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prettybean · 5 months

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TOXIC BEHAVIOR (COD +18)

* just for fun, don’t take it too seriously 🍌

I DO NOT SUPPORT THIS KIND OF RELATIONSHIP, if you find yourself in these situations, ask for help

If these topics make you uncomfortable, please avoid reading further.

ENGLISH IS NOT MY FIRST LANGUAGE

Ghost

He just can't accept the fact that you ended things with him. It's been three months since the breakup, but Simon has completely lost it, especially when he found out that you're engaged again.

He keeps calling you persistently, and out of habit, you always answer. You hear him say the same old phrases: "I'm better than him" or "Come back to me, you know you can't be happy without me."

Despite the breakup, you've agreed to have sex with him several times. The way he pleases you makes your heart race faster and faster. Deep down, you know it's not fair to your new boyfriend, but when Simon touches you, you forget about everything else.

After years of being together, he knows your body inside out. He knows exactly how to make you moan, and he's not afraid to remind you of that. "I bet you don't scream like that with him." And as he says it, he fucks you like only he can.

"Do I have to kill him to win you back? You know I would." And as he says those words, he takes you to new heights of pleasure.

Soap

He has an unhealthy fixation on exerting control over you. John wants to demonstrate to others just how much you are under his command and how obediently you follow his every instruction.

"I've got something special for you," he informed you, as he fasten a collar around your neck, tightening it to the point where it became difficult to breathe. He didn't care about your discomfort; the tighter the collar, the more possession he felt over you.

"Do you like it, sweetie?" he asked, gazing at his name engraved on the collar, emphasizing how much he had invested in you. "If you ever remove it, it would truly break my heart."

You had no choice but to comply; it was the only option available to you. You kept the collar on, and he took advantage of it more and more, forcing you to go out in public with fewer and fewer clothes, showcasing you as his prized possession.

"No panties today, baby," he forcefully rip them off, leaving you to walk around without them. You belonged solely to him, and you had to face the consequences by fulfilling his every desire.

Price

His protectiveness quickly transformed into possessiveness. He never bothers to inquire about your dating life, your activities, or your whereabouts. Your outings are solely determined by his decisions.

If he doesn't suit your preferences, he might even tie you up to acknowledge his authority.

"Darling, it's all about your safety. I don't want anyone to harm you."

He accompanies you everywhere, and you must remain by his side. When you walk, he clings possessively to your arm. "Stay close to me, sweetheart."

If you attempt to engage in conversation with someone else, he tightens his grip on your waist, glaring at you. "What did I tell you?" he growls before promptly escorting you home.

Nevertheless, you adore his way of expressing love. You have always obeyed his commands because, after all, he is your boyfriend.

Gaz

You never truly loved him and he couldn't accept that fact. For months, he persistently tried to flirt with you, but you rejected him in every possible way. However, he refused to give up.

You couldn't help but notice his strange attempts to manipulate you. Strangely enough, you found yourself enjoying the attention and the way he tried to make you fall for him.

Every day, he would tell you, "You're the reason I'm so miserable, don't you see? It's all because of you." With a disappointed expression, he would repeat this over and over, gazing into your eyes.

He started writing you letters, each one becoming more explicit, expressing how he would pleasure you if only you would accept his love. He even went as far as to say he would eliminate any competition just to have you.

Slowly, you found yourself giving in to the temptation and his relentless manipulations. In the end, he succeeded in making you fall in love with him.

Graves

He's consumed by jealousy, and he doesn't even try to hide it. He repeatedly tells you how jealous he is and how wrong you are in your relationship. "If you could just stop thinking about other people, then maybe we wouldn't fight so much."

He wants to have complete control over your every move, to the point where he even took your phone to read all your messages, from the very first to the very last. If he finds anything he doesn't like, he doesn't hesitate to delete the contact of the person involved. "I'm sick of you and your damn friends."

You want to tell him that he's a psychopath and that he needs to respect your privacy, but you simply can't. He keeps blaming you, saying, "It's because of you that I'm like this."

There have been multiple instances where he's punched walls out of anger or broken your phone to cut off your contact with others.

But in the end, he always comes back to you with open arms, apologizing. And every time, you forgive him.

König

He's been tailing you nonstop. It's been ages since you two called it quits, yet every time you step out, you can't shake off the feeling of being watched.

He's always there, meticulously tracking your every move, whether you're alone or with your friends.

König watches you from a distance, careful not to get too close and blow his cover. He even went as far as snapping some pictures of you, which he proudly displayed on his wall, among others.

He used to keep you company during those long nights, lurking in your backyard, peering through your window just to catch you changing or totally naked.

You were well aware of it, and to make things easier for him, you purposely left the curtains open. König was undeniably creepy, but deep down, you still harbored a hint of affection for him.

Keegan

He’s in love with you. Keegan expresses his love through the most unexpected gestures, but only when you're alone together. When there are other people around, he transforms into the perfect gentleman - kind and flawless. Your friends have even praised you for choosing such a great guy.

But when you return home, everything changes. It's happened multiple times that he's embraced you from behind, gently caressing your hips and leaving a trail of wet kisses along your neck. You tilt your head back, giving him more space, only to feel something cold against your skin.

"The only way I can make you do what I want is by holding a knife to your throat?" he says, his words making you flinch. Every time he threatens you like this, it feels as if it's the first time.

"I know you enjoy provoking me, otherwise you wouldn't do it so often," he claims. You haven't done anything wrong, he just likes making you believe that. He enjoys seeing the fear in your eyes as he grabs your wrists and forces you to your knees.

You beg him to continue, knowing that he doesn't appreciate it when you oppose him. You have no reason to resist. He controls you, able to do whatever he pleases with you, especially when he lets the knife glide across your body.

"Tell me you'd die for me”.

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cemeterything · 4 months

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hi hello! i recall you talking about how you used to have an unhealthy dependence on attention you got from the internet a while ago, and was wondering if you had any tips on how to help with that? i recently found myself sorta relying too much on the affirmation i get from Numbers Going Up and i wanna nip it in the bud before it becomes a Thing. thank you! ^^

i found that the best way to curb the addiction was to wean myself off it bit by bit. start with something small and achievable, like setting a time limit for how long you spend online in one sitting (set a timer to help you if necessary), or setting aside specific free periods in the day when you can check your notifications or whatever, then gradually limit it further until you've reached a point you're comfortable with. you'll find that the more you stick to the goals you've set for yourself, the more it'll start to feel like a reward and substitute for the affirmation you get from number go up (and you'll start to pay more attention to how you spend your limited time and what are the best ways to do so).

place your phone or laptop or whatever device you use for social media out of sight while doing other activities, so that you have to make the conscious effort to seek them out (and thus consider whether you really want to do it) (if i'm trying to concentrate on something, for example, i'll put my phone in a drawer or in my bag/pocket, and make sure i can't hear or see any notification messages). if you feel you can, turn off or temporarily mute your notifications - that works wonders for me.

use the free time you've created for yourself to seek out things you've always wanted to do but never felt like you had the time for. read the book you've been putting off, write something, draw something, get into that crafting hobby, or go for a walk and feed some birds at the pond, go out and challenge yourself to take a photo of something eyecatching to share with your friends, go to a cafe, meet up with a friend, try out that recipe you saved because you thought it sounded nice, look into social groups, events and clubs that cater to your interests/hobbies in your local area - even make use of the time you'd normally spend on social media to do something else online, like wikipedia deep diving, watching a show, or replying to that person you forgot to get back to.

above all, don't beat yourself up along the way. take each day as it comes and each relapse as motivation to keep pushing forwards and make it a little longer between the next one. don't blame yourself for what you can't change (the past) but try to focus on what you can (the future).

#hope this helps!#recognising you need to change something is a great first step so youre on the right path

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punkeropercyjackson · 2 months

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Hot take but Percy Jackson actually isn't anything like Harry Potter and the reason they're popularly compared is due to the mass mischaracterization and misenterpretation that leads to sanatization of Percy to turn him into a more standard protagonist despite the whole point his character being that he's NOT normal while Harry's is that he IS and that made him into a very bland and lowkey passive aggressive bigot that's an awful example for kids while Percy is the perfect role model.Like let's look them over.Percy:

Was born poor and never becomes rich

Is a child abuse victim with consistent trauma responses and unhealthy coping mechanisms all the way starting at The Lightning Thief

Beat up bullies as a kid,was targeted by them to begin with because he's neurodivergent and his teachers picked on him too

Has nothing but love and respect for his fellow minorities,women especially thanks to being a mama's boy with no positive older male figures in his life except Beckendorf

Is pessimistic,sardonic,anger issued,bad at socializing and gets embarrased to be overly open with his emotions but none of this turns him into a bad person but instead makes him realistic and relatable

And he's also kind,gentle,nurturing to the point of basically adopting younger demigods as his found siblings and pseudo-kids if they don't have positive adult figures in their lives already,encouraging,loyal to a literal fatal fault and has a distinctive and iconic sense of humor that never dosen't land

Didn't like Annabeth or Rachel for shallow reasons and instead for their personalities and only wasn't into Reyna because he was taken at the time and treats all three of them very nicely

Is an instigator who's driving point as our hero is taking down corrupted figures but also does activism for the lesser treated people in his world by helping out every time he gets a chance to,has one of his core trait's being that he's COMPLETELY devoid in power hunger and pretty arguably counts as an anarchist because of this

Relating to the sense of humor thing again,his whole PERSONALITY is distinctive-He's not just some fantasy protagonist,he's PERCY JACKSON.The name alone gives everybody who's read the books flashbacks to all his crazy ass shit(affectionate)and that's how you know you've got a well-written protagonist

And Percy is legitimately transfem-coded,because i've met so many trans women in the Pjo fandom and every single one of them without exception have said that she's a femme trans woman egg.This also applies to black/afrolatino folks and autistics in the fandom like me to a less near universal extent

While Harry:

Grew up middle class and then got riches out the ass when the series started

Is a very poor attempt at positive abuse survivor rep because he uses his mental health as an excuse to a huge dick with no consequences given to him afterward

Had no tormenters other than the Dursleys

A 'dosen't know better and refuses to learn' typa bigot with tons of passive aggressive remarks about girls and ableism and fatphobia thrown in too,not to mention racist moments like hating Dean for dating Ginny

Is the quintessential young male fantasy protagonist and this is exactly his problem because it makes him boring asf and we're dealing with so much fucking damage in the kids fantasy genre thanks to his musty ass

All his crushes were shallow(Only liked Cho for a pretty girljock and only noticed Ginny when she became one too and prioritizes looks and society's idea of 'coolness' on the other girls his age too like damn i wonder why he only ever saw Hermione as a sister,surely it can't be connected /s)

Never does actual justice fighting unless he's required to and don't tell me he shouldn't have needed to because this wasn't real life,it was a magics series so he should've fought evil on purpose like Percy did and so did Katniss Everdeen and the Pevensie Siblings and all the other actual good kids books protags.This genre is supposed to be a power fantasy for kids that they can be heroes too and Harry failed big time at his job just like he did at everything else

Again,he is VERY mediocre as a character but mediocrity sells and now we have a million clones of him instead of real mcs

Is part of exactly zero minorities,neither intentionally or accidentally,and that made him grow up to be a cop.Douchebag ass white straight boy Harry vs Autistic afrolatina transfemme slay Percy.No competition,Percy's punk so she'd kill Harry to earn her blue laces

And before Maraturds and Luke/gods stans get bold,you're literally him irl but worse besties♡

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purgemarchlockdown · 5 months

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Mikoto being so heavily associated with the female characters while Kotoko isn't is really intriguing with how he's so heavily sexualized in MeMe and plays into a lot of horror tropes.

The bathtub and the shower scene are common locations in horror, especially for Women. With one of the most iconic horror scenes Ever being the shower scene from Psycho, in which a woman is murdered in the shower.

Not to mention the lyrical pattern of calling back the title of the first MV that all the girls, except for Kotoko, follow. With Mikoto actually calling back to the title of his T1 MV in Double and having it be such an important part of it that they call back to it in the Trial 2 Album. Something originally pointed out by oboetmasuka here and candckirby who also mentions Mikoto's role as the "Final girl" and his consistent pregnancy metaphor with how John is called a newborn.

I think the way Kotoko connects to Masculinity is subtler but just as important, her interrogation question shows she's not attached to it, but she doesn't seem against it or anything.

(Kotoko Interrogations)

T1Q10: What do you think about the word 'feminimity'? A: It's one of the means you can take. It's something you can freely choose depending on the scene, so it's not something to cling onto.

Kotoko doesn't wear anything traditionally feminine but she doesn't lean super masculine either...except.

Okay so, 1moremilgram-enjoyer made this really interesting post about Kotoko's cap you can read here. Basically her cap has the name Jacques Roulet on it's front. Jacques Roulet is the name of a Male Serial Killer who killed two children and claimed to be a werewolf.

This cap appears in her outfit in Harrow:

But also appears in her T2 Design:

Establishing some sort of connection between him and Kotoko.

If we're reading into this Further. John and Kotoko are actually very similar in their want to become someone's "savior" as that's what gives them a sense of purpose.

John's an interesting character in this dynamic. Because if Mikoto is the helpless princess, John is the faithful prince. Coming to save his pitiful damsel whose too weak to protect himself.

(Mikoto T2 VD)

John: It’s true that I was the one who wanted to destroy everything… and the weakness of Boku, who couldn’t stand up for himself all alone, might have been the origin of that. But… that’s all there is to it. Is that a sin?

Mikoto has little to no agency and he Knows This. He doesn't know what's happening, is confused and terrified all the time, and feels like he's on a train with an unknown destination. He feels powerless and like he has no control. While John tries his best to help him, but ultimately harms him, cause John will do what He thinks Mikoto needs without knowing what Mikoto wants. Something he seems regretful for.

Hey, I just wanted to save you So why did it come to this?

However, Kotoko does have some sense of Power and Agency and actively Holds this over others.

From the begin I've never asked for your understanding! My actions, one by one, are bringing earth closer to peace. Useless Weaklings should just shut up and let me protect them!

There's nothing inherently wrong with wanting to present more masculine or feminine. However, there is a problem with enforcing strict and rigid roles onto people, especially if those roles enforce systems of power that allow for the exploitation of groups of people by elevating one group and putting down the other.

Even if the gender roles the two fit in are flipped, it is still playing into unhealthy ideals of gender and society that perpetuate abusive systems of power.

(Utena Scripts)

Voice: Was the ring from the prince meant as an engagement ring? Voice: That part was good, Voice: but because of the strength of her admiration for the prince, Voice: the princess made up her mind to become a prince herself! Voice: But is that really good for her?

(I got it in!)

I think I might have to wait for Deep Cover's MV to release to fully discuss this, but this is really curious to me.

#milgram #kotoko yuzuriha #mikoto kayano #milgram thoughts

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pet-pet-peet · 11 months

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I don’t know if my request got through, I’m sorry in advance if it and I’m wasting your time reading this. I asked for some platonic headcanons for azul, floyd, and malleus where they visit readers school in their world for the event. (Malleus uses magic to hide his horns)

Omg wait this is super cute! The Malleus part gives me vibes to My Inner Demons (Aphmau)

I am trying to go through my drafts and post the ones I had done, this will not be inspired by canon!

Story: They visit your school in your world with you for a week

Tw: cafeteria food slander from personal experience; lmk!

Pairing(s): Azul, Floyd, Malleus x gn reader going to their school (separate) (platonic)

𝕬𝖟𝖚𝖑

He stands out a bit because of his hair, but otherwise everyone sees him normally

For the most part- he does have moments where he’s caught being confused over a piece of history everyone in your world has learned-

Very interested in seeing how different schools in your world function, even if the differences are slight

He’s a little bit thrown off when he learns there’s no magic at all, makes him overly aware of his magic and when he uses it

He likes to talk to your other friends to get dirt on you, just in case he ever needs it

Probably becomes really popular through the time he attends your school

Also picks up the academics really easily, which makes the teachers like him

You have to tell him not to set up his deals in your world- he probably does so anyway, though

Hates your cafeteria’s food, it doesn’t taste how he likes and feels unhealthy, so he convinces you to either bring him food from home or buy him more (but he does it in an Azul way that’ll end up with him not being in your debt, probably makes deals with you to help you with something)

Probably has a lot of fun, learns some things he’s definitely gonna find a way to incorporate into his business practices

𝕱𝖑𝖔𝖞𝖉

He’s very clingy to you, so even if teachers want him to go somewhere else he’ll stay with you or force you to go with him

On the chance he’s not feeling the classes, he’ll ditch them and just wander around and explore the school grounds

He doesn’t usually feel like learning things from your world, doesn’t really see the point in it, so he probably just distracts you while you’re in class together

Stands out immediately, probably one of the tallest guys in your school so everyone notices him immediately in the halls. That on top of his hair and eyes, he becomes very popular very quickly

Drags you around in between periods to show you places he thought were cool hiding spots from teacher (he confirms he used them when you ask)

Even though he’s only there for a week, he gets random love letters everyday and makes you read them to him because he can’t be bothered to focus long enough to do so himself

Doesn’t mind the school food, but probably doesn’t eat much of it anyway cause it’s still not the best

Doodles on all the paperwork he’s given instead of actually filling them out; that said, art is his best subject in your world (Unless you’re also in a music class, then that’s his favorite and best subject)

Probably antagonizes some of the staff because he thinks it's funny, doesn't end too well for you though

Mixed bag, finds it incredibly boring some days, finds it interesting for others

𝕸𝖆𝖑𝖑𝖊𝖚𝖘

He makes sure to stick by the strict rule: he isn't allowed to use magic except to hide his horns and ears

He towers over everyone and quickly becomes notorious for it, if he didn't actively seek you out you'd probably never be able to get through the crowds that always surround him

His high class vibe gets a lot of people's attention, so he gets invited to quite a bit of parties for a change. He's pretty prideful of it, but usually forgets or just doesn't go cause you aren't going

He absorbs your history relatively easily, but will still ask you for more details on the different subjects you learn

Definitely almost forgot to hide his horns one day and you had to panic remind him before he left the apartment

Gets lost when walking around your school sometimes since he's trying to find any sign of gargoyles that may have been removed

Sometimes he just wants to ditch with you, the history of your world is fascinating and all but he wants to see it more instead of just hearing about it

Pretty sensitive when people try to tease his eyes and fangs, but hides it behind snarky remarks and sarcasm

Absolutely refuses to eat food from the cafeteria, also refuses to call it food. You have to bring him lunch or buy it from somewhere better if you want him to eat

Remembers quite a few of the stories he learned, both real and fake, and made sure to recite them to the rest of Diasomnia (he never clarified which were real or not. Have fun explaining to the gang that the Wizard of Oz doesn't exist)

#twisted wonderland #twst #azul ashengrotto #azul ashengrotto x reader #floyd leech #floyd leech x reader #malleus draconia #malleus draconia x reader

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wordsandrobots · 7 months

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I finished IBO recently, and I don't think I fully get why people call Mika and Orga's relationship one of "toxic codependence". That they depend on each other is obvious, but I feel like I'm missing out on why people think their relationship is unhealthy.

(Thank you for giving me a reason to procrastinate on the chapter I have nearly finished but my brain has gone 'nah' over.)

The way I look at it, there are two key levels on which it's unhealthy. These are related but I think it's worth distinguishing them, because one plays into wider problems within Tekkadan, while the other is a deeply personal matter between Orga and Mika.

But first of all, I think it's important to be clear: Orga and Mika's relationship is rooted in genuine care and affection. This is not apparent friendship built on a lie. These two really are together for life and there are many positive aspects to that. We see them joking about early on, Mika making sure Orga eats (whether he wants to or not), the ease with which they operate as a double-act -- and there's a real sense each would be dead before the series began if not for the other.

However, there is also a profound imbalance at the heart of their relationship. I've written before about how that imbalance is inverted compared to what it looks like at first glance; that is, Mika is the dominant personality, with Orga twisting to follow his wishes. At the same time, yes, Mika has absolutely outsourced his decision-making to Orga. No question. It might be Mika's desires and dreams that ultimately shape their path, but Orga is still the one making choices about where to go and who to shoot.

And it's the absolute degree of Mika's surrender that fucks Orga up. Because, to a very specific point, Mika will do exactly what Orga tells him without question. Period. Everybody else's opinions and orders are secondary to the man he's picked as his guiding star in life. I say 'man'; I mean 'boy'. This started when they were kids, after all, which is why Orga's sense of responsibility is quite so thoroughly warped.

As far as Orga is concerned, being in charge means working everything out on his own. Because Mika does not help him. Mika, at most, offers gut feelings for why something should be done; he never provides useful input on how to get from A to B. So Orga internalises that the buck stops with him, that he always has to be the decisive one, always has to have a plan.

It's masked to begin with because Biscuit is there as the angel on his other shoulder, offering useful advice and acting his second-in-command. However -- Orga never actually listens to what Biscuit has to say about the direction Tekkadan should go. That's the central tension in their relationship, in fact. Orga actively expects Biscuit to go along with what he chooses because that's what Mika does.

With Biscuit gone, there's nobody left to make even a token attempt at calling him on this tendency. Eugene utterly fails to, despite having a good set of instincts, because he's too committed to Tekkadan and too easily swayed by other people who seem to know better. Merribit gives it her best shot, but lacks the tools to approach the boys convincingly. Kudelia doesn't see it as her place. And the rest of Tekkadan fall in line over and over, reinforcing Orga's bad habits.

They trust him, is the thing. They trust him to deliver on the dreams he weaves, enough to offer up their lives on his say-so. None more than Mika himself, who literally gives an arm and a leg to make sure Orga's plans come through.

There is a point where this commitment slips out of Orga's control. I'm not sure where to pin it generally but the battle with the mobile armour is when Mikazuki makes it clear he isn't going to back down on the idea of becoming kings of Mars. He's seen Orga latch on to McGillis' offer as *the* destination, their place, where they can all be together and happy. And because he's always done whatever is necessary to see Orga's plans come through, he . . . does precisely that. Even knowing it's going to injure him further. Even with Orga literally telling him not to.

Making sure Orga gets his victory is more important.

I should stress how much this fucks Mikazuki up as well. I tend to focus a lot on Orga, but Mikazuki reduces himself down to a weapon for Orga's sake. To the point of breathing a sigh of relief once he's been sufficiently disabled he thinks he won't have a life outside Barbatos any more. Atra says at one point that Mikazuki is lazy over things that don't interest him -- that includes conceptualising an existence beyond fighting and following Orga. He does have his own dreams (being a farmer, seeing interesting sights) but actually working out how to achieve them after he's given away so much to Orga is beyond him. In the end, he simply gives them away too and chooses to keep following what he imagines Orga's orders would be.

Neither of these boys intended to do this to each other. That's the tragic part. Orga uses Mika as a weapon because it's the smart choice but it tears him up inside to see what that does to Mika as a person. Meanwhile, Mika insists what happens to him comes from his own choices and isn't something Orga should feel guilty over or see as a reason to give up.

And . . . here's where we move from the first level (Orga's no-middle-gear sense of responsibility coupled to Mika's unconditional loyalty) to the level on which Mika personally scares Orga into escalating over and over again.

It's that scene in the Montag Company ship. Or, no, it's not just that: Orga talks earlier about how he constantly feels Mika's eyes on him. Yet it's following Biscuit's death that this aspect of their relationship is laid bare.

I love this scene so much. It has the form of a triumphal rescue from grief, complete with swelling musical score, in much the way Mika often has the form of being the daring protagonist. But the content is Mika being the most blatantly scary he ever is in the entire show. The way he looks at Orga -- the way he always looks at Orga, his unblinking, uncompromising stare -- is at last framed as an overt threat. Mika is not going to let Orga give up because Orga promised to take him to the better place. What Orga wants is irrelevant.

Ah, screw it, I'm transcribing the dub script because it is so, so good.

"Tell me. What do you want me to do next, Orga?" "Hey give me a break. I'm just -" "Look I'm sorry. But I can't stop yet." "That's enough." "Now I wanna know -" "I SAID THAT'S ENOUGH -" Mika grabs Orga by the shirt, dragging him close. "Is this the place you told me about? 'Cos I won't stop. Not 'til we're there. I can't. On that day, Orga, I decided. So. How many should I kill? How many more until we get there? Because I need to know. Tell me, Orga Itsuka! You're gonna take me, aren't you? That's what you told me! What should I do next -?” "GET OFF ME! Orga throws Mika at the locker in the corner and stands up. "Yeah, alright, fine. I'll get you there. Can't turn around now anyway. That's what you want, RIGHT? No matter want kind of hell might be waiting for us. OK? Then I'll do it. And I'm bringing everyone with me." "Yeah. That's right. Take us there. So who do you need me to take out then? And what d'you want me to destroy? 'Cos if I finally get to reach that place someday, there's nothing that I won't do." SFX: lightning and thunder

This is not Mika pulling Orga out of the darkness. It's Mika driving Orga further into it, into a battle that kills dozens and very nearly ends with every single named character dead (in the real world, the commissioning of a second season saved them; in universe, it's stubbornness and pure fluke).

What would it be like to have someone so committed to what you've promised them, they would do anything for you, up to and including refusing to let you break your word? What would that be like if said person was the most dangerous individual you had ever met in your life, because there is a point past having no sense of self-preservation where no line is 'too far'?

That's Orga living with Mika as his shadow. That's not healthy. That's not sane. Orga comes loose at the seams attempting to be what Mika expects of him, and I think he's genuinely terrified of what might happen if he can't.

It goes the other way too. The scene in the ship is one of two times I'd say, yeah, that's what Mika looks like when he's scared. The other is immediately prior, when it seems Carta is going to kill Orga. 'That's what you told me' isn't just a reminder for Orga; it's the closest Mika gets to a crisis of faith. Seeing the one you believe in waver is its own form of terror and Mika has committed everything he's got to Orga. He can't conceive of stopping now.

[I should say, I primarily watched the dub and the vocal performances vary somewhat here even if the underlying intent doesn't. I love what Kyle McCarley does, injecting a note of increasing franticness into Mika's speech, but Kengo Kawanishi hits the volume rise hard on 'What should I do next?', hammering home just how much he needs an answer. Of course, they then both give Mika this deliciously bloodthirsty joy when he gets the one he's looking for.]

I don't know if there's anything Orga could do that would truly break Mika's faith or push Mika to turn that prodigious strength against him. I don't get the feeling Mika is the kind of person who'd ever hurt a friend for real. He isn't cruel and we see how much friendship matters to him (woe betide anyone who hurts the people close to him).

But what these two are actually capable of is beside the point. What matters is what they think of one another and they each think the other is the most amazing thing in existence. Orga sees Mika as near superhuman and Mika sees Orga as fantastically brilliant, and they're both afraid of being proved wrong, so they aim for an impossibility imposed by their mutual expectations.

The further they head down the shortest path to their goals, the more Mika crumbles physically and the more Orga crumbles emotionally. Like an engine shaking itself to pieces as it turns faster and faster. Love, hope, faith, determination -- and no brakes. A mad charge towards destruction.

I don't tend to describe things as 'toxic'. For whatever reason, it's not a word with much presence in my vocabulary. Still, I think it fits here. Mika and Orga's relationship might have been healthy, in a kinder world. It's undeniably the most important aspect of their lives. There's no intention on either on part to cause hurt. But the combination of who they are and the circumstances they are trapped in means they're ultimately toxic to each other.

No matter how much they care or want what's best, the very form of their relationship impedes their ability to grow, cuts them off from those who might be able to help with that, and eventually leads them to their deaths.

-----

Well, that's how I see it anyway. I hope this helped? I think Iron-Blooded Orphans does some pretty brilliant things in terms of presenting fucked-up relationships that have positive aspects while at the same time dooming the participants, so I'm always happy to ramble about that aspect of the show. Or indeed, any aspect of it at all!

#words in answer #more rambling #gundam iron blooded orphans #gundam ibo #g tekketsu #tekketsu no orphans #mikazuki augus #orga itsuka #character interpretation #spoilers

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sepublic · 9 months

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“You assume Belos’ goal comes from a genuine place. But that man doesn’t care about anything but his need to be the hero in his own delusion, and because of that, he fears what he can’t control.”

I think of this line in the context of the previous episode being For the Future, and how the Titan’s description of Belos is meant to contrast with who Luz is as a person. Because in FtF’s climax, Camila has a breakthrough with Luz regarding her self-loathing for mistakes and things that frankly were out of her control, that Luz shouldn’t blame herself for; As Camila reminds her daughter, mistakes happen sometimes. That’s okay. And we try to prevent bad things from happening…

But in Camila’s case especially, that attempt to control things to protect her daughter just alienated Luz, hurt her deeply. Likewise, Luz’s hero complex evolves over the course of the series… It becomes less openly glamorous and more ‘humble’, but in a way it still exists. When Luz blames herself for her friends being separated from their parents even though that wasn’t even her call, it’s because she thinks she’s the hero. When she blames herself for helping Philip, it’s because Luz is the hero. When Luz, a freaking teenager, can’t help Eda against this genocidal dictatorship, it’s because Luz is the hero and she’s failed.

Luz still has this unhealthy expectation of herself; Where she’s supposed to actively repent for her past selfishness and mistakes by fixing everything. She’s supposed to be the friend who takes the burden for others, who doesn’t saddle them with her own issues. Luz is supposed to help Eda with her curse, and later with her family situation with Gwen. Luz is trying to direct her attention outwards, towards others, but there’s ultimately this unintentionally self-centered approach where if bad things happen, it’s a reflection on Luz as a person, and she is basically the only who can determine what happens, the input of others ignored.

That leads to risky maneuvers, like when Luz attempts to take Hunter's place against Belos at the skull, or hides the truth to keep the others from worrying. It’s this misguided desire to be the self-sacrificial martyr, another kind of hero. It’s this need to feel like Luz is in control; That she CAN fix things on her own, that she CAN help, and she COULD have done something, meaning if things go wrong regardless, it’s Luz’s fault.

It’s a double-edged sword of claiming autonomy, because it means Luz refuses to blame outside factors for her failures, it’s all on her. It’s comforting in its own way to think she could’ve done something better, because it means Luz can do better next time, right? It means Luz doesn’t have to worry about the uncertainty of the future if she just tries hard enough, correct?

But Camila has to remind her daughter that you can try your best and still fail. You’re still human (for lack of a better term), just as Willow is when she isn’t able to keep everything going smoothly in that same episode. And that’s alright; You can take responsibility, but you can’t overcompensate and consider yourself the ‘hero’ in charge of everyone’s wellbeing. Which brings me back to that point about the Titan summarizing the differences between Luz and Belos, what makes one good and the other bad, so to speak;

Belos fears what he can’t control, because he needs to be the hero who controls everything and can accomplish whatever he wants; Look how much he thrives on having control over people, manipulating them, adapting to a situation, it makes him feel clever and superior. But Luz, while she afraid for a bit… Thanks to her mother, she’s finally begun to accept that she can’t control things. Luz isn’t the perfect hero, she needs the help of others. She’ll make mistakes, or even make no mistakes and still lose! Luz can’t do everything to look after her mother or vice-versa, you have to let people do their own thing, and that also includes herself.

Luz does legitimately care about others; She’ll consider other points of view, like she did when showing sympathy to Amity early in their interactions. Luz can reevaluate what she does because it’s about doing right, not being right, even if it might not be as glamorous. Contrast that with Belos, who refuses to admit that he could’ve made the wrong call about witches and his brother, because then he’s not the hero.

And his need to be right matters more than helping people, which is why Belos sacrifices his own brother rather than letting go of that narrative of himself as the one saving humanity. If he were just misguided, he’d have eventually accepted there was nothing to worry about (Philip is very perceptive, he can tell), but Belos didn’t because that meant no longer being the hero, and he knew his priorities when pushed to choose only one. A classic case of bias distorting reasonable analysis.

They both wanted to be the hero, and there’s nothing inherently wrong with that; After all, Eda specifies at the end of Witches before Wizards that you can still healthily engage with reality, while also working to achieve your dreams. That’s how Luz’s character arc ends, too; She gets to become the hero she wanted to be, while still engaging with the people and world around her and not becoming entitled or arrogant.

There’s nothing wrong with Luz wanting things for herself, nothing wrong with Luz thinking about or prioritizing herself, despite what her self-loathing claims. Despite her decision to stay in the human world because choosing a place she’s happy is a mistake that hurt her mother. But you have to keep other people in mind… You have to critically examine and ask yourself; Is it really about helping others and making sure all is okay, or is it simply the satisfaction of being the savior who corrects these NPCs, and wants an evil to campaign against? Which will you prioritize? This is especially relevant in progressive circles, which fits given TOH’s politics.

Likewise, you gotta remember yourself, too. You don’t have to be 100% pure and selfless in your motives when helping people, it’s okay to want to be loved in return. You don’t have to necessarily choose between others and yourself, and Luz doesn’t have to choose between both worlds, or what kind of magic she uses, her type of Palisman, etc.

#the owl house #luz noceda #character analysis #meta

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bern-the-bridge · 3 months

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Emily Might Have Bitten Off More Than She Can Chew

(Hazbin Hotel Spoilers)

Do I know in depth lore about Hazbin Hotel or Helluva Boss? No. However, I have a degree in creative writing, I’ve seen an unhealthy amount of animated shows, and I’ve analyzed every frame of You Didn’t Know roughly a jillion times. So, I think I’m qualified to share my observations.

So from what I’ve seen from the fandom, a lot of people are already pointing their fingers to Sera and blaming her for letting the executions happen, which is valid. However, like she said, there’s a lot that we don’t know.

First of all, let’s take a look at the character designs for Sera’s and Emily’s partial angelic and pure angelic forms.

So one obvious change is how they both have more eyes. Yes, multiple eyes are a reference to the appearance of biblically accurate angels, however it’s more than that. Sera and Emily introduce themselves while in their pure angelic forms before transforming into their humanoid forms. And like demons, later in the episode they only transform into their partial angelic forms when they feel strong emotions, mostly anger. And they specifically transform after it’s revealed that angels are actively executing demons.

When she finds out about this, Emily’s eyes are literally opened. She now gets a glimpse at the false utopian society they had built.

But Sera clearly has more eyes than Emily, indicating her higher ranking among the seraphims and her age. But it’s also an implication that she knows much more than she lets on. Emily might have gotten a taste of the brutal reality they live in, but Sera is much more aware of the situation, and there’s a lot that she’s purposefully hiding from her.

Sera also has eyes all over her body, which could be a suggestion that she is all seeing. However, while she does have eyes all over her body, they all face the same general direction. From the frames we’ve seen at least, there are no eyes behind her or on her sides. So she might believe that she is all seeing, but even she has blindspots and instead tunnel visions on her own priorities. And because all of eyes face forward, she only focuses on what’s in front of her, her people.

Furthermore, while Emily only has her eyes opened after she discovers the truth, Sera already knew about the exterminations. Which means when she transformed into her humanoid form, especially in front of demons, she’s quite literally turning a blind eye to them.

Then of course, there’s the scene wherein they sing You Didn’t Know.

From what I’ve seen, when most people analyze Sera, they reference the first image. We can see the fires of hell reflected in Sera’s eyes, which is an image usually used to show a villain watching the evil they have wrought. However, this can also be seen as a symbol of the distance Sera has placed in between herself and the exterminations. The actual image of the flames are contained in the eyes of her humanoid form, which downplays the severity. Yet her predominantly white color scheme becomes tainted with red, meaning she could be oblivious to how corrupt she’s become. But what actually intrigues me about this frame is that Sera isn’t looking at the scene in hell. She’s looking at Emily. All of the destruction she’s caused, she did so for Emily and her people.

And what I don’t see enough people talking about is the second image, because how it’s framed is also normally used for villains. After the first time Emily looks at the scene, she doesn’t really look at it again. She instead looks at Sera or Charlie or the other angels. She literally has her back turned to the atrocities in hell, which can mean a handful of things.

It could just be a way of portraying her ignorance. Because Sera kept secrets from her and because Emily never thought to question their system, she wasn’t able to try and help sooner. However, it could also be a hint about what could happen next.

I think Emily is gonna mess up somehow by trying to stop the exterminations. Like Sera, even when she grows more eyes in her partial angelic and pure angelic forms, Emily’s eyes all still face the same general direction. In fact, if you look closely, they seem to be even more fixed towards one point than Sera. Her extra eyes are always concentrating on what her humanoid eyes are looking at. Maybe Emily will be so fixated on saving the demons that she neglects her duties as a seraphim. Maybe she gets blindsided by whatever Sera’s withholding from her because she can’t see the bigger picture. Maybe she ends up doing more harm than good. Maybe something bad happens and it winds up being her fault.

Finally, there are blatant parallels between Emily and Charlie. While fans love to compare them, they tend to forget how much more naive Emily is than Charlie. And remember what Charlie does back in Episode Four: Masquerade? While attempting to help Angel Dust, her actions lead to setting the studio aflame and she indirectly hurts Angel. And it’s fascinating to me how a story set primarily in hell only has two significant scenes that predominantly shows fire, the scene wherein Charlie causes one, and the scene wherein Emily witnesses the angels cause them. So perhaps Emily and Charlie’s similarities won’t stop there, and Emily will wind up making some big mistakes with the best intentions.

All of this to say, I can’t wait to watch the last two episodes later, I’m withholding judgement on Sera until we learn more about whatever secrets she has, and I predict Emily will accidentally cause a huge mess.

#hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel sera #hazbin hotel emily #vivziepop

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am-i-the-asshole-official · 10 months

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AITA for planning to cut off a two-year friendship at the end of summer?

A bit of background:

I (19X) have been active friends with T (19M) since soon after the start of senior year. We bonded over shared interests and classes, and I was mostly just glad to have someone to talk to since I (prob ADHD and/or autistic) have trouble keeping friends. We've taken the shift from high school to college okay, not having to talk everyday, but in high school it almost felt stifling.

I moved around a lot as a kid, so two years is a lot for me even to this day. Most of my "friendships" in the past consisted of me latching on to a random classmate and trying to figure out how the "friend" thing worked by joining their conversations. Thinking back, I don't know how many of them even considered me an acquaintance, and I'm almost certain none of them remember me.

T, conversely, latched on to me first. In high school he would message me all the time, and we hung out a lot, to the point where multiple classmates and my parents asked if we were dating (we're both aroace and i'm nonamorous). While they weren't right, I could see where they were coming from.

I don't know details but T (definite anxiety, possible other) feels like his self-worth is tied to what he can do for others, resulting in a lot of gifts over the past two years. I managed to dissuade him from instantly buying anything I mention but it's kinda hard.

More recently, the issue seems to be a combination of seeing each other less and our mental health issues conflicting. T often messages me when having anxiety attacks, which I have been able to talk out with logic before but it's really tiring (my mother (50F) has anxiety too and I help her when necessary). I've been dropping my masks more often at college, setting boundaries with myself, and becoming more aware of how much is too much, especially emotionally.

T's anxiety tells him that if I'm not messaging him that I hate him (sometimes even if I am he's still convinced), while any time I open our text chain or discord it feels tiring to send a message and keep active in our friendship. I'm suspecting I might also be aplatonic and I moved around a lot as a kid so two years is a long friendship for me.

This all culminated in me deciding at the start of summer that I would stop being friends with T at the start of fall (we share a summer class and it would be awkward) due to a combination of both of us needing therapy and me not being built for friendships right now (if ever). T is distraught but he's tied his entire worth as a human being to being my friend and that's not healthy for either of us.

TL;DR: I don't understand how friendship works but this feels unhealthy for both of us due to our mental health.

AITA?

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole

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reverseblackholeofwords · 8 days

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Hi, just wanted to remind you that I still love all the ego stuff you wrote. I was a big lurker during the time you actively wrote it but dude it was so fucking good.

When I think about the egos, I mostly think about your stuff bc it made the characters come to life. It was so good. I can’t say it enough.

The stuff I’m pulling from memory rn is Anti’s time in The Forgotten. Like my bro, my dude, my homie. That shit pulled at my heart. The fact that he was only gone for like a day or smt in our dimension but he had actually been gone for like 10 years in that dimension experiencing horrors unknown. AND NOBEDY KNEW???? Good shit.

The relationship between the Host and dr. Iplier. Still one of my fav bromances. Like the trust between them and how it was made through hardships. It came to a point where Host even trusted Doc with his name??? Which gave him power over Host, something he was so afraid of. Doc made him a better man. Stopped him from being too cruel. But than he had to forget it bc he went insane. BUT BECAUSE HOST IS AN ASS, HE MADE DOC AND ANTI FORGET EVERYTHING. My guy, that’s your platonic husband and adopted son. Yes I was screaming about that. That still gets me going.

There is so much other stuff too though. Like Anti and Doc becoming family. The egos all getting closer. Phantom being an absolute menace every time he appeared. The Googles becoming more and more human over time.

You introduced me to Wiggles. Didn’t know anything about PJ before I started reading your works.

What it all boils down to, is me wanting to thank you. I don’t know how you look back on those ego stories but it got me through some dark times. You updating it always made my day better. I still carry a piece of it with me everywhere I go and has also inspired me a lot. So thank you!

Oh man, thank you so much for taking time to send this! It's honestly insanely encouraging to hear those stories stuck with you. I still love them a lot myself, cringe or no, because they're such a fun time capsule of that period in my life, and this blog and all the people who followed it (lurkers and all) also helped me get through college in one piece.

Gosh I did put Anti through so much, but in my defense, it was for character development! He and Ollie were always one of my favorite dynamics to write, personally. I mean, the computer glitch demon and the sentient android with a heart of gold? I still haven't made up something that good since. Also the Mare and Phantom dynamic, which they were always managing to screw up somehow. Unhealthy sibling dynamics are the best.

It's also insane that so much of the Host stuck with you because he was always my favorite to write and the one that felt the most like mine at the end of the day. The fact that Mark announced he'd retired him as a character and we all collectively agreed to kidnap him and give him a story is still one of this fandom's shining moments in my mind. In fact, I've kinda snagged Host for different original stories I'm writing now just because I miss writing him so much. I've also kept The Forgotten as a concept, which is definitely getting used in a setting I'm working on now because the angst potential is indeed too good to deny.

Also, while we're strolling down memory lane, what one writer gets to wipe their entire canon midway through and start over again in an alternate timeline whilst using references to the previous timeline to terrorize their readers? Ending one timeline of the blog to begin another was a wild but fascinating experiment on my part to see how I could use it to play with foreshadowing and all that jazz. Plus nothing will ever quite beat letting the audience reach into the narrative and start making their own waves from time to time.

But even though I do mostly original stories now, I'm still loving writing found families and platonic soulmates and maybe the redeeming of one or two villains, so I appreciate all the practice and the feedback I got from these stories! I'll probably keep sneaking Ego references into my stories forever. I'd also be curious to know which story arcs stuck with other people??

#i forgot how much i love talking about these stories though #its been too long!!#markiplier egos #jse egos

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pallastrology · 8 months

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interpreting your angles

the angles are four points in a natal chart that correspond with four stages of life. in a way, the angles represent four parts of the self, that intertwine and reconnect throughout life, often working in tandem. they function as two pairs of axes, with one (the ac-dc axis) looking at the concept of me vs. you; the other (the mc-ic axis), where you aim for vs. where you came from. click the links to read my interpretation of these placements through the signs 🩵

the ascendant is generally situated in the first house. it is all about selfhood, and so represents aspects of our personality, our impulses and reactions, some of our physical mannerisms and expression, and our perception of the world. the ascendant tells us a lot about ourselves, from our wants and needs, desires, fears, even something about our health. it shows us what we identify with, how we perceive ourselves and, to a degree, how others perceive us. the ascendant is a point that tells us about our identity; the descendant, its sister, tells us a lot about others in relation to ourselves. it shows us the traits we perhaps lack, or those that we express in an unhealthy manner. it shows us what we want and need from our partner, and interestingly, it represents what we reject in ourselves and what we reflect onto others. it shows us what is underneath the identity we project outwards.

☁️ personal example: i have a virgo rising, so have pisces on the descendant. i pride myself on being a neat and tidy, organised and mature individual. i study hard and read a lot, i am logical and sensible. underneath that, i have ADHD and grew up homeschooled in a chaotic environment. i am sensitive and intuitive, i have large gaps in my education and i am something of an artist at heart. my partner is a musician, and interestingly, a pisces. learning to balance these two sides of myself has helped me enormously in life, and brought me a lot of internal peace.

the midheaven is generally found in the tenth house. it is a little more nebulous than the ascendant, but it represents legacy, mastery, what we build over the course of our lives, what we aspire towards and what we become known for. it is traditionally associated with career too, especially the “peak” of our working lives, when we’ve reached our potential. for a lot of us, the midheaven is more tangible, and more of an active part of life, after our first saturn return (around age thirty). traits of the midheaven are things we have to learn and put hours and work into to gain. conversely, the nadir, or imum coeli, shows us what our childhood taught us. it shows us the internal experience of the situation we grew up in; how we made sense of it, what beliefs and habits we now carry with us, what we wished we had, what we needed. the imum coeli represents our experience of being nurtured, and how that experience impacted our ability to nurture ourselves as adults. it represents the small, fragile parts of ourselves that perhaps weren’t able to grow the way they should have.

☁️ personal example: i have a taurus midheaven, so have scorpio on the nadir. growing up i was very isolated, had controlling and emotionally unstable caregivers, and a grew up in a household where feelings were seen as weak and so were to be hidden. there was no trust either, with a lot of fighting for control. as an adult, i have a low self-worth and little ability to trust either myself or others. i can be emotionally chaotic and am preoccupied with perfection, often taking things to an extreme. that being said, i have a strong work ethic, am focused on building emotional and material safety for myself and my loved ones, and bond very closely when i do build that trust. i am attracted to warmth and comfort, and aspire to be spiritually and mentally rich.

so, now you hopefully know a little more about the angles, but… how do you interpret them in your chart? they can sometimes be interpreted as an extension of the angular houses, but this won’t always work out, and i find it can be a bit of an oversimplification. because while, for example, the fourth house and IC both rule over our childhood home, nurturing figures and sense of comfort, the fourth house is much more oriented to the present day, and to that physical area of life; while the IC is more focused on our internal experience of our childhood, and how that effects and impacts us today, out in the world. when i am reading a chart, i find it helpful to look at the angles first as two pairs, so i can understand the energies and issues they are bearing; then, i look at the angles as a cycle of AC-IC-DC-MC, so i can read them in “chronological order”. once i feel i have some understanding, i look at things like the point rulers, the contents and rulers of the houses involved, any aspects to the angles, etc., and start to fill in the details from there. it’s perhaps not the most straightforward method, but for me, i find it to be the most helpful route to gaining the amount of detail i want from a chart reading. the best method for you to use is the method that you find the most helpful, so experiment when reading, use your intuition and let the technical stuff guide that intuition :-)

a quick note on house systems… i use placidus because it’s what i find works best for me, so when i read a chart, the angles are the cusp of their respective houses. if, however, you use something like whole signs or equal houses as your house system of choice, then the angles can move around a lot more within the chart, adding an interesting extra layer to your interpretations. the angles can get a bit restless depending on your distance from the equator, too. these complexities are something i’d like to explore further in a future post if you’d be interested 🩵

#pallastrology #astrology #astrology blog #astrology post #angles #ascendant #imum coeli #descendant #midheaven #ac-dc #mc-ic #faq #interpretation #reading your birth chart

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cimoris · 8 months

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An Unused WIP

A common misconception about charging animatronic is that they need to sleep or power down during the process. In reality, animatronics can still be active during charging. Most just prefer staying in place to avoid the chance of tangling up the charging cord by moving. It also became a great excuse to rest.

Charging while staying awake had its downside. Similar to a phone, being active while charging can reduce the battery performance of an animatronic.

Eclipse knew that well with Moon’s frequent trip to part and services. Or, occasionally, to Monty Golf when it had not been a month since his last battery replacement. Monty’s help and understanding to provide the replacement battery forced Eclipse to endure interacting with them.

(He is very grateful toward the gator. He didn’t know how many more battery replacements the company would provide before deciding to decommission Moon.)

(He won’t lose another brother. Not again.)

Eclipse once confronted Moon about the unhealthy lifestyle and the risk of decommissioning. It only led to heated arguments and thrown items.

(Moon called him a hypocrite. Telling Eclipse to fix his sleeping schedule before minding his brother’s.)

The debate was on the table for a few months, then they both just stopped. Eclipse was too tired to argue with Moon anyway. (Especially when his own battery was failing.) He resorted to slaving away as both mechanic and daycare attendant. Pushing himself to the limit to repay Monty’s help.

(Monty told him to keep the money. They told him that the brothers needed the cash more, and that Sun needed it more.)

With Eclipse no longer bothering him, Moon went deeper down the rabbit hole. Often he forgot to check his charge level. (Eclipse found him passed out in front of Sun with hands around a wrench.) His solution was to attach the charging cord on him all the time. It damaged his battery at a faster rate.

At this point, Eclipse believed that Moon would only stop when Sun woke up. Or when Fazbear Entertainment decided to decommission him. The first option was close to impossible to happen and the second option was just not a choice.

That was until the other ‘Sun’ arrived.

Now, the two were sitting on the blue mat tainted by oil stains. Inky black covering the animatronics’ bodies and clothes: blue becomes black and yellow becomes brown. ‘Sun’ still had their arms wrapped around Moon, while Moon’s arm had gone limp on his side. Had Eclipse missed the soft snores, he would have thought Moon was dead. (Just the thought of it sent electric shock through his wires.)

It only took a few minutes of them meeting and several hours of crying for Moon to finally fall asleep. A miracle done by a stranger that Eclipse, Moon’s brother, could not achieve. (As happy as he was for his brother, he felt disappointment for himself. He failed to help his brother for the past few years and this stranger managed to in less than a day.)

Eclipse carefully placed his toolbox on the security desk, avoiding the fragile dent from earlier in the afternoon. It made a small clutter, not enough to wake Moon, but enough to alert ‘Sun’ of his presence.

“Hey, Eclipse.” ‘Sun’ waved him over, careful not to wake Moon. “Can you help me a little?”

Eclipse took a closer look at them and grimaced. ‘Sun’ had been sitting on his heels. Judging from Moon’s position, the full weight of two animatronics fell onto ‘Sun.’ He could not imagine how uncomfortable it must have been for ‘Sun’ to be in that position for the last few hours.

“You should have woken him up.” Eclipse was grateful that ‘Sun’ let Moon sleep. Who knows when the next time Moon would let himself sleep?

“Yeah, but I kinda feel bad.” ‘Sun’ pushes Moon slightly off him and straight into Eclipse’s arms. He stretched his arms a little then straightened his feet on the oily mat. “My feet felt numb around an hour ago. I think one of the wiring got squeezed.”

Eclipse nodded, “Sorry, and thanks for not waking him up.” He pulled oily arms around him, careful for it not to slip his grip. “Don’t worry about the mess. I’ll clean it up myself. You should ask your Moon to look at the wiring.”

“Are you sure?” ‘Sun’ looked around him, “I can stick around for a while.”

“It’s fine, Sun.” Eclipse was glad that ‘Sun’ was covered in his brother’s tears: yellow became brown, red became maroon. The traveller looked nothing like his other brother.

(As much as he is grateful to ‘Sun,’ he would also like for him to go as soon as possible. He doesn't know how much longer his self-control will last.)

“Okay, then.” ‘Sun’ reached the side of his head. Eclipse assumed ‘Sun’ is calling his brother. He observed the one-sided conversation. (The bells got clogged) Eclipse was about to walk away with his brother when ‘Sun’ called him back.

“I’ll be going now.” ‘Sun’ whispered, “I’ll see you soon!”

‘See you soon?’ Eclipse snapped his neck to ‘Sun,’ but he was gone.

#sun and moon show #fanfiction writer #fanfiction #ao3 fanfic #fan fiction #the sun and moon show #sams nice eclipse #sams sun #light angst #tsams #tsams nice eclipse

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captainofthetidesbreath · 2 years

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This post is way longer than I intended it to be, and for that I apologize, but: really, as far as the discourse is concerned, whether Laudna is resurrected or remains dead (and what people's interests and preferences about that are) has become totally irrelevant. It has become apparent to me that real point of contention in the discourse is: "Is it wrong to believe or suggest that permanent death can and does still happen, even to player characters, when there exists magic that can raise the dead?"

It is fascinating that some people assert that "resurrection magic exists in D&D and Exandria" naturally means "resurrection magic means that the inherent nature of death in Exandria is not permanent". It's a sentiment I've seen in multiple semi-popular posts. I've seen another post go as far as "if there is the ability to fix death, then all death is unnecessary tragedy, and it is wrong to not fix it as soon as possible". There's even some going "it's wrong to suggest that permanent death can happen to the heroes, and permanent death should never be allowed to happen to them". At least one person that I've seen believes that acknowledging that death can be permanent in Exandria suggests an unhealthy hang-up about death that needs professional help.

The existence of such magic does not actually logically lead to these. Frankly, I think some with such strong and negative emotional responses to the concept that permanent death can still occur in a world with resurrection magic need to examine why they get so, so angry when it is stated that resurrection magic does not necessarily automatically eliminate sudden, unnatural, young death. Why is it so infuriating to see other people acknowledge that permanent death canonically can and does still exist alongside this magic? (Don't come telling me about it. This is mostly rhetorical and, if one does decide to reflect, that is a private reflection I, a stranger, don't need to be involved in.)

There's a curious sentiment as well that "well, it's fantasy", asserting that the genre itself means that death does not need to ever happen. (Genuinely, I am personally hard-pressed to name a fantasy work that does not, in some way, involve permanent death, particularly fantasy written for adults.) This argument also ignores that CritRole has never been a fantasy that treats death as inherently temporary. CritRole has in fact made it possible for otherwise generally auto-succeed rituals to fail, and the lore of the world actively cautions that resurrection magic is rare, risky, and likely to fail. Every time, margin for failure increases. Performing the highest resurrection magics is held as one of the world's oldest heresies. So, that appeal to genre does not apply: Exandria considers it risky, even unwise, to mess with death.

Rhetorical question, what IS it about the sentiment of "permanent death CAN still happen in a world where resurrection magic exists" that makes some so genuinely angry that they start to believe that this statement and similar are wrong, sick, twisted, and fucked up to say. (All actual adjectives I've seen.) Some are behaving as if acknowledging that permanent death still exists in a world with resurrection magic is sacrilegious. Again, rhetorical question: WHY does the statement that resurrection magic does not make impossible permanent death instill such fury?

At this point, it is wholly irrelevant to the discourse whether Laudna remains dead or is brought back—that is entirely outside of my current personal concern here. What has been illustrated is that some are just SO incapable of handling even the theoretical idea that she MIGHT remain dead, simply because they believe that the existence of (emphatically: canonically rare and risky) resurrection magic inherently means that it is morally wrong to acknowledge player characters can permanently die. Their logic is that the existence of the magic alone automatically means that death should not be and is not allowed, thus, they interpret any acknowledgment that permanent death (canonically) can and may still happen as verboten. One is not allowed to suggest that permanent death still exists simply because resurrection magic also exists, the logic apparently being that the mere existence of such magic forbids any player character from dying permanently.

That belief that "resurrection magic === it is wrong to believe that permanent death is still possible for a protagonist" is a much more fascinating thing and much more central to the discourse than Laudna's ultimate fate—and much more concerning.

#Critical Role things #CR spoilers #CR #cr meta #long post for ts #this is good to reblog as evidenced by the fact that I haven't locked it—just know that I am NOT arguing or discussing further on this post

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wintergrew · 1 month

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Actually i will say on KAYF...

The basic premise of KAYF was an idea I first got roughly ten years ago after watching various vampire media. (Let the Right One In, Shiki, etc.) Not the whole plot, but the basic premise of a (queer) couple broken up by one becoming a vampire while their town is being destroyed by...well, vampires. Originally with my friend's and my Star Wars ocs from the MMO swtor we were obsessed with and made a billion AUs for, but very quickly it became its own thing in my head with new OCs.

But at that point in my life i was not writing fiction. I was always too self conscious of my writing because someone flamed my cringeybwriting on Neopets when I was, like...8 or something. So I literally went a full ass decade without writing fiction (with the exception of a couple attempts i immediately abandoned because I hated them) until I decided to try again with South Park fanfiction because i don't even know. Which includes The Thief, which I was shocked people liked. It was a TERRIBLE point in my life, I should say, so having people enjoy what I wrote and saying nice things about it was quite literally one of the only good things I had.

But anyway I still had that vampire idea in the back of my head, but just as random scenes that played in my head of the two main charades + the person who ended up being Estella. (Though originally her and Scott's role was combined.) The plot wasn't really defined or anything, but the basic ending was in my head from the very very beginning.

Anyway...2020. i was supposed to see MCR. Then COVID postponed it. I was very sad about this. So I extra emo-ly listened to a shit ton of MCR. And listening to MCR, suddenly I was thinking about that vampire story and their music pretty much helped me put the plot into place. The terminal illness plotline. The vampire of the pairing being obsessed to save his love and the cruelty from the other vampires regarding that. And ofc the song Kill All Your Friends itself gave me the set up of an IT-like time skip where someone died and they all go back.

They were all still 100% OCs in my head at this point. I didn't really have much confidence anyone would like these idea but, I was actively writing South Park fanfiction people liked well enough. I'd only ever written fanfiction. So I was like "huh I guess I can make this idea Creek".

So I did. And then wrote three chapters and didn't update for a full year.

But then in 2021 it became my ADHD obsession. I stopped caring about The Thief Trilogy. All I could think of was KAYF and wrote the rest of it in three or so months... Over 100k words. Pretty sure the update schedule was longer than that, but I spaced out chapters by a week long after I was finished.

And people seemed to like it. It was too dark to be as popular as the Thief Trilogy, but I knew that. It was a much more personal story, though, especially with how emotional it was, so it meant SO MUCH to me that anyone liked it. Also because The Thief Trilogy feels basically just like a bloated fanfiction adaptation of the SOT game to me, while KAYF feels like mine, so the kind words for it meant even more in a way.

Until someone I thought was a friend trashed it relentlessly. Like, I'm fine with constructive criticism but they were just horrible. Spoiled the plot for people who wanted to read it directly after i asked them not to, went on condescending rants about how there was too much filler, how Tweek in it was an awful character who deserved to die, claimed characters were all too unsympathetic, joked about parts I meant in earnest, etc. And they got really mad at me that my feelings were hurt by this. It was a whole thing.

Anyway, I'm still to this day years later obsessed with this story year. I think about it every day, which is probably more unhealthy ADHD shit. And I always think about how to make it better. I hate how I wrote it so fast and didn't think about certain details or pacing or what have you. Like, once I finished writing it, I was sad because I wanted to keep writing it. I still do.

I hate that I disappoint people by not having it out there. I want it out there, just not the version I rushed in three months.

So, for now, the fic is hidden. Indefinitely.

Anyway if you read all this tl;dr rambling congratulations I guess.

#kayf

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freevoidman · 1 year

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I think the reason why I dislike Jaune so much just as a character is because I FEEL like the show wants him to be a narrative foil to Ruby, in a way. They’re meant to show two different sides of leadership and how each one affects their teams, they both set out at Beacon at the same time with similar-yet-different first starts (Ruby has to deal with in-drama with Weiss and, later Blake and her status as a faunus/ex-terrorist while Jaune faces out-drama in the form of Cardin). I really don’t think that the show would keep Jaune here for this long if he wasn’t supposed to serve a purpose for Ruby, the (supposed) main protagonist of the show.

But... at every point the show undercuts this narrative foil idea by having Jaune get the most active development. Jaune has the clearest motive for going after Cinder (and, by extension, Salem once he learns of her existence) post-Beacon while Ruby has the general goal of “help people.” Jaune’s grief hyper-fixates on Pyrrha, so Ruby’s grief over Pyrrha is incredibly underdefined and vague, and she doesn’t seem to care about Penny because the authors know Penny will return in V6/7 so... why have her grieve at all?

Despite Penny having a stronger relationship with Ruby, it’s Jaune that has to kill her, despite the fact it makes less than zero sense for him to do so. The reason seems to be that the writers wanted both Ruby and Jaune to be grieving and have this idea of them dealing with it in different, unhealthy ways, but what ends up happening is that Ruby’s grief feels muted while Jaune’s is explosive and gets far more attention. Couple that with how no one seems to really pick up on how badly Ruby is doing, but they notice Jaune is dealing with a lot of shit, and Ruby gets drowned out again.

This is a cycle that constantly repeats itself. Grief and revenge are two of the strongest character motivators in writing, because they are two of the strongest forces that can drive a character to do something. And damn near every time, the writers have given that to Jaune.

Ruby and Jaune mourn the same, specific people, but Jaune is almost always given the stronger scenes about missing them. His feelings about their passing are shown more clearly while Ruby seems to never get a moment to, or it’s reduced to a motivational speech (and don’t tell me this is Ruby “sweeping it under the rug,” because whenever she has a moment to grieve, some other character says or does something to quash it [Jaune interrupting her worries about dragging people along, Oscar flipping out about having new responsibilities, a grimm attacks, etc.])

Hell, it’s even gone so far with the villains the characters are meant to care about. Ruby should be directly contrasted with Cinder--she sees Cinder kill Pyrrha, she has several encounters with Cinder pre-Beacon falling, Cinder hates her for the physical damage Ruby caused--but the story lets Jaune be the one to constantly fight her! Ruby never fights Cinder one-on-one, it was Jaune in V5, it was Jaune again in V8 as the last one standing.

And then, Ruby’s direct antagonist switched to Neo, because Neo definitely hates Ruby over Roman’s death. That’s how she’s introduced in V6 to Cinder! She wants to kill Ruby, that’s the whole reason why she’s ganged up with Salem. Neo was placed as a higher threat than Cinder while they were fighting on the portal bridges, Neo has been on a revenge quest the entire time in the Never After, and she goes so far as to brutally torture Ruby, mentally, physically, and emotionally.

And, now that Neo has (supposedly) succeeded, and Ruby is dead? Who takes Ruby’s place immediately once Neo’s possessed by the cat?

Mother.

Fucking.

Jaune.

The conflict between Ruby and Neo carries over to Jaune and the Cat in the most literal sense possible, with the cat possessing Neo’s body. What ends up happening is that instead of acting as a narrative foil, Jaune becomes the protagonist. It’s really god damn telling that Ruby took nine volumes to get this significant an arc, but even then, it’s still undermined by Jaune! Frankly, Ruby’s arc is also undercut by her ability to recognize her flaws before she kills herself.

Ruby’s growth this volume is from committing suicide. After being tortured. She didn’t come to this realization herself, she was pushed into it (though she had clearly internalized at least a few things from her trauma, ie telling Little to leave because she’d get Little killed = Ruby believes the people she meets are doomed to die from being near her) and now she is, quite literally, being forced to change! Even if Ruby decides in the next episode that “hey, I’ve decided that I’m Ruby Rose, I don’t want to change by the blacksmith, I want to change on my own” that wouldn’t matter: she’s been pushed into making a decision no matter what, and she will change from this decision, no matter what.

Meanwhile, Jaune is confronted with his own trauma, how he’s harmed others because of his trauma, and accepts this on his own. Yes, WBY are there to help him, but ultimately he comes to this realization and accepts it with minimal outside help.

RWBY has always had a problem clearly defining it’s protagonists. Though I’m giving them a lot of credit with the narrative foil idea, when you look back at V1, it’s really hard to not see the writers struggling to keep the team in focus without drifting heavily towards Jaune and Pyrrha, at the very least.

I’m going to be real here: as of writing this, it’s unclear whether Jaune has “ascended” or died. iirc he’s just fallen after taking a VERY heavy hit. If I had a choice here, I would kill Jaune. I truly would. Not out of hate or spite, but because every single volume he has undercut the main cast, repeatedly, to the point where he’s no longer a “narrative foil” to Ruby, but instead he’s the protagonist of the tale, with Ruby being a showman to lure audiences in.

Ruby hasn’t been a protagonist in a very long time. She has struggled to fit the role of a protagonist, and WBY as deuteragonists, ever since the show started airing, because RWBY keeps introducing more side characters, and have the side characters interact with Jaune and the others, or everyone as a collective group. It’s infuriating, because I want to see Ruby grow on her own power, but every time that possibility is there, Jaune takes it, and I’m tired of it.

#rwde

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