#you guys don’t understand the level of. birth posting. that was happening. i don’t think i need to speak on this further. | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

spade-riddles · 3 years

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Submission: Adjusting expectations

Okay, guys. Wading in here where it’s possible no-one wants me, but … here goes.

We - Kaylors - are in a hard place right now. People feel hurt, they feel hopeless. They feel like they were led on by the likes of Spade. I’m not here to invalidate any of the feelings that come from seeing Karlie and Taylor play out this charade.

But I think we (collectively, as a fandom) need to take a breath and ask if any of this is really as bad or unfixable as we think it is. Because, for me, the recent stunting is hard to stomach but not truly surprising. On some level this is how I expected Karlie and Taylor to handle both the birth of the baby and the launch of the rerecorded albums. As much I wanted to believe in the idea of spring breaking loose and bringing with it a fervent revolution … I could see the pieces still in play on the board and I doubted it was coming.

I think the problem is that there was a split between the optimist and pragmatist sides of the fandom, over the last year or so. To be clear - I’m not judging the optimist side of the fandom. Not at all. Taylor has pulled wildcard moves before, and emotions run so high in all this, especially with a baby involved now, that I don’t blame people for wanting to believe the best. But it reached a stage where some of the things people were trying to talk themselves into were just wildly unrealistic. And when that happens, of course you’re going to get hurt. It’s inevitable.

But let’s really look at this for a second. We should have known that neither Karlie nor Taylor was going to be shaving her beard in March. Ditching Jerk right after or just before the birth would have been too soon for Karlie. It’s not unusual for a celeb marriage to fizzle out within a year of the birth, but before the baby even arrives? That would be weird, and would draw attention just when it seems Kaylor don’t want it. They just had a baby. That’s an adjustment in itself, and Karlie is suffering enough social media hate on top of that. I wouldn’t blame her for just wanting to take a break and lie low during this difficult time. And unfortunately, for Karlie, that means maintaining the status quo of the situation she put herself in with Jerk. She may be doing the bare minimum to maintain it, but if she wants to avoid attention, she has to make it seem like everything between her and her “husband” is normal. And that she’s trying to make it work, which I believe will be important later. Good people try to make it work, even in bad relationships.

Toe wasn’t going anywhere either. Taylor had relied on him so heavily during the promotion of Folklore, with the William Bowery narrative, that she was almost backed into a corner. She had to give some allusion to his air quotes “creative input” and their so-called happy relationship, or her failure to do so would have become the story and overshadowed her night. The headlines would have either been break-up speculation or complaints that she didn’t give him his due. We think the cutesy coverage after she named him in her acceptance speech was bad, but negative headlines have a far longer shelf life and can take on a life of their own. They would have been worse. Whatever we might think of Taylor’s actions, Folklore is one of her best albums and she deserved to have her night.

So, on to the announcement of the birth. This is a tricky one, and again, I completely understand why people reacted so badly against it. It was everything we as a fandom said we didn’t want. It was Jerk using the baby for personal good PR. But I have to be honest here. I always thought we were kidding ourselves believing he would NEVER be seen with the baby or implied to be the father. I do believe Karlie is doing her damnedest to minimize the digital footprint of his involvement and keep her actual baby out of it. But he was always going to get to bask in the glow of playing daddy for a while. It’s the trade off Kaylor made when they used him to shore up their closet.

This is also why I increasingly suspect the timing of the announcement got the green light from Kaylor too. If Jerk was always going to be assumed to be the father of Karlie’s baby, then there was always going to have to be a birth announcement that incorporated him somehow - unless the girls were ready to answer awkward questions, and it doesn’t seem like we’re there yet. So the best way to minimize the damage is to have his moment of glory overshadowed by a bigger win for Taylor. It worked pretty well actually. Even on Kaylor blogs the stunt was mostly buried by Taylor content.

I know a lot of fans feel gaslit by all the hints, but I do think there’s a possibility Taylor really didn’t grasp how hurt Kaylors would be. From her perspective, she “fed” fans three times over that night. She gave us a beautiful performance, a gorgeous red carpet moment, and a win to celebrate. I think it’s possible she really didn’t realize the double whammy of stunting that night would make it all feel worthless for many.

Taylor is in an awkward position. As a consequence of Kaylor retreating into the closet, the support base for them has shrunk. (When I use the words “Kaylor fandom”, I refer to this support base.) I would say Kaylor fandom consists of two parts. There is a silent portion, who observe events and comment anonymously, but don’t say anything “on main”. And then there are the small corps of true believers, who think Karlie and Taylor are still together and the baby is theirs. This latter group do most of the actual talking about Kaylor, but they tend to be pretty battle-hardened. They’ve been around for years, they never believe any of the stunts and their capacity to be hurt by them is, as a result, pretty limited. These Kaylors criticize sometimes, but they tend to fall back in line eventually and mostly adopt a “let’s wait and see how this all shakes out” approach. The problem is that I would say these “chilled” Kaylors are the minority. For their own sanity they curate their blog experience and often don’t post the more negative anons they get. Which is fine, but if you were looking at it from the outside, I could see how it might create an impression that the fandom as a whole can roll with the punches. And for a lot of the silent majority, that’s not the case.

But again, I can see how Taylor might not necessarily know that. She went quiet after the Grammys, when I might have expected more celebratory posts from her. If I had to guess, I’d say she didn’t expect the backlash. I’m especially noticing a backlash against her for allowing Karlie to take so many hits while her own reputation has never been better. And I can’t defend her on that one, except to say I hope she has a plan. But I understand where people are coming from when they say the songs aren’t enough and actions speak louder than words. It’s tough to watch.

Still, we’re in a position we should realistically have been able to see coming. We should have known Jerk wasn’t going to be out of the picture immediately after the birth. This is one of those things nobody likes, but maybe we all just have to be patient on. I don’t see Karlie busting out of the closet to admit her marriage was a fake, or testifying to the FBI. I think she’ll just let her marriage quietly fall apart, as many real marriages did during the pandemic. And for that to work, she needs to make it look like didn’t throw away a family unit lightly. Hence the “I tried” post, the social media break, and the suggestions of spending time with Jerk’s family. All of this can be spun later into a narrative of Karlie having tried to make it work, only to never really be accepted. The hate online affected her mental health and she gradually realized how unhappy she’d become and decided she needed to break free and find her old self again for her baby’s sake. This is the most likely narrative for Karlie’s freedom and it’s one that could work - but it’s going to take time to unfold. Personally, I’m giving it a year. If we don’t see a separation by then, and definitive moves to a reunited Kaylor, I’ll be bowing out. I’ll still know what I believe the truth to be, but I won’t see the need to devote my energy to defending it. ,

Meanwhile, the masters rerecords are about to be released, and Taylor has invested a lot in their success. Because of this, I can’t envision her coming out until at least the big three (Fearless, 1989, and Red) have dropped. She might drop hints, but I don’t expect anything earth-shattering. Even the order of the album releases seems to confirm this. She’s breaking out the big guns first.

I’ve seen people speculate that because Rep can’t be rerecorded until 2022, Taylor will hold off on any coming out until then. And I’m not so sure of that. Yes, people listening to the album for clues would give Scott and Scooter money, but if we’re being honest, a fair amount of people are probably listening to those albums already, regardless of the drama. Those sleazeballs are profiting from Rep, full stop. But if Taylor profits more, from her bigger albums, she still wins. And she can still put out a Taylor’s version of Rep with vault tracks and collabs, to seduce people away from the Big Machine version in early 2022. Honestly, I think there’s a good chance Taylor would consider this is a worthwhile trade-off anyway, if it meant she got to live a more open life with Karlie - and most crucially, begin to repair Karlie’s reputation. As children get older and the world begins to leave the pandemic behind, it becomes harder to live behind closed doors. I guess we’ll find out how Taylor finds the reality of such a life, and what she considers worth sacrificing to step away from it.

All this to say: I can’t predict the future more than anyone else, but I don’t think the situation we’re in now is irreparable, and if we’re being really objective, I don’t think it’s even surprising. I do think Taylor should give us something, if she wants to keep us around. No-one can live on a complete absence of hope, and as I’ve stated, letting the fandom dwindle to this extent has its own dangers. But I think we also need to keep our time frames realistic, even if it means rejecting lifelines like the Spade riddles. We shouldn’t expect Karlie to be free of Jerk for around a year, and we shouldn’t expect Taylor to do anything much beyond general music promo until at least the big three have dropped. Sucks to say it, I know. But at least this way we won’t be disappointed, and if Kaylor do pull a wild card and move towards freedom, we can be pleasantly surprised.

Just my two cents.

___________________

Well written and fair arguments on our reactions and expectations. I had typed up more, but I will let others post their comments before I chime in.

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canary3d-obsessed · 4 years

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Restless Rewatch: The Untamed Episode 09 first part

(Masterpost) (More Canary Funsies)

Warning: Spoilers for All 50 Episodes!

This episode features so many eternal minutes of zombie shambling that I thought I could fit everything into a single post. HA HA HA HA nope.

Zombie Temple

The trio do their best to fend off the not-zombies in the temple. Lan Wangji tells Wei Wuxian that he can’t go carving them up because they’re not actually dead, and drops a callback to their very first meeting at the gate of Cloud Recesses, when Wei Wuxian caught his attention with his pillowy lips comment on the not-dead cultivator.

Lan Wangji: You said it in that golden moment that will be seared into my memory for eternity, where I heard your voice and laid eyes on your angelic face and lost my heart forever, remember? Come on, babe, it was our very first zombie! How baked were you?

Wei Wuxian: I jerk off to the sword-fighting memory, not the zombie memory, you weirdo.

Nie Huaisang’s fear of the definitely not undead has apparently gotten him the rest of the way over his fear of Lan Wangji, because he’s now yelling “Lan-Xiong!” right along with “Wei-Xiong!” as he struggles. Note that although he later mentions that his fan is made of some fancy metal, we don’t see any evidence that he wants to fight with a fan any more than he does with a blade. I don’t hate anyone’s fan-fighting NHS headcanon, but my take is that he just isn’t a physical fighter, and that’s ok.

This is a good time to remember that our entire experience of the Nie clan so far in this story is 1. Clever but hopelessly combat-unready tiny artiste Nie Huaisang 2. Quietly helpful, absurdly pretty sidekick Meng Yao.

We don’t know yet that Nie Huasang’s gege and Meng Yao’s sugar daddy is literally the toughest motherfucker in the entire cultivation world. But his friends do! Which makes me love these dynamics even more, because not one of them criticizes Nie Huaisang for being the person he is.

(more after the cut!)

Never Let Me Go

This scene is where Wei Wuxian gives his tacit consent to being used as the eventual agent of Nie Huaisang’s vengeance....ok not really.

But he does make it clear what Nie Huaisang should do when he’s in a pickle. And NHS doesn’t forget things.

Priorities

Meanwhile, Lan Wangji isn’t nearly as patient as Wei Wuxian, and he drops a silence spell on Nie Huaisang basically out of annoyance. It’s not like they’re trying to be sneaky.

Lan Wangji: How about you have an exquisitely crafted ceramic cup of shut the fuck up?

Flute Girl

Wen Qing comes to the rescue by summoning all of the not-zombies, who happen to be her extended family, to come toast some marshmallows.

She’s another person who unwisely demonstrates, where Wei Wuxian can hear her, the power of flutes over zombies.

This move doesn’t seem to do anything important but it looks cool.

Brother Dynamic: Bad. Really Bad.

Jiang Cheng shows up in the temple and trolls everyone, because this is a great time for childish antics. Wei Wuxian is super happy to see him and runs over to hug him, which earns him a shoulder slam.

This is a regular part of their body language with each other. Wei Wuxian covers his hurt reaction very, very quickly, with a smile that doesn’t involve very much of his face.

Wei Wuxian is so good at pretending his feelings aren’t hurt, he probably convinces himself.

Then he gives a too-honest answer when Jiang Cheng accuses him of...daring to enjoy himself, basically.

That’s more truth than Jiang Cheng was looking for, and he raises a hand to Wei Wuxian, who hides behind Nie Huaisang. This move is interesting because on one level it’s just clowning; obviously Nie Huaisang can’t protect WWX from anything, and WWX doesn’t need protection from Jiang Cheng.

WWX can easily beat JC in a fight, as he’s let us know before. On another level, this retreat signals WWX’s harmlessness, his childlike-ness, in a semiotic dance that has been playing out for over a decade between the brothers. NHS is taking on Jiang Yanli’s role in the choreography, this time.

All of this troubling hostility doesn’t make Jiang Cheng a bad person. He’s young and he’s still under his parents’ control and subject to their abuse at home. It takes time to develop mindfulness about this stuff and learn to treat people beneath you differently than the way you are treated.

Jiang Cheng isn’t ready for that yet, any more than he is ready to say out loud that he cares about his brother.

Leave My Boyfriend Out of It

This interaction is noteworthy for Wei Wuxian defending Lan Wangji to his brother, before Jiang Cheng even has a chance to blame Lan Wangji.

Wei Wuxian says that following Lan Wangji was his own idea, and then gives LWJ the sweetest, warmest smile.

Lan Wangji also gets a pair of totally unearned, delighted smiles of thanks from his two besties when he lifts the silence spell on Nie Huaisang.

Being mildly dickish all the time works out fine, I guess, if you only make friends with people whose brothers are legendary grouches.

Grilling Wen Qing

Wei Wuxian finally decides he’s had enough of Wen Qing’s crap, and gets slightly aggressive in questioning her.

He’s not actually roughing her up but he is approaching her as a near-enemy for the first time, rather than as someone who wants to be her friend. Once Wen Qing tells him what’s up and agrees to a sort of temporary alliance, he goes back to being his normal slightly awkward self with her.

I don’t romance-ship WQ and WWX, except maybe as corpse-mountain era FWB, but I do like their chemistry. And their friendship is really refreshing and interesting, based on sharing goals and working together, not on emotional intimacy. It’s nice to see people with a lot of barriers around their hearts, building a strong, trusting bond without having to actually open up very much.

The idea of perfect sharing between people is a nice one, but it’s pretty alien to many of us who are recovering from trauma, or people who just aren’t wired that way, and it’s good to see other models of friendship and love.

Wei Wuxian, at Lan Wangji’s direction, parts the Red Sea drops a cage on the other 3 cultivators before going to hunt the dire birdy.

Jiang Chang is, predictably, pissed off about it, in spite of Wei Wuxian’s “you’re good at this” parting words, and says, according to the subtitles, “you bastard!”

“Bastard” is a pretty specific epithet, in English. In the current century, it’s generally used to mean “asshole,” more or less. But it still does carry the meaning “of illegitimate birth,” and since The Untamed is often concerned with legitimacy it seems pretty strong for JC to use with someone who is rumored to be his own Dad’s by-blow.

Let’s have a look and see what he really is calling him... 你混蛋 = Nǐ húndàn = “you bastard” per Google translate. Wow, Jiang Cheng, you really went there, huh.

Wen Granny

Wen Qing and the others in the golden cage watch as the not-zombies try half-heartedly to get to them. Wen Qing is super sad about it, as opposed to the two guys who are just annoyed (Jiang Cheng) or scared (Nie Huaisang).

The first time I saw this, it was just - oh, Wen Qing sympathizes with this poor random woman, she feels bad about what's happening, this is to show us she has a heart.

Now though -- that's HER granny. Maybe not her bio-grandma but clearly a granny of her clan, who she knows well, who later cares for A-Yuan when he's a child, so may very well have cared for A-Qing and A-Ning when they were small, too. Owie.

Dire Bird Hunting

Lan Wangji and Wei Wuxian run off to hunt the smoke bird together. They are quickly trapped in cool-looking fog. Kudos to the Director of Photography.

They spend some time being confused and also being peak Wangxian 1.0 as they help each other out.

Lost in the fog and unable to summon talismans, Wei Wuxian is mainly about checking on Lan Wangji, making sure he’s ok, making sure he’s near. He doesn’t spare any worry for himself.

(We get a rare instance of seeing an actually glowing sword here, instead of just having a character say “I saw the beams of swords!” to save money on VFX.)

Lan Wangji, meanwhile, understands the mental attack they are under, explains it to Wei Wuxian with only a little snark about Wei Wuxian’s overly busy mind, and teaches him how to handle it.

Lan Wangji is super disciplined in mind, body, and sword - his fight moves don’t change, really, throughout his life, but he gets better and better at execution. Wei Wuxian isn’t exactly undisciplined, but he’s super creative and busts out a new skill in nearly every encounter. Lan Wangji sees this and is learning to make use of it.

After Lan Wangji helps Wei Wuxian overcome the confusion that is blocking his talisman use, he tells him which talisman to use.

This isn’t a talisman that LWJ uses himself, it’s just that he’s paying very close attention to WWX’s battle moves, and has a great memory, so he knows which ones will work. In a pretty short timespan he’s moved from thinking like a solo swordsman to thinking as part of a team with a broad range of battle skills. Very soon, he’ll be starting to use Wei Wuxian’s talismans himself.

WWX takes a hit from the flying death chain, but uses it to his advantage, as in so many encounters. He’s not just self-sacrificing--he is definitely that--but he’s also a chess player, knowing how to use a sacrifice or an injury to his advantage. Cue Lan Wangji being worried for the entire rest of his life.

Part Two is here!

#fytheuntamed #the untamed #the untamed gifs #wangxian #chen qing ling #restless rewatch the untamed #canary3d-original #nie huaisang #wei wuxian #jiang cheng #lan wangji #wen qing

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arcadejohn127-9 · 3 years

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I just thought of what I think is a genius idea: What if MC was in the Devildom, but they had an identical twin who was in the Celetial realm’s exchange program, and one year, they get mixed up? Like, imagine the demon bros and others if they get this person that LOOKS like MC, but is definitely NOT MC.

I've finally gotten to this ask, this second ask reminded me that I haven't posted this yet

I'm really sorry I haven't gotten to all of you yet, I'm currently in abit of a writer's funk after not writing for a while - the flow was disturbed 😂😭 I do think it's noticeable in this prompt and I just wanna apologize for that, I always want to give my best but I'm struggling with ideas & fuel at the moment

I will be closing requests until I get these asks done - sorry!

demon brother's + undateables reaction to Twin MC's

Lucifer:

When you didn't come to him when you got home he was very curious

Sure, you could just easily have forgotten or focused on your own thing

But you always came to his office when you got home to say hello and that you were alive, if he wasn't the one to escort you home

His questions only grew when he noticed small habits change and you seemed forgetful of things you know and do everyday

It was as if you were here for the first time

"Come with me, we need to talk."

"No, I'm fine where I am, Lucifer, I'm actually heading to my room so see ya."

Immediate reg flag

Even if you were busy you would always figure out a compromise

You weren't you

He followed the imposter back to your room, they didn't seem to notice him at all

"I know you're not them, who are you and what have done to our human?"

They sighed, putting their hands up in surrender

"I'm their twin, something happened and now we're mixed up."

He did remember you talking about your twin, he agreed to help them back to the celestial realm

He needed the real you back

Mammon:

Mammon is not known for being the smartest guy around

He's doesn't always pick up on things and isn't one for brilliant ideas

But when it came to this; he immediately noticed something was off

You looked like you

You sounded almost like you

But you didn't act like you

'You' always jumped and yelped whenever he approached; never expecting his arrival

'You' mentioned areas only known to the celestial realm and whilst you have been there to visit you shouldn't know anything outside of the central hub

He immediately cornered 'You' when he realized something was up

"You're not my human, who are you?"

"don't hurt me! You- you demon! I'm their twin!"

He didn't realize that twins could be identical! but then again his only example of twins were his brother's; twins weren't common and only meant they were birthed the same time back in the celestial realm

"Come on, We're sending ya back, I want my human home again"

Levithan:

You always played video games with him! You always did levels that he had trouble doing and vise versa!

'You' wanted to play chess

Chess was fine if it was against one of the more mature members of the Devildom but with him???

That wasn't right

He felt like he was playing Amongst us (I changed it because copyright changes the game makes are funny)

But in real life!

He lured 'You' into his room with an invitation to chess, a water gun at the ready

As soon as the imposter opened the door he shot at them

"What's that all about?! Why did you shoot me?"

"Imposter!! You're not who you're trying to be! Reveal your true form or I'll keep shooting you!"

They just sighed, wondering about what you deal with everyday before explaining

"I'm their twin, there's been a mix up, I'm apart of the celestial exchange program."

He shot your twin whenever they were being rude or just too suspicious but did end up helping them back home

Satan:

Knew straight away

He's a smart lad and knows you enough to know when something isn't right

At first he thought it was mammon disguised as you to steal things but when he saw Mammon close by bothering you being himself

It crossed off that idea and possible body swap

He made sure he was able to get alone with 'you'

As soon as he was

He striked

"You're not them, who are you? What did you do to them?!"

He needed to find you

"There's been a mix up, my twin is in the celestial realm and I'm here."

He was aware you had a twin; he can't believe he didn't even think of that as a possibility

Quickly got your twin out of the Devildom

Asmodeus:

You were acting different

You didn't seem like you were having a hard time so he couldn't understand why you were being so stand off-ish

You didn't even know his plans with you for today!

That wasn't like you at all

"Dear, are you feeling alright? You're not acting like yourself."

'You' immediately tried to avoid him

He loved your attention; it made his entire day so knowing you were avoiding him- it was the end of the world!

He corned you when he couldn't stand it anymore, asking why you were avoiding him

"You're a demon! I can't trust you, I'm just trying to get back to my home."

"You're their twin, aren't you?! I've heard so much about you! Let's go, shall we? I can help you get home."

Beelzebub:

Sensed something wasn't right but didn't think too much of it

You were avoiding the brothers especially him

He thought he has done something to upset you but didn't went to pressure you to be around him

Your twin actually had to come to him for help

They got him alone and started to ask how to get to the celestial realm

Which he found odd as you have been to the celestial realm already to see your twin; this was when he knew 'you' wasn't actually you

"I need to get back to the celestial realm, (Y/N) seems to be in my place at the moment, we somehow got mixed up."

He just nodded, already texting Simeon to come pick you up

"it was nice to meet you but I want my human back."

Belphegor:

He went into attack mode as soon as he realized it wasn't actually you

He was almost fooled because of your twins looks but the personality was too different

"You're going to tell me where my human is or I will tell everyone you're a fake, they will be be happy."

He had your twin pinned to the floor by their throat

Your twin quickly explained the situation

"I'm not meant to be here! They got us mixed up!"

He made it his priority to get you back home and send your twin back

He is a twin himself but he couldn't appreciate meeting yours

UNDATEABLES↓

Diavolo:

When 'you' refused to meet him at the castle, he got worried

He began messaging Lucifer if 'you' were okay, he did notice 'You' was acting strange

Tried to get Barbatos to tell him what was won't with 'you' but he stayed vague and refused to tell him what was wrong

Diavolo insisted 'You' came to his castle

Lukcily, your twin did

They weren't sure how to respond to the Prince of the Devildom on his knees, taking their hand and asking them what's wrong

"My dearest, you've been avoiding me, is there something wrong? Anything I can do for you?"

They felt awkward and decided to tell him what happened

"I'm actually their twin- I've been trying to find a way back home."

When they said that he immediately stood up, embarassed

"You only needed to ask, I can get you there in an instant!"

He made your twin promise not to tell you his affection display

Barbatos:

Knew instantly, he can see timelines

And he wasn't too surprised that this was the timeline you and your twin got mixed up

He wanted to humour your twin so he didn't move to stop it

Your twin did try to act like you but they didn't seem to realize how much you've changed aswell as your relationships to the demons

Their celestial realm manners was obvious

"I know you're not (Y/N), I can help you get back to your exchange program - you should ask for help immediately instead of trying to be your twin, it's embarrassing to watch."

Your twin wasn't happy, not one bit

But it was true, the sooner they reached out the sooner they could of gone home

Luckily, he was able to greet you back into the Devildom

Solomon:

Was the one to mix you two up

He knew who was who but he wanted to see what would happen if you were swapped

Disappointed it didn't give a big reaction but was glad he got to see how quickly they got you back home

He loved listening to the stories of your twin trying to be you

The difference and sad attempts were fulfilling his wants

"What a shame it ended so quickly but it just shows the connection you two have."

Simeon:

He's met you plenty of times

He immediately recognised you to be you instead of your twin

"Ah! It seems there's been a mix up, that won't do, though - it's been awhile since we've been able to talk, perhaps we can wait until they notice?"

If you agree to wait, he will be giving you a tour and catching up

Asking you about how the Devildoms been recently

Wanting to know all the gossip about the brothers and what he's missed whilst doing this program

You two agreed to do this more often

But if you didn't want to wait, he'd respect that

"I want to go back to the devildom, I'm sure their not pleased being there."

He agreed and instantly got you home and took your twin

Luke:

When you called him a puppy, he immediately knew you weren't your twin

He was complaining that you were here to torment him and demanding you get your twin back

"You're just like the demons!! Tricking us like that!"

"I don't even know how this happened."

It took him a little to believe you

But when he did, he agreed to help you get back to the devildom

He rushed you over to Simeon and you explained there's been a mix up

You were rushed back home and you got to see how your twin enjoyed the Devildom

They promised they were never going back

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jamiiviper · 4 years

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The Jamil Essay

this is a reupload of a post i made a couple of weeks ago - previously it was an external link to a google doc, so it never showed up in any of the twst tags, but i worked so hard on this and i would really love it if more people read it, so i’m reuploading directly to tumblr.

to put it simply, this is a 3.7k word character analysis purely about jamil. and even with a word count like that i wasn’t quite able to cover everything i wanted to say, so who knows, maybe there’ll be a part 2 one day. i’ve also decided i do want to write a kalim version, so i’ll probably start working on that sometime soon! stay tuned!

trigger warnings: mentions of child abuse

jamil is the vice dorm leader of scarabia, who’s been kalim’s caretaker practically since birth. he puts on a facade of not standing out, preferring to remain completely average, and plans his life around kalim’s antics. as we learned in chapter 4, however, his true feelings are that he bears a lot of resentment towards kalim, and that he wants to stand out - he just wasn’t allowed to, as he can never surpass kalim.

in this essay i want to cover not just my personal interpretation of jamil, but also some common misconceptions that people tend to have about him. twitter doesn’t have this problem as much, but with tumblr i’ve found that there are very few jamil stans, especially in the theory and writing communities - meaning it’s quite common for people to misunderstand his character. in the fandom as a whole, it’s common for people to only acknowledge him insofar as “gay for kalim”.

firstly, jamil’s character development in the main story - i would say he’s arguably the best-developed character in twst, since yana now has enough chapters available to flesh out characters after their main story arc ended. jamil holds very deep-seated resentment against kalim, to the point that he plotted to betray him for probably several years. he plotted to have kalim not just thrown out of nrc, but thoroughly ruin his reputation in the process. after his overblot, those feelings did not magically vanish - far from it. i think earlier twst chapters suffered from arcs being wrapped up a little too neatly post-overblot, but pomefiore’s arc has already proved itself to be the exception and thoroughly covers not just jamil’s continued dislike for kalim, but also the wider consequences for what he did.

since the twst school year begins in september, we know jamil is about 9 months older than kalim. from literally the day kalim was born, jamil’s life has been dedicated to kalim. possibly since the day jamil was born, and he was always fated to be kalim’s caretaker. it may even have been the reason he was born at all. either way, it’s not like he remembers those 9 months. all jamil has ever known is that his sole purpose must be to serve kalim. he must not have desires of his own, he must not do anything for himself - from childhood he was expected to be ready to give up his life for kalim at a moment’s notice. he can’t be good at anything - kalim must always be better (i’ll cover this in more depth in a later paragraph, this philosophy is key to his character). his own parents drilled this into him, even going to the extent of hitting him if he didn’t comply. it seems he has a normal relationship with his family despite this - he bickers with his sister like regular siblings, and pre-overblot he indicated that his desire to be free from servitude wasn’t just about him, he wanted to free his family. nonetheless, the psychological damage his childhood caused him is severe. is it any wonder his unique magic is mind control, when he’s never had an ounce of control over his own life?

moving onto his early teen years, we know both jamil and kalim were severely poisoned at one point, both falling into comas for around two weeks. although we don’t have a timeframe for jamil’s coma, we know kalim’s was when they were around 13 years old. if jamil’s was around this age too - probably a short while afterwards - i think it’s plain to see why jamil’s resentment began to build. he’d have been around the age where he first started to question why his life has to revolve around kalim. why should he be expected to die for someone he doesn’t even like, who’s spoiled and doesn’t realise how much jamil does for him? kalim takes everything for granted: status, friendships, freedom, and jamil is meanwhile left in the shadows with nothing. then one day kalim gets poisoned so badly he falls into a coma - how much do you want to bet jamil was blamed for that, at the age of 13? after that he’s expected to taste-test anything kalim eats beforehand, and eventually starts making all his meals for him because the risk of poison is so high otherwise. then one day he slips up, or it’s an undetectable poison, and jamil is the one to fall into a coma. is anyone blamed for that? does anyone pity jamil outside of his immediate family + kalim? no, probably not. after all, he’s just doing his duty, right? it’s truly… no wonder jamil’s resentment became so intense. he finally has proof that his life truly does not matter. although kalim certainly cares about him, he doesn’t understand jamil’s position. he sees jamil as a friend, an equal; jamil knows this can never be the case, and he also knows kalim is too privileged to ever hope to understand.

fast forward on a couple of years to jamil receiving his nrc acceptance letter. he thinks that finally, finally he’s going to be free. four years of freedom - and who knows, maybe after that he can be free forever! he can finally excel at his classes and be his true self, without fear of upstaging kalim!

and then kalim gets accepted a month late. for no reason other than his surname.

and then kalim gets sorted into his dorm.

it’s a miracle he didn’t just overblot on the spot - but that’s his nature as a scarabia student. careful foresight and planning. this moment was, undoubtedly, the moment he started planning his betrayal. he had his one month of freedom ripped away, just like that.

oh, don’t forget the fact that not long after, kalim was made dorm leader not because he notably embodies scarabia values at all, but because of nepotism. (side note: most scarabia stans agree kalim does actually reflect scarabia values, just not as obviously as jamil does, but either way jamil himself wouldn’t see it this way. this is a jamil essay so i won’t go in depth about this unless asked to!)

under kalim’s watch, scarabia - known for its intelligence and cunning - is turned into “the party dorm”. this seems to be the fandom’s perception of them too - i mean, just ask any non-scarabia stan what goes on in scarabia, that’s probably the answer they’ll give you. jamil would have probably loved the original scarabia; although we don’t know much about it, we know scarabia students are on a par with octavinelle when it comes to intelligence (paralleling azul’s constant interest in jamil). yet by winter break, scarabia is doing so badly in those same exams that they didn’t even place in the rankings…? without meaning to, kalim clearly harmed scarabia. instead of getting chance to study magic and show off, jamil is now essentially an unpaid, full-time party planner by the time his second year starts.

a few months later, winter break finally arrives, and jamil executes his plan to dethrone kalim. i may have just spent the last two pages defending jamil’s grudge, but his actions themselves are still indefensible. there’s evidence to suggest kalim knew what was occurring on some level - refusing to answer jade’s question about who was hypnotising him proved that 1) he probably had some idea deep down that jamil was betraying him 2) he doesn’t want jamil to get in trouble for it. nonetheless, this does not make what jamil did okay in the slightest, even if kalim allowed it to happen. jamil is, undoubtedly, the bad guy in this situation, no matter how sympathetic his childhood makes you feel. i could go into detail about why kalim acted the way he did, but again, this is jamil-focused.

i’ll skip talking about his overblot, because i covered his hatred for kalim in a lot of depth already and i want to talk about the general aspects of his personality like his desire for praise later on. so moving onto the end of chapter 4, we see jamil’s true self: a snarky, heavily opinionated boy who honestly just wants to be free to be himself.

but just like his freedom, that side of jamil once again only lasts for a brief moment. jamil almost loses everything after his overblot. practically every scarabia student hates him and wants him thrown out of the dorm - even kalim, his sole defender, can’t call him a good person. he’s a traitor. he says he trusts the scarabia students to work out that it’s better for them if he stays, but that day won’t come any time soon, and until then he’s keeping his distance from them all, because their hatred is that strong. if azul truly had been streaming to more people than just jade, his life would have been ruined beyond repair. so what does jamil do? he goes back to serving kalim. as a scarabia student, his foresight is good enough that he knows the option he hates the most is the only one that’ll be good for him in the end. for jamil, being himself is nothing short of a death sentence.

now i’ve talked for far too long about the timeline of his character arc, i can finally get to the good stuff: jamil’s personality, and how it’s changed throughout the stories we’ve seen so far.

the first thing that springs to mind when you think of jamil, other than “snake”, is probably “tired”. or “he’s going to snap”. something along those lines. which... yes, we know he is. he did snap. after chapter 4, this doesn’t seem to have changed too much, but i do get the impression that he’s somewhat less stressed out by kalim. his resentment has dissipated, for the most part (he does still openly insult him, though), so while he does grumble at kalim there’s no suppressed fury behind it. what replaced that fury?

guilt.

in 5-10, jamil tells azul that he intends to continue to obediently follow kalim around in order to restore his reputation, both inside and outside of scarabia. this does of course make him sound pretty selfish (as per usual), and in classic jamil fashion he doesn’t let his true emotions show, so it’s easy to take this at face value and assume he just doesn’t really care. i think in this case, we need to look more at his actions that we see throughout chapter 5. namely, the way it’s being emphasised how he’s silently watching kalim from afar - something he’s always done, yes, but yana seems to be really making a point of it in chapter 5. it’s not just kalim he’s distancing himself from, either. he’s staying away from the rest of the scarabia students too, as mentioned earlier. he never had any friends at all to rely on, even before his overblot. so by doing this, he’s effectively completely isolating himself. he clearly has a lot of thoughts about everything that he’s not sharing with anyone - just listen to the way he sighs at the end of the flashback in 5-10, how annoyed and frustrated he seems. if jamil was telling the truth about just wanting to restore his reputation, he’d probably appreciate kalim’s efforts, even if he dislikes kalim himself. he shouldn’t be upset by kalim persuading the scarabia students to give him another chance. not if he truly just wants to get back to normal. i think on some level, jamil feels incredibly guilty over his actions. he might not have even admitted to himself yet that he feels this way, and by saying things like “i just want to restore my reputation” he’s just trying to convince himself. after all, that’s something he has a history of doing.

ever since jamil’s first introduction, we’ve known jamil lives his life by the philosophy of “not standing out is the best way to succeed”. he hates standing out or receiving any kind of positive attention at all, because he thinks that it’ll only attract trouble. or so we thought, because as we learned from his overblot, jamil desperately wants to stand out. he’s powerful and intelligent, and he wants people to acknowledge that. he wants the praise and recognition he knows he deserves. this means that whenever he said he didn’t want to stand out, he was lying through his teeth - he probably constantly tried and failed to convince himself of this throughout his childhood. during his lab SR story, he even repeats it to himself in his thoughts, like a mantra - “I want to avoid standing out. I can’t be satisfied with this. I cannot be too good, nor fall behind, and neither should I get satisfactory grades or fail. This is the best shortcut to success.”. much like his feelings of guilt, jamil refused to acknowledge how much he truly wanted to show off, even in his own thoughts. he is awful at being honest to himself.

post-ch5, we find out that despite everything, jamil does still hold this philosophy, to some extent. he of course shows off his singing and dancing skills enough to be chosen as a main vocalist, and he says he wants to make a name for himself and show various people just how talented he truly is: kalim, his family, the asims and MC, to name a few. yet in the chapter before that, when kalim compliments his singing and dancing, he’s like “i don’t really want to stand out, but…”. which is honestly a little confusing at first because he does want to. i’d probably interpret it as something along the lines of he wants to show off to the people he cares about, but he still wants to keep his head down in general. so i think that to some extent, maybe he actually has internalised that philosophy now. the one time he truly expressed his desire to stand out, it ended in catastrophe for him. he has this tiny seed of doubt within him now, telling him his parents were right all along. but... he’s working past it, and applying himself as and when he’s comfortable doing so.

going back to him being bad at being honest, jamil’s a pretty big tsundere. there’s one person he does regularly receive praise from: kalim. yet despite desperately wanting to be praised, he often gets annoyed at kalim and tells him something like “this isn’t about me right now” or “what does that have to do with anything?”. plus when the praise is coming from kalim, it’s often in the context of kalim praising him to other people - as a servant, he can’t be seen accepting all these compliments, right? he can never be better than kalim. so he has to reject kalim’s praise. when it’s just the two of them alone, though, is when jamil gets embarrassed to the point he has to hide his blush under his hood. given his childhood, chances are that he doesn’t really know how to process being praised. he knows he wants people’s approval, but when he actually gets it, he just short-circuits. it was the same at his birthday celebration; although he wants to be the centre of attention, when it actually happens, he gets all embarrassed and tsun. i was trying not to let my own personal feelings spill in this but oh my god he’s so cute i can’t

next... this isn’t really linked to any previous topic, but i want to talk about jamil’s cooking! jamil cooks all of kalim’s meals, and regularly cooks entire feasts for kalim’s parties, too (as well as being in charge of getting any animals kalim wants to show off, decorating the dorm, making sure everything runs smoothly… you get the idea). his cooking is very good, and he has a lot of technical knowledge about cooking too - azul, whose parents run a restaurant, didn’t know about emulsification, but jamil was able to explain it to him. despite being so good, though, according to his dorm SSR homescreen lines he doesn’t actually like cooking very much. he says the fact that he cooks so much is “just how things turned out”. of course, he could just be being a tsun, but i do feel like he’s being honest with this - what reason does he have to seriously enjoy something he was forced into doing his entire life? However there is evidence that he might enjoy it after all; he’s particularly good at alchemy because of his cooking knowledge, and according to magical archives he’s completely neutral in motivation for both flying and history lessons, but has slightly higher motivation levels for alchemy, indicating that he can’t stop himself from putting a little bit extra effort into that class. i think it can be interpreted either way with the canon info we have currently, but regardless i would not say he’s the cooking fanatic people often depict him as.

also, when jamil cooks, although his cooking is good, visually it’s usually very boring, to the point he and his sister would bicker over it. he has the technical skills to cook good food, but no idea how to present it. similarly, in his fairy gala SR he was told that although he perfectly memorised the dance, it was boring to watch - it looked like he was just executing the routine without any passion behind it. jamil is so emotionally repressed that he has no idea how to express his individuality. even in his bedroom, the only truly personal items he owns are a first aid kit (related to his servant position, not him as a human being) and a stereo + headphones set for dancing. he doesn’t have any other hobbies or interests - he doesn’t even know what people his age do for fun, because he’s never been allowed to think about such things.

dancing is all jamil has that’s not directly related to serving kalim, really - but even that ties into his servant status. although he genuinely enjoys it nowadays and dances by himself for fun, he only picked it up as a hobby because kalim wanted to go to dance practice, and of course jamil had to accompany him. when his flashback after his overblot talks about him deliberately losing to kalim, the story focuses specifically on a dancing competition. which is why it’s honestly so important to jamil’s character that chapter 5 focuses on a singing and dancing competition. jamil finally has the chance not just to show off his skills in general, but his skills at the one thing he’s been allowed to love throughout his life. the one thing where losing to kalim at it hurt so much that it was such a prominent memory for him. when jamil was chosen as a main vocalist, he instinctively tries to say kalim would be better suited for the position, but stops himself and accepts it. it clearly means so much to him that he was chosen for this.

okay i started to scare people with how long this was getting when it was only 50% finished, i think if i write anymore people will actually be concerned for my health so i’ll leave it here. if you read all of this, thank you so much for putting up with my anime boy brainrot for over six full pages! i really.. really like jamil. again, i most certainly do not think his actions should be defended, but god if they’re not fascinating to read about. and i hope i covered the other sides to him well enough, the things that you’d never ordinarily pick up on because so few people talk about him outside of him and kalim as a pair (both platonic scarabia + romantic jamikali, i mean). he has so much depth to him that people don’t see and god i could easily have gone on for another few pages if i wasn’t forcing myself to stop. but please please talk to me if you want to hear more...

yana has treated him so well, jamil stans get too much food if anything but i’m absolutely thriving off it as you can see! thank you for allowing him to exist, yana-sensei!

having said that, i couldn’t stop myself from adding some extra facts about him below. please enjoy.

some fun jamil facts for your soul:

his sister used to bake him cookies on his birthday - specifically, these!

when jamil and kalim went to eat at the cafeteria with ruggie and leona, leona took one look at jamil and went “you look like you’d kill kalim in his sleep”

sebek and jamil find each other’s positions enviable. sebek wishes he could have been by malleus’ side from birth as jamil was with kalim, and jamil just… wishes he served someone he respected as deeply as sebek respects malleus (but he does think sebek is too enthusiastic)

jamil hates surprises with a burning passion, and despite being with kalim for 17 years is still not used to them. for his previous birthday, kalim held a huge surprise party, and i think he still hasn’t recovered from the shock

i think a lot of people already know that in his birthday SSR story he said he wanted a parrot after graduation so he could teach it to call him master, but it goes a bit further than that? it was actually first mentioned during his lesson chats, when kalim gets a parrot. jamil has to research how to care for it, and ended up wanting one of his own afterwards (but got too tsundere to admit it at the time).

also, he heard that the sorcerer of the sands’ parrot (iago) could speak as fluently as a human, and he got excited and watched a bunch of parrot videos on magicam, but was of course disappointed to find out that this was not the case.

he frequently uses flattery to try and get his way, like when he attempts to flatter vil during his SSR story - unfortunately he misjudged vil, as vil’s actually the type of person who hates meaningless flattery. because he does this so frequently, when he genuinely does give compliments people don’t always believe him.

according to the halloween event, jamil is surprisingly environmentally conscious, and insists on holding a sustainable halloween theme. after organising so many parties and seeing the waste they probably produce, i think there’s no wonder he’s so concerned about it.

#twisted wonderland #jamil viper #twst jamil #scarabia #twst #kalim al-asim #twst kalim #i'm a busy uni student so don't expect the kalim essay to be finished anytime soon #i procrastinated way too much writing the jamil one #and i would not do the same for kalim ajdfjshsjhs #also i know people have said they'd like to see my take on other charas but please consider:#the only reason i have this deep an insight into jamil's character is bc i never think about the others #there's only jamil in my head #so i don't think i'm the best person to go to for interesting analysis about anyone else #but again who knows #tw: abuse

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bedbellyandbeyond · 3 years

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Call A Friend

(Story Post)

“Are the kids alright?” Nari asked. “Yeah, Korsgaard said they were angels, but I have a feeling he's lying...” Nathan sighed. “I bet they bit someone...” “You can't assume that.” Nari was sitting outside the library talking to Nathan. Nathan had told him to check in if his search lasted more than a week and since he still had no luck, after spending seven days in the expansive library, he took a break to call his friend. “Can you believe he compared me kissing Kent to him literally sleeping with him?” Nathan huffed. “And we're back to that... I don't think I'm allowed to have an opinion on that,” Nari said. “You know, considering my previous relationship to your partner...” “But I'd like your opinion,” Nathan said. “I'm still really fucking lost...”

Nari sighed. “All I know is that it doesn't sound like Dax's behaviour. Cheating on someone just isn't in his nature. One-night stands aren't his thing as he needs time to get to know someone before he'll have sex with them. He's incredibly loyal and he loves you very much.” “I know, I know...” Nathan groaned. “I'm just so confused...” “I would believe that this was something out of his control,” Nari said. “I wouldn't believe it's something out of Kent's control, however, I don't know him.” “Right, I figure Kent's been bullshitting me on a lot of things,” Nathan said. “Like, the guy is so obviously gay, or bi or whatever, but he won't admit it and instead hides himself behind homophobia and ill manners.” “I’m not surprised.” “I mean, we know why he won't come out, it's so...” Nathan groaned. “It's so frustrating. Like, I get that what happened to him was really fucking tragic, you know, losing his girlfriend and his kid, but it was twenty years ago!” “Nathan, I know you're not trying to be mean, but twenty years is not a very long time,” Nari said. “The pain that comes from outliving your children never goes away.” Nathan let out a long sigh. “Right... I suppose you would know... Sorry.” “No, but I understand your point,” Nari said. “He is allowing the pain to prevent him from being himself and opening up to people. That is something that happens to a lot of vampires who get stuck in their feelings... I read a book about a vampire who strictly only drank the blood of red heads because his dead wife had red hair. I didn't like that book.” “Shit,” Nathan cursed. “I haven't asked you about how the search is going... And it’s 11pm here, it must be really late over there. I'm sorry.” “I'm literally a vampire and I called you,” Nari stated. “Right, I'm stupid. Sorry.” “Anyway, this has proved a much more complex task than I had originally thought,” Nari said. “A lot of literature about vampires is written like fiction, in storytelling and such. I naïvely expected I was just going to find a textbook on vampire reproductive systems, but it's just been novels and more novels on vampires giving birth to demons and dark beasts and all kinds of nonsense... Finding fact in fiction is incredibly exhausting, and that's only after finding the books in the first place...” “I'm sorry... Have you asked a librarian or someone to help you look?” Nathan asked. “No... I have no interest in talking to these bloodsuckers... These monsters still use the familiar system around here!” Nari said. “Which system?” “Familiars. You know, human servants promised to be turned one day.” “Ah. Slavery.” “That's what I said.” Nathan sighed. “Well, keep your chin up... You're brilliant and tenacious. You'll find what you need, I'm sure.” “I don't know,” Nari said. “I’ve left Diederich alone quite a while now. I feel maybe I should start looking for the magic books he's been asking about and then we can just go home...” “Aw, don't give up like that,” Nathan said. “I'm sure Diederich is fine on his own and he's there to support you. You just need to keep looking.” “Maybe...” Nari said. “I feel like I'm going crazy. Only thing helping me keep track of time is that more vampires are in the library at night time. The library is completely enclosed during the day, but most of them go home to sleep.” “So, you haven't slept at all?” Nathan asked. “Well, one time I got really bored and nodded off on a couch for about two hours...” Nari said. “Just because you can stay awake for days and days without end, doesn't mean you don't need sleep,” Nathan said. “How do you know that?” Nari said. “How do you I need sleep at all?” “You've told me,” Nathan said. “You told me, the longer you go without sleep, the harder it is to focus and your memory starts to fail you. Like literally right now.” “Oh... Right. That's true,” Nari said. “I suggest you go back to your hotel for a day, get some sleep, at least twelve hours, and then come back in a fresh set of clothes to try the library again where you left off. You need a fresher mind for this. You're tired.” Nari nodded. “You're probably right... Anyway, I'm done with me. Back to your problems.” “Uh, I don't know what else there is to say,” Nathan said. “Did the bear guy see his kids yet?” Nari asked. “Yes, well, we did a video session earlier tonight,” Nathan said. “It's really really hard to hate him when you see him get all emotional from just the kids...” “Did he cry?” “Like a baby,” Nathan snickered. “Hopefully he can compose himself when he sees them next weekend in person.” “And you're comfortable with that?” Nari asked. “Well, yeah... I mean, he's their dad and I'll be there,” Nathan said. “He'll have to promise not to argue with me in front of them... I've made it pretty clear I have full authority over his connection to them.” “Hm... And Dax won't be there this time?” Nathan paused. “No, I don't think so...” “Do you have anyone else you can bring?” Nari asked. “I'm not sure I like knowing it'll just be you and those babies out there in the woods...” “I don't think Kent is a threat to us...” Nathan said. “But I get what you mean. APID’s keeping an eye on him. He usually avoids them, but it'll be part of the condition that he can only see them if he cooperates with APID agents.” “That’s good, yes. Bring an agent with you,” Nari said, flexing his claws. “I'd go with you if I could...” “Well, maybe you'll get lucky and find exactly what you're looking for before the weekend,” Nathan said. “Then you could do the trip with me.” Nari scoffed. “I doubt it... This place is an abyss. If you see me next weekend, it's because I gave up and decided to adopt or something...” “Well, I believe in you,” Nathan said. “You can do it.” Nari sighed. “Well... I’m still on the escort thing. Doesn't your case worker have a field agent for a son? Kingsley or something?” “Korsy, yeah,” Nathan said. “The agent who went with us last week was named Hanover, but he was a bit gun happy, and Korsy might be a better fit... I'll ask Korsgaard if he's available. I know he flies across the country and into the states sometimes on assignments, so he could be busy.” “Well, I'll cross my fingers for you that he's available,” Nari said. “Anything else you want to talk about?” Nathan took a deep breath. “Well, all this started because I hosted Wano in my home... I get upset just thinking about it, but I can't tell if I'm being a bit of an asshole about his situation.” “You haven't shared the situation,” Nari said. “Long story short, he's getting deported but he started seeing this guy from my pregnancy group to have a baby, and they did it in my house when I wasn't home, without my consent...” “Um. What? Of course, you're not the asshole. He is being disrespectful to you and your home. Has he apologised?” “Err... Maybe when I transformed... I scared the shit out of him.” “Hm... Well, yes. You don't have to keep him around. It's not fair to you if you're housing him out of your own goodwill. And if you don't even have your own home, why would you have a baby?” “Right? Both of them live out of other people's places. I can't imagine Jeffrey's cousin will be happy with another baby in his apartment.” “Who's Jeffrey?” “Wano's new partner, I guess... In my opinion he's still a baby himself. Both of them are.” “But they're both consenting adults?” Nari asked. “Yeah.” “Nothing you can do but kick them out. It's not your problem. You have your own problems.” “Yeah... Anyway, I should let you get back to it. I need to sleep. And so do you.” Nari sighed. “I'll think about it...” “No, seriously. Sleep. You'll do better if you do. Can you promise me?” “...Okay.” “For real though?” “Yeah, yeah, I'm tired of this stupid library. It's so medieval.” “Ha, alright.” “So, you should do what you have to do too,” Nari said. “Kick out that Wano guy, give Dax a break but don't throw him out entirely, and kiss the twins for me before you go to bed.” Nathan chuckled a bit. “I will.” “Okay. I'm hanging up now.” “Haha, okay. I'll do the same.” “Bye.” “See you soon.” Nari hung up and sighed. He looked back at the library, considering hitting the books a little bit more, but the thought of having to deal with getting through security again was enough to turn him away for now. He got up and headed back to his hotel. At the very least, he had read a magic book about purification that he could tell Diederich about. Maybe it could be used to lower the blood alcohol levels of a drunk wizard. Hopefully he wouldn’t have to test it out when he got back.

#lore #Nari #Nathan #vampire #werewolf

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perkynurples · 4 years

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... May I ask you about the slow excruciating progression from Meng Yao to Jiggy?

also paging @holdmycaffeine and @cadencekismet, who asked me for the very same, and @acutebird-fics, who is my partner in crime deep philosophical discussions about these characters, and a great deal of this messy essay is informed by those

Tl;dr: JGY is a multifaceted character and the author struggles not to lose her mind trying to find the right words to describe that. Literally every single point of this rant is up for discussion, begging for it even, so please don’t hesitate to engage me, but, like... tomorrow, maybe. After I sleep it off.

Meta I used or referenced: THIS ONE explaining how JGS deciding to give him the name GuangYao is all kinds of wrong | THIS ONE talking about the red bindi-like Jin forehead dots, among other things | THIS ONE about his capacity for evil and his own recognition thereof

Alright, without any fancy preamble, here goes. Honestly, whenever I think about JGY for more than three seconds, it becomes painfully evident that there are two wolves inside me at all times - one wants to spend tens of thousands of words exploring his narrative, his choices, his abilities and his failings, his capacity for violence as well as his capacity for love...

And the other one just likes to call him a gremlin in chief in a fancy hat, and doesn’t want to go much further than that. I’m going to try and feed them both.

The thing that pisses me off about Meng Yao is just. The fact that he doesn’t stay Meng Yao, and we get to watch it happen in slow motion. You get a tiny little twink-ass kid who suddenly finds himself adopted into the Nie by the Sect Leader himself, and this is Meng Yao, the son of one of Jin Guangshan’s many mistresses, who doesn’t have a whole lot going for him aside from that, at that moment - his cultivation, weak. His opportunities, nonexistent. His dick, small. His political savvy, only just starting to show itself.

And this guy gets the chance of a lifetime presented to him on a Qinghe-silver platter. Like, we can argue about book canon and try and decide if he did anything at all to make NMJ notice him, but show canon makes it all the more hilarious (again, please refer to this gem of a post for a level of humor I’m sorely incapable of) - you’re seventeen, and the Batman of the cultivation world picks you up and elevates your status across swathes of societal norms, to a level you previously could have only dreamed of.

It’s interesting to me to try and imagine if this was the moment that Meant Something - in the grand scope of things, of course it did, because it started MY on the road to JGY, but also to Meng Yao personally, in terms of what he believed he could comfortably achieve. I do not for a second believe he started out wanting to murder people to reach his goal, or that he even had a good goal to begin with - being accepted by his father, maybe. Murdering the (at the time) greatest villain in the world, becoming a renowned spy, landing an incredibly beneficial sworn brotherhood, et cetera et cetera? I mean, the kid has wet dreams, but no way do they reach this far at this point in his life.

But so many things about him are unclear. Show canon changes his timeline, in that he met NMJ before he met Lan Xichen, and even accompanied NHS to the Cloud Recesses. Either way, his stint with the Nie is incredibly personally important to him. I firmly believe he loved and admired them, in his own way. He certainly flourished under NMJ’s tutelage and approval, but in the end, his motivations, his entire raison d’etre, clashed with NMJ’s too much. To Meng Yao, who’d gotten kicked down those infamous Koi Tower stairs for daring to ask for his father’s attention, murdering a guy for slandering him and his mother was a natural outcome of being slandered his entire life, and finally having had enough - to NMJ, it was unforgivable.

But this still isn’t where Meng Yao becomes Jin Guangyao, and it begs the goddamn question - how much of what JGY was perfectly willing and capable of doing to stay in power, had been present in Meng Yao that entire time? You see him make excuses that someone who isn’t NMJ, with his incredibly staunch morals and black-and-white view of the world, might have even accepted, but instinctively, you know - making excuses is just how it’s going to be with this guy.

Because Meng Yao, as well as Jin Guangyao, lies, and he is damn good at it. He is so good at it, that he lies his way to the very top of the Wen, all the way to Wen Ruohan’s side. His lying is what enables him to become Jin Guangyao. And like any good liar, he doesn’t only lie to the people around him - he also lies to himself.

And I can’t blame him, because - been there. Lying to yourself becomes absolutely necessary, when you want to keep everyone else around you believing in a mask you wear. You need to start believing it, at least a little bit, at least sometimes, for it to work.

At this point, you’re probably wondering - but Annie, what about the time he spent a year sheltering Lan Xichen? Did he lie then? Was he not just Meng Yao, a poor but cunning bookkeeper, then? I’m getting there, I swear. Slowly and in a roundabout sort of way, because honestly, I don’t know how I can start talking about the LXC of it all, without it turning into a novel.

Because whichever way you twist it, whatever canon you choose to follow, one constant remains - A-Yao’s feelings for Lan Xichen. I’m deliberately not calling him Meng Yao or Jin Guangyao, because it’s these feelings that divide the two, but also ultimately unify them, fatally so. But we’ll get there.

In one version of events, Meng Yao travels to Cloud Recesses at the behest of NMJ, and falls in love with a statue made of jade there. In another version of events, they meet during something LXC only describes as ‘the shame of a lifetime’. Both of those events lead to Meng Yao sheltering LXC, hiding him, saving his life and those precious Gusu Lan texts.

Whatever version of events you choose to see as the right one, one other truth also remains - Lan Xichen offers freely and without asking that which Meng Yao has had to struggle to attain, that which has been denied to him time and time again, based only on the circumstances of his birth: respect. Lan Xichen never looks down on him, never brings up his origins, and instead extends him respect and dignity in a way only he is capable of - no fucking wonder Meng Yao admires him. No fucking wonder, when this amazing guy, this perfect pristine handsome number one young cultivator, looks at him, smiles at him, and actually sees him, son of a whore or not.

No fucking wonder Meng Yao loves him, and Jin Guangyao continues loving him. No fucking wonder he never means to hurt him, but does so anyway.

But here’s the thing - lying to yourself to make things work only gets you so far. Do I think Meng Yao spends restless nights in cold sweat dreading who he’s becoming, thinking about all the lives he’s taken to further his goals? Absolutely not. Do I think he does good things, often even great things, because it helps him feel better about himself? Do I think he both loves Xichen and keeps him around because it’s beneficial to him, having the Lan Sect Leader in his pocket, but also personally speaking, having someone who so firmly believes in the goodness in him? You bet your overly adorned murderhat I do.

And frankly, reducing Jin Guangyao to one or the other - coldblooded murderer or a man plagued by his own insecurities, helpless and trying to be kind in a world that’s so evidently against him - is doing a character like him a huge disservice. You have to consider all sides, if you want to truly understand him. Hell, I myself am by no means claiming to truly understand him! He pisses me off daily, and I’m writing this stream-consciousness-y thing because he simply won’t shut up in my head.

This kid makes Choices, and here’s the catch - he doesn’t regret a whole lot of them. If anything, I’d like to think he regrets going along with his father’s plans for so fucking long before finally realizing that avenue won’t bring him what he seeks. Killing Jin Guangshan, by the way? Very sexy of him, that I’ll admit. Guy was a pig.

But even the obviously Good Choices he makes? Building those damn watchtowers? Letting Mo Xuanyu stay at Koi Tower? Seating Qin Su by his side at that same throne where his shitty father entertained concubine after concubine? (Frankly, please make up your own mind as to whether he was lying or telling the truth about learning about Qin Su being his sister before or after they’d consummated their marriage, I’m choosing to believe that he hadn’t known.)

How much of it really happens out of the goodness of his own heart, and how much of it happens because he wants to improve his own reputation, kintsugi away the minuscule cracks in his own image until he’s once again a perfect picture of Jin gold? Is he himself even capable of telling the difference, recognizing where his good intentions end and his desire to look out for number one begins? When you spend so much time crafting your own perfect mask, in your own head as well as others’, the lines blur real fast.

I think ultimately, he craves respect as much as he does pity, and those two never mesh well - the cultivation world never truly accepts him, his father certainly never truly accepts him, but Jin Guangyao is not Wei Wuxian, he can’t just look at all of these perceived injustices and slights, all of this gossip and slander, and say ‘Whatever’. No, Meng Yao takes one look at the world standing against him so very vehemently, and decides to fight it, fight tooth and nail for his place in it, until he comes out Jin Guangyao on the other side, gilded and pristine, ascending the stairs of Jinlintai to exact his revenge on anyone who dares not accept him.

The Guanyin Temple, in a way, is a perfect little vignette of his character - we observe him wildly oscillating between seeking out the aforementioned respect and pity, confessing boldly and laughing loudly one second, and pleading on his knees and clutching onto Lan Xichen’s robe the next. To him, that night, and everything leading up to it, is a series of footholds - the ground begins crumbling under his feet when he learns of the letter, and he has to act fast.

He buys himself time, excuse after excuse, thinking on his feet, and here’s the thing - he’s not necessarily the best at that. Anymore. Up until that point, until the letter and Qin Su and WWX turning up, everything is going according to plan, and his plan at this point is, frankly, correct me if I’m wrong, sitting pretty at the top of his golden tower and making sure the truth about him never comes to light, which... Well, we all know the truth has a nasty way of coming around when it’s least convenient for you.

And I think Jin Guangyao (not Meng Yao) is, at that point, unused to being inconvenienced. Everything he ever does, he calculates, he twists the public opinion of himself, he twists individual people’s opinions of himself, to suit him - nothing unexpected ever happens anymore, because he’s played the game long enough to foresee most things. Nie Huaisang beats him at that same game, not because he has a huge plan spanning decades of his own, but because he’s good at improvising, kicking the hornet’s nest and then knowing where to direct the fallout - but that is another essay all of its own waiting to happen.

For now, I feel like I need to wrap this up before I lose my mind. Personally (and please feel free to challenge me on this any time), I don’t feel like there’s a single defining moment, or even a handful of them, traumatic or otherwise, that irrevocably turns Meng Yao into Jin Guangyao. Sure, being kicked down the literal stairs leading to a better place for you a handful of times will have you feeling some kind of way. Sure, serving a maniacal warlord while playing an impossibly high-stakes game of spy poker will leave a mark or two. Sure, your sworn brother spitting in your face the very insults you’ve been hearing your whole life and never learned to shake off, will make one more vestige of patience inside you irrevocably crumble to smithereens. But.

Your whole life, you work very, very hard. You know to put your head down and get your hands dirty, but you also know that sometimes, the best way out of a hairy situation is turning on those puppy eyes and appearing just a smidgen weaker, a smidgen more frightened and helpless, than you actually are. And if, when you actually tell the truth and people still don’t believe you, lying becomes easier, becomes, eventually, so easy it feels as natural as breathing? Well. Might as well use that particular skillset to sneak your way through a war, am I right? Might as well use it to build yourself a nest among the very vultures who resent you, and whom you resent, and make sure that they have to respect you.

In the end, to me? Jin Guangyao is the guy who jumps from person to person, from callout to very personal callout, there in the Guanyin Temple, just to stall for time, just to regain some sort of foothold in the situation - he’s the guy who probably views losing an arm as a necessary sacrifice, shakes it off and still gets to work from there.

Meng Yao is the guy who wants to take his mother with, and who asks Lan Xichen the one question he’s dreaded knowing the answer to his entire life - not ‘will you stay and die with me?’, but the one that hides beyond that.

Is this what devotion is? Respect? Love? Is there, at this moment in time, enough of all of those things in your heart that you will, in fact, stay and die with me?

When Lan Xichen says yes, without words but still loudly enough to be understood without a doubt, Meng Yao is relieved, while Jin Guangyao is vindicated.

When Lan Xichen says yes, neither version of A-Yao needs to hear any more than that - the seventeen-year-old boy shooting a shot way above his station and loving a statue made of jade, who wants Lan Xichen to survive, and the man wearing the wrong name and the title of the first Chief Cultivator of his generation, who wants Lan Xichen to live with the weight of all his mistakes and misgivings, are both, for once, in accord. They’re both happy, and they both make that final push to save him.

In conclusion, if there even is one to this jumble of random thoughts... Jin Guangyao and Meng Yao are one and the same. Aspects of one can be found in the other, but neither feels remorse about his choices. Both of them, in turn, are capable of amazing things. Both of them are, in fact, capable of decidedly horrible things. One builds a wall around the other so thick, so impenetrable, you only catch glimpses, and only the ones he allows you to see. One learns very quickly that vulnerability is dangerous, unless employed proactively, and the other one perfects the craft.

Both of them believe they are perfectly justified in their actions. Both of them believe their own line of reasoning, their own excuses. Both of them want to be loved, for very different reasons, or for the very same ones, at the end of the day.

Both of them aspire to greatness, Meng Yao some vague idea of it instilled in him by his mother teaching him to believe his own worth, Jin Guangyao a more concrete vision of it, always one step ahead, one step higher up those gilded stairs. Both of them are willing to excuse a whole lot to reach it, too.

And when Jin Guangyao finally stands in Koi Tower, properly this time, wearing that coveted golden peony, wearing that red zhushazhi and a much nicer version of the hat his mother always told him to wear, but also wearing the wrong fucking name, one that barely gives him a spot in the family he belongs to by blood?

All he needs to do is take one look in the mirror to see Meng Yao staring back, always there with him, always ready to remind him where he came from. He’s seventeen years old, and he just buried his mother, and somewhere out there, the rest of his life awaits. His smile is all dimples, and that, too, they have in common.

Time to get to work, Meng Yao suggests, and Jin Guangyao agrees.

#jin guangyao #the untamed #mo dao zu shi #so this is..... a thing.#honestly I'm. i can't say that eloquence was my primary goal here #can't really even be sure WHAT the primary goal was #but this is now a thing that exists so take it off my hands I suppose #while I go make some hot chocolate and think of bunny rabbits and rainbows for a while #to cleanse my palate #Anonymous #ask #jgy #my meta

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holycow99 · 3 years

Text

石田お寿司 18/9/21 stream summary Part 3

This is not the full translation of the stream. I only translated the parts I could understand & interpret or parts I found interesting/important. I’m still a beginner in Japanese, so the translations may not be accurate. If you want to repost, please repost at your own risk.

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(t/n: ** = translation may not be accurate, SY= Y****, TS= S******)

83. Ishida bad mouthed the assistant guy from the last stream, not realising that person was in the stream as well. He then asked whether the guy was able to wake up.

84. Someone mentioned Bleach’s author, Kubo sensei, as the one who could draw super fast. He said that being able to draw fast didn’t only include the pace you’re drawing the picture. The panels were also included. Even if you draw fast, if there’s 120 panels, it’d still gonna take time. On the other hand, if there’s only 70 panels, it’d take less time. Then there’s the art style as well. Those who use great amount of Kakeami would take a longer time. He then praised Kubo sensei’s drawing.

(t/n: Kakeami is a method of shading using only parallel lines.)

85. Takahashi Rumiko sensei, the author of Inuyasha was also mentioned as mangaka who drew fast. Ishida mentioned that she’s full of energy. He said young Takahashi Rumiko sensei was cute. She’s still cute now.

86. SY asked what kind of vehicle he wanted to ride. He said he’s scared of trucks. He also didn’t like riding buses. In conclusion, he didn’t wanna ride anything.

87. Ishida said it’s kinda hard to be motivated with digital drawing. He did want to draw on papers, but drawing digitally is infinitely better when he wants to fix or adjust things in his works. He often uses shortcuts as well.

88. He never really felt any sense of accomplishment, so he didn’t understand people who did. He did feel relief (?) when he completed something, but he didn’t understand the feeling of wanting to experience that sense of accomplishment again. He envied those who felt that way since he never felt it.

89. SY read TG manga for the first time the previous day. Ishida was surprised by it and asked him if he thought Ishida was just a streamer. People in the chat were also shocked by it, lol. There were people who only knew about JJ too. Ishida wondered how did SY come across his streams. Sy replied that he just thought Ishida was just someone who drew beautiful illustrations the first time he watched his stream. Ishida was grateful that he’s reading it. It didn’t really matter if he read it or not. When musicians told him that they read TG, he felt like they’re just trying to be considerate, but they probably did read it. It’s okay if they didn’t read it. He always thought that every time he met new people. He wasn’t being humble, it’s just that he preferred if people could just talk to him as usual.

90. Someone said that there were people who got shocked reading TG after they played JJ. He said it’s because JJ was a combination between his sister & him. He also already through with TG, so the vibe was different. However, he once said in an interview that it was hard for him to get rid off TG vibes inside of him when doing JJ in the early stages. He was teased about that by everyone.

91. He went to the bathroom for the 3rd time and someone guessed the correct flower.

92. He wants to invite Mr. Kunimitsu and Ms. Towada again.

93. He said 30,000 is quite a lot for a small fry youtuber like him. He’s amazed he could come this far just by his Animal Rap videos and his game streams.

94. He’s looking at the new illustration that Ms. Towada posted on her twitter. He said the illustration must’ve taken a lot of time. That kind of illustration was tough to draw. He said Ms. Towada seemed healthy when they talked recently.

95. It’s better to just have a conversation with Ms. Towada the next time she’s in the stream since he’d get distracted.

96. Takayuki Kondo, Takashina Sarafumi’s VA was streaming at the time and a fan commented that he was praising Ishida in the stream. Ishida wanted to know what he said about him so he asked the fan to record it.** Ishida was grateful about it.

97. A fan commented that Ms. Towada seemed knowledgeable about geography or local stuffs. Ishida told them it’s because she really liked to travel. She probably had gone to most prefectures in Japan. That’s why she’s very knowledgeable in local history.

98. He jokingly said that he already went to Kumamoto trip with 300 fans. He apologised to those who didn’t get invited.

99. SY commented something and Ishida asked him shouldn’t he be doing something at the moment. He hoped SY did something while listening to his stream. He wanted to think the viewers did that since he only talked about trivial stuffs.

100. A lot of people said they weren’t invited. Ishida said that the trip was only for old men. The trip was for those aged 40 years old and above.

101. He mentioned that he’s just gonna thank the viewers for 30,000 subscribers’ celebration, though he’s really grateful for it. He wanna aim for 40,000 as well.

102. Someone mentioned that Simon’s abilities were really cool to the point they wanted to try those abilities. Ishida also stated he wanted to try them.

103. A fan suggested Ishida going on a trip with 300 gals. He said it seemed tiring, but in actuality, he’d probably enjoy it.

104. A fan asked his opinion on anti-natalism. He wasn’t familiar with the term and searched for it. He wondered if the term was brought by Schopenhauer. He said Schopenhauer was just jealous of Hegel since Hegel was really famous. His books were full of criticism on Hegel.

(t/n: Anti-natalism is a principle that’s against reproduction. Anti-natalists believe that giving birth is wrong. Both Schopenhauer & Hegel were philosophers.)

105. His opinion on the subject was that it’s okay if anti-natalists exist. There are people who agree or disagree with the concept. If you don’t wanna have a baby, you don’t need to. If you want to have a baby, then you should go for it. He said recently, he finally understood why declining birth rate is a bad thing.

106. A fan suggested a stream where viewers could also participate to increase subscribers, so he asked what should they do together. People in the chat suggested games like tetris, bomberman, and Smash Bros. He didn’t wanna play Smash Bros cus he didn’t wanna get beaten again.

107. A fan said that a lot of people would be interested in having children if they had money. He said it’s better to provide support towards people who raise children.

108. Mashima Hiro sensei, Fairy Tail’s author, did an online signing session. He wondered how he did that.

109. A fan suggested playing Mario Kart with viewers, but he scared the same thing would happen to him, just like during Smash Bros.

*Ishida reading game recommendations.

101. A fan asked what kind of game should they play so he wouldn’t get his ass beaten. He said it depended on the players. It’s better to gather weak players, so he could be the strongest.

102. A fan suggested a correction session, where Ishida would look through everyone’s own manga and correct errors. But then, everyone had to draw a manga.

103. He’s still not over his Crazy Jump’s idea. He seriously wanted to publish the magazine, lol.

104. People asking him how many pages should they draw and he said just 2 panels.

105. He bought a lot of books about human history.

106. He drank a lot of proteins.

107. He said Hitman is fun if he plays it by himself. He becomes lazy when he streams it, so it feels boring.

108. He wanted to play Detroit again, but he wanted to finish Heavy Rain first. He wanted to play Heavy Rain but the game’s heavy.

109. He wanted to end the stream, but everyone asked him not to.

110. He’s probably gonna do his work or watch movies while trying to sleep after the stream ends.

111. He wanted to end the stream, but he’s really curious about Mama’s last illustration, so he continued playing Made in Wario for a bit. He fanboyed over Mama, Mona, and Penny. He wanted to get penny’s illustration, but he didn’t have enough money to buy items to increase Penny’s level.

112. He wanted to try go to a cabaret club. He wanted to try spending all his money on a cabaret girl. He wanted to go to a host club as well, but he thought he’d probably wasting the hosts’ time since they’d have to serve him.

113. In the end, he’s gonna take a look at Mama’s final illustration by himself. He fanboyed over her one last time.

Part 1

#ishida sui #tokyo ghoul #jack jeanne #chojin x #choujin x #ishida sushi stream summary

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transmascjfk · 3 years

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i'm,, trans and hc chihiro to be a male..

i'm sorry, but i don't quite understand how that's transphobic. could you please explain how chihiro is transmisogynistic? (sorry if i come off as rude - that's not my intention and i genuinely just don't understand, though i would like to!!)

What is transmisoginy?

"Transmisogyny is a distinct category of transphobia in that transmisogyny mainly focuses on trans women and other transgender individuals who demonstrate femininity, whereas transphobia is a more general term, covering a broader spectrum of prejudice and discrimination towards transsexual and transgender individuals. Julia Serano states in Whipping Girl that "when the majority of jokes made at the expense of trans people center on 'men wearing dresses' or 'men who want their penises cut off' that is not transphobia – it is transmisogyny. When the majority of violence and sexual assaults committed against trans people is directed at trans women, that is not transphobia – it is transmisogyny." "

Chihiro is written to mock trans women, to say that in reality trans women are secretly men, she is a man who is weak and uses being trans as a way to escape her problems, this is a thing that is also said to trans men a lot, that theyre just trying to avoid the hard parts of being a woman by becoming a man. Even if the writters intended it to be like that or not (which they probably did because transphobia is a big thing that happens a lot, obviously) it's still transmisogynistic. Thats that on that

This is a pretty common transphobic trope actually, the "Turns out this one character was actually from the opposite sex??!!", theres more examples of this in other games outside Danganronpa.

But also her experience is pretty different from other examples, her experiences are way too similar with trans womens experiences.

This is mostly for the cis people who call her a crossdresser and refuse to change their mind, on it, sit down.

Written by a trans man.

Don't tell me whats transphobic and what it's not transphobic if you're cis. Just sit down and read.

Tw: transphobia, transmisoginy, death mentions and blood in the pictures.

The game implies a lot of stuff with her dialogue, it doesn't straight up says "I don't want to be a woman anymore, I'm a man" like everyone claims it does.

[ Alt text 1:

Chihiro Fujisaki: I'm going to get stronger...and accept who I am... ]

[ Alt text 2:

Chihiro Fujisaki: Strong enough so that when someone says "even thought you're a boy" I'll be okay. I'll get better! ]

[ Alt text 3:

Chihiro Fujisaki: I wrapped myself in lies. I'm weak. I want to destroy that version of me forever! ]

[ Alt text 4:

Chihiro Fujisaki: ... I want to change. ]

[ Alt text 5:

Chihiro Fujisaki: I have to change. I don't want to be weak anymore ]

She goes to Mondo not because hes masculine, but because she admires him and his strength. She never once says it's because shes a man or because Mondo is a man.

[ Alt text 1:

Chihiro Fujisaki: Maybe talking to Mondo about it will help give me some courage... ]

[ Alt text 2:

Chihiro Fujisaki: I admire... your strength... ]

These dialogues can be read in two ways, the first one being the one the game tries the hardest to put in your head thats shes a man, all of this guessed by other people btw not what she herself says. Which is really transphobic, because she was written as a trans woman and then theyre like "uh no actually hes a man, because he was born as one but hes a coward so he started to dress as a woman to hide from his problems. Because thats what people do right? People who dress as their oppossite gender are so pathetic, specially men amiright? Ahaha"

Reading it in this way really weird, you're doing a lot of mental gymnastics because you would literally call her a trans woman with all of this if the rest of the trial, that consists of cis people assuming shes a man, didn't happen. And sadly you're following transphobic ideas by this. Because the canon is transphobic and transmysoginistic.

And the other way is just read what she says, that she just wants to be stronger and stop lying to everyone, basically about being cis, because shes not, shes amab (assigned male at birth) and thats probably what she said to Mondo, but most people when a trans person who already passes or is in their transition comes out many people tend to think "oh so youre your gender assigned at birth and not the one you claim to be?", because they don't get what being trans is and they think only "biological gender" is a thing. Basically, misgendering and invalidating the trans person.

I can guess all of this just because of how vague they decided to make her dialogue, not even showing how she tells Mondo about being amab.

What did she said to Mondo? "I'm trans"? "I'm a man"? "I was born a man"? We dont know, because they didn't show it and she died right afterwards and then everyone was like "Chihiro was secretly a man" to solve the case and thats it. A lot of people in the discourse get their information from Monokuma who isn't either Chihiro or even Mondo. Monokuma knows many things but he can't read minds to know if she was really trans or not, only she could say it but she died so she couldn't explain if shes trans or not.

[ Alt text:

A youtube comment by Gail Frisbee, posted 4 days ago, this comment was edited by the autor. The comment says:

"It's honestly increible to me when people try to argue that a scene in which a female-presenting character gets their genitals groped and then is posthumously referred to as a male from that point on can't be transphobic just because that character calls themselves a boy in some other side content later. It's on about the same level of intellectual honesty as claiming that Quiet from MGS5 isn't really fanservice because she totally breaths throught her skin you guys.

As it turns out, if you really dig down deep into the lore, Chihiro is a fictional character and the same people who wrote the genital investigation scene also wrote the lines that character says in the game as well. It's a shocking twist, I know." ]

Her fears of being outed and people founding out her secret (being trans) or being transphobic is used as a gross big twist. A trans woman being used as a mockery of trans people? Great totally normal (/sarcasm)

Read this post made by a trans woman. I'll be using this only part but it's still a great read.

[ Alt text:

So. There is a lot to unpack here, but I want to start with something that specifically hurts me as a trans woman, and that's how the game flippantly uses real world horrors trans people face as shocking reveals and twists. You can go down the list for "worst nightmares" of trans people incluiding:

Threatening to be outed against your wishes

Outing yourself to a trusted friend and being met with rejection, or worse, violence

Having your body and privacy examined and invaded

Having your deadname used and being misgendered after death, when you can't correct them ]

Now, let's go to her backstory for a bit. I will be using the wiki for this. (Which sadly uses he/him for her 💔)

" When Chihiro was a child, he became the subject of harassment and bullying. He was always told to "be a man" and that he was "so weak despite being a boy", and because of that, Chihiro slowly but surely began to develop a "weakness complex". In order to escape the bullying, Chihiro began to dress as a girl so that people wouldn't bully him as a weak boy. "

This doesn't sound like a normal crossdresser, this sounds like a trans woman who was bullied for being different when she was younger, like many trans people, and then she decided to transition because she's a woman, she wanted to be more feminine and stop being seen as a person shes not. Specially after so many people tell her to basically man up when she doesn't want that, because shes not a man.

Have you ever heard of the classic stories of "since I was little i knew i was different, i was a boy who liked playing with dolls and was more feminine than the rest" or "i used to be a tomboy when i was little, i had mostly male friends, i liked playing with car toys and was more masculine than other kids" coming from trans people? This just sounds as these types of stories to me.

People also like to say that alter ego uses he/him pronouns and says shes a boy. Many trans people can misgender themselves for personal reasons too guys, she could've been trying to misgender herself because she didn't felt like she wasn't enough to be a real woman, this happens a lot to trans people. If people constantly tell you that you're not actually transgender or you just feel like you're faking it then you might actually believe it, thats were most "detransitioners" come from. And thats basically what they made her, a detransitioner.

Some of you might also don't get how shes trans because you think she doesn't perfect or exact trans stereotypes. Trans experiences can be similar on the feeling of not fitting in, dysphoria, etc. But trans experiences, stories, transitions and complete lifes can be very different, because we all (including cis people) live different lifes, experience, process and cope with things differently. So i can understand why you might not get her being trans coded at first, don't worry. But try instead of just not caring because you don't get it at the first try, to see what trans people say.

This whole discourse its mostly cis people talking over trans people about their own experiences (incluiding the dead trans coded characters experience) saying if theyre valid or not and denying stuff not wanting to learn anything, completely refusing to it because "In canon hes a boy" ok then in canon shes written in a transphobic way too but most of you don't care about that. You would rather call her a crossdresser than try to acknowledge how obviously trans coded she is and how thats used as transphobia.

The way most cis people act in this discourse is very transphobic to me to be honest, if you think you're a good ally but act like this then you should get more educated on the topic as a whole and about trans people too.

-the trans Chihiro flag to finish this up, she has a bit boobie! good for her! good for her.

#chihiro discourse #discourse #transphobia #transphobia cw #transphobia tw #chihiro fujisaki #if i forgot about something please tell me!!#trigger happy havoc

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opbackgrounds · 4 years

Note

Oooh can you do a post on the tenryubito?

So I feel like this is going to be an unpopular opinion, but I pity the Celestial Dragons.

That isn’t to say that they aren’t all (mostly) abhorrently evil megalomaniacs with an institutionally enforced god complex who treat the torture of human(oids) with the same blasé disregard as a kid pulling the wings off of a fly, but there’s a part of me that just finds them pathetic. The Celesital Dragons are a group of people who have the world as their silver platter, yet are so small-minded and infantile they literally trap themselves in a tiny bubbles because they’re too scared to breathe the same air as the so-called lesser races.

There was a time when I didn’t think much of the Celestial Dragons because I thought that Oda’s exaggerated storytelling had gone one step too far. They were too cartoonishly evil to be believable—nothing but a bunch of mustache-twirling villains too ridiculous to be taken seriously—and though I found Luffy punching one in the face very cathartic I wasn’t terribly invested in the World Nobility as a worldbuilding element.

But if there’s something I’ve realized as I’ve gotten older, it’s that there is a depressingly-large number of cartoonishly evil people who through no merit of their own find themselves wielding enormous amounts of power, and the Celestial Dragons are more realistic than I ever thought possible.

The Dragons are One Piece’s exploration of the idea that power corrupts, and absolute power corrupts absolutely. Eight hundred years is a ridiculously long time to be in control of a single territory, let alone an organization as massive as the World Government. To put it in perspective a little, eight hundred years ago was when the Magna Carta was signed. Even real-world dynasties tend to have major fluctuations in power over the course of generations, but It seems that the World Government—and by extension the Celestial Dragons—have for eight centuries kept an iron hold over what they consider theirs.

Which just happens to be everything.

The actual origins of the CD tie into series lore and will probably play a big part in Robin learning about the True History, but I fall in the camp that believes that they originated on the moon because 1) they’re the Celestial Dragons 2) there’s gotta be some significance to Enel’s cover story, and 3) Oda clearly modeled their hairstyles and clothing off of the King and Queen of the Moon from the movie The Adventures of Baron Muchausen

Which, if true, makes them a foreign imperialistic force that used military might and a totalitarian regime that specializes in censorship and terror in order to turn the One Piece world into a giant colony while presenting itself as an egalitarian, unifying coalition where no single ruler is fit to sit on the Empty Throne.

And to think, there are some people who don’t think One Piece is political.

What’s really fascinating is that most of the rank and file Celestial Dragons don’t seem to realize their own history. Their traditional enemy has become a bedtime story used to scare children, and they’re too preoccupied in their petty games and pleasures to even notice that they’re not really the most powerful people in the world. It’s like their freedom to commit atrocities is the world’s worst example of bread and circuses, because as long as their attention is held by the shiny new slave or fixated on bringing in another tribute then they can’t use their immense power to actually do anything, and for the most part they’re too stupid to realize they’re being used.

Granted, I’m doing a lot of guesswork here, but we don’t really know where Im and his giant pointy crown fits into all this, or how aware the average Celestial Dragon is of his existence. Is he a world noble? Are the Elder Stars? I personally don’t think the latter are, but is it possible that there’s an even more secret and exclusive group within one of the most secretive and exclusive groups on the planet? And what in the world does the straw hat locked in a freezer have to do with any of it? Was that the treasure Doflamingo used to blackmail the Celestial Dragons into submission, and if so, who did he parlay with during his negotiations? Because I can’t see idiots like Saint Charlos or Mysogard before his character development giving two shits about any of it. Was it CP0, and if so, how much do they understand about the man who sits on the Empty Throne?

What I’m trying to say here, is that there’s a whole lot we don’t know.

What isn’t guesswork is how little the Celestial Dragons understand about the real world, and this is where I go back to feeling sorry for them. Even the best-intentioned noble we’ve seen so far (Homing) has no idea of what it is to be “human”.

This mansion is just...comfortable. It’s a downgrade. It’s how Homing thinks normal people live, and he thinks he can just plop his family out in the real world and live a quiet, normal life without blowback from a population that has suffered terribly at the Celestial Dragons hands. His ignorance and naivety, while well-intentioned, is staggering.

Because remember, slavery is technically illegal within the World Government. Only criminals and people from nations not affiliated can be taken to auction. What initially seems like a kindness turns out to be sending pigs to the slaughter, because what nation wouldn’t react the way this one did once they found out the truth?

Because what the WG (and by extension the CD) have done is punish nations who don’t kowtow to their power in order to fulfill the demand for slaves. Even the bit about criminals is terrifying when this is a world where for some it’s a crime to even be born, to say nothing about the Celestial Dragon’s refusal to obey their own laws if it means they can get what they want, when they want it.

The whole Homing situation puts a different spin on Doflamingo’s speech during the Marineford War. People who have only known peace can’t understand those who have only known war, and that lack of understanding is what ultimately led to his undoing.

That’s not to say that the Celestial Dragons are incapable of change on an individual level. One Piece is, ultimately, a very optimistic series, so while I was initially surprised that Saint Mysogard returned during the Reverie chapters as a good guy, upon later reflection it made sense with the points Oda was trying to make during the Fishman Island arc—that if different groups can try to understand one another, they can get along.

But it took an extraordinary event in almost being killed by his own former slaves and an extraordinary diplomat in Queen Otohime to change the mind of one (1) Celestial Dragon, and it doesn’t look like Saint Mysogard has been able to bring anyone else around to his point of view in the 10 years since he realized he was, in fact, human. And when feel like you’re due everything because you’re a god, why would you want to lower yourself to the position of a lessor being?

The Celestial Dragons are trained from birth to think of other human(oid) beings as less than animals, where sadism and torture aren’t only encouraged, but celebrated. The system has corrupted to the point where there’s no incentive to change and no oversight to prevent the abuse of power, and with the ability to call the admirals on anyone who pisses them off the average person has no hope of fighting back. It’s difficult to guess how noble the progenitors of the current Celestial Dragons were, but judging by what we know of the Void Century we can guess not very. At the same time, it’s hard to imagine them starting out as the mustache-twirling villains as we see in the current day. The only difference between the Nefertitis and the other kings was one man’s choice to stay with his people. In an alternate universe Vivi could have been a Celestial Dragon.

Now there’s an AU idea.

At the end of the day, the Celestial Dragons play an important role within the One Piece universe, but they are not, by themselves, important to Luffy. He hates their guts and enjoys punching them in the face, but he’s a pirate, not a Revolutionary. The future for One Piece is delightfully opaque, and it’s hard for me to see how the Natural Enemy of God ends up tearing the system to the ground. Will the Straw Hats end up going to space? I don’t know, but there are a lot of people who think it’s at least a possibility.

I personally find them at their most interesting when they’re playing the part of the outside influencer. The Celestial Dragons have only been the direct opponents to the Straw Hats a handful of times, but they’ve played a direct role in the lives of so many other characters—both heroic and villainous—that without them the series could not exist as it currently does.

And that’s the power of good worldbuilding. I don’t need Luffy to face off against Im to be satisfied with the series. In fact, he was brought in so late that I’ll be a little disappointed if he ends up as the final boss fight. I’m okay with the Revolutionary Army storming Mariejois off-screen, because while those are important players and major chess pieces, that’s never been where Luffy’s focus has been. He’s the man who’s going to become the Pirate King, and until the Celestial Dragons somehow get in the way of that dream he’s not going to bother with them. This lack of focus allows the inherent darkness of the Celestial Dragons not to overshadow the more lighthearted, whimsical aspects of the series. They explore certain themes that are important to One Piece, but the story doesn’t dwell in the mire, and I think it’s all the stronger for it. .

#long post #celetial dragons #world building #sarc talks

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starrynite7114 · 4 years

Text

everything is you: four

A/N: My lovelies! Happy weekend! So, I got carried away and wrote over 8000 words for this update. You all had me so inspired with just the feedback you’ve given this story. I am truly honored by all your comments, reactions, likes and everything. I hope you all will continue to support and like the story! This is just the beginning and it’s going to get better from here!

All of your reaction to Angel was absolutely amazing! Hope he wins you some of you back on this update!

I hope to post some other content by the end of the weekend! Whether its snapshots or a request, I will try my best to post something!

Requests are open if you lovely peeps would like to make a request!

Love you all! <3

everything is you

one : two : three

Word count: 8466

Masterlist

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If you would like to be added to the tag list, please leave a comment or shoot me with a message! My memory can be awful at times, please don’t be shy to remind me!

CREDIT TO THE ORIGINAL GIF CREATOR

Angel watched as Cruz walked in front of him, trying to not be annoyed with Alena. It was her so called friendly date last night and she didn’t answer her phone and she didn’t come home. Now, Angel wanted to be reasonable that she fell asleep or drank too much after her date, but his irrational side was winning. Did Alena sleep with him? Did he take advantage of his sweet innocent Alena?

Cruz stopped in front of the door, waiting for his father to open it. Angel unlocked the door letting Cruz run inside. He closed the door and he almost fucking lost it.

Victor was chuckling walking out of Alena’s bedroom, with her following after him, messy hair and giggling.

“The fuck is this?” Angel let out before he could stop himself.

“Mommy! You had a sleepover without me?” Cruz pouted, running to Alena’s arms. She picked him up, trying not to look at Angel. She knew how bad this looked, but they were binge watching Umbrella Academy and fell asleep.

Completely innocent.

Completely platonic.

But she knew Angel wouldn’t give a fuck.

This was so confusing for her. He was acting like a jealous husband, but he had stated multiple times he wasn’t interested.

“Hey, man, sorry about that. I know your routine but we fell asleep binge watching Umbrella Academy.” Victor explained but he could tell nothing was even registering. “I’m gonna go, I’ll talk to you later sweetheart.” He kisses her cheeks before fist bumping Cruz. He nodded his head at Angel, but his eyes were just on Alena.

When Victor was gone, Angel just shook his head. “Where’s your phone? Do you not know how to charge your phone?” He was trying to hide his annoyance but he couldn’t.

“I, it was on silent, sorry.” Alena rarely put her phone on silent, just in case Cruz has an emergency. But last night, she really wanted to enjoy her night out with Victor, a pure adult outing that she didn’t know she needed. Carla was right, she gave so much to Angel and Cruz, mommy needs a break too.

“How was your date?” Angel moved past her and into her bedroom. He had to check, make sure there was no fucking condoms.

Fuck, what if she let him go bare.

No fuck that.

“We didn’t do anything Angel. We really just watched Netflix.” Alena knew what Angel was doing and she wanted to smack him for even thinking she would sleep with Victor. Their situation was different, which was why she slept with Angel, but not anymore, she had to be strong. No more crossing boundaries. Kisses were acceptable, but sex, absolutely not.

“I know, I saw Umbrella Academy pop up on my tv.” Angel turned to her, hands on his hips. “This is ridiculous Alena, you can’t just silence your phone. What if there was an emergency?” He was being unreasonable, he knew, but this was bothering him. How could she even go on this dinner with Victor? She was basically entertaining the idea of giving him a chance.

“Why is daddy mad?” Cruz wrapped his arms around Alena’s neck, whispering it into her ear.

“Daddy isn’t mad, he’s just frustrated cause Mommy’s phone was off again.” Alena kissed Cruz’s cheek. “You’re not mad, right daddy?”

Angel wanted to scream. How can she call him daddy with Cruz right there? He knew her meaning right now was obviously different, but she was driving him crazy. He tried to initiate sex with her four times and each and every time, Alena rejected him. She’ll let him kiss her, but as soon as he even tried to take it to the next level? Fucking forget about it. Now, he was sexually frustrated and everything going on with the club, he could just take so much.

“No Cruzito, daddy isn’t mad.” Angel narrowed his eyes at Alena who had a knowing smirk on her face. “But aren’t you mad at mommy? She promised you that she would come home when we called her yesterday and she didn’t come home. She had a sleepover without you.”

It was now Alena’s turn to narrow her eyes at Angel. How dare he try to use Cruz against her.

“Cruzie, you’re mad at mama?” Alena pouted and Angel groaned inwardly knowing Cruz’s answer.

“I can never be mad at you mama.” Cruz kissed Alena, hugging her, his cheek against hers.

Alena smirked at Angel who rolled his eyes.

“Cruzito, you’re gonna throw papi under the bus like that?”

“Mommy’s my favorite.” Cruz continued to hold Alena.

“Cruz, what about all the times you and I spend together? When mommy comes, daddy is thrown away?” Angel crossed his arms over his chest, shaking his head. “Ooh, you two just wait, when we have a little girl cielo, me and her are going to have tea parties and you’re not invited.”

“A little girl? We’re having more kids?” Alena wasn’t aware of this plan. Cruz always asked them for a playmate, to ask the stork for a playmate, but Alena and Angel were always able to weasel their way out of it. At times, Alena was wondering when Angel was going to have another kid. And if he did have another kid, what happened then? Though, Angel always seemed devoted to her and Cruz, but they technically weren’t together regardless of the rings on their fingers. Angel had discussed having another kid with her and he would tell her unless she was the mom, he didn’t want another kid. If she was being honest, with the amount of time her and Angel had sex without a condom on, she was surprised she wasn’t pregnant. She took a plan B a few times and she was currently on birth control. The only time Angel ever used a condom with her was when they first had sex otherwise, he was always bare.

Which brought them back to Angel’s confusing words. He could be a thesis class in college. One day he was seemingly in love with her then the next day, it was like nothing happened. She was done with it and she was putting her foot down. The more distance she put between them, the better it would be at the end of them. It would be easier to break free.

That was a joke, but Alena had her hopes.

“Oh, don’t play now cielo, we’re definitely having more kids. Right Cruzito? You want a playmate?”

“Yes!” Cruz cheered. “Halmeoni (grandma) is waiting for us.”

“Oh, right, let me get ready.” Alena handed Cruz to Angel.

Before she could step away, Angel pulled her back and he kissed her, making Cruz giggle. “Hi.”

“Hi,” she bit her lip, running to her bathroom and locking the door behind her.

Angel Reyes was going to be the death of her.

=============

Angel parked his truck in front of Michelle’s home, making note of Bryan’s car. Alena hated the drive to her mother’s. Angel gave her the fucking silent treatment after Victor came back to the apartment to drop off her phone. Her skirt didn’t have any pockets and they ended up walking around the beach after their dinner. He held her phone for her and she just forgot about it. She honestly lost herself in her conversation with Victor and that answer didn’t go well with Angel.

“You’re really not going to talk to me?” She questioned as she unbuckled herself.

“Alena, let’s just get through dinner and we’ll talk later.”

“I don’t understand why you’re so angry, I didn’t do anything wrong. We had a friendly dinner, fell asleep while watching Umbrella Academy. You act like I committed some crime.”

“I told you not to go right? What would people think when they see a married woman out with a man alone?”

“This is the 21st century and it's normal.” She paused, a small smile appearing on her lips. “Are you jealous Angel Ignacio Reyes?” Angel was usually not unreasonable. He was a good guy with a big heart and tough guy exterior. But when it came to her, Alena, and his family, he was a sweetheart. This Angel was new, she’s never seen it before. Well, she has, whenever a guy was too close to her, but nowadays, that was rare.

These confusing feelings were getting a bit ridiculous.

“Yes, yes I am jealous.” Angel huffed and puffed. “You happy to hear that? I’m fucking jealous Alena so quit fucking around and stop seeing him.”

“Why are you jealous? You said you don’t have feelings for me.”

Angel looked at Alena. He doesn’t, but she was the mother of his child. He just didn’t trust Victor, he didn’t feel comfortable. He fucking hated it that Alena’s attention was being taken by him. So many things were aggravating him, he didn’t even fucking know anymore. Did he have feelings for Alena? He was attracted to Alena, that much he knew, but something deeper than that.

Fuck.

No, he wasn’t going to let his jealousy and Victor’s obnoxious presence dictate his feelings.

He didn’t even fucking know anymore.

“Cielo, I haven’t been with another woman besides you for the last five years. I want you to sit on that.” Angel tucked a strand of her hair behind her ear. “I think it’s cute you keep saying no to me, but you have needs too baby, and I’m sure your fingers could never satisfy you like how my fingers can.”

Alena hated the effect Angel had on her. She wasn’t sure if it was that bad boy aura he had, the swag or whatever the fuck charm he had, but it was so hard with him at times.

Alena pulled away, exiting the car. She opened the back door and unbuckled Cruz who was asleep. Thankfully their son was a heavy sleeper, he did not need to hear all of Angel’s words.

She took him and almost gasped when she saw Angel right next to her. He closed the door and shot her a smirk as he took out a cigarette stick. She made her way up her mother’s driveway, the front door opening before she could even knock.

Her mother opened her mouth to greet her, but she saw the sleeping Cruz and quickly shut her mouth.

“Umma(mother), how are you?” Alena greeted her mother, kissing her on the cheek.

“I should beat you for avoiding me for four months, but I want to hear about this man you're dating so I will excuse you.” She teased, hugging her daughter. “I’ll take him.” Michelle took Cruz, placing him on the couch, a pillow next to him so he didn’t roll over and off the couch.

“You owe me.” She heard her older brother, Bryan beside her.

She looked at him and narrowed her eyes. “Compared to the amount of times I’ve covered for you?”

“I’m kidding.” He pulled her into a hug, kissing the side of her head. “Where’s your shadow?”

“Right here.” Angel announced his presence, before giving Bryan a hug. “How are you?”

“Waiting for you two to have another damn kid so my mother can get off my back.” Bryan replies making both Angel and Alena laugh.

“We gave her Cruz, your turn.” Alena walked over to Mina, her brother’s girlfriend of nine years, giving her a hug. “You still haven’t gotten rid of him?”

“I’ve been trying, he always comes back.” Mina laughed. “How have you avoided your umma for that long?”

“I live in San Diego, it makes it much easier.” Alena giggled.

“My favorite son-in-law!” Michelle has such a soft spot for Angel. She remembered him when he was that punk ass fourteen year old who followed around her daughter. And look where they all were now. Still just friends with rings on their fingers. She never tried to understand their situation, it worked, that’s what mattered. And Cruz was so cute. Though she wasn’t on board at first, Alena was giving up her twenties for Angel and a woman’s son who had harmed Alena before. But she couldn’t tell her daughter anything when it came to Angel.

He’s always been her weakness, which has been her downfall.

Now, she’s almost thirty and doesn’t have a potential husband after this whole thing falls apart.

“Hey mom,” Angel greeted Michelle, chuckling at her enthusiasm. He hugged her tightly and kissed her cheek. “You always keep getting younger whenever I see you.”

“It’s called living alone.”

They all laughed. Michelle ushered them to the dining table where she prepared braised ribs, Tteokbokki, fried pork belly, and assorted side dishes. Angel loved coming to Michelle’s home. She always made such amazing food.

Michelle sat at the head of the table with Angel on one side and Bryan on the other. Alena looked over at Cruz who was still asleep. This didn’t bode well for later since that meant he would be wide awake.

“So, you’re dating someone? They got passed my son-in-law?” She pinched Angel’s cheeks. “Or did you wake up and realized you’re in love with my daughter?” She turned to her son. “Is this not odd to you? They’re married but he sleeps around and she’s dating someone? You kids. Aish, giving me heart palpitations.” Pointing at Bryan. “Cruz needs a playmate, you’ve been with Mina for nine years, time to pop one out.”

“Umma, we literally just sat down, can we eat first then you can pester us about our lives?” Bryan whined. He loves his mother, he really did, but he didn’t need to be constantly reminded he needed to have kids. It’s not like they weren’t trying.

“Yah, are you talking back to your Umma?”

Bryan looked at his sister. “Can you just tell her who you’re dating?” He wanted the spotlight off of him.

Alena laughed. She opened her mouth, but Angel beat her to it.

“She’s dating me.”

Everyone at the table gave Angel an incredulous look, in disbelief by his statement. Bryan knew Angel had a soft spot for his sister and one could pretend to be married for so long and not feel something. He never tried to understand their relationship and he still wasn’t.

“You’re what?” Michelle looked at Angel and Alena, unsure of what to make of the situation.

“We didn’t want to say anything until it was serious, but we’re dating.” Alena wanted to slap Angel. How can he tell her mother that? Does he not know her mother? She stepped on his foot, he turned to her and smirked, not even flinching that she stepped on his foot. He gave her a kiss as some type of resounding proof.

“This is amazing! I always knew you two would end up together.” Mina broke the silence between all of them.

“Not say anything until it was serious? You two are married, how much more serious do you two have to get?” Michelle rolled her eyes. “No matter, this is good! I’m glad you finally got your head out of your ass Ignacio.” She picked up the braised ribs, putting some on Angel’s plate. “Now, we gotta strengthen you up, mom wants at least three more grandkids.”

“Umma!” Alena was honestly too flabbergasted to answer her mother. Angel was going to hear it from her. He shouldn’t give her mother false hope like that.

“So no more matchmaking?” Angel was a devious little shit, but he didn’t give a fuck.

“That’s what pushed you? Should have done it long ago.” Michelle kept placing food on Angel’s plate, making Bryan pout.

“Umma what about me?”

“Ssh, he can get me grandkids, you? That’s a debate. Mina, leave him.”

“Umma!”

Dinner went on without a hitch. Cruz ended up waking up and sat in between Alena and Angel. He eventually moved to see on his grandmother’s lap, loving the spoiling he was getting from her.

“I’m glad you finally took a chance Angel.” Michelle and Angel were smoking outside on her porch while Alena and Mina cleaned up the kitchen for Michelle.

“Yeah? Sorry for taking so long, you know us men, take a while to realize we have a good thing.” Angel let out a puff. He enjoyed his time with Michelle. Not once did she make him feel like he wasn’t one of them. He was always included.

“You always knew of your feelings for Alena, but you just didn’t think you deserve her.” Michelle has watched this dance between them. Angel only had serious girlfriends when Alena had a serious boyfriend. But Angel didn’t pull away from Alena, he always made his presence known and strong. He made sure that Alena’s boyfriend knew he was number one and there was nothing he could do to change that. Michelle had to admit, Angel’s lack of movement made her angry, but he also knew how Angel was. At least she knew that her daughter would always be protected but what worried her was, who protected Alena from Angel.

She knew Angel would never physically harm Alena, but emotionally? It was a different thing. Angel didn’t mean it, it was his defense mechanism. Which was why this whole situation worked out well for them. He had something to fall on because they’re married and he knew Alena would remain faithful while he got his head out of his ass.

So she was glad he finally did.

Angel let Michelle’s words sink in. Always had feelings for Alena? Again, he always found her attractive and he was drawn to her, but it was mostly attraction.

“Naw, I just realized it recently.” Angel reasoned, blowing out smoke from his lips.

“Angel, why’d you date Valeria?”

“She was hot.” He smirked, earning a smack up the head from Michelle. “Okay, fuck. I don’t know, she was there and Alena was occupied by Dante. I couldn’t be single while Alena had someone.” The sadness that overtook him every time he watched Alena with another man was unbearable.

“What kind of reasoning is that? You should want to be with someone because you like them.”

“I did like Valeria, sort of.” Angel didn’t remember much of his relationship with Valeria. He saw her a few times a week. He knew she was married prior to their relationship because she still had their wedding picture on her nightstand. From what he understood, Victor and Valeria were already in the process of divorce but she was making it difficult for him. She was a warm body and entertained him enough when he would become irate with Alena for putting Dante before him.

Angel closed his eyes then, the realization hitting him.

“I dated Valeria because Alena was with Dante.” Angel’s foot began to move up and down then, throwing his cigarette butt and slipping another stick in between his lips. “I was going to ask out Alena and she brought Dante to the clubhouse.”

He decided that night to bury his feelings for Alena.

It would never be their time he reasoned.

They weren’t meant to be.

So he turned to Valeria. Alena’s friend who hung onto his every fucking word.

“Angel, you are worthy of Alena. You’re the only person that makes my daughter as happy as she is. I’m glad you’ve realized that you’re in love with her too. And I’m glad she realized it too. You two have always drifted to one another and depended on one another.” Michelle threw her cigarette butt. “You’ve always been Alena’s hero, protecting her from the monsters of the real world, just fitting for you two to end up together. You deserve love too Angel, even though you like to sabotage your own relationships, I don’t think you’d survive without my daughter. Good job getting your head out of your ass.” She patted his shoulder. “Remember, grandkid, as soon as possible.”

She left Angel to ponder in his own thoughts.

Fuck.

Angel couldn’t do this. He shouldn’t have told Michelle that.

What does Michelle know anyway? Why would she even say that to him?

“Fuck. I gotta get laid or something.”

=============

Angel parked his motorcycle under the shaded area, taking off his helmet and hanging it on the bar. He walked over to EZ, Gilly and Coco who were sitting down at the picnic table. Michelle’s words weighed heavy on him. The feelings he had for Alena were always so complicated. Angel had a savior complex, he had to admit that and he always ran whenever Alena called for him. He was this girl who needed his protection, someone he took care of, and they became adults. Alena turned into this beautiful young woman who was too kind for her own good. Someone who didn’t ask questions. She was always there for him and he knew he could count on her. She looked at him like he held the fucking world for her and at first, he thought that’s why he was attracted to her. For once, someone didn’t even look twice at EZ and just stayed on him.

But as the years passed, he quickly realized that wasn’t it.

Sure, he liked being number one to her, but he fell for Alena because of Alena. He wanted to be the one she ran to always when she had troubles. He wanted to be the one she told all her deepest and darkest secrets to. He wanted to hold her at night and make sure she was safe. He wanted to see her pregnant with his child. He wanted so many things with her. They may have done things unconventionally, but he wanted something with her.

To be with her forever.

Fuck.

He couldn’t be selfish with Alena, not like this. She wouldn’t be safe with him. She would prosper with him.

But did he really care? He couldn’t push Alena away even if he wanted to do so.

Cruz loves her so much.

And fuck.

He loves her too, so fucking much that it was fucking suffocating at times. It was easier to be cold towards her because then he didn’t have to acknowledge the ache in his heart whenever she was away from him. He didn’t have to acknowledge the loneliness that seeped in when she wasn’t in his arms.

This was fucking ridiculous.

EZ and Coco looked at one another, trying their best to hide the laughter that wanted to come out. They’ve been called Angel for the past five minutes and he was just standing on his own, smoking.

Fuck it.

Angel deserved some annoyance in his life.

“Angel, you in deep thoughts hermano, guess Alena’s date went well.” Coco teased.

“Did he get it in?” EZ couldn’t help it. If Angel couldn’t realized his feelings, they could push it out of him.

The two men laughed as Angel rolled his eyes at them.

"Haha, glad you're both having fun. But jokes on you cause I'm fucking happy for her." Angel grinned. "Fucking delighted."

"Oh, absolutely, we can tell." EZ couldn't resist teasing his brother. "So are you gonna be this tense during their wedding or are you gonna blow up before that happens?"

Coco snickered. "Blow up? That would mean he actually recognized he had feelings for Lenny. But he doesn't, right hermano?"

“Fuck you.” Angel lit up another cigarette, sitting down at the picnic table. “He’s not even her type.”

“What is Alena’s type? You?” Gilly joined in the ribbing on Angel.

“I don’t fucking need this shit right now.” Angel stood up and was just gonna go for a ride out at the desert, just to clear his thoughts. He always buried his feelings for Alena, but as of late, with her reminding him it’s been five years and their agreement was technically to divorce, he couldn’t do it. How could he let Alena go now?

“Hey, settle down there hot head.” Coco blocked his way, gesturing for him to sit down. “So what happened?” Coco was over last night when Angel was having a mini meltdown when Alena wouldn’t answer her phone. He ended up staying over the night to make sure Angel didn’t ride over to her apartment.

He was looking out for Alena. If Angel wasn’t going to get his head out of his ass then Alena should put herself out there. He was loyal to Angel, but after all the kindness Alena has shown him, the club, how could he not look out for her?

“Nothing, her mother and I talked earlier.” The rest of the night was fine. Angel dropped off Alena and Cruz at home and went to the clubhouse. He was gonna go to Vicky’s but decided against it.

“Did you bring leftovers?” EZ perked up. He loved Michelle’s cooking.

“Yeah, it’s at home and no, you’re not going to the house. Alena and Cruz are most likely asleep.”

“Why aren’t you with your family?” Coco knew Angel spent the weekends with them since Alena was home on the weekends. He was surprised the Angel decided to come to the clubhouse.

“Can’t hang out with you guys?” Angel leaned back, resting his arms on the table.

“You can, but this time is sacred for Alena, we all fucking know that.” Gilly chuckled. “You two fighting?”

“No, not exactly.” Angel muttered. “I just realized something is all.” He was hesitant to tell his brothers, but he could trust them, he trusted them with his life. “I’m in love with Alena.”

“What?!” They all exaggeratedly replied.

“No fucking way.” Coco shook his head, feigning his absolute shock. “Can you believe this Boy Scout?”

“Yeah, fucking shocking.” EZ chuckled.

“So what brought this epiphany? Victor?” Gilly wondered.

“No, Michelle.”

“That’s right! Pay up!” Coco clapped his hands at Gilly and EZ.

“What the fuck?” Angel looked at the three. Gilly and EZ grumbled handing Coco twenty dollars each.

“I told Boy Scout and Gilly that Michelle was going to get to you.” Coco pocketed his money. “Alright, so what happened? Did she smack you with that stick she has?”

“No,” Angel shook his head. “What the fuck did you two bet?”

“I thought Victor would push you over the edge.” EZ answered.

Angel turned to Gilly.

“I just said you’d get your head out of your ass, which I should have known better, but I always thought Alena was a good influence on you.” Gilly shrugged.

“Fuck you guys.”

The three men chuckled.

“We’re not trying to be assholes, but we always knew you were into her. Just about fucking time for you to realize.” Coco shrugged. “Told you hermano, prime real estate. You can keep men at bay here, but in San Diego, who knows what she does there.”

“Alena literally goes to work and back home.”

“Doesn’t Victor live at her building?” EZ knew he was poking the bear, but he could take on Angel.

Angel just tuned them out, just shaking his head. The fact that everyone seemed to know everything he was trying to hide, it was ridiculous. Though he was awful at hiding his emotions, but just finding out he was in love with you, letting feelings he buried so long ago resurface, it was painful.

Not in a bad way.

He loves Alena, he knew that much.

But the fact he let all of this time just pass, it was ridiculous.

=============

Alena yawned, the light hitting her eyes from the cracks in between the blinds. Looking behind her, Angel was nowhere to be found so she was almost certain that the club had a late night, which was fine. After these last few days and how hot and cold Angel had been, she didn’t mind not having him around.

A day with just her and Cruz was what she needed.

She checked her phone and she had a text message from Angel.

Angel

Hey, I had to do a run. I’ll be back tonight.

She quickly replied.

Be safe.

Short and simple.

She opened another message, this time from Victor.

Hey sweetheart, up for another marathon?

I’m in Santo Padre, sorry. :(

I’m ten minutes away from your house.

Alena sat up then, looking at the clock. It was noon, which wasn’t awful since it was a Sunday. But at the same time, she debated if she should text Angel and let him know about Victor’s visit.

She paused.

“I own this house, I don’t have to ask permission. I don’t know who he brings home here while I’m not here.” Alena stood up and checked on Cruz who was wide awake, playing with his toys in his room.

Cruz and Alena always thought of how blessed they were since Cruz didn’t do anything mischievous when they weren’t around. He could stay in his room, play with his toys until he needed his parents.

“Baby, how long have you been awake?” Alena questioned.

“Um, eleven?” Alena tried her best to teach Cruz things. She taught him his ABC’s, how to count and how to read. Cruz was an easy learner so it was a fun thing to do between them.

“Why didn’t you wake up mommy?” Alena sat beside him.

“You were snoring.” Cruz giggled. “Daddy always says to let you sleep in cause you don’t sleep much.”

“Did you see Daddy?”

“Yes, he told me he has work.” Cruz walked over to Alena, sitting on her lap. “I’m hungry.”

“Uncle Victor is coming, when he gets here we can go and get something to eat?” Alena offered.

“Uncle Victor is coming?” Cruz stood up excitedly. “I’ve always wanted to show Uncle Victor my toys here.”

Alena smiled watching Cruz as he excitedly gathered his toys. She heard the doorbell ring and left Cruz to pick his toys. She opened the door and found Victor holding two bags of what she presumed was take-out.

“Hey,” he greeted her as he stepped inside her home.

“I can’t believe you drove all the way here.” Alena cleaned out the dining table which had some folders from the research she was doing for Mr. Johnson. Victor chuckled watching her. He placed the takeout on the table.

“Uncle Victor!” Cruz ran into the dining room, greeting Victor enthusiastically. “You came to our house this time, is mommy going somewhere?”

“No little man, we’re all hanging out today, how does that sound?” Victor picked him up.

“Cool, I can't wait to show you my toys.”

“Victor you didn’t have to bring all of this.” Alena unpacked the bags and her stomach grumbled, she didn’t even realize how hungry she was.

They sat around the table, enjoying the lunch Victor brought. Once they were done, Alena, Cruz and Victor sat on the couch and watched Umbrella Academy. In hindsight, it may not have been a good show for a five year old, but Cruz was on his iPad the whole time.

As they were starting the last episode, there was a knock on the door. Victor offered to answer it and Alena heard Coco’s voice.

“Who the fuck are you?” Coco narrowed his eyes at the man who opened the door.

Alena looked over at Cruz who was sleeping. She stood up and walked over to the door.

“Hey Coco, this is my friend Victor.” Alena introduced them.

“My bad bro, just weird to have another man open my hermano’s door.” Coco made it a point to remind Victor who the man of the house was.

“None taken,” Victor waved him off. “I should get going Alena, I have dinner plans with my family.”

“Yeah, not a problem, thank you for coming.” She gave him a hug and a kiss on the cheek.

Victor chuckled and waved goodbye to Coco before walking out of the house. They both watched as Victor got in his car and pulled out of the driveway. Once he was out of sight, Coco turned to Alena and shook his head.

“No wonder Angel is rattled.” He laughed. “I just need to grab something at the shed in the back, is that cool?”

“Sure, I thought you guys had a run?” Alena questioned as she closed the door.

“We did, Angel is still out with EZ. Asked me to grab something at the shed.” Coco had to get Angel’s stack of guns in case he and EZ needed it. “Does Angel know you had a visitor?”

“This is my house too Coco, I don’t have to ask permission.”

Coco nodded his head. “Damn right sister. Have you heard anything about my daughter?”

“Letty? No, I asked Victor for help, he knows a few trucking companies so he’s going to check with them. I’ll let you know if I hear anything.”

Coco gave her an appreciative smile before going to the back to grab Angel’s duffle bag. He gave Alena a hug before leaving. Alena locked the door behind Coco and started the last episode of Umbrella Academy. She had this feeling of dread at the bottom of her stomach, she couldn’t shake it. She hoped Angel was okay, with whatever he was doing.

=============

Angel walked into the house fuming.

He didn’t mean to be, but with everything that happened earlier, Coco informing him that Victor was at his home was just the fucking icing on the cake. How could Alena let this man into the home they share? She wanted to let him come to her apartment, that’s her, but not at their home, not their family home.

Angel found Cruz giggling in Alena’s arms as she tickled him. That scene made his anger slightly fade, but it was still there, brimming.

“Cruz, go to your room, daddy has to talk to mommy.” Angel didn’t leave any arguments to his request and Cruz looked up at Alena.

“It’s okay baby, go get ready for bed, mommy will come tuck you in.”

“Okay, hi daddy, I missed you today.” Cruz stopped in front of Angel, hugging his leg.

“I miss you too Cruzito.” He ruffled his hair, feeling a bit of weight off his shoulder. He actually thought he may not see his son anymore, that he wouldn’t see Alena and it changed things for him. He didn’t mind helping the rebels, but there had to be an end soon, he didn’t know how much more he could risk.

“You okay? Coco came earlier and he left in a hurry.” Alena stood up, making her way over to Angel.

He held his hand up, shaking his head. She froze, not walking any further.

“You really had that motherfucker in our house?” Angel’s anger came back and he really didn’t mean for it to come, but he couldn’t help it.

Alena sighed. “Angel, it’s my house too.” She was not in a mood for his poor attitude.

“I don’t give a fuck. Alena, this motherfucker doesn’t care if we’re married, he’s disrespecting me and you invite him to our home?” It frustrated him that Alena couldn’t see why he was angry. She wouldn’t want him bringing a woman over here. “You wouldn’t want me to bring some woman here, I’m sure that would piss you off.”

“Angel, I don’t care if you sleep with someone, you’re more than welcome to do so.” Alena turned away from him, walking down the hall to her room so she could change and sleep with Cruz. She didn’t want to be anywhere near Angel.

She went inside the closet and changed, finding Angel standing at his side of the bed waiting for her.

“I’m not done talking to you.”

“Well, I’m done talking to you.”

“How can you not see why I’m upset here? You’re my fucking wife, act like it!” Angel didn’t mean that, but she had him so riled up.

“What the fuck have I been doing for the past 5 years? Fuck you Angel. I don’t get why you’re so upset when you sleep that everything that walks.” Alena felt herself getting worked up, her hands closed into a tight fist at her sides.

“Oh, I’m good Querida because I have you. I haven’t touched any other pussy besides yours.” Angel smugly informed her.

“What?” Alena took a step back by that revelation.

“I don’t sleep with anyone. I told you last night, before going inside your mother’s house, you’re the only woman I’ve touched in the last five years.”

“I think you should expand your horizons then.”

“Why would I? I have you.”

“You cheated on Valeria all the time!”

“Yes, well, you’re my fucking wife. And I actually care about you. Fuck Valeria, we both use one another as a means.”

“Are you two fighting?” Cruz was by the door, clutching his bunny, looking at Alena and Angel.

“No, we’re not baby. Mommy and daddy are just talking.”

“Can I sleep on your bed?” Cruz asked.

“No Cruz, be a big boy and sleep on your own bed.” Angel didn’t want Cruz in the bed tonight. He was done and he wanted to hash it out with Alena. With Cruz being there, they wouldn’t be able to talk.

“But I wanna sleep with you and mommy.” He pouted. “And I wanted to show you my drawing, that I made for you with the crayons mommy got.”

“Cruz, stop it. It’s bedtime!” He didn’t mean to raise his voice, but he had a hard day and too much was going on.

Alena frowned, seeing how Cruz’s face scrunched up. She picked him up and he immediately hung onto her.

“Yeah, good job, teach him it’s okay to throw a fit when he doesn’t get what he wants.” Angel rolled his eyes, taking off his kutte and placing it on the armchair he and Alena had in their room.

“Stop it, you’re being a real jerk right now. Cruz has been waiting for you all night to show you his drawing.” Alena snapped. She had enough of this poor attitude from Angel. If he wanted to be a dick towards her, that’s fine, but he was not going to take it out on their son. “We’ll be at pops.”

Alena grabbed her purse and walked out the door, slamming it behind her.

“Fuck.” Angel yelled out before following her.

Alena just finished buckling Cruz and getting in the driver’s side when Angel prevented her from closing the door.

“Alena, please, I’m sorry. Don’t leave.” Angel pleaded, holding the door.

“Let go of the door Angel.” She tried to pull the door, but he wasn’t budging.

“Come on, I just,” Angel sighed. “There’s just so much going on with the rebels, the club, I may have bit off more than I can chew.”

“I don’t care. When you walk through that door, it’s about us, our family. You can’t let out your frustrations out on us. We’re here for you, but you will not yell at Cruz for being excited to show you something he did specifically for you. And if he wants to sleep on our fucking bed then he is allowed to do so.” Alena was starting to breathe hard, obviously becoming worked up. Angel frowned, watching as she gripped the steering wheel to try and help her breathing.

“Baby, hey, breathe.” He knew Alena has been feeling under the weather lately. The change of season was always hard on her and her asthma would act up. Top that off with emotional stress and congestion, well, that’s a trigger.

Alena clutched her chest, rubbing it hoping it would help. She grabbed her purse as her chest was tightening, she was slightly shaking, unable to open it. Angel took her purse from her and took out her inhaler, handing it to her.

“Mommy!” Cruz began to cry, seeing the obvious distress on Alena’s body.

“It’s okay Cruz, daddy has mommy.” Angel turned her towards him, cupping her face with one hand and placing a hand on her inhaler. “One more baby, just calm down.”

Alena took one more puff, the tightness slowly going away. She had tears streaming down her eyes, closing her eyes to try and calm her breathing. Cruz unbuckled himself, crawling through the middle console. He maneuvered so he can sit on Alena’s lap, hugging his mother.

“Mommy,” Cruz cried out.

“Sssh,” Alena managed to say, her chest expanding better. She laid her cheek on top of Cruz’s head. She felt like her heart was hammering, struggling to open and close to let the blood flow. She started crying too and Angel felt his heartbreak.

Seeing the two of them cry, especially when it could have been prevented, was far too much for him.

“Baby,” Angel opened his mouth but Cruz turned towards him shaking his head.

“Bad daddy!” He narrowed his eyes at his father. “You made mommy cry and she got her attacks.” Cruz called his and Alena’s asthmatic episodes as attacks. He turned back to Alena, rubbing her chest to try and help his mommy.

Angel was dumbfounded as Cruz had never scolded him before, but he always knew that Cruz was team Alena. She was his mother and damn anyone who thought otherwise.

“Mi cielo, lo siento.” Angel’s voice was low, but Alena still looked up at him. She held her hand out, making Angel sigh in relief. She intertwined their fingers, pulling him closer. Alena wasn’t hyperventilating any longer, her heart no longer felt like it was hammering.

“Baby, daddy didn’t mean it okay? Mommy isn’t upset with daddy, can you forgive daddy and give him a hug?” Alena told Cruz once she was able to breathe better.

Cruz turned to face Angel. “You can’t hurt mommy, we’re supposed to protect her and make her happy, right daddy?”

Angel’s tears streamed down then, nodding his head. He enveloped Cruz in his arm, one hand still holding Alena’s. He pulled her towards him, placing a kiss on the top of her head.

“Cruzito, daddy is sorry. You’re right, we’re supposed to keep mommy happy.” Angel kissed his forehead. “Come on, let’s go back inside.”

The trio went back inside, Alena immediately going to her and Angel’s room with Angel and Cruz following behind her. She was already in her pajamas and slid in at her side of the bed. Her chest still felt slightly heavy, and all she wanted to do was lay in bed and relax.

“Don’t, you’re gonna trigger it again.” Angel placed Cruz on the bed before he helped Alena sit up. He got her nebulizer, handing her the mask. Her asthma has been awful recently due to the winds, but he was certain the fight they had didn’t help either.

Angel turned it on, Alena putting the mask on her face so that she could start the treatment. Cruz sat beside her, watching her. Angel quickly changed out of his clothes and slid at his side of the bed. Cruz turned to look at him, still upset at his father. He snuggled closer to Alena, wrapping his small arm around her middle.

He didn’t want to try and force his son to talk to him. Cruz was just like him and was very overprotective about mommy. Angel was the same way with his mother. But he felt fucking terrible, the last thing he wanted to do was upset his girl and Cruz. Him and Alena have been at this in between ever since he realized his feelings for her. He hasn’t exactly told her, but he figured Alena would figure it out. She was a smart girl and Angel has only been attached to her.

When Cruz was only a year old, he did try to sleep with other women since in all technicality, he was fucking single. But the one time he did sleep with a girl from Vicky’s he said Alena’s name. After that, he somehow convinced Alena to sleep with him every now and then, which kept his desires at bay. He was a bastard, but he couldn’t help it. The first time he ever slept with Alena, she was twenty years old and shit just happened. He felt like an asshole for taking her virginity, but fuck did he feel like a fucking champion too.

You know when people say that whoever your first time was you would always be obsessed with them due to that shared intimacy?

Well it was the fucking opposite.

Angel became fucking obsessed with Alena. Seeing her in the midst of ecstasy. The way she would bite her lips to try to muffle her cries. The way she would reach out to him, just wanting to touch him. The way she would gasp for air, the little noises she would make when he was hitting her deep, fuck he was addicted.

It wasn’t even just sex.

He found himself looking for Alena always. She calmed him down like no one else. If she was in the vicinity, he felt a certain sense of calm just envelop him.

He was going to do better for his family. Alena was right, whatever happened in his day shouldn’t be taken out on them.

They were his lifeline.

Looking over at Alena, he saw how her eyes were closing, Cruz still watching her.

“Cruzito, daddy is sorry for shouting at you.” Angel was never good with apologies, but for his son and Alena, that was nothing.

“It’s okay daddy.” Cruz turned to Angel. “You’re just tired.”

“But that doesn’t make it okay to yell at you.” Angel frowned. The last thing he wanted was for his son to think it was okay to be yelled at. “Daddy loves you Cruz and don’t ever forget that.”

Cruz nodded his head. “I love you too daddy.” He crawled over to Angel, giving him a hug. Angel felt so relieved to gain his son’s forgiveness. Cruz pulled away and went back to Alena, checking on her. She turned to him and smiled. “Mommy, are you feeling better?”

Alena nodded her head and looked over at Angel. He was watching her, waiting for her treatment to finish. She reached out her hand to him which he gladly took, kissing the back of her hand. Angel couldn’t even describe their family dynamics, but he would never trade it for the world.

Once the treatment was done, Angel put away her nebulizer. He came back to the room and Cruz was snuggled to Alena’s side. He finally fell asleep. Angel went back to his side after he turned the lights off, the television was on to provide some illumination since Alena needed background noise to sleep. His eyes was still on her, her back was still against the headboard, a few pillows behind her.

“Stop watching me, I’m fine.” She told him, her eyes closed. She felt Angel’s eyes on her and as much as it was endearing it also made her nervous. Angel always had such an intense stare and the butterflies in her stomach wouldn’t let up due to his stare.

“Nope, you know I can never take my eyes off you.”

Alena laughed, opening her eyes and looking right at Angel. “You shouldn’t have to worry about me. I’m fine.”

“Easier said than done querida, I always worry about you.” Angel was sitting just like Alena. He didn’t plan on sleeping. He wanted to make sure she was good the whole night.

“Is everything okay? With the rebels and all that?” Alena’s voice was an octave lower as if someone was in their home listening in.

Angel held no secrets from Alena. He couldn’t. Not her. He could never keep one from her.

“Just starting to hit close to home. They kidnapped Emily’s kid.” Angel felt awful cause he couldn’t imagine what he would do if someone kidnapped Cruz.

“Angel,” Alena frowned.

“I didn’t know, okay? It’s not like I wanted this to happen.” Angel watched those two people burn a few days ago and then with the heroin Adelita took from Galindo burning in his mind, there was so much going on. He wanted to get the MC away from Galindo, to not do their bitch work, and to provide longevity to the MC. But sometimes he thought he was way over his head.

“I’m scared.”

“What?” Angel looked over at Alena confused by he words.

“What if something happens to you? What about Cruz?” She wanted to add herself, but she didn’t matter, at least not in that way.

“He has you.”

“Don’t say that.” Alena felt the tears well up at her eyes. “Cruz needs you Angel. I know the mission and what you want for the club, but your son needs you too. Just be careful.”

“You don’t need me?” He was a selfish bastard and he wanted to hear Alena say that she needed him, that she needed him alive for her too.

“I don’t matter, Cruz is who matters.” Alena rubbed circles on her chest, helping ease out the tension as she took deep breaths.

“You matter to me. I stay alive for both of you.” Angel hated it when Alena put herself down. She meant the world to him. Without her he would be nothing. Without her he wouldn’t have Cruz. And without her he wouldn’t know what love was, true unconditional love. A love so consuming that it overtook your mind. A love so powerful that it could be in the shadows and still make one act on impulse. He figured he’s always loved Alena but the realization as it hit him.

As he sat there watching Alena hold Cruz, her eyes closed as she hummed a lullaby that his mother used to hum to him and Ezekiel, he was far gone. The way Cruz always hung onto her whenever he was upset because mommy always gave the best hugs. The way she accepted every aspect of his life. The way she took care of not only him but his family including the MC and Vicky’s girls, hell even Chucky.

He was so in love with her, it wasn’t even funny.

At this moment he didn’t give a fuck about Victor. About the rebels. About the cartel. About the club.

All he cared about was his family, his little slice of heaven. He only ever wanted a family with Alena, no one else. Cruz wasn’t a mistake, he would never think of his son as such. He was just glad that he was raising Cruz with Alena.

Being with Alena made the pain of being the second thought after EZ go away. Being with Alena showed him that being selfless was not weak, but could be the strongest trait anyone could have.

He’ll be selfless when it came to Cruz and Alena, they came first. But he would always be selfish with Alena. He’s always had her and he intended on keeping it that way.

He was going to fight for her.

He’s wasted enough time.

#angel reyes #angelreyes #angel reyes fanfiction #angel reyes fic #angel reyes fanfic #mayans mc fic #mayans mc fanfic

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yaboylevi · 3 years

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Hi! I love ur blog, especially ur Snk Metas and Ereri metas. What are your thoughts on the whole “Eren has always been like this” (always been evil or capable of great evils like genocide) that a lot of people seem to agree on? I’ve always had a hard time believing in that idea because we’ve been shown multiple times that Eren is capable of sympathy and empathy, so to say he’s ALWAYS been like this is wrong.

Hi! Thank you!!

Looking through my snk 121 tag I found that I have already received similar questions, so I’m gonna link one here if you want the short version of it. Even if it was something I wrote up right after the chapter was out, it’s not like my opinion has changed much... more like, my faith in Isayama writing a decent conclusion and explanation in regards to Eren has plummeted in the past year and a half.

But anyway, now we have some new information pertaining Eren, so I feel like I can add more on this moment and my take on it in light of such new perspective.

Let me preface this with: Eren hates what he’s doing, is despising every second, was scared of his future visions, often paralyzed, desperate to find a better solution than this, because he knows - let me repeat it - HE KNOWS this is horrifying. We had hints throughtout the story, but many have ignored them. For me, Eren going through grief and apologizing for something he hadn’t even done yet in chapters 131 was no shocker at all, but I guess some people may have actually been surprised, I don’t know. It was right there since the Marley arc and his breakdown over Sasha, but many have completely misinterpreted that scene, denying it was desperation that he was feeling, so it was nice to finally have confirmation. Kinda.

However, you know, Isayama doesn’t seem to have picked a side on his characterization of Eren. Or maybe there is still something that’s concealed, because everything we have seen, isn’t evething that has happened, and it doesn’t explain yet some things about Eren and, relevant to this post, why Eren has decided to give up and give in to his future self’s memories of destruction. I’m sorry, but Eren believing “there is no other way, other than killing the whole world’s population, because the future cannot be changed” due to some memories is not gonna cut it, especially because we haven’t seen him fight too hard against it. In my opinion, at least. Or maybe he did, but we haven’t been shown.

The most hopeful part of my heart wishes he is already trying to change things, in a very roundabout and secret way, but the tired and logical part is done hoping. After all, Eren is alternating between being hellbent on going through with rumbling the world, and being absolutely horrified by it. I’ve been getting whiplash every month for a couple of years now.

As for your actual question, and that line during the Paths Time Travel...

Let’s start from here, shall we? That whole conversation with Zeke in Paths was to Zeke what chapter 112 was to Mikasa and Armin, imo. Chapter 121, huh, same numbers...but anyways. I think I have already wrote it somewhere, but I believe Eren lied, and purposely hurt Zeke. To make him, and Mikasa and Armin, realize something and act accordingly, maybe against Eren himself.

In Mikasa’s case, the realization was gradual since then, because Eren’s lies kickstarted it immediately. In Armin’s case, I think we still haven’t seen the full potential of it, though it may come next chapter - and I mean the “You were influenced by Bertolt, an enemy” angle. I am surprised Armin hasn’t followed this reasoning in regards to Eren, who has three titans within him, none of them particularly allied with Paradis. We left Armin seeing Bertolt, who is, in turn, watching him. I wonder if a conversation won’t happen right off the bat in chapter 136.

Anyhow, Eren, in chapter 112, also very much hit Armin and Mikasa where it hurt them the most - which is the same thing he did to Zeke here, bringing up his hate for Grisha and how it was the only think really fuelling him, and went through all the effort of making him reconcile with Grisha. Mmm, sus. Am I the only one feeling it’s sus??? I really have to wonder if he doesn’t kind of want/need Zeke to stop him, just like I believe he did with Armin and Mikasa. After all, there was no need to antagonize them and make them have reasons to stop caring for him, if he didn’t want to be stopped.

So, if it wasn’t already clear, Eren is a big liar, and he’s good at it if you don’t know him (and Zeke, Armin, and Mikasa have proven they don’t know or understand him very well at times). His acting skills have been shown all the way back in the cabin scene when he was 8 years old and tricked those traffickers.

There is another layer to these lies that I’d like to touch upon, though.

The line you were inquiring about feels exactly like his “I am free” in chapter 112. He sounds so sure, but it is a freaking lie.

See how both Armin and Mikasa are confused by such a bold, out-of-the-blue statement, the same way Zeke asks Eren “Since birth?” because, like, what is that all even about?

Eren has been feeling trapped in his own future memories to the point that his freedom of choice even existing anymore has become a big question mark. There is no freedom in following the path you were shown.

Eren’s urge to save someone from “having their freedom solen” by “physically assaulting the perpetrators first” has never, ever meant that he was willing to or okay with sacrificing innocents. Quite the opposite, in fact. There have been whole arcs about that. About Eren freaking out over people dying for him, refusing to sacrifice friends for the bigger picture, grieving for or sympathizing with innocents losing their lives or having them destroyed by some bigger threat. That has not changed.

So the big question remains: Why?

With these outrageous and confident statements about himself, I don’t think Eren is merely lying to his interlocutor to change their perception of him. I think he is lying to himself as well in the meantime. It looks like it did the trick, or not - based on how you want to interpret it. He really has been dissociating hard during his rampage.

But it all depends on what Isayama's angle is with Eren. In 112 Eren seemed to believe his “I am free” statement because he had an instant reaction to Armin challenging it. At the same time, now that we also have chapter 130-131 to enrich our reading, there is no way Eren felt free into the choices he made after hearing Willy’s declaration of war. He saw a terrifying future, he hoped against hope that it would change, but felt powerless and gutted and desperate that all pointed to such a future being unchangeable. So I do wonder if maybe he didn’t end up lying to himself - subconsciously or not - that he is free... and that he is always been this way - a cold-blooded murderer who did it all for justice.

Zoom in on Eren forlornly watching himself as a kid show pure kindess to a girl who just went through the most traumatizing experience in her life.

For the matter, I don’t believe Eren “has always been this way”. I actually don’t believe he’s ever been that way. I don’t know why many(?) people just accept whatever Eren says at face value, ignoring all context surronding it.

As I posted very recently, it doesn’t make sense for Eren to go from one extreme to the other without a better excuse, or explanation, or a more believable writing of it...or a plot twist that I guess I will wait for for another 4 months:

Eren came to realize that outside the walls people are just...well, people. There are good ones everywhere, people who suffered just like him, people who deserve better, certainly don’t deserve to be caught up in the Rumbling, people who have lives, children, moms, loved ones. This is highlighted again in chapter 131, because maybe, when Eren brought it up in the basement with Falco and Reiner, people didn’t think he was being genuine. So Isayama shows us again that Eren truly believed that.

And yet, the chapter before, Eren put those very same people on the same level of Titans when he used to think Titans were scum, a nightmare sent to eat them alive, because he addressed them with “匹”, a derogatory counter when applied to people, because it is usually used for small animals.

The parallel to how he used to feel towards Titans is smacked in our faces, because in Japanese, it’s the same exact line. He now feels that way about people.

...What?

It doesn’t make sense, right?

Because really, the same way Eren’s first impulse in Marley was to save Ramzi when he was being beaten up (and threatened with a worse fate than some bruises), the same way Eren helped him regardless and again went against 3 full-grown men, it’s the same way Eren rushed to Mikasa’s rescue when he didn’t even know her... or the same way he pushed himself into a Titan’s mouth just to save Armin. it doesn’t come from a sentiment of “I need to punish these monsters because they are threatening me”. It comes from a natural, intrinsic need to help and save others. It is deeply saddening that at the end of this journey, with Ramzi, he just feels like this natural predisposition of his is just a fake and turns him into a hypocrite.

So for Eren to say he has always been that way while looking at his 8 years old self stabbing a human trafficker in the chest to save a little girl to try and explain why he’s killing innocent people who happens to be living alongside “the bad guys” is a false equivalence. Either it’s a lie Eren tells himself and to Zeke to make both of them believe this is what Eren is, and has always been, and there is nothing they could do to prevent it - in a sort of twisted liberation from guilt because “if I was always like this, then you and I both shouldn’t have expected anything different”...

...or it’s Isayama’s failed attempt at presenting a theoretical concept he liked and talked about in interviews, suddenly turning Eren into a poster boy for it and canceling previous sides of Eren’s complexity as a character. I would like to believe Isayama hasn’t lost his magic touch this badly, but every day I’m less sure of it.

My opinion, for what is worth, is that that line you quoted is something he said to trick Zeke into detaching himself from Eren and going against him - breaking the bonds of love all around him has been a very deliberate choice Eren has made post time-skip - and at the same time it’s something Eren is trying to believe himself, in a desperate attempt at explaining to his own conscience that he was destined to bring such destruction, that he was always capable of it, and that there is a sort of justice in it where there isn’t. And he knows, deep down. That’s why he dissociates in the end.

In a very twisted, self-deprecating way, Eren is a liar to everyone, himself included. He has become an unreliable narrator about himself. Eren has completely shut down because he cannot stand what he is doing.

And I would very much like to know why he gave up on trying to find a different solution, if that’s what it is that happened, and why he sounds like a different person every other scene he appears in, in the next 4 months.

#eren yeager #snk spoilers #snk meta #shingeki asks

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newheart97 · 4 years

Text

Stress relief (Aziraphale x Reader x Crowley

A/N: Hi! It’s my first time posting here so I hope this works out. Do leave a comment if you have any advice or anything you’d like to share. If you leave aside that tha reader has a bra, then the gender is not specified.

Words: 3100-ish

It had been a really stressful week. Your colleague at your part-time job was sick so your boss had asked -more like, ordered- you to cover for her, which meant more shifts, which meant less time to study for the oncoming university exams, which meant that your anxiety and stress levels were rapidly increasing.

You just had a night shift, a stressful, long, boring night shift, waiting on rude and drunk customers and having to bear their behaviour with a smile on your face.

By the time you arrived at Aziraphale’s place, it was already 4 in the morning and your alarm was set to wake you up at 8, as you had to be at your university at 9.30 for the only oral exam you had this year. You quietly opened the door of the bookshop and tiptoed to the sofa in the backroom, not wanting to wake up the angel and the demon, if he had decided to spend there the night, and as soon as your head hit the headrest you fell asleep.

After barely four hours of restless sleep and almost none spent going through your notes, you entered the room where the exam was to take place and started exchanging a few words with your fellow students, some sharing information and some sharing your worries.

At 9.30 sharp, the professor entered the room with a colleague in tow to help him interview the large number of students. The problem was that, even though the number of students was high, the professor had the brilliant idea of NOT separating the exam in two different days and dividing the students between each day, so every student present was left wondering if they would even be able to get everything done that day or they had to come back the next one.

While waiting for your turn, you felt the phone vibrate in your pocket. You took it out and checked it to see a new text from Crowley.

C: Where are you?

(Y): At my university, I have an exam, remember?

C: Oh, yeah, that… When will you be done, again?

(Y): Wouldn’t it be great if I could answer you?

C: What?

(Y): I don’t know when I’ll be done, could be an hour, could be two, could be tomorrow for all I know.

C: What do you mean you don’t know?

(Y): It means ‘I do not know’.

You put your phone momentarily down to check how many students were left -way too many- and just listened to what kind of question were being asked, anxiety raising each time an answer that you should have known decided to flee from your head.

Your phone kept vibrating for a while as you kept trying to ignore it in favour of going through your notes for the millionth time, but in the end, you felt guilty and grabbed it again.

C: Well, tell me when you’re done.

C: Angel is upset he couldn’t see you off this morning.

C: Keeps saying how he wanted to wish you luck.

C: He’s been pacing for half an hour now ‘cause you’re not back yet.

Reading all his text made you relax a bit, stress and anxiety forgotten as you thought about your lovers, how you first met them at the bookshop, Crowley coming up behind you saying that you smelt strange -which initially greatly offended you-, how you found out that you were half demon and how they had helped you come to terms with it, all the ups and downs you went through trying to deal with the feelings you had for both of them until you finally confronted them, giving birth to your current relationship.

Your thoughts were interrupted again by the buzz of your phone. Thinking it was another text from your demon, you hastily opened it without checking the sender, the small smile on your face quickly disappearing when you read the content: it was from your boss.

B: (Y/N), I need you to take tonight’s shift.

You were not having it, today was your day off, he couldn’t just tell you that you had to come work out of the blue, especially when you had informed him that you had an important exam.

(Y): I am sorry, but I don’t think I will be able to come today as I do not know at what time I will be able to leave.

It seemed a quite reasonable excuse, as you really didn’t know at what time you would be done and even then, you would probably be too exhausted to remember not to be rude to customers.

You received another text and you quickly checked it.

C: You do know that you don’t even need to be there, right?

You sighed as you typed the answer, a bit annoyed since you had already had that same conversation at breakfast before your previous exams.

(Y): Do you really need an answer?

C: Just saying, you’re half demon, you don’t need a degree.

(Y): And as I always tell you, I’m half human, I’ve lived as a human for all my life and I’ll get this damn degree if it’s the last thing I do.

(Y): You can’t just expect me to throw away all these years of hard work.

(Y): Zira has his shop; you got your car. What do I have? I’m just an average student struggling to figure what they want to do with their future who just so happens to be half demon and who hasn’t had time to accomplish anything special.

For a while, the phone stayed silent and you turned your focus back on the professor and his assistant. It was almost 12.30, which meant lunch break, but just the idea of eating made you nauseous. As the time went by, you started regretting your little outburst, but you didn’t have the strength to apologize right then. The professor stood up and made his way out of the room after declaring that the exam would start again in an hour.

As you got up too, your phone vibrated again and you unlocked it.

C: You have me and Zira, love.

Your breath got caught in your throat. Where Aziraphale was quite the sweet talker, showering you with words of love, Crowley was more of a showing-through-actions kind of guy -well, demon- so it was rare for him to call you love. That’s why you knew that he really meant it and that’s why every time he said it your breath hitched and your heartbeat picked up the pace.

You slumped back on your seat and typed the answer.

(Y): I know and I am forever grateful to whoever decided to make you appear in my life. It’s just that this is one of my last exams, after that there’s graduation and then I can finally close this chapter of my life, my human life, and fully enjoy the new, incredible, amazing chapter that is you guys.

(Y): Sorry for the outburst there, I’m just a bit stressed, what with the exam and the lack of sleep. Let’s not forget my job!

(Y): I just can’t wait to be able to fully focus on my life with you. I love you guys, so so much. I can’t wait to see you after this.

You put your phone in your backpack and headed to the courtyard to get some fresh air and try to convince yourself that there was nothing to worry about as you did study, you did understand the subject and you would pass with a good grade.

It was almost time to head back into the room when your phone vibrated. You took it out of your backpack and stilled for a second: it was your boss calling, so, even though you really would have preferred ignoring it, you answered.

“Hello, this is (Y/N) (L/N).”

“You need to come in tonight.” he ordered with a harsh tone without even greeting back.

“I’m really sorry but, as I’ve already told you, I don’t think I can make it, they haven’t said when we’ll be done yet.” you answered trying to keep your calm.

“Either you come, or you’re fired.”

If finding another job was easy then you would have had no restraint and just let your mouth run without filters, speaking your mind without worrying too much. Unfortunately, it wasn’t easy so, with all the willpower you could muster, you tried to keep the conversation civilized.

“You can’t fire me for not coming in on my day off.”

“I can and I will if I don’t see you at 9 sharp.” he threatened and hung up.

“What?... ugh… I HATE him!” you half shouted, earning strange looks from the few students around you. You huffed and texted Crowley to let him know that you wouldn’t be able to join them for dinner and to not wait up for you. After that you turned off your phone and shoved it in the backpack, your mood completely ruined, hurrying to the classroom, not noticing the dark clouds that were gathering over your head.

It was 5 in the afternoon and you were still waiting for your turn. As you lazily glanced out the window, you finally noticed how dark the sky had become, darker than it should be at that time of the day. You started cursing the weather forecast guy for saying that it would be sunny and clear all day.

It was nearing the end of the day and the hope of being called was slowly disappearing, while the feeling of having wasted the day doing nothing but wait and worry began making its way to the forefront of your mind, along with the increasing anger at having to go to work when all you wanted to do was cuddle in bed with your angel and your demon boyfriends listening to the various situations they found themselves into, warm and safe in their embrace.

It was 6.30 and just as you were about to give up and leave, you heard your name being called. After the initial moment of shock and disbelief, wondering if you had heard correctly, you quickly made your way to the desk of the professor.

The questions seemed fairly easy, you answered all of them, but the never-changing expression of the man in front of you left you wandering if you had indeed answered correctly or not. After the last question, when you thought that the torture had finally ended and you would know whether you made it or not, the professor had another surprise for you.

“Very well. You will know your grade later this evening via e-mail.”

And with that, he started gathering his things and made his way out of the door, leaving a stunned you behind.

You stayed like that a few more seconds before recollecting yourself and checking the time.

It was 7 and soon the university would close, so you exited the building only to be met with so much rain pouring down that you wondered if God decided to drown humanity again.

You decided to head for your devilish boyfriend’s apartment, as it was closer, to take a quick shower and change your clothes. As you bravely took the first step out of the door, head tilted down to shelter your eyes, the rain that you expected to pour down on you never came.

You lifted your gaze to see a hand holding an umbrella over your head and finally the dark sunglasses hiding the yellow snake-eyes of the man the hand belonged to. The smile with which he greeted you made you want to crumble to the floor and just hug and keep him close.

“Figured you hadn’t an umbrella with you.” he told you with a small smirk.

Suddenly all words escaped your mind and you just hugged him, him embracing you with one arm and leaning down to place a kiss on your head. Relishing in his warmth, you whispered a soft ‘thank you’ and stayed there a few more seconds as he just kept hugging you, not forcing you to say anything.

When you finally pulled away, he smiled at you once more and led you to his Bentley. Once there you turned to him.

“Crow, can you take me to your place? I should still have some clothes there.”

Instead of answering, he just grinned like a child who knows they did something they shouldn’t have done, going the opposite way.

“Crowley, what are you doing? I have to be at work at 9.” you insisted.

“Not really.” he nonchalantly answered while narrowly avoiding a pedestrian.

You knew then and then that he had done something and that most likely you just had become jobless.

Having accepted it as a reality you sighed and calmly asked

“What have you done?”

“Let’s just say the you won’t need to go there anymore.”

‘Well, what’s done it’s done, I guess’ you thought, but there was still one problem: you weren’t heading for the bookshop either.

“Where are you taking me, then?”

Not to your surprise, he didn’t answer your question and limited himself to raising the volume when Bohemian Rhapsody came along.

After half an hour of reckless and aimless driving, you finally parked in front of the bookshop. You were confused but before you could even take one step inside, the demon stopped you, mad you turn around and quickly blindfolded you.

“What are you doing, Crowley?!” you whisper-shouted even more confused.

“Trust me.” he whispered in your ear, sending shivers down your spine, your cheeks heating up a bit.

“Trust a demon? Now that’s quite the request, isn’t it?” you asked, trying to hide your embarrassment.

He just chuckled as a response and began leading you on the path to what your feet memorised as the room they had previously miracled for you. As you approached the room, you could hear the light shuffle of footsteps and feel the fire’s warmth enveloping you.

Crowley stopped you and took off your blindfold. In front of you, in the middle of the room stood your angel, a warm smile adorning your face. As soon as he opened his arms you jumped straight into his loving embrace, soon joined by the snake, sandwiching you between the two celestial beings, engulfing you in their love.

You all pulled back and Crowley made you sit on the blanket and cushions covered floor.

“Would you like a cup of hot chocolate, love?” Aziraphale asked while pointing at the two mugs standing on the small coffee table in front of you, next to a bottle of red wine.

“Yes, definitely, thank you Zira.” you thanked him, grabbing one of the mugs.

They then sat near you and for a while you just chatted a bit while sipping on chocolate, your boyfriends careful not to mention the happenings of the day.

When you finished the chocolate, your mood the best it’d been in a while, the atmosphere was momentarily interrupted by your phone ringing. You sighed and looked at your lovers, silently asking permission to go check. After they assured you that it was alright, you forced yourself to stand up and go. You did so silently and just as silently you put your phone back down after turning it off and turned around with an unreadable expression on your face.

Worried, your boyfriends approached you, sharing a look.

“What’s wrong, dear?”

Hearing the angel’s concerned voice, you snapped back to reality and after looking at the both of them you beamed.

“I did it! I passed!” you exclaimed before throwing yourself at them.

They relaxed and congratulated you, the serpent saying that he knew you had nothing to worry about while Aziraphale patted your head. You went back to the cushions you were sitting on previously with your angelic boyfriend while Crowley headed out of the room, claiming that he was going to get some more wine to celebrate.

“Love, don’t take it the wrong way, but may I ask you to remove your shirt?”

Now, that was an unusual request from the principality, but after looking at him with eyes wide in surprise and him explaining that it wasn’t what you thought with reddened cheeks, you complied with his demand. He made you lay on your stomach just as you heard Crowley make his way into the room again.

He set what you assumed to be the bottles on the table and passed one to Aziraphale, only that, from what you could see, it was too little to be a bottle of wine. As you were wondering, you felt warm fingers on your back as they gently unclasped your bra. You turned your head ready to ask what was going on to the demon, but when you opened your mouth you gasped at a cold liquid being poured on your back.

Crowley chuckled and watched as realization came across your features and when the angel’s hands began working their magic, he witnessed how you melted, relaxing completely. He soon tugged your pants, wanting to join in on the pleasure-giving work of Aziraphale.

And there you were, only in your underwear and with two pair of hands on your body releasing all the knots the stress had created, your mind in a stated in-between consciousness and dreamland. They kept up the good work until they considered their mission a complete success. Slowly, you felt their hands leaving your body, a small whine escaping your lips, making the beings above you chuckle a bit.

“Don’t worry.” Aziraphale whispered while helping you get up from your relaxed position.

As you were trying to clasp back your bra, Crowley leaned in, kissing you just below your ear.

“I know another way to release your stress.” he said, kissing along your neck and finishing with a bite that promised more to come.

“Well, I can’t wait.” you answered as you tried to stand up only to stumble back down again, your legs feeling like jelly.

“…though, I fear that you’ll have to carry me, your massage left me boneless.”

Your lovers chuckled, the serpent smirking a bit, and Aziraphale proceeded to pick you up and carry you princess style. As you reached your shared bedroom, he gently laid you on the bed.

Useless to say that you didn’t have much sleep that night either but, as you woke up between your lovers, you felt all tiredness leave your body, filling it with love for the ones who turned your life in a beautiful unpredictable mess.

“I love you.” you whispered softly to the sleeping beings.

“We love you too.” they answered back wrapping their arms around you.

#good omens #aziraphale x reader x crowley #aziraphale x reader #crowley x reader #stress #gender not specified #student!reader #caring crowley #caring aziraphale

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