#trying ‘weird’ mortal foods and activities

[cherriiramen]

🎶 You’ll be my American boyyy~ 🎶

#they’re in love your honour #this is what happened after endgame #they retired everything and live their married lives like this now #regardless that Steve’s bbg was once an intergalactic arsonist #now he gives him little tours around the city #trying ‘weird’ mortal foods and activities #Loki #Steve Rogers #Captain America #Capslok #Stoki #Frostshield #marvel #avengers #Captain America x Loki #Steve x Loki #art #my art

[emergency-plan]

DPxDC Idea

I had a little idea an have no time to actually write a fic, so I just wrote a sorta-summary and am posting it like this.

This is inspired by the game Home Safety Hotline and may contain hints to spoilers for that game. It's really clever, I really like it. I recommend you play it if slightly spooky without any "real" horror appeals to you.

Alright, Danny's been Ghost King for a few years and has realized more than just his usual rogues make their way to the living world, and a lot of those ghosts don't stay in Amity. By himself, it'd take forever to track down all those spirits and specters that are out causing mischief. Luckily, not many that escaped his notice are all that powerful and could only cause minor disturbances, just enough to get noticed by the living.

Many people outside Amity don't even recognize the activity as ghosts, so they blame other sources. Scratching in the walls is mistaken as mice, whispers and apparitions are mistaken as hallucinations and carbon monoxide hallucinations, attempted overshadowings mistaken as stokes or migraines. In this day and age, where does everyone turn to when looking for advice or how to solve problems? The internet.

Team Phantom devise a method to try and track down ghosts that are stuck or tormenting the living by building a website meant to look like a help hotline, and with some algorithm trickery make it one of the top options when searching for signs similar to ghost presences. Add some bits and bobs to make it appear as a more normal-looking website on any computer affiliated with government organizations, and you’ve got some protection from the GIW.

Calls start slowly, so the three of them can handle it by themselves. Once more people are calling, they decide to start a call center. They hired some trusted people around Amity and even a few ghosts who want to help. To get around worrying about the ghosts messing with the tech while personally taking a call, they decide to automate the system to record caller’s reports for the employees to listen to, and then send a report back, offering their services to bring the spirit back to the Realms.

It’s been surprisingly lucrative, and Danny hasn’t had to dip into his kingly funds much other than at the start. He still keeps prices low, just enough to not garner suspicions at offering a free service while paying his workers fairly (he doesn’t want to know why some of the ghosts want mortal money). What he’s started having more trouble with is not enough employees to take the calls. Sometimes ghosts lose track of time and don’t show up for their shifts (he doesn’t blame them, time gets weird in the Ghost Zone), and he’s run out of people he trusts who want the job.

Eventually he decides to put out an ad, deciding he’ll slowly trust whoever takes the job with a little more information over time, see how they react, and measure to see if they’re trustworthy.

What he doesn’t think about is how posting it on the website will let more people than just those that live in Amity apply.

Meanwhile, in Gotham, one Cassandra Cain is looking for a job. She doesn’t need the money, B gives her access to way too much, but she wants the experience. She’s at the age she’s heard most kids get a job, and she wants to see what it’s like.

And she quickly found out retail and fast food are NOT for her. She doesn’t think those conditions are fit for anyone, honestly. She’d have to see if she could get Bruce to work on that. But that still leaves her out of a job. She got overwhelmed with a lot of people, so virtual options would probably be best, and something that let her interact with people without having to speak. There weren’t a lot of options out there, and she wasn’t skilled enough with a computer yet to take programming ones.

That’s when she found the listing for the hotline call center. Based in a small Illinois town, but had virtual options, listen to recorded customer calls, diagnose their issue, and send an information packet on potential next steps. It was indirect, could also help her practice her reading, and flexible. It was perfect.

It didn’t take long to hear back after she applied (Danny was freaking out, he didn’t think anyone outside Amity would apply. He’d turn this kid down, but she’d mentioned her difficulties with speaking in her application and SWEETY YOU DONT MENTION STUFF LIKE THAT ON AN APPLICATION. But she said the job would be perfect for her and he just couldn’t…) and she got the job!

Her first day rolls around and she’s given access to the database. A lot has been redacted, but she has descriptions for common problems like mice, carbon monoxide, black mold, etc. she gets her first call recording and carefully reads through the entries before selecting the one that sounds right. She sends it off and waits for the next. The calls come a little too regularly, with too similar intervals between them, so she figures her new employer is testing how well she’s doing (Danny’s giving her previous resolved calls that weren’t anything supernatural. She even got the ants right! He had even gotten that wrong!)

Eventually, her shift ends and she tells her family how well her first day went at dinner. They congratulate her and go on patrol as usual. The next day, things ramp up a little.

She logs into the database at the beginning of her shift and noticed some new entries. She now had access to descriptions of shades, blob ghosts, will o’ wisps, and more minor spirits. She gets a recording reminding her all this info is confidential and that she’s not allowed to share it with anyone. She’s a little confused, but she reads through each just as carefully. The calls come less regularly, so she figures she’s actually connected to the system now (Danny gave her access to the most common ghosts they get calls about and is listening in while he’s handling ghosts to make sure she doesn’t get anything she’s not prepared for).

Her shift ends and over dinner, she mentions that she’s had to diagnose some odd things. They assure her there’s more pests and hazards out there than you’d expect. She doesn’t tell her family about the distraught woman haunted by the Ecto-Echo of her husband’s habit of making her coffee every morning after he passed a few weeks ago. Or the person who had a Shade masquerading as their shadow. Just about one of her caller's cockroach problem.

The next day follows a similar pattern; more entries, slightly more powerful ghosts, reminder that the info she's been given access to is confidential and could get people hurt if it got in the wrong hands, congratulated for her good work, read through carefully and learn signs of each, diagnose calls, before calling it a day (Danny was so proud of her, she'd only confused a blob ghost with a ghost animal once, and it hadn't caused him any trouble when he went to collect them).

She'd used the bat-computer to check up on some of the callers she'd diagnosed, and they seemed to be doing fine. Some had posted about their weird experiences on their social media and how her employer had somehow helped them, but often didn't quite know how (Danny liked to hide his powers, so most of what customers saw was him using ghost tech. When it couldn't be solved with just a quick souping, he had to pull a little ghostly trickery while the customer wasn't watching). She didn't know how her boss was somehow across the world multiple times a day to help clients in different countries, but he seemed to at least be helping people. She started not having any stories she could tell her family at dinner.

At some point, she heard reports that one of the speedsters probably messed with time travel again before clocking into her shift. She had almost all the available entries and had gotten very good at recognizing tricky cases. She answered a recorded call, just like at the beginning of each of her shifts, but this one was a little different. Danny had sent out an announcement to be on the lookout for a specific phenomena that often occurred after shifts in reality, as they were highly dangerous and needed to be dealt with swiftly.

She studied each entry and paused on what she was supposed to keep a careful eye out for. Revenants, corpses that came back to life, often seen shambling around the graveyards they were buried in. Something about that sounded familiar. A section in their entry said the person brought back often had a ghost in the Realms (which she still didn't know what that was) that was in terrible pain from shifts in reality trying to pull them back to their body, but the separation of dimensions preventing them.

Expectedly, she did get a call from someone convinced there was a zombie wandering somewhere along the east coast. She double checked it couldn't be anything else before submitting it and notifying her boss.

Curious, and she knew no one would be in the batcave around this time of day, she brought her laptop with her down to the bat-computer. She found cameras in the area the caller reported, and froze at what she saw. Shambling across an abandoned street was a rotting corpse. It really did look like a zombie. It was covered in dirt, wearing an old-fashioned suit, and had skin sloughing off its bones.

But what Cass could only focus on was how much its movements read that it was in pain. It was suffering in such a horrible way its mindless being didn't even deserve. It was horrible.

Then, there was a flash of green and an area of the cameras were covered in static. The glitched portion somehow read with kindness and pity. It slowly approached the corpse, simple reaching out gently (what was presumably a hand), ignoring the way it lashed out. It suddenly fell, caught and slowly lower to the ground by the strange being she couldn't see. It closed the thing's eyes before carrying it off in the direction the map said a graveyard could be found.

After that, she finished her shift and went to dinner. Her family asked if she was alright, and she only replied it'd been a long day.

She clocked in early the next day and messaged her boss for more information on Revenants. Dinner that night was one of the few times Jason agreed to come by, and if he noticed how she kept glancing at him, he didn't say anything.

A week later, she asked her boss what might happen if a Revenant was exposed to, as it was called in its entry, a "Corrupted Ecto-Spring" ("...an ugly hole in the fabric of reality that connects the world of the living to the Realms. The ectoplasm that leaks through the tear stagnates and festers into toxic pools that kills humans and makes ghosts sick."). Danny requested a video call.

#dpxdc #danny phantom #cassandra cain #i might continue this later but i REALLY need to get back to my homework #got so many ideas but no time and no energy :( #dcxdp

[gallusrostromegalus]

Any weird Soul Society specific superstions for care and maintenance of one's Zanpaktou?

There's a joke rumor that goes around Shinigami Academy that if you've tried everything else and your zanpaktou STILL isn't talking to you, you can always try getting into mortal danger so it has to come out and save your ass to save your own. The faculty loudly maintains that is false and even considering it is a great way to fuck up your spiritual connection with it. The problem is that unfortunately, the rumor is true- even the most stubborn zanpaktou tend to have at least one survival instinct and will force their wielders to fight their way out of a life-or-death situation. But the teachers are right that it WILL permanently fuck up your relationship with a sword if you intentionally harm yourself for it's attention, and it's important to note that just because your zanpaktou manifested, that doesn't mean either of you are strong or skilled enough to get out of your dipshit situation you caused.

A more commonly advised bonding practice is to practice putting trust in your sword and learning about its preferences by picking one day a month where it's in charge and you do everything it says. EVERYTHING. If your sword tells you to walk off a cliff, start walking - the key here is to teach the sword spirit that not only do you trust it, it's also responsible for you and can't go around giving you bad advice for shits and giggles. Most sword spirits never ask their wielders to do something dangerous, but they do ask to go see a weird movie or for their person to eat an unusual food so they can taste it by proxy, and thus the wielder gets used to trusting them and thinking of the spirit as a person unto themselves.

Doing proper maintenance on your weapon is an important bonding activity and the first time a zanpaktou has to be taken to a smithy to be properly re-sharpened is often a nerve-wracking experience for both sword and shinigami, a bit like a child's first doctor's appointment.

A practice that is not *recommended* but most people do anyway and that works is sharing gossip. Sword spirits can see each other when they choose to manifest, and have friendships and rivalries and THAT BITCH FROM THAUMATURGY CLASS YOU WILL NOT BELIEVE - and likewise, since sword spirits spend so much time resting they want to hear all the updates on the wielder's friends and family and rivals and OH MY GOD YOU NEED TO HEAR WHAT THAT MORON WHO TEACHES O-CHEM DID NOW-

Sometimes, a sword will bond with someone very deeply, very fast. There's a superstition that shinigami who bond with and master their zanpaktou quickly are either destined for greatness or to burn out and drop out of the court guard just as fast. Neither is true, actually. They're not prone to grand destiny or burnout any more than people who take a normal or long time to bond with their zanpaktou. They are more likely to get thrown out of the guard for really weird crimes though.

On the other end of the spectrum, if it takes a long time to bond with your zanpaktou, there might be something wrong with you. The rumor isn't *totally* unfounded- the main thing that keeps people from bonding with others is, you know, unresolved emotional issues, the same thing that prevents less stabby relationships. But it's just as likely that it's the sword is the one that's snake fuckingly crazy.

#aeiwam #an elephant is warm and mushy #bleach #bleach fanfiction #zanpaktou

[blues824]

💚Can I please request (Ciel. Alois. Sebastian. The undertaker. Grell. madame red ) with the tanjiro s/o

🖤For the demons and shinigamis they are mesmerised by their soul it's so pure and rare th that they need extra protection to be safe.

💚Imagen them learning that they family got killed by a demon and turned her little sister in to a demon and doesn't hold a grudge against any others demon.

🖤(For the undertaker image him getting the okay from her to give her family a proper and beautiful burial instead of her makeshift one. And her being able to give them a proper good bye. 😢)

💚How whoud they react to her smelling gift. Breathing style and rock like forehead and what whoud be there reaction to seeing nezuko for the first time (madame red whoud see her as her child 😭)

I decided to add Claude because why not?

Ciel Phantomhive 

Is questioning how you are able to not hold a grudge against the demon who turned your sister into a demon as well as killing your entire family. Are you sure you’re mentally okay? His parents were killed in a fire and he’s seeking revenge on the arsonists and murderers.

He noticed your sense of smell when you entered the room and you saw and smelled Ciel getting more and more angry. You went over and calmed him down before it got to a point of no return. He asked how you knew and you said you could smell it.

He probably loves your cooking a lot. When dinner time rolls around, he finds himself more excited for the main course rather than the dessert. Sebastian is grateful to you because the more healthy he eats, the better his overall attitude is.

When he meets Nezuko for the first time, he immediately questions the muzzle. You explain that it’s to lead her away from the tempting smell of mortal blood because she is still a demon. By the end, she gives him a hug and a nuzzle before returning to the box.

Ciel is concerned when Sebastian tells him that he can sense more demons lurking around the manor because they can sense your pure soul. He puts the house on mandatory lockdown and will order his butler to fight off all the demons outside.

Sebastian Michaelis

Since you are his significant other and he’s a demon, he probably already knows about the horrible news of your family. It’s disgraceful to him. Even demons here were more sensible and reasonable than that.

He noticed your sense of smell when you had a very worried expression on your face and you ran to the kitchen. There, Sebastian found out that Bard was trying to blowtorch the meat so that it could ‘cook faster’.

From then on, you volunteered to help the chef in preparing meals. You told him that it would be volunteer work rather than being paid because you love cooking for others. Moving forward, the other noble families envied the Phantomhive Manor for their excellent food.

When he met Nezuko for the first time, it was a truly interesting sight. He is very tall and she’s very small. Eventually, she rushes in and gives him a big hug. He’s taken aback, but starts giving her head pats in return.

Because of what he is, he’s naturally very protective of you. You have shown him that love is possible, even for a demon. So when he senses more demons lurking around because of the purity of your soul, you get special guard-dog privileges.

Alois Trancy

Is also questioning how you aren’t actively seeking revenge on the one who murdered your entire family. Hell, he’s even more mad when you tell him than you were when you discovered the bodies.

He notices your incredibly strong sense of smell when you take a huge whiff of the air and you sense a carriage arriving at the Trancy Manor. You tell him that it smells like Lord Ciel Phantomhive and his butler Sebastian. He sends a weirded out look to you.

He absolutely loves the food you make. In fact, he’ll throw a tantrum if you’re not the one who made his food for either breakfast, lunch, or dinner. He would even offer to pay you to do it everyday. You kindly refuse and say you’d do it for free.

When he meets Nezuko for the first time, he gets annoyed that she has a muzzle on and at one point tries to forcefully take it off. You patiently tell him that it’s for his safety because she’s still a demon and she’s probably stronger than Claude.

When Claude alerts Alois that you are basically a beacon for other demons, he is both angry and worried. You’re the only one who truly understands him and he won’t let you be taken away from him. Claude, go take out the rubbish.

Claude Faustus

Like Sebastian, he probably already knows that you are a person with a very unfortunate past. He’s angry that a person as kind and forgiving as you had to go through such pain. But he’s impressed that you hold no resentment.

He notices your strong sense of smell when you sniff and alert him that Alois is going to get angry in a few minutes. He heads over and gives him some scones you made and tea before coming back and asking how you knew. You explained that you had a gift.

Alois was very happy after eating the scones, so Claude asks if he can receive the recipe. You volunteer to just make them for him whenever necessary if he liked them so much. The both of them are very grateful to you.

When he meets Nezuko, the height difference is very apparent. She has to crane her neck if she wants to look at him in his eyes. Eventually, she motions for him to bend over and gives him a few head pats before leaving.

Again, since he’s a demon like Sebastian, he’s very protective over you. When he senses other demons on the premises trying to get you and your pure soul, he’s angry. He suggests that you remain inside as much as you can so you don’t get attacked.

Undertaker

He offers a proper English burial for your family, free of charge as long as you remain an apprentice in the funeral arts (so technically not for free). He’s happy to see that you don’t hold a grudge against all of demonkind.

He noticed your strong sense of smell when you had to mix the ingredients for the embalming fluid but they didn’t have labels. You opened the containers and took a small whiff from a small distance away. You were then able to make the fluid.

Unlike demons, Grim Reapers need to eat. That being said, he loves the food you make because it just tastes so good. He’s always excited when it’s your turn to cook supper because he knows that he’s gonna be eating good.

When he meets Nezuko, they connect instantly. They both have fairly upbeat attitudes in general, so you all are just the happy trio. Considering Reapers aren’t human, I think it would be fine if you took Nezuko’s muzzle off.

Anyways, he probably knows that you have a pure soul because he reaped souls for a while before becoming the undertaker. He also knows that it’s basically a delicacy to demons, so he makes sure that he either accompanies you outside or that you stay inside with him.

Grelle Sutcliff

This is one of the very few times where she shows heavy remorse because she was probably the one to reap the souls of your family. She tells you that the films of your mother were especially sweet because she spent a lot of time with her family.

Through the films, she probably already knows about your sense of smell. You used it a lot when playing hide and seek with your younger siblings. She saw it in person when you were able to sniff out Sebastian and Ciel in the alleyway (iykyk).

She absolutely loves the food you make. She might even come into the kitchen and help where she can as a bonding experience between the two of you. It’s moments like these where your situation could be mistaken as somewhat normal.

When she first meets Nezuko, she squeals about how adorable she is. She takes her by the hand and puts all sorts of accessories into your sister’s hair. Nezuko seems to enjoy it because she’s not fighting against it.

Like the Undertaker, she probably also knows that you have a pure soul because she reaps a lot of filthy and impure ones. She can tell that you’re not like all the others. She knows that a bunch of demons will try to come after you, so she will do her best to protect you.

Angelina Dalles-Burnett (Madame Red)

Grelle has probably told her about your family since she was the one to reap the souls. Angelina is absolutely horrified that the demon would do something so horrible to a person so kind and good-hearted.

She noticed your strong sense of smell when she came back from an… outing… with Grelle. You were able to smell the blood that was previously on her hands before she washed them. You were also able to smell the anger that was present during the time of her committing the crimes.

She does enjoy the food you make. She would tell you about her day as you both sit in the kitchen, just enjoying each other’s company. It’s usually not normal for a baroness to be in the kitchen, but it’s also not normal for a baroness to murder people.

When she first meets Nezuko, like Grelle she probably smiles in excitement. Your sister doesn’t seem to mind the extra attention or the extra dresses provided to her. You laugh as Angeline makes Nezuko twirl.

Grelle probably informs Madame Red about the purity of your soul and how a lot of demons will most definitely be after it. She’s obviously concerned, but she knows that you are strong enough to at least escape a messy situation if you need to.

#black butler x reader #black butler #ciel phantomhive #ciel phantomhive x reader #sebastian michaelis x reader #sebastian michaelis #alois trancy x reader #alois trancy #claude faustus #claude faustus x reader #undertaker x reader #undertaker #grelle sutcliff #grelle sutcliff x reader #madame red #madame red x reader #kuroshitsuji #kuroshitsuji x reader

[wordsvomit101]

I'm a random cringe teenager in school, we are not in Euphoria dude.

Author note: It is from Leviathan's pov because I do not want to come back to that dark time that closely, both of my arms shag to the ground when I thought back to it. Plus I need to write something else besides the quiz or else I might flip. Warnings: OOC, you might not relate to this MC, Leviathan being weird.

✎﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏

(Lunch Break)

"Stop moping. I can't stand that idiotic sulking face of yours. Either get out of my sight or speak quickly," he snapped, hitting the right button as your mouth, busy chewing rice, halted to gulp it down before you began yammering nonstop.

"I don't know what I was doing back then, dude. I should just cooperate with them but I tried to act cool and know it all. Fuck! It was so bad and I sound like a total asshole! I might need to change the table," you lamented, as if not bothering to breathe.

You sit across him in the cafeteria, the space humming with the cacophony of annoying mortals and the frigid metallic scent of their food trays. The students' chatter is a relentless torrent, bouncing off the walls and reaching into every corner of the room. It's relentless, grating, and suffocating. It's the sound of a thousand conversations overlapping, each one clamoring for attention, each one more meaningless than the last. He tries to focus on the disgustingly low-quality food and your voice, to block out the noise, but it's impossible. The clatter of trays, the scrape of chairs, the mindless babble—it's all too much. He feels his fingers twitching, his palms itching to cover his ears and shut out the world, or maybe just slaughter all of them.

"The rest of the class was ok, I think, but I can see how they uncomfortably sit and not look back at me. Oh my god, I didn't just set off a series of bullying in my second year in high school, did I? Shit, I definitely did," you rambled on.

"Then how is it my problem?"

You look up at him with all the innocence those eyes could muster, yet hiding the aggravating angel-like rat behaviors. You give him another vein on the neck.

"You silly goose, you stuck with me for too long, and after all we've gone through, you have to share this with me. I stuck through your cringe emo phase when we were in middle school so this is the least you could do, you ungrateful brat," you chided him in a tone an older sibling would, and it only made him want to choke you from across the table.

It was maddening. Despite your apparent introversion, you never remained isolated for long. Even when you occupied a seat by yourself, you were always within the watchful gazes of at least three others. He had once witnessed you sitting alone in a classroom, but within five minutes, you had hastily gathered your belongings and hurried off to an extracurricular activity, your punctuality bordering on par with those from Niflheim, which is not appreciated in this situation.

Now he has to sit here and listen to your endless yapping again while surrounded by these stank mortals. Their pungent socks and unwashed body odors assaulted his delicate nostrils. Sharing your sensory experience became a curse as he lamented the existence of his sensitive nose. The stench from a table away was an unbearable torment, something that only that vixen Beelzebub and his cronies would enjoy.

"Ughh, I'm so fucked, you will be fine for sure but I don't know when my resting bitch face effect run out. Oh, can you eat this for me? Thanks, I don't have the will to try to eat them today."

"When did I say I-"

"Just eat them, will you? Plus my parents and I once bet on how tall you will be in the future. They both said you will be in the 6-foot range but I said 6'3 so grow faster for me," nonchalantly you quickly interrupted him with another story that your mind made up to patch up the holes his presence left.

You already put all the vegetables on his tray before he could say anything and get back to stuffing those cold things you called pork into your mouth again. Despite his genuine attempts to offer alternative snacks and better choices from nearby vendors, you remained steadfast in your refusal, compelling him to endure these demeaning moments alongside you. Annoyingly preaching something about saving money despite how you impulsively bought them both two bags of crab chips and bottles of banana milk the next day... If he threw it away you would be both sad and angry at him, possibly even not talking to him again for weeks unless he explains why so he, humiliatingly, chews those junks down his throat... It wasn't bad, at least.

But your smug looks ruin that moment and even dare to tease him about it despite your cheeks being stretched out by him like useless dough.

All the times he tried to initiate something with you, small or big, you outright gave him a funny disgusted look that was different from how those vile angels did but got on his nerves all the same. One time you even poked his eyes and screamed bloody murder, grinning childishly all the while, before he chased you around the school grounds, making a scene for the whole student body like some kind of circus. It's still a mystery how you manage to outrun him despite your less-than-stellar PE scores.

"What's with that grumpy look? You look like a monkey that just ate a hot chili—A good-looking one, of course, so chill your ass down, bro, that look could give a grandmother a heart attack."

... He had often contemplated the violent retribution he could inflict upon you—hanging you high by the neck or sending you tumbling down the unforgiving steps for each careless barb you hurled his way, only to watch you brush it off with a nonchalance that made it seem like nothing. In the reality of your usual demeanor, you would shy away from his gaze and hide your thoughts in your polite smile, an unspoken pact of avoidance. But now, you were a stranger to your former reserve, an uncharted territory in which your words flowed freely, unlike the distance you put around yourself toward everyone... It's grating as much as it is refreshing.

"I should cut your tongue off one of these days so you wouldn't spew nonsense all the time."

"Ah shush buddy, I would already be buried by now if you took your threat seriously. Also, what is our next class? Math? Shit, did we have homework in math? I can't remember, I only cramp on our literature work."

He learns something else about you that only makes him want to hurl you through the wall. Despite having all the time in the world, you whine and moan when it comes to your duties but you read through those meaningless comics and binge-watch countless romance dramas online, swooning over fictional humans whose appearances barely reach half his height almost every night. Instead of making good use of your time, you ignore the genuine thing right next to you. He should have twisted your nose off your face when you laughed at his face back then.

He ignored the flutter in his ribcage when he thought back to your smiling face, carefree and looking up at him with playfulness as you took joy in his frustration.

"Your stupidity never ceases to astound me. We have a test tomorrow, you bull-headed rat." Standing up, he took both of their trays to the table to be cleaned later. He didn't eat much besides the gross vegetables you put on his tray and waited for you to finish eating. As you two walked, you continued to talk incessantly, and he had to suffer through the noise.

"Aiya, stop with that snobby ass speech and help me study. At least I remember the formula, you know? An achievement for people like me who suck at it! You should be proud of your homie."

"I would be disappointed in myself if I ever am proud of the likes of you, you ange- rat."

Glancing down at you, your gazes ahead and not a bit bothered, it made him want to wipe it off your face and make you red with anger and embarrassment like that time… but you would never accept it, nor would your eyes give him the same reaction he was starting to get used to. Getting used to this mundane routine, the normalcy of this setting was so much different compared to schools in Hades. It was peaceful. It made him want to hold your hand…

"Hey."

Your serious tone of voice broke him out of his thoughts. When he glanced back, you were frowning, contemplating… You were realizing the differences again, this was the 35th time you did this. He admits he underestimated you when he first got into your memory zone. You almost blasted him with thunder magic the first time you uttered that human's name after he refused to join you to go to the anime convention for the 6th time. He envied how just by a mere utterance of that wretched name, you easily broke out of your trance.

Like last time, your eyes didn’t have that foggy glaze over them but were becoming brighter again.

"Have you ever talked like an old man like that?… And have you always had those horns before? Your voice sounds deeper too…"

But no matter, it was an easy fix, some rearranging, and good leading words would do. Before your gaze looked away from his and your smile went cold again, he quickly took out your favorite flavor lollipop from his pocket and unwrapped it easily between his hands, acknowledging how you were becoming more tense each second and your eyes almost fully cleared even without looking at you.

"Are you-"

"Hmph, you must have a lot of time to even question things like this."

Gently shoving the lollipop into your mouth and taking in your shocked face, his heart was unconsciously at ease when you calmed down after tasting the familiar treat between you and that human. You gazed up at him with a goofy smile, humming a tune as you continued walking to class together, the tension between you dissipating like mist in the morning sun.

"Did you buy it from the vendor? I thought they were out of this flavor today- Ah wait, I need to finish this quick. How much time do we have left until class starts?"

As you two entered, he swiftly slipped into his seat, cutting you off. The class was strewn with a sparse gathering of students, as per the norm… Tch.

"Not a single ‘thank you’, it seems you’re the ungrateful one. I should let you rot once that test comes around."

"Hah?! H-hey I get it alright?… I’m sorry ok? Sorry for taking you for granted."

As you settled into the seat before him, a sense of remorse washed over you, reflected in the apologetic gaze you cast upon him. It was as if your eyes carried the weight of a thousand regrets, and he could almost visualize your invisible ears drooping in a display of pitiful sorrow. With a hesitant glance upwards, you met his gaze, mirroring the submissive demeanor of some of his summoned creatures, evoking a sense of empathy tinged with a hint of melancholy.

… Funny, that was how you looked at him when you brought that whip on his back. Not like this, it was not one where he could sense the disgust you had for yourself as you held back from apologizing. That might be one of the last times you were ever expressive toward him.

"I’m sorry… and thank you for buying this for me, and for the many other times you did."

Your voice was softer now, almost like a whisper, yet honest all the same as your eyes never strayed from his. However, he preferred that impish grin you usually directed at him than this.

"Heh, like I need your worthless apology. Finish it quickly, the teacher is coming."

In a swift and unspoken gesture, you couldn't help but emit a soft snort and playfully nudge his arm, a silent indication of your camaraderie. With a subtle yet meaningful exchange, you effortlessly returned to your designated spot, sinking into your seat as you savored the sweet crunch of your lollipop. In that fleeting moment, the weight of somberness that loomed above both of you dissipated into the ether, replaced by an unspoken understanding and a false sense of lightness.

"Geez, way to ruin a nice apology, you jerk."

"…"

The veneer of normalcy would inevitably crack, the charade becoming an unsustainable burden. As the school bell pierced the air, summoning students into the classroom and the teacher embarked on the lesson, his gaze fell upon your slouched posture, a telltale sign of your mind already drifting off to daydreaming. When the final bell tolled, signaling the end of class, he alone would carry the weight of these fleeting moments and a poignant reminder of the unspoken connection that had flickered between you.

'… For now, let me savor this a little bit longer.'

#what in hell is bad #whb #whb mc #whb oc #whb leviathan #wordsvomit notes

[punkeropercyjackson]

Weirdboygirl Percy headcanons

(But it's almost entierly me just sharing my friends' because i'm a sap who wants them to be appreciated /lh)

When i say 'weirdboygirl',i mean it-Percy is transfem bigender and autistic with no masking ability based off canon subtext that borderlines on straight up text.He's also afrolatina/monoracial black dominican for the same reason and he's mostly femme but has a decent amount of masc thrown in there for gender fuckery and he's crustpunk with pastel/kidcore elements thrown in

He's a huge gamer who's got his own low cost setup and only dosen't do Lets Plays even though he has a vlog channel because with how he is that's setting himself up for getting viral meme'd

He thinks adult only shows and movies are absolute ass due to being too dark so he watches pg ones only including pre-schooler ones(Bluey is his favorite obviously)and he has no shame in it since he's not a freak about it

She listens to obscure podcasts and rambles about them and she's a part time artist thanks to her and Rachel being queerplatonic besties but she dosen't do grand materpieces and just draws weird shit and same for crafts

Her favorite musicians are nostalgic ex-weirdkid ones like My Chemical Romance and All Time Low and The Cheetah Girls and then it's shit like Everybody's Worried about Owen and The Cure and Meet Me @ The Altar and Metallica and a bunch of transfem artists and general genres they love are Lo-Fi Beats,Breakcore and Punk Rock

Her special interests are blue,video games,kidcore,cats and anarchy.Blue is not Percy's lifestyle but Percy's way of life,she plays only free games and uses an emulator for the rest,kidcore is a huge coping mechanism from her extremely brutal childhood,she employs a lot cat based things in their daily life and even naturally acts like a cat sometimes including a meowing vocal stim and she goes full force in Tales of Dead Seas,a Hoo one year later sequel that's about Percy dismantleing the greco-roman mythos world system starting with killing Zeus and things go up hill for everybody who's not a dickbag from there and this includes Percy gaining new powers even pre-deicide but actually having mentors this time and she actively helps out with activism in addition to all her direct action across all 5 books of her last official story

The only sea related things they love are because Sally does so she raised them in them all the time and they've got mixed feelings on them post claiming because of how awful Poseidon is but they very slowly reclaim it for themselves and the process is given big boost when their egg cracks as they use mermaid/seapunk aesthetics for presentation and their personality a little too and it gives them gender euphoria

They refuse to drink energy drinks that aren't blue colored so they have a whole stash of them and junk food too with a threatning note attached to it,their go to store is unironically Claire's and they made sure to beat the Hot Topic allegations by loud and proud announcing how much they hate them for being sellouts and fakeout freaks and they're neither a skater boy nor a surfer dude because ewww but a guitarist and a multitask helper at the Familia Jackson Beach Shack

He's also Nico and Hazel's eldest sibling figure and pseudo-dad that got them away from Hades forever and Sally legally adopted them so they all live together in the mortal world and stick together as a trio too in the mythos world.He's their caregiver but also their best friend and radicalized them and taught them how to be punks,Nico choosing tradgoth and Hazel pastel goth.Their relathionship is extremely intimate and equally silly but that dosen't mean they never had problems to unpack and fix-Siblings aren't perfect but real siblings are the ones who try to be anyway and don't expect eternal forgiveness regardless.That's what makes us siblings,not JUST blood

And they healed his inner child a lot just by hanging out with him and loving him and letting him take full responsibility in their best friendship and on the other end there's nobody who's helped Nico and Hazel heal and be stronger and be themselves like Percy has.They're eachother's whole world and multiverse and rubbed off on eachother significantly(Nico and Percy's love for video games,Percy and Hazel's artistry,Hazel and Nico's taste in food,all three of their love for kiddy things)and Percy helps Hazel with girls

He was Warrior Cats kid and gets back into it as an adult and loves it even more and yes,he roleplayed it his classmates during recess yet they pretended they hadn't and mocked and animalized him for years because how long his hyperfixation it is lasted and that's why he gave it up in his teenage years but returned to it and reclaimed the catlike behavior it gave him as autistic swag

Percy's five love languages:Humor,comfort,justice,unrestrained fun and diy'd gifts.All giving and recieving and none strictly platonic or romantic,Love is stored in the Percy

She knows how to diy so many things it's a running gag and includes things that don't exist,her biggest comfort characters are:Cookie Monster,Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy(she's a huge Flutterdash stan so she refuses to seperate them),Brandy's Cinderella,Shego,Cookie Nessa and Marina from Nintendo,Yang Xiao Long,Katara,Sonic The Hedgehog,Amy Rose and the Adventure Time Cast as a whole and her type is other autistic afrolatinos/afrolatinas who're pastel punk to her crustpunk

He (jokingly) kins Hobbie Brown and Gwen Stacy and looks like she could be Hobie's older brother

She acts and talks in ways people find offputting and strange but by now she's learned to stop being ashamed and happily embraced that she'll never be normal but that that dosen't mean she's not loved dearly and by so many people and realized that's what she truly wanted from the start instead of not being different from everyone else.Because she's the most awesome as all fuck person ever

RIZZ CITYYYYYYYYYY,HE'S FROM MANSHATTAN

#percy jackson #perseo jackson #black percy #latino percy #transfem percy jackson #bigender percy jackson #autistic percy jackson #punk!percy #team parent percy jackson #nico di angelo #hazel levesque #black nico di angelo #lesbian hazel levesque #trans nico di angelo #gamer nico #autistic nico di angelo #goth punk nico di angelo #pastel goth punk hazel levesque #trans hazel levesque #autistic hazel levesque #pjo #hoo #tods #the anomalies #the loser trio #group:it's in my nature to love you #perlex #x black!reader #💌 #summerposting

[bullet-prooflove]

Wherever You Go: Michael 'Riz' Ariza x Reader

Tagging: @anime-weeb-4-life, @danzer8705 @mysoulisasunflower @vannabanana1995 @im-just-a-mississippi-girl @sxmmarie @camelia35 @queeniesdiary @briefpersonenemy @creativitybeware @genius2050 @buddinglinguist @mortal--soul 

It’s entirely by chance that Riz spots the fiddle in one of the pawn shops him and Creeper are investigating. It’s on the outskirts of Santo Padre, near EZ’s girl’s bar and the perfect place for someone to fence some stolen merch. The entire MC is running around the county, chasing down leads in an attempt to find out who broke into Hank’s mother’s house and stole her jewellery. It’s not worth much Hank tells them, but there’s a sentimentality attached to some of the pieces.

It killed Riz to see how shaken Mrs Loza looked in the aftermath of the burglary, seated at her kitchen table with her hands wrapped around a mug that proclaims she’s the world’s best mom. Hank’s hands enclosed over hers, Taza speaking to her in reassuring tones. Gilly had already boarded up the window where the intruder broke in, Bishop had been on the phone snarling at the glass company, demanding they fix it ASAP. Coco was in the lounge with Angel trying to straighten up the place because the asshole that did it had left a fucking mess. Riz could hear EZ outside sweeping up the glass that had fallen onto the garden path.

Each of them had a fondness for Mrs Loza. When one of them is sick or injured, she’s the one cooking up a storm to make sure they’re eating good, home cooked food to bolster their recovery. If there’s someone in need, she’s activating her phone tree to get them the resources that they require. She’s active in the local area, a trustee at the community centre where she was playing bingo the night the burglary happened. Riz is thankful for that because it could have gone a lot worse if she had been home.

The best he can do is try to track down the asshole who did it and get back what he can. Him and Creeper have a few connections in the area, between the two of them he reckons they can scare the shit out of the fences that aren’t as forthcoming as others.

Hedgewick’s place is a bust but he comes out with the fiddle case clasped in his hand as Creeper waits in the van, his sunglasses on and his fingertips tapping out the rhythm of the music he’s listening to on the side panel.

You’ve been taking fiddle lessons for a while now, longer than Riz has known you. It was only a couple of nights ago, the two of you were in his living room, him strumming away on his guitar while you studied a piece of music. He remembers how weird it looked at first to see you close your eyes and mimic the melody on an invisible instrument. He gets it though when you explain it. You can visualise the sounds, the plucking of the strings, the softness of the wood. You have an affinity for it, the teacher has told you. A natural gift and to you it feels like spending time with an old friend. You pour a piece of your soul into the music and hear it sing. He’d almost be jealous of that connectivity if you didn’t play so beautifully.

When he sees the fiddle in Hedgewick’s he can’t resist. You're barely making ends meet as it is, between your hours at the record shop, the lessons you teach in guitar and piano and then the gigs you do in the evenings you just about break even. Happiness doesn’t come from money you tell him, when you’re discussing it one night, it comes from feeding the soul. That’s what he thinks about when he buys the instrument.

“You adding a new string to your bow, pretty boy?” Creeper teases when Riz gets in the van and sets the fiddle case down in the footwell.

“Nah, it’s for my girl.” Riz tells him as he busies himself with the seatbelt.

There’s a moment of silence between them because this is the first time that Riz has mentioned he has a girl, although Creeper’s suspected for a while. He’s noticed the changes in behaviour, he’s not at the clubhouse as much and when he is, he’s more interested in playing pool or cards than the scantily clad women who try to make themselves available to him. Riz has always been a ladies man, they flock to him. Creeper has always thought it was something to do with the hair but lately he doesn’t recall seeing a girl on his knee, even at Vicki’s.

“Must be something special if you’re giving up all the extra pussy.” Creeper says as he removes the handbrake. “You in love or something?”

Riz puts his elbow on the window ledge of the passenger side, his hand coming to rest near his mouth as he stares out of the windshield ahead of them.

“Yea.” He tells Creeper. “It was love at first sight.”

--------------------------------------------------------------------

It’s later than you intended when you get to Riz’s that night. One of the kids you tutor needed some extra help for a recital they had coming up, so you had extended the session in help them build some confidence in the song they were undertaking. It’s a beautiful, complex piece with some intricate finger work but you have no doubt in your mind that Jana is up to the task.

You’re working on your plan for the next lesson with her at Riz’s kitchen table, when he disappears into the bedroom and returns with the fiddle. He sets the gift down on the table in front of you. The case is a little battered, well loved is how you think of it. You run your hands over the top as your thumbs stray to the latches.

“Can I?” You ask him, tilting your head up towards him.

“It’s yours.” He tells you and you feel the air rush out of the room as a well of emotion builds in your chest. You don’t speak when you flick open the clasps to take a look at the instrument. The truth is you can’t. You’re overwhelmed by his thoughtfulness, nobody has ever gifted you with something so precious. Your fingertips trace over the curve of the wood, it’s rose wood, a shiny darkwood that gleams in the warm glow from the light above. Your breath catches in your chest because the instrument is stunning and already you feel that thrum of connection.

“Is it ok?” he asks you.

You can hear the anxiety in his voice, the unsureity and it makes you fall in love with him even more.

“It’s wonderful.” You tell him before snatching your fingers away and meeting his gaze. “Riz, it’s too much…”

He shakes his head.

“Riz…”

He crouches down alongside of your chair, his knees hitting the floor as he takes your hand in his and looks into your eyes. There’s an earnestness in them as he leans in close. The scent of bergamot and leather clings to his skin as he brings your palm up to rest upon the space where his heart resides. You can feel it beating underneath your fingertips.

“It’s a gift.” He tells you. “An investment in you and your music. I believe in you Songbird, and I believe you are going to make some beautiful music with this.”

“How can I ever repay you?” You ask him as your fingertips chase along the line of his jaw, smoothing over the stubble of his cheek.

“Play me a song.” He requests. “That’s all I ask.”

“That’s hardly a fair exchange.” You try to reason.

“Trust me it is.” He whispers, his lips brushing over yours chastely.

He’s heard you play before, through the open window of your teacher’s house while he’s waited for you outside. It’s been a while since he’s picked you up from there. He knows you prefer bluegrass to classics.

When he sits at that kitchen table, a cigarette between his fingers as he watches you tune the fiddle by ear, he thinks this is perfect. He’s never allowed himself to envision a future, not with any of the women that have crossed his path but with you it’s the only thing he thinks about. He watches as you stand in his house, in a blue sundress with pretty white flowers stitched into it and no shoes on. You close your eyes when you play, he knows your picturing the notes, seeing them in a transition of colours, your hips begin to sway just a little as you pick up the tune and you part your lips to sing.

'Cause you taught me a lesson the hard way one time

Told me you loved me, but then changed your mind

I never told no one how I hurt down inside until now

He recognises the song, it’s Alison Krauss, Sleep On, he thinks.

It’s heart wrenching, it steals away his breath and twists him up deep inside. It makes him so fucking emotional, his eyes start to sting. There’s a beauty in the agony, he knows you feel it too, it’s in your expression, in the movement of your body. Some musicians, they channel the entity of a song, they capture it’s soul and bring it to life. They feel the whole fucking thing, he thinks that’s what you do when you have a fiddle in your hands, when you chase a melody, when you sing a song. It’s a form of magic he thinks, to be able to reach out and touch your audience with the sound of your voice.

You’re destined to go places, he realises as he sits and listens to you play, and he hopes that wherever you go you’ll take him along for the ride.

Love Riz? Don’t miss any of his stories by joining the taglist here.

Like My Work? - Why Not Buy Me A Coffee

#michael riz ariza x you #michael riz ariza x reader #michael riz ariza #michael ariza x reader #michael ariza #riz mayans #riz x reader #riz x you #riz ariza

[original-character-championship]

REAL NULL PROPAGANDA HOURS!!

(submitting this now so i don’t forget when the polls are posted lol)

you might be thinking. who is this chump? and why should i vote for them?

well.

this weird lizard is NULL and they are the blorbo from my brain!!!

Some random facts abut the beast:

1. Null used to be ½ of a god (kinda). They were created when a mage tore one of the universe’s founding deities in half due to a misunderstanding (long story). Both halves of this god-soul congealed into a physical form, with one half becoming Null (and the other half becoming Null’s evil twin sibling Nil).

2. Null is made out of rock. No, seriously. When Null was first formed, they were more energy than physical matter. They wandered into a cave and just went to TOWN eating rocks and incorporating it into their body. so null is entirely rock and mineral based and is kept alive entirely by freaky otherworldly “magic” (once again, long story).

3. considering Null was formed from the corrupted deity of death and destruction, Null was SUPPOSED to hunt down their counterpart Nil, kill them before Nil manages to kill Null, and be reformed as the true destruction god once again. instead, Null sat in a cave for like, 100 thousand years longer than they were supposed to.

4. Everyone wants Null to be the protagonist soooo bad but Null would much rather go back to their cave and take a nap. They only left the cave because the mountain they lived under Completely Collapsed on top of them.

5. Instead of doing what they were SUPPOSED to do (kill Nil), Null spent their time wandering with their new friends and having a fun adventure learning about the big huge above-ground world while aforementioned friends are DESPERATELY trying to lead Nil and their posse on a wild goose chase and stalling them as long as possible because, unlike Null, Nil IS actively trying to hunt down and murder Null. Null is aware of this, they just don’t care.

6. At various points, Null becomes: a semi-famous sculptor, a baker, a folk legend, a criminal, an archivist, an archaeologist, a geologist, an unlicensed therapist, and a temple statue (….long story.)

7. Cares WAY more about doing whatever the hell they want instead of following fate or expectations or anything.

8. Specifically USED to be ½ a god and not CURRENTLY ½ a god specifically because of how souls work in the universe. Null (and their counterpart Nil) both start out as literally just. half of the destruction god’s soul. but after going through Character Development Null got their Very Own shiny brand-new soul. so when Nil eventually confronts Null and dies (badly) in the process, the god-part of their souls reform into the destruction god, but Null is still fine! Kind of. They did get turned into a rock for a while. But it’s fine! They got better!

9. Null’s favorite food is limestone. Null’s second favorite food is mango.

10. Null exists in a plane of existence known as the Mortal Coil (which i talk about in depth on my oc lore sideblog @mortalllycoiled if you’re at all interested in the Lore). There are a Lot of guys involved. here’s a simplified relationship chart as a reference for the scale so far!

11. Null is my special little guy and I am simply happy that you have observed him for a little bit. I designed this creature back in 2017 and I still love them so much its unreal. Here’s some random old art to look at!

^ the OLDEST art of Null, from 2017! this is one of my oldest digital art pieces ive done. i think we’ve both come a long way c:

anyways, thank you for observing my specialist guy Null! so go ahead and vote for them (or don’t; i’m writing this post before i know who he’ll be going up against so like. idk follow your heart <3 )

#submission #propaganda #94 Null

[foodandfolklore]

Loblaws Boycott. How to get affordable food?

Today is May 1st; which means it is the start of the Loblaws Boycott across Canada. For those unfamiliar with the situation, food prices in Canada have been climbing to astronomical sums. Our main chain Grocery Stores keep increasing prices beyond what is normal inflation. Because they know as Mortals, we need to eat. And the further north you go, the worse it gets. They have already been caught artificially raising Bread prices a few years back, and blaming the price hike on the War in Ukraine. They set a price, We pay for it, and then they keep the price cause clearly people are willing to pay /s

So a boycott has been organized by people of Canada through social media and has even been talked about by TV News Outlets. The idea being to speak with your wallet and pressure change. The problem for many, however, is...Loblaws is just so massive, they don't see other alternatives. They own No Frills, Great Canadian Superstore, Shoppers Drugmart, and a ton more. For many Canadians, it seems like Loblaws is their only option in their area.

So I want to provide a list of some options for people to still get fed. Or even if you don't want to engage in the boycott, you just wanna find affordable food.

Costco and Walmart If a friend of family member has a Costco Membership and is willing to take you with them, do it. The workers there don't police who has the membership, so long as someone has one. You can bulk buy a bunch of staples like Meat, Cheese, Toilet Paper and Coffee for much cheaper in the long run. However, Buying in bulk is not always feasible for everyone. They either don't have the space or they can't afford to drop a few hundred dollars on a single shop. Walmart is a controversial suggestion because they have some....history. And your values may require you to not shop at Walmart. But if you need some accessible groceries for reasonable prices, Walmart actually has a very good selection.

2) International/Local Stores This is not really an option if you live more rural. But if you can find a nearby Asian Grocer or Halal Store you can get a lot of stuff. And not just rice. Legumes, Beans, Meat, Seafood; you'd be surprised how much you can get. You may also find a gem of a bakery or butcher.

3) Farmers Markets It's getting to growing season in Canada. Be Sure to check your near by Farmers Markets. You'll mostly find Fruits and Veggies, but may also be some local honey and eggs if you're lucky. This is also a great option for people who feel eating Organic food is important.

4) Food Waste Apps There is a surprising amount of apps dedicated to preventing food waste by selling you food that is about to be thrown away. The food is still good, and the reason for Discarding varies, but commonly it's because it's approaching it's best before date or Expiration date. Food can still be consumed after it's best before date, so long as it's not spoilt. Different areas will have different Levels of Activity on Different apps. A store needs to opt in before you can buy anything. So check out a few different ones. Flash Foods, Food Hero, and Too Good to Go are popular.

5) Ugly Food Boxes A lot of food gets chucked cause it doesn't conform to our expectation of how that food should look. It grew in a weird way and despite being totally fine to eat; Stores don't want to sell them. So you can get Subscription Boxes of Ugly Produce. Which I think is kinda fun. I remember being younger and my mom pointing out the funny shaped peppers. This isn't entirely a new concept, and many people would of probably heard of Imperfect Foods. However, this is a USA only service; useless to us Canadians. But we can try Odd Bunch or Eat Impact. The bonus with this is it's delivered directly to you. Great for people like myself who can't Drive but love to cook.

6) Meal Kits You see it all the time on Youtube: Try Hello Fresh and get so many meals free, yada yada. Well....it might be worth a try. You can cancel these kits at any time, and them hop back on them later. Like a streaming service. A friend of mine apparently does this. Ordering a box when the value of what they're offering is worth the price to her. Not a great option if you tend to forget to cancel subscriptions *cough* (Hi) but it can be a really smart way to get exactly what you want for a good price. Plus if you use a sponsor code, or a coupon in the mail.... Hello Fresh and Make Good Food are the two more well known meal kits available in Canada.

#Loblaws #Boycott #eat cheap #cheap food #Food and Folklore #budget meals #eating on a Budget #save money #Canada #May

[bullshit-in-disguised]

Some more food for thoughts because the last HC was angsty and I'm feeling it. (I'm incredibly proud for that 'Taming the Dragon' line if you can't tell)

I wonder if Cade ever tried holoforms? (He knows about it since he kinda... Fucked Holoform!Optimus according to your story lmao)(which, yes!! Feeding my 'Optimus is actually the bottom in the relationship' credence) He probably misses the things he could've been doing as a human, even the little things like drinking bud lights. But I think he misses the more important moments too. Like, Tessa's graduation ceremony. Maybe he asks for Opt's help, because he's the one who actually knows how to turn on their holoform. Cade just REALLY wants to be there for those moments because it's a once-in-a-lifetime thing (and trying to be there as a Transformer dad is just gonna cause havoc + Tessa getting weird looks)(like, holy shit! That's your dad, Tess!?) And yeah, he embarasses Tessa constantly but not in the moments where it matters.

And Opt does agree to help, because Opt loves Tessa like she's his daughter as well. So maybe they BOTH go there as two proud completely human dads watching their daughter on the stand (which one do you think screams the loudest when Tess' name got called?).

But also, the angst potential of Cade learning how to holoform. Because hearing that his human-self died is quite traumatizing, and when Cade is alone, he just turns on his holoform because he's trying to recreate how he used to be (being a transformer was not something on his to-do list). And he just spends a very long time alone being by himself, being 'human' again. He doesn't tell this to Opt because he knows how happy Opt had been when Cade's mortality wasn't an issue in their relationship, so he just keeps it to himself. Maybe Opt knows eventually, but waits for Cade to speak about it first.

Yeah, I was feeling angsty writing this lol.

HEWWWWOOOOOO!?

ANON YOUR FUCKING GOD BRAIN-

LET ME TELL YA-

Yeah turns out that being a parent transformer is actually hard when your trying to be there for your human daughter. idea of Cade wanting to have a holoform is such brain blast thing I love it.

Also having Cade trying to still be a parent while being a transformer is hilarious and chaotic like because of how big he is. He tries to go to Tessa’s place to return some of her stuff she left at Diego Garcia when she visited him and the fact he wanted to check on her. You know that one scene from Transformers (2007) movie where the autobots where at Sam’s house because they were getting impatient because Sam’s taking so long to get the glasses. As they are trying to hide around the house from Sam’s parents? It’s like that but with Tessa desperately hiding her Robo Dragon dad from her roommates while scolding his ass for this. Yeah it’s nice for him to visit BUT AT THE WRONG FUCKING TIME. Sunstreaker had to help out Cade to depart from the campus before people notice him.

Honestly Yeah!! Cade would ask Opt how to activate his Holoform to be there for Tessa. But it turns out that activating Holoforms are a bitch to do when your a beastformer and have limited knowledge of Cybertronian biology (Cause while Cade is the Autobot’s medic he’s not where near Ratchet’s level. most of the time he’s pretty much self taught and has the knowledge of what the Bots taught him). It’s was nothing but trial and Error to get the Holoform right and making it look human. Finally after a long time of bullshit and hiccups Cade was able to get the hang of his Holoform without glitching out and right on time around Tessa’s graduation. Honestly he kept his Holoform project a secret from Tessa to surprise her.

YOU FOOL YOU THOUGHT THAT CADE AND OP WOULD BE THE ONLY ONES ON TESSA’S GRADUATION?! BEE, CROSSHAIRS, DRIFT, HOUND, SUNSTREAKER, IZZY AND SQWEEKS ARE THERE TOO!!!

All of them (Except Sqweek who still needs growing to do and Izzy is a human) are in their Holoforms. They were at Tessa’s graduation cheering her on. And let me tell ya the moment Tessa saw her dad in the ceremony in his Holoform in the crowd with the rest of the family cheering her and crying to see his little girl grow up was an emotional roller coaster. The moment that Tessa was called, CADE WAS THE LOUDEST OF THE CROWD LOSING HIS SHIT WITH PURE JOY AND EXCITEMENT AS HIS HOLOFORM ALMOST GLITCHED OUT OF EXISTENCE BECAUSE OF HOW EMOTIONAL HE WAS. HE WAS CRYING TEARS OF JOY.

Crosshair, Bee and Hound were also loud as hell when Tessa was called too. While Optimus has a pretty big smile on his face to see Tessa has achieved her award and diploma. While making sure that his emotionally excited sparkmate’s Holoform doesn’t blip out from existence. Sunstreaker and Izzy are just having a blast while Sqweeks and Drift are happy for them.

After the ceremony was over Tessa rushed towards Cade as fast as she could to give him the biggest hug that she could give him. They two of them hugged eachother that Cade almost suffocated Tessa out from how proud and happy he is to be at this moment. As Cade can embrace his own daughter again without getting awkward. There were tears, laughter and happiness. Cade tells Tessa how her mother would be proud of her and stuff. And then the whole family joined in the hug it’s was wholesome as fuck. Also they partied at newly repaired Yeager property as Cogman was preparing the feast while Vivian and hot rod do the decorations and it was a FUCKING RAVE THERE. To say the least this moment is something that Cade will never forget for all eternity.

As for that Angst part my god

Honestly I love the idea of Cade trying to replicate the feeling of being human again with his Holoform. But the thing is it feels fake…like he tried to taste bub lights but…the feeling is not there…it feels fabricated like it’s fake…he looks at himself in the mirror and the only thing that stares him back was his reflection but instead being his holoform’s it’s his cybertronian form looking back at him. Reminding him that despite the Holoform he’s not Human anymore. He’s not flesh and blood anymore. Desperately trying to recreate those human feelings but fails. He tries and tries to feel the pain in his Holoform but dammit it feels nothing and Hollow. It’s going to be another adjustment period for him but he modifies his Holoform to recreate those human parts again but deep down he know that this…isn’t his real body anymore. His human body is dead, gone never coming back….but hey he can at least enjoy driking bud lights and doing basic stuff again without the Size difference….losing human mortality is terrifying to him.

Opt would find out about this and waits for the day for cade to talk about it. Until then he waits for that day to come

#maccadam #bayverse au #transformers #transformers au #cade yeager #bayverse #requiemverse #optimus prime #yeager program #CW self harm #anon ask #ask

[duhragonball]

Dragon Ball Super 006

This one is kinda sorta good.  Thanks, Vegeta.

So Beerus has gone to Earth, which... looks like our Earth now?  I mean, Dragon World Earth had a very different geography, so I know this seems like a nitpick, but it’s also a pretty major gaffe, depending on your point of view. 

He sneaks up on Vegeta and screws with him for no apparent reason.  So we’re pretty far afield of the movie at this point.  I mean, it follows the same basic plot structure, but the circumstances are different.  In the movie, Beerus approaches Vegeta directly, and asks about the Super Saiyan God straightaway, and with respect, albeit with the respect a mortal deserves from a god. 

Here, though, Beerus is a real asshole for some reason, and when Vegeta finally spots him, Beerus paralyzes him with some weird power he never used before.  Then Vegeta recognizes him...

... Because he remembers Beerus using the same power against him decades ago, when Beerus visited Planet Vegeta.  The flashback to King Vegeta was in the movie, but this episode expands on it by showing why Beerus was displeased with him. Beerus tasked King Vegeta with finding the universe’s most comfortable pillow, which King Vegeta accomplished, albeit later than expected.  That doesn’t bother Beerus, nor the wholesale slaughter King Vegeta committed to achieve the mission.  No, what irritated Beerus was how King Vegeta tried to trick Beerus by keeping the pillow for himself, while giving Beerus the universe’s second most comfortable pillow.

Also, in this version, young Prince Vegeta tries to attack Beerus, but he gets immobilized by Beerus’ new paralysis beam or whatever. 

Otherwise, things mostly play out the same way, except we’re on a boat and when Bulma invites Beerus to her party, there’s different activities.  Krillin brings out a game of “takoyaki roulette.”  Everyone takes turns eating takoyaki balls, but one of them is full of wasabi.  The game is kind of pointless for Beerus and Whis, since they aren’t familiar with the food, but they enjoy the takoyaki anyway, much to Vegeta’s relief.

Later, Goten and Trunks are playing with water guns, and accidentally spray Beerus, so Vegeta distracts him by diving into the ocean, Gallick Gunning a huge octopus, and making takoyaki balls in one of the food booths.  So this is basically the DBS version of the Videl-getting-shot/Vegeta-Bingo-dance part of the movie.

But the pudding part pretty much plays out as before.  I will say that they did make some nice choices with this scene.

Buu vs. Beerus was one of those things that could have been expanded a little in the movie, so it’s not as objectionable when DBS does it here.  Their confrontation is just as one-sided, but it last a little longer and the camera angles are a little cooler. 

Also, as Beerus beats up Buu, he repeats the same speech he gave to King Vegeta in the flashback, since Buu’s offense was basically the same.  Beerus is quite tolerant of mortal shortcomings to a certain point, but when they fail to respect him, either by switching pillows or licking pudding out of spite, that’s when he flips his shit.  So it ties in nicely with the start of the episode. 

Of course, the only problem I have with that is that Beerus spared King Vegeta all those years ago.  He ordered Frieza to destroy Planet Vegeta in his place, but that implies some semblance of clemency, since he was literally standing on Planet Vegeta but didn’t destroy it at the moment.  And yet, this episode wants us to think Beerus is guaranteed to destroy the Earth today.  It’s a little wonky. 

Mostly, though, I respect this episode for trying to do something with the source material, rather than just repeat it at a slower pace and with uglier visuals. 

#dragon ball #dragon ball super #2023dbapocryphaliveblog #beerus #vegeta #majin buu #whis #king vegeta #i'm not tagging the rest #every time i see a crowd of characters with ox king and that stupid tie of his #my eyes glaze over

[awkwardgtace]

How are Rhys and Vincent as friends and eventually a couple? They both seem to have a mutual understanding of the weight their powers have and being treated as different (Rhys with his mood eyes and Vincent as a person with powers). So would they be the couple that seems to be able to understand each other easier, PDA freaks, quietly basking in each other's presence, etc?

Ok so this got long and we're gonna readmore. I have no control of myself soooo I also worked on this for a while. We won't discuss that I ran hard ff14 content while writing a chunk of this

So first I'll use your ask to say Rhys's bond threads work differently than a mortal's. His show what fate sees the relationship ends as. It colors his perception, but he was more curious about a mortal like Delphia first than in love. His feelings changed much faster than Vincent's.

Now for how they act as friends it's kind of weird. Rhys goes from curiousity to romantic interest quickly. Vincent stays angry and distrustful for years. By the time Vincent has seen them as friends Rhys is in love. He tries to learn all he can about Vincent. Asking about adventures, interests, hobbies, anything he can think of. It's incredibly awkward since Rhys doesn't know exactly what most things are and Vincent spent most of his life locked away or hiding.

Vincent changes his actions towards others not Rhys once he sees the two as friends. While with the god he'll often feign anger or annoyance. He kind of trusts Rhys so he let's a lot more go as time goes on, even the massive fingers touching him now and then. Away from Rhys he's more obvious. He'll snap at others who speak badly about the gods especially the god of love. He'll offer more information when Rhys starts asking questions too. Mention things Delphia made him try, foods he likes, and even just stay outside of the house while Rhys is visiting. At this point Rhys starts being more active in approaching Vincent. When the human's alone in a field or forest Rhys will show up to check on him. He gets a bit more active in stopping anything that could hurt Vincent too, but tries to keep it subtle. A broken rope that was fine minutes before, unexplained ground shaking, a loud sound distracting others. Vincent likes this more than he wants to admit and it pushes his feelings from platonic towards romantic.

Once Vincent starts to be interested in the god more than finding him cute he starts complaining rather than snapping at Rhys. Mostly calling Rhys oblivious or a doting jerk. He also makes direct choices to kill time in areas the god can show up. He'll find reasons to camp outside rather than sleep in a town or one of the houses littered around the world. Rhys can't stop himself from smiling when it starts. He ignores their bond color and waits for Vincent to speak up. He is never far from his soon to be partner once this behavior starts. He wants to be close even if Vincent doesn't seek him out. Just making sure the person he loves is safe. His interference gets a bit more obvious too. Vincent has disappeared in a cloud of giant pink petals more than once.

Once they're actually together in a relationship they have startlingly different attitudes towards actual actions and displays of affections.

Rhys is big on PDA. He wants Vincent close and for the world to know he loves him. He almost always has his fingers touching Vincent if he can't hold him. Most of the time the mortal will be found in Rhys's hand, a pocket, or on his shoulders. It's most common to be the shoulder and hidden under Rhys's hair so the other gods don't see him. It's not uncommon to find Vincent jumping or glaring at the sky when he's out in the mortal realm because Rhys decided to sneak a kiss or something. When Vincent is in the god realm he'll be scooped up for a kiss or just a hug often.

Vincent prefers to just be close to Rhys. He doesn't love the idea of the attention Rhys's affection can cause. Although he doesn't exactly hate it. When the other gods are around to see it he complains, but if he actually wanted it to stop it would. He likes the times he and Rhys are together without other people. He just doesn't like to be around a lot of people after the way his life was.

Rhys is also guilty of large displays of affection which Vincent doesn't love. It took only communicating to the god of love through Delphia to keep some weird godly display from being shown all over. Rhys wants the world to know the mortal who captured the god of love's heart. He also hopes it would make things easier when he can't be there as Vincent travels. Vincent gets a lot of giant flowers, new clothes (his size), fancy foods, and tech that may not always exist among mortals brought to where he's staying. If Rhys hasn't chosen to sleep Vincent wakes up to a mountain of things that he could possibly need that day.

Vincent does try to reciprocate the best he can with gifts. He knows Rhys doesn't need things, so he answers in his own actions. Making sure to use something he was left, making up a reason to stay with Rhys for the day, sometimes just saying thank you, telling Rhys he loves him. That last one usually leads to him and Rhys locked in Rhys's room for the day 😏.

They are a kind of silent understanding couple though. Rhys knows when Vincent isn't able to handle his actions. He'll be subdued and give up on the PDA entirely. Vincent on the other hand can just tell when Rhys needs someone to hear him. Vincent has made a point to ignore the eye color changes, there are a few he acknowledges and sometimes for some specific reasons 😏. They also have a habit of sharing a look before revealing their shared opinion on something.

I think I answered this in a bit of a rambly way lol. Hope it actually answers your ask :D

#awkwardanswers #i had to google a smirk emoji cause idk how to do it on desktop #i spent waaayyy too long with this #but i love them #i have thoughts for them a lot but no current plans #more will come eventually #oc:rhys #collaboc:Vincent

[yellowjavkets]

RATING SHARK MOVIES I'VE WATCHED SO FAR

The Shallows-i really liked the protagonist of this one so it was easier to care Abt her being in mortal danger but 1.) sharks are not looking for food when there's a massive fucking carcass lying around 2.) if a shark bites you once it's probably not going to try to do it again 3.) a shark would never. never ever BEACH ITSELF ON A ROCK TO ATTACK A HUMAN 4.) let alone a buoy??? a fucking buoy are you serious bitch. 3/10

47 meters down- RIDICULOUS AND BORING. WHO WOULD EVER MAKE AND PRODUCE A MOVIE THIS LONG WITH NOTHING TO DO. also I stopped caring about the main characters the minute the cage diving people CHUMMED THE OCEAN (WTF. I WOULD HAVE FAKED A STOMACH CRAMP TO GO HOME AND REPORTED THEM IMMEDIATELY) also to my knowledge also do not BITE RUSTY CAGES TO GET TO HUMANS INSIDE. THAT'S WHY CAGE DIVING IS A PERFECTLY SAFE FINE ACTIVITY TO DO. DO NOT GO WITH PEOPLE WHO CHUM THE OCEAN. EVER. THAT IS CONTAMINATION!!!! IT IS AGAINST THE LAW FOR GOOD REASON!!!! MAKE SURE THEY ARE CERTIFIED 1/10

Deep Blue Sea-I LOVE A DUMB ACTION MOVIE. SO MUCH. also they went out of their way to establish sharks don't normally act like this & the only reason these ones are particularly aggressive is because their brains are being unethically genetically modified by this scientist cunt. absolutely adored it. comes highly recommended. only downside is presence of. Christianity??? Catholicism??? weird mix. but really if you do not know what to watch tonight put it on I adore it. 10/10

Jaws- BANE OF MY EXISTENCE AND MY WORST FUCKING ENEMY. -600/10

you must donate at least five dollars to a shark conservation fund before you send me a message about "suspension of disbelief" thanks

#monster growl

[sleidog]

gw2 ask game questions for ya! have 1, 3, 10, and 11 for slei or whoever else you'd like to talk about! :D @kerra-and-company

What's their opinion on the authority figures in Tyria? How closely do they follow the law?

slei is pretty straight forwards with this one; he believes that laws that serve to put someone down for something that they can't help aren't worth abiding by, but laws that protect people who need it from harm are fine! slei's moral code is surprisingly high for being an ex-convict- he refuses to seriously harm or kill, sometimes to his own detriment [there's some degree of wiggle room in here, if someone is trying to kill him with due force, killing them by self defense is fine, BUT if he's attacked by someone else who is defending themselves because he's robbing them, he'll take the beating and not harm them more than possibly knocking them out if his life ends up at risk slei is very firm with this even to his other gang mates, and if any of them went rogue and killed/injured someone who didn't 'deserve' it, they're out

most of slei's criminal activity was stealing food and gold to give to refugees, he isn't a mercenary or a hitman

3. Do they have any crafting professions?

slei is a very competent leatherworker and huntsman; this extends to his IC life as well; though he's more competent with woodworking/survival craft than he is with leatherwork IC. Slei makes his own arrows, belts, quivers and sometimes the bows themselves; though the bows he makes are often made to sell rather than made for him to use.

10. What was the most difficult part of their journey so far?

honestly the realisation of being commander and the week after that and the weight settling on his shoulders. slei became commander just before eir's funeral; take into account that he doesn't know the typical friendly faces that the commander would know through the regular story at this point, he has to awkwardly meet and address them at such a delicate time! but equally it's kinda good, because at this point they're moving away from the pact and forming dragon's watch, something totally new that slei can sort of settle into without having a weird preconcieved idea of what he's meant to be doing other honorable mentions are the typical scenes in PoF; just getting to know all of these new friends and finding them in absolute mortal turmoil and danger and being able to, sometimes, do absolutely nothing about it, worrying all of his friends, etc slei is absolutely NOT commander material, but he's doing his best; he would rather be chilling with his buddies ignoring everything until the heat death of the universe, being present and knowing what's going on/what could happen has been absolutely traumatising to him, unsurprisingly. that said; slei is very much someone who has this innate ability to just... repress things and deal with them later when his mind needs to be in a stable place, which is sometimes to a fault, admittedly 11. What do they do in the time between expacs and living world seasons?

slei is very much a traveller; he has no set home base to go back to, so he just travels around when he isn't needed immediately as the commander; at least providing taimi can contact him if he's needed for something! depending on which story arc, he may also be found living with de, but this is more common after zhaitan and before PoF, after both of those, slei drifts about a lot and doesn't see much of a break

#slei #ocs #worldbuilding #thanks for the ask!

[nonamazing]

Dungeon23 - Week Zero Day 5

So far, I've been brainstorming a lot of large concepts, but I'm not sure how I'm going to get from the big picture down to the specific nuts and bolts of the dungeon itself. Maybe taking a closer look at the conflicts among the setting's demigods will help!

The demigods are much more connected to day-to-day life and culture within the setting. Each is associated strongly with a specific ancestry, which of course infers that specific ancestry exists within the world. So we know we have living constructs (autognomes), snakefolk (yuan-ti), owlfolk (owlin), shadowfolk (shadar-kai), merfolk (tritons), catfolk (tabaxi), and plantfolk (myconid). I'll probably add additional cultures to this world as I move forward, but these seven will do nicely as a starting point.

The autognomes are the newest culture, and their origins remain mysterious. It's known that they appeared around the same time as the catastrophe that damaged the world's weather, but they themselves don't have much more to offer than that. They say they created their god and their god simultaneously created them in a miraculous singularity. They tend to be a bit more isolated than the other cultures, but only because they have very little reason to trade common goods such as food or fresh water. They are semi-nomadic, travelling in weird, ramshackle ships from island to island. Kyran appears to ignore all of the other gods, except for The Verdence, with whom Kyran is trying to forge an alliance.

The yuan-ti are a very old culture, and enthusiastically open to cooperating with other cultures. They enjoy being in physical contact with warm-blooded creatures, and as a consequence are very physically affectionate. Their culture has developed codes of law that have been widely adopted by other cultures as well. Their goddess also gets along well with the other deities, but in a less affectionate, more diplomatic way. Selrithis prefers to keep her emotional distance, but is nevertheless a trusted ally and perhaps the most reliable / predictable of the gods. She treats all of the other gods neutrally, but has deep romantic feelings for Githwyn (which she keeps carefully hidden), and is politely antagonistic toward The Verdence.

Owlin can be found across multiple islands, living in a weird sort of harmony with other cultures simply by virtue of living in parallel to them--being active nocturnally while other cultures are mostly diurnal. their god, Niri, emphasizes the benefits of this separation, but also encourages open trade, which typically happens at dawn and dusk. Niri is perhaps the shyest of the gods, but is very curious about Kyran and hopes to help her people benefit from the autognomes' new alchemical discoveries. She is close with Tal (sometimes depicted as her sibling), respects Selrithis, fears The Verdence, and despises Ricru.

Tal's people, the shadar-kai, are equally comfortable being diurnal or nocturnal (and will shift between sleeping schedules at different points in their lives). They have a very competitive culture, and they prefer to speak mainly in metaphors, considering direct speech to be somewhat uncouth. They appreciate scientific and magical literacy, and frequently work as teachers within mixed communities. Tal himself is friendly to most of the other gods, close with Niri, and despises Ricru. Some myths claim that Ricru is father to Niri and Tal, but the two of them seem to look unfavorably upon such stories. The myconids prefer living underground whenever possible, but are flexible and adaptable. They thrive in the humid conditions of the rainy seasons, but struggle during the winters. Their psychic fungal deity pays no special attention to its people, instead sharing its benefits with all mortals equally. It's generally believed by all cultures that mortalkind would not have the ability to dream if it were not for the Verdence. The Verdence doesn't seem to care about the other dieties, and rarely interacts with them directly. It hasn't seemed to acknowledge Kyran's requests for alliance or Selrithis' unfriendly attitude. However, it does seem to slightly favor families who have chosen to live under the blessing of Yarin, sending them peaceful, hopeful dreams more often than not. Tomorrow: tritons, tabaxi, and more races!

#dungeon23 #rpg #megadungeon #worldbuilding

[randomitemdrop]

If you're still bored, how about d100 rumors?

Table of Rumors

So, what are the villagers whispering around the pub? (Adapt as needed to your setting, and remember that rumors aren’t always true)

An infamous item-shop owner is actually a fraud and has no idea what he’s doing

One of the party members is secretly in service to the Dark Lord

One of the party members is secretly in service to the Merchants’ Guild, ensuring that the party keeps having to buy more stuff

The Dark Lord is secretly in service to the Merchants’ Guild and their entire evil plan is a hoax to stimulate the economy

Mimics in service to the Dark Lord have infiltrated the village

The Dark Lord’s secret weakness is Essence of (consult Table of Flavors & Scents)

The Dark Lord’s secret weakness is getting stabbed with a cheap tin dagger

The Dark Lord’s secret weakness is catgirls

The local forest has been infested with Cascadian Tree-Krakens

The local counting-house has been infested with Modrons

The local fishing-hole has been infested with Dire Crawdads

The local lake is secretly home to a Fey woman that gives out swords proclaiming the wielder to be the true king of the land

The local spring is actually a portal to the Plane of Water, but only when activated correctly

A nearby swamp is home to a wish-granting hag

A nearby swamp is home to a reclusive retired bard, once famous across the land

A nearby swamp is home to Shrek

A nearby swamp is actually a bog

Deep in the forest there grows a patch of herbs that will cure any illness or wound

Deep in the forest there grows a patch of herbs that make anything taste good

Deep in the forest there grows a patch of herbs that double your strength for four hours

Deep in the forest there grows a patch of herbs that will kill anything mortal

Deep in the forest there grows a patch of herbs that will get you zonked off your gourd

At the top of a nearby mountain there is a shrine to a forgotten deity from beyond the stars

At the top of a nearby mountain there is a shrine to a long-dead celebrity musician where Bards can learn special spells

A nearby cave is haunted by the ghosts of a massacred army

A nearby cave is haunted by the ghosts of cavemen

Long ago, fleeing royals hid a magic sword up the chimney of one of the local homes

One of the local merchants/tradespeople is actually a psychic vampire that nourishes itself by providing the worst possible customer service

A local farm has a chicken that will grant wishes if you pet it without letting the owner know

The local pub owner was once a bandit and buried treasure under the floorboards

The town drunk knows where a treasure is hidden but will only explain when sober

The town Prohibition Society president knows where a treasure is hidden but will only explain when drunk

The weird old man that lives outside town dresses up as a monster to frighten people off his property

The weird old man that lives outside town dresses up as a monster and has won awards at furry conventions for his monster suits

The local blacksmith’s hammer is enchanted so that he can strengthen armor just by hitting it

The local butcher will buy exotic meats, no questions asked

The local baker’s buns are enchanted so that it is addictive

The local candlestick-maker uses dwarf-tallow

The local cooper is the Queen’s paramour, which is how he's kept his license despite his barrels being absolute rubbish

The local cobbler is assisted by Elves. Nobody seems to know if that means traditional tiny magical spirits or, like, a band of Drow warriors bound to his service

The local nightsoilman is the true Crown Prince, having switched places with a lookalike after getting the idea from an episode of “Wishbone” and/or “Garfield: a Tail of Two Kitties” and/or any of the three different Barbie CGI adventures based around the idea

The local grave-digger kills people when business is slow

The local pie-maker kills people when business is slow

The local oyster-seller is secretly rich off pearls

The local arkwright (maker of chests) is actually a breeder of Mimics

The local carpetmaker is actually a breeder of Trappers

The local schrimpshonger will pay dearly for strange and exotic teeth, the bigger the better

The local relic-keeper is a fake

The local phrenologist is legit, somehow

The local cheesemonger can tell your fortune from the bite patterns you leave in a rind

The local pardoner has a direct line to the Celestial Bureaucracy

The local doctor is a vampire

The local tobacconist has some primo shit in the back that he only brings out if he knows you’re cool

The local town guard used to be an adventurer like you, then he took an arrow in the knee

The local town’s rival tater-hurling team has magic on their side, so the locals are looking for an edge

The local mayor is secretly a witch

The local mayor is secretly an avatar of the Dark Lord

The local mayor is secretly two Halflings with one sitting on the other’s shoulders, having achieved office through a cavalcade of hilarious hijinks and desperate to maintain the ruse

The Royal Palace’s knights are actually just empty suits of armor animated by dark magic

The Royal Palace’s knights are actually just empty suits of armor filled with bees

The Royal Palace’s knights are actually illusions and the building is actually defenseless

Eating raw pork increases your strength, the tainteder the better

Man door hook hand carriage door

Putting out all the lights and speaking a wizard’s name into a mirror five times will open a portal to wherever they are

Living near windmills causes cancer

Electrical shocks cure rheumatism

Goblin saliva cures acne

The smell of Bonnacon dung cures respiratory illness

Giant blood replenishes vitality and cures hangovers

Powdered Tiefling horns are an aphrodisiac

Dwarves lay golden eggs when enraged

Pulling Elves’ ears is good luck

Stealing an adventurer’s helmet is good luck

It’s good luck to ignore Aasimar, pretending they aren’t there

People with even a little bit of Dragon blood in their veins are incapable of lying

Feeding a Halfling is bad luck

Druids are aggressive assholes that try to convince everyone else to become Druids

Orcs are disguised humans

Mind-flayers can actually survive on totally normal food and drink, and they’re just flaying minds to be jerks

People with red hair are werewolves

Kicking a Cleric of a deity besides the one you follow in the butt cures curses

Flossing with the hair from a wizard’s beard cures toothache and gum disease

Church wine can be used to remove any stain

The Chosen One has arisen and can be recognized by (insert trait held by party member)

The Chosen One has arisen and can be recognized by being invulnerable to blades

The Chosen One has arisen and a cutting from their hair is proof against the Plague

Many adventurers are actually thought-constructs without free will, controlled by the whims of giant deities living on a higher plane rolling dice

The Royal Palace is trying to hide from the populace that the world is actually round/flat/cylindrical/toroidal/&c.

The Plague vaccines being provided by the Royal Palace secretly contain Potion of Enfeeble Mind to allow them to control the populace more securely

The local ruins were constructed by Extraplanars (note: if this is already true in your setting, instead the rumor is that the Extraplanars are a hoax by the Royal Palace)

Certain unusual clouds are the product of the Alchemists’ Guild trying to control the weather

The gladiator matches are fixed

A famous bard died years ago and was replaced by a look-alike

A famous bard is hypnotizing people with their music

Zalgo is coming

The world is going to end next year

A major chain of food stalls actually uses bio-alchemically-engineered Oozes instead of real meat

The Holy Books have hidden messages that can be decoded by those that know the secret method

The town charter is secretly a treasure map

https://www.snopes.com/random/

#tables #long post