#we have a 100 year old house with a rat problem

[audible-smiles]

Audio: I have a prisoner. Ruth chased it into our room and I don’t know what the hell to do with it. It’s very cute. I’m worried that might be a cat bite wound on its abdomen. Ah! No. I know, you’re a smarty. So if it’s a brown rat, like a Norway rat it’s a juvenile, because it’s way too small. And it’s slightly bigger than the mice I’m familiar with. I don’t know what this is. What is this thing?

#lifeblogging #rodents #Ruth the kitten #my cat doesn’t go outside #we have a 100 year old house with a rat problem #a pest control company is…failing. lol #I’m going to make them deal with this situation #because I don’t feel like getting lepto or hantavirus today #it just sucks ass because I do like rats a lot

[masterwords]

Summary: (Pre-show) Hotch and Reid follow a lead at a storage unit and Hotch gets trapped inside.

Warnings: vomit, heat exhaustion, hospital, lots of creepy crawlies (spiders, rats, cockroaches...) canon typical nasty

Pairings: None

Words: 4.3k

Author's Note: Yeah, hey there. It's been a while. My kids are in baseball and that's a 7 day a week thing with a lot of travel involved, so I haven't had much of a chance to sit down and pull words out of my brain. Many many apologies! This is the best I have for now.

**

Rats. Of all the things Hotch anticipated when the four of them decided to split into pairs and explore a few leads, rats weren't even on his radar. Neither were spiders or mold or beetles.

And definitely not bats, although he didn't end up contending with them in the end...still, the thought of them had entered his mind and taken hold for a very long time. It was either that or focus on the very real problem of his body shutting down.

“I'll take Morgan to look at the dump site again, see if we can find anything we missed,” Gideon said, leaving Hotch to grab hold of Reid and drag him out to a storage facility no one wanted to explore. Reid who had never been in the field...who was nervous and barely knew how to load his firearm let alone use it. Reid who desperately needed experience in order to gain confidence. “Maybe we'll get lucky.”

“Are you ready?” Hotch asked, nudging Reid toward their car. It was a simple mission of exploration, a storage facility that housed a significant amount of items belonging to their unsub. With the warrant in hand, they drove into the crystal clear morning, their SUV cutting the humidity like a knife. Hotch was certain that this was the easy job, no outdoors to contend with, no humidity to suck along with giant Florida insects the likes of which he had never seen at home. The dumpsite was in the woods and he hated the woods, would have done just about anything not to wander blind into them on any day, let alone an over-heated Florda day in mid-August. Let Morgan and his muscles accompany Gideon and his brain, he and Reid could handle a gated storage unit with security guards on duty.

Except the key they were given didn't work, the lock had been changed and there were no locksmiths who would touch this one...everyone knew, it was all over the news. Rumors that there were bodies inside had no foundation, it wasn't what they were searching for, and yet they were met continuously with courteous but forceful “No, I'm sorry I can't help you,” and "Just break the door in". Hotch considered threats but they'd be empty, they could get in other ways. He smiled at the thought of Morgan trying to shoulder his way in, crashing against the door like an angry rhino, kicking at the lock. He might make it, too, but he was in the woods up to his knees in swampy underbrush and batting away mosquitoes the size of quarters. The Security Guard provided a rusty old car jack they had in the office, and between the two of them they managed to shimmy the door up just enough for Hotch to slide under. It wouldn't go further no matter how they tried, and they'd already worked themselves into a sweat. Hotch could feel the unsettling dampness beneath his arms as he shrugged out of his jacket and into his kevlar vest.

“The damn thing ain't been opened in so long it's rusted shut,” the guard muttered around a cigarette. The cherry bounced around creating tracers of light against his chin. “Probably been sitting 'round for years like this, humidity'll do this if you don't move 'er around, dry 'er off a bit. Must be nothin' too important to him in there, huh?”

“That's what we're here to find out,” Hotch mumbled it under his breath, hoping he was wrong about this hunch. Maybe it was just junk, a bunch of stuff they couldn't part with but didn't care much about...not a body, please not a body. Not in there with 100% humidity, a good twenty degrees hotter than outside. He could feel the stagnant, wet heat oozing out from beneath the barely opened door and suppressed a shudder, thought about pulling rank and telling Reid to go in. He was reconsidering the woods now. Mosquitoes didn't sound so bad.

“Well Doctor Reid?” Hotch asked with a smirk, and Reid almost seemed to freeze as he tried to figure out whether Hotch was joking or serious. Hotch pushed just a little. “Hop to it.”

Reid stammered something about mice and dark and tucked a lock of hair behind his ear nervously, drawing a painfully short chuckle from Hotch. He was easing himself into the idea of slithering under that door into pitch black, trying to calm the nervous thunder in his chest. “I'm kidding. I'll go in, just keep watch.”

It wasn't like he would send Reid in alone, but he also wasn't entirely sure he should leave the kid alone in the yard. He'd never been in the field before. There were two large dogs of indeterminate breeds patrolling the grounds, and they'd been instructed in handling the dogs briefly. Enough to know they should be concerned about them and for heaven's sake do not forget the commands and how to use them. Reid didn't trust how well the dogs were trained, safe words or no. The storage facility was on twenty acres of city land, he might never see the dogs anyway, but if he did...god he hoped those words worked. He really didn't want to be ripped to shreds by guard dogs for what could be a wild goose chase. The thought of the dogs and their teeth sinking into him, tearing him to bits, and for what again? What had he thought they might find in there? He regarded the narrow opening beneath the rusted shut door and felt panic rise in him.

And then there was the other thing. The unsub himself. “Doctor Reid,” Hotch said, adjusting his vest so it sat a little too tight against him, he wasn't keen on getting any part of it caught as he maneuvered under the door and he certainly didn't want to snag on anything once inside. He was no stranger to these storage units, this wasn't his first rodeo and knowing what was inside...he wasn't going to take any chances. “Roberts could show up at any point. He doesn't know we're here right now, but if he watches the news he knows we'll come looking.” Roberts was their unsub, though he was no longer “un” as Reid had pointed out. They knew who he was and they all knew he was guilty they just had to find enough evidence to nail him, and find the rest of the missing girls. The storage unit would hopefully hold the key. But it could also be a trap and they both knew it. Unnecessary amounts of pressure piled on in the mounting late morning heat, and Reid found himself reconsidering his decision to join this team.

“Your gun, Doctor Reid.”

There was a brief moment where Hotch could only focus on the wide, white eyes of his partner. He saw fear there and he frowned. “You do have your gun, right?”

“I do...” Reid replied quietly. “I won't need it will I?” He was suddenly overcome by the intensity of how wrong he was for this job. It should be Morgan. This was a Hotch and Morgan job, it just was. They do this stuff. They take down the unsubs, they keep ice packs and heating pads and bottles of Advil on hand. They compare scars and bruises like trophies of a job well done. Hotch was still nursing a sore shoulder and he could faintly detect the slightest hint of a limp hanging on in Morgan's stride. He didn't know the stories but he could put it together fairly easily and he'd only been part of the BAU officially for a few weeks. No, this job was way over his head...he should be with Gideon, or at the precinct working through the stacks of files and maps, anywhere but here in the middle of a vast maze of storage units that could be concealing any number of horrors and needing to use his gun.

“Just watch your back. I'll try to be quick.”

And this, if you're keeping track, is where the rats come in.

Hotch slipped under the door on his belly, feeling the heat of the pavement beneath him through his kevlar. It burned hot against his hands, molten gravel digging into the meat of his palms. His hands moved through broken glass and tiny rocks, specks of things he'd rather not think too hard about. Reaching forward carefully, he pulled himself along, brushing cockroach carcasses out of the way of his face. He didn't get them all in time. The unit smelled overwhelmingly of urine soaked fabrics and mold, sour close to the ground. When he managed to push himself up to his knees and catch his breath against the panic rising in the molten thick of the dark, the smell shifted and became musty and sweet with decay. Palms against thighs he rested and tried to breathe, the air was soupy and settled against his skin in a thick layer. He was already sweating.

“Doctor Reid?” he called, trying to get his bearings while he rocked back on his haunches. His eyes caught the faint glimmer of light beneath the door but it didn't go far, just pooled there.

Even the light didn't want to come in with him.

“Did you happen to bring any water?” He realized, almost mournfully, that all he'd had to drink that morning was coffee and he hadn't thought about bringing any water let alone something to eat. He was about as full of regret as he could be now as he soaked his way through his silk shirt.

“I don't think so,” Reid replied with a rock in his belly. Idiots, both of them, and his mind rattled off all the ways they could come to regret not having at least a bottle of water on hand. Still, they were in the mix of civilization, there was a gas station across the street, they weren't going to die. “Do you want me to go get some?” He was almost hopeful that Hotch would say yes, run across the street, away from here, but he didn't.

“No, we'll grab some on our way back.” He didn't want to be left alone, that was really the long and short of it. Reid wasn't much help, but he was enough to keep Hotch from worrying about the fact that he was peeling sticky fly paper off of his chest and listening to the way the beetles and other many legged creatures pulled away from him, their shells cracking and crumbling. It kept him from focusing too hard on the scurrying sounds of little feet, and the feel of silky soft spiderwebs against his ears.

He rose to his feet and swayed a little, already feeling the effects of the stagnant heat. Slowly, meticulously, he dusted off his knees as if it mattered. It was more customary than anything...he was wearing expensive trousers; you dust them off when you drag them through filth. Fumbling for a moment in his pockets, he searched out his flashlight. It was small, too small to cover a big area like this locker but it would have to do. Towers of boxes surrounded him, caged him in, and between each tower he could feel the sticky spiderwebs. One was near his cheek and he barely resisted the urge to reach up and swat it away. Futile, there were so many more, and he was a giant crashing through them. It would be silly to disturb them on purpose, right now they didn't seem to mind his being there.

With his flashlight on, he peered around at what he was up against and shivered. It was hotter inside than out, and it was a viscous swampy heat, the kind you almost felt you had to cut through. It stuck heavy in his lungs, seeped through his pores. At his feet he could hear the rats scurrying, great droves of them moving almost in unison...one step but many steps together. A large one moved over his foot and he froze in place, felt his muscles tense and burn. In this particular line of work, this wasn't exactly out of the ordinary. Definitely no his first time dealing with rats but it was his first time doing it in such close quarters and without being able to see more than a foot in any direction. This was not a story he brought home to Haley.

His hand twitched at his side and he thought about what he needed to do, what he had to find. Why he was in this hell hole. Focusing in with a needle-like precision, he dragged his flashlight over the surface of the box towers and tarp covered furniture, trying to decide where to begin. Nothing was labeled, and the moment he began to lament that very minor fact he heard a deep groaning sound. His first thought was Reid.

“Agent Hotchner,” The voice he heard was not exactly Reid's, but he knew it was him nonetheless. It was pale, faltered a little like he was scared. Hotch felt a chill course through his veins. The groaning sound became almost grinding, bending, and louder. Whatever was happening was doing so quickly. “You should get out of there. The door is too heavy for this old jack...”

He glanced at the sliver of light coming from beneath the door and watched as it inched its way to solid black, the groaning sound coinciding with every movement. There was a split second that he considered diving for the floor, trying to get under but he knew he'd very likely not make it. He would get caught beneath the weight of the door and that would undoubtedly hurt worse than staying inside in the pitch black. No, if the door was going to close, better that he be standing upright out of harm's way. Relatively, anyway.

“Doctor Reid, if that door...”

BAM. It was almost comedic, the timing of the jack giving beneath the weight of the heavy rusted door, drowning out his voice entirely. The crashing unsettled a number of nests, tiny squeals and chattering, scurrying sounds bombarded his heightened senses and filled him with a dread unlike anything he'd ever known. Almost instantly and with fresh panic, Reid began pounding his fists against the door as if it might give. Hotch coughed at the plumes of dust and mouse droppings that caught hold in the hot wet air.

“Reid...” he hacked, throwing his arm up over his face. “Stop. Please. Stop hitting the door...”

The noise stopped, but the dust seemed to remain suspended around him. “Are you alright in there?”

“I'm fine Reid. I'm already in here, I might as well start looking...go get help. The security station isn't far...get some water and find someone who can get me out of here quickly.”

Hotch stood for a moment, gathering himself for the second time. He'd almost been there the first time, almost had it...now he had to get it back. The boxes, the contents of the boxes. He didn't need to worry about the furniture, the tattered couch that was more than likely a kingdom for the rodents who inhabited this space. Reid fumbled with the keys, glancing from the closed door to the car and couldn't stop thinking about the rats and diseases they carried, spider bites or Hotch being buried under an avalanche of shit inside. He hadn't been on this team long but he knew very well that Hotch would say he was fine even if he'd been hurt and his mind was turning over all of the possibilities when he heard the other man's voice again.

“Reid?”

“I'm here.”

“I told you to go get help. I'd like to get out of here with some urgency, okay?” He paused and cleared his throat, steadied himself against a large box. He was starting to feel faint already, the heat was getting to him quickly. “It's hot in here.” He said it more to himself than anything, but something about the tone of his voice, the sudden weariness shocked Reid into action. Driving like his own life depended on it, he worried about Hotch dying of heat stroke, and if he did survive, he was surely going to be fired for allowing this to happen. There were a million scenarios in which Reid could see himself having avoided the whole thing, he knew very well that jack wouldn't hold the weight of the door for as long as they were expecting, he should have said something. But the rats...he couldn't think past the rats.

Absurdly, Hotch found his hair to be the most frustrating thing he was up against. It was too long, Haley had been hounding him to cut it for weeks now but there was something in the freedom of not giving in, of letting it go...until now. Hanging limp and wet in his eyes, tickling behind his ears, he couldn't tell what was his hair and what was a spider...or worse. It was maddening to the point of distraction, pushing it away from his face in order to dig through cockroach nest filled boxes of costume clothing. There were moments he wished he was in pitch black, seeing was worse than blindness when he shifted clothes out of the way and felt the scamper of roaches over his hand, diving further into the box, away from the light he now held between his teeth so he could dig with both hands. Quickly, he bent down and tucked his pants into his socks, trying to will his hands to stop shaking. The light bouncing through the webs was making him feel queasy.

He squinted and tried to hold himself upright against a large box; his knees wobbled like jelly beneath his weight. Sight black and then bright bursts of white and sprays of fireworks, he swayed and swiped at the sweat on his brow though it no longer seemed to help...his shirt was just as wet as his face. His vision blurred on blue and gray wool and he found himself dropping hard to his knees, spilling the contents of a box around him. Unsure how long he'd been in the storage unit, he called out to Reid with no answer.

It was like being on another planet. Deprived of everything he took for granted, fresh air and sky and applying sight and sound to one another, he was disoriented and sick. He leaned heavily against the boxes and closed his eyes, focusing momentarily on breathing. The heat was oppressive, settled wet like mud in his lungs. His mind wandered away from the locker briefly and he remembered Sean telling him about a mission trip he took to somewhere in Chile, he and the group of young men he was with descending into ancient wet caverns and hollering at the stalactites and stalagmites, listening to the reverberations of their voices. They weren't supposed to make so much noise, it was dangerous, but leave it to Sean and his friends to test the strength of nature. Were his towers of boxes stalactites or stalagmites? He tried to remember the little rhymes and word games from school to remember which was which, but his mind felt slippery and wet, the moment a thought lit up it was washed away. His flashlight flickered and he thought about bats...why the fuck was he thinking about bats? Flashlight up, to the ceiling, and predictably he saw nothing but metal beams and fluorescent lights that had long since burned out. Even if he could turn them on, he was certain that would make it all worse. Better to be in the dark.

He'd lost track of time, but managed to pull his way through four stacks of boxes before Reid returned with the security guard who assured them help was on its way. He had more jacks, but didn't trust them to do much good. It was going to take some heavy machinery.

“Hotch?” Reid asked, worried sick. Hotch groaned and pressed his grime coated hand miserably to his face.

“Yeah. I'm here.”

“Are you alright?”

“Don't worry about me,” he muttered, pushing back up onto his knees with the little strength his muscles still possessed. His mouth was desert dry, his head throbbing mercilessly and he wasn't even sure he was sweating anymore so much as just wet from the air. He felt like he was swimming. “Reid. It's just...a lot of clothes. Boxes and boxes...of prop muskets and hats and costumes..." he paused a moment to try and catch his breath, talking was hard. He could scarcely breathe. "If I had to guess I'd say our guy's really into Civil War reenactment...red and blue and gray, you know? Not cheap either, this is wool...”

In Reid's contemplative silence, Hotch felt his stomach twist and flop. There was a flicker of a tail against his hand and he gasped, sucked in a mouthful of the stagnant swampy air and felt his stomach roll. Reid listened from outside the door as Hotch was sick, a violent sound that seemed to echo through the metal, and he blinked hard against the feeling of regret, of deep fear that Hotch was going to die in there. “Hotch?”

“I'm fine...” Hotch gasped painfully, sliding away from the mess. It wasn't going to help him; the smell was overwhelmingly worse. He was, briefly, thankful that he hadn't eaten breakfast.

Reid was silent, suddenly lost in thought. Hotch rummaged through another box on the ground, unable to stand up any longer. He was too dizzy to see straight, most of it felt like a dream. His breathing had gone shallow and the world tipped on its side, rocked beneath him. “Give me some direction, Reid...what am I looking for? What do you need?”

“Are there any notebooks? What do the tags inside the costumes say? Maybe...” his voice trailed off and Hotch curled around himself while he waited, barely registering that Reid was speaking to him. He hugged his arms to the deep ache in his chest, his lungs filled with sludge. “Anything that says where he...” Another long pause and Hotch groaned, letting his chin drop to his chest miserably.

“Reid...” he was pleading now.

“I've got it. I...can't explain it but I need my maps...”

Hotch pulled his knees to his chest and sighed. “Go. I'm not going anywhere, they'll get me out with or without you. If you have what you need, go back to the precinct. Call Jason and let him know what's going on.”

By the time the door was ripped open and light flooded the storage locker, Hotch was barely awake. He blinked slowly and squinted into the intense afternoon light, watched as one figure solidified in the mist. Arms waving, voice high above the din of engines (BACK UP! THIS IS EVIDENCE! DO NOT TOUCH ANYTHING!) and other disembodied voices and he fell back into the boxes in an attempt to get his hands under him, to push himself upright. Hands hooking under his arms helped him upright when his legs failed, giving out the minute he was vertical. He felt himself fall into the other person completely. Sandalwood and citronella (mosquito repellant...swamps...), Morgan.

“Let's go,” Morgan said softly, dragging him a few steps before realizing that Hotch's legs weren't going to hold his weight. Without missing a beat, he hunched low and lifted Hotch into his arms, struggled only briefly under the weight of the other man. He stumbled forward, careful not to disturb the boxes or step on fleeing vermin.

The hospital was air conditioned, and that was the first real clear thought Hotch registered as he came to. There was air flowing against his skin, swirling around the icepacks on his head and neck, against his abdomen and legs. The IV in his arm felt cold, ice flowing into his veins. It was the first time he could remember not feeling immediately agitated in a hospital.

“Hey you,” Morgan said, announcing himself from where he sat nearby picking at the gauze bandages around his ankles. “I got a bone to pick with you.”

“Mmm...” Hotch hummed, turning to face him slowly. His body ached under the ice and all he could think about was a glass of water. Tall, icy water. “You complaining? Never...” His voice was slurred and slow. Morgan laughed, approaching the bed. He held out a cup full of shaved ice and spooned a small amount into his mouth, listened to Hotch crunch it happily. His strained voice was at odds with his nurturing.

“I walked through a damn swamp," he started, offering another spoonful of ice. Hotch's tongue was wet and cold, lips almost delightfully numb. "Got all sorts of nasty cuts and bites, my arms were mosquito food and let's not talk about the fuckin' leeches on my ankles...but no, you gotta one up me after all of that huh?”

“Sorry.” His smile said he wasn't, though, and Morgan knew it. He didn't mind, really.

“Where's Reid?”

“Last I heard, he was saying something about looking for a new job...”

Hotch smiled at that and closed his eyes against the pounding in his head. “French fries,” he muttered, changing the topic. The ice felt nice but he was starving and all he wanted was something greasy and salty. It was Morgan's turn to laugh. “I want a huge pile of french fries.” Morgan knew very well they'd be sharing the fries, Hotch would poke at a few of them and he would end up finishing them. It wasn't such a bad deal in the end.

“Yeah. I know. Just relax while they ice you down and we'll get your damn fries on the way back to the hotel.”

#aaron hotchner #spencer reid #derek morgan #criminal minds #fanfiction

[loominggaia]

How’s your health and the renovations going?

Thanks for asking! Health-wise I'm doing better than I have in years. Still definitely have problems going on (I fainted at the post office like a week ago...not fun) but a hell of a lot better than I was, say, a year ago.

Renovations are slow and steady. Our main roadblocks right now are money and bad weather. If it weren't for all the generous donations you guys gave a while back, I'd seriously be up shit creek without a paddle. My car still needs some work but since I took it to the mechanic it's at least running now, which is essential out here in the country. You guys really saved my ass. Thank you again.

We can't afford to work on the house just yet (it needs to be totally gutted, which we can't do while my mom's still living there) so for now we're focusing on the outside of the property. I'll have more pictures when the weather clears up, but here's a list of what we've accomplished so far:

-At least 100 bags of trash removed from the house. ($120 for dump fees, the rest of the trash we just burned)

-4 box trucks full of junk hauled out of the yard. ($1k for service)

-3 leaning trees cut down. ($1.5k for equipment and labor)

-6 mice e-rat-icated. ($40 for reusable traps)

-At least 10 pickup truck's worth of yard waste and sticks burned. (free, did it all ourselves)

-Another pickup truck's worth of firewood salvaged and stacked. (free)

-70-year-old cabin completely renovated and made livable, including laying conduit for electricity and internet. ($2k)

-Lawn reseeded. ($20)

-Rescued the barn from bramble overgrowth. Brambles were cut and removed from all sides, including the roof. ($40 for tools)

-Brambles also removed from the back half of the house. They were growing into the foundation and damaging the siding. (free)

-Pavers laid between muddy patch between house and cabin, as it was a major slipping hazard ($200)

-Invested in portable black tanks for RV so it doesn’t have to be pumped as often ($650. Now I’m paying 50/month for pumping service instead of 150 which saves a ton of money in the long run)

-Lots of random cleaning, maintenance, and foliage pruning.

URGENT TO-DO LIST:

-Get brakes on my car fixed ($100-$200 probably)

-Get mom's car fixed (no idea how much that shit will cost)

-Get the house's septic tank pumped ($600 or more depending on how bad it is. Apparently hasn't been done in 20 YEARS...)

-Get a carport to protect the RV I'm currently living in ($5,500)

-Bury the water line to the RV ($100-ish for conduit and many hours of horrible digging I'm not looking forward to)

-RV skirting to keep pipes from freezing/keep critters out ($1k-ish probably because I'm going to use salvaged materials as much as possible)

-Redo the plumbing in mom's bathroom because her sink pipes keep exploding and the toilet keeps overflowing (Going to cost several thousand, I don't even want to think about it...)

-Getting a proper foundation under the cabin. (At least $2k)

-Solar panels to cut down electric bill because utilities are fucking insane in this area ($1k)

LESS URGENT TO-DO LIST:

-Gut the house down to the studs (Going to do as much as we can ourselves, but we'll still have to pay a few thousand for help)

-Demolish parts of the house and rebuild what we can ($20k-$50k, probably more)

-Remove fallen trees from the yard ($500 for chainsaw + gas)

-Cut back the rest of the bramble menace (Won't cost money, just a shitload of time and hard labor)

-Cut down a few more concerning trees (Some of these we can do ourselves, others will cost a few thousand to hire a professional)

-Put a support beam in the garage and fix the roof because it’s collapsing and becoming a serious safety hazard ($5k probably)

*

The combined income of my household is less than 2k/month. It is going to take a LONG time to accomplish even a small fraction of this stuff unless we happen to fall into some serious money.

Every little bit helps. If you would like to contribute to this monster project, you can donate via Paypal to [email protected]

Or buy stuff from my shop.

Or buy a print copy of the first LG book.

Or order a commission.

I'll keep you guys updated on what we accomplish here on the property! Thank you so much!

#ask #askmeta

[theorist-influencer-untitled]

2.20.24 Tuesday

1:40 am

I still have windblow.... I feel fat and ugly. I need to diet...

11:48 am

I still have windblow... I feel fat and ugly... Rest day today and tomorrow and an another tomorrow... I need to recover something in the house like cleaning something here coz we can't afford to hire an assistant these days...

John needs to take a bath... What else? We have rats here and one of my major problems... Plus, I'm putting a remedy on my pimples and on my bug bite that I got from Conduent. I'm 100% sure the bugs bites, I got it from Conduent. Before I got the suspension letter, I suddenly felt a sting and itch at my back, someone bitten me there in Conduent.

12:03 noon

I just wanna rest for awhile then apply again coz it made me feel irritated if I wasn't able to get a j.o or job offer... I'm so stress... I need money and sure money and money on maintenance.

I still feel frustrated... Aging for nothing... Can't fulfill my dream to buy starbucks everyday. Still trying to get my momentum to do my abs but I still need to clean here and wash stuff like my clothes. So, many problems here in the house. Lack of money and lack of fundings...

12:19 noon

Stop returning the past....I'm masturbating a "lawson talk".... I'm thinking of penis that I want. You can't say an old salute!

Anyways, I'm happy I got my straw cover... Here it is!!!

1:04 pm

1:45 pm

I feel bitterish.... I wanted to do gluta shots and lasers... I feel so ugly and fat...

I still have windblow... I wanna buy herbal life... There are plastics around me... I don't have a job yet, I don't want to share...

Why, will I sacrifice to be ugly for 17 years... I don't want to sacrifice, I deserve to go up.. I don't want to sacrifice.

Did Mitch give a simple battery on me???

I don't like Uno and his entire family. Why, should I sacrifice for them???

I need to get a job and I wanna do a nose perfection.

I need to get a job and money...

4:09 pm

Done,disinfecting the living room/ our bedroom then bathroom then the kitchen... Shit!

How can I kill the rats??? Where did it come from? Weird! I always clean in a way coz I'm fucking tired... These rats came from outside...

I wanna travel and do gluta... I feel fat and ugly...

5:20 pm

The frying utensil is gone plus the red heart cup of John....The black frying plastics utensil,the one that has a cat design at the handle...

6:45 pm

I still have windblow... I need a job and money....I feel bitter...

#Youtube

[inscatternovelimonabc]

What things is s*** who would cover the stain things like it's rising the amount of money is going to live in the world where you get arrested and you don't need your money we give you s*** its job is to remind you of s*** like that it's the princess you're a homeless kid for Chelsea we're thinking it does and it's aint you it's rich and famous and world called pit doesn't have freedoms hour it loses in the world it makes good for freedom because the the princess from your novel what do you want her to do start dancing account robust to the middle world she came because if you need more wolf fortune adventures what you were something what do you think that she's going to do cause she's sexy what what's going to happen with these things when you start f****** when you get up to 100 or 400 where do they find out when they find out what when if I had like the institution things over you're going to be out of that but what wouldn't do afterward so you could get the body things out from like the adderall like project and I think it's OK to be OK wait when you get a 500 when you go in towards the 35 it will Yes she she she she's not like the liberal Democrat where's the Republican and all of we're wrong when I'm asking you we don't like the democrats you know you're republicans you don't like to Communist who do you like do you like I just like bowl baby bowl I like baby bowl and have no problem with it do we have the dealer and be to give a Coke I didn't usually Bap Bap butt butt butt butt butt butt butt butt butt butt butt butt butt butt butt butt butt butt butt butt butt butt butt butt butts are talking Spanish like kantiru kaka khaki khaki khaki khaki we don't know but I only know you see it sometimes won't send you see what's happened to people you taking freedom machine and then the poor old thing a rat while it will be starting up just one way digitally it aint wood on the board with Kiki church I don't know why you did this I talk to you all the time and quit bound in you're gonna put a bottle of kids and when you're broken in a hat to get me out of the wall I'll get out of this but won't you have Regan's ask a rattle she gotta rule 14 probably Christopher things have her gets inside things that were And Pitt did try party who knows prem strong we don't know Sydney we're freedom it's a fight to be free to brief and jail breathing his juice and I don't know why it did this to me I don't know this is the 3 years of available lost in the world there's not even buildings if you won't grab up the steelers disappears you won't go to jail just turn into a pit you havet's it the wind breaks it's really just steering around riggas that's all cause I tell you why you do this man and name a groupta what do you do I'm gonna ruin my father why are you done this if you had technician there's ATV show going on what do you think goes out of my mind with the TV show 23 you would send the apartment who knows it's made of house kitchen was 184 structure the most frightening thing you've ever seen they made it for me and to replace with last night's the police that Google But Rita's showing him a house no more she's usually at 1:20 so we're holding to kick it up while you'll do it you'll making about Riga sad

[rumbleonthemill]

I'm once again back from the dead, just to push this post up in the ass of haters and members of the tumblr cancel culture (quote from my friend)

I'm only reacting on the pedo part, everything else is my own fucking business.

I've got a message from a friend at the worst time possible, to say the least. I was once again shittalked behind my back and called a p€dophile along with the 90% of the old, first generation Hello neighbor fandom.

//Still can't believe how toxic some of you are, and some people even smiled to my face, then stabbed me in the back... I don't need your fucking likes, go and unlike my posts, NOW. You have time, I see! @loszeged looking at you, i did see your comment.//

Friends who accidentally read this, pardon my words, I'll get to that later. I'm just so tired.

I'm once again and for the last time stating for literal idiots, like @da-radio-starz and yes, even attempting to tag them, even though I'm blocked; I'm not a rat to shittalk people behind their back ((also..I do not know you, can you fucking move on and get a life?! Just get the fuck out of my blog, you toxic hater))

I personally NEVER shipped anything that involves a kid and an adult. Never. Never in life.

I don't ship shit like that.

Congrats for STEALING drawings* and putting them on your shitty instagram powerpoint document! Without asking people's permission if you can use them! Who's guilty now, bitch?:D

((correction; they stole other artists' drawings, mine were stolen by an amino fan. Still, using pics without permission))

You're making your own AU's..and you don't allow others to have their own? Laughing my ass off.

I have exactly zero respect towards people, who behave like that. Toxic and abusive. Can't fucking move on from things you hate..sicko.

And this person was talking about abuse..

I have* (*had!) my own reasons to ship this ship. I'm still having good memories about Neighbor x Player, even if your cancel culture is trying to ruin it. I made good friends, we shared ideas, we were creative. For me, the active shipping lasted for like....two months. Then I left tumblr, where people had ➡️no idea ⬅️about the father and son storyline, when the ship was born((the father son things is why I'll forever respect the creators. They created something more, something above the fandom. A story that is perfect and acceptable for everyone. Respect. That's why I stopped actively shipping them. Some people didn't, despite knowing this fact. Just saying. And once again; AU stories exist. It's a FANdom)) back then, for tumblr: It was two grown men, one house, chasing. No relation. That's the plot of 100% of the fanfics. Before you shit on people, at least do some research, bitch?

I had friends who also shipped them, for longer than me. I support my friends, I'm not telling them what to ship and what not. End of story.

I always kept myself away from people who may have shipped them in the mentioned unhealthy way, that's.. Not an option. But I can tell this 100 times, toxic idiots like you won't understand. Skill issues.

😸

And now the reason why I want to k✝️ll myself aka commit $uicide, before any of you connect these events together. I'm going to tell, even though it's not your fucking business, what I submit on my tumblr, is my own, subjective thing. If you keep visiting me, despite blocking, then you have big problems, kid. Go get therapy.

Especially, because it's been seven years since real life shit is on my back and I'm trying to smile, while I just really can't. I've been diagnosed with depression, which reached it's final state last year. I'm perhaps past attempts to end my own career on earth. 98% of my depression can be thanked to real life events.

Go on with reading, bitch! You literally shit time, based on this behavior.

Obviously the bitch part is for the haters.

The reason I have left the community is nothing, but people's toxic behavior. Your bitch ass hate on us was just cherry on top.

Remi once shipped two grown men who had zero relation in her stories and fanarts?! Call 9 fucking 11 motherfucker!

Where I live, you can't get psychologist, who may cure whatever you have. I'll once again say, I have depression. Just depression. I tried to ask for help, I'm past seven people who have PHD in psychology, some were even crazier than I ever was. I'm as crazy as Neighbor in the games. Literally not. It's actually hilarious. And during that time I didn't ✂ myself and didn't want to end the fight. These come before the final level of depression.

In short; I was completely left alone, abused and bullied by family members (still current) unable to find a job despite having multiple diplomas, shit like that. Being no hope in the world, I'm more capable of having retuning $uicidal depression. And yes, it returns whenever I'm feeling down.

You know, if maybe you weren't hating on others and you were listening to the REAL plot of HN, then you wouldn't see Neighbor as the son of Hitler and Stalin, by the way. Because some people's views on Neighbor is just hilarious. You're missing the main message of the game.

Side note, I'm against dictatures, before you find another thing to bully me for.

I hope you're now happy that you're literally kicking people who are already laying on the floor. Congratulations to everyone, who's teaming up with you and being toxic, abusive and shittalking others, and supporting them against people, who did nothing wrong, only liked something and were passionate about it. From my point, I can safely say I played by the rules. No p€dophilia, no incest.

I hope one day you'll get your ass up from your chair and stop bullying others for what they like. Also learn to block people and ignore what you don't like. I keep doing this for years! It's absolutely a thing that can be completed.

To my friends: thanks for reading?

To bullies and toxic people: lick my ass. I'm so fucking tired of having this in literally every fandom nowadays. You bitches are sick and shitting time. Mind your own fucking business.

Ps- I won't write more posts in the topic. Go and fucking argue with yourself. I'm done. I have a little left to live perhaps. Go and hate on yourself.

#Fuk u honestly bullies #reaction #mdl #uhhhh it still makes me so angry that people harass each other just because they cannot scroll past two posts

[actuallyilya]

Black-Ops Characters I believe would have cats and/or dogs. Also, these are just the Campaign characters + some Warsaw pack characters!!

Dog Only

Lazar, Lazar gives off big cuddly dude vibes™ meaning he would want a pet he could bond with better. Dogs are (usually) very playful and loving. He also CONSTANTLY attracts dogs. I also think he would adopt a Golden Retriever. Idk. Vibes™

Sims, Sims seems like the type of guy who likes being outdoors. Parks, hiking, jogging, etc. So he would 100% rather have a buddy to do those hobbies with, rather than go alone. A bit into his childhood, he had another dog he grew up with from the age of 12 and up, but once he left for school/the CIA, he felt bad, and eventually, the dog died of old age :(. But I do think that he loved that dog very much and no dog would ever come close to the memories he had with him. I think he would adopt a Border Collie.

Woods, Look this mother fucker DISPISES cats. He thinks they're gremlins and refuses to ever pet one he hasn't had a bad experience, just doesn't like them, claims that 'they're satan's little bitches'. He also would rather have a pet that you can call do cuddle, rather than hope not to get scratched. He either would have a German Shepherd or Great Dane. He wants a dog that will make him seem cool 🥶😈 but everyone knows that man is a sweetheart.

Hudson, He is most definitely a dog person, He does not care about the dogs are better than cats argument. 'It's an idiotic argument, Besides, we all know dogs are better'. His dog is a family dog, she's very friendly to anyone who comes by Woods, Mason, etc and she loves his kids. At first, Hudson hated the idea of having a dog, it would be a liability, but he was the first person who genuinely fell in love with the dog. He would have a German Shepard, who is military trained because he wants to protect his family.

Knight, Look, with the very little of the information we know about him, I GENUINELY think this man would have a dog. We know he's a little on the bad side, but still, he needs some friends. Even if the friend is a dog. He would probably adopt a Kangel Shepard. Also, he loves to play with his dog very often and is super protective of the dog.

Okay, now to the people who would have cats!

Park, Look, Park is like those people who sit in front of a window with a computer/notes in front of her while her cat calmly sits in front of her sleeping or sunbathing. Okay? I love her to pieces and I know damn well she would get along better with cats than dogs. She has actually argued with Woods about it a lot. She would also have a Chartreux

"Suck it Park! Dogs are the best pets, they won't kill ya in your sleep!"

"Woods, Cats' cleanliness makes up for more than a few scratches here and there, unlike dogs who like to sit in their own filth."

Mason enjoys silence, dogs do not give silence, they are loud and he prefers cats overall, He has had his cat for a while, a few years before David joined the military, his home felt empty, He knew he had always been rough on Mason but the cat gave them a small bonding experience, Although he loved the cat, it caused an argument between him and woods (It wasn't an end-the-friendship argument but when they're drunk they definitely argue) He would have a Birman, he also heavily enjoys cuddling with a cat.

Wraith, She strikes me as those people who genuinely love working with cats or at shelters, maybe she had a cat growing up, maybe she worked at a shelter before she went all Warsaw pact. But regardless, knowing she can't stay in one place forever, she still tries to still somewhat work at shelters, she isn't open about it because it caused an agreement between her and Knight. However, he always had a friend tag along with her while going to the shelters. She wouldn't own any pets, but her favorite breed would be Burmese cats "their fur is a black as my soul"

Stitch, This guy just loves cats, As a young kid, he didn't really have many friends, he usually kept to himself, as a result, he would wander areas a lot, during one of his walks, he found an injured cat, He nursed the cat back to health and kind-of kept this side of himself a secret as his father was very 'men do the work while women stay at home' luckily it never rubbed off on him. However, Just like Wraith, he tagged along to the shelters, he didn't wear the gas mask, but a lot of his scars showed, but he found out the cats/kittens were less scared of him if he just showed his face. Although he has an edgy feel, he loves Maine coons, they are very gentle, friendly, and very intelligent (As you can see, you can tell who is my favorite Warsaw pact operator)

Who would have BOTH cats and dogs.

Adler, look this motherfucker does not want to admit that he loves both cats or dogs. He easily gets attached to animals, cats, dogs, the whole sha-bang. So either/or, He loves dogs because he enjoys working with them, such as training, jogging, etc. (Sims stopped going running with him after Sims adopted his dog, but Adler knew he couldn't be responsible for a dog knowing he's always out on missions). But he also loves cats, he loves how majestic they are, when they purr, kneed, etc. He loves it. He occasionally invites himself to Park's house to spend time with her cat, not even with her. Park doesn't mind as she knows she now has a free cat-sitter. If Adler could, He would have a Great Dane and for a cat, he would have a Bengal Cat

Naga, Over the course of his life, Naga has worked with tons of dogs. He had always appreciated them helping him in his line of work. Whether they helped him weed out a rat amongst his men, or helped make sure no one was stealing profit, I think he heavily enjoys their company. Naga has always been a little intimidating, But with a cat by his side, even more, on his lap, on his desk, such a tiny animal had so much subtle power. If the cat had a problem with you, he had a problem with you, He even decided he enjoyed having a dog so much, he adopted a dog, luckily, after a few months of trying, they both got along and peacefully sit in his office. He would defiantly adopt a Donskoy Sphynx, and for a dog, he would adopt a Cane Corso, mostly for weather reasons.

Perseus, owns both a cat and a dog, rarely going out for rough missions, he can have two pets in his life and properly take care of them, His current dog, a Siberian Huskey (perfect for the current climate) he's had for five years, his cat, a Korat, he's had for three years. He occasionally takes them both into his office as to not have lonely days, on the days he has to either a) leave fast such as for safety, Stitch, Wraith, and Knight were made responsible as they are his trustable people.

Finally, Bell. Bell loves both of them and never really owned any animals, while working for the CIA, they had a knack for attracting animals while going for walks, they usually arrived with one or two animals, even birds! Mostly kittens and puppies, but even the impossible is possible for them. Woods and Mason found this hilarious and tried not to fall in love with the animals (even if they were there for a short amount of time) Adler or Park always had to be the one to take the animal out of their hands because he knew no work would get done and a rule had to be implemented so it wouldn't happen again (news flash, it did happen, very often)

Solovetsky Ending: let's just say Adler didn't shoot Bell, Adler would take Bell to shelters and would even go with them to save stray (injured) animals. The two actually grew very close and it sort of became a hobby. Adler got his taste of animals and Bell go to feel happy for a few hours, they both learned a lot. After one night of dinner, they found a stray kitten with no family around, they waited an hour to try and see if the mom would come back since It didn't, They took in the kitten, it was an off-day for the workers, so they nursed the kitten for like four days before having to give it up to the shelter.

Duga Ending: After Perseus took Bell in, let's just say the same thing happened, they weren't allowed to be on the field because they weren't mentally able to handle war and risk of being kidnapped so they kind of stuck around the area, although it was rare, abandoned animals did sometimes appear. The first time it happened. Bell was wearing a large coat and returned freezing with only a t-shirt on. Perseus was at the front gate, waiting for some of the operators to come back, but instead, they returned, freezing, a small fluff ball was in their hands while they were slowly developing hypothermia.

"Bell?! What the hell are you doing without a coat?!"

"I-I know, B-But I-I saved a dog."

#Call of duty #black ops cold war #call of duty black ops #call of duty black ops cold war #cod cold war #cod bo cw #bo:cw #eleazar lazar azoulay #lawrence sims #frank woods #helen park #jason hudson #roman knight gray #alex mason #freya wraith helvig #vikhor stitch kuzmin #russell adler #kapano naga vang #mythos #cod bell #I wokred on this for like an hour ahaha

[a-tired-reader-100]

Lab Rats Rewritten (S3 EP 20- S4 FINALE)

20. Bionic Houseparty

Everything in the episode stays the same except for the characters finding out about the bionic soldiers (ex: Leo saves Donald’s life, he almost dies, they’re saved, the President agreed to them being trained, the creation of Bionic Island)

Things I’m bringing in this episode that were not included in canon: Eddy, the aging ray (the one from the episode where Donald was de-aged mentally), Chase’s sweet S1 personality, Chebastian friendship, Spin and Bob introduction, S-1 (Taylor) introduction

Bree and Chase are waiting for Adam in the lab, and all three find out that the bionic soldiers think Adam is their leader. As this happens, Eddy pops up and scares them.

Bionic soldiers get ready to attack his server but stop as soon as Adam shouts “STOP! He’s a friend” (“More like the unwanted neighbor, only digitally,” Bree mutters to Chase.)

Eddy only makes fun of the trio and urge the other bionic soldiers to continue being chaotic, showing them past and new inventions, one of them being the ray that caused Mr. Davenport to be a teen and a toddler mentally.

Bob (S-99)(Going to keep calling him Bob) makes his first appearance and accidentally fires the aging ray towards Chase, who turns back into 15-year old Chase from Season 1.

As Bree freaks out, Adam doesn’t understand the problem yet (“Oh no,” Bree said horrified. “This is bad. Not only do we have to explain why the same bionic soldiers who tried to kill us 24 hours ago are partying upstairs, now we have to deal with a Chase that doesn’t remember anything about the real world!”)

“Ah! Who are you? And how did you do that?” Chase said hysterically as S-3 suddenly appeared in front of him. “Wait, how did you get past Mr. Davenport?” S-3 looked at him in curiosity. “We met like half an hour ago but um, I’m S-3. I geo-leaped here? And whose Mr. Davenport? Oh, and me and siblings followed that smart guy over there.”

As soon as Chase sees Bree and Adam, he faints and Bob catches him. (“Wow, he’s really light,” Bob commented and looked up at S-3. “Really?” S-3 tugged Chase out of Bob’s arms and shifted to carry him bride-style. “Huh, it’s like carrying one of those things our leader called pillows.”

Bree and Adam are still arguing about Chase’s situation until the President rings in. Adam tells the bionic soldiers to follow him and leads them upstairs, S-3 still carrying Chase while conversing with Bob about S-100 (Spin). (“Has S-100 arrived yet?” S-3 asked. Bob looks at him blankly. “I don’t think so?”)

Back in the living room, Chase snaps awake and screams as soon as he sees other people in the house. S-3 drops him in surprise and Chase uses his agilities to do graceful backflip and lands on his feet. (“Who are you people?” He demands and activates his force field. “Oh,” Sebastian raises his arm and summons his laser pitchfork, a faint red light illuminating. “Are we showing off our bionics? Love the shield by the way.” Chase drops his in shock. “You’re bionic!?” S-3 looks at him, unsure of what to do next. “Man, that beam really did a number on you, didn’t it? My brothers and sisters are all bionic,” a random person passes by carrying pastries, “Here, maybe this will calm your nerves.”

After a bit of prompting, Chase begins stuffing himself with treats and goes on a suger-high chaos spree. S-3 and a few of the other soldiers start inviting him into party activities, slowly ruining the house furniture and walls.

Bob reunites with S-100 (Spin) who asks him where the bathroom is. (This is the last time we see both of them until the next episode.)

Bree runs up to the living room and panics even more, asking Adam where Chase is. Just then S-3 opens the door and introduces more bionic soldiers, S-1 being at the front of the group.

Adam takes advantage of her not remembering him to flirt with her but groans in frustration when S-1 quickly notices Chase, whose surfing the crowd on an actual surfboard, and runs off to him. (“Man, even when she doesn’t remember anything, she still likes Chase!” Adam complained.)

“Bionic House Party!” Chase screamed, S-1, S-3 and S-2 hoisting him up on their soldiers.

“Who cares?” Chase laughed as he flung an arm around S-3, who smiled at him. Bree scoffed. “You do! You know, considering how upright you were back at this age, you should be taking this more seriously.” “Sugar,” Chase giggled as he chased after a teen who was carrying goodies. “Oh no,” realization dawned upon her. “He’s on a sugar-high! This could not get worse!”

Leo, Tasha, and Mr. Davenport show up and the plot continues as shown in the show with saving Leo.

Episode continues with Chase still being de-aged mentally but burning out from his sugar spree.

“What happened to Chase?” Mr. Davenport questioned as he noticed him sitting on top of the desk, a blanket wrapped around him and a bucket in his lap. Chase gags and begins to throw up in it. S-3 patted Leo on the back before heading towards Chase with a concerned look.

“About that,” Bree inched away. “He might’ve been hit with your aging ray.” “WHAT?” He and Tasha screamed. Bree faced away from them before pointing at Eddy. “It was Eddy’s fault!” “Uh oh,” Eddy said before shutting down.

Episode ends with Mr. Davenport explaining about relocating to Bionic Island.

Will continue to edit this every day until I’m done

21. First Day of Bionic Academy

One thing I had hoped to see during the Bionic Island arc was for Spike to come out more often since Chase was almost always stressed out, anxious, and embarrassed at the end of Season 3 and all of Season 4. Thus, Spike will also show up, his appearances foreshadowing something bigger.

Due to Chase acting different at the party in the previous episode, some of the students at the island won’t take him seriously, including those he’s supposed to be mentoring.

Episode starts with the main cast arriving to the island. Difference starts with Chase slung over Adam’s shoulder, groaning and pale.

22. Adam Steps Up

23. Unauthorized Mission

#lab rats #lab rats season 3 #episode fix it #season 3 fix it #lab rats sebastian #sebastian/s 1 #chase davenport #bree davenport #adam davenport #donald davenport #lab rats eddy #sebastianxchase friendship #for now

[rogue-durin-16]

MATCHUP FOR:

Anon

she/her, 24 years old, 5'7, blonde hair in a bob, blue eyes. I have one small tattoo just above my pelvis, I might get more but idk. I think I come off as the hilarious friend in my group because a lot of them have told me that. I'm also very caring, but tough and don't like to be crossed. I can be a little paranoid at times, especially about people doing me wrong. I have been in the marines for the past 3 years and currently get to live in Abu Dhabi :D I don't know my mbti anymore, but my enneagram is 7w6. I am a total gym rat; I love working out and feeling good about myself. I also love fashion, music, and trying out new coffee shops. It's hard for me to save money sometimes because I love to travel a lot. I'm also in school part time for healthcare management. Thank you!!

From Band Of Brothers I Ship You With:

C. Carwood "Lip" Lipton

Ship dynamic:

The Parents™

Quote:

«Houses are not homes, we're not made of bricks and stones. Home is you and me.»

You're the caretakers of the Company, which automatically draws you together, specially in places like Bastogne boiii did you two have it bad in Bastogne.

Dream Team when it comes to making decisions and thinking what's best for the Company.

You make Lipton laugh a lot, and he appreciates that to a level you can't even begin to understand.

You two workout together, it's a scientifically proven fact. Look at that man's arms, he likes to work out I just know.

Hyping each other up while you run Currahee. Not in a loud way, more like running side by side and whispering encouraging words.

Unspoken conversations with just your eyes. For example, someone in the company may be acting extremely cheeky or loud and Lipton will look at you with a sigh like "what do I even do with him", only for you to look back at him like "let it be, he'll shut up eventually."

Most of the times, you two are notspeaking about Luz. He's your problem child and you two love him for that.

Scolding each other for being too much of a caretaker and forgetting to properly take care of yourself is your brand.

Easy Company boys will sometimes refer to you as Mom and to Lipton as Dad. The terms can be exchanged and will be exchanged more often than not.

Bonus if whenever someone goes talking about you two as mom and dad (example: "dad keeps scolding mom today"), you two blush because OH MY GOD YOU'RE NOT TOGETHER LET ALONE MARRIED AND WITH CHILDREN.

You two probably get together pretty later on, roughly between Haguenau and Thalem.

Maybe it was because you two were too busy taking care of more important matters rather than listening to your heart.

Or maybe because you two were low-key scared of making a move for several reasons, your life being constantly on the line being one of them.

Not lots of PDA, but forehead touches and falling asleep on each other's shoulders are your usual kind of physical touch.

Also lots of him tucking your hair behind your ear. SPECIALLY BEFORE YOU TWO GET TOGETHER.

He helps you with the paranoia part. Look at him. Look at him and tell me he wouldn't successfully reassure you about ABSOLUTELY ANYTHING.

You two slow dance when you're alone listening to a vinyl. I'm not saying either of you know how to do it properly, I'm just saying you do for the hell of it.

Lip was so shocked when he found out you had a tattoo like this 👁️👄👁️ was probably his face.

He loves it and would 100% encourage you to get more.

Lipton helps you save money. This man is good with finances, we all need a Lipton in our lives.

Not only that, he'll make sure you two have enough money to travel from time to time without having to idk sell a kidney to do it.

You two know the coziest, prettiest coffeeshops, because everytime you go grab coffee in a different one, therefore you two have explored all hidden establishments of your area.

#i was dying to ship someone with Lipton #band of brothers i ship you with #band of brothers matchup #carwood lipton

[whump-town]

BAU Pool Fic

I wrote @davidrossi-ismydad bau pool fic... it’s 3,000 words bro I took it way too far

“Jack Attack!” Emily Prentiss finds herself with an armful of overly excited five-ear-old. “How are you doing baby?” She brushes a strand of his hair back from his face, rubbing in a spot of sunscreen on his temple. She loves all her nephews. They’re her maternal outlet and Jack just eats it up. Even if that does crush both her and Hotch. 

Jack smiles broadly, “I’m super!” He moves, twisting so she can see the floaties on his little arms. “Look!” Jack points on his floaties, “Daddy got me floats with Cap’n ‘merica!” Sure enough, a cartooned Captain America is sitting on his bicep. “Uncle Dave is gonna let us swim!” 

Emily is nodding along, used to his quick pace. She knew about the Captain America floaties last week when Dave first brought up opening the pool. Hotch went from timidly sipping the Scotch Dave gave him to panicked because Target hadn’t gotten in their superhero floaties yet. Of course, in the safety of Dave’s office, she’d chuckled at seeing his DadMode activate. Then she had Garcia show Hotch how to order the floaties online, where they were in-stock.

“I know,” she agrees, trying to match his enthusiasm. “Are you excited to swim?”

Jack nods, “Daddy said he would too!” 

A sigh comes from behind her and Emily turns to find Hotch. He’s got a beach bag over his right shoulder while his left-hand twists his sunglasses by the side. “Buddy, I said I might swim.” He loves his team, really does, but getting in that pool with both sets of ‘the boys’ might be a bit much. That and he has to do his best to keep water out of his ears unless he wants to nurse an ear infection all summer long. 

JJ and Garcia laughter cut through any further conversation, coming in through the side door. Their drinks already in hand, sent by Rossi to greet whoever he heard just pulled in. The two of them had been expecting Emily, she’d sent a text as a ‘heads up’ when she stopped for gas on the way here. It’s just a pleasant surprise to find Hotch and Jack too.

“So, that’s what you’ve been hiding under all those suits.” JJ cocks her head to the side, smirking at Hotch. She, of course, knows about her best friends rocking bods. Everyone has seen Morgan topless, so he’s no big surprise. The real treat in today’s plans was 100% figuring out what Hotch and Reid hid under way too many layers of clothes.

Garcia agrees too, sipping some white fruity white canned alcoholic drink. “You look hot, sir.”

Hotch looks down at himself. He’s wearing a dark green, thin button-down with the sleeves rolled up to his elbows. He hadn’t buttoned the first three buttons, leaving a good bit of his chest visible. His trunks are dark blue and come up just above his knees. They were shorter than what he’d expected when he ordered them but pants are always a problem at his height. So he considered it an overall win they didn’t come up higher. 

Compared to his usual attire around them, he might as well be naked. Not to mention his pale skin which is startlingly bright in the light of Rossi’s parlor. Hot isn’t exactly what he’d seen in the mirror when he’d put it on. Just… clothes. 

“Thank you,” he responds, with a tense smile. He really needs to work on accepting compliments. “Nice… bathing suits.” 

That is the understatement of the year. 

JJ has on a one-piece that cuts up very high on her hips. She’d chosen the color maroon and damn if she wasn’t right about it being her color. It’s cheeky and risky and Garcia was absolutely here for it. Refusing to hear JJ’s excuse she couldn’t pull off bathing suits like this one anymore. She has a mom-bod.

Emily’s rebuttal had been that JJ was right. She does have a mom-bod because JJ is a total MILF.

With two hype-women, JJ had to get the bathing suit.

Garcia’s own is white with red and blue flowers. There’s a perfect triangle cut out between her breast, drawing tasteful attention to them. Her selection had come easy, ‘I don’t need your help on this one. It’s speaking to me’. She too looked killer but saves her boss any grief on his compliment falling short. 

Emily snorts at the comment but covers it up by addressing how her best friends had betrayed her. “Evidently, this year we were going one piece.” Emily gestures to her own body, to the bathing suit she’s hidden under a maxi dress. “I didn’t get the memo.”

Garcia caves first, “babe, we said we were sorry!”

Seeing this as his only ticket to get away from a conversation he has no idea how to be a part of, Hotch extends his hand to Jack. “Come on buddy.” 

Emily puts him down, patting his head as he takes Hotch’s hand and follows his father with a little skip. 

“See daddy,” he says brightly. “I told you, you looked han’some!”

Emily watches them leave, tucking her arms around her body. It’s protective and comforting. She smiles sadly at Jack’s comment, it turning bitterly into a frown

JJ cups Emily’s cheek, “we are sorry.” 

The worst part is, she’s not mad they got one-piece bathing suits. It’s about her own insecurities. JJ has smooth, perfect skin, and Garcia’s gunshot wound makes her look like a badass. The memory is… murky but she’s a fighter because of it. 

Emily’s scars are tainted. A reminder of just how awful their lives have been lately and when she takes her dress off it’s just going to be that much more in their face. She’s a walking horror film, a damn slasher movie.  

“It’s fine,” Emily promises. “I’m just…” she blows out a breath. “I’m in a mood, I guess.” 

Her arms are still crossed so JJ finds that a little hard to believe but before she can start to dive into a line of question and dredge up whatever is bothering her. 

“I didn’t know the party was in here,” Rossi states, stepping into the house. He sees the tension in Emily’s body, frowning when Emily places her hand over the one JJ has on her cheek. Squeezing the thin digits before moving them away. “Bella?” His relaxed smile falls, “is there something wrong?”

Pappa Rossi has come out and he’s a fierce mister to mess around with.

Emily shakes her head, picking up her bag and stifling all her concerns. “I’m fine,” she promises. She motions for the other girls to follow and she meets Rossi at the door. “You just worry too much, vecchio uomo.” 

Old man? She wounds him.

He’s dressed simply, no desire to swim in the pool with those little animals (whom he loves dearly but the point still stands). Dad jean and an opened button-down, he looks too good. He squints his eyes but his sunglasses hide his skepticism. “Mhmm.” He opens the door for them, “you’d better get out there. You’re missing out on a party.”

The party greets them before they can fully get out of the door. 

“Oh, Spence,” JJ covers her mouth, the only person merciful enough to hide her smile at the sight of him. “Honey, what did you do?”

Someone, definitely Derek, had pushed him into the pool. He looks like a drowned rat. An adorable drowned rat but a rat none-the-less and in his clothes too. He shakes his head, looking down at his wet clothes. “I got pushed in.”

“Uncle Derek,” Jack explains helpfully, padding up to them. He’s visibly wet, obviously an eyewitness given his pleased smile. 

“Yep,” Henry confirms from his best friend’s side. Smiling just as bright as Jack. “Untle Derek push’ted him in!” He jumps happily at the end, nodding his head to his mother. 

The uncle in question sneaks up behind the boys, grabbing them by their waists and hoisting them up. “Are you boys tattling on me?” One on each side, Morgan looks between them faking an angry frown. Both boys know exactly what he’s going to do and start squirming excitedly. Claiming simultaneous denial. 

Morgan’s face sobers for a split second, his attention on the adults. “Pretty boy had it coming,” he says like it’s the most obvious thing in the world. “I brought him a bathing suit and he wouldn’t put it on.” He shrugs and his playful smirk sinks back into place as he announces, “and since someone tattled on me… I’m forced to get my revenge.”

“No! No!” Henry and Jack shout, gleefully screaming as Morgan turns around and heads for the pool. 

“Hold your breath boys!” Morgan jumps in and there’s a large splash as all three submerge. The boys pop up first like little apples, laughing uncontrollably. 

Reid is standing in front of them shivering, looking rather pathetic soaked to the bone. “I pulled him in with me,” Reid states, moving to get past them. 

Poor Reid had not been expecting it at all. He’d gone to the pool’s edge to talk to Henry and Jack. They were chatting away, Jack showing him the Captain America’s and Henry telling Reid that he was gonna learn how to swim without floats with Uncle Hotch too. So he and Jack could both be big boys.

That’s when Morgan had come up from behind, lifting Reid off his feet in a swoop and throwing him in. 

In his mind, it was payback. Morgan brought Reid a very bright red speedo, a gag gift of course. After that fun had ended, the fun being seeing how red he got having to hold the atrocious garment in his hand, Morgan had gifted him light purple swim trunks.

So that he could swim. Except, Reid refused. So Morgan took the matter into his own hands. Then he felt guilty.

Offering Reid a hand up had, of course, been a mistake because the second the genius’ hand met his Morgan felt a sharp pull. Then he found himself in the pool. 

Jack and Henry, who hadn’t recovered from how hard they’d laughed watching Reid get dunked in were wheezing by the time Morgan’s head popped back up.

It seems as if they really did miss a party.

“Prentiss,” Hotch greets, walking up alongside her with a drink. “It’s a strawberry daiquiri, Dave said it’s your favorite.”

She takes the drink with a smile, watching her friends mingle and laugh amongst themselves. While she stands off to the side, isolating herself. She takes a small sip from the top, smiling. God, if Hotch and Rossi weren’t just the sweetest men she knew. Which is a strange thought to have once she considers it. Hotch is the bad cop to her good cop and Rossi is the reason they have such strict fraternization rules. 

“Do you think I can just be Emily, today?” she asks hopefully. 

Hotch smiles, nodding. “If I can be Aaron,” he barters. They tap their glasses together, a silent agreement. He takes a sip of his beer, watching the others around them. He’d gotten word, from Dave, about Emily and the bathing suit thing. She could play the other’s stupid but no one can lie to David Rossi. Not even Hotch. “Not swimming?”

She sighs and she knows exactly what this is. “Aaron...” she sighs, shaking her head but she can’t think of what to say. She can’t say he doesn’t understand. Her wounds might be larger but he had more. Quantity to quality and God, that’s awful. 

He takes her hand lightly, his eyes intense and sad. 

And she’s terrified. 

He lets go and she thinks that it. He’s going to let it go because they’re messing with demons here and she’s learned her lesson with stirring them up. But he does something so much worse. 

He takes his shirt off. 

“Hotch-”

His hands are trembling despite this being some act of courage because it’s only been two years and he knows the scars look awful and-

“Uh-oh!” JJ yells from the other side of the pool. She’s very drunk and drunk JJ is very supportive… and has no filter. “DILF alert!” She sends them two thumbs up and Will waves, a stressed smile stretched across his face. 

Hearing the commotion, Garcia turns away from Morgan and their current conversation. “Holy shit…” Garcia mumbles, pushing her sunglasses down to get a better look. “Does the FBI do a wet t-shirt contest or something? We have to get you boys in it.”

Hotch tilts his head expectantly.

“Oh shut up,” she rolls her eyes and sits her daiquiri down. She takes back every nice thing she’s ever said or thought about him. Especially that internal monologue from before about him being one of just the sweetest man she knew. In fact, she doesn’t like men at all anymore. 

Pulling her dress up over her head, she shakes her head.

That’s right, the Aaron Hotchner, a certified DILF, and federal agent had turned her 100% gay… well, until she forgives him. 

She frowns at him, realizing how dumb they both look just staring at each other mostly naked. “Satisfied?” 

He raises an eyebrow, playfully shaking his head, “are you trying to get us both sent to a sexual harassment meeting, Agent Prentiss?”

“Morgan and Garcia could use the company.” She’s trying very hard to keep her eyes on his face which is also making it hard to be mad at him. The scars aren’t even that noticeable and, while his abs might not be as defined as Morgan’s they are still visible. And nice. 

Before this conversation or frankly, anything else about this day, can get any weirder, Rossi calls out that the burgers are done. 

First come first served.

Which really means Reid, Henry, and Jack eat first while the rest of them fend for themselves. 

The chaos, as always, really gets going after dinner. 

JJ, Emily, and Garcia were standing and discussing whether or not Emily should get a different bathing suit for the beach trip her mother’s planning when the boys come from nowhere. 

Will, Reid, and Morgan.

All three girls end up in the pool. Garcia slung over Morgan’s shoulder. JJ scooped up by Will. Emily dragged kicking and screaming by Reid. It’s declared war and Emily, seeing Hotch chuckling at the sight of them, decides it’s against all of the men. 

The other three aren’t that hard to get. 

Will is lured in the way any man is into a trap, by thinking with the wrong head. JJ takes him out at the knees and Emily is the final blow. Execution style. Will considers it to be a bitter defeat.

Morgan is stupid. Emily sends off to get more drinks and together Garcia and JJ rush him as he walks past the pool. He goes in mid-wave to Jack and Henry, who are playing in the shallow end. 

Emily just picks Reid up, doing the same as he’d done to her. Ego soaring and the alcohol she’d consumed clouding her judgment, Emily takes on her main target. Aaron Hotchner. 

He’s standing at the edge of the pool, with his shirt back on but completed unbuttoned, and telling Jack and Henry to come to get another layer of sunscreen on. His back is completed turned when Emily pushes into him. She’s expecting to hear his body hit the pool water and then her name to be grumbled out when he bobs back to the surface.

It’s like hitting concrete. The man goes nowhere. 

He turns to face her, frowning disappointingly. “Is that all you got Emily?” He shakes his head and turns back to the boys, “chop! Chop! The faster you get out the faster you get right back in.”

Emily attempts to conspire with the others but they’re cowards.

“Oh, no, princess. Not a chance in hell.” Morgan shakes his head, he already thinks she’s crazy for trying the first time.

JJ is too drunk to really tackle. 

Garcia thinks it would be cruel. Hotch has done nothing wrong.

Will is a coward.

Reid is scared of him.

Rossi is too old. 

“You’re all boring,” she pouts. So she tries again on her own.

The boys are back in the pool, Hotch asking when the last time they had some water or a juice box was. That alone almost stops her. Because it’s adorable. She decides she really doesn’t care and takes the approach of shouting his name and then tackling him.  

He catches her. She hits his body but he moves at the last second and wraps his arms around her waist. “Is this what you were trying to do?” Right over his shoulder she goes, plop- right in the pool.

The boys get a proper kick out of it. 

Emily, with a towel wrapped around her shoulders, sulking in a chair watches as Jack and Henry shout for Hotch. He pretends to be surprised as they run at him. They jump up and he catches them to his chest, making a dramatic show of pretending to be knocked back into the pool. 

When he comes to the surface he shakes his hair out of his face and she frowns, hating him for making that look hot. 

Ick... men.

The afternoon wraps itself up well. 

Rossi lures the boys out of the pool with sweets and movies. It’s a picture perfect moment. 

Jack and Henry are exhausted and the moment they settle in the living room, both sharing Uncle Dave’s lap in the lazy boy, they’re out like lights. There’s the smallest bit of chocolate smeared on their lips and Rossi dares Hotch or Will to take his boys away. They can stay the night.

And they do. 

Emily says goodbye to all three, pressing kisses to their temples.

“Did you have fun, Bella?”

She got free food. She got drunk. 

Her boss took his shirt off in front of everyone to make her feel comfortable in her own skin and then dunked her in the pool.

She laughed until she cried with JJ and Garcia.

She played a very dangerous game of chicken with Morgan and Reid...

“Yeah,” she admits. “I had a lot of fun.”

Rossi’s eyes crinkle, “mission accomplished then.”

#BAU pool party #emily prentiss #is the main character #think about it #reid is a baby #and totally wears purple swimming trunks #hotch is a dilf #i'm just going over things we all know #criminal minds fanfiction #aaron hotchner #jennifer jareau #derek morgan #spencer reid #penelope garcia #david rossi #jack hotchner #henry jareau

[spideyanakin]

Dragon Eyes 🐉

Peter Parker x Reader 

Synopsis - After years of being in a mental hospital the Avengers found you and decide to make you their new recruit. 

Masterlist 🧚🏼‍♀️

Peter Parker Masterlist 🌻

Peter had just arrived at the Avengers compound on Tony’s orders. Tony wanted Peter in the compound Asap. Why? Well, half of the team just came back from a mission to Australia, where they fought some dangerous criminal. 

But the mission took a turn when they discovered what the criminal actually wanted. 

You. 

The criminal was searching for you. 

While half of the Avengers were in Australia, on the other side of the pacific ocean, the rest were in a small house in Atlanta trying to find clues to what the criminal motives were. As dumb as it sounds, the guy didn’t have the urge to clean his apartment before leaving. 

To their surprise, they found everything about you. Pictures of you, your height, your age, old passports, everything, but what really alarmed Tony was an asylum certificate. 

Y/n L/n

Reasons for lockdown; Claims she killed her parents with her stare

Treatment; Antidepressants such as Fluoxetine and/or Paroxetine.

- River Escape Asylum

The second paper Tony found was a lab analysis from you. But it wasn’t any normal hospital paper, Tony knew the name. It was a clandestine lab the Avengers had taken down a few years ago. 

Medusa eyes Experiment 

Lab rat; Y/n L/n

Test; N79

Chemicals injected; Secret eyes solution

Expected results; Control people’s minds, kill them, look inside their mind etc...

Results; No change

Tony flipped the paper.

Release of Y/n L/n because of failed attempts

From Ascetopie labs.

The dates matched 2 years after your birth, you were released from these labs when you were 2years old, and today you were about the same age as Peter. 

Tony grabbed a new paper with bank reports on them.

100 000 dollars sent to Mr. and Mrs. L/n for giving their child; Y/n for the Medusa eyes Experiment. 

The payment as been reduced to 100 000 for failed attempts. 

“Steve? Steve, you hear me?” Tony talked through the phone.

“Yeah.” 

“Where are you guys?” 

“We're waiting outside his hotel. How’s your search going?” 

“I found something. He’s looking for a girl. She’s locked up in an Asylum.” 

“An Asylum?” Steve questioned Tony’s words.

“Yes, she was taken there because she claims she killed her parents with her stare. And from what it looks like, she’s not lying, she might actually have pretty dangerous powers. We can’t let him get her.”

“Alright. You want me to go and get her?” 

“Yes. She’s at the River Escape Asylum, her name is Y/n. Y/n L/n. You have to get her before he does.”

“Copy that.” 

“And Steve”

“Yes?”

“It’s her birthday today. She must've gone through hell, do something nice for will you?” 

“No problem.” 

Steve and Bucky went to get you while the rest stayed to arrest the person searching for you. 

That morning you woke up like every day. 

As you took a glance at the calendar you saw the date you’d hated the most. Your birthday, the day you killed your parents, the day you’d been lockdown, the day everything went downhill. 

You’d woken up happy as always. Today was your 14th birthday, the day you’d plan for a whole year now. Your mom had made you the best breakfasts birthday you could imagine. All your favorite foods were laying on the table ready for you to eat. 

“Morning mom” You smiled. 

“Morning sweety, Happy birthday!” She gave you a bright smile and a hug. 

The day went on as normal, you and your family were getting the house ready for the party you’d planned to do that night when a headache suddenly hit you. You were barely able to stand up as you went to grab a cup of water. 

“Honey, can you pass the vacuum in the living room, please?”

“What did you say?” Your head was spinning. 

“I said can you pass the vacuum in the living room?” 

“Mom, can you speak louder I can’t hear anything?” 

“You ok honey?” she approached you. You were almost sweating and you felt like you were going to crash. 

“No, I um, my head hurts.” Your mother took your head with one hand and placed the other on your forehead. 

“You’re burning.” She said almost in a gasp. 

And that’s when you opened your eyes. They were a neon shade of yellow and sent a burning sensation to your mother’s body. 

“Honey what’s wrong with your eyes!?"

The second you made eye contact with her you could see into her mind. The fear made you curious and you couldn’t stop yourself from going further and further into her mind and snap. 

Your mother collapsed to the ground. 

“Mom?” You cried trying to fix what you’d done. “Mom no, what? What’s happening?” Tears were starting to falling.

“Honey, what’s wrong?” Your dad came into the kitchen.

“Dad I don’t know.” You cried. 

“Honey what’s wrong with your eyes.” You made eye contact with your father. You saw the same blur of red, words and feelings before the same faith happened to him.

“No, what’s happening” You cried. 

“No” You screamed in pain, panic, and stress. 

You ware lying there on your kitchen floor, crying and holding to your mother’s dead body for dear life. 

Minutes later you called the police in sobs and panic. 

“Sir, I don’t know what’s happened, my parents just collapsed to the floor I think they're dead..” You were sobbing on the phone. 

When they arrived you opened the door for them avoiding all eye contact. 

At one point you remember running into your mother's closet to get her sunglasses that had the darkest shade. You put them on to this day never leaving them. 

Later that day when the hospital inspected their bodies the only answer they could give you was that their heart had stopped.

You panicked and told them that you were the one who killed them. You killed them with your stare. 

“Sweetie, it’s impossible.” The doctor kept telling you. “Remove these glasses your eyes are fine.” She gave you a sad smile but you insisted. You did kill them, and you weren't going to kill anyone else. 

That same day, everyone thought you were crazy. You were classified as the girl who thought she killed her parents and wouldn’t remove her glasses. You were brought to the River Escape Asylum, forced to take drugs you always threw in the toilet.

“Hi” Steve and Bucky entered the asylum getting a stare from everyone. It’s not every day Captain America and the Winter Solder enter your local asylum. 

“Hello, what can I do for you?” The receptionist said in the nicest tone possible it was almost annoying. 

“Hi, we um, we would like to see one of your patients, um what’s her name?” Steve turned to Bucky. 

“Don’t look at me, I didn’t talk to Tony.” Bucky deadpanned and took a lollipop from the counter. 

“I think it’s Y/n, Y/n L/n.” He looked back at the woman hopeful he got the name right. 

“Oh, yes. She’s in room 237. I’ll escort the two of you to see her.” The woman grabbed a few papers before leading them to your room. 

“You know my son’s a big fan.” She turned to Captain America. 

“Ah yeah.” Steve didn’t know where to put himself.

“So before you enter, you have to know a few things. She will never make eye contact with you, she will also never take her glasses off. So don’t mention anything about her eyes.” The woman smiled like nothing was wrong before opening the door. 

“Alright, thanks” Steve nodded and the woman left.

You were sitting at your desk watching the sky. 

“Hello?” He entered the room with Bucky following. 

“What do you want? Are you one of these doctors again? I won’t take my glasses off if that’s what you want.” Your voice was cold and almost lifeless. Steve felt pity for you. You were treated like a crazy person just because you had powers no one understood. 

Steve pointed to Bucky so he would close the door, just to keep the conversation private in case any nurses would be listening. 

“No, we're here to help you.” He paused. You still didn’t turn around. “I don’t know if you know us,  but my name is Steve, Steve Rogers. And this is Bucky, Bucky Barnes.”

“Captain America.” You said with confidence.

“Yeah, so you know me.” He smiled. “Were here because Tony Stark sent us. We need to get you out of here. A bad man is looking for you.” 

You chuckled at his words. 

“I can’t leave.” You laughed bitterly. “I will kill anyone I make eye contact with. People are safe from me if I stay.” Your sharp tone sent chills to both of them. “And plus, I don’t want anything to do with Tony Stark.”

“Look, you don’t understand. We can help you. We’re all different here... Our team is filled with people who were just as scared as you. Scared of their powers. Don’t you think I was scared when this scientist turned me into this.” He paused but you didn’t reply. “In our team, we have a boy, he’s about your age. He was bitten by a radioactive spider, don’t you think he was terrified?” 

little did you know Peter had been through the same faith as you; blaming himself for the death of someone he loved.

You felt tears fall down your cheeks. 

“I'm not, scared.” you wiped the tears away. “I'm a murder.” A soft sob escaped your mouth. 

Steve approached you and placed a hand on your shoulder. 

“Look, we’re all scared... But a bad man wants to take you away for your powers, we don’t know what he wants from you, please we have to get you to safety.” 

You slowly turned around your head still facing down. 

“I-” 

A loud crash interrupted your reply and Sam entered the room in a hurry. 

“Sam? What are you doing here?”

“He’s here!” Sam said to out of breath to make a better sentence.

“I'm very sorry for what I'm about to do, but I have to keep you safe.” Steve turned to you and grabbed you. You let out a shriek before you buried your head in your hands avoiding all eye contact. 

----

You sat on a hotel bed and looked through the window. The Avengers had managed to catch the guy, and the asylum had been almost destroyed to bits, so great for a birthday.

“Hey...” Steve entered the room, followed by Wanda. He had a cupcake in hand. 

You didn’t answer. 

“We came to check if you were alright... We have something for you.” He said hopeful.

No reply. 

“Let me talk to her.” Wanda placed a hand on Steve’s shoulder and grabbed the cupcake from his hand. She sat next to you and Steve left the room. 

“Here, this is for you.” She handed you the cupcake. “Happy birthday.” She smiled. 

You didn’t answer. You took the cupcake and stared at it for a while. You hadn’t seen or tasted one in years. 

“You know... All of us have been through a lot. Steve, was frozen for 70years, the same as his friend Bucky. And I can control minds, not an easy task.” She laughed trying to ease the tension. 

You played with the rim of the cupcake paper. 

“We’ve all accidentally killed people we loved, or at least blame ourselves for it. Just know that no matter how strong your powers are we can help you.” She paused to look at you. 

You slowly placed the cupcake to your mouth and took a piece of frosting, the sweet taste filling your body with warmth and nostalgia. You took a bigger bite and brought it back down. You looked at the view, losing yourself in a pool of thoughts. 

“So what do you say? Come with us to New York?” 

She paused again waiting for an answer. A tear fell down your cheek as you looked at the view. You had been looking at the same five trees for the past two years. The taste of the cupcake you missed so much and today’s events were all too overwhelming, everything was.

“yes” You replied barely above a whisper. 

“Great then” She gave you a bright smile.

----

A few hours later you arrived in the one and only Avengers compound.

You allowed yourself to look up for a slip second, tightly holding the sunglasses you've been wearing for the past two years. You quickly looked down as Tony arrived to greet you. 

“Hi” He stopped in front of you and gave his hand to shake. “My name is Tony Stark, you can call me Tony.” 

You didn’t answer nor shook his hand. 

A woman with short blond hair came to great you. You followed them to what looked like labs. You were given new clothes which you changed into.

“Alright.” He turned in his chair. “I know you're scared, but we need you to cooperate. I only want what’s good for you.” 

No answer. You were facing the window giving all of them the silent treatment. 

And that’s when Peter comes in. 

When Tony asked him for help Peter arrived as quick as lightning. 

“So what do you want me for Mr.Stark,” Peter said out of breath from swinging all the way here. 

Tony pointed towards you. 

Peter backed away for a minute admiring the way you look. 

Your hair was loose and your large glasses were hiding most of your face. You looked beautiful. You were standing still, you looked through the window admiring the view.

“She’s about your age. She’s been through stuff, everyone’s tried to talk to her, she won’t answer. Your our last hope.” Tony did a desperate sigh and looked at Peter who was a little confused.

Peter looked back at you. He cleared his throat and approached you. 

“Hi?” 

You didn’t answer still looking at the city. 

“What’s your name? I'm Peter” He smiled. 

“I’ll talk if he leaves.” Your voice rang through the room like ice. 

“Who? Mr.Stark?” Peter asked and you nodded. 

“Oh well, I’ll leave. No funny business” he pointed to Peter who just rolled his eyes, you didn’t find it funny. 

“My name is Y/n” You replied, your lifeless voice sending chills through Peter, almost scaring him. 

“Oh, cool name.” he smiled trying to ease the tension. “So why um, why didn’t you want to talk to Mr.Stark?” He didn’t know how to start the conversation. 

“My parents always hated him.” All your words were sharp, Peter almost felt like he was talking to a robot.

“Oh...”

“I killed them. Respect their beliefs is the least I could do.” If Peter didn’t have a crush on you he would have been terrified.

“Oh. Alright um... What’s your um, power? You now why are you here?”

“I can kill people with my eyes. Or at least that’s what I think I can do.”

“Oh, cool. Cool, cool, cool, cool, cool,” an awkward silence entered the room.

“Why aren't you scared of me?” You turned to him, finally facing. You knew your glasses stopped your powers so you didn’t hesitate looking at him. You never looked at people, you only did if they were alarming you in any way. 

You felt chills down your spine. He was cute, very cute. You felt like getting lost in his eyes and wished you could put a hand through his brown curls. You felt a weight fall into your stomach knowing if you got attached to anyone you could kill them with a stare. 

“I've only said horrible things about myself that you know are true. And you're not even running for your life.” The feeling in your tummy only feeling heavier you were scared for him, thinking he was stupid enough to stay and talk to you. 

“Because I don’t see you as a monster.” His voice warmed your heart. “You might see yourself as the bad guy, but I only see someone who’s scared.” He paused and stepped closer to you. “Mr.Stark isn’t a bad guy. You should trust him.” He gave you a shy smile. “He only wants to help you...” 

You looked at him for a second. A voice inside your head was telling you to trust him. Your mind was telling you no. But every inch of your body was telling you to trust him and talk to Tony Stark. 

“I- Sure. If this will make you happy.” You sighed dreading Tony’s questions.

Tony entered the room a few seconds later.

“So, tell me about your powers.” He turned his chair to face his computer. 

“I um, everything was fine, until I got a headache one day” You shifted in your seat. “and I um, I looked into my parent's eyes” You felt like tearing up. You remembered the exact feeling “and killed them.” You quickly whipped the tears away from your eyes.

Peter looked at you, he felt bad for you. He knew how you felt. Every day he blamed himself for Ben’s death, and now he was seeing a girl who was in the same situation, but her surroundings didn’t help. You didn’t have an aunt May to go to, you didn’t get the chance to stay with her friends and try to live a normal life. Instead, you were locked up in an asylum everyone telling you you were crazy. 

“Alright.” He quickly typed something and turned back to you. “Do you know if your parents were your biological parents?” You nodded. 

“Yeah. I mean, everyone always said we looked alike.” You shifted in your seat not liking the turn this conversation. But Tony didn’t like it either. That meant your biological parents risked your life for money. 

Turns out Karma’s a bitch Tony laughed to himself. 

“What’s so funny?” You felt outraged by Tony's sudden reaction.

“Oh, nothing.” Tony’s funny discovery soon led to pity.

Peter just looked really confused. 

“Well, I'm not laughing. If you're going to mock me then I don’t see why I should continue talking to you. You are as arrogant as my parents said you were.” You wanted to leave the room but Tony held your arm.

Tony know knew why your parents hated him. He destroyed the lab that they sold you to. 

“Don’t touch me!” You tried getting out of his grip but failed.

“You're parents are the reason why you have these powers.” You froze at his words. “They sold you to scientists, and when the experiments failed they gave you back to your parents, and only gave half of the money they promised them. The experiment was called Medusa eyes I don’t know the details but I can tell you that this experiment made you like this. We took down the lab that made you like this a few years ago. Trust me, I just want to help you.”

“You lying.” You said through tears. You felt your whole world fall apart. Tony let the grip on your arm loose. You were trembling and couldn’t stop the tears from falling. “They- They would never do that.” 

Tony and Peter could see the tears falling out of your glasses.

“Look, we can’t remove your powers, but I can help you control them. From the documents I read, you might be able to control people’s minds and see through them. Only if you want, I can train you. I won’t force you into anything alright?” 

You paused for a second. 

You lifted your head and looked into the distance not meeting tony’s eyes but still seeing his face. 

“Teach me. I don’t want to live like this anymore.” 

“Alright then. Welcome to the team.”

----

A month later you were a war machine. Tony and Steve were seriously impressed by your skills. You were Nat’s favorite student.

You did gain control of your eyes, but that doesn’t mean you didn’t remove your glasses. You always kept them, never showing your eyes to anyone. 

You had practiced on mannequins Tony had set up for you. He had managed to reproduce the same eye/brain system that humans had but less evolved. it was a pair of technological eyes that were connected to a computer drive, the computer had information and videos. Your goals; to gain access to the information. The first few times you did explode the hard-drive, giving Tony a hard time as he had to rebuild them. But now, you did it without any problem. You access the “Brain” and get the information you wanted without making it explode.

“You know, now that you can control your powers you can take these glasses off,” Tony asked you one day. But you quickly removed this idea from his head.

You had multiple reasons why you didn’t want to take them off. 1. you could kill them all if you accidentally lost control 2. You didn’t want them to see the yellow and green color they had. You had managed to get your eye color back a few times, but you weren't their yet, which meant your eyes were mainly yellow and green. And you didn’t want to scare them away, scare Peter away... 

During this time you and Peter got close. Very close. You were even about to kiss once, but you were more than glad Steve interrupted you. You didn’t want to get attached to Peter, by fear of killing him. He was the only person you truly loved since you killed your parents, and you couldn’t bear losing anyone else.

Today was the day you dreaded the most, the day you were going to use your powers on someone for the first time since your parents. The first time you would look at someone in the eyes. 

You were on the balcony enjoying the view, something you always did.

 “Ready for today’s mission?” Peter asked, excited he would get to spend some time with you. 

“Yep, just um, a little worried.” You were playing with your nails in stress. 

“Why?” Peter frowned. He didn’t want you to feel stress, he just wanted you to be happy. 

“Well, Tony wants me to use my powers on the main villain guy when they catch him...” You looked down. 

“Well, that’s amazing!!” Peter was your number one fan. He followed your progress and even helped you multiple times.

“Peter... I've never used my powers on someone since my parents.” You were so stressed even Peter felt it. 

“Hey” He put a hand on your wrist, making you look at him. “Look, I believe in you ok? I'm sure you're going to do great. You’ve trained so well. You're like Mr. Stark's favorite recruit.” He smiled.

“Are you kidding. Mr.Stark loves you, you’re his favorite recruit!” You looked at him for a second. He blushed at your words.

For a second the world stopped. Peter took in your features. He took the time to look at your hair and their beautiful color. Your nose, your large glasses that hid most of your face, the curiosity of what was behind eating him alive. 

“What?” You laughed.

“You're just really pretty.” Peter smiled shyly. You blushed, thankful your glasses hid most of it. 

The two of you subconsciously got closer and Peter placed a hand on one of the branches of your glasses. 

You didn’t know why but that time you let him slowly take them off. 

“Peter-”

“Don’t say anything. I trust you.” Peter, not scared for his life, slowly pushed your glasses away from your nose. 

The second you met his eyes you felt calm, you were able to look at him without going inside his mind. Your eyes were their beautiful original color. 

Silence fell between the two of you and Peter felt starstruck. Your eyes were more beautiful then he could ever imagine.

You felt your mind drifting to his. Your eyes slowly turned into that yellow/green color you hated so much and you slowly looked into Peter’s mind. You weren't scared because you knew your limits. There you saw childhood memories, dreams, nightmares, Ben. The second you knew what happened to Ben you felt like hugging Peter. But then you saw his feelings for people. You saw his feelings for Tony, May, Ned, MJ, and then you. 

You didn’t know how to react. You saw love? But not the kind of love he felt for the others. Love love. The kind of love you felt for your soulmate. Did he really feel that way? You got out of his mind. All you saw was Peter Parker, the boy you liked, no love. You loved him back.

He looked at you starstruck. Your eyes had changed back to their natural color and Peter felt a small ‘wow’ escape his mouth. He had seen your eyes for the first time, and he wasn’t disappointed. 

You stared at each other for a second, starstruck by one another. 

The two of you crashed your lips together, all your worries going away. 

“You love me?” You pulled away and Peter’s cheeks turned scarlet. 

“I- um” He couldn’t speak.

“Peter. I love you too.” You said a sudden burst of confidence flowing through you. 

“I love you.” He blurted out not leaving your eyes. 

He held a hand to your face and kissed you. You melted into the kiss. 

“My dragon.” He smiled once you pulled away. 

“Your what?” 

“Well, your eyes, when you do that mind thing. You look like a dragon.” He smiled. “You're like a dragon, My dragon.” 

“Thank you, Peter.”

“For what?” He laughed questioning you.

“For believing in me.” 

Get added to my taglist

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[hackedmotionsensors]

you ever read a text message that’s two months late bc you ignore most messages that come onto your phone becase 99% of them are the damned group chat that you hardly participate in or spam calls from democrats making sure you vote to keep Newsome (I’m gonna please stop texting me) or they’re from your weekly trip to get poke letting you know your poke bowl is ready.

And that message is a scathing reply from the guy you didn’t want to talk to in the first place who 1) made you cry because he made you feel stupid but you didn’t say anything so you got a little bit bitchy in response the next time you played games (my bad obviously) but you also took a few weeks away from playing said game because it felt toxic to you. You felt like hey maybe this isn’t for me if this is the vibe. Also you had other things you wanted to do on a saturday night no offense. So then you go and tell your IRL friend about this who’s a mutual acquaintence about what was going on and just that it made you cry bc you had to get it off your chest or you were going to explode. And then that guy goes and asks HER about it and she tells him (thanks a lot) and then HE turns it into a big deal when all you wanted to do was let it fester and then pass hoping that your ADHD would eventually let it go (shocker it actually did)

2) he then HOUNDS you over the phone because HE JUST WANTS TO TALK CAN’T WE TALK ABOUT THIS LIKE ADULTS. And you are physically and mentally not okay to talk about it. This has never happened to you before. People, men especially, never want to TALK THINGS OUT. They just assume I’m a bitch (i am) and treat me as such. I’m okay with that. I don’t want to talk about how you made me cry for nearly a week straight or how I wanted to kinda k-word myself because I felt so stupid and that I was basically a wreck on this whole situation on top of being unemployed for so long on top of a pandemic on top of not being able to see my family for well over a year. LoL I messed up the pronouns at this point but oh well. (are I and you pronouns? Idk I’ve been out of school for a very long while)  So yes you create a slightly bigger problem by not answering the phone. But the other reason this pops off like this is because he messaged me in the group chat. Again a thing I do not check bc I don’t like group chats. I don’t like getting multiple messages all at once because the messaging gives me anxiety or something. It sets me on edge. Probably to do with my ADHD but if I’m trying to think of something else and my phone is blowing up its easier for me to just turn the volume off. HOWEVER on this occassion I accidentally let my phone die. ITS A REALLY OLD PHONE. And because of the pandemic the only people who call me are my mom and dad. Literally no one else except for my good friend Scam Likely.  So I missed his initial question to me which he took as being a slight. So then he starts calling me demanding I talk to him.” Is it too much to ask for a conversation” KIND OF RIGHT NOW DUDE. So then i reply about how look i can’t do this right now. I’m kind of stressed about a lot of stuff (i was) I don’t really have the ability to talk right now. Then a week or so later he asks me again. That was also when I fucking poisoned myself lmfao So I say I can’t talk today why don’t we talk tomorrow. So then I waited all day for him to call. No call came. So I figured. Fine. You were the one who wanted to talk to me. I’m not going to call you . I didn’t want to make a big fucking deal about this in the first place. I wanted to sit in my shame hole and cry and then get over it.

So then.

I forgot.

I didn’t forget about all this I just sorta forgot about the phone call bc he never called me back. I didn’t realize in his mind I was supposed to call HIM.

3) he waits a month and then sends me that scathing text. How I’m a bad friend to his girlfriend (who I’m actually friends with but maybe not anymore bc of all this). He tells me how I was as rude to him as he was to me (I called him fat legs and admittedly it was harsh and mean [he’s not fat by any means but it wasn’t cool] and I felt bad about it. HOWEVER. I HIGHLY DOUBT HE SPENT THE FOLLOWING WEEK CRYING AND WANTING TO DIE. SO. IDK MAN. Also I got meaner AFTER the crying fit. So. Yknow. Not cool and not mature absolutely and I’ll apologize for that for sure. But I highly doubt I was the forefront of your mind whereas I had trouble getting out of bed or wanting to idk LIVE??? I’m not gonna blame this on ADHD but there is 100% a thing I suffer from and that’s that compounded rejection behavior where a simple rejection or feeling of rejection its PROFOUNDLY TAKEN BAD. Its probably gotten worse since I have no human outlet to talk to. Especially since the last person I tried to talk to ratted me out. 

So I miss this huge text message basically telling me that I’m a bad friend. To not talk to him ever again. If I ever say anything to him he’s going to call me out. How I’m immature and a bad person. How I got mad over “mario kart” (that wasn’t what it was about) and that’s really stupid.

So yknow. I had to reply to that. But at this point its two+ months late. So it doesn’t even matter at this point. I’ve basically lost a friend I really really liked and thought the world of because of her fiance treating me like ....I don’t even know what this treatment is but he got really bossy and in my face about this and I come from a family where we either hold a grudge or scream at the top of our lungs at each other. I’ve never once been hounded like that. Which I mean is probably ACTUALLY the mature response. I don’t even know. It doesn’t matter now because I fucked it all up and I feel even more stupid than I did before. I want to talk to someone about this but I literally can’t. 

Do NOT reblog this because its super personal and embarassing and I’ll probably delete it later anyway.

I was having a pretty fun day (albeit having it start late which I don’t like) until I saw this literally as I was leaving the house..

#do not reblog #personal

[millionsofstrangeshadows]

A masterpost of (almost) everything problematic Emilie Autumn’s ever said and written

Introduction

A few days ago, someone on asked @shefightslikeagirl​ about examples of Emilie being condescending/ableist toward other mental illnesses than her own, and/or trying to elevate bipolar above others. Here’s my masterpost of the things I remembered and found (bear in mind it’s not nearly entirety of problematic things she’s said). It’s going to be a long, scan/screen heavy and commentary heavy text, so brace yourself for a lot of information. I think it’s all well known to old timers, but new fans coming aren’t always “in the know” and keep asking about past dramas. Here’s almost everything you need to know.

__________

When I was compiling all that and writing commentary, I had both MY personal opinion and the fandom’s opinions. I try to explain why those things are problematic. I added a lot of my own commentary especially in book scans section, in the form of me personally speaking to Emilie, as a direct response to what she wrote. Keep in mind it won’t be unbiased text, there’s a lot of my personal opinions here, I think it’s impossible to write a completely unbiased, sideless, proffesional text at this point, cause a lot of what she said/wrote hurt/disappointed/disgusted me and others and it would be really hard to do this without even a slightest bit of sarcasm. (But it’s all good. Emilie likes sarcasm, right? She even thinks most of the world is too stupid to understand sarcasm, it’s only her that is so intelligent. Plague Rats claimed they love sarcasm too, so why not having some?)

Also, I don’t care if I violated anyone’s Emilie-protective feelings, I don’t have problem with posting scans of the book. This version of the book is no longer available to buy in eBook version, no less in paper version, and I don’t think it will ever be anymore. Fragments I posted are NOT included in newest versions of her book and to know the context, you need to take a look at at the text. I won’t tell you to read page this and this in a book that is impossible to obtain.

I know a lot of you will say it’s all a big exaggeration. Well, there are certain things I didn’t pay attention earlier, things I took with a grain of salt or ignored, but now, as I got older, I notice those things and look at them a little differently. I listed most (not nearly ALL) things that were and can be viewed as problematic. These are just scans/screens plus commentary, I can’t and won’t persuade you to change your mind or behave a certain way in current situation. It’s your thing what you’re gonna think and do.

I know a lot of newer fans or those blindly in love with Emilie won’t agree with me or say:

1.     „Oh that’s sarcasm, she’s not serious”

2.     „it’s not a big deal”

3.     „it’s EA, what were you expecting” or even

4.     „I know all that and I don’t care.” I’m talking here on that „holier than thou” „I’m above you, suckers” attitude.

To those I have following responses:

Ad. 1   No, not every time she said those things Emilie was sarcastic. Some things she meant 100% serious and it’s widely known. And even when she jokes or is ironic, this doesn’t excuse her when she says completely hurtful, ableist, racist or (drugist? How do you call having biases against drug users?). „It was a joke”, this way you could excuse absolutely everything. And the hurt still remains, additional hurt and harm. Think about it for a while.

Ad. 2   I won’t force you to understand anything, all I can do is laying out evidences and explaining what’s so wrong about them. I cannot understand those who claim Emilie is 100% Innocent and has never done anything wrong. You’re either painfully blind or you’re lying to yourself. Hopefully you will see it for yourself in a few years, when you grow up a little, or when she personally hurt you too (block you, lash out at you, cast you out of her Asylum).

Ad. 3  Well, we accepted to be in an environment of understanding and empathy, a house for outsiders, a safes pace. That’s how Asylum was presented. The most of if not entirety of hate/drama/hurt and problematic situations were caused by Emilie directly. NOW, now we don’t expect anything from her. But back when all the shit was fresh and happening, we were confused and lied to ourselves, making unnecessary excuses for a grown up woman that refused to explain it herself and take responsibility for her actions, and we thought she would eventually grow up and change for the better each and every next time, up until most of us has had enough, either now with the current drama or a few past dramas.

Ad. 4  I can’t force you to change your mind, also I’m not forcing anyone to boycott Emilie, to stop listening to Emilie, to understand my point of view. Do whatever the fuck you want, I don’t really care. Just don’t boast around how little you care, how you’re „above it all”, cause it mostly doesn’t speak well of you when you think all things are alright and easily dismissable. Also, nobody will look up to you as someone „cooler” or anything. Nobody cares if you ignore her shit or not. Do whatever the hell you want.  

 ___

Now, you can read entire thing or jump straight to the sections for whatever you need to read. Here’s a little bit of introduction with commentary on her „ward” thing, W14A, 3 diaries vs „Evidence of insanity” parts of the books and the newest ECT bullshit she added to newer versions of the book.

List of sections:

1.    Introduction: the „asylum” and „psych ward”/”Evidence of insanity”/ECT

2.    Fatshaming

3.    Ableism

4.    „Manatee R*tard”

5.    Britney Spears

6.    Emilie’s feelings towards drug addicts

7.    Romanticizing of bipolar disorder

8.    Emilie’s bipolar disorder vs „normal depression” and downgrading depression

9.    Emilie’s descriptions on people with other mental illnesses

10.  Schizophrenia

11.  Schizophrenia part 2/Emilie’s „jokes”

12.  Romanticizing of cutting and self-harm

13.  Asexual discourse

14.  Additional stuff, more or less discussed, also problematic

15. Final words and bonuses

RACISM:

Additional note: I’m leaving recent racism case out. I might add this in the future if needed, but for now, I think you’ve all seen everything for yourself. You can always read about the racism drama here:

https://shefightslikeagirl.tumblr.com/instagramincident/

 ____

Introduction: the „asylum” and „psych ward”/”Evidence of insanity”/ECT

 All throughout her career, EA referenced the hospital she stayed in as „asylum”. „I got locked up in an asylum”. This and also „psych ward”.

She claims W14A stands for her numer in the „asylum” and W stands for „ward”, 14 the number of the ward, A stands for the cell. She wrote that part of hospital she stayed in had words written over the entrance that spelled „psych ward”, from the way it sounds you can immediately see it’s impossible. Comming back to W14A, that’s complete utter bullshit, not a single modern institution refers to their patients by their „cell numbers”. No patient is „given a number”. Not in the way Emilie implied. Remember hand bracelets you get when you need to stay in a regular hospital? They always have a long number -- it’s a number of a patient staying at the hospital, it’s considered a normal thing by everyone, nobody questions that and nobody feels personally offended or stigmatized by that. I believe Emilie might get one of those long patient numbers, but that’s about that, only the number of X person entering the hospital. It couldn’t be „W14A”. Her claims of the LA hospital having „wards” and „cells” as a fact, not some victorian metaphore, are lies. She didn’t use those words to describe Emily with a Y’s victorian asylum, it was all about her modern day mental hospital. If you bought heavily edited 4th edition of TAFWVG (black with striped legs cover), you know that 3 personal journals of Emilie named „Cutting Diary”, „Drug Diary” and „Suicide Diary”, got ridiculously cut and edited, I’d say 90% of text got deleted and remaining text got randomly thrown on last pages of the book (it got omitted completely in eBook version). While those 3 diaries seemed like the heaviest but also the most personal and honest part of the original book, this feeling got washed out and destroyed completely by what she did to those diaries in 4th edition, somewhat putting in question their honesty. She compiled remaining edited scraps of all three diaries and titled them „Evidence of insanity: excerpts from confiscated notebook”. And she added some fake „commentary” from Dr Sharpe. Underlining certain fragments and madeup comments from Sharpe, explaining some things. All of them go like this:

Doctor’s Note: W14A exhibits paranoia and inability to remain in her own reality, begins to reference „Asylum” more frequently.

W14A is clearly experiencing delusions – arrange for time in the quiet room, keep away from other patients.

She basically states that her doctored referenced her as a number. I don’t believe it. It’s fucking bullshit. Even such „evil” doctors as EA considers Dr Sharpe to be follow their rules, don’t give out ward numbers to people and don’t refer to them by some bullshit „ward” and „cell” number. „Patient behaves this way or that way” – yes, but not „Ward 123 Cell D seems delusional, schedule lobotomy”.

Doctor’s Note: „His” is assumed to be referencing W14A’s boyfriend at the time of this writing. We have been investigating the identity of this man and have narrowed it down to two subjects, one extremely famous, one marginally so. Names will be made available to specialists upon request.

What? I mean WHAT? Yeah, we get it, Emilie, that you wanted to let us know you were dating Billy Corgan and Brendon Small in those years, we knew this already long ago. But the whole ridiculous „we have been investigating identity”?! Go ask yourself which fucking „asylum” doctor would care enough to do a fucking „investigation” on the identity of someone’s fucking boyfriends?!

But this one’s most fucked up:

W14A seems to have disassociated her own identity, episodic, each lasting for a longer period of time. We suspect she will continue further in this – stronger medication is needed, schedule electroconvulsive therapy.

She implies they at least scheduled ECT for her, if didn’t put her through ECT. There was NO mention of Emilie having ECT or having ECT planned for her in the original 1st and 2nd printing of the book. Not a single mention in interviews. Nothing. It’s a completely made up thing she fantasized only recently. She rewrites her own history over and over, adding more layers of lies. Now this sounds more like fantasy thing, these days EA treats her book more as fantasy novel. But back in 2009, this book had been marketed as „100 % true autobiography”. Suddenly, she writes more and more fantastical additions to HER OWN STORY, which in effect makes fans more and more sceptical about reality of her hospital stay. She basically dramatizes that hospital stay. If she dramatizes and fills it with fake elements now, who said she didn’t fake it 10 years ago? And people in the fandom had doubts about the way she portrayed the hospital stay for years, saying it’s a huge exaggeration and saying Emilie spits and rages at everyone in the hospital, feeling like a victim, when in reality all that was expected from her was following rules, and the way she was treated was the way everyone is treated in a regular mental institution. In effect, Emilie mainly made herself look like a spoiled brat. I don’t know what is true, what is not, I’m not saying some shit didn’t happen for real, but I don’t believe her „ward”, „psych ward” and W14A thing. EA’s flawed and irrational depiction of modern day psychiatric hospital is another subject.

 But it’s also a real biography, just with mystery and time travel added, it’s so epic, but now that its finally here, I realize that a lot of people know so many intimate things about me and facts. It’s like they know me better than like my best friends, I hope I don’t regret it, but I don’t think I will, it’s that whole honesty thing again you know. I’d rather have 5 people at a show that love it, and likewise 5 people who read and understand or can relate to what I have to say; brutal, horrid truths about what really goes on in an asylum; it’s is really fucking uncomfortable, and I’m not going to sugar coat it. I think a lot of people may not know what they are in for when they buy it, it is funny and entertaining, but with the truths that go along with that, and when I did ‘Opheliac’, it was my truth and my obsessions, and the book is the same. It doesn’t try to pretend that it’s something it just clearly isn’t, which is all charming and pretty and nice, and all the things a supposed young woman should be. But I don’t give a fuck, it’s either this or death, and that’s what I’m trying to convey. It’s not daunting to share that with the world, it’s my relief that it’s out there now, so people know. I guess it comes down to that childish wish, or want to be noticed and be the centre of attention.

(Shakenstir interview)

 Also once upon a time Emilie claimed TAFWVG is a 100 % historical book”. She claimed she’s done a massive research for the book and she called herself a „huge history nerd”.

It’s been proven by a lot of well-read people and victorian times fanatics in the fandom that her book is anything but historical, her knowledge of victorian times is very faint and it seems she’s done no reseach for the book AT ALL. There are signs of blatant ignorance in this book, for example, „resurgence of bubonic plague in England” when there was no bubonic plague in England in victorian times, or the usage of lobotomy in 1840s when lobotomy both as a term and procedure didn’t exist up until nearly 100 years later (the only thing existing then was trepanation). Her „Ophelia galeries” this is another bullshit: asylum tours were a thing in a previous epoque, I’ve never found ANY proof of specific „Ophelia” galleries taking place at all. Do I have to mention there’s no vultures in London? But that’s a talk for another day.

 Fatshaming

 Let’s just go straight to the scans.

4th edition of the book was heavily edited and modified. First the original story was hugely cropped up by the proffesional editor for a mainstream release, leaving all the bloody and ugly things out, like 3 diaries, abortion details, etc. Also suddenly making a 27 year old Emilie into a 17 year old Emilie. Nothing came out of that deal, except for the audiobook, which was this very edited and modified version.

Later came out also the paperback „normal book” edition of Asylum. It was hugely modified too, but EA sneaked things she wanted back in. She’s not 17 anymore here, I think. She even added tiny pieces of diaries back, but in a completely bastardized version (to see why, check the Evidence of insanity section). Emilie literally changed character’s looks, ages, stories and endings, she took time to do all that, but she didn’t bother to remove her fatshaming stuff. No, she actually added some more, in a much harsher words.

Now, I’ll allow myself to take these screen from Asylum_Oracle Instagram story, cause it’s all phrased perfectly already.

Ableism

Emilie got terribly offended when she had to be transported in the hospital in a wheelchair. It’s nothing out of ordinary -- you may be alive and well and totally walking on your own, but they offer to transport you by wheelchair. I got transported in wheelchair for magnetic resonanse, ultrasound, etc. I don’t know why they offer this, but I don’t see the reason to throw tantrums about it. The wheelchairs they use in hospitals for that kind of transporting are just plain hospital wheelchairs, NOT specially adapted wheelchairs for physically disabled. I don’t get why it’s such a big deal to her.

However, she doesn’t have any problems with dancing and snaking around in the wheelchair onstage. This case was a huge drama, there was a lot of people offended, both physically disabled and not at all, also a lot of people (also disabled) dismissing it all and saying it’s not ableist. It’s your opinion, but I think you’re lying to yourself a bit. Take a look at her response to reader letter in Bizzare magazine and ask yourself, is that alright? Is it alright to you that she considers being compared to physically disabled offensive?

When you see her dancing and laying dramatically and using wheelchair as a prop and fashion statement – it is fucked up. In this case, the fact that she uses hospital wheelchair doesn’t excuse anything. I mentioned it to see that:

a)    being transported in wheelchair in hospitals (don’t know about psychiatric hospitals, so I say hospitals) is something totally normal

b)    wheelchair can be used for both transportation and for general use of disabled people.

But using the wheelchair for something other than a vehicle for disabled and a transport for others (for example, people who aren’t disabled but felt ill and aren’t strong enough now to walk on their own), it is viewed as ableist. Using wheelchair as a fashion statement, on the cover of magazine, photoshoot, etc., including able bodied person sitting, or in the case of Emilie, hanging upside down from the wheelchair for the cool effect, is ableist. Seeing EA dancing and standing on that wheelchair, hanging upside down/whatever else during shows was extremely hurtful to those who cannot dance, stand or casually change position in their wheelchair. Those people cannot stand up and then lie upside down from the wheelchair in a „cool, fashionable” pose. They use their wheelchairs as a necessity, not a fashion statement. It’s not a cool show prop to them, it’s a thing they cannot move and function without in most of everyday life situations. The wheelchair can be both a blessing and a curse to them.

You may not notice that, you may not even think of it that way, but take a moment to actually think for a while, try to understand and empathize with those who are disabled and hurt by EA’s „Wheelie” actions.

Examples of lack of understanding for those hurt by the situation and Plague Rats dismissing them, telling them to „make light out of their situations” and „not take their misery out on others” (this is disgusting):

‘But the worst thing about that is her response to Bizzare Magazine question. She didn’t consider how it might look to disabled people. She once again lashed out at the person asking and proceeded to make a victim out of herself, so fucking hurt by the necessity to use wheelchair once in her fucking life for a few minutes, so fucking hurt forever, literally, lifelong trauma, PTSD after being wheeled for a second from point A to point B, in a fucking hospital. And once again, as always, she points all the attention to herself, makes a poor wounded victim out of herself, then tells everyone who doesn’t agree to fuck off. 

(Big thank you to loveyou-x3000 for finding that photo - isn’t it crazy that the only place you can find it now is the glorious archive of spreadingplagueoflulz... )

Transcription for those who have difficulty with reading from the scan:

Star Letter - Going to far?

I enjoyed Bizarre 161 from cover-to-cover, but the images featured in the Emilie Autumn feature were the only letdown.

I sustained spinal injuries and was milimeters away from having to use a wheelchair. The use of a wheelchair as a prop for an able-bodied model is entirely irresponsible and decidedly nasty. I’m aware that Bizarre publishes material that some may find offensive, but I feel the chair is there to represent the possibility of illness, injury, the thread of imperfection, damage and weakness.

While I can only applaud you for your exposure of disabled models such as Viktoria, you undo all your fine work when you publish an image like this. Bizarre is on the frontline of the battle against discrimination based on cultural identity, so why propagate a misleading and unhelpful image of disability? - TraumaDoll, YourBizarre

Emilie Autumn says:  Dearest TraumaDoll, thank you for your letter. I’m sorry that you didn’t see the irony in these photos. I’ve experienced being in a wheelchair while on suicide watch on a psych ward. Despite my mental health issues, I’m far from being physically incapable, yet I’ve sure been treated like I am. This stigma will never end, so I’ll own my fucking wheelchair and I’ll brandish any tool that’s been used against me and others. The concept of these images shows the joke’s on me because if I can’t find the humour in these situations, I’ll dry up and die. Your offence taken at my hard-won self-acceptance proves that I indeed have something to fight against - people with mental illness ought not to be treated like idiots who deserve no respect. It’s this that I want to bring to the general public’s attention. With Love, Emilie. 

Again, everything is excused by the great irony. It’s ironic, you just don’t get it. It’s all the great irony that seemingly nobody’s intelligent enough to understand. In the past, whenever Emilie said something questionable and people started asking, it’s all been dismissed as “being ironic”, the irony and highly intellectual sarcastic humour that you had to have high IQ to understand! (Take any older interview; Emilie loves to boast about her ironic sense of humour and how nobody understands her.) Also, screw what you feel - Emilie Autumn needs to make fun of mentally ill, drug abusers, plus sized nurses to stay alive. She needs to tell her schizophrenia jokes and pose provocatively upside-down on a wheelchair, cause if she can’t find humour in mocking others, she’ll dry up and die. 

No matter how bad was your experience, no matter if you had spinal injuries, if you were on the verge of death or disability, or actually you are using the wheelchair, just remember that Emilie Autumn’s experience was way worse: she’s been through the hell of standard hospital procedure, the horrible necessity to sit down for a minute in a wheelchair to be transported, and her trauma lives on, this stigma will never end. Questioning the point of her hanging upside down from a wheelchair for a magazine is really offending, cause sexualizing wheelchair is her way of coping with catastrophic trauma of being sat down in a wheelchair for a minute or less. This way, you’re destroying her hard-won self-acceptance. 

“People with mental illness ought not to be treated like idiots who deserve no respect”. That would be very true and important quote, if only it wasn’t put in a context it was put in. Emilie Autumn thinks that being likened to disabled people is offensive, being an able-bodied mentally ill and transported in a wheelchair is offensive, and so having to sit in a wheelchair and being transported is in her opinion being “treated like idiots who deserve no respect”. It’s a really poor choice of words, no matter the intention. If mental illness people ought not to be treated like disabled people, then it sounds like it’s disabled people who are those “idiots who deserve no respect”. I don’t think she truly intended to call disabled people idiots, but the way she said it makes it sound so disgusting.

Take a look at the way she subverts everything. She finds using the wheelchair as a “torture device” of transporting her despite her ability to walk gravely offensive, yet she cannot see how wheelchair users can be offended by her using the wheelchair to pose/perform on. She doesn’t try to understand why would disabled people and wheelchair users be offended by this kind of use of a wheelchair, she immediately turns it all around and accuses TraumaDoll of not getting her refined irony and taking a stab at her “hard-won self-acceptance”. It’s Emilie Autumn that’s the real victim of wheelchairs, right? Being likened to disabled people, getting the same treatment as disabled people, in her opinion (what happened to her was actually a way of transporting typical for every hospital, and being able-bodied has nothing to do with it) is worse than actually being a disabled person?

What the fuck does it really mean? It means that being SO OFFENDED by being transported in wheelchair implies that being compared to physically disabled is a biggest, worst offence to her. Thanks, Emilie. I’m sure your disabled fans are really flattered.

She didn’t really say “fuck you” in this response, but she didn’t really need to. The way it’s written already implies it loudly enough. If you know the way she writes her angry rants, the way she replied on the forums and formulated responses to any sort of criticism in general, then you know what’s hiding behind her words, which are “politely civilized” only on the surface. What she wrote was enough of a slap to the face. “With Love” was a bonus slap.

Manatee R**tard

I don’t use that word and usually if its needed, I’d write the word as above with **, but it’s her own words, so have them in full, as they were written.

„Manatee Retard” is a song written on tour and performed sometimes in 2009. It was a song about Captain Maggots, who was rumoured to be a „special” inmate.

Lyrics:

„Manatee Retard

Manatee Retard

Swimming in the Sea playing ‘round with you and me

Manatee retard

manatee retard

She’s an African dream, an ocean beauty queen

oh oh oh, manatee retard

oh oh oh manatee retard

manatee retard

manatee retard

manatee retard”

 „The real problem is simply that we talk about a lot of things which is good, in our society, which is we can talk about child abuse, and rape, and all that stuff to some degree, but there’s still so much we don’t talk about, largely because we don’t know. One of these things is…well, on the subject of mental illness, we’ve no fucking…I mean, calling someone bipolar is now almost equivalent to calling someone retarded.”

Another thing that caused quite an outrage in the fandom. Emilie has a HUGE problem with women products placed next to baby products in shops. Here’s excerpt from the book. Same thing was said on other platforms such as her forum (2009) and Instagram (2014), but in much harsher words. This time, if we didn’t agree with her, we got called „fucking potatoes”. 

January 16, 2009: In Which There Are Questionable Items In The Feminine Care A

Dearest Plague Rats,

Can anyone tell me what’s wrong with this picture???

[Photo of baby care products next to feminine hygiene products.]

(thanks Shefightslikeagirl for source)

Again:

Britney Spears

 One of the things that really bothered me personally was how she spits at drug addicts and celebrities with mental problems. She constantly made references to Britney Spears and Lindsey Lohan, describing them as „stupid starlets”, „dumb fucks”, stupid fucks loaded on drugs and making fools out of themself. Emilie clearly suffers because of how tabloids call Britney bipolar. She constantly highlighted that the reason Britney behaved the way she did (shaving head, showing tits, etc.) was because she was „fucked up on drugs”, not because she suffered from any sort of mental illness. Now, I’m not a fan of Britney and I don’t know if she indeed has bipolar disorder, but we know she used to have severe mental problems at some point in her life and I think it’s very hurtful and cruel to judge „she doesn’t have this, doesn’t have that” or say she’s „a stupid idiot fucked up on drugs and making fool out of herself”. We don’t know the reasons behind Britney Spear’s behaviour, it might have been drugs, but EA treats drug addicts with real contempt, calling them idiots and whatnot, inventing offensive names for them and blaming them for their own stupidity and blaming then for „giving poor bipolar depressed victimized girls like her a bad name”. Britney Spears and Lindsey Lohan give her bad name, just because they happened to have mental and drug problems and got called „bipolar” by tabloids. It’s not Britney Spear’s fault that tabloids armchair-diagnose her with bipolar disorder or whatever else. Britney Spears doesn’t have any power over what is published about her in magazines. It’s not her fucking responsibility to come out and say „I’m a dumb fuck, I’m just a stupid junkie, please don’t call me bipolar cause Emilie Autumn is gonna cry because of that”. Plus, how the fuck she’s so sure Britney doesn’t actually have bipolar disorder? Does the fact someone uses drugs doesn’t allow you to have bipolar disorder, depression o rany other mental condition? Does the fact your name is Britney Spears and you play kitchy pop music means that you cannot actually have mental illness? Does being a „starlet” scorned by Emilie Autumn and deemed „dumb fuck” exclude you from having the „priviledge” of having super fun and artistic glamorous bipolar disorder? Emilie acts as if Britney Spears couldn’t actually suffer from bipolar disorder, like her actions couldn’t be a result of that illness and like whatever eventual drug problems excluded her from having that mental illness. She considers her a fool that intentionally go out fucked up to get people’s attention and then get called bipolar, and intentionally „give bipolars bad name”. She clearly thinks bipolar is some uncommon issue, a rare artistic disease that only affects artistic, special, chosen people.

Here are quotes both from interviews and journals.

(Bipolar)  “It’s just like a blank, almost insult for someone who’s acting fucking crazy, which essentially is doing something stupid.”

(Curve Magazine)

“The thing is that bi-polar disorder/manic depression, to begin with, is so intensely misunderstood in a way that really affects people and really matters.  It doesn’t help if you’ve got people in Hollywood – Britney shaving her head and showing her whatever-the-hell (I couldn’t think of a clever word to call that right now) we’ve all seen it a million times, and not just with her.  Basically, a famous person behaves badly and the next day in the paper, they start calling her bi-polar.  It’s like “Oh my God, she acted crazy, she must be bi-polar.”  It’s almost like calling somebody a retard.

Yeah, it’s like saying “That bitch is insane, she’s acting all bi-polar” and the thing is, no, they’re hopped up on drugs, that’s what.  They might be miserable, and they might have good reason to be, but they’re not bi-polar – that’s something entirely different.  This condition has made me try to kill myself, but it’s never made me get out of a cab without underwear or shave my head.  It made me cut my hair, but that was different – I left a few inches on there.”

(Glade Magazine)

 January 12, 2008: I throw up my hands…

“Hmmm…Suffer’s kidnapping and my plot for revenge has undoubtedly put me into a foul mood, something not entirely unassisted by my having been unable (happy “un” day) to refill my myriad drug prescriptions while on tour leaving me still unmedicated (which, in accordance with the public’s positively moronic understanding of bi-polar disorder, and yes, that is the exact same thing as manic-depression, folks, means that I ought to be out fucking some paparazzo guy whose name I can’t pronounce and jetting off to Mexico after shaving my head and getting myself kicked out of the Four Seasons every night)…but this would do in anybody’s day, UNless of course, as I’ve said before, you’re a fucking potato (would you be surprised if I told you just how many letters I’ve received from good people telling me, “Although according to you I’m a "fucking potato” - insert UNnecessary *wink* here - I’m a big F-A-N"):

 As long is no one’s biting their tongue today, I will confess that I HAVE gotten into trouble at the Four Seasons, and Lady Joo Hee can confirm it…I was refilling our champagne flutes during high tea with the vanilla vodka I had stashed in my sarcastic pink thermos, and waiter boy didn’t like it, poor thing…best day evah!

Hey, Brit Brit, I’m on my way!

p.p.s.

Note To The Press: Being Bipolar doesn’t make you do any of the things that the Hollywood fucked-up are doing. Being a drug addict does. There’s a big difference. And it’s days like these that give me the slightest splinter of a reminder of why in the hell I am writing a book about it. So, please, remind me of this day when it comes out and I can’t quite recall why I went to the trouble.”

(From forum journal)

Potato - A derogatory slang term used to describe the mentally handicapped.

And now we’re coming to another closely related subject, which is Emilie’s very visible disgust for drug addicts.

Emilie’s feelings towards drug addicts

I screened that next quote and seemingly forgot to save it and I can’t find it now, sorry. But I remember that at some point she says specifically:

„These people might have taken a lot of drugs, but I actually tried to kill myself. Which is more crazy?”

Yeah, sure Emilie, you gain upper hand in this argument. Those people might have taken a lot of drugs, but you win this round because you tried suicide, yes, you’re more crazy, congratulations. (Hey… didn’t she actually say she’s NOT crazy? Decide for once.) As if people abusing drugs don’t try to commit suicide. As if they weren’t suicidal, didn’t use the substance they abuse to try to kill themselves. Their whole drug use is a long suicide in some way or another. People are drugs are just stupid, irritating, REALLY CRAZY honest to god lunatics, who are too stupid to actually have any idea of themselves, to have feelings and to ponder the oh so inteligent question „to be or not to be”.

There's no word on her being officialy "lunatic", i.e. mentally ill. Even if Kara is indeed mentally ill in some way, it's pretty disappointing how Emilie categorizes and judges illnesses - depression and bipolar disorder patients are perfectly sane, it's so offesive to call them crazy lunatics, this title is reserved for such oddities like schizophrenics and drug users. Emilie is not "crazy", she's always "stark raving sane", it's junkies that are crazy and violent lunatics. Kara's biggest fault is mostly being loud and too talkative for Emilie's liking, flirting with guards, talking out loud what she thinks. She shouted at staff, but her curses and other words didn't hurt anyone nor threaten anyone's safety, she got ignored just like every screaming patient gets ignored. She's detoxing from crack and it would be honestly surprising if she acted polite and satisfied. I’d like to notice that Emilie shouted and lashed out at hospital staff, nurses and doctors a lot of times too. She loudly cursed and „raved” too, yet she doesn’t deem her outrage „violent” or nonsensical (excuse me, in what way exactly „If leaches ate peaches” was more sensible and intelligent that whatever shit shouted by Kara?). Is her screaming fit directed at Sharpe really that much different?

Notice that Emilie calls Kara mad from the very beginning, when she’s done as little as asking for mixed juice. No matter what she does or says, Emilie documents everything with a great joy and reserves almost entire page for calling her offensive names. She hears that guards are violent towards her and she doesn’t have a sympathy for her. So where’s your Fight Like a Girl attitude, Emilie? Where is condemnation of misogyny and abuse? It’s horrible when men are abusive and violent towars women, UNLESS they are drug addicts?

If you don’t view this as problematic, you’re very delusional. She’s got real issues and real prejudices against drug users.

Romanticizing of bipolar disorder

 There’s a lot of weird things she says about bipolar disorder, she often acts as one true medium of bipolar disorder, some sort of proffesor specialized in bipolar disorder, knowing everything. She can only be an expert on her own bipolar disorder experiences, but just because she experiences this and that doesn’t mean every person suffering from bipolar experiences same things as her. That’s what i feel about her madeup „statistics” on three out of four bipolars jumping out of the window, or that „there’s a bipolar phenomenon that every bipolar person in the world wakes u pat 4 o’clock!!!” What you have in mind is insomnia, not that a „bipolar thing is to wake u pat 4 o’clock on the fucking dot”. That’s bullshit, but not most irritating of everything she said on the matter. 

What unnerves me more is her glamourization of bipolar disorder. While she describes her struggles and downsides of the illness in lenght, she often praises bipolar, talks how it opens some special doors, how incredible it is, etc. She mentiones being bipolar in EVERY DAMN INTERVIEW, before even speaking about music. She’s the one that called herself „famously bipolar” in her own fucking biography promo description.

Some of these are just rather realistic descriptions of bipolar disorder and benefits of manic phases, but if you look at the sheer AMOUNT of bipolar mentions, bipolar talk being the staple of almost every interview, to the point where she sometimes brings up fucking word in word same sentences, as if she recited it from the memory (same as FLAG talk, same as “classic music selling less than jazz, and it’s really fucking low”)... (Well, I tried bringing you more “varied” answers at least):

“So when it comes to bi-polar, anxiety, whatever it takes you to this whole another world of creativity that is never ending.”

“It puts you on another planet a bit to where you see things differently. You know, the sunlight looks different, everything looks different and it makes you a very dramatic person which then leads to…it’s like other people hear a leaf fall, and you hear a house crash. That’s something that makes you…you have this intensity of experiences that need to be let out. You just see things differently which have a unique point of view which then makes it slightly interesting. Still unfortunate - I’d still trade it in for anything else but, while it’s here, I’m going to use it for all it’s worth so that I’m not a victim of it.”

(Metal Discovery interview)

“It is, and that’s because nobody understands it.  I know that I’m derailing, but it’s fun to talk about the whole bi-polar thing for a second.

So I could either try to live a normal life and be 9-5, whatever, and have background checks and psychiatric evaluations and have that matter, or I can take everything and make it my career.  Now it’s like:  how can you fuck with that; it’s what we’re making money off of, and that’s a beautiful thing*.  I’m honestly pretty proud of that, because I’m not ashamed of anything.”

(Glide magazine)

 *She sure made a lot of money off of that, lol.

“As a writer, a creative person, [bipolar disorder] gives you access to a place that you would not otherwise be able to go to.”

Interviewer: You’re often described as being “famously bipolar,” so I wasn’t sure if all the drama was just part of the show.

“No, that was all completely legit. It is kind of funny – and I’m not ashamed of this in any way – that a large part of what I’ve fortunately been able to figure out and build a career around”

(wrestling with pop culture interview)

Here’s one of those repetitive answers:

 “That access to a particular portal of creative awesomeness,” she says. “When you’re writing on the ceiling because you can’t find enough paper to contain your thoughts.” Countered, unfortunately, by long periods of bleak depression. “So it isn’t a good tradeoff — no high is worth that kind of suicidal low,” she says.”

I want to make it clear that despite all that, she usually adds the bad sides of bipolar and she admits it’s not worth this kind of low, as stated above. But that’s too much of talking on one subject only nonetheless – nearly every interviewer, no matter if he asked or not, has to listen to her ramblings on being bipolar. I don’t think i know any other artist that boasts about his bipolar disorder on every occasion or brings it up as much as Emilie.

There’s a photo from 2012 where she shows her „bipolar pin”, literally a button pin with both  :)   and   :(   emoticons and „Certified bipolar” text. It was really in a bad taste – wearing your illness as some sort of badge of honor or a title earned at your local scout meeting. I think the pin was stylized as this exactly, a scout badge, something to proudly wear around.

(If you happen to have this particular photo I’m talking about, please send it to me!)

 Emilie’s bipolar disorder vs „normal depression” and downgrading depression

“Depression is serious business, but it’s something you can develop through life. Bipolar disorder is completely genetic. You’re either born with it or you’re not and there’s no getting rid of it through any amount of medication. It’s always going to be there, but it’s a matter of deciding after so much incarceration and suicide attempts, if you’re going to die or if you’re going to fight and live.”

It’s not true bipolar disorder is strictly genetic, like you’re sentenced to bipolar from the beginning of your life. It can appear at some point in life due to stress, long drug use (it’s a chemistry after all, it changes your brain), some other lesions and other mental problems. Environmental risk factors include a history of childhood abuse and long-term stress. It’s not true it only happens when you have a history of bipolar disorder in your family. Causes of bipolar disorder are still not clearly understood, but the fact is a lot of different factors and environments make an ill person and saying it’s ONLY genetic isn’t really correct. Plus, i hate how she literally highlights that because of genetics, whe’s sort of doomed for this fate since her fake great-great-great-grandmother Alice Liddel, while “mere depression can be developed”, “depression can be easily treated”.

Emilie’s descriptions on people with other mental illnesses

(Reminder: Emilie considers herself mad, but also not insane, because bipolar is not crazy, she’s „stark raving sane”.)

 It can just be about taking a person of any sort and can be as simple as bringing them this enjoyment or taking someone who has some serious problems and maybe reminding them while having a sexy sparkling fun time in one small way relying on your individuality to carry you through crazy times or not paying attention to a bunch of doctors who tell you that you are insane just because you do certain things doesn’t necessary mean that you are crazy. Because you are bi-polar doesn’t mean that you are crazy. Crazy is a whole different term.

Who is „crazy” then?

Again, she’s „sad”, other illnesses are „dangerous”.

Now, brace yourself for one specific illness that got slandered in quite a lenght…

Schizophrenia

Schizophrenia part 2/ Emilie’s „jokes”

Emilie has a penchant for making „mental illness jokes”. She gets hellishly offended when someone says anything on her bipolar disorder, but it’s totally fine for her to make jokes on conditions she doesn’t have and certainly doesn’t understand. By the way, if you look at her schizophrenia jokes, you’ll see she’s quite misinformed about what schizophrenia is.

Yes, you do hear voices when suffering from schizophrenia. But you DON’T take on a 2nd persona, different to your usual personality. Developing unconscious personalities is a symptom of dissociative identity disorder. If you want more Wikipedia sort of description:

Dissociative identity disorder (DID), previously known as multiple personality disorder (MPD), is a mental disorder characterized by the maintenance of at least two distinct and relatively enduring personality states. The illness is accompanied by memory gaps beyond what would be explained by ordinary forgetfulness.

(taken from Troll Like a Girl, the quote comes from Opheliac Deluxe Edition.)

Ok, you don’t find this offensive? Try putting yourself in a schizophrenic person’s shoes. I know EA offended a lot of schizophrenic people. And even if you don’t have schizophrenia, nothing gives you permission to make fun of it or dismiss it. Or speak for everyone and claim that something is “not offensive for schizophrenics”, ESPECIALLY if you don’t have schizophrenia. 

Next joke:

Here’s an opinion of a person actually having OCD, plus something that’s probably never been discussed this way:

You can hear all that and more here, by the end of the video. “What illnesses you do NOT have”... How funny...

So, are they lighthearted jokes? Emilie’s „way of coping”? She claims it’s her way of coping, in order to not go mad, to not go and blow her head and drown herself, etc. and so on. We’ve heard it all in her interviews, right. Yeah, her way of coping is basically offending sufferers of other illnesses. Emilie, if you like joking about yourself so much, why don’t you joke about your bipolar disorder instead of someone else’s illnesses, which you don’t understand? Why do YOU get so mad when someone jokes at your own disorder? That’s literally degrading someone else’s illness to feel better about your own. That’s low even for you.

_______

You’d probably protect Emilie saying „But it’s sarcasm! She’s just showing victorian standards and victorian obsession with madness! But she herself speaks against romanticizing of mental illness in the book!” Yes, she speaks negatively about victorian and modern examples of romanticizng of mental illness, but at the same time she doesn’t preach what she speaks, she romanticizes it herself. She spoke about downsides and suffering of mental illness in lenght, but she also wrote and repeatedly said A LOT of very problematic things, including stuff that is apparent glamourizing of madness and ESPECIALLY self-harm. I will sacrifice a lot of space for dissection of her Cutting Diary.

Romanticizing of cutting and self-harm

 ***(TRIGGER WARNING! Please don’t read if you find this topic triggering, there’s A LOT of glamourization of cutting.)***

Yeah, Cutting Diary. While I don’t think it’s 100 % bullshit and she noted a lot of accurate observations (especially on how society views cutting and self-harm), she wrote a ton of questionable things in that diary that, no matter what her intentions were, sound pretty fucked up. And I think intentions are clear, she spoke her mind so clearly that there is really no point in further making excuses for her, attempts at finding explanations for the shit she wrote or saying that „she didn’t mean it, it was sarcastic” – there was no sarcasm when she repeatedly called bleeding „beautiful”. I’m aware a lot of people never had a chance to read it in full (I’m talking to 4th edition book owners now – your book contains next to nothing from original story in case of Emilie Autumn’s story, she cut out at least a good half of hospital entries and she deleted basically entirety of her diaries, only leaving 10 or so scant tiny fragments, filed as „Evidence of insanity”), I’m aware some never read it because of trigger factor or never re-reads it anymore because of that. If you feel triggered by Cutting Diary/Drug Diary/Suicide Diary, I advice you to leave out this section. But if you look for specific examples of her glorifying self-harm with paragraphs and words highlighted, as well a bit of commentary, here in Cutting Diary excerpts you will find all that and more. As I said, not everything in that diary is shitty, some of her opinions are very accurate, it’s worth reading it to form your opinion (but not if reading on self-harm is triggering to you). But the fragments I posted speak volumes, that’s best examples you will find.

She explains her reasons and feelings and how horribly self-harmers are treated by society very clearly and a lot of what she says is true. What is problematic however are passages where she clearly becomes enchanted (sorry for the pun...) with some sort of „beauty of cutting”, she thinks cutting and bleeding is beautiful, uses a lot of pretty comparisons and words and expresses her pride of her new cuts.

This very attitude of "scarring so they see my pain/illness" is the reason that honestly depressed and struggling self-harmers get accused of being emo phase attention whores. I don’t think Emilie started cutting purely for show, I believe, like a lot of cutters, looked for a way of escapism. But if she’s done it as a „fuck off” for all people asking, a visible proof of authenticity of her manic depression... that’s questionable and naive at the very least.

 I used to cut a lot, but I never deemed my blood flow „beautiful”, „something to be proud of” or a meaningful „artwork”. I didn’t collect my bloody tissues. I didn’t have a treausured cutting kits or favourite „tools”. My family used to take and throw my razors away. They also hid/threw out all the razors in the house, shaving razors, etc. They did that because they were worried and hoped lack of razors might stop me from cutting at least for a while. I would never throw a hissy fit about someone throwing out „my favourite razor” or „beautiful artwork masterpiece and whole year documentation of Top 20 cuts on my body”. I wouldn’t make threats like „this bitch better watches her back”. This is fucking ridiculous. If there’s ONE thing embarassing about it all (and I will always fight anyone calling cutting yourself embarassing, or cringey emo phase, or wanting attention), it’s this particular thing, raging at someone because she threw out your favourite razor, probably living in a cozy little bed made of victorian matchbox and called Mr. Thompson or Mr. Wilde, plus a true modern art of papers filled with „beautiful droplets of crimson tears”. This is fucked up and this I would count to the list of glamourization of cutting.

I have somewhat mixed feelings about her want to have scars left, re-cutting the old wounds so that they become more visible, or worrying about scars that are fading away too fast. I think self-harmers just concentrate on the action of cutting, to feel the pain that would allow them to escape psychological pain, not on „wanting scars”. That’s so fucked up. I can’t fucking imagine any cutter being GLAD that they have visible scars. Or STRIVING to get more scars, more visible. Scars left after cutting are a real torment to both ex-cutters and ongoing cutters because of how society treats cutters. It’s a thing that fills them with a huge amount of shame and self-disgust, all those problems with covering wrists/other parts with clothes, worrying what if somebody notices, what if somebody asks, what if your friends notice and mock you and leave you. As a person constantly asked „What happened to your arms?” by complete strangers, mocked, called „emo” and „attention seeker” by people I used to call „friends”, eventually left by those fucking idiots AND as a person that has scars so deep and visible that after almost 9 years are very much apparent (because they’re healed white scars that won’t ever fade, they’ll stay forever), EA’s whole fucking want to have scars, to make them visible, to use them to let everybody show she’s sick and unapproachable, this is fucking disgusting.

I don’t think she still has this mindset anymore, but what she wrote in Cutting Diary is fucked up.

Asexual discorse

 Ever since 2003-2005 Emilie claimed she’s asexual. The problem with her identifying as asexual is her definitione of being asexual, which is as faulty as it could be.

Here is right definitione of asexuality.

Asexuality is the lack of sexual attraction to others, or low or absent interest in or desire for sexual activity.[1][2][3] It may be considered a sexual orientation or the lack thereof.[4][5] It may also be categorized more widely to include a broad spectrum of asexual sub-identities.[6]

Asexuality is distinct from abstention from sexual activity and from celibacy,[7][8] which are behavioral and generally motivated by factors such as an individual's personal, social, or religious beliefs.[9] Sexual orientation, unlike sexual behavior, is believed to be "enduring".[10] Some asexual people engage in sexual activity despite lacking sexual attraction or a desire for sex, due to a variety of reasons, such as a desire to pleasure themselves or romantic partners, or a desire to have children.[7][11]

 Emilie's definition of asexuality:

About your sexuality; what are your tendencies? Are you hetero, bi, lesbian…?

“I think for the most part I feel asexual, which is a kind like you are not completely attracted to either men or women, is in between spaces which is almost as to be bisexual, because you don’t have a real choice. I’ve been with men, of course, but I love women so much (and you can see it on stage) …and that’s what men think: “oh, this is what women do?” that doesn’t make me a lesbian, it’s just what happened. But at the same time there’s a part that I don’t like, and is to don’t be on only one side, because it makes me confuse.  And often I watch all from the outside, and I watch all as it is fine, and I respect it. I’m just proud that more and more people show their own tendencies and sexuality in a more free way, I speak even about my shows, where there’s a “lesbian marriage” every night. We started like a joke, and it develop in a very good thing, where people feel more and more comfortable to show themselves.”

Then, suddenly this happened:

Ok, if you didn’t dislike sex, if you were attracted sexually to others, then you weren’t asexual. From what i understand, she had a lot of boyfriends that happened to be bad at bed and suddenly she met someone who wasn’t and she needed to tell everyone in the world… It’s good she finally said she isn’t asexual, cause it would be ridiculous if she still claimed to be, but it’s just that she was misinformed/didn’t care to actually read wtf that means. That’s it – that’s the whole asexual thing.

  Additional stuff, more or less discussed, also problematic

Say that to women who had to part with their breasts because of cancer...

Idk about you, but it’s the choice of photo that bothers me. This i san article compiling all the bad shit that happened to her – rape, abuse, depression, contrasted with info on sexuality AND a sexy photo session, with EA putting her finger between her mouth. I think we’re all not surprised that when asked about „what’s inside her mind”, she will 100 % bring up bipolar, supplemented with rape and abuse. But this is fucked up. You have all that horrible traumatic stuff and it’s accompanied by sexy semi-lingerie photo. It changes the sound of it all dramatically, it makes it sound as if she lists all the traumatic stuff and make it look her sexy points. Like romanticizing. I don’t know who chose that photo for this article, it might as well be Kerrang’s fault. She made that „Queen of Hearts” costume specifically for Kerrang photoshoot. I don’t know if she had that costume specifically in mind for this particular article. But it’s her own words, her own costume and her chosen pose. Idk whose fault is this, but it looks kinda distasteful. It make it read like „hey, I’m Emilie Autumn, i’m super hot, and these are my super hot mental issues, and rape and abuse, wink wink”.

Analogical situation: combination of heavy subject, suicide, with sexy suggestive pose. Sarcastic? Ironic? Still kinda odd. It didn’t bother me before, but now it lowkey does.

„Lithium chic” fashion. Her sarcastic t-shirts with puns very intended. At the time it seemed super witty and smart. After you grow up a bit, it’s not so cute anymore.

„Lithium chic” is a play on „heroin chic”, a fashion trend of 90s, which is a look promoted by huge fashion designers. Those designers not only started making „grunge” collections (a style based on flannel shirts, a common element of wardrobe of so called „grunge” scene of punk/alt rock bands like Nirvana, Mudhoney, Melvins, Tad, Mother Love Bone and their fans, bands coming not only from Seattle but also up to 100 kms away from Seattle, who wore flannels because of warmth and weather factor, not because that was in „fashion” where they lived – designers of course took it and thought it’s genuine real fashion trend), but also created a „heroin” look based on what they thought is the look of girls addicted to heroin. That look involved hot models putting fake grease in their hair, heavy smeared make up, ripped clothes and heavy boots and generally being almost anorexically thin. It was a straight up glamourization of heroin addicts.

Does it make it any better if it’s sarcastic? No matter what were EA’s intentions, it’s still tank tops with mental illness puns, it’s still making a fashion statement out of serious issues. 

Personally, i didn’t pay much attention to that matter. I remember how everybody loved those tanks... It seemed so witty at the time. People actually wanted her to sell that kind of t-shirts/tanks. Can you imagine yourself parading in that kind of tanks now? I’d honestly feel pretty stupid.

 I think good part of fans/ex-fans will dismiss this case, ignore or like those tanks nonetheless. Tbh, it’s not the most offensive thing she’s ever done. I don’t feel anything when I look at those tanks, aside from the fact that I think now it’s rather distasteful. It’s up to you to decide if it’s offensive to you. But it’s still something that CAN be called problematic and deserves its place here. What I find most fucked up is wearing your depression medice as a fashion statement. It’s just as cringey as wearing „I love cocaine” t-shirt. Who the fuck cares what you take?

This really irritates me:

Final words

My finishing 2 cents:

Laughing at mentally ill and mentally disabled, or considering songs like „Manatee R****d” cute and funny really does say a lot about your maturity and empathy. Downsizing and dismissing something just for your own comfort, because you’re „bored” or uncomfortable, says a lot too. Don’t tell others what to be or not to be offended by. You’re not everyone and you don’t make rules for what is internationally offensive or acceptable. There could be literally one single person in the world hurt by EA’s words and it STILL always be be hurtful words. The fact that someone else got offended is enough. Your “but it’s not offensive” has nothing to do here and doesn’t change that fact - it is offensive when it offended someone. Same with her idiotic claims. Emilie doesn't decide that she's not racist - if she clearly said something racist and silenced POC, and offended black (and other) people, the fact remais that she said something racist and behaved racist, no matter what she'd like to think. Even if her intentions aren't purely racist, ableist, fatphobic from the start, it's her actions that scream the most. It's her actions that showcase what she really is. And her actions paint a really unflattering image.

To those eager to excuse EA’s behaviour with bipolar disorder, EA’s own words:

Something to think about:

Thank you for listening. Feel free to take scans/excerpts for other platforms if you need certain proof, share and discuss. 

And a little bonus:

#emilie autumn #emilie autumn problems #emilie autumn drama #ableism #fatshaming #emilieautumn #opheliac #the asylum for wayward victorian girls #the asylum #plague rats

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #300

that’s a lot of time wasted, lmao

If you were a witch, which animal would be your familiar? Could I have like, a melanistic barn owl? That'd be dope. They're fuckin gorgeous. If there's a design on your shirt, what is it? Ha, speaking of owls... Would you ever visit a ghost town? MOTHERFUCKER would I. Bringing my camera, too. What would you do if you found out your life was only a simulation controlled by someone else? I have a very much Detroit: Become Human (phenomenal game, btw) outlook on this: I think, therefore I am. It honestly wouldn't affect me terribly. I sure would hate my creator though, jfc, lmao. What's the scariest thing you've accidentally found on the internet? Okay so there is this one video filmed by some guys who had this really strange, sulking guy in black stalking them, and it ends with the suspected murderer slinking over to the guys (who were by this point finding it almost funny, due to how the man was acting) and charging with a knife, I think, once he was very close. I believe the men were never found afterwards. It is SO goddamn unnerving. Is there anything bothering you right now? Not to be a Negative Nancy, but when isn't there lmao. Thinking of every Halloween costume you've had, which one was the most creative? I never had creative ones, really. What's the picture on your calendar for this month? I don't have a relevant calender, just old meerkat ones on a wall in my room. If you were a mythical creature, which would you be? As much as I love dragons, they're targeted too much in fantasy to kill, so let's not, haha. Being a dryad would be cool. Or druid. Either/or. If you were an animal, which would you be? A housecat, ig. Were you ever bullied when you were younger and how did you handle it? I consider myself very lucky to have not been. Have you ever thrown something away and then wanted it back? Okay so it's "deleted" versus "thrown away," technically, but there are two senior prom pictures in specific I desperately want back because fuck my low self-esteem, I look beautiful in them and so damn happy. I even tried Facebook restore programs that supposedly recovered all pictures you ever removed, but I couldn't salvage them. I'm still pissed about it, haha. What's one random city you want to visit? I don't have a specific city, per se. More so just countries in general. If you owned a store, what would you most likely sell? I think owning a pet supply store would be really cool, with some animals that are actually very well-cared for, unlike chain pet stores. I HATE those, vehemently. So unspeakably ignorant and neglectful. If you had a garden, what sort of plants would you grow? I don't want a garden, but hypothetically, I'd love orchids, dahlias, tiger lilies, a weeping willow tree, some strawberries... What's your favorite phase of the moon? Full, of course. What's the song for your life right now? I've felt extremely connected to Seether's "Weak" lately. Do you believe that when you die, you get to see all your loved ones again? I hope so... Who would you be the most excited to see? DO I ACTUALLY NEED TO ANSWER THIS QUESTION?????????? Do you enjoy reading National Geographic magazines? If I'm like, sitting in a waiting room and they're available, I'll go for them. Do you know anyone who's serving in the military right now? Welcome to the South, baby. The boys graduate, they're going straight for the military. I only have one real friend who was one but left tho because he fucking hated it. Does or did either of your parents serve in the military? No. Has anything in your house ever caught on fire? Not in this house, no. As a small child, did you ever feel as if you were different or weird? Absofuckinglutely. I have A LOT of bad memories of instances where I felt like "the weird kid." Can you say "happy birthday" in another language? Omg... I forgot the German phrase. Wow, I'm rusty. What subjects do you or did you get the worst grades in? Math. Do you have photos to go with all of the contacts in your phone? I don't have pictures that go with any. Who was the last person to comment on one of your photos on Facebook and how did you meet that person? I just checked, and it was my friend Summer. I met her because she was actually first friends with my younger sister in pre-k, but we grew closer than they did in our teen years. What career paths are you considering? I just want to be a photographer. So badly. But I've felt super, super discouraged lately. Do you watch music videos? I pretty much never do, but rather listen through the artists' Topic uploads or lyric videos. I don't generally like official music videos because they tend to have other sounds/parts/breaks/etc. in them that distract from the song. Have you ever clicked on those banner ads that promise a prize for clicking? Probably by accident at some point in time. What kind of computer are you using? Acer Nitro. What kind of computer do you wish you were using? I'm fine with what I have. Have you ever had a weight change so drastic you went to the doctor? .-. How cold does it have to be before you put on a sweater? Depends on how long I'll be outside, but in most situations, in the 50s. Do you eat things off the floor? Um, ew. Who do people say you look like? My sisters. Do you usually get your homework done on time? When I was in school, I was very serious about having my homework finished by the date it was due. Have you ever framed your old movie ticket stubs? I've kept some, but never framed any. Do you have a digital camera? A Canon, yeah. Have you ever stuck something inappropriate in an electrical outlet? Bitch I ain't tryna get electrocuted. How many days has it been since your last birthday? My b-day is actually coming up soon; the 5th of February. Do you want any more siblings than you have now? Well, considering both my parents (and stepmom) are in their 50s... How easily shocked are you? VERY. I am extremely jumpy and on edge at like all times. You like the color blue, don't you? I mean yeah. Particularly the lighter tints. Who was the last person who asked you something that made you think? My therapist REEEEAAAALLY makes me do this. She's an absolute pro at getting me to dig deep into myself. Ever fired a gun? No, and I don't want to. From 1-10, how would you rate your cooking skills? Is 0 an option? Do you notice the heat or the cold more? HEAT, JESUS FUCK. It can be one or two degrees above what I consider stable and I'll be sweating. I'm hypersensitive to it I know from being in such a consistent temperature in my room like 24/7. Do you believe in miracles? Probably no. What hurts more: scratches or bites? Bites, if you're talking serious ones. Do you prefer rabbits to mice? No, mice (and especially rats) are absolutely amazing, intelligent animals. Bonus points for being mega cute too, though I do find rabbits cuter. Who out of all the people you know reasonably well is the most "dark?" Sara, haha. Favorite chocolate-based candy? Reese's. Do you call anyone babe or baby? My pets sometimes. Name me a food you used to like that you now don't: Peas, olives. Name me a food you now like but never used to: Mashed potatoes, IF prepared very well (by my standards, obviously). Would you rather live in Europe, The US, or Australia? By this point, take me to Europe. If it wouldn't be such a huge life change and leaving so many people, I would 120% move to Canada, but out of these, Europe will do. Would you rather have a big house, a lot of kids, or a high flying job? Give me the high-flying job, 100%. I don't want kids, and I have no need for a large house. Is crime a big problem in your area? Oh yes. What’s your town/city most well-known for? By the locals, being the crime hub, actually, lol. Name 5 objects that you don’t have but would like right now: Hmmm... I want a 40g tank as an upgrade for Venus, a gaming chair for when I turn the extra room into my "office" so I don't destroy my back sitting there, new glasses and a driving permit, and don't forget a gd tattoo needle pounding my skin. :^) If you were given the choice to choose your child’s gender, would you? Yes, I would absolutely want a girl just because IF I wanted kids, I'd want a daughter named Alessandra. Do you get along well with your family doctor/your doctor? Yeah, she's nice. What types of soups do you like? None. If a color could reflect your current mood, which would it be? Grayish blue. The last time you saw fireworks? I really don't know; it's been years, at least. Have you ever gone to a movie premiere? Possibly for Silent Hill: Revelation, but I'm not certain. Who was the last person to make you laugh out loud? My mom, because she made me remember something funny. What was the last commercial you heard selling? *shrug* Do you prefer fairly common names or a bit out of the ordinary ones? Oh, definitely rare and unique ones. Would you rather have a pet cat, dog, horse or tortoise? At this current time, a dog for Mom, which we're actually probably getting. She misses having one super badly. Is your laugh loud, normal or very silent? My laugh is loud and obnoxious as fuck. What are you interested in that most people would be surprised to know? Tarantulas, probably. I love them, even though spiders kinda scare me. Last movie you watched the whole way through? Elf, I think, with Sara's fam. What's your favorite fruit? Strawberries are where it's at. Last time you drank coffee? I've only ever sipped coffee to try to see if I liked it. Never have. I THINK I last took a sip of Sara's when we went on a breakfast date? Has anyone ever called you rich? Calling me rich would be entirely ludicrous. What makes you feel beautiful? Nothing. How many bathrooms are in your house? Two. Last time you were on a plane and where did you go? A couple years ago, coming home from Illinois. Favorite flavor muffin? Uggghhhh chocolate. Do you prefer stripes or polka dots? Polka dots. I tend to find circles visually appealing. Did you take Music when you were in school? I think all the elementary school students did. I was also in band in middle and high school; I played the flute. Why did you last feel like crying? I'm just sick of how my life is going. Do you find being alone with strangers scary, interesting, or indifferent? I find it either awkward or terrifying, depending on the gender. It's not a willing thing or intended sexism whatsoever, I'm just naturally afraid of men. Do your initials spell a legitimate word? If so, what? No. Does someone’s background affect whether you'll be friends with them or not? Well, it depends on what they've done. How about their religious background? No. If someone admitted cheating in a past relationship of theirs, would you trust them? Nope, bye. Did you ever want to be a cook as a kid? No. How about a fashion designer? No. Do you prefer fire or ice? Fire aesthetically, but ice is certainly less intimidating. When happy, do you become more talkative? OH yes. Are you offended easily by non-politically correct language? No, really. I wouldn't say derogatory terms, but I really don't understand why most people put so much weight into a single made-up word. But again, you won't hear that language coming out of my mouth because I understand that it just does hurt some people, and I respect that. Do you think the censors/fcc go a bit too far or are just right? It's gone overboard, imo. What's your I.Q? I don't want to know, haha. Have you ever taken a martial art? Which one{s}? No. Do you know anyone who is scared of you? Um, no. What person who has died would you bring back and why? Probably Steve Irwin. His children have done FUCKING FANTASTIC at carrying on his legacy and purpose, but I feel he could've taught the world so much more than he had time to... Do you like watermelon? No. Too watery. Can you remember the month of your first kiss? Yes, actually. March. What do you think is the most interesting thing about you? I'm unsure, really. Do you like being complimented or does it make you uncomfortable? Both. What artist's paintings do you find the most beautiful? This is an impossible question. What about the most disturbing? Oh man, I watch this one person on deviantART that makes especially creepy artwork. I follow a loooot of dark artists, though, so it's difficult to pick. Have you ever gone to a camp or summer school? A church-related summer thing, yes, as a kid. What was your favorite cartoon as a child? Pokemon was/is where it's at. What was your biggest fear as a child? Thunderstorms, holy shit. Would you rather be able to fly or breathe underwater? Be able to breathe underwater. What about invisibility or mindreading? Definitely invisibility. Mindreading would just... suck. Hurt. Especially if you couldn't control it. Which stereotype do you dislike the most? Good question, considering I hate a shit ton. Can you remember all your past teachers names? No, not all of them. Do you like talent shows? Which ones? I don't mind watching 'em. I particularly used to love America's Got Talent. Have you ever failed an important exam? In what? Yes; I failed horribly at my final math exam the last time I was in school. Are you on any meds? Too many. Just way too many for someone my age. I'm really starting to think I'm over-medicated to where it's dulling my senses, feelings, and also destroying my memory. But I kinda need like... all of them. I'm talking to my psychiatrist in just a couple days though, actually, and I'm going to talk to him about maybe trying to wean me off my OCD med, since I haven't had big symptoms in a long time. I wanna see how I deal without it. What color is your razor? Black and orange. What is your fave frozen treat? Just the classic ice cream. Which supermarket do you like to shop at? We tend to get our groceries from Wal-Mart. Do you struggle to say ‘no’ to things you don’t want to do? YESSIREE. Are you friends with someone a lot of people dislike? I don't think there's anyone that is widely disliked, no. Have you ever had to deal with someone close to you going off to war? No, thankfully. Other than yourself, who did you last buy something for? Mom. What's something you complain about frequently? My legs hurting. It's hard to ignore when taking one step is painful. Have you ever talked about your period with a guy? Were they okay with it, or grossed out? I certainly haven't talked about it in-depth, but it's been mentioned in some way when I was with Jason. I mean we were together for three and a half years, sexually active (and I ain't doing jackshit if it's that time of the month), and I spent as much time with him as possible, so... it woulda came up. I'm sure he was indifferent about it, he was a mature guy. Have you ever been to an Asian (any type) market? If so, what is the closest one to you? No. I've never even heard of one around here. Have you ever slept with a member of the opposite sex without having sex? Back up two questions, haha. That was normal. How would you feel if your significant other had tattoos? Shit man, I love tattoos. I'd obviously not care. How have you been feeling today? Depressed. Where’s your phone right now? On my chest. I'm lying down. Is there a certain person that makes you feel safe? ugh When you drink alcohol with friends, do you play drinking games? I never have. What are the best kind of Girl Scout cookies? I don't remember their names, honestly... but the chocolate and peanut butter ones come to mind.

#survey #surveys #questions

[mersuperwholocked-lowlife]

Prompt List

So, I decided to make an official prompt list. So, when I open requests, you can use a prompt from here, or just send me whatever you want. You can check out what I write before

1). “This is who I am, I know I’m a monster but I can’t change who I am.”

2.) “What’s a motto?” “I don’t know what’s the motto with you.”

3.) “How many fucking times do you think I’m going to let myself go through this again?”

4.) “Do you know what it’s like to go to bed every day to escape your demons only to find new ones haunting you?” 

5.) “Dude, that was crazy! I didn’t think that would work.” “Me neither.”

6.) “Are you sure I can’t punch him in the face?” “Yes“ “Damn it.”

7.) ”I don’t need your forgiveness, and I’m way past asking for your permission”

8.) “It hurts me that you can lie to me so easily. It hurts that you always lie to me. When can I have the truth? Is it too much to ask for?”

9.) “I’ve been telling her not to, it’s not my fault that she’s a prick and can’t do shit when she’s told to.”

10.) “Do you ever think about everything you’ve done in your life? How do you not hate yourself?

11.) “I’m not proud of much, but I’m proud of you.”

12.) “If you’re here, and he’s here, then who the hell is making all that ruckus in my bedroom?”

13.) “Please forgive me.”

14.) “Let her. Let her kill me. Let her hurt me. I deserve it.”

15.) “P-Please hold me.”

16.) “That is false.”

17.) “I-I can’t remember what I did yesterday or what I did today. I-I don’t know where I am.”

18.) “You were supposed to be my friend. You were supposed to be my family.”

19.) “Own up to who you are. Never let anyone shoot you down.”

20.) “As Sir Isaac Newton once said, ‘The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.”

21.) “I thought dragons came after virgins… so why aren’t they after you?”

22.) “Being insanely smart has its downs.”

23.) “You said you’ll always be there for me. You lied.”

24.) “Yes! I’m a real person! I have real people’s feelings!”

25.)  “It’s us, always and forever.”

26.) “I have to pick between the only people I’ve ever cared about, and whoever I don’t pick dies.”

27.) “Why are you always running away from me? I’m not that bad!” “You’re the devil in a white suit.”

28.) “Can we please stop this? W-We’s always fighting. I-I don’t even know what we’re fighting about.”

29.) “I hope you learned your lesson, next time I won’t be there to save your ass.” “W-What are you talking about? What do you mean you won’t be there?”

30.) “Eres un idiota.” “Did you just call me an idiot in Spanish?” “What?! I would never.”

31.) “But why does this matter? I can guarantee you that I’m never gonna use it.”

32.) “Doesn’t it bother you that we can never be normal?” “Maybe it did. But now, being different is better.” 

33.) “So, if you’re so good with kids, then where the hell is mine?” “That’s not fair.” “It’s your fault.”

34.) “I’m too tired to care.”

35.) “I don’t want to kill you. But I will. Because my family is more important. So again, leave. Now.”

36.) “Danger’s my last name!” “I thought it was (Y/L/N)?”

37.) “I-I can’t find anything of my meds. Not my anti-depressants, not my pain killers, not my anxiety meds. I-I can’t stop shaking.”

38.) “I have to write a 4-page long argumentative essay.” “Well, you are good at arguing.”

39.) “But you tried. That’s what counts. Not everything is a success.”

40.) “Ugh, it’s you again. Didn’t you die last year?” “No, that was fake.”

41.) “Don’t do that!”

42.) “You’re so stupid! I hate you and your stupid little face!”

43.) “What the hell?! You’re supposed to be taking an exam right now! What the hell are you doing here?!”

44.) “Did I stutter?”

 45.) “Let go of my pie. Now.”

46.) “You’re sneaking out, aren’t you?”

47.) “How many times must I tell you? No drinking before dark.

48.) “So, you have a metal arm? That’s exciting.”

49.) “Do you think that I’m gonna leave you? You’re stuck with me, with us forever, no matter how much you hate it.”

50.) “Uhm, am I going crazy, or do you also see that horse?”

51.) “You’re not who I thought you were. You’re better.”

52.) “Are you sure you two aren’t related?”

53.) “There are literal monsters, roaming the streets, and you’re telling me to stay calm?!”

54.) “I know this may be hard for you to believe, but there are ways to solve your problems, without violence.”

55.) “Well, I didn’t expect that.”

56.) “You look like you need a hug, kid. What’s on your mind?”

57.) “Please don’t! She’s a child!” “So what? Many children die every day, why should yours live?”

58.) “I said to blend in! Not dress like you just killed someone!”

59.) “You’re lying.” “That makes two of us

60.)” Well, this is awkward.”

61.) I uh, think I might be pregnant.”

62.) “Do you want me to kill somebody for you?”

63.) “I thought you were dead?” “Yeah, guess I was hell to put up with. Even for Hell.

64.) Prove it to me. Prove to me this world would be better without you. ‘Cuz it won’t. Let me show you how much you mean to me. To us. Just please, get down from there.”

65.) “Let me help you cook before you burn down my house.”

66.) “I’m not scared of you. You’re like a little puppy!”

67.) “I want you to come with me, not anyone else.”

68.) “Do you know each other?”

69.)   “I hate you.” “I know. But you need me.”

70.) “Isn’t it a beautiful day to create some chaos?”

71.) “I’m not drunk enough for this.”

72.) “Welcome to Vampire 101. Don’t get caught by hunters.”

73.) “Please don’t hurt them! They’ve done nothing wrong!”

74.) “I’m doing the best I can! I don’t know how to drive!”

75.) “I heard screaming, are you okay?”

76.) “Hey! Are you telling me I’m bad at my job!”

77.) “I really don’t care.”

78.) “I can’t remember. I wish I could.”

79.) “Watch your language!”

80.) “Hey, I can’t find the scissors, can we use your claws?”

81.) "Minutes. We only have minutes till it's too late.

82.) "Just be careful. I don't want a call at 3 AM from the hospital saying that you died.

83.) "What do you want?! I'm playing Mario Kart!"

84.) "There's a light at the end of the tunnel." "Yeah, it's called hellfire.

85.) "Who gives a rat's ass about Chemistry?!

86.) "Oh my god just your voice makes me wanna die!

87.) "Why the hell is there a 72-inch teddy bear on my bed?

88.) "None of us here have a life, so who the hell is texting you at 10 PM?

89.) "I just want it to end? Can't you just leave me to die?!"

90.) "Okay, he keeps giving me the evil eye."

91.) "I've been stabbed more times than days I've been alive."

92.) "Did you cut your hair?" "No, I got stabbed by a knife."

93.) "Please save me."

94.) "A shady ass mansion and 6 weird ass kids, what could go wrong?"

95.) "Oh my god they are dating! You owe me 5 bucks!"

96.) "No! There's something wrong with me, everyone always leaves me!"

97.) "Why is there a 5-year-old in your hands?"

98.) "Oh yeah, I'm pregnant."

99.) "So, I'm a witch, my dad's a hunter, and my mom's an evil coven leader. Talk about a messed up family."

100.) "You know what they say, the kindest one is the most broken one."

101.) "I've got all the time in the world for you."

102.) "I-I didn't kill him."

103.) "You're covered in blood."

104.) "Took years, but I finally have the courage to say it, I love you. Will you go out with me?"

105.) "Well, I'm never working at this coffee shop again."

106.) "I accidentally drank dish soap."

107.) "He's kinda hot."

108.) "Are you drunk? Again?"

109.) "I can feel myself, fading away."

110.) "Don't stray away from me, I love you."

111.) “It’s a hard life but I had you. And I’d never give up that.”

112.) “Don’t move! One wrong step and you’ll die!”

113.) “You are good enough. Don’t doubt yourself.”

114.) "Do you smell something burning?" "Dude, that's your hair."

115.) "I just feel so numb, a-all the time. S-So fucking numb."

116.) “He saved my life, (name). You keep saying everyone else doesn't forgive him. I know you’re the one who doesn't. Stop acting like you're the high and mighty merciful one. I’m going to find him, and you’re not gonna stop me,”

117.) "I love you, why are you pushing me away?"

118.) "Why is nothing I do good enough for you? Every time you look at me, it's like you're just staring at a steaming pile of disappointment. Why do you always think you're better than me?"

119.) "I-I know you're there. Just please let me out."

120.) "You're gonna kill me? With what, reckless driving?"

121.) I'm listening to you, I have been fucking listen to you!"

122.) "Know that you are good enough,"

123.) "I'm sorry that I was a dick. Just please, don't leave."

#supernatural #supernatural imagine #spn #spn imagine #marvel #marvel cinematic universe #mcu #mcu imagine #marvel imagine #marvel cinematic universe imagine #The Vampire Diares #tvd #the vampire diaries imagine #tvd imagine #the originals #to #the originals imagine #to imagine

[chicagocityfclanspromoblog]

Ebony Anderson → Nafessa Williams  → Hunter

→ Basic Information

Age: 31

Gender: Female

Sexuality: Straight

Birthday: July 23rd

Zodiac Sign: Leo

Religion: Catholic

Like Ebony? Consider taking her in our Hunter Giveaway Event! We will be waiving applications para samples, personalities and histories requirements for all canon hunters. Just send in the first and last name of the hunter(s) you would like to the main.

→ Her Personality (one to two paragraphs)

→ Her Personal Facts

Occupation: Tracker and Dealer

Scars: None

Tattoos: None

Two Likes: Vibrant Colors and ‘Me’ Time

Two Dislikes: Coconut and Muttering

Two Fears: Semi Truck Accident and Disappointing her Parents

Two Hobbies: Attending Fashion Weeks and Researching

Three Positive Traits: Outgoing, Persuasive, Flexible

Three Negative Traits: Frivolous, Instigative, Selfish

→ Her Connections

Parent Names:

Grant Anderson  (Father): Ebony has always been daddy’s little girl and has had Grant wrapped around her finger since birth. He taught her everything she knows and made sure she trained only with the best. Ebony knows Grant will make a great leader but is also unsure if taking the mantle at 53 years old is wise or beneficial for their family.

Candace Anderson (Mother): Ebony’s mother is loving and smothering. Candace’s family believed in breeding for the best possible hunter outcomes. Ebony does not blame her mother for running and finds her story encouraging; especially about meeting her dad. This also made Ebony life hell with a clingy and opinionated mother. Candace has been lighting the fire under her to get married and have kids.

Sibling Names:

Imani Colt nee Anderson (Sister): Ebony and Imani have a common sisterly bond. They have each others backs and get along well but are also constantly fighting about stupid things and pissing each other off. Ebony encouraged Imani to start dating Blaine and has always been supportive of their relationship.

Children Names:

None

Romantic Connections:

Chris Shaw (Dated): Ebony dated Chris for 3 months for information about Isaac and Sol for her cousin Nia. Chris thought she was human and that she was too busy to continue their relationship. Chris was boring but very easy to pull information from, while he didn’t right out tell her what was going on, Ebony could easily piece together his subtext and hints.  

Tristan Lawton (Ex-Boyfriend): Tristan was surprisingly easy to get close to but Ebony was unable to make it last as long as she would have liked to. The witches and warlock supernatural community is tightly knitted and Tristan called her out for being a hunter on their second date. He seemed cool about it and asked to keep seeing her which Ebony indulged in for a few months pulling away. They have continued to see each other off and on for the past 6 years.

Carter Bialar (Ex-Boyfriend): Ebony went after Carter after Alice Colt was attacked by someone from the Cat Pack. Grant wanted info and they only had a last name to go off of. She tracked down his son and pumped him for as much info as she could. He ghosted her after she met one of his friends and she thinks they may have figured her out.

Riley Anderson (Flirted): Ebony inadvertently got Riley’s information from Carter. Riley was his college buddy that Ebony found out was a bear shifter. She shared the information with Alexus and Grant but was told to hang back while Alexus worked with the senior members of their pack. Riley was unknown to them since he never frequented the Fields Hotel. Ebony still flirted with him and faked interest in purchasing a house. They attended a few parties together and hung out but Ebony had to call it quits when he wanted to introduce her to his friends, including Carter who she had recently broken things off with on bad terms.

Audo Wilhelm (Ex-Boyfriend): Audo was one of Ebony’s first targets. Grant wanted her to get an inside look at Shutter House Exports & Import and Audo was supposed to be her ticket in. He was literally the only magic user they knew that took some type of transportation to work instead of using magic. Ebony was sure she was ready but she quickly caught genuine feelings for Audo. It wasn’t love but she cared about him and his well being. Ebony quickly got what information she could and called things off.  

Platonic Connections:

Nia Anderson (Cousin): She couldn’t stand Nia while they were younger, believing she got everything she wanted for a quarter of the work that Ebony and Imani did. They’ve become closer in their 30s and Ebony has come to realize that Nia doesn’t really seem to want to be head of the Andersons. That realization has taken a lot of the animosity away, and Ebony can have fun with Nia.

Trevon Anderson (Cousin): Ebony likes Trevon and thinks he’s making his own path. He seems to have really taken to Grant and Blaine, and Ebony thinks it’s made him a better hunter.

Marquis Anderson (Cousin): Ebony doesn’t really know what’s going on with Marquis. He always seems to be lurking in the shadows, or on his way out. She hasn’t been hunting with him in ages, but apparently he holds his own.

Raven Jenkins (Cousin): Ebony likes Raven. She gets her independence and thinks it should be encouraged. She’s loyal to the family and a good hunter, so there shouldn’t be any problems.

Tirra Jenkins (Aunt): Ebony can’t stand her aunts. Tirra is off in her own world thinking she matters more than the rest of them. The best thing she did was have Raven.

Amy Colt (Good Friend): Imani and Blaine introduced Ebony and Amy to each other when they first started to date. They bonded over being their families dealers and hunting. They’ve recently started to share contacts. Their personalities matched enough to hang out away from their families and hunting in general.

Rebecca Stone (Friend): Rebecca pulled Ebony aside at Lilly’s House with inquiries about a leather jacket she was wearing, Ebony took it upon herself to order multiple genuine leather jackets for Rebecca; Ebony heard Rebecca was a leather jacket enthusiast. They’ve remained in contact and have become friends.

Samir Khoury (Acquaintance): Ebony orders ingredients from Samir and Judsoin for the Anderson’s batch of hunters Ancestral Elixir. To keep supernaturals from finding out what exact ingredients they use, Ebony orders 100 different ingredients a week but for the entire month only one or two of them would be what she actually needs. Since ingredients are rare, it’s hard to find other hunters who are willing to share their sources or supplies. Samir doesn’t ask questions and thinks she is a human beautician and naturalist.

Judson Cleirigh (Acquaintance): Ebony orders ingredients from Samir and Judsoin for the Anderson’s batch of hunters Ancestral Elixir. To keep supernaturals from finding out what exact ingredients they use, Ebony orders 100 different ingredients a week but for the entire month only one of them would be what she needs. Ebony thinks Judson may be suspicious of her but he has yet to say anything or acted out in any way to confirm it. He has randomly started to add care tips for growing her own ingredients at home but none of them have been any of the key ingredients she needs. She thinks he’s just being nice and helpful.

Sirius Cobic (Mutual Agreement): The human shifters seem to be the neutral party in Chicago and they own the police. Ebony can’t tell for sure if every person in the police department is a human shifter or if it’s a mixture but it is clear that Sirius is the ring leader. Sirius randomly approached her one day with a proposition that Ebony couldn’t refuse. He was willing to hand off untouchables and other supernaturals that go unpunished by their packs to the Andersons.  

Douglas Gish (Mutual Agreement): Douglas is another known human shifter that approached Ebony nearly a year after Sirius did but around the same time as Sarah. The human shifter police officers were willing to hand off human cases that weren’t handled properly or didn’t have enough evidence to prosecute. They are willing to turn a blind eye to their activities as long as they aren’t messy. Malik seems to be the only one that still gets speeding or parking tickets.

Sarah Harris (Mutual Agreement): Sarah has approached Ebony and Elle Colt about hunting human criminals. Jackals have no use to hunters besides information; the same can be said for rats and nimbles. The Anderson’s family hunt for hire for the local Jackal Pack and in return the jackal government workers look in the opposite direction when it comes to zoning, public records, licensing, code enforcement, power and light bills, etc.

Blaine Colt (Brother-In-Law): Ebony encouraged Imani to start dating Blaine and has always been supportive of their relationship. Ebony likes Blaine’s way of hunting and looks forward to working more with him in the future.

Fiona ‘Fi’ Marz (Friendly): During a really bad tornado, Ebony took an anonymous order for animal shifter and human shifter blood. Her contact turned out to be a vampire. They continued to deal like this for bad thunderstorms and tornadoes. After Imani joined the Colt family, Ebony shared another dealer, Amy Colt’s information with Fi to lessen her load.

Hostile Connections:

Malik Jenkins (Uncle-In-Law): Malik has never tried to get to know Ebony personally. While Malik and Grant are friends, he has practically ignored Ebony and Imani. They’re unsure why but cannot bring themselves to care about it.

Alexus Anderson (Aunt): Alexus always looked down on Ebony and her open ways. Besides family and hunter business, Ebony tries her best to ignore Alexus.

Seth Allen (Annoyance): Seth is a new player in town. Sarah Harris has apologized on his behalf multiple times and Ebony had to fight to get his name off of the hunters free for all board at Lily’s House. Seth has been spotted around town in his animal form and spraying graffiti everywhere.

Jazmine Anderson (Aunt): Ebony can’t stand her aunts. Jazmine is the biggest backstabber of them all, and even though they all know this, they repeatedly get played. Ebony knows she’s not immune and has limited her time talking to her after she created a fight between her and Imani.

Pets:

Meowth (Siamese Cat): She saw Meowth in the window of a pet store on a “Me Time” vacation and couldn’t get his face out of her mind. She went back three times that week and on the third time, bought him and everything he’d need.

→ History (paragraph(s) on background)

→ The Present (paragraph(s) on how the character connects to the plot)

→ Available Gif Hunts (we do not own these)

Nafessa Williams [1][2][3][4]

#Nafessa Williams #Hunter RPG #open roleplay #city rpg #new rpg