#very similar except for the selfless/selfish type of thing | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

kayladoesnotknow · 2 years

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The Kids In The WordKnight AU part 2

Here's a part two of what the kids would be like in my AU, staring Eileen, Tobey and Rex! :3

Eileen Gulliver (A.K.A Birthday Girl):

Eileen Gulliver is a 10-year-old girl who came from a family that remains on the lower side of Fair City's high society. She was best characterized as greedy, heartless, aggressive, self-centred, and often immature. She appears to be an innocent little girl towards other people, she gets whatever she wants by using an unreal polite manner, puppy eyes and a baby voice saying "Today is my birthday!", And would get hostile if she is denied what she craves.

Eileen was like this because she was repeatedly taught by her parents that she was special and more valuable than the others and that every day is her birthday, and she can anything she wants. That statement is often drilled into her by her parents and she started to believe that she was entitled to everything. She would be titled "The Birthday Girl" by all the kids around her. Eileen used to be very greedy and selfish thanks to her parents, that is until the Particle Accelerator Incident that happened when she was six. The shockwaves affected her greatly and accidentally exposed her to Gamma-rays from the unactivated bomb her parents had in their basement (She was playing near the basement at that time). She was found fainted in the house with several first and second-degree burns. She stayed in the hospital for a few months before she can be discharged.

At first, there was no problem with her aside from her movements being wonky and small problems with basic motor functions, but the doctor said as long she takes her medication and continues physical therapy for another couple of months, she should be okay. So everything was fine, Eileen was still her greedy self. It wasn't until the side effects of her exposure to Gamma rays started their toll on her. She simply got too carried away in her greediness one day that she slowly started to get bigger, her skin would turn green and have a more scaly like texture to it. She rampaged through the neighbourhood, destroying everything in her path before she was injected with sedatives and she went back into her original form with no problems whatsoever.

Her parents didn't think much about it, it was just one accident. But Eileen transformed more often, and that was quickly becoming a problem. Not long after they found out the reason she only transformed into a hideous monster when she's subjected to heavy greed (or sometimes against her will), not to mention whenever Eileen is in her monster form she would act more primal, more animalistic. They can't have a daughter that transforms into a hideous, green thing so they hired a scientist to make a shock collar that would be able to subdue her every time she feels greedy.

Now though, Eileen isn't the same Selfish, greedy, self-centred, and entitled girl she used to be anymore. Thanks to the collar that's disguised as a heart necklace around her neck, she's much tamer, 'selfless', and much nicer. She still has that baby talk, and people still call her the birthday girl. Eileen still uses her birthday as an excuse to try to get what she wants but she would often back off before she could get electrocuted. Yet, because she has a collar that keeps her emotion in check, it makes her feel pressured and makes her much more prone to feeling stressed and anxious as she is not allowed to take off her collar unless she's taking a shower. She's skittish and twitchy, a bit unstable, similar to Violet, except unlike her whose unstableness is subtle and often hidden, Eileen's unstableness is much more visible and evident.

₴ⱨɇ ₴₮ØⱠɆ 🄱🄴🄲🄺🅈-🅆🄴🄲🄺🅈 ₳₩₳ɏ ₣ɽø₥ ₥ɇ

Theodore "Tobey" McCallister III:

Tobey is a brilliant planner and an 11 years old boy genius. He adores building robots of any kind, differing from tiny robots, to enormous ones, no matter the size or type, he'd built them all. Hell, he even built a unicorn robot once just because he was bored, he ended up giving it to Becky because of how insistent she was in having it, and because he doesn't have any use for it. At least she gave him money for it though, so that's a win. But most of the time he just keeps his robots at home, leaving them in the dark during the day and used for malicious purposes at night.

Unlike in the show, Tobey here isn't as well-known. He'd rather keep his distance from the crowd and be alone in a quiet place. He doesn't talk much, he doesn't boast, and he'll act complete cold and aloof to those who approach him even the teachers. He practically blends in the background. People don't even notice him unless he says something, and that's rare, even Becky who's supposed to be Tobey's academic rival (with how they're always competing who's the smartest in the class) hardly even notices him.

Tobey is surprisingly acrobatic, leaps and well-coordinated in movement. He's agile and slippery to catch, it's a skill he developed after being chased and caught by WordKnight numerous times when he's being his criminal alter-ego known as Tech-boy. He acts a lot differently when he's out as Tech-boy, he's cunning, sophisticated, pompous, and sometimes manipulative to get things that benefit him. He has charisma, and he can often use that to charm people and get away with many things but not WordKnight, never WordKnight, she was just too smart to fall for those kinds of tricks (his words, not mine). She'd get trapped by him at times, but she always gets out, no matter how many obstacles he'd put, no matter how many puzzles he created for her. He has always admired her for that, for her stubbornness and determination to let nothing stand in her way of catching a criminal. Of catching him.

Tobey stays with his mother Claire, in a small apartment at the nicer, safer part of Fair City, where crime isn't as active and people can still walk along the streets without hustling and running to their homes. His F̵͈̾a̷̼̻̙̺͓̲̝͌͒͋̔ţ̷̟̒͌̿͋̇́͐͐͜ḣ̵̗̊ḛ̸̫͕̤͎͖̋̒̾̀̚r̵̫̗̪͎̠̩̭̋͗̈́̋͐̄̀̕͠? Out of the picture, Tobey didn't know much about his father aside from the fact that he was a famous criminal in the underground, and Ả̵̡̗͈̟̠̥̣͗̎̓͂̄͋͘͝ ̸̢̛̪̖͔͈͖̈́͒͋̈́̾͌͛͝g̸͖̞̹̹̜͎̺̓̌͒̇̉̕͠e̵̖͓̮̲͕͚͆͜͝n̴͎̬͙̂͌͒̚̕ỉ̷̫̬̲̍͐̇͌̓̄͌̌ư̶͙̦̲̯͇̦͗̎͛̉̐͊͘s̸͊̽̂ ̶̧̰͍̤͈̳̳̑́͂ͅi̶̛͚̫͙̇́̃̔̉̂͆͘

n̸̡̪̜̥̰̹̳̗͛͒͒̾̐̅͝͝ͅṿ̷̐̆͐̐͒̏̿̿̊͜e̸̢͎̟̩̒̎̀̀̿͋͊ṋ̴̡̼̹̂̓͊ṭ̶̩̔̐̅͋̚ớ̴̹͎͔͙̞͍̫̅̌̂̈͌̓r̴̢̡̮̞͍͔̐͑̎́̐̄̂͘͝.̸̨̰̳͓̲͈̯̥͙̈̅͋̑͆͝.̵̨̙̰͈̝̠̉̃̈̏̚.̶̧̡̻̦͈̣̠̭̏̐̎̆̾̅̎̕ ̶̰̫̱̮̩̈́W̵͕̗̻̩̥͐̎͌͆̽͆͆ḩ̵̭̪͓̍̓̈̌͂̄̀̾͜͝i̶̥̬̩̼͇̾c̷̖͐̔̀h̷̰͛͂̀͘͘ ̴̭̟̪̹̦͙̈́͜m̵̞̥͎̊͛̆̽̆̚͜͠ą̷͚͇͕͓̦̙̬̅̎̇͘d̷͓̗̻̯͓̮͋́̐͋ë̸͍̲̗̬̦̞́̓̅͜ ̷̤͖̝̥̍̔͋̈̌͑T̶͓͇͈̈̃̂͂̇̒̋͠͝ǫ̸̙̬́̍͌̋̀b̸̪̗͗̔̽́ȩ̵̢͖̲͕͕̻̐͠y̸̙̩̱̖͈͓̱̖̦̆̽̄̾͝ ̷̧̫̬̠̼̈̌̇̄͛̕ͅẉ̵͙̞̪͓̤̙͔̈̉̒̉͘͘̕͠a̵̡̜͖͝ǹ̸͙̺̙͐̄͗̀̾̕͝t̶̠̥̓͠ ̶͙̇̿̅t̶̬̱̟̳̀̓ō̵̥̼̼͗͐͝ ̵̪͓̼̜̫͖͔̯͊͌̅ļ̷̤̹̞̟̪̮̮̋̚ͅa̷͙̩̰̓̈́̉̂̑̒̈́̒͘u̸͙̝̫̬̹͒̒̋͌͆́̂̎͆ģ̴̝̣̝͎͇̣̳̓͂̂̈́̍͆̒̎͂ḧ̸̼̤̰̭͈̯͓̦́̓̏͛̚.̶̭̉̀̀́͋͝ ̶̥͍̺͍̟̒̑̇H̶̳͙̠̘̲͌̌͆̕͜͠ͅį̷̢̢͓̻̩̘̳̗̓͑̀̈́͑̔̈͝s̸͈͕̣̫̩̮̽̿͒̋̾̎͂͠ ̵͓͖̙̠̩̜̣̓̆̊́̾̑̂͗̚f̸̨̢̗̱̩̲̳̼̈́̏̈́̎̾̈͑̋͜a̴̧̰͍̱͗̿ͅt̴̨̹̦͚̦̐̅̈́h̷̨̹͈͒̽͛̌̈́͌͝͠͝ẽ̸̘͎̭̋̍̂̀͘̚͝͝ŗ̷̻̙̘͚̿̃̉ ̷͍̗̐͊̄̓̔̐d̶͇̼̫̂̒͊i̸̘̱̭̮̻͑͝d̶̢̺͍́̀̾̔́̚͜n̷̡̧͇̲̳̲̯̱͇̓̉̓̌̀̈̓̈́͘'̶̏̔͐̓̅̕͜͝t̷̩̲͍̟̺͉̺̊̇̒̕ͅͅ ̷̢͓̪̹̹͙̯̦̗̒̓̊̾͋́͗͒̉ẽ̵̡̘͈̦̟̙̳̄͂̓͊̄͘ͅv̸͎͉̜̳͆͋̏ë̷̥́̀͛͘n̵̡̜̿̑̉͌̃ ̵̧̝̰̝̭̄͆͒̎͂̏͠ȧ̶̰̼͓̌̿̇͐̉͐͂ ̶̼͒͗̉͝s̴̯̊͆͊̒̈́͗̇̆̍î̴̧̢̗̰͈̜̓͜n̸̡̟͚̦̬̉ͅg̶̛̦̠̍̓̇̋̀̄͝ļ̵̣̟̮͉̳̈́͌́̇͛̋͆̀̆ȅ̴̳̠̭̦͈̲̤̤͐̇̎̓̀̉͠ ̸̢̩̝̠̦͇̼̩͚̂͑̕͝ẗ̴̺̖͉́̐̅̓̈́͋͒͝h̵̬̺̬̖͚͕͖̱͛̍̏̎̎̓͊͂i̶̬̲̱͓̫͓̺̲̮͆͌͐̓̕n̷͓͍̹͈̒̉͐̃̒̆͘̚͘͜g̷̞͇̦̖͔̀͐̈́̈́̃͜ ̵͉̗̝̮̰̞̯̋̓̏͛̍̅͝ĕ̵͕̟͕̺̤͛̈́͑̒̐͘͜ͅx̵̟̽̽̾͝c̷̨̬̼͚̓̒̿̆ẻ̴̱͓̹̩̮̋̍̆͆̒̽̈́͝p̶̢̱̮̭̮̤͇̏ţ̷͈̪͇̝̠̹͇̂͋̋̓͝͠ ̷̧̬̖̖̈́ẃ̸̺͖̞̻̣̌̇͒̐͜a̸̯̥̙̎̐͑̈̐̍̑̚y̷͓͙̘͖̭͔̎̽̉̈́̋s̷̻̹͉̊̿͛̈̏͐͒͋̾ ̴̜̈̿͠ţ̵̧̙̟̳̬̳̤̍̏͠ô̷̢̱̮̦̠͍̂̑̈́̈́ ̴̫̫̱͖͉̫̱̀͋͐̌̕m̶͇̉̓̑́̋̾͋͘a̶̞̼̦̥̒́͛̐ḳ̸͔͓͈̱̥̟̻̝͑͗̿̽̔e̵̫̤̣̱͓̹͋̓̆̀ͅ ̸̫̘͚̈́̏̑͛͝h̸̟̪̟͍͚̯̽̓̔͐̄͗̚͝ͅi̴̼̔̏̆͐̂̊̅̚͠s̵̗͖̏͊̓̈́̇̐́̓̕ ̴͖̓́̕͠͝s̶̨̱̘̰̥̯̝͈͛̏̈̀͛̒̆͘ö̶̥̯̘́́͌̋̌͋̑́͝n̵̬̰̟̓̆͗̃͊̆'̵̨̮̲̦͕͕̘̺̀͒̅́͛͗͘͝ş̸̞̖̚ͅ ̸̧͚͙̣͈͓͉̌̀͝͝ͅf̴̱̜̪̻̓̀ï̶͍̬ȓ̶̡̼̞̤̱̰̯̼͊͂ś̸̬̱͙̈̈́̑̓̾̉̌͝t̶̠͚̫̪̹̣̉̋̿͋̈́̂͝͝ ̷̧̨͙͈̱͈̳̩͑̔̏͛̀͝͝7̵̻̭̺͑̒̀̒̊̌̚͜ ̴̪̝̹͈͙͔̐̑̎̆̌̾͘͠ẏ̷̡̨̩̹̫̺̠̻̗͆͐́̆̽̿̊è̴̺̠͎̳̀͊́̚̕ͅȃ̴͈̬͉̃̔̾̊͝r̶͉͋s̷̛̼̙̑̒̅̄͝ ̵̧̖̺̖̘̌͛͋͘͝ŏ̸̧̨͚̳̦̞̱̖̗̈͆͌̓f̷̯̈́̈́̄̀̃͆̃͝ ̸̣̪̬͕̈́͜ļ̴̛̝̘̝̫͕̝̅̑̅̿́̏̈ͅí̸̻̥̠̼̂͐̒͐͂̒̚f̸̛̖̼̺̹̰̭̜̫̒͋ê̴̡͓̖͍̣̼̮̯̼̌́̎̓̈́̐̍̄ ̵̧̧̖̠̲̪̂͐m̶̩͎̐̽̀͊i̷̪̪͋͋̓̚̕̚͝s̴̢͎͉͇̳̓̓͗͝ȩ̸̣̯͛̆̈r̷̦͎͋̊̒̀̂̚ḁ̷̱̈̈́̓̀̃̕͝ͅb̸̛̥͐̾̈̌̽͑l̵̲̾̋̈͌̈́́̌̈͘ẹ̴̳̯͕̹͎̪̼̤̄̉͑.̷͔̒̎̎̈́T̵̬̱͇͎̫͋͐̈́͌̋̽̐͝͠ö̴̞͙̻̘̥̱͙͗͜͜b̷͖̖̝̺͐̈́̓̏̀́́̿͝ͅę̸͙̩͕͎̫̥͠ỹ̴̖̀̽͌̃͌̚ ̶̦͚̞͖̣͇͈͎̍͂̑͜m̷̓͗͂͜ȧ̵̈́̚ͅỳ̸͍̣̩̝̯̹͔̦̆̔ ̷͇̃̆͐͋͌̈́̾b̷̡̧̥̯͓̱͓̰͎̓͊͂̀͛ȩ̵̢͔͓́̑̈́̓ ̵̢͈͖̜̮̈a̷̡̺̗͈͍̋ ̵̮̰̤̺̬̐̇v̴̰̻̤̠̣̋͌̎̀̎ͅí̸̤̻͖̭͓͇̽̈́͌l̷̳̱͇̭̯̙͆͌͊̄̎̏̃͋͘l̸̨̳̘̖̝̜̥̥͗̍̚͜͝ă̷̗̼̪̦̆̈́̃̎ȉ̴̡̠̘͚̆̓͌͐̕͝n̵͕̿̑ ̸̧̜̰͇̤̣̻͈̈́̆̇̊̒͐͛̔ẗ̶͍̗͎́̇͛̐͋̿ỏ̵̗̺̗̬ò̷̘͒͐́̐̕ ̷̛̹̰̦͓͌̇̀̊͘͝b̶̥̪͔̬̮̦̽̽͐͋͌͋̚͠͝ů̸͈͈͚̩͙́͂͋̈́t̵̫̟̼̫̹̞̅̐̄̋͜͝͝ ̴̤̠͕͎͊̎͗̂̍̀͊ą̵̡̜̻͓̗̓̾͂̐t̶̫̲́̓̉̒͝ ̵͓͈̬̠͙̒l̵̡̨̰̖̜̞̃̅̀̆͝e̵̛̛̩̞̒͛͆́́̀͛a̶̝̦̹͇̣̤̎s̷̩̣̭̼̙̹͈͒̑t̸̡͔͈͖̙̞̄̿͒̌̾͋̉ ̷̩̪̟̬͕͖̼͆ͅh̸̰̼̯̖͚͋͛̐ͅe̴͚̜͒̃̓͠ ̶̱̯͇̰͔̯̍ͅh̷͇̻͉̣͕̻̀̄͛͌͜ã̶̡̨͔̜̖͉̑͐͋̓͗͜s̵̛͖̹͎͍̭͍͍̈́͌̕ ̵̥̬̯̖͎͇̌̆̍s̷̡̼̭̥̪͋͒̅͂͗̇̊̇͠ţ̴̛̛͕͚̻̺͈̓̏͋̅ͅa̶͈͎̠͔͔̹͐͂̂͠n̵̦̾̐́̇͌͆͝͝d̴̢̦̣̭̞̪͕̂͜a̴̎͜r̵̛̗̊̈̃̑̃͌̕͜d̸̬̈́́̉̇̓̀̂͠ṡ̸̻̦̻͐̊͊̍͋.̸̟͉͓̳̮̌͑̆̄̄

He used to ask his mother about him, but he always gets a blank, and hollow stare as an answer so he learned to stop eventually. Speaking of his mother, Claire... Was an okay parent, they have their disagreements and differences but their relationship is good enough. She tries her best, she does, when she wasn't drugged out of her mind, she'd try to make a connection with him, even if their interactions are stiff and awkward. Tobey would always wonder where his mother would get just enough money to pay rent and food when she's always spaced out, but then again he probably shouldn't complain considering he's lucky enough to have a roof over his head. He actually saw her go out late at night wearing strange clothes once, he has a suspicion of where she gets her money from but it's too fucking terrifying for him to consider.

For now, Tobey is just... Okay with his life. Staying invisible throughout school, staying in his bedroom when he's at home working on her robotic projects and if he's feeling it, he'll go out at night as Tech-Boy and attain WordKnight's attention. So for now, he's okay with how things are doing.

Rex:

Rex: Rex is a 7-year-old boy that was unexpectedly picked up by Becky. He was found by WordKnight during a harsh night in Fair city when he was cornered by a bunch of petty thugs. But before WordKnight could jump in, Rex had at least knocked 6 of them unconscious, but he didn't notice the 7th thug behind him ready to whack him with a wooden board before WordKnight took him down.

WordKnight while impressed by his combat abilities, was still worried about this little child. Where were his parents? What was he doing out so late? Doesn't he know the dangers of Fair city? Does he live in an orphanage somewhere?

WordKnight interrogated Rex about a lot of things, but in the end, it was plenty obvious that Rex was homeless and had nowhere to stay. So she dropped him off in a safe, and non-exploitative orphanage centre before returning to her base where she inquired Huggyface to scour the web and find more information about him.

Turns out, Rex was a science experiment from Hexagon Laboratory, a branch of Lexi Labs that was settled in the neighouring state.The lab was still active, unlike Lexi Labs, there wasn't an explosion or anything. Secret government officials are looking for this boy, and another project that Hexagon Labs had been working on was halted temporarily ever since he went missing. So Rex was pretty much either lost or a runaway. Becky was, in other words, delighted, she found someone that was like her!

WordKnight met Rex again two nights later, she told him how she had found out all about him and offered to help him get back to Hexagon Laboratory. Rex of course panics and tackles WordKnight before running away, where WordKnight chased him for a while. He was more agile than she was so it was a challenge but she managed to trap him. What surprised her most was when she caught him, Rex was a crying mess, he kept ฿ɇ₲₲ł₦₲ and ₴ø฿฿ł₦₲ (đø₦'₮ ₣øɽ₵ɇ ₥ɇ ₱ⱠɆ₳₴Ɇ—) for WordKnight to let him go and not return him to Hexagon Labs. Becky didn't understand why he didn't want to go back, after all, Hexagon labs had created him, just like how Lexicon Labs created her...

...

A̷̜̝͐̅̆̓̃̀̽̓́͊̒̕͠͝r̴̼͖̼͖͆͊e̴̤͚̬͙̟͕̟͖̙͖̝̰̪̯̰̺͖̜̾̋̈̇̑̆̅̊́͑͐̒̅̆͒̃̂̕͜͠͠ͅn̴̞̝͖͕̠̫̯͕̘̥̪̫͑͐̓̓̌͜͠͝'̸̡̪̺͖̖̦͖͈̘͉͂̆͗t̵͈̭̝̹̝̠͎̓̽̍̓̃̓͒̇͘͠ͅ ̵̧̧̲͖͇͉̞͕̭̬͇̤̼̲̬̰͎͎̔̀͑͛t̵̛̛̹͍̜̿̏͌͐́͆̋̈́̔̃̅̚͝͝ͅh̵̘͈̰̝̱̹̰̪̰͚̮̖͋̉ȩ̵̨͖̠̣͕̬̻̯̪̬̱̗̀͛͜ỳ̷̡̟̗̜̤̩̺̖̰͉̋̽̃͋͌͌́͆̈̏̉̽̒ͅ ̸̨̧̼̣͚̙̠̟̗͕̟̻̘̑̀́́͜ͅg̷̡̡̳͓̣̙̟̬̟̗̞̫̯̩̬̯̍̈́́͑̀̔̽͜͠ô̶̮͙̱̙̩̗͔̫̘̺͋̈́͐̄͆̋́̍̿ͅö̸̧̢̧̘̫̗͖͚̯̥̞͖̙̙̻d̸͍̓͝?̸̢̨̨̛̦̜͙̲̣͔̘̤̤̟̬̦͙̪̹̓́̒̌̊̑̑̔̈́̊̃̃́̈͛͂͠͠͝ͅ

....

WordKnight had agreed to not hand him over back to the lab, which Rex thanked her with his full gratitude, and returned him to the orphanage and kept him off the government's radar (which wasn't an easy job).

Long story short, Rex now goes out at night as WordKnight's partner, he had gone for the name Cypher. While they were both modified to be the perfect war weapon, they still had some noticeable differences. Unlike Becky who was modified to fit close-ranged, hand-to-hand combat. Rex was modified to fit more of a gunslinger, because of that, Rex is weaker than Becky in terms of strength, and he has lower stamina than her. But he is more agile, and had more accurate aim than she does, not to mention sharper eyesight, fit for far-ranged.

Cypher usually just stays in the background, holding his guns to aim at his targets, backing up WordKnight from behind. Helps her by shooting several criminals in the legs, stunning them and making it easier for her to beat them, and sometimes shoots rope off of cranes or shipment boxes to trap criminals in them. He can hold himself pretty good in fist combat but he just prefers guns more.

With the help of Becky and huggyface, they manage to get Rex signed into their school database, where he was automatically enlisted as one of the students there.

School is... Okay, he wished that math lessons there were far more advanced but not that he could complain, the kids here weren't like him after all. He'd visit Becky's house often to play with her, where he becomes close friends with Becky's little brother, TJ, and his best friend, Johnson.

Rex is pretty content with how his life is now, of course, there's the constant hanging threat of the fact that the government is looking for him, and then there were times when he felt like he was a freak like he didn't belong because he wasn't a normal kid... But Becky was always there for him, she tried her best to cheer him up but it always ends up with her relating to him a lot. But that's okay, they can be freaks together.

Not only that, but he gets to patrol with her at night, saving and helping people from the bad ones, it felt right to him, like it was something he's meant to do.

Ḑ̴̨̛̛̹̯́̃̈́̀o̵̢͍͉̗̙̠͆́͒͂͠ñ̴̩̮̯͕̐̈́̕͘͜'̶͖͍͉̓͑́͋̈́̈t̸̨̳̙̙͓͈̐ ̷̢͉̺̞̞̓̑͑̉̍m̵͖̝͍̃ạ̴̏̒̑k̵̘̟̲̈̌̕ë̸̻̣̼͕̣́̏̑̊ ̴̠̌ḥ̴̂̀̉́̌͝ī̶͚̻͈͋̿m̸̳̜̝̤͠ ̴̳̚͜k̵̪̎i̴͕̬̽̑̄̀l̶̻̼͎̫̪͖̆̏̌̇̕l̵̜̉́̍̈́͘,̷̱̠̖̥̹͈̍̾͐ ̵̤͓̞̮̭̎̉̓͆̆p̶̰̜̯̥̤̑̑͂̉l̶̝̭̀͜e̶̩̯̬̖͗â̸̛̹̺̩̰̬̑͂̕ș̶̊͋ę̶̧̧̈͝,̵̰́̓͛̓͘ ̴̢̢̨̫͇̰̇͊̎̀̇̽ĥ̵̻͉̔e̷̪̼͍̳̗̅̾̃͐̊ ̷̙͓̻͕̀̍ç̵̣̒́͑̄͠â̶̫̊̎̂̇̂n̶̬͎͊̊̇͛͋'̸̛͕͉͇̐̀t̶̨͆̇̊̏̍͝ ̴͇̈́̀͒͛̚̕a̸̡̺͖͙͔̱̒̓̍̋̆̚f̵̧̥̘̓̋͆f̶̱͒̃͒̿̍ō̶̟̥̹̗̽̌̎͠r̵͈͔̥͙͊͊͆̈́͜d̴͉͍̠͈̀ ̸̭̈́́̀̀t̸̲̜̋o̸͍̰̦͍̗̠̿̀̒͘ ̸̨̺͋̏͛͜k̴̨͙̻̪͎͂͋͂̄͗į̶̘̦̤͖̎͆ḽ̵̃̒̆̚͘ͅl̷̛̫̟̺̈́,̴̤̬͕̂͆͂͐͝ ̵̧̈́͌p̶̘͍̓́ļ̸̘̱͙̞͐e̴̹̱̬̎͂̉͝ͅą̵̹͉̬̯͋̋̈́͒ṣ̵̒̆̓̆̆́e̴̡͉̦̎̿͂͛͘ ̴̢̧̞͖̦̹̋̅̓̈́̓p̵̯̹̬͔͆ļ̷͙͕͔͇̻͊̇̈̈́̔̚e̴̯̗͎̓̏a̶̢̞̾͐s̴̘̙͆̅͘ḙ̵̈̒̌̌̚͝ ̶͚̠̺̖̼͑̾̀͠p̴̞̙̝̭̅ḻ̸͝é̴̙̑̆̈̅͝a̶̻̣͉̰͚͂͛́̉ṣ̷̾͗̕ĕ̵͔̥̲̓͂̓̑̒ͅ ̷͙̈́͋̈́͛̆̚p̵̟̖͖̝͐̅͜l̶̨͙̤͚̰͇̿e̷͖̦͓͔͉͐̀̍͝ã̴̜͙̩̥̮̃̚s̴͙͙̤̅͝ẻ̴̖̪͙̜͈̑̒̓̅̚

He's content with the concept of just being... And that's what Rex thinks he'll do for the rest of his life (if he could)

......

Ḑ̵̡̢̫̘̺͙̤̟̖̗̖̼̙̪̤̯̜͖̘̈́̈́̀̔̍̄̈́̋̈́͛̊̑͒̄͐̀͗̓̐͘͘̕͝͝͝Ơ̵̢̢͈̥̗̭̲̪̠̤̤̰̻̲͖̜̣̻͓̣̠̜͇̱͔͌͗̇̓̾̉̅͛̀̿͗̋̅̆̄̅̐̂́̌͘̚̚͘͝N̴͍͇͉͚̤͈͚͖̭͖͇̙̣̖͓̐̉͆͐͊͑̏̈́͋̄̅͌̀̒͊̎̐͘͜͜͝͠'̶̨̧̨̥̩͓̺̮͉̮̞͇̜͙͍̬̱͉͓̹͚͎̱̙̗͈̟̟̻̽̍͜ͅT̵̘̘̥͕̣̖̟̤͑̂͜ͅ ̸̧̛̏̒̄̂̓̎́̑͆̀̈́̿͑̑͛͆̊̕C̴̨͎̜̲̼̗̪̠̫͚͔͇͛̈̎̒͗̃͊͑̄̚̚O̸̢͎̙̟͉͓̩͉͇̦͌̾̌̄̑̊͗̄̿͐̇̾͋͋̾̓̕͜ͅḾ̵̛̰̗̺̝͔̦̖̼̈̓̆͊͛̊̏͌̐̀̀͗̈́ͅE̴͉̬̰̳̤̦̥̟̟̩̭͊̓̍̾̑̎̎̾̓̍͘̚ ̸̛̜͚̼̭̠̲͚̞̙̆̓̂̓̿̀̓̍̇̀̿̾̑̿̋͋̏̓̆̕̕͘͘B̷͚̯̘̻̠͕̫̹̠̩̱̑̒̈̂͆͂̓̈́̃̽̓͌̓̍̿̂̋́̍̉̆͋̇́͆̿̕͘A̶̧̢̮̖̹̘̯͎̝͈̟̙̦̭͇͗͋͊̍̈́̅̐͆̏̋͂͜͝C̸̢̧̡̡̛͙̮̮̲͚͉̼̬͖͚͇͇͖̯̺͈͓̬͈̞̘̮̹͕̈́͌̂͑͗́̊̈́̑͛̽̅̽͗͌̅̆̐́̓̾̕͜͜͜͠ͅK̴̢̡͉̮̠͚̱͇̲͍͇̜͚̲̰̤̮͍̱̦͑͆̄̓͛ ̴̨̛̺̳̟̫͈̯̖̹̳̝̫͎͉̤̰̹̞͓̮͕̆̉̑̒̋̌́̈́̎ͅͅD̷̨̡͙̞͍̾͌̿̑̀̏͑̒͒̾͌̍̃̅͋́͊̑̐̈̀̾̔́̚͘͝͠͠͝Ơ̷̡̡̛̫̦̮̘̭͇̱̺̳̳͉̬̬̳̰̥̗̥͆̐͆͂̍̉͘͝N̸̪̘͙̟̈́̊̈́̓̓̈́̄́̌͠͝'̴̨̧̢̢̪̣̩̬͉̻̬͎̟̦͈̯͉̞̪̫͉̙͓͈̯͇͍̤́͐̏͂̀̂̄̇̓̊̎͂̍͊̔͑̓̎́̚T̶̨̛͚̪̻̲̺͈̮̯͚̦͆̆̃̉͌̑͆͌̍̌̉̎͑̐́̊͑͜ ̵̧̛̯̣̬̩̯̠̱̖̫̺̘͓͓̪̲̥͕͍̆̒͊̈́̈́C̷̻̪͚͖̙̜̬̟̝̗̞͙͐͗͆́̂̊̒͂́͌̽Ờ̵̡̛̗̼̲͙̭̮̑̌̆͂͑̓̓͐̓́̓͋͐̎̈́͘͘͘͘͝͝ͅM̷̨̡̧̨̨̺̼͇̟̰̜͉͖̺̠̱̣̜̠͍̤̙͉̬̪̺͓͋͒͐̍͠ͅE̷̮̼̦̐́ ̸̧̨̨̛̘̹̹̼̭̮̙͔̝̯͍̜̹̖͖̭̖̭̟͚͐̌́̽̊͑͑̒͜B̷̢̡̭̟̞̝͙̺͇̳̗̻͙̑̅͑͜Ȧ̸̧̡̧̢̢̬̞̥̪̟̱̝̯̺̤̮̞͈̘̬̈͜͝Ć̷̜̱̈́͌̓̂Ḵ̶̢͉̠͙̘̰̠̠͍̪̻̻̥͉̗̩̖̝͎̺̠̮̜͕̑͊̂̀̉͂̄̐̈́͠ͅͅ ̶̧͇̯̗̟͎̹̳̗̘̟̺͎̠̳̭͙̤͚̯͇̀̊̽͗͋̔́̚͠͝ͅͅD̴̡̡̨̢̛̟̭̘̙̼̯͙̥̝̟̮̹̫̗͎̯̤̰͛́̽́̀͆̈̑̈́͌́͘͜͝͝ͅŎ̵̧̧̨̨͇͙̫̫͇̖̤̻̞͉̪͕̳̙̼̖̯̬̙̜̖͎͇̮̗̲̱̅͑̅̓̿͐̂̃̔͆͛̽̋̍̆̓̀̂̽̔͘͘͠͝͠͠͝ͅŅ̵̢̙̠̞̼͔̱̺͖̳̲̳̯͍͙̹̰̑̊́̆̈́̈́̍̉̆̈́̊͊̆̀͊̌̂̀̃̑̓̓͊̀̉͗͝͠'̸̢̛̙͙̳͚̼̩͇̦̤̝͙̍̃́̾̽͆͐̊̊̿͂̆̒̀̆̌̊̈́̒̂̕̕͝͝T̸̡̺̪̗̲̞̼̘̣̫̀̑̽̾̅͑ ̴̪̪̤̥̙̮̗̊͂̈́̀̍̅͜C̸̡̡̡͔̦̥͇̼̲͚̻͚̤̘̱̯̟̥̠̗̝̪̺̖͚͈̽̐̇̅̔̄̾̅̉̀̈́̋̀Ơ̶̻̬̌͂̉̅̈́̄͐̀̂͘͝͝͝M̶̢̢̹͉͎̤͚̜͔̠͇̦̝̄͐͑͛̈́̅̏̏̉͂͑̿̒͌͂̓́̅͌̇͊͛̅͆́̀̀̚͝͠͠E̷̝̹̱͎̻̩̱̲̮͑̐͒̉̋̍̉̌͝ͅ ̷̨̨̬̱̩̩̜̥͖͖̭̯͎̞̱̱̳̟̥͈̈́̔͌͊̈́̑̊̌̌̃̑̀͛̃̿̀̇̚̕̚͠B̸̼͈̹̹͍̬̰̲̰͙̲̜̮͓̟͍̜͙̦̪͎͚̠̬̥̤͐̈́͘A̵̧̛̳̰͚̗̖̹̰͉͖͓͕̱̜̹̞̹͚̿̅̔̍̌̾̅̊́̌̓̽͘͜Ç̵̢̭͈̘̤̳̦̝͓̹͎̙̪̯͚͎̺̺͙͓̬͚̲̯̫̙̭̓͑̃̎͗̎̈́̀̂͑́͂̉̈̂̿̾̈̈́̕͝͝Ḳ̷͈̐̊̃͑̀͆͑̓̓͑́͆̋̑̊͘̚ ̸̡̨̡̨̥̰̭̱͍͙̪͓̣̘͖̩͉̙͔͔̻̠͙͂̾̀D̶͎̟́͒̓́̏̄̾̔̒͗͒̈́͌̍̿̚̕͝O̷̺̙̺͈͕̟̹̜͖̲͍̗̮̘̠̯̱̍̈́͝Ņ̶̛̫͓̝͉̻͔͇̻͇̻̟̳̦̟̩̰͈̝̦̫̔̇͛̀͂̓͗̀͋̈́̍̈́̿̎́̊͠͝ͅ'̴̀͊̿ͅT̸̛͔̮̠̲͌͆̃̎́̉̈́̈́̏̓̋̋̿͂̂̐̏̎͌͊̄̽̐͘̚͘͝ ̶̧̧̨͎͔̯̞̦̟̥̣̙̫̻͍͎̟̬͕̟̻͗̈́̄̊C̵̢̬̞̼͑͝Ö̶̢̨̡̟͈͎̣͖͚͙͎̣̫̻̗͎̗͉̳͎̰̲̹̞͕͂́͘͘͘͝M̸̢̨̢̟̤͖̭̼̳̟̻͚̣͍̺̝͉͖̮̱̱̲̦̑̄̔̿̄͛͗̓̌̌̈́͌̑͋̈́̎̓̊̏̅̅̒̈́͘͘͜͝ͅͅȨ̴̢̢̰̘̗̞͍͇̮̫̟̭̙̝̳͙̳̩̹̙̲̳̦̮̱͈͔̠̤̌͂͛́̾̅͑̿́̓̆͋͒͊͐̂̎͂̂́̋̑̒̂̅̾͋̕̕͜͠ͅ ̶̗̮̘̪͚̪̬̯͈̜̼͉̫͈̲͔̬͖͎̥̮̼͕͓͚̜̖̻̫̋͠ͅͅB̷̨̢͇͙̱͇̼͈͙̣͈͕̹͉͍̭͉͙͔̬͎̳̼̻̤͈̻̻́̿́̃͂͝͝Ą̸̞̭̟̻̪̄̇̀̾͆̑̃̀̐͌́̎̉́̋̔̓̎͂͒͐̐̀͂̆͛̚̚̕͝͠C̷̲̙̘͓̽̿̓̒͝K̷͉̮͉̬̳̲̦̱̦̣̠̻̥͙͍̙̻̊̋̇̊̀͌́̽̅ ̶̧̧̢̧̪̱̻͚͉̼͔̜̘̭̹̫͇̺͖͙̳̻̦͚̫͚̇͋̓̀́̇͋͌̓͋̅̆̇̆̌̃͑̾̕͘̕͘̕͝D̸̛̟̤̙̹̻̱̳̭̦̟̃̈́̊̔̽͌̿̐̾̎͑͐̉̕͘͠ͅƠ̷͔̬͉̪N̵̡̧̙̻̩̩̯͓̣͓͓̿͂̽̌̾̏̔̌̓̒̾͜'̴̧̛̜̮̝͍̬̘̳̹͈͚̗͇̭̠͔͚̜̗̳̣͔̦̲̖̘̭͛̅̀̒̀̆̀̈̂̒͆̐̆͊̈́͑̆̅̊̑̾̇̔̔̋̓Ṯ̷̢̨̨̛̛͖͔̰̲̭̣͚̙̠̝͈̖̗̣̺̘̜̮̮̗̳̖̯̭͖̱̒̈́̄͌͊̈́̿̑̐͒̄͒̑͋̈́̕͘̕͠͝ͅ ̴̧̢̨̛̱̮̣̥̪̥̗̞̯̘͔̱̯͖̪̞͍͖͖̙̺̬̄̽̌̃̈́̅̉̐̽̂̒̑̅̂̅̉́̈̄̎͒̍͊̋̈̒̚͘͝͝͝C̷̨̧̫̳̼̣̯̯̜͚̥͍̠͔͔̰̩̠̹͖̞͇͔̪̦̦̳͚͑͑̿̓͊̏̅̃̓̌͑̚̚͘͠ͅO̵̧̨͈̞̰̬̼̗͚̲͍̞̣̙̹͙͔̟͓̮̯̲̘̠̝̗̠͉̊̇̓̈͊̌̚͜M̷̧̺̺̘͓̱̖̰̮̝̪̮̞͈̥̼̗͙̰͍̟̙͔͔̝̯̼̱͉̒́̋͛̇̾͜Ȩ̷̨̛̣͇͚͓̠̼͖̟̼́̉͑͊͐͊͛̊̑̄̐͒͑̓͂̒͊̂̔̀́͛͌̿̔͑͆̽̚͝ ̷̻̜͓͑̏̐̈́́̑̑̎̾̍̍͑̀̋̊̒̋̔́͗̀̀̾̐̈͒̌͘͝B̵̢̪̪̻̮̮̙͈̠̖͇͓͉̰̙̩̹̲̘̩̬͚̐̈́́̿͊͛͐̍͐̎́͘͜ͅĂ̴̡̨̭͉̳̱̪͕͕̰̙̭̹̩̻̖̯̥̖̝͍̠̩͈̼͓͐̆̚͜͜͝C̶̢̱͇̞͓͇̦̯͋̌̋͛͗͊̉̀̂̉̈́̋́͘͝͠K̷̩̣̟̼̣͎͈̻̳̳̠̜͚̖̻̻̫̜̝̞̰̞͑͊͛̎̈̌̅̚͜͜ͅ ̶̨̧̛͉̰͕͙͓̫͔͍̘͔̻̱̯̦͍͈͇̝̩͔̠̻̾̀̇̈́́̔̀͒̄̏͆͑̓͊͘͘͝Ḑ̴̧̛̪̠̦͇̠̈́̃͒́́̓̀̈́͒̔͒̈́͛̽̄̋̈́͊̇̈́͘̚͠͠͝͝͝͠O̴̧̗̰͔̦͍̱̥̲̦͇̘̪͙̥͕͎͔̖̮̊̅̄̉̓̃̎̔̐̏̊̉͋͐̄̽̏͛̐̚ͅN̵̢̡͎̭̙̥̙̩̺̟̳̺̜͔̝̗͈͇͖̺̦̈́̐̓̓̐̿͊̓̒̌̊͋͐̃̚͝͝͝'̵͓̠̗͈̤̬͕͍̱̻͎͓̗̖̰̙̭̐̓̅̂͊͘ͅŢ̸̛͕͎͉̼̺͉̘͓͖̋̿̎̿̓́̄͛́͊̍̈́̌̈̓͛͌̀́̕͝͝͝ ̴̛̲̩̣̠̯̰̖̦̣̾͆̈̄̽̇̎͗̈́͝C̶̨̡̧̡̨̜͔̭̤̣̺̙͙͍͎̤̥͕͓͓͚̟̙̘̺̭̜͕͇̞̘̲̍̓̃̀̃͋́͌̏̀̈́̄̾͐͗̿̒̊̕͘Ǫ̸̢̛̺͎͇̰͓̜͈̠̪̖͈͇̖̤̳̃̉́͌́M̷̭͚̣͈͈̄̃̌̂̎̇͐̒̈͊̅̾͑́̆̀͒̔͝E̵̢̧̛͓͚͙̲̫͉̜͙̎́̿̌͑̎́͂̐̑̈́̆̚ͅͅ ̴̡̨̛͙͇̱̻̞̥̠̱̤͖̹̠̟̭̝͉̹̰̟͈͔̱̣̻̭̯̬̙̞͙̿̊̈͘B̵̧̛͉̰̥̟͚̯̟̫̞̣̙͖̺̼͚̱͕̀͗͊̓̄̉͋̈́̆̍̿̾̆̒̒̎̀͊̄̈́̒͒̈́̔̐̿̕͝ͅͅA̵̛̳̥̪̺̦̞͎̟̰̣̮͙̦͓͎̽̅̓̐͑͛͊͗̈̈́̐̃̏̈́̓̔̃͗̕͘̚͜ͅC̴̡̧̱͔̫̰͕̗̫͔̟͔͚̣̘͓̘̹̫̹͖̯̳͙̆̎̐ͅK̶̡͈̜̫̜̥̬͙̼͍̝̰͍͉͈͓̩̐̈́̈́͐̈́̂̿͒̋͆͊͒̆̋͂̌̄̎͆́̿̽̇̂̽͊̎̔̎̚͜͜͠͝ ̸̨̧͕̮̯̫́͋Ḑ̷͔̪̳̣̺̘͔͈̭̻̯̻͇̤̞͕̪̞̮͔͉͎̝̦̟̓̽̂̐̓̉̾̊̈́̂̅̾̍͌̀̅̌͊̓̌̓̓͋̎͘͜͝͝ͅǪ̸̢̞͈͛̅̆̕͝N̶͇̰̟̠̺̤͊̉̽̀̀͛̐̍͂̐̏̊̂͒̑̍͐͊̊̎̊͋̈͘̕̕̚͜͠ͅ'̵̛͚̺̭̜͈̪̗̺̦̣̏̽̍̽͆̒͛̋̽̏̄́̔̒̕͘͝͝͝Ţ̴̢̦̭͙͇͉̫̜̙̖̖͇̺̩̝̹̮͕̱̤͙͐ ̷̩̦̞͓͖͈̱͈͈̙̘̺͈͙̹͕̬͚̩͚͕̱̻͚͙̦̣̭̔̀͊̒̿͊̉̈́͐̀͐̕͝C̴̡̛̮͎̘̖̥̹̦̳̳̰̺͖̝̤̺̝̯͖̤̬̱̲͉̟̜̪̊̌͌̍̋̈̏̊̈́͌̀̇̂̿̊̑̑͒̋̀́̓͘͘͝͝ͅͅỜ̷͕̪̌̅͗̏͐̏̂̓́̐́͐̍́̔́̽̿͊̕̕̚͠͠͝M̴̢̡̛̦̩͕̥̝̪̰͙̬̮̙̣͕͕̦̹̗̼͎̙̰̞̣̯̥̾̃̒́̍̌̅́́́̌̌͊͒̑̈́̈̑̇̉͘͝͝È̸̢̝̬̹͍̹̲̦̙̖̍͗͂͒̚͠ ̴͍̻̥̜̻̬̗͍̱͖̲̞̱̦̍͘Ḇ̴͕̬̜̬̝̣͎͎͓͎̬̜͈͙͉̊̊̅̆̿̐͗̇͂́̓́̍̅Ȧ̶̛̲̙̰̆̄͂̎̚C̶̨̧̡̗͔̘̺͓̤̱͍͖͈̗̯̲̖̬͉͇̟͖̫̼͓̭̪͉̳̾̀̈́͒̽͆̒̓̉͑̒̒̿̓̊͜͝ͅͅK̸̼̫̬̤̬̦͙̺̳̬̝̞̫̞̹̈́́̾͌̏̓̀̏̋͆͛̾̎̄̾̐͛͊̕͜

....

And it's finally done! This took waaayy longer than I expected it to be, but glad I'm able to put it out now. Again like I said in the first part, this is still the first draft of these characters so I might change them around a bit. Other than that please let me know what you think, and tell me on what I can improve in some places. I would appreciate it!

Here's the first part if you wanna know.

#wordgirl #wordgirl au #tobey mcallister iii #Eileen #Vigilante au #illustration #kid math

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iamshwee · 3 years

Text

SHADOW WORK: The Ultimate Guide

I. Why Focusing Only on the Light is a Form of Escapism

For most of my life, I’ve grown up firmly believing that the only thing worthy of guiding me was “light” and “love.” Whether through the family environment I was raised in, or the cultural myths I was brought up clinging to, I once believed that all you really needed to do in life to be happy was to focus on everything beautiful, positive and spiritually “righteous.” I’m sure you were raised believing a similar story as well. It’s a sort of “Recipe for Well-Being.”

But a few years ago, after battling ongoing mental health issues, I realized something shocking:

I was wrong.

Not just wrong, but completely and utterly off the mark. Focusing only on “love and light” will not heal your wounds on a deep level. In fact, I’ve learned through a lot of heavy inner work, that not only is focusing solely on “holiness” in life one side of the equation, but it is actually a form of spiritually bypassing your deeper, darker problems that, let me assure you, almost definitely exist.

It is very easy and comfortable to focus only on the light side of life. So many people in today’s world follow this path. And while it might provide some temporary emotional support, it doesn’t reach to the depths of your being: it doesn’t transform you at a core level. Instead, it leaves you superficially hanging onto warm and fuzzy platitudes which sound nice, but don’t enact any real change.

What DOES touch the very depths of your being, however, is exploring your Shadow.

II. What is the Human Shadow?

In short, the human shadow is our dark side; our lost and forgotten disowned self.

Your shadow is the place within you that contains all of your secrets, repressed feelings, primitive impulses, and parts deemed “unacceptable,” shameful, “sinful” or even “evil.”

This dark place lurking within your unconscious mind also contains suppressed and rejected emotions such as rage, jealousy, hatred, greed, deceitfulness, and selfishness.

So where did the Shadow Self idea originate? The concept was originally coined and explored by Swiss psychiatrist and psychoanalyst, Carl Jung. In Jung’s own words:

“Everyone carries a shadow, and the less it is embodied in the individual’s conscious life, the blacker and denser it is.”

When the human Shadow is shunned, it tends to undermine and sabotage our lives. Addictions, low self-esteem, mental illness, chronic illnesses, and various neuroses are all attributed to the Shadow Self. When our Shadows are suppressed or repressed in the unconscious long enough, they can even overtake our entire lives and causes psychosis or extreme forms of behavior like cheating on one’s partner or physically harming others. Intoxicants such as alcohol and drugs also have a tendency to unleash the Shadow.

Thankfully, there is a way to explore the Shadow and prevent it from devouring our existence, and that is called Shadow Work.

III. What is Shadow Work?

Shadow work is the process of exploring your inner darkness or “Shadow Self.” As mentioned previously, your Shadow Self is part of your unconscious mind and contains everything you feel ashamed of thinking and feeling, as well as every impulse, repressed idea, desire, fear, and perversion that for one reason or another, you have “locked away” consciously or unconsciously. Often this is done as a way of keeping yourself tame, likable, and “civilized” in the eyes of others.

Shadow work is the attempt to uncover everything that we have hidden and every part of us that has been disowned and rejected within our Shadow Selves.

Why? Because without revealing to ourselves what we have hidden, we remain burdened with problems such as anger, guilt, shame, disgust, and grief.

All throughout the history of mankind Shadow Work has played a powerful yet mysterious and occult role in helping us discover what is causing us mental illness, physical dis-ease and even insanity resulting in crimes of all kinds.

Traditionally, Shadow Work fell in the realm of the Shamans, or medicine people, as well as the priests and priestesses of the archaic periods of history. These days, Shadow Work falls more commonly in the realms of psychotherapy, with psychologists, psychiatrists, spiritual guides, and therapists.

IV. Do We All Have a Shadow Self?

Yes, we ALL have a Shadow Self.

As uncomfortable as it may sound, there is a dark side within every human being. Why is this the case? The reason why all human beings have a shadow is due to the way we were raised as human beings, often referred to as our ‘conditioning.’

“But I’m a good person! I don’t have a ‘shadow’ side,” you might be thinking. Well, the reality is that yes, you might be a good person. In fact, you might be the most generous, loving, and selfless person in the entire world. You might feed the hungry, save puppies, and donate half of your salary to the poor. But that doesn’t exclude you from having a Shadow.

There are no exceptions here.

The nature of being human is to possess both a light and a dark side, and we need to embrace that.

Sometimes, when people hear that they have a Shadow side (or when it is pointed out), there is a lot of denial. We have been taught to perceive ourselves in a very two-dimensional and limited way. We have been taught that only criminals, murderers, and thieves have a Shadow side.

This black and white thinking is one of the major causes of our suffering.

If the thought of having a Shadow side disturbs you, take a moment to consider whether you have developed an idealized self.

Signs of an idealized self include attitudes such as:

· “I’m not like those people, I’m better.”

· “I have never strayed.”

· “God is proud of me.”

· “Criminals and wrongdoers aren’t human.”

· “Everyone sees how good I am (even so, I have to remind them).”

· “I’m a role model.”

· “I should be validated and applauded for my good deeds.”

· “I don’t have bad thoughts, so why do others?”

Such perceptions about oneself are unrealistic, unhealthy, and largely delusional. The only way to find inner peace, happiness, authentic love, self-fulfillment, and Illumination is to explore our Shadow.

V. How is Our Shadow Side Formed?

Your Shadow side is formed in childhood and is both (a) a product of natural ego development, and (b) a product of conditioning or socialization. Socialization is the process of learning to behave in a way that is acceptable to society.

When we are born, we are are all full of potential, with the ability to survive and develop in a variety of ways. As time goes on, we learn more and more to become a certain type of person. Slowly, due to our circumstances and preferences, we begin to adopt certain character traits and reject others. For example, if we are born into a family that shows little interpersonal warmth, we will develop personality traits that make us self-sufficient and perhaps standoffish or mind-oriented. If we are born into a family that rewards compliance and shuns rebellion, we will learn that being submissive works, and thus adopt that as part of our ego structure.

As authors and Jungian therapists, Steve Price and David Haynes write:

“But, as we develop our ego-personality, we also do something else at the same time. What has happened to all those parts of our original potential that we didn’t develop? They won’t just cease to exist: they will still be there, as potential or as partly developed, then rejected, personality attributes, and they will live on in the unconscious as an alternative to the waking ego. So, by the very act of creating a specifically delineated ego-personality, we have also created its opposite in the unconscious. This is the shadow. Everyone has one.”

As we can see, developing the Shadow Self is a natural part of development.

But you also formed an alter ego due to social conditioning, i.e. your parents, family members, teachers, friends, and society at large all contributed to your Shadow.

How?

Well here’s the thing: polite society operates under certain rules. In other words, certain behaviors and characteristics are approved of, while others are shunned. Take anger for example. Anger is an emotion that is commonly punished while growing up. Throwing tantrums, swearing, and destroying things was frowned upon by our parents and teachers. Therefore, many of us learned that expressing anger was not “OK.” Instead of being taught healthy ways to express our anger, we were punished sometimes physically (with smacks or being grounded), and often emotionally (withdrawal of love and affection).

There are countless behaviors, emotions, and beliefs that are rejected in society, and thus, are rejected by ourselves. In order to fit in, be accepted, approved, and loved, we learned to act a certain way. We adopted a role that would ensure our mental, emotional, and physical survival. But at the same time, wearing a mask has consequences. What happened to all the authentic, wild, socially taboo, or challenging parts of ourselves? They were trapped in the Shadow.

What happens as we grow up?

Through time, we learn to both enjoy, and despise, our socially-approved egos because, on the one hand, they make us feel good and “lovable,” but on the other hand, they feel phony and inhibited.

Therapist Steve Wolf has a perfect analogy that describes this process:

“Each of us is like Dorian Gray. We seek to present a beautiful, innocent face to the world; a kind, courteous demeanor; a youthful, intelligent image. And so, unknowingly but inevitably, we push away those qualities that do not fit the image, that does not enhance our self-esteem and make us stand proud but, instead, bring us shame and make us feel small. We shove into the dark cavern of the unconscious those feelings that make us uneasy — hatred, rage, jealousy, greed, competition, lust, shame — and those behaviors that are deemed wrong by the culture — addiction, laziness, aggression, dependency — thereby creating what could be called shadow content. Like Dorian’s painting, these qualities ultimately take on a life of their own, forming an invisible twin that lives just behind our life, or just beside it …”

But while the Shadow Self may be portrayed as our “evil twin,” it is not entirely full of “bad” stuff. There is actually gold to be found within the Shadow.

VI. What is the Golden Shadow?

Jung once states that “the shadow is ninety percent pure gold.” What this means is that there are many beautiful gifts offered to us by our Shadow side if we take the time to look. For example, so much of our creative potential is submerged within our darkness because we were taught when little to reject it.

Not everything within our Shadow is doom and gloom. In fact, the Shadow contains some of our most powerful gifts and talents, such as our artistic, sexual, competitive, innovative, and even intuitive aptitudes.

The ‘Golden Shadow’ also presents us with the opportunity for tremendous psychological and spiritual growth. By doing Shadow Work, we learn that every single emotion and wound that we possess has a gift to share with us. Even the most obnoxious, “ugly,” or shameful parts of ourselves provide a path back to Oneness. Such is the power of the Shadow – it is both a terrifying journey, but is ultimately a path to Enlightenment or Illumination. Every spiritual path needs Shadow Work to prevent the issues from happening that we’ll explore next.

VII. What Happens When You Reject Your Shadow?

When shadow-work is neglected, the soul feels dry, brittle, like an empty vessel. — S. Wolf

Rejecting, suppressing, denying, or disowning your Shadow, whether consciously or unconsciously, is a dangerous thing. The thing about the Shadow Self is that it seeks to be known. It yearns to be understood, explored, and integrated. It craves to be held in awareness. The longer the Shadow stays buried and locked in its jail cell deep within the unconscious, the more it will find opportunities to make you aware of its existence.

Both religion and modern spirituality tend to focus on the “love and light” aspects of spiritual growth to their own doom.

This over-emphasis on the fluffy, transcendental, and feel-good elements of a spiritual awakening results in shallowness and phobia of whatever is too real, earthy, or dark.

Spiritually bypassing one’s inner darkness results in a whole range of serious issues. Some of the most common and reoccurring Shadow issues that appear in the spiritual/religious community include pedophilia among priests, financial manipulation of followers among gurus, and of course, megalomania, narcissism, and God complexes among spiritual teachers.

Other issues that arise when we reject our Shadow side can include:

· Hypocrisy (believing and supporting one thing, but doing the other)

· Lies and self-deceit (both towards oneself and others)

· Uncontrollable bursts of rage/anger

· Emotional and mental manipulation of others

· Greed and addictions

· Phobias and obsessive compulsions

· Racist, sexist, homophobic, and other offensive behavior

· Intense anxiety

· Chronic psychosomatic illness

· Depression (which can turn into suicidal tendencies)

· Sexual perversion

· Narcissistically inflated ego

· Chaotic relationships with others

· Self-loathing

· Self-absorption

· Self-sabotage

… and many others. This is by no means a comprehensive list (and there are likely many other issues out there). As we’ll learn next, one of the greatest ways we reject our Shadow is through psychological projection.

VIII. The Shadow and Projection (a Dangerous Mix)

One of the biggest forms of Shadow rejection is something called projection.

Projection is a term that refers to seeing things in others that are actually within ourselves.

When we pair projection and the Shadow Self together, we have a dangerous mix. Why? Because as psychotherapist Robert A. Johnson writes:

“We generally seek to punish that which reminds us most uncomfortable about the part of ourselves that we have not come to terms with, and we often ‘see’ these disowned qualities in the world around us.”

There are many different ways we ‘punish’ those who are mirrors of our Shadow qualities. We may criticize, reject, hate, dehumanize, or even in extreme cases, physically or psychologically seek to destroy them (think of countries who go at war with the “enemies”). None of us are innocent in this area. We have ALL projected parts of our rejected self onto others. In fact, Shadow projection is a major cause of relationship dysfunction and break down.

If we are seeking to bring peace, love, and meaning to our lives, we absolutely MUST reclaim these projections. Through Shadow Work, we can explore exactly what we have disowned.

IX. Twelve Benefits of Shadow Work

Firstly, I want to say that I have the highest respect for Shadow Work. It is the single most important path I’ve taken to uncover my core wounds, core beliefs, traumas, and projections. I have also observed how Shadow Work has helped to create profound clarity, understanding, harmony, acceptance, release, and inner peace in the lives of others. It is truly deep work that makes changes on the Soul level targeting the very roots of our issues, not just the superficial symptoms.

There is SO much to be gained from making Shadow Work a part of your life, and daily routine. Here are some of the most commonly experienced benefits:

1. Deeper love and acceptance of yourself

2. Better relationships with others, including your partner and children

3. More confidence to be your authentic self

4. More mental, emotional, and spiritual clarity

5. Increased compassion/understanding for others = who you dislike

6. Enhanced creativity

7. Discovery of hidden gifts and talents

8. Deepened understanding of your passions and ultimate life purpose

9. Improved physical and mental health

10. More courage to face the unknown and truly live life

11. Access to your Soul or Higher Self

12. A feeling of Wholeness

It’s important to remember that there are no quick fixes in Shadow Work, so these life-changing benefits don’t just happen overnight. But with persistence, they will eventually emerge and bless your life.

X. Seven Tips for Approaching Shadow Work

Before you begin Shadow Work, you need to assess whether you’re ready to embark on this journey. Not everyone is prepared for this deep work, and that’s fine. We’re all at different stages. So pay attention to the following questions and try to answer them honestly:

· Have you practiced self-love yet?

o If not, Shadow Work will be too overwhelming for you. I have starred this bullet point because it is essential for you to consider. Shadow Work should not be attempted by those who have poor self-worth or struggle with self-loathing. In other words: if you struggle with severely low self-esteem, please do not attempt Shadow Work. I emphatically warn you against doing it. Why? If you struggle with extremely poor self-worth, exploring your Shadow will likely make you feel ten times worse about yourself. Before you walk this path, you absolutely must establish a strong and healthy self-image. No, you don’t have to think you’re God’s gift to the world, but having average self-worth is important. Try taking this self-esteem test to explore whether you’re ready (but first, don’t forget to finish this article!).

· Are you prepared to make time?

o Shadow Work is not a lukewarm practice. You are either all in or all out. Yes, it is important to take a break from it from time to time. But Shadow Work requires dedication, self-discipline, and persistence. Are you willing to intentionally carve out time each day to dedicate to it? Even just ten minutes a day is a good start.

· Are you looking to be validated or to find the truth?

o As you probably know by now, Shadow Work isn’t about making you feel special. It isn’t like typical spiritual paths that are focused on the feel-good. No, Shadow Work can be brutal and extremely confronting. This is a path for truth seekers, not those who are seeking to be validated.

· Seek to enter a calm and neutral space.

o It is important to try and relax when doing Shadow Work. Stress and judgmental or critical attitudes will inhibit the process. So please try to incorporate a calming meditation or mindfulness technique into whatever you do.

· Understand that you are not your thoughts.

o You need to realize that you are not your thoughts for Shadow Work to be healing and liberating. Only from your calm and quiet Center (also known as your Soul) can you truly be aware of your Shadow aspects. By holding them in awareness, you will see them clearly for what they are, and realize that they ultimately don’t define you; they are simply rising and falling mental phenomena.

· Practice self-compassion.

o It is of paramount importance to incorporate compassion and self-acceptance into your Shadow Work practice. Without showing love and understanding to yourself, it is easy for Shadow Work to backfire and make you feel terrible. So focus on generating self-love and compassion, and you will be able to release any shame and embrace your humanity.

· Record everything you find.

o Keep a written journal or personal diary in which you write down, or draw, your discoveries. Recording your dreams, observations, and analysis will help you to learn and grow more effectively. You’ll also be able to keep track of your process and make important connections.

XI. How to Practice Shadow Work

There are many Shadow Work techniques and exercises out there. In this guide, I will provide a few to help you start off. I’ll also share a few examples from my own life:

1. Pay attention to your emotional reactions

In this practice, you’ll learn that what you give power to has power over you. Let me explain:

One Shadow Work practice I enjoy a great deal is paying attention to everything that shocks, disturbs, and secretly thrills me. Essentially, this practice is about finding out what I’ve given the power to in my life unconsciously, because: what we place importance in – whether good or bad – says a lot about us.

The reality is that what we react to, or what makes us angry and distressed, reveals extremely important information to us about ourselves.

For example, by following where my “demons” have taken me – whether in social media, family circles, workspaces, and public places – I have discovered two important things about myself. The first one is that I’m a control freak; I hate feeling vulnerable, powerless and weak . . . it quite simply scares the living hell out of me. How did I discover this? Through my intense dislike of witnessing rape scenes in movies and TV shows, my negative reaction to novel experiences (e.g. roller coaster rides, public speaking, etc.), as well as my discomfort surrounding sharing information about my life with others in conversations. Also, by following where my “demons” have guided me I’ve discovered that I’m being burdened by an exasperating guilt complex that I developed through my religious upbringing. Apart of me wants to feel unworthy because that is what I’ve developed a habit of feeling since childhood (e.g. “You’re a sinner,” “It’s your fault Jesus was crucified”), and therefore, that is what I secretly feel comfortable with feeling: unworthy. So my mind nit-picks anything I might have done “wrong,” and I’m left with the feeling of being “bad” – which I’m used to, but nevertheless, this is destructive for my well-being.

Thanks to this practice, I have welcomed more compassion, mindfulness, and forgiveness into my life.

Paying attention to your emotional reactions can help you to discover exactly how your core wounds are affecting you on a daily basis.

How to Pay Attention to Your Emotional Reactions

To effectively pay attention to your emotional reactions (I call it “following the trail of your inner demons”), you first need to cultivate:

1. Self-awareness

Without being conscious of what you’re doing, thinking, feeling, and saying, you won’t progress very far.

If, however, you are fairly certain that you’re self-aware (or enough to start the process), you will then need to:

2. Adopt an open mindset

You will need to have the courage and willingness to observe EVERYTHING uncomfortable you place importance in, and ask “why?” What do I mean by the phrase “placing importance in”? By this, I mean that, whatever riles, shocks, infuriates, disturbs and terrifies you, you must pay attention to. Closely.

Likely, you will discover patterns constantly emerging in your life. For example, you might be outraged or embarrassed every time sex appears in a TV show or movie you like (possibly revealing sexual repression or mistaken beliefs about sex that you’ve adopted throughout life). Or you might be terrified of seeing death or dead people (possibly revealing your resistance to the nature of life or childhood trauma). Or you might be disgusted by alternative political, sexual, and spiritual lifestyles (possibly revealing your hidden desire to do the same).

There are so many possibilities out there, and I encourage you to go slowly, take your time, and one by one pick through what you place importance in.

“But I DON’T place importance in gross, bad or disturbing things in life, how could I? I don’t care for them!” you might be asking.

Well, think for a moment. If you didn’t place so much importance on what makes you angry, disgusted or upset . . . why would you be reacting to it so much? The moment you emotionally react to something is the moment you have given that thing power over you. Only that which doesn’t stir up emotions in us is not important to us.

See what you respond to and listen to what your Shadow is trying to teach you.

2. Artistically Express Your Shadow Self

Art is the highest form of self-expression and is also a great way to allow your Shadow to manifest itself. Psychologists often use art therapy as a way to help patients explore their inner selves.

Start by allowing yourself to feel (or drawing on any existing) dark emotions. Choose an art medium that calls to you such as pen and pencil, watercolor, crayon, acrylic paint, scrapbooking, sculpting, etc. and draw what you feel. You don’t need to consider yourself an ‘artist’ to benefit from this activity. You don’t even need to plan what you’ll create. Just let your hands, pen, pencil, or paintbrush do the talking. The more spontaneous, the better. Artistic expression can reveal a lot about your obscure darker half. Psychologist Carl Jung (who conceptualized the Shadow Self idea) was even famous for using mandalas in his therapy sessions.

3. Start a Project

The act of creation can be intensely frustrating and can give birth to some of your darker elements such as impatience, anger, blood-thirsty competitiveness, and self-doubt. At the same time, starting a project also allows you to experience feelings of fulfillment and joy.

If you don’t already have a personal project that you’re undertaking (such as building something, writing a book, composing music, mastering a new skill), find something you would love to start doing. Using self-awareness and self-exploration during the process of creation, you will be able to reap deeper insights into your darkness. Ask yourself constantly, “What am I feeling and why?” Notice the strong emotions that arise during the act of creation, both good and bad. You will likely be surprised by what you find!

For example, as a person who considers myself non-competitive, that assumption has been challenged by the act of writing this blog. Thanks to this project, the Shadow within me of ruthless competitiveness has shown its face, allowing me to understand myself more deeply.

4. Write a Story or Keep a Shadow Journal

Goethe’s story Faust is, in my opinion, one of the best works featuring the meeting of an ego and his Shadow Self. His story details the life of a Professor who becomes so separated and overwhelmed by his Shadow that he comes to the verge of suicide, only to realize that the redemption of the ego is solely possible if the Shadow is redeemed at the same time.

Write a story where you project your Shadow elements onto the characters – this is a great way to learn more about your inner darkness. If stories aren’t your thing, keeping a journal or diary every day can shine a light on the darker elements of your nature. Reading through your dark thoughts and emotions can help you to recover the balance you need in life by accepting both light and dark emotions within you.

5. Explore Your Shadow Archetypes

We have several Shadow varieties, also called Shadow Archetypes. These archetypes are sometimes defined as:

· The Sorcerer/Alchemist

· The Dictator

· The Victim

· The Shadow Witch

· The Addict

· The Idiot

· The Trickster

· The Destroyer

· The Slave

· The Shadow Mother

· The Hag

· The Hermit

However, I have my own Shadow Archetype classification, which I will include below.

13 Shadow Archetypes

Here are my thirteen classifications which are based on my own self-observations and analysis of others:

1. The Egotistical Shadow

This Shadow Archetype displays the following characteristics: arrogance, egocentricity, pompousness, inconsiderateness, self-indulgence, narcissism, excessive pride.

2. The Neurotic Shadow

This Shadow Archetype displays the following characteristics: paranoia, obsessiveness, suspiciousness, finicky, demanding, compulsive behavior.

3. The Untrustworthy Shadow

This Shadow Archetype displays the following characteristics: secretive, impulsive, frivolous, irresponsible, deceitful, unreliable.

4. The Emotionally Unstable Shadow

This Shadow Archetype displays the following characteristics: moody, melodramatic, weepy, overemotional, impulsive, changeable.

5. The Controlling Shadow

This Shadow Archetype displays the following characteristics: suspicious, jealous, possessive, bossy, obsessive.

6. The Cynical Shadow

This Shadow Archetype displays the following characteristics: negative, overcritical, patronizing, resentful, cantankerous.

7. The Wrathful Shadow

This Shadow Archetype displays the following characteristics: ruthless, vengeful, bitchy, quick-tempered, quarrelsome.

8. The Rigid Shadow

This Shadow Archetype displays the following characteristics: uptight, intolerant, racist, sexist, ableist, homophobic, obstinate, uncompromising, inflexible, narrow-minded.

9. The Glib Shadow

This Shadow Archetype displays the following characteristics: superficial, cunning, inconsistent, sly, crafty.

10. The Cold Shadow

This Shadow Archetype displays the following characteristics: emotionally detached, distant, indifferent, uncaring, unexcited.

11. The Perverted Shadow

This Shadow Archetype displays the following characteristics: masochistic, lewd, sadistic, vulgar, libidinous.

12. The Cowardly Shadow

This Shadow Archetype displays the following characteristics: weak-willed, passive, timid, fearful.

13. The Immature Shadow

This Shadow Archetype displays the following characteristics: puerile, childish, illogical, simpleminded, vacuous.

Keep in mind that the above Shadow Archetypes are by no means exhaustive. I’m sure that there are many others out there which I have missed. But you are free to use this breakdown to help you explore your own Shadows. You’re also welcome to add to this list or create your own Shadow Archetypes, which I highly encourage. For example, you might possess a judgmental and dogmatic Shadow who you call “The Nun,” or a sexually deviant Shadow who you call “The Deviant.” Play around with some words and labels, and see what suits your Shadows the best.

6. Have an Inner Conversation

Also known as “Inner Dialogue,” or as Carl Jung phrased it, “Active Imagination,” having a conversation with your Shadow is an easy way to learn from it.

I understand if you might feel a twinge of skepticism towards this practice right now. After all, we are taught that “only crazy people talk to themselves.” But inner dialogue is regularly used in psychotherapy as a way to help people communicate with the various subpersonalities that they have – and we all possess various faces and sides of our ego.

One easy way to practice inner dialogue is to sit in a quiet place, close your eyes, and tune into the present moment. Then, think of a question you would like to ask your Shadow, and silently speak it within your mind. Wait a few moments and see if you ‘hear’ or ‘see’ an answer. Record anything that arises and reflect on it. It is even possible to carry on a conversation with your Shadow using this method. Just ensure that you have an open mindset. In other words, don’t try to control what is being said, just let it flow naturally. You will likely be surprised by the answers you receive!

Visualization is another helpful way of engaging in inner dialogue. I recommend bringing to mind images of dark forests, caves, holes in the ground, or the ocean as these all represent the unconscious mind. Always ensure that you enter and exit your visualization in the same manner, e.g. if you are walking down a path, make sure you walk back up the path. Or if you open a particular door, make sure you open the same door when returning back to normal consciousness. This practice will help to draw you effortlessly in and out of visualizations.

7. Use the Mirror Technique

As we have learned, projection is a technique of the Shadow that helps us to avoid what we have disowned. However, we don’t only project the deeper and darker aspects of ourselves onto others, we also project our light and positive attributes as well. For example, a person may be attracted to another who displays fierce self-assertiveness, not realizing that this quality is what they long to reunite with inside themselves. Another common example (this time negative) is judgmentalism. How many times have you heard someone say “he/she is so judgmental!” Ironically, the very person saying this doesn’t realize that calling another person ‘judgmental’ is actually pronouncing a judgment against them and revealing their own judgmental nature.

The Mirror Technique is the process of uncovering our projections. To practice this technique, we must adopt a mindful and honest approach towards the world: we need to be prepared to own that which we have disowned! Being radically truthful with ourselves can be difficult, so it does require practice. But essentially, we must adopt the mindset that other people are our mirrors. We must understand that those around us serve as the perfect canvas onto which we project all of our unconscious desires and fears.

Start this practice by examining your thoughts and feelings about those you come in contact with. Pay attention to moments when you’re emotionally triggered and ask yourself “am I projecting anything?” Remember: it is also possible to project our own qualities onto another person who really does possess the qualities. Psychologists sometimes refer to this as “projecting onto reality.” For example, we might project our rage onto another person who is, in fact, a rage-filled person. Or we might project our jealousy onto another who genuinely is jealous.

Ask yourself, “What is mine, what is theirs, and what is both of ours?” Not every triggering situation reveals a projection, but they more than often do. Also, look for things you love and adore about others, and uncover the hidden projections there.

The Mirror Technique will help you to shed a lot of light onto Shadow qualities that you have rejected, suppressed, repressed, or disowned. On a side note, you might also like to read about a similar practice called mirror work which helps you to come face-to-face with your own denied aspects.

XII. Shadow Work Q&A

Here are some commonly asked questions about shadow work:

What is shadow work?

Shadow work is the psychological and spiritual practice of exploring our dark side or the ‘shadowy’ part of our nature. We all possess a place within us that contains our secrets, repressed feelings, shameful memories, impulses, and parts that are deemed “unacceptable” and “ugly.” This is our dark side or shadow self – and it is often symbolized as a monster, devil, or ferocious wild animal.

How to do shadow work?

There are many ways to practice shadow work. Some of the most powerful and effective techniques include journaling, artistically expressing your dark side (also known as art therapy), using a mirror to connect with this part of you (mirror work), guided meditations, exploring your projections, and examining your shadow archetypes.

What is the spiritual shadow?

There is light and darkness within all areas of life, and spirituality is not exempt. The spiritual shadow is what occurs when we fall into the traps of spiritual materialism – a phenomenon where we use spirituality to boost our egos and become arrogant, self-absorbed, and even narcissistic.

XIII. Shadow Self -Test

https://lonerwolf.com/shadow-self-test/

As passionate proponents of Shadow Work, we have created a free Shadow Self test on this website for you to take. Like any test, take it with a grain of salt and use your own analysis to ultimately determine how ‘dominant’ your Shadow is in your life. Please remember that tests online cannot be 100% accurate, so see it as a fun self-discovery tool. And note: those who receive a “small Shadow Self” answer still need to do Shadow Work. No person is exempt. ;)

XIV. Own Your Shadow and You Will Own Your Life

If you are looking for some serious, authentic and long-lived healing in your life, Shadow Work is the perfect way to experience profound inner transformation. Remember that what you internalize is almost always externalized in one form or another.

Own your shadow and you will own your life.

Here are some final inspiring words:

“The secret is out: all of us, no exceptions, have qualities we won’t let anyone see, including ourselves – our Shadow. If we face up to our dark side, our life can be energized. If not, there is the devil to pay. This is one of life’s most urgent projects. — Larry Dossey (Healing Words)”

“If we don’t change, we don’t grow. If we don’t grow, we are not really living. Growth demands a temporary surrender of security.” — Gail Sheehy

“Who has not at one time or another felt a sourness, wrath, selfishness, envy and pride, which he could not tell what to do with, or how to bear, rising up in him without his consent, casting a blackness over all his thoughts … It is exceeding good and beneficial to us to discover this dark, disordered fire of our soul; because when rightly known and rightly dealt with, it can as well be made the foundation of heaven as it is of hell. — William Law”

“To confront a person with his own shadow is to show him his own light. — Carl Jung”

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dustyard · 3 years

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Do you have any tips or thoughts on how to differentiate between species that are all very similar behaviourally? I'm stuck between Amur leopards, cougars & bobcats and am having trouble narrowing them down further. Thank you!

Somehow this turned into an infodump on felid social behaviors, so... you're welcome?This may or may not be helpful, but I did get to dig up some of the pdf's I have saved on feline behavior, so tbh I'm having a good evening.

A real quick dislaimer, amur leopards are a critically endangered subspecies, and as such, a lot of our information on them is going to be flawed due to their tiny subject pool, as well as the fact that they live alongside several other subspecies (I believe it's five, currently) that also reside in the same general region and could potentially be contaminating research on them. I'm not saying this to put you off of them as a form to look into, but rather to be realistic in our understanding of them, knowing that the information we currently have could be flawed or incomplete.

Let's begin with their social differences.

Amur leopards: What do we know? When it comes to territory, all three of these big cats overlap territories to some degree. Amur leopards do it the least, with females and males overlapping territory (females moreso), as well as same-sex individuals also overlapping territories (so males overlapping with males, females overlapping with females, as well as opposite-sex overlaps, though males are far less likely to overlap with one another). However, the amount of territory overlap is smaller than with the other two cat species. There is also evidence that amur leopards will overlap territory with leopards they're related to, especially mothers with daughters. Something to keep in mind with leopards is that they tend to be heavily influenced by the prey availabilty and ecological conditions of the habitat they find themselves in; Indian leopards, for example, will live in much closer contact with one another, with greater territory overlap when there is abundant prey, and multiple leopards can feed themselves without conflict. It has been suggested through camera-traps that this characteristic is also true of amur leopards.

How we interpret this? Amur leopards are less prone to socialization than cougars or bobcats. They need more space, and they get more defensive over having their boundaries crossed. However, they are capable of tolerating others and sharing resources to a degree, and they may like having people they've bonded closely with (like family or romantic partners) close by (metaphorically or literally). Still, they tend to keep people at arm's length. I read this as amur leopards being people who can be sentimental and tolerant, but are overall pretty socially awkward, and not very socially tolerant. They aren't good at maintaining relationships, and they prefer people they can vibe with from a distance, be it emotional or physical. They aren't much for close intimacy, and tend to keep even the people they care about at a distance.

However (and this paragraph is my personal guesswork, so feel free to ignore it), it's been documented that leopards will mate with the same partners for years, spending days to weeks together, sharing kills, grooming one another, and just enjoying their company outside of copulation. There have also been documented instances of unrelated leopards sharing kills together (typically adult females with younger males). So, I personally read these cats as being mostly solitary (and usually actively avoiding other leopards), but they can and do form consistent bonds, they just usually need a good reason to actually come together. Their fondness might read as cool and detached to people not-in-the-know, but I think it likely that they still form bonds and have one or two people they care about, even if they aren't big on showing it.

Cougars: what do we know? Cougars often form territories with one male who overlaps with several females, those several females also typically overlapping (kind of like a multiple-circle venn diagram). Individuals still need large amounts of space, and are rigorous about keeping their boundaries. Cougars actually do form relationships outside of mating and family; unrelating cougars (both males and females) will make "friends" with their neighbors. They will share prey, as well as just hang out. These relationships are based heavily on reciprocity, so if cougar A shares a meal with cougar B, extending the friendship olive branch, and cougar B later refuses to share food and be polite, the relationship will likely not survive (males, however, can get away with sharing less with females than vice versa).

How do we interpret this? Cougars are definitely introverts who are defensive about boundaries and need a huge amount of space and independence, but they do like having a few close, mutually-beneficial ties. Cougars are extremely private and often shy, but they will go out of their way for the people that will do the same. However, being fundamentally selfish, cougars don't tolerate being taken advantage of. They can be extremely fickle in their relationships, as if they aren't getting what they want out of a relationship, they can and will drop it entirely. Cougars are also not especially social; outside of their couple of close ties, they do not like or want social interaction. These people will be surprisingly soft and fond of a select few, and have pretty much no time or attention for anyone else.

Bobcats: what do we know? Bobcats tend to overlap territories more than cougars or leopards, but are still quite defensive of their territories. Interestingly, males are surprisingly tolerant of other males overlapping their territories, which is very unusual for felids, while females tend to be less tolerant of other females on their territory. It has been suggested that bobcats don't reproduce until they've established an exclusive territory (male and female alike), and bobcats also tend to be very consistent with their territory ranges, rarely moving or shifting their boundaries. Bobcats have also exhibited polygynous behaviors, suggesting further that bobcats actually form long-term ties with their neighbors/mates. However, outside of breeding (and females raising kittens) bobcats are usually alone.

How do we interpret this? Bobcats are relatively tolerant, conflict-avoidant people who nonetheless need a lot of space and get very defensive when their boundaries are crossed. However, they have a surprising amount of fidelity to their territories and partners, which suggests that bobcats do have some close ties that they cultivate, but they don't need or want constant attention or involvement from the people/person they care about. I read them as being relatively chill people unless you get on their nerves or cross too many boundaries, and are mostly loose-bonding with one or two relationships that they're loyal to long-term, though they may appear to be rather detached to an outside observer.

So how do they all compare? I would say that amur leopards are the more detached and aloof, generally not wanting or needing close ties. Bobcats are more tolerant, socially, but they also tend to be very loose-bonding and disinterested in social interaction, though they may cultivate a special relationship or two. Cougars have a few close ties that they are quite attached to, but outside of these relationships are very asocial. I would say bobcats and amur leopards are actually the most similar. The general vibe difference that I get is that amur leopards are more stoic and cold, while bobcats are more superficially chill and even reasonably friendly (I also tend to think of bobcats as more socially confident with strangers than amur leopards or cougars). Bobcats tend to live in closer proximity to humans than either cougars or amur leopards, and I can say from experience they're pretty wily and unafraid for an animal that is really not that big. They also regularly hunt and kill deer, which are significantly bigger than them, so these guys are not afraid of a challenge. Comparatively, cougars and amur leopards are more shy and are conflict-adverse in a different way, if that makes sense. Bobcats will get into your barn and growl at you like a douche, but they don't like interpersonal conflict. Cougars and amur leopards really try to avoid people, so I would say they're less tolerant of... I want to call it interruptions of their daily life expectations.

My dæmon is actually settled as a cougar, and my two cents on the form is this: we're kind of boring, as people go. I can be pretty rigid and selfish, and unreasonably private, even with the (~3) people I have close ties to. I don't like taking unnecessary risks, and I'm kind of a social wet blanket. I'm also definitely weird about needing relationships to be reciprocal. I have dropped friends, family members, and partners from my life entirely, and immediately, because I felt taken advantage of/wasn't getting what I wanted from the relationship. It's actually like, kind of a problem. I don't really do the whole "selfless love" thing. Some suggestions if you're looking at felid forms and like cougars are also cheetahs and tigers, as they have somewhat similar social bonds despite their extreme introversion.

I don't know you, obviously, so a lot of this is going to do with your own personal introspection. These three forms are very similar, but they give off different vibes, and they do have differences. Are you more outwardly chill and maybe even playful but inwardly private type? Bobcat. Are you generally very aloof and socially awkward, even if you do have a close relationship? Amur leopard. Do you mostly fit the introvert-asocial category except for a few close relationships that tend to be very reciprocal in nature? Cougar. I would think also about they types of prey they hunt (size and difficulty can reflect risk-reward assessment, aka what types of challenges you're willing to take on in your life), more about their relationships with humans, other predators in the same ranges as them, etc. The best advice with super similar forms like these are looking at small details and specifics, as well as how they're recieved. You can also ask people who know you what they think; you'd be surprised by the observations you get.

#dæmons #bobcat #cougar #amur leopard #ask me

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chattingwiththelightkeeper · 3 years

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Alpha, A Red Flag (Part Two)

Since I have shared why I feel the use of the label alpha is a red flag when it is used by a submissive, it is only fair that I share my view on so-called alpha dominants (You can find that writing here). So if that sentence did not give you a clue, I believe that alpha when used by a d-type is a red flag and perhaps an even larger one than when employed by a submissive.

There are a lot of different descriptors when it comes to classifying dominants, so I want to walk through the majority of them along with some that I disagree with and then I will share more about why, for me, alpha, with one exception, is a red flag.

It is also important to keep in mind that lifestyle labels can and do mean different things to different people, so what I am sharing today is simply my opinion and I expect others to have differing opinions. So it is time to get this party of a post started with labels that point to those on the d-side of life.

The obvious place to start is the plain Jane dominant. I believe the best way to sum up a dominant, without writing a novella, is a person who finds soulful joy in leading another in a consensual relationship. A traditional dominant more often than other ‘styles’ I feel will be more service and/or protocol-driven. It is important to not confuse these traits as dominance, cockiness, domineering, and selfishness. I believe a dominant is self-assured, yet still possesses insecurities, they are not authoritarian and are selfless rather than selfish.

Some d-types will describe themselves as being gentleman or lady dominants. Typically these people prioritize being courteous and considerate to not only their submissive but to the world as well. This is in my opinion one of the ‘titles’ in the lifestyle where actions are truly more important than words.

Often but not always linked with the ladies and gentlemen of dominance is the title of daddy/mommy. It often feels like this is quickly becoming a very popular role for new d-types. There are often many assumptions about mommy/daddy dominants so this is a role where asking the question of what it means to a person is very important. Typically, a daddy or mommy dominant will wish more on guiding/caring for their submissive than the traditional dominant’s emphasis on service and protocol. Additionally, a mommy/daddy d-type may want and/or enjoy age regression play, however it is important to not assume this because many who embrace this title are not fans of it.

Now it is time to talk about those big M’s, that is right the mistresses and masters. The M & M’s of the lifestyle have taken this title because of two main reasons. No, it is not because like the Seinfeld episode, they are masters of their domains but rather they have invested a significant about of time ‘mastering’ a skill within the wizarding world of BDSM or they have, currently, in real-life a submissive partner who identifies as a slave. The M & M titles are honorifics that online need to be viewed very carefully. Many of the esteemed online twattwaffle community take these titles not because they have invested years learning a special lifestyle skill nor are they in a relationship with a slave but they have selected it because it sounds impressive. Online, I recommend being cautious of anyone who has taken one of the M’s as a title, unless of course, you are chatting with the M, head of MI-6 and your name is Bond, James Bond.

While often not as ‘strict’ as those who are legitimate mistresses or masters, but very much a ‘kissing cousin’ are those d-types who use owner in their description. An owner will typically think of their s-type as simply property. They may treat their s-type this way all of the time or perhaps just some of the time. If you are newer to the lifestyle this might sound shocking and maybe a bit disconcerting but there are submissive who enjoy behaving like a piece of furniture, a pet (role-playing a kitten/puppy are fairly common), and those who own or wish to own a person who identifies as a slave.

This one is going to hurt for sure because it is time to address those pains in the butt, and other places, known as sadists. Just in case anyone was not clear on what a sadist is, a simple way to define one is a person to takes pleasure, often in a sexual nature, from inflicting pain on another. A word of warning, this does not always equate to physical pain, say from a spanking, but there are emotional sadists out there who get their pleasure inflicting mental soreness. Please remember that a sadist in lifestyle does what they do with and only with the consent of their partner and those who engage in this without or after consent has been revoked are not sadists in my lifestyle dictionary but simply abusers.

There are ‘softer’ sadists out there and these d-types will often pick sensual sadist as a way to categorize the difference. These folks do enjoy the infliction of pain but they mix it with sensual/sexual pleasure. Many dominants will fall here as they may enjoy, for example, giving a hard and painful spanking but mixing it with erotic touching/caressing.

People today will often tell you that they can be coarse or perhaps unfiltered is a better wording and in the lifestyle, there is a place for these dominants. A d-type who calls themselves primal would typically mean that at times they are without filter or animalistic. Immediately, I believe that most will associate roughness or hardness with primal but I have learned that it can also be softer and surprisingly loving. Those unfiltered feelings can indeed be rough but they can also attach to animalistic expressions of love and affection.

I want to talk about a subset that I am very much undereducated about, and writing this post helped me learn and reminded me there is always more to learn about the lifestyle. This is the Leathermen. When I first was introduced to the lifestyle many years back, identifying as a Leathermen was similar to asking “Are you a friend of Dorothy?” as it was almost exclusively made up of gay men as this group had its roots in post-World War Two motorcycle clubs that catered to gay veterans. But it now includes all genders and sexualities and focuses on those who enjoy the sensuality of leather. It is also often thought of as “old guard” and high protocol but that has also evolved as well with groups that are very low protocol.

Now to talk about roles that may or may not indicate a person is dominant.

Starting with a role that I am sure most people have seen and this is a top. A top is a person who enjoys being in charge during a ‘play’ scene but they may not be dominant outside of play but they could be. I think a good way to look at a top are those who enjoy being dominant but just in the bedroom because a top is a person who enjoys being dominant during play but it is unknown if they embrace that role outside of this realm.

Some people identify as dominant but these people are what I call the lifestyle’s lifeguards. Now, this sounds pretty noble but I am left questioning if they are truly dominant. The reason I say this is these white knights are focused on rescuing endangered submissives. These people rush in to save a submissive who is drowning in a tough situation, lead them to shore, giving them first aid once they get them to shore but after that, there is nothing left for them. Their ‘fetish’ is the saving, so once that submissive is saved from the sea, they want to find their next sinking submissive rather than walk off into the sunset with the recently saved submissive. So I put a question mark if these individuals are truly d-types or just have a fetish for saving others.

When I say the word trainer, what do you think of it? Training wheels on a bike? Maybe a medical professional that runs onto a sports field when an athlete is injured? Perhaps the person at the gym who motivates you to do a few more reps? In the lifestyle, there is a group of people who love to get their hands on brand new submissives, to train them. My belief is no submissive needs to be trained. Educated, yes but training is a hard no. No matter what side of the slash a person is on, I believe they should seek out mentors who are that same side of the slash to learn from. So many of the trainers out there especially online are doing so to simply get their hands on ‘fresh meat’ rather than to educate. While this is not universal, my belief and advice is that this lifestyle has a trainer danger. If anyone reading this is newer, focus on learning from those who share your role rather than learning from the other side of the proverbial slash.

Show me the MONEY! Sorry for the Jerry McGuire moment, but next up is the ‘findom’. Findom is short for finical dominant. No this is not a dominant stockbroker who wants to lead a submissive to personal growth and an amazing portfolio but typically will require tribute, AKA money/presents, for attention. Give them X amount of cash or purchase them exotic/expensive gifts to receive/earn their attention. For me, this is not dominance in any form and should have no place in the lifestyle. However, if you believe otherwise, I have been eyeing a new Ferrari and a heli-skiing trip and in return, I will share lots of pictures of the car and the mountains.

This post is getting a little long, so long in fact that I am hungry. Since I am hankering for some nourishment, it brings me to feeders. Just like the financial dominant, I feel this is something that should not be part of the lifestyle. A feeder is a person who likes to ‘lead’ their partner to gain unhealthy amounts of weight and they take pleasure the larger the partner becomes. Here is my issue, I believe that a dominant leads their submissive to be the best they can be, and leading their submissive into unhealthy choices that may lead to long-term health challenges, and quite possibly an early death is not what a dominant does.

While this rhymes with feeder and in my view does not belong in the lifestyle either is the breeder. I truly wish I was talking horse racing and the Breeder’s Cup but sadly here in kinklandia, there is a group of supposed d-types who have a fetish for breeding or to sum it up as impregnating women. This is not, for example, a D/S couple in their 20’s, committed, and doing a role play about ‘making babies’ on their honeymoon but men who have the fetish of meeting a stranger, having unprotected sex with them in the hope that they will ‘knock them up’. Sadly, this could not exist if there were not those out there looking to ‘be bred’. I do not know how to say this but making babies and having babies should never be a kink or fetish. While there are many reasons people have children, this, for me, is not one of them and a kink for making babies should not part of the lifestyle.

Now, we come to those who save me a trip to Wal-Mart on a bad day. These are the oh-so-loveable instapots, oops sorry, insta d-types. Everyone who has explored the lifestyle online has run into these numskulls and when I see or hear their dribble, I thank my lucky stars I am not submissive. The malarkey they spout is jaw-dropping. So please, should a new dominant have read this post, rather than abandoning it to search for more porn, please work to educate yourself. The cow pies that come out of insta-doms mouths and keyboards give them away to new and not-so-new submissives. Learn, grow, and then look for love please, I beg of you. If you are wondering why the instapots of the lifestyle keep from Wal-Mart, well I joke that when I am having a bad day, I can go to Wal-Mart, people watch for a bit, masked and safely socially distanced, and quickly realize I am not doing so badly and life is good. The beauty of the instapots is thanks to the internet, I do not even need to leave my house to have that Wally World experience, just bop around looking for their posts.

While I know I have not crafted a complete list of styles or types of dominants, I feel I did a decent job covering many of the popular categories plus I wanted to shine my light on some of the types that might or might not be authentic d-types. Now, this brings me to why alpha dominant is a personal red flag. I spent quite a bit of time reading what many who identify as alphas have expressed as to why they are one and many of the how-to guides on how to become one. So much of this was just facepalming and strangely, the alphas reminded me of the jocks from the Revenge of the Nerds movies.

Just like over on the alpha submissive side of things, the label of alpha feels linked to gender and sexual orientation. Those who have taken to calling themselves alpha doms appeared to me to be all heterosexual men. I am sure there is an exception to this out there but I simply did not find them. I am a firm believer that gender and/or sexual orientation are not required for any lifestyle role or title

Next, we need to talk about kielbasa. I want to put the phony baloney pony myth to bed. Sorry to tell you Sir Richard from the house of Lancelot, the size of your broadsword has nothing to do with anything else. The size of a man’s wang does not determine their role in the lifestyle. If dominance was linked to ‘size’ it would make meetings at work a whole lot easier, just unzip, set the goods on the conference room table, and then dictate assignments but all that will do is cause termination, lawsuits, and possibly a Supreme Court nomination. In all sincerity, penis size has nothing to do with anything guys because you can have a penis that is mistaken as a third leg and be a horrid lover while Tiny Tim can make her scream with pleasure until the cock cackles in the morning. How much (or little) “God gave you” does not make you a good or bad lover plus it has nothing to do with BDSM!

One of the good doctors of this alpha myth proclaims that if one of his domly minions encounters a woman who is only mediocre, or worse, at giving oral sex it is because she has never been properly taught by an alpha d-type. If her artistry is just acceptable, she may have had some direction from a “pseudo dom”. Seriously, sexual savvy has zero to do with this lifestyle. Within the community, some people are amazing dominants and submissives who do not enjoy oral sex and it is a hard limit. Sexual acts, the desire for them or the proficiency they are performed with has zero to with whatever role in the lifestyle is your home. The D/S lifestyle is not about sex, sexual acts, or someone’s prowess in the bedroom, so please do not fall for the false prophets who purport this jabberwocky.

The alpha apostles also preach that wealth and power equal dominance as well as desirability. Now, I want you to remove your political glasses for this next statement, just look at it through a neutral lens. If wealth combined with power is the scale that determines a dominance ‘level’ as well as desirability, this would make Vladdy Putin one of the most admired and desired men with submissive women. I tried hard to take my politics out of that but it did make me throw up on my mouth just a bit, sorry about that. Wealth only creates desirability for those who crave what money can buy. Do any of you believe that Anna Nichole Smith truly loved her elderly husband, found him a turn on sexually, or was it a billion other reasons she married him? Additionally, what is the one thing we know about power? Power is the biggest corrupter of humans. Yes, some rare individuals handle power with dignity and grace but it is also used to bully, belittle, and bludgeon. Affluence and privilege are not prerequisites for dominance and these should never be used to determine role within the community. Besides what does that say to Joe the Plumber? Is he unable to be an alpha because he is not blessed with wealth or a prestigious career?

These same missionaries also evangelize that a dominant must be physically fit. I believe that a d-type needs to take care of themselves physically because in a position of leadership it is important to be healthy mentally as well as physically, however, the alpha proponents take things to the extreme here. The expectation is that abs of steel are coupled with Biff the bodybuilder’s over-the-top workout routine (please do not forget to grunt loudly every time you pick something up). As I am writing this I am having visions of Hans and Franz saying “we are here to spank you up” rather than pump you up (if you do not remember this SNL skit, let google be your guide for a nice laugh). The health of our minds and bodies is important and need not be overlooked or neglected however the lifestyle is not something that can be sculpted in a gym. The weights that a dominant must lift are in their mind as they learn, grow and educate themselves about the lifestyle. Just because you CrossFit ninety hours a week does not make you a dominant. The exchange of power is mental, so it is important both the mind and body are healthy but how much you can bench-press is immaterial.

I also need to say that dominants are not perfect creatures. Dominants, and many amazing ones, struggle with physical or mental health issues. No one, no dominant, is exempt from facing medical challenges. Somehow the truth that d-types are human, and will be afflicted with the same struggles every person, even vanilla and submissives face.

Some of the alpha ministers will also preach a Yogi the Bear sermon to you. “Hey there Boo-Boo Submissive I’m smarter than the av-er-age dominant!” attempting to claim another alpha distinction. They say they are smarter than the av-er-age d-type and in fact, I have heard several submissives say many of these Yogis think that they are so intelligent they know what submissive women want. They do not need to invest time to get to know a submissive because they already know you better than you know yourself. Just do as they say and you will be amazed! Sorry to tell you Yogi the Alpha, while I certainly do not know what every submissive wants, you do not know what they want either. To know what someone wants needs and dreams of requires investing time and effort into getting to know them. There is not a one size fits all knowledge base out there and even if you have won a Golden Goose Award ten years running, the dominant who invests in a submissive will know what they want and need even if they consider an issue of Archie demanding reading. If someone is indeed more intelligent than the average bear, they need to use that brainpower to invest in a person rather than relying on Ranger’s Jellystone Park one size fits all guidebook. Submission is not a picnic basket you can steal but it must be earned and freely offered.

The alpha propagandist also puts forth a dominant must achieve success in their career. Not only must they be successful, but the career must also be prestigious and admired. There is nothing wrong if you are someone who finds one of those careers their purpose and passion but also has the lifestyle as part of who they are. Sadly the flip side of this is that it excludes masses of people based on something that has no connection to dominance. I also wonder how these views might influence a young man who is exploring the lifestyle as they work to construct their future. Will they feel compelled to pursue a career that is not a fit for them or would they possibly decide to abandon exploring the lifestyle because they know their choices in the working world will exclude them from deciding to find a place within the lifestyle? The choices we all make on how we are going to educate ourselves as well as the way we make a living can tell a lot about who we are people but the one thing it cannot be used is as a guide to who is or is not a dominant plus it should never be used as a method to exclude people from the lifestyle.

A quick trip over to the land of google reveals that the alpha world is filled with a zillion and one guides on how to become ‘the alpha’. The sad thing about this is being dominant is not something that can be taught, you are either one or you are not. The lifestyle requires everyone to learn about themselves plus delve into exploring kinks and fetishes to find each individual’s right fit. What happens when someone picks up a step-by-step guide, follows it, and does what is directed is that that person becomes someone they are not. They are spending each moment of each day acting as though their life was a movie and these magical gurus are their directors. Life is not a movie and when anyone tries to be something they are not, all that ends up happening is they end up hurting others as well as themselves. Being a dominant requires a journey of self-discovery, there is no pre-selected route to follow, and mistakes along the way will happen. Throughout the amazing journey, a d-type must stay true to who they are and the only right route for them is the one they plot and follow because there are no master charts or true way.

There is a place where alpha dominant does make sense and has a place in the lifestyle is just like on the s-side of things is in a poly relationship. There are relationships within the lifestyle that may have more than one d-type and the alpha dominant is the person who is the leader among the leaders in those relationships. So in those relationships, alpha dominant fits and makes sense.

In my opinion, choosing to use alpha dom status in the lifestyle is nothing more than an attempt at marketing because it does not make anyone a domlier dominant or superior to others. Not only is it an attempt to reach a false exclusive status but vanilla attributes that are completely unrelated to the lifestyle are being used as measuring sticks. Following obnoxious how-to guides, career choice/success, being a Jelly Stone mastermind, building a banging body, portfolio value, sensual savvy, and least of all todger size have nothing to with being dominant. Remember even if you are the biggest fish in your pond there is always a lake or sea out there with another fish who is bigger, stronger, and faster. A D/S relationship is a connection of minds which means for me being dominant is about giving your partner the leadership they need so they can face their fears and live their dreams. I believe that a d-type should focus on being who they are, growing as a person as well as the lifestyle and if they do that then the right submissive will swim up the stream to join them to journey through life together.

As with all of my writings, please see this disclaimer.

©TLK2021

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commentaryvorg · 4 years

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Danganronpa V3 Commentary Extra: Rantaro’s Love Hotel Event

At one point I vaguely mentioned that I might make a post covering Rantaro’s Love Hotel event sometime. Unlike most of these events, Rantaro’s one is in fact very good, to the point that it might actually be my favourite piece of Rantaro content. So if I ever wanted to briefly talk about some of the things that are interesting about Rantaro that aren’t relevant in the main storyline, this is honestly the best way for me to do it.

(And maybe there’s also a not-so-Rantaro-specific reason I want to talk about this, too.)

Obligatory warning: this is side-mode bonus content, but I will be mentioning endgame spoilers; don’t read this if you haven’t finished the main story of the game.

First off, understanding this event requires knowledge of what we learn in Rantaro’s FTEs. So, while I don’t quite want to go out of my way to cover those line-by-line, here’s the gist of them for anyone who doesn’t know.

Rantaro’s family is fairly rich and travels around a lot, and one time while in a foreign country, he lost track of his little sister, who was supposed to be following behind him, and she vanished. Ever since then, he’s been doing everything he can to get her back, travelling all over the place and getting himself into all kinds of dangerous scenarios.

Rantaro feels as though his Ultimate should be something like Ultimate Useless Older Brother for letting this happen to his sister in the first place. But Shuichi concludes after hearing the story that maybe Rantaro’s actually the Ultimate Big Brother. It’s not Rantaro’s fault that he lost her, and he’s been trying so hard since then to get her back, essentially devoting his whole life to it, which sounds like the best kind of big brother there is.

After Shuichi agrees to use his detective skills to help Rantaro find his sister, Rantaro then casually adds that, oh by the way, he’s actually got twelve younger sisters who all went missing in similar ways on separate trips.

…And this is the point at which I go “yep, that backstory’s definitely fictional”. Letting it happen once could have been an accidental lapse of attention, sure. But after that, Rantaro would have been extra determined to protect his remaining sisters and not lose them too, so there’s absolutely no way he would have let it happen again eleven more times. That’s just wanton carelessness, as if Rantaro doesn’t actually give a damn about his sisters’ safety at all, which is very clearly the opposite of the truth about him. This only makes sense if it’s fake memories and never actually happened.

(But man, no wonder he hates himself, since he genuinely believes that he really did somehow just carelessly let that happen to every single one of his sisters like the worst big brother in the world.)

Rantaro’s backstory here doesn’t really have much bearing on his role in the canon plot, since his issues there are an entirely separate story fuelled by the whole Survivor Perk thing. Still, this does somewhat help explain why Rantaro is the type of person he is. He probably already had trouble trusting people and feeling like he deserved to be trusted even without the Survivor Perk handicap making it worse – recall fresh-out-of-season-52 Rantaro telling his future self to “trust no-one”. And yet, despite that, he also has a very strong instinct to look out for others and be protective like the big brother he is, hence trying to end the killing game despite his hesitation to trust anyone. His protective instinct might lean towards girls in particular, since they’d be more likely to remind him of his sisters – he did comment at one point that he was worried Kaede’s proactiveness might get her in trouble with Monokuma. (This is why I headcanon that the two survivors from season 52 were both girls; I just think it’d be fun if part of why Rantaro sacrificed himself for them was that they reminded him a little of his sisters and he wanted to protect them at least where he’d failed before.)

So anyway, Rantaro’s Love Hotel event, aka an event where Shuichi has to play the role of the subject’s “ideal fantasy”, which doesn’t have to mean something romantic, shock horror, because this one is entirely platonic. In it, Shuichi finds himself being treated as a student whom Rantaro is something like a private tutor for.

Rantaro: “That’s why you’re my favourite student. Good job! Good work, Shuichi!”

Shuichi: (As he showered me with praise, he lightly tussled my hair with a smile.) […] “R-Rantaro… I’m not a little kid…” (Even if this is his fantasy, it feels weird to be talked to like that.)

Rantaro: “…‘Rantaro,’ huh?”

(His tone had changed. He pulled his hand away, dejected.)

Rantaro: “Not that long ago… you were calling me ‘Big Brother.’”

Except it’s clearly more than that. Rantaro has come to think of this student as like a surrogate younger sibling figure, no doubt to fill the painful gap while his sisters are still missing.

It’s unclear, though, whether he actually has a student like this in real life. This could just be his fantasy of wanting to feel like a big brother again – a fantasy constrained by the unchangeable reality that his sisters are gone and it’s impossible for them to just magically be there, so his subconscious went for the most plausible alternative instead.

Rantaro: “Haha… I guess I made you hate me… didn’t I, Shuichi?”

Apparently Rantaro is all too liable to assume that any “younger sibling” of his would obviously turn to hating him at the slightest provocation. (His sisters must hate him for letting them fall into whatever awful situation they’re in right now, right? They’re definitely blaming it all on him.)

The reason for “Shuichi” supposedly hating Rantaro here is that Rantaro recently announced he’d be leaving on a trip soon – presumably another expedition to try and find his sisters – and can’t even say why.

(Shuichi doesn’t figure out that this is about his sisters, which I guess is because it’s possible to get this event without having done Rantaro’s FTEs in which Shuichi learns about that.)

Rantaro: “I know I’m being selfish, Shuichi. I’m sorry, but I want to shelter you from danger as much as I can…”

Shuichi: “What? Danger…?”

Rantaro: “Haha, whoops, guess I shouldn’t have said that… Forget it.”

Shuichi: “No, Rantaro, I won’t. Not with that look on your face…”

Rantaro: “Some teacher I am, huh? Making you worry about me…”

Obviously it’s terrible of Rantaro as a teacher (as a big brother) to make Shuichi worry about him. That’s not how things are supposed to go in this arrangement at all, so Shuichi should definitely just forget all about it and stop worrying.

(yes hello guess who this is beginning to remind me of, are you maybe starting to see that other reason I wanted to cover this event)

Rantaro: “But you don’t have to worry about a thing. Nothing will ever hurt you. I will protect you. I promise. No one precious to me will ever get hurt again.”

There is absolutely no way someone this fiercely protective would ever have let each of his precious little sisters disappear on him twelve times over. No way. It’s so cruel that Rantaro’s fake memories are making him believe he must secretly be the kind of callously careless person who would let it happen. He’s bound to feel like these assurances otherwise are really just empty words that he’ll always end up betraying when it matters, because he would have promised the same thing to eleven of his sisters, more and more fervently each time, and look what happened anyway.

Shuichi: “W-Wait, Rantaro!” (I don’t really understand, but here goes…) “That… That hurts me, Rantaro. Thinking about you carrying this burden all by yourself hurts me.”

Meanwhile, look at Shuichi hating to see someone he cares about carrying a burden all by themselves, and confronting that person with the fact that they’re hurting him by not letting him help. I wonder who else Shuichi might have said this to, hm? If only he’d known.

Shuichi: “Maybe you see me as just a student, so you don’t think I can protect you… But I don’t *want* to be sheltered and oblivious to everything.”

Rantaro: “Shuichi…”

And look at how Shuichi doesn’t want this person to be hiding their troubles from him in an attempt to protect him, because he can protect them too. This unbalanced arrangement of strictly one-directional help and support while the other person suffers alone was never what Shuichi signed up for.

(If only they’d realise that they need and deserve to be supported, and that needing it doesn’t mean they can’t still support others themselves.)

Shuichi: “Rantaro, you’re going to quit being my tutor, right? So I’m not just your student. I’m your *friend*. You can tell me anything. I know I can help you.”

Shuichi’s approach to this is exactly what he does in Kaito’s Harmonious Heart event and I love it. Rantaro’s trying to insist they have this tutor/student (big brother/little brother) relationship that means Rantaro has to hide all his worries and problems and bear all of that by himself to keep Shuichi safe and oblivious and not worried – but no. Shuichi is having none of that nonsense that puts so much extra undue pressure on Rantaro, because they are friends and he wants to help. Just like with Kaito – he sees this as the best, simplest way to get through to his friend and stop them being so goddamn selfless, and it is.

(Or, well, he and Rantaro might not even technically be friends in this Love Hotel event if Shuichi hasn’t done his FTEs. Still, Shuichi is playing this role of someone who views Rantaro as a tutor/big brother/friend, so he’s acting out what he would do if a person he cared about in that way was behaving like this. Sure, Rantaro never even mentioned that they’re specifically friends, but Shuichi extrapolated from the situation that obviously this person would consider Rantaro a friend as well as those other things. Shuichi is good.)

Rantaro: “Are you sure about this, Shuichi? You’re at the point of no return…

Shuichi: “I would never want you to face it alone, Rantaro…”

Rantaro: “You’ve really come into your own. Haha… Alright, I give up. I’ll tell you everything.”

Looks like it worked! Rantaro now has (in his fantasy) not just a surrogate little brother, but a friend and comrade who’s going to help him and be there for him as he searches for his sisters. Which is probably a lot more beneficial for him in the long run than just yet another younger sibling for him to feel like he’s letting down one way or another.

Rantaro: “Just… until the end of this lesson, can we act like nothing’s changed? The time that I’ve spent as your teacher… has been such a comfort to me.”

I also really like this, because it shows that Shuichi’s response to all this wasn’t Rantaro’s fantasy. Rantaro wanted to just re-experience the feeling of spending time with a younger sibling who’s safe and protected and is never ever going to get hurt or be in danger at all. And Shuichi essentially threw that out and told Rantaro not what he wanted to hear, but what he needed to hear – that he needs to stop being so selfless and let the people who care about him help him for once, because they don’t want him to be suffering alone and he deserves better than that.

This is a really great event because it’s a rare – and really well-done – showcase of Rantaro’s issues from his backstory. They’re some pretty fun issues, so it’s honestly a big shame that they’re basically not relevant at all in the main story and only even come up in bonus bits like this. (Granted, someone had to be the first to die, and the way it was done with Rantaro was probably one of the best ways to make that person still feel fairly narratively relevant and not like a complete throwaway – but it does sadly mean that most of his potential as a character and not as a mysterious plot device had to be squandered.)

But that’s not all; I also really like this event because of Shuichi’s role in it. From what little I gather of how these mostly-stupid Love Hotel scenes go, it probably doesn’t usually even matter that it’s Shuichi in them, because he’s just a placeholder forced to play this role no matter how uncomfortable it makes him and how unlike him it is. But in this one, Shuichi being here does make a difference. Not everyone would have responded to Rantaro’s situation like this, but Shuichi did, because he’s a really good friend who’d never want to let the people he cares about carry their burdens alone.

So not only is this a great event for showcasing Rantaro’s issues, but it’s also great for showing us how good and supportive of a friend Shuichi has the potential to be, even towards people who are stubbornly trying to put themselves in a one-sided protector role that has to carry burdens alone. Shuichi was always exactly the right kind of person to help Kaito with his problems, too – if only he’d known what Kaito was hiding from him in the first place.

(Also, man, if Rantaro had lived longer, he and Kaito could have had some very interesting interactions. I love how many characters in this story it’s possible to draw parallels and contrasts to Kaito with.)

#danganronpa #danganronpa v3 #drv3 #ndrv3 #commentary #salmon team #extra #(don't expect these extras to be regular or numerous; i just happened to want to talk about this)

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curewhimsy · 4 years

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Utane Uta x Soune Taya infodump (Shiro-Sora)

General Chemistry Uta is pretty sarcastic, blunt, and reserved, so it’s an interesting development to see her grow and interact with the pure and shy Taya as they both overcome their shortcomings together. Uta just lost her passion to depression, but that's touched on eventually/later. She's all like "I hate life" but that's because of depression. She also lost her interest in music to depression, but being with Taya and being in a musical school has her slowly regain it. Taya tries to help out Uta and make her smile but... he ends up upsetting her one time... When Taya finds out how depressed Uta really is he starts crying for her and saying "I'm sorry..." and Uta is like "Why are you crying? Nothing is your fault..." And Taya apologizes again and says it's a habit that he feels responsible for his friend's sadness. Uta hugs him. "I haven't been able to cry for years, so I'm a bit jealous..." She says. "But... I still don't want you to cry though... I like to see your smile, ok?" Taya is very polite, and selfless. He's always willing to do favors for people. He speaks in polite language. He bows at many occasions (Even in this universe that takes place in the USA, and not Japan.) He is humble as well. These may seem like quirks or obsessions as first, but it stems from his feeling of obligation to do things for people and "not be a burden," because he had friends and teachers who treated him like a burden before. When his anemia caused him to faint or miss classes, everyone treated him as a burden. When he starts hanging out with Uta, she comments on how he feels like a butler and tells him to loosen up, it's okay to be a bit more relaxed, and selfish even. Well I think the day Uta finally cries and lets out her emotions is when something bad happens to her (fighting with her father perhaps,) but Taya comes and helps and comforts her, then confesses his love for her. And then come the waterworks, from both of them! Other General Background Stuff (including their gender identities and such) Uta Utane is non-binary, and first discovers it at age 20 through Taya, after getting to know him and realizing she is non-binary as well. Uta eventually switches to identifying as demigirl and uses she/her and they/them pronouns. Taya Soune is non-binary (he/him, trans-masculine, lesbian) and discovered his identity at age 14. He is DFAB and had been raised as a girl until then. A lot of his gender identity is still a secret from his parents, even though they know he takes testosterone hormone therapy. (They assume he is a trans man.)

Uta’s mother died when she was 4 years old. This fanfic takes place in the USA, so she is Japanese-American. Uta’s mother loved music and singing, and named her daughter after the Japanese word for song. After Uta’s mother died, her father didn’t take it well. He abandoned all music and began to hate it, because it brought back painful memories of Uta’s mother. Taya is also Japanese-American. His parents named him “Taya” with the intent of giving him an easy name to pronounce and relate to for Americans. Since Taya was designated female at birth, he was also given a name that sounded female to Americans. He still decided to keep the name after transitioning, however.

Taya picked up his habit of politely bowing when he was 15 years old and took a summer trip to Japan for two months. For this trip, he studied Japanese extensively to be able to communicate with the local people. He can speak Japanese at an intermediate skill level because of this. While he was in Japan, he felt that bowing was an expression of utmost politeness and now continues to do it back in the USA out of both out of reflex and courtesy. Uta had never been to Japan. Her father, who abandoned music after Uta’s mother died, never taught Uta the meaning of her name. When Uta was 10 years old, she was mistaken as being named Utah by everyone and was teased for it. So she Googled her name. She learned that it meant “song” in Japanese. She began to learn about Japanese culture, especially pop culture and music, in secret from her father. Quirks and Funny Moments Uta’s catchphrase is “Yare yare...” (“Good grief...”) Taya’s catchphrase is “Is that sou, desu ne?” (“Sou desu ne” is basically “Is that so?” in Japanese. I combined the two. He also tends to mumble “Sou, ne” which means “oh, well,” and alludes to... his last name! Taya is smart and dignified but... very clumsy and naive as well. Uta is badass, but kind of “chaotic dumb” in certain ways. Sometimes she forgets to do her homework while doing her homework. Don’t ask. Taya loves sweets, and his favorite is strawberry shortcake. He is also a good pastry chef... Uta is horrible at cooking! She is so horrible, that she makes things mega-explode! She is so horrible, she needs Taya to cook for her just so she can get by! Taya gets completely drunk after just a few sips of alcohol. When his 21st birthday comes in the story, he has his first drink. He gets drunk almost instantly and becomes a lot less shy. He starts singing drunk karaoke along with an intoxicated Meiko. (The songs Ghost Rule and World is Mine come to mind.) Taya and Momo Momone once got into a rather heated argument over whether strawberries or peaches are better. Uta asked herself why she was surrounded by airheads. Uta buys Taya a strawberry Squishmallow for his birthday. In no time, Taya is able to think of a personality and an extensive backstory for his new plush friend. Uta is... impressed.

One time Taya tried playing Uta’s violin instead of his usual cello. He played an earsplitting tune and ended up breaking the violin. Not only does it just break, it comically explodes into little pieces! Taya wears fancy and posh menswear all the time. To every occasion. Even to sleep. Don’t judge him. Taya is 5’4” but wishes he were at least 5’8”. He has a slight Napoleonic complex, which is somewhat unexpected. It is eventually revealed that Taya started dressing in such an elegant way to make up for his lack of height. Uta reassures Taya that his height is fine. (Once before they started dating, she accidentally slipped out that she thinks Taya is “handsome the way he is” and became flustered. However, Taya didn’t take Uta’s compliment as having any romantic undertones.) Uta’s height is 5’0” and she is rather fine with it. Deep down, she doesn’t want Taya to be tall. She likes Taya just the way he is. “Why did you set me on fire, Uta? Why didn’t you just write your essay?” -Quote from Taya, when Uta didn’t write her essay and ended up setting Taya on fire instead. (Don’t ask.) Their Part-Time Jobs Uta works part time at a hat shop. This is because Uta loves hats. In fact, she is usually never seen without her favorite hat, a black beret. Even when she is wearing a different hat, such as a beanie, she still usually is carrying her beret with her somewhere. Uta’s hat shop is at the mall, in the dimly-lit corner where nobody really goes to. It is a small shop and she is the head of it. The sales at the shop are poor. The place is named “Defoko’s Hats,” after the nickname Miki gave Uta. The nickname Defoko came from now Miki thought Uta was such a “default” type of person the first time she met her, whatever that was supposed to mean. (The word default written in Japanese katakana is pronounced “deforuto.” The first part of “deforuto” was combined with “ko,” a common ending in Japanese girls’ names, to make the nickname Defoko.) Taya works part-time at Denny’s as a waiter. He started working there to pay back the funds it took to fix a window that he broke by crashing through said window like the Kool-Aid man while he was drunk after having only one drink on his 21st birthday. (Because he cannot hold his alcohol.) Taya over-achieves at his job at Denny’s and acts as if he is a waiter in a five-star restaurant. Along with always wearing his posh, elegant clothing to the job, he is very overly-polite and tactful when taking orders, even bowing at times... people have commented that he feels more like a butler than a waiter. Taya also tends to pour the drinks at the table. In fancy teacups. He pours from a fancy kettle into the cup from a high angle. In fact, he pours them from so high, he has to get a ladder. Everyone in the restaurant stares at him. Taya is quite odd, but he does get a lot of tips. And more people have been coming to the restaurant since he had started working there. He isn’t even going for a gimmick however. He is literally just being Taya. The Theatre Club Taya wanted Uta to join the musical theatre club with him. He felt unconfident in himself alone. Taya is somewhat experienced in singing, though he is a complete beginner in the acting aspect of musical theatre. Uta has no interest in theatre, though joins to help out Taya. The biggest reason Taya wanted this is because he had a play he dreamed of acting out with everyone. It’s a play he wrote himself, from his heart. Taya is alone a lot, but he hopes this play can bring him and his schoolmates closer together. This is all Taya asks for. Uta admires his sincerity. However, since Taya is a newcomer, and the other members of the club are well-established, nobody is thinking of considering Taya’s play as their acting source material, even though nobody else’s ideas are really clicking. Given his nature, Taya doesn’t speak up. They only pay attention to him when Uta tells everyone that he’d like to share an idea. The play is… short, and similar to the one in Clannad? Except with… more people… lol. Haven’t thought too hard about the plot yet. However, it has the line, “Take my hand, I’ll take you to a place where miracles happen.” Taya’s character will be the one to say this line. Note: Okay so I thought harder and brought in the lyrics to “Dolls” by Rozenkreuz-P. So it’s basically about a child who felt alone in the world, so he built a mechanical doll to have as a friend, though he had to leave the doll behind one day to depart to “a world beyond ours” AKA death. The doll was left all alone to age and weather. The doll comes to life and is able to move. It becomes able to speak, so it sets out on an adventure, meeting people in the world it was left behind in. The doll helps out many people with its magical power. The doll’s favorite saying is “Take my hand, I’ll take you to a place where miracles happen.” One day, the doll eventually breaks, and is unable to contain the spirit within it. The doll’s spirit is able to reunite with its beloved owner who created it. Also the doll is a genderless character, because well… Taya wrote this. The work is eventually given the name “Fantasia Story,” exactly like Nagisa’s play from Clannad. Taya is playing the role of the doll. In-universe, it is said to have an “otherworldly feel” to it, and even “Wow, did you write this, Taya? That’s incredible…” A few songs are composed and written by the music club for the play, and the only one mentioned by name in the fic will be the solo Taya sings. It’ll be an actual song as well, Dolls by Rozenkreuz-P (feat. Kagamine Rin). Since this fic takes place in the USA… pretend it’s been translated to English or something. I imagine that maybe IA was the one who composed the song in-universe. Friendship Interactions (From when they were still just friends) Taya felt platonic (friendship) love for Uta the moment he first met her. He was lost on the college campus during his first day, and Uta offered to help Taya find where he was going, even though she didn’t know much about the campus herself. Taya immediately sensed that Uta was a good person. Taya wanted Uta to stay longer and talk with him for a while. When Uta went on her way and left Taya after she couldn’t help him, he felt dejected, but he felt so happy and blessed when he met Uta again later in the day and got to become close friends with her. He states the memory of their meeting is enough to make him cry. Taya is very fond of Uta. He sees her as such a wonderful and special person. He cannot stand seeing her hurt or upset, it hurts him as well. Uta grows to be very fond of Taya. The kindness and pureness of Taya’s heart widens Uta’s perspective on life. She is inspired to be someone more like him, who doesn’t harbor harsh feelings in their heart. Uta grows very protective of Taya. In a sense, she becomes willing to do anything for the sake of him, even doing something embarrassing in front of everyone in physics class to take the attention away from Taya sleep-talking in class. As best friends, they open up about their problems to each other and are always willing to be each other’s shoulder to cry on. When their lives take a turn for the stressful, they have each other. Their bond deeps this way. Uta’s crush on Taya began when she saw how confident he became when acting in the play he wrote himself. Also through the story in the play, Uta felt she got to learn so much about what’s in Taya’s heart. Uta began to see Taya as a wonderful, sweet, humble, and charming person. Taya’s crush on Uta started out as a “platonic crush.” It gradually grew into a romantic one. Taya began seeing Uta in a different light when he realized she was not only kind, but very brave and willing to help anyone in need. Once when Taya wasn’t feeling good, he still felt obligated to work and to do Uta favors. Uta told Taya he needed to rest and to take it easy. She attempted to cook chicken and vegetable porridge for Taya but nearly made the kitchen explode... however, by a miracle of friendship (or love?) the actual porridge didn’t turn out so bad. However, that night Taya’s condition worsened and became severe. He needed to go to the emergency room for pneumonia and a blood transfusion (due to anemia.) Taya began to feel like a burden, but Uta reassured him he wasn’t and blamed herself. They then worked out that maybe it was nobody’s fault. This bout of illness happened shortly before Taya was to perform his musical theatre play. Therefore, Taya isn’t in top condition when he performs. However, he still does his best and gives a good performance. Shippy Details and Interactions (From after they became lovers) Taya is a very gentle and affectionate person. Right after he confesses his love to Uta, he is rather chaste about showing his affection out of shyness. But they grow to trust each other more about these feelings. Taya is a huge hugger and loves to cuddle. Uta is gray-romantic, meaning she rarely feels romantic attraction. She seldom felt romantic feelings in her life. She never felt them substantially before meeting Taya, who she considers her first, and really, only love. Uta never thought she would be big with hugging and cuddling, but physical affection with Taya gives her comfort. (DISCLAIMER: I’m not trying to state that people who lack romantic attraction are “broken” or need to be “repaired.” Other types of love, such as platonic or familial love can be just as, or even more meaningful and fulfilling than the romantic kind.) Taya likes singing Uta to sleep. He even recorded his voice softly singing lullabies for Uta to listen to while falling asleep for when he can’t be available to sing for her. Uta thinks this is very sweet of him. Taya likes holding/hugging or clinging to Uta gently as they fall asleep together. Sometimes when Taya is feeling down, Uta does this to Taya and it comforts him greatly. The Emotional Part TW: ABUSIVE PARENT

———

Taya is practicing lines from the short play he wrote himself. He reaches his hand out and says “Take my hand... I’ll take you to a place where miracles happen.” This captures Uta’s heart.

Eventually in the story, something emotional happens. Uta gets in a fight with her father over her college major. Uta has learned to love music again and now truly wants to pursue it. However, Uta’s father still hates music, and hates that his daughter’s name is Uta (meaning “song”), and hates that the family’s name is Utane (“singing sound”.) Uta’s mother died when she was young. Her now single father is distant, abusive, and wants Uta to be a business major.

Things get emotional between them, and even a bit physical. Taya sees the whole thing, and steps in at a certain point as Uta’s father is about to hit his daughter. Uta tells Taya to stop for his own good, not wanting Taya to have to get hurt. Uta grabs Taya by the hand and runs off.

Once away from the scene, Uta then vents to Taya and tells him that life has been terrible because it lost all its meaning... Uta starts sobbing and letting out all her pent-up emotions. Taya hugs her, unable to handle seeing Uta cry, letting tears slide down his own face. After crying and comforting Uta for a bit, Taya says... “Uta, take my hand... I’ll take you to a place where miracles happen...” This time he’s for real. He‘s reaching his hand out to Uta. He‘s trying to comfort her. Both of them are misty-eyed. Uta takes his hand... and smiles at him. “Now, shall we go?” Taya smiles back. “Yes...” They take a walk to the place where they first met... And after a talk about their memories, Taya confesses his love to Uta at the top of the hill under the stars. Uta’s Life, Music, and Singing Uta Utane started out not being a singer. Until she went to Sonare Community College, the music-oriented college the story takes place in, and met Taya, she had never taken a singing lesson in her life. Uta’s late mother used to love singing. Uta herself was exclusively a violinist at first. She started playing the violin in childhood. When she lost her passion for music to depression, she still continued to play the violin simply because she felt she’d come too far to abandon it. Early in the story, Uta went to karaoke with Taya to help themselves come out of their shells a bit and become less shy in performing. Their new acquaintances Ritsu Namine and Ruko Yokune gave very powerful performances of -ERROR and The Lost One’s Weeping, and blew everyone away. Next, shy Taya gave a performance of From Y to Y, and Uta found out that he actually had a really beautiful singing voice. Uta went up on stage next and sang Jitter Doll rather horribly. Her voice was screechy, scratchy, and off-key. It was actually so bad that the microphone started making a weird feedback noise. She became so embarrassed that she stopped in the middle... and confessed with shame that she wasn’t a singer, and that she just came to help out Taya. Everyone cheered Uta on regardless. It was a great feeling, and pushed Uta to want to pursue singing. Uta becomes Taya’s singing partner, and Taya coaches Uta with what he knows about vocals. Within a year, the quality of Uta’s voice develops well. Eventually, Uta is outside with Taya. A mood strikes them and they start singing. Uta is singing a solo part, and suddenly her father comes up. “Uta?” He says. Uta is suddenly revolted by his presence and ready to take Taya’s hand and run away. She hates her dad and was ready for him to say something awful. But rather... “When did you learn to sing like that? You sounded just like your mother. It brought back memories...” Uta’s father is smiling sentimentally? Uta still doesn’t trust him, and neither does Taya, but Uta’s legs somehow just won’t move. “I...” Uta starts to speak. “You know, I realized something.” Uta’s father interrupts. “I should’ve stayed strong for you. I should have let you pursue music if it made you this happy. Your mother may have passed, but... music is where she lives on. How... how have I not realized that she lives on in you...?” Uta’s father suddenly begins sobbing. Uta doesn’t know how to react at first... but Taya pats him on the back. “Dad...” Uta eventually finds the words to say. “It’s okay now. I’m sorry I never realized you felt this way. I’d recommend not bottling these things up. Seek some professional help, okay? The first step to recovering is realizing these things. I promise, things will get better.” Uta’s father never fully redeems himself, but he lets go all his hatred caused by a traumatic past he cannot change and stops burdening his daughter with his harsh feelings. Two years after the beginning of the story, Uta goes back to the same karaoke place where she first sang Jitter Doll horribly. Little does she know, her performance became somewhat infamous there among the workers for being awful. All 46 Vocaloid and UTAU characters featured in the fic will be present in this scene. This will be a party scene, and perhaps nearing the series’ finale. “Hey, isn’t she that one who couldn’t sing?” The staff says upon seeing her. “Yes, and I’m back.” Uta says. “Now let’s turn up the volume in here. I’ll be requesting Jitter Doll.” This time, Uta totally slays every note of the song with great power and technique. She isn’t impeccably skilled yet, but she’s getting there. Applause booms from the group. Uta’s improvement is as clear as day. Not only did Uta’s singing improve within those two years, but so did her life and character. Her personality is now more cheerful and less closed-off, and she managed to overcome depression alongside Taya, becoming much more confident and buoyant in the process. Eventually... (After Story and Epilogue...) Taya plans an event on the hill where he and Uta first met. It’s a formal evening cookout with a lot of karaoke. In the place where they first met, Taya proposes marriage to Uta on a day in April. They are 24 years old. Their honeymoon is in Tokyo that June. Two months after the honeymoon, in August, they have their wedding and get married. Three years later at age 27, the two adopt their first child, a baby girl they name Sonata.

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supposedlyawitch · 4 years

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shadow work

i found a site that explains shadow work and i want to do some work with it and i’m willing to share the details the site has here. I’m putting this also here so i can look back on it. I already know my shadow is probably bigger and deeper than all the oceans combined. it might be interesting to explore, it might not, but it has to be done. This is basically free therapy.

Please note: Shadow Work exercises should not be undertaken if you struggle with low self-esteem. Exploring your demons will likely make you feel a million times worse about yourself and may spiral into self-hatred. Before doing Shadow Work, I strongly and emphatically encourage you to work on Self-Love. Shadow Work should only be undertaken by those who have healthy and stable self-worth, and a friendly relationship with themselves. See this article on how to love yourself for more guidance.

Why Focusing Only on the Light is a Form of Escapism

But a few years ago, after battling ongoing mental health issues, I realized something shocking:

I was wrong.

What DOES touch the very depths of your being, however, is exploring your Shadow.

What is the Human Shadow?

In short, the human shadow is our dark side; our lost and forgotten disowned self. Your shadow is the place within you that contains all of your secrets, repressed feelings, primitive impulses, and parts deemed “unacceptable,” shameful, “sinful” or even “evil.” This dark place lurking within your unconscious mind also contains suppressed and rejected emotions such as rage, jealousy, hatred, greed, deceitfulness, and selfishness.

So where did the Shadow Self idea originate? The concept was originally coined and explored by Swiss psychiatrist and psychoanalyst, Carl Jung. In Jung’s own words:

“Everyone carries a shadow, and the less it is embodied in the individual’s conscious life, the blacker and denser it is.”

Thankfully, there is a way to explore the Shadow and prevent it from devouring our existence, and that is called Shadow Work.

What is Shadow Work?

Shadow work is the process of exploring your inner darkness or “Shadow Self.” As mentioned previously, your Shadow Self is part of your unconscious mind and contains everything you feel ashamed of thinking and feeling, as well as every impulse, repressed idea, desire, fear and perversion that for one reason or another, you have “locked away” consciously or unconsciously. Often this is done as a way of keeping yourself tame, likable and “civilized” in the eyes of others.

Shadow work is the attempt to uncover everything that we have hidden and every part of us that has been disowned and rejected within our Shadow Selves. Why? Because without revealing to ourselves what we have hidden, we remain burdened with problems such as anger, guilt, shame, disgust, and grief.

Do We All Have a Shadow Self?

Yes, we ALL have a Shadow Self (see our Collective Shadow article for a deeper explanation).

If the thought of having a Shadow side disturbs you, take a moment to consider whether you have developed an idealized self. Signs of an idealized self include attitudes such as:

“I’m not like those people, I’m better.”

“I have never strayed.”

“God is proud of me.”

“Criminals and wrongdoers aren’t human.”

“Everyone sees how good I am (even so, I have to remind them).”

“I’m a role model.”

“I should be validated and applauded for my good deeds.”

“I don’t have bad thoughts, so why do others?”

How is Our Shadow Side Formed?

As authors and Jungian therapists Steve Price and David Haynes write:

But, as we develop our ego personality, we also do something else at the same time. What has happened to all those parts of our original potential that we didn’t develop? They won’t just cease to exist: they will still be there, as potential or as partly developed, then rejected, personality attributes, and they will live on in the unconscious as an alternative to the waking ego. So, by the very act of creating a specifically delineated ego personality, we have also created its opposite in the unconscious. This is the shadow. Everyone has one.

As we can see, developing the Shadow Self is a natural part of development.

But you also formed an alter ego due to social conditioning, i.e. your parents, family members, teachers, friends, and society at large all contributed to your Shadow.

How?

There are countless behaviors, emotions, and beliefs that are rejected in society, and thus, are rejected by ourselves. In order to fit in, be accepted, approved, and loved, we learned to act a certain way. We adopted a role that would ensure our mental, emotional, and physical survival. But at the same time, wearing a mask has consequences. What happened to all the authentic, wild, socially taboo or challenging parts of ourselves? They were trapped in the Shadow.

What happens as we grow up?

Through time, we learn to both enjoy, and despise, our socially-approved egos because, on the one hand, they make us feel good and “lovable,” but on the other hand, they feel phony and inhibited.

Therapist Steve Wolf has a perfect analogy that describes this process:

Each of us is like Dorian Grey. We seek to present a beautiful, innocent face to the world; a kind, courteous demeanour; a youthful, intelligent image. And so, unknowingly but inevitably, we push away those qualities that do not fit the image, that do not enhance our self-esteem and make us stand proud but, instead, bring us shame and make us feel small. We shove into the dark cavern of the unconscious those feelings that make us uneasy — hatred, rage, jealousy, greed, competition, lust, shame — and those behaviours that are deemed wrong by the culture — addiction, laziness, aggression, dependency — thereby creating what could be called shadow content. Like Dorian’s painting, these qualities ultimately take on a life of their own, forming and invisible twin that lives just behind our life, or just beside it …

But while the Shadow Self may be portrayed as our “evil twin,” it is not entirely full of “bad” stuff. There is actually gold to be found within the Shadow.

What is the Golden Shadow?

The ‘Golden Shadow’ also presents us with the opportunity for tremendous psychological and spiritual growth. By doing Shadow Work, we learn that every single emotion and wound that we possess has a gift to share with us. Even the most obnoxious, “ugly,” or shameful parts of ourselves provide a path back to Oneness. Such is the power of the Shadow – it is both a terrifying journey, but is ultimately a path to Enlightenment or Illumination. Every spiritual path needs Shadow Work in order to prevent the issues from happening that we’ll explore next.

What Happens When You Reject Your Shadow?

When shadow-work is neglected, the soul feels dry, brittle, like an empty vessel. — S. Wolf

Both religion and modern spirituality have a tendency to focus on the “love and light” aspects of spiritual growth to their own doom. This over-emphasis on the fluffy, transcendental, and feel-good elements of a spiritual awakening results in shallowness and phobia of whatever is too real, earthy, or dark.

Other issues that arise when we reject our Shadow side can include:

Hypocrisy (believing and supporting one thing, but doing the other)

Lies and self-deceit (both towards oneself and others)

Uncontrollable bursts of rage/anger

Emotional and mental manipulation of others

Greed and addictions

Phobias and obsessive compulsions

Racist, sexist, homophobic, and other offensive behavior

Intense anxiety

Chronic psychosomatic illness

Depression (which can turn into suicidal tendencies)

Sexual perversion

Narcissistically inflated ego

Chaotic relationships with others

Self-loathing

Self-absorption

Self-sabotage

… and many others. This is by no means a comprehensive list (and there are likely many other issues out there). As we’ll learn next, one of the greatest ways we reject our Shadows is through psychological projection.

The Shadow and Projection (a Dangerous Mix)

One of the biggest forms of Shadow rejection is something called projection. Projection is a term that refers to seeing things in others that are actually within ourselves.

When we pair projection and the Shadow Self together, we have a dangerous mix.

Why?

Because as psychotherapist Robert A. Johnson writes:

We generally seek to punish that which reminds us most uncomfortable about the part of ourselves that we have not come to terms with, and we often ‘see’ these disowned qualities in the world around us.

If we are seeking to bring peace, love, and meaning to our lives, we absolutely MUST reclaim these projections. Through Shadow Work, we can explore exactly what we have disowned.

Twelve Benefits of Shadow Work

There is SO much to be gained from making Shadow Work a part of your life, and daily routine. Here are some of the most commonly experienced benefits:

Deeper love and acceptance of yourself

Better relationships with others, including your partner and children

More confidence to be your authentic self

More mental, emotional, and spiritual clarity

Increased compassion and understanding for others, particularly those you dislike

Enhanced creativity

Discovery of hidden gifts and talents

Deepened understanding of your passions and ultimate life purpose

Improved physical and mental health

More courage to face the unknown and truly live life

Access to your Soul or Higher Self

A feeling of Wholeness

Seven Tips For Approaching Shadow Work

Before you begin Shadow Work, it’s important for you to assess whether you’re ready to embark on this journey. Not everyone is prepared for this deep work, and that’s fine. We’re all at different stages. So pay attention to the following questions and try to answer them honestly:

Have you practiced self-love yet? If not, Shadow Work will be too overwhelming for you. I have starred this bullet point because it is essential for you to consider. Shadow Work should not be attempted by those who have poor self-worth or struggle with self-loathing. In other words: if you struggle with severely low self-esteem, please do not attempt Shadow Work. I emphatically warn you against doing it. Why? If you struggle with extremely poor self-worth, exploring your Shadows will likely make you feel ten times worse about yourself. Before you walk this path, you absolutely must establish a strong and healthy self-image. No, you don’t have to think you’re God’s gift to the world, but having average self-worth is important. Try taking this self-esteem test to explore whether you’re ready (but first, don’t forget to finish this article!).

Are you prepared to make time? Shadow Work is not a lukewarm practice. You are either all in or all out. Yes, it is important to take a break from it time to time. But Shadow Work requires dedication, self-discipline, and persistence. Are you willing to intentionally carve out time each day to dedicate to it? Even just ten minutes a day is a good start.

Are you looking to be validated or to find the truth? As you probably know by now, Shadow Work isn’t about making you feel special. It isn’t like typical spiritual paths which are focused on the feel-good. No, Shadow Work can be brutal and extremely confronting. This is a path for truth seekers, not those who are seeking to be validated.

Seek to enter a calm and neutral space. It is important to try and relax when doing Shadow Work. Stress and judgmental or critical attitudes will inhibit the process. So please try to incorporate a calming meditation or mindfulness technique into whatever you do.

Understand that you are not your thoughts. It is essential for you to realize that you are not your thoughts for Shadow Work to be healing and liberating. Only from your calm and quiet Center (also known as your Soul) can you truly be aware of your Shadow aspects. By holding them in awareness, you will see them clearly for what they are, and realize that they ultimately don’t define you; they are simply rising and falling mental phenomena.

Practice self-compassion. It is of paramount importance to incorporate compassion and self-acceptance into your Shadow Work practice. Without showing love and understanding to yourself, it is easy for Shadow Work to backfire and make you feel terrible. So focus on generating self-love and compassion, and you will be able to release any shame and embrace your humanity.

Record everything you find. Keep a written journal or personal diary in which you write down, or draw, your discoveries. Recording your dreams, observations, and analysis will help you to learn and grow more effectively. You’ll also be able to keep track of your process and make important connections.

How to Practice Shadow Work

There are many Shadow Work techniques and exercises out there. In this guide, I will provide a few to help you start off. I’ll also share a few examples from my own life:

1. Pay attention to your emotional reactions

In this practice, you’ll learn that what you give power to has power over you. Let me explain:

One Shadow Work practice I enjoy a great deal is paying attention to everything that shocks, disturbs and secretly thrills me. Essentially, this practice is about finding out what I’ve given power to in my life unconsciously, because what we place importance in – whether good or bad – says a lot about us.

The reality is that what we react to, or what makes us angry and distressed, reveals extremely important information to us about ourselves.

For example, by following where my “demons” have taken me – whether in social media, family circles, workspaces and public places – I have discovered two important things about myself. The first one is that I’m a control freak; I hate feeling vulnerable, powerless and weak . . . it quite simply scares the living hell out of me. How did I discover this? Through my intense dislike of witnessing rape scenes in movies and TV shows, my negative reaction to novel experiences (e.g. roller coaster rides, public speaking, etc.), as well as my discomfort surrounding sharing information about my life with others in conversations. Also, by following where my “demons” have guided me I’ve discovered that I’m being burdened by an exasperating guilt complex that I developed through my religious upbringing. A part of me wants to feel unworthy because that is what I’ve developed a habit of feeling since childhood (e.g. “You’re a sinner,” “It’s your fault Jesus was crucified”), and therefore, that is what I secretly feel comfortable with feeling: unworthy. So my mind nit-picks anything I might have done “wrong,” and I’m left with the feeling of being “bad” – which I’m used to, but nevertheless, this is destructive for my well-being.

Thanks to this practice, I have welcomed more compassion, mindfulness, and forgiveness into my life.

Paying attention to your emotional reactions can help you to discover exactly how your core wounds are affecting you on a daily basis.

How to Pay Attention to Your Emotional Reactions

To effectively pay attention to your emotional reactions (I call it “following the trail of your inner demons”), you first need to cultivate:

1. Self-awareness

Without being conscious of what you’re doing, thinking, feeling and saying, you won’t progress very far.

If, however, you are fairly certain that you’re self-aware (or enough to start the process), you will then need to:

2. Adopt an open mindset

Likely, you will discover patterns constantly emerging in your life. For example, you might be outraged or embarrassed every time sex appears in a TV show or movie you like (possibly revealing sexual repression or mistaken beliefs about sex that you’ve adopted throughout life). Or you might be terrified of seeing death or dead people (possibly revealing your resistance to the nature of life or a childhood trauma). Or you might be disgusted by alternative political, sexual and spiritual lifestyles (possibly revealing your hidden desire to do the same).

There are so many possibilities out there, and I encourage you to go slowly, take your time, and one by one pick through what you place importance in.

“But I DON’T place importance in gross, bad or disturbing things in life, how could I? I don’t care for them!” you might be asking.

See what you respond to and listen to what your Shadow is trying to teach you.

2. Artistically Express Your Shadow Self

Art is the highest form of self-expression and is also a great way to allow your Shadow to manifest itself. Psychologists often use art therapy as a way to help patients explore their inner selves.

3. Start a Project

4. Write a Story or Keep a Shadow Journal

5. Explore Your Shadow Archetypes

We have a number of Shadow varieties, also called Shadow Archetypes. These archetypes are sometimes defined as:

The Sorcerer

The Dictator

The Victim

The Shadow Witch

The Addict

The Idiot

The Trickster

The Destroyer

The Slave

The Shadow Mother

The Hag

The Hermit

However, I have my own Shadow Archetype classification, which I will include below.

13 Shadow Archetypes

Here are my thirteen classifications which are based on my own self-observations and analysis of others:

1. The Egotistical Shadow

This Shadow Archetype displays the following characteristics: arrogance, egocentricity, pompousness, inconsiderateness, self-indulgence, narcissism, excessive pride.

2. The Neurotic Shadow

This Shadow Archetype displays the following characteristics: paranoia, obsessiveness, suspiciousness, finicky, demanding, compulsive behavior.

3. The Untrustworthy Shadow

This Shadow Archetype displays the following characteristics: secretive, impulsive, frivolous, irresponsible, deceitful, unreliable.

4. The Emotionally Unstable Shadow

This Shadow Archetype displays the following characteristics: moody, melodramatic, weepy, overemotional, impulsive, changeable.

5. The Controlling Shadow

This Shadow Archetype displays the following characteristics: suspicious, jealous, possessive, bossy, obsessive.

6. The Cynical Shadow

This Shadow Archetype displays the following characteristics: negative, overcritical, patronizing, resentful, cantankerous.

7. The Wrathful Shadow

This Shadow Archetype displays the following characteristics: ruthless, vengeful, bitchy, quick-tempered, quarrelsome.

8. The Rigid Shadow

This Shadow Archetype displays the following characteristics: uptight, intolerant, racist, sexist, ableist, homophobic, obstinate, uncompromising, inflexible, narrow-minded.

9. The Glib Shadow

This Shadow Archetype displays the following characteristics: superficial, cunning, inconsistent, sly, crafty.

10. The Cold Shadow

This Shadow Archetype displays the following characteristics: emotionally detached, distant, indifferent, uncaring, unexcited.

11. The Perverted Shadow

This Shadow Archetype displays the following characteristics: masochistic, lewd, sadistic, vulgar, libidinous.

12. The Cowardly Shadow

This Shadow Archetype displays the following characteristics: weak-willed, passive, timid, fearful.

13. The Immature Shadow

This Shadow Archetype displays the following characteristics: puerile, childish, illogical, simpleminded, vacuous.

6. Have an Inner Conversation

Also known as “Inner Dialogue,” or as Carl Jung phrased it, “Active Imagination,” having a conversation with your Shadow is an easy way to learn from it.

7. Use the Mirror Technique

Ask yourself, “What is mine, what is theirs, and what is both of ours?” Not every triggering situation reveals a projection, but they more than often do. Also look for things you love and adore about others, and uncover the hidden projections there.

#shadow work #witchcraft #mental health #secular witch #therapy

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alternative-thinkers · 4 years

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I know this post is similar to the last one that I posted, but this one is different.

The last post was geared more toward the general population, and most common personalities, and people who have the most common personality traits.

This post is geared toward the INFJ personality type, and most of the knowledge in it has come from an INFJ, and was written by an INFJ (which is me - Marc Alt/Alternative Thinkers). Some of the knowledge in this post is either from first hand/life experiences and some of it has came from research, and from watching videos that have come from other INFJ's who have found there way, who are healthy INFJ's, and who are sharing there knowledge, research, insights, and life experiences with the world. So let's begin!

The Nicest way to be nice to yourself, is to be 100% honest to yourself.

For us INFJ's I know the quote above can be very difficult for us to be able to do. The reason it can be very difficult is because it is hard for us to really know who we are even though when we talk to people we seem like we have it all figured out and have a good perspective of who we are. But in all reality we are kind of lost, confused, and curious to know who we are, what really makes us tick, what makes us happy, what our purpose is, why we were put on this earth, and what our lifes goals really are. That is why most INFJ's are into psychology, spirituality, and also religion.

But to me and some other INFJ's it can be a little more complicated than that. Us INFJ's have a special ability to blend into almost any situation or group like we really fit into the group, but in all reality we don't. This is because we have what people know as a chameleon affect/ability to be able to blend in easily even though we don't. This is one of the multiple reasons why it is hard for us INFJ's to be able to get to know ourselves better, and get to know what one of our main goals and purposes are.

Another reason is because of one of our other abilities is to be a mirror. I know what you are thinking, No not a mirror on the wall, but a mirror for other people. What I mean by a mirror is the ability to be able to reflect other people's emotions, thoughts, ideas, and feelings back to themselves without even knowing. Pretty much when we use our mirroring ability, we are making ourselves invisible to the other person even though we are standing right in front of them. It is as if we are a mirror, hence the name of the ability being called "the mirroring ability". Since we reflect others emotions, thoughts, ideas, and feelings back to them so much, we tend to absorb there thoughts, feelings, emotions, and ideas as our own. and this is why it is hard for us to be to know ourselves better and to be honest with ourselves, because we don't even really know ourselves to be able to do it.

One more reason is because we tend to use our Fe (extroverted feeling) a little too much. When we use our Fe too much it causes us to feel others emotions, and feelings more than our own. When we feel others emotions, and feeling too much, it causes us to lose ourselves in a way, and make it difficult for us to know why we are feeling the way we are, and why we are thinking the way we are. It is because our Fe has sensed someone else's feelings, and emotions that are in the same room as us and it gets it mixed up with our own thoughts and feelings and makes us feel as if they are our own. When we sense other people's feelings and emotions too much we can either get anxiety sometimes, or feel sad, or feel nervous, or even feel sick depending on the situation at hand, and sometimes it can come on as a total surprise to us without us even knowing it.

In conclusion, we have so many wonderful, exciting, and different capabilities that can make us a wonderful person to talk to, or to have as a friend, but sometimes it comes at a cost to us. The cost it comes to us as, is the inability to get to know ourselves, and inability to get to know our purpose in life, the inability to know how we feel about ourselves, the inability to get to know our true self, and the inability to know what our own strengths and weaknesses truly are other than the ones we perceive to be our own but may just be someone else's.

One of the ways we can get to know our self better is to spend more time alone, rather it be in nature or at our home, or where ever we feel most alone. When we are alone we can get to reflect on things that had happened, or things that we have felt or seen, or just have the time to get to be alone with our thoughts and ideas, and get to examine rather they were our own ideas, thoughts, feelings, or emotions or someone else's. When we are alone, we are most at home and are most fulfilled, and happy, and are able to feel the most comfortable, because we are in our own presence.

So to be able to be more nice to yourself fellow INFJ's, we need to be able to spend more time alone, and relax more, or even spend some more time around the people who except you for you, not who they think you are, but who you actually are on the inside. Listen to yourself more. When you feel nervous, anxious, depressed, sad, or even confused/disoriented go spend sometime alone and try to evaluate why you are feeling those feelings. So remember to take care of yourself, and don't over exhaust or over work yourself. You need your alone time, and you are not being selfish, you are being selfless.

I am not a perfect human being, and I do not have all of the answers. I struggle myself with these very same things that I had just mentioned in this post, and every day I try my hardest to improve on them, but sometimes I still fall down and no matter how many times I fall I still get right back up and keep on trying until i get it right.

If you know someone like this, or who is an INFJ personality type, don't hesitate to share this post with them and let them know that you are trying to get to know them better and that you care, because that is all us INFJ's want from you. We want to be understood even though it is hard to understand us, just as long as you try to understand us, you are making a difference and you are making us happy.

Don't forget to like, and share this post if you like it. And don't forget to follow my blogs to see, and read more interesting blog posts like this.

Thank you for reading my blog post, and I thank you for everything you do.

~Marc Alt @ Alternative Thinkers "Think Differently".

#how to be nice to yourself #how to love yourself #the key to happiness is yourself #random thoughts #honest is key #infj advice #infj writer #infj blog #infj #infj thoughts #deep thoughts #alternative thinkers #food for the soul #food for thoughts #food for thought #think differently #things to make you think #thinkdifferent

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muwi-translates · 5 years

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why u should love sanada fucking yukimura

man, this character... is one of the most lovable otome bois i have encountered in a long time,,, because he’s such a loser.

i wouldn’t even call this a character analysis anymore i just spilled all my feels and love for this stupid wholesome boy. thank you to my two biggest sandman supporters, this is all yuu’s fault. @sea-reiusly @snow--blanket

LET’S START. so,,, aside from the fact that he’s cute-dumb; you should love him because he loves you a lot and he deserves love too.

he is the literal embodiment of boyish selfless love.

if iI had to describe him I would describe him as a big red blanket you can wrap around yourself and make you feel safe and warm. or a big spoon of honey; slightly bitter but also sweet.

1) he is mega Friend for Life

first things first; he would be, and is, a good friend - if not to you then to the people he cares about. his whole concept is ‘boy next door’. he is soft, he won’t disappoint you because he cares about you as a person and he worries sometimes even if he doesn’t show it. for example in Shingen’s route he plays messenger for you - he thinks you’re ‘cool’, you’re his pal. he seems like the type who could develop feelings for you but is content just being close to you as your friend and see you happy. despite being told that he’s ‘tactless’, Yukimura actually, not surprisingly, has the ability to read other people, but just sucks at expressing it to you. so occasionally, he ends up proper advice to other suitors if you’re not on his route:

like the time Kenshin was excited to bring you home with him to Kasugayama and you were torn about leaving the home you’ve come to love and your warlord family. to Yukimura, family and friends are important, that is what one of his 'wants' are, after all. he does it for shingen, he does it for his men and the men in the Takeda army.

in a way he’s a bit like your brother too. except Hideyoshi is the clearly caring, wise older brother and Yukimura is your bratty younger brother who would throw a banana at your face, and pretends he doesn’t give a shit about you but that one time he sees you carrying heavy stuff down the hall he takes it from you and calls you ‘weak’ but he just doesn’t want to see you hurt.

if he's not established to be quite as close to you in other routes (Ieyasu/Masamune), he continues to help you on behalf of sasuke. even though you’re a complete stranger to him and he barely knows anything about you background - especially considering sasuke gave him a coverup story and not what or who you actually are. it's moments like these where he is willing and able to separate 'his job' and 'enemy' and do things that would otherwise produce results the opposite of what he’s supposed to be doing (which is actually a point of conflict in his OWN route, which will I will talk about later uwu)

2) ultimate Fam man

Yukimura is inherently a selfless character. he doesn’t care about himself, he only cares about the people around him and what he can do for them. he overworks himself and shoulders all the stress by himself, to take weight off shingen (it's always 'leave it to me, lord shingen!!' from him).

I believe he has a mild form of ptsd as well; he mentally and emotionally cuts himself away from feeling anything in battle to perform his best, he has trouble sleeping at night, and he ends up holding things he’s sleeping with very tightly (eg. you). we also learn from Shingen that:

he was raised to be strong and upstanding, but has problems with adapting, so he puts all he has into what he does, meaning he gets hurt more (EN)

when he has his heart set on things, his conviction lasts for a long, long time (CN)

so, he likes it a lot when he gets to surround himself with people he cares about. he comes off as an ambivert leaning on extrovert, based off how he seems to like hanging out with his men not just as their field commander but as their friend, he enjoys parties and even entertains Kenshin. it’s been noted that he is visibly more relaxed and laughs often around his soldiers - so it’s safe to assume he gets energy by being around the people he cares about, because at least he knows that they’re alive.

in fact, the idea of people around him dying makes him angry. he’s willing to put aside his hatred of Nobunaga to ensure that no unnecessary lives are lost, even if he’s sacrificing himself in the process. they all share the simple dream of one day being able to return to their homeland, and Yukimura expects almost all of them to be able to fulfill that dream together.

so when Shingen insinuates that he won’t be able to be there for that, Yukimura gets understandably worried and angry.

okay, so now we know that he's a selfless iron woobie. what else? as stated above we know that he is actually a closet Sensitive Guy(TM). Yukimura is sensitive to his own feelings, at least. he's a Thinker, he thinks a lot and even overthinks. he is a tsundere to himself - because he's hardwired himself to sacrifice other needs and wants aside from the goals he's set for himself. if it’s not something for the benefit of his dream or Shingen or Sasuke - does he really need it?

he clings onto all the light he can hold onto no matter how small for the sake of his dream - it’s literally defined his life, he’s somewhat dependant on using his body to fight for something or someone and that’s why he’s always moving around doing something. Yukimura also respects other people who have a similar mindset (also his highest criteria when it comes to women; he gotta have something to respecc).

if he didn’t have anything to fight for what do you think would happen? :thinking:,,,, check out chapter 13 of his dramatic route for the answer,,,, it is not pretty :(

3. 95% giver 5% taker (and only after some self-deprecation)

of course his selflessness also applies to his love interest??

even as a lover he's such an adorable loser that makes me want to cry. he is selfless love in the form of a man. he is basically a dog boi. he only wants to take care of you, your happiness is his happiness. he always offers to make YOU happy and not himself first- it's like as long as you're smiling he can keep going, even if he's tired or if he worked all day, he always has time to spoil and coddle you-- if you want all his attention he'll give it to you, no matter how tired or busy he is. in fact, he thinks that its part of the job description, that its his duty to indulge in your desires. even on his birthday, you know the day where HE'S supposed to get something, he goes out of his way to get YOU a present.

the conflict in his route is literally him coming to terms that he wants something for himself, denying himself from his own goddamn happiness. he finds out that you are on the side of his enemies, yet he still wants you because he’s fallen for you - but he tells/forces himself to think that he doesn’t need you after all, because “it wasn’t meant to be” and that he doesn’t deserve you because he brought you to the battlefield. even though he can do exactly what he needs to if you were simply just ‘friends’ or ‘acquaintances’ - the idea of giving himself true happiness by being with the person he loves? nah, fam.

literally the only time he wanted to be selfish for once he slapped himself and said ‘no’. if you didn’t chase after him, the regret would eat at him for a long time, regret that he’ll eventually learn to squash down inside himself and only add to fuel of performing only for others - and not himself.

👏 👏 related analysis: why does he come off as insensitive when it comes to his route? why has he demonstrated that he is actually not Stupid but is also a butthead to you?

answer: defence mechanism - he thinks women are bothersome because they cry. and when women cry he lacks the confidence(?) to use words to comfort them. they embarrass him, he’s a tsundere, he only says things truly from his heart under Very Specific Circumstances where he is completely vulnearable and open (like pre-spice or... some angst situation).

so instead he just falls back to being selfless like he normally is. all he knows is how to care about other people, carry their burdens and wanting them to rely on him. that's why when you're upset at the festival, he just keeps shoving food at you instead of asking 'what's wrong' and going off on that. because his mind is literally just thinking food = good = makes people happy = ok, let's do that then. that's also why he'd rather you be angry than sad. sad is bad because he doesn’t know how to deal with bad except being physically intimate - pretty sure Yukimura would rather die if he had to hug every crying woman he ever encountered.

conclusion: he’s just a lost, lost boi who doesn’t know how to comfort people so he sacrifices himself and puts others ahead of him using actions - he pampers, he lets people vent out on him, the works. what a fucking wholesome loser who needs to love himself for once.

👏 👏 end of insensitive boi in love analysis

there’s a part of Yukimura that is actually a bit insecure. it's odd because he’s usually so confident in himself, and so proud, but he’s also so self-deprecating? under that tough boy exterior is just a boi who wants to be loved. he wants someone who will be there for him and support his stupid ass. he uses himself to hold up everyone else's burdens, but sometimes there's nobody that might be able to do the same to him. he wants someone to come home to, when he's stressed and wants some loving because otherwise he'd hole up his emotions and explode-- if he didn't have Shingen and Sasuke there with him.

his route sort of expresses the fact that Yukimura has never experienced a ‘mature love’ before, or a love where he imagines a life together with them. crushes, probably at some point in his life. sexual experience? how can he not have any??? but mature love? questionable.

these moments are few and far between because its not explored quite as much, but when they do...

he says things like "don't leave me, i'll prove that i'm the man for you." (bitch doesn't have to prove jack shit, he literally radiates with Care and Love) and “I need you”. he just doesn't want you to disappear on him.

why’d you think you decided to leave without telling him? bitch would fucking fight the sky to keep you with him.

he's scared to lose you because he's finally found someone who is willing to accept him and taught him that its ok for him to be selfish for once and do things for his own sake and his own happiness. what he wants most is to just come home and eat food with you together. every encounter with you is precious to him because you rarely see each other. he wants to spend time with you. he doesn't like it when things cut into plans that seperate the two of you- but he doesn't mind it if plans didn't run as expected as long as he still got to spend the day with you. even if he's busy, he lies to go out with you to do things that YOU want.

he’s finally come to find some happiness outside of work and outside of how he already copes - that alone is special to him, whether you end up as his friend or as his lover.

so basically:

you should love this guy bc he is mega Lovable and radiates warm Energy,,, he will always care about ur dumb ass one way or another.

#ikemen sengoku #cybird #ikesen #ikesen yukimura #Sanada Yukimura #by the way i fucking love this loser a lot #if you couldn't tell #i stan him so much #he deserves so much love #big loser muscly boi

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notintheipswichboyband · 5 years

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Neutral Evil Trope

"For mine own good, all causes shall give way."

— Macbeth

One of the nine alignments from the best-known Character Alignment system. Sometimes known as the "Asshole Alignment" or "True Evil". Characters of this alignment fit neither end of the Law–Chaos axis, hence "Neutral", but they land at the morally worse end of the other, Good–Evil axis. Their methods vary; just as the Neutral Good character will ally with anybody to do what's right and nobody to do what's wrong, the Neutral Evil character will ally with anybody as long as it advances their own interests — and it is all about their own interests. These characters do not respect other people as people like themselves with feelings and needs; rather they are tools or obstacles inferior to the Neutral Evil, to be used for their advancement. Neutral Evil characters are intrinsically selfish people, regardless of whose side they are on, and as a Token Evil Teammate, they may sell out to the bad guy if it makes achieving their goals significantly easier.

Some of the world-shaking ones may seek to tear down an old order, good or bad, to set up their own order — not because their way is better, or for the pleasure of tearing it down, but because they want to be in charge. They will do it using any means at their disposal. To a Neutral Evil character, honor, standards and keeping your word is all well and good, so long as it doesn't get in the way. If their opponent is honorable and decent, that's great because they can exploit it. They are very prone to saying, "I Lied".

While they are usually villains, they can also switch to the good guy's side for a while, if it's better for them at the moment. True Magnificent Bastards of the Neutral Evil persuasion can sometimes (with a little luck) lure other villains into an Enemy Civil War, usually along the lines of Order Versus Chaos — playing Lawful Evil against Chaotic Evil — and cleaning up at both sides' expense.

Neutral Evil is, usually, the most dangerous type of evil to fight. Typically, neutral evil characters are The Unfettered, though that isn't to say they follow no code but rather only follow rules or codes that benefit them. Neutral Evil characters will use the law if it suits them but will throw it away as needed for their purposes. What can make them very dangerous is that, the intelligent versions of this trope, tend to be strict followers of Pragmatic Villainy. Ultimately, what matters is what they want and will cross any line to get it.

Neutral Evil types can come in a variety of different flavors:

Type 1: Neutral over Evil — These characters are amoral and commit evil for self-serving, but not necessarily malicious purposes. They tend to be in it for money and power but (generally) eschew motives like revenge or sadism, viewing them as barbaric or simply unprofessional, if they regard them at all; that does not mean they'll always, or ever, stop their bosses, partners or lackeys from indulging in such behavior, though, and they are usually prepared to Kick the Dog or perform Cold-Blooded Torture as a means to an end. Perhaps they are a Punch-Clock Villain, or maybe they believe there is Better Living Through Evil, or perhaps they are Blessed with Suck and their talents happen to lend themselves to evil (like, say, a talent for professional hits). Essentially, this is anyone who would be a True Neutral if not for the lack of conscience or empathy, or their practice of putting either aside to further their own ends. A type 1 will either not understand the difference between right and wrong, or understand but choose wrong anyway, perhaps justifying it with Necessarily Evil, or perhaps simply not viewing the whole Good and Evil thing to be of any special importance in the first place. On the other end of the scale, this can ramp up to Scary Dogmatic Aliens or Eldritch Abominations and anyone else operating on Blue and Orange Morality or Above Good and Evil, but who are just culpable enough to still qualify as evil.

Type 2: Evil over Neutral — These characters, in contrast, are immoral and deliberately evil. Egotistical, selfish, malevolent and sadistic, they recognize the difference between right and wrong (at least superficially) and willfully and gleefully choose wrong. But this does not make them Chaotic Evil, since they get the same amusement from using orderly or chaotic techniques. They are likely to do bad things just For the Evulz. Some are made of Jerk Justifications and try to justify their actions with insincere What Is Evil? or Above Good and Evil arguments; many others are Card Carrying Villains who revel being the bad guy and will boast about all the horrible things they have done or plan to do.

Type 3: Balance Seeker — These characters on the other hand are egomaniacal; they believe that they are the good, or even The Hero, and evil either doesn't exist or is whatever they don't like. These guys might recognize that the rest of the world has different ethical standards from them, but those standards are for lesser mortals and they will obey them only when it is convenient to do so. Often elitist and smug with a grandiose sense of entitlement and self-worth, they often think The Hero thwarts their plans out of jealousy, ignorance or spite and often fail to understand altruism or selfless behavior. They treat the bulk of humanity with indifference if not utter contempt, even if they regard themselves as a Well-Intentioned Extremist, believing themselves to be the center of the world, perhaps sharing it with a handful of semi-worthy competitors and everyone else exists to serve their needs or glorify them. Others don't care about the common person at all except as means to an end, while some are simply the Misanthrope Supreme and will shut themselves off from the trash that is mankind; or, worse, take a Kill 'Em All approach to Put Them All Out of My Misery. A Type 3 is fully capable of doing heinous or petty things For the Evulz and can be extremely sadistic and vindictive; they just won't consider such acts to be evil (at least, in general) because they feel they are entitled to do them.

Type 4 characters are devout- they are actually devoted to the cause of Evil (or similar sinister concept, eg. the Dark Side, Crime, Death etc.) and seek to spread it wherever they go. A Type 4 serves the resident God of Evil, seeks to open the Sealed Evil in a Can, or is the most fervent and sincere follower of the Religion of Evil, as well as actively opposing the forces of Good and going out of their way to do so. Others are more philosophical or political and advocate destructive, bigoted or Straw Nihilist creeds. The nuttiest of this type even believe Bad is Good and Good is Bad and think that normal or heroic characters are the true villains while applying Insane Troll Logic to demostrate that the "villains" are actually good. In spite of this servile approach, most are just as selfcentred and egotistical as any other Neutral Evil type; this often manifests in the real or delusional belief that they are "special"- perhaps The Chosen One, the Dark Messiah or even The Antichrist-, and they might view other followers as useful pawns or hated rivals. Some simply become addicted to Black Magic or assign religious meaning to torture and death; others are more mission orientated and come to serve as agents of dark powers or simply try to spread as much misery or death as possible. Though sometimes portrayed as cartooshily evil, the most serious of this type make very dangerous villains, as they truly do Evil for its own sake, and not (just) evil for the sake of themselves.

In practice, Neutral Evil often simply means "Evil", so Lawful Evil or Chaotic Evil are simply cases where one of the above types meets Lawful or Chaotic Neutral inclinations.

Neutral Evil can be the most dangerous alignment because such characters are willing to step on, betray, take advantage of, hurt, and kill other people to reach their goals and get what they want. The Neutral Evil have no difficulty working with others so long as their own needs are met. However, they also have no difficulty betraying former companions if there is some gain in doing so. They are also extremely susceptible to bribes.

In Dungeons & Dragons, characters who are selfish above all else are Neutral Evil by default.

If you have a difficulty deciding which alignment a evil-aligned character belongs to, the main difference between Lawful Evil, Neutral Evil and Chaotic Evil is not their devotion to their evil wishes, but the methods they believe are best to realize it:

Even though there are some situations where they can't always use this method, Lawful Evil characters believe the best way is to have a specific, strict code of conduct, whether self-imposed or codified as a law. Their first impulse when making a moral decision is to refer back to this code; those with externally imposed systems (codes of laws, hierarchies, etc.) will try to work within the system when those systems go wrong. Depending on whether they are more Lawful or more Evil, they will either refuse to break the code even though it would hurt their evil objectives, or else break it only very reluctantly, and only when it would hurt their evil objectives if they kept their code.

Neutral Evil characters are indifferent to Order Versus Chaos, and their only interest is in realizing their evil wishes. They will use whatever means will help in realizing their evil wishes, whether that means tearing down a code of laws, following a code of laws, creating an orderly society, causing the breakdown of justice, or staying away from society altogether. Their only goal is to realize their evil wishes, full stop.

Most Chaotic Evil characters don't constantly break the law, but they cannot see much value in laws (or, for weaker-CCEs, do not see the value in laws that do not function solely to their depraved objectives). They believe that their own evil impulses are their best guides, and that tying themselves to any given code of conduct would be limiting their own ability to realize their depraved wishes. They do not get along with anyone who tries to instill any kind of order over the Chaotic Evil character, believing these people to be restricting their freedom; Chaotic Evil characters often focus very strongly on their own individual rights and freedoms, and will strongly resist any form of oppression of themselves.

See Also: Lawful Good, Neutral Good, Chaotic Good, Lawful Neutral, True Neutral, Chaotic Neutral, Lawful Evil, Chaotic Evil

Examples of Neutral Evil villains:

Abusive Parents (if not Lawful Neutral or Lawful Evil)

Most villains who follow Ambition Is Evil

The more self-centered Amoral Attorney

Villainous versions of Beneath the Mask (especially seemingly nice characters).

Bullies, when not Lawful Evil.

The more villainous Byronic Heroes go here.

Some examples of The Caligula. (When not Chaotic Evil).

A good amount of Card Carrying Villains, when not Chaotic Evil.

Villainous cases of Chronic Backstabbing Disorder, as this is often associated with these type of characters.

Con Man: Those who aren't Chaotic Evil (Or, at their most sympathetic, Chaotic Neutral)

Some Corrupt Corporate Executives (if not Lawful Evil) who are motivated by greed and personal aggrandizement.

Cruella to Animals

Most evil Blood Knights if not Chaotic Evil

Many Dirty Cowards

Evil Chancellors who use illegal means to gain power.

Evil Colonialist (If not Lawful Evil)

The Evil Debt Collector when not Lawful Evil

A less lawfully bound Evil Overlord (example: Voldemort, Emperor Palpatine, Skeletor).

Some Faux Affably Evil characters when not Lawful Evil

The Heroism Addict (falls under Type 3)

Glory Hound and Glory Seeker, if not Chaotic Evil

Jerkasses

The Killer Game Master, cause he loves to see their players suffer

The most egomaniacal and self-centered Knight Templars (Type 3)

Les Collaborateurs

Many Generic Doomsday Villains, although they can be Chaotic Evil as well.

Mad Scientists that turn into Evilutionary Biologists and/or do things all For Science!

More amoral versions of The Neidermeyer

Not-So-Well-Intentioned Extremist

Politically Incorrect Villain (if not Lawful Evil)

Many Straw Nihilists

Most of the more amoral Professional Killers who are Only in It for the Money: Hitmen, most more sinister mercenaries, and most evil Bounty Hunters.

Most Psychos For Hire, when they're not Chaotic Evil

The Religion of Evil

Most Omnicidal Maniacs that aren't Chaotic Evil

Most Woobie, Destroyer of Worlds that aren't Chaotic Evil

Many Classic Villains

Most Pragmatic Villains

Many Magnificent Bastards

Many Narcissists, particularly the ones with the lack of empathy and propensity for manipulation that characterizes the personality disorder

The Ego of an evil-aligned Freudian Trio.

The Starscream, when not Lawful Evil.

Most organized Serial Killers

Slimeballs

Rather vicious versions of the hedonist, when not Chaotic Evil.

The Smug Snake or Big Bad Wannabe.

The Sociopath: Those who aren't Chaotic Evil (Type 2-4).

Most Sociopathic Soldiers

The Barnum, if not Chaotic Evil

The Quisling when not Lawful Evil

Evil Poachers

Evil Vigilante Men

Those who engage in War for Fun and Profit.

Most evil Yanderes that aren't Chaotic Evil

The Stool Pigeon: The Betrayer Barry variant is used as example of the alignment in the Player Handbook 3th Edition.

Can be either Red or Blue Oni depending on personal preferences.

Others, such as the Big Bad, can vary between Lawful Evil, Neutral Evil, and Chaotic Evil.

Expect any Neutral Evil state to be Mordor, and a Neutral Evil city the Wretched Hive. Neutral Evil characters are likely to be Unfettered. If they are, they can also be the most lethal kind of villain, as the most extreme kind of neutral evil (not Chaotic Evil like one might think) is what gave rise to the concept of the Omnicidal Maniac (though most Omnicidal Maniacs tend to slide into Chaotic Evil by the end). Many Corrupt Corporate Executives are Neutral Evil Jerkasses in charge of Lawful Evil MegaCorps — it's easier to get ahead in business when you cheat. Unlike a Lawful Evil CCE who'd fly into a rage over somebody else's infractions, Neutral Evil sorts rarely care (as long as they themselves stay ahead) — a suitably Affably Neutral Evil businessperson might even applaud a fellow cheater's "initiative."

#Info #Chase #Neutral Evil #Skies #He switches from 1 to 2 I swear lol #Way too often #though DOES it matter?! XD

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ruwithmeguys · 5 years

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Do you agree with certain comparisons that were made when the flush was in s1 that Iris is a better version of LL, and that TF saw what a disaster zone LL was and went about making IW what LL should've been for Arrow? By extension, WA being a better CB canon ship than LL/OQ even though Iris and Barry were friends prior to the pilot and didn't have any of the cheating, lying elements that made up Lauriver. I'm asking as someone who has stopped watching TF since early s4.

What I agree with is that the flash, like arrow, had certainrequirements that it needed to fill. Unlike with KC in Arrow, Candice actuallyshared some chemistry with their chosen hero and she’s made a decent Iris. Theirlove story wasn’t toxic, but shared similar traits with arrow: the so-called lovetriangle, though I’ll argue that Iris didn’t exactly show any interest in barry,especially when Eddie was around, and the whole mask verses man idea. Arrowcame first. Arrow was the basis for Flash; I would have been surprised if therewere no similarities.

I don’t think it’s a copy of S1 Arrow. I thinkthat, like Arrow, there was a comic-canon ship that they could choose to use,abuse or destroy.

Arrow went one way (destruction), Flash went another (use).

When I first watched, I was actually pretty sure that theywere going to follow Arrow’s route in terms of pairing barry with a non-comic character.Why? Because it had been so successful with Arrow with Olicity and… I felt the wholeBarry/Iris thing was kind of forced: not because Iris was awful, but because themore it was pressed, the less it made sense to me. Comic canon has rarelymanaged to be translated well onscreen.

Also, you don’t just suddenly sprout intense feelings for the guyyou’ve seen as a brother your entire life.

However, Arrow took a leap of faith in generating a fresh, new epic love that made was organic and it paid off bigtime. Flash doesn’t have this capability. So they had Barry do the worst thing:become a selfish hero who is beloved. Then they paired him with an altered Iris. He changed everyone’s lives because hemissed his mother. Iris became a woman who had ‘always’ seen him as a romanticpossibility, which just isn’t true. In erasing history, he changed Iris withouther permission therefore eradicating any of the progression she’d made. Like itor not, that’s disgusting. It’s why I stopped watching, past S2’s horrific script. Yet, for some reason, Flash fansenjoy this.

S2 followed Arrow quite a bit really. The hero had a fewromantic relationships before changing course at the end, except where Oliverchose to allow himself to feel his love for Felicity amidst his sacrifice and be selflessness, barry chose the opposite route. In S3, likein Arrow, Barry decided to go full speed ahead with iris. Unlike with Arrow,Barry chose to have his cake and eat it whereas Oliver made life hard forhimself. Flash S4 followed Arrow S4: Iris and Barry moving ion together and soon and so forth. You COULD say that the writers mimic Arrow but removed anythingwhatsoever that could possibly damage their relationship. From what little I’veseen, as lovely as I/B appear, there’s something very unrealistic about themtoo. There is no way that Iris would have been so understanding over the halfthe shit he’s pulled but apparently that just makes her ‘supportive’. To me,it makes her an addition rather than a flesh and blood character. Untilrecently, Flash felt very much like a male show but then they started to neglecttheir male characters too. Maybe Arrow has influenced me: this is just myopinion… and it’s difficult to pair a puppy like Barry with anyone. He’s notexactly what comes to mind when you speak of passion, of deep love, of gettinghot and heavy and whilst a lot of fans pretend that sex isn’t everything, it isa HUGE deal in terms of television. Barry and Iris might have been what O/llcould have been… IF Oliver had never cheated, if ll had never been blind and bitter, and ifOliver had actually been in love with her.

There is no comparison between the S1 O/ll possibility and the Iris/Barryship.

There IS a comparison with the way the epic ship of bothshows has run: there is a lot of similarities with the course of Olicity andWestallen.

Even of S7 Arrow and S5 Flash has started with the additionof children – and before anyone insinuates that for the very first time Arrowhas copied Flash, please remember that Arrow’s writers knew that Mia would beadded before the started filming S7. If Flash writers state they don’t bunkerdown with the arrow writers, they’re lying.

Flash has always fed off Arrow: Arrow gave birth to it, soit makes sense that F would follow a similar trajectory.

But I don’t enjoy Flash – it’s generated the worst type ofhero, treats its characters worse than Arrow ever has and it has an audience thatapplaud it. No thank you.

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fatherofmachine-a · 7 years

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All righty, I feel like it’s REALLY necessary to talk about some things. It’s a really important thing imo to understand this because it seems like so many people don’t & I assume it’s because Harold’s personality type is DIFFICULT to understand for most people. Feelings & emotions tend to come in second place with Harold, that’s just naturally how his mind works ; he’s able to put his feelings aside entirely & avoid making decisions based on them ( we’ve seen a few times where he snaps a bit or he gets rlly nervous but that’s when he’s under very heavy stress, like when he snapped at Root whilst she was holding him captive & forcing him to watch her torture someone. like ... out of all the things most people would’ve done, a slight sharp retort is super mild & Impressive ). He’s a logically thinking person which, to a lot of people on the outside, seems to suggest that he’s HARSH or even insensitive & like ?? In several cases he is kind of harsh, blunt....but there are TWO things to remember.

1. If Finch’s harsh / stubborn opinion is proven wrong, he’s going to own up to that. He’s going to change his opinion & he’s going to apologize, if necessary. One particular STUBBORN opinion is his paranoia about The Machine, which he expresses throughout the series ( albeit it lessens with time ). & I’d imagine many people are like Finch just trust her already because that has crossed my mind before & I can also see how people could think he was being unkind & insensitive to her ( which I’m not saying he wasn’t exactly, he was, but.... *gestures to the next sentence* ). THE THING IS....there’s an extremely good reason for this. WITHOUT Harold’s extensive paranoia, The Machine likely would’ve turned out like Samaritan. The Machine is the way she is because Finch wanted to make 500000% sure that she would NEVER turn to do things that he was terrified she might, given that’s how DANGEROUS AI’s are naturally. As he’d said, AIs are born with objectives. They’re not born with empathy or any sense of Good & Evil.

Throughout the series, Harold is seemingly insensitive to The Machine & he distances himself from her ( especially so by avoiding using specific pronouns, which he does something SIMILAR to everyone by using their last names. It’s like a defense mechanism but he does let that slip & it shows how much he does care & how attached he is imo ). He doesn’t do these things out of malice or ill intent, he does these things because he’s RIGHTFULLY terrified of the things that could go wrong, of how he could be tricked if he decided to blindly trust his creation ( literally every version of The Machine except the one that remained tried to trick &/or kill him ok ). Which is why it’s SO GOOD that he & The Machine finally have a long time to talk because she proves how wrong he is, how WRONG he is to doubt his own ability that created her & how truly TRUSTWORTHY she is, as he hoped she would be. She is his vision but he constantly doubted himself i think...& as she explains how she’s able to LOVE, he very clearly realizes how wrong he is & i feel like that’s a point where he accepts how wrong he is ( i dont know if he ever got to express that, but tbh I would love to write that discussion omg ). HE’S SO PROUD OF HER. & in regard to Root’s opinion of him & The Machine, she helped him trust The Machine & helped him let himself love her whilst Harold helped Root regain her humanity & they basically developed a father / daughter dynamic i cry about. bUT ANYWAY 2. Harold is selfless to a damn fault. Everyone’s lives matter so much more than his own & he expresses how much he doesn’t want people to risk their lives for him SEVERAL TIMES. Some would say that him recruiting everyone to save people ect. was a selfish thing but like?? Every single one of them became a BETTER version of themselves ( the Machine showed what life would’ve been like without his influence / the Machine & certainly one or two of them weren’t bad but it shows how GOOD of an influence him & the Machine were honestly ) & every single one of them WANTED to be there ‘till the end, they KNEW they might die but they were in for the ride anyway EVEN IF Harold asked them not to sacrifice themselves. He cares very deeply for those whom he slowly, eventually trusts & to say that he doesn’t just because those feelings aren’t spilling out of him is just .... ???? His guilt for ANYONE’S death indirectly caused by him is immense. He literally drowns in it & that’s illustrated very clearly to me ( “ Does survival’s guilt pass when everything is in fact YOUR FAULT ? ” ) but he & I have similar personality types so I might just understand how he thinks easier than some, idk.

He realizes how wrong he is AGAIN by assuming people’s lives would be better without him, because he’s not important enough & their happiness & safety matters more. But he sees how not better off Grace is without him through time & how he assumes Reese wont come looking for him when Root captures him but HE RELENTLESSLY GOES AFTER HIM & Finch may have hoped a little bit that Reese would come for him but he didn’t expect it. The numbers are more important. The Machine doesn’t try to help Reese find Finch initially bc FINCH PROGRAMMED HER NOT TO. Even to the very end, he tried to sacrifice himself but Reese & The Machine out-fox him because they love him & they don’t want him to sacrifice himself. He’s so IMPORTANT to them & he has a hard time understanding how important he is to those he’s close to.

So, with these things in mind, it boggles my mind that anyone would even for a second consider that Harold Finch didn’t care that he indirectly caused the deaths of people he loved or that he didn’t try to STOP them from getting killed, because he did try. He did the best he could, given the circumstances. He absolutely made MISTAKES & he certainly wasn’t always in the right, he was wrong about a lot of things but he owned up to the things he was wrong about & to his mistakes.

#I DID SENSE MY PRIVACY BEING INVADED. ( headcanons )#BUT ONLY IF THE PEOPLE WHO HAVE ACCESS TO THE INFORMATION ARE AS INTERESTED IN PROTECTING IT. ( meta )#( IT STILL MAKES ME MAD THAT PEOPLE THINK FINCH DOESNT CARE & 'HAS TO ALWAYS BE RIGHT' LIKE ???? WHAT ARE U TALKING ABT )

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melrps · 7 years

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SHORT BIOGRAPHY: RONAN SHEELY

important trigger warnings: any interactions with ronan include the possibilities of containing content such as alcohol, death, drugs (including overdoses), sex (consensual & unconsensual), & suicidal thoughts (occasionally). if any of these topics are triggering or even just uncomfortable, please either let me know so that i can find ways to avoid them during roleplaying with you or do not plot with ronan.

PART 01: QUICK FACTS

basics

birth name: ronan jude sheely nicknames: > preferred: ronan or ro > also goes by: really anything honestly birthday: june 29th, 1992 age: twenty four occupation: drug dealer / escort membergroup: pianissimo face claim: dylan o’brien [1]

family & relationships

mother: isobel sheely (deceased at 27; sixteen years ago) father: unknown sibling(s): > brother, 24: first sheely (??? twin??? idk) sexual orientation: homosexual romantic orientation: homoromantic commitment level: negative fifteen (however, on the extremely extremely extremely unlikely chance he were to commit to someone, he commits for life) current partner(s): > clients (if they even count) > casual friends/enemies with benefits > future romance: first aritza (being made by kayla) prior partner(s): > same as above - minus first aritza (no prior serious relationships)

personality types

western zodiac: cancer myers briggs: isfp element: earth hogwarts house: ravenclaw ilvermorny house: thunderbird divergent faction: dauntless temperament: choleric (melancholic tendencies) sin: lust virtue: humility

PART 02: MINI SHIPPER

> he was born to a mother addicted to drugs (who also had a taste for alcohol) & completely unprepared for taking care of one kid, let alone twins. the first eight years of his life revolved around cps showing up, taking him away, & his mother earning custody back - only for the process to repeat. it ended only because ronan found her dead of an overdose when he was eight. but after that, he spent the rest of his childhood in the foster system, failing to ever end up with people who wanted to actually keep him, & constantly fighting to stay with his brother rather than be separated.

> ronan & his brother were on their own at eighteen, & he never finished high school (having dropped out his junior year). he struggled working dead end jobs, & already struggled with his own developing drug addiction (slowly transforming into a very similar version of his mother). he’d been dealing drugs since he was fourteen, & by time he was twenty he’d ended up working as an escort just to keep a roof over their heads (even if that roof was falling apart).

> he’s extremely slow to ever trust anyone, & refuses to ever tell his secrets (the most anyone knows about his past is that his mother died & he grew up in the foster system). it doesn’t help that his social skills are flat out awful, & quite frankly, he just doesn’t care anyways. ronan’s typically more of a “wallflower” type, & typically on the quieter side - always intense, always watching, always picking up on things from his position on the outskirts. he only socializes when he feels the need to, which isn’t very often. & since he struggles significantly to make friends, he doesn’t see much use in even trying.

> it doesn’t help that he’s got anxiety issues, which affect his ability to interact with people & form even the slightest friendships. but, he covers that up with his callous, blatant facade that he puts up - along with the never-ending sass that constantly spills from his mouth. he copes with everything by using drugs (cocaine is his poison), to the point where he’s essentially always high & has absolutely no idea how to function without them. without drugs, he doesn’t know how to stop the panic attacks or stop himself from completely shutting down for long periods of time. the only other thing that helps is sex - but that’s something which has ceased to be pleasurable for him (at this point, he only knows how to be a thing for people to get off on, & has forgotten what it’s like to actually have sex that he enjoys).

> but when he does manage to relax around someone, he starts to change a little. deep, deep down, he’s a rather bubbly, childish adult who grew up too fast & never got to be a kid. he can get excited easily, & loves to joke (he’d be a great class clown). but few people only see very small portions of this, & only two or three people will ever see this part of him completely. once he does make a friend though, he’s loyal to a fault, & would kill for the very few people he genuinely cares for. while he is selfish, he’s actually utterly selfless for those very few people, & would go as far as sacrificing his own life for them. (though the value he puts on his own life is very little, & the four overdoses he’s had in the past seven years are arguably partial suicide attempts - not that he’d ever admit that.)

PART 03: FUTURE REQUESTS

request 01: escorts

> long story short, the other escorts that ronan “works” with - all males, all under twenty five (perhaps there’s one or two over twenty five who look younger - as though they’re in their very early twenties). also, i’ll be requesting the guy who “owns” the “company” (as if it’s even legal) - a guy who really doesn’t give a shit about anything except making money. the escorts get sent to clients (almost always male clients who are on the wealthier side - & essentially always clients who are looking for sex) & are expected to do whatever the client wants - the only time they don’t have to is if what they’re told to do by the client will land them in jail or in the hospital. the “boys” typically don’t interact much with each other outside of their jobs, since forming friendships together is discouraged by their “boss” (& ends up always serving as an uncomfortable reminder of their job).

request 02: misfit friend group

> so this last one is just a fun potential idea i like to do considering ronan actually has very few genuine friends. basically the few genuine friends he would have would be part of a misfit friend group - basically a group of people around 19-26 who ended up in a group through just... meeting various members of the group throughout their childhood & bonding. all of them (except perhaps one, maybe two) would come from very rough childhoods, where they spent more time outside of home avoiding it, & banded together as they grew older. at least half of them would’ve known each other before high school, & ronan probably showed up during high school (due to being bounced around the foster system) & ended up in the group. at least a few others would’ve joined the group after high school. they get into trouble regularly, party, drink, have sex, & so on. i’ll explain the dynamics in better detail when the actual request goes up though, because i have much more specific ideas for the dynamics of this group! (the following request’s character would also be part of this group.)

request 03: female best friend

> aside from ronan’s twin, this girl is essentially the only other person in the entire world (well, also aside from ronan’s future romantic plot) who ronan genuinely trusts a lot. they’ve known each other anywhere from 4 to... perhaps 8 or 9 years (basically they met either in high school or after high school - perhaps she went to college & met ronan because ronan deals a lot at college parties, though he doesn’t attend college obviously). i do lean a little more towards them only having known each other for 4 or 5 years though. but they know each other extremely well, & although they tend to butt heads a lot, it’s never serious & they never take it personally with each other. she’s the only other person on earth aside from ronan’s twin who knows a significant amount about ronan’s past - & she’s got her own dark past that she keeps hidden, but ronan knows a lot of it too. she’s extremely outgoing, stubborn, cocky, aggressive, ambitious, spontaneous, & independent - essentially “the bitch” type. she’s typically the one dragging ronan out to be more social. at one point, they accidentally slept together when ronan was completely shitfaced & she pretty much was too, & now laugh about it (since she’s the only girl ronan’s ever had sex with). she’d be either gay or bi/pan/whatever (but with a preference for girls). if nobody takes this before i write an official request, i’ll include some more detail about their friendship & dynamic in the official request.

#hftwrp #c: ronan sheely #character #male #biography #request #moodboard #OK LOOK I KNOW IT'S ACTUALLY NOT SHORT FOR SHIT BUT #JUST ROLL WITH IT OK

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snkret-photography · 5 years

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Symbiosis

The manner in which we attract people has always stirred an interest in me during late night insomnia. What is it about the people around us, those we gravitate to? What drives that attraction? Especially in light of the fact in the realm of friendship, opposite attraction isn’t one we typically employ. As a matter of fact, nailed down the nuances of the person, similarity is a more appropriate measurement. But still, the question plagues me: why are these your friends?

For background, I have sourced the worst descriptors as a pompous, manipulative, egotistical, selfish bastard who can’t spare the thought of being anything short of a bitch without the slightest refrain for people’s feelings. People had nice things to say but who cares, we live for the drama so let’s be a little dramatic. And I find the nastier descriptions are more derived from the fact I really enjoy being the bitch in a given situation. I fucks with a good argument. Debates are healthy. Keep that same energy because even when I’m not mad anymore, I fucking will. To the point of shrewd descriptions, neither I nor my closest and even not closest of friends would describe me as such... all the time. Which launches the paradox of the descriptions of people I’m interacting with. Makes you question if everything is just an act. (Maybe in another post).

I have upbeat friends. Like super upbeat, positive, nurturing, give back to the world, selfless friends. The kind who you really want to punch in the face because who can afford to be that positive all the damn time. The type of friends that anytime you just bought yourself something really expensive and unnecessary, they just donated an equal amount to help the less-fortunate and your bank accounts looking the same right about now. My friends are nothing short of everyday role models and God’s top angel brigade. And that is VERY contrary to my entire attire. Like I’m crabby… on Saturdays. I wear a frown proud to Friday meetings and adorn the crown of misery to add a length of black to every setting. I’m mean and vicious without rhyme or reason and quick to put you in your place if I assume you’re stepping one toe nail out of the lines I’ve drawn for you. I don’t greet strangers and generally when people meet me, it’s after being given some spiel about how I won’t like them and they need to be prepared for me not to be receptive. In fact, I believe I touched on this before but it’s always someone giving anecdotes of me. Only in work settings am I really ever “the positive” one but that’s more so because I enjoy working and have no problem entertaining a conversation. But work isn’t necessarily the place where I go to make friends and quite frankly, when I’m out with friends, I don’t want new ones. How Drake say it? No new friends, no new friends, no new friends, no, no new.

I got COMPLETELY sidetracked… my friends…. annoyingly positive angels. Yes. I am not. Also yes. So why do we click? I don’t really know but you’ve read this far so you might as well let me put this philosophy minor to use and jump to a conclusion. Balance. I mean, that makes total sense. We balance each other out. I provide a dimmer view of humanity and the happenings and my friends provide a light. Now, here’s how I got to this theory:

For things to have a balance, and a proper balance is key, there needs to be homeostasis derived from a symbiotic relationship. In an age where I can substitute the physical presence of a person with a Facetime call or back/forth text conversation, symbiotic develops a much looser meaning. But alas, we depend on each other for something that allows us to live and create homeostasis. But none of my friends are positive or super heroes in the same manner. I have friends that are legit saints and others that are strictly positive but damn they sin. So the relationships we have differ. When I call on them, it’s often for different reasons. I have closer and deeper relationships with some over others but I never discount the value they add. My friends are people I actually grow with and can count on when I’m headed into a new venture. There is even the ones who inspire me to try something completely out of my wheelhouse and take risks. My friends are also HIGHLY emotional and damned be if that shit ain’t draining. But that’s where the symbiosis comes in because your boy is a logic fiend. I make pro/con lists for big decisions and simply make lists and posts it for everything else. Exhaust your options, make an educated decision, whole nine every time.

Having a preference for logic often times makes me more pessimistic and fearful of my own emotions. A creative who don’t fuck with emotions… that don’t even type right. But I am highly in-tuned with the emotional states of other. I just often don’t care to operate there so the bitch you get. After years of sugar coating and making feedback palatable has left me in a position to simply give information however it comes to me. Take it how you will, just focus on what I’m saying over how I’m saying it. Those with sensitive friends will know that this approach does not go over without some push back. Why you always got to be so mean? Why can’t you be more sensitive? Why can’t you make better decisions because I know we’ve had this conversation before. And it’s always over a dude. Like sis, date yourself. Bro, jerk the fuck off. And yet, my friends still lean on me for emotional support or creative feedback because, and I quote, “you’ll always tell me what I need to hear, regardless of if it’s what I want to hear.” AND YOU GODDAMN RIGHT. Something I’ve noticed among my friends is that because of how nice and pleasant they are, people often times don’t give them bad news, or at least show a reluctance to. They try the whole, compliment then take a jab or dance around the subject or good news/bad news. They bullshit. There are enough bullshit people in this world, a little brute honesty and realism would carry us all quite far.

So I give it to them straight and they keep me positive. Opposites attract theorem. Best I got? Not quite. And I shall broaden this to a population topic despite an improper sample size and no control variables in place. (Did I ever mention I really love science? Like not just concepts, lingo and all fields except chemistry.) It is more in the factors of nature vs nurture and runs inline with our own interests. The natural inclination of man is towards survival and survival in social context refers to friends and lovers. The whole opposites attracts theorem is derived out of the concept of balance but also from the point of differentiation. We are naturally inclined towards those different than us in the gene theory that to breed stronger offspring, more variables need to be in the equation to give the child the ability to survive in conditions. The inception of a child is a 2 part system of dominant genes and mutation. I want to nerd out and really get eloquent and quote some shit but I shall simplify it to the example of a parent with seasonal allergies and one without, the hope is the offspring won’t have them. This theory loops in well to Darwinism, the strong shall survive, and thus the idea is to breed for strong genes. This theory, mixed with century racism also led to a lot of in-breeding as aristocratic family lines believed that “pure” blood was the way to keep genes strong and ensure a strong bloodline. West Virginia and Staten Island both share the fall-out of that belief, high autism rates. When you mix similar genes, it’s not really the trade one over the other nor mutate to a better gene, but rather mutate to a dysfunctional gene. In a friendship setting, we often see two people who are very much alike. You know the common tale of the girls joined at the hip and the bromances. But often times, in friendships where there is a distinct difference in the perceived personalities of the friends, we go with the opposites attract theory. Now broaden it. It’s not always that they are distinctly different. Often times the two have very similar personalities and interests yet the approach to the outside world is different. Which boils down to how they were raised and the beliefs they hold. But at their cores, they share a lot of the same characteristics. Even more so, and to my point, it’s the idea of interest. We always have our own interest at heart, even in altruism. The fact of giving back to someone without physical return does not discount the emotional return that is exchanged. You can trade a good for a service. And if you have ever taken NYC subways, you know you can sub a dollar for a smile. We often times invest in friends that we know have our best interests at heart. I give blunt advice, not necessarily because I have something to gain but because without a full picture, you cannot make an informed decision. We should all be out here making informed decisions. My friends give hope and kindness, which is not bountiful in this world. They are optimistic and caring and go out of their way to make sure I’m good. So I feed on the hope they provide and they make more informed decisions. Together, we navigate life knowing that we can fall and get up on our own… but we don’t have to.

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shibashiharuka-blog · 6 years

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Branch’s Perspective - Ch 7

Branch's Perspective

Description: The Original Trolls Story from Branch's Perspective as he battles with his feelings for Poppy and struggles with his lifelong depression over losing everyone he loved and held dear. A few extra scenes have been thrown in to help better understand everyone's favorite grumpy grey toll. A Broppy FanFic.

Disclaimer: I do not own Trolls or the plot, it belongs to Dreamworks Productions

Chapter Seven

Poppy and her friends were able to complete Bridget's transformation fairly quickly. Branch had agreed to help, but hadn't necessarily contributed anything yet. He made himself comfortable atop the scullery maid's head but did not include his hair with the others. He simply sat down close to the troll princess and couldn't help but glance at her from time to time while she danced. He was careful not to let her entrance him, he could gaze at her all day, but he didn't want to rise any suspicion while they were surrounded by her friends so he remained poker faced, and tried not to get annoyed while she sang and danced with the Snack Pack.

The group ventured out into Bergen Town, and Bridget was catching everyone's eye. Branch had to give her credit for overcoming her nerves by ignoring most of the stares she received and continued on with her search for King Gristle, he was never one to feel comfortable in the public eye and probably would have retreated back to the comforts of his own home by now had he been in her shoes. But… having just opened up about his past to everyone, he was starting to think that maybe… having friends and enjoying company even if it caused a judgmental eye, wasn't so bad after all.

"Oh he's so beautiful." He heard the bergen gush and realized that she had been able to locate the King's whereabouts fairly quickly. Branch glanced through the colorful troll hair and peered into the window only to cringe immediately the moment he saw the bergen king. His confidence wavered a bit as he looked upon King Gristle shopping for a bib in preparation for this dreadful holiday he had hoped he would never have to experience ever again. Why… why couldn't they have run away and escaped when they had the chance?

"And so are you." Poppy complimented the scullery maid; unfortunately her compliment didn't seem to have the effect she hoped it would have.

"Ohh, he'll know I'm just a scullery maid!" Bridget worried, almost acting as if she were about to bolt back to the castle.

"No, no, no, no!" Poppy cried in an attempt to calm her down and prevent her from running.

"Ahh I gotta get outta here…" Bridget continued to worry as she looked in all directions in search of an escape.

"I'll be right here for you Bridget. We all will." The troll princess reassured the bergen. This statement seemed to calm Bridget down.

"You'll tell me what to say right?" The bergen questioned.

"Of course I will." Poppy reassured her again.

"Of course I will." Bridget repeated and Branch had to contain a chuckle as he listened to that exchange.

"Just wait until we get inside." Poppy commented before hiding herself back inside Bridget's 'wig'. Branch glanced at Poppy as Bridget regained her composure once again. He might not ever be able to understand it, but Poppy's willingness to help anyone, even her enemies, always astonished him. For a princess, she was never selfish she always gave so much of herself to ensure everyone's happiness, and it made her happy to do it. In a way he admired that about her, it was a trait of hers that reminded him so much of his beloved grandmother. His grandmother had always selflessly given so much of herself not only to him, but to so many other troll children in the days she was alive that many trolls of Troll Village still reminisced about her to this day. Of course his grandmother and Poppy were still two very different trolls of whom he loved in very different ways, but he still could not help but notice this similarity between the two. It was probably one of the very reasons Poppy was able to get through to him in ways no one else ever could.

The bell signaling entrance into the store chimed as Bridget cautiously entered Bibbly's, immediately King Gristle could be heard whining like a spoiled child, so much so that no one had even bothered to notice her presence right away. Branch could only roll his eyes in annoyance at the spoiled bergen king. Boy was he grateful Poppy never acted this way, she may be naïve to the bad things that can occur in the world, but she really was the most selfless, caring, loving princess he has ever come to know, and while an exchange occurred between the two bergen's Branch could help but take a trip down memory lane.

-Flashback-

Ten years… it's been ten years now since he turned grey, and ten years since… Grandma Rosiepuff passed away. He was fifteen now, his bunker now complete except for a few 'homey' touches he supposed but wasn't too eager to add them any time soon. His real problem now was… other trolls, he had gotten to that age where bullying was becoming a problem no matter where he went. Bullying was not considered 'troll-like', in fact it was very much frowned upon, but unfortunately it still happened, and it seemed most of the time he was the main target. Most of the kids don't remember anymore why he was grey and so depressed all the time, and if they did remember they chose not to mention it. To them, he was different, to the other troll kids he wasn't 'normal' and because of that, he was picked on.

He was used to it by now; words could never be as painful as the loss he suffered ten years ago so he could live with it. But… some kids were starting to get physical, and he knew it was time he drew a line somewhere before it escalated any further. Unfortunately he wasn't sure how…

His ears suddenly twitched and he picked up on faint snickering not too far behind him. He sighed closing his eyes, why couldn't they just leave him alone. Not wanting them to find the location of his bunker, he made a sharp left turn and began gathering some localized herbs in the area. Soon he could hear something whizzing by him and dodged it easy, casting a glance to where the object had landed he could see that it was a stone. Restraining the urge to snap at them, he continued his work ignoring the bunch, they attempted several more times to strike him with more stones, but he was quick to dodge and they missed him each time.

"Oi! Grumpy!" Finally one of them called out to him, rolling his eyes he still continued to ignore him.

"Hey! Don't ignore us!" The troll barked, suddenly Branch found himself forcefully shoved to the ground, all the plants that he had just gathered scattered everywhere. Branch laid there for a moment deciding whether of not he should stand up to this group of bullies who had now targeted him, but remembered that his words always fell on deaf ears even when he wasn't being bullied. He pushed himself up from the ground stood once more, he didn't even glance at the group who pushed him down before he turned his back toward them and continued gather the herbs once again.

"What's wrong Grumpy? Cat got your tongue?" One of the trolls teased behind him.

'Just keep ignoring them Branch, they'll leave eventually.' The grey troll reminded himself.

"Yeah aren't you going to tell us to run away? That we'll be attacked by a bergen if we hang around here?" Another troll mocked him in a monotone voice.

'Bergens aren't the only thing you should be afraid of out here.' Branch responded in his mind as he continued to increase the distance between him and them.

"HEY!" The same troll who told him not to ignore them earlier shouted, his voice was menacing, terrifying, it made the grey troll freeze in his tracks. It actually seemed like this troll wanted to inflict harm upon him, something he had never encountered before. He had never done anything so horrible to any troll that he would deserve that type of behavior from someone, so why…

"I said don't ignore us!" He barked again, and this time because Branch was so frozen and disoriented with fear, he did not notice another stone coming toward him, much larger then any of the others that had been thrown at him before. That large stone struck Branch right in his temple and the pain from the strike caused him to crumble to the ground again, his hand flew up to grasp the affected area and immediately noticed that blood had been drawn. Branch then felt the presence of the other trolls much closer then they had been before, but before he could react one of the trolls kicked him hard in the stomach, Branch felt the air rush out of his lungs and he coughed as he tumbled into a fetal position.

"Better get up Grumpy… or we'll…"

"Get away from him!" Branch heard someone scream, unfortunately he was in so much pain he could not register where the voice was coming from. Whoever it was, their voice caused every troll hovering over him to freeze in shock and fear, Branch soon understood why when a familiar pink color suddenly flodded his vision. Branch felt his heart begin to race as the princess stood in front of him to protect him.

"What do you think you are doing?!" She demanded, the grey troll glanced up at the pink trolls face, his heart literally stopped beating. A look of anger he had never seen on her before was plastered on her features; the hard glare she was shooting at the group of bullies was sending shivers down his own spine. Why was she so angry for someone like him? Her voice then dropped down an octave as she spoke in warning to the group who attacked him.

"What you've done is unacceptable in my Troll Village and you better believe my father will be hearing about the actions you have taken against Branch." These words caused the group to step back, the troll who had struck Branch with the stone attempted to speak up.

"W-we didn't…"

"There is nothing you can say that will change my mind. Leave here NOW!" She shouted, silencing him instantly. They all turned around to leave and once the troll princess was sure they had disappeared from their sight she dropped to her knees in front of him, her anger now replaced with intense worry.

"Branch are you alright?" She spoke softly, her hand reached out to gently touch the wound on his temple, he flinched in pain the moment he felt her touch and Poppy quickly retracted her hand.

"I'm so sorry Branch…" She whispered, as she reached an arm around his shoulders to try and help him sit up. He allowed her to do so, his mind still reeling at the actions she had just taken to protect him. Why would she do something like this? She never left him alone sure, and always tried to include him in everything, but he never imagined she would go this far for him. He just couldn't figure her out, he was always so mean to her, so harsh, if someone had treated him the way he treated her he didn't think he'd ever be able to stand up for him or her the way she just did for him. Once he was sitting up, he finally found the will to speak.

"Why… did you do that for me?" He asked, unable to look at her directly. She didn't answer right away, when he peered over at her it seemed as if she were shocked.

"No one likes me. You… you could end up disliked, or worse hurt for what you just did… You should just… let me be…" He answered truthfully. She shouldn't get involved with him; she shouldn't try to get close to him. He couldn't give her anything she wanted or deserved and the only thing getting close to him would offer her was pain.

"I can't do that!" She shouted making him jump a bit. She said it with such determination he could no longer find the words to speak, he could only watch her with shock.

"I don't care what others say. I like you Branch and no one deserves to be treated that way!" Branch felt the air leave his lungs again, but this time it was for a completely different reason. This young princess was only ten years old, still just a child, and yet her she was speaking to him with more maturity and determination then he'd even seen in some adults. Not only that, but she was willing to fight… for him.

"Branch I don't know why you lost your colors but…" She looked away from him seemingly embarrassed; her cheeks even flushed a deeper shade of pink causing his own cheeks to flush slightly with embarrassment.

"And I won't force you to tell me… but… I hope…" she was silent for a moment. It appeared she was trying to figure out if she should say what she was about to say, it didn't take long for her to come to a decision and she soon turned to face him again with a bright smile.

"I hope one day you will be able to tell me… that you will be able to… confide in me." Branch's eyes widened in surprise, he could feel his heart in his throat beating rapidly and couldn't find anything he wanted to say. No one… no one ever said anything like that to him, no one ever cared. But Poppy….

"Until then I promise to protect you!" She declared and Branch could no longer look at her. He was too embarrassed, his heart felt as if it were about to burst out of his chest. He… he was in love with her…

"Come on." Poppy was standing now, holding a hand out to him to help him up.

"Let's get you cleaned up." Normally he would not have taken her hand… normally he would say something harsh, tell her he's be fine on his own and head back to his bunker without another word but right now… he couldn't find it within himself to do that… he knew he should but he couldn't push her away. Without meeting her gaze he accepted her offered hand and allowed her to help him up. Smiling the entire way, she did not let go of his hand until they arrived at her Pod which was dead center in the middle of the village. She invited him inside so she could tend to his injuries and or the first time ever, Branch paid no mind to all the stares they received from the rest of the trolls.

-End of Flashback-

"And who might you be?" The bergen king asked as Branch came back from his trip down memory lane, it appears the female bergen had worked up the courage to speak to him. She had started to falter when the king had asked for her name, Poppy and the rest of the Snack Pack were also unsure of what to say.

"You're name is um.. uhhh…." Poppy had turned around to look to him for help, but he could only return a surprised look. It was difficult to come up with something like that on the spot.

"Lady." Biggie started which didn't seem too bad.

"Glitter?" Guy Diamond added.

"Sparkles!" Smidge added confidently, what the heck kind of name was that? King Gristle was never going to buy that!

"Seriously?!"

"My name is Lady Glitter Sparkles…seriously." Bridget you weren't supposed to repeat that! At this rate they were going to be found out!

"Well, my Lady Glitter Sparkles…" What the heck he bought that?!

"Haha! Would you care to join me in an evening at Captain Starfunkles roller rink and arcade?" Was this really happening right now? Poppy's plan was actually working! This bergen just scored a date with the King!

"Would I!" Bridget responded initially with confidence, but hesitated a moment later.

"Would I?" She questioned Poppy.

"Yes you'd be delighted." Poppy reassured her.

"Yes you'd be delighted." Bridget repeated, Branch rolled his eyes at this response but paid no mind to it understanding that this was just how Bridget was, it seemed the King didn't mind at least and although he gave a curious glance now and then he seemed to go along with Bridget's act.

"Oh… indeed I would." Well the date was settled, but Branch couldn't help but feel slightly impatient, he didn't completely understand Poppy's entire plan and where she planned to go from here, and if he was being honest he didn't really want to be an attendee to this date Bridget was about to embark on. He had confirmed with himself that he sympathized with Bridget because she was in love with someone she thought she could never have just as he did, but now that she had scored the date and he was still the same as he ever was, he was having mixed feelings.

"When are you going to ask him about Creek?" The grey troll practically spat the purple trolls name as he faced the troll princess who stood right beside him.

"Well we have to warm him up first. Don't you know anything about romance?" Poppy asked him almost mockingly, almost as if she knew he wouldn't know anything about it. What she didn't realize is deep down, there was more to the grey troll then what meets the eye but he wasn't ready to show that side of him to her yet.

"Of course! I'm passionate about it." Branch replied sarcastically.

"Really?" Poppy responded honestly in disbelief, had she seriously not been able to pick up on when he was being sarcastic yet? Plus he was a bit offended that she really didn't think he could be romantic.

"Don't you know anything about sarcasm?" Branch deadpanned.

"I think I had a sarcasm once." Cooper chimed in with an unwanted comment; obviously not understanding what sarcasm was either. So maybe Branch had never been on a date in his entire life and he really could not consider himself an expert in romance, there was a little something that Poppy did not know about him... something no one knew, and that was the way he felt about Poppy, and how he expressed those feeling through words in private. Over the years his feelings for her would sometimes become overwhelming, especially on the days she really expressed and showed him and everyone else that she really cared about him. He needed a way to express these overwhelming emotions without Poppy ever knowing about them so he began writing his feelings down. It was incredibly therapeutic even if it did sadden him at times that he would never be able to express these feelings out loud, but even so he truly believed he was actually a great poet and songwriter, he never would have learned that about himself if it wasn't for her.

As Branch's thoughts wandered to the book of poetry and songs he always kept close to him at all times, he found himself absentmindedly touching his hair almost as if he needed to reassure himself that something that held great importance to him was still safely tucked away. Once he became aware of its presence, he once again found himself wishing he could admit his love for the troll princess one day, the tug in his heart once again making itself known. But although he wished for it, this time he didn't find himself getting depressed that he would never be able to admit those feelings to her one day. This confused him a bit, he always felt he could never be the troll she needed him to be, even if it were possible that he could actually become that troll, if he really is still alive, Creek was still in the picture, so even if he could become that troll one day he would never win against Creek… so why did he feel hopeful that he could? Shaking his head to rid of those thoughts for now he noticed King Gristle and Bridget had already arrived at their date destination and were enjoying their meal.

"Bridget!" He suddenly heard the troll princess still sitting beside him chide the scullery maid.

"Compliment him back!" She urged.

"I like your back." Branch face palmed… Seriously? Did Bridget or any of the bergens for that matter know anything about romance? He was starting to grow worried that this wasn't going to end well for her and them.

"No! I meant… say… something nice about him." Poppy was beginning to fumble, unsure of how to make Bridget understand her intentions properly.

"But I do like his back." Bridget answered innocently. Okay… that response confirmed Branch's suspicions… As far as romance goes, Branch was pretty sure he knew more about it than any of the bergens.

"Eh?" King Gristle responded confused, giving her a curious look.

"Um, uh…"

"Poppy! Help her…" Branch urged, King Gristle was starting to think something was up, if they didn't do anything soon this would be all over.

"Uh… your eyes… uh…" Poppy gagged a bit as she tried to look at King Gristle and attempt to pull a compliment out that she could feed to Bridget. Unfortunately this task proved to be a bit harder than any of them had anticipated.

"Ooh your… ears?..." Poppy was at a loss, it was obvious that she was unable to compliment someone she didn't personally find attractive. She was honest and Branch loved that about her, but that honesty was about to get them into serious trouble here.

"Your eyes uh.. ears uh…" Bridget started repeating after Poppy.

"Nose!" Biggie was the first of the Snack Pack to try and lend a helping hand.

"Skin." Chimed in Satin and Chenille.

"Neck." Copper included.

"Skin, neck, ears, nose, face uh your head…" Bridget was starting to loose track of everything being said and couldn't keep up.

"Are you okay?" This entire scene was starting to look ridiculous and the King had finally started to notice.

"Your teeeeettthh." Why was Guy Diamond singing right now? Branch covered his eyes with his hand and sighed, if someone didn't do something quick it was all over.

"Teeeeettthh."

"W-What's going on?! Are you making fun of me?!" King Gristle was ready to leave, clearly offended by the scullery maid indecisiveness and very confused by the entire situation at the moment.

"Your eyes!" Bridget shouted and paused for a moment when she realized that Branch was the one helping her. Clearly it was not a move she expected from him, and honestly Branch was surprised he was doing this right now himself, especially for someone of a race he considered an enemy for his entire life. But at this point someone needed to do something before they were found out and by now he knew Bridget had no intentions of hurting anyone, they all knew they could trust her. For him, it was simple to picture Poppy in this moment, instead of personally complimenting the bergen king, and recite one of the many poems he had written about her and memorized.

"They're like… two pools, so deep… I fear if I dive in…"

"I might never come up for air."

"I might never come up for air." Bridget was repeating his words confidently now, good it seemed he was able to smooth this situation over. At this point he was also well aware that everyone's attention was now directed at him, he knew everyone was probably incredibly surprised by him right now, he was acting in a way that was typically unusual for him but at this point there was no turning back now. So, brushing off the feeling of being watched he allowed his feelings for the troll princess to overflow and began to get lost in his own poetry as he continued.

"And your smile… the sun itself turns jealous and refuses to come out from behind the clouds…"

"Knowing it cannot shine half as bright…" King Gristle, seeming to have calmed down now, sat back down in his seat and smiled at the scullery maid.

"I kind of do have a nice smile… don't I?" Upon hearing this question Branch turned to face the troll that these words were truly meant for.

"Yes… you do…" A smile, sweeter then he had ever seen before formed on her lips as he watched her and Branch felt his heart pound in his chest. He was not expecting her to react that way toward him…

'Oh snap…' Did he just… Did she realize that those words he spoke were actually meant for her? What did he just do? What should he do now? Shyly he tore his gaze away from Poppy who was gazing back at him so lovingly. It was another look he never expected to receive from the princess; there was no way she could possibly…

Branch halted those thoughts from developing. Poppy likes Creek… Branch reluctantly reminded himself, and while he still had doubt that Creek was still alive at this point, he knew he was not the troll who could take that purple trolls place in Poppy's heart. Whatever the outcome may be, Branch had vowed to stay by Poppy's side right up to the end whether it was good or bad, he vowed to be there for her and make sure that beautiful smile never left her features ever again, even if it would never be meant for him.

"I can't believe I'm about to say this…" Bridget began without any prompting from any of the trolls.

"Guys she's going rouge!" Biggie worried.

"But… being here with you today… makes me realize that… true happiness is possible." Bridget's words did not only surprise and move the troll princess… they had stirred something deep within the grey troll as well. It seemed those words were the exact words he needed to hear to realize that hope and happiness was always bubbling deep, deep down inside him. Poppy had started to bring that hope to the surface once again on their journey, and Bridget's words had finally, truly made it known. If these bergens… a race that was known for living in misery, could find happiness without eating a troll… then maybe… just maybe Branch would be able to find happiness again as well. Maybe it really was okay for him to be happy… glancing at the troll princess his heart began to race again, she'd been saying this to him for twenty years, that everyone deserves to be happy, even a troll eating race like the bergens, it wasn't until this moment that Branch finally started to really believe those words as well.

"It is! True happiness is a lot closer than you think." King Gristle mentioned as he scooted to sit closer to the scullery maid.

"It's right here." He whispered suggestively as he leaned in close to Bridget and rested his hands on the gem holding his cloak around his shoulders. Branch was beginning to grow suspicious upon realizing the bergen king was not speaking of the happiness they were thinking about. What was he talking about?

"Ohmm that's… pretty I guess…" Bridget relented, obviously not interested in the King's gem he was now holding out to her. He seemed to pick up on her uneasiness and continued.

"What do you think now?" He added as he opened the locket to reveal…

"Creek?!" Branch shouted in disbelief.

"I knew he was alive!" Poppy breathed. Branch was now in complete shock, he was no longer paying any attention to the events occurring on Bridget's date. He was so sure that he had not been wrong about this one, from what they witnessed there was no possible way the purple troll could have lived and yet… here Creek was, being held hostage within the bergen king's locket this entire time. He just couldn't wrap his head around it and had no idea what possibly could have happened for the situation to turn out this way. At this point now, whatever hope he had at being able to maybe one day have a chance with Poppy were now completely crushed…

Branch was finally pulled from his thoughts when he felt himself, along with all the other trolls bring lifted into the air and away from their positions on the scullery maids head, completely exposing them for anyone to see. He quickly realized that Bridget and King Gristle had moved out onto the roller rink and a fancy spin had been the cause of this situation, he scrambled for anything to grab onto to while the rest of the Snack Pack held on tightly behind him and found himself reaching out to grasp the pink trolls hand who had been able to grab hold of the scullery maids hair. Branch and Poppy held on tightly to each other while Poppy tried to think of a way to rescue everyone. Bridget had been able to buy the group some time by sending the bergen king into a fancy spin of his own before he was able to look behind him and notice something was wrong.

Acting quick, the troll princess yanked on Branch's arm hard and was somehow able to pull everyone back safely onto Bridget's head again, although it wasn't very graceful. While the rest of her friends landed behind Poppy, Branch found himself landing right in the troll princess' arms, the grey troll was unable to contain the pleased smirk that formed on his lips upon realizing this. The pleasant moment didn't last long unfortunately as everyone quickly got back into his or her places once again. By the time King Gristle turned around to face Bridget again, it was as if nothing had ever happened. After that incident the two bergens continued to dance with one another and truly started to enjoy the time they were sharing together, that is until a bone chilling voice could be heard echoing through the restaurant.

"Your Majesty." Everyone literally froze, including Bridget as Chef rolled over to the bergen pair in her own pair of roller skates.

"You seem to be having… fun." Chef mentioned seeming a bit bewildered and confused. Unfazed by Chef's presence King Gristle responded.

"Oh I am! Meet… the lovely Lady Glitter Sparkles." Gristle introduced Bridget, and Chef eyed her very carefully seeming to pick up on something that didn't seem quite right.

"Hm… you remind me of someone…" While the rest of the trolls began to shake with fear upon hearing this comment, Branch stood his ground among the group, preparing to act in case the worst was about to happen.

"She's uh, gonna be my plus one." King Gristle chimed in confidently, breaking the awkward silence and relieving the slightest bit of tension.

"Oh I see." Chef acknowledged the King, before redirecting her suspicious gaze on the scullery maid once again.

"For a moment I was concerned you were… changing the plan." Branch could tell Bridget was beginning to loose her resolve, King Gristle had been able to ease the Chef's suspicions slightly, but Branch could tell that the Chef was still aware that something wasn't quite right about the female bergen standing beside King Gristle.

"Well this won't be a problem at all your Highness. I'll just get my worthless scullery maid to get another place setting for the lovely lady… Glitter Sparkles." That confirmed it, she was onto them, and they needed to get out of here… fast. While the bergen king grabbed Chef's attention once again Branch whispered harshly to the scullery maid.

"Bridget run!" Without a second thought, Bridget immediately acted on the command and raced out of the roller rink before King Gristle could even finish his sentence.

Bridget was able to make it back to her room in the castle safely and unnoticed. Rolling in on her one remaining roller blade, she soared around her room feeling like she was on cloud nine. She then pounced onto her bed excitedly, scattering the trolls who had been resting on her head, around her on her bed.

"Hah!" The scullery maid signed dreamily.

"I think the king really likes us!" Cooper exclaimed as he turned to face Biggie who was lying beside him.

"I know right!" The large blue troll responded.

"That was the greatest day of my life!" Bridget proclaimed like a giddy schoolgirl in love, before rolling over onto her stomach to face the troll princess. Branch couldn't help but smile at the scullery maid as well, he'd actually felt happy for her, his uneasy feelings from before now gone.

"Thanks Poppy!" Bridget acknowledged her, and the pink troll simply smiled at the happy scullery maid while nodding her head.

"Thanks to all of you!" She gestured to the rest of the Snack Pack before facing the grey troll who was sitting on the end.

"Even you I guess." She added less enthusiastically, Branch face fell with that comment. Hey, did she seriously forget who it was that pulled her out of that sticky situation when no one could figure out how to compliment the bergen king and who it was that told her to flee when Chef was bearing down on them! Branch glared at her but before he could retort the scullery maid had redirected her attention again.

"I just never thought that something like that could ever happen to me and it just did! I'm so excited I could just scream!" The giddy bergen continued before quietly exclaiming.

"Ahhh!" Oh well, Branch decided to let her comment from earlier slide, there was no way he could dampen the great mood Bridget was in now.

"Oh! I could scream too!" An ecstatic Poppy chimed in as she bounced to her feet. Branch glanced at her and smiled warmly, feeling truly happy that everything she had hoped for was coming true. Wait… happy… for Poppy?

"Creek is alive! Yay!" Poppy and her friends began to cheer, and even Branch hoped onto his feet to join in.

"Aaaahhhh!" Suddenly, he noticed he could no longer hear everyone else cheering anymore and stopped to find everyone starring at him. Great… what had he done now?

"Branch what's wrong?" Poppy asked him, voice tinged with worry.

"Nothing, I thought we were celebrating." The grey troll answered honestly.

"That's your happy shout?" Cooper asked in disbelief and Branch was finally able to realize what had caused everyone to stop. Way to bring a guy down guys…

"It's been a while." Branch deadpanned. Thankfully though, his spirits were lifted again as Poppy approached him stating.

"Well you're gonna have plenty of practice, cause we're gonna save Creek and life will be all cupcakes and rainbows again!" It was strange, here was the troll he loved more than anyone else, getting excited over Creek… the one troll who could infuriate him like no other… his only rival and yet… he wasn't annoyed he wasn't even jealous. Actually he had found himself smiling at her, seeing Poppy smile happily and act worry free again after watching her silently battle her anxieties and nerves over her friends the past two days was exactly what he had been wishing for this entire time. Her never wanted to see her upset, scared, sad or worried, her smile was perfect and she deserved to be smiling happily from her heart all the time.

"Up top!" He teased and the princess actually fell for it just as he anticipated that she would. Right as she brought her hand up to meet his, he quickly pulled his away.

"Too slow." Poppy looked back at him with shock, but the shock was quickly replaced with the same beautiful smile she wore when he had recited his poetry for Bridget and he could easily read that she was happy for him. He could not help but return her smile as well, probably revealing to her the first warm smile he had ever let loose in a long time. Something within him had changed when he opened up to her before they got Bridget ready for her date with the King. Happiness was beginning to make itself known within his heart again and the grey troll realized the source of his happiness… was Poppy's happiness… even if that meant she wasn't meant to be with him. He was able to come to the conclusion that even though he might never be able to reveal these feelings he felt for her, it would be okay as long as she was happy. As long as he could somehow always contribute to that happiness even if it was just as a friend, it would be enough for him as long as he could always see her smile. The tug in Branch's heart that he always felt toward Poppy when he thought this way began to make itself known again, but he was growing used to needing to ignore it, he knew now that as long as Poppy was happy, he could be happy and he could never ask for anything more.

"Okay everybody! Let's go save Creek!" The troll princess exclaimed, and the rest of the trolls were quick to follow her lead. But just as they were about to approach the door to exit the room…

"Ah! No!" SLAM! Bridget had inserted herself between them and the door, blocking their exit. What was she up to?

"You can't leave! Lady Glitter Sparkles is gonna be that King's plus one at dinner!" Bridget frantically explained, Branch cocked an eyebrow at her reasoning.

"The dinner where they're serving troll? Yeah… I think we're gonna have to skip that one." Branch responded before starting to make his way toward the door again.

"No! No, you have to help me be Lady Glitter Sparkles!" Bridget pleaded with him as she landed on her stomach in front of them to get down to their level.

"I need you!" She begged, Branch couldn't find the words to say, luckily Poppy did.

"You don't want to pretend to be someone you're not forever." The princess standing beside him stated, attempting to reason with the scullery maid, unfortunately what they were trying to convey just wasn't getting through to her.

"Then… how about just for tomorrow?" The young bergen pleaded again.

"Bridget, you don't need us anymore. You and the king can make each other happy." Poppy pleaded back as well, and Branch could tell she was starting to worry that the scullery maid wasn't going to let them go.

"That's impossible!" Bridget spat, seemingly offended as stood back up again.

"Only eating a troll can make you happy! Everyone knows that!" The scullery maid cried as she ran back across her room and threw herself against the collage she had pinned to the wall above her bed, she then slid down to her knees and tore the photos while proclaiming.

"I wish I'd never gone on this stupid date!" Well this was quite the mood swing that Branch was witnessing. Had this bergen learned nothing? Did she not remember herself stating that true happiness was possible without eating a troll? This was useless; there was nothing more they could do for the scullery maid if she herself refused to open her eyes as well as her heart. Branch knew that better than anyone, but Poppy on the other hand...

"Bridget…" Poppy called to her softly, attempting to console her.

"Just go! Get out of my room! Leave me alone!" Bridget cried and turned away no longer able to face the troll princess.

"Please listen!" Poppy pleaded, but Branch began to back away and tried to think of a way to get Poppy to go with him as well, the rest of the Snack Pack had already gathered behind them.

"BRIDGET!" came that bone chilling voice once again. That was their cure.

"We've gotta go." Branch urged as he backed away from the scullery maids room along with the rest of Poppy's friends.

"Bridg…"

"Come on." He knew better than anyone else, Poppy was having a hard time leaving the scullery maid alone like this, he knew every fiber of her being was aching to help her out in some way no matter how much Bridget tried to push her away. But with the threat of the Chef having now returned to the castle they had no other choice, right now they needed to leave.

"What's going on down there! Bridget! Scrub that dish!" A dish struck the hysterical scullery maid on the head.

"The King's bringing a plus one!"

"Yes Chef." Poppy lingered a bit longer, but upon realizing that there was nothing she could do for her new friend right now she too, although very reluctantly, retreated from Bridget's room to catch up with the rest of her friends.

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