cece-chazm-marble - Tumblr blog

cece-chazm-marble · 2 years

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HUMAN MEMORY

Human memory can be really cruel and unpredictable most of the times. Its just so weird that my entire life when everyone remembered their childhood memories and how they were, what they did, in what ways they had fun and everything, I was the one oblivious of any such memory. I just couldn't remember anything that had passed and very often I got to discover something about my childhood from someone's else's memory of me. Even to the present day I have this really weird short term memory despite the fact that I've been an intellectual person my entire life. I just simply cannot remember even the simplest things like what I ate, what I wore even in the nearest past like two days ago. But then on the other hand, there are certain memories so strongly imprinted in my mind and I cannot find any special reason for such strong impressions. Such memories are so strongly present there that it even blurs out the timeline for such. I find myself questioning my brain all the time as to why I don't remember anything about a day or an event that every person around me clearly remembers but I have this crystal clear memory of a random moment that had nothing special attached to it. And unfortunately if I were to analyse, most of my memories are something really saddening to my heart. I wonder why a happy moment of equal strength doesn't get imprinted in my mind as easily compared to a sad moment of the same strength. I don't know if its normal or is it any kind of trauma symptom or if its a personality type.

P.S: I came back to tumblr after a long time. I'll be continuing to post my random thoughts here. I hope you can find comfort in at least one of them. Love you.

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cece-chazm-marble · 2 years

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The Unspent Love

So, there are days when you are perfectly fine and at peace with the fact that whatever decision you took was for the good of all. You are doing well without indulging in any thoughts. And then, there comes a day where you see them even for a moment and all your calm flees away. That one person that you couldn't love though you always wanted to. And now you are so sickly in love with that person and your heart keeps breaking every second more and more for the fact that things are not different. And you cannot stop thinking about that person. This may last for only a day or two. But as long as it lasts, it keeps piercing your heart like a dagger.

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cece-chazm-marble · 2 years

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LOVE

To me, love would be this warm feeling always. Like tucked in a soft small blanket, rightly fit for your curled up body on a sofa sitting in front of a heater. No lights in room except the orange red reflection of the fire on your face. You hair untied resting lose and cozy, socks on your feet, cheeks beaming red and hot, eyes shut asleep. And if in that dark quiet room, someone can see me as beautifully as I imagined, I'd love that person. I'd be in love with that person. Unconditionally and completely.

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cece-chazm-marble · 2 years

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One reason why you're afraid of someone falling in love with you is that you've never fallen in love with yourself and you'd never believe that the other person has. The other reason is you strongly believe that whoever falls in love will fall out of it very soon. Also that because you cannot give yourself to anyone who claims to have fallen in love with you so the fear that they'll eventually fall out of that love and hate you and hate the fact that they loved you at some point. You think you're hideous.

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cece-chazm-marble · 2 years

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Your love language is different from my love language. Does not mean i never loved you. I did. I do.

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cece-chazm-marble · 2 years

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‌I believe near death, every person gets a flashback of their happiest and saddest memory. That day when i almost died, you came to my mind. Yes, because you were my sweetest and the most hurting memory.

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cece-chazm-marble · 2 years

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‌when you hate someone so much that you end up becoming them.

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cece-chazm-marble · 2 years

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Very random but if you are an emotionally strong person, don't mock emotionally weak people. Don't pity them. It doesn't help them in any way, neither makes you any stronger.

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cece-chazm-marble · 2 years

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I have built myself in such a way that i might break into tears in front of a stranger or on the street but not in front of someone close to me. I don't want to be known that way by a loved one.

#prose #source: tumblr #reading #book #poem #inspirational quotes #life #scribbels #random #brain dump #tears in my eyes #crystals #loved ones #source: my brain #scream #say whatever you want #freedom

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cece-chazm-marble · 2 years

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MIDNIGHT SCRIBBLES

It was midnight. We were in a middle of a sibling fight. We were laughing and pushing-pulling each other at the same time. And as i had grabbed her cardigan from her arm, i laughingly said, " why are you like this?"

Right in that moment, everything slowed down a bit. Everything started blurring out. The voices and the giggles became smaller and fainter. A monotone started ringing in my ear. And it kept ringing until a voice echoed in my head. My very own voice, "Why are you like this?". A question to myself. Lots of my life's moment's flashed before my eyes. Not that i could recognise any. The only thing i could understand of all those moments was , that they were all asking me, loudly and clearly, "Why are you like this?" I couldn't answer. I don't know the answer. Why am i like this?

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cece-chazm-marble · 2 years

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HEARTILY LAUGH

Every person's laugh is so different. The heartily laugh that they rarely let out. Have you ever heard that heartily laugh of a person. Hearing it makes me so happy and proud of that person. If you ever laughed out loud in a moment without any regards of the surrounding, and at the end of that moment you felt embarrassed for your unfiltered laugh, I want you to know that you were beautiful in that moment. And that I really adored you there. And I hope you never abandon that pretty and unique moment of expressing your joy.

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cece-chazm-marble · 2 years

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What Would You Name Them?

What would you call a person torn between wanting to fade away in the beautiful fantasies and at the same time strongly gripping at the reality, and while trying to stick to both, they are slowly losing their form. Do you call them sick? Or lunatics? Or fools? How do you name them?

They, standing on the bridge between two worlds, trying to live in both. One world so beautiful, like the golden waterfall coming down the humongous green mountains as the softest rays of sun shine on them. It feels like the beautiful brown eyes of the loved one shining like fragile glass in the bright sun. The warmth. But is it all self-made? The warmth that they long for. The comfort, is it all mere creation of mind and nothing else? Then why is it so comforting? Why does it bewitch them so as to make them stop breathing in the other world and just stay here and get absorbed. Its too beautiful to be real.

While the other world, its not so beautiful. Its like a high-pitched shriek that pierces through their heart. It feels like a mighty figure giving them a hand to stand up and as they grab that hand, it melts away while leaving poisonous scars on their hands. The poison doesn't stop spreading. The heart is getting crumpled, squeezed to bleed until nothing is left. But the body still stands up. Its like getting killed over and over and still they wouldn't die. They live to be killed over again. The lump in the throat that is suffocating them but they are unable to cry. There are no tears. There is no time for extra things like tears. The skin is grey and the eyes dull. But its the reality because its not too beautiful, you see.

So, what would you call them? Those sane enough and insane enough to not let go of either world.

What would you name them?

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cece-chazm-marble · 2 years

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RAIN

Rain feels like a friend who sympathises with your pain and consoles you at the same time. The soft wind accompanying the rain. The beautiful soothing smell of the wet soil. But at the same time, the thundering, the lightening, the pouring rain making everything wet and leaving nothing as an exception. Its like the friend that sits next to you quietly while you're busy crying and even without saying anything, that friend is already making your heart feel light. Rain simply doesn't make you feel alone at times when you don't want to be around humans.

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cece-chazm-marble · 2 years

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WORLD, A HUMAN DESTROYING MACHINE.

I just think about the fact that how life is only suffering and nothing else. And I don't and will not believe that people with imaan don't suffer. They do as well. They suffer and they break into pieces as well. This world is constructed in a way to break us and grind us and and reform us and then repeat the process. Its attachments are so deadly. They are like drugs, even when you want to avoid them you cannot because you're already addicted and the avoidance will kill you. It just feels unfair as to why were we even created. I'm just too sad to live on. Its very hard

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cece-chazm-marble · 2 years

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Mocking Irony

Everyone is sad and full of grief and tensions and everyone is suffering. Everyone is breaking and dying and whatnot. But its sadly very strange that no one wants to have the company of someone just like them for long. All of us want happy people. Yes, because we're so sick of sadness. But at the same time, we want for us to be accepted as the sad mess we are. What a mocking irony.

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cece-chazm-marble · 2 years

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You Only Die In Peace.

Life is nothing but suffering everyday and waiting till your death takes you away. Living with and without meaning is simply whether you know that the suffering is neverending or you're trying to fool yourself into believing that the suffering will end one day and you'll live in peace. No sweetheart, you only die in peace.

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cece-chazm-marble · 2 years

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We all live in a crowded world, alone.

Very young and very soon that I realised we all have to live alone. No one, I say no one rides with you. There might be people you meet briefly, some give you sweet memories some give bitter ones. But in the end, those are just memories and you might even lose some of the memories with time if not all. But in the end, you travel your road all alone emotionally, physically, mentally, in every way. No doubt parents are always, especially mother is the most beautiful gift you're blessed with throughout your lifetime. But no one is living for you. No one is your friend. There are only good or bad people that you just happen to meet. Don't fall in love. Its all a fraud.

#source: tumblr #reading #book #desi academia #emotional #scribbels #random #moments #all the feels #i feel empty #real life #reality #cruel youth #people #this happens a lot #its okay #its true

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