#you can only write so much lyric about *not knowing what team you belong to* before it begins to sound Like The Metaphor It Is

[variousqueerthings]

high school musical 3 is a fascinating journey to go on, because it's not coherent as such, but it hits some very interesting beats before sharpishly walking them back or does some bland needs-to-be-there stuff that it then promptly forgets about (mainly around pairing the spares), because you'd never be allowed to outright depict the highschool romance not lasting into college, or that the father is emotionally overbearing if not abusive in the ways he pressures his son (and ofc there are some queer overtones in the "don't do theatre, do sports!" thing), and you absolutely can't explain why the male best friend who's sleepwalking through a non-romance plot is obsessed with the male lead spending his entire life with him/choosing him over the girlfriend, whom he definitely never really liked

RIP sharpay and ryan are pretty sidelined in this plot (esp considering the growth in the second movie), although at least ryan continues to be an mvp in terms of performance and clothing style, and kelsi brings us more non-binary Fits so there's that

you have tensions that feel like they exist outside the film, hurriedly correcting like it's a slapstick "the show goes wrong" type of deal --

two seconds of kelsi and ryan paying lip-service to pairing the spares, before it's never relevant again, but it's been written now, don't worry, they are Straight, see they composed/sang 1min of a duet that wasn't actually for or about them in the story

another mini-arc that lasts all of 5ish minutes of chad asking out taylor, before both of them phone it in and have separate conversations with their besties about how your boyfriend/girlfriend in highschool isn't that important (and chad of course from then on is only interested in whether troy will go to college with him, like they'd always dreamed of)

gabriella going away early to college some thousands of miles away and calling troy right before prom to say she's not coming back for it, or for graduation, because she's decided not to see him again in order to move forwards with her life, which is a pretty clear boundary to set (if done in a somewhat terrible way), only for him to... get to where she is somehow? and his presence simply convinces her to not care about any of her previous decision-making

troy's dad once again being the worst character while he guilts his son over having an interest in theatre (same as in the last 2 movies), instead of following in his exact footsteps, only for the story to shrug it off at the end, because there was never going to be follow-through on something like that

and I know it's not that deep, don't get me wrong here. I'm just interested as someone who's seeing the bits where the structure it's been building (someone Chose To Write This) get dropped in favour of it not being that deep when... it could be a better, more complex movie, possibly if it weren't disney channel I'm guessing. but then, it didn't have to have these arcs to begin with, it could have been a much lighter story, it chose not to be --

and some of the corners it wrote itself into due to law of sequel character-growth stagnancy, because it's about writing the same story three times with slightly different covers, so chad has to be annoyed with troy for choosing gabriella over hi- uh, basketball? sharpay has to try to steal the show/troy, troy's dad has to guilt him before supporting him, gabriella and troy have to have a moment of Sad before working it out (quickly, the Sad cannot last for too long), etc. but because the structure simply changes when you write a different story (they are going to college after this, they won't be seeing each other every day again), these storylines feel different/get written differently

it's kind of a sad movie overall, with its whole idea of this'll never be forgotten best years of our lives type rhetoric ("Who says we have to let it go? // It's the best part we've ever known // Step into the future... but hold on to High School Musical"), and it brings that sadness into the plot -- it could have gone way harder on "we're so excited for the future and what's to come" but it didn't

I am so into movies like this. poking at them to see all the limitations that exist outside of them that work against telling a good story, but the good story is in there, somewhere. when for some reason production has decided that stagnation is more important. people don't want to see stories about people who change, they want them to stay the same forever (and ideally go back and watch the first movie again afterwards I guess)

anyway troy's "anxiety nightmare in the school" song was actually great + encapsulates 90% of the tension the movie has that it never actually manages to work out, but just brushes under the carpet, it's perfect:

"I don't know where to go // What's the right team? // I want my own thing // So bad I'm gonna scream // I can't choose, so confused // What's it all mean?"

you wrote this song hsm3: senior year team! c'mon!

#high school musical 3 #hsm3 #yeah catch me analysing this film #troy bolton is bisexual ofc #you can only write so much lyric about *not knowing what team you belong to* before it begins to sound Like The Metaphor It Is #long post #yeah yeah yeah i just watched hsm3 im going to bed now #10/10 experience enjoyed it a lot -- terrible movie

[wellhalesbells]

[Based on Asks I Get] Here’s the Cheatsheet to My (Sterek) Fics, Folks:

Why am I Following You Again?:  👋🏻 You’re probably here because of There’s Monsters at Home.  Stiles is a BAMF, Derek is a Failwolf, the Pack has to actually learn how to form Voltron (figuratively), Derek gets possessed by a demon (literally), Stiles is blind (temporarily), and there’s a semi-sentient phoenix tattoo.  There’s art from @andavs​ for it here because she is one of the coolest people I’ve ever known.  Big facts.  There’s also a gifset that eeames made that can only be found in the fic now (thanks, tumblr) so check that ish out!

You Wrote a Sterek Fic Where, Like, They’re Dicks... But It’s Good?  Also, Stiles is Correct™ about How Much It Sucks to Sleep in the Same Bed as a Human Heater: You’re thinking of Seat Belts & Gravity, and your description is much better than mine.  On.  Point.

There was One Where, Like, They’re in College and There’s the Pack But Not Really Because I Think Everyone was Human and No One Knows Derek and Stiles are Together Even Though It’s Not a Secret?: You’re thinking of We’re Burning One Hell of a Something, aka The One You Will Never Find If You Don’t Bookmark It Now.  I’m serious, I just told you what it is but navigate away from this page for one minute and what’s it called?  You don’t know, but an Ellie Goulding song is stuck in your head and this is going to drive you gonzo now.  Just bookmark it, for serious.

😭 B-But Protozooey?: That’s Of Bananas, Babies and Buzzkills and I’m sorry.  Oh, and get all your bwhahas and wah-wah-wahs in podfic form: here!

What are the Rules to Brackets?: Brackets is a fictional game created in The Quadruped, Rhypophagus Team of Goatliness that is based solely on the pure chaotic energy of True American in New Girl ..... what about any of that fic makes you think rules belong there?

P.S. What Does Rhypophagus Mean?: Granted this was never a super popular word but it did used to be a... word and it means trash-eating - I cannot explain to you why there’s only, like, one link on Google that will tell you that now.  I’m thinking Larry and Sergey liked my fic so much they decided: all roads must lead to this miss!  It’s the only thing that makes sense really.

Did You Write a Ballet One Where, Like, Afterwards I Wanted to Crawl into a Dark Hole and Eschew All Human Contact?:  I did!  Thanks for noticing, and you’re welcome!  It’s called Birds of a Feather Fuck Together.  You probably remember this art for it too!

There was a Nerd/Jock Thing But Also Still Werewolves... Am I Remembering This Right?: You are!  It’s Option C) Some Bad Guys are Werewolves, but Not All Werewolves are Bad Guys.  I should make longer titles, huh?  Also there is awesome art for it by NateintheAttic.

Are You the Person Who Did the One Where the Hales are Still Alive and There’s, Like, Magic and Scott’s a Seer and Also Everyone Thinks Scott and Stiles are Gonna Bone (Including Derek)?  No, Right?:  I can see why you would think I am not that person because it is all kinds of happy but that was me!  It’s called Instructions for Dancing.  It’s got a bittle prequel on tumblr here and a scene from Derek’s PoV here.

Did You Ever Finish that One that I Started to Read on Tumblr and Then Lost Track of around Part, Like, Fifteen?:  I did!  It’s completed on tumblr as the Subway Sleeper Series and posted to AO3 as a huge block of zaniness under the name Hibernation Station.  Oh!  And art exists for it: here and here!

There was One about Allison?: There was!  It’s called Phases of the Weaker Heart and it’s entirely from her point of view with some of my fave pre-slashy Sterek sprinkled in.  @goodoceangonewrong giffed one of my absolute favorite scenes: here and lunchee did an absolute gorgeous reading of it here.

There’s One with a Dog and Baltimore and Frosted Flakes and Baseball and Smiling and Also, Like, So Much Baltimore Though?:  That’s [Hilary Duff Lyric Redacted]!  You might also remember the art for it: here.

There’s One Where Stiles Talks, Like, So Much?: That could be so many, help me out here! .... Holy-Os, Now with Thirty Percent More Bonermallows?  Oh, of course!  That would be How Weetabix Got His Marshmallows Back!  You’re welcome, you dirty birds 😉

Okay, This is Going to Sound Weird but Boyd was Just, Like, Stealing Clothes Off Dead Hunters in the Background?: That’s Apathy, Apathy, You’ll be the Death of Me and it sounds perfectly in character to me so I’m not even sure what you mean by “weird.”

Are You Ever Going to Finish Your Series/Write a Sequel Like You Said You were Going to?:  I am super sure that I am one day going to do those things, yes.  Is that based on reality or previous patterns?  Listen, sometimes you just have to have faith, y’know?

#sterek #teen wolf #calrissian18 #these are all based on real asks i've gotten or real search terms i've seen to try to Find The Fic #i've gotten the one about the college au like.... multiple times too #you may not think you love it but you will try to find it again and just... save yourself the headache now y'all #also the person who couldn't remember the fic but could quote BONERMALLOWS to me? hero. #if there are any others that you just like.... lose sometimes let me know and i'll add them here #but in the years i've been on this hellsite..... #THESE are the ones i get qs about and oNLY these

[cheesybadgers]

(GO TO PART 2 AND PART 3)

PART 1

I’ve been meaning to do this for a while and just never got round to it, but figured now was finally the time!

This post is basically a bunch of random trivia and references for OHDH based on stuff I’ve researched when writing. There are a few things in my next couple of chapters that I thought warranted further explanation if anyone is interested. And well even if they’re not, it’s handy for me to refer to when I no doubt forget things 😂

I’ll keep adding to it as much as I can, including going back to older chapters whenever I think of anything.

1. The bombing in Madrid that happens whilst Horacio is living there in chapter 6 actually happened in real life in 1992, which is the year I placed Horacio in Spain.

2. The crucifix necklace that features throughout the fic was based on the chain we see around Carrillo’s neck in the scene below (and the screencap doubles as a nice bit of eye sex as well 😉). I just headcanoned it had a cross attached to it, seen as we see him praying with Trujillo and I think it’s highly likely he had a Catholic upbringing in Colombia. 

3. Linking on from the above, thanks to this post I also found out part-way through writing the fic that there was a prop necklace made for season 2, but we never see it on screen (we were robbed!!).

I don’t know if this is the same one from season 1, I suspect it’s not otherwise why would the auction not mention that? Plus the one above appears to be silver (although the lighting is terrible in that scene so who knows?!). 

The auction page says the following about the prop, along with a charm bracelet:

Now, I haven’t been able to fathom out what they mean re: the charm bracelet tbh. Because the first time we see it is when Steve goes to dinner with Connie in The Enemies of My Enemy:

He gives it to Connie to give to Olivia, but Connie tells him to keep it because he needs the luck. This scene takes place after they visit Juliana Carrillo, but what I don’t get is a) Why would Steve still have it after visiting Juliana if he was supposed to give it back to her? and b) If it is supposed to be Carrillo’s, what was he doing with it when he died? Because he clearly wasn’t wearing it lol. I can only think his wife/daughter gave him it for good luck and he just carried it around on him, which is a thought I have a lot of feelings about 😭❤️

Anyway...I digress lol. As for Carrillo’s necklace, I ran with the auction site saying the medallion is of a deity, and after falling down multiple research holes, I found out there is a Colombian deity called Bochica. 

Bochica looks like this:

I went through all of the Colombian deities and to me, the medallion looks most like Bochica out of all of them.

Now, this is where I lost my mind slightly. Because Colombian mythology states that Bochica is the God of morals and laws 👀👀 So, I can only assume it was a deliberate choice by the writing team/prop department to include Bochica on Carrillo’s necklace. Which makes it even more of a crying shame that we never saw it in the show! 

Linking back to OHDH for a second, as I’d already given Horacio the crucifix necklace by the time I was aware of this prop, in chapter 14 I decided to add a second one that belonged to Horacio’s dad instead. And it may make another appearance in a future chapter 😉

4. In chapter 13, Horacio talks about celebrating Día de las Velitas every Christmas (the candles in the guesthouse were his own tribute to it). It translates to ‘Day of the Little Candles’ in English and is celebrated on 7th December in Colombia. In the same chapter, Javier also mentions Las Posadas which is celebrated in various Latin American countries and Mexico between 16th and 24th December. 

5. In chapter 13, the song on the radio at Chucho’s celebration meal is Look At Us by Vince Gill. Because the lyrics just felt apt for where Javier and Horacio were at by this point of their relationship ❤️

6. If you want an idea of what I had in mind for ranch!Horacio in chapter 13 (when Javier can’t control himself in the kitchen 😉), this is basically it:

This is Maurice Compte in There is a New World Somewhere (which you should definitely watch if you haven’t already btw) and even though I wrote a damn fic about this film lol, I had forgotten he wears this outfit. And it wasn’t until I went looking for gifs of Maurice wearing jeans (because I just couldn’t imagine Horacio wearing them for some reason 😂) that I realised he was basically ranch!Horacio 👀

7. The scenes between Horacio and Chucho in chapter 15 were slightly inspired by the fact that both Maurice Compte and Edward James Olmos starred together in Mayans MC. I remember watching Mayans early last year after I’d started OHDH and could not believe my luck, because their interactions in that were kinda how I imagined Horacio and Chucho (although Chucho doesn’t at any point attempt to kill Horacio, unlike their respective characters in Mayans 😂). The scene of Horacio drinking on the porch and of Chucho covering Horacio with a blanket were nods to similar scenes the actors shared in Mayans MC. 

8. Speaking of Edward James Olmos, in chapter 15, Horacio finds a book on Javier’s shelf called With His Pistol in His Hand by Américo Paredes. A film adaptation was made of it in 1983 called The Ballad of Gregorio Cortez starring none other than, you’ve guessed it...Edward James Olmos. The detail of Javier and Horacio watching the film serves no purpose other than a fun Easter egg for my own amusement tbh 😂

There are also a few other literary references in the same scene as the above that I thought were kind of apt: Rosario Castellanos (a Mexican author/poet), One Hundred Years of Solitude by Gabriel García Márquez, Giovanni's Room by James Baldwin

9. In chapter 15, Chucho talks about making an altar for Mariana each Día de Muertos, which translates in English to the Day of the Dead and is celebrated in Mexican culture on 1st and 2nd November. 

A large part of my inspiration for this came from a book called Everyone Knows You Go Home by Natalia Sylvester which I highly recommend. 

10. Whilst on the subject of other books I’ve read that have inspired me for this fic, here are a few more (and I’ll add any others I read in the future): 

Like This Afternoon Forever by Jaime Manrique

Fruit of the Drunken Tree by Ingrid Rojas Contreras

Under the Mesquite by Guadalupe Garcia McCall

11. In the opening scene of chapter 16, Chucho is cooking with a Mexican spice called epazote. And ok so this is really random, but I have to thank this interview with Tony Dalton (Lalo from Better Call Saul) who is from Laredo, for educating me on the existence of this spice. He talks in that interview about how he schooled the BCS writers on authentic Mexican cooking and got them to change a line in the script to include epazote. So, I thought why not use it here when I’m writing about characters in Laredo?! Frijoles de la Olla is also a Mexican bean dish that uses epazote in the recipe. 

12. In the scene where Javier and Horacio reunite, I kind of had the bottom gif from this post in mind, which is a scene from another Maurice Compte film called I Do. Obvs Horacio is wearing a cowboy hat as well, but you get the idea 😉

13. In chapter 16, when Javier tells Horacio everything about Los Pepes and Bill Stechner, I expanded on the canon detail that Bill Stechner was an instructor at the School of the Americas and was involved with conflict in Nicaragua, and decided that it was highly likely Horacio and probably Javier as well, would have received some sort of SOA-related training. 

As is so often the case, I got sucked down a research rabbit hole and ended up reading this book: The School of the Americas: Military Training and Political Violence in the Americas by Lesley Gill

This was an interesting paragraph that made me think of a certain scene in Narcos, I can’t imagine why 👀

14. Chapter 16 is named after Like a Prayer by Madonna because it just suited the mood and also, some of the lyrics are so them ❤️

15. The show sets Javier’s and Horacio’s trip to Tolú in December 1989, but never specifies a date. My anniversary with my husband also happens to be in December, so in chapter 17, I may have given them the same anniversary 😳

EDIT TO ADD: Erm, the show actually did specify a date for their trip to Tolú. And you'll never believe which date:

For some reason, I only noticed this in August 2023, so there you are, they actually do share my anniversary based on canon's timeline of events 👀👀👀

16. The song they dance to in chapter 17 is Can’t Help Falling in Love by Elvis Presley. I kind of need to do a shoutout to The Killers for covering the song and planting the idea in my head to use it here after setting up in chapter 15 that Javier kept Mariana’s records in his bedroom ❤️

17. The poetry book Javier gifts to Horacio in chapter 17 was heavily based on An Anthology of Spanish Poetry: From the Beginnings to the Present Day, Including Both Spain and Spanish America by John Armstrong Crow. I particularly wanted to include Federico García Lorca because he was a gay Spanish poet, who was tragically assassinated for his socialist political views. 

18. Thank you to this post for helping me figure out that ‘Mi hogar’ was the right Spanish phrase for ‘My home’ ❤️

19. There’s also a callback in chapter 17 to Horacio discovering Javier’s copy of Giovanni’s Room by James Baldwin in chapter 15. Weirdly, I included this detail before I read or knew anything about Swimming in the Dark by Tomasz Jedrowski, in which the gay main character bonds with his boyfriend over Giovanni’s Room. The way I SCREAMED when I read Swimming in the Dark, having already included a reference to Giovanni’s Room in chapter 15 👀👀

20. I’ve already mentioned Las Posadas in chapter 13 and seen as chapter 17 takes place a year after chapter 13, I thought I’d go into more detail about the celebrations. You can read more about the significance of the piñata and various traditions here and here.

21. Chapter 17 mentions Día de los Reyes Magos, which takes place on 6th January and closes out the festive season. Rosca de Reyes (Kings’ Loaf) is a type of sweet bread traditionally eaten on this day.

22.  Fiesta San Antonio is references in chapter 17 and is an annual festival that takes place in San Antonio every April. Cascarones are a tradition at the festival, where confetti-filled eggs are cracked over the heads of your friends and loved ones (I loved discovering this fact!).

23. I did a lot of reading about Madrid and Spain for chapters 18 and 19, so I’ll talk about the books I found the most useful here:

Snow on the Atlantic: How Cocaine Came to Europe by Nacho Carretero

This book was INVALUABLE in helping me link together Spain and Colombia with regards to drug trafficking (of which I knew nothing about beforehand, funnily enough). In fact, it’s now my headcanon that this is what Horacio would have been involved with when he was exiled to Madrid in the show lol. Galicia is a region of Spain where drug trafficking clans operate and they ship product in from Colombia to distribute through Europe. Weirdly, I saw a news story about this in the UK the other day (April 2023) where traffickers were using submarines to smuggle cocaine off the Spanish coast, so this kind of thing very much still goes on!

There was also a line in the book about Pacho Herrera visiting the clans in Galicia back in the 80s/90s, so that’s where I got that line from in chapter 18.

Operación Nécora is covered in the book, but you can also read more about it here as well (this was another namedrop in the conversation between Horacio and Álvaro).

The Book of Casey Adair by Kevin Harvey

A book about gay characters living in Madrid in the 80s – perfect research! I do have more to say about this one, but I’ll save it for after chapter 19 has been posted.

For any Pedro fans interested in A Strange Way of Life that’s coming out later this year, Pedro Almodóvar gets mentioned quite a bit in this book!

Without a Second Thought: A Memoir of Life in Franco's Madrid by Diane Lorz Benitez

This was a memoir of an American woman living in Madrid in the 70s and 80s, so just at the end and immediately after the Franco regime. Again, I will say more about this book after chapter 19 has been posted.

24. The bombing that killed Álvaro’s brother, Jaime, is based on the one that actually happened in Madrid in 1993. Please note I have not based Jaime on any of the real victims; the date of the bombing just fit the timeline of the story.

25. El Retiro Park exists in real life Madrid, as does the Fuente del Ángel Caído (fun fact: it sits 666 metres above sea level 😈), the Palacio de Cristal, the lake and the Monument to Alfonso XII.

26. La Semana Santa is Holy Week in Spain, which begins on Palm Sunday and ends on Easter Sunday. If you’re alarmed by some of the outfits shown in that link, don’t be, as they came first and it was a certain white supremacist group who did the cultural appropriation.

Some of the foods referenced in chapter 19 are traditionally eaten during La Semana Santa. Here are a few recipes: Espinacas con Garbanzos, Croquetas de Bacalao, Bartolillos Madrileños, Buñuelos de Viento, Flores Fritas and Torrijas.

27. I previously mentioned reading Without a Second Thought: A Memoir of Life in Franco’s Madrid by Diane Lorz Benitez (see point 23). In chapter 19 of OHDH, Señora Romero talks about hiding people from raids back in the days of Franco. This book references such raids by Franco’s men during the Spanish Civil War and explains how the porter in the author's apartment building used to hide people like this. So, given the age of Señora Romero, I decided she would have been in Madrid around this time and it felt fitting for her character to have put her neck on the line for others.

28. While on the subject of historical Madrid, I also previously mentioned reading The Book of Casey Adair by Kevin Harvey (see point 23 again), which follows a gay American postgrad student living in Madrid at the start of the ‘80s. It focuses largely on his personal relationships and sexuality, the political upheaval in Spain around that time and also the HIV/AIDS crisis.

I cried my eyes out at the ending, and it got me thinking about my own fic. When I first started it, I wasn’t expecting it to become so detailed with history and realism beyond what we see in Narcos, so I didn’t plan on talking about HIV/AIDS at all. But now we’re here and research has become a big part of the process for me, so even though I didn’t want it to be a significant subplot (because there's enough going on already), I wanted to at least acknowledge the existence of HIV/AIDS in a story about bisexual men set in the ‘80s/'90s. And I think it adds another layer to the sense of relief Javier and Horacio are feeling now they’ve come through the other side of everything ❤️

29. In chapter 19, the phone call between Javier and Chucho delves into their family history and gives a bit of backstory about how Chucho’s and Mariana’s parents came from Mexico to the USA. The following book about repatriation of Mexican and Mexican-American people from America in the '30s has been an invaluable resource and I couldn’t have written this scene without it: Decade of Betrayal: Mexican Repatriation in the 1930s by Francisco E. Balderrama

30. I chose Cattleya orchids for Trujillo's wedding, as it's the national flower of Colombia.

31. The church where Trujillo gets married is the same one seen in The Sword of Simón Bolivar (season 1, episode 2) where Javier is anxiously waiting for news from Helena (also just feel the need to say I'm obsessed with the framing of this shot below, it has subtext written all over it lol):

It's the Iglesia del Señor de las Misericordias and the below picture shows the balcony Javier and Horacio talk over more clearly:

32. I included several Colombian wedding traditions in Trujillo's ceremony and the reception (disclaimer: I'm not Colombian and unfortunately have never been to a Colombian wedding, but I've tried my best with research and appreciate some people may do things differently). The candle ceremony, arras coins, mantilla veil, the shoe game and belt contest, La Hora Loca, the bride and groom having godparents (padrinos and madrinas) rather than bridesmaids/best man, Trujillo's guayabera and bandeja paisa are all referenced here and here.

33. Feria de las Flores is a festival of flowers held in Medellín every August.

34. Jardín Botánico de Medellín exists in real life, and really is a stone's throw away from Iglesia del Señor de las Misericordias. However, I may have taken artistic license with the Orquideorama (the orchid canopy under which the reception is held). It does exist as below, but it wasn't actually built until 2006 lol:

I'd already decided on the botanical gardens being the reception venue, then I saw someone's beautiful wedding photos and decided I had to have the Orquideorama and the tables amongst the trees ❤️

35. I won't link each dish separately, but for most of the wedding food, I used this Colombian recipe site for ideas.

36. Cumbia is the national dance of Colombia, so I had to include it in chapter 20.

Lucho Bermúdez was an important influence in cumbia music and you can listen to Tolú here.

I've had a hard time tracking down the origins of Noches de Cartagena. It seems to be one of those old traditional songs that everyone has done a version of, e.g. here's one version that sounds very different to this one. So take your pick!

37. Given Javier's background, I wanted to include something from the Tejano/Texan music world as well: Laura Canales was a Tejano musician and Hank Locklin made country music.

I also want to mention this piece written by a gay Texan man about dance hall life and his sexuality. It's so beautifully written and the lyrics to a Hank Locklin song called Please Help Me, I'm Falling certainly hit different from a queer point of view. Immediately after reading this piece, I wrote Javier's memories of dancing in chapter 20.

38. If anyone didn't already know what shirt stays/garters are, you're welcome:

They're commonly worn in the military/police, apparently, so I figured there's no way Horacio would put up with an untidy shirt 😉

39. Carolina García Velásquez, who is mentioned in the final scene of chapter 20, is the innocent bystander killed by accident in the La Dispensaria raid. The show didn't give her a name, so I did, just to give Horacio some closure really.

40. For some strange reason, the show never gives Trujillo a first name. So, in the OHDH universe, he's called Felipe, just because I thought it suited him tbh lol.

41. I don’t think I’ve ever really mentioned the fact I decided to kill off Horacio’s dad lol. The only reference to Carrillo’s parents in the show seems to be this one-off line by Escobar when he’s having his bitch-off with Horacio over the phone:

So, this suggests in canon, Carrillo’s parents are very much alive and well. But in the OHDH universe, I liked the parallel with Javier losing his mother (seen as it’s very heavily implied she’s no longer around in the show, and I believe the mother of the real life Javier Peña died too) and helped to develop the thread of grief running throughout the fic.

42. I established in chapter 17 that Horacio’s family live in Manizales. So, once I started researching the city and discovered it’s part of the coffee growing region of Colombia, the idea of the coffee farm in chapter 21 just sprung to mind.

43. La Leyenda del Mareco (The Legend of the Mareco), which Horacio tells Javier about in chapter 21, is a story from Antioquian folklore that I came across in my research.

44. The sudado de pollo recipe cooked in chapter 21 is based on this one and this one (for some reason, the voice of the chef in the video totally reminded me of Juliana Carrillo’s lol).

45. The line in chapter 21 about Madrid being good enough for Simón Bolívar stems from the fact he lived there for two years and married a Spanish woman named María Teresa Rodríguez del Toro y Alaysa.

46. The references to La Violencia (The Violence) relate to a civil war that took place in Colombia between the Conversative and Liberal Parties in the ‘40s and ‘50s. Given how old I placed Horacio and Eduardo, it fit that Eduardo would have been a serving police officer around this time, and I liked the parallel of him being as morally conflicted as Horacio ended up becoming.

The Colombian military and the CNP were largely on the side of the Conservatives, and were up to their necks in brutality and corruption (police officers who were known to be Liberals were also kicked out of the force). So, for me, it kind of puts the outrage/surprise in the show at Carrillo’s more extreme methods in a new light, because plenty of police officers/soldiers before him did a lot worse lol.

Ironically, a lot of those displaced in rural areas by La Violencia fled to cities like Medellín and that's how Comuna 13 was born, which obviously went on to become a victim of Escobar's violence.

Some books I read that add a lot more context about this era:

In Evil Hour by Gabriel García Márquez

Blood and Fire: La Violencia in Antioquia, Colombia, 1946-1953 by Mary Roldán

47. Speaking of Gabriel García Márquez, the line Javier quotes to Alejandra in chapter 21 is from One Hundred Years of Solitude (“We came,” they said, “because everyone is coming.”). In the book, it comes after a railroad is built to Macondo (the fictional town the story is set), which sees the beginning of capitalist imperialism in the town as the American banana companies take over and exploit the Colombian workers.

The line before the one Javier quotes is: “Look at the mess we’ve got ourselves into,” Colonel Aureliano Buendía said at that time, “just because we invited a gringo to eat some bananas.”

It just felt like an apt comparison to America’s involvement in the War on Drugs, so that’s how that ended up in there.

48. In the same conversation between Javier and Alejandra in chapter 21, he calls cowboys ‘vaqueros’ whereas she refers to them as ‘llaneros’. ‘Vaquero’ is the Mexican word for ‘cowboy’ and ‘llanero’ is the Colombian equivalent.

49. The two cats in chapters 21 and 22, Caturra and Bourbon, are named after types of coffee beans.

50. In the conversation between Horacio and Elena in chapter 22, I couldn’t have written the parts about the jaguar, snake and condor without Infinite Country by Patricia Engel (I’ll talk about this book more again after chapter 23).

Another book by a Colombian author that inspired me for chapters 21/22 was The Man Who Could Move Clouds: A Memoir by Ingrid Rojas Contreras (the same author as The Fruit of the Drunken Tree, which I’ve mentioned above somewhere).

51. In chapter 22, when Horacio says: “But there can be a certain kind of freedom in the dark....” I have to give a nod to Black Sails. It’s a quote I’ve talked about before on my Tumblr after I realised it had unintentional similarities to chapters 1 and 2 of OHDH (I only watched Black Sails for the first time in 2023, so wasn’t aware of Flint’s quote back in 2021). Obviously, Flint isn’t just talking about queerness in his speech to Silver, but I used light/dark metaphors in a similar way at the start of this fic, so this is just another callback to that.

52. The mention of El Dorado (‘The Golden One’) in chapter 22 is in reference to the Spanish conquistadors’ quest for a hidden city of gold when they came to Colombia and other parts of Latin America. The legend centres on Lake Guatavita (located near current-day Bogotá), which was one of the sacred lakes of the Muisca people (of which Bochica is a deity of). They were said to carry out rituals at the lake involving their leader being covered in gold dust and trinkets/jewellery etc. would be thrown into the water as offerings. The Spanish colonisers found the lake and tried to drain it in order to hunt for gold, but nothing substantial has ever been found. The lake is now a protected area and attempts to drain it are illegal.

53. The Simón Bolívar half-man, half-condor statue in Manizales mentioned in chapter 22 exists in real life:

54. Here’s the Colombian coat of arms referenced in chapter 22, which also forms part of the CNP emblem:

55. Bochica has been mentioned previously, but I added reference to Chibchacum here as well, who was the one to cause the flood that Bochica stopped with a strike of his staff by creating the Tequendama Falls (also near current-day Bogotá).

56. Día de Todos los Santos refers to the Catholic tradition of All Saints Day, which as explained in chapter 22 differs from Día de Muertos. I wanted to show the differences between Colombian and Mexican culture here – and by extension, Horacio’s and Javier’s different experiences -  but then also maybe have one kinda influence the other based on Horacio’s time spent in Texas.

57. Calentado is mentioned in chapter 22 and there’s a recipe if you fancy a traditional Colombian breakfast and here’s a recipe for cocadas as well.

58. Eduardo’s term of endearment for Elena is ‘Mi media naranja’, which literally translates from Spanish as ‘My half an orange’ but really means ‘My better half’ or ‘My soulmate’. I went with soulmate in my translation, as it feels more significant/appropriate to me. The reference to a postcard with orange groves on it in Eduardo’s trinket box is also a nod to this nickname, just because lol.

59. In case anyone was wondering, or didn’t pick up on it, the scene towards the end of chapter 22 between Horacio and Javier in the car and looking down on Medellín is the same spot from chapter 5 where they said goodbye before Horacio left for Madrid. It felt like the perfect full circle but everything is obviously different now ❤️

#Narcos #Javier Peña x Horacio Carrillo #Javier Peña #Horacio Carrillo #Carrillo #OHDH Trivia #OHDH #My Moodboards

[iwanttoholdon]

Sometimes I feel that weight, I hold that in my chest Sometimes I hold it back, other times I'm blessed

I love the song and I used to listen to it everyday thinking about a crush that broke my heart but these lyrics mean something else to me now. Sometimes it gets so heavy on my chest, so much more than sometimes to be honest, and I don't know what to do with it. Cruel amount of intense emotions and unbearable thoughts with unwanted memories wash over me all at once, I just feel like dying. To be exact I really wanna unalive myself in these moments because I don't want to feel them, I just want to escape and I much rather feel nothing at all. That's why I try to numb myself lately. Just trying to numb my brain with stupid videos or sleep just because I want to run away from myself. But you can't really run away from yourself, can you? Or you can only run away so much. As much as I want, I also know that one can not get rid of her past. And as you run faster it will catch up to you. There is no escape. So I said enough is enough. I am courages enough to face my fears. I am all grown now. I feel like a new person and I gave myself permission to be sad and depressed and took a rest. But I feel hopeful today and I feel like maybe its not that bad you know? Maybe I can have a beautiful life. Maybe I can build myself a beautiful life and maybe there is no rush? Maybe I am not a loser because I don't have a special someone? Maybe I am not a loser because I live with my family in a not nice neighborhood? Maybe I am not a loser because I don't have a car? Maybe I am not a loser because I haven't travel the world. Maybe none of these shit really matter and I am just being stupid by giving myself hell for not doing what the society wants. I am not cool in terms of what cools on Instagram. But I don't really care about these stuff, they don't bother me. They just bother me because I feel like I don't fit in and I want to fit in like everybody else does. But in reality I am comfortable and content. I am not running out of time. I got all the time in the world. I am not late to anything. I should rise above from all of this mess and focus on what makes me feel good. I know better than that. I know better than that.

Anyway I actually wanted to write about the funeral I went to today and cried a lot. It made me really sad. Then I went to a dinner with my new team and hang out with them. And I felt really happy, comfortable and at peace. The energy they were giving were so positive and they were such good and down to earth people. I felt like I belong there. Felt like I found my people and my place. Not specifically those people but genuine people with good intentions. I really understood what they meant by the people and the energy around you can really lift you up or bring you down. So they lift me up from a very deep depression without even knowing without even trying. That is the part I felt blessed. And I haven't felt that in a very long time.

Another thing that punched me in the stomach is remembering tomorrow is my dad's birthday.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DAD. I LOVE YOU SO MUCH. THIS IS THE FIRST BIRTHDAY WE DON'T GET TO CELEBRATE. THERE ARE SO MANY THINGS I WANT TO TELL YOU. I MISS YOU SO MUCH. I WISH YOU WERE STILL HERE. I LOVE YOU SO MUCH. THANK YOU FOR EVERYTHING. THANK YOU FOR ALL THE LOVE. THANK YOU FOR ALL THE CARE. I WILL ALWAYS CHERISH IT. YOU ARE FOREVER IN MY HEART. I REALLY WISH I COULD BUY YOU A BIRTHDAY GIFT AGAIN. I WILL SEE YOU AGAIN AND HUG YOU AGAIN. WE WILL BE TOGETHER SOON ENOUGH AND I HOPE I WILL GET TO TELL YOU ABOUT EVERYTHING. YOU WOULD BE SO PROUD AND HAPPY FOR ME. MAYBE YOU ARE ALREADY. YOU WERE THE BEST DAD TO ME. I WISH I COULD BE NICER TO YOU. HAPPY BIRTHDAY. YOU WILL BE 56 FOREVER. I WILL ALWAYS CARRY YOU IN MY HEART.

#hope #tw depressing stuff #tw grief #trying

[animeomegas]

I really liked the kid naruto idea !

Its really cute and make my cold heart melt!!❤

Can we have some more of with the kind stranger ...

Hmm maybe the reaction of the village ?!

BUT what if the reader has dead ?? (you can ignore this)

I rally like your writing!! And this idea became my favorite!!!🥰

(I apologizeif im beingannoying it'sjust the first time I ask for something here😓)

Hello, I'm so glad you like the child!Naruto AU, and thank you so much for your compliment 😳🥰 Also, you're not annoying at all!!

Let me give you a few headcanons for the AU!

Naruto's first birthday with the kind stranger is one of his most precious memories. If Harry Potter style magic existed in this world, that memory would be the one Naruto used to conjure a patronus.

He and the kind stranger couldn't leave the house because of the violence Naruto is often the target of on his birthday.

So, the kind stranger did all the gift and food shopping in advance, and then on Naruto's birthday, they locked the door and had a pyjama day! Trying to spin it to make it look like they decided to stay inside, not that they had to stay inside.

They make dinner together, homemade ramen of course! And Naruto has a little stool to stand on so that he can reach the counter 🥺

Naruto gets lots of new toys and clothes!!!

And then the kind stranger brings out a bright orange cake with frog decorations, a handful of candles lit and ready for a wish.

Naruto wishes that the kind stranger never leaves him.

The kind stranger has a photo of Naruto sitting in front of his cake, tears streaming down his face but with a huge grin. They keep the photo by their bedside. Naruto has a photo of him sitting on the kind stranger's lap as he opens presents and also a photo of his cake both framed in his room.

If Naruto had thirty seconds to save things from a fire, he would go for the photos first and foremost.

(For his 18th birthday, the kind stranger (who's basically Naruto's parent at this point) gives him a collage of photos from all the birthdays they've celebrated together. It's honestly so heart warming to see how the number of people in the photo's increases every year.)

Sometimes, the kind stranger reads Naruto to sleep, but this can backfire because he gets invested in the story and stays awake. But when they sing... Naruto falls asleep immediately.

There's something about lullabies that make Naruto feel so safe and warm and sleepy.

I like to think that the kind stranger has a really nice voice too.

And this next part may be going too far but I don't care, because I love this headcanon 😤

The kind stranger also sort of ends up adopting the rest of team seven too.

Maybe they get called into the academy because Naruto got into a fight with Sasuke and they realise how isolated and mentally unwell Sasuke is, and they obviously have a penchant for attracting strays, so they start by inviting Sasuke over for dinner as an apology for Naruto's behaviour in the fight.

They phrase it in a way that causes Sasuke' ingrained Uchiha politeness to kick in and begrudgingly accept.

And slowly but steadily, they start to bring Sasuke under their wing, something Naruto is upset about at first, but when they explain it to him how sad Sasuke is, Naruto's bleeding heart and hero complex kicks in and he's on board, bringing extra lunch for Sasuke at school sometimes.

And once Naruto joins team 7, Sasuke is coming over to train more and more often with Naruto, and you make him bring Sakura over too.

And lo and behold, another stray puppy to psuedo adopt. Sakura does have parents of course, but they are quite removed from the shinobi life, and I headcanon that Sakura butts heads with her parents because she doesn't act like a civilian in a lot of ways.

So the kind stranger teaches her about nutrition, getting her off the diet, and shops with her for nice looking but more hardy and flexible clothes for missions.

And last but not least....

Kakashi.

His whole team waxes lyrical about this person.

And he knows who they are of course, he's been on Naruto's protection detail many times. He's never met them in person though, because he always arrives late after they've dropped Naruto off at the training ground.

But eventually he gets curious and accepts a team dinner invitation.

And the kind stranger is like... oooh? What's this? Another stray puppy?? An older one sure, but a stray nonetheless.

So they start operation 'bring Kakashi into the family!'

And because it would be the cutest thing ever, I like to think that Kakashi and the kind stranger fall in love.

Now, it's one hell of a slow burn because of all of Kakashi's issues and the way the plot goes, but the connection is there immediately, and it only continues to grow until Kakashi and the kind stranger get mated after the war.

And Kakashi belongs to a family. Sasuke belongs to a family. Naruto belongs to a family. And Sakura belongs with a family who accepts every part of her.

And you know that Kakashi and the kind stranger look after Naruto, Sasuke and Sakura's pups when they have to work or need a break.

And the kind stranger uses their lovely voice to sing Sasuke to sleep after his nightmares, to calm Kakashi down from panic attacks, the soothe Naruto to sleep and to relax Sakura after a mission.

Just....

Cuteness all round.

(Hope that scratched the young Naruto itch, anon!! <3<3<3)

#naruto hcs #naruto #headcanons #sasuke #young!naruto #kind stranger au #a/b/o #omegaverse #kakashi #sakura #kakashi x reader

[deexchanel]

Vacation

Word Count:

Pairing: Avengers x BlackFem!Reader

Warning: Swearing, A tipsy reader, Fluff maybe?

Summary: the avengers finally have a break off from avenging the world. The first place they go for vacation? Maui Hawaii.

A/N: You guys liking my content means a lot💜💜. when writing one-shots why don't people put oufits? i wanna see wtf i be wearing since im y/n!😂 I got some long faux locs in my hairrr sooo ykk i had to put it in here🙂

Y/N stood in the kitchen pouring coconut rum into a drink that she found a recipe for on google. It was called a mermaid cocktail and it looked like something she could get away with, without any of her family members saying something. "I'm so ready to drink this, it looks so good." She mumbled stirring the rum mixture.

She is 23 years old but the team still treats her like a little kid. As of right now, everyone was taking a nap from their huge lunch. All those missions they work was eventually stressing them out so Y/N took it upon herself to plan a vacation for them. She rented out a huge beach house for them. Best idea everr!!

Seeing the smiles on their face made her feel so content with her main priorities being happy. "What are you making?" Loki's voice said from behind her. Y/N gave him a big toothy grin. "Oh, nothingggg!"

"You're up to no good, I know you are." Loki raised an eyebrow at her turquoise-looking drink. "I'm not going to even ask." He sat down at the island, shaking his head. Y/N could feel something was off with him. She put the pitcher in the refrigerator, then sat beside him in the chair.

"What's wrong?"

"I'm thinking Y/N."

"About? We're on vacation Loki, we can think when we're back at the tower doing boring missions." Y/N stared at his jet black hair, having the urge to run her fingers through it.

"No, you can't touch my hair." Loki knew exactly what she was thinking. Y/N pout her bottom lip, squinting her eyes. "That's not what I was going to do. Anyway, what are you thinking about?"

"I feel out of place. I just know they are still mad with me from the events of New York." Loki buries his face in his hands. "I want to go back to Asgard, I know they'll rather want me there than here."

Y/N removed his hands."What makes you think that Loki? If none of wanted you here then I wouldn't have told you about this trip. " She giggled making him let a small smile creep on his face. "You're right where you belong and if anyone isn't happy about you being here then just know that Thor and I are ecstatic to have you here. I'm glad you came, means a lot to me."

"Means a lot to know that you want me here Y/N." Loki's small smile went to a big one. Y/N slowly moved her hand to his hair. He watched her slow movement in amusement "No Y/N." She huff playfully giving up.

"Fine, I'll try another time but I'm happy that I made you smile. You're way easier than Bucky's serious ass. Now that's out the way, it's hot girl summer so no sadness from no oneee!!" Y/N exaggerated getting out of the chair going back over to the refrigerator. She pulled out that now cold pitcher, chugging down the concoction.

"Did I hear Y/N say something about a hot girl summer?" Steve rubbed his eyes while he walked downstairs. Y/N rubbed her mouth from the leftover drink on her lips. Steve furrowed his eyebrows at the now half-empty pitcher. "What's that?"

"Nothing! Don't even stick your nose in it." Y/N put the pitcher back. Steve looked at Loki who just shrugged his shoulders with confusion still written on his face. Y/N placed a rushed kiss on their cheek so they wouldn't smell the amount of alcohol she just consumed. "I'm going to get ready so we can go to the beach. Steve wake everyone up for me please so we can leave in the next 30 minutes."

"Okay Y/N," Steve replied ready to question her but she was already up the stairs. 20 minutes later Y/N had music blasting from the speakers while she ready. From that consumption of alcohol, it kicked in about 10 minutes after she got ready. She was only tipsy, maybe. Y/N couldn't focus because she kept giggling at everything.

"Damn why is everything so funny!" Y/N said getting mad at herself. Her long black faux locs flowed down her back after she struggled to place them in a high ponytail. Meaning she broke 3 hair ties and gave the hell up.

"Y/N we're waiting on you!" Tony yelled up the stairs but Y/N waved him off. She grabbed her purse, pausing the music. Tripping over her feet a bit, she made her way downstairs. Bucky caught a glimpse and instantly spoke up.

"Oh hell no Y/N. Go change."

She waved him off too, purposely ignoring him. "I'm readyyyy". Tony crossed his arms over his chest.

"Yeah, I'm going to have to agree with Barnes. Y/N that isn't a swimsuit, that's two pieces of cloths."

Thor smiled, "I like it Y/N and since I like it, we can leave." He picked up a beach chair but everyone yelled no in protest except Natasha. Thor rolled his eyes sitting the chair down. Loki moved her hair aside, closing the white and blue shirt that she wore.

"Now you need a hair thingy to keep it close."Y/N smacked his hand away lightly, going over to the kitchen to find some chips. "Y/N why aren't you saying anything?" Bucky followed still upset about her outfit.

"Her outfit is fine guys. Let's go because you guys are over exaggerating." Natasha placed her shades on her face. "I got your back Y/N!"

"It's not fine, she's showing too much," Steve said being overprotective. Still not phased, Y/N nodded her head from the kitchen. " That's why you my bitch, thank you!" Everyone was shocked by her choice of words. Bucky grabbed her waist.

"Y/N are you drunk?"

Y/N giggled,"A lady never drinks, she sipssss." She dragged out the s, kissing his nose. Bucky pressed his lips together, getting his answer.

"Guys she's drunk!"

Groans went around the room. Steve was in realization,"Ohhh so that was what she was drinking when I came downstairs earlier."

------

"And it's hard to keep my cool

When other bitches tryna get with my dude and

When other chickens tryna get in my coop

'Cause you're a one in a million

There ain't no man like you"

Y/N belt out the lyrics to Streets for the 13th time while Bucky held her in his arms while they were in the ocean. They had been at the beach for 30 minutes, and a biker went by playing that song in her speakers. Y/N haven't let go of the song since.

"Y/N if you sing the same lyrics one more time, I swear I'm going to drop you." Bucky scolded while she gripped his shoulder tighter. Y/N placed her head on his chest, the sun was getting rid of her drunkness. She was tired since she didn't take a nap like everyone else plus Bucky's heartbeat and the sound of the oceans was calming her down. "Sorry! It's stuck in my mind."

Steve, Tony, Loki, and Thor played on the beach with water guns. Natasha laid in the sun, getting a tan. Per Y/N's request, Bucky was in the water holding Y/N close. She was surprised that he even agreed to it.

"Bucky?"

"Yes Y/N?"

"I'm tired."

"I figured, let's get you out the water." Bucky turned around to walk back to the shore. Y/N just snuggled more to his chest. "Bucky?"

Bucky’s voice held slight annoyance, thinking she was playing."What is it Y/N?"

"I'm glad you came on this trip, I know this past year had been so hard on you and I thought this trip would help ease your mind. Plus I got to know you better, that’s a bonus.”

“Yeah at first, I didn’t want to come but I couldn’t turn down seeing you in a bikini.” Bucky laughed making Y/N laugh as well hitting his chest lightly. “Bucky!”

“What? I’m being honest. I just rather for only my eyes to see.”

“You’re such a flirt.”

“You going to have to get used to it. But for real though, this trip made me not think about things that's been haunting my mind. Coming on here was the best idea.”

“I’m glad I could help with that.” She tapped his shoulder for him to stop. He placed Y/N on her feet. “I’ve come up with the best plan though.”

Bucky narrowed his eyes, “What’s the plan?”

——

Y/N made herself sink underwater. Bucky waited a couple seconds before putting on his best acting voice. “Guys! Guys! Y/N she’s drowning!” Natasha stood at the shore, looking out at the water in concern. The team wasted no time running in the water.

“What?!?”

“What happened??!?”

“Oh god, Y/N?!”

“Shit!”

Steve was Y/N's victim, he hunched over in her area of the water. Bucky pulled at the ends of his hair keeping the act going. “She was doing alright until I couldn’t hear her anymore.” Y/N lurched up grabbing Steve by the neck, pulling him in the water.

Bucky's face of distress turned into humor. “Steve she got you good!” Both Y/N and Steve appeared out of the water. Y/N was laughing so hard she was clutching her stomach. Loki found it amusing while Tony, Steve, and Thor didn’t.

“That was a good one Y/N.”

“Don’t listen to Loki Y/N. You had us worried!”Thor huffed and Steve nodded his head in agreement.

“Yeah! I thought something really happened to you.”

“I’m sorry guys.” Y/N snorted trying to contain her laughter. “It’s not my fault, it’s Bucky. He came up with the idea. You guys should’ve seen Steve’s face when I came out of the water.”

Steve mocked her laugh, “Ha Ha Ha. It’s not funny.” Bucky held his hand in defense trying not to laugh as well. “It’s not mine! This was all her idea.”

“Capsicle is right, it’s not funny. Don’t scare me like that again.” Tony scolded her, he held out his arms. “Now come give me a hug so I can feel better.” Y/N gave him a hug, that humorous smile not leaving her face. When she tried to pull away, Tony held a grip. She realized.

“TONY!”

He laughed leaning forward and they both fell in the water. Soon it turned into a big splashing war between everyone, they were having so much fun.

————————-

At 7:28 p.m. both Y/N and Bucky walked back to the beach for dinner. The restaurant they chose for tonight’s dinner was there. Since Y/N is over the planning for the vacation and Bucky is attached to her hip, they were at dinner first.

“I know the wait is going to be minute so sit down while I talk to the hostess.” She reassured him. Bucky looked at her kind of worried because he wasn’t comfortable with crowds yet. She squeezed his hand, “You’re okay.”

Bucky nodded his head reluctantly. Y/N walked off to make sure this restaurant gave them a private table away from the crowd, preferably on the beach. After about 10 minutes of talking, something just told her to turn around. It was some woman that looked around Y/N’s age steadily talking to Bucky even though he looked so uncomfortable.

“Hold on one sec.” Y/N held a finger-walking away, not even waiting on the hostess's response. Y/N quiet appearance kinda scared them both. “Excuse me. Hi!”

The woman looked at Y/N with attitude. “Um, why are you speaking to me?”

Y/N took a deep breath to calm down. “ I’m speaking to you because you’re talking to my boyfriend and you obviously see him uncomfortable.” It was for the sake of the moment. Bucky and Y/N aren’t together, just a few flirts here and there. But since Y/N knew this bitch couldn’t take a hint she said, boyfriend.

“You might have him confused for”

Y/N cut her off, “No I don’t have him confused for no one. That’s my boyfriend so get your desperate ass out of his face before I embarrass you in front of everyone. We don’t want that do we? Now walk away miss.”

The woman turned her nose up walking away without saying another word. Once she was out of sight, Bucky visibly relaxed. “Thank you so much Y/N. She wouldn’t stop talking and my a-anxiety was getting bad because I didn’t know her and...” He shook his leg. Y/N sat beside him giving him a hug.

“Hey hey calm down, it’s okay now. I could see she made you uncomfortable. I wasn’t going to stand there and let her continue to do that.”

“Thank you Y/N.”

“Anything for you Bucky.” Y/N kissed his forehead then she stood up, holding out her hand. “Now let’s go get this table because I did cut the hostess off coming to help you.”

Bucky laughed grabbing her hand. As they walked back over to the stand, realization hit Bucky. He smirked.

“So I’m your boyfriend now?”

Y/N rolled her eyes playfully, “No Bucky, it was in the heat of the moment.”

“What if I was to ask you out?”

“In your dreams Bucky.”

————

This took longer to write then what it supposed to be.

Hope you guys like it 🥰, I was trying to include a Loki moment because I’m starting to like him more.

Stay slutty my friendsss!

#marvel #bucky barnes fluff #captain america #bucky barnes #bucky imagine #bucky fanfic #steve rogers fanfiction #bucky barnes one shot #bucky x poc!reader #bucky barnes x black!reader #loki (marvel) #loki laufeyson #natasha romanoff #loki x black!reader #thor x black!reader #tony stark x black!reader #steve rogers x poc!reader #loki x you

[finexbright]

YELLOW METAL - ZAYN

Posting the lyrics as a text post because it's much easier than screenshots and it helps with image ID as well.

ALL CREDITS GO TO @25Goldenn ON TWITTER.

(i'm only posting for my reference sake)

[after like the 10th minute, it’s me who has made an attempt to transcibe it]

0:46 - 1:00

And I thought right, it's all bark and no bite, I'm tony stark embarking on a dream, took a bit of time to take darkness from the team. Seen what I seen. Heart left on the sleeve. Tried to burn my wings, so I put them on a peice on my chest , at peace.

1:00

Flipped it on it's head. Gripped the script up now,flipped it don't you think. Fakers all around me, I've been living in pretense. Fake friends , won't make amends. There's no need for these mean comments to implore the scenes. Attentionseekers, the spine is weakened

1:15-1:24

What a family needs, and the planet bleeds, the damaged trees. It's never leaving to a real sense so fuck the fence, and until it starts peeling colour it's fuck the fence.

1:22 -

You must be off it, I mean it , you know you ain't never get with the judging and I used to dread growing up, and too long I never felt like I belonged, but still long like a  minute I ain't looking for no one

1:41-  1: 48

Kicking the game I'm serving, they're never learning, my fire is forever burning, adding it to my fuel, seems like I'm always focused on never becoming you.

1:52-1:57

I'm seeing my new beginnings, watch out this loser's winning, and no water is too deep to swim in.. Like im a .. killing , I'm all the way that and living/ limit.

2:07-:2:20

Running your jaw, stunting, pulling at straws, something  I think you're a poor effort, tone deaf and I ain't treat you separate. Living, I'm in my element, riding it like a ... never lose  me to fentanyl, scared when I take a benadryl. Keeping it green in general

2:20- 2:33

Think that you remain irrelevant. Look at yourself with reverance, hoping to always elevate. Celibate of these thoughts, killing themselves with sedatives. In comparison to (eminem?), you're feeling feminine. Impolitically correct, still dropping on my ----

2:33-2:43

And I never gave a fuck about what they say abt my shit, I've been moving things in my mind like it's a ... Memories has made me wander if I'm the me being after you. What's the purpose that you do, I see you're walking up your line.

2:46 -2:55

I'm looking at my life, saying what do I deserve. It's hard to say I know when I'm walking through the dirt. Talking ... nothing I can see for what it's worth. I'm tired of feeling hurt and I've tried enough but nothing works.

4:00-4:12

Just a.. with a cigarette, sun coming up, write my thoughts on the internet. Feeling deep, I'm .. with the silhouette ... get fucked up for the thrill of it .

4:50-5:00

On the top floor,  cloud 9, fading, never bailing, felt amazing, inhaling, til my lungs .. , two guns blazing. Overcome all the stunts that I pulled

5:02- 5:12

This life it don't give you no armour, alot of myself can harm me. I swear on what's good, that I'm here til they take me. I pray that I'm wrinkled, at least over 80, started moving like a ...'

5:36- 5:45

Grab a bat, lose my rag. Couple things got me mad, couple people got me wrong and now I'm changing up the swag. Coming in and stealing it, I might take the whole bag.

5:45 - 5:55

Feeling undefeated, I'm the beast with the beasts, and imma lead the whole pack. Fearless like I'm Caesar, I'm just waiting for a chance to fill it up with diesel, and all I've been achieving clocking miles in it's region, moving like a legion.

5:55-6:06

Promise that I made to myself an allegiance. Do you still believe I'm a fool for ever leaving, staring at the ceiling, can never put a cap on achieving. I'm just here for the rap, then I'm leaving.

6:06- 6:17

I've had about enough of being my own enemy, it's time to .. moved up a long way from 17. Always went against the grain, struggled tin my life. Got some things to say when I stand up on a mike.

6:17- 6:21

I ain't dropping this for fame, I need this time, like therapy, it's just to keep me sane. The truth is on my medicine, can't put that on your plate.

6:25-6:33

Speeding into everything, bout time I fixed the brakes. Don't say I can't communicate , you know I conversate with you in several different ways. And i know you know it's reverences , looking at your face.

6:33- 6:40

Can't justify mistakes, like every man that made them, seems I am the one to blame. Lying to myself, only had so much to gain, so now I'm switching up the ...

6:46-  6:54

Confused, I can feel it all . I'm here to make a change. It's cold at 3am outside , I'm walking with your dog, thanking god that you don't talk at all, my mind is switching off

6:54-7:04

Driving down to find myself , cuz I've been getting lost. ...Lessons that I've learned I've tried teach it to myself. What I've learnt from certain people is that they're better than myself.

7:04-7:12

So I surround myself with real ones, and you feel the plastic melt. That burning toy soldiers that used to go up  on the shelf. Recycle the ideas, conveying on the belt

7:20-7:29

Tired of only hoping, we feel the ... come in. Gravity is the .. It kept us to the ground, see the only people speaking til they are favoured in amounts

7:46-48

eating clouds cuz my smokes thicker - z

7:54-56

I thought my city was shit bcs I want bigger

8:09-11

Feeling trapped this industry is a cage

8:34-8:42

Nobody's speaking the truth, I'm offended by the Sate. Look at the state of the news, I've decided the argument, decided my views, while they been sat in their chairs, I'm feeling pressured to choose.

8:42-8:50

Standing here as one man, how can I do half when your half the person I am. If it wasn't in your life, you didn't choose it. It's the funny thing about music. It's the pain and beauty of it.

8:52-58

Don't give a fuck what my suit is, it looks good so I wear it, better than the shoot that People's wearing ....

Been facing the racists back when i was a kid .born up in in 93'. been living it rough..kicked me out of the schools, they had a problem with me and the kids that would call me paki still sit in the classroom chilling, and now that I'm older I see they treat us different

got me thinking I was the problem cuz they never dealt with those issues. 20 years later I'm still in the same boat.

9:15-9:25

20 years later I'm still in the same boat, tryna treat me like my grandpa, say I came up off the boat. Came to tell you what I stand for, man I think this shit's a joke. How can I be civil, when they got me by the throat

9:25-9:35

Pushing my feelings down, you ain't got it like ...

'Boy your skin is so light', ok motherfucker take my name up on a flight. Try to convince immigration that your bloodline's half white.

9:35-9:45

I don't know how that's acceptable, when life is more susceptible to perception, be the death of them. I've been looking at the sky saying where's the day of reckoning, you had your prophets right when they say that you will speak to them.

9:45-9:55

I needed justice in this life and I trust that it's my fight, cuz when I'm writing it feel right to have them focused on the facts again. Focused on the rap again, hoping for the change, gunna put this on the map again

9:55-10:03

Writing in all caps again, the pain it goes through me so I write the letter. All the shit that could have brought me (down) but made me better.

10:05-10:16

I'm at home with a pain in my soul , yeh rap (distorted).. cuz you know I been to real to contest it, my time was invested. Now I look at the industry, I see it infested, looking like kids who would ... nesquik.

10:17-10:19

My name ain't on the list unless the label it ethnic.

10:19-

I ain't never gave a fuck about these jokers and jesters. Ain't one for those things, so just save us the questions... man..allowed of violence, cuz my silence is deafening, your opinion stinks, somebody get 'em a breathmint.

10:29- 10:42

Start to understand why they think that I'm threatening, I move in certain ways, couldn't slow me with ... Now they all wanna hear me go a table at letterman. Direction changed, like I changed up the lettering. Don't believe the .. ,bcs I move like a veteran.

10;42 - 10:47

Raised on the benefit for whose benefit, they'll never learn shit, man, if the shoe fits.

10:54 -11:00

And to be honest, it's insulting, offensive to my wounds that have been salted. Tryna ask me questions that they know I never answer. I'd rather sit online and reply to the fan art

11:00-11:06

Fuck a sports car, coming through when I ...

'What I like, farm life and the tractor'

11:06- 11:17

Fake life, 'sup online, suck a fat one. You don't wanna buy into that, none of that son. Sitting in the garden at night in the 98' in the ...  seen some hot summers but I still remember that sun.

[So the Twitter person stopped it, so I just slowed the audio and started writing whatever i heard. So all faults are mine from this point on.]

(An old recording plays)

Cause I know few millions still living that way

Dealing with the work

They should know cause they don't deserve

It hit peak cause i hit the nerve

Only way that they should learn cause they shoot firm

In my ways I don't wanna change, everything just stay the same

We trynna fuck these ......

The lights dim so get the chum (?)

Why these men be nice to my face i ain't trynna be a gangsta ruins my vibe

Rather be low-key and on my phone

Never need the trophy or the short piece

Never show peace in all face fleas (?)

Show kids this like i wrote my flip

Cause the sign might fit till the start i'm sick

Now you see where i come from ... Only achievement in this life is ... And petty crimes....that we can't afford

So I stole it, the rolex

Go make sense, get yourself a job

A poor man's game trynna sit and protect god (?)

And now you've problems you gotta solve them

Used to settle tables now i'm writing on myself

Cause we all like animals we just need some help

Caught my eyes, put my heart in

For the knowledge i'm not charging see I got it all free

....like i'm saying it for the feed

Need a reason see me bleeding for my creed

Suck you with the words that I keep em up my sleeve

Picking where I fit, I see me sitting with the plead (?)

I ain't doing all this, used to saying please

Let me flow up, be stinging with the bees

They trynna kill us when they see us

(Music)

Why does it feel like they had the same notebook

And the same far looks

Something in the way i adjust till i stick

Free falling like the ship, free falling till i burst

Remember 21 brother gave me no fucks

Trying to project when they give me the looks

In the projects, in the objects

In my own way, never give me love, shoulda never started this, broken hearted kid

Dried up the feeling till i stole the..

Don't wanna relish in the pain but I can't resist

(Music)

[EDIT : UPDATED]

YELLOW METAL - ZAYN (CONTD) (all of this is done by me)

(Zayn vocalising)

Hand on the stick, be a billionaire

Trynna lead the lead the way, been selling out since..

All rhymes are for the readers between the lines

Till they get their connotation, tell them lived your life

And then i lived a life adjusting.....

On my own spaceship, trynna find greatness

Stuck in fine lines, i'm fighting in my prime

Aging like i'm wine, aging in my face

But still my words can't be defined

Start something sick and on my mind what's next

Just picking all the...and i'm taking my cheques

But I know I'm staying and I need pain like it's fucking death

Imma get it if it's taking my breath

Break down, sweating around, i ain't messing till I'm the best

Speaking in coded sentences

You shoulda thought about a strategy before you went up the stratosphere

But i guess...

You could use some practice...till you get the blackness

There's nothing like zealous tactics, fooling em like all like catfish

And I'm like a legend, I get to be the roughest

And I'll like iridescent leaving em all guessing

Making up my ... All year parked near a nixon (?)

Shining like a star you could see it from a distance

.....me i'm brown Paki, i'm the most different

Certain stages to this level ain't it because i fared this to the devil to collect...

Imma get all cleaned up like I'm the devil i'm the mountain..

Sight smart like a weapon, this is my kinda setting

I write the word I'm starting...

The food is right for the taking, i think i might

(Zayn vocalising)

Eccentric things i mention like a kid stuck in detention

Trynna escape, I'm just spitting what is written on the next page

Spitting image of my daddy since young days

Born sinner and I'm living like fucks sake

And I'm running, too cunning with no plumbing waterworks that sung something that resonate

I thought it first like giving birth....

They see me doing and they know it won't work

Don't know what's worst the way that you life your life or the way that you write a verse

Should be nervous, you don't deserve it what scratch the surface

I leave a crib and they lift the dirt up to find the hurting

Tryna be a better person than what the world deserve to see

Cause I see a lot of sharks still swimming in the sea

Seeks an arrest, What's the reason is theft

are these the kinda kids that we're bringing up next?

Distorted reality of the needy family.... to see the damages

(Zayn vocalising)

[this is till min 17:40]

(Zayn vocalising - I don't wanna be a part of this)

Sometimes they ask the questions ... Form a sentence...

To this form is distant norm

Is this the sentence, i feel defenceless

I played the setlist and all my blood sweat and tears they forgot to mention

Feeling loss going off into different sections

I feel like love wrecked it

If it's my drug why am I waiting for the next fix?

Affected, can't believe that you left this

I guess I leave with the best wish, moving on like next I'm fighting for the ledges (?)

You see all of the facts are true

Cause if we're falling down we're falling down together the staircase

To have it ripped down the middle like it happened

Mind fried, but talking sense

They ain't got a sense in them...

Need to spell it out for them big kids

... witness, i know you feel affected but you always love it..

While I'm laughing at ..... laughing with me

They don't fit me, my body fraught from this new to old city, I'm sick of sitting on my own, feeling so shitty

I've been abroad to the west coast..

It's okay, to be yourself, sitting talking to myself

I've been walking for the longest just need a little rest

No I ain't the strongest, I can feel it in my chest

Talking about my feelings in the need to get the best

They leave and see me breathing in my breath

Till death do us part it's just seeded in my heart like a work of art

Never winning, I'm just scarred....from the start

Do I play a part in the rhythm of the night

I guess I'm onto something cuz the talks feeling right ,

Every cloud got a lining

Like Morales, figured that they jealous that they could never tell us to change because the weather never made me question... whether or not I'm at that level

Got rid of all the bullshit sitting in my way

Most of my ...  I see it everyday

Are you hearing the same things that I do

Maybe the shit's hitting like haiku

How much did you pay them to hype you

Recycling your flaws but they ain't liking you

Leaving in conceded and full of diesel like engines they need ....the ending will be revealing

[there's still four mins left if anyone wants to finish this]

#yellow metal #lyrics

[pndnj]

Cathartic- Yellow Metal Lyrics

Heres where I am with the lyrics, I referenced @25Goldenn on twitter for some of it that I couldn’t comprehend. 

*music*

0:23

Dark matter, like painted splatters, they fit better, the old saying, the way it goes, better the devil you do then you don’t know. I hit pedals and switch levers, my heart metal, I can't settle, im part trouble, they are not subtle. I fuck good so fuck cuddles, burst bubbles the thrist levels at new heights, i down doubles, and got baked til I felt high, my face puzzled, felt muddled, far strung and your floors woodent, the thought might but the fit wouldn’t. A fortnight

0:46 - 1:00

And I thought right, it’s all bark and no bite, I’m Tony Stark still embarking on a dream, took a bit of time to take darkness from the team. Seen what I saw. Heartless on the sleeve. Tried to burn my wings, so I put them in a piece on my chest , at peace no rest.

1:00-1:15

Flipped this on it’s head. Rip the script up now, flip it don’t pretend, slipping shit again, Fakers all around me, I’ve been living in pretense. Fake friends won’t make amends. There’s no need, these mean comments control the scenes. Attentionseekers, the spine is weakened

1:15-1:24

This family needs, what a family needs, and the planet bleeds, the damaged trees. It’s never leaving til we ascend so fuck the fence, and until they stop killing colour it’s fuck the feds.

1:22 - 1:44

You must be off it, I mean it, you know you ain’t never get with the judging and I used to dread growing my beard too long, never felt I belonged, but it's really long like a minute I ain’t looking to no mans for the limits, They’re feeling timid, I’m telling them who they mimic, why they don't look like a clinic …. Why they don't get no women, Still, we’re just fucking girls, Lost in the wrong world, Jurassic, now to this vermin

1:41-  1: 50

Kicking the game I’m serving, these losers are never learning, my fire is forever burning, adding it to my fuel, seems like I’m always focused on never becoming you, These locals that rob us feeling … was for a reason.

1:52-2:02

I’m seeing my new beginnings, watch out this loser’s winning, and no water is too deep to swim in Like I’m about to see a killing, I’m all the way that and living, flawless and feeling lawless, the prison now to the gimmicks, my vision is set to something,

2:03-:2:20

I’m watching you bitches plummet, no matches here for my cunning, you rappers are feeling done in, switching your genre, running and Running your jaw, stunting, pulling at straws, something  I think you’re a poor effort, deaf and tone deaf and I ain’t treat you separate. Living, I’m in my element, riding it like a … never lose me to fentanyl, scared when I take a benadryl. Keeping it green in general

2:20- 2:46

Think that you remain irrelevant. Look at yourself with reverence, hoping to always elevate. Celibate of these thoughts, killing themselves with sedatives. In comparison to eminem, you’re feeling feminine. Impolitically correct, still dropping on my dick. And I never gave a fuck about what they say abt my shit, I’ve been moving things in my mind like it’s this mountain dew Memories have made me wonder if one day I’m after you. What’s the purpose that you do, is what you're hoping that they learn, i’d like to say i’m done but it’s getting up on my nerves

2:46 -2:55

I’m looking at my life, saying what do I deserve. It’s hard to say I know when I’m walking through the dirt. Talking while you’re nothing I can see for what it’s worth. I’m tired of feeling hurt and I’ve tried enough but nothing works.

2:55-3:40

I’m racking up excuses while I’m slacking off on work. Chit chatting is the usual, talking to this clerk, i beg you don’t include me. I might write it on my shirt so everytime they see me, the oldest know to swerve. SWERVE Life is potent, bits of fucked shit… till they took notice weren’t  no hocus pocus, it was hard work that got me heard so i put in the graph like google maps but the whole earth

… around my door mat, taking over like the drones, rolling dirt up in miles like the water, and exploding like Annas hematoma. Don't need to see a slammer to know that I don't want to go man

I’m a showman. I’m just focused on the drama… like i’ve got my own insurance, show myself the pain, like i boxed it in the frame, if we’re about to talk greatness im great, the way you have to say my name like beyonce

“Say my name”

4:00-4:46

Just a bum with a cigarette, sun coming up, all my thoughts on the internet. Feeling deep, I’m just bored with the silhouette single sec,  get fucked up for the thrill of it . killer streak playing Pacman. Like I came from the Philippines vanilla bean still a thing for the thrill of scene,

Theres a beam, UFO, Leave it well alone  I aint moving, stood still on the peloton, telephone and its always on the dial tone,  it's been a while since i’ve smiled at a milestone, seen a big pile in my mind stone, me against the world on my Jack Jones, Like I’m John Jones, With pictures in the condo, far from John Doe, in the ___, like I'm Johnny Bravo, got pravado, with a small dick sitting in golados, feeling far gone, cuz that last hit was the good shit, was that stay lit

4:48-5:02

You can never take my shit come and get me. On the top floor,  cloud 9, fading, never bailing, felt amazing, inhaling, til my lungs two guns blazing. Overcome all the stunts that I pulled. A suit of just skin and then wool

5:02- 5:17

This life doesn’t give you no armour, a lot of myself can harm ya. I swear on what’s good, that I’m here till they take me. I pray that I’m wrinkled, at least over 80, and start moving like a ruler, ?damaged? Like a computer going fast, bars from the jeweler, bring the songs to the beach in hopes of finding tuna

5:18-5:36

…

5:36- 6:16

Grab a bat, lose my rag. Couple things got me mad, a couple people got me wrong and now I’m changing up the swag. Coming in and stealing it, I might take the whole bag. Feeling undefeated, I’m a beast with a reason, and imma lead the whole pack. Fearless like I’m Caesar, I’m just waiting for a chance to fill it up with diesel, and all I've been achieving is clocking miles in its region, moving like a legion.

Promise that I made to myself an allegiance. Do you still believe I’m a fool for ever leaving, staring at the ceiling, can never put a cap on achieving. I’m just here for the rap, then I’m leaving.

I’ve had about enough of being my own enemy, it’s time I grew up,  a long way from 17. Always went against the grain, struggles in my life. Got some things to say when I stand up on a mike.

6:16-6:32

I ain’t dropping this for fame, I need this time, like therapy, it’s just to keep me sane. The truth is on my medicine, can’t put that on your plate.

Speeding into everything, bout time I fixed the brakes. Don’t say I can’t communicate , you know I conversate with you in several different ways. And I know you know it’s references, looking at your face.

6:33- 6:53

Can’t justify mistakes, like every man that made them, seems I ain't  the one to blame. Lying to myself, only had so much to gain, so now I’m switching up the plate, see if that affects the place, im at on most days

I ain’t going with the usual so they looking at me strange. Confused, I can feel it all,  I’m here to make a change. It’s cold at 3am outside, I’m walking with the dog, thanking god that you don’t talk at all, my mind is switching off

6:54-7:12

Driving down to find myself, cuz I’ve been getting lost, lived this selfless life and found I can give a toss. Lessons that I’ve learned I’ve tried teaching to myself. What I’ve learnt from certain people is that they’re better than myself.

So I surround myself with real ones, and you feel the plastic melt. Like burning toy soldiers that used to go up on the shelf. Recycle the ideas, conveying on the belt

7:14-7:29

.. circus, always hurting the way we felt? Embarrassed that we dreamt of bigger things and letting go of notions till we feel them in cement

Tired of only hoping, we feel broken men. Cuz the gravity is weight and has kept us to the ground, see the only people speaking with favors in their mouths

7:46-7:58

Got killer rhymes… no fillers, like godzilla, eating clouds cuz my smokes thicker, throat licker, my dope sicker, bringing people their hope like im the pope slicker,  i hope you’re getting the point cuz i walk quicker

I thought my city was shit bcs I want bigger like my zipper couldn’t zip up fed up with the…my love is fickle.. Residual age has a primitive face

I see demise for your limited ways, Left it to simmer, simmer away…a fake glimmer in the haze

8:09-8:11

Feeling trapped this industry is a cage

8:34-8:50

Nobody’s speaking the truth, I’m offended by the State. Look at the state of the news, I’ve decided the argument, reciting my views, while they’ve been sat in their chairs, I’m feeling pressure to choose.

Standing here as one man, how can I do half when you’re half the person I am. If it wasn’t in your life, you didn’t choose it. It’s the funny thing about music. It’s the pain and beauty of it.

8:52-9:11

Don’t give a fuck what my suit is, it looks good so I wear it, better than the shoot that People’s wearing, changing the whole narrative for these basics and scarcity

Been facing the racists from back when i were a kiddie .born up in in 93’. been living in Bradford City..kicked me out of the schools, they had a problem with me hitting the kids that would call me p*** still sitting in the classroom chilling, and i'm angry now that I’m older I see they treat us different

9:12-9:25

got me thinking I’m the problem cuz they never dealt with those issues.

20 years later I’m still in the same boat, tryna treat me like my grandpa, say I came up off the boat. Came to tell you what I stand for, man I think you’re shit, a joke. How can I be civil, when they got me by the throat

9:25-9:35

Pushing my feelings down, you ain’t got it like them

‘Boy your skin is so light’, ok motherfucker take my name up on a flight. Try to convince immigration that your bloodline’s half white.

9:35-9:45

I don’t know how that’s acceptable, when life is more susceptible to perception, be the death of them. I’ve been looking at the sky saying where’s that day of reckoning, you had your prophets right when they say that you would speak to them.

9:45-9:55

I need justice in this life and I trust that it’s my fight, cuz when I’m writing it feels right to have them focused on the facts again. Focused on the rap again, hoping for the change, gunna put this on the map again

9:55-10:16

Writing in all caps again, the pain, it goes through me so I write the letter. All the shit that could have brought me but made me better.

I’m at home with a pain in my soul , yeh rap… cuz you know I was too real to contest it, my time was invested. Now I look at the industry, I see it infested, looking like kids who would write on nesquik.

10:17-10:29

My name ain’t on the list unless they label it ethnic.

I ain’t never gave a fuck about these jokers and jesters. Ain’t no answers for these things, so just save us the questions, man allowed of violence, cuz my silence is deafening, your opinion stinks, somebody get him a breath mint.

10:30- 10:42

Start to understand why they think that I’m threatening, I move in certain ways, couldn’t slow me with ketamine Now they all wanna hear me, got a table at letterman. Direction changed, like I changed up the lettering. Don’t believe the age ,bcs I move like a veteran.

10:42 - 10:47

Raised on the benefit for whose benefit, they’ll never learn shit, man, if the shoe fits.

…no words coming out when you open your mouth

And to be honest, it’s insulting, offensive to my wounds that have been salting. Tryna ask me questions that they know I never answer. I’d rather sit online and reply to the fan art

11:00-11:06

Fuck a sports car, coming through when i rapped

tell you what I like, farm life and the tractor

11:06- 11:17

Fake life, 'sup online, suck a fat one. You don’t wanna buy into that, none of that son. Sitting in the garden 98’ in the Datsun,  seen some hot summers but I still remember that sun.

*music*

11:51- 12:34

I make millions off of my pain, cause I know a few millions still living that way

Dealing with the hurt, they should know cause they don’t deserve it, it hit deep cause i hit the nerve. Only way that the sheep learn if the street firm, in my ways I don’t wanna change, everything just stay the same

Who you tryna convince you understand, cant maintain, let the lights dim some,  get the Chow Mein, flex, get the tape, right up at night

Why these men be nice to my face, be nice,  i ain’t tryna be a gangsta ruins my vibe

Rather be low-key and on my phone. Never need the trophy or the show piece

Never show peace in a North Face fleece. Show kids this like i wrote my flip

Cause the sign might fit till the start i’m sick

12:37-13:05

Now you see where I come from, the world don’t. Only achievement in this life is the Jordans. Committing petty crimes out of boredom, we can’t afford them. So I stole it, need a rolex

Go make sense, get yourself a job, It’s a poor man’s game tryna sit and pray to god, he ain’t sorting out your problems, gotta sort them out yourself

Used to tell us fables, now I’m writing them myself, Cause we raw like animals we all just need some help

Cathartic, I’m an artist, trying to put my heart in

Felt double crossed like Leo in Departed

13:05- 13:27

For the knowledge i’m not charging see I got it all free

But my hunger kept me starving like i’m feening for the feed

I just Need a reason to see me bleeding for my creed. Trick you with the words like I keep em up my sleeve. Picking where I fit, I see me sitting with the queen

I ain’t doing it unless you’re used to saying please

Let me flow a bit, before I sting 'em with the bees, They tryna kill us with disease

(Music)

13:34- 14:12

Why does it feel like they had the same notebook and the same four looks

Like the rain won't touch on their face, so sus when they lie don’t trust not a minor

Please no fuss, I just move through the game like must

Something in the way i adjust till i stick, Free falling like the ship, free fall till i bust

Remember 21 brother gave no fucks. Trying to project when they give them looks

In the projects, in the objects us

In my own way, never gave me love, shoulda never started this, broken hearted kid

Dried up the feeling till I stole the lid

Don’t wanna relish in the fame but I can’t resist

14:46-14:58

I like the way we feel, I like the way, I like the way

Ain’t no mistake, i am a being

I ain’t tryna be a leader, been selling out since Jesus

All my rhymes are for the readers, between the lines, like Father time, I fuck Mother Nature

14:58-15:40

That’s what they get, the connotations. Tell 'em I lived a life, and then I lived a life of adjacent? like its…. and played it patient.

Alone on my own spaceship, always tryna find greatness, still defying lines, but I’m fighting in my prime.

Shining light like Kylo while imma kill it all the time. Aging like I’m wine

Asian in my face, but still my race you can’t define. Focused on defiance, imma fight it while it’s life.

Started something sick and on my mind is what’s next, just became a dad so now I’m taking all the cheques. Better know I’m staying and paying like it’s debt. Imma get it done, if it’s taking all my breath, sweat, and down I ain’t messing around til I’m the best

Speaking in full sentences, shoulda thought about a strategy before you went at the stratosphere about this… rings around Saturn, this ain’t a battle, I’m sat, I’m here

15:40-16:22

Catch me doing magic, hired and sounding tragic I think you could use practice and until that you get the blacklist and pull like a … actress? Fooling them like a catfish, schooling like a legend, happy to be the reference, fusing like iridescence, leaving them all guessing, leaking out of my brain like a pipe I aint fixing, shining like a star you can see it from a distance

Aint many of me around p*** I’m just different Certain stages to this level aint here because fame is to the devil fuck a label, imma do this from the ghetto, clean up like Im Dettol

I’m the man to put a bet on, sight smart like a weapon,  this is my kind of setting, i write the world I’m sat in, while these others live on hype, i see them fight in how they type, the fruit is ripe for the taking, i think i might

16:22-16:57

Let me take you away from here, Let me take you away from here, Let me take you away from here

16:58- 17:47

Eccentric things are mentioned like a kid stuck in detention tryna escape im just spitting what is written on the next page, spitting image of my dad in his young days

Born sinner when i’m livid i say fucks sake

Don’t worry i’m too cunning with no plumbing, the waterworks, i sung something that resonates, i thought it first like giving birth to the parrot perch

They see me do it and they know it works

Don’t know what’s worse: the way that you live your life or the way that you write a verse

You’ll be nervous, you don’t deserve it we’ll scratch the surface ill leave a crater, lift the dirt up to find the hurting

Can’t know for certain nothing is guaranteed, tryna be a better person than the world deserves to see cuz i see a lot of sharks still swimming in the sea

Cease and arrest what’s the reason.. And these the kinda kids we bringing up next

Distorted reality, all they needed was family, too hard to face, to see what the damage is

17:47

*i don’t wanna be, i don’t wanna be, a part of this, no, i don’t wanna be, i don’t wanna be, a part of this, *

18:04-18:38

Sometimes they ask the questions too deep to form a sentence, to disform, is this the norm, is this the sentence i feel defenseless i played the setlist, and all my sweat blood and tears, forgot to mention feeling lost, going off into different sections i feel like love wrecked it

If it’s not a drug why am i waiting for the next fix, affected, i cant believe that you left this

I guess I leave for the best wish, moving on like im fine for the lectures

We see it all from spectrums, cuz if we’re falling down we can fall down together

Staircase to heaven, mirror down the middle like 11, resentment on one side it won’t settle

18:38- 19:14

Mind fried but taking sense, they aint got a sense of themselves in the rich ends

Need to spell it out for them.. Made for them so witness

I know you feel afflicted but you always love it with me while im laughing at you, ya think you’re laughing with me

I try to (i love you) but im grown so they don’t fit me, my body thrown from the new to this old city so Im sick of sitting on my own, feeling so shitty, i’ve been on roads where its cold and the snow hitting

Its okay to be yourself, sit and talking to myself

I’ve been walking for the longest, just need a little rest, know i ain’t the strongest, I can feel it in my chest, talking about my feelings and of me, they get the best

19:14-19:59

They aint leaving, seeing breathing in my breath

Till death do us part is just seeded in my heart, like a work of art

Never winning,im just scared

Cant begin from the start, do i play a part in the rhythm of the night

I guess i’m onto something cuz the dark is feeling right

Every cloud got a lining, put my own miles  in, like moralis, figured that they’re jealous, that they could just never tell us to change because the weather never made me question whether or not i’m not that level

Got rid of all the bullshit sitting in my way, most of them are full of shit i see it every day

I do hearing the same things that i do, maybe that shits hitting like haiku

How much do you pay for them to hype you

Recycle your flaws but they aint like new, leaving and conceded and full of diesel like engines that need a cleaning, the ending will be revealing. Even though we ain’t raising the facts, now we been facing.

20:01-20:52

The cactus with spikes, needing spaces. Different faces, the same story. A full body like straight body direct to your system.

Could never tell 'em we missed’ em. Not even with the thoughts, we gift them. Cuz they just take advantage, guess we are caught in a system.

My soul pouring out details of borrowed time, had enough of a fill, this is for sorrow time. I’m seeing visions of Heaven, I seen the severed line, between the gospel they speak and when theyre telling lies.

Remember telling a friend of mine, you’d sent of mine, identified like a 3rd eye. Got a habit of knowing now where the dirt lies. So benign. I ain’t sober after 9, so I fuck their minds. Why you flipping out, see another

Try to rep it from the city, fuck a chiller crew, repping for the nittys, trying to keep us down, raised on the social, don’t want to let us out of the system. Me, I insist we assist them, me alone putting shifts til I lift them

20:53-21:12

I know it’s hard, that’s why I like it, I’m fit to fight it, I’m from the North, I’m backing Tyson, it’s been decided, don’t see no light. They needing guiding, just redefining, realizing, I’m realigning, in full finance, they stay silenced.

Can’t be louder, I’m juiced up with no powder. I fix shit like a slick spanner. Gone green like Bruce Banner. So free Gaza on my banner

21:12-21:51

The real McCoy, I ain’t nothing to toy with, signifying peace like a Japanese Koi Fish. How did this happen, we’re moving backwards in our timeline, killing us with cyanide, Right up for the freedom 'til we transform like Ironhide

This is bout my feelings, the way that I move affects the fate that I’m sealing. Can’t say nothing, with that something being on the page, kept inside the pen like the bars that have been kept caged. See I always had a plan, since I was young, we had nothing man

Now it’s been a few years since I ain’t seen the fam, on foreign lands. Bout to climb Everest in the avalanche. Right into the riddles as soon as you were born. Never asking the question cuz it’s the norm. See I’m in a questionin’ session

21:52-22:03

Like the manner got a method to teaching a lesson, listen to MF Doom, he taught me like Ra’s Al Ghul. Felt like living in Gotham, the people were rotten. Still we play cartoons so it’s never forgotten.

22:03-22:15

Chilling at the top but we came from the bottom. Writing and jottin for them life by, spotting the difference

*Dreams, was growing out of me, sun promising that tomorrow it will rise, time playing games with my mind, I swear it will pass us by

Train goes on the tracks, smoke, I’m tired to hide my thoughts, so blinded in flames, Don’t know where we’re going, I have no way of knowing, only see what’s in my head

Can’t we wait a minute, so we can savour this, It’s on my brain again, these days, It on my brain again these days”

23:10-23:46

They’re hating on Palestine ways, The oh no Palace playing Prince on the Steinway, Sending out mind waves, stop them like crimewaves, Freedom fighter, Yellow Metal is my name

Like vipers, I see the sly ones, the snake that’s called Biden, none of them abiding what they might put in writing

We should be used to it by now, say whatever for the vote and then just choose another route, say they’d never kill another unless that brother’s skin is brown

I’m just telling you the facts, if you can’t take it, the truth naked, to bare bones and my thoughts lately, spitting politics.. Done ain’t it, Shit just gets me vexed, and now I’m sitting that I think of it

23:45-23:59

Feeling on the brink of it, whatever it is, Figure out some shit at least it feels that way

talk about my feelings and I don’t feel so strange, finding solace, that’s a promise, in Metropolis but being honest, can’t write a sonnet, without some pain

24:00-24:40

Can’t fade away, away so we can savour this, been on my brain again these days

Can't find a way to be so you can savour this, been on my brain these days

Singing the song for another, singing a song for another

#zayn #yellowmetal #cathartic #feel free to correct me pls #cathartic lyrics

[tamagochiie]

soulmate au

synopsis. where the haikyuu bois can hear when their soulmate is singing (whether it be in another universe or theirs)

character roster. oikawa tooru, iwaizumi hajime, kenma kozume, kuroo tetsuroo, tsukishima kei, yamaguchi tedashi, sugawara koushi, daichi sawamura, hinata shoyo, bokuto kotarou, akaashi keiji 

genre. fluff

a/n. this has been in my drafts for over a month now, and i really wanted to write this properly after finishing up my finals... i saw a lot of tiktoks about this and i was  i n s t a t n l y  hooked. 

oikawa tooru —> it happens during his high at the final moments of the game; breaths ragged as sweat drips down from his face, the crowd chanting his name when he sends the ball flying over to the opposing court. his ego is flying dangerously close to the sun when the quiet hum of your voice has him jolt in place—feet completely glued to the floor. he'll try to brush it off and try to focus back on the game at hand, but there's a thrum of excitement in his chest when he hears you loud and clear.  

its a moment he's been waiting for, but out of all times, why now? his eyes will sweep through the bleachers, hoping to see that you might be close by, but the poor boy's out of luck. even more so, when the buzzer screeches in the stadium does oikawa gravitate back to reality, your singing no longer ringing in head does he realize he's cost the whole team their winning point. 

iwaizumi hajime  —> he's in the middle of a nap during lunch, ignoring his friends who're eating by his side; oikawa's persistent chattering drowns out the noise in the classroom. so he gets up and leaves, knowing full well he'll never be able to get the peace he deserves if he stays a minute longer. 

he threads his fingers through his hair, trying to subside his headache as he stumbles down the hall to look for a place to sleep. he'll eventually make a home out of a creaky wooden bench just outside the art room, settling uncomfortably on the fragile wood.

he'll miss it at first, thinking you were just one of the girls passing by. actually, he misses it completely by assuming it as such. but he doesn't mind it as it helps him fall asleep; he makes mental note to find you, making the mistake of assuming you're not anywhere else except here.

kenma kozume —> "who the fuck is singing?" is what kenma hisses as he clicks away, harshly pressing down on the keys in a switch motion. his lip caught between his teeth, brows furrowed into a deep line as the screen of his computer ; he's been streaming for hours with kuroo and levi.

kenma is not a believer of soulmates, and the boy dreaded the moment he'd have to hear your voice uninvitingly taking up room in the space he felt the safest: his head. as you sing to the top of your lungs, enjoying the high of a chorus, unbeknownst to you the effect it had on the poor gamer boy who had all the hours he spent playing go to waste, he's just been given more reason to hate you than to love you.

kuroo tetsuro —> a smile creeps across his lips when he hears you sing, setting his textbook down before he slumps against the wooden backrest of his chair. he's been wondering when he'd hear from you; he always made sure he was in a quiet space so he'd hear you loud and clear. he flutters his eyes shut, craning his head back as his body eases to the sound of your voice. you weren't the best singer, but to kuroo you were the sweetest sound he could ever hear.

tsukishima kei —> he has a sharp tongue, but who would've thought there'd be a day when he'd open his mouth to fire insults at certain blueberry boy only to have nothing—not even a crack in his voice—slip out. his mouth goes dry instantly as he stands there dumbfounded as  yamaguchi. somehow, the oh-so golden crown that usually rests well atop tsukki's head has fallen to the gentle sound of your singing.

though tsukki had always placed himself in a pedestal, looking down on other from where he stood, there was always a lingering insecurity that he'd never get a soulmate in this lifetime—or in any lifetime. so when he hears your voice in his head, there's a twinge of hope in his heart at the thought there's someone meant for him.

yamaguchi tadashi —>  he's blushing quite profusely, slapping his hand onto tsukki's mouth without giving the action as much as a thought as excitement overrides him, catching tsukki off guard. he can finally hear you, and he almost misses it if it weren't for his best friend's pride.

yamaguchi rests his eyes, fluttering them shut as he and his lanky friend stop in the middle of the hallway, not minding those who brush past him as he dwells in the sound of your voice.

"she's so beautiful," yamaguchi sighs, moving his hand off of tsukki's lips and onto his chest, "i wanna marry her."

"how can you say she's beautiful?" tsukki seethes, spitting away the salty aftertaste of his best friend's hand. "you haven't even seen her yet."

"with a voice like that, i already know she is."

sugawara koushi —> the amount of force he uses when he slaps his teammates on the back is the same amount of force that presses against his heart when he hears you singing, voice cracking ever so often as you try to reach the high notes. happy isn't a word he could describe the little pitter patter of feet squishing his stomach. happy is not a good enough word for sugawara to describe how he feels after finally getting to hear you sing.

she must really like this song, sugawara thinks to himself as mutes his teacher's chattering. he'll close his eyes, listening to you and your words carefully before scribbling the lyrics onto his notebook, keeping note to search the song later. it's a habit sugawara will eventually grow into every time he hears your voice, thinking he'll get to know you a bit better by listening to your favorite songs.

sugoi, he gasps in wonder, lips curving into a smile. its a soft ballad, foreign to his ears, but he'll mouth along to your singing and continue on with his jog.

daichi sawamura —> it happens in the middle of his morning jog while listening to music. he'll take off his earbuds, tapping against the plastic because he thinks his earphones one of his broken when your voice overlaps with the bands he's listening to. it takes him a while, but when he pauses his music, its only then does he realize what's going on.

hinata shoyo —> he sprints to kageyama, slapping him in the back while he's about to practice a toss, "i can hear her! i can hear her!" is what the sunshine boy screams, tugging onto the sleeve of his best friend as he hears your voice. "i can finally hear her!"

still clinging onto the material of kageyama's jersey, earning a grunt and a curse, hinata flutters his eyes shut and focuses on the sound of your voice. he doesn't understand the lyrics or the tune of the song you're singing, but its you—your voice that has his heart thumping against his ribcage, breaths hitching in his throat, drying his lips. the same high he rides in the middle of the game rises from the pit of his stomach and spreads a warm feeling across his chest.

and for the first time, the bright boy has something else to beam about other than a sport.

bokuto kotarou —>  his eyes dilate as his lips curve into a toothy grin, cheeks blushing a peachy color when he hears you, his soulmate, the one and only person he can finally call home. your voice isn't the prettiest nor is it the smoothest, but it belongs to the one he'll get call his—his whole world. he's spent his whole life imagining what it'll feel like when he hears you; maybe his hairs will stand on its ends, a tickle down his spine, or maybe he'll know what it feels like to forget how to breathe. But instead, he's learns what it means to be at peace, to feel the world turn beneath his feet as focuses on nothing but the sound of your voice.

he drops everything in his hands, his attention slipping away from the front of the class and onto you. he closes his eyes and takes a deep breath, tuning out everything else as he listens to you stumbling over your words as you try to sing  properly.

cute, is the last thought bokuto spares before sinking back into his chair.

akaashi keiji —> its a small smirk that plays across this quiet boy's lips. there's a slight tug in his heart as his stomach folds into itself. the quiet mumble of your singing washes out the background noise of bokuto's shouting echoing the gym.  he shuts his eyes, fiddling with the ball in between his hands as he listens to you.

he'll bob his head to beat of your words, even humming a little once he's caught the tune. his teams watch him from the side, brows furrowed while a few mouths hang open. he looks strange, but akaashi is too invested in the moment he shares with you to think twice about what he might look like.

*i'm still not convinced that i can properly write my bbies from inarizaki, so until then, please bare with me hahu

#haikyuu headcanons #haikyuu x reader #oikawa tooru #Iwaizumi Hajime #Kenma Kozume #kuroo tetsuroo #tsukishima kei #yamaguchi tadashi #sugawara koushi #daichi sawamura #hinata shoyo #bokuto kotarou #akaashi keiji #oikawa x reader #oikawa fluff #iwaizumi x reader #iwa x reader #iwa fluff #kenma x reader #kenma fluff #kuroo x reader #kuroo x y/n #kuroo fluff #tsukki x reader #tsukki x y/n #tsukki fluff #yamaguchi x reader #yamaguchi x y/n #yamaguchi fluff #sugawara x reader

[darnittumbleweed]

I Hope Your Husband Dies: Spencer Reid

               I finally gave you a Reid fic and it’s pure angst without a happy ending...It is a song fic so the lyrics are bolded and Italicized. The song is “I Hope Your Husband Dies” by Amigo the Devil...it gave me inspo for an angsty fic. I don’t know if it sucks, but I just wanted to see if I could write something sad.

It’s been a year; one year…and Spencer Reid would like to say he’s forgotten all about you…but that would be a lie. How could he forget you? He’d always heard about the one who got away…you were his one. You got away and he had no one to blame but himself.

He had been surprised to see the rings on your finger…and he was even more surprised to see the man with his arm wrapped around you.

He stood aside watching you stand in Rossi’s living room chatting with Emily and JJ, catching up on the direction your life had taken after you’d left.

You’d been so close to them all at one point, before it had become too painful to remain in their lives. That pain was no longer evident in your eyes, not when you stared up at your new husband.

Reid felt his heart sink as he spotted you so easily sink against your husband’s arms. He snuggled just as closely to you it so clear that you shared an affectionate relationship.

Your husband was an attractive man. He had a certain boyish charm to him. His head was filled with soft curls and his smile was so sweet. He was just as tall as Reid. Reid could remember you once commenting that you always liked tall guys. He was intelligent too, not as intelligent as Reid…but not many people were as intelligent as Reid. He was successful in his career, hardworking and dedicated to his field. He was a veterinarian. You’d always loved animals, but Reid had always felt wary of getting a pet…especially with your schedules. Your husband’s hours weren’t as hectic as Reid’s had been, and he didn’t have to travel as much. He seemed like he was your type judging by what he’d overheard you mention about your first date…Reid hated that he even had to admit any of your husband’s positive qualities.

Trust me, I'm not jealous, I'm just hoping that he really messes up I'm not so much afraid of letting go as much as scared of giving up And all the distance that we've spent apart will never have to mean a thing Cause every mile I travelled was to find the perfect stone to fit your ring

Reid could try to pretend that things had gone wrong between you and him due to his schedule…but that would be a lie. You’d been a member of the team…you had shared that same crazy schedule with him.

The distance hadn’t killed your love because you were right there by his side….or you had been by his side.

Now you stood by someone else’s side. Reid felt sick as he watched the man press a kiss to your temple the adoring look he gave you so clear for all to see. He stared at you as though you were the reason the sun rose every day.

And I, I Oh I, I Hope your husband dies I hope your husband dies

Living in the moments hard when everything I want is in the past And now you're with this asshole, you expect me to believe it's going to last But when I had you near me I just couldn't think of anything to say But now that I'm alone, I got the perfect things to tell you everyday

You had been Reid’s once. It was hard to believe it had only been a year ago when your heart had belonged to him.

He had lost you though, and Reid knew he was the only one to blame.

He can still remember the words you said to him: “I just…I can’t do this anymore Spencer. I can’t sit here hoping one day you’ll love me the way I want.”

He’d argued of course his voice so desperate wanting so badly to understand why you were packing your bags. You were leaving him, why you were leaving. You were leaving him just like others had done. His abandonment issue were screaming that you were leaving him even though you knew that it would hurt him. “I do love you, of course I do. How can you say I don’t?”

You’d just given him a sad smile shaking your head your voice so soft. “You don’t love me like you love her though…I have to accept that, no matter how much it hurts.”

Reid cringed knowing just who HER was. She was the ghost who haunted him, the one who had so captured his heart refusing to let it go even though she was no longer here among the living.

Maeve had left before he’d ever really gotten to have her…he’d lost her before she was really his.

He was still hers though…

You’d joined the team a few months after Maeve had passed…Reid had still been struggling then. He had still been so lost in grief. You’d been so kind; so sweet and lovely. You were so bright-eyed. Still so young and fresh out of the FBI Academy. You were so passionate and so filled with hope. How could anyone dislike someone so positive and so loving? It had taken him a while to warm up to you, but with time he’d learned to adore your presence. You’d been the friend he needed. You were so patient and so willing to be there for him when he was at his lowest.

Love had blossomed between you with time. The love you had for him was so pure, so sweet it almost took his breath away.

Things had been good…hadn’t they?

Reid knew the truth though…it was in the little things he occasionally said…little mentions of Maeve, little signs she still lived in his heart.

At first you hadn’t minded. He’d lost someone he’d loved. He still had the right to speak fondly of her…but it was the way he spoke about her. He spoke about her as though she was some sort of goddess, some sort of perfect being. He held her up on a pedestal.

It felt as though he didn’t place you on a pedestal…he didn’t speak of you the way he spoke of her.

You’d felt dumb at first…being jealous of a dead woman. You’d felt selfish and unkind and heartless…how could you be upset with him for mourning a lost love? What kind of monster were you to deny him the right to mourn her?

It stung though…when her birthday came, Reid disappeared to the cemetery to visit her. His mood took a downturn around that time. It took him a while to return to himself…but it was so obvious that there was always that sense of longing in him. He longed for the future he’d lost with Maeve.

It felt easy to feel as though he was so busy mourning the possibility of the life he’d lost with Maeve, that he didn’t focus on the life he could have with you.

You’d been with him for a little over two years and you’d been through so much together…you’d brought up marriage once or twice…the possibility of having a family. He didn’t seem to be as passionate about it as you’d hoped. Sure he said he wanted a future with you…but it didn’t feel as though he longed for a future with you.

It felt to you as though he didn’t dream of a life with you, not the way you did.

The final straw had been a few weeks ago. You’d gone to Rossi’s place after a tough case for a big meal and some downtime. Lots of alcohol had been had, Rossi always had the best wine and cocktails.

Maeve’s birthday had just passed, and Reid had still been feeling down. He’d missed the chance to go to the cemetery this year as you’d all been in Seattle on a case. You’d hoped that a nice night out would lift his spirits.

You’d overheard him speaking to JJ as you’d come back from the bathroom his voice so filled with pain. “I still miss her so much. She was my future, Maeve was supposed to be my future.”

It had taken only two sentences to break your heart.

You’d always tried to tell yourself that he loved you. You’d tried to tell yourself that he had room for both Maeve and you in his heart. His words to JJ had revealed the reality of it all though.

It felt as though he’d just settled on you. You would never live up to Maeve. He’d dreamed of a life with her and he’d gotten you.

You didn’t want to be something someone settled for.

So as much as it broke your heart, you had to accept the truth.

You deserved someone to love you the way he seemed to love Maeve.

You spoke as you gathered your bags. “I’ll send someone for the rest of my things.”

Reid had stood there speechless his heart sinking as he watched you.

You’d stared back at him silently begging him to do something, to do anything to prove to you that you were his future. He said nothing though. He stood there biting his bottom lip his brow furrowed as you turned to leave.

You sighed as your hand touched the doorknob deciding to just admit it outloud. “I deserve to be someone’s future Spencer. I thought that my future was with you, but it’s pretty clear you don’t feel the same way. I can’t sit around hoping you might want a future with me one day. I deserve more than that.”

Reid had watched you leave the more sensible part of his brain screaming that you were his future, just you. His feet had remained frozen in place though.

He should have followed you that night. He should have gone after you and dropped down to his knees in front of you. He should have begged you to give him a chance to prove to you that you were all he wanted, that you were the one he dreamed of growing old with.

He hadn’t done any of that though. He’d stood there in an empty apartment reflecting on where he’d gone wrong.

You’d not only left him, but you’d left the BAU too. You’d placed your transfer request in with Hotch not telling him exactly why you wanted to leave…he knew though…everyone knew.

Spencer wanted them to hate him, he wanted them to scream and yell and ask why he’d let you go. They wouldn’t though.

They just looked at him with such pity.

He knew exactly what they saw. They saw what he saw each time he caught a glimpse of his own reflection; a man who had let his future walk away from him because he was so busy fantasizing about a future with a woman who he’d never even met in person until the day he lost her.

He’d lost his future and it was too late now.

You were gone.

He’d wanted to call you a million times, but he didn’t know what to say. He didn’t even know if you would want to hear anything he had to say.

So Reid had spent the past year learning to live without you. It didn’t feel like living though, not really.

When Reid had walked into the BAU earlier that week he’d had hope for the first time in a year. He’d overheard Emily speaking to JJ. “Yeah, I can’t believe I saw Y/N, it’s been so long. She looks so good. She’s changed so much, I almost didn’t recognize her at first. It wasn’t awkward like I thought it might be. She was so excited to see me. I can’t believe I ran into her at the Farmers Market of all places. She’s been in DC all this time. I couldn’t help myself, I had to invite her to Rossi’s this weekend. She seemed excited for the chance to catch up with everyone.”

Reid had listened his heart lifting. It was fate, he’d told himself. This was a sign that he could finally say the words he should have said to you a year ago when he’d watched you walk away.

Reid had walked into Rossi’s tonight so ready to approach you, to try his hardest to show you that you were his future. He’d been so ready to beg you to give him another chance.

It was so clear that it was too late though.

He felt his stomach turn as he listened to you speak recalling how you’d met your husband. “I was such a huge mess when we first met. I almost puked on his shoes. It was so humiliating, but he was so sweet. We hadn’t seen each other in years, so it was such a shock to see him. I was already freaking out about the cat and then I ran into someone I haven’t seen in years, and I was a wreck.”

Reid felt his heart ache as your husband spoke a chuckle leaving him. “To be fair she was absolutely within her right to almost puke. It was pretty disgusting and I see some pretty awful things, botflies can be nasty. For the record she is the sweetest. The second she brought that poor cat into the clinic I knew I had to do whatever it took to reconnect with the girl who’d been so worried over a stray sick cat.”

You gave your husband a sweet smile the words falling from you. “And I had to get to know the man who let me fret over a stray cat and didn’t mind me almost vomiting on him. When he asked me on a date I didn’t even have to think twice about saying yes. It felt like no time had passed between us even though we haven’t seen each other in so long…I mean he was friends with my older brother, so I was honestly shocked he even remembered me.”

Your husband was so fast to respond. “How could I forget her? It’s kind of funny I almost expected her to still be the mouthy sixteen year old I remembered meeting when her brother invited me over to eat dinner with his family. I spent so many Sunday nights with her family, it was hard to forget her. I was nineteen years old trying to figure my life out and here was this girl who seemed so confident and so sure of herself. She was still in high school and she knew exactly where she was going and what she was going to do with her life. She wasn’t afraid to say exactly what was on her mind. I always admired that about her, her drive and her fearlessness. We lost touch when she graduated high school and moved out of state to attend university. I felt like it was fate when she walked into the clinic that day. ”

You giggled at this shaking your head. “I was so mouthy. I think I even told you off. I was such a know-it-all. I cringe thinking about it now.”

“I probably deserved you telling me off.” Your husband agreed without any hesitation.

Reid hated the way Emily and JJ chuckled at this the two women watching you interact with your husband it so obvious how well you balanced one another out.

Cause I, I Oh I, I Hope your husband dies I hope your husband dies

Reid felt his heart ache as Garcia approached you and spoke. “You said you just got married. Why wasn’t I invited to your wedding? I would have come.”

You spoke answering the question quick to soothe any hurt feelings. “I know, it was all honestly kind of a spontaneous thing. It just felt right. We reconnected and it was just so right. We were on vacation when he proposed and we kind of planned it quick. We couldn’t wait to be honest.”

Your husband continued the story. “I didn’t even have a ring when I proposed. We were sitting on the beach relaxing and the sun was setting. The view was so perfect, I just looked over at her and it hit me that she was the woman I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. I was terrified when I proposed. I thought she’d tell me it was too soon. Then she just kissed me, and I asked her if that was a yes. We just threw together a backyard wedding at my mom’s place. Our families put it all together for us. We wanted something small.”

You agreed chuckling as Garcia pulled your hand forward insisting on seeing the engagement ring and the wedding band that rested on your hand. “It was super small; we didn’t see the big fuss in throwing so much money at a wedding. It only took us two months to plan it out. I found a dress at a vintage shop and his mom altered it for me. We had the ceremony at his mom’s house and then we had the reception at a winery...my parents were pretty insistent that we have a fancy reception at least. We put more money into the reception and the honeymoon than the wedding ceremony itself.”

“I offered to give her a huge church wedding with anything she wanted, but she told me that she was marrying me for me, not for the wedding. Our wedding was small and pretty simple. Our families helped plan the whole thing, it was way less stressful than everyone told us it would be. Her mom took over planning the reception so all we had to do was say yes or no. It was the best day of my life. The honeymoon was perfect, we rented a cabin and just got away from everything.” Your husband explained.

Reid felt his heart sink as he watched you press your lips to your husband’s.

Reid felt his feet move wanting to get far away from this his heart cracking by the second.

He made his way outside standing at the balcony the night air cool, his hands gripped down onto the bannister his heart aching.

He wasn’t sure how long he stood there but he felt his breath hitch at your voice. “Hi Spencer.”

He turned to face you swallowing the lump developing in his throat at the sight of you.

Emily was right you had changed. Your hair was shorter and styled differently. You wore a pretty soft blue dress. He could remember you had always loved dresses and you hated that being on the field with the BAU meant you needed to wear something that would be easy to move in if needed. So your dresses had always been out of the question.

He spoke his voice trembling. “Hi Y/N.”

The two of you stood there in an awkward silence unsure of what to say or do.

You spoke your voice soft your arms crossing over yourself as though you were trying to soothe yourself. “I had a feeling I’d see you tonight.”

Reid nodded his head his voice just as soft. “Yeah, Rossi’s pretty insistent with those dinner invites.”

The awkward silence returned Reid being the one to break it the question leaving him. “Why did you put in a transfer with Hotch?”

You let out a soft sigh swaying in place a bit trying to do something with the anxiety spilling through you. “I-I had to leave. It hurt too much to stay. I loved my job, but I just…It hurt. I didn’t even stay with the white collar crimes division...I just wanted to change my surroundings. I resigned and started over.”

“You didn’t say goodbye…you didn’t say goodbye to anyone other than me.” Reid replied his brow furrowing his heart aching at the words It hurt. He had caused that hurt.

You shook your head at this statement. “I knew if I said goodbye they’d talk me into staying. I-I knew I couldn’t stay.”

“You couldn’t stay because of me.” Reid clarified for you.

You closed your eyes a sigh leaving you. “Yes. You were their friend first. I guess…I guess I needed to find a life beyond you.”

Reid let out a shaky sigh his eyes feeling damp. He spoke needing to say the words. “I should have gone after you that night. I should have told you that you’re my future…you were my future…I guess it’s too late now.”

You opened your eyes the words that left you making the tears threatening to spill from Reid finally come. “It is. I…I’m pregnant Spencer.”

Reid felt his heart ache at the words.  You’d always wanted kids.

He’d always thought he would be the one who had those kids with you.

“Are you happy?” Reid dared to ask the words spilling from him though he knew your answer would hurt him all the more.

“I am. Jamie is a great guy. He makes me really happy. I wasn’t looking for love when I came back into his life. I found it though. I told him everything on our first date…and he was so patient with me…He made falling in love with him feel so easy. I know it was fast…It just, it felt right. I never had any doubts, never any fears. He makes it feel impossible to be afraid. He’s so excited to be a dad. I’m a little scared about being a mom to be honest…but he insists I’m going to be great. I’m really happy.” You explained.

So trust me, I'm not jealous, I'm just hoping that he really fucks things up I'm not so much afraid of being alone, just kind of feel I've had enough And time and time again, time reminds me you'll never be my own We'll never have a house to decorate, a place that we can call our home

Reid felt his throat grow tight the words leaving him. “You deserve to be happy. He’s right. You will be a great mom. You always wanted kids.”

You parted your lips to reply but didn’t have a chance as Jamie walked outside his arm wrapping around you. Reid turned hiding his tears.

If Jamie noticed he didn’t mention it. He removed his jacket draping it over your shoulders so fast to speak. “It’s cold.”

You chuckled at this not helping but to tease him. “It’s not that cold. I’m just pregnant, I promise I won’t break due to a little cold air.”

“Hey, I’m being a paranoid dad-to-be , accept that it’s going to happen. I worry about you 24/7 now, it’s how it has to be and the second this kid gets here I’m going to have two people to fret over.” Jamie insisted pressing an adoring kiss to your temple.

You shook your head you voice soft. “I’ll be inside in a second. Be a good dad-to-be and go get me another one of those cheese pastry things before Luke eats them all.”

Jamie chuckled at this pressing a quick kiss to your lips the words falling from him. “Yes dear.”

You returned the kiss the sight making Reid’s heart tear all the more.

Reid watched Jamie walk away the words falling from him hating to admit it. “He’s a nice guy.”

“He is. He can be a real worrywart sometimes, but he means well. To be honest I think he’s going to drive himself crazy worrying about this kid, but it’s sweet.” You replied.

You paused taking a deep breath the tears in Reid’s eyes tugging at your heart strings. “I know things between us, they fell apart. It hurt a lot at the time. I did love you Spencer. I really did. We weren’t happy though. Not at the end. I knew I was just another person abandoning you…but I couldn’t stay, not when my heart was broken.”

Reid felt his stomach turn wanting to insist that you could have worked it out. You could have been happy again.

You spoke shaking your head. “You weren’t ready to move on from Maeve. I hated it. I felt so guilty for hating it, but it was the truth. I’m not angry though. I was angry at first…and hurt…but I don’t feel that way anymore. I wasn’t sure if I could ever be happy again when I left the BAU and you. I am though, I’m so happy.”

You paused taking a deep breath as you spoke. “I want that for you Spencer…I know it feels like I’m rubbing in how happy I am…I knew you’d be here when Emily invited me to come to Rossi’s…I just missed everyone. I just, I guess I want to have closure with everyone…I want us to have closure too. I don’t think we really got closure when I left. You’re right I left without saying goodbye. I just want to leave the right way this time. I do want you to be happy though Spencer. I told you I deserved to be someone’s future, but you deserve that too.”

Reid nodded his head his heart screaming at him that you were the only one who had made him happy.

He finally forced himself to look back at you the pleading look in your eyes making his heart ache all the more. He never could tell you no. “I know. I know, you’re right.”

You let out a soft sigh reaching out and giving his arm a squeeze Reid feeling his heart ache even more when your touch left him as soon as it came.

He watched you walk away heading back inside leaving him with his regrets.

He watched Jamie approach you through the window your husband’s arm once again encircling your waist.

Reid felt the words leave him though you weren’t here to hear them. “I wanted you to be my future.”

He took a deep breath knowing it was too late now.

You deserved to be happy….even if it was without him.

He turned his gaze away when Jamie pressed an adoring kiss to your lips.

He stared up at the night sky his voice so soft. “You were my future.”

It was too late.

So I, I Oh I, I Hope your husband dies I hope your husband dies I, I Oh I, I Hope your husband dies

#spencer Reid #spencer reidxreader #spencer reid angst #spencer reid/reader

[lansplaining]

Could you give your character song thoughts?

I'D LOVE TO

first things first, all of my opinions are owed to @hunxi-guilai's amazing translations, without which i'd have no thoughts

(the fact that i only entered this fandom just as hunxi was leaving is a source of endless sorrow to me but that's another point)

i find them SO fascinating as a piece of, like, semi-official meta, and i have so many questions about who writes these and how they're produced and how this tradition emerged etc. the fact that the actors don't speak in their own voices as the characters, but do sing as them!!! wild. i also know there's a lot of weirdness about, like, agents and studios dictating who performs on the album and who doesn't, but that's also a fascinating breakdown on a meta level.

but anyway, here are my top five, in track order:

Qu Jin Chen Qing: lyrically and musically this captures Wei Wuxian's energy so so well, and I think Xiao Zhan is not only probably the best pop singer in the cast, his voice really suits the character. I love the lyrics of both the Lan brothers' songs (especially Xichen's), but they both have these very breathy voices that I personally dislike, but also I think are so totally unsuited for the characters. get some baritones!

Hen Bie: The song (along with Xichen's) that epitomizes my questions about who writes these, and how much they can be taken as the actor or production team or whoever's view on a character. A song that says Justice For Jiang Cheng Stans as we imagine Jiang Cheng drinking alone at night being sad. Wang Zhoucheng clearly comes from a different vocal training than anyone else and he sounds great. That said, I wish they'd let him sing in the lower register that clearly suits his voice better, and I think could have been really fitting for Jiang Cheng as a character as well.

Qing He Jue: I've definitely seen meta about like... which of the Nie brothers is singing this? Or which verses belong to which of them? I don't particularly love the lyrics, but I find it fun to listen to. The really ballad-y chorus is great.

Gu Cheng: A slightly random one, maybe!! I really liked the sound of this one initially-- I find the harmony sections really pleasing to listen to in purely aesthetic terms. And then I read Hunxi's translation suggesting that the singers are A-Qing and Song Lan and the fact that THESE characters would get a song brings me SUCH JOY. There is something so haunting and perfect about them singing about Xiao Xingcheng rather than him getting to sing for himself, and also Justice For Song Lan and A-Qing, hell yes they deserve a song. As a semi-confessed Xue Yang-disliker (he's fine idk), I like the change of pace of a perspective on the Yi City arc that's purely Xiao Xingchen (and the singers') tragedy.

Duo Hen Sheng: I gotta. What a goddamn weird song. Musically completely different from literally everything else, lyrically fascinating in that it offers a way more complex accounting of Jin Guangyao's thoughts and motivations than the show actually does. Do we take this as the creative team tipping their hand about the perspective they couldn't include in the show? Or just a songwriter who needed enough narrative tension to sustain lyrics? Also there just aren't a lot of relatively high-tempo songs on the album, so I like the change of (literal) pace.

(The last three songs are all done by non-cast professionals, so obviously vocally they're all great.)

Honorable mention: Zui Shi Shao Nian Bu Ke Qi. It just makes me laugh. The lyrics are so self-serious, and I just picture the juniors absolutely going for it in some really dramatic music video whenever I listen.

#ask #what do i even tag this #wwx #jiang cheng #jgy #song lan #aqing #nmj #nhs

[ssurveycorpss]

You can delete this if this isn't allowed, but can I request X for all the warriors?

asking for multiple characters is totally fine (as long as you're not requesting full one shots lol) i'll update my rules! also the layout of these is a little different than the others bc this one is just a little fun lol.

i included zeke, reiner, pieck, porco, and colt. i definitely wont write for the four kiddos or marcel but i can write for annie and bertholdt if you request them.

tags: modern au, cigarette/nicotine mention in zeke's, alcohol mention in colt's, emetophobia warning for colts, mention of car accidents in porco's, sfw, not every single one is romantic lol sorry and colts is missing one headcanon bc i only have two for him

hc game

X = Xtra (A random headcanon for them.)

zeke jaeger:

pretentious coffee fan. owns like a 300 dollar espresso maker and refuses to drink starbucks. spends like 8 dollars minimum on a latte and lurks on the coffee subreddits. its almost comical how he drinks fancy coffee and only smokes cigarettes and not e cigs... so pretentious...

acts like he has no interest in social media but spends hours trying to pick a lyric from an obscure band for his caption. has like 3 posts, lots of followers, and less following. will post the occasional story with you in it but otherwise not much going on there.

coaches little league baseball despite not liking kids that much because he doesn't really have time for coaching middle or high schoolers. his kids are fucking ruthless they are like monsters on the field and every other team is terrified of them. you know how they don't keep score for kids softball and stuff like that? zeke does anyways and he tells them every time they win. does well with baseball moms bc their kids could go pro no matter what and hes really good looking and suburban moms could use the eye candy.

more under the cut!

reiner braun:

his favorite music genre is bubblegum kpop. porco groans everytime reiner has the aux bc he just plays really preppy cute songs kpop songs about falling in love after school. he doesn't like... stan any of the groups like he doesn't know every detail of their lives but he casually watches their interviews sometimes and knows all the member names of his favorite groups. he has a photocard from an album you gave him, and it sits in his phone case behind a polaroid of you two. also he learns the dances sometimes.

likes watching cartoons sometimes, he wont binge watch an entire season of them but if he has sometimes he'll throw on a cute mindless cartoon just to relax. he usually watches slice of life and romance tv shows in general, stuff without much tension or drama and is just cute.

good cook, terrible baker. if he bakes something it will look awful and taste kind of bad. but his cooking is really good, once you guys got comfortable together instead of going out to eat you opt for him cooking for you two instead.

pieck finger:

likes to buy her clothes second hand. she's a really well dressed girl but she's not concerned with being overly trendy, so she finds that a lot of stores don't really have things she likes. she likes long hemlines and almost everything is cropped these days, so she opts for thrift stores and vintage stores to get things her style. plus she saves a lot of money. she really suits pearl jewelry and has a timeless sense of fashion.

she has a minivan and will drive anyone anywhere, and she rarely asks for gas money. often picks up zeke porco and reiner when they hang out and will always pick you up for dates. her car is ancient but runs like a charm because shes knowledgeable about maintenance, and super fuel efficient.

has a really old phone with no cracks or scratches or anything. doesn't see the point in getting a new one until one day she notices how convenient porco's brand new up to date iphone is and starts saving up for one, but every time she saves up enough a new one comes out.

porco galliard:

plays volleyball, and is on a scholarship for it. jumps really high and is really lithe and quick, making him a good libero (but this is the extent of my volleyball knowledge so i will not make anymore comment. please let me know what position porco plays.)

gets in (non fatal) car accidents surprisingly often, and speeding tickets even more. marcel is tired of it because it is throwing his insurance costs over the roof and forces him to enroll in lessons but they really don't help.

he is the one to pay for the streaming services and has everyone else plus you leech off his account. he complains abt it but texts the gc every time he changes the password so he doesn't really have the right.

colt grice:

on the blacklist for several frats because he went to their block parties, drank too much, and vomited in someones bed, another person's cat's litterbox, a different persons laundry basket, a different different persons moms sweater, and another frats oven. he's really apologetic and always cleans up and reimburses everyone as much as he can, but he is a menace and is only allowed in if he promises not to drink. on that drinking note if you need advice, go out for drinks with colt. he will get incredibly inebriated, give you the best wisdom and advice you've ever heard, and forget everything the next day.

really bad at video games but really fun to play them with. doesnt get on very often, but will play when he has some free time or is asked by his friends. only on weekends and only for like two hours at a time. the video game system at his house doesnt even belong to him its Falcos.

#omg these tags #its gonna be #so annoying #to tag this #ok so imma just tag this #snk x reader #aot x reader #aot imagines #aot x you #aot x y/n #attack on titan x you #attack on titan x reader #shingeki no kyojin x you #shingeki no kyojin x reader #annnnd do the rest later #lols

[jerzwriter]

I posted 2,126 times in 2021

953 posts created (45%)

1173 posts reblogged (55%)

For every post I created, I reblogged 1.2 posts.

I added 2,552 tags in 2021

#ethan ramsey - 518 posts

#tobias carrick - 296 posts

#delaying the inevitable - 290 posts

#asks - 275 posts

#open heart - 265 posts

#asks answered - 232 posts

#self reblog - 230 posts

#ethan x casey - 166 posts

#ethan ramsey x mc - 159 posts

#tobias carrick x mc - 121 posts

Longest Tag: 90 characters

#i hate him so much i spend a good chunk of my week writing about the little pixelated dude

I have no idea what this was about????

INACCURATE TOP 5 POSTS of 2021 BELOW

My Top Posts in 2021

Tumblr says these ate the top five...

But Their Plus One had 129 notes, more than #5? 🤷‍♀️

It's Tumblr......

#5

Chapter 16 - Home

Book: Open Heart 3 (Post Series)

Pairing: Ethan Ramsey x F!MC Tobias Carrick x F!MC

Rating: Chapter: Teen

Summary: Extended Series WIP – Love Triangle. In this chapter: Casey’s mother pays a visit; Tobias and Casey discuss what if’s; Ethan continues to struggle with his choices; Casey pushes anxiety aside and joins her friends at Donahue’s, where she sees Ethan for the first time since their breakup.

Category: Extended Series (WIP)

Warnings: Angst, loss, drinking, language

A/N: Hey everyone! Thanks for your patience as I got this together. I’ve been on angst overload, and, my friends, it’s not entirely healthy. Some facts about the story’s timeline. Chapter 1-12 cover 6 months (late March to late September). However, chapters 13 -16 cover three days (9/28-10/01). The pace will begin to pick up again with chapter 17 when Casey returns to work and figures out what the future looks like. It’s going to be fun to see how everyone works together after this.

A/N 2: The weekly question remains…. Team Ethan, Team Tobias, or Team let David Gandy find this poor girl and whisk her away? And I must say, Team Gandy is gaining a base. lol😊

A/N 3: I’m not apologizing for long chapters anymore because y’all seem OK with it. I don’t know what that says, but I appreciate it. 😊 Please continue to send me your comments and feedback – it’s always appreciated, and I want to make sure you get the best story I can give you. As always, thanks for reading – you’re the best!

A/N 4: Music notes: Demons - Imagine Dragons this song reminds me of Ethan's struggles, especially the lyrics of the last two stanzas. This song is an old favorite of mine.

SERIES MASTERLIST

CHARACTERS BELONG TO PIXELBERRY STUDIOS

If you wish to be added or removed from tags, please let me know. Comments and reblogs are always appreciated. 😊

See the full post

121 notes • Posted 2021-08-07 07:01:55 GMT

#4 - So Ethan Smut is my top fic, and (technically Tobias/Casey/Ethan Smut is my second top fic... as it should be lol)

Smutty prompt: angry office sex. Either E or T, we’ll love any 🤤🤭

Book: Open Heart 2

Pairing: Ethan Ramsey x F!MC (Casey MacTavish)

Title: All Yours

Rating: Explicit – NSFW – 18+ ONLY

Summary: Casey is the only one who can keep Ethan in line. 😊 (Reader request for angry office sex)

Category: Smut

Warnings: Sexual situations, language, some aggression

A/N: The request was for Ethan or Tobias – but I can’t see Tobias getting angry. 😊 PLUS I have 10 Ethan fics for every 1 Tobias, but my Ethan fans are feeling slighted. LOL Y'all crazy - but I love you.

A/N 1: I hope this staves of the thirst queens for a little bit 😊

A/N 2: BIG thanks to my LLS (long lost sis) @kachrisberry You are the smut queen among mere princesses, thanks for your guidance lol

CHARACTERS BELONG TO PIXELBERRY STUDIOS / TEXT IN BOLD IS DIRECTLY FROM THE PB STORY

See the full post

129 notes • Posted 2021-08-25 02:58:27 GMT

#3 - I can see why this is #3...

Well, hello there!

139 notes • Posted 2021-09-05 02:38:29 GMT

#2 I'm proud of this...

Attention all writers....

I was sitting here the other day and something came to me, and I wanted to share it with each of you. I find writers are often full of self-doubt, we get imposter syndrome, we criticize ourselves more than others ever could... and you need to hear this.

I only recently accepted that I am a creator. I am an artist, and so are each of you. I never felt I had a talent, but I sit down at my computer with a blank screen in front of me and I turn it into something. Sometimes it's good, sometimes it could be better, sometimes it inspires, sometimes it doesn't. But that blank page is my canvas and when I am done, it is so much more.

The same is true for each of you. You have all accomplished something wonderful, something others will never do. It doesn't matter if it is the best story ever written or if it is one that may need work. Note, I never used the word bad, because it is not in my vocabulary when it comes to this. You took a blank canvas and you turned it into your vision. There is no bad...ever.

I am tagging all the writers I have read and all those who I have on my to-read list (freaking time always gets in the way!). If I have missed you, that means I don't know you write, likely due to stupid tumblr algorithms, so inbox me and I promise I will as soon as I can.

Take a bow. I'm inspired by you. I'm proud of you. Most of all, I want YOU to be proud of yourself.

Tags below break

@heauxplesslydevoted @phoenixrising308 @chaoticchopshopheart @catchinglikekerosene @bex-la-get @irisofpurple @utterlyinevitable @alwaysmychoices @gryffindordaughterofathena @liaromancewriter @genevievemd @izzyourresidentlawyer @brokenmemoriesblog @dr-colossal-pita @coffeeheartaddict @secretaryunpaid @jamespotterthefirst @lsvdw-blog @adiehardfan @lem-20 @lady-calypso @shewillreadyou @anntoldst0ries @wanderingamongthewildflowers @burnsoslow @choiceskatie @lucy-268 @txemrn @thefrenchiemama @kat-tia801 @sfb123 @chemist-ana @eleanorbloom @takeharryandgo @perriewinklenerdie @sillydg @usuallyamazinglyaverage @mvalentine @a-crepusculo @the-pale-goddess @satrangee-ray @mm2305 @sirbeepsalot @writer-ish @thegreentwin @josiesopenheart @starryeyedrookie @issabees @monsoonblooms12

550 notes • Posted 2021-08-21 20:43:12 GMT

#1 I am even more proud of this

Rest in Power.

558 notes • Posted 2021-10-14 17:40:14 GMT

Get your Tumblr 2021 Year in Review →

#my 2021 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review

[aurora-daily]

AURORA

Interview by Stuart Williams for Euphoria Magazine (July 9th, 2021).

Norwegian songstress AURORA returns with brand new single “Cure for Me,” a glistening, message-driven piece that looks to set summer 2021 alight. “The ‘Cure for Me’ single was actually born two years ago,” she tells EUPHORIA in an exclusive interview. “I was in Australia on tour and then instead of having a day off in between the gigs, I asked my drummer and co-producer Magnus if we could rent a studio for a day and have some fun. I had this theme I wanted to get out of my head [hums melody]. I just really wanted to make a song with this ugly theme and we made it — my team kind of discovered it a few years later and said, ‘Ah, this is lovely, we should make it a single.’”

Speaking about the synth-laden track, AURORA finds herself reflecting on a controversial practice evident around the world. “It was originally inspired by those countries in the world that still forbid being gay and also the countries where conversion therapy is still allowed,” she says. “I think even in Norway it’s allowed — that’s the main reason I wrote this song. I was like, ‘I want to make a fun, celebration song about I don’t need a cure for me, I don’t need it, I’m perfectly fine.’ It’s absurd how the world can ever think that people will ever need a cure for love. Then I also know that it can mean a few different things, which I’m excited about, but it’s mainly the fact that it’s very easy to make people believe that there is something wrong with them. People tend to go to that fact so quickly — it takes so little before we’re like, ‘Oh, something is really wrong with me. I didn’t react the same way that they did, I must be fucked up.’ Or, ‘I don’t look like them; OK something is wrong.’ You know, we think something is wrong with us all the time and the media is telling us we’re not good enough. Everything all the time is trying to make us think that we’re insane. That’s kind of sad isn’t it? So it is kind of an opposite thing.”

With “Cure for Me” evoking a deepened understanding of an important subject to the artist, AURORA finds herself looking inward. “I am very lucky because I’ve never been that affected,” she shares. “I’ve been told many times in my life that, ‘You’re a bit [makes cuckoo bird sound].’ I’m very little Norwegian in many areas; I’m very Norwegian in some. It’s a very strange culture here and if you are very open, emotional, impulsive, and if you have a bit of a different brain, [it] doesn’t take much before you get aware even as a child that, ‘Oh, I am a bit different’ and it messes with your head a bit. It messed a bit with my mind in the beginning when I first started noticing it. I’ve never really cared and I don’t care now — I find so much joy and liberation in simply existing in the way that fits me the most. That’s a joy I find hard to let go of. We’re so diverse and that’s the whole point. That’s the foundation in our species that we are all different and we still manage to twist it around and make people feel bad about it.”

With the pandemic pushing live music events back further and further, the singer is eager to explore the track in a live setting. Speaking about her feelings from the release of the new single, AURORA says, “I wish I was nervous because I love being nervous, it’s like being in love isn’t it? But I am not nervous, I rarely am — it seems like a waste to me to be nervous about something I can’t control. But when I’m done with it, I need to just release it and it’s out of my hands, out of mind and out of sight — it belongs to the world. So no, I’m not nervous at all, but I am very excited. It’s always interesting and a fun experiment to see how people react when you do something a little different. It varies a lot what people think about it, so that’s very interesting to watch.”

Describing the process of creating the track, she says, “I like experimenting with the people you have around you. I like using the people I love and I like working with close people, you know. I feel like you don’t need to look out and search for the big names out there when you have talented friends, and you can just make music with them instead. Magnus is very good — I love working with him because he doesn’t write lyrics and interfere too much. I can’t write with anyone because I don’t like it so much, so it’s nice for me to be able to write and do what I want. When we produce the music we are sometimes very on the same page and sometimes we disagree. It’s fun to either fight for your opinion or learn that you were wrong, and I love that. We just have fun.”

Six years ago saw singer-songwriter AURORA release “Runaway,” the opener to All My Demons Greeting Me as a Friend, an album that saw her career catapulted into the stratosphere. Today “Runaway” has 275 million streams on Spotify, 140 million views on YouTube, and is rising week over week in the Official Singles Chart Top 100. Not only this, the track has also been given new life on social media app TikTok and is being streamed 2 million times daily. The roots of “Runaway” emerged at 11 years old, AURORA says. “I often think about that — of course our mind I guess perceives the past like, ‘Oh my God, it went so quick’ and I can remember things from when I wrote the song when I was 11 and now I’m over 10 years older than that. It is weird but I guess I remember the times, I’ve been really depressed two times in my life and then time moves so slowly that it’s exhausting and suffocating, so I feel like it’s a very good sign when you feel like time has gone past.”

It’s hard to believe that in 2015 the track found its way to the ears of a then-12-year-old Billie Eilish. It arguably led to Eilish starting her music journey — a career that has made her a global phenomenon. The track, AURORA says, has found a brand new life out in the world. “It has lived its life and therefore the success ‘Runaway’ is achieving I don’t manage to take it personally because it’s not me anymore, you know?” she says. “It’s sort of like, it’s a baby and every song is a child when you make them and it’s best part: making the child. It’s the most fun in every way, I think, in all possible metaphors. But I think when you raise the song, it’s a teenager or an adult and you just have to let them go and let them live their best life out there.”

Reflecting further on a younger version of herself, AURORA explores a very different mindset from that age and then now. “I remember when I first started writing I was really aware and had this epiphany that, ‘Oh my God, music can help with so much and music can speak about the unspoken. It can explain the unexplainable and put words into these impossible emotions,’” she says. “It has to do with being human. I took music very seriously, music was always very serious for me — very emotional and very explosive. Like a medicine, but I took it really seriously and I have so many sad songs. They all have a little light in them, I don’t manage to bring out sadness unless there is light to complement it I guess. I have so many sad songs and with time I kind of learnt that, ‘Oh my God, there is a whole world out there and people also need to dance and have fun in this life.’ I kind of learnt as I grew older that I can write songs that are fun and I can address things in the world that I love and hate, and I can speak up. Music can be much now: it can be a political force, it can be an emotional force and a release. Now I’m just enjoying all the signs of it. But it’s changed a lot, I’m more open now to what music can be, which is delightful.”

The human experience is a theme AURORA touches on throughout her musical output, however the physical act of producing art has been a huge outlet for the artist during this time. “I am very comfortable with this staying-inside-being-anti-social situation,” she shares. “It’s very good for me and I’m actually enjoying it quite a lot. Even though I can feel it in the people that [there is] this itch under the skin. I can feel the itch for things to change and go back to normal, but I’m also really enjoying things as they are now. I’ve been painting quite a lot. I always find it very intimidating to paint big pictures, obviously you know, it’s very easy to make a small piece of art, for me at least. I’ve been trying to make a really big one so it’s really big, and it’s very scary; but it’s very soothing. Painting to me is like the same as music but the opposite, because it’s an outlet for the art and it’s quiet and serene. While music is very explosive for me so it’s a very nice thing to have in my life. I feel very balanced.”

#aurora #aurora aksnes #interviews #cure for me #new album #magnus

[mercuryonparklane]

Since Taylor released “You All Over Me” last night and also posted the “Love Story” remix lyric video that includes a group picture with Emily in it, I am reposting this from my other blog (because at the time I posted it my other blog was too new to show up in the tags). I’m not necessarily saying that YAOM is about Emily...

Anyway, here is a post about “Breathe” and how it is the only Grammy nominated song of Taylor’s that she has performed just once:

Prior to Lover Taylor had 9 Grammy nominated songs (that appeared on her own records): “You Belong With Me”. “White Horse”, “Breathe”, “Mean”, “We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together”, “Begin Again”, “Shake It Off”, “Blank Space”, and “Bad Blood”.

According to Taylor herself, despite multiple requests from fans over the years, she has only sung “Breathe” live one time. She performed it for the first and, so far, only time on August 18, 2018 during her reputation Stadium Tour show in Miami.

I decided to compare this to how many times she has sung her other Grammy nominated songs (I chose not to include anything from Lover or folklore because she obviously hasn’t had the opportunity to perform those songs as she normally would):

(Disclaimer: the data related to the number of times Taylor has played each song comes from setlist.fm, so it may not be 100% accurate, but it is close enough to demonstrate the purpose of this post)

“Breathe”

Date of release (as a single): October 23, 2008

# of times Taylor has performed this song live in total: 1

“White Horse”:

Date of release (as a single): December 9, 2008

# of times Taylor has performed this song live in total: 137

“You Belong With Me”

Date of release (as a single): April 26, 2009

# of times Taylor has performed this song live in total: 381

“Mean”

Date of release (as a single): March 13, 2011

# of times Taylor has performed this song live in total: 196

“We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together”

Date of release (as a single): August 13, 2012

# of times Taylor has performed this song live in total: 272 (that # includes 1 time she performed the song as a mashup with “Bad Blood” and 53 times as a mashup with “This Is Why We Can’t Have Nice Things”)

“Begin Again”

Date of release (as a single): October 1, 2012

# of times Taylor has performed this song live in total: 75

“Shake It Off”

Date of release (as a single): August 18, 2014

# of times Taylor has performed this song live in total: 189

“Blank Space”

Date of release (as a single): November 10, 2014

# of times Taylor has performed this song live in total: 166

“Bad Blood”

Date of release (as a single): May 17, 2015

# of times Taylor has performed this song live in total: 141 (that # includes the 53 times she performed the song as a mashup with “Should’ve Said No”)

As you can see, there is a pretty glaring disparity between the number of times she performed the other 8 songs live compared to the 1 time she performed “Breathe” live.

The song was released as a promotional single in the lead up to the release of Fearless, but wasn’t really a main single. It never had a music video, which means that it was probably never meant to be pushed for the charts. Although, it did spend one week on the Billboard Hot 100 chart, peaking at #87 on the week ending November 29, 2008, following the release of Fearless.

The song was co-written with Colbie Caillat, who also features on the track. Colbie was fairly popular at the time, in particular her debut single “Bubbly” had been very successful the previous year. So, you might think Taylor’s team/label would have wanted to push this song a bit more, but for some reason they didn’t.

The song seemed to be received well by critics too. There were obviously plenty of people who thought the song was good enough to earn a Grammy nomination. Although, it did end up losing to Colbie’s other, more commercially successful collaboration (“Lucky” with Jason Mraz).

So, it has been established that the song was released as a promotional single, it was nominated for a Grammy, and it was a collaboration with a popular (at the time) artist. These three factors combined might make someone wonder why she didn’t perform this song live until almost 10 years after its release. Just to reiterate, Taylor performed “Begin Again”, the song she performed second least out of this list, 75 times compared to the 1 and only time she performed “Breathe” in 2018.

This brings me back to the point that all of these other songs have a music video and were pushed as singles, whereas “Breathe” was only a promotional single and never had a music video.

Perhaps it would be fairer compare “Breathe” with the other promotional single Taylor released in the lead up to Fearless (I am excluding “Change” because it does have a music video and was used during the 2008 Olympics):

“You’re Not Sorry”

Date of release (as a single): October 28, 2008

# of times Taylor has performed this song live in total: 124

Yes, that’s right. Taylor has performed “You’re Not Sorry”, a song that got about the same amount of promotion as “Breathe”, well over 100 times.

Fearless was Taylor’s sophomore album and it was her first tour as a headliner. She had two albums worth of songs, plus a handful of others, to choose from. “Breathe” did not make the setlist. The only other song from Fearless that was not a part of the main setlist for that tour was “The Best Day”, a song that she performed live 6 times between 2009 and 2018, including twice during the Fearless Tour.

So, “Breathe”, again, was:

co-written by and features an artist who was popular at the time

released as a promotional single

nominated for a Grammy

never performed live before August 18, 2018

Which begs the question, why did she wait so long to perform the song live?

It has pretty much been established that the song is about Taylor’s original fiddle player, Emily. Taylor has never named names on this one, but most Swifties, even non-Gaylors, think the song is about her. Colbie Caillat basically confirmed this longtime fan theory in an April 2020 interview, where she says that Taylor “was writing about something she was going through with a band member at the time, and she was pouring her heart out about it”.

Taylor did say in the “making of” video for “Breathe” that the song is about a friend:

“It was total therapy because I came in and I was like, ‘Look, you know, one of my best friends, you know, I’m gonna have to not see anymore and is not gonna be part of what I do and it’s, like, the hardest thing to go through.’ It’s, like, crazy listening to the song cause you’d think it would be about a relationship, but it’s really about, like, losing a friend and, like, having a fallout and just the loss…”

She also adds:

“It’s never specific as to why. That’s my favorite thing about it. It doesn’t talk about why or whose fault it was cause sometimes the hardest time and way to say goodbye is when it’s nobody’s fault. It just has to stop.”

But, again, I’m pretty sure that Taylor herself has never said that it was about Emily. The official story is that Emily left the band to attend law school, but there is a rumor that she was actually fired. More specifically, the rumor is that she was fired when the true nature of their relationship was discovered.

This is all old news to Gaylors, of course. I said in my first post for this blog that I would not go too far into this theory due to the fact that Emily was 21 when she was hired and Taylor was only 16 at that time. I do think it is possible that Taylor had strong feelings towards Emily and maybe those feelings were unrequited or maybe they were reciprocated. Either way, perhaps someone found out somehow and the fallout was Emily getting fired.

It is also not improbable that Emily decided that she didn’t really like being on the road or the business side of being a professional musician and wanted to pursue a different career. If that was the case, then I do wonder why Taylor felt the need to repeatedly sing “I’m sorry” at the end of “Breathe”.

The only thing that would make sense, other than a potential firing that Taylor somehow felt responsible for, is that they had a fight when Emily broke the news to Taylor that she was going to leave the band. Hence, Taylor feeling the need to apologize so profusely.

Even if that is the case (here is where I project a bit/draw from my own experience), it still seems, to me, like Taylor felt a deep connection to Emily that might have blurred the line between platonic and romantic feelings. Maybe Emily is the first woman that she had those feelings for (ignoring “Angelina” and “Me And Britney” for this point) and so when she left it hit her really hard. Thus, she couldn’t bear to sing about it, even by the time the Fearless Tour started almost a year and half later.

That is all speculation, of course. Still, I can’t help but wonder why she would let almost an entire decade go by before she decided to sing a literal Grammy nominated song on stage for the first time. Especially considering the fact that she has performed all of her other Grammy nominated songs well over 100 times, aside from “Begin Again” (which she has still performed 74 times more than “Breathe”).

#taymily #gaylor #gaylor swift

[goodguydotmp3]

two questions: why don’t you like harry and do you really think harry villanized the weed video or do you think that was the people attempting to court him (azoffs)

Whew, this is a long one folx!

Why don’t you like Harry [Styles]?

Let me preface this response by saying that I’m a pretty new “fan” if one can still call me that. I got into the One Direction fandom in the summer of last year, and much of my opinions of the boys where shaped by fan reactions. After gathering more and more information however, I realized that the fandom and I were wrong about some things, and over hyping others. 

Still, it wasn’t until this year that I actually broke out of the Harry-centric bubble to realize that the shady goings on where much worse than I originally thought. Add to this my realization that Harry’s music really doesn’t withstand the test of time, and that his persona is pretty Stagnant, and I’ve come to feel rather bamboozled.

Of course I know that the entire point of his PR team is to sway public opinion of him one way, and if I ate it up that was part of the plan. That doesn’t mean I have to like it. It also doesn’t mean I feel any less hurt about it. It also doesn’t mean that I like when other people fawn over him, as quite a lot of what I’m going to say has been public knowledge, and some of it before I was even a fan.

A. Music

 Actually getting to a big part of the problem here, his music isn’t good. Well, not long term like I said in the preface. He doesn’t really have much of a vocal range despite being a singer for more than ten years. He does not care and acts like he does, often leading to him sounding like he’s screaming instead of singing. He’s lyrics are boring and flat, and his melodies are fine, they just don’t make up for his unmemorable lyrics. I personally think that the cause is him more heavily relying on song writers to fill in more in more, but that’s mostly because I don’t want to believe that the same person who wrote Happily and Olivia also wrote At the Dining Table and Treat People With Kindness, because that would just mean he’s getting worse or putting forth less effort. 

Of course one could argue that I’m not a professional, I don’t have the necessary Jargon to correctly critique, and I’m no longer a singer so I can’t even do what he does. But to that I say fuck off. I know what sounds good! I know what I like! 

Even more than that though, If you bought a product (non food), and you could only use that product for the first two weeks you bought it, you’d say it was a shit product! You’d scream from the rooftops that no one should ever buy this product because it’s crap! Well guess what? I pre-ordered Fine Line just to listen for two weeks and never pick it up again except for golden, she’s a funky tune every couple months. 

Besides the test of time, there is still the subject of actual talent/listenability if you will. I feel there’s four main categories when I listen to music that makes it worth listening to

1.Amazing voice

2.Awesome lyrics

3.Funky/ cool ass melody/Beat

4.Catchy as hell

Now, a song doesn’t need to be all four, however the more they have the more likely I am to like the song. Also, I’ve said “main categories” because I’ve definitely had songs were I just through the beat drop was cool, or maybe the bridge was sick as hell, or maybe I just liked the pacing or the way the singer/singers stressed a note. Alternatively there is a sweet spot for me of super depressing lyrics but a melody/ that makes you want to dance. See: most of After Laughter by Paramore, Lola By Mika. But in general, those four usually make me love a song long term.

If it’s an album, it usually Just has to sound like it belongs on the same album/ tell a story. Like I really don’t like albums that sound like it’s just a playlist of songs personally. I should be able to listen to a song and go “oh yeah, that’s off --- album” or I didn’t like the album as a whole. An album is a bit like an outfit to me. It’s not going to be all tops, nor does it need to be monochromatic, but it does need to go together

For Example, I love Four as an album. I thought it was amazing. I still hate Spaces and Illusion. I hate both of their melodies, I don’t like the Illusion intro, I’m not to keen on those lyrics, and they’re definitely not catchy, I skip every time. 

So taking that logic to Harry’s music, I think HS1 works very well as an album, almost all of the songs sound like they’re supposed to be there. And I hate every song but Kiwi. The lyrics are boring/don’t make a ton of sense, the melodies definitely don’t make up for that, he doesn’t have the range, and none of them are catchy! And then you get to Kiwi and she’s got that vibe you know? She’s a pop punk bop and I cannot fucking believe that Harry has one pop punk bop among unmemorable pop rock album.

Going to Fine line, It’s not as great as an album. There are some songs that don’t really feel like they fit? Like just going through the album, cherry doesn’t have any business being there? Like the lyrics fit sure, but what is that weird intro and outro? It probably would have been fine If the song didn’t have those two, but having them there upset the pace a bit I felt. And then there was Treat People With Kindness, which was really Jarring and doesn’t feel like it belongs on the album at all? It  actually feels like it’s trying to be Kiwi - it’s loud and garish, and the lyrics are trying to be carefree, but! It just doesn’t work! TPWK sounds like Hippie music! Kiwi sounds like Brendon Urie could sing it and people would be like “good ol Panic!”. And then the album goes back down into Fine line the song, which again is Jarring because you’ve had this TPWK monstrosity right before it.

Then, looking at the overarching theme of his music, It’s whiny piss baby music He hates to take responsibility for his actions! It’s all in his lyrics! And don’t get me wrong, I love Honest lyrics, but not if the person is an asshole! LIke I fucking hate confessions by Usher specifically becasue he’s talking about how much he’s a piece of shit in the most whiny and piss baby way, making it all about him and no the people he hurt. I also really hate that one song that Zayn did with Usher and Chris Brown, because you have these awful men completely misunderstanding what it means to write a love song, and then you have Zayn at the very end all like “actually I really am in love tho…” Esp Chris browns verse! It boils down to “Hey I know I was a asshole seven billion times but I miss you tho :(“ GIRL BYE! 

Harry sounds the exact same though, Except he can’t even blame himself for his own mistakes, and just wades through self pity about how the object of his affection won’t love him even though he didn’t even do anything except it wasn’t his fault and why are you still mad it wasn’t even his fault and he was young and reckless and drunk and horny. Like??? WRITE A NEW SONG TAYLOR SWIFT 2.0! There’s only so much you can repackage the same narrative before it becomes stale no Cinderella does not count keep that shit coming. And It really jumps out in his writing, even through 1d, although I will say there were some catchy beats, and awesome lines to keep him afloat back then. Although wtf was Walking in the Wind??? Choke!

Then there are the melodies I’m talking post wondee here which often give this 70’s pop rock vibe. Which fine I guess, it’s his brand, but that doesn’t make it interesting. Or new. Or fresh. Or an interesting take. 

Now I completely understand relying on nostalgia to boost people’s opinion, but you could at leas have the decency to actually have good music. For Example, Miss you by Louis Tomlinson has a very distinctive pop rock feel, but it’s also an amazing song. Great lyrics, amazing voice, catchy liddle diddy that happens to be reminiscent of that 2005- 2010 punk pop/emo pop feel. Sour diesel has that like,,,basey 90s pop feel, and it fucking works with the lyrics, and of course his voice is beautiful. When Walls dropped and Lou put out that playlist of songs that were an inspiration, you can hear the influences when you listen to the album, but they’re also really good songs in their own right, with amazing lyrics, and Louis’ distinctive voice. Comparing that to Harry, it seems like he’s mostly relying on people’s nostalgia rather than actually good music.

Okay so this last point I’m making on music is a little petty but it’s been like a week and I’m still pissed about it so I’m saying it now. Someone said that Harry Styles is the best pop rock artist right now???? Just admit that you don’t listen to pop rock tf. Louis Tomlinson is right there. Brendon Urie is right there. Mika is right there. Haley Williams is right there. Janell Monae is right there. I don’t listen to a lot of pop rock lol but i feel my point has been made

B. Public Persona

He get’s so much clout! SO MUCH CLOUT! For doing the bare minimum (this is not specifically about the fandom, that’s for later)! People will write all these glowing reviews of him for him??? Being polite??? Like okay and? Just because a person is polite doesn’t mean they’re fucking Jesus??? There’s a million and one stories so i’m not fucking looking them up but there’s the pizza story and the fish story and the plane story and the snl story and the Stormzy story and the WS story on and on and on! Stop giving this man brownie points for basic human decency. “I didn’t expect him to be like that!” okay is that because of their perception of what a rock star is supposed to be like? Because in that case we need to start holding people accountable for being assholes. Or is it because he seems like an asshole. Cause valid.

I also don’t like him leaning so heavily on the queer image thing. Like! If that’s how he likes to express himself, Fine, But so much of it is just...so manufactured! And I Know I’ve heard people say oh well he wore the one rainbow on his lapel that one time or he wore the shirt or he wore the Keith Harring.

1. That Rainbow pin is sus as hell I don’t care what ya’ll say It absolutely screams set up, if he wanted to not be seen he would have not been seen 

2. That goes for literally every other time. I can’t believe it’s not a set up to push a queer image. (that he profits from!)

3. If he actually did his homework on Keith Harring he’d know that the man was a predator, and he wouldn’t have worn those shirts. It seems so performative! To add to that, does he know now? If so, why isn’t he using his platform to correct his mistake? Why didn’t he come out and let people know not to buy Harring’s stuff??? He knows the pull he has! He absolutely could have been like “I’ve made a mistake, if you are looking for queer artists to support, here’s some” But he fucking doesn’t

4. To add on to that last part, It is actually sus that he gets to profit off of this queer image, and yet the only queer voices that he’s propping up are white gays. And then not even directly? Not a “queer artists, esp queer artists of color are important and need their voices boosted because they are the back bone of society” but this wink nod type of deal, where again, he mainly boosts white gays.like??? One queer black woman that doesn’t work for the Azoffs, and then a bunch of white gays. Like?? That’s not racist to anyone else???????Just me? okay.

Now from a professional point of view, it’s even worse. I’m not saying that artists can’t be campy or blurr gender lines, or imply that they ‘re queer subtly. But I think it’s fucking disrespectful to play both ends. Like, he profits off of using the queer image, all while Dancing around the subject, but then on the back end he never says that Homophobes/Transphobes aren’t allowed in his fandom. He gives this empty ass tpwk and then washes his hands of it. 

Don’t get me wrong, I am always upset when people who have lots of queerphobes in their fandom bullying and harassing the actual queer people never say anything to let queerphobes know they’re unwelcome (clearly money is better than morals) but for me it’s an extra kick to the gut for it to literally profit Harry to seem queer. Look at that time that  gay company sold out shirts in less than an hour,because harry was wearing it and tell me people aren’t throwing money at him because they feel he’s queer. 

C. Fashion

This one is a really rough one for me because this is partially what drew me into Harry in the first place. But he’s really not all that in terms of fashion. He’s expensive certainly, but sometimes, the things that are more expensive are worse. Even When He’s not looking like a grandparent out on the town, his style is very dated, and yet he gets paraded around like he’s the freshest new thing?? Like who is his team paying of for him to get that many articles about how he’s fashion’s biggest star. And the thing is, his style is even dated for the mainstream. There’s already a post about how he copies prominent pop/pop rock stars of the 70s, which means that his style is 50 years old for the mainstream. Now don’t get me wrong, I think it’s totally fine if you’re addicted to seventies wear. I don’t think he should be heralded as this huge fashion star if his wardrobe is this dated

Even more than that. Gucci???? The Gucci with a history of Racism?? The Gucci with the child labor??? The Gucci with the 14 hour days Gucci??? Ugly ass Gucci????? Soulja Boy don’t even fuck with Gucci no more and he fuck with Gucci since like 2007. (although that was because of the racism, not cause it’s ugly)

I think that bothers me the most though. Like it’s not enough to exploit people, you also have to be tacky ugly and expensive???? For what??? @Gucci cease to exist please.

If Harry wants to be tacky ugly and expensive, that’s of course his rights to do so! But don’t act like he’s at the very pinnacle of fashion every time he does. 

I’m actually always very conflicted about that. I personally prefer a style that’s very loud and campy and avant garde but like,,,,that ain’t it. Maybe it’s something you got it or ya don’t??? Like for example Billy Porter could wear a trashbag and make it work. The expensive sweaters and the slacks? The suits? Not a good look on one Harry Styles. Maybe it’s because they’re expensive sweaters and slacks and expensive suits. What are you, Ted from accounting??? Grow up.

D. Treat People With Kindness

Ugh this is the thing that pisses me off like the second to most. This phrase is so fucking empty. You could not have made up a more corporate mandated phrase if you fucking tried. It stands for nothing! Just like him!

Let’s break it down. “Treat people with kindness” is, at face value, a call to action. It’s asking you to do something. But it doesn’t actually tell you what to do!! So it’s pretty inoffensive! You don’t actually have to change your behavior in anyway for two main reasons:

1. What the hell is Kindness??? This phrase never actually says what it is??? It’s just this short little punchy thing that assumes you know what kindness is! What if you didn’t actually know? What if you have differing ideals of what is considered kindness? I mean to my mother, Misgendering me is kindness, but I don’t think that’s kindness. To my father, not letting his children have autonomy is kindness, but I don’t find that kind. And yet they could both use that phrase and feel confident that they go around treating people with kindness. After all they cooked dinner didn’t they? They smiled at Janice from public relations didn’t they? That’s kindness right?

2. It also assumes you know what “people” are. Queer people are people. Queerphobes don’t consider queer people, people. Racists aren’t going to consider some people, people. So they can continue their harassment and dehumanization of them and still be treating people with kindness, because they never harmed actual people (to them)

E. Harry bots

Bitch?? Corporate spies?? Tf ??? That’s not weird to ya’ll ?? I think the thing that shocked me more than someone from Colombia records admitting that he manufactures the hype around people signed to Colombia, is the fact that the Fandom been knew!!!! Ya’ll been knew and ya’ll wasn’t gon tell me???????? I just found out last week wtf????????

Another thing I don’t like about them Harry bots, is it’s one thing to hype up Harry, but why tf do they need to shit on the other boys??? Is it because they’re more talented, good looking, and charming??? How about you get good!!!! I esp hate that it’s usually Louis. What is Corporate’s obsession with putting Louis down like? What a bunch of fucking weirdos?? It’s not enough to be a Harry fan and live up his ass, I gotta hate Louis too?? You lost yo damn mind. If you reading this and you a spy? Die.

F. Capitalism

Honestly that should be the end of it but here the fuck we go I guess. Now I get that there is going to be some capitalism involved when you get music, especially mainstream music, there are tones of articles out there with people who used to be in the industry telling you about how fucking awful it is, all in the pursuit of money. (Which isn’t fucking real by the way! We made it up! People out here getting traumatized! Belittled! Bullied! Married off! So some corporation can make all the money! The Imaginary Credits! That we made up! I hate it here!) 

But it’s another fucking thing to participate in a capitalist system? He invested into that one sleep app, even going to do one of the voice sessions (So you could have Harry Styles themed sleep paralysis) and you pay for that! He makes money off that! It’s not enough that you buy his mediocre music or his ugly ass merch, you also have to give him money through the sleep paralysis app. 

Then there was that Google Camp for Rich People Only! I don’t even want to fucking hear that it was on Climate Change oh wow all the rich people took helicopters and Yachts to a resort with manicured lawns??? To talk about how they treat the environment? That’s not at all Counter intuitive! Not at all for show! Fucking disgusting.

Oh and the Covid Shirt! Really bitch??? You need to Profit off a deadly pandemic? Are you profiting off of AIDS next you fucking bastard. And he can of course get a tax write of for his “ charitable donation” fuck off.

G. Racism

This! This is the thing that gets me the most! YA’LL CAN EXCUSE RACISM???

No, I’m not talking about the Native American Headdress thing, that was plenty despicable on it’s own, No I’m talking about the on going racism. The whole, using black people for clout and then dropping them and never returning the favor when they sing his praises thing. Specifically I’m thinking of Sis the activist, Stormzy, and Lizzo. 

The Lizzo thing pisses me off the most actually. I think it’s very fucking convenient that Harry started taking interest in Lizzo after there was uproar from black fans noting his hypocrisy of performing for Pepsi (Notoriously racist) and Having BLM sticker on his guitar. So he shows up at one of her concerts dressed like a senior citizen that got lost on the way to the retirement home bathroom. She looked fucking amazing and he couldn’t put forth the effort to at least not look senile. Then there was the covering of her songs, and then there was the cuddling up with her at the awards show. Funny how I haven’t seen any interaction after the fact! And Of course everyone forgot about the Pepsi concert! Fuck all the way off!!

Also! Are we just never going to talk about the fact that he didn’t comment on the blm protests earlier this year until his team could gauge whether or not it would be profitable to do so by DATA MINING HIS FAN BASE???? And then when he actually did he got the most praise for it, truly fucking hate it here. Also when he marched with those protesters he made sure we knew it was him. There were posts flouting around everywhere on how to best cover up to make yourself completely unrecognizable should you wind up on camera or fucking worse, get attacked by the police. Funny how Close Sprouse could follow the advice and not Harry? Also supper funny how he got the hell out of dodge before things got super bad and I have not heard anything on the matter since. Guess what Harry??? We’re still out here fighting for the rights to exist! Still wanna have a photo op while our own government tries to squash us with force????? This is like that Jenner Pepsi ad but with sunglasses and a pandemic.

H. Fandom

I think I would hate him less if I didn’t have to hear about him every hour of everyday. Stop Hyping this man so much. Even after unfollowing and blocking a bunch of Harries and Larries he’s all across my dash. And twitter. And insta. KURTIS CONNER FUCKING LIKES HIM I JUST WANTED CRACK CONTENT AND NOW LOOK. 

I. Conclusion.

After writing all this I think the running theme is that Harry Styles isn’t even a person, he’s a brand. I do not like or trust brands! And I definitely don’t like being advertised to! Just like It’s fake as fuck when Absolut is all about queer rights, it’s fake as fuck when Harry does it too. Just like I know Target doesn’t actually care about Black lives, I know Harry doesn’t either. People are always like “oh he’s so nice!” no! He’s polite! There’s a difference. Zayn Is a truly kind person. Liam is a truly kind person. Louis is a truly kind person. It shines though so brightly all the time, and yet people are really out here worshiping the Brand Harry Styles. 

Do I think It was Harry or The Azoffs throwing Zouis under the bus. 

Truly doesn’t matter! Whichever one did it, Harry was totally fine with it! Which tells me that he doesn’t give a shit about anyone but himself. He’ll go along with anything as long as it gets him to the top, and that’s fucked up on one million and one levels

#hazza curly mchazzerson #This is like 4 thousand words #Have fun #Harry Styles