so one of the things that's so horrifying about birth control is that you have to, like, navigate this incredibly personal choice about your body and yet also face the epitome of misogyny. like, someone in the comments will say it wasn't that bad for me, and you'll be utterly silenced. like, everyone treats birth control like something that's super dirty. like, you have no fucking information or control over this thing because certain powerful people find it icky.
first it was the oral contraceptives. you went on those young, mostly for reasons unrelated to birth control - even your dermatologist suggested them to control your acne. the list of side effects was longer than your arm, and you just stared at it, horrified.
it made you so mentally ill, but you just heard that this was adulthood. that, yes, there are of course side effects, what did you expect. one day you looked up yasmin makes me depressed because surely this was far too intense, and you discovered that over 12,000 lawsuits had been successfully filed against the brand. it remains commonly prescribed on the open market. you switched brands a few times before oral contraceptives stopped being in any way effective. your doctor just, like, shrugged and said you could try a different brand again.
and the thing is that you're a feminist. you know from your own experience that birth control can be lifesaving, and that even when used for birth control - it is necessary healthcare. you have seen it save so many people from such bad situations, yourself included. it is critical that any person has access to birth control, and you would never suggest that we just get rid of all of it.
you were a little skeeved out by the implant (heard too many bad stories about it) and figured - okay, iud. it was some of the worst pain you've ever fucking experienced, and you did it with a small number of tylenol in your system (3), like you were getting your bikini line waxed instead of something practically sewn into your body.
and what's wild is that because sometimes it isn't a painful insertion process, it is vanishingly rare to find a doctor that will actually numb the area. while your doctor was talking to you about which brand to choose, you were thinking about the other ways you've been injured in your life. you thought about how you had a suspicious mole frozen off - something so small and easy - and how they'd numbed a huge area. you thought about when you broke your wrist and didn't actually notice, because you'd thought it was a sprain.
your understanding of pain is that how the human body responds to injury doesn't always relate to the actual pain tolerance of the person - it's more about how lucky that person is physically. maybe they broke it in a perfect way. maybe they happened to get hurt in a place without a lot of nerve endings. some people can handle a broken femur but crumble under a sore tooth. there's no true way to predict how "much" something actually hurts.
in no other situation would it be appropriate for doctors to ignore pain. just because someone can break their wrist and not feel it doesn't mean no one should receive pain meds for a broken wrist. it just means that particular person was lucky about it. it should not define treatment.
in the comments of videos about IUDs, literally thousands of people report agony. blinding, nauseating, soul-crushing agony. they say things like i had 2 kids and this was the worst thing i ever experienced or i literally have a tattoo on my ribs and it felt like a tickle. this thing almost killed me or would rather run into traffic than ever feel that again.
so it's either true that every single person who reports severe pain is exaggerating. or it's true that it's far more likely you will experience pain, rather than "just a pinch." and yet - there's nothing fucking been done about it. it kind of feels like a shrug is layered on top of everything - since technically it's elective, isn't it kind of your fault for agreeing to select it? stop being fearmongering. stop being defensive.
you fucking needed yours. you are almost weirdly protective of it. yours was so important for your physical and mental health. it helped you off hormonal birth control and even started helping some of your symptoms. it still fucking hurt for no fucking reason.
once while recovering from surgery, they offered you like 15 days of vicodin. you only took 2 of them. you've been offered oxy for tonsillitis. you turned down opioids while recovering from your wisdom tooth extraction. everything else has the option. you fucking drove yourself home after it, shocked and quietly weeping, feeling like something very bad had just happened. the nurse that held your hand during the experience looked down at you, tears in her eyes, and said - i know. this is cruelty in action.
and it's fucked up because the conversation is never just "hey, so the way we are doing this is fucking barbaric and doctors should be required to offer serious pain meds" - it's usually something around the lines of "well, it didn't kill you, did it?"
you just found out that removing that little bitch will hurt just as bad. a little pinch like how oral contraceptives have "some" serious symptoms. like your life and pain are expendable or not really important. like maybe we are all hysterical about it?
hysteria comes from the latin word for uterus, which is great!
you stand here at a crossroads. like - this thing is so important. did they really have to make it so fucking dangerous. and why is it that if you make a complaint, you're told - i didn't even want you to have this in the first place. we're told be careful what you wish for. we're told that it's our fault for wanting something so illict; we could simply choose not to need medication. that maybe if we don't like the scraps, we should get ready to starve.
we have been saying for so long - "i'm not asking you to remove the option, i'm asking you to reconsider the risk." this entire time we hear: well, this is what you wanted, isn't it?
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text transcribed under readmore
SMALL DOG SYNDROME
small dog you’re so funny when you snap
small dog you’re so funny when you shake
small dog you’re so bad when you bark
small dog you never learned the rules
small dog lays flat on the floor
and sighs and whines
while it waits for you to come back from wherever you go
all day small dog doesn’t know if you’re coming home
small dog hides under the bed to puke
does it quiet
eats its shame before you ever smell it
small dog’s bark is worse than its bite
small dog you are so funny when you bite
small dog it’s so funny when you’re mad
so by all means pick it up
throw it around
lock it in a cage while you laugh
small dog you are so funny when you cry
small dog can’t remember being a wolf
can’t remember being big
howling in harpstring harmony
like a plucked and quivering note in a catacomb
sleeping in a warm pile of bodies in a dry place that smells like family
the taste of fresh hot blood and wet bone
iron
fire
honey
salt
small dog run free beneath the moon in your dreams
small dog is so happy you’re home!!
small dog loves you!!!
JMGD
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the thing i feel people don't really take enough into account when it comes to arthur's supposed obliviousness regarding merlin's magic is that merlin is the absolute opposite of what arthur has been raised to believe sorcerers to be. merlin is clumsy and kind and - in the earlier seasons - like walking sunshine. he so obviously has negative desire for actual power, nor any respect for it, and while arthur absolutely knows that merlin isn't stupid, he 100% is an idiot.
and it's not stupid or ignorant on his part! people just do this, whenever they are taught someone who does or believes a certain thing is inherently evil! it's never the friendly guy next door who snacks half of your breakfast and then just grins when you complain, obviously not! arthur trusts merlin even early on, and beyond belief later on. of course merlin can basically do magic in front of him, because there is no part of arthur that actually thinks someone like merlin could have magic. you don't see what you're 100% convinced can't be there. if he ever got there, his already brittle construct of indoctrination and supposed repeated confirmation of said construct would crumble immediately! as it does in dotd after like, a day. it only doesn't in regards to morgana because as far as arthur is concerned, the moment she started using magic she became the cold and ruthless enemy he still couldn't bring himself to actually pursue! like.
it's very easy to think it's startingly oblivious, but one thing i really wish people would keep in mind a little more is that the viewer watches from a different point of view, and operates with a whole other set of information. that arthur operates under a certain worldview in an environment that does not teach to question it at all, and gives little opportunity to do so. it's actually wild arthur questions uther's teachings as often as he does, and considering that every time he does, they, to his knowledge, just get confirmed again (nimueh, morgause, morgana, uther's death, and so on and so forth), it's even wilder that he keeps doing it
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no, you know what? i don’t want to be nice to people who treat fic writers like content creators.
it’s not fucking normal to leave ‘reviews’ for fanfiction - that’s an insane and unkind thing to do. i have been reading fic on lj, ff.net, ao3 and tumblr for longer than some of y’all have been alive and i’m telling you that i have never seen people act like this.
the concept of “content” has rotted y’all’s brains to the point that you don’t see us as human, like we’re just robots who exist to entertain you.
we’re people - just like y’all - who have jobs and families and whole lives outside of writing fic and honestly, it only takes one rude comment/bookmark/message to completely zap the words right outta me and i know i’m not the only writer who feels that way.
if you don’t like something about a fan work, whether it’s fic or art or whatever - keep it to your damn self. complain in private to friends if you have to but the damage you’re doing to writers and artists by talking about it publicly - when nobody fucking asked - is astronomical, and hard to come back from.
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. . . SAVE A HORSE, GO ON A RIDE WITH THE COWBOY! featuring boothill!
notes! . . . y'know the phrase, “save a horse, ride the cowboy”? well, I decided to-do something about it with boothill... except it's sfw and more like “save a horse, ride with the cowboy” cuz i dont do nsfw here >:/. god give me acceptance for how boothill is so ooc here- 😭😭 idnk how to write his character properly, and does he even have a horse?? I don't remember seeing a horse when his character and banner got leaked, so let's just pretend he does have one for the sake of K'hailreigh for this plot. 💀
imagine returning the horse boothill had been searching for all day after it got the chance to escape through the tall fences the moment they were opened, his eyes widen at the sight of his companion with you guiding alongside it. normally, his horse wouldn't follow after someone else's orders other than him... and it behaves pretty feisty and rough with people who isn't him.
boothill is relieved to see that his trusty horse hadn't been injured, briefly thanking you as he goes over to fuss over his stallion. you can't help your gaze wandering and examining his figure, in awe of the metallic and cyborg parts of the cowboy in front of you. sure you might've seen people having artificial and metal parts attached to them, but this man right here just plainly looks like a robot if it weren't for his humanly head.
boothill notices you eyeing every inch of him, glancing from the lasso that hangs at his hips to the pistols to his arms and to his legs. he glares a wolfishly smile at you, baring the shark-like teeth that you gaze in short surprise at, and asks in a teasingly tone, “like what you see, darlin'?”, observing how you blink owlishly at him. but then, he's becomes sort of surprised when you nod your head and confirm that—yes, you like his appearance and how the color scheme matches altogether, while indirectly commenting how he's a good-looking cowboy.
boothill, after his turn of blinking at you, grins and narrows his eyes with an intrigued look in them; amused by you and how you don't seem in the slightest.. nervous or terrified in his presence. you perked the cyborg's interest.
finishing the small talk with the man, you mention that you'll be needing to go somewhere for an errand and boothill takes the opportunity to offer a ride there on his horse—as a thanks for retrieving his horse, taking in your surprised expression with a grin as he ends the sentence with a “darlin'”. he insists, even if you refuse, so you decide that it'll be quicker to go in a horse ride with the cowboy than rather walking by foot as you were given no other choice.
with boothill's assistance, you were boosted onto the horse and instructed by him to hold on as he looks back at you, flashing a toothy grin and a finger tilting his hat just slightly for a short moment before you and him rode off towards where you were needed to be at with his horse. startled by the increasing speed his horse was going, you instinctively grasp onto the cyborg cowboy's built body in order to not fall off during the ride accidentally—boothill grins at your expression, his laughter going with the wind, “better hol' on tight for now, sweetheart. this'll be a rough ride! i'll get ya to where yer headin' in no time!”
© thedemises 2024. all rights reserved. please do not repost, copy, or claim as your own. ━━ word count: 508.
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