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ru1-png · 2 years

Note

CAN YOU MAKE A WXS FANFIC WELL SPECIFICALLY RUIKASA??? just a teeny little request hehehe

"All These Stars In the Sky, Yet You're My Biggest One"

Request ! Here you go<3

(IM SO SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG TO POST I HAD A BIT OF WRITERS BLOCK FOR A FEW WEEKS THEN I WENT ON VACATION)

Content Description !

Ruikasa { Rui Kamishiro x Tsukasa Tenma }

|| Established Ruikasa ||

Genre: Fluff

To Set Up The Scene ! : The sun sets the same as usual on one of these oh so normal days. After packing up after a big show, the members of WonderlandsXShowtime wish their farewells to each other and begin walking in their respective directions back home. Ever since Rui and Tsukasa got together, Tsukasa would often tagged along with Rui and Nene as they made their usual walk home. Today though, Nene couldn’t make it due to being under the weather. On top of the commute home being just the two lovers, Rui invited Tsukasa over to his house for the night, they often liked sleeping over at each others houses. Being able to have that special time together couldn’t help but make them smile and turn their faces a shade of rosy pink.

Warnings: None <3

WORD COUNT : 1814

Enjoy~

Butterflies would always flutter in Tsukasa’s stomach as he walked with Rui, it would be even more bittersweet when they would begin holding hands. The purple haired boy would always give a slight grin whenever he could tell Tsukasa’s hand was shaking from sheer excitement when he gripped onto his hand. With the changing seasons, the small cherry blossoms began to fall from the tree branches as winter rolled into spring, the sun setting into the evenings grasp only enhanced how pretty it already looked. The pink petals would occasionally glide down onto the top of Tsukasa’s head, which prompted Rui to shake the tiny petals out of his boyfriends soft blonde hair.

Suddenly, Rui turned towards Tsukasa, “For once, it shocks me that I haven’t been able to come up with a cohesive idea for this times show... something about the stars...” Rui held his hand over his mouth trying to think of any ideas that could pop up into his oh so active mind. Occasionally Rui, WonderlandsXShowtime’s stage director would end up coming up with an executing so many different, unique ideas that he would shockingly be stumped for the next shows premise.

Tsukasa was able to notice his boyfriend spacing out once again, they were coming up to a crosswalk on their route home, so to get his attention, he quickly squeezed Rui’s hand. “Hey, now’s not the time to space out! If we wanna make this show as mystifying as it always is, we can both think of that together when we get to your house. I’m sure I could come up with some great ideas, come on!” Tsukasa pitched in, usually Tsukasa would give Rui full control over the story premise and effects for the shows. He would end up impressed by the stories, though scared by the new stunts that would be suggested, he enjoyed Rui’s stories, so he want to help however he could with coming up with a story.

Rui finally snapped out of his trance just as they crossed one of the cities busy streets, appreciating Tsukasa’s offer, he nodded happily “Well sure, a little help might just go a long way. Please do know though I’ll still be planning all the stunts~” His face contorted into a smirk as he reached the final half of that sentence. Tsukasa could do nothing more other than give a slight sigh and chuckle as he fell mercy to his boyfriends show stunts. “I am pretty curious what you’ll have in mind for stunts for this one seeing as it’s space themed... wait..” Tsukasa turned towards his taller lover, “You better not send me that high into the sky, I’d like to not literally go into space”.

Rui simply chuckled, “I wouldn’t dare send you to space if I couldn’t be there with you, building two rockets would be quite the exhausting process.” This comment caused the shorter boy to blush, he quickly turned his head away shyly, which only made the other blush back in response. The two lovers proceeded to have chatter about random things about their day as they continued on their way.

A few minutes later, they had arrived, quickly heading up to Rui's room. As always, it was a cluttered mess, little trinkets and gadgets covering the floor. Blueprints covering every wall if they weren't on the ground, or a little piece of cute balloon art. Rui's room always gave off the same vivacious, yet chaotic energy every time Tsukasa would walk into it. But something about it felt so nice, so familiar, Tsukasa didn't mind being in there, as long as Rui was there, he'd be fine with being in just about any place.

"I seem to have gotten carried away again and left a mess, my apologies Tsukasa. I remember before I was thinking of building a robot with the ability to clean up but, I might have lost the blueprints." Rui chuckled as he went to the corner and placed all his tiny trinkets to the side, patting a space on a daybed he recently had put in there.

It was obvious every time Tsukasa came over that the two couldn't just be sitting on the junk littered floor with nowhere comfortable to sit. Rui was often so used to dozing off at his desk while planning up some new idea for a show or an invention that he never thought about what to do when guests came over. So, he decided to get a comfy daybed for the room, perfectly soft and comfortable for people to relax on.

"Oh, I don't mind the mess. Just... don't get too mad if I accidentally step on something like last time!" Tsukasa returned the laugh and he plopped down on the bed, looking up at the window above. The sun even more blanketed in blue hues as it set even more, the ever so tiny sun rays hit the blonde haired boys face. Rui then began putting his stuff on the ground, but suddenly his eyes lit up.

"Hey Tsukasa, would you like some hot chocolate?"

“What…?”

Tsukasa simply looked at him with a confused look.

"Rui... its the beginning of spring, where do they even sell that around now" Even if Tsukasa were to receive an answer to that question, it would make no sense to drink something meant to warm someone up during such a season.

"Well then, allow me to explain" The purple haired boy begins to give his signature laugh and he prepares his explanation. "Since the small shop near here seemed to have not sold much of their hot chocolate packets due to a much warmer winter we had this year, a huge sale happened. The sweet marshmallows complimenting the delicious drink, I couldn't help but be at awe at the mere thought of it~! So, I bought some, I'd love to try some with you!" Tsukasa got quite concerned at his boyfriends reasoning, but chose to play along and nod in agreement. "Sure.. I suppose it couldn't hurt to try some! Just.. don't make mine too hot please, how could we ever perform for people if I was suffering from heatstroke!"

Rui nearly skipped as he went back downstairs to the kitchen, instructing Tsukasa to wait there for him as he got their sweet treats. As he sat there, Tsukasa began kicked his legs forward and back in a pendulum like motion, humming a song from one of their newest shows to himself. As he got lost in the small motions he did, the blonde haired boy began to daydream about the next performance.

"How to connect it to the stars.." He would think to himself. He didn't want to suggest an idea that was overused, it was always easy for Rui or Tsukasa to come up with a new original idea, but they seemed to have been stumped any time they considered it this time. "Dates" would often be considered things like these, seeing as after the two became official, they seemed much more in sync. Knowing each other's thoughts, feelings, and ideas yet still having a teasing attitude towards each other. Knowing this they were both able to cultivate audiences with the groups shows.

As Tsukasa continued to think, the door suddenly opened and Rui walked in, tray filled with two plain white mugs filled with some of the best looking hot chocolate Tsukasa had ever seen. The warm brown appearance looked as though the perfect amount of milk was added, tiny marshmallows floating around the small drink. He could obviously tell which drink was Rui's due to the excessive amount of marshmallows, it couldn't help but make Tsukasa laugh.

"Are you trying to drink the drink or just eat the marshmallows?!"

Rui laughed in response as he handed Tsukasa his mug, not too warm yet, not too cold either. The perfect mix to avoid raising body temperatures too much during such warm weather.

Rui then set the tray down on his desk, grabbed his drink, and placed himself right next to Tsukasa. As he did, the blonde haired boy turned his head towards his partner, a tad bit flustered that he’d even sit this close to him. It still makes his heart skip when they hold hands, as thoughts rush through Tsukasa’s head, he brushed a small tuft of hair away from Rui’s golden yellow eyes. He becomes almost entrances by the slight pink hues in them as he does so.

It’s obvious Tsukasa had to have been blushing or else Rui wouldn’t have done the same in response. Toned down dates like these really gave them both the time to just appreciate each other. Once Tsukasa realized he was caught with a blushing face tinted pink, he quickly jolted his head away and looked out the window once more, sipping the hot cocoa and collecting his thoughts.

The blonde haired boy was finally able to muster up some words. "Hey, I don't think I ever paid attention to the sunset like this before.. it's cool but, not as cool as me of course! One day I'm going to be a star like one of those in the sky, but even better!" Tsukasa's eyes always lit up when he spoke about his plans for stardom, even the smallest thing can have him break into a speech about it, always making Rui smirk in response.

But, not only was a smirk plastered on Rui’s face, but his eyes seemed to light up. As if some gears in his head began suddenly turning at full speed, he simply smile to himself as he seemed to register the thought. He then turned to Tsukasa,

“Hey, I think I have a nice line for the next show. We seem to have been going very fast paced. Though I do tend to prefer high action, I think we can go with something slower this time to put more impact into the effects!”

Tsukasa turned his head as one of his eyebrows raised, “And what line did you have in mind for that?”

The sun was almost completely gone at this point, the stars in the sky illuminate the room through the window and can be seen reflecting in the two boys irises.

“All these stars in the sky” he turned towards his blonde lover, “Yet you’re my greatest one.”

The smile Rui gave after sent Tsukasa higher than any planets or stars could be, he couldn’t hide him blushing anymore at this point. Maybe internally he was screaming so loud because all that Rui could hear from him were inaudible muffles.

“Rui I-“

The purple haired boys lips suddenly met Tsukasa’s own, cups still in hand, stars still out. Knowing Rui would be somewhere on this huge, crazy planet, Tsukasa knew he has someone to be the biggest star possible for. Always there to shine brightly for him, to comfort him, but most of all, to love him.

#pjsk #pjsekai #project sekai #hatsune miku colorful stage #ruikasa #fluff #rui kamishiro #kamishiro rui #tsukasa tenma #tenma tsukasa #wxs #wxs miku #wonderlands x showtime #gay men #homosexuals

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mellowyandere · 3 years

Text

SCP Academia Eraserhead Part 3

Reader: F

Characters: Aizawa Shouta

Summary: You’ve been stuck in the stuffy cabin with no one but “Shouta” to keep you company. He won’t even tell you what day it is. November is quickly approaching...

Length: 3K

Warning: non-con, yandere themes, size kink, bondage, vaginal fingering, oral sex, vaginal sex, praise kink, breeding kink

When you first woke up you were completely thrown off by your new environment. You had been in the bowls of the SCP foundation for years, only occasionally venturing outside to gather intel on potential new SCP’s. Your new home was a small cabin of sorts. One bedroom and one bathroom, with just enough space left over for the kitchen and living room. The house was run by a generator outside, which your oh so gracious host made sure you never got to see.

He had insisted you call him by his “human” name Shouta. As to why he never mentioned it before? “No one but you deserved to know it,” he had huffed out, as if it was obvious.

Shouta was incredibly stingy with information, no matter how much you questioned him. What happened to the foundation? Where did he bring you? Why did he bring you here, better yet how? Each question was met with a shrug of his shoulders or a mumbled “that doesn’t matter now.”

You had given up a couple weeks ago, the man had no intention of letting you get a solid grasp of anything. Especially the date. The foundation breach had occurred sometime in mid September, leaving only a month and a half before November. He was purposefully hiding the information from you like the stingy bastard he was.

Stingy bastard wasn't exactly fair though. He had been nothing but polite, trying his best to give you things he’d think you’d enjoy and providing for you in ways that surprised you. For example, the man was a phenomenal cook, which looking back explains his utter disdain for any food he had been served at the foundation.

The main issue was his need to touch you. Pulling you into his lap to engulf you in his long muscular limbs and tendrils, or coming up behind you and placing his large hands on your hips. You were not accustomed to the contact and not very keen on it either. You threw an absolute shit fit when he tried to bathe you, and he, to his credit, let you be. He might have sat on the couch pouting for a couple hours, but eventually got over himself.

The longer you were stuck with him, the touchier he seemed to get. You dodged him the best you could but finally he had had enough. You normally opted to sleep on the couch, not wanting to share the only bed with him. It was one of many small acts of defiance at your limited disposal. As night fell you crawled onto your makeshift bed, only to be pulled up over the back of the couch by two strong arms.

“Hey! What gives!”

“I tried to ease you into this but you’re being rather stubborn. From now on you sleep with me.” Shouta didn’t want to push his affection on you too much, hoping you’d come around and open up to him. But time was running out and he needed to make sure he didn’t snap when November finally came.

“Maybe if you’d answer my questions I’d humor you more!” You felt like you were going insane stuck in here. Was this what he used to feel like trapped in the foundation? No. He had had it one hundred times worse than you, but hardly ever complained.

You squirmed and wriggled in his grip. He growled lowly in his throat, the vibrations rumbling through his chest. You stilled in his arms. With long strides it only took a few steps before he plopped you down on the large sturdy bed.

“Stay.” You rolled your eyes. He was a man of few words. But you remained, he’d just drag you in here again if you got up. Even though he had been nothing but patient, you felt as if you were reaching the end of his limits.

-----------

The days spent with Shouta were rather boring. You’d read books to pass the time, or stare longingly out the window. He was never much of a conversationist, but now only seemed willing to talk if you’d make physical contact with him. All in all, the house was too damn quiet.

Thankfully nights spent in his bed were relatively uneventful. He’d try to slowly pull you closer to him but you’d snap and he’d begrudgingly relent. Though that didn’t change the fact that you’d wake up smothered in his embrace, but you’d just wriggle out again.

As days continue to pass his fuse was getting shorter and shorter, you could feel the shift in his demeanor. Low growls at your attempts to distance yourself. Sharps eyes never leaving you. He was always one step behind you, personal space no longer an option.

------------

You woke up groggy. Why was it so hot? You tried to move but found yourself immobile. You... you couldn't open you eyes?! No wait... yes you could. But a blindfold of sorts kept you from seeing anything. It was warm, just like the bindings on your body. Tendrils. He had you completely wrapped up in his tendrils. You were laying flat on your back, arms bound above your head.

Then you heard him. Low deep pants. His hot breath fanned against your neck, his nose brushed under your chin.

“Sho-Shouta?” At the sound of his name he groaned into the soft flesh of your neck. He tried so hard to resist touching you, he really had. But with the month of November upon him he had run out of control.

His large body was on top of you, though he supported himself as to not crush you. “My sweet little stubborn human” he cooed into your neck. “I'm going to take such good care of you...” he almost sounded a bit delirious?

His tongue darted out, hot and wet against your flesh.

“Wait! Hold on, stop! Shouta pl-please cut it out!” You began to struggle, his tendrils gently sliding over your exposed form. When did he take your clothes off?

“Y/N..” he growled out.

“Please.. let me at least see.” You needed to try and gain some control back. This situation wasn't looking good. Shouta was deadly when November came. You weren’t sure what this was right now, but you needed to get some control over him before he tried to kill you.

The creature obliged your request. Blood red predatory eyes pierced your own as soon as you had adjusted to the dark. His long black hair lazily defied gravity. He seemed larger, if that was even possible. His deathly pale torso had tendrils jutting out in all different directions, some aimlessly whipping through the air, but most were wrapped snuggly around your body.

Looking further down you realized you weren’t the only person completely naked. His bare hips were pressed flat to the bed between your own as he slowly rutted against the sheets. Due to your restraints you couldn’t really see much else.

Leaning down he placed his lips on your neck, softly sucking and nipping at your flesh.

“So beautiful.. so perfect” he whispered. He began to move down your body, soft lips leaving your skin with goosebumps. He paused at your breasts, one of his large hands coming up to play with your right breast while his mouth claimed your left nipple. His tongue made quick work of hardening your sensitive bud. His teeth came out and gently bit down, causing you to whimper.

You couldn’t give into his ministrations, it would only encourage him. “Shouta please, you have to stop! What if you hurt me?” His mouth released from your breast, his lust filled eyes lazily looking up at you as his tongue continued to circle your nipple. With a sigh he pulled away.

“I would never hurt you my precious little human.”

His free hand drew slow circles onto the outside of your thigh. Continuing his journey downwards he licked and nipped your skin until finally settling between your trembling thighs. He wasn't paying your worry any mind as he took his time drinking your body in. He had been such a good mate, had been so patient. Surely you’d understand...

His tongue darted out experimentally, gently lapping at your folds. You bit back a groan as he hummed in satisfaction, face nestling further into your legs for better access as he used his tendrils to move your legs over his shoulder. His stubble was coarse against your inner thighs. More tendrils came out to ensure your breasts were not forgotten. You bit back a moan as they continued where his hand and mouth had left off.

He greedily began to devour you, inhumanly long tongue delving deep inside you as he groaned, sending vibrations through your cunt. Pulling his tongue out he moved up a bit to gently wrap his lips around your clit. With his tendrils covering your body he could feel your every twitch in response to his ministrations. He wanted to make you fall apart beneath him.

“Sho-ah-Shouta please! Don’t do th-” you were cut off mid sentence. One of his tendrils found their way to your mouth, pushing its way inside your wet cavern and essentially gagging you. You clamped down hard, which only caused the creature on top of you to shudder in ecstasy. He could make them quite sensitive after all.

You tried to relax, nothing you did seemed to deter him. Maybe not responding would cause him to lose interest? You tried to remain still, until you felt his finger gently prodding at your entrance. You began to squirm with renewed vigor, your pleas muffled by his tendrils.

“Such an impatient little human. I know what you want but I need to get you ready first or else I might hurt you.”

Slowly he began to pump his finger into your tight hole. His saliva acted as a good starting lubricant, your own juices beginning to aid when that wasn’t enough. Shit, why did he have to be so fucking good at this?! He worked his digit in further and further, your walls clenching down eagerly, until finally he was knuckle deep.

Continuing to work your sensitive clit with his expert mouth, he pulled his finger out and gently began to add another. Two fingers pushed in, just as excruciatingly slow as the first time. Gentle pumps of his hand worked to allow your small human body to compensate for his larger form.

You couldn't help but rut your hips forward as your mind began to fog with pleasure. It shouldn't feel this good, he wasn't even doing that much! You needed to stop him, needed to stop reacting to him.

And yet you found your walls desperately clamping down on his fingers as he slowly drug them out. His methodical pattern continued for awhile until he changed his approach. Expert fingers began to probe with a purpose as he hunted for just the right spot. It didn’t take him long.

You moaned into his tendrils, back arching as he finally found what he had been looking for. With renewed vigor he used his fingers to attack, while his mouth continued its assault on your bundle of nerves.

If he continued at this pace you wouldn't last much longer. Your legs trembled, thighs tightening against his head. Your walls began to flutter around his fingers, your mewls and moans were still muffled, but they sent delicious tingles running down his spine.

No you couldn't you had to stop! But you had no choice. The combination of his devilish mouth and pinpoint accurate fingers were too much. You closed your eyes as your orgasm washed over you. He continued to pump his fingers in and out, but pulled back to watch the bliss wash over your face.

“Such a good girl, so beautiful,” he cooed as you came undone. Just as he had planned. He pulled his tendril from your mouth and watched as you panted, still trying to gain control of yourself. Unfortunately for you, he wasn't about to let that happen.

After wiping off his mouth with the back of his hand he leaned up and captured your mouth in his own. You could still taste yourself on his tongue. You had come down from your high after your orgasm and resumed your pathetic struggling, surely he had had his fill?

His hands planted firmly on your hips as he pulled away from you, lips leaving a small trail of saliva as he loomed over you. He pulled your body up off the bed with his tendrils, maneuvering you so your legs were wrapped around his waist.

“Be a good girl for me and relax, I don’t want this to be painful for you.”

With that he slowly began to move you down until finally you felt the tip of his cock pressing against your outer folds. He had you oddly suspended in his embrace, leaving you no where to retreat to as he rubbed the large head against your wet core.

All of his focus right now was staring down at where his cock was teasing you. He was inhumanly large, and just dipping the tip in made it obvious enough. This was going to be a tight fit.

“Shouta please, it won’t fit you’re too big.” His eyes looked up into your own, the fear in them registered somewhere deep within his brain, but the need to stuff you full of his seed overpowered his ability to stop himself.

He began to push his length inside, even more slowly than his fingers. He owed you this bare minimum level of self control, the idea of hurting you keeping him in check.

You whimpered as he continued, there was no reaching him. You’d be better following his advice and trying to relax to accommodate his sheer girth. But fuck did it sting. The methodical pumping of his hips pushing his monstrous cock deeper and deeper.

One of his hands opted to leave your hip in order to begin softly circling your puffy clit. It helped to soothe the burn of your stretching walls, slick beginning to build as your body attempted to help you. After what felt like an eternity he finally bottomed out inside you.

“Shit you’re so fucking tight, you feel so good.”

He remained there for a moment, sweat rolling down his body as he tried to control himself. Just then your tight little cunt experimentally squeezed against him and his restraint shattered.

He began to pull out, groaning above your head. He got about halfway out before pushing back in. This continued, each outward drag was met with a faster and more desperate thrust back in. At first it had stung, tears pricking your eyes as your bit your lip to keep from whining. You had never felt so full before.

But as you grew accustomed to his size something hot began to stir in your abdomen. You were enjoying it. The more you relaxed into him the more pleasure you began to feel. Until finally, you were back to where you had been when he had worked you into your first orgasm.

Your brain was too clouded with pleasure to bother holding back noises of satisfaction, and the heat in your gut only grew when Shouta moaned and huffed in your ear. His deep rumbles poured over you and soon he had abandoned his slow pace in favor of a much faster one.

His long cock would pull all the way out before slamming back in, a rogue tendril had replaced his hand to work on your clit while his newly freed hands greedily grabbed at you.

Finally one hand decided on grasping your hair, pulling your head back so he could slam his mouth against yours in a sloppy kiss. His tendrils allowed for your body to bounce against his as he pistoned his hips into you.

His tongue was in your mouth as he swallowed your moans. His appendage fought with yours for dominance before exploring everything it could reach. This was all too much, you were getting close again.

You could feel your walls beginning to flutter at your impending climax, and Shouta could feel it too. He increased his pace, hips stuttering as he began to try and reach his own release. He pulled away from your kiss and removed you from his tendrils, firmly planting you back on the mattress. His free hands intertwining his fingers with your own above your head as he continued to rock into you.

He kept his tendrils on your legs in order to keep them wrapped around his waist, groaning as he felt you reach for orgasm first. You head was thrown back, mouth open in a silent o as you finished for the second time that night. The feeling of cumming on his cock was beyond imaginable and your body shuddered beneath him.

You were perfect, overwhelming all of his senses in ecstasy as your tight cunt clamped down on him. He couldn't hold out any longer. His hips stilled as you began to milk his cock, hot thick ropes of cum painting your insides. You were too tired to protest, your small body slumped below him as you took his seed like the good little mate you were.

A wave of exhaustion began to cloud his mind as he came down from his high. Slowly he began to pull out, heart clenching as you whimpered. You were too damn cute.

Before any of his seed could spill out he used a tendril to plug your hole. Rolling over to your side he maneuvered you so your head was tucked under his own, his arm pressing you into his chest.

“You did such a good job, if we keep this up you could take my seed before the month is up.” He planted a kiss against your forehead. You grumbled incoherently in response, too exhausted to process the implications of what he had just said.

November, the month when he went feral, was the month he was feral for his mate. Desperate to fuck his seed into his one and only. All others were obstacles in his way that didn't deserve to live. November 1st had only just begun. You were in for a long month.

#yandere shouta aizawa #yandere aizawa #aizawa x reader #aizawa x you #scp academia #yandere x reader #aizawa shouta x reader #bnha aizawa

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kiingocreative · 3 years

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Ready to edit, format, or publish your book? We offer editing and coaching services! Send a DM or go to https://kiingo.co/services

I’ll be honest with you, I never used to think much of writing exercises. The slightly embarrassing (and possibly shamefully arrogant) truth is that I always thought I didn’t need them. It felt to me that the day I’d need writing exercises would be the day where my creative flair dried up.

Since I’ve started looking at writing less as a hobby and more as a professional endeavour, my view on the matter has changed. If I werein any other profession, I wouldn’t think twice about undertaking regular training to maintain, improve orchallenge my skills, so why would it be any different with writing?

If you’re still unconvinced about the value of trying some of these exercises out, I’ve recently written a piece about the benefits of journalingwhich is highly relevant to what comes next in this article. I was never a big journaling advocate before, but just like with writing exercises, I’ve definitely changed my tune.

You Won’t Know Till You Try.

My view on the topic actually shifted when I took part in a Flash Fiction Battle hosted by Michael R. Kiel. The way it worked was that every participating writer was given a photo prompt and a word count, and we all had to write within those guidelines. There was no prize or anything involved, it was all for the pure pleasure of trying something new.

It was odd at first, but I found it incredibly satisfying and rewarding. One because it was exciting to do something a little different than usual, and second because it felt good to work on a shorter piece that was miles away from what my work in progress was at the time. If you’re interested, you can find my entry here: The Silver Assassin.

The great thing with writing exercises if that they put you face to face with different types or styles of writing. They make you try things out which you wouldn’t generally consider, or that don’t necessarily come naturally to you. And that’s what teaches you to adapt and grow, and look at your writing under different angles, through different lenses and, often, help make your other works in progress better than they might otherwise have been.

4 Writing Exercises Worthy Of Your Attention.

Below are 4 exercises I’ve tried out which I’ve found particularly interesting or useful. You’ll notice that they’re all in essence doing the same thing—they’re making you approach writing from a different angle and give you prompts to start writing in a different way than you normally would. They simply come in slightly different formats, and trying them all will work on strengthening your adaptability muscles.

Photo, Word or Sentence Prompts.

Photo, word and sentence prompts are, as the name suggests, when you’re given one word, one sentence or one picture and you use what it inspires in you to write.

How it works:

1. For this one I tend to prefer finding words, sentences or images suggested by others, as opposed to picking my own word, sentence or image. The value of doing it that way is that it forces you to step out of your comfort zone, because it’s more likely to be something you wouldn’t have normally gone for yourself.

2. You can find these fairly easily on Instagram for instance, or by Googling ‘Writing Word Prompt’, ‘Writing Sentence Prompt’ or ‘Writing Photo Prompt’

3. Once you have your prompt, take a good look at it if it’s a picture, or have a good think about it if it’s a word or a sentence, and write whatever it inspires.

4. You can make it as structured or free-flowing as you like and it can end up being a paragraph, a short-story or a full-on novel.

5. If you wanted, you could set yourself a target or maximum word count. You may set a timer and write as much as you can within that time. You can also assign yourself a genre (fiction or non-fiction, prose or poetry etc.)

Flash Fiction.

Flash Fiction involves writing very short pieces (some of them as short as six-word long referred to as nano-pieces) based on a prompt (this can be anything: an image, a word, asentence, a general theme) and a set of rules, which will depend onthe type of Flash Fiction you’re writing.

If you want to learn more, Michael R. Kiel wrote a great piece about what Flash Fiction is, which is so well worded I won’t bother to paraphrase it.

How it works:

1. When it comes to Flash Fiction I’d definitely recommend looking for people hosting a battle. This keeps you accountable, but also has an added sense of fun because you get to see what all other people come up with when starting out with similar constraints.

2. You can find these fairly easily on Instagram for instance, or by Googling ‘Flash Fiction Battle’

3. Once you have your prompt and are assigned a Flash Fiction type, all you need to do is start writing!

4. Optional—Because Flash Fiction still needs to include a full plot from start to finish, it’s a great challenge for those of us who are used to writing much longer pieces. As an add-on, I’d definitely recommend journaling (on paper or at least in your head) on your Flash Fiction experience, what it brought up for you and how you think it impacted your writing.

People Watching.

This is one of my personal favourites, and one I use A LOT, because I really enjoy people-watching (in a very non-creepy kind of way, I can assure you!)

How it works:

Find yourself a spot where you’re surrounded by people. It doesn’t have to be a huge crowd, but it only works if you’re not on your own (obviously). It also works better if the people around you are strangers, but that’s not a problem if they aren’t.

Take a moment to observe every person you can see (again, in the most natural, non-creepy way you can manage). Then write what you imagine that person’s story to be. It can be a little or a lot, that’s up to you! For instance:

1. Who are they?

2. Where do they come from? And where are they going?

3. Why are they here in this place you’re observing them?

4. Who are the people they’re with and what’s their relationship to them?

5. If they’re alone, why are they sitting there alone?

6. What is their personality and character?

7. You can also practice writing up what they look like and what the setting around them is—that’s a great way to practice writing description.

8. What’s their past? What would their childhood have been like?

9. What would be their greatest struggle?

10. And so on and so forth.

Journaling Variation: Mindless Writing.

This is another form of writing exercise I do a lot. In fact I have about a hundred millions notes on my phone (barely exaggerating here) with all my mindless writing.

I should state here that I’ve kind of made up the term ‘Mindless Writing’, because that’s how I refer to it in my head. I haven’t checked whether that’s a legit thing or not, but it’s definitely somewhere on the journaling spectrum.

By mindless writing I refer to a form of informal journaling that’s completely unstructured and disorganised. Writing that has no point, no purpose, no planned outcome other than to exist for a few moments on the page. The sort of stream of consciousness writing that you do when something feels like it needs to come out.

How it works:

1. I’d recommend having a medium you use only for your Mindless Writing. A diary, a notebook or, in my case, a string of messy notes one your phone. Whatever you pick, it should be something that’s easily accessible wherever you go, because you may get the urge to note things down at any time.

2. Start writing without worrying about having a beginning or an end.

3. Take the first thought that’s going through your mind and roll with it. You can expand on each thought or move onto the next swiftly.

4. Don’t lift the pen off the page, or your fingers off the screen. Keep writing without any thought for style, grammar or typos.

5. I don’t normally set a timer for this type of writing, I tend to write until I feel satiated—until I have nothing else that comes up—but you can make your own rules here.

The More the Merrier.

The main reason why I signed up for the Flash Fiction battle I mentioned earlier was that a dear writer friend of mine suggested we do it together. It was great to have someone to hold me accountable for it, and it was a lot of fun sharing that experience with her. Later on, it was fascinating to seeeveryone’s entries and how different everyone’s outputs were when we all had similar prompts and instructions.

If you’re unsure about trying out one of these exercises, or you can’t quite gather the motivation to do it on your own, why not gather up a group of writers and do it all together? You don’t even need for someone to host a battle, you can create your own informal battle. It’s a lot more enjoyable sharing this with others. It gives you a chance to learn from others by seeing how different people handle the exact same prompts. It’s also a great way to build connections and friendships amongst the writer community—friends who write together, stay together!

Beyond the personal growth elements and the social aspect of it, it does a few other things on the practical front too: like I’ve said, having others doing it alongside you keeps you accountable. It’s a way to MAKE yourself do it and prevent you from bailing out. It’s also great content to be posting about on Social Media and grow your profile and your reach.

So, tell me. With so much to be gained… Why wouldn’t you give it a try?

#writingtips #screenwriting #creative writing #writers on tumblr #writers #writing #writerblr #writing advice #writing community #writing resources

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existslikepristin · 3 years

Text

A Two-on-One Match

Part 2 of 3 of the OC Jung Hyunjin's arc. A request from Rex [of the ever-changing name] I recommend starting with A Quick Fix to follow the plot if you haven't read it already.

Tags: TheLounge, Gfriend, Eunha, SinB, male OC Jung Hyunjin, "oh hey I know you", one dom one sub one clueless boxer, some butt stuff, request

~~~~~

The bell rang to announce Yuta’s departure. He turned back as he walked through the door and waved. “Thanks Hyunjin! Good to meet you!”

“You too man! Enjoy!” Hyunjin waved back. It was his second week working at The Lounge and he was getting to know quite the wide range of people, and the first day he was working the morning shift, now that he was fully finished with his evening training.

A familiar voice came from behind, just at the entrance to the kitchen. “Nice catch. How’d you know Yuta would like the cinnamon sprinkle?” It was Hyunjin’s new boss, Kim Soomin.

“Wish I could tell you Ms. Kim. Honestly I just guessed.”

Soomin shrugged. “We’ll chalk it up to intuition then. Anyway, it seems like you’ve got things handled up here. I’m going to start up the oven for some brownies. Sungho is going to be here in half an hour, but I’ll be right there if you get rushed, alright?”

“You got it, Ms. Kim.”

Hyunjin wasn’t especially worried, since he didn’t imagine they’d be getting that many more customers in so early in the morning. When Soomin was gone, he leaned back against the perfectly clean counter and pulled out his phone.

Sowon had told him she was an idol, but he still hadn’t bothered to look up her music. It seemed to him that while he was waiting for customers was as good a time as any. He opened up his default browser and tapped in her name. A second later, his phone was flooded with pictures of Sowon in a variety of outfits, generally much fancier than what he usually saw her in. In the sidebar, her real name appeared, as well as the company she worked for and the group she was part of. “Gfriend,” rung a bell in Hyunjin’s head, at least, though he had no clue if he’d actually heard any of their music before. Maybe at a convenient store while he wasn’t paying attention?

He tapped the link to change the search to Gfriend. The images that showed up were far more zoomed out than before. He could pick out Sowon’s face among the six women in each picture, but immediately scrolled down and saw their names. He nodded his head and kept going down the list. Jung Yerin was next. No clue who she was. Then Jung Eunbi, also known as Eunha. That name sounded somehow familiar to him, but he continued to read. Choi Yuna, also known as Yuju…

He was interrupted by the bell ringing. He bounced away from the counter and popped his phone back into his pocket. Looking up, he saw two women had entered. One of them took off to the side toward the lounge chairs right away, but the other one approached the counter. She walked normally at first, but slowed down when she and Hyunjin’s eyes met.

“H-hyunjin?” she asked.

Hyunjin hesitated to respond. He pulled his phone back out and looked at the images still on the screen. “Do you go by Eunha?”

Eunha nodded slowly. “Yeah… Were you in drama club in middle school?”

“I was.”

There was a long pause.

“Holy shit, Hyunjin! It’s been such a long time! When did you start working here?”

Hyunjin laughed. He knew the name was familiar. “Just a couple of weeks ago. I got referred by Sowon.”

Eunha laughed back. “She and I are in a girl group together!”

“I literally just found that out! I was looking you guys up! See?” Hyunjin held out his phone.

“Woah! Yeah! How are you doing these days?”

The two took some time to reminisce and catch up. Despite the initial moment of not recognizing each other, they quickly remembered their connection. They had grown up in the same neighborhood, and recalled a variety of events they had gone to together as children. Eunha was a year above him in school, but had encouraged him to participate in drama. The Lounge continued to stay effectively empty the whole time. Hyunjin told Eunha about how he and Sowon met and how he ended up there, and about how he was training again to fight. Eunha told him about the rest of Gfriend, and how the other woman she entered with was Umji.

To avoid making Umji wait too much longer, Hyunjin took Eunha’s order and got to work. He was all smiles. When he brought their coffee to them, he included a napkin with his phone number on it and invited Eunha to the fight, but couldn’t continue to chat with the other customers that began to pour in, the bell going wild.

* * *

The bell went wild. It was the end of the last round. Hyunjin wiped at his nose with his arm. His opponent backed off and the two bumped their gloves together. Hyunjin wasn’t especially happy with the turnout. It had been far too long since he’d stepped in a ring, and it showed. That wasn’t going to stop him from being a good sport though. He kept a smile on.

Fortunately, the referee still held his arm up in the end. “... by split decision: Jung Hyunjin!”

The crowd cheered. Whether it was for Hyunjin or not, he couldn’t really tell. The crowd wasn’t exactly huge, and the two fighters nobody had heard of (it was only his opponent’s second official match) in a small venue didn’t exactly have a fanbase yet. Hyunjin couldn’t pick any familiar faces out of the crowd either.

His disappointment was quickly abated by who he saw while making his way to the locker room. Dressed in frumpy, nondescript sweatshirts and hats, Eunha and another girl Hyunjin barely recognized from Gfriend’s group pictures as SinB caught him right at the doorway.

“Hey! We were hiding out in the back row. Congrats!”

Hyunjin ran his fingers through his hair. “Thanks. I was rusty though.”

“Rusty? What do you mean? You were great!”

SinB tapped Eunha on the arm. “No, he’s right. They both looked like amateurs.”

Hyunjin grimaced, but before he could say anything, Eunha grabbed him by the arm. “Hey, let’s go in there, where it’s not so noisy! I can barely hear you two!”

She wasn’t wrong. When the door closed behind them, the lack of noise was a relief.

“So yeah,” SinB started, “what I was saying is that he’s right. They loo--”

Eunha silenced her with a strict look. “SinB...” is all she said, and it was all she needed.

SinB averted her eyes and a blush crossed her cheeks. “It’s um… Nice to meet you, Hyunjin. My name’s SinB.”

Hyunjin smirked. “Hey, good meeting you too. Don’t worry about the fight though. I used to be a lot better. I’m just out of practice. I’ll be starting regular training again next week.”

“You really did do great though,” Eunha said, “I mean, you had to, right? You won.”

“Yeah, I guess so. I’m just being critical of myself. But anyway, thanks for coming! I really appreciate the support.”

“Of course! Just think of us as your first fans?” Eunha ended with a questioning tone, but followed up quickly. “Actually, let’s not be fans yet. It’s weird for fans to take you out to dinner.”

“Dinner, huh? I’d like that. I need to get washed up first. Pretty sure I’ve still got some blood in my mouth.”

“Totally, yeah! We’ll just, uh, wait here.”

Hyunjin gave a nod and went to the locker room. He could hear Eunha hushedly giving SinB an earful the whole way.

Undressing was a bit painful. Hyunjin had taken a particularly strong hit to one of his left ribs, and now that he could see the site of the impact, he could already tell it would be bruising. He hoped it wasn’t broken.

As he made his way to the open showers, he could hear Eunha and SinB again. They sounded like they were close to the locker room. There wasn’t a door to block the sound though, so he didn’t think much of it, but he knew something was up when he heard footsteps over the sound of the running water. Nobody else should be on this half of the building except his coach, who he hadn’t even informed of the fight. He quickly covered his dick with his hands and turned to the entrance.

And there was SinB, blushing furiously, looking straight up at the ceiling. “H-hey, Hyunjin. I’m sorry.”

“Um. Well, cool. Apology accepted. But is this really the--”

Hyunjin cut himself off as Eunha brushed past SinB. But unlike SinB, she was completely undressed. She walked toward him, small breasts bouncing with each step, getting soaked as she went directly through the spray of the showers. He started to smile, but noticed and quickly got rid of it. “Eunha, you’re…”

“I’m here to help you get cleaned up,” she finished his sentence for him, though it wasn’t what he was intending to say. “We can get to the restaurant sooner this way, right?”

Eunha grabbed a bar of soap from one of the little shelves along the wall and stopped just short of Hyunjin, who had lost all hope of being able to hide his erection. Not that Eunha seemed to mind, or even pay any attention. But it’s what she said next that made her intentions much, much clearer.

“You and Sowon aren’t exclusive, right?”

“No. I suppose we’ve been very clear that we aren’t.” Hyunjin took a hand away from his crotch to rub the back of his neck.

Eunha put a hand on Hyunjin’s arm, pointing at his neck. “Oh no. Are you feeling sore?” She gestured toward a stool. “Let me give you a massage. SinB!”

Hyunjin watched, half afraid and half mesmerized, as SinB quickly undressed and tossed all of her clothes back into the locker room. He let Eunha pull him down to sit on the stool she dragged underneath the stream of the shower. “I don’t really need a massage. It’s okay.”

“That’s good to hear! I’ll just get started on washing you up then. In the meantime, can you do me a favor?”

“Uh… Sure?”

While sitting on the stool, Hyunjin was just barely shorter than Eunha, which let her lean down to whisper in his ear. Her tone made it clear she was asking a question. “Let SinB practice on you?”

Hyunjin’s eyes went wide. “So Eunha, I don’t mean to sound like a perv here, but are you implying something about practicing a blowjob? Because I’ll take that.”

Eunha motioned for SinB to approach. “No, no. Why would you think that?” she asked, clearly twitching at the corner of her mouth as she tried not to smile. She slowly pulled Hyunjin’s other hand away from his full-mast dick.

In no time at all, SinB was standing in front of Hyunjin, hair getting drenched by the shower, hands behind her back, and eyes anywhere but on him. With a little difficulty, she moved to straddle his lap. The width of her legs put her bare pussy dangerously close to his cock.

Sure he knew where the situation was taking them, Hyunjin shifted his legs, pushing SinB’s a little farther apart. The head of his dick speared her. He watched as her chest rose and fell rapidly. She used her hands to brace herself on his shoulders. He wanted to make a snarky comment, but was having difficulty coming up with anything good. He was also distracted by the feeling of something hard against his cock. He reached around SinB and grabbed her butt. As his fingers explored, he was able to verify immediately that she had a butt plug inside of her.

“This is an interesting night,” he said simply.

Just then, Hyunjin felt Eunha pressing her front up against his back. Her skin glided over his, as if it was (and it was) covered in soap. At the same time, SinB lowered herself further onto his dick in a jerking, twitching way.

“I don’t know what you mean. Is something unusual, Hyunjin?” Eunha asked as she rubbed her tits and stomach up and down his back.

Hyunjin’s sarcasm struggled its way out of his throat as SinB started fucking him, bouncing herself and making a beautiful, wet scene of her slim body. “Not at all…” Hyunjin said, “Perfectly normal Wednesday night.”

Eunha couldn’t contain her giggle. She ran her soapy hands over Hyunjin’s shoulders, arms, and whatever parts of his legs she could reach with SinB in the way. He winced a little when she swept over his new bruise, but otherwise did his best not to react.

“How do you like SinB’s pussy?”

Hyunjin groaned. His grip on SinB’s asscheeks tightened subconsciously. He had to unclench his teeth to say, “It’s alright.”

“Hear that, SinB? Just alright. Maybe a bit amateurish.”

SinB’s shoulders tensed up visibly. “I said I was sorry…”

Eunha walked around to the shelves on the wall to pull a bottle of shampoo off. The close up view of Eunha’s plump, naked, wet ass just about set Hyunjin off. She was obviously arching her back just enough to make it noticeable.

“Damn, Eunha. I always admired your butt when you were my senior, but now… fuck…”

She turned to look at Hyunjin over her shoulder. “Oh thank you! Sounds like you’re thinking about cumming?”

Hyunjin nodded. With no hesitation at all, Eunha set the shampoo back down and pulled a visibly shocked SinB off of his cock. He was shocked too, about ready to ask why Eunha would do such a thing, but found his answer right away.

Eunha, facing away from Hyunjin, positioned herself between his legs and spread her ass with one hand, and grabbed his cock with the other. She directed it to an unexpected target, and Hyunjin’s breath caught in his throat as he was hilted completely in Eunha’s asshole.

“Now you can cum,” she said.

Hyunjin didn’t need to be told twice. He barely needed to be told once. His orgasm hit him harder than his opponent did in the ring. He grabbed Eunha’s hips and held her down against him as he pumped a gigantic load into her ass.

He brushed his hair back, suddenly light headed, feeling like his soul had just been pulled out of him through his cock. He saw SinB sitting back against the wall, still blushing bright red, masturbating as she stared between Eunha’s legs at the spot where Hyunjin was impaling her.

“So then,” Eunha said casually, despite having an ass full of Hyunjin’s dick and cum, “Did you want anything special for dinner? I have an idea if you don’t!”

Hyunjin smiled. He was still trying to comprehend what just happened, but he was happy with it, even if the intensity of his climax left him with the sound of a bell ringing in his ears.

#gfriend smut #kpop smut #male oc #eunha #sinb #request

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isthisthingeven0n · 3 years

Text

you’re still here : s.r

spencer watched you die in his arms, believing you were gone forever. but when he learns the truth that you’re alive in london, he can’t help but wonder why you’ve hidden away for so long. (2.4k)

all my links

(everything on my blog is my own writing. if it is shared on another page or website know it hasn’t been approved me unless specified. all rights reserved. - i have to start doing this as I had some shit on my other blog with plagiarism)

DO NOT STEAL MY WORK - IT IS ALL MY OWN WRITING

Salem, Oregon

“No, no, no Y/n, please,” Spencer pleads as he holds you close, his arms wrapped around you as your body becomes weaker by the passing second. “please don’t go,” His cries intensify as his arms shake, watching as your eyes begin to close. “no, please.”

“I’m sorry,” You manage to whisper as tears fall from Spencer’s eyes, the last sight you ever saw as your eyes closed, and your head fell back.

“No,” Spencer mutters, shaking you lightly. “no, you can’t be, no!” His cries turn to yells as Morgan approaches him slowly, resting his hand on Spencer’s shoulder as it shakes violently.

“Reid,” Morgan sighs, afraid to look down and see you lifeless in Spencer’s arms. “it’s over, I, I’m sorry.”

Looking over his shoulder, the rest of the team with solemn faces walk over and shield around Spencer whilst the police take care of Jason Lodgings; your murderer.

“Come on, Spence,” JJ speaks softly as she kneels beside Spencer as tears fill her eyes.

“I’m not leaving her.” Spencer states firmly, still not letting you go from his embrace.

“Reid,” Hotch calls out, his voice firm as he stands tall, watching as Lodgings walks away in handcuffs, glancing down with sorrow at the blood oozing from your cream jumper, dripping onto the wooden floorboards. “we have to go.” Hotch tells the team as they slowly rise to their feet, not wanting to start an argument with their superior.

Closing his eyes, Spencer releases a shaky breath as he gently lowers you to the ground. He pushes your hair out from your face and brushes his fingers across your cheek for the last time.

“Goodbye, Y/n.” Spencer whispers to you as he stands up and turns around, ignoring JJ’s open arms and walks out.

London, England - Two years later

It was always going to catch up with you, this life was a mere facade for your sake to have a sense of normality, but normality was never something you wanted.

Nearly two years had passed by since they last saw you. You hadn’t seen Garcia flirting with Morgan, heard JJ talk about Henry with such joy or avoided the stern looks Hotch shot over when you joked with Rossi and Emily for two years. But the one thing you’ve missed more than anything was seeing Spencer smile. You missed everything about Spencer, but seeing his smile brought a sense of indescribable joy.

This was never going to last forever, and you knew that coming into the situation. Hotch and Emily helped you figure out what to do, where to go in order to keep you safe. But keeping you safe meant everyone believing you were dead in the eyes of Jason Lodgings and his team, otherwise, they’d kill your team, your family off one by one just to get to you.

Having experienced the trauma from Emily’s ‘death’ you knew this wasn’t going to be easy on the team. You were lying in Spencer’s arms, close to death as you heard him cry for you. Every part of your body screamed to react, to tell him you’d see him again soon. If only you could have, just to provide him with some sense of relief in the long term. Yet if you did, it would’ve ruined the entire plan.

Wandering through Hyde Park, you knew he was close by. Maybe he had seen you already and was too afraid to believe it. The last time you spoke to anyone you knew was a year ago in Paris with Emily.

* Paris, France - One year Ago *

“How are they all?” You question as she sits down opposite you, files in hand as she places them on the table.

“They’re healing,” She answers, sliding the files across as you grab your bag, putting them inside without any hesitation. “it’ll get easier, but they’ll always miss you.” Emily sighs knowingly. “That contains everything you’ll need to get to London and set up a life there. But please, don’t trust anyone easily, Y/n.” She warns you as you nod.

Rising to your feet, you shrug your bag back onto your shoulder as you look down to one of your oldest friends for the last time. “Thank you, Emily.” You smile to her, wishing you could say more.

“Stay safe, okay?” She tells you, unable to form more words as thousands hover behind her lips. “I’ll be in touch soon.”

With a nod, you turn on your heels and walk down the street, not daring to look back as you’ve got to carry on.

Exhaling deeply, you bury your hands further into your coat pockets. Autumn was approaching as the Summer nights came to an end. You can’t help but kick through the piles of leaves that line the pathways as children giggle with their parents behind you.

“Did you know after June 21st, the Summer Solstice the sun’s direct rays will begin to shift southward from the Tropic of Cancer toward Earth’s equator?” You can’t help but tense as you hear his voice, filled with pain behind you. “As a result, the summer days become shorter, but that isn’t noticeable for a few weeks until late August when we near Fall.”

With a heavy heart, you begin to turn around and face the one person you owe the most to.

Your eyes remain locked on his feet, an old pair of sneakers lined with dried mud. Slowly, you raise your gaze past his trousers and toward the knitted sweatshirt vest, one you remember vividly even after all this time. As your eyes reach his shoulders, you can see his hair is long again and you can’t help but want to reach out and run your fingers through it like you once did.

“Hi,” You breathe out, unable to meet his scared gaze. “hi, Spencer.” You mutter, tearing apart the tissue in your left pocket as your nerves spread through your system, igniting undiscovered anxieties about this situation.

Spencer remains silent, taking in the sight before him. He never thought he’d see you again, the last time he saw you he held your lifeless body in his arms as he cried for you to stay with him. Yet you’re here, in London, alive.

“Do you wanna sit down?” You motion to the nearest vacant bench, and Spencer walks alongside you without saying a word.

Sitting down beside him, the gap between you feels too big. You’re used to the times of sitting together on the jet, resting your head on his shoulder and drifting off peacefully.

“Been up to much whilst here?” You ask, unsure what else to say. You can see out of the corner of your eye he’s looking straight ahead at the squirrels scaling the trees like buildings in the city.

“Why?” Spencer breaks his silence, his voice firm with you which takes you back by surprise.

“I,” You pause, lowering your head in defeat as you stare at the faint scar on your hand from the initial knife wound that Jason struck you with. “I had no choice.” You admit, hearing the gunfire as you blink away the memory.

“Everyone has a choice, Y/n, always.” He reminds you and just hearing him say your name causes your heart to drop. “You could’ve told us, we would’ve kept you safe, you know I,” Spencer pauses as he exhales his frustration. “we could’ve protected you.”

“I know, Spence,” You mutter, now turning to look up at him for the first time. “but I couldn’t do it, Hotch and Emily assured everyone would be safer this way.” You try to explain as you see the pain that lines his eyes, the heartache held in his gaze as he focuses on you.

He looks older, still sleep-deprived, but there’s a hint of happiness in the lines that surround his lips. A reassurance that he does have good days, the one thing you wished he'd have since you left.

“So you just left knowing we thought you died in my arms? Do you have any idea how I felt?” He’s angry, and rightfully so. “I, I thought I meant more to you than that, Y/n.” His anger subsides as his voice softens, his defences down.

You can’t help but reach out as you look at your hand on top of his, not daring to move it as you study his reaction.

“You’re the most important person to me, Spencer.” You reason, feeling his hand take a hold of yours, resting it in his palm as he curls his fingers over your hand, refusing to let go. “That’s why I had to let you believe I was gone, as Lodgings’ team would know, they’d always know and you would be in danger because of me.”

Spencer shakes his head. “We would’ve found a way, we, we,” He stumbles over his words as you squeeze his hand.

“You think me faking my death was plan A, Spence?” You chuckle, noticing a faint smile crossing his lips. “That was plan Z, actually version 3 plan Z if we’re being specific.”

“Did you ever plan on coming back?” Spencer quietly questions as his words linger around you for a moment as you slip your hand out from his.

“What did Emily tell you, Spence?” You ask, looking up at him as you hide your hands in your coat pockets, picking at the tissue once more.

“Besides the fact you’re alive and in London?” He nervously chortles, catching you rolling your eyes playfully. “She said you were doing okay, and that you were safe here.”

“I am, with Lodgings’ team having been sentenced, I’m no longer a target to them. My life is my own again, I can finally carry on living it.” Looking up, you watch as pigeons fly overhead, swarming down on the chunks of bread left for the swans. “But I made an agreement with Hotch, I’d stay away for at least three years. Three years to ensure my safety and for Lodgings’ team to be dismantled and dealt with.”

“Three years.” Spencer repeats, and you nod along. “You’re not planning on coming home, are you?” Your silence answers his question without you needing to respond. “I understand, Y/n. Three years is a long time to be gone from us all, and people change.” He reasons to himself more than to you. “I, we all thought you were gone, and finding out you’re alive I,” His voice trails off as he clenches his jaw, fighting his emotions that have been pent up for so long.

“Spence,” You mumble his name as tears fall from his eyes. “I want to come home, I do. I just don’t know if it’s home anymore.”

“Home is where the heart is.” Spencer comments.

“Elvis Presley.” You chuckle, lifting your hand up as you wipe away his tears, feeling him tense momentarily from your touch.

“Please don’t go, Y/n.” Spencer whispers as he lifts his hand up, resting it on top of yours as you cup his cheek. “I want to be selfish, I don’t want to lose you again if I don’t have to.”

Tears glaze your eyes as Spencer scans your face for any uncertainty. “Six months, Spence.” The words are barely audible for anyone passing by, but you know he heard you.

“One hundred and eighty-two point five days.” He nods as you lower your hand from his cheek, but he still keeps his on top of yours. “Then you’ll come home?”

“I can’t promise, Spence.” You know lying would be useless with him, you were never the most confident liar around him. “But before I go, I just want to tell you something.”

“Anything.” Spencer responds in a heartbeat, his entire body facing you now as you lower your gaze and take a steady breath.

“When you held me in your arms as I was,” Even after all this time, you still struggle saying the word. “well, fading, there was one thing I couldn’t help but think as you pleaded for me to stay.”

Spencer edges closer, your thighs touching as the previous gap between you both on the bench is gone. “What was it?”

“I wanted to tell you how much I care for you, how much I love you. And I wanted to thank you for being there for me through everything.” Your eyes remain locked on his as you pour your heart out to him, knowing if you don’t say it now, you never will. “But I didn’t have enough life in me to say all that then.” You nervously laugh. “So I thought I’d say it now, as it’s still true. You are a wonderful person Spencer Reid.”

A comfortable silence falls between you both as echoes of children's laughter surrounds you. And for the first time in years, you feel perfectly content.

“You know, Rossi once told me something,” Spencer speaks up, looking down at your hand as he brushes his thumb over the scar Jason caused. “scars show us where we have been, they do not dictate where we are going.”

“Wise words from a wise man.” You comment quietly as Spencer pauses.

“I know you have scars, Y/n. Externally and internally. But I’ll always be here, wherever you chose to be.” A small sweet smile lines Spencer’s lips as you focus on him, wishing there was so much more you could say. “And I’ll always love you, I’ll always miss you. But if I know you’re healing, then that is all that matters.” He lifts your hand up to his lips, kissing it softly before lowering it back to your lap, unaware of your heart-shattering in your chest.

“I’ll see you soon, Spence.” You tell him as he stands up, hands resting in his jacket pockets as he sways back and forth on his heels.

“One hundred and eighty-two point five days, Y/n.” He reminds you, and you can’t help but laugh and Spencer joins in too for a moment and everything feels okay again, just for a second. “I’ll be holding you to it.” He smiles to you one last time as he sees the glint in your eyes falter. “Bye Y/n.”

“Bye Spencer.” You wave to him as you turn around, walking down separate paths once more, unsure when you’ll next reunite.

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kenmasgameboy · 4 years

Photo

ruin me.

chapter 8: who?

previous…next

masterlist

kuroo tetsurou came into y/n’s life when she needed him to fuck it up the most.

Kuroo tapped the notebook you where you were rewriting your notes for better organization. You looked over, eyes wide with the sudden eye contact he made. Fuck, he’s so hot. You thought this to yourself and had to look away.

“When do you have to close up?” Kuroo asked, his voice smooth in your ear as you become painfully aware of his gaze.

“Half an hour.” You mumbled, checking your watch. Thanks to the silence around you he still heard you.

“Perfect, uh.” Kuroo nervously fiddled with his pencil, trying to prepare himself to be rejected, “Could I walk you home when you’re done?”

“What?” You practically choke it out, your skin feeling hot and sweaty under your current predicament.

“It’s just getting late, I think Inuoka had to have gone home by now if you were planning on going with him. But I’d love to walk you. I really don’t mind.” Kuroo insisted. You gripped the page of your book, crinkling the corner of it between your thumb and index finger.

“Kuroo-san?” You finally gain the courage to say something above a mumble.

“You don’t have to be so formal—” Kuroo started but you needed to let it out before you swallowed it back down forever.

“Why are you messing with me? I know I tweeted that thing but I didn’t think you’d ever see that. I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable.” You said it in practically one long breath, trying to get it all out of your chest like blowing it into a balloon.

“What tweet? Oh the one where you said I was some good fucking food, something about being a delicious specimen, right?” He flashed a handsome teasing grin your way. Your whole body felt like cringing, curling in on itself until you turned into seafoam but restricted it to just your hands curling and your face wincing. Why did you ever forget the internet is forever?

“I’m just teasing you. Of course, I’m flattered. But I was interested in knowing who you were before I even saw that.” He insisted, his genuine smoothness spilling across the table.

“Oh.” You said, quickly turning your face into your opposite shoulder as to hide the panic and flustered expression you surely are wearing. Kuroo wanted to see that face so bad. A light breath was exhaled from his nose as he held back his laugh, you were amusing though he would give you that.

“Why don’t I walk you home?” He repeated himself. You remembered Inuoka’s long gone and the dark of the night had already settled in. You couldn’t walk home alone, but walking home with a guy you didn’t know very well also didn’t sound like a fun risk.

“Y/N-chan?” Your class representative suddenly had approached the desk, Nakamura Satoshi. You hadn’t spoken to him much, only when he needed you to do a certain task. He was #1 in your year, and was extremely popular with the staff and faculty. He wasn’t exactly Kuroo’s status with popularity, but he was up there. There was no doubt people knew who they were. And they knew who each other were.

You were so thankful that nobody else was in this library. As this would be quite the sight for anyone to see. Two of some of the most popular boys at this school hanging around the loner librarian assistant. What was next? Was an idol going to come try to talk to you as well? You set a reminder in your head to punch Inuoka for leaving you alone tonight.

“Ah, Satoshi-kun, I’m sorry I forgot you were here. Can I help you find something? I was about to close up.” You smiled lightly at him. Your interaction with this guy made Kuroo want to put his fist directly into Nakamura’s face. Did he not see he was working on something over here? He just had to come ruin it, huh? Why were you so familiar with each other? Kenma said you didn’t talk to anyone. Kuroo’s patience was coming to a stifling end.

“Ah not exactly, I’m sorry to keep you past your shift. Is the librarian coming to relieve you?” Satoshi asked you,

“No, I’m locking up tonight. She texted me a little while ago to let me know she couldn’t come back to do it.” You said. Kuroo was getting antsy, starting to pack up his things as he tried to urge this kid to stop talking. He was getting the need to be petty, jealous of how comfortable you were with him.

“Oh, I see.” He said, returning his voice to a normal level since nobody else was here, “I was wondering if you could help me understand this assignment from English? You got second highest in that subject last term, right?”

��Well, yeah. Second to you?” You turned your head to the side in confusion, but Kuroo didn’t miss a beat in understanding this guys game plan.

“I could help you.” Kuroo smiled nonchalant, playing coy as if he didn’t know a thing.

“Oh, Kuroo-san! My apologies, I didn’t see you there.” Satoshi bowed and smiled politely. Immediately it was like a surge of lightening went through both of their eyes, their competitive natures being at opposing sides with each other.

“No worries, I scored #1 in english the last 3 years, I don’t mind helping you.” Kuroo said, trying to draw his attention away from you.

“That’d be great, but I’d feel like I was cheating if i got help from someone as advanced as you. Besides, Y/N-chan always takes the best notes from what we covered in class today. I swear! They’re always better than mine.” Satoshi was being light-hearted but not even you could deny the air had gotten thicker.

“It’s okay, um. Is it this one? I’ll admit it was kind of difficult. Learning when to use past, present, and future tense verbs can get rather difficult especially if it changes mid-sentence.” You said this while looking down at the identical sheets, trying to ignore that half of the answer bubbles looked like they used to have writing in them but had been erased. But Kuroo certainly couldn’t ignore that.

“I know, I’ve been kinda struggling with it. Kuroo-san, this could take a little while. You shouldn’t have to wait for Y/N-chan. I can walk her home.” Satoshi tried to wave him off. Kuroo stood up, using his height to his advantage over Satoshi who was probably only 4 inches shorter than Kuroo, but still enough to make his point.

“I don’t mind waiting, I already got my studies done for the day. No need to rush.” Kuroo insisted, “Besides, L/N already told me she wanted me to walk her home.”

“I don’t remember her saying that.” Satoshi pointed out, causing Kuroo’s eyes to widen. So, he had been listening to them. “Y/N-chan, do you mind staying with me, I’d love your input about a few other things for our class? I’ll walk you home and buy you something from the vending machine.”

You wanted to explode. Right then and there felt like the perfect time to just implode actually, so why couldn’t you spontaneously combust.

“Uh..” You nervously fiddled with the end of your uniform sweater, you looked up to Kuroo for some kind of answer. You don’t know why you had done that, you just felt like he would help you in this. Inuoka normally would be that person for you, but now out of the two in front of you, you go to Kuroo. But he just stared down Satoshi instead, when you made eye contact with him you backed down again. You panicked under his gaze. He registered that look you were giving him a second too late, “Kuroo-san, I would feel bad making you wait for me. It’s okay to go on without me.”

Kuroo wished he could back track, he wished he had the right authority to just pick you up and take you with him. He wished he could’ve gone back to when you looked at him with those panicked eyes looking for an answer and answered for you again so that you would feel like you had an ally. Satoshi didn’t skip a single beat, he took the seat Kuroo had been sitting in for the last few hours to make sure he could be even closer to you than he had been to immediately start asking you questions to ignore Kuroo.

“I’ll see you tomorrow, L/N.” Kuroo couldn’t help but hang his head with his defeat. As soon as Kuroo left through the front doors, the rubber band you felt between the two of you that had been getting pulled tighter and tighter was cut by the doors of the library. It snapped back and hit the air out of your chest. You felt weaker without him, like you couldn’t focus on what Satoshi was asking you even though you were more familiar with him he never gave you the same feeling of blissful silence in the way Kuroo gave you today.

You didn’t know that Kuroo was going to give you up that easy. You didn’t know that he wasn’t. That he was waiting down the hall waiting for you to leave with that guy with you so he could prove his own suspicions. He was never going to give up that easily.

***

TAGLIST:

@firebonbon @ushiwakasthighs @koukamisblog @dragonxbabe @ari-hatake15 @nohxmanity @chaelysian @whatevenisapaige @fern-writes-ig @haikyuufairy @ushiwakaismybae @kalesveggietales @tetsuswhore @starry-magicshop @iwanttogotopluto @cuddlesslut @bby-bokuto @nagichi-kenma @roseestuosity @prcttylittlcthing @its-bnha-babe @horsegirlbabey @90s-belladonna @insomniish @aquzaifus @johnnysactualgf @axolotleyeliner @boosyboo9206 @berriesii @animewithmemes @gemswrites @incapableofacleverusername @jvhoone @i8bbflesh @sempiternal-amour @anejuuuuoy @rd-crew

send a comment or an ask to be added to the taglist! if your name is crossed out it’s because i couldn’t find it! let me know if you’ve changed your username!

a/n wOW WHAT A MASSIVE CHAPTER! let me know what you guys think <3 a bit more drama-filled than normal hehe

#kuroo #kuroo tetsurou #kuroo x reader #kuroo smau #haikyuu kuroo #haikyuu #haikyuu x reader #hq #hq x reader #kuroo smut #kuroo tetsurou x reader #kuroo tetsuro #kenma #inuoka #haikyuu smau

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wonderlustlucas · 4 years

Text

jack pot ; part 3 - hwang hyunjin

⇢ prompt You know it’s bad when you’re high as a kite and he’s still on your mind. ⇢ pairing hwang hyunjin x female reader ⇢ word count 6.4k ⇢ genre fluff & angst (not heavy, just in a slow burn kind of way) ⇢ warnings (18+) drug use, a suggestive make out & the mention of a boner twice maybe ⇢ summary College is a matter of working hard and playing hard. It’s an opportunity to start fresh, to grow as an individual and to blossom with those you befriend. People come and people go, leaving their mark on your life and showing you all the parts of becoming an adult. Some, however, do more than leave their mark. Some take just as much as they give. Things become complicated once they take the entirety of your love because you outright offered it to them.—college!au ; stoner!au ; friends to lovers!au ⇢ a/n AAAAAAAA omg im so excited to post this, this by far is my fav part of jack pot & i cant wait to hear what u all think!!! sorry its a bit shorter than the other parts, & technically this is the *last* part, but there will be an epilogue where you will see how everything comes to be!!!! have fun reading!!! <3

⇠ part 2

five.

“Oh, fuck, he’s good,” Yeji gasps, shoving her phone into Maddie’s hands before faceplanting into the table.

“Are you H-T-T-P because I’m colon-slash-slash without you,” Maddie reads with a chuckle, thumbs hesitating over the keyboard. “Quick, YN, look up some pick-up lines.”

Closing the tab on the article you should be reading but has been long forgotten, you promptly do as you are told and open the first link from your search, Minho and Jisung leaning in to help. “There,” Jisung stops you, pointing to one, “’Are you a parking ticket? Because you have fine written all over you.’”

The table can’t help but burst into laughter at such a sentence. It’s stupid, but ever since Yeji and Kim Sunwoo began texting, their conversations have been full of tacky puns and emoji-filled compliments.

“Damn,” Maddie whistles, setting the phone back into Yeji’s limp hand, “he’s already typing back.”

“Gross,” Ryujin teases, busy typing away on her laptop. How she manages to multitask so well is a skill you certainly lack. “Why don’t you just like, I don’t know, ask him out?” Jisung asks and when you glance up, he’s looking at you. “Because that’s the guy’s job,” Maddie quickly saves the day, winking to you when you send her a grateful smile.

“Bullshit,” Jeongin scoffs. Everyone, even Ryujin, stops to look at him.

Did he just curse?

“I mean, like,” he stammers, cheeks turning rosy at all the attention, “it’s 2020. Guys have insecurities, too.”

“I agree,” Minho hums, looking to Maddie with hearts in his eyes, “that kind of confidence is enough to make any boy fall in love.”

“Yeah, but—”

Lia rebuts, but your attention quickly falls elsewhere when a text message first appears on your laptop, then your phone.

hwang hyunjin🦔🕺🏻💞🧻 [now] Where r u rn?

Unable to fight your smile, you quickly type back.

[3:39 PM] YN: outside hollin st café [3:39 PM] YN: why? :)

“Have you seen their new house, YN?” Minho asks, prompting you to click your phone off and set it back on the table. “Whose house?”

“Changbin’s parents.”

“Oh,” shaking your head, you distantly curse Chan for keeping your friend busy today. Unlike Jisung, Changbin likes to write lyrics and do whatever other music stuff during the day at a normal time instead of the middle of the fucking night while stoned and trying to finish his computer science assignments at the same time. “No, he forgot to send me pictures.”

“Dude,” Jisung sighs dreamily, “it’s huge. So nice. I think the front door alone could cover tuition.”

“Is it really that nice?” Maddie asks in awe.

“He started to show me pics the other day but couldn’t finish but the kitchen… unnecessary,” Ryujin quips, pausing her work to check her phone. “Yeah, it’s insane. The whole place is unnecessary but the kitchen is like, a house in itself,” Jeongin hums, head shaking in disbelief.

“Damn, now I really want to see it,” you sigh, making a mental note to hunt Changbin down so he can show you. “It’s like Hyunjin and his rings,” Minho snickers, “he has so many. Whenever we’re out, if he sees a ring, boom. It’s his.”

Well, he’s not wrong but… You bite your tongue no matter how badly you wish to defend Hyunjin and his affinity for rings and jewelry in general. The boy has taste, what can you say? You certainly are not complaining about Hyunjin’s long fingers and the way he chooses to decorate them.

“I never thought I’d hear Changbin’s parent’s kitchen be analogous to Hyunjin’s jewelry collection, yet here we are,” Maddie chuckles, leaning over Yeji to peek at her conversation with Sunwoo.

“Wow, speak of the devil,” Jisung pipes up of course as soon as you have reopened the tab to your assignment. Changbin or Hyunjin, you don’t know, head whipping up to find out and a peculiar mix of relief and panic settling over you once you spot the latter. “Uh oh, YN’s gonna go into cardiac arrest.”

As subtly as you can, you elbow Jisung in the stomach and smile at Hyunjin as he nears. “Hey,” keeping his eyes on you, Hyunjin approaches your table and stops behind Maddie opposite from you, “I’m sorry, I should have asked if you were busy.” His cheeks, already flushed, burn pinker once he looks away to smile weakly at everyone else.

“I’m not busy!” You squeak, scrambling to close your laptop and shove it in your bag. “Are you sure? I can come back later?” He offers, tilting his head and this is when you realize he is holding a bubble tea in each hand. And from the looks of it, one seems to be your usual order. “No, she’s not,” Jeongin answers for you, recognizing your stupefied expression.

“I was just – yeah. No,” rushing to stand and swing your legs out around the bench, you nearly fall flat on your face, “I wasn’t doing anything, actually.” Steadying yourself with a hand on Minho’s shoulder, you heave a labored breath before carefully walking to meet Hyunjin.

“Okay,” he beams, either oblivious to how flustered you are or simply choosing to ignore it. Turning to wave to your friends, he hands you one of the cups and you realize it is, in fact, your favorite boba. Oh boy. “See ya later,” you wave to them as well, nose wrinkling when both Jisung and Maddie wink in return.

Following after Hyunjin, you finally allow yourself to take notice of his attire and can’t help but feel confused. He looks good. And not in the good attractive way—he always looks good. But good as in formal. It’s four o’clock on a Tuesday in October and he’s out here looking as if he just got out of a business meeting. White button-down tucked into fitted black slacks, dress shoes, black tie, and he even has a black suit jacket draped over his arm. His hair is styled, too; ever since he dyed it back to black, he’s been growing it out long enough for his bangs to cover his eyes. Now, however, it’s parted down the middle and seems as if he’s ever so slightly curled it away from his face.

Suddenly, you feel ridiculous walking beside him in mom jeans and a baggy sweatshirt from high school.

“Thanks for the boba,” you mumble around your straw, brain still preoccupied trying to get over how utterly handsome he is. “Why do you look so fancy?”

The side of his mouth twitches up at your words, but his eyes stay glued to the sidewalk as you continue to your unknown destination. “I had an audition,” Hyunjin admits, voice devoid of emotion as if it’s not important at all. “An audition?” You echo. “Why do you sound so not super mega excited? How did it go? What was it for?”

“Well—”

“Wait!” You interrupt, stopping your walk once you realize he had an audition and you didn’t know. “You had an audition? What – why didn’t you tell me?”

Hyunjin frowns, avoiding your gaze and dragging his bottom teeth over his top lip. “I didn’t tell anyone,” he finally says before reaching for your hand and tugging you away from the walkway and into your campus’ main courtyard. “Why? Is it some sort of secret or something, Hyunjin?” You scoff, sounding way more annoyed than you intended. But you are annoyed; why didn’t he want to tell anyone?

“No,” he sighs, finding an empty area in the grass and lowering himself to sit, “I just… didn’t want anyone to know. Didn’t want to make it a big deal.”

“Hyunjin,” you sigh, visibly softening for him and settling down next to him, crisscrossing your legs, “it is a big deal. I don’t know what it’s for, but if it’s important enough for you to audition, then it’s important to us, too. You don’t need to be humble twenty-four-seven, you know. I’m sure you could have used our support.”

“I didn’t get it, though,” Hyunjin whispers, “they just – I didn’t get in. I wasn’t good enough.” Sensing the sadness in his voice, you find a lump forming in your throat when you notice the way his bottom lip trembles. “Hey,” panicking, you set your boba down and sit up on your knees to wrap your arms around him, cradling his head into your chest once tears start falling, “no. Don’t ever say you’re not good enough, Hyunjin.”

“But if I did better, practiced more, than I would—"

“Stop,” you hush, combing your fingers through his hair and brushing strands away from his eyes, “I’ve never met someone who works as hard as you do. You can’t beat yourself up over this. Everything happens for a reason. You don’t know what could have happened if you got in. You could have hurt yourself eventually, or maybe met someone who’s a real asshole.”

“Yeah,” is all he says, quiet and muffled when he turns to press his forehead into your sternum, body still trembling as he lets out all his tears. You stay like that for a while, holding him against you and soothing a hand up and down his back until his sniffling falls quiet. “Listen,” you finally sigh, grabbing him by the shoulders and pulling him back. Your heart sinks once you take in the wet trails down his cheeks and the puffiness of his eyes. “Forget about it. Was it something for dance?”

When he nods subtly, you cup his face in your hands and swipe his cheeks with your thumbs. “You are an amazing dancer, Hyunjin. You can’t let this get to your head. And I don’t want you working your ass off more than you do already. Practice makes perfect, sure, but you need to rest. What about the idea Changbin came up with?”

“The YouTube thing?”

“Yes! Filming dance tutorials or just posting your routines is a really good idea,” you remind him, wiping your hands on your jeans once he falls back onto the grass with a gentle thud, hair flaying around him like a halo. Your limbs twitch with the urge to lie beside him, maybe throw an arm around him and rest your cheek on his chest, fingers tracing the soft features of his face, stroking through his hair and reminding him just how innately perfect he is, inside and out. You, of course, resist such a temptation, flopping down beside him and staring up at the clouds with a heavy heart.

“I could do that. Maybe,” Hyunjin huffs. Tilting your head to look at him, you find yourself knee-deep in that familiar longing feeling, pausing simply to appreciate how pretty he is in the evening sun, cheeks rosy from crying and hair begging to be touched. Shaking your head to rid such daydreams, you remind yourself how fragile his emotions are right now. Now is no time to get caught up on a fantasy. Reaching for your tea, you lean up on an elbow and redirect your gaze to the trees, the promise of winter having turned what was green burnt sienna and butterscotch, leaving trees barren and branches swaying gently in the crisp breeze that leaves you curling into yourself. “You should,” you hum, distant, mind clawing to come up with the words you want to say.

“Come here,” Hyunjin says now, voice stronger than before and when his hand wraps gently around your wrist, you can’t find it in yourself to resist. Allowing him to pull you back down beside him, you curl into his side, resting your head a safe distance away from his own and onto the curve of his arm. “Thank you for being so good to me,” he expresses. You squeeze your eyes shut when the arm you lie on wraps around your shoulders and pulls you substantially closer. “I need to tell you something.”

A long stretch of silence falls upon you and for a moment, you are unsure the words even left your mouth. What are you thinking?

“Wait! I have something first,” Hyunjin sighs, missing the way your breath hitches. “Okay,” you whisper, fiddling with one of the buttons on his shirt and focusing all your attention there.

“I just – I think… I owe you an apology,” he finally says, “I need to apologize for something that I did a while ago that I know probably hurt.” Your chest tightens. There’s a lot that has hurt you when it comes to Hyunjin, but none that he’s done purposely. None that are his fault. None that he should be apologizing for.

“I feel like we came to some mutual understanding to not mention what happened when we were freshmen, but it kills me to know that – that something happened, and we never talked about it,” Hyunjin starts, grip tightening on your shoulder and suddenly, you think you are dreaming. This cannot possibly be real. “I know it was awkward but, I also know me and Yiren dating was… ah. I don’t know.”

When he falls silent, you are unsure of what to say or do. You have no idea what the end goal of this conversation is. Hardly a minute ago, your heart and your brain decided it was time to tell him. Now, you’re not so sure you can do that until he finishes, and you are not about to give him your two cents if his reasoning for bringing it up is not the same as yours.

“I just want to apologize for not being brave enough to talk to you about it. I know I was confused, but I’m sure it was worse for you when they told you about her,” Hyunjin continues, sensing your rendered silence, “and it’s been so long since that happened, and now, you’re one of my closest friends.” Ouch.

“But I’ve been thinking,” when he picks up again, your eyes fly open in a panic. He’s been thinking. Hyunjinhas been thinking. You think you are going to pass out. “And I just feel like we… me and you, I mean—"

The standard iPhone alarm blares from beside you, promptly cutting him off and you think it is the biggest cockblock known to man. “Shit,” he hisses, leaning up to tug his phone from his pocket and in the process nudging you from your comfortable position. Sitting back up, nerves aflame and heart racing, your brows shoot up in confusion when all he does is stare at the number calling him. “What are you doing?”

“It’s the studio I was just at,” he scoffs in disbelief, barely glancing at you before looking back to his phone. You have never wanted to shrivel up and die as much as you want to right now. “Well? Aren’t you going to answer?”

Hyunjin makes a noise of acknowledgement before tapping the green icon and bringing the phone to his ear. “Hello?”

Sitting quietly beside him, you watch with a forced smile as his hummed responses and subtle nods morph into enthusiastic laughs and wide, beaming smiles. Hyunjin notices your confusion when you tilt your head, mouthing a ‘What?’ to him.

“They made a mistake,” he whispers, covering the speaker of his phone, “read off the wrong Hwang. I’m in.” When he grins excitedly at you, your response isn’t as cheerful as it could be. As it should be. “Yay!” You whisper, clapping gently but quickly turning to your boba when the other line begins speaking again. Looking away, you take a hefty sip, nearly choke on a tapioca ball, and build the walls around your heart up all over again in a matter of seconds.

“I’ve gotta go,” whispering, you manage one more pained smile before getting to your feet and wiping your butt of any possible grass stains, “good luck!” When he shines you one more breathtaking smile and waves excitedly, you hastily head in the other direction, wrapping your arms around yourself and swallowing past the lump that threatens to form the farther you walk.

It must be nice, you think, frantically wiping at your waterline. Must be nice to put yourself out there and have things work out the way you want them to. Must be nice being told you’re ‘in,’ you’re wanted, you’re desired.

It must be nice.

six.

Pick up food, you said. Ask Jisung, you said.

Your conscience is a big fat oompa loompa ass bitch. You would have never called Jisung to ask him if he wanted anything from Taco Bell if you knew he was with Changbin. And not just Changbin, you realized four minutes into your call; Seungmin and Hyunjin, too. Apparently he went over their place to record, or something, and didn’t care to let you know. Not that you’re his mom and he has too—but it would have been nice, and would have saved you from spending almost fifty dollars at Taco Bell.

“I tried calling Jisung but he didn’t answer,” you snap once Seungmin answers your call with a muffled hello. “Can one of you please come out and help me carry this in?” You glance at the five large sodas and two bags full of food in your passenger seat with a grimace. “Sure,” he agrees and you make a mental note for the umpteenth time just how much you love Seungmin, “I’ll be out in a sec.”

True to his word, you spot him making his way out of their apartment and across the small courtyard to meet you by your car not even a minute later, hauling each bag under his arms. “Thank you,” left only with the cupholder, you hurriedly lock your car and follow after him. “No problem. Thanks for being our Uber Eats,” then, pursing his lips, “how much was this?”

“Forty-seven something,” you grumble unhappily, knowing this was a big hit to your debit. “We’ll pay you back, don’t worry,” Seungmin smiles, leading you up the final flight of stairs and kicking open the ajar door.

Immediately, you’re hit with the smell.

“Dear, fucking hell,” making a face, you rub your nose to keep from sneezing, “it reeks in here. How have you guys not been kicked out yet?”

The stench of weed generally does not bother you anymore, but still—they could light a candle, or something. Seungmin shrugs, setting the bags down on the kitchen counter. “Luck, I guess.”

“IS THAT YN?” From another room, you hear Changbin shout, followed by an excited shriek from Jisung. “They’re high. Very high. You’ve been warned,” Seungmin whispers just as tweedle dee and tweedle dum themselves come flying around the corner. “YN!” Jisung grins, engulfing you in a dramatic hug. “Watch,” you hiss, regarding the blunt held between his fingers that comes dangerously close to your hair.

“Sorry,” he smiles, then, without warning, sticks the thing right between your lips. “I didn’t even offer.” Well, when life gives you lemons…

You hesitantly take the hit and blow the smoke away from him. You weren’t planning on getting high today, but here you are. “Thanks,” shaking your head as if that will clear it, you turn to Changbin and snugly wrap your arms around him. Every day you thank the heavens that he is a chill, calm high, unlike your maniac of a roommate.

“Thanks for the food,” fishing into his pockets and pulling out a crumpled ten-dollar bill, he slaps it into your palm. You only hum in reply, shoving it into your own pocket and praying you don’t lose it before you remember to put it in your wallet. “Where’s Hyunjin?” You ask, no longer caring about being slick.

“In his room,” Seungmin answers, rummaging through the bags to find what he ordered. Then, “HYUNJIN!” You jump, reaching for your soda and standing away from the other three until they have claimed whatever belongs to them. No sooner than Seungmin calls for him, you hear a door being cracked open and out comes Hyunjin.

He looks extremely disheveled. Like, just woke up from a two-month hibernation, disheveled. In the blink of an eye, however, he rakes a hand through long blonde hair and promptly sets a baseball cap backwards to keep the strands away and suddenly, he doesn’t look so disheveled anymore. You force yourself to look away, cursing the way your gut twists.

“Gimme my crunchwrap,” you say around your straw, snatching the blunt from Jisung’s fingers and moving around him to fetch your dinner. He doesn’t even protest.

He knows you need it more than he does.

“That’s a lot of food,” Hyunjin says once he has finally entered the kitchen, voice groggy and eyes puffy from sleep. Or from being high, you can’t tell. Pressing his chest to your back, he wraps one arm around you to keep you against him while the other reaches into a bag to take what’s his. Swallowing past the desert dryness of your throat, you manage a thick inhale from the blunt before tilting your head to look at him and mentally thanking the other three for taking it as their cue to head out.

“Not my fault you guys eat like animals,” you chuckle shakily, trying to ignore the firmness of his body against yours, veins prominent on the arm that holds you against him and the ripple of muscle along his abdomen noticeable even through his shirt and yours. Dear god, it is too early for this. Not even seven o’clock and you are already drooling in more places than one.

Hyunjin pouts as if it is not true. “How much do I owe you?” He asks, finally moving away to grab his drink and you can’t help your disappointment, quickly finishing the blunt before tapping it out into one of the many ashtrays. “Don’t worry about it,” you wave off, digging through their drawers for a paper plate.

“YN,” Hyunjin deadpans, regarding you with a raised brow once you come up and begin unwrapping your food. You refuse to look him in the eye. “What do I owe you?” He repeats, firmer this time and it sends a chill down your spine when it most certainly should not. Sighing, you retrieve the receipt from your pocket and count everything he got. “Thirteen.”

Humming in content, Hyunjin reaches for his wallet on the counter and pulls a ten and five out. “There,” he beams, tucking the bills into your pocket himself. Rolling your eyes, you pray he does not notice how you flush and hurry out of the kitchen to join Seungmin on the sofa.

“House Hunters?” You ask with a laugh, looking at the TV once you have settled next to him. “I told you HGTV is the best.”

Seungmin hums in agreement. “I thought it was stupid at first, but Hyunjin was watching Fixer Upper and I got addicted,” he says, nodding to the older boy doing a little dance in the kitchen as he eats one of his tacos. Your heart does somersaults at the sight. “They’re all so good,” you agree after taking a few bites of your own food, eyes trained on the television, “House Hunters is a classic, though.”

“I like the international one,” Hyunjin adds on his way over, crashing unceremoniously next to you. Out of the corner of your eye, you notice Seungmin wrinkle his nose when Hyunjin sets his free hand casually on your thigh. “Shh,” he grumbles, vaguely gesturing to the screen and chewing a mouthful of food, “I wanna hear what the house has.”

One episode turns to two, which turns to three, which turns to four, and suddenly you have been watching House Hunters with Seungmin and Hyunjin for almost three hours. It definitely is the weed, always making time perpetually slower, and it did not help when Jisung and Changbin reappeared sometime during your binge with one of Felix’s bongs. Not necessarily how you intended to spend your precious Friday night, but there is no sense in complaining when you are with your buddies and Hyunjin, of course.

Taco Bell long gone, you watch with blurry eyes when Hyunjin gets up from his slumped position against you to head into the kitchen and open the freezer. This, as well as the realization that House Hunters has ended and gone to some other, not-as-cool show, brings both you and Seungmin somewhat back to reality.

“It’s almost ten,” Seungmin announces, staring dazedly at the time on his phone. You hum in acknowledgment, certainly sober enough to reply but simply too lazy to. “I think I’m going to bed. Or play something. Don’t wreck the place,” he sighs, dragging a hand down his face before standing up. “G’night, Minnie,” you smile, watching with a furrowed brow as he continues down the hall and into his room. It isn’t until you hear his door click shut does the weight of being alone with Hyunjin settle on your chest.

It’s not like you haven’t spent time alone with Hyunjin before. In fact, that usually is the way it’s been in the past three years; whether the two of you decided to do your own thing or the rest of your friends eventually left or went to bed, you are used to this feeling. Used to ignoring the butterflies in your gut when he does something particularly cute and used to tampering down the mental images you conjure up knowing it’s just you and him.

But that doesn’t make things any easier. No matter how hard you try, you simply can’t help but feel this way around Hyunjin, especially when you’re alone. That’s just the way the cookie crumbles.

“Whatcha wanna watch?” Hyunjin asks around one last spoonful of ice cream before setting the pint back into the freezer. “Uhh…” You drone, blinking heavily at the TV and back to him as he makes his way back over. “I dunno, I’m sure you’ve been watching some drama. You can put that on.”

“You sure?” He asks with a raised brow, collapsing next to you and slumping dramatically halfway down the cushions. “Yes,” laughing, you find yourself reaching out to tuck messy strands of hair back behind his ear without hesitation, “also, why are you wearing a hat inside?”

Hyunjin pauses, straining to look up as if he will be able to see the back of his cap against his forehead. “I’m wearing a hat?”

“Yes, you idiot,” in comes the endless weed giggles and you find yourself unable to stop laughing, watching with teary eyes as he sits up and takes his hat off. “I don’t remember putting this on,” he chuckles airily, flipping the cap back and forth in his hands before tossing it onto the coffee table. “Should I cut it?”

“No!” You shout a little too quickly and a little too loudly. Shrinking against the arm of the couch, you ignore his amused smile and look to his long hair, freshly bleached strands falling down to his neck and shorter pieces brushing against his cheeks. Fuck, it should be illegal to look this good. “I like it long. It really suits you.”

“It’s annoying,” Hyunjin grins despite his complaint, lifting his legs onto the couch and flopping onto his side, head now resting on your lap. “I don’t know what to do with it.”

Now that he’s offered playing with his hair on a silver platter, you don’t hesitate combing your fingers through it, tugging out pieces stuck under his head and brushing it out completely. “You could pull the sides back,” you hum distantly, separating a section of hair near his temple to pull back, “or make a bun with what you can. You just have to play around with it.”

Humming in agreement, Hyunjin resituates himself after reaching for the remote and switching to Netflix. When you go back to simply raking your fingers from root to tip in irregular directions, you don’t miss the way his eyelids flutter at the motion and make sure to pay extra attention to his scalp. When this turned into a head massage, you’re not entirely sure.

The drama Hyunjin puts on is unbearable. You stopped paying attention a while ago, focusing more on him and how he seems to enjoy it, fingers busy braiding random sections of hair, taking them out, and then braiding them again. With two finally done the way you want them to, you are midway through the third when your fingers begin to cramp up.

“Why’d you stop?” Hyunjin asks seconds after you drop the braid and stretch your fingers out. “Fingers are cramping,” chuckling at the disappointed pout of his lips, you crack what knuckles you can before going back and undoing the unfinished braid. “Oh,” he mutters, cheek still pressed against your leg, “feels good.”

Humming in response, you ignore the way his words make your heart swell and begin gathering all his hair into a ponytail, pressing the braids to lay flat and finally tying it with a hair tie once you have combed up all that you can. Immediately, his bangs and hairs closer to the nape of his neck fall out, leaving the ponytail spikey and messy. At least the braids look good. You can’t help but giggle.

“What?” Hyunjin asks, pausing his show and leaning up. “What’d you do?”

“Go see for yourself,” pointing to the bathroom, you comb out a looped piece of hair before he stands to do just that. His ponytail bobs the entire walk there.

When he reaches the door and flips the light on, you watch from your position as he checks himself out, brushing away his bangs and flicking the pony. You frown when he accidentally yanks at a braid.

“Come here,” you say, sitting up, “you messed up the braid.”

“Honestly,” Hyunjin considers his reflection one last time before skipping his way over, “it doesn’t look half bad.” Expecting him to sit back next to you, your pulse quickens when he anchors a hand to the armrest and leans in front you, only inches away from your face. “No, definitely,” you say once you have gotten over the shock of him being so close so suddenly, “I like it in the ponytail. You’d really impress the girls if you braided your hair yourself.” Reaching up to tuck hair back into the braid and press it down flat once more, you don’t miss the way his brows draw together and lips twitch down. “What?”

Time ceases to exist as Hyunjin begins to come closer. In reality, you know it simply is a matter of seconds, but all of space and time seems to still once he leans forward. It feels as if an eternity goes by, allowing you to count each individual eyelash, memorize the details of his skin, take note of the smoothed lines on his plump lips. The way time slows is cruel; it allows panic to set in, the realization that he most certainly is looming over you with his eyes on your lips sending a spark of excitement and anxiety through your veins.

And then, just as this realization and this panic has set your nerves aflame, a gentle hand comes to cradle your jaw before Hyunjin’s lips press against yours.

It is so easy to surrender to the taste and touch of him. Instantly, an eruption of emotions and thoughts spiraling out of control fills you, yet your brain focuses only on Hyunjin, Hyunjin, Hyunjin. This is not the first time you have kissed him, nor the first time simply having him so close, but the feeling that radiates from your heart outward is unlike anything you have felt before. This is uncalled for. This is not like two years ago. You were not expecting this.

Hyunjin sighs into the kiss when you lean up to loop your arms around his neck. No sooner have you done this, he breaks away to sit beside you once more, hands reaching for your waist and guiding you to sit over his lap.

You could kiss him all day, you think, palms lying flat by his collarbones before fisting the material of his shirt when his tongue prods at the seam of your lips. Blood seemingly coming to a boil and nerves sparking dangerously, you find yourself quickly sobering up as the minutes tick by, completely and utterly addicted to him and this feeling, this feeling you have craved but never crossed the line for. And now, it’s yours to keep.

Forgetting the braids, you seize the opportunity to rake your fingers through his hair. Different, than how you did earlier. Desperate. Combing it away from his face once, twice, swallowing his groans when you tug at the roots, you realize with a whine that his hands have left your face in favor of dragging down your sides, circling back to squeeze at your breasts, rubbing at your thighs and finally sliding back to your ass, situating you more comfortably on his thighs.

When Hyunjin finally breaks the kiss to journey elsewhere, littering chaste kisses across your jaw, below your ear, down your neck, the weight of your actions finally hits you. It is overwhelming, the way you come spiraling back to reality, and you are not sure if the quiet moan that leaves you is due to the press of something else against your thigh or simply the realization that you are making out with Hyunjin.

You have to stop before you get hurt again.

“Hyunjin,” you gasp, shuddering when his soft lips brush against your jaw, “wait. We need to talk.”

He pauses at this, fingers digging into your sides and you feel his frown against your neck. “What’s there to talk about?” He murmurs, arms sliding around you and tugging you closer, prompting you to wrap your arms around his neck and hug him close and pretend like his boner isn’t digging into you.

It’s your turn to frown. “About us,” whispering, you lift one hand to stroke through his hair, “we need to talk about us.”

“I thought my feelings were very clear,” Hyunjin scoffs, all tenderness in his voice gone. Instinctively, you lean back, blinking at him in surprise. “Unless this is just another one of your games? Does this not mean anything to you, YN? I don’t think I could stomach you running off to Changbin or fucking Chan again.”

His words pierce your heart before you have even fully processed them, hurt flashing across your features and your body goes numb. “What?” Is all you can manage, scrambling to get away from him, chest heaving and eyes suddenly burning with the brine of tears. “What are you talking about, Hyunjin?”

“You know exactly what I’m talking about!” He shouts. You flinch, not from the way he raises his voice, but from the genuine sadness in his eyes. “The past three years have been a constant battle with you. We’re best friends, for fucks sake, I figured out a long time ago that you have feelings for me. Feelings more than best friends. Yet every fucking time we started moving in the right direction, you turned your back on me.”

You can do nothing but stand there and let the tears fall. All the words and bottled emotions you wish to say are right there on the tip of your tongue, but you simply cannot bring yourself to voice them. Not when he’s right. Not when you have turned your back on him time and time again.

And then, he hisses more to himself than you, “Is this just sloppy seconds? You never once thought about my feelings in all of this?”

The anger brewing within you suddenly bursts from the dam and hisses through your body like deadly poison. “Sloppy seconds?” You snarl, fists clenching. “Who the fuck do you think you are? Your feelings? You just said you know how I feel about you, so why didn’t you ever do anything about it? How was I supposed to know you felt the same?”

“I thought it was pretty fucking obvious,” Hyunjin spits back, gaze narrowing, “didn’t think I had to spell out the fact that I like you, YN. You’re a smart girl.”

“Do not treat me like a child,” clenching your jaw, you have to look away for a moment, pacing one, two, three steps, hands raking through your hair and wiping away the stream of tears from your cheeks. You have never been filled with such rage. Having finally reached its boiling point, it now consumes you whole, sweeping off in waves and destroying all boundaries. “Confessing is not an easy thing, as you apparentlyknow, so don’t make me seem like the only idiot here. But maybe I was wrong about you if you think of me as just sloppy seconds.”

“I never said that!” Hyunjin barks, standing up to grasp your wrist when you turn away to grab your keys. “Don’t put words in my mouth! I would never, never think of you that way. I just don’t understand why you never spoke up after all this time. I’ve been dying, YN, you have no clue how badly I have been—”

“Oh, believe me, I know,” you snap, yanking your arm away from him, “I told you, Hyunjin. Telling someone you love them isn’t as easy as learning to ride a bike. You’re right, I have turned my back on you. But not intentionally. I’ve been scared, I’m a pussy, whatever.” Biting your top lip as if it will stop the tears that continue to fall freely, you avoid looking at him and glance back to find not only Seungmin, but Jisung and Changbin, too, peeking out from their doors with eyes blown wide with shock. Once you have noticed them, however, they panic and scramble to get out of sight.

Sighing shakily, you look back to Hyunjin and cannot ignore the way your heart sinks at the sight of him. Even upset, he is beautiful. You wonder how much you will see him after this.

“You don’t have to tell me you like me back to make me feel better, Hyunjin,” bouncing on your heels, you suddenly feel exhausted, body and soul heavy with the words you not only spoke, but heard, too. “We can figure this out another day, but for now, I need to go home. I’ll see you.”

Turning away once more, you do not make it very close to the front door before he stops you once more. “Wait, YN,” Hyunjin huffs, smiling softly when he reaches for your hand and you do not pull away. Running his tongue over his lip, he seems to hesitate for a moment, trying to gather his thoughts.

“Did you mean it when you said you love me?”

⇢ epilogue

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neutron-stars-collision · 4 years

Text

The Art of Inversion

Neil x Reader

Chapter 6 - The Undisclosed Desires

Previous Chapters: Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3, Chapter 4, Chapter 5

Summary: The day of the New York mission, emotions are running high and tension rises...

Warnings: Cursing.

Author’s Notes: Here it is, much shorter than usual but crucial... Hope you enjoy and please let me know what you think!

If you had hoped that after such an eventful night and morning, you would have a more peaceful day, you soon realised that it was not going to happen. Neil went straight to work, and you could only join him, warily eyeing him from time to time. It seemed as though he could perfectly switch from whatever mood has possessed you both in the morning to strictly professional in no time.

And if he would occasionally brush his hand over yours or accidentally touch your knee when rehearsing the conversation, then you would certainly not pay it too much attention.

Most of the conversations that day focused on the cover, the conversation you would have to have with Steiner, and what to do if you fucked up. It was already past 4 and you still felt like you had to be more prepared. You took another sip of the coffee, feeling the headache pounding in your head.

“Right so…” you took a deep breath, trying to memorise the lines “Can we go over all this again?” you looked at Neil and tried very hard not to let your eyes wander.

“Yes” he nodded and consulted his own script “I’m James Farrow. Or at least that’s the name I chose to use this time” he winked “I’m interested in the plutonium piece because it could be crucial to our new investment” at that he reached out to touch your knee, again.

You glared at him.

“May I remind you we’re supposed to be business partners? Not married or dating”

While it was enjoyable, you slowly started to get wary of him going off-script. It was one of the things you really hated as you always had to follow the strict guidelines, or else you were lost. Meanwhile, it seemed like Neil thrived when he was given the room to improvise. You just hoped that will not get you killed.

“I don’t see why we can’t be business partners that sleep with each other” he looked up at you coolly “Occasionally” he bit his lip.

You stared, suddenly aware that the conversation steered off the tracks massively. If it was not for the stress, you would give in.

“Because that would be unprofessional” you shifted away from him slightly “And potentially damaging towards future partnership” you shrugged, feigning nonchalance that you did not feel.

It seemed like he caught on to what you were implying as he nodded and went back to the script.

“Our new investment has something to do with nuclear weapons deal” he summarised the next point after a short silence “Which you can tell him more about…?”

It was almost as if the short exchange never happened, and he was looking at you expectantly to fill in your part of the story. You wondered how long it would take before you end up with whiplash from his constant change of moods.

“So our investment is entirely classified, but I’m supposed to hint towards the involvement of Russia and North Korea…” your eyes roamed the room while you tried to gather thoughts “If he asks for details, I have to say that we’re on the brink of making a deal with a Russian oligarch for a missile which he wants to use for personal protection” your eyes involuntarily landed on Neil again. He was observing your attempts with a fond smile, and once again you felt the annoying flutters show up “That should be enough, right?” you gave up on trying to remember more.

“Well done” he smirked and looked back at the script again “After that, we need to ask him how he acquired the piece and whether there are any other interested parties. I’ll try to lead the conversation, but if he asks you anything you need to be prepared” his blue eyes fixed on you with the serious expression “What’s your name?”

“Jane Sloane” you frowned “Which, in my opinion, is a rather shit fake identity name, but who am I to know” you throw your hands in defeat.

Neil burst out laughing at that, you eyed him curiously.

“What? James Farrow sounds like some London aristocracy fuck boy turned weapons dealer. Actually Neil gives off the same vibes...”

You looked at him to see him doubled down in laughter, and the image made you smile. He calmed down after at least a minute and looked at you with a wide grin.

“I’ve got to ask TP to send me on missions with you exclusively from now on” You shrugged and beamed back, enjoying the moment. But the stress you felt was not allowing you peace.

“First we need to survive this mission” you replied “And I’m not sure we have a back-up plan if he doesn’t believe our story”

“Oh we do, don’t fret” dramatically he flipped the dossier open and fished out another page “Basically if any of us starts feeling that things are going south, we should give each other a sign and evacuate as soon as possible”

“What sign?” you watched as he seemed to think fast.

Then he moved closer to you and squeezed your knee while looking at you innocently.

“Can that be a sign?”

“Why do I feel like you’re just looking for an excuse to do that” you glared at him.

On purpose, he let his hand linger on your thigh, before smiling widely and resuming to look at the file.

“I’d say that’s wishful thinking but think you know better than to believe that” he spoke after a short silence and you glanced up surprised.

“What?” you tried to decipher the secretive smile that appeared on his face.

“Nothing” he shrugged, and you felt like he tried to say something without actually saying it.

One thing was for certain – Neil was frustrating. You sighed and covered your face with your hands. Of course, he noticed.

“You alright there?” he gave you a little nudge.

“Apart from desperately wanting to murder you, yeah I am” you glanced at him with annoyance.

The feeling only got stronger when he grinned widely as though he has been flattered.

“I’ve been told that’s the effect I have on people”

“Great” you tried to focus on the work “It would be amazing if we could start getting prepared soon… Because I might need some time to embody the Jane Sloane look” you mused, trying to get your thoughts together.

“If you mean the look of a foxy, beautiful weapons dealer, then you’re ready to go” he eyed you quickly and then winked when you met his gaze.

Fucking hell…

“Remind me to tell TP that I hate you” you got up from the sofa “I’ll go over the rest of this in my room”

“You love me really” Neil called out after you, but you didn’t dare turn.

Closing the door with a thud felt good. It seemed like after the morning’s blunder he was determined to piss you off… or to make you want to kiss him just to shut him up. He succeeded at both. Supposedly your internal rule not to fall for co-workers was bound to be broken.

Groaning you went back to the script, desperately hoping you can still learn some of it with the little time that was left. But once the clock struck 6:30 PM you decided to wing it, despite feeling anything but confident. You dutifully got ready, put on heels (which you were pretty sure were going to kill you), and fixed make-up to be a bit more ‘out there’ than your normal look. Looking into the mirror you were not sure you were convinced but it would have to do. You grabbed the clutch bag (with a gun and phone inside) and knocked on Neil’s room. You were not going to make the same mistake again.

“Come on in” he called out and only then you opened the door.

This time he was fully dressed. Thankfully. You eyed him quickly and cursed the obvious:

“You know it’s unfair that you can just wear your normal clothes while I have to risk getting killed in those fucking heels” to punctuate the sentence you raised one leg and huffed.

“Fair point” he grinned “You look good though. As usual” the roguish smile was back in force.

“Thanks” you looked at him warily “I hope Steiner will appreciate my efforts” you joked, feeling the tension rise.

You had to leave soon, and that was not helping in trying to stay calm. But Neil, naturally, noticed and closed the safe distance you tried to keep. He combed his ruffled for the occasion, and his smart suit reminded you of the day you met. Quite a lot has changed since that day, you mused. He tipped your chin so that you had to meet his gaze.

“Are you alright?” the affectionate look in his eyes made you feel vulnerable.

“Coping” you responded honestly “Nearly got sick while getting ready and pretty sure I’ll pass out before we get there”

“Can I help in any way?”

“Just don’t be annoying” his hand moved to caress your neck, and you shuddered “And follow the plan” you breathed out the sentence.

His touch was slowly overwhelming your senses, and you wondered how obvious that was. Judging by the smirk on his face, it was pretty evident. The advantage of the situation was that you no longer felt the anxiety quite so strongly.

“I’m sure we’ll be great, with the plan or not” his hand rested on your shoulder now “If you start feeling worse, squeeze my hand or something, and I’ll try to divert their attention” he smiled at you.

You beamed back instantly. His effect on you was somewhat concerning, you had to admit. You let yourself look at him for a little longer, enjoying the way his blue eyes sparkled in the light.

“We need to get going now I’m afraid” Neil’s voice brought you out of the reverie.

You took a deep breath and straightened your back.

“Lead the way”

*** You arrived at Benny’s 10 minutes too early, which could be partially blamed on your irresistible urge to walk too fast when stressed. Neil dragged you over to the side of the neighbouring building so you would not be seen loitering suspiciously and sent a text to Raul.

“He’ll let us know when Steiner comes so we can show up” he explained as you glanced over his shoulder at the phone.

You were stood on the threshold under a thin tin roof, with barely a meter of space available between you.

“First we have to hope no one tries to sell us ecstasy or something” wearily you eyed the murky building you took shelter by.

Neil glanced at you with astonishment before breaking out into a laugh.

“Think ecstasy would actually improve the experience” he calmed down and shrugged, putting on the well-known smug smile.

You feared that the game was on again. You could always have fun with it.

“I’m no expert on drugs but believe it would… complicate some things” you mused while looking up at him with a serious expression.

“You think so?” he stared at you with intense focus, both amused and fascinated by the conversation.

You just nodded, letting yourself be drawn closer by his stare. He always seemed to have the pulling in effect on you. Before you realised you were stood right in front of him, faced with his slightly skewed tie. Without thinking, you reached to tug it down and straighten the wrinkles. When you looked up, Neil’s eyes were boring into yours with passion that took you by surprise. His lips were slightly parted. Puzzled, you tried to catch his gaze again, but his eyes were fixed on your lips. Your breath hitched as he closed the gap and captured your lips with his. He kissed you with eagerness that made you stumble half a step back. His hands caught you on the waist in a flash and pulled you flush against him. That is when your brain finally caught up, and you started to kiss him back with your hands entangled in his hair. You felt breathless but did not mind. Your head was empty, just lost in the moment.

But the spell was broken the moment his phone buzzed in the front pocket of the suit jacket, and he let go of you abruptly. You stared at each other with mirroring stunned expressions before he sighed and took out the phone. You knew what that frown meant. It was time to go.

#tenet #neil tenet #neil tenet x reader #neil x reader #neil tenet imagine #neil tenet fanfic #tenet fanfic #robert pattinson #the art of inversion

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nanami-says · 3 years

Text

Part IV (3/5): Chapters 40~44

Chapter 40

[Mai to Miwa]

“Maki? She’s worthless”

She actually calls her “just a small fry” here. Which imo is more dismissive than just outright derogatory like in the official release.

“An iai technique huh? That’s strange. I have the advantage in terms of reach. She’s probably looking to disarm my cursed tool and create an opening.”

⇒”An iai [technique], huh? On top of that there seems to be some trick to it. With our difference in reach… rather than myself, she’s probably looking(...)”

Not mistranslated per se other than the “there seems to be a trick to it” line, which imo shouldn’t have been simplified to just “that’s strange”. But the original showed Maki’s thought process better.

“She broke it with her leg? Why is she negating her reach advantage.”

⇒ ”She broke it?? With her thigh?? You’re getting rid of your reach advantage here??”

Again, the meaning was all there but some of the characterisation was lost. Miwa sounded so frantic and full of disbelief here, haha.

[After Mei states that Maki should get promoted at least 2 ranks ASAP]

“I agree but her family seems to be getting in the way”

⇒ “I think so too, but you know, the Zen’ins keep getting in the way. It stinks, right”

More casual speech overall in the original, also Gojou’s more colourful language got a cut again.

MM:“Heh… I don’t understand connections not based on money”

G:“And you’ll always be a cheapskate.”

I get why they went with “cheapskate” here, as the word Gojou originally uses would be accurately translated as “miser”, which’s the kind of word most people would have to check in the dictionary. (I know I had to.) Nevertheless it’s interesting to me how Gojou basically alternates between super casual speech and much less common terms like this one. He seems to like wordplays in general?

“Anyway, I can’t help but notice the video feed around Yuji seems to be a little inconsistent”

⇒ “Leaving that aside, the video around Yuuji keeps on cutting off for a while now, no?”

Again, meaning is there, the characterisation - sort of I suppose? But he was being more casual/straight to the point in the original.

[In reply to Gojou’s question whose side she’s on]

“Whose side? I’m on the side with money, of course. There’s no value in something that can’t be bought since you can’t exchange it for money.”

“Which side? I’m an ally of money, of course. Because there’s no value in things that cannot be exchanged for money. For you see, it cannot be exchanged for money."

I know it sounds like she’s repeating herself but that’s because she actually is. She’s literally saying that there’s no value in something that can’t be turned into money PRECISELY BECAUSE it can’t be turned into money lol. Also, imo “on the side with money” kind of muddled the nuance a bit. Other possible translations for "exchange" include "replace", ”turn into”.

Gojou in reply to above.

“I wonder how much!”

Actually closer to, “[I wonder] how much did you pile up”. The actual phrase is just “just how much did (...) pile up/stock”, so you have to supply the subject by yourself.

“I’m not sure what you guys have planned but Yuji’s different now”

⇒ “I don’t know what you’re scheming but Yuuji won’t be killed so easily anymore”

Again, the basic meaning is there but a lot of subtler nuance got lost.

(jp)

[Explanation on how the school can tell which side exorcised which curses during the competition]

“Talismans are placed on curses released in the area. When a curse is exorcised, the corresponding talisman also disappears. Using cursed energy, we’ve made arrangements for the following -- exorcisms made by the Tokyo school will be indicated with a red flame, while Kyoto’s will be blue. Maki is also participating, so we’ve made sure her exorcisms are marked red as well.”

When I read this for the first time in English, I found this explanation rather unclear. No wonder I did, as it omits vital details such as the original mentioning "recording cursed energy in advance" which imo seems to be pointing to them registering samples of all students' energy.

And then the Maki line adds that since Maki is there too, exorcisms performed by UNRECORDED forces will be marked red as well. And that's why later on the teachers weren't able to immediately discern whether the sudden destruction of curses was done by an outsider or not.

“All those one-on-ones. Did they forget the main objective?”

⇒“(...) Everyone’s waaay too disinterested in the game.”

“Main objective” sounds kinda formal and imo that wasn’t the nuance for the line.

[Nobara to Nishimiya]

“Got down here, you stupid witch!!”

Actually “you shitty witch”. Nanami would be proud ;;

“How dare you hit my sacred face.”

I like their take on this but it’s hilarious in the original because the word she uses literally means “your countenance”, as in you’d normally use it to respectfully refer to someone else’s face, definitely not about your own. And then she adds a “go-” prefix, which further ups the level of reverence haha.

“A scar on the face can be a good thing for guys. But not for girls.”

Not really a mistranslation, but I love the original wording with its juxtaposition of a scar on the face being likened to an "order" for a man and a "blemish"/"defect" for a woman. It adds so much more depth to the line.

[Nishimiya after she points out how unfair the jujutsu world is towards women compared to men]

“And Mai has to deal with even more discrimination than that”

Actually something closer to ”irrationality”, “unreasonableness”, “unfairness”, “derision”. Discrimination was the translators’ interpretation of that, I suppose.

Chapter 41

[About Inumaki’s technique]

“Cursed speech is words with spirit. Essentially, it’s infusing sound with cursed energy”

...They translated it the other way around (“the spirit of words”) in ch. 33… Needless to say, this is still the same technique and still the very same term being used. I’d be leaning towards the more commonly used translation of “the spirit of language”.

“However if you’re not sure it’s coming… you’ll be in a constant state of unease. Protecting your head is difficult as it is”

⇒ “On the other hand, if you don’t know if it’s coming or not, you’re constantly distracted. Even though protecting the inside of my head is already something I’m not used to doing”

Not really mistranslated but I wanted to propose an alternate translation, especially for the second part.

“Inheriting the Zen’in family cursed technique is reserved for the privileged. Every other jujutsu sorcerer starts at a level much further below. And even within their family, some women aren’t treated equally.”

⇒ “Unless you inherit the Zen'in family's cursed technique, you start out as a sorcerer from a losing position. And for women, some of them are not even allowed to stand on that starting line"

Just an overall different meaning for the whole fragment. After all, it’s not like you can control who will inherit what technique, even if you’re from one of the three big families. Also it was about women being discriminated on a more fundamental level.

“Can someone who thinks that curse Yuji is an ally really understand?”

⇒ “How about you try thinking hard with that head of yours that can even mistake [that] curse for a comrade?”

Written with “Itadori-kun”, read as “[the] curse” - there’s no reason for Nishimiya to call him “Yuji”. Also she actually says 仲間/nakama here, which, as I stated before, I personally prefer to translate as “comrade” in the context of jjk. The official release seems to alternate between “ally” and “friend”, which are rather distant terms imo. I’m not sure either what’s their basis for when they go with “ally” because they also used it when Gojou was talking about raising a future generation of strong and bright comrades in ch. 11 (refer to part II).

[Nobara in response to above]

“Does that mean we have to forgive the unfortunate no matter the circumstances? And if someone is blessed with a fortunate life, do they deserve to be ridiculed?”

⇒ ”So if someone’s unfortunate, they’re free to do whatever they want? Then what? If in turn a person is [more] fortunate, you’re not gonna be satisfied unless you can talk behind their back?”

In the original Nobara speaks in shorter sentences and uses rather simple language, which imo really conveys how angry she is about Nishimiya’s words. It wasn’t really a philosophical conversation.

“Have any of you ever stopped to consider the person behind the curse you’ve condemned?”

⇒ “And have you people even thought what kind of a person the idiot that you’re trying to curse [from now] is?”

Not “condemn as a curse” but “that you people are cursing”! Huge distinction imo.

“What do I care about whether someone’s perfect or if something’s fair? Is your life just a job?”

⇒ “Are you obliged to stand up to [things like] ‘perfection’ or ‘unfairness’? (...)”

Lit. “where’s the obligation to live up to”. Emphasis mine! Nobara wasn’t saying she doesn’t care whether someone is perfect or not, imo the nuance was more that there’s no need to force yourself to try and meet people’s expectations/standards.

“Boys versus girls? Give me a break! Just shut the hell up! I love dressing up and being beautiful! I love being strong!”

⇒ “Boys this, girls that? I don’t give a damn! Just do it all by yourselves if you wish! I love myself who dresses up beautifully! I love myself who [always] strives to be strong!”

I know fandom loves the “I love being beautiful! I love being strong” line - it definitely is short and impactful! But I actually really like the nuance that “strive to be/remain strong” has because it implies Nobara’s constantly putting in effort to improve herself and get stronger. Also the nuance of “I love myself who’s all those things [and more]” (emphasis mine) rather than simply “I love being those things”/“I love the act of”, even though to an English speaker the former may sound a bit awkward.

[Mai saying she can’t contact Mechamaru after his fight]

“It’s not a good sign if he was forced to use his finishing move and this is the end result.”

⇒ “If it’s like that [that we can’t contact him] despite him being forced into a corner to the point of having to use his finishing move, then he’s probably lost”

This was Mai speculating Mechamaru has most likely lost if they can’t contact him despite him having used his special move.

“I need you”

⇒ “If you’re not here, we’re in trouble”

Rather than Mai needing her personally, this was her reiterating Nishimiya’s importance to the team. (Same phrasing as in ch. 35.)

Chapter 42

[About Maki and her family]

Y:“But why wouldn’t they want someone so strong?”

N:“They don’t wanna accept someone they’ve already rejected. They’re stupid that way”

⇒Y: “Wouldn’t a jujutsu family welcome a strong sorcerer with open arms?”

N:“(...) Because they’re stupid/idiots.”

Slightly more informative for Yuuji’s line in the original imo. Let’s not forget that Yuuji’s still super new to the jujutsu world, so he’s not really familiar with its inner workings. Imo this line had such a nuance.

“So we have to win this event. You better put your life on the line!”

Not incorrect as much as it's just so much funnier in the original because she tells him to put enough effort to die one more time lol (emphasis mine).

[Maki to Tokyo team, telling them to focus on the competition rather trying to make her look good]

“Don't’ worry about me”

⇒ “Don’t think about unnecessary stuff”

Imo this showed Maki’s personality better.

[Mai to Maki, in her head]

“You thought you could get the jump on me? While keeping your distance as well?”

⇒ “So what if you’re in my blind spot. Aren’t you dumb to put distance between us”

This was more about it being advantageous for Mai, a gun being her weapon, if Maki gets farther away from her.

“I knew it! Maki has something I don’t”

⇒ “I knew it… Maki has a talent I don’t have”

How a single exclamation mark can completely change the meaning of a whole line. Yes, it is “I knew it” but as in “I understood it”, “I felt it”. It’s not some revelation about the fight itself, it’s the beginning to Mai’s retrospection about herself and Maki and their approaches to life that follows after. Also, it literally says “talent” there, not to mention the line gets repeated word for word at the end of the same chapter for emphasis before the conclusion is given to Mai’s musings. (Gege seems to like this particular trick a lot, huh?)

”Did you hear about the daughter of the Ougi?"

Hmm, I tried googling the phrase with “Ougi” in it just to check if it can have some hidden meaning but found out even Japanese fans weren’t sure about the exact meaning of the word. Probably a name, either of a person or of a place.

[Mai thinking about Maki]

“You were always so carefree. I hated it. You just kept moving fearlessly forward into the future”

⇒ “I hated how you were always boldly pushing your way towards the future as if you had no worries/unease”

Imo a slightly different nuance for this line (which’s just a single sentence). “I hated how” could also be “I hated you for” and other translations for “pushing your way to” include “plunging forward”, “pushing on”.

(jp)

[About Mai’s cursed technique]

“Unlike creating an object inside a domain, objects created with cursed technique: construction will not disappear after the spell is finished. However, an immense amount of cursed energy is used, which has a harsh effect on the body”

⇒ “Unlike materialisation of an innate domain within the barrier that occurs in ‘domain expansion’, objects once created with Construction Technique will not disappear even after the technique has finished. That’s why(...)”

Ever wondered why domain and domain expansion related stuff is impossible to understand? Well, here’s why. They only left “inside a domain” out of the whole explanation... “Materialisation” was actually “realisation” but I thought the former would be easier to understand. Also it literally says only “realisation of an innate domain” but imo it could be also interpreted as “inner domain and things within in”.

(jp)

“Maki has something I don’t. Kinda like Mechamaru’s Heavenly Restriction but the opposite. You were supposed to be born with a cursed technique but you traded that in for superhuman physical abilities. This skill was shunned by the Zen’in family. And it’s an ability I don’t have.”

⇒ “Maki has a talent I don’t have. (...) A talent which didn’t get appreciated in the Zen’in family and which I didn’t possess”

Like I pointed out earlier, this is the conclusion to Mai’s retrospection about herself and Maki and some of its effect was, in the original, achieved by repeating the line about Maki’s talent that Mai didn’t have, and by further expanding on it here.

Chapter 43

[About Kamo’s attack]

“A trace of blood on the arrow fletching. Like I thought, Kamo’s technique defies physics”

⇒ "The physics defying trajectory [of the arrow] was because of Kamo-san's cursed technique after all"

More informative in the original, I’d say. The arrows themselves are (and look) normal, hence double the wham i suppose?

[Megumi about Kamo’s Blood Manipulation Technique]

“The ability to control whatever touches his blood”

⇒ "The ability to control his own blood and whatever is stained with it"

Why would they skip the "the blood itself" bit…

[Kamo about Megumi’s Ten Shadows Technique”

“A cursed technique passed down in the Zen’in family”

Just to be clear, it’s actually specified here that it’s “one of the techniques”.

[Kamo about his technique]

“I can manipulate blood beyond its form or motion”

Once again sounds a bit like a more general explanation. “To manipulate blood means (...)”.

[After Megumi calls him out on doping]

“Very good. Although I don’t appreciate the negative connotation”

⇒ “But I’d prefer if you stopped with the vulgar phrasing”

Simpler, more direct language here.

[After Maki’s taken off with Miwa’s sword in tow]

“Mai’s sister is gone. Well, that makes sense. I’m useless without my sword”

⇒ “Mai’s older sister has gone somewhere. Well, it was a correct call as I can’t fight without my sword”

The phrase used here that got translated as “I’m useless” while can indeed mean something similar has the nuance of “to not be useful [in battle]” . So although it’s not incorrect per se, I’m not sure if I’d go with “useless” myself, especially because it comes with tandem with “correct call”/”good decision” wording. She DOES literally say she’s useless later on though.

“We’re a little disorganized after all”

Not incorrect per se but imo the original line might’ve had the nuance of “we’re not monolithic [as an organisation]”.

“Use this scent and whistle to control it. If you can, make it kill Itadori”

⇒ “This scent and whistle were used to train him [this cursed spirit]. If a chance arises, use it well and kill Itadori”

I’m not sure if this can be interpreted as it being JUST the curse itself that’ll do all the work.

Chapter 44

“- Why does everyone torment mother?

- Because she’s a broken mistress”

Closer to “dissolute”, I think. Also the word used for “mistress” can also mean “concubine” and “kept woman” but it’s apparently also an old expression for “close female servant”. It’s hard to say which it could have been without more context but it’d actually make a lot of sense if it was the last one, especially given the fact how Kamo is one of the olden jujutsu families, and very traditional at that.

“Then why do you favour me? Why did you deceive me into becoming a heir”

⇒ “(...)Then why did you take me in and lie about me being a heir”

I may be wrong but it doesn’t sound like they deceived Kamo himself but rather, everyone else. The word used also means “falsify”. “Favour” here is the same word as for “patronage”, btw.

“Then as the heir to the head of the Kamo family(...)”

It’s just “the next head” here, possibly an allusion to his plans for /after/ he becomes the clan head.

[After Kamo praises his growth as a sorcerer]

“Why are you acting all familiar with me?’

⇒ “What’s with this sense of comradeship you keep on showing?”

Not incorrect per se but I found the phrase he used interesting. Also means “fellowship”.

“I intend to kill Yuji Itadori”

“By principal Gakuganji’s order?”

“No, this is my decision.”

⇒ (...) “No, this is my personal/individual judgement.”

Emphasis Gege’s. The word does mean “decision” as well but imo “judgement” (as in “call”) fits better here.

“As a member of the Kamo and the big three families, I believe it is the right decision. You should also understand it. (I must play the part of the heir to the Kamo family)”

⇒ “(...) I consider it a correct call. It’s something you should be able to understand as well. (I must conduct myself as is appropriate for the heir of the Kamo family)

Lit. “think it’s(...)” for the first bit. Imo “you should also understand” could imply that Kamo’s trying to convince Megumi here but in the original it’s more him appealing to the common understanding he feels must already exist between them because of their similar positions within their respective families. Also, wording his inner thoughts as “must play the part” was imo giving off a wrong impression.

Cont. from above

“You and I are the same”

Not wrong but the original has the connotation of “the same kind”.

“He’s saying some scary stuff”

Skipped “all of sudden" here.

(jp)

“(I’ve never thought of myself as doing the right thing.) Actually, I’m sorry. I don’t care if I’m right or wrong. I only believe in my conscience. I will follow my conscience and save people. If you disagree with that then, let’s agree to curse each other.”

⇒ ”(...) No, I’m sorry, that is incorrect. It’s just that I believe/have faith in my own conscience. I will help/save people the way my conscience tells me. So if you’ve denied that, then there’s nothing left but to curse each other.”

Again, like in ch. 9 (refer to part I), the nuance here was actually that Megumi will save people BASED on his conscience. Here it’s literally “I will save people according to my conscience” (emphasis mine), which imo heavily implies that he will choose which people to save, as had already been indicated in ch. 9 as well. This is a huge distinction from the way he’s been (mis)portrayed in the official release as just wanting to save people because that’s what his conscience says or because he thinks that’s the right thing to do. (That’s Yuuji). Also, the way they phrased it as basically “let’s agree to disagree” was imo way too mild. And it wasn’t just “if you disagree” but “if you contradict/negate/renounce”.

“A shikigami! It was still around?!”

Not sure but given the context it might’ve meant “so he still had some left” instead.

Cont. on next page

“He used a wounded shikigami as a decoy!”

⇒ “He used a shikigami at the verge of being called off as a decoy!”

“This uses too much cursed energy, so I can only summon it once”

⇒ “This eats a lot of cursed energy so I can only summon it solo”

Lit. “a shikigami before the release/dissolution” for the first one. Coupled with Megumi’s reply, which was “as a stand alone” instead of “only once”, imo the whole thing meant that Megumi called the frog off intentionally.

[Megumi about the elephant shikigami]

“It only recently surrendered to me.”

⇒ “I’ve only exorcised it very recently”

Seems like they confused “to exorcise” (調伏) for “to surrender” (降伏)...The word he uses here is the former, it also means “to unwish”!

Btw, “surrender” is actually used later in the manga when Getou’s curse manipulation is discussed in the Gojou’s Past arc (ch. 73).. So to me there definitely seems to be a distinction between those two terms and which techniques they apply to.

[to part iv (4/5)]

#jujutsu kaisen #jjktranslation #jjk #jjk translation #jujutsukaisen

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no6secretsanta · 3 years

Text

Don't Say It

Hello and happy holidays to you, @glorifiedscapegoat! I hope you enjoy this cheerful little modern AU fic I wrote for you! I always love writing Nezumi and Shion as carefree teens in a world that isn’t trying to destroy them (we all deserve some peace this year, even the bee boys), and I promise a happy ending!

<3 @weiselzelle

******

For someone who disliked Christmas as much as he did, Nezumi had decorated an awful lot of Christmas cookies, six dozen, to be precise. He’d also listened to the Charlie Brown Christmas soundtrack four times in a row, going on a fifth. Soon, he’d be watching an equally cheesy Christmas movie. It wasn’t by choice. Not exactly, anyway—

It had all started in kindergarten, the year he’d met Shion. They’d become fast friends, and the prospect of not seeing his best friend over winter break had been too much for Shion’s young heart to bear. As a solution, their parents had arranged a playdate over the holidays. Shion had been determined to celebrate Christmas with Nezumi as much as possible, so their day had included as many Christmastime activities as possible. The experience, quite frankly, had been exhausting. Unfortunately, it had only been the start of a long tradition.

Now, if Nezumi had things his way, they’d simply do what they always did when they hung out and nothing extra… but intentionally ignoring Christmas would make Shion sad, which defeated the entire purpose of spending a day together. That was why Nezumi put up with the whole ordeal year after year, and this time was no different.

“So, you still haven’t told me what you want for Christmas,” Shion said as he delicately placed some of the cookies into a shiny, festive tin. “And you can’t say ‘I’ll think on it’ this time, okay? Christmas is in a few days.”

Nezumi picked up a pinch of snowflake sprinkles from a dish and dropped them unceremoniously onto an iced cookie. “I’ll think—”

Shion glared at him before he could even finish the sentence, and Nezumi couldn’t help but laugh.

“Okay, listen, I know I said I’d think on it, but the truth is, I forgot. You know how busy I was before break started,” Nezumi explained.

Shion’s expression softened and he returned to decorating cookies alongside Nezumi. “Yeah, I know. That’s why I didn’t bug you about it sooner. But I really do need an answer today.”

“Well…” Nezumi sighed and looked off. “How about you tell me what you want? I still have to get you a present, and maybe it’ll give me some ideas for what I want, too.” He normally prided himself— secretly— in coming up with clever gifts for Shion, but with Christmas in only a few days, simply asking seemed like his best option.

“Me? Um!” Shion seemed awfully surprised by the question. Judging by the growing blush on his face, however, it was more than just surprise.

Nezumi smirked and leaned closer to his friend. “You’re blushing, Shion. Is it something really dorky?”

Shion looked down, clearly hesitating. “Uh, you’d probably call it that, yeah…”

Nezumi waited for Shion to say more. “…Well? What is it?” he asked, and raised an eyebrow.

“Um…” Shion smiled nervously and tucked a piece of hair behind his ear, still not looking at Nezumi.

Once again, Nezumi sighed. “You’re going to make me guess, aren’t you?”

“I suppose you could try,” Shion replied quietly with a small shrug. His face was as red as ever.

Nezumi smirked. “I’ll take that as a challenge.” He rubbed his chin as he thought. “Hmm, something so dorky that you’d blush about it in front of me… This may be difficult.”

While Nezumi thought about where to start his questioning, Shion began to slowly decorate another cookie.

“Can it fit in a backpack?” Nezumi asked, watching Shion’s expression closely.

“No.”

“What about a locker, then?”

Shion blinked, his eyebrows drawing together slightly. “Um… no? I don’t think so, anyway.”

“And you think I can afford it?” Nezumi asked with a laugh.

“I mean—” Shion laughed as well, though rather nervously. “Y-Yeah.”

Nezumi gave a skeptical look. “You sure about that?”

“Yeah.”

“Okay…” Nezumi picked up one of the cookies he’d decorated and took a bite as he thought. “Is it… something I even know exists?”

Shion laughed a little again. “Yes.” It was the most certain answer he’d gotten yet.

“Okay, so it’s something I obviously know about, judging by that reaction,” Nezumi scoffed. “It’s something that could be put in a box, right?”

“W-Well, I guess so…”

Nezumi frowned. “I mean that it’s an actual object, not like the gift of going somewhere with you or whatever.”

“I guess we could go somewhere for my present,” Shion suggested with a smile Nezumi could only call coy. Of course, very few people even could recognize coyness from Shion. Nezumi knew, though. Shion was up to something.

Nezumi narrowed his eyes. “Second thoughts about challenging me?”

“We could go ice skating again. It’s been years since we last went.”

“We could not go ice skating again,” Nezumi retorted. “I’m not having you pull me down on the ice every five minutes.”

“You are taller than me now, aren’t you?”

Nezumi eyed Shion suspiciously. His latest growth spurt had been a bit of a sore spot for Shion, so why would he bring it up now? “I sure as hell am, you little runt.”

Shion’s blush fully returned and he averted his eyes. “S-So, that means I wouldn’t make you fall if I lost my balance, right?”

Crossing his arms, Nezumi leaned back in his seat. “I see… Finding the advantages to being your fun-sized self?”

“You know, I never made fun of you this much when you were the shorter one,” Shion said, slathering a bit too much icing onto a large, snowflake-shaped cookie.

Nezumi watched as Shion then dumped an excess of sprinkles onto the cookie. “Oh, come on. You always thought I needed to be protected or something when I was smaller than you, even though you knew I could’ve kicked your ass no problem. I’m going to enjoy this change as much as I wa—”

Shion abruptly shoved the cookie into Nezumi’s mouth, or at least as much of it as he could fit. As soon as it happened, Nezumi cupped his hand under the cookie in a desperate attempt to catch the sprinkles and dripping icing. While Nezumi struggled to eat the messy cookie that was now his responsibility not to get everywhere, Shion returned to decorating more cookies.

“And what kind of friend would I be if I didn’t care about your safety?” Shion asked, though he clearly wasn’t expecting an answer from Nezumi, not after shoving food into his mouth. “Anyway, I think ice skating would work out better now, so— ah!”

Nezumi smeared the icing that had dripped onto his hand across Shion’s cheek. “Here, you dropped something.”

Shion stared in shock for a moment before swiping a bit of icing from the bowl onto his fingertip. Nezumi had a good idea of where that finger was headed. As it drew closer to his face, he opened his mouth and caught Shion’s sugary finger between his teeth. The icing was sweet on his tongue, but Nezumi savored the expression on his friend’s face far more.

“Nezumi!” Shion squeaked when his finger was finally free.

“Yes?”

Shion gawked at his hand as if he’d never seen it before.

“…Yes, Shion?” Nezumi asked again.

“Um!” Shion blinked and shook his head. “W-We should both probably wash our hands before we decorate any more cookies,” he stammered.

Nezumi snorted out a laugh and followed Shion over to the kitchen sink. While he waited for his turn at the faucet, he bumped Shion’s hip with his own. For some reason, that always put a smile on Shion’s face. “Back to my guesses. Is it something I can buy?” he asked.

“Uh, n-no,” Shion replied, his eyes going wide. He turned away as he dried his hands.

“So it’s something I have to make, then?” Nezumi asked.

“N… No.”

“No?” Nezumi finished washing his hands and dried them off as well, thinking over what Shion could be talking about. If it couldn’t be bought and couldn’t be made… “Is it something I already have?”

“Uh…” Shion scratched the back of his neck and returned to the kitchen counter as if decorating even more cookies was an actual priority. “Technically?”

Nezumi scoffed and crossed his arms. “Technically?” he repeated. “What the hell kind of answer is that?”

Shion stared down at a star-shaped cookie he’d picked up. “Um… uh… I say ‘technically’ because…”

“Because…?”

“Well… technically you… have… what I want…” Shion mumbled, trailing off. He set down the cookie and smiled nervously, his eyes focused on Nezumi’s shoulder rather than his face. “Forget I said anything, okay? I like your ice skating idea. How about we do that for my present?”

Nezumi frowned to himself and ripped off a paper towel from the roll by the sink. “That was your idea, not mine,” he corrected, briefly running the faucet again to get the paper towel wet. He approached Shion and began wiping the icing off his cheek. “You forgot something.”

Shion shut his eyes while Nezumi cleaned off his face. “I did? Ha, oops, I guess I did…”

Somehow, exchanges like this made Nezumi dread their inevitable separation that would come with graduating high school. He didn’t like the idea of someone else helping Shion the way he did, taking his place… Would Shion even have him over during the holidays? How many more Christmases would they spend together?

“Hey, Shion?”

Shion peeked an eye open. “Yeah?”

Nezumi turned away to toss the paper towel in the trash and to avoid looking Shion in the eye. “You’re still going to invite me over for Christmas stuff once we’re in college, right?” he asked.

“Huh?” Shion blinked. “Y-Yeah, of course.”

“Good.”

Shion laughed a little and smiled sheepishly. “You know, I was starting to think you didn’t like celebrating Almost-Christmas with me. I’m sort of surprised, given how much you usually complain about Christmas…”

Nezumi let out a laugh as well and leaned his elbows on the counter. “I mean—” The gentle smile on Shion’s face kept him from finishing his sentence. He glanced away.

“Wait, Nezumi, do you secretly like Christmas?” Shion asked, just a hint of a giggle in his tone.

“What? No! I hate Christmas!”

The amusement left Shion’s face. “Oh. Um… Does that mean you don’t actually like doing Christmas stuff with me?”

Nezumi’s stomach sank. He hated seeing Shion sad. Why did he have to say that? “Okay, ‘hate’ may have been too strong of a word. I don’t hate Christmas. Not all of it, anyway,” he quickly explained. “I— Listen, I wouldn’t do this for anyone else, okay?”

Shion fell silent, staring down at the array of cookies before him and chewing his lip. After a long moment, he spoke again. “You know, we don’t have to keep doing the same stuff every year. Honestly, I just kept doing it because it’s what we’ve always done, and you kept agreeing to it, but I… I guess we don’t have to do anything Christmasy if you really don’t want to.”

“I mean, we are gonna hang out over break either way, aren’t we?” Nezumi said, though he knew in his heart that wasn’t what Shion wanted. Shion enjoyed the holiday season and all the pepperminty sweetness that it brought far too much to ignore it all with Nezumi. “Maybe if it’s just… a little less Christmasy,” he offered. His eyes darted around the room, searching for examples of anything seasonal that didn’t make him cringe. “Like… hot cocoa. I like hot cocoa. And I like eating Christmas cookies, just not, you know… decorating several dozen of them.”

Once again, Shion took a long while to respond. Nezumi might’ve been concerned if he didn’t know his friend so well; he knew it meant Shion was deeply considering his words. Besides, having Shion react logically rather than emotionally right now was preferable, albeit expected. After taking a hesitant breath, Shion asked, “Is ice skating too Christmasy?”

Nezumi breathed out a laugh. Of course their discussion had come back to this. “It’s an Olympic sport. I think that exempts it from being too Christmasy,” he replied. Skating really could turn out better than before, if Shion’s reasoning about his height was correct… Compared to watching a Christmas movie, it might actually be fun. “Listen, I’ll take you ice skating right now if it means we skip everything else on today’s itinerary.”

Shion blinked in surprise, finally looking up at Nezumi. “Y-You’re serious?”

“Completely.”

Shion gawked, then shook his head and said, “Um, right! I’ll— I’ll go tell mom what we’re doing!”

Nezumi laughed as Shion hurried out of the room. “I’ll take that as a ‘yes,’” he commented, though he knew Shion had to be on the other side of the house, already and well out of earshot.

Before long, the two boys were buckling into Nezumi’s car, which was parked outside. Nezumi smirked to himself as he turned the key and started the engine. The satisfaction of having a license and a car had yet to wear off.

“It’s still weird that we can just drive places now, isn’t it?” Shion commented, running his fingers along the car door just below the window. “I’ve barely used my bike this year.”

“You mean that I can drive us places now?” Nezumi teased. “Seriously, when are you going to take your test?”

Shion shrugged. “I don’t know. Driving is kind of terrifying,” he said with a small laugh. “Besides, I kind of like…”

Nezumi raised an eyebrow, giving Shion an inquisitive look before pulling out of the driveway and heading down the road. “You kind of like what? You know you can’t just trail off like that.”

“Um.” Shion laughed a little again. “Well, I was going to say that I kind of like when you drive me around, but that sounds sort of entitled, doesn’t it?”

Nezumi scoffed. “Yeah, it kind of does.” Still, he couldn’t help but feel smug.

“I mean it as a good thing, though,” Shion explained. “Actually, I… I really am scared of driving. It’s not that it’s too difficult, it’s just— but—” His sentence sputtered to a halt. Shion forced out an exhale and tried again. “I’m afraid I’ll really mess up and hurt someone, or worse…” He shook his head to himself. “But… when I’m with you, I feel safe. I trust you.”

“Well. Maybe I like driving you around. So it all works out.”

Sure, Shion would eventually have to bite the bullet and get over his fear. For now, though… This was fine, perhaps even preferable. If Shion had a license, Nezumi could easily picture him having a personal crisis over a fender-bender or an unlucky squirrel’s demise. Yes, perhaps this was for the best.

Shion turned his head away, and Nezumi knew that meant either Shion was blushing or something very interesting that only Shion could see was on the side of the road. “Y-Yeah, at least until we graduate. Unless we go to college in the same place…”

They hadn’t discussed college much yet, surprisingly. Nezumi knew Shion planned to go to medical school to become a doctor, but that was about it. He wasn’t even sure what he wanted to do, himself.

“I’m not going to med school with you,” Nezumi laughed.

“Well— just hold on a second, that’s not what I meant,” Shion protested. “I’ve been thinking about this. As long as the school you pick has a pre-med track, I’ll go there.”

They slowed to a stop at a red light. The contrarian part of Nezumi ached to argue with Shion’s suggestion, but he’d secretly been hoping for something like this. He hadn’t let himself think too much about going to college with Shion to save himself the disappointment, but now the possibility was very real.

“…Only if you want that, of course,” Shion added. Nezumi’s silence must have been a blow to his confidence.

The light changed, and Nezumi pressed his foot on the gas pedal. “You’re going to save me from the torture of rooming with a total stranger? Seems like a pretty sweet deal to me.”

“I— er, you mean you like my idea?” Shion stammered. “Really?”

Nezumi shrugged. “Yeah. Why not?”

Shion fiddled with the cuffs of his jacket sleeves instead of looking at Nezumi. “I… I guess sometimes I worry that you’ll get sick of me.”

“Unlikely.”

“What?” Shion looked up. “Really? Because sometimes you get really annoyed with me…”

Shion wasn’t exactly wrong. It had been much worse a few years before, when Nezumi was still grappling with the complicated mess of new emotions he felt toward Shion. It wasn’t the proudest time of his life. “When’s the last time I got seriously annoyed with you, though? I can’t remember,” Nezumi replied.

“Um… I believe it was last year, when we were discussing—”

“It was a rhetorical question, Shion,” Nezumi interrupted. “The point is, you’ve had over ten years to do anything truly unforgivable and you haven’t even come close, which makes you a pretty solid candidate for a college roommate, in my opinion.”

“What about that time at the homecoming dance?” Shion asked.

Nezumi blinked, furrowing his eyebrows. “What the hell are you talking about, Shion?”

“Back in eighth grade, I tried to do some kind of dance a bunch of other people were doing, and you looked me in the eye and said ‘truly unforgivable.’ Remember?”

“I—” Nezumi laughed and shook his head. “I may have overreacted. I hardly remember it.”

“So you aren’t even a little mad about that anymore?” Shion asked.

“No? Why would I be?”

Shion shrugged and sighed, which was a rather unusual gesture from his friend. “I know it hasn’t happened in a while, but you at least used to get mad at me for random stuff, sometimes for a long time. I can’t help but worry you might still be mad about some of those things.”

Nezumi was grateful for the excuse of watching the road so he didn’t have to look at Shion for this discussion. He’d thought they could just move on from that bumpy patch in their friendship without talking about it, but apparently that was not the case. He should have expected as much. “Would you believe me if I told you it was all just a lot of mood swings?”

“If you promised that’s the truth, then yeah, I’d believe you.”

Nezumi resisted the urge to sigh himself. “It’s the truth,” he replied. At least, it was the closest he was willing to get to the truth. He didn’t intend to give out any love confessions today. “I swear I’m not mad at you about any of that old stuff. I’m not mad at you about anything.”

“Really?”

“For now, anyway. I’m sure you could piss me off if you really tried.”

Shion giggled a little. “Okay, I’ll try not to worry about it.”

Nezumi turned into the parking lot outside the skating rink and easily found an empty spot. After they parked, Shion quickly unbuckled his seatbelt, but Nezumi locked the doors and kept his finger on the button to do it again if necessary. Shion looked over at him in surprise.

“Before we go in,” Nezumi explained, “you have to tell me what you want for Christmas.”

Shion gave him a grumpy pout. “I thought going skating was my present,” he argued, fiddling with the lock on his door.

“You know what I’m talking about. Whatever thing I apparently already have that you want. If it’s a sentimental thing, there’s no guarantee I even have it anymore. I don’t save stuff like you do.”

“Well…” Shion averted his eyes, his cheeks growing pink. “I guess I already got what I wanted.”

Nezumi paused, looking ahead as he thought. “…Wait, you wanted to be college roommates for your Christmas present?”

“N-No, not exactly, but— well, yes, it’s basically the same thing.”

“Is it or isn’t it?” Nezumi unbuckled his seatbelt and turned more towards Shion, watching his friend closely. Either Shion was choosing his words carefully or he was planning to bolt from the car.

“I-It’s—” Shion hesitated. “It’s… Nezumi, all I want for Christmas is—”

The pieces came together as Shion spoke, and time slowed down as a terrible realization struck Nezumi. He immediately covered Shion’s mouth with his hand. “Don’t say it!”

The outburst shocked them both into a silence that stretched on for several seconds. Finally, Shion pulled Nezumi’s hand off of his mouth. “What?”

Nezumi felt heat rise from his neck up to his ears. This was going to be difficult to explain. “I-I… You were going to say the name of a Christmas song, weren’t you?”

Shion blinked, then replied, “Oh, y-yeah, I guess so. Um…”

Nezumi had to think fast. He hadn’t thought this conversation would be happening today, or even at all, and it was already off to a rough start. He wasn’t even entirely sure what Shion meant by that kind of request. “Listen,” Nezumi began to explain, though he didn’t really know what he was about to say. He kept talking anyway. “If… if, let’s say, this ends up being something people might ask us about later, I’d rather it not be a reminder of an annoying Christmas song. If what you’re asking for is what I think you’re asking for.”

Shion’s face had turned bright red and his wide, dark eyes were focused on Nezumi’s hands. “Um. What do you think I’m asking for, Nezumi?”

Nezumi almost passed the question right back to Shion, but maybe Shion really couldn’t bring himself to say it. The suave thing to do in this moment would be to answer Shion’s question with a kiss, but Nezumi’s doubts kept him from acting. He settled for a response somewhere in the middle. “It sounds to me like you want a boyfriend for Christmas,” he replied as casually as he could.

Shion didn’t respond, nor did he move. He sat there, frozen in place, clearly unsure of how to proceed.

“…Just nod if I’m right.”

Shion took a small, sharp breath and nodded ever so slightly. Nezumi had never seen his friend look so terrified in his life.

If there had ever been a time to kiss Shion, this was it.

Nezumi had never kissed anyone before, only stage-kissed a few people in drama class, but he reasoned it couldn’t be too different from the real thing. Gently lifting Shion’s chin with one hand, Nezumi leaned closer, lightly closed his eyes, and touched his lips to Shion’s. An odd thrill ran down his spine, which certainly never happened with a thumb in the way— or more likely, with anyone else.

A second later, he felt a jolt of pain as Shion pressed back too hard, too quickly. Nezumi jerked away and pressed his fingers to his aching lip. “Ow—”

Shion quickly pulled back with a look of absolute horror on his face. “I-I’m so sorry!” he stammered. “I didn’t mean to— I’m sorry!”

“It’s fine,” Nezumi said with a small laugh. “Just— hold still this time.”

Ignoring the pain in his lip, Nezumi leaned closer again. Shion shut his eyes and held his breath. Nezumi lingered just inches away for a moment, then withdrew slightly.

“You… do want me to do this, right?” Nezumi asked.

Shion opened his eyes and looked up at Nezumi briefly before averting his gaze and nodding. “I— That is, only if you want to—”

They’d just crossed a new boundary together, and yet they were both afraid to take a single step further. Something about it was utterly ridiculous, but Nezumi couldn’t blame Shion for acting so nervous. After all, if this change ended up being a mistake, there probably wouldn’t be any going back. From what Nezumi understood about the world, lovers could rarely return to just being friends. Could he really risk their entire friendship? Was it already too late to turn back?

Why hadn’t he thought of this before kissing Shion the first time?

“Are you okay?” Shion asked quietly, meeting Nezumi’s gaze for only a split second. “You’re shaking.” His fingers carefully wrapped around Nezumi’s trembling hand.

“You’re shaking,” Nezumi whispered in retort.

“Y-Yeah, but it’s weird for you to be shaking like this,” Shion replied. He wasn’t wrong.

“So what?”

What kind of answer was that?

“Nezumi…” With a sad expression that was meant to be a smile, Shion turned his head away, breaking the tension and leaving Nezumi with an unpleasant sense of disappointment. “I… It’s okay if you don’t want to—”

“That’s not the— listen, Shion,” Nezumi argued. He didn’t dare pull his hand away from Shion’s gentle grasp. “What if this doesn’t work out? Then what? Do you really think everything would just go back to normal? That we’d just go back to being friends?”

A series of expressions crossed Shion’s face before he spoke, and Nezumi wasn’t entirely sure what any of them meant. “We’ve stuck together through everything so far, so I can’t imagine we wouldn’t be able to find a way to get along,” Shion said with a slight smile. “Besides… I really think… this could work out.”

Maybe Shion was being too much of an optimist, but Nezumi had considered that exact possibility before. Maybe they could get through anything together. None of their past disputes had been enough to damage their friendship. His doubts were losing their ground.

“And… what’s the point of acting like we don’t want more from each other now that we know?” Shion added softly, staring down at their joined hands as if looking anywhere else would cause him to lose what courage he had left. “I… I really love being with you, Nezumi.” He’d said that phrase to him many times before, but Nezumi finally understood what Shion was actually trying to say. “I always have,” Shion added, then let out a shaky sigh and briefly glanced up. “…Please say something.”

Nothing felt right to say, but Nezumi had to say something. He couldn’t leave Shion to doubt himself all over again in his silence. With his free hand, he lifted Shion’s chin so their faces were level once more. “Stay still, alright?”

Shion immediately complied, closing his eyes in anticipation of what was to come. If it wasn’t so cruel to make Shion wait, Nezumi would’ve taken a moment to enjoy the blissful expression on his friend’s face. Summoning his own courage, Nezumi leaned in and gave Shion a careful kiss. Shion’s fingers tightened around his hand in response, but he otherwise stayed perfectly still. Nezumi drew back and Shion’s eyes fluttered open, and slowly, a wide smile spread across Shion’s flushed face. Nezumi couldn’t quite stop himself from grinning as well. The thrill of the moment was still sinking in, even after it was over.

“So, um.” Shion sheepishly ducked his head and held Nezumi’s hand with both of his own. “What do you want for Christmas?”

“Hm. Pretty much the same thing as you, I think,” Nezumi answered with the casual shrug of a shoulder. The hand that had been touching Shion’s face came to rest on Shion’s knee, causing him to jump slightly, but neither of them moved away. An unexpected sense of freedom was settling in… the freedom to show his true affections after all this time.

Shion looked up with an embarrassed smile. “Okay, but I like giving you presents. Is there anything else you want?”

“Who says I don’t like giving you presents?” Nezumi scoffed.

“Well, you said you hate Christmas, didn’t you?” Shion replied, visibly confused. “And you’ve complained plenty of times about how trivial you think Christmas gifts are. I thought you would have just stopped giving anyone presents by now if you’re so against them.”

Nezumi sighed through his nose and glanced away. “It’s… complicated,” he tried to explain. “Overall, yes, I think Christmas presents are crap. But this is an exception.” Shion was the exception. Shion somehow always was the exception for him. “It’s… enjoyable to pick out a gift for you, and I know it’s not a wasted effort since you actually appreciate it.”

“I appreciate anything from you,” Shion said far too earnestly.

Nezumi laughed. This was exactly what he had been talking about. “Yeah, I know. It’s—” Instead of editing his words to be a playful jab, he allowed the rest of his thought to leave his lips, “—cute.”

Shion gawked at Nezumi, then covered his beet-red face with both hands. “I-I—!”

“Did I break you?” Nezumi asked with another laugh, using his newly freed hand to ruffle Shion’s soft, brown hair. Making Shion blush had yet to lose its appeal. “Sorry. Well, not really. Have I really never told you you’re cute before?”

“Um!” Shion kept his face covered as he spoke. “N-No, I think you’ve said that every time you’ve seen me dressed up for an event, but I know you were just making fun of me.”

Nezumi hummed thoughtfully. “Was I, though?”

“Wait, were you!?”

“Was I?”

Shion faced forward again and placed his head down in his folded arms on the dashboard. “Argh, which is it!?” he loudly groaned.

Nezumi rarely saw Shion this worked up. He wasn’t sure whether to be proud or sorry. “Is not knowing really that unbearable?” he asked.

“Kind of.”

Nezumi’s eyes scanned over Shion’s hunched, trembling form. His own nervous jitters had thankfully faded away, but Shion case seemed to be the opposite. “Serious question, though… are you going to be able to skate today? You’re shaking like crazy.”

Shion quickly sat up, placed his hands in his lap, and took a deep breath. “I’m fine!” he insisted, though his face was still awfully red and every inch of him shook.

“Are you sure?” Nezumi asked, raising an eyebrow skeptically. “If you’re that tense on the ice, you’ll definitely fall. What’s the matter, anyway?”

“Nothing!” Shion quickly answered and took another deep breath. “Nothing’s the matter! I’m just— I’m— I’m really happy. And excited.” He let out an anxious laugh. “And a little nervous.”

Nezumi felt his own shoulders relax. Had he been tense, too? “Nervous about what?” he asked.

Shion laughed again. “Um. Well, I did kind of punch your mouth with my face a little.”

“It wasn’t that bad. It doesn’t even hurt anymore.”

“That’s good,” Shion said, giving Nezumi a sheepish glance. “Um. But I’m nervous I’ll do it again. But I— w-want to try—” He looked at Nezumi again, this time with eyes full of hope.

Nezumi opened his mouth to reply, then shut it again and closed his eyes. When he still wasn’t kissed several seconds later, he gestured a hand toward his face and prompted, “Well?”

“What? Oh!”

Once again, Nezumi waited.

“Um, hold still,” Shion murmured and gently grasped both of Nezumi’s hands.

Nezumi complied. A moment later, he felt Shion’s lips gingerly touch his. It was over almost as soon as it happened, just a whisper of a kiss, but it somehow left Nezumi’s nerves buzzing long afterward.

“Was that okay?” Shion asked quietly.

Nezumi opened his eyes and smiled. “Completely painless.”

Shion beamed brighter than the sun overhead.

“Still nervous?” Nezumi asked.

Shion shook his head and looked away, still smiling. “No, not really. Only a little.” He gazed out across the parking lot for a brief moment, then grinned up at Nezumi. “Let’s go skating!”

Nezumi laughed, caught off guard by Shion’s abrupt enthusiasm. “You’re awfully confident all of a sudden,” he teased.

“It’s just that— I realized this will be our first date,” Shion replied. “It’s kind of exciting, you know?”

“You mean all those school dances we went to don’t count?” Nezumi scoffed, still smiling. He knew they didn’t really count. Nezumi had only been Shion’s date to keep him unavailable.

“Um— I didn’t think they did,” Shion said hesitantly. “Do they?”

“Not really, no.” Nezumi smirked as a thought crossed his mind. “Did I ever tell you that Safu called me ‘too possessive’ before the homecoming dance this year?”

Shion covered his face with his hands again and leaned his head against Nezumi’s shoulder. “Oh, jeez… No, you didn’t tell me. What happened?”

“She asked me not to ask you to the dance, and I told her that I’d already asked you and you’d already said yes. Apparently that wasn’t quite what she wanted to hear.”

“Thank you. Again,” Shion mumbled. “I only ever wanted to go with you, anyway.”

A part of Nezumi had always suspected as much, but actually hearing it from Shion gave him a smug sense of satisfaction. He slipped his arm behind Shion in a halfway embrace. “Maybe she’ll finally realize you’re not interested in dating her when she spots us making out at your locker.”

“You’re gonna kiss me at school!?” Shion asked in disbelief.

That wasn’t the takeaway Nezumi had expected Shion to get from his words, but Shion was always like that, surprising him in odd ways. “I might,” Nezumi replied. “You’d better watch out.”

Shion blinked, then smiled and stretched to press a kiss to Nezumi’s cheek. “Then I guess you’d better watch out, too.”

Nezumi turned his head away in an attempt to hide how much a little kiss on the cheek was making him blush. He was going to have to get used to this, wasn’t he? “…Noted.”

Shion giggled at Nezumi’s response, then grinned up at him. “Well, then. Shall we go in?”

“Sure. Let’s go.”

They both exited the car, Nezumi locking the doors before meeting Shion on the other side. They joined hands, and just to make things fair, Nezumi gave Shion a quick kiss on the cheek. For the entire walk across the parking lot toward the ice rink, Shion blushed and giggled while Nezumi wore a smug smile on his face.

If this was what celebrating Christmas with Shion would be like from now on… well, Nezumi certainly didn’t mind.

#no6 #no.6 #no. 6 #no 6 #nezushi #weisel #Weiselzelle #glorifiedscapegoat #no6secretsanta #fanfiction #submission

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dotsayers · 3 years

Text

20 Questions: Writer’s Edition

tagged by the beloved @myrmidryad

this is a LONG one so here’s a cut to avoid do you love the colour of the sky syndrome

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

101 after a recent purge... no one may know about my Past

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

329004! used to be about 350k but again... purge

3. How many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

on ao3 i’ve written for (chronologically) doctor who, skyfall, discworld, les mis, star trek, lord peter wimsey, marvel (various), in the flesh, red vs blue, roosterteeth rpf, check please, hockey rpf, star wars, daredevil, rivers of london, dishonored, emmerdale, dirk gently, holby city, hot fuzz, kj charles, guardian, the covert captain, taskmaster rpf, good omens, ghosts, roswell new mexico, leverage, schitt’s creek, the magicians, 9-1-1, it chapter two, the magnus archives, the old guard, the mandalorian, the ritual, the locked tomb

way back on the pit of voles i wrote for twilight, harry potter, hetalia and xmen first class. and on the newsround chatrooms i wrote exclusively harry potter fic about my oc neville and luna’s daughter

as you can tell i am not prone to staying in one fandom writing wise, i tend to end up with one complete fic and seven abandoned wips concealed deep in my google drive

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

finally see what it means to be living (captain marvel, carol/maria, i really hit the zeitgeist with this one i think i was something like the fifth fic in the ship tag)

do whatever you think (the magnus archives, this series is actually #2-7, then #8 #9 and #11 for me so i’m going to cheat a bit)

standing in a world of my own (daredevil, matt/foggy/karen, another zeitgeist hit! really miss writing for daredevil actually... it’s a perennial fave)

a winding road that stretches towards the truth (iron man, tony/rhodey, i STILL don’t know when this got so many kudos. i swear i looked away when it was at 100 and suddenly it ended up here)

where the long shadows grow (star trek aos, kirk prime/spock prime, thank god some people are checking the prime kirkspock tag is all i’m saying!)

5. What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

i don’t really Do angsty endings... possibly a blanket of stars just because i ended it on something of a cliffhanger and then completely zoned out of rnm for long enough that i forgot where i was going with it. there was definitely the intention of fixing things but then i just... did not do that. and now the show is on s3 and i’m over a season behind! life comes at you fast

6. What’s the fic you’ve written with the happiest ending?

where the long shadows grow, because it reunited kirk prime and spock prime and they DESERVE TO BE HAPPYYYY. i’m a complete sucker for presumed dead/back from the dead stories, actually, so on a similar theme i have two (TWO) daredevil fics which follow the trope, one about ray coming back post-s2 (might never be normal again) and one about foggy and matt reuniting post-endgame (in the corner, taking up space). this is the only time i will ever acknowledge endgame ever again

7. Do you write crossovers? If so, what is the craziest one you’ve written?

i do write crossovers! in fact i am often roundly mocked by my friends for the increasingly esoteric nature of my crossovers. way back in secondary i wrote a twilight/labyrinth crossover where angela was sarah and jareth’s daughter because i had a massive crush on a girl who liked both twilight and labyrinth. however, since that has been comprehensively scrubbed from the internet, i think my craziest crossover is probably part three of ‘traced upon the skies’, already an esoteric crossover of rivers of london and hot fuzz, when i added in a crossover with the horror movie ‘the ritual’ just because i wanted rafe spall’s character to be happy

8. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

EXTREMELY rarely and only with extreme embarrassment. i will not be any more specific than that

9. Do you respond to comments, why or why not?

i used to really struggle with doing this, to the point that i had over 300 comments just. lingering in my inbox unanswered. so i decided to give those up and just commit to answering them from then on, which has been working fairly well for about a year and a half now. i love getting comments but i get overwhelmed really easily and struggle with replying in a way which feels meaningful without getting in my head about it!

10. Have you ever received hate on a fic?

yes lmao it was for a harry potter fic on ff.net where harry got sorted into hufflepuff instead of gryffindor. it wasn’t a very good fic but i think the fact it was clearly written by an 11 year old should have scared off at least some of the less flattering comments.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

i don’t... think so? i don’t know how i’d find out to be honest, my vanity googling is rarely very effective

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

yes! as bronze may be much beautified (skyfall, mallory/bond) got translated into chinese, i was extremely pleased. i think it’s mandarin but the ao3 page for the translation doesn’t say and my mandarin is.................. extremely poor

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

also yes! me and jess little-smartass have written a lot together, although only our star trek/les mis series has been published, more’s the pity. we spent a lot of les mis fandom time workshopping aus and we were always extremely correct about all of it, imo

14. What’s your all time favourite ship to write for?

oh god. i think probably kirk/spock, although there’s some recency bias to that since i reread space manhattans recently and was reminded of my love for them. i really like writing jon/martin but i’ve mostly done that from outsider pov which is a bit different to writing shipfic, i think. joe/nicky from tog was also something i really liked writing but i struggle with plotting longer fic with them

15. What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

i recently went through my abandoned fic folder so i actually have a few options for this. the obvious choice would be ‘any of the hockey ones’ but i did delete most of those just for my sanity. more recently i started writing a vaguely smutty pre-the thing mac/fuchs fic for alex @milkdrinker5000 which i really WANT to finish but am struggling with. most obscure answer (even beyond the thing) and most likely to remain unfinished is the insanely in depth post-tog booker/copley fic i had planned out back in about october. i wrote a good 6-7k of that one and then i realised it was going to be, like, difficult, and decided if i was going to put that much work into something it may as well be the novel im meant to be writing

16. What are your writing strengths?

once a friend told me i had an excellent facility for dialogue and ive thought about it every time i write ever since. i love writing dialogue and i think i’m good at knowing what sounds ic and what is right out.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

one of the things i struggled with for a really long time, and honestly still have trouble with, is depicting action in words. once i wrote a hockey fic which featured multiple hockey games and i spent probably four times as much effort editing those to make sense and be interesting that i’ve ever done on a talkier scene.

18. What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

i’ve done it but only when i knew more or less what i was talking about - i did italian at school so i felt confident using it for nicky in something particular and real. i try not to italicise when i drop in words from other languages, which is what i usually do when i’m using a language i haven’t studied in depth (for example, joe’s use of arabic in some of my fic), and to only use words which i’ve heard used by native speakers in that context. i think if you don’t feel confident using another language, generally speaking, you shouldn’t do it. and for god’s sake don’t use google translate for a full sentence

19. What was the first fandom you wrote for?

harry potter on the newsround chatboards. ariana lovegood-longbottom my sweet child

20. What’s your favourite fic you’ve written?

this used to be an easy question because hands down the fic i was proudest of on posting it was i’ll be seeing you. i spent a year and a half on research and writing! but these days i do cringe a little at my hockey fic, and i think i’m prouder of some of my shorter works. let’s do a curveball and say layer on layer, down on down, which is my favourite of my rnm fics and the one i like most from a narrative voice perspective. getting michael right was stressful and i’m still proud i got it down for a TIME LOOP FIC, my absolute favourite trope

tagging @little-smartass and @leescoresbies just in case they want to try this

#gin i can't BELIEVE you wrote for xiaolin showdown. iconic #text post tag #tagged in #writing tag

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ecoamerica · 2 months

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youtube

Watch the American Climate Leadership Awards 2024 now: https://youtu.be/bWiW4Rp8vF0?feature=shared

The American Climate Leadership Awards 2024 broadcast recording is now available on ecoAmerica's YouTube channel for viewers to be inspired by active climate leaders. Watch to find out which finalist received the $50,000 grand prize! Hosted by Vanessa Hauc and featuring Bill McKibben and Katharine Hayhoe!

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librarycards · 3 years

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Hi! I've really appreciated reading your views on the education system and higher education in general, and I don't exactly have a question about that but I guess I am asking for some tips on reading dense academic text. basically I desperately want to consume this book called Authoring Autism, by Melanie Yegeau published in 2018 but it feels so inaccessible to me as someone who hasn't attended college and learned how to read shit like that. it's about neuroqueerness and neurodivergence as an---

identity presented in a queer theory framework and seems like something that would really be up my alley as a queer/trans autistic person and I guess I'm just pissed that it feels hard. do you have any tips on learning how to read academic text and actually stay interested and enjoy it while readily absorbing the knowledge therein? maybe this is a big ask and not something you really have an answer to, but I'm still curious as to your thoughts on it! thx for reading!

hey! this is a really good question, and you’re right that i don’t have one right answer for you, but i can try to give some of the advice that worked for me.

first off, on academic texts and specifically on the yergeau, which i’ve read & adore –– they’re often hard, and authoring autism is dense; this stuff is harder when you aren’t practiced in engaging these type of texts. this is actually my first recommendation –– practice! the *only* reason i feel accustomed to spending time with dense scholarly work is because i’ve done it a ton of times before and i have a plan. there are definitely different degrees of difficulty in various texts, too; you, for example, might want to start with liat ben-moshe or margaret price in terms of Mad/critical ND studies, as i think both are easier accesspoints than yergeau’s highly specific (and also largely unfamiliar to me) rhetoric studies language.

but, yeah. practice! it’s helpful on several levels to start with the seminal texts, not least because there’s also a ton of work by other people elucidating them, and often study guides and questions to help you figure out what’s going on. for example, i’m in a reading group tackling the entirety of Capital this term, which is incredibly challenging for someone (me) unfamiliar with economic theory -- luckily, there are a ton of study guides out there, lectures, videos, and more experienced people in the group to explain terms to me, and i find myself better and better able to understand Marx through all these different interlocutors. even “in my field,” like, you’d best believe i’m reading derrida with at least 3 other tabs open at any given time to cross-check and make sure i’m Getting It.

also, there’s the fact that yergeau themself is building on multiple traditions, but especially w/in queer theory –– these are way easier to get and get through quickly having built up knowledge of heavy hitters like butler, foucault, sedgwick, halberstam (who is cancelled but unfortunately still important in the field), and others. i know some professors of queer studies/gender studies have syllabi up online for intro courses, i’d check out some of those, as well as the bibliography of Authoring Autism, for an idea of who you can read with before turning back to yergeau.

reading shorter chapters, essays, and articles feels more doable in one go than a whole book, and you have a better sense early on of what an argument is going to be (check the abstract and the end of the intro for a “roadmap”). from here, it might be easier to work up to an entire work. with whole books, especially if the topic is unfamiliar, spend a lot of time with the intro, take notes on the structure and organization of the book, the methodology, the examples the author notes from the jump, the terminology they lead with -- taking notes in general is CRUCIAL imo, and having a little base of keywords and ideas to move through the rest of the chapters with is so helpful. also, the intro will have a little summary of every chapter as well as the main argument of the text, which is helpful if you feel lost anywhere in the middle. remember that most of these academic books are composites: they’re built out of dissertations and collections of papers and presentations first given separately. they’re bound for a reason, but can usually be read as standalones.

so we have practicing, chunking, and note-taking so far. i’d also go a step further with the note-taking: a helpful assignment i’ve had in the past is to write a precís, or a general summation of what a text is about, what is it doing, what arguments the author is making, etc, for a given book. these are no more than a paragraph or two. i believe in the saying that “if you can teach it, then you really know it,” and that principle also works for the precís -- if you can get a book down to its bare necessities, it means you really know what it’s doing. think after each chapter you read, could i write a precís on this? can i use 5-7 sentences to sum up what the author is doing? if it feels jumbled, go back to your notes, go back to your highlighted sections, and try again –– and remember that every time you re-read is NOT (NOT!!!!!!!!!!! EVER!!!!!!!) a sign of incompetence, but rather a dedication to the author’s work and a respect for their time and knowledge.

i really want to stress that. struggle, reengagement, rereading, changing perspective....these are very, very good things. necessary. it is completely normal and healthy to have a hard time with scholarly work, even work about one’s own experience. contrary to what a lot of people assume, just because a book is in [ x ] studies doesn’t mean [ x ] is going to understand it; this often comes as a rude awakening when people enter queer studies classes believing it to be an easy A simply because they also happen to be queer. these fields are built on decades / centuries of intellectual tradition that no one inherently Knows, any more than being part of a lineage means you know every single person in your family. what really matters here is a curiosity and dedication to take up a text day after day with the same critical, compassionate eye with which you took up the project of neuroqueer self-determination that brought you here.

lastly, relatedly (and most challengingly for me): accept that you’re never going to understand 100% of anything, ever. as a professor of mine says, give up the patriarchal, colonial desire to “master” a text, to make it submit to you its full, transparent meaning. not only is it not going to happen, but it’s a violent relationship to have with knowledge, both to yourself and your “object.” learning is a lifelong process (hence the importance of re-reading) and Authoring Autism, etc. will stick around regardless of when you’re able to tackle it and in what capacity. i definitely relate to the anger and frustration at feeling “incompetent” in the face of a difficult text, but i try to reframe it as an opportunity to learn, like i’m on a new date and listening to someone tell me about their life for the first time. i won’t get it all on the first try but if it catches my interest, i’ll stick around.

idk if any of this was helpful, and please feel free to message with any other qs, i’m really really really really passionate about ensuring scholarly work is available to those outside the academy & that everyone has the opportunity to engage with it so please consider me a resource in all regards!!

#ask #mosslibrary #ref #academia

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magnetictapedatastorage · 3 years

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I’ve started keeping a list of questions, remnants of a past life that I now need a beat or two to remember, if I can remember at all: What time do parties end? How tall is my boss? What does a bar smell like? Are babies heavy? Does my dentist have a mustache? On what street was the good sandwich place near work, the one that toasted its bread? How much does a movie popcorn cost? What do people talk about when they don’t have a global disaster to talk about all the time? You have to wear high heels the whole night? It’s more baffling than distressing, most of the time.

Full text of the (excellent) article is under the cut. (The Atlantic, March 8th, 2021)

I first became aware that I was losing my mind in late December. It was a Friday night, the start of my 40-somethingth pandemic weekend: Hours and hours with no work to distract me, and outside temperatures prohibitive of anything other than staying in. I couldn’t for the life of me figure out how to fill the time. “What did I used to … do on weekends?” I asked my boyfriend, like a soap-opera amnesiac. He couldn’t really remember either.

Since then, I can’t stop noticing all the things I’m forgetting. Sometimes I grasp at a word or a name. Sometimes I walk into the kitchen and find myself bewildered as to why I am there. (At one point during the writing of this article, I absentmindedly cleaned my glasses with nail-polish remover.) Other times, the forgetting feels like someone is taking a chisel to the bedrock of my brain, prying everything loose. I’ve started keeping a list of questions, remnants of a past life that I now need a beat or two to remember, if I can remember at all: What time do parties end? How tall is my boss? What does a bar smell like? Are babies heavy? Does my dentist have a mustache? On what street was the good sandwich place near work, the one that toasted its bread? How much does a movie popcorn cost? What do people talk about when they don’t have a global disaster to talk about all the time? You have to wear high heels the whole night? It’s more baffling than distressing, most of the time.

RECOMMENDED READING

There’s No Real Reason to Eat 3 Meals a DayAMANDA MULL

The Pandemic’s Future Hangs in SuspenseTHE COVID TRACKING PROJECT

A Quite Possibly Wonderful SummerJAMES HAMBLIN

Everywhere I turn, the fog of forgetting has crept in. A friend of mine recently confessed that the morning routine he’d comfortably maintained for a decade—wake up before 7, shower, dress, get on the subway—now feels unimaginable on a literal level: He cannot put himself back there. Another has forgotten how to tie a tie. A co-worker isn’t sure her toddler remembers what it’s like to go shopping in a store. The comedian Kylie Brakeman made a joke video of herself attempting to recall pre-pandemic life, the mania flashing across her face: “You know what I miss, is, like, those night restaurants that served alcohol. What were those called?” she asks. “And there were those, like, big men outside who would check your credit card to make sure you were 41?”

Read: Sedentary pandemic life is bad for our happiness

Jen George, a community-college teacher from Cape Elizabeth, Maine, told me she is losing her train of thought in the middle of a sentence more and more often. Meanwhile, her third grader, who is attending in-person school, keeps leaving his books, papers, and lunch at home. Inny Ekeolu, a 19-year-old student from Ireland, says she has found herself forgetting how to do things she used to do on a regular basis: swiping her bus pass, paying for groceries. Recently she came across a photo of a close friend she hadn’t seen since lockdown and found that she couldn’t recognize her. “It wasn’t like I had forgotten her existence,” she told me. “But if I had bypassed her on the street, I wouldn’t have said hi.” Rachel Kowert, a research psychologist in Ottawa, used to have a standing Friday-night dinner with her neighbors—and went completely blank when one of them recently mentioned it. “It was really shocking,” Kowert told me. “This was something I really loved, and had done for a long time, and I had totally forgotten.”

This is the fog of late pandemic, and it is brutal. In the spring, we joked about the Before Times, but they were still within reach, easily accessible in our shorter-term memories. In the summer and fall, with restrictions loosening and temperatures rising, we were able to replicate some of what life used to be like, at least in an adulterated form: outdoor drinks, a day at the beach. But now, in the cold, dark, featureless middle of our pandemic winter, we can neither remember what life was like before nor imagine what it’ll be like after.

To some degree, this is a natural adaptation. The sunniest optimist would point out that all this forgetting is evidence of the resilience of our species. Humans forget a great deal of what happens to us, and we tend to do it pretty quickly—after the first 24 hours or so. “Our brains are very good at learning different things and forgetting the things that are not a priority,” Tina Franklin, a neuroscientist at Georgia Tech, told me. As the pandemic has taught us new habits and made old ones obsolete, our brains have essentially put actions like taking the bus and going to restaurants in deep storage, and placed social distancing and coughing into our elbows near the front of the closet. When our habits change back, presumably so will our recall.

That’s the good news. The pandemic is still too young to have yielded rigorous, peer-reviewed studies about its effects on cognitive function. But the brain scientists I spoke with told me they can extrapolate based on earlier work about trauma, boredom, stress, and inactivity, all of which do a host of very bad things to a mammal’s brain.

“We’re all walking around with some mild cognitive impairment,” said Mike Yassa, a neuroscientist at UC Irvine. “Based on everything we know about the brain, two of the things that are really good for it are physical activity and novelty. A thing that’s very bad for it is chronic and perpetual stress.” Living through a pandemic—even for those who are doing so in relative comfort—“is exposing people to microdoses of unpredictable stress all the time,” said Franklin, whose research has shown that stress changes the brain regions that control executive function, learning, and memory.

That stress doesn’t necessarily feel like a panic attack or a bender or a sleepless night, though of course it can. Sometimes it feels like nothing at all. “It’s like a heaviness, like you’re waking up to more of the same, and it’s never going to change,” George told me, when I asked what her pandemic anxiety felt like. “Like wading through something thicker than water. Maybe a tar pit.” She misses the sound of voices.

Prolonged boredom is, somewhat paradoxically, hugely stressful, Franklin said. Our brains hate it. “What’s very clear in the literature is that environmental enrichment—being outside of your home, bumping into people, commuting, all of these changes that we are collectively being deprived of—is very associated with synaptic plasticity,” the brain’s inherent ability to generate new connections and learn new things, she said. In the 1960s, the neuroscientist Marian Diamond conducted a series of experiments on rats in an attempt to understand how environment affects cognitive function. Time after time, the rats raised in “enriched” cages—ones with toys and playmates—performed better at mazes.

Ultimately, said Natasha Rajah, a psychology professor at McGill University, in Montreal, our winter of forgetting may be attributable to any number of overlapping factors. “There’s just so much going on: It could be the stress, it could be the grief, it could be the boredom, it could be depression,” she said. “It sounds pretty grim, doesn’t it?”

The share of Americans reporting symptoms of anxiety disorder, depressive disorder, or both roughly quadrupled from June 2019 to December 2020, according to a Census Bureau study released late last year. What’s more, we simply don’t know the long-term effects of collective, sustained grief. Longitudinal studies of survivors of Chernobyl, 9/11, and Hurricane Katrina show elevated rates of mental-health problems, in some cases lasting for more than a decade.

I have a job that allows me to work from home, an immune system and a set of neurotransmitters that tend to function pretty well, a support network, a savings account, decent Wi-Fi, plenty of hand sanitizer. I have experienced the pandemic from a position of obscene privilege, and on any given day I’d rank my mental health somewhere north of “fine.” And yet I feel like I have spent the past year being pushed through a pasta extruder. I wake up groggy and spend every day moving from the couch to the dining-room table to the bed and back. At some point night falls, and at some point after that I close work-related browser windows and open leisure-related ones. I miss my little rat friends, but I am usually too tired to call them.

Read: The most likely timeline for life to return to normal

Sometimes I imagine myself as a Sim, a diamond-shaped cursor hovering above my head as I go about my day. Tasks appear, and I do them. Mealtimes come, and I eat. Needs arise, and I meet them. I have a finite suite of moods, a limited number of possible activities, a set of strings being pulled from far offscreen. Everything is two-dimensional, fake, uncanny. My world is as big as my apartment, which is not very big at all.

“We’re trapped in our dollhouses,” said Kowert, the psychologist from Ottawa, who studies video games. “It’s just about surviving, not thriving. No one is working at their highest capacity.” She has played The Sims on and off for years, but she always gives up after a while—it’s too repetitive.

Earlier versions of The Sims had an autonomous memory function, according to Marina DelGreco, a staff writer for Game Rant. But in The Sims 3, the system was buggy; it bloated file sizes and caused players’ saved progress to delete. So The Sims 4, released in 2014, does not automatically create memories. PC users can manually enter them, and Sims can temporarily feel feelings: happy, tense, flirty. But for the most part, a Sim is a hollow vessel, more like a machine than a living thing.

The game itself doesn’t have a term for this, but the internet does: “smooth brain,” or sometimes “head empty,” which I first started noticing sometime last summer. Today, the TikTok user @smoothbrainb1tch has nearly 100,000 followers, and stoners on Twitter are marveling at the fact that their “silky smooth brain” was once capable of calculus.

This is, to be clear, meant to be an aspirational state. It’s the step after galaxy brain, because the only thing better than being a genius in a pandemic is being intellectually unencumbered by mass grief. People are celebrating “smooth brain Saturday” and chasing the ideal summer vibe: “smooth skin, smooth brain.” One frequently reposted meme shows a photograph of a glossy, raw chicken breast, with the caption “Cant think=no sad .” This is juxtaposed against a biology-textbook picture of a healthy brain, which is wrinkled, oddly translucent, and the color of canned tuna. The choice seems obvious.

Some Saturday not too long from now, I will go to a party or a bar or even a wedding. Maybe I’ll hold a baby, and maybe it will be heavy. Inevitably, I will kick my shoes off at some point. I won’t have to wonder about what I do on weekends, because I’ll be doing it. I’ll kiss my friends and try their drinks and marvel at how everyone is still the same, but a little different, after the year we all had. My brain won’t be smooth anymore, but being wrinkly won’t feel so bad. My synapses will be made plastic by the complicated, strange, utterly novel experience of being alive again, human again. I can’t wait.

ELLEN CUSHING

is the special-projects editor at The Atlantic.

#health

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thetomorrowshow · 4 years

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Slower Than Words Ch. 3

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11

Hey all! I’m really enjoying writing this! We’re almost to some exciting stuff--next chapter is going to be big (and boy, the chapter after that...)! This chapter is a bit shorter than the past two, but 4 and 5 will more than make up for it in length! Hope you enjoy!

CW: Inflicted blindness

Knowing that Patton was deaf didn't change much. Virgil still talked—possibly even more than he had before. They would sit, curled into each other, and Virgil would talk and talk and talk. He told stories, he talked about his roommate, he did his best to recount The Hunger Games from memory. He went over rules of the English language, tried to recall the periodic table of elements. All the while, Patton had a hand on his chest and the other on his cheek, feeling the vibrations and presumably watching his mouth.

Every day, they ate three meals that were suspiciously similar to those of the previous day.

Every day, they had a slowly lengthening work-out routine, now with thirty jumping jacks and five push-ups, followed by twenty lunges.

Every day, they spent hours tracing the alphabet onto each others' arms. Every day, they got better at spelling and understanding, sometimes getting whole sentences out before having to repeat something.

Virgil eventually found himself growing bored of the monotony. He no longer feared for his life, as he had the first month of captivity. He hadn't been so much as touched by anyone other than Patton. The food was fine, the living conditions were acceptable. He knew the room well enough by now that he could walk without Patton's help, but chose not to. He was still held captive by the irrational fear that Patton would disappear if he let go of him. Even when in the poor excuse for a bathroom, Patton tapped lightly on the curtain to a regular tempo, letting Virgil hear his presence.

Every day was the same without fail.

Until one day, the schedule changed.

On that day, Virgil was woken up by a hand tugging on his wrist. He barely had time to trace a '?' on the arm, which was hurriedly responded to with a 'P' before pulling him out of bed. He was less worried now, knowing it was Patton waking him up and not some dangerous stranger. Then he was stumbling across the room, on track for the door, and then—what? Where was the door?

Virgil tripped out of his surprise, almost introducing his face to whatever floor he was hurrying across. Where were they? The room wasn't this long. Were they out?

He started slapping at Patton's arm frantically, trying to get the man to stop moving and talk to him. Where were they? How did they get out of the room?

Finally Patton stopped, and Virgil could feel the excitement practically bleed out of him.

W-h-e-r-e a-r-e w-e ?

A hesitation, then Patton responded.

O-u-t. R-o-o-m w-i-t-h b-o-o-k-s.

Just books? Why were they here, then? Who let them out?

G-u-a-r-d g-u-i-d-e, Patton spelled as if he could hear Virgil's thoughts. G-o b-a-c-k.

After a moment, Patton gently took his hand and led him again, albeit more slowly this time. Virgil knew he was in a different place—or had been—but it felt the same. There was no change of air, no different smell. For the first time since he'd met Patton, Virgil felt hopelessness turn his bones to lead. Soon enough, they were back to the room, Patton taking him on a quick round of the room to let him know where they were. Then Patton pulled him to the floor and began excitedly tracing.

I got a book! Do you want me to spell it to you?

Virgil nodded animatedly, before actually thinking about it. Surely that would kill Patton's hands. He shook his head, then spelled out I don't want to bother you.

Patton responded by pulling Virgil's hand up to his mouth, tracing it along what was almost certainly a smile. Without saying anything else, he began the book.

A girl came out of lawyer Royall's house, at the end of the one street of North Dormer. . . .

They didn't even get all the way through chapter one before they were both too mentally exhausted to continue. They lay like they sometimes did, hands loosely clasped, feet barely entwined. Patton had picked up on the fact that too much physical contact at once overwhelmed Virgil, but also understood that he wasn't willing to go with zero contact at any time.

Virgil talked again, repeating things that he'd already said. It didn't matter—Patton couldn't hear.

“So then Roman took one look at the guy and said to me, 'he's hot.' I was like, whatever. I'm not sure what he saw in the dude, he was pretty average looking. Roman's attracted to guys with vitiligo or birthmarks, though, so I guess that already colored him green in his book. Colored him green—who says that? Nobody, probably. It doesn't matter. Anyway, Ro was really into this dude, and he finally got all that swagger that he sometimes gets, like I told you the other day? So he walked up to this guy and asked his name. I think he was planning on making up a pick-up line? Afterwards, he wouldn't tell me what happened, but he was rejected big time. He was taking over our whole dorm room moping for the next week before he asked me to go talk to the guy.”

Virgil shifted a bit, trying not to move Patton's hand from his chest. He always let it rest there when Virgil was talking.

“So the guy's name was Janus. Yeah, he was sort of distant and rude, but Roman normally only talks about his newest crush for three days. He'd lasted a month, so I figured it was sort of permanent. So I told him Roman wouldn't leave me alone until the two of them went on a date, and Janus agreed to ask him out if I gave him three of my meals. Not a problem—I wasn't gonna eat nineteen meals that week anyway. It was a mistake, I guess, because the next thing I knew they were dating and I was still hearing Roman obsess over him, but now it wasn't as creepy because it was mutual. And sometimes I'd get back, with plans to listen to music and think about doing my homework, and they'd just be making out on his bed. I almost bought them a 'do not disturb' sign, but it's my room too, y'know? I have rights.”

A wave of sadness hit him. He never thought he'd miss his roommate publicly making out with his weird boyfriend, but here he was.

It was definitely time to stop talking, though. Water was only accessible through meals or the sink in the sectioned-off corner, and he didn't feel like getting Patton up just because he had a sore throat.

O-k-? Patton spelled sleepily. Virgil pressed his knuckles into Patton's wrist, their agreed-upon sign for 'yes'. He knew they ought to get into the bed, but he really didn't feel like getting up. Maybe they could sleep on the floor.

Patton seemed to feel the same way, curling right into his side and settling in. For all he missed in the past, Virgil wouldn’t take it all back if it meant he would lose Patton. He let his hand card through the man’s hair gently, then sighed. Sure, life sucked. But they had each other.

Taglist (I would love to add you, just ask!): @enragedbees @gotta-love-alejandra @bunny222 @basiic-emo @patt0n-sanders @rosiepupper @fangirlgeekandfreak @dn-fan21 @that2000skid @remy-the-lemon-berry @itsadastraperaspera

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skelebonecentral · 3 years

Text

Hothouse Rose Chapter 3

you meet the boys. well, most of them

words under cut

It’s less than five minutes, and you’ve managed to find your class ring from high school, showing Papyrus all the icons on it, when someone calls, “PAPYRUS, DEAR!”

“IN HERE, CHARM!” Papy calls back, and you turn to see a skeleton in a leotard and bright pink leather boots looking in. Well, his leotard also had a huge hole cut in the center, showing his ribs and the sheet of toned ecto-flesh that matched his boots to a T. Other than that, he looked like he and Papyrus had pulled lots out of the same gene pool for sure. He looked more like Papyrus than even Sans did.

“Ah! And this must be Y/N,” he came into the room and gently took your hand, bowing and kissing it in one go, “My name is Charm, and I’m so elated to finally meet you.”

You’re a little shocked, still, but clear your throat, “Y-yeah, it’s nice to meet you, too.”

There’s a bit of a shift to your right, and you see someone who looks like a more awake and confident version of Sans looking forlornly at your soot-covered sheets, “Oh, this poor satin is ruined…” As Charm backs away, they look up and run over, “Sweetheart, you’re even more gorgeous than I imagined! I’m Boa, Papyrus’ cousin, and oooh, you’re going to be a dream to make clothes for! I’ve never had a human model before and this is going to be amazing!”

He was wearing a bright blue button-down shirt that had been tailored with a very snatched waist and open shoulders, as well as a matching feather boa (ah, his namesake maybe?) around his shoulders, echoing the color of the upside-down hearts that were his eye lights. His pants were red denim capris, and a purple pillbox hat sporting three feathers sat jauntily on top of his skull.

“BOA, AS MUCH AS I LOVE THE IDEA OF MY DATEMATE IN LOVELY HANDMADE CLOTHES, THEY’RE HAVING A CRISIS AT THE MOMENT, SO MAYBE LATER?” Papyrus gently pulls his cousin away and you just smile. Thank stars for Papyrus.

“Oh, right, sorry.” Boa bops himself on the skull gently and sticks out a sparkling baby-blue tongue. It reminds you of how you found out about skeleton’s making ectoplasm bodies, from Papyrus doing the same thing when you laughed about a candy turning your tongue orange. He’d grinned and showed you his, that it was orange all the time, and you were amazed.

Papyrus gathers his cousins close to his ‘talking corner’ where he’d spoken on the phone, “ALRIGHT. THE GAMEPLAN THUS FAR IS THAT BOA HELPS ME FIGURE OUT WHAT FABRIC THINGS CAN BE SALVAGED AND I’LL DEAL WITH THE OTHER OBJECTS SINCE I’M USED TO UNDYNE’S HOUSE CATCHING FIRE ALL THE TIME. CHARM, YOU TAKE Y/N OUTSIDE SO THEY DON’T GET OVERWHELMED WITH THE LOSS AND MAYBE GET TO KNOW THEM? THEY’RE YOUR HOUSEMATE NOW, TOO, SO IT’S A GOOD IDEA!”

“And does that mean I get a turn to be one on one with Y/n later?” Boa asked, and Papyrus nodded, “Alright, that works for me!”

Charm chuckled, then separated from them and offered you his hand, letting you notice the sleeve of his outfit was tied by a band to his middle finger, “Alright, dear, let me take you to the yard and we’ll find a sitting place to talk a bit.”

“There’s a stump in the backyard, kind of a good seat along with the one deck chair…if it’s still there,” you offer, and he nods, steering you out of the collapsed side wall and to the back, letting you take the stump and he perches on the edge of the smoke-smelling chair since one arm has melted slightly, being made of plastic.

“Alright, Y/n, you already know I’m Papyrus’ cousin, and I know you’re his datemate, but we’re otherwise strangers. Let’s change that. Twenty questions?” Charm asked and you snort a bit.

“Sure. Why not? I’ll go first. What do you do for work?”

He smiled, “I’m a masseuse, I work at the massage parlor in the shops across from campus. Of course, that’s only since I came here, but it’s good work. What about you? What paid the rent here?” He crossed one leg over the other at the knee, using his hands to hold that leg steady. He sat straight as a board, just like Papyrus did.

“Well, I work for the main library. I mostly check in returns, make sure they’re not damaged, that kind of thing. I started off as a part timer, but last semester they hired me full time and I’m really liking it.” You had to call in to work, too. But that was tomorrow. “Okay, how are you finding the town? Is it anything like Snowdin? I know that’s where Papyrus comes from, I guess you do, too?”

Charm nodded, “Well, we’re from very different backgrounds, but no, it’s not like home at all. So many humans, so much isolation from other people. It’s very different up here. But I do like it. All the space, all the life and light and sound. It’s exciting. Now, I want to know,” he grinned as he tilted his head a bit, “What’s University like? I’ve never been, but humans seem to think it’s a very exciting time of self discovery. Is it rumor or truth?”

Finally getting used to the smell of smoke, you laugh without coughing now, “Ah, well, that depends on who’s talking. For me, it’s been more about discovering other people. I spent most of my childhood just being with my family since I was an awkward kid, so I’m making friends…though it’s ended up mostly making monster friends. Humans are weird, even to other humans.”

Humming a bit, Charm seems to consider it, then asks, “And your love life? That’s the thing about university I’m curious about. Well, human love in general is fascinating to me.”

You blush, feeling awkward now, “Uh…I didn’t date, before Papyrus. So um…I don’t have one? Never have?”

He blinks, then sighs, one hand being slapped over his sockets “Oh stars, no wonder he had to call me to ask if you could move in. You’re both hermit crabs all closed up in shells. Good grief.”

A spark of irritation ignites in your chest, “Well, that and he’s a polite person. You don’t just throw someone into a home and say ‘okay they live here now’ without asking the other people who live there. That would be horrid and incredibly insulting to everyone. A breach of privacy.”

Charm winces, nodding, “I didn’t think about it that way. Privacy wasn’t a big thing in my home, my brother and I just brought people in as we saw fit but…that’s no excuse for upsetting you. I’m sorry.”

Oh, you hadn’t meant to get an apology about it. “N-no, I…I got mad for no reason. I guess it’s the stress, you’re fine, Charm. I just am very private, about most everything, so it sort of panics me to think I’d have to suddenly…without warning deal with another person I didn’t know. I can understand why one of you didn’t want to let me in and I’m kind of scared to go if we’re honest.”

Something in his expression shifted, and Charm smiled warmly as he settled into a more basic sitting position, putting his leg down as he cooed, “Oh, human, I’m very sorry for overstepping then. It’s still so new for me, I forget people keep their walls up out of self-protection. You deserve to be comfortable, and there’s no need to be frightened. I won’t be snooping in your room or things once we get you home, and neither will Boa or my brother. Or Boa’s brother, now that I think about it, since he’s just as private. Our own little hermit, Sweet-pea is.”

“His name is Sweet-pea?” you smile a little, “All of you have such unique names, I really like them.”

Charm gets a bit of his confident glow back, “Oh, yes, thank you. They’re nicknames, actually, since we either didn’t like or didn’t want to use our real ones. Sans and Papyrus are the only ones going by legal names in our house.” He laughs a bit, sounding very much like Papyrus, if softer than normal.

“That’s cool. I knew a lot of kids that didn’t go by their full name, or went by middle names or something. It’s pretty common, especially if there’s more than one kid with the same name in a class.”

His sockets crinkle, “Well, that’s something I didn’t know. It’s rather fun talking to you, you know? I see how you charmed my cousin so completely now.”

You just blush. So many compliments…

---

“Papyrus, really, there’s nothing to be done! Alphys might be able to fix the computer, and we can dry the books, but I don’t know about the rest of this stuff. We’d have to call a professional conservator.” Boa frowned. “Human furniture isn’t made to hold up against water and soot like monster manufactured stuff.”

“I KNOW BUT…I JUST FEEL LIKE I FAILED THEM.” Papyrus slumps as he drops the ruined sweater he’d been holding. “AFTER SAYING I’D HELP, AND I HAVE TO TELL THEM IT’S USELESS.”

Boa sighed and touched his arm gently, “But you did help. You got them out there with Charm, away from this mess and all the soot and grime that could hurt their human body, and you called in the only expert you knew.” Seeing that Papyrus was crying, he moved in front, holding both Papyrus’ hands, “I know it hurts, but remember, they love you and trust you to make good choices for them. They wouldn’t have asked you to be with them during this time otherwise!”

He just nodded, “I’M JUST KIND OF OVERWHELMED WITH EVERYTHING. IT’S JUST SO SAD THEY’VE LOST SO MUCH, AND I DON’T KNOW IF THEY’RE GOING TO LIKE IT AT OUR HOUSE. I’M SCARED WHIP MIGHT SCARE THEM OFF, OR…”

Boa quirked his mouth, finishing the sentence, “Or any of the rest of us with our predilection toward pleasure. Because you’re both shy little virgins despite our best efforts on trying to help!”

“BOA!”

“No, it’s true!” Boa grinned, purposefully taking this thread to get Papyrus away from being sad, “We’re all about being sexy scary skeletons! Oh, look at me!” He took a sensual pose and pouted, “Aren’t I terrifying being an inch shorter than your human and covered in feathers! Look at my very obvious boner that’s always there because I’m so sexy! Are you looking, Papyrus?” He’s teasing, expression bright as he tries not to giggle, and Papryus groans and covers his face from blushing.

“BOA, I GET IT. I’M A NERVOUS NELLIE, ESPECIALLY COMPARED TO ALL OF YOU, BUT THEY’RE VERY IMPORTANT TO ME! ALSO YOU’RE LUCKY I CAN FEEL YOUR INTENT OR I’D THINK YOU WERE HURT BY WHAT I SAID.”

Stopping his posturing, Boa waltzed back to his side and let his laughter out, “Oh, Papyrus, I’m sorry. I know reading people isn’t as easy for you as other monsters, but I had to make you smile. I did do that, didn’t I?”

He’s peeking around Papyrus’ hands, but beams as they’re lowered and a put-upon grin is on the taller skeleton’s face, “YOU DID AND I’M MAD ABOUT IT!”

“That’s my good cousin. Now, we’ll find someone reputable to help with this, but in the meantime, let’s pack everything that’s in one piece up carefully and get Y/n back to our house,” eye lights sparkling, Boa sets about doing just that, pulling various cardboard boxes out of his inventory and carefully placing things inside. “And of course we’re going to pay for the cleaning and such. Poor Y/n is still paying for school, after all. I remember how expensive that proposition was, and that was in the Underground!”

“I DO AGREE, BUT REMEMBER THAT JUST BECAUSE READER ISN’T RICH DOESN’T MEAN THEY’RE HELPLESS. HUMAN ECONOMICS ARE VERY STRANGE, BUT THEY LIKE TRYING TO MAKE IT ON THEIR OWN. I ALREADY HAD THAT TALKING TO, SO I’M GIVING YOU THE SHORT VERISON. THEY SEE US BUYING THEIR EVERY WHIM AS DEGRADING AND INFANTILIZING. SO DON’T,” Papyrus cringed internally thinking about the dressing down he got when the gold exchange finally came in. His idea of pampering was your idea of pity and it did NOT go over well. Your first fight, actually, and he was so glad you forgave him for the misstep when he explained where he was coming from. He didn’t try to buy everything for you, just gifts for special occasions, and you bought your own everything.

Boa blinked a bit, then nodded, “Oh, of course. I can understand that mindset. But…but they will let us help them a little, right? They at least have to buy new clothes…” His eyes lit up brighter, “Oh, that can be my turn! Charm got them this couple of hours and I get to take them shopping. I won’t!” he saw Papyrus’ mouth opening, “I won’t buy everything for them, but I will convince them to let us go halvesies as my welcome home present for them. That’s fair, right?”

“I…SUPPOSE SO, YES. OKAY.” Papyrus looked around the room, where he and y/n had spent so much time, where he’d first asked them to date, and felt incredibly down. Now it was just the memories left, the place stolen from them in moments. “JUST ASK THEIR PERMISSION FIRST. ABOUT PRETTY MUCH ANYTHING.”

Boa took his hand and smiled, “Certainly. Now let’s go get your datemate.”

Boa eagerly ran out and giggled when he saw what was happening.

Charm was carefully massaging you as you sat on the deck chair, skilled hands having already turned you to putty as he worked out all your stress.

“I SEE YOU TWO GOT ALONG WELL,” Papyrus is very glad someone was helping you relax, and you did look much happier. “CHARM, THANK YOU FOR HELPING. WE’VE GOT WHAT WE’RE GOING TO SEND FOR CLEANING PACKED UP, AND WE’LL HAVE SOMEONE REVIEW THE FURNITURE ONCE WE DO SOME RESEARCH.” He then turned to you, as you opened your eyes, looking half asleep, “I’M AFRAID WE CAN’T LET YOU HAVE ANY OF THE CLOTHES, THOUGH. THEY’RE ALL WET AND/OR COVERED IN SOOT.”

A flash of worry, and Boa stepped up, “But! I thought maybe me and you could go shopping to get you things to hold you over. And I could buy some of it as your welcome home present~” He grins, and you relax a little.

“Aren’t you a fabrics expert? You aren’t going to like what I buy. I’m not fashionable. If it doesn’t have a fun picture or saying on it, I usually don’t buy it.”

Hands in the air like a surrendering general, Boa nodded, “It’s true, I make fashion, sew it together every day, but Y/n, dear, you’re Papyrus’ datemate, and I would rather you be comfy than stylish. Besides, how will I know what you like to wear if I don’t see what you pick yourself? Comfort is just as important as appearance, you know!”

“Human fashion doesn’t work that way, but I’m glad you think so,” you reluctantly leave your position of bliss and get up, brushing off your clothes. “Papy, are you sure you don’t want to come with me?”

“I’D LOVE TO, BUT CHARM AND I ARE GOING TO HEAD HOME AND GET YOUR ROOM READY FOR YOU. WE’VE GOT SOME STORED FURNITURE TO PUT BACK TOGETHER AND A DEEP CLEAN OF THE ROOM AND ALL COMMUNAL SPACES TO DO!” He did come over and nuzzle his teeth to your forehead gently, “BUT I TRUST BOA TO TAKE CARE OF YOU, AND I’LL BE A PHONE CALL AWAY IF YOU NEED ME, ALRIGHT?”

“Okay. You take care and don’t overdo yourself. I want you being safe more than I want a new room,” you did worry when he started doing projects. He was strong, but you weren’t sure where his limit was and preferred being cautious about it.

“I PROMISE! CHARM IS GOING TO HELP ME, RIGHT?” He looks to his cousin, who nods happily.

“I do love a good furniture assembly. Now, you two behave and I’ll see you both when you come home.” He gave you a squeeze, then did the same to Boa before heading to the front yard.

Sighing, you motioned for Boa to follow you to the street. Both you and Papyrus had been too upset last night to drive, so your car was still sitting in the driveway, undamaged. It was a nice little thing, navy blue Taurus with a few years on it, and you sank with a sigh into the familiar seat.

“Oooh, your car is so sweet! A little sedan, so family friendly. I love it.” Boa slipped into the passenger seat and clicked his belt on happily. “Nice choice, very forward thinking.”

“What? This was one of my Aunt’s car. She gifted it to me so I could drive around school.”

“Oh.” Boa blinked, then shrugged, “Still, if you and Papy do have kids, you have the room.”

“Boa!” You blushed, glad you’d only started the engine and not pulled out onto the street, “What is with you and Charm saying all these things about my relationship with Papyrus! We’re dating, we’re not anywhere close to thinking about children!”

Boa seemed to realize something and looked horrified, “Oh stars, I’m sorry! Kids are all people I knew thought about in relationships and I didn’t realize! It was different here! I’m sorry!” His voice got small, nervous, “It’s just so different here, and I don’t know what’s appropriate outside the house yet since most of the others think like that, too. I really don’t mean to overstep.”

Steadying breaths in and out, and you shook it off, “It’s okay. There’s going to be culture differences, I get that, and I’m going to try and be understanding.” You finally got started down the road, heading to the local Poplar, a big box store and your preferred shopping experience. “So, the goal of relationships underground was more about kids than love?”

“Oh, well…kind of? Short term ones were, anyway,” Boa thinks for a moment. “There was just this pervasive idea that the end goal of any relationship was to have kids. Not that there were many kids even so, but it was still a big deal and the whole town would help raise the cutie, but…love was more reserved for older folks who were done giving their all to increase the population.”

You blinked a bit. Papyrus had told you, early on, that the Underground was way too crowded by the time Frisk set them all free. The Capitol was overflowing into the other areas of the underground, and there were worries about what would happen when everywhere was full. But? Well, you weren’t exactly in a place to call out the hypocrisies in a different society than your own. “Huh. Interesting. I’m not good at conversation, so you tell me whether you want me to talk about how humans do things now or if you want more questions on your end of things.”

He giggled, and it sounded utterly adorable, “Well, I’d like to know about humans. Your relationships aren’t all about babies?”

“Oh heck no. Most folks my age would rather jump off a bridge than have kids willingly,” you snort. “I mean, outside of a marriage, having a kid would be really hard and upsetting. You don’t have the money, you don’t have a partner to support you and the kid, you don’t have two families worth of folks who’d maybe watch the kid while you work…nah, we mostly have kids as an obligation after marriage because it’s EXPECTED that you have them.”

The silence in the passenger seat makes you look over once you’re at a stop light and Boa looks grey from how much color his skull has lost.

“Boa? Did I go too ham on you? Is…is it that shocking?” you didn’t think about it, just spouting out what you thought and your view on the subject.

He just nodded, “I…first the implication that people are having children against their will is terrifying, secondly, what….how do…is the community unsupportive of people who are single but have children?”

“Kind of, yeah. Most of those people are either divorced, or had kids before they were married, and most of them are women.” You sigh, “Society up here tends to look down on women if they do anything, but especially if you aren’t ‘pure’ or whatever and have kids out of marriage. For some reason that I never understood, the idea that a woman had sex with someone without getting married to them first is scandalous and her having a child she can’t support is seen as just punishment. I don’t get it. Not at all.”

You pull into the parking lot and park in a far slot, turning to Boa. He’s shaking, the rattling of his bones very audible. “I’m sorry if this is hard for you to learn, but I just want to make that clear to you so you can know when some human says something nasty about that subject. It’s evil, it’s messed up, and I hate it, but it’s how things are on the surface right this moment. I hope it changes soon.”

Boa sniffles, then unbuckles his belt and hugs you tight. He doesn’t speak, not for a long time, but he does hold you and you can’t fault him. Stars, coming from a world where kids were supported by everyone to a world where people genuinely didn’t care if a child was well cared for or not must be horrible. Poor guy.

After a while, he calms down and finally talks, “No wonder Sans has kept us all close to the house. I’m kind of glad my brother isn’t out here exposed to that kind of warped thinking.” He searches your face for a moment, then sighs, “But you’re good. You genuinely love Papyrus, I can tell. Thank stars he found someone whose mind isn’t full of such negativity.”

Letting him go takes some doing, since you don’t want to, but you manage it, “I know. With how much he likes platonic cuddling, people could have really hurt him if he wasn’t just such a ray of sunshine. I’m very lucky to have him, too.”

Boa nodded, then opened his door, “Okay, enough culture shock for today! Now we focus on you and your wonderful new wardrobe. Or at least a week’s worth of clothes? I’m sure between Papyrus, Sans, Charm, and I, we can find a good conservator and get your things fixed and cleaned by then.”

That works for you, and you get out and lock the door behind you. The two of you walk into the shop and Boa looks eager now, all gloom gone and his bones gleaming white again. “OH, Y/n, there are so many options! They’re all a little conservative for my taste but they’re sure to work for you.”

Laughing, you nod and get to work. Clothes shopping is always tedious for you, but you at least know that comfy shirts are one size and dress shirts are a different one, at least at this store. Your everyday shirts are your basic graphic t’s, or maybe a colorful gradient of your favorite hues, and your dressy outfits consist of black pants or slacks and a fancy shirt. You went through the wracks of clothes, choosing seven comfy shirts, seven casual shirts, and three fancy ones. Then you went to the bottoms, picking out four pairs of jeans, black dress pants, and a pair of black slacks. Boa didn’t say much, just watching you, occasionally humming.

Then you got some more sleepwear, since MTT pajamas were nice but couldn’t be worn every night for the whole of your stay with the skeletons. So, you got some warm pajamas, and some cool ones. Four of each kind. All of them had pants because you were going to be living in a house with other people, thus you had to wear pants at all times in case others entered your space without warning. No flashing people.

But as you turned and headed toward the check out, Boa grabbed your arm, “Whoa! Human, where are you going? You didn’t even try any of them on to see if they fit right!”

“I…don’t care?” you were confused. You’d always bought clothes this way. “Trying on clothes just makes me feel bad, and I’d rather do it in my own home. I can bring them back for better sizes if they don’t fit.”

His eye lights widened, mouth ajar. Then he got a very stern look on his face, “I’m sorry, but as a tailor I can’t allow you to settle for bad fits. We’re going to the changing room, and you’re going to show me what you have there. I’ll tell you if it’s good or not, and we’ll make the exchange here. If it’s worth doing, it’s worth doing right the first time!”

A man in an aisle across from you yelled, “Hey, monster tart! Leave them alone!”

You yelled back without even thinking, “Fuck off, asshat, that’s my roommate!”

He glared at you, then turned away and left you alone. Boa looked sort of deflated, though, and you had to ask, “Hey, are you okay? I’m sorry he called you names.”

“Oh, no…with what you told me about humans, he’s entirely correct but…it did hurt to feel how much he hated me. Um…” He was fidgeting with his feathers, wrapping them tighter around his neck.

“Let’s get to the changing rooms, okay?” you smile. It was worth you being a little self-conscious if it made up for this horrible interruption of your time with Boa.

He nodded, working up a smile again, and taking you back to the changing rooms.

It took a long time, putting on each of your outfits and coming out to show Boa. You knew what size you usually wore, but he still had to peruse your clothes in a circle before he agreed that any given item was probably the best ‘off the rack’ fit you were going to get. You did have to wave him off when he asked about your underthings.

“Nope! I’ll buy them after I send you to the car. I’m not letting you see those.”

“Huh? But foundation garments are important to fit! I’m guessing you have your best set on since you were on a date before the fire bu-“

“Boa! Personal space rules!”

“Oh. Oh right, you have those here,” he looked very frustrated, but sighed, “Okay. I’m going to be understanding of the ‘cultural difference’ too, and let you keep your foundations private even if I don’t understand why. You humored me, so I’ll do the same. I’m sorry I hit a nerve again.”

“Okay. Apology accepted.” You felt like that Jurassic Park guy fending off raptors, even if it was just Boa. “Okay. Here are my keys, go wait for me. Feel free to turn on the radio or air conditioning or whatever you need while you wait.”

Taking the keys, he suddenly seemed in awe, “Oh…oh wow, you really trust me! A car is a big investment and you gave me your keys!” He giggled and took off, waving at you as he went. Seems that little gesture was enough to brighten him back up fully.

Taking a deep breath, you turn back and go to pick up some packs of underwear and sportswear. Even if you did want to keep these garments private, it felt weirdly empty without the colorful skeleton next to you.

Boa was bopping along to some bubblegum pop when you get back to the car. You put your bags in the trunk, which he dutifully pops for you, and then come back to the front and get in the driver’s seat.

“I really didn’t meant to step on your toes at any point, Y/n,” he looked sheepish as you started the engine, “but I want to thank you so much for defending me. Papyrus really has chosen a wonderful person, if you’d stand up to someone else when we’re barely acquainted.”

“That’s just being decent, Boa. I shouldn’t need thanks for doing the right thing, but I do appreciate you helping me with my clothes so I feel like we’re even.” You couldn’t have the endless thanks. It made you squirm, someone praising you for something that just came automatically. Papyrus had learned not to go overboard quickly, and you really hoped Boa would, too.

“Alright, but I hope you don’t mind me talking you up to my brother when we get home.” Boa looked out the window and sighed, “As different as things are, I really want Sweet-pea to see the surface. Um, that’s his name, my brother.”

“Charm told me about him. He’s a homebody, right?”

Boa nodded, “He had a pretty bad relationship that made him…reclusive. I try to get him to go out, but the porch is about the limit at this point. And not even the front porch either…”

“Well, if he’s half as good a person as you are, then I’m sure I’ll adore him,” you might as well encourage him, after all. He was a fascinating little skeleton, and his energy really made you happy. That and just how vibrant he was. That cute little blue star painted on his right cheek and the little jewel you saw (glued?) on the front of his neck vertebra were adorable. “Now, you’re going to direct me to the house?”

“Oh! Yes. Here let me look, I’m a visual direction giver.”

The neighborhood the skeletons lived in was full of ostentatious mansions. It used to be part of the Greek life in the university, but had fallen out of grace and now was owned by the richer folks around town or had been turned into high end apartments. You marvelled at the nice gated carpark that your new home had, as well as the white columns and dark grey roof contrasting with the bright red brick. You could see faded areas above the door, where the Greek letters of the former owners resided, but if you squinted, it looked a bit like a sideways skull-and-crossbones. You liked that.

“We’re back, everyone!” Boa called, and there was a sudden surge of magic that left you tingling.

You were used to this by now. “Hi, Sans,” you smile as you look to your right, and there he is, standing right next to you looking exhausted. Well, more than usual.

“heya, pal.” He looked you over for a moment, then hugged you tight. “sorry, just felt like it. was still worried sick all last night.”

You hug him back and feel warm inside, “Sans, you know I appreciate that you care about me so much, but I don’t want you hurting yourself doing it. Remember, you are allowed to relax.”

“you taking Dr. Kevin’s job?”

“No. I am not your therapist, you dork,” You still kissed the top of his skull though, since he was hiding his face in your shoulder. “I’m your friend.”

“yeah, okay.”

Patting his back for a bit, he finally let go, “okay, I’ll stop monopolizing the human, as my bro is sure to say if I don’t stop.”

“I’d also say it!” Boa had his hands on his hips, looking smugly at Sans, “But it was just too cute to see you actually showing an emotion other than tired.”

“I’M COMING!” Came Papyrus’ voice from the staircase further back in the large entry hall you were standing in. There were beautiful wooden designs in the floor, lovely geometric patterns of squares and diamonds and other shapes, and a small Moroccan style chandelier above made of white smoked glass and gold scrollwork. The golden wood of the floor was matched by the slightly curved staircase that led up to the second floor (where you assumed the beds were) and where your dear Papyrus was currently bounding down.

Your giggles bounced off the high white walls as he spun you, making you glad you slipped off your shoes while looking about, “I MISSED YOU!”

“You just saw me a couple of hours ago!”

“THAT FELT LIKE FOREVER WHEN I’M SO EAGER FOR YOU TO SEE HOW CHARM AND I HAVE SET UP YOUR ROOM!”

Charm was at the top of the stairs, smiling as he leaned over, “Boa, did you make sure they did good picking out their new clothes?”

“I did! I made them try everything on first, but they wouldn’t let me help with foundation garments!” Boa gestured helplessly at you as Papyrus set you down, looking confused.

“Before you even ask, he means underthings,” you might as well warn them.

Sans, who was in the corner, turned bright navy blue all over his skull, and you grinned, “That’s how I reacted when he tried to help pick them out.”

Charm just smiled wider, “Oh, Y/n, so shy but so lovely. Has Papyrus even seen your ‘foundations’?”

“I DON’T THINK THAT’S APPROPRIATE!” the mentioned skeleton clears his ‘throat’ loudly and then pulls you toward the stairs, even grabbing the bags of your clothes with one hand, “SO, LET'S GO SEE YOUR NEW ROOM INSTEAD!”

Up the stairs you go as Boa and Charm laugh, and you hug Papyrus when he stops in front of the last door on the left of the corridor, “Hey, at least I know why you were going stir crazy when they first got here now.”

“YES, WELL, SMALL BLESSINGS.” He gave your head a pat and gestured to the door, “LET’S TAKE A LOOK?”

“Yes, let’s,” you let go and open the door, gasping.

The room itself is a nice size, though you realize it was probably meant for two students to share, but you get it to yourself, with the full bed sitting low on the floor and covered in a swirling rainbow sheet set. The walls were a soft yellow that felt like an early summer morning, and the floor was covered in a mocha carpet that felt so nice under your feet. “Papyrus, this is wonderful.”

“I TRIED TO MAKE IT NICE FOR YOU,” he points at the bed, but you’re guessing he means the mattress, “WE HAD THAT IN CASE FRISK’S HUMAN MOM WANTED TO STAY WHEN WE HAVE A SLEEPOVER. BUT WE NEVER USED IT AT THE OLD HOUSE SO WE BROUGHT IT HERE AND…WELL, IT WORKED OUT. CHARM AND BOA HAD ALREADY BOUGHT THE SHEETS BY THE TIME I GOT HERE, AND THE REST OF THE FURNITURE,” being a lovely cherry wood wardrobe that matched the bed frame, chest of drawers, and bedside table, “WAS IN OUR HOUSE FOREVER AND I DON’T KNOW WHY. THE WARDROBE HAD A BUNCH OF OLD LAB COATS, SO I GUESS IT WAS SANS’ AT SOME POINT? BUT IT’S ALL CLEAN AND SHINED NOW.”

It didn’t strike you as likely that these classy, rather old-fashioned pieces would be something Sans owned, but why else would there be lab coats in it? But you didn’t mind either way. “This is amazing! I’m just…” You throw up your hands dramatically, “Look at it! It’s so beautiful and perfect and…and oh my gosh this is my room.” You start sniffling and put your hands over your mouth. You hate how emotional you are about this, all of this, but it was to be expected, wasn’t it? Losing your home only to gain a beautiful room in your boyfriend’s house and at least two new…friends? Would Charm and Boa count as friends yet? You weren’t sure but you did like both of them quite a bit.

Carefully, Papyrus lifted you up and set you on the bed, using his softest voice as he gets on his knees in front of you and holds your hands, “Just let out anything you need to, love. I was so happy to put all this together for you, and knowing I get to see you every morning now is so exciting. I know you need your space to process, because stars knows I would, so I’ll let you put your things away. I do have to go to work for a bit, but I will be back by six tonight.”

“Okay,” You give him a kiss, giggling wetly, “I just have so many emotions right now, but I’ll sort them out while I put my stuff away.”

A cry of outrage from downstairs, “THEY TRICKED ME INTO LETTING THEM BUY EVERYTHING!!!” and you laugh.

“DID YOU REALLY?” Papyrus looked at you as he got up.

“It wasn’t intentional, but yes.” You grin, “He had to leave before I bought the private stuff! I didn’t even think about Boa’s offer until just now.”

Papy scoffs, but he smiles, “YOU’RE CHEEKY, YOU ARE. BUT IT’S ONE OF THE THINGS I LOVE ABOUT YOU. ONE OF QUITE A LOT!” Stepping to the door, he sighs wistfully, “ALRIGHT. I’LL GO NOW, BUT WE’LL CELEBRATE YOUR HOMECOMING WITH A GOOD DINNER TONIGHT. I LOVE YOU!”

“Love you, too!” you call as he walks out, and you wipe your eyes before taking the bags of your clothes and starting the process of ripping off tags.

You don’t know what to do now. You’re done putting your clothes away, you feel a little more emotionally stable, but you don’t want to leave your room. So here you are, sitting on the carpet, staring out the window on the back wall (though it’s the front of the house so…?)

There’s a knock on your door, and being used to Sans, you ask, “Who’s there?”

“maya”

That’s a new voice. Kind of soft like Sans’, more in his range than Papyrus’, but lighter and slightly higher. “Maya who?”

“maya come in and meet my new housemate?”

“Okay.” You look at the door as it opens, and are interested when it’s someone that looks like Sans but seems to be wearing a dancer’s outfit under a pimp coat. He’s got a black tanktop on that’s cropped just under his ribs, with a bright blue heart in the middle of it, purple ecto down to the wings of his hips, which stick out over his tight black capris. He chuckles and his sockets even crinkle a little as he smiles.

“heya. I’m charm’s older brother. name’s sugar.”

“Sugar and Charm…you two sound like a breakfast cereal.” He snorts and covers his mouth, laughing a little.

“I mean, mornings aren’t really my things, but midnight snacks are good for me. so you’re the human that has little innocent papyrus all flustered all the time, right? heh, it’s pretty cute. Gives my bro lots to work with on learning how things work around humans, so I have to thank you.” Sugar gestures a little, “can I come in?”

“Oh, yeah, sit anywhere. I spent hours with your brother earlier, you’re more than welcome.” You still don’t feel quite like this is actually YOUR room, even if you know it is objectively. It’ll take a while to set in, so you don’t feel intruded on.

“yeah, he told me you two had a good chat. Also told me you were one of the most tense people he’s ever massaged,” Sugar plopped onto the floor next to you, his purple jacket with blue fur trim flaring out around him, the heeled boots matching said fur clicking as he put the bottoms together, “but I can get that. you’ve been through a lot.”

“Yeah…I really appreciated him doing that massage for me. It helped me not be teary while I was out buying clothes with Boa. Nobody wants to cry in public,” you shrug, and Sugar nods.

“hehe, you’re right. and boa’s going to get you back for not letting him spoil you on that. dunno how, but he’s going to do something extravagant to get you to accept his gesture of friendship,” He’s amused, you can tell by the glitter in his purple heart eye lights. Sans gets the same glitter when he’s about to tell a horrible pun just to make Papyrus react.

“Oh, I don’t doubt it from that outrage I heard earlier. But I do hope he realizes he can be my friend without gifts?” You look at Sugar and he nods.

“yeah, but that’s one of his love languages, gift giving. Me, I’m a cuddler, but he likes seeing his friends and family get happy about cool presents,” Sugar leaned on his hands in front of him, “so, what about you, y/n? what do you do to show folks you care?”

Thinking, you giggle, “Well, I guess Boa and I have gift giving in common, but I also like to just say it. Papyrus and I have been saying ‘I love you’ since before we were even dating. Yeah, he said it first, but I think he’d probably have stopped if I hadn’t kept going. It’s just so easy to say, when you believe it.”

“ah, a vocal one. That’s good. other than my brother, nobody else is really verbal with their feelings. That’ll be nice, hearing you and pap being so cute.” He chuckled, “ah, well, I also heard you like languages. How many are you fluent in?”

“oh,” you blush, “uh…I just started my language classes last semester, so just the one. I really would like to have at least five that I can read and understand, even if I can’t speak well or maybe write it if it’s something like Thai or Mandarin.”

“That’s a pretty cool goal,” Sugar thought about it. “so what do you plan to do with that job wise?”

“I want to translate, maybe for children’s books? Some of my favorites growing up came from Germany originally and I’d love to find something great and bring it to other people,” the thought of your career dream makes you perk up more. “What about you, Sugar? I know Charm is a massage person, but what do you do for work?”

He blinked, then laughed, “Oh, I’m an entertainer. I dance mostly, but I don’t think you’d like it.”

“Why not?” you think seeing one of the skeletons dancing would be a great time. You always thought watching Sans or Papyrus move was just fascinating.

“well,” he smirked a bit, “you enjoy strip clubs?”

You felt how big your eyes became as the heat burned your face, “Oh god no!”

He laughs, “See? It pays nice, since I found a reputable place, and I feel good about what I do, but for someone as sheltered as you, I figured you’d not like it.” Getting up, he sighs, “but it’s no harm done, sweetie. I just wanted to introduce myself and say I was glad we’re able to help you out when you’re down.” With a wave and a grin, he flounces out of the room, and you blink in mild shock.

Were….were you sheltered? You hadn’t thought so, you thought you were okay and reactions like yours were normal, but you supposed you could be wrong. Thinking back to what Boa had told you, you start to wonder.

Well, time to go see if you can borrow some of Papyrus’ text books. Thankfully, you were both taking Spanish right now, so even your language text book could be borrowed. You wanted to at least know you could put your hands on it when needed.

You’d gotten the idea an hour after Sugar left, when you were bored of pondering your state of sheltered-or-not, and now you opened your door and scurried over to Papyrus’ room. It was always spotless, or it had been the times you’d been over before the Sans incident. It was weird, realizing you hadn’t been back to his house since then.

His new room was set up just like his old one, about the same size, too, and you found his bookshelf easily. It was right against the wall opposite the door, after all. So you sat on his floor and started looking at the last lesson you remembered.

You were immersed in your studies, curiously glancing at future lessons, when a deep, gravelly voice said, “well well well, we got ourselves a little mouse in papyrus’ room.”

A squeak came out of your mouth, and when you looked up you did not feel reassured. Yes, it was a skeleton, like you’d been expecting, but he was so different than any you’d met before. His teeth were sharp, every one of them, and one was replaced with gold. A huge red dog collar hung around his neck, gold spikes all over, and he wore the tattered remains of a white muscle shirt around his chest. His most obvious features was the thick red ecto that spilled over the top of his black denim shorts and out the bottoms in hefty red thighs tapering off at the knee.

“Y-you’re one of his cousins, right? I’m Y/n,” it wasn’t supposed to come out so nervous, but this guy looked like he could crush you in fifty different ways.

His grin turned a little more into a smirk, “thought so. Name’s spice, sweet cheeks.” He came in and sat himself on Papyrus’ bed. “now, what exactly are ya doin’ in here with these books?”

“Mine are damaged from the fire, so I was looking over our lessons,” why did he make you feel like you’d done something horrible just by the look on his face?

“oh. yeah, forgot about that. heh, well, ain’t that cute?” He had his elbows on his knees, hands hanging between them as he leaned over to look at you, “really are a little bookworm, huh? sansy said you’re the one who got pap to go to school in the first place. wonder how that happened?”

“I really don’t know, but he seemed interested before I talked about what I do at school.” You didn’t like how his eye lights were analyzing every move you made, or maybe they were roaming over you, you didn’t know.

“yeah, sounds about right.” he leans back a bit, scratching at his cheekbone. “sugar said you an’ pap are peas in a pod, all shy’n shit about sex.”

“SHHH!!!” you are instantly on edge, looking at the wide open door and the skeleton who seems to have no boundaries.

He laughs hard, “Oh! Oh he was right! hahaha, oh shit, you’re turnin’ into’a tomato!”

Covering your face, you feel the fluster turning into tears because you can’t handle it, to the point you don’t notice when Spice stopped laughing and went quiet.

“hey, human. hey, you okay?”

You shook your head, and he groaned, “shit, I fucked it up. I was just tryin’ ta tease ya, an’ then I go and make ya upset. Geeze, no wonder I can’t get a date. ‘m sorry, okay? please don’t be upset or pap and sansy’ll probably dust me. wait, that’s manipulative, shit!”

He got up and ran out, and you heard a door shut down the hall. It took you a few moments to contain your fluster, but you finished your cry and gathered up the textbooks. You’d do your studying in your own room now until Papyrus got home.

Still, you’d now met four out of six of Papyrus’ cousins. And you remembered that one of them had voted against you staying. Was that Spice? Or was it one of the two you hadn’t met?

#undertale fic #reader x papyrus #underlust #lustswap #lustfell

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