#“just as the tieflings were” jesus | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

anxiteyandsleep · 2 months

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I'm so sorry if I made you flustered about the smut question- didn't mean to! 🫢🫣😆

Okay so I'm gonna try and request this: 🙏

Could I please request Thranduil x Male reader who's this tall and buffed tiefling (big horns, long strong tail) who looks scary asf but is actually a total sweetheart? He only looks intimidating bc he's always wearing his armor, covers his face with a cloth/a mask, has dark makeup around his eyes and basically looks like a fricking demon?

He wears a cloth/a mask around his mouth bc he has a big open scar on his cheek (naaah nothing too graphic he just can do this trick with food where when you're facing his healthy side he sticks a carrot into the opening (scar) on the other side and chews without even opening his lips- totally normal- he did it in front of Legolas once and that poor child didn't sleep for a week). He's not ashamed of it, he just doesn't like the stares.

Even tho I'm as old as the first LOTR movie I only just now became a fan and I saw that Thranduil has an injury on his face as well (but hidden) so that got me thinking...

Maybe reader and Thranduil are a couple (reader was treated badly for being a barbarian tiefling -> not by Thranduil <- but proved himself when he saved him) and he then made reader his personal guard, became friends and then lovers.

Thranduil is curious about reader hiding his face but never pushes him to uncover himself (Like why are you hidding yourself from me hmm? Why don't you kiss me? Your other facial features are gorgeous asf, for a tiefling barbarian who rips goblins in half with his bare hands you could even compete with some elves I know-).

One day Thranduil has some issues with his own injury which reader sees and comes to his aid, Thranduil is embarrassed and nearly breaks down, tears fill his eyes bc his love saw his hideous face and is afraid he will leave him (god I'm so bad at romance bro) but reader just chuckles, takes the cloth/mask from his face and shows Thranduil his own injury.

Now they both have scars! They know each other struggles! And they love each other like never before! Happy ending- No but really, angst with fluffy comfort for our two boys and mainly for the elf himself, he needs the love.

Maybe even emotional way back to their shared bedroom by sunset all lovely dovely bc why dafuq not- just Thranduil giggling kicking his feet and twirling his hair as he's princess carried-

Jesus...I got way too into this. 🤣🤣🤣🤣

Sorry for it being so long, I honestly don't know how to write short requests...also sorry for any mistakes, english is my second language.

Add something, remove something, it's up to you. You don't even have to write it if you hate it or you're not comfy with it. 😘😘

This is adorable ahhh and dw you didn't make me embarrassed or anything! I may have missed some details, this was written over the course of multiple days with very little sleep😭

I included my head canon that Thranduil is blind in his one eye from the dragon fire, as well as that when low on energy he can't keep the disguise up.

Slight TW for blood, scars and such???

It has been almost a year since you and Thranduil had started dating, you were his personal guard and beloved boyfriend, he adored you so much. He never knew why you hid your face but he didn't pry, especially considering he hides his face in a way too.

Thranduil had always been impressed by you, a strong tiefling with a kind soul, much like a gentle giant. Sure you were rather... Gruesome in battle, using your bare hands to fight and always returning covered in blood and gore. It was truly terrifying but Thranduil loved it, especially after you had saved him from a spider attack.

Today, however, Thranduil was hiding away from his beloved barbarian, tucked away in his room with nothing but a small candle dimly lighting the room. He had overworked himself again, his head was aching and he had no energy left to maintain his disguise, the burnt skin and muscle visible, a sight he despised.

When you heard that Thranduil was taking the day off and locked himself in his room, you grew worried. He's never done that before, usually on his days off he spends them with you, taking a walk through the garden or getting some much needed sleep. So of course you immediately went to check on him, making your way to your shared bedroom.

"Thranduil? Are you alright? I heard the guards say you weren't feeling well and I-" you fell silent as you entered the bedroom, squinting as you adjusted to the dim light but you knew exactly what you saw. You never knew Thranduil had such a scar, it covered the left half of his face and his eye was completely white.

Thranduil had to turn his head completely to actually see you, quickly attempting to cover up the scar but alas, he couldn't manage to use his magic in such a state. He never wanted you to see this side or him, he wanted to keep this horrid scar hidden from you.

"(Name)... What... What are you doing here? Shouldn't you be on patrol?" He managed to get out, clearing his throat and doing his best to speak in his usual tone but his voice still sounded shaky. Perhaps if he didn't bring attention to the scar, you would just ignore it as well

"I just got back, my love..." You replied, slowly walking closer to Thranduil, head tilted slightly in curiosity as you examined the scar. When you reached the edge of the bed, you knelt down before him, resting your chin on his legs. "is that from the dragon you faced?"

Thranduil sighed softly, closing his eyes as he couldn't bare to look at you, afraid he'd see disgust in your eyes. "yes...I managed to survive but..." He vaguely gestured to the scar, shaking his head slightly. Thranduil finally opened his eyes again when he felt your strong hands holding his, the touch was so gentle and caring, he just had to see you.

The way you were looking at him surprised him, your eyes were full so of love and admiration, it made his heart swell.

"We kinda match" you hum in a soft whisper, reaching up to remove the mask you always wore and revealing your own scar. You weren't ashamed of it, you mostly hid it for everyone's comfort as the sight of your open cheek often made people uneasy and you hated the looks they'd give you.

it was now Thranduil's turn to stare in awe, one of his delicate hands reaching up to gently trace around the scar, his fingers soft and gentle as always. "hm I suppose we do, my love" he replied softly his hand trailing up to gently trace over your horns, following the pattern and ridges of them.

"forgive me for keeping this from you... I... I do not like people seeing me in such a state but I should've told you" Thranduil apologized, moving his hands back to gently cup your face, being careful to not disturb the scar

You couldn't help but chuckle a little, leaning into his touch while your tail wagged slightly. "there's no need to apologize, I kept a secret from you too"

Thranduil felt as if a huge weight was lifted from his shoulders, the stress slowly melting away as he held you in his hands. "Well now that we both have told the truth, how about we rest?" He whispered sweetly, leaning down to capture your lips in a tender kiss, one you eagerly returned.

Without breaking the kiss, you got off your knees, cradling the back of Thranduils neck with one of your hands. You kicked off your boots, accidentally sending one flying across the room but you didn't care. "a nap sounds good, yeah" you muttered against his lips as you carefully push him back onto the bed, climbing on top of him to continue the kiss.

Thranduil couldn't help but chuckle, pulling back from your lips just enough to talk. "My love, this is not napping ~" he didn't really mind as you continued to pamper him with kisses, his delicate hands reaching up to gently tangle themselves in your hair.

"mm we'll nap after, then"

#the hobbit #thranduil x male reader #thranduil #lord of the rings #lotr elves

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crossdressingdeath · 7 months

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Echo of Illasera: I am Illasera the Quick. Child of Bhaal. Slayer of his idle children. Cut down before my time. Kyvir: Do you feel the call as I do? The crawling in your blood? Echo of Illasera: Unholy Assassin, your birth was a miracle. Bhaal conceived you from a place beyond mortality. Echo of Illasera: Your birth, your creation... Father tended to you with love... He made you perfection... Echo of Illasera: I am most interested to see what will become of you, Child of Murder.

Oh, lovely. Virgin birth. Can't believe I'm playing murder Jesus. Although the implications of Bhaal conceiving Durge "from a place beyond mortality" are fascinating. I had seen some spoilers about Durge basically being Bhaal's attempt at copying whatever race you make them rather than them actually being that race, but this phrasing has me wondering, uh. do we have confirmation that Durge is even mortal? Because I'm not gonna lie, as someone romancing Astarion and Halsin with a tiefling the ability to headcanon that he's going to live significantly longer than maybe 100 years tops without actively contradicting canon would be stupendous.

Also Bhaal treating Durge so differently from his other children makes a lot more sense with the reveal that he literally made them to be his perfect little apocalypse-starter. Although it clearly didn't work as well as he probably wanted; while Durge can be an unrepentant murderer the whole way through they can just as easily be a perfectly good and kind person aside from the Urge, and some of Sceleritas's dialogue (along with the whole situation with Gortash, which based on the Prayer for Forgiveness Bhaal was not happy about) suggests that they were never quite as wholeheartedly devoted to Bhaal and his apocalyptic plots as he might have expected. Bhaal tried to make a good little murder puppet and somehow came out with a full-fledged person who was not as evil as you'd expect someone made from the literal god of murder to be and in fact depending on player choice potentially is remarkably nice. I can only assume everyone is confused as to how this happened.

#bg3 #bg3 spoilers #bg3 durge

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atsadi-shenanigans · 3 months

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Feeding Alligators 30 - Auntie Knows Best

You have intrusive thoughts! An old lady offers to help!

On AO3.

People stare as you emerge. Bird Lady approaches, but you can only stand there as she jabbers. Finally, a voice calls out from inside, and Bird Lady hustles in without another word.

You wander off into the cave. Find a ladder to a wooden platform, and climb up it. Then you sit a bit.

Exhaustion pulls every part of you towards the ground. Pulls your thoughts down, too. Down, down, into crushing oblivion. Easier, that way. Just don’t think about it (you used to pray so hard in moments like this).

But thoughts do start to trickle back in. Stubborn bastards. The smell of it. Blood and fear sweat and stink; it coats the inside of your nose. The screaming; not any in particular (Kahga’s tiny gasp as you let go), but the sheer noise of it all. The assault to the senses.

You’ve…you’ve hurt people before. Not that bad (never that you knew of). But enough to know your capacity. To know the relief—thank god it wasn’t you this time.

You ain’t never brought that part up in any therapy session. Not even with therapists you liked. They probably suspected it. You’ve read enough to know people say that’s a common reaction.

While Kahga’s face flashes over and over in your mind—it’s the eyes, her fucking wet eyes—there’s part of you that’s…glad. It wasn’t any of your group. Just that woman and her supporters. She could have done with a good ass whooping much sooner, sounds like. Now an obstacle has been removed. The tieflings and their children are safe, your life is a bit easier, and she’s dead.

And you. There’s something wrong with you. Or different, maybe, if you’re feeling charitable. In stories, if somebody sees that aspect in themself they’re horrified. “I could never do such a thing!” they’d cry.

But you can. You have. And though that fucking face is busy worming itself deep into your long-term memory (hello, future nightmare fuel), while something thorny twists tighter around your ribcage, this is part of you. Has been for some time. Ratting someone else out for impure behavior means attention pulls away from you, this time. There’s a vicious sort of triumph in hurting someone who hurt you; even though, from the outside, nobody should have been hurting at all and y’all were rats stuck in a cage and goaded into biting each other.

Running from this knowledge of yourself seems pointless (and leaves you lying on the floor for hours or days, but never weeks, because bills and rent).

You don’t go into your mental cellar to feed the monsters there. You butchered them and ate them back.

A noise. Movement below. You got no idea how long you been up there, but word must’ve gotten out. Tieflings emerge from a stone doorway set into the far wall. And at their front, standing tall but wary, is Wyll, rapier in his hand.

Something rustles behind you. You jump so bad you kick a little ceramic pot off the ledge. It crashes below as you spot white hair and the amused tilt to his goddamn fucking eyebrows—

“Astarion, fuck damnit!” He leans against the wall, wiping his daggers down with a rag. “How long you been standing there?!”

He doesn’t respond because he doesn’t speak English. You settle for breathing deep, and leaning over to make sure the kicked pot didn’t hit somebody. Only to find an old lady peering curiously up at you. Ceramic shards lie exploded at her feet.

“Oh fuck jesus,” you say. You scoot over to the ladder and start down.

The old lady watches you, cool as a cucumber. You apologize, probably profusely. She says something back, waits for a response she’s not going to get, and her gaze goes all shrewd. She motions you to wait. Comes back after rummaging through a wicker chest with a bottle. Which she uncorks and holds out.

You recognize the dirt and herb stink. You feel your face light up.

“Dirt potion!” you say. Look at her, pull out the five gold pieces you have to your name. But she waves you off. Thrusts the bottle at you again.

You’re pretty sure your White ancestors are eyeing that bottle suspiciously, but it’s been days since you could communicate, you just launched and executed a successful coup, and if this lady can brew this potion, she might know a good place to find the ingredients.

So, logically, you slam it back. Cough the burning out of your throat as Astarion’s murmur catches your ear. “That seems rather unwise, even to me.”

You turn. Look at him. Say, “Why the fuck are you lurking around like a damn creeper?”

To which he responds, “Lurking? I trail after our victorious leader to make sure she doesn’t do something stupid in a fit of conscience, and you call that lurking?”

In through the nose (cough). Out through the mouth (cough again).

“Yeah, I kinda do,” you say. To the old lady, “I am so sorry for the pot thing. I got startled and kicked it; are you okay?”

“Oh, I’m right as rain, Petal,” the woman says. “It sounds like you might be in a tighter spot than me. You don’t look well, dearie. I sell all manner of potions and remedies. What’s ailing you? I’ve got more than a fair chance of having something to help.”

“Oh, no, I’m good,” you say. Sleeping a week might fix the tired. Unlimited garlic cheese fries might fix your soul. You’re not sure anything can fix your brain, at this point.

“Come now, don’t be shy. You can tell old Auntie Ethel.”

And old Auntie Ethel launches into the most bullshit story about a man and a vat of hot oil. As she wraps it up—your eyebrows practically crawling all the way up past your hairline—Astarion leans in and says, “She sounds positively demented! You should tell her everything.”

You think about it. Or don’t, to be more accurate—your decision-making capabilities are a molten heap of slag at the moment.

Fuck it.

So you do just that. And Auntie Ethel doesn’t flip out or tell you to drink poison like the druid. She only focuses, nods thoughtfully, and then says yeah, she can totally help with that. But all her stuff is back at her teahouse and she not only hands you a fucking map, but marks her house on it.

“That’s enchanted, you know,” Astarion says. Gives her a look.

“And so are my skills,” Auntie Ethel shoots back. “You can repay me for all of it once I’ve fulfilled my end of the bargain, Petal. Until then, call it an incentive.”

Sounds shady. You don’t have much capacity to care right now, though. “Thank you. Do you maybe have more of that potion? I can pay.”

She waves dismissively. “I’ve got plenty of the stuff to make it back home. You find your way to my teahouse, and we can get that all worked out. Now, if you’ll excuse my, my dear, I don’t want to get caught up in all this business and if I’m not mistaken, that nice young man seems to want to have a word with you.”

That nice young man is Will, rapier sheathed, hovering a few paces away.

“Thank you, Auntie,” you say. She only nods and resumes packing up her things to boot scoot out of here.

“You speak our language, now?” Wyll says.

“Potion,” you say. “I’m learning, though.”

He nods. “A wise decision. I find it best not to rely too heavily on the talents of others, all of your company excluded. That’s a very interesting accent. Where are you from, if I may ask?”

You consider your options. You’re pretty sure he agreed to come with y’all, and things just worked out with old Auntie. In for a penny, in for a pound.

You tell him everything. And by the end, his eyebrows have crawled up into his hairline.

“A different plane?” he says. Gives you a once over. But rather than suspicion, he seems almost…impressed? “I’ve heard tales of such things, but to meet someone myself? It’s an honor. I don’t believe I was able to properly introduce myself earlier. I’m Wyll Ravengard, known as the Blade of Frontiers.”

He gives a dorky, but charming, little arm lift you think is some kind of bow.

“Eleanor Ripley,” you way. And automatically extend a hand to shake. Then remember that this isn’t Earth, and start to pull away.

But his smile is relaxed as he reaches forward to clasp your forearm. “Eleanor. It’s a pleasure to meet you. How are you finding Faerun?”

You open your mouth to answer. Someone starts screaming.

***

It’s Lae’zel. She’s gone off on her own and cornered some kid (in his early twenties, maybe). When y’all jog up, it’s to find her standing over him, sword drawn and touching his gut.

“You will answer my question,” she hisses. “Or I will gut you where you kneel.”

Because he is on his knees, trembling like a chihuahua without a sweater, and probably five seconds from pissing his drawers (you would be too, in his boots).

“Lae’zel, what the fuck?” you say.

She ignores you. “You saw others of my kind. Where, istik?”

“I…I—please!” the kid says. His gaze darts to you, and that seems to piss her off.

“Perhaps I will start with the extremities, then,” she says. Draws her arm back, and she’s going to cut his goddamn arm off. You can almost see it in the way she moves.

“And here I thought the rest of this day was going to be boring,” Astarion says.

You don’t bother shooting him a glare. Too busy shoving yourself between Lae’zel and the kid.

“Stop,” you say.

She pauses; good sign. “You dare come between a gith and her prey?”

“Stand down, Lae’zel. You can’t get answers out of him if he’s dead.”

Well… Gale could. But you’re not reminding her.

“I do not intend to kill him. Only remove a limb or two to loosen his tongue.”

“Because people fucking remember worth a shit when they’re screaming and in shock? Back. Down. Let the man speak, for fuck’s sake.”

She stares. You cannot look away. You cannot blink. You’ve accidentally started some kind of dominance stare down, and if you break first, you know on a cellular level this guy will absolutely get cut to pieces and Lae’zel will proceed to walk right over you for the rest of time.

Everything slows and speeds up. Cold sweat gathers in your armpits and between your shoulder blades. This was stupid. You’re putting yourself in the firing range for some guy just after you killed someone (again), and you luck is gonna run out. She’ll never—

Lae’zel blinks. Hisses. Her lips pull into a sneer. But she takes a step back and actually sheathes her sword.

“Ch’k! Your kill of the druid was effective given your lack of skills. I will accept your judgment in this,” Lae’zel says. “But you would do well never to challenge me again. If you wish to lead this interrogation, do so. But should your techniques fail, mine will not.”

Torture, she means. No pressure.

You don’t respond. Merely turn (not all the way, because the thought of giving her your back right now sends a mental primate screech through your ears). It’s enough you can grab a fistful of the kid’s tunic and haul him to his feet. Astarion, still at your side, clucks his tongue in what you can only assume is disappointment. Fucking hobgoblin.

“You okay?” you say.

“Y-yeah,” he says. “F-filthy monster.”

Lae’zel’s grip tightens on her sword handle.

“~Super not the time,~” you sing-song. “What was she asking about?”

He tells you: a patrol, the githyanki they found, what they did to his friends. Lae’zel’s face never changes. No shock or denial. Just the flat stare of someone who would have cut that guy’s arm off just to prove a point.

When he’s done, you send him off. Lae’zel watches him go. Looks to you and her eyes narrow.

“Perhaps not so useless,” she says. You don’t know if she’s talking about your “torture bad” approach or like, in general. But before you can shift your mental gears, “The creche must be in this mountain pass. We will head there immediately.”

***

Next chapter: The Bachelorette.

#bg3 #baldur's gate 3 #baldur's gate iii #astarion #fanfic #astarion x tav #it's a goddamn isekai #feeding alligators fic #astarion fanfic #plus size tav #demisexual tav #slow burn

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sw4tch · 1 year

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Hey! *Kicks open your door* tell me about your OC's on main! I want to hear about them! (If you want to)

I DO, I DO WANT TO!!!

since I'm stuck during a long bus ride you get to hear my long long rambles about my dnd ocs!! (They're the ocs i think about constantly because they're the ones i get to Play With more lol)

They're all from different campaigns I've played. I'll give you quick info and thoughts about them in chronological order (aka, which one did i create first)

Michi Haasi

- fun fact his name is literally an endearment term for a cat in spanish (something like "little critter")

- which makes sense since he's half tabaxi, aka literally a cat boy. Full anime cat boy! He's a rogue that was trained as a spy assassin from a tender age because his parents got murdered in an unjust massacre carried out by a random noble lord. Now left to care for his little sister and brother, he took on a life of crime with high risk but high reward.

- since he specialized in being part of political conflicts from the shadows, he knew it would make him enemies that would put his siblings in danger. So he left them in an orphanage and cut all possible ties with them. He cares for them deeply though and sends all the money he can to the orphanage so that his siblings may be cared for properly.

- it feels weird not to mention it even though it has never come up in the story and i doubt it ever will, but Michi is a trans boy :3

- outside of the role, there was another player in my table that kept pushing for his character (a hobbit druid girl) to have a hardcore crush on Michi and i didn't feel comfortable with that so uh now my experience rping Michi has been soured a bit. Like yes i do love him as one of my creations but if i never play as him again i will not feel too bad about it (which is good bcus the DM got too busy with his own life so uhhh i guess we'll never play again!)

Ishana Aavrih

- My sweet tiefling paladin girl ♡ the joke i had is that she's literally just a nun with a sword. She's a tall and strong looking blue tiefling woman with fiery red hair. A devout follower of Fantasy Jesus (Ilmater) and her core beliefs were that anyone can be redeemed, anyone deserves a second chance, and that her duty was to protect other's from harm.

- i wanted her to be a pacifist but uhm since that campaign was heavy on the combat she did indeed kill many people. IN HER DEFENSE i did make her ask before the killing blows if they were willing to give up their life of Evil Deeds. No one ever did lmao

- her backstory never came up but: in this setting tieflings are loathed as an "inherently evil" race so Ishana grew up in a convent of a group of tieflings which main ideology was to "repent for the sins of their race". She was an orphan there so she was raised on these beliefs which marked her ideology forever. We love catholic guilt.

And to make it more tragic, she had a best friend growing up with her too in that convent and she loved her a lot, but her friend was more rebellious and mischievous (not bcus she was evil but bcus teens are just like that!). Anyway her friend gets killed to make an example out of her after a Nebulous Incident (aka i never worked out the details here ahdjjdjd) and Ishana is left heartbroken. It does lead her to escape and later on find comfort in the teachings of Ilmater because of the ideology of "everyone deserves a second chance" (since her friend deserved a second chance!)

- anyway in the campaign we had to stop cultists from bringing the apocalypse and one of the head Priestesses named Vannifer wanted help in stopping the apocalypse (because she was basically a slave to the Evil God trying to bring the apocalypse and she wanted to be free).

Vannifer was also a tiefling with a tragic backstory so when Ishana heard her tale and plea she immediately decided she wanted to help her no matter what! It became her life duty to try and free Vannifer from her chains so that she may be happy.

The rest of my party was pretty murder happy so even they wanted to kill Vannifer on several occasions so it became a running joke that only Ishana saw Vannifer as an ally (and she was!!! Like literally she's a NPC meant to help u!!! Why would u kill her!!!!)

Alongside this, in one of the cursed temples my party freed a group of Kenkus (bird people) and one of them was a small orphan crow boy and he immediately got attached to Ishana (and i became attached as well!!!!!!!!!!!) So Ishana adopted him as her son. His name was Purulento (pretty sad name in spanish bcus it's something akin to "infected wound"). Anyway i love him so much and he's my little son boy. My little baby. My sweet little boy. He became a cleric mostly so we could deploy him if any of our players missed a session so Purulento could fill that space in combat.

At the end of the campaign, Ishana realized she wanted to give up the sword and go live with her son and Vannifer in a cabin in the woods. So yeah she basically got her happy lesbian ending and sobs im so happy. BCUS PURULENTO HAS 2 MOMS AND GETS TO GROW UP IN THE HAPPY HOME HIS 2 MOMS DIDN'T GET TO HAVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SOBS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I love her so goddamn much.

- Also her name is a valid homestuck troll name fun fact.

Eshuu Teevan

Ohhhh boy oh boy oh sweet jelly goddamn crackers HOW TO START WITH ESHUU MY DEEPLY BELOVED!!!!!! He lives rent free in my head even if i have played with him like maximum 7 sessions. Gonna try to TL;DR him bcus if not we will be here all DAY and maybe it's better if i show u the 40 powerpoint presentation i have on him later

- he's a satyr warlock! His patron is Caiphon, an old god and distant star. Akin to a lovecraft horror. Eshuu has a HORRIBLY debilitating Ego so when this elder god came to him in a dream and promised him the secrets of godhood it was all over.

- he's a scholar that loves nature, but most of all fungi! He's fascinated by the idea of Rot As An Extension of Life. In a better timeline he's some sort of druid ♡ we're not in that timeline ♡

- to understand what's wrong with him u gotta know that he lives in a world where Gods walk among them and each year the world celebrates "A Harvest" which is kinda like uhhh the hunger games but the prize is that the winners get to Ascend To The Heavens.

Eshuu being part of the Fey knows that the gods are capricious and not to be venerated. But his best friend Jakobi (an elf) is a devout believer who's purpose in life is to win the Harvest and ascend (as his people have trained him for). Knowing that his most likely fate is death, Eshuu tries to discourage Jakobi from making this his Life Goal but they fight and break up their friendship and something inside Eshuu snaps that makes him want to take over the gods and destroy them ♡ because he could do so much better ♡

- anyway Eshuu is my babygirl and i love him so goddamn much. His favorite spell is acid splash. He thinks he's owed everything. He's obsessed with one (1) guy that didn't let him have the last word. I could fix him but whatever is wrong with him is funnier ♡ He's doomed to go mad with eldritch knowledge and I'm crossing my fingers Jakobi is the one to kill him ♡

Cyril Nightclaw

- my most recent character! I love him lots! He's inside a horror campaign with vampires!!! Aaah!!!

- he's a dark elf (i forgot the term but they're the ones with Advanced Darkness) and he's sensitive to sunlight. He's a cleric of the grave! He dresses like a plague doctor!! He's a devout follower of Anubis!!! He's literally part of a pyramid scheme!!! This adventure is one of the first times he's been allowed outside of the temples!!!!! He's a hoot i love him.

- i say he's a hoot but mostly because i think he's incredibly endearing. He's stoic, genuine, and blunt. Party says he has autistic swag and i am inclined to agree. Perhaps even make canon.

- his one goal is to Maintain the Balance between life and death, which means that any time he sees an Undead Creature he wants and needs to destroy them on sight. This is made much more difficult because we have a sorcerer in our party that likes necromancy and he likes to bring walking cadavers around a lot. Such is life.

- in the campaign we are tasked with protecting this one lady named Irina bcus the Dracula controlling the region has targeted her as his Bride To Be. Cyril, being so new to the outside world, fell in love with Irina because she's the first pretty lady he's ever seen in his life. So you can see how this further motivates him to destroy The Goddamn Dracula Final Boss That Keeps Showing Up And Trying To Kill Us.

- he has a prosthetic leg because his parents tried to use him as a human sacrifice as a baby but the ritual failed (it did take his leg though). He was left abandoned in the steps of a temple of Anubis during a storm and he drowned. But Anubis revived him so that he may serve him. We love a guy that died once but got better ♡

So that's all!! Will share my powerpoints later!!! u need to see my arts for all of them too!!!!! They all have playlists too bcus i love em.

#ask box #pyrokittensinsuits

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eliza-dearest · 1 month

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So I’ve been playing dnd (specifically a modified curse of strahd campaign) for a couple of sessions now and I would love to tell you all about the absolute insanity that is our party and the shenanigans we have gotten into. So for our cast we have:

A Twilight Domain Cleric Firbolg, with a warhammer, who is known for selling potions and poisons, who is also an old grandpa

A Tiefling Barbarian, who was an exotic dancer and has a massive thing for vampires

A Warlock Old-One pact Dragonborn who has had half his face turn into a black hole, and commits fraud by Plagiarizing all his novels that he sacrifices to the dark lord

And an Aasimar Gold Draconic Sorcerer who’s entire origin is “my mom, dragon Jesus, died to my dad, a televangelist, and now his cult is chasing me forever to kill me”

Session one was already doomed in the best way possible. We literally had just woken up in Barovia when:

Upon examining the mist, and our warlock telling us “hey it’s a vampire mist”, the barbarian ran head first into it trying to get with it. She almost died, but was saved via the cleric, whomst she owes a life debt to.

We have an NPC named Kevin. Kevin is our impromptu traveling shopkeep who is just a robe and eyes. Our DM said that if we ever attempt to look under or yank the robe off it will TPK us. We love Kevin so much.

Upon meeting an important NPC in a tavern, Warlock took off his facial prosthetic to show off his black hole, almost locking us out of the quest. Thankfully all of us were able to keep a convo with him.

We were given a casket to bury as part of a quest. We had to open the heavy chapel doors. Barbarian rolls an 7 and cannot open it. Sorcerer with mid-low STR approaches, hits a Nat 20, opens it with ease.

Upon entering the chapel, there’s a deranged priest constantly praying. Sorcerer was about to join him in a way to calm him, but the Cleric cast sleep instead. Once we snuck past into the graveyard, something unseen starts rolling to attack.

*DM rolls* “It misses.” “WHAT MISSES?!”

Once back at the inn, a “normal bat” as the dm describes shows up at one of the windows asking to be let in. Cleric lets it in. It is Strahd.

Strahd plays Gay Rizz Chess for 30 minutes with the cleric. Our cleric has low charisma and keeps getting charisma based situations and succeeding.

Cleric has to tell everyone he let Strahd in

Sorcerer somehow has 3 kills with the barbarian and cleric with a literal warhammer having none.

After leaving the village, a strange pendant is dropped by an apparition. The party tries to pick it up and it burns…. Except the sorcerer, who just kinda holds onto it.

The warlock is flat broke and asked if he could rob the graves. We told him no. He then stole rope from a gallows.

Theres an asshole raven shifter who asks the sorcerer for a silver dragon scale. The sorcerer. Who is part dragon. Who has had people exploit him for scales. The entire party hates him.

Ran into a pack of werewolves. Barbarian manages to charm all of the non were-wolves and was snuggled by 5 dogs. Woke up covered in dog hair.

In an attempt to sneak around a group of soldiers, Ireena rolls a 1 on stealth. The soldiers see us. Barbarian yells: “THIS IS A DREAM.” Rolls performance. It’s a 19. Everyone believes her. The husks begin chasing us through the camp. Sorcerer manages to dodge almost every attack of opportunity. Ireena dodges every attack.

Was narrowly about to avoid Death House. Until 2 kids outside ask the barbarian to kill a monster. She pinky promised them. We now have to do Death House aka “run the gauntlet” as the dm describes it.

#dungons and dragons #dnd #curse of strahd #dnd campaign #ireena kolyana

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spagetticircle · 4 months

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OMG another OC as out of context quotes post?! And this time with the Dangonronpa OC’s? Hell yeah!

Ren Ikeda (Ultimate Sleuth): “I’m not an alcoholic, I just like drinking hand sanitizer.”

Chiako Suzuki (Ultimate Journalist): “Me when I see Walt Disney’s decomposing body in the cryo chamber.”

Itachi Furukawa (Ultimate Musician): “If god didn’t want gay people to exist, then why did he put a g spot in the ass?”

Hatsu Hamada (Ultimate Architect): “I saw 9/11 coming”

Suzume Morimoto (Ultimate Makeup Artist): "I feel the pain and sadness Oedipus felt that pushed him to stab his eyes out."

Kyoshi Magai (Ultimate Male Model): “I am a trans inclusive radical mysoginist.”

Misako Koike (Ultimate Honors Student): “You’re at the juice bar, sipping your…green drink, and you see that sexy semicolon across the bar and go ‘hey girl.’”

Azami Chibana (Ultimate Botanist): "So apparently you can fit a watermelon up your ass...who's down!?"

Kamiko Amai (Ultimate Actor): “…define terrorism.”

Kichi Sakurada (Ultimate Prankster): "Paradise Lost is my favorite fanfic."

Deidara Hidaka (Ultimate Artist): "CORRECTION: You ready to not be pescatarian every day of the week soon?"

Maru Izumi (Ultimate D&D Player): “Here’s Billy, the six foot tall tiefling twink.”

Naoki Hachisuka (Ultimate Scientist): “My favorite yaoi ship is Jesus x Judas.”

Rikuto Takahashi (Ultimate Shape Shifter): “It’s a living piece of gyoza. The gyoza fairy.”

Lusamine Sakai (Ultimate Fanboy): "Where were the other two bullets that were DEFINETLY fired by the same gunman in such a short amount of time?"

Saburina Ōkami (Ultimate Occultist): “We smell of heathen.”

#dangonronpa #ocs #incorrect quotes #writing #wip

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theironwarsmith · 2 years

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Highlights from the second D&D game

There was some debate amongst the party whether to return the crown to the king or sail away with it, as Cloidhna's ship, Hades' Chariot was docked in Smuggler's Bay, which was a little way away. In the end they decided on a route that I hadn't foreseen. Instead of going through the city, sneaking and/or fighting their way through, or just sailing away, they decided to sail around the island and up the river to the Palace that way. So they made their way to Smugglers Bay.

Jack Black (Halfling bard) and Arnie IV (dwarven barbarian) decided that they wanted to kill some refugees they encountered, going murder-hobo on them, however Evile (drow wizard princess) and Cloidhna (Tiefling rogue pirate) managed to contain the situation, the refugees ran away.

Jack Black successfully persuaded 10 guards that everything they lived for was a lie and that they should follow them to the ship.

Smuggler's Bay had many refugees, Cloidhna used Thaumaturgy to cause a majority of them to flee into the mountains for safety.

A few refugees remained, trying to get onboard Hades' Chariot, they were being blocked by First Mate Squigs (half-orc sailor) and the crew. Jack Black rolled a 24 on intimidate. The refugees soiled themselves and jumped into the water rather than walk past the Halfling.

Squigs gives up his private quarters to Princess Evile willingly (upon realising that she is royalty and he just dotes on her whilst she is onboard).

On the journey round the island, Jack Black and Arnie IV have a game of poker with some of the crew. Arnie wins but Jack Black convinces Arnie to allow him to 'look after' his money entirely under the prospect of the vastly superior Halfling Banking System, Evile overhears about this arrangement and tries to explain to Arnie that he is just being robbed. Evile then comes to believe in HBS too, not enough to give her money to Jack but to allow Arnie to continue with it.

The King, his General, his court mage Magnus and 20 guards, almost have to fight to get the crown back from the party. The King places the crown upon his head, his cataracts fade and he becomes youthful once more. A portal opens behind him moments later. Out pops the Big Bad, Valdrakk the Half-Dragon, who kills all 20 guards with single bi-secting blows and then breath attacks the general, leaving just boots behind. He decapitates the King and takes the crown. The mage is paralyzed with fear. He laughs at the party and steps back through the portal.

Evile, seeing the state the city is in, decides to request a raven from the mage so that she can send for aide from her nation (since her parents are King and Queen of the nearby island nation of Gonniki). To speed things up a bit Jack puts the Raven into the end of his didgeridoo, takes a deep breath and (rolls a nat 20) fires the raven out. Distant sonic booms are heard and a little hole in the clouds becomes visible.

The party decides to take the 10 guards they picked up earlier with them as they head to the Great Library of Athens, 4 weeks journey away. They also pick up more staff: an elven nurse called Philomena, a buff himbo carpenter called Jesus (pronounced Hezeus), as well as a Chef called Gaston and his gnome Sous Chef Lefou.

About a week into their journey, the lookout in the crows nest spots a nearby island almost obscured by fog. Instead of rowing out to it on a boat, Jack summons his Genie and requests that the party is lifted over to it. The Genie complies.

On the island, amongst rows of shrines and statues bearing the mark of Ares, the encounter a crypt. Inside the crypt, there are four tombs and another corpse on a throne. This time it is armoured and gripping a spear in one hand. The party tries removing the spear from its grasp, thinking it is a holy weapon. They try pulling it out and heating the metal, nothing. So they turn their attention elsewhere, except Arnie who tries to rummage through the pouches on the body. With that a spirit inhabits the body and drops the spear as it picks up the sword instead, a ghostly voice hissing "TRESSSSPASSSERSSS". Arnie downs a potion of Storm Giant Strength and pummels it to near death before Jack calms it mid-combat. It reveals its name to be Heracles and, upon learning of their task and Valdrakk's possession of the crown, tells them of the Sons of Ares and their role in preventing the return of the Ogdru-Jahad.

#dungeons & dragons #dungeons and dragons #murderhobo #dnd shenanigans

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your-turn-to-role · 3 years

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Oh oh oh! Sorry this is really long oops. Ok so rn I'm playing a swashbuckler tiefling (and really the first time I've actually played a melee character lol) and me and my party went to this secret fight club to get some money (and vent out our grief and frustration because our friend just died woof) and my tiefling was really doubting their ability because they hid at the end of the battle that killed their friend, so when one of the other party members, a hulking Loxodon fighter, was kinda condescending about them fighting in the main game, a battle royale, they immediately signed up and immediately regretted it lol. So the fight starts and they're scared shitless because the fighter's super strong and also a MASSIVE ELEPHANT MAN so they fumble and fall off the platform they were on. Another guy climbs up a tree and starts sniping the fighter, and takes out a lot of his hp. Meanwhile my character finds a weird glittering pool of water and immediately drinks it and golden feather start sprouting out of their skin. They freak out and run behind cover, accidentally going through the pool again, which makes them sing everytime they want to speak. So now freaking out they feel kinda shit cause this is going a lot like the previous fight... and they look at the pool again.... and they say fuck it and drink out of it again. I roll to see what I get and you won't fucking believe it it's fucking spider climb. So I sprint up the tree where the sniper is, who's managed to take out half of fighter's hp, and cut him down and kick him off the tree. He lands with 1 fucking hit point and crawls away from me. I jump down after him and finish him off, then run as far away as I can from fighter. He marches towards me in an eerily similar way to our first meeting where he mistakes me for someone else and tackled me down. He grabbes so I can't leave and tries to hack into me. I manage to dodge all of his attacks and stab my swords into his shoulders and drag them down with my final blow. I tried to give a oneliner at the end to sound cool but then I realised I had to sing it lol. And this made me realise how fucking powerful rogues are jesus. I usually play spellcasters which is super fun but wow you do a lot of dmg as a rogue

that sure sounds like a time!

and yeah, i am unashamedly biased towards rogues

i've only actually played two, but my friends have joked a lot that no matter what class i play, i will find a way to turn them into a rogue 😂

(i've only really played two characters that aren't roguey at all, and one was a fire genasi trickery domain cleric whose whole deal was drawing all the attention to themselves and giving everyone else the ability to be a rogue)

(and the other was a gnome alchemist artificer i made two days ago to be support but in a really grumpy old woman way and i was so close to taking a feat that would give her proficiency in stealth and acrobatics before i had to actively stop myself and go "wait that doesn't make sense")

(and her dex is still 17 bc apparently i cannot help myself 😂)

#my characters even the sorcerer and the barbarian: what kind of person doesn't know how to hide and pick locks?? smh #but yeah i love seeing people enjoy rogue :D #also battles with random elements are always so fun #not cr #ttrpg ask game #ask

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bluejaytaco · 3 years

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(We returned to the session with all party members floating in the waters of Fransland. The bar has “Welcome to my realm” written on it in blood. Outside of it there are strange, humanoid creatures walking around. We're in the water, Theodora had a young elf boy knocked out on her back and Art has Reita clinging to him because she doesn't know how to swim.

The water is, however, strangely buoyant.)

Theodora:(immediately swims over and hugs Koejin) I'm never letting you go again.

Koejin: (hugs back) yeah... uh, no more jumping through strange portals for a while.

Alabaster:(casts waterwalking and walks over to Art) Hello, my friend!

Art: (jumps at the sight) Holy Jesus! Hi, hello!

(We all end up swimming to shore and catching up a little bit. The creatures were something Team A was dealing with while we were in the separate universe. From the distance, some of us can see that the creatures are all attached to one cloaked figure sitting off to the side.)

Koejin: (shoots an arrow at the figure and hits it right in the head. The head pops off and rolls closer. It's Skelly)

Skelly: What the Hell?! What just happened?! Who shot me?!(all his minions just kinda stand around his head) Don't just stand there! Reattach me!

Theodora: Skelly?

Skelly: (After his head's back on, he notices us) Oh, hey guys!

Hennessy: What're you doing here?

Skelly: I don't know. Just one minute I'm minding my own business, the next I'm here with these guys (gestures to the shambling forms) Just making friends and hanging out.

Theodora: Are they.... friends by choice? (stares pointedly at the tethers)

Skelly: They're friends by MY choice!

Theodora: How long have you been here?

Skelly: A day... A week... two years and five minutes? Ehhhh....

Art: (moves to explore the tavern)

(As he moves closer, a giant red claw comes up and climbs onto the roof. Mrs. Red glares at the party. Koejin also notices humanoid Mrs. Red is on her back. Dragon Mrs. Red rears back and uses her fire breath on everyone, successfully melting Skelly into a pile of ash.

We also have a new party member, Jaquine. She is not as high of a level as us, so the blast would kill her.

But then a large tiefling woman jumps in and takes the brunt of the burn for Jaquine. She looks.... very familiar. Despite the fact that we've only really met like two tieflings.)

Tiefling woman: Everyone, inside! Now! (Jumps up on Dragon Red's face and they fly away.)

Koejin: Uh, yeah! Let's go!

Alabaster: (moving over to bring Skelly back to life)

(Skelly is now a strange pile of moving ash. He hasn't regained his original form.)

Vincent: Yesss.... burn.... (This is like... the third time he's gotten excited about some violence.)

Hennessy: Alright! You and me! We gotta talk!

(We go inside the bar to see a scawny looking white dragonborn behind the bar, cleaning a glass. Aside from him, there's only one other patron; a woman passed out in a puddle of her own drool with long, rainbow hair.)

Art: (eyes the bartender) Hey there... I'm Art... and you are? (he already knew the answer)

Dragonborn: (smiles creepily) Oh, hi! I'm Eltbalm.

Art: Right, right. (looks over at the passed out woman and frowns as he realizes it's Thia. He walks over to her)

Reita: (runs to Wreybar and points at a hole in the wall. She then dives for it and pulls out a rat. She tears the rat in half and hands part of it to Wreybar.)

Wreybar: Is it a gift or food?

Reita: (nods and bites into her half)

Wreybar, grinning: Thank you!

(Me: I'm a good big brother for letting this happen.)

(For a moment, we cut to Hennessy and Vincent talking to each other about the way he's been acting. Vincent, after being kidnapped and just all around having a shitty time, has adopted the whole idea of killing in order to make the world better. But, after a bit of talk, he's feeling a little better. Hennessy talks about how Theodora, Koejin, and Alabaster would be able to help him with whatever he needs to feel safe again. That seems to help.)

(Meanwhile, Art is gently shaking Thia awake. He gets her to snap her head up but that's about it. He gestures to Eltbalm to get them some water for her.

We all try to get her to wake up and talk with us, but to no avail. However, all of us agree that this might be the best time for a long rest. But before that)

Hennessy: Art, can I speak to you?

Art: Uh... yeah. What's up?

Hennessy: Your sister. She's still got that pink stone embedded in her back, right?

Art: Yeah... we haven't been able to remove it... why do you ask?

Hennessy: Well, while we were all superpowered by the gods, I came across a spell that might be helpful. We could create a clone copy of Reita and remove the stone from her original body. Then, if anything were to go haywire, then we can put her essence into the clone.

Art:.... I want you to think about this for a second.. Put yourself in my shoes and Vincent in Reita's.... would you still trust it?

Hennessy: If it means saving his very life and the lives of millions, then of course!

Art: Don't get me wrong; I'm not saying no. It's just... a lot. And, I mean, it's not like we can do it right now anyway, right?

Hennessy, seeing that Art doesn't fully trust the idea: Yes, but... to ease your worries... it might help to keep in mind we have a genuine necromancer on our side. (Gestures to Alabaster)

Alabaster, seeing that gesture and looks over to find out whats going on: Hello, yes!

Art: You're a necromancer now?!

Alabaster: Why yes. It's an interesting tale but yes. And I would be able to help your sister, given the situation!

Art: (looks at the Skelly blob then up at Alabaster tensely. He then turns back to Hennessy.) It's not something we can do now anyway so....

(Everyone took a look at the stone. Hennessy discovered it was an ancient magic while Art recognized it as tiefling magic. Theodora offered to cut the magic and see what might come of it, but Art was afraid it might hurt Reita. He might be a little over protective.

This is around where we took our rest. As we're rested and trying to figure out our next move, the tiefling woman steps in through the door. She has in her hands the fifteen foot battle axe and is covered in blood. She walks up, demands a beer from Eltbalm, and walks back over to the table where Thia is still passed out. As she takes a sip, she gestures to all of us to gather around.)

Tiefling Woman: Must be pretty confusing for all of you.

Art: That's putting it lightly.

Tiefling Woman: So, let's start with an introduction; I'm Elsie. Elsie Red. I'm the only form of Mrs. Red here that's a tiefling.

Art: ...yeah, why are you a tiefling?

Elsie, shrugging: Don't know. Don't have any memories of anything outside of here. But, hey! I gotta gift for you (looks over at Eltbalm) Hey, you! Go get her. And you better not have touched her!

Eltbalm: Aww, but- (interrupted by the battle axe embedding itself in the wall next to him) coming up!

(Eltbalm disappears for a moment and returns with a bound Mrs. Red. It's our Red; missing tongue and all. He sits her down next to Elsie.)

Hennessy: Elsie, is your story anything like our Red's? It's quite the tragic tale.

Elsie: I don't know. I dont remember. That smiling bastard sent me and all these reds here. It's like we're some kind of experiment or something.

Theodora, nodding: Sounds like Ticket Master, alright. He is quite an asshole.

Hennessy, turning to Red: Do you still have the diary I returned to you?

Red: (nodding in her condescending, mean girl way)

(Art tries to reach into her satchel in order to show Elsie only to get bitten for the trouble.)

Art: Ow, hey! You bitch!

Red: (glaring at him)

(Art gives Elsie a rundown of what they know about Red's backstory. It sums up to Red ending the war and starting her reign of terror after the death of Eltbalm. At that, he points to the scrawny dragonborn at the bar.)

Elsie: Uhhh, no. I remember being married to a tiefling woman. He's not really my type....

Art: Our Eltbalms haven't looked like that. They're more....uh... Koejin, describe Eltbalm.

Koejin: Oh... He's just so hunky and buff. He's covered in shiny white scales. Like, a beautiful man just... (chef's kiss)

Elsie: Yeah, still no.

(We eventually decide that our Red's inability to speak was making this hard. So, we ask Vincent if there's anything he can do.

Turns out, DM rolls high enough to where Vincent pulls out a mechanical tongue.)

Vincent: Now, you gonna go and bite me the moment I go to put this in your mouth?

Red: (nods with a 'Well, duh' look on her face)

Vncent, putting the tongue on the table: Then you can do it yourself.

(Elsie undoes Red's hands and Red immediately dives to put the tongue in her mouth. She doesn't take long to secure it.)

Red, pointing to all of us: Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuuuck you. And a special 'fuck you' to you! (points at Elsie)

Alabaster: Charming.

Red: You took away everything from me and expect me to do anything for you?!

Art: Oh, you mean like what you've been doing to us?

Red: Oh, you fucking little shit. Why the fuck would I care?! You interrupted everything and stopped my ascent to finally killing that smiling asshole you call Ticket Master.

Art: Please, you went toe to toe with him and couldn't take him down.

(We ended up arguing with Red for a while and trying to get her to help us and figure out the parts missing that kept her from doing it. Then...)

Thia: (grabs the empty beer bottle and smashes it against the table. Holds it out to Red) put that to your neck.

Red: (loses control of herself and immediately follows the order) Wha-?

Thia: How do we get out of here?

Red: I- (is comanded to press in deeper. Starts to cry.) I... I don't know. I don't know. I can't remember!

Thia: Then remember.

Red, freezes for a second: I... remember everything...I... (turns to Art) I'm your mother.

Art: I... Wh-wait.... what?

Red: It happened so long ago now. I... Eltbalm and I... were tieflings. We were very much in love. We were happy... Eventually, we were blessed with a beautiful baby. A little girl... but, the land told us, no. Our girl would become a charming handsome boy. Not too long after, we were granted our beautiful, sweet Reita... but... but the war came to our land. They killed Eltbalm, my love. Right in front of me... So I prayed to the land for a way. To stop the war. To protect my children. I was turned into a dragon and given the power to end it all, so I did. And I prayed for a way to bring my husband back. And the land granted me the stones. All parts of Eltbalm.

I didn't know I would be worshipped by our people. I just wanted you to be safe... so, I prayed for a way to the land. And then.... he appeared.

I was so full of rage, but Ticket Master offered me a way. I sold him my soul and I asked that you and your sister were raised by tieflings. To be sure you were kept safe. And he did...

I tried to make it so Reita could be strong like me. Even in my rage and my forgotten memories, I wanted to keep her safe. She was so... helpless. Art, I am so sorry it turned out this way. I lo-

Thia, interrupting the last part: slit your throat.

(Red follows the order and immediately starts bleeding out. Her body collapses on the ground.)

Art: (immediately moves to save her)

Thia: Stop.

Art: (Fails a Con save and is forced to stop)

Theodora: (moves in to heal Red)

Thia: Sit down.

Theodora: (Fails a Con save and follows the order)

Hennessy: Now, wait ju-

Thia: Cover your mouth.

Hennessy: (Fails a Con save and follows the order) Mmmph Rmph!

Koejin: Thia, why're you doing this?

Thia: It's what you guys taught me. you have to kill in order to get to the top. In order to get anyone to listen. To get any type of power.

Koejin:...I thought you just wanted to do drugs and run your bar.

Thia: I did. But then this shit started happening. And you guys started killing generals. And you guided me here. That's when I realized that yes, this is the only way.

Theodora: (trying to do Lay On Hands to Red as Thia's distracted.)

Thia, noticing: Go lay down in that corner, far away from her and don't move.

Theodora:(fails the Con save and does that.)

Art: The leader shouldn't be influenced by their followers.

Thia: I wasn't your leader. Cloak was. And look how much you cared about her death. (glares at Art) not that you're one to talk about not killing. You signed a contract for the God of Death and Deceit.

Art, glaring back: To save my sister.

Thia: still.

Hennessy: (still screaming behind his muffled hands)

Art, casting Sending to get what he was trying to say: Hennessy says "we have been nothing but merciful as instructed." He also said other things, but it got caught off.

Thia: Fine. Remove your hands and speak.

Hennessy: We have been more merciful to everyone of these generals. Green, your own father, was spared and look now! He's one of our strongest allies! Purple returned to their gem under our influence!

Thia: And what about Orange? And Blue? And Yellow?!

Hennessy: Orange was.... an unfortunate circumstance. And Blue gave us no choice. But Yellow; if I recall he willingly died.

Art, tenses: Uhhh, Hennessy...? Yellow was Thia's mother. And she didn't.

Thia, clearly even more angered: I'm starting to think this world needs to be wiped clean so we can begin again.

Art:.... Please don't think that.

(As if hearing her, the roof of the tavern is torn off and there stands Shmoogie. He's staring down at us.)

Shmoogie: Pelor knew you would see the light. (puts his hand down to her) Come now. There's much work to be done.

Thia: (climbs onto the hand)

(Everyone scrambles to look for a way to stop her from leaving with him. In his panic to keep her there, Art uses Black Tentacles to try and pull her out of his hands before she goes out of reach. Thia sees it and tries to order him to stop, but gets smacked in the face by one of them and is now sporting a huge mark near her eye. She disappears through a white portal in the sky with Shmoogie.

But the spell is then released and they can move.)

Art, rushes over to Red, torn in what he's about to do: Okay, I kinda shouldn't care but after all that now I don't want you to die. There's waaaay too many questions to be answered, but you're still an insane bitch. Okay, I'm gonna do this. I'm gonna save the life of my...mother...mortal enemy... fuck.... How the fuck did Alabaster do this? Here we go. (casts spare the dying on Red)

Red: (Alive and no longer bleeding out, but out cold)

Reita: (watching her brother in confusion)

Art, noticing this: Uhhh... hey, uhhh... There's a lot to explain but.... once I understand what's going on, I'll explain it all. Okay?

Reita: (lifts some of her half-eaten rat to her mouth)

Art: (pushes it back down slowly)

(As Art is healing Mrs. Red and talking to Rieta, everyone is discussing the best way to get out of here. Theodora and Koejin have some private talks with the DM and come back, but seem reluctant to do the things they were talking about.)

Theodora, to Elsie: You think you can turn into a dragon and help us out?

Elsie: You're asking this from the only Mrs. Red that can't.

Koejin:... I think I have an idea. (digs through her bag for a gem she had.)

(She summons a carriage labelled Koejin's Brews and it's pulled by a horse with sunglasses.)

Horse: Heeey there, Koejin! Ready to ascend to your position?

Art:... Koejin's a god... I mean, why not? Why the fuck not? (heads to the carriage to immediately drink his face off.)

(We all pile on the carriage to find a fully stocked tavern with plenty of room. Like a bar version of a Tardis. "A Bardis" as Theodora's player starts calling it. And, as we ascend, the bar shakes a little as if experiencing turbulence, but then we end up in a world of light.

It's bright and white. Everything is white. Including the people.

Me: Sooo, Racism?

DM: It's Pelor's realm.

Theodora's Player: So, yeah, racism.)

(As we step off the carriage, we pass by people and see a letter hanging from the gate. On it is written "To Alabaster.")

Alabaster: (takes the letter)

Letter: Alabaster, you used to be so devout and loyal, but seem to have been corrupted by the influences around you. I will cleanse this world of all that is dark. Come see me and will do the same for you. It isn't too late. Not for you and not for your daughter. Come see me, my boy.

Pelor

(Attached to the letter is a picture of Eris, Alabaster's daughter. Pelor is holding her by the head.)

((DM wasn't kidding when he said this would be pretty intense.))

((Koejin's Player: So... I've been hitting on Art's dad...))

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aliveahahafuck · 3 years

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HO Boy, this is my second time writing this because tumblr decided to fuck me over, but anyways~~~

the return of the tales of the two dumbass tieflings :D

TL;DR We’re both under the impression that we’re screwed. this is only session 3

game starts with us making the barmaid think that i casually decided to get fucked up on hard drugs the night before

Queue me attempting, and failing, to kick my friend in the shin in retaliation for that

we are closer to achieving our goal of getting ourselves banned from one of the stores in the town by being a repeated minor nuisance

“I take off my pants”

“I'm sorry, you're going to need those on if you would like to remain in the store. No shirt, no shoes, No Pants, No Service”

“well technically, he’s not the one being served right now”

“do you also want to be removed from the store?”

“i raise my hands in surrender”

after the second time that we banter back and forth in infernal to each other in front of people this session the DMs finally like You know that's an demonic language that scares the crap outta people, right?

to which both of us responded yes, that's kinda the point

both of us roll a 2 for investigation and spend an hour looking for a door

we finally were accepted into the adventurers guild, so there's that

we got a new quest, Blah Blah, kill goblins, Blah Blah, bugbear, Blah

derailed the session for like at least a half hour to pet a chicken

we both failed

i was so close but rolled a nat 1 on the last roll lmao

Goblin ambush where we both almost died :D

goblin failed so hard he decapitated one of his teammates

I realized that I was now carrying 6 daggers and two short swords and started cackling because so many knives lmao

also the DMs playing so that if we don't say that we pick up dropped weapons, we don't pick them up, so I've ended up with, not one, but two notes to pick up my fucking daggers

raccoons wake me up by trying to steal our bags

“he’s stealing your shit, what you wanna do?”

“OH I'm stabbing a bitch”

and i managed to kill both by rolling a 19 with disadvantage

“you notice that the pouch that you take back from the raccoon is heavier than it appears for it size and it takes you a moment to realize that its your sleeping friends money pouch, what do you do?”

“I mean- my first thought was to dump it out all over him, so-”

*DM.exe has stopped working*

…

*sudden cackling*

friend avoided a trap, gracefully, with a roll, i avoided a trap by interrupting the DM describing how i triggered the trap by saying “Jesus F U C K. is it a pit fall?”

i was right, and it had ✨spikes✨ :D

“are you guys seriously considering turning back?”

“i mean, i want to continue, but is this worth 50 gold each?”

“we could leave, pretend we died, buy a house, start a new life, again”

“we could buy you chickens”

we ambush some goblins, each of us one shot the mother fuckers because of sneak attack, a nat 20 and some stupid high rolls

friend then rolls stupid low to clean up the bodies and instead of making the other goblins less sus, they're now more sus :D

i rolled a nat one on my attack to kill the goblin who came out to check the racket my friend made

we are sure, despite our DMs assurances that he wont intentionally kill us unless we’re literally shooting the shit and not planning, that we’re going to die next session. and like i said at the top this was the third session.

Deadass. my friend and i wrapped up the evening by discussing which characters we’ll use next, and discovering that we’ll be just as screwed because they wanna make a sorcerer, and I was gonna pick between two characters that I've already made.

A sorcerer or a cleric.

we’re so fucked.

#dnd #shenanigans #dungeons & dragons #dnd rogue #we're absolute dumbasses #Journey and Delight

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wickednerdery · 4 years

Photo

Title: Hoarfrost Hel: Strained Author: @wickednerdery Fandom: Marvel Pairing/character: Thor, Valkyrie, The Grandmaster, & mutant!OCs Rating: Explicit Summary: “And what’s the plan...?” Notes: This is the second part of what’s shaping up to be a legit trilogy (the first is FrostBitten) - the master list is here. The story on whole is gonna be very dark, this piece - which picks up few (Sakaar) months after the last one - has very little in the manner of adult content, actually. For consistency and length, it gets a “Read More”.

"Woah, hey hey, what’s going on there?” Tony’s eyes narrow, unsure he’s seeing what he’s seeing.

Lynk narrows eyes back. “What do you mean?”

“Are you kidding me?”

“The coding is correct, there are no errors.”

“Your hair, Lynk. What’s up with your hair?”

For months she’s kept visuals down, claiming it necessary for repairs. She’s spaced out replies to hide the quick passing of time. Tony’s been through enough, he’s done enough worrying about her, other Avengers, everything...she doesn’t want add to his troubles.

“Lynk?”

She sighs, confesses. “Time moves different here.”

“How?”

“I don’t know, sometimes it feels faster, others at a stand still. Faster overall though.”

Tony takes a deep breath, trying to stay calm. “How long since we’ve last spoken? For you.”

“Four, maybe six, months.”

“Jesus Christ.” The paperclip he’s fiddling with snaps, he tosses it aside with a sigh. “You’ve been alone that whole time?”

“I have my assistant, Rags.”

“Your slave.”

“Assistant. I explained that.”

Tony starts to pace. “Yeah, yeah.” If he stays still he’ll feel all the more helpless. “But all this time, no Thor? Ash? Gabe?”

“I communicate with Ash.”

“Communicate?”

“Speak with.”

“And the others?”

“I know where they are.”

“Where?”

“Somewhere I can’t get to yet.”

“Meaning?”

“I’ll get to them later.”

“When?”

“When our plan works.”

He didn’t even wanna ask, but... “And what’s the plan, Lynk?”

Valkyrie can’t help but wonder what, exactly, Ash is planning. He’s gone from disobedient contender to the only other scrapper to compete with her. Beat her, on certain weeks. Of course it’s not just the sting of pride that makes her suspicious, it’s him going from openly opposing The Grandmaster to seeming to cater to the man. Grandmaster wants a Badoon contender, Ash finds him one. Grandmaster wants a Dire Wraith, Ash gets one of those. Worse yet, each of them seem eager to fight.

He selects carefully, using his abilities to pick out those who, at first glance, seem only eager to do battle and win The Contest of Champions. Yet, he stacks the deck in his - their - favor, finding those who can be directed elsewhere under a good leader. Someone like Thor, who Ash reassures this will work. This will work, if Thor can hold their respect and they follow him when the time is right.

Ash keeps tabs on Lynk through others at first, not daring to approach. Not with The Grandmaster’s people watching so closely, so ready to go for him. As he’s given more leeway he uses intermediaries and eventually she’s able to send him a bit of comms tech - one that only she can control.

“Lynk?” He mutters, knowing she’ll pick him up, clear as day.

“I’m on with Tony. He’s figured it out.”

“I’m not surprised, put us together.”

Lynk does and Tony immediately speaks. “What’s the plan, Ash?”

“You’re in no state of mind to discuss this with us, Mr Stark.” He remains polite as ever.

“Bullshit. Who says? You? Your powers aren’t that strong, Ash. Tell me what it is you’re planning now.”

“Just keep helping Lynk with the technology.”

“You’re going to get yourselves killed!” Tony snaps, breaths coming too fast. “Just leave, we’ll have S.H.I.E.L.D. send for Thor and Gabe, reassemble The Avengers.”

Ash smiles. “Lynk says you understand the time situation now, so you should realize they may get here too late.”

“Thor’s a god, Gabe as good as.” Without a touchpoint to what’s going on, Tony only thinks of physical dangers.

“You know better than most how time, events, can change people in profound ways. We wait on anyone from Earth, they may end up saving very different people.”

“It’s a risk I’m willing to take,” Tony states flatly, thinking of Lynk - who cannot survive what Thor and Gabe can - over the others.

“Well, I’m not.” Ash counters firmly. “Lynk, cut his feed, we need to talk privately”

Lynk hesitates as Tony insists he be kept on. “I...” But she knows what’ll be better in the long run. “I’ll call back later, Tony.” She disconnects him mid-rage. “He’s going to hate you,” she says to Ash.

“I can take it.”

“Did you find the being you were looking for?”

“Yes, I’m going to see them now. Tomorrow I’ll find you. Are you ready?”

“Yes.”

“Is Rags?”

“He says yes.”

“Good.”

“What if you can’t change her mind?”

“Let’s hope it doesn’t come to that.” Ash’s gone this long without using violence, he’d hate to have to with someone who might not completely deserve it. Yet, sensing distrust nearby, he looks around and finds her watching him as she drinks and realizes...He might have to.

Just speeding up time - it is Sakaar after all - and letting ya’ll know how things are for Lynk and Tony (and Rags). As you can see, Ash and Lynk have at least reconnected on some level since being separated and are, in fact, working together on an escape plan for all of them. I think Tony was unknowingly part of it as he helps Lynk with tech stuff, but now he’ll have to make the choice if he stays out of it or goes all in on his end. Valkyrie remains a bit of a wild card, but Ash has plans to “handle” her as well - preferably without violence, but that may end up being up to her, LOL!!

Gifs found on Google, adjusted/combined by me.

Tagged: @chibiyanai @lady-crowned-with-stars @moonfaery @annievvv7 @ladyfluff @holykryptonitekitten @lokilvrr @janebrownnie @lokis-little-kitten @alexakeyloveloki @theangelsfightwithdevils @the-blue-tiefling @lokis-lady-death @dangertoozmanykids101 @prometheasmother @vethrvolnir @wintertink @amethyst-dreams-and-candy-canes @drakonwild @starscreamloki @judas-nipples @hiddles-rose @the-lady-witchitery @galaxies-inside-my-head @jackheart180 @lukeevansandjdmobession @endlessstairway @lanabanana-86 @tom-fucking-hiddleston-1981 @lovekrystina @madoka73 @lokikingofasgardslover713 @partiallyinthecloset @ultrarebelheart @gravitational-anomaly @manip-loki @sweetfictionalworld @lowcarbgem @tarithenurse @boredbrooder @beccaliciooouuusss @michellearel1 @toozmanykids …This is everyone from the original tag list, if you want on or off, just lemme know! (Strike-throughs are those Tumblr refused to tag properly)

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dnd5a · 4 years

Text

Patch 2.5 - Rune of the Deus

This patch focuses on the reworks of two classes, as well as a core feature of the game: Inquisitor, Runeshaper and races, respectively. Each of these classes/features are widely liked aspects of the game, and have been frequently utilised, but all three are fairly sloppy in a variety of ways that I’m looking to fix.

CLASSES

INQUISITOR Inquisitors have been the sinister-but-clunky offspring of cleric and paladin since day one. They’ve always had a clear theme, but have been held back by overcomplicated subclasses, a poor spell list and low overall power. This major overhaul seeks to improve on that power significantly by providing not-insignificant buffs to every major aspect of the class.

Buff - Judgements Most judgements have received minor buffs across the board. Judgement Decrees are regained on a short or long rest from 1st level, instead of 5th.

Buff - Spellcasting Experimenting with whole classes that are third casters has been interesting, but has largely proven to be awkward, underpowered and unfun.

Inquisitor is now a half-caster, like paladin, with a vastly improved and expanded spell list. Following the design philosophy introduced with Runeshaper and Shaman, half-casters that do not specifically focus on martial combat will gain access to cantrips.

Rework - Divine Boons Originally, divine boons were meant to be a minor, tertiary aspect of inquisitor, but they all proved to be too awkward to be worthy of inclusion in the class itself

New Divine Boons grant inquisitors access to: a single warlock spell slot, extra attack, or the ability to use their Devotion feature on others.

Rework - Exalted Judgement Now gained at 7th level, but you may only choose one judgement to exalt, choosing more as you gain levels.

New - Zealous Devotion A high-level ability that allows you to more effectively conserve devotion.

Rework - Holy Inquisition: Conversion Originally a support-themed subclass. Conversion now focuses on enemy-disruption and charm effects

New - Holy Inquisition: Judicator A new subclass that focuses specifically on entrapping the spirits of the dead to act as your servants, augmenting your spells and attacks

RUNESHAPER Runeshaper has been a favourite pretty much since its inception, but has always suffered from its lack of balance in its core feature: the runes themselves. This major update streamlines the main class more clearly, whilst balancing the runes out more effectively.

Buff - Spellcasting Runeshapers now use their artisan’s tools as their arcane focus, and gain one new spell every level, instead of having a set curve.

Rework - Runes The runes have been completely redesigned from scratch. All subclass, dependant runes have been removed as, whilst some were interesting, most were only there to fill space. Certain staples, such as Mark of Force, Mark of Speed, and Glyph of Enchantment, have remained largely the same. However, notably problematic or underpowered runes, such as the infamous, Glyph of Precision have either been shifted around in tier, or removed entirely.

Rework - Runic Discharge One of the core aspects of the runes, runic discharge, despite there being three ongoing runeshaper character across multiple games, has been used a grand-total of once. This is largely down to the discharge effects not being at all worth losing the passive benefits.

Now called ‘Runic Surge,’ this feature no longer has the rune disappear, and can be used a set number of times per day, once per rune.

Removed - Arcane Ingenuity Losing your runes for spell slots was nowhere near worth it

Buff - Mathematical Precision Moved to 11th level

Buff - League of Artificers Mechanical servant’s bonus to hit is now equal to your spell attack modifier. Additionally, certain augmentations have been altered, and Enhanced Strike Servos has been moved to a 10th level feature, instead of an augmentation.

Buff - League of Bloodcarvers Now get Extra Attack, instead of the previous, more situational version. Bloody Focus introduced as a new 14th level feature.

New - League of Cardsharps Live out the only good anime trope and throw magic cards at people, whilst rolling a frankly, unreasonable amount of dice.

Rework - League of Demonologists Dark Slots made very little sense and were quite bad. Features now have their own set uses.

New - League of Eldenshapers Invoke ancient giant runes and take on their power.

Buff - League of Rune Warriors Now get Extra Attack, instead of the previous, more situational version. Arcane Bulwark now does not require you to lose runes, instead costs spell slots.

Rework - League of Scriveners Maybe learning literally every rune was a bad idea? New feature now allows you to swap spell and rune damage types.

RACES

The races document has needed updating quite desperately for years now, and it’s finally been done. Outside of setting-specific races, each race has been tweaked or altered in some capacity to fit better within the game, with many races either getting the axe, or being revamped in some capacity.

Only major, overarching changes will be listed here, because otherwise this section would be ridiculously long.

Nerf - Aarakocra Now have the physiology of the Rito from Zelda, in that their wings and arms are one and the same. They cannot fly and wield weapons or use somatic components simultaneously, reducing their overpowered nature at low levels.

New - Aasimar The revised, official introduction of the aasimar, who are now flavoured as celestial tieflings, their inversion.

Rework - Centaur Equine Build added to to prevent T H E S T A C K

Rework - Darkvision Far too many races just *had* darkvision for the sake of having it, which rendered a major aspect of dungeon-delving and stealth more or less a non-factor. Many races that previously had darkvision now instead have “Low-Light Vision,” which only affected dim-light, and not darkness.

The Half-Races have been dropped down to low-light vision

Gnomes have been dropped down to low-light vision

Mousefolk have gained low-light vision

Orcs have been dropped down to low-light vision

Silva have been dropped down to low-light vision

Rework - Dragonborn An old change, but this is the first time it’s been officially written in a patch note to my memory

Breath weapon now has charges, which can be expended to massively increase it’s damage and overall impact, making it worth using ever. They also have natural weapons now too.

Rework - Dwarves, Halflings, Hval & Mousefolk Each of these race’s subraces were fair too tied to cultures and statistically irrelevant to need existing. They have all been removed, with one of them being fused with the main class.

Duergar and ratfolk have been added as variants for their respective races

Rework - Goblinoids Each goblinoid subspecies has been combined into one super-race. Verdan, whilst nerfed, have also been added.

Nerf - Hval Cold resistance removed as they were too over-loaded, especially after the subrace fusion

Rework - Kobolds In their original form, kobolds are a horribly balanced mistake of a race. This new version seeks to rectify Wizard’s of the Coast’s horrible design into something more reasonable.

Pack Tactics replaced with Gang Tactics which increases your ability to flank, and enhances the benefits you and one other creature gain from flanking. Ability score improvement changed to +2 DEX, +1 CHA

New - Merfolk The triton are stupid, so here’s something better

New - Naga The yuan-ti are stupid and incredibly overpowered, so here’s something better

Rework - Satyr Magic resistance changed to Limited Magic Resistance (once per day), because jesus fucking christ. Added fey ancestry, because they’re literal fey.

Buff - Silva Now have Hybrid Nature (plants) because they are actual plants. Reworded their Photosynthesis, so it actually represents what photosynthesis means. Now can root themselves in place as an action, once per day allowing them to gain tremorsense

SPELLS

Many spells from the first Archive have been completely reworked, but listing all the changes would take fucking ages, so I just won’t

New - Ray of Stupidity Reduce mental stats

New - Timewalk 1U - Sorcery - Take an extra turn after this one.

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flipwizardmcgay · 5 years

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A stranger keeps hitting on Adaine despite her saying she's not interested. Her friends decide to hit him back.

Sylvr Vanala was having a pretty good day up until he was pulled into an alleyway on Augefort’s campus walking between classes.

And then he finds himself face to face with five out of the six most notorious sophmores in the Adventuring Academy, and a fucking arcubus pointed at his face, and his day is well and truly ruined.

“Jesus, Riz!” the girl in the flannel and tie-dyed shirt said, eyes wide, and the small goblin holding the gun sneered, still staring at Sylvr with sharp teeth bared.

“No, it’s good. Put some real fear into him.” the taller tiefling in the back grinned, shadowed eyes glaring, the half-orc next to her looking a little nervous.

“Quiet, all of you.” the handsome elvish boy holding Sylvr to the brick school wall orders. “You there. You know who we are, yes?”

“Y-yes.” Sylvr stammers out, the boy holding him and the tiefling looking pleased at his answer. “You’re-you’re those kids who saved the school last year.”

“Damn right.” the girl in the back laughs.

“But more importantly, we’re Adaine Abernat’s friends.” the goblin boy added, eyes narrowing. “And she says you’ve been bothering her a lot lately.”

“I-I-I was just-I was asking her out!” Sylvr tells them, “Not a crime to do that!”

“Not taking no for an answer kinda is?” the half-orc boy says, and the flannel-wearing girl shifts her gaze to him.

“It is?”

“Well, uh, it depends on the severity and context? Like my parents always told me-”

“Gorgug.” the boy holding Sylvr says, and the other boy falls silent. “Right, as we were saying. You will leave Adaine alone from now on. She is not, nor ever will be, interested, are we clear?”

“And if you continue to bother her,” the tiefling girl continues, a grin forming on her face, “well. Riz, d’you wanna tell him?”

The goblin boy smiles slowly, flicking the safety off his gun slowly and deliberately. “Sure, Fig. We’re just gonna have another talk, Sylvr Vanala. And maybe you'll learn something about messing with our friends.”

The handsome boy releases him at that, letting Sylvr stumble a bit as he lands before clapping his hands on his shoulders, hard enough to bruise. “Good. Glad we could talk.”

Sylvr is out of the alley as soon as he’s released, running as fast as he can away.

He withdraws from the Divination specialty class the next day.

#jamiebluewind #fantasy high #flip fics #adaine abernant #riz gukgak #fabian seacaster #fig faeth #gorgug thistlespring #kristen applebees

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renaer-is-allegedly-hot · 4 years

Text

session 12 notes

one day . one day i swear i will fix this formatting but today is not that day

Lol late is my brand

Let's go

The halflings can stack up under a trench coat

Adam has disguise self

Aerana and asyna don't need to do anything kinda

Now we're talking abt the road to el dorado

We just killed loser boy

Kenku got info from adam, cel and theo

What are we doing lmao

Adam is jiggling the small room's door and we go inside the room

Inside looks like an office, shelf w pickled body parts + cataloguing what the parts r and what they do

They were running away lmao ok

Yes we're still salty about this

"different interpretations of charm person" - jacob, 2020

Body part stuff

No halfling writing system in waterdeep

Dwarf toes, elven ears

Magic items ? Cel rolls perception 22

Weird jar w dull amber colored liquid, don't know if it's magical but noticed; unlabeled

"the jar of necrotic pee" - jacob, 2020

Smells like aloe

Adam smells his fire-resistant potion and it smells more like burnt ash

Smth else cel found has strange engravings

Just looks like metal bar

Boxy squarish iron bar abt the size of a halfling; it's strong but surprisingly light

Adam picks it up and hits a wall w it

Adam rolls for attack, 4

Nothing rlly happens

Makes a ringing sound

None of us can read giant

Looks rlly strange, written in blocky linear runes

A few things on it that stick out like engravings of ppl

Big bearded humanoids but small and fine so difficult to make out

Adam rolled 17 for investigation through files

Some stuff related to running wig shop; shop was at least somewhat a legitimate business

Notes abt billing for criminal organizations and guilds

Some ref to meeting w xant middlemen who would collect bodies

Names

Noska

Hired gorrick to track us down ??

N ?????

Adam looking for a key in the desk, doesn't find it

Head to the chest, adam tries to open

Not locked

A bunch of teeth

It's a mimic, adam has to roll damage

Adam is hit

Adam takes 10 damage

We're looking at diff things around the room and then hear a screech of pain as adam gets bitten

Slams down on adam's hand and four little eyes pop up and stare as it eats adam's hand

Mimic takes 9 damage as adam explodes

Cel shoots an arrow into the eye

22 to hit, 8 damage

Adam uses cutting words

-1d6

"hey fuck"

Adam could try to pull his hands away

Adam pulls his hands out

Adam bends down to it and takes a ration out of his backpack

"dom I'm gonna bend down to it"

The chest has closed back

Adam is going to throw rations instead, dex check

13; doesn't open so adam drops food on its head

Chest sits there looking at adam and eventually out of the side of the chest a weird stretchy amoeba-like arm comes out of it, takes the food and throws it in its mouth

"who's a good boy ? Who's a good boy !! Who's a good chest !!" adam, 2020

Adam takes out all his five rations and makes a trail leading out of the room

Chomper ? Maybe

It looks uninterested and its eyes have shut

Looks exactly like a chest now and hasn't moved; still has an arrow but just looks like a normal chest

It's a small chest that's pickuppable

Adam wants to walk his chest

Adam casts sleep on the chest

7d8s

27hp

When adam casts sleep the chest doesn't move, adam rolls perception 5

Adam tries to pick it up from behind v carefully from the bottom

It's kinda stuck to the floor and the wall; doesn't appear willing to budge

Asyna is still ape!asyna

Tries picking it up from behind like adam

Rolls a 6; won't move

One of its creepy tendrils sticks out and hits ape!asyna

10 bludgeoning damage; ape!asyna basically got slapped but now stuck to the chest

It's kind of loose now

Ape!asyna rolls a 20 and yanks it off the wall, now just dangling off asyna's arm and it's heavier than asyna thought it was

Feels dense

Adam is gonna try and tie its mouth shut

"he kinda starts flailing around a bit" dom, 2020

"aw he likes his new leash" jacob, 2020

Jacob gets hit again

Ape!asyna is gonna try and pull it off, 17 and gets off

Large clump of fur comes off and it's painful

adam "I'm going to try and use centrifugal force to swing it over my head"

"make a strength check" dom, 2020

Rolls 17

Slams it on desk, doesn't let go, nature check adam has no idea what it is

At some point the chest drops off, we stand back and adam casts shatter

11 damage

Chest kind of melts into the floor almost like it deflated, starts snaking way across room until it finds a hole and slithers up and disappears

"fuck you too chompi" adam 2020

Where it dissolves is 20 gold

"n I c e . That was worth the four spell slots" adam, 2020

Adam disguises self and turns into his dad

Adam is a tiefling

Dad is not a tiefling

Taller, dark black hair but not curly, short on the sides + floof forward

Looks more confident than adam

Same freckles

No one knew adam had freckles

Look p similar overall

Sounds the same as adam when he talks

He's a human

We don't know it's adam's dad

"a real dilf" dom, 2020, about adam's dad

"not like your REAL DAD, JACOB, JESUS" dom, 2020

Now we don't have time to unpack ALL OF THAT

Gonna find a hotel or smth

Except gotta disguise selves first

In the wig shop there is any wig u could possibly desire

Some mounted beards

Can't tell if any of the wigs r magical

I don't haAve magicccc :(

Adam puts a blonde wig on the ape

I thought asyna un-aped

Asyna un-apes and disguises self as asyna

Theo takes a long brunette wig w a braid down the back

Cel wants to pretend to be adam's child

Gets a curly dark hair wig

Hammer pants

Cel theo and adam all have freckles

It's nighttime springtime in waterdeep; it's raining

Trades ward going to find a hotel

Avoid own houses for awhile

Going to nearest inn

Let's go to the yawning portal

It is an inn not just a bar

Typ is in fact in the trades ward

One room as the father and two daughters and one room as lesbian elves

Durnan's downstairs and is friends w mirt

We head over to typ

This ward is busier than others we've seen at this time of night

Walk over to side entrance of typ

It never shuts down; always ppl here

Familiar warmth as we approach

Bard competition

Ppl placing bets, drinking, sitting in booths

The rooms r upstairs

Adam calls himself lysander

"a room for me and my daughters"

They get a room on the third story

Room on the third floor

We rendezvous in adam's room

We hear a scream echo out from the well

Adam has two plans

One includes his pants

The pants plan is we track down the dude w the pants

Second includes him singing, waiting to get mugged by the zants

Get mercenary help ?

Pants is plan c

Durnan is plan a

Cel is portia

Theo is lavinia

The doors lock

Long rest? Long rest maybe later

Adam and cel go up to one of the goliaths

"hey there big friend"

He looks like a well-read person

Takes out honey and asks him if he knows what it is

O it's honey

"well there r means of finding this out . For a price"

How much per item - FIVE GOLD

Adam hands him 10 gold and the big rod

"this is a jar of ointment that was first created by the wizard kyogton" I have no idea what that wizard's name is but that's what it sounded like

A dose can be swallowed or applied to the skin and in addition to healing and rejuvenating health, any poison or disease it may have is instantaneously cured

Can't tell how many doses in it

It's v expensive, v rare

Now the stick and he looks uber interested in it

"hm , where did you find this"

"my dad's attic ,,, he's a hoarder"

"let's make a deception check with a capital d"

Nat 1

Adam tells this guy the whole thing and the guy nods

"this is a valuable piece . Would you be interested in parting with it"

Cloud giants made them so their servants could help them build their castles

It's an immovable rod

Writing speaks of ancient cloud giants that were war-inclined

Flat button on the end of it

He sticks it out into the air and presses the button; when he takes his hand away, the rod doesn't fall and it stays floating in the air

Adam grabs onto it but he can't move it

Anybody can push the button tho

Adam asks what the goliath is offering

Offers us 5,000 gold

Adam gets his name - woetheir ????

Woetheir frequents typ when he's here

They're going on a quest; were asked by the open lord to complete a task on the isle of chault

Adam's gonna go to bed

Cel's gonna take a bath

We take long rest

Durnan time

Adam gives durnan a quick rundown of what happened

"ayo what's poppin durnan long time no see my guy"

It's morning it's 9ish breakfast time

Doesn't give any indication whether or not he recognizes them

Adam asks for scrambled eggs and bacon

Adam's asking if he knows anything abt the xants

Theo asks durnan if there's somewhere more secluded they can talk

Gestures to one of the booths and theo cel adam go over

They're uh . Telling durnan everything p much

He has look of passive disinterest but slightly less disinterest the more of the story they tell

"how is mirt?"

"he has renaer and floon"

"he's let himself go"

The xants r v powerful; leadership inscrutable even to open lord herself

Prior, durnan didn't care abt open lord

Guesses whoever obtains the stone would b hunted by the city which could b problematic

Half a million gold dragons

Could get help outside the city ? Roots go deep but do not extend outwards

Flee or contact city officials

"I think theo has a crush on him" adam, 2020

Stone is likely being taken or was already taken to guild hq

We could bust into hq but probs bad idea

Durnan says he's sure anyone could break into xants hq

Lmao durnan sounds so weighed down by life

Every now and then he looks over to well

Durnan is basically saying friendship is magic

The xants don't often come to typ and don't draw swords there

They fear it and durnan

"what's the hole?" adam rolls for insight, dirty 20

Odd expression comes across durnan's face

Mixture of disgust and longing

Uh … disgust and longing … for a hole? Ok durnan

We don't have to talk abt that I guess

Cel asks durnan to send a message to mirt to let him know we're safe but probs not gonna see him for awhile

Apparently the xants aren't too particular abt their henchmen

He says ask the barkeep abt it

Passive perception

At some point durnan leaves and right as theo says that we hear a loud thump and someone says "cripes"

Jones ?

Cel looks under the table and there's jones

Cel drags him out

Theo has a new idea "hey guys let's not go through with using adam as bait yet"

Adam looks down at the goblin and threatens to make him deaf

Plan d is to eat jones

We take jones upstairs

Theo explains her new plan

If the stone is already at their hq

We go to them

Jones doesn't mess w the xants

Why is jones rhyming

What r we talking abt lmao oops I was looking at primary results

I'M SCREAMING I DIDN'T KNOW GOODSPACEGUY WAS 81

No one has asked us for info abt the stone ?

Lmao is this like @me abt what's his name

Jb nevercaught ???? Jp nevercaught ?????? Idk who he is

What's our goal

We gotta figure out what we wanna do ig

We just wanna know where the xants r otherwise we duct tape his mouth and tie him up

"consider it stroked and very, very much needed" jones, 2020

To the dock ward in a wrecked whale oh the wrecked whale

"not the erect whale" cel, 2020 ????

There's a knock at the door

There's no peephole

Asyna asks "who is it"

HAHAHHAHAHA

MARGUERITE LMAO

"uh I work at the bar downstairs uh durnan had some - he wanted to speak to the drow"

I'm screwed

He has page hat on

"first durnan said we could stay as long as we'd like"

And he was offered money by this guy to speak to me

There's an elven man w v long and stringy hair, pointed nose and pointy ears

Looks rlly skinny and physically weak

Looking over scrolls

"guess who"

What the fuck

Nareel ??? naREEL????? WHO THE FUCK IS NAREEL???????

I don't kNOW WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING !!!!!!

The stone fascinates him

Offering us partial membership

Occasional encouragement to go on various missions

He has resources

Treasure and gold involved, but not for the weak-willed

Offering 500 gold for completion of a task

They have captured a high-ranking member of the xants and tried to get info of him

More resilient than they thought he would be

They need him back in three days

Is this a roast session ???? Of aerana ???? When she dips to hang out with the other guy ???????

They're trying to figure out who her friend is

Jones wanted to be a painter

Adam is offering to have jones join us to maybe kill him??????

If he wants gold he has to go get it

They'll keep

"I'm gonna fill your goody bag real good so you better keep your mouth shut" adam, 2020 to jones

Oh god I'm such an avoidant lmao

Oh god I don't

"these conversations will become more difficult as things become more difficult but I think for now that went as well as it could have possibly gone"

"you will find him in your basement"

wHICH BASEMENT

We're gonna go home

To the north ward we go

You go to the basement

The ropes look kinda weird

He's not tied with rope

They're metal bands looped around him

Metal bindings

Doesn't look like he's gonna get out of it

Adam and cel don't see anything out of the ordinary but have noticed things moved around a little bit

Dwarf w dark brown skin, white/gray beard, looks roughed up - not injured, just worse for wear

Adam has him make a wisdom saving throw

Adam charms him

Approaches him first

Adam starts massaging his shoulders

Jfdkaslfha then takes the gag off

"are you here to let me out?" the dwarf

"even better I'm here to spend some quality time with you" adam, 2020

Says he has to get back to the master

Master silgar must be fed

His sacred duty is to feed master silgar

Master silgar has a shimmering son what

"Shakes the oceans with a swish of his body"

In the beginning there was xanathar and then he said silgar should be the one they care for until the seas rise and destroy the city

Controls the eye of the xanathar as the eye of the xanathar control him

His name is ot stillgeer

Adam says his name is cain

Blasphemy for adam to propose bringing lord silgar to him

Lord silgar lives in a great temple

He's the high priest of silgar

We're telling him it's our summer home

Adam winks at everyone and we go upstairs

Adam casts second-level sleep on him

44hp puts him to sleep

Adam is gonna disguise-self a beard when the dwarf next wakes up

Stage it so it looks like he had been there for a month

Everyone changes their clothes

Tally marks on the wall

It's like late afternoon at this time

Adam tells him he woke up after 79 days, rolls for deception

Rolls a 24

Looks over and says "79 days"

"am I dead"

"no but the xanathar want you dead"

"I'm free"

23 for deception

Lord silgar is a fish? A fish ? A goldfish

Lord xanathar loves his goldfish more than anything

Ot has to replace the fish

19 mans is telling the truth

Not really any sign we're being watched when cel rolls for perception

We watch ot, take turns resting and surveilling our own house

Night comes

When asyna is on watch in the tower

Sees figures start making way across street to our house

6 humanoids start trying to break into the house

Glass shatters as one goes through a window

The tapestry was lord silgar

The goldfish has no connection to the koi fish asyna spoke to

Two objectives?

Find the stone

Or control the xanathar w a fish

The stone is a map to half a million gold

#12 #sn #dnd #wdh #d&d

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