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arotechno · 2 years

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there is a certain subset of queer identities—aromanticism and asexuality and their related spectrums of identities perhaps being chief among them, at least if we're talking about widely used umbrella-type labels—that the larger queer community, by and large, views as secondary or auxiliary identities that don't warrant the same... real estate, i guess, as "regular" queer identities.

i'm not interested in playing the identity politics "who is oppressed the most/more deserving of attention?" because (a) it's irrelevant and (b) i'm a white american so i REALLY don't have a horse in that particular race. what i AM interested in is the apparent bias that many people have against aspec identities and the fact that the overwhelming majority of people seem to view aspec identities as "lesser" queer identities.

i'm not talking about, like, current legislative battles or things like that (see previous paragraph). i'm talking about the frankly patronizing way that aspecs get treated when we try to talk about literally anything that affects us. you call someone out for an aphobic comment and you get accused of "making it about you" or you get told something that boils down to "well i'm a REAL gay so i can say what i want and your feelings don't matter." even in a less insidious sense, other queer people have often spoken to me like i don't Get It because i'm not REALLY queer. it's like being told to go sit at the little kids' table while the adults are talking. it's frankly insulting to try to talk about something and have your inbox flooded with a dozen people all telling you that YOUR problems are less important and no one cares and we have to deal with "real" queer people's problems first and then we can deal with you and your silly complaints.

again, it's not a contest. but i've had people i love say things like "queer women" in front of me and know they mean wlw (shoutout to straight trans people by the way, this is one of our common struggles 🤝), and when corrected people stumble over themselves to avoid saying they only meant REAL queer people. even if they don't realize it. they see aromanticism and asexuality as lesser forms of queerness that don't need to be mentioned unless the situation specifically calls for it. "queer" by default to a lot of people means a very specific thing. and it shouldn't. because that defeats the whole point of the word as a community term.

#i hope this isn't too rambling????#aro #aromantic #op #long post #oh i'm gonna get absolutely raked over the coals for this one aren't i

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etheries1015 · 5 months

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Sorry, I overread it (It's currently 10pm where I live, I've been up since 4am, and my anxiety is kicking. Requesting things from people I never requested before is hard >.<)

May I request Riddle, Kalim, Idia and Malleus reacting to finding out their crush is trans-masc? Either by reader telling them or them finding out by accident

Never apologize for asking questions and sending asks! Please take care of yourself, get lots of rest, water, and sustenance <3

Finding out you're trans-masc

Featuring: Riddle, Kalim, Idia, Malleus

WARNINGS (please read): I'm a cis woman and I CANNOT stress enough that I may not be able to portray this as well as someone who actually identifies as such! I did do research ahead of time to make sure I try my very best to capture the essence of someone who identifies as trans-masc, but everyone's experiences are different. If I, in ANY way shape, or form, used incorrect terminology/representation or mistakenly offended anyone, please educate me so that I become more knowledgeable and can build my understanding. Other than that, I hope I did well in writing this for you to enjoy <3 Thank you for your time and for the request <3

Riddle

The topic came up during the first time you had gone to an Unbirthday party. Being misgendered by Riddle, you spoke up gently to inform him of your disposition.

"I'm...well, I don't use She/her pronouns." You shrugged. Riddle pursed his lips in frustration at his own confusion, he hadn't met someone falling under the LGBTQ umbrella before, he was incredibly sheltered and closed-minded for a long time due to his mother's teachings.

"I see..." Riddle nodded, "Then, please explain it to me so that I may not make the same mistake twice." He was eager to learn more about people and their experiences, especially learning about someone he found himself becoming more and more attached to.

Spends an entire night reading upon such topics- he was very quick to adapt and correct people around you whenever he found they did not address you properly.

"Does it bother you?" You had asked him once out of pure curiosity, and his response was with furrowed eyebrows and confusion.

"And why should it? It does not matter what you identify as. You are still (y/n). You are not your gender, and not your sex. You are..." He blushed deeply, you smiling to urge him on. You knew about his crush on you, of course, yet he seemed to be far too shy to admit it yet.

"You're..." He hesitated, "failing this class. G-get back to studying! quit getting distracted with silly questions or it's off with your head!"

You loved seeing him open his mind to many different concepts and treat you no differently than anyone else (minus some favoritism, hehe <3)

Kalim

It was actually Jamil who brought it up in conversation. The topic of "LGBTQ" came up, of course, Kalim understood the basics of people who identified as gay, however when the term "trans-masc" came up in regards to you, he was incredibly eager to learn more.

"Trans-masc? I thought they were (y/n)?"

"Kalim- no-"

It didn't take long for him to easily come around to the new terminology. You maybe gave him a 10 minute crash course before he accepted it face value.

"I see...so one day you're going to be by my side not as a queen, but as my royal spouse!" You were flabbergasted at his brazen comment. With a red face, you hadn't time to react before his hands were already around you in a deep hug.

"Haha! Oh, right! The pop club has a new song, wanna listen to it?"

He loves you no matter what. The most understanding and unconditionally in love person to exist, the definition of sunshine

Might overshare sometimes. He will bring it up sometimes to other people (if they misgender you) and give THEM a crash course on it! You love that he is so passionate about you, though. xoxo

Idia

He knew. He is chronically online, he knows all about it. When he first met you, he even asked what your preferred pronouns were.

I don't really know what else to say for Idia, he honestly doesn't care who you identify as. You play video games with him and give him love, that's enough for him!!

Can take it incredibly seriously If someone misgenders you or tries to bully you about your identity, his hair turns a fiery red and he turns gives them a whole one hour lesson while belittling that person calling them as intelligent as a soggy piece of bread.

The other person is crying by the end of it, but honestly nobody deserves to be treated disrespectfully like that.

actually how he confessed his crush to you, lol. In a fit of rage to someone who wasn't being very kind... "How dare you treat the one I love like that, you stupid normie piece of-" Realizes his mistake, face turns red, turns to you (whos face is also red)

"ummm.....Nevermind!" He runs away, but there was no getting away from you heuheu

even though he can be shy and kind of tsundere in public, he can be really passionate and will defend you at a moments notice and educate other people who are, as he puts, less than him.

In private? Sitting in his lap playing video games

Malleus

Actually, learned this from Idia. It was during class when the topic of LGBTQ came up, and when speaking among the students he over heard Idia telling ortho about your disposition as trans-masc.

Immediately came to you

"Child of man, what is 'trans-masc' and why did Idia use this term to describe you? Could you elaborate?" You two decided to take a stroll around the forest where you spent hours talking about all sorts of different people and the terms they used, explaining to him about dysphoria and how you discovered that the pronouns you were born with just didn't sit right with you.

Nods in understanding, but ends up purchasing a bunch of books Idia and Lilia recommended to him to increase his understanding.

Even though there are indeed things he will never be able to sympathize with properly and understand, such as the effects of dysphoria, but he will respect you full heartedly and not treat you any different despite still growing to learn about such topics.

All in all, it does not matter what you identify as. He finds himself completely enamored with you, loving how you teach him new things about anything and everything with humans- he will treat you the same as you treat him- impartial due to status, class, gender, pronouns, human or fae. He knew you were the one he wanted to rule Briar Valley next to one day- as his lovely spouse.

I hope I was able to answer your request satisfyingly <3 Please let me know if anything needs to be changed and I shall update accordingly, I myself am always learning and growing every day! Please be kind <3

#Twisted wonderland #Twst x reader #Twisted wonderland x reader #Idia x reader #Malleus x reader #kalim x reader #Kalim al asim #Idia shroud #malleus draconia #riddle x reader #riddle rosehearts

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misty79 · 2 months

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Happy Aromantic Spectrum Awareness Week!!!

What does being aromantic mean?

Aromantic is umbrella term that includes anyone who experiences little to no romantic attraction. There are many romantic orientations that someone who is aromantic may use to explain their feelings, including but not limited to,

Demiromantic: Only developing romantic attraction to someone after forming a close bond with them like a close friendship

Lithioromantic: Enjoy’s the idea of romance in theory and can feel some degree of romantic attraction but often does not seek out romantic relationships and does not need their feelings reciprocated

Cupioromamtic: Feels no romantic attraction, but still seeks out romantic relationships and enjoys typically romantic activities such as kissing and cuddling.

Greyromantic: Experience romantic attraction but it’s is rare and infrequent. Some seek out romantic relationships others do not, varies from person to person.

Apothiromantic: Experiences no romantic attraction at all, and some are even repulsed by it.

Common misconceptions

Asexual is the same as Aromantic

Being Asexual is feeling little to no sexual attraction and while it is often tied close together with Aromantism, they are two separate identities. There are many people who are both, Aroace, but there are also people who are only Aromantic or only Asexual.

Aromantic people can’t/don’t date

Aromantic people 100% can and do date. Many Aromantic people have a secondary label such as Lesbian, Gay, Straight or bisexual to further identify their romantic or sexual attraction.

Even those who are Aroace can date they just have QPR’s, Queerplatonic Relationships, which come in all different forms but in its most basic form it is friends with benefits and it’s between you and your partner to decide what those benefits entail.

Aromantic people don’t experience love

Even someone who is both Aromantic and Asexual still experiences love towards family and friends, it’s just platonic

They are lonely

Anyone can feel lonely from time to time and, while coming to terms with being Aromantic can be difficult and does often make one upset that they will never have this fairytale relationship, it is also super freeing and they learn to find comfort from family, current friendships and make new ones with the others in the community.

—

If you think I missed something important or if you want me to talk about Asexuality please let me know and if any of this resonates with you I suggest doing your own research just as I did when I was discovering I’m Aroace.

Some videos that helped me were;

Jaiden Animations: Being Not Straight

Spacey Aces: What are Queerplatonic Relationships (QPR’s)? | Aromantics Explain

Anthony Padilla: I spent a day with ROMANCED REPULSED AROMANTICS

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rollercoasterwords · 1 year

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I don’t have anyone else to ask, so here I am. What do you think about the term “boy lesbian” ? I just saw a TikTok where a person said they were a boy lesbian not a woman lesbian? I got the same vibe from that as when a lot of people on TikTok tried to say identifying as lesbian was excluding an it should be called non men loving non men?

well my short answer is that i think boy lesbians are cool + sexy + i wish they would all come over 2 my house so we could kiss w tongue <3 however i am sensing from ur message that this is perhaps a concept that u are a bit wary or skeptical about (? might be reading tone incorrectly but that is the vibe i'm getting lol) so i will put a longer answer under the cut:

so i feel like what you're asking when you say "what do you think about this" is essentially "do you think people should be able to call themselves 'boy lesbians'" which. is a source of online discourse that i typically try to avoid because i think discourse about who's "allowed" to identify a certain way in the queer community is basically pointless and does more harm than good. like, at the end of the day, there's really no use in policing who's "allowed" to call themselves what, because people can literally identify themselves however they want and you can't control that, because identity is an inherently personal and subjective experience. and so anytime people do start trying to strictly police identity + draw clear boundaries around who's "allowed" to use which labels, usually the result is just alienating and ostracizing other queer people who we should be in community with, as we share overlapping political struggles.

but. looking specifically at the term "boy lesbian" (and terms like it). i know a lot of people immediately get up in arms going "the whole point of lesbian is that there's NO BOYS!!!!!" but. personally i do not think that's true. every label currently used by the queer community is historically and contextually specific; most labels like 'gay' 'lesbian' and 'trans' are umbrella terms that include broad and varied communities of people who do not all share exactly the same identities or experiences. and the label 'lesbian' as an umbrella term has not always been used + conceptualized historically the way it's used today; it has also not always been 'exclusively women who aren't attracted to men' or whatever other definition people try to claim. many lesbians, especially gender nonconforming lesbians, have complex + nuanced + fraught relationships to gender + womanhood, and there has specifically always been a lot of overlap in (using today's terms) transmasculine and lesbian communities. leslie feinberg's stone butch blues comes immediately to mind as one example of lesbian experience that does not align simply or perfectly with womanhood and is much more nebulously transmasculine. at the end of the day, it's impossible to draw strict definitional boundaries around umbrella terms like "lesbian," because to do so will always inevitably fail to account for certain people who do identify with the term--and what right does anyone have to tell someone else that their personal experience of identity isn't "allowed?"

like - defining lesbianism as either centered around womanhood or positioned against manhood both inevitably devolve into gender essentialism. if you say "lesbians are women who love women," that requires you to provide a strict definition of "woman," something that is essentially impossible without resorting to gender essentialism. if you say "lesbians are nonmen who love nonmen," then you run into the same problem with defining "men." this is because both "men" and "women" are also historically + contextually specific umbrella terms used to define social categories of people, and not some sort of pre-existing inherent natural identities.

so then you might be saying--but wait a second, if all these labels are so fluid and nonspecific and personally defined, then what's the use of labeling anything!!! aren't you just saying that none of it means anything?!

no, not at all! what i'm saying here is that trying to draw strict boundaries around labels that have to do with gender + sexuality is at best pointless and at worst harmful, because gender and sexuality are inherently personal experiences and you can't police someone's own sense of self, nor should you try to. but there are three areas where labels are useful and do matter:

1 - personal value

labels are useful for individuals trying to understand themselves and how they relate to the world. people can find comfort or joy or simple understanding by labeling themselves in relation to the world around them; this sense of labeling is deeply personal and up to each individual in terms of how/to what extent they want to partake in it

2 - community

umbrella terms like "woman" "lesbian" "man" "trans" etc are all useful in socially specific contexts for identifying shared experiences + building community. if i say to someone "i'm a lesbian," and they say "oh i'm a lesbian too," i'm not going to assume that we have the exact same experiences of gender + sexuality that fit some made-up set of rules, but i am going to recognize that this person has certain experiences which overlap with my own, and we can build a community around those experiences. this is the way that basically any label works in a social context--if i say "i'm american" and someone else says "oh me too," i wouldn't just assume that we've had the exact same "american" experiences, because america is a vast country with a huge diversity of people + lifestyles + environments etc etc, y'know? social labels like these are useful for identifying broad overlap in experiences, but because they encompass such broad groups of people it's silly to try and make strict rules about who's "allowed" in the group--especially if your goal is to build community

3 - identifying + naming political struggles + oppression

this follows along the same lines as point 2 -- basically, most queer labels function as umbrella terms meant to bring together people of varied experiences + backgrounds who share common sites of oppression + common political struggles. like, historically, this has been the center of queer community-building--the fact that we are all being oppressed by the same people in overlapping ways. when i tell you "i'm a lesbian," that sentence does not tell you all that much about my own, individual, personal experience of gender. but it does tell you a lot about how i am politically positioned in the world and the kinds of political struggles i might face, and that's what makes that label so socially meaningful. like, the purpose of these labels is not to give everybody insight to the nuances of personal identity; it's to build community + identify our shared struggles with each other.

and i think one reason this discourse gets so heated in online spaces is that people get really angry about the idea of, like, "well what if someone calls themself a lesbian to infiltrate lesbian spaces!!!" which. i mean a lot of that fearmongering is rooted in transphobia quite honestly, but. at the end of the day, if someone is identifying themself as a lesbian, i'm going to assume that they have a good personal reason for doing so, and what matters to me will be knowing that we share a political struggle. i trust that if i encounter someone who's just trolling and "pretending" to be a lesbian or whatever i'll be able to recognize it and just....choose not to interact with that person. but honestly i don't even really think that actually happens--like i said, i think a lot of the fear that drives people to try and create strict definitional boundaries around the term "lesbian" is rooted in transphobia.

and i think something else driving a lot of this online discourse surrounding queer labels is like....this emphasis on identity labels as primarily a personal identifier rather than identity labels as primarily a community-building tool. like, there seems to be an emphasis particularly in online spaces + amongst certain groups of queer people to really want to micromanage identity + create specific rules + definition for each label so that, like, you're getting as much personal information as possible about someone who tells you that label, because you know they're following these detailed rules. but like. a) you truly are not entitled to personal information about anyone's individual experience of gender and/or sexuality and b) that's not the point of these labels!!!!! like i promise you it is so much more important to just accept that these are umbrella terms with nebulous boundaries so that you can take a step back and evaluate the social context in which they're being used in order to then build community. it is okay if there aren't strict rules and definitions! what matters more is being able to look at a specific contexts + the way a broad term can be applied differently in those specific contexts.

anyway. last thing i will say to this whole point is that i personally am someone who identifies to a certain extent with terms like boy lesbian or boydyke, in that my own sense of gender is much more centered around dyke than it is womanhood and i don't necessarily experience lesbianism as something centered around women/womanhood. my lesbianism feels more closely tied to gendernonconformity, genderqueerness, and overlaps a lot with experiences i've heard transmasculine people speak about. but lesbianism is still central to my identity, as i am politically positioned in society as a lesbian and it is the best umbrella term to give people a sense of my identity at a glance, and thus generally the best term for me to position myself within queer spaces + to seek out community. so i understand on a personal level why people might identify as a 'boy lesbian,' and hopefully from this personal anecdote you can understand why someone might too! if u have any questions or anything feel free to shoot me another message; i'm trying to cover a lot of ground in this response so i didn't fully expand on like. every single point bc that would have taken forever lol

#ask #ranting and raving #also this whole response is premised on like. eschewing gender essentialism. so if u believe in gender essentialism then obviously #u will disagree lol #but i'm assuming we're on the same page abt gender being a social construct if u are following this blog xoxo

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queernobi · 2 years

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Whenever I see a trans person who isn't nonbinary talk about nonbinary identity as though it is somehow easier or more low stakes to identify as compared to something like "binary trans man" or "binary trans woman," I genuinely have to wonder what planet they live on to be able to think that telling your loved ones that you're, just as an example, an agenderflux trans man who uses ey/em pronouns is going to be an easy, low stakes conversation. (I do not identify as this myself, nor do I think there's a problem with that identity--just that it is clearly not an identity that is easy to explain to people, and not one that people would readily accept.)

Nevermind that nonbinary is an umbrella term for a vast array of different identities that can vary in complexity, it's bizarre for these people to see the ongoing fury over people using they/them pronouns--probably the most recognizable and broadly "accepted" of the gender neutral pronoun sets--and think that coming out as nonbinary is not only easy, but is generally accepted compared to other identities.

I've been transitioning for 5 years, and have been out as trans to my loved ones for only a little longer. To this day, I still haven't told a good chunk of my family that I am genderfluid, and simply tell them I'm a trans man. When these family members talk to me about trans identity, most of the time it is trashing on the concept of nonbinary identity. I can't even be out as *transmasc* at work; do these people honestly think my coworkers and employer would be cool if I came in one day announcing that I use they/them and it/its pronouns? Seriously???

If a gay person described what I just did, except replaced "pretending to be 'binary trans'" with "pretending to be bisexual" (or vice versa for a bisexual person), most of us would readily accept this as a narrative of someone who's closeted. However, because my narrative deals with being nonbinary vs. a "binary trans man," people read this as not only a normal part of being nonbinary, but something that is acceptable and even preferred.

It's a self-contradicting mentality that suggests both that being nonbinary is easy, and also that it is absurd to want complete acceptance and that we should never be able to be completely open and honest with others about who we are. We're only accepted so long as we hide core aspects of our identities, and conform to the best of our ability to the gender binary in our day to day lives, no matter how much it actually hurts us to do so.

I understand that some trans people who aren't nonbinary may have personally found it easier to identify as nonbinary at some point, either previously or even currently, than be open about their actual identities. My heart goes out to those people, and I'm genuinely sorry they felt the need to hide themselves in such a way. I would never imply that their experience is somehow easy or acceptable. However, it's frustrating that nonbinary people, who are often forced to fit a strict binary by either identifying as their AGAB to most people or identifying as a "binary trans man/woman," do not get this same sort of compassion or sympathy.

It's clear to me that a lot of trans people who aren't nonbinary genuinely seem to believe that nonbinary identity doesn't actually exist, nor that it is a tangible, lived reality and not something that only exists in our minds.

#trans #transgender #nonbinary #enby #nbphobia

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yet-another-heathen · 11 months

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Hi! We don't talk a lot but I thought Id send ya an ask!

🌾 - How queer do you think you look? Would it be obvious to someone that you were queer if they looked at you?

🌹 - What is your Sexuality?

🌼 - If you used any other labels before your current one, what were they?

Hey Vee! ❤️❤️

I absolutely LOVE getting asks from people I haven't spoken to much before, it's my favorite part of interacting with people here on Tumblr!!

How queer do you think you look?

Oh, believe me, I haven't had someone mistake me for straight in YEARS now. I think it takes people some time to figure out exactly what kind of genderqueer I am. But between white/grey hair, androgynous clothes, and my voice, there's absolutely no doubt that I'm Something™.

What's your sexuality?

I'm attracted to people who identify as masc/GNC! That includes a lot of nonbinary/agender people, trans men, cis gay men, and sometimes butch lesbians, too. I use gay/queer as umbrella terms.

If you used any labels before your current one, what were they?

Oh, I've used quite a few! I think the very first one that ever clicked with me was aromantic (I learned the term all the way back in highschool), and I still use it today. I'm somewhere on the demisexual/grey-ace spectrum and go through different periods where it applies to me and when it doesn't, and I identified as pansexual through most of college before slowly settling in the last few years.

For my gender identity, the label I mainly used before this one was genderfluid [they/them]. These days Transmasc is a much better fit, but I've definitely still got that same fluidity in the background.

#thank you so much for the ask!!!#I love being gay #🌈💖#ask Wick #not whump

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hellomynameisbisexual · 2 years

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TERMS THAT MAY FALL UNDER THE BI+ UMBRELLA

Bisexual: “A person whose primary sexual and affectional orientation is toward people of their same gender and of other genders, or towards people regardless of their gender. Another definition that some people define bisexuality is being attracted to men and women.” - (Source)

Pansexual: “An attraction to all genders without a preference: either not seeing genders or choosing for it to not be a determinant factor.” (Source)

Omnisexual: “An attraction to all genders with a preference to one over the others.” (Source)

MYTHS

CW: Biphobic Stereotypes and Tropes

Myth: Identifying as Bisexual is transphobic.

Reality: Contrary to what some believe, Bisexual does not necessarily limit gender to two binaries, despite the prefix bi- commonly believed to mean two. Various definitions of the term bisexual exist, and labels of identity show up differently for each person. One person may define their sexuality as “being attracted to one and a different gender,” someone else may describe themselves as “having a sexual and romantic attraction to multiple different genders,” and yet another may describe themselves as “being attracted to masculine and feminine energy,” and yet they may all identity under the Bi+ umbrella.

Source: http://bi.org/en/101/bi-umbrella

Myth: All Bi+ people are into threesomes.

Reality: While some Bi+ folks may be interested in being with more than one person at a time, polyamory and bisexuality are two different things and one does not necessarily mean someone identifies as the other. Many Bi+ folks are monogamous, and while polyamorous folks in the Bi+ community exist, they are not the majority.

Source: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/strictly-casual/201409/are-bisexuals-really-less-monogamous-everyone-else

Myth: Bisexual people cheat more often than non-bisexual people.

Reality: This myth stems from the stereotype that Bi+ folks are “greedy” or other terms that attempt to villainize Bi+ folks as being more likely to commit infidelity. In reality, no data backs this up, and Bi+ folks are just as likely as their monosexual counterparts to remain faithful in relationships.

Source: https://www.insider.com/myths-about-being-bisexual-2018-8

Myth: Identifying as Bisexual just means the person is questioning/confused.

Reality: About 50% of people who identify as gay, lesbian, or bisexual are bi+, and therefore, Bi+ folks make up the majority of the LGBTQIA+ community. This myth may stem from the fact that only around 28% of Bi+ folks are out to their loved ones, and therefore visibility is lower for Bi+ folks.

Source: https://www.minus18.org.au/articles/busting-7-myths-about-being-bisexual/

VIDEOS

Below are a variety of videos that seek to educate folks on Bi+ people and their experiences. Some are TED talks and are very formal and delve deep into academia and studies, while others are casual list videos and informal vlogs. If you have suggestions for videos to add to the list, submit them to [email protected]!

Bisexuality and beyond | Tania Israel | TEDxUCLA

Summary: A current professor at UCSB gives a TED talk at UCLA about what bisexuality means to them, what it can mean in a nonbinary world, and discusses how the world views the label of bisexuality in this current binary.

Bisexuality: The Invisible Letter "B" | Misty Gedlinske | TEDxOshkosh

TW: Bi Erasure, Personal Experiences of Biphobia

Summary: Misty Gedlinske, a founder of a community outreach effort connecting local LGBTQ+ individuals and their allies with services, resources, and welcoming organizations named Fond du Lac Pride Alliance, gives a TED talk about bi-erasure and how invisible it can feel to be Bi+, both within and outside of the LGBTQIA+ community.

Performative Bisexuality: Y'all Not Tired? -- Tee Noir

TW: Scene depicting strong biphobic rhetoric are played

Summary: Pan identifying YouTuber Tee Noir dives into how popular media and society as a whole views bisexuality from the point of view of the Male Gaze, delving into Compulsory Bisexuality?: The Challenges of

Modern Sexual Fluidity by Breanne Fahs. She talks about various TV shows and media and how they negatively contribute to stereotypes about Bi+ folks.

Bisexuality Stories Onscreen, Explained -- The Take

TW: Scenes depicting strong biphobic rhetoric and violence by and against Bi+ people played throughout

Summary: This video dives into film and TV shows depicting Bi+ representation, both good and bad. It highlights the erasure of the identity in Hollywood and how oftentimes tropes are perpetuated and established in these mediums.

5 Bisexual People Explain What "Bisexual" Means To Them -- Tinder

Summary: Five different people describe their identities and answer questions regarding what their Bisexuality means to them. It shows how different people can have different definitions of the same identity and yet all still find themselves under the Bi+ umbrella.

21 Challenges Bi+ People Face -- Jackson Bird

TW: Mentions of violence by and against Bi+ folks, hate crimes, suicide, self-harm, drug use, and biphobia.

Summary: Bi and queer-identifying YouTuber Jackson Bird discusses various issues that Bi+ folks are at higher risk of experiencing. They discuss personal experiences as well as bring up many sources and statistics regarding challenges that the Bi+ community uniquely faces.

Bisexuality vs Pansexuality: What’s the difference? -- ADP

Summary: This short animated clip by ADP discusses the differences between Bisexuality and Pansexuality and gives definitions of these identities that many would label themselves, as well as gives an example of how one might approach talking about the labels if they’re unfamiliar with them.

COMMUNITY RESOURCES

BI US FOR US DISCUSSION GROUP

This is a discussion group for all students who identify as Bi+(bisexual, pansexual, fluid, and questioning). We will have facilitated conversation, information about available resources, and a space to heal from biphobia and bisexual erasure. This group is open to all genders.

For those interested in attending this group, please email [email protected]

BIALOGUE (3RD WEDNESDAY OF EACH MONTH | 7-8:30PM)

Bialogue is a free, confidential discussion group for people who are bi+ (bisexual, pansexual, omnisexual, fluid, and/or otherwise non-monosexual). All genders welcome, bi+ participants only, please.

Pacific Pride Foundation

608 Anacapa Street, Suite A | Santa Barbara

For more information on meeting times, contact Pacific Pride Foundation’s main office at [email protected] or (805) 936-3636

NATIONAL RESOURCES

Bisexual Resource Center

As the oldest nationally-focused bisexual organization in the U.S., the BRC continues to raise awareness and build bridges within the LGBT and ally communities and fosters bi-supportive social and political space wherever it can.

Originally started in 1985 as the East Coast Bisexual Network, the organization incorporated in 1989 as a 501(c)3 nonprofit and changed its name to the Bisexual Resource Center in the mid-nineties. Since its inception, the Bisexual Resource Center has been creating resources, providing support, and helping to create a stronger sense of community for bi/pan/fluid people across the U.S. and beyond. As one of its first actions, the BRC published the Bisexual Resource Guide from 1990 through 2002 and helped to connect organizations and individuals around the world from Argentina to Zambia.

Bisexual Organizing Project (BOP)

BOP (Bisexual Organizing Project) is a 501(c)(3) non-profit registered in Minnesota that serves the Upper Midwest. We are committed to building the bisexual, pansexual, fluid, queer, and unlabeled (bi+) community through regular events and the yearly national BECAUSE conference. BOP is welcoming and inclusive of everyone, including but not limited to people of all gender identities, sexual orientations, sexes, relationship orientations, ethnicities, abilities, religions, and political affiliations.

Bi.org

Bi.org is a project of the Bi Foundation, also known as The American Institute of Bisexuality (AIB), a 501(c)(3) private foundation that supports and sponsors projects likely to promote bi visibility and improved understanding of bisexuality through education, research, training, and outreach.

Created in 1996 as bisexual.org, this website began with the simple goal of letting bi people know that they are not alone. When we first launched, there were virtually no online resources for the bi community and the few resources that were available were hard to find, highly sexualized, or catered to niche audiences. Since those early years we have grown into a huge global community.

Trevor Project

Founded in 1998 by the creators of the Academy Award®-winning short film TREVOR, The Trevor Project is the leading national organization providing crisis intervention and suicide prevention services to lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer & questioning (LGBTQ) young people under 25.

Contains information on how to support Bi Youth as well as resources for Bi Youth.

List of Bi+ and LGBT YouTubers

This list of notable LGBT YouTubers includes YouTubers who publicly identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, or otherwise part of the LGBT community.This is a dynamic list and may never be able to satisfy particular standards for completeness. Watch their content to support Bi+ content creators. :)

INFOGRAPHICS

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witchyangela · 3 years

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🌈 Wolf Pack LGBT+ HCs 🌈

@thee anon who asked if I think any of the wolf pack are LGBT+ I’m sorry I deleted ur ask by accident in a rush to reply and I hope u see this post!! I was low-key worried about making one of these for basically no reason so this is just my personal headcanons!

Sam + Jared : are like defo straight, idk why that’s just their vibe. Sam is very invested in supporting LGBT rights and can be a little over earnest at times. Jared is a lot more chill and can be a little bit confused but he’s got the spirit (ie he will go up to people and say things like “heard your gay that’s poggers”)

Jake: Bi as hell but does not realise until he’s at college, the kind of person to say “idk sure I think guys are hot but doesn’t everyone?”! He has a bit of a crush on Benjamin that he thinks is just thinking the vampire avatar is cool, until he looks back and is like “ohhhhhh”.

Quil: Gay and very very informed, he founded the GSL at the high school, he genuinely buys weird pride merch. (He would wear the target collection I’m so sorry to say). He’s read ALOT of queer theory and will info dump on you, but it’s kinda cool. He goes to Seattle pride with Jake and Embry and cries when someone gives him one of those bead necklaces. (Also him and Embry are dating, it’s fact)

Embry: Bi and Non-binary (uses He/they pronouns), they realised they were Bi in freshman year and had a crisis, and then another crisis when they realised they were unsure about their gender identity. Luckily they’re Embry and identify crises are pretty much a daily event for them. Quil was v happy to help and his mom was extremely supportive (and happy that she’d found out his “big secret” little did she know...). Now they’re pretty happy, and wear the lil “he/they” pronoun badge that Seth made for them all the time.

Leah: Bi but kinda leaning more towards women, and she’ll kill you if you suggest it has anything to do with the Sam situation (it really doesn’t). She calls herself gay as a kind of Umbrella term, but is pretty unbothered about it, her mom and Seth know and she doesn’t really feel the need to come out to anyone else! However she is very defensive of her friends, if you touch them she’ll bite you (and she’s a werekwolf so it’ll hurt).

Paul: I know I sound like a stuck record but mans is Bi too, and generally brings it up when he wants to win an argument against Jared. He once called Sam homophobic for beating him at Uno and Sam cried. He’s v confident and has kissed half His friends at some point, he like Leah is also very willing to throw hands at any moment.

Seth: he’s a very invested member of the GSL and a bit of a baby gay, he makes pride pins to hand out and will wear like three conflicting ones at once. He is currently undecided in how he identifies but that’s chill and the pack all love and support him!

#idk why this made me so anxious to make pls direct all hate to the delete button #twilight #wolf pack #jacob black #leah clearwater #embry call #quil ateara #paul lahote #jared cameron #seth clearwater #sam uley

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queer-merm · 4 years

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I know some folks get confused when hearing “bi Iesbian” for the first time so I decided to make this!

(Image; a bunch of knights around a table where “bilesbian” is written, their swords drawn to the table, each sword representing a potential use of the label:

-attraction to women and non-binary people

-Bisexual homoromantic (split attraction model)

-homosexual biromantic (split attraction model)

-identifying as lesbian due to trauma with men and not wanting to date them

-people with multiple headmates/ systems/ DID

-people who see their identity as fluid, or potentially prone to change as time goes on

-a lesbian discovering her partner is a trans man, and still eing attracted to him as a man, even though she isn’t attracted to men usually

-very rare attraction to men

-Choosing to go with the historical definition of lesbian (for more info click l!) OR coming from a non-US/UK/anglophone region where “lesbian” is commonly used as an umbrella term

-questionning

-And more!)

Before clowning on this post I heavily suggest you go through this!

ÉDIT: since I keep seeing people trying to “debunk” this or w/ever i want to address a few points:

1-not all non-binary people are comfortable being included in lesbianism. If you are, good for you, but not all of us are. It’s especially uncomfortable when you won’t stfu about men being never included in, but saying “all non-binary people are uwu”. What about non-binary men? Bigender folks? Etc? “Men can never be included” and “all N-bi are included” can NOT coexist as statements.

2- RE the SAM; a) if your sexual/romantic attraction is the same for you, coolio, but you cannot decide for others that it is not. b) not everyone wants to use “homo” for xyz reasons, hence why they go with bi gay/lesbian (nb people might not want to label themselves as “SGA”)

3- a lot of systems say they can 100% “fuse”, it’s not unheard of.

4- It’s an absolute insult to older queers/lesbians to tell them “WELL IT CHANGED! USE /MY/ DEFINITION!!1!”. How fucking dare you try to take their lives experiences from them, ESPECIALLY WHEN, whether you like it or not, the current definition of “no men allowed” is a direct result from political lesbianism and radical feminism [see previous link]. People have every right to reject this/refuse to uphold this history.

5- at the end of the day, people don’t owe u labels that make you comfortable. If someone vibes with lesbian, you can cope with it or keep crying. No one thinks you are secretly into men by the way; I sure am not into men myself, other queer people with funky labels doesn’t change that nor “invalidates” me because I’m not insecure. I also still think defining lesbianism as “long men” rather than “lyes I love women” is stupid.

If your labels are set in stone, if you have never had exceptions, that’s great. But the queer experience is diverse, your experiences with your gender/sexuality do not invalidate others, and vice versa. Take a chill pill, stop trying to split the community appart over the pettiest of bullshit.

Last note; remember you can’t always tell someone’s gender. Someone you may assume is a woman might be a man, someone you may assume is a man might be non-binary. Keep that in mind next time you say “men can never be included!,1!1″

HOPEFULLY THE LAST EDIT:

If this post makes you mad: I don’t give a shit. If you reply, I won’t give a shit.

This post is for people who want to know why someone might use the label in good faith. Nothing more nothing less. If you want to start a fight go elsewhere. I’ve heard everything you could possibly say and i do not give a shit what some insecure 15 years old with 0 knowledge of queer history, who has been drinking the radf3m lite/lesbian separatism juice on Twitter.hell and tumblr.shit has to say. If you hate the post, block me and move on, don’t waste your saliva here.

This post was made by some bitch who isn’t a man and who has never been attracted to men. Somehow, still, I don’t care how people label themselves. Make of that what you fucking will.

#Mod ary #meme #sword tw #just in case?#discourse ?#bi lesbian #bibian diskhorse

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hybbat · 3 years

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I've seen that "trap" is more so a slur for trans women now, so does "twink" fit what I had previously thought of as a trap (that being a feminine looking or feminine presenting man that lacks masculinity yet may still identify as male)? Everything is a bit unclear rn. Love love love your art btw

TL;DR: the word you probably wanna use is femboy.

Just a quick disclaimer: obviously some touchy subjects are going to be talked about ahead. So, this is a discussion centred around terms to use for fictional characters, no real people. When refering to a real person you should always refer to them as whatever they personaly identify as.

Trap refers to, in this conversation's context, a fictional feminine-presenting, often crossdressing, male-identifying person usually with natural traditionally feminine features. The character HAS to identify as male and present as traditionally female, intentionally or not.

It is NOT a transwoman or nonbinary, nor a transman who does not identify themselves as such. Calling any transfolk a trap is incorrorect and incredibly transphobic. So, yes, used in that fashion, it's a slur. If you are not using it like that but to refer to the character defined above I would say no. But especially in public spaces with no context, for the sake of people who might have had it used against them or people who might mistake you for using it that way, you should avoid using it.

GNC: gender non-conforming refers to literally any person who does not conform to traditional presentation of their gender. Its obviously an umbrella term thats too broad for this particular situation but it does technically apply and its useful for context going forward.

Twink: Twink is specifically a young gay man with a small, skinny, or unmasculine build, but not really comparable. They are not inherently feminine, for starters, they're just not masculine. Twink is an older term used in lgbt spaces long before the current spike in awareness of GNC and was, to my understanding, a counterpart to bears. Not all twinks are GNC, and using it, while will probably be accurate, might not imply what you want.

Femboy: These days femboy is used as a replacement but femboy does not imply crossdressing or even natural feminine features and is a bit broader, but its pretty close. It is a boy that is feminine, so is useful as a slightly broader term that still implies almost the same thing without including too much more that you might not also catagorize as such. Its in essence a counterpart to tomboy.

Crossdresser: Crossdresser is broad as it does not imply the same thing, its just clothing choice for a plethora of reasons. It is typically accurate but includes literally anyone wearing traditionally gendered clothing of the opposite gender.

Otokonoko: this is a genre of "crossdressing men for men" and used by japanese crossdressers. Some people in japan also use it incorrectly to refer to transwomen, though as someone who neither lives in japan nor knows japanese I'm not an authority. Its basically only useful for looking up the manga genre, I do not recommend its use given how out of context from its culture it is and how scrambled its meaning already seems to be.

Your safest bet is femboy. It's mostly accurate, the general public can understand it without needing much explanation or too much confusion, its popular, and its what I personally use when tagging my art.

#ask

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bard-llama · 3 years

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How did you figure out you were ace?

Oooh, that's a difficult question! I figured it out when I was about 16ish? Though in my head, it's 14, even though I know that's not right, because I was 14 in my freshman year of high school, but I didn't figure things out until my junior or senior year. Part of that is because in my junior year, I discovered that we had a Gay-Straight Alliance at my school and my friend group kinda accidentally took it over. But as you can imagine, no one there knew about asexuality. Hell, bisexuality was still considered kinda "new" in that way where it's not new at all, but it's a scary new concept to consider. (Which is ironic 'cause like, half the group was probably bi).

I cannot remember for sure, because my memory is like swiss cheese, but I think I found the term "asexual" online. I know I found "genderfluid" on a prompt meme on livejournal, so maybe asexual came from somewhere similar for me. But the important thing was, I suddenly realized that like... oh. Other people experience attraction. It's not just that I'm oblivious, it's that I'm literally uninterested.

So of course I immediately ran home to tell my dad, 'cause he had set up a workshop in the garage, so when my friends dropped me off at home, he'd have the garage open and I'd talk to him first and we'd talk politics and shit. And WOW was not expecting that hit of emotion, but for context, my dad died on New Year's Day this year.

Um, anyway. I was lucky. I don't think anyone had ever heard of asexuality before, but I was VERY gungho about coming out and told basically everyone lol. And at first, my definition actually wasn't quite right, because I didn't understand the differences between sexual desire, sex drive, sexual attraction, and having sex. But I actually used to do talks at universities and stuff where I'd be on a panel with other PFLAG folks and I'd share about asexuality. That's one of the reasons I AM so out and proud - 'cause maybe someone else out there has never heard of it before, but now they've SEEN an example of it being real. And if one of their friends comes out to them, they can be all "oh hey, I've heard of that!" And idk, that could mean a lot to someone.

I should probably clarify that my friends and family were all loving and supportive, if in need of education (as I was). And being asexual was really, really important to me for a long time, and it still is, but once I got my tattoos, it almost... idk, settled something in me? And then I started to become disabled, so that kinda took precedence.

This is my tattoo! (Well, one of them. I have 11 currently)

From left to right: Asexual flag, Genderfluid flag, Queer flag, Polyamorous flag, and Aromantic flag. They're spades because that's a thing in the aspec community, making jokes about card suits and such. The Ace of Spades was supposed to stand for being aroace. But also, they just look cool lol.

For the sake of education, 'cause you never know who is hearing these terms for the first time, I'm gonna put definitions under the cut.

Asexual - does not experience sexual attraction. This is different from having a sex drive or being horny or desiring sex. Attraction is targetted at a person, and when you've never experienced it, it can be kinda hard to figure out. But allosexual people can look at someone aesthetically pleasing and a natural line of thought might be "wow, they're pretty" -> "damn, that's a nice ass" -> "wonder what they'd be like in bed". Now for me, that was pretty foreign, because my thought process was something like "wow, they're pretty! Huh, I wonder if I could find earrings like that!"

Genderfluid - under the trans umbrella (as in, not-cis. That's the only requirement for that umbrella and despite what my internal transphobia said for years, yes, you ARE trans enough to use the label if you want to). Genderfluid literally means your gender changes fluidly. I would usually describe it as "some days I'll wake up a girl (rarely), some days I'll wake up a guy (more common), some days I'll wake up with no gender (decently common), and some days I'll wake up with ALL the genders (probably pretty often lol)". The idea is that it changes from moment to moment and can lie anywhere on the gender spectrum - including not being on it at all!

Queer - okay, y'all probably know this one, but just to be clear: queer is a term inclusive of ALL identities that are not cisheteronormative. Period. To me, it is the most inclusive term for our community and I will never let people try to shame me into stopping use of a term that MANY trans women of color fought and died for. We're here, we're queer, and we're damned proud of it.

Polyamorous - interest in and ability to love and commit to multiple people at the same time. Basically, the opposite of monogamy, though the two are not in conflict. Someone polyamorous can be exclusively committed to someone monogamous and likewise someone monogamous could be commited to someone who is polyamorous and has other relationships. This is an important one to me because, even though I don't really do dating, I do have a queer platonic partner (@professorpineapple my love!) and it's important to me that people KNOW that I am polyamorous, because so few people understand what it means. And I think the real root of it is that love is love. Literally. Whether it's romantic or platonic, friendship or family, love is love and we all need a lot of love in our lives. Seriously, humans were meant to exist in communities. Society holds up romance as this "top tier" relationship type, and not only is that false, it's actively damaging. People are told to put all of their needs into one single person and it doesn't matter who you are - no one can fulfill all your needs all the time. You're supposed to have a COMMUNITY of people who support you in different ways as you need.

Aromantic - This is asexuality's romantic cousin. Where asexual = no sexual attraction, aromantic = no romantic attraction. Now, this is difficult to define for me, because I literally only found out last month that like... romance is an actual emotion people feel???? I still don't really get it tbh. But basically, it's a specific kind of desire to be with someone in a romantic sense. And this is tricky, because there's no clear action that is, by definition, romantic. ANY behavior can be romanic if those involved consider it so. Likewise, those same behaviors could be platonic if those involved consider them platonic. So like, kissing + holding hands + cuddling + stuff like that? Does not necessarily mean romance. And that can be hard for people to understand. But I think it's important to note that, while I personally am 100% a spinster, aromantic people, just like asexual people, can and do have romantic and sexual relationships. Being aromantic does not mean you are incapable of love, even though society's emphasis on romance as the "real" love makes it hard to believe.

I wanna expand on asexuality and aromanticism a little bit, because idk, I wish someone had told me this stuff when I was still questioning and figuring things out. If you are aspec (meaning on EITHER/BOTH the aromantic or asexual spectrum), you might experience a lower sex drive/be a "late bloomer". I say this because I was, and it's part of why I mis-defined asexuality for so long. Asexuality does not mean a lack of a sex drive or even lack of interest in sex. All it means is that you do not experience sexual attraction to people. Period. That's it. So now we're gonna go into TMI territory, because I think it's important to talk about. Asexuals can and do have sex. Asexuals can and are kinky. This does not mean that every asexual is interested in sex in any way, shape, or form. There are people who are completely sex-repulsed - and that isn't limited to only asexual people either. But like, I'm aroace and I write romantic porn literally all the fucking time. Kinky romantic porn. I've never had sex with another person and I'm not fully sure I ever want to, though would be nice to experience cunnilingus on both sides of it. I do masturbate all the fucking time. I mean, literally, I write porn! So yeah, I get off to my porn, though I've never actually had an orgasm and I'm told that's a shame. Frankly, sub/dom space seems more appealing than an orgasm, but I've never experienced that either, so what can you do? I like to think it's like when you hit that perfect level of high where you're floaty and nothing matters and you just feel good and vibe.

Anyway, I bring this up because a decade ago, I knew I was aroace, but I didn't know the first thing about kink, except that bdsm was something you could whisper and giggle over without actually knowing what it meant. Now? For never having experienced most of it personally, I'm... kind of a secondhand expert on kink lmao. The point is: lack of sexual attraction (or romantic attraction) means only that - lack of attraction. It does not define behavior. So yes, asexual people can enjoy and seek out sex and aromantic people can date and fall in love and get married and shit. And we've always existed, even before we had the terminology for it.

This is long and rambly, but I hope someone gets something out of it! If nothing else, you can now say that you've met some weirdo on the internet who was queer x4 and also kinky and wordy as fuck lmao

#asexual #aromantic #genderfluid #polyamorous #queer #ask #sorry this is kinda rambly #but thank you for asking!

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jamgrlsblog · 4 years

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[Image description: Infographic style image set about me! And bi visibility. Transcription under the cut.]

(If you were wondering, I am now 27 and Jam Man and I have been together 7.5 years.)

Bisexual People Make Up The Largest Proportion Of LGBT Americans: bit.ly/2ZY5Ess

Bi people have issues: a really fantastic video about the unique issues bi+ folks face (there are some heavy stats in this video, so don’t watch if you aren’t in a strong mental health state): https://youtu.be/oIu7lPtmm_0

It’s Bi Visibility Day! Guess What? I’m Bi!

What does Bi mean? Bi is the “B” in LGBTQ+, but its the letter we talk about the least. (Even though bi+ folks may make up the largest proportion of the LGBTQ+ identifying community in the U.S.!)*(Bi+ refers to all identities in the “bi” umbrella, including pan and other labels.)

Bisexual/biromantic is attraction/love for two or more genders OR any/all genders.

What about pan(sexual/romantic)? Pan is very similar! It means attraction/love for all genders or regardless of gender.

Both of these terms are non-binary and trans inclusive!

How do you know you are bi?

I have known, in the deep sense of knowing, that I am bi since I was around 14 or 15. (Not everyone knows that early and that’s okay!) I didn’t accept it until much later. At 15 I agonized over this knowledge. I tried to make myself beieve it was untrue. I knew I wasn’t a lesbian. I would have crushes on girls, but then... I would remember my crushes on boys.

I would think “I can’t be a lesbian- I definitely like boys!” I would think “Maybe I’m bi- but as long as I know I like boys, I can always pretend to be straight.” I would think “If I was a lesbian, I could come out. Because I am bi, I can’t.” I didn’t want my friends to know I was bi because I wanted to talk about boys with them, have slumber parties. I didn’t want them to feel weird around me.

I started hearing about sexuality as a "spectrum" when I started college, and I heard that it was rare for people to be 100% gay or straight. I thought "What a relief! I am straight after all! Its totally normal for a straight girl to have an occasional girl crush!" I explained this to one of my best friends. She asked me if I'd ever been attracted to a woman. I said "Oh, yeah, definitely." I asked her. She said, very simply, "No." My confidence in my straightness fell. I thought, "I'm attracted to women often." On many occasions I almost came out to my friends. I always chickened out.

(Forgive me for talking about only men and women. I didn't know the term "non-binary" until after my personal discovery journey.)

Coming Out!

The first person I came out to was my partner (aka Jam Man).

We'd been solidly "together" for several months.

We were laying on his college single bed, we were talking, I was staring at the ceiling.

I was afraid. That he wouldn't want to be with me, that it would make him jealous and paranoid.

I told him I was bi. He shrugged and said, "Okay."

I didn't come out to anyone else for years.

It took me a while to find the value in being open and out while in a "straight" relationship. But coming out has been freeing, and being out and visible has only felt more and more important.

Why is bi visibility important?

It was so hard for me to accept my bisexuality and feel comfortable talking about it because I didn't have any positive examples of bisexuality to turn to.

Until recently, bisexuality has only ever been a punch line in media.

I thought to admit to bisexuality meant to admit to either:

being gay without wanting to commit (not me)

being hyper sexual (not me, either)

There are a lot of harmful stereotypes about bi folks: that we can't commit, we are more likely to cheat, we can't be monogamous.

I'm afraid to mention it at work because I'm afraid of how sexualized this orientation is.

Relationship status does not equal sexual orientation

yet bi+ folks are frequently assumed to be gay or straight based on their current partner

I want people to know that we exist, and if you are bi+, it's okay, and you can and should love who you love.

The more we talk about it, the easier it is to see how many of us there are and to talk about issues specific to us.

Happy Bi Visibility Day! Send some love to someone who's bi! Even if it's yourself! Check out the caption for some links.

Caption:

(If you were wondering, I am now 27 and Jam Man and I have been together 7.5 years.)

Bisexual People Make Up The Largest Proportion Of LGBT Americans: bit.ly/2ZY5Ess

#feel free to reblog #bi visibility #bi visibility day #bi awareness #bi awareness week #bi awareness month #bi pride #love is love

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inessencedevided · 3 years

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Personally, I think it's a kind thing to do to show respect and understand towards people who grew up hearing "queer" as a slur, because they suffered more bigotry and hatred than this generation of LGBT people will ever experience and paved the way for them to exist. Saying "It's an identity not a slur" is kind of an insulting and ignorant simplification and it makes me ache for the people who grew up being called "queer" as an act of verbal violence.

Okay, puh, I always try to be cautious with this kind of discourse because, as your ask already indicated, there are a lot of people in the lgbtq+ community who have experienced bullying, harassment and worse for their identity and who might associate trauma with one word or another and i absolutely want to be respectful of that.

Here's the thing. Every word that I can think of, every label that lgbtq+ people ever used, has been used as a slur by some people at some point.

Obviously, this differs from region to region and also depends on the timeperiod.

I, for example, am from Germany. The most common colloquial term for gay men here is "schwul". (Used for and by homosexual men, mostly, not bi or others as far as i know) It's what people use in everyday life, it's what most gay men I know use to label themselves. Yet, it was and still is (though I hope to a lesser degree. I don't have data on this) one of the most common slurs used to indicate distaste. I can't tell you how many times I heard "das ist ja schwul" (that's so gay) from my classmates growing up. Literally about anything they didn't like. I'm not even quite sure they knew what they were saying back then, but they still used it because the association schwul=bad was so ingrained into them.

Nowadays, there's more awareness, but that stigma is obviously still there in some parts of the culture. And still, gay men in Germany use "schwul" for themselves. They reclaimed it and continue to reclaim it.

That is not to way that it is a must to use any label if it makes you uncomfortable! I understand if some people can't do that. If there's too mich trauma involved. I will never force the label "queer" on anyone. If someone tells me "I don't want to be called queer", I will respect that, no questions asked, for precicely the reasons you named in your ask.

You're also right in saying that "it's an identity not a slur" is a simplification. Because while it is an identity, it has also been used as a slur. Just like about every other term referring to lgbtq+ people.

But queer has been around for a very long time. "We're here. We're queer. Get used to it" was not invented on tumblr in 2015. Similarly "queer studies" as a scientific field emerged in the 1980s. Queer is also the most inclusive umbrella term i can think of. Queer can cover everyone who is not cis or hetero. For that I love it! And it has been really important for me growing up. It helped me realise that i don't have to fogure out every single thing about my identity to belong somewhere. (Because guess what, i got intruder syndrom, even when it comes to my queer identity)

Language is always in flux and that means the same terms will mean different things to different people. (Think about how older trans folks use transsexual and transvestite vs how younger trans people understand those terms). I honestly think that a lot of discourse on tumblr (but also irl. The current level of political discourse in many western countries is a prime example) only gets as contentious as it does because we speak profoundly different languages. Ultimately, our positions aren't that far removed from each other, but we frame them so differently that we end up misunderstanding each others intentions. (I urge everyone to read an article or book on political framing. It's eye opening.)

This is why i think the question whether queer is a slur or not has been blown wildly out of proportion. It's not what this community should focus it's energy on. It is for some, it's not for others. But lgbtq+ people are still being discriminated against in various forms all over the world and i think we should not hinge our support of them on whether or not they use the same language to describe themselves as we do.

(And the infighting this causes is truly horrible. Your ask is very respectful, anon, but the kind of harassment I've seen people get because they use queer as a label or umbrella term is completely unacceptable.)

All we can do, imo, is accept the labels others use for themselves, understand that we have to be respectful of each other's pain and personal and cultural history and tackle the substantial problems the queer community still faces to this day.

#is this coherent?#oh boy it's been a long while since i got an ask like this #anon i hope you're good #wish you the best #how do i tag this?#queer stuff #...#lgbtq #ask #anon #edit: I'm always open discussions!#but please understand that i try to keep this blod discourse free #i study poly sci and it seems like my life is doscourse all day every day #sometimes i just wanna sit back read fanfic and gush about ships 🤷‍♀️#* poli sci #lol

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loveerran · 3 years

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I mentioned that I might do a bit of posting on my personal trans history/experience. For example, I recently read a history of some labels used in the trans community that varies, quite a bit, from how I remember we used them internally. The authors tended to rely on ‘first time used in print’ and then, from that date, they applied the current meaning or understanding of the word. That can miss the nuance of how language evolves.

All the opinions and memories below are mine. Perhaps they will be useful to future historians, they were important to me at the time.

“Transgender”. My first gender conference (SCC - Southern Comfort Conference - in Atlanta) was circa 2005. I would estimate I had been part of the online Internet community (a phrase which here means 2-3 message boards) for a year prior to that. It’s important to remember that Google and Amazon weren’t really a thing yet. The world was just coming out of dial-up and 56k modems. Message boards were the thing. My first ever pictures of me got posted on those forums :)

‘Transgender’ as a vocabulary word was first defined to me, by my community, as an umbrella term that included crossdressers, transsexuals and (probably) the drag queens. ‘Transvestite’ was on its way out, though it was still being used, particularly by people who thought it had more of a ring to it than ‘crossdresser’. The three main labels (crossdresser/transvestite, transsexual and drag queen) broadly reflected the break down Wesley Snipes wonderful character Noxeema Jackson gave in ‘To Wong Foo’ in 1995: “When a straight man puts on a dress and gets his sexual kicks, he is a transvestite. When a man is a woman trapped in a man's body and has a little operation, he is a transsexual. When a gay man has WAY too much fashion sense for one gender, he is a drag queen.” (loved the movie, might disagree with the details on that quote just a bit).

In the mid-2000′s, I understood that ‘crossdresser’ was someone who wasn’t pursuing transition actively, and someone who labeled themselves ‘transsexual’ was. My first three in-person trans girlfriends were at the beginning/mid/late stages of transition respectively and readily welcomed the transsexual label as an indicator of status. Historical insider joke: Q: “Whats the difference between a crossdresser and a transsexual?” A:”About 2 years if you do it right”. Interestingly, it was meeting my first set of drag queens at SCC that convinced me I wasn’t gay. Convergent evolution...

I hated ‘crossdresser’ though. Always have. From the time I first saw myself, I’ve known it had nothing to do with the clothes. The clothes and the makeup and the other things are just the trimmings. And so I was one of the first people I knew to start using the word ‘Transgendered’ (yes, with an ‘ed’ at the end - the ‘ed’ didn’t get dropped until a few years later and I went straight from ‘transgendered’ to ‘trans’ about the same time (I’m so edgy with my words, lol) - some of my older girlfriends still used ‘transgendered’ and I got a light hand-slap for putting the ‘ed’ on a tumblr post, which was funny but a good reminder).

So I didn’t define as ‘crossdresser’ and I didn’t define as ‘transsexual’, and I wanted ‘transsexual’ somewhat, but it was specific to something I wasn’t doing. And there was this umbrella term that I thought was perfect. So I started saying “I’m transgendered”. And it was enough of a unique usage (the first few years anyway), that I had to regularly explain to people within the community that I wasn’t a type of TG (a frequent abbreviation we were using, along with CD, TS, TV and so on), but that I wanted to be a girl, always had, and wasn’t transitioning. To which people, within my community, would say ‘Oh, you mean a crossdresser’ - which was kind of annoying, tbh. Because being trans is a bit of a continuum between enjoying a preferred presentation at one end and being on the other end, and I was definitely on the being a girl end of the continuum.

#trans history #trans words #trans vocabulary #queerstake #crossdresser #transsexual #drag queen #transgender #lgbtq history #language

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ladyautie · 4 years

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get to know me more!

@funyasm tagged me and I’m bored after writing my chapter, so here it is!

✨ what do you prefer to be called name wise?

My name’s Sophie. My friends call me Spencou or Spence. We met on a Role-Playing game forum where I played a character named Spencer. We’re used to call each other by our characters’ names and nicknames, most of the time. My brother calls me Sis’.

✨ when is your birthday?

15th november 1993.

✨ where do you live?

Paris, France.

✨ three things you are doing right now?

I’m watching an episode of AT4W on youtube, scrolling on Tumblr and I’m drinking a coffee.

✨ four fandoms that have piqued your interest right now?

Definitely It and especially Eddie Kaspbrak and the ship Reddie. I’m kinda obsessed right now, writing fanfic, reading fanfic, daydreaming about it and all.

I just played the Last of Us 2 and I’m currently watching a let’s play from my favorite youtubers, Mari and Stacy from Geek Remix. I’ll probably read a few fics as well.

The tv show Barry (HBO) is a definite special interest for me. I’m probably going to watch it all once again real soon and I’m planning on writing a fanfic or two in the future. I’m dying for the third season to come.

Finally, I’m probably going to be super into The Umbrella Academy once again, when the second season will be released. I’m just really into Vanya, Klaus and Allison and I can’t wait to see more of them.

✨ how is the pandemic treating you?

None of the people I know have been contaminated, so I’m lucky about that. I’m not quarantined anymore, back to work, and the transition is not easy.

I feel like I’m more openly autistic than I used to be and that I can’t stand the rest of the world for a long period of time. I’ve experienced multiple meltdowns and shutdowns and I have real difficulties to socialize with most people or to focus on my work.

I feel incredibly naked and vulnerable whenever I’m leaving my flat without my mask on, so I think that’s definitely something I’m gonna have to work on in the future.

Leaving Paris and meeting my folks for my mother’s wedding, I found myself surrounded by people who mostly didn’t care about the virus, kissing each other on the cheek in true french fashion to say hello, hugging, not wearing a mask, not respecting any kind of social distance.

I was quickly overwhelmed by all of that, plus the noise, and I had to isolate myself in my parents’ car, sobbing hysterically and willing to suffer in a overheated car if it meant having a bit of peace.

There are definitely going to be long-term consequences. I can only hope that my physical health will remain okay, though.

✨ song you can’t stop listening right now?

Keep On by Sasha Sloan. I just really love the lyrics and the message.

✨ recommend a movie.

Whenever I have to think of a movie to recommend, Frank by Lenny Abrahamson is the first one that comes to my mind. This movie is an obsession for me since the first time I watched it and I often find myself watching it again and again. Despite its heavy subjects, it’s definitely a comfort movie for me.

Too often, movies featuring mentally ill characters will aim for the characters to “get better”, which doesn’t mean for them to find healthy ways to cope with their issues, but usually for them to look more “neurotypical-like”, if you know what I mean. Frank doesn’t go that way at all. On the contrary, it pushes the viewer to empathize with the main characters and to understand their point of view, their way of being.

It’s so incredibly comforting to watch a movie featuring mental illness realistic and not romanticized and to have the movie say “you’re different and you have issues, but you’ll find your tribe someday and be able to find your own happiness, even if it’s unconventional by society’s standards”.

I don’t know, I just have so much feelings about this movie. Plus the music slaps, the humor is hilarious (kudos to the random French guy who can perfectly understand English but refuses to utter a single word if it’s not in French) and the actors are truly on point (I can only salute Domnhall Gleeson, among everyone else who is also worthy of praise, because he definitely managed to make me hate his character in a way I almost never hated a character before).

Watch it!

✨ how old are you?

I’m 26 years old.

✨ school, university, occupation, other?

I used to be a librarian, but I couldn’t find a stable job in this field, so I passed an entrance examination and I’m now working in the tax administration. Yeah, not really glamorous, but it pays the bills and I’m accommodated for my disability, so it helps.

✨ do you prefer hot or cold?

Definitely cold. When I was a kid, I used to swim in mountain lakes, at temperatures close to 13° celsius, and I still take my showers mostly cold. I can’t stand heat, I get headaches very easily when it’s sunny and I’m getting confused easily whenever it’s too hot. I recently had a nosebleed at work so intense that I found myself spitting blood (it went better once I got a fan, making the temperature bearable).

✨ name one fact others may not know about you.

I used to be allergic to my own sweat when I was around 18, until my early twenties. Whenever I was doing a mild physical effort or getting stressed out, I would get hives and itchy skin rash all over my whole freaking body, which was so exhausting that I would fall asleep immediately as soon as the rash was gone.

It disappeared as suddenly as it appeared, without me ever doing something about it. I still don’t know why I experienced that and if I’m going to experience that ever again. I hope not.

✨ are you shy?

My autism makes social interactions complicated, but I’d say I’m mostly impaired by my social anxiety and the various traumas I’m dealing with daily.

Traumas I got after having been bullied pretty badly by kids and teachers during my school years, my stepfather being borderline abusive and different traumatic experiences, including my childhood crush dying from a ski accident when I was 15 or so (and me never being able to tell him that I loved him) and people betraying me so many times that I can’t even recall every little thing.

As a result, I find myself doubting constantly that I’m worthy of love, affection and respect and I often wonder when I’ll do or say the “wrong” thing that will cause me to lose everyone I care about. I also have a hard time knowing who I am and, as a result, allowing everyone to know who I am as well.

I often don’t know what to say and will find myself keeping my mouth shut, even on topics I’m knowledgeable about, because I’m scared of people shutting me down, among other things. My friends make it easier for me to talk about things I like and all, but I’m still heavily doubting myself.

I try to challenge myself regularly. I’ll force myself to take part in events that are taxing or that are forcing me to perform in front of people. That’s how I found myself taking part in the casting part of the french equivalent of “American Idol” (I merely met the pre-judges, but I did manage to sing my whole song in front of them). I needed to prove to myself that I could do it.

✨ do you have any preferred pronouns?

I’m using she/her, but I don’t mind people using they/them to talk about me if they don’t want to be gender-specific.

✨ any pet peeves?

I hate how people can freely and openly be homophobic, racist, ableist, transphobic, sexist and so on, but as soon as I open my mouth to let them know that what they said/did wasn’t appropriate, I’m labelled as one of those “hysterical feminists” or a “party pooper”. s/ Sorry if your antisemitic joke isn’t making me laugh, my “dear” colleague... /s I hate whenever people infantilize me, especially my mom. She’s still keeping an eye on my bank account, despite me telling her that I didn’t want her to do so again and again. I don’t dare to block her out, because I’m scared of her emotional reaction. I hate the ugliest parts of fandom, notably the obsession with “who’s topping / who’s bottoming” whenever there’s a gay pairing or the racism / ableism / transphobia / homophobia I’ve witnessed again and again.

I don’t dare to engage in the Last of Us 2 fandom because of that and the way some people describe the character of Abby (a very muscular woman), focusing on her physical appearance and calling her awful names (being downright transphobic when they thought that she was the transgender character that Naughty Dog announced there would be in their game).

✨ what’s your favorite “dere” type?

I had to google it, because aside from Yandere and Tsundere, I didn’t know a thing about it. I guess you could say I’m a Dandere (someone who is quiet and asocial. They are afraid to talk, fearing that what they say will get them in trouble.).

My favorite type is Kuudere though, when it comes to anime in particular (someone who is calm and collected on the outside, and never panics. They show little emotion, and in extreme cases are completely emotionless, but may be hiding their true emotions. They tend to be leaders who are always in charge of a situation.).

My favorite anime character, Kiyotaka Ayanokōji from the anime Classroom of the elite, is the most extreme case I can think about. He’s completely expressionless for most of the anime, talks with a very dull voice and it’s impossible to know what he’s thinking about at all times or what’s his overall plan. His hidden depth makes him all the more fascinating. He managed to keep me interested in a mostly meh anime.

✨ rate your life 1-10. 1 being really crappy and 10 being the best you could ever be.

It’s a bit hard, but somewhere around 5 or 6? I went through tons of crap in my life but I’m still here and able to live on my own, even if my quality of life isn’t all that good. I live with nearly daily suicidal thoughts since I was a teenager and have to compose with my meltdowns and anxiety attacks as well. I feel “other” most of the time and I can’t relate to most people I’m meeting and interacting with, which can sometimes feel very lonely.

On the other hand, I have wonderful friends who are willing to put up with my trauma crap and are overall amazing to talk to and be around. I have a cat I love dearly. They’re the reason why I’m still alive to this day, giving me a reason to say fuck off to my suicidal thoughts.

✨ what’s your main blog?

My main blog is Ladyautie and is about autism. I have another blog, reddie-4-more, focusing on the It movies and Eddie Kaspbrak and Richie Tozier.

✨ is there anything you think people need to know about you before becoming friends with you?

So, uh, don’t be weirded out by the kind of things I can tell you about my past. Even if it seems a lot, all of it is definitely true.

For example, I was almost kidnapped when I was around 8 or 9 by a random guy, while I was camping with my father.

My father and my paternal grandmother actually kidnapped me and my brother when I was around two and I stayed with him until the social workers determined that my mother had to raise us again because our well-being and overall life were threatened.

Lots of events of my life seem far-fetched or out of a movie / a book or something and I had people telling me that I must be lying or that I’m over-exaggerating, something that always hurts deeply.

I’m terribly awkward and more or less openly autistic, so you’re definitely going to notice something different about me. I can’t change for you and I’m not willing to hide my traits only to make you feel more comfortable about frequenting me, so if you can’t handle my socially anxious and disabled ass, then just leave.

I need people to actually tell me what they think or feel. I’m very “first degree” and I’m pretty bad at guessing what people are thinking about. Don’t be afraid to be frank.

Finally, never, and I mean never, infantilize me. I’m a 26 years old woman. I’m not a kid.I’m fine with my friends offering to help or making sure that I’m okay or so, but never assume that I don’t understand something and don’t force your help on me if I say that I’m okay.

That’s it, those who want to take part in this exercise, don’t hesitate!

#tag game #not entirely autism related #suicide mention

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