#use your head farmer ffs

[zoeykallus]

Hunter - Dirty Little Thief 17 - I Missed You

X FEM! Reader FF

Warnings: Angsty/Strongly Suggestive/Sexual Content/Fluff/Quickie With Hunter/18+

____________

For the first time, Hunter and you have a moment to yourselves, to 'talk' and come closer again, to find out where you guys stand after this long time of separation.

____________

What Happened Before:

Dirty Little Thief

Part 2 -Fairplay

Part 3- What We Do Not Admit

Part 4 - Provocative

Part 5 - Fighting And Loving

Part 6 - Scorching Hot

Part 7 - Keep It Together

Part 8 - Give Me More

Part 9 - Don’t You Dare

Part 10 - Hurt

Part 11 - Say You Won’t Miss Me

Part 12 - Still A Dirty Little Thief

Part 13 – In The Shadows

Part 14 - Burning Bridges

Part 15 – Under A Red Sun

Part 16 – See You Again

Part 17 - Reunion

"There's nothing to worry about," Tech said matter-of-factly.

You muttered, "It's usually not a good sign when he says those words. Last time, the hyperdrive went out in mid-jump, and we were drifting through space with no thrusters for almost 12 hours."

Tech gave you a look with raised eyebrows, but before he could say anything, the sergeant intervened.

Hunter sighed, "Then why did the proximity alarm go off, Tech?"

"A simple malfunction," Tech said lightly.

"Are you sure?" inquired Hunter.

"Ninety-nine percent."

You frowned and asked, "What about the other 1%?"

Tech shook his head.

"Irrelevant."

You shrugged as Hunter's gaze met yours.

"I guess some things never change" you said with a wry smile.

Hunter smirks and agrees with you, nodding, "Sometimes that's just as well."

A jolt went through the ship that nearly knocked you off your feet. Hunter got a grip on the back of the pilot's seat with one hand and your arm with the other. He pulled you toward him and held you tight.

"Are you okay?"

You laugh softly, "Hunter, I didn't even fall."

You've been gone so long that he took every opportunity to be close to you, and he was much more concerned about your well-being than before.

Crosshair coming into the cockpit rolled his eyes and looking through his sergeant, he said, "You really don't miss an opportunity. Get a room."

Hunter cleared his throat, reluctantly letting go of you, and turned to Tech.

"We fell out of hyperspace again?" he asked dryly.

You added just as dryly, "Was that the irrelevant one percent, Tech?"

Tech adjusted his goggles with his index finger and said matter-of-factly, "Well, the answer to both questions is yes."

You asked nervously, "But we're not adrift in space without propulsion again, are we?"

Tech shook his head.

"No, all thrusters and navigation systems are working fine. Only the hyperdrive is hiccuping, so to speak. I suspect that the spare part we acquired on Tattooine was, as I expected, of poor quality and burned out."

Hunter sighed and asked, "Where exactly are we? Any planet nearby we can land on and make repairs?"

Tech replied, "We are in the vicinity of a moon we could land on. Low population, small settlements, probably farmers, no industry. We probably won't get any spare parts. However, it's also very unlikely the Empire will show up here."

Crosshair asked critically, "Can we repair the hyperdrive without spare parts?"

Tech enlightened him, "Temporarily, yes, but not permanently, we definitely need replacements as soon as possible, preferably better quality ones than Tattooine's."

"Then get us down to that moon," Hunter said with a sigh, "But secluded, if possible I don't want to attract attention"

Tech worked tirelessly with Echo on the hyperdrive, Crosshair was out scouting the area, and Wrecker helped Echo and Tech with the parts of the repairs that required a little more strength.

You watched the repairs and kept your senses open to the surroundings, exercising what Maul had taught you, your perception in the Force. Sure enough, you sensed something, eyes watching you, curiosity, underlying restlessness, longing.

Without turning around, you said, "How long have you been watching me, Hunter?"

You could feel without looking at him how he tensed. When you turned around, he gave you a crooked smile.

"Not for long," he said evasively.

You smiled at him and stepped closer to him, you can feel it tingling inside him, the anticipation beneath his surface and honestly, you felt the same way.

"We haven't had time to really talk yet," you said softly.

Hunter nodded.

"Well. The repairs will take a while," he noted, "Maybe we should seize the moment now"

"Maybe we should," you agreed with him.

You let him lead you away from the Marauder. On the moon there were many forests, a lot of nature. You looked for a quiet place not too far from the landing site, and you sat down on a rock in the shade of some trees. Hunter stopped in front of you, looked at you. You can't help but smile at him. In a way, you were glad he was as nervous as you were.

He laughed softly and said, "For some time, I kept sniffing one of your shirts that you forgot. However, you were gone for almost two years, the smell eventually faded. It's hard to explain how intensely I perceive your scent now that you're back."

You raised your eyebrows in amusement and said, "Um, sorry?"

Hunter shook his head.

"No, don't be sorry at all. I love that scent, always have. I missed that… I missed you."

More softly and with a shy look, you said, "I missed you too"

"Somehow you're even more beautiful than you were two years ago" he said, stepping closer to you.

His fingers brushed your cheek. What Hunter felt was omnipresent, longing, affection, excitement, arousal.

You nervously took a deep breath and softly said, "Damn, you're really intense."

Startled, he puts his hand down and says, "Sorry, is this going too fast? I mean, I don't know where we stand right now. Let's start over? Pick up where we left off? I'm a little lost."

You nodded.

"I can feel that. But that's not what I meant," you said, taking his hand and gently bringing it back to your cheek, "It's just that since I learned to put out my antennae in the Force, I perceive things differently. I can feel your emotions, your longing, the intensity with which you perceive me."

He leaned closer to you and gently rested his forehead against yours.

"I can't help myself, I've been desperately searching for you all this time, now I finally have you back, and everything inside me is crying out to be close to you" he said softly in a smoky voice.

You closed your eyes and smiled.

"I'm flattered."

He leaned forward further, his hands moving to your hips. You let his pelvis between your thighs. This feeling was so exciting, familiar and yet somehow new. Your heart beat fast and furious, toward his. Being so close to Hunter again was a rush that made your pulse race, tingling under your skin and pulsing to your most intimate regions, giving your heart wings. You have not been as happy as at this moment for a long time.

His forehead detached from yours. Hunter kissed your forehead, over your cheekbones, slowly down your face to your lips. Between each kiss, you felt his hot breath on your skin. Your body was covered from bottom to top with goosebumps. Every feeling was so intense, it was almost overwhelming.

Hunter pushed himself closer to you, between your thighs, his hands gripping your hips a little tighter. His breathing was heavier. He swallowed as he pulled away from the kiss and said almost in a whisper, "I can barely hold back."

"I know," you said just as softly, "I can feel it."

His hands moved under your tunic, to the belt of your pants, and undid it.

"Please tell me if this is going too fast for you, but tell me now" Hunter murmured, almost hoarse with arousal.

You didn't know if it was reasonable, but you wanted the same thing he did.

"You don't have to slow down."

These were the words he'd needed. Hunter pulled off your pants and panties as fast as he ever had. Your wraparound tunic hung open on your body, your bra he had deftly pulled off your breasts. His hands and lips are everywhere at once, spreading glorious heat throughout your body.

Your fingers were all shaky with excitement as you tried to loosen his codpiece, but Hunter helped you. Your hand wandered curiously over the bulge in his blacks, and you felt his hard, throbbing cock under your hand, almost red-hot.

That was the last drop you needed, your body responding intensely to that feeling of his cock under your hand, albeit separated for the moment by the fabric of his Blacks. There's a flood of impulses in your body, your juices gathering noticeably in your pussy, accompanied by a steady pulse that started with a tingling deep in your stomach.

You looked at him, watching him take deep breaths, his pupils abruptly dilating as he took in your arousal with his senses. Hunter pulled you to your feet and to the patch of grass near the rock, pushing you under him onto your back and his pelvis immediately back between your thighs.

It felt rushed and intense, but you didn't mind, you wanted him as much as he wanted you. He hastily pulled his blacks down a bit to free his cock. As you felt his hard length nudge your entrance, the touch sent an expectant tingle through your entire body. As he applied pressure, advancing into you, he swallowed your moans with an intense kiss.

The stretch was perfect, the feeling of him slowly filling you overwhelmingly beautiful. Your legs clung around his hips as he began to move inside you, the friction between you igniting renewed pulses in your pussy. Your mind was open, you felt everything he felt mixed with your own perceptions, a feast of intense arousal, longing, rejoicing.

His lips parted from yours again, he moaned, gasped, every muscle in his wonderful body taut and hard as stone. Hunter quickened, his arms wrapping around you, catching you beneath him, holding you tight. He was gentle with you, but you felt the strength behind it and the spiral of your arousal abruptly shot up even higher, just before the edge.

His name came in a moan over your lips, and you felt what this sound triggered in him. He cursed very softly, almost in a whisper, his thighs trembled, his thrusts became irregular. There it was again, the tingling deep down in your belly, the tension in your abdomen, the pulsing in your center, this time tipping you over the edge into a glorious, intense, long-awaited climax that made your pussy twitch around its pulsing length and swept Hunter along with it. The moan half stuck in his throat as he came with unexpected intensity, pouring into you.

You were sweaty, out of breath, but very satisfied. You looked at each other and grinned. However, the grin faded quite quickly when you heard someone clearing their throat near you.

Somewhere behind the rocks, you heard Echo ask, "Are you done? I really hate to interrupt, but Crosshair called in, we have company coming."

Hunter cursed, "For crying out loud!"

His cock hadn't even softened yet, and trouble was on the way again.

Ko-Fi (If you feel like giving me some coffee)

@moonstrider9904

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#smut #hunter smut #hunter fanfic #star wars #the bad batch #clonelove #clone force 99 #tbb #sw tbb #bad batch hunter #clone trooper hunter #hunter #hunter bad batch #hunter tbb #hunter x reader #hunter x you #sergeant hunter #sergeant hunter x reader #sergeant hunter x you #tbb hunter #tbb hunter x reader #the bad batch hunter #hunter the bad batch #hunter x female reader #hunter x fem!reader #fanfiction reader insert #tbb smut #bad batch smut #hunter fanfiction #star wars fanfiction

[justsomeoneunordinary]

Kakashi for this one? 👀

https ://at .tumblr .com /justsomeoneunordinary/send-me-a-character-and-ill-answer-these/vjolyf8nlo70

1: sexuality headcanon

that man is SO aroace, hands down. that doesn't even need an explanation, just look at him!

unless he's being railed by gai, in which case he isn't quite so ace anymore uwu

2: otp

kakagai kakagai kakagai kakagai kaKAGAI KAKAGAI-

3: brotp

in my heart, he and tenzou are brothers. he totally behaves like an older brother around him, esp when he's being a little shit lol, i just love their relationship so much

4: notp

never liked kakairu and never will. also used to be open for obikaka but i cannot see it anymore tbh. makes me sick nowadays. (but the naruto fandom def has a problem with tagging their ships properly bc i keep seeing so many notps all the time argh) honestly, i don't rlly ship kks with anyone except with gai. i find him very unshippable idk....

5: first headcanon that pops into my head

he's a biter. not the fanon hatake = wolves hc kinda biting bc i hate that hc (kishi didn't give us much but he gave us enough to conclude that hatake = farmers, not wolves or nomads ffs do ppl not at least google the names before they come up with hc's or what), but the as a child he used to bite anyone kinda thing, so his father gave him a mask and kks just never stopped wearing it. he still bites as soon as it comes off

6: favorite line from this character

i am terrible at rmbr'ing lines but when he meets team 7 and his reaction is "my first impression of you is... i hate you all" is the fucking funniest shit to me. first, he lets those 12yo kiddos wait for hours and then has the gall to tell them he hates them lmfao king shit i love him (also, what a lying liar. they're his kiddos and he loves them)

7: one way in which I relate to this character

slouch king <3 i too, can't walk or sit with my back straight. also, reading porn in public. relatable

8: thing that gives me second hand embarrassment about this character

lmao in shippuuden where he had to read a section out loud of his porn book and the line was literally just "i love you" but he practically died trying to say it, face red, sweat running down, stuttering and all that jazz acbsjfhsjfhdjfbajfb IT'S LITERALLY JUST I LOVE YOU, IT'S NOT EVEN SMTH SMUTTY FFS KKS YOU'RE A GROWN MAN!!! also the sheer amount of times he collapses bc of chakra exhaustion like pls king that's not normal, no one else pushes their chakra to the limit you fucking drama queen. i'll never forget that one time sakura sees him at ichiraku's and goes "oh, not in the hospital for once? that's new" lmfaooooo get recc'd. ALSO kks of the sharingan has copied over a thousand jutsu AND YET WE ONLY EVER SEE HIM USE CHIDORI!! BRUH WHERE ARE THOSE 1000 JUTSU, WHERE???!!! how abt you stop using that sharingan of yours that drains you so much of chakra just to copy jutsu that you then don't even intend to use, hmmmmm??? lmao he's a genuis but he's so dumb

9: cinnamon roll or problematic fave?

neither? all village ninja's are basically the military of a fascist state, and all deserted ninjas are killers without actual permission to kill, so given the universe everyone is problematic. you could say bc he's one of the good guys he's the former but he's also such a loyal bootlicker (i love him but god kks the way he doesn't question the system at all even after everything that happened to him is so... acbjshdjsfh) so you could say he's problematic in that sense??? you can't rlly put any nart character into either of this category tbh

#thank you sesil 🥦♥️♥️ #rabentochter #may answers

[bioluminescentfrog]

cut bc there is a big rant about society/politics/economy and i wont subject you to it

in philosophy class we started talking about work and how humans work and we basically took the transhumanism -> marxism -> capitalism pipeline and ofc someone brought up the whole 'if we dont properly pay the more exhaustive jobs no one will want to do them' (WRONG!!! but ok) and then our teacher got annoyed bc half+ the class couldnt wrap their heads around a world without money and previous dude was like 'it would break capitalism' AND IM LIKE. WHO SAYS I WANT CAPITALISM?? BITCH THATS WHAT I FUCKING WANT. CAPITALISM IS NOT GOOD LIKE FFS PUT YOUR HEAD ON STRAIGHT. PEOPLE WILL BECOME DOCTORS IF THERE IS A NEED FOR THEM OR EVEN IF THEY WANT TO?? I DONT NEED CAPITALISM TO MOTIVATE ME (ALSO!!! capitalism is the main reason a lot of people DONT become doctors- medical school bills hit like a fucking bitch and playing the long game of 15+ years to get to the good salary doesn't work as well on a generation that doesn't want a career!!) and in addition- people like being useful?? and people like working?? Another thing is working to keep yourself alive (ie: for money to do x, y and z). you can be passionate about construction for example- someone makes the plans for making a house and you make it!! bc you like to do that!!! you dont have to work 12+ hours a day if there's no capitalism, but if you make the house for the farmer, the farmer will feed you. and you would feed others if they built a house for you!!! and patched that house up when you need it!!! this rightly motehrfucker has been so fucking brainwashed the only thing capitalism does is keep the top dogs at the top, and make sure the people at the bottom have enough hope to not revolt. society is fucking bullshit

#ez rants

[zackcollins]

Are we not gonna talk about the fact that the farmer in Stardew Valley accepts the drink from the Wizard's cauldron after only knowing him for 5 minutes? Like... The farmer is obviously not in their right mind if they thought accepting a drink of bubbling green liquid from some dude that just teleported in front of them and was cackling like a lunatic had 0% chance of going wrong. Just saying.

#like??? #this has been bothering me ever since ivstarted playing the game last year #what person in their right mind would accept that damn drink #i know i wouldnt #because like #W H A T #use your head farmer ffs #sdv farmer #sdv wizard #stardew valley #video games #not hockey #robin talks #sdv

[nitewrighter]

would you ever consider writing ff for gargoyles? I think your snappy wit with characters' dialogue would work wonders with eliza.

“You’re talking about forsaking your duty,” Goliath rumbled, running his clawed fingers along his jaw. 

“Well, there’s duty, and then there’s a job,” said Elisa, poking at her chow mein with her chopsticks as she sat cross-legged on the edge of the building, “I’m always going to want to protect this city, I’m always going to feel like it’s my duty to protect this city because I live here and I love the people who live here, but I’m starting to feel like my job isn’t protecting the city, it’s protecting a system.” 

“A system?” Goliath tilted his head.

“I probably sound like Bluestone right now....” Elisa’s shoulders slumped.

“Elisa, if you are having doubts about your duty...” Goliath tried to sound reassuring but wasn’t sure what direction would be reassuring.

“Job. I’m having doubts about my job--look, you’re a guardian, right?”

“Of course,” said Goliath.

“A thousand years ago, you protected your castle,” said Elisa, taking a bite of chow mein, “And yeah that makes sense---it’s a place where people take shelter, it’s basically the engine of the feudal system.”

“Feudal system...” Goliath echoed feeling as if they were treading into unfamiliar territory.

“Did you feel like you were protecting people outside the castle? The serfs? The farmers?” said Elisa.

“They would take shelter in the castle in the event of an invasion,” Goliath started hesitantly.

“So you would protect the system and you assume the system protects the people,” said Elisa.

“...but we were betrayed,” said Goliath, “So... I suppose as you said, in some regards, we protected a system, and it did not protect its people.”

“Because in a system, when some people are given way more power over other people, that doesn’t mean they’re always going to follow a code of honor. They aren’t going to see their place in that system as a duty. They let hate and fear cloud their judgment, and they use that hate and fear to do horrible things.”

“But you are a very capable detective, Elisa,” said Goliath, “Even if your fellow officers don’t match your standards, you can still set yourself as an example.”

“That’s what I’ve been telling myself for years,” Elisa gave him a wry grin before looking out over the city, “The half-native half-Nigerian, going in and transforming policing. Look at her go.”

Goliath’s heavyset brow crinkled a little at the bitterness in her voice. “Elisa I can tell you that you have, quite literally, saved New York multiple times.”

“That was with you, big guy,” she said, glancing down and stuffing another chopstick-full of chow mein into her mouth, “And I’m pretty sure most of that happened in spite of the force.”

Goliath huffed. “Well... I can certainly tell you that blindly assuming one’s duties can lead one to...”

“Being played like a violin by Xanatos?” said Elisa.

“...yes,” said Goliath grumpily before softening a bit, “So... so long as your loyalties are to protecting people and your own standards, Elisa, you have my support.” 

“Thanks, Goliath. Honestly, I’m still figuring it out,” said Elisa, “I’m trying to read more. Figure out what better days look like.”

“Dostoyevsky?” said Goliath.

“Little bit, other writers, too,” said Elisa, smiling.

“...I should like to read them, as well,” said Goliath. 

“Well you do have a thousand years of catch-up,” said Elisa.

“I have been catching up,” said Goliath, “And other members of the clan have been reading more as well. Lexington has recently recommended a fiction writer to me that I’ve found, while wildly inaccurate, very enjoyable. Have you heard of ‘Tolkien?’”

Elisa suppressed a snicker. “No,” she said, “What did he write?”

“Well it’s a transformation on traditional English folklore and Scandinavian sagas, and he has a very interesting way of incorporating Welsh linguisti--” Goliath started but he caught that very particular smirk of Elisa’s that told him she was in fact, very aware of who Tolkien was, but she wanted to hear what he thought of it. 

“...You already know who Tolkien is,” said Goliath, his brow furrowing

“We should have a movie marathon sometime,” said Elisa.

“...Movie Marathon?” said Goliath.

“Mm-hm,” Elisa stuffed another chopstick-full of chow mein in her mouth.

#gargoyles #disney's gargoyles #elisa maza #goliath

[blairsanne]

In the Cards (9)

Big Wolf on Campus fanfic. Merton x OC. [Tommy also gets some pairings.]

Chapter Summary: Kalida invites Merton out to the farmer's market, but confessing her feelings doesn't go as planned. Neither does the party at the Dawkins house.

Also on FF & AO3.

Chapter 9: Unwelcome

Kalida pulled away from Isaac, holding the bag of clothes against her chest. "Isaac, what are you-"

"I know the timing sucks." He let out a hollow laugh. "I never had the nerve to make a move on you before, and now you live down here. But looking at you just now, I got this feeling I might never get another chance to tell you." His expression was sincere. "I've liked you since we hit puberty."

Kalida's chest ached. "I don't know what to say…"

"You don't have to say anything. You like him, right?" He fingered the sleeve of the black shirt she'd borrowed from Merton. Her voice was a whisper. "Yeah, I do."

"I bet you look better in this than he does." "Isaac!" "You should tell him." "I-I can't-" She stammered, shaking her head, cheeks growing red. "All I'm saying, is… Don't wait until it's too late." They shared an awkward look.

"If you still lived up North, would I have a chance?" She shrugged, smiling and looking off to the side. "I mean, yeah…"

He laughed, putting his hands in his pockets. "I'm not sure if I feel better or worse about that. Maybe I shouldn't tell you to chase after the goth kid."

---

A few days later, after her friends from Canada had gone home, Kalida approached Merton at the lockers. She leaned back against Tommy's and held up a flyer. "You free tonight?"

He smirked and leaned in to read the paper in her hand. "Muellenburg Farmer's Market." He tilted his head. "You need some produce?"

"My aunt and uncle are visiting friends out of town this weekend and Aunt Sally wants to bake a pie to take along for the hosts. She mentioned she was going to have to drive to Muellenburg to pick up the right kind of apples, so I offered to do it." Merton snorted. "Thrilling. But sure. Want me to pick you and Tommy up at home, or…?"

Her face fell slightly. "Actually, I was hoping just the two of us could go." She licked her lips. "We never really hang out alone anymore." "Oh." Merton nodded, swallowing, then broke out into a wide grin. "Yeah, that sounds nice." "Great. I'll park Betsy at your place and we can go in the hearse?"

---

At lunch, Merton couldn't help but grin to himself every time he thought about his imminent date with Kalida. Well, she hadn't called it a date, but they were going to be alone together. On purpose.

Tommy sat down across from him with a tray full of chicken. "Wanna hit the Factory later?" "I can't tonight," Merton tried not to sound happy about it. "Wednesday's Wing Night, it'll be fun…" Tommy batted his lashes at Merton, who just laughed. "I would, Tom, but I actually have plans of my own tonight." "Oh? Guild meeting or something?" "No, actually, Kalida asked me to go with her to the farmer's market." He glanced away, wondering if he was supposed to tell Tommy or not.

"Oh, well, it's no Factory, but I guess we could look at squash or someth-" "Actually, Tommy, it's just the two of us going." Merton winced, hoping Tommy wouldn't be offended. "Oh. Um, alright." Tommy ate a chicken thigh. "Did you ask her out, or something?" "N-No. She invited me." He sipped his Yoohoo. "Why, do you think I should ask her out?"

Tommy nearly choked on a mouthful, recalling the blue-haired Canuck he'd seen Kalida kissing. "No, I don't think so." "Oh." Merton moped, pushing cubed carrots around his plate. "Merton."

Tommy could see the hurt on Merton's face, but figured it was better if it was Tommy's fault, rather than being rejected by Kalida outright.

"Merton, promise me you won't make a move on my cousin." "Yeah whatever." He pushed his tray away. "I'm gonna go grab my stuff for next period. See you later."

---

Merton answered the knock at his door, revealing Kalida. He looked her over, noting the short skirt and thigh-high socks that she'd changed into. "You look great," he breathed.

She laughed, cheeks growing rosy. "Thanks. You look nice too." She fingered the lapel of his black jacket. "The jacket's always a nice touch."

Merton smirked, puffing his chest slightly. "What can I say? I'm a man of fashion." He wasn't sure what to make of the giggle the comment elicited. He locked the door behind him and offered his arm. "Shall we go?"

The market was packed despite the setting sun. They moved slowly from stall to stall, watching as merchants peddled their wares, and farmers described their eggs and produce.

"I didn't know Muellenburg was so big," she remarked, moving closer to Merton in the crowd. "It's a bit bigger than Pleasantville, but I think people come from the nearby towns to buy here, too."

"I always thought it would be fun to run a booth at a market like this." Kalida admitted. "But after that bake sale I don't think I could handle it." She laughed. "I think you did pretty well at the bake sale." "That was so much work, though." She shook her head. "I wouldn't be able to do that full time."

"You could always just find a rich husband." Merton joked. She raised a brow. "Oh yeah? Know any rich guys I should get chummy with?" He tilted his head at her, narrowing his eyes. "Would you believe I have a secret inheritance?" She laughed and leaned against him. "Not for a minute."

---

On the ride home, they talked about where they might like to go to college, buy houses, and work.

She sipped at the latte she'd gotten to go, looking over at him in the dim car. "But if you move to Germany, where will Tommy go to school?" "I think he still has his heart set on State U, but I'm sure I could get him a scholarship if he was willing to reveal his lycanthropy." "Hmm. I could definitely see myself in a little apartment in Europe someplace." "You already know two languages. We could learn German together." "Oh, that's a good idea!" He glanced over at her, smirking at her enthusiasm. "Wunderbar."

---

Back at Merton's house, Kalida put the box of apples on the passenger seat of her camper.

Merton stood beside Betsy with his hands in his pockets. "Would you… wanna come in for a bit?" Kalida grinned. "Sure. It's still pretty early. Besides, Bob and Sally are gonna be at that council meeting all night."

"Great." He led her inside and took her coat, hanging it on the coat rack nearby. "I'd offer to make coffee, but excessive amounts of caffeine has a negative impact on brain functioning in youth."

She smacked his chest playfully. "You're such a nerd." He shrugged, then grabbed her hand and leaned toward her. "I thought you liked nerds." She stepped closer, shrinking the gap between them. "I like this nerd."

He swallowed hard, mind blanking momentarily as she stared up at him. She was too close, and too sweet, and smelled like apples. He must have misunderstood her words.

"Merton, I really like you." She waited for him to reply, but he just blinked blankly at her. She could feel heat in her cheeks. "Can I kiss you?" "Yeah," he breathed. Her lips were soft and warm. He closed his eyes and let the blissful feeling wash over him. He was kissing Kalida Dawkins.

Snapping back into the reality of what was happening, he pulled her close, noting the way she leaned easily against his chest. They stayed locked in their sweet embrace a moment, until Merton remembered the conversation he'd had at lunch.

He pulled away. "Kalida, I really like you." "Good." She tipped up again and pressed her lips against his softly. He let out a whine, but pulled away again. "I need to tell you something." She tapped her foot behind her, face flushed. "What is it?" "Tommy asked me not to make a move on you." "What? Why?" "To be honest, I don't really know." "Then who cares?" "Well, I care." Merton smiled crookedly. "I mean, he's my best friend, of course I care if he says I shouldn't pursue the girl I like."

She backed away, feeling a pressure rising in her chest. "So, what, is there something wrong with me?" "No. Of course not. I think he's just… protective of you." He put his hand on her upper arm affectionately. "I mean he almost wolfed out when Steve-O picked you up that time."

She furrowed her brows. "I don't understand, Merton. We like each other. Are you saying we can't see each other because of Tommy?" "No, of course not." He looked her over. "I just want to talk to him about it first."

She pushed his arm away. "Seriously?" He winced. "I just don't want to upset him." "But it's ok to upset me?" She crossed her arms across her chest. "I don't think he gets a vote in this. What if he told you he still disapproved?" Merton stuttered. "W-well I- That is, I hadn't really thought that far…"

She shook her head at him, eyes wide and wet. "Unbelievable. You two are something else." She grabbed her coat, then made for the door.

"Kalida, wait-" "No, nevermind. Clearly I can't compete with your boyfriend the werewolf."

---

Tommy was relaxed on the couch, watching TV with Dean, when Kalida got home. She stomped into the living room carrying a box of apples.

"You are such an ***hole!" Kalida hurled an apple at Tommy.

Tommy flipped over the back of the couch, wolfing out. "Whoa, little cuz, that is a five dollar word." Dean warned, eyes never leaving the TV screen.

Tommy popped up behind Dean and slowly backed away, panicking. He gave her a confused look, raising his hands. "What did I do?"

It was only then that he noticed her tear-stained cheeks. She was crying?

"The one guy I actually like in this tiny town, and he won't date me because you specifically told him not to." Dean whistled, looking away. "Awkward." Tommy's face scrunched in confusion. "Wait, Merton?" "No, Brett Johnson." she rolled her eyes. "You told me you didn't like him!"

"That was sarcasm! Yes, Merton!" She threw another apple. "You are so selfish! After everything I've done for you, not done for you-"

He motioned at Dean, hoping she wouldn't get carried away and say something about his lycanthropy as he continued to back away into the dining room. "I really didn't think you even liked him like-"

"You're my cousin, not my father and either way, you don't get to decide who I spend my time with, or who can date-" "I just didn't want him making you uncomfort-" "You didn't even ask me!" "I'm really sorry!" "Yeah, I'm sure!" Kali stormed upstairs into her bedroom and slammed the door.

Tommy slowly made his way around through the kitchen to avoid being seen by Dean. When he got up to her door, he could hear her crying on the other side.

"Kali…" "Leave me alone!" "Kalida, I'm really sorry. I didn't know you liked him back."

At the sound of her sobbing, he tried to open the door, only to find it locked.

"Go away!" There was a thump against the wood that he assumed was another apple.

---

Merton started at the heavy knock on his door. He recognized it immediately. "Tommy." He sighed heavily, but pushed himself up from the desk and let his friend in. "What is it this time? Zombies? Killer mannequins?"

"What?" Tommy shook his head in confusion. Merton raised a brow and then mimed Tommy's wolf features. "You're wolfed out?" "Oh." Tommy frowned and closed his eyes. A moment later he was back to normal. "I just got a little worked up."

Merton closed the door behind Tommy and moped back to his desk. "Come, friend. Relax in my den of melancholy."

Tommy rubbed his hands together awkwardly. "I take it this is about Kalida." "How astute of you." Merton pulled a small pillow from his pocket, inspecting the symbols that she had sewn into his protection charm. "You got your wish, she wants nothing to do with me." "That's not what she said."

Merton gave him an urgent look.

"And it's not what I wanted either." "You told me not to make a move on her." "Well, I- I didn't think she liked you back." Merton nodded, rolling his eyes. "Right, why would anyone like a loser like me?" "That's not what I-" "No, I get it Tommy. I'm not cool enough to date a Dawkins." "Merton, that's not why I-" "I'm not a football player, or-" "Merton, I saw her kissing Isaac! I thought she liked him."

Merton deflated, a pained look on his face. "She kissed Isaac?" Tommy sighed. "I figured, if she liked someone else, and you made a move on her, it would get awkward. Ruin our little trio vibe." Merton gawked in frustration. "That blue-haired rock star wannabe?" "Merton." "I knew I shouldn't have let him come with us at the pool." "Merton."

He refocused on Tommy. "Sorry, continue."

"She's really upset." Merton gestured at the empty bottles of yoohoo that littered his desk, and the half-written poem on his computer screen. "In contrast to myself, the picture of contentment."

Tommy picked up the skull on Merton's desk and started tossing it up in the air like a baseball. "So, what exactly happened between you two…?"

Merton leaned against his workspace. "We had a great night in Muellenburg, and then came back here. She said… She said that she liked me, and then she kissed me. And then I told her you didn't want me to make a move on her." Tommy stopped throwing the skull. "Why?" "I wanted to be honest with her." Merton smacked his head. "I don't know, I'm an idiot with girls. It just seemed like the right thing to do at the time." "That clearly didn't go over well." "No, she got upset and left." "Yeah, well, if it's any consolation, she threw apples at me when she got home."

Merton stifled a laugh, trying to play it off as a cough. "Minor consolation." Tommy smiled softly at having made Merton laugh, then looked away with guilt. "She was crying in her bedroom. I'll try to talk to her about it later." Merton sighed, rubbing the back of his neck. "Thanks Tommy. I'm pretty sure I blew it, though."

---

Kalida avoided Tommy and Merton at school the following day. She had already left when Tommy got up in the morning, and Merton didn't see her once at her locker. When Tommy got home, she was already holed up in her bedroom.

Later that night, Tommy answered a knock at the door, surprised to see Merton on his stoop.

"Merton. Hi." "Hi. I actually came to see Kalida." "Oh. Well, she's still not talking to me. Hold on."

He found his mom in the kitchen cutting apples. "Hey mom, remember how Kali's mad at me…?' "Yes. I wish you two would sort that out." "Well, she has a visitor, but I don't think she'll come to the door if I tell her." "Oh, Tommy." She stopped cutting and tapped his cheek patronizingly. "You teenagers are so petty sometimes."

He hid out of sight while his mom went to get Kali.

Sally knocked on Kalida's door. "Kalida, dear, there's a young man here for you." "Is it Merton Dingle?" "I don't know, honey. Can you come get it?" "Sure, Aunt Sally. Sorry." She opened her door and forced a small smile.

When she got to the front door, she crossed her arms and avoided eye contact, blocking Merton's entry. "What do you want?" "I, um, wanted to apologize." Merton held out a single red rose. "I'd like to invite you out, if you'll have me." She pursed her lips and turned back toward the living room, calling out loudly. "Gee, I don't know. Am I allowed to go out with Merton, TOMMY?"

Tommy came out from around the corner, wincing. "Y-yeah, of course. I think you two would make a great coup-" "Oh, I'm so glad you think so." She turned to Merton. "Too bad I don't."

She shut the door in his face before he could reply. He stood there crestfallen a moment before turning to leave. He tucked the rose under Betsy's windshield wiper then returned to the hearse.

Inside the house, Tommy followed Kalida back upstairs. "He really likes you, you know."

"Like I want a boyfriend who's going to turn me down because his friend asked him to." She whirled around and pointed at him. "And in case you didn't get the hint earlier, it's exactly none of your business."

She shut her bedroom door in his face, then flopped down on her bed.

---

Friday morning, Merton approached Kalida tentatively as she pulled things from her locker.

"H-hey..?" She tensed, but didn't look his way, continuing what appeared to be emptying out the contents of her locker. He tried to force casual conversation. "So your aunt and uncle are out of town for the weekend now, right?" She pursed her lips but otherwise ignored him.

"About the other night…" "Look, I get it." There was a bite to her tone that he didn't recognize. "Tommy needs you because of his condition, and you need him because you're a loser with no friends." She slammed shut the locker. "And neither of you need me, so don't worry about it."

"Kali…" Merton held his hand out as he watched her walk away. He didn't know what to say. She had hit the nail on the head as to why he and Tommy were friends, but it made his chest hurt to think that she didn't feel needed by either of them.

---

That night, Merton sat at his desk doing homework, trying not to obsess over how he'd botched things with Kalida. He tossed his pencil down and sighed, leaning back in his chair. "You idiot. No wonder you have no friends or girls-"

His bedroom door crashed open, Becky holding the phone to her chest. She gave him a manic look. "Freaker, there's a party at the Dawkins house tonight. You have to take me!"

"What? Why would I take you?" He shot her a dirty look. "And get out my lair!" "You're friends with Tommy and Kalida, right? So you could totally bring me and Meghan." He rolled his eyes. "I'm not taking you and your friend to a seniors party. You're freshmen." "If you don't take me, I'll tell mom where you keep your nudie mags." He gestured rudely, but grumbled. "Fine. Just you." "Oh. Em. Gee. Yes!" She danced around and ran back up the stairs to get ready.

---

When they arrived at the Dawkins house, the whole football and cheerleading teams, plus at least two dozen seniors, were crowded into the bottom floor of the house.

Becky looked around, eyes wide. "I'm at Tommy Dawkins's house." "Yeah, what a milestone." Merton rolled his eyes, looking through the crowd until he spotted Tommy.

"Hey!" Merton nudged Tommy. "Way to invite me, buddy." "Merton!" Tommy wrapped his arm around him, leaning in toward his ear. "I didn't exactly plan this, someone found out my parents are out of town and they all invited themselves over."

"Where's Dean?" "I bribed him to go watch TV in his bedroom for the night." "Where's Kali?" Tommy made a small noise, but gestured to where his cousin was standing, surrounded by guys from the football team. "I'm trying not to think about it."

"Great." Merton sighed, but decided to go get a drink. In the kitchen, he dug through a cooler. Becky came up beside him and plucked a beer can out of it. "Ooh." "No." Merton took it from her. "I said you could come along, not that you could underage drink." "You're not old enough either. Can't you try to be cool?" "Eh-heh!" He made a face and handed her a cola. "If you want to stay at my friend's party, stay off the sauce."

"Drench the Dingle!"

Merton turned just soon enough to watch as Tim and Travis dumped a cooler's worth of melted ice over him and Becky. Becky let out a scream, then stood in shock, sopping wet.

Tommy and Kalida both rushed into the kitchen from opposite ends.

Tommy put his hands on Tim and Travis's shoulders. "Not cool guys."

"So not cool!" Kalida took Becky's arm gently, completely ignoring Merton, who was equally soaked. "Come on, let's get you cleaned up." He held a finger up. "I-I could use some cleaning-" "Go hang yourself." Kalida shot back, leading his sister up the stairs toward her room.

---

Becky shivered, standing in Kalida's bedroom.

"Here, towel off." She passed Becky a clean towel and opened her closet, rummaging through. "You can borrow something to wear and we can throw your dress in the dryer if you want." She looked Becky over. "You're so small, though, I don't know what will fit you."

Becky sniffed, drying herself off as she tried not to cry. "Doesn't matter, I look like a drowned rat now." "It's not that bad." "Two seniors just dumped ice water all over me in front of the coolest kids in school."

Merton approached Kalida's door, but didn't have the guts to try entering. Instead, he eavesdropped on the conversation they were having.

"Tell you what, I'll fix your hair and makeup, and we'll get you into some dry clothes, and then you and I are gonna go dance with some cute guys. Alright?" "Why are you being so nice to me?" "I was a freshman once. Going to a cool party should not be a life-ruining experience." Kalida chewed her lip. "Besides, your brother…" she trailed off, shrugging. "I dunno. Anyway, try this dress on. It'll probably be a bit longer on you, but we can tie the waist tighter, so it should look fine."

Becky finished toweling off and changed into the borrowed dress. Kalida tied it up for her, and nodded. "Yeah, looks cute. Sit down and I'll fix you up."

"A-are you and Freaker fighting right now?" "Um, yeah... sorta. Is it that obvious?" "Well you told him to hang himself." "Did I say that out loud?" Kalida grimaced. "I'm just kind of mad at him." "Let me guess, he did something stupid to embarrass you?" "It's… a little more complicated than that." "I don't really get why you and Tommy would even hang out with him. He's such a loser."

Merton frowned deeply in the hallway.

"I don't think he's a loser." Kalida replied. "He's um… well he's not brave, I guess, but he's sorta…" She floundered. "Sweet?" "So why are you fighting?" "Because for a smart guy, he's also kind of an idiot."

Merton nodded to himself, agreeing whole-heartedly.

She used various things in her makeup kit to clean up Becky's face, then got to work drying and re-styling her hair.

Becky examined herself in the mirror. "Wow, I look better than I did when I got here." She hugged Kalida tightly. "Thank you so much!"

Kalida laughed. "Yeah, no problem." She opened the door and led Becky back down the stairs, not noticing Merton hiding in Tommy's room across the hall. "Who do you want to dance with?"

---

When they got downstairs, Kalida introduced Becky to a few girls on the cheerleading team and then went to find Tommy.

"When a slow song comes on, you're gonna go dance with Becky Dingle." "Okay, and in return you'll dance with Merton?" He raised his brows, smiling hopefully. Her voice was icy. "In return you'll get to keep the contents of your jock strap." The other football players he was standing with laughed quietly at him. Tommy just nodded, not feeling in a position to argue.

---

Merton came down in some ill-fitting clothes borrowed from Tommy. He was relieved to see that Becky seemed to be doing alright. He spotted Kalida in the kitchen, pulling beer out of the cooler and hiding it in the pantry.

"Gonna drink all those yourself?" He forced a jovial tone. "Gonna minimize the damage this group does to my uncle's house." He fidgeted. "Hey, um.. Thanks for taking care of Becky." "Yeah, whatever. I did that for her, not for you." "I know, but still. She's my little sister, and it was my fault that she got dumped on-"

"That's nice, Merton." Kalida continued to move the beer out of sight, avoiding eye contact with him as she went. "Kali, I know you're still mad at-" "Yep." She patted his shoulder and pushed past him out of the room.

---

A slow song came on in the living room, and Merton watched as Tommy asked Becky to dance. He didn't want anything to come of it, of course, but he was happy for his sister all the same. He looked around the house, checking the main floor and upstairs, but didn't see Kalida anywhere. Eventually he stepped outside to get some fresh air, and stopped when he spotted her sitting alone on the porch.

"Oh." Merton licked his lips, unsure how she'd react. "Hey." Kalida made a waving gesture, but didn't look over at him. She was staring at a book on her lap. "Hey."

Merton slowly walked over, then sat down on the wicker couch beside her. He felt tense, sure she would say something biting to him any moment. "What are you reading?" "A book for English about classism. It's boring. Typical pick from Miss Stoffer." He rubbed his hands on his knees. "Ah."

She looked over. The orange raglan tee he had borrowed from Tommy hung crookedly on his torso. She pointed at it with her bookmark. "You trying out a new style?"

Merton wheezed. "Well, it beats the fresh-out-of-the-pool look." She raised her eyebrows, but turned back to her reading. "Kalida I can't stand you being upset with me. It's driving me crazy." She furrowed her brow. "Yeah, poor you."

"Look, if I were you, I wouldn't want to talk to me either. You're beautiful, and smart, and you could get any guy at this party. One that's a lot less thick-headed than I am when it comes to the ladies. One that has more than one friend, and doesn't get dumped in garbage cans-"

"When I first came to town, I thought you were the coolest guy I'd ever met." "Wait- Really?" He wheezed. "You aren't afraid to be different from the people around you. You're smart. You have that cute goth look going on…" He rubbed the back of his neck bashfully.

"Then next thing I know you're fighting stuff with a werewolf. It was like… something out of a movie." Merton nodded. "I've often noticed that myself."

"I thought… this is crazy, I don't know what to think, but you made it seem like no big deal. I felt like we had this secret from everyone. And then I finally figured out, you know, Tommy… and it felt like, yeah, that's okay, because now I can be around my two favourite people all the time and not lie or feel guilty…"

"I felt the same way. I wanted to tell you so many times, and it took weeks to convince Tommy." He looked over at her. "The three of us, hanging out together… There's nothing better than that."

"Yeah, except for all of this-" she gestured between them. "Awkwardness." "I'm really sorry. I'm not used to having someone actually want to be around me." "Well, pro tip: Don't tell girls you have to check with their cousins before kissing them."

"I know. I'm an idiot." He leaned back, rubbing his face. "I guess the idea of Tommy not being my friend anymore was… still is, terrifying. I'd be all alone again." "But when you put it that way, I still feel like you'd choose him over me, no matter how much I like you." "You still like me?" Kalida sighed and stood up.

"If you still like me, then we should date! Let me make it up to you." She gave him a tired look. "Why? Why do you want to date me?" He blinked in confusion. "W- You're-" He took a steadying breath. "You're the most amazing girl I've ever met. You're so good at dealing with the wolf stuff, and-"

She held her hand up, looking away. "Merton, listen. I want you to like me like I'm not a Dawkins. Like I don't know there's a werewolf in town." She met his gaze. "I don't want a boyfriend that likes me because of Tommy."

Merton frowned softly. "To be fair, you only like me because of him, too. A girl like you would never look twice at someone like me."

Her lower jaw trembled, eyes growing wet. "Good to know that you think so little of me." She took the final steps to the door and let herself inside.

"No, that's not what I-" he sighed in frustration and pummeled his forehead with his fists. "Why can't you say the right thing?"

---

Tommy didn't see Merton or Kalida for the rest of the night. Once the final stragglers left the house, he spent an hour cleaning up.

"Who even brought cheese puffs?" he muttered to himself, emptying out the vacuum cleaner.

When he was done, he made his way upstairs. He rolled his shoulders and stretched his neck, then knocked on Kalida's bedroom door.

She opened the door and frowned at him. "The football team finally leave?" "Yeah, but I think Tim Eckert might have plugged the downstairs toilet. I'll get to it in the morning." Kalida grimaced. "There's also a bunch of beer in the pantry you'll want to ditch before Uncle Bob gets back." Tommy clapped his hands together. "Thank you."

"Yeah, well… Goodnight." "Wait! Have you and Merton made up yet?" She scowled at him. "Still none of your business, actually." "Well, it's kind of my business, since this whole mess is my fault." "Goodnight, Tommy." She tried to shut her bedroom door on him, but he forced it open and followed her inside.

She backed away from him, shoulders raised. "I didn't say you could come in here."

Tommy closed the door behind him, his voice lowered. "Just hear me out. You can stay mad at me, but at least let me explain what happened." His face softened. "Please."

She sat on the edge of her mattress. "Fine. Let's hear this great explanation as to why you'd tell your friend I'm off limits."

He sighed and leaned back against her door. "Look, I wasn't spying on you or anything, but I happened to see you kiss Isaac outside the lair." Her eyes widened.

"I figured if you're with someone else, you wouldn't want Merton making things awkward. He doesn't have a lot of experience with girls, so he has a tendency to be interested in anyone who's a little nice to him."

"Yeah, well in this case, I do like him." She pulled her knees up to her chest. "Or I did, I don't know."

"This isn't his fault. He hasn't really had friends before so he's always worried about making me mad. It's my bad for sticking my nose where it didn't belong. But it wasn't because I wanted to control either of you." "What else would you call it, exactly?"

He fidgeted. "I was scared. It's been nice having you help with the werewolf stuff. I didn't want things to get weird between you, because then maybe you wouldn't want to hang out anymore."

Kalida chewed her lip, staring at the floor as she mulled over what he'd said. Tommy fidgeted. "So, what do you think?" "I think that you're selfish, and that Merton deserves a better friend than you." He rubbed the back of his neck. "You're probably right about that." "I think you should have talked to me about Isaac, instead of assuming you had any idea what was going on. Since I turned him down." "Oh."

There was a long silence between them. Tommy let out a tense breath. "So should I go?" "Can I ask you something?" "Sure."

"Do you feel possessive, or protective of me, or whatever? Merton said something like that. That you almost wolfed out when Steve picked me up at school." She finally met his gaze. "What's that about?"

Tommy made an uncomfortable noise, looking away. "It's stupid." "Does it have to do with you telling Merton not to make a move on me?" "No. ...Yes? I don't know." He sighed and sat down on the carpet. "It's a wolf thing." Kalida raised a brow, changing position to sit cross-legged. "How does it work?"

He tilted his head to the side. "Okay, so, wolves have packs, right? So the people closest to me… they become like my pack. Whenever I feel like they're in danger, the wolf in me wants to spring into action to protect them." He looked up at her. "You and Merton are the only people who know my secret, so you're really important to me."

They stared at each other silently for a moment. He could read the sadness in her posture and the way she held her face into a carefully neutral expression.

"Kalida, I'm sorry. I hate that things aren't good between us." He admitted, holding his head in his hands.

Her voice was soft. "Me too." She sniffed, then let out a loud breath. "Before I moved here, you were just my cousin that played football. Somehow, even before I knew everything about the wolf stuff, you became one of my best friends. But because of Tommy, not Wolfy." Tommy smiled sadly to himself. "I can't help but feel like both you and Merton only like me because I know about the werewolf."

"That's not the only reason. But when you have a big secret part of your life that affects everything and you can't even tell anyone…" He wrung his hands in frustration. "It makes you feel cut off from everyone around you. So when you can trust someone with that part of your life, they're kind of a big deal." Kalida hummed. "That doesn't mean that's the only reason we like you, though." He shook his head. "I don't want you to think that at all. And I don't want you to think I don't respect you or whatever."

Kalida sighed. "I get it, Tom. We make the wrong call sometimes, nobody's perfect. I just don't know how to not be hurt about it yet." She wiped at the hot tears that started slipping down her cheeks. "And everything's screwed up with Merton. I don't know what to do, or how to feel now…"

He pushed off the floor and joined her on the edge of the bed. "It'll be okay, cuz." He wrapped his arms around her, resting his head on the back of her neck. "You'll sort it out." She leaned into him and closed her eyes. "I guess so."

---

Chaper 10 here.

Chapters: 1&2, 3&4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17

#big wolf on campus fanfic #big wolf #big wolf on campus #merton x oc #merton dingle #tommy dawkins #bwoc

[janiedean]

now I'm curious what Heidegger did if you're open to elaborating :P

I am always open to rant on heidegger *rubs hands* THEREFORE I SHALL NOW GO ABOUT IT:

now, problem #1: heidegger is SADLY seen as like THE BIGGEST GENIUS GAMECHANGER OF THE 20TH CENTURY, THE BEST, HE CHANGED EVERYYYTHIIING blah blah blah, to which I say: BULLSHIT

and now we go on to the fact that THE FUCKER DIDN’T EVEN FUCKING KNOW WHAT HE WAS SAYING BUT WROTE EVERYTHING IN SUCH A WAY THAT IT WOULD BE IMPOSSIBLE TO UNDERSTAND IT IF YOU DIDN’T BREAK YOUR HEAD OVER IT *and* on top of that his mantra was saying that you weren’t a true philosopher if people could understand what you were saying’, which means that since everyone things he’s a genius WHAT HAPPENED SINCE THEN WAS THAT EVERYONE STARTED WRITING STUFF PUTTING IT IN A WAY THAT THE AVERAGE PERSON WOULDN’T UNDERSTAND and I hate it because that’s how the category got the fame of ‘ah those people thinking about thin air and expressing themselves without making people understand’ WHICH IS NOT TRUE THAT’S NOT WHAT PHILOSOPHY IS ABOUT

when I say the fucker had no clue, I mean that literally he wrote this essay in the thirties then twenty years later he writes a letter to someone else about it and says ‘I RE-READ IT AND I THOUGHT I PUT A BIT TOO MUCH MEAT ON THE FIRE’ translation for I DIDN’T UNDERSTAND WHAT THE FUCK I WAS WRITING

which also adds up with the fact that the moment you actually understand something and dig in deeper in his bullshit you find out IT ACTUALLY MAKES NO FUCKING SENSE/DOESN’T HOLD UP AND I HATE IT

I shall now give you TWO examples of that before I move on to the stuff that also made him a literal piece of shit under all senses

now, the essay above was a complete fucking lsd trip about how you could understand the essence of the world THROUGH ART which was a complete mess but like at some point he goes around ranting about this van gogh painting with two farmer’s shoes. heidegger is all there like SO SINCE THESE SHOES BELONG TO THE FARMER/HIS LANDLADY WHO ALSO WAS A *FARMER* YOU CAN SEE THE DIRECT LINE TO THE EARTH and a whole load of other bullshit that hinged on THE SHOES BELONGING TO A FARMER/A POOR PERSON right, so yours truly goes like ‘hey you know what I’m just gonna go read up on that painting so I can bullshit the exam if needed’, I go look that shit up and THE FIRST THING WIKIPEDIA SAID WAS THAT THE SHOES BELONGED TO VAN GOGH AND ANY CRAP ART HISTORIAN AT THEIR BEGINNING OF CAREER WILL KNOW THAT so why??? why??? that makes your entire dumb point FALL DOWN, WHY?????

other essay: heidegger decides to teach us all that THROUGH POETRY YOU CAN SEE WHAT LANGUAGE IS MADE OF, which you say okay fine, he’s gonna use more than one poet to prove his point, right? NO, he goes for german poet friederich hölderlin and nO ONE ELSE, and like you could already argue that if you’re discussing LANGUAGE using *one* poet just from your mother tongue is kind of stupid but nvm that, in the middle of the usual nonsense he goes like OH BECAUSE SINCE HIS POETRY WAS THAT GOOD/DEEP/WHATEVER HE COULD SEE THE TRUTH OF LANGUAGE™ THROUGH IT AND THAT MADE HIM GO INSANE, except that if you know anything about the dude’s life it’s pretty obvious that okay he had a bad mental breakdown at some point but the signs started being seen after his sweetheart died so like......... THAT WAS NOT ABOUT THE POETRY™ IT WAS ABOUT THE FACT THAT THIS POOR GUY ALREADY WAS MOST LIKELY SCHIZOPHRENIC AND THE GIRL’S DEATH MADE IT WORSE like it’s not a mystery so why

and that is just TWO things you can possibly grasp but like being and time is all like that about I’M EXPLAINING YOU THE MEANING OF EXISTENCE and honestly fuck that noise

now you’ll say okay that looks like this dude conned half of the world into thinking he was good but what’s the rest of it bc your vehement hatred of him can’t just be that

WELL POINT IS THE DUDE WAS A DAMN CERTIFIED NAZIST™ WHO WAS ALSO A HYPOCRITE TO  BOOT AND I HATE HIS ASS TO DEATH

now we can start with the fact that he was a pupil of other important philosopher™ edmund husserl of whose work I’m not a fan but who personally I have nothing against, now this dude already planned to leave him his position but WAIT HE WAS JEWISH, what happens when hitler comes to power? he gets laid off ofc and heidegger SAYS NOTHING AND TAKES HIS PLACE AND REMOVED THE DEDICATION TO HIS FORMER MENTOR FROM THE 1941 EDITION OF BEING AND TIME and basically he never said or did shit against the regime and imvho it’s obvious reading his works that he... bought into it, but wait more on that later

on top of that the fact that he was supporting the regime/not doing anything against it and having affairs with his students two of which had jewish ancestry/were jewish JUST FUCKING IRKS ME because while I’m not gonna bitch about the affairs since he and his wife most likely had some... agreement bc his second son was from her lover not his but he recognized him anyway and he had affairs all around I suppose that was fine, but WHAT THE FUCK YOU’RE A PROFESSOR AND YOU FUCK YOUR STUDENTS? IDC THAT HALF OF ACADEMIA DOES IT YOU’RE STILL A PIG ffs

ANYWAY like the thing is that since everyone thinks he’s A GODDAMNED GENIUS (my ass) EVERYONE HAS CONSEQUENTLY IGNORED THAT HE SUPPORTED THE GODDAMNED REGIME EVEN IF JUST AFTER THE WAR HE WAS SIDE-EYED FOR THAT never mind that in some goddamne other essay from the 50s he compared concentration camps to industrialized agriculture and ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS, and like NO ONE ACTUALLY SAYS HEY YOU NEED TO STUDY THIS ASSHOLE BC HE’S IMPORTANT FOR CONTEMPORARY PHILOSOPHY BUT KEEP IN MIND THE NAZISM IS STRONG which would be honest naaaaah most people in academia used to pretend he just collaborated and the likes -

until someone published his private diaries a few years ago when it was obvious he was supporting the regime and suddenly 80% of academia was like:

BECAUSE OF COURSE HOW COULD SUCH A GENIUS HAVE AGREED WITH HITLER WELL he did fuck off

and you’ll say okay but why does it piss you off so much? IT DOES BECAUSE THEN I HAD TO SIT THROUGH LECTURES OF PEOPLE BITCHING ABOUT ANCIENT GREEK PHILOSOPHERS BEING MISOGYNISTS WHEN IT HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH THEIR THEORIES AND I WOULDN’T HAVE PRESUMED AN ANCIENT GREEK DUDE WOULD KNOW BETTER while I’d presume someone in nazi germany with a brain functioning would have known better and could have known better, but NO WE’RE IGNORING THAT BECAUSE WE CAN’T ADMIT THAT OUR PRECIOUS GENIUS WHO ALSO IS IMVHO NOT WAS A GODDAMNED HITLER SUPPORTER

AND I HATE THE WHOLE HYPOCRISY OF IT like please I don’t mind studying people’s work when I hate their ideology but I hate people pretending it wasn’t like that just because it would make the dude look bad yeah guess what idc also because 99% of what he said was bullshit anyway

tldr: the asshole was an unrepentant nazi supporter who didn’t really change that much after the war, 90% of his writings is incomprehensible and what’s comprehensible is basically ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME and on top of that he’s the reason why all contemporary philosophers can’t talk in understandable terms by the layman if you pay them to AND why everyone thinks we’re a bunch of stuck-up fucks who spend their time thinking about nothing and I really fucking hate that asshole’s guts and if there was ONE overrated person in the history of philosophy it was this piece of shit and that’s 100% of the reasons why I avoid contemporary philosophers like the plague if I can afford it :)

thanks this was my ted talk I hope you enjoyed it ;) ;)

#janie rants #martin heidegger for ts #philosophy for ts #from the bottom of my heart FUCK THIS ASSHOLE #ciaran #ask post

[opal-owl-flight]

What are your favorite Elliott headcannons? Of any variety 👀

Oh god. I have so many... both for vanilla SV and for Ascended/The Valley!! Ill. Do my best to remember... heres some from off the top of my head!!

Regular vanilla SV:

- sometimes. When hes hit by a strong wave of inspiration while on his nature walks. He just starts speaking some poetry under his breath...escalating louder as the inspiration swells. I think the villagers think hes gone crazy whenever theyre around to witness it

- his laugh!! Its deep and rumbly...he kind of vibrates when he does, and his shoulders shake... if he laughs hard enough he starts to snort. Hes embarrassed about that tho

- hes so easilly flustered. He gives compliments to his s/o a lot, but the moment they say anything back, hes a stuttering red mess

- he goes beach combing sometimes! Or a lot when he has his writers block. Nature truly inspires✨if not at the beach, hes in the forest doing quite the same... (I think this is where he meets Leah too!)

- he has a hoard of shells hidden somewhere. (I literally wooed him with pretty shells before I started using the wiki akdnkd) he gets VERY excited about ocean life!! And I think hes gotten some good knowledge about what you can find on the beach. Hes done his research on whats edible and whats not

- he gets creeped out by Too Many Crabs In One Place though. They haunt him in his sleep with their constant clicking

- he hums softly when hes in a good mood. If hes happy enough he bursts into song! And boy does he have a good voice!! Hes a theater kid dont @ me

- when he feels incredibly affectionate, hed give his s/o a squeezing hug while rambling happily about them. He gives a lot of physical affection in general bec ffs this man’s been living alone for a long ass time and he craves it

- after reading some of his dialogue, I have come to the conclusion that at least, in the beginning of the player’s interactions with him, hes actually not quite confident with his skill (at least when speaking about it with other people). Got this from the way he constantly apologizes whenever he says something poetic (“sorry if thats not very interesting to you.”)

- and as the days go on he becomes more confident bec he reads the player’s interactions with him as them believing in him!! Hes always been put down for following his passion, this means a whole lot for him...and if the farmer has any other creative passions, he fully supports them back!! They get inspired off of each other,,💜

- did I mention that he leaves little poems for his s/o to find around the house? And the way he smiles and chuckles whenever he hears them react to them,,, hes such a sappy, loving man

- gives the softest kisses and the biggest, warmest hugs,,, and he does it frequently. If his s/o is busy, he usually resorts to just gazing at them lovingly,,

- hes such. A sweet dad. Thinking about it makes me melt. Always telling them stories (lots of legends in Ascended) and/or roleplayijg with the kids,,, he also takes part in most of their games! He pretends not to see them when they hide in an obvious spot when playing hide-and-seek

- he also likes to watch the rain with them. Doesnt matter if hes in the middle of a household chore. If he sees his kids watching the rain, He Will Stop To Watch The Rain

OKAY SO THATS A LOT ALREADY BUT I HAVE SOME THATS SPECIFIC TO ASCENDED/THE VALLEY TOO HUZZAH:

- youd think he has water powers bec he lives near the ocean and all that. Nah son. He has the same creator power as Kalu has (I mean hes a writer ffs he creates all the time. He just doesnt bring them to existence bec of additional background story reasons)

- he doesnt have the gremlin tendencies but his wife does. By pure association he has learned to Love The Shinies

- he helps Kalu take care of herself bec she has a bit of a struggle with thinking for herself. She takes care of him back with his bad eating habits and all that (taken from “Ive been taking better care of myself now that were together...” line)

- Kalu makes a lot of soft chirring/purring noises when shes happy...Eli adores this and found himself imitating the noise whenever they cuddle!!💜

- he sees Kalu create a cute soul and he immediately wants to adopt them

- Ho Boy Does He Love To Fly. Everywhere. Even if its a short distance away. Kalu always tells him to not overuse his wing cloak but hes so happy with finally getting one again that he just. Doesnt listen

- Kalu’s basically the “mother of all” the souls she created. Eli has taken it upon himself to be a good dad to them too!! And most of her created kids absolutely love him back!!

- especially the sun god Cas. Hes the one who actually kept pushing the two together until they realized their feelings for each other!

- he adores the bards! I mean obviously, since hes a poet himself. But he had wanted to be one before! He eventually decided against it because he realized that he wanted to settle down and that it was kind of a lonely life...

- the first time he saw Ember (first kid) breathe fire he panicked bec “do babies work like that??” Help him

- hes so happy that Ember followed in his footsteps in being a poet!! He supports her passions greatly and p much cried when she recited her first poem to him (dont worry he loves the second kid too. I just dont have that much going for them yet)

#stardew valley #stardew #sdv #stardew valley asks #stardew valley headcanons #stardew valley elliott #stardew elliott #sdv elliott #LMAO FIRST TIME WRITING STUFF LIKE THIS DONT KILL ME

[everlastingcaptainswan]

Contractual Attraction (11/?)

Enchanted Forest AU 

Summary: The war had raged on for many years, the people of Misthaven would say too many, and there was only one way to end it, only one way to quiet talks of rebellion. Princess Emma of Misthaven would have to marry the enemy, Prince Killian of Montave.

Notes: It’s finals week and let me tell you online school is terrible, but I’m almost done with my bachelors! It’s exciting and exhausting. Hopefully you guys enjoy the chapter! 

FF        Ao3

Chapter Eleven: Imminent Danger 

Emma gathered her parents and Leo the next morning deciding that she should tell them about Killian’s plan without him. Let them be angry at her then bring him in later, after cooler heads prevailed. 

“This is what he wanted his ship for?” Snow asked, truly stumped. 

“But why not ask for something in the treaty?” David wondered out loud. 

“Cause the brothers are used to using their military minds, not being diplomats,” Emma sighed. 

“What do you want to do?” Snow raised an eyebrow at her daughter, unsure of what she will ask for. 

“I want to help them. We can’t let their people starve. How much can we afford to give them?” Emma began pacing in their war room, worrying running throughout her entire body. 

“Depends on what they could give us in return.” Emma stopped pacing and looked at her mother. 

“But-” 

“No buts, Emma. Nothing is free in this world. I’m willing to help, but they viciously attacked our farmers in the war, we have less than I would like, in case of god knows what. If they could propose a trade, something for our people then I’d be willing to give more.” Snow gave her daughter a stern look. Emma was about to plead their case when David stood, “Why don’t you go get the prince, he can help negotiate a trade.” Her father almost pushed her out of the room. When the door shut behind her Emma glared at it. She stomped her way up to Killian’s room, knocking on his door. 

Killian opened his door in a hurry, worry on his face, “what have they decided?” Emma pushed past him into his room. Killian stood cautiously in the doorway, looking back at her. 

“They- ugh my mother. I-” Emma shook her head. Killian stalked over to Emma, placing his hands on her shoulders. 

“Take a deep breath. Gather yourself.” Emma closed her eyes and sucked in a deep breath. When she opened them, his blue ones were staring deeply into hers. 

“What happened?” he asked her with all the calm he could muster. 

“Mom wants a trade. Whatever you could give, I wanted to just help. She can hold a grudge and didn’t take kindly to the fact that your men burned our farmer’s fields.” Killian dropped his hold on her and shook his head. 

“I never felt right about doing that. Our father always initiated that move and our generals continued it after his death. Anyway, we can trade the sins of the father and all that.”  He nodded solemnly. Emma wanted to say something, but knew they didn’t have time. 

Emma turned and held out her hand to him, he took it without hesitation. Killian followed her down to the war room, hell he’d probably follow her to the ends of the realm, maybe even time itself. 

Emma let go of his hand once they reached the door of the war room. Killian opened the door for her and waited for her to go through. Emma began to pace again, watching the interaction between Killian and Snow. The door shut behind Killian, who strode up to the table. 

“I hear a trade is in order.” 

“Our people need to eat too; I can’t abandon them for yours.” Snow quirked an eyebrow at him. 

“I understand. When we came into port, I noticed there weren’t many fishing boats in the harbor. We have plenty of fish, we could trade fish for some grain, seeds.” 

“We have a deal. Emma write down the details.” Emma glared at her mother and gathered a scroll and quill. As Killian and Snow talked Emma scribbled down the details of their agreement. Leo left to sit as proxy in a meeting Snow was supposed to be in. David chimed in occasionally, never taking his eyes off the prince. 

“Your ship should be here next week. We will quietly begin to gather what you need, and you can meet your men in the safe house to give them the details.” Snow straightened her back 

“Where is the safe house?” Killian asked. 

“Emma can show you later. Now, I have other matters to attend to. Make sure that paperwork gets to Doc and we’ll sign it,” Snow addressed the last part to Emma. Snow and David left swiftly. Emma gathered the papers off the table. As she moved toward the door, Killian reached out and grazed her hand with his. 

“Thank you, love.” Emma nodded, not quite meeting his eyes. 

“At dusk we’ll go down to the safe house. Meet me at the stables.” Emma shut the door behind her and Killian sighed. He felt like they were back at square one. 

      Killian does as he was told and went to the stables at dusk. He wore his black vest, pants, and his long leather jacket. Killian was trying to blend in tonight, and it didn’t hurt that he always caught Emma eyeing his chest hair when he wore his vests. 

      Killian chose Orion again when Emma came in wearing a plain grey dress and dark green cloak. Aside from her beauty she could almost pass for a villager. Emma goes to Buttercup, uttering soothing words. 

      “How long will it take to get there, love?” Emma flicked up the hood of her cloak and tucked her blonde curls into it. 

      “About an hour more or less. We’re taking the back roads into town.” She told him. He caught her eye and she quickly looked away. They rode out of the stables in silence, Killian supposed he had earned her distance and silent treatment, but it hurt, nonetheless. They made their way swiftly through the countryside and into the village. They took the back roads as Emma said and ended up tying up their horses in the back of a house that was close to the harbor. Killian paid attention to every twist and turn they had taken through town in case he ever had to come alone. Neither of them said a word until Emma unlocked the back door and shut it behind them. 

      The house was pitch black and Emma deftly moved her way around the house lighting a couple candles so they could see. 

      “You’ve been here a lot?” Killian glanced around the house, taking in the cozy surroundings. Emma was moving toward the fireplace when Killian stopped her. 

      “You’re going to have to look at me at some point, love.” Her jaw clenched when he called her that. She sighed and turned her head in his direction. Emma opened her mouth then shut it again. 

      “Are you going to be mad at me forever?” 

      “Perhaps, I hadn’t decided yet,” she mumbled, “After my parents forbade me from being on the battlefield, I was a nurse. Eventually that was too hard for me to be so close to the battlefield and not be out there with my men. I was held back several times, eventually I had to leave. I had to do something however I was never much for sitting still. So, we ran spies from this house. They would get their assignments from me, come back, and debrief here.” 

      “Did you live here the whole time?” He asked, noting her ease and knowledge of the house as she began looking through cabinets. 

      “Mostly yes, occasionally I went home. Ruby joined me here more often than not to bring supplies and whatnot.”

      “What are you looking for?” 

      “I was just seeing what food stores we left here, if any. The house was cleaned out of anything.” Emma sighed, flopping into a chair tired after the events of the day. Killian pulled out a flask and handed it to her. 

      “Not dinner, but will keep you warm while I get this fire started.” Her hand brushed his as she accepted the flask. Killian turned his back on her and found some flint, kindling, and logs beside the fireplace. Emma took a big gulp, knowing they weren’t going anywhere tonight. 

      “Rum?” 

      “Never far without it, doesn’t hurt to have it in a pinch.” Emma hummed, taking another swig. 

      “I know you feel like I betrayed you by not telling you about my intentions. I am sorry about that, but I was doing so to protect and save my people. Can you tell me you wouldn’t do the same?” Killian turned back to her after the fire was started. She blinked a few times. 

      “No, I suppose I can’t.” Killian stood at her side, the fire roaring behind him. His hand rested on her shoulder. Her jade eyes caught his blue ones. 

      “It won’t happen again. You’re right we’re partners, that being said there’s one last thing I have to tell you.” His tone and demeanor were serious. It caught her attention. He pulled a chair out from the table she was sitting at. 

      “What is it?” 

      “Liam and I have been looking for a way to end this war for five years now.” The words hit Emma like a brick wall. 

      “What?” 

      “This war was our father’s idea, his ultimate legacy he used to say. He was right in that sense, he died before it was over, and it lasted even when he was gone. Liam and I spent most of our formative years training and leading our men, we spent time on the front lines. Our father never did. He didn’t see the carnage, the true horrors of war. He didn’t see what it did to our villages, our people. He just cared about the land gained, resources that were now his. My father was a harsh man and didn’t take well to our dissent, so eventually we stopped voicing it and found little ways to ruin his plans that could never be brought back on us. We thought that when he died that we could end it and bring peace back to the realm.” He said steadily, as if he had practiced this speech before. 

      “Your father died five years ago…” 

      “Yes, then the problem was his generals after years of being under his rule they were just as hungry for war as he was and had grievances of their own by then. Our people were mad too, their King dead, everyone still wanted the war to be a victorious win. Otherwise if we ended this war a coup would’ve taken place. Liam and I decided to bide our time. Liam wanted to insure one final victory before ultimately leading to stalemate.”

“The capture of Arendelle..” Emma was in shock and he kept talking, kept telling her everything. 

“Aye, our advisors were also urging him to pick a bride and soon. They wanted to secure the line of succession.” He barreled on. Emma stood up at this point. Killian’s eyes widened; he was watching her every move. 

“I lost my magic six years ago…” She trailed off. All the scenarios running through her head. Maybe if the brothers were successful and Montave was seen to be surrendering Emma wouldn’t have lost her magic. Regina wouldn’t have been as big of a threat. Her family could’ve come together to defeat Regina, not just Emma. The plan would’ve been different, everything would’ve been different. All of the maybes and what ifs were making her head spin. 

“Emma, I-” She cut him off with a glare. 

“No, you really should stop talking now. You’re telling me that war has been pointless for years now, that we were always headed here. That our men died for nothing, all because you two didn’t have the support to end it. Don’t get me wrong, I get it you couldn’t come out against your father, but Killian everything I’ve done has been for nothing! That the curse was for nothing! That losing my magic was for nothing!” She practically yelled at him. 

“I-” Killian stuttered. He was just trying to be honest with her and have her understand that he was on her side. He opened his mouth and stuck his own damn foot in it. 

“Why now? Why have Elsa propose the treaty?” She snapped. 

“The people’s opinion turned on the war, there were talks of riots and rebellions. With that we were able to change our general’s minds.” He answered not sure of what she would ask next. Emma curled her hand into a ball. What she wanted to do was to lash out and use her magic, she wanted that familiar warmth back in her body. His revelation gave her a flicker of hope and she hated herself for feeling it. 

“Emma, I’m sorry I never thought- I didn’t want another secret to come out and hurt you, hurt us.” Killian stood up once more and moved to her. Emma stepped out of his reach, backing away towards the door. Every step she took hurt his heart. 

“I understand, I need a minute.” Emma so badly wanted to run away, but they couldn’t reveal their location. Instead she left the room and went upstairs to the room she used while running the house. Emma slammed the door behind her. She paced in front of the window, trying to calm down. For the first time since Killian placed the ring on her finger, she wanted to rip it off. Her hand traced over it, but she couldn’t do it and she didn’t know why. 

Emma couldn’t change the past even if she wanted to, even if she had her magic. It was one of those things that was part of dark magic that Emma never dared to touch or even consider. She just longed for a world that wasn’t consumed and torn apart by war. Emma wanted her magic back. A sob ripped through her, she had never admitted those words to herself because what was the point, she couldn’t have it back, why want it?

Emma kicked her boots off and climbed into the bed, letting the warm blankets envelope her. Her tears soaking the pillow beneath her, sleep overcoming her. 

Killian sighed when he heard a door somewhere slam shut. He just rocked her world and he knew it. He never imagined how this news would change everything for her. He can’t seem to get it right with her. He took several swigs of rum and decided to roam about the house and become familiar with it. If his men would be stationed here for the time being, then he would have to be here too. Killian wandered through several bedrooms on the ground floor, an office, and the kitchen once more. The office had been cleared of any materials or documents. Killian found some paper and ink with a quill. He snatched it up and wrote out a letter to Liam. His brother could reason with him better than anyone, he would know what to do about this predicament with Emma. Liam would have the best advice for him because Killian watched Liam struggle with his feelings for Elsa for many years now. 

Killian left the cold dark office to pen his letter next to the light and warmth of the fire. It took him a while to find the right words to explain what had happened between him and Emma. He was so absorbed in the letter he didn’t hear her descend the stairs. 

Emma was barefoot with a blanket wrapped around her, her eyes slightly puffy and red. Killian hadn’t dared go up the stairs where she had gone. He wanted to give her the appropriate space to process everything. 

“Just grabbing some water.” Emma went to her pack and grabbed her canteen. She took a swig and gave him a sheepish look. 

“I shouldn’t have snapped at you earlier.”

“No, love I understand completely why you did. I should’ve- honestly, I don’t know what I should’ve done. Not telling you meant it could’ve come out later and telling you seemed to have hurt you too.” Killian shook his head. 

“A double-edged sword.” He blinked a few times before nodding. 

“Aye, it was. Do you miss your magic?” He watched her as she took the chair across from him. 

“Every day, it was like losing a limb. My magic manifested when I was five, scared my parents to death,” when he gave her a questioning look, she continued on, “I didn’t want to play with Leo, so I put an invisible barrier between the two of us.” Killian laughed at that. 

“I can’t deny that sounds like something you would do...you barely ever mention it.” 

“It seemed pointless to want or hope for such things when it’s not possible,” she shrugged. Her hand ghosting over the scars on her right arm. 

“There’s no hope you could ever get it back?” Emma shook her head. 

“We searched for a way to reverse the spell for a couple years. Nothing ever came of it, I eventually told them to give up. The glimmer of hope just to be let down again was too painful.” Killian reached out for her hand and she let him have it. 

“I’m sorry, love.” She gave him a faint, weak smile. 

“It’s okay there’s nothing you can do about it. See you found the office, who’s the letter to?” She nodded toward the paper scattered on the table. 

“If I could do something I would. And ah Liam, just ramblings of a younger brother who has few friends in a strange kingdom.” He smirked as did she. Killian gathered up the papers and folded them to place in an envelope he took from the desk. 

“I’m going to bed; you can pick any of the rooms to sleep in. We’ll head back to the castle before sunrise.” Her hand slipped out of his hold as she stood up, adjusting her grip on the blanket. 

“Aye goodnight, love.” 

“Goodnight.” She brushed her lips across his cheek, a blush rising in his cheeks after realizing what she had done. Maybe there was hope for them after all. With her body so close to his Killian clenched his fist, he wanted so badly to reach up to her hip and hold her close to his side. He had to reign in those feelings. 

Emma gave him one last lingering look before heading back up the stairs. When she looked at him like that his heart would stop, it’s like she saw him. Killian sighed and placed the letter in his pack before heading up to get some shut eye as well. 

They reached the castle just as the sun was rising in the morning. Neither of them got much sleep last night and Emma desperately wanted to slip into her bed and sleep for a couple more hours. Ruby met them at the door, her arms crossed. Never a good sign. 

“Rubs not that I don’t love you, but why the hell are you up and waiting for us?” Emma approached her. 

“Emergency council meeting, everyone is waiting for you two actually.” Ruby told them, a nervous glint in her eye. 

“Any hint to what this is about?” Killian asked, looking from Emma to Ruby then to Emma again. 

“It’s urgent, Snow didn’t say more than that.” Ruby shook her head. 

“Great, well let’s not keep them waiting.” Emma said, sarcasm dripping from her voice. Ruby gave her a sympathetic smile and led the way. Without thinking about it Emma fumbled for Killian’s hand. He grabbed it and squeezed it tightly. Emma looked at him with worry in her eyes. He knew whatever was coming wasn’t good if she was looking at him like that. Ruby didn’t miss their connected hands or the looks they exchanged, she simply smiled and kept her mouth shut, for once. 

They entered the war room and Leo, David, Snow, Graham, and August were sitting there waiting for them. August straightened up when they entered. Ruby, Emma, and Killian took their seats quickly. 

“You may begin,” Snow nodded. Graham looked to August. 

“This was more your quest than mine. Tell them what you found.” 

“I guess it was. In Arendelle the Dark One’s visit bothered me, it seemed odd that he would just show up. How did he even know Emma used magic for mere seconds, from far away? It didn’t add up, he couldn’t be watching her at all times. So, when we were there, I asked around seeing if maybe he had another reason to visit, really to find out if anything out of the ordinary had happened. The same day he was there a magical vase went missing. I didn’t think this was a coincidence, so his visit had two purposes and his proximity might explain how he knew Emma used magic. The vase apparently can hold people indefinitely. It got me thinking what he was up to, so I started looking around more to see if there were other stolen objects. There were, a wand hidden in a mountain cave that vanished last week, a gauntlet that is supposed to give the user courage was taken, the mirror in the Evil Queen’s castle is now gone, and I’m sure there are more I don’t know about.” David leaned forward on the table,

“What do you think all this means?” 

“That he’s planning something big and we need to be prepared.” August concluded. Emma stood up from her seat and went to the frosted window, her hands gripping the windowsill. If she still had her magic this wouldn’t be a problem. It almost made her blood boil, it was so frustrating to have it close, but not be able to use it. 

“We still have the protections from the fairies, or do you mean something more?” Leo asked, looking around the room. 

“More. We need Emma to have her magic.” August said nervously. Emma spun around at this point. 

“I would like that too, but we explored all the options last time it’s not possible.” Emma crossed her arms. Snow and David exchanged a guilty look. 

“Emma, it is. We just never…” Snow shuddered. 

“None of us could stomach it. There’s a difference,” Emma snapped. 

“The Dark One is gearing up for a fight or some big terrible plan of his. We don’t have a choice. He’s not just a threat to everyone in this room, but also the kingdom,” Graham told her sternly. Emma narrowed her gaze at him. They hadn’t spoken since the ball, he needed space and time to get over her. His tone told her that Graham was still upset with her. 

“Will someone please tell me what is going on? I thought there wasn’t a way to get it back.” Killian only has eyes for Emma. Sometimes she thought that those piercing blue eyes could stare straight through to her soul, like he could see her heart. The rest of the world would melt away when he did that, like nothing else mattered. 

“There isn’t.” 

“There is, technically the spell can be reversed if the spell is not actively holding someone anymore,” David explained, “If the Evil Queen is dead the curse won’t have anything to hold onto, Emma’s magic will come back.” 

“In theory it’s never been confirmed, we think that’s what will happen,” Emma added, shaking her head. 

“Why didn’t this happen?” Killian’s brow furrows, confusion on his face. 

“Snow was almost raised by the woman, and couldn’t. The rest of us…” David trailed off. 

“Didn’t feel right killing someone who was defenseless,” Leo finished for his father. Killian’s gaze snapped toward Emma. 

“You have plenty of loyal knights who I’m sure would do it for you…”

“We don’t do that here,” Snow started, “If the royal family can’t carry out the execution then it doesn’t happen. We can’t ask our men to do what we aren’t willing to do.” Emma was perched on the windowsill, her hands gripping the edge. 

“I’ll do it.” Emma’s gaze snapped to Killian. 

“No!” 

“Emma, I told you last night I would do anything to help you with your magic, those weren’t empty words. I have no qualms about killing her, she’s caused you enough pain.” He stood from his spot at the table, turning toward her. 

“It’s too dangerous, the cave she’s kept in has traps all over it. You’ll be lucky to get out alive,” she argued. He can’t be this stupid, this reckless, not for her. 

“I can manage just fine; I have my wits about me.” He dismissed her concerns. 

“I don’t want anyone risking their life for my mistake!” Killian walked over to her at this point, tilting her chin up. 

“I don’t want that bloody Dark One near anyone I care about. I don’t want you defenseless.” 

“I don’t want you dead!” She practically shouted at him, to make him understand. This wasn’t some simple mission, everything with this damn curse had consequences. This would not be the exception.

David cleared his throat and Emma and Killian jumped apart. Emma hadn’t realized how close they were. Killian scratched his ear, a blush evident in his cheeks. 

“I’m serious, Killian. Nothing good will come from going after her. This damn curse has already taken something precious from me, I won’t let it take you too. Please, don’t do it.” Emma wasn’t sure if her pleas were falling on deaf ears, but she couldn’t stand here anymore. She needed a minute to breathe. This man couldn't be ready to go headfirst into danger for her. Emma stalked out of the war room and slammed the door behind her.

#cs #cs au #cs au fic #cs au ff #Captain Swan #captain swan ff #captain swan fic #captian swan #enchanted forest #Enchanted Forest AU #emma swan #killian jones #Princess!Emma #Prince!Killian #enemies to lovers #I hate you but I have to marry you #cs royalty #royalty au

[unfolded73]

Just a Day (1/1) - schitt’s creek ff

Christmas-related fluff, that’s all this is. David and Rachel run into each other and have a talk. Rated G, ~2500 words

David was focused on cookie ingredients with single-minded determination.

Clutching the hand-written list from Marcy, he squinted at the shelf in Patrick’s home-town grocery store (the store where a tiny Patrick had once thrown a screaming tantrum over being denied Froot Loops, if Clint was to be believed), looking for his prey. Spotting the brown sugar, David threw two bags into his cart and moved on to the confectioner’s sugar.

He didn’t have a pen on him, so he tried to mentally check off each item as he put it in the cart. He didn’t want to forget anything for today’s Christmas cookie-baking extravaganza, a Brewer family tradition that David would be participating in for the first time. Rose Apothecary safely in the hands of their two employees for the week, David and Patrick were taking their first Christmas off since they opened the store. Thus, here David was on a quest from his mother-in-law, shopping in an unfamiliar store for cookie ingredients.

David zeroed in on the holiday-themed sprinkles next. (“Just get more red, I have plenty of green,” Marcy had said and then immediately widened her eyes at him in a slightly panicked expression, “unless we should get some Hanukkah colors, David?”) He was so engrossed in the sprinkle options that he didn’t notice the woman staring at him from further down the aisle at first. It wasn’t until he turned to head back to the dairy case that he came face-to-face with the familiar redhead.

Without saying anything, they took each other in. He’d never spoken a word to Rachel, but he recognized her immediately from that one awful afternoon his family tried to have a barbeque to celebrate his relationship with Patrick, and later, pictures of Patrick and Rachel together that peppered the Brewers’ family photo albums. She seemed to recognize him as well, despite the brief time they’d had to take each other in.

“Marcy’s making cookies?” Rachel asked with a smirk and a gesture to his cart, as if they weren’t total strangers who only shared in common that one moment, when David learned Patrick was once engaged and Rachel learned that Patrick was gay. As if they’d already gotten the uncomfortable acknowledgements of who they were to each other out of the way.

David nodded. “Yes, she has a very ambitious list of cookie recipes.”

“Don’t underestimate her; she plans her baking like she’s planning a major military operation.” Because of course Rachel had shared some of these holiday traditions with the Brewers, how could she not have? All of these things that David was attempting to navigate on his absolute best behavior, trying to be the perfect husband and son-in-law, Rachel had already done. For just a second, he hated her for that.

“I have no doubt,” he said.

“Congrats on the…” Rachel gestured vaguely. “I heard you guys got married. And I saw some pictures on Facebook.”

David wrinkled his nose at that — not that she had seen pictures, but that there were apparently pictures from his wedding on Facebook. Probably posted by Marcy herself, if he had to guess, or maybe by one of the cousins. David had carefully edited the pictures he’d chosen to post on his own Instagram and had policed what Alexis posted as well; he hated to think what he might look like in these rogue Facebook pictures he hadn’t been aware of.

“We did, thank you,” he said. He tried to think of what else to say, but everything that occurred to him sounded patronizing.

“You don’t have to look so constipated, David. I’m over him. I moved to Toronto and I’m seeing someone else now.”

“I don’t look…” David sputtered before reining himself in. “I mean, I’m glad. That sounds… nice.”

She laughed. “Yeah, I guess it’s nice. How’s Patrick?”

Perfect. He’s a perfect husband and I can’t believe how lucky I am that we found each other. “He’s good.”

“He’s probably been grumpy over hockey lately, huh?”

He had been, because the Maple Leafs had a very bad start to the season (and the fact that David knew even that much was miraculous), but he hated that Rachel was right. “Is that the sport with the sticks?” he said, falling back on his I-don’t-follow-sports persona. Rachel rolled her eyes at him.

There was a part of David that wanted to sit Rachel down and split a bottle of wine (or two) with her and learn everything about Patrick that she knew and he didn’t. All the things that came out of that shared history they had together that David could only know from stories. But there was another part of David that rejected the very premise. The Patrick that Rachel had known wasn’t the real Patrick.

He started to wheel his cart forward again, slowly and with a tilt of his head to indicate she should walk with him. “So you’re in town visiting your family, I presume?” he asked her.

“Yeah. First time bringing the boyfriend home to meet my family, so that’s a whole thing. But we’re just doing the normal Christmas thing, you know. ”

He didn’t know, as neither his experiences with Christmas when the Roses were still rich nor his experiences in Schitt’s Creek fit into the rubric of ‘normal Christmas,’ but he assumed whatever Rachel was talking about fit into the same basic mold as his last couple of days with the Brewers. David nodded.

“This is the first Christmas we’ve been able to get away,” David volunteered. “We finally have enough staff to cover the store.” Then it occurred to him that Rachel might not know anything about the store if she hadn’t talked to Patrick since her one tragic visit to Schitt’s Creek. “We run the general store in town? We sell—”

“I know,” she said, and then averted her eyes to the rows of egg cartons they were passing, which made David stop and look at his list. He needed eggs.

“I follow you guys on Instagram. The store, I mean. I follow the store. I was just… curious what Patrick was doing for a living. And the pictures you post are pretty and sort of… soothing? So I still follow the account.”

David beamed at that as he picked up a carton of eggs and put them in his basket — he worked hard on the Instagram aesthetic for the store, an activity that Patrick occasionally roasted him for. He couldn’t wait to tell him that Rachel followed the Rose Apothecary account because she found it soothing.

Rachel reached over and picked up David’s eggs and opened the carton, scanning the contents. “You have to check and see if any are broken,” she explained. “Also, are twelve eggs enough?”

He threw up his hands. “The list doesn’t say — what do you think, should i get another dozen?”

“Yeah, get another dozen.”

He grabbed a carton, opening it and scanning the eggs for breaks the way Rachel had. “We’ve started carrying local eggs at the store,” he told her. “I didn’t want to at first, but we have a farmer who delivers them to us, and the markup on eggs is better than I thought it would be.”

“I’m glad Patrick’s happy,” Rachel said. “I know you probably don’t believe me, but—”

“In the years I’ve known him, Patrick’s never said a bad word about you, so I have no reason not to believe that you wish him the best.” He checked his list again. “I need to get butter. Marcy did put an amount here,” he said, showing Rachel the list, “but it seems patently ridiculous.”

Rachel laughed. “Four pounds? No, that’s probably right.”

“I’m going to gain so much weight on this trip,” David groaned, moving his cart again.

“Thank you for saying that, about Patrick not speaking ill of me. I worried for a while after that terrible visit to Schitt’s Creek that I’d fucked up his relationship. Especially when a long time went by and his parents didn’t seem to know anything about you guys being a couple.”

David made a weird half-laughing, half-groaning noise. “That’s a whole other long story. But no, you didn’t fuck anything up.” He began loading butter into his cart. “I almost fucked everything up by being an insecure ass about it.”

“He probably should have told you about his past, though,” Rachel said, grabbing a pound of butter for her own cart.

“Yes, well, it’s all ancient history now.” He headed toward the milk and grabbed a gallon.

“Did he ever tell you what he told me about you that day?” Rachel asked, and despite it all being in the past, David’s heart sped up, his palms getting sweaty on the grocery cart handle.

“I don’t remember. I never asked,” David said, rooted there in the dairy section, next to the half and half and the whipping cream.

“This was after he told me you guys were dating, and he gave me his official coming-out speech, I guess. And I shouted at him for not telling me before, and he said he hadn’t realized, and…” She waved her hand to dismiss that memory. “It was very hard to hear, that he’d never felt for me what I felt for him in all those years.”

“I’m sorry,” David said.

“That’s not the part I wanted to tell you. The part I wanted to tell you was that he said he’d fallen in love with you, that already he was imagining spending the rest of his life with you, even though he knew it was too soon to tell you any of that yet.” She smiled. “Since you’re married now I guess the cat is out of the bag, but still, I wanted to tell you how all-in Patrick was, even back then.”

David felt himself tearing up, and he did not want to cry in the dairy case of this grocery store, but it was a lot, hearing that. That Patrick had said he was in love with him, even back then, months before ‘I love you’ became a regular part of their vocabulary. “Thank you for telling me,” he whispered.

“I was horribly jealous of you and I hated you for a while,” Rachel said. “Sorry.”

David scoffed at that. “Oh, don’t worry about that, I’ve been hated by a lot of people in my life.”

“And for the record, you seem to be taking good care of him. I stopped hating you.”

David smirked, turning his cart back toward the baking aisle to get the chocolate chips he’d forgotten. “He takes care of me most of the time.”

“Okay, well, I’m going that way,” Rachel said, pointing over to another part of the store. “It was good to see you, David.”

“You too, Rachel. Merry Christmas.”

~*~

“Hey, do you need mfph—” David interrupted Patrick’s greeting with a kiss, a tote bag in each hand not stopping him from wrapping his arms around his husband and fusing their mouths together. As he pulled away, he saw Marcy glancing at them and smiling before she turned back to the dishes she was washing.

“Yes, I need some help bringing in the groceries,” David said.

‘Okay,” Patrick said mildly, but his eyes said he knew something was up with his husband. David set the totes he was carrying down on the kitchen table and then followed Patrick out to the car.

“Everything okay, David?” Patrick asked as soon as they were out of earshot from his mother.

“Yeah.” But then he stopped and faced Patrick as they stood at the trunk of the car. “Have I ever told you when I realized I might be in love with you?”

Patrick grinned. “I think you told me it was when I sang to you at our first open mic night.”

David put his hands on Patrick’s shoulders, his fingers working gently at the muscles underneath his sweater. “Okay, that was probably when I fell totally and completely in love with you. But there was another moment, before that.”

Patrick wrapped his arms around David’s waist. “Oh yeah?”

“Mm hmm.”

Patrick kissed him gently, just a soft peck of lips on lips. “When was that?”

“It was just a normal day at the store. You’d been helping Alexis study for a test and we had to stay late to do inventory, but I just remember looking over at you and thinking that I was falling in love with you. And then being really freaked out by that thought.”

“I wish I could remember the day you’re talking about,” Patrick said wistfully.

“It was just a day.” David gave him another kiss before disengaging from Patrick and grabbing two more bags to carry into the house. “You should call Rachel,” he blurted.

Patrick shot him a confused look. “I should what?”

“You’ve known each other your whole lives. It just seems a shame to throw that friendship away because—”

“Because I broke her heart?” Patrick said, holding the door open for David.

“She’s over it,” David said, setting the rest of his bags down. On Patrick’s raised eyebrow, he explained. “I saw her at the grocery store. She’s got a boyfriend from Toronto in town with her, apparently. Anyway, I think it would be good for you two to be friends again. ”

Patrick seemed to consider this. “Okay, I’ll call her. Maybe the four of us could go for drinks or something.”

“David, thank you so much for doing the shopping,” Marcy was saying as she unpacked and organized his haul. “Are you ready to learn to bake cookies?”

“Marcy, are you ready for the havoc I’m likely to wreak in your kitchen?”

She gave him a gentle slap on the arm. “I think I can keep you in line, David. Now let me show you how to use the electric mixer.”

David spent the next couple of hours laboring away with Marcy while Patrick went to play hockey with some of his cousins and Clint read a book by the fire. And there was a moment, later, when it struck him. He was chewing on a ginger cookie that he had made with his own hands in the warm embrace of his mother-in-law’s kitchen when his husband came in the front door, scarf secured around his neck and ruddy-cheeked from the cold, and David thought, I’m happier than I’ve ever been in my life. It wasn’t a scary thought. It didn’t portend doom they way he used to think that his rare optimistic thoughts did. Today was just a day in a long line of days with the love of his life, stretched out into the future. David brought Patrick a cookie and kissed him on the cheek and smiled.

#david x patrick ff #david x patrick fic #schitt's creek ff #schitt's crek fic #my fic

[zoeykallus]

Hunter - Dirty Lillte Thief 19 - Old Wounds And Broken Hearts

Hunter x FemReader Multi Chapter FF

AC: Repost/New post because of an Update I had to make. There was a whole chunk missing because I forgot to copy it out of my docs after translating my stuff and tumblr didn't let me overwork/correct my own post, yet again.

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Warnings: Sexual Themes Mentioned (18+)/Angst/Fluff/Jealous Hunter

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Ko-Fi (If you feel like giving me some coffee)

_____________

>Master List<

_____________

WHAT HAPPENED BEFORE:

Dirty Little Thief

Part 2 -Fairplay

Part 3- What We Do Not Admit

Part 4 - Provocative

Part 5 - Fighting And Loving

Part 6 - Scorching Hot

Part 7 - Keep It Together

Part 8 - Give Me More

Part 9 - Don’t You Dare

Part 10 - Hurt

Part 11 - Say You Won’t Miss Me

Part 12 - Still A Dirty Little Thief

Part 13 – In The Shadows

Part 14 - Burning Bridges

Part 15 – Under A Red Sun

Part 16 – See You Again

Part 17 - Reunion

Part 18 - I Missed You

This sexual encounter between you and Hunter had been so much more intense than ever before, even if it was a bit rushed. But even more uncomfortable you felt about the fact, that this togetherness could not end properly, your orgasm had just barely ended, as you've been disturbed.

At first, you feel a little uncomfortable looking at Echo, you are sure that when he was looking for Hunter, just before he said something to you, he must have heard something, maybe even seen something.

You know Echo is not a peeping Tom, he is of the decent sort, but to approach Hunter about this important matter, he must have been nearby, waiting.

Your eyes meet briefly, and an annoying little voice in the back of your head tells you that Echo knows Hunter's sperm is dripping into your panties.

You hope you get time to wash up and put on some fresh clothes as soon as possible.

Hunter turns to you and says, to your relief, "Hey, um, why don't you go freshen up. It's just a bunch of locals, mostly farmers on their way here, nothing exciting."

You try not to let on how damn relieved you are and slip into the refresher. To your surprise, Hunter has clean clothes ready. He hasn't disposed of your stuff, even after two years; he's kept everything.

You smile in satisfaction as you step into the shower.

As you come out of the refresher, you hear Hunter talking to someone. You pause and listen. "Since the Empire rose, you've practically been on your own, on the run?" You know that voice, at first you can't immediately place it, but you know it, clearly. You hear Hunter grumble, then he answers, "More or less, yes. Are you hiding from the Empire here, too?" "Pretty much, yeah. This planet doesn't offer much except farmland, there's no mineral resources, nothing to mine or exploit, that's why the Empire isn't interested in us so far. It's a very simple life, a quiet one, but also a free and peaceful one" "Doesn't sound so bad," Wrecker notes. You cautiously approach the voices, carefully pushing past Wrecker and finally standing next to Hunter. When you see the face to the voice, you realize why it sounded familiar. At first Hunter's counterpart looks flabbergasted, then he smiles broadly and when he says your name, everyone perks up, and you feel Hunter tense a little beside you. "Damn, I didn't think you'd ever leave this dead, dry planet alive," the man standing in front of you says to you.

He has a slight shadow of a beard, intense blue eyes, amber hair, he is well-built, large strong hands, the hands of a laborer, rough and calloused. He is about Hunter's height, maybe an inch or two taller, but hardly remarkably taller. His face was still as perfect as ever, except for the shadow of his beard and a smudge of dirt on his right cheek. His cheekbones high but not too high, broad strong chin, eyes the perfect angle and distance apart. Strong but straight even nose, thick full hair. Not to forget the perfectly matching voice, deep, very slightly gravelly but gentle. "Kenjam Dennolli," you say with a sigh. "You know each other?" asks Hunter cautiously. Dennolli laughs and says, "You could say that." "He's my ex-boyfriend," you say, rolling your eyes.

Hunter next to you tenses. "Meaning, we know each other very well. Theoretically, we never broke up," Dennolli says, laughing.

You look at the man with the goggles.

"Of all the damn planets we could have ended up on, it had to be this one," you grumble in Tech's direction. Tech looks up indignantly from his holopad and says, "This is a moon. You act like this is my fault." Dennolli laughs again, "Still temperamental and argumentative I see." You glare at him angrily and say, "Breaking up wasn't necessary, Ken, because you just ran off the planet and I had no way of following you."

Out of the corner of your eye, you see Echo wave the others along, leaving you and Hunter alone with Ken. Echo was always reliable when it came to getting some privacy, most of the time. Ken looks at you, not quite as amused as before, as he says, "I didn't go willingly, you know the Hutts were after me. I had to take the first chance I got, and taking you with me would have put you on Jabba's hit list as well." "Excuses," you growl softly, automatically standing closer to Hunter, as if some part of you is subconsciously seeking mental, emotional protection from him. Hunter senses that you're seeking his closeness, more or less half-hiding behind him, your behavior suggesting that you're still hurt and don't really want to work through this situation right now. He is not sure if he is relieved or worried. Even a blind man can see that Kenjam Dennolli is handsome and charismatic, Hunter thinks silently, annoyed.

Ken sighs and says quietly to you, "You know that's not true, that's not an excuse. And I've missed you a lot" "That was almost five years ago, Ken, I've been over it for a long time".

Ken says softly, "I'm happy for you, really, it's good you were able to move forward, I couldn't."

Hunter at your side becomes even more tense, you even see a vein on his neck. Was he jealous? You've never seen Hunter jealous before, not that you know of. Something is bubbling under his surface, you feel it clearly in the Force, something intense, it feels almost sharp, as if you could cut yourself on it if you got too close to him at the moment. And yet, you draw closer.

"Like I said," you say coolly, leaning meaningfully against Hunter's shoulder, "I've been over this a long time."

Ken blinks, then smiles humorlessly and says, "I understand. You two are therefore-"

"Indeed," Hunter grumbles.

Ken, clearly sensing Hunter's tension, laughs softly and nods.

"Okay, that's nice for you guys. Getting together for old times' sake tonight is probably a no-go then."

Hunter says coolly, "Certainly," and crosses his arms in front of his chest.

There is a small, awkward pause in which no one says anything, the two men look at each other, scrutinize and assess. You sense melancholy and an old longing, in Ken, like sweet, heavy wine. Hunter exudes sharpness and hardness, also a small bitter undertone of fear.

Again, your ex nods and finally says, "Okay, I think I overstayed my welcome for today. I'll better head back to work anyway. It was good to see you again."

You don't really know what to say to that, feeling a little uncomfortable in your own skin, so you keep quiet and watch Ken walk away. Finally, Hunter stirs beside you.

"Your ex, huh? Good-looking fellow," he growls.

You raise your eyebrows questioningly and look at him.

"Yeah, so? Did you expect me to be hanging out with ugly men before I started dating you?"

Hunter rolls his eyes, sighs softly, but finally looks at you, with a calm, gentle expression.

"No, it just feels weird"

"What do you mean?"

Hunter shrugs cautiously and explains, "We just got back together after being apart for a long time. It's all still fresh and suddenly this striking, handsome guy shows up. That's when a man in my situation feels a little pressured."

"Why?" you ask curiously.

Hunter steps closer, grabs your hands, plays with your fingers and says, "Imagine it the other way around. A gorgeous woman suddenly shows up here, and you're confronted with the fact that she's my ex and still interested in me."

You frown unwillingly. You don't like the idea at all.

"Do you have an ex like that?" you ask cautiously.

Hunter laughs and says, "No, but that's not the point. Just imagine it for a minute, and you'll understand how it feels to me right now."

You sigh softly, of course you can understand, but Hunter has no reason to worry, certainly not about Kenjam Dennolli.

You release your hands from his and wrap your arms around his shoulders, gently kissing along his jaw to his ear and finally whisper, "You can be absolutely sure that my heart, body and soul are yours alone, Hunter."

You feel Hunter shiver softly and shortly thereafter close his arms tightly around you.

@moonstrider9904

@photogirl894

@chlorine-claws

@chxpsi

@nunanuggets

@the-sith-in-the-sky-with-diamond

@mybigfatspoonielife

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@i-donot-want-it

@nekotaetae

@misogirl828

@tech-deck

@thebahdbitch

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@revan-posting

@ladyemxo

@graciexmarvel

@ttzamara

@arctrooper69

@agenteliix

@puppetswithteeth

@greaser-wolf

@justanothersadperson93

@hated-by-me

@malicemercy

#star wars #tbb #the bad batch #clone force 99 #sw tbb #tbb tech #crosshair #bad batch tech #tech #clonelove #wrecker #echo #hunter #bad batch hunter #hunter bad batch #hunter tbb #hunter the bad batch #hunter x reader #hunter x you #sergeant hunter #sergeant hunter x reader #sergeant hunter x you #tbb hunter #tbb hunter x reader #the bad batch hunter

[rosesxandxthorns]

◈ ~ Juan x Val (Farmer AU)

Send a ◈ for a first kiss between our muses.

@connectedstrangers

“You know you really didn’t have to do this.” Val could never thank Juan enough to letting Aurora follow him around the farm while she filmed but it was a whole nothing thing to make the pair dinner. The little girl had set life down to a science when it came to keeping out of trouble and hanging out in the trailer with one of the other cast members watching movies and coloring when her mom was busy but this was the first time she’d made a new friend that didn’t work on set. Really Val liked Juan he was fun to spend time with and he’d made her dinner more than once. But he’d somehow gained a second shadow with Aurora who liked to follow after him and Lobo like it was her new job.

Juan put a plate down in front of Aurora before looking at Val with a smile. “Well she worked hard today checking on all the animals with me and she helped cook.” He shrugged before helping the little girl scoot her chair a little closer to the table. “You can’t tell the chef she can’t have what she made.” 

Looking up at her mom Aurora nodded. “We cooked and I picked the veggies.” 

Val smiled before leaning down and kissing the top of her daughters head. “Alright, we can have dinner. I’m going to go make a plate, do not give Lobo your veggies Aurora. I’ll know if you did.” Heading to the kitchen with Juan she looked over at him. “She really likes spending time with you but you know you don’t have to be the one keeping an eye on her. You’ve done a lot of us.. for me while we’ve been filming and I don’t want you to think I’m taking advantage.” Because she didn’t want to but at the same time she knew her daughter loved spending time with him and learning about the farm. 

He nodded. “I know, it’s nice having someone to teach things to and Lobo likes having someone to run around with. You aren’t taking advantage or asking for more than I’m willing to do. Aurora is a sweet girl and if it helps you I’m happy to have her running around the farm with me.” Juan shrugged as he started to grab a plate for Val only to pause when the brunette moved closer to him. 

It was rash and could very well end badly but when he turned more towards her the brunette leaned up and pressed her lips against his. There seemed to be a pause before his hand was in her hair and Juan was kissing back. It wasn’t what she expected but Val wasn’t going to complain for a moment about it. When she finally pulled back her cheeks were flushed and it took her a moment to catch her breath. “I um... I should check on her. She’s totally sneaking Lobo food ff her plate.” 

Reaching up he brushed his fingers against her jaw before nodding. “I wouldn’t doubt that at all.” Juan leaned forward and lightly kissed her again. “I’ll bring out a plate for you.”

#connectedstrangers #muse:val #meme:val #answered ask:val #ship:val #ship: val x juan

[bookenders]

15 Questions Tag

I’ve let this one sit in my drafts for a long, loooong time. Tagged by @vhum ages ago - thanks! 

Rules: Pick a character from your WIP, and have them answer these 15 questions, then tag 15 people!

Bilbo Taggins: @abalonetea, @half-explored, @waterfallwritings, @kowlazovdi, @writinginslowmotion, @sundaynightnovels, @azawrites, @tricksexual, @leftover-starlight, @estroniaidwrites, @writing-every-other-star, @ink-and-petrichor, @writingonesdreams, @novel-scribe, @holotones

It’s finally time to introduce Fish Food’s antagonist: 

Nightmare!

[Interview provided after careful consideration and with the kind permission of The C.I.I.P.]

1. What is your full name?

Careful, dove, or you’ll find yourself at the bottom of somewhere dark and... cryptic.

2. What does your name mean, then?

That depends on how Biblical you want to get. Let’s just say it’s an old word.

As for my code name? I like to leave that up to the imagination.

3. What are your nicknames/other names?

I don’t like to get friendly with reporters.

Look how that turned out for all the comic book heroes. Wouldn’t want something to happen to you, now would we?

4. What’s your gender?

I use she/her pronouns, if that’s what you’re asking. Everyone knows gender is an institutionalized social construct with a meaningless binary.

But I’m a woman, if that wasn’t what you were asking, which, honestly, dear, it should’ve been.

5. What’s your sexuality?

I know this is important for some people to know, but it isn’t, in my case. You’d be surprised to know that my personal life is really pretty bland. Including the gentlemen I date in my free time.

6. Where are you from?

Not too far. I have ancestry in Ireland.

7. How old are you?

Be glad this isn’t in person, or you’d find out just how intrusive someone is allowed to be when I’m around.

I wonder what it’d be for you. Heights? Bats? Illness?

No. I’d put money on isolation and ignorance. Being a journalist, and all.

How close am I?

8. What is your magic form/What designation are you?

Grab a newspaper and see for yourself.

Our naming conventions are really quite simple and self-explanatory.

The Coalition has assigned me to the Manipulation Class with the Mental Power Set designation. Not very creative, if you ask me.

9. What does your human form look like?

Why do you think I wear a mask, honey? Not to hide these cheekbones, that’s for sure.

10. What’s your aesthetic?

I do a good job at not being caught by cameras, don’t I? But there’s always a slip every so often. I think there’s one photograph out there of me turning around a street corner. You can see the back of my head - mask, I mean - and my left foot. Dark boots, dark hood, dark half-mask. Red everything else.

Not very inventive, I know. C.I.I.P. really needs to step up on the costumes front, if you ask me.

Outside of work, I’m one of those flowery, kimono-wearing hippy dippy young ladies. Like a farmer’s market hipster who actually gives a crap about the environment. 

I wear pink even though it clashes with my hair because what’s life without a little conflict, huh?

[A:NTMR59 - meeting scheduled with C:DRCTR - see comm attachment]

11. Who’s your best friend?

Again, dear, remember the comic book characters.

But there is someone I talk to every once in a while. Not as much as I used to, though. Since I started with the Council, I’ve been quite occupied. I try to make time for a call every few weeks or so. They’re good people. 

Good people deserve friends who can be there.

12. Would you ever get a piercing/tattoo?

Once upon a time, maybe. Now, though? No way in hell. It’s actually banned, as per my contract.

13. When are you happiest?

I [REDACTED] two weekends every month. It’s also in my contract that I get that time off unless there’s an emergency or unavoidable event. 

[Be careful, A:NTMR59.]

14. What’s your biggest secret?

I love dogs. I’m also a literal small town girl, but I think the dogs thing is more important.

15. Do you have a sidekick?

I‘m one of the few villains who never had a henchperson. My power set isn’t conducive to outside help. In the beginning, when I was fresh, they might’ve gotten caught in the crossfire. And we generally don’t like hurting our own team members.

(Yeah, I know the general term is “henchmen” but come on, we live in the goddamn future. I stand by whoever graffitis the Coalition posters and paints over “mankind” with “stop it you Biffs.”)

+1. After so many years spent avoiding the press and living under the radar, what made you accept this offer to interview with a local reporter?

It’s important to support local businesses. 

Everyone else got to do one, so why shouldn’t I have the same chance? It’s not like people are beating down my door to ask me personal questions.

Outside of the COH interrogators, I mean.

Lovely bunch.

xxx,

Nightmare

[Tag List and WIP Info under the cut:]

WIP Intro Post | FF WIP Tag | WIP Page | PowerPoint Intro

Character Tags: Iron Will | Overseer | Lithium | Babylon | Nightmare | Sparkplug

OC Intro Post:  Phase 1 | Phase 2

Individual Intros:

Phase 1 (Main Cast): Iron Will | Overseer | Lithium |  Babylon | Nightmare

Phase 2 (Supporting Cast): Sparkplug | Battalion | Ferro

***

[Let me know if you want to be added or removed!]

Fish Food Tag List:  @theevolutionofledarose, @kriss-the-writing-nerd, @quilloftheclouds, @waterfallwritings, @dontwritethatone, @aeschknight, @abalonetea, @ladywithalamp, @writevevo, @danger-writes, @disfunctionaldeity-writes, @sunlight-and-starskies, @writing-every-other-star, @shadeshadow234, @jaimistoryteller, @leave-her-a-tome

#writeblr #amwriting #my wip #wip #writers on tumblr #writers of tumblr #tag game #15 questions tag #15 questions #15 questions tag game #Fish Food #original fiction #original writing #FF Nightmare #oc #my oc #character intro

[ff-translations]

FF translations: Lion’s Head Fondness Story II

Visitor From the Capitol

　　It has been half a month since Mandarin Squirrel Fish has left for the Royal Capital, and my life has been the same as before. I’m still making Lanterns for the children in the city, learning machinery making from Master, and researching how to improve on connecting machines with lanterns.

　　But today, it’s a little different.

　　「Master, just listen, we are--」

　　「I won’t accept what you have to offer, go home.」

　　「Master, don’t you wish to know the truth!」

　　「Lion’s Head, send the guest away.」

　　「Yes——」

　　The main door closed with a bang, and Steamed WuChang Fish was still not giving up at the soon closing threshold, wishing for master to give him a chance.

　　I set down the freshly shaved dowel in my hand, clapped my hands together to tug him to the courtyard and lowered my voice.

　　「Please don’t knock on the door anymore, if Master has no interest in you, he would not care about you. 」

　　「I have something important to plead of from the master, do you know of any way that he would see me?」

　　「……I don’t know why Master sent you out, but he is a man who is soft hearted. If you come a few more times, let him see your determination, he will agree to you. 」

　　「Really?」

　　「But of course, that is how I clung on to the master so that he would accept me as his disciple…...cough cough, don’t let him hear that I taught you this.」

　　「Thank you so much, I’ll come back soon.」

　　WuChang Fish left after hearing my words, and when he returned, he managed to make it in time while master was going out to look for a material, and he wouldn’t come back in a short period of time.

　　Seeing WuChang Fish’s disappointed expression, I didn’t have it in me to tell him that I think master only left to avoid him.

　　But, this also coincidentally gave me a chance to understand master.

　　WuChang Fish told me that Master used to be a hydraulics engineer. Even though he came from a family that is diminishing, he would still stand by the side of the people, helping them with a lot of things, causing the people to love him deeply. But because of this, he suffered through discrimination by his peers, and there were people who framed him of stealing for his own gain.

　　In a fit of rage, master then quit his job and went into a life of seclusion, moving to the countryside so research the art of machinery which he has learnt since his youth, improved on many farmers’ tools, and in turn benefited even more people.

　　「I have never heard master’s story before, so it’s like that…...no wonder master never goes to the Royal Capitol, and never meets anyone from there. Speaking of, why are you looking for master?」

　　「My friend…...Master’s only son, was sacrificed in a “battle”. I wish that I could get some help from Master in order to get revenge, and…... because of him and also because of the ideals of the warriors fighting to make this country a better place. I thought master would understand.」

　　WuChang Fish’s expression was a little bitter, he really didn’t think that he would be stuck here. I patted his shoulder and tried to comfort him.

　　「Master always said, everyone has a life, and everyone will follow their respective paths, other people cannot interfere with that. Maybe Master thinks that that was the path that your friend chose, so he feels that there wouldn’t be any meaning in revenge.」

　　「But that is for a better country! Master himself has also gone through a dark path in the Capitol, that imperial court that is under control…..sooner or later it will be the downfall of this country.」

　　「Then what do you wish Master would do?」

　　「The dams that master built back then has never been destroyed by the current once, so the people still remember him in their hearts. But one should always think ahead, the one who has the hearts of the people would have everything; if only master used his machinery for the people, then we can have the hearts of the people, let them join our battlefront, and change this situation where our country is being monopolised, creating a country that is more beneficial for the people.」

　　I couldn’t understand the things that WuChang Fish said, but when he was talking about his ideals, his excited state affected me, making me feel like I would be taking part in a great cause if I helped him.

　　「When Master comes back, I will let you know. But whether or not master will be moved by what you say, that will be all on you. Oh yeah, you’re from the Royal Capitol, right?」

　　「Mm…...In a way, yes. Why?」

　　「I have a friend, her name is Mandarin Squirrel Fish. She left for the Royal Capitol because she heard of rumours that people are hunting food souls in the Capitol, do you know of this matter? Even though she rarely ever contacts me when she’s on her adventures, but this situation makes me a little worried…...do you have any friends there? Can you help me ask around about her?」

　　As soon as my voice quietened, I realised that WuChang Fish looked a little panicked.

　　「I’ll write a letter to investigate your friend’s situation as soon as I get back, you don’t have to worry too much. 」

　　I nodded my head, and talked to WuChang Fish for a bit before sending him off.

　　I don’t know why, although WuChang Fish’s words told me to not worry, I still had an unshakeable bad feeling.

　　Mandarin Squirrel Fish should be okay, right……?

#ff translations #ff lion's head #food fantasy lion's head #food fantasy translated

[tes-trash-blog]

A Small, Slightly Buzzed Rebuttal

I once saw a take on the Civil War, one that tried rather hard (and, in my mildly buzzed opinion, rather shoddily) to justify Ulfric’s actions.

They pointed to his grief, the fact that he was in prison when his father died. They said “yeah, he should’ve been in prison, because war crimes, but his dad died and he wasn’t allowed to go to the funeral :(”

To be honest, that’s about as far as I got before some booze-buried part of me began to reach out to my frontal lobe and demand attention. I should probably seek a therapist.

Instead, I did some reading into the Markarth Incident. And then I remembered the quest No One Escapes From Cidhna Mine.

Allow me to begin with the Markarth Incident, as this is where the OP whose name escapes me began. In fact, allow me to begin at the founding of the Reach as a province of Skyrim.

The Reach was a small province in what is now known as Skyrim, first inhabited by Nedes or Altmer (or both, and possibly Falmer given that the Forgotten Vale is just north of them), invaded by Atmora, then invaded by Dwemer up until they disappeared to Divines-Know-Where. Here’s where the Reachmen come into play. They survived all matter of invasions from Reman Cyrodiil and the Second Empire, enjoyed a brief period of invading themselves, but where ultimately kicked in their collective asses by Tiber Septim, back when he was known as Talos/Hjatli Early-Beard/What have you. Again, the Nords had the Reachmen, a vaguely matriarchal and magical society, under their steel boot.

Now comes the.. fun part. When the Thalmor-Empire War broke out (aka the Great War), the Reachmen seized this opportunity to reclaim the Reach. This was short lived. Ulfric, leading a militia, overtook the Reach and the Reachmen who had finally claimed the land that had been theirs for thousands of years (where does this sound familiar..?). Rumor has it that he used the Voice to bring the Reachmen to heel.

(Keep in mind that the Greybeards are against using the Voice for war. Yes, it was used in the Dragon War, but Ulfric’s tutors sought to use the Voice as a means for enlightenment.)

Now, comes the part where I need to put an obligatory TW: Torture, child killing and rape.

Keeping in mind that this is written by an Imperial scholar, and prone to certain colorings, I found this excerpt from “The Bear of Markarth”:

[..] Native women were tortured to give up names of Forsworn fighters who had fled the city or were in the hills of the Reach. Anyone who lived in the city, Forsworn and Nord alike, were executed if they had not fought with Ulfric and his men when they breached the gates. "You are with us, or you are against Skyrim" was the message on Ulfric's lips as he ordered the deaths of shopkeepers, farmers, the elderly, and any child old enough to lift a sword that had failed in the call to fight with him.

What caught my eye was that first sentence. Native women being tortured.

In my experience from reading history or paying any attention at all to those subtle phrases people use when talking about something as abjectly horrific as rape, whenever you hear that a woman was tortured, that means rape. It is such a common tactic in war and conquests that there’s a Wikipedia article on it. Here I circle back to the Norse-coded race (ffs they’re called Nords), which uh.. Hate to break it to you, but raped. Often.

To put it plainly, Ulfric allowed the rape of women. He may or may not have even participated in this. Some visceral part of me leans to “yes, he did”.

Before you say “This is Imperial propaganda”, I would like to point your attention to a personal favorite quest of mine, No One Escapes Cidhna Mine. In the mines, you meet a Reachman by the name of Braig. With the exception of Madanach, he had been in the Silver Blood mines for the longest time. You ask him why he’s there, and he tells you:

I had a daughter, once. She'd be 23 this year. [...] The Nords didn't care who was and who wasn't involved in the Forsworn Uprising. I had spoken to Madanach once, that was enough. But my little Aethra didn't want to see her papa leave her. She pleaded to the Jarl to take her instead. And after they made me watch as her head rolled off the block, they threw me in here anyway, to dig up their silver.

This collaborates what Arrianus Arius was mentioning in his book. The slaughter of children, from the Nords who overtook the Reach.

Yes, the Jarl at the time was Imperial-aligned by the time the Civil War broke out. However, he was an ally of Stormcloak during the Markarth Incident, and for an undetermined amount of time. He was involved with the Incident directly, and has his own hatreds against the Reachmen. Aethra’s blood is as much on his hands as the executioner’s axe, as Ulfric’s own dripping red arms.

And if you side with the Stormcloaks, and if you free Skyrim under the shriveled reach of the Empire, the Silver-Bloods claim Jarldom. Which.. Well, I’ll let Ingold do the talking here:

The Imperials were weak. They created this Forsworn problem, but now that we're in charge we'll solve it. Once the war is over, I'll petition Ulfric to send the militia and we'll cleanse the Reach of this menace. Then the Forsworn will be where they belong. In the mines, bringing us wealth.

Which is.. Rather ironic. Ulfric created the Forsworn “problem” by invading the land that had been theirs for centuries. Furthermore, Stormcloak guardsmen don’t appear to care much for the settlements outside the heavily fortified Markarth:

Let the Forsworn ravage the Reach. Talos favors us. Our victory is assured.

Tell that to the lightly protected Karthwasten, fellas. Maybe that was intentional, as the wealthiest man in Karthwasten is a native of the Reach, and refuses to sell his mine to the Stormcloak-aligned Silver-Bloods. I doubt the writers were that thorough, but I want to believe.

Keep in mind that this isn’t a commendation of the Empire, given their shitty treatment of the Reachmen in the past and the delays they had in recognizing the Reach as a nation-state. I also have my own issues with the Forsworn and their imagery as “savages”, given our own treatment of aboriginal peoples, but this is another drunken rant for another drunken time.

This is, however, critical look at Ulfric Stormcloak, and an often-overlooked part of Skyrim’s history.

(I feel like I should also add, you don’t imprison people for war crimes. You execute them. So.. Ulfric got off easy. You can cry about how “he wasn’t allowed to attend his dad’s funeral”, but he committed crimes against humanity. You aren’t exactly allowed a break from prison for crimes that severe.)

#this one was... trying to say the least #tes #elder scrolls #tw #markarth #reachmen #forsworn #tw: r*pe

[swampusplanet]

@d-o-t-s

             SHREK

                                      Written by

                               William Steig & Ted Elliott

                                    SHREK                         Once upon a time there was a lovely                         princess. But she had an enchantment                         upon her of a fearful sort which could                         only be broken by love's first kiss.                         She was locked away in a castle guarded                         by a terrible fire-breathing dragon.                         Many brave knights had attempted to                         free her from this dreadful prison,                         but non prevailed. She waited in the                         dragon's keep in the highest room of                         the tallest tower for her true love                         and true love's first kiss. (laughs)                         Like that's ever gonna happen. What                         a load of - (toilet flush)

              Allstar - by Smashmouth begins to play. Shrek goes about his               day. While in a nearby town, the villagers get together to go               after the ogre.

              NIGHT - NEAR SHREK'S HOME

                                    MAN1                         Think it's in there?

                                    MAN2                         All right. Let's get it!

                                    MAN1                         Whoa. Hold on. Do you know what that                         thing can do to you?

                                    MAN3                         Yeah, it'll grind your bones for it's                         bread.

              Shrek sneaks up behind them and laughs.

                                    SHREK                         Yes, well, actually, that would be a                         giant. Now, ogres, oh they're much worse.                         They'll make a suit from your freshly                         peeled skin.

                                    MEN                         No!

                                    SHREK                         They'll shave your liver. Squeeze the                         jelly from your eyes! Actually, it's                         quite good on toast.

                                    MAN1                         Back! Back, beast! Back! I warn ya!                         (waves the torch at Shrek.)

              Shrek calmly licks his fingers and extinguishes the torch. The               men shrink back away from him. Shrek roars very loudly and long               and his breath extinguishes all the remaining torches until the               men are in the dark.

                                    SHREK                         This is the part where you run away.                         (The men scramble to get away. He laughs.)                         And stay out! (looks down and picks                         up a piece of paper. Reads.) "Wanted.                         Fairy tale creatures."(He sighs and                         throws the paper over his shoulder.)

              THE NEXT DAY

              There is a line of fairy tale creatures. The head of the guard               sits at a table paying people for bringing the fairy tale creatures               to him. There are cages all around. Some of the people in line               are Peter Pan, who is carrying Tinkerbell in a cage, Gipetto               who's carrying Pinocchio, and a farmer who is carrying the three               little pigs.

                                    GUARD                         All right. This one's full. Take it                         away! Move it along. Come on! Get up!

                                    HEAD GUARD                         Next!

                                    GUARD                         (taking the witch's broom) Give me that!                         Your flying days are over. (breaks the                         broom in half)

                                    HEAD GUARD                         That's 20 pieces of silver for the witch.                         Next!

                                    GUARD                         Get up! Come on!

                                    HEAD GUARD                         Twenty pieces.

                                    LITTLE BEAR                         (crying) This cage is too small.

                                    DONKEY                         Please, don't turn me in. I'll never                         be stubborn again. I can change. Please!                         Give me another chance!

                                    OLD WOMAN                         Oh, shut up. (jerks his rope)

                                    DONKEY                         Oh!

                                    HEAD GUARD                         Next! What have you got?

                                    GIPETTO                         This little wooden puppet.

                                    PINOCCHIO                         I'm not a puppet. I'm a real boy. (his                         nose grows)

                                    HEAD GUARD                         Five shillings for the possessed toy.                         Take it away.

                                    PINOCCHIO                         Father, please! Don't let them do this!                         Help me!

              Gipetto takes the money and walks off. The old woman steps up               to the table.

                                    HEAD GUARD                         Next! What have you got?

                                    OLD WOMAN                         Well, I've got a talking donkey.

                                    HEAD GUARD                         Right. Well, that's good for ten shillings,                         if you can prove it.

                                    OLD WOMAN                         Oh, go ahead, little fella.

              Donkey just looks up at her.

                                    HEAD GUARD                         Well?

                                    OLD WOMAN                         Oh, oh, he's just...he's just a little                         nervous. He's really quite a chatterbox.                         Talk, you boneheaded dolt...

                                    HEAD GUARD                         That's it. I've heard enough. Guards!

                                    OLD WOMAN                         No, no, he talks! He does. (pretends                         to be Donkey) I can talk. I love to                         talk. I'm the talkingest damn thing                         you ever saw.

                                    HEAD GUARD                         Get her out of my sight.

                                    OLD WOMAN                         No, no! I swear! Oh! He can talk!

              The guards grab the old woman and she struggles with them. One               of her legs flies out and kicks Tinkerbell out of Peter Pan's               hands, and her cage drops on Donkey's head. He gets sprinkled               with fairy dust and he's able to fly.

                                    DONKEY                         Hey! I can fly!

                                    PETER PAN                         He can fly!

                                    3 LITTLE PIGS                         He can fly!

                                    HEAD GUARD                         He can talk!

                                    DONKEY                         Ha, ha! That's right, fool! Now I'm                         a flying, talking donkey. You might                         have seen a housefly, maybe even a superfly                         but I bet you ain't never seen a donkey                         fly. Ha, ha! (the pixie dust begins                         to wear off) Uh-oh. (he begins to sink                         to the ground.)

              He hits the ground with a thud.

                                    HEAD GUARD                         Seize him! (Donkey takes of running.)                         After him!

                                    GUARDS                         He's getting away! Get him! This way!                         Turn!

              Donkey keeps running and he eventually runs into Shrek. Literally.               Shrek turns around to see who bumped into him. Donkey looks scared               for a moment then he spots the guards coming up the path. He               quickly hides behind Shrek.

                                    HEAD GUARD                         You there. Ogre!

                                    SHREK                         Aye?

                                    HEAD GUARD                         By the order of Lord Farquaad I am authorized                         to place you both under arrest and transport                         you to a designated resettlement facility.

                                    SHREK                         Oh, really? You and what army?

              He looks behind the guard and the guard turns to look as well               and we see that the other men have run off. The guard tucks tail               and runs off. Shrek laughs and goes back about his business and               begins walking back to his cottage.

                                    DONKEY                         Can I say something to you? Listen,                         you was really, really, really somethin'                         back here. Incredible!

                                    SHREK                         Are you talkin' to...(he turns around                         and Donkey is gone) me? (he turns back                         around and Donkey is right in front                         of him.) Whoa!

                                    DONKEY                         Yes. I was talkin' to you. Can I tell                         you that you that you was great back                         here? Those guards! They thought they                         was all of that. Then you showed up,                         and bam! They was trippin' over themselves                         like babes in the woods. That really                         made me feel good to see that.

                                    SHREK                         Oh, that's great. Really.

                                    DONKEY                         Man, it's good to be free.

                                    SHREK                         Now, why don't you go celebrate your                         freedom with your own friends? Hmm?

                                    DONKEY                         But, uh, I don't have any friends. And                         I'm not goin' out there by myself. Hey,                         wait a minute! I got a great idea! I'll                         stick with you. You're mean, green,                         fightin' machine. Together we'll scare                         the spit out of anybody that crosses                         us.

              Shrek turns and regards Donkey for a moment before roaring very               loudly.

                                    DONKEY                         Oh, wow! That was really scary. If you                         don't mind me sayin', if that don't                         work, your breath certainly will get                         the job done, 'cause you definitely                         need some Tic Tacs or something, 'cause                         you breath stinks! You almost burned                         the hair outta my nose, just like the                         time...(Shrek covers his mouth but Donkey                         continues to talk, so Shrek removes                         his hand.) ...then I ate some rotten                         berries. I had strong gases leaking                         out of my butt that day.

                                    SHREK                         Why are you following me?

                                    DONKEY                         I'll tell you why. (singing) 'Cause                         I'm all alone, There's no one here beside                         me, My problems have all gone, There's                         no one to deride me, But you gotta have                         faith...

                                    SHREK                         Stop singing! It's no wonder you don't                         have any friends.

                                    DONKEY                         Wow. Only a true friend would be that                         cruelly honest.

                                    SHREK                         Listen, little donkey. Take a look at                         me. What am I?

                                    DONKEY                         (looks all the way up at Shrek) Uh ...really                         tall?

                                    SHREK                         No! I'm an ogre! You know. "Grab your                         torch and pitchforks." Doesn't that                         bother you?

                                    DONKEY                         Nope.

                                    SHREK                         Really?

                                    DONKEY                         Really, really.

                                    SHREK                         Oh.

                                    DONKEY                         Man, I like you. What's you name?

                                    SHREK                         Uh, Shrek.

                                    DONKEY                         Shrek? Well, you know what I like about                         you, Shrek? You got that kind of I-don't-care-what-nobody-thinks-of-me                         thing. I like that. I respect that,                         Shrek. You all right. (They come over                         a hill and you can see Shrek's cottage.)                         Whoa! Look at that. Who'd want to live                         in place like that?

                                    SHREK                         That would be my home.

                                    DONKEY                         Oh! And it is lovely! Just beautiful.                         You know you are quite a decorator.                         It's amazing what you've done with such                         a modest budget. I like that boulder.                         That is a nice boulder. I guess you                         don't entertain much, do you?

                                    SHREK                         I like my privacy.

                                    DONKEY                         You know, I do too. That's another thing                         we have in common. Like I hate it when                         you got somebody in your face. You've                         trying to give them a hint, and they                         won't leave. There's that awkward silence.                         (awkward silence) Can I stay with you?

                                    SHREK                         Uh, what?

                                    DONKEY                         Can I stay with you, please?

                                    SHREK                         (sarcastically) Of course!

                                    DONKEY                         Really?

                                    SHREK                         No.

                                    DONKEY                         Please! I don't wanna go back there!                         You don't know what it's like to be                         considered a freak. (pause while he                         looks at Shrek) Well, maybe you do.                         But that's why we gotta stick together.                         You gotta let me stay! Please! Please!

                                    SHREK                         Okay! Okay! But one night only.

                                    DONKEY                         Ah! Thank you! (he runs inside the cottage)

                                    SHREK                         What are you...? (Donkey hops up onto                         a chair.) No! No!

                                    DONKEY                         This is gonna be fun! We can stay up                         late, swappin' manly stories, and in                         the mornin' I'm makin' waffles.

                                    SHREK                         Oh!

                                    DONKEY                         Where do, uh, I sleep?

                                    SHREK                         (irritated) Outside!

                                    DONKEY                         Oh, well, I guess that's cool. I mean,                         I don't know you, and you don't know                         me, so I guess outside is best, you                         know. Here I go. Good night. (Shrek                         slams the door.) (sigh) I mean, I do                         like the outdoors. I'm a donkey. I was                         born outside. I'll just be sitting by                         myself outside, I guess, you know. By                         myself, outside. I'm all alone...there's                         no one here beside me...

              SHREK'S COTTAGE - NIGHT

              Shrek is getting ready for dinner. He sits himself down and lights               a candle made out of earwax. He begins to eat when he hears a               noise. He stands up with a huff.

                                    SHREK                         (to Donkey) I thought I told you to                         stay outside.

                                    DONKEY                         (from the window) I am outside.

              There is another noise and Shrek turns to find the person that               made the noise. He sees several shadows moving. He finally turns               and spots 3 blind mice on his table.

#lexxpocalypse