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dorkofclanlavellan · 8 months

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Break In

Note 1: Requested by an anon a while back. I got inspired after waking up at 3 am and started writing. Then accidentally purged my inbox before I could copy the actual request. Note 2: This is set in the same storyline as Bruce Wayne's Sweetie (I think indirect sequel is the wording I'm looking for) Pairing: Bruce Wayne (Batfleck) x GN!Reader (referred to as Sweetie instead of y/n) Warnings: Mediocre writing skills, Bruce's anxiety over Sweetie, swearing, good ole b&e, mentions of murder, mentions of child abuse, switching POVs. I'm so sorry.

"Of fuckin' course this happens on a Monday." Sweetie swore under their breath as they drove back towards their bakery. "Just don't get pulled over, dummy."

They were almost home when they realized they'd left their cell phone and wallet in the bakery. They didn't like being late monitoring Bruce's patrols. As it was, he had already been on patrol for about an hour.

Little did Sweetie know, as they parked in their usual spot behind the bakery, that the silent alarm had been tripped.

.·:*¨༺ ༻¨*:·.

Bruce had just left the scene of a store hold-up turned to murder, determined to find the killers before the end of the night.

After he was securely in the Batmobile he noticed the alert that someone had tripped the silent alarm to Sweetie's bakery.

"Alfred, has Sweetie shown up yet?" He questioned, a tinge of worry in his voice. He didn't want to jump to any conclusions. Sweetie was the type of person to stop and help turtles cross the road and has come home late with a stray kitten before.

"No, sir, I haven't heard from them. But you know it's not unusual for them." Alfred's response would've almost reassured Bruce.

But after what the Joker did to Dick years ago, and after what he had seen at the convenience store tonight, Bruce couldn't shake the dread in his stomach.

He decided to track their phone, just to be safe, it was one of the things they'd agreed to shortly after he revealed that he was Batman to them. That along with a new security system that was connected directly to him and the GCPD.

Fear squeezed Bruce's heart when he saw that Sweetie's phone was still at the bakery and he immediately began racing towards the bakery. Hoping he wouldn't be too late.

.·:*¨༺ ༻¨*:·.

Sweetie hadn't noticed anything out of the ordinary at first but when they opened the back door of the bakery, they heard a slight rustling noise further into the bakery. Grasping the stun gun Bruce had given them Sweetie moved as silently as possible towards the light switch. When they flipped the lights on, though, the sight before them nearly shattered their heart.

A child. Couldn't be older than 13. He was crouched down by the front display case, which had been pried open with the crowbar at his side next to a dim flashlight, and was wolfing down a loaf of bread that was baked just that afternoon.

Sweetie could see the all too familiar signs that they had personally experienced. Clothes that were in just good enough condition to keep authorities from being notified. A couple of bruises at various stages of healing that could easily be dismissed as normal childhood occurrences, but Sweetie knew better. He was staring at them like a deer in headlights, trying to figure out how to escape.

Pushing back tears that had surfaced along with the memories of their own shitty childhood, Sweetie broke the silence.

"You know that bread won't fill you up very well. Why don't you take a seat and I'll make you a bowl of stew?" They said in a tone that was both gentle and let the kid know that they weren't taking no for an answer.

Sweetie walked around the still-frozen kid, behind the counter. They noticed the register was untouched, as was their wallet which was sitting on the shelf below.

They remembered the silent alarm and put in the code to let the police know it was a false alarm. They then spoke with an officer on the store's phone and assuring him that they had just doubled back to retrieve their phone and wallets and forgot about the alarm.

But knew if Bruce had seen the alert, he wouldn't be satisfied until he showed up and talked with them face to face. Sweetie turned and faced the kid who'd finally stood up but still looked ready to bolt.

"Actually, why don't you join me in the kitchen. You can tell me what you do and don't like." With that said, Sweetie walked into the kitchen and breathed a silent sigh of relief at the sound of the kid reluctantly following them.

The last thing either one of them needed was for Batman to come barging in and scaring the shit out of an already terrified kid.

Sweetie made sure to position themselves between the kitchen door and the kid while they got everything together to make stew.

.·:*¨༺ ༻¨*:·.

Bruce found himself wishing the Batmobile to move faster or at least for the bakery to not be on the other side of Gotham. The longer it took for him to reach Sweetie, the more terrified and enraged he became. If anything happened to Sweetie, the person responsible would be given no mercy.

"Sir, it would seem that the alarm at the bakery has been classified as a false alarm." Alfred's voice interrupted Bruce's dark thoughts. As Alfred read off the officer's notes on the phone call. Bruce noted that while it did sound like something Sweetie would do, he didn't believe it to be the case.

He was still going, as far as he was concerned, Sweetie had claimed false alarm under duress.

Once he finally reached the bakery, he couldn't get inside fast enough. He didn't notice the lights were on until he busted open the back door.

He was very confused when he didn't see anyone in the main area. Especially after spotting a crowbar on the floor next to a flashlight and Sweetie's phone on the counter.

Then he heard noises coming from the kitchen and followed the sounds as quickly but quietly as he could. He didn't want to risk the perp harming Sweetie if they were a hostage.

.·:*¨༺ ༻¨*:·.

"When's the last time you had a proper meal, kid?" Sweetie asked casually while chopping up a carrot for the stew.

"I get free lunches at school." The kid mumbled.

Sweetie had learned that once the kid had realized they weren't going to hurt him, he had taken on a surly demeanor that almost made them laugh. They knew the kid was putting on a tough act and they knew why. Their brother was the same way.

"My dad kept a lock on the fridge that only he had the key to. During the summer my brother and I only ate peanut butter sandwiches, instant ramen, and whatever candy bars we could shoplift." Sweetie informed the kid, which seemed to get his attention. "And if he caught us with a stolen candy bar or trying to get in the fridge, he had this paddle he made at the lumber yard he worked at for a while. It had been painted blue and wrapped in blue tape. He'd made us watch as he wrote our names on it in Sharpie. My brother tried hiding it once, my dad just used a bat on him until he revealed where he hid it. Sure it was a plastic one, not a real one but still."

Sparing a glance over their shoulder at the kid, they could see the look on his face that confirmed what they already suspected.

"Do you like celery?" They asked, changing the subject for a moment. After getting his answer, Sweetie resumed making the stew.

They heard the kitchen door open and based on the gasp and scrambling noises coming from the kid's direction, they already knew who it was.

"Batman. I'm making stew." They said, looking up at their lover's masked face which was now contorted in a look of surprise and confusion. "Would you like to join me and….what's your name anyway, kid?" They asked turning towards the boy who was now standing in the far corner of the kitchen, gawping at The Dark Knight.

The boy's eyes slowly turned towards them and his jaw moved a couple of times with no sound coming out before he managed to choke out a single word.

"Jason."

#batfleck x reader #bruce wayne x reader #bruce wayne's sweetie #dceu #snyderverse #batman x reader #tw: mentions of abuse #tw: child abuse #tw: child neglect #tw: mentions of child neglect #batfleck x you #bruce wayne x you #bruce wayne x sweetie #gn reader #bruce wayne x gn reader #batfleck x gn!reader #angst if you squint #jason todd

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aftgficrec · 5 days

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heyy i’m looking for this fic that i haven’t been able to find in forever. i read it in 2020 i think so it’s probably deleted, but it was basically about andrew’s time in foster care and how he ended up in jail, how he met aaron, how he met higgins, all the stuff. it had 2/4 chapters completed or something like that and it was titled something like “the before and the after”. like before he met neil and after. yeah. tyyyy!!

I’ve had a good look around, but I haven’t been able to find a fic that exactly meets your criteria, this one is the closest I could find. Hope it’ll do for now, but maybe our followers have a better idea. You could also search our tags theme: juvie and theme: foster care. This fic is locked, so you need to be logged into an AO3 account to access it. - S

Doe by FoxyAtlas [Rated M, 12068 words, incomplete, last updated Jan 2022, locked]

Andrew Doe wasn't worth a goddamn thing. He did everything he could to make his foster parents want him, but he was a lost cause. He would never have a family, and he would never be wanted. Nothing he could do would change that. Or so he thought. --- The story of Andrew Minyard's life, starting at 6 and going through to the end of the AFTG series. Includes: shitty foster situations, Cass and Drake, meeting Aaron for the first time, juvie, Tilda, working at Sweetie's, hooking up with Roland, getting the offer to join the Ravens, joining the Foxes, becoming Kevin's protector, and having Neil Josten absolutely turn his life upside down.

tw: depression, tw: implied/referenced self harm, tw: implied/referenced rape/noncon, tw: implied/referenced child abuse, tw: child neglect, tw: suicidal thoughts

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whimsiquix · 3 months

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Invictus

Ao3 Link

This is his lot. This is his life. Deva isn’t coming to save him. No one is coming to save him. No one cares. He has no one to care. If Ranga were to kill him tonight, Baachi might fight to have Varadha’s last rights completed with dignity, but perhaps he too would be relieved, relieved that he didn’t have to lug his deadweight of a brother around with him when all Varadha brought him was grief.

or,

Seven years after Varadharaja Mannar swears to never lay eyes on his Salaar again, Deva is brought to court before him and accused of stopping his seal.

#varadeva #salaar #devaratha raisaar #varadharaja mannar #angst #friends to enemies to lovers #TW: Child Abuse #TW: Child Neglect #TW: Basically whatever the Mannars have going on with Varadha

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whinlatter · 1 year

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Hello Elizabeth, I’ve loved all your metas so far, and you do a great job of pointing things out that we as readers may have overlooked. You honestly made me want to read the HP series again because I feel like I missed out on so much. Apologies if you’ve already done a meta on this before and I missed it, but how abused do you think Harry was by the Dursleys? We know the basics: malnutrition, neglect, and emotional abuse for the majority of his life, but I remember reading the book as a child and getting this uneasy feeling that he was being physically abused. If you read between the lines and pay attention to his interactions with the Dursleys in the beginning of each book, I think it's indirectly mentioned... but maybe I've been reading it wrong all these years? What is your take on this?

TW: generalised non-specific discussions of child abuse and neglect

Thank you so much for the question and for reading all my jumbled thoughts! Totally relate - I re-read the books for the first time in the better part of two decades last summer and was like, sorry all this stuff was there the whole time and I missed it? I learn so much for other writers' close readings revisiting these texts (@ashesandhackles's re-reads spring to mind, but there are many others) and love to be a part of these ongoing conversations.

On the Dursleys and child abuse... I haven't written anything on this before, and the short answer is: yes, I think it's clear that Harry experienced some level of physical abuse at the hands of the Dursleys, at the hands of both Vernon, Petunia, Marge and, to a lesser extent, Dudley.

That said, I do have some caveats. One is that I think fandom speculation over the extent of the physical abuse can sometimes risk overstating the canonical scale of the physical abuse (any abuse, including psychological abuse, is awful enough, and some fics claiming canon-compliancy can sometimes risk gratuitous depictions of really horrific abuse in problematic ways). Two, I think sometimes fanfic depictions of Harry at the Dursleys' can risk overstating how canonically Harry perceives his treatment at the Dursleys, in ways that risks predetermining how child victims of abuse ought to feel about their experiences rather than how they describe them themselves. Three, and the one that's particularly interesting to me as a historian, is how Harry's treatment at the Dursleys shines this fascinating light onto changing audience tastes and attitudes towards depictions of harm to children in mass-market children's and YA literature between the time of HP's initial publication and the present day.

I've done a longer little lunch-break discussion of some of this below the cut. Yes this quickly became a long-winded discussion of the character of the abused orphan/child in the publishing market for late twentieth century children and YA literature and Thatcher's Britain. I am sorry about that, and know that I apparently simply cannot be stopped.

It's undeniable that what happened to Harry at the Dursley's was child abuse and neglect, for all the reasons you rightly cite. Both Harry and the loving adult caregivers he finds in the Wizarding World recognise that he is abused and neglected at the hands of the Dursleys. This includes physical abuse, with examples readers rightly cite off the bat: Harry being held tightly around the throat by Vernon and later citing 'a need to duck' around his uncle (OotP), Petunia trying to hit twelve-year-old Harry with a frying pan (CoS), Marge hitting Harry with her walking stick (PoS), and repeated instances of the Dursleys withholding food and confining Harry to small physical spaces. I hope it goes without saying that these instances are plainly incidents of physical violence against children. Each is horrific on their own terms, and likely part of a pattern of repeated physical roughness and low-level violence towards a child (I say low-level only because the strangling incident takes place after Dudley appears to have been harmed in OotP, and Harry's response to Vernon holding him by the throat suggests this violent incident is particularly extreme even for Vernon).

It's also clear, though, that while Harry bitterly hates the Dursleys for all of the harm they have done to him, he does seem to see this physical abuse as part of a broader set of failings they committed as his caregivers, and doesn't single-out physical abuse as uniquely traumatising. Confinement, being shouted at, and failing to protect him from bullying by other children are all crimes the Dursleys commit against him that he clearly views as just as harmful as the physical abuse he endures at their hands. We don't know how Harry the character would come to think about his experiences with the Dursleys in adulthood, of course, and it's reasonable to speculate that he may come to acknowledge himself as a child abuse victim and have either suppressed memories of traumatic incidents he endured as a child. With that said, I personally feel a certain level of discomfort with fan speculation about further or escalated incidents of child endangerment against Harry at Privet Drive beyond what we see either in the text or is implied within patterns of the Dursleys' behaviour. What the Dursleys do to him in canon is bad enough as it is, and exaggerated depictions of the Dursleys' treatment can get dangerously close to implicitly suggesting child abuse has to be a certain level of physically egregious to be sympathetic to the reader that the canonical text doesn't achieve, which I think is intensely problematic.

One thing I will say, though, is that I think the example of the Dursleys' treatment of Harry is a fascinating case study in HP's reception history and the cultural acceptability of depicting and using child abuse as a plot device. The topic is such a good a litmus test for the gulf between how the series was read and consumed when first published and how it is increasingly thought about and revisited by audiences. Changing attitudes about Harry's experiences with the Dursleys reflect how HP as a piece of literature which was written, edited, published and marketed to a consumer audience with certain expectations about depictions of harm to children, but which now continues to be closely re-read/revisited through the films and consumed by a market audience with increasingly different comfort levels and expectations about child welfare.

Children's and YA literature in the mid-to-late twentieth century had certain certain norms and conventions. Often, this took the form of the orphan child as either the protagonist or as a key sympathetic hero. Lots of media used the abused child both as an immediately sympathetic character for audiences to empathise with, and also used the absence of things like family, safety and love as central motivators for these characters, which then sets up the plot of the media at hand to resolve. The literature that for most UK school-children became canonical between 1980 and 1997, so in Thatcher/John Major's Britain, often centred characters who were usually orphaned or bereaved and who experience child abuse, neglect or mistreatment, often depicted in a slapstick and almost pantomime-esque way. This includes predecessors to HP like Roald Dahl's Matilda (1988), Michelle Magorian's Goodnight Mister Tom (1981) and Jacqueline Wilson's various books but especially Tracy Beaker (1991). This period also saw enduringly popular older works of literature experience a resurgence as older English-language TV or film adaptations made in the UK or Hollywood became even more commercially successful and entered 'classic' status - Chitty Chitty Bang Bang (Roald Dahl wrote the Child-Catcher into the 1968 film - he's not in the book!), Ken Loach's Kes (1968), Peter Pan (including Hook (1991), the Spielberg version), or mid-nineteenth century works of literature that became commercially successful popular musicals after 1950, like Oliver Twist or Cosette in Les Mis. Even in media where children appear in dysfunctional but fundamentally loving homes - Billy Elliot (2000) - or face physical violence at the hands of adult villains - Home Alone (1990) - we can see from both critical reception and popular audiences responses that the consuming publicly were on the whole less likely to be disturbed by either violence or the threat of violence against children than audiences, especially young audiences, three or four decades later, who typically find such depictions, even in their slapstick form, abhorrent.

In this period of writing (and particularly publishing and/or market media production beyond print fiction), there was far greater flippancy about depicting violence or the threat of violence against children as an empathy device for readers, especially young readers. I think this is for reasons that I think relate to changing ideas (and legislation) around children's agency, child welfare, endangerment, protection and the boundaries of the state and family life in late twentieth century Britain and elsewhere (a mammoth topic for another day). These were increasingly pressing political issues into the 1990s, especially the late Thatcherite/Major period into the Blair years. The violence that was depicted in literature during this transitional period almost always had a slightly farcical, or even slapstick or comic dynamic to it that I think is true also of the Dursleys around Harry in those early books - the frying pan being a classic example. We're supposed to think of the Dursleys as ridiculous, a parody of Thatcherite Home Counties surburban culture. While authorial intent is to show a character defined by the absence of familial love at the hands of clear villains, the Dursleys aren't intended to be read as vicious child abusers inflicting irreparable psychological and physical harm on a pre-teen child. They're supposed to be within this genre convention of cruel but ridiculous adults who behave badly and embarrass themselves and who the reader is supposed to immediately root against.

My point, really, is that we as readers can certainly revisit these books decades later having absorbed this greater popular literacy about child trauma responses and PTSD and see these characters differently, but we should keep in mind that this is a lot about the changing sets of ideas and expectations we have as a reading audience than it does about how the author and the text's editors intended these characters to be received. If we are reading the Dursleys' treatment of Harry and thinking - how is Harry remarkably fine after all of this? How could Dumbledore leave him with these people? - we're asking questions that the aspects of HP as an artefact of literature fulfiling certain genre conventions was never set up to be able to answer. I just think is something that fandom discussions and fanfiction authors (particularly those drawn to canon-compliancy) need take into consideration when trying to reconcile their horror at the Dursleys' treatment of Harry and interest in how this abuse would shape him as a character, with an interest in remaining true to the canonical text.

(I absolutely don't mean to be overly relativist about this, and want to make clear I'm talking about depictions of children's abuse in literature. In reality, children who have experienced violence and harm at the hands of adult caregivers have always felt some level of pain and distress. My point here is less about the lived experience of abuse and neglect, and more about changing cultural norms, attitudes and tastes about fictional depictions about abuse and neglect.)

#ok lunch break's over i'll shut up now #i've talked a lot this week even i am sick of me #my ask box is full of interesting Qs i am v grateful for and desperate to answer #but don't want to spam everyone's feed so will be pausing/slowing down answering for a little while if that's ok!#the dursleys #meta #writing #fandom discourse #TW: child neglect

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general-kalani · 1 month

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{ Open starter based on a thing said in Frontier season 2 episode 4, under a cut for those watching the show and don't want spoilers, no matter how minor }

"... My mother did love me, or at least I thought so. Raising me and my infant brother all alone after our father died... But she was just. Full of anxieties and paranoias. Older brother had left at that point as well, and my mother. Well, she couldn't handle everything. I had to raise my infant brother all alone. He was so sweet. Would giggle and hold onto my finger with the cutest grin."

Casually, he sips his glass. A quiet hum.

"One morning, when I was six... I wasn't able to keep him quiet. And it haunts me. He was crying, loud... Obnoxious. Scared my mother so badly she took a rock, beat him to death with brains spilling out all over the ground. His blood was on my face... She nearly killed me too that day, I was sobbing inconsolable."

A shrug, another sip of the glass.

"She was strung up in the gibbet that night. I don't think about Kentucky anymore. Nor whether my older brother lives or not. I only want to live out my life here in Montreal and not worry about whether I'll be judged for having a crazed mother."

#frontier spoilers #muse: samuel grant #you got launch codes? { open starter }#tfw casually saying trauma turns into an open starter LMFAO-#tw: child death #tw: gore #tw: child neglect #uhhhh i think i'm missing some other things but i can't think about what they are rn wajkhdhak

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schrijverr · 10 months

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I Found Myself a Cheerleader 1

Chapter 1 out of 28

Bumped to the lowest step on the social ladder after his fight with Billy, Steve gets roped in with the cheer team. What starts as a favor to help them out when one member breaks her leg in turn for protection from the brunt of the bullying, sets the universe on a different path.

He befriends Chrissy and grows as thick as thieves with her. Over the summer he adds Robin to his friends as well. Meanwhile Eddie seems to have taken an interest in the fallen king, but Steve can’t figure out quite yet why Eddie is talking with him. Flirting with him?

On AO3.

Ships: eventual steddie & buckingham

Warnings: period typical sexism, period typical homophobia, internalized homophobia, child neglect mention, bullying, f-slur

~~~~~~~~~

Chapter 1: The Deal

Steve has quit the basketball team after winter break. Before winter break he was technically still on the team, but not allowed to play due to his concussion. Now he is healed enough to get back on the court, but Billy has turned most of the team against him, which makes playing impossible. Hence the quitting.

However, now he has a slot he needs to fill if he wants to make it into college. He can’t join some braniac team, he’s barely scraping by. Going back to swimming also isn’t an option, since the swim team is practically the same as the basketball team and he doesn’t fancy drowning.

He wishes he could just continue playing basketball. That it wasn’t that bad. That he could man up and make it through. But he can’t, he really can’t. He likes his bones in one piece and the doctor said another concussion might be the end of what his brain can take.

So, he sits longingly alongside the court and watches the team train, aching to just have an activity he is good at again. To not feel like such a failure.

A loud and frustrated sigh pulls him from his thoughts and his eyes are pulled to the cheerleaders that are also practicing in the gym. The captain of the cheer team, Molly, throws up her hands and says: “It isn’t gonna work like this.”

“No need to snap,” Heather, one of the other girls, scowls. “Mary can’t help that she’s sick. She’ll be back after the weekend and then we’ll train the whole thing properly.”

“I know that,” Molly snaps. “But it’s throwing everything off and we need to get this routine straight. We can’t afford to have anyone missing.”

“We know,” Heather rolls her eyes, still posed to fight.

Molly sighs and says: “I just need this competition to go well.”

Heather softens at that and places a hand on Molly’s shoulder and smiles: “We’re gonna kill it. Don’t worry too much, Molls. Lets just run it again, okay?”

“Yeah, okay,” Molly smiles, before loudly clapping her hands and getting everyone back into position to go from the top.

Without realizing Steve has ambled closer to the cheerleaders. He startles a little at the loud clap, before watching at the routine starts up again. He has often watched the cheerleaders, they’re at the sides of big games and the team always stared together.

However, he has never really paid any attention to their training. Right now, though, he watches in awe as they toss each other in the air and keep smiling as they tumble about.

Since he is aware of it, he can clearly see where one of the girls is missing. When some of the girls are lifted some shapes are uneven and a few stay on the ground with an annoyed look. Certain formations are also incomplete. At one point one of the girls nearly falls, because someone who is supposed to be there isn’t.

The routine comes to an end and Steve can clearly see Molly, who is on the cusp of breaking down again. In Steve’s opinion it doesn’t look that difficult, well, what seems to be missing that is. It’s just holding someone up. Not like he has to do a back flip.

He hasn’t consciously realized what he’s doing until he’s tapping Molly on the shoulder. She startles and turns, before getting big eyes and smiling softly as she greets: “Hi, Steve.”

While Steve’s popularity has gone down considerably since Billy showed up, he is still well liked under the female student body. He smiles back at her and says: “Hi, Molly. Uhm- This is really stupid.” He rubs the back of his head, suddenly aware of how much he is not allowed to do what he is about to do. “I-” he lets out a breath and decides to go for it. “I heard you talking earlier, about missing someone. Can I help?”

It’s quiet and Steve immediately regrets even looking in their direction.

A boy doesn’t do cheerleading, it’s a girls sport. Barely even a sport. Just a thing they do to look pretty. He has no business being close to it beyond asking a cheerleader out. He has already plummeted vastly in popularity, the last thing he needs is gay rumors floating around. No matter how true they’d be.

He just wants to be helpful, do something he might be able to for a change. But he didn’t think it through and now he’s done something stupid. Like he always does.

Steve is about to take it back, play it off as a joke or just walk away if nothing comes to mind in the next second, when Molly lights up. “That’s perfect!” she grins. “Mary is a base position, which should be easy to teach. Thank you so much.”

Some of the other girls send him some weird looks, but after Molly’s relieved thanks, he doesn’t have the heart to turn away. So, he awkwardly shrugs: “It’s no problem, not like I have anything better to do.”

He is ignored by Molly, who turns around and addresses the others: “Go over parts you’re struggling with for a little. Lisa, Karen, Susan, come here!”

Three girls come their way as the others devolve into doing their own thing. Molly asks him: “Are you warmed up?”

Steve doesn’t think this will be that much effort, so he nods. It’s honestly his mistake, along with staying in his jeans and shirt.

He is shown the proper way to hold up a flyer. He hadn’t even realized before now that there were multiple positions in cheerleading. However, here he is. He is filling in for a base, so he’s holding Karen, the flyer, along with Lisa, the other base. Meanwhile Susan is the back spotter, she is the first to catch Karen should it go wrong. It’s important to catch the flyer properly or one can risk hurting the flyer quite badly.

Within a few minutes Steve gains so much respect for cheerleading, something he and the other guys have always put aside as some easy girly thing.

As he lifts Karen, he can feel her muscles under his hands as she has to keep everything tense as to not loose her balance on just their hands. Lisa is also a lot stronger than she looks, holding half of Karen’s weight along with Steve. He is already sweating through his polo and he definitely can’t keep smiling as he does this.

After a while he is able to get it. Molly is satisfied with his progress and deems it enough to call everyone together again. She says: “Okay, we can’t go through the routine, because Steve doesn’t know it and he isn’t going to learn this quick. So, we’re just going through the pyramids slowly, alright?”

She gets cheers back and instructs Lisa to make sure Steve knows what to do as everyone moves back to position.

Lisa is his saving grace, because Steve can’t keep up with how easily they all shift between position, creating structures out of just their bodies, before flipping down, tumbling around and doing it again.

He hadn’t realized how much mental space it takes to keep track of everyone’s position. He is very impressed with all the cheerleaders and he is genuinely having fun.

Cheerleading is a physical activity that he’s actually quite good at, throwing Karen around with ease and watching her fly. And for once he isn’t being pushed around.

A part of him knows that he shouldn’t be having fun, that he should have never even offered to do it and play it off as trying to get a date if someone asked. But it’s hard to keep the happiness away or not reply to the high five Lisa offers when they pull off a tricky stunt.

So, it’s not until the basketball team takes a break and he is spotted that the pit in his stomach, that he felt when he first offered, returns. He’s holding one of Karen’s legs when he hears Billy sneer: “Look at that, Harrington’s turned from a king into a princess.”

He can’t risk hurting Karen, so he grits his teeth as he hears the rest of his former team snicker. The stunt still needs to be completed, so Steve tries to tune them out as they bounce so Karen gets the height she needs for a flip.

Once she is safely on the ground, Steve looks at his old teammates, who have all collected to laugh at him. His cheeks burn with shame and he looks to the ground. He just wanted to help, do something nice for a change.

A hand on his arm, makes him look up. Lisa is looking at him with a kind and concerned look. She quietly says: “You don’t have to stick around. We get it. Mary will get better and we’ll pick up training Monday again.”

Steve is quite tempted to take her offer. To just run and be a coward, because a coward is better than being tossed for the tigers. Being a coward is better than being a queer.

However, before he can, Molly is speaking up. She overheard what Lisa said and doesn’t want to stop training. She needs Steve there. She crosses her arms and says: “All of you stop laughing right now, or you’re not getting a date from a cheerleader for the rest of the year. Steve was gentleman enough to offer help when we needed it. Maybe take an example.”

That shuts the boys right up. Steve knows what they talk about in the locker room, almost all the boys there want a date with a cheerleader. A bit of fun at Steve’s expense isn’t worth blowing that chance over.

Billy’s face goes through an amusing journey of emotions. In the end he scoffs and turns away with a: “Let the ballerinas do their thing.”

Molly’s face contorts in a hateful look, before she takes a deep breath and lets it go. Steve honestly admires her ability to do so.

She turns back to Steve and puts on big eyes as she clasps her hands together and says: “Please, Steve, stay for a little. We really appreciate your help. You’re such a gentleman, I mean that, you know. A knight in shining armor. Please, stay a little more, we’d all owe you.”

If he hadn’t grown up around his mother and seen how Molly plastered on the dainty, pleading eyes, he wouldn’t have realized this was a manipulation. She is playing into his masculinity and implying he could score a date if he stays.

Luckily for Molly, Steve is having too much fun to turn down a reason to continue, so he pretends to fall for it. He puts on his best smirk and replies: “I mean, how could I refuse a lady in need of help.”

She brightens up, this time the smile is genuine and Steve feels even better about his decision to fuck what anyone thinks. He has already been kicked to the bottom of the ladder. If he has to be here, he might as well do something fun.

He discovers that cheerleaders train almost more rigorously as the basketball team. He is there for another hour, running through the drills again and again. By the time they go home, he at least knows where to stand to not be in the way, though the arm movements escape him.

As he leaves, Lisa gives him a soft smile. She isn’t the loudest, but Steve quite likes her calm and steady presence. Throwing Karen around together has created a bit of a bond. So, he smiles back and says: “Bye, Lisa.”

“Bye, Steve,” she says. “Thank you for staying. Molly has been really stressed about practice lately.”

“Oh, it was nothing,” he tells her, looking around for a second, before he admits: “It was quite fun actually. You girls are crazy strong. I never realized.”

That makes Lisa let out a laugh and she grins: “We’re full of surprises,” before they truly say goodbye and go their separate ways.

Steve has been avoiding showering at school with the basketball team out to get him, so he gets into his car in sweaty clothes. Today he’s relieved his parents are never home. Explaining why he’s sweaty in his day clothes to his father would likely be the last thing he did.

Another thing he is relieved about, is that it is weekend. He hopes that it either doesn’t go the rounds that badly with no one stuck in one building and that by the time Monday rolls around the excitement will have died down.

He gets radioed by Dustin, asking him to drive him and the rest of the nerd squad to the arcade. He agrees easily, needing the distraction.

Because what Steve hadn’t counted on, is how the cheerleading would get stuck in his head. He had expected it to be a one time thing, something nice that would keep his mind of basketball for a bit, but instead he can’t help but think back on how much fun he’d had.

Cheerleaders have a very different team dynamic from basketball. There is more yelling of good jobs and needing to work together, instead of people trying to steal the spotlight and pushing each other around. It was quite nice.

Plus, it felt great to exercise again. And it felt much more like a team sport with Karen needing to trust him and Lisa to keep her upright and to count on Lisa to do her part, while Steve did his. He can’t deny that a part of him wants to do it again.

So, he drives up to Dustin’s house, then the others and listens to them gush about the campaign Will is running, making the shy boy blush. Then they move on how Max still has the high score, but she’s gonna meet them there and Dustin will observe her strategy, then beat her.

Steve doubts that, Max is a beast in the arcade. However, he lets Dustin live in his world as he watches them go nuts, lending the group quarters when they start to come up short.

He muses that these kids have a hobby they like. He used to have that, but basketball is kind of off limits right now. Even playing just for fun is ruined, since those games are mostly the basketball team or people who are friends with the basketball team. All of whom now hate Steve.

He still shoots some hoops alone in his backyard and swims laps in the pool (albeit with less ease after Barb), but he wants to do something with other people again.

Once more his mind drifts to cheerleading, but he quickly pushes that thought away. Cheerleading is for girls, he already got enough shit as is, he doesn’t need more. Besides, Mary will return and they won’t even need an extra person.

It’s not going to happen, so he should let it go and find something new.

“For the last time, zoomer isn’t a thing,” Mike complains loudly. Lucas jumps to Max’s defense at that, something that isn’t appreciated and the group devolves into squabbling over DnD categories again.

Steve wonders if he should pick up DnD. Dustin has explained it to him a few times, but it sounded hard and the thought of having to face Eddie Munson and his crew made Steve’s stomach churn.

He knows it’s his own fault that such a group will probably not welcome him with open arms, but it still isn’t a great feeling. Now that he is paying attention to others than the basketball team more, he can’t deny that the Hellfire club seems to like each other a lot more. Something that Steve will never get to experience, because he burned those bridges before they could even form.

Maybe he could join band. His parents forced him to learn piano when he was younger, though he doubts piano is part of band. Besides, he has seen the people at the band table. He likely won’t be welcome there either.

Honestly, at this point the only place he might not get shunned is the Hawkins High school newspaper, but that will be because of Nancy and Jonathan, which will only make it all the more mortifying. No thanks.

Contemplating his position, he lets out a deep sigh. Then yelps when a voice next to him suddenly asks: “Are you okay, Steve?”

He looks down to see Will looking up at him with concerned eyes. Steve forces a smile onto his face and assures the kid: “Yeah, baby Byers, I’m okay. You doing good? Need a quarter?”

“No, it’s fine,” Will tells him. “I was just asking, because you look sad. Mom told me to keep an eye on you. She wants to make sure you know you can talk to her about what all happened. You sure nothing’s bothering you?”

Will says it with the ease of a kid, who isn’t fully aware of when they are sharing too much, but the words hit Steve right in the chest.

After the Upside Down bullshit, he hasn’t been sleeping as well and there is no one really to lean on. He is distracting himself with school and driving the kids around. His parents aren’t home to notice anything, yet here Joyce is, showing more care than any adult ever has for Steve.

He has to swallow as to not break down and ruffles Will’s hair as he clears his throat. “That’s sweet, kid, but I’m good. I promise. Just thinking about school.”

At that Will nods with understanding and it hurts that this little kid knows more about what Steve is going through at his age. No one should have to struggle with kids being mean, but Will especially doesn’t deserve it with all he has been through.

To distract from the moment, he holds up a quarter and says: “Wanna bet I can beat Dustin’s Pac-Man high score?”

Will giggles: “He’ll be so mad if you do. It’s his only pride after Max took over everywhere.”

“Lets go boil his blood,” Steve tells Will, even though he isn’t even good at Pac-Man. However, it will make Will laugh and then he can make the kid try, paying for it, because he saw how Will ran out of coins a bit ago.

The weekend passes further until it is Monday and he is parking at the school. He isn’t looking forward to walking in there, not able to predict what he’ll find. He doesn’t like being unprepared in social situations.

As he walks down the hall, he gets a few weird looks, but no one says anything about it. Maybe Molly’s threat about the dates worked and no one is daring. Steve hopes so.

His luck doesn’t hold up, sadly. During first period a note is handed to him with a crude drawing of him in a cheering costume, the word princess written above it. The door to a classroom is opened for him with the comment: “Ladies first.”

Steve honestly finds it more childish and annoying than hurtful, except that it keeps hitting home what he already knew. That he wasn’t supposed to do that and there is something wrong with him, because he actually enjoyed himself, because he even thought of doing it.

Because cheerleading is for girls. It’s not for boys and the fact that Steve did it and enjoyed it means that somewhere in his brain there is something wrong with him. He already knows that there is something wrong with him, but having it spelled out for him?

It’s soul crushing.

By the time lunch period rolls around, he already knows that he doesn’t want to be in the cafeteria right now. It’s still too cold for anyone to sit outside, besides stepping out for a smoke. So, he sets up camp on a wall outside and eats his lunch. Rather cold than a target.

About halfway through lunch, he hears someone approaching. He steels himself for whatever is coming his way. He turns around, surprised to see it’s Molly and Heather, Lisa running after them as if she is trying to stop them.

She doesn’t make it in time, because Molly is already there. She is staring him down and Steve wonders what she has heard to make her look like that. Uncertain, he asks: “Can I help you with something?”

“Emma broke her leg,” Molly says in lieu of an answer.

“Okay?” Steve replies.

“We need someone to take her place in the competition two weeks from now,” Molly explains further and it starts to click what she is asking.

“No,” Steve denies immediately. He wants to say yes, he would love to do more if he were to listen to the little voice in his head, but he can’t. He has already seen what just one time helping out did to the tatters of his reputation, he can’t imagine what everyone will think or say if he took part in a competition.

Frustration creeps into Molly’s face and she protests: “But Lisa said you told her you had fun. You were good at it. Why not?”

“Molly, no.” Lisa is finally there. She looks apologetically at Steve and says: “I didn’t know she would do this when I mentioned it. I’m sorry, Steve.”

She looks genuinely distraught and Steve instantly feels bad for her. They had built up the most camaraderie together. She obviously felt the same and despite the fact that they needed someone, there was already enough solidarity between them after one practice that she would stick up for him against the cheer captain. That never happens in basketball.

“Let her try,” Heather cuts in, backing up the cheer captain. From what Steve had seen, Heather isn’t afraid to stop Molly if she thinks the other goes too far. Right now she apparently agrees with her friend, though.

Lisa sends him another apologetic look that he answers with a reassuring smile.

Molly gets the attention back on herself and says: “Look, I know why you’re saying no. Trust me, I get it. But this competition is the biggest of the season. It’s statewide and there will be college scouts there. You don’t understand, I need this competition to go well.”

She looks at him with intense eyes and Steve knows this so well. Right now she isn’t trying to manipulate him, she is talking to him as a fellow athlete, whose only chance to get into college is a sports scholarship.

And a part of Steve wants to think fuck it and say yes. He is already hanging on the bottom, might as well do whatever he wants. But he can’t be like the party, like those kids who don’t care and just have fun. He can’t be anything but a Harrington.

“It’s just two weeks,” Heather pleads. “The competition is in two weeks. We’ll train every day so you get it down, you do it once and then you can walk away. We won’t ask more than that.”

“I can’t,” Steve says, sounding apologetic. “You know, I can’t. I should have never offered to help Friday. I don’t even know why you would want to associate with me. You’d be better off trying to convince one of your own friends.”

Molly huffs: “All of our friends are already on the cheer squad.”

“And most girls aren’t able to get strong enough to do the lifts in two weeks,” Lisa adds quietly, joining her friends. She obviously also wants him to say yes, even if she feels bad for how his words were being used against him.

Heather agrees too: “And we can’t teach them how to stunt or catch either in that time. We already know you can fill in as a base. Emma is a base too.”

The more they beg, the harder it is for Steve to say no. He doesn’t want to say no, they all know it, but he has to. He will only be here for half a year more, then he’ll be off to college. He’d like to say in one piece until then and this will be counterproductive.

“Think of it as a deal,” Molly tells him.

“A deal?” he repeats.

“Yeah, the cheer squad is big,” Molly explains. “At least one of us is in all of your classes. We can offer you protection, a social barrier and you can pay us back by doing the competition.”

“I don’t need you to protect me,” Steve scoffs, though it is quite obvious to everyone in Hawkins High that Steve is a prime target without backup. Now that he stopped performing King Steve, it’s like everyone can see all that is wrong with him.

Clearly Molly thinks the same, because she raises her brow at him. She says: “I’m serious, Steve. I know it’s nonsense, but we’re the girls the guys want to get with and the other girls want to be. And cheer squad sticks together. When Tommy harassed Karen at a party, we all agreed he wouldn't get a date. And look at him. He’s with Carol now.”

Steve remembers the cheer squad turning against Tommy, neither of them had ever figured out why until now. Carol has always considered herself too cool for the cheer squad and Steve wonders if her dating Tommy is a rebellion against them.

“If you say yes, Billy won’t have another date with a cheerleader ever. You’ll sit at the cheer table surrounded by girls. If one of the basketball boys wants a date, they have to be nice to you,” Molly lays it out again. “Just think about it for a second.”

Molly is terrifying, Steve decides. If she ever decides to go into business, she’ll be unstoppable. It’s hard to find reasons to say no. He likes it and his father isn’t even home to be mad about it. His parents will be back next month, by that time everyone will have forgotten about this. They’ll never even have to know.

“Does the deal still stand after the competition?” Steve asks. He is also the son of a business man, he might not like it, but he knows the trade well.

“It sticks till the end of the year and if I make it into college and you have to repeat a year, it extends to next year too,” Molly promises. “Lisa will ensure it.”

“I don’t think that will happen,” Steve protests, but he feels quite relieved. He holds out his hand and smiles: “You got yourself a deal.”

“Yes,” she cheers, shaking his hand, before using the movement to pull him from the wall. “Come on,” she tells him. “No more moping outside. It’s way too cold.”

The four of them make their way inside. Steve is a big believer in seeing is believing, so he still braces himself when they enter the cafeteria. However, no one is willing to risk a cheerleader getting caught in the cross fire.

He gets many glares, but he has long since learned to keep his head up and ignore it as he follows the girls to their table. When he gets there, multiple faces erupt in smiles and Karen excitedly asks: “Did you agree?”

Steve is taken aback by how happy they all are with the news. All of them practically cheer when he nods and they pull him in their midst as they start explaining the competition to him. It’s overwhelming in a good way. Their excitement is infectious and it’s the best lunch period he’s had since before Halloween.

When lunch period is over, Heather hooks her arm around his and smiles: “We have History right now, right?”

“Yeah,” Steve agrees, a bit stunned how seriously she takes it without making a big deal out it. He should probably be embarrassed that he is being protected by a group of girls, but he can’t bring himself to care much when Heather rips up the note before it reaches him and he isn’t tripped up again in the hallways.

He has an escort for the entire day and after the last bell has rung, Susan walks with him to cheerleading practicing, because that is what he has agreed to.

This time, he knows better than to try and do this in his normal clothes, so he changes in a toilet stall, feeling a sense of solidarity with all the less sporty kids he’s seen doing that throughout the years.

They start with a warm up, which Steve takes very seriously after how sore he’d been all weekend, as he ignores the looks of the basketball team when they see him stretching with the cheerleaders in his gym clothes.

Those fucker probably thought he would be running far away from them and not dare to do anything they would dislike ever again. Steve feels a smug sense of defiance as he moves to touch his toes.

The others easily slide into splits and Steve honestly has no clue how they do it. Lisa makes eye contact with him from where she is relaxing in a split and quirks a brow at his confused expression, like she can’t understand what is weird about the situation.

“How do you do that?” Steve asks as an explanation. “How are your legs not killing you right now? That’s so fucking impressive.”

Understanding dawns on her face and she softly laughs: “Practice and patience. I’ve been doing cheer since middle school.”

“Wish I could do that,” Steve comments.

“Don’t let coach hear that or she’ll make it her mission to get you there and let me tell you, she is a hardass,” Lisa informs him.

Steve honestly hadn’t considered the fact that the cheer team would also have a coach and anxiety creeps up at the idea of having to face her. Before he can bolt, they’re interrupted by Ms. Miller, who teaches geography. “Everyone gather around,” she calls.

Reluctantly Steve follows after the girls, trying to stay out of sight of Ms. Miller. However, it’s for naught, because Ms. Miller asks: “Molly, have you found someone to replace Emma?”

“Yes, coach,” Molly says. “Steve is helping out.”

Ms. Miller frowns and Steve feels the heat gathering in his cheeks as everyone parts so she can see Steve. Awkwardly he smiles at her and waves. “Uhm, hi, Ms. Miller.”

“It’s coach Miller here,” she tells him. “I expect you to take this seriously. Are you able to do that, Steve?”

“Yes, coach,” the answer comes naturally.

Coach Miller smiles: “Good to hear. Do you have any clue what we’re doing?”

“Uhm, I subbed for Mary Friday, but other than that, no clue,” Steve answers honestly. “Except that it’s for a competition.”

Surprise flashes over coach Miller’s face at the confession, but it is quickly replaced by glee. She claps her hands together and blows her whistle: “Alright everyone, we’re going through the whole thing from the top. Slowly. Make sure Steve knows what’s happening next.”

Everyone immediately starts moving. For a second Steve stands there unsure of what to do, then Heather comes up to him and smiles: “You’re in my group. Come on.”

He easily follows her as she walks towards two other girls. She introduces them both. First she points to a Latina girl with a high ponytail. “This is Sofia, she’s the other base. Look to her for clues.”

Steve nods and shakes Sofia’s hand. He doesn’t have any classes with her, because he thinks she’s a junior. But he has seen her around in Nancy’s AP Honor courses when they were still dating.

“And this is Chrissy, our flyer,” Heather introduces a red hair shy looking girl.

“Hi,” she greets.

“Hello,” Steve replies with a smile he hopes is reassuring. He’s pretty sure the girl is a sophomore, who knows him only by reputation. He doesn’t want to scare her.

After the introductions, Steve is positioned into the starting position. They go through the entire routine at a snail’s pace to ensure Steve can follow along. Today they’re just focusing on being at the right place, tomorrow they’re primarily running through stunts and he’s told that the arm movements will come later.

Like Friday, Steve is having a blast. Sofia is super smart and hilarious. She makes all sorts of jokes under her breath that have all of them struggling not to crack up under the harsh gaze of coach Miller.

Chrissy is also nice and very caring and enthusiastic when she gets out of her shell a little. The only thing is how tiny she is. Steve feels like he’ll break her ankle if he holds her too tightly.

The atmosphere is also so much more fun. Coach Miller is strict much like the basketball coach is, but she still yells out encouragements too. And between the cheerleaders themselves, they’re constantly calling out: “Well done!” or “Oh my god, that was so good!”

If anyone in the basketball team were to do that, they would’ve gotten weird looks and called a fag or something. Steve doesn’t miss it, but he’s sad that all of them are told not to even encourage each other. The most they are allowed is a slap on the back. It doesn’t seem fair.

But he alone can’t change anything about that, so he finds himself in the limbo of smiling when he gets a compliment, but being too awkward to say anything himself as practice goes on.

At they end they all do their cooling down together. Molly takes a place close to Steve and grills him the entire time about how confident he is he can get it before the competition. Steve assures her that he will, though he adds that he doesn’t know if he can keep smiling. “I don’t even know how you all do that,” he tells her.

Molly laughs at that and answers: “Oh, Steve, you are such a guy, you know.”

“What?” he asks, a bit confused and unsure what could have gotten that response.

“Come back to me when you walked a day in heels,” she says instead of answering. “We’re used to smiling through the pain.”

Steve privately thinks that doesn’t sound very healthy, but he keeps his mouth shut, unsure he wants to have this discussion.

They disperse to the changing rooms. Steve contemplates going home sweaty again, but he’s in just his shorts now and it’s still way too cold outside for that. Plus, the basketball team is still going, so he hurries through his shower, hoping he’ll be done, before they get there.

However, they’re done quicker with their punishment laps than Steve expected. So, he’s in the middle of pulling his shirt on when they flood into the changing room.

For a second both Steve and the team freeze, staring at each other in some sort of stand off. Then play is pressed again and Steve is suddenly face to face with Billy, who spits: “What, hanging out with the freaks and little girls wasn’t enough for you, Harrington?”

Steve takes a deep breath, trying not to let it get to him. He replies: “I’m just helping out, Hargrove, you know, doing something nice? Ever heard of the word nice? Or did you skip that lesson in kindergarten?”

Billy bristles and steps forwards, pushing Steve back onto the bench. He gets right up into Steve’s face, who is hit in the face with the stench of teenage boy sweat. He wrinkles his nose, which is the wrong thing to do, because he is grabbed by the front of his shirt and Billy spits: “Those girls can’t help you here. I’m not done with you.”

“Well, I am done with you,” Steve answers coolly, reaching for his bag. He has tried fighting Billy before, that didn’t work out. Now he just hopes he can flee. Let him be a coward, it’s not like anyone here still respects him.

Anger flares up in Billy’s face again and he reels back, probably to hit Steve. However, he is still holding Steve’s shirt, but Steve never managed to put it on properly. So, before the hit lands, he slithers out of it and onto the floor, rolling away and snatching bag as he shoulders his way through the rest of the team, who are luckily too stunned to stop him as he breaks free.

In the hallway, he runs into Lisa, who looks at him in surprise. He looks downs, realizing he’s shirtless and gives her an awkward smile. “Uh, this is intentional?” he says.

“Harrington!” they hear Billy bellow from the changing room and Steve starts power walking away from the changing room, pulling Lisa with him and putting his sweaty shirt on again.

“Are you okay?” Lisa asks with concern.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” Steve smiles at her. “Just going to change at home next time.”

“For what it’s worth, I think it really sucks that they’re treating you like that over this,” Lisa tells him genuinely.

“I get it,” Steve shrugs. “I mean, it’s not exactly conventional, you know. Everyone probably thinks it’s a little weird. Hell, I don’t even know why I offered Friday.”

“Still, you’re just doing something nice,” Lisa argues, a small frown on her forehead. She isn’t the fighting type, but she does get frustrated.

“Don’t think they care,” Steve laughs. “They already didn’t like me before this either. They just have something else to hold against me now.”

Lisa’s frown deepens, but she doesn’t say anything.

Steve honestly doesn’t feel like talking about it, so he changes the subject by asking: “You have a car, or want a ride home?”

“I mean, if you’re sure,” Lisa says.

“Of course,” Steve says. “It’s no trouble. And you can tell me more about the terms on the way. I have no clue what coach Miller is telling us 90% of the time.”

That makes Lisa laugh and they set off towards the parking lot together. Luckily, Billy doesn’t try anything with Lisa nearby. Steve tries not to question it too much. He’s tired of trying to figure out what Billy is thinking.

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kani-miso · 14 days

Text

mini analysis on route 1 ch 3

@hectorthedoggo

alot of words = alot of lore drop

tw : child neglect, child abuse, murder

THIS IS SO GOOD AND AMAZING OMG MY GOODNESS 5K??? ILYSM/P

pst, as per usual

red colored words= important but not about the keyring/jackalope

bolded words=keyring/jackalope information

italic words= reusing from fic

p_1

'Her defensiveness reminded them of Jackalope, when he- wait, what did he do again? He did something bad, but…'

They stopped their thoughts before they could think something they shouldn't think.

(i think jackalope is narcissistic, here's why: narcissistic people tend to be defensive of their own opinion caused by their sense of superiority.) alright, what the hell did he do. es' sense of morality is black and white if its someone close to them (jackalope). if so, then that means jackalope did something pretty bad for es to think of that.

'They stopped their thoughts before they could think something they shouldn't think.' something makes me concerned by the way es just disregarded that memory. they're trying to make a pure and clear image for jackalope due to their closeness. victims of abuse by family members/guardians usually stay silent about their situation fearing they were responsible for the abuse they endured or that speaking up can cause physical harm to their abuser (which some victims dont want to happen).

p_2

“Humans are bad influences, of course. I shouldn’t be here right now.” Es repeated the previous thought that wasn't quite theirs.'

“Humans are bad influences, of course. I shouldn’t be here right now.” they are always teached by jackalope that they shouldn't, no, mustn't interact with any other being that is not jackalope (especially humans), why though? im guessing its a. because jackalope does not want es to find a new guardian to latch on. b. jackalope has a poor relationship with humans (john/mikoto's attack at the tower) or c. some sort of traumatic event that happened to them due to abusive human behavior which causes jackalope to become more defensive and cautious about es' safety (< previously abused theory), but with the way you write jackalope, it's very unlikely to be c., it'll probably be b. imo.

''Es repeated the previous thought that wasn't quite theirs.' aha, there it is. es' thoughts are based off of jackalopes ideals as they do not have free will. this could possibly affect the growth of their mindset and brain with irreversible changes.

p_3

'Everything about that statement was strange. Form their own opinions? That would only lead to disaster, didn’t he know that?

They didn’t remember why that was true, they just… knew.'

'Form their own opinions? That would only lead to disaster' oh!/neg. more proof of them not having any free will. from this sentence, it sounded like they have done a mistake of forming their own opinion which caused something horrible to happen. es is an obedient child so one time punishments could change their whole perception on said subject. no wonder they always follow jackalopes ideals and opinions even if they have no idea if its right or not.

'They didn’t remember why that was true, they just… knew.'' uh huh. for me, it has some parallels with the previous chapters (e.g : ch 2 'Es never really questioned the origin of the keyring, just knew that they should always have it, no matter what.'). when a naive child is told something crucial, it WILL be implanted in their mind.

p_4

'He had been nothing but nice to them, probably just because he was in a good mood right now. But what if they induced a bad mood? Es didn’t know what his bad mood would look like, but-'

'He had been nothing but nice to them-', more parallels?? (route 2 ch 3 These people had been nothing but nice to them, and this is what they traitorously thought.) i know its from a different route, but it still feels so similiar.

'-probably just because he was in a good mood right now.' ouch, the eggshell parenting is parenting/negnegneg. how much more toxic could es' relationship with jackalope??? first, he's a neglectful guardian. second, he is an eggshell parent. third, he socially isolates them. (they cling to him, like he's their savior, yet they're scared of him, like he's a monster.)

'But what if they induced a bad mood? Es didn’t know what his bad mood would look like, but-' omg, the survival instinct is instincting. when children are in unsafe enviroments, they tend to recognize the daily patterns of their predator/abuser, such as: their footsteps (if there are multiple predators), sleep schedule, and their emotions based off of physical appearance. since es only knew shidou for like, less then 2 days, they cant read what his emotions are since they're yet to recognize his patterns.

p_5

It was more of a question. The color was all over their overly formal clothes, so maybe? They preferred the slightly different shade that made up the tie around their waist.

'Hm… Jackalope didn’t give that to them, did he? It didn’t exactly match their uniform, and it was a little off-color. Who gave-

One of the keys around their neck warmed up in recognition of the thought.

They decided that it was time to stop thinking about that topic. They didn’t want to remember it.'

'Hm… Jackalope didn’t give that to them, did he? It didn’t exactly match their uniform, and it was a little off-color. Who gave-' what.. i think i have a theory for this. lets start with

'who gave this to them?' : i suspect it might be from their past abusers

'what's the purpose of it?' : the tie on their waist is tied into a knot. many cultures including japan use knots to symbolize unity. es and their past abuser will always be tied into a knot together because no matter where they go, the abuse stays. it either continues from another person, or the previous scars of abuse never heal (both physically and mentally)

'the tie has 2 ends, what's the meaning?' : the number 2 usually symbolize the duality of two subjects, the ones that are important to note are : yes/no, true/false, and yin/yang. yes/no, true/false are self explanatory, yin/yang on the other hand. 'yin' represents coldness and darkness (< es' uniform overall colorscheme is cold representing yin, mind you this is give by jackalope). and 'yang' represents light and warmth (< es' tie on their waist is a warm color, this is given by their past abusers). i wonder if this is implying that es still cares and resonate warmth from their past abusers and feels coldness and a sense of darkness when getting taken care of by jackalope..(no wonder pain is nostalgic for them) also, in japan, 二 (ni). It represents creation, time (past, present, and future)

'why does the end of their tie look like a teru teru bozu?' : a teru teru bozu is a traditional japanese talisman used to bring good weathers and to stop or prevent rainy days. rain is essential when growing crops, so it symbolizes the growth of a new family (found family and biological). the fact that they are using a teru teru bozu that prevents rain implies that they are being held back in finding a "new family" :(.

'One of the keys around their neck warmed up in recognition of the thought.' woah okay were getting there.. usually the keyring gets warmer because of the mention of jackalope, mind you, the WHOLE keyring. then, when a past abuser is mentioned only one of their keys get warmer. jackalope can be taken as the embodiment of all of the abusers, down to the manipulation, neglect, physical abuse (?), emotional abuse, and domestic abuse.

'They decided that it was time to stop thinking about that topic. They didn’t want to remember it.' this has become the fugue es™ movement omg. i dont remember how many times they did this but its definitely more than 3 times.

p_6

'Their feelings were taken into account; that was new. Es took a second to consider the choice

He patiently waited for them to make a choice, which was another foreign action.'

'Their feelings were taken into account; that was new.' 'He patiently waited for them to make a choice, which was another foreign action.' ARE YOU KIDDING ME IM GONNA CRY IN THE CORNER. more of the 'victim falls to good hands and is confused' type of thing. i guess this implies that jackalope is also very impatient, this idea clashes with the canon autistic es here. people with autism needs others to be patient due to their different mind set and thinking pattern with neurotypicals. its really bad if you force a person with autism to be quicker because that could overstimulate them. (again, im not good with these topics so correct me if anything bothers you)

p_7

'This line of thought was getting dangerous, but Es lingered on it for a bit before trying to shut it down. Jackalope wouldn’t like them thinking like this.

However, their traitorous emotions still supplied a craving for a different life. Some teens about their age passed by, laughing with some ice cream, something Es never remembered tasting.

Would they have been with those teens, in another-

Get back to the tower. Get back to the tower. Get back to the tower. Get back-

A sharp pain shot through their head, and they let out a little whine. Of course this would happen, they thought too much, after all.'

'Jackalope wouldn’t like them thinking like this.' everytime they think of something, they will always prioritize jackalopes feeling first.. even if its something they want, something they crave, something they NEED.

'Would they have been with those teens, in another-' no, no they wouldn't. if they were never taken by jackalope, they'll never escape from the hell hole of abuse (if the theory's true). when they were taken by jackalope, they have no other choice but stay in the tower for eternity. both choices are a lose lose.

'Get back to the tower. Get back to the tower. Get back to the tower. Get back-' the more i read it, the more it doesnt feel like es' thoughts. especially from the previous chapters and other routes, everytime it (e.g. they should always have it, no matter what. 'But, they decided to think about it, idiotically, so their head started throbbing. They let out a little pained yelp.')' they should always have it, no matter what,' that sounds like jackalopes orders, same thing with 'get back to the tower'.

A sharp pain shot through their head, and they let out a little whine. Of course this would happen, they thought too much, after all.' also, im kinda doubting that the reason they feel the sharp pain is because of overthinking, it feels like jackalope is controlling their mind during those moments and when he's done possessing them, they'll feel pain.

p_8

'They didn’t deserve to be forgiven like this. They were having bad thoughts, thoughts that Jackalope wouldn’t like, so Shidou should hate them, too. He assessed their pathetic state, then reassured in a calming voice. “It’s alright.”

How come his expression showed no hints of anger? His voice was nothing but gentle, no annoyance hidden by his concern.

p_9

Guilt clogged up their throat. So, he must not have noticed their bad thoughts. That was the only justification for why he wasn’t mad.'

'They didn’t deserve to be forgiven like this.' oh, abuse victims usually feel a sense of burdening others and feeling guilty about it (omg forgiven and guilty milgram reff/j)

'thoughts that Jackalope wouldn’t like, so Shidou should hate them, too.' due to jackalope being the only living being es knew from the very start of their life (from waking up of the coma-ish state) they thought all adults would act the same just like jackalope. also, just because they had bad thoughts jackalope hated them? wow im gonna burn him 🌹

'How come his expression showed no hints of anger?' dont tell me jackalope also gives them the sarcastic smile treatment. even below his smile, they can feel the anger in him (because of the emotion pattern recognition)

'So, he must not have noticed their bad thoughts. That was the only justification for why he wasn’t mad.' the fact that they only think he didnt get mad was because he didn't feel their aura makes me sick. maybe they've gotten away with their bad thoughts once for them to think this is the only justifiable reason (or not)

'How did he know they were scared that he was mad at them?'

istg shidou is a mind reader you cant convince me otherwise or maybe its just because of es' obvious vulnerable state that makes them look like a pathetic scared child (just like the past)

p_10

'Jackalope usually didn’t cook his meat that much but did cook it some so that it was edible. Es preferred it cooked.

IM SORRY DOES JACKALOPE SOMETIME FEED THEM RAW MEAT??? i swear the neglect gets crazier from chapter to chapter. '-but did cook it some so that it was edible.' key word: some. ARE YOU KIDDING ME, SOME?? he is giving them the bare minimum, the only one essential for living.

p_11

She growled, “I’m sorry, I guess. You showed clear signs of neglect, I had to get you away from that place! But here-”

“There’s no way I’m going back to your cave! I’m staying with these people!”

“These people are dangerous!”

“How? Is it some sort of wild assumption that you made?”

She took a breath, and with a face and voice full of hatred, she said,

“Of course they’re dangerous.

They’re murderers, Es.”'

thank you for reading this, have a reward

WHAT

'You showed clear signs of neglect, I had to get you away from that place!' she was the only one who knew.. im crying

“Of course they’re dangerous. They’re murderers, Es.”' omg ARE YOU KIDDING ME THEY WILL NEVER TRUST A SINGLE HUMAN BEING EVER AGAIN, NOT EVEN KOTOKO.

me(es) when reading this chapter

(did not proof read lol)

#milgram #milgram project #milgram es #es milgram #fugue au #alternate universe #au #analysis #fugue au analysis #fugue es #fugue jackalope #tw: child neglect #tw: child abuse #tw: murder

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katyspersonal · 8 months

Text

Absurd how my biological father was so negligent about my general existence that mom had to divorce him for this same reason (it was like life-threatening). It was my very early years iirc. Like, according to my mom, he dipped out as soon as he learned he had a girl and not a boy xd

Then my first stepdad so obviously wanted a son that he kept deliberately rooting out any and all femininity out of me - hobbies, toys, clothes, etc. He kept taking me for fishing, tried to teach me how cars worked, often pulled me together with him to watch sports like soccer, groaned and got passive-aggressive when I wanted a doll or to watch a princess movie, encouraged me to dress like a goddamn mine worker etc xd It was my age from 3 to 8, until mom HAD to divorce this one and pick up that prick..

And then my second stepdad caused types of abuse that will demonetize me upon mentioning, but on more "tame" scale he on the other hand was so aggressively insistent of me being a """real""" girl/woman. Like I swear he was policing every single hobby, speech pattern or look when it was not feminine, he would police even every single feeling I had because "but a woman should this" "a woman should that" etc. Trying to raise me to be a model housewife. As a result, I developed revoltion for cooking, doing make-up, putting even minimal care in my looks and being rude, blunt and physically incapable of being polite or gentle. And I swear I still see red when anyone as much as mentions me being motherly / mother in the future @_@ That lasted right until my adulthood (8-18)

I just think in retrospective it is funny how I got all types of father-figure-inflicted abuse like goddamn pok3mon gym badges hfjjygh All because I had to get the short end of being a part of sexually dymorphic species huh. -_- Was it so hard to be born a snail or something 🐌 But in retrospective, this might explain a lot about why I abhor gender roles, obsession with gender presentation and gatekeeping/controlling masculinity and femininity so much (it applies to both queer communities and conservatives because people do be weird and keep building their own limitations no matter the ideology smh). It is like I got "trained" to have a common sense by effect. 🤔 Like, usually someone experiences only one of these sorts of mistreatments (or none). And I just got to try everything xD

It also explains why I grew up to be a cute-looking woman wearing a dress and a cute flower pin and loving cute things but behaving like an absolute filthy gremlin type of a troublemaker boy that also curses like sailor hfhhhvj I am like, opposite of what was inflicted on me 😎👍

#personal #tw: child abuse #(sort of? idk i am too vague but it lowkeu counts as such)#tw: child neglect #/abuse mention #memories #i really miss the first stepdad though

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hannah-the-small · 3 months

Note

what did their parents do?

Clara, TV host of 'Imp City Gossip' and Clementine's biological mother:

-Used her infant daughter to gain sympathy for people to help her leave Lust. -Frequently left Clementine alone while out with others. -Abandoned the 4 year old Clementine in a drug den to be raised by two sinners and a hellhound, which lead to Clementine's forced employment with the underground crime ring ran by Toby. -Ignores the fact she has a daughter unless her daughter is associating with someone who'd bring in a great story for her show.

Gillian, CEO of 'Mass Market Advertising' based in Greed and Gritt and Patch's biological mother:

-Cheated on her husband Peckrin to get pregnant with the twins and never admitted to it. -Put the most pressure on Gritt being the fully able bodied son. -Neither Gillian or Peckrin would buy Patch legs as he had a working wheelchair, so Gritt made him some. -Got in screaming matches with her husband, in which both would yell, go fuck someone else and then come back and forgive each other... and did this in front of their kids. -Controlled the twins diet, friends, education with an iron fist. -Belittled the twins intelligence, personality and bodies. -Arranged 8 year old Gritt to be married to another family's child when he eventually reaches 18. -Beat, screamed and/or locked the children in the cellar when they did something the parents didn't like. -Love bombed the children whenever they did something they did like. -Kicked out 12 year old Patch and disowned him when it was found out he was homosexual. -Told Gritt he was going to get corrective surgery to get rid of his 'abnormality' (as Gritt is intersex) and it is non negotiable. -When Gritt finally pushed back at 14, they broke his horns to teach him a lesson and he locked him in the cellar. Gritt managed to escape and ran away becoming homeless. -Constantly try and get back in Gritt's life even though he doesn't want them near him.

#tw: abuse #tw: child neglect #tw: child abuse #GilliantheImp #ClaratheImp #tw: interphobia #tw: homophobia #hazbin!verse

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dark-elf-writes · 1 year

Note

If you’re still taking Soulmate prompts: parental Mic to Izuku where Inko tries to fight back because that’s her child, only for all her neglect to be shoved into the open? (Mixed with maybe Inko disliking the fact Izuku’s romantic soulmate is two people instead of one and at least one name is male…)

Ajdjjshsn Y E S just all the parental Mic okay.

Izuku was born with three names. One on their left and two on their right.

Their mom hated all three of them.

“Those are boy names, Izuku,” She hissed at them, scrubbing a cloth over their right wrist even though it was long past red and raw. “Two of them!”

Like Izuku could have stopped them from forming. Like they hadn’t already been printed on their skin from the moment they were born. Like Izuku had asked for Tokoyami Fumikage and Aoyama Yuuga to be their soulmates before they were even out of the womb. (They knew that most of it was their mother’s insistence that she had a son not a child. Knew that I’d it had been two girl’s names on their wrist that a lot of the anger, of the time spent rubbing their wrists in the vain attempt to rub the not ink straight off, would have been avoided all together)

It was their left wrist that was the bigger problem in her eyes. Two words in the green-gray ink of an incomplete parental bond. A damnation, in their mother’s eyes, agaisnt the parents Izuku had been born to, for all that one had left and the other… well the other was her.

‘Yamada Hizashi’.

There were times, when Izuku was alone late at night while their mother was working at the hospital curled under their All Might blanket and listening to the sound of Present Mic’s voice from their cracked phone, that they wished Hizashi would find them. Would take them away from this place forever. Would make sure they didn’t have to be alone and would hold them when they cried and wouldn’t rub their wrists raw before covering them in too tight bandages.

(Alone on a rooftop with sludge rattling in their lungs and their heart spiked into the street far below by a man they had idolized, Izuku wished for Hizashi so hard that it hurt.)

They had all but given up on that dream by the time they walked into UA for their entrance exam. All but given up hope of their platonic soulmate ever finding them. (They were nearly sixteen now, after all. What use was a parental bond if they were already an adult when it was formed?)

Then the Zero pointer happened. Then Izuku shattered both legs and their right arm. Then Present Mic ran to them with terror in their green eyes and Izuku’s name on their lips.

Most heroes didn’t publicize their civilian names, but as a teacher Present Mic would have seen their application.

Which was how Izuku found themself healed and wrapped in a too big hoodie in one of the offices in the main building only a few minutes later. Present Mic, Hizashi Yamada, frowned down at their phone as it went to voicemail again.

“I told you she wouldn’t answer. She’s at work.”

“Listener, you powdered three of your limbs. I don’t care if she’s on the damn moon.”

They ended up going home with Hizashi and their husband (“Just call me Shouta, kid. None of that formality from my spouse’s child.”) their mom calls the police on them for kidnapping the next morning despite the dozens of phone calls and texts left ignored and the formal notice filed through the PYHU agency that outlines a clear case of child abandonment and acknowledgment that as the parental soulmate Hizashi is well within their rights to act as Izuku’s guardian if their mother is not available.

There, sitting in the Yamazawa living room with a cat on their lap and a detective in a trench coat looking at them with sad eyes, Izuku decides they’re tired of wishing. Tired of waiting for someone to save them. They decide that maybe it’s time that they save themself.

“She hurt me.”

“True.” The detective responds immediately. His quirk not allowing him to do anything else.

“She abandoned me.”

“True.”

“I want to stay here.”

The detective smiled, soft. Kind. “True. Let’s make that a reality, kid.”

#the elf talks #mha #bnha #Izuku midoriya #yamada hizashi #dadmic #presentdad #tw: child abuse #tw: child neglect #tw: homophobia #tw: transphobia #this one I like #I’m going to have to expand on this when it’s not midnight thirty on a workday #always here for parental mix okay I adore

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spreadssheets · 2 years

Text

No one:

Me: *slaps the top of Steve's head* this bad boy can fit SO MUCH TRAUMA

#steddie #steve harrington #eddie munson #stranger things #tw: child abuse #tw: child neglect #tw: dark themes

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thatharringrovehoe · 1 year

Text

I have to memory of writing this but I'm clearing out my drafts so here ya go!

When Steve and Billy move in together Billy is 100% ready to have to handle the finances. Because he's so sure that Steve, being the trust fund baby that he is, has no concept of budgeting or living paycheck to paycheck. But to his complete suprise (and utter confusion) Steve is really frugal. Knows how to make some really banger poor man's dinners. Freezes leftovers without being prompted. Cuts coupons, buys bargain brand, knows basic house repairs and what? Why does Steve even need to know any of this? So one day he just. Asks.

"The hell taught you how to pinch pennies rich boy?"

Steve gets a little cagey. A little defensive. And Billy realizes he's stepped on a bit of a landmine when it comes to his boyfriend's past. So he treads carefully. Decides to leave it alone because lord knows that's what Billy wishes people would do 99% of the time when it came to his issues. It pays off when, a few days later as they lay cuddling on the couch watching their tiny tv, Steve opens up.

"My parents gave me an allowance."

And. Alright? That's not, like. Abnormal. He says as much. Steve just keeps his eyes glued to the staticky rerun of 'I Love Lucy' while he breaks Billy's heart.

"After they fired Rosa, I had to take care of myself and the house. To teach me to be a man or something. There wasn't always enough to both keep the power on and stock food for three months."

"Three months? How old were you? And who's Rosa?"

Steve sighs.

"Rosa was my nanny. My parents fired her when they figured I was to old to have one. Think I was like. Twelve?"

He sounds sad. Like he's talking about a dead relative he's still grieving for.

"She couldn't just. I dunno, check on you?"

Billy doesn't get this. Steve wore designer clothes. Drove a fucking Beamer. And he was going hungry for who knows how long at the age of twelve?

"She had her own kids Billy. I was just. I dunno. A job. I managed fine. She taught me how to make some basic meals and do a little house maintaience before she left so. More than anyone else taught me."

Billy is once again blindsided by how little he knew about Steve when he pulled up to Hawkins. All the things he just assumed.

"'s not fine pretty boy. They shoulda been there."

Steve finally turns to look up at Billy. His smile doesn't reach his eyes.

"Doesn't matter. I got you now right?"

The TV flickers and hums in the background. Billy's chest feels tight, to small to carry all the love he has for this beautiful man. His fingers itch to set the house in Loc Nora ablaze. Put to rest all the ghosts.

He pulls Steve tighter to his chest. Burries his nose in chestnut hair that smells like lavender and Fera Faucet.

"You're never getting rid of me, baby"

#what is this?#i dunno but i don't feel like adding to it so oh well #billy hargrove #harringrove #steve harrington #tw: child abuse #tw: child neglect #that hoe writes #cleaning out my drafts

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valyrianblooded · 11 months

Text

We are pleased to announce the arrival of LADY RHAENYS of HOUSE VELARYON to King’s Landing! The TWENTY SEVEN year-old CIS WOMAN is whispered to be IMPULSIVE & MISCHEVIOUS but in reality they are VIVACIOUS & COQUIETTISH. They are also said to resemble { ALICIA AGNESON }. They are FOR a new treaty of peace and unity between House Targaryen and House Stark. Things, however, are not always quite what they seem, are they?

rhaenys is now a velaryon instead of a targaryen! changes will primarily be found in the backstory / head canons section!

BASICS.

name — rhaenys velaryon

nick names — rae ( primarily ), nys ( pronounced ‘niss’ - rarely ),

titles & alias’ — lady of driftmark, the forgotten daughter ( whispered ), the smiling dragon ( by the people - largely due to the bright smile she often wields in their presence )

gender — cis woman

pronouns — she/her

romantic & sexual orientation — heterosexual, heteroromantic

age — twenty seven

place of birth — driftmark

current residence — driftmark, though she spends ample time on dragonstone and within kings landing

PERSONALITY.

positive traits — vivacious, coquettish, kind hearted, graceful, playful

negative traits — mischievous, impulsive, curious, prone to flights of fancy

likes — music & singing ( the woman will often go about a task singing to herself, particularly when alone or under the belief that she is only accompanied by her ladies maid ), dancing ( she will pull anyone and everyone into dancing with her ), poetry & storytelling ( particularly the softer sort — tales of romance more than anything, but she occasionally quotes tales of battles )

dislikes — being talked down to, being kept from her found family/loved ones, the thought of a loveless marriage

PHYSICAL APPEARANCE.

eye color — lilac/amethyst

hair color — pale blonde, nearly white

hair style — varies daily. tends to wear her hair either loose or in a complex valyrian styling ( often consisting of braids ). tends to weave flowers or gems within her hair.

complexion — pale skin

build — slim

height — 5′3

clothing — dresses and slippers. at most formal events, she’s dressing in red or black, though occasionally she'll wear the aquamarine of her house. she tends to follow the fashions of westros, though she enjoys showing a bit of extra skin, much to the chagrin of her family members. she does enjoy finer, light colors ( whites, lilacs, soft pinks and greens ) as well as darker purples and blues. on occasion, depending on weather, she’ll don clothing of thicker material and fur lined cloaks.

accessories & jewelry — several rings worn upon her fingers ( polished dragonglass, golds or valyrian steel ). she wears a singular necklace that was her mothers of valyrian steel and rubies.

faceclaim — alicia agneson

RELATIONSHIPS.

parents — lady valaena velaryon nee rogare & lord OPEN velaryon, lady OPEN velaryon ( stepmother )

siblings — no full siblings, various half-siblings through her father and his second wife

cousins — house rogare of lys ( there are a plethora of distant cousins that linger in essos ; and while she writes to some of them often, she's never truly met any of them )

romantic interest — to be determined

children — none, though she does want a whole hoard of children in the future.

pets — a hound that she’s named meraxes

MISC.

religion — she largely follows the faith of the seven, however given her slight obsession with old valyria, rhaenys attempts dabbling with the gods of valyria ; given that so much information has been lost about the valyrian gods been the doom ( and later the dance of dragons ), a lot of her practice tends to mimic how northerners pray to their own gods ( quiet contemplation, though often knelt before a fire or on the rocky cliffs of her home where dragons once soared in the skies above ).

known languages — common tongue, high & low valyrian

BACKSTORY.

TW: CHILD NEGLECT, DEATH IN PREGNANCY

house rogare is a house as ancient as the dragons themselves ; holding ties to the once prosperous valyria. but when the doom struck, a house that owned a bank rivaling ( surpassing ) that of the iron bank seemed to falter and crumble as well ( the dragonlords were gone, and the century of blood that followed was devastating ). they managed to sustain their wealth ( but a portion of what they had once laid claim to ) ; living within the upper crusts of society of lys by surviving on favorable trade deals, but not once did they forget what they had once been.

marrying into the targaryens here and there, house rogare managed to forge connections to westeros ( though these seemed to be lost when robert led his rebellion and seemingly killed the last of the dragons ). so when dragons flew over essos and daeneys stormborn turned her eyes toward westeros once more, an offshoot of house rogare ( a man and his young wife ) were quick to pack up their things in order to follow the mother of dragons. it was there they had their first ( and only ) child ; a girl by the name of valaena rogare ; a birth that assisted in integrating them further into the unburnt queens court ( for what house would be more loyal than someone who was with her long before they set foot onto westeros? ). upon coming of age, their daughter would come to serve as a lady-in-waiting.

lord velaryon, much like his ancestors, was a proud and greedy man and upon seeing the ties the rogares ( a house that had once meant nothing in westeros ) had made to the royal house, arranged a betrothal between himself and the rumored valyrian beauty. it was, perhaps, the furthest thing from a love match, but the rogare's who had traveled west saw it as an opportunity.

as the elder two rogare's returning to lys following the passing of their patriarch, valaena grew pregnant shortly after her marriage, only to pass after birthing a girl. devastated at the loss, the now grandparents refused to return west.

uninterested in his lack of a male heir, lord velaryon passed the girls care off to a wet nurse ( and later a septa ) barely waiting the appropriate time to grieve before marrying once more to yet another illustrious house ( his second wife providing him his much desired heir and spare within several years of marriage ).

growing up, rhaenys knew little of her fathers affection, nor her stepmothers care ; their attentions often focused on their own children, who seemed to be favored in all ways. her upbringing was largely due to driftmarks maester and septa ; the staff that riddled with castle and the smallfolks who spotted the land. they showered her with the love her father refused her and taught the velaryon girl everything she would need to survive in this world ( and yet still, she strived to earn some sort of acknowledgement from the man ).

HEADCANONS.

001. when bad weather rolls in to shroud the island of driftmark, rhaenys took the exploring the entirety of her home in the years of her youth. she learned of every nook and cranny; of rooms long forgotten and collecting dust. she came to claim one as her own, calling it a solar when asked despite the fact that it was so dreadfully far from her own chambers. the room is perch high up within driftmark, with windows overlooking both the sea and the greatness of the island as a whole. the room is often flooded with light. cleaning and rightening the space was a task she undertook herself. when she was not sitting lessons wandering about the island she’s come to call home, that is where she often squirrels herself away.

when the sun shines upon driftmark, and when the woman is capable of shaking her servants and sworn sword alike, she takes to walking the island alone. whether it be visiting the small villages that pepper the shores of her home ( by now, she knows all the names of the small folk ; knows of their families and plights ), or walking the vast shores themselves.

002. her septa taught her lengthily about old valyria per the request of her father ( the man wanting all of his children to know where they came from ). it sparked an obsession with old valyria and she has since collected everything from old texts, jewelry, antiques and clothing that hail from the lands. she has a basin she keeps filled with hot coals ; a spot to nestle a petrified dragons egg, should she ever find one ( in the hopes that while cradled amongst the coals it might crack and prove that she truly is a trueborn velaryon ; like a dragonrider of old ). the room she’s claimed as her solar almost a shrine and she meticulously displayed each and every one of the objects she’s found.

if it were not for the rumors of the toxic air surrounding valyria, rhaenys is certain she would visit herself in search of artifacts, dragon eggs and to explore the once great ruins.

003. despite being the first trueborn velaryon, her father has always treated her as if she is something lesser, leaving the woman feeling the need to prove herself worthy of the velaryon name. she tries to excel in all that she does ( her dancing is flawless, her needlework is admirable, she knows the histories of her house and that of the great houses of westeros, she’s more than proficient in several languages and holds herself well ). she tries to wear the mask of velaryon lady well ; and it is only those closest to her that can see the cracks and imperfections ( the wildness that she often restrains, the laughter that is just edging to loud when she’s truly surprised or joyful, the crumbling of emotion when deeply effected, the roll of eyes when recounting a conversation held earlier in the day with this or that lord or lady ). strangers though? to them, she plays any cracks or apparent faults off. attempts to make them seeming charming.

004. she has only asked her father about her mother a handful of times, but given the half-answers the man provided, rhaenys stopped trying to obtain any further information about the woman until one day a servant made an off handed comment about how similar she looked to her late-mother. it was then she began to ask the staff and driftmarks residents what they knew about the former lady velaryon.

it was also this encouragement that led the woman to taking to frequently writing the portion of her mothers family that had remained in lys. she's taken to corresponding with distant cousins and her grandparents alike. though none of them are aware of exactly how lord velaryon treated his daughter, there have been constant requests that she join them for a time ( a thought she's entertained but never dared follow through with ; wondering if she left if she'd bother to return ).

005. her father cared little of her whereabouts in her youth, leading the woman to travel frequently to dragonstone ( driftmarks' sister island ) and kings landing itself.

006. she has a way of warming & charming even the iciest of hearts. the woman is naturally charismatic and will be welcoming ( be kind ) to anyone… until her chosen family or those she cares for are threatened ( then she’ll likely hiss and spit as a kitten might ; the woman has no capability of bringing physical harm to anyone regardless of circumstance, but her sworn sword and the other guards that shadow her are more than capable of swinging a sword on her behalf ).

007. she carries around two small valyrian daggers, one is always strapped to her right thigh, the other is often hidden within her shoes. she’s been taught how to kill someone if the need requires it, but in truth, she’s easily overpowered physically. she relies on those loyal to her house to physically protect her.

008. given her proficiency in high valyrian, rhaenys will fall into speaking the language without realizing it ( particularly when highly emotional, or when trying to have a private conversation amongst her family members without others catching wind of what they are discussing ). she does often assign random little nicknames towards those she likes ( and occasionally those she dislikes ).

009. her favorite stories to be told upon falling asleep each night as a child were tales of great love. she came to idolize these couples and long for a great romance of her own ( it was only once she grew older that she realized each great love made into a song was only due to the tragedy that seemed to follow ). even so, she’s still under the belief that every person is destined for one great love.

her hopes for romance have been dashed with the passing of the dragon queeen and tensions raising within westeros. she knows peace amongst the great houses is nothing but piece of paper ; easily discarded. it’s the marriages that often accompany them that solidify things. and given her fathers greed, the woman knows her husband will not be one of her choosing, but someone the man picks to further strengthen house velaryon and bring it back to its true glory days.

010. her maternal grandparents returned to lys shortly before the passing of her mother due to the passing of another family member ( and despite knowing they have a granddaughter, have not dared return since ). once she was old enough to understand their absence, her septa took to writing letters on the young velaryon's behalf, bridging the connection to her mothers family. she now corresponds with them regularly on her own ( the elderly couple all but begging she visit them in lys before they leave the world behind ). despite the disregard of her father, there is something keeping her tethered to westeros. for that reason, her grandparents tugged a few strings and sent a handful of guards to watch out for her ( not trusting the lord velaryon ). one of them got along well with the eldest of the velaryon children and since swore their sword to her.

POSSIBLE CONNECTIONS.

her father. the relationship between father and daughter is near inexistent. the man viewed his eldest as a hinderance and burden growing up, but now that she's blossomed into a valyrian beauty, rhaenys is a pawn ; another means to strengthen velaryon ties to great houses and further expand their reach. i imagine rhaenys rarely speaks about against the man aside from the occasional biting remark.

her stepmother. i'm up in the air on this one ; i could picture their relationship rather bitter, seeing as rhaenys might view her as a replacement to her mother, or perhaps the woman is kind to her in little ways on occasion. attempts to act like a mother to her when lord velaryon isn't around but because its only when the man isn't around things are a bit tense.

half siblings. i can see her getting along with maybe one of her siblings but the rest probably aren't great, likely due to the lot mimicking how lord velaryon regards her. they probably carry an air of indifference and mostly ignore one another, but pretend to be a united front in public.

her septa & driftmarks maester. these two sort of were the front runners of raising her. i imagine in secret she refers to them as her mother and father, despite the two telling her countless times not to do so ( they've probably given up trying to correct her at this point ).

staff at driftmark ( cooks, maids, guards, etc ), as well as smallfolk of driftmark. people who watched her grow? who she befriended? whose houses she ate meals in, whose families she asked after? basically people who probably believe in her more than most.

possible betrothal. someone throw a big wrench into her plans with a betrothal. destroy her thoughts of a grand love for something political and strained. she's going to find a way to break it, but just to spice things up and add tension into her life for a bit

lovers. i imagine she’s kept a very, very small number of lovers ( 1 - 2 at most ). i’d particularly like to see someone who made her throw caution to the wind. who encouraged her to shed the ‘perfect lady’ mask to be a bit more reckless. someone she could really picture her life with and maybe they both longing talked about a future they couldn’t have for some reason or another.

sworn sword. probably from a westrosi house ( or perhaps someone from lys ) ; their family had ties to house rogare before her grandparents returned to lys and her mother passed, and her grandparents have since written expressing desires to have a close, trusted ally watch after their granddaughter. this person is well aware that lord velaryon is an utter asshole and has taken their duties very serious.... perhaps they could have been sent as a ward to house velaryon or even to act as a companion to rhaenys and have sort of stepped into the unofficial role of sworn sword as well if you'd prefer they keep a noble title.

hand-maidens/ladies maids. one or two people from houses loyal to house rogare or house velaryon. i imagine they’ve been with rhaenys for at least ten years. maybe they started as companions in her youth. i can see these as being the people ( aside her family ) she’s closest to. they’re her confidants.

friends. given she travels around the crownlands, she’s probably met countless people. she will try to find common ground with anyone and everyone. if they don’t see one another frequently, she’s probably penning letters every few weeks ( or if they’re good friends, occasionally sending along little gifts… or finding an excuse to visit most likely ).

#rhaenys velaryon — * development #//updated little intro now that rhae is a velaryon instead of a targ!#tw: child neglect #tw: death in pregnancy

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