#without ever stopping to think that maybe a teenage girl might read what they are writing

[honeysunai]

𝐌𝐘 𝐒𝐀𝐋𝐕𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍

Suguru Geto x y/n

When you first stepped into the Tokyo Metropolitan Curse Technical College as a teenager, you first fell head over heels over Suguru Geto. As the years went on, he chose a path of evil and violence that you couldn’t follow him to which led you to a heartbreak. Years later, you became a teacher at that same school and you weren’t expecting to ever see him again and you didn’t think an old flame could spark again even in the midst of war.

warning : 18+, smut with plot because I can’t write anything without plot for the life of me, angst, swearing, kidnapping I guess, Suguru being toxic and jealous and somewhat a bit soft.

author’s note :  This is like my first ever smut and I wrote it super quickly, so I hope you still enjoy it no matter!

word count : 4k+

You had a really bad feeling. It was crawling all over your skin since you woke up like something bad was about to happen. You got ready to early to stop for coffee and when you opened the door, you finally got a glimpse of that bad feeling. The white haired teacher with his infamous sunglasses was standing there with two coffees in his hands.

"Rise and shine sweet girl, we've got a big day." He chanted and you wanted to grab the coffee and slam the door on his stupidly handsome face. You grunted and slammed the door shut behind you and took one of the cups off his hands. "Couldn't sleep?"

"No. I have this bad feeling, I tried to take a steamy shower and wash my face with cold water to maybe shake it off, but it's still there." He hums at your words. "We'll have to watch Yuta a bit more carefully." You add as you take a sip of your coffee. You have been substituting Satoru's students with him just in case Yuta's curse, Rika would be unstable. You would use your own abilities to keep her calm.

You were the wielder of the Ten Commandments, these chains were in form of golden bands on all ten fingers. Your abilities was used by the school and many others to sooth curses to be able to study them alive or to destroy them.

"You overthink too much, the kid is doing great!" He pats you on the back. "I can think of a way or two to get this off your mind." He smirks and you elbow him, but still, you giggled anyway.

"I'll take you up on that offer if you pay for the drink this time." You tease.

"It is seven in the morning and your thinking of drinking, what kind of teacher are you?" He gasps in a dramatic way.

"And you about sex, what does that make you?" You retort.

"A... flirt?" And with that you rolled your eyes, he was a lost cause, but you loved him anyways because he had been your friend for so long... Too long. Recently, something between the two of you happened, a few drinks and there and you woke up naked in his bed cuddled to him. It became a casual thing between the two of you since that day.

The day was long as you predicted and you really couldn’t shake it off, it was like a bug crawling with its little spiky legs all over your back. You were in your office still sipping your coffee while reading boring reports your superior gave you. You were lost in your reading when the crawling suddenly stopped. You looked outside your window to see a gigantic stork made its way to the entrance of the school. You sprinted out your office with your heart beating out of your chest, it had to be him and if it was... it wasn’t a good sign. 

Once you reached the door you saw Satoru standing proud in front of his students and in front of him was a tall man, with thick long dark hair halfway in a bun and as you approached closer, his features became clearer to your eyes. A sharp jawline, piercing dark eyes and a smile that only meant no good... It was him. It was Suguru Geto. 

You made your way in front of Satoru and the kids to protect them against him if he tried something. You knew him better than anyone and you knew he wouldn’t dare to hurt you no matter how much he might want to. There was only one reason he was here in the first place and it was Rika and you wouldn’t let him get to Yuta. 

“Leave my students alone.” You bared your teeth at the man who used to be yours. He towered you with his height and only smiled at you. “Satoru might play nice with you, but I won’t.” You were clenching your fists ready to use your cursed objects on him. You never have been bashful in front of him and you wouldn’t cower now. He took a good look at you and scoffed. 

“I’m here to declare war.” He finally speaks his gaze never leaving yours. “Don’t get too busy on December 24, you’ll need all of your energy because I will commence the Night Parade of a Hundred Demons.” He simply says as if it was nothing. “ Thousand cursed spirits will be unleashed in both Shinjuku and Kyoto and all will be ordered to kill every non-sorcerer in sight.” His chuckle his dark and dry. “I challenge you to try to stop me. It will be like the good old days.” He glared at Satoru. “You have one week until war is upon you. Until then, I’ll borrow this little one.” He was too fast for everyone and grabbed you yanking you in the curses mouth. You didn’t even have time to comprehend the speed he had before the stork flew away. 

You were in a bedroom that had no windows and one door that was locked. You can barely remember what happened. You were in a storks mouth and now you were here. Someone must’ve knocked you out really good. Your rings were gone too. You paced around the room, not knowing what your plan was. You were going to kill the first person that enters the room and you were going to escape, as simple as that. You have done that a few times in your younger days, it shouldn’t be too hard now. 

You breathing was heavier and you were angry, your face flushed. You waited and waited until the door unlocked and a tall muscular figure appeared. His long black hair loose, only wearing a blue kimono that you bought him at some point. You didn’t waste a second before running towards him and crashing your fist against his jaw.

“You motherfucker!” You yelled at him.

“So feisty.” He teased. “But I deserved that one.” He chuckles and you were not in the mood for jokes. A lump in your throat was forming and your fist were shaking. After all these years you wanted to kill him, but now that he’s in front of you, you just want to scream and cry. 

“You left me.” You tone was dry as if he had sucked the life out of you. Your fists tried to connect with his face once more, but he was faster than you were and knew your technics because he was the one who thought you how to fight. At each missed attempt, your tears were filling your eyes. “You betrayed me and you killed so many of our friends— You— You—” At every word you were jabbing at his face hoping your fist would connect with his jaw at some point, but he still moved out of the way of each and every single one.

He finally catches your first in one hand and smiled at you. “I missed you too, y/n.” You were caught off guard. He yanked you closer to him and tears were falling down your cheeks. “You were always a crybaby, my love.” You pushed yourself away from his grasp like it was burning. You held a hand before you to put space between the two of you. 

“Don’t—” You spoke as you dried your own tears. “You are nothing to me anymore.”

“Aren’t I?” His smug smile annoyed you and yet comforted you at the same time. You were angry with him as anyone should in your situation. He started to circle you as if you were his prey, his little crying lamb. “I know you and I know you love me, just as you did all those years ago. I still do.” He admits.

Your heart was pounding in your chest. “But loving me wasn’t enough to stay.”

“You’ve got it all wrong, in fact it was your love who gave me strength to leave and to become who I am.” He was proud of what he was and you were disgusted.

“A murderer?” You scoff. “Should I be flattered you’re putting the blood on your hands on mine?”

“Your words, my love, not mine.” He came to a stop behind you and walked closer to your frozen body. “No blood should ever tarnish that beautiful skin of yours as long as I’m alive.” You hummed in disapproval. “You know why you are here, don’t you?” His presence drew closer to your back and you were shivering. “Join me.” His voice his as soft as his thumb caressing your jaw. “I can give you anything you want, only if you chose me over Satoru.”

“That’s what this is about, jealousy.”

“What if it was?” You can feel the smugness in his tone. “You put yourself in front of a man who can’t be touched, ready to accept any punishment I wanted to unleash at that precise moment. You grew fond of him over the years I was gone.” He sounded disgusted. “Enough to die for him.” The stroke of his thumb came to a sharp stop, before going up your cheek to wipe a tear you silently cried. Why were you crying? You weren’t scared of him, so what was it? Was it guilt perhaps? Because you let yourself have other men when he left you? “Do you love him?” His purrs. 

"Why is that any of your business if I love another man than you.” The last word was like a stab at his cold and dark heart. “You weren’t there anymore.”

“Because you are mine, you were mine the day I first saw you.” His lips were near your ear sending shivers down your spine. “And when I first kissed you” His hand left your cheek to trail down your neck, your collar bone... “And when I tasted your sweet cunt...” He gently caressed your breast, his touch burning your skin beneath your shirt. You leaned against him, savoring him and the burning lust you feel. “you were mine only.” His warm and soft lips met with your shoulder, slowly making his way up your neck. His hand still kneading your breast, you let out a low moan as you gave in. “There you go my love, it wasn’t so hard was it?” He whispered against your ear. “Building a new world without you would mean nothing. So say it, say yes.”

It was wrong. You swore an oath to protect innocent, not annihilate them. You couldn’t give up who you were for him. He had left you with a trail of blood behind him, shattering your heart into millions of pieces you still were picking up. He was your first love and the one you wanted to spend the rest of your life with, but he chose a dark path you wouldn’t follow him into no matter how much you yearn for him . Not then and not now.

“I would do anything for you, my love.” You turned around and locked gaze with him. His pupils were blown, filled of lust, waiting for you to make a move. 

“Anything?” He nods. “Answer truthfully.” You wanted to ask him if he would stop the war, but he wouldn’t, it wasn’t like him to back down from a fight. He wanted something now and he was impatient to get it, enough that he would dare to come back at the very place he despised most. “Why did you take my rings away, don’t you trust me?”

“I do.” He speaks. “But I think I like you better with only one on this finger.” He speaks before pressing his soft lips to the knuckle of your ring finger. Was he asking you to marry him? “But if you want them back” He starts while shuffling a hand in the pocket of his kimono. “you can have them.” Ten golden bands were in the palm of his hand and inside one of them was engraved with something. You picked it up and analyzed it.

My salvation

On the band of your ring finger, he had wrote these words he once called you. A soft smile crept on your lips innocently and something warmed his heart for the first time in a long time. You looked up at him with the same innocent eyes that made him fall in love with you and the way his lips were curling upward was a genuine smile. There he was, your Suguru.

You were his salvation, the one who would either save him, deliver it from all evil or be his ruin. Whatever it meant to him, it meant a lot. 

He brushed his thumb on your lower lip, gazing it with such lust. “You broke my heart too all those years ago when you refused to join me, but there wasn’t a single day I didn’t think about what those beautiful lips of yours could do.” Your heart was pounding in your chest as his eyes went back to yours. “They could bring the mightiest sorcerer to his knees.” 

Why don’t you find out? Was what you wanted to say, but your action spoke louder as you pushed yourself on your tip toes and crashed your lips on his in one swift moment that caught him off guard. It wasn’t slow or soft, it was feral and hungry. You wanted him, all of him as if he was slipping away from your grasp. He tossed the rings on the ground before grabbing a hold of you with one firm hand on your hip and the other to the back of your neck. He picked you up with only one of his arm, his mouth never leaving yours, and sat you on top of the dresser next to him. He pulled away and deep inside you, you were afraid he was going to leave again, but instead of leaving, his blown pupils were observing you and your blushed face.

“My pretty girl.” He whispers before dragging his lips across your jaw, while leaving a trail of wet kisses down to your collar bone. All the while his hands and yours were working on the silk blouse you were wearing. You shuffled out of it and Suguru smiled against your skin before his lips found the globe of your breasts still covered with a bra. He unlatched it with ease and freed your nipples only him to cover one back up with his strong large hand and the other teasingly licking the sensitive nub.

You arched your back and your hand found his thick hair that you grabbed hard, making him groan against your nipple. His hands let go of you shortly to undo your pants and taking them off for you. His mouth leaves of your breasts and you are burning up, everything about him is setting you ablaze. The skin of your stomach remains untouched by him and he his not satisfied as wet kisses made their way down until he was on his knees before you, his head near your naked cunt and you nearly begged him to fuck you at the sight of him like this.  

His teeth graze your inner thigh and you mewled at that, you were melting. His bite was soft and what sent you to the edge was when he started sucking the gentle skin getting closer to your core. He was so close to give you what you wanted, but he stopped before even allowing his lips to devour you and looked up at you with a devilish smirk you knew all too well.

His fingers were digging in your thighs as if he was restraining himself to act in his impulses “So what is your answer, my love?”

“Please," You begged, panting like you've been running a marathon. "My King." He smirks satisfied before dipping his head inside your thigh to lick one long stripe off your fold. The sound you made was ecstatic, it felt relieving to have him this way. You sigh in pleasure and it wasn’t enough of a reaction for him and so he buried his face into you, dinking, eating, licking at your pussy like he never had before.

Your back was off the wall and gripping at the furniture beneath you. You screamed as he sucked at your throbbing clit. You didn’t care if anyone was outside. He didn’t care either. Not by the way he laughed against you. “That’s it. That’s it” he said. “You want me to stretch this pussy for you?” You hummed waiting eagerly for his fingers to fill you up. “Use your words.” He whispers before sucking harshly on your clit making you jolt.

“Yes!” You cried. 

“Yes what?” He was getting cocky because you were never one to beg, but for him you seemed to always were and it was getting to his ego.  

“Yes sir.” You breathe hard as you can feel the tip of one finger circling your entrance, lapping the juice all around it and the tip of his finger. 

“Atta girl.” He leans down to kiss your clit and diving his slender finger all the way inside you, making you gasp, eyes shut as you focused on the building tension in your gut. The way it enveloped you, tugging at every nerve in your body.

"Fuck- yes, Suguru.” You moaned.

It was never enough, not until he filled you completely. But he couldn't resist the satisfaction of your pussy clenching around his finger, especially when he added a second, listening to the vulgar sounds of your wetness squelching around him.

He marveled at the sight of your climax; head falling back, a whimper ascending into a moan, your forehead prickling with sweat. It was impossible to tear his eyes from you, to deny himself the vision of you coming undone on his hand. Your ribs shifting with every breath, hugging your breasts as you leaned back. He lifted his other hand to run over the ridges.

You shivered, relaxing against the wall as the last of your orgasm died out, breathing hard. He stood back up and your eyes met, his predatory gaze on you as he put the two digits he used on you in his mouth, licking your juice off of them.

“I could spend hours drinking you, my love.” He leaned closer to you, kissing your lips once and slithering both arms beneath your ass, lifting you back up in his arms. “But I want to fuck you, so desperately.” He admits and you could’ve cum from the way he sounded as he spoke those words. He laid you there on the bed, so gently, but you had other plans. 

You flipped him under you and he chuckled lowly. “I do like my woman in charge.” 

“You said you were thinking about my lips and what they could do.” You smile as you so slowly undo the belt of his kimono freeing his long erect cock out. “And I too want to have my way with you.” You leaned down over the large head of his dick already wet with precum. You looked at him through your lashes and gave him a taste of his own medicine as you licked the slit of the tip in one long swipe. He hissed loudly, his dick twitching, hitting your upper lip. 

You let a dripple of spit slithering down his shaft and wrapped a hand around it, barely closing around it. You lowered your head against him swallowing him the further you could with your hand slowly jerking the base of his cock as you slowly bobbed your head up and down.

“Fuck...” He groans pulling your hair away from your face to get a better look at your wet lips working up and down his length, adding more pressure with your tongue when you get closer to his tip, making him trust in your mouth. You gagged at the sudden jerk of his hips and he chuckles. “Such a dirty girl for me.” He smiles looking at the curve of your ass in the air, before his eyes return to the heavenly sight before him, his lover with his cock in her mouth, barely taking it all in her mouth. He was greedy and he knew it, but he wanted you so close to him. “Relax your throat for me, my love, I want you to take me all in before I fuck this tight pussy of yours.” And you tried to do as he asked as his grip on the roots of your hair tightened and forced you down his shaft. He let out a loud moan that turned into groan when all of his disappeared down your throat. Your gags made him shiver and he decided to use your face as he fucked himself upward in your mouth until he was satisfied. 

You could only comply to him and let him use you, you hummed in pleasure when you tasted his precum on your tongue and it being pushed down your throat by his shaft. Tears were wielding up in your eyes, he was so big, but you wanted this so badly. 

He finally pulled your head back to admire you, his mess. Your lips were puffy and red with spit down your chin. He yanked you under him and pressed his lips to your hungry to taste your mouth again. 

You swallowed thickly as you him lining it up with your pulsing hole.

He laid his hand on your pelvis, his thumb rubbing over your clit as he pushed himself into you. “Fuck” he spat, his head thrown back. He buried himself to the hilt. “Still so tight. But feels so good”

You could only moan, words not being enough for how it felt. 

He caged your head with his forearms as he leaned over you and began to thrust his cock into you. He always started with a steady pace. His length effortlessly stroking over every sweet spot in your pussy. The protruding vein rubbing deliciously over your walls.

The room now being filled with pants and moans from you both, and squelching sounds from your soaked pussy. Your noises were nothing short of pornographic. Both of you. Suguru was just as loud as you were. Moaning your name and swears. His mouth hanging open and eyes in the back of his head. He was lost in the pleasure and that only made him go harder.

He wanted to feel your tight pussy strangle his cock. Squeeze out every last drop of come into you. He wanted you to be his cumdump. He wanted to watch his come ooze out of your still spasming pussy.

“Does he fuck you like I do?” Suguru’s large hand wrapped around your jaw forcing you to look him in his eyes when you’re going to answer him.

“No!” You cried. 

“That’s right, because only I can make you feel this good.” His pace became faster and you could feel your walls tightening, you were so close. “You’re mine.” He grunts. “Only mine.” His words had you shaking. Had you coming. Coming on his cock. He groaned, growled, damn near barked into your ear when you clenched around him. Chanting ‘yes’ in your ear over and over and over. Drilling himself into you. Your body twitching from the overstimulation now taking over you. Your nails were digging in his back as you rode your orgasm at his pace.

But he kept on going. Kept on pounding into you. Ignoring how you screamed. Ignoring the way you thrashed underneath him. The pleasure becoming too much. But still so good.

You could feel it.

The long, thick stings of burning hot come shooting into you. The sensation had you coming a second time. Suguru shivered. A new tightness around him. Tighter than he had felt before. He cried out your name and continued to drive himself into you.

He slammed his lips to yours. His tongue finding it’s way back down your throat. He swallowed all of your noises. Swallowed them and matched them. 

His pace slowed and he finally pulled out of you, his lips never leaving yours. He laid beside you and smiled at you in a way that made your heart ache and yearn for him. 

“I love you Suguru.” You spoke as you caressed his cheek with that same expression you always had towards him, filled with love. He wrapped you in his arms, bringing you closer to his chest. 

“You’re all I’ve ever wanted, my love.” He whispered against your hair as he caresses your back so gently. “In this new world, we will be undefeatable together.” You brought yourself closer to him and kissed the column of his neck as an answer before closing your eyes. 

As you laid there hours later, wide awake your thoughts were running wild. No matter how much you loved him, in this world you were bound to be enemies. You hoped in another you were together with a family of your own, happy, passionate and in love. You scooted out of his grasp, dressed up silently, you carefully picked up your rings scattered across the room and you, his ruination dressed as a salvation, left his compound without ever saying goodbye as he once did to you. No. Your last words were that you loved him, because you still did, you never stopped. You hoped the words you spoke so lovingly will hung in his mind when he will wake up alone. Your heart is slowly breaking at each step you took. It was the last time you would see him until you both meet on the battle field on opposite sides. 

#getou suguru x you #suguru geto #jujustsu kaisen x reader #jujutsu #gojo satoru #jujutsu geto #geto suguru smut #jujutsu kaisen smut #jjk x reader #jjk #jujutsu kaisen angst #Jujutsu Kaisen #jujutsu sorcerer #jujutsu kaisen zero

[starguardianniom]

Shadybug and Chloé

So I read that many people were peeved that Chloé Bourgeois got namedropped when Shadybug was ranting to Ladyfly about how she didn't have a good life and only knew pain and suffering at the ends of Chloé and well, I feel like it kinds of fit though?

Hear me out first before branding your pitchforks please.

In Shadybug and Claw Noir's world, Betterfly says that any forms of mutual aid is a CRIME.

So let's just say that probably shades some lights on why Shadybug is so angry and bitter and jealous of Ladybug, she has no one to turn to but her partner who tries to backstab her constantly and wouldn't mind killing her off without a second thought if she pushed her luck too much.

If helping someone else is a crime in their world, it would probably explain why Shadybug has no friends, the girl squad trying to comfort her back in Derision the year before and Socqueline standing up for her would probably get them in serious trouble and it wouldn't be with just Chloé, but probably the teachers and other students witnessing them help Emonette in any way.

No idea what would be the punishment, but most likely something they don't dare to try to chance it.

So they are not close to Emonette and don't befriend her, so she is really alone to face her bully.

Who is probably worse than the actual Chloé if there is really no one stopping her from making Emonette feeling even worse.

The Supreme being the main villain and not Gabriel changed some stuff in their world, and it starts with different laws and views on some things, and one of them is helping others in any way is seen as criminal.

Apparently being decent in that universe makes you a pariah or something like that.

That might also explains why Shadybug says she doesn't have a nice mom, her mom probably doesn't dare to do anything against her bullying, or even if she is maybe concerned about it, can't help her because again it's a crime to help others in that universe apparently.

Not that even if she did try, Chloé is most likely still the daughter of the mayor in that universe too and can get away with it while probably having Emonette and Sabine being punished for any perceived slight against her, weither she is in the right or wrong. We saw several examples in the show of her doing just that, and some where before and after she became Queen Bee so.

And let's not forget that Emonette doesn't have Alya either, so she probably went through what Marinette went through 4 seasons with Chloé on a different scale, given there are no heroes but Betterfly to defend them and inspire them, and since helping others is not acceptable, Chloé has no one to look up to and idolize and wanting to be better, this universe seems to encourage people to be worse instead of better and anyone thinking the opposite becomes a criminal.

Again, their universe is quite different from the one the show takes place in and maybe it would help to remember that.

Sure it sucks for all of Chloé's fans to have her name dragged in the mud again it seems, but it's a different Chloé from quite a nasty piece of work of a universe as far as I can tell, so to me it checks out.

Because at the beginning before Marinette heard about Adrien and he becoming Ladybug to save Paris her biggest concern was Chloé Bourgeois.

She had known Chloé for years and was her favorite target, and given she was a normal teenager back then, her bully being her biggest source of angst, given how nasty Chloé is and with her father's name backing her up, seems to have it big on her plate.

Because the only person who ever gave Marinette a hard time was Chloé, never the others students, until that one time in Derision with Kim but well we're not gonna dwell on that anymore.

So it makes sense Emonette's biggest concern who made her life horrible was also Chloé Bourgeois until she got her miraculous from the Supreme, if no one else was willing to being marked a criminal for daring to help her via actual laws.

Because if people forgot about it the Supreme had no problem using two 14 years old teenagers to become his enforcers while also hiding the fact that using their powers for evil would destroy them, and those kids were fucking working for him willingly, so imagine how other 14 years old kids (mainly the class) would fare if they dared breaking the law for Emonette by helping her in any way?

Not much better it seems, given the Supreme was willing to let 2 teens die slowly despite their loyalty to him it means most likely being a kid isn't an excuse to break the law.

Gabriel said people lived in fear of the Supreme, I got a pretty good idea of why when thinking about it all.

I'm legit scared of Emonette's universe not gonna lie.

Helping people being a crime there, think about it for a second.

Chloé would have no reason to change for the better unless she would want to have problems with the actual ruler of the world.

Sounds far fetched but then again the Supreme was also able to prevent people from making a wish with Gimmi, aka the actual top god so yeah, it sucks but it's how it is in that universe.

BUT. BUT.

Doesn't mean that Emonette can't make Chloé change to become a better person in the future, but we probably won't see that happening if we ever see her again, or if we do it will probably just be mentionned quickly, or they will have bigger concerns to deal with.

#miraculous ladybug #ml season 5 spoilers #marinette dupain cheng #ml s5 spoilers #ml s5 leaks #ml leaks #mlb #meta #chloé bourgeois #chloe bourgeois #ml analysis #ml spoilers #ml angst #emo marinette #emonette #shadybug and claw noir #ml special #ml special paris spoilers #ml special paris #ml speculation

[kariachi]

Skimming a transcript of What Are Little Girls Made Of and damn, no wonder that girl jumped when Kevin said he wanted her to stick around. Verdona goes 'hey, run away to another planet with me, a relative you've known less than three hours' and when she turns to her parents for help her dad is just 'well I never got the chance to run off to another planet' and her mom- of "polite people don't glow" fame- starts off with "we hoped you'd take after my side of the family" before going down the 'we won't stop you' path.

Because gods know that shit's what a teenager who just had their life turned upside down wants to hear. Not 'you should sleep on it' or 'slow down mom you've been back like an hour' but 'I never got this chance' and 'we hoped you wouldn't be like this' and 'we won't stop you going'.

And of course Verdona just immediately 'that's that settled let's go' with no actual input from Gwen because she's like that. So Gwen runs off because everything is a lot, and the boys follow, and then Ben decides to be supportive. By telling her that yeah they'll miss her if she leaves for possibly forever, but it's okay because they'll easily be able to replace her on the team.

Just, Benjamin.

This is what happens when you're too focused on 'must be supportive' that you fail to read a fucking room. Of course Gwen immediately goes 'then I won't go' when Kevin says he wants her around, because she's got her grandma going 'fuck this shit come with me and you'll actually be happy', and her dad going 'this is opportunity I never got', and her mom's bullshit plus 'we're not gonna do anything to stop you going', and Ben immediately segueing how they can replace her- Poor girl is overwhelmed and uncertain and most definitely feels like all her relatives except the one who didn't give two shits until she showed the Spark are going 'we don't care about having you here or if we ever see you again'.

And then Kevin, who I am reasonably certain is a case of 80% selfishness and 20% being the only person here who can read a room, when asked if he agrees with Ben, says no. Say's he can't believe she'd even consider it. Says he wants her around.

And Gwen immediately takes it, because this girl is looking for fucking permission. Seriously. We've seen enough of the Tennysons to know they're a 'but they're family' family, and Gwen was raised to be very polite, and Verdona's a fucking whirlwind of a personality coming in like a tornado to flip her life and try to take her away, ten to one Gwen honestly at this point feels like all the pressure is on her to say yes. Verdona wants her to come along and while it's not their intention her family's attempts at support easily come off as 'are you still here?' And the things Gwen herself says on the matter, immediately going to how she'd probably be gone a long time, that she might not even come back, and her wondering if she even belongs- When Ben says they'd miss her she actually asks him if they really will. To which his response is functionally 'yes but we can replace you'.

Any doubts and uncertainties she already had, her family is just compounding them, and I think by the time she turns to Kevin she knows she doesn't want to leave. I think she always did, but with everything happening at once... I think she knew she didn't want to go, but was beginning to wonder if anyone would care if she did. She mentions having never felt entirely like she fit in, and with her mom's shit... Having everyone going 'yeah you should go right now we support you without question' just makes her feel like maybe she should go, whether she wants to or not, because clearly here, the people she's closest to are all but packing her things for her.

They don't mean to come off like that, they only want to support her, but they're so focused on supporting what they think she wants that they don't stop to learn what she does want, or even give her the time to figure that out herself.

Then she turns to Kevin. And Kevin's quote- "Why would you even think about it? I want you around."

And immediately 1) any doubts she's been having as regards going are validated in that 'why would you think about it', because she does not know this woman and is being asked to give up everything she does know on no notice for her promises, and 2) even if her grandma only gives a fuck because she's Sparky and her family are damn near shoving her out the door, somebody wants her around. The world won't just go 'whoo, finally got rid of her' if she leaves, at least one person would be sad to see her go.

Somebody agrees that this isn't just a 100% great deal we're so happy for you. Somebody will care if she's gone.

And that's all she needs, is someone to back her up on not going, and to make it known that she's wanted where she is. That the hole she would leave can't just have somebody else slotted into it and everything's fine.

And of course it's the guy from the broken home that gave it to her.

#ben 10 #ben 10 analysis #gwen tennyson #ben also insists they're practically rolling in people to replace her with like boy you have alan #and he's too good for you fuckers #gwen in this episode needs a hug and a nap #ben too but to a much lesser degree #he already hadn't earned as much of it and then he lost some privileges by segueing immediately #from 'we'll miss you' to 'don't worry you're replaceable' #that shit's why i had to make this post #'why does team tennyson need a con artist?' because nobody in this family can read a fucking room

[unecoccinellenoire]

33+50, gabenath? I love these fics so much, whenever I see one no matter what it's about I get excited to read it because of how much I love your writing. Keep up the great work <3

"Alright sir," Nathalie pushes her chair away from her desk, reaching for her phone, "That's-"

“You done for the day.” He keeps his eyes firmly on his screen. He won’t betray his weakness to her. “I’m aware. You don’t have to keep announcing how delighted you are to be away from me.”

“I was just being polite sir. Letting you know I wouldn’t be around for anything else you needed.”

He can’t help looking up as he scoffs. “Oh come off it Nathalie. You haven’t ‘just been polite’ to me ever since you decided you hated me.”

Her hand frozen above her phone since his interruption moves back to her side and she straightens up. “I wouldn’t describe it as decided to. Personally if we were going to use the word decided then I’d call it the time when you decided to disappoint me more than I ever thought you’d were able to do.”

Anger surges up his throat like acid, and were it any softer his grip on his stylus would break it. “You don’t have to stay you know.”

“You know why I stay,” her voice is quiet but firm and this time she picks up her phone and puts it in her pocket as if she plans to leave.

“Because you don’t trust me with my son. Or to understand that I failed. That I lost. That the only reason I’m not infamous right now is because some teenage girl thinks she loves my son. And that I’m stupid enough to try again.”

“That’s not the only stupid thing I worry about you doing?”

“What does that mean?”

“Maybe you should think about it,” she pushes her chair in with a final movement and turns and-

“Nathalie,” he doesn’t know when he reached out for her but there his hand is extended in front of him, the stylus on the floor.

She’s stopped, frowning, she almost looks worried though he won’t delude himself it’s for him.

“We need talk,” he says.

She inhales, then, “alright.”

“I’m not going to do anything stupid.” He pauses, but she doesn’t take the obvious bait and somewhat gratified he continues, “and you know Adrien will tell Ladybug if I do anything to him.”

“I don’t actually.”

Her tone is light, but he can hear the strain hiding behind. He’s not good at recognising emotions. Not without his Miraculous. Maybe not even with his Miraculous. But Emilie had used to do thatback when she was getting sicker and sicker. She’d done it enough times to burn that fake unconcern into his eardrums, and so he can recognise it now.

“Oh for-“

“I’m not blaming you actually. Or- I guess I am, but I’m to blame too and Emilie. Adrien,” she sighs, “Adrien doesn’t really know how things should be. Or when something goes past the awkwardness that would be expected in these circumstances to-“

“Adrien wants to move out.”

Her eyes widen, just a little, for a moment. “Adrien’s 15.”

“I’m aware,” he grits out, “but as he points out I was willing to send him to London. And on a world tour.”

“I was supposed to be with him on that.”

“If I don’t let him go he’ll run.”

Nathalie presses her lips together. “Where’s he want to go?”

“Where do you think,” he scoffs, “his lady’s.”

“That seems…unwise. I thought they were still on the outs.”

“Apparently they’ve made up,” then it hits him, “he hasn’t said any of this to you?”

Odd that. For Adrien to tell him and not Nathalie.

“I know my and Adrien’s relationship must seem undamaged to you,” Nathalie says, “but that’s because we had months to make up while you were, er-“

“Dead?”

Her nods tightly. “So. I was still Mayura. I countermanded you but I didn’t give him the rings. I don’t know that he truly trusts me yet. But then, I might be overthinking it.”

“How so?”

“Adrien doesn’t like disappointing people. He might not have told me because he knows I’d disapprove. And because he doesn’t want the argument. Easier to get you to present it as a fait accompli, and after all you are his father. If you’ve signed off on it then…”

Gabriel marvels, “I never thought Adrien was that sly.”

“He was Chat Noir beneath our noses all that time.” Her shoulder shifts in what could almost be a shrug, “and like I said, a lot of it is him being non-confrontational I think.”

“Chat Noir is plenty confrontational.”

“He’s finds it easier behind a mask. He’s like you that way.”

Something in her presumption making that comparison like she knows him grates at him, makes him want to get under her skin too, to prove she doesn’t know him as well as she thinks.

“I don’t think I was that different as Gabriel or Monarch near the end.”

“No.” And her lips purse again, “You weren’t.”

He draws his hands behind his back, reminded as he is every time he does it of his bare ring finger, “the thing is Nathalie, with Adrien leaving there’s no need for you to stay. You can go.”

She cocks her head, “are you threatening to fire me?”

“Threatening you? I’m giving you an out. I know you hate me. I know you want nothing more than never see me again. That- to you that mistake I made for unforgivable. And I’m telling you that you can go. That I’m not going to do anything stupid. I know I’m beaten, and soon Adrien is going to be out of my reach. You can leave Nathalie. Go back to your old profession and-“

“Stop!”

“What?”

Her shoulders rise and fall and then she strides over to him, “Gabriel Agreste, do you think I can just go back to my old work? When I’ve been your personal assistant for years and years and what I did was illegal before that, and-“

“Alright,” it’s his turn to interrupt her because he is so so tired of hearing this, “I ruined your life just like I ruined Emilie’s and I’ve ruined Adrien’s. I get it. I’m a terrible person. I’m so unlovable my son wishes I wasn’t his father, my one time best friend only stays because she feels she has to guard me as atonement or something, and my wife would hate me if she could see me. I get it. And I don’t need you here reinforcing that every day and making us both miserable when- mumph!”

Her hand on his mouth abruptly stops his speech.

Despite the fact they’re still her human aquamarine it feels like he’s looking into Mayura’s eyes not Nathalie’s. There’s an intensity to them that freezes him like a gorgon making it impossible to fight back.

Not that Nathalie probably wouldn’t win anyway despite his greater reach. He knows she still trains, relishing that she’s healthy enough to do so again.

“Gabriel Agreste.” She hisses out his name, “you are an idiot.”

He’s about to lick her hand in retaliation for that when-

“How dare you care yourself unloveable to my face when I’ve loved you for years?!”

His lips part in shock against her hand and she pulls it away again looking ready for a fight despite her confession.

“But you hate me?”

Nathalie looks frankly unimpressed. He can’t blame her, he hadn’t meant to say something that sounded that unintelligent.

“Love can’t just be extinguished in one moment. Not that you didn’t give it a good try afterwards, but then,” he sees the movement of her throat as she swallows and, “you died. And you know it wouldn’t have hurt so much when you failed me if I hadn’t loved you so much in the first place. But you know that much. I suppose that now you don’t have your Miraculous-”

“I didn’t actually.”

“What?”

“Know.”

“But- your Miraculous.”

“I didn’t realise it was love,” he pinches at the bridge of his nose, “we know that Miraculous didn’t suit me. Or maybe I was deluding myself. But- you still…”

She nods tightly.

“Ah.”

“Quite.” Nathalie says, “So maybe you’re right. Maybe I should go.”

“I-“ can’t let you leave now you’ve just said that, but he can’t say he loves her back either- not yet anyway,“if you think that’s best.”

“What I think best is for Adrien not to move in with the family of the teenage girlfriend he still wasn’t worked out all his issues we. So. Yes, I’ll move out. But I’m taking him with me.”

That’s- “that’s a much better plan. Yes, find somewhere suitable for the two of you and I’ll pay.”

“You don’t-“

“He’s my son.”

“Alright.” She relaxes, “I’m not sure about the job. I don’t like the idea of leaving you alone.”

“I told you. I won’t do anything stupid.”

“And will you talk to anyone about anything that isn’t work?”

He can feel his shoulders slump. “I suppose you have me there. But then we haven’t spoken about anything but work or Adrien since I came back either.”

“No. We haven’t. I guess I have been punishing you.”

“It worked.”

“It’s doesn’t feel as satisfying as I expected.”

“You know,” he muses, “there’d have to be a transition, you couldn’t just leave your job immediately.”

“That’s true.”

“That’s time for me to do better. If you can think of anyone who’d want to be around me.”

“Harry’s always been pretty forgiving of your moods.”

“That’s true. And perhaps there’s someone else who might like to spend some time with me socially. Once she’s no longer working for and living with me.”

For once the amusement “Me?”

“You don’t have to. But perhaps we could go out for dinner? Visit a museum and you can explain everything to me?”

Her lips curve up, “that sounds like a date.”

“It was meant to.”

“You’re sure?”

“I am. ”

“Then- yes.

#gabenath #gabriel agreste #nathalie sancoeur

[aihoshiino]

what's your #1 chapter/moment? by character if you're up to writing another essay

"if you're up to writing another essay". you guys know me so well <3

For the sake of not taking like 8 weeks to answer this ask, I'll limit this to just the Hoshinos for now.

Ai: So, my actual fave Ai moment is not from the manga itself so I'll pick my fave manga moment then talk about my actual fave moment. It's fine, she's my favourite so she gets preferential treatment!!!! (saitou behaviour……)

From the manga itself, my favourite Ai moment is her death, believe it or not lol. I'm one of the Oshi no Sickos who think her arc being capped by her death is narratively speaking the perfect conclusion to everything we learn about her life – the entertainment industry ruined every opportunity Ai ever had at a normal life up to and having that conclude with Ai's literal, actual life being taken by an embodiment of the misogyny and violence that's been inflicted on her since she was a child is such a miserable, cathartic bit of tragedy. But moreso than that, what resonates with me so strongly about this moment is how Ai responds to it - or rather, how she fails to respond.

Even though it would make so much sense for her to be bitter or angry or upset, she makes an active choice to spend her last moments alive pouring out love and literally spends her last breaths on telling Ruby and Aqua she loves them. It says so, so much about what a deeply kind and incredibly strong person Ai is that she was able to do that.

My actual favourite Ai moment is her conversation with Kyun in Viewpoint B and the reveal that their meeting in the park was so impactful to Ai that it lead her to consider Kyun her closest friend for years afterwards. Like her death, the way Ai goes out of her way to approach Kyun and try to reach out to her speaks so deeply so her kindness and her desire to connect with other people and there's a little part of me that always wonders if maybe if this fleeing friendship had come to pass for real, Ai might have been saved. At the very least, there's something bitterly sweet about knowing that for as alone as Ai was in B-Komachi, she had someone she called a friend even so.

Aqua: Honestly, I love so many Aqua moments, it's hard to pick just one but I will never be over the Piyeon ruse. Aqua was so put out by the girl he has a crush on not talking to him that he dressed as a bodybuilding chicken with a squeaky voice for a week. Literally the most teenage thing any teenager in this series has done. Embarrassing ass kid.

My actual serious answer is Aqua's breakdown during Tokyo Blade - specifically, the 'internal' scenes where he's confronted by both Goro and his younger self. These are so, so important for getting at the core of who Aqua really is and they're honestly bone-chilling to read. Seeing Goro as this malicious, intrusive force who is preventing Aqua from being happy, seeing the words he batters Aqua with and realizing that this is the kind of shit Aqua probably thinks about himself every day honestly kind of turns my stomach a bit! It's clear before this that Aqua struggles with self-hate and self-blame but seeing the sheer extent of it is so horrible.

That this confrontation essentially climaxes in the hallway where Ai died, with Aqua face to face with his younger self, also underlines something that's really fundamental to understanding who Aqua is; at his core, Aqua has never stopped being that little boy covered in his mother's blood. He has, emotionally speaking, never been able to leave that hallway and until he allows himself to do so, he's going to continue self destructing and taking everyone down with him.

It's honestly the scene I'm most excited to see animated... season 2 can't come soon enough!!!

Ruby: Without a doubt it has to be her and Ai's dance practice scene back in volume 1, but especially in the anime's portrayal of it. I think OnK's handling of the past life stuff is at its best in moments like this, where it actually meaningfully engages with what it would mean for someone to carry such deep trauma from their past and how it would continue to affect them going forward. We get little hints of this leading up to it, like Ruby outright saying she's never thought about her future (implicitly because she was aware she would not have one as Sarina) and the way she so enthusiastically gives her all to playing and having fun with other kids at school - because those are things that she never got to do as Sarina. But her dance scene and her thoughts leading up to it really hammer in just how deeply this has affected Ruby - she spends almost three years living with the expectation that at any moment, her body will betray and hurt her for seemingly no reason to the point that it affects how she walks and carries herself moment to moment.

This is also a really good Ai moment for her as a moment and it also highlights something really special about Ai and Ruby's relationship I feel we don't get as much post-timeskip; how genuinely healing and wonderful their connection was for both of them. I've talked before about the running motif of toxic motherhood on Oshi no Ko and how Ai, as a character, is sort of a refutation of the other shitty oshi no moms in the series. Knowing that both Ai and Ruby are victims of toxic mothers, it makes it so deeply, incredibly powerful that these two victims find healing and acceptance in each other and the genuinely loving and supportive mother/daughter bond they have with each other.

The anime's version of this scene is also just easily one of its biggest highlights for me. The gorgeous colours, the overlapping of Sarina and Ruby's voices and the palpable affection Ruby and Ai have for each other... it's just so lovely and it makes me a little teary-eyed every time I watch it. The transformation of Sarina's sorrow into Ruby's joy and empowerment is such an important foundational part of Ruby's arc in the first part of the series and I'm so glad the anime really got it right.

#oshi no ko #oshi no posting #onk spoilers #ai hoshino #hoshino ai #ruby hoshino #hoshino ruby #aqua hoshino #hoshino aqua

[rotationalsymmetry]

Mm. Read something about the ethics of what gets depicted in media, and it's not the worst take ever but I think it's still a little off. Or at least, it's not really how I see things.

My basic perspective is exposure to ideas is always good, and the answer to exposure to bad ideas is exposure to better ideas.

(Maybe not for very young children, I don't know, maybe three year olds are more likely to punch someone if they see a movie with someone punching someone, I don't know enough about early childhood development etc. I will concede that if young children hear slurs, they will probably repeat those slurs.)

By the time someone is a teenager, and certainly when they're an adult, exposure to sex stuff in general or weird sex stuff is not going to be harmful if they have the ability to avoid it if it's too much for them. Plus a lot of times teens find a way to look at porn whether they are allowed to or not. The answer to degrading porn or porn where strangers fuck without condoms or whatever isn't making sure impressionable young people never see it. It's the same thing as the answer to Disney romances where the heroine marries the prince immediately after meeting him, you expose people to other narratives and other information. Safer sex information. Ideas about getting to know someone for a while before marrying them. Ideas about consent.

I personally have a grudge against It's Cold Outside, for personal reasons that I've gotten into previously, but I don't think people literally rape other people because of a song. If someone gets exposed to a lot of ideas about how it's normal for women to say they don't want sex when they do want sex, and/or ideas that women never want sex and it only ever happens by men tricking or forcing women into it, but also gets exposed to a lot of ideas about consent being important and sexual violence being harmful and direct communication and what women want out of sex when they do want it and what gives them reservations when they kinda want it but aren't sure -- chances are that person is going to end up OK.

Just like how, for instance, someone might get exposed to "Indians" in the most stereotypical way possible in stories like Peter Pan and horribly sanitized Thanksgiving stories, and grow up to support Land Back after getting exposed to enough other concepts. And lot of other people might not get quite to Land Back but will at least know better than to dress up as an "Indian" for Halloween. It's not about 100% avoiding the shitty ideas and the harmful stereotypes, it's having something to counter them.

I kinda liked older stories growing up, and a lot of the older stories had stereotypical gender stuff, with girls aspiring to be mothers over any professional ambitions and whatnot, and that was never really going to have that much of an effect on me because I lived in a world where all the mothers I knew also worked. And all the adults who asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up assumed I was going to work. It wasn't even necessarily a feminism thing, it was just how the world was. Houswives weren't real in an immediate way that was relevant to my life any more than kings and knights were.

And here is another concept. What is in your control, what is not in your control. What a stranger writes: not in your control. What you write, what you read, what you recommend: in your control. When it's professional media, what you spend money on directly or indirectly (paying for a streaming service and watching a show, checking out a book from a library) is in your control, what other people spend money on is not.

I do not have the power to stop everybody in the world from buying Harry Potter stuff. I just don't. So once I stop spending money on Harry Potter stuff myself, that's pretty much the end of the line for me as far as what I can reasonably do about JKR's horrible transmisogyny and whatever term you'll tolerate to describe when people descrive adult trans men as "girls" and argue that they shouldn't be able to decide what to do with their own bodies. I can talk about it with people who aren't already thoroughly saturated in understanding the problem. And that's it. That's all. Done. Trying to go harder is not going to do much. Sometimes it doesn't actually matter how substantial the problem is, there's still limits to what one person can reasonably do about it. And I hate that tumblr has a much stronger culture of tearing down the people we hate than lifting up the people we love.

[dr34myluv]

TW vent

before you start reading i dont wanna hear pity if u even decide to read, i just need to blow off steam.

sometimes i feel like a butterfly, so fragile my wings can break, but instead of wings i have a heart and a brain, and i cant stop crying, i mean last year was way worse yk? life felt like it was ending i resorted to sh, im better now right? im clean, i have an amazing bf, i basically get everything i could ever ask for, so whats wrong?

i dont know what's exactly wrong with me, i feel fat, i hate the way i look, but that's how most teenage girls feel huh? its normal. just like its normal for a father to walk out, destroy his child's life with just a few words. bc that's normal and nothing is gonna change a man's mind.

"normal" im your normal girl, everyone is normal, right?

i grew up in a household where i wasn't considered normal, i was treated like i was sick, and wrong, by my father, if u dont agree with him then ur the wrong one not him, ur opinions don't matter to him. he still thinks that way, which is fine yk? being gay? pffft thats horrid, like "boyish" things (which really aren't i wanst even a tomboy growing up but wtv) guess what, THATS WRONG.

its not really like that has affected me much, just my parents arguing, and my mom commenting on my body.

my parents fought so much it was overwhelming, it was never ending, my dad would threaten to kill himself and storm out of the house, id be screaming and crying begging him not to do anything, i guess as a child that really does affect someone, he left so much like that it created worry, he was my hero, he IS my hero, as much as i hate to admit it, i love him more than i should.

due to my father, i think thats the reason im so attached to this boy (my bf) ik that sounds stupid but i have a reason for this.

lets call him N, and N was someone i met in school, he is the total opposite of me, has a tendency of being an asshole to people, so why might i like this guy? well he gave me the right amount of attention at the wrong time.

school was hard 2 years ago, id cry almost everyday, and ig i was an acquaintance with him, one day he noticed me crying, during break, i was alone, he came up to me, and hugged me, it wasn't expected but it was definitely needed, he didn't say anything, he didn't ask anything, he just hugged me, let me cry in his arms, i guess we slowly became friends after that. at the time i liked him a bit, didnt care that much atleast i thought.

i had no way of contact to him, it was just school, and during the summer i still liked him, it was a new year of school, and i didn't see him, i thought hey maybe he's around here somewhere doing who knows what, i asked some friends if they've seen him, they said no. and at one point i asked one of his friends, and he moved, she said, and i felt my heart sink down to my feet, i could feel like eyes water, i couldn't control it. and ik it's stupid, but he promised me he would never leave me without saying goodbye (in a friendly way)

i dont want to explain more. But to whomever decided to read, im sorry for not finishing it.

#vent post #vent #tw vent #personal vent #vent tag #venting #sad thoughts #sadgirl

[scmewhereelse]

Hello I loveeee your prompts, is it too much to request something about what Joe saw in Zach that made him think he is perfect for Cammie? (Cause I believe the theory that he set them up) also, his feels throughout as their relationship progresses? Thanks a lot!

Not me starting to reply and then promptly forgetting it in my drafts for four months, remembering it and obsessing for five days *crying emoji* Than you so much, though, and here you go!!<3<3

Do you ever think that maybe Zach knew about the Circle’s interest in Cammie before Joe did? That his initial interest is spurred not only by Joe’s stories (Matthew Morgan’s daughter, Joe’s best friend’s daughter, a pavement artist: incredibly skilled and so much trouble), but by the name Cameron Morgan travelling from mouth to mouth; whispered in corners, days - weeks - before Zach ever meets her? *

I don’t think Joe set out to have their relationship (necessarily) become a romantic one. He cares about these kids more than anything else in the world, and if inflicting them upon one another can protect them in any way, he’ll do it. They each might just be what the other one needs. To hone their skills. To become better. To become something more than themselves, the sum of their parts.

Zach might have volunteered or Joe chose him to track Cammie that day in January, it doesn’t really matter. What matters is that they were always going to meet each other because Joe cannot afford for them not to. Two young, incredibly talented operatives-to-be, more than prepared to cut each other down to size. Cammie is talented and knows it but also trusts too much in her own infallibility while Zach is too sarcastic to know what’s good for him, keeping everybody at arms length.

Joe thinks their first meeting goes well enough, all things considered. Cammie’s pride is stung, but she’s caught Zach’s attention and kept it, which Joe counts an success in and of itself.

So Joe watches as Zach’s gaze follows Cammie in the school halls and how the emotion behind his eye changes as the semester passes by – suspicion, jealousy, curiosity, admiration, care – and knows he is onto something good. He’s not surprised Zach’s attention has latchet onto her, professionally or romantically. Zach deserves those normal teenage experiences Joe never had. He wants him to experience first love and first kisses, the feelings of vulnerability that comes with it and the soaring heights as well. Someone needs to keep this talented, disastrously lost boy out of the same shadows Joe himself got lost in. He will do everything in his power to drag Zach into the light, kicking and screaming, but someone needs to keep him there and if Cammie can do it, Joe’s all for it.

Joe isn’t exactly happy when he finds out Zach read Cammie’s report from the fall semester, earning him a conversation about how friendships require an equal exchange of information to build trust and how he could easily alienate Cammie without it.

Still, it keeps Cammie on her toes. Engaging with Zach – always a step ahead of her, knowing things she doesn’t – forces her to both recognise her own strengths and admit to her weaknesses. She needs to wield these things, to know them and control them. This, Joe knows, is what will keep her alive in the field and he’s not above using Zach to teach her.

The semester ends and looking at Zach, Joe realises there is no way back. He would not be able to untangle these two, even if he wanted to.

Then whispers about a Gallagher Girl start circulating where they shouldn’t. Joe must be more nervous than he realises, because Zach wheedles his way onto the job and Joe lets him. Rachel disapproves, arguing his age, his experience, his schooling. Still, Joe brings Zach with him to Boston and the rallies, realising Zach will do this with or without Joe’s blessing and there’s nothing Joe could do to stop him. At least this way Joe can keep an eye on Zach and he can in turn keep an eye on Cammie (who, by the way, is very determined not be kept an eye on, making all of this very difficult).

Zach and Joe only talk about Zach and Cammie once. It is too late to warn him off; Joe never wanted to do that. He knew what would likely happen when he introduced them, but he also knows just how difficult it is to love someone working in this profession. You might trust their skill, their instinct, but part of you will always worry for their safety. And Cammie already has her fathers recklessness and a target on her back bigger than the moon. - Joe might love her, but he loves Zach too. Zach, who has already been through so much, who deserves love, and care, and rest just at much as anybody else. No, Joe doesn’t warn him off. Instead he tells Zach to keep her safe, but keep himself safe as well. That he is not alone and never will be. That he is loved and always will be.

(The Circle comes for Cammie and it’s real, it’s real, it’s real. They didn’t get her this time, but what about the next time? and the time after that?)

A man reveals his past and Joe takes off, running from every letter-combination known to man, leaving Cammie’s safety in the hands of people he does not know. He doesn’t know if he has ever been this scared (except he does; he hasn’t), and he feels guilty beyond measure involving Zach. They will never let him see light of day again if they discover him working with Joe, but Zach has access to her. He has sources and incentives to keep her safe. So Joe allows it, relies on him and works with him, pushing the guilt to the back of his mind, because what other option is there?

The CIA gets him anyway and Joe wouldn’t have done anything different, because the alternative would have been so much worse. The Circle takes him and Joe wouldn’t have done anything different, because Zach and Cammie will find the journal, just as he need them to. The tombs explode, and if he was conscious he wouldn’t have done anything different because the two of them are alive. They will live to fight another day. Together.

Except Cammie disappears and Joe’s not there to learn just how well he taught her or just how much she takes after her father. He’s not there to warn Zach off from taking off after her or hug him when he returns, unsuccessful. He’s not there when Rachel cries by his bedside or when Cammie finally, finally returns, worse off than when she left. He does not see Zach’s trembling hands or hear in his voice the guilt eating him alive when he explains that Cam killed someone. She killed someone and Zach wasn’t there. He wasn’t where he should have been. He promised he’d protect her and he didn’t. (The same guilt will eat at Joe when Rachel finally tells him. He failed to be there when it counted. He failed Matthew. again. again. again- but more importantly: he failed to protect his daughter and Joe will never forgive himself for that.)

He wakes up and he forgives Zach for not protecting Cammie, for not finding her: there is nothing to forgive. This burden was never his to bear, even if it feels that way, even if he loves her. The fault does not lie with Zach, nor with anyone else but the people who took her. (Who tortured her.) He asks only that Zach stays with her for what comes next, knowing the redundancy of his question. The two of them are as inevitable as the push and pull of the tide, a force of nature too powerful to be influenced by the likes of Joe Solomon. He loves them more for it.

(What do you call those, who created gravity so that the sea might pull away from the shore and return again stronger? A god, perhaps. Or maybe just Joe Solomon.)

*he says in oot he hears about it in summer, nevermind

#gallagher girls #gg #ally carter #ya #prompt #im so sorry #I hope this was what you asked for #and thank you<3<3 for asking and for liking my prompts #aaaa #books #** #cameron morgan #zach goode #zammie

[drsteggy]

ZeLink Week day 7- Healing

One last fic

Thanks to my betas @presentstone @snidgetwidgeon @zeldaelmo and @zeldadiarist for trotting this out.

Read on AO3

*******

Link is trying so hard to reframe his emotions, but he isn’t sure he knows how to be a friend.

It's funny because it seems like friendship should just be one of those things you should be able to just do. He had friends when he was younger. He made some when he got to Castletown. But he got to a point where he seemed to be constantly on the move and shifting and too busy seeing new places and meeting new people and he didn’t realize that the old people needed to be maintained.

And now, when faced with intentionally making a friend, he has no idea how to do that.

He’s already in love with her anyway. And he really isn’t sure you can make a friend that way.

But he is trying because staying in her orbit is better than not. He tried not. It didn’t go well.

When he had first tried to think of the things he had done with past friends, none of them seemed appropriate to cultivating a relationship with a queen. He couldn’t ask her to go for a beer, or race horses, or play cards. In desperation, he’d suggested a walk in the rose garden.

She agreed. He supposed she was trying, too.

The first time they went for a walk had been torture. He didn't know what to say. He kept bumping into her. He was too warm and self conscious and if this never happened again it might be a relief.

But the next day she asked to go again.

And he almost got it. He was so close. He’d stopped bumping into her. He knew what to say more of the time. Every now and then, she’d lazily loop her arm around his and his heart would flutter and kick furiously.

He spent a lot of his nights afterwards thinking about that carefree touch, cataloging every change in motion and pressure. He reminded himself he was a grown man and not a love sick teenager, only to imagine her hand on his arm again.

And just when he was feeling comfortable with her, she told him a sweet story about her late husband and he had followed it up with one that he forgot had a bad ending.

He just blurted out about how his young romance ended when his father caught him. He didn’t tell her, exactly, what had happened to him, but she was smart and she knew.

He tried immediately to cover his shame with a joke. She didn’t bite. They didn’t talk on the way back to her office.

But.

She had told him he didn’t deserve it.

He’d thought about that a lot the past few days. No one had ever said that to him before. He had never thought about fault when he thought about growing up in his father’s home. He had just assumed he was the problem.

Maybe he had never been the problem.

She’s asked him to go for a walk again today. Maybe he didn’t completely screw it up after all.

As they approach the entrance to the rose garden, Zelda’s fingers slip to the inside of his elbow. He expects her to loop her arm around his as she’s done before. But today her fingers skate along the soft underside of his forearm and into his palm before she takes his hand in his.

He feels as though he has taken a kick to his chest for a moment. If Zelda notices, she gives no sign.

She has to step closer to him. He can feel her on his skin. Without turning her head, she whispers to him.

“Do you remember the story you told the other day? About first kisses?”

Ah yes, how could he forget? His cheeks heat and all the pleasant anticipation that he has built crashes around him. He is suddenly that fourteen year old boy watching his father unexpectedly come behind the barn to find him sitting with a girl named Malon as they watch the fireflies come out.

Link! What are you doing with that girl?

He gulps and swallows hard.

“I’m sorry. We don’t have to talk about it.” She gives his hand a squeeze.

He closes his eyes, forcing his way through the myriad of emotions in him. He does not want to get stuck in his head. No one has ever followed up with him before, when he’s tried to talk about the family he left in Hateno.

He wants to push past it. “It’s okay.”

“Are you sure?”

He nods, staying on top of the currents in his head, hoping there’s no undertow.

She doesn’t say anything further, but leads him through the garden, stopping once in a while to admire a particularly showy blossom. She runs her thumb over his once in a while, the touch keeping him anchored. She brings him to the koi pond, to the same marble bench where they had traded stories about kisses.

He takes a seat next to her, his hand still in hers. She turns slightly to face him, and takes his hand in both of hers.

“Link.” Her voice is soft and gentle. “Please look at me.”

He does as she asks, meeting her eyes straight on. There is no pity there, only warmth. She smiles at him. It is like dawn breaking, golden and welcoming.

“I care a great deal about you.” She offers. “You’re a good person. You deserve good things.”

He abruptly breaks her gaze, swinging his head to away and takes a deep, shaky breath. Maybe he isn’t ready for this.

Her thumb circles the inside of his wrist, light but certain. “I don’t know why your father does not see that in you. Maybe he simply can’t. You didn’t do anything to deserve that.”

He isn’t sure what his father does or doesn’t see in him. He isn’t sure what she sees in him either, but he wants to believe her.

“Please look at me.” The way she says it is a request, not a demand.

Then she waits for him.

When he finally turns to face her again, she is still steady and calm. He wants to drop her hands so he can cup her face and kiss her right here in the garden, in front of the koi and whatever courtiers might see. But he is still trying to be friends and friends don’t kiss each other, at least not the way he wants to, so he settles for taking her hands in both of his and squeezing tightly.

“You said that the other day. I didn’t deserve it.” He wonders if she hears the shake in his voice.

“I never thought about it that way. I think…” He inhales deeply. “I think you’re right. I didn’t deserve it.”

He leans forward, achingly close to her face, to her lips. Her eyes don’t waver and she doesn’t lean back.

“I don’t know why I thought I did,” he says huskily. “I guess I just assumed.”

He drops his gaze to her mouth. Her lips are pink and perfect. They look soft. When he drags his focus back to her eyes, something has shifted in them.

“You don’t deserve to be thrown away.” Her tone is low and soothing.

She moves closer to him. Link’s heart thunders. But she ends up resting her cheek against his. He lets his eyelids flutter closed and draws a deep breath. Her perfume is intoxicating, the lilac overpowering the roses. He exhales a huge, shuddering breath as she whispers to him.

“You matter. I am glad you are here.”

And then she’s gone.

He opens his eyes. She still holds his hands, almost primly in her lap, but her back is straight, her demeanor courtly, her expression unreadable. He wonders if he should just kiss her anyway.

“We are going to be missed,” she says, as though nothing has happened. “We should go.”

He has waited too long and missed his opportunity. “Thank you, Your Majesty. You’ve made me think.”

“Zelda. Call me Zelda.”

“Thank you. Zelda.”

#zelink week 2022 #zelink #legend of zelda #fanfiction #legend of zelda fanfiction #uneasy lies the chosen of farore #fanfic #fanfic writing #my fic

[0coldphantom0]

Encased between two blades: Chapter 2-Cloud nine

Sure has been a while since the previous chapter, i hope the length of this one makes up for the wait^^.

MDNI.

You are pulled awake from the null state of nothing.

The setting shifts with the position of your head in a sideways -almost uncomfortable angle.The room you find yourself in is stark white and drab, in the middle ,the mattress you lay on bounded with rope.

This isn’t good, no matter how you look at this, your awareness cant help but pin fault for being so impartial in the past.You always had this inkling feeling you were in harms way, yet you ignored it.With a sluggish motion, you twist your head and curl forward, attempting to move the hair out of your face and begin replaying the series of unfortunate events leading to now .You’ve been plucked away from the comfort of your life by a man in your team for lord knows what perverse reasoning and promptly stuck inside a room in the middle of bum fuck knows where.Your dear guardian rudely turned into ice by that man so fast you couldn’t comprehend its severity enough to react.Such moment too freshly painful to accept as fact. Even now In this moment of absolute shock, you ponder about how playing dumb was a really Fucking stupid idea; maybe you should’ve been a bit more abrasive.And just maybe by simply telling Ghiaccio to get bent when you had the chance, you would’ve ended with a smidge of frost bite and a handful of slurs jabbed your way to end the ordeal. But no-Instead you’re here, without free will and without your beloved Angelo. Isn’t this great.

To add salt to injury, no time is spared to make peace with this heartbreaking realisation, nor to accept your ill faith .Rather, you lock eyes with a visage so unlike the man before you, you’d think you’re looking at one of those funhouse mirrors Illuso placed down the hall once to fuck with the crew.

But nope, its real, he, the man the rat, the bastard: Ghiaccio, is chilling by the windowsill, loop-sided grin and all that jazz staring out the window in a dreamy manner whilst outside pours with rain. He’s so far gone in la la land that the curly haired man before you resembles the scenery found inside these romance mangas a teenager would read, comically surrounded by sparkles and roses as if him watching droplets fall down the glass is the most amorous mirage a puberty-ridden girl could ever envision before dramatically swooning and squealing like a pig.

Its not the exact reaction for your less than enthused predicament however.He actually looks the opposite to you ;uncanny, albeit if you didn’t know him, and weren’t currently held hostage-you might come to appreciate his boyish charm.But in this moment the only charm acceptable would be the kind to vamoose you away back to the safety of your home, if not better the airport so you can get the hell out of Italy, preferably first class seats for you and your defrosted guardian.Not whatever the hell he’s trying to prompt out of you by slowly tracing lines down the windows and blinking slowly in a lovesick manner.For someone who regards themselves as well read, in this moment Ghiaccio falls nothing but under the term “cliche “.

Suddenly you get stopped dead in the track of your thoughts by his attention turning to you, this time a gleaming stroke of light rounds his eyes, showing his smugness regarding this whole ordeal without need for words.You however try your best to hold onto the poker face, no matter his sentiment he cannot know he’s won. You’ve been a witness in the past to the power trip Ghiaccio gets once his apparent win against another falls clear, and its quite scary.He probably wont kill you like he did to those less fortunate per se, but you still internally tremor knowing a man like him so love starved is far worse in an emotional battle than a physical one .Even as he struts towards you, grabbing the closest limb he can reach, threatening to spill open the seams of your clothes with his gentle masked touch your expression falls unfazed.

“About time you decided to wake up, i was starting to get bored with you lying there dormant like a fucking corpse.” He’s now hovering over your form, one hand crawling up your leg, its fingers cold.Clearly he’s tugging on your chain for a reaction, but you know not to give him the pleasure of seeing you seethe.

“Do they know?” You speak.He hums, pressing you to elaborate.

“Do they know you’re holding me hostage?”

“Forget about those fuckers, they ain’t shit” he growls

“Out of everyone I didn’t expect you to go rogue against the squad and imprison their healer, perhaps Lulu, but never you Ghiaccio - you’re far too uptight to be an anarchist.” You muse.This gets you nothing but a halt to his wondering hand.His eyes albeit stuck on your form are seemingly elsewhere in search for something to snap back with to your comment.His face scrunches up indicating your comment is displeasing big time.

Before he gets a chance tough, you lift you head.

“Why are you doing this?”

A pause, followed by another.You dare try to repeat yourself but he gets to you first, grabbing onto the front of your shirt, scrunching it in his fist to pull you upright.Closer than before, he practically engulfs your body with his.His hand continues its tight grip on you, forcing a jolt.The remains of his patience clearly diminishing at your plain play of ignorance.

“ Lulu? Since when did you get chummy with that fucker?” Its more of a question to himself.You notice his demeanour worsening at the pet-name, but he snaps back to you pissed.He continues:

“You know damn well why.Cut this bullshit , this shitty little act of yours is getting on my nerves.” His knuckles remain strained briefly before he lets go. You fall with a thud.

Ok so that interaction is a startup. A shit start up at best but you never had been in this position to know what question to ask your captor, especially one with such short fuse as his. Ghiaccio begins pacing about, still hung up on the interaction you had and probably fixating on every linguistic of it.You maintain your gaze on him, at the same time your hands make an attempt to figure out how to get the rope loose.If only your guardian was here- there was a tell tale assumption he was still frozen solid somewhere near, but where?

Ghiaccio kicks into the side of the doorway.

“FUCKING ILLUSO, WHAT THE FUCK DOES HE GET OUT OF YOU TO GET CALLED LULU.THATS SUCH A STUPID NICKNAME IT DOESN’T EVEN MAKE SENSE!!! FUCKING BASTARD!”

Oh.

Well this is concerning, you didn’t take Ghiaccio for the jealous archetype thought now thinking about it, it does make sense given all the bragging he does about himself.This reaction is a bit over the top for your liking, so you twist against the rope some more.You cant say when the nicknaming for your crew sprouted but you sure as hell wont give an explanation, he’s far too gone in his tangent for that.

Finally your persistent tugging let loose one of the knots, the rope giving leeway enough for you to reach behind you for your pocket knife.Never did you consider yourself a thug, but the small safety the little weapon brought you made you less concerned whenever you were sent out during the night for a mission.Now you suppose it holds more than just safety- hope maybe? Hope it’ll get you out of this place and away from mr four eyed menace.

That hope is what fuels you to get up and make a wild-dash.You timed it so he’d be turned away when you leaped up from the mattress. But something was off. As you were running, not only did you notice the lack of furniture to this place, you also noticed a lack of noise coming from your counterpart. No curses, nor …movement.

You turn down the corridor trying to map out an exist.Initially you wanted to block his way from getting to you before you got to the door but theres nothing around to aid with it. Whats worse, you decided to turn around and notice him behind you standing in the door-frame, only he’s casually walking towards you???

Finally you reach the ensemble of the room connected to the door out. This time you’re met with a harsher temperature than the previous room, and there before you is why. Ghiaccio froze the door shut.

You attempt hitting the ice off the frame so the damn knob will be accessible to you; problem is he gets to you before your second hit lands, grabbing by the back of your head too.

He’s got you good and wont let go, his hand back to a fist threatening to scalp you. The look he gives you is full of malice.

“You can be really stupid sometimes. When will it go through your skull that you’re not going no where??? Do you think I’d be stupid enough to not lock the fucking door??? Who do you think I am, Pesci?!”

“Let go” You shout.

“You’re in no position to tell me what to do” he warns.

“I don’t want to be here!”you try to reach him with your knife.

“WELL TOUGH!!” Ghiaccio shoves you to the floor with unforgiving force, the process knocking the air out of your lungs and hurting your neck and head. The brute rolls you over, holding you down to tie your hands behind your back.His grip on your wrist threatens to snap it, so you drop the knife defeated.

He scowls some more when a strained noise escapes you. The grip on your arms hurting too much for you to feign ignorance.

“Save me the fucking whining will ya, you had your chance for me to be nice to you before you decided to fucking ignore me.” He double knots and tugs the rope for safe measure.

“This is payback. All that flaunting around anyone giving you attention, those depraved motherfuckers had it too good for too long. Now you’re gonna give back all the time you made me waste.” Theres a pause, Ghiaccio lowers to the left of your neck, smothering with a rough kiss before inhaling your scent. “All the times you tried to avoid me, you thought i didn’t see the way you’d hide whenever I was near? I knew you did it on purpose.You owe me big time y/n.”

He’s got some nerve calling others depraved when he’s mounting you tied on the floor. Most importantly, you don’t owe him shit.

“Its not my fault you cant take rejection Ghia” the last part of the sentence is endearingly spiteful, at which he scoffs.

“As if I’d let you do that. You seriously need to acknowledge your situation, I don’t wanna have to constantly repeat myself, it’s fucking annoying”

Getting up he grabs and flings you over his shoulder with little effort.”You cant fool me with this shitty attempt of escape, its pathetic.” You’re back on the mattress in record time. Ghiaccio departs briefly to grab something.

“Risotto wont be happy when he realises what you’ve done.He’ll come for you” your warning seems to fall flat.

“I told you to forget about the squad.” He returns with a roll of tape, his hand back to your calves.

“Nobody is coming to get you, you think I don’t plan stuff in advance? This isn’t some scum I gotta off, I meant it when i said you owe me.” In this moment his arrogance returns.

Your legs now also bound, a pang of fear crawls within you, making you hyper aware of how vulnerable you are for him.He wouldn’t …. Would he?? Theres an uncertainty in the moment, his sudden decision to do this to you in your mind concludes he’s not above trying to have his way with you as well.

“In time you’ll thank me for doing this” he mutters, that hand is back up your leg again, slower this time with his caressing.He must be fucking joking.

“You’re insane, you have to be to think I’d thank you for this, all of this!” The facade of indifference begins to crack, how can someone be so egotistic??! His smile only vexes you more and it finally makes to show of you true state.

“You must be getting off so much right know, you forgot kidnapping is not normalcy you degenerate fuck! LET ME GO !”Its you who’s shouting this time.

“Im the one forgetting things now? Maybe I hit you too hard before bringing you here” he muses.

Now you want to bite him. The lion the witch and the audacity of this fucking bitch.Your bound hands almost mirror the intensity his had when he grabbed you earlier .

“You’re mad aren’t you” he crouches to murmur in your ear.

“Go on, try and hit me, better yet why don’t you get your stand to do that? You sure liked to make a show of that thing materialising from thin air.” The glare you throw his way could corrode metal.

“Is my ice too much for you to handle y/n?”

“Fuck you.”

His fingers now tilt you head by the chin.How much you’d give to see them snap in half.

“Or could it be you like the cold, small lamb ?”

.

.

.

Lamb???

The nickname abruptly hollows your brain empty. Your features go slack and Ghiaccio picks up on it with vigour.The rage shifts into dread, flashes of distress bloom in your view.Theres a loud ringing now present in your ears too, has it always been there???

“Its been a while since someone called you that huh.”

His choice of wording don’t feel familiar – its way too purposeful to be part of his dialect. You’ve never heard him call you that- ever . Not even once.None of the Squadra did.Why would he call you that of all things? Does he know about-

You feel dizzy; your mind cant comprehend the weight that nickname puts on you. The room grows dimmer and Ghiaccio is staring you down with satisfaction as you succumb in terror.The sick fuck.

The sound of rain outside slowly fades, with it so do you once more.

He hums, lowering your face back to the cushion of the mattress. In your knocked out state, you’re unaware of the cold kiss he presses to the crown of your head. Ghiaccio cant help but return back to the loop-sided grin, only this time he followed the pattern of your breathing dreamingly rather than the drops on the window.

#jjba ghiaccio #jjba x reader #ghiacco #ghiaccio x reader #jjba part 5 #jojo's bizarre adventure #jjba #la squadra #ghiaccio #yandere ghiaccio x reader #yandere ghiaccio #encased between two blades

[believerindaydreams]

Me: I wanna read a five times things didn't happen fic staring my fave poly of the week

Me: however it looks like I'll have to write it myself

Me: fortunately this is not an insurmountable problem

1. exile

"You don't have to do this," Sarah pleads. The Doctor smiles at her, maybe for the last time.

"A tear, Sarah Jane? Don't cry-"

Harry catches the Doctor as he collapses, gently lays him out on the hospital gurney. Not for long- within seconds someone else is wearing that old velvet jacket, madly punching coordinates into the TARDIS console.

"Come on, old girl, come on- before the Time Lords stop us-"

Harry's eyes widen as the time ship starts a cry like tortured piano strings. "I say, I didn't know it would sound like that."

Neither had Sarah. But she takes his hand and smiles reassuringly anyway.

2. according to plan

"So this is the moon."

"Exactly."

"I think- if you don't mind very much- I'd like to go back to UNIT now."

"What, already?"

"I think you've made your point," Sarah Jane intercedes, with a little pity for Harry. Some people just don't have any sense of adventure.

3. time war

Time on Skaro is slippery, like chunks of ice that merge and freeze and calve.

They've blown up the incubator room a dozen times, and died far more than that. Sometimes they're helping the Thals, sometimes the Kaleds. Harry's developed a limp that starts before the land mine that triggers it. The Doctor keeps regenerating into himself, tells them how the timeline convergences are so thick he might as well be blind.

Sarah sets her teeth as she loads a grenade rifle. Enough dilly-dallying.

This time around she's going to kill Davros. Or at least make one hell of a bang.

4. alternates

"Before we go anywhere," Sarah Jane says. "You should know that I'm a Zygon and prepared to kill you."

"Oh," says Harry. "Well. So am I for that matter."

"That makes three of us," the Doctor says, twiddling a TARDIS control. "We really ought to have coordinated copying a bit better to stop us all accidentally stabbing each other."

There's a pause.

"Are we still doing that whole larking about in space and time, then?" Duplicate-Harry ventures.

"Before our originals catch up with us," Duplicate-Doctor says, setting the ship in motion.

Duplicate-Sarah can think of a dozen reasons at least why this is a terrible idea.

But they're going to have a fine old time doing it anyway.

5. pause

"What if you just stayed on Earth a bit longer?" Harry suggests.

For a while it works. Sarah finally hands some articles in to her editor and helps out at UNIT between times. Harry settles into his role as medic for human and non-human alike, with a skill belaying his off-duty clumsiness. The Doctor starts taking a more active role in UNIT operations- an investigation into a lost pilot here, leading the charge against killer plants there- in a way the reserved scientist of his previous incarnation would never have credited.

(They make love on the bare boards of the Doctor's laboratory, in Harry's bachelor pad, in Sarah's rented room, and it's too satisfying ever to feel wrong.)

Until the day the Doctor gets a summons to Gallifrey; and his look of utter relief tells Sarah he's not ever coming back.

6. end

"Ow," the Doctor says.

"Falling off a radio telescope at your age," Harry says indignantly. "It's a jolly good thing I was here to patch you up, you know that?"

Sarah rushes over. "The Brigadier has the Master in custody. Everything's all right, the Pharos project is safe- Doctor, how are you?"

"Slightly dazed. As if somebody with astoundingly capable hypnosis abilities had been doing his very best to convince me it was my time to go. You know, what would I do without you two?"

Sarah clucks her tongue. "Just as well, probably. Come on. We've got this whole rabble of teenagers to take home..."

#wow those sure turned out incredibly violent #will have to remember to tag on a03 #doctor who

[skinnidreamss]

Fuck tumblr

I've been scrolling through this blog for the past 2 hours. I don't even know how to feel. I guess the word "nauseous" would come to mind first. Ana tumblr has taken my fucking childhood from me and I gave it away happily.

I was fucking warned and I didn't listen. I would do anything to be able to stop my 13 year old self from ever discovering this place. I wish I could tell her that she really wasn't that fat, but the adults around her were trying to live through her and feeding her lies about how "dangerous" her very much healthy BMI was. I was just chubby. I was just a kid. I trusted everyone around me because they were adults and they were supposed to know everything, but it turns out that they were even more clueless than me.

I guess maybe when I found out that ED Tumblr, a place that is literally based on toxicity shared a few of the beliefs that these people would tell me, I should've been a bit concerned. But I wasn't. And I just fell into this rabbit hole that I don't think I will ever get out of. The things you learn here follow you forever. I can be happy and having a good day, eating something and the part of my brain that developed under the influence of this hell will remind me of some idiotic quote I read in a pretty font at 14. "once on the lips, forever on the hips", or some shit like that. And just like that, my day is ruined.

The truth is, I haven't been on here for a full year. My last post is from february 3rd 2023. It's february 6th 2024 now. I've been trying to heal, sort of. About 6 months ago, I started losing weight in a healthy(?) way. I think. I can't even tell at this point. After all these years, it's impossible to think about weight loss without triggering some horrible memories and starting some old habits again. I've had some close calls, but I haven't relapsed. I haven't starved myself the way I used to in a year. It's getting better.

I logged in today thinking I might delete this account once and for all. I decided to scroll through it and to my horror, I realized that I have repressed a lot of memories about my eating disorder. I had forgotten very big parts of my life and what my diets used to look like. I don't even know how to react and I don't have anyone to talk to about it. It's stuff that was happening a year and a half ago. One of the things I regret a lot is not journaling throughout my teenage years. But this blog has a ton of journal entries that reminded me of stuff my brain tried to erase. Like, for example. MY FUCKING THERAPIST TOLD ME THAT IF I TRULY WANTED TO LOSE WEIGHT, I WOULD???? WHat the actual fuck??????? I remember being very hurt about that and thinking about it a lot for a while, before getting back on tumblr and finding some crazy diet to do, after a while of actually doing better. If I hadn't found the post I made about it at the time, I would've probably forgotten about it forever. And there's probably so much shit that I will never remember again. The crazy thing is that although I had pretty much forgotten all of the things I wrote on here, they still hurt me somehow.

I am just so fucking angry at everything and anyone. I hate tumblr and everything about ed tumblr. My brain feels rotten from all the shit I learned here. I am getting better, but I've been having a shitty day so I guess I needed someplace to rant. I am angry at the complete lack of attention that everyone in my life gave me when it came to my diet. I used to be scared that they would find out and try to stop me from starving myself. But I slowly realized that I could show as many signs of an unhealthy diet as I wanted. Nobody ever noticed, or if they did, they just didn't give a shit. I was doing stuff that if a skinnier girl did, it would've raised a million red flags to everyone. But because I was fat, I guess it was fine.

I'm not gonna get into any more of my trauma anymore because if I start, I might just never stop writing.

I'll be 19 in two months. Everyone else I know has discovered themselves, bettered themselves, found friends and even love. All I've discovered in the past 6 years is how to lose and gain back the same 10 kg over and over and over again in the most disgusting and painful ways.

But whatever.

Life goes on. I owe it to my younger self to get better. I truly believe it's possible to do this in a healthy way. I will keep trying to be better and hopefully the anger will fade away in time and I will finally be able to heal from all of this. Someday.

[azuraghost]

The High Priestess - Just Your Average Teenage Oracle

"Hey Kanzaki, a few of us are heading to that new café after class, did you wanna come with us?" Ever since meeting her in their first year of junior high, Hiyori Nakamura, a bubbly outgoing student at Sapporo High School, had always made an effort to make her classmate feel involved whenever she and her friends hung out. However, despite her efforts to get to know her classmate better, Kanzaki Tsukino has never accepted or reciprocated the gesture; always going straight home after school ends for the day. 

        Tsukino looked up from her school bag at the girl whose pigtails bounced as she shifted her weight from side to side, "Sorry Nakamura, I have to head straight home to help my mother with some housecleaning, maybe next time though." She said as she stood up, placing her bag on her shoulder, and pushing her long hair away from her face. Hiyori sighs as she watches as Tsukino starts to briskly walk away. 

        "That's what you always say though."

        "I even mean it this time." Tsukino replied half-heartedly. "But I really do have to go." she then swiftly headed out of the school to catch the bus home. 'I only have twenty minutes to get home before my first reading today, if I'm late again mom will kill me,' she thought to herself, a shiver going down her spine as she sat on the bus. 'Not that it really matters, my readings are bullshit anyways.' Resting her head against the glass, Tsukino watched the scenery pass by. After staring listlessly for a while, she sees an all too familiar sight. A curse, and a nasty one by the look of it. In her family, the only ones that could see them were her and her mother. 'Mom always said to pretend I can't see them -- that I would only get hurt if I tried to do anything; as if she knows anything about fighting curses.'

         Kanzaki Tsukino had been first member of her family in about one hundred years to have been born with a cursed technique. The Kanzaki clan were once a family of powerful sorcerers, but after so many years of no new curse users being born, they fell out of favor with both the sorcery world, and the general public. Nowadays, the defunct clan has been reduced to a bunch of con artists selling bogus tarot readings to the public, Tsukino being their major money maker, due to her ability. 

        The young girl had been "blessed" with a technique centered around divination; having the ability to summon tarot cards using cursed energy, with each card having its own effect. Her mother always called it a blessing at least, saying that this was the dawn of a new era for their family -- chance to rise up from the ashes of its past. Kanzaki however, felt that her technique was nothing more than a burden, causing her to work tirelessly at her mother's behest. The worst part being that her mother told her that she should only ever use her technique to benefit her family, and that she was often strict about enforcing that rule. 

        Just as she was about to look away from the gnarly curse, she noticed a small child being cornered by it. For a moment she hesitated, thinking of what punishment might be in store for her if her mother were to find out that she had used her technique, without her say-so, but ultimately decided that she could not pretend that she had seen nothing. Calling for the bus to stop, she rushed off and back toward the curse she had seen, running as fast as her legs could carry her. 

        'I made it in time' she thought, huffing to catch her breath. Composing herself for a fight she observed her opponent. The curse was about ten feet long and had the body of a centipede with a tough greyish blue outer shell and a pink fleshy underside, but its legs looked more like a human's arms that of a bug's. Its eyes were a veiny red and practically bulging out of its head. She then turned her head to address the young boy being cornered by the serpentine bug, trying her best to sound reassuring. "Hey it's gonna be ok, I'll get rid of this creepy-crawly."

        Taking a deep breath in, Tsukino reached her hand into the left sleeve of her school jacket, pulling out a single card, flipping it over to see if luck was at all on her side. "Sweet! Strength is one of my favorites!" She cheered briefly to herself before getting into a fighting stance as she felt a pair of weighty silver gauntlets materialize over her clenched fists. Her muscles tensing, already felt immensely stronger. Cracking her neck as she rolled her shoulders in anticipation of the incoming fight, she lets out a sharp whistle to divert the curses attention to her, quickly dashing toward its bulbous head. As she approached the disturbing monster, one of its arms began to reach out as if attempting to strangle her. Tsukino delivered a swift punch to the offending limb, hearing a crunch upon impact as the arm bent backward and the centipede-like curse was taken off balance. She smiled gleefully as she then grabbed hold of the its antennae and began to swing the buggy curse around in circles, finally releasing it and launching into the nearby wall. She could hear a series of frantic clicks as she approached the curse's fleshy underbelly, watching uncaringly as its many limbs flailed around trying to turn itself upright. She looks down at the curse, finishing it off with a punch that nearly goes through the creature, her jacket being stained with blood of the curse that's now withering away. 

        "Are you okay, miss?" The young boy asked while running up to older girl as she dismissed her technique. 

        "I'm alright! Do you know where your parents are?" Tsukino responded with a light smile, still feeling the rush from her fight.

        "I'm not sure, we got separated and then that monster showed up." He responded, tears welling up in his eyes.        

        "That's okay. I'll help you look for them, alright?" the boy nodded in response and reached out to take the girls hand. 'I'm toast, there's no way she wont notice the blood on my jacket.' She thought to herself worriedly as she led the crying kid back toward the street.

        "Akira! Akira where did you go!" Shrieked an older woman, running toward the duo. Rushing over to her son she began to turn him from side to side making sure he had not been hurt.

        "Don't worry mama, the pretty blond lady helped me!" Akira exclaimed, while pulling his savior forward. 

        "It was nothing really, I just saw him all alone while passing by and walked with him until you found us." Tsukino replied, winking at Akira with her hands behand her back to hid her bloodied sleeve. "I do have to get going, though." She quickly added, running off before the woman could say anything, completely unaware of the eyes following her every movement. 

        "You're late." A cold voice sounded out, as Tsukino stepped into the house. An older woman with sunken cheeks and greying hair glared harshly at the girl from across the room. "Do you even care about the reputation of this family?"

        "Of course I do mother! I'm sorry I was late, I was helping a lost boy find his mom and I lost track of time." She responded, desperate for the matriarch to believe her fib. Unfortunately, it was all for naught as her mother strode toward her with quick, long steps, grabbing her stained sleeve in a tight, boney grip.

        "Do not lie to me, you foolish girl!" Her mother snarled, shaking her youngest child's wrist back and forth aggressively. "You fought a curse, didn't you?" Tsukino only nodded in response, knowing that at times like this silence was her best option. "We will discuss this later tonight, you have a customer." With that, her arm was released and she quickly headed upstairs to change into her tarot reading costume. 

        Tsukino entered the reception room in a white dress with layers of varying lengths and a black lacy veil covering her eyes. "Hello again, Miss Tanaka. I sincerely apologize for my tardiness. I do hope you have been well since our last meeting." She greets with her head lowered in a show of false humility. 

        "It's alright dearie. I was hoping that you could do a reading regarding my daughter, she recently moved away for college and I am just so worried about her," responded the elderly woman. She had been coming to see the young girl for her fraudulent readings every month for the past three years. 

"Of course I can, Miss." She responded with a saccharine smile, sitting down and pulling out a box containing a deck of tarot cards. "Shall we begin?"

#jjk #gojo satoru #geto suguru #jujustu kaisen #romance #The High Priestess

[faustocosgrove]

and on the nineth day of reviewmas I, Fausto, give to thee:

9 instances this show reminded me of a better show

an 80s cult movie

7 lgbt main characters in an incredibly queer manga like holy shit

6 ye olde government agents

5/5 stars best movie of the decade easily. might be the best movie of all time

4 scantily clad teenaged girls (fbi open up! meme)

the 3rd time i read the same book about lawns maybe?

2 high school animes

and a ninja book

…from a guy who still thinks about the naruto series in the year 2024

In today’s episode of Fausto! Reviews! Things! we have a ye olde anime featuring an older than he looks long silver haired yellow slit eyed man with a magic sword who is half demon and half human and his two love interests, the older mature one and the younger one who is super jealous of the older mature one. There’s also a villain whose face is covered in bandages who has a co dependent relationship with the only human who takes care of them, who is a pretty girl who dies. Not sure which anime I’m talking about? I’ll give you a hint: It predates the Inuyasha manga by 3 years.

That’s right! I’m talking about Nightwalker! the first anime based off an eroge! and I in no way shape or form meant that little joke to imply that Inuyasha was ripping off this piece of trash, I just couldn’t fucking watch the moody silver haired guy brood about being half demon without thinking of Inuyasha.

This show is so bad, but it’s bad in like a fascinating way? Like the opening song is objectively bad and not fun to listen to but i watch it every time because the 90s animation is just so 90s that i can’t look away. The pacing is out of control bad because it was only supposed to be a 2-3 episode OVA but then people liked it and they made a bunch of money and churned out more episodes. So you get the big bad fight first then it’s just a lot of monster of the week shit. The Inuyasha clone is arguably bisexual, but he might just be homosexual because it’s shown that he had a relationship with a guy but now he makes all kinds of dirty jokes about women and presumably since this was a eroge he’s the guy doing the fucking (the wiki doesn’t say) but he was also clearly the bottom for his ex boyfriend so i mean… if he was also a capture target in the original game i wouldn’t be that surprised. kinda glad he doesn’t get with any of the girls in the anime, since of the three one is a teenager and another is a pixie. (i wrote this section before i finished the show RIP)

also episode 8 is like, literally the worst thing i’ve ever seen. so there’s a grandpa and a mom and 2 kids. the mom and 2 kids kill grandpa, then leave his fresh corpse in the car while they all go get dinner. and like that…. that’s it. that’s the worst thing i’ve ever seen. and like, i know what’s going on mechanically in the story that requires this to happen to move the plot along. but jesus fucking christ. they’re all so nonchalant about it too. it’s not even like gross or horrifying it’s just so over the top. i stopped the episode in the leaving the corpse in the parking lot of the restaurant to go get dinner scene and it took me weeks to come back to the series.

and then the next episode is like a prequel showing how the inuyasha clone and the pixie met and they go on a monster of the week adventure. except at the very last second it’s revealed that this is also the origin story of the cop lady. and like, i had taken so much of a break to get through episode 8 that i had forgotten what one of the main characters looks like and what her name was. so what a normal viewer would have known was that it’s an origin story the whole way through but to me it was a big reveal.

and then this show did it to me again in episode 10, where half the episode is a flashback but it’s not super clear that’s what’s going on. so half the time the gang is in tokyo, then next scene inuyasha clone has fucked off to the woods fighting another monster but his ex boyfriend who was killed in episode 3 is there? so i thought yeesh thought we killed this fucker already. then it’s more clear that that all was a flash back and it’s like whew okay so he is dead. then the teenager is all huffy about the inuyasha clone having had an ex girlfriend (he didn’t, this is just a misunderstanding) as if killing his ex boyfriend wasn’t what y’all did in episode 3. so she’s only jealous of girlfriends and not boy friends? okay. weird flex but okay. this fucking show GOD.

the worst part is, they couldn’t have just called the monsters “demons” or “yokai”. no. they’re called night breeds. but 90% of the time it’s shortened to “breeds” or “a breed” or mainly inuyasha clone groans “it’s a breed” as if his day is runied by finding the thing that the japanese government is paying him to kill. everytime inuyahsa clone says breed take a shot. would be a fun drinking game if the show wasn’t so bad that it were possible to tolerate watching more than only one episode at a time.

the last episode is so bad. i was screaming “that’s what you’re fucking doing?” and shit like that. but like, at the writers. it was a rushed ending with too much shit crammed into it, and i’m so disgusted by the ending but i’m not going to spoil it because if you actual watch this shit show and make it through episode 8 you’ll be battle hardened enough to handle episode 12. barely, maybe, i think.

also there’s teenager titties in like, episode 3. what’s with the ye olde animes and teenager titties? i mean i get this is based off an eroge and skipping the tits would have been weirder but like, the pixie is naked 24/7. like, why couldn’t we get to see the cop lady’s tits instead? why japan, why is it always the teenagers? can’t we milf fuckers get some fan service once in a while???

#fausto reviews things #nightwalker #nightwalker: the midnight detective

[aflowergarden]

@the-black-lake

Guess who did a little stupid and read all of the lore for this stupid little lake on break at work!! Fair warning that this story is hastily written within like an hour with very little prior thought on my way home from said job so!! Uh!! It's probably bad!!

(cw for family death, mild suicidal stuff? Also for ooo oopy lake....)

Little things for context about the narrator's life and the story in general! Because it wouldn't make sense to have expedition for these characters?

This is written from the perspective of a 17-year-old girl writing in her journal, who recently moved into this town, I didn't very much convey it in the story, but her mother and father lived in this town when they were younger. They've been here for a few months at most.

Liv is a one-off character mentioned, probably supposed to be a friend/coworker?

Vee is the kind of love interest but it's not a plot point !!

Eden is the narrators deceased little sister. It's never mentioned what happened to her, but it is implied she died at a young age. It's not specified how she died but I had a few ideas in mind that might be conveyed in the story

Also! At some point it will be kind of obvious how long is in between the journal entries, But I intend for it to be read as if the main character writes about four to five a day, But most of those aren't plot relevant, so I didn't bother writing 20,000 words of teenage drama and stuff even though that would be fun

Lastly uhh!! I probably got some of the lore wrong! There's a few big things I'm worried about being unrealistic to this lake character entity but most of it could be written off as the narrator having a bias for something or another.

Without further ado!

Entry no. 61

mom has been talking about this lake on the edge of town. Pretty sure she's dramatizing it like she does with well, everything, but it's kind of interesting. Apparently it can? Eat you? Unless you give it food? Sounds crazy imo

Entry no.67

I talked to liv about it. Apparently it's actually kind of an urban legend around these parts. Weird.

Entry no.75

Me and vee are thinking about going down to check out the lake. I don't know. It seems fun. I'll admit I'm a little bit nervous after hearing more about it? But it seems too interesting to pass up this chance at having an actual supernatural adventure! Given it probably won't end up with anything fun, But who knows?

Entry no.77

We're going! We both have Thursday free so we're going to get all dressed up and make a day out of it. Even if it won't lead to anything, it's kind of exciting? You would never get to do anything like this living in New York. Don't get me wrong, I kind of miss home, but it was all flashing lights and there's so much stuff here that you would never get to see. I don't think I'll ever stop missing it, but being able to see the stars at night and being able to go on adventures like this is just. It's like I was sucked into a cartoon when I moved here!

I'm going to regret it and want to go back to the city no matter what, So I'm just kind of glad there are good sides to it, y'know? I could maybe see myself spending the rest of my life in this town. After college of course.

Entry no.81

We're on our way out! Write more when I get home 🤍

Entry no.82

Nothing happened. That shouldn't really be surprising. I got this weird feeling from the lake though. This is going to sound stupid, but it seems almost alive? Me and vee were talking on the rocks And I don't even remember how, but the topic of turtles came up and it just started splashing. On the topic of Sea Life! It was really weird. There didn't seem to be any kind of fish or frogs or anything. I've been to the river just a few blocks away and it's filled with tadpoles and shit? I'm not sure what makes this lake different.

Altogether I'm really not sure How much people say about this place is true. But I'm definitely going to go back. If nothing else? The locals seem too scared to come here, so it's a pretty nice spot to relax. Maybe I should be scared to, but I can't find it in myself to really care. Also I'm not sure if I really believe that This place would kill me If I decided to swim in it.

Entry no.89

I'm at the Black lake again! Actually writing from it this time. I had a day off so I decided it would be kind of relaxing to have a picnic out here. It's kind of neat! I decided to throw some of my grapes to the thing. Mostly for kicks I think. Hoping it doesn't harm any of the wildlife that might be here, but I mean it's grapes so it shouldn't do too much harm?

This place gives me a weird feeling. It was kind of off putting before But now it's just kind of calming? It feels safe. I don't think I remember actually failing this way in a long time. Maybe I should dig into that, but I sure as hell am not a therapist and even if I was I don't think I could therapize myself. Do therapists do that? I don't know. I should look that up. That's another weird thing, it doesn't seem like this place has any cell service? And my Bluetooth shut off ): maybe people are just scared to set up connections here? I don't know. Still seems kind of stupid that people are afraid of this place. I don't think it would hurt anyone.

God I'm talking about it like it's a living thing. Maybe I buy too much into those horror stories.

Entry no.91

I'm at the lake again. I brought some more food this time! Some for me and some to hopefully appease the non-existent lake entities.

You know I thought this was kind of stupid at first but I started talking to the lake. It's kind of like talking to you? It can't answer me but it feels weirdly comforting. Like maybe something is listening. And there's no risk of anyone finding it, like people can with this book, so it's almost more secure?

I can talk about things that I would never dare write down Because honestly what is the lake going to do? Tell someone?

Still makes me feel stupid though. Seriously, I'm talking to thin air. Maybe I should try to convince dad to let me see a therapist again.

Entry no.100

!! We're at 100 entries! Not sure if that's really something I should be proud of considering what this book is for but like. You know.

I'm at the lake again. I've found myself being drawn to here more and more. I haven't written about it, but I've stopped here on my way home from work a few times. I just sat by the water and talked. I know it's stupid I just, I don't know, it's so nice too. Be able to get these things out with no risk of judgment and still feel like someone is listening. This book is great, really, and I don't think anyone's going to look at it. But it's always an anxiety, you know? I don't think I'll be able to stop worrying about it. I can't stop worrying about most things usually.

…It's really stupid. But I feel safer here. This feels like home. I'm not sure why

Entry no.102

You know, I read in a book one time that it was some kind of universal truth that staring into big bodies of water could help with emotions. Maybe that's what's happening.

Entry no.117

Vee asked If I wanted to go try and explore the lake again today. I said yes because obviously! I haven't told anyone about the time I spend there But I really want to share it with her, y'know? She deserves to know I think. God this sounds so stupid. I feel like I'm 12 and legitimately believing I have magic powers again. But it's different. It is really stupid I know I just. Feel like something is actually going on? This lake feels alive despite having no life inside it. It feels like a friend. God I sound so stupid right now anyway! How would it be less embarrassing to talk about vee? Literally how?

Entry no.118

A lot just happened. I don't think I can even begin to explain. I don't think I don't think I can go to this lake anymore. I don't think it's safe. Vee, god, I love her, fuck. She's the best swimmer I know.

I don't even know how to swim

Entry no.118

That was jumbled. Sorry. I just couldn't deal with writing that down right now. What just happened? So glad you asked, my future 30-year-old self who will be reading this! If you remember!

We were just sitting by the water and we were laughing and I kept throwing it little bits of my food, like I always do, and vee, Like the absolute fantastic idiot that she is, decided it was a good idea to try and swim in the lake that kills people if you swim in it. Such a good idea. God I swear this girl will literally be the death of me. That's what I thought today! She started sinking and I panicked and I jumped in after her and? I'm normally the worst swimmer you would ever see. You know this. I guarantee we never get better at swimming. And I just! Pulled her out! It was weird. She said It was like some invisible force was dragging her down and the moment I touched her it vanished?

I gave the lake My necklace before we left. I kind of regret it. It was from Eden. I really shouldn't have thrown away One of my most important possessions but I couldn't think of anything else to do to show my gratitude.

I'm not going to stop visiting the lake. I said that on a whim. I don't think I could stop after that. Not only would I miss it too much, it would just…It feels mean. I don't think I should do that. But I don't know but I should do either.

There's obviously something wrong with this thing. But it's also the closest thing I have to someone I can trust right now. And isn't that pathetic? How did I somehow become closer to a literal body of water than my own family?

Shit. Maybe I should imitate vee as much as we all joke I do and jump into the lake. Even if it does like me, I'm not a good enough swimmer to get out of

Sorry. That's dramatic. Sorry. I should stop writing. Sorry I had to poison this dramatic story with my teenage angst, future me. G'night.

Entry no.125

I think I should move back to New York. Auntie still Lives there. She would let me come over.

Entry no.126

I need to stop coming here. I don't know why I'm doing this. Am I really that pathetic? Do I really need to be listened to that much that I will actively put myself and those I care about in danger for some stupid fucking lake? Why am I like this. I think I need to stop actually! This isn't going to end well and I know it. I.

Entry no.142

I'm moving back in with auntie. She was ecstatic when she heard the news. My parents just think I miss my friends.

Vee was disappointed but I think we both know why I'm doing this.

I don't think I'm ever going to get Eden's necklace back.

Entry no.648

I've been rereading some of my past journal entries. I kind of feel bad for 17-year-old me. I think I found something that I kind of blocked out of my brain though?

I'm kind of curious if that was one of those things I embellished for the fun of it? Vee doesn't think so, but I'm not sure. It seems unrealistic that all of that actually happened. I guess that's the point of it, though. For future reference when reading this, I'm referring to A lot of the entries between 77-142. It's kind of crazy how much I wrote back then, man. I don't think I could dedicate that much time to talking about myself now if I tried.

Anyway, I'm going to visit Dad in that old town for Eden's birthday soon. I'll take a walk around that place, see what it's actually like. Because even if I exaggerated it it was still big enough for me to lose her necklace. By choice even. No matter how stupid me at 17 was I don't think I would do that without a good reason

Entry no. 687

Happy 23rd birthday, sis. I miss you. If you're reading this by any chance, I hope you're doing well. Wherever you are. Love you.

Entry no.690

I found your necklace Eden.

I'm not sure what this lake is but it's not anything natural. I can tell. On the off chance your spirit is there, I think I'm going to keep visiting. I think I might move back here.

It looks just like the day you made it for me.

#the black lake #writing mmmmm #the black lake writing #to my three followers hiii ily 🩵🩵 You can ignore this actually 🩵🩵🩵 #tw family death #tw sui ideation #is that the right tag? #girl idk

[fatedtruths]

☀ TOM HEADCANON 009 ☀  ▒   SEXUALITY

SO. tom branson’s sexuality is something that i am still stuck on so much it’s giving me a headache.  

basically he’s attracted to all types.    all  genders.    or at least he can appreciate the beauty and the aesthetic looks in all genders.   he’s had sex without there being much romantic attachment but those normally occur when he’s drunk, because he gets handsy when he’s drunk when someone pays him that sort of attention.       he’s experimented with guys too   ( though only briefly thought about it in canon,   not experimented in person  — catholic guilt and rampant homophobia stopping him )      for him to see someone as something sexual he has to know them more first,  has to have a romantic attachment

he thinks that’s normal.     just the casual understanding that everyone’s good looking.      it’s people he believes in, and people he falls in love with.      ( so yes. in a way.   he’s in love with matthew,   with henry maybe too,      but that’s not a part of his conscious thinking that it could go anywhere else or that it ever would so he doesn’t really realise it.  he’s in love with them, but not in a way that it would become sexual for him. )    

he’s got two older brothers and it’s their behaviour that influences him a lot.    they, like a lot of teenage boys, talk about girls and being attracted to them, as do his mates and his cousins and even his uncles, and he takes it with him as part of ‘normal’.        he falls in love hard and fast, always, the longer it carries on for the harder and faster he falls and, when the object of his affection is female, the ‘appreciation’ or attraction often wanders into the realm of sexual.        (    that objectification, for lack of a better word, makes him uncomfortable in imagining, but he also can’t ever quite stop himself.   )

basically. tom branson has a large heart.       tom branson is a very affectionate,     especially a physically affectionate, person.         tom branson likes people and has a lot of space in his heart for loving a lot of people.

in canon,    he never considers falling into a romantic relationship with a man and as it’s something he doesn’t consider and since he’s also attracted to women it’s not something in his personal sphere.,

in modern, he knows when guys are attractive but assumes that it’s normal that everyone can tell when someone’s good looking.    the difference is,    if the other person instigated it, he’d definitely sleep with a guy.  he assumes that he’s straight, because that’s the ‘default’, for lack of a better word,   it would take someone having to sit him down and explain that he might not be, for him to stop and think about it.   but he’s not one for ‘types’   he’s not one for putting people into boxes because people are more complicated than that.      he’d probably say that he was straight,   if he was asked, because not one of the labels he reads the definitions of fit him and what he feels properly.   he’s had girlfriends,   though nothing massively serious,  he’s a bit too much of a workaholic.

(  and then there’s sybil.     who always, in every verse, puts everyone else he’s been with to shame.        who takes his life and soul and heart and owns them with a smile in a heartbeat.    she’s the one who, when he looks at her,  his soul just goes    ‘oh. there you are.’        before that,      it wouldn’t even cross his mind to look at her as something sexual.   not until he wants her in his world and in his life in every way that’s possible, in every way that she’ll allow.  )

basically i think he’s panromantic & bisexual.

#[ TOM — headcanons ] #[ queue. ]