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moririki · 3 years

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⤷ A BLOODSTAINED CONFESSION

RENGOKU KYOJURO X READER -> 3.6K you patch up your fellow hashira after the hardest fight of your lives

REQUEST -> ✰ CONTAINS -> MUGEN TRAIN SPOILERS like before the cut and everything, mentions of blood + gore, so kinda angsty but definitely a fluffy ass ending, reader is a hashira but it's left ambiguous as to what element you are👍, i watched the movie two months ago so my recollection of dialogue and plot may be *slightly* off, near-death experience, idk how to write combat so i just... didn’t, reader lowkey thirsts over rengoku's back muscles and shit because why tf not, idk how injuries work aaaa MORI'S THOUGHTS -> rengoku my beloved,,, he deserves the world,, i think i should have made this less angsty im SORRY (i rlly heard "extra fluffy" and it just went 👩🏻➡️ straight through my head huh) also i bet you guys missed me and my late-ass posting <3 but here i am!! for now!! yeahhhh!! i feel like the writing in this got a little repetitive so i apologise for that

APPARENTLY, THE DESTRUCTION OF AN ENTIRE TRAIN wasn't enough to end this mission. even with one lower six demon defeated, another much stronger one had replaced it. the arrival of akaza was a significant turning point in the battle, and one that you cursed yourself for missing.

you should have known that this mission would he more dangerous than expected when both you and rengoku had been deployed to the train, alongside three rookies. you should have known better than to let rengoku convince you to stay back and help evacuate rather than let him handle it alone.

he had been so full of confidence- squeezing your hand firmly before rushing off, leaving you feeling slightly lightheaded from the brief contact of his warm palm. you should have wished him luck, told him to be careful, anything, but he was gone before you had the chance.

you made quick work of evacuating the passengers of the derailed train, making sure that they were all confirmed to be outside of the carriages before entrusting their safety to zenitsu and nezuko. it was around when you had carried out the last passenger that you felt the ground rumble beneath your feet, coming from the other side of the embankment that you were currently placed at.

before you gave yourself time to really think things through, you were shouting instructions to the pair of demon slayers and dashing off towards the source of the noise, hand readily placed on your sword. that was the direction that rengoku ran is all that went through your mind.

the scene that you found yourself facing did little to quell your fears. you reached two bodies first, recognising them as the hapless figures of inosuke and tanjiro. from a glance you could see the extent of their injuries, with the latter laying on the ground barely conscious. the boar-headed one could only stare at the fight happening several metres away, his shoulders slumped in defeat and swords hanging by his sides.

“there’s no opening,” he only whispered, barely audible. that much was true. even you had difficulty keeping up with the movements of rengoku and the demon that he was fighting. the fact that it had already been several minutes and that there was no clear advantage concerned you, and you unsheathed your sword.

“you two stay put, and learn what it means to be a hashira, alright?” you tried offering a brilliant smile, much like you had seen the flame hashira do so many times, but you hoped that yours didn't fall flat. from the slight relief shown on tanjiro’s worn face, though, you took that as a good sign.

without wasting another second, you rushed towards rengoku and the demon, assessing their movements. inosuke wasn’t joking when he said there wasn’t any opening, their movements equally matched. you took the chance and struck when rengoku managed to get the demon to stumble back. bringing your sword down in a vertical strike, you severed one of its arms, before taking a cursory glance back at rengoku to make sure that he was alright.

your wound did little to hinder the demon, as it simply chuckled before regrowing its limb.

“oh? another hashira? don’t tell me you think that this is a fair match,” the demon sneered as you held your sword in front of you, still nervously eyeing the blood that was beginning to drip at rengoku’s feet. it amazed you as to how he was still standing, let alone also ready to keep fighting, but you weren’t going to stop him with that amount of determination in his eyes.

“i wouldn’t say that you appearing after we had to fight an entire train was fair either, but here we are,” you glared at the demon, adjusting the grip on your sword.

“think you can hold on a little longer?” you asked rengoku, still facing the demon.

“always.” you could picture the steadfast smile on his face, lending you his strength whenever you needed it. you took a deep breath, starting your total concentration breathing and launching off of your foot, propelling yourself forwards.

you heard rengoku's footsteps right behind you, dependable as ever. when you swung your sword and sliced through, you knew that the flame hashira was there to follow through with a co-ordinated attack.

despite your best efforts, the upper six demon lived up to its status and provided to be more than a challenge for even both you and rengoku fighting him simultaneously. in fact, akaza had even managed to gain the upper hand a few times, leaving you with a cracked rib that was making it more difficult to focus and control your breathing.

but you and rengoku's big break arrived in the form of a rising sun that leeched itself into your surroundings. the glow was nothing but welcomed by you, though your demon opponent let fear flicker across its face for the first time this night as it turned foot and fled. the invisible adrenaline-fuelled strings that held you up snapped, and you felt the strength from your body sap, too spent to gove chase to akaza.

the bitter taste of defeat crushed you, numbing your senses as you barely heard the cries of tanjiro as he yelled at the retreating figure of akaza. you turned to your fellow yashira, eyes widening and senses returning as you took in the way he had slumped to the floor, head bowed as he kneeled.

"no, don't you dare," you mumbled, dropping to your knees too in front of him. panic gave your limbs a new purpose as your hands stretched out in front of you, seeking out the warmth rengoku still emitted even when mortally wounded.

the most pressing matter was the dark stain of blood that gave his uniform an unnatural sheen that was still spreading. you pressed a hand to the source of it, a large gash across his stomach that was much too deep for your liking. your other hand came to rest on his face, tilting his head up to look at you for any sort of good sign to cling onto.

"you better stay alive!" your voice was shrill, harsher than you wanted it to be, but those were factors you could hardly control more than the blood oozing from rengoku's stomach. you could see how unfocused his eyes were, and how heavy his head was when only being propped up by the waning strength in your hand. your own injuries had been forgotten, cast aside in favour for you to fear for the flame hashira's life.

and still, despite everything, the man still smiled. the blood covering half his face did little to mar its radiance. rengoku raised a shaking, bloody hand of his own, letting it fall heavy against your own as you felt your hold begin to slip.

"you're hurt too, you know." his words were more of a shaky exhale, though you heard it all the same. you felt a smile slip onto yours too as rengoku proved to still be so vigilant in the wellbeing of others.

"you don't need to remind me, shut up and save your energy," you whispered back. you didn't trust yourself to speak any louder in fear of your voice cracking.

"but.. i have to tell you something." the insistence in his eyes was back, burning into you so mich that you couldn't help but lean closer, trying to ease his burden of being audible.

"quit talking like you're dying." you were practically whispering into his ear, close enough to feel the rasp of his breath as he laughed, holding your hand tighter. his other hand came up to your own face, rough thumb brushing against the skin underneath your eye, wiping away a tear you never realised had tracked its way there.

"let me bandage you up." your voice may not have shook, but your hands definitely did as you disentangled them from rengoku's hold, urging him to put pressure on his wound while your fingers found purchase on the hem of your uniform and ripped off a strip of it. it was barely enough to cover his injury but you managed to wrap the severed cloth around his middle a few times, tying it tight and hoping that it was enough to stop the bleeding.

"just.. stay with me until backup comes, alright? you've got tell me something once we get out of here, remember?" rengoku nodded into your palm, smiling at your words as his eyelids fluttered shut. but you were close enough to still feel that he was warm, to feel the slight rise and fall of his chest as he managed to still breathe, and that gave you some comfort.

minutes felt like hours when you had to talk to fill the gap. whether it was to give rengoku something that tethered him to this mortal realm, or a way for you to distract yourself from your own pain, you onew that you would both have to tough it out a little longer, just until the others arrived.

"you know, i've always admired you." you were surprised at both his words and how clear rengoku's voice sounded. your grip on his hand tightened a little, and you leaned towards him so that your forehead pressed against his.

"this is hardly the time to say something like that, kyojuro." you tried not to laugh, the pain of your ribs starting to edge back in as the adrenaline left your body as the sun soaked your bodies.

"i just wanted you to know." you would have responded to the man if it weren't for the shouts that became all too clear. help was here, and everything was going to be okay now.

you didn't want to let rengoku out of your sight, but many insistent hands prised his body from your grip, and with barely the strength to speak there was little that you could do about it except succumb to the pain of your wounds and finally fall unconscious.

recovery was never an aspect of fighting that you looked forward to. when you finally came to, there were a few gripping moments of panic when you asked a nurse if rengoku was here, if he was alive. you had been assured that he was before the pain and medication kicked in again for a fitful sleep as your body healed.

but no matter how you were pressed back into bed, into the constraints of sleep, you never really felt like you were at rest. your mind was still racing to places your body couldn't as it pieced together the events just before you got hospitalised.

when you could finally get up without keeling over, you were stumboing your way through the hallways as stealthily as possible, leaning on walls for support and peering into rooms as you walked past, in search of your fellow hashira. your cards of luck had lined up when you stumbled upon his sleeping figure less than three rooms down from yours.

he looked a lot cleaner, still donning a serene smile even when unconscious and you felt the panic gripping your body loosen its hold. the throb of your most likely broken ribs was enough of an edge to keep you awake, and you made your way over to rengoku's bedside.

there was a convenient chair placed next to him, and you tried not to grunt in pain as you sat down in it. rengoku didn't even stir at your approach, and you resigned yourself to sitting there, studying his figure and resisting the urge to check whether he was actually breathing or not. if you focused enough, you saw the subtlest rise and fall of his chest, just enough to qualm your fears.

your concentration was broken as you heard the sliding door open again, and the hesitant voice of a nurse breaking your intense silence.

"ah, i'm sorry to interrupt but i need to change rengoku's bandages." to prove her point, the nurse raised her arm to emphasise the strips of fabric held by them. you stood up hastily, sending a cursory glance back at the still-sleeping form of rengoku.

like all matters regarding the flame hashira, you found your mouth and body working a little faster than your brain.

"it's alright, i can change them for you. i'm sure that you have plenty of other patients to tend to." the nurse nodded, though she still looked hesitant to hand you the bandages. you gave her a reassuring smile, stretching out your hand to take them. "i've had plenty of experience with this, don't worry."

the nurse appeared relieved, giving you a quick thanks before exiting and letting the door click shut behind her.

you turned your attention back to rengoku's sleeping figure only to watch him crack a single amber eye open and give you an almost sheepish smile. you couldn't help the flooding sensation of relief that drenched your bones, and you returned his gesture.

"i'm glad to see that you're alright." rengoku's eyes never left yours, and you felt yourself grow hot underneath his gaze.

"glad to see you too." you offered a hand, helping rengoku shuffle further up the bed with minimal effort on your side. despite the bandages covering a large expanse of his upper body, his grip on your hand was still stable and you bit back the fond smile threatening to bloom on your face.

luckily for you, rengoku seemed to get the message that he needed to get shirtless without you asking him, which saved you a whole lot of embarrassment. you weren't confident in your ability to look him in the eye and ask him to strip without blushing, though you did exactly that as your eyes raked over his bare skin.

littered with scars and covering taut muscle, it was hard not to let your eyes wander down his form. from the look on rengoku's face, he looked well aware of the effect that he had on you and fixing you with a practically imperceptible smirk. you were quick to ask him to turn around, and he obliged as quickly as someone with broken and bruised bones could manage.

his back was the same story, with broad shoulders and defined shoulderblades that had muscle twitching without you touching it. you sucked in a breath, way too audible for your liking, and tried not to let your hand stretch out to run your fingers down the expanse of his back. you were here to help treat him, not indulge in some fantasy of yours.

your mindset snapped back to professionalism as you grabbed hold of the fresh bandages, opting to put them on after you removed the old ones. while there was no sign of infection, you still grimaced at the bloody sight of rengoku's major wound. you tried not to show how much it had upset you, both now and in the moment, and your attention turned to your slightly trembling fingers.

you were careful to avoid where his skin was obviously discoloured from bruising, not wanting to cause him any unnecessary pain. he was warm to the touch, enough to invite you in with some false sense of confort before burning you alive. the way his back muscles jumped at your touch did little to help your concentration, but you shouldered on.

your mingld escaped you, insisting on recounting those painful minutes where rengoku was vpeeding out on the battlefield. there was a particular focus on his insistence to tell you something, and you bit your lip. surely, he would ask you at some point from now.

"how are your ribs?" rengoku's voice cut through the silence, its rasping edge acting as evidence of hiw soundly he had been sleeping earlier. while it wasn't the question you wanted him to ask you, you were never one to turn down conversation. especially from him.

"worry about yourself, kyojuro. i'm fine." your appliance of the fresh bandage meant that you would now have to be stood in front of him, a development that had your face flaming from the close proximity. silence set in, and all that distracted you from the rise and fall of his stomach was his breath tickling the sensitive skin of your neck. your eyes flickered towards the ceiling, relying on your hands to guide yourself instead.

you dared to glance down and saw rengoku’s eyes fixed on your face already. there was something about his softened features and the look in his eyes that had you scrambling to stare at the blank ceiling again. as much as you would like to retreat at every first sign if danger or confrontation, you knew that you woukd have to talk to him soon, whether it was you or him who brought up the conversation topic from that day.

taking a deep breath, you perched yourself on the edge of rengoku's bed, still maintaining a professional amount of distance from him. still close enough to spot how his smile brightens when you choose to stay. you glanced down at your fingers, twisting knots into themselves as they were placed in your lap. you almost cursed and placed them underneath you to stop that, but instead you fixed your gaze on the flame hashira's ever-present smile.

"do you remember when you said you had to tell me something? right after akaza?" rengoku straightened up a little, nodding. you gave a cursory glance to the bandages safely wrapped around him, and winced as you remembered how much blood had left him that day.

as if he could tell what you were thinking, rengoku reached forward and took your hand in his. you sucked in a breath at the sensation of his calloused hands, wincing as your ribs ached in protest. you couldn’t bring yourself to break his stare as your fingers intertwined, and rengoku brought you slightly closer to him. the tension was palpable, and you squeezed his hand in an attempt to alleviate some of it.

“what did you want to tell me, kyojuro?” you were still closing the distance between the two of you, voice barely above a whisper because there was no need to talk any louder for him to hear you. everything about him drew you closer, and the thought of pulling away never crossed your mind. you finally stopped, inches away, staring at him expectantly.

“well, there was a chance that i was going to die that day, so i was going to be selfish and tell you that i love you."

it amazed you how he could say that with such confidence when that statement had effectively swept you off of your feet. you were well aware that you looked more than caught off guard- your eyes had widened, and your mouth probably hung open from shock. that was nothing to stop rengoku’s words, though. if anything, it only encouraged him to keep going.

"and when i said that i admire you, i meant it. i admire your strength and how willing you are to help others. i admire you when it's sunset and you're laughing and i admire the way your hands feel, especially here." he guided your hand to his face, letting it cradle his cheek as he rested his own hand at your wrist, not willing to let go. you were sinking into the warmth of his body, letting his borrowed strength keep you upright.

“and most of all, i admire you because i find your beauty striking in everything that you do.” you were silent as rengoku’s eyes searched your own, watching as his lips split as he laughed. “you’re crying again.” you raised your other hand to your cheekbone, feeling the liquid there that began its trek down the planes of your face. you wiped them away with the back of your hand, keeping yourself anchored to rengoku as you curled your fingers around his own.

you felt so light that you could float away, and you couldn’t help but laugh and grin as you fully processed the confession of the man lying underneath you. tears still rolled down your cheeks, and you couldn’t help the bittersweet pang as you remembered exactly why he was here recovering.

“you really scared me back there, you know?”

“it wasn’t my intention.” you laughed through your sniffle, feeling his warm hand trace patterns on the back of yours. you shuffled forwards and, as best as your shared injuries allowed it, you gave rengoku a hug. while your arms were around his neck, his rested squarely on your lower back, and it was better than anything else you could imagine.

you pulled away, relinquishing the comfort of his arms in favour of looking him in the eye as you prepared what to say next. admittedly, it was a lot easier when you knew how the other person felt about you.

“you know i admire you too, rengoku, and i love you. so much.” joy rewrote itself within his eyes, and they almost glowed with how intense his emotions were after you uttered those words.

“you do?”

your yes came out as a barely audible breath before you were being snagged forwards by him again. you practically crashed against his lips, but you welcomed the sensation, pulling yourself closer to him and settling on his lap.

you sighed into the searing kiss, only truly appreciating his warmth now as you felt it spread through you. you kissed him back intensely, ignoring the dull ache of your ribs to chase the addictive feeling that you only got around him.

around the person who loved you back.

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gladerwolfstarkimagines · 3 years

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Unlikely friends: Imagine being Toph’s cousin and befriending Azula, much to the gang’s horror and confusion as it starts to become something more...

Note: The is loosely based on the comic the search which takes place after the tv show ended

Part two here

part three here

Your pov

You’d never been exposed to Azula much. Of course you knew who she was, everyone in the four nations did, but you’d never met her face to face. You only joined the gang after Zuko was firelord and so the first time you met her was when Zuko recruited her to help find his mother.

You were at the royal palace when Zuko revealed his sister would be coming on the trip with the rest of you. The others all gasped as a girl appeared beside Zuko but you just blinked confused. The girl in front of you was your age, average to small height and honestly just looked tired and worn down. You’d heard Azula had been locked up for a year due to her mental health difficulties and you couldn’t understand how the others didn’t see this all over her.

Zuko noticed you staring at Azula and realised you’d never met before. “Ow you don’t know each other....y/n this is Azula, Azula this is y/n Toph’s cousin”. “Hmmm a Beifong so not a peasant but earth kingdom scum is still earth kingdom scum” Azula replied glancing over you. “Azula!” Zuko snapped but you just shrugged “it’s fine, nice to meet you Azula”. Azula blinked at you confused at the notion any one of her brother’s friends would ever be pleased to see her. She stared at you before moving past you. “Sorry she’s....like that” Zuko commented and you smiled “no need to apologise, i’m sure after everything she’s been through this is hard for her, tracking your mother down...I bet she’s very nervous to be seeing her again, that’s probably why she’s lashing out”. Zuko frowned “I guess, I hadn’t thought of it that way...”.

Throughout the trip you had more patience with Azula than the others because you empathised with her. Yes, she was rude and snarky but you could tell she was only doing that to get a reaction out of the people she knew hated her. You’d grown up with difficult people who liked to annoy an reaction out of you (your cousin was Toph freaking Beifong) and so you knew they usually did it when they didn’t feel welcome or good about themselves. So you never responded to Azula’s quips about you or retaliated in any way and slowly she stopped. Soon you noticed you were the only one in the group who Azula didn’t rush to attack. She largely acted like you weren’t there but you took that as a good sign. If it was just the two of you she seemed more relaxed, less guarded and you were glad you had that effect on her. You wanted her to know not everyone hated her and apparently she did.

Obviously however Azula couldn’t just be alone with you the whole trip. She was surrounded by the gang who rightfully mistrusted and intensely disliked her. It was a stressful environment and you saw its growing mark on Azula each day...

You usually took the main night watch as you didn’t need as much sleep as the others and you’d noticed while everyone else slept soundly Azula would often jerk and mutter in her sleep endlessly. One night it was particularly bad. Azula curled up into herself and her mutterings sounded more like whimpers. You tried to ignore it and just focus on your book but after a while you couldn’t. So you approached her slowly and realised she must be having a particularly bad nightmare. Azula” you called trying to wake her up. When the girl didn’t respond you walked closer and knelt down beside her “Azula?” you called shaking her slightly. Azula jolted awake suddenly, sitting up so fast she almost headbutted you. She flinched away from you, fire at her fingertips before she blinked “ow it’s just you, what were you doing leaning over me?”. “You were having a nightmare I was trying to wake you” you replied and Azula glared “impossible nightmares are for weak people and children”. You laughed “no they’re not! Everyone gets nightmares, it’s not something you can control and it certainly doesn’t mean you’re weak”. Azula huffed sitting up and pulled her legs into her chest “well either way I wasn’t having one okay?”. You nodded your head raising your hands in surrender “fine”. Silence settled and you looked at her “well i’m going to go sit back by the fire, you can join me if you want. It’d be nice to have some company”. Azula huffed “no thank you” she said sarcastically and you shrugged “suit yourself but the invite is there”.

You sat down by the fire and returned to your book. You heard Azula shuffling around and after a few minutes saw her stand up and head towards you. You pretended not to notice as Azula got closer and only looked up when she reached the campfire. “Since you rudely woke me up and I can’t get back to sleep I’ve decided to sit here, there’s no point just laying on the floor”. You nodded your head “that makes sense” and smiled slightly. Azula looked down embarrassed but seemed grateful you didn’t push it. You sat in comfortable silence, only talking fleetingly and it was calm and neutral. Azula looked the most relaxed and normal you’d ever seen her and sure enough she soon fell back to sleep. You smiled and grabbed a blanket laying it over her. She may be difficult but difficult people were that way because they were hurting. You could sense that in Azula and didn’t want to cause her any more harm. You thought Azula could sense your intentions to her were different than the other’s and that’s why she behaved differently with you. Every time you interacted you saw more of Azula, the healthy happier Azula, but all the walls went back up as soon as the others were around. It upset you Azula didn’t feel comfortable with the others but at least feeling comfortable with one person was a start.

3 days later

You were finally only one day away from reaching the village Zuko’s mom was in and you all sat around discussing what to do next. Well apart from Azula, she was always made to stand away when you discussed plans, nobody forced her to but she felt unwelcomed so would usually go sulk out of earshot. It was decided you’d make the journey the next morning rather than arriving in the middle of the night. You nodded along with the plans before standing up and heading off in Azula’s direction “okay i’ll go let her know”. “Let who know?” Katara asked and you paused “Azula, she doesn’t know the plan”. “So?” Zuko asked and you hesitated “well shouldn’t we tell her....i mean she’s a part of the group now, she deserves to know what we’re dragging her into”. Aang nodded, Toph and Sokka shrugged but Katara and Zuko didn’t look convinced. “Fine i guess” Zuko shrugged and you nodded, going to get Azula from her stance by the woods. The gang all watching on confused.

The next day

You reached Ursa’s village the next day and found her home easily. She was thrilled to see her children again and the town threw a large party to celebrate the return of Ursa’s son the fire lord. You all attended and the whole gang looked so happy to finally be off the road and in a house, Zuko especially was in high spirits. He was beaming, a grin spread from ear to ear and you smiled to see he hadn’t left his mother’s side since he’d found her again. You saw Zuko’s family, his mom, new little sister Kiyi and stepdad all sat together and paused....they looked like a perfect happy family but someone was missing. You glanced around and saw Azula was outside, as far away from the happy occasion as she could get and was staring intensely at the surrounding scenery. You made your way outside and Azula jumped. “Only me” you said holding up a hand and Azula lowered her hands but her shoulders were still tensed “what do you want?”. “Nothing” you shrugged “just wanted to see if you were okay”. “Of course i’m okay” Azula snapped and you frowned. Over the period you’d spent travelling you’d seen Azula improve, she was less jumpy and agitated but the second you’d reached her mother’s town she was right back at square one. Her mother had been the reason for her initial mental breakdown and you were worried something like this could set her over the edge again. You knew Azula wasn’t one for small talk but wanted her to feel less alone so started talking to her. “You know I haven’t seen my family in 5 years?”. Azula didn’t attack you so you carried on. “They sent me to go live with Toph’s parents when I was 12 and I haven’t seen them since. To be honest it wasn’t a big move I was at Toph’s all the time but still to make it permanent... My father...he worked a lot so I never saw him even when I was home but as for my other family. My mom and I never saw eye to eye on anything, she hated all my decisions and honestly I think she was glad when I left...it gave her more time to focus on my brothers. Her favourites, she’s always preferred my brothers to me just because they’ll carry on the name or whatever”. You trailed off and Azula raised an eyebrow “are you actually trying to bond with me over mommy issues?”. You paused and rushed to explain you weren’t trying anything when you saw Azula had a slight smirk on her face and so you smiled. “Why not?” you asked “my point is, my parents were never there for me and I turned out fine! They only have as much power over you as you let them. Azula tutted “you should save the philosophy for Aang y/n”. You smiled “I probably should but all i’m saying is you’re not a product of what they’ve done to you unless you let yourself be, unless you hold onto that anger. I’ve forgiven my mother and father for how they treated me”. Azula spun on you and you jumped to see how angry she suddenly looked. “You expect me to believe after all she did to you, you forgave her? How stupid do you think I am?”. “I have” you said confused “I hold no anger towards my mother anymore”. “Well you should” Azula commented “she doesn’t deserve anything less”. You shrugged “maybe so but that anger was causing me way more harm than it was her”. Azula didn’t respond and you frowned. “I haven’t forgotten what she...what all my family did to me and I haven’t let them off for it, I set boundaries and refuse to let them treat me that way anymore...but I also don’t fixate over what happened, it happened, it was in the past and that’s where it should stay...that’s where I make it stay, I won’t let it take up any more of my time”. Silence settled and as time stretched on you stopped expecting a reply. That was fine with you, you just hoped any part of what you’d said had made Azula feel a little better. “I’m cold so i’m going to head back inside, you could come with me? I hate entering parties alone” you tried to joke but Azula didn’t glance at you. You shrugged and started back inside when Azula sighed and appeared beside you “come on then, if I must hold your hand with everything”. You grinned as you realised this was Azula’s way of saying she’d come back to the party with you. “But we’re getting food” Azula told you “i’m starving, that food Sokka hands out is awful”. You grinned as you walked in together “blubbered seal jerky, it is awful but it does sustain you”, Azula wrinkled her nose in disgust and you laughed. “I never figured you a picky eater”. “I’m not” Azula said defiantly “but i refuse to eat any animal’s blubber” she commented piling a plate with food. Not wanting to make her eat alone you copied her and filled a plate too. You found a table near the outskirts of the party and sat down together. Azula tucked into her food and you were surprised at her appetite though you knew you shouldn’t be. The girl was a machine of muscle and strength, of course she ate a lot. Still you watched impressed as Azula cleared her plate "you were hungry" you grinned and Azula smirked "why do you never believe me?". "I don’t know maybe your whole history with manipulation?". Azula’s smirk vanished and you worried you’d gone too far when she laughed. It was odd seeing her face contort into a laugh and her shoulders shake but a good weird. You liked seeing it and felt very proud you’d made the fearsome and dreadful Azula laugh. So proud you didn’t even notice that your and Azula’s table was getting attention.

Ursa’s POV

Ursa’s head shot up as she heard a vaguely familiar but sorely missed sound and her eyes landed on Azula almost instantly. Azula was laughing! She was smiling at a friend and appeared happy. Joy filled Ursa’s heart and she felt her eyes tear up to see her daughter happy. "Mother?" Zuko asked and she jumped. "Are you okay?" Zuko asked and she nodded "it’s just your sister...". "What has she done now?" Zuko snapped and Ursa shook her head "nothing! I just, i know i showed favourites and i always regretted leaving you both, i worried it would impact you both beyond repair especially Azula but then i saw her smiling...". Zuko followed his mothers gaze not believing her until he saw Azula beside you. His mother was right, Azula was actually smiling...well her form of a smile which was more of an upturned lip but still for Azula that was insane. "Who is her friend?" Ursa asked "she seems lovely". "Y/n" Zuko said confused "i didn’t even know they were friends" he was ashamed to admit. Ursa noticed and patted his back "i know things can’t have been easy and i’m sorry for my part in that but things can only get better now, for all of us" she said glancing back to Azula and Zuko nodded "apparently so".

Your POV

After the party was finished you were heading to your shared room with Toph when Katara appeared "y/n can we talk?". You shrugged and motioned for her to follow you into the room. She did and once inside you turned to her expectantly. "What are you doing are you insane!" she burst. You blinked "come again?". "Since when are you friends with Azula! Why would you want to be? What is wrong with you?". You took in the comments and breathed "erm...i guess we’ve become friends over the journey, i have spent the most time with her, i didn’t try to become friends with her i just talked to her and treated her like a human and it kind of just happened. As for what’s wrong with me....how long have you got?". Toph laughed and Katara glared "y/n this isn’t funny, don’t you remember all she’s done!". You rolled your eyes "ow yeah all water under the bridge...of course i haven’t forgotten what she's done but i have seen enough of her to know she’s just as broken as Zuko, she’s human Katara and she deserves the decency of being treated like one". Katara tutted "i don’t remember seeing an inch of humanity in her". "Well i’m sure if you start really looking at her you'll find it" you said sharply "now I’m going to bed so goodnight" and you turned away from the water bender letting her know this conversation was over.

Mai’s POV After Ursa had been found everyone returned to the fire nation to celebrate. Zuko was the happiest Mai had ever seen him but he wasn’t the only one who returned from the journey oddly happy. Thanks to her help Azula hadn’t been locked back up upon her return and she was freely roaming the palace. Old habits die hard and Mai found herself watching the girl who’d tormented her through her childhood and was surprised by what she saw. Azula had made a friend and one that actually seemed to genuinely like her judging by your smile. "So...Azula and y/n seem to get on" Mai commented and Zuko nodded amazed that this friendship had formed and that Azula was here at the party at all. He figured knowing their mother would be here she’d have run and hidden but here she was. "They seem quite close" Mai carried on "are they...is it more than a friendship?". Zuko paused "what?". Ty lee nodded "i was thinking the same thing, notice how Azula hardly looks away from her?". Mai nodded and Zuko frowned, clearly lost in the conversation. "I don’t know...i don’t think so" he babbled. Mai rolled her eyes at how clueless Zuko was "well is y/n or has y/n ever dated anyone to your knowledge". "No..." Zuko frowned. "They’re so dating" Ty lee grinned and Zuko frowned "are you sure? I mean my sister...date anyone?". Mai shook her head "you know she is a human being right Zuko? And an attractive one at that, i wouldn’t be surprised if she and y/n kindled something it's actually rather...sweet".

Azula’s POV

Azula had only agreed to come to this party because you were going to be here and also because she’d been assured her mother wouldn’t try anything with her. Still Azula had been apprehensive to attend and the second you left her side her suspicions were confirmed. She was ambushed. "Sooooo" Azula heard and turned to see an old friend? Ex friend? She still wasn’t sure but either way there was Ty lee grinning her. "Ty lee" she nodded at her curtly. "It’s good to see you" Ty lee smiled "i noticed you and y/n seem close". Azula raised an eyebrow, Ty lee was never good at being subtle and clearly meant something more with those words. "If you’re worried she’s beating you in the rankings of friendship you needn’t worry, you dropped right out of there the minute you betrayed me". Ty lee paused and Azula smirked "your face, you always were too easy to fool". Ty lee laughed nervously, Azula knew how to joke now? "But seriously what’s up with you and y/n? Is it friends....is it more?". Azula paused "more?". "Well you guys just seemed very close" Ty lee shrugged "almost couple-y". Azula paused, this was a new perspective for her, she hadn’t even thought about her friendship with you or that it could be something more....now the idea was there she realised it wasn’t such a bad one. She liked you, she thought you were nice to be around and funny. Not to mention you were beautiful and athletic. Azula thought it over while Ty lee almost burst. "So?" Ty lee finally asked and Azula paused. She didn’t want Ty lee to go around telling people before she even knew what she wanted so she shook her head "me and y/n are just friends". Ty lee looked disappointed "ow...well i’m still glad you’ve got such a good friend, you look a lot happier than i’ve ever seen you" Ty lee smiled and Azula realised she was. Even here at the palace where she had so many bad memories it wasn’t as bad anymore. Azula suspected a lot of that was because of you and felt a blush rise to her cheeks. How hadn’t she worked this out sooner?

A few days later

All good things had to come to an end. With the mission a success the avatar and all his friends were leaving the fire nation soon and Azula knew you were planning on leaving too. You were going to help the little earth bender with her school. Azula knew Toph was the person you cared most about in the world so of course you’d want to go with her but part of her wished you wouldn’t. She wished you had nothing to pull you away from her.

She’d heard from Zuko you were leaving soon and so she debated back and forth if she should come see you to say goodbye or just let you go. As the time trickled away and the day of your departure arrived she decided to just swallow her pride and come and find you. She found you in your room in the palace doing some very late packing. You had apparently just finished as she found you lining up your luggage for the trip. “Azula” you said happily spotting her and she couldn’t help but smile “hi y/n”. “Hello” you smiled “how are you?”. “I’m good, and you?”. “Great” you smiled “we’re all set to leave soon! I can’t wait to get home”. Azula nodded “I can imagine” and stared at the floor. “Is everything okay?” you asked and Azula tensed. “Everything’s fine I just wanted to say goodbye” Azula shrugged meeting your eye and smiling slightly. She thought she’d been pretty convincing but apparently not.

Your POV

"Azula what’s wrong? I can tell somethings bothering you" you said frowning and came to stand closer to her. You could tell she was nervous, something you’d rarely seen on the firebender’s face. "I...i was just wondering when you were coming to the fire nation again?". You paused "well i’m not sure honestly, i guess whenever the gang comes again, why have you got a big festival coming up or something?". Azula shook her head "no we don’t...". She sounded disappointed and an idea formed in your head, did Azula not want you to go? "The gang might be too busy to just swing by but that doesn’t mean i can’t" you said testing the water and saw Azula’s eyes widen and her cheeks flush slightly. "I think that would be nice" she said looking down and you smiled softly. Azula wanted you around! "Yeah?" you asked and Azula nodded "i guess i’ve become...accustomed to your presence" she said.

You almost laughed that this was what Azula thought was an honest compliment. No, Azula could do better than that so you prompted her.

"Accustomed to my presence?" you asked raising an eyebrow and Azula searched for words before sighing. "I like being around you" she shrugged going red "so you coming back to the fire nation wouldn’t be a bad thing i guess". You grinned "you’d cope with that idea?". Azula nodded her head still blushing "i would". You laughed and couldn’t stop smiling at Azula’s blush. "Well in that case i’d be more than happy to have regular visits, not to mention you can come visit me and Toph at her school anytime you want". "I can?" Azula asked and you nodded "of course! You think i’d leave you all alone with these firebenders and no escape route". Azula smiled at you, a genuine happy smile and nodded her head "that’s...thank you, i’m sure i’ll be taking you up on that offer frequently". "As much as you want" you said taking her hand "i mean it Azula, even if it’s just for a few hours or a night, you’re always welcome with me". Azula stared at you and wondered again how she hadn’t realised she liked you before. It was so obvious to her now, she only hoped it wasn’t so obvious to you but judging by the fact she had a permanent blush this whole time she wasn’t too sure about that. Azula nodded "thank you y/n" and you smiled "no problem". You carried on looking at her before blushing at your close proximity and stepped away. "So i best be going but expect many letters". Azula chucked and you shrugged "what? I’m not kidding? I love writing letters, you will receive many from me, once a day if you’re lucky". Azula smiled "i promise to reply to every single one" and you grinned "you better". You started towards the door and stopped to look back at her. "I’ve really enjoyed our time together and I just wanted you to know...i think you’re pretty amazing”. Azula blushed "thank you....you’re also very good". You chuckled at her awkward reply and smiled "all i meant was, don’t let anyone tell you you’re not good enough, from where i’m standing...that’s not the case at all, in any way". Azula’s face turned an even deeper shade of red and you smiled. "Anyway i’ll go now, bye Azula". "Bye y/n" she managed and with a last smile you were gone. Azula immediately felt a pang of loneliness but then thought of what you’d do. She took a few deep breaths and repeated what you’d told her. She was good enough, she was more than good enough, she didn’t need to be insecure or cruel. She opened her eyes, let out a sigh and turned to her daily tasks. She'd see you again soon enough and only 13 hours until your promised daily letter, Azula could wait that long.

____

I absolutely love this idea of Azula finding someone she can be open and vulnerable with and might make this into a 3 part series??

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makingspiritualityreal · 3 years

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Numerology Life Path 7 - Your Birth Card and its Ruling Planet

Numerology Life Path Numbers and their assigned Tarot Card Meaning Series This is a post in my new astrology/numerology/tarot series, that only concerns you, if you are a Life Path 7. Posts on consecutive Life Path Numbers will follow. Originally, I wanted to do them all in one post, but my writing turned out to be so long, I decided to split the post and seperate the Life Path Numbers. The introduction part of the post will be the same for all Life Path Numbers, in case you only read a post about your own Life Path Number, and nothing else. Introduction The concept of a Birth Card links Tarot and Numerology together, in order to deepen our understanding of a vibration of a Life Path Number we are born with. The Birth Card, or rather Birth Cards, are Major Arcana Tarot Cards with assigned numbers, which correlate with Life Path Numbers. Understanding the meaning of tarot cards, mixed with the knowledge of Numerology Vibrations, helps create a more unique vision of your life experience. A person with any given Life Path Number, having several Major Arcana energies present in their lives, usually struggles with one of the energies more than the other. As a result, life will probably force them to focus on mastering one of these energies. In general, however, any Life Path describes both your biggest downfall and ultimate triumph - just like with an Astrology Chart, the highlighted numbers/astrology houses point to your biggest strengths and weaknesses. For a better understanding of this concept, visit my article “Natal Chart - A map of your issues?” Remember, that everyone, besides their Life Path Number and Birth Card also has a unique astrology chart. Thus, for some people embracing the higher expression of their energy is easier, for others it’s harder and it takes more time to master, and some energies become easier to deal with than others. Most human beings are somewhere in between, working on their path and having some achievements while struggling with difficulties at the same time. In the spiritual community, there are differences in opinion on linking Astrological Planets and positions to specific numerology numbers energies. My take is a result of my own personal experience, conversations with other people in my field and research, in order to give you the widest possible spectrum of ideas and increase the understanding of every Life Path Number. If you are a Master Number 11, 22 or 33, there will be a seperate post on how the Birth Cards apply to you as well. Even If you have only a basic understanding of Astrology, Tarot or Numerology, this post will still be helpful to you, because it describes the unique vibrational mix that comes from the expression of both these spiritual sciences mixed together. To calculate which Tarot Cards and what Life Path correspond to your birthday, click here.

Life Path 7 - The Chariot and The Tower

The energies of a Life Path 7 are ruled by the ephemeral, compassionate, wise vibrations of Ketu and Neptune. This can make it one of the most challenging Life Paths to navigate, as it requires a higher level of spiritual mastery and an ability to constantly assume a bigger picture perspective. That is a difficult thing to do in a world so highly revolving around materialistic concepts. Yet, if you are born with this Life Path Number, a certain free-spirited attitude and refusal to be sucked down into too many mundane details is something you need to develop within yourself.

Such a highly spiritual soul purpose associated with a Life Path 7 is due to Ketu being one of the primary rulers of this Life Path Number. Ketu, ruling detachment from the material realm, forces this life path to focus more on the energetic manifestation of their physicality instead of trying to navigate it through practical means. Ketu is also highly analytical, making this people excel at tasks, that require solitude, contemplation of abstract concepts and individual work. These people can make excellent writers or inspired researchers.

The other planet associated with a Life Path 7 is Neptune, the agent of universal, humanitarian compassion. That gives this Life Path a very loving, yet impersonal nature, where they express caring and kindness towards humanity and people in general, but may remain confused in one-on-one relationships. In this way, a Life Path 7 is a flip side of a Life Path 2, who thrives in intimate situations, but should open up more to group activities. A Life Path 7 naturally seeks out crowds, where they can occasionally show up and recharge on their need for a collective exchange of compassionate energy. Yet, in private situations, they can struggle to focus on their partner, open up or truly connect with another, as they are always absorbed in their own little world.

Because of Neptune being such a high vibrational planet and Ketu giving the ultimate higher-dimensional mastery, the spiritual consequences of wrongdoing for this life path are more severe than for others. These people need a moral compass, spiritually, the most of all life paths. In extreme cases, I have seen Life Path 7s fall prey to accidents and disease, if they succumbed to the temptation of their lower instincts.

Because of Neptune's influence on this Life Path there can be a significant difficulty in finding their way out in this material world, which can lead to poverty or other practical problems. If one neglects consulting their higher, intuitive nature and stays within the confines of the material, there may be an illusion of desire for a get rich quick scheme due to an innate lack of practical sense or ability to build without external help. These people, if they overfocus on the material realm, may get frustrated due to lack of dividends or practical rewards, or they may simply waste their resources away due to an internal feeling of emptiness and dissatisfaction. If they get overwhelmed with this conflicting energy and forget to search within, they may forget their true purpose altogether. Yet, because of the foggy energy surrounding this Life Path, they don't have the capacity to intellectually or physically fully power through their problems like other life paths do, and they shouldn't even try. The only solution is going with the flow of their natural spiritual direction. That is imperative, as breaking out of this flow causes poverty, debt, sickness, forced isolation and all sorts of trouble in the physical world. Material prosperity will only appear in this person's life proportionate to their level of spiritual prosperity.

Associated Tarot Cards point the way for a Life Path 7 towards assuming a successful direction in this incarnation.

The Tower - This card is the testing moment, when we lose everything that we are used to having around us. But the purpose of this loss is always in our highest good. This is why things fall away at a critical point in our lives, when the foundation is so corrupted it can no longer support itself. The Tower is actually a tool of keeping things in check spiritually, meaning then when things go too far down the wrong direction, the Universe balances it with a Tower moment in order to prevent an imbalanced energy from growing further. The Tower points to this Life Path's ability to discard the excessive burden of material illusions and continuously purge in order to make sure one remains "pure", spiritually, free of self-deception and in tune with one's inner guideline.

The Chariot - The Chariot is linked to Ketu's thoughtless manifestation, that this Life Path possesses. A Life Path 7, regardless of their spiritual inclination, needs a firm direction not to drown in their negativity. Even for this Life Path, their spiritual nature needs to have anchor in the physical world, that keeps them on track with their journey. That anchor is balance, that the Chariot card represents, the balance between their inner shadow and light. A mature Life Path 7 knows how to preserve that balance, and drive that carriage effortlessly.

A Life Path 7 should never choose an easy way out, as it will backfire for them more than for anyone else. Not only will it cause misery internally, but also externally people will mirror it to them and they will be disapproved of for their wrongdoings more than any other Life Path number. It is as if others subconsciously sense their higher nature and place expectations on them to act accordingly with it, so where other Life Paths might get a pass, this Life Path number will not. In reality, it is the Universe's tool to assure that these natives stay on their correct, spiritual path, and it is Life Path 7s themselves that have a high level of subconscious, spiritual analysis and self-judgment. As a result, any negativity that comes their way from the outside is a projection resulting from their own deeply rooted high spiritual expectations, and an internal disappointment, if they are not met.

The best advice a Life Path 7 can hear is that it will always pay off for them practically to be kind and preserve their spiritual integrity. It is essential for this Life Path to realise, that any lower energies they invite for short-term gain will immediately backfire, and deep down they are unhappy with themselves for making any wrong choices in the first place. Ketu has a perfectionist nature to it, and a Life Path 7, whether they realise it or not, has a deep level of internalised spiritual perfectionism. An unaware Life Path 7 can become judgmental, trying to hold others to this high standard that they carry internally, while refusing to face their own actions. This process is simply a mirrored expression of a desire, to reach that point of excellence by themselves.

If you are a Life Path 7, solitude is something essential to your well-being. Make sure your lifestyle allows you to make time for yourself. It is in isolation, away from the external noise that may unnecessarily cause you to project your spiritual desires on others, that you can work on yourself, find truth and connection to your ultimate power of deep, analytical understanding of this existence.

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romanceboys · 4 years

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(interview) w korea september issue 2020 — reptile

1. i was surprised to learn that this is your 13th year since debut. within a company, the years almost reflect the experience of a vice department head. that’s right. though there are things i’m seeing for the first time at this point, i think there’s a lot that has remained the same. shall i tell you something funny? early in the year, i transformed into my debut appearance from when i was 16 with a bowl haircut and had my picture taken. i put it up on instagram and as i watched my fans briefly mistake it for an old picture, i thought to myself ‘well at least my face hasn’t aged much yet.’ haha. 2. today, i get to meet one of the personalities i’ve been very curious about personally. how should i put it, you seem like a person who possesses a perfect narrative. oh my, thank you. 3. maturing steadily after debuting with shinee in middle school, you broke away from your image as the group’s youngest and instead donned the clothes of a solo musician. all 5 of your solo albums have been recorded as hits. now you are a member of superm that has gone global. even a narrative within a coming-of-age novel could not be as sturdy as this. when i look back on my life, i find it quite fascinating. i entered the company at the age of 13, and this year i turned 28. i’ve lived half of my life as a singer, i realise this when i think ‘i’ve run along the same path for a long time’. i think... i’ve been very greedy. it was through this greed that i was able to debut in a team called shinee, and consequently receive solo plans. once, producer lee sooman told me to bring him a recording of any pop song. wondering ‘what’s going on?’ i prepared for it and submitted, and soon after my solo album was released. thinking back, it must’ve been a test. i felt a sense of accomplishment in these things. that too very deeply, of course luck was on my side too. 4. a methodical company like sm couldn’t have proposed a solo career so lightly. there were a couple of tell-tale signs as far as i could tell. my singing parts were little during debut. after all taemin had the image of the one in charge of dancing. then my parts started to increase gradually, this could’ve been one of the signs. back in the day i used to stay back in the practice room till dawn. the employees working late would see me and the word probably went around. they must have felt sorry for me. a skinny boy practising by himself till dawn (laughs). 5. were you the type to stay back later than the rest in the practice room? i would go to the practice room as soon as we wrapped up our schedule. i’d practice till sunrise then return to the dorm and prepare for the next schedule immediately, i spent a long time doing this. 6. it was at the time of ‘sherlock’ in 2012 that your stage presence started to shine in shinee’s stages. thereafter, it seemed that you enjoyed your time on stage thoroughly. when did you begin to realise that only you were in command of your own stage? there were a couple of times... sherlock was one of them. sherlock was an album that came out when i was 20, right after becoming an adult, it was then my attitude towards performance changed. in those days i challenged myself to ‘not to do what was expected/fixed.’ usually our gestures at certain sections of the song are fixed beforehand, from sherlock onwards however i tried my hand at different things without reserve. it was my way of approaching the audience with sincerity, and my way of improving in the future. back then i would notice variations (in my performance) everyday when i monitored myself. 7. frankly, isn’t it difficult for someone to have made such a prominent leap? i think it might have been because of the long hiatus before sherlock. i was able to prepare well so my growth was likely more obvious when i stood on stage after a long time. how should i put it, my members were very stimulating for me. since the hyungs aren’t ordinary people (laughs). this is something i’m confident about, even if you say that most of the shinee members are main vocalists, none of us is inferior to the other, everyone is so talented. with these thoughts verbatim ‘i must survive in here,’ ‘i need to finish what i started,’ i practiced. i couldn’t not have made the leap with such stimulation and not to mention my greedy nature (laughs). spending time together with the members made me realise that we started to resemble each other in some aspects, thanks to them i was able to broaden my perspective and become aware of my undiscovered talents. 8. the prologue single ‘2 kids’ of your third album ‘never gonna dance again’ released in august. as i was listening to the song, i suddenly became curious about the lyricist and looked them up. my impression was that the language of the lyrics was raw and honest. the lyricist turned out to be you. my intention was to include everyday, colloquial speech. i’ve written poetic and abstract lyrics before, but while working on ‘2 kids’ i wanted the listeners to easily grasp the emotions at once. since i’ve released many songs like ‘danger’ with vivid concepts and sensual performances, i expected there to be some distance between me and the public. i found that i shouldn’t stray too far. in any case, i’m a pop singer. i thought to myself let’s meet the public halfway, and the result was the lyrics for ‘2 kids.’ it’s the brightest of all my title tracks (laughs). 9. i find two interesting points here. first, you are completely aware of your identity as a pop singer, second, to do that you work hard to keep close to the public. of course there are times when it doesn’t work out (laughs). for instance, when we’re deciding on the title track for a shinee album, my opinions always diverge from the members’. after listening to our fourth album title track ‘view,’ i said ‘no way, it can never be this!’ (laughs). what i’m after is, how shall i put it... there is a side to me that wants to experience things profoundly. for example, if i were to express love, instead of depicting it one-dimensionally, i’d prefer to do it maniacally. i like taking it one step further to appear twisted. 10. that’s amusing. it’s probably because i’ve seen your easy-going appearance on tv a lot, i would have never guessed for you to approach things ‘deeply’. profound people tend to be like that. ‘multi’ people are able to do several things at once, i can’t do that. i have to dig into things deeply at a time. that’s why when my members and i receive the same schedule notice, i’m the only one who always forgets it (laughs). 11. oho, this makes me curious about your taste in pop culture. i really like the british drama <black mirror>. i get hooked on the unusual. like mind-boggling things? i used to watch movies that weren’t popular because such movies are less likely to repeat contents that have already been consumed. but then i slowly began to enjoy light films as well. these days i leave a movie running in the background while i do other things. back when i would look for an independent film or thriller of my liking, i’d get extremely exhausted after watching it. they require so much focus that they sap my energy. 12. we were talking about lyrics but somehow ended up here (laughs). if you were given the opportunity to write lyrics again, what kind of story do you want the lyrics to convey? i like philosophical lyrics. for instance, a song called ‘soldier’ from my solo album deals with religious content, it varies from time to time of course but well if i were to write again... i think about this a lot these days. i want to change myself, i want to shake off my image uptil now and be reborn again. 13. why is that? i want a colour that is more concentrated and unique. as if i'm debuting again, i want to show something completely new that i had not before. 14. but aren’t your comebacks always novel? a musician like you who does diverse and experimental concepts is rare. is that so? sure the concepts are always new but... these days i think about how i want to change myself as a person from the very inside. instead of putting a facade on display, i have a thirst for wanting to show a more humane, genuine appearance. all humans experience moments of weakness and dysfunction. i think these moments definitely hold some beauty in them. the moment a person breaks down. it’s the only way one can get up and overcome difficulties again, i believe showing these sides of me, all of me, unabashedly is a path i need to walk as an artist now. 15. honestly, i’m excited for your third album because i heard this album reflects your ideas the most. what aspects of the production were different this time? firstly, i personally cast and liaised with the music video director. i thought it was important to work with the director one-on-one by keeping mediators to a minimum. through several meetings we mulled over every single thing like concept, outfit, hair and makeup. i offered my opinions too: ‘because i’m thinking of leaving a connecting link in the prologue, since there are two albums that would release following ‘2 kids,’ i want to drop certain keywords in the music video.’ fans usually call this a ‘bait’ (laughs). 16. the choreography stood out the most in the ‘2 kids’ music video. you weren’t simply moving to the rhythm, rather weren’t you moving your body guided by emotions? actually there were barely any plans to include dancing scenes. but i thought you never know so i quickly prepared a choreography the day before i left for paris. initially, i had a ‘dramatised’ (borrowing elements from drama) choreography in mind, but the director was expecting something modern. in the end, we expressed it well with a choreography that the director and i came up with after finding the perfect common ground. 17. personally i think a dramatised choreography would have been quite alright because ‘2 kids’ is a universal love song. i told the director i wanted to look miserable and pathetic through and through, like falling into a bottomless pit, wrecked, to be found waking up in the middle of the street, that would do too. why did i want to be that wrecked? i don’t know. there’s just a lot that exists within me. and i might have wanted to express that.... 18. with your first solo mini album <ace> you proved your grit as a solo musician to the public, and i believe your second album <move> reified your colour. i think taemin is a musician who doesn’t need to prove himself anymore. having reached this status, you’re releasing your next album <never gonna dance again>. did you ever think that this album could be it? rather, i hope that this album can be my ‘turning point.’ just as how it was during sherlock, i hope this time it changes my identity completely, as an individual and as a performer. people might like this album or find it mediocre, but i try not to care about these things now. 19. were you the type to stress over feedback? yes. because there are many people who are uncomfortable with change. but then i realised we’d never be able to free ourselves from within if we continued to be tied down. so now i’m trying to notice these things less. 20. have you ever had this thought? that looking back, the experimental has always revolved around you. as i said before, i think there is a lot of something within me (laughs). people have recognized that, there’s a lot i want to do. there is a greed for wanting to be different from others. it’s not that i want to ‘appear’ different but truly be different. 21. do you think there is an aspect of you that others can’t follow? i can’t seem to figure it out. i’m looking for it. however, my satisfaction level with myself tends to be low. and it’s something that has been guiding me till now. 22. what helps you recharge the most? i like lower-body bathing so much (laughs). as soon as i get into the bath, i automatically end up going ‘euu’ ‘aah.’ i soak my body completely, light up a scented candle, then let my body warm up like this. 23. while watching your vlog-like youtube content taem-log, i wondered ‘does he have an affinity for household goods?’ since the camera often captured your surroundings, i noticed pretty glasses and a colourful coffee machine adorning your cupboard. not at all. my mother did all of that (laughs). she’d say ‘this would suit taemin~’ then set it up prettily for display on the shelves. sometimes i do think i’d like to furnish my house with antiques if i were to move in the future. this is a bit funny but i find the houses in old horror movies so pretty. 24. i saw a bottle of moët & chandon in your refrigerator, is champagne your regular choice of alcohol? i rarely drink. i usually receive gifted alcohol quite a lot, it all goes to my father (laughs). my mother brought the moët & chandon and left it in there. i asked her to leave a pretty bottle in there at least for decoration purposes, so she probably brought it just for that? (laughs). 25. what kind of a person is 28-year-old taemin? i sort of want to set things ablaze. i want to put up a spectacular finale of the opening act. 26. how do you want to be remembered as a musician? as a great person. i say this knowing it sounds a bit grandiose but it’s my mission. 27. i can see it. the bigger you become the larger the impact you can have on society. i will become that person. so that many people can hear the message i want to convey.

translated by romanceboys — take out with full credit (source)

#shinee #taemin #p:taemin #w korea magazine september issue 2020 #interview #translations #e:never gonna dance again #enjoy!

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genshin-scenarios · 3 years

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By The Lantern's Light... (Xiao/OC)

A/N: Tysm to @windblumeodes for commissioning me 🥺🥺

this is an excerpt of the fic I wrote, centered around Xiao and her OC, Bedelia!

Wordcount: 1.7k

My commissions are still open! DM if interested + more info here!

Having moved to Liyue, Bedelia was reminded daily of just why she was so taken by the nation. Qingce Village was especially picturesque with a kind community, and when her vision sang for another adventure or story to pen down, she’d venture to other parts of the land to satiate that desire.

She felt spoiled to be able to wander through breathtaking plains and mountains as she wished, though perhaps this was a blessing from her homeland’s archon, who she'd like to imagine smiled upon the pursuit of such luxury.

Lantern Rite festivities were well underway; children played around the marketplace whilst foodies perused the stalls, new and old friends alike gathered to release lanterns and enjoy feasts.

The biggest finale, however, was scheduled for later tonight. Her neighbours insisted she venture here to witness it in all its glory, and so she did, booking a few nights at Wangshu Inn. It wasn't as lively there as in the main city, though it seemed that it was more than enough to deter a certain yaksha...

Bedelia had long left the bustling crowds in the city to search for a spot to watch the fireworks. It was earlier than needed, but she also wanted to walk off the food in her stomach and savor the quiet nature outside.

The grass underneath her feet crinkled softly as she made her way up. Bedelia was far enough from the city that it was quiet, save for the chirp of animals and random bursts of smaller fireworks. A nostalgic feeling hugged her shoulders like the ghost of a friend. Back in Mondstadt, she would wander out at night to watch the stars, a cloak and notebook in hand that made her feel the littlest bit like she was on an adventure.

She couldn’t help but smile to herself. Her life might not be the most eventful, but it was certainly far from a boring one; she’d make sure of that.

Bedelia encountered a few people in passing, finding stray lanterns that landed in the oddest places after someone or another released them. It occurred to her that social workers would have to clean them up eventually, earning a pang of pity in her chest. She looked up to notice one caught in the branches of a tree.

Considering that it wouldn't be any good for animals, she made to retrieve it from its precarious position. These must be bothersome too…

For reasons unknown, this made her think of Xiao. Perhaps he'd say this was why he didn't bother with human ways, calling them unfathomable and fickle. She could almost hear him saying it, arms crossed and all. The smile that crept onto Bedelia's lips turned a little regretful; it was too bad she never got to see him in the weeks leading up to today. The nation was celebrating a well-loved tradition after all, it would’ve been fun to talk to him about it.

Xiao must be busy…

Lost in her thoughts, Bedelia wandered around the bend of the mountain rather than continue to climb it. She'd eyed a taller point earlier as a potential viewing spot, however, a small break was in order. She grew used to the weight of the lantern in her arms and was now looking for a convenient place to leave it.

She noticed a chamber on the side of the mountain - a cave. It wasn't too large of a space, but it was enough to sport the traces of a campfire and adventurer supplies.

Bedelia almost dropped the lantern when something moved. Beneath the darkness was the gleam of golden eyes, she summoned her weapon instinctively, lowered into a cautious position when she realised…

Xiao?

"Wait- What the hell are you doing here?!" She sputtered. For what reason could Xiao have to rest in such a dark place in the middle of nowhere? "Even the fire isn't lit! I thought you were a panther or something!"

"There aren't any panthers in the area." Xiao paused. His polearm laid beside him where he sat. "You surprised me too, I didn't expect to see you here."

"You don't sound very surprised." Bedelia held her head in exasperation. Slowly, she picked her way into the cave and lit the leftover wood with her vision, sitting down near it.

Xiao swirled the fire with anemo, helping it burn. "I could hear your footsteps, it sounded human enough."

She didn't want to imagine what could've happened if he mistook her for a hilichurl. With the campfire burning, the cave danced in its light. Bedelia turned to reply only to freeze at the sight of Xiao; his skin was littered with remnants of battle, fresh and untreated.

"Did you just fight something?" Her eyes scanned for any serious wounds. "Do you need healing?"

"It's nothing." At Bedelia's unconvinced look, he lifted his arm to demonstrate that there was no difficulty. "Just the usual."

What's the extent of your usual? Her mouth pressed into a line. Xiao hadn't been around Wangshu Inn in weeks, meaning that he was busy warding off evil spirits. Did enough people notice the sacrifices he made for Liyue in the shadows?

"Were you going to release a lantern?"

Bedelia blinked, then followed his gaze to the item in question. She waved her hand as she answered. "Oh, this isn't mine. I found it while I was walking around, thought I’d pick it up since it landed awkwardly in a tree.”

Xiao sighed. “Those lanterns aren’t truly needed for an adeptus to hear your calls.” He took the curious look in Bedelia’s eyes as a sign to continue. “So long as you speak our names in prayer, or with enough will… It is possible it’ll stand out among the rest.”

“Does that mean you can normally sense it?” Her body leaned forward in interest. She’d heard of gods and beings that had this ability but never looked into it.

He pondered, making Bedelia wonder if he was listening to someone’s words as he glanced away. “I can’t speak for the others, but I can at least sense the strength of people’s prayers. Wishes for good health, hopes for a brighter future…” Xiao’s eyelashes fluttered close. “Sometimes they can be desperate, but it’s like a pool.”

“I see...” The words swam away in a whisper. “Have you ever heard my voice in that pool?” As quickly as she said it, Bedelia thought of another question. “Have any adepti contributed to it before?”

At that, he opened his eyes. Xiao was never easy to read, but it was even harder now when she’d said a bit too much; always stepped on the line, never more. Bedelia felt an odd twist in her chest at the idea that if she did cross over, Xiao might never be willing to see her again. So she backtracked, and straightened, with an uncharacteristic hurry in her voice. “Ah... I’m sorry, I didn’t mean... Please pretend I never said that.” Her hair curtained her from having to see his reaction as she lowered it in apology. “I forget, it’s hard to call us friends, right? Or maybe we are friends-- But it’s still not something I should’ve said.”

Bedelia stopped herself before she could ramble more, the words pouring out like a dam broke open. She scolded herself in her mind; what was she doing?

The sound of fireworks outside drew their attention, louder than before. Bedelia almost forgot her reason for coming here after having been distracted by Xiao.

It's a buildup to the Mingxiao Lantern's release, she thought. If she wanted to watch the show, she should get to a higher place quickly.

As if reading her mind, Xiao gestured for them to leave and guided her around the mountainside. They exchanged no more than a few words as he escorted her up, taking shortcuts and supporting her climb at trickier parts until they reached their destination - a peaceful spot graced with a singular qingxin bloom, and a clear view of Liyue Harbour from afar.

Bedelia did her best to calm her racing heartbeat and focus on the lanterns that dotted the city like fireflies. Like they had numerous times in the past, the pair sat and watched the scenery together in each other's company. Except this time, it was a view neither of them were too accustomed to.

Finally, Xiao broke the silence. "It's not unheard of for an adeptus to call the name of another." It struck Bedelia that his quietness was because he was considering what she'd asked. "But in my field, there's no one to call to other than myself."

Bedelia's throat dried at its transparency; he was the last yaksha. "I can't imagine how endless the pool must feel when you're the only one braving it…" Her eyes were downcast. How lonely… But I can’t offend him more by saying that.

Xiao picked the qingxin, studying the flower in his hand. "I'm used to it. It’s simply my job, there's nothing for you to be sorry about." He raised his gaze to catch hers; timeless and solitary, like an adeptus' should be, but clear. "It's not like you're the cause of demons."

He offered the qingxin to Bedelia, who accepted it with a smile curved with slight disbelief. "It's true what they say about the adepti’s benevolence." Should she be surprised at all? Xiao had always been… "Or perhaps it's just you that is too good for the world."

Xiao held her gaze, so earnest in her view that he could not bring himself to deflect it. Instead; "If you'd released a lantern, what would you have wished for?"

The launch of the Mingxiao Lantern interrupted them, booming and flaring to life like a thousand stars, though Xiao did not look away from Bedelia's lips as she answered, or the micro-expressions that flitted across her face.

He stored those words into the depths of his mind as he turned his attention to the Lantern Rite's finale. As he watched the likeness of an old friend gallop into the night, he wondered if his dreams would ever see the same path into the sky.

At the very least, Xiao was certain that Bedelia's would. For he knew she could shake the stars with her impossibly determined flames, and he'd make sure nothing could ever dare to extinguish it.

#genshin imagines #genshin oc #xiao x oc #gi xiao #writing commissions #commission complete #xiao genimp #traveler wishes

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towerofgod-blogposts · 3 years

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#486. S3 Ch.69: 52F - The Second Defensive Wall (3)

Naver Endnote: It's been a long time since we met. I'm sorry to the readers who have been waiting, it's awkward, it's happy, and it's very difficult. I've written and erased the author's endnote a few times over and over again. Then the story will start again gradually.． I look forward to your kind cooperation. Thank you for always reading.

Tower of God Returns 2021.05.16

Hello everyone, it's been a while. A little bit earlier than expected, Tower of God has come back. It's good to see you all again. ^^

Actually, I was thinking of starting working around the end of June and come back after that. Hmm... To tell you to truth, my body hasn't fully recovered like I wanted it to, but as I was going through tests in various fields and finding more problems, I realised that full recovery may be too far away, and much more unrealistic than I thought.

If this is going to be a problem as long as I continue Tower of God anyway, and if it is going to be impossible to fully recover from, I thought it’d be better if I start getting ready for my comeback sooner... haha It's weird, I know. Neither me nor those around me understand how that conclusion came to be, but anyway, I came back earlier than anticipated.

Some of the chapters I made earlier were too old so I redrew those, and there were also things I need to get ready for the come back, also starting work on the hard copies again, and on top of that, the preview (Korean fastpass) quota increased from 3 to 4 chapters, so I had to account for those as well. As such, since April or so, it’s been extremely hectic and busy. Now you’re probably wondering why I'm whining so much right after coming out of a year long hiatus, but this blog's entire point has always been me whining and complaining things that I can't on webtoon. Please understand. (since when...)

Actually, setting aside all those personal problems, when you are an author on hiatus, you always have a sense of feeling pent up in your heart, but when you start updating the series, you’ll also get a lot of difficulties doing so. It's difficult. As everything is changing around us in these times, I only have the utmost respect for my many peers, seniors, and juniors who draw webtoons.

Although I prepared a lot of different things, reducing downtime and trying to come back as soon as possible, I feel so sorry for you readers who’ve been waiting for such a long time. The fruits of my efforts may or may not be to your liking. The comic may no longer be the same as it was 10 years ago, and sometimes rather than going for the best I just want to draw a comic, but as an author, I just want to you guys to enjoy it after a long wait. That's what I think. Well, I can only be so greedy. But hardest thing about making a fun comic... it’s difficult for the author.

Anyway, I wrote another long post after my comeback. hahaha.

From now on, there’s a high chance I might not be able to write blog reviews every week like before. I’m thinking about making simple comments or posts on my other social media accounts. It's unfortunate, but due to multiple circumstances at play I think it's best that I reduce the channels I'm active on and focus on my work. I'll let you know once I’ve made the decision. ^^

Well then... I kept you guys waiting for a long time, but I’ll shamelessly ask you guys to enjoy my work once more I’ll stop writing now. Have a good night, and I'll see you with the next week's chapter.

For my readers, love you, stay healthy Thank you _ _

(10.30pm the chapter was released out of the blue. I didn't even know, got surprised, and wrote this article. haha)

(Thank you to Naver who has been patient with the hiatus and taking care of me)

Previous Chapter | Hiatus Post 4 | Next Chapter

#bamkhunrak sketches #siu life problems #naver #tog fans #tog comments #siu writing #blogposts #hiatus #coloured sketches

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klein-archive · 3 years

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Memories in feelings

8th June 2021

This will be my (Jane Milton’s) last blog post before handing over to the new Melanie Klein Trust archivist, Christine English. I know that Christine has already identified some very interesting archival material that she will be sharing on the blog - which I am certainly looking forward to reading.

So, to round off my always stimulating, fruitful time exploring the Klein archives (though I will continue to refer to them) here are some clinical notes I came across recently, which I hope will be thought-provoking.

Klein discusses what she calls ‘memories in feelings’ several times in the third and fourth volumes of her Writings. For example, an important footnote to page 180 of Envy and Gratitude reads:

All this [referring to early phantasies concerning the breast] is felt by the infant in much more primitive ways than language can express. When these pre-verbal emotions and phantasies are revived in the transference situation, they appear as ‘memories in feelings’, as I would call them, and are reconstructed and put into words with the help of the analyst. In the same way, words have to be used when we are reconstructing and describing other phenomena belonging to the early stages of development. In fact we cannot translate the language of the unconscious into consciousness without lending it words from our conscious realm (Klein 1957).

In archive file PP/KLE/D.11, I found a detailed and complicated example of a ‘memory in feeling’, together with Klein’s interpretations of and reflections on it, in the analysis of a man in his late forties, whom she calls ‘Mr X’.

In the second half of file D.11, Klein discusses the difficulties that the patient is having, in integrating feelings towards his parents with the analytic transference situation. The analyst is sometimes spared the complex and contradictory negative feelings felt towards the primary objects, while, at other times, the situation with the parents is idealised, and the analysis and analyst denigrated. The following material appears in the digitised collection as images 18, 20 and 22-28 (omitting some pages which are crossed out and do not appear to belong to the sequence):

---

I could give you many more instances of attitudes, which have all in common the attempt on the part of the patient to avoid a synthesis between the various aspects of figures and relations, which have come to focus on the analyst. The point here is that the synthesis, which the patient has not been able to establish sufficiently in the past is bound up in the various anxieties coming to the fore. The analyst is loved and hated, as other people in the patient’s life were earlier on, and the patient resorts to all sorts of defences and among them the process of splitting figures and situations, in order to avoid the relations that these various aspects represent, the various aspects of the mother and father. It is, therefore, our work to help him to experience again and again - and this is a slow process we know - the realisation, that he has only divided up, split his ego, his relations with people, and the people themselves, in the attempt to avoid conflict, anxiety and guilt. Our interpretations aim at synthesis, but the synthesis can only be achieved piecemeal, and again and again the patient has to be confronted with experiencing conflict and suffering, which he has tried to avoid in the past.

Re memories in feelings: (to George)

[George is a child Klein saw between the ages of 3 and 8, in the 1930s, who appears in two of the ‘restricted’ files B.39 and B.40]

This brings me to a point which applies to adults as well as to some extent to children. We know how important it is to revive in our patients[’] memories. We however also know that such memories can be extremely falsified. This is included in the concept of cover memories. So while it is beneficial to get as many memories as possible, it is in connection with emotions, desires, anxieties which partly led to these memories, and which these past experiences were connected with, that we have to understand any situation in the past as well as in the present. We should never rest content with just having past experiences as it were reconstructed in the analysis, because we must not treat them as it were as isolated events. Only if we are able to bring out the whole situation of feelings, anxieties, fitting into the development as a whole, we can feel that we have benefitted sufficiently from the revival of memories. Now there would probably be no difference of opinion on that point. I still think it is worthwhile mentioning, for there are stages of development of which we cannot get memories in the full sense of the word, expressed by words, and in the clear-cut way in which memories of a later stage may appear. And yet they are memories of feelings.

Refer back to Mary in this connection - reproducing the situation of the baby (lamb) with all the oral details attached to it [it is not clear to whom Klein is referring here]

A VERY EARLY MEMORY IN FEELING

Man Patient X (age: just under fifty) 8th February 1946

In identification with the little child who was teething and woke at night repeatedly crying, the father felt suddenly, having just woken from sleep, what an “awful thing was going on in the child”. He had a vision of something growing out of the soft mouth, flesh being contrasted here to something very hard like spikes which were somehow thrust on him (because by now he felt it happening to himself and not to the child) and being forced to push these spikes together. (this was shown by a gesture). And a terrible feeling how awful that must be. At this moment, when visualising the spikes coming together, he had a vision of these hard things outside him, and “death-head” was the next association to it. The feeling of grievance that he could not stop that happening, that this whole thing had been thrust on him, that something had made these spikes come out, and that he had no more control over these spikes because again something forced him to push these spikes together.

Now these feelings he found extremely difficult to put into words, while he was otherwise very vocal. It seemed as if they just could not be put into words. And he fully agreed when I suggested that this incapacity was due to the fact that such things may be felt but not thought of in words at a very early stage. The one stimulus for experiencing what quite obviously was a memory in feeling was the identification with the little daughter. Another is the transference situation at the moment.

In the preceding hour some guilt about leaving the responsibility all his life too much with other people, or rather a tendency towards that which was very much controlled, had come up. Facing that, a very high appreciation of the value of the analysis and the effects, and a feeling of unworthiness in having it, had become quite clear. A particular association was leaving the responsibility for sweets (tuck at school) with the mother. He would not take sweets with him after the holidays, but she should rather send them. They were packed into a tin, and there seemed something very wrong about that, an inexplicable feeling that it was not, as it were, her job to send them in a way which left some responsibility with her which she should not have. This had connected with feelings that however valuable the analysis might be, he does not make the best of it, or won’t do in the future.

My suggestion in the preceding hour had been that he would use the interpretations, and the analysis, in the wrong way, that he would not make the best of it. Now an association produced on the 7th was that after having left me, at the moment of going out of the room, he had suddenly had an association that in fact he would make use of the analysis in such a way that it would improve his earning capacity, and he disliked the thought that he would use it to make money.

Now there are here two trends of thought which became quite clear in the present hour: The good thing, the milk, the nipple, taken in would be changed into faeces and thus be completely destroyed – money making – bad purposes.

This is the way in which the nipple, and now my interpretations, would be treated while being taken in. The object would be destroyed, the “death head”, which himself felt was a later elaboration of what was felt dangerously destroyed in those early days, is the object- in this case me. Therefor the tin in which the sweets were packed is not only his inside in which he should not take the sweets, but it is more specifically the mouth and the teeth (the edges of the tin).

The very strong feeling that it was not his fault, because it was pushed, thrust on him, seems to connect with the nipple being pushed into him. And here the object itself becomes the teeth, a condensation of what is being done to the object and reflected in his attitude towards him. Also why was the nipple given to him? But there seemed to have been in fact at the very beginning of feeding great difficulties because the mother had been very ill, and X has a feeling- not supported by what he had heard- that for some time she could not have fed him. In his view, since she was so ill at his birth, some weeks could have elapsed before she could feed him. A view which seems rather phantastic when he was going over it in this hour, because what would have happened to the milk?

He had been told that his breast feeding otherwise had been normal up to about 8 months but with the strong feeling that to begin with there had been a long gap, a very long time before he started on it. The present impression was that he might have had very great difficulties in taking the nipple, perhaps because of a break in the beginning or perhaps because of fears, as the mother, who was on the whole affectionate and patient, was apt to be erratic and if things did not go well, impatient. The possibility appears that if at the beginning of the feeding there had been difficulties due to starting a little too late with the breast being given and to his difficulties, she might have been impatient and thrust the nipple into his mouth.

Very fundamental attitudes seem to be connected with this. Incapacity to make use of very great gifts in him, of choosing, or trying to get the best thing, to make use of opportunities – against that in the same way a tendency to thrust responsibility on to others which was in fact not carried out. A very strong drive to get the best opportunities and also to make use of them, but with a constant conflict over these two attitudes which no doubt had to some extent a paralysing effect.

An interesting point is the vision of the “death head” in front of the mouth, outside. It seems to show so closely the process of the object still outside and at the same time already internalised and again externalised – on the boundary. As well as the actual external object, the nipple, changed into this destroyed object.

Memories in feelings are not an unknown fact. But this should be put versus what is called “memories”. I find them in such ways also with adults, that the whole situation becomes alive. All this shows in attitudes and is connected with the transference situation.

--------------------------

References:

Klein, Melanie (1957) Envy and Gratitude. In Envy and Gratitude and Other Works, The Writings of Melanie Klein Volume III. London: Hogarth 1975.

#melanie klein #psychoanalysis #memory #transference #child development #internal objects #good breast #internal conflict #ambivalence

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fandom-necromancer · 4 years

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957. Hey–I’m perfectly average height for my age, thank you very much. You’re the one who’s freakishly tall!

This was prompted by the wonderful @smolandangry001! Being one of the “vertically challenged” myself this was super fun to write! Thank you and Enjoy!

Fandom: Detroit become human | Ship: Reed900

When Gavin had been partnered up with an android, he had thought those simple facts would be all he had to be pissed about. He would get a partner. His partner would be an android. It was already too much in his opinion as he had always worked alone, and he hated androids. Fine, he had only ever really met Connor, but that was enough to prove it. He would need time and a lot of patience to accept both of these facts and get back to his regular work schedule. It would be manageable.

But when he finally stood in that Office and met his new android partner, he realised with a start, that life wanted to phck him over for real: This particular android was built like a phcking skyscraper. Connor was tall, fine, but Gavin had never had to work with him up close and his neck already ached when he thought about having to establish eye contact. His only hope was that as androids were simply designed to be a certain height, maybe he wouldn’t have to suffer through the same jokes he had heard throughout his whole life until he had kicked those people into the spots, he could reach perfectly fine.

Working with the android was okay. The expected difficulties were met and after two months they finally managed to work together without discussions turning to arguments and hopefully just shouting matches. Although in the beginning it hadn’t been uncommon for them to throw hands, too. Gavin hadn’t ended up unconsciously drooling on the floor of the evidence room again, but he had ended up pinned against some walls by the damn terminator a few times. And that… did a few things to him he would rather not think about too much.

Nowadays it was just mindless bickering though. If one of them made some minor mistakes he wouldn’t hear the end of it from the other, they would tease each other and call each other names, but it never escalated into more than them not speaking to each other. Unfortunately, at this stage, the toaster suddenly got to know that making fun of Gavin’s height was fair game and oftentimes left the human without a clever comeback. It was also Nines way of making the other break his stubborn silence after an argument, because Gavin never ever let the android get away with it.

Once they hadn’t spoken for three days, because they disagreed on whether their suspect was a human or an android and Nines breached their silence by pouring water over his head “because maybe that would finally make him grow”. Obviously, Gavin had chased that damn android through the bullpen and punching him right into the regulator, earning a disciplinary from Fowler and just a chuckle from Nines himself.

Another occasion had been at the festivities for the anniversary of the end of the android revolution. Nines had wanted to attend some, but not with Connor. Gavin had refused to go with him, for reasons he hadn’t told Nines. He had made up some things about him being anti android and had pushed out some crude jokes for further emphasis, not knowing how much that would infuriate Nines. This time Gavin had given in and told Nines how he really felt, that he didn’t want to go, because back then he had hoped all androids to be eradicated because of that stupid virus, so all humans would get their jobs back. It had felt wrong to celebrate something that wouldn’t have happened had he been in charge. He had apologised – in earnest, something he had thought would never happen – to the android and told him he was actually proud to be considered a friend by an android like him. And that he would accompany the tin-can to these stupid festivities. Of course, that all had been too much niceness and honest talk about emotions to come from Gavin Asshole Reed, so he added: ‘Don’t flatter yourself too much, I only look up to you because I’m short. That had been met by a little smile and was enough to mend their relationship.

Acknowledging Gavin being vertically challenged had been reserved to these situations only. Until now. The Detective was working on a report, reading it over one final time, until his neck itched, and he finally noticed Nines stood behind him. Too near for comfort, but apparently just looking at his screen. Effortlessly. Just over his head. It made him absolutely furious, of course. ‘Do you need something, tin-can?’ ‘Hmmm. No.’ ‘Then why are you looming like this?’ ‘I thought you might need help looking this over. This is easy due to your… shortness. You missed a comma in line 35.’ ‘Thanks, I- Hey! I’m perfectly average height for my age, thank you very much. You’re the one who’s freakishly tall!’ ‘I mean… you are quite short.’ ‘Okay, fine, maybe I am, but that doesn’t mean everyone has to make their jokes about it, it’s just genetics and I can’t change that! It just pisses me off!’ Okay, maybe it didn’t only piss him off, how Nines was leaning over him, how they both were at the perfect height for- Goddamnit, Gavin, focus! ‘I’m sorry. But I don’t think being short is a bad thing.’ ‘Try getting something from the top-shelves then.’ ‘I heard somewhere that we all grow until we are perfect. Maybe you already reached that?’ ‘Smooth mother- What the hell tin-can, you malfunctioning or something?’ ‘Maybe I’m just experiencing a “cuteness overload”?’ Gavin couldn’t believe his ears, but his face betrayed him by blushing. ‘May I try something, Detective?’ The human’s brain had deactivated long ago - maybe at the word perfect, who knew – but he nodded on autopilot. Nines used his frozen state to come even closer and hug him from behind, resting his chin on his head. Gavin could feel the low rumble from his throat, as the android hummed contently: ‘Perfect height for that.’

And Gavin relaxed. He couldn’t protest against that and found he wouldn’t even if he could. Because this felt nice and maybe, what that android had started there wouldn’t end bad after all.

#detroit become human #dbh #Reed900 #Gavin Reed #RK900 #honestly there are so many short people jokes aaaa #I think I heard them all #Funny story I started school as the second tallest and then ended it as the second smallest #I think I simply stopped growing #But now studying biology there are 90% women and now at least I'm average I guess #I have this thing where when I meet someone who is smaller than me I go into 100% protective mode like I would do everything for them #And you bet your ass I headcannon Nines this way #Just - sees Gavin acknowledges he is smaller as he is #but so is everyone #but he has never seen a tinier man at this age so he is just like #He is mine now I have to protect him and get the last package of toilet paper for him from the top shelf #(Guess what happened to me today XD)

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vampiregirl1797 · 4 years

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Hopeless: Chapter Twelve

Klaus Mikaelson x OC

GIF Not Mine

Click Here For Masterlist

1492

The first thing I registered when I woke was the smell of burning. The smell of scorched flesh. Evangeline’s face flashed through my mind and forced my body off the couch before I even thought about standing. For five hundred years, since becoming a vampire, I had never had difficulty with something as simple as walking. But in that moment, my legs felt like led, unwilling to carry me over to the ashes that lay ten feet away from the entrance. I didn’t remember falling to my knees, I felt the tears falling from my eyes without permission, but the only thing I could focus on completely was the gaping hole in my chest. My heart head been ripped out—she had taken it with her—and left behind was an empty chasm that ached as a reminder of what I had lost.

My hands clenched unwittingly and I felt a small sting of metal in my palm. Opening my right hand I saw her daylight ring. She must have put it into my hand before she… left. I held it tighter for a moment before sliding it onto my little finger. It got stuck halfway down, but all that mattered was that it stayed there—it was one of the few reminders of her that I had left.

‘Niklaus? What has happened?’ Elijah’s voice broke through the haze I had fallen into, long enough to commandeer my gaze to him.

‘Evangeline—she is dead.’ My voice sounded hollow. Broken.

The elder Mikaelson’s brow furrowed in confusion and concern, but I didn’t acknowledge either emotion. My expression hardened, my jaw ground together in determination and I stood, allowing my anger at the entire situation to take over—falling back on anger was after all what I was best at. But before I could speak a word, Elijah’s hand landed on my shoulder, bringing me into his embrace. He hugged me firmly and with purpose.

‘I’m sorry brother. Truly.’ He murmured, and that was all it took for the tears to return.

Telling Elijah the truth hadn’t been a part of the plan. Mainly because I didn’t think he would approve of me compelling the doppelgänger. But as we took a carriage to our next destination—we had left with haste that Elijah hadn’t understood until I explained it to him—he listened, without expression or interruption. When I had finished, I hadn’t been able to meet his gaze. For the first time in a long time, I felt like a boy seeking approval from the only brother I had ever looked up to. Another aspect that had returned with my personality. I cared about what Elijah thought. I was worried that he wouldn’t approve. And while his lack of support wouldn’t stop me, it had the potential to hurt me.

‘Brother, I made a promise to you a long time ago, that I would stand by you always and forever. That promise was made before you became a man I didn’t recognise as my brother, and yet I continued to uphold it because a shadow of the man that used to be my comrade, I believed, to be better than no brother at all.’ Elijah paused, his gaze had been focused on the passing scenery, but now it returned to me, ‘the entrance of Evangeline in our lives was sudden, and while I myself didn’t get to know her incredibly well, I did notice how she bought out something in you that I had believed to be decimated—your humanity.’

My fingers found the ring on my little finger and began twisting it gently. If my heart were still beating, it would have been pounding in that moment.

‘In a matter of weeks, she saw and accepted the darkest parts of you. She helped you recognise that you needn’t be ashamed of your werewolf lineage, something you have been disconcerted about since we learned of our mother’s dalliances with a werewolf and forced a part of you into dormancy.’ A small smile played on his lips as he once again grasped my shoulder, ‘and now here you sit, choosing to be truthful with me, despite your obvious fear that I will not approve and aid you.’

‘Will you assist me, brother?’ I murmured, keeping my voice low.

‘Will I help you hide that you’ve broken your curse? Will I leave Katarina believing she evaded you? I finally have back the brother I remember from all those years ago, and I’m not going to let the reason for that be jeopardised.’ Elijah’s hand lifted to slap my shoulder once before he held it out to me, smiling at the surprise and appreciation on my face, ‘always and forever brother.’

Our hands met and clasped together, bringing us closer as we patted each other’s backs.

‘Always and forever.’ I murmured, pulling back and offering Elijah a genuine smile, ‘thank you, brother.’

He didn’t verbally respond, but he didn’t need to. He had said all he needed to reassure me of his loyalty, of our vow. So we fell back into comfortable silence as Evangeline’s face invaded my mind.

1919, New Orleans

It had been my idea. To lure him here, to the town we’d built, the town we had prepared for war. I had first thought of it when we’d managed to establish a treaty between the species. With witches, werewolves and vampires willing to work together, we had ourselves quite the army. Something Mikael couldn’t be prepared for. Surprisingly, it hadn’t taken a lot to convince Elijah, Rebekah and Kol that it was time that we fought and stopped running.

All of us wanted our lives back. Although my main priority was assuring that Mikael was gone before Evangeline was born. I had plenty of enemies already, mostly from before I had met the elder Gilbert—since she had left I’d been careful not to acquire anymore unless absolutely necessary—and I didn’t want Mikael to be alive when she eventually came back into my life.

Elijah was the only one who wasn’t surprised with my newfound restraint, but that was because he was the only one who knew about her—we’d decided that keeping it to ourselves for the time being was for the best. Which led to us uniting to defeat our father. We lured him to New Orleans with a witch and a photograph of us at the grand opening of New Orleans’ Opera house. After that we prepared extensively. Everyone trained within their factions everyday, with an original being present within each to give an idea of what strength they would be facing. Everyone—human and supernatural—ingested vervain to avoid compulsion. A witch placed a boundary around the city limits that would immediately alert us to his arrival—she had to use a knife that had belonged to him that Rebekah had stolen when we were children, but we were assured it would work.

Of course, what none of us had anticipated was how close the preparations made us. Kol felt included in the family that Rebekah, Elijah and I had never intentionally meant to seclude him from. He seemed lighter—he no longer killed meaninglessly as he didn’t need to use high body counts to draw our attention. Rebekah found love with Marcellus and despite my lack of violence with her past few dalliances before him, she was nervous to tell me. I assured them both I was happy if they were happy—a reaction that had her beaming with delight and I hated that I’d ever reacted in a way that generated a different response. Elijah was happier, as anyone who knew him well would have been able to tell. His expression usually remained sombre, but occasionally a smile would appear when he saw the way we interacted without hate, deception or malice. But most of the time, his joy could be seen in his eyes—before they were often bleak as he observed his siblings regressing to an inhumane state—while now, his eyes often twinkled with mirth and uncontained contentedness.

All of us worked to maintain this new relationship. Kol confessed to trying to create a gold dagger to use against me—this was before we’d begun to mend our relationship—and as soon as we were on the right track, he handed over the diamond he’d intended to use. I’d embraced him and offered my gratitude to him for not going through with it, along with a promise to give up the daggers as soon as Mikael had been dealt with. All siblings had been shocked at that—but I’d seen how important the bond we had created was. I had seen the importance of family.

I managed to keep the secret of my broken curse hidden with a repression spell that a witch had placed on a ring for me. It meant that when I wore it, I appeared as a vampire, and I rarely removed it because it was vital that no one knew. As much as I wanted to tell them, I refrained because telling them about it would mean explaining why it needed to be a secret, and I’d rather do that when Mikael was dead.

The night we had come together to destroy our father, we reaffirmed our pact of always and forever in the Mikaelson compound. It hadn’t been easy—the wolves and vampires corralled him to the centre of the City. This was where the witches waited with an incapacitation spell that held him long enough for me to drive the White Oak stake he’d planned to use on me through his heart. While everyone cheered for his demise, my siblings and I watched him burn with uncontrollable relief.

‘It’s over, Nik.’ Bekah murmured, winding her hand around my waist while my arm fell over her shoulders.

Elijah placed a comforting hand on Kol’s shoulder and we all fell into silence, revelling in the freedom that was finally ours.

1947 Paris, France.

The first time I heard it was in the streets. It was a girl humming. I’d stopped, ignoring the people bumping into my back and violently swearing at me in French as I frantically glanced around, trying to locate where the sound was coming from.

‘What is it brother?’ Kol had asked, his brow furrowed in confusion.

‘That song. Did you hear someone humming it?’ I said, still looking around, my hearing focused, but I couldn’t hear anything anymore.

‘I don’t hear anyone humming.’ Kol told me, his eyes clouding with the same look that overcame him whenever he realised I was remembering something about her—he and my siblings empathised with me as much as they could.

I appreciated their concern and their attempts to understand, but they couldn’t, at least not completely. The circumstances were incredibly specific and therefore, hard to comprehend entirely.

I sighed, defeated, and continued walking. Kol and I were in Paris to meet Marcel and Rebekah—they were celebrating their 28th wedding anniversary and they’d invited us over after they’d been here for a month. They wanted time to enjoy themselves without interruption before we made it a family vacation. Which was something we made a point to do a couple of times a year—since the defeat of Mikael we ran New Orleans, and sometimes we needed time to be a family without the pressures of running the city weighing us down. We had trusted second in commands, of course, and we could be contacted in the case of severe emergency. Elijah was set to arrive tomorrow—he wanted to assure that the newly turned vampires weren’t a problem. Logically he knew our second’s in command could handle it, but the elder Mikaelson was overly cautious.

‘Come on, brother, you mustn’t mope. You’ve lasted this long. What’s a few more decades?’ Kol’s arm wound around my shoulders for a moment and squeezed before falling back to his side.

I offered him a tight smile, trying to ignore the hollow feeling in my chest. The feeling was always there, of course, but when something reminded me of her and caught me off guard, the pain was much worse. Kol was right. What were a few more decades?

1990, Mystic Falls, Virginia

I had known that this was the year she would be born, but I hadn’t known what day exactly. My sources were told to keep an eye out for any children born with her name, and just as I was getting restless, just as my paranoid mind was telling me that something had gone wrong with the time travel, I got a call on October 15th. She was born at 5:27am, weighing 7lb 2oz. As much as I wanted to see her, to see the baby that would grow into the woman who would fall in love with me, and I her, I stopped myself. I couldn’t risk doing anything that would jeopardise her future, not when I’d lasted so long. So, after thanking my contact, I hung up my phone and went to my art room, painting a portrait of her whilst listening to the song I’d come to associate with her, when I’d properly heard it all those years ago, first from her lips, and then the voice of Édith Piaf.

Quand il me prend dans ses bras

Il me parle tout bas

Je vois la vie en rose

Il me dit des mots d'amour

Des mots de tous les jours

Et ça me fait quelque chose

When he takes me in his arms

He whispers to me

I see life in pink

He tell me love words

Everyday words

And it does something to me.

2011, New Orleans, Louisiana.

‘Niklaus.’ Elijah’s urgent voice commandeered my attention away from the book I was reading.

‘What is it?’ I asked, lazily closing my book and trying not to let my concern show.

‘It’s time.’

Those two words had me standing from my seat without conscious thought. I knew we were getting close, of course I did, but I’d had to force myself to stop obsessing decades ago, in order to maintain some semblance of sanity.

‘The contacts on her have witnessed the loss of her locket and the new daylight ring she has had to acquire.’ He said, his eyes reflecting his happiness for me.

‘I—I’ I stuttered, suddenly at a loss for words, and a loss for what to do.

Of course I wanted to go to her—I’d been waiting for this moment for six centuries, but I also wanted Evangeline to want to come to me. I didn’t want to just show up in her life and make her feel like she didn’t have an escape, a freedom to choose her own path. I believed that she loved me then, I knew she did, but I owed it to her to give her time to decide if she wanted me in her life now.

Slowly, I sat back down, my head bowed and my hands running through my hair as I came to terms with my decision. I was going to give her some time, but could I do that with the issues that were occurring in Mystic Falls in that moment? The biggest one was Katherine. While Evangeline would have returned to the date she originally disappeared, the time line would have stretched out a little. Originally at this point, Stefan and I would be hunting werewolves, I would believe her sister to be dead, and her aunt would have died for my ritual. However, as I hadn’t arrived in town yet, Katherine was still lurking and planting seeds of fear about the big bad Klaus Mikaelson who wanted to break his curse. I didn’t want to remove the compulsion encase Katherine tried to kill Evangeline as revenge, and I didn’t want to kill Katherine both due to the suspicions it would raise and because I was certain Elijah still had some semblance of feelings for her. I would just have to wait; no harm should come to them, as they believed me to be the impending danger. The only one who would know that wasn’t true was Evangeline.

I’d waited all this time, what was a little more?

#klaus mikaelson #klaus mikaelson imagine #Klaus Mikaelson x OC #the originals #the vampire diaries

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karate121 · 6 months

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Karate The Way to Power and Self-Control

Introduction

Few things in our world of many different physical and mental disciplines can compare to the tried-and-true blend of discipline and strength that Karate provides. Karate is more than simply a fighting style it's a way of life that mould your character and your physical prowess.

Learning Karate is an exhilarating experience, regardless of experience level. Join us as we explore the world of karate and discover why it's considered one of the best martial arts forms.

The Way of Karate

The Japanese martial art of karate means "empty hand," highlighting the practise of using one's own body as a weapon. This age-old discipline is renowned for its strong blows, exact methods, and steadfast concentration. Karate is really about improving oneself—both mentally and physically—rather than just beating an opponent. You will travel a route of self-awareness, self-control, and self-assurance on this adventure.

Power Not Just Physical

When discussing Karate, strength is not limited to its physical components. Of course, you will get amazing physical power, but Karate is much more than that. It develops resilience, endurance, and mental toughness.

The intense exercise improves your focus, persistence, and capacity for composure under duress. When you practise karate, you'll find that your own limitations and self-doubt are frequently your worst adversaries.

Online Education: The Key to Success

Online learning has completely changed how we study and develop in the current day. Karate is no different. The greatest Karate classes are now available as online courses, which makes it simpler for people of all ages to start this life-changing adventure.

You may learn at your own speed from the convenience of your home with online classes. You can locate the ideal course that works with your schedule whether you're a student, a working professional, or a stay-at-home mom.

Why Take Karate Classes Online?

Expert Teachers: Experienced teachers who have mastered karate and know how to teach it well lead online karate lessons. They offer insightful advice, constructive criticism, and encouragement to help you advance.

Convenience: You can practise at a time and location that works for you when you learn karate online. You can train in your living room instead of commuting to a physical dojo.

Comprehensive Curriculum: From fundamentals to advanced forms, the finest online karate classes provide a curriculum that covers every facet of the discipline.

Progress tracking: To help you recognize where you still need to improve and how far you've come, many online courses offer tools for tracking your progress.

Community: Online karate groups give practitioners a place to communicate, exchange stories, and motivate one another.

Self-Awareness and Self-Restraint

The importance of karate goes beyond its health benefits. It's a voyage of discipline and self-discovery. You learn respect from the art for yourself, your peers, and your teachers.

When you realise that you are constantly learning and can always do better, it instills humility. Karate teaches you to utilize your power without losing your composure, emphasizing the value of self-control.

The Arsenal in Mind

Karate is frequently likened to the strategic execution of every move and technique in a game of chess. You will learn to hone your cerebral as well as your physical talents in the online Karate training. Your mental armoury of determination, focus, and patience gets you ready for both the difficulties of the dojo and the real world.

Self-assurance and Initiative

You will notice a shift in your confidence as you advance in your Karate training. You will be empowered in every aspect of your life by your acquired discipline and self-defense skills. You learn to face obstacles head-on in karate with a composed, self-assured attitude.

A Lifetime Experience

Karate is a lifetime endeavour rather than a fast remedy. It's about learning new skills, accomplishing objectives, and transferring knowledge to the following generation. The top online karate schools make sure you get the advice and encouragement you need to start this amazing adventure. Starting with the fundamentals, you'll work your way up to increasingly difficult levels while developing your character, strength, and discipline.

In short

Karate is more than just a fighting style it's a path to power, self-control, and self-awareness. Thanks to the convenience of online learning, everyone can now access the best karate classes, regardless of location or schedule. If you're looking for a transformative experience that will enhance both your physical abilities and character, karate is a fantastic choice. So why hold off? Set off on this adventure right now to realise your full potential. The first step towards gaining strength and discipline is to click on a button.

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i-write-and-therefore-i-am · 4 years

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One Monstrous Miracle (Part Three)

Wazzup? I have been hit with the inspiration bug and I felt drawn to work on this story while I have all this fun isolation time. I’m not sure if I’ve mentioned this before but I have this story all mapped out, so don’t be afraid of it being abandoned. I’m gonna finish this baby if it’s the last thing I do! As always, I’m self-conscious of this chapter, especially with characterization but please do let me know how you feel about it! I had fun writing it, and I hope you have fun reading it! (Forgive any mistakes you see, I am only babey).

Previous-Next-First

Pairing: Aziraphale/Human

Summary: More barging in, some tenderness, some threatening. All in a day’s work.

Warnings: This got SIGNIFICANTLY longer than other parts, so forgive me. There’s more cursing, but I think I’m just gonna have to resign myself to the fact that this is who I am now.

Word Count: 2,889

Men are stupid. It is a lesson that every person that considered themselves attracted to men learns at some point in their life, and it was a lesson that you had apparently forgotten. You had let yourself get pulled in by the promise of exquisite, centuries-old books and now you were paying for it.

You had assumed post-breakup position: laying across your sofa in your old, but still very fluffy pyjamas, a carton of ice cream on your lap with the sound of crap telly playing in the background. You weren’t even paying attention to what was happening on screen, but you knew that the alternative was to sit in silence until it was time for work, and you didn’t know how much of that you could take.

You couldn’t understand what exactly your problem was. Aziraphale hadn’t really done anything wrong, had he? He had been the perfect gentleman from the moment you had met him and yet something in you felt…betrayed. The thought of how angry Aziraphale had gotten, the crashing sound that had come from his sitting room window, the memory of the rage in his eyes frightened you. This man who had lovingly repaired priceless works of literature, who had patiently sat and enthusiastically listened to you rant about all the things that had happened to you over the course of the day, who had somehow remembered every single one of your favourite dishes and had cooked them all himself just because he had wanted to had transformed in front of your eyes. He’d become something terrible and dangerous, and that was your problem. The switch had been too much for you, and your fear had turned into hurt.

It was ridiculous, really. You knew that it was, but that didn’t stop you from avoiding the familiar little bookshop from then on. Partly out of residual confusion and dismay at what had happened, but mostly out of an overwhelming sense shame at how poorly you had dealt with the situation. You’d run away sobbing as though Aziraphale had hit you, when all he had done was defend you fiercely to someone who seemed to be an important figure in his life. No, you wouldn’t be stepping foot near the shop anytime soon if you had anything to do about it.

Unfortunately for you, you had a great less “anything” to do with it than you thought you had.

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It had been another long day. You enjoyed your new promotion and you were eternally grateful that you had gotten it in the first place, but it came with a truckload of new responsibilities that left you singularly exhausted on the bus ride home that evening. In your efforts to avoid Aziraphale at all costs, you had recently taken to riding the bus again, much to your wallet’s chagrin. Again, the foolishness of your actions was not lost on you, but you just couldn’t bring yourself to grow up.

The bus came to a stop and you followed the stream of tourists out onto the pavement. You felt almost like you were in a daze, mechanically turning and walking towards your apartment. Your eyes seemed to see through everything, out of focus and not really paying attention to what was going on around you. Distantly, you noticed that the air had begun to smell faintly of vanilla, like the nearby bakery was baking a wedding cake. In your tired state, you had forgotten that that particular bakery would have been closed long before you had even stepped foot on the bus earlier. Your neighbourhood was not a particularly dangerous one, but it was never smart for a young person to be out so close to dark without being at least somewhat aware of their surroundings. Though you couldn’t have known this, every potential mugger, or killer, or other type of criminal suddenly remembered something urgent that needed tending to on the other side of the city. Speeding motorists found their gas petals to be a tad bit wonky, keeping their vehicles moving along at well under the speed limits. Streetlamps that had long been neglected by the council clicked on, lighting your way home. Just for shits and giggles, for no reason at all (except for one very good reason that you were not at all privy to and were unlikely to be in your lifetime), you lifted your head and turned to look across the street.

Your heart skipped a beat. It was him! It had to be. He was standing in the middle of a group of people, none of them particularly interesting in anyway, so his shockingly white curls and light brown coat stood out like a sore thumb. Your heart beat wildly in your chest. It had been so long since you had seen the man, and the ache you felt as you tried to get a better view of him was almost too much to bear. Unbidden, your arm began to raise itself and his name flew to the tip of your tongue, but before you knew it, he was gone.

You thought about the incident all the way to your building and up the stairs to your flat. You had half a mind to call Aziraphale and demand to know why he was hanging about on Dean Street not ten minutes ago, and where the hell had he gone between the two seconds it had taken you to decide to call out to him and the moment you’d realised he was no longer there. You decided, thankfully, that you probably weren’t going to come at it from the right angle, especially not over the phone, and that you’d be better off continuing as you were. You put your keys and purse down and hung up your coat, thinking about dinner but unable to keep the memory of Aziraphale’s kind smile out of your mind.

You cooked yourself some pasta, not in the mood for a proper meal. You loved cooking, you really did, but it didn’t seem to have the same… ‘umph!’ to it that it had before this whole fiasco with Aziraphale. You had turned on the television so that you could have a bit of background noise while you worked and let yourself focus on the familiar rituals of boiling and straining and stirring. Before long, you had a plate of your favourite pasta along side a glass (a rather full one, mind you,) of your favourite wine. All was well.

Your serenity was interrupted by loud pounding at your door, as if someone were trying to knock the whole bloody thing down. You jumped, nearly spilling your wine all over your face, but you saved yourself at the last minute. Furiously (gingerly) putting the glass down on your kitchen table, you stood up from your chair, intending on giving whoever was on the other side of that door a piece of your mind. Apparently, you weren’t moving quite fast enough for them, because they knocked again, and you swore you could hear the hinges give a little and the force they were being put under. You stomped over to the door, unlocked it, wrenched it open to find—

“What the fuck?” It was Aziraphale’s angry friend. He stood right outside your door, smirking at you like the little shit he probably was. Your brain paused, hit rewind, and started again. You remembered the incident in Aziraphale’s living room and you tensed, preparing yourself for a deluge of indeterminate nonsense about you being mortal? And that somehow being a problem? He was just as unnerving as he had been when you had first seen him, still swaying, still upending the Universe. The real question of the hour was—

“How do you know where I live?!” You screeched, attempting to shut the door in his face, only to be met with his arm. He smirked and advanced on you, forcing you to walk backwards into your own flat. You looked around desperately and saw a hardcover textbook that you had been using to refresh some technique for work. You grabbed it and pointed it towards him, trying to look threatening. The man reached his hand out and you backed away.

“Don’t! Don’t come any closer!” Crowley stopped moving forward, but he didn’t look the least bothered by your performance. He chuckled, leaning against the door frame.

“Well I was going to introduce myself, but it seems you remember me. Let’s put a name to the face, shall we? My name is Crowley and I understand that I may be…how do you say, fit a f? I am sorry, love but you aren’t quite my type.” He finished by making a show of looking you up and down, which only fuelled your annoyance.

“Answer my question! How do you know where I live? Why are you even here?!”

“I’m afraid that was two questions, which one—”

“ANSWER THE DAMN QUESTIONS!” You demanded. Crowley frowned behind his pitch-black sunglasses (which he wore inside, hours after the sun had set) and seemed to grow more serious.

“I—that’s not how I was supposed to start this. Force of habit, you know, it gets the best of us all.” You didn’t respond, waiting for this strange man who had barged into your life on two separate occasions and had brought you nothing but irritation to explain himself.

“See it’s…I…you are—” He stopped, annoyed with the difficulty he was having. You were annoyed that he was still in your flat. “Aziraphale isn’t well.”

Your heart stopped. What? How could that be? You had just seen him! What was wrong? Was he dying? What if—

“He misses you, love. He won’t admit it but he does. He feels awful about what happened and that you were scared or whatever and ran away and he’s been wanting to call you for weeks but he’s too scared to. He’s not himself, Y/N.” This was not what you were expecting to hear. Aziraphale missed you? He’d been thinking about you? You basked in this knowledge for a couple of seconds before your mind stuck on something.

“How do you know my name?” There hadn’t been time for introductions when he had interrupted you and Aziraphale, and you definitely hadn’t said it since he’d interrupted you now.

“Angel talks about you all the time. It’d be grand not to know your name but noooo. Everything is always “Y/N that” and “Y/N this”. “Isn’t Y/N perfect Crowley?”” He’d pitched his voice higher to indicate he was mocking Aziraphale, but you had barely noticed. This was getting to be a bit too much for you to handle. Did Aziraphale…could he actually…did he feel the same way about you that you did about him? Was it even possible? Crowley must’ve seen your confusion on you face because he softened a little.

“Look. Come back to the shop. At least just talk to him, tell him you’re not angry anymore. You’re not angry anymore, right?” He waited for you to respond. You realised that no, you weren’t angry. You missed him sorely, and if you could have him back in your life, even if everything that Crowley had told you was false, it would be more than enough to just be friends again. You shook your head. Crowley grinned at you.

“Brilliant. So, go to the shop, do whatever you two do, and I won’t have to hear about “lovely Y/N” anymore. It’s win-win-win for everyone.” He turned to leave but stopped, sighed heavily, and turned back around. “Uhm. While I’m here, uh. Aziraphale wanted me to…you know…” He cut himself off. He seemed to do that a lot for a man who had no qualms about breaking down doors and interrupting other people.

“You know how people say things that they don’t mean?” He asked, looking up at a water spot on your ceiling. You nodded. He looked down and nodded too, his lips twitching in a smile. “Good. See ya around, love!” And with that he left, the door closing behind him on his way out. You imagined that whatever had just happened was as close to an apology as you were going to get from the strange man--if that was actually what he was trying to do.

You stood and stared at the door for a good while before dropping the book on the ground and sitting heavily onto your sofa. There was so much to think about now, and your mind was absolutely buzzing. You decided that tonight was a very good night to finish off that brand-new bottle you had just bought yesterday.

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Your palms were sweaty. Your knees were trembling slightly, but that wasn’t as bad as sweaty palms. He would feel your sweat and be disgusted and kick you out of his shop before any of your nasty oily sweat got on any of his precious books. Or, replied the competent part of your brain, you could wipe your hands on your jeans and open the damned door already. Your stomach twisted as you raised your hand and pushed on the handle and walked through the doorway.

You were greeted with the sweet sound of bells. The smell of old books and wax and something that Aziraphale carried around with him washed over you, relaxing your shoulders and planting a stupidly stupid smile on your face. You were totally in love with this man, but his bookshop came a close second. You wandered around at first, partly interested in the books and partly biding time until you had to deal with the Aziraphale in the room. It wasn’t difficult to lose yourself in all of the old volumes, and you were so particularly engrossed in one that you were completely oblivious to the man behind you on the stairs.

Aziraphale was beside himself. He had been up in his apartment brewing some tea when the sound of the front door drew him out to the shop. He’d come down the stairs, expecting to find some customer that he would have to fight tooth and nail to keep from buying one of his books but instead he’d found you. After the way you had left, in tears and clearly terrified, he had not dared to hope that he’d see you again. Well, that wasn’t entirely true. He couldn’t help himself from watching over you as you walked home, performing the self-same miracle that had kept you safe last night (however, he was not responsible for you looking up at him, that was something else entirely and it had spooked him something fierce). That was all he had allowed himself to do, baring himself from calling you or visiting you, thinking that if you were so frightened of him, you would not appreciate him initiating contact before you were ready.

He ached for you. He thought of you every day; of your smile, your eyes, your intelligence, your passion for his books and your genuine desire to understand him. Over the time you were apart, he’d come to realise how much he cared for you and how much it hurt to not have you in his life. He watched, unwilling to break your concentration as you ran your fingers reverently along the books, mouthing their titles silently. You were beautiful, even with your hair in the messy bun you preferred on days you didn’t have to dress up for work, in ripped jeans and an old sweater. He couldn’t just stare at you all day, so he forced himself to break his trance and clear his throat.

Predictably, you jumped, hitting your hand on the thick wood of the bookcase. You cursed loudly, bringing your hurting hand to your chest. Panicked, Aziraphale rushed down the stairs and to your side, already reaching for your hand.

“Oh, I’m so sorry, my dear, please forgive me! I didn’t mean to startle you, I just…Oh I feel awful!” You let him take your hand in both of his, everything you had meant to say before stepping into the shop floating away as you watched Aziraphale fuss over your hand. You smiled softly at him.

“It’s okay, Azi.” His head shot up and he stared, wide eyed in wonder. You had been the only person to call him that, and he admittedly missed the sound of it while you weren’t with him. You covered his hands with your other one, squeezing gently. “It’s okay.”

He could scarcely think. Or breathe, or do anything but blink at you like the besotted fool he was. You were here, in front of him, touching him, speaking to him, looking at him like that, like perhaps you had missed him just as much as he had missed you. Out of instinct, out of an urge that had plagued him these long months that he had known you, he slowly lifted your bruising hand up to his lips, giving you plenty of time to pull away, to leave him and never set eyes on him again. When you did none of those things, he pressed a sweet, chaste kiss to your knuckles, and then another on the angry red spot that had hit the case. Your breath shuddered in your chest, and you could do nothing but stand there.

Conversations would be had, nothing to personal, nothing close to admitting whatever it was between you, but you didn’t need that. There was an understanding that life without the other person was not worth the trouble. All was truly well.

Tag List:

@chelsdub, @a-hoe-for-vanya, @lordbeezyprinceofhell, @aelin-thefirebreathingbitchqueen, @beetlebway, @dreamerkim, @petalduck

(Let me know if you want to be added. If you’ve asked before and you aren’t tagged, it means tumblr didn’t let me tag you for whatever reason, so ask me again! If you don’t want to be tagged anymore, also let me know!)

#mine #aziraphale x reader #Aziraphale #crowley #good omens #One Monstrous Miracle #michael sheen

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makingspiritualityreal · 3 years

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Numerology Life Path 9 - Your Birth Card and its Ruling Planet

Numerology Life Path Numbers and their assigned Tarot Card Meaning Series

This is a post in my new astrology/numerology/tarot series, that only concerns you, if you are a Life Path 9. Posts on consecutive Life Path Numbers will follow. Originally, I wanted to do them all in one post, but my writing turned out to be so long, I decided to split the post and seperate the Life Path Numbers. The introduction part of the post will be the same for all Life Path Numbers, in case you only read a post about your own Life Path Number, and nothing else.

Introduction The concept of a Birth Card links Tarot and Numerology together, in order to deepen our understanding of a vibration of a Life Path Number we are born with. The Birth Card, or rather Birth Cards, are Major Arcana Tarot Cards with assigned numbers, which correlate with Life Path Numbers. Understanding the meaning of tarot cards, mixed with the knowledge of Numerology Vibrations, helps create a more unique vision of your life experience. A person with any given Life Path Number, having several Major Arcana energies present in their lives, usually struggles with one of the energies more than the other. As a result, life will probably force them to focus on mastering one of these energies. In general, however, any Life Path describes both your biggest downfall and ultimate triumph - just like with an Astrology Chart, the highlighted numbers/astrology houses point to your biggest strengths and weaknesses. For a better understanding of this concept, visit my article “Natal Chart - A map of your issues?” Remember, that everyone, besides their Life Path Number and Birth Card also has a unique astrology chart. Thus, for some people embracing the higher expression of their energy is easier, for others it’s harder and it takes more time to master, and some energies become easier to deal with than others. Most human beings are somewhere in between, working on their path and having some achievements while struggling with difficulties at the same time. In the spiritual community, there are differences in opinion on linking Astrological Planets and positions to specific numerology numbers energies. My take is a result of my own personal experience, conversations with other people in my field and research, in order to give you the widest possible spectrum of ideas and increase the understanding of every Life Path Number. If you are a Master Number 11, 22 or 33, there will be a seperate post on how the Birth Cards apply to you as well. Even If you have only a basic understanding of Astrology, Tarot or Numerology, this post will still be helpful to you, because it describes the unique vibrational mix that comes from the expression of both these spiritual sciences mixed together. To calculate which Tarot Cards and what Life Path correspond to your birthday, click here.

Life Path 9 - The Hermit and The Moon

The energies of a Life Path 9 are ruled by the dynamic energy of Mars. This Life Path's main objective in this incarnation is to find a cause to devote themselves too. This cause is what sets them apart from the crowd, but also holds them together. Without that cause, or at least being on the way to finding that cause, they feel lost and unmotivated and are very prone to getting dejected with the world around them.

The reason for why this Life Path can fall into such lows when they are not moving forward with their goals is that they gain all their wisdom, understanding and depth from taking action and being "in the field". A Life Path 9 is someone, who can get illuminated by the process of a repetitive performance of a task on the way to their goal, making them a very "hands on" learner. They possess the power to find magic and depth in the mundane. However, to access that, they must immerse themselves in finding their path first. They need the material world for contrast to start the unique alchemical process, that they have a gift for. That's why this Life Path has such a knack for social causes. They know how to upgrade the energetic vibration of a group through physical processes. That is extremely powerful in the 21st century, when we have worldwide access to international communities. A Life Path 9 in their element could be an inspiring writer or a creator, whose work moves people on a larger scale. However, to access that power, this Life Path needs to find their right direction first. That is achieved most often through trial and error. A Life Path 9 is born with a crystallised, internal idea of the energy that they want to change the world with, but they need practice to find the most optimal way to externalise their gifts and express them from an authentic place. That can also involve building a specific skill, based on their intuitive gifts, which will make them learn that skill faster than anyone in their profession, for the sake of realising a larger vision.

The shadow aspect of a Life Path 9 is in the energy of being scattered, confused, misguided, lacking illumination of their purpose or true understanding of the depth of life. This can result in feeling unmotivated even further, which then leads to various coping mechanisms, such as procrastination, distraction, escapism and unfunded expectation for the world to fix their problems for them, and when that fails, blaming the world for not giving them a helping hand from the outside. In reality, this bitterness is a reflection of their desire to manifest their own path in the world, and when they are not actively doing it, the vision of the changes they themselves could be making in the world haunts and frustrates them. Many Life Path 9s are not even aware of that process, and they experience it subconsciously, which makes them even more prone to various subliminal escapism tactics.

The other characteristic vibrational trait of the 9 is its single-minded nature. While they care about community causes and things on a grander scale, and once they find a worthy goal they take it seriously, they are inherently stubborn. That works both in their advantage and to their detriment. When they have their eye on a prize, no one can stop them from achieving their goal, but if they are stuck on an idea that is working against them, or if they have gotten themselves buried in idleness, only they can truly realign themselves back on the right path. Other people's advice won't matter much to them, and even if they are outwardly polite, they will subconsciously resist anyone's guidance but their own. They may need an external forceful pressure to consider changing their course at all.

The associated Tarot Cards help us find solutions to efficiently use the energy of this Life Path Number.

The Hermit - Related to the internally solitary nature of this Life Path, the Hermit isolates himself from the whole world in order to find his truth and deepen his connection to the Source, the Universe Itself. This points out, that when in doubt the tactic for a Life Path 9 is to find answers in solitude, by using a spiritual practice that reconnects them to the voice within, mixed with trial and error. The Hermit is also a wise, old figure, which shows that for a Life Path 9 a lot of time, patience and mental effort is often necessary to be able to find their path. At its peak, this Tarot card shows a mature energy of a Life Path 9 becoming a beacon of wisdom for others, who come to them to seek counsel in times of trial, just like those seeking enlightenment look for the Hermit in his abode.

The Moon - Points to both the natural instinct, that this Life Path is so strong in, but also the element of confusion and the overwhelming sensations that can feel like a maze with no exit. However, opposites attract, and a Life Path 9 is the one capable of harnessing the energy of the Moon Tarot card by seeing a straight, clear path through the murky waters. This Tarot card points to this Life Path's ability to find the light in the deepest darkness.

The Key Word for a Life Path 9 is Direction. This Life Path's destiny is to apply direction and wisdom (The Hermit) through uncertainty and overwhelming confusion of life (Moon) by finding a path in the darkness. A Life Path 9 in a higher state of evolution knows exactly where they are going, and what is their purpose for choosing this specific path to follow. This approach is applied in all areas of life, relationships, choice of work field, time management in their daily life. Once they are in the flow, a Life Path 9 knows how to follow their objective like nobody else, if they have genuine passion for it, set their mind on it and stay on course. This Life Path illuminates the way of the true Spiritual Warrior, always walking ahead, passionate and forever faithful to his calling.

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ahrorha · 4 years

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Flame of Winter

Hey,

I have listened to the Trespasser soundtrack a lot writing these chapters.

I hope I have captured the essence of the chase you go through in pursuit of the Viddasala. ;) I am also very excited to be able to share these last chapters with all of you. As always enjoy.

Chapter 31

The crossroads were brightly lid after the hours they had spent in the dark. Eirlana needed to catch Vivienne, who almost collapsed. Groaning loudly, she held her head and had her eyes shut. Eirlana noticed the others were also struggling, their eyes squinted as they slowly got used to the strange lighting. Somehow they didn't cope well with this environment, whereas herself seemed not to be affected. Rather the total opposite, despite her fatigue, she felt like she could walk for hours on end in this strange landscape.

Steadying Vivienne she slowly followed the others, who were having more difficulty than before to move through this place. Most likely because they were exhausted, bruised and wounded.

When they finally reached the eluvian and entered the Winter Palace again, the Inquisition guards stared at them in shock. It was understandable, they were all drenched by the water and covered with blood, dust and debris. Ryan hurried off, to inform the council, and several scouts went to fetch healing supplies and clean water, so they could tend to their wounds.

Eirlana treated Vivienne first, who was worried that her head wound would leave a scar.

Dorian soon joined them. He gasped when he saw Iron Bull. “Kaffas, what happened to you?”

“Nothing to worry about Kadan.”

“Nothing to wo...” Dorian spluttered. “You have a huge gash across your chest. And that bruise on your shoulder is as big as my head. Sit down!” Carefully he began to wash the wound. “Tell me what did you find. You have been gone for hours.”

“Not much Sparkler.” Varric sat down tiredly and began to refill Bianca with new bolts. “We found a bunch of Qunari using the crossroads. They are here to 'save the South', but how or why we haven't figured out yet. Only that it involves a lyrium mine filled with a lot of bombs. One thing we know for sure is that one of their targets is the Winter Palace and that they are using the eluvians to get here unnoticed.”

“As refreshing as it is to see the Qunari targetting something else than Tevinter for a change. This is alarming. Are they out of their mind? They can't possibly want to start a war with the South.”

Bull grunted as Eirlana took over from Dorian and began to close his wound. “I don't understand it either.” he hissed. “But this can't be a sanctioned action. I would know if they planned something this big in the South.”

“Are you sure, Tiny?” Varric asked. “You have been awfully long gone from your home.” “I am sure. They would need to keep an eye on the Inquisition's movements. They wouldn't attack blindly without knowing who would be here and how many troops we have brought to the Winter Palace.”

“Well, for now, let's get something to eat. I am starving.” Varric said and sent a servant to fetch them some food.

They had just begun to eat when Ryan came running back.

“They have smuggled gaatlok barrels into the Winter Palace.” he panted.

“What?” Varric exclaimed.

“You're shitting me.” Iron Bull said in disbelief.

“Are you sure about this, Inquisitor?” Vivienne asked.

“I am sure. We just intercepted an elven servant transporting one of the barrels. Leliana has her men searching the Palace for more.”

“This is bad.” Iron Bull stood up. “Let me sent word to the Ben-Hassrath. We've got to stop this Dragon's Breath before it goes any further. It can't have been authorised. My people wouldn't do this.”

“Can you tell us anything else about these Qunari?” Ryan asked.

“I know they aren't Ben-Hassrath. They're specialists, working for a Viddasala. Ben-Hassrath handle normal security. The Viddasala's people focus entirely on magic. They find it, study it, and neutralise it. And they must be desperate if they're using eluvians. I'd expect them to shatter any mirror they find. But if this Viddasala has gone rogue, it is possible her people would follow her believing they are obeying the Qun.”

“Go to Josephine and contact your people.”

“Yes, Boss.”

“The rest of you get some rest. We leave again in half an hour. We have found directions that could lead to this Viddasala. We need to find her and stop this insane plan.”

Dorian stepped towards Ryan. “I should come with you?”

“No, stay here in case the Qunari try to access this eluvian while we are gone.”

Reluctantly Dorian nodded and went after Iron Bull to see if he could help with uncovering more of the Qunari's plan.

As soon as they entered the crossroads again, they spotted a group of Qunari running across a newly formed path.

“There! After them!” Ryan yelled, and they all ran to catch up with them.

Eirlana, who wasn't struggling in this environment, soon was up front, and was the first to reach the eluvian, the Qunari must have used. It was surrounded by bookshelves filled with books, some to them lay scattered on the ground along with loose papers and scrolls.

Waiting for the others to catch up, she picked up one of the books. It was filled with random numbers and letters, they shifted slightly as her eyes scanned the page. It was like how she saw books in the Fade. “An eluvian marked by a bookshelf. This should be the place we will find the Viddasala.” Ryan panted as he finally reached the eluvian.

“Good.” Iron Bull drew his Stone-Breaker war hammer. “Time to get some answers.”

Eirlana gasped as they stepped into a massive room, that looked like a library. Sadly it was partially destroyed. The back-end of the room was blown away, and through it, they could see outside into a landscape that looked similar to the crossroads. Several islands were rising from a thick mist, and there was the same strange lighting. What was different were the many buildings and structures, that were built on the islands. She also noticed two big raven statues of Dirthamen, the elven god of secrets and knowledge. If this really was a library, it was fitting to find his statues here.

What was strange though was the air itself. It was charged with magical energy, but it felt erratic and twisted, like traces left by a giant explosion. It had affected everything surrounding them. Every building they saw was severely damaged and broken down, sometimes beyond recognition of what it once was. The damage was so great that Eirlana expected to find rifts here, because whatever and wherever this place was, it had a close connection to the Fade. They could practical see slivers of green Fade energy shimmering in the air. Also, they soon realised that the physics of this place was similar to that of the Fade. Some of the buildings were hanging upside-down, and there was even a waterfall flowing upwards.

Perplexed, Ryan looked around. “Is this some sort of old elven library?”

“It looks like it.” Vivienne agreed. “But it has suffered from a massive magical backlash. There are traces of some ancient magical catastrophe in the air.”

“Let's hope we can track down the Viddasala in all of this.”

Eirlana walked to one of the tables filled with books. Curious, she opened one of them. As she touched the pages, its context slipped into her mind like a vivid memory. Sounds, images, feelings finely interwoven created a scenery as if she had witnessed it herself. She saw how a monument was made in a single afternoon by a thousand-thousand toiling servants swarming over a lump of fallen stone as large as a collapsed mountain. By the end of the day, the stern figure of Elgar'nan stared down into a valley, carved out from the foothills of the rock. The slaves disappeared and a light radiated from the eidolon's narrowed eyes and its open, snarling mouth. 'Hail Elgar'nan, first among the gods! Mark his victory eternal!'

“What are these books?” Varric asked her.

“I think they are not books like we know them. They are more like a vivid memory. Their concept is similar to the mosaics we encountered, telling the story not by words but through magic.” she answered him.

“Hmph. Don't touch any more books.” Ryan said. “We have no time for distractions. We shouldn't linger here any longer than necessary.”

They walked over a destroyed road further into the ruins. It was quickly clear that all but Eirlana were struggling to move in this environment. Though it was not as bad as being in the crossroads. While Eirlana waited for the others, she took her time and looked around. Once this place must have been a marvel to be seen, with grand buildings on the different islands, connected by bridges and eluvians. Now al that was left were ruins and destruction. It was also apparent that the Qunari had explored these parts. She noticed several Qunari on different islands, though it looked like some were trapped. They wandered around aimlessly, trying to find a way back.

“Over there. Is that a spirit?” Ryan asked.

Eirlana blinked, distracted she hadn't noticed the spirit floating further up the path. It looked like it was waiting for them. They stepped closer, although some of their group were more cautious than others.

“Andaran atish'an, mirthadra Elvhen.” it greeted them.

“What does it say?” Ryan turned to Eirlana.

“If you wish, honoured Elvhen, I will speak, so your guests understand.” the spirit replied to him in common. “I am study. I am a learning thirst. Come, know what has not been lost. New words. New stories. The Qunari would not approach, but we learned their words as well. If you wish to exchange knowledge, they congregate by the lower gate.”

Ryan didn't seem pleased that he had to talk to a spirit, but they needed information. “What was this place?”

“This is the Vir Dirthara. The living knowledge of the empire. The libraries of every city. The wisdom of every court. A connecting place whose paths are in disarray. It was made with world and Fade. When they sundered, so did we. Paths broke. Knowledge fragmented. Many were trapped. I preserve their last words.”

“Last words?” Varric asked.

“What happened? Where are the paths? Where are the paths? Gods save me, the floor is gone. Do not let me fall. Do not let me... On this spot, that is all.”

“Thanks.” Iron Bull said. “Really paints a picture.” He looked warily at the edges of the path, that looked like they could crumble away at any time.

Turning away from the spirit, Ryan looked for a way to move on. “We know the Qunari are using this eluvian. The Viddasala has to be somewhere in here.”

“Viddasala. Yes.” the spirit replied. “She uses scholars and mages for study. They fear this place, but they seek to know the Veil.”

“The Veil? Why in all of Thedas would they studying it for?” Vivienne asked.

“I regret I do not have more information. I am sundered from myself. If you discover another one of me nearer the Qunari, I may know more. Kindly give it my greetings. I have not thought with myself for some time. Apologies. I knew all once. We knew. With the break, only fragments or knowledge new, since the fall.”

“Let's leave this thing alone.” Ryan climbed a set of stairs to reach the next part of the ruin. “The sooner we can leave this place, the better.”

Eirlana wished she had more time and freedom to talk with the spirit. Reluctantly she followed the others when the spirit began to speak again. “Know this: an unknown person, not of the Qunari, recently woke the librarians. The librarians facilitated learning before the fracture. Before the fall. Now, beware them. They are unwell.”

She stared at the spirit, desperately wanting to ask if Solas had been here. But she couldn't. Not with the others being here.

“Eirlana! Come!” Ryan said. He was clearly wary of this environment.

Reluctantly she followed the others, wondering what they would uncover.

They soon found the place the Qunari were gathering. Above their heads on what looked like an upside-down courtyard, a large group of Qunari was wandering around. Some of them looking up towards them. “Look there.” Ryan pointed above them. “Qunari. On that... upside-down island? They have seen us. If we manage to reach them, they will be ready for us.”

“Looks like a whole camp up there.” Varric agreed with him. “Or is it down there? Shit, this place is weird.”

“We need to find the right eluvian that will take us there. Be on your guard, there is no knowing what we will face in this place.”

Trying to reach the Qunari, they followed a twisted path through several eluvians. It led them to different parts of the library located on several of the islands. Everywhere they went was the same, ruins, broken structures and pathways. A couple of times they got turned around, and they had to backtrack their path to find their way.

“You know what?” Varric said as they passed through another eluvian. “This place has written Solas all over it. He would wet his pants if he was here with us now, with all this old elven stuff.”

Eirlana heart sped up hearing Varric talk about him. But not wanting their focus on Solas, she kept quiet.

Ryan let out another disgruntled huff. “More of this elven gods nonsense. In my opinion, we are lucky the elven empire collapsed. This much magic is not what the Maker intended for us.”

“I agree.” Vivienne said. “It is a pity they build an entire empire on the foundation of magic...”

“I don't know.” Varric objected. “There are worse things to base your civilisation around. Coin, the lyrium trade, tradition...”

Suddenly Ryan screamed out in pain. They had walked past a golden elven tree that was magical charged. As he came closer to it, the Anchor flared up and absorbed the magical energy.

“Inquisitor!” Vivienne exclaimed. “You! Do something!” she snapped at Eirlana.

Eirlana grabbed his arm and did her best to subdue the magic and ease the pain. Immediately she noticed that the Anchor's magic felt much stronger, as if it was steadily growing in this environment. She had no idea why, or how to stop it. When the mark flared up now, it engulfed more and more of Ryan's arm. If this continued, the magic would soon become uncontrollable and consume Ryan. At best, he would lose his arm, but if this would go on, it even could claim his life.

“The Anchor again? Are you alright?” Varric asked, looking worried.

“It's getting worse,” Ryan grunted through gritted teeth. “We best hurry.”

On their path through the library, they found several times Qunari that had been killed. They had terrified expressions on their faces. Whatever they had encountered, had scared them to death. They also encountered more spirits, just like the first spirit they were eager to talk and share their knowledge.

The second spirit greeted them. “Welcome. Welcome. Listen to the last words of those who lived past the fall. How could the Dread Wolf cast a Veil between the world that wakes and the world that dreams? The Evanuris will send people. They will save us. When have you last heard from the gods? When the Veil came down, they went silent. What is this Veil, what has Fen'Harel done?”

Shocked Ryan stared at it. “What? Did that thing just say that Fen'Harel created the Veil? That can't be right. The Maker created it to protect us against these things.”

“How can some guy just make the Veil?” Iron Bull looked just as disbelieved. “We must have been ass-deep in demons before then.”

“Impossible!” Vivienne declared. “If there was a time the Veil didn't exist, there would be some mention of it in human history.”

Solas created the Veil? Eirlana thought in shock. Is that what happened?

The memories of that time were sparse and fragmented. The few she had seen were often confusing and filled with fear, fear about the loss of magic, the ageing, the disappearance of the Evanuris.

She looked at the destruction around her, now she could understand that fear. If the Veil had suddenly appeared, it had impacted everything in the life of the elves. It must have been terrifying to be suddenly cut off of their source of power, the foundation of their society. The chaos of the library was a stark picture of what the result was. How many people had been trapped here? How many had died here, trying to escape? It must have been a catastrophe beyond measure.

And Solas had created it. How powerful was he to accomplish such a feat? The sheer magnitude was unfathomable. She almost laughed, amid her shock, but somehow she managed to keep quiet.

As they encountered a third spirit, the impact of Solas' deed was even more clear. It echoed the hatred against him. The same hatred that she had seen in the Fade and in the legends that had survived until this day.

“If we get out of here, I will end Fen'Harel.” the spirit echoed. “After he held back the Sky to imprison the gods, the Dread Wolf disappeared. Lies. We must tear down the Veil. The cities, the pathways... Without magic, they are crumbling. You're wasting your time. Fen'Harel's Veil has turned our empire to ruins.”

“This is a load of crap!” Ryan stormed past the spirit. “Don't listen to anything those things are saying!”

Eirlana held her breath, as she heard the spirit say 'held back the sky.' Skyhold, Tarasyl'an Te'las, Eirlana thought. Had Solas created the Veil at Skyhold? Was that the reason that the Veil was so strong there and the Fade was frozen in time?

In thought, she followed the others silently. While for them, the concept of Fen'Harel was still a legend that didn't fit inside of human beliefs and history, she was witnessing the history of Solas. It was shocking to realise and see what he had lost when he created the Veil. He hadn't just lost his home, his way of living, but also the people close to him, his followers, the slaves he saved. All the marvels of his world. They all had crumbled because of what he had done.

Seeing the destruction with her own eyes made her realise why he always carried such a deep sadness within him. To be responsible for the beginning of the downfall of the elves, it must weigh heavy on him.

But why did he do it?

Why had he cut the world and the Fade apart?

Did he do it to defeat the Evanuris and free the slaves? Or had something different happened?

They wandered further through the library. Occasionally they had to fight a group of Qunari that was looking for them. The fights weren't that difficult, they just had to keep an eye on the edges of the islands, so that they wouldn't be pushed off and fall into the bottomless mist. They also discovered the cause of the dead terrified Qunari when they encountered the librarians. They had been twisted into demons of fear, who immediately attacked them.

Eirlana almost laughed out loud when they were yelling 'Your books are overdue.' and 'Don't talk in the library.' at them in elvish. She wished she could have met the librarians in their true form. The knowledge they possessed must be immense.

After defeating them, they finally found the eluvian that took them to the upside-down courtyard above them. As they had predicted, a large group of Qunari was waiting for them with their weapons drawn, but unlike the Qunari they had encountered before they didn't attack.

“Survivor of the Breach. Herald of Change. Hero of the South.” A female Qunari addressed them. She stood on a balcony above them and emanated an air of authority. Next to her stood a huge Qunari. He was bigger than any Qunari they had ever seen and judging by his iron face mask, he was a saarebas.

Ryan lifted his chin and puffed his chest as he stepped forward. “The Viddasala, I presume.”

“After fulfilling your purpose at the Breach, it is astonishing to hear you still walked free among your people. Your duty is done, Inquisitor. It is time to end your magic.”

“You can certainly try. I've defeated all your Ben-Hassrath so far.”

The Viddasala narrowed her eyes. “So you have. The repercussions have already begun. I am no stranger to catastrophe, but this chaos in the South defies comprehension. The Qun left your people to curb your own magic. You've amply proven we should have stepped in long ago.”

“I have an alliance with your people. We defeated Corypheus and closed the Breach. I thought you would approve of that.”

She huffed. “Do you believe closing the Breach solved everything, that its consequences stopped there? The day we saw the Breach, the Qun decided its action. We would remove your leaders and spare those who toil. This agent of Fen'Harel has disrupted everything. Lives that were to be spared, lost for him!”

“What agent? And why would you think they work for the Inquisition?”

“Kill the Inquisitor, then follow me to the Darvaarad.”

The Viddasala was apparently done talking and stepped through an eluvian. The huge saarebas followed her. As soon as she gave her command the Qunari, surrounding them, attacked. It was an intense battle. At the end, all of them nursed several bruises and cuts, but nobody had sustained any serious injuries this time. Eirlana took care of them as best as she could. But her healing supplies were dwindling. She hoped they would soon return to the Winter Palace so she could restock. There was also the issue of her broken staff. It had snapped as one of the Qunari had tried to cut her down with an axe. With all the fighting they were facing, it made her nervous about being weaponless. Sure she could cast her magic without a weapon, but having such control over her magic would only stir up the suspicions of her being possessed. Because there would be no way, a 'simple' apostate could wield her offensive magic without the aid of a foci such as a weapon.

While she was at work, the others were searching the place for more information about the Qunari's plan called Dragon's Breath. They soon discovered that the Qunari were using non-Qunari spies to infiltrate the Winter Palace and smuggle the gaatlok barrels. Another note told them why the Qunari were in this old elven library.

“Here.” Ryan scanned the note. “It says that they came here to study the Veil and strengthen it. This Viddasala gave lyrium to the mages to boost their magical abilities, so they could study it better.”

“Let me see that.” Vivienne took the note. “So, they believe this notion that the Veil was created by this Fen'Harel. Though they call him an elven mage in these notes.”

“That can't be right.” Ryan shook his head. “The Maker...”

“I don't know.” Varric cut in. “Could be connected to that orb thing; otherwise, the magic in your hand shouldn't be able to manipulate the Veil.”

“A way to clamp down magic?” Iron Bull looked over Vivienne's shoulder to read. “No wonder she's here. That the Veil can be torn must have scared that Viddasala shitless.”

“Let's get out of here and tell the others what we've found.” Ryan looked around, making sure they hadn't missed anything. “On our way back, we can check the mines and make sure the Qunari can't use it any longer. Then we use the keystone we've found and go to this Darvaarad where the Viddasala went.”

“Look at it! It's completely submerged.” Ryan said as they reached the mines.

They stood on the outcrop where they first overviewed the mines. It now resembled a giant underground lake. Water was still falling into it by countless waterfalls, but the water-level looked stable.

“Did I mention lately that I can't swim?” Varric eyed the water nervously. “Just... keep that in mind.”

“At least the Qunari can't use this place any longer.” Ryan said.

“We should consider that the Qunari will find another place to mine.” Vivienne added. “We best contact Orzammar and warn them about the breach into their trade.”

“That is a good idea, Vivienne. I can't imagine they will be happy to hear the news.” Ryan agreed.

“Inquisitor, over there another eluvian.” Eirlana pointed towards the shimmering light source. It was hidden behind a cave-inn, that they had missed the first time they were here. “Judging by the gaatlok barrels, the Qunari tried to reach it. We should check it, to make sure it doesn't lead to another source of lyrium.”

They used the gaatlok barrels and freed the way to the eluvian. It led them back onto the surface into another elven ruin.

Eirlana swallowed when she saw the owl statue, symbolising Falon'Din. Though she hadn't seen a trace of him since he saved her from Xebenkeck, she was worried that it wouldn't stay that way. The ruin was small and had only a single room. Apart from the owl statue, there were a couple of wolves, representing Fen'Harel. The rest of the room was bare except for a prominent fresco. It showed a giant creature being struck by a beam of light and shattering into pieces. At the centre of the creature was a golden ball. To the left and right of it stood an elf. The left elf's hand was surrounded by a similar golden glow, while the right one carried an orb with the same symbol as depicted in the centre of the creature.

“Look at this mural.” Ryan touched it. “What is that thing?”

“If it is anything like Solas' paintings, it is probably depicting how some broody elf felt about shit that happened. If anyone sees his paintings at Skyhold in a hundred years, they wouldn't guess half the things that they symbolise.” Varric grumbled. Realising what he just had said he quickly looked at Eirlana. “Sorry.” he mumbled.

Eirlana smiled faintly at him. She knew he meant well and that he was angry at Solas for leaving her. She then noticed a shimmer hidden in the fresco, and she stepped closer. “It looks like there are ruins engraved in it.” and she summoned a globe of veilfire to read them.

The light of the veilfire activated the runes, and they began to shift, coiling and uncoiling like snakes. A thunderous voice shouted in her head. “Hail Mythal, adjudicator and saviour! She has struck down the pillars of the earth and rendered their demesne unto the People! Praise her name forever!”

For a moment, the scent of blood filled the air and a vivid image of green vines growing and enveloping a sphere of fire appeared. Then there was darkness, and it felt like an aeon passed. Then the intensity of the runes changed, they became filled with anger. There was a new vision; elves collapsing caverns, sealing the Deep Roads with stone and magic. There was intense terror, heart-pounding, ice-cold, filled with fear. And a voice whispered. “What the Evanuris in their greed could unleash would end us all. Let this place be forgotten. Let no one wake its anger. The People must rise before their false gods destroy them all.”

Eirlana blinked a few times as the images disappeared. The others looked at her expectantly. “It is a titan.” she looked back at the image. “The Evanuris fought them, and they mined their bodies for lyrium.”

“They managed to fight and kill one of those things?” Ryan asked perplexed.

“Yes. I know there is an elven song telling how Elgar'nan gained victory over the Earth that shook the elven cities. A titan probably caused the same earthquakes we encountered in the lyrium mines at the Wounded Coast.”

“Hmm, the information we find gets crazier by the minute. Let's leave, we got the Qunari to deal with.”

Before they left, Iron Bull found a mage staff. It had several small wolf figurines bound at the top. He tossed it to Eirlana. “Here, maybe you can use it.”

She caught it, twirled it around and fed her magic into it. It reacted immediately and sparkled with electricity. A strange feeling washed over her, giving her a sense of being vastly better than everyone and everything around her. It was as if she could hear faint laughter and Fade energy strangely clung to the staff. It filled her with unknown confidence. And there was something else, something... It felt like there was a presence that stirred from a deep slumber. For a moment she got a sense of a pair of round golden eyes watching her.

Puzzled by the sensation she asked. “Where did you find it?”

“Under that wolf statue. It may be old crap, but it is better than having nothing.”

“Thank you.” Eirlana said, feeling like she was being watched by something lingering in the Fade. It was a little unsettling, but she couldn't feel any ill intentions from whatever it was. It seemed rather curious. Suddenly there was a sensation of it stretching itself and taking a long yawn. The movement felt stiff as if it had awakened from a long deep slumber, and it probably had. For no one had been in this chamber for ages.

Not sensing any malice from the entity, Eirlana decided to take the staff. Before following everyone back into the lyrium mine, she looked one last time at the mural. The more she learned about Solas' past, the more she worried. He was involved in events that had shaken the very foundations of the world. It was dizzying to think about what he and the other Evanuris had done with their power. They had toyed with forces they thought they stood above. And she worried about what that vision was what she had seen. If the Evanuris dared to battle a titan, it was concerning that they had encountered something that terrified them so much that their only solution was to seal it away.

Solas what have you done?

The sun had long gone down when they stepped back into the Winter Palace. Ryan immediately went to inform the others about what they had found. A group of Inquisition agents had prepared a small sitting area for them outside. There was also food, wine and water.

Sighing deeply, Varric sat down. “This has been a long day. Argh, I am getting too old for this shit.”

Iron Bull also sat down and grabbed several cuts of meat. “More is to come.” he rumbled with his mouth full.

“I came here to drink beer on the Inquisition's tab, maybe play a few rounds of cards." Varric shook his head. “Should have known that trouble would show up again.”

“Not exactly my plan either. I wanted to sit at the bar and get drunk until the nobles had stopped complaining about us saving their pompous asses. Look like we were both wrong.” Iron Bull turned to one of the Inquisition guards. “You there. Can you fetch us some ale? I rather drink something decent before we go back in there.”

In the meanwhile, Eirlana had sent for more supplies, including regeneration potions and lumps of crystallised honey infused with elfroot. They were going to need them soon, having already fought through the day and most of the night without any decent rest. Iron Bull was right, at this rate they weren't going to finish anytime soon.

Ryan returned to them a good hour later. He looked grim and held his arm like he was in pain.

Eirlana stepped towards him. “Did the Anchor flare up again?”

“Yes, and it was the worst one yet. It is worse than when it grew under the influence of the Breach.”

She reached out to him, to help and numb the pain, but he pulled his arm back.

“Leave it! I have taken some elfroot against the pain. We have to hurry. I don't know how long I can stand this. This bloody thing will be the death of me.”

With a sigh, he sat down and began to eat. They were all quiet for a while, most of them looking worried at Ryan and the Anchor.

“Is there any news from the council?” Vivienne asked, breaking the uncomfortable silence.

“They found gaatlok barrels inside Denerim's Palace, Val Royeaux and across the Free Marches. The Winter Palace was not the only target. Our agents have helped to disable the barrels and carry them to a safe place.”

Varric cursed loudly. “This is bad.”

“The Qunari planned to strike every noble house in the known world.” Vivienne said in shock. “We have to warn the other Châteaux in Orlais. This can't be allowed to pass.”

“We already sent ravens to our agents and allies, but it looks like that they're targetting the major seats of power. If they had succeeded to strike, the South would have been in chaos. Creating an ideal opportunity to invade us.

Although our Qunari contacts are currently denying any involvement.” Ryan grabbed more bread and covered it with meats and cheese. “After I have finished eating, we will go back in. We need to find this Darvaarad. What does it mean anyway, Bull?”

“Darvaarad is not a thing, more a location. It is a place to bring and quarantine magical things, until they can be studied and disabled safely.”

“Great, so we could walk into more magical dangers.” Ryan sighed. “Maybe we should bring more templars so we can deal with them.”

“I agree.” Cassandra said as she joined them. She was armed and clad in a set of golden armor.

Startled by her sudden appearance Ryan jumped to his feet. “Your Perf...”

“Don't you dare!” Cassandra interrupted him. “I am going to come with you. I can't ignore this threat any longer.”

“Your Holi...”

Cassandra glared at him.

“Cassandra.” Ryan began anew. “You can't come. We can't possibly endanger your life.”

“If you expect me to wait patiently and do nothing, you have chosen the wrong Divine. With your hand getting worse, you need another shield at your side.”

There was no way to change Cassandra's mind, and in the end, Ryan conceded. He also sent for three templars to accompany them. Seeing the familiar faces of her guard detail among them Eirlana wasn't exactly thrilled, but she could hardly object.

Back at the crossroads, they used the keystone they had found to activate the eluvian. It was the very first eluvian they had encountered in the crossroads, where the wounded Qunari had tried to go through. They stepped through it and reappeared into a castle fortress overlooking the ocean. It was unlike the elven ruins they had travelled through, but a castle of modern build and well maintained. A Qunari statue overlooked the courtyard, heroically holding a spear. The courtyard itself was filled with a couple of dozen broken eluvians. A few of them were still intact, and they had stepped through one of them.

“We seem to be in a dumping ground for broken eluvians.” Vivienne remarked.

“Where did the Qunari get all these?” Ryan looked around. “And how long have they been studying eluvians? Come! The sooner we stop this invasion plan, the better.”

Iron Bull readied his weapon. “Finally, a chance to get some answers and set this right. Thanks for bringing me along, Boss.”

They encountered only a couple of Qunari that were conducting some kind of experiment on one of the eluvians. They seemed to be surprised by their appearance. Being unprepared most of them were quickly defeated, but there was a saarebas among them who didn't fall so easily. He managed to kill one of the templars that just had joined their group.

Cassandra panted after the saarebas was finally defeated. “Maker! These Qunari mages are crazed. I haven't seen anything like them.”

“This Viddasala is giving them lyrium, so their magic is enhanced.” Ryan explained.

“Saarebas are more powerful than other mages.” Iron Bull explained. “That is why the Qun leashes them and keep them under watch by an Arvaarad.”

“I heard of them, they are like our templars.” Cassandra said.

“Something like that.” Iron Bull nodded, but didn't explain anything further.

On a table, they found observation notes filled with diagrams and complex formulas, but before they could look through them the Anchor flared up again. Ryan screamed in pain. “This bloody thing! Leave it!” he shrugged Eirlana's attempt to help him. “We need to hurry.”

They continued their path to gain access to the castle. Eirlana looked around, the air felt warmer than it had been at the Winter Palace. Judging by the vegetation, they were much farther to the North. Her eye caught a giant halla statue in the distance. It was standing on a high cliff staring out over the sea. Even if this place was now claimed and rebuild by the Qunari, it once had been elven.

They soon encountered heavy resistance, and they had to fight their way into the castle. Iron Bull had been right in his description that it was a place to gather and study magical objects. They found a tower filled with all sort of objects, from astrariums to elven statues. They even found a piece of red lyrium that looked like it had been tampered with.

“Red lyrium.” Ryan exclaimed. “Do the Qunari even know what they are dealing with?”

“No.” Varric shook his head. “They might think they do. But they don't.”

Inside the castle, they found even more relics and a library that overflowed with scrolls and books. They quickly searched the room, looking for anything useful.

“Look here.” Ryan picked up several maps. “They have blueprints of Halamshiral, Denerim and Kirkwall. They are very detailed.”

Vivienne browsed through a hefty tome. “Unless I'm mistaken, my Dear. These are artefact catalogues. The Qunari must have more of these facilities to acquire so many. What can they be doing with all of this.”

“This almost looks like research. Are they trying to uncover secrets of elven magic?” Ryan looked around, hoping to find more answers.

“Hopefully they don't have any more ancient magic crap to throw at us.” Iron Bull rumbled. “That orb was bad enough. Though that dragon skull would make a wicked armchair. Maybe we can take it back to Skyhold after we cleared this?”

At last, they came upon a set of big double doors. From behind them, they could hear a strange loud growling shriek. Ryan pulled out his weapon, and everyone did the same. Carefully they opened the door.

They came into a sizeable room filled with many barrels of gaatlok. Through an arch, they could see into a circular indoor courtyard. A dragon stood there and let out a bone-shattering shriek. It had ropes bound all over its face and was clearly in distress.

Ryan gasped. “Dragon's Breath is... an actual dragon? Are the Qunari crazy?”

A Qunari spearman noticed them and sounded the alarm. “Teth a! Bas!”

The Viddasala burst through a door and didn't look pleased that they were here. “Inquisition! Nehraa Ataashi-asaara meravas adim kata!” she yelled and soon the room filled with many armed Qunari.

She looked at Iron Bull. “Hissrad! Now, please. Vinek kathas.” she ordered him.

Iron Bull nodded. “Understood, ma'am.” He turned towards Ryan. “Change of plans. Nothing personal... Bas.”

He slammed the pommel of his war hammer backwards with great force, hitting Eirlana, who stood behind him, hard against her head. She staggered, and her vision blurred. Disoriented, she held her head and watched how Iron Bull rushed Ryan, letting out a vicious snarl. With brute force, he bashed Stone-Breaker down on him. Ryan barely managed to catch the weapon with his shield and was forced through his knees.

“Bull!” Cassandra screamed at the same time and hurried to Ryan's aid.

This was the last thing Eirlana noticed before she lost consciousness.

“Snowflake?”

Eirlana heard Varric's voice, but it sounded strangely far away. Her head pounded with a piercing headache. Something was pushed against her lips, and the familiar bitter taste of elfroot poured into her mouth.

“Come on. Open your pretty eyes.”

More of the healing potion was poured into her mouth, and something was nudging her hand. Slowly she opened her eyes, but she quickly closed them again as the world spun around her.

“Eh eh, come on, open them again.” Varric encouraged her. “You have to try and heal yourself. That was the last of our potions.”

Concentrating, she tried to summon her magic, but it faltered. Darkness threatened to claim her once again. She could hear Varric call her name, but his voice sounded like he was far away. Something was wining softly beside her, and there was another nudge against her hand. A strange surge of energy flowed up her arm, engulfing her. It stabilised her magic just enough so she could attempt to heal herself. It was difficult, but slowly she managed to mend her head wound. Iron Bull had struck her hard, and her skull was partially fractured from the impact. There was also significant trauma and bleeding. Somehow she managed to heal the worst of it, but the headache and dizziness remained.

Slowly the world came back into focus. In the distance, Eirlana could hear the growling shrieks of the dragon, but she could also hear Ryan.

“I should never have trusted him!” he ranted. “That traitor! How is this an alliance?!”

“I should have known. It was my duty to have known.” Cassandra contemplated.

Iron Bull! Suddenly Eirlana was wide awake. She looked around and saw Bull's corpse lying not far from her. He lay there just like his Qunari brethren. In disbelief, she stared at his dead body.

“There you are.” Varric tried to keep her from moving to fast. Following her eyes, he sighed. “Still can't believe Bull turned on us.” he muttered. “He was a better liar than I gave him credit for.”

With her head getting clearer by the minute, Eirlana looked at her companions. They looked beaten and battered. Also, she couldn't see the last of templars. Looking around, she noticed them dead, lying side by side. Someone had taken the time to fold their hands and close their eyes.

Clearly, the whole group had suffered without her aid and had to rely on their potions for healing. Judging by Varric's remark, they had quickly run out. Weaving another healing spell, she managed to heal more of her injury. With Varric's help, she struggled to her feet. Something nudged her hand again, and she looked to her left, but there was nothing there.

“You alright Snowflake?” Varric asked worried, when she stared at her hand.

Eirlana nodded but needed a couple of moments until she felt stable enough to move on her own.

“I still don't understand how he could fight beside us for years, and just...” Ryan shook his head. Seeing Eirlana back on her feet, he eyed the dragon standing in the indoor courtyard. “Come on, let's move. We have that dragon to deal with. They are using its poison to hasten the production of gaatlok. We have to put a stop to that.” He grabbed his shield. Eirlana noticed it was deformed by several new significant dents.

“Great. Just what I wanted to hear.” Varric groaned and checked his Bianca. “You sure you alright, Snowflake.”

Shaking her confusion about what had nudged her, Eirlana smiled faintly at him. “My head hurts, but I will be fine. Though I will try and stand more in the back during the next fight.”

“Bianca agrees with you. All this stress isn't good for a lady.” Varric said, gently petting his crossbow. Before he moved, he glanced one last time at Iron Bull's corpse. “He probably knew he wouldn't survive this.”

Eirlana too looked at his corpse. “I can't believe it. We knew him for years and he just... How are we ever going to tell Dorian?”

“With a lot of booze.” Varric shook his head. “It was quite a sight. After he knocked you out, he just slammed his hammer over and over again into Ryan. Like he had a lot of pent up anger.”

They both looked at each other and thought about the Chargers. Ryan called for them to hurry up, and they reluctantly followed.

The dragon fight was a challenge without the brutal strength of Iron Bull at their side. Luckily they had found a chest containing several healing potions, so they hadn't to rely solely on Eirlana's healing. They had enough experience fighting dragons, but this time the battle was made more difficult by groups of Qunari that tried to stop them. Both Eirlana and Varric quickly moved towards the gated exit so they could face both the dragon and the Qunari fighters without being overwhelmed.

Halfway through the battle, Eirlana heard something outside behind the gate. Quickly she took a peek and saw the Viddasala directing many Qunari through another eluvian. They were all geared up for a fight, but why were they moving away from them and not trying to stop them from killing the dragon. Was there something more important for them to achieve?

After a long and challenging fight, they finally managed to kill the dragon. By now, they were all exhausted, but they couldn't afford to rest. They had to move on and try to stop the Viddasala. Opening the gate, they ran towards the next eluvian. Most of the Qunari had already walked through it, but the Viddasala had stayed behind to face them. A squad of her men shielded her and the eluvian.

Eirlana noticed the golden mosaics and statues depicting Fen'Harel next to the eluvian.

“Pashaara!” the Viddasala called out to them.

Ryan looked ready to attack, but before he could take a step further, the Anchor lid up again. He doubled over from the pain, and they all halted, ready to defend Ryan. But to their surprise, the Qunari didn't attack but held their position.

“Dear Inquisitor.” the Viddasala sneered. “You have such little time left.” she paced back and forth. “You must finally see the truth. Elven magic already tore the sky apart. If the agents of Fen'Harel are not stopped, you will shatter the world as well.”

Finally, the Anchor calmed down enough, so that Ryan could face her. His expression was grim. “If these agents of Fen'Harel are a threat, we will handle them. You have no authority here!”

“How?” the Viddasala asked. “You have never defeated anything without their assistance. You would have died from the mark on your hand, but for the help of one of their chief agents. The same agent who helped seal the Breach. Who led you to Skyhold. Who gave Corypheus the orb, then founded the Inquisition.”

Ryan's eyes went wide as she spoke.

“Solas, agent of Fen'Harel.” the Viddasala snarled.

Cassandra gasped. “What?”

“That bastard!” Ryan growled. “I knew I couldn't trust him.”

“Solas tricked us all.” the Viddasala continued. “He pushed a dying Qunari into the Winter Palace, to lure you into opposing us. Without him, we could have brought the South peace and wisdom along the gentle path. Now we must take the way of blades.”

Ryan fell to his knees as the Anchor flared up again. He screamed out in pain.

“Panahedan, Inquisitor. If it is any consolation, Solas will not outlive you.”

The Viddasala went through the eluvian with the last of her man, leaving them behind.

“Well, shit.” Varric sighed.

Meanwhile, Cassandra helped Ryan back on his feet. Eirlana stepped to him to ease his pain, but he pulled his arm back.

“Do not touch me!” he glared at her. “Did you know?”

“No.” she shook her head.

“How could you not know?” Vivienne stared at her with hardened eyes.

“He is not some agent.” Eirlana was adamant. “I don't believe that.”

“Face it! He betrayed us.” Ryan growled.

“He didn't betray anyone.” Eirlana snapped. “He did everything he could to help and stop Corypheus. It doesn't make sense that he would give the orb to that monster.”

“Did you know he would be here?” Cassandra asked. She appeared to remain calm under the circumstances.

“You all know I haven't seen him for over two years. I don't know why he is here now or why he supposedly works with these agents of Fen'Harel. All I know is that we came to Haven to help seal the Breach. And Solas did help, as he is helping us again right now.”

“By the Maker! Please tell!” Ryan lifted his hands up in frustration. “How is he helping us now?”

“By revealing this Viddasala's plans.”

“He didn't reveal anything.”

“We would have been blown up by now, if it weren't for him.”

Ryan yelled at her. “You know nothing. I only ask you this once. Are you going to give us trouble? We have to go after these lunatics and need to stop them. If we find Solas, don't you dare to interfere with anything.” Eirlana glared at him but said nothing.

Ryan growled in anger. For a moment, he looked back towards the way they came from. Then he stepped threatening forward and glared back at her. “I will deal with you later!” Ryan pointed his finger sharp into her face. “We have no time to turn back. But I warn you. If you betray us, I will personally END you!”

For a moment she wanted to snap at him 'I would like to see you try.' But that only would make this situation worse. So she remained silent. Ryan glared at her with such hostility that she knew she never could return to the Winter Palace with them. She would be immediately be imprisoned and interrogated by Leliana. And judging by Ryan's glare, it wouldn't be a 'friendly' interrogation this time. If she wanted to survive, she needed to find Solas or at least these agents of Fen'Harel.

But to reach them she first needed to defeat the Qunari. Judging by the Viddasala's words, she was moving her army towards Solas. Eirlana needed to go through them if she wanted to reach him. Her thoughts halted thinking about the Viddasala. What had she said? That Solas gave his foci to Corypheus. Why would he do that? Why would he let such a powerful relic fall into the hands of a madman?

Puzzled and knowing she had to watch herself, she followed the others.

“Another elven ruin.” Cassandra said as they stepped out of the eluvian. “There! The Qunari must have taken that eluvian.”

Ignoring the suspicious looks towards her, from everyone except Varric, Eirlana looked around. The elven ruin they had stepped into was vast. She stared over the valley onto the ruins that were stretched out all over the next mountaintop. It was vastly overgrown and had crumbled over the ages, but judging by the many towers and arches, it must once have been an enormous complex. Even now, it was a marvel to be seen. She also caught glimpses of several statues of Fen'Harel. They were everywhere. This whole complex must have once belonged to Solas or was dedicated to him. Though nature had clearly taken over, much of the ruins were still intact. It looked beautiful with the many trees and several waterfalls that flowed down the mountainside. She also noticed the reflections of several eluvians spread through the ruins. The most prominent was a giant one, shimmering brightly in the morning sun.

They had fought the whole night through. And now they were tired to the bone, their bodies exhausted from the constant fighting. They also were battered and bruised, and the majority of them nursed significant injuries.

Although their wounds had been healed by magic or potions, the trauma remained. Their bodies hurt, and their healed wounds were painful and sensitive. Ideally, they all should get some rest and sleep, or at least take some time to drink and get a decent meal, but they had no chance, as a new group of Qunari emerged from the eluvian in front of them. They were probably sent by the Viddasala to stop them.

Before they could engage them, Ryan screamed and fell to his knees. He held his left hand, where the Anchor was flashing brightly.

“Stay back!” he yelled. “It's going to... Aaaaaah.” he screamed as the Anchor's magic discharged violently.

They all were flung backwards by the force of the magic unleashed. Ryan staggered back to his feet, holding his arm and breathing heavily. But they had no time to figure out what was going on because the Qunari attacked them. With Ryan still incapacitated, Cassandra stepped forward and rushed the first of the Qunari, bashing him with her shield. Soon also Varric and Vivienne jumped in. Eirlana sprinted towards Ryan, who tried to dismiss her help. But she ignored him and grabbed his arm to at least attempt to repair some of the damage.

The Qunari quickly fell, and Cassandra sheeted her sword before stepping towards them. She looked worried at Ryan's arm that surprisingly was still intact after the violent explosion. “ If it keeps up like this, it will kill you. Solas must help, as he did at Haven.” she said.

“Chuckles. Who apparently works for Fen'Harel. It's always the quiet ones.” Varric mumbled.

“As if that traitor could help. This is so much worse than in Haven. It feels like my arm is going to be ripped off.” Ryan gritted his teeth.

While Eirlana tried to ease his pain, she could feel how the magic was gathering anew within the mark.

“Inquisitor. Try to use the Anchor.”

“What?” he snapped at her. Clearly, he wasn't trusting her any longer.

“Use the Anchor. Maybe we can prevent it from overcharging again. It already is gathering more energy as we speak. Use the magic it accumulates before it gets too strong.”

Reluctantly Ryan used the Anchor. It hurt him, but this time at least he stayed on his feet. “I can't fight like this.”

Cassandra looked grim. “She is right. It looks calmer. Use it as often as you can. Let's move before we run out of time. We have to find Viddasala and Solas.” With determination, she stepped towards the eluvian in pursuit of the Qunari.

They fought dozens of Qunari as they tried to get to the Viddasala. They went through eluvian after eluvian, that brought them to different parts of the ruins. They only caught glimpses of the Viddasala, but again and again, more Qunari were trying to stop them.

In a broken down courtyard, the Viddasala was finally facing them. She was clearly displeased by their continues pursuit. “Saarabas! Meraavas adim kata!” she yelled to the massive saarebas, that was always at her side. Suddenly he leapt into the air and landed in between them and unleashed a massive wave of magic, throwing them off their feet and dispersing them.

“Incoming.” Varric groaned as he got back up.

Ben-Hassrath agents slipped from the shadows, attacking them from all sides. And javelins, thrown by several spearmen landed all around them. Eirlana immediately set up her barriers, trying to keep everyone safe. Ryan and Cassandra engaged the saarebas in the meantime. Dispelling his magical shields with their templar abilities. While Vivienne faced the spearmen by creating a wall of fire on top of them.

Two Ben-Hassrath rogues attacked Eirlana. Striking from opposite sides, they tried to penetrate her defences. Shooting ice at them, she fended them off. Varric also came to her aid by throwing a flask of bees into their middle. They soon were swarmed and stung by the insects.

Suddenly the saarebas threw a massive electrical bolt towards Ryan, hitting him right in his chest. His body convulsed as the electricity surged through his body. At the same time, the Anchor overcharged again in a loud explosion, throwing Cassandra backwards.

“Eirlana!” Cassandra yelled as she got back on her feet and slammed her shield into the saarebas. Next to her, Ryan lay motionless on the ground.

Seeing Ryan was critically injured. Eirlana let out a wave of icy force of her own, freezing and throwing the Ben-Hassrath rogues backwards. They shattered on impact. Dodging several spears, she ran towards Ryan. On her way, she renewed her barriers around everyone.

As she came closer to the saarebas to heal Ryan, she noticed just how powerful the saarebas' magic was. She could feel the lyrium humming within his body. Just how much lyrium had they given him? She wondered. He must be exceptionally strong to survive such quantities.

Cassandra had sweat drip down her face as she attacked the saarebas again and again, but she had a hard time to get a solid hit. As she tried to unbalance the saarebas with a blow from her shield, he suddenly flew up into the sky and landed at the other side of the courtyard. Where he continued to throw his magic towards them. Cassandra growled in frustration and ran towards him, but he had erected a new barrier that repelled both Vivienne's and Varric's attacks. In the meantime, Eirlana managed to revive Ryan. Groaning loudly, he rolled on his side, trying to regain control over his stiff body.

“Inquisitor. Use your mark on the saarebas. I will deal with his shield.” Eirlana instructed him

With effort and her help, Ryan got on his feet. He was visibly in pain and didn't seem to have the energy to object to her any longer. He gritted his teeth and jogged towards the saarebas. With everyone being pre-occupied Eirlana gathered her magic. Making a fist, she slammed her magic onto the shield, shattering it with such a force that the saarebas stumbled. With him being disoriented Ryan activated the Anchor blasting the saarebas even further back with brute force.

The saarebas groaned and grabbed his face as if he was in severe pain. The lyrium in his veins started to glow, and he arched his back in torment. The runes on his collar lit up for a moment, but they didn't seem to able to control the wild surge of magic. With a bang, some of the chains attached to his collar broke off. Freed from his leash, he leapt up in the air again and vanished.

“Saarebas! Meravas! Meravas!” The Viddasala yelled after him, but the saarebas was gone. “You will not leave here, Inquisitor! Antaam, ebrashok adim!”

Even more Qunari troops came towards them to fight, but the Viddasala didn't wait to see the outcome and ran farther into the ruins. After defeating the Qunari, they went after her, only to face more opponents. Eirlana did her best to keep everyone on their feet, handing out regeneration potions and lumps of crystallised honey, that gave their bodies much needed energy. When they finally managed to catch up to Viddasala again, everyone was at their last reserves.

“You are dead, Inquisitor! Your soul is dust!” the Viddasala yelled at them and disappeared through another eluvian. But before they could follow her, the giant saarebas reappeared again. He landed in front of the eluvian and created a forcefield around it. They wouldn't be able to go through it, until they managed to defeat him.

“We are in luck. Looks like we have to face only that thing this time.” Ryan snarled.

With his shield raised, he stormed towards the saarebas, closely followed by Cassandra. In the meanwhile Varric, Vivienne and Eirlana spread out, so they could attack the saarebas from different directions. But what looked like an easy task, not having to deal with other attackers, soon turned more difficult than anticipated. Whatever happened to the saarebas in their previous battle had strengthened him.

Magic swirled around him freely, charging the very air. Electrical charges jumped wildly around, hitting anyone coming to close. Again and again, the saarebas created powerful barriers that nullified their attacks until Ryan or Cassandra managed to dispel them. As the fight went on the saarebas displayed a magical strength they hadn't encountered before. His ability to conjure bolts of magical energy was endless, and he summoned demons to his aid.

Eirlana had to throw her barriers and healing magic constantly on her companions to keep them alive. Several times she was hit by the saarebas magical force, that shattered her barrier and threw her off her feet. That was until she strengthened her barrier enough to deflect his attacks. The battle went on for a long time, and she struggled, not only was she exhausted, but the wounds she had suffered before began to act up again. Her head was pounding, and her ribs hurt with every breath she took.

The others didn't fare much better. She noticed them making mistakes as their bodies gave out, and the fatigue caught up with them. Ryan struggled the most, mainly because he had to use the Anchor again and again. His arm was shaking from the constant pain, as he tried to keep his shield up. Even Cassandra, who hadn't fought as long as they had, was slowing down in her movements.

To her right, Eirlana could hear Varric muttering that his poor Bianca was running low on bolts. The saarebas, on the other hand, didn't slow down at all. Rather the opposite, the longer the battle went on, the more he unleashed his magic.

A pride demon appeared in front of Eirlana. It laughed ominously and slammed its claws charged with electricity repeatedly onto her barrier. She could feel her barrier waver under the pressure, and she wasn't sure how long she could go on like this. Her head hurt, and it was disrupting her flow of magic. Suddenly she could hear something snarl beside her and the Veil twisted from something pushing against it. On instinct, she warped the Veil, creating an opening for whatever was on the other side.

Time slowed down as a great spirit wolf appeared beside her. All around her, the world was almost at a standstill while she still could move normally. She stared at the wolf. It looked in its shape like a huge grey wolf, but its body was made from a silvery-white light. Two intelligent golden eyes stared back at her before it leapt onto the pride demon and tore its head off. Then in a flash of light, it flew from demon to demon, until all were defeated and disappeared. It ended its attack by smashing the saarebas' shield. The wolf then returned to her. It nudged her hand affectionately and rubbed its whole body against her, wagging its tail. Perplexed Eirlana let her fingers glide through its fur made of light, as she stroked the wolf her headache lessened and her energy slowly returned. The wolf let out a happy bark before it disappeared again.

As soon as it was gone, time began to flow again. Her companions stumbled at the sudden disappearance of the demons. Nobody but Eirlana apparently had seen the wolf that had come to her aid. With her renewed energy Eirlana attacked the saarebas, bombarding him with her ice magic. The others also took advantage of his shattered barrier and attacked with everything they got left. Despite the saarebas being vulnerable, it still felt like hours until the saarebas finally staggered. For a moment it looked like he recovered by igniting the lyrium in his veins, though this time something went wrong. He arched his back and lifted from the ground, but he somehow got stuck. He was trapped in some sort of stasis, and their attacks couldn't reach him any longer. Wild magic kept leaping of off him, and they had to continuously dodge to avoid being hit.

Varric cursed loudly as he shot one of his last bolts at the saarebas. “Shit! Is there no end to this thing.”

“Use the mark!” Cassandra yelled desperately at Ryan.

They all held their breath as Ryan activated the mark again. Somehow the unleashed energy reached the saarebas, and at last, his dead body fell to the ground. Finally, the fight was over.

For a moment, they stared at each other. They all were panting heavily, trying to catch their breath after the difficult combat. The barrier blocking the eluvian had disappeared with the death of the saarebas.

Ryan held his hand, struggling to keep the Anchor under control.

“We have to hurry!” he panted and moved towards the eluvian.

As soon as he stepped through it, the eluvian went dark.

“NO!” Eirlana yelled as the eluvian became inactive. She ran towards the mirror and pressed against the glass, but she couldn't get through.

#dragon age #dragon age inquisition #dragon age solas #Solas #solas romance #solas x oc #fanfic #eirlana #flame of winter

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