#we're doing one more round of treatments but if it's not better in the next two months then I'm probably just shit out of luck

[dcviline]

hi I'm home but I did not get great news from the doctor today so I'm a little :')

#᯽ ooc. ⊱ ── ❝ 𝘖𝘩 𝘯𝘰 𝘪𝘵'𝘴 𝘔𝘢𝘳𝘪. ❞ #medical tw #negative tw #I'm frustrated I don't even know how to explain it #I'm not gonna dump too much on the dash about it but basic tmi tl;dr #I might have some permanent hearing loss that was entirely preventable #all because my insurance provider and the healthcare system kept fucking around with me for the past year dealing with these problems #we're doing one more round of treatments but if it's not better in the next two months then I'm probably just shit out of luck #which really fucking sucks bc I'm a musician and now I can't hear any of it the same :( #I'm just. I'm extremely upset and kinda resigned about it idk.

[canonmisogynyvictimstournament]

PRELIMINARY ROUND - DC COMICS

PROPAGANDA

Stephanie Brown (CW: Pregnancy)

1.) Steph was created by noted conservative Chuck Dixon, so, off to a good start. She's was a superhero called the Spoiler and was Tim Drake's (the third Robin, yes there's multiple Robins) love interest. From the start, she's consistently framed as a wannabe vigilante who doesn't know what she's doing, who needs to be protected against herself. Pretty much everyone in her vicinity but ESPECIALLY the men thinks she's incompetent, and completely dismissing her vigilantism, constantly telling her to stop, condescending to her non-stop, and we're clearly supposed to agree with them. Her relationship with Tim was fraught with misogynistic tropes, from her relentlessly pursuing him like it's her job to him being one of her #1 condescenders. She gets a teen pregnancy arc by, again, noted conservative Chuck Dixon, where she's used as a mouthpiece for his pro-life stance. Eventually, she gets made Robin for like six weeks as a consolation prize. A consolation prize for what? Being violently killed off in a crossover event, where Steph, after being fired from Robin in an attempt to prove herself, kickstarts one of Batman's plans without understanding the consequences, resulting in an all-out, violent gang war where Steph gets tortured to near-death, and then left to die on purpose by her doctor (a character massacre in its own right btw). She does eventually get retconned as surviving the event and hiding out in Africa (don't ask, it does not make more sense in context), and eventually, things start looking up for her when she's made Batgirl, after the previous Batgirl (yes, there's more than one Batgirl) got forced out of the mantle for entirely DIFFERENT misogynistic nonsense reasons. Her Batgirl run has its issues but is mostly pretty good and deals with the lack of support she received from everyone around her. THEN the universe got rebooted entirely (just roll with it) and bc there were a lot of ppl up high (specifically a guy called Dan Didio, who we all hate) who REALLY hated the idea of Batgirls that weren't Barbara Gordon, Steph not only got forced out of the mantle in favor of a Barbara Gordon (who got magically cured of her full below-the-waist paralysis in one of the worst acts of ableism DC has ever seen and that's saying a LOT), but for years, there was a complete, editorial-enforced ban on even mentioning her or the other previous Batgirl, Cassandra Cain. This eventually got lifted and she was brought back with a completely mangled backstory. Dan Didio has since left the company and she's in a better place now, but her character never recovered from All That imo. DC has SO MUCH sexism it's laughable, and even writing this down I needed to skip or skim over huge examples of misogyny like Barbara's treatment in The Killing Joke and Cass's villain arc, but Steph is one of those characters who's just barely gotten any kind of break ever since she was created. At least Barbara got a cool hero identity which specifically challenged and deconstructed her fridging in The Killing Joke (until she was forced into Batgirl again but that wasn't misogyny towards her it was ableism) and Cass had a long-running, extremely popular Batgirl solo prior to being character massacred. Poor Steph just gets consolation prize after consolation prize bc nobody can be normal about her for some reason.

2.) what if you were introduced to be Robin’s love interest had the most batshit teen pregnancy storyline rooted in the writers views of women and theeeeen after all that when ur boyfriend quit being robin batman took you in as the next batman only to try and make your now-ex jealous to get him to come be robin again and you never got a real shot at it? what if then he fired you, the first time a robin has ACTUALLY gotten legitimately fired without getting to come back and then died after being tortured for his secret identity? and what if this all happened due to the editors mandating you should die at the end of their massive event and the main batman writer at the time thinking you should get to have “a bit of happiness before he crushed you like a bug” (paraphrasing here but. “crushed like a bug” is a pull). what if the whole reason you were fired is because they didnt want to saddle bruce with more guilt in having another dead robin despite the hand he had in your death. and then what if the year after you died jason todd came back from the dead. but this only brings more attention to the fact that he got a memorial as robin and you didnt in canon writing and also from the editors and writers themselves. and then what if years later it was retconned that you faked your death to recover from your GRIEVOUS INJURIES so then writers wrote basically everyone being “betrayed” by you “faking” your death. and it cheapens everything about your death which was already a fucking misogyny hat trick. and all the emotional depth of your death is gone and you come back and only get to be batgirl because once again editorial is having problems and cant decide which of the previous batgirls should come back for the new run so you get thrown in as the noncontroversial pick. and what if after this run ends youre doomed to be written as quirky teen girl supporting cast member for like years up to literally present day in canon AND fanon and are almost always reduced to a girlfriend, a supportive friend for your exs endeavors in dating men, or the super put together girl to “get [x man]’s head out of his ass” for various men you have to play second string too. and what if you finally get a series with other women and even then are a Quirky Teenage Girl before anything else despite literally going to college over ten real life years ago and its taboo for literally anyone to talk about your death-not-death or your teen pregnancy or any of your various problems outside superheroics, which include but are not limited to: your mother being a recovering addict and you two trying to mend your family, your criminal father, your issues regarding your relationship to family as an ideal, and mothers and fathers, in differing ways because of these things, the fact that you are an underdog amongst underdogs in the batfamily to the point where your relationships with all of them should be much more fraught than in canon, considering the shit theyve said to you, and dont get to have any real relationships to the superhero community outside of them, the fact that youre one of the few in the batfam to never be on a team. And of course, the fact that not only do the people in canon hate you but also a decent part of the writers, editors, and fans do too. and if they dont hate you you still are almost always portrayed as a caricature of yourself. even if you just look at how steph was treated next to jason irt their deaths, steph should EASILY advance in this damn competition.

3.) Literally tortured to death in a sexualized manner for shock value:

"There was some controversy in the fan community about both the character's death by torture and the fact that even though she served as Robin for a time, she received no monument or memorial in the Batcave during the years of her apparent death unlike the second Robin Jason Todd.[5]

Regarding the former issue, at the 2011 Auckland Writers and Readers Festival, the former Batgirl writer Dylan Horrocks said that the writers were told from the start that Spoiler would die in this crossover and she was made Robin "purely as a trick to play on the readers, that we would fool them into thinking that the big event [War Games] was that Stephanie Brown would become Robin". The decision was unpopular with both him and Nightwing writer Devin Grayson, and he felt "pleased and vindicated" over the eventual controversy.[6]

Stephanie Brown on the cover of Detective Comics #809 (2005). Art by Jock.

During a Q&A at a convention in March 2007, DC executive editor Dan DiDio responded to questions about the absence of a Stephanie tribute from the Batcave, saying that the official position of DC Comics is that "She was never really a Robin", despite on-panel claims to the contrary.[7] When Alfred Pennyworth asks if Batman's acceptance of Stephanie as Robin was conceived by him as only a temporary measure from the outset and constituted part of an effort to lure Tim back to the cape, Batman evades the question. However, when a dying Stephanie asks, "Was I ever really Robin?", Batman answers, "Of course you were."[8] However, her memorial has been present in different publications since the controversy arose.[9]"

Katma Tui

1.) Katma Tui had her head cut off by Carol Ferris (possessed by the Star Sapphire gem) simply to provoke Hal! She got killed to make mad Hal Jordan. She's been ignored and barely referenced for 30 something years, and whenever she is referenced, its only as John Stewart's dead wife, not as a completely capable gl. She's the worst treated Green Lantern character which is saying something given that gl comics are where the phrase "fridging" comes from. Just god there's so much misogyny in her story.

2.) Prior to her death Hal Jordan talked her out of her impending engagement even though he was planning on getting engaged to his girlfriend Carol Ferris.

She is kinda fridged cause her death focuses on the men that it affected, including her husband John Stewart. Especially Hal because it changed his dynamic and relationship with Carol.

She was later resurrected just to be killed again, by Hal this time. Was turned into a black lantern and then killed for the last time.

#polls #preliminary round #cw pregnancy

[lovesosweeet]

better left unsaid // cth

chapter twelve

in which orion has leukemia, and calum doesn't know.

calum hood x fem!oc

read other chapters

august 1, 2018 los angeles, california orion

My moms come up from San Diego for my first chemotherapy appointment. While I’m grateful that they’re here, I hate that they’re just another group of people who want me to tell Calum. Emelia is working today. She had offered to take the day off, but since my moms are here, I figured she should go to work.

“Honey, do you need us to take Duke while you’re getting treatment?” Mama asks.

I sigh, not wanting to think about yet another round of logistics. I feel like I’m having to rearrange my entire life because of the diagnosis and Cal being on tour. Granted, I don’t even know how much of my life is worth getting into order. Does it really matter if I take my classes if I’m going to be dead in a year or two? Taking care of Duke does matter, of course, but he’s not a very active dog and I want him here while I’m living alone temporarily.

“No, I can keep him here. He’s already got a lot of changes with Calum gone,” I tell her. She nods.

“Of course. Let us know if you change your mind, okay?”

I nod.

We get ready to leave, prepping a cold bottle of water for me to have, along with a box of crackers and a bottle of fruit punch Gatorade. In the pamphlet that Dr. Harris gave me about my chemotherapy drug, it mentioned that I’d likely be nauseous after receiving the IV of the essentially poisonous fluid. I don’t think that they’ll do much to remedy the discomfort, but I want to at least try to dispel the symptoms.

Mom and Mama insist that I also bring a sweatshirt in case I get cold, and I just do what they say. I am not in the mood to debate anything with them. I bring one of Cal’s to have a piece of him with me at the hospital. It’s not the same as having him there to support me, but it’s the closest I’ll get to it.

We drive the short distance to the hospital. My appointment is at 9:00, but they’d woken up super early to be able to pick me up and take me to the appointment. I got a text from Calum at 3 am when they landed in Tokyo and I’m so thankful he didn’t call like he’d promised. I would’ve woken up and I’m already exhausted as it is. The chemo is about to make it all worse.

I check in at the same desk that I’d come to before, but this time I don’t see Russell. A young, pretty blonde nurse calls me back instead and she explains that they’re doing more tests to provide a baseline while we track the chemo’s progress over the next few months. The tests include another blood draw, and they let me lay down, but this time I don’t pass out thankfully. Once the initial dizziness wears off, we walk down the hallway into another room, but this one is far larger.

There are several sterile-looking arm chairs, some of which have patients sitting in them already, an IV hooked up to them. I am sad when I see the youngest patient is a boy who can’t be more than 9, bald, hooked up to the chemo transfusion, and reading a Magic Treehouse book. He's so young and he's already received a death sentence: a cancer diagnosis.

The blonde nurse directs me to my own chair, which has a table next to it that has a “WELCOME, ORION” sign and a bottle of apple juice and a pack of cookies. Wow, way to make a girl feel special while she's dying.

I take a seat in my chair, and my moms stay right in front of me, even though they have chairs available for guests very much available. Maybe I get it from them — the inability to accept help. I can't imagine that they'll stand there the whole time. We're supposed to be here pretty much all day.

Another nurse comes over with a cart of medical supplies. She's older, around my moms' age, and she greets us with a 'good morning' that I just ignore. It's not a good morning.

"Let's get you started. Any questions?" She's already grabbing my arm and wiping it with a disinfecting cloth, prepping it for an IV. The thought of an IV gives me chills, so I try not to stare as she puts it in and then hooks me up to the drip of the chemotherapy drug. I don't want to think about it.

"No questions," I tell the nurse.

She smiles at me and hands me a remote. "Press this if you have any issues. I'll be back in a moment to check on you."

I try to look anywhere except for the bend in my arm where she just inserted my IV. Mom opens her mouth to say something right as my phone starts to ring. It's Calum.

"Hello?" I answer instantly. I've been waiting to hear his voice. I know it's some ungodly early hour in Tokyo, but I'm sure he's got a completely messed up sleep schedule right now, and that won't be changing for a few weeks until they're consistently in the same time zone for a few days.

"Hi baby," Cal's tired voice comes through my speaker.

"How was the flight?"

My moms mouth to me that they're going to go grab coffee and I nod, appreciating the chance to talk to Cal without them eavesdropping.

"Long and boring. Ash kept snoring for most of it." He sounds so tired. I've never understood how they could tour like they do. The different time zones, constant busy-ness, late nights... it's exhausting.

"I'm sorry."

Cal laughs. "Don't be sorry, you had absolutely nothing to do with it. How are you? What are you doing today?"

My breath catches in my throat. I have to lie again. My stomach sinks and I feel guilty all over again, but I don't have time to dwell on that. I have to tell him something. "My moms are here. Probably just gonna take a short hike and get some food, maybe go to a museum."

I feel like I can hear him frown. "I wish they'd come before I left! I've not seen them in forever. Let them know I say hi?"

I nod even though he can't see me. "Yeah, of course. I'm sorry I didn't think to invite them up to see us before. My brain has kinda been mush lately."

"I know, it's okay. I'm excited to spend Thanksgiving with them again, though," he says. Last year we did Thanksgiving with my family and Christmas with his, since Thanksgiving isn't exactly a thing in Australia. We were talking about hosting his parents and Mali here in LA this year, but we hadn't finalized that yet.

"Yeah, that'll be good."

"Hey," Calum says, which makes me laugh. Why is he greeting me again in the middle of our conversation?

"Hey?" I reply, asking it as a question.

"We're one day closer to me coming home."

I smile at the prospect of having him back home and by my side. "Yeah, what is it? A couple of months ‘til you're in San Diego?" I think I'll still be getting treatment, and I'm not sure if I'll be able to cover my tracks with him being so close to home, but I try to focus on getting through things the way they are right now. He will be home for good in November. I can make it to November.

"Yep, two months. It's October 2nd. Oh! Maybe your whole family can come to the show! Would your moms let Eri come even if it's a school night?" His mention of bringing my brother to the show is cute. My little brother absolutely adores Calum. Actually, my entire family is obsessed with him, and I don't blame them.

"Maybe, I'll have to ask." I know for a fact that they would let Eri come to a show, regardless of date or time, but I'm leery to make any kind of promises at this point.

“Just let me know, I’ll put whoever on the list.”

“Yeah, for sure. How’s Japan? How’s everyone else? I wanna hear all about it.”

Cal then dives into the rundown of their arrival to Japan and going through customs, meeting fans at the airport and finally getting to the hotel. He said Matt is already tired of them, but, to be fair, Matt was tired of them after two days of rehearsals. Ash said that Kay’s grandma is back at home, so I won’t be running into her at the hospital. It hasn’t been a full day since they left but I feel like so much has happened. Hooked up to this IV, my cancer feels so much more real.

“I’m getting sleepy again, so I can let you go. Just wanted to hear your voice.” He yawns and I can only imagine how tired he looks. I'm tired too.

“Of course,” I say. “Sweet dreams. I love you.”

“I love you too. I’ll text you when I wake up again.”

We hang up — I’m not sure which one of us does it first or if we do it at the same time, but it seems like the silence comes instantly. The moment my phone goes quiet, I realize just how freezing I am. I remember the sweatshirt my moms made me bring and pull it out of. my tote bag that's on the floor, just as the two sympathetically smiling faces appear in front of me again.

They're carrying Starbucks cups from the food court, a third one in their hands that I presume is for me.

"We got you some mint tea — it's supposed to be great for nausea," Mama says, handing me the hot cup.

"Thank you," I say, wrapping my freezing fingers around the warmth of the tea.

"How's Calum? He's in Japan first, right?" Mom asks. She ignores the chair that's next to me that she could sit in, instead choosing to squat in front of me with her iced coffee in hand.

I nod and take a sip of my tea. I've always loved mint tea. Cal and I seemed to have a cup almost every night for the first few months of us living together. "Yeah, Japan. He's tired, but he'll be tired for a while."

Mom sets a hand on my knee. "So will you." She's right. I'm about to be drained and exhausted and sick and miserable. She smiles sadly at me.

Just like the drip in my IV, the next few hours go incredibly slowly. I'm so cold the entire time, the staff have to bring me a blanket, and I note mentally to bring one with me next week. My moms were prepared and both brought books to read, one of which they end up giving to me. Scrolling on my phone got old quickly, but I found some photos of Cal and the boys arriving in Japan and enjoyed that.

Once I'm done with my first full bag of the chemo drug, we get to leave. Walking out of the hospital and back into the sunshine is jarring, and I'm still cold, even though it's still very warm outside. My moms drive me back home, but once I'm back in the apartment, they have to leave to drive back to San Diego so they can have dinner with my brother. He'd been at a friend's house all day while they were here.

They offer to order me a pizza or something for dinner, but Emelia and I are planning on hanging out tonight. I know I won't feel well, but Em just wants to be there for me in case I need anything. She'll probably stay the night, too. It won't be as comforting as having Calum, but I will gladly take the company.

A few hours pass while I'm alone, and the nausea sets in quickly. I text Emi and ask her to bring food, even though the thought of eating makes me feel worse. I know I need to eat. I don't specify what she should bring, because nothing sounds good. She just says she'll be here in thirty minutes.

I text Calum in the meantime.

To: bass boy 💕 hi my love hope you're getting some beauty sleep i know i said don't bring me anything but actually can you bring me some kind of Japanese snacks pls i will love you forever and ever and ever i mean i'll do that anyway but i do want some snacks ignore me til you're awake was just thinking and thought of it and wanted to ask hehe oh and i know it's not til the v end but can you pretty pretty pretty please buy me chocolate special k in europe i will remind you dw

I think I've successfully pretended things are normal, and I do desperately miss the Special K in Europe.

A knock on the door is timed perfectly with the end of my texting spree, and I know it's Emelia, hopefully with food.

"It's open!" I yell out, not wanting to move from my comfy spot on the couch.

I hear the door opening and closing, followed by some echoed footsteps, and then Emelia is standing in the living room. She has on her work clothes — black leggings and t-shirt, nonslip shoes on her feet. She's not wearing the hat that they make her wear anymore, but her hair is still up in a messy ponytail.

"Hi, how ya feelin'?" She asks. She also holds up the bag of food she brought. It's the ramen from the place that's pretty close to here that I love.

"Pretty shitty, but I know it's only going to get worse."

Em frowns. "Well, have no fear. I brought ramen, and we can watch Girl Meets World all night."

My jaw drops. Everyone in my life knows how much I love Girl Meets World but judges me for liking a kids' show so much, so no one ever watches it with me. She really is such a good friend, willingly watching something that she knows will make me feel better.

"I love you," I tell her.

Then, she smiles, takes off her shoes, and puts the food on the coffee table, disappearing for a minute. When she comes back, she has glasses of water, napkins, and silverware. Emelia plops onto the couch next to me and takes the ramen out of the bag, setting it up for us.

"I got the curry and the mushroom," she explains. "I wasn't sure which you'd want today. I'm fine with whatever you don't want."

Both are normally delicious, but neither sounds appealing right now. The mushroom broth is lighter, so I go with that, thinking if nothing else, I can just sip the broth.

After a few hours of watching TV and pretending to eat my ramen, I suddenly feel Emelia's eyes on me. She's got a thoughtful look on her face, and I don't know what it is.

"What's wrong?"

She shakes her head. "Sorry, was just thinking. Do you know if you're going to lose your hair?"

I gulp. I'd looked into it. It depends largely on which form of chemo you're on, but also, it comes down to luck. "The drug I'm on is one that doesn't usually cause it, but there's still a chance I might."

Emelia nods, thinking. "Do you want to get a wig? Just in case."

I'd thought about it, but wigs that actually look nice are very expensive. Medical bills are already racking up, and my moms are going to help me, but it's a lot. "No, I think I'll just cross that bridge if I get to it."

"Do you want to cut your hair?"

It's relevant, but it catches me by surprise. I hadn't thought about that. I might lose my hair, but I've had long hair for so long. I've not cut it much shorter in so long. I'm also... dying. Why do I need to have long hair until I die? Why can't I change it up?

Isn't that what life is all about? Doing fun things?

I turn to her. "Let's do it."

I stand up and head straight for the kitchen, grabbing scissors from our junk drawer. I then go into the bathroom, switching on the lights. Emelia joins me soon after I start tying my hair into four sections, aligning the elastics at the same level, halfway between my chin and my shoulders.

Emelia doesn't say anything, she just smiles at me through the mirror and watches while I begin to saw off my hair. I don't know why I'm making such a sudden, big decision, but I've chopped a full ponytail off already, so there's no going back. Leave it to leukemia to stop me from overthinking every piece of my life.

Once I've cut off all the length, I take off the elastics holding everything together and have Emelia help me even everything out. It's not perfect, but if I'm about to lose it, it doesn't matter. If I don't lose it, I'll go see a hairdresser to fix it.

"OK, let me take a picture and then I need to go lay back down.

I take a mirror selfie, covering my face with my phone, just showing the lack of hair cascading over my green sweatshirt. I send it to Cal while I trudge back to the couch, flopping face-first onto the mountain of throw pillows and blankets.

"Want some Tums? Or Pepto?" Em asks.

"No," I groan. Why did cutting my hair suck all of the energy out of me?

"You okay?"

"No."

Em chuckles, and I feel the couch sink slightly as she sits next to me. "Can I get you anything?"

"A new body?"

She snorts. "Can't do that, sorry."

I let out a pained sigh, turning my head so it's not face down on the fuzzy blanket. "Thank you for being here."

"You have to stop thanking me. I know you'd be the first person holding my hand and bringing me food if it was me."

She's right. I'd probably let her move into our place so I could take care of her as much as she'd let me. I don't think she'd take me up on the offer to move in, but there'd undoubtedly be an offer. I'd do anything for her.

"I think I'm gonna sleep," I announce. My phone buzzes several times in my pocket. Hoping it's Calum, I pull it out.

From: bass boy 💕 UM EXCUSE ME MADAM YOU CANNOT JUST SPRING THIS ON ME IT LOOKS SO GOOD GOOD MF MORNING TO ME MY GIRLFRIEND IS A GODDESS can't wait to see it in person <3 and 1000% will get you snacks and special k anything for you

read next chapter

a/n: hi hi hi sorry sorry it's been a lil bit have been slowly working on this chapter :)

#5sos #5 seconds of summer #luke hemmings #calum hood #ashton irwin #fanfiction #fanfic #5sosfam #5sos fanfic #calum imagine #calum x fem!oc #calum x oc

[banana789]

Choni x reader. Pranks

Pov - You decided to get revenge on Cheryl and Toni

You were fuming.

Lately Cheryl and Toni had been pulling loads of pranks on you. They thought it was absolutely hilarious when they would leave rubber snakes all over the house to scare you. Or when they filled your room full of balloons. They weren't exactly smart pranks but they enjoyed it.

However don't me wrong it was the usual deal. They could prank you. But if anyone else did they would regret it milliseconds later.

For example last weekend You, Cheryl, Toni, Betty and Jughead were all in Jugheads trailer to binge watch stranger things. Cheryl and Toni had popped out to pick up more snacks after you'd fallen asleep on Cheryl halfway through the last episode. You were wrapped up lying on the sofa. But Jughead decided it would be funny to put some whipped cream on your hand and tickle your nose, leading you to smack yourself in the face and become covered. Waking yourself up. Unfortunately for him Cheryl and Toni also walked in at this moment. Let's just say it did not end well for him.

Like he now has a black eye.

So anyway Cheryl and Toni love playing pranks on you. They find it adorable when you get scared or annoyed at them. You were currently giving them the silent treatment after they'd made you believe that your house was haunted. Long story.

You walked down the stairs to be greeted with Cheryl and Toni making breakfast. They both smiled at you.

"Hey Cutie, want some pancakes?"Cheryl asked. Offering you a plate.

However instead of taking it you simply looks straight ahead of you and walked towards the cereal. Trying to stay stubborn with the delicious smell of the pancakes.

"Oh so we're still doing the silent treatment?" Toni chuckled for her seat at the table.

You ignored her and went to go sit on the other end of the table.

"Ok ignore us that's fine, we'll just eat all of these pancakes on our own... And this bacon." Cheryl sang waving the plate in front of you. Bending down and tickling your ear with her breath.

"Ugh look we're sorry" She said standing up and sitting opposite you at the table. Toni having now moved to sit next you.

"I still can't believe you don't have milk with your cereal, Weirdo." Toni said ruffling your hair as she sat down.

"Toni we're trying to get her to like us again stop bullying her." Cheryl scolded.

"Oh please she loves us. But seriously nerd you give us the silent treatment any longer and I will stuff you in a locker." Toni said glaring at you.

You stared back and were locked into a staring contest giving toni giving her a tough look. A few seconds later she crumbled.

"Omg are you actually mad we're so sorry we love you so much. I sware to god you better talk to us we can't last without you." Toni said pouting, grabbing you shoulders.

As hard as you tried you couldn't fight the smile that took over your face. You pushed Toni off and looked away.

"Haha did you see that she loves usss" Toni laughed squeezing you from behind . Cheryl walking round the table to join in.

"Come on lets go watch a movie" said Cheryl .

"No way I'm still mad at you guys"You said crossing your arms.

"We'll watch a marvel movie?" Cheryl tried.

You still shook you head with a pout.

Cheryl just nodded at Toni then walked into the living room as Toni dragged your chair out from under the table then lifted you over her shoulder amd carried you into the living room. Despite your best efforts to escape which were met by a swift slap on the ass and a giggle from Toni.

She placed you down next to Cheryl and sat next to you Cheryl pulling a blanket over you all as you sat there plotting how to get revenge.

The next day

Soooo you has finally gotten revenge on Cheryl and Toni .

But accidently.

The point had been to get revenge on Toni first. You had put green hair dye in  Tonis conditioner. (Comes out in one wash your not that mean) but what you hadn't expected was for Cheryl to be showering with Toni .

Not sure why I didn't see that coming.

Anyway as you can probably tell Cheryl takes pride in her hair. And she was not fond of the green streaks. Toni was definitely not happy either . Pink and bright green did not go well on her.

Anyway so after you had swapped the conditioner you ran to your room and pushed your desk in front of the door as you heard the shower turning on, laughing to yourself.

However ten minutes later you heard a scream.

"Y/NNNNNNNNN!!!" but it wasn't Toni.

It was Cheryl.

You gulped as everything went silent for a few minutes before you heard pounding on your door.

"Y/n"

Huh they sounded surprisingly calm.

"Yes?"I answered

"Open the door" Cheryl requested calmly.

"Whyyy?" I asked.

"BECAUSE YOU DIED OUR HAIR GREEN" Cheryl screamed through the door.

"What no I didn't" you yelled back.

"Then who did? " Toni asked pushing on the door . The desk starting to move as I crawled under my bed.

"Ummmm Archie ? " I suggested wincing as the door was pushed open.

Everything went quiet as you listened for footsteps.

Suddenly you felt two hand wrap around your ankles and pull you out from under the bed. You looked up and gave them a cute smile and puppy dog eyes. Trying not to laugh when you noticed their green hair .

But they on the other hand did not look happy.

They both glared down at you with there arms crossed.

"So babe, what shall we do to the little nerd." Toni said tilting her head with an evil smile.

"Hmmm I don't know TT. We could die her hair like she died ours."Cheryl suggested.

"Yep or we could tickle her for an hour" Toni suggested.

"Orrrr burn her books." Cheryl suggested.  You gulped as there was a moment of silence before a friendlier smile came over there faces.

"Buttt were not gonna do any of that" Toni laughed as she grabbed your hands and helped you up.

"What? Your not gonna kill me?" You asked confused.

"No babe you were getting revenge for our pranks were proud of you" Cheryl said hugging you from behind and kissing your cheek making you squirm.

"What no you should be mad not proud." You said frustrated.

"Oh really haha cos if anyone else that wasn't you did that I would have killed them. " Toni said raising they're eyebrows.

"You would never kill meee " You laughed. Walking up to Toni and hugging her.Resting your head on her chest.

"The reason we kept praying you was because we wanted to make sure you would stand up for yourself eventually" Cheryl explained joining the hug.

"And because your angry face is really cute" Toni laughed ruffling your hair.

Two weeks later.

"I still dont believe you pranked Cheryl and Toni." Veronica insisted as you Cheryl Toni and Betty were having a girls day at thistlehouse.

"Yh no way your too innocent" Betty agreed. You three were sat in the living room while Cheryl and Toni were in the kitchen getting snacks.

"Oh yh fine then I'll mess with them now" You said smiling.

"Hey Toni, Cheryl could I habe some water please?"

The moving around in the kitchen stopped as they both froze. Suddenly they both ran in, Toni holding a bottle of water. She slowly passed it to you as they both looked down at you.

"Thank you Toni" You smiled as you took a sip.

They gave you a weird look before slowly retreating back to the kitchen.

"What the hell was that?" Veronica asked.

You smiled as you got up and eld them towards the kitchen. Pointing towards Cheryl amd Toni who were frantically running round the kitchen, rifling through the cupboards and looking throught the calender trying to see if they'd forgotten anything.

"I only ever call them by their first names when I'm mad"  You giggled causing Veronica and Betty to laugh. The sound of laughing case Cheryl and Toni to look up and catch onto the situation . Chasing you Betty and Veronica to gulp before quickly running out of the room.

Out of the house in fact. Trying to get to Veronicas car with two pissed of serpents on their tail.

[the-firebird69]

This too is drawing attention did the morlock don't want and Trump wants to blame the clans for Giants attacks just like you did on Mars but he kind of forced them into it and that's what he says he does and but this particular decision there's not necessarily binding first off it hasn't been proven that they violated the 14th amendment in court so it's moot they might as well be talking to themselves in the mirror it has absolutely no weight because they said in court it hasn't been decided yet so we don't know why you're here it was decided by a lower court they said the higher Court can't accept that and they put it in writing and because it is a matter of the entire nation and people agree with it and we do. And Tommy favino is going to be up he says to kick the bum out and it looks like he has a hard time doing it and he's trying to weaken them and he ends up killing the head guy and a ton of the other head guys and goes after him and the Trump legacy falls it is coming up shortly we think it's this month

-we do have a limited time and we are taking a lot of it talking about this idiot next door but as soon as under duress and people want to distract us using him the guy next door and he is a horrible person to him and we need to take it attention to it but we also need to do our project we have until the 15th and that's two weeks and roughly the 14th where surface activities have to be completed we are now going to try and do additional work and move in on the ground and try and get there and to prep things and everybody knows what that means and we had difficulty and very very difficult time there's a lot of factors to it and this one main factor that prevented a lot of stuff from happening and we went into high gear to try and get it done and we did some of it and a lot of small stuff but small stuff for Earth's consideration should be effective enough and we're going into phase two of this particular round and in a couple days and we're requesting our sign on for this duty as soon as they can we do have transitional programs to transition you and your entire family and clan into the military and your jobs will not disappear at all and you will have better jobs and it will assist us and we are going to beef up are interplanetary defense system and we are going to make it very big and start building a lot more things like ships of ours

To always say thank you this is finally happening this bum deserves this treatment and why we say that is he looks like he's getting away with it thanks he is and has no bearing on anything and it's a waste of time to run this through Court and they're going to find out that it is his people that did it and that the answer was handed to him by our son daughter and others here who said you're wasting everyone's time and they're going to know it and they do know it and they're going to fry him up for it

Thor Freya

What an important a****** you are Trump you're just a child and you're an idiot child and you're demented for someone who's retarded and we need to get rid of you and we have plans to. We're going to protect our friend here by stopping you and using force all day and all night until you're dead

Mac daddy

I thought so so I'm going to use it on you and I didn't start bothering him more and he says we're going to start killing you more having you killed I'm sorry you don't understand that he says ever anything said I'm better off with a bullet in my head I feel good like I'm ducking you're happy to provide plenty of them and it says it like that and I guess I don't get it I'm not really supposed to fully absorb it so I'm going to sit here Stewie but who cares he says we're going to get you I do understand something I pissed a lot of people off and they don't care why they don't care what it's for and they're going after me so I don't care and he says we don't care about that kind of s*** it happens every day everywhere and people actually blow themselves up they don't sit around blabbing like assholes. And I guess I get it so he's going to put an order on me right now he says and I won't believe it I'll be dead and won't believe it it'll be explained to me and I won't believe it and he doesn't want me to believe it he wants me to shut the f****** and get away from him but I'm going to make it worse I said

Trump

Good luck with that you little f**** no coming after you today right now informing up I'm going to clear out your assholes and kill them off and kill your family members and such a joy to see one of your daughters fall to her death and yeah we saw her hit the rocks and she's gone and we saw who did it and you do nothing cuz you're a f**** and they're taking you down and it's bja

Mac daddy

She's an important figurehead and she shouldn't be made fun of but I guess we're horrible and Trump is saying all such a s*** all the time we can't stop him he says go away or your next and I get that people are going to use it against me it's not being made fun of his ass it's an example of why you don't do what you're doing and I didn't look at Trump and see if you could get out of there you're ruining it who cares why you're doing it you just won't stop

Alicia

We don't have a choice to do stuff but really we didn't see it was him and we are doing things and we're going to navigate activate Giants and go after him

Trump

I see you so I have to go after them that's why I say FU to you Trump you loser and they're going after us too cuz we suck

Bja

I've never heard somebody go after someone so effectively is not true you people are bunch of bums you're going after each other you're ruining us you're all going to die anyways I have to take stuff I need and who gives a s***

Sarah

We don't belong here we should have moved but we didn't now they're telling us to move they're going to move the clones out anything you don't defeat them and it probably won't and we're going to get cleaned out and stuff

Trump

Hey just hang on there you freaking psycho f**** what a homo I mean I told you get off me I have a huge army in force and you should be concerned about everybody else but you are how wonderful you think the pseudo empire will be defeated but then the clothes of defeat you checkmate

Zues Hera

The others will come in and block them and like Max who are taking me to court and the foreigners who are taking me to court and annihilating us and other groups that are killing us off we're going to come in and help me

Trump

Olympus

[pensionplanningservice]

Pension Transfers, Pensions, Personal Pensions, Private Pensions & Release Tax FREE Lump Sums Explained!

 Navigating the seas of pension terminology can often feel like captaining a ship through a storm without a compass. But anchors aweigh, dear reader! We're here to bring some clarity to these waters, and hopefully, share a few chuckles along the way. Buckle up, sailor!

Pension Transfer: A Change of Financial Address

Think of a Pension Transfer as moving house. Instead of moving furniture, you're shifting your pension from one scheme to another. Reasons can vary, from better benefits to more investment options. Just make sure you notify your pension's "mailman" about the change, so your financial post doesn't get lost!

Pensions: The Golden Goose's Nest Egg

At the heart of retirement planning lies Pensions. Simply put, these are pots of money saved up for retirement. If life were a fairy tale, pensions would be your golden goose, dutifully laying eggs for your future. Remember: you don't have to be Jack to climb the beanstalk of financial security, but having a pension surely helps.

Personal Pension: DIY Retirement

When you're the chef of your retirement dish, you get to pick the ingredients and the recipe. A Personal Pension lets you do just that. It's a pension scheme you arrange yourself, independent of employers. It's the home-cooked meal of pensions – tailored to your tastes and often more satisfying.

Private Pension: The Premium Lounge of Retirement Plans

Ever wanted VIP treatment? Enter the world of Private Pensions. These are set up by financial institutions, offering you potentially swanky benefits, exclusive investment opportunities, and sometimes, a cushionier retirement experience. Imagine the difference between economy and first-class flying. Both get you to your destination, but one does it with a bit more flair!

Release Tax FREE Lump Sum: The Retirement Bonus Round

Imagine playing a video game and suddenly unlocking a surprise bonus round. That’s what the Release Tax FREE Lump Sum feels like. It's the opportunity to take a portion of your pension pot tax-free when you reach a certain age. It's the financial equivalent of finding a hidden treasure chest in your backyard!

Sailing Smoothly to Your Retirement Harbour

Alright, shipmate! Now that we've braved the stormy seas of pension lingo, the horizon looks a lot clearer, doesn't it?

To recap:

Pension Transfer is like changing your money's home, ensuring it's in the best neighbourhood.

The world of Pensions provides the foundation for your retirement castle.

With Personal Pensions, you're the architect and builder of your retirement dream house.

A Private Pension is like getting the penthouse view, offering some swankier options for your retirement stay.

And lastly, the Release Tax FREE Lump Sum? It's the jackpot at the end of the game!

So, the next time pensions feel like a tangled knot of confusion, just remember our little sea voyage together. And if anyone tries to bamboozle you with pension terms, just give them a sly grin and say, "Ahoy, I've charted those waters!"

Wishing you smooth sailing towards a retirement filled with sunny skies and golden sunsets! 

If you would like a Free Pension Consultation to check the health of your Pension, then click on this link here

[peterrparrkerr]

Hit mad falls in love with target - read on ao3

*-*

Peter waved frantically at Tony when he walked into the lab, eyes glued to a computer screen.

"Tony, quick! Look!" He demanded, nearly vibrating in his chair.

Tony made his way over, hands clasped behind his back as he leaned over Peter's shoulder.

"Isn't it awesome?" The young man asked, waving his hands around.

"What am I looking at?" Tony asked.

"Its cancer," Peter said. He points to different colored lines in the graph, all jagged and fluctuating. "This is breast cancer, and this one is pancreatic, skin, lung."

Tony hums as Peter continues to list each colored line as a different form of cancer.

"I was able to isolate the individual cells from everything else, and- look, look!"

Peter snatches Tony by the shirt sleeve and tugs him from one monitor to the one on the other side of the lab. He taps his fingers on the screen, bouncing on his heels.

"These are the cells after being treated with non-radioactive therapy," Peter said, looking up at Tony. "The number of cancer cells is cut in half within a week!"

Peter then drags Tony across the lab again, babbling excitedly as he does so. "Do you know what this means? This means we can start human testing! And we can market the treatment for practically nothing!"

He shows Tony a live feed of the treatment in action from a TV monitor.

"Think about the possibilities," Peter grinned. "Anyone can get treated, no matter their financial standing. And the treatment isn't as harmful as chemo or radiation. It doesn't attack the body as a whole, it isolates the cancer cells and leaves the rest of the body alone.

"No more hair loss or side effects. And we could cut remission in half too," Peter said. "Just think, this time next year, we could start selling to hospitals all over the world."

Tony smiles down at the younger man. He had known within the first day of meeting Peter that he wouldn't be able to follow through. He's glad he hadn't.

"Have you told anybody else?" He asks casually.

"Ned knows," Peter said. "And Bruce, but they were here when it happened."

"Where are they now?"

Peter gives Tony a wry smile, still too excited about his treatment working.

"I sent them home a couple hours ago," he said. "We've all been awake for almost three days, so I'm sure they've gone to bed already."

"You should be in bed too, don't you think?" Tony asked, raising an eyebrow.

Peter waves him off, shaking his head as he goes to his work desk. "I'll sleep later," he said, pulling his lab coat off and draping it over the chair.

He's dressed in his usual outfit; comfortable pants and a button up.

"Plus, I knew you'd make your rounds around this time, and I wanted to tell you," Peter said with a grin, grabbing his personal items.

That was part of Tony's cover. A janitor for the building Peter worked for. Hes wearing a navy blue jump suit, though he's left the cart out in the hallway.

"I'll walk you to your car," Tony hums, leading the way out. When he'd first started this, he'd offered his company to get closer to Peter -to find his vulnerabilities.

Now though, he does it because he's protecting the young scientist.

He'd skipped out with 45 thousand dollars paid to kill the boy, but as the days had gone on, and Peter had grown comfortable with him, Tony realized he couldn't steal him from the world.

Peter was incredible. He worked tirelessly to find a cure for cancer. He's already created a new insulin for diabetes that he's made available to everyone for only $10 a month -something not many other medical professionals liked.

Peter was making enemies left and right, and Tony decided to make it his job to keep him breathing. If not for the rest of his life, then for as long as it takes for the young scientist to see an end to cancer.

The boy wasn't getting much in terms of money for his creations. In fact, from what Tony's come to learn, the boy doesn't own a car, and rents an apartment with his aunt. 

He sees enough to live paycheck to paycheck and this new treatment won't do much to better his life, but he's not concerned with money. He wants to make Healthcare more effective and affordable.

Tony's got morals. Enough of them to know when a hit is a bad investment. That didn't stop him from taking his payment anyway.

The two make it to the car park. Its dark, the overhead lights buzzing annoyingly. Its empty, save for a couple cars belonging to a few of the security guards, and the car Peter shares with his aunt.

It's an older model, grey paint chipping and metal beneath rusting near the wheels. Peter talks animatedly beside him, lands flailing in front of him.

Tony glances around them, scowling as he takes in the familiar cement structure.

"Wait," Tony says, just as Peter's pulling the keys from his pocket. They're a couple feet away from the car, and the hairs on Tony's arms and neck stand on end.

"What is it?" Peter asked curiously, reaching for the door handle.

It's just as Peter grips the handle that Tony sees the wire connected to the metal lock on the other side of the glass.

Tony is quick to react, grabbing Peter by the arms and wrenching him away from the door.

Peter yelps in surprise, but its cut out by the sound of a small explosion. Tony braces for the blast of air that knocks the two off their feet, and grits his teeth at the heat that follows.

Peter's pressed against the cement, Tony weighing down on him. His ears ring, but he quickly gets to his feet, unzipping his jumpsuit and grabbing the .9 mm from the waistband of his jeans.

The car is ablaze, crackle-popping and sizzling. Its just the cab thats on fire, but Tony knows its only a matter of seconds before the flames reach the engine and the fuel line.

Tony looks around him, trying to find the culprit -though he knows from experience that the man won't be here.

He grabs Peter by the armpits and pulls him to his feet. Blood smears against his forehead and jaw. His hands and arms are scraped up and Tony can tell his knees are busted too, but it doesn't look like anything damaging.

"We gotta go," Tony urges, already half dragging the younger back towards the building.

"You-you have a gun," Peter gapes, stumbling after Tony, arm in the older's hard grip. "Why do you have a gun?"

Tony reaches the door for the stairwell.

"I'm a hired gun," Tony said, glancing up, then down, gun following his eyeline before pushing Peter towards the stairs going up.

"I thought you were a janitor," Peter gasped, climbing the stairs and swaying. Tony places his free hand on Peter's lower back.

"Thats just a front," Tony confessed. "We got to get you out of here."

"Someone blew up my car," Peter said, panting as they continue up to the first floor. "Aunt May is gonna kill me."

"Not if Buck doesn't kill you first," Tony grunted, pulling Peter out of the stairwell and into the main lobby.

Tony's car is around the side of the building, but its open to attack. Tony can't keep Peter trapped inside the building though, so he risks it.

Their feet slap loudly on the asphalt as they run for the nondescript black SUV Tony had taken to driving.

He checks around the vehicle, under and inside before issuing Peter into the back seat.

Tires screech as Tony peels out of the parking lot.

"What- whats happening? Tony, what- why do-"

"Someones trying to kill you, Peter," Tony said, blowing past the guard tower at the exit of the parking lot.

"But why?" Peter asked dumbly, voice slurring slightly as more blood turns the side of his face crimson.

"I'll answer all your questions when we're safe," Tony promised, eyes frantically shifting from the area ahead of him to the rear view mirror.

Peter must really be feeling the effects of his head slamming into the concrete, because he doesn't protest.

"Lay down," Tony orders, merging into traffic and slowing down. "Lay low until I say."

Peter does -Tony thinks mostly because of his head injury. Tony relaxes a little, knowing the scientist won't be gunned down in the back seat.

"Where are you taking me?"

"Somewhere safe," Tony answered, keeping an eye behind him.

He doesn't see a tail, but he takes a round-about way to his safe house, just outside of Queens.

When they get to the small cabin, Tony checks the building before helping Peter inside.

"I think I have a concussion," Peter mumbles, swaying on his feet as Tony guides him to the kitchen chair.

"I don't doubt it," Tony agrees, setting his gun down on the table beside Peter's elbow before grabbing the first aid kit.

He pulls another chair over in front of the young scientist and opens the red box.

"Let me see your hands," Tony orders. Peter does, palms up. Tony begins to clean them and his arms.

"Tony," Peter says, breaking the silence. Tony doesn't say anything. He reaches up to clean the blood from the side of Peter's cheek.

"Is your name actually Tony?"

Tony makes eye contact before nodding.

"And you're a hired gun?" Peter asks, slightly breathless. "Like, like a hitman?"

"Yes," Tony answers, reaching the cut on Peter's hairline. Peter winces, but doesn't pull away.

"You kill people for a living?"

"Yes."

It takes Peter a couple seconds, but it seems to hit him. Hes bolting to his feet, the chair clattering behind him.

Tony leans back into the chair, watching as Peter begins to pace.

"What- Tony, you have to tell me whats going on," Peter demands, hand on his head. Tony knows from experience that pacing tends to help the scientist expell excess energy.

"I will," Tony nods. Peter continues his pacing. Back and forth beside the kitchen counter.

"Why- why are people trying to kill me?" He demanded. "Who blew up my car?"

Tony sets the paper towels down on the table, knowing Peter won't sit still for him to properly tend to him.

"The one who blew up your car is another hitman," Tony said. "Goes by the name Winter Soldier."

"You called him Buck," Peter said, pointing an accusatory finger at Tony, eyes narrowed.

"I did," Tony nodded. "Hitmen tend to run in the same circles, though we don't always like each other. Bucky was probably hired to finish the job."

"Finish the job," Peter repeated dumbly. "I'm the job?"

Tony nods, once more letting Peter process. He knew Peter would figure it out without Tony's help. He was smart.

"Finish the job means someone already tried to- to kill me," Peter said, panting as he continued to pace. The wound at his hairline is bleeding sluggishly, dripping down his temple and towards his jaw.

Peter wipes at it without thought, smearing blood against his cheek. He pauses to look down at his hand, fingers glistening in red.

He touches his forehead again, as if remembering he's still injured, then turns to Tony, accusation and fear in his Bambi brown eyes.

"You," he said softly, in disbelief. "You were hired to kill me, weren't you."

"I was," Tony nodded.

"But you haven't," Peter said. Tony can practically see the gears turning behind his eyes. "And, and now whoever hired you hired the Winter Soldier."

Tony only nods. Peter takes a shuddering inhale and has to grip the counter with a bloody hand to stabilize himself.

"I'm- I'm- who- who would want to-to kill me?!"

"The payment was anonymous," Tony said. "Thats how it works. But whoever it is is threatened by you."

Peter looks at Tony incredulously. "Me? Why me? I'm the least threatening person -like- ever!"

"You've cost Big Pharma millions with your insulin," Tony said. "You've patented it, so they can't take it and upcharge the way they've been doing. And if your treatment for cancer is a success, you'd be costing them even more."

Peter takes a moment to process that before he nods. "Right, yeah. I knew I was going to make a lot of people mad about that, but. But I never expected anyone to actually try to kill me."

"Money is a powerful motive," Tony said, a little too much experience leaking into his tone.

Peter hears it, because he stops his pacing, shoulders dropping. Exhaustion seems to pull him towards the floor like an anvil tied to his spine.

He sways a little, and Tony's about to offer him the chair again, but he moves to it willingly. When he sits, their knees are barely touching, and he blinks dazedly at his bloody hand.

Tony grabs a clean rag and leans forward to clean up the blood from Peter's head. The younger lets him, still processing and no doubt sluggish from the concussion.

"Why didn't you?" Peter asked after Tony had taped gauze to his hairline. It was patchy and poorly done, but it would help.

"Why didn't I what," Tony hummed, using an alcoholic wet wipe to clean the remaining blood from Peter's hands. The boy winces at the burn to his scraped palms.

"Kill me," he said, swallowing thickly. "You had plenty of opportunity."

Tony sighed, setting the wipes down before leaning forward and looking Peter in the eye.

"Because I believe in the work you're doing," he said honestly. "And I'm going to make sure you finish it."

Peter blinks once, twice, before breaking eye contact and sighing, body eating to melt into the chair as the air leaves his lungs.

"Come on," Tony said, standing up and slipping the gun into the waistband of his pants. Then offering his hand. "This place is safe. Theres a bed you can sleep in."

"I shouldn't sleep with a concussion," Peter said weakly, taking Tony's offered hand anyway.

"Its mild, I'm sure you'll be fine," Tony mused, heading deeper into the cabin to the bedroom.

The bedroom isn't anything special. A twin bed in the corner, a four drawer dresser and a blackout curtain.

Peter climbs onto the bed, not bothering with the covers or taking his shoes off. Tony thinks its best he sleep with them on anyway, in case Bucky finds them.

Tony moves to leave, grabbing the handle, and Peter bolts upright again, eyes wide.

"You're okay," Tony promises. "I'll be right outside."

Peter gives the barest shake of his head. "Stay here, please," he says softly.

Tony nods, shutting the door and turning off the light before making his way to the side of the bed. Theres an old step stool there, and he sits down at the head of the bed.

Peter lays back down, body too tense to ever fall asleep. Tony keeps his ears attuned to any noise that could alert him to Bucky, or anyone else, gun sitting perfectly stop on his knee, finger off the trigger, but ready at a moments notice.

"Tony?"

"Yes, Peter."

Peter shuffles around, and Tony turns his head just in time to feel pillow soft lips connect with the corner of his mouth.

He can't help but smirk as Peter settles back down. "Thanks for not killing me."

Tony chuckles at that, leaning his head against the wall. "I may be a hitman, but I've got morals," he says into the dark room. "Besides, nobody likes cancer."

Peter laughs tiredly at that before reaching his hand out and grabbing Tony's. Their fingers interlock, and Tony doesn't really know which one of them initiated it.

"You're going to be okay," Tony continued. "I wont let anyone hurt you. You're safe with me."

"I know."

#marvel #tony stark #peter parker #ironman #starker #spiderman #my writing #ao3 #sfsummerbingo21

[sk1fanfiction]

the many faces of tom riddle, part 4

-attachment, orphanages, and yet more child psych: time to add yet another voice to the void-

FULL DISCLAIMER THAT THIS IS JUST MY OPINION OF A CHARACTER WHO DOESN’T HAVE THE STRONGEST CANON CHARACTERIZATION, AND THUS ALL THIS IS BASED ON MY CONCEPTUALIZATION.

I'm going to be super biased, because my favorite portrayal of Tom Riddle is actually Hero Fiennes-Tiffin as eleven-year-old Tom Riddle, in HBP and I get to chat about child psych in this one, sooo here we go.

First of all, I’m just so impressed that a kid could bring that much depth to such a complex character.

This is the portrayal, I feel, that brings us closest to Tom’s character. Yes, Coulson’s brought us pretty close, but by fifth year, the mask was on.

We don't really get to see Tom looking afraid very often, but it's fear that rules his life, so it's really poignant in our first (chronologically) introduction, he looks absolutely terrified.

The void being the fandom's loud opinions on a certain headmaster. I wouldn't call myself pro-Dumbledore, but I'm certainly not anti-Dumbledore, either. (Agnostic-Dumbledore??)

Since I'm not of the anti-Dumbledore persuasion, I decided to poke around in the tags and see what the arguments were, so I don't make comments out of ignorance.

Most of the tag seems to be more directed towards his treatment of Harry and Sirius, but a few people mentioned that Dumbledore should have treated Tom with ‘exceptional kindness’ and tried to ‘rehabilitate’ him.

As I said in Parts 2 and 3, I am 100% in favor of helping a traumatized kid learn to cope, and I don’t think Tom Riddle was solidly on the Path to Evil (TM) at birth, or even at eleven. Not even at fifteen.

Could unconditional love and kindness have helped Tom Riddle enough for the rise of Lord Voldemort to never happen? Possibly, but...

Yes, I'm about to drag up that Carl Jung quote, again.

“I am not what happened to me, I am what I choose to become.”

The problem with this is that if you’re going to blame Dumbledore for this, you also have to blame every other adult in Tom’s life: his headmaster, Dippet, his Head of House, Slughorn, his ‘caretakers’ at the orphanage, Mrs. Cole and Martha, and possibly more. In fact, if we're going to blame any adult, let's blame Merope for r*ping and abusing Tom Riddle Senior, and having a kid she wasn't intending to take care of.

Furthermore, you cannot possibly hold anyone but Tom accountable for the murders he committed. (I should not have to sit here and explain why cold-blooded murder is wrong.) And if you like Tom Riddle's character, insinuating that his actions are completely at the whim of others is just a bit condescending towards him. He's not an automaton or a marionette, he's a very intelligent human being with a functioning brain, and at sixteen is fully capable of moral reasoning and critical analysis.

I've heard the theories about Dumbledore setting the Potters up to die, and I'm not going to discuss their validity right now; but he didn't put a wand in Tom's hand and force him to kill anyone. Tom did it all of his own accord.

And while yes, I have enormous sympathy for what happened to Tom as a child, at some point, he decided to murder Myrtle Warren, and that is where I lose my sympathy. Experiencing trauma does not give you the right to inflict harm on others. Yes, Tom was failed, but then, he spectacularly failed himself.

We also have no idea how Dumbledore treated Tom as a student.

In the movies, it’s Dumbledore who tells Tom he has to go back to the orphanage, but in the books, it’s Dippet. We know that Slughorn spent a lot of time around Tom at Slug Club and such, yet I don’t really see people clamoring for his head.

I regard the sentiment that Dumbledore turned Tom Riddle into Lord Voldemort with a lot of skepticism.

But let's hear from the character himself -- his impression of eleven-year-old Tom Riddle.

“Did I know that I had just met the most dangerous Dark wizard of all time?” said Dumbledore. “No, I had no idea that he was to grow up to be what he is. However, I was certainly intrigued by him. I returned to Hogwarts intending to keep an eye upon him, something I should have done in any case, given that he was alone and friendless, but which, already, I felt I ought to do for others’ sake as much as his."

Now, assuming that Dumbledore's telling the truth, I'm not seeing something glaringly wrong with this. No, he hasn't pigeonholed Tom as evil, yes, I'd be intrigued, too, and it's a very good idea to keep an eye on Tom, for his own sake.

“At Hogwarts,” Dumbledore went on, “we teach you not only to use magic, but to control it. You have — inadvertently, I am sure — been using your powers in a way that is neither taught nor tolerated at our school."

Again, it seems like he's at least somewhat sympathetic towards Tom, and is willing to at least give him a chance.

More evidence (again, assuming Dumbledore is a reliable narrator):

Harry: “Didn’t you tell them [the other professors], sir, what he’d been like when you met him at the orphanage?” Dumbledore: “No, I did not. Though he had shown no hint of remorse, it was possible that he felt sorry for how he had behaved before and was resolved to turn over a fresh leaf. I chose to give him that chance.”

Now, I think Dumbledore is pretty awful with kids, but I don't think that's malicious. Yeah, it's a flaw, but perfect people don't exist, and perfect characters are dead boring. I am not saying that he definitely handled Tom's case well, I'm just saying that there's little evidence that Dumbledore, however shaken and scandalized, wrote him off as 'evil snake boy.'

It's also worth taking into account that it's 1938, and the attitudes towards mental health back then.

Why is Tom looking at Dumbledore like that, anyway? Why is he so scared? What has he possibly been threatened with or heard whispers of?

"'Professor'?" repeated Riddle. He looked wary. "Is that like 'doctor'? What are you here for? Did she get you in to have a look at me?"

"I don't believe you," said Riddle. "She wants me looked at, doesn't she? Tell the truth!"

"You can't kid me! The asylum, that's where you're from, isn't it? 'Professor,' yes, of course -- well, I'm not going, see? That old cat's the one who should be in the asylum. I never did anything to little Amy Benson or Dennis Bishop, and you can ask them, they'll tell you!

Tom keeps insisting he's not mad until Dumbledore finally manages to calm him down.

I'm really upset this wasn't in the movie, because it's important context. Instead we got these throwaway cutscenes of some knick-knacks relating to the Cave he's got lying around, but I just would have preferred to see him freaking out like he does in the book.

There was extreme stigma and prejudice towards mental illness.

'Lunatic asylums,' as they were called in Tom's time, were terrible places. In the 1930s and 40s, he could look forward to being 'treated' with induced convulsions, via metrazol, insulin, electroshock, and malaria injections. And if he stuck around long enough, he could even look forward to a lobotomy!

So, if you think Dumbledore was judgmental towards Tom, imagine how flat-out prejudiced whatever doctors or 'experts' Mrs. Cole might have gotten in to 'look at him' must have been!

Moving on to the next few shots, he is sitting down and hunched over as if expecting punishment or at least some kind of bad news, Dumbledore is mostly out of the frame. He’s trapped visually, by Dumbledore on one side, and a wall on the other, because he’s still very much afraid. uncomfortable, as he tells Dumbledore a secret that he fears could get him committed to an asylum (which were fucking horrible places, as I said).

It brings to the scene that miserable sense of isolation and loneliness to that has defined Tom’s entire life up to that point (and, partially due to his own bad choices, continues to define it).

And, when Dumbledore accepts it, his posture changes. he becomes more confident and more at ease, as he describes the... utilities of his magical abilities. 

"All sorts," breathed Riddle. A flush of excitement was rising up his neck into his hollow cheeks; he looked fevered. "I can make things move without touching them. I can make animals do what I want them to do, without training them. I can make bad things happen to people who annoy me. I can make them hurt if I want to."

Riddle lifted his head. His face was transfigured: There was a wild happiness upon it, yet for some reason it did not make him better looking; on the contrary, his finely carved features seemed somehow rougher, his expression almost bestial.

I do think Harry, our narrator, is being a tad bit judgmental here. Magic is probably the only thing that brings Tom happiness in his grey, lonely world, and when I was Tom's age and being bullied, if I had magic powers, you'd better believe that I'd (a) be bloody ecstatic about it (b) use them. And, like Tom, I can't honestly say that I can't imagine getting a bit carried-away with it. Unfortunately, we can't all be as inherently good and kindhearted as Harry.

Reading HBP again, as a 'mature' person, it almost seems like the reader is being prompted to see Tom as evil just because he's got 'weird' facial expressions.

So... uh...

Nope, let's judge Tom on his actions, not looks of 'wild happiness.'

To his great surprise, however, Dumbledore drew his wand from an inside pocket of his suit jacket, pointed it at the shabby wardrobe in the corner, and gave the wand a casual flick. The wardrobe burst into flames. Riddle jumped to his feet; Harry could hardly blame him for howling in shock and rage; all his worldly possessions must be in there. But even as Riddle rounded on Dumbledore, the flames vanished, leaving the wardrobe completely undamaged.

Okay, one thing I dislike is Tom's lack of emotional affect when Dumbledore burned the wardrobe, in the books, he jumped up and started screaming, instead of looking passively (in shock, perhaps?) at the fire. Incidentally, I can't really tell if he's impressed or in shock, to be honest. I think they really tried to make Tom 'creepier' in the movie.

This is one of the incidents where Dumbledore's inability to deal with children crops up.

I think he was trying to teach Tom that magic can be dangerous, and he wouldn't like it to be used against him, but burning the wardrobe that contains everything he owns was a terrible move on Dumbledore's part. Tom already has very limited trust in other people, and now, he's not going to trust Dumbledore at all -- now, he's put Tom on the defensive/offensive for the rest of their interaction, and perhaps for the rest of their teacher-student relationship.

Riddle stared from the wardrobe to Dumbledore; then, his expression greedy, he pointed at the wand. "Where can I get one of them?"

"Where do you buy spellbooks?" interrupted Riddle, who had taken the heavy money bag without thanking Dumbledore, and was now examining a fat gold Galleon.

But I'm not surprised Tom is 'greedy.' He's grown up in an environment where if he wants something, whether that's affection, food, money, toys, he's got to take it. There's no one looking after his needs specifically. I'm not surprised that he's a thief and a hoarder, and I don't think that counts as a moral failing necessarily, and more of a maladaptive way of seeking comfort. It would be bizarre if he came out of Wool's Orphanage a complete saint.

Additionally, I think given that the Gaunt family has a history of 'mental instability,' Tom is a sensitive child, and the trauma of growing up institutionalized and possibly being treated badly due to his magical abilities or personality disorder deeply affected him.

And there are points where it seems that Dumbledore is quick to judge Tom.

"He was already using magic against other people, to frighten, to punish, to control."

"Yes, indeed; a rare ability, and one supposedly connected with the Dark Arts, although as we know, there are Parselmouths among the great and the good too. In fact, his ability to speak to serpents did not make me nearly as uneasy as his obvious instincts for cruelty, secrecy, and domination."

"I trust that you also noticed that Tom Riddle was already highly self-sufficient, secretive, and, apparently, friendless?..."

And while this is all empirically true, these are (a) a product of Tom's harsh environment, and (b) do not necessarily make him evil. But the point remains that child psych didn't exist as a field of its own, and psychology as a proper science was in its infancy, so I'd be shocked if Dumbledore was insightful about Tom's situation.

But I've gone a ton of paragraphs without citing anything, so I've got to rectify that.

Let's talk about Harry Harlow's monkey experiments in the 1950-70s.

If you're not a fan of animal research, since I know some people are uncomfortable with it, feel free to scroll past.

Here's the TL;DR: Children need to be hugged and shown affection too, not just fed and clothed, please don't leave babies to 'cry out' and ignore their needs because it's backwards and fucking inhumane. HUG AND COMFORT AND CODDLE CHILDREN AND SPOIL THEM WITH AFFECTION!

I will put more red writing when the section is over.

This is still an interesting experiment to have in mind while we explore the whole 'no one taught Tom Riddle how to love' thing and whether or not it's actually a good argument.

Andddd let's go all the way back to the initial 1958 experiment, featured in Harlow's paper, the Nature of Love. (If you're familiar with Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs, him and Harlow actually collaborated for a time).

To give you an idea of our starting point, until Harlow's experiment, which happened twenty years after Dumbledore meets Tom for the first time, no one in science had really been interested in studying love and affection.

"Psychologists, at least psychologists who write textbooks, not only show no interest in the origin and development of love or affection, but they seem to be unaware of its very existence."

I'm going to link some videos of Harry Harlow showing the actual experiment, which animal rights activists would probably consider 'horrifying.' It's nothing gory or anything, but if you are particularly soft-hearted (and I do not mean that as an insult), be warned. It's mostly just baby monkeys being very upset and Harlow discussing it in a callous manner. Yes, today it would be considered unethical, but it's still incredibly important work and if you think you can handle it, I would recommend watching at least the first one to get an idea of how dramatic this effect is.

Dependency when frightened

The full experiment

The TL;DW:

This experiment was conducted with rhesus macaques; they're still used in psychology/neuroscience research when you want very human-like subjects, because they are very intelligent (unnervingly so, actually). I'd say that adult ones remind me of a three-year old child.

Harlow separated newborn monkeys from their mothers, and cared for their physical needs. They had ample nutrition, bedding, warmth, et cetera. However, the researchers noticed that the monkeys:

(a) were absolutely miserable. And not just that, but although all their physical needs were taken care of, they weren't surviving well past the first few days of life. (This has also been documented in human babies, and it's called failure to thrive and I'll talk about it a bit later).

(b) showed a strong attachment to the gauze pads used to cover the floor, and decided to investigate.

So, they decided to provide a surrogate 'mother.' Two, actually. Mother #1 was basically a heated fuzzy doll that was nice for the monkeys to cuddle with. Mother #2 was the same, but not fuzzy and made of wire. Both provided milk. The result? The monkeys spent all their time cuddling and feeding from the fuzzy 'mother.' Perhaps not surprising.

What Harlow decided next, is that one of the hallmarks being attached to your caregiver is seeking hugs and reassurance from them when frightened. So, when the monkeys were presented with something scary, they'd go straight to the cloth mother and ignore the wire one. Not only that, but when placed in an unfamiliar environment, if the cloth mother was present, the monkeys would be much calmer.

In a follow-up experiment, Harlow decided to see if there was some sort of sensitive period by introducing both 'mothers' to monkeys who had been raised in isolation for 250 days. Guess what?

The initial reaction of the monkeys to the alterations was one of extreme disturbance. All the infants screamed violently and made repeated attempts to escape the cage whenever the door was opened. They kept a maximum distance from the mother surrogates and exhibited a considerable amount of rocking and crouching behavior, indicative of emotionality.

Yikes. So, at first Harlow thought that they'd passed some kind of sensitive period for socialization. But after a day or two they calmed down and started chilling out with the cloth mother like the other monkeys did. But here's a weird thing:

That the control monkeys develop affection or love for the cloth mother when she is introduced into the cage at 250 days of age cannot be questioned. There is every reason to believe, however, that this interval of delay depresses the intensity of the affectional response below that of the infant monkeys that were surrogate-mothered from birth onward

All these things... attachment, affection, love, seeking comfort ... are mostly learned behaviours.

Over.

Orphanages, institutionalized childcare, and why affection is a need, not an extra.

His face is lit the exact same was as Coulson’s was in COS (half-light, half-dark), and I said I was going to talk about this in Part 3. I think perhaps it's intended to make Fiennes-Tiffin look more evil or menacing, but I'm going to quite deliberately misinterpret it.

Now, for some context, Dumbledore has just (kind of) burned his wardrobe, ratted out his stealing habit, and (in the books only, they really took a pair of scissors to this scene) told him he needs to go apologize and return everything and Dumbledore will know if he doesn't, and, well, Tom's not exactly a happy bugger about it.

But interestingly, in the books, this is when we start to see Tom's 'persona,' aka his mask, start to come into play. Whereas before, he was screaming, howling, and generally freaking out, here, he starts to hide his emotions -- in essence, obscure his true self under a shadow. So this scene is really the reverse of Coulson's in COS.

And perhaps I'm reading wayyy too much into this, but I can't help but notice that Coulson's hair is parted opposite to Fiennes-Tiffin's, and the opposite sides of their faces are shadowed, too.

Riddle threw Dumbledore a long, clear, calculating look. "Yes, I suppose so, sir," he said finally, in an expressionless voice.

Riddle did not look remotely abashed; he was still staring coldly and appraisingly at Dumbledore. At last he said in a colorless voice, "Yes, sir."

Here's an article from The Atlantic on Romanian orphanages in the 1980s, when the dictator, Ceausescu, basically forced people to have as many children as possible and funnel them into institutionalized 'childcare', and it's absolutely heartbreaking.

There's not a whole lot of information out there on British orphanages in the 30s' and 40s', but given that people back then thought you just had to keep children on a strict schedule and feed them, it wouldn't have a whole lot better.

The only thing I've found is this, and it's not super promising.

The most important study informing the criteria for contemporary nosologies, was a study by Barbara Tizard and her colleagues of young children being raised in residential nurseries in London (Tizard, 1977). These nurseries had lower child to caregiver ratios than many previous studies of institutionalized children. Also, the children were raised in mixed aged groups and had adequate books and toys available. Nevertheless, caregivers were explicitly discouraged from forming attachments to the children in their care.

Here's a fairly recent paper that I think gives a good summary: Link

Here, they describe the responses to the Strange Situation test (which tests a child's attachment to their caregiver).

We found that 100% of the community sample received a score of “5,” indicating fully formed attachments, whereas only 3% of the infants living in institutions demonstrated fully formed attachments. The remaining 97% showed absent, incomplete, or odd and abnormal attachment behaviors.

Bowlby and Ainsworth, who did the initial study, thought that children would always attach to their caregivers, regardless of neglect or abuse. But some infants don't attach (discussed along with RAD in Part 2).

Here's a really good review paper on attachment disorders in currently or formerly institutionalized children : Link

Core features of RAD in young children include the absence of focused attachment behaviors directed towards a preferred caregiver, failure to seek and respond to comforting when distressed, reduced social and emotional reciprocity, and disturbances of emotion regulation, including reduced positive affect and unexplained fearfulness or irritability.

Which all sounds a lot like Tom in this scene. The paper also discusses neurological effects, like atypical EEG power distribution (aka brain waves), which can correlate with 'indiscriminate' behavior and poor inhibitory control; which makes sense for a kid who, oh, I don't know, hung another kid's rabbit because they were angry.

Furthermore...

...those children with more prolonged institutional rearing showed reduced amygdala discrimination and more indiscriminate behavior.

This again, makes a ton of sense for Tom's psychological profile, because the amygdala (which is part of the limbic system, which regulates emotions) plays a major role in fear, anger, anxiety, and aggression, especially with respect to learning, motivation and memory.

So, I agree completely that Tom needed a lot of help, especially given the fact that he spent eleven years in an orphanage (longer than the Bucharest study I was referring to), and Dumbledore wasn't exactly understanding of his situation, and probably didn't realise what a dramatic effect the orphanage had on Tom, and given the way he talks to Tom, probably treated him as if he were a kid who grew up in a healthy environment.

In case you are still unconvinced that hugging is that important, there's a famous 1944 study conducted on 40 newborn human infants to see what would happen if their physical needs (fed, bathed, diapers changed) were provided for with no affection. The study had to be stopped because half the babies died after four months. Affection leads to the production of hormones and boosts the immune system, which increases survival, and that is why we hug children and babies should not be in orphanages. They are supposed to be hugged, all the time. I can't find the citation right now, I'll add it later if I find it.

But I think it's vastly unrealistic to say that Dumbledore, who grew up during the Victorian Era, would have any grasp of this and I don't think he was actively malicious towards Tom.

Was Tom Riddle failed by institutional childcare? Absolutely.

Were the adults in his life oblivious to his situation? Probably.

Do the shitty things that happened to Tom excuse the murders he committed, and are they anyone's fault but his own? No. At the end of the day, Tom made all the wrong choices.

And, for what it's worth, I think (film) Dumbledore (although he expresses the same sentiment in more words in the books) wishes he could go back in time and have helped Tom.

"Draco. Years ago, I knew a boy, who made all the wrong choices. Please, let me help you."

#tom riddle #the many faces of #tom marvolo riddle #character analysis #character study #albus dumbledore

[sonicasura]

Top 5 Game Series That Need The N.Sane Treatment

Crash Bandicoot was a series that hadn't been seen for years until the Crash Bandicoot N.Sane Trilogy was revealed to the world. Thanks to this trilogy, not only was the franchise revitalized but we also got a sequel for Crash Warped in the form of Crash 4: It's About Time.

This is a recipe that could potentially bring games lost in obscurity back into the limelight but even a chance for new games to come. Here are some of my picks!

1. Jak and Daxter

One of the games that seriously needs the N.Sane Trilogy treatment. Jak and Daxter was a game series made by Naughty Dog that would inspire many platforms after. It stars the Demolition Duo, Jak and his partner ottsel, Daxter, on incredible adventures that change in tone over each game. You begin with a goofy island adventure to a dark futuristic playground as new mechanics get introduced.

Out of the main trio which consists of Jak, Sly, and Ratchet, Jak was actually the first game I played amongst them. A series that needs a comeback especially with the Easter Eggs often seen in Ratchet and Clank games throughout the years.

Touch up the graphics into a different style depending on the game, the Precursor Legacy be a bit more cartoony in appearance like Crash 4, and then switch to a style similar to the N.Sane Trilogy for the darker games like Jak 2 and 3.

Adjust the controls to run smoother, change difficulty of certain games like lower the difficulty of Jak 2 a smidge and place an optional mode to play with the original difficulty.

This would lay down the groundwork for an actual proper sequel, Jak X feels more like a side game while Lost Frontier is a snore fest.

If Naughty Dog doesn't take this route and continues pushing out flavorless games, I suggest any decent company that can do should buy the rights to Jak and Daxter. This is a gold mine covered in dust that needs to come back!

2. Sly Cooper

Yep! We're going to the other member of this once legendary trio, Sly Cooper. Sly Cooper was the second game series from Sucker Punch that I played, the first being Infamous series.

This game revolves around a group of thieves who steal from criminals and tend to get wrapped up in saving the world a few times or battling enemies out to end the bloodline of the main character, Sly Cooper, who comes from a legendary family of thieves.

Before the series disappeared into discontinuity, we had a total of 3 main games alongside one made by Sanzaru. Sanzaru's Thieves of Time was decent but midway World 3, the quality seriously declined and left fans with a very unsatisfied ending. Perfect for crossovers but terrible for the franchise.

Giving this game the N.Sane Trilogy treatment would not only give a more successful chance than attempts to make a movie, but it could to more proper sequel than Sanzaru's version. Use a design similar to Sanzaru's or go for a more rounded one like N.Sane Trilogy.

Ratchet and Clank Rift Apart even had an Easter Egg with Sly in it too! Insomniac acknowledges that these game series still exist by dropping these little nuggets of nostalgia, take the hint and bring back the Legendary Playstation Trio!

3. Spectrobes

Nintendo's alternate version of Pokemon. Spectrobes is a trilogy game series that debuted on the DS and last game was made for the Wii.

This series revolves around Rallen and Jeena, two members of the Nanairo Patrol, as they search for the fossils of creatures of light known as Spectrobes to find the planet devouring darkness known as Krawl.

You travel through various planets to uncover different kinds of fossils and some very interesting or whacky but loveable characters. It has elements similar to Fossil Fighters where you have to dig up fossils before awakening them. Care for your Spectrobes to battle the Krawl.

The evolving battle system, new mechanics, various locales and the unique design of each Spectrobe were something I loved but pretty sure many would like too. It even had a book and a mini series on YouTube! The game's graphics could take a route similar to Rayman Legends or Dragonball FighterZ.

Don't go for Jump Force please. We need actual expression than stiff faces and aggravating screams.

This is game series worth bringing back even if it just gets a remake.

4. Golden Sun

Another Nintendo franchise that needs return from obscurity. Golden Sun was a JRPG that came along systems like the Gameboy Advance during a severe lack of games for it. It revolves around different groups of people who use Psynergy, their version of alchemy, to battle evil as they travel the realm of Weyward.

A great game series enriched by its many characters, lore, growing battle system such as Djnn and Summons to turn the tide in battles, unique story and all sorts of areas to explore.

The biggest dent to the franchise was Dark Dawn because of its questionable ending that left many players confused or dissatisfied despite the incredible graphics, plot and character interactions. After that no one has heard a single word about any sequel.

The N.Sane Treatment would not only bring the franchise back for fans both new and old but can actually fix the questionable ending for Dark Dawn. Graphic style, um, I guess something similar to Dragon Quest or maybe Persona. Persona would be the better option considering how you choose how the main character responds to certain situations.

This series has been done dirty and deserves a second chance like this.

5. Kid Icarus

A Nintendo franchise that shows bringing back old games can revitalize a lost series.

This game series is at the bottom for a decent reason actually. Masahiro Sakurai has been hearing requests about porting one of the games, Uprising, to the Switch. Something that he sounds like he wants to do but there is a problem as he admits it would be difficult.

How Uprising is made for the 3DS such as the dual screens, and specific use of the touch screen for combat. Something that can't easily be translated to something like the Switch without decent changes.

The game revolves around the angel Pit, who fights the evil forces of the Underworld with assistance from his Goddess Palutena. Each game changes the rules of battle with the greatest being Uprising as you combat various creatures and even bosses revolve mostly around Greek mythology.

I think the N. Sane Trilogy can work with this. The first Kid Icarus and the second Of Myth and Monsters might be what could provide the missing pieces for the Uprising Switch Port Situation.

Both games could be completely restyled in a format that could be similar to Zelda since in these games, your options of weapons are limited and you have to think smart for particular puzzles.

They can be used to lay down a format that can built on for an Uprising Remake since Land Battles are one half of the essential gameplay. The graphics can be Uprising since it's already a perfect that just needs to be brushed up a bit.

When it comes to Super Smash Brothers, Sakurai worked hard to make characters like Minecraft Steve or Fighting Game fighters such as Ryu and Kazuya fit into the gameplay even if it meant changing about every hitbox and aspect of the stages. A little help can go a long way.

That's what I've got for now. If I find anymore games that need the N. Sane Trilogy then I'll put em in a new list. Until next time folks!

#my personal opinion #jak and daxter #sly cooper #golden sun #kid icarus #spectrobes #sonicasura #nintendo #playstation #crash bandicoot #video games #video game idea #remakes #video game series #naughty dog #sucker punch #camelot #disney interactive studios #top 5 list

[jimalim]

Unsinkable 8 New Year's Eve

The following year the girls all plan to stay through New Year's Day, agreeing that a two day visit for Christmas wasn't enough. This way they have over a week of time together, and two holidays to celebrate! The more the merrier!

They mulled around the idea of going out, but the more they thought about it, the more appealing a night in became. No traffic, no other people, drinks they could consume without fake IDs.

Each girl was assigned a specific task to get the place ready for the evening. Bringing the club to the condo. Leah was in charge of mood lighting, colorful LED strips and disco lights hanging all over the place. Dot set up the new speaker system she got for Christmas so the music would be just right. Martha and Shelby tag teamed drinks and appetizers for the evening. Fatin wanted to be in charge of the palylist, but Rachel just would not back down. Fatin only agrees to let her do it when Nora offers to help balance it out (because Rachel can lean too heavily into one genre) Fatin ends up gleefully working on putting together ensembles for each of the girls to wear along with full hair and makeup looks. Leaving Toni with what she deems the most important job, getting goodies to make the night magical!

Fatin brings each girl in for hair and makeup one by one. Starting with Martha. She gives her a killer cat eye and a slicked back ponytail a la Ariana Grande. "You better make sure you take lots of selfies so send to that beautiful boy of yours, leave him lusting and your reunion will be-" she growls and bites the air.

She gives Shelby a cute updo and glittery simmer to accent her cheekbones. "Toni's gonna have a hard time keeping her hands off you tonight."

"Oh please, she's like that every day." Shelby giggles dismissively.

Rachel doesn't dare let Fatin touch her hair, but she does eagerly let her give her colorful eyeshadow and a bright red lip.

"Nora, your hair is absolutely perfect, and honestly so is your face, so we're just gonna glitter it up!"

Toni gets an impressive braided crown, which she taunts the girls about the rest of the night claiming she's "King of the New Year!"

Dot's hair gets a similar slicked back treatment to Martha's but, since her hair is shorter, Fatin opts to leave it down, tucked behind the ears. She makes Dot's eyes pop with the good old fashioned liner and mascara combo.

And for Leah, Fatin loves when she wears it half up half down. She curls it a bit, giving it a relaxed wave. She applies a thin coat of her favorite flavor lipgloss to Leah's lip, secretly hoping she'll get a taste when the ball drops.

By the time all the girls are finished getting gussied up in their fancy outfits curated by the host, it's nearly 9pm. Nora hits shuffle on their pre game playlist, saving the properly curated one for later when they feel like actually dancing. They kick off the evening with snacks and the first round of drinks.

Everyone is super impressed by how great the new speaker system sounds. Still able to feel the bass even at a lower volume. They spend the next couple hours dancing and having the best time celebrating together. Nora drunkedly expresses this sentiment, hanging on Leah and Rachel's shoulders "I couldn't think of a better way to end the year, and begin a new one than spending it with all you!" Which prompts a group hug then a shake up of dance partners.

Toni and Shelby barely notice the other girls in the room, a fact they become painfully aware of each time one of the girls yells "get a room!" at them. The embarrassment only lasts a few months before they slip back in sync and get lost in each other once again.

Rachel and Dot have a mini dance off around drink number 4, and everyone cheers in a circle around them. They break out the joints shortly after and continue their friendly competition on their own while the other girls drift off into their own moves.

When midnight nears they turn the music down a bit so they can recite the numbers off together. Fatin screams something about pairing off before continuing, "10, 9, 8..."

Toni and Shelby start making out before they hit 1. Fatin kisses Leah after the countdown amd is giddy when Leah pulls her back in for another. Dot picks Rachel up, who if sober would have been floored, but drunk Rachel jusy screams along with Dot throwing her hands in the air. Martha leaves the room when her phone rings, her man calling. Nora takes all the pictures, her Polaroid quickly running out of film, she runs to the bedroom to get more.

The playlist hits the slow section of songs  a few minutes later, to bring the girls down from the excitement. Dot, Rachel, and Nora share another joint while cashed out on the couch. Pictures still being taken occasionally by Nora. Shelby and Toni slow dance wrapped up in each other like they'd been all night. Stealing kisses every now and then. Dot rolling her eyes at how lovey dovey they still are after all this time.

Martha still in the other room has graduated to a more mature level of conversation with her long time boyfriend. Not even bothered she's missing the party.

Fatin and Leah dance together after their New Year's kiss. Leah a little unsure if it meant something or was just tradition. When Fatin curls her hand around Leah's neck to rest their foreheads together, Leah has a hard time breathing.

Around 2am they decide to officially call it a night with one last toast.

Cheers, here's to nothing. Hope the tears were for something. Can we drink, drink to nothing. Can we toast to the pain?

#the wilds #shoni #fatin x leah #dot x rachel #nora reid #martha blackburn

[hold-your-applause]

My wedding anniversary was a few days ago, and I've been ruminating on the topic of domesticity and what it means to me ever since. Allow me to remove some mystery and show you how it looks to me

Earwax

It had been his day off when Daichi woke up unable to hear out of his left ear. When he lifted his head off the pillow, he felt an unfamiliar tight pressure that left his head pulsing. He told you immediately of his distress, and even the ibuprofen didn't give him any relief.

"Do you think it could be an infection?" You had asked. You couldn't think of a reason why he would have one, but it was the first thing that came to your mind.

"No, I don't think so. It just feels like something is in there. Like some kind of blockage." He said. His head was in his hands, trying not to move too much to avoid unnecessary throbbing.

That was all you needed to hear to know what was wrong. You smiled to yourself.

"I think I know what the problem is. You go lay down, I need to grab something from the store, and when I get back we can take care of it ourselves. You just hang tight until then."

Trusting you implicitly, he nodded before carefully heading back to the bedroom to do as you said, and possibly try to get a little more rest.

You weren't sure if he remembered you telling him the story of what had happened when you were younger; with eight years of marriage under your belt, you were bound to lose track of some things you said to each other. But it sounded so familiar, and it would be harmless to try, so you got properly dressed and headed to pharmacy down the street.

You weren't gone too long, and when you got back, he had just barely begun to doze off. You unloaded your supplies and started working on the special mixture, following the directions on the box. When you moved to the bedroom, you smiled as you saw him lying on his side, breathing easy despite the state he was in.

"Daichi."

No response.

He was laying on his right side, meaning that his congested ear was away from the pillow. He couldn't hear you.

"Daichi!"

He stirred, lifting his head with a wince.

"Yeah?"

You moved closer to him, gently resting your hand on his shoulder to help him move onto his back. You held up the cup you had brought with you.

"I'm back, and I need to you do what I tell you."

He eyed the cup, still a bit bleary from pain and from his short-lived nap.

"What is it?"

You smiled.

"I think you've got a bunch of wax built up in there. So I'm going to put this solution in your ear, and we're going to wait a few minutes before we put some water in there to drain it out. Sound good?"

His nose crinkled at the thought, but he was willing to take your suggestion if it meant the pain would stop, no matter how gross it was.

"Yeah, I think so. What do you need me to do?"

You rubbed his shoulder in an attempt to help him relax a bit more. "I just need you to lie the way you were a minute ago. Then I'll set a timer and come get you when it's time to get up. Just let me do the work, okay?"

He nodded tiredly, sluggishly moving back into his previous position. You had a habit of being right about most things, so he learned not to fight you when you got an idea in your head.

You were also very good at taking care of him.

You took the eyedropper you had grabbed while you were out and filled it with some of the solution. Your free hand found its way into his hair, both to stabilize yourself and to help soothe him. It seemed to work; you felt him relax. You rested your arm on his shoulder, hovering the dropper over his ear before dropping one, two, three, four, five drops straight into his ear canal.

He jumped before you could pull away, surprising you, and he let out a strange noise of discomfort.

"What's wrong?" You asked, worried you had somehow hurt him.

"I can hear it working. It sounds weird, and feels weirder."

You blinked, then chuckled with a shake of your head. "Just stay put and I'll come get you. Hopefully this will fix everything."

He grabbed your wrist before you could get away, gently pressing a kiss to your knuckles in a silent thank you before letting you slip out to prepare the rest of the treatment.

You got a towel, debating on bringing a second one for the inevitable mess this would make, but decided you could just clean up while he did a second round if he needed it. You placed it next to the sink and filled a new cup full of hot water. By the time the timer would go off, the water would be warm, and usable for the next step. You opened one last box, thinking to yourself that he might not want your help for this part, if he was willing to do it at all.

Before you knew it, the five minutes were up, and you headed back in to fetch him.

"Hey, you. How do you feel?"

He lifted his head, seeming to perk up.

"I can hear you, for one. So I'd say pretty good."

You chuckled.

"Good. Come on, one more part and then we're hopefully done."

You led him to the bathroom, noting that he didn't seem to be as miserable as when he woke up this morning. If he was able to hear, that probably meant that some of the pressure was released, and his head wasn't hurting anymore.

Once again, you had been right on the money.

He took a look at your set up before turning to you.

"What next?"

You clasped your hands together.

"We're going to use an ear syringe to put water in your ear and drain everything out."

He blanched, shoulders tensing.

"I can do it for you, or you can do it yourself. It's up to you. Which one do you think will be better?"

He slumped. Clearly, he didn't want to do it at all, but the first step had already given him some relief, so you had been right about what was wrong. He had no choice but to go through with the rest of the process.

"I can do it. You've done enough for me so far, I can handle the rest."

You smiled as he ran an appreciative hand through your hair before picking up the strange looking syringe.

"So I just put it in my ear and go? That's it?"

You nodded.

"That's it. Simple as that."

He made a face, but filled the syringe with water before turning to look in the mirror to make sure he was doing it properly. He didn't bother asking you to leave; he knew you wanted to make sure everything was alright.

He breathed out, sticking the syringe in his ear. He counted to three in his head before pushing slowly on the plunger, yelping in surprise and moving to lean over the sink as the water leaked out of his ear. He finished pushing all the water out and pulled the syringe out, and when he felt the water finish draining, he looked down and saw something in the sink.

It seemed to be working.

He turned and smiled at you.

"One more time, I think." He said, and loaded it up again. It was an odd thing to be excited about, but considering how poorly he was doing this morning, he couldn't really help himself.

You chuckled, leaning in the doorway as you watched him do it again, watching him hovering over the sink as the water dripped out of his ear, and this time he let out a triumphant shout when he could suddenly hear clearly. He grabbed the towel and wiped his ear, pulling back to look at it before gagging.

"Eugh, gross! Look at this!" He held up the light blue towel to show you the large smear of dark brown and red from the impacted wax.

"Ew, put that down! I need to wash it." You laughed.

"No, I'm not done." He grinned, using a clean corner to dry the inside of his ear. He leaned down and gave you a quick kiss.

"Thanks for coming to my rescue."

You smiled, taking the towel from him. "Always."

It's not something you notice while it's happening. It's the type of thing that slaps you in the face one day out of nowhere.

Intimacy is more than just passion; it's vulnerability on levels unspoken. To allow someone to see every side of you, no matter how unflattering it might be. It's allowing someone to see you angry, in pain, at rock bottom.

It's fear, it's doubt, it's grief.

It's disgusting.

And it's allowing someone to hold you through all of it.

It's waiting 16 hours in a hospital waiting room while he gets his appendix removed.

It's him leaving work early when cramps leave you stuck in bed.

It's cleaning the blood off his clothes when he has a nasty fall that scars his knees.

It's him teasing you when you're high on allergy medication.

It's earwax.

#daichi sawamura x reader #daichi sawamura imagine #daichi sawamura #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu imagine #haikyuu #fluff #scenario #director fugue

[af1899]

FEH - My free summons on 9/17/2021 + data mine thoughts

Hey, what's good?

So, the banner based on the [Cindered Shadows] DLC from Fire Emblem: Three Houses (with Múspell on it) + its respective data update is finally out.

First, my free summons in the banner mostly weren't anything of special, prioritized blue as planned but nothing. In the round with the fourth free summon though, was forced to pick the fallback category (colorless) and...

Heh... nice, that's my second Leila, I won't complain at all, it's always nice to get a 5★ with valuable fodder or an unexpected merge on a project. I'll try to max her [HM] then fodder to Legendary Lilina for [Life and Death 4] as well as [Rally Atk/Spd+], fortunately these will be easy to get.

Nothing else but that's OK. I'll just move on and at least I know I'll eventually run on the other skill I want on Legendary Lilina, which is [A/R Far Trace 3], since it's going to be in the regular pool after this banner is over.

Now, onto data mine stuff, you can find the thread by redditor u/MrGengar123 right here, but feel free to read my thoughts onto what we've gotten (there'll be no talk about story spoilers and the like).

So... the thing that probably interests players the most when a data mine rolls out would be stats on the Heroes that come with the update.

Múspell doesn't really play so differently from what we've possibly experienced on [Ice & Flame 3] with him as an enemy, he's more of a dual-phase unit that focus his strength on a single blow, is durable both physically and magically (but slow as hecc) and prevents the foe from healing. Noteworthy is that he brings [Dragon Wall 3] to the regular pool, which you should definitely prioritize from his fodder if that's your plan and got him.

Also, more or less expected the statlines on the other three banner units, nothing too special to stand out in those but Yuri is probably going to give us new worries in nowadays metagame in PvP.

But Balthus has a similar statline to Mustafa (45/38/25+/36/28-) but Balthus's statline is superior, as you could have imagined, just being one point slower than Mustafa, but the rest, Balthus has the upper hand. About him there's also the skill choice, I didn't realize before that his weapon indeed looked like an {Instant} one, and it is, it's a good one and we're getting it for free, so, be sure you got your 5★ Balthus (check in-game inbox with Feh)! But I.S. just ruined it up with the passive skill choice, why do we have [Close Guard 3] still as a 5★ skill? It's just stupid specially since [Brazen Atk/Def 3] is already on Ares at 4★ and there's like nothing that should justify it staying locked to that rarity nowadays.

And Aelfric just got the worst treatment out of this batch, while his class seems to make sense due to how he's designed as a unit in his home game, his kit just feels completely lacking in creativity and also, he's just one of the several free red tome users we've been getting this year, his statline is basically a slightly beefed up Arete but without a horse, it's also our second month in a row with a red tome infantry user, their statlines are different (comparing to Pelleas) but this doesn't change he's the fourth unit in the year with that class, with not much to make him stand out compared to the other ones except for maybe the post-[CYL 2021] statline boost benefit, but chances are Pelleas will do better for you and his starting weapon is better too, {Rabbit} weapons in general are mostly terrible Imo, they're okay for short battles but generally, there are better options, including good ol' {Blade} tomes. At least his rarer skill is at 4★, it's [Threat. Def/Res 2], which you can use to get [Def/Res Menace] and another skill from Zeke's fodder ([Atk/Def Catch 3] if you plan to fodder a Legendary Sigurd with the Lv.4 version + [Fatal Smoke 3] or [Lull Atk/Def 3]).

Anyway, my plans on them would be:

Aelfric: fodder of [Threat. Def/Res 2] to users of physical weapons (thought of Legendary Lucina and Ephraim) after maxing out [HM], will keep one copy at 5★ for rerun quests.

Balthus: fodder of [Instant Axe+] and [Close Guard 3] for Groom Zealot, also after maxing out Balthus' [HM], working on that as of writing date of this post.

Now, next [Hall of Forms] lineup consists of these units from Fire Emblem: Path of Radiance:

Bridal Sanaki: green tome flier.

Ashnard: sword flier. ([GHB] unit)

Halloween Ilyana: blue tome armored. (!!!)

Soiree Nephenee: colorless bow infantry user with ability to refresh an ally. (And she's currently summonable and obtainable for a limited time as a [Combat Manual])

Now this is a really well balanced team, no healers but you get a refresher and one unit of each color, two that use physical weapons and two that use magical ones, which should make things more workable in the event as it goes on and you fill everyone with skills that suit them. It's a nice line-up indeed and Halloween Ilyana is great for [A/R Far Save 3], if you'll go for her, [Atk/Res Unity], [Pact Blooms+] (go for another seasonal weapon if you already have (or can get) Valentine's Veronica!) and an enemy-phase oriented {Fighter} B-skill such as [Slick Fighter 3] are also excellent to take along (if you take these, remember [Atk/Res Unity] and [Slick Fighter 3] are counterproductive, you'd like [Crafty Fighter 3] instead!).

Two of them happen to be my Tellius favs (Ilyana and Nephenee) but sadly can't purchase them and only got 1 [Celestial Stone] out of 3. Still, I'll build them as best as RNG allows it to, I specially adore Ilyana and I'll do what I can to make her great.

Bonuses in [Arena]... hmm... not much of interesting, at least I got Scion Julia but I'll use Scion Nanna so that I can balance the team color distribution in the team I'll use and have a healer (Idoun, Sonya and Ninian are the rest of the members).

In [Aether Raids] I got better luck with Mila and Naga, both of which are projects and characters I actually appreciate, so I'm set for two weeks there.

The End

That's all! I do apologize if the post was too long for you, I often need more words to express properly what I mean while also palcing some extra things for convenience.

If you've made it this far, I appreciate you took the time to read my thoughts, I hope you found something helpful in this post and good luck in your summons!

#feh #fe heroes #fire emblem heroes

[satanfemme]

(idk how to trigger tag this, i don't want to upset anyone, i remember how i couldn't stand to hear it before and i imagine there are people who still can't, i think maybe, if this is posted, please look away if the word parts in relation to did/osdd bothers you)

i feel like for a lot of people with did/osdd, it's because they don't want to admit their alters are parts, not separate people, because that's literally how did and osdd work, it's saying "no, that's not me/that didn't happen to me", so they say all manner of things to avoid it, and then that gets spread by other people who also want to avoid it, and this ends up causing people to dissociate worse

like i think it's just built into our disorder to deny that we're one person/separate our self from trauma obviously but i think people need to realize that they can't use that as an excuse to blatantly encourage dissociation in other people by saying things like "if you don't let your alters be their own people you're abusing them" or like... telling me i'm in denial because i don't want to be called a system. or telling me they think i actually have osdd because they can't be bothered to read anything about did that's not from tumblr or a website made by people who call everyone with a presentation different from their own fakers, or lashing out at people for using the word parts instead of alters, or lashing out at people for just talking about did and osdd as mental illnesses and not like, a special thing that makes you "multiple people in one body"

like i understand why they do it, i understand they don't want to admit they're one person or that they even have did/osdd because admitting that would mean they were traumatized at all, and i don't have a problem with people who can't stand to hear it, i have been like that, but it infuriates me because they're dragging other people down when they circulate the kind of posts they do, and i don't think they even actually realize it, i think they probably think they're spreading positivity and helping, but that doesn't minimize the harm they do. my pseudo memories wouldn't be so elaborate without tumblr literally encouraging me to make it worse. when i show people screenshots from the haunted self, like that passage about the guy with multiple star trek introjects, they're surprised. i have met so many people who still don't really know anything about their own fucking disorder, because they only ever got their info from tumblr. it's miserable

aaa yeah yeah yeah. imo I think people seeing their alters as completely separate is “valid” (for lack of a better word) depending on the context (ie: as long as it’s not being presented in some kind of educational or factual manner I’m fine with it, the same way I think people have the right to talk about things like delusions), but also I have to admit that me + my alters seeing ourselves as less-separate has helped us personally a lot. we obv blend a lot and come and go and dissociate beyond knowing “who we are” for each individual moment (as is common with DID/OSDD anyway, despite what a lot of people seem to think), and I feel like when you do get so fixated on fighting this kind of blending and defining Who You Are in each instance as these Unique and Easily Defined entities, it can really just become ... v frustrating v quickly. while on the other hand I’ve found it much more enlightening to just Let ourselves be like this. if in one moment we’re one person, that’s great! if we’re another later, that’s good too. but if we’re neither or both or nothing at all? that’s perfectly fine! we can evaluate the best course of action to deal with our trauma symptoms as they come, and just let our identity be a more casual or laid back background noise.

if we feel one way in one moment, and the opposite the next, there’s no requirement to analyze our person-hood wrt that. our identities are fluid and subjective and I think accepting that has made it feel more like an advantage to us than the roadblock it’s felt like before (both pre and post my (self-)diagnosis.)

also, irt ur second paragraph, that’s super understandable. I think, like with all mental health, treatment/coping needs to be individualized. if you not calling yourself a system, or not letting your alters be their own people, is what personally helps you/your recovery, I don’t think it’s really any strangers’ business to make judgements about it. its just ur business + maybe a therapist if u so choose. literally everyone has the ability to understand their own mental health better than anyone else ever could, and everyone has the ability to determine what is or isn’t helping them towards recovery.

and everyone has the right to decide what “recovery” means to them in the first place!

I don’t have much more to say on this, just that I think this is all a reasonable viewpoint to have, and I think the community at large would be a little more well-rounded and grounded if we had more people bringing up perspectives like this one

#ask to tag #thanks for ur patience with this response! I had a lot to type out too lol #Anonymous

[punkscowardschampions]

Rio & Liam

Rio: What's this about then? Liam: what? Rio: What do you think you're doing going 'round with my little sister Rio: getting her into trouble Liam: why are you trying to warn me off? Rio: Because she's my sister Rio: and you didn't answer my questions Liam: I had a sister, didn't tell her who she could go out with Rio: You don't know what I have or haven't told her Rio: I'm asking what your motives are for going out with her Liam: motives? Liam: what are yours for getting involved? Rio: Yes, motives Rio: I've told you, she's my sister, I look out for her Rio: there's nothing strange about that Liam: there's nothing strange about me & her Liam: I look out for her too Rio: She's a lot younger than you, how did this even come about Liam: it wasn't her first rave, she told me Liam: if it was her first detention I'll hold my hands up Rio: If you hook up with girls at raves all the time, that's your business and I'm not here to judge Rio: but whatever she has done before, she hasn't had a boyfriend Liam: I don't & we didn't Rio: I don't think you get it Rio: whatever it is for you isn't as serious as she thinks it is Liam: you don't know how serious it is for me Rio: Come on Rio: I know you're a 17 year old lad and she's a 14 year old girl, it's different, it's always different Liam: when you're projecting you can make shit sound however you want Rio: Excuse me? Liam: whatever happened with some older lad you went out with, she's not you Rio: Nothing happened to me and that really wouldn't be relevant even if it had because that's not what I'm doing Rio: she doesn't need to be getting in more trouble, but even if we put that aside, I don't want to see her getting hurt, that's not negotiable Liam: she's not getting hurt & nobody was by what we did Rio: wasn't the best idea Rio: you're getting into pyro territory, they'll bring in garda next time Rio: all I'm saying is, if you give a shit about her, then look after her, if not, I'll see to it you leave her alone Liam: I'll take the blame if they do Rio: Alright Rio: I'm not just talking about the logistics Rio: she's not as tough as she seems Liam: who is? Rio: I'm not concerned about other people Liam: I'm not a monster, like Rio: I didn't say you were Liam: I'll look after her, out for her, all of it Rio: Okay, good Rio: that's all I had to say Liam: not trying to get off on the wrong foot with you Liam: like I said, I had a sister Rio: Yeah, I know Rio: so you get it Liam: I get how it looks to you Rio: There's no point trying to stop her seeing you or anything like that, I know Rio: but I appreciate what you've said, and hopefully your actions will follow Liam: I'm not going anywhere Liam: you'll find out what I'm about Rio: 👍 Liam: we've been at school together since we started, you've already got some idea Rio: Well yeah, but we've never had a proper chat really Liam: but you can trust me with your sister Liam: I'm not one of those lads in our year Rio: 😂 I'm not just blindly trusting anyone but at least you aren't a total asshole, like Liam: maybe I got a bit carried away Liam: don't you know what that's like? Rio: of course Rio: but it's different when we're talking about my sister Rio: you getting carried away isn't the crime, but it's how it'll affect her if you change your mind Rio: you can see how she is, right? Liam: I'm not changing my mind Rio: I'm not being extra Rio: or saying you have to be with her forever Rio: just try not to hurt her with it, whatever happens Liam: I'll promise if you want, I can be extra Rio: I kinda don't want you to lie about it, is the point Liam: what do you think I'm lying about? Rio: I don't, but part of it is not saying you feel something when you don't, or being extra because she is or, whatever Rio: you know Liam: she knows how I feel Rio: Good, that's what matters Liam: yeah Rio: Thanks for appreciating where I'm coming from Liam: she is younger than us, I'm not sitting here pretending I don't know that Liam: or how it looks Rio: It doesn't have to be an issue Rio: as long as you treat her right Liam: I'm trying to Rio: of course 🙂 Liam: I'm not any more used to this shit than she is Liam: I'm just doing what feels like it's right Rio: You've not had a girlfriend before? Rio: if you don't mind me asking Liam: no-one like how we are Rio: oh right Rio: well that's better Liam: I don't do things on impulse Rio: You really like her then Liam: she's smart & beautiful & talented Rio: She is Liam: we're seeing each properly so you'll have chances to keep an eye on me if you still don't trust me Rio: Okay, make me sound worse 😅 Liam: I don't mind Liam: it's good that you give a shit about me Rio: she's the first one to get a boyfriend/girlfriend of my siblings so Liam: I get the most extra treatment then Rio: For now I guess Rio: not if you aren't an asshole though, obviously Rio: what I needed to say has been said it's only if you need reminding Liam: I'll let you make up your own mind Liam: she has Rio: we can all be biased Rio: just her second pair of eyes, if you like Rio: I'm sure she doesn't but you know Liam: oldest sibling bullshit Liam: can't be helped Rio: something like that Liam: nobody wants their little sister to be put through it Rio: exactly Rio: I'd be crap if I didn't even try to save her heartbreak Liam: you're not crap, you can have that Rio: Tah 😏 Liam: but you can't be gutted that we tried to get school closed Rio: I was hardly devastated to miss the majority of Irish, obviously Rio: rather she didn't get arrested though, as you're asking Liam: she won't Rio: let's make sure, yeah Liam: yeah Rio: well I won't take up any more of your day then Liam: 👌 Liam: see you around Rio: 👋 see you at school, providing there's no more fires Liam: I'll work on it Rio: 😂👍

[theangrypokemaniac]

Sinnoh has massive flaws as an era, although it's starting to feel like the good old days compared to the present piss-poor offerings.

The major drawback is the amount of 'recurring characters', ones not good enough to be in it fully, but inflicted upon us nevertheless.

I did care about Ash. I did care about Team Rocket.

I was prepared to care about The Misty Replacement, as in the girl shipped with Ash.

I was prepared to care about The Brock Replacement, that is the older brother figure who does all the cooking, carries the medicine, and knows about Pokémon.

I don't give a toss about extras who outstay their welcome.

Hoenn only had Drew and Harley. What was wrong with that?

There are just too bloody many.

Why does Dawn require so many opponents, as if she's of the greatest importance? Why won't Jessie suffice?

I accept the necessity of Paul as The Rival, and we were at least permitted to resent him initially, before the writers fanboy'd like there was no tomorrow.

I admit I liked two of them. They therefore featured the least.

Typical.

Nando

The Blondel of Iberia

A softly-spoken, raven-locked troubadour, roaming the many pathways of life, playing his songs for those weary travellers he encounters on the road.

He's wearing a cloak! The finest use of material to ever be invented!

All this ethereal grace considering the dub lumbered him with the most appallingly unsuitable name possible.

It could've been Raphael, or Dante, or Leonardo.

Oh no, let's name him after a restaurant chain. That adds gravitas.

His lyre pays tribute to Mew, because Nando knows she's The Rarest Of All Pokémon, thus refuses to be impressed by any deformed horse like Arceus throwing its weight around.

Damn straight.

Ursula

A pretty girl with lovely clothes and the spark of a proper personality.

You're not wanted round these parts, love.

I have no particular animosity towards Dawn, but it irritates me how the world revolves around her whims, where if she's lost in the woods, it's a major disaster, and if an attack heads in her direction, she must be protected in case she shatters.

It makes a refreshing change to find someone firmly inoculated against the lures of the temptress.

Also, alongside Ursula from Dinosaur King (the real Jessie), I'm glad of any attempt to reclaim that name, considering most of my generation, upon hearing it, think only about evil old octopus women.

As for the rest?

It's that bad I prefer the Unova bunch to these.

Reggie

Reggie is even more of a knob than Paul. As above, being Ash's enemy meant that, if only by narrative, he was intended to be somewhat disliked.

Not Reginald. No, he's the kind one.

Oh really?

When Ash and Paul have their showdown, Reg starts wittering that it's just as well Chimchar took up with Ash, since he wasn't suited to Paul's 'battle style'.

Battle style.

Is the what he calls mental and physical cruelty?

In Reg's amoral cesspit of a mind, there is no right and wrong, so do whatever you feel.

Reggie is quite aware of how his brother tortures Pokémon, and not only is he unconcerned, he excuses it with euphemism, hoping the audience will obligingly forget too.

What's more, he implies it's Chimchar's fault for not pulling his weight, and Paul abandoning him was the compassionate thing to do.

Cynthia

Suffering severe Bridge Nose Syndrome.

She may be Champion, but I don't remember Lance turning up all the time where he wasn't wanted.

She doesn't even use her influence properly. Rather than give it straight to Paul, order him to shape up and stop spanking the monkey, she fannies about with her cod mysticism, emptily preaching about how Ash and Paul are spiritually linked, with magical, beeyewteefull events taking form just because they met.

That's right, don't bother about Paul clearly being a psychopath, for 'tis ART!

It's the same as trying to convince me that Ash, Dawn and Brock were the Divine Trio because they all saw Something Nasty In The Lake District, as if they have an intrinsic bond foretold in ancient prophecy.

The writers pull this knowing two thirds of the Holy Trinity, plus Paul the Fallen Angel, will be leaving, at which point we'll be expected to stop being overawed at the great majesty they all apparently possess and transfer allegiance to their usurpers.

What's the point?

Angie

Yet another smackhead from that lunatic stare.

What shining genius decided giving all the characters contracted pupils was a good idea?

She looks like one of those kids whose parents dealt with nits the traditional way:

Shaving the entire head and painting it purple.

A barnet resembling privet hacked at by a paralytic gardener before he conked out.

I've seen her arc three or four times, and I still remember nothing about her, except for the amazing skill she possesses to make Ash sneeze on command from a distance.

Conway

One word: nonce.

A clichéd weirdo fitting into Pokémon's Four-Eyed Freaks fixation, where anyone with a slight visual impairment is a weedy, know-it-all bastard or on a register.

Oh yes, and this lad comes with hidden delights, because his glasses gleam like a giant cockroach, just in case he wasn't creepy enough.

Zoey

The human black hole. Has the incredible ability to suck all the joy out of a room just by appearing. A personage of absolute lead.

Too nice and over familiar, lacking a single detectable personality trait.

Bland, empty, and with the charisma of vomit-sodden cardboard.

Sinnoh is a prolonged saga as it is, padded with nonentities like her and Kenny.

Alright, episodes must be devoted to Dawn's Contest career, however tiresome it is, but why exactly do we need any about Zoey and Kenny? Why should we care?

Every time I sat through a competition Dawn lost, I resented that she was no further along on her quest, equating to another episode eaten away by this shallow, blackened hymn to superficiality.

Compare this indulgent treatment to the sneering disrespect shown to Jessie, an actual main character, who not only had to win her Ribbons practically off screen, but the writers delighted in hammering home how worthless she was in only scraping into the Grand Festival because Princess Salvia took pity on the deluded wretch.

They favour their own inventions over the original cast, then dump 'em as soon as the next generation arrives, so how could they ever matter if even the creators eagerly cast them aside?

After all the effort on my part to put up with the entire witless farce, Zoey beats Dawn in the finals!

Why?!

I understood the unspoken law of Ash not being allowed to win a League until the very last series, for fear whatever came after would be anticlimactic, but why should this deadening failure apply to May and Dawn?

By the culmination of the Contest rigmarole, it's obvious they'll be making their exit for the next region's Girl, so why couldn't either bid farewell to the fans with a victory?

Why must they be incompetent too?

Even if achieving their dream dampened any hunger to carry on, they're departing anyway, so what difference does it make?

At least Ash will continue, but for May and Dawn, it's the end.

How could any fan be satisfied with a smarmy vacuum of a creature like Zoey succeeding instead?

Barry

Eyes of molten evil.

The second-worst character ever created (Iris is top of the ranks), Barry is a smug, arrogant, screeching dweeb jabbering his oh-so endearing catchphrase about fining anyone who slightly irks him, so sure is he that his feelings should come above everyone else's

He truly believes he has a God-given entitlement to demand lesser lifeforms should arrange themselves to suit his pleasure, that they are morally compelled to shield him from  meagre inconvenience.

Twat.

Knocking the little geck out of the League was the most noble thing Paul ever did. It practically redeems him.

This is what I cannot comprehend:

Ursula is openly conceited, rude to Dawn, and brags about her own excellence even after losing.

We're asked to dislike her.

Barry slags Ash off constantly, is convinced of his own divinity, and jeers at Team Rocket.

We're supposed to see him as a 'good guy' and welcome his arrival.

Why? Are Ash and Team Rocket fair game, but offending Saint Dawn's intolerable?

Again, it astounds me how temporary, region-specific stars seem to count for more than those who've been here since the beginning.

Whilst they're here, that is. Once gone, you wouldn't know they'd existed.

Kenny

He wears a matador outfit to compete.

It's a crying shame Tauros was never given the opportunity to gore him.

As usual, it's Piplup I blame.

Each generation likes to flaunt the starter Pokémon, presumably in the hope of flogging more games, that's why Ash usually catches all three, or they're spread out amongst his friends.

It's about time Team Rocket had one.

Can't do that, they only appear five times per series now.

Piplup is a whiny attention whore who refuses to evolve. In consequence, he can't advertise the next stages in the evolution chain, so we have to keep seeing Barry and Kenny instead, that's why Empoleon and Prinplup are always walking about.

This equates to three characters having the same Pokémon, albeit in different incarnations.

There's variety.

However, Kenny's true purpose is much more grim than that.

Fans will ship Ash with The Girl, a useless endeavour when it's destined to come to nothing when she's kicked out.

In Hoenn and Sinnoh, an effort was made to wean shippers off in preparation for the upcoming split, so alternative suitors were introduced, with the girls effectively pushed on to them.

May got Drew.

I don't mind that. He had some refinements.

Dawn got Kenny.

...

What, you want me to cheer for such a revolting couple?

Have I not suffered enough?

What unpardonable crime did Dawn do to deserve such a horrible fate?

She's not a bad-looking girl. She can do better than an ugly, portly, shrunken, pie-faced cretin! 

You do this to me when Nando exists?

Sod the age gap, that never concerned anyone here.

This being the Kenny who spends four years belittling Dawn by constantly reminding her of a humiliating childhood experience, even giving her a nickname too!

Dawn is visibly distressed when he does this, but he's a fine candidate for romance?

She has to settle for a sweaty, lecherous herbert like him, who doesn't even try to atone for his unfortunate mug by being kind?

I suspect the whole Sinnoh adventure was really him wearing down her self-esteem until she believed he was the best available, wanting her to be grateful for his slobbery attentions.

It won't stop there either. He'll trap her for the rest of her life by isolating her from friends, followed by accusations of how undeserving she is of his 'love'.

Such is Dawn's lot: absent father, pushy mother, whinging penguin and abusive boyfriend.

Kenny's already a perv:

He's not looking at her face.

She knows he's not.

Ash and Pikachu have noticed an interesting feature further down.

Aipom likes it too.

#pokémon #nando #ursula #reggie #cynthia #angie #conway #zoey #barry #kenny #dawn #jessie #sinnoh

[justinsdaysinthedark]

Post # 6 - It is what it is

I'd be lying if I said I haven't spent the past half an hour with tears flowing from my eyes staring at a blank screen wondering how I'm going to get everything I've got floating in my head out. I suppose listening to Coldplay live in Argentina probably wasn't the best choice of music to set the mood. I'll work on that one in the future...

Where do I start? It's been a question I'm often asking myself at the start of these blog posts and it's certainly not the easiest one. What do you guys know? There's been so much happen since my last post on Thursday night.

Friday July 26th: I saw my doctors around lunchtime who came in quite concerned. Whilst they were confident my lymphoma was one called DLBCL (Diffuse Large B- Cell Lymphoma), some tests had come back with suspect results that it could be a more aggressive and harsh type of lymphoma called Burkitt's lymphoma and if confirmed, chemo was starting that night with no time to waste. There was also one marked in the middle (a cross of the two) called Burkitt's Like Lymphoma which is treated similarly to DLBCL. Whatever it was, I couldn't change it. I just wanted answers and if treatment needed to start, let's get it underway!

Adam, my incredible haematology doctor sent off another test of my gall bladder to finally get the confirmation I was after. It was urgent. He had to know. It was reassuring of Adam to state "Justin, we need to know what this is. Preliminary results are due back later this afternoon and that will hopefully rule out Burkitt's. if it is Burkitt's, we'll start chemo tonight and I'll be with you every step of the way - even if I have to stay back a few hours."

I know doctors earn a fair coin on a lazy day, but how many give you that much confidence that you and your health is important to them? I'm going to have it a guess and say not many but alas, I am so incredibly lucky with the team of doctors I have.

4:00pm and Adam strolls in the door heading straight for my room. My heart drops, similarly to what it had when Michael dropped the news I had lymphoma. "Good news. Preliminary results are back and we're confident it's not Burkitt's. You can't rule out anything in life, so there still is a small chance it could be. We're happy to wait for the final results on Monday, figure out a treatment plan from there and start Chemotherapy next week. Spend Saturday and Sunday on day leave and I'll see you next week."

This was news to my ears. In a time of what has been negative or no news, I could spend the weekend with family relatively freely and forget everything was happening for a few hours each day. My Uncle Bob and Aunty Denise were down from Tasmania to see me, as was my Aunty AJ and cousins from Bairnsdale so it all felt like it fit into place.

Friday night saw me considerably more relaxed with this news...that was until Collingwood started and it was the demolition it was. Slightly humorous side note, the nurse came in around 9pm for my nightly observations. Naturally, my heart rate was up a bit more than normal watching the football (118BPM - normally between 70-85BPM). This caused the nurse to call in the team of doctors who wanted to put me on an ECG machine for the night and monitor my heart. I assured them it was because Collingwood were on and if they gave me an hour, I'd be okay. It took some convincing, but it finally worked. Back they came an hour later and it had gone down - crisis averted.

Saturday afternoon and evening was wonderful. I went down to dads for dinner and was fortunate enough to spend some much needed time with family over a beautiful dinner and good laugh.

Sunday was much the same. I went home, mum did a fair chunk of washing for me as I spent it being me. Seeing Courtney, napping in my own bed and even headed over to Fountain Gate and got some much needed new clothes and other miscellaneous items - something that seems so simple but is such a luxury when you've spent the past 15 days in hospital.

Monday July 29th: They say the more you think positively, the more positive news you shall receive....or it goes something like that right? I woke up this morning the most upbeat and best I'd felt in weeks. I felt fine. I felt no pain, almost like I'd woken up from a shitty hotel! In all honesty, I felt like I'm abusing the system however I keep being quickly reminded how much I need to be here. Did I wake up so positive because I lived my old life for 16 hours over the weekend? Is it because I was hoping to hear a reasonably positive outcome with this lymphoma test? Probably a mix of both if I'm honest. But whatever it was, I was hopeful.

Adam came around at roughly 10:00am. Didn't really have much for me in terms of news but more of an outline of the day. If they hear the results of the test they were waiting on, they'd write me up a treatment plan ASAP and get chemo started this afternoon. At worst, I'd be starting it tomorrow (Tuesday). They just needed that definitive answer of what type of lymphoma I have - an answer I'd love more than anybody.

Either way, we agreed i'd need a PICC (Peripherally Inserted Central Catheter) line in which basically is a long-term cannula. It runs from the inside of my arm right up and around and stops basically just outside my heart. This is for easy access for the chemotherapy and even an easy exit for blood tests - something that's proven incredibly difficult to take from me over the past few days. Additionally, these lines can last up to six months verses the three days you get from a cannula. There were too many positives to say no to!

This wasn't scheduled for any time in particular, so 1:00pm came around and I was about to be taken to get the PICC line in.

Just as I was about to leave, Adam came in with a few words I'm all too familiar with. "Well, the pathology tests we were waiting on have come back inconclusive..."

Woah. Wait. What? How do tests of my gall bladder that was removed six days ago come back inconclusive? How does one of the main sources not have enough 'data' to tell them what sort of lymphoma I have? I was just stunned.

Adam continued "As a result, we can see some signs of Burkitt's lymphoma and that's what we're going to treat you for. You're young. You should be able to handle it and it's better to over treat you than under treat and be stuck where we are at the moment. It's an intense 16-day chemo treatment that will totally wipe out your red and white blood cells as well as your platelets. We foresee you being in here for another 3-5 weeks, depending on how well your body goes getting these levels back up to normal post this first treatment..."

I honestly say this but that's all I remember from this conversation. I was hoping I'd be heading home this week but looks like that definitely won't be happening. Today marks day 40 of the past 55 days in hospital (day 15 of this stint) and if I go off the longest suggested time expected, I have another 35 days to go. That honestly crushed me.

I got taken down to get my PICC line in - quite an easy process. Very similar to putting in a larger cannula, just a whole lot longer and uses local anaesthetic as well as being guided by an ultrasound and X-ray. I'm lucky enough to have two ports, which will hopefully speed up some of my medication and how much they can pump in. Does it feel weird? The only weird part was feeling it slide down past and near my heart - but that's okay now!

By the time I return, dad made his was in to try and help process the news. We get Adam in to once again explain the process. In layman's terms, I'll be starting an intense and high-dose 16-day chemotherapy program kicking off tomorrow (Tuesday) morning. Most of the time across the next 16 days, I'll be hooked up via IV drip getting whatever medication is required. I think I saw I have rest days on days 7 & 8 which I suppose will give me two days to look forward to. At the end of the day, it's something I'm not certain on and will be a day by day process and constant learning about what's going into my body to help fight with me.

I do have one request for you all. With my body not producing red or white blood cells or platelets over the next few weeks, I do request if you are planning to visit however are sick to stay away those extra few days. With my immune system going to be at the lowest it's been, I don't particularly want to pick up something I don't need. Additionally, as much as I'd love flowers, they're also banned due to the infection risk of the spores mixing with the chemotherapy and causing some dangerous damage from the inside.

At the end of the day, if you're not sure please message me and check as I'm not entirely sure myself about everything. I'm constantly learning as I'm going.

How am I feeling? I'm nervous. I'm nervous at the unknown. How will this affect me? How bad am I going to feel? Will I lose my hair? What will my energy levels be like? In advance, I do apologise if over the next few weeks I'm not myself. Truth be told, that's because I probably won't be.

In a way, i'm finally excited to start my treatment first thing tomorrow morning (after yet ANOTHER lumbar puncture). I was so envious of both people next to me getting their first rounds of chemo today. I know mine will be intense but I just can't wait.

I've learnt so much about cancer and chemotherapy over the past four days and I know there's so much more to learn. Today I learnt I'll be incredibly highly cytotoxic, which basically means all needles and anything used on me need to go in a separate bin just for me. Additionally, I'll have to get used to the good old double flush after the toilet to ensure all waste is disposed of. Mouth ulcers are a big issue with most chemo patients as well. I'll have to start brushing my teeth after every meal and taking a special mouthwash 3x daily to assist with keeping these under control. There's plenty of other little things, but they're two I least expected.

Everything really hit me last night....not like it did tonight though. I just had twenty minutes to reflect and it just became a sudden realisation. What I'm going through is real. It's not a 'joke' anymore. It's not something they're looking at as a potential cause. It is the cause. I have a legitimate medical issue and it's finally time to fight lymphoma. All well and good to be talking the talk like I have been - it's now time to walk the walk. This sits well with me. If I give somebody my word, I do whatever I can to get it achieved. Unfortunately for the lymphoma throughout my body I've given it my word and it's time to fight it. Round one begins tomorrow morning.

I leave tonight feeling a whole lot better than I did when I started tonight's post. I didn't learn from my words earlier as Coldplay live from Argentina is still playing however I'm in a much more comfortable mind space.

My best friend of a lazy 20 years, Dylan visited tonight with his partner, Jacqui. One phrase popped up more than most and they made me aware it was a common phrase coming out of my mouth.

"It is what it is."

I can't control what's happened to me as "it is what it is." What I can control from here though is how I fight lymphoma. Thanks for the visit tonight guys, I appreciated the two hours spent here in what's been an incredibly tough afternoon.

Much love.

Juzz xx