’ve had a dream we were indigenous tribes traveling from the north pole or something like that. It was very cold and icy. Had that dream a few times actually and in one of them I recognized my bf to be the one to kill me. So we argue and fight very often and I always felt a need to protect myself. We don’t necessarily feel a deep spiritual connection and he thinks what I do displays how crazy I am. (Thanks for the support asshole.) We are not “running” or “chasing” we just have a rather dysfunctional relationship overall but we try to make it work. I may not love him the same but I love him enough that I don’t really mind being with him for another 80 years lol. Call it complacency I guess?

I really hate those “signs and symptoms” articles because they are misleading and confusing people. People want to twist shit around and hear or read what they want. Kinda really sad.

That’s a hard pill for some people to swallow. Too bad!

The only legitimate way to connect with your TF I think is by meditation because more than likely they serve as a guide and vise versa. Even if they are earthly, you can and they will appear as long as you set the intention. You don’t need anything special. No wands or spells or any of that bullshit people try to sell you.

Even mediums and psychics get it all wrong! And you’d think they’d be on top and all over that shit. SURPRISE! Now this is just generally speaking. I’ve seen some shady ads offering soul mate readings. No… What people are really looking for is a TF!

Soul mates will not have telepathy or psychic connection between the two of them! That should be the ONLY indication and it’s what solidified my belief Erik is my twin flame and I was VERY skeptical he was. Now Im not saying you have to be like me but I advise you to take that into consideration!

Again it’s more likely that your TF serves as a guide. The only way to find out is meditation (unless there is another way I’m just saying). There is no “runner” or “chased” bullshit people love to be hung up on. You can’t run or hide from your TF in spirit. So many times it was hanging in the back of my mind that they exist, I just didn’t care for looking. Sure enough after Erik died all kinds of his visitations and all the “signs” were there. It was always swept under the rug. Every now and then I’d peak under it and leave it alone.

Hope I didn’t offend anyone. It wasn’t my intention. I can get a little bit “harsh” because I speak my mind and not afraid to be honest about my feelings. If you have anything to add or just want to yell at me for being a bitch, get at me. Door is always open!

📩Email: [email protected] 📲Facebook Messenger: MoniqueNonGrata 💻Skype: Moniku88Starr (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:・ﾟ✧Request a tarot 🔮 reading! 😉 First consultation is💯 free. 5$ after that.

Don’t forget to take a look at Erik’s blog ran by his amazing mom Dr Elise Medhus. Lots of stuff about his afterlife and shit. (◕‿◕)♡channelingerik.com

… And Youtube.com/user/drmedhus

(ﾉ´ヮ´)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧ 😉💕 As always, we thank you for stopping by!

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punkscowardschampions · 5 years

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Rio & Grace

Rio: Gracie! Can't tie either parental down so you're unlucky enough to be my first port of call Rio: If I come down this week (half term, right? God I feel old not knowing, ick!) how many of yous are gonna be about? Wanna catch all of you if I can Grace: I'm not surprised, Nico thinks mum's charger is the most fun thing EVER and you know dad still kicks it like he's at some 70s disco instead of a restaurant kitchen. So cringe! Grace: Iggy's took off in the van and Pablo's never here even when he is (ugh we get it, you're hanging shush) but everyone else maybe? Grace: Unless Junior's nerding it up idk Rio: Bless them, you'll miss them when you go Rio: Mum and Dad, the cats, only your faves and Nico is a little bitch 😂 Rio: Good enough for me! Sure enough I'll only hold any of yas down for a hot second regardless Rio: What've you been up to? Got any fun plans then? Grace: 😂 No way they're the worst and won't give me the chance Grace: Ask Janis they're always in her grill now she has a bf she can't ever peel herself off of Grace: Gurl you better make time for me! 😚 London's like another planet and I need that goss Grace: Gotta keep uploading that 🐰🐣 content Grace: but keeping it lowkey 👌 Rio: They're highkey nerds, tis true, least they give a shit, eh? 😘 Rio: Fucking knew it, sneaky bitch. I asked her at NYE and she said nah but I KNEW Rio: Ugh, gonna give her SO much shit when I come back 😂 Rio: Duh! My goss might not set the teenybop influencer world alight but think you'll be into it Rio: Also, got some lush bunny ears from work you can style up if you like, there's the content Rio: Very Ariana Grace: We're so blessed 🙏 Grace: OMFG THANK YOU 👏 she's such a lying bitch Grace: And they are so 😍💍💘 it's HONESTLY disgusting like I can't Grace: YAS 👑!! babes I knew I was missing you Grace: Such a mood Rio: 🙌 Rio: Steady on 😂 Fill me on the beef before I'm taking sides Rio: Can't roll like that babe 🙉 Rio: Is he a twat? I could barely get a look in, hot property with the whole fam that night not just Jan, like 😏 Rio: Right? My turn to THANK YOU 'cos all the other girls were raging after me lemme tell you, saying it reeked of misogyny and cheesy old school playboy Rio: Not educated in Hef paving the way for ladies being allowed to be sexual, ESP the sistas 💣💥 Rio: Its iconic, yeah? Like hush Grace: Honey not even! Now he's got her feeling the 💖 we all benefit Grace: Like from 💀 to 😍!! Grace: Here's the thing he's NICE!! 😮 How and who tf !! 😂 In THESE ends Grace: He's pimped my feed with his 📷 more that once. Lush! Grace: Trust her to find the one decent lad Grace: OMG how shaming! it's literally so on point I feel bad for how off they are. Beyond awkward Grace: 👯💜 Rio: Can't argue with that Rio: It'll be nice to see her happy Rio: All of yous Rio: Yeah, had noticed your new lad was off the feed Rio: Just not the one or do I need to crack skulls on YOUR behalf? Spill! 😘 Maybe Gus has had his 💔 Rio: Right? Not complaining when they were raking in the tips and looking fly doing it, this is why Vinnie listens to me and not them though so 💋 win win for me Grace: 🤞 Grace: UGH don't go there babe Grace: I'm off men rn 🙏 so you can relax Grace: Give Gus and Diego their time to shine 😂 Grace: OMG PLEASE say you can finally get me in sometime soon! 💋 Rio: Good girl 👍 Rio: Me too, more trouble than they're worth, and I'll always check what they're worth, feel me Rio: Love 'em 😂 I'd say they keep me sane but not with the shenanigans they still manage to get themselves into, nah lads Rio: You're old enough that I can vouch for you with him to get you in but Imma need to go out in Dubo with you first Rio: See how you handle your liquor, can't be risking the boss' license if you're gonna get #WGW 😏 Grace: I 100% swear down that D has a 💘 at his school but he's pulling a Jan over it so Grace: Yay! I'm buzzing Grace: Say when and I'll be on it Grace: The vibe looks EPIC in every insta it's 💕 Rio: Surely not! My babies! 😭 Rio: I've changed all ya nappies, it ain't right, I tell ya! 👵 Rio: Whenever you can pencil me in darling 💋 If you come back on the plane with me you'll only have to do the one back alone Rio: Unless you want to bring a mate but you've gotta vouch for them 'cos I don't know them enough to put my name on the line, they ain't my little sister 💛 Grace: 😂😂 I had to go full spa on him cos he was 🙎 and not vibing with the sheet masks he'd been stealing from me for WEEKS 😂😂 Grace: He's so 😍 for someone Grace: This is HAPPENING 👌 Mum'll say yes cos it's obvs for my mental health Grace: It's enough for collab our schedules tbh imagine trying to get the squad hooked up Rio: Aww! What a little sweetie! 😭 Giving me so much fodder to get 'em all with, yas gurl! 🙊 Rio: She defs knows the benefit of letting ya hair down and if she disagrees then she ain't our Muvva 👽 Rio: Same when I was your age, so many parties, so much time stretching ahead...ugh, hark at me Rio: Speaking of though, Pabs has managed to keep outta the drunk tanks since my last visit, yeah? 🙄 Chief Grace: I'd say go easy cos the acne is !! but where was mine was I was a 🍕 me and payback are bitches that have each other's backs like 😂 Grace: So welcome 💋 remember who treated you right hun 😚 Grace: Oh babe that's proper tragic 😂 Are you okay?! Grace: 🙄🙄 Grace: I'd lie to spare your feels but I can't even cos he is not forgiven! Fuck him truly Rio: Way harsh babe! Gotta share that knowledge and spot treatment 🙏 older sib duties ✌ you only gotta look out for them 3, feel MY pain when I wanna be a petty bitch please 😉😂 Rio: Clearly not, like...What tf am I like? 🙈 Rio: Still in the dog house then...I hope little miss tiny tits is too, seen her being snide on the 'gram Rio: we know she's no 😇 so as long as she's getting her share of the 💩 from you, I ain't judging on the Pabs score 👌 Grace: 😈 LMAO jks obvs I'm living for getting to flex like that Grace: Nobody else lets me near their face, their loss but still BOO Grace: Ugh yes cos he doesn't even see that he did me WRONG she was trying he's just an idiot and its like BOY NO Grace: Never learning them lessons Grace: 🚫 No worries there she's BEYOND cancelled 🚫 Grace: I hate that bitch Rio: That's why you gotta get them clients honey, just you wait, people will be BEGGIN' for your time and expertise 😘 Rio: Yeah, he's a fool in general though Rio: Not to say that ain't valid, 'cos 100% babe, but it wasn't personal, like Rio: Try to remember that 'cos he's not that boy, no matter what typa foolishness he's caught up in rn 😒 Rio: 👏 I like what I'm hearing, Gracie! So much growth! Rio: Here for it Grace: I feel you but also it's like idk it was personal to me cos she was my best friend and he knew that Grace: On some level idk Grace: Whatever I'm trying to be over it Grace: There's bigger 🐠 Rio: Fair Rio: Idk if he knows he knew...Mouthful Rio: Give him time and a chance, but that's it, sensible big sister said her piece on that, you're free to go on doing what you're doing 😜 Grace: Thanks 👑 Grace: Rio, I can forreal come to london right? Like you're not just shhing me Grace: I'm so done with this place atm Rio: Of course you can Rio: As long as the 'rents sign off on it, you can stay for as long as you like Rio: That's Dubo for ya...gets under your skin Rio: Anything else I can do, tho? Grace: 💜 Grace: Ugh it's just everything Grace: There's barely anything I can do Grace: Ignore me I'm a hormonal 👾 Rio: Have you had your B12 and folates checked? Billie and Edie were anaemic you should double-check 'cos that will have you feeling rough as Grace: 👼 You're adorbs Grace: Enough of my chatter anyway, how are you? Rio: 👀 okurr but we're coming back to this later Rio: 'cos I'm same old same old Rio: Nothing beyond the promised goss of London to report Rio: No boys, remember? Grace: 🙄🙄 Grace: Oh please you always have a boy Grace: Spill it Rio: 😨 Swear on my life, babe! Rio: Nothing and no one Grace: We're twinning then 💕 Grace: Do tell Janis 😂 Rio: Coming for ya brand Rio: Shameless 😏 like to think I could pass, not that old or having THAT crisis tho, jfc Grace: 👯💣🔥 Grace: You're flawless babe don't even stress Grace: when I'm your age I'll have to pray Rio: Aww, you doll, extra brownie points for boosting my ego 💋 Rio: What you chattin'?! We're all babes, lbr Grace: 😂 shhh avó be repping herself hard in me and no offence 👵 it's not goals 💔 lmao Grace: obrigado,... mas não, obrigado like she rocks it but she's also way old so Grace: the struggle is real 😂 Rio: You're mad gal Rio: don't be wasting your youth hating on what you'll miss Rio: though we all age like fine wine, avó paving the way 💣 Rio: Ma was onto something having us so young Grace: Don't let her hear you say that Grace: My ears are still ringing from her calling me out Rio: umm Rio: BISH YOU WHAT Grace: 🤷 No drama just Rio: You weren't on the pill? Or missed a day? Rio: We've all had the scare but I never got as far as needing to tell Mum Rio: You poor thing! 😨🙈 Grace: Well obvs that was my bad but she only made me die about a thousand times Grace: I survived Rio: Eeep! Rio: At least she didn't march you down the clinic in a shame cone like most would round here Grace: OMG like she made me go but my ootd was my own doing 🙏 Rio: Not so much as a high collar in sight 🙌 Rio: Explains your hormones though, babe, that shit will FUCK you up for ages Rio: so no worries there Grace: I know exactly what I'm in for Grace: Ugh Rio: Forreals Rio: Who'd be a fucking woman, eh? Grace: Mia. To fuck over the others Grace: kms Rio: 😂 Rio: Fueled by her PMS that one Grace: [Sends her 2 very similar selfies} which one do you vibe the most with? Rio: 1st one, s'more natural Rio: smile ALMOST reaches your eyes Grace: lmao Grace: Thanks babes Rio: if you gonna fake it 'til you make it Rio: gotta keep you the realest, ain't I? 😉 Grace: gotta keep me 😂 Rio: Wanna Rio: Blood ties aside 😘 Grace: 💜 Rio: Best get ready for work Rio: Could use you here to do my look for me, cba tonight 😐 blah Grace: I'd be living for that you know it but you'll be killing it with or without me, honey Grace: You got this gurl Rio: Cheers 🍸 Rio: I'll get the first round in when I see ya boo 💋 Grace: Yay! So excited 😚

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i-amusemyself · 7 years

Note

All 100 Questions.

Bloody hell okay thank you!!! 😄😄😄

1. Is a kiss considered cheating?Yeah, Id say so.

2. Have you ever faked orgasm?Aint never had anyone to fake it with 😂 Ngl tho its the sort of thing id do (which is terrible i know)

3. If you could have one super power, what would it be?Mind reading.

4. Do you think youre gonna be rich in 7-8-9 years?I’d be worried if I didnt have more money than I have now, but idk.

5. Tell us some funny drunk story?Oh jeez erm, I don’t really have any 😂 My friends occasionally remind me of the time at the school christmas ball one of the business teachers turned up and I quickly ran away while aggressively whispering “oh no he knows im a lesbian, aimee told him”.

6. Why are you no longer together with your ex?We work better as friends, its less stressful.

7. If you had to choose one way to die what would it be?See I’m really torn with this question. Part of me thinks itd be nice just to go in my sleep, with a heart attack or something. Its quick and painless you know.But equally I wonder if it would be better to maybe, like, have something where I knew I was gonna die. Because then I’d have time to try and do everything on my bucket list and say goodbye to everyone. Also maybe at that point I’d welcome death lmao.

8. What are your current goals?Idk? Im waiting on A level results which I really hope I’ve done well in.I hope to make lots of new friends at uni and learn how to look after myself quickly I guess. I dont know.

9. Do you like someone?I like a lot of people 😆

10. Who was the last person to disappoint you?Im really not sure??? There arent many people I expect anything from and even then my standards are pretty low. So like, I dont really get disappointed by people, only occasionally by situations.

11. Do you like your body?I could hate it a lot more, but I wouldnt say I’m happy with my body or general appearance. I struggle a lot with my features and my weight and the scars I have (which is ridiculous but thats what mental illness is)

12. Can you keep a diet?I mean if I wasnt on the diet im on rn (with lots of restrictions) id probs be in hospital 😂

13. If the whole world was listening to you right now, what would you say?Honestly id pass out under the pressure of it 😂 idk, id tell them all to take a chill pill but no one would listen.

14. Do you work?Nah, i had 3 jobs at once last yeah but now I’ve ended up with none.

15. If you could choose only one food to eat for the rest of your life what would it be?Either garlic bread or chocolate I cant decide!

16. Would you get a tattoo?I’m v much planning on getting one in the near future so yh!!

17. Something you dont mind spending all your money on?Plane tickets.

18. Can you drive?Yeah! I havent driven since I passed my test, but hopefully I havent forgotten how to that quickly!

19. When was the last time someone told you youre beautiful?…I cant remember. Thats depressing (not that I blame them).

20. What was the last thing you cried for?Argh I have no idea why I was crying, my brain just wasnt doing its job so everything made me stressed and sad.

21. Do you keep a journal?I keep a blog for diary posts but besides that nah

22. Is life fun?If you allow it to be, yeah

23. Is farting in front of people irrelevant?Tf is that supposed to mean? I guess if you know the person well it is.

24. Whats your dream car?I dont know about Dream Car, id have to research it loads to decide what my absolute fave it. Although rn I’d really love a ‘67 VW beetle bc theyre small and cheap on insurance 😂

25. Are grades in school important?My own grades are super important to me, (to the point its probably unhealthy) but in terms of how the people around me do, it doesnt really matter to me. I mean, I want everyone to do well, but I dont judge people based on it.

26. Describe your crush.She’s funny and all around awesome and interesting and good at deep convos and beautiful and way out of my league.

27. What was the last book/movie that really impressed you?The last one I read called The Bell Jar. It was unlike anything I’ve ever read and made me think about a lot of things. Also I related a lot with the main character.

28. What was your last lie?Eh, probably “im fine”.

29. Dumbest lie you ever told?Idk?? I only keep track of the good lies 😉

30. Is crying in front of people embarrasing?It shouldnt be but yeah, I try my best not to.

31. Something you did and are proud of?Umm, idk im p proud of playing basketball and representing my region/training with england. But i quit that so 👏 dicks out for my regrettable decisions 👏

32. Whats your favourite cocktail?Never had one

33. Something you are good at?Annoying people and being clingy 😂 also maths ig

34. Do you like small kids?It depends on the child, the day of the week, the lunar cycle, my menstrual cycle, how hungry I am…Yh legit sometimes I hate them sometimes I love them.

35. How are you feeling right now?Great omg I just got my best friend to watch mamma mia and now shes high on life next to me.

36. What would you name your daughter/son?🤐 there are a couple of names for girls I like and like 2 boys names? But i dont wanna say bc theyre embarrasing.

37. What do you need to be happy?Good company, good food and possibly music.

38. Is there someone you want to punch in the face right now?Theres always at least 3 people I would love to punch 😂

39. What was the last gift you recieved?My best friend got me a necklace and I almost cried its so beautiful

40. What was the last gift you gave?The gift of my company @only-slightly-dangerous 😉😉😉

41. What was the last concert you went to?I went to to see Amber Run in february

42. Favourite place to shop at?Um, as in shop? A place called blue banana probs (england’s hot topic smh)

43. Who inspires you?Kaitlyn Alexander bc they helped me to understand who I am and how I feel and to be loud and proud about it.And Luke Cutforth bc he’s so open about his mental health and struggles with self harm but hes so happy now.

44. How old were you when you first got drunk?18 lmao

45. How old were you when you first got high?It aint happened yet (and i dont really want it to)

46. How old were you when you first had sex?It aint happened yet smh

47. When was your first kiss?As far as im concerned never

48. Something you want to do until the end this year?What….does this mean….? Idk???

49. Is there something in the past you wish you hadnt done?It’s more stuff I wish I had done tbh. I suppose I said things I shouldnt have or got too involved in drama, but you kinda need all that secondary school shit to learn from it

50. Post a selfie.Lmao nah fam

51. Who are you most comfortable around?My best friend by a mile. Privacy who?

52. Name one thing that terrifies you.Abandonment without explanation.

53. What kind of books do you read?Anything non fiction about medicine/being a doctor/disease/psycopaths.Besides that whatever has been recommended.

54. What would you tell your 12 y/o self?1. Youre gay2. You and I both know you arent joking about being “a dude trapped in a girls body” stop laughing it off and confront it.3. Stand up for yourself.4. Chill out.5. Laugh a lot more omg

55. What is your favourite flower?It’s between petunias and roses

56. Any bad habits you have?Not answering peoples messages unless theyre Certain Person A or Certain Person B.

57. What kind of people are you attracted to?Ones that are out of my league and could kick my ass apparently. Also ones that are kind, listen and think a lot I guess

58. What was the last thing you cried for?Already answered

59. Is there something you dont eat? A food that truly disgusts you?I dont eat loads of stuff bc my guts hate me 😂 but besides all that I’m actually the worlds least picky eater. The only thing I dont like is raw tomato. Thats it.

60. Are you in love?I wish

61. Something you find romantic?All the clichés ngl 😂 just anything that says “i love you” or “i was thinking about you” really

62. How long was your longest relationship?Like 4 months? Barely long term.

63. What are 3 things that irritate you about the same sex?Oh jeez i hate these theyre so stereotype-y1. Bitching2. Not supporting each other3. ….?

64. What are 3 things that irritate you about the opposite sex?1. Not supporting each other2. Massive egos3. Yelling

65. What are you saving money for?Uni so I dont starve to death!

66. How would you describe your bad side?Hmm, idk, it depends what someone did to get on my bad side. I’d say stubborn, bitter and angry tho usually.

67. Are you actually a good person? Why?I could be wrong but I think so long as someone has morally good intentions they are usually a good person, whether they always succeed or not. So yeah, I like to think I am.

68. What are you living for?My friends and the hope I have for my future.

69. Have you ever done anything illegal?Piracy? Thats it.

70. Do you like your money?….did I type this question wrong or??

71. Have you ever made someone feel bad about themselves intentionally?Okay, the honest answer? Yeah. When I was a lot younger and less mature and someone said something that hurt me, I tried to retaliate with equally hurtful comments. I like to think I wouldnt do that now.

72. Ever sent nudes?Lol no

73. Have you ever cheated on someone?Hell no

74. Favourite candy?All candy hates me 😂

75. Is there a blog you visit everyday or almost every day? Tag them.Yeah @oneshappyplace knows I regularly spam her with notes in search or Quality Memes (im so sorry)

76. Do you play any computer games? Whats ur fave?Nah, as if I have time 😂

77. Favourite TV series?Argh I canny choose? I love the IT Crowd, I love supernatural, I love Sherlock, I love in the flesh…

78. Are you religious? Does God exist?I’m not religious and personally I don’t believe there’s a god or higher power but I could be wrong.

79. What was the last book you read? Did it impress you and why?The Bell Jar. See 27.

80. What do you think about vegetarians and veganism?I respect it I guess? At one point I was p much a vegetarian until I had to restrict my diet sooo. Tho I could never be one now, let alone a vegan.

81. How long have you been on tumblr?Too long 😂😂😂 Like 3 or 4 years?

82. Do you like chinese food?Love it!

83. McDonalds or Subway?(Never been to subway so) McDonalds.

84. Vodka or Whisky?(Never had whisky so) Vodka.

85. Alcohol or Drugs?(Never had drugs so) Alcohol.

86. Ever been out of your country?I’m currently in the USA so yeah 😂

87. Meaning behind your blog name?It’s p self explanatory and also v true

88. What are you scared of?Abandonment, deep water, knives, toys with battery packs.

89. Last time you were insulted?Ugh, probs like when I met up with a load of school friends for our leaver’s ball.

90. Most traumatic experience?I’d rather not answer that lmao (plus itd take a long time to type)

91. Perfect date idea?Chilling and listening to each other’s favourite songs while coexisting and eating fast food 😂 that or ikea ngl

92. Favourite app on your phone?Tumblr. Even though I hate it, it also keeps me sane.

93. What colour are the walls in your room?White and blue.

94. Do you watch youtube? Who is your favourite youtuber?I love so many youtubers omg. Lukeisnotsexy, mileschronicles, realisticallysaying and filthy frank are faves

95. Share your favourite quote.Pick your fights.

96. What is the meaning of life?To live life to the fullest so youre happy and have minimal regrets. Also to be kind and helpful so even if you dont change the world you might help someone else to.

97. Do you like horror movies?I think….? But I’m not good at watching them alone 😂

98. Have you ever made your mum cry? What happened?Eh…again, would rather not answer (we got some nice supressed memories here)

99. Do you feel lucky or special in any way?I’m still totally in awe of how lucky I am to have met my best friend from 3000 miles away. Like, the probability of it was so so slim and yet here we are.

100. Can you keep a secret?I think so yh! It’s something that I consider super important.

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couldnt-think-of-a-funny-name · 7 years

Text

- so okay usually any form of painkillers knocks me tf out, and yesterday I had to take two pills (DRY, mind you) in the middle of rehearsal because of my cramps. I have never struggled to keep my eyes open so hard before. Successfully didn’t fall asleep on the job but like. Was it worth it?

- I entered the theater to find it filled with smoke and screaming children

- Upon simply smelling the air I realized it was just the fog machine, but try telling that to 60 some odd yelling kids

- Also it wasn’t hooked up properly or something so like for the entire rehearsal it just...periodically went off. Stoner/Shooter Kid kept telling everyone the machine used harmful gases.

- Early on Tom, after fixing something, heavily threw himself back down in his chair and just said “I hate.”

- “This in general?”

- “I just....I just...I hate.”

- “I feel.”

- THE M I C S

- Okay so first catastrophe: Some of the random interns or whatever offered to help me put the mics on the kids, but they barely knew how to do it and GAVE ALMOST EVERYONE THE WRONG MIC

- And then they just. Continued to get worse.

- Cogsworth’s mic was fucking possessed by Satan himself holy shit I was working the sound board again and it was blaring red even when it was turned off????

- Some of them didn’t make any noise despite the fact they were fresh batteries

- Tom’s worried he’s gonna have to give back all the mics he rented and get new ones omfg. The show is on Friday by the way so like??? Yike

- Maurice is unintentionally the funniest one in the show like the kid is terrible but there’s something so cute about how bad he is you just wanna laugh and smile fondly at him when he goes ‘ahhh!’

- I finally paid attention to the lyrics to “Me”...too many sex jokes for the children's version I’m YELLING I’ve seen censorship to the extreme on some shows omfg how did this slip by

- Like the song is hilarious but the kids are like 12/13 at the most lmao

- Tom went backstage to yell at the kids for being too loud exactly 10 times oh my God

- They wouldn’t STOP

- “Lumiere it’s the 18th century and you’re a candle, why do you have a phone on stage?”

- Belle barely knows her lines rip

- Bc of the casting we basically now have confirmation that all of the servants in the Beast’s castle are lesbians and the kids are really playing up the flirting in the last scene lmao

- The Beast is like??? Not threatening in the slightest??? And it’s not even cause it’s a little kid playing him like. The musical version just kinda makes Belle seem like a bitch tbh.

- There’s literally one part where she’s getting a tour of the castle and she’s like “Oh, Lumiere, Cogsworth, it’s so wonderful! If only he weren’t here-” Like!!!! Bitch!!!! If only he weren’t here in his own damn house?!?! You’ve been there for literally a DAY. You’ve had exactly two conversations with him! Both times he actually tried to be polite!!! What the fuck!!!

- Sorry like that BUGS me. This has never been my favorite story for a multitude of reasons but that line is like...why

- So the music director guy left half way through again??? Only this time no one showed up to replace him so all the kids started singing acapella. Important note: I thought they were bad singers before I heard them go off music. Holy shit.

- Except like??? During the “Gaston” number, when Gaston’s actor just jumped off stage, ran to the keyboard and played his own music omfg

- But then half way through he remembered he’s part of the dance break so he ran back onstage, but then none of the kids could remember the beats without the music,

- So I’m like “Tom. Save them!” and he’s going “I’LL SAVE THIS SONG!” And runs down to the stage to remind them how to count while everyone else sitting in the audience is just doing “DA DA DA DA DA DA” to the tune of the music RIP

- It was just...Just such a Production(tm)

- The director froze the rehearsal and called all the kids onstage to yell at them for like 15 minutes because someone “did something unkind” to one of the parents that are helping out backstage??? I wanna fucking know what happened???? Why’d she have to be vague omfg give me the details

- Joked briefly about the upcoming In The Whites(tm) with Steven, the palest boy I know

- The wolves conceptually don’t make sense like...it’s just three little girls but their costumes are non-existent lmao one girls in one of those polar bear sweatshirts with the ears, another girl is in all black with orange cat ears headband, and the other one literally just isn’t even trying omfg she’s just on all fours looking like a person lmao

- Tom, to his laptop: “Why are you turning off? I told you to turn off never!”

- Much more that I’m forgetting from sheer exhaustion.

- Tonight is their last rehearsal before the show...rip in peace

#gonna die probably #batb vagueblogging 2k17 #molly mumbles #help

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