#& Armin is the only person Eren told the whole truth to in the end | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

blueparadis · 1 year

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❝ TIMELESS TWILIGHT ❞ + ARMIN ARLERT

CWs —» afab!reader with s!her pronouns,semi-linear plotline, suggestive themes, royal au + supernatural au ( reader is a supernatural being ), strangers (to childhood friends) to lovers, slowburn, light angst, mention of corruption, violence and murder, temporary unrequited feelings, implicit smut descriptions,sappy romance and happy ending.

+. PLAYLIST—» moonlight ╾╼ somebody that I used to know ╾╼ rewrite the starts ╾╼ until i found you ╾╼ miel

PRECIS —» Armin was a chaser of eternity while she was a slave of it. One yearned for it, the other despised it until a thread of tragedy tied them together, forever.

+. NOTES —» this is for @dearbraus via @suyacho ’s gift exchange collab. hope you like this piece. I was confused between noé and armin but settled with the latter because this idea was originally thought for him.

I got this idea around april but finally, i could write this thanks to eden for that <3; also, this fic was partly inspired by the song moonlight by dhruv. I'm very much sleep deprived, so lemme sleep while y'all have a happy read. Merry Christmas (⁠＾⁠∇⁠＾⁠)⁠ﾉ

Special thanks to @orchid3a, @sailewhoremoon & @chosovixen for ß’reading this. also, you can read this in AO(III) ; browse more of my works through navigation links.

Museums, sculptures, libraries, books, songs, stories, poetries, paintings— all these had one thing in common: that is, they were eternal. They carried so many memories with them and yet were so defunct. And then, there are humans that live and die like flies. Ever since Armin was bestowed with the ability to walk he would only use it to go to the library or to sneak out through the back door of his room into the garden, or anywhere that does not remind him of the burden he has to carry till his last breath, the burden of protecting each and every person around him— the burden of this whole kingdom that his father ruled.

He never asked for this life, the luxury, the fame, and the power that came with it. His father had told him that everything that the light touched belonged to him, but only one thought crossed his mind: for how long? Armin did not have to ask anyone to find the answer to that question. He saw it, he lived it. The fragility of his life.

At that moment, when he was on the brink of destroying thousands of lives in one blow, hesitation overpowered his senses; the man kneeling in front of him, waiting for death to embrace him to save him from such shame, gutted him in the stomach. So annoying, Armin thought and slashed the head of the ruler of the kingdom.

He was nineteen when he owned a new kingdom, a hefty crown adorned with the most lustrous jewels in the city, and the queen that was promised along with it. To his father’s disappointment, he denounced it, the kingdom, and the kingless queen. Oh no, that does not mean he did not enjoy the greater pleasures of life. He did, through and through, he is the crown prince, and anyone who denied his demands would be rendered lifeless, a mere memory just like stories, books, and sculptures.

He was desired by many, even males. Some people knelt to him to please him, while others were doomed to become an unpleasant distant memory. There was no in-between, no mercy came from the heart of the crown prince. He was not cruel, just a rageful young boy who desired things that seemed impossible to achieve, at least in this life. He envies lifeless things that do not have a lifespan. How utterly foolish!

Sometimes he would laugh at himself, thinking he had been born cursed, a little sick in the head, but his diary told otherwise. He kept it in the library, the journal with sapphire covers and his family emblem. It rested among those massive books that carried the history of great generations and his ancestors so that none, even Mikasa and Eren would not be aware of him, his truth, his true self. Half of him was amused by how all his writing mocked the rich legends that his father boasts at every royal dinner, while the other half, wept like a wounded creature for not being able to make his dreams come true. He is the crown prince, the prince yet all that power fell short of his dreams to achieve; to hold someone in his arms timelessly and to fall in love limitlessly.

Armin could think of only one name, y/n l/n. The girl who left him without finishing her stories. The girl who met him only during Twilight, smelt like forever, and looked like one of those decaying sculptures of Rome.

The Library, that place has always been a wonder to her, y/n. Books stacked beside one after the other embedded with lores and legends from all over the world. Most are sugar-coated, few are the resultant of figmentation and truth but none told the bitter truth. The poets lied, love is not a prince saving princess, love is a princess waiting for the prince for eternity; love is not sharing kisses under the starry night, love is being burnt by mere words. Love is not divine, rather it is the most wretched curse.

Ever since she discovered the existence of the library, she had been fond of how lies are woven so slyly that even the witness failed to separate the truth from fallacies. She had been the witness to how all the kings confiscated the castle, slaughtered the innocents, and had all the women as baits for bodily pleasure, but those rusted pages of the book told how the ferocious warriors, ‘envoys of justice’, ‘harbingers of peace’, or so they liked to call themselves; those warriors killed so many cruel kings and saved the people of the kingdom from their madness. Same lies, different names, different times.

Eternity was nothing like she imagined it would be. It was never a promise of happiness, but rather a promise of loneliness. Heck, even promises faded with time, yet this followed her like a shadow. Even love failed to fill the hollow space she had in her heart. She stopped believing in good but did no evil. Indeed, she had the power to rewrite history, but that could endanger her life, even if she was at the edge of death. But hope can be a dangerous thing for a girl who has lived through an aeon, and it shone miraculously on a full moon night.

There was a particular book that caught her eye. The spine was slim, with a plain sapphire spread and a logo embedded on one of its ends. She perfectly remembers that a few days ago the book was not there and a certain someone is a fool enough to keep it among the books that have all scarlet bindings. But she should not let that bother her so much. Besides, she is here to read; read about how her lover turned against her, exchanged her to get a few coppers and silvers a century ago yet died at her hands. It was tragic, of course: to watch your beloved betray your love and trust, but ecstasy gushed into her veins when she killed him by burying her fangs into his neck, absorbing the life out of him.

At first, eternity was a boon, and now it is a bane. At first, killing was out of rage and now killing was the only way of survival. She took a few steps back from the family shelf of Tyburs, and stood in front of the Arlerts family shelf. For a minute, she let her fingers run through the books and halted at the sapphire one, which had the royal emblem of the kingdom. She took out the book, thinking it would not hurt to spare an hour or two, after all, she had all eternity.

It was a journal. The handwriting was neat and artsy. The front cover read, “my daily dose of dread.” What a child! She thought, but alas, she could not open the journal. She presumed that it was sealed with magic. And, just like the cascade, the emotions that she locked away when she buried her lover in a grave gushed in her body, through every vein, through each vein. She felt alive again.

The next day, y/n spent the whole day outside observing the humans in the town, gathering some intel. After two weeks, when night befell, she made her way where she wanted to be all this time, the library, the very palace where she loved to sneak in and read those great lies and laugh at the dead. She waited till she heard footsteps, to her surprise it was a boy of fifteen, the son of Duke Arlert. It has been almost a century since she had any human interaction. And now, a boy of fifteen with all the life ahead and innocence intact became alien to her. It thrilled her.

“Who are you?”, the boy asked with aimless, oceanic eyes that had the tragedy of the great Gatsby. She jolted, blinked and took a few steps forward, bowed down in front of the boy and whispered, “I’m the new cataloger, your highness.” And that day, a new friendship was born. Only the moon and the stars were the witness of it.

Unbelievable it seemed to her, for how Armin warmed up to her so quickly. Y/n used to wait for him during nighttime at one corner of the library till he would come to her. Gradually he learnt to use the loopholes in the rules of royal court just so he could hear stories from her, stories that were not written on any of the books, stories that talked about the origin of fairies and monsters. Some days Armin refused to go to his chambers just to hear such stories from her, some days he fell asleep in her lap while she was reading out stories to him. The very stories that he despised so much became engaging to him. He started to take interest in royal duties too.

Sometimes, Armin waited alone in that library but he never asked questions like, ‘Why do your eyes change color? How come I do not see you when I come during the day?’ He was kind to y/n, kinder than most people she had met, killed, or had to betray, but at the same time, those questions weighed heavy on her heart and died at the tip of her tongue whenever she came to visit Armin. As Armin grew up, her visits became less frequent. With all the agony and anger in him, Armin never bothered to ask why. Moreover, he didn't want to cease those pixelated visits from her, however fleeting they became, they belonged to him and only him.

On his twentieth birthday, y/n went to the main court to join the celebration, mostly at his request. Amongst so many souls you felt lifeless as if you were a sculpture. And then, you saw the boy of fifteen who has reached his peak of youth.

Armin still has those eyes of tragedy, that would tell you nothing except stories that never ended, stories that were abandoned by their auth,or or where the author had died before finishing it. But today, those blue eyes were not blue anymore. They were gleaming in hope and yearning as he watched you walking towards him surfing through the crowd.

Armin was sitting on the throne, with his cape flowing down past his ankles with the crown that sealed many fates of varied rulers. There was a line of visitors to meet him, you were one of them, just for today. Your turn came in “Happy birthday, your highness. Congratulations on your coronation. I wish you the very best of life.”, you uttered as you handed him the gift. He smiled. With a bow, you left his sight. That was it; nothing special happened. There were no secret smiles and stolen stares. It ended so soon, happened so fast that all you felt was remorse. But you did not let that linger on your mind since you knew that, late at night, when everyone would be asleep, Armin would come to visit you. He was not a creature of the night. You were. But it turned on you that very day when you waited for him till dawn.

A girl who had eternity started counting the days.

Four weeks and three days have passed yet Armin neither came for a visit to the library nor wrote about his days in his journal. You remembered how he told you that you should not read his journal, it’s personal, he said yet would sometimes read from that very journal, just some musings. A few days later, you could hear his name in waves and in whispers, that he conquered several kingdoms, that he won many wars, and perhaps would conquer the whole world. The entire kingdom rejoiced at his success, however, you could not. You missed him. You mourned a living person since he never wrote about such dreams in his journal. Maybe that person was long-lost, somewhere in the pages of the books that anyone no longer bothered to read.

After almost five years, Armin returned home. He had abandoned all sorts of hope to see her again. The only girl who could feel what he was thinking, the only girl who could see behind his eyes, and live in between his bedsheets. He had desired her day and night, at each passing moment, in every way a man could ever desire a woman. He remembers the feeling, the feeling that has always haunted him since childhood, people called it love while Armin could call it burning, burning with desire, yet remained lifelessly indifferent about it. True love, as they said, but Armin thought it was punishment.

He was on horseback with his sword tucked in his belt which was made of gold and silver. His mantle shrouded the armor, which had witnessed many battles and mishaps, and was embedded with rare gems and pearls carving his family emblem on the mantle spread. His blue eyes wandered everywhere, he looked every bit of regal he was.

His own home city felt foreign to him except her, except you, who stood young and beautiful amongst several bouquets of flowers receiving smiles and coins in exchange for said flowers in broad daylight. Even after five years, you look just the same; just like how he saw you that day on a full moon night for the first time. So many things to tell you, so many things to write in his journal yet all he could do was to watch you from a distance.

Armin dismounted from the horse, and a gust of wind swayed his hood off, revealing his blonde hair that kissed his shoulder blades. There he was, standing on the opposite side of the lane, with his right arm resting on his sword, his azure eyes locked on you while everything around you seemed to evaporate. When you shifted your gaze from the customers onto him, his lips took an upward curve and your heartbeats ceased to exist.

The lane between the two of you was filled with people that lead their life without being aware of the tragedies evoked by two distant souls. The dusk was approaching; the crimson sun rays fell short on them, for it witnessed two polar souls burn with desire for each other. It seemed like an endless twilight where only they could exist and none other. Armin took a step forward to cross the lane while all the flowers in the shop closed their petals as if they were to witness the greatest kiss of timeless love, but alas! Tragedy befell them.

It happened within a blink. When y/n opened her eyes, she watched Armin fall to his knees with a wound near his heart. The crowd became unruly; while everyone was fleeing from the scene your feet moved on their own to save him, to stop his bleeding, to do anything, anything at all that would save his life, but before you could barely cross half of the street, your senses betrayed you. It was such a mighty fall, for both of them.

“Oh! You’re awake?”, a bold voice, ruptured your eardrums that could still hear the screams of the locals. A finger traced your face as you opened your eyes, and you saw the face that you have mourned for so long, so silently, that you failed to realize the budding love at the bottom of your heart.

“Yo-you are okay?”, you gasped, blurted out in a hurry to check his wound. It was not there anymore. What actually happened back then?

“How can I not be?”Armin stated, taking a seat near you at the edge of the bed, “What was the last thing you remember, y/n?”, his fingers found their way irrevocably in between yours.

“... that you were bleeding. Everyone was running…to save …”, Armin placed his index on your lips saying, “I was wounded before I came to see you. I wanted to see you for the last time…”, he leaned against your forehead, continuing, “... but you, you y/n saved me.”

It must have been the power of love. A voice mocked the back of your head, but then Armin showed you a pendant; the very pendant that you gifted him on his coronation day. It was embedded with magic. It carried the untimely dead souls, people who departed before their time came.

“This. This has been saving me every time.”, Armin smiled looking at your astonished face.

“You knew about me? All this time?”, you asked, a little offended by the childish tantrum he pulled.

“Of course, love.”, he reported meekly before kissing your lips that he had been dying to taste. You moaned as he advanced his way, his hands palming your face. His touch was so tender and soft that it felt as if he was afraid to touch you, what if you break again?

You looked at him as your lips whispered, “Even before you touched me, I belonged to you, Armin. All you had to do was to look at me. I was right there, with you, the whole damn time.”

—

@tokyometronetwork

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bloompompom · 2 years

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Puzzles - Chapter 9

Completed, multi-chapter fic (9/24)

Pairing: eren jaeger x female reader

Want to start from the beginning? Find Chapter 1 here.

Word count: ~6.3k

Chapter summary: some quality time with sasha turns into a night out that's a bit more fun than you had anticipated.

Content warnings throughout this fic: explicit sexual content, explicit language, alcohol/drug use. reader discretion advised.

"I'm really stressing about this trip, Sasha."

Your words fell on deaf ears. You craned your neck to see what Sasha could possibly be doing. With her head buried in her closet, you watched her ponytail swing wildly. She tossed clothes every which way, continuing her search for whatever it was that she needed.

You let another moment pass. She still didn't say anything. When she finally turned around there was a proud smile on her face. She outstretched arms over her head and she held a skimpy, plum dress in her hands.

"Found ya," she said. She held the dress up to her body, posing for you in a variety of ways. "Do you think this will be cute for tonight?"

"Super," you said flatly.

She pouted when she saw your dulled expression. She looked like she was trying to remember what you were talking about, her eyes skirting around the ceiling. "What did you say again?"

You sighed, reluctant to speak if she was only going to half-listen. She set the dress down and sat on her bed beside you.

"I just don't think it's the best idea that I go on this trip." Your voice tapered off at the end of your sentence. You continued to dwell.

Mikasa had invited you to Eren's 'surprise' birthday excursion just the day before. She and Armin told you that they rented a cabin just a few hours north of here. They planned to spend a long weekend there, filled with all sorts of snowy activities and drinking – that you were sure of.

When she first told you about the event, you asked Mikasa, "Why did you say 'surprise' with air quotes?"

Her lips quirked into a smirk. "Because Eren sent us the information about the cabin and the exact days that worked for him."

"That sounds like him."

She laughed. "Anyway, there will at least be a hot tub."

Sasha interrupted your memory. "What do you mean? Of course you should come. You need to come. You and Eren are practically dating."

"We aren't dating!" The once-sheepish tone of your voice morphed into a near growl. It even surprised you. You shrunk. You were more sensitive on the subject than you wanted to be.

You didn't want to talk about Eren with anyone, not even Sasha. Something about telling her about your thing with Eren didn't feel right.

Perhaps it was the fact that she had known him for so long. She was familiar with all of the different parts of Eren, pieces that you were still trying to know. It would be like explaining the plot of a movie to someone who had already seen it. Really, it was just uncomfortable to think that she was watching you develop feelings for one of her best friends.

Truth be told, you found the whole experience mind-numbingly overwhelming. So rather than try to sort things out, you decided that it was easier to just label the time you shared with Eren as friendship. But that was becoming harder to do. Romantic feelings always seemed to sneak in, didn't they?

The way the two of you tip-toed around your feelings was a delicate dance. It only allowed for passing glimmers in which said feelings were acted upon. It was always Eren that tested the waters. That teasing way about him made it easy for him to do so. It was like he lived for those moments where you faltered over your words and became a flustered mess of a person.

You hated that he could do that to you. More than that, you hated the way it always just felt so right. All of those thoughtless moments made your heart flutter. It was those times that you could quite literally witness a change in Eren right before your eyes. Like the cooing way that he spoke to you in his bed, placing soft kisses down the length of your neck. In just a blink, you would see the intensity in his eyes switch to something different – something more gentle and indulgent. It made all of those interactions that you once deemed as friendly feel far more intimate than you previously believed.

You don't know how long I've wanted this.

Sasha waved her hand in front of you. She smiled to lighten the mood because you looked a bit disturbed. You shook your head like a wet dog, trying to shake off the moody thoughts.

"I think I heard something I wasn't supposed to hear," you said. "A conversation between you and Jean."

"Huh?" She contorted her face. "Am I missing something? I thought we were talking about Eren. What's this all about?"

The whole reason that you were so skeptical of this trip was because of Jean. Well, Jean and Eren. You were scared to be placed between the two of them. If they couldn't handle a measly game night then what was to be expected when they were shoved together in a cabin for a long weekend?

"I heard Jean talking to you in the kitchen about Eren. Something about Eren being all over me." You couldn't resist choosing the very words that Jean used. You even mimicked his annoyingly exaggerated tone. You sighed. "I don't want to cause any more issues, especially since it'll be Eren's birthday."

Sasha's eyes lit up. She must have remembered what Jean said. She waved off the thought. "Don't give it a second thought. That's just Jean being Jean."

"What does that even mean?"

"Jean and Eren have always had this weird, brotherly rivalry. It's nothing you did. They'll kiss and make up soon. They always do."

Rivalry, huh. The thought made you feel gross. "I'm not some silly prize for one of them to win."

"No! That's not what I meant." She grabbed you by the shoulders. Her grip was too tight, her fingers digging into your bones. "Look, Jean obviously has a thing for you. When he saw Eren gettin' all flirty and whatnot, well, I think it just brought out some of his insecurities."

You huffed, still feeling dissatisfied with her answer. Her words only proved that it was inevitable that a fight would erupt during the trip. You slouched at the thought.

Sasha's voice rang out in a sing-song tune. "I guess that's what happens when you're pretty. You just bring out the worst in guys."

You let out a reserved laugh, slightly embarrassed by the compliment.

The rest of your evening was spent in Sasha's tiny bathroom. The two of you bumped elbows back and forth while you made yourselves up.

Sasha crafted plans to meet at her place for a quick pre-game before going out to one of their favorite nightclubs. You had never been before, but you already had an image in your head of the spot because of all the stories you were told. The place practically lived in infamy at this point, each story sounding wilder than the last. Most of them ended with Sasha sharing the various locations where she got sick and who had the honor of holding back her hair.

Sasha saw the extra time you spent on your hair and makeup; the meticulous, borderline neurotic, way you didn't let a single thing look out of sorts. She could have sworn that you reapplied your lip gloss at least three times. It seemed like the perfect opportunity for her to step in. She always wanted to give you a movie montage of a makeover, after all.

With your face pressed up against the mirror while you applied your eyeliner, you didn't even notice that Sasha had left the bathroom.

"You should wear this tonight!"

You caught her out of the corner of your eye through the mirror. You looked over your shoulder and saw the dress she brought back with her. It was a simple, understated black dress. Its delicately thin straps hung loosely on the hanger she held.

"Trust me. It's much better than what you brought to wear."

"Hey–" you started to say.

"Eren won't be able to keep his hands off of you if you wear this."

You pulled a face. You ignored the comment and the dress, turning your attention back to your eyeliner.

She took a step closer to you, the sight of the dress now filling the mirror. She wasn't ready to let go of the subject. A bead of sweat begged to drip from your forehead and ruin your makeup. Was the bathroom hot all of a sudden?

"Armin told me that you stayed the night last week. In Eren's room."

Your hand slipped, smudging your eyeliner toward your temple.

"Fuck," you hissed under your breath. You knew it was only a matter of time before Armin's loud mouth spoke of that night like it was breaking news or something. Anchorman Armin, coming at you live to tell you about my friends' love lives.

You reached for a square of toilet paper and crumpled it up. You dabbed the tissue on your face. Your fingers felt shakier than before. God, why were you always so easily bothered lately?

"Did you guys hook up?" she asked.

You pressed your forehead into the mirror with a thud. The glass shuddered at the impact. "No, Sasha. We did not hook up." You picked your forehead back up and returned to cleaning off your eyelid. "I feel asleep. That's it. That's all that happened."

"So nothing happened?"

You spun around, ready to defend yourself. No words left your mouth, it just hung open. It didn't feel right to rebuke her question, knowing that something happened. Maybe not the something that she was imagining, but it was something.

"Well..."

"You don't have to tell me." She had a habit of interrupting you. She shoved the dress into your chest. The hanger almost knocked you in the face. You didn't have another choice but to take it from her. "But based on your reaction, you seriously should wear this tonight."

Sasha left the bathroom before you could say something and shut the door behind her. She rested her back against it, not letting you leave until she saw you all dolled up. You decided to go along with it and slipped out of your clothes. You stepped into the dress, one foot at a time. It was snug as you tugged the tiny piece of fabric up your body.

"You know," Sasha said from the other side of the door. "Armin said Eren's been acting differently lately."

You sucked in a breath when you pulled the dress up and over your chest. "Different?"

"I don't know." She drawled out each syllable. It was obvious that she was trying to play coy with you. You could practically hear the grin on her face. "Happier?"

Happier, you repeated in your head. What was that supposed to mean?

"I guess he's not hooking up with random chicks anymore," she said, somehow interrupting even your thoughts.

Hooking up with random chicks – was that a thing? If so, no one told you about that before. It was believable, just look at the guy. It didn't take a genius to guess that girls probably threw themselves at him all the time.

Sasha's words put an image in your head that made you feel nauseous. She didn't drop that line for just any reason. She was trying to get some sort of reaction out of you.

You tried not to sound invested when you asked, "That so?"

"Mhm." She laughed. "Not that he's some sort of ladykiller or anything. I think he just likes the attention. Anyway, Armin said he spends most of his nights alone now." She paused to snort. "Unless you're there, of course."

You mulled over her words, fingers running over your dress and smoothing it against your body. You didn't realize until now that it had a slit. It split up your side and showcased the skin of your right thigh. You pulled it down gently to not expose the hem of your underwear.

Your lack of response was eating away at Sasha. She wanted nothing more than to hear a little bit of gossip from you. Anything. She asked, "Maybe it has something to do with you?"

You rolled your eyes even though she couldn't see. It was a possibility, but you really didn't want to give yourself that much credit. If she had said this to you at any other point, you would have laughed in her face. But after the other night, your relationship with Eren was becoming a bit more complex, to put it lightly.

You stared at yourself in the mirror. The girl looking back at you looked gloomy through her pristinely painted face and fitted dress. She looked like a sad, little clown, trying her best to look the part of someone who had it together.

Even so, your reflection was striking, you could admit it. You had to hand it to Sasha – she knew what she was doing.

When you opened the door, you asked, "So, what do you think?"

"Oh, yeah. That's perfect." She tilted her head and looked you over. She grabbed your hand and forced you into a twirl. "Look at you, hot stuff!"

You laughed weakly. "I think I could really use a drink right about now."

Sasha met you down in the kitchen when she was dressed. She was wearing that dress she found in the back of her closet.

She opened the freezer and started to hunt for whatever alcohol she could find. She pulled out a half-empty bottle of tequila from the back. She carried it over and the ice that had accumulated on the forgotten bottle scattered across the floor. She dusted off the rest and set it on the counter. She found two shot glasses to join it.

You and Sasha tossed back two shots each. The second one was hard to keep down. It didn't take long for the alcohol to have its way with you. Its familiar warmth pooled in your gut and radiated through your legs. You didn't think it was possible to feel this hot in such a pathetic amount of clothing.

The usual suspects started to arrive shortly after. Just Jean and Connie first. The two of them claimed what was left of the tequila. Once that was finished off, more friends started to show up. More bottles accompanied the empty one. They slid across the counter and into whichever pair of hands could catch them first.

Eren arrived and all of those mushy-gushy, sickly-sweet feelings took over your tipsy body. You could nearly feel yourself back in his sheets, his cheek just under your fingertips, his warm breath meeting your own. You felt woozy from just the memory, or maybe it was those shots finally catching up with you.

Mikasa called Eren over. You watched him walk over to her on the other side of the counter. You felt yourself fawning over the fitted, grey t-shirt that he wore. You admired the way it clung to his arms for longer than you should.

Eren pretended to listen to Mikasa. Her face moved but he didn't hear a single thing. He could only hear her words from the other day. Though she eventually changed her tune, it was too late. He was already obsessing over the idea that he would find a way to screw everything up.

It nagged at him. So much so that it made it hard just to even talk to you. He just listened to your laugh. He really loved the way you giggled after just a few drinks. It was unrestrained. It was more like you.

He glanced over, trying to catch a glimpse of how stunning you looked. He soaked in every inch of you. You looked just as lovely as the night he first met you. It just made him want you even more.

Eren looked at Jean next, and he seemed to be thinking about you just the same. And while Eren was continuing to battle with his self-doubt, he knew that he would never forgive himself if he froze up and pushed you into Jean's arms.

Just the thought stirred up a possessiveness in him. He ditched his conversation with Mikasa to come over to you. Before he could say something, Armin called out your name and grabbed your attention.

Armin excitedly pulled his phone out and started to swipe through it. "Check this out!"

He extended the phone out to you, and you leaned into the tiny screen. "No way!" You took the phone into your hands to get a better look. It was the puzzle that the two of you finished. It was proudly displayed on his bedroom wall, just as he told you it would be. "You even got a frame and everything."

"Yeah, I did!" he said. You handed the phone back to him and he continued to gush about the project. You both laughed when you remembered how excruciating the task was. You thought it was never going to dry. That was only because you bought the wrong type of glue, and Eren tried to pick it up after only thirty minutes passed. It was a long day.

Speaking of Eren, he simply remained at your side while Armin chatted you up. You kept thinking that he would take the opportunity to jump in, but he was silent and finished his drink. He seemed all spaced out. So much for Sasha saying he was happier.

In reality, Eren – as usual – was causing his own demise. His rampant overthinking was spinning him in circles. It didn't help that he thought you looked actually perfect tonight.

His eyes kept wandering to your mouth as you talked, lingering on the lip gloss that you wore. You had no idea but the shade you wore was his personal favorite.

It was the sheer sort of gloss that you only needed one quick swipe of (or three, if you were being extra finicky about your appearance like earlier), then just a simple pat of your index finger to set it. Eren caught you putting it on once in the mirror and was transfixed by the sight. He watched the way the wand dragged over your bottom lip, and he wanted it to be his fingers.

The color was like you had just finished a cherry slushie, tinting just the innermost parts of your lips with a dewy shine. That just-sucked look. Like you had sharply bitten down on your lips after an exceptionally rough round of–

Eren found that his thoughts were meandering into the indecent zone whenever you were on his mind lately. It was starting to surprise even him. He wanted nothing more than to be around you in the most innocent of ways, even if it just meant sitting on his couch to watch a movie. But he couldn't deny that fucking you had been on his mind just as much.

It had been a while since he last got laid.

Eventually, someone called for a ride. The car was just large enough for the seven of you to pile into. You sat in the very back with Sasha and Mikasa. Connie, Jean, and Armin squeezed into the second row just in front of you. And what a sight it was. Connie and Jean bickered for seats like children, forcing Armin to take the middle seat.

Eren sat in the passenger's seat. You watched him make small talk with the driver. His charm was evident even in the few sentences he and the driver shared. Funny how he could talk to the driver tonight but not you.

It was an unseasonably warm Saturday, the perfect setting for a night of dancing and drinking. Approaching the entrance, you noticed the yellow string lights that sparkled along the side patio. The light cast over the crowd, bodies swaying together to the blaring music. The whole sight was almost picturesque.

Your friends all scattered in different directions when you got inside. You stood idly, unsure of what to do next. A hand rested against the small of your back.

"Let's go get a drink." You recognized Eren's voice. He spoke into your ear. Something about his honeyed tone made you take a hard breath in through your nose.

"I thought you were just going to ignore me all night," you said. You looked up and over your shoulder to see him roll his eyes at you.

Eren guided you to the bar, his hand never leaving you. He leaned forward and rested his elbows on the bar counter. It didn't take long for him to catch the attention of the bartender. He was cute and so was she. It just makes sense.

"Two shots of Jägermeister," he said. He tossed his arm around your shoulder and pulled you up against him. You could smell his cologne when he pressed his cheek into the top of your head. Fresh, maybe herbal. "And whatever she wants."

The bartender didn't look as interested in you. Oh, well. You ordered a whiskey sour. When she left to make the drinks, you turned to Eren and said, "Jägermeister. I see what you did there." He flashed a cheeky grin at you. "Two of them, too. Bad day or something?"

"I didn't say they were both for me."

You sighed at the implication, mouth already watering – and not in a good way – just at the thought of taking another shot. You were already standing on tingling legs, but it wasn't fair to blame it solely on the alcohol. Eren tended to have the same effect on you.

The bartender returned. She set the glasses on the counter and Eren handed his card over to pay. You glared at the small glass that was filled to the brim. You reluctantly picked it up.

Eren extended his glass out to yours. "Cheers."

"Cheers to what?"

You regretted asking the question when you noticed Eren give you a once-over look. His lips took the shape of a dastardly grin. "To how good you look in that dress."

Thank you, Sasha.

On the inside, you wanted to scream. Outside, you simply shrugged. You smiled a bit, trying to play cute, still screaming internally. You clinked your shot glasses together. "I guess I can drink to that."

You felt your face wince with disgust when the vile taste carved its way down your throat. You heard Eren laugh as he watched you. When you opened your eyes again, Eren was standing closer to you than before. He brought his hand to your face. His thumb passed over the cover of your mouth where a small dribble of liquor had collected. He noticed the hint of your lip gloss that was left on his finger.

That familiar, rapid change in Eren happened again. His once-emboldened expression now melted into something that was far more affectionate. You thought he might just kiss you.

Your name was called out. You turned to see Sasha running toward you. Her hand flew out and took hold of your forearm. "We have to dance! This is my favorite song!"

You barely snatched your drink in time before she pulled you away. She tugged you all the way to the dance floor, shoving past the crowd to find an open spot.

She took your hands, carelessly swinging your arms around as she started to dance – if you could even call it that. She had the goofiest smile on her face. You couldn't help but laugh and join in on her little so-called dance. You laced your arms together, and you were careful to hold your drink out so it didn't spill down her back.

All of the people around you made it hard to stay in one spot. You found yourselves being pushed every which way. When you were near the edge of the crows, you spotted a familiar trio sitting at a table across the way. From what you could make out, Armin and Mikasa looked lost in conversation. Eren looked blank, just like he did at Sasha's house. His elbow was pressed into the table, hand cupping his cheek.

The music was louder somehow. You felt the bass thump in your chest. You continued to stare at Eren, thinking he would notice, but it was like he was staring past you. It bothered you. You spent all that time, put on this silly dress, to try and impress him just for him to pout in the middle of the club. There was no way you were going to let him sit there all night.

Eren snapped out of whatever funk he was in when he saw you strutting over. You curved your lips into a smile when his eyes caught yours. A bit tipsy and unable to control your momentum, you bumped into his knees, stopping just before falling on top of him.

You rested your hands onto his thighs for support, leaning in close and bringing your face to his ear. It was far too loud for him to hear you otherwise. "Come dance with me."

He recoiled and his eyes widened in horror. It was a look that you had never seen on his face before. You could have laughed. "No way," he said.

To be honest, he spent the last twenty minutes thinking of ways to come up to you. None of them involved dancing. That was the last thing he wanted. Sure, it sounded good in theory, but not with all these people – not to mention, his friends – around.

You grabbed onto Eren's hands and gave them a squeeze. "Please, Eren. What? Are you scared?"

Yeah, a bit, he thought. Mikasa and Armin laughed. Eren shot them a look over his shoulder. His face was mixed with panic and irritation.

"Just go," Mikasa said. She shoved his arm. "Let loose for once."

Eren looked as if he was weighing out his options in his head. He looked over to Armin next, thinking his friend might back him up. Armin subtly gestured his head in your direction. Eren could tell Armin was trying to remind him of the conversation they had the other day.

With a dramatic huff of air, Eren knocked back the rest of his drink and stood up. You felt giddy, shuffling in your spot before dragging him away by the hand. He followed behind you, almost tripping over his own feet. You glanced back to check on him, and he simply shook his head at you with a tight-lipped smile. His eyes carried a twinkle of at least some amusement.

The crowd had swallowed up most of what room was left to dance. It was much easier for your smaller frame to cram through the people as compared to Eren. Once you found just enough room, you turned to face him. He looked uncertain so you gave his hand another squeeze.

Just before you could start to dance, your ears perked up at the familiar tune that started to play. The delicate harp of Telephone started to fill the dance floor.

"Oh my god, I love this song," you said. You felt nostalgic as Lady Gaga's voice transported you back to being a preteen again.

Already multiple shots deep, you started to lip-sync to the song to Eren, dancing around as if you were acting out each lyric. He was completely at a loss as to why he was even here if you were doing the whole song-and-dance thing on your own. Even so, he finally started to crack, laughing when you shimmied up against him.

You spun around and your eyes locked onto Sasha. Both of your eyes were filled with exuberance, each pulled back into your childhood together. The two of you had choreographed a dance to this song and would frequently perform it for your parents when they would pick you up from playdates.

Sasha shot her arm out at you, her index finger directed at your face like a laser, her shoulder bouncing to the beat. She was already lip-syncing just as intently as you were. Her eyebrows were furrowed in that face that all girls make when they are about to break out in the most horrendous dance move you could imagine.

You pretended to cast a fishing line out and, of course, she went with it. She hopped her way over to you, and you pulled her into your arms when she crashed into you. The two of you embarrassingly busted out all the moves you created all those years ago. It was entirely out of sync. Whenever you forgot a part of the dance you would do your best to improvise, waltzing around in a weird mess of the robot and some intermittent disco points. Those were your go-to dance moves whenever you had a bit too much to drink.

Without a single clue as to what was going on, Eren watched you two scream-sing into each other's faces. You would surely not have a voice by the morning if you kept this up. Eren laughed once more, loud enough for both you and Sasha to hear.

You both turned your attention to him at the exact same moment. You both bopped around him, extending your hands out like microphones for him to sing. He didn't, obviously. He just shook his head, still laughing just as hard as the two of you were. You and Sasha tugged on his arms to get him to join you but ended up just dancing on either side of him. It made him look like the luckiest guy in the world. That, or more likely, like he was being held hostage by two maniacs.

When the song was over, you noticed some guy making eyes at Sasha. You weren't sure what he could have possibly found attractive about the show you both put on, but it must have worked like some sort of mating ritual. She looked at you for approval to go with him, and she looked absolutely overjoyed. You playfully shoved her away and almost into his arms before they melted into the crowd together.

"That was something," Eren said with a grin.

"What?" You couldn't hear him. He repeated himself. You still didn't hear it. You yanked him closer to you and smirked up at him. "You're going to have to speak up!"

He chuckled once more. He still wasn't dancing – the only guy on the entire floor that wasn't. You rolled your eyes and let go of him. You backed away just a bit to dance on your own.

The song was a change of pace from the last. It was the sort of beat that was begging you to find someone to grind up against. You started to dance a bit, slowly, rolling your hips back and forth as you found your rhythm. Eren's eyes were on you, like you were putting a show on just for him.

One of his hands finally took hold of your own and maneuvered you into a spin. A half-spin of some sort. Before you could turn around completely, your back was pressed up against his chest. Blindly, you reached around for his hands and placed them on either side of you. They slid to your hips, gently pushing down to get you to start rocking them. Without hesitation, you started to dance against him, completely giving into how natural it felt.

As you leaned against him further, you rolled your head back into his chest. His hand left your hips to push a loose lock of hair from your neck, exposing your delicate skin. His fingers traced just below your ear and down to your shoulder. You closed your eyes when his breath tickled your skin, the scent of alcohol and him filling your nose.

"See? You're not so shy," you said to him, a suggestive tone dripping from each word. You separated your back from Eren's chest, bending over slightly and pressing up against his pelvis. You had a feeling that was enough to drive him wild.

You were right. Two of his fingers walked up from your side and to your lower back. He flattened his palm against you, lightly pushing you down further. You followed his request, angling even lower in front of him. Your hips started to circle slowly to the beat once more, your back arching each time you pressed into him. His hands found your thighs, nearly rugging your dress with them as he made his way up your body.

"You're not so shy either," he said in a low chuckle.

The sound, the sweat-filled air, Eren's desirous touches. It was a lot. There wasn't a single coherent thought in that pretty, little head of yours. You couldn't go another second without seeing him. You whirled around on your feet, wobbling on your heels and more or less crashing into his chest. You took his biceps (the very biceps you hadn't stopped thinking about since you first saw him that night) into your hands and gently rubbed his skin as you pulled yourself closer.

You shifted your weight to your toes to reach his face. His hands clutched your cheeks. In seconds, you were kissing. Your gasp was quickly devoured by Eren. You could feel the hunger emerging from his chest and flowing into you. You tugged onto his shirt sleeves for support. His muscles stiffened when you dug your nail into his skin.

Neither of you pretended to dance at this point, but your bodies melodically swayed, both entirely lost in the moment. His hands dropped your face and started to search your body, finally settling to grip your waist tightly. His touch was needy, like he wanted to pick you up right then and carry you away. You would have let him.

When you stepped back to catch your breath, it was clear that you were both left unsatisfied. Eren's heavy eyes glossed over you before grabbing onto your wrist tightly. The two of you were off the dance floor in an instant. Your head was clouded, and you couldn't be bothered to dodge the bodies you bounced off of while Eren dragged you behind him.

You were snapped from your haze by the clicking sound of a lock. You were now placed in the middle of a single-occupancy restroom. Eren turned to face you, and you could feel the impatience emitting from him with each of his steps. You were suddenly hyper-aware of your body – the trembling in your shallow breaths, the growing stutter of your heartbeat. It was only intensified by Eren's darkened expression.

His mouth met yours with a frightful degree of desperation. Away from peering eyes, Eren was much more fervent. He could finally hold you in all the ways he only imagined before.

Your already flimsy breaths quickened. Both of your movements were becoming more frantic by the second. Your hands roamed the sides of his body for any sense of stability. You stumbled backward together until your body was shoved into the sink. The impact caused your back to arch, and you instinctively reached behind you to grip it for support. Eren grabbed at the backs of your thighs and lifted you with ease. He set you on the basin before him, driving past your knees, and settled himself as far between your legs as your tight dress allowed.

You felt him pressed up against your center, and it was enough to draw a whimper from you. Your sounds only emboldened Eren further. He pawed at the flesh of your thighs. Your lips left his so you could start to kiss his neck. You made your way from the collar of his shirt to the back of his ears. He let out a low groan when you started to nibble at his lobe.

He dragged your dress up toward your stomach. You ignored the sound of a few ripped seams. His fingers felt cold against your bare torso. It caused you to shudder. It was just enough of a shock to let reality sneak in. You untangled yourself from his grasp.

"Eren," you murmured. You held onto this face with both hands, your lips close enough to almost brush against each other. You watched his eyelids flutter open. "Not here."

He sighed. It wasn't with disappointment. He just was faced with the same abrupt realization. The setting was less than ideal for this. All you could focus on now was the heavy music in your chest, the arguing voices from behind the door, and the stench of stale liquor and cigarettes.

"You're right," he said.

You let go of his face and placed your hands on your thighs. You continued to stare at one another, the rise and fall of your chests slowly matching in pace. His thumb swiped over your wettened bottom lip. There was nothing left of the lip gloss you previously wore. He quickly swiped his wrist over his mouth in case there was any left on him.

Eren helped you down from the sink. You gave your dress a quick look-see to make sure it was still in one piece. He kindly smoothed out the rustled hemline and pulled it back into place.

When your eyes met, you saw that his once-carnal gaze was replaced with a doting look. He tilted his head to admire you, a half smile appearing on his face when he tucked a piece of hair behind your ear. He wrapped his hand around yours and said, "Let's get going."

Eren swung the bathroom door open without any hesitation. He didn't even consider the possibility that two people leaving together would be quite the sight. Or maybe he just didn't care. You held onto his arm tightly when you noticed all of the judgy looks from passersby. You kept your head down and trusted Eren to escort you along.

You only looked up once you had left the immediate area of the bathroom. You soon spotted Mikasa and Armin near the entrance. Once you were just a few steps away, you could just barely hear Mikasa ask, "Where did you guys go?"

"We were just dancing," Eren said with a shrug. His tone was not very convincing.

She felt a twinge of happiness seeing the awestruck look in Eren's eyes that even he couldn't mask. Her thin lips molded into a modest smile.

Your cheeks burned at her amusement. It felt like you had been caught red-handed with your fists in a cookie jar. You were instantly aware of how closely you clung to Eren with both of your hands wrapped around his arm. You released him from your grasp and just about shoved him away.

Mikasa's eyes shifted between you and Eren. "Come on, you two. I'll call our ride."

Previous Chapter | Next Chapter

#eren jeager x reader #eren yaeger x reader #eren x reader

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uchiha-7thsingularity · 7 months

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AoT Final Ending (Part 2)

2. Continued:

a.) Annie I was okay if she lived because she had a simple goal. Get back to her dad and like Eren she wanted to complete her promise. And she was like only used at the end and only for season 1 so I had no attachment to her character.

b.) And like I said in my last post about Mikasa and Eren farewell was creepy for some, but I think it showed Ymir to let go and break the curse. Here's another thing I want to point out is that I had thought this could have been avoided if Ymir had simply killed the king in the beginning but oh well plot.

c.) Now the alternative two scenarios I had in mind. First Eren just killing the 80% of humanity he promised which is fucked up I know but I can see it playing out and being a better ending.

d.) Or Eren dying but listen to this..... instead this is how it plays out:

Yeagerist infiltrate Marley and find Zeke's spinal fluid.

Survey corps spy and kidnap inventors like cars and nuclear weaponists to interview or investigate them.

Historia sending personal assassins to collect the Marley's rich and world leaders.

Having Eren destroy the tree so nobody can have the titan power in the future except historia and her descendants.

Historia should have had a baby with Eren or Armin because she could have passed down the founding titan or colossal titan to her descendants in case of future warfare. In addition, she would have the founding titan to see into the future and make sure no one else will hurt Eldian's again. Here why...my next point

If Eren had only used one of the walls of titans (cause releasing all the wall titans was overkill like Armin said) he could have wiped out everyone just as much as destroying all the military bases and armies. While destroying the tree and leaving the wall defenses (aka the wall titans for historia to control or descendants in case of an emergency)

Eren power {founding titan power} we know eren can see into the past to future. We know he can only speak to eldians which he could have erased their minds completely or told them the whole truth. I do agree with wiping out all the nine titans but the founder. And to break the curse like I said was to kill Eren so Ymir could move on. Of course, Marley will still hate the eldians that would never change.

For example, "if any Marley fuck with us we will start another rumbling again if needed so back the fuck off and we good" basically is what historia should have told the entire world after killing Eren and inheriting the founding titan. Also, the Marley would never know fully about the extent of the titan's power or if they can replace the wall titans after using some. Plus having Zeke's spinal fluid as a backup threat just in case if someone infiltrated to kill the founding titan they would be killed when forced to transform so to keep people at bay. A fucked up ending or way to preserve the island but necessary in my mind.

Then again at the end of the story it would have showed Armin after a four-year time skip and the eldians living their peaceful lives. Yes, war is still going on but their dealing with it the best they can to spread the word of peace and where the wall was broken should be a gate to go in and out as they please to see the world. It should have been Armin looking out beyond their home and back at the gate and saying, "See you later Eren or we finally got peace for now." A still bittersweet ending with the same message but still clears everything up a bit.

Again, this was just a scenario I thought of and wanted to share my final thoughts on the ending. No matter what I still enjoyed the story.

#attack on titan #eren yeager #mutual respect #aot ending #opinion #criticism

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hamliet · 3 years

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Unless a Grain of Wheat Falls and It Dies...

Or, why I am pretty optimistic about the fates of Jean, Connie, Gabi, and all titanized people this chapter, which is also an excuse for me to talk about SnK’s allusions to Russian literature.

There are strikingly parallel ideas The Brothers Karamazov and Attack on Titan, as well as parallel plot points and imagery to the point where if it isn’t deliberate, it’s uncanny. (NB: before people yell at me about comparing a Japanese and Russian work, Isayama has used Russian names since the start of SnK--Shiganshina is a Russian name.) In particular, there are narrative allusions to a portion of the novel known as “The Grand Inquisitor,” which is a short story within a novel. The central thesis of “The Grand Inquisitor” is as follows:

nothing has ever been more insupportable for a man and a human society than freedom.

This parable is told within the story by Ivan Karamazov, a character whose intellectuality is his gift and his curse. He tells his brother Alyosha that the motivation for creating this parable is precisely the evils done to children (oh look, a major SnK theme) and specifically cites an example which was unfortunately taken from real life in Russia and which Isayama has an uncanny parallel:

I want to see with my own eyes the hind lie down with the lion and the victim rise up and embrace his murderer. I want to be there when every one suddenly understands what it has all been for. All the religions of the world are built on this longing, and I am a believer. But then there are the children, and what am I to do about them? That's a question I can't answer... If all must suffer to pay for the eternal harmony, what have children to do with it, tell me, please? ... if it is really true that they must share responsibility for all their fathers' crimes, such a truth is not of this world and is beyond my comprehension. Some jester will say, perhaps, that the child would have grown up and have sinned, but you see he didn't grow up, he was torn to pieces by the dogs, at eight years old...

... How are you going to atone for them? Is it possible? ... What do I care for a hell for oppressors? What good can hell do, since those children have already been tortured? ... I want to forgive. I want to embrace. I don't want more suffering. And if the sufferings of children go to swell the sum of sufferings which was necessary to pay for truth, then I protest that the truth is not worth such a price. ... too high a price is asked for harmony; it's beyond our means to pay so much to enter on it... It's not God that I don't accept, Alyosha, only I most respectfully return Him the ticket.”

The actual parable of “The Grand Inquisitor” is Ivan’s answer to Alyosha’s question about Ivan’s lines above. Ivan tells a story about how freedom is actually what dooms humanity: it is the curse. (Alyosha does not believe this.) Jesus comes back to earth and is promptly arrested, because his existence and return threaten the wellbeing of society. To be happy, one cannot be free, but one or two strong people in society should be free and bear the burden for everyone else (you can see the parallels to King Fritz/the Reisses).

Nothing is more seductive for man than his freedom of conscience, but nothing is a greater cause of suffering... all his life he loved humanity, and suddenly his eyes were opened, and he saw that it is no great moral blessedness to attain perfection and freedom, if at the same time one gains the conviction that millions of God's creatures have been created as a mockery, that they will never be capable of using their freedom...

This is SnK’s thesis: to be free, there will be suffering. It is part of human nature, and yet to not have it is to be lost. But SnK, despite its explorations of human darkness and monstrosity, has a higher view of humanity than does Ivan. SnK’s view is more alongside Alyosha’s, who says what is honestly the truth about not just the Reisses, but Eren now:

"Who are these keepers of the mystery who have taken some curse upon themselves for the happiness of mankind? .... It's simple lust of power, of filthy earthly gain, of domination—something like a universal serfdom with them as masters—that's all they stand for.”

Mikasa is akin to the Christ figure in the story, akin to Alyosha: Christ is constantly asked to speak, asked to act, and he does not until the very last moment, when he kisses the Grand Inquisitor on the lips. After the story is over, Alyosha then does likewise to Ivan.

Not to mention when Alyosha worries about Ivan’s mental state, he then answers with this:

“Listen, Alyosha,” Ivan began in a resolute voice, “if I am really able to care for the sticky little leaves I shall only love them, remembering you. It's enough for me that you are somewhere here, and I shan't lose my desire for life yet.”

A simple leaf can save a life. A leaf can save the world. A leaf, grown from a tree that started as a seed falling to the ground, dead, only to grow life from that death. Alyosha himself notes SnK’s central thesis of chapter 137 in the (very long) novel’s final pages:

...some good, sacred memory, preserved from childhood, is perhaps the best education. If a man carries many such memories with him into life, he is safe to the end of his days, and if one has only one good memory left in one's heart, even that may sometime be the means of saving us.

There’s a lot more to this, but this is the epigraph to The Brothers Karamazov, the central thesis of the entire novel:

"Verily, verily, I say unto you, except a corn of wheat fall into the ground and die, it abideth alone: but if it die, it bringeth forth much fruit." -John 12:24

Suffering can grow great fruit in an individual life, and by giving something up, by even death, something beautiful can come. Through cruelty, you can find life.

This is not just a long-running theme in SnK, but a pattern in its plot. Often those who surrender then receive exactly what they had surrendered (but admittedly, not always, like Erwin).

Mikasa accepted Eren’s loss, and got him back.

Mikasa let Armin go, and got him back.

Falco gave up hope of survival, and got another chance:

Hange was going to die alone, feeling guilty for having failed her comrades, but saw everyone again, and they told her well done:

Historia gave up being free, but now we know she will be.

Levi gave up on his revenge, and then got it. Annie thought she would never see her dad again, but she did. For Mikasa, accepting that she has to kill the boy she loves coincides not just with her acceptance of her love, but with the acceptance and knowledge that he loves her:

It always comes with sacrifice, increasingly hard sacrifice, but usually the seeds that are dropped grow and bloom.

This chapter, everyone surrendered their hearts. They let their dreams fall to the ground, and I honestly think the story will allow it to plant life. Yes, the world as a whole is saved and that is enough to make thematic sense, but it works even better if the very people who were titanized this chapter also bloom again. They chose to trust Mikasa, Levi, Falco, and Pieck to finish the task.

The characters giving up their lives only to get them back make sense, and give Mikasa’s sacrifice of Eren. For Mikasa, Eren was her world, and she gave it up when she had lost everyone else. She had nothing left, and she still did it. I would hope she’d be narratively rewarded beyond just the world being saved, because Mikasa has always been motivated by her personal relationships.

Moving on from Mikasa: Connie’s mom has been kept alive and the concept of turning mindless titans back to humans was already brought up specifically in relation to her:

Connie giving up on his mother a dozenish chapters ago only to get her back now--not through sacrificing a child, but through saving the entire world--would fit the themes and patterns of SnK.

Thirdly, Gabi should not die. She’s Eren with positive development, and cannot meet the same end. Even people who are skeptical of every titan being saved seem to agree that she’ll be fine. It’s possible she’s the only one saved, but imo, not likely.

See, the only shifter characters who are going to have the option of self-sacrifice are Falco and maaaaaybe Armin. The others look like they’re about to die right here and now, never mind choosing someone to save: the mindless titans are ripping at their napes. Armin also looks to be in bad shape.

Yet Armin cannot narratively commit suicide; two chapters ago he was still screaming at himself for being useless and thinking he would be better off dead. He’s already tried the heroic sacrifice, too, so why would it work this time around? It does not work for his arc. Falco dying for Gabi was the plan without any freedom from the titan curse; it’s more powerful if ending the curse changes things, rather than forcing him to make the same choice that Reiner has always been trying to make: a heroic suicide. It could happen; it’s just not as narratively strong.

As for whether the worldbuilding rules, we know that mindless titans are not truly dead nor entirely mindless; they just don’t have freedom. Ymir’s case of getting herself back after decades shows that they aren’t quite dead or absorbed. They still have consciousness that can be awoken; Ymir described it as being in a long “nightmare.” Dina still went looking for Grisha. Connie’s mom remembered and recognized Connie, telling him “welcome home.” There is plenty of evidence that there are parts of these people that are still in there even if they are forced to become monsters (oh hey, it’s an Eren parallel; he was conscious of it and had choices while mindless titans do not, but the parallel remains).

#snk 138 #snk meta #aot 138 #aot meta #mikasa ackerman #eremika #eren jaeger #armin arlert #the brothers karamazov #gabi braun #connie springer #jean kirchstein #ymir #falco grice #galco #reiner braun #annie leonhart #levi ackerman #historia reiss

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blushing-titan · 3 years

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My reasons to ship Erehisu

About two weeks ago, I got an anonymous ask that reads:

what made you ship erehisu? I don't ship anyone in the series (and defo not eremika lol) and I want to understand the reasons

...but when I tried to answer it on my app, it turned out that I can only post 10 pictures per post, so I decided to make a longer, regular one with my thoughts on this topic 😄 Erehisu remains one of my favorite ships in the series (...with the other ones being Yumi/hisu and Levi/han), so I really enjoy talking about it (...well, at least I did, before I started moving away from the series after that mess of a finale). Without further ado, my reasons to ship Erehisu are under the cut (just a quick warning: the pictures are obviously not mine, and there are some anti-eremika themes in this post).

They had an actual developement

As we know: in the beginning, Historia was pretending to be this good, selfless girl Krista. Later on, we learn that Eren was not particularly fond of her façade (...keep in mind he was the only person who noticed that she was acting off, too - obviously excluding Ymir, who was Historia's closest person and knew about her secret). As Historia chooses to embrace her identity and stop pretending, his opinion on her changes - he reassures her and appreciates the real Historia.

You’re just normal. Just a normal girl who’s absurdly honest. (Eren, ch. 54)

Eren...that day...the time you called me...normal. That made me really...happy. (Historia, ch. 65)

Later on, after Historia saves Eren in the Reiss cave, his thoughts on her change even further. There isn't just something that he likes about her anymore - instead, he starts to actually admire her strength and actions.

(ch. 68)

(ch. 70)

Even further on, he prioritizes her safety and hides an important piece of information that could help Paradis' cause - only because it could potentially put Historia in harm's way.

(ch. 89)

(ch. 90)

(ch. 106)

Keep in mind that there was a time skip in between these chapters, which means Eren kept this secret for years. He hid it even from Armin and Mikasa. After it's finally revealed, he strongly disagrees with, and fights against Historia becoming a titan for the sake of the island. Eren’s sentiment towards Historia is even noticed by Hanji on a few different occasions - it’s something that Hanji brings up while questioning him, later on.

(ch. 107)

Eren also meets Historia in secret, warns her of danger, and downright doesn't let her sacrifice herself - even when she assures him that she's ready to do it.

(ch. 130)

She's also one of the only people with whom he shares the information about the rumbling. He also brings up her own words that she said to him back in the Reiss cave.

(ch. 130)

I believe he doesn't fight for her just because she's one of his friends. It's a natural progression that comes from the shared experience they had in the Reiss cave. Eren got to know and appreciate the real Historia, so whenever she reverts back to the Krista persona, he's there to remind her that she should live for herself and don't let others use her - just like Ymir told her, and just like Historia told him in the Reiss cave. When Eren stands up for Historia in ch. 107 and blatantly refuses to let her get sacrificed, she's actually touched to the point of tearing up.

Their relationship changes and deepens with time, and it's actually shown in the manga - not just as symbols or small hints, but actual, full-fledged conversations/actions. In my opinion, this should be the base of any well-estabilished ship. We have quite a few one-on-one moments with these two that illustrate this progression. There are also panels in which we can peak into Eren's thoughts on Historia, which makes for an unfiltered source of his opinions on her.

They can relate to each other

Something I find really important as well is that Eren and Historia can find each other very relatable, and therefore - understand each other's struggles better.

Both were used by their fathers, and both caused their demise. Both were fiercely protected by someone. Both felt like the world would be better without them, at some point. Both had a big role to play, despite having doubts if they can do it right (Eren, being humanity's titan; Historia, being the queen). Both wanted to sacrifice themselves for their people's sake - and both intervened, saving each other from actually going through with this decision.

Their relationship is well-balanced

Eren and Historia don't clash when it comes to their personalities. As their relationship grows, they mutually admire, protect and motivate each other, while still remaining two separate characters - with their own goals and traits. They freely talk to each other about their struggles; they also care about each other’s actual feelings on them.

(ch. 54)

(ch. 70)

I can easily see them as partners, which is something I've always had troubles with when it comes to EM. It's just hard not to make this comparison, since Mikasa's character has always been pretty much fully centered around Eren, which - in my eyes - made their relationship look unbalanced and toxic. I've already spoke about my issues with EM in depth in this post, so I won't elongate this one with repeating the same arguments - still, one of the reasons I started shipping Erehisu in the first place is the fact that I immediately saw it as a much more normal, healthy, and well-balanced alternative to EM.

Parallels and relevance to the story’s themes

Parallels are something that, for some reason, make a lot of people mad. I have no idea why - these things appear in the manga, so why not talk about them?

Aside from parallels between Eren and Historia (...please, keep in mind that I didn’t list all of them in this post), there are also a lot of obvious parallels between Historia and the founder Ymir - to the point, when the entire Requiem der Morgenröte ending revolves around this theme:

youtube

I've also already spoke about how Ymir/Historia parallels could possibly be tied to Eren in this answer.

(Historia on the cover of vol. 16/Ymir in ch. 122)

Aside from that, there are a few subtle Grisha/Dina and Eren/Historia parallels, as well. Historia is a royal, hiding as a regular person - just like Dina did, before joining the revivalists. Dina also tears up when Grisha stands up for Eldians, just like Historia does when Eren stands up for her.

(ch. 68)

(ch. 86)

(ch. 67)

(ch. 86)

(ch. 56)

(ch. 86)

(ch. 107)

(ch. 86)

Quite interestingly, in a lot of these parallels Historia and Eren act in an opposite way as to previous generations. While Frida teaches Historia to be a good, selfless girl, Historia ends up abandoning this persona to save herself and Eren in the Reiss cave. She doesn’t want to devote herself to fate - instead, she’s prepared for a showdown with it. While the founder Ymir’s children are ordered to eat their own mother to ensure her power’s succession (...and a few hundred years later, Grisha fights to return the founder’s power back to his wife - Dina), Eren does everything he can to ensure Historia and her children are safe and never even titanised in the first place.

As the story unfolds, we learn about it’s leading themes - some of which are: oppression and fighting for freedom, desire to change history, the mechanism of circle of hate, and how it affects children who are a part of it. In my eyes, Erehisu just perfectly fit with these themes, especially considering how later on Historia’s pregnancy was handled in the manga.

There were countless ways to answer the who’s the father question? immediately, without even starting up conversation about it - for example, I don’t understand why it was needed to bring up the fact that Historia didn’t marry the farmer in the first place. What was it’s purpose, aside from stirring up theories - especially considering how in the last chapter it’s revealed that they are married, after all? Why end up the Eren/Historia flashback on the What do you think about me having a child? question, when the whole conversation they had beforehand was literally about Eren disagreeing with Historia wanting to get pregnant just to save herself? It doesn’t make sense, and led me (and many other readers - judging from opinions I read online and chapter reactions on youtube) to belive that there were other reasons, and that there was more to this conversation then was initially shown.

If the conclusion to this plotline was always supposed to be that she got pregnant just to save herself...then what was this mysterious built-up for? Why show this conversation in the first place, and in such a weird manner, too? Why not have Historia just say it out loud in ch. 130: yes, I got pregnant to save myself in the beginning, and spare us this whole I will not allow it talk...you know, instead of ending the conversation on the What do you think about me having a child? when the whole previous talk was about Eren fighting against it? Where’s the logic?

The truth is - from my perspective, Erehisu had a lot of logical build up that would benefit the story, and stay true to it’s already established themes and both characters’ previous developement. On top of that, I also think they simply had great chemistry.

That’s all from me today 😄 I apologize you had to wait so long for this, anon...life got in the way, and as I said - I think I’m just getting over this series. Hope you’re doing well anyway 😊

#erehisu #erekuri #eren x historia #SnK Spoilers #snk shipping #snk rant #anti eremika #aot 139 #aot spoilers #attack on titan #snk manga #historia reiss #eren jeager #shingeki no kyojin

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xiaongh · 3 years

Text

[ early gossip. ]

➤ pairing: levi x fem!reader

➤ cw’s: suggestive - mentions of make up and angry sex, eren doesn’t knock, cursing, reader is 5′7, levi get’s embarrassed, the scouts goofing around, hange teases levi and reader, crackfic (?).

➤ summary: connie and jean dared eren to walk into levi’s bedroom without knocking. what they saw shocked them all, and word got around about what happened.

➤ w. count: 2k+

➤ request by anon: hey bestie, can i request a crackfic for aot. basically the scouts are dared to enter levi's bedroom and they see his fem s/o cuddling him, but they were sleeping and they didn't know that levi was a little spoon. and they end up waking them up. the rest is up to you bestie !

➤ a/n: PLEASE THIS WAS A SHIT TON OF FUN TO WRITE. YOURE WELCOME BESTIE AND I HOPE YOU LIKE IT. <3 gif isn’t mine. takes place when historia is going to be the queen, so season three-ish.

“i’m not doing shit! captain levi will have my head! if you really want to see what it looks like in there go do it yourself, i’m staying put here,” eren was getting nervous at what jean and connie dared him to do.

like any group of teenagers, they stayed up all night, talked and played games. they had just started playing truth or dare when jean and connie both dared eren to walk into levi’s bedroom without knocking.

“what, you’re gonna be a pussy, jaeger?” jean teased. he knew that if he started calling eren a wimp for not wanting to do it, he would do it for sure. and the only reason he was pressuring him was because he himself wouldn’t do it either.

“guys, i don’t think that’s a good idea. what if he genuinely gets upset. he won’t let us live it down,” armin reasoned.

all of the scouts were sitting up late at night in the lunch room with a candle in the center of the table.

mikasa nodded her head in agreement, “and we also have to get up early for historia’s coronation tomorrow.”

“coronation for what?” asked sasha after getting a few snacks and opening the bags while putting them in the center of the table for everyone to grab their share.

“sasha, hange told us this today,” armin chuckled nervously, “but it’s so she can become the queen tomorrow- or today since i’m assuming it’s pretty early judging by the way the sun is coming up.”

“that makes this even better, jaeger. if you do it now, there’s a chance that captain levi won’t even know,” connie encouraged.

“don’t do it if you don’t want to, eren. it doesn’t make you a pussy like jean says,” since mikasa was seated next to eren she put a hand on his shoulder.

eren’s face flushed and he nodded and sighed, “i’ll do it.”

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

eren’s fist shook as it hovered over the door knob of his office. after he stayed there for a while, jean complained, “c’mon and do this! we’ve all been wanting to see what his bedroom looks like,” jean whispered. if he had actually talked aloud, it would echo off the walls and levi would for sure wake up.

eren looked back at him, “if it’s so easy, why don’t you do it?” eren whisper yelled back. mikasa stood in between them. sasha, connie, and armin were behind all of them -- preparing to run in case levi woke up.

“guys, calm down, eren, if you’re going to do this, do it now.’

eren took a deep breath and his hand twisted the door knob. the door creaked and they all cringed. when the door opened -- levi’s office was present to them. of course they had all seen it already and knew it was always clean, but they were surprised when they saw how messy it was. his report papers were on the floor, the desk was cleared off with everything on the floor. the couch he had in his office was messed up with all of the cushions on the floor.

“... what do you think happened?” jean asked all of them as they all walked into his office.

“there’s a slight chance that he got angry or something and went to go sleep it off. that probably explains why he didn’t clean it up,” armin said. after they scanned the room and its state, they all looked at the door in the far corner of the whole room.

jean came up from behind eren, “go on, do it,” eren was sweating as he took cautious steps towards the door.

they all followed behind in suspense. eren took a deep breath before putting his hand on the doorknob and twisting it quietly. this time the door didn’t creak. eren was the only one to walk in as the others stayed behind.

eren’s eyes squinted and his eyebrows furrowed after he saw a rather big figure in levi’s bed that was too big to be levi. they were fully covered with the bed sheets -- meaning that eren would have to go on the other side of the bed to see who that was.

eren’s footsteps were barely heard on the floor as he walked to the opposite side of the room and his eyes widened when he saw the face of commander y/n spooning a shirtless levi.

his panicked eyes looked back to the group who had their heads peeped out of the doorway. in a panic, he misplaced his foot and a very audible creaking noise went through the room. eren slowly looked back at the duo in the bed and sighed in relief when they hadn’t woken up.

eren tip toed back to the rest of them. they all looked at him expectantly, “so, what’d you find out?” asked connie. they all stared at him eagerly.

“uh- how do i word this?”

“spit it out.”

“captain levi is a ... little spoon, and they person spooning him is commander y/n,” their eyes were the size of saucers as they all rushed - quietly - into his bedroom and in fact saw that commander y/n was spooning captain levi.

“he looks so peaceful when he’s sleeping,” said sasha. she was the closest to the two.

“sasha! back up,” jean whispered while pulling her back.

they all inspected them. they looked a little too comfortable with each other. and that’s when armin connected the dots. while everyone was watching the two, he had figured something out.

“wait- guys ..” they all looked back at armin.

“what is it?” they all had their backs turned to the duo to hear what the blonde had to say.

“guys, you remember how everything was cleared off of his desk, and how his couch was a mess? the captain is shirtless .. and if i’m correct, commander y/n is also ,, uhm- shirtless,” armin looked at the floor with his new found discovery.

as if on time, a knife was thrown at armin. there was a small opening where they could throw something at armin. it didn’t hit him, but it was thrown next to his face and hit the wall, “bingo! you figured it out, arlert, i’m surprised though. thought it would take you longer,” they all slowly looked back in horror.

there was you and levi - awake.

while levi was undeniably flustered -- you didn’t have any shame. they all saw a bit of your side boob since levi was turned away from them and laying on your chest. when he realized who they were - thinking it was hange - his shy façade faded and he looked back at them while covering you up after seeing jean and eren looking a bit.

“what the fuck are you guys doing here?” that’s when all hell broke loose.

jean, connie, and sasha were yelling while running around the room. just when they were going to run out the room, a knife was thrown that stopped them. it hit the tip of sasha’s nose since she was in front. they looked back to see that you had thrown it. “no you don’t. unless you want to see my naked body, you’re not going anywhere.”

armin was on his knees repeatedly saying that they were sorry and begged for mercy. eren was getting yelled at by captain levi and mikasa was just standing there.

you and levi were properly sat up and levi offered most of the blanket to you for you to cover your breasts.

sasha, connie, and jean all walked to where eren was and they all got yelled at.

they were assigned cleaning, kitchen, and stable duty for 3 months, “any questions?”

eren looked up at you, “uh- if it’s not intruding or anything- what are you two?”

“now, that’s none of your business. jaeger-”

“levi, they need to know,” they all noticed how levi’s eyes softened a bit when they looked at you. levi sighed before nodding his head.

“levi and i have been dating for 6 months now, and before any of you panic and ask us why we didn’t tell you- it’s because the both of us aren’t that fond of pda,” they all didn’t know how to respond to this.

armin was the first to speak up, “so .. did you two ... have-”

“make up sex and angry sex? yes. levi was being a bitch to everyone about something-”

“oh it wasn’t just something, you almost got yourself killed,” levi glared at you.

they watched the both of you going back and forth before you ended the conversation to answer armins question, “anyways yeah he was mad about something and ignored everyone for like a week before he called me here yesterday night and apologized. i, of course, blew up on him and here we are now,” you grinned at them.

levi was definitely going to say something to you later about revealing certain things about your relationship that didn’t need revealing.

that’s when you rubbed your eyes and looked outside the window and panicked, “shit- levi we’re gonna be late. we have to do that thing and all the superiors need to be earlier than the scouts,” levi nodded his head.

“hey, can you pass me that?’ you asked mikasa. mikasa’s cheeks flamed up when she saw you were pointing at your black bra on the floor. mikasa grabbed the bra and tossed it to you. now that they all looked at the floor, yours and levi’s clothes were thrown all over the place.

you grabbed your panties from the nightstand besides your side of the bed and put them on. you looked over at levi who was staring at the group, “you’re not gonna get ready?”

levi shook his head, “i still have to deal with them,” after sasha tossed your jeans and shirt after pointing at them for her to grab, you put them on and stood up. your shirt wasn’t buttoned up - making your bra visible. levi knew you were in a rush so didn’t say anything.

knowing that he was going to be stubborn, you walked over his side, “don’t be harsh on them, okay?” you gave him a kiss and hugged him before you walked out and shut the door.

everything you needed was in your own bedroom.

levi looked at where you left with a slight blush that made the scouts smile. they’re smiles faded when they saw the look their captain was giving them, “now that she’s gone ... let’s discuss some things.”

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

hange looked at the terrified and sleepy looking scouts in front of them at the lunch room. they raised an eyebrow at the scouts, “what happened? you guys look like you just went through hell and back.”

“it was just a stupid dare,” sasha started, “and we got yelled at by captain levi,” eren finished for her.

“did he catch all of you staying up or something?”

“they walked into levi’s bedroom without knocking or anything,” you said after walking towards their table with levi behind you and sat yourself next to hange. levi sat next to you.

“they don’t know how to fucking knock-”

“levi, we talked about this. they’re kids, let them have fun so they don’t get all grumpy like you,” you teased while bumping his shoulder with yours.

hange looked between the two of you, “wait- did they walk in while you two were-?!” hange cackled.

“more like the aftermath,” you chuckled.

“that’s even worse!” hange held their stomach with both hands.

the scouts looked at hange, “wait, you knew about them?!” they all exclaimed.

hange wiped their tears, “of course i did? who do you think levi first told? he was so happy and couldn’t stop talking about it. when y/n first entered the training thing around the time levi joined, he wouldn’t stop getting all shy around her,” hange’s mouth was covered by you since you could tell that levi was getting annoyed. the scouts shivered, there was an aura surrounding the captain while he sipped his tea.

“hange, if you want to live to see tomorrow, run for it,” they dashed out of the room.

that’s when you realized that hange quite literally yelled and everyone heard what hange had said and chaos broke loose.

“they were dating?”

“captain levi’s known commander y/n for that long?”

“he had a crush on her when she first came here?”

“captain levi gets shy?”

“oi, leave it be or all of you will run 110 laps,” everyone went back to their business.

you chuckled nervously and scratched the back of your head.

levi looked all of them dead in the eyes, “knock next time or i’ll have your heads on a plate-”

“no, you won’t.”

“yes i will.”

“love, don’t start please.”

“you started it first.”

#levi x reader #crackfic #aot #aot crackfic #levi ackerman x reader #eremika #is canon #shinkegi no kyojin #attack on titan #levi ackerman

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omgitsshrimp · 3 years

Text

[SPOILERS from Manga!] Attack on Titan Theory: The baby was NOT PLANNED.

MAJOR SPOILER WARNING!! IF YOU’RE ANIME ONLY SKIP THIS POST!

I thought I’d share my own theory on the whole situation with Eren and Historia. Keep in mind this is just my opinion/interpretation of everything so far. I just want to get my two cents in.

I know suggesting that the baby isn’t planned sounds nuts, but hear me out. In Ch 130 we’re shown panels of Eren and Historia discussing the military’s plans for her, Eren telling her his plan, and Historia discussing a baby with Eren.

In one panel, Historia is standing in front of the wooden fence, on the left side of the panel; then in a later panel she’s standing in front of the wooden fence on the right side of the panel.

I don’t think this is by accident. This implies that Eren and Historia met up more than once, which opens up a strong possibility of them meeting up several times in the past. So when Historia asks Eren about having a baby, we don’t know if she said that in the same conversation as the earlier panels. It could have happened at a completely different time. We only have a close up of her face when she says it, and we dont see the whole convo, which means we don’t know the full context around her bringing up a baby to Eren.

*Assuming they have met up several times, it begs the question, why does Eren even meet up with Historia? In my opinion, it’s because he has feelings for her, and they might be involved romantically.

We know that the songs for AoT can allude to or foreshadow events in the story. I feel like Eren and Historia’s meet ups were alluded to in two songs (that I know of) in AoT OST, “Zero Eclipse” and “Yuugure no Tori” (ed3).

Zero Eclipse (only later part of the song is related to Eren):

“Make a promise that I cannot regret, As long as I can see you but in secret”

Yuugure no Tori:

“I’ll sing out with my girl, Go to the meeting place sing alone”

If the Baby was Planned, It Would Contradict Eren’s ideals/motivation

Another reason I don’t think the baby is planned is because if the point is to not produce kids just for a strategic purpose then why would Eren and Historia make a plan to do just that? (ie having a baby to put off Historia eating Zeke). Having the reason for making a child be reduced to convenience/serving your plan doesn’t sit right with me. It doesn’t align with Eren’s beliefs, in my opinion.

Assuming that Eren and Historia are romantically involved and have been physically intimate for some time, I think its fair to consider that this baby was conceived by chance (as well as love) rather than some sort of necessity brought on by a situation. I think upon hearing what the military was planning for Historia, Eren decided to make plans for another way that wouldn’t sacrifice her. I don’t think that involved making a child. I think the child came about by chance and the panel of Historia asking Eren about a baby was maybe part of a longer conversation where she was telling him that she was pregnant. I know I’m making a lot of assumptions, but I don’t think its impossible.

I think from there, Eren and Historia came up with a plan to hide the pregnancy in order to protect Historia from being connected to Eren, since he knew he was going to start going against the military and wanted to protect Historia from any association with that. And also, kept it secret because if Zeke some how found out, it would compromise Zeke’s confidence in Eren and mess up Eren’s plans. Eren and Historia’s plan to keep the paternity a secret involved lying about the due date and using the Farmer as a cover. I suspect the farmer guy agreed because he really did feel guilty about bullying Historia as a child. The fact that he felt guilty enough to work there for years opens the possibility of him willing to go along with Eren and Historia’s plan, so he can make up for everything.

Paneling Choices

Now I want to talk about Isayama’s choices when it comes to the panels in ch 130, specifically in regards to the scene of Eren making his plans, Eren and Historia talking, and Eren and Zeke discussing Mikasa. How Isayama chose to order these panels seemed to me, very intentional and meticulous.

In the previous panels in the same chapter we see Eren refusing to allow Historia to be sacrificed and we see him willing to go against humanity for her (and Paradis as a whole). Isayama decided to shows us the process of Eren deciding to carry out this plan through his interactions with Historia, as if to convey that she’s a big reason for why he’s doing all this. He’s emphasizing her importance in how Eren came to start this mission by positoning her front and center. This sequence ends with Eren telling Historia that she saved him, paralleling Mikasa in a big way.

Then, we go to a conversation between Zeke and Eren about the Ackerman bloodline. Zeke is clarifying to Eren that there is no ingrained behavior and that Mikasa does all these things for him because she loves him. And right after Zeke says that, there is a panel of Eren and Historia. I feel like Isayama gave us an explanation of Eren’s actions right here. A discussion about Mikasa’s affection and devotion juxtaposed with images of Eren and Historia right after we saw several panels of Eren doing exactly what Zeke described Mikasa does for Eren, in my opinion, was meant to indirectly allude to why Eren is doing this and how he feels about Historia. Isayama doesn’t want to give it away just yet, but is giving subtle breadcrumbs. Using Mikasa’s feelings to juxtapose probably threw people off too.

It’s my opinion that Eren loves Historia. There’s other evidence that people have pointed out that I also agree with, but I won’t delve deep I’ll just mention them here:

-Hanji noticing Eren smiling at Historia and defending her wellbeing, then asking Eren about it. Eren snaps at Hanji when she brings up Historia.

-Historia getting teary eyed when Eren defends her in the meeting.

The only person Eren has been consistent with protecting this whole time has been Historia. His desire to protect her never wavered. He’s been talking about protecting her since the end of season 3. The only person we’ve seen Eren confide in (about his plans etc.) is Historia. She’s clearly significant to him.

What Eren Kruger Said to Grisha

Another reason I think Eren loves Historia and is romantically involved with her is because of what Eren Kruger said to Grisha. The Attack titan shifter can see future memories as well as past ones. Kruger told Grisha to “love someone in the walls, build a family. If you can’t do that, the same cycle will repeat itself. If you want to save Mikasa and Armin, carry out your mission to the end”. I think Kruger was also talking to Eren here, OR Isayama was alluding to what Eren will need to do in order to save everyone. In the anime, they added a line for Kruger, he says “someone in the future might see this [moment/memory of their conversation]”. I think it was added to establish that there may be a link between what Kruger said and what Eren is doing. Afterall, we know Eren saw this conversation.

I think Eren did fall in love, with Historia, and is building a family (conceived a baby by chance), and something about the experience of love and impending fatherhood has played an important role in Eren carrying out this mission and ultimately saving Armin, Mikasa and Paradis, while also ending the cycle of hate.

In Ch 130, we see Eren saying that he has to do the rumbling in order for the cycle of hate to end. Similar to what Kruger said. Everything is happening exactly as Eren saw it, we saw that with that little boy Halil (or was it Ramzi?). The future memories were all correct, so if Kruger was speaking based on future memories then what he said about love, building a family, saving Armin and Mikasa, probably had truth to it.

Eren’s Talk with Mikasa in Ch 123

A lot of people see this as an ErenxMikasa moment but since Eren and Zeke’s conversation in Ch 130, I don’t think that’s the case. In Ch 123, Eren asks Mikasa “what am I to you?”. Mikasa flusters and says “family”. I think Eren asked her this because he was suspecting that her Ackerman bloodline was influencing her decisions. This probably worried him because he didn’t want Mikasa to be a slave to her bloodline. Mikasa’s answer didn’t clarify anything for him. He was left ambivalent on the subject and that’s why he asked Zeke about the Ackerman bloodline.

Mikasa says in Ch 123, that maybe if she gave a different answer things would have happened differently, but Zeke did give Eren a clear answer about how Mikasa felt. Eren knew how she felt and it didn’t change anything. Eren was concerned about the Ackerman bloodline influence because he wanted Mikasa to be free, not because he’s romantically interested in her.

I do realize I could be dead wrong. I know suggesting the baby wasn’t planned is a huge stretch but I just thought I’d put it out there. I just want it to be true so badly lol. Even if the baby is planned, I think there’s still some truth to some of the other things I pointed out. This was just a fun thing for me to do. I normally don’t write long theory posts, but I figured why not since it’s so close to the end and everyone is speculating. Why not join in?

I think that’s it. I hope I’m not missing anything. As for how I think the whole story will end? I think because Eren freed Ymir, titan powers might cease to exist. But I don’t know how that’ll affect the 13 year Ymir curse if that does happen. So I guess we’ll see.

Feel free to share your thoughts. I’m not AntiMikasa or anything. Please be respectful! Thanks for reading!

#aot spoilers #Eren x Historia #erehisu #aot manga #snk spoilers #snk manga #snk 136 #snk 135 #Historia Reiss #Eren Yeager #shingeki no kyojin #attack on titan spoilers #shingeki no kyojin spoilers #spoilers #snk 130

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akarinittalovers · 3 years

Text

How You Meet

•Nanaba

The first time you ever meet her was back in the cadet corps. You came from a hunter family from the forest inside of the wall Rose so when you first join the cadet corps you barely knew anyone there and you are quite shy because of your accent so that doesn't help at all.

It was Nanaba who approach you first. Both of you began to regularly chat with each other during your free time between training and classes. Over time both of you grew closer.

You decided to join whatever branch of the military that she will join. Even though both of you are one of the top ten graduates instead of joining the military brigade and life a peaceful life you decide to join her to the Survey corps.

While you plan to protect her during an expedition outside the walls for the first time the reality is much crueler than the story of Knight in shining armor. The truth is she is much stronger than you, while you are reasonably skilled as a soldier she just more proficient in fighting Titans. So in the end, she is the one who protected you.

Your first expedition was nothing sort of disaster. From more than twenty new recruits that join the survey corps, only you and Nanaba survive the whole ordeal. The only silver lining to this was both of your skill doesn't go unnoticed. Both of you are promoted and place on the best squad on the whole survey corps, the Erwin squad (This take place some years before the fall of Wall Maria).

After some years have passed both of your careers on survey corps were going well, especially after Keith Shadis step down as the commander and Erwin became his replacement. You get promoted as one of the section commanders and she was vice-leader of the Mike squad.

Side Story:

At first, you thought Nanaba was a man. When she tells you the truth, you immediately apologize to her profusely. You should have seen your panic face at that moment.

She just laughed at you and tell you not to worry. "Don't worry about it. It almost happens all the time, " she told you but That got an opposite effect on you. You just felt even worse for her and that resulted in you absentmindedly told her "You got pretty hair."

Trivia:

Her hobby is training/sparring with you. Two of her favorite exercises are close-quarter combat and ODM gear training.

Your current score of sparing with her is.

#CQB:

Nanaba vs Y/N

29-21

#ODM training

Nanaba vs Y/N

35-28

•Anka Rheinberger

When you are first to meet her it was at the orientation event of the garrison troops. You are one year her senior and you are left in charge of her in your squad.

She was the type of person who takes the job seriously and as you expected she was rose up through the rank quite was and in almost no time she was outranked you. She was even put under Commander Pixis squad directly.

One thing that wasn't expected was not long after she was put under commander Pixis squad you are also promoted there. Later you found out that Anka has written a letter of recommendation on your behalf.

While it's true that you are quite a reliable person and the only reason you weren't promoted was that you had some grievances with your superior officers and if you being honest you wouldn't mind not being promoted since are already in a pretty comfortable position but still it was incredibly nice of her. Now both of you are working side by side once again.

Side Story:

She doesn't like to drink or see people drink during the day, especially during work hours. This was probably due to her workaholic personality.

But during the night and day off, she absolutely loves to drink. Both of you are occasionally going to the pub together. Compare to you she was a heavy drinker.

Trivia:

Her favorite drink is beer and her least favorite liquor is wine.

•Rico Brezenska

The first time you meet her was in 850 during the battle of Trost District after the second appearance of the Colossal Titan. Particularly it was during the closing part of the Battle.

You were assigned to the elite team under her command to escort Eren Yeager to seal off the breach on Trost District. Miraculously this suicide mission was a success, the wall was managed to be a seal.

After that harrowing experience, you and Rico along with Mikasa Armin and Eren Yeager were evacuated by the Survey corps thus both of you doesn't get involved in the operation of retaking the wall, Trost. Since only both of you from the garrison elite squad survive the whole ordeal both of you place on the same squad from then point forward.

Side Story:

Rico was well known for her strict attitude because of that she was feared by her juniors and even her Superior. So they usually go through you first to get her.

Trivia:

There are rumors about you two dating and both of you are unaware of this.

•Lara Tybur

The first time you meet her was when she was first introduced as a new maid of the Tybur family. You were task to train her to be a good maid.

She was a great learner, she picked up maidservant skills pretty easily. That being said her skills as a maid were quite inferior compare to you.

So that is why you were angry when you learned that she will become the head of the maidservant and Butler of the Tybur family. The position is usually reserved for your family who faithfully served the Tybur family for generations.

Jealousy and curiosity as to why she was chosen to become the head of the servant make you act foolishly. One day you interrogate her on her true identity and that is how you learn that she was a member of the Tybur family moreover that she was the inheritor of Warhammer Titan.

But that was the start of an unlikely friendship between jealous Maid/Butler and Princess in disguise. She suggested that it became both of your little secrets.

Side Story:

Both of you are usually hanging out in the secluded part of the garden during your free time. Both of you usually have a launch there and chatting.

Trivia

Lara's favorite snack is Takoyaki the traditional food from Hizuru. She was an expert at cooking and her skill in that field are far surpassed you. Also, she loves sports and singing.

•Nifa

The first time you meet this stylish gal is when you first joined the Survey corps. Being your senior she was left in charge of you and your squadmate for your training & first expedition outside.

During your training as a survey corps - about at least three weeks before your first expedition outside - you grew to admire her. You saw her as someone who could be relied on. You aspire to become her.

After several expeditions outside of the walls, you become experienced soldiers and even got a nice position in your squad. Although Nifa is no longer with your squad because of her role there was only temporary.

Side Story:

You were crying a lot after your return from the first expedition. The combination of horror from Titan and seeing your comrades get eaten was too much for inexperienced soldiers like you. But Nifa was there to comfort you.

Trivia

Nifa is the most stylish member of the Survey corps. You often see her doing some sort of makeup in her free time.

•Frieda Reiss

You were Frieda's childhood friend. You grew up on a Reiss family farm where both of your parents work as a farmhand.

You meet her when she was visiting with her father on the farm. You were a shy kid so Frieda was first to approach you. Although you were resisted at first due to everyone's insistence you reluctantly agree to play with her.

Honestly playing with her wasn't that bad. She has a big sister aura around her and she is very smart so she can teach you a whole lot of things.

But one day an accident struck, both of your parents were involved in a stagecoach accident while delivering goods from Reiss estate. Unfortunately, your father passed away while your mother's right leg has to be amputated.

Though fortunately for you and your mother the Reiss family are willing to take care of both of you while your mother recovering from her injuries and later employs her as a maid. So, for a few years, you and Freida are living on the same roof.

Things go on like this for at least a couple of years until you reach the age of 15 years old. While you're thankful to the Reiss family especially to Freida but for some reason, you felt like a burden to them and you don't want to get more indebted to them. You decided to leave them behind and join the Survey corps.

Side Story:

Frieda is a couple of years older than you and she was the one who teaches you how to read and that is how you become the only literate member of your family.

Trivia:

Frieda loves to tease you. You see Frieda as a big sister figure.

#nanaba x reader #aot #nanaba #rico brzenska #Rico brezenka x reader.#lara tybur #Anka Rheinberger #Lara Tybur x reader #Anka Rheinberger x reader #Nifa x reader #Nifa #Frieda Reiss x reader #Frieda Reiss

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ackermansupremacy · 3 years

Note

Hi, I read your headcanon where Zeke finds out his sister is dating Annie, can I request one where Levi finds out his younger sister is dating Eren? Thank you❤️

YES. MY FAVORITE BOYS

Older brother Levi Ackerman finds out his little sister is in a secret relationship with Eren Jaeger

Modern:

Sigh, Eren freaking Jaeger ://

You guys had been close through your whole childhood, always a part of the same friend group

Until one day when you got older and you started getting a little shy around him

And started having lil daydreams about him

Little did you know he was feeling the same way

One day those feelings got a little too intense for him and he couldn’t keep them to himself anymore

So one day (with the help of Mikasa and Armin) he grabbed your face and just kissed you and your relationship sprouted beyond friendship

But out of his fear for Levi, he asked if you could just...not tell him

But unfortunately that man can read you like a book :/

With your age gap, he played a big hand in raising you so he knows you like the back of his hand

So he got suspicious IMMEDIATELY

The first time you hid your phone from him he didn’t hold his suspicion back

“Its that Eren kid isn’t it?”

Which of course made you panic

Levi is the LAST person you wanted to know about your relationship

He saw it for himself when you said you were hanging out with Mikasa

But he noticed you left something and he thought maybe he should bring it to Mikasa’s

Only for Mikasa to say you weren’t there 😭

Needless to say he knew exactly where to go

Eren was in for the surprise of his life when the knock on the door was not the pizza you ordered, but a short man ready to punch him in the face

“Explanation, now.”

He wouldn’t have been mad if you just told him the truth but the fact that you lied to his face??

He was disappointed in the whole situation and it would make him do some self relfecting

How bad of a brother was he for you to keep things from him?

Ngl he felt so guilty about it he let you stay over

But interrogated you when you got home

You apologized for not telling him, but told him everything

He immediately forgave you though he knew it wasn’t anything personal

He flashed you a rare smile and patted your head

While you promised you wouldn’t keep secrets from him like that anymore

Canon:

You and Levi were close, really close.

Due to your lifestyle

He basically spent his whole life raising you and forming you into the wonderful person you are today

So you ending up with this unstable titan shifting bastard was a big no-no in Levi’s book

He did NOT spend all those years raising you, fighting for you in the underground for this

He let you weasle your way onto the scouts and that was the extent of bullshit he was putting up with you

He knew you liked Eren, he could tell by how often and the way you talked about him

He knew he should’ve found a way to seperate you guys

He hated how he could see Eren looking at you from the corner of his eyes (much to Mikasa’s dismay)

And how flirty he would be towards you when he thought he wasn’t looking

He was NOT here for it

And aggresively tried to make sure you DIDN’T date

In fact, the whole reason why you had to hide it was because you knew Levi would react badly

Albeit you guys should’ve been more careful

One day you were hanging out alone with Eren

And he kissed you, like he always did

But this time, you heard a voice, a very familiar voice clear his throat

Levi was standing there, with crossed arms leaning against a tree

“Can we talk...in private.”

Yeah he gave you an earful for like thirty minutes listing all the reasons why dating Eren is a bad idea

He knew by the tears in your eyes and how silent you that maybe he was being a little bit too hard on you

After all he classified it as “puppy love”

He was just...irritated at the whole situation but decided that just this once he was going to excuse it

You were still a kid after all, and as much as he wanted to protect his lil baby sister

He was going to let this one slide

As much as he didn’t trust Eren

He loved you too much to take that happiness away

But of course he still busted Eren’s kneecaps

Me? Doing requests out of order again? Its more likely than you think

Ask box is flooded rn but i aint no wuss i ain’t closing it!!

I hope you liked it! Thanks for requesting!

#aot #snk #eren jaeger #eren jeager x reader #eren x reader #eren headcanons #levi ackerman #levi x reader #aot levi #snk levi #levi ackerman x reader #levi ackerman headcanons #eren jaeger imagines

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thesunshinebunny · 3 years

Text

When the world falls apart, the only thing we can hold onto is ourselves (Part II)

Series Master list

pairing: canon Eren Jaeger x reader

content: Angst, unstable relationship, breakup, smut/nswf+18, major character death, violence, blood (obviously), war (pretty obvious)

summary: War and hate. It’s what defined the world at this exact moment. You failed your comrades, and by failing them, you failed yourself. Your relationship is hanging by a thread and your enemies will not only be found on the other side of the sea, but also in the mind of the person you love the most. How will you take the reins in the face of so much destruction?

Chapter summary: Coming home is melancholy and cold, and your squadmates ask you to do what you couldn't do for a year: speak up and find out what's going on inside Eren's mind.

Words count: 5.3k

They say that when a loved one leaves this world, the days follow turns gray, colorless; How ironic to think that the day we buried Sasha was gray, there wasn’t a trace of the blue sky or some solar ray that could give us the warmth we were lacking. It was cold, a cold that got into your bones and no matter how many hugs and words of mutual support we gave each other, we couldn’t get the warmth we needed.

My soul had been fragmented the moment Sasha left this world, but seeing my friends cry at her grave and leave bouquets of flowers, it fragmented even more. I wasn’t able to meet Nicolo's eyes, my guilt prevented me. Inside, I wanted this Marleyan to yell at me, to tell me that he hated my presence, that Sasha's death had been my fault, and that I should have given my life if it meant saving her. I wanted with all my being that he would give me a reason to really feel guilty.

On the way back to the island, the others assured me that her death wasn’t my fault, that I did everything possible to keep her alive. But my ineptitude, my grief, my low self-esteem prevented me from seeing things clearly. I just needed… something to hold onto.

And I wasn't getting anything.

I felt how I was slowly sinking into the rabbit hole, without the possibility of clinging to a tree root. I was falling, falling, falling, unable to know when I would hit bottom. But that bottom came fast before I could have predicted, because minutes after Nicolo arrived, Sasha's father arrived too, bouquet of beautiful red flowers in hand.

I broke myself. The two people who longed for Sasha most in their lives were standing in front of me, mourning the loss of her young soul. The two people who would hate me the most in the world, standing over my friends's grave. I fell to my knees in front of them and in front of her grave, silently begging for forgiveness.

My tears fell incessantly on the freshly stirred earth as did my fingers, imploring this burden on my chest to dissipate, as if unconsciously I was wishing for Sasha herself to forgive me for letting her die. How could one cope with this heinous feeling? How could I go on, knowing that the world was falling around us, unable to know if the next day we were going to be alive or if Marley would initiate an attack from which we weren’t going to be able to defend ourselves?

My head was racing a thousand per second and the only thing I could let out were those sobs that had accompanied me so much on the way back, the same ones that cradled me to slept, and the tears that so much wanted to dissipate the pain in my soul.

It is said that when a person leaves this world, some people are unable to handle grief, just as they are unable to articulate a word. Apparently I was one of those people.

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Nights and days passed. Those of us who survived the attack on Marley stayed in commune trying to encourage ourselves to continue fighting. Hange had recommended us to rest, since the psychological damage could cause us several injuries in the future, and as for Eren ... we weren’t very aware of him. The last we heard from our commanders is that he was locked away from all human contact, stipulating that it would be better to keep him locked up for a while and let whatever shit that was going through his head dissipate.

But that was complete bullshit. I knew that, even locking him up, they weren't going to be able to change the thoughts that tormented Eren so much. I knew that, whatever was wandering through his mind, he wasn’t letting him alone and he would never let go. How did I know that? Because I spent a whole year trying to get him to let me enter in that shell he has been forming in recent years. I tried very hard to get him to tell me his plan before he went to Marley, but I got nothing, and I still get nothing.

My gaze was lost in the window. The nights grew colder and colder and I hugged my arms as I watched the sunset. The boys were arguing about something, something that Mikasa didn't seem to find funny at all, but my mind wasn’t connected to reality. I just stared out the window, remembering the old days when we'd sneak out to steal a piece of meat from the supply warehouse with Sasha and Connie.

I remembered the nights when the boys sneaked into the women's hut to keep each other warm in our days as recruits. I remembered how Armin let me practice my medicine methods on him when he got hurt, a practice that was lost when he inherited the power of the Colossal Titan.

I remembered how we would escape at dawn, grab a few horses and ride out to the ocean, taking nice cool baths on the warm moonlit summer nights. Now those moments only remained in that, in memories.

"(Y/N) are you listening?"

My gaze detached from the window, now it was fixed on a Connie who looked just as tired of the world as I did. This dwarf turned giant was just as devastated as I was by losing half of him, and yet he was still able to continue fighting alongside our friends.

"We think you might be the most suitable to go talk to Eren"

Armin's calm voice stripped me of any desire to go back to the old moments. I pulled myself away from the window tiredly and let my body unconsciously guide me to one of the couchs in the middle of the room, next to the blonde. Apparently while I was wandering in my thoughts, the tension in the room had reached a point where it could be cut with a simple wave of the hand.

As I sat down, I was able to take a better look at the room. From what I could analyze, the group had divided into two, those who still trusted Eren and those who did not, each with their reasons, and apparently, I was playing the role of mediator. The responsibility fell on me to move the pieces of the board: to talk to our supposed war partner and beg him to tell us about his plans and the demons in his head, or to dethrone him completely.

"What makes you think I can go talk to him?"

My words came out of my mouth colder and sharper than I would’ve liked, but it was the simple truth. If Eren was willing to push each other away to accomplish his task, what was I going to accomplish after a year without having answers to his thoughts?

"I haven't been able to speak to him openly in a year"

Armin and Mikasa gave me completely stunned looks. Not even their childhood friend had told them that his relationship was falling off a cliff.

"I didn't know, I thought you were fine"

"Well, we are not fine at all Armin"

I knew it wasn't fair for Armin to get all my frustration, he wasn't guilty at all. I looked him in the eye and I could find multiple feelings in those huge blue eyes: sadness, compassion, guilt, overwhelm. I knew he was one of the worst going through it, his childhood friend was no longer entirely reliable; he had carried out acts of sheer violence and had become the enemy he hated the most; Armin had become his worst enemy and his eyes clearly showed it.

And it was those same eyes that begged me to do something, to go and talk, to try to figure out the smallest thing we could use to get out of this mess Eren got us into. They implored me to save his soul brother from his mental prison.

I let out a long breath before getting up off the couch and heading to the door.

"I highly doubt that I will achieve anything, but I will try to talk to him"

I took one last look to the guys in front of me before leaving the room, each one wishing me luck and pleading for my well-being with their eyes, and sinking even further into the rabbit hole, or rather, going straight to ventured into the lion's den.

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The road to the dungeons was long and heavy, but not because of the number of blocks and alleys I had to take, but because of what was waiting for me at the end of the road. Upon coming into contact with the stone walls and their semi-armored doors, the blood on my body ran cold, just as it ran cold when we buried Sasha.

The air below the ground was cold, the smell of mold and dirt entered my nostrils, preventing me from taking a couple of steps without feeling like vomiting. The place really needed a better cleaning, otherwise it would be the epicenter of a huge plague.

At the end of the corridor, where the light was dimmer and let the darkness eat much of the cell, was Eren. My heart skipped a beat when I saw him sitting on his supposed bed, staring directly at the wall, or so it seemed; knowing him he was surely lost in his world. I kept my composure, avoiding giving any trace of my emotional and psychological state.

"Hi"

I got no response, as always.

I had the opportunity to inspect his cell, it was quite untidy and dripping with water, coming from the sink which was covered to the top. Unconsciously I prayed that this water was drinkable or at least that it was not too polluted, since I didn’t have to look completely at the brunette in front of me to know he had put his head in that same water.

"I like your hair, looks very smooth"

"What do you want?"

His voice came out calm but imposing and terrifying at the same time, I would be lying if I said I didn’t startle a bit, but I kept my composure as best as possible to avoid showing the fear in my eyes. Eren may not have noticed, but if he did, he was unfazed.

"The guys think that I can talk to you, but I told them they were completely wrong, I mean...we haven't been able to speak like we used to for a year, maybe more"

My words came out of my mouth like the venom of a snake. I couldn't tell if my intention was to make him feel guilty, or at least feel something, to reflect on my words, but guess what… his eyes didn't even leave the wall behind me.

I crossed my arms and rested my body on one of the bars, hoping to have some intimidating way for the damn bastard to decide to speak. Even though bullying wasn't my thing, I, yes, had a tired face and wasn't there to waste my time, but I had to achieve something, get something, whatever, so I could get out of this damn place.

"You know very well that I'm not going to leave until you say something"

His eyes met mine for a few seconds and then returned to their original position. I knew this was going to be difficult, but I couldn't help my irritation growing from my chest. With every minute that passed, the pain in that area was increasing and a lump in the throat was appearing with each tear that I wanted to avoid shedding.

I'd been through shitty days and had to come alone to the exact place I least wanted to be to talk to the person I least wanted to see.

"I'm used to being on my feet for long hours, I can be here all day, and that's exactly what I'm going to do"

I remained planted in front of the cell, positioning myself with crossed arms right in front of his eyes, preventing them from continuing to look at the miserable wall.

But my bad luck wasn't giving me any sign that I was going to win this fight very soon. Although I was covering his peripheral field, his eyes never deigned to look at me, they simply stayed glued to the front, now seeing my body in front, although in reality, he was seeing without seeing.

My patience was running out and this goddamn silent game had only just begun. I had to find something to work with, something that could flicker him or make him angry… anger would not be the best if I wanted to leave with all the bones intact and my already psychological trauma without further damage; but knowing Eren, anger was his fuel, which made him move and in an action-reaction effect, made everyone move together behind him.

That's it. Everyone. But we weren't all here.

Sasha was dead; Reiner, Berthold and Annie traitors and enemies of Paradis; Ymir disappeared and confirmed dead, being inherited by the new jaw titan; the only one missing from our group was our beloved Queen. The Queen that Eren so decided to care for and protect.

"You know, Historia is about to give birth"

It was mild, but I could feel his body tense. His eyes moved just the same slightly, but in those little acts I knew I had struck a chord. And I was willing to use it, even if it meant destroying my sanity and causing one of Eren's greatest worldly anger.

"Wouldn't it be nice to have a little baby on the squad?" I took a deep breath before launching the second impact of the night, preparing to receive whatever blow came next. "After all, it's your child, right?"

His body moved faster than I could ever achieve and my reflexes weren't sharp enough to pull away in time. His hand grabbed my shirt, drawing me towards the bars and hitting my cheeks on each one, now my face was directly in front of him, my field of vision being just his face and finally, his eyes were focused on mine.

"Don't even think about talking about Historia like that"

If looks could kill, surely I would already be dead on the ground. His grip on my chest was strong, he was even capable of ripping the fabric, but with a push back showed me that it wasn’t strong enough, that everything was a facade. I staggered, almost fell to the ground, but either way, I kept my balance and my expression. I was terrified inside, but I forced myself to keep a stoic look at all time, he was trying to play with me and although I was not entirely sure how much there were just words and how much were an act of anger and violence, I couldn’t dedicate myself to having a hint of doubt.

"Easy, Romeo, I know you're not the daddy...or are you?"

I adjusted my clothes, avoiding his gaze because I knew if I stared into his eyes, I would get a much worse look than the one he gave me a few seconds ago.

"Whatever, you gave me something to work with, Historia knows something and didn't tell us...gee, I wonder why"

I leaned my body against the cold stone. My gaze went everywhere, trying to keep avoiding his eyes and incidentally have a stronger support for my figure.

"The Queen doesn’t have to say anything to anyone"

Ohhh, you little shit.

If that's the game you want to play, then you're going to lose.

Even if his words were absolutely right, we shouldn’t forget that, before she was queen, Historia had been our friend during training and the entire year of accumulated trauma between betrayals and deaths. If we could continue to have conversations with her and were invited to participate in political meetings, then we had every right to be informed of the supposed plan that Eren implanted in our queen's mind.

For a moment I was scared by the physical and emotional state of Historia. Was Eren capable of keeping her threatened? Did he say or do anything to keep her quiet? The questions seemed to have no head or tail, but if Eren was able to grab me the way he did, I can't imagine what he could do to keep someone quiet.

"Yes, you are right, in the same way, trust only the queen before your friends... that’s brave"

I searched the corridor and the cell for something I could use to attract his attention again, if it was necessary for me to use violence against him, I would be willing to do it. My eyes met a chain anchored to the wall, quite a long chain, to tell the truth. And on the other side, reaching almost the middle of the corridor, I could make out a rather dirty cloth.

I glanced at Eren who had sat back down on his bed, head down in his hands, and walked down the hall with one goal in mind. I grabbed the cloth and walked back to the cell, standing in front of the bars. I reached out my hand to the sink and started to clean up what was left of the spilled water.

"It's all soaked, incredible that they keep a cell like this"

Without taking my eyes off the sink, I could hear Eren settling on his bed, perhaps sitting upright. I kept running the dirty cloth over the water, honestly I wasn’t achieving much apart from spreading the now dirty water even more, but I had to continue with the facade of an understandable couple.

"It's a complete mess...were Historia's legs like this when you railed her?"

As before, Eren had quickly stood up, ready to grab my hand that was inside the cell, but I was already better prepared. When I felt his fingers touch my wrist, I turned my hand to anchor it on his arm and draw him towards the bars, having that same arm outside the cell. With half body on the cold metal, my other hand grabbed the missing arm and with all my strength I pulled his limbs towards me, causing his body and head to crash against the bars.

"Do you want to do it the hard way? fine, we'll do it the hard way"

Eren tried to shake off my grip, but the adrenaline rushing through my veins prevented him from loosening even a millimeter. I pushed him and pulled him back to me, stretching his arms even further and hitting his head on the metal.

"What's wrong with you?"

Again, a back and forth motion.

"What is going on in your head?"

Back and forth.

"How much shit can you have in your mind that you are not able to tell your friends?"

Back and forth.

"TELL ME FOR FUCK SAKE!!"

With one last impact, I hit Eren's head and heard the fibers and tendons in his shoulders rip, just as his skin began to stretch and break, revealing the flesh and muscle beneath it. Rivers of blood flowed over his arms, dropping to the floor and turning his skin red.

His head was also bleeding to the side, soaking his torso and rebel hair. A pool of blood formed under our feet. I let go of his arms and then grabbed the chain that was on the wall and chained him. Considering the number of times he hab been chained since his fifteen years, I suppose one more time wouldn't do any harm to his already traumatized mind.

When I saw his hands were secure I dropped to the floor, not caring about the blood that now adorned the cold stone floor. I could feel my ass starting to get soggy and sticky from the substance. I would have to burn this pants when I got out of there.

Both my mind and my breath hitched, enveloping the environment. I tried to calm down and clear my mind to continue this hell of interrogation. I knew I shouldn't have agreed, and now look at what situation I was in.

"You know I can transform and use the power of the warhammer titan to get out of here"

Eren seemed withdrawn from his situation, as if bleeding to death didn't matter in the least. Steam came out of his shoulders, a sign that he was in the process of regeneration and prayed that this process would take a long time to materialize.

“I know…” I tried to calm my voice and breath before speaking again “but if you transform now, you would end up killing me, and killing me means betraying the legion, and betraying them means betraying the people of Paradis… you don 't want that, do you? "

My words may sound sly, but inside I was wanting to run out of there, get under the covers of my bed and sleep until the day of doomsday; I was even wishing to die in that sleep.

"I'm going to stay here until I know once and for all what's going on in your head, because I know that whatever shit is in there… it's killing you."

Now we were both looking into each other's eyes, fighting a battle in silence, seeing who would give up first. We held eye contact for a few long minutes, unable to tell how many. Maybe it was a couple, maybe half an hour or even an hour; whatever the time, I was already getting bored.

"If I had known it would take so long, I would have brought something to read"

"What has you so worried that you can't even tell Hange or the heichou?"

My question came reluctantly out of my mouth, as if my ability to fight was fading. I was already very tired and it seemed like days since I entered the dungeons.

"Noone would be able to understand"

"Oh please! Don't take me for a fool. Do you think that none of them are battling their own inner demons? Do you think that only you can have intrusive thoughts to fight against?"

His comment irritated me to the core. I never found Eren such a selfish person, and to think that a year or so ago he was declaring his unconditional affection to all of his comrades.

What happened in the last year? What changed?

"Each one of them has to face their own internal wars every day"

Before my anger got the best of me, I took a few small breaths, calming myself. I wasn't going to put me on the same level of hatred and misunderstanding as him, even if it meant throwing away all the years we were together.

"Historia surely has to fight against the stress and the multiple responsibilities that being a queen entails, apart from fighting against the offensive comments of the military police"

Maybe the island has been rid of Titans for a long time, but that didn’t take away the fact that shitty people, like those who lived on the Wall Sina, decided to try and continue controlling the poor people who were split the loin so those ungrateful would have a feast every night.

"Connie is struggling every day against losing his other half, his twin"

Connie, Jean, everyone ... EVERYONE! We were fighting and suffering the mourning of Sasha, of our teammates.

"Shit, surely Jean is still struggling with the memory of Marco after so many years"

Yes. No one had forgotten Marco, especially Jean. But we had to learn to keep going on that very day, we couldn't afford to get sentimental and spoil the next missions. From that day on we learned to watch over our dead mates in silence.

"I fight every day against my incompetence"

And now was the time that I could begin to veil my demons once and for all.

Already my body was begging to rest. I had laid my head on the wall and fixed my gaze on the ceiling. I heard the chains move at my side, a sign that Eren was moving, but I didn't have the strength to look him in the face.

"I fight every day against the image of Sasha dying in my hands"

I know that memory is going to haunt me until the day I die.

"I fight every day against the memories of our comrades dying in battle"

I saw countless deaths throughout the year 850, so many that I decided to use my knowledge in medicine to help even to stop a bleeding. I still remember the first suture I made to a mate already lost in battle ... I was so excited, so happy to be of such help.

"I fight every day against the idea of not being enough"

But that exaltation led to thousands of failures. People who had bled internally, who had lost an arm and couldn’t get to cauterize, hundreds who had lost half their stomach or head.

"I fight every day against our enemies on the other side of the sea"

I wasn't going to deny it, learning the pure and exclusive truth of the world, I couldn't help but feel a deep hatred for the Marleyans. I wanted them to pay for the countless deaths and suffering they had caused, I wanted to see them burn, but at the same time I wanted a reasonable explanation.

"I fight the memories of the titans devouring our friends"

Memories of the first day in battle, right at our graduation, when we thought that nothing could happen. How naive we were. And to think that that was just the beginning of a long list of events that would bring us to this moment.

"I fight every day along side with the memories of the team escaping from the base and messing it up to enjoy the summer nights"

Memories of when we would sneak into the palace and take Historia with us, enjoying the air in our faces and running in the valleys of the countryside. Memories of when we ran cows for some strange reason at the beginning of the day.

Memories of when we were racing with the 3D movement gear through the great forests outside the city. Memories of the occasional punch in the face against the bark of a tree for not knowing where we were going.

"I fight every day against the image of the big bright turquoise eyes that I fell in love with"

My gaze fell on those same eyes, but instead of finding the description that I wanted to see so much, I only found grayish green eyes, eyes that had lost all their brilliance.

I found eyes full of tiredness and anger for the world. The brilliance that so characterized Eren had been lost; now I would have to settle for a blank stare.

"I fight every day ... against the memory of our return to the rooms and Levi punishing us for weeks"

My voice was breaking as I remembered the nights when only Eren and I would sneak out to spend quality time alone. Those nights where we would lie down to see the stars or to lose ourselves in each other in some meadow.

I look at my hands, they were shaking. I couldn't help but remember the first night we spent together, back then I was shaking too, but Eren's hands on my cheeks dispelled any doubt or fear that I could ever have. I unconsciously smiled at the fond memory and I think Eren did too, as I heard a little laugh coming from him.

But no matter how much smiles and laughter the memories gave me, I had to go on and face the world that was now in front of me.

"I fight every day ... against the idea of running towards you, towards your arms"

Those arms that one day gave me warmth. Those arms that one day hugged and covered me the moment I found out that a mate had died. Those strong arms that I knew were going to protect me from any harm.

"I fight against the hope that this is all a nightmare, that you are going to cradle me in your arms and tell me that everything is going to be fine, that it was just a bad dream"

My gaze returned to his, now filled with tears. It hurt, the cruel truth hurt a lot.

"I fight against the desire to stay by your side"

Eren's face was dark, he had returned to how he was at the beginning, without any trace of that soft laugh I heard a few seconds ago.

"I fight with my inner voice that tells me that everything will be fine, that in a few years it will not hurt as much as it does now"

Maybe ... maybe I can start over and when all this nefarious war is over I can find peace, once and for all, and enjoy my friends.

"I fight to move on"

...

"I fight every day...against you"

That was it.

I stood up heavily, wiping the tears from my cheeks with the back of my hand. The blood on the floor was already dry and had left the entire back of my pants stained. I hadn't noticed that the air had been permeated with the iron smell of blood, making my vomiting reflex worse, even though I had avoided it in a good way all this time.

"If you want to free yourself from this cell, go ahead, I'm not going to stop you"

His figure was already fully regenerated and I knew it was a matter of time before he transformed and left this filthy place. Eren might trust what he was doing was the right thing to do, but if he didn’t accept that in the eyes of the world, that in our eyes, his friends, the only family he had left, couldn’t understand his actions, then there wasn’t much to ask from him.

If he wanted to betray us, let him do it.

“Do what you have to do to fulfill your dream, I don't care anymore. But don't expect for me to sit around and wait for you"

"Are you planning to go to the other side of the sea?"

What a stupid and dubious question at the same time. Was I willing to leave my life in Paradis to start over even in the lands of the enemy?

No, not at all. Why I was no traitor.

"No Eren, I am not going to Marley, my family is here...but you are no longer part of it"

Those words hurt, but they needed to be said; that way I could already start to heal.

"Is that all you have to say?"

I couldn't tell if his words were mocking or a sincere question. But yes, it was all I had to say. I couldn't spend another minute in front of someone I didn't even know anymore.

"It's all I can bear"

I took one last look at the prisoner in the cell before turning and continuing down the long corridor of the dungeons.

"Are you leaving so soon? I thought I heard you would stay as long as it takes for me to speak"

As I reached the door, I took a deep breath of the foul smell of the environment. My hand lay on the doorknob and was half open when his words reached my ears. There was no need to shout from a distance, the echo of the stones made it easy for me to hear the smallest whisper of the perpetrator. I opened the door, but not before dedicating my last words.

"Goodbye Jaeger"

And behind me, I closed the door.

#shingeki no kyojin #attack on titan #snk #aot #eren jaeger #eren jaeger x reader #eren x reader #snk x reader #aot x reader #uuuufff #this was looong #shingeki no kyojin x reader #attack on titan x reader #angst #eren smut

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lostinthewiind · 2 years

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Brave Heart: Chapter Forty-Five

Attack on Titan

Rating: Mature

Warnings: sexual themes, death, gore, mature themes, extreme violence, body horror, blood, weapons, major character death, age-gap relationship

4 Years Later

Cool breeze flowing through her silky blonde locks, Vera sat happily on the balcony of her bedroom, a book in her lap and her eyes flickering between the words on the page and the bustling street below.

For the past four years, Marley had been locked in a war with the Mid-East Allied Forces; a war that had sent the people of Marley into panic and the Marleyan military into overdrive. Since then, Silvia had been much busier at work, leaving Vera to navigate her new life alone. Well, not totally alone, because she had Natalie by her side to help her figure things out.

She had hoped to have Reiner by her side more, but once the war had been declared, he and the others who possessed Titan powers had been shipped out to the front lines and barely returned for more than a few days at a time. And even then, Vera was kept at a distance, mostly by her mother who didn't love seeing her prestigious daughter with a man who wore an armband, regardless of his status within the military.

Vera, however, didn't see herself as prestigious, and truth be told, neither did anyone else. The only person who regarded Vera as a 'lady of high society' was her mother, who tried desperately to uphold her daughter's good name among her important friends despite the fact Vera spent her days with Natalie, who did everything she could to piss off her rich parents, and Reiner, who was an Eldian Warrior with a red armband that shocked the men in expensive suits and women in shimmering pearls whenever he was seen with her.

For the past four years, Vera's life had been a whirlwind, and although she had tried to prevent it, her previous life and thrilling four months as a soldier on Paradis Island had all but slipped from her memory. As important as her work had been, four months was a blink of an eye when compared to four whole years.

As hard as she had tried to prevent it, everyday things no longer reminded her of her friends—of the people who probably didn't even spare her a second thought anymore. Eren, Mikasa, Armin, Sasha, Connie, Jean, Hange, Levi . . . they had all moved on by then. After all, a person you had known for four months—or three years and four months, in the case of those Vera had trained with—wasn't worth dwelling over for four years.

The past four years, Vera had been subtly involved in a whole new war against a whole new group of people. Today, however, it was all changing. The day before, Marley had finally ended the war. Fort Slava had fallen, the Mid-East fleet had been sunk in the harbour, and the Mid-East Allied Forces had been given no choice but to sign a peace treaty.

Today, it was all over. Today, Reiner would be coming home for good.

When cheering began to erupt from the street below, Vera closed the book she had been pretending to read and threw it atop the table in front of herself. Jumping to her feet, she leaned over the railing of her balcony and watched down the street for the arrival of the Marleyan military.

Once the troops came into view, Vera kept her eyes peeled as she searched for the familiar face among the sea of warriors and soldiers. Reiner, however, had spotted her first and had lifted his hand high into the air to catch her attention. Once her blue eyes met his brown ones, she grinned wide and waved happily. Over the years, Reiner had matured in many ways; and not just physically with the appearance of his chiselled adult features and facial hair. Now, he was a grown, twenty-one-year-old man who spent every waking moment making his family and country proud and who tried his damndest to live by his morals.

And Vera, a grown, twenty-two-year-old woman, had all but fallen in love with him all over again. She had tried her hardest not to, but when someone spends every chance trying to make things right and impress you for four years straight, it's hard to keep an aching heart at bay for very long.

Beside Reiner was Pieck Finger, the Quadraped Titan that Vera had first met back on Paradis Island—who was better known as the Cart Titan—, Porco Galliard, who had eaten Ymir and gained possession of the Jaw Titan, and Zeke Jeager, the Beast Titan.

It had been a lot for Vera when she had first learned about Ymir having been in Marley at the same time as her, followed up by the fact that she had died before either one of them had been aware of each other's presence. Porco's brother, Marcel, had been the boy Ymir had originally eaten to obtain her Titan powers and end her suffering as a mindless Titan—meaning that she had also originally been born in Marley and sentenced to life as a Titan for crimes that Vera was unaware of. In a way, it was sort of a roundabout way of divine retribution if Vera wanted to try and look on the bright side of things, but more often than not, she got hung up on the fact that yet another soldier from the 104th was now dead.

It had also been a lot when she had learned that Zeke was Eren's half brother, followed up by the entire story of Grisha Jaeger, Eren's dad, and how he had been born in Marley and eventually made his way to Paradis Island, which lined up with the story Sadis had told them all those years ago about Grisha randomly appearing outside of the walls.

As time went on, more and more of Vera's past and the mysteries she and the others had been trying to figure out on Paradis Island came to light in Marley. Grisha's story about travelling to Paradis Island and starting a family echoed the story of Vera's mother as well, shining a light on just how much knowledge the Eldians had lost when their memories had been wiped.

As horrible as Marley had seemed in the beginning—and as horrible as it still was at times—it really had been the answer to all of Vera's questions.

Dropping her hand, Vera diverted her attention to the four children happily trailing behind Reiner and the other warriors. Those four children were working hard to prove themselves in hopes of one day inheriting the Armoured Titan from Reiner, who was spending every day evaluating them for when his thirteen-year term ended. The kids—Gabi, Falco, Udo, and Zofia—looked pleased as punch as the cheering crowds welcomed them back, their yellow armbands proving their status as Warrior Candidates for all to see.

Catching Gabi's eye, Vera gave a small wave to her as well. Gabi was Reiner's younger cousin, and as nice and accepting as she was now, Vera also knew that she would absolutely change her tune if she knew that Vera was really from Paradis Island. Gabi and just about everyone else in Marley referred to people like Vera as 'Island Devils.' Vera tried not to let it get to her, but whenever she heard it, she was brutally reminded that she could never be her true self in Marley. She would never truly belong amongst these people, and only one person knew exactly how she felt.

Reiner.

Reiner, who never got mad at her when they went out together and she was treated differently purely because of the lie she was letting everyone believe. Reiner, who always listened to her crying and complaining about missing Paradis Island and how much she hated her mother for constantly trying to make her into someone she wasn't. Reiner, who brought her flowers and always ran his fingertips over the yellow dahlia necklace she wore.

Reiner, who was grinning up at her and waving, his gaze never leaving her even when he almost tripped over the person in front of himself while walking.

Smiling so wide that her cheeks began to ache, Vera turned and hurried back into her room and out into the hallway. Barely sparing her mother, who was sitting in the living room, a second glance, Vera burst out the front door and was immediately greeted with Reiner standing at the bottom of her steps.

"Welcome back." Vera wrapped her arms around his neck and hugged him tightly. "Congratulations on winning the war."

Wrapping his arms around Vera's waist in return, Reiner lifted her off the ground a few inches and gave her a slow spin. "All thanks to Gabi." Reiner looked back at his cousin, who was currently being showered with praises and pats on the back from her fellow comrades. "She's shaping up to be one hell of a warrior. The family is going to be so proud."

Vera tried not to think too hard about the fact that every single Eldian member of the Marleyan military had to, first and foremost, pledge to spend their lives trying to repent for their sins of being born Eldian. She tried not to think too hard about how the people like her were treated as second-class citizens, even when they went out and risked their lives to win pointless wars. She tried not to think about the armbands.

"They're proud of you too." Vera cupped Reiner's cheek with her hand, reminding herself over and over again that the two of them were just friends. The last thing he needed was for her to go and toy with the delicate relationship they had spent the past four years rebuilding. "I'm proud of you."

Reiner just smiled, his hands still on Vera's waist. "I missed you."

"I missed you too," Vera told him. "I wouldn't have had to miss you so much if my mom would have just agreed to let me join the military, however."

Reiner rolled his eyes again. "Not this again."

"Yes, this again!" Vera huffed. "I was an excellent soldier before and I could still be an excellent soldier now. But no, I have to spend my days inside, reading and learning history and wearing stupid skirts and blouses so that I can one day marry a rich man and continue the legacy my mother has tried so hard to craft for my poor hopeless self."

Reiner laughed. "You look good in the skirts and blouses though."

"I look good in everything. That isn't the point." Vera hit him lightly on the bicep. "Come on, at least admit that I was a great soldier."

"You were the best soldier."

"Thank you. Now tell that to my mother."

"Nope. No way." Reiner shook his head. "Your mom scares me. Her glares could kill."

Vera stuck out her bottom lip dramatically and pouted. "But I don't want to marry a rich man and be stuck as some stuffy housewife."

Corners of his mouth curling up into a soft smile, Reiner lifted his hand and ran the tips of his fingers over the yellow dahlia necklace that Vera never took off. "I'll make sure that doesn't happen," he told her. "I promise."

Vera returned his smile with her own. She had never told him what the significance behind the necklace was—how it was meant to replace the pin that Levi had originally given her. He didn't need to know, and truthfully, over time, Vera had slowly stopped associating the necklace with the man she had once cherished so greatly.

Levi had probably forgotten about her, and for his sake, she hoped he had. She hoped he had moved on and managed to open up to someone else. She hoped he was stealing kisses and giving cute little gifts to someone else because the thought of him pining for her the same way she did for him some nights broke her heart into a million pieces.

Vera herself had moved on from almost everyone—she was able to eat meat and not think of Sasha and catch glimpses of the ocean and not be reminded of Armin—but when she looked up at the grey moon at night, it reminded her of Levi's dark eyes and she couldn't stop herself from clutching her hand over her necklace and letting silent tears stream down her face.

When the front door behind the two swung open and Silvia stepped out onto the porch, Vera and Reiner let go of each other in such a rapid fashion it was as if they had been caught doing something much more scandalous than simply hugging.

Silvia cleared her throat, eyeing the two before her usual, presentable smile graced her lips. "Welcome back, Vice Chief Braun," she greeted, her tone delightful and warm. The piercing glint in her eyes while she shot disapproving glares toward the two young adults, however, was evidence that she was less than pleased despite her cheery demeanour.

"Thank you, Ms. Lepstein." Reiner bowed his head slightly as a sign of respect. "It's good to be back."

Unsure whether to participate in this interaction or not, Vera averted her gaze to her shoes and clasped her hands behind her back where she fiddled with her fingers nervously. She was well aware that her mother didn't like her hanging around Reiner, which confused Vera greatly considering she would never be in Marely in the first place without him—proving that Silvia was just another Marleyan who had zero qualms against using the Eldians for personal gain and treating them like scum the rest of the time.

"Well, I'm sure you have plenty of people waiting to congratulate you on your stupendous victory." Silvia ushered Reiner gently back onto the street, not-so-subtly getting rid of him before he could further corrupt her precious daughter. "Thank you for stopping by. Your presence is always delightful."

Reiner shot a worrying look over his shoulder at Vera, but before he could say another word, he was being swept back up into the sea of warriors. With a sheepish smile and wave, he turned and continued down the street without being able to spend nearly as much time with Vera as he would have liked.

"You don't have to be so outwardly prejudiced against him." Vera narrowed her eyes at her mother.

"Vice Chief Braun has more important things to do than stand around chatting," Silvia said. "He doesn't need to be coming around here nearly as much as he does."

Vera scoffed. "I thought you wanted me to make more friends because you thought Natalie was a bad influence."

"I do." Silvia nodded. "I just wish you would be more selective with the people you associate yourself with. People who are . . . well, you know."

"No, say it," Vera prompted, but when her mother remained silent, she rolled her eyes. "You want me to be seen with people who you approve of—who are less like me."

"Oh, for goodness sake, Vera. You and Reiner are nothing alike."

Vera frowned. "No, you just wish we weren't."

With that, Silvia turned on her heel and disappeared back into the house. After having accomplished her task of getting rid of the filthy half-Eldian, she no longer wished to stick around simply to argue with her daughter.

Vera's shoulders slumped and she sighed. She could still remember the day when Reiner had told her about the fact that he was half-Eldian and half-Marleyan just like her. She assumed this would increase her mother's view of him, but turns out, Silvia had known all along and it wasn't the fact that Reiner had any amount of Eldian or Marleyan blood in him that made him different, but simply that he wasn't important to Silvia.

The only reason that Silvia treated Vera with any love and respect was that she was her daughter. Vera often wondered how her own mother would view her if she wasn't her mother at all. If the two of them were just strangers, would Silvia turn her nose up at Vera like she did every other Eldian?

Vera didn't know how her mother had gone from someone who had fallen in love with an Eldian man and started a family with him to the elitist woman she was now. Vera wondered if the mother from her memories was the same mother she spent her current days with.

What had happened during those fourteen years apart?

"Why the long face?" Natalie's loud voice broke through the sounds of the crowd. "Was the reunion with your handsome Vice Chief not how you had imagined?"

Vera rolled her eyes as she pushed the troublesome thoughts from her head and turned to face her friend. "He's not my anything."

"Not with that attitude he isn't." Natalie laughed loudly. "But that's okay, the less time you spend chasing after your man means you have more time to help me chase after mine."

Vera groaned. "How much longer are you going to keep accosting Porco before you finally just ask him out or something?"

"Because 'just asking him out' isn't any fun," Natalie pointed out. "You know that my only joy in life comes from seeing the tips of his ears turn red from anger."

"Remember when you told me that you 'didn't give a shit about the military or the Eldians or the Titans'?" Vera eyed her friend. "What happened to that version of you? I miss her."

Natalie waved her hand at Vera. "She matured and realized that you can still elicit entertainment from things you don't necessarily like."

"So you don't necessarily like Porco, is what you're saying? You just elicit entertainment from him?"

"Precisely."

"Liar," Vera smirked. "You have the biggest crush on him it isn't even funny. You're quite literally the adult embodiment of a little boy pulling the pigtails of the girl he likes."

Natalie gasped. "I do not have a crush on him!"

"We are way too old and I am way too smart for you to try and play these games with me, Natalie. I think it's sweet if you like him. I think you should just buck up and ask him out."

Natalie furrowed her brows. "I don't like it when you talk to me like we're responsible adults."

"Oh, I'm sorry. Should I go back to acknowledging your delusions then?"

"Yes, please."

Vera chuckled, instantly forgetting about her previous troubles. Natalie followed suit, her eyes watering with how hard she was laughing.

"Okay, but seriously, you are aware that Reiner is full-on in love with you, right?" Natalie leaned against the porch bannister of Vera's house and watched the remainder of the troops march down the street accompanied by their many vehicles and weapons. "Because it's starting to get annoying having to constantly watch him fall all over you like a little puppy."

Vera hung her head. "You know it's more complicated than that."

"But it doesn't have to be! You like him! He likes you!" Natalie looked like she was seconds away from ripping her hair out. "It's been four years of this, Vera. Just kiss the man already and see what happens."

"We've already kissed before." Vera let the comment slip without realization, eyes widening with panic immediately.

"Excuse me?!" Natalie shouted. "Why is this the first I'm hearing about this?!"

Vera held her hands up as Natalie charged toward her, brows set. "It was so long ago and it wasn't even a big deal. I don't think it even counted as a kiss, honestly."

"Did his lips touch yours?" Natalie asked.

Vera nodded slowly. "Well, yes, but-"

"But nothing! That's a kiss! A kiss you never told me about! When did it happen? Have you kissed again since? What else haven't you told me? What is happening right now?!"

"Calm down!" Vera insisted. "It wasn't a big deal. Reiner and I are just friends. It happened a long time ago, before . . . before we were friends. Can we just drop it now, please?"

Natalie's lips parted in preparation to bombard Vera with a million follow-up questions, but at the last second, decided against it and snapped her mouth shut. "Fine. But from here on out, no more secrets. Deal?"

Vera smiled softly. "Deal." She was lying already. There were hundreds of things Natalie didn't know about Vera; hundreds of things she could never know, just like the general population of Marley.

"Good." Natalie grabbed Vera's wrist and started dragging her after the crowd of warriors and citizens. "Now, come on. The celebration to welcome back the troops is going to be amazing and there is no way we are going to miss it."

Vera snickered. "Yeah, wouldn't want to miss your chance to see Porco again; especially when alcohol is involved."

"Shut your mouth or I will ask Reiner all the questions about the kiss that I have been kindly keeping to myself."

Vera smushed her lips together. "Who needs men, right? Let's get drunk and pretend we've got atrocious accents when speaking to strangers."

Natalie grinned. "Now you're talking."

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smoothie-sailing · 3 years

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The freedom we give to ourselves

How does one find freedom in a cruel and cynical world? What does freedom even mean? What would it feel like? How will we know when we see it? These have been recurring questions throughout this story. We seem to explore attempts at the answer to this question through the perspective of characters.

Kenny Ackerman’s life in pursuit of power led him to realise a truth about himself and the people around him. this idea of being drunk on something. That People need something to believe in to keep them going, to keep them from being broken by life’s suffering. Something that they hope gives each of their lives meaning. Each character’s pursuit towards this idea is what they believe will give them freedom from suffering.

Zeke was no exception to this, he sees the suffering he experienced as a suffering inherent in being an Eldian in this world. He was drunk on the idea that his and the collective suffering would stop if Eldians ceased to exist.

Despite this proposition, Zeke was able to find true freedom not by pursuing his personal mission through to the end but by letting it go. This push to move forward: to explain himself, his life, his suffering. It has brought him only more dissatisfaction and pain. He kept moving forward and when Eren took power from Ymir he was just sitting inert in Paths. It is not until his conversation with Armin that he truly looks back and reflects. Armin talks about a time where he was just having an aimless moment shared between loved ones. Zeke looks within and finds himself playing catch with Xaver. It has no meaning but it is a moment in his life where he’s not suffering but nor is he striving to push forward with some grand purpose. He is simply… existing. Without complication. Without justification. He is just someone who exists in this world because he was born into it. A simple moment with a profound effect: that life has intrinsic value and purpose regardless of how cruel it may seem. Zeke has now found that peace he was looking for his entire life. That feeling stays with him right up to the moments of his death. He can’t take back all the blood he has shed but for a few moments to take in the clear sky of the day. He can just exist.

There has been an exhaustive debate in and out of the story of who or what the true devil of humanity is supposed to be. The devil of all earth that plagues humanity. I don’t believe it is Eren but I do believe he is the person in the story most seduced by it. I put forward that the devil of humanity isn’t a person born once in a generation, it is not a creature or some sort of supernatural force. The devil of humanity is the cycle of violence itself. A tiny glimmer of light or fear of the dark that pushes us into war, into chaos, into hell.

We may believe we see something beyond it. Something we can gain or something we fear will be taken from us if we don’t answer the call: “Do this and your dream will come true, you will be safe, you will be loved, the pain will stop” Just once. Then once again. Then once more. Before you know it, you are gripping the wheel of a sinking ship so heavy you have no hope of turning it on your own. But that may be the very thing that can stop it. Hope. The hope you give yourself in small acts of faith. Kindness. Compassion. Empathy. Seeing beyond the walls that trap your spirit. Not to seek out freedom taken from you but to reconnect with the freedom you always had that never left, your humanity.

If this is Isayama’s message, that freedom is in finding one’s humanity. One finds freedom by reconnecting with their humanity. I put forward that the most free person in this story has been Mr Blouse, Sasha’s father.

Mr Blouse is the person in the story most consistently connected to his own humanity and humanity as a collective whole. He makes it a principle to stay connected to it. So much so that when given a justifiable choice to take revenge on Gabi for killing his daughter. He instead chose to forgive her and console both her and Niccolo showing her the most humane act she had ever received. She did not have to justify her existence as a good Eldian in that moment, she was accepted as another person who deserved to exist even if she’d made mistakes.

From Gabi’s experience and perspective, nothing made more sense than Mr Blouse killing her for what she did. What he decided to do was so simple yet its impact was profound. He reached Gabi because he saw something real beyond answering hate with hate. He sees a precious freedom beyond this cycle, and now thanks to what he did Gabi can see beyond it too and was able to find her humanity.

How does this relate to the main character of the story, Eren. Eren’s case is a very tragic one. No one is more emotionally attached to the idea of freedom than Eren, it has a specific imprint within his psyche. However there also lies the imprint of the wall within his psyche and all the trauma associated with it. From an early age Eren, at his most traumatised, found a resolve to find freedom from this horrific nightmare by destroying those who took his freedom from him at any cost. But in finding this resolve and trusting it above anything else, he had unknowingly damned himself.

The wall is so strongly associated with trauma in Eren’s mind, and now with the release of the wall titans, he is literally weaponizing his trauma and aiming it at the rest of the world. Yams is establishing that humanity is the only real freedom we have and Eren had always expected freedom to be beyond the walls. However, because of Eren’s compounded trauma, humanity is the ultimate enemy. In sacrificing his humanity and wiping all of it from the outside world, he is destroying the freedom he wanted for himself and for everyone in the world.

This happens all in the basement of his old home in Shiganshina. Eren was on the cusp of moving beyond his trauma when suddenly all of that pain, all of those triggers were reformatted, given new context when he learned the truth of his world. Why all of this pain and suffering happened to him. Once he met the formative father of his new world rebirth – Eren Kruger.

Eren has found stability in this turmoil by latching onto Kruger’s mindset, believing Kruger to embody what he needs to be to save those he cares about. In this new large and scary world, Eren sees Kruger as the person he will have to be to exist, to make a change. Eren has assimilated Kruger into his identity, evident from Eren taking Kruger’s name during his time spent in Marley. In how we are introduced to him post time skip, Eren is pursuing action using Kruger’s words to young Grisha about the Zeppelin.

Freedom is hard fought and after fighting tooth and nail and suffering and pushing as hard as he can, he will have his freedom.

Culminating in the Jaeger trio at the Reiss family cave, we finally see how far Eren’s resolve has pushed him. Eren is not the devil but he is the one most seduced by it (pushing forward the cycle of violence). He tells Grisha to do this to justify his own belief that this was necessary. To sacrifice his humanity, the humanity he managed to find in the walls after a life of pain and anger as soldier of revolutionary radicalism. For Eren, sacrificing one’s humanity is what is necessary. But Eren misunderstood what he was supposed to take away from Kruger’s life.

There is an additional meaning behind Kruger’s final words to Grisha – in sacrificing his humanity to get to this point, he has lost everything precious to him. All that exists is the end goal, the zeppelin. Seeing the zeppelin is… all there is. It won’t give you back what you lost or what you have told yourself you need to take back: aka your humanity. Eren’s “sight” is the zeppelin and he believes seeing it will give him back the freedom taken from him. It’s no coincidence that Grisha looks like Eren when he reflects on the day that traumatised him the most.

We see Kruger talking to Grisha further after he is given his mission. As Kruger prepares the serum for Grisha he mentions that he won’t know who will be watching this memory. If we take the ironic nature of this story into consideration, this can also mean that he doesn’t know if whomever is watching these memories will stop watching before he is about to say what he says. It takes place at the end of the chapter after we see Eren finding his new resolve and coming to grips with what he has learned and what he needs to do. This may be implying that this further discussion between Kruger and Grisha is something that Eren didn’t actually see. Kruger’s final important message to Grisha is to love someone. Be it a wife, a friend, the people around you. In specific terms, treasure your humanity and preserve it no matter what happens. Like Mr. Blouse, treasure the humanity found in others, even in enemies who have wronged you or may wrong you. Because that is what it means to find life intrinsically valuable. That is the only way to end this cycle of violence and ironically what Kruger has realised after losing so much of his own and now Eren in turn.

So if the path to freedom is to find one’s humanity does this mean that the cycle of violence can be wiped out and the devil of humanity will stop plaguing the world? I don’t think that’s a question Yam’s is capable of answering nor does he intend to.

However, I think he may propose that if it is possible for the main character of the story, the one who has been the most seduced by the cycle of violence and spilled the most blood is able to give himself back his humanity after willingly sacrificing so much of it. Then there is hope for anyone of us to find true freedom. Not everyone, but anyone. Because not just knowing but realising that we are all human, and valuing that, is what makes us truly free.

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wakatvshi · 3 years

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Helloooo!!!i would to ask if you could write a bertholdt x reader where (please get ready for it it complicated as hell) where reader notices that bert likes annie and decides to help him while the reader like armin but during all this bertholdt and the reader start falling for eachother<3 sorry its so long TwT but if its to much i understand!!

This was so much fun to write! I really hope you like this and that other people like it too! It got kinda long but I couldn’t help myself. Tell me if you like it!

warnings: literally none.

word count: 2224

“So! Did you decide to go through with my plan?” Bertholdt jumped when you grabbed his arm, stopping him from walking outside the mess hall. “Today is one of the only free days we have and if we don’t do your part today I don’t know when we’ll get another chance.” This whole ‘convince Annie to date Bertholdt’ thing had been your idea originally. You’d seen him staring at her when he thought no one was looking, it was a pathetic look honestly but you recognized it to well. It was the same one you had when you saw Armin. Only where you had the nerve to actually speak to him, Bertholdt clammed up in normal conversations, let alone talking to Annie.

When he hadn’t replied you looked back at him only to realize he was staring at your hand still holding onto his forearm. You felt your face heat up and quickly let go, what the hell was wrong with you? You had to focus on trying to help him and think less about how surprisingly muscular his forearm was. This was about Bertholdt and Annie. And Armin and yourself eventually. Whenever it felt right to say something you’d do it. Of course you would.

Behind you Bertholdt cleared his throat and you looked to him, “I just… are we sure it should be today? Maybe she’s busy or… something.” He’d gotten better at not blushing at every mention of her name but you could still see the pink tinge in his cheeks. That and the fact that after all these weeks spent together trying to get him confident enough to talk to Annie, you’d learned to read him pretty decently. “We could just try another time I don’t know about today. I don’t want to bother her.”

He was sweet. Even if he was just saying it to try to get out of talking to her, he was still sweet. It was almost annoying actually, the amount of things about him you found endearing. The way he sometimes stuttered, the way he played with his hands when he was nervous and oddly enough when he’d break out in nervous sweats. Before you’d never really given him much thought but since helping him you’d almost been able to do nothing but think of him.

Your agreeing to help him was in part you wanting to help him and the other part wanting to get closer to Armin. You could talk to the blonde just fine but when it came to knowing what he liked, that you had no idea. Bertholdt and Armin were pretty close, when you saw them together usually they were reading or talking about some book they’d read. Armin’s intelligence was really amazing to well… everyone here and his theories and such on the books he read was amazing. Aside from Mikasa and Eren it was Bertholdt who listened to him talk about it. You’d tried but honestly you didn’t really get it but you liked the passion in his voice.

But that was why you went to Bertholdt. It was supposed to be a mutual help thing with helping you both get the people you liked. You messed up though. Somewhere between asking Bertholdt for help and having him pretend you were Annie to confess to her your interest in Armin started fading. You hadn’t meant for it to happen but before you even knew it Bertholdt was the only one on your mind.

That was why you needed to get him with Annie. The sooner that actually happened the sooner you could force this crush out of your mind. As soon as you shook this feeling you’d be back to realizing how great Armin was. If Annie rejected him it would be harder to get over it but you’d do it. Not that you wanted to think about Annie rejecting him either, you couldn’t imagine how crushed he’d be. If your plan failed you’d also be partly to blame for convincing him that she would like him. But literally you couldn’t see a single reason why she wouldn’t.

You gave him a small smile before you shook your head, “Today is a free day. You know Annie. She’s literally going to take the chance to just do nothing and be alone all day. So this is the chance, tell her you just need help trying to out do Reiner in hand-to-hand combat and she’ll help you.” Bertholdt was really a jack of all trades, there wasn’t anything you’d seen him not excel at let alone fail. But if he brought up beating Reiner it would get her.

“You really think it will work?” He sounded hesitant, but you’d put a lot into figuring out what would get the two of them alone possibly long enough for him to work up the courage to confess. “I really don’t think she’s interested in me like that Y/N. She barely even looks at me.”

You bit back the jealousy that crept on you again, this was for him. If you liked him you would help him be happy. “She looks at you more than you think Bertholdt. And if she does say no you tried, you were brave! You told me you wanted to be more confident and this is your chance, I believe in you.” Before you could stop yourself you continued, “And anyone who rejects you is an idiot. You’re amazing.”

His green eyes widened and he opened his mouth only to quickly close it. Did you say too much? Give away your feelings? You couldn’t regret what you said though, it was the truth. “I can do it.” The resolve in his voice made your own eyes widen. “I’ll do it today. I can’t leave it like it is.”

With that he was gone, walking out of the mess hall muttering to himself and you were left standing there. Watching him walk away so he could get ready to tell Annie that he was practically in love with her. And that was fine. You could do that. You could handle it. The tears pricking the backs of your eyes were trying to tell a different story.

Deciding to spend the rest of your free day after lunch in your bunk was the best idea. Most of the others were off doing their own thing, you could hear Sasha and Connie outside arguing with Jean about something. Marco was probably watching them and Armin, Mikasa and Eren were undoubtedly together somewhere. You knew you’d be welcome to join one of them but you were sure Sasha would try to cheer you up and seeing Armin right now… you think you could.

This whole thing was supposed to push Bertholdt to Annie and you to Armin. You hadn’t even noticed until he brought it up that you’d really done nothing to help you get to know Armin better. It was easy then to just shrug it off and tell him you would help him woo Annie before the focus turned to you. You thought that was what it was in the beginning but you knew better now.

Turning your head at the sound of a knock on the door you were surprised to see Reiner standing in the doorway of the girls barracks. “Bertholdt said he changed his mind.” One of his own rules were to leave Reiner out of it, he didn’t want his best friend getting involved in his love life because he’d never live it down. “He said you’d know what that meant.”

Letting out a huff you pushed yourself off the bed, “Did he say why? This was the perfect chance!” Reiner to his credit did his best to not look too confused, it was clear he wasn’t used to not knowing what was going on with Bertholdt. “Where is he?”

The blonde male stepped to the side when you pushed past him outside of the barracks. “He’s outside the training grounds.” Reiner jerked his head in the direction, “What’s he supposed to be doing?”

“Doesn’t matter.”You walked off towards the training grounds leaving the confused man behind. This was supposed to be the day. He’d sounded so sure of himself earlier, you’d never heard him sound so sure of anything as long as you’d known him. Whatever was holding him back you could talk him through, he could do this. You knew he could, he just needed to get that confidence he had before back.

As much as he needed to do this you needed him to. If he was with Annie you could give yourself a sure reason why he didn’t want you other than the fact that you just weren’t his type. If he was off limits it would be easier to accept. And you wanted him happy or to at least be able to say he’d tried. If he was able to at least try maybe it would help him with the next person he fell for. You’d put weeks into this, sat there and watched him go from a blushing mess to actually being able to say “I like you Annie..” Even if it was so stuttered you hardly understood him.

The first time he’d said that, even if it was to you ‘as Annie’ you knew you’d fallen too deep. But still you pushed on and helped him, he deserved love. Even if it wasn’t with you. You’d help him because he deserved that. Your feelings about him didn’t matter in the end.

Passing Mina, Thomas and a few others trying to work with their ODM gear you headed towards one of the other small clearings near by. You weren’t sure where he was exactly but this was the most common place to find he and Reiner when they decided to do their ‘push up contests’ or whatever it was they did so it was the best place to start.

Stepping into the clearing you spotted Bertholdt sitting on one of the large rocks not looking your way. He was staring down, probably at his hands where you could practically see him fidgeting even though you couldn’t actually see him. You’d memorized too many things about him by now.

Letting out a small sigh you walked over towards him, the man in question not realizing you were there until you started crawling up the rock he was sitting on. He glanced back at you over his shoulder, watching you until you sat down next to him. The two of you were quiet for a few minutes, you looking at him and Bertholdt just staring down. “What happened?” You finally asked.

He looked at you for a second before he shrugged and looked out at the trees. “I don’t know. I just couldn’t tell Annie.” You’d not seen Annie since breakfast that morning but you didn’t know if he actually tried, hopefully he did. “I thought about it, I wanted to. But then I realized it wouldn’t work.”

“I mean Annie’s a bit hard to get along with but you knew that when you decided this earlier.” You had no idea what made him change his mind but you’d hoped he’d do it. You liked seeing the confidence on his face.

Bertholdt let out a bit of a laugh before he shook his head, “That’s not actually what I decided.” He bit the inside of his lip and you could see him withdraw in on himself. “I was going to confess but… I can’t confess to Annie.”

Raising an eyebrow at him you waited for him to continue but he didn’t. You could see his hands shaking a little and you wanted to reach out and grab his hand but you stopped yourself. “Why not?”

“It’s not her.” His words came out in a rush, “I can’t tell her I like her when I don’t.” If you weren’t used to his stuttering you’d not understand him “It wouldn’t be fair. To her or uh… you.”

You could feel your heart pounding in your chest, he couldn’t be saying that could he? There was no way he was actually saying what you thought he was. “Not fair to me? Because I helped you? It’s… I can help you with another person!” That had to be what he meant.

Bertholdt looked away from you, “I’m sorry.” He closed his eyes, “I know about Armin and I was supposed to help you but I just… I can’t. I’m sorry I don’t even know when it happened.” He looked ashamed, “But I said I was going to do it. I was going to confess and… I did”

That was true. He thought you were still in love with Armin and he was sitting here confessing to you. Even though he thought you would reject him he still told you that he liked you. You couldn’t help the laughter that bubbled up in your chest, “Yeah. You did.” You could feel the tears building up in your eyes.

You didn’t notice the hurt look on his face when you threw your arms around him, burying your face in his shoulder. “It’s not Armin either. It hasn’t been Armin for a long time.” You looked at him again, his entire face was bright red but he was slowly moving his arms around you. “It’s you.”

#bertholdt hoover #bertolt hoover #bertholdt hoover x reader #bertolt hoover x reader #bertholdt x reader #bertolt x reader #aot x reader #attack on titan x reader #my writing #rq #Anonymous

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xtodorcki · 3 years

Text

“Sides,” Armin x Reader

We’re gonna act like Annie doesn’t exist. Bear w/ me.

Summary: Being the female titan, you join the scouts to gather information to bring back to Marley but you end up falling for Armin which makes you debate whether or not you should continue to be a spy.

Warnings: end of s3 spoilers mixed with beginning of s4, a lil bit of angst.

Armin x Fem!Reader

The long years of training to become a scout was finally over, during the training corps- you tried to keep your distance away from others except for Reiner and Bertholdt but placing in the top ten and choosing to go forward with being in the scout regiment, it was a lot harder to avoid talking to the others.

Armin was the first and only person to easily come up and talk to you. He liked your strength and how confident you were during training, he always asked for help when it came to combat and at first you would decline and reject his pleas for you to help him.

You weren’t here for friendships, you were here to gather information. But time went on, the more Armin came up to you, the more you softened up. He was always sweet and gentle with you, always complimenting you and talking about how great you were at being a scout.

He was always making sure you were okay, mentally and physically. He was always by your side, being a good friend but deep down he already had feelings for you, he had them since the training corps.

When it came to him, all he ever thought about was Eren and Mikasa but when he seen you, it was kinda like love at first sight until he seen you in action. You were very intelligent, strong, selfless and brave. It was the reason why he liked you so much.

One day it had hit you, the feelings and realization, you were slowly falling in love with Armin the more you hung out with him, the more you worked with him and it was driving you crazy.

The days he would come up to you, giving you a simple cup of coffee or when out in the field he would be in complete awe of the way you were so good at the ODM gear and easily slaughtered the Titans without hesitation. He admired you.

You even tried to convinced Reiner and Bertholdt to go back to Marley early because you felt yourself slowly slipping and giving into Armin. You wanted to go back home and prevent you messing up the mission. You told them to leave and give the information you already have but they refused and it made you think about a lot.

Then Armin started to sit in your room most nights, ranting about beautiful things and ideas he had in that big brain of his. He even opened up about seeing the ocean to you, shocking the both of you because he only ever told Eren and Mikasa.

“I don’t mean to ramble, I know I do it a lot.” He admitted, his cheeks turning a light shade of red and you shook your head.

“No, I enjoy listening to you.” The way his eyes lit up when he turned to look at you, his heart pounding inside his chest.

Armin was never much of a bold person, he was shy and emotional and people seen him as weak for it but when you looked at him, it had given him that boost of confidence to lean over and press his lips on yours.

It had caught both of you off guard, he wasn’t expecting you to kiss him back and you weren’t expecting a kiss from him at all. It was only a small gentle kiss but it made your heart flutter, feeling as if it was going to explode out of your chest.

He gave you a small smile, standing up from your bed and grabbing the book he had brought to show you and you watched him walk to the door, he was completely flustered.

“I’ll talk to you tomorrow, I hope you sleep well.” He turns towards you, waving bye and walked out of your room to leave you with your thoughts.

The way your parents at home would be completely disappointed in you, everyone at home would be disappointed in you but hanging around Armin more made your eyes open up and shine light on why they hated the Titans and you understood.

You had become one of them and you hated to admit that but you’ve never met someone like Armin, he was different and beautiful in so many ways. You were willing to risk your home for him.

The day had came to where you had to use your titan form, not wanting to but Reiner had threatened you otherwise and it just made you feel guilty. You felt like you were betraying Armin and it made your heart break piece by piece.

You glanced over at them, sighing under your breath and leaped off the wall, your body transforming into the large female titan. You hated this with every fiber in your being but you just ran off to get the job done and return back with no questions asked.

Once the plan was done, the job that Reiner couldve simply done but forced you to do, you had heard the scouts from afar and quickly ran to hide to get out of the giant body you were hiding in.

You broke out of the tough skin, gasping for air and seeing the steam around you as you quickly got out and landed on the hard ground, your eyes moved up and suddenly they met with a pair of blue ones.

“Y/N?” Armin’s voice cracked, his heart squeezing in his chest at the sight of you, he had seen everything and the stripes under your eyes proven to be true.

“Armin, wait.” You had reached out for him but he flinched back, his eyes wide and filling up with tears.

“You’re the... you’re the female titan, you were a titan this whole time.” He shook his head, in disbelief and the memories of you two that flooded his head convinced him they were all fake.

All the nights he stayed in your bed, rambling about anything and the way he would cuddle you, kiss parts of your body and always leaving your lips for last because that was his favorite spot.

He assumed they were all fake. You were an imposter.

“Let me explain, please.” You had tried to plead with him, your hands trying to grab onto his but he continued to back away from you, terrified.

“Explain what? I just saw you! You’re a titan!” He yelled at you, making you freeze in your spot and you accepted defeat at that point.

You never wanted to hurt Armin or lie to him and the way the tears streamed down his face, it made your heart hurt and it made you drop to your knees- running away would just make you look more like a criminal to Armin and that’s the last thing you wanted to do.

You heard the scouts from afar coming closer, your sad eyes staring into his and you moved your head to look down at the ground.

“I never wanted to lie to you, Armin. I love you more than anything.. even enough to get myself arrested right now. I don’t want to lose you, everything... everything we shared was fucking real to me. Just please let me explain everything.” You were in tears, not caring about your family or your home, you were willing to give it all up for him.

He stared at you, stunned with his eyes wide and he finally took a step forward towards you. The hurt in your eyes made him soften up, making him drop to his knees in front of you and you lifted your head up to look at him.

“Why?” He whispered towards you, he was confused, beyond confused. He never expected this out of you, he loved you too much to believe you could be capable of this

“I knew I would get taken and tortured if I revealed that I’m a titan shifter. Look what they did to Eren, they almost killed him.” You rushed out, making him stare at you and he hated how easily he gave into you.

He embraced you in a tight hug, catching you by surprise as you felt his hair tickling the side of your face and you hesitated before wrapping your arms around him, burying your face into his shoulder.

“I won’t let them hurt you. You just have to be honest, tell them the truth.”

Your heart broke more if that was even possible. You didnt want to lie to him but you couldn’t bring up Marley, you couldn’t bring up Reiner or Bertholdt. You had to come up with some other plan, to please the scouts.

“Okay.” You gave in, your hands clinging onto the back of his jacket, afraid of letting him go or getting ripped away from him.

He had pulled back, cupping your cheeks and brushed his thumb over the markings that were slowly fading away and he sighed under his breath.

His heart aches for you, he wouldn’t be able to handle losing you. Not one bit. As the scouts dropped to the ground around you, aiming their swords at your head, Armin had stood up and guarded you.

“She’s not a threat! Put the blades away, please!” He shouted, making Levi grunt under his breath and walk over to the both of you.

Levi had looked down at you with disgust, his blade tilting your head up straight to meet his gaze and he gave you a cold stare.

“I expect you to come with us willingly and not put up a fight, if you do- I won’t hesitate to put you down for good.” He ordered you, making you nod your head slowly and you stood up.

Armin had stayed beside you, making the Captain give him a dirty look as well but he always trusted Armin’s instinct but hated his big heart in wanting to believe everything he hears.

Levi had stayed in front of you, leading the way back to the main base and Erwin had joined as all four of you sat inside his office. They asked Armin to leave but he rejected, wanting to stay put and be beside you- to make sure they wouldn’t do anything.

“I want everything out on the table.” Erwin ordered you, making a lump form in your throat and you made up some story about how you became a titan and why you kept it from them.

They had somewhat believed it, especially when you gave evidence of always being a good scout and never betraying them one bit but they continued to watch you like a hawk.

When you finally had some alone time, Reiner shoved you towards the woods with Bertholdt following closely behind to make sure no one was watching or coming but it was the middle of the night anyways, everyone was asleep.

“What the fuck is wrong with you? Are you trying to get us killed?” Reiner shouted at you, wanting to completely punch you in the face but held himself back.

“I didn’t mean for it to turn out like this!”

“Like what? You falling for these fucking murderers?! Is that it? Do I need to take you back to Marley and have you killed?” He pointed his finger towards you and you shook your head repeatedly.

“You better watch yourself or else Armin is dead, you hear me? Don’t blow this.” He threatened you, making your blood boil at the sound of Armin’s name being brought up.

That’s when you had enough, you were tired of it all. The mission, the secrets, everything. You raised your fist, punching Reiner straight in the jaw and it had made him stumble back in shock.

“I don’t give a shit about this mission but if you touch Armin, I swear you two would be dead in an instant. Remember your place.” You said, making him stare at you with such anger, he was convinced he would shift and fight you right in the woods but Bertholdt grabbed a hold of him.

“Not here, please, we’re supposed to be a team.”

“A team?! Marley raised us on how these people are murderers and terrible human beings and yet.. all they do is protect lives from titans. Fuck that bullshit, Marley is full of fucking liars and cowards!” You screamed at the both of them, not hesitating to hold any of your emotions back.

“You’re the coward and a traitor, once this is over with and we collect Eren- you and Armin are getting killed next.” Reiner scoffed, storming away and Bertholdt had stared at you before following his friend.

You were angry, all the thoughts rushing to your head and you wanted to kill them. You didn’t even care about the stupid mission anymore, it’s not like you were ever wanted on that stupid island anyways.

You got lucky that you got handed down the female titan. The only reason you did is because your dad had paid them heavy amounts of money just so he can finally be proud of you. Your family couldn’t care less about you, they only wanted you to do this because your older brother had risked his life for Marley and died in battle- they expected you to do the same.

Other than that, they pretty much hated you. You were convinced they did this to you so you can leave and not be around anymore.

Your eyes filled up with tears, of sadness and anger to the point where you stomped your way back inside the base and went straight for Armin’s room, seeing him asleep on the bed. You softened up, wiping the tears from your face and you sat on the floor beside his bed.

You didn’t want to wake him, he looked too peaceful. So you just stayed put, your fingers lightly brushing through his hair and you sighed quietly. You were so in love with him that it really messed with your head. You had no thoughts anymore, just Armin.

And you promised yourself to protect him with everything you had. Nothing was worth it anymore, you just wanted him.

Time had passed by, a lot of time. After getting Eren back from the two titan shifters, the scouts were settled on reclaiming wall Maria and also trying to hunt down Reiner and Bertholdt.

You were on your horse, rushing towards the wall and you had moved your head to glance back at Armin, seeing the happy smile he gave you and you couldn’t help but smile at him.

That is until everyone had made it to the wall, Reiner getting caught and not hesitating to shift and try to kill everyone. He was going crazy and from afar, the Beast Titan- the one person you haven’t seen in ages, since before you left Marley.

Your heart had pounded in your chest, you had a awful feeling. Maybe it’s because you technically were the traitor, you were siding with the Scouts but you didn’t regret doing that.

Levi had instructed you to hold your Titan form back unless it was absolutely needed because he believed Eren was fully capable of doing most of the work. But that was until Bertholdt had shown up, shifting when he saw how beaten Reiner was- convinced he was dead, it sent him into a rage.

Even then, Levi had made you hold back.

So you did.

Then when you went back over the wall after helping with Levi, both Titan shifters were down and you could hear screaming in the distance. You leaped off the wall, using the ODM gear to help you land on the floor and you saw Eren hovering over a body.

“Eren?” You were quiet but his head snapped towards you, complete pain written across his face as tears were uncontrollably streaming down.

“I’m sorry.” He said, making your eyes look down at the body and suddenly your knees had grown weak.

It was barely unrecognizable but you could tell who it was, your body giving out on you as you drop to your knees and practically crawled over to him. Your hands shaky and you wanted to grab onto him but you hesitated, the way his body was completely burnt- you couldn’t grab him.

It had taken a moment to hit you, the realization and a painful scream had left your lips knowing Reiner and Bertholdt had done what they said they were going to do- kill him.

Your heart felt empty, that’s the only way to put it. Empty. Shattered. You felt hollow.

Your screams and sobs were painful to Eren’s ears but he tried his best to somewhat comfort you. Making the others drop down on the roof and Levi had shortly came afterwards, the Titan serum being brought up but also Erwin as both of them barely were breathing.

Eren was quick to argue, threatening to fight Levi if needed for Armin to get it and Mikasa had done the same. You didn’t want to fight but you would lay your life down on the line for Armin.

“It goes to him.” You barely said over a whisper, staring down at his body and everyone had looked over at you.

“You’re telling me to pick a kid over the commander? Are you guys idiots?” Levi grunted, making your eyes shoot over at him and you stood up.

“If you would’ve simply ordered me to use my Titan form and help, Armin wouldn’t be like this right now! This is on you and you only and if I have to, I will fully use force to give him that fucking serum.” You threatened him and his eyebrows raised in amusement.

“Remember your place, cadet or else I’ll put you in it.”

The anger had bubbled up inside of you, making you rise to your feet and before you could even walk up to Levi, you were grabbed by Jean who was already injured enough from the events that occurred.

“It’s not worth it.” He mumbled, looking down at you with sad eyes, he wanted Armin to live just as much but he knew he didn’t have a say in the matter.

“It’s not worth it? Armin deserves that serum more than anyone here. Let’s not forget who even saved our asses half the time, it was him.” You practically shouted at all of them and Levi finally had enough.

He forced everyone to go away so he can decide on his own. Plus most them being injured, everyone needed to back away. But you didn’t want to go without a fight, Eren had to pull you away and take you off the building.

You didn’t want to leave Armin, you didn’t want him to die or even die alone. It made the tears slip from your eyes again, the pain you felt in your chest, it was your fault he was like this. You couldn’t help but blame yourself for everything.

But once you saw the Titan shift and eat Bertholdt, your feet managed to run over to where it was, Eren trying to grab back onto you but it was too late. You had went on the roof, watching the Titan stare at you before collapsing- the steam covering the body and you could see Armin’s body rip out of the skin.

Your heart stopped, almsot tripping over your feet as you climbed over the body and grabbed onto Armin, more sobs leaving your lips, not being able to have control over your emotions. You clinged onto him, holding his body to your chest and laid your head on top of his.

Everything was such a blur but seeing Armin just made everything clear again.

It had taken him hours to wake up, making you grow impatient as you sat on the wall beside his body and glanced around at the empty town. The victory of reclaiming wall Maria didn’t excite anyone, maybe it was because of the amount of lives lost.

Armin had woken up, his head pounding and confused as to how he was still alive until his eyes laid on you, seeing the back of your head as you stared out at the sky, hearing the breeze.

“Y/N.” He mumbled, his hand reaching out to place on your back and your eyes moved down to him.

You didn’t want to cry again but you were feeling overly emotional, his blue eyes staring up into yours and suddenly you tackled him in a hug. Almost making you both fall over but he grabbed onto you, burying his face into your shoulder.

“I thought I lost you.” You admitted, pain in your voice and as he remembered the events that happened, how he put his life on the line- he felt guilty for making you worry.

“I’m sorry but I’m here, I’m alive.” He pulled back, his soft hands reaching up to grab your cheeks and your heart finally felt full.

“I love you, I really do.” You barely said over a whisper, the butterflies swarming in your stomach and he brushed strands of your hair back from your face.

“Trust me, I love you more.” He sighed happily, seeing your face again made him realize just how precious you were to him.

He gently peppered kisses on your face, like he always did. He would always plant them all over, taking his time and always leaving your lips for last because that was his favorite spot.

Once he was done with your face, his fingers tangled in your hair and glanced down at your lips then back up to your eyes, the cute little grin on his face as he finally molded your lips together and kept it slow yet soft.

After that, you had told Armin everything. From Marley to everything and why you came to the island. He understood, he wasn’t mad at you because you never showed signs of betrayal. He knew that and he fully trusted you.

You knew everyone back home would be angry, wanting you dead but as his bright blue eyes stared at you with such love and hope, it was worth betraying your home for him. He was the only person that cared about your well being and loved you completely.

Armin was all you needed. Nothing else mattered.

Pls😭😭

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