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pipedream-parrish · 3 years

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Happy 34th birthday, Twinyards

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It is Aaron’s 14th birthday and he has just found out that he has a brother - a twin brother, an identical twin brother, who looks exactly like him and might just understand him, too. His mom didn’t do anything for his birthday - she hasn’t since he was little, or maybe those long-forgotten memories were really just dreams that have managed to worm their way so deep into his psyche that he’s accepted them as truth. The kids at school sang to him, which was fine, but Aaron can’t help but think maybe now it will be different. Maybe once he meets this brother of his, then they can celebrate their birthdays together. Maybe they can give each other presents, and eat cake, and blow out the candles using the combined forces of their breath. Maybe, maybe, maybe.

(Andrew spends this birthday choking down cake that Cas got him, trying to hide the fresh marks on his arm, and thinking about the best way to keep his mysterious brother as far away from him as possible)

((one month later, Aaron receives a letter in the mail. He couldn’t tell you everything it said - he just knows that all of these maybes have just been thrown into the middle of a busy highway to be crushed under uncaring tires.))

Its Aaron’s 15th birthday and his mother has celebrated by beating the shit out of him and then throwing a random assortment of pills from the bottom of her purse in his direction as an apology, and Aaron cannot help but think that maybe it won’t have to be like this anymore. He thinks about what Andrew said (Andrew, who really does look just like him, and who seemed so angry about Tilda, and seemed to believe that Aaron didn’t deserve, that he deserved good things--) had said to him, thinks about how maybe when Andrew moves his mom will stop it, maybe it’ll be alright, maybe nothing will hurt anymore and everything will be okay and he’ll have a brother. It’ll be the two of them against the world, and Aaron may not know this other boy all that well, but he promised to protect him, so that must mean something, right? Even if before that he said he didn’t want anything to do with Aaron, he changed his mind, and thats what matters, right? Right? And so when Aaron blows out the birthday candles that he bought for himself at eh convenience store the night before, he wishes for his brother to come home soon, and for them to be a family like they were supposed to be. Like he deserves.

((Six months later, Tilda is dead and Aaron has stopped believing in family.))

iii

It is Andrews’s 16th birthday and he has not spoken more than two words to his brother for most of the year, but Nicky tries to force them to do something, to celebrate, to be normal teenagers for once. Andrew leaves halfway through the elaborate dinner that Nicky has prepared, and pretends not to see the sad look he aims at his retreating back. Pretends that he doesn’t care what Nicky thinks of him, what Aarons thinks of him. Pretends that he stopped caring about Cass, that actually he didn’t care about that, either. Pretends and pretends and pretends, and convinces everyone but himself.

((He’s not so great at lying to himself yet. He’ll get better with age.))

Late that night, after he’s heard everyone else going to bed, he sneaks downstairs and steals a slice of the double-chocolate cake that Nicky got them. There are already a couple of slices out from where Nicky and Aaron had some, so hopefully, this moment of weakness will go unnoticed.

(Aaron spends his 16th birthday sad and mourning, refusing to look his brother in the eye. When he blows out the birthday candles with no help from a magical brother, he wishes that he never met Andrew in the first place. Not that he believes in magic or wishes or anything good at all, anymore. He barely has a bite of his cake before leaving the table. He, too, pretends not to see Nicky’s teary eyes as he leaves him standing alone in the kitchen, the remnants of a wasted attempt at love scattered all around him)

((he, too, is not so great at lying to himself yet. He, too, will get better with age))

(Nevertheless, when he hears Andrew come downstairs in the dead of night, he creeps into the hallway to watch his petty theft)

((He never mentions it.))

It is Andrew’s 17th birthday and he is so high off the ground that he never even realizes the date.

Or maybe he does and just forgets.

The meds are still new, and he’s not used to them yet. Not used to the loudness, and brightness, and plastered on a smile. His cheeks hurt all the time now - he is constantly working muscles that have not had much use, the last couple of years

(the last couple of lifetimes)

Needless to say, it is Andrew’s 17th birthday and he does not even realize it, and instead, he spends it in his room, his precious room that has a lock that works, coming apart at all his frying edges. Boys like him were never meant to grow old. Boys like him were never meant to last. And so he lays there and shakes uncontrollably, and laughs, too, tells himself this is fine, he’s fine it’s all fine and knows better than to believes it. Perhaps it is a mercy, that he eventually gets used to the meds.

Perhaps it is not.

(Aaron doesn’t celebrate his birthday, either. Instead, he picks up extra shifts at Edens and goes to bed early.

He cannot wait to leave this fucking house)

It is Aaron’s 18th birthday, meaning that he is a legal adult. He finds this funny. He has always been an adult; he was an adult when he was four and creeping across the house on silent feet to steal crackers from the pantry because mom forgot to feed him; he was an adult when he was 10 and forging his mothers signature on school papers, and making excuses for why she couldn’t come into parent-teacher conference night; he was an adult when he was sitting across from his reflection in a juvenile detention facility, and promised protection. One more birthday doesn’t mean shit.

(Andrew agrees. He, too, has been an adult for as long as he can remember.)

((Still, when Nicky slips cards under each of their doors wishing them a happy birthday and telling them he’s proud of them, and that he hopes that adulthood treats them right, well. If Aaron squeezes his eyes shut as hard as he can to prevent the tears from escaping, and if Andrew tares it up into a million pieces because it almost makes him feel something, then no one needs to know))

It is November 4th, and the newly-coined monsters are in Columbia, just like they are most weekends. They make the same stops as always, go to the same club, the same restaurant.

Never once is the word birthday mentioned.

vii

It is Andrew’s 20th birthday and he is about to make one of the worst mistakes of his life. For now, he sits against the windowsill, watching his smoke dissipate into the afternoon air, absently listening to the sounds of Nicky and Aaron’s video game wash over him. He’s grinning, as is usually is these days, and if he was capable of having a long-lasting coherent thought, he would want to carve that grin off his face.

Alas, he is not capable of long-lasting coherent thought. Oh well. Perhaps it’s for the best.

Renee got him a gift. Silly Renee. Always so nice, so kind, even to monsters like him. Hasn’t she learned better than that by now? It seems not.

When Nicky receives a phone call that leaves him in a panic, it is almost enough to garner Andrew’s attention.

Almost.

When he leaves the room in a rush only to come beach with Neil, the enigma, the hallucination, the rabbit, in tow behind him, Andrew actually does start to pay attention. Only a little though.

When Neil pulls him aside, and asks for the unimaginable, and then manages to make it seem like a good idea, well. Andrew’s interest has been peaked, and he agrees. Why not? It might be fun. Might be, might be, might be.

(It’s not. It’s not fun at all, and if nothing else then Andrew is finally allowed to leave that smile behind for good. Happy birthday to me, happy birthday to me, happy birthday dear Andrew, happy birthday to me!)

((Aaron spends his birthday playing video games and wondering why the new kid holds such sway over his brother. When he looks back on that day, he will not remember any of that. He will only remember that that was the day everything went wrong, and he was unable to fix it.))

viii

It is Andrew’s 21st birthday, and it might just be a good one. No alarm wakes him up in the morning, even though he’s sure he set it last night, meaning he gets to sleep in. When he wakes up it’s to Neil bustling about the dorm room, clearly searching for something.

“Practice?” Andrew asks and is told in no uncertain terms that they will be blowing it off for the day. Yes, today is shaping up to be a good one.

Instead, they go out driving, blazing down empty roads as fast as the mas will take them, eating up millage and gas money and caring at all. Neil rolls down the window and lets out victorious whoops into the still afternoon, the wind flushing his cheeks and tousling his hair. Andrew almost thinks something disgustingly sappy about that but is able to rain in his own brain just in time.

They got greasy diner food for lunch, and Andrew orders a massive ice cream Sunday that Neil doesn’t comment on. They go back to Fox Tower and lounge around their dorm, kissing and smoking and playing video games. They have pancakes for dinner, and Kevin doesn’t bother them once about going to tonight’s practice. Andrew goes to bed full and sated, and almost, almost, happy. It’s a good birthday.

((the next day at therapy, Aaron complains that he didn’t get to skip practice yesterday. Andrew shrugs and says that he should take notes for next year. It’s almost an invitation. Almost, but not quite.))

It is Aarons’s 22nd birthday, and he takes a leaf out of Andrew’s book and skips practice. He and Katelyn drive into town, and walk up and down the streets, popping into stores at random and picking out delightfully ugly things for the other to buy. In one shop, Katelyn shows Aaron a shirt made from a disgusting green fabric with the gaudiest floral pattern he’s ever seen. In another, Aaron finds shimmering, sparkle filled pink and purple shoes with a six-inch heel. They both nearly get sick from laughing. That night, they go out to the fanciest restaurant they can afford and get wine drunk. Aaron tells Katelyn that he loves her, which is something that he’s told her a million times before, but that doesn’t stop it from mattering. This will always matter. She will always matter. He looks at her, just looks at her, and thinks about how lucky he is to have this. And he thinks about Andrew, just for a second, curses him for keeping her from Aaron. But then, for an even shorter second, the thought occurs to him. I hope he’s as happy right now with Neil as I am with her.

((Andrew may not show it the same way, but he is. He is.))

It is their 25 birthday now (which it longer than either of them thought they would live), and after years of therapy and working through their issues, Aaron has decided once again that he wants a brother. And so he books a flight to Boston, and buys a ticket to Andrews game, and watches his brother play exy on their birthday. Their birthday. Sometimes he still forgets that they are a “they” now. He'll still say my birthday, my mom, my cousin, my family. But it's not just his, and so he meets Andrew at the player’s exit after the game and forces him to go to dinner with him. And they spend their birthday together, just the two of them, for the first time since they were born. And its-

Well, it’s not bad. It's kind of nice, actually. Stilted, at first, and undoubtedly awkward, but.

But they’re still brothers, even after everything. They share family and history and most of their DNA, so it seems right that they also share a dinner. And they talk, about Andrew’s pro team and Aarons residency, and about halfway through Aaron realizes that even though he was the one who forced this, Andrew isn’t trying to stop it. He came with him to dinner, and he’s talked more in the last hour then Aaron thinks he ever has before, and Aaron realizes that he wants this too. Andrew wants a brother too. They part ways outside - Andrew doesn’t offer to drive him back to his hotel or to let him stay at his apartment, but that’s ok.

Because Andrew wants this too.

Andrew wants this too.

epilogue

It is the Minyard twins’ 34th birthday, and as has become a tradition they are each awoken by a phone call from Nicky. Aaron only grumbles for a moment before Katelyn is handing his phone to him and he’s picking up. Andrew takes longer, turning over and burying his face in Neil’s neck for a second or a minute or a year, before finally grabbing his phone. To be fair, it’s about 2 hours earlier for him than for his brother. When he was younger he would hang up, and Nicky would call back, and he’d hang up again, until around the third call when he would finally give in and answer and phone. He doesn’t hang up anymore. He supposes that he’s grown. It’s a facetime call, so he’s greeted with Nicky’s over-enthusiastic smile and Aarons bedhead that looks so much like his own. He props himself up on some pillows so that he’s nearly in a sitting position, and gives a halfhearted wave. Beside him, Neil stays lying down, curling himself into Andrew’s side. Andrew absently starts carding his fingers through his hair. Nicky starts to talk, telling them about the business, and the adoption process, and the cute thing that his and Erik’s dog did. King jumps up onto Andrew’s chest, and then there’s a lot of cooing over how cute she is. She starts to lick at Andrew’s temple, which makes everyone laugh and Andrew rolls his eyes. It’s ok. He doesn’t really mind. Aaron talks about the hospital, and then his toddler (who is really more of a kid now, she’s getting so big holy shit) bursts into the room, climbing up onto the bed. She says hi to her Uncle Andy (Neil taught her to say that when she was a baby, and it tuck. Again, Andrew doesn’t really mind) and Uncle Neil, and her cousins Nicky and Erik. they talk more, Andrew waking up and partaking in the conversion, occasionally mouthing things to Neil in Russian to make him laugh. He loves it when Neil laughs (he’s not so concerned with not thinking sappy things anymore).

It’s a good start to a good day. They order take out and eat it on the floor, just like they do every year. Neil gets him a cake, and he sings happy birthday, just like they do every year.

A plane ride away, Aaron and Katelyn hire a babysitter and go out to dinner, just like they do every year. Katelyn gets him a loudly collared tie, just like she does every year.

It’s a good day for both boys (who are now much closer to men), but more than that, it is a good day for both brothers. For that is undoubtedly what they are now. Brothers.

That night, they both get a text from Betsy. It says Happy birthday, my lovely boys. I hope this year treats you well.

And then it does.

It does.

thanks for reading! if you reblog i’ll love you forever :)

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missjosie27 · 4 years

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Year 3 Part 3- Access Denied

Hey, guys! Really short chapter but the future ones will be much longer. Already at work for Year 4! Nothing much to say except I hope you enjoy! Bigger things are yet to come!

‘Work’ proved to be an understatement during the month of September.

With the addition of two electives, school work suddenly became much more difficult to manage. Of the ones David took, Care of Magical Creatures turned out to be quite wild. He didn’t really have much interest in animals but having Charlie in the class certainly helped him get along (though he remained hopeful about possibly seeing a dragon). The class was run by a rather eccentric man by the name of Silvanus Kettleburn, who had been at Hogwarts since the 1940s. That longevity was evidenced by the sheer number of injuries he had sustained during his time spent with creatures which included but was not limited too- a fake prosthetic leg, an eyepatch over his left eye, and a metal claw for a hand. Though Professor Kettleburn preached safety and caution, he himself did not always live up to such standards, as he constantly was being healed by Madam Pomfrey. Case and point was the first day when he received severe burns from fire salamanders.

“This is nothing,” Charlie told him afterwards. “Legend has it that he was ten times more energetic than this back in the day. The previous Headmaster Armando Dippet placed him on probation sixty two times!”

Such a comforting thought.

There was no immediate risk of injury in Ancient Runes though David could tell right away that the class would not be easy. Professor Octavius was an extremely competent man at his subject but deciphering and learning ancient languages, codes, and other magical artifacts was not for the faint of heart. Bill Weasley told him that it was useful for curse breaking and one of the main reasons he took it was the focus on Ancient Egypt. He would hold off making a judgement just yet. Either way, it meant more homework for all of them.

Adding on to this was his own personal popularity. As he was reminded by Rowan, any secret at Hogwarts didn’t remain one for long. As returning students recovered from the shock of the previous year, rumors spread quicker than wildfire about his involvement in the cursed ice vault. Far from being seen as mad or miniature version of his brother, most regarded him as a hero who saved the school. The Slytherins weren’t too keen on congratulating him but aside from Merula and her squad he didn’t face much trouble from them either. It was an unfamiliar feeling, but David couldn’t deny it felt good.

Combining all of these factors, and the possibility of learning more about his brother at Hogsmeade, he was becoming increasingly distracted which would later come back to bite him.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Two weeks before Hogsmeade, Professor McGonagall made an appearance in the Gryffindor common room to collect all the permission slips.

“All third years please line up with your written signatures from your parents. The first Hogsmeade weekend will be October 14th on Saturday,” she announced.

David, Charlie, Rowan wasted no time in dashing upstairs with Ben in tow. Even Jae seemed eager to stamp his ticket to the all wizarding village.

“Is Hogsmeade really all it’s cracked up to be?” Ben asked. “My parents couldn’t understand the appeal, but they allowed me to go anyway.”

“Trust me, mate. You’re going to have your mind blown by how amazing Hogsmeade is,” David told him enthusiastically. He’d personally never been but his parents and brother had regaled him many times about it…before the dark times.

“Bill’s gone loads of times,” Charlie added. “Says the experience never gets old. Even as you get older.”

“Especially since it will allow me to meet with contacts a lot more,” Jae said, giving a shifty grin. No one bothered to ask him what that meant. Sometimes with Jae it was better not to know.

By the time they reached Professor McGonagall, the girls had already turned theirs in (Olivia Miller was already giggling about a new brand of nail polish). However, when David approached his head of house she frowned.

“Mr. Grant please step to one side.”

He obeyed but did not like the way she looked at him when she said. Any time Minerva McGonagall used that tone it meant nothing positive.

“I’m sorry, Grant but I cannot allow you to visit Hogsmeade.”

David picked at his ear and strained in order to ensure he heard her correctly.

“I’m sorry, what?”

“You heard me, Mr. Grant.”

He began sputtering like an old worn out automobile.

“But-but…why?”

“Unfortunately, I am under specific instructions to forbid you to leave school grounds even with a permission slip.”

Instant indignation crept into his bones as he tried to resist giving a trademark sardonic remark.

“My parents, of all people, signed this slip. Now all of a sudden for no apparent reason I’m not allowed to go? How the hell is that fair?”

For a second he feared going too far with McGonagall, but thankfully she did not take away points.

“You seem to forget why you are at Hogwarts in the first place. Given your disregard for school rules, endangerment of others, and lack of self control, I have plenty of reason to prevent you from going to Hogsmeade.”

“I promised I’d meet Hagrid and meet Madam Rosmerta at the Three Broomsticks,” David continued to complain. “Professor, she knows more about my brother.”

He thought a family appeal might soften her heart, but he thought wrong as the Transfiguration master held firm and her posture was as uptight as ever.

“You are demonstrating my point. Like your brother you are too focused on trivial matters as opposed to your grades and schoolwork. Do not think I haven’t noticed the slip in your marks.”

“Oh, come on, I always get top marks in your class.”

“It is not my class that the concern stems from,” Professor McGonagall huffed, and David swore he saw the steam coming out of her nostrils. “Professor Flitwick has informed me that your charm work has suffered considerably since last year. If you want to earn Hogsmeade privileges, you will need to earn them Mr. Grant. And nothing you say will change my mind until I see evidence of that fact.”

David wanted to scream, shout, stomp his foot, do anything to show he wasn’t going to take this lying down. That he was not being held to the same standard as everyone else. How many poor marks had Jae received in his time at Hogwarts. He knew that either his parents or Dumbledore was behind this. Yet, there was little choice but to take her words in stride.

“Yes, Professor.”

“Good.”

As she walked away, no one looked him in eye (Charlie began whistling), not even the older students. David began muttering under his breath before a familiar voice began chastising him.

“Grant, don’t blame McGonagall. I know she’s tough, but she also has a point.”

He saw it was Angelica Cole and resisted the urge to roll his eyes.

“Oh boy what a shocker. The person who enforces the rules supports the person who also enforces the rules. What a coincidence.”

“I’m well versed to your quips by now,” his prefect told him. He was almost as tall as her by now yet her stern gaze did not waver. “And you need to approach this differently.”

“Don’t pretend you’re any more objective than she was,” he shot back. “I know I lose as many house points as I gain but can you not point out my every flaw for once?”

“I’m not telling you this because I want to kick you while you’re down, Grant. Do as she says: study hard, improve in charms and she will treat you fairly. You know this as well as I do.”

There was something odd about the way she was speaking to him. In the previous two years, she would have been either condescending or lecturing. But ever since the incident with Ammon Lucian and helping Blishwick defend his sister’s honor her attitude towards him had noticeably changed.

“Why are you saying this?”

“Because I’m trying to help you. You’re more than just Jacob Grant’s little brother and you’ve shown that time and again. Now it’s time for you to show you’re also more than wisecracks and causing trouble.”

If he didn’t know better David could have sworn he saw an uptick in Angelica’s mouth as she walked away. Almost as though she were humoring him in her own unique way. He almost didn’t notice Rowan come up behind him.

“I’m sorry that happened, Dave,” he said. “In front of everyone no less.”

“It’s alright,” he said shrugging.

“For the record I don’t agree with Professor McGonagall banning you from going to Hogsmeade. But there is a bright side to this.”

“Which is?”

“You still have a couple weeks to raise your grades in order to come with the rest of us. And I’m not going without you.”

David gave a reluctant grin. He also knew that Rowan despite his misgivings was also ensuring he met with Madam Rosmerta in order to learn more about Jacob. He was also being a good friend.

“Well then, guess we better hit the books.”

“I’ve studied in nearly one hundred places all across Hogwarts and I can safely conclude that the library is the most efficient place to improve one’s marks in a subject in two weeks’ time.”

Thinking back to what Angelica told him, David gave an affirming nod. He wasn’t going to let a minor inconvenience like a bad charms grade stop him from going to Hogsmeade.

“Then that’s where we’re going next. Let’s go.”

#year 3 #hphm #hphm fanfiction #fanfiction #hogwarts mystery #david grant #rowan khanna #charlie weasley #jae kim #ben copper #angelica cole #gryffindor #minerva mcgonagall

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galxcs · 4 years

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Drunken Nights

Link to AO3

Chapter Nine (Eight) (Seven) (Six) (Five) (Four) (Three) (Two) (One)

The beginning of the year went by extraordinarily fast (like every year), and Christmas was approaching in just a couple weeks. James and Peter were bustling around the room excitedly, practically speaking over each other as they told of the exciting breaks they were going to have.

Peter was going to Ireland with his family and was mostly excited because he was going to see some professional Quidditch games. James was going to stay in a wizard resort as a celebration for his father getting a promotion at work.

Remus was having a hard time listening to the boys rambling because somewhere deep in his skin he could feel the moon tugging at him, a reminder of the full moon that was to come that night. It felt like Remus and the moon were two magnets being held close to each other, never touching, but always connected by some unseen force.

His skin itched, and he had a queasy feeling in his stomach from not eating all day. He tried to get his mind off of it, but nothing that he thought about could keep him from eventually returning to the numerous memories he had of his skin painfully changing into the monster that he was.

He felt worse than he had in a really long time, and he tried to swallow his feelings, drowning in his thoughts and the pain that was consuming his mind. He felt like a dam about to burst, and so he tried to glue the dam back together, sitting still, and forcing his head to stop thinking.

Remus held his breath, feeling like if he let himself even breathe, something would come spilling out. His heart was pounding hard against his chest, and he felt dizzy from the panic attack that he was trying to contain.

Sirius was laying on his stomach, his legs kicked in the air next to Remus on his bed. He had been awfully quiet during James and Peter’s conversation, and Remus wished they would stop talking. While Peter and James were going on vacation, Sirius would have to return home, and things were worse than usual with his parents at the moment.

Sirius was playing some muggle card game by himself that Remus thought he had seen his mom playing once. His hair had grown out since the day his parents had cut it and was curling softly around his ears. Remus watched his hands picking up and flipping cards instead of thinking about how he could smell every single scent in the room thanks to the wolf. It was a good distraction; watching Sirius.

As if Sirius could sense Remus watching him, he turned his head around, looking at where Remus was leaning against the headboard. Sirius didn’t say anything; he just stared at Remus like he always did, so Remus stayed back, waiting for him to say something.

Sirius sat up, ruining his game, and flipped around so that he was leaning against the headboard also. Remus could feel Sirius’ shoulder pressed against his, and wondered if Sirius would be able to feel how tense he was, just from the set of his shoulders.

“How are you feeling?” Sirius asked quietly.

Remus couldn’t tell if he was being quiet so that James and Peter wouldn’t hear, or because he was trying not to interrupt the conversation that they were still having about their trips.

He shrugged, his shoulder pressing even closer against Sirius. “M’fine.”

Remus already felt like he was going to cry, and Sirius had barely said anything to him.

“Fine?” Sirius said, his gray eyes boring into Remus’ side.

“Yeah, fine,” Remus repeated, clenching his teeth against a particularity painful tug at his stomach, like the moon was already trying to claim him. He tried to avoid Sirius’ gaze, keeping his eyes trained on his lap.

“Bullshit,” Sirius scoffed. “I can see the way you’re sitting. It’s worse than usual isn’t it?”

Remus let out a sigh. “It’s nothing I can’t handle.”

“I know you can handle it, Moony. I just don’t appreciate you lying and saying that you’re fine when you obviously aren’t.”

“If you already knew the answer, then why did you even ask?” Remus asked feeling irritated.

He wasn’t actually mad, it was just easier to argue with Sirius than think about what was going to happen that night. Sirius gave Remus a cold stare, his shoulders tensing against Remus just as much as Remus’ were. He looked like he was going to say something, but he was stopped by James.

“You two coming? We’re going to the Great Hall.” Peter and James were by the door, looking at Sirius and Remus.

“Yeah, coming,” Remus said weakly.

“Give us a few minutes. We’ll meet you guys there in a bit,” Sirius said, laying his hand on Remus’ arm to keep him from getting up.

Remus narrowed his eyes at Sirius, crossing his arms over his chest.

“Sounds good, see ya there,” James said, giving them a little salute before leaving the room, Peter in tow.

Once they were completely gone, Sirius’ face grew much warmer than it had been a second ago, and he looked at Remus sincerely.

“Talk to me,” he said, almost pleadingly.

Remus let out a shaky breath, finally giving in, and leaned down so that he could rest his head on Sirius’ shoulder. Almost immediately, Sirius brought his hand up, combing through Remus’ hair gently with his fingers. It was something that he had started doing recently whenever they were near each other, and Remus couldn’t complain.

“I’m just so tired,” Remus finally said.

“Do you want to take a nap? I can bring you up some food for when you wake up,” Sirius offered, his fingers grazing behind Remus’ ear.

“No, not like that. I’m tired.”

Sirius’ fingers faltered, but after a moment, he continued, brushing a piece of hair back that had fallen in Remus’ face. It reminded him so much of that night more than a month ago that Sirius had pushed him against the wall and kissed him. It almost hurt to think about just as much as the pain Remus was feeling at the moment.

“I’m tired of all of it,” Remus continued. “I’m tired of feeling like this every month. I’m tired of the fear. I feel like this werewolf thing isn’t just once every month because I’m constantly thinking about it, constantly dreaming of it, and constantly worrying about when it will come again. It haunts me in the mornings, at school, at night, when I’m with friends. It’s all the time.

“And then there’s the fact that ever since I started getting older, I’ve been able to smell things and hear things that I didn’t used to be able to, which sounds cool in theory, but it’s so overwhelming, Sirius. I can’t think or concentrate anymore. Sometimes I find myself scrambling to remember what a professor said because I was focused on the sounds outside the door or sick from the scent of the girls perfume who sits next to me.”

“Who’s perfume?” Sirius asked.

“The perfume doesn’t matter,” Remus muttered. “What matters is that I’m tired of feeling like a nuisance all the time. I’m so thankful for you all. You becoming animagus for me was the greatest thing that anyone has ever done, but lately I feel like it’s just a fun night for James and Peter, and I know that you all care, and I know that I’m just being a big baby about it, but it’s not fun for me, and I hate that you even do this for me. I’m not scared for just the transformation. I keep having these dreams where I wake up and you’re all,” Remus choked on his words, tears escaping his eyes, “you’re all dead, and it’s my fault.”

Remus didn’t realize that he was shaking until he was finished talking. Sometime while he was speaking, he had turned against Sirius so that Sirius was hugging him, Remus’ face buried in Sirius’ neck. Sirius was brushing his back gently with his fingertips, and Remus could feel his tears soaking into Sirius’ dark shirt.

“I’m sorry,” he sobbed.

Remus could feel Sirius move his fingers back to his hair, tightening there in a way that should have been painful but was more grounding.

“Don’t apologize for letting yourself feel,” Sirius said. Remus had heard many different types of pain in Sirius’ voice before, but this one was new.

Remus wrapped his arms tighter around Sirius, feeling himself sob against him. “I’m tired of being like this.”

“Like what?” Sirius whispered.

“Like a monster.” Remus responded, his lips brushing against Sirius’ neck from how he was burrowed against him.

“You are not a monster, Remus.” Sirius responded, that pain that Remus heard earlier back in his voice.

Sirius pulled away from Remus, keeping one of his hands tucked around his back, his thumb brushing against his hip. He brought his other hand to Remus’ chin, tipping his head up so that Remus would meet his eyes.

“You’re not,” he said, brushing tears away from Remus’ eyes with his thumb.

“Why not? All the textbooks say I am,” Remus muttered, his voice breaking with the pain that he had been trying to hold in for so long. “All the students would say I am, and their parents, and the Ministry.”

“Because I know you.” Sirius said, searching Remus’ eyes. “You’re favorite season is fall because you love carving pumpkins and drinking spiced teas. You sleep curled up against anything warm because you’re always so damn cold. You wish on every single shooting star that you see, no matter what. You wear sweaters every day because they’re warm, and you like being able to pull your hands into the sleeves. If anyone compliments you, you’re entire face turns red. You smile every time you hear someone laugh, even if it’s someone you don’t know.”

Sirius tipped Remus’ head back so that he was looking at him because Remus had ducked it again, unable to look Sirius in the eye. Sirius searched Remus’ eyes, his thumb absently tracing up Remus’ jaw, and Remus held his breath.

“I know you,” Sirius whispered. “And you’re everything that’s good in this world.”

Remus didn’t know when their faces had gotten so close together, but he could feel Sirius’ breath against his face, and could count each of Sirius’ dark eyelashes. Sirius’ hands trembled for a second against Remus’ face, and Remus leaned in just slightly.

That was all that it took for Sirius to lean forward, closing the gap between them.

He kissed Remus softly, sucking away a teardrop that had fallen onto Remus’ lips. He brought both of his hands up to cup Remus’ face, his fingers burying themselves in his hair.

Remus sat frozen, unable to move. Here was Sirius in front of him, kissing away his tears, his hands holding him up so gently, and Remus didn’t want to care about the consequences for a second. He wanted to feel how he felt the night of the party. For once, he didn’t want to feel tired, and he didn’t have the energy to hold back anymore.

He returned the kiss, leaning closer against Sirius, and tucking his hands against Sirius’ chest. The moment that Remus returned the kiss, Sirius breathed out a sigh into Remus’ mouth, his hand grabbing onto Remus’ hip, pulling him closer against his chest.

Remus felt dizzy with emotions. With each kiss, he felt a little less broken, and for once he wasn’t thinking about the moon that was tugging just under his skin, or the night that was ahead of him, or the pain in his stomach. He lost himself in their kiss, letting Sirius tip him down so that his back was against the mattress with Sirius laying propped up on his elbows above him.

Sirius broke away to kiss down Remus’ neck, and Remus tipped his head back, his breath catching in his throat as Sirius stopped to suck at the skin over his pulse. Remus buried one of his hands in Sirius’ hair, his other hand trailing up Sirius’ back. He felt Sirius groan against his neck, pulling away, so he could return back to Remus’ mouth, kissing him with a newfound intensity.

Sirius swallowed Remus’ soft gasp, biting gently at his lip. His hand moved to Remus’ stomach, his fingers grazing the hem of Remus’ shirt. Remus flinched away from Sirius’ fingers, burying himself against the mattress, and his hand tightening on Sirius’ shoulder.

“I’ve seen your scars, Remus,” Sirius whispered above him, his fingers still playing with the hem of his shirt.

Remus nodded, letting out a shaky breath, and pulled Sirius back to his mouth. Sirius obliged, slowly slipping his hand under Remus’ shirt. His palm was like a hot weight against Remus’ skin, tracing up over the scars that Remus had been so careful to hide.

It was dizzying, the way that Sirius could touch him and make him feel like everything was on fire. Or maybe it was just him that was on fire, burning under Sirius’ mouth. If this was what it felt like to be set aflame, Remus would light the match himself.

Remus arched against Sirius, feeling as though he couldn’t get close enough. The movement made Sirius moan against his lips, which sent a shiver down Remus’ spine, and Sirius’ hand tightened in his hair. Sirius pressed closer to Remus, letting some of his weight fall against his side, one leg tucked between Remus’ knees, so that Sirius could continue running his hand along the planes of Remus’ chest.

Remus had never felt anything like these kisses before. He had never felt the heat that was pooling deep in his stomach, or the desperate feeling that was radiating off of every touch of Sirius’ lips against his, and every slide of Sirius’ hand against his skin.

There was a moment when all Remus could hear was the beautiful sound of their breaths intertwining. Remus was falling so far down, that there was no way back up again. He felt himself wrapping a leg around Sirius, wanting to keep him there against him for as long as possible. Sirius made a sound in the back of his throat, and his breathing picked up, hot and heavy against Remus’ mouth. He reached down and dragged his hand up Remus’ thigh, pulling away and burying his face against Remus’ neck.

“Remus, I—” he started, his voice low and filled with wanting.

Sirius didn’t get to finish his sentence because somewhere deep in the back of Remus’ brain, his ear picked up on a loud noise outside the hallway, and Remus shoved Sirius off him, pulling his shirt down over his stomach. Sirius looked dazed and confused as Remus scrambled into a sitting position, looking towards the door.

Just then, James and Peter entered the room laughing.

“You two just missed my best prank of the year!” James exclaimed, not yet looking at Remus and Sirius. “We had to come back early because of it.”

Remus could feel Sirius looking at him out of the corner of his vision, but he kept his eyes carefully on James. James jumped onto Remus’ bed, right between him and Sirius, and Remus was thankful for the separation.

“So there I was, minding my own business,” James started.

Remus never actually heard what the prank was because although he nodded along, trying to keep his face looking neutral, his mind was racing with thoughts of what had just happened. He could still feel Sirius’ touch lingering on his skin, and could see Sirius continuously trying to get Remus’ attention as James talked, but Remus avoided his gaze.

When James was done with his story, Remus got up, and quickly left the room, muttering something about finding some food, even though the last thing he wanted to do was eat. He waited around the corner, knowing that Sirius would follow him, and he watched Sirius race out of the room, heading down the stairs quickly, unknowing that Remus was behind him.

Once a few minutes had passed, Remus decided the coast was clear, and rushed down the stairs, leaving the common room, and making his way down the halls. He hadn’t known where he was headed until suddenly his feet had carried him to the library.

He must have known internally that this was where he needed to be because a wave of calm washed through him. The weight that had been clouding his head ever since James and Peter had interrupted him and Sirius suddenly cleared, and Remus felt like he could finally breathe.

There was an isle of books that had a table hidden slightly in an alcove that Remus always went to when he needed to hide, and he found his feet carrying himself there on their own. He walked down the narrow space between the two shelves, trailing his fingers over dusty book bindings.

When he got to the end where the alcove was, he noticed a pair of feet kicked up on the only chair that was visible. He peaked around the corner and wasn’t expecting Amanda to glance up from the book she was reading. For some reason, Remus was happy to see a friend right now. He thought it might be a good distraction.

“Remus!” Amanda said brightly, taking her feet down from the chair so he could sit.

“Hey, you stole my alcove,” Remus joked, sitting down across from her.

“You’re alcove,” she said, feigning shocked annoyance. “I’ll have you know I’ve been coming here since third year.”

“Ha, I’ve been coming since first year,” Remus countered.

Amanda sighed, a smile tugging at her lips. “Okay, you win.”

“Sorry, I don’t mean to interrupt you. I can find somewhere else,” Remus offered, hoping beyond hope that she would let him stay or else Remus would have to think about things that he wasn’t ready to think about yet.

“No! Stay,” Amanda beamed. “I was just doing fun reading, so you’re not interrupting anything.”

Remus and Amanda talked for a while. It was good to talk to somebody who wasn’t a Marauder. He loved them to death, but he forgot how nice it was to pretend like he didn’t have any problems. He could just talk about dumb things like visiting Diagon Alley, or how the Charms professor had his mustache accidentally burned off by a student.

As they talked, Remus’ ears slowly cleared of sound. Less students were ambling down isles and dropping books. There wasn’t anymore librarians talking in hushed tones to confused first years who still hadn’t learned where anything was. Remus could feel that it was getting later, and dread started to settle in. He was just thinking about what excuse he could give Amanda for why he needed to leave when a loud sound cut through the the stillness of the library.

“Remus!” James’ voice rang over the bookshelves.

Remus snapped his head up, almost jumping at the sound of his name so loud.

“You in here?”

There was a loud ruckus and Remus could hear a librarian scolding him.

“You better go see what James wants,” Amanda said, trying to stifle her laughter.

Remus agreed, scooting his chair back, and getting ready to find James, but then his ears picked up on a whispered conversation that James was having.

“Guess he’s not here,” James whispered.

“You didn’t even give him time to come,” Remus picked out Peter’s voice saying.

“Here, if he’s in here, I know where he is,” Sirius mumbled to the point where even with his werewolf hearing, Remus almost couldn’t tell what he had said.

Remus jumped to his feet, wondering if he could make it to the main part of the library before they got back where he was. For some reason, he didn’t want them to see that he was with Amanda. Especially not Sirius.

He was too late, though, because as he was saying his goodbyes quickly to Amanda, he turned around to see James, Peter and Sirius. James looked like he usually did. Excited to have found Remus, his eyes shining with mischief, and his hair sticking up in every direction. Peter looked bored, his eyes wandering lazily over the book titles. Remus’ eyes landed discreetly on Sirius. He was standing in a way that Remus had never in his entire life seen him stand.

Uncomfortably.

He had his hands folded in front of him, messing with his fingers. His knee was bent, and his shoulders were slightly tucked inwards. There was a black piece of hair falling in his face. Sirius looked up, meeting his gaze, and Remus quickly turned, looking at James.

“Did you really have to shout my name?” Remus asked.

“Nope,” James responded. Remus saw the moment James’ eye caught on Amanda who was sitting behind them. His eyes lit up and he leaned around Remus. “Hi Amanda!” He said excitedly.

“Shhh,” Peter hushed, glancing over his shoulder. Remus assumed he didn’t want another scolding from the librarian.

“Hi, James,” Amanda returned, offering a little wave.

“I hate to take Moony here away from you, but we have Marauders business to attend to,” James explained.

Amanda shrugged. “It’s fine, as long as you return him in one piece,” she joked.

“Ha… ha ha.” James said awkwardly. Remus saw Sirius’ shoulders visibly tense at her choice of wording. “No promises.”

And then James was tugging Remus away, waiting until they were out of earshot to turn on Remus. “I was going to be mad at you because we’re cutting it a bit close, and you really went AWOL on us, but I forgive you now. I too have a lady who I cannot stop thinking about, and I understand your need to hang out with Amanda, even if it is on a night like this.”

Remus could almost feel the negative energy radiating off of Sirius. “James, we were just talking.”

“Oh, okay. You were just talking.”

“No we weren’t talking. We were talking. She’s just my friend, so can you please let it be?”

“What were you talking about?” Sirius muttered, his voice cold. He lifted his eyes to look at Remus, and they were the dark gray color that set Remus on edge.

Remus knew what Sirius was referring to, and he was shocked he would even think Remus would tell Amanda about it. He wouldn’t even tell Lily about it if he had the chance.

“Just stupid stuff,” Remus responded.

“We don’t have time for this,” Peter reminded them.

It was good too because by the time they all made it outside, squashed under James’ invisibility cloak, the sky was already getting dark.

Remus felt his legs getting weaker as they headed towards the shrieking shack. This was the most surreal moment of the full moon. When he had to force himself to just keep walking, force himself closer to where he would change and become the wolf. He didn’t know how he even got there sometimes. He just kept putting one shaky leg in front of the other, trying not to think about it. Eventually, they would make it there, standing at the base of the Whomping Willow.

Once they got far enough away from the castle, the boys tugged off the cloak, and the still night air blasted Remus in the face. Peter transformed into Wormtail, and as they were standing there, a sharp pain shot through Remus’ arm. He forced himself not to cry out, knowing there would be plenty of that to come, and he let himself look up at the moon.

He rarely looked at it, but for some reason he had an urge that he couldn’t help. For something so bright, the moon sure had a dark sense of humor. It’s light cast down on them, and Remus pretended that he could feel the light of the moon soaking into his skin. Maybe he could feel it because another sharp pain shot through his arm.

With a sense of urgency in his voice, he looked up at Sirius and James. “It’s starting.”

The boys helped him down to the shack, and it wasn’t long before the light of the moon was mixing with the sound of Remus’ cries, and then the sound of a wolf howling a painful song deep into the once still night.

Remus didn’t remember anything the next morning.

#wolfstar #Sirius Black #sirius x remus #Remus Lupin #remus x sirius #the marauders #marauders era #marauders era fanfiction #fanfic #harry potter #Drunken Nights

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flowerfan2 · 5 years

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Something Blue - Bound To Be Together Alternate Ending

McDanno, E, A03. 53k in total; 7k this chapter - Something Blue

Author’s note: Towards the end of season 9 I spent a lot of time thinking about how I might fix or otherwise explain whatever craziness canon was going to give us in the last episode. This story came about as an explanation for a possible Steve and Cath wedding.

It’s sort of an AU alternate ending to the coda series in Bound To Be Together, but can also be read as a stand-alone story. Warning for angst and handwringing, but all in the service of a happy ending.

Thanks to all of you who read and enjoyed this fic, and ranted with me about Season 9. Writing this and getting to know so many other H50 fans has been a wonderful experience.

Summary: Steve and Catherine get married on a typically beautiful day, filled with all the joy such an occasion should bring. Danny doesn’t feel at all joyful about it, however. He feels miserable. Danny agreed to this, but it doesn’t make it any easier.

Something Blue

The Kahala resort is undeniably beautiful. Danny enjoyed it a lot more, however, back when he was watching Grace swim with the dolphins. Standing up as Steve’s best man as Steve marries Catherine really isn’t any fun at all.

After the ceremony, Danny wanders off to the side, champagne glass in hand. The happy couple has chosen to bypass many of the classic wedding traditions, so fortunately Danny doesn’t have to give a formal toast, or sit through a first dance, or really do anything at all except stand around and keep a smile pasted on his face.

Danny declines a glass of champagne from a festively dressed server. He feels vaguely ill, overheated in his rented tux. Adding alcohol to the mix doesn’t seem like a good idea. Even the smell of the passed hors d'oeuvres is making him queasy.

He chats mindlessly with a guest who comes by and gushes about how beautiful the bride is, and how she had no idea Steve was even engaged. Danny doesn’t know her name – someone who works with Noelani, he thinks – but he can’t get up the energy to care. Eventually the guest moves away, and Danny risks a quick glance at his watch.

“Thinking of leaving already, boss?” Tani asks softly, coming to stand next to him. She looks lovely in her gown, a dark green which contrasts beautifully with her hair. “You okay?”

Danny struggles to focus on her words, and find some kind of appropriately convincing response, but he doesn’t come up with much. “Sure, I’m fine.”

Tani tilts her head at him. No point in feigning cheer with her, her bullshit meter is way too fine-tuned for that.

“I did not see this coming.” Tani slides in front of him, narrowing her eyes. “I’m guessing you didn’t either?”

Danny looks away. “Steve was gonna ask her to marry him, a few years ago. She told him later she would have said yes.” He shrugs. “Guess it was just a matter of time.”

“Yeah, but-”

“Just don’t, okay?” Danny can’t argue about this right now. Not with the DJ playing dance tunes and Catherine wearing a freakin’ full-on lace wedding dress and Steve’s ring on her finger.

“Sorry,” Tani says. “Really.” She puts a hand on his shoulder, squeezing briefly, her eyes searching his. “Wanna dance?”

Danny sees Grace coming towards them, looking ridiculously grown up and beautiful, but with the same look of concern on her face as Tani has on hers. Rude or not, he’s got to get out of here. He can’t face his little girl right now.

“Tani, do me a favor – dance with Grace instead.”

Tani nods, and turns to intercept his daughter. Danny strides away, across the courtyard and through the hotel. He almost manages to get away clean, but he’s outside waiting for an Uber when he hears his name being called.

“Daniel? Can we talk for a minute?”

It’s Rachel, of course. Danny wonders how many people saw her running after him as he made his escape. How many believed he and Rachel were an item again, when they arrived together, Grace and Charlie in tow.

“I’m not feeling well, Rach. I’ll call you tomorrow.”

She gives him a pained look. “I know this is hard for you, but it is what we all agreed on.” Her accent gets stronger when she’s upset, and from the sound of it, she hasn’t enjoyed the afternoon’s charade much either. “Are you having second thoughts?”

Danny huffs out a bitter laugh. “Like you said, I agreed to this. Guess the joke’s on me.”

*****

Danny kicks his feet up on top of his carry-on and leans back in the uncomfortable plastic seat. It’s late, and LAX is quiet. He’s got almost three more hours before he needs to get in line to board his connecting flight to Boston.

He parted ways with Rachel earlier, after he walked her to her gate. She’s got a lot more flight time ahead of her, on her way to London for few weeks of vacation. The kids are joining her but traveling separately, all to enhance the optics of Rachel and Danny going off together for a long-awaited tryst.

Danny has just managed to doze off when his carry-on is yanked out from under his feet. He jumps up, instantly awake and ready to dash after the culprit, and sees Steve, carry-on bag in hand.

“You’re just asking for that to get stolen,” Steve says. His face seems to be undecided as to whether it wants to smile or apologize. There’s been a lot of that lately.

Danny has half a mind to slug his partner, but instead he finds himself moving in close. Steve’s arms come around him, folding him in tight, and Danny practically goes weak in the knees. God, he’s a sucker. But it feels like it’s been ages since he’s been here, since he and Steve last touched with any motive other than keeping up platonic appearances.

It’s been almost a week since Steve got married.

They finally board their flight. They’re not seated together, of course, that would have been too easy. Steve has managed to snag himself an aisle seat, and Danny’s got a window, several rows behind him and on the other side of the plane. Once Danny sits down, he can’t see Steve anymore, although he hears his voice as he politely helps another passenger hoist their bag up into the overhead compartment.

The kid next to Danny is restless, moving back and forth, constantly leaning down to rummage through the backpack he’s shoved under the seat in front of him. He seems to be traveling alone, busy on his phone, not making conversation with the woman seated on the aisle on his other side. Danny makes him out to be in his twenties. He’s got his music turned up loud enough that Danny can hear it through his earbuds, which is supremely annoying.

Danny tries to sleep, wishing that the idiot next to him would settle down. Finally the boy gets up to stretch his legs or storm the cockpit and Danny slides into a doze.

He rouses to the feel of something warm being laid over him and squints open an eye. Steve is in the seat next to him, and Steve’s sweatshirt is draped over Danny’s torso.

“You looked cold.” Steve’s face is blank, which generally means he’s concerned, and trying not to show it.

Danny lifts the arm between the seats out of the way and shifts, leaning his head on Steve’s shoulder. It’s a lot more comfortable than the cold plastic of the airplane window. He wonders briefly how Steve got the kid to switch seats with him, then realizes Steve traded his aisle seat for a squished middle one. Next to Danny.

“Thanks.”

“You’re welcome,” Steve says softly.

They’re both beyond tired by the time they land in Boston. They make their way to the baggage claim in silence, taking turns watching for their bags and using the restroom. Danny avoids the mirror, not wanting to look too closely at the bags under his eyes. It makes him feel a little better that Steve looks beat too.

They hadn’t bothered reserving a rental car, or making any hotel arrangements. This wasn’t the carefully planned, eagerly anticipated trip that Danny once imagined they’d take together.

Steve is standing with their bags when Danny gets out of the bathroom, and they lug them on to a shuttle bus that goes to the airport Hilton. Fortunately there are rooms available. Danny wants to make a joke about how many beds they need, he thinks there’s a rom-com moment in there somewhere, but he’s just too tired.

Their room is sterile and entirely uninteresting but it’s got a bed and that’s all Danny cares about. Steve mutters something about showering but Danny just strips down to his boxers and passes out.

Sometime not much later he wakes up and sees Steve sitting on the edge of the other bed, looking lost, and his heart breaks a little. “Hey, come here.” Danny holds up the edge of the sheet, and Steve lurches over, scrambling under the covers as if he’s worried that if he doesn’t move quickly enough Danny will change his mind.

Steve’s warm and damp from his shower, and his hair smells like shampoo. Danny bundles him close and falls asleep with Steve’s arm heavy over his chest, his knees pressed up against Danny’s thigh. It’s the most comfortable Danny’s been in weeks.

Danny’s sense of time is all messed up, but they manage to sleep and doze and sleep again until it’s more or less morning. Danny showers and shaves and then goes downstairs to see what the rental car options are while Steve takes his turn in the bathroom.

Finally, after another shuttle bus and a relatively short wait at the rental car counter, they’re in their car and on their way. Steve insists on getting a Jeep. “There are mountains in New Hampshire, Danny,” he explains. Danny thinks that Steve has never been to Colorado, where he might actually see some real mountains, but that’s a trip for another day.

They drive sluggishly through Boston rush hour traffic, which doesn’t let up for over an hour. Steve mutters in annoyance the whole time, and Danny wants to pat himself on the back for not saying “I told you so” about how the Honolulu traffic everyone complains about back home is nothing compared to East Coast traffic.

Danny can see the U.S.S. Constitution and the Bunker Hill Monument as they crawl along Route 93. He thinks that Steve would enjoy touring the city, checking out the Navy Yard and the museum, if they were here for that. Steve’s never been here before. It’s one of the reasons they picked New England for this – the landscape bears little resemblance to anywhere they’ve been together. No beaches and lush tropical greens, no desert, no Montana plains. Someplace new.

By the time they cross over into New Hampshire, Danny’s stomach is growling. They pull off the highway and find a diner, where they order giant plates of eggs and pancakes. It’s not nearly as good as what they usually get at their favorite Honolulu breakfast place. And there’s no coconut syrup.

They’re about to pay the bill when Steve gets a look on his face (it’s what Danny once called the constipated face, but he’s since decided that’s too kind). “I know things have been rough lately-”

“Not now.” Danny cuts him off.

Steve looks momentarily startled, then nods. “Okay.” And who says Steve hasn’t learned anything over the years? At least he’s figured out that prompting Danny into yelling – or crying, he’s not sure which is more likely – in the middle of a sticky diner in Londonderry isn’t the best idea.

They turn the radio on when they get back in the car, and Danny fiddles with the dial, trying to find something entertaining enough but mostly devoid of meaning. It’s hard to avoid love songs, though, or breakup songs. Luckily there aren’t many “you married your ex-girlfriend and pretended we didn’t exist in front of all our friends and family” songs in the top 40 these days.

When they get close to the town where they’ve reserved an airbnb they stop at a grocery store. Danny doesn’t tease Steve when he fills the cart with enough steak and hamburger to feed the team for a week, just makes sure they buy charcoal, too. And ice cream. The mood he’s in, he needs lots of ice cream.

They drive down a long, narrow dirt road to get to the house. The place isn’t much to look at from the back, but when they go inside there are windows stretching up two stories with a stunning view of a sparkling lake. The first floor has a kitchen open to a living room with two comfortable couches and a dark leather armchair, and a dining table off to the side. Upstairs is a landing that looks out over the living room, and past that are two bedrooms and a bathroom. Nothing fancy to take away from the beauty of what’s outside, but all very welcoming in woodsy shades of green and brown.

Danny opens the sliding doors to the deck, taking in the promised grill (which is, of course, gas, no need to have bought all that charcoal). He imagines coming out here early in the morning, drinking his coffee while the sun comes up over the lake.

There’s a small yard with a canoe pulled up out of the water. An aluminum dock stretches out away from the shore, with a speedboat tied securely to the side. Nice toys.

Steve hadn’t let him see any of the rental details, including the price. Said it was his treat. Danny had wondered if it was unfair, at the time, but he no longer has a problem with it. It’s a little petty, but Danny hopes it’s even more expensive than he guessed.

He goes back inside to help unpack the groceries, and sees Steve with his cell phone to his ear. “It’s Cath,” Steve explains. Danny wants to snatch Steve’s phone and hurl it across the room, but he refrains. Who knows, maybe Steve and Cath are having a critical conversation about their new wedding china.

Needing to put a little space between himself and whatever is so important that Steve still needs to be talking to Catherine, Danny goes out onto the deck again, and then down to the yard. He walks to the end of the dock and sits down, taking off his shoes so he can put his feet in the water.

The lake is cold and dark. Nothing like the warm, clear turquoise of the Hawaiian ocean. Danny takes a deep breath of the pine-scented air, and, remarkably, misses the salt smell of Steve’s beach. It figures that he’d get attached to that damn place.

At least Catherine hadn’t insisted on getting married at Steve’s house. Danny didn’t think he would have been able to go through with it, if she had. And despite his current state of misery, he knows there were good reasons to go through with it.

When Catherine called a few weeks ago with a lead on one of the world’s most wanted terrorists, Danny was more than willing to help her out. But then she revealed that she wouldn’t be able to get close to this guy unless she had the status of a married woman – and that being married to a particular former Navy SEAL would entice their target into thinking he could get something truly valuable from Cath. Danny had thought for sure that Steve would refuse.

Obviously, he didn’t.

To be fair, Catherine didn’t know – still doesn’t know – the true nature of Steve and Danny’s relationship. And although Danny is pretty sure that Five-0 suspects, he and Steve have never come out and told them, so they thought that the team would buy it.

And they did, as far as he can tell. It hurts, frankly, how easily they bought it. Despite everything their friends have seen between him and Steve, when Catherine showed up, everyone accepted that she was Steve’s soulmate, some magical creature who could waltz back into his life and be automatically adored. Sure, the wedding was put together quickly, but hey, look at those lovebirds finally getting their act together, how wonderful for them, let’s all help throw them a party to celebrate…

It makes Danny ache.

Only Rachel was let in on the secret, so she could help with their cover. It made sense - he and Rachel have been getting along well lately. Even Steve worried that they might get back together. So in the week before the wedding they played up the Rachel and Danny angle, Danny dropping her name into conversation more frequently and making sure everyone heard about a successful romantic dinner at Rachel’s favorite Honolulu hot spot.

Danny drew the line at a double date with Steve and Catherine, however. He had to retain some measure of dignity.

The pièce de résistance was Steve and Danny scheduling their honeymoon and vacation with their respective significant others at the same time, to give the rest of Five-0 a chance to really take charge of the team, fly without a net, etc. etc. Danny owes Steve $50 for that one, he’s still not sure how Steve got Tani to think it was her idea.

In theory, in the time that they are away, Cath will accomplish her mission, and the farce can be revealed. No harm no foul, life goes on.

Except Danny feels so goddamn awful, he’s forced to rethink the whole “no foul” business.

Danny pulls himself out of his thoughts as the dock vibrates with Steve’s footsteps.

“Mind if I join you?” Steve speaks in the same half-casual, half-tentative tone he’s been using for the past week or so.

“Sure.”

Steve sits down next to him, dangling his bare feet in the cool water next to Danny’s. Danny wonders how things would be different if this were another kind of trip - if Steve would be splashing him, poking him, shoving him off the dock. Following him in with a sleek dive, or a raucous cannonball. Wrapping his arms around Danny in the water, dunking him under and kissing him senseless when he came up.

“I really am sorry,” Steve says. Some kind of bird hoots in the distance, as if for punctuation.

“Don’t apologize,” Danny responds. He’s been over and over this in his head, and it’s not Steve’s fault. “I agreed to it.”

“But I’m still sorry. I hurt you. You can’t tell me I didn’t hurt you.”

There it is, then. The truth of it.

“Yeah,” Danny says softly. “You did.” He leans his head on his hands, elbows on his knees. “Or, really, the situation hurt. It wasn’t you.”

“That’s bullshit. Situations don’t just happen.”

“That’s remarkably perceptive of you,” Danny snaps, more sharply than he intended. He lets out a long breath, picking up his head to stare out over the lake. There’s a tiny island not too far away, trees sticking up haphazardly all over it, like Steve’s hair first thing in the morning.

“I should never have said yes to it,” Steve continues.

“We should never have said yes to it. But we did, and here we are.”

“And here we are,” Steve repeats quietly.

More long minutes go by. The goose or whatever it is hoots some more. Danny flicks a gnat away from his face, wishes he was wearing his sunglasses.

“I’ve gotta ask you something, Danny.”

“Yeah?”

“Do you want to fix this?”

The question takes him by surprise. “What?”

Steve looks at him sadly. “Did we screw it up too much, or do you want to try to fix it?”

Danny hears roaring in his ears. “Did I not just fly halfway across the planet on some lame-ass excuse just to do that very thing? What do you think we’re doing here? What the hell is wrong with you?”

“Then why won’t you talk to me?”

Danny draws in a breath to yell some more, only no words come out. He shakes his head. “This is the weirdest conversation.”

Steve nods. “Kind of a role reversal, I get it. But Danny, to be clear, I do want to fix it. Us. Just so you know.”

Despite the fact that this should be obvious, it’s still good to hear. Danny feels himself relax a little bit more. “I figured as much, with all the eyelash fluttering.”

Steve snorts. “I do not flutter my eyelashes.”

“You totally do.”

Steve scoots a little closer to Danny, leans up against him and rests his head on his shoulder. Danny leans into him in response. He can’t help it, no matter how upset he is, his body wants to be close to Steve.

“Listen,” Steve says calmly. “I’m going to go back up to the house grill some steaks, put some beer on ice. We’re going to have a nice meal, watch some tv, and crash early. Sound good?”

Danny nods. “Yeah.”

“But tomorrow, we’re putting on our big boy pants and facing the music. No more moping. Deal?”

Danny wants to be annoyed – feelings don’t work that way – but it’s actually a relief to think there’s an end to this misery. Maybe super-SEAL Steve can just make it so. “Yeah. Deal.”

Danny plays around with the television while Steve grills, and puts on a documentary about the making of Game of Thrones. They eat sitting on the couches, beers on the coffee table, and argue about whether or not the writers treated Dany the way she deserved, and whether Bran could be a good ruler. Their banter almost feels normal.

After dinner they half-heartedly watch a few episodes of a cooking show, and then Danny cleans up while Steve goes upstairs with their luggage. Steve’s coming out of the shower by the time Danny goes upstairs, and he goes in to take his turn. The bathroom has a skylight in its slanted ceiling, but it’s dark now, and there’s nothing to see.

Steve’s in bed when Danny comes out, sitting up with his tablet on his lap. The bed is a queen, with a green and brown patchwork kind of quilt that Steve has pushed back. Steve’s wearing sweat pants and a worn Navy t-shirt, and looks about as non-threatening as a six foot tall guy in your bed can be.

Steve has unpacked their things into neat little piles in the drawers, and Danny quickly changes into his own sleep pants and t-shirt, trying not to feel self-conscious as he drops his towel and pulls on his clothes. It’s ridiculous, given how many times he’s been proudly naked in front of this man, but things feel different now.

There’s a rift between them, and Danny can’t seem to shake it. He thinks back to Steve’s question on the dock - do you want to fix this? Of course he does. He doesn’t understand what his problem is.

Steve reaches towards the light on the night table. “Do you want to go to sleep? Or read for a while?”

“Nah, I’m tired.”

Steve nods and turns off the light as Danny climbs into bed. It’s hard lying there without touching Steve, but Danny leaves a little strip of space anyway. Steve moves, and without conscious thought, Danny flinches.

There’s a long, awkward moment.

“I’m not going to do anything you don’t wanna do, Danny. But you acting like I might… it kinda stings.”

And doesn’t that pack a punch. “Fuck, Steve, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to, I’m just…” He doesn’t even know what to say, so he moves in close to Steve and wraps his arms around him.

“I miss you,” Danny says, his face pressed against Steve’s neck, “and I’m mad at you, and I want you, and at the same time I feel sick about the whole thing. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I don’t know what to do.”

“I love you, Danny,” Steve says softly. “But I can’t make you forgive me if you don’t want to.”

“You think I don’t want to?”

Steve shrugs. “What do I know? It seems like it.”

“I’ll figure it out, Steve. I promise.” Danny lifts himself up on an elbow. He can’t really see Steve’s face, but he cups his cheek, and leans in for a kiss. Steve returns the kiss quickly, letting out a little sound of surprise.

They exchange gentle kisses for a few minutes, Steve lightly holding the back of Danny’s neck, then Danny pulls away and settles in his usual spot on Steve’s chest, cheek against the soft fabric of his t-shirt. Steve breathes heavily for a moment, rubbing circles on Danny’s back, and then presses a kiss to his hair.

“We’re gonna be okay, Danno,” Steve says, more confidence in his voice than Danny has heard in a while. “We’ll both figure it out. It’s gonna be okay.”

*****

Danny is awakened in the morning by the sound of his vibrating phone sliding off the night table and hitting the hardwood floor. He scrambles to reach it and hits answer when he sees that it’s Grace calling.

“Danno, you lied to me.”

Danny flops over on his back, glancing at the clock. Seven a.m., which means it’s noon in London. He wonders if Grace thought she was being considerate by waiting until seven to call him.

“Grace, it’s awfully early for this.”

“I think it’s kind of late, actually.”

Steve has clued into what’s happening by now, and has slid his head over right next to Danny’s so he can hear both sides of the conversation.

“What exactly are you mad about?” Danny doesn’t want to give away more than he needs to – maybe Grace is just peeved that Danny isn’t in London with them.

“The wedding, obviously. How could you not tell me what’s really going on?”

Danny sighs. “Because as mature and grown-up as you are, you actually aren’t eligible to be read into this op.”

“You can tell me. You told Mom.”

“I had to, monkey. How did you find out, anyway? Your mom’s a pretty decent liar, I thought she’d be able to stick to the story for at least a few more days.”

Steve snorts next to him, apparently in agreement about Rachel’s skills at deception.

“It was you, you gave it away.”

“I did not. I never said a thing.”

“Your face did,” Grace retorts. “You were so fake and annoying before the wedding, and during the ceremony you looked like you were going to hurl. You had me worried for Uncle Steve.”

“For Steve?”

“Yeah, I figured maybe he got cancer from the radiation, and he had to marry Catherine for the insurance, but Mom says that’s not it.”

Steve is shaking behind him, muffling his laughter into Danny’s shoulder. Danny swats him with his free hand and tries to focus on Grace.

“Your mother is right, Steve is fine, he thankfully does not have cancer or any other similar illness of which I am aware. And why would he need insurance from Catherine?”

“I don’t know, it’s a thing people get married for, how should I know? Mom always said your insurance was crappy, that’s why she tried to keep Charlie on Stan’s.”

The conversation is veering into territory Danny has no intention of exploring. “For the record, my health insurance is just fine, and so is Steve’s.” He takes a deep breath. “Grace, I really can’t discuss this right now. But Steve and I are fine. Hopefully I can tell you more in a few weeks, okay?”

“That’s not fair.”

“Can I talk to her?” Steve asks under his breath, pointing to the phone. Danny nods and hands it over.

“Grace? It’s Steve.” Steve rolls over and sits up on the edge of the bed, then gets up and walks out of the room with the phone. Danny is tempted to follow him, but then he decides he’ll just let Steve work his magic. Grace is much more likely to be satisfied with whatever Steve tells her. He tries not to take it too personally.

A few minutes later Steve returns and hands Danny the phone. He says a quick goodbye to Grace, who apparently needs to get ready to go out for lunch with her grandparents anyway, and hangs up.

“What did you say to her?”

Steve sits down on the edge of the bed, looking intently at Danny. “I told her that I love her and Charlie, and you, very much, and I would never do anything to hurt any of you. That you are the most important person in my life, and that nothing was happening that you and I didn’t plan together. I asked her if she could trust me on that, and wait to hear the rest of it for a few more weeks, and she said yes.”

Danny takes a moment to absorb this. “You told her that I was the most important person in your life?”

“Yes, I did.”

“Come here.” Danny pulls Steve against him, hugging him tight, and Steve squeezes him right back. “I love you, you know that, right?”

Steve nods against his shoulder.

“I do, Steve. I love you like crazy.”

They stay that way for a few minutes, and then Steve pulls away. “Okay if I go for a swim?”

Danny scans Steve’s face, but he can’t find any reason to say no, despite the fact that he’d rather keep Steve close. “Sure.”

While Steve’s gone Danny takes a quick shower, pulls on jeans and a sweatshirt, and heads downstairs to make coffee. There’s a thin layer of fog over the water, and he can’t see Steve. It’s not as if Steve can’t take care of himself in a lake that doesn’t even have any sharks in it, but he’ll feel better when he’s back.

Danny takes two cups of coffee and a towel out to the deck and sits at the table, letting his thoughts wander. He breathes easier when he spots Steve heading back towards the dock, his powerful strokes making ripples as he goes.

Watching Steve pull himself up on to the dock and walk towards the shore, water streaming down his body, is a view Danny will never get tired of.

Coming up on to the deck, Steve takes the towel from Danny with a grateful nod. After Steve dries himself off (also a great show) they sit together in silence for a little while, sipping their coffee.

“You know what I’m in the mood for?” Steve asks, breaking the silence.

“What?”

“Pizza.”

It’s still early in the morning, and Steve never wants pizza, but Danny isn’t about to object.

“Okay.”

By the time they get ready to leave the house, they still haven’t decided on whether to get take-out or go to the grocery store for the necessary items to make pizza from scratch. Danny used to do it all the time with Grace, so he knows they can do a decent job themselves, but then they see a pizza joint that opens early, and they decide to take the lazy way out.

They still have some time to kill so they walk around the little town for a while, browsing in a bookstore with a surprisingly interesting selection of books about mysteries in New England, and treating themselves to an overpriced pound of assorted gummies and chocolate covered fruit from a candy store. Danny buys them lattes flavored with real maple syrup, which Steve declares disgusting. Danny kind of agrees, although he’s not about to admit it.

Finally the pizza place opens, and they scroll through their phones as they wait for their order to be ready. Danny’s got a text from Grace apologizing for being a pain and sending him a bunch of cute emojis, which do their job and make him smile.

When their order is called Steve offers to pay – the first time that day, Danny can’t help but point out – and just as he’s digging his fingers into his wallet to extract his money, a ring flies out and clatters to the ground, rolling away towards the door.

The woman next to them at the counter dives for it and hands it back to Steve. “Got it!” she announces triumphantly. “You wouldn’t want to lose this.”

The tips of Steve’s ears have gone red, but he plays along, thanking the woman and stuffing the ring into his pocket.

Danny takes the pizza and they walk out to the Jeep. Danny is concentrating on not saying anything, because anything he says is just going to make matters worse. When they get inside, Steve starts the car, pulls out onto the road, and then glances at him pointedly before speaking.

“Okay, out with it.”

“What?”

“You’re dying to yell at me,” Steve says. “Go ahead, get it over with.”

“I’m not going to yell at you. Why would I yell at you? You haven’t even started driving yet.”

“Danny…”

Danny considers his options. Steve’s right, he’s probably not going to be able to keep quiet about this. Might as well get it over with or Steve will just keep bothering him about it. “Just wondering if that’s the same ring Harry gave you to use back in Laos. Or if you got a new one.”

A pause. Danny watches Steve’s face, but he doesn’t give anything away.

“And that matters… why?”

Danny shrugs. “Don’t know. But you asked, and that’s what I was thinking.”

“No, it’s not the same ring – Harry took those rings back.” Steve’s definitely got a tone, and not surprisingly, it’s fairly tense. “What, do you think I’ve had the rings sitting around my house this whole time?”

“How would I know? You never got rid of the engagement ring you got Cath.”

Steve’s fingers tighten around the steering wheel. “I didn’t know what to do with it.”

“Well, guess it’s a good thing you kept it.” Which is completely unfair of Danny to say. It doesn’t even make sense – Steve and Cath just used plain gold wedding rings in the ceremony, as it turned out, although Danny had expected to see the diamond make an appearance. He had, in fact, driven himself kind of nuts waiting for it to appear on Catherine’s finger in the days before the wedding. Not that he was looking that closely, or anything.

It’s only a few minutes’ drive back to the house, although it feels like forever. When they pull into the driveway, Steve turns off the car and sits still for a long moment, biting his lip. Finally he turns to Danny.

“You know, this hasn’t been fun for me either. When I wanted to ask for real, Catherine rejected me. Then she comes back and wants a wedding, not because she cares about me, but because I’m useful.”

“You looked like you were having fun, standing up there in your tux in front of everyone, professing your love and devotion.” Danny regrets his words as soon as they leave his mouth. He knows it’s not true, but he can’t seem to stop picking at this scab.

“Danny, if you think there is anyone I want to be saying those words to besides you, you really haven’t been paying attention.” Steve gets out of the car and closes the door, walking into the house without even a glance back in Danny’s direction.

Danny leans over and bangs his head against the dashboard.

The smell of pizza permeates the car. It’s not helping.

Danny’s torn between wanting to give Steve a minute or two to cool off, and knowing that time probably won’t make his fuck-up any less painful. Taking the pizza with him (it’s not the pizza’s fault Danny is a dumb-ass) he goes inside the house.

Steve is out on the deck, leaning against the railing.

“I’m sorry, babe. I was out of line. I’m sorry.”

Danny comes up behind Steve, puts his hands on his shoulders and leans his forehead against his back. “Please, you know I’m an idiot when I start running my mouth. I’m sorry.”

Steve turns in Danny’s arms, his face drawn, eyes flickering up to Danny’s and then back down again. “This hurt me too,” he says, his voice rough. “Why can’t you see that?”

Danny feels his heart break. “I do, I do see it. I should have seen it before. I’m sorry.” Danny tilts his head up and kisses Steve, who kisses back with more force than Danny expected, sending a sudden shiver down his spine. Steve practically attacks his mouth, biting at his lip, clutching tight at Danny’s sides.

Danny feels Steve shuffle him backwards, until he’s pushed down into a chair, Steve straddling him and grabbing his face with both hands.

The deck chair creaks and Danny turns his face just enough to get a full breath, holding Steve back when he tries to dive back in for more.

“Hey, hey, calm down,” Danny says. “It’s okay. It’s okay.”

“Danny…” Steve pants out, sounding desperate. “What do I have to do? Just tell me, I’ll do it, I don’t want to fight anymore.”

“We’re not fighting. It’s okay, we’re fine. I promise. We’re fine.”

Steve sags against Danny, still breathing hard. Danny strokes his hands up and down Steve’s back, trying to soothe him. “This was a dumb plan, okay? We both know that now, we got the memo. But the worst is over, right? No more watching the love of our life marry somebody else, no more having to pretend with fucking Catherine. That part’s all done.”

Steve squirms in Danny’s hold, and then sits up, the wrecked look on his face replaced by something decidedly more hopeful. “The love of your life?”

Danny rocks his head back, embarrassed, but he can’t avoid Steve’s gaze for long. “Yes, you goof. You’re the love of my life. I’ll write it on a pancake if you want. Now get off me, before I lose all feeling in my legs.”

Steve complies, lifting a long leg gracefully up and over Danny’s lap. “You couldn’t fit that on a pancake.”

“Two pancakes, then. Or one really big pancake.”

“Will you butter them for me?”

Danny accepts Steve’s hand and lets him pull him up out of the chair, his back protesting at the angle. “How about we reheat that pizza, and save the pancakes for later?”

*****

The next few days feel almost normal, although it’s downright strange to have all this time with Steve and so little to do. Unlike normal, though, they don’t fill their free time with sex. It just doesn’t feel right.

One afternoon they take the speedboat out. Once they get past the little island with the funny trees the lake opens up. It’s much bigger than Danny had realized, and they cruise around for an hour or so, exploring the little coves and looking for the bird Danny keeps hearing hoot at them.

“It’s a loon, Danny,” Steve insists. But Danny can’t take this seriously, as “you’re a loon” seems to be the only appropriate response.

They’ve turned off the boat’s engine, just letting themselves drift. The sun is warmer today, and Steve has stripped off his shirt and is lying back with his eyes closed. He looks like something out of a magazine.

“Naptime?” Danny asks.

“Yeah, you should try it.”

“Aren’t you afraid we’ll run into something?”

Steve sits up. “I put down the anchor. How did you miss that?”

Danny shrugs. “I was looking for the bird.”

Steve opens his mouth to say “loon” but realizes that Danny is goading him, and stops himself just in time. “Come on, come up here with me.”

Steve is stretched out on the deck by the bow, and he’s got a cushion under his head. Danny tosses his own shirt below in the little cabin and climbs forward, joining Steve on the deck. He lies down carefully, shuffling until his head is next to Steve’s.

The rocking of the boat is incredibly calming, and the heat of the sun on his skin quickly warms him through. He runs his fingers over the bumpy surface of the deck. “What if we never went back?”

Steve nuzzles Danny’s head. “You’d miss Grace and Charlie.”

“We could visit.”

“You’d get bored. You’re bored already.”

“Says the man who felt the need to tune-up our rental car yesterday.”

“It was making a noise.”

“It’s a car, it’s supposed to make noise.” Danny sighs, poking at Steve’s side until Steve wraps their hands together. “It’s just nice to be away, I guess.”

“Didn’t know you liked pine trees so much.”

“I don’t think it’s the pine trees.” Danny lifts himself up a little, leans over and presses a kiss to Steve’s cheekbone, his hair blowing down over his face.

“That tickles,” Steve responds, cupping Danny’s face to guide Danny’s lips to his own. “Mmm, better.”

They make out lazily for a while, and then Steve dozes off, resting his face against Danny’s bare shoulder. Danny considers ribbing him for falling asleep while kissing, but then decides to take it as a compliment.

Later that night, as Danny is joining Steve in bed – once again, both of them clad in t-shirts and sleep pants - Danny manages to put words to the elephant in the room.

“You, um, you don’t mind? That we’re not-” he waves his hand vaguely between them.

Steve shrugs. “It’s fine. Besides, for the moment, I’m married. At least until we file for divorce.” He doesn’t say it like a joke, more like a death sentence.

“Babe, are you… are you worried about committing adultery?”

Steve blushes. “No, of course not.”

He maybe is, Danny thinks. Who could have guessed? Danny gets in bed and scoots over towards Steve. “I was assuming we were both not engaging in… whatever,” he waves his hand again, “for the same reasons, but now I’m not so sure.”

“It doesn’t matter,” Steve says, clearly uncomfortable.

“I think it does,” Danny says gently. “Hey, can I ask you something?”

Steve purses his lips. “You already did.”

“You didn’t have sex with Catherine after the wedding, right?” Danny may have been upset at having to watch Steve go through with the ceremony, including kissing the bride, but not once has he doubted Steve’s fidelity.

Steve’s eyes widen. “Of course not, Danny, what do you think-”

“So you won’t be filing for divorce, it’ll be an annulment. As if it never happened.”

Danny’s not sure how this detail never occurred to Steve, but it clearly did not. “Really?”

“Yes, really.”

“Oh.” A little smile pulls at the corner of Steve’s mouth. “An annulment. That’s, um, that’s better.” He glances up at Danny. “Not that there’s anything wrong with being divorced, if you meant to be married in the first place, but-” Steve sighs and ducks his head, leaning against Danny’s side.

“But what?”

“It felt like I was wasting it with her. The whole time, through the ceremony, and the reception, with all the flowers and congratulations and celebrating… I felt so empty. And then I went to find you, and you were already gone – which I totally understand, but still… it wasn’t right. I guess I wanted it to be special.”

Danny slides down and wraps an arm around Steve, taking a moment to judge Steve’s mental state before responding. He almost always laughs, no matter how awful Danny’s jokes are, but they’re on shaky ground these days.

“I’m sorry, babe,” Danny finally says, seriously. “I’m sorry you wasted your wedding virginity on Catherine.”

Steve barks out a laugh, and then Danny is laughing too, until they’re both clutching their stomachs and gasping for air.

“Guess you can’t wear white at our wedding,” Danny spits out between cackles.

“That’s offensive and archaic, I can wear whatever I want,” Steve replies, still laughing.

It seems to take forever before they calm down, one of them starting up again and setting the other off, but they finally relax. Danny rests his head on Steve’s chest, fingers playing idly with the collar of his t-shirt.

“So,” Steve says, “you, um, think we’re going to have a wedding someday, you and me?”

Danny is suddenly glad he’s got a shirt on, because otherwise he’d probably be sporting a full body blush. “If it’s up to me? Yeah.”

Steve squeezes Danny so tight for a moment he can hardly breathe. “I’d like that too.”

*****

Danny’s getting out the ingredients to make pancakes the next morning when Steve’s phone rings. Steve picks it up and answers, straightening his shoulders in a way that makes Danny stop rattling pans and pay attention.

“Okay. Understood. Understood.”

This side of the call isn’t very informative, and Steve has walked out onto the deck, clearly focused on the conversation. Soon Danny sees him shove his phone back into his pocket, and then turn towards Danny with a wide grin on his face.

“Danno?” Steve strides towards him and takes him in his arms. “It’s over. Cath’s op is done, the guy is in custody. We don’t have to pretend anymore. It’s over.”

“That’s great, babe-” Whatever else Danny was going to say is lost as Steve kisses him hard and long. Danny gives back just as enthusiastically, pulling away just long enough to nip at Steve’s jaw and suck at that spot on his neck that always makes Steve moan - and today is no exception. Danny’s practically humping Steve’s leg when Steve stops them and starts to tug Danny towards the stairs.

Danny nearly trips over his own feet in his hurry to follow him, and Steve beams back at him. They’re both stripping off their clothes as they go up, but Steve grabs Danny’s hands just as he’s about to divest himself of his briefs.

“Hang on, buddy, we need to make sure we’re on the same page,” Steve says, still grinning like a lunatic.

“I dunno, you get over your aversion to cheating on your not-wife?”

Steve’s smile gets impossibly wider, and he yanks his pants up off the floor, pulling out his cell phone from a pocket and stabbing at it vigorously.

“It’s not cheating if she says it’s ok – see?”

Steve’s pulled up a text, clearly from Cath, which says you have my full permission to ravish and be ravished. Danny’s kind of curious as to what exactly Steve asked, to get that kind of response, but that’s a question for another time. Right now, there are more important matters to attend to.

“So, which one will it be, then?” Danny asks, as Steve gets his thumbs under the waistband of Danny’s briefs and impatiently renders Danny naked. “Ravish or be ravished?”

Steve drops to his knees and smiles up at Danny, his hands already sliding up Danny’s thighs and making him quiver. “I’ll bet we can do both.”

They do.

#H50 #Hawaii Five-0 #mcdanno #Steve McGarrett #Danny Williams #my fic #Bound To Be Together #Alternate Ending

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truthbeetoldmedia · 5 years

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Shameless 9x14 “Found” Review

It’s the end of an era, Shameless fans. After nine hilarious, gut-punching, heart-wrenching seasons, Emmy Rossum has left the show for good. For the past eight years, her portrayal of the eldest Gallagher daughter has left viewers in fits of laughter, fits of tears, and everything in between. In her send off episode, she reminds us and her siblings just how much she will be missed.

In her penultimate episode, Fiona came into a large sum of money, $100,000 to be exact. Just as she had accepted her fate and gotten a job at the local gas station working nights, she was lifted from rock bottom and given the chance to start anew. So now, she must decide what she wants her future to look like. This is understandably difficult for Fiona because, well, she’s never really had that choice before.

She decides not to tell any of her siblings at first, but observes what their lives would look like without her in it. She’s raised each of them as best she could, and as she watches them get ready for their day the next morning, she realizes she’s done a better job than she ever knew. As nice as this is, it’s a bit of a gut punch when she begins to see that they don’t need her anymore. Debbie even asks if they can switch rooms so that she has more space for her and Franny, and asks Fiona what her future plans are. It’s as if they’re giving her a reason to leave without even knowing it.

And then there’s Lip, who kicked Fiona out of the house a few episodes back. While Fiona has cleaned her act up and gotten Lip off her back, it’s likely that his threat still lingers in her mind. It’s not just about if Fiona is needed in the Gallagher house, but does anyone want her there anymore?

As Fiona tries to decide what to do, the rest of the gang are up to their own shenanigans. Frank has been released from the hospital and is camping out on the couch. He needs around the clock care and complains relentlessly about need more Oxy, causing the family to consider dumping him under a bridge. Realizing they could get in serious legal trouble for that, given Frank’s age and poor health, they instead discuss getting him a caretaker. After all, their lives are too busy to be dealing with Frank, of all people.

Across town, Fiona’s hearing actually goes well. Her public defender tells her she must pay a few thousand dollars in fines, which she definitely has now. While out, she goes to visit Ian in prison to ask for his advice. After telling him she’s thinking about leaving, going someplace warm, he tells her to do it, that he’ll always be there for her. Fiona is a bit taken aback, but takes her brother’s words to heart. She knows she can’t stay in the Southside forever.

Ian also briefly mentions what’s going on in his life, how he’s working in the infirmary, got lice, and, oh yeah, is bunking with none other than Mickey Milkovich who works in the laundry room (Is anyone else getting serious Alex Vause vibes?).

Fiona supports her brother, and it’s clear that he supports her too. It seems like this is just what she needed — to be really, truly heard. And perhaps because Ian has spent some time away from his family, he knows how trapped one can feel in the Gallagher house. So with that, Fiona’s mind is made up.

While Fiona plans to distance herself from her siblings, Debbie and Carl grow closer. After butting heads over Kelly and both having their hearts broken by her, they bond (and vandalize her truck). So when Carl accepts a job as the manager of a nearby Captain Bob’s location, Debbie refuses to let him give up on military school. Unable to get through to him, she calls in Kelly for help, blaming her for her brother’s sudden lack of confidence. Together, the pair are able to snap Carl out of it. And after a brief time apart, Kelly and Carl get back together.

Continuing her maternal streak, Debbie goes to get Liam and bring him home. When she finds him at his friend’s house, he reminds her that he asked the whole family the previous night if he could move in, and they said yes. Liam, not willing to be ignored anymore, gives Debbie a list of demands the Gallaghers must meet if they want him back in the house. Most notably, he wants to be surrounded by black culture, which he feels he’s been robbed of living in an entirely white household.

Across town, Lip once again goes on a wild goose chase when Tammi’s BRCA test comes back positive. She has the “baby good” kind, leading us to assume she’ll want to have the baby, but Tammi is hesitant to bring a child into the world when she knows she may still die of cancer at a young age. While Lip tries to tell her he’ll stick around, Tammi refuses to believe he’ll be a good father. She jumps back and forth between decisions about the unborn baby’s fate, first wanting to have an abortion, then deciding she’ll have the baby, then opting to put it up for adoption. In the end, we’re left wondering right alongside Lip what she’s going to do.

When Lip finally gets home, he finds Fiona packing her stuff. She reveals to him that she’s leaving and asks that he take care of everyone for her, metaphorically passing the baton. Lip agrees but insists they throw her a going away party. Fiona knows that if she stays for the party, she’ll never leave. And so, when everyone has left the house again, she sneaks out to the train station and then onto a plane, bags in tow. The scene beautifully parallels the Season 1 finale, in which Fiona almost left Chicago with then boyfriend Jimmy/Steve. The only difference is that this time, she goes through with it (and sadly, Jimmy/Steve is nowhere to be found).

Back at the house, the party goes on. As everyone drinks and dances, celebrating Fiona and the role she had in their lives, Debbie finds an envelope stuck to the fridge. In it is $50,000, half of the money Max gave Fiona, and a note that simply reads, “Love you.” And Veronica says it best when she reminds Debbie, “Yeah, she does.”

Looking back at this season, I realize I expected it to be like the earlier seasons — more outrageous, more dramatic. What I failed to realize is that Shameless can never be what it once was because the characters are no longer the same. They’re still Gallaghers at heart, yes, but they’re adults now and while they’re the same people, they aren’t the same family.

I think we started to see this shift in dynamics when Ian, played by Cameron Monaghan, went to prison and was no longer a regular on the show. He was barely mentioned by his siblings, and it seemed as if his sentencing had little to no effect on them — because it didn’t. I’m not saying that the Gallaghers are inherently selfish people, but they have their own separate lives. If it wasn’t for their monetary hardships, I think they’d all be living on their own right now, not in a shared house. As Fiona realized in this episode, they just don’t need each other anymore.

However, this doesn’t take away my frustration with the way Fiona has been treated for the entire second half of this season. Because in this episode alone, Debbie noticed Carl getting down on himself and refused to let him be upset for more than a day. And mind you, Carl was going through heartbreak, not being cheated on, cut out of a huge business deal, and a sudden alcohol dependency. The more I think about it, I feel like Fiona turned to alcohol because she couldn’t lean on anyone in her family.

This is why Fiona’s send off is so bittersweet to me. I’m ecstatic that she’s finally getting out and making a life for herself, but I’m heartbroken that she was pushed to do it because her family seemingly didn’t want her around anymore. Too bad she didn’t take Liam with her — he sure knows how she feels.

I hoped that this finale would be something unexpected and jaw dropping, but as I said previously, Shameless just isn’t that show anymore. Instead, Fiona left with a quiet and understated notion that this is her happy ending. She doesn’t need all the chaos and the trouble she thought she was addicted to. You can take the girl out of the Southside, and maybe, just maybe, you can take the Southside out of the girl too.

So what is Season 10 going to look like? Well, Fiona left half her money to her siblings. So maybe they’ll use it to get far away from each other and start their own lives too, as best they can manage with a little over 10K each at least. With no mention of Xan and Tammi constantly changing her mind about the baby, it’s hard to tell where Lip’s storyline is going. Debbie and Carl were left in relatively stable places at the end of the finale, and while Frank needs to be off his feet for the next few months, we all know that being the cockroach he is, he’ll come out the other side just fine (as fine as Frank can be, that is).

Perhaps the only promising aspect of the coming season is that Cameron Monaghan is set to return as a series regular, after only half a season being gone. Whether this means we’ll see him in prison with Mickey is yet to be revealed, but either way, I’m excited to see where his story goes.

For now though, I’d like to appreciate Emmy Rossum and her beautiful portrayal of the delightfully complex woman that is Fiona Gallagher. I’ve never seen a character quite like her, and I’ll forever be thankful for the smiles, laughs and tears she caused me while watching her on my screen. Truthfully, I’m nervous to see where this show goes without her. But regardless, there’s nine seasons telling the captivating story of Fiona to look back on. And though its on-screen end was quiet, I’d like to think it wouldn’t stay like that for long.

After all, if there’s anything we know about Fiona, it’s that she brings the party with her wherever she goes.

Jessica’s episode rating: 🐝🐝🐝.5

#Shameless #Found #Season Finale

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kiruuuuu · 6 years

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Me too, @ruaniamh. Me too :) Thank you so much for this request because I’ll gladly make Doc suffer some more! 💖 (Rating M, no mutual suffering cos Jäger is actually having a great time in this one, non-explicit sex, ~2.5k words)

“You look tired”, Blitz remarks right as Doc finishes his examination and earns himself a withering glare.

“Seems like your arm has healed. Maybe now you’ll think twice about engaging in any sport with the small word ‘ultimate’ in its title, even if it’s followed by ‘frisbee’. And yes, I am indeed tired”, Doc replies icily, “and you and your teammates are a large part as to why. Did you know I received a call last night about what I thought to be a medical emergency which turned out to be the impromptu funeral of a rabbit which wasn’t even dead? It must’ve taken a few sips from Bandit’s rum bottle because it showed very similar symptoms in that both of them were largely lethargic with spontaneous bouts of activity, if you can call running into a tree head first a hobby. With how often Bandit does it, I’d say it counts.”

“That’s exactly the reason why I’m mentioning it”, Blitz continues, incomprehensibly excited, “because we actually have a present for you. We pitched in together since you’ve done so much for us, went above and beyond, and we wanted to show you just how much we appreciate all that you’re doing.”

Oh. This is – unexpected. For a few blissful seconds in which the existence of a universe with frightfully idiotic special operators seems nothing but a fever dream, Doc is actually flattered and moved by the gesture. Then suspicion takes over. “…what is it?”

“You’ve been stressed recently and so we thought a vacation is just the thing you need.”

They’re not wrong, though admittedly, Doc could always use a vacation, he just normally doesn’t allow himself to take a rest, abandon his work and the people who count on him. Because as much as he likes to complain, he does genuinely believe they’re good, hard-working people who are able to change the world for the better and he’s proud to serve by their side, honoured for the opportunity to befriend this many compassionate, attentive -

“So we bought you a stay in an all-inclusive hotel in Spain. For an entire week!”

Doc just looks at the beaming German in front of him. He would’ve taken anything, anything, even the bitter cold of the arctic over having literally nothing to do. He likes to go hiking, explore cities and landscapes, and what he doesn’t enjoy is laying in the sun all day wasting away. “That’s uh -”, he starts and is interrupted by a cheery: “You’re welcome! And don’t bring too many books, I’m sure you’ll find enough to do once you’re there.”

And the last wink really should’ve made him realise what was going on.

“You”, Doc says loudly, loud enough to be audible over the busy chatter in the luxurious lobby, carpet thick, windows tall and spotless, pillars actual marble, and points at the person whom he’s addressing, “you. I – this… you are fucking kidding me. This isn’t happening. I’m out. I’m going fucking home. Jesus fucking Christ, what the fuck were they thinking?”

People have begun to stare and Jäger walks over, suitcase in tow, so Doc doesn’t have to yell anymore. “I’m pretty sure I can guess”, he replies and sounds entirely too upbeat about this whole disaster of a situation, “you know, Elias has been going on about you and me not showing enough affection to each other.”

So Blitz thought he’d play marriage counsellor. Great. Fan-fucking-tastic. Not only is everyone on the base still convinced the two of them are a couple, now they’re also meddling in their alleged affairs. Even though it’s only noon and Doc got enough sleep last night, he’s beginning to feel exhaustion weighing down his bones. “Did they really -” Book an expensive hotel for a week so Doc and Jäger could have some quality time together? The thought is too horrifying to actually say out loud.

Jäger shrugs and nods. “Seems that way, hm? I was confused why the lady behind the counter told me my ‘partner’ had arrived already.”

“I need something to drink.”

“Knock yourself out. It’s all inclusive.”

Doc does indeed knock himself out. He spends the first evening in the hotel bar, bemoaning his fate to everyone who doesn’t manage to get away fast enough and the first night hugging the really quite beautiful toilet while Jäger just giggles at him. He doesn’t seem any less intoxicated than Doc himself but apparently is more adept at holding his liquor – at least for a while. They somehow manage to take shifts in sleeping in their double bed (because of course they’re going to have to share a bed) and vomiting and they end up looking like zombies during breakfast. Blitz sends a text to Jäger about whether they’re enjoying their surprise and Doc only barely restrains himself from answering with a barrage of insults.

There really isn’t anything to do, so when Jäger goes to sleep off the food coma from the excellent breakfast buffet, Doc visits the beach and seeks shelter under a parasol where he tries to read one of the many books he brought until his eyes are falling closed as well. The sweltering heat together with the bright sun are headache inducing even through the painkillers he took pre-emptively this morning, and so he resorts to the one thing which never fails to help: dozing. It’s been a while since he was free from all obligations and duties and so he’s unlearned what to do when he’s not constantly anticipating the next emergency.

He’s awoken by a gentle touch to his hand and blinks groggily into the bright red fabric of the parasol which has miraculously moved to ensure he’s still in its shadow. Going by the fact that Jäger is now perched on another lounger next to him, it’s safe to assume he has to thank the German for saving him from the fate of ending up as red as a boiled lobster.

“Can you get my back? I want to go swimming in a bit.” Jäger holds out a bottle of sunscreen and switches over to Doc’s beach chair when he accepts it with a sigh. “Have you seen the dudes around here? It’s like a gay paradise. Pure eye candy.”

“You should’ve asked one of the prettier ones to smear sun cream all over you”, Doc grumbles as he rubs the cool lotion into the skin of Jäger’s back, barely resisting the urge to draw a dick on him first.

“I did. He’s currently at it.”

Doc snorts, amused for exactly as long as it takes for him to notice Jäger’s small moan while he’s massaging the back of his neck. A terrifying thought dawns on him. “Please tell me you don’t get horny when you’re bored.”

“Of course I do. What else is there to do? Just take a look around, there’s so many gorgeous guys wearing shockingly little and I bet they want to get away from their nagging fake husbands too.”

He pushes against Jäger’s shoulder blades, causing him to lean forward, and dips his hand into the back of his swimming trunks. Better safe than sorry – he once got a nasty sunburn right above his waistline and cursed himself for not being more careful. “I refuse to believe that anyone out there shares our fate. I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy. Also, if you fuck a stranger in our bed, I’m going to murder you in your sleep.”

“Alright, I’ll stay classy then and fuck them on a toilet or something. I saw you ogle that one brunette though and the same goes for you. No fucking with women in our bed, and if it’s a dude, you better invite me to join.”

“Is that really all there is to do here? Flirt with people?”

Jäger shrugs. “You can go for a swim with me.”

Their banter is oddly freeing. Because no matter how much Doc doesn’t want to be here in this hot hell, at least he’s not alone. He likes Jäger as a person and their mutual exasperation helped them bond even further – maybe he should change his perspective and view this week as a spontaneous holiday together with a friend. Yeah, he can do that. So he finds himself nodding. “Alright. Let’s go.”

“Wait, you should probably apply some sunscreen too. I’ll help.” And as Jäger’s hands gently dig into his muscles, causing him to hum in approval, Doc realises something about himself he didn’t know before. He also gets horny when he’s bored.

He’s just never been this bored before.

“Look, Gustave, you’re a great guy and I really enjoyed your company, but I have to be honest with you – I’m not the kind of person to encourage affairs”, the cute brunette woman tells him with a soft, regretful smile.

He blinks at her. It was perfect, they spent the better part of two hours talking, getting to know each other and making each other laugh. Hers is melodic and sweet, the lines in the corners of her eyes alluring and the fact that she’s actually successful and happy as a freelancer nothing but impressive. She’s caring and a great listener and - “What do you mean?”

“I’ve seen you with your husband. I’m sorry, but I don’t do this kind of thing. If you’re unhappy, I’m not the person with whom you should talk. He is.” And with a last squeeze of his hand, she vanishes into a different corner of the vast and uncomfortably dark bar, leaving Doc to put his head in his hands and take a deep breath.

Someone takes her place with a bitter grin which speaks of solidarity. “No luck either?”, Jäger asks.

“No. She also went right past couple and directly to marriage. Maybe we should stop hanging out together.”

“That only works if we’re not sleeping in the same room. Feel free to book one for yourself because I’m definitely staying for free.”

“Why so optimistic, did you actually manage to score a romantic public bathroom blow job?”

“Ah, not yet. But I’m still looking.” Jäger takes another sip from his brightly coloured drink as if he hasn’t had enough the previous night, and lets his gaze travel through the room, allowing for Doc to study him in peace. He’s actually not bad company, a bit immature at times but even Doc got caught up in splashing around in the sea earlier, and he entertained him by explaining exactly how he could take all the electronics in their room apart to construct a microwave, thus allowing him to microwave Nutella to the perfect consistency to eat it with a spoon directly out of the jar. Doc stated that he’d just need to put the jar out in the sun or change the thermostat in their room and Jäger called him a spoilsport in return. He really isn’t that bad. It could be worse.

“Marius”, he says pensively and is immediately granted Jäger’s full attention, “do you… want to go back to our room?”

He doesn’t understand at first, reacts with confusion at Doc’s odd tone of voice but once he gets it, his eyes widen. Nodding eagerly, he attempts to finish his drink and answer simultaneously, resulting in a coughing fit which leaves Doc grinning.

The grin fades as soon as they shut the door behind them.

They don’t even manage to undress fully before Doc is buried to the hilt, and so Jäger gets to try his hand at multitasking once more, this time pulling it off without a hitch: he’s riding, taking off his shirt and moaning filth at the same time while Doc grabs two handfuls of his plump backside and meets his movements, idly wondering just how thick the walls between rooms are.

It ends up being almost compulsive. They try their best to find other activities, join people they don’t know in beach volleyball or badminton, go swimming every day, take walks, browse the internet on their phones or on Jäger’s laptop, but there’s a surprising amount of hours in the day and some of them actually make it impossible to leave their air-conditioned room because they’re entirely too hot. So they really have no other choice.

Soon, the other guests’ reactions to merely seeing them span a wide range, among them outright disgust, knowledgable smirks and supportive smiles. One retiree even approaches them with a mischievous grin and lets them know he’d be up for a threesome if they’re looking, but Doc quickly sends him away before Jäger can even think about agreeing.

It happens more than once that Doc finds himself on their bed, Jäger entirely too loud while on his hands and knees before him with a frothing mixture of what Doc identifies to be his own come as well as the coconut oil they’ve grown fond of using dripping down his scrotum and he doesn’t even have the energy to be scandalised anymore. He’s accepted his fate by now, and if his fate is to survive a gruellingly carnal sex holiday, then so be it.

He’s stopped trying to correct people who call Jäger his husband. He even makes the mistake of signing a postcard his friend sends back to Hereford.

“So, how was your vacation?”, Blitz asks with a shit eating grin while they’re having lunch, sharing a curry IQ made which drew both the GSG9 as well as the GIGN operators together, resulting in six expectant faces turning to Doc and Jäger at the question.

“It was really fucking hot”, Jäger replies like an idiot and Doc wishes him physical harm.

“I bet it was”, Bandit mutters into his meal and earns a few snorts.

“You definitely look more relaxed than before”, Blitz takes over again, not wanting the conversation to derail this soon.

“Do I?” Doc certainly doesn’t feel more relaxed, his muscles are aching and his penis is still sore.

“Yeah, you’re positively glowing. So you both enjoyed yourselves?”

“Or each other, more like.” Bandit again. And that is it.

It can’t be that no one is taking Doc seriously, not when he stoops to actually holding a funeral speech for a fucking rabbit for his colleagues, not when he’s sweated and bled and worked himself raw for them. It’s ridiculous, absolutely absurd and, frankly, insulting. He can only imagine the reactions were he to actually start dating someone else and it’s bad enough he has to deal with his family thinking they’re together because they refuse to listen as well and why in the world is his dick hard. No, really. Why. This is probably the most inopportune -

“Did you make the curry with coconut milk?”, Jäger wants to know from IQ and judging by the vague panic in his expression, Doc surmises that he’s in a similar state. And oh. Does this mean he can never eat or smell coconut again without getting a boner? “I, uh, just need to go to the bathroom real quick.”

And while Jäger flees, Doc feels his own erection twitch in his pants. “Yeah”, he says distractedly, “me too.”

The snickering follows him all the way to the bathroom door and yet is soon forgotten. Seems like he’s not too tired for now.

#rainbow six siege #doc #jäger #doc/jäger #fanfic #request #and the saga continues #I'm delighted you like them cos they're fantastic to write #doc is like y my pp hard #classical conditioning is a bitch :)

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ficsuniteheredftba · 7 years

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I’m Not Complaining

Fandom: Harry Potter

Pairing: James Potter x reader

Requested: No

Prompt/Summary: James catches you singing and dancing around your dorm room which embarrasses you but entices him.

Word Count: 2,010

Pronouns Used: She/Her

Warnings: None

A/N: The song mentioned in this imagine is timeline accurate, meaning that it had been written and released before 1971-1978, the years that the Marauders attended Hogwarts. The song is “I Feel Pretty” from West Side Story as this is the only rendition of the song in existence at that time. As such, the song contains the original lyrics from the musical. While none of the language is in any way offensive, the phrases and words in the song exist in a different context today than they would’ve at the time, so please keep that in mind while reading.

Your name: submit What is this?

Sirius, Peter, Remus, and James were huddled together in the middle of the Gryffindor common room, talking back and forth at lighting speed. They were planning their next prank; the victim this time was set to be Filch.

“Don’t you think,” began Peter, “that we should get (Y/N) for this? After all, she’s probably going to have to help with the distraction part of this. I think she’ll appreciate knowing what she needs to do before our plan starts to actually unfold.”

“You’re right, Wormtail, and I know just the man for the job. Are you up for the task, James? I’ll get Alice to stand on the stairs while you go up so they don’t turn,” announced Remus.

“Not that I’m complaining, but why is it my job, exactly?” inquired James.

“That’s why, Prongs. It’s your job because you’re not complaining, and we all know why,” Sirius gave his fellow Marauder a suggestive look.

James picked up right away on what was being hinted at. The other boys knew one of James’s secrets, a very private one that he had never intended for them to discover. He had a crush on (Y/N), something he had revealed during a late night game of truth or dare in the boys’ dormitory. Looking back, James wished he had just lied about the whole thing to avoid all the future teasing he would receive.

(Y/N) was essentially a fifth Marauder; she never went anywhere without all of the boys in tow. It was hard seeing her each day and doing things together when he knew that they would never be more than friends. It was especially difficult when she’d do something like lie across his lap, and he had to pretend it didn’t send shivers up his spine. Still, he managed, but it certainly wasn’t easy with the other Marauders making fun of him constantly.

“Shut up, mate. Just call over Alice so that I can get this job over with,” James countered.

Remus smirked at this, opening his mouth to yell at the girl across the common room. “Hey, Alice, could you stand on the staircase to the girls’ dormitories for a second? It’s crucial that James speaks to someone now, and we need to stop the steps from turning into a slide.”

Alice frowned at this, clearly unsure of the boys’ intentions. “You’re not trying to spy on any of the girls, are you? That seems like something you lot would do, and I refuse to help you with a stunt as revolting as that.”

“No, we promise that nothing of the sort will happen. James just has some private business with a certain lady that I believe you share a room with yourself,” Sirius interjected.

Alice grumbled, but stood from her seat and climbed up to the middle of the requested staircase. James rose as well, rolling his eyes as the three boys near him cheered him on. Beginning to feel slightly giddy about the prospect of seeing (Y/N), he climbed the stairs two at a time until he reached the top.

Turning around, James stated, “Thanks, Alice. I really appreciate it.”

“I know that you’re going to go see (Y/N), and I also know you don’t just see her as a friend. The way you look at her is a dead giveaway, not to mention the way your friends joke with you when she’s mentioned. I’d like you to know, then, that she talks about you all the time, and she feels the same way,” Alice quipped.

James was just about to ask Alice if she really meant that when he noticed that she had already disappeared. Gathering his pride once more, James began to make his way to his crush’s dorm, the direction to which he could walk with his eyes closed.

It took very little time to make it to the wooden door he required, and when he did, James noticed that the door was already open a crack. Curious as to what was going on inside, he peaked in ever so slightly and saw that (Y/N) was there by herself. That, however, was not what interested the dark haired boy. Instead, he was intrigued by the actions of the quirky girl who appeared to be dancing around the room and singing wearing nothing but a long, baggy jumper and her knickers. James was undeniably enjoying the performance in front of him, so he decided to observe for a bit before he would make his presence known.

(Y/N) had finally gotten some time in her dorm with none of the other girls around. Lily and Marlene were off in the library, Alice was probably wherever Frank found himself, and Dorcas was playing a mock game of Quidditch with some of her other friends. This left (Y/N) free to do whatever she pleased, and she was definitely taking advantage of this, doing what many girls find themselves doing when alone: dancing and singing around her room. After all, with no one to bother her, she felt liberated to act a bit silly.

Trying to think of the perfect song to perform, (Y/N) searched her mind before discovering one tune that had been tucked away for some time. Finding her voice, (Y/N) began to sing.

“I feel pretty, oh so pretty,” she started, jumping in the air and spinning before landing on her feet.

“I feel pretty and witty and gay, and I pity any girl who isn’t me today,” she continued, now swinging around a stack of books on the floor and sitting on them, crossing one leg over the other, then repeating the process with the opposite leg.

“I feel charming, oh so charming.” The next move in this routine was standing and running for a second before performing a straight leap.

“It’s alarming how charming I feel, and so pretty that I hardly can believe I am real,” (Y/N) sang, proceeding to curtsy before climbing up onto her bed and twirling around her bedpost.

“See that pretty girl in that mirror there?” was the next line, prompting the girl to lean her body into view of the full mirror on the wall she was facing.

Jumping off the bed, she ran up to the glass fixture and put her arms on either side of it. “Who can that attractive girl be?” She did a shrugging shoulders motion, watching her reflection.

“Such a pretty face, such a pretty dress, such a pretty smile, such a pretty me!” (Y/N) hit the high note at the end, kicking her left then her right leg out to the side before putting her hands over her heart. She was about to continue before a voice interrupted her show.

“Well,” began James, “I agree that you are very beautiful, (Y/N).” He smirked, watching the girl gasp in surprise before turning around to see him.

“Oh, James, w-what are you doing here?” the girl asked, face flushed from embarrassment.

“Just watching my favorite girl dancing around in her pajamas,” he retorted, trying to sound flirty.

Absorbing what James had just said, (Y/N) looked down and noticed that she was, in fact, not properly dressed. While you couldn’t see anything you explicitly shouldn’t, her lower body was visible until her upper thigh.

“Um, sorry, could you just, give me a minute?” she pleaded, moving to close the door so that he couldn’t see any more of her until she was completely dressed. She didn’t quite accomplish her task, however, because the boy began talking again.

“Hey, it’s fine; I don’t mind. After all, we’re all friends here right?” he joked, rubbing the back of his neck nervously, trying to look suave by leaning against the doorframe.

“Yeah... friends,” (Y/N) commented, an odd note being contained in her voice. The dark haired boy could tell that there was something bothering her and making her disinterested in talking to him, probably something that he had said without realizing considering that she just now developed this attitude.

“Listen, I was sent by the three halfwits to tell you that we are organizing a prank, and it’s very likely that you’ll be involved, so we figured you should be in on the planning,” James rushed, trying to bring back the conversation.

“Is that all you want? If so, I’ll be down there soon,” the girl uttered, going to shut the door once more before James stuck his foot out, blocking the entryway.

“No, no, (Y/N), there’s something else I want to tell you,” he begged, deciding that it was now or never to tell the truth about his feelings. After all, he was feeling particularly brave with the help of Alice’s admission from earlier, and he wasn’t sure if he’d ever have enough courage to try again.

“What, Potter?” was (Y/N)’s response, the beginning of annoyance clearly audible in her voice.

“Look,” was the boy’s approach as he placed a hand on his crush’s cheek, “this is really hard for me to admit, but I want you to know that I have liked you for some time and not as a friend. I’m in love, (Y/N). I love the way that you smile and laugh when I tell a stupid joke that no one else thought was funny. I love the way that you dance and sing when you think no one else is around. I love you and everything about you. All I need is for you to tell me if you feel the same.”

(Y/N) moved her gaze to the hand that was resting on her face and then to the hazel eyes in front of her. She took a deep breath before speaking, and James was starting to fear that he would now be facing rejection. A million thoughts began racing through his head, one of which was disbelief that Alice had set him up for a disaster. Still, when the girl spoke, he listened carefully to her answer, receiving a response that he was not expecting.

“I love you too, James. I have for a long while,” (Y/N) whispered, eliciting laughter from the pair of teens.

“Yes! Yes!” the boy cheered, so excited about hearing this that he picked up his crush and twirled her around for some time before finally releasing her and pressing a quick kiss to her lips.

“That was weak, Prongs, and you know it too,” (Y/N) joked, wrapping her arms around James’s neck and pulling him closer to her until their lips touched. The boy, clearly feeling emboldened, moved the both of them until the girl’s back was touching the wall of her room. The session between the two of them began to get more passionate, the kissing becoming more intense until the two pulled apart to breathe.

(Y/N) looked up at James admirably, running one of her hands through a mess of his hair before speaking. “I think you should probably head back downstairs so the others don’t get any nasty ideas about what we were doing. I’ll get changed and meet you there soon, okay?”

James, clearly still dazed, gave her a look before responding, “Yeah, yeah, that’s a good idea. I’ll see you then.” Deciding that the timing was right, he momentarily grabbed (Y/N)’s hand and squeezed it before letting go and turning away. He was about to walk out of the room when a thought came to him and he decided to verbalize it.

“Hey,” noted James, “I just want to let you know, the next time you’re having a recital in your room, I’d like to receive an invitation. After all, watching you dance around like that... Let’s just say I’m not complaining.”

The boy left on that note, closing the door behind him so (Y/N) could have some privacy while dressing. Once she heard James’s footsteps retreating, she fell backwards onto her bed, squealing over the events that had just taken place. It required many moments before the girl was calm enough to get up, grab some clothes, and pull them on quickly, eager to see all of her companions, but most excited to get back to her beau.

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starrbomb · 7 years

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So I have a headcanon that lance use to help his mother out around the house, mostly with the cleaning. And I somehow got this, so I hope you enjoy. This is mostly lance being buddies with the lions. ------------------- It was his mother that got him started. She would always need help with it, not that she was fragile, she's anything but. But that doesn't mean that she didn't enjoy the help, especially with the cabinets and bookshelves. And Lance didn't mind at all. He loved helping his mom, and cleaning up the house was just one of the things they could do together. Sure, everyone helped out, but it was always Lance who didn't it without being asked. And after a while, it became sort of a coping mechanism. Whenever Lance felt overwhelmed, or if his anxiety got to be too much. You would always find him doing dishes or vacuuming. It was therapeutic in a way. It was something that he can control, that got him out of his head. His mom always told him “a clean house is a happy house.” It may be overused, but to Lance it always made sense. If the house is clean, then everyone inside the house is happy. Even him. Lance never realized how much he relied on his family. Always making something to clean up. Always keeping him busy. But now that he's out in space, on a giant castle ship, with only six other people. Lance can't help but miss it. at first Lance worked on his room. Mostly dusting, and rearranging his drawers. But after the tenth time rearranging everything, Lance realized that he couldn't clean his room more if he tried. So he moved on to other rooms. Within two weeks, every room in the castle had been dusted, vacuumed, mopped, swept and picked up as need be. The castle was spotless. And Lance felt better. He always did after a good cleaning session, albeit a long one. But it was nice. It reminded him of home; of some normalcy in what is now his life. But soon the anxiety and the homesickness came back. But there wasn't really anything to clean anymore. It wasn't like there were hyperactive kids that will knock things over anymore. There wasn't anyone constantly making a mess. There wasn't anyone constantly cooking up a storm , sure,Hunk is always cooking, but his moms taught him well on keeping a kitchen clean, so Lance didn't really have dishes to clean. He'll, even their laundry is done by the castle, no help needed there. He remembers when he use to get pretty mad at his family whenever they would create a mess. But now…..now he just wishes he had something to clean. To remind him of home. Lance was climbing out of blue, feeling a bit down for the count after a nasty fight with the Galra, that unfortunately when through some kind of space mucus ozone that surrounded a moon they were fighting nearby that got all over the lions, gunking up a lot of their movements. Thankfully it did the same to the Galra fleets, so it wasn't that hard to beat them after that. But Lance could practically feel the stuff, and he wasn't even the one covered in it. After taking a good look at Blue, Lance knew that he had to get all that mucus off of her. If it was messing with her movements now, he didn't even want to know how bad it would get once it hardened. After hijacking Pidge's latest project(a set of goggles that can translate written Altean into English, he has to give her props, this is some of her best work.) he found the right soap to use and even some wax that he can use afterwards. Blue was going to be the best looking Lion around. And he got to work. He scrubbed every inch of her till he was sure that all the hunk was off, and even asked her multiple times if he missed a spot. Who told him about every missed spot or hard to reach place. Once he had finished washing off all the mucus, he gave her a much needed waxing. No one could deny that happiness that Blue felt all throughout it and afterwards. And Lance finally had something that he could clean when everything got to be too much. They were both very happy. It became a regular thing, after that. Whenever he had too much on his mind, Lance would go down and work on Blue. Whether it was the outside or in the cockpit. There have even been a few times where he would work on her maintenance system, but only if it needed fixing and Blue has to walk him through it. And he would talk to her, about everything and anything. About things on Earth or his family. About the others and planets that they have saved. And Blue would listen to it all, very story about when he was little and every worry that plagued his mind. She would send him support, and love and tell him that she was so glad that he was her pilot. They were both happy. But then things started to get kinda weird. It seems that while Blue was flying just as smooth as ever, some of the other lions were having problems with certain maneuvers and actions. Which definitely slowed down their progress of freeing the galaxy. But the weirdest thing is that the other Lions started to show up in Blue’s hangar whenever Lance went down there to talk with Blue and clean up whatever was left on her from the last battle. At first they would just sit outside of her hangar, not really pushing but definitely making he know that they were there. But it was the Red Lion who got sick of sitting around, she had butted her way into Blue’s hangar and sat next to her. And That was when Lance saw it. Dried Mucus. But that battle was months ago. Lance couldn't help but get mad. He went to check the other lions, and sure enough, there was still dried mucus and other markings from past battles littering the Lions. No wonder the other lions couldn't do maneuvers anymore. There was still gunk clogging up their joints and maybe even in their hydrologics. Lance patted Blue on the nose and apologized, saying that he might not be able to clean her today, because there is no way he's going to let the others stay like that. She sent him warm understanding and told him that the other lions were very grateful that he was doing this for them. It took him two days of no sleep and barely eating to get all the lions completely cleaned and gave each of them a waxing that had them shining like stars. All the while, no one had gone to check up on him. While that did sting, it was probably for the best. If he had seen any of the others, he would have gone off on them for leaving their lions in such a state. Soon, the other lions became part of his routine as well. Cleaning the cockpits, washing and waxing the exterior. He was really surprised and honored when Blue told him that Black asked if he could help with his control panel.( it seems that Shiro and Black Had taken a nasty hit during one of their recent battles and Shiro got thrown against the panel.hard.) It was confusing at first, and the damage was more serious than he thought, but thanks to Blue relaying everything Between Lance and Black, he was able to fix him up without much trouble. Without even realizing it, Lance had started talking to the other Lions as well. It started off as complaining about how the others don't clean them like they should, if ever. But soon enough he was talking to them like he does with Blue. And while he doesn't hear them respond, Blue does relay any messages back to him. Lance never realized how close he had gotten to the other Lions until after a pretty nasty battle against some sort of squid Robeast. Blue and Red had taken a lot of hits to keep the Galra off of Green who had taken a nasty blow, making them power down. In the end they were able to beat the robeast, but Lance knew that he was going to have to buff out some dents on Blue and Red. Lance had just gotten done with buffing out a pretty nasty dent in Red’s armor, that Keith came into Red’s hangar. And it seems that Keith was not happy to see Lance there. “What are you doing?” “Um…” “Get off of Red. Now.” “But I'm not do-” “She's not your Lion. Get off her. NOW.” That was when Red put up her barrier. Keeping Keith out. Lance couldn't help but snicker. Because now Keith was yelling at Red to let him in. And apparently he was losing the argument, because the barrier didn't go down at all. It didn't even waver when Keith decided that hitting it would get his point across. That was when Lance felt Red give off a kind of purr, at least he thought it was Red. It was probably thanks to Blue, telling him that Red wanted him to keep doing what he was doing. So Lance went on to the next one, and next one even with Keith telling him to go away. Even after Keith left the hangar. And even when Keith came back with Shiro and Allura in tow. “Lance?” Lance looked away from his work and looked at Shiro, who looked just as confused as Allura. All the while Keith is behind them, just as mad as when he came in. “Yeah?” “What are you doing?” “Buffing out dents. I saw that Red and Blue had some pretty nasty one after the battle.” “Ok…...and why are buffing out the dents of the Red Lion?” “Why don't you go and do that on Blue then!” Ah, and there is Keith. Lance was wondering when he would butt-in. “I already did Blue’s.” Ha, suck on that, Keith. “But why are you doing Red’s, Keith could have-” “No. he wouldn't.” Lance climbs down from his spot on the Red lion and heads over to Shiro and Allura. He stopped just at the edge of the barrier. Now he could really see that Keith did not like being called out. “You don't know that!!!” “Yes. I do.” Wow, Keith REALLY didn't like being called out on this. But this was going to happen sooner or later, lance is just surprised that it took them this long to realize it. “Lance, you can't just clean another Paladin’s Lion.” “Why not. I do it for all the lions.” “Wha….what?” “I take care of all the lions. I buff out dents, I wash off gunk, I even clean the cockpits.” They all look at Lance like he just talked in an unknown language. the fact that Lance has been doing this for all the lions seems to come as a surprise to them. Even Keith lost his anger and is looking at Lance like he's the 8th wonder of the world. Allura is the first to get back some sense of her voice, quietly asking lance “and they let you? Do all of this?” “Let me? They almost shoved themselves into Blue’s hangar hoping I would see how much work they needed. Red actually did!” Lance points back to the Red Lion, who still keeps the barrier up, if only to tell Lance that there are still some dents that need to be buffed out. “How...how long have you been doing this?” Shiro's stutters out, still trying to get a grip on the situation. “I don't know…...maybe a few months? At least two months.” Lance said, trying to recall how long he's been cleaning all the lions. “You've been doing this for that long and never asked us to help? Lance, while the gesture is nice, we can clean our own Lions.” “Apparently not. You guys didn't even clean off the mucus gunk from MONTHS ago! How did you guys not realize that the reason the lions were slower to respond than usual was because they could barely even bend their joints! If you guys won't even clean them when they OBVIOUSLY need it, then how can they trust you guys to buff out a few dents!” Lance said to much. He realized it as soon as it was out of his mouth. He just called out, not just Keith, but ALL of them. That was not how he wanted the conversation to go. Wow, was the that floor panel always so interesting, because there's no way Lance is going to look them in the face after that outburst. “Lance….I'm sorry.” Well that definitely got lance to look up at Keith, who actually looked sincere. Lance can't remember any time Keith has been sincere, well yes he can, but never to Lance. “I haven't really been the best when it comes to taking care of Red. But you don't have to do it anymore. I’ll-” “Woah! Woah, Keith you don't have to apologize to me about it. Maybe Red, but not me. I love cleaning the Lions. And while it would be nice it you guys helped out once in awhile, I don't want to stop cleaning them.” “Wait, so you actually like cleaning them?” “Yeah! It reminds me…..it reminds me of home. I use to help my mom with all the cleaning, so being able to do this, it...it helps with the homesickness.” Lance couldn't help but get a bit flustered saying it out loud, but he needs to let them know that he enjoys doing this for the lions. He enjoys being able to do this for them. He doesn't want to stop doing this. He can hear Blue purring in the back of his mind, letting him know that the other lions enjoy it just as much as he does. “Still, You shouldn't have to do this….. At least not by yourself. They are our lions. But if it means that much to you, I guess we can't really complain. Especially with all that you've done for them.” Shiro gestures up to Red. “But, you shouldn't have to do all of the work, Lance. It's not fair to you, or the lions.” Lance nods. He knows that Shiro is right, but he also knows that the lions can be kind of picky about how they get cleaned. For a bunch of robot lions, they are really vocal about what they like and don't like. And this just means that Lance is going to have to teach the others about each lions quirks when it comes to keeping them clean. “How about I finish up here and everyone can meet up in the break lounge, then we can talk more about it.” “Why not go now?” “I'm pretty sure Red isn't going to lower the barrier until I'm done.” Lance stares up at Red, as if staring at her long enough will make her put down the shield. It does not. So win a wave to the others, Lance goes back to buffing out Red, with a much brighter smile than he's had in awhile. Sure, Lance loves being able to take care of the lions. It reminds him of his mom and his family. It reminds him of home. But the one thing that makes it even better is when others are doing it with you. It helps bring people together, to talk and bond with each other. And if Lance was being honest, he missed that most of all.

#lance #voltron #vld #Voltron legendary defenders #blue lion #there may be some hinting at Black Paladin lance #wink wink #I've been posting some pretty angst stuff #so here's some fluff

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