bluejaytaco

[bluejaytaco]

Exorcism

I couldn't get this idea out of my head until I wrote it down. May or may not be continued.

Summary: What if Charlie is right? What if demons can be redeemed? but what if it isn't going to end in sunshine and rainbows? What if it takes a darker path?

Also, radiodust.

-

The bell rang out and echoed all across Pentagram City in warning. The yearly purge was upon them. The ringing continued to announce as many demons sought shelter in hopes of hiding from the mass of angels who would soon descend upon Hell and exterminate any and all demons caught in their wake. The streets would be deserted.

Which meant it would be a lovely morning for Alastor to take a walk.

He knew Charlie would be hold up in her room for most of the day as she tried to block out the guilt of knowing her people were being mass murdered. He knew Vagatha would stay loyally by her side and offer words of comfort in this time. Nifty and Husk would busy themselves with cleaning and drinking respectively.

And Fat Nuggets would rest in Alastor's room atop the pink and white suit the swine had claimed as his own security blanket the day his 'daddy' disappeared.

A memory Alastor hoped would cease after nearly a year and a half since his disappearance, but he could only hope so much the wound would heal. The deer still found himself waking up in the middle of the night and expecting the spider to be there with a smile as if he never left. As if it were all just a bad dream.

No one but Nuggets needed to know that portion of the tale, however.

Alastor would continue to smile. He would pretend he didn't question what happened to Angel Dust and instead helped to comfort Charlie upon the fact she lost her number one patron. She blubbered on about how much progress he'd been making. Then to suddenly leave without a trace? To take none of his possessions?

No one knew where he went. Even after a very... spirited talk with his former employer, everyone was left to wonder.

And that is precisely why it was still in Alastor's mind. The night before his disappearance, Angel had smiled and flirted in all the ways Alator had grown accustom. He'd taken Fat Nuggets into his arms and planted a light kiss on Alastor's lips with a 'night Smiles.' Then he went to sleep, which Alastor watched peacefully before he himself drifted as well.

How? Why? Normally a mystery like this would be somehow caused by the Radio Demon in a little game. For the first few days, Vagatha had even thought it was what was happening.

But then she caught the tension in Alastor's smile as he tried his hardest to keep it in place.

“This.... isn't one of your games,” she said upon realizing it.

Alastor laughed bitterly. “No. I don't like this game.” He didn't look back but knew there was a change in Vaggie's expression. Most likely pity.

But that was then. When the wound was still fresh and flowing. On the day of the Second Angel-less Purge, the wound was festering. It burned in a way Alastor didn't know was possible. Had this happened to anyone else, he would be very interested to see how it all turned.

But now that it was happening to him? He wanted it to end.

Maybe he would get lucky. Someday, the wound would manifest into a disease that would then be his demise. When he had tried to describe the feeling to Rosie, she had called it a wounded heart. How strange of her to assume there was even a heart in him.

And how disgustingly sentimental to assume it would be his downfall.

But as he strode down the street and watched people run for cover, he kept looking up. The exorcists were coming in droves. They disappeared behind buildings and blood-curling screams followed shortly after. Many people ran away from the innermost part of the city.

Alastor walked towards it with the same confidence as any other day. He hummed to himself and smiled up at one of the neon-lit faces. He dared it to come for him.

And felt a large amount of disappointment when the angel looked away and flew towards the lust district.

“Ah, It would seem even you up there fear me! How interesting!” He let out a laugh and strode in the direction the exterminator was heading. He didn't like to be ignored, after all.

-

It was well known the way the exorcists moved through the city. After watching them for centuries, overlords knew how to keep themselves safe up until the moment they would leave. In most cases, the dumbasses wouldn't bother going into any buildings and only sought to kill those on the streets.

The prime targets were anyone currently acting in sin. To do so out in the open on the day of the Purge was a deathwish. Then, it was more about clearing the streets. Massive crowds and groups would be mowed down, then to those who wandered on their own. The creatures were not the biggest on picking off the ones who stray; it was more quantity than quality.

Which meant so long as an overlord was taking the time to relax rather than sin, they were fine. It was about lowering the population, after all.

But it would seem not every exterminator got the memo.

One crashed right through the glass of the VIP lounge in Valentino's club. For a moment, the people inside thought it was a mistake. The overzealous birdbrain probably lost track of its wings and just crash landed. But then a spear went right through the screen of Vox's head.

Valentino's eyes shot open wide at the sight and pressed back against his seat. This exorcist was bigger than the others. Its smile was glitching and looked older by comparison. At least he'd assume so; he didn't make a habit of trying to see one up close.

It stabbed in deep, its movements jerky and unstable. There was a strange sound of feedback which died as its head swiveled and the smile faced Valentino.

“Holy shit!” Velvet cried out. Her scream made the moth demon jump as he remembered she was even there.

But it was with that call that chaos ensued.

A chaos Alastor heard as he walked up and saw the giant broken glass. He tuned in to hear shouts and cries and begs of mercy. He heard Velvet babble incoherently before her voice croaked out a shout and ceased. He heard Valentino shouting for everyone to 'get the fuck out of his way!'

And it was then that things seemed to calm. Curiosity won Alastor over and he stepped into a shadow to find his way inside the gaudy clubhouse.

The sight that greeted him was interesting to say the least. The entire lounge was torn apart. Bodies were ripped to shreds and completely unrecognizable. As he walked, he could see bits and pieces of Vox. Something he noticed with slight disappointment. Well, maybe he shouldn't have taken his time. It looked as if an exorcist beat him to the dismantlement of that infuriating television.

He couldn't help but let out a soft chuckle there.

Aside from the short zapping of wires, Alastor's boots clicking across the floor were the only sounds from the usually lively studio.

“My, my...” he turned a corner with little care to stumble into the beast who did this. “What a mess you have caus-hrmph-!”

He was interrupted as a pair of hands wrapped around his mouth, then a second pair grabbed his wrists to prevent him from summoning something. He fell back against a taller form and felt fur against the back of his head. He allowed himself to be dragged into a dark room. For a moment, he had a pang of hope. Perhaps Angel had truly been kidnapped by Valentino and used this as an escape attempt.

But that hope faded when Alastor heard the angry voice in his ear.

“The fuck you think you're doing?!” Valentino hissed. “You're gonna get me and the rest of my whores killed!”

Alastor brought a leg up and slammed the heel of his shoe right in Valentino's crotch. A pair of hands let go to tend to the abused organ which left Alastor with an opening to pull free completely.

His smile turned into a sneer of disgust. “Don't ever touch me!”

“I saved your fucking life just now, you cannibalistic murder-bambi freak!”

As if on cue, a shadow of an exorcist walked by the door and paused by it.

Valentino pressed himself up against the wall and used an arm to force Alastor to follow suit.

Alastor thought for a moment on tearing off the offended limb, but paused as he noticed the shaking, half dressed performers on the other side of the room. Normally, he would put an end to this with little care as to who or what was watching.

But then there was the sound of feedback. His ear twitched at the noise. Odds of any of them surviving a fight with one of the angels was slim to none.

There was a whimper from one of the scantily clad people in the corner, but it calmed when Valentino glared in the direction and put a finger up to his lips.

As the shadow faded and disappeared, Valentino relaxed. He kept his position as he looked out the door.

Then clenched his jaw to keep from screaming in pain when his arm was suddenly bent out of place with a sickening 'snap!'

He pulled the offended arm away from Alastor. “You fuckin' asshole!”

“I gave you a clear warning, my promiscuous friend,” he said with a shrug. He grinned widely. “Do not. Touch me.”

Valentino cradled his arm as he glared at Alastor. “Normally, I'd have shot you down and used your corpse as a toy in one of my films, but today is different.”

“As adorable as it is that you believe you could harm me, I would like to remind you there will not be a third warning as to personal space. Do what you will with that information.”

“You are one dense motherfucker, you know that?” Valentino sneered and looked at the door before back at Alastor. “Didn't you see what that thing did to Vox and Velvet?! You think it ain't gonna come after us next?!”

“If you fear being mangled like your compatriots, then might I suggest running to whatever place you deem safe?” The sound of feedback was slowly returning, something no one else seemed to notice. But Alastor couldn't see a need to warn the pimp. He tilted his head. “Perhaps in one of your other seedy studios? Or wherever you hid Angel Dust?”

“Holy shit, you're still not over that walking talking fleshlight?” Valentino's sneer widened. “Look, I get it; he was a good piece of ass, 'specially for someone who don't know any better ones. But I told you he wasn't with me. He wasn't worth the fight with you then and he ain't worth it now.”

There was the sound of a hushed whimper from the corner as the feedback grew. Valentino was too caught up in his insulting Alastor to notice or care what his whore was crying about.

“Find someone else to get your dick wet. It migh-hrk!” Valentino's eyes flew open wide as the long sharp end of a spear stabbed through his chest. The shock didn't waver as blood found its way up his throat and out his mouth.

Alastor watched with a moment of grim satisfaction as the spear sliced up. Blood burst out like a fountain as Valentino was cut from chest to shoulder, covering both the Radio Demon and the exterminator in bright red.

As the smile glitched on its face, that good feeling retreated like a scared animal. Alastor suddenly felt something he hadn't felt since he was a child. It curled coldly around his heart and squeezed.

Fear.

He heard his mother's voice as if he were five again. Father had been mad at him and looked at him with murderous intent. She stepped in. She was screaming at him to run.

Just like back then, he followed the order before he could even realize what he was doing. He disappeared into the shadows and only hoped the exorcist wouldn't follow.

-

“Ohhh, yes~ Cum for me, Daddy~” She arched and begged the john to finish it up. The last thing she wanted was to die out in a car while some asshole had her bent over the backseat. She felt a little safe being right outside the studio, but it was still a dangerous place to be.

It didn't help that her client was taking forever to finish.

Still, she played it up and hoped her pleasured moans and begging would be enough to push him over the edge. She already heard screaming and death around them. The exterminators were so close. But that only seemed to spur him on; the sick freak.

She listened as his panting became more labored and thrusts a little more desperate. So, she begged some more and sounded surprisingly genuine.

But then she let out a yelp of surprise when something large slammed down against the hood of the car.

She looked out the back window to see Valentino's mangled body stare back at her. She pulled off of the john who had stopped his thrusting once the body hit his car. With a quick maneuvering, she climbed out to see if it was really the overlord.

She touched him gingerly. It was. And he was very very dead.

She looked up and froze in fear at the sight of an exorcist in the sky right by a broken window in the building above. It didn't look down at her and instead opted to follow something inside. Whoever it was looked to be heading for the roof.

She took that opportunity to run the opposite direction. Let the john deal with his blue balls; she was gonna not be here if/when that thing came back.

Meanwhile, Alastor could feel the exorcist following him. It was an odd creature. Most didn't target any particular demons. It was especially rare for them to target overlords. Yet here he was with one hot on his tail.

But he only needed to get to the roof. If it was still following him then, he could summon his tentacles and crush it under the weight of his magic. Then from there, maybe he could find out why in all the Nine Hells it was so relentless.

As he burst out onto the roof, he turned and looked for the large bird-like figure in the sky. But before he could locate it, it located him and slammed its body into his.

Suddenly, he was off the ground and struggling in the grip nearly a mile above the studio roof. It was clearly intending on dropping him. But he managed to kick off the heavensent creature before it could let go on its own. If he was going to die a second time, it would be on his own terms.

To his dismay, the exorcist dove down after him, one hand on his throat and the other on the angelic spear in its hand. Alastor gripped the creature's wrist just as it attempted to stab him in the face. They continued to fall. The exorcist made no attempt to fly away and instead opted to push the demon down faster. Its wings flapped to gain even more speed.

Alastor snarled through his smile.

“If you believe I'll die as easily as the others, prepare to be sorely disappointed, foolish little angel!”

They continued to fall. The ground rushed up to meet them quicker and quicker. But the grip on him shifted and the smiling neon face glitched again. Behind it, Alastor heard a muffled voice. So painfully familiar.

“Al?”

At the sound, Alastor lost his smile completely. His mind was flooded with images of that voice using his name. In anger, in desperation, in lust, in exasperation, in lo-

He and the angel hit the city street with a loud, echoing 'Boom!'

-

He only wanted to step outside for one fucking second. Just to get one smoke in and make sure Nifty was safe as she dusted a few of the windows on the outside of the hotel. Once he had his cigar, he'd go back to the bar and drink until Charlie put on her fireworks display to signal the end of the annual purge.

Husk didn't want to come outside to see one of the exorcists descend upon the hotel.

For a moment, he only stood there, tense. He took a glance up at Nifty's location to see she had thrown herself into the hotel and slammed the window shut. Husk was about to do the same thing. But then he noticed the red mass draped over the exorcist's shoulder.

As it touched down on the ground in front of the hotel, it dropped the pin-striped mass like a giant lump of garbage. Husk's eyes shot open wide to see Alastor's limp body. He couldn't tell from his position if the demon was still breathing, but if he was, he looked like he could stop any moment.

“The fuck is this?!” Husk demanded as he gestured to Alastor. In all this time, no one had seen the exorcists care about their own weapons, much less the people they kill. And yet, here's one delivering a body to its place of origin.

The exorcist took a step back and turned with all the flare and grace of a dancer. It strode away, flapped its wings and took to the sky.

“Don't you fly away from me, you fuckin piece of shit!” Husk ran up and spread his own wings to give chase.

Ht just barely stopped himself when he heard a little voice behind him.

“Husk...?”

He turned to see Nifty knelt on the ground by Alastor's body. She pushed at his shoulder as if to try and shake him awake.

“He's not smiling.” She looked up at the cat as he walked back over. “Wh-why isn't he smiling?”

Husk looked down at the deer and brought a hand to his neck. He looked at Nifty with a frown.

“Go get Charlie. Tell her Alastor needs help. Now.”

-

No one paid attention to the direction the exorcists left. Everyone was too concerned with surviving to worry much about the disappearances of the death creatures. Once they were gone, it was time to return to business as usual.

So no one noticed when one of them veered off course to an abandoned part of the city. It knew for a fact this area would be empty. It knew because it used to disappear here to get shitfaced with a friend when it didn't want to deal anymore.

It paused for a moment in an old parking garage and leaned against a support beam. It hit the back of its head to the concrete a few times before deciding to remove it's mask.

“Holy shit...” Angel breathed out the words and looked down at the mask. “Holy shit... I can't....”

“Anthony.”

Angel jumped as the mask began to speak. He sat down on the ground. “Uh, y-yeah. What's up?”

“How're you doing on your first assignment? Did you end your traumas?”

“Yeah, totally! Got to straight up slice my abuser in half! It felt fuckin' amazing!”

He could hear the voice grumble at the word 'fuck' but it didn't push the issue. It was left alone in light of other issues. “And what about the other one? Your final trauma here?”

Angel paused at that. He wanted to lie and say he felt nothing more than satisfaction when he and the radio demon plummeted to the ground. But....

“I donno if I would call what me and Alastor had as 'trauma.'”

The voice cut out for a moment. Instead, it was replaced by a slick sound of thrusting and Angel's own wanton moans.

“Ohhh fuck! Al, Al we-”panting. “I'm getting sore. We gotta... Ah.. Oh... Ahhh FUCK!” the thrusting sound only increased. A low, dark chuckle could be heard before the feed was cut completely.

Angel glared at the mask.

“That was one week before you ascended,” the voice stated coolly. “How is he not part of your trauma?”

“Oh my fuckin God-!”

“Language, Anthony.”

“How many times do I have to tell you? We had a safeword!”

“Is he dead?”

“I,” Angel wanted to lie. He wanted more than anything to say that, yes, Alastor's body was torn to shreds just like the Vs. But he knew the angel on the other end would see right through his lies. “It ain't that simple, babe. Alastor ain't like the other overlords. He's.... a special case. I can't just kill him.”

There was a hum of consideration. For a moment, Angel was left in silence.

But then he heard the sound of wings flapping behind him. He let out a sigh and leaned his head back. “Fuck....”

“You asked for this, Anthony. And the death of the Radio Demon was part of the payment.”

He stood up and brushed some dirt off the suit. “Yeah, I know.”

The other exorcist brought up both hands and cupped Angel's face. “You do know what this means, don't you?”

Angel frowned. "No?"

“Until payment is made, you're locked out of the Kingdom of Heaven.” The cupped hands moved away as the other angel took a step back. “The moment the Radio Demon is confirmed dead, you may return. Until then, you are to stay in Hell.”

“Seriously?!”

“That's the rules, unfortunately. When you accepted the mission, you accepted it in its entirety.” The angel sounded sad. They reached up and patted Angel on the head. “We all want you to be able to move on, Anthony. And the best way to move on is to remove the temptation to fall back.” There was a frown in their voice. “To many of the people who only ever knew the Kingdom of Heaven, this would be a death sentence. But this was once your home and you are strong. I know we will see you again.”

Angel was speechless as his forehead pressed against the other's.

“Take care, my friend...” The angel pulled away and walked slowly for the exit.

Angel watched them fly off and slowly melted back to the ground. He stayed there until the bells rang out and Charlie's fireworks shot off into the sky to signal the end of the purge.

“Well, fuck...”

#hazbin hotel #alastor #charlie magne #vaggie #husk #nifty #fat nuggets #angel dust #vox #valentino #exorcist angels #radiodust #hazbin fanfic #writings #may or may not continue #we shall see

[bluejaytaco]

Alastor and Vox don't get along because Video killed the Radio Star.

Thank you.

#hazbin hotel #alastor #radio demon #vox #vivziepop #I don't know if it's been done but here ya go #shut up jay

[bluejaytaco]

What up? it DND wit Jay!

(We return to the realm where we are standing in front of a giant gold gate. There's a dwarf standing in front of it with a clip board in their hand, just flipping through.)

Alabaster: (walks up) H-Hail and well met, my friend.

Dwarf: Names?

Alabaster: Oh! Um, I'm fine.

Dwarf, flipping through his clipboard: Fine.... Fine.... Nope, not seeing any "fine" here.

Art: (Walks up)....What about Ebony?

Dwarf, flipping through: Uh, yeah. We got an "ebony".... He's an orc. And considering none of you are Orcs, I doubt any of you are Ebony.

Art: Uh, that's racist.

Theodora:... Quite a detailed guest list...

Koejin: (Walks up and points at a random name) That's me.

Dwarf, looks down at the name: Your Grenadine Ceriph? High priestess in Calor? (Context: Calor is a Tiefling city. Koejin is human... well... was)

Koejin: Yeah, that's me.

Dwarf, getting sick of us: Look, I don't have tie for you people messing... (looks up at Koejin and goes silent).... You're not supposed to be here. This isn't your realm.

Koejin: Uhhh... Well, I have business with the man in charge.

Dwarf: I'm gonna have to call Pelor.

The entire group: (various ways of saying, "You do that" From "yes, please do" to "yeah, get that fucking bitch here! I wanna speak to the manager!")

Dwarf, mumbling into a sending stone before looking back at us: Is one of you named Theodora?

Theodora: Uhh.... Yeah.

Dwarf: You guys can go in. That's all I needed because now I know your names. But thanks for lying to me!

(The gates open and we all walk through. It's less blinding, but only slightly less on the other side of the gate. We see people walking around and just enjoying their afterlife. In the far off distance, there is a silhouette of a giant castle. We can also see the opening to a large garden where Pelor is standing with his arms crossed. Some of us see Alabaster's daughter, Eris, stomping on the flowers.)

Pelor, voice booming towards us: Everyone, front and center!

(All of us go with different levels of reluctance. Hennessy leads the way while Art and Jaquine kinda trail back.)

Pelor: So, what is it you need from me? (He's still standing over us while Eris continues to stamp through the flowers.)

(For a moment, we're all silent.)

Theodora: We want to speak to Thia.

Pelor: Thia is not in a place to speak. She is in my castle now, practicing her abilities for the Cleanse.

Hennessy: Is she okay? You don't have her locked up somewhere, hurt, right?

Pelor: Hennessy, my dear boy. Would you lock up a tiger in a small cage? No, you would respect the animal. Thia is in a place of comfort and has free reign.

Hennessy: She's got free reign? So she can go smoke in every room of the castle?! Even your room?!

Pelor: uhh....yes...

Hennessy: Ohh that just won't do. That smell of recreational drugs gets into the fibers and it can be a bitch to get out.

Pelor, suddenly giving off the impression he would like to hurry this along so he could go clean: It doesn't matter. She is my key to cleansing the world and making it all light. And I can save you all, if you kneel before me and accept me as your true god.

(No one kneels but Hennessy does raise an eyebrow at the "kneel" comment.)

Koejin: So how do you promise our safety.

Pelor: Well, you are excluded from this. Your friends, however, are protected because my followers will all survive.

Art: Don't you need the dark to have the light?

Pelor:... You would think that. Ticket Master would have you think that. And you, specifically, reek of him.

Art: Uh, rude?

Pelor: You know what he wants, don't you? He wants me dead so he can be the god of light. His best friend being the god of darkness would mean the two of them would take over everything. The two of them would rule all.

(Art was trying really hard to not say how he didn't see this as a bad thing, considering his bias. But somehow, as everyone was arguing against the cleanse, it was returned to the subject of Art and Ticket Master.)

Pelor: I think we've had quite enough of this talk.

Art: Yeah, let's stop talking about Ticket Master and the guy who may or may not have had sex with him.

(Pelor reacted in disgust which just turned into Art shouting "Sex with Ticket Master!" at the god of light. The tiefling was really aiming to make the god throw up.)

Koejin, joining in: There were definitely tentacles involved!

Art: Lots of tentacles! Sooooo many tentacles!!!

Pelor: Enough! All of you! (grabs Eris by the hair) If none of you will take this seriously, there is no longer a reason to speak with you.

Eris, punching at the hand: Let go! (turns to Alabaster) Daddy! I don't wanna go!

(They walk through a wall made of marble that Hennessy tries to reach through to grab for Eris. He just barely pulls his hand back before the wall solidifies again and he loses his hand.)

Vincent, rushing up to Hennessy: What did you think you were doing?!

Hennessy: The girl didn't want to go with the man! And when the girl doesn't wanna go, you don't let her go!

Vincent: You're gonna make such a great dad!

(behind the garden and before the castle there was a massive labyrinth. We walked up to see two different entrances. Koejin ends up smelling something familiar but can't really pick where it's coming from.)

Art: Hmmm (turns to Red) think you can turn into a dragon and fly up? maybe we can see where to go.

Red, not all that enthused by the idea: Uhh, yeah, I guess. Step back.

(Everyone stands back to give her enough room to transform. She flies up to the edge of the maze, but once her talons hit the edge, they shoot up another hundred feet and knock her back down.)

Red, turns back into her base form and glares at everyone: Well, that didn't help!

Art: (shrugging) well, my plans aren't ever without fault.

(Hennessy casts detect magic and, aside from nearly having his brain explode from all the god magic around, he discovers on direction is dark magic while the other is light.

We end up going towards the dark side because we figure that's where Thia might be hiding.)

(First stop is a room with a sword in a stone. Hennessy can sense that the magic is dark, but it isn't the source.)

Koejin: (climbs up and pulls the sword from the stone and holds it up in the air. She then hears the sounds of us screaming in agony.)

What we see: Koejin pulling the sword out and standing with it like she's posing.

Art: Uhhh.... what is happening?

Theodora: Koejin? You okay?

Koejin vision! Art: (melting away and falling apart) You killed us!!!!

Koejin vision! Theodora: (Also melting) You let us dieeeee!!!!

Koejin, turning to see all this: No! No, I saved Art's life so many times! (Turns to Theodora) I'm sorry! I'm sorry!

Art: Koejin.... we're fine!

Koejin: (runs up to start trying to put Art's face back together. To everyone else, she'd just smooshing his face while still holding the sword.)

Theodora: (dispels the magic from the sword and a little imp pops free)

Koejin: (can now see that everyone's okay and it still just kinda groping Art's face.)

Art:....uh, Koejin?

Koejin: Yeah.... sorry. You were melting just now.

(We talk to the little imp briefly to find that he is a prisoner in the maze. He asks if he's free to go but as soon as he does, he's struck by lightning.)

(We continue down the path for a little bit before Koejin figures out that we're going the wrong way because she can no longer smell the "smelly smell that smells." In that time, Hennessy incinerated some talking furniture which the DM disappointedly let us know that we wouldn't be seeing the IKEA Lich. I have a feeling the IKEA Lich might pop up in a future one shot.

But also, we got this exchange.)

Theodora: (casts a spell in attempt to sober Koejin.)

Koejin: (starts screaming as her skin starts to burn) Stop!

Theodora: (stops immediately) I... I was just trying to help..

Koejin: I'm the God of intemperance, Theodora! You can't just sober me up!

Theodora: What?!

(This starts into a fight about how this isn't the weirdest thing we've been through while she continues to talk about how she wasn't expecting to hear her daughter was a god.)

Red: If I may, I can see where Theodora is coming from here. Be it the weirdest thing or not, finding out your child is involved in some affair with the gods can be surprising. (Shoots a look at Art) Like your son being intimately involved with a tentacle monster god.

Art:.... you weren't supposed to know about that....

Red: You were shouting about it just before while I was standing there.

Art:... right..... forgot you were there....

Red: Either way; something for us to talk about later, Sweetie.

Art rolling his eyes, sarcastically: But Mother, I love him.

((Koejin's Player: And I have to remember to write proper notes about what everyone knows and doesn't know.

DM: Eh, it's all out now))

(We head from the dark part to the light part and find ourselves walking down a hall for hours. It gets to the point where Mrs. Red starts to complain.)

Red: Ugh... when is this fucking thing going to end? Doesn't anyone have a way to move this along faster?

Art: It's going to feel like longer if you keep bitching.

Red: I don't even wanna be here!

Theodora: None of us want to be here!

Art, agreeing: Yeah, and yet, here we are! So, how about you shut your mouth for a bit while we figure out how to get home and make sure there's even a "home" to go back to!

Red:.... Actually, Art. Considering that, I think this might be a good time for you and I to talk....

(Art is pulled off to the side by Mrs. Red, Reita following. Theodora tries to usher everyone a respectful distance away to try and ensure privacy. She does her best, but pretty much everyone is still eavesdropping.)

Red: I know I haven't been the best mother... In fact, I might be the worst... But know that I will try to make this all better and I'm just looking for your forgiveness.

Art:.... you might remember us as a nice, happy little family, but let me tell you what I remember.

Koejin: You tell her, Art!

Art, ignoring her and pretending he doesn't know people are listening: ....you slicing off Reita's face, blowing up Thia's bar, threatening the lives of my friends, destroying the lives of countless different people; I could go on! You barely get to claim the title "mother!"

Red: I did what I thought was best!

Art: You entrusted your children to the God of Death and Deceit!

Red: I didn't do that! (long pause)....I did do that.

Art: Yeah, you did. So, this is how things are gonna go. We're going to go through here and make sure there's a world to get back to, we're going to go to Calor and you are going to fix this. Then we can talk about forgiveness.

Red: ....That's another thing I wanted to talk to you about. I would love... to return to our people. I know I'm a tiefling, but I still feel the rage... of a red dragon. Someone would need to take care of our people.

Art:.... the people that treated me like a pariah....

Vincent, butting in: Like Hell I'm gonna let that happen! (storms over to them and looks at Art) Look Art, I'm willing to admit you are not evil. But do you really think you can run Calor? As soon as everything gets hard you run away! Hell, you abandoned your own sister-

Reita, with a surprising amount of clarity: He didn't... abandon me. He thought I was dead.

(The remaining three tieflings turn and look at her.)

Reita: And you're not exactly one to talk; you created weapons for a tyrant and turned a blind eye to the problems in Calor. We've all done things we regret, but we learn and grow from them. How can you stand there and judge him from running from a bad situation when he was a kid? Hypocrite (shoves a slug into her mouth)

Art, smiling and a little misty-eyed: I'm so proud of you! (hugs Reita)

Reita: Uhhh, yeah. Sure.... (doesn't push him away, though)

Red:.... You're not supposed to be talking like that... how are you doing that?

Art, pulling away: Yeah, that was going to be the next part. You feeling okay?

Reita, shrugging: I feel good.... Like, really good.

Red: (grabs Reita and rips open the back of her cloak to see the stone in her spine is not glowing) This.... this isn't working. It should be working.

Art:....We should keep moving. Put a pin in this for now.

(We keep moving ahead with different twists and turns leading into random encounters. One of which is a growing garden gnome that we put Wreybar on top of so she could see over the walls. She tries to say what she sees, but speaks in a way only Wreybar understands.)

Theodora: Okay, but now how are we gonna get her down?

Red: I could probably fly up an-

Wreybar, jumping: Catch me!

Hennessy: (rushes to cast feather fall on her.)

(She floats down and lands nicely on the ground as we hear Thia's booming voice "Giant garden gnome? Goodbye giant garden gnome!" And the gnome just vanishes.)

(Wreybar starts talking in her gibberish and Koejin asks for a translator. Reita steps in and kneels down to her, nodding along by what she's saying.)

Reita: Wreybar says there's a latter coming out of a hole on the other side. It's right next to the castle. How do you guys not get that, she was speaking clearly.

Theodora: Maybe to you. Not all of us can speak Wreybar.

(We ended up getting into a few more shannanigans. At one point, Art attempted to use mislead in attempt to move through faster only to have Reita get impatient and run ahead. Art and Reita had a quick little spat about that along the lines of "by the time we find her, she'll have destroyed everything already!" "We can't find her at all if we're dead! No running ahead!" There was also a bit with Hennessy and Koejin teleporting out of the maze where they met a murder horse and a weird inky blob creature.

At that point the latter was the literally the next turn. But possibly the worst moment.)

DM: You guys come to a dead end. The smell is still coming from over it.

Koejin: Shit....

(We all check the wall to find no traps. But then... Alabaster touches it and a had grabs hold of him. It pulls itself out with his resistance and Alabaster is looking at a marble version of... himself.)

Alabaster: O-oh! Hail and well met... uh, me!

M! Alabaster: Oh! Hail and Well Met! How are you, my fine friend?

Alabaster: I'm quite well, thank you! How... who are you?

M! Alabaster: Oh, I am what remains of you. The you left behind when you left the Pelor faith!

Alabaster: Oh, I see.

M!Alabaster: Have you killed your daughter?

Alabaster: oh, no. That is.... no longer apart of the plan.

M! Alabaster: (grabs hold of Alabaster) I will do it then. I will kill your daughter. She is born of darkness, thus she must die!

(Everyone around him tenses up, but he somehow knows if he looks away, the creature will fade from his sight and go to kill Eris. He can only stare at it to hold it in place.)

Alabaster: (puts his hand to the copy's mouth and uses Create or Destroy Water)

M!Alabaster: (starts to crack and burst under the pressure. The amount of water forced inside kills the creature.)

((Create or destroy water has been a running gag in the campaign. It's been used a few times, but nothing really dark. Not like this.))

Alabaster:....(Still holding his marble copy with a stunned look.)

Art:....(walks up and pats him on the arm) You did what you had to do... Eris is safe now.

Theodora, nodding: Think of it as... you made the right choice.

Alabaster: (nods to both of them and closes the creatures eyes)

Koejin:.... we should destroy it. Just in case.

(They then proceed to break the thing into dust and we continued on our way.)

( We found the latter that brought us up to the castle. As we walk around to the entrance, Pelor stands by the door with his arms crossed.)

Pelor:.... what are you trying to accomplish here? Do you really think you can stop any of this?

Theodora: We're here to talk to Thia. Where's Thia?

Pelor, sighing: Look, last chance before I wipe you out of existence; kneel before me or leave my land and accept your fates.

Red, arms crossed(as is usual for her): Yeah, I'm not one for bowing to people. People bow to me.

Pelor: This goes for all for all of you?

(All of us agree. There will be no bowing.)

Pelor:....then so be it.

(Before he can move in to fight us, he is turned inside out and sucked into a little stone. Thia then drifts down, takes the stone, and crushes it.)

Art: ....hi, Thia....

Thia, glaring: Shut up, Art.

Art, nodding: Hmmm, mhm.

Thia: (turns to Theodora) Go home, Theodora.

(for a moment, her powers work on Theodora, but all of us stop her. This turns into a conversation about why the wipe is unnecessary. Koejin leads the conversation, then turned and asked for someone more "charisma based" to lead.

Art couldn't speak. Probably for the best. He and Thia have never really gotten along.)

Theodora: If you wipe out all existence, we won't be learning from our mistakes. Everything will end up being repeated! The war will be repeated!

Thia: Not if I don't allow free will.

Theodora: And then what is life? that's not a world; that's a simulation.

Thia:... better that than allowing a kid to grow up in the woods all alone.

Theodora:.... Thia, we can make this world better. Create a place where something like that doesn't happen. But this.... this isn't the way.

Thia:....Do all of you agree? Should I.... give up my power?

(This was a major turning point in the story. Because this is where the end boss was decided. And we told Thia to give up her power.)

Thia, nodding: Alright... let's go back home. No reason to strand ourselves here. (she opens a portal)

(We walk through to find ourselves in the tavern Thia owns. She wills away her power, but it's no big ta-do.)

Koejin: Did it work?

Thia:.... I don't know.... Art, give me some money.

Art:..... no....

Koejin: It worked!

(We all celebrate before we all notice the portal hasn't closed. When we turn and look, we see Pelor's face.... on Ticket Master's body. He throws it away like a mask and grins at us.)

Ticket Master: Guess who's the new God of Light? (smiles and waves as the portal closes)

(Outside, we hear loud banging. When we run out, we can see darkness and light bouncing off of each other before they begin to swirl and spread. They head for us.)

Theodora: (hears the voice of Bahamut and an open blue portal) Everyone! We have to go!

(Everyone dives into the portal. Art takes a moment before diving in with the group.)

(There will be one last session and we can all really feel it now. I'm kinda sad that Ticket Master is now the BBEG, but we all saw that coming. There's just a lot to figure out here.)

#adventures of art the bard #tiefling #dnd #dnd bard #dnd barbarian #dnd druid #dnd paladin #dnd cleric #dnd ranger #dnd wizard #homebrew gods #dnd gods #Art and Reita had a Blitzo and Loona moment and I don't think it was on purpose #That contract on Art and Wreybar's gonna screw them #Well... also Art's gonna be kinda heartbroken by all this #I'm feeling bad for my boy if you can't tell #shut up jay

[bluejaytaco]

[bluejaytaco]

OK new game. Use this website to see how common your first name is, and then put that number in the tags. 

#687th #huh I'm actually surprised it's that low #I'm also surprised to see it's 100% male in the US #lol #shut up jay

[bluejaytaco]

ALL HE DID WAS LOVE HIS BROTHER-

[bluejaytaco]

(We returned to the session with all party members floating in the waters of Fransland. The bar has “Welcome to my realm” written on it in blood. Outside of it there are strange, humanoid creatures walking around. We're in the water, Theodora had a young elf boy knocked out on her back and Art has Reita clinging to him because she doesn't know how to swim.

The water is, however, strangely buoyant.)

Theodora:(immediately swims over and hugs Koejin) I'm never letting you go again.

Koejin: (hugs back) yeah... uh, no more jumping through strange portals for a while.

Alabaster:(casts waterwalking and walks over to Art) Hello, my friend!

Art: (jumps at the sight) Holy Jesus! Hi, hello!

(We all end up swimming to shore and catching up a little bit. The creatures were something Team A was dealing with while we were in the separate universe. From the distance, some of us can see that the creatures are all attached to one cloaked figure sitting off to the side.)

Koejin: (shoots an arrow at the figure and hits it right in the head. The head pops off and rolls closer. It's Skelly)

Skelly: What the Hell?! What just happened?! Who shot me?!(all his minions just kinda stand around his head) Don't just stand there! Reattach me!

Theodora: Skelly?

Skelly: (After his head's back on, he notices us) Oh, hey guys!

Hennessy: What're you doing here?

Skelly: I don't know. Just one minute I'm minding my own business, the next I'm here with these guys (gestures to the shambling forms) Just making friends and hanging out.

Theodora: Are they.... friends by choice? (stares pointedly at the tethers)

Skelly: They're friends by MY choice!

Theodora: How long have you been here?

Skelly: A day... A week... two years and five minutes? Ehhhh....

Art: (moves to explore the tavern)

(As he moves closer, a giant red claw comes up and climbs onto the roof. Mrs. Red glares at the party. Koejin also notices humanoid Mrs. Red is on her back. Dragon Mrs. Red rears back and uses her fire breath on everyone, successfully melting Skelly into a pile of ash.

We also have a new party member, Jaquine. She is not as high of a level as us, so the blast would kill her.

But then a large tiefling woman jumps in and takes the brunt of the burn for Jaquine. She looks.... very familiar. Despite the fact that we've only really met like two tieflings.)

Tiefling woman: Everyone, inside! Now! (Jumps up on Dragon Red's face and they fly away.)

Koejin: Uh, yeah! Let's go!

Alabaster: (moving over to bring Skelly back to life)

(Skelly is now a strange pile of moving ash. He hasn't regained his original form.)

Vincent: Yesss.... burn.... (This is like... the third time he's gotten excited about some violence.)

Hennessy: Alright! You and me! We gotta talk!

(We go inside the bar to see a scawny looking white dragonborn behind the bar, cleaning a glass. Aside from him, there's only one other patron; a woman passed out in a puddle of her own drool with long, rainbow hair.)

Art: (eyes the bartender) Hey there... I'm Art... and you are? (he already knew the answer)

Dragonborn: (smiles creepily) Oh, hi! I'm Eltbalm.

Art: Right, right. (looks over at the passed out woman and frowns as he realizes it's Thia. He walks over to her)

Reita: (runs to Wreybar and points at a hole in the wall. She then dives for it and pulls out a rat. She tears the rat in half and hands part of it to Wreybar.)

Wreybar: Is it a gift or food?

Reita: (nods and bites into her half)

Wreybar, grinning: Thank you!

(Me: I'm a good big brother for letting this happen.)

(For a moment, we cut to Hennessy and Vincent talking to each other about the way he's been acting. Vincent, after being kidnapped and just all around having a shitty time, has adopted the whole idea of killing in order to make the world better. But, after a bit of talk, he's feeling a little better. Hennessy talks about how Theodora, Koejin, and Alabaster would be able to help him with whatever he needs to feel safe again. That seems to help.)

(Meanwhile, Art is gently shaking Thia awake. He gets her to snap her head up but that's about it. He gestures to Eltbalm to get them some water for her.

We all try to get her to wake up and talk with us, but to no avail. However, all of us agree that this might be the best time for a long rest. But before that)

Hennessy: Art, can I speak to you?

Art: Uh... yeah. What's up?

Hennessy: Your sister. She's still got that pink stone embedded in her back, right?

Art: Yeah... we haven't been able to remove it... why do you ask?

Hennessy: Well, while we were all superpowered by the gods, I came across a spell that might be helpful. We could create a clone copy of Reita and remove the stone from her original body. Then, if anything were to go haywire, then we can put her essence into the clone.

Art:.... I want you to think about this for a second.. Put yourself in my shoes and Vincent in Reita's.... would you still trust it?

Hennessy: If it means saving his very life and the lives of millions, then of course!

Art: Don't get me wrong; I'm not saying no. It's just... a lot. And, I mean, it's not like we can do it right now anyway, right?

Hennessy, seeing that Art doesn't fully trust the idea: Yes, but... to ease your worries... it might help to keep in mind we have a genuine necromancer on our side. (Gestures to Alabaster)

Alabaster, seeing that gesture and looks over to find out whats going on: Hello, yes!

Art: You're a necromancer now?!

Alabaster: Why yes. It's an interesting tale but yes. And I would be able to help your sister, given the situation!

Art: (looks at the Skelly blob then up at Alabaster tensely. He then turns back to Hennessy.) It's not something we can do now anyway so....

(Everyone took a look at the stone. Hennessy discovered it was an ancient magic while Art recognized it as tiefling magic. Theodora offered to cut the magic and see what might come of it, but Art was afraid it might hurt Reita. He might be a little over protective.

This is around where we took our rest. As we're rested and trying to figure out our next move, the tiefling woman steps in through the door. She has in her hands the fifteen foot battle axe and is covered in blood. She walks up, demands a beer from Eltbalm, and walks back over to the table where Thia is still passed out. As she takes a sip, she gestures to all of us to gather around.)

Tiefling Woman: Must be pretty confusing for all of you.

Art: That's putting it lightly.

Tiefling Woman: So, let's start with an introduction; I'm Elsie. Elsie Red. I'm the only form of Mrs. Red here that's a tiefling.

Art: ...yeah, why are you a tiefling?

Elsie, shrugging: Don't know. Don't have any memories of anything outside of here. But, hey! I gotta gift for you (looks over at Eltbalm) Hey, you! Go get her. And you better not have touched her!

Eltbalm: Aww, but- (interrupted by the battle axe embedding itself in the wall next to him) coming up!

(Eltbalm disappears for a moment and returns with a bound Mrs. Red. It's our Red; missing tongue and all. He sits her down next to Elsie.)

Hennessy: Elsie, is your story anything like our Red's? It's quite the tragic tale.

Elsie: I don't know. I dont remember. That smiling bastard sent me and all these reds here. It's like we're some kind of experiment or something.

Theodora, nodding: Sounds like Ticket Master, alright. He is quite an asshole.

Hennessy, turning to Red: Do you still have the diary I returned to you?

Red: (nodding in her condescending, mean girl way)

(Art tries to reach into her satchel in order to show Elsie only to get bitten for the trouble.)

Art: Ow, hey! You bitch!

Red: (glaring at him)

(Art gives Elsie a rundown of what they know about Red's backstory. It sums up to Red ending the war and starting her reign of terror after the death of Eltbalm. At that, he points to the scrawny dragonborn at the bar.)

Elsie: Uhhh, no. I remember being married to a tiefling woman. He's not really my type....

Art: Our Eltbalms haven't looked like that. They're more....uh... Koejin, describe Eltbalm.

Koejin: Oh... He's just so hunky and buff. He's covered in shiny white scales. Like, a beautiful man just... (chef's kiss)

Elsie: Yeah, still no.

(We eventually decide that our Red's inability to speak was making this hard. So, we ask Vincent if there's anything he can do.

Turns out, DM rolls high enough to where Vincent pulls out a mechanical tongue.)

Vincent: Now, you gonna go and bite me the moment I go to put this in your mouth?

Red: (nods with a 'Well, duh' look on her face)

Vncent, putting the tongue on the table: Then you can do it yourself.

(Elsie undoes Red's hands and Red immediately dives to put the tongue in her mouth. She doesn't take long to secure it.)

Red, pointing to all of us: Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuuuck you. And a special 'fuck you' to you! (points at Elsie)

Alabaster: Charming.

Red: You took away everything from me and expect me to do anything for you?!

Art: Oh, you mean like what you've been doing to us?

Red: Oh, you fucking little shit. Why the fuck would I care?! You interrupted everything and stopped my ascent to finally killing that smiling asshole you call Ticket Master.

Art: Please, you went toe to toe with him and couldn't take him down.

(We ended up arguing with Red for a while and trying to get her to help us and figure out the parts missing that kept her from doing it. Then...)

Thia: (grabs the empty beer bottle and smashes it against the table. Holds it out to Red) put that to your neck.

Red: (loses control of herself and immediately follows the order) Wha-?

Thia: How do we get out of here?

Red: I- (is comanded to press in deeper. Starts to cry.) I... I don't know. I don't know. I can't remember!

Thia: Then remember.

Red, freezes for a second: I... remember everything...I... (turns to Art) I'm your mother.

Art: I... Wh-wait.... what?

Red: It happened so long ago now. I... Eltbalm and I... were tieflings. We were very much in love. We were happy... Eventually, we were blessed with a beautiful baby. A little girl... but, the land told us, no. Our girl would become a charming handsome boy. Not too long after, we were granted our beautiful, sweet Reita... but... but the war came to our land. They killed Eltbalm, my love. Right in front of me... So I prayed to the land for a way. To stop the war. To protect my children. I was turned into a dragon and given the power to end it all, so I did. And I prayed for a way to bring my husband back. And the land granted me the stones. All parts of Eltbalm.

I didn't know I would be worshipped by our people. I just wanted you to be safe... so, I prayed for a way to the land. And then.... he appeared.

I was so full of rage, but Ticket Master offered me a way. I sold him my soul and I asked that you and your sister were raised by tieflings. To be sure you were kept safe. And he did...

I tried to make it so Reita could be strong like me. Even in my rage and my forgotten memories, I wanted to keep her safe. She was so... helpless. Art, I am so sorry it turned out this way. I lo-

Thia, interrupting the last part: slit your throat.

(Red follows the order and immediately starts bleeding out. Her body collapses on the ground.)

Art: (immediately moves to save her)

Thia: Stop.

Art: (Fails a Con save and is forced to stop)

Theodora: (moves in to heal Red)

Thia: Sit down.

Theodora: (Fails a Con save and follows the order)

Hennessy: Now, wait ju-

Thia: Cover your mouth.

Hennessy: (Fails a Con save and follows the order) Mmmph Rmph!

Koejin: Thia, why're you doing this?

Thia: It's what you guys taught me. you have to kill in order to get to the top. In order to get anyone to listen. To get any type of power.

Koejin:...I thought you just wanted to do drugs and run your bar.

Thia: I did. But then this shit started happening. And you guys started killing generals. And you guided me here. That's when I realized that yes, this is the only way.

Theodora: (trying to do Lay On Hands to Red as Thia's distracted.)

Thia, noticing: Go lay down in that corner, far away from her and don't move.

Theodora:(fails the Con save and does that.)

Art: The leader shouldn't be influenced by their followers.

Thia: I wasn't your leader. Cloak was. And look how much you cared about her death. (glares at Art) not that you're one to talk about not killing. You signed a contract for the God of Death and Deceit.

Art, glaring back: To save my sister.

Thia: still.

Hennessy: (still screaming behind his muffled hands)

Art, casting Sending to get what he was trying to say: Hennessy says "we have been nothing but merciful as instructed." He also said other things, but it got caught off.

Thia: Fine. Remove your hands and speak.

Hennessy: We have been more merciful to everyone of these generals. Green, your own father, was spared and look now! He's one of our strongest allies! Purple returned to their gem under our influence!

Thia: And what about Orange? And Blue? And Yellow?!

Hennessy: Orange was.... an unfortunate circumstance. And Blue gave us no choice. But Yellow; if I recall he willingly died.

Art, tenses: Uhhh, Hennessy...? Yellow was Thia's mother. And she didn't.

Thia, clearly even more angered: I'm starting to think this world needs to be wiped clean so we can begin again.

Art:.... Please don't think that.

(As if hearing her, the roof of the tavern is torn off and there stands Shmoogie. He's staring down at us.)

Shmoogie: Pelor knew you would see the light. (puts his hand down to her) Come now. There's much work to be done.

Thia: (climbs onto the hand)

(Everyone scrambles to look for a way to stop her from leaving with him. In his panic to keep her there, Art uses Black Tentacles to try and pull her out of his hands before she goes out of reach. Thia sees it and tries to order him to stop, but gets smacked in the face by one of them and is now sporting a huge mark near her eye. She disappears through a white portal in the sky with Shmoogie.

But the spell is then released and they can move.)

Art, rushes over to Red, torn in what he's about to do: Okay, I kinda shouldn't care but after all that now I don't want you to die. There's waaaay too many questions to be answered, but you're still an insane bitch. Okay, I'm gonna do this. I'm gonna save the life of my...mother...mortal enemy... fuck.... How the fuck did Alabaster do this? Here we go. (casts spare the dying on Red)

Red: (Alive and no longer bleeding out, but out cold)

Reita: (watching her brother in confusion)

Art, noticing this: Uhhh... hey, uhhh... There's a lot to explain but.... once I understand what's going on, I'll explain it all. Okay?

Reita: (lifts some of her half-eaten rat to her mouth)

Art: (pushes it back down slowly)

(As Art is healing Mrs. Red and talking to Rieta, everyone is discussing the best way to get out of here. Theodora and Koejin have some private talks with the DM and come back, but seem reluctant to do the things they were talking about.)

Theodora, to Elsie: You think you can turn into a dragon and help us out?

Elsie: You're asking this from the only Mrs. Red that can't.

Koejin:... I think I have an idea. (digs through her bag for a gem she had.)

(She summons a carriage labelled Koejin's Brews and it's pulled by a horse with sunglasses.)

Horse: Heeey there, Koejin! Ready to ascend to your position?

Art:... Koejin's a god... I mean, why not? Why the fuck not? (heads to the carriage to immediately drink his face off.)

(We all pile on the carriage to find a fully stocked tavern with plenty of room. Like a bar version of a Tardis. "A Bardis" as Theodora's player starts calling it. And, as we ascend, the bar shakes a little as if experiencing turbulence, but then we end up in a world of light.

It's bright and white. Everything is white. Including the people.

Me: Sooo, Racism?

DM: It's Pelor's realm.

Theodora's Player: So, yeah, racism.)

(As we step off the carriage, we pass by people and see a letter hanging from the gate. On it is written "To Alabaster.")

Alabaster: (takes the letter)

Letter: Alabaster, you used to be so devout and loyal, but seem to have been corrupted by the influences around you. I will cleanse this world of all that is dark. Come see me and will do the same for you. It isn't too late. Not for you and not for your daughter. Come see me, my boy.

Pelor

(Attached to the letter is a picture of Eris, Alabaster's daughter. Pelor is holding her by the head.)

((DM wasn't kidding when he said this would be pretty intense.))

((Koejin's Player: So... I've been hitting on Art's dad...))

#adventures of art the bard #tiefling #dnd bard #dnd barbarian #dnd cleric #dnd paladin #dnd ranger #dnd wizard #dnd druid #homebrew characters #dnd gods #homebrew gods #Art is.... having a moment #he's not sure how he feels about his mother being the tyrant they've been fighting #Koejin's also been trying to seduce his dad #Also he apparently was fucked by his babysitter #Art's gonna have a lot of questions if/when he gets home #Even if he dies here Ticket Master will get an earful #but now onto Alabaster going to save his daughter #DM did not expect Red to survive #But you can't drop a bomb like that and expect us to not try and save her #shut up jay

[bluejaytaco]

A Little More DND w/ Jay

(So, this campaign is being wrapped up soon. Which makes me super sad, but I'm also glad that it's wrapping up rather than just ending because DM got too burnt out. Apparently, the last sessions are gonna be crazy. And it looks like it's set up for it.)

(We return to find us still facing down with Wreybar B. She's deformed now and her voice has completely changed.)

Wreybar B: (only seeing Koejin and Art for the moment) ...What? I thought you guys were dead!

Art: We could say the same about you. What happened to you?!

Wreybar B: What happened to you? How's the surface?

Art: Uhhh, well....

Koejin: Not good.

Wreybar B, noticing Wreybar A: ....why is there a.... grotesque deformed version of me with you...?

Both Koejin and Art know Wreybar can be quick to anger. So, Koejin turns to our Wreybar.

Koejin: Don't listen to her. I mean...

Wreybar: No, she's right.

Koejin: ....What?

Wreybar:.... I am a deformed version. She's.... beautiful...

We all look over to see wind blowing through Wreybar B's hair. She's making a pouty face. Flower petals are flowing through. There's ukulele music.

Art, strumming his violin like a ukulele:....wait, what?

Wreybar B: But why are you hanging around with that imposter?!

Koejin: Don't you remember? We were from an alternate dimension? We came here to visit? We....uh.... kinda fucked everything up? (rolled persuasion)

Wreybar B:....I don't believe you.

Koejin:... but it's the truth!

Wreybar B, not listening: Why is there another me?!

Art: Magic. (rolled persuasion)

Wreybar B:.... okay, that makes sense.

Koejin: ...what fucking bullshit...

Wreybar B: But what are you guys doing down here in the tunnels?

Art: We're on our way to see Nerve.

Wreybar B: And why do you wanna see Nerve?

Art:... you know, just to talk to him. Get some info. Hang out. Get a way to go home. ....maybekillhim.... you know, just chilling!

Koejin: Yeah, do you think you could show us the way?

Wreybar B: I could.... in exchange for something. Maybe... a liver? (looks at Wreybar A) looks like you got some extra Wreybar parts.

(Koejin's player:.... how many livers does a gnome have?

Me: Let's ask Google!

(we did google it only to come up with a long article about the subject. The DM and I found the same article.)

DM: DNDBeyond doesn't say anything about... You know what? I'm just gonna say all races have the same organs. Let's keep it simple.)

Koejin: Wreybar.... I don't want to talk you into it. Your body, your choice and all. But would you be willing to?

Wreybar: Yeah! I could prolly live without it, right?

Koejin, knowing she can't: uhhh (turns to Wreybar B) Could we interest you in a kidney instead?

Wreybar B: So long as it does the same thing

Koejin: It doesn't.... not do the same thing!

Art: Wait, does it have to be organic? I mean, if we're heading for Nerve... Maybe we can get him to make one or something.

Wreybar B: Do you think he'll do that?

Art: He'll have no choice!

Koejin: Like the Wizard of Oz!

Art: Yeah! Let's go force Nerve to give us a liver and send us home!...And maybe get Koejin a heart while we're at it.

Koejin: Meh, I'm good.

Wreybar B: Alright! Then let's go! Follow me! (she then proceeds to walk through a hole that is gnome sized. Only the Wreybars could get through.)

Art: Uhh.... (Calls into the hole) you have to remember you're travelling with giant people!

Wreybar B: Giant people?! (comes back out)

Art: I wanted to say "Normal people" but didn't want to offend our guide...

Wreybar, looking at everyone: Ugh.... this means we're gonna have to take the looooong way.... (starts walking)

Art, having an idea: Wait.... Ticket Master could shrink down. And... I signed that contract, which means I have his abilities...

(Art hears a little "hey" near his foot. He squats down to see a tiny little Ticket Master (about the size of an ant) waving at him. He is suddenly up in his face with a "hello!" The sudden movement causes Art to fall on his ass. Ticket Master had grown in front of him.)

Ticket Master: Did I hear my name?

Art: Yeah, so how does this contract work? I gain your abilities?

Ticket Master: Whenever you need them.

Art: Okay, so I need everyone to be small so that we can get to the spire quickly.

Ticket Master: No.

Art: No?

Ticket Master: You don't "need" to go that direction. You could take the long way around.

Art: But that was would be faster!

Ticket Master: Time is of no consequence to me. It doesn't exist.

Art: But is does to me! The faster we can get this done, the better, right? We get your powers back to you so we can go home!

Ticket Master: Hmmm, maybe if we can get a few more followers here. (he pulls out two more contracts for Koejin and Wreybar)

Wreybar: I can't read.

Koejin and Ticket Master start talking to Wreybar about signing the contract. Koejin's giving reasons not to and clearly winning Wreybar over with it. (Wreybar and Koejin have bonded pretty well by this point.)

Ticket Master, turns to Art: Art, my dear? Do you have anything to say here?

Art: ....I mean, it's of no consequence to me if she signs it or not, right?

Ticket Master:.... Right...

Art: So then, why would I try? This is all on her.

(DM: Art, roll a Wisdom save.

Me: Uh oh (rolls and gets a 5) Uh oh! (rechecks save modifier and remembers that's a 0) Uh oh!)

Art, suddenly overwhelmed with the desire to get that contract signed: Wreybar, sign the contract.

Wreybar: What, why?

Koejin: Yeah, why?

Art: I mean, why not? You get cool abilities and shit if you do! C'mon, it'll be fun!

(We all rolled for perception but only Koejin passed.)

Koejin, noticing Ticket Master looking at Art in fear: Hey... what's that about?

Ticket Master, snapping out of it: What ever do you mean?

Koejin:.... Wanna talk about this? Alone?

Ticket Master:... Yes. Let's do that.

(The two of them head off to the side. This is something Art doesn't know, but was still discussed around us so I know. So Imma put it in here.)

Koejin: So, I know you and Art go way back. I mean you have a thing and all. But that look... kinda looked like you were afraid of him just now. That's cute. That's new. What has that about?

Ticket Master: Yes... well...

Koejin: I mean, he was doing what you wanted, right?

Ticket Master: Yes but.... I didn't tell him to do that.

Koejin:.... Come again?

Ticket Master: That wasn't me. The only other person who could have done that is that... asshole Task Master. But he shouldn't be able to... since Art signed the contract.

Koejin: Ah...ha...

Ticket Master: Signing it is the only way I can keep you three safe.

Koejin: Right... uh....

(Koejin's Player: so a little side here. Not saying any of this to Ticket Master. But.... I didn't know I had a god until I met....

DM:...Yeah, I get where you're going.)

Ticket Master, nodding while listening to Koejin babble and stutter. He puts a hand on her shoulder: I understand.

Koejin:.... you do?

Ticket Master: Yes. I don't want you to sign my contract.

Koejin: What? Why?

Ticket Master: You're not ready for it. (he heads back over to Art an Wreybar)

Koejin: What...?! Now hold the fuck up! Show me the fucking contract, I'll- (Realizes it's one of Ticket Master's tricks) ....Oh, you bastard... you almost got me! (She hears laughter in her head. Like a group of people. Possibly from her god. Possibly a laugh track. But, either way, she heads back over.)

Wreybar is still talking to Art about the contract. He's still trying to get her to sign it.

Ticket Master: So, how about you Wreybar?

Wreybar: I dunno... I have a god.... (Wreybar's player: I can't remember if my god is on our side.

DM: He isn't. He's on the side of the Wipe.)

Koejin: It's up to you. If you wanna sign it, dope.

Wreybar agrees to sign the contract and Ticket Master guides her on the signature. She ends up just drawing a flower, but it still counts, apparently.

Ticket Master takes the contract, puts it away, and snaps his fingers.

Art is suddenly the same size as Wreybar. He looks around and notices...

...Everyone else is still large.

Art: Well, fuck.... what about them?

Ticket Master: Oh, yes! Reita! My sweet girl!

(Reita is suddenly gnome sized as well.)

Art, too caught up in Tiny Reita to question why she's allowed to be tiny too: You're so cute and little!

Reita: (excitedly chasing her tail.)

Ticket Master, looking at the remaining two. He eyes Eltbalm: I don't like you....

Eltbalm: I guess I'll meet you guys on the other side. I'll take the long way.

Koejin: Oh, so we can go together!

Eltbalm: Oh god... Shit. No... uhh....

(Awww, poor Koejin...)

Eltbalm, huffing: What do I have to do to let this happen?

Koejin: Sign a contract and accepting Ticket Master as your god.

Eltbalm, a paladin of Bahamut: ....Well... if the gods are truly no longer on our side.... (Eltbalm signs the contract and is shrunk down.)

Koejin is the only tall one left. She looks at the chibi us: I'll meet you guys on the other side.

Art: What, you're gonna go off on your own? Do you even know the way?

Koejin: I can figure it out. I'm an excellent tracker!

Art: (clearly not convinced)((Side note: I just love the image of a gnome sized tiefling having any sort of conversation with a taller person. It's funnier in my head when I remember Art is usually taller than Koejin.))

(DM: You know, you still have items that could be useful.

Me: Maybe the truesight potion?

Koejin's Player: Ticket Master's right there! I'd go insane seeing his true form!

Me: Just don't look at him!)

Koejin, in the spirit of not splitting the party: (drinks some of the truesight potion then looks directly at Ticket Master)

(DM: This is going to be the most important Wisdom save of Koejin's life.

Koejin's Player: Can I have advantage considering how important it is?

DM: You know what? Yeah.)

Koejin: (The moment she looks at Ticket Master, she has a splitting headache, but it eases and she sees him for what he really is. DM pulled her into a separate chat to explain it. From Art and Wreybar's perspective, she takes a swig and the two just stare at each other for a long time.)

Ticket Master:.... You tell.... no one.

Koejin:.... You're going to shrink me down.

Ticket Master: ... Fine...

Koejin is suddenly gnome-sized. Ticket Master heads off to a dark corner of the room.

Ticket Master, clearly shaken: Good luck on your trip. I'll see you later, my friends.... and Koejin. (walks through one of his portals)

Art, in shock at the sudden demeanor change, looks at Koejin: What did you do?!

Koejin, ignoring him: Let's head out.

We head through the tiny tunnels. The trip takes hours, but then we see a little light at the end. We step out and feel the sunlight on us. It was a relief; we'd been in the tunnels for so long.

But now, we're all still tiny. And there's a large blob towering over us.

Koejin: (readies her bow and sneaks around one side. She hears it groaning and lets everyone else know it's awake. In the distance, she can see the spire.)

(Me: I just wanna say real quick. With us being tiny it's almost, like, Acentria Babies.

Koejin's Player: (gasp) yesss! it's like we're usually live-action and serious, but now we're animated and cute!)

As we go to sneak around, the blob moves and growls. It pops out legs and tiny little arms. Then it pops out a head of a very familiar T-Rex. It's this world's Meatball.

(Context: Meatball is a T-rex that was introduced at the very beginning of the campaign. In our world, he has the soul of Eltbalm in him until Mrs. Red can revive him. He's also been helping us where he can.

This version of Meatball is just Eltbalm and Mrs. Red's pet.)

Wreybar B: (runs for the bushes and becomes of no help to us.)

Reita: (excitedly runs up to Meatball, then growls when she realizes it's not our Meatball. She clearly doesn't want to fight him.)

Eltbalm: (trying to talk Meatball down, but it's not working)

We start to fight Meatball. Koejin gets an opportunity attack because of her angle so she gets into him. Eltbalm, once again tries to get Meatball to calm down only to get his hands bitten off. He, of course, starts screaming.

Koejin: Noooo! I was gonna use those!

Meatball: (spits them out over by Koejin)

Koejin: I don't want them now!

Art casts Otto's irresistible dance on Meatball, which causes him to be so focused on the music, he gains disadvantage on all dex and attack rolls.

(DM: So, let's paint this picture: Koejin attacks Meatball, Eltbalm goes "Meatball, what's gotten into you?!" Meatball bites off Eltbalm's hands.... and then starts dancing.

Koejin's Player: And we're all still chibi, so it's adorable.)

It doesn't take us long to get Meatball down. In fact, After Koejin's next attack....

Koejin: (attacking with lightening arrows)

(Koejin's Player: I should make it clear, I'm doing this in the most non-lethal way possible.

DM:....... (counting the dice roll numbers she gave him) ummm

Koejin's Player: No, nonono. Don't say it.

DM: I'm not seeing any possible way... So, I'm not saying you killed him. But.... what does it look like when you do.

Koejin's Player: Oh GOD!)

Meatball collapses and looks up at Eltbalm, says "i'm sorry..." and dies. The body disintegrates into the black ooze.

Reita: (runs up and starts digging through the black ooze in search of Meatball.)

Koejin, Art, and Wreybar: (standing there in complete shock)

Eltbalm: (still screaming because of the loss of his hands and his pet)

The ooze then starts absorbing everything until we are in a black void where we can't tell which way is up. But we do see a light, which Reita runs for and Art isn't far behind. We are also back to our true forms and Eltbalm has his hands back. It's there we hear a familiar groaning voice.

Task Master: Oooooh, how are you guys doooing?

Art:.... not bad. Then you showed up.

Task Master: Welll, that's not very nice... Is that anyway to treat a friend? (he threw his head back and brought it up to reveal Ticket Master) Hello Friends! ...and Koejin.

Art: (Art.exe has temporarily froze. Rebooting)

Koejin:.... Have we ever seen the two of them in the same place at the same time.

Art:....no.....

Koejin: But what about before?

Art: Ticket Master walked out..... Task Master walked in....(rubs his eyes) I hate this....

Ticket Master: Yes, but the trickery was necessary. I needed to be sure I could trust you. You are about to embark on a mission of great importance. As you know, many of the gods are looking to start with a clean slate. To wipe all of you out of existence. I, as well as others, say we fix what we have. But it's come to a time where we must start anew in our own right. A god must fall.

We all take that in in silence for a moment. Then, Art speaks up.

Art: Shmoogie?

Ticket Master: (laughs) You think too small, Art. No, he's nothing more than a guard. No. To end this, you must kill Pelor.

More Silence.

Koejin: Well shit. That's a big ask. Taking down a God of Light...

Ticket Master: Now, I will allow for one question. This, I will answer with complete truth. Choose wisely.

There is even more silence. This one drags on for a bit. *sigh* then....

Art:... Only one question for all of us?

Ticket Master: Yes, and that was it.

Art: Wait, what?!

(Me: (I just continued to babble that it was a statement, interrupting the DM the entire time)

DM: Jay! Hold on! This is perfect, and I'll tell you why in a minute

Me:.... Okay.)

We are thrown back into water. When we all swim up to the surface, we see that we are outside the Cock and Fizzle and back in our Acentria. But we also notice the sky is void of stars or a moon or the sun. Written on the side of Thia's bar is something in blood. Some shadow creatures are heading for the bar.

In the water next to us is the remainder of our party with some new additions. A french woman we've been seeing on and off and two elves. One of which is on Theodora's shoulders.

(DM: and this is where we leave off until next time. And, Jay, this is perfect because the other group also had a question and wasted it. Alabaster panicked and asked "how do they fit so much flavor in a gusher?"

Koejin's Player: (laughing)There's a reason Art and Alabaster are best friends. What was the answer?

DM: Ticket Master just said "I don't know what a gusher is."

Me: Well, at least I'm not the only one who ruined this...)

((We talked a little bit after the session about what items we all still have. DM asked me if I still have spaghetti, which I do still have quite a bit of. He also said for us to figure out what we want for our characters by the end of this. I think he knows what I want, but we're gonna talk about it before the next session.

He's also coming down to visit which means next session will be in person with him. it's gonna be interesting.))

#adventures of art the bard #dnd #tiefling #dnd bard #dnd ranger #dnd barbarian #dnd paladin #dragonborn #homebrew characters #homebrew gods #dnd gods #this is gonna be a fun ride #If the other half of our party assumes art used the question for something sexual to ticket master he's just gunna agree #because that's a little less embarrassing than the truth #shut up jay

[bluejaytaco]

what if AU where death note is just an in-universe work of fiction and all of them are just actors. i call this my coping AU LOL

I LOVE this AU!!

[bluejaytaco]

Is this another DND with Jay?!

(Or DM has announced he will be moving this campaign to once a month. Which is what it's kinda been for a while, but also for the best. He's kinda burning out.)

(We pick up right where we left off with the spiders. They immediately attack Eltbalm and stick him to a wall. Reita is on the floor, eating something. She's ignored by the spiders as they surround us.)

(The fight is pretty basic and easy. There are five spiders that do a little bit of damage to us. Wreybar was the first to kill one and it released a bunch of little baby spiders.)

Koejin's player: Is it just a bunch of little spiders in a trenchcoat?!

DM:....(starts drawing a trenchcoat on the board) it is now!

(The tiny spiders go to escape and Koejin and Wreybar get the opportunity to crush them. Three escape. Koejin also threw herself on them in order to kill.... one.

The next one to die also explodes into a bunch of spiders. Art manages to step on a good amount of them. Then two go by Koejin and one looks up at her with sad, baby eyes. Koejin realizes it's a baby. Like an actual baby.

Then steps on it. The other spider screams and runs for the door.)

(Three spiders left. Their deaths open portals.)

Art: (Cast Hellish Rebuke on the spider)

Spider: (melts away and collapses in on itself. The black goo in it opens a portal.)

Art peeks over to see inside the portal. Inside, he sees a man in overalls that looks up at him

Man: Barbara! That demon guy from the LilNasX video is in the sky!

(A woman comes out and looks up.)

Woman: I'll get the rifle.

(She comes back out with the gun, something Art's never seen before so he doesn't know to duck. The shot manages to chip his horn.)

Art: (jumps) the fuck?!

(The portal starts to close.)

Man: Yeah, you better run! That's what ya get for voting for Biden!

Art: (flips off the old man)

Wreybar managed to kill the next spider (who's death is a dramatic thing. He looks up at Wreybar and thanks her before just dying.) It opens to see a girl with pink hair and pink, cat eared headphones in a mini skirt. She is sitting in front of the computer. She turns and looks at the portal, bending over while she does it and gets a ton of donations.

Girl: uwu, what's this?

Another girl walks in with pizza rolls and sees the portal.

Girl 2: Has Death finally come?

(The portal closes)

The third spider dies when Art stabs it with his dagger. It bursts like a balloon and opens a giant portal. Through it, he can see a man in a suit sitting in a chair. He looks at Art and points at the chair across from him.

Man: Art, why don't you have a seat right over there. I'm Chris Hansen with Dateline NBC.

(Me: Art is just standing there, thinking about the people he's slept with. All of them are well above legal age.

Koejin's Player: I thought you were about to say "all of them were Chris Hansen."

Me:... I mean, maybe..)

Art, of course, doesn't know who Chris Hansen is so he's just blinking and rubbing at his eyes as the portal starts to close. The man walks out. After a moment, it becomes clear.

It's Ticket Master.

As soon as she sees it's Ticket Master, Koejin removes herself from the situation and heads over to Eltbalm to free him.

Ticket Master: Rude...

She gives him a little wave, but doesn't come back.

Ticket Master: I guess you don't want to know what Theodora has to say.

Koejin: I can hear you from here!

Ticket Master: I'm not going to talk to your back.

Koejin: Ugh, would you let me free him first!

Art: She has a huge crush on him.

Ticket Master, sighing: If you must...

Eltbalm, from the wall: You could have freed me earlier. I could have helped!

Koejin: Yeah, there's this thing called an Opportunity attack? I wasn't about to let that happen.

Eltbalm is clearly not happy about this. He growls in response: Just free me already!

Ticket Master: Aww, their first fight!

Art: And by no means their last....

(After freeing Eltbalm, Koejin walks back over to the group.)

Ticket Master: First off, do any of you know a Jaquine?

Art:.... I don't think so?

Koejin: There was a mime following us around for a while. She would just kinda pop up randomly.

Ticket Master: Well, she has a message for you three. (He then proceeds to speak French)

Art casts Comprehend Languages. It's basically just an idiom about Revolution and the Fall of Man.

(Koejin's Player: I love that French is a language in this game. But only one character can speak it.)

Ticket Master: Art. Alabaster says "I love and miss you my friend. And not to worry, we all still have all of our hands. Yep, all the hands. We're waving them!"

Art:.... that's not sarcastic, right? He actually still has his hands?

Ticket Master: I can't tell you that. Hennessy says "Stay strong. Stay proud." And Theodora says "We're in the middle of a coup de grase. Mrs. Red is with us. She has no tongue." We'll report in more soon." Would you like to say anything?

(We think about it for a moment.)

Koejin: Well, We have Eltbalm with us. We're doing good. Very good.

Art: They're thinking a spring wedding. (obviously a joke from the sarcastic asshole.)

Ticket Master: ....thinking a spring wedding... Okay, Wreybar! What do you want to say?

Art: Hey, wait! That's what I'm saying?! That's it?!

Ticket Master: Well, do you have more to say?

Art: Yeah, I do. Alabaster, I miss you too and I'm glad you all still have your hands. We just went through some portal shenanigans, still haven't found a way back.

Koejin: xoxoxoxo

Art:....xoxoxoxo.

Ticket Master, writing that down: Wreybar?

Wreybar: We're good. They won't let me eat the Black pudding.

Art: That reminds me....what happens if someone were to consume it?

Ticket Master: Well, it is my power so.... (looks at the three of us) why? Who ate it?

(Silence for a moment)

Art:... I was kinda hoping it wasn't so much just you as a... by-product of you.

Wreybar: I did. I ate some.

Ticket Master: Did you?

Wreybar: No.... I've been trying though!

Ticket Master: Then who?

Koejin:... Um... Reita.

Ticket Master: Where is Reita?

(We look around to see her sitting on the floor, eating more of the "black pudding." She perks up at her name and runs over, the goo all over her face.)

Art, wipes the goo off her face and gestures to her while looking at Ticket Master: This is what I mean.

Ticket Master, staring at Reita: She's coming with me.

Art, immediately tense: Uhhh.... no?

Koejin: What're you going to do with her?

Ticket Master: I'm going to remove my power from her.

Art: Will she be okay?

Ticket Master: You don't have to worry.

Art:... That's not what I asked....

Ticket Master: Have I ever lied to you?

Art: Yes! Yes you have!

(This leads into a whole back and forth where we argue to keep Reita from leaving our sight. Koejin, who has more ability to say no, argues with Ticket Master while Art stands by and just debates for a bit. Two conflicting ideals come to fight in his head. "Trust Ticket Master" and "Keep Reita Safe." But, despite the people fighting with him on gaining his powers back, Ticket Master stays extremely patient.)

Koejin, leaning over to whisper to Art: I really think we shouldn't let her out of our sight. I mean, he's here all the time. We can call for him if things get bad.

Art:...Normally, I'd agree with you. But I don't know if we really have the option. (Looks at Ticket Master, still debating)

Ticket Master: (holds his hand out for Reita)

Reita: (looking back and forth from Ticket Master to Art, very scared)

Art:... Is there anyway for you to come back and we just see how this plays out? (This was a good roll of persuasion.)

Ticket Master: (lowers his hand and looks at Art) You would risk your sister's death?

Art, pales: She could die?

Ticket Master: Possibly.

Koejin: She might not! Don't listen to him.

(This continues again and we end up talking about the plan to get home, at which point, Art makes it clear it doesn't matter where he ends up if Reita's not there. Art flat out states "If she dies, I have nothing left to lose. Can you promise me she'll be okay?" Ticket Master still doesn't give a straight forward answer. The closest he comes is to say "I can't promise anything.")

Koejin: Where are you going to take her?

Ticket Master: A place where I can remove my powers from her.

Koejin: Then we're coming too.

Ticket Master, laughing: Oh no. You'd die. Only someone with my power can go there.

Art, glancing at his hand:... would I be able to come?

Ticket Master: No, you don't have my power. You're not Mrs. Red.

Art:...Mrs. Red made a deal with you....

Koejin: (gets an idea and runs over to the pile of goo to eat it)

(The goo immediately moves from her hand and flies over to Ticket Master, where it is then absorbed.)

Ticket Master: Did you really think I was going to let you eat it in front of me?

Art:..... (pulls out the Ticket Master Contract and signs it)

Koejin, still not knowing what's on the paper: (glares a hole into the side of Art's head. He can feel the heat of her glare, but ignores it.)

Ticket Master: (grinning widely as the contract is signed. He takes it from Art, rolls it up and puts it in his jacket) You've made a very good decision, Art. Now, (he turns and offers his hand to Reita again.)

Reita: (looks at the hand, then to her brother)

Art: (gives her a small smile and nods) it's okay.

(When Reita touches Ticket Master's hand, she immediately throws up all the sludge she ate. It then moves and reattaches itself to Ticket Master. She is healthy again.)

Art:... can I read the bottom of that contract now? (For Context: Art was the only one who could see and read the contract. Even then, part of it was in a language he couldn't translate.)

Ticket Master, grinning: No.

Koejin, pulling out her own copy for Art to see: Can you read it here?

(Art looks at the contract to see a blank paper. He never did ask to see anyone else's contract so it's possible they were blank all along. It's not a big shock that Ticket Master would pull a stunt like that.)

Ticket Master: And with that, I should take my leave. (turns back to Koejin with a smile) So. you like Eltbalm?

Koejin:...yeah.

Ticket Master: Do you think he might like you back?

Koejin: Uh... no. No I don't think so...

(This goes on for a bit before Koejin just goes "ugh, can't you just be straight and honest about shit?!" Art chimes in with "Well, he's a God of Deceit so no." He was trying to get her to lie so Task Master could appear.)

Ticket Master: Try to keep Wreybar from eating any of the "black pudding."

Wreybar: They can try!

Koejin: I mean, we can't watch her 24/7.

Ticket Master looks at everyone, shrugs and walks through a portal. We are once again alone in the caverns and we see shadows moving around.

Eltbalm: What was that?

Koejin: The same bullshit we always deal with Now, let's get going We can't be that far now.

(There's some shadows moving around the room

Art uses Thaumaturgy on Koejin's torch to brighten the room and we all see they are little shadow monsters.

Wreybar from this universe comes charging out.)

Wreybar B: You're not hurting my family!

((DM: And that's all for now.

Me:... we haven't even left the room!

Koejin's Player: and yet a lot fucking happened!))

#adventures of art the bard #dnd #homebrew gods #tiefling #dnd ranger #dnd barbarian #dnd bard #I've been reassured that this decision was a good one #I read the contract to Koejin and Wreybar neither of whom plan on following Art's example #This was honestly the hardest decision I've had to make in this game #Art's attachments to both of them made it very hard but I do think this was the best way to do it #We'll see if he regrets it later down the line #shut up jay

[bluejaytaco]

Shit, it’s more DND w/ Jay!

(So, things were once again a little retconned. Our DM had been drinking the session before and forgot to mention one detail to us. That being that Ticket Master was there the whole time. He also, apparently, told us he wouldn’t be able to send us back because, so long as Task Master was in existence, he only has half of his power.

He can teleport himself no problem, he just can’t bring anyone else. So, now our mission is to take out Task Master in order to return home. We also have to take down Nerve (The corrupted AI) because it’s been corrupted by Ticket Master’s power.

But, for the moment, we had to focus on Eltbalm and the old man he was holding up, screaming at.)

Art: Uh, hey, how about we don’t kill the old man?

Eltbalm: (sees them and drops Art’s father, who’s okay just a little shaken up. He storms up to Art.) You! You’re responsible! Tell me what the fuck is going on here? Where is Red?!

Reita: (waking up to the tension and seeing Eltbalm in her brother’s face. She bites down on his arm.)

Eltbalm: (shakes her off and turns to punch her. He misses as she ducks out of the way.)

Art: (gets punched in the face by the dragonborn paladin. Takes 7 damage.)

Ticket Master: (watching this all go down) Wow.... you all did very little to stop that from happening!

Art: (snapping around to his teammates and cradling his face) Yeah! Thanks for the help, guys!

(Wreybar just kinda shrugged it off. She’s a little insane right now. But it does get Koejin to jump in and help.)

Koejin: (Notches an arrow and points it at Eltbalm) How about you calm the fuck down? 

Eltbalm: (Sees this and glares at Koejin) You’re gonna shoot me? Do it!

Koejin: (Does just that)

(The arrow finds a home in Eltbalm’s breastplate. He pulls it off and snaps the arrow in half. Koejin finds this to be extremely hot as he pushes passed everyone and storms out.)

Ticket Master: Well, now that that’s handled, I can tell you about the other universe. Everyone sends their regards! Hennessy says (can’t remember for the life of me, I was drinking...), Alabaster says “I’m fine.” With a period. He wanted you to know it ended in a period. And Theodora says “Koejin, I will find you.” Would you like to say anything to them?

(We all think about what we’re going to say. Wreybar went first as Ticket Master pulled out a typewriter and put on glasses, kind of in the same fashion as The Mask.)

Wreybar: I say “Get money. Make bitches. Leave the fuckin haters.”

(Ticket Master reads it back to her so that he knows what he’s saying. We all laugh about it. Koejin wanted to go last so it was Art’s turn.)

Art: I don’t know, Wreybar kinda covered everything. (Koejin: Yeah, like, is there anything more to say here? lol)... I guess just... Sorry for running ahead without making sure you were following. We’ll find our way back.

Ticket Master: Alright. So! “sorry for running ahead without checking with you. I’m stupid. We’ll find our way back.”

Art:.... Did I do something to upset you?

Ticket Master: (now ignoring Art) Koejin?

Koejin: I wanna say to Theodora “Not if I find you first! Bleeeehhh!” (sticks out her tongue as airhorns sound. Watches Ticket Master write for a moment) I’m gonna need you to read that back to me.

Ticket Master: Okay. “Not if I find your first. Bleh, blah, brer bo.”

Koejin: I don’t know where that last part came from.

Ticket Master: (puts away the typewriter and glasses) So, I will send out these messages and return soon. By the way, your friends are in a jail cell with Mrs. Red at this moment. Farewell! (backs into the darkness and now he’s gone, leaving us stunned at this new bit of information.)

Koejin:.....I’m sure they’re fine....

Art: (checks on the two tieflings who just witnessed all of this.)

(Reita’s seen some shit so this is just another Tuesday for her. Art’s father, however, is clearly shaken and confused.)

Art:... so...uh.... remember the “Tentacle Monster” portion of the story? That was him.

Art’s Father: (throws up in his mouth a bit)

((Koejin’s player: Oh yeah, I forgot Art told him everything. DM being all “so you tell him everything? Okay, that includes the freaky tentacle sex!”

Me: Yeah, I just kind of imagine the conversation going like “then the two of us teleported away so I could get railed.”))

(We spend a while trying to figure out what to do next. Because the Ticket/Task information is new, we focused on that maybe a little too hard.)

Art: So, if we kill Task Master, Ticket Master gets all his power back and we can go home.

Haida: (someone else who’s been there pretty much the whole time) Okay, so how are you going to get him?

Koejin:... Will he still show up if I lie?

Art: Try lying.

Koejin: Okay. Art, You’re very talented and I really appreciate your company.

Task Master: (pops into existence with his signature groan)

Art: (looks at Task Master then back to Koejin) That’s hurtful....

(Koejin takes the lead here. She starts talking about how it would be really nice if Task Master could just die. He offers to drink some poison at which point Vincent pulls out battery acid and hands it to the god. Of course, drinking it does nothing.

In the end, Task Master simply disappears and we have to rethink things.)

Art: Guys, we were at full power and couldn’t take out a dragon. We’re not gonna be able to take out a god like this.

Koejin: Then we just need to get stronger! I’m gonna get swol! 

(Cue Rocky Montage! It goes on for long enough for Art and Wreybar to have a long rest. By the end of it, Koejin goes again to summon Task Master by complimenting Wreybar’s mental stability.

Nothing happens.)

Koejin: Okay... maybe deep down, I believed it? Uhm... (Turns to Art’s father) You have a really nice place here!

(Again, nothing happens)

Art’s father: Thank you!

Koejin:.... Art, you’re very talented.

(Nothing happens.)

Art: Guess he’s not coming back. 

Koejin: Wait! One more! .... I hate alcohol (pause. Still nothing.)

Wreybar: Yeah, he ain’t coming back.

(We think about it for a moment when I suggest using Spaghetti Kid, a tool we haven’t used in a while. (He’s a jinn that Art befriended and is meant to act as a guide whenever we’re stuck. He’s summoned whenever Art eats a bit of “spaghetti” from a jar he carries around.) Koejin’s player laughs and says “oh, yeah. Remember when that was the weirdest thing about this campaign?”

The DM also asked “are you sure?” For anyone who plays DND, you know that’s never really a good ask.)

Art: (eats some spaghetti)

(After eating it, Spaghetti Kid begins to materialize and looks at us. After a moment, he says “H-” and then starts to scream in agony as he melts away and dies.)

Art:... (Watches this in horror) I’m sorry!!(Rolls high on Arcana and learns that it’s because he doesn’t belong in this reality. Also, because it was such a high roll, Art realizes everyone that actually belongs here is also back. Despite not going through the portal.)

(Haida’s the one who makes the focus obvious. We need to find Nerve to redistribute the Ticket Master power it’s carrying. Nerve’s place of opperations is the spire that, in our timeline, belonged to General Green. (It also happens to be where Ticket Master seduced Art.) So, we go with her to the front gate only to see thousands of blob monsters swarming in. She screams “shit!” and runs back to the house.

We all follow. Koejin’s throwing her hands in the air and sighing at the whole ordeal.)

Art’s Father: (in the house, opening a hatch that leads into a basement) We’ll be safe in here!

Art:... Basement hatch...

Art’s Father: Yes, clearly this isn’t the first time this has happened!

(Meanwhile, Wreybar rolls high enough on perception to notice Reita staring out the window and salivating over the sea of black ooze right outside the house. She looks at Wreybar and they both have a similar thought.)

Wreybar:...black pudding.

Reita: (smiles and holds out her hand for Wreybar to come with her.)

Koejin and Art: (Preparing to go into the bunker only to see two of their companions missing)

Wreybar and Reita: (already out in the sea of black ooze. Reita is shovelling it in her mouth.)

Art: (Dives for Reita through the window) Reita, get back here! And don’t eat that! (drags her back through the window.)

Koejin: (walks out the front door which lets the ooze into the house, but walks through it to get to Wreybar.)

(once the two more sane members of the party drag down the insane ones, the hatch is closed and they’re all safe.)

Reita: (pouting because she was stopped from eating the black pudding.) Hungry...

Koejin and Wreybar: (start feeding Reita their rations)

Reita: (After devouring them, she hugs Wreybar. She and Wreybar are now besties because they dove into the “black pudding” together. She’s also more comfortable with Koejin considering Koejin fed her.)

(The area below is dark, which leaves Koejin blind to it. But there is furniture and things pushed up against a corridor. Vincent explains that the corridor leads all over Acentria as an underground system, but only Eltbalm knows how to go through it.)

Koejin: I could probably navigate it.

Art: You can’t see.

Koejin: But you guys can!

Art: And you’re gonna take everything we say at face value and absolute truth?

Wreybar: Yeah! 

Koejin: Okay, well, the way I see it we have three options; wait here and die, go out there and look for Eltbalm, or figure out the path on our own.

Art: Or we can have Eltbalm come to us.

Koejin: How?

Art: I can send a message.

Koejin:....why didn’t you do that earlier?!

Art: Because.... as we’ve already established.... I’m a fucking idiot!

((Koejin’s player: We’re not just the chaos group; we’re the dumbass group! Chaotic Dumbass!))

(Art asks what he’s sending to Eltbalm. Koejin then says something along the lines off “Hey, you wanna see Koejin’s nudes? Come and find them!”)

Art:.... (Gives Koejin a thumbs up but sends something completely different) If you want to see “her” again and possibly save this world, come back to the house.

Eltbalm: ...You better not be lying.

(We have some time to spare so we get to know our companions a bit. Art asks Haida about what the other Generals did and gets an earful about how they “protected the people of the city” but were really just arresting anyone who stepped out of line. Including Haida. She eventually fled the city and ended up dying. That’s when Ticket Master found her and offered to either keep her alive or let her die and reincarnate.)

Art:... and you chose life.

Haida: Well, yeah. It’s the better way.

Art:.... is it? You could have just reincarnated and been okay.

Haida: yeah, and be useless for a thousand years!

Art: A thousand ye- how old are you?!

Haida: Ugh, don’t you know anything about the gods?

Art: Considering the “gods” I’m closest with are a narcissistic dragon and a very horny tentacle monster, no. I don’t.

(Haida then explains that reincarnation isn’t instant. It would take time to be of any help because gods don’t exist in a place where time is necessary.)

Haida: Is there anything else you’d like to know, Oh Great One?

Art:... there is never going to be a version of you that likes me, is there?

Haida: (seems thrown off by this) I don’t know...

Koejin: To be fair... no one likes you.

Art:... Thanks, Koejin. That’s helpful.

Art’s Father: I like you.

Art:... Thanks, Dad.

Reita: (waves her hands around frantically as a way of going “I like you!”)

Art: Love you too, Reita.

Vincent: I... don’t really know you so I guess I’m kinda indifferent.

Art: It’s a better relationship than the other timeline.

(No one else really has anything to say so we wait until there’s banging at the hatch. Koejin calls up to see who it is, but the banging just continues. Eventually, she cracks it and sees someone slashing at the ooze. When she opens it, she’s pushed in and falls as something runs through the bunker.

Art can see it’s this universe’s Reita. She is torn apart and looks like she’s seen better days. He goes to follow her down the corridor but is ultimately stopped by his Reita, who grips him by the arm and frantically shakes her head.)

Art: I just want to go check on her. I’m not going far.

Reita: (still not letting go and shaking her head)

Art: Reita, it’s okay! Just let me... (still struggling to get out of her grip. When she doesn’t let up he frowns at her) What’s wrong? Why won’t you let me go?

Reita: (Trying to speak) ....you....f-ear....

Art: (trying to piece it together) I mean, maybe a little... but that can’t stop me from going.

Reita: (clearly frustrated by her lack of being able to communicate)

Art: (Seeing this and knowing getting free is useless right now) okay.... It’s okay.

Koejin: (Tries to go only to be stopped as well)

(We fight with Reita over this for a moment before there’s some more knocking at this hatch, this time with Eltbalm’s voice demanding to be let in.)

Art: (looks at Koejin) Your boyfriend’s here.

Koejin: (looks at Reita) can I go open the hatch for him)

(Reita agrees to let go so that Eltbalm can be let in. He jumps in and brushes off some of the remaining ooze in a fashion that makes Koejin swoon. But it’s also clear he’s horribly depressed. Eltbalm is then filled in on the situation and makes it clear he doesn’t really care about the state of the world. But he does want his wife back. Using Ticket Master’s powers.)

Art:... I don’t know if that’s the best idea. She could come back different. She might not even be your wife anymore...

Koejin: Yeah, I mean, Look at Art’s hand!

Eltbalm: I don’t care. I just want her back; In any form. You told me you could do it and I will go to the ends of the worlds to get her back.

Art: ....I can appreciate that. (Thinks for a second then nods) okay. You help us, we’ll do what we can to bring her back.

((DM: Is he being genuine?

Me: Yeah. Completely))

(After saying this, Eltbalm agrees to help. He goes to lead us through.

Then Reita grabs him and stops him from going. He tries to muscle through but Reita has a very tight grip on him and is holding him by the back.)

Eltbalm: ...this isn’t going to work if she keeps doing this.

Art: (now trying to persuade her) Reita, we have to keep moving forward if we want to get home. I know you’re scared. But we can’t just stay here. 

Reita: (listens to Art and relucantly lets go of Eltbalm and moves back over to Art.)

(He gives her a hug and she returns to practically clinging to him without stopping him from moving.)

( We start to head down the corridor with Reita at our side as well. Art’s father, Vincent, and Haida all stay behind. As he’s reminded that Koejin doesn’t have dark vision like the rest of us, Eltbalm lights a torch which also makes Koejin swoon a bit. But, she can see that his scales don’t have the same luster and, despite being a white dragonborn, he somehow looks paler.)

Koejin: Hey, Art? You have some sort of spell that can help out Eltbalm and make him feel better? Maybe Calm Emotions?

Art: Yeah, I can do that.

(The caverns fill with a calming melody for a while as we begin out journey. We walk for a very long time through the trail, following Eltbalm. As we continue to walk and find we can’t even really tell where we are anymore. We see a light flickering up ahead.)

Koejin: (carefully notches an arrow as she walks up to investigate this.)

(She finds a fairy who looks at her in confusion.)

Fairy: oh! Hello. Are you friendly?

Koejin: I mean, personality-wise, no. But I don’t mean you any harm. What’re you doing down here?

Fairy: Living... (she looks around as the rest of the party walks up) there sure are a lot of you... What are you doing down here?

Koejin: Well, we’re looking to get to the desert.

Fairy: The desert? Oh, I know a shortcut!

(Koejin rolled to find out if she was really a fairy. It was a low roll but the DM said “yeah, she seems pretty real.” But she does remember that fairies went extinct thousands of years ago during the Great War.

Art and Koejin switch places as Koejin goes to talk to Eltbalm.)

Art: Soooo.... where you from?

Fairy: Here.

Art: And you’ve just been hiding down here? 

Fairy: Yes, from the different mechanical creatures that come and try and eat us.

Art: Is one of them.... a giant hawk?

Fairy: Oh no. Nerve is far too big to make it down here!

Art:... how do you know about Nerve then?

Fairy: Oh, I read about it.

(We talk about how cute it is the idea of a fairy attempting to read a normal sized book.

But while Art is talking to the fairy, Koejin and Eltbalm have a conversation.)

Eltbalm: I don’t really trust her but... if you want to take her up on her offer...

Koejin: Wouldn’t we just be safer going your way?

Eltbalm: .... I have no fucking clue where we are. The paths changed.

Koejin: (glares at Eltbalm but then looks at the caverns to see there are some clear indication of fallen debris. She turns back to the fairy) Are there often collapses in the caverns?

Fairy: Over time, yes. You have the ocassional cave in and such...

Art: When was the last one?

Fairy: It could have happened at anytime and anywhere. The caverns go all over the world, you know!

Koejin: But then, how do we know your shortcut is even still there?

Fairy: Oh, I know it is!

Koejin: (Rolls another insight check and finds she isn’t lying. She knows her way around.) Okay! I think we should follow her.

(We all begin to do this and head on our way.)

Wreybar: (notices Reita staring at the fairy. Once again, she’s salivating)... is it the wings?

Reita: All... so tasty...

Wreybar: Mmm, like chicken... you should get it.

Reita: (nods and goes after the fairy)

Art: (catches Reita mid attack as she was still hanging onto him. Pulls her back) you’re not eating our guide.

Reita: So hungry...

Art: (Gives her another ration which she then devours)

Koejin: So... it’s funny that I’m only seeing one fairy here. Where...?

Fairy: Oh, you mean my brothers and sisters?

Koejin: I mean, I didn’t want to assume you were all related. Seems racist.

Fairy: Well... either way, they’re here. They’re just...shy. If you want to meet them, just turn around!

(All of us freeze at that and slowly turn around to see dead, lifeless fairy bodies hanging on string and following us.)

Art: (not looking away from the horror show)... you have a lovely family...

Wreybar: (sees the wire is also on our guide. She follows it up to see mechanical spiders using them as puppets.)

Fairy: (smiles) You’ve fallen for our trap.

(Next time, we roll for initiative.)

#adventures of art the bard #dnd #dnd bard #dnd ranger #dnd barbarian #tiefling #gnome #dragonborn #dnd paladin #homebrew #homebrew gods #Wreybar is going to be the death of us #And Koejin's kinda decided her and Eltbalm are in a relationship #She's really setting herself up for heartbreak #But she does have a sexy orc captain waiting for her at home #so there's that #shut up jay

[bluejaytaco]

i saw some comments on tiktok where people were talking bout how they found tumblr too hard to use and part of it being that there was no lack of dates so “what if you reblog or like something from five years ago?!” 

buddy… we have posts circulating still from 2011, its literally just how it is

[bluejaytaco]

Everyone should know the international sign for Help Me. Let’s make this famous!!

[bluejaytaco]

Just Indian things

[bluejaytaco]

[bluejaytaco]

My goal for my gender is to be like one of those drawings that look completely different depending on the person.

#gender identity #trans #non-binary #genderfluid #no i do not take criticism #I wanna answer 'are you a boy or a girl' with 'trust your instincts'

[bluejaytaco]

What is this? More DND w/ Jay, you say?!

(Things were retconnned.)

(Art, Koejin, and Wreybar walk through the portal. They stepped into the arena right where they left. There’s no one there, but the headless body of Mrs. Red is still laying on the ground. It’s been weeks, but it’s still fresh. Koejin had reached back through to grab for Theodora, but lost her finger in the process.)

Wreybar: (Going slightly insane again and returning to the stage.)

Art: (looking for his sister. Climbs the walls of the arena to get a look around.)

Koejin: (Too focused on looking at where the portal was to care about their current surroundings.)

Art: (Sees pretty much no one, but does see a giant metal bird attacking a tiefling woman.) Hey guys! There’s a girl being attacked right now! We should go save her, considering she might be able to help us leave!

Wreybar: (attempts to throw Red’s body at Art but it’s a 100 foot wall and she’s in her massive dragon form so Wreybar doesn’t get it far.)

Koejin: (snapping out of her daze) Is she hot?

Art:....

(Me: I’m gonna roll to see if she’s hot. (Rolls pretty high)

DM: Art actually goes ‘I donno, let me see’ instead of just saying ‘yeah’ so that he can save her?

Me: ....yeah, pretty much...)

Art.... She’s a 9. I’m going to save her. 

Koejin: Yeah, yeah. Alright. (Koejin goes to climb the wall and fails)

Art: (Seeing this) Koejin, use the fucking door, you fuckin drunk dumbass!

Koejin: (Looks at the door that is right by her) Oh, yeah.

(Both Koejin and Wreybar walk outside while Art (rolled low) faceplants on the other side of the wall he climbed.)

Koejin: You know there’s a door, right?

Art: (doesn’t move from his faceplant. Gives Koejin the finger. This reminds her of her missing finger.)

By the time we get over to the woman and the bird, it’s already ripped off her face and was working on plucking out her eyes. It turned and looked at us.

Metal Bird: You.... Are not in my systems.... You are....But not.... you.

We just stood there silently for a moment

Metal Bird: Who... are you?

Koejin: ummm, we’re a travelling improv group. Nothing really to be concerned about.

Metal Bird: (Tilts head) No. Who are you? (It moves closer, black ooze dropping from it but then returning to the bird shortly after)

Art:.... Maybe the better question is... who are you?

Metal Bird:.... Interesting... (it flies off after that, taking the body with it)

As soon as the bird flies away, all the tieflings leave their houses and see us standing there. Art’s father pushes through and sees his son (or, at least, who he thinks is his son) and runs up and hugs him.

Art’s Father: Art... I thought you were dead! What happened?!

Art: (Immediately tenses at the hug and moves away) Uh, it’s a long story. A.... very long story.

Art’s Father: ...Well, come in. You all must be famished. (Leads the way to home)

Koejin: (To Art) Hey, isn’t he like... hella dead?

Art: Shhh, Shutupshutup.

As Art’s father leads us all in to the house, he sits us down at the table and gives us all something. For Art, it’s what his counterpart’s favorite (Asparagus with lime. It’s something I can’t stand and the DM knows this.) Wreybar is given a “beyond burger” which is... just a huge thing of meat. Art’s father turns to Koejin.

Art’s Father: I admit... I don’t know what you eat so... here. (hands her a bottle of whiskey.)

Koejin: (grinning) you know, this is alright.

Art’s Father: (turns back to Art) So tell me, where have you been? What happened to you?

Art: A lot of things but, right now, I just... need to find Reita.

Art’s Father: (Calls out for Reita as if she were in the other room. When she doesn’t respond, he turns back to Art) Where is she?

Art: I don’t know. We were separated. But I need to find her.... as soon as possible.

The door opens and.... it’s Reita. This Art’s Reita, not the one from Universe B. There are black blobs dripping off of her like the metal bird, but she’s fine otherwise.

Art: (Immediately stands and goes to her. He hugs her immediately and takes a quick look at her.) Are you okay? Where were you? What happened?

Retita: (Isn’t harmed but not in the right state of mind to speak. She makes a couple of sounds, but seemed to be just happy to be back with her brother.)

Art: (just nods along like he understands her)

Art’s Father:.... That’s not... That’s not Reita... That’s not my Reita (Glares at Art) You’re not my son, are you? (Pulls out his whip. It looks identical to the one he used on both Art and Reita when they were kids)

Reita: (grips Art tightly and tenses up at the sight of the whip)

Art’s Father: Who are you?

Koejin: (Watching with her whiskey, ready to jump in if things go south)

Art: (attempts to maneuver himself so that he’s in between Reita and Dad. When Reita doesn’t loosen her grip to let him move, he decides to just address it as best he can from his position) Look, it’s a lot to explain. If you could just put the whip down, I’ll tell you everything. (rolled high on persuasion.)

Art’s Father: (relaxes slightly and accepts this)

Art sits his father down and literally explains everything. From their home, to Mrs. Red, to what landed them in the second universe in the firs place. He spends so long on the story that it counted as a long rest. Wreybar and Koejin listened to it as if it were an epic tale which, considering Art’s a bard, it probably sounded like it.

By the time he was done, Reita was curled up and sleeping in the corner. Art’s father just sat back, absorbing it all. (I also should have specified leaving out a few details, because...)

Art’s Father: So.... you had sex with a tentacle monster?

Art:.... Yeah... But why is that the main focus?

Art’s Father: ... You really aren’t from here. And I really was... abusive to you?

Art: (Nods) extremely. In fact, Koejin has your whip.

Koejin: (happily pulls it out to show him. He asks to see it, which Koejin allows reluctantly. He finds his initials in the base and nods.)

Art’s Father: I see... I guess the next thing is that we need to get you home.

Koejin: Yes! Absolutely!

Art’s Father: Well... I have a scredriver... (Art’s father is a tinker. Not much of a help when it comes to god portals, I’m sure.)

Art:... Yeah, I don’t think that’s really gonna cut it.

We hear the sound of someone snort and take a deep drag of a joint from the doorway. 

Haida: Yeah, It’s gonna take a whole fuckin’ lot more than that.

Haida explains what happened to make the world so fucked up. Rather than ending the war like our Mrs. Red (with just her own powers and rage over losing her husband, Eltbalm) The Mrs. Red of this world used Ticket Master’s powers. This started the world into a downward spiral in which everything outside the walls of Calor was an apocalyptical wasteland. She recruited some generals to help fight back and keep everyone inside safe. Haida was someone who worked to fight on the outside, but ended up working with Ticket Master.

She pulled a partially robotic Vincent in to talk about his part in everything. Because of his love for Hennessy and his need to protect him, Vincent created an AI called Nerve. It soon became corrupt itself and began working against them. And that was the giant metal bird.

Koejin:.... you named your ‘son’ Nerd?

Art:(shaking his head) You can’t get one name correct. (Context: Koejin was the first one to meet Eltbalm. She told us all his name was Elkbutt.)

Koejin:... Shut up, Fart!

Art: Been holding onto that one for a while, haven’t you?

We hear some weird noises outside. Koejin is the first one to go out and investigate the sound and Art and Wreybar follow behind. There are three black blobs like the ones that fell off of the metal bird and Reita. When the three of us see them, Wreybar apparently heard the first blob say to Koejin that it fucked her mom. She passes that onto Koejin.

Koejin: (gasps) That thing fucked Theodora?! It knows where she is!

Art: (joining in on the whole ‘blobs fucking Theodora’ thing) Let’s kill these shits!

So, we all roll for initiative. The fight moves pretty slow for a bit and Koejin continues to drink. She’s getting drunker throughout the fight and, at one point, Art’s blob and her blob fuse. (Art’s blob is the one that supposedly fucked Theodora) 

Art: (seeing Koejin stumbling with her Whiskey) Hey, can I have some of that?

Koejin: Sure (hands him the bottle)

Art: Thanks (just wanted to get the bottle away from her.)... *muttering* can’t believe I’m the fucking babysitter....

The fighting continues and Wreybar is fucking up her blob. At one point, Koejin uses and action to get the bottle back from Art.

Art: (lifts the bottle above his head so she can’t reach it easily)

Koejin: (practically climbs Art to get the bottle back. She ultimately wins)

Art: (just... let’s her have it)

Art, unable to do much damage without spells, pretty much uses any spell he can against these things. One of his most useful is black tentacles. (He maaay or may not have it because of the certain tentacle monster he fucked.)

Koejin:(sees the spell in action and looks at Art)...(imitates him) Hold on, I need to be alone with my spell.

Art: (knowing immediately what she’s implying with him knowing this particular spell) Shaddup, Koejin.

As the blobs go through and whittle down into one, we all band together to defeat it. Koejin, at one point, shoots an arrow through the blob and something comes out the other side. From her angle, Koejin can’t see what it is. 

But Art can. It’s Ticket Master’s hat.

Art: (immediately runs around the blob to get it)..... (casts Comprehend Languages)

Blob: (still saying nothing. Just making random blob noises)

Art: (Relaxes and puts the hat in his bag.)

Wreybar finishes off the blob. Soon after we win this fight, we hear Art’s father scream. Art runs to find out what’s going on. (He’s worried Reita might have something to do with it.) Koejin and Wreybar are following behind.

They all walk in to see Reita still curled up and asleep on the floor where they left her. Awww, isn’t she cute? 

We then look up to see Art’s father getting choked out by Eltbalm.

#adventures of art the bard #dnd #tiefling #dnd bard #dnd ranger #dnd barbarian #homebrew #homebrew gods #We are the chaotic party #The three of us are gonna have so many fuck ups #And once koejin's sober she's gunna fight with art about ticket master's top hat #He really is an idiot when it comes to Ticket Master #speaking of which #his hand's been suspiciously quiet #shut up jay