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samkerrworshipper · 20 days

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have no fear

jordan nobbs x reader, leah williamson x reader, arsenal x reader

part 2 of beautiful girl series -> pt. 1 -> pt.3

warnings: drug addiction, drug use, angst, pain, mentions of sexual assault, little bit of fluff if you look really close

So with every last piece of strength that you had in your body, you pulled the door open.

“Hey chicky.”

You tried to smile at your ma, you did, but it was hard.

“Hey ma.”

You knew you had to look like a wreck, you hadn’t had time to look in a mirror on your way down, but you knew that you must look like a complete mess.

Jordan brought you into a hug before you could do anything about it her little arms squeezing your body as tightly as you thought she could manage.

She forced her way into the house before you could say anything about it, walking her way into the kitchen and leaving you close the door behind her.

“Le said you were out last night.”

You followed your ma into the kitchen, walking straight to the coffee pot.

“You want coffe?”

Jordan had always been the stricter of your two parents, probably because she saw you less, Leah was the one who had to do the hard yards, constantly fighting with you over the biggest and smallest things.

“Tea please, how late where you out till, who were you with?”

You turned the machine on, trying to hide your annoyance at the immediate interrogation.

“Did you come here to see me or question my choices?”

You pulled two mugs from the shelf, reaching for the kettle and pouring enough water in before reaching for a tea bag.

“I came here to see you chicky, and catch up with you, I want to hear about what’s been going on.”

You dropped the tea bag into the cup, reaching across the island to hand it to your ma.

“I was out with a few friends.”

You pulled your vape out of your pocket, hoping that it would help to soothe the insistent memory of the events of last night and push it from the forefront of your mind.

“What’s that?”

You looked up at Jordan curiously, one of your own eyebrows raising.

“What’s what?”

You looked back at the coffee machine, watching as your mug slowly began to fill up with the brown mixture.

“Since when do you vape?”

You pulled your mug out from the machine, setting down on the island so you were facing your ma.

“A couple of months, why?”

You reached for the sugar container, taking the spoon out of it and dropping two spoonfuls in.

“Does your mother know?”

The shock in Jordan’s voice was so obvious.

“Yup.”

It was all good and well for Jordan to judge Leah’s decisions with parenting you, but at the end of day she’d been the one to leave, refusing to take you with her, insisting that life in London was better for you and that passing you back and forth between Birmingham and London every week wouldn’t be fair, she left you.

“How’s football been?”

The pivot in conversation should have helped, but you knew that it wouldn’t as soon as the words had left her mouth.

“I stopped playing.”

Jordan frowned at you.

“Since when?”

You brought the coffee up to your lips, finding solace in the warm liquid.

“A while ago.”

You wished she’d drop the topic, she seemed to be becoming more disappointed by the minute.

“Why, you were great, you were one of the best a the academy.”

You were one of the best because Leah spent all of her afternoons coaching you, because she knew the coaches, because she knew what she had to do to make you better, not because you were naturally gifted or because it came easy to you.

“I didn’t want to.”

You ried to answer her with some finality, to make her drop it and move on.

“How about school, how are your gcse’s going?”

You wanted to lie to her and tell her it was good, that you were on track to get all A stars like you’d planned.

“I don’t think I’m going to do them, my attendance isn’t high enough.”

Jordan’s face plummeted, her jaw going slack as she looked at you.

“What? I thought you wanted to go to college, that you were planning on doing medicine or law or english lit.”

You hated that Jordan had this preconceived version of you in her head, from when she left, from when she used to travel every weekend to see you, when you were doing everything to try and be the perfect kid for the both of them.

“Plans change.”

You kept your eyes downcast, scared to look at her and absorb the disappointment.

“What do you plan to do, without an education and your football? Do you plan to just live with your mother forever? Do you plan to use her until she’s old and retired? You can’t just live your life like that chicky, you need a goal, a aspiration, something you want to do with your life.”

It was the same conversation Leah had tried to have with you, one you’d ignored.

“I know ma.”

Jordan looked at you with disapproval.

“It doesn’t seem like you do, what are your plans, what are you spending all of your time doing?”

Getting high, crying, regretting your existence.

“I don’t know Ma, look, you don’t get to come here for the first time in a month and try to act like you give a shit about what’s going on, Mom’s been through it and I’ve been trying to support her, I’ll figure it all out later.”

Jordan looked dismayed, to say the least, her finger twirling the teabag inside of her cup aimlessly.

“Lovey, your mom is in a lot of pain right now, she doesn’t deserve to be taken advantage of, I understand you might be going through your own pain but it’d be nice if you could try and be a bit better for her.”

You wanted to yell at jordan, tell her that you were hardly the fucking problem, but you couldn’t, not when everything that had happened in the last 24 hours was circulating non stop in your mind.

“Look, I understand that I’m not the kid you wanted, that I stopped playing football and I’m not doing what you wanted me to.”

Jordan stopped you before you could say much more.

“No it’s just that months ago you were fit, you were reading and writing and playing football, you were smiling and spending all of your spare time with your mom and now it’s like all of that’s changed and you’ve just become this person I don’t know anymore. Can you blame me for being surprised? This isn’t you, This isn’t my kid, this just isn’t you, chicky.”

You couldn’t look at Jordan, you just couldn’t.

“You have no fucking idea what’s going on, you’re never here, the only time you give a fuck about my life is when it’s convenient for you and when you get to judge it. I’m not your kid anymore, you don’t fucking love me, you haven’t wanted me for a long time.”

Jordan recoiled at your words.

“First of all, don’t swear at me, I hope you don’t talk to your mother that way. Secondly, that’s not true and not fair. I’m here as often as I can be. I love you chick, I just think you could be making better decisions. Where were you last night?”

You rolled your eyes, you felt frantic, you could feel your heart beating in your ear and the blood pumping through your veins.

“That’s such bullshit. Trips to Spain to see Lucy are more important then me, huh? Trips to Ibiza to hang out with Caitlin and Katie are more important than me? You criticise the decisions mom has made but you aren’t here, you don’t understand what it’s like.”

Your hands were shaking so badly you had to put your coffee down, the liquid having spilt slightly down onto the countertop.

“Where were you last night, lovey?”

The question made you feel like you needed to puke, and for a second you thought it was just a feeling, but then you felt the bile rising and you realised it wasn’t just a feeling, you were about to vomit.

You rushed from the kitchen as quickly as your weary body would allow, your legs shaking underneath you, threatening to give out, taunting you from below.

You made it to the toilet bowl just in time for your jaw to go slack and the bile that had been rising in your throat to splat against the porcelain. You didn’t look at it, you couldn’t, knowing that it was probably evidence of what had happened last night, the alcohol, him.

You didn’t need to see Jordan to know she was waiting at the door behind you. It was the last way you wanted to spend your couple of hours with her, but it didn’t really matter now you supposed.

You knew you were done when the pressure in your throat dissipated and you finally felt like you could breathe again. You pushed yourself up, flushing the toilet before turning around to look at Jordan.

Your Ma reached out for you first, her hand coming up to your face, gently pressing onto your cheek.

“It’s alright bubba, I’m here, you’re okay, I’m sorry.”

Jordan’s arms opened up and without hesitation you leaned in, seeking out comfort that you hadn’t felt in a long time. The hug didn’t provide the love you were yearning for, it didn’t soothe the part of you that was hurting, but it did patch a hole inside of you somewhere.

You were far taller than Jordan, but she somehow made you feel like a little kid again, your head coming to rest down on her shoulder.

“C’mon, let’s get you to the couch and we’ll talk, huh, one on one, no judgement.”

You felt eight again as Jordan lead you over to the same couch. You felt how you did when you were eight, when your moms sat you down and promised you that they would always be a safe space for you, that you could tell them anything about the past and they wouldn’t judge you and that they’d always be proud of you no matter what, you felt how you did at 12 when your moms sat you down to let you know that the academy had asked them if you wanted to play with them, you felt how you did at 14 when your moms sat you down to let you know that your teacher wanted to put you up a form at school. Except everything was different, it wasn’t your moms, there was nothing to be proud of, nothing for them to tell you you were doing good at.

Jordan sat you down, your head pressed to her shoulder.

“I’m sorry that I was rough on you, okay? I don’t know what’s going on, I’m not here as much as I should be. Can you tell me about last night, bubba, please?”

You didn’t get why she cared so much, your mom hardly cared what you did on your nights out as long as you were home by your curfew and stayed safe.

“I went to a party, okay? It’s no big deal.”

You heard Jordan exhale next to you.

“You didn’t do anything stupid?”

You wondered what Jordan would define as stupid.

“I drank a little, smoked a bit of pot, normal teenage shit.”

You wanted it to be the truth, desperately, but it wasn’t.

“That’s it?”

Jordan knew you were lying, she’d always been better at telling, Leah on the other hand wasn’t as practised in being able to detect when lies were falling freely from your lips.

“Yes, for fucks sakes.”

Jordan only tightened her embrace around you, bringing her as close to you as possible. Leah had stopped hugging you like this when she’d done her knee, it had become harder and she knew you were growing up, she didn’t think you needed her in that way anymore, she was so incredibly wrong.

“Okay, I’m sorry chicky, I’ll stop with the questions. Let’s just have a you and me day, huh? Like we used to. We can go to the cafe that you like and down to the beach, whatever you want, just a you and me day.”

You didn’t want any of that.

“Can’t we just stay on the couch.”

You heard jordan chuckle a little bit.

“How about we go and get breakfast and then we can have a movie day, or we can catch up on the episodes of Love Island, I haven’t gotten to watching the new season yet.”

You didn’t want to go anywhere, you wanted to stay in your safe space, up in your room on your windowsill.

“Do we have to.”

Jordan nodded from above you.

“Fresh air will be good for you. Plus, you want to get a mean hangover then that’s your own fault chicky, it’s best to learn the hard way. Head upstairs and get changed, I need to talk to your mom real quick.”

You wanted to stick around to hear what Jordan planned to tell your mom, but you didn’t want to wreck whatever you had going with her, so you just nodded your head and stood up, beginning the walk back up to your room.

You hated looking at yourself in the mirror.

Because you could act like you were fine, you could pretend you were put together and had your life together and fool yourself but as soon as you were forced to look at yourself it all was clear. There was truth in your eyes and the way they made your body look so vacant, so eerie, it was as if they were the sign that there was no life left inside of you.

You’d always felt out of place no matter where you were, like you never truly belonged. You’d always felt like you were one of those tragic people with no storyline, so you lived watching other people, living through them. To start with it had been your moms, watching how much they loved each other, how they looked at each other, how they spoe about each other, like you were a background character in their story. It worked for a long time, until it didn’t. Until they split up, until you were forced to heal all over again from the home that was breaking around you. All the things you’d been running from before them were back, and instead of feeling like you were safe you knew you weren’t, you knew that no matter how loved you’d felt for the longest time, you weren’;t anymore, you didn’t get to live vicariously through their love.

You scrubbed your face without any real care, scrubbing the makeup, mascara and tears from last night off of your face.

Once you were content that the were physically gone, even if it mentally didn’t feel that way, you stood up from the basin and dried your face, hoping the patting would somehow strip the pain that was painted across your skin, it didn’t.

You moved to your wardrobe next, picking out a pair of sweatpants and a hoodie, as well as your thickest winter jacket. It was the same thing you wore every time your mom forced you out of the house to go on some stupid errand with her or some random appointment. You picked out a comfy enough pair of trainers before pushing your hair into a bun and walking back down the stairs.

Your Ma was talking hushedly into her phone, and put it down as soon as she spotted you descending the stairs.

“Ready to go?”

You nodded, one of your eyebrows up in questioning as you stared at your Ma’s phone.

“I was just checking in with your mom, she says they should be back around lunch time.”

Then Jordan would leave, like she always did.

“I’m not a chore, if you don’t want to hangout with me then you don’t have to be here, I can be left alone for a couple of hours.”

Jordan exhaled, deep enough for a few seconds to linger.

“That’s not fair, I’m here kiddo, I want to spend some time with you.”

You pulled your vape out of your pocket, Jordan could tell when you were lying and you could tell when she was.

“No, you have to spend time with me until mom is back, there is a difference.”

In the beginning, Jordan would come down every weekend, no matter where her game was, just to spend time with her little chicky, as the months and year had passed though, her time with you had become shorter and shorter until you’d only see her if she had a game in London.

“I don’t care, I get it, you’re busy with your new life, it’s whatever. Let’s just get this over and done with.”

Jordan looked like she wanted to say something, but the frown you sent her must have been enough of a silencer.

The two of you walked out the front door silent, down the street silent, all the way to the cafe, completely silent, the only sound to be heard was the cars going by, the sounds of your breathing and the repetitive puff of your lips as you pressed the vape to your lips. If you couldn’t have drugs then it was going to have to do.

When you got to the cafe you had enough courtesy to shove it in your pocket, focusing your attention on your Ma as much as you hated it.

She ordered you your normal, you were surprised she remembered.

“How’d the game go last night?”

You hadn’t tuned into either games, you’d had other things on your mind.

“We drew, it was a good game though.”

You nodded, it didn’t matter much in the scheme of things, Aston Villa weren’t in a title race, weren’t in contention for a trophy of any kind but also weren’t at any real risk of relegation, they were just mid.

“How about mom?”

Leah wasn’t playing, but a part of you still cared about how her team had gone.

“They won, 1-2 to man city.”

You nodded, that was something.

Your food arrived which was a good enough distraction, both you and Jordan focusing your attention on the meals in front of you. A couple of years ago, all of your sunday mornings had been spent here with your two moms, nowadays if you went, which was rare, it was by yourself.

The meal went on in awkward silence, the both of you clearly unsure how to deal with the pent up awkwardness that had been developing since you’d left the house.

The meal dragged on until the two of you couldn’t pretend any longer and called it done, the two of you standing up and leaving in the same silence you’d entered.

You didn’t mind the silence, it hurt, but not in the same way that it normally did, you were less alone than normal, you felt less out of place then normal.

You were silently praying that your mom got home earlier than expected, to give you the same normal, painful consistency that you were used to instead of this, instead of whatever it is that Jordan was pulling out of you.

The two of you walked back to the house in silence, once upon a time Blu would have been walking in front of you, her little legs patting across the concrete, nowadays though Blu stayed in Birmingham, with Jordan. Leah claimed she didn’t have time for a dog, it had always been Jordan’s thing though.

When you got back to the house, you collapsed down onto the sofa, flicking on a episode of love island before opening up your phone and starting to answer the multiple texts which you’d been leaving on delivered.

First, you replied to your friends, letting them know you were fine and just needed to be home before your curfew, then your mom, letting her know you were fine. Once you were finished updating all of your people, you moved onto aimlessly scrolling, flicking through different social media posts.

Jordan eventually joined you on the couch, her attention on the episode.

You didn’t miss the way her eyes would stray towards you every few seconds, darting away from the tv screen to look at you. It seemed like she was hesitating to say something, like there words on the tip of tongue that she was too scared to say. Jordan was always the silent one, even as you watched your moms relationship die out, she was always the quiet one, Leah on the other hand was always the loud one, always trying to fix problems that were unfixable.

You wanted to prompt her, ask her what her apparent problem was, but you stayed silent, muzzling yourself for the good of keeping whatever peace there was between the two of you.

PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD SEND ME YOUR PART THREE IDEAS, KEEPING IN MIND THAT LEAH POTENTIALLY FINDS OUT ABOUT RS WEED USAGE AND CONFRONTS HER ABOUT IT BUT DOESN'T KNOW ABOUT THE DRUGS

#woso #woso community #sammykworshipper thoughts #leah williamson #arsenal wfc #leah williamson x reader #jordan nobbs x reader #jordan and leah #jordan nobbs #wobbs breakup #it’s painful #i’m crying so are u #trauma dumping #pain sweet pain #woso imagine

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ladykailitha · 3 months

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The Harrington Pattern Part 3

Hello! I'm going to be posting this one straight through on Sundays, Tuesdays, and Thursdays until it's done. I've got three more chapters completed after this one. Though there maybe a small hiccup as I might finally be moving cross country. I will keep you posted.

Here we have Steve finishing up the last of the comments and he gets one visitor too many.

Part 1 Part 2

@mira-jadeamethyst @rozzieroos @itsall-taken @redfreckledwolf @emly03

****

Steve was sitting at the table with Mike. He had shown him how to make the tassels and handed him the leather strips to just let him go to town.

He was putting in the metal rings in the armholes of Mike’s tunic for the tassels to be tied to.

After awhile Mike looked up from his work. “What made you get into sewing?”

Steve looked up at him and just stared at him a moment. “I about to say the most rich boy sentence in existence and if you laugh at me, I won’t finish your tunic.”

Mike raised an eyebrow and then scoffed. “Whatever, man. You don’t have to tell me.”

"I got fascinated by it,” Steve explained, “when my mom took me to a tailor to get a suit made for me for my first piano recital when I was eight."

Mike’s jaw dropped. “Seriously?”

“It was so interesting, dude,” Steve insisted. “I was more interested in it then the piano lessons.”

“Wait,” Mike said, “you play piano?” He screwed up his face confusion. “I didn’t know that.”

He shrugged. “I mean, I quit when I got to high school because it was at the same time as basketball and my dad wanted me focus on sports.”

Mike waved his hand at the tunic in Steve’s hand. “Piano wasn’t good enough for your dad, but sewing was?”

Steve barked out a bitter laugh. “There is no way in hell my parents know about this, dude.”

Mike reared back and frowned. “What do you mean?”

“I sew by hand,” Steve explained, “because there is no way in hell my mom would let me use her sewing machine.”

Mike’s frown deepened. “You did all this in secret? What the hell?”

“What would your dad say if you took up sewing?” Steve muttered darkly.

Mike blushed and ducked his head. “Probably that it was girly.”

“And yet the tailor I went to was a man,” Steve pointed out. “So how does sewing make you girly but most tailors are men make sense?” Mike just shrugged because it didn’t. “Also while we on that bullshit, why is a tailor seen as an honorable profession when a seamstress has the connotation of being associated with sex? Like what the fuck?”

Mike’s ears burned as he deeply regretted bringing it up.

“Just finish those tassels, man,” Steve huffed going back to his own work.

Mike did as he was told and bent back over his tassels.

All week long people were coming in and out of Steve’s house so often that Steve was startled by the knock at the door.

He was annoyed. He was literally an inch away from finishing Will’s extension and the interruption was decidedly unwelcome.

To say he was surprised when Officer Callahan was standing there looking as much if not more annoyed than he was would be an understatement.

“Uh...” Steve muttered. “How can I help you, Officer?”

“Hey, Harrington,” Callahan said with a heavy sigh, “it seems your neighbors are complaining that you’ve been having people coming and going all hours of the day and night. They think it’s been pretty suspicious.”

Steve quirked an eyebrow and Callahan huffed out a laugh.

Steve did some heavy thinking to make sure he didn’t have weed out before he said, “Nothing shading going on, I promise, Officer. Just being making costumes for the Ren Fair coming up this weekend and all my friends keep stopping by for last minute fittings.”

Both of Callahan’s eyebrows went up. “What now?”

Steve waved him in. “Come on, I’ll show you.”

Callahan looked around him, but followed Steve into the house with a half shrug.

Steve brought the police officer into the kitchen where he had been working with the aid of the natural light streaming through the big windows. On the table there was Will’s tunic with its inch of ribbon to go. There were bobbins of thread, spools of ribbon, and swaths of fabric literally covering almost every inch of the table.

“I’m just putting on the finishing touches on Will Byers’s costume,” Steve explained. “You remember Will, don’t you?” His smile was just this side of innocent.

Callahan coughed. Because of course he did. Everyone knew who Will Byers was.

“Right,” he said scratching the back of his neck in embarrassment. “I’ll be sure to pass that along. But maybe tell your friends to come during the day?”

Steve smiled brightly. “Oh of course, Officer. This is the last one I’m working on, though. And Will will be stopping by this evening.”

“You sure this is the last one?” Callahan asked, narrowing his eyes in suspicion.

“Oh yes!” Steve said. “The first day of the Fair is on Thursday and we’re going all three days.”

Callahan nodded. “I’ll leave you be then.”

Steve showed him to the front door. Callahan stopped.

“Is this Fair thing any fun?” he asked nervously.

“I’d like to think so,” Steve said with a half shrug. “It’s like the State Fair, so it can get hot and dusty, but there are jousting and sword fights, little plays at night. Things like that.”

Callahan chewed on the bottom of his lip before he nodded curtly. “See ya, later, Harrington.”

“Bye, Officer!”

He slammed the door and went back to finishing the tunic.

Once he was done, he held it up to the light. You couldn’t even tell where the extra inches were. It looked seamless.

He yawned and stretched, feeling please with himself. He looked at his watch. He still had plenty of time before Mrs. Byers brought Will over for the final fitting.

So Steve wandered over to the sofa and laid down. He figured he could a few winks before then and let himself drift off to sleep.

Steve was woken by the sound of someone pounding on the door. He looked out the window, but it was still light out. He sat up and looked at his watch again to see that only an hour had passed.

He got up and before he could even reach the hallway whoever it was started knocking again.

“Hold your horses, man!” Steve yelled.

He threw open the door, annoyed for the second time today. But at least this time it was a far more pleasant a surprise.

“Eddie!” he greeted. “Were we hanging out today?” He didn’t think they had anything on with it being so close to the Ren Fair.

“Nope!” Eddie said with a grin. “A special delivery!”

Steve’s eyes lit up. “Holy shit! They’re ready?”

Eddie pulled out a long thin box and handed it over. Inside were two brown elf ears.

“And they’ll match?”

Eddie tilted his hand back and forth. “As close as we could without the recipient being there.”

Steve hugged him. “Thanks, man. This is going to mean a lot to Lucas.”

Eddie cleared his throat and reluctantly stepped back. “I’ve got band practice, but I wanted to drop these off so Lucas can have them before we go to the Ren Fair.”

“I appreciate it,” Steve said, his cheeks dusted pink. “I’ll see you on Thursday.”

“Yep!” Eddie said, skipping backwards and almost falling off the porch.

Steve jerked forward, but Eddie righted himself before he could fall.

“Bye.” Eddie turned around and practically ran back to his van.

Steve shook his head fondly. He went back inside, but he knew it was useless to try to nap some more. He was wide awake and maybe a little excited, too.

So he went to get make himself some dinner before Joyce and Will arrived.

For the third and final time that night there was a knock on Steve’s front door. At least this time he was ready for it.

He opened the door to reveal Joyce and Will. “Come on in. I just finished it up this afternoon.”

“It’s so sweet of you to do the final alterations,” Joyce said. “It really was a big help to Claudia and me, so we got together and made you brownies as a thank you.”

She shoved the plate in his hands and with her eyes dared him to refuse.

Steve would admit later that he thought about protesting until the smell of warm chocolate hit his nose.

“Oh wow,” he murmured. “They smell delightful.”

Joyce smiled. “Let’s see it then. El has been going on and on about the gold trim on her dress for days and I can’t wait to see Will’s.”

“Sure thing, Mrs. Byers,” Steve said brightly. “Follow me.” He led the way into the kitchen. “Is Nancy and Jonathan going to come to the Fair?”

Joyce and Will shared a glance behind Steve’s back.

“No,” Will said bitterly. “I even told Jonathan that he didn’t have to dress up, but he doesn’t want to go.”

Steve hummed. “Maybe once he sees how much fun you had on Thursday he’ll want to join us for Friday or Saturday.”

Will’s eyes lit up and Joyce smiled fondly at Steve.

“Perhaps,” was all she said.

They reached the kitchen and Will gasped. His tunic was a simple warm brown color but the gold trim just brightened up the whole thing and gave it a rich feel to it.

“Oh Steve, it’s beautiful,” Joyce whispered, giving Steve’s shoulder a gentle squeeze.

“Put it on, Will,” Steve instructed. “It’s going over a shirt and belted so we won’t need to check width, just length.”

Will nodded and pulled it over his head. It fell to the perfect place just over the kneecap so that when Will belted it, it would be above his knee.

“You can’t even tell inches were added,” Joyce said. “Do you like it, Will?”

“Yeah,” he replied with a huge grin. “It’s even better than I imagined. Thanks, Steve!”

He leapt on Steve to give him the biggest hug. Steve staggered back a step but caught the lankly teen and hugged him back just as fiercely.

“I’m glad you like it.”

Joyce playfully swatted her youngest son. “I can’t believe that even with me adding two inches to the hem after we measured still wasn’t enough to counteract your growth spurt!”

Will blushed. “Sorry, mom.”

She just grinned and kissed his cheek.

“Well it looks like we’re all ready to go,” Steve said with a smile. “I can’t wait for Thursday.”

Will smiled back. “Me either!”

****

Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10 Part 11 Part 12 Part 13

Tag List: @spectrum-spectre @estrellami-1 @zerokrox-blog @gregre369 @a-little-unsteddie @chaosgremlinmunson @messrs-weasley @chaoticlovingdreamer @maya-custodios-dionach @danili666 @goodolefashionedloverboi @val-from-lawrence @i-must-potato @carlyv @wonderland-girl143-blog @justforthedead89 @vecnuthy @irregular-child @bookbinderbitch @bookworm0690 @anne-bennett-cosplayer @yikes-a-bee @awkwardgravity1 @littlewildflowerkitten @genderless-spoon @cinnamon-mushroomabomination @dragonmama76 @scheodingers-muppet @ellietheasexylibrarian @thedragonsaunt @useless-nb-bisexual @thespaceantwhowrites @paintgonewrong @mogami13 @beelze-the-bubkiss

#my writing #stranger things #steddie #ladykailtiha writes #steve is a history nerd

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hbyrde36 · 2 months

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STWG Daily Prompt 3/9/24

Written for the @strangerthingswritersguild

Prompt: Bite

Rating: G | WC: 867

Emotional hurt/comfort, Steve Harrington's parents being the worst, the best uncle Wayne Munson, supportive boyfriend Eddie Munson, the party loves Steve Harrington

Steve had given up on his dad long ago, he was never going to be the kind of man Richard Harrington had always wanted his sons to grow up and be, but he’d held out hope for his mom—hope that someday she would learn to love him the way she loved his brother.

More than ten years between them, and the fact that the Harrington’s had moved to Hawkins only after Christopher had graduated high school and gone off to college, meant no one really knew Steve had a sibling.

The party, Robin, Eddie—especially Eddie because how could they have been dating for over a year now and him somehow still not know about this—were all stunned to learn of the existence of another young Harrington.

He hadn’t meant to tell them at all, but then Christopher and their parents made a surprise visit home so that his brother could take possession of their grandmother’s ring and pop the question to his girlfriend of a whopping 9 months. Less time than he and Eddie had been seeing each other and didn’t that get under Steve's skin to know he’d never get to propose to his boyfriend with a family heirloom, not only because gay marriage wasn’t legal, but because his parents would never dream of handing down a piece of jewelry to their least favorite son.

Steve wound up having to make the rounds, letting everyone know movie night was canceled because his brother was in town. Naturally they all wanted explanations for why this was the first they were learning of this mysterious person, and by the time he got to Eddie’s place, Steve was a mess.

Years of mistreatment and neglect bubbled to the surface, and not just the big things but the little sniping comments, the small injustices—inequities between the way Mr. and Mrs. Harrington spoke of their older son vs their younger—hurt feelings that he’d pushed all the way down in order to function, in order to put a fucking smile on his face and hide the fact that he was damaged goods who not even a mother could love.

It all came spilling out of him on Eddie’s bedroom floor as his boyfriend held him, rocked him, was his rock, tethering him to the earth.

When it was all over and Steve was calm, Eddie asked him why he still spoke to them, why he still lived in their house when he and Wayne had both–on separate occasions–invited him to live with them instead.

“They’re my family.” Steve said, shrugging. “I don’t have a choice.”

“Of course you do, Stevie. You always have a choice. If you were to decide right here and now that you never wanted to see or speak to them again, you are allowed to do that. You hold all the power here. I’ll support you in whatever you decide, but I have to say in my humble opinion, they never deserved you.”

Steve took the night to think about it, though in the instant Eddie had said the words, given Steve the power to take control of his own life, he’d known what he was going to do. It was his life, he could do with it as he wished. He was already doing that with almost every other part of it, so why was he still letting his mom and dad hold any power over him? Why did he subject himself to their passive aggressive comments and disappointed glares?

In the end he never went back, not even to get his stuff. Wayne and Eddie did it for him, leaving behind his keys and his beloved car.

A small price to pay for freedom.

He called the next day and left a final message on the answering machine.

“Please leave your message after the beep.”

“Hey mom. You’re the hardest one to say goodbye to, the last member of this family I held out hope for so you’ll have to forgive me for not doing this in person. My car keys are on the table by the front door. I know the BMW is in dad’s name and I know he wouldn’t want me keeping it under the circumstances.”

“I am no longer a Harrington. I’m sure you won’t mind because you barely thought of me as one to begin with but it’s official now. I’m moving on, and moving in with my boyfriend. Yes, boyfriend, because I am nothing if not a consistent disappointment.”

“It took me longer to see it with you because I've witnessed the way you care for the people around you, most of them anyway, and what you’ve done for this community.”

“You are a good person, except when you’re not. And you were a great mom, just not to me.”

There was no bite in his words, just a sad truth finally spoken aloud.

Steve hung up the phone feeling lighter than he ever had in his whole life, and sat down to dinner with the people who really loved him. His found family, who’d all dropped whatever they were doing at a moments notice to throw him an impromptu moving-in party at his new home with Eddie and Wayne.

Thanks to my beloved @penny00dreadful for having a look over this 🥰

#stwgdailyprompt #steddie fanfic #steve harrington #eddie munson #steddie #stranger things #steve harrington's parents #steddie fic #wayne munson my beloved #steve harrington/eddie munson #steve x eddie #fanfic

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rafeandonlyrafe · 4 months

Text

christmas stocking

words: 1.3k

warnings: established relationship, reader has really good relationship with parents, implied bad family situation for rafe, christmas celebrations

taglist: @drewstarkeyslut @thelomlisrafecameron @f4ll-for-you @dilvcv @winterrrnight @drudyslut @drewsbaby @jjmaybankswifes-blog @rafescokenostril @jjsmarijuana @jjmaybankisbae @seeingstarks @angelofcigs @cece45450 @babygorewhore @vanessa-rafesgirl @michelleisheres-blog

“hey momma.” you say with a smile as you answer the phone, clicking it to speaker so you continue to work.

“hi baby girl!” your moms voice rings out through the speaker. “did you figure out what time you're leaving?”

“looks like tomorrow at 10 am, then we should be to yours by dinner.” you hum, glancing at the clock while continuing to pack up. “oh, change of plans by the way. rafe is coming with me.”

“oh yay!” your mom squeals. she only met rafe once when she came to visit you in the outer banks at your new house, but it was so early on in your relationship that she didn't really get to know him well, and things are a lot more serious now. “i can't wait to have my babies home for christmas.”

“does that mean andrew will be able to make it?” you ask, inquiring about your brother.

“they'll be here, but leaving the day after christmas for his wife's family.”

“okay, that sounds good. itll be nice to have the four of us back together, plus rafe and diana.” you hum. ever since your brother went away for college when he turned 18, and you left two short years after to move to the outer banks, it was hard to get the whole family together, even for the holidays. you spent the last two christmases in the outer banks, one spent alone in your new house, the other with the camerons.

you were shocked by how different their christmas was than what you were used to. it was cold and devoid of any traditions besides what was seemingly forced on the kids of the family. you ultimately had a good time with rafe, but you missed the familiarity and fun that you had with your family.

rafe was originally going to stay in the outer banks, not wanting to intrude on your family, but you finally convinced him last night that everyone would be happy to have him.

“okay so tell me about what i can get for rafe.” your mom says, and you just know she's bent over the counter with a notepad and pen in hand, not wanting rafe to be left out of opening presents.

“ready to go rafey?” you ask, looking at the back of the car, trunk filled with your suitcases, while the back seat has already wrapped presents, both for your family and ones for rafe, as well as his for you.

“i am. last chance to say if you forgot something.”

“nope.” you shake your head, “ive gone over my checklist three different times.”

“alright, off to your parents then.” rafe says, leaning over and pressing a kiss to your lips before taking off down the road.

“can we stop? i gotta pee.” you say, looking at the sign for an upcoming rest stop.

“again?” rafe sighs, but there's a small smile gracing his features as he turns the indicator on, pulling off to the road stop.

you hop out of the car, but rafe follows right behind you, not letting you go in by yourself, always extra cautious when you're out in public, especially away from the outer banks.

“gonna get us snacks.” rafe says, keeping his eye on you as you head into the bathroom, only turning to the vending machines when you disappear behind the tile wall.

“hey baby.” rafe says softly, stroking over your thigh to wake you up. “we're almost there.”

you stretch with a yawn, rubbing at your tired eyes. you blink them open, realizing the roads are now familiar, about to pull off the highway at your home town exit.

“thanks for driving, rafey.” you say, leaning over the center console to give him a kiss on the cheek. you clean up the car a bit while he finishes the drive, gathering up the wrappers of the chips and snacks and shoving them into a bag to throw away later.

“im so excited.” you say as rafe turns down your road, and your parents house comes into view.

“i can’t wait to get to know them.” rafe says, pulling into the driveway. you can’t help the squeal you let out in excitement as you rush out as soon as the car is in park, briefly turning your head to make sure rafe is following you as you step onto the porch, not bothering to know before flinging open the door, knowing that your parents are no doubt waiting right inside for you.

“mom! dad!” you shout, jumping into their arms as they swallow you into a comforting hug. you press a kiss to both of their cheeks before turning to rafe.

“i brought these for you.” rafe sticks forward his hand, in it a bouquet of flowers, presenting them to your mother.

“oh, rafe, darling you shouldn’t have.” your mom coos, pulling rafe into a hug before rushing into the kitchen to place the flowers into a vase. rafe gives your dad a firm handshake before offering to help carry in your bags.

you smile and look out the door as they chat casually, happy that rafe seems to be fitting in instantly.

“its just so different.” rafe says softly, stroking his hand absentmindedly over your back as you’re curled up next to him on the couch.

“what do you mean?” you hum, pressing your lips against his shoulder, even though you can guess what he’s talking about.

“your family is just so… easy going. and you all get along so well.” rafe says, looking around the living room at your parents sharing a couch, and your brother and his wife sitting in matching armchairs, all chatting happily amongst themselves.

“im lucky to have such an amazing family.” you say, looking to rafe. “and that you’re a part of it.” “i dont want to intrude though, baby. so if you have any traditions you want to be just amongst your-” “shh.” you cut rafe off, a smile on your face. “we all want you here. my mom was so excited when i told her you were coming. you love me right?” you ask, which rafe of course nods. “and we are planning to be together forever right? so of course my family is going to want you around, to include you in our traditions.” “sorry, dears, i couldn't help but overhear.” your mom says with a slightly blush to her cheeks. “forgive me for eavesdropping, but i actually have a gift for you rafe.”

rafe begins to say that he doesn’t need any gifts, but your mom cuts him off with a quick stern look, one he’s seen in you many times.

your mom returns to the room with a small wrapped box in her hands.

“thank you.” rafe says sincerely, setting the box on his lap. you smile, already knowing what is inside, seeing it before when andrew first brought diana to christmas celebrations.

rafe opens the box carefully, attempting not to rip the paper and make a mess, aware of the eyes on him.

“a christmas stocking.” rafe says with a smile as he pulls it out. you wait for him to notice, and you can tell from his body language the second his eyes read over his own name, hand stitched by your mother, signifying rafes place in the family. he tenses for a second before melting completely, body slumping against yours.

you wrap your arms around rafe, knowing this is an emotional moment for him, his moment where he realizes how loved and accepted he is.

“we are so happy you’re a part of our family, rafe.” your mom says, accepting his hug when he stands to embrace her and thank her for the gift, looking to the mantelpiece with all of the family stockings hanging, where his will soon join.

your dad strikes up a conversation with andrew, and you know its to take some of the pressure and attention off rafe as he ducks his head into your neck, pressing soft kisses to the skin there.

“i told you you wouldn’t be intruding.” you whisper, running your fingers through his hair.

“yeah, yeah.” rafe says sarcastically. “you’re right.” you give him a look, before he concedes with a nod. “as always.”

#rafe cameron imagine #rafe cameron fic #rafe fic #rafe cameron fanfic #rafe cameron x reader #rafe x reader #rafe cameron fanfiction #rafe fanfic #rafe cameron x you #rafe cameron one shot #rafe fluff #rafe cameron fluff

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teaboot · 14 days

Note

Hi! (just a personal ask. Sorry if it's not okay to ask for advice out of nowhere but I wanted to see an outer perspective and didn't wanna ask my friends. No pressure to answer of course but I would love to hear your thoughts!)

Is it normal for me to feel overwhelmed about something I want? I am just starting med school and it's a lot but I am fighting. And in my culture, parents buy their daughters their like things?? (like towels and bed sheets and a fridge. Anything they can buy except the apartment basically) for marriage from a young age. But my mom just started recently. And when she first bought me something. The idea of getting married & being a doctor (both things I want) felt like too much I teared up. My mom said I was being spoilers I guess?? Like I was ruining a good moment? Of course it is not that serious since I wasn't outright crying, and I just laughed afterwards as I felt silly lol ,but It got me thinking if I was being that dramatic.

This honestly felt like the moment in the movie where the mom hugs her daughter and says something like "oh how much you've grown" . Her retort felt like it was out of the script.

If you find time to answer, please be extremely blunt. Because I know for a fact I have a tendency to exaggerate things.

You are not overreacting. You are not exagerrating things. And I'm going to tell you this, because I experience this, the tendency to downplay your own feelings and recollections of events very often comes from having other people do it to you first. People tell you your feelings are wrong, or stupid, or irrational, and you learn to listen to them instead of yourself.

It makes complete sense that coming up on a major cultural milestone would make you feel excited, or scared, or overwhelmed. It sounds like you came upon the first step of a very big change and the reality of it all hit you at once, which sounds completely normal and expected!

Fuck, *I* used to get that about moving houses, and YOU'RE expecting shit like marriage? Holy fuck! I'd be a complete mess! The fact that you're level-headed enough to ask questions and process your feelings and talk things through is impressive, because I think I'd be losing my mind.

Personal story, but when I turned 17, my mom asked me if I wanted to go to a restaurant to celebrate. When I told her that it sounded nice, but I'd rather have dinner at home with the family, she told me I was a selfish narcissist, and that I was so busy thinking of myself that I didn't consider that other people might have been excited to go out.

At the time, I thought she'd been harsh but ultimately correct.

Now, I see that she had decided what kind of perfect evening she had wanted, and had expected me to play the part in the movie she had written herself. It had never been about what I wanted at all- it had been about her personal desires and expectations.

And it's normal to feel frustrated about things that don't go the way we want or expect, but lashing out at others is not an appropriate way to handle those emotions.

The way we feel cannot be controlled like a machine. The way we feel is usually not a problem. The problem is what we do, and the choices we make based on those feelings.

Children throw tantrums and sat mean things because they haven't learned better yet. They don't have the practice or experience. Adults like your mother and mine should have that on lock, but often don't, especially if culture or tradition or social expectations tell them their actions are justified.

If I had to take take guess, I'd say it sounds like your mom gave you this gift with an idea in mind of how she wanted you to react. She probably wanted you to be grateful and praising and sweet, so she could fulfill the role she envisioned for herself, and when you deviated from that picture, she was disappointed. From that perspective, it would seem that she felt slighted, and that she was owed your gratitude, and you were at fault for withholding it.

This perspective makes sense, in an emotionally immature sort of way, but would completely overlook your feelings, which are just as important.

Your exact situation is not one I've been in before, but if I'm correct in my assumptions (which I may not be) then I'd suggest keeping an eye out for other instances of your perspective and feelings being minimized.

Are you often told you are behaving irrationally? That you're over-emotional? That you're self-centered or greedy or entitled? Are you told that you don't remember things or do things as you're told? That you see problems where there aren't any? That you male trouble where there is none? That certain conversations aren't worth having, or that "you're always like this"?

It sounds like you know that something is off. I'd encourage you to keep asking questions and follow your instincts. At the end of the day, your life is your own, no matter where it came from.

#Teaboot advice #Good luck

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zanarkandskylines · 3 months

Text

Tidal Wave

『♡』 pro-hero fem!reader x pro-hero bakugo ♡ katsuki bakugo masterlist ♡ summary: a horrible accident occurs while reader is on patrol for the night. when she's released, she runs to bakugo's apartment for support tags & warnings: loss of parent, failed rescue, trauma, angst, emotional comfort, fluff a/n: in my head, katsuki would be a very supportive BF who would comfort you after a bad day in any way he could, especially when it comes to losing people on the job. it's never easy and heroes need care, too!! ꒰ Ao3 version | word count; 1,454 ꒱

Getting ready to head out for a short night shift, you text Bakugo to let him know you're safe. He's always worried whenever they schedule you super late, especially by yourself.

[you] i'm heading in now, want me to text you when i'm home? might be late [kat] yes, don't care. if i'm up or not, i'll at least know you got home safe [you] okay, love you [kat] love you too

───

Time of death; 12:05AM.

The rain pelted against the neoprene material of your hero suit as you stood with the paramedics.

“Y/H/N?” One of them called to you. “We need your report on the incident.” She waited beside you with a clipboard, her paperwork growing damp with each raindrop.

─── A normal late night patrol, you’d been walking a dimly lit street on your route when a small child came running up to you, latching on to your leg. She couldn’t have been more than 8 years old.

“Excuse me! Miss hero!” She sniveled as she buried her face against your thigh, clutching your suit in her tiny palms. She was shaking like a leaf - covered in, what you presume, is mud.

You slouch over, a gentle hand on her head. “What’s wrong, little one?” She looks up at you, her eyes the color of sapphires.

“My mommy is in trouble! I tried to help her, but…please miss hero, come with me!”

Her dainty fingers grab your hand and pull you in the direction she came from. A few minutes down the road, you see an older woman on the riverbank. She’s face down, it’s hard to see without direct light what exactly happened. You’re jogging over to her with the little girl by your side.

“Sweetie, can you tell me what happened?” You ask the child.

She wipes a dribble of snot on the back of her hand. “Mommy and I were walking over there,” she points to the nearby bridge. “And she fell over into the water!”

”You’re very brave to come find help,” you praise, giving her a pat on the back. “Let’s get your mommy away from the water while I call my friends to help.”

While waiting for the rescue crew to arrive, you cautiously move the mother further away from the edge of the river. Suddenly, she begins to seize, catching you off guard. She’s gasping for air, flailing her arms around with tears pricking the corner of her eyes. You roll her on her side, rubbing her back as you see the lights of the sirens coming over the bridge.

Come on, come on, get here faster!

The ambulance pulls up on the pathway and 3 paramedics dispatched from all sides. They’re running up to you, yelling, “Clear the way!” You take the little girl’s hand and guide her up the riverbank to the ambulance.

“She’s been poisoned! Grab the siphon kit, stat!”

As chaos is brewing all around, rain begins to patter against the grass outside. You’re wiping mud off of the little girl’s face as you hear, “We’re losing her!”

You place your hands softly over her ears, turning to the paramedics as they’re attempting to revive her mother.

Please, no...

"Is my mommy going to be okay?" the little girl asks sheepishly. You can't answer her, you just nod your head and smile the best you can. You have to keep a brave face for her.

Then, you hear the dreaded noise.

* Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep *

Your heart drops, sinking into your stomach as you squeeze your eyes shut. Everyone in the vicinity is holding their breaths collectively. The paramedic with the respiratory machine wearily gets to her feet.

"Mark the time of death as 12:05AM."

───

You’re on autopilot, shoving your emotions deep down as you recall the events of the night to the paramedic for her report. You can't emote right now, you have to pull it together until you can leave.

"The child will be brought into protective custody until we find a relative. Thank you for your service, Y/H/N. You're free to go - we'll take it from here."

Before leaving the scene, you take one last glance over to the small girl. She's under a blanket in the back of the ambulance, staring blankly into space.

It breaks your heart.

───

You're sprinting, faster than your legs can carry you, through the downpour as you approach Bakugo's apartment complex. What time even was it? Last you checked, almost 12:30AM. He's gonna be pissed when you wake him up.

You needed him, now more than ever.

You round the corner of the third floor and skid to a stop at his door, soaking wet, leaving a puddle onto the hallway floor. You can hardly breathe as you knock, praying he's either still awake or won't be frustrated.

Fuck, I should have just called.

To your surprise, Bakugo answers the door after only two knocks. His expression shifts violently from annoyed to worried when he sees you standing there, immediately pulling you inside and shutting the door.

"What the fuck happened Y/N?!" he asked, more so demanded.

You can't hold it together anymore - you crumble into his arms, sobbing hysterically. His t-shirt absorbs the waterfall of tears you're crying, inconsolable against his chest as he's supporting your weight.

He runs his hand through your bangs, brushing the wet strands away from your face.

"Shh, hey, it's alright," he whispers, stroking your wet hair. "Any louder and you're gonna get me a noise complaint."

You let go, realizing that you've made a mess of his entryway and his t-shirt. "I-I'm sorry, I didn't -"

"Y'don't have to explain shit. Now let me get you out of that before you catch a cold."

Bakugo spins you around, tugging at the zipper of your hero suit harshly. The skin-tight bodysuit under the rest of your gear loosens, letting him slip his hands inside and peeling it off of your cool skin. You didn't realize how cold you were until this moment, shivering beneath his touch. Your suit crumples onto the floor, along with the rest of your accessories, leaving you in your underwear.

He tenderly grabs your shoulders, pushing you toward the bathroom. Little droplets of water fall from your damp hair as he's leading you down the hallway.

Before you know it, steams is rolling out of the shower as Bakugo is stripping himself down to get in with you. He soothes you as he takes the rest of your clothes off, guiding you into the shower with him. He puts you under the water first, rinsing your body with the hot water to warm you back up.

As the water cascades around the two of you, he's stroking your back, eliciting the remainder of your emotions to come pouring out. A quiet sob escapes you as you try to explain yourself.

"I...I couldn't save her," you start to say, hiccupping between your words. "Her daughter was...she was just a kid...I couldn't help her mother."

Bakugo kisses your forehead. "I'm sorry, baby. I figured that was the case." He continues to wash your hair and body, peppering you with kisses and letting you cry out the feeling. He knows all too well how you feel - the first time you lose someone you're protecting on patrol hurts a fuck ton, no matter the circumstance. It never gets easier.

Once you're all cleaned up, he steps out of the shower first to grab towels. He hands you one as he exits the bathroom, muttering just a sec under his breath. Not more than a minute later, Bakugo returns with a handful of his clothes for you.

"Arms up, buttercup," he playfully sings as he throws the t-shirt over your head, ruffling it at the hem to get it to fit over your physique. He kneels to the floor, a pair of his boxers stretched out for you to step into. You oblige as he yanks them up your legs and comfortably settles them on your hips.

You shuffle your feet in place, slightly embarrassed. "I'm sorry for making such a mess, Kat. I didn't know what else to do in the moment."

He cups your cheek in his hand. "Idiot, y'don't need an excuse to come to me. You should know that by now."

Bakugo takes your hand in his, leading you out of the bathroom and into his bedroom. He tucks you under the covers first and settles in behind you, immediately wrapping his arms around your midsection.

"I'll wash your suit for you tomorrow," he says hushed, nuzzling into the crook of your neck. "I love you, baby."

"I love you too, Kats. Thank you."

Just a quick little blurb 'cause I wanted to write Katsuki being sweet without hesitation. :)

Divider by : @/saradika

#bakugo x reader #bakugou katsuki #bakugou x reader #bakugo angst #bakugo x you #katsuki bakugo x reader #pro hero bakugou #pro hero bakugo x reader #bakugo fluff #bakugo x y/n #katsuki bakugo #my hero academia #bakugo katsuki #dynamight #bnha #mha #bnha shorts #☆.rei writes

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cryinginmyroomsposts · 10 months

Text

Mr Gorgeous

pairing: Lee Minho x reader

genre: fluff, slight angst, crack, tutor Lee know, non-idol!au, college au, best friend Hyunjin, computer nerd Lee know

summary: As a chemical engineer with the biggest aversion to computer science it was nothing short of hell to try and pass the one elective you were forced to take. Things do change for the better when your friend suggests you get tutored by smart and hot Lee Minho. Maybe you'd do a lot more than just pass the subject...

wordcount: 6.3k

a/n: This one is based on the unhinged but cute ideas my friend gives, hopefully, I did justice to that, and to Minho.

masterlist

I have extended this universe (but can be read as oneshot ) with the Hyunjin fic Dancing with our Hands Tied

Regret.

That’s the primary emotion you feel right now. Sitting with your hands tugging at your hair in the corner of the computer science lab as you stare at the big blank screen… yet again.

Another ping and you look up to see yet another failure message popping on the screen of your laptop. It wasn’t brand new, or of high value, but this laptop was your lifeline. Not only did it hold all three years' worth of your undergrad life but it also holds the precious drafts of your latest hyper fixation- fanfics based on the forced marriage trope.

The downfall of the laptop itself wasn’t your primary concern now, it was the choices you made that led here. Well, it wasn’t exactly a choice. The course selection system of your uni might say “flexible” but it was anything but. Your mind replays a flashback from two months ago when you were seated in your dorm bed, hands tugging your hair like now, as you stare at the monstrosity that was the computer science elective you were forced to choose for the sake of credits.

Leading you right back to regret.

Just as you're about to break your laptop in a fit of pure frustration you feel a hand on your shoulder. Whipping your head back, with five retorts at the tip of your tongue (but ones that’ll never be said), you find yourself facing one of your closest friends. His feline eyes shone with kindness and his long blonde hair with fringes framing his spectacular face and the crisp white shirt that looks very out of place amongst his rarely-showered peers.

Hyunjin. The infamous dance team captain and the most wanted dude on campus, who somehow ended up as your roommate's dance partner back in freshman year and is now a big part of your gang. He was the reason for whatever little popularity you had on campus.

“Are you alright?”

“Hi yeah, I-I’m fine… I guess…” you sigh, giving up on your hair and point to the screen. “I don’t know what the hell I’m doing and my laptop just gave up on me.”

He gives you a sad smile, not one of pity and you’re grateful for it. “Ahh, the computers have defeated our great y/n I see...” His tone is slightly lighter this time when he speaks. You nod furiously as he settles down on an empty chair next to you. His hand has moved from your shoulder to fidgeting with the armrests.

“Yeah I absolutely hate- no loathe computers. I mean, I fought with my parents to do a chemical engineering degree just because I hate computers for god's sake. All that only to end up here in this damn course and I’ve managed to kill my laptop in the process of installing virtual machines. Actually why the hell do we even need those virtual machines? Isn’t everything that these machines produce essentially virtual… if you do need another device, just get one. Why do you computer science idiots go through all this hassle? I don’t-“, you pause mid-rant to see that he’s got an amused expression and the corners of his lips are lifted up.

“Ugh, please. Don’t laugh at my distress, you cruel man.” You whine and dramatically put your head on the desk in defeat.

"Aye y/n it's okay... I mean it will be..." Hyunjin tries to comfort but you just grunt in response and dig your head deeper into your arms on the desk.

You hear him sigh and shift closer to you.

"Alright, I'll tell you what... class is over now so we will give up for now and go have something to eat and replenish your brain. Then maybe I can tutor you, I am also in the class and I do understand this. Is that ok?"

You look up to see Hyunjin sitting beside you, lips pressed into a thin smile, eyes kind and empathetic. This version of him rarely comes out except with his few friends and you were usually grateful for that. But today you had no brain cells left to feel grateful.

"Yeah, sure! Do you plan on doing that before or during your morning dance practices or evening practice?" Your tone comes out sharp and sarcastic, which catches Hyunjin off guard.

You were almost always sarcastic but it was never more than a harmful joke and you never really lost your temple. In fact, you were very particular about staying silent unless you have something positive or funny to contribute to the conversation.

Hyunjin recovers fast from the shock, "Hey I was just offering... I was being nice. Don't bite my head off!"

You feel apologetic immediately and sigh. "Yeah sorry dude, I guess I need to eat. Are you still up to get lunch together?" You ask with a small smile.

"Yup!" He immediately agrees with a big grin and you begin packing your things.

"Hey, you sure one of your little fangirls and fanboys won't die of jealousy if they see just the two of us having lunch together?" You joke as you both head to the cafeteria.

He just rolls his eyes and both of you laugh it off.

Even though you knew about Hyunjin's popularity, it still feels weird for you to sit and watch almost the entire cafeteria stare in your direction. Rather in his direction. Trying your best to ignore it you continue eating your sales as Hyunjin talks about the latest gossip from the dance team.

Just as he was about to reach the juicy part, Hyunjin sees someone on the other end of the cafe and asks them to join. You whip your head around to see the source of your latest annoyance, ready to hate them in your head, only to find the most gorgeous man you had ever seen walk towards your table.

You've had one too many celebrity crushes in your day but you weren't usually the type to simp for a dude in real life- especially one from your university. Yet you find yourself unable to take your eyes off this guy. He's wearing a simple black T-shirt and a pair of joggers. His headphones are around his neck, and a black backpack hanging on his left shoulder. You watch his shirt cling to his shoulders and the way he keeps his eyes down as he walks. You keep watching as he runs a hand through his hair, messing it up just enough for it to look fluffy and good.

Taylor Swift definitely wrote Gorgeous for this man.

As he nears the table you finally gather all your self-control and turn back to your lunch. You chew on the food slowly and keep playing with the contents in your bowl, painfully aware of every step he takes toward the table.

"Hey Lino!" You hear Hyunjin exclaim as he gets up to hug the other guy.

"Hi Hyunjin." says the other guy- who apparently has a deep, yet soft voice that reminds you of honey melting.

You internally cringe at the weird tingly feeling this guy is making you feel.

You try to block out the conversation the two guys make, desperately hoping you wouldn't have to interact with Mr Gorgeous.

"Oh, I forgot to introduce you both. This is my friend y/n."

You look up at the mention of your name to find Hyunjin and him looking right at you. You smile, hoping the weird thoughts don't translate on your face.

"And y/n, this is Lee Minho. My classmate and dance teammate." Hyunjin says with a fond smile.

"Hey, y/n. Nice to finally meet you," says Mr Gorgeous in his honey-dripping voice as he reaches his hand out to you. You are frozen for a second but recover quickly to take his hands and shake them as you nod. You watch as he immediately takes his hand after a second of contact and clears his throat.

"Nice to meet you too Minho." you finally manage after the handshake that only made the butterflies worse. You pray silently that you don't ever have to speak to Minho again, a crush was not good for your health. Especially not a crush on your friend's very hot dance teammate.

Thankfully Minho almost immediately leaves, stating he has a class to attend and Hyunjin and you bid your byes and return to your lunches.

After a moment's silence, Hyunjin speaks again, "So what do you think about Minho?"

You cough as a lettuce piece gets stuck in your throat at his question and chug half a glass of water.

"Wha- what about him?" You ask in your most normal voice possible.

"I don't know... you tell me." Hyunjin says eyeing you cautiously.

"He's fine I guess." He scoffs. "He's way more than fine and we both know it." He says with a smirk.

"You're just a simp for the mysterious hot dudes who will never go for you."

"Ouch. But yeah. Plus all I can do is simp... he's not really into guys." Hyunjin says with a dramatic frown making you shake your head at his antics.

You were almost relieved when Hyunjin admitted to simping for Minho because then you would shut down the crush because you are a good friend. Every plan to squish this growing crush is backfiring on you now.

As you both finish your lunch and decide to go separate ways, Hyunjin stops in his tracks outside the cafeteria with a bright smile on his face. The face that usually means trouble for anyone involved- which is you currently.

"Oh my god! Y/n I just had the best idea." He practically squeals and you roll your eyes at him.

"I don't believe it will be good but you're gonna say it anyway so spill."

"Well you need a tutor to pass the computer course... and Minho is a top-of-the-class student who passed that subject a semester ago. What if he tutored you?"

Hyunjin looks like he hit the jackpot and your jaw hangs on the floor. Gulping you begin to explain why his idea won't work just as the door opens and out comes the man of the hour himself- Minho.

Hyunjin looks at Minho and his smile grows even wider.

"Lino I was just going to call you. I need a small favour from you."

Minho looks suspiciously between an excited Hyunjin and a horrified you. "Yeah, tell me..."

Hyunjin proceeds to explain the ordeal in great painful detail. He paints a sad picture of you from fighting with your parents about your major to your whining in the lab earlier. All while you plan the detailed and gruesome murder of Hwang Hyunjin in your head.

Even though you are too embarrassed to see Minho's face, curiosity gets the better of you. He seems to be trying his best to follow Hyunjin's rant. His eyebrows perked up and eyes shifted between the two of you. His nose scrunched as he nods continuously.

"So what do you think of my genius idea huh?" Hyunjin asks Minho as he smiles widely at you both.

"Ermm... ", Minho looks between you and Hyunjin looking positively confused. "I think I can do it yeah." He says in his honey-melting crush-heightening voice and nods at you.

All you can do is force a hopefully normal smile on your face as Hyunjin celebrates his 'victory'. You shoot Minho an apologetic look as Hyunjin forces you both to exchange numbers and discuss the tutoring schedule- every Monday evening at the library.

"See you on Monday y/n." He says with a soft smile as he hoists his bag up higher on his shoulder and walks away after saying his byes to Hyunjin.

There is no death for the crush now.

————————————

The Monday could not have come slower. Although it was only three days from meeting Minho it felt like the longest days of your life. To make matters worst, Hyunjin and Yeji, your roommate, could not stop talking about Minho.

Turns out he didn’t spurt out of nowhere since Thursday, he was fondly called Lino by the dance team. You’d previously heard Hyunjin and Yeji talk for hours together about the “brilliant” dancer that “Lino” was. But you’d also heard Yeji mock Hyunjin for constantly getting bullied by him. The stories that you had always laughed your heart out to because mostly Hyunjin did deserve it. But now those stories do nothing but increase your anxiety as you walk slowly towards the campus library to meet your gorgeous dancer-nerd tutor.

What if he bullies you too? Or worse what if you embarrass yourself in front of Mr Gorgeous!

You groan as you step into the library, searching along rows of students absorbed in their own world before spotting him. He was wearing another plain black shirt, hair messed up in sweeps framing the side of his face, and a thin framed glass perched on his face. His little nose scrunched up as he was concentrating on his laptop, the headphones on his head.

Why does this man make you weak over the bare minimum!

“Hey Minho”, you greet as you reach the table he’s sat at, settling down across the table from him.

He looks up removing his headphones and smiles at you, nodding in acknowledgment.

Both of you walk around on eggshells for the first few minutes, him understanding how much knowledge you have in the subject- he almost looks disappointed on hearing the answer be ‘nothing’. Eventually, you both developed a plan and he began explaining from the basics. Although you had a very hard time concentrating initially, especially when his eyes got all dark and focused, as he bit his lip whenever you messed up and explained in that calm soothing voice of his. But eventually, you started finding it easier to learn when he taught you in parts, giving examples and helping you take notes.

The hour passed by much too quickly for your liking but a part of you was relieved to be out of his strong gaze. He had given you some pointers and tasks to do over the week to help speed the process to pass the finals approaching in two months.

The following weeks go smoothly, Mondays becoming your favourite and most exciting day of the week- adulting really was sad. You saw Minho relaxing with every session, the third session he even started teasing you about your mistakes. He would let out a little “hehe”, smile brightly as his eyes lit up and shake his head as he says, “No that’s not how you run this. It’s a different coding language so the rules change.”

He never raised his voice or lost his cool. While you were constantly groaning or huffing in irritation at the irrational rules of computer science. You constantly explained to him that you weren’t an entire novice to coding but the concepts of operating systems and databases simply did not make sense. He would constantly assure you that this was hard for computer science majors and that you had not much to worry about. Eventually, the one-hour sessions became longer as you both sit back and talk about random topics during "breaks". He even suggested an additional session to "help speed the process", which made your stomach drop in an odd way (not because your crush kept exponentially growing in the last six weeks).

That’s how you find yourself in the library on a Thursday afternoon, coming to the library hours prior to your session with Minho. Trying your best to understand the concept you both were supposed to go over so that you didn’t look too dumb and also because your finals is approaching in two weeks. You used to be the topper in school, and you even managed to stay in the top 10 in your department but none of that worked here. It definitely didn’t help to learn that Minho was an extremely talented all-rounder.

In the last six weeks, you might’ve slipped into a couple or almost all of the dance team’s practice sessions pretending to care about Hyunjin and Yeji (both of whom were surprised to find you there for the first time in three years).

Minho danced as gracefully as a swan while emitting the most powerful aura on stage. You had seen the dance team’s performances before to support your friends but you hadn’t really noticed anyone except those two till now. But now you could not take your eyes off Minho even when you heard the team and other audiences praise how amazing Hyunjin and Yeji were.

You shake your head to prevent yourself from getting distracted by Minho’s tantalising steps from the previous day’s rehearsal. All of this did nothing but feed the monster of a crush you were fostering inside. She was so strong now that calling it a crush felt wrong. You were down bad. But that is a problem for another time, you needed to learn this concept before Minho gets there in half an hour.

You’re not sure how long it has been since you started hyper focusing on the topic but you are brought out of your reverie by Minho’s rich voice.

“Hey y/n.” He sounds cheerful and there’s a cute smile on his face which makes the monster butterflies immediately rise up in your stomach.

“Hello.” You smile back as he settles in the seat next to you. This was another suggestion from Minho since the third week to "help correct your mistakes better", little did he know it only made you more prone to mistakes with him so close to you. You noticed that he was wearing his white hoodie and grey joggers- which you know now is his dance practice attire, and his hair is all tousled and messy. His cheeks are flushed from the practice and he is slightly out of breath as he takes his laptop out and settles down.

“You’ve already started this topic huh. Good to see you working so hard. ” He says with a genuine smile nodding towards your laptop. You smile coyly, stomach doing a little flip at the compliment (it never gets old).

“Ah, nothing like that. Just had time to kill. Thought I’d try to catch up so that I’m not entirely clueless for today.” He nods and looks at you for a second longer than usual. Just as you think he’s going to turn to his laptop and start the session he leans towards you and brushes a strand of your hair behind your ears. Time comes to a standstill as you process what just happened. When you recover from the tingle his touch had left on your cheek and behind your ear, you realise that he has gone to his work.

“Let’s start?” He enquired looking innocent and all you can do is nod. Your heart is still beating fast as you try your best to follow everything Minho is saying. Every time you got your heart to calm down he would turn to look at you from behind his glasses, a serious expression on his face which was way too close to yours for your brain to work.

When you start working on the code he leans between you and your laptop to point at the code on the farthest end of the screen from him. His face is extremely close to yours as you do everything to remain normal- on the outside.

Eventually, the session comes to an end and you slump back in your chair sighing as you catch your breath and look at Minho. He is on his phone smiling every now and then and your hearts drops as anxiety clouds your head. Not that you had any intentions of taking any action about your crush… but still the heart wants what it wants. He turns to you as he puts his phone down and removes his glasses.

“How come you had free time today, before our session? I thought you had a full schedule on Thursdays?” He enquires and pushes his smooth fluffy hair out of his face.

You have two thoughts in your brain at this point- a) why did he have to be that gorgeous, and b) did he remember when you told him about your schedule the first time you both met.

You straighten up as you answer. “Erm… yeah no my lab got cancelled. Prof has been sick for a week now so I was free.”

“Is that why you seem to be having a lot of free time lately?” His question comes out more as a comment as he gives you a smirk.

“Uh what do you mean?”

He runs his hand through his hair again.

“Nothing just been seeing you around during practice a lot recently… that’s why.” He almost looks shy as he says it, but the smirk stays put on his face.

You feels your cheeks and neck heat up and do your best to not look like a deer caught in headlights.

You let out a small fake laugh. “Ah, that… I was just supporting Hyunjin. And Yeji too, she’s my roommate you know?” You ask hoping he’d shift the topic to them instead.

He leans back on the side of his chair eyeing you with the smirk still in its place. “Yeah I know. I’ve known for three years.” Your eyes widen naturally at this new information. “Which is why I was surprised to see you there now after all these years. You don’t usually come to practice sessions.” He says calmly.

There are too many questions in your head but you choose to ignore anything that gives you even a sliver of hope. You straighten more hoping the stature makes you look at least slightly intimidating. Which, judging by the even bigger smirk on Minho’s face didn’t work.

“I- I came because Yeji and Hyunjin were nervous about their solos.”

His expression is straight-up cocky. “Oh is that why you were staring at me the whole time?”

His words might’ve affected you so much that you were embarrassed but you weren’t going to feed into his ego.

“Seems like you need a new prescription for your eyes.” You pick up your things, start to walk away from the table and pause to give him a sarcastic smile.

"Also seems like you were the one who was seeing me instead of focusing on your practice."

You walk away hoping to save some face before you feel his hold on your wrist. His hands are rough and he holds you just tight enough to stop you but not hurt you.

“Y/n I was just teasing… sorry if I crossed a line.” He sounds so soft and timid that you whip your head around to see him standing behind you with big eyes and a small pout. You sigh and smile at him.

“I know… I was too. Don’t worry abt it, Mr Tutor.” You try to lighten the mood by lightly tapping his shoulder and see him shudder slightly.

“I do like seeing you in practices.” He admits in a low voice, a shy smile on his face.

You are just a melted goo of a human on the inside. The smile on your face comes naturally but for once, you don’t feel the need to hide it. Minho made you lose your guard way too much but even then today was way out of either of your usual zones. For the rest of the night, you are a mess of nerves and excitement. Yeji doesn’t question it anymore.

Two days later, you arrive at the auditorium of your uni with the two other friends of your gang- Jeongin and Yuna. As you three settle down in one of the middle rows, for which you almost fought off a junior, you are giddy with excitement to see Minho perform. And Hyunjin and Yeji of course.

You had tried to go to the dress rehearsal the previous day, catching the last few minutes of the performance and it was safe to say that the performance was going to be a hit. This time you didn’t try to sneak around, instead you waited after rehearsal and walked back with Minho, Hyunjin and Yeji. The vibe between Minho and you had shifted since that evening, he had texted you memes twice the next day and the previous evening, you both had walked close enough for your shoulders to brush while laughing about baseless things. If Hyunjin and Yeji noticed, they didn’t say anything and even gave the two of you some space by racing each other. For all the grace they both had on stage, they were complete idiots.

Your heart starts beating faster as the performance begins and you watch in a daze the whole time. All of them killed it from start to end. You were almost emotional watching Yeji and Hyunjin shine bright during their solos. Minho was on fire throughout the whole performance and you thought you dreamt of him looking at you during his solo- which was practically too hot for you to physically handle.

Once the performance is over, Jeongin, Yuna and you walk over to the green room to meet your amazing friends. You run over to congratulate your friends and even manage a small "nice performance" for the other members. The entire green room is filled with members of the dance team and their friends, all shouting and laughing. Amongst the chaos and happiness in your friend group, you can't help but look around for Minho. Catching your eye Hyunjin tugs at your shoulder signalling you to lean in as he says, "Go to the backside of the auditorium."

You look at him confused for a second before he gives a pointed side-eye that says "Don't act like you don't understand". You give a shy smile thanking him and inform Yeji that you'll be back and quietly slip out through the back door of the auditorium as Hyunjin told you to. Once you close the door behind you, a cool gush of wind makes you rub your shoulders for warmth as the green room's ruckus dies into the evening's silence. You look around for him and see a silhouette standing at the right edge leaning on the railing and looking out at the campus gardens.

Taking a deep breath you slowly approach him. As if sensing your presence, he whips his head around.

"Y/N." He says softly and you walk closer to see his left hand stretched out. You freeze in your spot, five steps away from him, gaping at the hand. He sees your confusion, smiles, walks toward you, and grabs your right hand. You stand there watching him and feel your feet move on their own as he helps you stand beside him facing the gardens, hands still interlaced. Your brain seems to short-circuit as you just stand there, still as a statue, hyperaware of his touch and the tingles it left in your body.

After what feels like a minute or an eternity, you are no longer aware of worldly concepts like time, he clears his throat and you see him angle his body toward you from the corner of your eyes. This brings you back to reality and you turn your face toward him and see how gorgeous he looks under the moonlight, hair all messed up, his shirt still clinging from the sweat due to the performance and lips spread into a soft smile.

"Hi." He says with an expectant smile on his face.

"Hey," you hear your own voice sound distant and breathless. It would be embarrassing how weak you were from this boy if you didn't know that he deserved all the love and attention in the world.

"So... you really didn't want to see me perform I guess." His tone is playful and there's a smirk on his face.

"Wha- What no... I did want to see you perform."

"Then you just didn't like it I guess. Tsk tsk." He mockingly shakes his side to side as the girn grows wider on his face. Your face heats up in embarrassment and you thank god that the only light around the place is hitting on his face and not yours.

"I never said that." You say in a low shy voice (again, borderline embarrassing).

"You didn't say anything good about the performance either. At least to me." He pauses and looks at you before turning to the garden again, "I heard you throwing compliments around like confetti inside,, to your friends."

You immediately feel your stomach drop in guilt and very little excitement (The Minho wanted your validation!!).

"Oh. Oh no, I- I didn't mean to... It's just," you take a small breath as he turns to face you again with an eager expression, "I can't really think right now with you holding my hand and looking all gorgeous and hot, and I keep thinking back to your moves on stage which were straight up sinful Minho." The words come out before you can process it and your eyes widen as you realise what you said and see that Minho's smirk has grown exponentially smug before he breaks into soft laughter.

You silently groan putting your head down on the railing. Minho stops laughing and tugs at your hand which makes you slightly face him. "Hey, don't be embarrassed." He says with that soft, kind voice of his.

"Easy for you to say." You mumble as you look at your hands, one still intertwined in his. He uses his other hand to lift your chin up to face him, you swear you can hear your heartbeat as loudly as a gunshot fired into the dead of the night. His eyes are soft, a twinkle in them, and he has the prettiest smile on his face as he takes in your face.

"I still want a proper compliment Gorgeous." He says and you choke on empty air at the term of endearment (the irony rather). He lets out a chuckle at that and raises his eyebrows for you to go on as he holds your other hand in his. "Can you even breathe right now?" He jokes and you snap out of the daze.

"Jerk," you say pulling your hands from his, turning away with a huff.

"Y/N... come oonnn..." He whines and you involuntarily laugh and turn to see him pouting (lost track of all the embarrassing things you do for him at this point). "Pleaasseeeee", he says with the cutest pout and puppy-dog eyes.

You sigh. "Well, you did amazing." The pout is intact on his face, indicating he wants to hear more. "I- I couldn't take my eyes off you the whole time. I saw Hyunjin and Yeji only during their solos." You admit sheepishly. You are still not sure where all this sudden courage is coming from. You are not the most vulnerable or soft person, in fact, your friends constantly teased you for being nonchalant and tactful during most situations. Lee Minho was going to be the death of you.

He straightens at the admission from you, eyes widening and jaw opening in surprise. A smirk plays up on your face at the opportunity to see him lose his cool.

"Have you forgotten your manners or are you too flustered to say thanks?" You tease not letting the opportunity go to waste. His demeanour changes and the shyness on his face is replaced by something darker, like trouble. He slowly walks towards you, like a cat prancing towards its meal, and you take a step back till you are flush against the railing as he keeps walking closer. You think your heart will fail if he keeps doing it. He stops an inch from your face, placing both his palms on either side of you on the railing.

"Let's see who is too flustered now..." His voice is deep and gravelly. You gulp and stare at his face, not having the courage to do anything else. He starts leaning towards your face, his eyes momentarily drift to your lips and god help your poor soul.

"Min-Minho.. wha-what are y-you doing?"

Your voice breaks and his lip tilts slightly before he speaks, "Can I kiss you?" His voice has gone an octave deeper and your heart skips several beats. All you can manage is a small nod in approval and he shakes his head. "Say it, Gorgeous."

Jesus this man is out to kill you.

"Ye-yes." The word leaves your mouth more like a question but the smirk on his face tells you he is satisfied. He leans in more, your lips almost connecting and you close your eyes waiting for his lips to touch yours. One beat, two beats, three beats and the effect never comes. You open your eyes in confusion to see Minho has moved a little back, with the proudest smile on his face.

Before you can begin to voice out your confusion he speaks. "I will kiss you...", you're still confused, "Only if you pass your finals."

"Huh?" That's all you can think and say.

"I said what I said."

"What does that even mean? Why did you ask to kiss me and then not do it... are you crazy! I swear to god if this is some sick joke to you, I will murder you Lee Minho." You are fuming, your face is burning up and you're embarrassed.

"I- no no you've got it wrong. I'm sorry I didn't mean to... I was teasing. Its... I have wanted to do this for a while now... but I thought maybe you don't really like me or... God!" He groans and runs a hand through his hair.

"What do you mean?"

He turns around to look at you, eyes wide and his hand fidgets in nervousness.

"Y/n I- I like you... I have for a while. I saw you during a freshman-year party as you came to help a very drunk Hyunjin. I thought you were his girlfriend for an entire year because you both were very close so I kept my distance. Last year I got to know that you both were just friends and really wanted to get to know you."

He stops and sighs, he positively looks scared and tired. You feel bad but your own confusion and insecurity clouds your mind.

"Then why didn't you?"

He looks straight into your eye and lets out a scoff.

"Did you even know me until two months back?"

All you can do is stare back because you are guilty. Even you had been asking yourself how you had never noticed Minho in all the times you've hung out with the dance team after performances. You had even known Chan, the team leader back when you were freshmen. But somehow missed the one person you seem to care about right now.

"That's what I thought." He looks dejected. You really want to hug him, which is surprising considering you don't even like hugs usually.

So you walk up to him, closing the gap between the two of you in three steps and wrap your arms around his waist and feel him freeze. Your head reaches near his shoulder, and you lean into it because there is some unbridled courage in you that you are not about to waste. After a beat or two you feel his arms wrap around your waist and you wait for the butterflies and nerves but instead, you feel your heartbeat slow down. It feels... comfortable.

"I'm sorry. I am not exactly the most observant person. Especially around the dance team because I am way too in awe and kinda scared. I don't think I would've been friends with Yeji and Hyunjin if I had not met them outside of the team. But after the last two months, I don't even understand how I missed you. Especially with how you dance and not to forget that smart brain of yours. But yeah... I'm sorry" The words fall out of your mouth on their own but it feels right.

"Not your fault. I did keep myself very much out of the limelight because I was... I don't know, maybe scared of rejection. But yeah, wish I'd spoken to you earlier." You can feel his words. You also feel his heartbeat slow down.

"I don't regret anything that happened though." His voice sounds a lot lighter this time.

"Neither do I."

You slightly pull back to see his face and try to get out of the embrace but he holds onto you tight. An involuntary smile creeps up your face.

"So... what happens now?"

He thinks for a second and a glint forms in his eyes.

"What do you want to happen?"

You like this.

"Three things. I want you to continue tutoring me. I also want to be your girlfriend and... I need you to kiss me now." You see him start to speak and continue before he can. "If you say you won't do that until I pass, I swear to god Lee Minho, I will never let you talk to me or touch me ever again." His whole face goes into a pout and it makes you regret your own condition because it seems impossible to stay away from this guy- in any capacity.

"Then I guess I'll just have to kiss you until you pass and then reward you with more kisses after that."

He is grinning ear to ear, looking all cute and radiant. You're sure your also grinning equally widely. You nod your head fiercly and he chuckles with his head thrown back (Gorgeous, as always). He slowly leans in and your eyes close shut.

This time you feel his lips on you, soft and firm. You had thought about this moment far too much but nothing came close to the real thing. The kiss felt perfect, delicate but assured and blissful. It felt like all of the universe had frozen in place and only the two of you existed in this endless bliss.

That is until you heard hoots from somewhere and reluctantly break the kiss to see all of the dance team and your friends cheering on for both of you.

"Neither of us was subtle huh?" You joke.

"Oh please, I was so subtle I practically melted into the background for a year." You playfully hit his chest as he laughs and waves off the hooligans cheering on.

"Ugh, it's gonna be so much harder to keep my hands off you during tutoring sessions now." He groans and you can't help but blush and let out a content laugh.

Maybe the computer science elective was a good decision after all.

515 notes · View notes

gardenfullofsage · 1 year

Text

Ceilings

Kylo Ren x Fem!Reader

Kylo loves you right? At least it's what you try to convince yourself of.

word count: 4,731 words

Warning(s) Heavy angst, Smut, Violence, Extra mean Kylo, Kylo's a dick in this one.

I don't own this Gif

You had convinced yourself that he needed you.

You had convinced yourself that he loved you.

You lay in your cold bed, as you watch him watch you. You pretend to not notice the look of anger on his face.

''You put my troops in danger'' His cold voice breaks the silence. You can't speak your voice raspy from the lack of dehydration. Funny, this is the first thing he tells you when you wake up.

''A thank you would be nice.'' You mutter quietly, you didn't want to anger him further. You don't flinch as he throws a vase against the wall.

''Thank you? I should kill you. You disobeyed my order, I told you to stay here, and now look at what you've done.'' You don't speak, you can't. You don't remember the last time you felt. warm.

''I saved your life Kylo, she would've killed you.'' This time you flinch, his grip on your face bruising. He forces you to look at him.

''Rey, has her own reasons. She's not as foolish as you.'' You fight the tears threatening to escape, you wouldn't give him the satisfaction of seeing you cry.

''You're pathetic, you repulse me, the only thing you're good at is getting in my way.'' You shut your eyes, as Kylo stomps his way out of your shared room.

'shared.'

You were the only one whoever slept here.

It had been years since your marriage to Kylo, granted you had no choice. You never did.

His way of becoming supreme leader, was by murdering, conquering, and marrying into the dark side. Your parents were quick to hand you over, they feared for their lives.

Not yours.

You don't know what love is, you never experienced it. Not from your parents, you didn't have friends, and now you're stuck in a loveless marriage.

You'd agreed to marry him because you wanted to feel something, you wanted to feel loved.

You roll over wincing slightly as you roll on your back, the gash on your abdomen created by Rey. She had tried to hurt Kylo.

Her lightsaber pierced through you, while his words pierced through your heart.

You stare at your ceiling.

This time you do cry.

You cry for yourself.

'Ceilings, plaster. Can't you just make it move faster?'

You don't see much of Kylo after that, it didn't surprise you. The only times you did see him, were times you managed to somehow 'mess' up. Every time he'd come to you, it was to berate you, remind you how pathetic you were, he's never touched you. Not even once.

You'd convince yourself that it was his way of showing he cared.

At least a bit..

You wince slightly as you make your way off the command shuttle.

The overgrown grass grazes your legs as you walk through the field, you knew this place like the palm of your hand.

You had dreams of marrying here as a child. There wasn't much you remembered from your childhood, sometimes you'd create scenarios in your head.

Your eyes flutter shut involuntarily as you feel the cool breeze prick your face. The sharp contrast between the quiet you felt here, and the eerie buzz of machines on the ship soothing.

It was rare for you to receive permission off the ship. Your wound was still fresh, you refused treatment.

You didn't want to risk bumping into him. Especially vulnerable, he would never see that side of you.

After sll you're pretty sure he would never care. Not when she existed.

You were too into your head you failed to notice the figure looming over you.

''I ordered you back on the ship 5 minutes ago. Why are you still here.''

You did not need to look back, you knew that voice all too well. His voice always held conviction, he lacked empathy that you were very much aware.

Even knowing, your heart always manages to sink.

''Dinner will be served at 0:17, you are to join me no excuses.''

You don't nod, it wasn't a suggestion. It was a command, an order.

You sigh, regretting it immediately the sharp pain on your abdomen still present. You carefully rise from your seated position. You slowly follow him back onto the shuttle.

An impending feeling of dread fill the deepest depths of your gut.

Turns out the 'dinner' was 100% a faculty meeting. One you were forced to sit and participate in.

You sit next to Kylo, your hands on your lap as you mindlessly listen to the General. Hux' you're not sure though, you were never properly introduced.

You've shared formalities once, just a nod while passing nothing else.

Dinner was served much after, by that time your appetite was certainly gone.

The food Infront of you was barren and cold, like the occupants in here.

''Eat. Your wound needs the strength to heal.'' The hall is flushed in quite. The hush hung heavy in the air. Your heart beats.

''What?'' You're unsure of weather he was speaking to you or...

You stare into the dark abyss of his helmet. Your reflection clear, you watch yourself nod as you force a mouthful. The food was tasteless, goosebumps rose on your skin.

You felt the eyes of everyone on you. You wanted to shrink.

Kylo only did this to exort control. Power.

He wants others to know you were off limits. Funny, because that was made obvious. The the black band that rested on your finger was proof.

Behind closed doors, you were nothing to him.

To seal the deal Kylo interlocks your hands and rest them on the table. His grip tight.

The meeting stretched longer than you anticipated. Conversations of how to overcome and finally destroy the 'Rebellion.' Kylo's grip tightened at the mention of the Jedi.

You ignore the way your gut lurches, at the mention of her name.

The room suddenly grew impossibly hot.

Your discomfort however was noticed by the general.

''Is everything ok?'' You nod faintly, before rising from your seat. The metal screeching as it scratched the floor. You pull your hand from Kylo.

''I would like to excuse myself, I'm not feeling well.''

''Very well. You're dismissed.''

You don't wait for his approval. You don't look back, as you take slow and tentive steps out of the dining hall.

Once you're out of sight, you bolt . A wave of nausea greeting the pit of your stomach. You ignore the sharp pain shooting across your body as you rush into your room.

You burst into the bathroom before reaching to close the door, it doesn't.

A gloved hand prevents it from shutting.

Your eyes widen as you watch Kylo crowd the space.

''I'm sorry I-''

You words were cut off by a yelp. Your arm is forcefully grabbed as you're forced out of the bathroom.

''Kylo, stop you're hurting me.'' You protest fell on deaf ears as you're dragged out.

You scratch and pull at your arm in his grasp.

Once you manage to pull your arm free, you're frame sharply connects with a wall. The blow excruciating as you cry out.

''You expect me to keep you around? How are you supposed to Rule beside me, when you're constantly embarrassing yourself.'' Your body is fueled with rage at his words.

You couldn't believe this man.

''Then why do you?! It has been made very clear of my disturbance. You do not need to keep me around.'' The room grew deathly quiet.

The hiss of Kylo's helmet, is the only warning you receive before its flung hard against the wall.

''You have no right to speak to me as such. I am your ruler, you obey me.''

You laugh un-amusement dripping from your voice as you stare into his lifeless eyes.

''I'll tell you what you ar-'' The sharp sting causes the air to escape your lungs. Tears well up in your eyes, as you watch his gloved hand curl as he uses the force against you.

''You take pride in being a burden. I should've killed you when I had the chance.''

This time your tears do fall. You shut your eyes as agony fills your body. The pain of your wound no match for the pain of your heart.

''You take pride in being something you're not. I see right through your stupid helmet, your stupid mask.'' You gasp out, you should stop talking but you're so angry.

You're so angry... you're so hurt.

''You fail to see what everyone thinks of you. Rey-''

''You shut your mouth!''

''You give her your hand, and she rejects you. You come back to me. You hate her because she rejected you. So here I am.' You don't kill me because you fucking can't!''

Your words hang heavy in the air.

Kylo's glare deep in your bones, as you struggle to stay coherent. The force finally taking its toll on your body. You almost think you're wrong. And this is his way of proving it to you.

'He's actually killing you.'

The force is ripped off, as you gasp for air.

An expression of pure hatred etched onto his skin as you watch him leave.

'This felt like the start of a movie you've seen before.'

Weeks, and maybe months pass before you ever see Kylo again. The scarring of his words forever etched into your head.

You selfishly, wish your own words stick with him too.

The past few days passed by in a blur. The first order was finally gaining onto the Rebellion. Victory was finally. promised.

The door to your room opens with a woosh.

Kylo stands sickly still. You pretend to be asleep, your heart beats as your eyes squint open.

''I know you're awake. Get up and follow me.'' You watch as he marches back out.

''Keep your mouth shut, don't speak unless addressed, and stay close.'' You nod as you walk closely behind him. You had never been here, the place was eerily quiet, shivers racked your spine as you made your way to stars knows where.

''The mighty Kylo Ren, When I found you, I saw what all masters lived to see. Raw Untamed power, and something truly special... the potential of your blood line.'' You freeze as you here Snoke utter those words.

You feel Kylo also freeze, the steps of the Supreme Leader loud as he makes his way over.

''Within your bloodline, a new Vader will rise, I was mistaken.'' You watch as Kylo lifts his head.

''I've given everything I have to you... To the dark side'' His helmet disorients his voice.

''Take that ridiculous thing off.'' You watch as Kylo hesitates to remove his helmet. A big nasty gash paints the side of Kylo's face, your eyes widen as you take in the wound.

''You have too much of your father's heart in you.''

''I killed him, when the moment came, I didn't hesitate.'' Yiu shut your eyes, as you take in his words. He was capable of killing his own father.

''And look at you the deed spread your spirit to the bone...You were unbalanced bested by a girl who had never held a lightsaber...you failed.''

You watch as your husband gets up and is blasted with snokes force.

''Don't you touch him!'' You feel your heart pound as you stand over Kylo. You hold your head high, as Snoke marches his way towards you.

''Silly girl, you fool.'' Your lips curls in disgust as he gives you a once over.

You flinch as he passes a hand through your hair, he chuckles sinisterly.

''You've managed to get yourself a good one, she will do just fine.'' You stop breathing entirely.

''The seed of the Jedi order lives, as long as it does hope lives in the galaxy. I thought you would be the one to snuff it out. Unless you're no Vader, You're just a child in a mask.''

The elevator ride back to your room was tense.

The tiny space felt crowded. You stood behind Kylo as he vibrated in anger.

Seconds felt like hours.

You watch in horror as he drives his helmet, through the wall repeatedly. Sparks of the destroyed fuses, burning as they caught on your skin. ''Kylo stop! You're hurting yourself.'' You don't know why you try reasoning with him.

His relentless beating to the wall doesn't deter, or slow. You were left with no choice. You roughly pull his head into your grasp, as you pull him into a hug.

Kylo tenses in your hold, and you half expect him to pull you off, and kill you for the stunt. But he stills completely before wrapping his large arms around your body.

You stand holding each other for a while, the feeling entirely new.

This was the first time he ever held you tenderly.

You so badly want this moment to last, you so badly wish time would stop.

The sudden ding of the elevator snaps Kylo out of whatever trance he was in. Soon he's rushing out of the metal encapsule barking out commands, as you stand staring at his destroyed helmet.

This was the Kylo you never knew could exist.

'And I would say all of this. But I don't wanna ruin the moment'

You're much more careful around Kylo, he seems to be in better moods.

He no longer yelled or ordered you around.

You found yourself suspicious. Every encounter behind closed doors was 'decent.'

You stare at the ceiling in your room. You replay and overthink the constant movies playing in your head. You were grateful, to improve on your skills of blocking him. out

He had no means, or way into getting into your head.

Your eyebrow ticks as you sit up. 'He had thanked you for walking alongside him.'

Granted you really had no choice but... still

Your seated beside him again as you partake in another faculty meeting. This time the topic surrounded and revolved around 'destroying' the Jedi.

Your eyebrow ticks once again.

'Is he allowing this to happen?'

You highly doubt it, especially when he almost practically split you in half for even mentioning her.

''We have some matters to discuss after this.'' He had mentioned discussing matters, ever so often.

''From now on, you are to attend any meeting alongside me. You are to stand beside me. Walk beside me, breathe and eat beside me. I will expect no less. Am I clear?''

Your head nods. His beady eyes stare into your soul.

''Use your words.''

''Yes,''

''Good girl''

For the third time today, your eyebrow again ticks.

You really should've taken his words into consideration. You find yourself next to him every second, every minute, of everyday. You walked beside him as soon as you land on the Death Star.

This is where the latest appearance of the 'Resistance' was made.

Your hands grow clammy, you've witnessed what they could do.

You've witnessed what he could do. You've been on the receiving end of his wrath; you can't even bring yourself to imagine what could occur.

The telltale singe of his lightsaber coming to life, sickening...

A gnawing feeling of dread filled the pit of your stomach.

Your eyes frantically look for Kylo. He had disappeared.

The sky began to cry. Rain fell hard as it drenched your entire being.

You dashed holding onto the bottom of your dress.

Your heart pounded. You dashed as fast as you could. Your body taking heavy blows from the ground as you slipped. Your speed never falttered.

The feeling of your heart getting heavy, your motivation.

The scene displayed in front of you; heart wrenching.

You watched as Rey stood over Kylo; her hand outstretched in an offering.

The violent crashes of the waves cold.

You feel your body move before your mind. The sight of Rey picking up his saber flashing.

The burn of the lightsaber, nothing like the burn in your chest.

'You'd fooled yourself.'

Your mind was failing to catch up, your once Chartreuse colored dress. Red from the blood leaving you.

You stare in panic, as she stands over you. Ironic.

She's always won.

She had the one thing you've dreamt of having..

His love.

''This is what you stand for? You stand for madness. Chaos''

You heave.

This is the woman he wanted to rule alongside with.

This is the woman he deemed, fit for your role.

You've saved his life twice now...

Your vision blurred, as rain crashed over you. The red oozed out of you and washed away with the waves.

You stare as she is flung to the side, by an invisible force. Her body colliding with the side of the ship as she lands hard on the ground.

Your limp body dragged onto a lap.

Your energy was draining, it was hard to keep your eyes open.

''Keep them open, stay with me.''

His hair damp from the rain, you want to speak. You want to say how stupid you feel.

You want to tell him how much you hate him.

You want to tell him how much you love him.

'You're kinda cute, but it's Raining harder. My shoes are now full of water, Lovely to be rained on with you'

''I hate how stupid you make me feel.''

Breathing is getting harder, this wasn't like the first time. No.

This time Kylo holds you, forcing you into a hug. He pushes the damp hair laying across your face, before he plants a shaky kiss onto your lips.

You feel your mouth stretch into a smile.

You feel warm.

His dark eyes the last thing you see before you're pulled into an abyss.

'But it's not real, And you don't exist, And I can't recall the last time I was kissed.'

You feel cold. And everything hurts. Your eyes slowly open, you squint as you try to adjust to the florescent lights. You try to sit up, the movement impossible.

''You're awake.''

You turn your head to the side, Kylo sat beside your bed. His large form barely fitting into the sofa chair.

''How long?''

Your voice was dry and raspy. He hushes you before placing a cup to your lips. You drink the liquid graciously. Your nerves tick. 'Why was he here?'

''You never seem to follow simple orders.''

The lack of conviction in his voice surprised you.

''I wasn't going to let you die-''

''And so, you'd rather die?!''

You shut your eyes. You didn't want to do this today. You were way over fighting with him. You had learned how stubborn Kylo was. A silent nod was the only response you gave him. He scoffs.

''You are supposed to rule beside me, not below.''

''I was never meant to rule beside you.''

You were tired. Too tired. Exhaustion filled your voice. There was no need to feign interest, there was no need to feign concern, and there was certainly no need to feign care.

''Kylo, I think we should stop here-''

''Don't you even dare finish that sentence. There is no ending. You are to get better. No excuses. Or so help me stars-''

''Rey, is she okay?''

You don't know why you asked, maybe reassurance. Maybe you just wanted him to rip the band aid off. Who knows. You hold your breath though. You want to be sure, you want to get closure. You want him to be happy, even if it wasn't with you. Even if he destroyed you.

''She should be dead for what she did to you! She hurt you.''

You notice the way his voice softens.

''Let me in...''

Your handshakes as you trace the scar adorning the side of his face. Kylo's eyes clench shut. He grabs your wrist before placing a delicate kiss onto the inside of your palm.

''I can't... I'm scared.''

Kylo doesn't argue he just nods. His cape flutters behind him before he goes to leave.

''I will bring the medic.''

With that the door wooshes shut.

Once again you find yourself staring at the ceiling.

'And it kinda comes out, As I get up to go.'

Days bled into nights since the incident. Kylo loomed over you like a hawk. You were never out of his sight. He was your shadow. You've began to grow used to his overbearing behavior; you find yourself looking forward to seeing him.

His anger was still an issue. Just not for you.

For once his wrath was not directed towards you.

Today was no different. News of the 'Resistance' Successful escape quickly filled the empty halls of the ship.

Chaos ensued.

Bodies plagued the floor, some lay still others out cold.

''Kylo.''

Your voice interrupted whatever was going on in the control room. The thud of the body, being choke by Kylo's force, loud.

Kylo turned at the sound of your voice, his black helmet now decorated with red. Due to your handiwork. You both stand staring at eachother, before you turn and walk out.

You smile at the sound of his pounding feet coming after you.

You walk in silence; you lure him into your shared room. You lean on a wall, arms crossed as you stare at him. You're unsure when this confidence of being within each others prescence formed.

''They can't get away with this... She can't get away with what she did.''

You hum in acknowledgement. You stare into his helmet.

''Take it off''

You hear his intake of breath before the hissing of his mask fills the quiet.

You walk slowly to where he sits on the bed. Your feet come in between his spread legs. You move his hair out of his face, before tracing the scar adorning his face delicately. He shuts his eyes as he releases a sigh. His large arms wrap around your stomach, he rests his head there; you caress his head.

The tension immediately leaving his body.

''Please let me in..''

Your heart thuds in your chest. Vulnerability coats his words. You slowly let the walls down. You cringe as a sharp singing of pressure rushes into your head.

Your thoughts were bare.

Kylo's arms clench around your midsection as he infiltrates your thoughts. Your soothing hand does not stop it's motions.

'Lovely to sit between comfort and chaos.'

I want you to bear my children.

The cough released from your chest loud in the room.

Kylo stares an amused expression taking over his face.

''I'm- I'm sorry?''

''I need to begin forging my bloodline... We need to begin forging our bloodline.''

Your eyes are wide. You'd been taking things slow. The past few months beyond enjoyable. You fell into a silent comfort. You were there, and he was here.

''I, I don't know what to say.''

''Don't say much...whenever you're ready.''

That night you laid wide awake. he laid beside you. You've walked beside him, did everything with him...You haven't shared a kiss after the first one.

Too scared to rush into it.

The sound of rustling sheets grabs your attention as you look to the side.

''You're thinking too loud.''

''Sorry...Were you being serious?''

''Hm''

''You want me to forge your bloodline?''

''No, I want you to forge our bloodline.''

Your heart skipped a beat. You turn to look at him. Kylo was already staring at you. Your eyes were like magnets, connecting every time. Your attraction for one another grew. You could feel it. Feel him.

''If this is about what Snoke-''

''Snoke no longer influences me.''

He had killed him. Set himself free. You nod, unable to use your words. Your thoughts were going haywire. The feeling of his hand caressing your face comforting. He had reclused any form of affection behind walls.

That night he kissed you.

He'd kissed you soft and slow. His mouth relayed everything he couldn't bring himself to say. Your hands grasped onto his shoulder. You looked for grounding.

If this was a dream you did not want to wakeup.

Your once soft kisses quickly became passionate. Your unspoken words a cacophony of something beautiful. Tears welled in your eyes.

'Finally'

His hands cup your face gently, as he breaks the kiss. He plants soft kisses onto your neck, his lips graze over your most sensitive parts.

Your grip on his shoulders, tightening.

You feel him slide, down, down until he's looking up. Your eyes meet as you nod. You gulp at the anxiety rapidly bubbling in your stomach.

Your panties are pulled off from beneath your nightgown, the air of the night Cold.

You arch your back of the bed, as Kylo blows a puff of air.

''So beautiful.''

He wastes no time as he dives in. His nose

bumping into your pearl, sends your eyes rolling back. His sharp tongue once uses to bring you to tears, now brings you to pieces.

The groan he releases cause a moan to escape from between your lips. His pace doesn't change. You find yourself gripping onto his hair, as you buck your hips onto his face. He chuckles the vibrations sending you into overload.

''Please-''

''Patience''

He's hushing you.

Your words slurred, as his thick digit teased your hole. You gasp as he shoves it inside, rocking it back and forth before he introduces a second one. Your groan in ecstasy, as he scissors you.

''Oh stars-''

'Bedsheets, no clothes. Touch me like nobody else does.'

You try to quiet your moans. his hands slap at your thigh. The impact sending tingles to your already sensitive body.

''Let me here how good I make you feel.''

Your body is coated in a light sheen of sweat. He looked so good between your legs. You throw your head back and clench your highs against his face, as his fingers quicken.

His tongue curls just around your clit, and you burst. The wire snapping, as you gush. Kylo never stops, even after you bordered sensitivity his laps never let up.

''Please, I can't-''

''Give me one more baby, give me. one more.''

Your body withered as he forced another orgasm out of you, you laid limp. Kylo crawled over you, you force his mouth onto yours. He moans as you lick yourself off his lips.

You loved the taste of you on his mouth. Your night gown is slipped off of you, as you undress him.

He kneels between your spread legs, his arms holding onto your ankles. Kylo places a delicate kiss on the inner side of your ankle.

''Are you sure?''

You nod your head.

''Use your words-''

''Yes''

''That's my girl'' He chuckles at your desperation.

Your eyes stay connected as he you feel him rub his cock over your lips. Your mouth gapes, as he nudges over your clit. Kylo coats himself in your slick.

Before you moan at the pop of him finally entering. The intrusion, borderline painful. He shushed you as you cried. His thumb going between your bodies, to rub at your clit.

''Tell me to stop and I will.''

You frantically shake your head. You beg him to move, do something to relieve the burning pressure growing between your legs.

Kylo's pace started off slow, he took his time in kissing you allover, marking you. Claiming you.

Your hands tangled into his hair, as he thrusted deeper.

Your lips never sepertaed.

Kylo was painting your sky with stars. Hanging the moon for you.

''Please.''

This time his pace quickens, your moans grow as the headboard of your shared bed slams against the wall.

''Take it.''

''You're doing so good.''

''Fuck, you feel so good.''

Kylo's praises in your ear, bring you to other levels. You find, yourself begging for him. You want him inside and out.

''You're mine...''

''I'm going to put a baby in you.''

''You're going to be nice a round with my baby, you want that?''

You nod frantically words slurring into Yes's.

''You're my queen, you're going to rule beside me forever. Not even death will keep us apart.

Your eyes well up with tears. Kylo wipes at the them, his pace never faltering not even as he makes you come over and over again.

Not even when he paints you full of him.

Not even when he tells you how much he loves you.

Tonight, you don't stare at your ceiling, you finally stare at him..

'And it feels like the end of a movie I've seen before, Before.'

___________________________________________

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#star wars sequel trilogy #adam driver #adam driver x reader #adam driver smut #kylo ren #kylo ren smut #smut #angst

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lattaeyongs · 2 years

Text

reunion (ml)

original gif

↳ pairing: mark lee x reader

↳ word count: 7.4k

↳ genre: barista!reader, exes to lovers!au, angst, fluff, smut

↳ summary: suddenly mark lee, your high school ex-boyfriend, is back in your life, and you’re not so sure that it’s a bad thing.

↳ warnings: contains explicit sexual content (oral, unprotected sex – please use a condom or birth control! stay safe!). read at your own risk.

“Order 68!” You say openly to the entire coffee shop, plopping the drink on the granite front counter.

There are a few more customers ordering their drinks, so you find yourself standing by the large coffee machine on the counter, waiting for a drink to pour into the cup placed under the spout.

You’re handed a few more orders by your friend and coworker Giselle who is standing by the cash register. Espresso, two shots of milk, and two cappuccinos. “So how was your date with Sicheng?” Your friend asks while customers who ordered drinks move to the other side of the counter, waiting for their drink to be served.

“It was good.” You say vaguely as you set down the order before clicking a few buttons on the coffee machine. “We had dinner, and he dropped me back home.”

“Are you guys gonna go on another date?” Giselle asks curiously, her tone struggling to stay casual as anticipation danced in her eyes. You purposely don’t answer for a while, pretending to be engrossed in your work. However, Giselle continues to wait as you make the last orders, standing by the credit card swiper just in case any other customers show up. But once you put the last customer’s drink on the counter, you have no more excuses to not answer. Letting the side of your arm brush against the front counter, you lean against it a little, shrugging your shoulders.

“Probably not. He was nice and everything, but he didn’t seem my type.” Giselle groans.

“Y/N! I thought Sicheng would be the perfect guy! He’s smart and funny and his parents are loaded,” she added subtly at the end.

“Just because I looked at him for more than two seconds at your sister’s wedding doesn’t mean that I want to date him,” you chuckle, rolling your eyes at your friend. “And besides,” you start again. “I’m trying to focus on my degree right now.”

Giselle is silent for a little bit, pursing her lips. “Other than dates here and there, I’ve never seen you in a serious relationship.”

“What’s wrong with being single?” You ask, your shoulders lifted up.

“Everything!” You snort at your friend, who is obviously more sarcastic than she sounds, but Giselle only comes closer to you, putting a hand on your shoulder. Her eyes are rounder this time, serious. “Y/N, you know what you told me two Fridays ago?”

“What?” You ask. You don’t remember.

“You said that once you got off of work, you were going to organize all your albums. I’ve been to your place, and that’s a lot. I don’t want you wasting Friday nights by yourself. You deserve an awesome guy. I just want you to be happy.”

“Thanks for your concern,” you tell your friend. “I’m happy with just working and going to college. It would also make me happy if you butt out of my love life,” you deadpan at the end, smiling.

“Fine,” Giselle says reluctantly. You laugh at your friend’s pouting face before picking up a rag to scrub counters since there’s no one else standing in line for a drink. But when you hear footsteps approaching, you and Giselle look up. It’s a boy around college age, who places his drink on the front counter. “Excuse me? The lid of my coffee cup is broken. Can I get a new one,” he shows you both the lid on his cup, a large tear in the side that would impede it from doing its job. Giselle looks to the spot where the complementary lids for coffee cups are and notices that they aren't any more lids.

“There are some more in the storage room. It might take a while, so I’ll bring it to your table,” Giselle responds. The boy nods, leaving. “I’ll be back,” she says to you, and you say a quick ‘alright’ before moving a few steps to the computer that registers orders and the card swiper. So far, you haven’t heard the little bell sound from the door of the coffee shop, so you’re pretty sure that no one is coming in. Taking a long look around at people busily on their phones and laptops most probably completing a last-minute assignment or others just here with their friends for a quick caffeine shot, you settle on your conclusion, tapping your fingers against the counter as you stare at the floor, humming quietly to yourself as you think about what you’re going to do after you get off of work today.

This is your second year working at this coffee shop. You decided to attend a local college only twenty minutes away from your home to stay close to family, and you’re living at home to limit the expensive dorm costs and accumulating debt that many of your friends complain about. After settling into college, you took a job at this coffee shop in the center of your town to get a head start at paying your minimal education costs and met Giselle, a community college graduate who’s earning money to get a four-year degree.

Your tapping is interrupted when you hear someone; you didn’t even realize that the bell went off.

“Excuse me?” you hear. That voice… it’s familiar, one that you haven’t heard in a long time, yet it’s one that you could pick out of anywhere. Looking up, you see someone you never thought you would see again.

It’s Mark Lee, your high school ex-boyfriend.

“M-Mark?” You sputter. You couldn’t believe it. But there he is, standing right in front of you in the flesh. You almost want to pinch yourself.

Only marginal things have changed about Mark’s appearance since high school; his hair is slightly grown out and he has a light tan. Right now, he’s wearing a t-shirt and some sweatpants, his earbuds hanging on his neck as if he came back from the gym or a jog, the latter being the most likely case because when you were dating, it was a part of his routine to go on a jog every single day.

“Y/N,” he says, smiling. “It’s good to see you.”

“Y-You too,” you stammer.

“I didn’t know you worked here now. How have you been?” Mark continues the conversation. Finding a pen on the counter, you’re glad you have something to fidget with.

“Well, I do,” you chortle. “And I’m good, I guess. Just working and school,” you respond curtly. “You?”

“The same.” His response is nonchalant, It’s pretty damn obvious how awkward it is. With neither of you saying anything for a little bit, you both let the light chatter of those at tables do the talking for you.

“Would you like a drink?” You ask politely.

Mark’s eyes widen, suddenly realizing why he’s here. “Oh, right,” he says bashfully. “One ice americano, please.” Ah, Mark’s favorite drink; back when you were dating, he liked to tease you by saying that it was 100% coffee compared to the sugary macchiatos or lattes you would order. With a small smile, you punch some keys on the computer by the register, you select Mark’s order on the screen. “That would be $3.49 with tax,” you say, looking up.

His hair brushed back, he pulls out his wallet to get his credit card. Swiping it across the scanner, a satisfying ‘ding’ sounds, recognizing that his payment was accepted. “Thanks,” he says a bit quietly. He stands there awkwardly for a few more seconds as if he wanted to say something else, but he just nods, seating himself on one of the barstools next to the counter you worked at; it’s practically empty most likely due to many preferring to set up their laptops or talk on the phone or with friends without the baristas overhearing them. Or alternatively, they would stand by the serving counter, which they thought would help make their drink faster.

Quietly, you move a few steps to the coffee machine, pushing your tongue against the side of your cheek, an old habit of yours that springs up when you’re nervous. Hoping that he doesn’t notice, you look from the cup in your hand to Mark, taking a glance at him as quickly as possible, but it seems like he’s trying the same. For a moment, both of you lock eyes, and it’s almost like you can’t pry your gaze away from him until you finally force yourself to, looking back to the coffee machine to fill some espresso shots on top of the ice and coffee.

Sealing the cup with a lid, you put the drink in front of Mark.

“Uh, here’s your drink, I guess,” you say a little more awkwardly than you intended to.

“Thanks,” Mark smiles. He continues to sit at his barstool, and with the lack of customers ordering right now, you decide to busy yourself out of your awkwardness, going to an obscure corner to get a broom, as far away from Mark as you can be. After taking a few sips, Mark’s gaze lands on you, and as you start sweeping, he begins talking.

“I’m gonna go to the bathroom,” he says. He leaves his drink, which he took a few sips of, on the counter, heading down the hallway beside your counter to the men’s bathroom.

Once Mark is out of sight, you hear another voice. “So I’m assuming you guys know each other,” Giselle says, leaning her weight onto one leg. She is standing a few feet away from you, coming out of a shadow. You almost drop your broom when you hear her.

“How long have you been standing there?” You ask, practically jumping out of your skin.

“Long enough to see some of the interaction between you two. From the way your movements were so stilted and how you stammered a lot, you definitely didn’t expect to see him, and by how uncomfortable you looked, he was probably someone you knew intimately…” Giselle trails off, her eyes widening, a gasp on her lips. “Is that an ex?” She looks excited.

“How did you get that from a one-minute interaction?”

“I’m a psych major, remember? Major deduction skills,” she says, pointing at her brain dramatically. You exhale loudly, almost snorting before she continues. “So answer my question. Is he an ex?”

“Yeah,” you say simply. Giselle’s look is curious, so you continue. “He was my high school boyfriend. We mutually broke up before college,” you say, your words meshed together stiltedly.

“I’m sorry,” she says.

“Don’t be.”

Back in high school, you and Mark were almost inseparable, to the point that your high school friends would lightly joke that he was attached to your hip or something. You were always laughing together, at one of the corny jokes or when walking together after classes, going to the same diner and ordering the same thing, and even… skipping classes to be together (you would only skip when it was a concept you knew you didn’t need the teacher’s help on).

But then all that changed.

Mark, when you were sitting together at lunch senior year, casually mentioned that he got into his dream college; it’s a posh school that has a prestigious music program, which would support his dreams of being a songwriter one day. He looked so conflicted when he broke the news to you because well… the school is on the other side of the country. You made it pretty clear that you wanted to stay close to home where it’s more affordable. In-state schools were on Mark’s list too since he wasn’t sure if he would get into his dream school, but after this discovery, he didn’t need those admissions.

You would have been a horrible girlfriend if you told him not to go, and eventually after much thought and coaxing from you that you would be fine, Mark accepted the admission. You said that your relationship could work as a long-distance one. However, during the summer, you changed your mind. A long-distance relationship is too much work, and many of them fail anyway. You wanted your boyfriend to be by your side, to touch him, to hold him. You didn’t think you could handle being apart. Mark eventually said that he was feeling the same thing and added that this was for the best.

By the way Giselle looks, it’s like there are wheels in her brain that are turning.

“So are you over him?” She asks.

“Why wouldn’t I be? It was a while ago.” You didn’t mean to sound as defensive as you did, and it looks like Giselle is surprised at your reply too.

“Just asking,” she says, looking at her nails. “Was he your last boyfriend?”

“Yeah, but what does that have to do with anyth – oh,” you say, tilting your head up. Giselle nods. You’re pretty sure that you know what she’s thinking.

“I can assure you that he’s not the reason I’m not dating. Remember that piece of paper I get after finishing college?” You joke at the end.

Your question is more rhetorical, but Giselle has almost no time to respond when Mark comes back. Taking his drink, he looks like he is thinking hard about something.

“Uh Y/N,” Mark starts off shyly, his eyebrows knit with concentration; a blooming red blush emerges on his cheeks as he grips his drink. “A-are you on your break right now?” he musters out.

“As of now, I’m not,” you say.

“Oh, well…” he trails off, his facial expression still nervous, his eyes darting. “I was wondering if you wanted to sit with me. Like-like maybe at one of those tables?” He cocks his head to a free table at the corner of this little cafe. Looking from Giselle to Mark a few times, you notice your friend’s encouraging expression.

“Uh, o-of course,” you stumble out. “Just give me a minute, I need to clock out for my lunch break. I’ll meet you at your table.” Mark nods acknowledging what you said. Watching Mark walk away, you inhale sharply.

“Can you cover for me?” You ask.

“Yeah,” she smiles. You look a little hesitant to leave from behind the counter to Mark, a boy you haven’t seen in two years, but Giselle practically shoos you away. “Go, reconnect, have fun!” Raising an eyebrow, she has a mischievous look on her face. “Who knows. Maybe I’ll be meeting him again as a boyfriend.”

“I told you. Over him.”

“Right,” Giselle says. She leans against the counter a little bit before talking again. “The thing with mutual exes is that you didn’t break up because you didn’t like each other anymore but because of circumstances. Maybe there are feelings still there.” Snorting, you finally leave the counter, telling your manager about your lunch break before making it to the table Mark is sitting at.

The cushy part of the seat deflates as you sit down. For a few moments, it’s silence with you fidgeting with the hem of your uniform and Mark observing the floor intently. You would have maybe expected to see him sometime around the breaks when everyone in your graduating class would be ditching their dorms and apartments to visit their family, but the closest break is a month away. You decide to address the elephant in the room.

“So what brings you back home? Why would you want to leave a university a few minutes away from the beach to come back to our boring old city?” You joke.

“Well, you know, homesickness,” he says, shrugging his shoulders. “I tried to forget about it because the music program is so good, but eventually my grades started falling. So I’m gonna transfer to a school here.” You nod at this.

“Oh, what school?” You ask.

“That’s the thing,” he chuckles softly. “I’m not sure.”

“That’s very un-Mark of you, the same guy that makes to-do lists for everything.” Your brow is arched non-threateningly. Mark was always a stickler for to-do lists and agendas, which was against the typical “creative” nature expected from a boy who wants to pursue professional songwriting.

He smiles at you. “I’m trying to take a break from college right now. A gap semester.”

“That sounds good,” you say after a few moments, unsure of what else to say. When neither of you says anything, the awkwardness appears again. It seems like you two are having a competition about who can steal the most glimpses at the other without them noticing.

“So what about you? How’s college for you?” Mark asks, sipping what’s left of his coffee.

“Oh, you know.” You shrug your shoulders. “It’s just college. Classes, assignments, studying, exams.”

“You still live at home?” He asks.

“Yeah. I’m not living for the concept of paying the government for the next ten years of my life just to live in a dorm.” You snort. None of the scholarships (minus sports scholarships) you applied for were enough to pay for room and board.

“Smart. My debt is probably through the roof right now.”

“How are your parents doing?” You ask, changing the subject. While dating Mark, you had an affinity for Mrs. Lee, who was the number one supporter of your and Mark’s relationship and even described you as the perfect girl for her son.

“Dad’s in Cancun, and I just had lunch with mom yesterday.” You nod. Mark’s parents are divorced, with the divorce in tenth grade being messy; there were those nights where Mark would sneak into your room because he couldn’t stand the fighting anymore, and you would fall asleep next to each other. Ah, the days when you and Mark were inseparable.

“Cool. Where did you go?” You ask.

“Some new Chinese place. It’s next to that Five and Below?”

“Ah,” you say, nodding slightly, remembering that the restaurant opened only a few weeks ago.

Suddenly, Mark’s eyes widen.

“Oh, how rude of me!” he exclaims. You look confused at the sudden rise in his voice before he continues again. “I didn’t even offer to get you anything!” Mark remarks, putting a hand to his forehead. You try to wave him off.

“Don’t worry it’s not that big of a deal, I don’t really want anything right now,” you say, but Mark doesn’t look like he’s listening to you. He rises, moving back to the counter where Giselle is standing. You follow him, wading through the maze of tables, chairs, and customers as you continue to reassure him that you don’t need anything; you stop talking when you realize that he’s already whipped out his credit card, swiping it on the credit card scanner.

“You still like caramel macchiatos right?” Giselle looks like she’s breathing in the entire situation as she waits for your answer.

“Yeah.”

After the general pleasantries were exhausted and the awkwardness faded away between you and Mark, you had a good time together – a good enough time where you even lost track of time; one of the other baristas who clocked in later had to tell you that your thirty-minute lunch break was over. So when you stood up and told Mark that it was nice catching up with him, he told you to wait. He said that it would be nice to hang out at a place where you didn’t have to clock in and out. So you set another time to be at the Chinese restaurant he was talking about since it’s on your drive home from work, and despite being close to it, you’ve never been to it due to being busy all the time.

You know that it would be a direct violation of the best friend code to not tell Giselle that you’re seeing Mark again, but right now, you wanted to keep this whole thing lowkey, and Giselle… she’s not lowkey. You bet if you told her, she would log on to Canva, and start making the wedding invitations.

So now you’re in Mark’s car after he insisted on driving you home instead of letting you call an Uber, which you have been doing the past week since your car is in the shop after the “check engine” light appeared. After much back and forth and insisting that you’re fine, you finally give in. His car is a used jeep that he got on his sixteenth birthday, and it looks almost the same as the day he left for college. When you climbed into the car at first, you noticed a stain on the floor mat near the passenger seat where you spilled a soft drink and the driver’s side window being slightly unrolled, for it can’t completely close for some reason.

Sitting in the passenger seat, it’s like you’re transported to high school again, to all the times you and Mark would parade around in this car to get snow cones in the summer or go to the festive Christmas marts in the winter.

Mark draws you back to the present.

“Wow. Construction here is actually finished,” he says. You look out the window to see a large road, one of the bigger roads in your city. It started off as a small local road, but since a lot of the city grew around it, it became more used, and traffic was unbearable. So, somewhat counterintuitively, construction began on and off, slowly enlarging the road until construction finally finished once and for all a few months ago, the road being as large as it is allowed to be under state provisions.

“Yeah,” you acknowledge. You look out the window, watching the glow of city buildings in the distance, and all is quiet between you and Mark until you suddenly, very loudly, sneeze.

“Bless you,” Mark says.

“Do you have a tissue?”

“Yeah. I think there should be some in the passenger compartment.” You look where Mark told you, lifting open the top of the compartment in front of you. What you find are a few tissues in a package like Mark said, but then you see something else unexpected.

“Dior’s ‘La Vie en Rose?’” You ask, taking the perfume bottle out of the compartment. You used to leave a bunch of random stuff in Mark’s car in the past, but you don’t ever recall having this perfume.

“Oh, that’s uh…” Mark trails off awkwardly. He doesn’t respond for a while, his gaze focused on the road. “My girlfriend’s. Well, ex-girlfriend.”

“Oh,” you say flatly. You’re about to put it back where you found it until Mark takes a hand off the wheel, waving at you.

“Don’t put it back. Just leave it in the cup holder so I can finally remember to throw it out.” He snickers. You do what he says. Afterward, you bring your hands to your lap, looking from Mark to your side of the dashboard.

“How long has it been in there?” Your voice is quiet as you ask this.

“Maybe a few months,” he says. You nod at this slowly, continuing to steal glances at Mark as he drives. Mark’s gaze slowly tilts from the road to you, and a smile begins to form on his face. “And you want to know more.”

“I do not! I’m not nosy like that,” you say, crossing your arms indignantly. To say that you weren’t at all interested would be a lie, though. Mark sees through this and laughs.

“Come on, Y/N, we all want to know about our exes’ relationships to see if they’re doing better than us.” You shrug your shoulders in an attempt to remain casual, but the embarrassment heating your cheeks tells another story. “It’s alright Y/N. I wanted to know about your exes too.”

You smile at Mark, at how he always tries to make you feel better. “So where did you meet your ex-girlfriend?”

“I knew her through a couple of friends. We hit it off and started dating. We only dated for a few months.”

“Oh,” you say, simply. For a period of time, Mark had moved on. So why are you slightly disappointed?

Neither you nor Mark says anything for a while before he continues. “During most of the relationship, I wasn’t that happy. And after that girl, I didn’t date much.”

You nod at this. “What about you?” Mark asks. “Anyone notable?” Mark, as well, is trying to remain casual as he drives.

“I don’t have an official ex. I mean, I’ve been on dates by myself and even ones that my friends have set me up on, but I don’t know,” you shrug your shoulders. “I guess college is stressful and it’s too much work for a relationship. I’m trying to focus on studies.” It’s Mark’s turn to nod as he drives. He turns into your neighborhood as if on reflex, still remembering exactly where you lived. But a few houses down is the house.

The house is a house that’s been on the market for at least as long as you remember (probably from the rumors of it being haunted), and unlike a lot of things that Mark has seen in the town, it hasn’t changed since the “for sale” sign is still planted on the front yard. Seeing this place, Mark comes to a halt.

“Do you want to go in? For old time’s sake?”

“Sure,” you say. Mark takes the keys out of the ignition, hopping out of the jeep. You do the same as well, coming out of the car, and Mark receives you, the two of you walking around the house to the back door, where you used to enter.

“Hairpin?” He asks, holding out a hand. You reach for one in your hair, realizing that you’re not wearing one before reaching into your pocket, practically a junk drawer of odd little trinkets that you’re too lazy to drop in your purse.

Handing him a brown bobby pin, you let Mark work his magic. Picking locks was something Mark learned from his brother who is five years his senior which became handy when you two would sneak out here.

When your parents finally caught on to Mark staying in your room at night, they said it couldn’t happen. It wasn’t that they didn’t like Mark – they made it pretty clear that out of all the high school boys who could date their daughter, Mark is probably the best they’ll get. But, it was just that they weren’t comfortable with you and Mark in your bedroom alone at night doing God knows what under their roof. Even though you told your parents that it was mostly harmless, just making out at the most, they still didn’t budge.

It was actually your idea to come to this house since you didn’t want to sneak out too far and get in trouble if you came back home too late. You didn’t fear ghosts, for they are dead. What could they do? Knock some books off the shelf and write your name in blood? However, you certainly feared your parents, who are very much alive. You haven’t been here since senior year, only driving past this house when going to work or college. So when Mark opens the door, you’re flooded with memories. All of the times where Mark would bring his guitar from home and play a song he was working on. The times when neither of you would turn on the lights after the sun had gone way down, leaning in to make out. The times when Mark’s head would be on your chest while comfortable silence persisted between you two.

The time when Mark took your virginity.

The model furniture in the house has not changed a bit. You look at the striped couch, to the tousled pillow that seemed sat on.

“So there was a showing of this house a few hours earlier,” Mark says.

“And there isn’t gonna be a showing at,” you stop, checking your watch. “9 PM.”

“Which means we have the house to ourselves.” As if you’re being pulled by a foreign force, you and Mark make your way into the master bedroom.

“Remember when we used to make out in this room?” You ask. You look up at Mark, your gaze lingering on his lips. Mark certainly looks manlier than he was in high school, the baby fat on his cheeks long gone, yet there’s still the same boy you fell in love with, the sweet boy that wouldn’t hesitate to rub your shoulders when you were stressed out, the soft boy with the contagious laugh.

It seems like Mark has the same idea.

“Yeah, a little like this?” He leans in, his lips landing on yours. They taste like the same chapstick he used in high school, and you smile into the kiss, your movements languid as Mark nibbles on the delicate skin of your lips. Both of you take your time, neither of you moving away until Mark pulls away, a loud ‘pop’ sounding between you two. Your lips feel cold without his.

Mark’s face is still close to yours as you feel his warm breath on your nose. You have so many words to say, so many thoughts bouncing about in your head, but none of them come out.

“You know why I came home?” He suddenly asks.

“Homesickness?” You answer breathlessly, recalling what he said at the coffee shop.

“Yeah,” he settles with his response for a few seconds before inhaling sharply. “Partly.” He separates from you, so you can see his eyes, that large doe-like gaze that hinted at the seriousness of what he’s going to say.

“For a while, I missed our boring city. The duck pond, the movie theater, the snow cone shop. College didn’t seem right. There was something missing, something important in my life.” He stops. “You. All the things I missed in our town were because you were in them. Remember when we would feed the ducks? Or watch a movie in the theater?”

“Yeah,” you say. Ah, sweet memories. You always feel slightly empty going to those places. Mark continues.

“I thought once I got settled into college, I would forget about you. But that felt impossible. I went to party after party, and my grades started falling, yet I was doing well enough to still pass my classes until the end of last semester. The counselor told me I had to redo statistics, poetry analysis, and music history, three out of my four classes. That’s when I decided that I needed to stop avoiding the problem and face it head-first. I landed here two weeks ago and went to your house. Your mom told me that I could find you at the coffee shop.”

Mark is silent, his lips pursing into a fine line as he tries to unlatch the tough words stuck in his throat.

“I still love you. You are my home.” he chokes out.

Stunned is an understatement. Shocked out of your damn mind sounds more like what you’re feeling right now.

You’re silent, and Mark’s look is that of nervousness about what you’re going to say back. He’s internally screaming at himself. Did he really bare his soul to you after not contacting you for almost two years, just showing up out of the blue wanting to embed himself back into your life? It sounds ridiculous thinking about it now compared to when he was packing his stuff from his dorm.

He’s interrupted in his thoughts when you start speaking.

“If you missed me, then why didn’t you call me?” You ask.

Mark sighs, running a nervous hand through his hair. “There were times I had your contact pulled up on my phone, debating whether to call you.” Mark stops for a few moments, fidgeting with the rings on his fingers. “But I always thought against it. I thought that maybe you moved on. You know the worst thing would be to call you and tell you I miss you while you’re on a date or something.” Mark has a sheepish look just describing this scenario, and this attempt at dramatic irony as humor doesn’t go unnoticed by you. You smile.

“When my mom divorced my dad, she said that he was always holding her back. I didn’t want to do the same thing to you.”

Silence is all that’s between you both now. This confession echoes in your mind, your expression remaining blank as Mark’s words bounce against the walls of your brain. When you look at Mark, his gaze is disappointed. “I shouldn’t have come back. What the hell made me think that you would take me back? This whole thing was stupid. Bye Y/N.” He turns around to leave the master bedroom, but something stops him.

Your hand on his wrist. You look up at him, the bouncing words in your head starting to condense into something you can say. Your voice is quiet, contemplative.

“For the first few months when college started, I wondered if I made the right decision. I thought maybe we should have tried to do a long-distance relationship.” You pause, studying Mark’s reaction, which is only a look of anticipation for your words. You lick your lips, starting once more. “But I always thought that missing you would fade away. That I would be able to go to the places that we went together without feeling a pang of sadness.”

“Date after date I went on, I always found the slightest faults in every guy I met with. His nose is too big, his voice is annoying, he’s too tall. I always compared them to you.” Damn it, Giselle was right. You’re not over Mark. You were using college and work as an excuse to forget about your feelings.

Feelings that Mark’s return sparked in you.

Feelings that you’ve let float to the top of your mind now that you know Mark feels the same way about you.

“I still have feelings for you too,” You say finally. Your gazes lock.

Leaning closer to Mark, you mumbled against his lips. “I love you too.”

Once again, your lips touch, his hand reaching for your jaw. But this kiss definitely does not feel the same as the one you shared previously. The first one was shy, and gentlemanly whereas this one… not so much. It’s needy, one where you want Mark in you.

Mark Lee took your virginity after prom junior year, taking you to this house when making out in his car got very heated. You weren’t ready to go home to your parents and brother so you snuck into this house, ready for more.

Right now, you’re in the same position, as if you’re the same person you were all those years ago. Mark’s lips travel from your soft ones, wandering to your neck. He repositions his hands around your waist, trailing down to your bottom to give your butt a quick squeeze, and you whimper softly at Mark’s lips, how they sucked at your skin long enough for you to feel pleasure rushing through your veins before he nips it gently.

This rhythm of sucking and nipping drives you crazy, and after waiting for Mark to make the next move, you decide that he isn’t going fast enough when you weakly try to take off his shirt. He finds your hands and puts them inside of his own. Against your neck, he mumbles, “Patience is a virtue, baby.”

At this, you let Mark hold you, leading you to the king-size bed in the center of the room. You’re under him, his knee finding its place in between your legs, close to your throbbing pussy. Mark takes a good look at you under him. His hands move from bottom-up, from the bottom of your waist, up your tummy, against your breasts until he stops at your collarbone.

“God, you’re so fucking beautiful,” he mutters. He readjusts himself so his face is closer to yours, his lips only a hair’s distance away. His dick rubs against your leg, and you gasp at this. His hands now wander under your top, gently moving over the skin of your abdomen. He inches slowly to the center of your bra, brushing it.

As his hands shy away from under your shirt, you only grip his wrist.

“Now. Please,” you beg.

“Alright.” He smiles. “I don’t let pretty girls wait too long.” He drags the blouse off of you, revealing you in a white bra. He quickly strips off your pants, tossing them haphazardly on the floor by the bed. Mark is staring at you, his deep brown pools of eyes racking your figure in just your bra and underwear.

“Stop looking and do me,” you whine, trying to curl up in a ball. Mark comes closer to you faster than you can think, holding both of your hands down.

“Let me just look, baby. You have no idea how much I missed this.” The heat in your cheeks seems to overtake your face at Mark’s gazing. It’s like he’s voraciously gulping the sight of you, the deep brown pools called his eyes in wonder at your figure. Finally, he unzips his pants.

But as he tries to pull down his zipper, it remains stubbornly in place. You titter at the sight.

“Need a little help with that?” You ask mischievously. You sit upright, watching Mark on his knees as he tries to unzip his pants.

“I think the zipper is stuck,” he says, a little flustered.

“Here, let me.” Looking down, you notice how the zipper was stuck to a piece of fabric that was a part of the jeans. You cut your nails a few days ago, so you were going to have to use a bit of out-of-the-box thinking to fix this problem…

Immediately, you lean down and bite against the fabric, holding it in place as you pull the zipper, and the zip comes gliding down.

“Now that I know what your mouth is capable of…” He doesn’t continue his sentence, letting you fill in the gaps mentally. You roll your eyes, smiling.

“You naughty boy.” Your eyebrows dance on your face.

Pulling down Mark’s underwear reveals his erected cock, aroused from activity with you. Leaning in on all fours, you wrap your lips around it, softly nibbling the delicate skin. Mark moans loudly at this action, you feel fluid enter your mouth, swallowing it.

“You always looked nice like this, sucking my cock,” Mark softly smirks at you, your eyes wide, as if they’re filled with innocence while you look up at him. He pets your hair, the strands airy and soft from the clementine shampoo you used yesterday. Once you’re done, you giggle, looking up at Mark once again. He takes his thumb and wipes the corner of your lip.

“Good job kitten,” he says. His voice is breathy, seductive as you pant.

“Are you ready for me now?” He asks. You nod vigorously. You don’t have time to take another breath when Mark pushes you against the headboard of the luxurious bed. He strips the remaining clothing off of you, your bra and underwear being thrown aside to the flood. His lips find their way to your neck, and you giggle at this.

“You just love my neck, do you?” You ask slyly.

“Give me a break. I haven’t felt this neck in two years.” You eventually slump against the headboard, your head slipping downwards from the large, mahogany piece of wood, now resting on the pillow as Mark’s lips make the arduous journey from your neck to your chest, his hands cupping your delicate breasts until his lips meet your nipples, delicately sucking the little buds. This sends chills down your bare back, that of exhilaration at how forbidden this sex was – this abandoned house was probably going to be checked by the realtor tomorrow morning, and they’ll probably notice that this house had some unexpected guests. But you don’t care because your thoughts are full of want: you want Mark Lee so bad. Even after two years of not contacting each other, he’s still capable of creating butterflies in your stomach.

Mark moves from one nipple to the other before moving down your abdomen, down your smooth tummy, still warm from the heat your shirt provided.

Mark skips from your stomach, his lips meeting your thighs instead. His lips are now at your inner thigh, pressing loud smooches against your hot skin. Again, with his pattern of sucking and letting go, licking and breathing over the soft pools of his saliva that stood on your skin that brought chills to your body, an art that Mark has mastered that makes you want him even more. Your legs swish in the air, due to the ticklishness of his kisses.

“Easy there tiger. I’ll come in, I promise.” He softly kisses your thigh, his hands holding open your thighs. This whole thing drives you crazy; you hate how you feel like jelly under Mark, how he’s managed to break down all your defenses, yet you absolutely adore it, secretly wanting to feel this way for a long time.

A loud scream rips from your throat when Mark’s fingers – what you recognized as his index and middle finger – reach inside of your vagina.

“God, you’re so loud, your parents probably heard you,” he jokes.

“Shut up and do me,” you whine. Mark binds down your wrists with both of his hands.

“Alright bossy,” he smirks. “You really want me to do you?”

You know you misstepped when Mark pulls out his hand and instead shoves his dick inside. You pant loudly, gasping for breath at this. You feel your walls closing in, spreading pleasure through your veins as you feel his dick. You moan loudly.

You start to wildly thrash as Mark comes closer to you, his chest pressing against yours, his lips leaving whispers of kisses along your jawline as he moves around, shaking in you. You feel you’re not sane anymore, that everything is just an illusion compared to the pleasure Mark was putting in you.

“Come on angel, say it, say my name,” he coaxes you as you continue to moan.

“M-Mar-Mar-” you manage to stumble out. Words didn’t make sense in your head anymore, just feelings, emotions, images. Quite literally, Mark was fucking the brains out of you, and you were enjoying every second of it.

“Sorry sugarplum, that’s not good enough. You know how many times I dreamed of you being under me, screaming my name in college?” He asks. Your brain is too fried to answer.

“Well, I’ll spoil it for you. A lot. It’s our first time in two years, make it count, honey.” He says simply. You’re feeling obedient now as Mark pulls out, his cum dripping on the bed and yours falling out of your vagina, mingling with his. He pushes in once more, shaking himself inside of you. The minimal light outside shines onto your cheeks, making you look like a literal angel to Mark, possibly one that fell from grace considering the position he has you in. Nonetheless, you’re his angel that fell from grace, all his, no one else’s…

“I’ll tell you again,” he says. “Say my name.”

After a few moments, you can’t handle Mark in you, how your walls so easily wrap around him as if to trap him forever, to keep him with you. Your head is throbbing with the pleasure felt in your clit, and finally, you say something other than loud moans or whimpers.

“Mark!” You roared.

“There you go. You see?” He asks, a sparkle in his eye. He pulls out, leaving you dripping. “Was that so hard to ask?”

“Yes,” you say playfully.

“Now one more step,” he says. “Cum for me angel.” He smiles sweetly. He knows you through and through, what you like, what makes you tick, what makes you cum.

Massaging your waist, he places his head on your breasts, gently nibbling at your body. This brings you to otherworldly levels of serotonin, and you feel something eject out of you.

“There you go.” Mark watches as you slightly twitch as the cum spills from you. You’re breathing heavily, and Mark looks at you with a loving gaze. He leans in for one kiss, two kisses, a few more actually as his lips slip on and off of your soft mouth.

“You did well angel,” he said. “I love you.”

“I love you too.” You say to him. Love wasn’t the only thing you felt for the boy in front of you. He’s a multitude of other things for you. A best friend that tells you the hard truth when you need it, a confidant that would never judge despite what you told him, a caregiver when you need it.

“Mark,” you say suddenly. He looks at you as if you’re the only thing in this world. He’s all ears.

“You’re my home too.”

tagging: @infnteen

a/n: special thanks to my lovely friend @peachjaem00 for beta-reading this fic for me! let me know what you think, and as always, thank you for stopping by!

#repost bc the tags suck #nct #mark lee #nct fluff #nct smut #nct angst #mark lee fluff #nct scenarios #mark lee scenarios #mark lee imagines #nct imagines #nct reactions #nct 127 smut #nct dream smut #nct dream fluff #nct 127 fluff

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