#vi thinks I can’t so I have to prove them wrong | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

urgonnaneedabiggership · 1 year

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Part I Here

Part II Here

Part III Here

Part IV Here

Part V Here

Part VI Here

Part VIII Here

MASTERLIST

Word count: 2,097

Warnings: MCU typical violence, mentions of war, mentions of death and un-aliving people.

A/N: In case you feel more comfortable reading on AO3, you can find the link right here. Comments or feedback are greatly appreciated ✨

If Mercedes had been able to see him, the way Namor’s furrowed eyebrows framed his forehead would have denoted he was worried and deep in thought as he made his way through the tunnels searching for her.

His mind plunged from one question to another. He rarely doubted himself, and he took pride in that. However, the conversation that had just taken place was starting to make him comb through every word that had left his visitor’s lips lately, thoroughly looking for signs of hidden intentions.

After all, if the person whose life she had saved still had her doubts about her, why wouldn’t he?

Mercedes was, after all, still in their territory. But if some supernatural force whisked her away back onto the surface, would she keep her promise? She had given them nothing but her word to prove it.

Finally, Namor found her reading in one of the caverns. The jingling sound of his beads bouncing against each other pulled Sadie out of her reading, and before he could say anything, she stood up and pressed her lips pensively, as if she was trying to remember something.

“Ts’o’okan in xooka’….Je’el…u páajtal a meentik k’áat…k’áat chioba.”

She said between pauses, finishing her statement with a triumphant smile.

“We need to talk about something,” Namor said, walking past her and gesturing for her to take a seat.

Sadie was about to jokingly remind him to address her in Mayan. Studying those texts made her realize that, much to her chagrin, Mercedes was beyond out of practice. She remembered once being able to hold entire conversations with her grandmother, and having forgotten so much felt disrespectful to her memory. Namor had proven to be very helpful, patiently correcting her or showing her better ways to express what she wanted to say. In past trips to Talokan, she hadn’t felt comfortable enough to try and talk to the Talokanil in their mother language, but lately, her confidence had grown enough for Mercedes to ask for another “outing”. However, the tone Namor used made her have second thoughts.

“What’s wrong?” Sadie asked.

“For these past few weeks, I want to believe we have learned to trust each other,”

“Yes, I think so,” She replied somewhat confused.

“I wouldn’t want to think I can’t rely on you,” He said, leaning on his elbows so he could look into her eyes. By then, Mercedes had realized he would do that every time something was of extreme importance to him. He probably was one of those people who believed they could catch a lie by staring into the other’s eyes.

“Have I done something to make you think you can’t?” She asked, getting into the same position as he.

“Not that I know of,” He replied, softly shaking his head, “But something happened, and I need to make sure you’re on my side.”

“Namor, listen…”

“No, Xmeech” He promptly cut her off, “Please, know I’m not your enemy.”

“When you look at me like that, with that deadpan threatening look, I’m glad you’re not.” Mercedes replied, unable to fight back a reticent smile, nervously rubbing her hands together.

“I thought you’d made it very clear that you were never afraid of me,” Namor replied, a smug smirk crossing his face.

“I’m not. But I’d rather keep the madman full of himself on my side.”

“We’ll see about that after you tell me what I want to hear,” He interjected before the conversation trailed off. Namor briefed her, taking note of every subtle shift in her features as she intently listened.

“I wasn’t even aware that they’d keep looking for the fungus after we disappeared,” Mercedes said after he finished, “I mean…I guess it would make sense to send another party after the first one went missing, but knowing they’d do what they did to get their hands on more samples changes everything.”

By now, Sadie wasn’t sitting down anymore, she had stood up and was now pacing around the room with her arms tightly folded.

“See, because if their purpose was merely scientific, they wouldn’t need more than a small amount. Why on Earth would they need tons of…?” She remained silent for a few seconds before turning to look at Namor, “Do you still have all the things you recovered from the place where you found my group?”

“We do, but we kept it in the city. I could send for…”

“No, let’s get down there. I think Namora and Attuma will want to hear this too.”

Mercedes wasn’t surprised to see they had stored the remnants of her expedition in a vibranium, apparently well-sealed container. It had nearly killed one of their own, after all.

The contents of the capsule fell on a table before them. Sadie wished the suit allowed her to move more easily, but since it was so heavy and awkward, and it would be potentially dangerous to break any of the vials, Namora offered to go through everything until whatever the girl was looking for was found.

“Are you absolutely sure this is everything you found?” She asked when every single item was displayed before them.

“We checked every inch of the tunnel several times,” Namora assured her.

“What is that you’re looking for anyway?” Attuma asked, impatiently.

“It’s…” Mercedes bit her lip, thinking of the words she needed to use before turning to Namor, “Please tell him I brought a camera with me. A very small square.”

With a nod, the man translated her words.

“I took several pictures with it of a grotto inside the cave where you found me,” Mercedes explained as the Talokanil king kept translating, “It was practically infested with that fungus, and if that camera falls in their hands, they’ll probably drill down there,”

“What would they need them for?” Namora asked, carefully placing the delicate glass vials back inside the container.

“They’re harvesting them in large quantities and recruiting scientists to do more research on them in an operation that it’s secret enough for them to massacre thirty people to keep them quiet,” Sadie recounted, “In my experience with powerful governments, that can only mean one thing, and that’s making a weapon out of something. If I’m correct, and I hope I’m not, they’re using the spores to create some sort of lethal hypoxia-inducing toxin.”

“K’uk’ulkan, I think the grotto she speaks of is far enough from Talokan for us to leave this to the surface dwellers to deal with,” Attuma advised.

“That’s not your biggest problem,” Mercedes continued, “I remember seeing a weird light coming from a…sort of natural duct that ended below that level. They thought it was because of bioluminescent organisms, but think it might be located right above your source of vibranium,”

Of course, that piqued the attention of the three of them.

“Mercedes,” Namora suggested, “I think it’s very likely that your camera was washed away further down the tunnels when we launched the water grenades. It would be impossible to find in that labyrinth.”

“You’re right,” Sadie admitted, “But what if it isn’t? What if they know and come back?”

“We could destroy that section,” Attuma suggested, “Of course, it would be impossible to destroy the grotto without being exposed to the spores, but we could destroy the channel that leads to it, and send some men to explore the neighboring caves in search of more deposits,”

“Yes, do that right away,” Namor instructed. After saluting him one last time, Attuma left the room.

“Wait, that’s all?” Mercedes asked, looking at Namor. He looked at her, puzzled.

“Did you expect a different course of action? If they can’t have access to the duct that leads here, we’re safe.”

“You mean Talokan is safe,” Sadie protested, “This weapon could still be used to murder millions of people in my world. You have to let me go back to warn them!”

“I’m afraid I can’t do that,” Namor said, with that same stern tone he used whenever she brought up the subject, “We agreed you would stay here for…”

“For now, yes, I remember,” Sadie interrupted him, moving around the table to be in front of him. Even with the suit on, she still felt annoyingly intimidated under his glare. But with everything that was at stake, she couldn’t just back down. “But what does “now” mean? I’ve been down here for almost a month, hasn’t it been long enough?”

“We will wait another month and then we’ll talk about it,” Namor added in a calm voice that only angered her further.

“I can’t wait another month, K’uk’ulkan!” She yelled, once again blocking his way out of the room, “People need me now,”

“It’s a large enough operation to inevitably draw some eyes out there and I’m sure somebody else will do something about it without having to endanger our nation,” He explained.

“So, you don’t think saving maybe hundreds of my people is worth the risk?” Mercedes hissed, glaring down at him.

“Those words I told you about difficult decisions, Xmeech? Now would be a good time to remember them. Namora, please, escort her back to her room,”

“K’uk’ulkan, if I may, I agree that it’s not a good…” She tried to retort, receiving a severe look from him. She looked at Mercedes and gestured for her to leave the room.

“You’re free not to attend your lesson tomorrow,” Namor said dryly as they left.

“I won’t, thank you, Namor,” She replied before crossing the door.

The silence during their stroll back to Sadie’s room was particularly heavy as the significance of the woman’s last words remained in her mouth as a sour taste. While her companion also remained quiet, Mercedes could sense she turned to look at her from time to time, as if she wanted to say something but always decided against it. Finally, just as they reached the entrance, Namora cleared her throat.

“I’m sorry,” she said, “I don’t think it’s a good idea that you stay here for longer.

“Really?” Sadie asked, “Even with the risks of me returning to the surface and all?”

Namora nodded and once again seemed to hesitate.

“Back there, you called him K’uk’ulkan,” She noted.

Mercedes sighed and nodded, uncomfortably folding her arms.

“Yes. He said…that he doesn’t want me to think of him as my enemy,”

“And he’s not,” Namora affirmed, “But I think he’s losing sight of the fact that he’s not your friend, either,”

“Trust me, he’s not losing sight of anything,” Sadie insisted bitterly, “You just saw it. He’s not going to budge.”

“That is because he still remembers he’s our leader and protector above anything else,” Namora calmly explained, “But I fear what could happen if you stay here for longer more than I fear what could happen if you leave,”

“What do you mean?” Mercedes asked. Namora pulled the tapestry over her entrance to let her in.

“Teech juntúul ko’olele’ jach na’atja’an,” She simply said before dropping the curtain, leaving an extremely confused Mercedes sitting on her hammock, unsure of whether she should worry about the disturbing discovery of that day of Namora’s cryptic words.

He’s losing sight of the fact that he’s not your friend either

Had she ever considered him a friend, to begin with? She remembered the warm feeling that spread through her chest when he openly affirmed he wasn’t her enemy anymore. And yet, his behavior a few minutes ago was far from friendly. What Namora had said was accurate: perhaps Namor wasn’t her enemy, but he certainly was not her friend either.

The mere idea of him being friends with somebody from the surface was complicated. How had she even imagined that being on his good side equaled him putting all his duties aside to free her? Then, an even more upsetting thought invaded her head. Was he even willing to do so? Was Namor capable of keeping her there in those empty, lonesome caves for the rest of her life?

She remembered his expression when she all but pleaded with him to let her go. He wasn’t angry. He just stood there, with a glint of sadness in his deep brown eyes that was quickly replaced by an impassive stare that had made her feel…

Yes. Of course he was capable.

Mercedes took a quick peek at the hall, and once she was sure no one would interrupt her, carefully retrieved a sharp stone hidden in the base of her small table. Carefully running her finger against one of the edges, she once again sighed and walked towards the pillar that upheld her hammock.

The Translations:

Ts’o’okan in xooka’. Je’el u páajtal a meentik k’áat chioba: I have finished my reading. You can ask questions now.

Teech juntúul ko’olele’ jach na’atja’an: You are a very smart woman

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loycos · 2 years

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i already bitched and moaned about this on twitter, but now i have more than 280 characters to rile about it. so...

I’ve been seeing this take from so many users on twitter, most of them with tons of likes and reblogs. these are the first ones that came in my search, but this headcanon’s been floating for a while now.

youre all wrong.

ok ok, everyone’s entitled to their own opinions and headcanons. BUT. you’re wrong. this is not how jealousy works.

before i womansplain what jealousy in relationships means, lemme start with this. we only see 2 clear examples of characters being jealous over their loved one in Arcane: Jinx and Silco. Jinx clearly picked some of this up from Silco, but the whole “Caitlyn grew up as an only child! she can’t share LOL” is a weird claim to make when Powder grew up with 2 brothers and a sister and they basically had nothing, yet she’s the most jealous character on the show. but OK, let’s say this part of Powder only came from Silco’s influence (it didn’t, as I’ll explain later) and she grew up as an “only child” under a “”rich crime lord””. whatever. next.

Jealousy, when it comes to jealousy in relation to people and relationships, does NOT come from a place of “sharing”. what you’re thinking of is people being possessive over food or toys or whatever else kids learn to share in kindergarten. most people who are jealous in relationships do not think of their partner as actual belongings. well, very few do, but do you REALLY think Caitlyn see Vi as a possession..? she never showed any sort of materialism and is very open in her distain to this particular part of Piltover’s culture. she’s not you’re average rich kid. So if she was the jealous type, she’d be of the second kind.

the second, much more common form of jealousy in relationships stems from people’s own insecurities. the scenario that they have in their head goes something like this “if my loved one met someone else, better than me, they’d realize they have no reason to stay with me”. this is very much a problem that people with lack of self confidence, or trust issues, have. Does Caitlyn struck you as ever having any of those issues before?

Caitlyn is self confident, even when she’s in an unfamiliar environment (look at her in Stillwater, in the undercity. she’s nervous, but still sure of herself and her abilities). She isn’t afraid to be vulnerable (she really said ‘what about us?’ while Vi was walking away, literally putting her heart on the line admitting that she feels something deeper, as Vi was rejecting her!!), which to me points to the fact she doesn't have trust issues. for a point of reference, look at how many walls Vi has around her. for Caitlyn, it makes sense, she grew up in a stable household with parents that love her and support her (they arent perfect but still) and she didnt have to watch her family die twice. which leads us to

Powder, Jinx whatever stage of her life she’s in- always had self worth issues. she kept comparing herself to her much more capable siblings as a kid, which resulted in a meltdown and the eventual killing of her family. as Jinx, she’s nowhere near over that, fearing Silco would abandon her if she doesn’t prove herself to him, thinking Vi will leave her the moment she breathes in the direction of another human being. those issues aren’t there because she was raised as “silco’s spoiled little only child”, they were there from her times with her old family and they only got worse under his influence.

Jealousy isn’t just “oh this person flirted with my partner! >:( me no like!” it’s often people who won’t let their partner hang out with other people. Would guilt trip their partner for prioritizing spending time with people who aren’t them, like family and friends. demand their partner full attention at all times. Jealousy isn’t Cute, its legitimately a toxic behavior. We saw Caitlyn let Vi go, twice. she is not the type to jealously insert herself into Vi’s life and her relationships with other people. Caitlyn to me feels like the type of person to support Vi having people in her life that aren’t herself. She wants to see Vi flourish and heal. I honestly think she’d feel proud if someone started flirting with Vi, cause she knows her girlfriend is hot. why would she feel bad about it? why wouldn't she trust Vi to stay loyal to her?

So like, unless you think Caitlyn isn’t self confident, or that she literally sees Vi as a possession, that headcanon doesn't make any sense. or worse, it’s very shallowly attributes characteristics based on a stereotype that Caitlyn very much tries to break out of for her entire life.

#caitlyn kiramman #sorry for the RANT omg #it grinds my gears #arcane #piltover's finest

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aquilamage · 2 years

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so some thoughts on “editing” ch 3 with regard to wanting stronger Vi story stuff: I want to keep the “turns out Vi was a huge dick to everyone” while also playing up the Hive actually being unsupportive

-talked about this vaguely before but I am now very set on “Violet” as a name being one she doesn’t like because it’s associated with the everything of the Hive. And everyone at the Hive calls her it, despite her (constant, loud) insistences not to, with if/when anyone actually calls her Vi being pretty heavily associated with them actually accepting her as is

-most of the bees I think had the reaction of “oh thank fuck she’s gone/good riddance” with her coming back resulting in annoyance/”what are you doing back here”/”oh you’re still alive.” Because as I said, Vi still was not exactly emotionally mature about everyone else either. They’re rude but within their rights, with probably some mixed opinions by the end

-honestly I think Malbee’s might have the least work because I think Vi directly saving her would end up in a “well I guess you being an explorer isn’t completely worthless” kind of opinion. so she can be chill with Vi based on that

-Queen Bianca I think might be the exception to the name thing where she initially calls her “Violet” but when Vi says something calls her Vi, but not because of immediately accepting her proper. I think her general thing would be that she’s like oh you want to be an explorer that’s cute but no honey that’s so dangerous. And when Vi comes back she’s like alright you had your fun for a bit but don’t you want to come home now? And she’s not passive aggressive or forceful or anything but that kind of “parent who cares and is trying to be kind but just never seems to get it” thing?

-Jaune. So I’m thinking do keep the “Vi being encouraged to make up with her and she tries to at first but it goes wrong” general thing. But the argument is a bit more explosive. I don’t have much specifics except Jaune heavily implies or outright says the idea that of course Vi’s on the only three-bug team she’s the dead weight they had to make up for (something along those lines). And just. Vi totally was rude about her sister’s art but Jaune was/is non-understanding and mean right back in the way siblings are. Probably also implies that she thinks Vi is super embarrassing to be associated with. Anyway after that argument Vi would be much less chill on reconciling (which is reflective of how overall it’s a very mixed bag even at the end of the chapter between Vi and the Hive).

-which turns into kind of two things post-ch 3. One is that Vi kind of gets a bit more of a Thing about proving herself, that she’s perfectly competent on her own (and in this process is being more mean to Kabbu and Leif because of everything going), which probably leads to her being dumb and reckless on a mission, possibly even trying to do something dangerous on her own so she can really show her teammates aren’t carrying her; eventually she learns that it’s ok to lean on them because if anyone else can’t value her as is without her proving stuff it’s not worth it, and she slowly learns to be more of a caring team member with these bugs she can actually be comfortable with (while still keeping some of her abrasiveness etc because that’s still an important part of her if they’d done the aa thing of just making her nice and sweet as character development I would die).

-And the second thing is that actually I like the thing Leif did about telling Vi to talk to her sister because “you never know what might happen what if you lose your chance.” But what if we made it a problem too. which by that I mean lean into Leif and Kabbu’s damage being about losing people so that they end up projecting onto her and end up really pushing her on this path of reconciling over anything else because “they’re your family you should appreciate them and try to play nice with them for the sake of having them around” and the two of them end up accidentally ignoring what might actually be best for Vi in all this because of their own hangups and that has to get resolved too. Somehow.

#I don't have specifics for all of this or answers for what exactly the ending of Vi's 'plotline' would be here #this is all extremely stream-of-consciousness just getting feelings into words #but yeah anyway I think some things along these lines would have been interesting #an aquila original #aquila plays bf #vi bug fables #bug fables #uhh for context: there is very little. had some previous vague mentions of hm maybe vis story could have been stronger actually. snowballed.#and I feel like there's maybe more elements from elsewhere with her or the game overall that could be neat to pull in #(like with the underground tavern)#but idk what that would look like right now

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procrastinatorrex · 1 year

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VI.

“No.” Ambrose sat in a crumpled heap on the edge of the excavation and watched the crew carefully excavating the stone sarcophagus. They had barely started and already it was the stuff of dreams–the nearly perfect, undisturbed skeleton of an older man lay inside. A short dagger with a beautifully enameled hilt was positioned at his side, several bowls that may once have held food offerings surrounded the remains, along with metal goods including cups and what looked like a circlet laying over the sternum. Ambrose leaned forward on his hands, staring at the bones. “No. This is wrong. This isn’t what I was looking for.”

Everyone within earshot turned to gape. “What?” Lee Nyte, leaning on a plank of wood so that he could lay halfway over the burial, and carefully lift a small silver gilt vessel that probably had contained unguent or perfume, gaped at the morose figure “It’s your king! You were right!”

Ambrose shook his head. “No. This is… I don’t know who did this, but this isn’t right. Someone… someone brought him here later. People must have come.”

Lee and Percy exchanged a look as Lizzie stepped forward, frowning. “Dr. Ambrose, you should be proud of yourself! This is an amazing find, we would have completely missed it without you! You’ve proved everyone wrong about you– er, not that anyone thought anything really bad. I mean, I didn’t think–”

“It’s fine Dr. Smith.” Dr. Ambrose waved a hand. “I’m going to go… I’ll check on some things. It’s all fine.”

The geophysicist watched him walk away, frowning. “Something’s wrong. I hope he’s alright.”

“He’s lost it.” Lee insisted, gesturing around them, “Honestly what’s he on about? ‘People did this’? Who else buries bodies? ”

“Still, I don’t think he should be alone right now.” Lizzie insisted. “All the more if he’s… struggling with his mental health, or something like that.”

“She’s right.” Gwaine piped up, “I’ll take these samples back to the truck, see what he’s up to.” The man sprang up, carefully labeled plastic bag in one hand. “He ought to at least have someone to talk to, if he wants it.”

Lee shook his head as Gwaine jogged after the retreating landscape archaeologist. “Some people just can’t be satisfied.”

Percy frowned down at the skeleton in the stone-lined burial. “I don’t get it– what more could he possibly expect?”

#merlin fanfiction #merthur fanfiction #merthur #archeaology!merlin #part 6

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secret-bug-pain-blog · 1 year

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Febuwhump, Day 2 - Flinching

This chapter now officially contains the sloppiest conlanging we've ever done in our life. Word may be liable to change - sounds are hard, but this at least looks like it doesn't translate to something in another language, and we can change things up later.

Pseudosequel to Love Bites, which probably doesn't count as whump but is... romantic? Targeted towards people who enjoyed TLT's bone surgery scene. TL;DR of relevant bits is that Mothiva and Zasp, via a ritual involving scarification of the neck, are bound together according to Deadlands Wasp tradition. Leif believes Something Is Up with Mothiva and Zasp due to the aftermath of this, and is leaning heavily towards the thought of domestic abuse.

Zasp wasn’t the biggest enthusiast of theatre.

He didn’t talk about it much, really. With Mothiva’s performances, half the association probably assumed it was how he met her in the first place – and while they were wrong, he wasn’t about to correct them.

The lights, the glamor, the being seen… it didn’t appeal to him so much as it made him scrunch his head back into his shoulders and hide away. He’d gotten better, in his years of being employed as Mothiva’s bodyguard, but he wasn’t… comfortable with it, and he privately suspected that he’d never be comfortable with some aspects.

Even just watching his partner on-stage would sometimes bring back memories of the brilliant floodlight of the Uljuasondier sweeping over the land, picking off bugs and-

He didn’t want to think about it.

Of course, having a partner meant he was hired for certain events a lot more often – unfortunate side effects of having decent knowledge of what a performance needed, he supposed.

And that, of course, lead him to here- stuck on a stage to make sure no one dropped anything too important during setup while the other explorers fucked around with important supplies.

He understood that charity work was no one’s favorite job, but this just seemed- absurd. Having even the most surface-level knowledge of knowledge let him know just how badly they were handling things. He’d had to pull the beetle away from the lights thrice in the past few hours, and he was far from the worst of them.

And of course, there were plenty of bugs who were taking that to a new level.

“You can’t freeze the stage lights,” Zasp hissed at Leif. “Do you want to pay for replacements?”

“We were just moving them into place-“

“By covering them with ice?!” Zasp was sure the incredulity in his tone wasn’t particularly dignified, for a bug who was supposed to keep things in control – but for all that ice powers weren’t the sort of thing he usually had to herd around, they were quickly proving to be a pain and a half to deal with.

“He can make them float,” Vi offered, draping herself over one of the lights. “It’s how he gets around places you need to fly for.”

“That doesn’t fix ice damage.”

“I mean, nothing in the Hive breaks down even in the dead of winter, so maybe it’s just-“

“Does the hive’s equipment frost over?”

“…well-“

He didn’t give Vi the change to respond. “Don’t freeze the equipment. I can’t believe I have to say this.”

“…we won’t.”

Leif temporarily taken off-track from his destruction of property, Zasp turned back to monitoring the hall. Thankfully, no one seemed to be doing anything immediately dangerous, to the equipment or to themselves. He just had to…

…what was that clicking noise?

Another click- then a brilliant light locked onto him.

Zasp jerked in surprise- then froze in place. Adrenaline flooded his body, his limbs going rigid as a statue. His heart was beating out of his chest – he thought that they were out of the deadlands, he thought they were safe-

“…Zasp, are you feeling all right?”

Zasp burst into motion, covering half of the room in a single flesh of his wings as he jerked away from that blinding, all-consuming light. He needed to move, to find shelter, to- to-

A hand landed on his shoulder, and Zasp flinched, snapping his mandibles and flaring his wings as he turned to face-

Leif, wide-eyed and staring at the mouthful of pale yellow fluff he’d taken out of his ruff.

Shit.

Zasp backed up, stumbling- shit, shit, shit, what did he just do? He saw Leif’s mouth move, but he couldn’t hear anything through the sound of his own heartbeat. He couldn’t stay here, he had to-

“What are you morons doing?”

Mothiva.

Oh, thank the Queens.

Mothiva jumped down from backstage, storming over to them and inserting herself between Leif and Zasp. Zasp stumbled away, taking the opportunity to make space between him and the moth- If they weren’t in public, he would have kissed her right then and there.

“You,” Mothiva snarled, pointing at Leif. “Back off. You two, back there- turn the damn light off. Does this look like a performance to you?”

Zasp could faintly hear the beetle calling an apology from his position near the light settings. His joints felt week. Had he really been startled like that by-

Leif’s voice cut through the air. “Your partner reacts awfully strangely, for a bug in the show business.”

“And just what is that supposed to mean?” Mothiva asked.

Zasp didn’t want to be here.

Every noise seemed too loud, every bug’s footstep a potential threat, every little noise a sign of danger. He didn’t- he couldn’t-

“We mean,” Leif said, “that your partner’s been acting awfully strangely lately, especially after that trip into the deadlands, and those scars couldn’t have been made by-”

“And I thought I told you nothing happened.”

The scars in Zasp’s throat itched with anxiety. He couldn’t handle this. He needed to go, to-

Zasp made a warbling squeak, in the back of his throat, and Mothiva’s attention snapped to him- only for Leif to pounce on her distraction to push whatever point he was trying to make.

“He acted like he was in danger from a spotlight,” Leif snarled, tone frigid as ice. “Do you want us to believe that’s normal for any bug?”

“Yes, I do,” Mothiva snarled. “If you’re trying to imply anything about my partner-“ She paused, glancing over her shoulder at Zasp. “Zasp, go.”

She didn’t have to ask him twice. Something in him wanted to stay, to defend her- but he had to trust that Mothiva could handle it. Zasp leapt into the air, wings buzzing as he flickered out of the room, ignoring the shout after him.

Hopefully, Mothiva could handle them better than him.

#bug fables #febuwhump2023 #febuwhump #my writing #mothiva #zasp #panic attacks #sensory overload #accusations of abuse #febuwhumpday2

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oftelltalehearts · 2 years

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[ colin ford, cismale, he/him ] whatever you think you know about OLIVER WILSON, the 25/190 year old, DEMISEXUAL, LOCAL, it is likely time for you to start reconsidering. the rumored LIGHT FAYE is often described as DUTIFUL + KNOWLEDGEABLE, but don’t let them fool you; they can also be STUBBORN + ABRASIVE, which often has them regarded as THE HISTORIAN. they are a CASHIER at GEEKS&FREAKS, but it’s also said they are a NOBLE within the LIGHT FAYE COURT. whatever you hear, you can’t deny there’s more to them that meets the eye, and it’s time we start uncovering the truth.

» 𝖙𝖍𝖗𝖊𝖆𝖉 𝖙𝖗𝖆𝖈𝖐𝖊𝖗 . ( updated 10/21 ) starters owed ; 00 . threads owed ; 00

» 𝖖𝖚𝖎𝖈𝖐 𝖑𝖎𝖓𝖐𝖘 . visage . musings . soundtrack . answered . memes . tasks . all threads . events ( 1 , ) . headcanons . all things oliver .

» 𝖘𝖙𝖔𝖗𝖞 𝖘𝖔 𝖋𝖆𝖗 .

second born and to a higher than average noble family that had ties to the queen , isn't necessarily something to sneeze at . even from a young age oliver understood what was expected of him and what his role was meant to be in life . he was meant to be the day to his older brother's night .

oliver was all too eager to play a part that had been written for him before birth just to avoid being disregarded or tossed to the side . he threw himself head first into studying everything he could and proving his worth to both his parents and the court . proving he wasn't going to be like his brother but his own person , he held his breath at the idea of possibly having an arranged marriage like marshall but his fears have almost been put to bed for that idea .

while marshall is marshall and oliver is oliver , he adores his brother (he's his brother after all!) though he'd never outwardly show or say it . he belives his brother is so much more than what the rest of the court writes him off to be and when brought up in conversation he refuses to speak down on him .

while his parents were relieved when marshall had given up his rights to being the heir oliver didn't feel the same sentiment . he was holding out that his brother would be whacked by some cosmic force to take up the mantle so he was less than thrilled to be named heir after his father .

following the same footsteps as the rest of his family in claiming to be his own descendant , finding relief in the ability to use his own name again . oliver is known to be a job collector and he figured he'd try yet another new task and see where it grows to .

» 𝖖𝖚𝖎𝖈𝖐 𝖋𝖆𝖈𝖙𝖘 .

i . knows an unhealthy amount about human history (having lived through short part of it) and faye history alike and is like a walking history textbook . his last time around he was in school to be a teacher but - for once - gave up on it because of claims the teachers were incompetent and getting things wrong .

ii . vegetarian , he once made himself sick on strawberries and cheese . he can easily be won over with dark chocolate and maybe a stroke to his ego .

iii . oliver seems to be something strictly for his parents to say , he prefers to be called oli .

iv . either acts like an old man or a bratty teenager . he let's his pride get in the way and sometimes finds it difficult to ask for help .

v . he's growing to slowly resent his parents for shaping how he is , he feels like he doesn't have a voice of his own just a perfectly response formed by them and their set of ideologies . is also slightly envious of his own brother because of how he just enjoys life .

vi . doesn't believe in marrying for power , and hasn't been in any stage of courtship for a hundred years .

#《𝖔𝖑𝖎𝖛𝖊𝖗 𝖜𝖎𝖑𝖘𝖔𝖓 .》#risingpeaks.intro #formatting is off. I WILL FIX WHEN I GET HOME #just wanted to get at least one of these out please .#neville will be next.

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corvidkiid · 3 years

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I’m. Extremely curious why do u want to fight a dolphin??

Dolphins can be evil and they scare me so I want to fight them all >:(( rubbery fools

#vi thinks I can’t so I have to prove them wrong #asks #waterinathermostat

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goddess-evelle · 3 years

Text

You beat the game while... (I)

Your boyfriends finger you

Warnings: Fingering, hickeys, neck kisses, degradation kink, praise kink.

Words: 1,741 (500 or more for each boy)

Important* I will be uploading two of the boy's and 1 of the reader's. So that they end almost at the same time. <3

A/N: Just wanted to say... that I slept for 12 hours yesterday. I feel proud about that :)

Individual Dream team x reader

In this video

In this video (I)

In this video (II)

In this video (III)

In this video (IV)

In this video (V)

In this video (VI)

You beat the game while (I)(You are here)

You beat the game while (II)

You can’t remember how you got into this position. The idea rushing out of your boyfriend’s mouth, and you agreed. You agreed without a second thought; you wanted to prove to him that you could easily beat Minecraft with whatever challenge. You didn’t understand at the moment how wrong you were. Now, here you sat on your boyfriend’s gaming chair with a dumb look on your face. What did he mean the challenge would be beating the game while being fingered?

George

He smirked at your confused face.

“Yeah, darling. I think that would be a good challenge for you” His voice sounding teasingly while your thighs clenched together. “I- I thought you meant a Minecraft challenge” You stuttered out, but he laughed at you.

“This is a Minecraft challenge. I mean, you still have to beat the game” He smiled maliciously at you. You gulped feeling excited and scared for the upcoming events. You nod your head as George slides your pants and panties down your legs. He gives you a quick kiss as he slid a finger up your pussy collecting the arousal that had started to pour out of your entrance.

“What a fucking whore. I thought that I should be nice to you, yet here you are dripping like a slut.” You moan at his words. Hands moving shakingly to start Minecraft. Your character moves to get wood as fast as possible. George’s fingers rubbing your clit in small circles as he watches you play. Your hips jerk slightly at the little stimulation he gives you, but you refuse to lose as you make your way to a cave quickly getting stone materials and getting iron. George pushes his index finger into you making your head roll back as you bite your lip. It felt so good, but as much as you want to dive into the sensation you remind yourself that you have a game to win, so you get the essentials and find a lava pool creating a nether portal. You light the portal walking into the nether. George pushes in a second finger and presses into your sweet spot with them making you mumble out a few words. His fingers push inside of you always crocking slightly making sure to hit your g-spot as he keeps fucking you. You try to stay focused on the game, but his fingers feel too good inside of you. You trade with piglins, but as soon as you reach the fortress George is rubbing your clit with his thumb while simultaneously finger fucking you. Your hands leave the keyboard and grip onto George’s forearm keeping his fingers in your cunt. He finger fucks you faster, harder, bending his fingers in the right way to have a bubbling sensation in your lower tummy. You moan and scream as your orgasm finally hits you. Your juices come spraying out as he keeps fucking you. His fingers ride you through your orgasm. Your body beginning to twitch from the overstimulation, and he pulls away giving you a kiss on the lips. His fingers popping into his mouth as he tastes you making your body shiver.

“You lost baby.” He says making you watch the red screen. Honestly, you can’t even be mad; you just had the best orgasm in your life, and he wasn’t even done with you.

“I want you to squirt on my cock next” He smirks while taking his shirt off. This was going to be a long night.

Dream

You look at him wide eyed as he tells you to strip.

“Um why?” You ask nervously.

“I’m going to finger you while you play the game. That’s your challenge. You told me I could choose whichever challenge I wanted” He looked at you smugly.

“Yeah, I thought you’d choose one of the ones you’ve already done” You look at him as if he is joking. He had to be right? Did he really wanted to finger you while you played a game? “Well, you left me decide, so that’s what you got to do” Your eyes squinted at him; the two of you knowing damn well he was not being fair. You roll your eyes knowing that he would not budge into what he wanted. You strip from your clothes looking at him teasingly while the Minecraft started. He squirted a large amount of lube into his hand as you sat on his gaming chair naked. His hand slid down immediately between your legs. His thumb rubbing your clit without hesitation; his mouth peering kisses into your neck. You whine at his unforgiving kisses; his teeth gracing the skin on your neck making sure to leave visible hickeys on your neck. Your clit is swollen by the time you start the run, and Dream can clearly tell as he taps it gently. You run to a visible village hitting the golem, and, just as you are about to put block under your character Dream slips a finger into you. His additional lube plus your arousal making the entrance quick and smooth. You moan; your character getting thrown in the air by the golem as you run away. Dream was not going to make it easy on you. You go to a cave to mine iron, and this time he pushes two fingers into you. Bending his fingers inside of you to hit that sweet spot inside of you that makes your legs tremble. You let go of the keyboard to push your hips into his hand as his fingers fuck you so nicely. You groan when he slows the pace to whisper in your ear.

“You have a gave to play baby” You suddenly become aware of the mess you are making on his gaming chair. Your slick sliding all the way down to your ass making a small pool in his chair. Fuck his fingers moved roughly and deeply into you. Your hands shake as you continue the game. You find a lava pool, and before you can do anything else Dream is entering a third finger into you. Your head rolls back immediately moans leaving your mouth. His cock was just as thick, and feeling the familiar burn was driving you absolutely crazy. Your hips jolt into his hand as you feel your orgasm rush its way through you. A scream leaves your mouth; your thighs shaking uncontrollably as you try to calm down. Dream’s fingers keep fucking into you making an unintelligible mumble of words come out of your mouth. Something along the lines of “Please, I just came. I lost please” Begging him to stop the overstimulation. He smirks at you.

“Well, what are you waiting for? You still have a game to beat.” You were so fucked.

Sapnap

“Okay, I think it’s only fair if you have a really hard challenge, so I think it would be fun if I finger you while you play” He smiled as he watches your face turned into a frown. What did he just said?

“I’m sorry, what?” You were confused. Had you heard him wrong? Did he said that he wanted you to play while he fingered you?

“I said that I want your challenge to be that you have to beat the game while I finger you. What? Are you scared that you are not going to be able to win this challenge?” His voice was teasing you as he knew you would back out of the challenge.

“I can win. You won’t even get the chance to make me cum” You said smugly as you took off your clothes. Your pussy already drooling with anticipation. You started playing the game attempting to break some wood, but Sapnap’s finger made slow circles on your clit. He knew exactly how you liked it. He applied the right amount of pressure on your clit. A moan almost leaving your lips as you bit your lower lip to prevent it from happening. You found a ravine quickly jumping down into the water while Sapnap’s fingers rubbed harsher circles on your clit. His movements rough as you tried to focus on smelting the iron you got. He pushed a finger in making you gasp at the sudden thickness of his finger entering you. His mouth moving next to your ear to whisper to you dirty promises.

“You are such a good girl taking my finger. I bet you are wishing I slip a second finger; maybe you’ll cum like a dirty slut if I push that little spot; you like huh baby?” His finger rubbing close to your sweet spot. He knew exactly how much you loved when he hit that spot with his finger, his tongue or his cock. Fuck, you really wanted him to fuck you stupid right now. You whine at his words trying to keep your thoughts from wondering away from the nether portal you were making. Sapnap’s finger bumps into your g-spot dead on as soon as you entered the nether. Your thighs clenching around his hand at the sudden pleasure. A moan slips from your lips, and he rewards you by pushing a second finger into you; this time making sure to hit your g-spot. Your eyes roll back at the pleasure; your character coming to a stop as you can only focus on the pleasure his fingers give you. A rush of emotions curse through you. You want to cry, you want to scream, you just want him to fuck you stupid over the desk. You take deep breath while focusing back ton the game. You make it to the fortress, but as you get close to the blaze spawner Sapnap adds a third finger while rubbing your clit with his thumb. Your hips trash up into his hand as your orgasm crashes into you without giving you a second to hold it off. Before you even realize it; you are seeing stars as you squirt all over Sapnap’s hand and chair. Your chest rises and falls without coordination as you try to calm down from the high. However, you are distracted by a naked Sapnap turning your chair to face him.

“That was so fucking hot; you have to squirt around my cock” He says, and before you can even stop him he slides his dick into you. Fuck, he felt so good inside of you. You lost the game, but his cock was much better than a stupid game.

Taglist:

@dreamerwasfound

@darkdaria1

@victory-is-here

@mamacitabitches

@it-was-never-meant-to-be-boys

#dream team #dream team x reader #dream team smut #dream smp smut #dream x reader #dream x you #dream smut #dreamwastaken #dreamwastaken x reader #dreamwastaken smut #george smut #georgenotfound x reader #georgenotfound smut #sapnap x y/n #sapnap x reader smut #sapnap smut #sapnap x reader #sapnap #georgenotfound

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cassifiction · 2 years

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I was thinking about maybe u could do a fanfic (or headcanons) with sevika x buff reader. I haven't seen anyone write anything like this before and i would LOVE to see it

I swear I’ve seen someone write this already, but it might have been for Vi. But I like your idea so I’m gonna write some headcanons for Sevika anyway.

By the way, I’m not actively taking requests at the moment but if anyone wants to send me something and I like your idea and happen to feel like writing, I may just take a request or two. Maybe I’ll add them to my ‘to write’ list. I always like receiving asks and messages so don’t be shy, just be polite about it like this person.

Sevika with a buff (g/n) reader (mostly sfw, implied nsfw)

You first met each other in The Last Drop, you went to get a drink after a hard day at work. When Sevika noticed you staring at her from across the bar, she assumed that you were trying to pick a fight with her. That’s usually what happens when buff people look at her the wrong way.

She was ready to punch your lights out when you walked up to her. But when you started to compliment her muscles and ask about her workout routine instead, she was completely thrown off. She soon realized you were just curious and not looking to brawl.

She let you join a few card games and have a few drinks together, conversation soon gets a lot more natural and fun, maybe even a little flirty right off the bat. After a few rounds, a big fight breaks out on the other side of the bar and you help Sevika put a stop to it. Your fighting skills are great and Sevika’s impressed, but she tries to not make a big deal out of it.

After that you keep hanging out at The Last Drop together and she soon asks you to work out together some time. Of course you accept, why would you deny seeing Sevika all hot, her muscles glistening with sweat?

You share your workout routines, you try her routine and she tries yours. You realize you’re not quite on her level yet but with a bit of effort she tells you that you could be, if you tried hard enough.

It’s hard to not stare at her too much while you both work out but she’s staring at you just as much, she’s just being a lot more subtle about it. At first it’s almost like she’s constantly judging your form, but she’s really just enjoying the view.

I mean just picture one of you on a bench press and the other as the spotter. That’s pretty hot, no matter the positions.

She’s really not used to someone quite as buff as you not trying to provoke or upstage her all the time. You both respect each other’s boundaries and just keep a playful kind of rivalry to challenge yourselves to stay on top of your game.

She’ll ask you to join her at her place, using the excuse that she has found a good recipe with a ton of protein she wants to try out and have you try it as well. So that’s a dinner date. No, it’s not. Yes, it is.

You’re helping her cook and it actually smells really good. You watch Sevika reach up to get something off a high shelf, she’s obviously tall enough to reach it but you decide to be a little playful and you pick her right up.

She kind of freezes for a moment (404 error Sevika not found) because she’s never been picked up by anyone before outside of fights.

But when she comes to her senses again she starts to wriggle her way out of your arms because this is just really embarrassing for her. I mean, Zaun’s scariest lady, getting picked up like she weighs nothing? You’re lucky you did this in private and not in public, because she would have made you regret that.

A little pretend-fight breaks out where you both try to prove you’re stronger. She tries to pick you up but fails, you try to pin her hands to the counter but you fail.

It ends with Sevika winning and you pinned up against the wall, hands above your head. You scoff and say the mechanical arm gives her an unfair advantage. She just brings her head closer to yours and tells you to try harder next time. You can’t help but lean in and kiss her.

She returns the kiss, eager to feel those muscles of yours a little more closely. You decide to stay at her place for a very exclusive nighttime workout. You’re both late for work in the morning.

After that you keep spending time together working out, both happy to have found someone just as passionate about being strong. Your workdays can be long but the gym becomes your favorite happy place.

She likes to feel your muscles but tries to be subtle about it. Grabbing your arm to get your attention and getting a good feel of your biceps in the meantime. Holding her hand on your back so she can feel the strong muscles in your shoulders. It’s her way of telling you how good you look.

She’ll cook you meals specifically to keep you healthy and help maintain your muscle mass. And she just really likes having you over at her place.

She’s happy that she never has to worry about you not being safe because you know how to handle yourself in a fight.

And secretly she feels safer with you around. She’s strong, but she’s not invincible. She’s like your own personal bodyguard, but in turn you’re also her backup and protector when she needs you.

Notes: my brother basically works out for a living so I know a thing or two about what it takes to be muscular. I was tempted to write a crack fic about Sevika and reader just talking about protein and nothing else. Maybe even protein farts. Those are the worst thing about living with a buff person. Ugh.

#arcane #arcane fanfic #sevika #arcane sevika #sevika x reader #sevika x female reader #sevika x y/n #sevika x you #arcane x reader #arcane headcanon #sevika headcanon #i wrote this with a pretty bad headache so now i feel like i should write arcane women with a reader who suffers from headaches

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babyboibucky · 3 years

Text

Promises, promises

Pairing: AU!Bucky Barnes x Reader

Summary: You believed that promises are meant to be broken but Bucky always proved you wrong. Until one day, he proved you right.

Word Count: 6,555 (oops I got carried away lol)

Warnings: Angst, a tiny bit of self-doubt but with a happy ending!!!

A/N: Some tags aren’t working, damn u tumblr! Anyway enjoy the angst and the shitty writing lmfao. Also kinda want to do ficlets for these two??? Like short fics about the happenings in their relationship, their first date, how they dealt with the break up idk, lemme know if anyone’s interested in that xoxo

MAIN MASTERLIST

It's been four and a half years since Bucky broke up with you and honestly, you're fine now. Fine, as in you've moved on from him and that you haven't been stalking his Instagram account anymore or have been asking Steve how he's doing since the break up. You're fine now, really.

There was not an ounce of denial left in your body after almost two years of pining and self-blame. But that doesn't mean you've forgotten the pain he caused you when he woke up one day and realized that he didn't need you anymore.

Forgive and forget they often told you and you badly wanted to do so. But it wasn't that easy to do, not when you still feel the pain as if it only happened yesterday.

"What did you say?" your forehead creased as you walked around the kitchen counter, quickly approaching Bucky who had his back to you as he stood in the living room of your shared apartment.

You weren't sure if you heard him right, or if he actually said anything. Perhaps you were just hearing things? Just this morning he woke up and greeted you with his charming smile before pressing a soft peck on your lips. You had cooked breakfast together, laughed together and even talked about what to have for dinner.

Sure, something about his demeanor earlier was a bit off, but you assumed it had something to do about his work and not because he wanted to break up with you.

Right?

"Bucky, what did you say?" you pressed when Bucky remained quiet; he didn't even turn around to face you.

He heaved out a deep sigh, "I said I need space." he murmured.

"What do you mean, Buck?" you asked again, voice small and shaky as you fidgeted with the hem of your shirt.

Of course you knew what exactly Bucky meant by that, but you didn't want to believe it. You were hopeful that maybe this was one of those petty fights you used to have, one where Bucky would spend the night over at Steve's. He'll come around the next day, he always does that. You always woke up to him whispering apologies to your ear and you would say your sorry too.

Bucky rubbed his face with his hand before finally turning to you, "I can't do this anymore." he said, shaking his head before averting his gaze to the floor.

He must have seen the look in your eyes when he faced you. As much as you believed that you were pretty good at hiding your emotions, it never worked on Bucky. He was the only person who could always read you; you could never hide from him.

"Bucky, I don't understand." you let out a nervous chuckle as you hugged yourself, biting your lower lip to prevent them from quivering as you held back the urge to cry.

Bucky rubbed the back of his neck, "I just...you've been too...fuck, I don't know how to say this without hurting you. I really don't want to." he admitted dejectedly, looking up at you.

You scoffed, "Just fucking say it, Bucky. I'm already hurt just by having this conversation." you told him.

"You're too good for me. Way too good."

Bucky’s words echoed in your mind again as you laid your eyes on him, four and a half years after your break-up. And just like that, you were back to square one.

You did your best to avoid him after he left, you felt like Bucky too tried to do the same. It was harder than you thought, given that you belonged to the same circle of friends. There were missed birthday parties, anniversaries and get togethers. If you knew Bucky was going to be there, you’d bail. Thank god you had a bunch of understanding friends who never took your absences against you.

But an engagement party between two of your friends? Now that was something you wouldn’t want to miss out on.

You’ve been really happy for quite a while now, to the point that it never crossed your mind that Bucky would surely be attending as well. He had been out of your system since the day you decided to move past him, which is why you thought that you were finally a-okay.

Tonight proved you wrong because as you watched Bucky smile and greet your friends, you realized that you still wanted to punch him and hurt him and tell him that you were still in lo—

“Hi.”

You were too focused on daydreaming about how you wanted to hurt Bucky that you failed to notice that he made his way to you and was now waiting for you to greet him back.

Bucky was smiling at you the same way he did on the night you first met at a college house party. You and Bucky have been together for that long.

“Hi.”

The music was too loud that you missed out on the stranger’s greeting, if not for his shadow looming over your hunched figure as you sat on the staircase, you would’ve completely ignored him.

The guy was looking down at you with a charming smile that made your cheeks turn pink. He was tall and slightly muscular, something you noticed right off the bat all thanks to the tight red henley he was sporting. The guy had long hair too, but it was tied back into a low man bun that was messy enough to leave tendrils of stray hair to frame his handsome face.

“Hi.” He repeated with a chuckle, a hint of amusement laced in his tone as he bit his lip at the sight of you just staring up at him.

“Hi?” You stammered awkwardly.

He laughed, “Um, can I pass through or is there some sort of password required?”

You realized that you had been blocking his way, everyone’s way actually. Quickly, you apologized and stood up to leave your spot only for the guy to block your way before you could even hop off of the last step of the staircase.

Thinking that you must have confused him and the direction you intended to go, you murmured a soft apology again before sidestepping him but to no avail. You looked up at him with a frown when you noticed that he was intentionally blocking your way.

It didn’t help that he was way taller than you. Despite the one being on the last step of the staircase, the guy still loomed over you.

“Excuse me?” You snapped and tried to move past him but he was way bigger than you and managed to stop you from passing through.

He had a cheeky smile on as he watched your futile attempt to squeeze your way out of his large body. You huffed out when he held onto the rail while his other hand on the wall, completely trapping you on the staircase.

“What’s the password?” He asked, still grinning at you.

You deadpanned, “Are you kidding me?”

He shook his head, “Nope.”

You stared at him blankly before glancing at his hands, observing whether you had a chance at prying them away from where they held on. It was then that you noticed how his left hand was covered in tattoos. The sleeve of his henley rode up quite a bit to reveal that his tattoos reached his wrist, he probably had his entire left arm sleeved with ink.

“Can I please pass?” You huffed out when you concluded that there was no way you would be able to escape him.

“Like I said, I need a password.” He insisted.

“Penis.” You stated, face free from any sort of expression.

The guy choked on his laughter, “Why would you honestly think that?” He asked incredulously.

You shrugged, “I thought you guys liked dick jokes.” You reasoned out.

The guy laughed as he shook his head, “Well, you’re not wrong.”

“It’s not the password?” You asked. “Don’t I get a hint or something, I really don’t have time for games right now. I have to go back to my dorm. I have a test tomorrow.” You told the guy.

“I can’t believe you’re thinking about a test. What’s your major anyway?” He asked.

You groaned, “Like I said, I don’t have time for games or even for a conversation. Come on, just let me pass through!”

The guy hummed as he stared at you, as if he was thinking of something. You wanted to look away but he had beautiful ocean blue eyes that you found yourself slowly getting lost in.

“I’ll give you hints.” He announced. “Two hints actually, because I’m feeling generous.”

“Okay, then. Just spit it out!” You rushed.

The guy grinned.

“The password is made up of your name followed by your number.”

“Hi.”

You blinked when Bucky repeated his greeting. When you regained your senses, you cleared your throat and simply nodded at him as acknowledgment. You saw how Bucky’s smile faltered seconds before you looked away and pretended to look for someone.

“I can’t believe you just brushed me off.” He chuckled, running his fingers through his hair.

Bucky had cut off his hair right after graduation. He sported a clean cut since then but now he had longer locks; not as long as his college hair though. It just looked fluffier, you fought the urge to imagine how it’d feel through your fingers.

“I can’t believe you just expected me to greet you as if nothing happened.” You told him, letting your eyes wander around the place.

Bucky exhaled heavily and shook his head, “I thought we’d be okay by now.” He admitted. “Guess I was wrong.”

You clicked your tongue in irritation, snapping your head into his direction after avoiding his gaze earlier. “I am okay, but that doesn’t mean I am okay with being around you.” You hissed.

“I honestly thought we’d still be friends, you know. Civil at least.”

What has gotten into Bucky’s mind for him to expect a lovely reunion between the both of you? Things didn’t end well, he just left. He was too ambitious to even think that you’d greet him with rainbows and butterflies.

“We’re not friends, Bucky. Not even acquaintances.” You told him.

Bucky opened his mouth to say something until someone tapped on the mic, announcing that the newly engaged couple, Wanda and Vis, had something to say to their guests. By the time he looked back at you, you had already walked away and joined Nat at their table.

It reminded Bucky of the days when he used to watch your back retreat into your dorm whenever he walked you home.

“So, you gonna tell me the password or what?”

You felt all your blood rush to your head and you’ve never been thankful for existence of strobe lights. You were probably red as a tomato. Who wouldn’t be anyway? This handsome dude just asked for your name and number!

“Is this a joke?” You managed to asked and thanked the heavens that you didn’t stutter.

The guy shook his head, “I don’t really joke around.” He shrugged.

“Why do you even want to know my name and number?” you curiously asked.

Bucky shrugged, “Been watching you since you arrived.”

“Creeper.” you accused.

“Hard not to when you’re the only grumpy person in a party. I know your friends dragged you here, I mean you said you have a test tomorrow and you don’t seem the type to party a day before. Besides, you’ve been keeping to yourself the entire time. Figured you might want some company, one with substance.” he boastfully wiggled his eyebrows at you.

His confidence appalled you but you were also surprised at how he seemed to have read your mind. Or personality, in general.

“Hey, Bucky!”

You watched the guy turn his head towards front door where a blonde guy— Steve from the student council, you recognized— entered. You thought it’d give you a chance to slip away but the guy, well Bucky, kept his hands in place.

“Kinda busy right now, pal. I’ll catch up with you later.” He said.

Steve’s gaze moved past Bucky until they landed on you. He chuckled as he shook his head at his friend’s antics. Steve walked away but not without acknowledging you.

“He may not seem like it, but Bucky’s a good guy. You can take my word for it.”

Bucky turned to you and lifted an eyebrow, “I mean, coming from a student council member, that’s a pretty credible source.” He said confidently.

You bit the inside of your cheek to stop yourself from smiling. You had to admit, Bucky had a way with words and actions. His boyish charm was working on you and you hated how easily you were falling for it. And you just met the guy like ten minutes ago!

“So, what’s the password?” Bucky asked again.

You tapped your foot as you crossed your arms over your chest, “You promise to let me go if I tell you?”

Bucky made a face, “I don’t think that’s the right term because you can expect more of me once you give me the password. But I’ll definitely step aside. That’s a promise.” He reassured.

“Promises are meant to be broken.” You stated.

“Yeah, well watch me prove you wrong. Password? Pretty please?” He asked cutely and fuck, Bucky was really winning you over just like that.

Letting out a defeated sigh, you tell him your name and number. Just as he promised, Bucky stepped aside and quickly fished out his phone to type in your number. You honestly didn’t expect for him to remember it after hearing it once, but you peeked and he actually did. Impressive.

“Like I promised, off you go to study.” He said and motioned his arm towards the front door.

You sighed and offered a small smile before finally walking past him. You were about to open the front door when Bucky beat you to it.

“I told you ‘let go’ is the wrong term ‘cause I’m walking you home tonight.” Bucky said. “And tomorrow night too. And the next night and the next next night. Or afternoon. Morning? Whatever time your classes finish.”

Bucky really proved you wrong that night because he did walk you home the next night and the next next night too. It went on until he no longer had to watch you enter your dorm or apartment because eventually, the two of you ended up going to the same home.

It’s very ironic really, that it was also Bucky who failed to prove you wrong when he broke his promise not to hurt you, ever. You wondered whether it was your fault that you actually believed in him. It was hard not to though, because Bucky’s earned your trust from all the promises he made and kept.

Which is why it was even more painful when one day, he decided to break the one promise you truly held on to.

“I’ll always love you, you know that right?”

Bucky blurted it out randomly that his statement confused the hell out of you. The two of you were just playing a video game when he said it, making you hit pause.

“And where did that come from?” You asked with amusement.

Bucky frowned, “You could’ve reacted differently. I was hoping for a high-pitched ‘awwww!’ and this is what I get?” He teased, taking your chin in between his index finger and thumb to pull you close so he could bite your nose playfully.

“You said it out of the blue!” You told him with a laugh. “But it made me happy though.” You admitted and kissed his cheek.

“Yeah, well it’s true. I mean, this thing we got? It’s forever.” Bucky said and lovingly smiled at you.

You pretended to gag at his words but it was obvious that you felt like you were on cloud nine when Bucky said that. “Cheeseballs!” You teased.

“This cheeseball’s gonna put a ring on that finger one day. That’s a promise!”

A finger snapped right in front of your face, “You good?” Nat asked.

You nodded and tried your hardest not to look at Bucky. He was seated with Steve, Sam and some other guys at the table next to yours. You could feel him staring at you and it was making you anxious. Nat and Sharon exchanged looks before letting out a sigh in unison.

“Come on, I’m fine. Stop looking at me like that!” You told them with a forced chuckle.

“What did Bucky say?” Sharon asked. She’d seen Bucky approach you upon his arrival, saw the expressions you both had as you talked and knew immediately that it didn’t go well.

Nat hummed before taking a quick sip from her glass of wine, “We’ve been watching and we’re curious.”

“He was expecting for us to be friends.” You simply stated.

Nat and Sharon groaned and rolled their eyes, “What a dick.” Nat said.

“Men really do have the audacity.” Sharon laughed and shook her head.

You joined her laughter and lifted up your own glass of wine, “I’ll drink to that.” You said before finishing your drink in one go.

One glass of wine turned into two and then three and then four. Six drinks later and you were buzzed and unstoppable. You weren’t that drunk, you were good at handling alcohol but you were tipsy for sure. The formalities of the engagement party were finally done and the guests were left to mingle around.

Wanda and Vis immediately went to your table to catch up and after giving them your heartfelt congratulations (and apologies for missing out on plenty of events), you decided to step out of the venue to get some fresh air.

The silence allowed you to process your thoughts, the same thoughts you had repressed for years. You were happy for Wanda and Vis, truly. The two have been the epitome of soulmates and it was only right for them to end up tying the knot. But you also couldn’t help but wonder, would you and Bucky end up in marriage too had he decided to stay and work things out with you?

You lift up your left hand and stared at your bare ring finger. Just a few years ago, you’d been wearing a simple gold band studded with tiny diamonds around it— a promise ring. Bucky had given it as a gift on your 6th anniversary. You’d gotten together when you were just 19 and Bucky 21. People always doubted that your relationship with him wouldn’t last long given that the two of you were so different. Not to mention, Bucky had a reputation. Girls fawned over him; he was tall and handsome, had a rugged appeal to him thanks to his long hair and tattooed left arm. He drove a damn motorcycle that got him into trouble plenty of times.

You were Miss Goody Two Shoes who played it safe and Bucky was the Big Bad Wolf who liked taking risks.

It was a surprise when your relationship with him kept on progressing and the next thing you knew, the both of you have been together for a total of eight long years. It would’ve reached nine but shit happened and Bucky decided that those eight years didn’t matter to him anymore.

“Can we talk?”

If Bucky asked you that a couple of years ago, you would’ve probably punched him in the face and kneed him at the crotch before running away. Well, you still wanted to do so but a part of you wanted to talk things out. Get a proper closure maybe since Bucky failed to give you a detailed explanation that would help you understand why he chose to leave you.

Nat told you once that some things are better left unsaid. You spent years secretly pining for Bucky after the break up, spent nights questioning yourself where you lacked that made him leave you. You’d asked Steve about Bucky whether he met someone knew or how he was dealing with the break up; it did you more damage than good until you finally gave up and decided to actually move on.

But now that Bucky was here and there was no way to avoid him, maybe you deserved this confrontation after all.

“What do you want to talk about?” You asked, keeping your eyes on the pavement right in front of you.

You felt Bucky stand beside you, placing his hands inside the pockets of his jeans before turning to you, “About us.”

You snickered, “Us? What about us? What is there to talk about us?” You asked, turning your head to face him.

Bucky’s eyes have always been your favorite feature of his. They were very expressive and if Bucky could see through you every damn time, it was his eyes that you could always read. They were still blue but they held a certain emotion in them as he gazed at you.

Sadness and...regret?

Before your assumptions could get the best of you, you turned away and waited for Bucky to speak again.

“I can’t keep on avoiding you.” He said. “I’ve been doing so for the past few years and it kills me.” He admitted.

“And you think I want to keep doing this too? I’ve missed out on so many occasions because I just couldn’t be around you. You’re not the only one struggling.” You said.

Bucky shrugged, “Then let’s stop avoiding each other.”

The way he suggested it almost offended you; he was so nonchalant about it as if it was so easy to just let him waltz back into your life. Truth was, you dreamt of the day that he’d come crawling back to you. But you knew better than to let your walls down just because you miss him.

“When Steve told me that you seemed to be doing well, I really thought it meant that we can become friendly with each other, y’now. I mean, eight years. Those years meant so much to me, we’ve been through a lot and—“

“Are you fucking kidding me right now, Barnes?!” You bitterly chuckled.

“If those eight years together really meant a lot to you, you would’ve stayed. You would’ve allowed me to work it out with you! But what, you broke up with me because you thought I was too good for you? That you felt suffocated just because I was looking out for you?”

You didn’t mean to snap at Bucky like that, in your mind you thought you would be able to have a calm conversation with him. But with the alcohol running through your body, you couldn’t stop yourself from expressing yourself and and feeling the same way you did on that specific night.

“Too good? How am I too good for you, Buck?” You asked, immediately wiping off the tears that escaped your eyes.

“You have everything planned out! For yourself, for us. And it makes me feel fucking useless! I see you work your way up at your job and I’m still figuring out what the hell I want to do with my life!” He exclaimed.

You shook your head, “I didn’t know you felt that way.” You whispered. “If you told me this then I could’ve done something about it, Buck! Rather than let it get this far, I would’ve fixed it.” You told him and tried to reach out but Bucky took a step back.

“That too! You’re a fixer! You always end up fixing things. This relationship has become an endless cycle of me fucking up things and you picking up the pieces. And every single time you clean my mess, I feel like you’re hoping I’d be like the others. It’s like you’re trying to make me into a person I’m not just so I could fit this, this certain mold you had in mind!” He accused you.

You wiped again your tears and refused to believe him, “That’s not true, Bucky! I’ve always loved you for who you are, I never asked you to change for me!”

“Yes, you do! You never said it but I always felt it...when Steve got promoted and when Sam finally launched his business. You always wanted me to be like them, you never said it out loud but that’s what you made me feel whenever we talk about my job...or lack thereof.” He chuckled bitterly.

Bucky may not be traditional in the sense that he considered himself an artist. He never liked the idea of settling for a nine to five desk job so he took on a job as a tattoo artist. It wasn’t a permanent job and he didn’t have clients demanding for him all the time so it gave him time to work for a motorcycle shop too.

It was never a problem for you but practically speaking, your and Bucky’s joint savings wouldn’t be enough for the future that the both of you have planned out.

“I’ve been supportive of you! I never asked you to give up on those jobs, Bucky.” You defended yourself.

Bucky nodded his head, “You don’t know it but you do. That’s how I felt whenever you suggested that I try something else.”

“It’s because I know you can do so much more! Stay at the tattoo parlor and mechanic shop, then fine! But don’t settle because you have the potential to make it out there, that’s what I want you to know! I don’t understand why you’re limiting yourself, Buck. Why you’re suddenly so afraid.”

You carefully took a step closer to Bucky and thank god he let you this time. You swallowed the lump in your throat and reached out to cup his face in your hand. Bucky was livid, his chest rising heavily with every breath he took.

“You were the one who taught me to be brave, to take risks. I used to be so afraid, remember? Afraid to ride your motorcycle, to try out that job I thought I couldn’t handle. I was so scared to commit,” you chuckled, remembering how much you hesitated to give Bucky a chance when he asked you to be officially his girlfriend.

“...but you’ve always been there for me. And I want to do the same with you. I know that it seems scary to let go of what you believe is your calling. You don’t have to let go of it, Buck. But you gotta try something new too.” You said as you let your thumb caress the skin beneath his eyes.

There was silence between the two of you. Bucky had calmed down and you thought that it was over. Little did you know that it was simply the calm before the storm. Because the words that came out of Bucky’s mouth were the words you didn’t expect to hear.

“Well, this is me trying something new.”

Bucky refused to meet your gaze and simply let your hand move away from his face. You shook your head no as you turned around to compose yourself.

“We were fine this morning, Buck. What happened?” You asked and embraced yourself, seeking comfort you knew you’d only get if Bucky changed his mind.

“I thought we were fine too. But the tattoo parlor is closing in a month and we haven’t been getting plenty of clients at the motorcycle shop. And it just hit me y’now, I dread coming home to you because I know you’d be disappointed and that again, you’d offer to fix my shit and the thing is, I don’t want you to. I don’t want you to fix my shit or tell me how to deal with my problems! I woke up and realized that I just don’t...” Bucky paused when you swiftly turned around with a frown, eyes brimming with a fresh new wave of tears.

“Don’t say it, Bucky. I’ll be better, I promise! I won’t nag you or pressure you into anything. Just please, don’t say it. Please don’t. We can still work this out.” You begged Bucky.

You weren’t sure you could take it, what he wanted to say. You already knew what he was going to tell you, you didn’t want to hear it. Let other people say it but god, it’d break you if you heard it from him.

“I’m sorry but I don’t need you anymore.”

The stabbing pain in your heart felt so familiar, the kind that punched all the air out of your lungs. You thought you were done crying over Bucky, but you were so wrong.

“I fucked up.” Bucky huffed out, bowing his head as if ashamed.

“You realized that just now?” You snickered. “Do you know how long it took for me to get over you? To forget the pain from hearing you tell me that you don’t need me anymore? After eight years together, Buck. You were my first everything and you gave up on us. And you really expected us to be friends, just like that?!” You spat.

“I’m sorry!” Bucky exclaimed, lifting his head to look up at you and you were surprised that his eyes were glazed with tears.

“I was wrong, I was so fucking wrong. Because you were right, I shouldn’t have settled then. But god I was an idiot, an insecure idiot.” He admitted.

“I was so used to being the one who guided you that it fucking hurt my ego when I noticed that you were becoming your own person outside of our relationship. I was supposed to be the one supporting you, pushing you to be better. You ended being the one leading me. I let my ego get the best of me and thought I’d be better off without you. But it was the biggest mistake of my life because when I left, I felt even more lost.” Bucky explained.

You were left speechless, you weren’t sure why Bucky was telling you all this. Did he want you back or was he simply apologizing? You didn’t have words so you remained quiet and waited to see whether Bucky had more to say.

“I’m so sorry, I really am. I hurt you. I should’ve stayed, should’ve worked with you to fix our relationship. I hate what we’ve become, I sincerely wanted us to be civil with each other at least.” He said.

“Bucky, you’ve been saying the same thing over and over again. I’m not sure you understand the situation. I can’t be friends with you. Not after what happened. I thought I was fine but now I realized that I’ve never really moved on from the pain you caused me.” You told him and sniffed, looking back to check whether your friends could see you.

Thankfully, all the guests were still busy mingling with each other. It’s as if the universe meant for this confrontation to happen. But now you weren’t sure what to do after you finally got a clear explanation from Bucky.

“I wanted a fresh start with you.” Bucky said. “Thought that it would make it easier for me to win you over if we were friends again.”

You scoffed in disbelief, “It’s not that easy, Buck. I can’t just let you walk back into my life after your apology. It doesn’t work that way.”

You tried to move past him but he immediately blocked your way, “When I said I’ll always love you, I meant it. I still do. I want to make things right, please. Give me one last chance to fix this.”

Maybe it was the alcohol in your system, maybe it was Bucky’s words and how sincere he sounded that made your head spin. Your heart was racing and your palms turned cold. You wanted him back too, so bad but you weren’t sure if it was a good idea. He broke your heart and your trust, you weren’t sure if you’d survive if he left you again.

“I can’t continue this conversation, Bucky. I have to go.” You told him and made your way towards the door to the venue.

However, Bucky was quick to stand in front of the door. He had a determined look on his face, one that looked extremely familiar. You were still hurt but couldn’t deny the fact that you too, still love him.

Even after everything that had happened, Bucky still owned your heart.

“Bucky, can you please move? I want to go home.” You said and tried to reach for the door knob but Bucky moved and leaned against the door.

“You need a password to get through.”

You rolled your eyes, “We’re way too old for this, Bucky. I’m not playing with you.”

He shook his head, “I’m not playing either. Give me the password or else we’d be here the entire night.”

You huffed out, “This isn’t funny. Let me through.”

Bucky shrugged, “No can do. Like I said, I can do this all night.”

You deadpanned, “What’s the hint?” You asked with a defeated sigh, knowing well enough that there was no way you could walk past him without playing along with his stupid little game.

“Consists of three words.” Bucky said.

“Penis boobs vagina.”

Bucky cackled, “And I thought you said we’re too old for this.”

You groaned, “I’m serious, Bucky. Just let me go.”

“No. I made that mistake once and I’m not doing that again. I love you. And I promise that this time, it’ll be different. I know you still love me too, so again I am asking you to take a risk and say it.”

Bucky said it with conviction and you hated how it made your stomach flip. Up until this day, Bucky had a way to make you fold. And he could still read you.

“I’m not saying it, Bucky. How sure are you that I still feel the same anyway?” you asked.

Bucky tipped his head towards your neck, “Not sure if you just forgot but you’re wearing the promise ring as a necklace.”

Fuck. Of course, you’d forgotten about it. You may not have been wearing it on your finger, but you still continued to wear it. It meant a lot to you even after the break up, so much so that you couldn’t simply throw it away or remove it. You figured that it might be better to keep it around your neck. Out of sight, out of mind but still there. You wanted it to exist, it was a part of you.

“Say it and I promise that you won’t regret it.” Bucky insisted.

“Promises are meant to be broken. You proved that the night you broke up with me.” Your voice quivered when you said that.

“And I want to make it up for it for the rest of my life.” He reassured.

“History repeats itself. I don’t think I can deal with it again if you realized the second time around that you don’t need me. Buck, you really hurt me.” You said, voice cracking before you could even finish your sentence.

Bucky quickly took your face in between his hands and for some reason, it felt right. The warmth of his palm, the love in his eyes as he gazed at you, it felt like home.

“I know and I hate myself for it. So fucking much. But I promise you, it wouldn’t happen again. I fixed my life when you left, realized that you were right. I’m better now. So let me be the fixer this time, let me be the one to fix this mess, to pick up the pieces. Because I’m just as afraid to let you go again. I can’t do that again. I love you and I need you. I always did.”

The kiss he pressed on your forehead caused your walls to crumble down. All of a sudden you were sobbing into his arms and apologizing.

“I didn’t mean to pressure you then, Buck. I didn’t know, I’m sorry too.” You cried.

“Shh, no. Please don’t apologize.” Bucky coaxed as he pulled back to kiss your tears away. “None of this was your fault, baby. It’s all on me. Let me make it up to you, please?”

The term of endearment made your heart flutter and as much as you hated how Bucky easily won you over, again, the love you have for him was quick to outweigh it. You knew you shouldn’t have given in to him just like that, but this was Bucky. He was your greatest love, someone who owned your heart even after he left.

“I miss you, baby. Couldn’t fathom the thought of you being with someone else.” Bucky admitted as he hugged you tightly.

“I was so stupid, so fucking stupid. I hated myself for hurting you. I won’t do it again, I swear.”

His hand rubbed circles against your back, helping you calm down after your breakdown. He swayed you from side to side, pressed kisses on your crown and whispered promises that he was sure he was going to keep and you basked in it. When you finally calmed down, you pressed your face into Bucky’s neck and inhaled his scent.

He smelled the same, like comfort and love and trust. You hugged him tighter and smiled into his skin and mumbled, “I love you.”

Bucky chuckled, “You got the password right but I don’t think I’m letting you go just yet.”

“Nat and Sharon’s gonna kick our asses if they find out.” You chuckled.

He pulled back and stared at you lovingly, “I’ll take the hit for you.” he laughed.

“I’m sorry.” he mumbled again, caressing your cheek with his thumb.

“Forgiven.” You told him and stood on your tiptoes until Bucky bent down to meet your lips in a kiss.

You sighed into the kiss. Four and a half years of pain and anger all gone and replaced with the love you always had for Bucky. His lips against yours made you dizzy but in a good way.

It felt right, like this was how things were really supposed to be.

You pulled back and sighed, “As much as I want to stay like this, I’m really tired.”

Bucky let you go but took your hand in his, intertwining his fingers with yours. “I’m driving you home tonight.” He said.

You smiled.

“And the next night. And the next next night.”

Yet again, Bucky proved himself to be worthy of another chance. Because he drove you home the next night, and the next next night. It went on until he regained your trust back and all was well enough for him to finally reveal the black velvet box that he had been keeping in his pocket since the night of your eventful reunion.

“You need a password to see what’s inside.” Bucky grinned up at you as he bent down on one knee.

You chuckled through your years, “Any hint?”

“One word, three letters.”

You wiped away your tears with a smile followed by a subtle nod.

“Yes.”

Bucky kept his promise all along, he really did put a ring on your finger. Took quite a while with plenty of obstacles that caused its delay, but a promise fulfilled nonetheless.

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#bbbwrites #oneshots: bucky barnes #bucky barnes #bucky #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x you #bucky x reader #bucky x you #bucky fic #bucky angst #bucky barnes fic #bucky barnes angst #sebastian stan

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redphlox · 3 years

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Dabi's fear of feelings and connections

Dabi is a walking contradiction; he says he doesn't care about anyone, but his flames, which are linked to his emotions, demonstrate otherwise when Twice is killed. Dabi brushes off the news that Natsuo could have died because of him but still refers to him affectionately as Natsu-kun. Touya went around calling Endeavor out for neglecting his children but still trained to regain his approval and attention anyway. He lashed out at baby Shouto, admitted Shouto had done nothing wrong, and then attacked him again years later. He cries blood while thinking about his family but doesn't go home to them or change his actions which hurt them even more. Dabi wants to destroy hero society for a better future but it's obvious he doesn't plan to live long enough to see that future.

The gaps between his actions and his words are a result of dissociation and repression. It's not that Dabi is emotionless. Actually, he feels too much and he's afraid of his feelings because they've done nothing but hurt him emotionally and physically. He literally almost burned to death the one time he had a burst of emotion on Sekoto Peak and in order to prevent a repeat of that, he operates under the flawed notion that safety lies in repressing his feelings and pushing people away. He lies to himself and others and therefore cannot reconcile with his true self and can’t trust others.

In this meta I'll discuss how Dabi deals with his unprocessed feelings of betrayal and neglect by denying himself connections with both his inner wounded child and those around him. I'll also address a few misconceptions surrounding Dabi because dismantling them is key to understanding him. Contrary to popular belief, he does not want to kill his father, he never wanted to be a hero for his own sake, and he doesn't hate Shouto or his family. At its core, Touya's hurt stems from discovering that his relationship with his father wasn't based on unconditional love. This realization destroyed his sense of self so much it caused him to start fearing his own feelings and being close to others because of the link between his emotions and his self-destructive quirk.

To understand Dabi we have to understand Touya. In 291 we see through Endeavor's flashback that Touya was eager to train under him and carry his legacy. It's implied by the fact they’re working on ultimate moves that not only is Touya a willing, eager participant but that the two have been training together for quite some time. In 301 we learn that after Touya's quirk started hurting him Endeavor not only abandoned the training regime but also abandoned Touya both emotionally and physically. Instead of using the time he spent training Touya to help Touya find a new hobby or purpose in life, or just hanging out with his kid, Endeavor chooses to remove himself from Touya’s life. When Touya confronts him about the change of routine, Endeavor is seen putting on his jacket and leaving the home, his body turned away from his son.

Maybe Endeavor had errands to run, but my point is that he was in Touya’s life one minute and then gone the next. Touya says so himself: why did Endeavor change his mind all of a sudden? The abrupt change in attitude was jarring for a 4-5 year old to handle. To Touya, training = love, so he felt compelled to keep training and demonstrate his worthiness despite the fact that his quirk was hurting him. To Touya, the pain was worth it if it meant hanging out with his dad again.

But why? Well, Touya was Endeavor's #1 fan, genuinely so. His admiration and fondness for his father was genuine, and he didn't question the triumphant look on Endeavor's face when Touya said he wanted to learn the ultimate move. Before his quirk started burning him, Touya had no idea he was born for his father's ulterior motives. He had no reason to question his father's attention. Touya lived under the impression his bond with his dad was genuine and special, and he probably felt lucky that his father was willing to share something so important to him (heroism). Even after the training stops and Endeavor stops paying attention to Touya, Touya still wears his merch and vies for his attention. Most kids see their parents as larger than life and Touya was no exception. Keigo Takami admired Endeavor the hero, and Touya Todoroki admired his father who just so happened to be the hero Endeavor. Since being a hero was such a big deal for Endeavor, it was a big deal for Touya.

But that's where Touya's story becomes tragic. His father is a flawed, flawed man with many insecurities and fallacies that he pushes onto his family. I’ll get to those in a moment, but as intelligent and observant Touya is to catch on that Endeavor never set out to marry to become a father, he is too young to separate himself from his father’s expectations. Touya realizes he was born for a purpose and Touya will be damned if he doesn't fulfill that purpose even if he knows it's wrong. His father's ‘love’ meant that much to him. For Touya, it's not about becoming a hero for the glory. It was about his relationship with his father because, as I mentioned earlier, Touya was his #1 fan in the sense that he loved Enji just for being his dad. There were no conditions tied to that. “You are my dad, and I love you.”

But that wasn’t a sentiment that Touya felt in return, and that hurt Touya. He internalized he wasn't good enough, that something about him was inherently wrong. But more than that, his world came tumbling down - he felt betrayed and lied to: his father didn't love him like Touya needed him to, and this truth destroyed him. Their relationship was a lie, a farce, and it hurt so much Touya became obsessed with not hurting anymore because he couldn’t get away from it.

Touya’s motivation to become a hero didn't rise from being inspired by All Might like Shouto. Touya’s thought process wasn’t "I want to be a hero to help others or be like All Might" like Deku. No, Touya only wanted to be a hero because he wanted his father to be proud of him for surpassing All Might. Notice that Touya's obsession with beating All Might slowly diminishes from “I can surpass All Might” to “I can surpass All Might like Shouto, too” to just “look at me, Endeavor.” It was never about being a hero per say, but about his relationship with his father. Touya realized that Endeavor isn't his father first, but a hero, and he understands that he has to be a hero too to fit into his father's world. Even upon realizing that his father was using him, Touya still wanted to be part of his life, still wanted that bond. Touya, in his desperation to be loved and accepted again, could look past his father's selfishness as long as he regained that approval. Touya could pretend the relationship was real as long as he stopped feeling so unlovable.

This is unhealthy thinking, of course. Even if Touya somehow managed to regain Endeavor's approval, the relationship would still be one-sided and dissatisfying because he wouldn't be able to ignore the truth. But, this is how he rationalized his insistence to keep training in his 4-5 year old mind and this line of thought stuck with him as he grew up just as those feelings of inadequacy never left him.

This is precisely why Natsuo's drowsy "can't you go talk to our sister?" hurt so much. Touya was already emotionally fragile, and hearing that felt like being rejected all over again when it was actually Natsuo just trying to sleep. Touya was hypersensitive to any words or actions that could be interpreted as dismissive. His trauma wouldn't listen to logic that Natsuo was 8 and too young to understand, that he was tired - no, Touya's brain said, you're being rejected again! This is also why he also stormed away crying from Fuyumi after she expressed her concern for him.

In Touya’s mind, why couldn't anyone just agree with him that he was good enough? He heard "your dad's right and you're not good enough so why try" not "I care about you, your father is wrong, and I don't want you to keep getting hurt" whenever Rei tried to get him to stop training because that's the message he got from his father, too. Nevermind that it infuriated Touya that his mother could stand there and preach to him when, from his perspective, she couldn’t take her own advice. All Endeavor ever did was teach him to turn up the heat, so why should it matter that doing just so hurts him? Touya didn't understand NOT training his quirk because he had been taught that raising his firepower was ideal in all situations. Those two statements didn't make sense to a 4-5 year old, a 13 year old, and it still doesn’t make sense as a 24 year old.

To take Endeavor's lack of self awareness a step further, because it's important to understand Endeavor to fully understand Dabi, Endeavor has yet to realize his own inherent worth. He doesn't have to prove anything to his family, especially his kids. They love him unconditionally, without special reason aside from the fact that he's theirs and he's himself. However, Endeavor is so obsessed with proving himself that he doesn't realize he never had to, and he projects this onto his children. They must prove themselves by winning the genetic lottery, by being useful to his plans, by surpassing All Might.

The irony that to be a great father he doesn't have to be a hero at all is ugly because Endeavor has no identity outside of being a hero. Endeavor has said before he wants to be a good hero and father to make Shouto proud, but he fails to realize he already had this in Touya all those years ago and it still left him unsatisfied. The issue isn’t his role as a hero, it’s his inner self. In 301 Endeavor literally reaches out to Touya to talk him out of training and hurting himself, and Touya allows his father to touch his shoulders because he wants a bond with his father - any bond. Shouto, on the other hand, wouldn't allow Endeavor to touch him in 167 and slaps his hand away because he doesn’t want Endeavor’s approval. Endeavor doesn't realize Natsuo carries deep abandonment and neglect issues because he wanted to be accepted by his father too (light novel #5) but was ignored. Endeavor doesn't realize he was always good enough by default and that by projecting onto his kids and trying to be the top hero he’s doing the opposite of what he wants. He just keeps pushing away his family.

It’s important to point out Endeavor’s illogical thinking because Touya learned some of these same ideas. Touya repeatedly tries to prove himself without realizing that he was always good enough by default. The problem wasn’t his quirk or his body, but his father’s flawed thinking and self-worth issues. Now as an adult, Dabi is selfish because he's Endeavor's son and emobidies his most negative characteristics. Dabi thinks of his flames as Endeavor's, and he thinks of himself as an extension of Endeavor because that's how Endeavor set him up for life. Touya has no identity to fall back on after his father casts him aside. He was supposed to be Endeavor 2.0, but now that title is Shouto’s. Dabi doesn’t hate Shouto as a person, but he has tricked himself into believing Shouto is their father’s puppet. Shouto is a doll being used by their father with no self agency, and Dabi is going to break all of Endeavor’s toys. It’s nothing personal against Shouto, it’s just Shouto’s bad luck that he happens to be Endeavor’s masterpiece. This is why Dabi doesn’t hurt Shouto when they first meet at the training camp, and why Dabi stops attacking Shouto after Endeavor passes out - it’s not about Shouto. It’s about Endeavor, and breaking Endeavor. Touya is still there trying to be part of his father’s world, only this time not as a hero but as a villain who will end his own suffering. He doesn't want Endeavor to die, he just wants him to suffer, to ruin his dreams. Dabi thinks of it as justice.

But because Touya is still there, there is still that goodness in him, too. His connection to Fuyumi and Natsuo is still there, repressed and compartmentalized. It’s why he calls them affectionately as Fuyumi-chan and Natsu-kun. Touya’s pain is so great he has decided he’d rather end it than to carry on and look elsewhere. He's stuck, rightfully so. He recognizes his mother is a flawed person and ultimately doesn’t blame her for being a victim - she could have done more for her son, but he still sees her and his other siblings, even Shouto, as people who fell victim to Endeavor’s abuse who don't challenge their situation. Dabi sees himself as someone who does stand up to the abuse but doesn’t realize he still wants his father’s attention. He's always wanted it. That's why he went around at 13 condemning his father's treatment of his children but still trained to prove himself. This is part of the reason he became a villain.

Not to mention that Dabi literally can't cry. He has no way to release those emotions, so instead of trying to let them out, he pushes them down. But that doesn't work and is detrimental in the long run. In 290-294 we saw Dabi's flames burn so hot during his confrontation with Endeavor and revealing himself as Touya that his burns have spread. Dabi is afraid of his feelings because of their connection to his flames, but he also uses his feelings to his advantage. He wants to go out in an inferno along with Shouto just to hurt Endeavor and put an end to his own suffering and Endeavor's career. This is why Dabi doesn't bother calming himself down or denying that he never forgot how he was treated when he lived at home. Dabi became emotional in that battlefield, smiling maniacally instead of crying because he physically can't cry. In his mind, if his feelings are going to destroy him, he might as well use them to prove a point. After all, he has experience being used. It's why he was born.

I'm not saying any of these actions or thoughts are healthy or correct or condoned, by the way. Trauma responses don't make logical sense and usually aren't healthy. Knowing how the mind responds to trauma, it's understandable that Touya still wanted his father's attention even if it was abusive. In fact, this is how children often respond to abuse. Their caretaker/parent is all they know and they cling to these figures. Often times when authorities try to remove a child from their abusive parents, the child doesn't want to go because this parent is all they know and they do feel like they love their parent/caretaker. I’m not saying the authorities got involved in this case, because obviously they didn’t, but this same mentality of abused children can be applied to Touya. Touya, in his four year old mind, probably convinced himself that if he was good enough everything would go back to how it used to be.

So, to sum up Dabi’s character, of course he doesn't make any sense. He’s still that hurt 4-5 year old who is trying to protect himself from ever getting hurt like that again while still wanting his father’s validation. Of course he doesn’t want to get close to anyone, not even the League. He doesn't want to be vulnerable or let people in or form connections because the last time that happened he was let down, forsaken, and it hurt so much it literally made him lose control of his quirk to the point he almost died. When Twice is killed, Dabi consoles himself by saying he didn't care anyway, all to prevent another emotional fire. Dabi is a master of compartmentalizing and boxing away his feelings - this is probably why, 310 chapters into BNHA, we have yet to have a few chapters in his POV or his backstory. He's disconnected from himself. He knows his plot to get justice will hurt his siblings and mother and to live with himself and move forward he represses those feelings.

Because of his father not showing up on Sekoto peak, Dabi has to live with physical disabilities due to his scars and memories of burning alive. He doesn't want to go through that again so he lies to himself that he doesn't care about anyone or anything. He denies that he's still in pain while simultaneously seeking validation of his pain. He acts like he doesn't care about his family but still calls them affectionate names. He acts like he hates Endeavor and calls him by his name but still wants his attention. He decided long ago that he would die destroying Endeavor's career because that was the thing Endeavor cares about most of all in this life. It's a "you hurt me so I'll hurt you" mentality. He has tricked himself into thinking this is justice, failing to realize this won't make him feel better if he doesn't die by his own hand along the way.

Dabi is full of resentment and spite, both of which take root from feelings of abandonment, betrayal, and the loss of a purpose and the realization that he wasn't born to be loved for who he was but as a tool for his father. The first betrayal he suffered was in the form of realizing his father didn't love him genuinely, and this was identity-breaking for him. He never recovered from it. The second betrayal, the reinforcer, was his father not showing up to Sekoto Peak. Since then, Dabi is reliving his trauma over and over again the more he uses his quirk and the more he faces Endeavor. To be saved, Dabi needs to accept that he is loved unconditionally and needs to be validated that he was right to feel thrown aside and used.

#dabi #touya todoroki #toya todoroki #shouto todoroki #shoto todoroki #bnha #bnha meta #my meta #endeavor

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