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Fuck it.
Kings are cowards and The sun blocks the moon, eclipse, solar blackout, blinding darkness. Jesus the saviour forsaken by his father, no mistake on noah's part, just saying that noah saved the animals which was god gift, but jesus saved the people from god's wrath? fuck it. Missions of assassination , kill the one holy creation. No mistaking the one winged fairy who flies around in a circle dazed and confused for eternity, no way in, no way out stuck like a bird in its cage, blind sadness. I guess you've broken your wings boy, atleast now you can't fall through solar panels anymore dumb boy learn your role. Fuck it. Compressed air , compressed gas, gas mask to breath clean air, did you know that oil industries produce pollution, that creates smog, i can't see through fog, can you? A bat symbol in the condensed clouds a phone call to anyone who wants to talk, no answer. call back three times still no response.no phone call back either,knock on heavens door, but there to busy to answer you questions today too. fuck it. No individual person is any good to a statist , were all just people who go to school together , we grow up together, we get jobs together and we all get judge together, by each other. and it doesn't make any difference how nice you are, we all get pushed over by someone , agony your whole life and then we die for nothing but yet we all claimed to “be happy”, a constant emotion i didn't know of. Fuck this here's a poem for my poem a little depression sparked from my pariona, a small glimpse of my life. a little girl who speaks in tongues to her parents, but yet unaware of her existance, warning her to never speak. She continues with a free spirt but ends up dead,see her dreams became nightmares and her parents always talked down, she told no one of her troubles, she just listened and frowned. An old oak tree with all of its leaves on the ground, a yellow noose hung its branch and that's where her body was found. Fuck it.
#poems on life#Poems#poetry#poets on tumblr#personal#people#god#subjective#depressive#paranoia#Deep thoughts#just a thought#fuck it#life and death#life is strange
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just living
clenched fist, make marks on my back, tear my skin to the bone until you cum, i don't mind. An intense moment created by me the first time in awhile i felt pride for myself. I felt smart not like an idiot like everyone tells me, i felt accomplishment not ashamed like everyone makes me feel.I felt happiness not sadness like every other day, an alien feeling to me i couldn't cherish it, it made me to vulnerable, so i kept this spark of happiness to myself , i didn't want anyone to know i was happy, because once people see that you're happy, you're not allowed to be sad again. Don't ever show emotion you'll become a target, you'll become someone and everyone who is someone becomes no one one day. i'd rather just be no one everyday anyway. as the light in my room continues to glow, i realized that time started to slow, see that glow from that light started to show, it started to show every particle every electron it holds, and i seen them as it made a slight hum, the white light that holds every colour imaginable i seen them all, every slow sound that's drowned out by voices i heard them like a soft whisper from the earth...it was a good day but every good day must end. but today wasn't such a good day, the lights were dim and all you could hear were car horns and voices overpowering other voices, there was no escaping the rampage. On the roof of a bar downtown, i glare at the stars or what i dreamt to be stars because these were just satellites, dim out lines of what used to be, the clouds become fog so there was no imagery and spaced look hazy not vast. a compilation of if anything ever ends, because everything seems to end on earth, a place of endings happy or sad whatever you wish, but whatever you wish won't be what you expected.that's why id never wish to be happy, happiness is empty to me, there's no empathy or sympathy, there's no story, no complexity.... But yesterday was a good day. and today wasn't a good day, yesterday i was alive, but today i'm just living.
#sex#poems#poem#poerty#living#sympathy#im sorry#Deep thoughts#deep thinking#poems on tumblr#poems on life#heartache#enjoy my sadness#sadness#sad#personal
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maybe some day
maybe some day ill tell you, maybe some day youll know . how i felt that evening when you asked if everything was ok. maybe one day when everything is ok. ill tell you how bad it was. how bad i felt about my self.how stupid i was for not asking for help. how shitty i felt towards the world because the world made me feel this way. maybe one day. a glossy eye that peered into my soul yet still found nothing but a cold heart. i'm sorry. i can’t feel like you do i can't see like you do and i sure as hell can't love like you do. but please if you will, if you can show me or try. because if no one lets me in, if no one shows me how then thats when ill tell you, that's when i will spill that one emotion of wanting to die. please my babe do not say good bye. i know there comes a time when everything leaves like the falling leaves in autumn when everything dies every year. but babe if i can, i'll hold you until your hair starts falling out, until you are unable to go outside. but trust me when i say i can't tell you something today.just wait for tomorrow.ok. she looked at me like i wasn't being fair, almost like she wasn't sure if she could trust me because she felt i couldn't trust her. that wasn't the case i swear it's just, how do you explain to someone that you don't want to be here, that there's nothing on earth that can stop you from feeling this way, what if she takes it upon herself to try to convince me to stay... but what if i still do it then she'll be disappointed what if she does the same, i don't want her to die, fuck i want her to be alive, i want her to experience life i want her live free i want her to do all of these things but i don't want her to picture me there to. i know that i'm not going to live that much longer i know that i'm slipping i've been slipping for sometime now. i haven't told anyone, because i know how they'll all react i don't want her to cry i don't want her to be sad. honestly i don't want her to care. it will just be making a big deal out of nothing.im doing this for me, theres nothing i want more...so maybe one day you will know, maybe one day i wont have to tell you because mayeb one day youll see, that my life, my existance was all that it was made up to be.
#poem#poetry#personal#someday#sad#suicde#suicdal#in the moment#i want to disappear#i cant wait#i dont want to lose you#i dont want to live anymore#i cant stand it#i love you#i care so much#i just want you to know
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IM SICK OF THIS LIFE
People's voices make me cringe, the sound of footsteps scare the living hell out of me.They say life is worth living you just need to have courage, but to me courage is nothing more than stupidity and boredom combined. I want a life worth living, not a life thinking about dying.Im sick of talking about things that dont matter,im sick of all my friends because i feel like they dont matter, its sicking because i feel like they dont care. they only care about them selves basic topics of how your day was and what makeup they bought at the mall on tuesday. I want to go outside no more social surroundings.I can't stand being around people,everyone is so judgmental and i'm in the middle of jury, and if i get called upon i'm sure to cry, i'm afraid of judgment. so if you can please just stay away from me.Thank you. My life isn't worth all this negativity , can i just leave, leave the city, leave the country, leave society, and just be alone with myself, and move on with my life, or my death, which ever is easiest at this point.A life of sad eyes, yellow tinted windows to the world and hazy remarks about life full of hatred towards my of species. I don't want to be human anymore. I wear a mask to cover my hideous human face. ripped clothes and bright hair to distract your eyes from my evolutional awkward body.Im uncomfortable in this body but iv used the word uncomfortable in to many of my own poems. I feel like people are fed up with me, my problem and my existence, or is that because i feel that way about them? I don't want speak, i don't want to hear, I don't want to see, I don't want to feel, I don't want to be judged. i just want to be left alone, you're all driving me insane.
#deep thoughts#deep thinking#poems#poetry#poets on tumblr#personal#how i feel#i want to disappear#i hate everything#i just can't#insanity#insane#loosing myself
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NEGATIVE VIEW TURNS POSITIVE
Wide eyes see the world for what it truly is not what iv wanted to see, people tell me I look at this world negatively but I don’t think I do I can tell you for a fact that I think this world is a beautiful place, its full of life, complex living creatures, and unimaginable scenery, I see beauty in the eye of a fly, I have the mind of an artist, but this doesn't change my point of how i think earth is the most disgusting place in the universe, sewer pipes that lead to the ocean creating unnatural disasters, oil which keeps the earth in place sucked up and use for our own personal gain, our greed shown by the smog and pollution we've created ,fat and unhealthy, mind and body’s wasted on the industrial and capital system. Zombies that walk through life obliviously, disgust me, they work towards no goal and we’re so massively populated that we have resorted to killing ourselves to fix the problem.How sad, emotional abuse from our leaders manipulating us into thinking everything is ok. Lies on top of lies unanswered questions answered with more questions. A tree is beautiful to me and building is not. A building is where a forest once stood supporting natural life. but you killed it, you killed something I admired and you put a fucking ugly gravestone on top of it,Now do you understand my anger towards the earth? everywhere I look I see headstones on top of body’s, A living thing that they turned hollow, tell me i’m wrong ,and ill tell you the same, argue and be prepared to lose,I wont go down easy and graceful like the tree, ill go down angry and full of “negativity”.
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TASTE TO SMELL
Cherry,banana,strawberry,blueberry and orange flavour , what do you smell? A real cherry ever smell one? It doesn't smell like cherry.It smells like the taste, it smells like the colour but it dosnt smell like the actual cherry. Why do we do things like this? We take something natural and perfect and then overuse it so much we forget what it actually is. An orange is something natural, a skittle isn't, but they make some skittles taste like oranges, but yet it doesn't even taste like fucking oranges! They made a flavour taste like a natural flavor but they taste different but they resemble the same thing but the weirdest thing about this is that the artificial taste more like the natural flavor than the actual fucking natural flavour dose itself. This is earth, we create the fake to resemble the real because the fake seems more real to us. Yellow and green lemon and lime, magical chemicals under the rind, where witches and warlocks play with time, An incredible sight that only turns out fine. a smiling face to hide the lies, makes no sense to the person who told the truth, An experiment with humans in no god we trust. Just as simple as creating rust,we create things that aren't here because we aren't here ourselves.
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29 FINGERS
A simple process of evaluating myself through others eyes, nothing more then transferring myself into their minds. Cries of laughter that astonish the church pastor, demonic sounds from a room down the hall,and from the bottom of the door I see five hands crawl, but it stops to smell my scent, as though it was fucking heaven sent.Walks away as though uninterested , and I found this quite inconsiderate. I walk out of my room to face the demon monster, I attack it from behind but I fell through it, it was nothing but an imposter, I fall to the ground, my legs ache, iv been in this hospital to long. The women in the room next to me has suffered to much, she now only sings one song. “Oh lord take me please, please lord stop my pain, oh lord please take me, take me away,oh lord please take me i don’t want to live another day,oh lord please take me ,lord please take me to heaven, oh lord please take me tonight in my sleep please lord take me, tonight ill be waiting.” she cries out to her family who are not even there , she cries out to the nurses who no longer care. She breaks my heart with every word she speaks, her word make me cry until I can no longer dwell and i find myself back on my feet. I no longer hear her but her pain is still there, she was always alone, and her bones are so frail. I would lay with her each night and comb her snow whit hair. she calls me her son, but she dose not even know my name. But i would do this every night until her death finally came.The first time i had ever seen her smile is when she laid there dead at her funeral. so beautiful , and cold, I admired her mural.But this memory still haunts me and my demon still lingers , its grown strong and agile with 29 fingers .Each finger represents one of my past mistakes, I remember the first one that formed it was when i killed my wife on our wedding day before we had even cut the cake.I face my demon tonight, i now stand in the light , though he lurks in the shadows, a devilish sight. it looks me dead in the face with eyes of disappointment. Frozen in fear i can't think in the moment, but one thing I did notice is that the demon had grown one more finger making 30, but I didn't do anything I was just standing there but very unsturdy, something was wrong what have i done! But then I felt it in my hand a smoking gun. I fall to my knees, i've committed the ultimate sin. Suicide. I died, sent to hell, where the cut off all my skin. So helpless, but what made made it worse is, I had found the singing women, i guess god couldn't accept her from the past she had woven, I sat with her and watched the flames fly, she held my hand, and laid her head on my shoulder to cry, a life of misery and the misery of death.I guess it never ends, I stroke her hair for the rest of eternity, as she's prays to the lord forever trying to make amends.
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a modern world full of ingeniously idiotic people, i hate to admire them , so happily oblivious
myself
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Alliteration
Alone again, agony, appealing poisonous apples, blending blackness blocks my courageous contacts. Human contact, constriction, drives me, drunk driving , an idea. Don't drink and drive, dumb. For fucks sakes fog horns fade my foresight, frightening events even affecting every sense I have. I have to go gotham needs me, gentle greetings humans. Humiliation haunts my head imagination interacts with my intelligence, everything intensifies, jumping jackalopes. Just blink , justice served. Keep knives close knowledge is just as powerful, kings and queens kill knights on this night.Limp limbs, loveliness lights my room like lilies in bloom, Mothers might, might make me crazy, crazier. No not again, not tonight, never, no , please. No sorrow, no emotion. own my own ownership , open the door, outside, outcast, pick the person, place my knife in plastic, everyone is made of plastic, picky,picky. My queen dont question me I feel you quivering, so quick my knife, quench my thirst.Red blood red, ready, running, don't run! random rambling, insanity. Red all red and black, slash you neck scared screams, im sorry my queen, stop scratching I know you're scared silly. Traitorous traits tickle your thoughts. Tough skin so soft. Udderly unique , urine runs, its ok unicorns fly out of your urethra. Veins full of venomous vipers , victims, your victim, my victim. verocious vengeance. Wishful thinking, wired wrong, you cannot withhold my weird mind, wonder of wonderful wickedness, wicked witch of the west. X marks the spot, x-rays of bulletholes. You make yelling useful, young youth wasted, why? zebras in zoos, pathetic humans.
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black brick road
Follow the black brick road, A shadowed path full of everything that could have been, smiles with no meaning or emotion, A broken heart sewed back together with strength and string a loss of blood, faint and fall hard on this black brick road. Awaken back at home a sorrow in your spine, A cold truth realized in your dream everything isn't as it's suppose to be.You can not recognize your mother's face, you father is more of a stranger then he has ever been, no family, lost , A lost boy, I want to go to neverland but no one will show me directions, I wouldn't follow them anyway. Conflict between strangers, an unbalanced relationship and a heart full of hate. What is comfort? I've never been comfortable, A feeling unknown to me the concept scares me. A feeling of paranoia? A hint of insanity? Or a coexistence of each other? Outside you find a black brick road, are you still dreaming? I can't tell the difference. You walk on the black brick until you reach a bride. A troll stops you, you must answer his question. “ What is the meaning to life?” A trick question, It's meaningless. He lets you pass. You arrive at a gate surrounded by childish children , playing with godforsaken toys, not allowed beyond his gate, stuck making the best out of what they have, happy. I walk through the children's ghost and feel their curiosity and anger. As I make my way to the heavenly gate, A man in all white stops me, a look of disgust , A common look. I guess God doesn't like purple hair and all black clothes, who knew God discriminates just like parents. He questions me, I question him back, he told me to shut up and then disappeared, I guess I win. Blink all black, blink again all white, blink once more to go home, a voice in my head, I listen, now i'm back in my bed. A dream within a dream am I awake now? Look outside black sky, black grass, black road, no brick, am I home? I can't recognize this place, I think im lost again I cant even tell anymore.
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death?
I read a thing once that said you die twice, once when you die and again when your name is said for the last time. I believe this to be true. But in the case of death did we ever truly live? If life continues without you, unknown to everyone who didn't know you, did you ever truly exist? A mind is a complicated tool use to create sense to everything before use. So if you were to die will I remember you? If not did you ever exist? No, I can say this because to me you didnt. How does anyone know anyone if there is nothing to know?Why do we make friends if they will eventually die? Why endure suffering and fun for heart break? I have a love hate relationship with death. But will I be remembered? No , There is nothing to remember, i was just another person part of another family, that never even existed in this small life span of the world. A thought is something that comes and goes, a thought isn't constant so does this mean I will die multiple times? Or I never will? did I ever live? Was everything I ever done just a figment of my own imagination? Are my thoughts the only thoughts that exist? Is this why my influence is so powerful? Did I give myself superpowers? Why can't I understand my own thoughts? Why can't anyone else think in the same way? Do my word make sense or do I just think they do because I created them? Why does everything that's suppose to make sense, makes no sense to me?
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A newly old night
Wet hair,damp, clothes, soaked shoes, all to familiar, familiar trails , familiar smells, unknown faces, raindrops on cafe windows, my own reflection not staring back at me. Waiting alone, writing. I walked to meet you everyday last year. Through sun, moon, rain, fog, snow ,hail and everything else. A thunderstorm so eager to leave and walk. Adrenaline? Bordom? A bit of both i would suppose. The itch of my skin from the drying rain that hit my uncovered flesh as i walked. The thoughts i forgot about as i forgot about this trail. All the secrets you keep. This path has seen me change its seen my good it's seen my worse i have yet to show it my best, i have yet to get there. The warmth of the cup on my hand as i reached our destination without you. You, still lost in your thoughts . Yet to spill them to me a regular routine. An infinite amount of fallen water to create one puddle. So much to create one. Music i've become accustomed to since the last time we spoke. The thought of comfort scares me, But i like it here. 12:00 am a way to start the new day befor i forget this life in my dream. Soft music calms my insecurities, evil thoughts that creep within, a stab at my heart, pierced flesh, cut arms, dry skin, irritation, comfort i've found in pain. I hate unfamiliar faces , aliens, die aggression, a thought process. A contradiction thought about life and death, a minute to recognize my documentary. But how else would you write in the moment other than in the moment. If you can understand my comfort then maybe you can understand my uncomfort. But what is a shiver in my spine to a shiver in my soul? I got lost in a transport truck head light, the only people awake, I see the fight between life and death, then the light is gone. I understand both sides so well but have yet to choose one. a crossroads. She sneaks through the door im unaware of her presence until she is across from me. Her story spills and I listen. A secret.
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time.
What is time? Is it a man made tool used to scedualize our lives? Is it more than what we use it for? Dose time actually exist? Time is how long it takes for the earth to travel around the sun. Thats it. The end of time will only come when sun burns out or the earth falls out of rotation. Those are the only ways. Any theorie otherwise is false. But what if there was a way to stop time. It's possible but everything wouldn't stand still no. But weather and oceans currents would cease, the earth would come to a standstill but you would not be able to freeze life. Unless you had a certain power. I've been able to slow down time, I walked through crowds with ease all reactions were slowed down or i was sped up. I couldn't control it but it happened. Time is a funny thing i can't grasp the concept of so i really shouldn't write about it yet. But i don't know if i'll ever be able to understand time. Can anyone explain why we ever really needed time? why do we believe it will end? Why do humans think everything will end? Time is the most constant thing there is in life.Why do we feel as though time will end before us? Is it because we think we are more superior than time itself? Or are we so insecure about our short life span that we hope that time stops before us?Is it possible people created these ridiculous theories because they're trying to hide that fact that we are killing ourselves? So when time comes when we do all die they could just blame the earth and tell everyone before they all die that it was the earth that has destroyed civilization and not ourselves. Could we be that stupid that we would blame the planet that gave us life for our death? A planet which we destroyed. a little reminder. How pathetic. Another thought, No wonder we want time to stop. Its so we wont die. So we can stay as we are right now on the brink of our death. Don't blink my dear one skip in a time loop and you may just fall out of existence.
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you.
The smell of desperation, your touch. I've never been this close to someone. Im nervous.Afraid. Im not afraid of anything! Why do you make me Afraid? I use to be made of stone. I cared for know one but my myself, and animals, i hate humans. ..But i dont hate you.I never met anyone i couldn't influence, but you, why don't you listen, why don't you agree. You question everything i say. Another person with their own thoughts? How? Why are you different from everyone else? You stand out to me. You have your own words your own perspective on everything and it's not mine. I love it. I love you. I just want to talk to you about everything but i feel ill becoming annoying.Why do you make me feel vulnerable. I have crafted my shell so strong nothing affects me. But you have poked so many holes that the sun can now reach my skin. I've spent so long in the dark, I forgot what warmth felt like. It felt like you. But it's scares me. Why do you make me so afraid! Im not afraid of anything!
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a happy ending
A life of sadness, dead eyes but full of ambition. A world that turns slightly tilted on its side as though exhausted by the weight it holds inside. Minds filled with universes upon universes full of knowledge . Wasted of gossip and sports.now full on useless information entertainment tonight and fox news. brainwashed youth, brainwashed adults, brainwashed country. Follow the leader into war find freedom, definition of freedom: more oil more money.free. Free the women i Irac but strip them of there religion first, everything they know before they are free, to be slaves. you will be safe here, raped. This is a lovely place to live, robbed. Nothing bad ever happens here, murder. Jails filled with the wrong people, social problems, talk about this with your friends explain your view on the matter. Do nothing, sit, no action. Stand up, Stand down. Insanity driven by social norms. I can't stand a place that does not contribute positively.A negative space crowded with people, unknown, A word unmentioned. A place that knows everything but the unknown. What is a thing? it is unknown. Every thing is unknown. You know nothing. Nothing a blank space an emptiness with something there.irony. A flag fueled by wind but no wind to fuel its country?I stand on a rock looking down at my country, in shame.Disgusted by everyday activities, happy families, fantastic first dates, love of a child, first steps, romantic walks, routine, lies a tragic ending.Streets filled with corpses and burning buildings , a societal collapse. A laugh, a cry, no sorrow, a happy ending.
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IDK
Im tired, im tired of all the hate i have for this world.Why do i find it do i find so hard to love? Why can't it be easy? Its easy for everyone else so easy for them to express themselves and there thoughtrs so openly.It takes months for me to trust someone enough for me toto even explain one of my deeper thoughts.There hidden in a vault deep within my head unable to e beaten open the the truth of a person can souly pen the repressed thoughts. There precious to me i trust no one, but some are worthy.I have no other emotion other than anger.I may live in a nice house with decent people but decent people are the people i hate most. Id rather live in a fucking hut then have clean water.The fact that i have so much and all of it was given to me that i don't deserve and that there are people that have nothing yet i have everything and i'm ungrateful because i'm not grateful that i have all this shit. The tell us to help and donate but i have so much more than a dollar to give, I don't have change, I have a house thats not mine, but the greedy white people who own it here take it. Take this car that i slaved for but don't want but need, To get more of the money i don't want but need to get more food and entertainment i don't want but need because in this society all you need is entertainment because human connection is so last year, that we need constant entertainment to fulfill our routine life styles to sustain our minds to continue day after day: work, eat, entertain,eat,tv, sleep, repeat lives with nothing to look forward to other than our death. The only day people show emotion and grief for the girl who had 70 likes on her facebook page because she was half nude.Yet they tell lies at her funeral so her lifeless body can feel good about decaying in the cold ground Like everyone else she will then go to heaven and line up with all the others who have prayed for forgiveness,now stand back to back all searching for a god that doesn't exist.But yet they wait for an eternity standing there instead of adventuring out into the unknown to find this entity. yet to discover that this “god” is inside all of us but were to stupid and distracted to see that. So they stand looking for someone to guide them , and then when some one comes along they cast him aside as though they were nothin g but a rabbit with out its back feet, unucky.My anger may shadow my personality and emotional state but it shines light on to my mind this is why i'm able to think as i do. I don't focus on you.I focus on me.
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Can I ask you a question?
Do you think you’re alone? Do you see anyone around you? Are they actually there?Do you believe in ghost? Do you believe in aliens? Can you fathom the fact you to are an alien? Do you believe there is a purpose to this world? Do you believe in god? Can you tell me what intelligence is? Can you specify an intelligent human being? Can anyone truly be an idiot? Or are those who judge idiots themselves? Can you tell me im alive? Is there any evidence? I have my own unique beliefs on everything. So does this mean i’m always right? or always wrong?Is there a difference? Can someone know everything? Or is it possible that the person who knows everything is the most idiotic of us all? The most intelligent man of this generation is Stephen Hawking but since he is incapable of feeling or action does he truly know everything?Excelling in one thing will always mean you lack another it is a unseen balance we have with our mind and bodies. Can we ever experience everything at once? Could we handle it? Is there a greater being? Or are we the greatest?Are we are own gods? Can anyone answer my questions? If you can’t can you atleast ask them too?Please. Why have we stopped asking questions?the ability to wonder is much greater then the ability to know. How do you think we discovered inteligence.Is it possible that the mening to all of our lives is meanless? For i believe we were a mistake , an experiment gone wrong and we have been left to fend for ourselves. But is it possible my theory is true? But just to me, for our world consist of our view, and our view is what we make of things inside our heads.Is it possible i live in my own world and the outer only consist of my imagination? I guess ill never know.
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