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#<- and now you know another reason why it makes me breakdown
somerandomdudelmao · 5 months
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CASS! YOUR BRAIN! IT'S SO... HUGE!!!!Okay, okay. So, to recap what you have confirmed to us-
The robot that we see is NOT controlled by Donnie's spirit. We see that Donnie is able to control it via headset, etc.
Also, the reason this "Plan B" did NOT work is because Casey got possessed by Don's Hamato spirit in a memory from the future on accident.
It was going to work. He was literally mid-crawl before Casey swooped in and tried to help him but ended up somehow bringing his spirit into the past and cloning him a new body with plot serum.
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We don't know if this robot would have worked. We don't know if Donnie even had enough equipment to make a robot body like the one he made for Raph. Maybe it would have failed. Maybe everything would've been okay. I just don't know.
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But that's the beauty of this series. You planned this since you first decided how Donnie was going to die. Yes, you've said that you're kind of as clueless as we are at times when it comes to "what's next." But the amount of detail you put into this is ASTOUNDING!
Even with your VERY FIRST COMIC, you used Don's failed experiment with Leo and turned it into another chapter where we found out that Donnie was trying to find a cure for Mikey's peepawed body!!!
The fact that Donnie not only didn't say anything before he died because you knew that it "wasn't the end for him," but he also had a plan B that he didn't tell anybody about hence the guilty faces, the reasurrences, and ignoring Leo's "we don't need to worry" talks. And he couldn't simply tell them that "everything was gonna be okay" because his plan possibly wouldn't even work!!!
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AND THAT'S WHY HE HAD A BREAKDOWN WHEN HE LOOKED BACK AT ALL THE RECORDINGS OF THE RESISTANCE FAILING BECAUSE NOT ONLY IS HE WATCHING EVERYONE HE TRIED TO PROTECT WITH EVERYTHING HE HAD DIE BEFORE HIS EYES, BUT HE ALSO REALIZED THAT HE FAILED THEM AND LEFT THEM WITH NOTHING!!! HE FEELS SO USELESS AND GUILTY FOR SOMETHING HE HAD NO CONTROL OVER!!!!
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Even since we first met Raph, we got Don's theory about how storing spirits into mechs worked. He probably used the rest of their most valuable resources to even BUILD that thing.
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I don't know if when they all realize that Casey is actually the reason Mikey couldn't sense any of their spirits because he snatched them up and brought them to the past/different timeline that they're either gonna feel angry or like "Oh!....oh." You know?
It seems to me that they still don't know the answer to that question. With all of them back, I thought they would have by now, but I guess we'll see pretty soon.
A lot of things could happen in this chapter. Good things, bad things, it's quite a toss-up. Let's just hope this whole big misunderstanding comes to a big finish soon. Donnie deserves a comeback. Everyone deserves to have a breather where they can all just...talk. Cause' by GOD there is a lot to talk about. I know they had some downtime before Miwa showed up, but Donnie's still working. If Donnie doesn't finally open up to his family by the end of this, I'm bringing out the beach balls, I swear.
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satoruwiki · 2 months
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Roommate gojo stealing your plushies to hump them
⊹ ˚˖ ▹ MODERN PROBLEMS, MODERN SOLUTIONS!
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MINORS, AGELESS AND BLANK BLOGS DNI.
content: nsfw; smut; afab!f!reader; pervy!gojo; roommate!au; masturbation
w.c: 0.9k
n/a: somebody get this man a fleshlight before he makes a hole on your stuff 😭lol. any feedback/request/interaction supporting this post is very much appreciated <3 previously on pervy roommate!gojo.
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Since the 'pillow incident,' as you called it, you stopped Satoru from doing your laundry.
"Why? Did I ruin one of your clothes?" He asked, his eyes wide like the ones of a puppy being scolded.
You bit back from saying 'yes,' unsure of how to address the situation, "No, it's just... I've been thinking that maybe it's a little weird for you, a guy, to wash my clothes, y'know?"
"I really appreciate your help, 'toru, but I feel a little awkward to have you wash my underwear. It'd be best if I did it myself."
Doubt gnawed at his mind. Had you seen him without him noticing? If so, when? How could he know? To try to talk about it even in passing would be like walking on a landmine; it would raise suspicions in case his theory was false. Satoru had not perceived any anomaly in your attitude -except for the latter- nor in your relationship with him, so what motivated you to suddenly make such a decision?
Whatever the reason, you had deprived him of a means to yearn for you, as he liked to describe it. Now that he had no reason to enter your room without permission and apparent reason, he must either make do or come up with another idea. You may not have known it yet, but Satoru was persistent and determined.
"Stop! It's not funny!" you giggled, throwing your plushie back at him, "you're gonna mess up my hair. It took me hours to get it right," you turned back to your vanity mirror, finishing your makeup with a fine coat of lip gloss on your lips.
Satoru gave you a funny look. "It did not take you hours," he said incredulously.
"It did, but you would not know that because you're a man, and guys don't know the real struggles of making yourself pretty," you answered matter-of-factly, "I almost had a breakdown getting these fuckers to look even," you pointed to your eyeliner.
"Anyway, I gotta go now. Text me if you're gonna bring a girl here; I wouldn't want to walk on you like last time," you said, heading out.
Satoru rolled his eyes, feeling his cheeks burn that you remembered that little incident. "That was months ago!" you heard before closing the door behind you.
Okay, maybe it wasn't totally an accident; he just wanted to see what would be your reaction if you caught him having sex with another girl. He felt very disappointed when you were so chill about it; it made him feel dumb to think his genius plan would work.
"My god, why does she always remember the embarrassing bits?" Satoru groaned under his breath with shame in his words, bringing his hands to his face, trying to hide from his embarrassment.
Satoru felt a whirlwind of nerves and frustration inside him. He wondered how much longer he could stand hiding his feelings from you. It felt like the more he spent time with you, the harder it got. How much more could he take without you? Without embracing your silky soft lips against his, without exploring the curves of your body and discovering what makes you reach ecstasy, without marking your skin with tokens of love and hearing those honey-sweet sounds that ring like an unparalleled symphony to his ears.
"Fuck," Satoru whined, closing his lips shut to stifle his sounds as he palmed his pulsing hard cock over his tented pants, his mind wandering off in libidinous places. 
Satoru cursed; he couldn't use your pillow or your underwear to relieve his cock, not without risking your suspicions raising. He moaned in discomfort; he needed something that belonged to you (or that at least had your scent on), or he couldn't tame down his libido.
His hand brushed against the soft texture of the plushie, causing his eyes to pry open. He gazed at the cuddly plush creature and hesitated; should he profane something so adorable? It still had traces of your perfume on it...
He hoped you could forgive him if you ever find out what happened, he implored mentally, inhaling your fragrance from the poor cuddly toy. Soft whimpers escaped him, feeling close... to you. Sometimes, he liked to pretend you were watching him or were actively participating, that his hand wasn't his and was your warm fingers palming his cock instead, talking him through it with that velvety voice of yours. "Fuck, yes baby, I love you so, so much," he babbled, grinding over the soft toy.
Satoru hovered over the plushie and humped it with abandon, the wet patch on his pants getting larger and larger the more he sought friction with the inanimate toy and chased his climax. He wrinkled the sheets underneath him by fisting them tightly, panting and babbling nonsense about you and the things he'd do to you if you just gave him a chance.
His muscles tensed and his body writhed, his orgasm drawing a strangled noise out of him. Satoru let his body plop on the mattress, his chest heaving and eyes lidded, blissed out and tired. His gaze slowly drifted to the toy in his hand, and he mentally cursed himself, watching it now soiled with translucent, slimy fluid.
"Smells like detergent, did you clean it?" You asked, sniffing on the toy that usually sat on your bed, now smelling like fresh linen instead of its usual scent.
Satoru twiddled his fingers, giving you an apologetic look. "Yeah, sorry, I accidentally spilled something on it."
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saiidahyunie · 4 months
Text
dried flower
myoui mina x reader 
synopsis: being the timekeeper is a big responsibility to fill as a drummer, but why does that internal metronome go out of control whenever you’re around your band’s manager mina? 
wc: 3.7k
warnings: smut, fluff, cursing
✩♬ ₊˚.
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a/n: mina fits the cool girl vibe so well
also the smaller text is so much cleaner here^^
i kinda like it @miinatozakiii
“fuck!”
you yell out in frustration as you throw your drumsticks down on the floor and shove the door open.
“what the hell is wrong with y/n? she’s been out of it all week!” 
you overhear your bandmate jay ask winter, the band’s leader as the whole group is left in confusion of your little breakdown as the door behind you shuts by itself.
“we only have two weeks until the gig and we need to have these songs down! she-” 
“it’s already a rough week for her as it is!” vernon shoots back as the band’s bassist, “you need to give her some slack since you’re already terrible at doing that anyway, jay.” 
“why you little-” 
“enough! both of you!” another voice is heard in the room as they look to see mina, who had been sitting in the sea of empty chairs and watched the whole thing unfold.
“arguing with each other isn’t gonna make the situation better.” mina sternly says, “i’ll step outside and see how y/n’s doing.” standing up from her seat as she exits the same door you almost busted down moments ago.
“dammit…” you sighed out in frustration as you leaned over the balcony overseeing the city lights, the breeze calming your thoughts as you continued to breathe at a slower pace, calming your heart rate. 
“figured you’d be up here.” 
you turn around to see mina, who was standing in the doorway as you leaned back against the railing, pressing your finger and thumb against the bridge of your nose as mina smirked at your distressed state, leaning over the railing to take in the view.
“what are you doing?” 
mina shakes her head at your question, “i’m just here to check on you, not as a manager, but a friend.” 
you scoff at her statement, “you didn’t have to do all that i was just-” 
“y/n, just shut up and let me listen to what’s going on in your head.” 
you don’t know why, but you feel a slight shift in your heart after mina’s sudden demand. it could be that or it could be just your fear of heights as you let your head back looking over your shoulder of the various cars on the street making their way around on a friday night. 
“why do you want to know what’s going on with me?” 
“because i have to keep everyone in shape in addition to not having one person tear the whole band apart.” mina responds, almost laughing as brushes a few strands of hair off her face from the wind. 
instead of keeping your wall up to mina since she’s the kind of person that will persist in asking questions until they get answered, you sighed in defeat as you met mina’s face, peering at the two beauty marks as she kept her eyes on you.
“i… just got out of a relationship.” you say, picking your fingernails as mina watches intently as you explained your emotional outburst. 
“stupid i know, but it’s been lingering on my mind for a week and a half now.” you continue to ramble, “i can’t think straight because of my stupid mistakes and-” 
a finger is drawn to your lips as your train of thought comes to a halt, mina’s soft side showing as her heart sank after hearing what you were going through, acting in sympathy in an attempt to mend your shattered state.
“who’s the girl?” she asks as you wave her finger off your face. 
“ryujin, i don’t know if you-” 
mina scoffs at your answer. to be fair, if it were anyone else you were telling about your relationship troubles and they did the same thing as mina, you’d swing first right on sight if that were the case. but for some reason, you weren’t offended at all by her antic; in fact, you were appalled that she was acting like this in front of you. 
“her?!” mina giggles out as you stand there speechless. 
“you can definitely do better y/n, no offense.” 
“none taken, actually, that made me feel a little bit better.” you mumble as she places a hand on your arm on the railing. 
“how bout i call practice off and we just hang out at my place?” she asks wistfully, “besides, the others don’t really need the extra practice for three additional songs.” 
you hesitated at her question as she rubbed her thumb across your forearm, looking at you straight in the eye as you bit your lip contemplating on what could happen–or what has already happened. 
so, in a brief second you scratch your temple trying to make your brain work faster in giving an answer to your manager and eventually you give her one, “okay, i’ll take your offer.” 
mina flashes that gummy smile at you, “great! i’ll go tell the others.” she says as she walks back into the studio complex as you stood there dumbfounded at what you just got yourself into. 
your eyelids flutter open a little at an unfamiliar ceiling.
as you laid on the bed motionless trying to piece together the bits of information your eyes were receiving, it wasn’t enough as you slowly sat up trying to connect the dots more. the drowsiness still present as you tried to fight the urge to fall back asleep. the more you blinked yourself awake as you hear the small whirr of a fan humming in the room, everything starts to come together–but there’s still gaps in your memory. 
the questions kept pouring in your head: “where am i?”, “who’s house is this?”, “how did i get here?” all listed as you scanned the room for anything that might help solve your predicament as you tug the comforter off of you–no pull as it seemed like it was weighed down by something.
after failing to get the comforter off, you continued to assess the unfamiliar room, and then another piece of the puzzle clicked in your head–this wasn’t your place. 
in the corner of your eye, you saw a figure form in the comforter, her back turned to you with her long black hair covering it. still asleep while you were panicking shitless trying to piece the events from last night. you shift yourself up a little bit better as you notice your bare shoulder, lifting the comforter to see that you were completely naked, adjusting the comforter more to see the figure sleeping next to you in the same appearance.  
the figure makes a murmuring sound, stirring awake as you pick up on the small sound that sounded a little peculiar, but also one that you recognized hearing before. 
no, there’s no way right? 
the figure sits up slightly as she turns around confirming everything that you feared as the person ruffles their hair, making it look more presentable. 
“mina?!” you cry out in surprise.
mina rubs her eyes together as the comforter drops down to her waist, her hair in the perfect spot in covering her tits as she yawns while you rush to cover yourself up frantically. 
“morning.” mina says nonchalantly, stretching for a bit as you stare in shock at the possibility that you just did more than just hang out at mina’s place.
well your mind tells you that the “possibility” was now all but a “certainty” as you scanned the room again to see a spree of clothes sprawled out across the room, the wine bottle and two glasses set on the nightstand that could explain one thing, but you still can’t remember all of it. 
“did we?” you ask in disbelief as mina chuckles at your stupid question.
“you don’t remember?” she asks you the better pressing question as you tried extremely hard to remember what you did–and then everything comes back.
flashes of last night came into your brain like a slideshow, giving a vivid play by play recap of what went down last night: drinking on the couch, laughing about stupid band stories, staring at mina, staring at mina’s lips and eventually…
you and mina kiss. at first it was wrong, but for some reason, there was a sense to get more.
one thing led to another from bumping into the door, stripping each others’ clothes off, you straddling mina, never ending groans here and there as you makes her way down to her–okay that would explain everything your mind tried to process but mina was the one who helped you in the end. 
as you and mina continue to stare at each other for a few more seconds, you then get off from her bed as you desperately scrounge up your belongings together, making sure that you didn’t leave anything behind, shuffling through the house as mina, now fully clothed, trailed behind you up until you reached the front door. 
“sorry i’m just confused right now, that's all mina. i didn’t mean to rush out on you like that and-” 
mina places a hand on your cheek, calming your train of thought,  “it’s okay y/n, if you need space for a bit all you have to do is just ask.” 
you scoff at her offer again, you didn’t want space away from mina, there was something about her that was comforting and it felt relaxing. then again, you weren’t so sure of yourself considering how ridiculously fast you were moving on from ryujin and in your “friendship”  with mina. 
“what if i don’t want space?” 
mina tilts her head at you, “what is it that you want?” 
“i don’t know i-” 
“maybe this will help clear your mind.” 
she draws you in for a quick, passionate kiss. you were thrown off by the contact of her delicate lips as you prop your hand just under her chin for better stability. it wasn’t anything out of the ordinary for mina to be forgoing with her actions but you happily reciprocated them as you almost fell backward.
pulling away, you sigh out in relaxation, blushing at mina’s new side as she giggles at your flustered face.
“i should be mad that it worked, but thank you.” you said as you locked your lips with hers again, retreating after, still brushing lips together.
“my door is always open for you.” mina mutters as she breaks the hug with you walking out the door. 
“i’ll let you know if i ever need that again.” 
mina hums at your small promise as you walk out of her house waving goodbye.
the next following weeks were hell for your heart and mind as things somewhat returned to normal. sure, you managed to get the songs down with the rest of the band, but you felt like something was missing.
mina wasn’t like the previous manager your band worked with in the past. she was stern, quick witted, and had a changing duality between her casual and work related persona. you learned that she was very caring in the member’s individual conditions, always understanding what they have going on in each of their lives despite her cold tone at times. 
her home also reflected her appearance as her apartment minimal, but had various expensive items that would make you think she bought them off the dark depths of the internet; it fit her that’s for sure and you catch yourself slowly getting attached to what you and her have brewing in your intimate friend/relationship? 
“everything okay with you?” vernon asks you one day before the gig your band was supposed to play at.
“yeah,” you respond, “i have most of the songs we went over for jihyo’s-“
“that’s not what i meant y/n.” vernon butts in, “i was talking about your love situation.”
even though you were perceived to be a closed off person in the band, you were fond of vernon’s quirk of always knowing how to pry through your tough shell. because of that, you and him grew close outside the studio where you usually practice.
“it’s been tough, but i’m just healing and breathing.” you say as you sip water through your pastel pink hydroflask.
“is there something going on between you and mina?” vernon asks suddenly, making you spill a few drops of water on your shirt.
“no? why do you ask?”
“i’ve seen the look you give her during rehearsals, the eyes never lie y/n, they never will.”
“she’s just a caring manager, even if she doesn’t talk as much while we practice, she makes sure to have us something to do on the weekends that way we’re not at the studio 24/7.”
vernon exhales in agreement, “you do have a point, but mina seems to get closer to you after your little episode.” you flash a look at him, astounded at his observation.
“let’s not talk about that please?” you ask as vernon laughs at your pleading request.
on one good productive rehearsal a month after your accidental one night stand with mina, you and her agreed to not let anything happen between the both of you as the band was back in strong shape with the harmonious tunes of jay’s and vernon’s guitars blending well alongside winter’s voice with the simple beat of your drums. 
everything was going well as you just let your inner metronome control your muscle memory as you lightly bash a couple licks and fills in the various songs–giving it a little bit more spice as you share glances with the other members in the band, nodding for your approval as you bopped your head to the music. 
and then you set your eyes on mina.
even for a short second, you let your hands and feet continue their work on the instrument in front of you as you stared at mina a little too long as her eyes mirrored yours, looking away to your ipad off to the side trying to cover your flushed expression. while you were doing that, mina bit her lip at the sight of you drumming away as she watched the band play out.
once you guys were cleaning up, you were getting your drums in the case as you took inventory of all your necessary equipment as you picked up the sounds of footsteps walking to you.
“jay, for the last time i already said no to your drinks offer.” you say as you look up to not see jay, but her instead. 
“oh hey…” you say softly as mina flips her hair to the side.
“just wanted to check up on you, how are you doing?” 
“i’m fine.” you respond as you shove your bag of drumsticks into the bass drum case, “i still need to listen to the last song but otherwise, i’m good.” 
mina takes the small foot stand from vernon’s spot as she sat on it while you matched her height on one knee. the chemistry that's been concocting from simple “hellos”, longing stares, and that slender neck that you’ve marked multiple times that night as mina also seems to have the same thoughts that you were having.
“y/n, we’re waiting outside are you sure you want to-” 
winter walks back into the room as she forgot her phone to see you and mina get unbelievably close, standing in a bit of a shock as you and mina try to play it cool, making it look like mina was helping you get the last parts of your drumset into the bag. 
“it’s okay wint, i was gonna go back home anyway, too tired as of late.” you say, sliding your ipad into your handbag as mina got up to turn off the lights on the other side of the room. 
“you sure?” 
“yeah, i’m sure.” 
“if you say so and oh!” 
you turn back to winter as you shoulder your bag, pursing your lips at winter’s lingering offer to bond with the band members some more.
“i’m glad that you’re moving on from ryujin, she didn’t really seem the kind of person to fit you anyway.” she ways as she turns around and walks out, earning a scoff from you as you look down at your feet from the sentence you just heard. 
“you had no idea how much i wanted to hear that.” you mutter to yourself as you see mina return back from checking the lights of the small studio. 
“wanna get out of here?” mina asks you as you ponder her question for a little bit longer than you should’ve as she stares at you promisingly that you’d take up on her offer again.
is it okay for me to do this with her? what if history repeats itself with mina? will i make the same mistakes i did with ryujin and how could i live with myself if the others found out that i’ve slept with our manager- 
you freeze for a second as mina grabs your hand, pulling you to the exit.
“let’s go y/n.” she says, you nodded as you followed her out, your hand gripping hers tightly as your heart shifted again at mina’s action. 
that same shift happened again as you and mina didn’t even make it past the front door. 
it’s fast, hazy, and hot–your brain was sending all the right signals to your limbs as you were driven by mina’s lips all over you. 
gripping her hair as she presses you against the door to her apartment, letting out a few soft moans in her mouth as she blindly opens the door behind you. stepping backward as your hands had more roughness, grabbing mina closer as she pulls away for a second to breathe.
“are you sure about-” you whisper at a loss of words, “why-” 
“stop.” mina groans, her lips sloppily placed on the edge of your lips, “just don’t think for once.” 
mina’s hands begin to discard your dark grey hoodie as you shuffle through the house, groans echoing in the hallway as you refuse to push mina away, reaching the room and crashing onto the bed as she mounts on top of you.
“don’t fight what you need, embrace it.” mina whispers in your ear as she pulls away from you, gazing at your lowly state as you try to get up, only to be pushed down back onto the mattress. “mina what the-” 
“shhh.” she coos, biting her lip at the sight of your flushed cheeks as you tried not to make eye contact with her. mina’s hands working your pants as the growing sensation between your legs grew more and more the closer she took your clothes off.
“you’re so pretty for me when you’re like this.” mina hums as you whimper at the sound of her rasping voice. your eyes meet hers as you were clearly aroused with how she wanted to take control the second time of hooking up.
“mina,” you start off saying shakily, “don’t hold back. show me how badly you want to wreck me.” 
mina hums at your demand, giving her the greenlight as she runs a finger through the damp cloth of you soaked underwear, sliding it off your legs smoothly, tossing it away carelessly as she smiles at the beautiful sight of you, kissing your neck again making her way down to the lower half of your body.
at this point, you didn’t care if it was right or wrong, nor the fact that you couldn’t remember the last time you slept with mina. all that mattered was how hot mina was making your body as she slotted herself between your legs, her breath right on top of your entrance, gripping the bed sheets as she was teasing up until the last moment of bliss you so desperately needed.
you gasp as your back arched once mina parted your folds open, tongue flicking up your dripping core as she purrs in delight of the first tastes of your slick juices. fuck who cares if you didn’t remember what you did with mina the first time, you just wanted to enjoy the moment of her going down on you as your heart was racing uncontrollably. 
“my f-fucking god.” you breathed out as mina continued to ravage you, gripping her hair as she clutched onto your legs, nearly scratching them with her well trimmed nails. 
the pace of her tongue in you, stimulating your senses to the point where your mind felt like you were one with the clouds. what seemed like forever she was down there as it elevated to a whole different level when she started to pump her fingers inside to push you more faster to the edge. hands grasping the bed frame to the point where it could break with your back and head pressing further and further down as you were making incoherent sounds of how good you were getting fucked. 
“i’m so clo-hngh!” you moaned loudly as your body shook in mina’s face, still taking in all of your slick from climaxing as your body starts to relax, sinking into the bed as mina relentlessly cleans you up as you lay there barren, mind still hazy from the absolute pumping you just received from your crushing manager. 
mina laps up the last of your cum as she ingests the last of your taste on her fingers as she helps you sit up against the headboard, pampering you with more kisses for a few more minutes as you regain your senses. 
you lean your head back as she plants her lips on your neck once again, stopping as she notices you raised your hand up, looking at her with half-lidded eyes as bundles up across from you. 
“something on your mind?” mina asks you as you finish catching your breath.
“i don’t know,” you reply, “it still feels like i don’t deserve what we have going on but,” mina tilts her head at your reason.
“my heart races and my mind feels at ease whenever i’m around you.” 
“that so?” 
you hum, nodding at her question to confirm her odd suspicion, kissing her knee as you shift yourself on the bed, ignoring the throbbing core in your thighs as you ran your thumb on your bottom lip. 
“i like this side of you mina, especially the one you had just now.” 
mina snickers at your observation, you flash a soft smirk as she meets your eyes again, running her hands through her dishelved hair before leaning forward for another kiss.
“that’s what happened the last time since you look like you don’t remember, so now we’re even.” 
“what do we even call this?” you ask her as you hold her hand.
“we can be whatever you like, just as long as you let me go down on you like that.” 
your heart shifts again as you and mina share a laugh together on the bed, and this won’t be the last time for moments like these. 
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kentosbabes · 1 year
Text
D for an A.
Professor Nanami who walked into class on the first day not expecting to see you, you had met previously at a party hosted by one of his college friends. But there you are, sitting in his lecture hall with a pen in your pretty mouth. Nanami remembered you vividly, your aura and beauty brought men from all ends of the house to right in front of you. He can remember the drunk kids you shared on a dare. Nanami can see you conversing with another classmate of yours, your head flogging back with a laugh on your lips.
Professor Nanami hated how you made him feel like a blushing schoolgirl. He feels an unbridled desire for you, it shakes him to his very core. He knows he shouldn’t like you like that. It’s wrong, its perverse, you’re so innocent and naive to the ways of an older man. He refuses to acknowledge his feelings for you, which is becoming an increasingly difficult way to suppress his emotions. Nanami fucks his fist with your name on his tongue and your face flicking through his mind in a post-orgasmic state. It makes it much harder to see you the next day for class.
He was nervous, Professor Nanami asked you to stay back after a mock exam. He noticed you haven’t been yourself for a couple days, your usually high exam results have taken a hit. You’re one of his more intelligent students, so seeing you do so bad? It infuriated him. He knows you can do better so that was probably why he asked you to stay back. “I’m disappointed in you and your attitude to my class, do you feel like you don’t have to try so hard because you get good results anyways in the real thing?” Your eyes start to well up and Nanami realises you might actually cry in front of him, “I just want to know why, that’s all, so I can best support you.”
Professor Nanami was shocked when you told him the that the reason why you weren’t doing so well was because of you break up with your boyfriend. You broke it off mutually due to compatibility reasons but it didn’t hurt any less. Nanami was only wishing that he could make you feel better, perhaps go down on you or fuck you till you forget his name and who he was.
It was awkward for Professor Nanami and you after your random breakdown in his office, he was strangely an excellent listener. The kiss you shared at the party was initiated by the crowd chanting and the haziness from the hella drinking you did for your friend's birthday. You assumed he'd want to bring it up but all he gave you were lustful stares when he thought you weren't watching, but you would have to be blind to not notice his darkening gaze when you spoke or looked at him.
You confer with your friend about Professor Nanami and she aptly suggests you need a rebound and he seems single and ready to fuck. Thus began operation D for an A. Nanami noticed a lack of effort on your part in his class work, he asked around and it seemed like this was an issue in his class and his class alone. What was different about him? He told you to stay back to discuss your recent performance in class.
Professor Nanami looked good enough to eat, your plan was simple, to fuck him and rebound from your ex. Hopefully, he's down as well. He asked you to stay back and you hope he's finally gotten the hints you have been giving him all week, including the dropped items you bent down to get and sucking all manners of items like pens and lollipops. He locked the door, "Darlin' we need to talk about your grades." You look up at him and decide to be a brat, "well, have I been a bad girl? Maybe you need to punish me?"
Professor Nanami was not expecting this at all. His eyebrows raised to his hairline, you wanted him? Why? You were under a decade his junior. He stepped forward and put your chin in between his index finger and thumb. "Oh really?" He teased, he would think about the practicalities of this relationship later, right now you're too irresistible for him to resist. You lean in to kiss him and it is nothing you have ever felt before, the sheer practice and experience made you feel out of your depth.
His cock twitched at the thought of you cucking on his dick like you teased him with that god-forsaken lollipop. Lord knows how you pictured yourself on your knees sucking Professor Nanami's cock in his office. The thrill of getting caught somehow made you even wetter if that was possible. You don't know what prompted you to be so promiscuous, but this worked for him. You closed the gap between you and started to unbuckle his trousers, looking up through your eyelashes for permission.
Professor Nanami nodded and you pulled his black boxers down alongside his trousers. His cock was hardening under your touch, it was like nothing you have ever seen before, definitely, the largest you have ever sucked. You wonder if it's even going to fit in your mouth. His grunts and groans sound melodic to you as you kitten-lick him to get used to his size. You breathe through your nose, a tip learnt from your friends but never got to use due to your ex's uselessness in bed. Taking a breath and sucking, deep-throating him. Your cheeks hollowing and tears streaking your face almost made him cum right there and then.
Professor Nanami could've taken you right there on his desk, but he wanted to take his time with you and fuck you senselessly so you forget that ex-boyfriend of yours. He could feel himself drawing to a close, right on the edge, "Doll, I'm going to cum," he pauses, "good girls swallow, can you do that for me? hm?" He throws his head back with a whine caught in his throat, you swallowed. You actually swallowed his seed because he asked, the image of white cum leaking out of your mouth and streaked makeup could've made him fuck you right there.
You ask Professor Nanami for a second round at his place. "Obviously, I still need to fuck you so well you forget his name."
Masterlist
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stagefoureddiediaz · 18 days
Text
7x05 promo meta
Thank you 911 for dropping those stills - its save you all from my terrible quality screen shots!
This was supposed to be a costume meta, and it is, but things rather got away from me so its got a bit of a mishmash of spec and the like in it! its probably incoherent but my brain is whirring!
Ok first things first - Firehouse!
Soooo whenever we've had firehouse scenes before between Buck and Eddie, the one not in uniform is the one receiving advice - Buck after he found out about Daniel, Eddie during the Black out etc. So I expect this scene to play to a similar theme.
The green jacket for Buck is an interesting one for me, green is all about growth - especially this shade of green. I think this scene will be the first time Buck and Eddie see one another in person - Buck perhaps re-apologising to Eddie, clearing the air, Eddie offering buck some advice (i don't know exactly what advice, but perhaps along the lines of not bottling things up and talking to him etc!).
The fact its a broadcloth jacket harks back to his shirt jacket from Eddies breakdown - that one was very red, so there's no direct connection to the meaning of that jacket from a colour theory perspective, but there is a wider theme connecting to the broadcloth - broadcloth is a fabric that was historically used for military uniforms (it still is) so the use of broadcloth has this element of going to war - unlike the red jacket that signalled danger and Buck going to 'war' to both get to Eddie and to then help him in the aftermath, this one is more likely to be a war related to Bucks 'bad behaviour' from the basketball game and I think and with the green of the jacket meaning growth, I expect this scene to show them on a more even footing - one where the one doesn't need to go to war for the other, because the 'war' is over, this is the aftermath now and Buck has grown (in the same way that Eddie was in green during and after his breakdown - he grew from that moment)
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Date night - for Buck and Tommy
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Firstly I want to mention the fact that Check theory is in overdrive for this scene - the check is literally everywhere - floor, tablecloths, walls, windows, the guy sat to the side of Tommy. Something is clearly going to happen that is going to lead to some sort of chaos. My money is on Check shirt guy suddenly becoming ill and interupting both dates (call back to Buck choking on bread would be chefs kiss imo as that was Bucks first proper date!!).
I originally thought his was the same shirt Buck wore when he was trying to donate sperm - however, turns out it isn't it isn't, this is a knit bowling shirt while the one from the sperm donation storyline was a knit polo (no buttons all the way down the front). I do think the remarkable similarity between the two shirts is relevant though. because Buck trying to donate sperm, was Buck trying to start a new life, but it was a false start when he was wearing the similar shirt (because the power was out at the clinic) and he is essentially doing the same thing here - he's on his first 'date with a dude' and is starting a new life as a bisexual man - only it seems he's probably going to try and hide it from Eddie - thus a false start in the same way his first attempt to donate sperm was. thing is, Buck was successful in making his donation in the end, so even if he has a couple of false start in this episode, he'll be successful in the end (see the end of this meta for the reason why!!)
Tommy is in brown (possibly a dark olive green, but it looks more brown to me at this moment in time!). Brown is of course one of Eddies staple colours, so we are continuing with the Tommy Being costumes as a version of Eddie!
But Brown is a colour of stability and strength - its solid ground. It's showing us that Tommy is completely comfortable in his sexuality (whatever denomination of queer he is as we don't know at this point!). Its also a colour of safety support and protection (its why many police and military uniforms around the world are brown - meant to invest a sense of protection - a reflection of what that job is supposed to be!). for me thats playing on the idea that Tommy is going to protect and support Buck on this date - Buck not wanting to come out to Eddie in that moment and Tommy supporting that and protecting Bucks right to chose when and how he gets to come out to the people in his life (and I adore him for that!) is my guess on why he's wearing brown here.
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Eddie and Marisol's date night
(as an aside - Bucks face in the still below is hilarious!!)
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I already mentioned the pink handbag in my 7x04 meta, but now we also have a pink skirt to add into the mix and its a ditsy print of two shades of pink, which not only further supports my pink and innocence theory about this season, but it also plays into how both Shannon and Ana were costumes as well - in lots of pink and in ditzy prints!!! Marisol (who doesn't even have a last name) is not long for the world of 911 - if it doesn't end in this episode, its gonna be over very very soon! She is going to essentially be an innocent bystander in whatever the hell is going to go down at this date night fun house we're about to see, whether her seemingly naive personality (well what little personality she seems to have!) plays into things as well, we'll have to wait and see!
The other aspect of this outfit that is making me laugh is the fact that the skirt is giving me 1980's/early 1990's teen vibes (not to out myself as old but trust me I had some just like this back then and I wouldn't be caught dead in it now as a grown woman!!) and the baby pink handbag looks like something an 8 year old would have to play dress up with - its all very childish and immature - naive one could say, and its suggesting to me that we're going to see some pretty childish behaviour from her at some point in this episode (we'll have to wait and see if I'm right!). The other aspect oof this childish style we're seeing on her plays into Eddies narrative of looking for magic and trying to recreate what he had with Shannon. Its for me one of the reasons why i think we have s2 Eddies hair back, especially this greased back version in this scene - its a nod to his s2 arc when he tried to recreate the magic with Shannon. Eddies journey is about learning that he cannot recapture or recreate that magic he had when he was young - that the love of youth - in all its innocence is not something that is sustainable or actually what he wants in the present. for me, him figuring this out is an important part of his wider un-repression arc and will allow him to move forward and learn that he needs to build a relationship on a stronger foundation that magic and innocence. That (ghost of a) second chance with Shannon ended up as a literal car crash (sorry to be blunt but it was a metaphor back then too!) so my feeling is that this is going to go the same way - and end in a figurative (at least) car crash.
As for the chain necklace! you can read my 6x15 metas for a fuller run down this one is the most comprehensive one (and theres some stuff lurking on other meta posts as well) but essentially every single one of Buck or Eddies girlfriends have worn a chain necklace (there is also a bracelet too, which I think Marisol wore in 7x01 but her scene was so blink and you'll miss it that I can't get a good still to be sure!) of this style - I never did get to writing the full meta on the chain necklaces I intended - the season 6 finale rather deflated my enthusiasm to do so, but I can talk about it here so, things worked out I guess!
Chains are a representation of incarceration, or of holding something back. they are a huge symbol of slavery and are used in derogatory terms when used to talk about relationships (the old ball and chain etc). This is why we see them on all the women connected to either Buck or Eddie, and never on any of the other female characters in the show - these women are essentially holding Buck and Eddie back, they are chains to be broken free of.
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Then we have Eddie in his white shirt! There are a couple of reasons I am completely in love with this choice! firstly is the most obvious, it paints things very black and white for Eddie and Marisol - they are opposites! In this context, the wardrobe department are deliberately creating that opposition between them - and in combo with that pink bag and skirt - things aren't going to end well for them.
Black is a colour that sucks light and colour from things (yes there is the concept of the little black dress etc for dating but thats more about timeless elegance and Marisol is not wearing a black dress!) that absorbs everything around it - you can see in the picture below how the black of her top is absorbing the colour while Eddies white shirt is bouncing it around and glowing with the red - its especially obvious on her sleeve which is partially sheer and partially matt - the sheer parts are picking up the light, making the black non sheer parts still look black.
The other reasons I am living for the Eddie in a white shirt of it all is the fact that it really highlights that red lighting - this use of red - in this setting at that moment - when it doesn't appear to be anywhere else in the scene and certainly not around Buck and Tommy - can only mean danger and anger. Its telling us that Eddie is not happy - jealous definitely (that look is one of jealousy!) its also hinting at underlying anger though. My thoughts on this is that its playing into Eddie having to face up to his feelings for Buck - that he understands them, and perhaps feels like he missed his shot
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The other reason I'm obsessed with the choice to put Eddie in a white shirt is this ⬇️⬇️⬇️⬇️⬇️
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Because yes that is Eddie in white and Buck in dark blue, and yes that is the only other time we've seen Eddie in white in the entire show (excepting white shorts in fight club and even they fit the theme we're seeing here). Seeing them in the same colour ways here is very much giving Buck and Eddie divorce era 3.0 (fight club/lawsuit was 1.0 and the one above was 2.0) vibes.
Having dinner with Buck (or in the same space as Buck) and his current partner and the blue and white (and green that Tommy is wearing which matches the green that Taylor was wearing) is definitely a choice. This scene in season 5 was essentially a Buck and Eddie break up - 'move on Buck, I have' - we all know how that spiral ended - with Eddie digging in with his leaving the 118 and excluding himself from the firefam and Buck cheating on Taylor and asking her to move in with him.
thing is Eddie has form for doing dumb things when he feels under stress or pressure (asking Shannon to marry him again, fight club after her death and Buck suing the firehouse, leaving the 118 and not getting the help he needed until he had a major breakdown to name 3!)- so if we saw some kind of parallel to this scene - (this is especially in light of Eddie talking to Bobby about the job in this episode) where Eddie doubles down on a poor decision (don't know what but I'm currently speculating that its maybe asking Marisol to move in with him way way too soon - when he doesn't know her - hello episode title) in the same way Buck did with Taylor (because he is faced with the fact he could've had a chance with Buck after-all and is emotionally cheating on Marisol) and it plays into
I'm not saying we're going to be getting rid of Marisol in 7x05 (unfortunately) but I am saying the writing is on the wall for that relationship - there are too many costuming signs on both Eddie and Marisol for it not to be headed in the direction of ending. My guess from what I'm seeing with these costumes and that lighting, is that 'Ghost of a second chance' is when it will come to a head - it plays into the theming of Shannon redux and car crashes, learning from past mistakes before you repeat them.
And finally we're at Bucks loft!
Not saying this is at the end of the episode - I have zero idea where its going to land - every time I see a new still from it I'm more confused and decide its going to be at a different point of the episode!
Anyway, thats not important! Eddie is in his Buck 'date night' shirt - the one he wears when he has serious talks with Buck in the loft. thing that is different this time, is the fact he's in jeans rather than the green trousers he's worn on every other occasion. Something about that is making me feel like, while this scene is likely to be similar in that its going to be a serious talk, and I'm sure from the way it looks in the stills we're going to see Eddie reassuring Buck as we have in previous scenes, I think we might find this one is going to give us Buck and Eddie on a more even footing that we've seen before.
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I'm fascinated that the Christopher watch is not visible in the above still, but it's very visible in the below one, and in the other stills we've got. We don't often see it hidden under eddies sleeves - we usually see it more like we can see it in the date night stills - visible with the shirt slightly tucked underneath. haven't figured out if its going to be significant or not yet - I need to see the scene!
We do have to talk about the looks they are giving each other here though - especially Buck!!! because I mean!!!! its kind of giving me don't keep things from me again vibes!!
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I am very much loving that they put Buck in this jumper though! it is the one from the sperm donor storyline - when Buck tells Eddie, Hen and Chim he is 'responsible for creating new life.' I love this specific parallel because there is the play on the fact that Buck is now living a new life - that he's figured something out about himself - that he's creatinga new life forhimself - one where he is bisexual, and openly so (as we know he's going to tell people in this episode and hell he might be telling Eddie in this scene!). the other thing is that this light blue colour, throughout season 6 became a real representation of Buck journey of self discovery - all the way back to Lev at the happiness convention and his year of yes, right through to post Lightning strike Buck who was trying to wrestle with his death and his rebirth - the light blue here really ties all of this together beautifully
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Right thats All at this point - I'm sure my brain will conjure up other things once i've hit post, but for right now - I'm off to bed!!
@theladyyavilee @mistmarauder @xxfiction-is-my-realityxx @bewilderedbuckley @spotsandsocks @bewitchedbewilderedbisexual@rogerzsteven @wanderingwomanwondering @oneawkwardcookie @leothil @copyninjabuckley @shammers86 @crazyfangirlallert @missmagooglie @katyobsesses @radiation-run @gayandbifiremenofmine @bi-moonlight @crazyaboutotps @princesschez75 @alliaskisthepossibilityoflove @sherlocking-out-loud @satashiiwrites @lover-of-mine @yramesoruniverse @extasiswings @favouritealias @pop-kam
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dilatorywriting · 7 months
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59 Leona, it'd take a lot for him to admit but he would say it eventually. (Also I know you'd recognize me but I'm shy, so anon it is)
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Gender Neutral Reader x Leona Kingscholar Word Count: 1.5k
Prompt 59: "People like me aren’t supposed to have someone like you, I think fate was being harsh on you."
[EVENT MASTERLIST]
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You are nice, and you are stupid. And those things aren’t mutually exclusive.
Sometimes you’re nice because you’re stupid, and sometimes you do stupid things because you’re too nice for your own stupid, stupid good. And it drives Leona half insane.
Which it shouldn’t, because nice, stupid people like you are just as annoying as his brother. Goody-two-shoes with buttoned vests and sparkly, star-shaped stickers on their term papers.
“Did you remember your homework?”
Leona flicked his tail in your face and you scrunched your nose over your notebook.
“Well?”
“Of course I remembered,” he scoffed, lazing back against the roots of one of his favorite trees. This spot used to be so much quieter, so much more peaceful, before you decided to trail after him like a duck quacking for its mother.
“Did you do the homework?” you clarified, and Leona rolled his eyes.
You sighed and starting ruffling around in your bookbag. “I brought a spare copy of the worksheet. You’re going to drive Ruggie insane, y’know. If he winds up stuck with you for another year because you failed for not turning in assignments.”
“Yeah. Sure. Another three-hundred-and-sixty-five days to rifle through my wallet. Worst news of his life.”
You huffed good naturedly and handed him the sheet of crisp, white copy paper and a pen. “Get to work, Kingscholar.”
“Oh?” he drawled, closing his eyes and settling back, loose limbed and all long, lean leisure, against the tree trunk. Clearly ready for an afternoon snooze. “Make me.”
You sighed again and reached over to flick your own well-used pen against his ear. It twitched under your fingers—soft, and tufted. The finest of the pale, tan fur brushing up against your fingertips. “Fine. Be that way. See if I bring you lunch tomorrow.”
“You will,” he scoffed.
“Yeah,” you sighed, sounding resigned and foolishly fond. “I probably will.”
See? Stupid. So easy to manipulate. So willing to let yourself be squashed under his clawed thumb. It was a wonder you’d managed to survive in this school at all. Nevertheless by clinging onto the coattails of someone like him. He’d never made anyone’s existence easier a day in his life, and he certainly wasn’t going to start now, just because you were too soft-hearted and slow to see a looming predator for what it was.
“Just give me that stupid fucking paper,” he snapped, sitting upright and swatting away your poking pen with a sneer. You laughed into your palms like a secret—bright, and merry, and dumb as a fucking rock.
“Whatever you say, Leona.”
.
.
You’d handled his Overblot with a strange sort of aplomb that at first Leona had attributed to perhaps a lingering, hidden confidence that he’d just never bothered to unearth. You were just some herbivore, and even the littlest rabbits could bite back when you put them in a corner. But then he’d come to the decision that that easy conviction was just another symptom of your rampant stupidity.
“I know you guys don’t want to hurt me, or any of us. Not really,” you shrugged around a wad of cotton—the blood dripping from your nose slowly drying up to a tacky, sticky dribble. Leona gaped at you outright.
That was your grand explanation. For why you’d been so eager to charge forward when he’d collapsed in a pool of inky nightmares and self-loathing. And the very same reason apparently thatyou’d felt so comfortable rushing forward to treat Azul Ashengrotto’s blubbering, hysterical, breakdown with the same urgency.
“That octo-prick would have ripped you in half,” he sneered, fingers twitching a nervous rhythm against his palms as he watched the nurse wrap another layer or bandages around your head.
You shrugged. “Not on purpose.”
You were going to give him an aneurism.
“You’re going to get yourself killed,” he snarled, ignoring the horrible, twisty thing curling like bile through his chest. “And I’m not going to bother paying for some self-sacrificing idiot’s funeral.”
Another shrug.
“That’s alright,” you hummed, a soft sort of crooked smile on your mouth. “Would’ve been a waste of money anyways.”
Leona didn’t talk to you for a week after that. Surely because your stupidity had reached such a fever pitch that it was no doubt contagious, and he needed to protect his far superior and more valuable brain. Not because the image of you smiling and nodding along to his declarations that he wouldn’t put the effort into mourning your death had soured something so deep in his gut that he wasn’t sure he’d ever be able to scrape it out.
.
.
When he received a letter from home asking him to return for some shitty coronation nonsense for his equally shitty brother, Leona had debated just skipping it outright. Who was going to stop him? You?
Well. Yes, apparently.
“It sounds important,” you hummed, peering over his shoulder at the neat, formal scrawl of the summons. “You should go.”
He snorted. “I don’t want to be there, they don’t want me to be there. What’s the point.”
You frowned, brow crinkling in the middle.
“Well, that’s not true,” you said, perplexed. “They wouldn’t write to you if that was the case.”
Leona snorted, eyes darting away to glare bitterly off into the corner. “Not like they have a choice.”
“Well then you don’t have a choice either,” you argued, firm. “I’ll go with you. See? It says you can have a plus one. You can camp out in your fancy, princey, bedroom. And I can siphon you snacks from the fancy, princey hors d'oeuvres tables. That way we both win. You get to be a reclusive asshole and rub the fact that that you still went in everyone’s faces, and I can get access to some tasty, royal food that I’ll probably never be able to afford again for the rest of my life.”
“Should’ve known you’d be like Ruggie—only using me for the free food,” he sighed, melodramatic and obviously put on.
“Well, also because I thought you could use the emotional support,” you added, a touch too soft and far too genuine. “But I didn’t think you wanted to hear that bit.”
“You’re right,” he scoffed, turning onto his side to hide the strange, miserable heat pricking at his skin. “Don’t ever say corny shit like that again.”
“Aye, aye, captain,” you grinned, flicking at his ear, and Leona added another mental tab to his never-ending list of reasons that you were really far too brainless to keep functioning at all.
.
.
You were nice, and you were stupid. And Seven, he wanted to be anywhere but here.
“My brother hasn’t ever brought someone to one of these events before,” Falena had said, to your face. Idiot to idiot communication.  
“I didn’t give him much of an option,” you’d chirped, perfectly pleasant. “I don’t think he wants me anywhere near here, to be fair. Or around him in general. But I’m like a cockroach. Can’t get rid of me.”
And Falena had laughed. Because he was terrible. And said, “I’m sure he must care about you very much, little cockroach.”
And then because you were more terrible, you laughed back and said very assuredly, “Oh, not at all.”
Which was—was—
“Do you really think that?” he snapped, once the two of you were alone. And you blinked back at him with wide, owlish eyes.
“Think what?”
Think at all,he wanted to sneer, but just glared silently and bitterly into the middle distance—fighting the nonsensical, irritated swishing of his tail.
But you just kept staring at him. Like he was the moron here. Which was unacceptable.
“Look,” he frowned, sharp and miserable. “I get it. People like me aren’t supposed to have someone like you. Whatever gods exist out there were playing a shitty fucking joke on you when they dropped you in my lap. But you’re stuck with me. So stop—” he bit out, fighting that awful, twisty thing in his gut that never seemed to fully go away. “Stop talking like I can’t stand you.”
“…oh,” you mumbled, whisper quiet—that wide, startled gaze flicking away in embarrassment. “Oh.”
“Oh,” he echoed, sharp, and you snorted a laugh that seemed to surprise even you.
“You’re stuck with me too then, y’know,” you said after a long moment. “Even when I make you grumpy.”
“You don’t make me grumpy. I am grumpy. You make me—” he cut off quick, eyes darting away petulantly and an absolutely unfair heat rising along his cheekbones.  
“Itchy,” you piped in, and he gaped at you in shock.
“What?”
“You know,” you shrugged, awkward, and reached up to wiggle your fingers. “Cockroach. Many legs. Squirming. Itchy.”
“Never say any of those words again.”
You laughed into your palm—inelegant and a touch too loud. Leona felt his lips quirk.
“Thank you,” you said after a moment, once your giggles were a bit more under control. And leaned forward quick as a whip to press a nervous peck against his cheek. “For being kind to me.”
Kind.
Leona reached up to press a hand against the too-warm skin with a terrible, unfamiliar sensation in his head not unlike the fuzzy, white drone of TV static. And a horrible thought managed to filter its way through the floating, buzzing sensation curling through the whole of him.
Oh, fuck. It is contagious.
.
.
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blue-jisungs · 1 month
Text
SO BEAUTIFUL
author's note. can u tell what i was hyperfixation on when i wrote this?! a cookie for those who answer correctly (emoji) btw this song is one of my faves when it comes to ian :( right after violet crazy and scaredy cat.......... however his whole discography is just mindblowing so its hard to have a 1 fav song ngl <//3
summary. idk man just whipped prince!joshua ...
genre. atla-ish !! its not the main plot but there's mention of element benders lolzies, royal setting (prince!joshu, army general!y/n), situationship/non-established relationship between them
warnings. blood, wounds (kinda descriptive, im sorry), fighting, mention of war and killing people (i mean yn is in army so....), cursing, one suggestive joke but i mean,, it was there like... it was stronger than me..., not a warning but emphasis on fem reader, yn kinda has a breakdown :(
word count. 3878
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joshua ran his hand through his hair, letting out a small sigh. he was reading a book but his mind seemed unable to focus as the words and sentences didn’t make sense in his head. 
“you’ve been reading this one single page for ten minutes now, your highness” he heard seungkwan’s teasing voice and just looked up at his friend. 
“i’m aware of that, seungkwan” joshua mumbled and put the bookmark between the pages, leaving the item on a small table. 
he bit his lip and looked outside the window, the sight of mountains bringing him some peace.
joshua’s mind was uneasy due to the late return of his army. and his absence at the battlefield. 
the news of victory brought by his right hand and good friend, minghao, definitely caused him to sleep better. but before that, there had been weeks of days filled with stress and anxiety. and now, for  unknown reasons the army’s arrival was postponed – and there was no message. 
“i’m sure general l/n has everything under control” seungkwan’s voice brought joshua back to reality and he subconsciously smiled upon hearing your last name. 
maybe that was the reason why he was constant concern. he was worried about you. no, it wasn’t like he doubted your fighting abilities it’s just… anything could happen on the battle ground. besides, you weren’t a bender. obviously, every caring prince would be worried about his subordinates. the matter was that it was your first serious battle all alone. usually he was there too. or at least seungcheol, who was his father’s military advisor – also very skilled in combat. but due to his injury and the medics sharp warning he wasn’t able to go. 
joshua sighed quietly and stood up, lazily walking up to his balcony. the cold air hugged his face, a refreshing breeze filling his lungs.
another cause of his stress was… well, you’re a woman. it’s not like women don’t hold high positions in society and are well respected in the water kingdom but… army was mostly men. who knew if any of the soldiers didn’t cause you trouble. 
“i don’t think that the ball is a good idea…” joshua mumbled, tracing shapes on the marble railing. 
“whether you like it or not, your mother had already decided. majority of our alliances arrived” seungkwan shrugged and turned around upon the sound of knocking. joshua looked through his shoulder, expectant. 
it was minghao. 
it must have been good news since he was shining. 
“they’re here” 
before the prince could pass him in the door, minghao cleared his throat. 
“y/n is resting though” 
joshua stopped in his tracks, not even realising there's a smile that appeared – dropped now slowly. 
“is she hurt?” he asked, worry in his voice. seungkwan closed the balcony door and joined the water kingdom’s prince's side. 
“no, no. not as far as i know. she’s just exhausted and needs to prepare for the ball. and the paper work, losses and such… it’d be better if you didn’t bother her” minghao suggested softly. “wonwoo is to your disposal though”
wonwoo, the lieutenant general. that’s fine, he’ll just ask about you. 
joshua nodded and left in silence. seungkwan and minghao exchanged playful looks. 
joshua could not sit still. his mother sent him numerous looks but his eyes weren’t focused at her at all. he scanned the crowd in search of you. 
his mother was oh so kind to postpone the ball to the next day, letting the soldiers rest. as he noticed, most of them made it. you surely would be here too, right? you were the general after all. 
then it struck him like thunder. 
there you were, in the midst of people. a flowy, light blue dress on your body gently falling onto the floor. he knew you got the access to the best sewers in the kingdom but this time… your dress really reminded him of water. maybe it was the silver linings in it? or just the lightness of the fabric? either way, you looked angelic. and with your hair loose, falling like waterfalls on your shoulders. 
as the great warrior you were, you sensed his gaze on you. sending him a small smile, looking from above your companion’s shoulder, joshua sighed dreamily. 
your lips moved and then you walked past the man you talked to, stepping directly into joshua’s direction. he cleared his throat, his sight on you. 
“my queen” you hummed and bowed gently to his mother first, then you held eye contact with him with another bow “my prince”
“general l/n, you’re truly the shining star of our army. we’ve heard the tales and i must say, i admire your vigour and dedication” his mother said. you bowed again.
“thank you, my queen. i’m proud i can serve our country” you nodded, smiling gently. joshua adored your face, not being able to get enough of it. especially after your three-months long absence. 
“mother if you don’t mind, you’ll hear the stories later. now i’m going to kidnap general l/n for a minute” 
before you knew it, his hand tenderly interlocked with yours as he lead you to the dance floor. landing in the middle, below the silver chandelier that lit up your face in the prettiest ways possible, the prince placed a feather-light kiss atop of your hand. 
the music started, the royal sounds of cello and violins ripping through air; joshua led the dance, his ebony eyes scanning your face. his features were overtaken by the look of how much he missed you, you could tell it by his eyes only. the soft curve of his smile made your heart melt, fingers brushing against his neck. 
“so beautiful” he hummed deeply, heart almost aching with joy. why was it like this? he thought he thought it through but now he was just confused; why does his heart hurt when you’re finally within his reach? 
”so, so beautiful” joshua repeated, daring to glance at your lips “i missed you dearly” 
you huffed, letting him sway to the rhythm of music. because he was an excellent water bender, he was one with the flow – whether it was his element or music. he guided you through the sounds of instruments, which made you emotional. hearing the sound of them after months away from your homeland… 
“aren’t you tired? are you fine?” joshua asked, care in his voice. he had you so close yet so far. in his arms but unable to caress your cheek or kiss your lips. 
you shook your head, scanning his face. maybe you missed him too, after all. 
“i’m perfectly fine now” you whispered and his look was more expressive than words; he understood what you meant: you missed him too. 
the melody came to a halt and it was like a string snapped in front of your eyes, the sudden sound of chatter making you go back to reality. 
“i’m sure there’s plenty of young ladies willing to dance with you. i shall not keep you busy” you said. joshua opened his mouth, protesting. 
“let’s take a trip down a darker place, the garden has really improved when you were absent” he almost whined, begging with his eyes so you’d spare him even a mere moment alone. 
suddenly, wonwoo approached you. he leaned in to whisper something in your ear, concern on his face. you nodded, features getting colder than snow blasting in the harshest of winters. he knew that look, it meant trouble; it meant an approaching threat.
“i’d be more than willing to. however, there happened to be an urgent matter that needs to be taken care of. i…” you hesitated and sent a look to wonwoo. he understood since he left right away. only then quiet words left your mouth “i’ll meet you in your chamber later, shu” 
his heart skipped a beat, nodding. his eyes followed your figure, finally at peace that you’re back.
an outsider would never think that you’re a general, one of the skillest people in the kingdom when it came to combat. whilst being a non-bender, which was quite impressive. you were just so… flowy, glowing and gentle. oh, gentle you truly were… 
“...the fuck you mean we had a tail?” you hissed, poking wonwoo’s chest and then taking a deep sigh “well fuck me, that’s just fucking great!”
“i bet your highness would want to do that” wonwoo cleared his throat, your hand slapping his arm in an instant.
“lieutenant general jeon, i ask you to behave accordingly to the situation. there is a risk of coup, the life of the royal bloodline is on the line and you dare to make a joke?” you said coldly, making wonwoo shiver. then, you suddenly snickered “i do admire your timing though. and now tell me more” 
you and wonwoo were close, it’s not like it was out of his manner to joke like this. but the fact that there might be a spy in the castle right now… 
“chan came across the traces and him and others made an assumption we’re followed by an fire nation soldier who survived the battle” wonwoo gave you the details. 
your light dress rustled on the late afternoon wind, breeze running through its fabric. you closed our eyes, fingers tightening on the marble railing of a terrace. 
there were two choices in this situation: announce there might be a spy and transport the royal family into a guarded place, which may result in panic and rumours spreading (including those about your incompetence). however, the spy might run off or give in. the second option: stay silent and don’t let anyone suspect a thing, take care of the spy with your own hands. risks: people getting hurt, especially the king or queen. or prince. 
“do we know where they might be now?” you asked, looking through your shoulder at the crowded ballroom. chatter, dancing, music… people living to the fullest. and joshua being there too. 
“we do have suspicions that they might be nearby, we found some traces near your… your, um, house” wonwoo answered, your eyes shifting. 
“so they want me, huh?” you sighed. that was far better than the royals getting hurt. staring at the sunset, a wide palette of oranges and yellows melting into one, you nodded. “inform the guards, keep an eye on any suspicious activity. i’ll go check if they’re still around my place. report immediately if anything happens”
“yes, general” wonwoo saluted and walked away, feeling the breath of urgency on his neck. 
adoring the sunset for a little longer, watching it morph into a navy night sky; you decided to go before it got too dark. 
joshua was walking around his chamber, footsteps echoing due to the largeness of it. it was past midnight, almost 6 hours since you left the ballroom… did you change your mind? you didn’t want to come? 
he let out a deep sigh, plopping on his bed and staring at the book he was reading. 
joshua was a prince and enjoyed literature, he has read countless and countless books and genres. he especially found an interest in old romance but all of them had a similar scheme when it came to relationships: the woman was the one to be head over heels whipped for the guy. she’d blush when someone mentioned his name, she’d miss him dearly when he’s on his adventurous voyages, she’d dream of him even in her sleep. he never read a book with an opposite order of things. and yet… here he was, waiting for you like a lost puppy. while his heart sought after you, his mind was worried about your wellbeing during your army shenanigans, he longed to hear, see or touch you even for a mere moment longer. 
huffing like an displeased child, he laid on the bed. if you come, you come. and he’ll be asleep. that way, you’ll know he doesn’t cares that deeply—
knock knock. knock knock knock knock. 
joshua frowned, sitting up. it could be you but… it wasn’t your usual knock.
the door opened with a quiet creak. you were leaning against the doorframe , upper body leaning forward with hair falling on your face.
“took you long enough” joshua mumbled and stood up, when you suddenly started sliding down the doorframe lifelessly. he ran up to you, kneeling down and grabbing your hands. frighteningly cold hands “what’s wrong?”
his voice remained strong unlike his heart. you gathered all your willpower and raised your head, fighting the dropping eyelids. 
“my back…” you croaked out, leaning forward but only ending up in his embrace. 
he did not image your reunion like that. 
joshua gently moved his hands to your back and his fingers met with something… sticky…? the flowy material of your dress was ripped, the warmth of the liquid contrasting with the low temperature of your body.
“y/n, what happened?” he asked, voice stern yet revealing a hint of worry. 
“i’ll explain later just… help me, shu. please” you breathed out, the air tickling his neck. joshua gulped, his adam’s apple bobbing, and he grabbed you in bridal style. 
placing you on his queen sized bed, rolling gently to the side, his mind was racing with thoughts. what happened? were you attacked? was it a fresh wound? 
“i’ll rip the dress, only on the back. i apologize, ill buy you thousands of new ones just… breathe for me, alright?” he stuttered, putting on some light. 
only then his eyes saw how serious was your wound. he took a sharp inhale, throat going dry. 
there was a deep wound going across your back, left arm to almost the side of your right hip. it looked like a sword left such a mark. 
joshua quickly opened the handy tap he had in his chamber and didn’t bother to pour it into bowl. 
he bent water straight from the tap, focusing deeply. trying to connect with his inner peace and energy but his rapid heartbeat seemed to disturb him too much.
“focus, jisoo” he grunted to himself, slender fingers shaking “y/n, talk to me. you need to stay conscious” 
“won’t talking take my oxygen that i desperately need–” you started.
“yeah, you’re right. be quiet” he scoffed, trying to light up the mood. then he moved his hands slowly from the beginning to your wound to the end of it. very slowly, surely. still like water, his palms flat but fingers directing the stream of liquid. you groaned, curling your back. 
it wasn’t the first time joshua was patching you up but it definitely was the first time he knew it’s dead serious… and seeing you in such pain. 
another thing was that at the back of his mind there was a sprouting thought that he won’t be able to close the wound completely. not with his heart all over the place. 
joshua took a deep breath, focusing on the element flowing through his body. not on you… in pain… bleeding out on his bed… 
“’m sorry” 
at first, he didn’t hear it. only when he heard a sob, he realized that it’s you. 
“hey, no. don’t apologize, that’s an order. it’s a deep wound, i know it hurts but im trying my best and we’ll talk it out later. 
inch by inch, millimetre by millimetre, thanks to his healing abilities your skin started clasping the wound. he wasn’t sure which technique to use – layer by layer or pieces at once but the crimson liquid pouring out of your pale back made him chose the first one. which will lead to leaving a scar. 
joshua began to feel worn out, despite all the hours of training that prepared him for such situations. but he knew that if he stopped now, you could die. 
“shu…” you mumbled, shaking like a leaf. your voice was quiet, weak. he felt time slipping through his fingers. 
brows knitting, sweat dripping down his temple, joshua shook his head. despite strength leaving him, he promised himself to restore as much as possible. 
you looked through your arm, pearly tears shimmering in the moonlight. joshua’s heart ached, as if someone put a needle right through it.
“i know, i’m sorry but i beg, a few more minutes…” he croaked, feeling lightheaded. 
“you’re exhausting yourself, stop it” a whisper escaped your lips “shu, please” 
“no, you need to live” he grunted. you frowned and tried to sit up, causing him to gasp “are you insane?”
“give me the bandage and go call the medics. i don’t want you to pass out” you ordered, reaching for his hand. 
joshua put the last ounces of water and energy into your body, leaning to close the tap. then, he dug in one of his drawers.
you were still bleeding but far less than when you barged in. he handed you the material and wiped the tears, sweat and blood off your face. 
“i’ve got this now. go get some help, please” you sent him a weak smile. 
joshua cursed mentally and left quickly. you were probably right.
once he was back with jun, jihoon and seokmin, they took care of you. the oldest one gave you some herbs that would put you to sleep as they worked on your wound. joshua insisted that it all took place inside his chamber. 
they were done around 3am, leaving you two alone. the prince managed to get rid of the blood stained duvet and covered you in a blanket that was on his couch. 
them, he laid down next to you. the moonlight shone on your pale face, parted lips making an escape for soft snores. your chest was rising up and down a lot more calmly, joshua could feel your energy being more vivid that before. it was stable now, like a steam of water in the woods rather than dried out lake. 
“you always have to cause some trouble, huh?” he scoffed and reached his hand out, caressing your cheek gently. even in deep slumber after getting hurt you were so beautiful. 
he noticed your brows furrowing and fingers twitching. your breathing sped up, yet you remained asleep. joshua observed you cautiously.
“no… don’t… don’t kill him” you mumbled, shifting in your sleep. his eyes widened, realizing you’re having a nightmare “anyone but… but my shu”
joshua’s heart melted on spot, pleasant warmth flooding his insides.
“you can’t even get a rest, can you?” he huffed and shuffled closer, guiding your head onto his chest. you instantly nuzzled closer, arms instinctively wrapping around his body. 
with an uneasy mind, he caressed your hair. your breathing calmed down so he wondered if the nightmare went away. 
joshua stuck his gaze into the open window, unable to relax. stars barely shone on the navy horizon, covered by clouds. it seemed like the sky couldn’t sleep either. 
upon stirring awake you instantly knew (even without opening your eyes) that you’re in joshua’s bed. it was much more softer than your bed but above all, it had the comfort. you felt warm and secure; cozy in his hold. joshua had his arm wrapped around you, fingers tracing shapes on your skin. 
peeking an eye open you noticed he’s holding a book with his other hand, eyes tracking the text. 
you wanted to stay like this forever. 
then, a stinging pain ran through your back and you trembled, causing him to shift his worried gaze at you. he gasped softly. 
“you’re awake” joshua hummed and leaned closer, placing a gentle kiss on your forehead. 
you melted because of the gesture, nuzzling further into his neck. 
“how do you feel?” he asked, worry in his voice. 
“better, much better. thank you, shu. i apologize for the mess i made” you mumbled, resting his palm on his chest. he put his hand over it, caressing your skin. 
joshua missed this so much. he missed you. 
silence was hanging between you two, an unspoken question of “what happened?” hanging above your head. 
“may i see wound?” he asked suddenly. you nodded, your hair tickling his skin. 
he helped you sit straight and handed you one of his sleeping cloth to cover the front of your body. 
joshua gently moved your hair from your back, his fingertips ghosting over your skin. goosebumps covered your arms.
“you know… you always say i’m so beautiful” you started quietly. joshua hummed in acknowledgment to let you know that he’s listening. then, he shuffled something closer and put it on the bed “but i’m not. i’m so ugly, joshua. my soul is ugly”
“that is not true, y/n” he protested sternly as his delicate fingers worked on removing the bandage. his touches were soft, almost as if he was afraid to touch you.
“i’m a soldier, shu. i hurt people. and yesterday… there was a spy. he sneaked up on me, threatened to kill you. and that triggered me i just… couldn’t bare that thought. and i saw red… he used my distraction and tripped me, slicing in the back” you stuttered, throat going dry “i’m a failure. i almost let him escape, your life was at risk and i couldn’t control my emotions…”
his movement halted for a while, the quietness od the room making your soft pants sound much more louder than you’d like to. 
“you are not a failure. you had led our army to victory, several times” joshua resumed and you felt the calming stream of water. then, you felt a soothing sensation spreading over your wound. 
joshua was bending to recover your wound, or at least make it heal quicker and more effectively. 
“yeah but… i’m a bad person” you mumbled, playing with your fingers. 
he stopped bending and put a new bandage over your wound, it still not being clasped fully.  
joshua patted your arm and you put his shirt on, turning around. 
“you know why i always say you’re so beautiful?” joshua asked and once you faced him, he grabbed your chin gently “obviously i mean your looks too but above all, i treasure your soul. you’re such a pure, dedicated human”
you swallowed, his soft features warming your heart. 
“this situation must have made you feel upset and not worthy but you’re so appreciated. my your subordinates, friends… by me. as much as i admire your readiness to sacrifice for me but please, i beg, don’t do it next time” joshua hummed, his thumb moving in soothing manner “i’d rather die myself than live without you”
“don’t say that” you scoffed, shaking your head gently “our country needs a leader”
“and i need you” joshua replied, moving his hands to cup your face “please, y/n. you’re so precious to me… so–“
“if you say beautiful i’ll smack you” you let out a laugh and he couldn’t help but share a smile. 
“but it’s true” he grinned and closed the gap between you two, lips crashing on yours. you shared a passionate kiss, a one that lovers after reunion share. 
but truth be told, you were like all those lovers in old tales. 
and maybe this time, there’s going to be a flawless ending: making it official.
main masterlist | event masterlist
taglist. @mirxzii ,, @primoppang ,, @l3visbby ,, @nicholasluvbot ,, @planetkiimchi ,, @weird-bookworm ,, @slytherinshua ,, @kazmura ,, @laylasbunbunny ,, @dazzlingligth ,, @eternalgyuuu ,, @rubywonu ,, @haecien ,, @mine-gyu
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hana-no-seiiki · 24 days
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Hi! I’m the one who asked about Cat Villain! Reader theme lol. It’s nice to have a person to think as same as me, anyway civilians probably confusing about how all 4 Robins so fond of the villain but they still have that kind of rivalry to them, at least in civilians’ views. STILL
I’d like to add another trailer song that I often use when rotting over cat villain! reader
Eula’s theme is such a good one for heists/a little tango with the bois.
I feel like the general public have a general clue as to the relationship of cat villain! reader and the robins
purely because some of the guys (*cough* Jason *cough*) has fucked them in public, and as much as Gotham is unsafe at night, and no matter how many measures the boys put to protect you, there will always be fanatics that’ll witness everything you guys do.
of course, the damning info is mostly kept in small circles due to the miraculous power of ‘paying people to take shit down’ the Waynes have but a lot of fans have headcannoned and could sometimes build an entirely accurate version of your relationships.
tim was definitely one of your top fansite keepers before he became robin (even though it wasn’t his main focus). he most likely influenced a very uh… ‘sasaeng’ type of attitude in your fandom. which wasn’t regulated well until he realized his mistakes. nowadays, he makes sure your fans are more tamed.
sometimes i imagine cat villain! reader to be a celebrity, less known in america and mostly abroad (bonus if you guys aren’t from there to begin with, so your popularity can just be focused on or around your home country) that is until they were suddenly seen with Dick Grayson in public. you two were very much young and not careful.
people know you as that person that dated Dick, and is now extremely close with his brother, Tim. Definitely scandalous. The only thing stopping Damian from being labeled as one of your conquests is that, dude only realized his feelings recently and he usually approaches your civilian form as Robin. why? Damian’s just a show off, but Robin can be a show off without being seen as arrogant. he’s just doing his job
you have your fair share of villain friends you enjoy hanging out/sleeping with. some of them do you favors in exchange for a night. mostly because they know it’ll piss off the Batboys and throw them off their game though it does come with the risk of being beaten down to death.
i also think it’d be funny if in civilian form as a celeb, cat villain! reader just likes to profess their ‘undying love’ to Bruce 24/7 and how he totally slept with them once and their heart has been taken since. just like to be a menace and cause more chaos with people accusing them of using his kids.
when you found out tim protected your image and generally surveyed posts about you 24/7 you got into a little argument cause you wanted the world to breakdown about your identity and the shit you’ve done
and last but not least, the only reason you haven’t been cancelled to non-existence is cause of your large donations to charity and very humble living. sure, you liked to troll the universe in its entirety but in the end cat villain! reader main purpose is to help the needy. you’re most likely one of Bruce’s biggest investors (again, just to be a little shit)
you’re a little shit yeah, but you’re the batfam’s little shit.
OH! and you like visiting Jason’s grave even after he came back. partly due to missing his old self, but it also assists with keeping his identity unknown with how often you guys are together.
bonus: you’ve interacted a fair bit with the batgirls and duke. by that i mean you’ve bullied them all at some point that it has become almost a christening ritual for you to be a menace to each member.
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oscar-wilde-thing · 6 months
Text
Four years ago I sat in a psychiatrist's office. I was explaining why a certain Cognitive Behavioral Therapy technique felt impossible.
"If I don't think I know how a social interaction is going to work out, if I don't know the pattern, I can't do it."
The Dr nodded, and we moved on.
A few sessions later, she said she didn't think she could work with me anymore.
Great, I thought to myself. I'm being dumped by my therapist.
"I don't think I can work with you, because I think you're autistic."
I literally felt my world shift underneath me.
She explained more, about social interactions, about hyper sensitivity, about pattern recognition and anxiety and early-life academic achievement. I did end up stopping treatment with her, I don't really remember why. But I held that suggestion in my head.
The end of 2019 was rocky- working retail around the holidays is its own special hell, and my grandmother died in December of that year.
Then 2020 happened. COVID and isolation and protests and my workplace unionizing. Through all of that I was reading, and watching videos, and researching. About how autism and neurodivergency presents differently in girls and AFAB people. How the research is incredibly outdated and mostly focused on white, middle class boys. How getting a diagnosis as an adult, let alone an AFAB adult, is a fight.
I kept trucking along, learning new ways to cope. Figuring out that sometimes what I had thought were anxiety attacks was actually sensory overload. That my penchant for spreadsheets and what I called my "encyclopedic nerd brain" were probably hyper fixations.
It took 4 years.
4 years, 8 more mental health professionals, a mental breakdown, a month in residential mental health care, and 5 more months in acute daily mental health care, but today, at 12:55PM, I was officially diagnosed with Autism.
I'm sitting here at my desk weeping because I'm both so happy and so angry. Happy that there's a reason I feel the way I feel, that there's a reason why the world seems so harsh, that there's a reason why I sometimes physically can't talk and a reason why certain foods and sounds and textures make me want to crawl out of my skin. But I'm also so angry that it took 26 years for anyone to see. That it took another 4 years for me to get any answers. That there are countless other little girls and adult AFABS like me out there who feel like they're doing everything they're supposed to but not getting what the world tells them they should be getting.
My life has changed. Or maybe it hasn't changed. Maybe a door has opened that had never been seen before.
I'm not sure how to wrap this up.
I just know that learning more about myself is rarely a bad thing. And now that I know this big piece of who I am, I'll be able to go forward and learn more ways to exist in this world as an autistic person.
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in1-nutshell · 2 months
Note
(Forgive me If I already requested this again, but I kind of forgot but)
I really loved your requests about bot buddy con having the personality of death in puss and boots: the last wish!
Now I wanna see Bumblebee’s reaction finally getting to meet the con (plus some more bots who haven’t met as well)
Haven't seen this Buddy in a hot minute.
There was another request with a similar ask, so I'm mixing the two into this one.
Hope you enjoy!
Bot Buddy with the personality of Death from "Puss in Boots The Last Wish" with Bumblebee, Bulkhead, Ratchet, and Arachnid
SFW, Mention of death and injuries, Cybertronian reader
TFP
Bumblebee
Bumblebee tries to hide how terrified he is.
He has most of his team fooled, but even they know that he has some fear over this Con.
Everyone does.
As far as Bumblebee knows, he was the only Autobot in history to have landed one shot on this Con. Bad thing being that now they have a special vendetta against him.
Firmly believes that they are some supernatural being of vengeance and death.
It is the only explanation that he can think of.
His team knows that the con has some sort of vendetta against him and actively helps him out of situations fast.
He is extremely thankful for their actions.
Sometimes when things get too quiet, he sometimes thinks he can hear the whistling through the walls.
Bumblebee walking through the empty base.
The eerie sound of The Whistle sound through the halls.
Bee just stays in his place in absolute terror as the lights flicker a bit.
The lights turn back to their normal state and The Whistle disappears.
Bee slowly walks back to the main room with shaky blaster at the ready.
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Bulkhead
Bulkhead has an intense fear of the Con.
It rivals his fear of Scraplets.
He has completely frozen on the battlefield when hearing The Whistle.
Bulkhead has lost so many of his friends and companions thanks to this Con.
The absolute carnage he has seen after they leave is enough to make him sick in his tanks for days.
He is trying to respond differently to the whistle instead of freezing, its kind of hard to cover for his giant frame or even attempt to move him.
Bulkhead readying his wrecking ball for the reinforcements.
The Whistle is carried through the air like an omen.
“BEEP! Boop bep— (BULKHEAD! Bulkhead where--)"--Bumblebee
Bulkhead snatching Bumblebee up and sprinting to the groundbridge with shaky servos.
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Ratchet
Ratchet gets chills down his spine every time someone comms in about the Con being in the area.
He has seen this Con up close before.
Not because he had to patch them up, but because they had purposely gotten close to him.
They didn’t do anything as he froze in fear over the deceased body of a comrade. Just a simple look before walking away and disappearing into the smoke of the battle.
Ratchet absolutely loathes the sound of the whistle. It brings back too many unpleasant feelings that almost make him freeze.
He believes the Con has a soft spot for medics.
That is the only reason why he has stayed alive near them for so long.
He could only wish for that luck to be sent to his team.
Ratchet on the field helping Bumblebee to the groundbridge.
The Whistle is sharp and close.
Ratchet picks up Bumblebee and tries to trek faster to the groundbridge.
Out of the corner of his optic he spots the familiar figure emerging from the smoke. They only look at Ratchet as he throws Bumblebee in and then goes in himself.
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Arachnid
Nope.
This is the one Con that Arachnid refuses to mess with.
This Con’s even more lethal than she is and 10 times more dangerous.
At this point she half believes that this isn’t a Cybertronain, but an evil primordial being.
She tries to pretend that the whistling doesn’t bother her.
It’s a lie.
But maybe… maybe this is just some big shot trying to one up her on her own game.
Two can play that game.
Arachnid walking through the forest stalking an unsuspecting Breakdown and Dreadwing.
Arachnid is about to deliver the fatal blow when something sharp cuts her webs.
It’s a very familiar looking scythe.
Too familiar…
“Insubordination and attempt to murder a fellow Decepticon? Oh that simply won’t do.”--Buddy
Arachnid looks at Buddy’s frightening red optics.
“I’ll have your helm mounted on my wall!”--Arachnid
Arachnid tries to strike at Buddy.
She fails and gets pinned to the ground by the scythe.
“Oh, dear Arachnid… this is long overdue… and I’m going to enjoy this very much.”--Buddy
A bit later Buddy emerges from the bush scaring Breakdown and Dreadwing.
“Where did you come from? Not that we aren’t--”--Breakdown
“It no longer concerns you Breakdown. The danger is gone now.”--Buddy
“Danger?”--Dreadwing
“No longer exists. Now, lets get back to the Nemesis, shall we?”--Buddy
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thelov3lybookworm · 5 months
Text
Remember Me? (Part 8)
Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7
Summary: Under the Mountain, Y/n met the High Lord of the Night Court, Rhysand. She was scared of him, but soon she found out that he wasn't who he pretended to be. Despite her efforts at not falling in love with him, she fails. It's not that bad as he loves her back.
But now he's gone, and she's left alone with nothing.
Except for a very adorable reminder of him.
•○●⛦●○•
Tw: secret pregnancy, none more that I can think of, so let me know if I need to add anything.
A/n: I promise feyfey is going to leave rhysie. i promise. she just needs a lil bit of time to think things through.
also, im thinking of making the next chapter feyre's pov, and that is why this part was short 😅
Anyways, dont kill me please, and enjoy!
•○🌑○•
Y/n watched as Feyre trembled, her hands wrapped around the small paper cup, the melting ice cream now all but a milkshake.
She seemed to be deep in thought, and her trembling increased. Y/n hoped it was a tremble of rage and not despair.
It was just Feyre and Y/n at the table, Eris having taken the two little boys with him to another table so they could have, as they called it, boys time.
Just the thought threatened to make Y/n smile.
But she suppressed it, as it really was not a good time to laugh. Because her friend next to her was quite literally having a mental breakdown.
But still, she decided to peek at where the three males were sitting near the back of the shop while waiting for Feyre to collect her thoughts, and it became harder to suppress that smile.
There, she found the two little boys gesturing wildly with their hands, their faces covered with the ice cream, and Eris laughed, a quiet joy in his face. He reached out to wipe a little bit of ice cream from Nyx's face, nodding to something the younger boy said.
Then, as if feeling her gaze on him, he looked up.
The world ceased to exist around Y/n as she met his eyes. The sounds or people around her didn't matter, for some reason.
Eris was as still as the wall behind him, and he barely seemed to breathe.
But then Y/n felt a touch on her hand, and she jolted, looking away from Eris as the outside world came back into focus.
Her cheeks burned as she met the watery eyes of Feyre.
"Are you listening?" Feyre sniffed.
Y/n's eyes widened. "Oh. I am so sorry. I zoned out. Can you repeat what you said?"
She sniffed again. "I- I don't know if I can leave him..."
Y/n stiffened. "Why not?"
Feyre's eyes floated towards the back, where Nyx was sat with Fin and Eris. "He... he needs his father."
"He needs no one other than you Feyre. You are his mother."
She nodded slightly, her eyes not once straying from her son. "I know... but he knows who his father is, unlike Fin. He will question me about why we are leaving his papa. I don't think I'll be able to leave Rhys. He is the one that pays me, and despite having my own money... I'm not sure I can use my money outside of night court. Where will I go?"
Y/n's heart clenched at the sheer pain etched across the high lady of night court. "Feyre... you can come with us." Y/n offered. "Fin and I will obviously live all alone. You can live with us."
Feyre shook her head ruefully. "I can't leave him Y/n, especially not on such a short notice."
Y/n heaved a frustrated breath. "Feyre. Think about Nyx. If Rhysand was ready to throw you and Nyx away for an unclear future with a son he barely knew, them I'm really concerned for Nyx. You never know when Rhys decided he's done with you and kicks you out. His mental state is not the best at the moment."
A tear slipped out of Feyre's eyes, and she dropped her head into her hands. "I don't know what to do." She said, her voice muffled.
Y/n felt like she had somehow caused Feyre this pain, and she felt the need to take away that pain. And so she relented, stopped pestering Feyre to leave Rhys.
"Look Feyre, you are Nyx's mother. You know what's best for him. If you need time, then take some time. Think about this if you want. But leave him Feyre. He does not deserve you or Nyx. Also, if you're worried about funds..."
Y/n could not offer to take up the high lady's expenses, because it was hard enough earning and spending for her own son. She didn't have the resources to help another person. But she also could not leave her friend and, essentially, her son's brother, here.
"If you are worried about the funds, then I am sure we can figure something out. We can take up jobs, or maybe we can sell your paintings."
Feyre met Y/n's eyes, tears shining in them.
"I need time." She stated simply. She sniffed once, pulling out a piece of cloth from her bag and wiping her face on it as she stood. Y/n watched Feyre helplessly, knowing she didn't have much time because the sun was beginning to set and Eris had to get out of night court soon.
Y/n stood as well, her hand snapping out to catch Feyre's.
"I can't force you to come with us but... I beg you Feyre. Think about this. And when you are ready, write to me. I will ask Eris to make arrangements for your safe travel to autumn court."
Feyre just nodded, blinking away a fresh wave of tears as she brought Y/n into a quick hug, then walked away, calling out to Nyx. The little boy turned to his mom with a small pout on his face, but then whatever he saw on her face had him bidding Fin and Eris goodbye.
He waddled over to his mother, waving to Y/n as he reached up to clutch Feyre's hand in his tinier one.
Y/n watched the two of them go, despair brewing in her stomach.
"It's time."
She glanced at Eris, who smiled sadly at her.
Y/n nodded, turnng back to catch a glimpse of her fried and her son.
But they were gone.
•○🌑○•
Part 9
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#JusticeForYuu
Warning: long rant coming up. Mentions of PTSD and Trauma.
So I recently read this manhwa called ‘Ashtarte’ and let me tell you, compared to other manhwas that I’ve read, I’ve never felt more vindicated or satisfied by the way it handles trauma and forgiveness.
Basically, the main character is a young princess, about ten or eleven or twelve I can’t remember, who has spent her entire life being treated like nothing by her entire family for no pretty much no reason at all. Trust me when I say that the neglect and emotional abuse she undergoes is awful and after a while, she realises that she doesn’t deserve to be treated that way. She mentally and emotionally emancipates herself from them and makes a family with her small handful of servants that live with her in her broken down house (let me tell you, they all love and protect her so much. Her mother figure/ best friend/ maid is the absolute GOAT), telling them that she won’t waste any tears on her bio family anymore. And when her bio family beg for forgiveness after she makes a very obvious effort to ignore and stay as far away from them as possible, she tells them that if they want her to even consider forgiving them for all the pain they put her through, they need to wait 10 years just like how she spent ten years all alone, trapped in that house, waiting for someone to love her. Even after the 5 year timeskip, she still doesn’t give them the time of day whilst they send her letters and mountains of gifts (that she never opens) and when she meets them again because of some obligatory family thing, she tells them point blank that there’s a chance that she’ll never forgive them and there’s nothing that she wants from them so just leave her alone and just walks out as they all suffer in their guilt.
And, let me tell you, as someone who has read a lot of female lead manhwas, I’ve never seen a FL not forgive a neglectful family - either they end up forgiven after an apology that lasts for like one chapter, or the MC gets her revenge and completely ruins them, or it’s an isekai story so now that a new person is possessing the main character, they finally decide to show interest and since the new character is either scared of them, is trying to gain their favour or has never undergone their horrible treatment of the host body, they just get off scot-free (A Match Made In Mana is a good example of this. Like the romance. Hate the fact that the older brother only started treating her right when another person isekaied into the main character - same thing with There Is No Place For Fakes)
Now what has this got to do with anime Disney boys you ask. Let me get to that.
Now I’m the kind of person that can hold a grudge - not that much in real life but very much so when it comes to fictional characters. If I was Jo March, I wouldn’t even be in the same room as Amy March after she burned the manuscript for at least a year. There are some characters that I just can’t stand because they never get the full consequences for what they put others through and I hate that so much (I’m not going to name names because a lot of them are fandom favourites and I don’t want to start a war). 
What I’m trying to say is that why can’t there be a Yuu that doesn’t forgive the overblot gang/dorms for what they put them through? Because you have to admit that they way that they treated this homeless, magicless human with absolutely nothing to their name and that is, in every instance, at the bottom of the food chain was awful. And I’m not talking about the overblots - they were clearly in the midst of a mental breakdown and weren’t in the right state of mind. But how would you explain everything that they did pre-overblot? When they are fully conscious of everything they did. Riddle even admitted after his overblot that he knew that he was being harsh but he still did that stuff anyway.
I know that we have to forgive everyone for the sake of the plot since we need Riddle in Book 2, Leona in Book 3, Azul in Book 4 and so on and so forth but when I remember the torment that Yuu faces, I just want to tell them all to take a hike. 
I know that these boys had horrible lives. I know that these are deeply traumatised individuals and that them overblotting was the only way for them to heal. But guess what? Going through trauma doesn’t excuse giving trauma to someone else? As Jake Peralta once said:
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Confession Time - I was the anon that sent this: https://www.tumblr.com/shiny-jr/716948600309137408/hi-i-just-want-to-say-that-ive-read-all-of-your?source=share
And I still stand by what I said.
I just find it really annoying that when I search for angst fics it’s always the boys’ trauma or unrequited love or death or break ups - or maybe even something mentioning an overblot but I’ve never once found anything about the boys asking for forgiveness for what they did to Yuu prior to the overblots because once, just once, I want to read someone asking Yuu to forgive them and for Yuu to be selfish just once and say ‘no’
I know that I portray my fem!Yuu as this person that’s so sweet and forgiving and kind and soft and gentle but that’s because I’m obsessed with the dynamic of this sweet sunshine bubbly girl being a breath of fresh air to these villainous boys (and also because I kind of took some inspiration from my favourite princess, Snow White, and I based her a bit on Wendy Darling because I wanted her to be that ‘mature young girl’ who is very motherly but is still very much a fun-loving, imaginative child) but I just want a Yuu that is given the respect that they deserve.
I want a Yuu that actually experiences PTSD because of the treatment that they’ve undergone. I want them to hate the fact that their experience in NRC has changed them. I want them to hate that they’ve developed claustrophobia and a fear of the dark after they were forcefully imprisoned in Scarabia, I want them to hate how anything can trigger a PTSD-induced flashback, I want them to hate how Riddle’s jabs at their character and parentage still ring in their head after all this time, I want them to hate how whenever they’re submerged in water, all they can remember is what Azul, Jade and Floyd put them through in their attempts to get their home and family back. I want them to hate how often they get nightmares, how any second could be the day they finally get killed by any of these magic users who are far more powerful than them. I want them to look in the mirror and despise every single scar that litters their once unblemished body. I want them to hate how they had to ask the people who stripped them of their home and the only family they had in NRC for help in Book 4 because now they are indebted to them and they have no idea when Azul would want to cash that.
I’ve seen fics that have Yuu go through heatstroke during the marches in Scarabia and, as someone that not only has had heatstroke before but also had a really scary fainting experience I headcanon that as well so how about a Yuu that turns down Kalim’s invitations because the sight of Scarabia reminds them of the hostility that they faced when they were the most vulnerable. How about a Yuu that tries not to hate Kalim because he’s a genuinely nice person and was the only one to welcome them with kindness but can’t help but feel bitter whenever they hear the housewarden excuse Jamil’s behaviour when they still remember how they were locked up against their will.
This fic by linawritestwst and this fic by the-hearteater portray what I’m talking about really well. (taxonomize our differences by Jemimimi does a really good job of illustrating how being in Twised Wonderland affects Yuu’s mental health - there’s an incredible scene where Yuu has a panic attack and teaches Grim how to help them out of it. I nearly cried because their sense of self worth is so low and suicidal tendencies are so unstable that in multiple points of the story they try to get other students to kill them and Yuu my baby 😭)
When I go through the Rollo x reader fics, the majority of them are either yandere or the usual fluff. But Rollo can actually be a good friend for Yuu to have. Whilst their mentalities are different, they both agree that magic is dangerous - with Yuu being a victim of said magic. I honestly think that, if he wasn’t written as the big bad of the event, he could’ve been a really good ally that would understand Yuu’s pain of not only facing overblot after overblot but their helplessness of being surrounded by magical individuals and not knowing whether they’ll be able to survive another day.
Everyone’s always like #Crowley Slander (which he rightfully deserves, I am thisclose to punting him) but don’t forget everything the boys did. I see fics where they stand up to Crowley for Yuu but the most they do is reference the overblots but never that they did horrible things as well. Crowley may have told Yuu to stay behind during the winter holidays but Jamil was the one who imprisoned us and prevented us from contacting our friends for help. Crowley may have made Yuu stay at Ramshackle (although to be fair Ramshackle is kind of the safest option - who knows what would happen to Yuu if their magical self was in an actual dorm, especially all of the female Yuus. I think living in isolation is kind of the best option for them when the universe is out to get them. Plus, the ghosts are amazing company.) but Azul was the one who made us homeless and had a shady business (that he still has even after the overblot). Crowley may have been blackmailing Yuu with food, shelter and money but Leona was the one that was sabotaging the students and Vil was the one that tried to point blank kill an innocent child in cold blood after making his childhood trauma and personal one-sided rivalry everyone’s problem for the weeks leading up to the VDC.
Everyone only treated them with respect after the overblot incidents - so they literally had to put themselves in danger and nearly die for them to be treated as not a nobody. When Riddle made those completely uncalled for jabs at Yuu, an innocent bystander, nobody said or did anything. Not Trey, who enabled Riddle’s reign of terror and quietly observed the suffering all of the Heartslabyul students (and then had the gall to tell adeuceyuu not to get angry at Riddle because of course tragic backstory = forgiveness), not Cater, who canonically has a hidden side so Yuu has more of a reason not to trust him, not any of the other card soldiers - no Ace, the one everyone writes off as a stupid tactless jerk that does badly in school and only causes trouble, was the only one that had the emotional intelligence to realise that Yuu’s feelings were hurt and was the only one who cared to do something about it via sucker punching the tantrum-throwing tyrant.
(I can’t remember if Deuce did anything but he already stood up for us during the egg debacle so it’s okay he’s still my number one love)
(Also: Riddle is known to be incredibly strict with his dorm. It’s been said that Heartslabyul has the best academic record because of Riddle’s incredibly high standards. He also doesn’t take excuses from anyone even if they aren’t even in the wrong - which is seen when he exiles adeuceyuu from the dorm during the Mont Blanc Tart Incident where Trey tells Riddle that he was the one who told them to make the tart for the party and Riddle says that it was still their fault for not knowing the rules beforehand because of course a first year would have memorised all 810 rules by their like third day and it would be perfectly normal of them to ask a senior for advice on what to do. My question is: how many dyslexic students or anyone else with learning disabilities do you think Riddle has sent crying? How many students with less than stellar family backgrounds joined NRC only to find that they were sorted into a dorm that had a leader who not only holds their abusive mother’s teaching methods on a pedestal but is more than ready to hurl insults at anyone that disagrees with him? How many times had Trey seen an innocent student receive unfair treatment and kept quiet about it despite it being his job as a vice dorm leader and upperclassman to look after them?)
I know that so many people want Yuu to overblot or go through their villain arc so that the boys can be put in that place but why do we even have to go that far? If Yuu did have magic they would have overblotted ages ago but even so why do they need to have a mental breakdown so that others could see where they went wrong? Remember an overblot can kill its host and Yuu doesn’t need another near death experience. 
I want Yuu to be like Ashtarte and just have a small circle of friends and family in Ace, Deuce, Grim and the Ramshackle ghosts and tell everyone else to bog off. I want Ace, Deuce and Grim to be like the maid, Leona/Loena - different translations have different spellings (she is such a protective mama bear I love her so much. She literally calls out royalty to their faces, is ready to throw hands with the entire world and is willing to risk her own life for Ashtarte’s happiness) and act as Yuu’s guard dogs to prevent anyone from coming near them. Ace, Deuce and Grim have been there since the beginning, they’re Yuu’s ride or die besties that know what they’re going through, they’re platonic soulmates who can clearly see the emotional turmoil on weighing down on them. I want them to witness how Yuu is affected by their PTSD with their panic attacks and nightmares and bouts of depression and dissociation and then doing their best to learn how to help them. I want Yuu to refuse to step foot in another dorm and just go to NRC for classes and then disappear into Ramshackle. I want Ace and Deuce to run interference in case anyone approaches their friend because can’t you see that they don’t want to talk to you, who’s not afraid to stand up to anyone be it teachers or upperclassmen because haven’t they done enough damage. 
Yes, Ace is a jerk but he’s not a mean bully of a jerk. He’s just a stupid tactless teenage boy who just needs to be humbled once or twice - he’s completely harmless unlike Sebek and his humanphobic bigoted butt who should definitely keep his comments to himself because Yuu already has enough troubles without someone reminding them of how inferior their species is.
I want these boys to feel guilt - not because of their overblots but because they were actually horrible people before they tried to kill a defenseless, magicless human. I want Yuu to not only lose trust in the main characters but also with everyone else because they never know who would hurt or betray them next - who would be like Trey or Rook and enable bad behaviour, or who would be like Azul and take advantage of their weaknesses, or who would be like Jamil and pretend to be their friend and then stab them in the back. I want a Yuu that’s tired of being manipulated and used by everyone and is just done with everything.
As much as I love parental!Staff, you have to admit that canonically, they’ve done a pretty bad job of looking after Yuu so how about a Yuu that doesn’t trust adults because they’ve shown no interest in actually being someone that Yuu can open up to. Also, Azul was able to get away with everything he did was because he had Crowley in his pocket - who’s to say that he doesn’t have other adults under his thumb as well? (We know he doesn’t but how can Yuu be sure)
I want Yuu to be friends with Neige because he seems like such a sweetheart and I really don’t like how I see fics putting him down just to make Vil look good. As I mentioned above, Snow White is my favourite Disney Princess and sharing a spot with Pooh Bear as my favourite Disney character so a darling boy that is inspired by her would be an awesome friend to have - and he has never caused Yuu physical, verbal, emotional or mental harm.
Don’t get me wrong. I know that this is making me come off as a hater but I just want some justice for Yuu. They deserve absolutely nothing that they go through and I want happiness for them.
Also, on a completely unrelated note, I may have been listening to Numb Little Bug a tad bit too much.
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can i ask advice ;; drawing wise ? how did you start to anatomy but also w stylization? did you bruteforce by studying every bone muscle etc in art school?
hmm...
First, you must distinguish between two completely different concepts: gesture and anatomy. The stylization and dynamic you often see me doing with my dancing practice is "Gesture". This is an excellent tutorial by Proko about gestures. I practiced gestures very soon when I started drawing, simply because I wanted to draw dynamically, lucky for me it was the right thing to do. This was the main reason why I'm so fast at sketching.
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This is my gesture practice, 1 min, 2 min, and 5 min sketch. It's about the flow of the body and which direction each part is going, use "sharp and coherent lines". I practice until it becomes a "natural reflex", a habit when I look at people's interactions.
This below is something I drew 3 years ago (my anatomy was not good sorry), notice how I use many many coherent lines? At the thigh, shin, arm stretching,... all the bigger areas? That's the remaining of gestures.
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It goes without saying. Try to find the flow of gestures, even for the hair or clothes. Heh, I drew this 4 years ago, how nostalgic.
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You can see how I just create the flow with Lya's hair and body movement in the dancing pics too. Like with Kylar's pic her body is straight up one quite hard mass from head to toe. You know she's leaning forward, seemingly wanting to abandon Kylar with a "pathetic loser like you? With me?" attitude (ouchie sorry Kylar nation). While in Sydney's pic she seems much more relaxed and enjoys how her body parts seem to loosen and more in sync with Sydney's movements. Her hip and legs sway more, and her hair also sways back at Sydney's body, hinting that her moves are relatively close to his body. I don't think I have enough vocabulary to describe, gestures are always just "feelings" to me. If people see what I want to show, that's the success for me.
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I know many self-learners started by finding random tutorials that have muscle breakdown or box-like proportions to try and mimic. Mimic is good, drawing is mimicking and remembering what you saw, but without good gesture practice, many people tend to make anatomy very stiff.
Then, you start to apply anatomy to the gestures you've practiced. One way to do it is by learning about muscle position first, and then trying to apply it to a figure, or a model. This is my homework and it's HORRIBLY WRONG IN MANY WAYS. My teacher fixed it for me but I don't have the after with me right now, so take this as an example of how to do the apply thing, DO NOT USE IT AS MUSCLE REF it's very wrong.
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In my opinion bone structure is not strictly needed like muscles. Bones are for muscles to hang onto. You only need to remember some important "landmarks" like the collarbone, elbow joint, anterior pelvis, knee, and ankle,… to hang the important muscles to it. After you're familiar with muscles and gestures, you can start to stylize. Applying your knowledge to animated characters with cartoonish design is one great way. THESE HOMEWORKS OF MINE ARE STILL WRONG but ye hope you get the idea. I'm still struggling with anatomy.
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One of my all-time fav are AFK ARENA artists and what they do for the game. Aki as the main artist, Kuri Huang, and another artist I suddenly forgor the name as home screen illust. I recommend researching their works if you want a direction on how to stylize your character with great dynamic gestures and shapes.
And
As much as I hate to say this, I was particularly considered a failure, a stone-head, who couldn't be changed for the better when I was still in art school - uni. My chosen major was digital graphic design, not specified in drawing but in designing, that's one thing I regret. I traded 5 years of my youth for doing the things I don't want to do. That's why the moment I graduated, I immediately went and signed up for an advanced art class specified in drawing. I'd be lying if I said the uni didn't teach me anything about drawing. They did, but almost everything I learned during 5 years of uni was self-learning from outer sources. I encourage self-learning the most when I talk with younger artists. Proko is a very trusted source to learn from, go to their YouTube channel, and you might figure out something too.
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keen-li · 5 months
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Only one | 01
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Warnings: toxic relationship trauma, trauma in general, mentally broken oc, manipulation, yendere jungkook. [Still more warnings to be added]
Psychiatrist jungkook x patient reader
.......
"I just wanna be good enough for someone you get" you play with the hem of your hospital gown.
"But no one is ever good to me" you take a deep breath feeling the tears coming but you hold them in.
"It's okay to cry, don't hide your emotions from me" your psychiatrist, Mr jeon, says having noticed you holding back. Once he says that your tears fall drop by drop until they're leaving your eyes like a waterfall. Mr jeon doesn't say anything, he just notes down what he observes.
"I know I'm good girl, don't you think I'm a good girl?" Good girl, a word You’ve been trying to stop referring to yourself as. Ever since your last relationship, which is one of the many reasons you're in this damn hospital, where your boyfriend would use it so often and even make you refer yourself as that, you haven't been able to let it go yet. Mr jeon hasn't addressed it yet but you're so sure he's noticed it by now.
He's silent to your question, "don't you think I'm a good girl" you ask so genuinely it's sad. Mr jeon simply smiles at you.
"I think you're a good person" he says no emotion behind it.
You scoff.
"I'm sorry, is there something else you would've liked me to say" he sits attentive and alert. His tone is gentle though the question feels sharp.
"I-i just..." You fail to speak and he gives you a reassuring look to help you speak.
"H-he always told me no-one will ever find me good enough apart from him" jungkook knows who the 'he' is, he's been a major topic of your sessions.
"Mmm" Mr jeon acknowledges as he takes note of something. Sometimes you spend your nights wondering what he's writing about you.
Could it be about how much he doesn't want to work with you anymore. Or maybe you're just insecure.
.....
"No please take me back" you flop around in the nurses hands.
"I'm okay, I promise." You don't sound okay and the nurses know better. It's one of those days where you have a mental breakdown. You don't see the damage you cause but others do and that's why they have to take you back to your room to cool down.
Mr jeon watches from afar as they take you away. You were having a session with him that's when you had your breakdown. You weren't even done with the session only in an hour out of the two hours you always have set. Mr jeon has seen your breakdowns before and even took notes of what you said while in that state.
Guess he has to see you next week.
......
You're sick of this place, its so plain and boring. You've been here for eight weeks and even though you feel you're getting better, the hospital thinks otherwise. Mr jeon hasn't given you anything on your progress, only praising you for your strength and openness. You want to know when you can leave this place. You wanna go back to your home, where your can rest peacefully with your dog and pet fish. Oh, you remembered your mother took your pets since you can't be there to take care of them. You just wanna be around them. And they've been on your mind lately.
"So how have you been?" He starts as he settles in his seat with just notepad, glasses glued to his face.
"I'm sorry I wasn't with you for the last two weeks" it's true, he's the only psychiatrist you trust and he hasn't been with you for two weeks. That caused you to have to speak to another psychiatrist, she honestly didn't understand you like Mr jeon does and that made it harder for you to express your true feelings.
"I had an emergency I had to attend to" Mr jeon doesn't talk about his personal life with you only focusing on yours. He doesn't need to tell you anything about his personal life and you don't need to know.
"I've been thinking about home more often lately." You say avoiding Mr jeon's eyes. He noticed you always did this when you expressed something to him that you weren't sure he'd be interested in. But he's always interested in what you say to him.
"Mm, what is it that you're missing at home?" he says in his ever present professional tone.
When he asks this question you remember the cute dog that's probably missing you right now, and the little fish you kept fed and clean in the tank, you hope whoever is looking after them is doing a good job cause if they aren't they're gonna feel it. Those animals have been the only source of comfort and joy in your life, until you were separated.
And now that he's asked that question and you realise the answer, the tears begin to form.
Mr jeon notices and smiles "its okay" his voice is so comforting that it aids your crying. Next second tears are flowing down your face as you try to control your sobs and breathing.
"I-i-i m-miss.." he can see you struggle with your words and reminds you of the breathing tactic he taught you.
You cool down a bit from the tactic, enough to say your words atleast.
"I miss my pets. My dog, my fish" you say and he can see how much they mean to you.
"Why do you miss them?" Seems like a bad question to ask someone in tears but because it's Mr jeon you don't mind.
"They were my only comfort, my only joy and my only hope" you sob as memories of them, especially your dog, make it to your brain.
He watches intently as you sob, he takes down some notes but you're too emotional to notice.
"I just wanna go home " you confess. "I'm tired of it here, I miss home" you sob intensely forgetting about the tactic.
"I'd honestly do anything to leave this place" Mr jeon stops at that.
"I just wanna leave this place" you confess all of this unconsciously. You feel so free around Mr jeon that you don't even think before you say anything.
"I just wanna go home" you whisper finally calming down.
You can see as you wipe your tears, Mr jeon places the note book down and even takes his glasses off. He only takes them off when he's leaving after his shift. He stands going to the door checking outside and locking it when he finally gets back.
You're confused about this new found behaviour, during your sessions he only focuses on you and never does anything else, especially not take off his glasses.
You're confused even more when he squats in front of you as if speaking to a child. He places his palms on the couch on each side of you as you stare at him with raised brows. It's weird seeing Mr jeon like this, he looks different from the the psychiatrist you speak to most of the time.
"Would you do anything to go back home?" he looks at you with so much patience and determination, like you would a child you're trying to convince to go to school.
"You'd do anything huh?" Even the way he's speaking is different, it's more casual.
You remember your previous confession, and even though it was an unconscious confession you still meant it. You can see him waiting for your answer and you unsurely nod.
He shakes his head declining your response.
"I need you to use your words. I need you to be sure" his tone is so soft and gentle and it makes you even more comfortable around him.
After thinking about it, which he lets you do, you have your answer.
"Yes I would." You nod along your words. He smiles at that, feeling to be going in the right direction with you.
"You know I can get you out of this place in a second, right?" He questions you.
You nod. "Words y/n"
"Yes, I know you can"
He nods. "Do you trust me? " It's actually something you've thought about. Do you trust Mr jeon? yes, yes you do. He's the only one you trust in this whole hospital or even the world.
"I do trust you, Mr jeon" he smiles at the honorific. You're unsure to what's he's getting to but you listen close.
"So if you trust me, then let me get you out of this place" why is he asking you this. Does he do this for others as well.
"I can take you somewhere better. I can take you home" and when he says home your eyes light up.
"Home?" You ask and he nods. "I do wanna go home"
"Okay then" he smiles at you. His eyes then turn dark But you can barely notice mind clogged with the hope of being able to go home.
"But you have to do one thing for me"
Next
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violetasteracademic · 21 days
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I know this has been said a million times in a million ways, but I humbly request an audience to September Virgo out for a hot minute and share my dissertation on why the "Three Brothers and Three Sisters is *lazy writing*" take is by far the WORST.
If you found me through my Lucien Vanserra's Hero's Journey breakdown (I'll link that at the end) then you already know I am an absolute nerd about book structure. I do not beef with the other ships and genuinely love and am interested in every character in these shipwars. But I get a little hot when I see this take!
The reason being is that 3 and 3 is not "lazy writing." Lazy writing is:
⚫ Conveniently de-escalating all current stakes and conflicts established in the service of a romantic pairing.
⚫ Poorly pacing a book because now we have to explain why a character was thinking about offering another character 1 ticket to ride his face, but now he quickly wants someone else instead that many people offline don't even know about. Structure wise- (we are talking three act structure here, again I have broken that down in the link I'll post below) this means that by the end of Act One, the act in which the lead of our story has been presented with all of the information and their story has been laid out, they are now crossing into Act Two with clarity and set up, (side note-the first act is typically resolved within the first 20% of the book (or less!) we must resolve an existing romance with one character that has not even gotten its opportunity to be told in depth (i.e. Feyre and Tamlin). And reasonably introduce a new romance. As well as the introduction of new plotlines to accommodate the new romance. It's just... it's a plot and pacing nightmare. I'm getting the sweats even thinking about it.
⚫ Ignoring years worth of details and foreshadowing in an act of fan service because the fandom decided they don't like your character, even if you, as the author, very much do.
⚫ Introducing a brand new plot in the middle of a smorgasbord of unresolved plotlines so a newly introduced side character who has already had a complete arc in service of another main character can now become the next main character, leapfrogging over the remaining main characters who have been around since book one with active storylines in development.
Three and three is not "lazy writing." Three is simply a motif. A motif is an artistic/literary device. Three sisters. Three brothers. Three mountains. Three stars on the night court insignia, ect.
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Writing is: Structure. Line level prose. Obstacles. Stakes. Character arcs.
I will absolutely allow the criticism that it is cheesy or corny. That is an opinion, and you are totally allowed to have it. We can respectfully disagree on that and it's no skin off my back.
However, Elriel (as well as Vassien) have the elements that *good* writing is comprised of. Characters with steadily increasing arcs. Obstacles at every turn. Incredibly high stakes. And in my opinion (though of course everyone is allowed their own opinion on this!) some downright BREATHTAKING one liners and line level prose in their interactions from ACOMAF all the way to the bonus chapter.
Please, I beg of you, understand that just because you do not like something does not make it lazy or poorly executed. Art is subjective, and when we use our taste to make objective assertions about things we don't prefer, art suffers.
For more on book structure and the possibilities of Lucien and Vassa's absolutely beautiful potential, hop on over here:
Thank you for your time 😂
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the-hopeless-haze · 1 year
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my only one
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Summary:  You and Aaron are getting married in a month. An unplanned accident brings up other questions for you.
Warning: if you do not support a woman’s right to choose do not read this. you will not like what you find here
Word Count: 5.3k
You were so careful. So very careful.
It didn’t matter now.
You tried. You failed. Better women than you had found themselves in this exact position you’re in now. Shocked numb and staring at yourself in the mirror like you were a ghost, outside of your own body, a figment of your own imagination.
This couldn’t be real.
It had to be fake. A hoax. You were dreaming.
You had to be.
With trembling hands, with vision blurred by tears, with an ache behind your eyes, you manage to flush the toilet and then turn back around, gripping the edge of the counter for dear life. It hurts to breathe, to think, to exist.
This is the last thing you want to be thinking about right now.
“Honey? Are you almost done in there?” you hear his voice, his gentle knock at the door. “I left my shirt hanging. Can I come and get it?”
You shouldn’t have done this before work. You shouldn’t have done this at all.
But that’s stupid, too, isn’t it? What were you going to do? This wouldn’t have just gone away on its own if you ignored it.
Aaron calls your name and you can’t find your voice to respond. “Why aren’t you answering me? I’m coming in there.”
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
There’s no way to hide from him that you just had a mental breakdown. Your face is puffy, your skin is blotchy and you’re still trembling like a wet dog.
So you do what’s ill-advised, trying to hide the obvious from a profiler, and you attempt to brush past him and exit the bathroom without him being able to get a look at your face.
Too late. He grabs your arm gently, pulling you back to face him.
“What’s wrong?” he asks you, looking at you with concern.
“Nothing,” you lie, swallowing thickly against the tightness in your throat.
“Something’s obviously wrong,” he murmurs, brushing your hair back and kissing the top of your head.
“I don’t want to talk about it,” you say, blinking away tears.
“Honey, we can’t go to work like this. I’m going to be worried sick all day. Please tell me.”
“Aaron… I… I can’t talk about it,” you say, squeezing your eyes shut so you don’t have to look at him.
He pulls you into an embrace, and you smell the freshness of his aftershave against his neck, the linen scent of the detergent on his plain white t-shirt, and you feel his warmth, his body heat. It serves to calm you some.
But then you look over his shoulder and you see it.
You can’t stay wrapped in his arms forever.
You have to handle this.
In the midst of your overwhelm you forgot to throw it out, trying to exit the bathroom as quickly as you could, and there it sat on the counter. Two angry pink lines screaming at you, still visible from where you stand now. Aaron’s back is turned to it. If you… if you just grabbed it… if he didn’t ever have to know, ever have to find out…
You shrug out of the hug and lean up and kiss him, trying to smile even though your stomach is turning. “Honey. I just need… I just need another minute alone. Can you please just…?”
You trail off. There’s no good reason why he can’t be in the bathroom with you when you’re washing your face or fixing your hair you had raked through thoroughly with your fingers.
Well.
There is.
But you can’t say it.
“You’re making me worried,” Aaron says, taking your hand in his and squeezing it gently, holding it with his against his chest.
“I know,” you admit hollowly, because you’re making yourself worried, too.
“So, tell me, honey. Whatever it is, we can face it together. Please,” he says, running his thumb over the engagement ring on your hand. The ring he put there. The ring you accepted.
Shouldn’t you want this, then? Shouldn’t you be happy? Why does this fill you with dread, and make you seize up with fear?
Why do you not want this?
How quickly ambivalence turns to fear.
“Aaron, please,” you sputter. “Please just let me be alone.”
He nods dejectedly, grabbing his shirt from where it hung on the side of the closet, but he follows your line of gaze to where you’re staring, transfixed.
Oh. Oh no.
“Honey, is that—"
“If you love me, Aaron, you’ll walk out of this room and pretend you didn’t see anything,” you say quickly, cutting him off, grabbing it off the counter so he can’t get a better look.
“I think that’s what I would do if I didn’t love you,” he says calmly.
“Aaron. Just let it slide. Forget about it.”
“Forget about it? You have a pregnancy test in your hand and you want me to forget about it? We’re getting married in a month. To each other. And you want me to forget about this?”
He said the words out loud. Made it real. Made it something that didn’t just exist in your head or your body.
Pregnancy.
That’s what it was.
There was no hiding anymore.
You give in, give up, give it to him. Hand him the test.
Aaron stares at it without saying a word for a few moments and you never particularly want to spend time in his head, but right now you’d like to get in there if only for a second to know what was running through it. What did he think about you? Shouldn’t you be happy? Was he happy? You wish he would give you something, any hint of a reaction, but he doesn’t say anything.
“How do you feel?” he asks quietly, finally breaking the silence.
“How do I feel?” you ask, your voice coming out in a hysterical shriek, contrast to his cool, calm demeanor. “Look at me. Take a guess.”
Putting the test back on the counter he nods, wrapping his arms around you, squeezing you tightly. “It’s going to be okay.”
“Okay? Aaron, how can you say that?”
“Because we’re going to get through this. We don’t have a choice.”
“I just got promoted. Neither of us are ever home. Either one of us quits or… or this child doesn’t have parents,” you say. “I’m not going to get through this. I’m going to have a psychotic break.”
“Hey. Hey. Shh. I need you to breathe. Okay? Shh,” he says, smoothing your hair with the palm of his hand.
“Aaron. Don’t tell me to calm down right now,” you sob.
“I’m not. I need you to breathe, though. Okay? Good. Just like that,” he says gingerly, breathing slowly himself in an attempt to get you to stop hyperventilating.
Son of a bitch. Always meeting your hysterics with peace, even when you wanted nothing more than to fight against it. “Let’s go sit down and talk about this on the couch. Okay? I’ll make you a tea.”
“We have to be in the office—"
“We’re both supervisors, now. We get a little leeway,” he grins, kissing the top of your head. “We may as well use it. We need to talk about this. I don’t know about you, but I can’t go into work until we have a game plan here.”
You nod, swallowing, blinking away tears.
You were meant to be the hot power couple, the Hotchners, who get gossiped about behind closed doors throughout departments, “Hey, did you hear who’s heading the BAU together?” Not that you were doing this all for recognition, but the last thing you wanted people to say about you was, “Well, I guess she gave it all up to raise children instead. Just like women when you put a ring on their finger.”
Not that that’s a bad thing. It’s a noble pursuit.
But it’s not something you think you can handle. Giving up the position you just received for a child you didn’t plan to have?
You sit on the couch alone, hearing Aaron in the kitchen, and you’re glad to be away from the tangibility, the pregnancy test left in the bathroom on the counter, out of sight but not forgotten.
“Here you go, honey,” Aaron says, handing you the hot mug of tea that you accept gratefully.
“What are we going to do?” you ask hollowly.
“What do you think is the best course of action, here?”
“How do you feel?”
“Honey, it’s not my decision to make.”
“Don’t give me that bullshit. You’re half the reason that test is positive,” you say. “Tell me what you want.”
“I… I’m in support either way.”
“Don’t give me a bullshit answer. Do you want another kid or not?”
Aaron shrugs, runs his hand over his face, and sighs. “It’s not a bullshit answer. And it isn’t my decision to make. I don’t want to sway you and make you do something you don’t want to do for me.”
“Aaron. Yes or no. Simple,” you say curtly.
He exhales heavily again, placing his hand on your knee. “Honey. You know you don’t have to do this, right? You’re not a bad person if this isn’t something you want. I didn’t ask you to marry me because I wanted you to have my children. I already have Jack, and I knew this was something you weren’t sure if you wanted. I wouldn’t have asked you to marry me if I knew that having kids was going to be a dealbreaker for us. I’d be happy if we had a child but I’m just as happy with you if we don’t.”
“But if… if we did this, how would it work?” you ask quietly, pursing your lips as you blow on the cup of tea and sip at it.
“I don’t know, honey,” he admits. “You know how I feel about Jack. How I feel like I’ve been failing him since he was born. It’s not… it isn’t easy, with this job to raise kids, and it’ll be even harder with both of us working this job. It’s something I’m willing to try if this is what you want. But it’s going to be stressful. It’s going to be difficult. We’re both likely going to have to take time off, swap off cases, be single parents when the other person is away. We wouldn’t see each other often. It’s going to be a strain. It was a strain with Jack and it was just me in this position.”
It ended his marriage.
He doesn’t say that out loud. But it ended his marriage.
You don’t want this to have a death sentence before it even starts.
As much as he loved Haley, as much as he loved Jack, they couldn’t make it work as a family. Granted, Jack wasn’t the main issue, how could you blame an innocent child for all your marital strife? They were on the rocks before he was conceived. But you know having Jack didn’t make anything better, made it strain until it bent, until it snapped under the pressure.
It doesn’t help shake the guilt you feel. How you know there are women that would kill to be in your position, women who wanted to have kids but couldn’t, women who tried so hard to do what you did by accident.
“I just… isn’t it selfish? I mean, we’re getting married. We’re financially secure. If it were ever the right time…”
“If we both keep having to take time off of work our financial situation is going to change,” he points out. “And… I don’t know if I agree with you. You’re adjusting to your supervisory role. The team is adjusting to taking orders from you, too. Getting married is a change, too. It’s good stress, but it’s still stressful. If we added a child… that’s three huge changes in your life at once.”
“Do you think we could make it work?” you ask, looking him in the eyes, searching for a reaction.
“We could. I believe that. But it’s a sacrifice. And just because we could make it work doesn’t mean we have to if it’s something you don’t want,” he assures you, squeezing your knee. “Whatever you decide is no judgment on your character. I’m still going to love you just the same. I’m still going to be waiting for you to walk down that aisle to me a month from now.”
“It should be… our decision.”
“It is. I’m in full support of whatever you decide. Like I said.”
“But that’s a cop-out.”
“No. I’m telling you the truth, honey, and I need you to accept that. I’m allowed to not feel as strongly as you either way. That’s what being a man in this situation is. Stepping back, here. Even if I break my back trying to make my share of the burden equal to yours… I’ll never be able to do it. It’s something you have to want more than anything else. It’s nine months. It’s months where toward the end you might be on bed rest and I might be away. Months of being sick. Months of not being cleared for field work once you get further along.”
“Well. That sounds terrible.”
“It does. It would break my heart to be away when you would need me. But it’s the reality. And then it’s another eighteen years of sacrifices upon sacrifices.”
You don’t say anything. You drink your tea. You breathe through your nose. In. Out. Through. Deep.
“Did I ever tell you about when I had Jack?” he offers, moving his hand from your knee to take your hand in his.
“No. Not really.”
“I… I didn’t want to be a father. Haley always wanted to be a mother and we had been together for a long time before we started trying because I kept trying to get her to move on. I felt like after what I endured with my own father… I didn’t want to have that responsibility, the potential to screw somebody up for the rest of their lives. And I was busy, too, working, and I knew I wasn’t going to be there like I should be. I knew I was going to fail him before he was even born. She felt like it was what was going to make or break our marriage. Which… she was right, she just didn’t know… but, anyway, when he was born, when I fully realized that that was my own flesh and blood… it’s something I can’t explain. It changes everything. How you see the world, how you interact with people, how you decide to manage your time, and your sense of identity. It’s… I would say it’s something I think everyone should experience, but given our line of work it’s very clear some people should not.”
“Do you… do you regret it? I know that sounds awful, but I…” You trail off as if stopping your sentence will make what said have less weight.
Aaron sighs. “No. It’s something about what I said, the way it shifts your whole worldview to the left a little bit. It prevents you from regretting it entirely. Jack is… it’s unconditional love, and I don’t think you understand that until you have kids, because then you feel that. You know there’s nothing they can do wrong that would prevent you from loving them. I’m always…sorry that I didn’t prevent Haley from doing this, that I didn’t fight with her enough, that I didn’t look her in the eyes and tell her bringing a child into an already failing marriage wasn’t going to fix it. It wasn’t going to make me come home and stay home. But I’ll always be grateful that I have Jack, even if he was born from unfortunate circumstances. I mean, it’s the way of the world, right? I’d been married for years, and it’s the expectation for a married couple to have children. It was always family members asking her if she was having infertility struggles, asking me if I really loved her if I wasn’t willing to make her a mother. Just because the expectation is there doesn’t mean we have to fulfill it if it’s something you don’t want to do.”
“You won’t be upset if you don’t have a child with me? At all?” you ask softly. “Because… I don’t know, Aaron. I guess sometimes you don’t know the answer until it’s happening. I don’t know if I can ever do this.”
“I’m perfectly fine with that, honey,” he assures you. “I’m already a father. It would… it would be an honor to father your children. But it’s truly, honestly enough for me to be your husband in a month, and it’s just as much of an honor for you to wear my ring on my finger.”
“Do you think I’ll regret this?”
“If you find that you do, we can always try again when things are calmer,” he says, leaning over and kissing your temple. “You’re still young. It doesn’t have to be right now because it happened right now.”
“You don’t… you don’t think I’m being selfish?” you ask, desperate for reassurance.
“No. No. I think it’s more selfish to bring a child into the world when you’re expecting them to fix something before they’re even born. If you were to go through with this… why? What would your reasons be?”
“Because I feel guilty,” you say instantly, getting it off your chest.
“And that’s selfish. To bring a child into this world in an attempt to resolve your own guilt. And… it won’t work, honey. Because you’ll feel guilty all your life, anyway. Guilty when you miss birthdays, holidays, their first day of school,” Aaron says, swallowing audibly, and you hear him sniffle. You avert your gaze to him and take his face in your hands.
“Are you crying?” you ask, but you don’t need to. You see the tear he sheds before he wipes it away quickly.
You can’t put him through the trials and tribulations of self-imposed penitence for another eighteen years.
More importantly, you can’t put yourself through that. You realize for the first time, for all the good Jack has given him, he’s also given him equal amounts of pain.
And you don’t need any more agony, anxiety, or tension in your life.
Neither of you do.
This is going to hurt.
But eighteen years of failing to live up to expectations is going to hurt a lot more.
“I’m in full support of whatever you decide, honey,” he says again, rubbing your back.
“I… I need to do this, then. I need to get an abortion,” you say, with strengthened resolve, with the knowledge this is the best option for the two of you in this moment, with the way your lives are set up right now.
Abortion.
A so-called shameful, dirty word, when it was just a healthcare procedure. How many victims had the two of you encountered that you encouraged to go through with this, so they wouldn’t have to carry a monster’s baby to term?
It wasn’t just for that. It wasn’t always a decision brought about by evil men who rape innocent women, or poverty, or adultery. Sometimes it was a decision made with the utmost devotion and care, by a couple that loves each other and knows their limits.
“Okay,” Aaron agrees, pressing his mouth to your temple again. “We can make an appointment right now. You can’t be far along. You may be able to get the pill and do it here.”
“Is this what you wanted?” you ask. “Be honest.”
“It is,” he admits. “But more for your sake. I think you could handle it. You could handle anything. You’re strong and capable. But I think it would stretch you. It would take all you have. You wouldn’t be happy. And I want you to be happy.”
Aaron calls in and says the two of you are taking the day off due to a family emergency, and that comforts you, that the two of you can be considered a family unit together, just the two of you, soon-to-be husband and wife. While he calls in, you call for an appointment at the nearest clinic, and you’re eternally grateful they can get you in this afternoon for the consultation and blood work.
Aaron takes you out to brunch and you try to calm your nerves over coffee and pancakes. But looking at him, changed into cargo shorts and his plain white t-shirt, looking as casual as he’d ever look if he wasn’t running… you feel okay. Like he was right to meet your whirlwind of emotions with a blanket of tranquility.
Predictably, when you get there, there are protesters with signs with misconstrued Bible verses scrawled in large capital letters, and your stomach churns again at the thought of walking past them.
“I can clear them out,” he says quietly, judging your silence for fear.
“No. We don’t need to go in guns blazing. I’ll be okay,” you say, giving him a small smile, and he leans over and presses his mouth to it.
“I love you, honey. I love you. And I want you to know how brave I think you are, in this moment, for taking your needs into consideration and account,” Aaron tells you, kissing the side of your mouth gently.
“I love you, too, Aaron,” you reply, kissing him back and squeezing his hand, the fingers that you would slip a ring on weeks from now. “Don’t they have anything better to do?” you ask, shaking your head. “I mean. It’s sweltering out here.”
He shrugs but then both of you see it. A girl, walking through this crowd alone. Couldn’t be older than 16, and you guessed she was probably younger than that. She was thin, red curly hair frizzed up in the humidity, thin enough you could see the slight swell of her stomach under her tank top. Granted, it wasn’t a large group of people, but it was enough to intimidate somebody, more women than men, some children, and they start screaming at her, trying to hand her pamphlets.
“Maybe we will have to go in guns blazing,” you say through gritted teeth, opening the car door and trying not to slam it in your haste.
You’re walking quickly, too quick for Aaron to catch up immediately, and you don’t say anything, just walk up and walk through, two middle fingers up at the two lines of protesters.
“Oh, nice, what a nice example you’re setting for this young lady,” one of the women says, and you turn to her, scoffing.
“No better than you,” you retort. “By the way. Exodus 21 22-25. Take a look at it someday, will you? Funny how the Bible says only a fine is owed if you cause a miscarriage, but it’s a life for a life if you kill somebody. Funny, hm? Makes you think. Come on, honey,” you say, putting your arm around this girl’s shoulder as you walk into the building, just in time for Aaron to catch up with you and catch your other hand.
“How did you know that?” he asks.
“Reid,” you respond and grin. “I pay attention to him. It comes in handy.”
Aaron chuckles, shaking his head and kissing the top of yours. “I love you.”
You let the girl sign in at the front first, wondering where she was getting the strength to do this alone at her age.
Well.
You suppose either way, for her, she would be alone.
Still. You’re eternally grateful for Aaron in this moment.
He should be here. He was half of the reason this was needed. Any man whose partner wants an abortion should be with them. But looking around… you see most of the women are alone, one other couple there besides you and Aaron.
Granted, this clinic provided other services besides abortions. But it’s so often seen as a woman’s solitary affair, something she “has to take care of” alone, in secret, terrified. How many mistresses drive here alone, paying for it with their own money while their lover kisses his wife good morning? How many teenagers like this girl have to scrape up the funds, try to avoid the suspicion of their parents, and do this alone?
“Thank you,” the girl says quietly, as you sit down with Aaron across from her. She’s bouncing her knee at a rapid pace, crossing her arms over her belly.
“You’re welcome, honey. Any time,” you respond. “What’s your name?”
“Deana,” she answers, looking nervously between you and Aaron.
You introduce yourself to her, shaking her sweaty hand.
“Are you… are you here for the same reason?” she asks.
“I think so.”
“I’m afraid,” she admits, not that she needed to, all wide-eyed and trembling like you were hours ago. “Are you? Aren’t you scared?”
“Yes,” you admit. “But you will get past this.”
“How do you know? Have you done this before?”
“No,” you say, shaking your head. “No. But I know, honey.”
You can’t and shouldn’t credit Aaron with all your growth over the years you’ve known him. You’ve done a lot of work yourself. You’re still prone to heightened emotions, anxiety, even depression at times. Aaron isn’t medication, he isn’t therapy, no, but he does serve to help, some.
He makes you better, because he loves you, and you make him better, too. You make him happier. You make his iron grip on life a little looser. You help him feel younger, lighter on his feet.
Even if it’s when he knows just his presence is needed. He’s helping. Like here. He’s quiet, listening to you and Deana talk while you wait for the nurse. Deana’s a high school student, predictably. A sophomore. She had a fake ID made to be able to get the procedure without parental consent. (This she whispered in your ear lest there were eavesdropping receptionists). She slept with the senior quarterback. Lost her virginity at a party. Trusted the pullout method. Didn’t have the money to get this until now.
“I’ve been wearing sweatshirts all summer,” she says, finally smiling. “I’ll be glad for that to be over.”
“You’re very brave,” you tell her, and you mean it. You can’t imagine being in her position.
Not that you could have imagined being in yours even a day ago.
But this is what women do. You push through or you won’t make it. You make the best decision you can at the time. It’s one foot after another.
You shoot her a reassuring smile as the nurse calls her in. She takes a deep breath, finds her resolve, and she walks with her.
Aaron turns to you, wrapping his arm around your shoulder, his body heat welcome what with the air condition blasting. “You were good with her.”
“She’s so young,” you murmur. “I feel bad for her.”
“I do, too. But she’s got a good head on her shoulders. She’ll be okay.”
And.
Just like that.
You hear your name called.
It’s your turn.
And he gets up to go with you. Holds your hand physically. The burden, he's shouldering as much as he can. Metaphorically. —————— “How are you feeling?”
“Okay,” you say, holding the heating pad to your abdomen, laying horizontally on the couch.
The cramps don’t feel amazing. But. Again. You were glad to have Aaron here. Glad he took the same amount of time you had to take the pills and let it run its course at home.
And he’s so good. Making sure you’re staying hydrated. Cooking you meals. Getting you ibuprofen and ice cream. Being present. Making sacrifices.
It makes you wonder if maybe… maybe you could’ve done this, had the baby. But one day isn’t eighteen years. He’s great right now, he can do right now, but he can’t call out for eighteen years anymore than you can.
When you both return to the office, there are questions. Of course there are questions. “Are you both okay? Is there anything I can do? Do you want to talk about it?”
Yes. No. Absolutely not. —————— You don’t think about it as much until your wedding day, when you’re wondering if your dress would have had to have been altered. If you would’ve been sick with more than just nerves. If you would’ve regretted it.
You don’t regret a thing now, popping a bottle of champagne maybe a little too early with your mother, just a glass to soothe the wedding jitters.
“He seems like he really loves you,” your mom says. “Too bad I’ll never see you if you decide to have children.”
You nearly spit out your champagne, and you struggle not to let her see your reaction. “I don’t think you’ll need to worry about that, Mom. We have Jack.”
“Not yours.”
You shrug. “In a way, he is. I’m marrying his father.”
“Maybe you’ll surprise me. I never thought you’d tolerate a man enough to walk down the aisle. Or that a man would tolerate you enough, to be quite honest,” she says, grinning at your scowl.
It’s a small wedding, only close family, friends, and the team, really. No big declarations of love when you say your vows. It’s delightfully understated. Because you don’t need words to prove what’s already palpable.
Even your first dance, the song you chose, “Indian Summer” by The Doors, is beautiful in its simplicity.
I love you The best Better than all The rest.
Clear. Concise. To the point.
“I had other vows,” he confesses to you as Jim Morrison continues to croon on. “I just didn’t want to say them in front of everyone else.”
“Then say them to me now,” you whisper as he sways you around the room.
“Remember what I said about unconditional love? It’s not just… it isn’t just that any wrongdoing would be forgiven, that you’d still love them just the same. It’s that you would love them, no matter what. Even if they don’t love you anymore. And… that’s how I feel about you. No matter what.”
“Aaron. I just married you,” you tease. “I love you. I don’t think I’m leaving.”
“You… you don’t… see, this is why I didn’t want to say them in front of everybody,” he sputters, a blush creeping across his cheeks. “It’s… it’s that I know I would. If anything happened… I would still love you. Always. I thought… I thought it was reserved for children, and that was why I didn’t feel that way in my first marriage. But…. I don’t know. I’m happy to report that that is not the case. It’s a different kind of love, of course, but it’s still unconditional. We… we just went through something that tests even the strongest of couples and we handled it without any issues.”
“We did,” you agree.
“It was almost… romantic."
"Well, let's make sure we hit all the abortion clinics on the way to our honeymoon," you say, smiling at him teasingly.
Aaron scoffs. "Not what I meant. I mean, when I was younger, I never would have thought that could be something that would prove you love somebody. It's treated as a cop-out, a last resort, something you do if the relationship itself isn't going to work out... but for us, it was the right thing. The brave thing. And we did it together. That I could be there for you, in ways I couldn't have been if we had gone through with it. And... that's what makes it romantic. Right?"
You don't really have any eloquent words to say in response. You just love this man. For understanding. For knowing you. For not wanting you to jeopardize your career for something unplanned. For letting you take the reigns.
"Right," you agree, and you kiss him, letting him deepen the kiss, listening to Morgan whistle in the background.
"Yeah, Hotchners! Get a room next time."
"I think we can fire him if we join forces," you say, grinning when he laughs.
I love you the best Better than all the rest
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