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#yes this is 100% satirical
facelesspassport · 1 year
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How to be the Perfect Girl
...︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵... Serious trigger warning
♡ If you want to be a perfect girl, first and foremost, you must be white. No one knows what white really means, but if you achieve it you will be considered the pinnacle of beauty and goodness. ♡ Secondly, you must be prepubescent. Preferably around age 12, but can be as old as 15. Puberty makes a girl's body become inherently sexual and mars her purity, which is why many potential suitors will lose interest after you reach a certain stage of your development. Be sure to stay thin, with breasts swelling but not too pronounced, and hips not quite filled out. ♡ Thirdly, you must be a virgin. ♡ Next, you must give your virginity, body, and soul to one man who sees you as the object of his desire. Be sure to select someone who truly deserves to have you- a sympathetic character who is a bit of a charity case- not too handsome or respectable. While executing this step you must refrain from asking for anything in return from this man- this includes reciprocity of your feelings and actions. A demand for reciprocity will nullify any good deeds!
♡ Finally -and this may be the most crucial step of all- you must commit suicide before your body finishes its development. For best results, commit suicide in a graceful way that isn't an inconvenience to others. My favorite methods include slitting of the wrists, CO2 poisoning, and sleeping pills (but try not to foam at the mouth as this is very unsightly). There, now you know how to achieve female perfection :-) Go out there and make your community proud!
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appri-dot · 1 year
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I will watch 100 Garten of Banban before I let Rainbowfriends take over my YouTube rec page‼‼💥
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flwoie · 1 year
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MY GOD. I NEED TO STOP READING FOR A SEC CAUSE IVE BEEN FANGIRLING FOR THE PAST 41 MINUTES AND I FEEL BAD FOR NOT ANSWERING IT BCECAUSE I KEPT CRYING EVERYTIME I LOOKED AT IT
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"Weird Al" Yankovic - White & Nerdy 2006
"White & Nerdy" parodies the song "Ridin'" by Chamillionaire and Krayzie Bone. It both satirizes and celebrates nerd culture, and includes many references to activities stereotypically associated with nerds and white people, such as collecting comic books and action figures, editing Wikipedia and playing Dungeons & Dragons. The music video features Seth Green, Keegan-Michael Key and Jordan Peele. Repeated scenes shows Yankovic along with Donny Osmond (the "whitest guy I could think of", according to Yankovic) dancing in front of the Schrödinger equation.
The song became Yankovic's first career Top 10 hit on the Billboard Hot 100. It peaked at #9, beating his previous #12 peak for 1984's "Eat It". This was also his first Top 40 single since 1992's "Smells Like Nirvana". Both "White & Nerdy" and Straight Outta Lynwood were certified gold, and later platinum, by the RIAA. This marks the first time any one of Yankovic's singles has been certified platinum. Total yes votes are 67,3%!
If you like Yankovic, make sure to also watch the totally historically accurate 2022 film about him; Weird: The Al Yankovic Story, starring Daniel Radcliffe.
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rendezvouz-fling · 1 year
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Astro Observations #26
• Now idk if I’m onto something but I feel like your Vesta sign might appear in your relationship’s composite chart! E.g. My Vesta is in Aries in the 11H and most of my composite charts have Aries stellium/Aries placements in the 11H. {Might do a Vesta observations post next}
• Yes the 11H is associated with friendships and partnerships often but I think you should also check your 6H! Overall I think it’s more accurate too given 6H represents routine so it symbolize people you see/talk to on the daily. E.g. I have Scorpio in the 6H and most of my best friends are Scorpio suns/placements!💜
• That also applies for sidereal btw!!
• Whatever sign you have over your 3H is the sign you might find more intriguing to talk to! E.g. if you’re a 3H Leo you might find Leo mercuries/placements very stimulating or knowledgeable! • Gemini-Pisces mix culture is falling for mentally stimulating people you romanticize in your head.
• I find Water sun men with Scorpio risings are usually average to tall height! E.g. Dick Clark was a Scorpio sun/rising and he was 5”8 & Freddie Prinze Sr was a Cancer sun, Scorpio rising and he was around 6”2.
• I’ve noticed most (not all) fire moons tend to have moms with opposite elements in their big 3 and dads with air moons! E.g. One of my Leo moon exs has a Taurus sun-Libra moon mother and an Aquarius moon father, my Aries moon best friend has a Sagittarius sun-Scorpio moon mom and an Aquarius moon dad and there’s this Sagittarius moon I know who has a Libra sun-Taurus moon mom and a Libra moon father!😅
• People with Air moons normally tend to have parents with Earth in their big 3. E.g. I’m an Aqua moon, my mom’s a Virgo moon. Two of my cousins who are siblings, are Aqua and Libra moons and their parents are Virgo suns.
• I feel like earth moons give more of a grounded or down to earth vibe when you’ve just met or aren’t that close with them.. But if you do get close to them/get to know them better you’ll notice how lively yet sometimes impatient/passive aggressive they can be lol.
• Air moons on the other hand can seem quite charming & socially active/restless but they’re actually pretty chill people once you get to know them better—just more mentally active lol.
• Fire moons may seem mean—mainly because of their erratic sense of humor and their sarcasm—but they’re actually really caring, loyal and honest people.
• Then Water moons.. They’re actually deep people. Yes they’re very affectionate and sometimes naive, but most water moons I know are very emotionally intelligent with strong intuition.
• Imo, Pisces venuses don’t get the friendly, self-sacrificing recognition they deserve. They tend to put others not just their partners before themselves and are willing to go to the ends of the earth for those they love/care about.
• Aquarius venuses are CHILLL lmao.😂
• Fire mercuries/mercury in fire degrees/houses have some of the loudest yet hysterical laughters!😂✋🏽
• Also, they tend to be into blue comedy, satire & slapstick.
• This doesn’t get talked about but Gemini placements can indicate having split parents/2 families! E.g I’m a Gemini rising and my parents split when I was 4 then my dad went on to have another family. Another example, 2 of my cousins who are Gemini suns and an ex of mine who’s also a Gemini sun ALL have split parents/2nd families. I have a bestie who’s a Gemini moon and the same applies to him lol.
• Mercury signs won’t 100% indicate if you get along well or not, it’s more about the moon sign. E.g. One of my best friends is a Scorpio mercury with a Gemini moon and we get along really well then my mom’s also a Scorpio mercury but with a Virgo moon and we can’t have long conversations without butting heads. Also, one of my other besties is a Libra mercury (opposite mine which is in Aries) and we get along reallyyy well.
• Whichever your dominant element is might indicate which venus signs you get along with best. E.g. I’m Air/Water dom and I attract/get along with best Gemini/Libra & Scorpio venuses!
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xxgothchatonxx · 5 months
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20 years on, I still think Jason Isaacs is the best Captain Hook.
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Now, there are other Hooks that have been done after him that I mostly love (*slaps Warner Bros. upside the head* NOT YOURS) but Jason is exactly who I picture when I read about Hook.
He maintained the perfect balance of being funny ("YOU CALL THAT A FAVOUR?!") but also being legitimately intimidating. I like a good funny Hook, but J.M. Barrie's Captain Hook is a scary villain in the book. And that's what we saw with Jason Isaacs' performance. Especially in the scene where he taunt Peter with the reality of Wendy growing up. True, it's not in the book, but it's still very much in-character for Hook to do that.
Also this is the only on-screen Hook that i know of whose eyes glow red, like they did in the book.
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He was also sexy. Yep, that's part of Barrie's Hook too. He is an attractive man. Jason describes it quite brilliantly as "seductive yet repulsive at the same time". It presumably goes back to the satire on gender standards Barrie was writing with George Darling, because Hook is a charming, attractive gentleman who carries himself well, but is also a cruel, vile villain. Yet would still be more respected in Edwardian society than George because, you know, Hook went to Eton.
And his attractiveness does tie in to Wendy developing her sexuality in this film. Yes, the uncomfortable sexual tension between Wendy and Hook was 100% intentional. So, there's another layer to his villainy. I've seen that aspect of Hook's character be done in another film (The Lost Girls) and... yeah, it was too much. Too obvious.
Jason Isaacs' Captain Hook is representative of the darker side of growing up. And for a PG family film done in 2003, it's pretty incredibly how much they were able to get away with in just how dark of a villain he was.
I'll finish (for now) with saying that Jason also has an incredible understanding of the appeal of this story, and the appeal of this film in particular. So, I highly recommend looking that up, particularly with this interview
Couldn't have asked for a better Captain Hook. Also congrats, Jason, on cementing Hook as one of the ultimate Daddy Issues villain crushes.
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judaicsheyd · 11 months
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Hello, I'm not trying to ask this in bad faith but how is working with Lilith antisemitic?
I'm just curious and in no way trying to offend. (Also I don't work with her.)
Hey there! I got very very close to answering this privately because the more Lilith content I post the more antisemitism I seem to face, and I just don't have the energy to deal with that ATM, but I'll post it publicly in the name of education. I'm also on mobile so apologies for formatting/grammatical errors.
First and foremost, Judaism is 100% closed. This means that everything within Judaism, whether or not it's "good" or even worshipped, is still closed. If countless people from a closed culture tell you not to touch something because it is ours, one should just listen to that already. That is the most important part of this entire argument.
Lilith was first reclaimed and seen as a positive feminist figure by Jewish feminists, and was a symbol against the intersection between antisemitism and misogyny, as well as the misogyny Jewish women may face within their own communities. Even this symbolic version of her has been stolen and stripped of her Jewishness, which is antisemitism in action.
Adding on to points #1 and #2, taking Lilith and stripping her completely of her Jewishness is antisemitism. It has happened countless times to Jewish figures, ideas, and beliefs, it is antisemitism. By interacting with her as a non-Jew, you are taking her out of her Jewish context, and stripping her of her identity.
The narrative of Lilith being the first wife of Adam, rebelling against Gd, and becoming a hot sexy demon goddess is not her true story. This story originates within a satirical work (the Alphabet of Ben Sirach) which also talks quite literally about pissing and farting and a bunch of other crude stuff because it was a work made to be stupid. In actual Jewish lore, Lilith was never a human, period. The idea that this story is the true Jewish idea just continues to erase actual Jewish narratives and the reality of her story.
I have seen countless Lilith appropriators say that, yes, the Kabbalah is closed and so is every other part of Judaism, but just not Lilith. This statement already doesn't make sense, but also one cannot interact with Lilith in a vacuum. One cannot interact with Lilith outside of Judaism. A heart cannot beat outside of the body it belongs to. You cannot interact with Lilith without inherently interacting with all these other aspects of Judaism.
I'm a bit busy at the moment, so this was slightly rushed, but I believe I have covered every point. If I think of others later, check the replies and I will tag you in them. I hope this helps, and thank you for the respectful inquiry!
Ignore the tags, B"H.
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actual-changeling · 4 months
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ohhh yanno...I think sometimes why I get so uncomfortable with meta and theories with GO (specifically in defense of Aziraphale) is that it really starts to resemble pro Christianity rhetoric...and I totally believe that everyone should feel free to believe/not believe in any sort of religion they choose...but it starts to get real uncomfy real fast when I'm reminded of my own christian family and their condemnations of me and the experiences I went through growing up christian and then realizing I didn't believe in any of it...
and for some people maybe that IS why they so staunchly defend Aziraphale, but for me, it's why his actions made me so mad, and why the firm "aziraphale defenders no matter what" lowkey skeeve me out...like that post you said about knowing Aziraphale in real life...yeahhhh no I'd never be friends with him, and maybe that does make me too biased for Crowley, bc I'm imagining myself in his position, bc I HAVE BEEN in that position, but idk I just can't find it in me to defend angel characters or super pro christian type thinking ones when too much of irl has been negatively affected by those types of people. and yeah fiction is not reality but when the premise of GO is a satirical look on religion idk it's just iffy to be so pro angel/heaven imo (obviously this isn't about those who view it with nuance hahaha)
I know what you mean anon, I definitely feel the same.
Seeing people fall into angel good/demon bad without even noticing is... painful, to say the least. Defending all of Aziraphale's actions because he had "good intentions" or "still has faith" or "was traumatized by heaven" is harmful and unhealthy to say the least, and it 100% looks like pro-Christianity rhetoric at times.
We're supposed to look at Aziraphale and see somehow who yes, has good intentions, but has refused to deal with his trauma and problems and ends up making incredibly bad choices as a result. He is supposed to change, so defending his actions is counter-intuitive to the message Neil and Terry want us to receive.
Aziraphale is that kid who tells you sure, it's fine to no believe in God, but you will go to hell and suffer forever, who tells you everyone just needs to "try harder" and that "poor people have mor opportunities" (I still cannot process that he canonically says and believes that), who tells you that you can be gay, but don't be it in front of the children or any people.
Aziraphale is the guy who refuses to deal with his internalized homophobia and asks his queer friends to go back into the closet because he cannot deal with seeing queer people be happy while he is stuck in self-induced misery.
There are reasons why so many people are uncomfortable with his behaviour and ideologies—and you are supposed to be.
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streaming-yn · 2 years
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can wwe have some shy!streamer and dsmp streamer duo names pls?? :3
yes yes ofc :)!!
p! cc! multiple x shy! y/n
included: Tommy, tubbo, jack manifold, dream
nothing about the reader is specified except they're shy and a streamer, though it was written with minor!reader in mind lol
Tommy
u see fans were gonna go w pressure duo since the first time y'all interacted he carried every convo y'all ever had and you were just like "ah... um, yeah heh;;" so it was like, the pressure to try and make convo cause u felt guilty that he started and carried them all 😭✋
but then someone was like "y'all is that a bit too close to peer pressure duo??", it was split but eventually jitterduo got more popular so everyone switched to that :)
named jitterduo because you both got the jitters!! Tommy is just extroverted so it seems like he has the jitters and you're just super nervous/shy so you do have the jitters
pls ur duo name is cute </3 /pos
Tubbo
pickles duo
allow me to explain:
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every pickles duo artist has drawn that pic at least once btw, anyway
at first it was a joke then they were like yes yes so true and bam is was ur genuine duo name
the joke surfaced from one of your first interactions and how that energy lasted through the friendship
you left the voice channel with multiple of the dsmp members to chill in a different vc for a little because all that social stimulation at once was getting overwhelming for you
but you promised chat you'd rejoin after you recharged your social battery (most of them didn't push and were reminding you to take care of yourself first)
after a little bit tubbo realized you were gone, and he knew you were shy, it was basically common knowledge to anyone who has seen any of your content, and ngl he felt a little guilty so he left vc and joined yours!
he asked if you were alright and if you needed him to "tell them to shut their faces", you, of course, declined with a little laugh
alas it was rhetorical and he left your vc anyways 😕 you talked to chat before tubbo rejoined and told you it should be ok to rejoin the main vc without getting a headache now
your defender against Tommy /lh
is it purely bc it is just another reason to bicker? uh, maybe but we don't talk abt it 💀
jack manifold
buffer duo / buffering duo
look at me at tell me I'm wrong
there's a popular hc that c!jack is a cyborg type thing and he's just overall associated with robots
what do electronics (including most robots) do that causes them to pause for a while / stutter?
buffer
as in load
bc ur shy so u stumble over your words a lot and just stay quiet usually at first
aka u buffer
BAM duo name 😌💕
Dream
what if I told u it was end duo 😭
ok let me explain,, dream has defeated the ender dragon many times
he usually wins his manhunts
you're shy, and not very good at socializing
so what do you want to happen to pretty much every social interaction?
you want it to end
another duo name that was 100% satire, literally just a shitpost for laughs and then the fans ran w it 💀
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brotoman-exe · 25 days
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So seeing as the trailer is finally out and one of my more frequently revisited posts is about this movie let's talk the trailer. Now these are off the cuff barely put together ramblings with like an hour to think on it so don't take this as a final verdict or my hardest stance ever.
The Good
- It looks generally alright. There is some clear signs someone was flipping through the art book for the War For Cybertron games when designing a lot of this stuff. As well I'm interested to see how the 'surface' is seeming to be overgrown with plant life and the like.
- Alpha Trion and some sort of grave, of the other 13?, shows up and seems like they are going with the G1 style of him making Optimus and Elita into their present selves, just adding Megatron and Bumblebee there.
- Elita One even getting to be a major player is pretty neat. Really a rise to prominence from a time when I think people didn't even know female characters existed before Arcee.
- Also Quintessons seeming to be an oppressive class enslaving the Cybertronians is another good G1 call back.
- Also having both Orion and M-16 start as workers is nice since it means you can't accuse Optimus of not knowing just how bad the system was when he opposes Megatron going full Peace Through Tyranny.
The Bad
- The dialogue, like you know it, I know it, and everyone else knows it. Now to start not saying Transformers can't be goofy or funny, '80s film everyone has a dance party to Weird Al and fandom loves the hell out of that movie. But that felt more organic to G1s general sillier side versus this where it feels the writers looked up a bunch of posts satirizing later stage MCU diaologue and thought "yes let's do that".
- Bumblebee being there, since seems he is just being shoved in as comic relief and cause marketers love Bumblebee versus a fourth main character being needed for this story.
The Fear
This is more speculation on from what the trailer presents could be bad about the film but I can't say 100% from the trailer.
- Elita One being in the movie being reduced to other three main characters are going to spend parts of the movie having the hots for her or the plot being configured into any kind of terrible love shape. (I will barely accept a love triangle with Orion and M-16 if those two are also onto each other. Transformers made enough strides in LGBT rep to not back slide into the worst of Het writing now.)
- Bonus negative points if Elita One getting hurt or dying is used as the final straw for Optimus and Megatron's relationship breaking apart.
- The reveal of the names Optimus Prime, Megatron, and Elita One not being allowed to be good moments and instead get ruined by shitty jokes (Like how the RWBY/Justice League film had to constantly make jokes about Superman being called Superman. I get it writers are so above silly naming schemes like that in the 2020s now, but just shut up)
- Speaking or other things that are atrocious I'm worried this movie is going to pull a Devil May Cry reboot and just have Megatron swerve into "I wanna be Big Dick Dictator of the Galaxy" two seconds after they beat the Quintessons like how Fedora!Vergil went "I'm actually evil and we should now in some vague way rule the world Dante" right after the 'Kingpin From Marvel but turned into a giant made of buildings' boss fight. So no time will be given to the deteriorating state of Orptimus' and Megatron's relationship before hand. That or they sequel bait the downfall and we have to cross our fingers it was good enough to get a sequel.
- The Quintessons will have their menace damaged by bad pot shot jokes/references to the original animated movie.
- We spend all movie with MCU quips Bumblebee but Starscream never shows up.
The Hope
But that is all nerves and speculation as so far I've just seen a single trailer. So what about positive possibilities.
- The major one is the trailer is just cut by brainless add executives and a lot of the worst quips are either not in the movie or there is way more good dialogue and the stuff in the trailer was all of it.
- They actually do give some other members of the Decepticons appearances and completing backstories of their own.
- Optimus and Megatron are in unambiguous romantic love before the big break up.
- They do some really interesting stuff with the lore based on some of that cool environmental design. Perhaps a more interesting version of Megatronus for Megatron to be inspired by?
- Lastly this film just needs to clear the low bar set by most of the Bay Films to not be bad at this point. And I highly doubt this movie can do anything to hit the "Your Racist Uncle" level of some Revenge of the Fallen scenes or "Mmm I sure do love high school girls" level of the first one and especially Age of Extinction scenes.
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narcissisickk · 1 month
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jjk headcanons
hi I bad at writing story so headcanon 😓😓 ahyway this isss.. hm 🤔 shoko headcanon
yes I am a minor but almsot everyone reads smut so if I do that rip 🙂 bear (or is it bare idk??) with me cuz it’s RLLY hard for me to get myself to write smut bc it’s embarrassing
TW // swear (this isn’t satire but im literally never serious to cope w the shit and cringe so sorry abt that I’ll try to be serious next time :3) and also not rlly smut but like suggestive themes and m_sturbation is mentioned hehahaha
FEM bodied reader but not fem gendered
girlfriend!shoko will argue with you about your health then proceed to smoke a fucking cigarette
girlfriend!shoko t0uches herself to photos of you in her room at night
girlfriend!shoko has a big ass strap that she uses on your dumbass when she’s mad (with consent ofc)
girlfriend!shoko has a photo of u as her lock screen!! ☹️☹️
girlfriend!shoko is 100% a top NO questions asked
anyway im done with this im not creative enough I’ll check in tmrw ahehahaha
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hanbindans · 9 months
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BARBIE OR OPPENHEIMER 🎤🎤
there's 3 categories of people and those are barbie, oppenheimer, and barbenheimer a/n: my friend told me this is a thing so here's my 2 cents on which movie I think they would see. as always this is satire don't take it too seriously and if you disagree please discuss with me in the comments/reblogs/my asks because I think this type of discourse is so fun! <3
jiwoong
oh he is the barbenheimer-est. would do a whole ass film analysis as he's watching oppenheimer and then he will head empty, feel all the feels at the barbie movie. actually he's probably THE best person to do the barbenheimer with.
hao
barbiebarbiebarbie like is this even up for debate?? there's a 100% chance he is going to be crying in the back of the theatre but even when he walks out of the movie theatre with red, puffy eyes he will never admit to crying.
hanbin
I feel like he would try to do a barbenheimer but would get bored and walk out of oppenheimer and just go straight to the barbie movie instead 💀 he is also a crier but unlike hao he will admit to it.
matthew
oppanheimer.
tayray
hmm... for me he's a perfect 50/50 split, it would depend on the day kind of? but he's still not a barbenheimer because I don't think this man has the patience to do both in a row (😭) like he is both barbie and oppenheimer but not barbenheimer if that makes sense??
ricky
ah yes, the man who is oppenheimer by day and barbie by night.... actually I'm so inclined to say barbie because duh he's lovelicky but do we really think he would see the barbie movie?? ....... I say oppenheimer but for the record he is still barbie coded.
gyubin
LITERALLY KEN of course barbie. he is also crying in the back of the theatre with hao but will not only deny crying- will literally deny going to see it like you saw him at the cinema in a pink polo shirt? no you didn't <3
gunwook
so fucking oppenheimer but he will go into that theatre and watch it with full geopolitical context and analyse the hell out of it and complain about all the things the movie got wrong when he walks out (him and jiwoong in the back of oppenheimer with notepads)
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your-sweet-cookies · 1 year
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How to date Niragi guide for dummies - 15 easy steps to tame your local neighborhood sexy sniper masochist! (meme post)
(A/N: Please note that this post is meant only for satire and ironic parody comedic purposes, so take it as is. No hate intended towards anyone. <3)
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[insert catchy commercial jingle here 🔊]
Are you perhaps one of those very sad, depressed and unlucky Niragi stans who, for some odd reason, can't seem to make this man bathe an eye at you or even spit in your direction, no matter how hard you try? If yes, then you've come to the right place that can help solve all your life's problems!
Hello and welcome to the one and only "How to Date Niragi" guide for idiots dummies, your number #1 starter pack essential for those who want to catch their own Niragi, but are still unsure about how to do it! Our researchers say that if you follow this guide, your chances at getting laid and secure a (somewhat) healthy relationship with the sexy beast of the Borderlands, the one and only Niragi Suguru, will increase by 75%, since the method has proven very effective with a 100% success rate in 3 out of 4 cases!
So now that we've got that out of the way, before we get to the "bread and butter" of our 'scientific' paper, let's start with what you'll need to have in your resources pack, in order for you to make sure that your success rate will grow to 100%:
unresolved childhood traumas (preferably a very traumatic experience with bullying) - Nothing says 'true love' better than two people who'd been through the same amount of shit and can understand each other better than anyone, so the more you'll have in common with Niragi, the higher your chances at making him yours! since you'll know what the f*ck not to ever bring up in your conversations and have the best knowledge for showing him the moral support he so desperately needs, but refuses to admit he wants! So yeah, the more unresolved traumas you have, the better, especially if they revolve around bullying and parental neglect! Also, if these traumas left you slightly unhinged, props to you!👍
a very morbid and unhealthy curiosity - Being curious to scoop about everything and anything about your obsession crush will come in handy when pursuing Niragi, because the more things you'll know or want to know about him, the more Niragi will know how important his person is in your life, which will flatter his narcissistic and possessive ego.
lack of self-awareness and a low as f*ck self-esteem- Niragi looooves his girls all vulnerable and obedient, so the more you are willing to accept and take from him in your relationship, the better! He's a very controlling man, so you also should be prepared to give up on your independence and prsonal life! And don't forget that romancing Niragi also implies pledging complete devotion and loyalty to Niragi and Niragi only to the point you'd give up your life for him!
God tier level flattery skills - As mentioned before, Niragi is a very egocentric and narcissistic man, so if you want to get his attention, you better start working on those complimenting skills, sistah! If you already are a writer or poet, then you are on the right path! Shower this man in compliments, treat him as a God, impress him with the way you word yourself! It also helps if you have your way with words when it comes to manipulating persuading your Niragi into loving you.
a good intelligence - Niragi is a very smart man, just as much as he's handsome, so it's gonna come in handy if you are a clever little cookie too! Show him that he can find a good ally in you, someone he can trust and lean on as a partner too, not only to use you as his personal sex toy. It might seem a bit contradictory to the point about having a lack of self-awareness, since smart people would normally stay away from a clearly toxic and abusive relationship like the one you are about to enter, but being a helpless case of lovestruck idiot doesn't mean you can't also be a book smart one!
obsessive and manic tendencies - While Niragi is a possessive and controlling man himself, he'll find it attractive if you are the very jealous and possessive type yourself. He likes his 'kittens clawed', if you know what I mean. Don't ever dare accuse him of jealousy/cheating, but if he'll see you going on killing sprees to take down the b*tches threatening to steal your man, it'll get him hard.
good cooking skills - A man's heart goes always through his stomach, so bonus points if you know how to cook.
good manipulation skills - We'll talk about these later, but trust me, the more deceiving you are, the better!
You done taking notes on what you have and what you're still to acquire in order to complete your perfect resources pack? Perfect! Let's move on now to what you came here for in the first place: the important things to remember and follow if you want the taming process to go as planned!
1. DON'T seem too impatient! - One of the biggest turn offs for a Niragi is when he's being approached by a d*ck starved groupie that makes it obvious she/he/they want(s) him to f*ck her/his/their brains out! So be subtle, approach your Niragi the same way a cat stalks its prey: observe from afar, make your way slowly towards your target and then... Strike! Try making it seem as if you approaching him was a mere coincidence, a simple curiosity of the moment due to the fact that his interesting and alluring presence and vibe of mystery caught your eye. You are the mastermind in this game of 'cat and mouse', so keep your gosh darn composure and lay your pieces carefully!
If you already have deep feelings for him, don't let it show, try to make it seem as if this is the first time you've ever met him and you've just felt like striking a conversation with a random stranger to ease your night out. You can also point out the fact that you've heard various rumors about him, to spike his curiosity, and then note that you don't really believe them and would like to find out for yourself if they're true. This will also give you the daring air of a challenge in Niragi's eyes since he's used to people fearing him, so a little innocent 'lamb' like yourself being unafraid of the 'big bad wolf' will sure seem amusing and worth exploring. And always, but always, have that gentle sweet air of innocence! Let him think he has the upper hand in this game and that he is the one manipulating you forward.
Tips of ways in which to start a conversation with your Niragi: if you are a newcomer to the Beach, ask him to be the one to introduce you to the place, bring up the fact that you've heard how important of a member of The Beach he is and that you admire his imposing and confident demeanor and that's why you want HIM specifically to be your guide; another method would be inviting him for a drink to start up a conversation, since incentives work most of the time; partner up with him for the night's game and show him how valuable you are in order to spike his interest in you so maybe he'll come seek you afterwards OR play the dumb little kitten route and rely on him to feed his ego that he's the best and strongest out there; lastly, if you approach him in the real world, try again to be subtle, go for a mundane subject, that might interest him even if just a little, ask him if a rumor about him is true to make him want to talk to you to clear it up and find out where it started from (this kind of leaves a mark in his memory to help him remember who the f*ck you are the next time you come seek him) or apply again the first strategy of inviting him out for something (but you might need to have done some previous small talk on random crap that kept him somewhat interested to make him want to continue conversing with you, in a more enjoyable way).
2. Talk about yourself as much as you ask him to share about himself - Since now you secured Niragi's attention enough so that he's willing to exchange a word or two with you, it's time to slowly show interest in him and that he's captivating enough to you to actually want to know him, but don't make it look as if you're literally interrogating him, share stuff about yourself too in relation to the conversation topic. This will help form a feeling of mutual trust between you two and won't make him question your true motives for coming to him. As always keep it subtle, make him want to continue talking to you, show a little bit of vulnerability (but not too much either), and if you feel bold/confident enough, you can also throw in a lil bit of flirting too (but again, DON'T throw yourself at him).
3. Build up that sexual tension baby! - Niragi LOVES a good sexual tension moment! Plus, we want him to be future boyfriend material, so it's important that you don't let him have his way with you from the very first 'date'. Make some flirty comments here and there after a while, because we all know Niragi is the type who's gonna show interest in 'that' too. Make him start to want you, crave you, but show him that you won't be that easy of a prey. One of the reasons he has a r*pe kink after all is because he loves when his victim prey tries to oppose him, showing resistance to some capacity, making the hunt more interesting and more worth engaging. So apply a similar principle here too (we don't want you to get in the position of an assault tho! so take it slow and easy), spike his interest by showing him that you might want to bed him, but at the same time play hard to get, be that 'forbidden fruit' he's going to crave getting a taste of, keep him in suspense and build up the sexual tension little by little with each and every interaction. Stir him up just enough so that he'll continue wanting to hunt you down, but not to the point in which he'll want to cut the chase short and get what he wants then and there!
4. DON'T EVER mention therapy - We've already established that Niragi is a prideful man, so he won't ever admit he needs to see a therapist, so take your mind off of even trying to attempt to 'fix' him. Repeat after me babes: PEOPLE ARE NOT YOUR PERSONAL DIY PROJECTS TO FIX! You choose someone to puruse romantically because you love them the way they are and for who they are, not because you are a dumb b*tch who believes all these crappy webtoon tropes.
So throw to the bin that bs cliche trope of 'I CaN FiX hIm!". You knew what you were signing up for the moment you decided to pursue this chase. If you truly love and want this man for yourself and yourself only for the rest of your life, you have to accept the fact that you ain't gonna change him and chances he's going to willingly want to change on his own are extremly low to 0 (this ain't fu*king Mr. Darcy babe) and especially NOT for you (unless maybe, just maybe, he actually falls down bad for you, in which case the most you'll get will be him trying to be just a little less violent and a tad bit more romantic towards you, but don't expect much). Niragi will appreciate if he'll see that you accept his decisions and who he wants to be, so show that you are there for him and support him no matter what the heck might happen (you are after all his loyal devotee, remember?). So yeah, one thing you should never tell Niragi (besides the obvious "NO" and "STOP") is to go to therapy. And DON'T even f*cking try therapying him yourself if you value your life! Triggering his past traumas ain't never a good idea.
5. The 'Friendzone' strategy - Ah, this is a personal favorite of mine to be honest, cause it goes well hand in hand with 2 and 3 and will help you secure that good starting point from 1. Thing is that most often than not, a Niragi might grow tired and even bored of the swarm of people wanting to romance him. So give him something different, be the 'exception' from the rule, that 'special' one that doesn't want to f*ck him (as stated at 1, be subtle and don't seem d*ck starved), be that odd one out who spikes his interest by simply wanting to be... FRIENDS!
We all love the enemies to lovers trope, but in real life, the one that works best for romancing someone is the friends to lovers approach, and so will it work in our quest too. Love is built on things two people have in common, things they share with each other, the nice things the two partners build together and the quality time they spend together. So, by becoming his friend first, you assure 3 of these stuff: you build memories with him through the crap you two do together, you share stuff and hopefully spend quality time together. Add to that the things he has (or thinks he has) in common with you, and BAM, he'll slowly start falling for you.
6. Devote yourself to him heart, body and soul - After a while, if things go smoothly between you two and he starts to show signs of possession over you and sexual/romantic interest (tho let's be real, in 99% of cases he's only going to show sexual interest in someone cause 'who the f*ck is love? We don't know her in this household!'), you can go on and finally confess your feelings to Niragi and maybe even start upping up your flirting game by showing him that you want him physically too. Start showering him with your undying love and adoration, make him feel full of himself seeing how helpless you are for him, what a lost cause you are in terms of being blinded with love, how much you freaking adore him and that you'd do ANYTHING for him (yeah, in 1 case out of 4 he might ask you to kill someone for him... But we don't really talk about that...). After having played very hard to get in the beginning, now you can finally loosen up and switch gears, becoming a needy mess for him, so that you'll manipulate convince him into to think that he has absolute control over you. In some cases, if you played your cards right, your love confession might yield you the very satisfying reward of Niragi confessing to you too in return.
Show him that you are loyal and devoted to him and that'll make him to also show a similar level of loyalty and devotion to you, as your trustworthy lover and partner in crime.
7. Be the Yang to his Yin, that innocent little sweet lamb that the bad wolf will devour - As mentioned in previous points, it's important to use that deceiving sweet innocent persona that emanates purity and innocence, this will stir him up a bit inside to want to have you, to corrupt you. Niragi is a man who loves to own things, so the more he can own of you, the better! Plus, being all innocent and vulnerable might trigger that primal instinct in him of wanting to protect you, especially now that he owns you.
If you already are a genuinely sweet person and even better, still a virgin too, you don't have to do anything special here, just be yourself and enjoy the effects you have on Niragi whenever you give him one of those adorable sweet looks or say something (especially his name) in that cute voice of yours... Trust me, it's worth it playing sweet and innocent for this one! Sure, a slutty dirty approach my work too, but remember, our strategy has proven effective in 3/4 cases! And doing the "little lamb" approach while also adding in the next point on the list... Oh boy, you'll see what we mean! ;)
7.5 Rile him up with some sexy dirty talk or 'naughty' behavior - Going really well together with our previous point is this one: adding some spice to the 'cat and mouse' chase by doing little lewd things and saying sexy stuff that go in contrast with your innocent vibe. This will make Niragi want you even more and is fun to see him salivating for you and you alone. This is more like a bonus 'tip' for your own enjoyment, as it's pretty much the same idea of building up the sexual tension as stated at 3, but it's still worth taking into consideration to amp up the fun.
Oh, and here's a bonus bonus tip: ask him about his wet dreams about you and also tell him about yours. You'll like the results. 😉 (It's better to do this after you've gone past the first stages of your relationship for max results).
8. Show your love and affection to him by cooking stuff for him or by doing small sweet things for him - Good, by now let's say you two are in that almost perfect scenario in which you confessed, he owns you, the sexual tension is thick enough to be cut with a knife and he seems fixated on you. It's time to assert your role as his significant other and partner by showing him how much you love him through caring actions such as making him something good to eat, giving him a massage, crafting something for him, you know, stuff like that. So far, cooking seems to hold a special place in our case, since it moves the Niragi, care being something new to him as so far no one had ever shown him that kind of affection. Plus, eating together is an act of platonic intimacy that strengthens a couple's bond. Also, pet names! If you feel confident enough, start sprinkling in that additional bit of 'umph' by starting to call him various cutesy pet names, or pet names that assert ownerships and devotion such as "my beloved", "my dear", "dearest", "my love". Again, make him feel loved and adored by you and show him how helplessly in love you are with him!
9. Allow him to see your most vulnerable states and build the trust - This helps with triggering his primal desire to keep you safe, as well as forming a stronger bond of trust between you two. Due to his past traumas, a Niragi will be reluctant to trust others, so if you allow him to see you in your must vulnerable of states, that implies a very high level of trust you've invested him with (we recommend you do this only in a latter stage of your relationship, since it might be risky to invest him with too much trust from the very start). Tell him that you feel safe with him, allow him to see your tears (unless he'll get angry because of that), if you don't do well with alcohol, allow him to see you drunk and to take care of your hangover, etc.
10. Be into his kinks - Well, this is self explanatory: he won't want you that much if you don't really allow him to do much in terms of fun. Sure, playing into he CNC kink will entertain him, but only doing that forever will make him get bored. Show him your kinky side, tell him in little detail about the things you want to do to him so that he'll get riled up just by imagining what your fantasies imply. Just be over all fun, experimental and involved. Again, you signed up for this willingly knowing fully well what he's into, so once started, there's no going back. If you'll keep turning down all of his kinks, that surely won't land you a stable ship. Also, bonus points if you have a breeding kink too, cause he's definitely into that and it'll turn him on even more if you tell him you want his babies.
11. Be possessive, but not very possessive - Being possessive sometimes can seem sexy to Niragi, so it's not that bad of an idea to mark your territory once in a while (he might even find it hot and fun if you leave marks on him and express out loud to others that he's yours alone). Tho, be careful, don't go overboard because remember, control is HIS thing and we want to keep him thinking that he's the one pulling the strings in your relationship.
12. Be invested in your relationship - There's nothing more turn offish for a Niragi than to see how little to no involvement you show in your relationship with him. So once committed to him, then girl, you have to be committed! Don't ignore him too long, but also don't annoy him; come up with fun new things for you two to do together; keep showering him with love and reminding him of how much you love him, etc. And don't use him for sex only!
12.5. Niragi is NOT your personal walking-talking sex toy! - Yes, man is hot. Yes, we all want to f*ck him. Yes, the sexy times are the best part of a Niragi ship, but don't make this the only subject matter of your interactions (unless you are going for the horndog Niragi species, then that might work, but you'll have to be gosh darn creative to keep things always fresh and fun even when going for the same activity again and again). It's also somewhat degrading for Niragi to feel used as an object by you. Sure, he might want to use you as his toy, but he loathes when someone else does that to him. So make him feel important and loved as a human too, not only for his d*ck.
13. Die for him - This might be extreme, but if you are going for a tragic kind of story, sacrificing yourself for Niragi is the ultimate symbol of your love and devotion to him. If you did everything well so far and got Niragi to love you to some extent, such an extreme measure will secure for sure your position as his biggest, truest and only love, since he won't ever replace you and will probably end up living his life mourning you in his own weird ways or seeking to get revenge for your death from those responsible of it.
Well, there you have it! The complete guide for dating Niragi! We wish you all the best and good luck in your quest of taming a Niragi and pursuing your very own ship with him! 👍
(Disclaimers!) Please note that we do not take responsibility or can be held accountable in case any of these steps goes wrong and results in the injury of your own well being, since you voluntarily accepted to pursue a Niragi at your own risk, knowing very well about each and every implication.
Have fun and remember: First step to be able to do any of this is to TRY TO ACTUALLY TALK TO a Niragi! :D
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sethcertified · 1 year
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「 SLASHERS REACTIONS TO THEIR FANDOMS ! 」 . . . 📂
slashers : various
wrd count : 1.2k
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⊹˚.⋆ synopsis . . . how slashers would react to their fandoms
⊹˚.⋆ starring . . . patrick bateman, bo sinclair, vincent sinclair, billy loomis, stu macher, brahms heelshire, & billy lenz
⤷ patrick bateman
okay this is going to be fun
his (already huge) ego gets boosted sm by the like "sigma" edits and shit of him
not to be cliche but the “I bet paul allen doesn't ___” sort of comments make him feel so high and mighty
and seeing how many people find him hot? god he would become even more insufferable
BUT HERES THE FUN PART
he delves more into the patrick bateman edits and stuff and that's when he finds the satirical shipping, cutesy edits, etc
he sees himself and the word "babygirl" put together and has a full blown meltdown
god it’d be so funny cause it's literally 50/50 in the fandom so he couldn't separate one from another if he even tried
AND THE SHIPS
oh, he would just be gagging at the louis x himself ships
idk I feel like he would go "take this down now 🤬”
he's so edgy 12 year old boy yk
AND THE EDITS
patrick practically passing out when he seems himself edits with anime blush and cat ears
his masculinity was already bruised by the ships and now this?
he 100% posts some of the edits about him on his socials
he also sends the links to these vids to people he dislikes to prove his "fame"
the fame goes to his head but he gets humbled when he sees everyone calling him "my pathetic malewife bbg 💕”
⤷ vincent sinclair
I just love vincent sm and so does his fandom
I have not once met someone who hates vincent
he is so insecure and humble and just deserves to see everyone complimenting him and his wax figures
he loves his fandom to say the least
and they absolutely adore him
definitely gets confused by some of the compliments he gets
example a: "If he doesn't want me to slut him out, why waist so slutty?"
^^ yes I did find that on here
is in disbelief ppl can find him attractive let alone say things sexual about him
he has rlly rlly low self esteem okay
if he ever tried to interact with his fandom online I have two different directions in my head
IS AWFUL ON THE PHONE
typos and everything
but it's so sweet
"THank yu 🙂"
he has big fingers and struggles to type ^^ or if he gets adjusted it's perfect grammar "I appreciate you for this. Thank you so much."
hes just a big ol boy getting the praise he deserves
⤷ bo sinclair
this one is a bit tricky
he isn't too phased by the compliments unlike his brother
he knows he hot
so "daddy" "so hot" compliments r not new to him
BUT I think stuff like | want to see him whimper" will make him feel VERY FLUSTERED
like awkward coughing and hiding his face flustered
but he doesn't get a bigger boost in his ego
I feel like it doesn't go to his head cause he is already pretty confident in his looks yk
but seeing people appreciate him for his personality?
like talking about how charming and husband material he is
it definitely gives him more hope that he's worth more than his looks & that he means something
this one is short but he wouldn't interact with the fandom
or he’ll barely scrap the surface so he doesn’t see the weird stuff…
like he seems so Facebook dad to me
basically he is tolerates his fandoms cs he’s only seen the tip of the iceberg
⤷ billy loomis
ANOTHER TRICKY ONE
billy is so tricky for me tho
honestly it goes to his head
seeing ppl in awe about him ^^
he's a slasher fan too so he is more active in other fandoms if that makes sense
but he does like to delve into theories and discussions about ghostface and the scream franchise with members of his fandom
rlly enjoys knowing he is considered one of the "well known" slashers
honestly he feels threatened by danny johnson from DBD because when u search ghostface a lot of content surrounding him pops up a long with stu and billy
billy wants everyone to know he’s the ghostface
he loves the fame basically
I do get the feeling he hates the image ghostface has tho
like the "thirst traps"
he's just the type of guy who calls people "posers" and "fake fans"
so that rily irritates him
if you know a lot about slashers/ghost face he's chill
he likes his fandom but there's definitely outliers with the people who know ghostface but not who's behind the mask
he wants the notoriety
⤷ stu macher
LOVES HIS FANDOM
he loves being worshipped by his fandom
all compliments, all fanart, all of it he loves
teases Billy sometimes about the posts
sends scream memes to his friends
feels guilty tho when he sees posts about his and Tatum's relationship
like that's the only downside for him
he responds to fans, tells "insider" stuff, etc
Stu is very active in his fandom
he thrives off of it essentially
definitely set up a cameo or something at one point and says his iconic lines from the movie
+ try's to get fan service out of Billy
hes like an obnoxious youtuber
REPOSTS EVERYTHING
edits? yes
fanart? yes
fanfic..?
yes.
he's not rlly sad either that billy gets more attention than him cs if you love stu you LOVE stu
calls his fandom "machiacs"
cause macher + maniac
but he does think he's more famous than he actually is
like if someone doesn't recognize him he'll go "I'm THE stu macher"
fanservice king!!!
⤷ billy lenz
no shame at all
he will repost smut/hentai of him
loves his fandom cause they're as equally as horny as he is
but I think he does see that he is desirable in more ways when he finds like fluff imagines
loves his fanart the most
he would try and redraw the fanarts but they turn out horribly
he 100% try's to interact with his fandom
key word is try
he doesn't type but does the voice to text thing
so all his replies and post end up
JEJSNSBSHSISJJSNS *insert heavy breathing* HSHDNDJSJSK
his poor phone can't keep up :(
he doesn't understand the fandom but he loves them
"billy boy my beloved ❤️”
^^ those are his favorite types of fandom interactions
⤷ brahms heelshire
refuses to have internet
straight up refuses
but I feel like he's the only one who would dislike his fandom
and i mean actively dislike
if he saw how many people call him "stinky wall boy"
let's just say he would have a fit
only thing he would like is people saying he's better than other male characters
but literally that's it
hates everyone and everything about his fandom
he thinks of them as lowly or without class
its just best if he never finds out about his fandom
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✎ notes . . . yes, this is a repost. tumblr deleted my old acc >:( ◯  🖖🏻  ⭒  ⧆
©️ sethcertified 2023
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robo-milky · 4 months
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Hehe~ <3 My hatred for him is unimaginable.
[Relic Pre-Cloche Selfship Sketches + Ramble]
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• Sometimes, I still can’t believe it and have difficulties acknowledging that technically Epel is my second yume after the Jack era- (although never thought of deeply) I’m sowwy- ILY Rook
• Before I really finalized and renamed Cloche as a character, she was more of a memey stand in for me.
• Epel was supposed to be her rival, competition for Jack’s attention (although it’s a one sided rivalry cause Cloche was jealous of Epel being so dainty and cute— girlie would kill for those big doll-like eyes). I really did like EpelJack, so it was a subtle nod to that-
• The sona seen above isn’t exactly Cloche, but me and I thought the dynamic between us would be hilarious— or at least a deep fried version of me before TWST… (War flashbacks to JJBA and my avid JotaKak shipper days 💀)
• Epel would probably tear my throat out whenever I try to get him to act cutesy, even when Vil’s not around. 100% would gush over. Would I still have liked Epel if he embraced his perceived “feminine” looks??? HECK YES WE LIVE FOR BREAKING GENDER NORMS AND STEREOTYPES ‼️‼️ I might have liked him even more if he did tbh…
• Ummm… If you’ve been there for the Cloche-Drawing-LeoMal-In-Front-of-Malleus era, I think you’d know why they’re ship name is rotten apple 🫡 (outdated event, not canon anymore)
• I think I’m rambling about all of this more to myself but if you chose to read all of this- thank you??? I feel weird letting go of the version of Cloche that started everything on this Tumblr, so I guess this is a tribute to my roots.
• Fujoshi or I hate my life I hate everything, pick your poison
• I promise you I didn’t take this old concept seriously and thought of it as nothing more but a parody/satire-
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goldenpinof · 4 months
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Dan and Phil have never been the type to actually speak on stuff more than once and it fucking sucks.
Anytime something awful or evil happens in the world, Dan will tweet about it once maybe twice and then never speak on it again. Phil will never speak on it, only retweet Dan. And there’s proof of it. Look back on any catastrophic worldwide event, they only talk about it happening a few times and then back to lala land. It’s super irritating. I’d love my faves to do better but what’s doing better when they never did better to begin with?! The only time they actually raised money for charity after a tragic event was when the whole thing in Manchester happened in 2017. Please correct me if I am wrong tho! I’d love to be proven wrong with this!
So I don’t expect them to speak out about free Palestine anytime soon. Also fuck their management for letting them even agree to an audible sponsor at a time like this. It’s not just on d&p for that. It’s def the management getting these sponsors in for them too.
Tl dr, your faves are problematic and I’m just so annoyed. Love, a strong phannie who’s been here for 10 years and has noticed a pattern with their bull shit.
so true, bestie. and that's a pill we have to swallow.
and it's even harder when the catastrophic event hits too close to home. swallowed this with the invasion of Ukraine and Dan's attempt of satire in 2022/2023. go on girl, rewrite the script, i'm actually excited to see it, because he can do better. he doesn't need to be relatable with certain events, he just needs to speak about them.
and oh, god. fuck their managers. it's 100% them finding sponsorships and negotiating terms. like, dnp could say no, obviously, and not doing it is on them. but whose brilliant idea was to suggest Amazon in the 1st place? hey, dnp, can i speak to your manager? i was so sure Dan would never say yes to companies like Amazon. and now i'm like, what's next? who bought the rights to wad? i'm genuinely scared.
Phil's instagram post about BLM. it's not even an attempt to correct you, it's just something i remembered. not only retweets, but majorly, yes.
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