#wrong use of the force

[toxicanonymity]

Empire Builders. Ben's Hardware Ch. 3

5.4k / Ben Solo x Rey / ch 1, ch 2

WARNINGS: I8+ mdni. Sexual tension, gaslighting, another woman tries/fails to seduce him, angst, dubcon via uninformed force connection, ben jacks off, unsafe P in V (in force connection). Hardware Store AU explained. Strategic planning humor. Excessive plot. Beta/Star wars consultant: @dark-scape A/N: Written in February 2023. This chapter has far more world building & background than necessary. Like I set up way too much stuff for a miniseries, but I wanted to answer some reader questions. And at least the world is constructed in my head for future use.

Ben opens his eyes and looks around his office.  There's a leather couch, a chaise, an end table, a credenza stocked with high-end liquor.  It's certainly too high-end for the general manager of a local hardware store, but Ben likes things a certain way, and so do the clientele. He zips up his pants.  With Rey, he feels like he's doing nothing wrong.  He has his own rules for himself about the force connection, although they continue to evolve. 

The first time it happened, it took him by surprise. He felt a familiar tingle in his nose, the same faint tingle he gets when he uses the force.  And there she was in her bed.  He watched her for a few minutes, growing more and more aroused.  Then he gave it a shot - he invited her.  And there she was in his house.  After that, all she had to do was want him and he could tune in at will. 

He may tune into Rey's cute little thoughts about him sometimes, and especially her sexy little thoughts, but he only interacts when he's clearly invited.  When she desperately wants him.

In a way, Rey is in control – or, that's what Ben tells himself.  If Rey wants something from him sexually, he makes sure she either asks for it or takes it herself. He merely makes suggestions.  He opens her eyes to the possibilities. Rey may not understand it, but Ben barely understands it himself.  Certainly not well enough to explain it to her.  It would be like trying to explain to someone why water is wet or how to breathe.  It's not Ben's fault Rey doesn't know she's force sensitive. Most people don't know about the force at all, and they're better off that way.  

Ben never had a chance at a normal life.  His parents dedicated their lives and his to using their powers for good.  He didn't understand why teachers asked what kids wanted to be when they grew up.  Did anyone have a choice?  Ben even went to the FBI academy at Quantico and started in the Behavioral Analysis Unit.  It just . . . Didn't work out.  Or, it didn't work out *the way his parents wanted*, to say the least.  

His parents' names followed him everywhere.  Everyone had this very specific idea of who he was and what he was about before they even met him.  Everyone had expectations. His entire career was laid out for him. He'd probably be the director one day.  Without the freedom to be his own person, he grew bitter and angsty.  It was only once he interacted with the most dangerous criminals that Ben realized the choices he could make. 

Ben feels like he's protecting Rey by not cluing her in.  The only thing he feels a little guilty for is using a Jedi mind trick on her.  It's a little gross in principle, but he was  protecting her by making her forget what she saw between him and Hux.  Ben works for dangerous people, and Rey is far too curious for her own good. If Rey were to find out the store is funneling supplies to a dangerous criminal organization, it would not only ruin the whole set-up, but her life would be at risk.  

-----

Ben goes back downstairs to the store and passes Hux on the stairs, who's on his way up to the office.  Hux asks, "Want me to run those numbers for tomorrow?"

Ben has no idea what Hux is talking about.  He sighs, "What's tomorrow?"

Hux looks worried that Ben forgot.  "Uh, the retreat, right? Corporate?" He uses finger quotes when he says corporate. 

"Fuck me," Ben mutters under his breath.  "Yeah.  Thanks." 

How could he have forgotten? He knows how - Rey is a total distraction.  Empire Building's strategic planning retreat - what a joke, but Ben doesn't have a choice.  Who plans a retreat a week before Christmas? An organization that considers itself your only family.

Ben wants to get out of it.  "Hey, Hux - shouldn't one of us stay here to watch the store?" 

"Yup, that's why I'm attending remotely. I'll be here in the office and go down to the store during the breakout sessions." 

"Actually, I wouldn't mind staying. You deserve the break," Ben offers.

"Ben, no offense, but you know nothing about running a hardware store.  That's why I'm here in the first place."

"It's only two days," Ben says.  He's annoyed, but can't really dispute the assertion that he doesn't know what he's doing.  He's a hobby carpenter, which used to give him a false sense of handiness, but he's eaten his fair share of humble pie since opening the store.  If he had to run any other department besides Wood, he'd be in trouble.  

Hux sighs. "Alright, I wasn't supposed to say anything, but you're being honored.  You can't skip out." 

Honored? That intrigues Ben.  He tries not to seem too excited, though.  "Whatever," he says.  "Yeah, run the numbers, but run them by me before you share anything."

A buzz saw whirrs in the distance as Ben steps back onto the floor of the hardware store. He wants to learn to manage the store himself, he just doesn't want to learn from Hux. He walks by the key-making station and the staff member greets him.  He thinks about shadowing the keymaker to learn something new, but he goes to Lumber instead. They're filling an order of custom-length 2"x4"s.  

"Want a break? I've got it," Ben says.  The woman stops the saw and offers Ben her protective glasses.  He takes off his jacket, puts on his apron, and rolls up his sleeves.  He pulls on a pair of canvas gloves.  He can feel the woman checking out his ass as he bends over to get the first piece of lumbar lined up just right. "15 minute break," he tells her. "You don't have to clock out."  She walks off then Ben fires up the saw and cuts the wood.  

He's finishing up by the time she comes back.  He gives her the goggles back.  

Ben puts his jacket back on, collar popped, and goes out to the nursery and picks up the water dispenser.  He waters the tropical plant section and inhales the fresh smell of lush foliage mingling in the air with the sawdust from carpentry.  He thinks about how much he enjoys the hardware store.  He would love to just manage the hardware store one day and have that be his whole job.  If only things were that simple. 

----

The next morning, Ben drives his bulletproof Range Rover with dark tinted windows to the retreat, which is two hours away.  He dresses in all black and lays a charcoal blazer in the passenger seat.  He pulls up to the hotel at the last possible minute.  He opens the glove box and puts his old beat up Glock in the back of his pants.  He doesn't carry it all the time. It's truly gnarly, but it works, and it's a family heirloom.  It was returned to him from the District Attorney's office after his grandfather died.  He puts on his blazer and makes sure the notched Mandarin collar is standing -  he doesn’t like his neck exposed.  Then, he tosses his keys to the valet

There are two huge guards at the door dressed darkly in plain clothes.  Ben knows one of them and gives him knuckles. 

There are only a couple dozen people attending but they've branded it like it's some huge event.  Ben would prefer to sit with his back to the wall in any given room, but there's a seat reserved for him in the second row. The retreat kicks off with a speech from the Emperor, which is a big deal. No one knows his real name and Ben has never heard of him appearing in public before.  He hangs on every word at first, but it's a pretty general speech about the importance of loyalty and how prosperous they are together.  Yawn.  Then he talks about adversity.  

He continues, "As we all know, we had some challenges last year. Now, I don't have anything against journalists - heck, my granddaughter is one - but they tend to stick their noses in places they shouldn't." The crowd murmurs. Ben starts listening closer again   

"And it's not like the old days where we can take care of one problem and it just goes away.  They've gotten smart.  They've gotten digital.  Setting up dead man switches and whatnot.  Anyway, after the Post article last year, and the boycotts, each of our biggest suppliers suddenly grew a conscience at the same time. Construction came to a total standstill.  For two months we built nothing." He lets that linger in silence for a moment, then continues, "Until one of you had an idea." His eyes twinkle as he looks at Ben.  A few people quietly cheer.  Someone behind Ben pats him on the back and Ben turns his head a little and smiles on acknowledgement but keeps his focus straight ahead.  

In truth, Ben saw the Post article coming.  The way they were handling their business it felt inevitable.  But it would have been a big risk for Ben to try to change how they were doing things.  Instead, he started anticipating the fallout and plotting to save the day.  

"Ben's Hardware, ladies and gentlemen." He gestures to Ben.  "We're back in business."  He makes Ben come up to the front and presents him with a ruby signet pinky ring.  When he sits back down, Ben sees Hux sends an applause on the Zoom screen behind the speaker podium.  Ben's tries not to roll his eyes. 

"That was real strategic thinking, and it got us out of a real jam. I want all of you to start thinking strategically.  That's why I've brought in a consultant this weekend." He  gestures to his right and an attractive young woman stands up. "This is Paige.  She's going to get all of you thinking like Ben."  She smiles at Ben and he swallows.  

Ben wonders how much Paige knows and what's in store for her.  This is sloppy.  He manages a small smile.

----

The first session is a SWOT analysis of Empire Builders.  Paige talks through their Strengths, Weaknesses, Opportunities, and Threats.  It turns into somewhat of a post mortem of what led to the Post article and boycotts. 

Strengths: Reputation, resources. 

Weaknesses: Disloyalty, competing priorities

Opportunities: Services. Diversify disposal. 

Threats: Attention. Regulation.

This is a load of crap, and Ben is 100% sure Hux is just eating it up, scribbling notes and making stupid plans.  He rolls his eyes at the thought.  This is worse than a load of crap, he realizes.  Nothing good could possibly come from openly strategizing about how to expand this criminal enterprise.  

Ben could have walked right into a different crime family and taken his grandfather's seat, but that would have been the easy road, and he wouldn't have been met with true respect.  He knew he was capable of sitting at any table he wanted, and chose a different family.  A rival family.  He's climbing from the ground up by merit.  He whacks off a bad egg here and there, but he builds his reputation with brains more than brawn.  He's bringing the family into the 21st century.  

As part of his plan to make himself indispensable, Ben shared one of his many good ideas - the hardware store.  He shared just enough to climb one more rung on the ladder, and now they want all these goons bumbling around trying to bring something fresh to the table? He would hate for this family to implode before he has a chance to destroy it himself and build his own dynasty. 

In the SWOT session, they discuss some of the points together, but it's awkward because no one knows how much Paige knows about the organization or when she's supposed to get whacked.  They keep trying to be vague, but they're really conspicuous about it.  Ben tries to peer into Paige's inner world to find out how much she knows, but he realizes he can't see anything at all, much less read her thoughts.  He wants to test a hypothesis that the sexual attraction and tension with Rey is what's creating their connection.  

-----

They take a break and Ben takes off his blazer.  He leaves it on his seat and goes to the bathroom.  He looks in the mirror as he washes his huge hands, then he unbuttons two buttons and rolls up his sleeves.  He feels kind of slutty doing this, but in a hot way, if he's honest.  He runs his long fingers through his dark hair and swallows. When he sees his Adam's apple in the reflection he remembers his most powerful weapon.  He should've made an acceptance speech.  

Before they get back from break, Ben approaches Paige with a twinkle in his eye.  He talks about nothing.  He uses the lingo.  He gesticulates with his massive hands and shifts his weight flirtatiously as they talk.  He flashes his charming smile and compliments her on the dumb SWOT analysis.  He tries to keep talking.  He crosses his arms and watches her eyes drift to his forearms.  When it's time to re-start the session, he heads back to his seat and glances back. She's definitely checking out his ass.

"What do we mean by 'diversify disposal'," someone asks, and  Paige doesn't know how to answer it. So she doesn't know everything after all. 

One of the big wigs chimes in.  "You'll recall the Post article was primarily the result of a specific disposal that was discovered at a construction site. Which led them to look at other construction sites, pulling permits, and employment records, and so on and so forth.  All that fuss started with one sloppy disposal."   

The man still looks confused. The big wig makes a subtle gun gesture out of view of Paige.

"OH, disposal," the audience member realizes.  "Okay and diversify that how?" 

"Well primarily by considering properties that don't trace directly back to Empire Builders. And techniques that lessen the residue over time." 

"Like lye?" The man asks.  Paige swallows and doesn't know what to say.

Ben interrupts and saves her. "Have we thought about *reducing* disposal?" He asks the big wig.

The big wig laughs. "It's a core part of our business model." 

"Reducing unnecessary disposal? That's when things get sloppy, right?"

"Go on."

"Like say you hire a person for one job, like a conference, but they have a diverse business skill set.  That person could potentially be reassigned to, say, logistics and supply chain management?"

"Instead of. . ." The big wig is thinking.  "Right.  Good question Ben. Let's take that offline." 

-----

After the session ends for the day, Ben goes to the hotel bar.  He wants to check in on the store but needs a drink before he can even think about talking to Hux. Mainly he's curious if Rey came by.  He knows she wants to. Ben orders a whiskey on the rocks and thinks about Rey.  He feels like she has all the control.  He only gets to see her when she shows up to the store.  He thinks about the way she blushes under her freckles and her dimples and her perky tits and how bad she wants him.  He's horny. 

As Ben examines his drink in his large hand, a sultry voice startles him.  

"Ben's hardware, huh?" It's Paige.  She slides her small hand onto his shoulder and puts her other hand on the back of the stool next to him.  "Anyone sitting here?" He must have really worked his magic earlier.  

"No, please." He welcomes her to sit. His sleeves are still rolled up.  

She orders him another drink. "Another one for him. And one for me." 

Paige reaches for Ben's large hand and inspects the ruby signet ring on his pinky. She wants to try it on.  It's too big for even her thumb. One of the big wigs watches casually from the end of the bar. 

Paige asks too many questions, and Ben doesn't give her any answers.  He doesn't want to put her in more danger than she's already in. Also, part of him wonders if she's a trap. Maybe they've realized what he's known all along - that he's the future of this empire - they need to know he can be trusted and won't get distracted by competing loyalties.  Even if it's not a trap, Paige isn't Rey, so that works against her.  

At the bar, Paige is all over him. It turns him on.  He's not that interested in her, but he's only human.  She finishes her drink and slips Ben a key to her room.  She scribbles her room number on a napkin with lipstick.  He wants to leave the key and the napkin on the bar, but he wouldn't want a worse guy to bust into her room in the middle of the night, so he takes them with him.  

Ben looks at his phone and has a missed call from Hux. He decides not to call him back, lest Hux think Ben answers to him.  Plus, Ben is exhausted from being "on" all day.  He's a solo creature and having to pretend to enjoy "the family" really takes it out of him.  Especially with all eyes on him as an honoree. He felt like he couldn't let his guard down for even a moment.  

-----

Ben retires to his hotel room alone he washes his face and hands and grabs the hotel lotion.  He props up two pillows and lies down on top of the bed without unmaking it.  He crosses his large feet and studies the pattern of his argyle socks.  He really prefers stripes these days.  He should overhaul his sock drawer.  He reads the label on the lotion, then moisturizes his enormous hands. He holds the napkin in his hand and runs his thumb over the room number, which is just a few rooms away.  

He recalls the way Paige looked at him and gets hard. He starts to think about whether he should just do it.  It's not like he and Rey are dating - they haven't even gone out once.  On the other hand, hooking up with Paige wouldn't do anything but physically get him off, and he still wouldn't be satisfied.  He runs his long fingers over the mark on his neck.  There is only one person who can satisfy him now.  His eyelids are heavy.  

Ben palms himself through his pants and  debates whether he should try to force connect with Rey.  If he does try to connect with her and she isn't already thinking about him, it could startle her or make her question everything.  He decides to take care of himself  instead.  

-----***------

Ben takes takes off his slacks and hangs them on the back of a chair and lies back down.  He leaves his shirt on and pulls his boxer briefs down. He closes his eyes.  He wraps his hand around his hard shaft and despite how big his cock is, it almost looks normal sized in his massive hand.  He's proportional.

He's almost too tired to do it, but his arousal wins over.  He spits in his hand. He thinks about Rey sitting in his lap and begins to slowly move the skin on his shaft, lazily and in short, firm strokes, just getting warmed up. He thinks about her furrowed brow and her soft little sighs and how her warmth felt against his cock.  

Before he can get far, his nose begins to tingle. Ben yanks up his boxer briefs and palms himself through them as he closes his eyes to let it happen.  

But before he can see anything, Ben hears a moan echo from the bathroom of his hotel room.  He lies there frozen, wondering if his ears deceive him.  Then, he hears splashing and squeaking from the bathtub.  He jolts up and grabs his Glock from the nightstand. He holds it in both hands, his arms straight, and slowly approaches the bathroom.  He turns the door knob with one hand  and pushes it open before resuming his stance. Steam billows out of the door and the mirror is fogged up.  

The door creeps open the rest of the way on its own, and Rey is in a robe.  Thank God she's facing away from him.  He lowers his gun and quietly rushes back to the bed, taking huge strides. He puts the Glock in the nightstand but doesn't close it all the way.

The sink faucet turns on, then off.  Rey emerges from the bathroom and looks around curiously.  She doesn't  look surprised to see him. He hasn't done it on purpose, but the collateral gaslighting might be driving her mad. Surely she hasn't figured out how this works.  

Ben is lying on the bed in his boxer briefs and button up shirt.  He's still hard.  Her eyes meet his. "Ben," she says.  It's the first time she's said his name to him and it's the sweetest sound.  Her eyes scan his body, resting on his underwear longer than anywhere else.  She looks away shyly then he sees her remind herself it's not real. She gains confidence and smiles demurely at him.  "Where have you been?" she asks. "Where are we now?" She crosses the room slowly.  

Ben ignores the questions.  "Well, you found me,"  he says. Her eyes rest between his legs again.  He's emboldened by her continued belief that this isn't real.  He adds, "And you found me in quite a state." He strokes his hard length from outside his boxer briefs.  "Is this what you were looking for?" He looks down to his lap then meets her eyes again as he strokes himself slowly.  He knows it's what she wants. He still wants her to say it. 

Her hair is damp.  Her skin is rosy.  He's disappointed to have missed her bath, but glad she's here now.  Rey approaches the nightstand, then stands facing the bed, not far from him.  Ben wonders how much she can see in this room.  Can she see the napkin? The Glock in the nightstand? If she can, she ignores them.  She lets her robe fall open "Maybe so," she says.  That's close enough to a yes for him. 

Ben sits up in the bed and pivots to face her. He sits on the edge of the bed and takes both her hands in his.  He spreads his knees.  She stands in between his legs, close to the bed.  They search each other's eyes. He can feel all her thoughts even stronger now.  She wants him bad.  He scoots closer to the edge of the bed, barely on it.  His large feet are firmly planted on the floor. 

She wants his body against hers.  He brings his hands around her waist to the small of her back.  Her figure is striking and her skin is so soft and smooth.  He gently nudges her closer. His knees are spread wide with plenty of room in between.  She comes as close as she can and his clothed hardness meets her bare skin. 

She starts unbuttoning his shirt.  She looks even prettier with no makeup.   He strokes her damp hair, then cradles her pretty little head in both of his massive hands and brings her face to his. Their eyes close.  Her lips part.  Their mouths meet softly, then the kiss grows hungrier.  She wants Ben inside her.  He slips his tongue into her mouth and she meets it eagerly.  She finishes unbuttoning him as they make out.  

Ben moves his hands down each side of her neck, then to her collar bone.  He slips the tips of his fingers under each side of the robe and slides his hands gently to her shoulders.  She shrugs off the robe. His hands slide from her shoulders down to her breasts and cup them gently.  He takes one nipple into his mouth and moves his other hand around her back, down her spine as he tongues then sucks her breast. 

Her skin is supple and her ass is round.  He grabs a cheek in his large hand and pulls her into him, then his hand slides down her ass crack between her legs.  His middle finger reaches her pussy and she’s so fucking wet.  He releases her breast from his mouth and grabs her ass with both hands.  He stands up and lifts her off the ground in one swift motion.  Her legs wrap around him.  He turns around and lays her down on the bed and their faces meet again. His nose brushes hers as their lips come together.  As he reads her mind, he’s struck by the intensity of her passion for his nose.  He’s so fucking hard.

Her fingers curl under his undershirt.  He takes it off and she marvels at his physique - his sharp shoulders, his broad chest.  Her hands trace his hard pecs,   then his abs, and his happy trail.  Then she slides her hand inside his boxer briefs and seizes his huge, swollen cock.  Her hand feels so good.  He thrusts into her and her other hand grabs at the hem of his briefs.  He takes them off.  She wants him inside her so bad, but he wants her to say it.

He reaches a large hand between them to finger her while she strokes him.  As his long digits slide against her slick folds, he says, “You can have whatever you want.”  He knows there’s only one thing on her mind and it’s his cock.

“I want all of you,” she says.  She releases his cock and it smacks against her hip bone, then he removes his hand from between them and grinds his hips into her.  His hard cock slides along her folds and her head falls back.  Her neck is so delicate.  It’s hard to resist putting his hands around it but he doesn’t want to scare her.  

“Take it,” Ben snaps hastily.  “Take what you want.”  She opens her eyes wide and grabs his cock again.  She swipes a bead of pre-cum around the head, strokes him for a second,  then rubs his cock against her folds again.  She wraps her legs loosely around his back.  

Ben kisses her deeply on the lips and grinds into her hard.  He can feel her wanting something beyond his body, beyond this room.  “I want it to be real,” Rey says.  

“This isn’t real?” He asks with a twinge of guilt. It’s an inopportune moment for this conversation, in his opinion. He just wants to be inside her.  

“I want you in real life,” Rey says.  

He slides off her and rolls onto his back, breathing heavily.  He cradles his massive, aching erection in one hand, loosely stroking it.  “I do too,” he says.  

“How do I know?” she asks.  She rolls over on her side to face him and hooks a leg over his closest leg.  Her face is quizzical, but he can still see the want in her eyes. She traces his pecs and her nipple grazes his bicep. 

“You just know.” He laughs. “I know you know.” Rey climbs up and straddles his big thighs, hovering her lower abdomen near his cock as she searches his face. He'd say almost anything to fuck her right now, but he settles on something reasonable.  “Give me your number or something,” he says. "then I'll make sure you know it. I promise."  

She relaxes.  "Okay."  She seems to view this experience as some way of accessing her intuition or some kind of mystical guidance on how to get with him in real life. She feels like she has her next step now.  She'll give him her number.  

“Can we still have fun meanwhile?” He asks and his hips lift up under her. 

She smiles.  The only thing on her mind is his cock now.  She grabs it again and scoots forward more, her warmth hovering over his aching balls.  He sits up and kisses her passionately as she grinds into him.  

He nuzzles his nose against hers.  “Whatever you want,” he says.  Her hips roll into him more intensely until she rolls off of him and back onto the bed, lying face up, pulling him onto her.  He brings his whole body down into hers and she grabs his cock and nestles the tip at her entrance.  Ben kisses her deeply as he plunges into her.  She moans as the thick head parts her seam.  

He gives her a few seconds, then thrusts again, further into her.  She digs her fingers into his back.  Her cunt is so hot and tight.  He feels like he could come at any second already.  “More,” she says. 

He pulls out an inch or two then plunges all the way in and she moans.  They sloppily kiss as he thrusts into her again and again.  They sweat and their hot bodies slide against each other.  He knows he’s hitting that special spot deep inside her.  He knows she’s close. And so is he, his pleasure is building rapidly.  

As Ben pounds into her, Rey begins to whine and her face contorts.  “Yes, yes, Ben."  He feels a pang of pleasure in his balls at the sound of his name in her mouth. She says it again and he kisses her desperately before his name is gone from her lips, like he's catching it in his own mouth.  She comes and her walls clench around him, and he starts to come, too.  He slowly thrusts into her as his cock erupts.  When his balls are empty, he pries his lips away from hers to look at her.  His hair falls into her face and she tucks it behind his ear.  

There’s a knock at the door. For a moment Ben hopes Rey can't hear it, but her face screws up.  Ben ignores it and kisses Rey's neck sweetly, trying to make her forget about it.

Another knock.  "Ben, I know you're in there," Paige says from the door.  Rey's eyes water.

Ben wants to explain.  ,"No, it's not - hold on.  One second," Ben whispers to Rey. He gets up and starts toward the door.  When he glances back, Rey is looking at the napkin and key on the nightstand.  Before Ben can answer the door, Paige says "Whatever, you've got my key."

Ben turns around to come back to bed, but Rey is gone.  He stews over it for a while, but there's nothing he can do.

-

The second day of the conference, Paige starts off cold toward Ben, but she tries to cozy up to him more during the breaks.  He tries to play nice but he's upset about the night before.  There's no way she could have known, but it still bothers him. He replays Rey's thoughts in his head and he's fairly sure her infatuation and attachment will win out over apprehension.

Paige's presentation talks about waste and efficiency.  One of the types of waste is underutilized resources.  Ben doesn't want to say it in front of Paige, but he feels like his capabilities are underutilized.  There are so many times they forgo mind tricks in favor of straight-up offing someone.  It would be cleaner to just to make them forget.  

Of course, a mind trick doesn't always work.  He can't imagine it would work for someone like Mitaka who worked full time for them.  What memories would the person be left with?  Plus, there are different rules for snitches. But as far as Ben knows, a mind trick would've worked for the disposal that ultimately led to the Post article. Ben keeps his mouth shut, though. He doesn't want to draw more attention to himself by bringing up his capabilities.  Plus, he knows better than anyone that sometimes your temper just gets the best of you.

After the session, during the social hour, Ben gets invited on a hunting trip.  He says he should really get back to the store.  A big wig slaps him on the back and asks if he can tour the store the day after tomorrow.  Ben agrees. 

Ben really can't wait to get back to the store.  

-

Thank you for reading!

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[nerdpoe]

Danny needs a few...odd things. A few dietary and emotional requirements unique to his physiology. Meat is one of them.

But like, raw meat. He doesn't have to eat it often, maybe twice a month, but it does need to be completely raw.

He also needs to eat non-sentient blob ghosts, which are very different from sentient ones. Same amount, maybe twice a month.

He's weak to hot temperatures, where most humans require some sort of positive contact he needs to fight, if he gets too much sunlight his dopamine levels drop, and oddly enough as he got older milk or products with a lot of milk started to affect him like alcohol affects humans.

Now that he's made it to college, hiding most of these things is easy enough.

He chose Gotham, because of minimal sunny days and naturally cold weather. He regularly goes for walks at night, to fill his need for fighting. He says he has a milk allergy, and avoids milk products.

The blobs and the raw meat are a little uh. Those are a little hard.

He's taken to ducking into a bathroom stall to just swallow the blobs whole. But the meat...

He decides to sear the outside and leave the inside entirely raw. Does this detract from the nutrients by cooking them off? Yes. Does it mean he needs to eat raw meat four times a month instead of twice? Yes. Does it mostly hide that he's doing this in front of humans? Kind of.

Until he got a vegan roommate.

Said roommate is far too sharp-eyed for his own good, and now the guy is being weird.

Or: Damian's roommate is a meta who clearly has dietary restrictions outside the norm. It's fine; Damian understands that like animals in the wild, people have different diets. But the cuts of meat Fenton is eating are...subpar. Damian isn't sure how to be...civil, or appear polite, or not be a "snob" if he suggests Fenton allow him to procure farm fresh cuts of steak from cows raised in an open pasture and were well taken care of.

#dpxdc #dcxdp #dp x dc #dc x dp #phanfic #story prompt #affect vs effect #i still have problems telling the difference #damians breaking point is when danny uses a toaster to lightly toast the outside of the meat and can't understand what's wrong #goes and calls jon and just #“have your parents recently hosted a slaughter? have any of their neighbors? jon please” #cuz the meat is like offbrand gotham walmart meat #kinda grayish and def not healthy for fenton #he has taken care of many animals and he can force fenton to eat healthy #in the realms frostbite feels a surge of satisfaction #he has no idea where it came from

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Lan Wangji Goes To Lotus Pier AU: Part 1: Dread on Arrival

(Part 2)

#poorly drawn mdzs #mdzs #lan wangji #jiang fengmian #jiang cheng #wei wuxian #Yungmeng Jiang Training Arc AU #MDZS AU #The AU name for this idea is something I am 100% willing to change if someone has a better one. #There will be at least 2-3 more comics so *please*. Ideas and feedback welcome. #The core idea behind this AU is that LWJ goes to study with the Yunmeng Jiang sect instead of JC and WWX going to Cloud Recess #But why? Well I imagine Lan Xichen set it up to give LWJ a challenge (more social than skill based) and LWJ rose to it (begrudgingly) #Sort of a 'You've mastered so many Lan techniques but Other Sects have styles that are worth learning.' set up. #Lan Qiren agrees mostly on the basis that...well it's LWJ. Yunmeng Jiang is unruly but LWJ is beyond that riff-raff. He'll rise above it. #This is the story of a boy who thrives on routine and rules spending time in a place that is his apparent antithesis. #Also it is so warm there. He is used to it being cold and what do you MEAN just take off some of my layers? #I just want to see him struggle and flail in many situations. And get him in Jiang Purple. Is that so wrong of me? #(Soaking wet JC is part of my 'JC was born to swim; forced to hold a sword' agenda. Do not remove him from the water) #((Politeness notes: JFM would *not* call LWJ 'lan wangji' nor would LWJ be vocally impolite to a sect leader.))

[canisalbus]

To me, Machete kind of has the energy of a secondary villain/coldhearted side character in someone else's story that a lot of fans latch onto, moreso than the protagonist. Question is, would he be the villain in anyone's story?

Why, thank you! I'm actually glad to hear he gives off that vibe. I don't think he set out to become a villain but a lot of people certainly view him as one.

#in the 16th century canon he starts out as an introverted but sincerely well meaning guy that never quite manages to find his social niche #he was a sensitive kid and when subjected to enough pressure #his insecurity fearfulness and powerlessness mutate into distrust resentment aggression suffocating repression and self-restraint #I don't think he's a bad person in fact he consistently tries very hard to do the right thing #do his job properly avoid letting people down and get through life with a sense of dignity #but he is supposed to come across kind of cold impersonable and difficult to be around if you don't know him personally (and very few do) #people can sense there's something wrong with him and are put off by it #Vatican is a nest of vipers and as the stakes rise he retreats deeper into his coldblooded untouchable work persona #he has no choice but to start lying scheming blackmailing and eliminating his enemies #in order to maintain his position keep Vasco safe their relationship under wraps and his own head above water #essentially playing by the same rules everyone else in the holy see has been playing with for centuries #eventually he loses his spot as the secretary of state and is manipulated/forced to take on a role in the roman inquisition #and if people were sort of iffy about him before being the authority overseeing trials torture excommunications and executions doesn't help #and since he has so few allies and such an infamous reputation he's an easy target for scapegoating whenever necessary #towards the end it dawns on him that he's become the kind of twisted cruel corrupt person he used to fear and despise #and the guilt moral injury and abject self-loathing had largely sapped him of his will to live by the time the final assassin gets him #answered #anonymous #Machete #Vaschete lore #he thought his dream of priesthood would make him a better person more worthy of admiration safety and love but he climbed too high #and got roped up in the dangerous games that take place under god's nose and slowly got strangled to death

[haunted-xander]

Do you think Saix' emotional co-dependence started as a Nobody or did it start as human Isa and just grew to an unhealthy degree?

#i like to think it started as a human partially bc that would make the most sense to me #(as xemnas/org xiii likes to use its members established weaknesses against them and saix/isas attatchment to axel/lea would be very easy to #manipulate him) #but also it furthers the parallels between saix' jealousy and rikus arc in kh1 #which i think is fun #obviously it wouldnt have been nearly as big a problem back then as it ended up being later on #partially bc isa wouldnt have been manipulated and gaslit so much but also #bc he wouldnt really have any fuel for it like saix got #no super-important super-secret mission they have to do #no forced emotional distance #and the idea of being 'replaced' would have been much more fueled purely by anxiety than any actual possibility of happening #oh and he also would have at least one other friend (subject x) #even if its one he wouldnt be able to talk to all the time #anyway im rambling. saix/isa got fucked up bad and i hope he gets loads of therapy bc god does he need it #isa #saix #lea #axel #leaisa #akusai #it feels kinda wrong to tag their noboy names when its them as a kids #kingdom hearts #kingdom hearts birth by sleep #kh #kh bbs #art #my art #xanders art #digital art #fan art

[luuxxart]

i had the joker persona 5 sonic forces dlc and forgot to redeem it before it expired

#sonic au #sonadow #akeshu #shuake #persona 5 #sth #sonic forces #akira kurusu #goro akechi #morgana #sonic the hedgehog #shadow the hedgehog #rendered this while listening to Wayneradio’s sonic subathon VOD and. god it has been such a good time #I had to summon my old shading skills from fucking. COLORSLIVE . on the 3DS. To figure out how to shade sonic #also Akira is a wolf bc of the dlc advert using a wolf and Akechi is hedgehog bc . of course he is. chosen boy. special boy #he’s also work for gun ofc. no idea who his dad is #maybe he’s a weird shadow android. just . idk how he got here but he’s happenin #something is deeply wrong with him I hav to figure it out tho #they do have costumes but idk . if this gets popular enough I’ll do more

[boywifesammy]

i feel like the boys’ representation in “it’s a terrible life” is a really accurate and insightful look into how they work on an Instinctual level.

at first it seems like just a funny bit for dean to be the one dismissing the ghost thing, but dean wesson actually fits perfectly into dean’s personality. i mean, think about it. hunter dean is OBSESSED with the job. he lives breathes and sleeps hunting. he’s proud of who he is and what he does, and he enjoys being a part of something. this episode shows how that’s part of dean’s intrinsic personality. he needs order. structure. discipline.

sam is mischaracterized as ‘the emotional one’, but i think dean’s a lot more of a romantic than him. he likes the idea of a stable life, whether that’s hunting or a cushy corporate job. he wakes up at 6am everyday, has a distinct routine and a circle of friends. he does herbal detoxes and drinks frothy rice milk lattes.

life is a package for him. dean likes fitting in. he doesn’t like breaking status quo. he instinctively looks to blend in, whether that’s in a corporate environment or with his father and other hunters. dean likes the idea of family. connection. he needs people, people who are familiar and trustworthy. he’s very community/family oriented. he’s not a lone wolf.

but sam on the other hand, he’s intrinsically in tune with weird frequencies. he’s strange and he picks up strange things. he cares about people and appreciates connection but he values himself and his gut instinct more. he loves sticking his nose where it doesn’t belong. he doesn’t give a fuck about blending in. he didn’t as a hunter so he sure as hell doesn’t in a goddamn tech support cubicle.

sam straight up tells dean that everything about this feels wrong. and you can TELL that dean feels it as well. sam tells him that he thinks he should be doing more, it’s in his blood, he hates everything about this fake life. but dean deflects. no matter how uncomfortable he seems he pushes it down in favour of predictably and routine. even if deep down, he knows its wrong, it takes him a lot more time than sam to admit it.

this shows that sam is more than ‘hunting bad’ and dean is more than ‘hunting good’. it was never about hunting. sam refuses to turn a blind eye. he WANTS to rebel. it’s his nature. he instinctively looks for things that don’t line up and he calls that out. he doesn’t care about the backlash. dean needs stability. he needs people. he needs to feel like he’s a part of something. it’s why he brushes off that feeling of wrongness so quickly at the beginning of the episode, because he’s willing to overlook some of the bad for the benefits.

it’s just like how hunter dean is willing to defend john, defend the grisly violence of hunting, and convince himself into thinking this is his only choice. sam refuses to do that. he instead latches onto that feeling of otherness and rebels even though it costs him family and familiarity.

#oc #supernatural #spn #spn meta #sam winchester #dean winchester #4x17 it’s a terrible life #sam wesson #dean smith #ok u could argue that sam was getting those visions so he had more evidence of it #but honestly i’m not completely convinced dean wasn’t getting weird vibes too #like he must’ve felt this underlying sense of Wrong the entire time #but he seems so well adjusted and happy in the opening #just shows how good he is at pushing down his negative emotions #really makes u think… how much of his Zeal for hunting is actually excitement #and how much is forced out of necessity #and the most painful part is that i fully believe dean doesn’t even register that he’s doing this #he’s so used to manipulating himself that he doesn’t pick up on it anymore

[thestrangestthing89]

It's not an apology, it's a clarification. He very directly says "you misconstrued what I said" a thing multiple people around here have been trying to say for months. He said this exact same thing in an Instagram post he made a few months ago but people lack the reading comprehension skills to follow something like that. So he said it in a TikTok video again only some people are still not understanding. And it's because they don't want to. (He has recently taken his Instagram post down, I'm guessing because he is getting relentlessly harassed.) The truth of the matter is that many people didn't take the time to understand basic facts about this situation (like what the word Zionism actually means) and the result was that a lot of misinformation spread because people were desperate to make sure their followers knew they were The Most Progressive and The Most Anti-Racist. They did not talk about this issue in a way that was culturally sensitive. They made assumptions about Noah based on anti-Semitic stereotypes and I don't even think they realize they are doing it because, again, they aren't well-informed. But every time someone twists the word Zionism to mean "pro-genocide" and makes the flying leap that anyone using that word is laughing at people dying they are falling into the stereotype that Jews are bloodthirsty. Anytime people say that any Jewish person has the wrong information in this situation and needs to education themselves about their own culture, they are believing that Jews can't be trusted. They did all of these things to Noah and they did it very easily because they are ignorant. These people essentially turned into an angry mob. I can't even count the amount of comments I saw that were basically "I hate Noah too!!! Wait, what did he do? Someone tell me!" They piled on because their peers were doing it and not because they had any clue what the problem was. It was the cool and trendy thing to do so they did it. And they deluded themselves into thinking they were saving Palestinians in the process when they actually didn't do shit for anyone. The only problem is that the people who did this didn't take the time to inform themselves before piling on. Noah didn't apologize to them because he doesn't have to. They owe him an apology though and I think the ones with larger followings are responsible for a lot of this and imo are lucky they didn't get sued for defamation. He didn't do any of the things they are accusing him. They decided for themselves what he thought and believed based on very little information and they have no right to do this to anyone. They seriously think Noah is responsible for single-handedly killing people. He's not in the military or a politician. He didn't even endorse anyone who did. This whole situation is the stupidest fucking thing in the world. They are more outraged over the bullshit they made up about him the actual political situation and it's because they don't actually care. They are using Palestinians as an excuse to say hateful things, but they aren't helping them at all. I don't think Gen Z-ers are realizing that everyone older than them is getting increasingly more concerned about the way they go about their political activism. It's a serious problem and this current political situation only highlighted problems with them that had been occurring for a while now. Relentlessly harassing any Jewish person online for not speaking exactly to your liking isn't activism. Threatening to kill people who disagree with you isn't activism. Trying to ruin someone's career because they didn't act like your parasocial bestie isn't activism. Spamming the comments of everyone's posts with Free Palestine isn't activism and it sure as hell isn't what spreading awareness looks like. That requires being well informed first. Not to mention learning how to have difficult conversations without screaming hysterically at people and shouting that they must be pro-genocide/racist/misogynist/homophobic every damn second just because they said something you didn't take the time to understand.

They need to learn to ask for a clarification before assuming the absolute worst about people. They do this to people in the fandom constantly and it's why no one decent posts here regularly anymore. They are ignorant, plain and simple. But they are so desperate for peer approval and for people to think they are the best activists ever that they don't realize how much damage they do when they behave this way.

The people still pissed at Noah were always going to be. They were always going to pick him apart because they are anti-Semitic and they made that very clear. All he is saying is that people need to understand that both Jews and Palestinians are human and stop taking sides. A thing that anyone with a shred of human decency has been saying for months. The people who haven't been saying this tend to be very young (teens and early 20s) and it's because they fell for a lot of unverified information on TikTok - something that is concerning a lot of people given that it is an election year in the US. All anyone had to do here was listen and they didn't. They are too busy trying to be morally superior to anyone to bother having an actual conversation. They still aren't listening. There was nothing wrong with what Noah said here either. But people are determined to believe that he was laughing at people dying when he wasn't. This literally never happened. They just heard a word they weren't familiar with a jumped to awful conclusions. It's not their place to educate anyone on anything. They are not qualified to do so. And I wish people were smarter about who they were reblogging and weren't so desperate to get more followers by jumping on the bandwagon. They cause so much drama in the fandom constantly by acting like this. This is just the latest example.

The people who think it's now suddenly ok to be violent and homophobic towards someone just because they perceived that person to do something they didn't like, were waiting for an opportunity. They wanted to be horrible and they think they got a reason. They didn't and there is never a reason to behave like this. But it did reveal just how many people in this fandom are horrible human beings. The people who weren't saying this directly were still agreeing with those people and were not better than them. It should have set alarm bells off in their heads that the only people who agreed with them were being vile. That should have been the first clue they were on the wrong side. I wish people learned to think for themselves better. They were clearly jumping on the bandwagon and didn't understand what was going on. And I stand by my comment from a few months ago, we would not be dealing with relentless drama in the fandom if the show had a higher rating. And I do think they need to focus more on their original adult audience again. Most of us do not feel comfortable posting regularly in this fandom when it got taken over by kids who don't understand any of the things they are upset about, but they are upset with everyone and everything constantly. No one came here to babysit.

#social media seriously needs to do more about cyber bullying and the spread of misinformation #the people who did this to him owe him an apology #it used to be if you spread a rumor about someone you got sent to the principal and were forced to write a letter of apology #but kids are gently parented now and they can't handle being told they did something seriously wrong #they can't accept wrongdoing and they can't figure out how to fix it #so they just double down and act like even worse assholes than they've been acting #and everyone is fucking tired of it #no one wants to deal with this behavior anymore #gen z is increasingly becoming a group of people no one can trust #stranger things #noah schnapp

[uncanny-tranny]

It isn't as gender-affirming as people think to change harmful gendered expectations to the "correct gender" when somebody transitions, and frankly, I'm not sure if this will roll over well with some people.

It isn't affirming to my manhood to be told that I'm now "wasted potential" now because I'm "angry" and "violent" by virtue of being a man. It's not affirming to someone's womanhood to be told that she needs to be quiet more and smile instead. It's not affirming to be told that you should just "be grateful" that people are gendering you correctly when they instill harmful ideas about gendering and how violence is policed in gendered contexts.

Maybe instead of trying to keep the violence that is part of gender, instead let people be. It's not affirming to be told that who you are must fundamentally change or isn't enough.

#trans #transgender #lgbt #lgbtq #ftm #mtf #nonbinary #transphobia #transphobia tw #like if your viewpoint of manhood is so narrow that you need to do mental gymnastics in order to either force me into YOUR views of manhood #or if you need to force me into some way into again Your viewpoint of manhood. maybe it's not my fault you know? #like i use myself as an example because so often people would go 'why are you upset about me gendering you CORRECTLY 🙄🙄🙄🤬' #maybe it isn't about being 'gendered correctly' but about being shoved into cissexist boxes that were MADE to exclude My Kind #that's why it can EASILY rub people the wrong way #maybe they aren't 'ungrateful' to be gendered correctly. maybe they're ungrateful about breaking free from one box... #...only to be SHOVED into another box by somebody ELSE

[tmos-time]

okay here he is; the most dangerous eridan is the kind who secretly knows hes got a cute look going on

#tmos has art #eridan ampora #sollux captor #erisol #march eridan #deciding this could be part of the 'eridan makes sollux's earth c life a living hell by being nice to look at in march' fic wip i have lol #will it be done this year? i dont think so but it'd be a nice thought lmao #edit: just realized i used the wrong tag last night so now this post gets the updated art tag! yippie!! #and double update; moving around tags and shit to see if i can force the post to get in the tags. tumblr HATES man dress march

[toxicanonymity]

Aisle 39. Ben's Hardware

5250 words / Ben Solo x Rey

Warnings: I8+ mdni. Sexual tension, dubcon (via uninformed use of force connection but she wants it), dry humping. I 🖤 Dry Humping. Hardware Store AU but more than meets the eye.

A/N: posting my first fic in any fandom since I never posted it on Tumblr aside from the AO3 link and Tumblr is home now 🖤. I'm resisting the urge to improve it 😅 I'm not even gonna reread before posting. It was originally reader insert but @dark-scape translated to reylo. Lmk if you want the reader insert version instead and that can be arranged.

Rey visually undresses him.  He inhales through his strong nose, meets her gaze, and cocks an eyebrow: “Now that’s an idea."   He sinks all the way back into the cushions, his huge palms on his thighs, as if to take in the moment with a subtle, satisfied smile.  He then abruptly sits back up and starts unbuttoning his shirt.  As if on command.

Rey drives through the streets of Jakku. It's a chilly day, but bright for mid December. The sun is in her eyes, but the drive isn't long enough to commit to finding her sunglasses. As she turns into a parking lot, she sees the cafe next door is open and realizes it will be the perfect day to grab her favorite nutmeg butternut squash soup with their signature green tea bread if she can make it out of the hardware store before the lunch rush really picks up. This is a rare opportunity because the cafe's hours are aligned to typical office job hours when she’s normally across town.

Rumor has it the hardware store is locally-owned now, and she wonders how much it’s changed. She's taken a vacation day to finish some holiday shopping and errands, and thought of an easy home improvement project last night to spruce up Finn and Poe’s house while she housesits and takes care of their cat Bebe. She wants to fix the dimmer for the light above their kitchen table. The knob has been missing for awhile now, and even when you twist the naked peg, the lights don't dim, so she assumes the bulbs aren’t the right kind. She figures she can fix this with a new plastic knob, a 4-pack of dimmable LED lights, and five minutes of labor. She can finish it off with a little red bow on the new dial. This will be a nice surprise and will also give her an excuse to procrastinate her other errands.

Turns out, not much has changed. She clip-clops through the sliding doors in her warmest boots and still sees orange aprons with names hand-written in sharpie. She immediately locates the light bulbs and spends a few minutes longer than necessary deciding which pack to get. She looks at her phone and sees she has about ten minutes until the lunch rush, so it's time to find the other item she needs, the knob.

She looks up and sees a worker. He's wearing a dark gray jacket over his apron, and what looks like a lighter gray hoodie under it. It isn’t that cold in here, she thinks . She almost leaves him alone, but something on his apron catches her eye. She can't see the name, but barely sees the edge of an expertly doodled death star. Bold choice.  

He's got a nice head of dark hair, chin length, tapered around his face, but out of the way enough to see his eyes are brown. He runs his hand through his hair over the top of his crown as though slicking it back, then some of the strands fall back down. His face is a mix of heart and square shaped with a masculine jaw and strong nose. He has the stubble of a mustache and soul patch but no beard.

He has beauty marks, so many. How many? Are they just on his face or all over? He has an enviously clear complexion and looks like he tans easily. He's kind of tall, but not looming, maybe because his head is bowed slightly as he lifts a crate of lightbulb boxes and begins to unpack it. He seems athletic, hard to tell with what he's wearing. He has a youthful vibe but isn't exactly boyish.

He carries himself like he knows more or less what he's doing, but doesn't take the job too seriously. Rey imagines he wouldn't be the best candidate to tell her how to do a project, but he must know the aisles at least. She doesn't like to be a bother, but hopes it's an easy enough question, and he's standing right there. He can tell she’s about to ask him something and looks up. The whites of his eyes are clear and sparkly. Rey wonders if hers would be like that if she blinked more, which leads to her unintentionally fluttering her lashes.

She finally says, close to a whisper, “Can I ask you something?” I asked… if I can ask him something. She groans inwardly.

She isn’t prepared for the gentle baritone voice he responds with, "Yeah. Sure."

"Uh, where can I find the light switches and dimmers?"

"AISLE 39. I think. Here, I'll show you." He sounds about twice as old as he looks. Those few words he speaks are enough to flip a switch in Rey.  Her heart is melting at the same time her mind is racing. She can't tell for sure because he’s so bundled up, but she imagines he has strong arms and is in great shape based on the vascularity of his hands as he holds his barcode reader. He's working in the middle of the school day so he's got to be at least 18, not that he looks any younger, but Rey tends to think in worst case scenarios. Realistically, she would peg him for mid-twenties, but his voice sounds at least two decades older.

He walks her to aisle 39 and stops. She thanks him for his help, and as she turns to walk in the direction he pointed, she realizes she’s slightly blushing and she’s been silent. She doesn't want her shyness to come off as cold, so she makes eye contact and lets a little smile sprout from the left corner of her mouth across her lips, small but beaming. She hopes it doesn't come off as a smirk or make him self conscious. She can't tell whether he's the self conscious type.

She figures she can find the item herself from here, and doesn't think to ask him about the specific product. She wanders nearly all the way down the aisle, but after several minutes of searching (albeit distractedly), Rey is relieved to see him come back with another customer. He's helping a man find a specific thing, not a whole aisle. She’s jealous, even though it was her own fault not to ask. She hopes he sticks around and asks her if she found everything okay, but when he's done with the other customer it seems like he's about to leave.

She quickly approaches him. “Can I- can I ask for your help again?” Asking to ask again. Do I always sound this ridiculous? She tells him about the dimmer she’s looking for, which is apparently called a rotary switch.

To her surprise and delight, he talks far more than he needs to about rotary switches. His dark velvet voice is lulling Rey half into a fantasy while she struggles to continue listening to his words. He repeats almost every word she says back to him coolly and casually. And these aren't complicated concepts. She isn’t sure if he's practicing an active listening technique from sales training or is simply aware of his effect on women. Or his effect on her. She stands inches from him and looks into his eyes. She wonders to what extent her white cheeks have bloomed into roses under her freckles and given her away.

"You need a dimmer?" He looks her in the eyes, but she’s transfixed on every flex of his jaw and twitch of his lip as he talks.

"Yes, but just the knob, not the whole thing,” she says.

He nods thoughtfully then confirms, "So you just need the plastic part?"

“Right, there’s still a stick you can use to turn it, but it’s naked,” Rey confirms. She pulls her phone out of her back pocket to show him what kind of set-up the panel has and what part she needs.

"So on the panel there's an up-down switch, and a rotary dimmer."

“Yeah." She shows him the knob on the store's app and says, "I think the dimmer part is in stock.”

He replies "Oh, it says aisle 2?" He looks in that direction like he’s trying to remember what’s in aisle 2. He must be new.

"No, we’re in the right aisle. It's wrong on the preview page, but if you click into it you can see," she explains.

"Oh, ok. This is what you need though?" He locks eyes with Rey.

Just like that, she’s imagining him taking off his apron and hoodie at the end of the day, revealing meaty biceps that want to burst out of a black, soft washed t-shirt. Running his large hand through his hair. Flexing those beautiful arms as he peels off the shirt. A smooth torso with hard pecs, scant chest hair. At the thought of this, the left half of her bottom lip starts to creep under her left front teeth, and he cracks a smile for the first time, from the right side of his mouth, almost like a mirror image to Rey’s. His teeth are pretty but unassuming. They're close to white and not overly straight.

Her cheeks grow warmer and she looks away, responding to his question with a slight nod, which she hopes doesn’t read as hesitant, before resuming eye contact. “Yeah,” she quietly confirms.

"But you don't need the regular switch, right?" He speaks with a relaxed beat, not rushing the conversation to its end.

"Uh-huh."

He's speaking low and soft and looks back and forth between Rey’s eyes, not at the screen they’re both supposedly studying. "You just need the dimmer."

"Yeah." She feels like this is being drawn out to the point of overkill, but she’s not complaining.

"And you only need the plastic part." Every time he speaks is like music.

"Yeah," she confirms, barely audible, with a smile.

He continues to search her eyes and she repeats, "Yeah."

For a brief moment, he seems to gaze at Rey as lustily as she knows she is looking at him before he gathers his thoughts. She feels self conscious and suspects by the amount that he’s talking he must know the spellbinding effect his voice has on her. But if that's the case, she supposes there’s no harm that could come from him knowing it.

"Okay, let’s go over here," he says as he leads her back to where she started at the front of the aisle. "I think I see it.” He crouches down to get something from the bottom shelf.

"That’s it!" Rey says with a grin.

She feels bad for not crouching down with him. She’s always self conscious of making people do too much work, but then she also doesn’t want to make it awkward by taking over. So it's not that she expects him to serve her, she’s just frozen. He starts to pull the small product off the metal rods. It's the exact one she’d shown him on her phone, but she notices a better color next to it. Rey squats down and as she looks at the package to the right of the one he's holding, he almost looks disappointed that he didn't pick the exact unit she needed.

She says, "This one is even better, it'll match the old yellowed white." As she slides the package toward her, her right thumb almost imperceptibly brushes his left hand which is still holding the other package. She hasn’t even thought about his package yet, but the lightest brush of his skin is enough to short Rey’s circuits. She gets nervous and stands up, thanks him twice with a genuine smile and that's all she can do.

"No problem," he says, and that's all. As Rey watches him walk away, she feels an odd desperation to hear his voice again. She thinks about making up another question and recording him with an app. Is that creepy? It’s a little creepy, but not full-blown creepy, right? It isn't an option to never hear his voice again. She briefly glances around and he's nowhere in sight. She gets a hold of herself and makes her way to the self checkout line and pays.

Scanning the parking lot as she leaves, Rey wonders which car is his. When she gets to her car, she realizes she doesn’t have her keys. She sheepishly walks back inside and grabs her keys and receipt from the self-checkout terminal she just used. She looks at the receipt - “Ben’s Hardware”. So it did change ownership. She feels someone watching her from the aisle straight ahead, but tries to play it cool. She smiles and shakes her head in disbelief as she turns around and leaves, heart pounding.

Rey forgets all about the soup she was going to get and drives on autopilot to the house to install the dimmer and bulbs. What was that back there? When did I become so shy? It’s been a long time since she’s felt a visceral longing for someone, too. She can feel the animal inside of her awakening from a years-long slumber. She isn’t worried about it, she welcomes it. It’s tame. She has the maturity and experience to stay in control.

She pulls into the broken driveway and parks under the carport. Bebe runs to greet her and Rey bends down to pet her when she opens the car door. This should be an easy but impactful little project. She enters the kitchen, and takes the rotary dial out, dismissing a ridiculous passing thought that she should have bought the white one, too, because he touched it.  She tears the packaging open and holds the off-white plastic rotary dial in her hand, smiling as she remembers all the ways he described it.  

She raises the cream plastic dial to the light switch panel and glances at its underside, confirming it’s compatible.  The unsheathed rotary peg juts out from the panel in anticipation. She holds the dial by its outer edge, aligning its hole with the peg, and gently eases the peg inside.  The dial slides all the way on and snaps into place. It sticks out a little far from the wall, but it works.  Then she unscrews the light bulbs in the cheap chandelier one by one and replaces them with the dimmable ones she bought. 

Finally, the moment of truth - she presses the rotary dial, which turns on the lights, but when she rotates the dimmer, it dims nothing. The dimmer wiring itself might not be LED compatible. Of course. It looks like she’ll have to go back to the store, but not today. She does her shopping and begrudgingly runs errands, and finishes off her day with a warm cup of rooibos.

When she gets in bed, her mind drifts back to Him. She’s dying to hear his voice again. He was so calm, aloof, but somehow radiating power. She interprets it as sexual energy, but she wonders if she’s just seeing what she wants to see. To keep his voice in her mind, she imagines him narrating, “So. This is your bed… we’re going to use an extra blanket tonight, because it’s cold.” She feels ridiculous. But when she drifts off to sleep, there he is.

*** 

Rey is in a living room, but not hers.  It’s a subtle mid-century style with huge windows and modern touches.  It’s dimly lit with a fire roaring behind a glass.  He’s slouched on a stool at a wet bar, drinking something on the rocks.  He’s wearing black slacks, a form-fitting charcoal button-up shirt, untucked, with the cuffs unbuttoned.  He has one foot on a rung of the stool and another with its heel on the ground as he looks at his glass. 

He looks at Rey and puts down the glass.  “Drink?” he asks, standing up to go around the other side of the bar.  Rey watches him.  “Whisky? Wine? Water?” he asks, while filling a glass of water.   “I’m fine,” she replies.  He puts the glass of water down on the smooth granite in front of a second stool that’s still tucked under the bar.  As he walks out from behind the bar, he lets his fingers graze the leather seat of the closest stool.  Rey notices he’s shoeless, wearing black and gray argyle socks.  Why is he so quiet? 

Right on cue, he says, “Well, you’re here.  What do you want to do?” It’s so vivid.  Rey is frozen and says nothing.  Her heartbeat quickens.  He paces patiently.  There’s a teal sectional facing the fireplace.  The living room has soft carpet that feels new under her bare feet.  He walks across the living room, crossing into It a breakfast nook with an oak table.  Behind the kitchen table, he reaches for the wall and lightly touches a conspicuously cheap looking dial that dims the room further.   He comes back toward Rey, and pauses between the breakfast nook and living room. There’s a cabinet separating the spaces, about the same height as the kitchen table.  It has a record player and a box of records sitting on top of it.  

He approaches the record cabinet, which is about hip height to him.  He’s facing Rey, with the cabinet and the entire living room in between them.  With a casual stretch of one leg, he spreads his feet to lower himself a little and look at the records. He rolls up his sleeves, glancing up at her with his tan forearms flexing.  He thumbs through the vinyl records, which appear to have no words on the covers.  He has his head down, his hair has fallen slightly in his face, and he’s glancing up at Rey every few seconds as he thumbs through the box. 

He starts reading out the names of records, and her butterflies intensify at the low rumble of his voice. “Led Zeppelin III,” “Some Girls,” “Get Behind Me Satan,” “Ocean’s 11,” “Travis” “John Wick 2”  The foliage outside rustles gently against the window.  The next time he looks up at her, he doesn't look back down.  It’s an expectant gaze as though to see if the sound of his voice was effective.  She squirms a little and blushes.  He holds her gaze, squints slightly, and smiles a little.  He’s finished going through the records.  He doesn’t put anything on the record player, but a song she likes starts playing anyway.  Think, by Kaleida.  

He gives Rey a mischievous, inquisitive look, and runs his hand through his hair as he walks over to the sectional. He takes a seat and hinges forward at the hip, putting his elbows on his knees and clasping his hands together.  She admires the shape of his forearms.  He raises his clasped hands upright and sets his chin on them playfully, his biceps straining his sleeves as he meets her eyes.  He says, “Well, here we are at my place,” which she doubts.  Rey doesn’t know what she expects his place is like in reality, but it isn’t this refined.  He chuckles, removing his elbows from his knees and resuming a more grown-up posture. With arched brows and an otherwise straight face, he says, “Really.” His brows relax again.  “What do you feel like doing?”  His voice floods every inch of her body with a yearning to be touched.  

She doesn’t know how to answer him.  She doesn’t know how she got there or what’s going on, but the combination of his voice, eye contact, and arms are enough for Rey to begin visually undressing him.  He inhales through his strong nose, meets her gaze, and cocks an eyebrow: “Now that’s an idea."   He sinks all the way back into the cushions, his palms on his thighs, as if to take in the moment with a subtle, satisfied smile.  He then abruptly sits back up and starts unbuttoning his shirt.  As if on command. . . Holy shit, Rey thinks.  She realizes this is a dream. She’s lucid.  It’s like a 5-d game where she can feel everything.    In theory, she can do whatever she wants.  What she really wants at this moment is to straddle him.   

He glances down between his legs and coolly says, “sit anywhere you want.”  She feels observed, even though he isn’t real.  She walks over to the sectional and perches next to him on the edge of its velvet cushion. She feel herself getting wet.  She’s wearing a gray stretch miniskirt–something she wouldn’t have picked out for herself–black leggings, and a green cardigan with no undershirt.  He finishes unbuttoning his shirt and discards it on the floor.  She sees exactly what she’d pictured earlier - a strong physique, his lightly bronzed arms straining against a soft washed t-shirt.  “What’s your name,” he asks, and she feel a warmth growing between her legs.     She tells him, “Rey.”  “Rey,” he repeats, and she fruitlessly responds, “What’s yours?” 

He sighs and gazes around wistfully, “Her name is Rey.”  Then his eyes are back on her.  He places a large hand softly on her knee.  Electrified, she reciprocates.   It’s not real, she reminds herself.  She can do anything.  The guy from the store will never know.  She dares to run her hand a few inches up his quad and give his muscle a light squeeze.  He exhales with the slightest little groan,  “yeah,” and moves his hand to the small of back to urge her closer.  She’s sitting next to him but facing him now, left leg folded under her, working her right hand up his quad. 

The expanse of his thigh dwarfs her pale fingers on his black pants as she leans forward and lets her heel nestle between her legs to relieve some tension.  A tsunami of tingling deep inside her spreads through her breasts.  She grips his thigh for support, and lifts herself just barely,  intending to bring the inner crook of one knee up over his closest leg in a cuddly way while remaining seated on the couch.  A tent in his pants catches her eye and her skin starts to burn with urgency.  If she moves too quickly, she wonders if she could startle herself awake.  

As Rey raises her leg, he brings his far hand to it, gently coaxing her to move all the way onto his lap.  Her skirt rides up over her ass as she follows his lead.  He seizes one buttock in each hand, gives them a gentle squeeze, and takes a deep breath.  She is overcome with arousal and takes her own deep breath, shuddering and blinking slowly as she exhales. Her legs are now spread wide open straddling his lap, but she’s hovering and hasn’t put her weight on him yet.  Her head is a little higher than his in this position.  He bows his head and nuzzles his nose into her cardigan between her breasts, closing his eyes and taking in her scent.  

Rey’s modest chest is heaving against his face and he cradles her with both arms as she breathes.  She places her hands gently on his shoulders, and slowly moves them inward to fondle the hair at the nape of his neck.  She twirls a lock around her finger contemplatively, but she’s still hovering.  His arms are under hers with his face still in her sweater.  He drags his nose up to her neck and she feels her cardigan unbutton, exposing a lace bra, which is fastened in the front.  He looks up at her and reiterates in an intimate whisper, “you can sit anywhere you want.”  

Rey could tell from his breathing what would await her in his lap.  Her leggings were already soaked.  One by one, she scooted her knees closer to the back of the couch on either side of his expansive torso and let her weight down.  She is now truly straddling him, her inner thighs and the intimate seam of her warm, moist leggings fully embracing his arousal.  Her wetness spread through her leggings and into his pants.  His lumber swells against her, pulsing into her aching nub.  “Yeah,” he breathes.  “Right here.” She leans forward to feel his full length, which spans from her privates to her belly button as he thrusts against her. 

Over the course of a few blissful seconds, she feels his erection press harder against her, slide upward, then come back down, and repeat.  His mouth finds her neck, then her mouth.  She accept his lips hungrily and grinds back in rhythm.  Her lips pull away as pleasure shoots through her gut and breasts.  She leans her head back and gasps.  He moves his way back down to her heart, nuzzling his nose along her neck then planting a kiss on her collar bone, another kiss on her breast.   

Then his teeth lightly pinch her skin as they find the front of her bra.  He looks up at her as the clasp flies open and her breasts are free.  Her hard nipples are framed loosely by her dangling bra and the top half of her cardigan which is still buttoned, only at the bottom.  She’s still wearing leggings, but his cock feels too good to leave it for even one moment to undress further.  She continues to slowly grind against him as he moves one hand to her breast, keeping the other behind her for support.  He palms one breast, lightly at first, grazing her nipple with the heel of his palm, then softly cups the whole breast, enveloping it in his large hand as he continues to slowly thrust into her warmth  He uses his free hand to bring her close enough to kiss her other breast. 

Rey is burning up now.  He undoes the last two buttons of her cardigan and she lets it fall off her shoulders, discarding her bra at the same time.  She reaches down to the hem of his shirt and slides four curled fingers underneath it.  He helps her take it off, and she takes in the sight of his shredded torso.  His right pec has a scar.  She traces it with her thumb.  His pecs are so hard.  As she explores him, they continue grinding, then he gives a more emphatic thrust, like his cock cannot physically get close enough to her.  She reaches between their loins and strokes his arousal through his pants, tracing the outline of his cock in detail.  His pants are damp and shiny from her leggings and with a wetter spot of his own.  

Rey needs him badly.  He isn’t wearing a belt.  She frantically searches for his button and zipper and carefully frees him. She holds, and beholds, the glorious, veiny shaft that lands in her hand.  She savors the feeling of its soft skin as it throbs in her hand.  “You. . . are a vision,” he murmurs into her chest, which is exactly what she was thinking about his package.  She moves her thumb to the head of his cock, collects a bead of precum, and swirls around the head affectionately.  Her brows furrow with want.   He holds her tighter, closing the gap between them.  He begins thrusting again, hard and slow.  Rey grinds her throbbing warmth against his lower shaft while her hand is still in between them.  

She feels the spine of her groin twitching and knows she’s close.  She takes a deep breath and lets a sharper pleasure overtake her chest and groin.  Her breath quickens as she nears her peak.  She still has her leggings on. He reaches his broad hands into the back of her leggings, taking one buttcheek in each hand and moves her up and down against him.  “I need you,” he breathes. They look into each other’s eyes and there’s something wild in his pupils, something dark, like a warm, black hole, drawing her in.  “Take me,” she says.  He reaches a hand behind her neck to cradle her head, and they gaze at each other, breathing, grinding.  Then he pulls her face decisively to his.  

Rey inhales through her nose as their lips meet hungrily. He kisses her hard, too messily to  seal their mouths together, leaving his lower lip between her lips as he draws in a deep breath through his mouth.   He then closes his lips on her upper lip, his teeth and tongue slightly grazing it.  Half his mouth opens into hers, the other halves of their mouths still breathing heavily. 

He shifts her slightly upward, wraps her around his waist, and she feels the head of his rock hard cock aggressively nuzzling her clit, up and down.  His tongue finds hers and she lets it brush against her teeth.  When she pulls away for a moment, he looks her in the eyes. They’re both moving faster now, and  as they’re about to come, she folds herself into him, sliding her lips down his chin to his neck and opening her mouth, breathing against his skin. 

His thumb finds her most sensitive place and one touch sends her over the edge.  The pleasure is almost too much to bear.  Her ass clenches as ecstacy blooms from her groin, her nipples, her ears, and deep within her gut.  Muscles she didn’t even know she had shudder in release, and he wraps his arms tight around her, thrusting to the beat of her orgasm.  She rides wave after wave, pulsating against his cock, and as another wave swells he groans, and she feels his cock begin its own contractions, intensifying hers.  

Rey’s mouth is open against his neck and she’s breathing into his skin and as he unleashes a huge lode of cum, between them, soaking through her leggings, and gluing their clothes together.  Her canines dig harmlessly into the side of his neck – she can’t resist –  then she brings her lips to the flesh and seals it with a kiss.   She collapses into him, loosely hugging him with her legs, and the two of them just breathe.  Then he tightens his arms around her in a hug, and she looks up. She sees the mark of her teeth on his neck, and remembers no one else will see it.  This isn’t real.  

She nuzzles her head into her mark and blinks her eyelashes against his skin.   He sighs slowly through his nose, then she feel the vibrations of his voice against her face as he says, “You are… remarkable.”  She lies there breathing for a few minutes and he wraps them both in a cream, cable-knit throw.  She falls asleep in his arms and wakes up in her own bed, marveling at how a dream can make one feel like they’ve experienced someone so intimately.  She hadn’t had a lucid dream in years.  She absently scratches an itch between her breasts and wonders how she can be sure to dream of him again tonight.  Was it the rooibos, or the sheer will of her want?

#adam driver character #ben solo fanfic #ben solo smut #kylo ren smut #ben solo x rey #kylo ren #kylo ren x rey #toxicanonymity ☠️ #reylo fanfic #reylo smut #reylo #inappropriate use of the force #wrong use of the force #tw dubcon #star wars fanfiction

[wrencatte]

mini-fic! Cal and Merrin training, from Greez's POV. 1k words.

Cal and Merrin face off in a small clearing not far from the Mantis. She has a staff in hand, new and sturdy, just picked up from an outpost market, and Cal has…nothing. In fact, his lightsaber sits next to a nonchalant Cere, who’s scrolling through a holopad, seemingly unaware that Cal is about to get his ass kicked by an armed Nightsister.

Their resident Jedi Knight is a powerhouse, sure, and Greez is thankful every day he’s on their side, but without his lightsaber… Greez takes one look at the situation and decides he really don’t want to know.

He asks anyway.

“Training!” Cal says without opening his eyes. Greez isn’t going to question it. Not this time. Nope. Merrin watches Cal closely, one end of her staff buried in the soil, her hands folded on the other end so she can rest her cheek on the back of them. She waits patiently.

They all seem to be waiting for something. Even Greez, who still has no idea how this qualifies as ‘training.’ And Cere, who still doesn’t look up from her ‘pad, takes a serene sip of her drink. She’s probably using some freaky Force thing to sense what’s going on.

Cal looks like he’s meditating standing up. Deep, slow breaths. Calm expression. He keeps his hands lowered, like he’d used them to direct his breaths and then left them down on the exhale. Greez has seen Cal and Cere on early mornings, moving in sync with each other as they go through a fluid, tranquil set of movements without their lightsabers. It always started and ended with them directing their breaths like that.

Greez moves next to Cere, feeling like an intruder, but unable to stop watching.

The atmosphere is calm. Poised.

Then Cere says, “Go.”

Merrin is fast. She kicks her staff up and swings fiercely, devastating even without her magicks. She’s aiming straight for Cal’s head –

 – who doesn’t karkin’ move. Greez lurches, a shout on his lips, but Cere puts out a hand to stop him. Wait and see, she doesn’t say, but Greez knows that look.

Cal dodges without opening his eyes. Minimal movement, languid in a way Greez’s never seen before. Merrin’s eyes flash in determination and she’s quick to go in for another strike. He dodges again, body twisting, never taking more than a couple centimeters more than he needs to avoid her staff. Greez’s heart eventually calms as the two of them move in tandem. Like a dance. An elegant and mesmerizing back and forth.

It could almost be a performance. Something specially created for a dramatic stage.

Eventually, though, Cal’s calm expression starts to pinch. Mouth twisted into a grimace, sweat beads up on his forehead and darkens his training top. He falters. Dodges a second slower. Moves a little further out of the way than he was before.

Merrin swings her staff just has hard, just as fast as she has been, but Cal doesn’t dodge in time. He flinches and stumbles – and Merrin’s not stopping.

That determination slides into panic, Merrin’s eyes widening, but the momentum is too quick even for her. She tries to change the target from Cal’s head to somewhere safer, like his arm, because a broken arm is better than a broken skull, but she’s too fast and he’s fumbling and –

Just before the staff connects – it wasn’t going to make it to his arm, Greez realized with a sick horror – it flies out of Merrin’s grip into Cere’s hand. Holopad and drink forgotten, Cere twirls the staff in one hand before she plants the edge into the dirt. Greez hadn’t even seen her move. Hells.

Cal drops to the ground, heaving for breath. He groans out a heartfelt swear in some language Greez doesn’t recognize – Greez discovered early in their mission for the holocron that the kid knew way too many languages. Seriously, a kid that young, five years on a backwater planet like Bracca or not, shouldn’t know so many languages! Let alone all those karkin’ swears.

“Language,” Cere scolds mildly. Cal just groans again. “What happened?”

He props himself up on his elbows, hair in disarray and the side of his face speckled with dark soil. Merrin carefully pats the soil off the back of his head, her movements stiff. “It started to feel too easy, and I panicked,” he admits. “I started overthinking.”

“How do we fix it?”

“…Don’t do that?” Cal offers, grinning. Cere raises an eyebrow. He takes Merrin’s hand and allows her to heave him up. Greez doesn’t miss the way he subtly squeezes her hand in reassurance before he lets go. “I got complacent. If there was another opponent, I would’ve been taken out a lot sooner. It was only the Force and Merrin, and I freaked when I realized I didn’t know anything else.”

Cere nods. “In other words, you sank too deep. That’ll only be fixed with more practice. You can’t do that in the middle of real combat.”

Cal sighs gustily. “More practice,” he agrees as he holds out a hand and Merrin’s staff comes flying to smack into it. He twirls it with a flourish before presenting it in a low and dramatic bow to an amused Merrin just to make her smile. She does, helplessly charmed, before she quickly twists it into a smirk as she takes it back, a faint blush on her cheeks. Cere hides her own smile behind her hand.

“Next time, maybe don’t aim for his head?” Greez suggests.

Merrin looks disgusted by the very idea. “Then how will he learn? Training must prepare you for battle. If you do not fear for your life in training, then you will not fear for your life in true war. You will die.”

Cal laughs loudly over Greez’s sputtering. “Yeah, Greez, how will I learn? Merrin, aim for the head any time.”

“With pleasure. Someone must knock sense into you.”

Greez drags a hand down his face in despair. What did he get himself into?

#cal kestis #cere junda #nightsister merrin #greez dritus #sw jfo #jfo fic #my writing #had this idea in my head when getting the one with the force trophy #dodging while using focus sight #I had to look up what it was called to write that tag #and realized I got his starting position wrong then quickly rewrote that part lol #pre survivor post jfo #canon is mine to command #so as long as it makes for a good story

[shadow-the-crow]

I think i finally understand how the Distortion works. I mean, i don’t think it’s possible to ever fully understand it, and i don’t know the whole picture yet because i don’t know what Helen will be like, but i feel like i’ve just been granted a glimpse at the lovecraftian (as in ineffable) thing that is this being.

It’s not a person and a creature fighting inside one mind. There’s no Michael clawing himself to the surface to express his emotions and get his revenge.

Michael Shelley is dead. The Distortion became Michael. It sounds so simple, yet a least in my opinion it’s hard to fully understand.

I think what provides the best metaphor is a small thing the Distortion says after becoming Helen: "without a proper mind." The Distortion does not have its own mind. It’s only a what, but in order to really exist in this reality, it needs a who. It needs a body, but also a mind.

So if i understand this right, it’s like this: Michael Shelley is dead. His conciousness is not there anymore. And the Distortion got forced into that mind, an empty mind of a dead person. This doesn’t make it human, it’s still able to understand the impossible, it’s still the thing that was created to scare and kill. But in the mind it’s living in… the previous owner’s furniture is still there. It gets the dead person’s memories. It becomes Michael, in the sense that it has to be someone. Its existence got tied to being Michael, although Michael Shelley is dead.

When Michael got "emotional", that wasn’t Michael Shelley coming through. It was the Distortion grappling with the side effects of being someone - of living in a mind with all the memories and the human emotions that a human mind can’t fully turn off, even when the thing inhabiting it isn’t human at all.

The Distortion was Michael in the sense that it was thinking with Michael Shelley’s mind. When it became Helen, its consciousness, its being stayed the same, but it needed to adapt to this new mind. It could see clearer now, realizing that the windows of the previous house had been dirty, realizing that the wirings of the previous mind had driven it to do something that it actually didn’t want to do. The throat of the Spiral itself getting caught in the spiralling of its own, borrowed mind.

#here comes the first michael essay #this is only the start #i've still got so many more thoughts #i hope this makes sense #idk why but i think i get how the distortion feels #being forced to be someone who isn't you at all #like - it doesn't make sense but i get it?? #okay i haven't watched doctor who but maybe it's kinda like being the doctor? #you kinda change personality and become someone else but your true being stays the same? #(as if anyone of us knew what it's like being the doctor any more than we know what it's like being the distortion lol) #tma #michael distortion #tma the distortion #helen distortion #the magnus archives #tma podcast #tma spoilers #tma thoughts #mag 101 #another twist #michael shelley #i just realized i've probably spelled michael wrong in the tags before oops (i know how it's spelled but “micheal” keeps popping up so...) #you know what i'm gonna put the wrong version too for reach #micheal distortion

[thecruellestmonth]

Jason's feelings about Sheila Haywood

Batman #427 (1988)

"God, it must have been hard for you."

"...I'll save you... Mom..."

Batman: Gotham Knights #44 (2003)

"...I love..."

Batman #428 (1988)

"He threw... himself... in front... of me... in front of me... He took... the main brunt... of the blast... Such a... good boy... Must have... really... loved his... mother..."

Deadman: Dead Again #2 (2001)

JASON: "It's weird--she betrayed me to the Joker. Got us both blown up--but I'm not mad at her. It wasn't really her fault--her whole life was screwed up. Things just... happened. [...] You gotta tell me--is she going to make it?"

DEADMAN: "She's fading pretty fast, kid--"

JASON: "No, I mean-- her soul. What's going to happen to her... afterward?"

DEADMAN: "That's not for me to decide."

SHEILA: "Jason tried to rescue me... We almost... made it... So close... He turned out to be such a good kid..."

JASON: "Thanks, Mom..."

Batman Annual 25 (2006)

He remembered most of what happened. The search for his mother. Her betrayal. Joker. And his own murder.

Task Force Z #8 (2022)

"I died trying to save someone I cared about."

#Sheila Haywood #Jason Todd #Batman comics #Red Hood #Task Force Z #Jason Todd meta #Boston Brand #Deadman #Batman panels #Judd Winick #Matthew Rosenberg #panels #Batman Gotham Knights #Steve Vance #RECAP: Jason fully acknowledges that Sheila betrayed him and yet doesn't direct his rage toward her. #I guess it's fine if you want to make Jason call Sheila a 'bitch' and spit on her memory in your own fan fiction. You do you. #But Jason Todd is a bad victim. His trauma is wrong. His coping is wrong. He loves people he shouldn't. #He responds to what has caused him pain--and not what others believe *should* have caused him pain. #He doesn't follow a textbook or what others judge *should* be the correct and proper and convenient response to trauma and injustice. #Jason is used to taking care of his parents. He is used to his parents failing him. Catherine and Willis and Sheila. #But not Bruce. Bruce promised him better. And Jason is so deeply humiliated for letting himself believe that promise with all his heart. #And perhaps... though she didn't want to... Sheila stayed with Jason at the end. And that was a promise that Bruce didn't keep. #long post #longpost #long #thecruellestmonth #Also I see Batman 428 as evidence that Sheila isn't Jason's birth mother because she refers to Jason's mother in the third person. #My theory is she was the back alley doctor who delivered him. Willis was her associate or friend or former lover. #Boston 'Number One Jason Todd Stan' Brand #Deadman Dead Again

[aroplatonic]

Sorry for dumb question but do alloaro people find the terms wlw, mlm, nblnb and so on exclusionary? For example, doesn't the term wlw exclude aro bi women and aro lesbians? Are terms like sapphic and achillean preferred or not? I'm alloromantic and I haven't seen alloaro people discuss that and I wish to learn more. I hope you have a good day

do other aroallo people wanna weigh in? personally I don't use any of those terms anyway bc I'm bisexual

#it does rub me the wrong way a little but it's not like people are forcing everyone to use those labels so #i don't really care #aromantic #aro #aroallo #aspec

[gayabeilles]

a bit slow on the uptake but happy to join in the madness, inspired by some of my favorite pictures of my idiot daughter Mayfly (refs below the cut)

credit to @coma_0423 on twitter and Amir Talai for this unholy abomination

#ngl i wasn’t going to draw this until I thought about the bottom left picture of May and I was like #oh that’s the same creature #anyway I had fun with it!!!!!!! #slowly forcing myself to get better at using procreate lol #side note I cannot BELIEVE there are 70k Poasts about this on the bird website #what is wrong with y’all (affectionate) #hazbin hotel #hazbin alastor #cursed cat alastor