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#this took a lot of time because i have a really bad memory lol
three-dee-ess · 2 days
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hiiii 3DS tour!!!!
from the day i first got it, i knew to name it Happiness..... nothing deep about it i just wanted to say "my mom took my Happiness away for exam week :("
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a bit of a reveal but i'm the anxious sticker placer anon haha it's still plain to this day if not for a few scratches (a lot actually but it's not that noticeable, right? qwq)
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the barcode and numbers are super faded i can't read them!! plus the scratches are much more noticeable, im not sure where most of them came from but i remember one of them is when i accidentally dropped a screwdriver on it oops
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the cartridge is pokemon black 2!! i've had this game before Happiness. yup i have a metallic rose DS lite that's sooo busted up, (well i had a coral pink DS lite before that but i got mugged when i was like 7 years old and it's gone which is a story for another time)
anyway, metallic rose had dead pixels that spread like some fungus, L button didnt work at all, buttons feel gross to press now, etc yknow normal 7 year old not knowing the value of things thing
i'd send a picture but it's back at my old house, pray that the spiders know how to play dig dig dug
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:D i'm very normal about cyrus pokemon i swear
if you check my theme plaza account you can see i also made one (1) batch of badges which is hunter x hunter badges as you can see from the folders, i'm also very normal about hunter x hunter i swear
i wanted to lay everything out without folders and arrange everything pretty but it's so hard how do all of you do it qwq
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gon folder (top left folder) are my 3DS gaammeess, i haven't played some of them bc i still got a lot of games to finish but they're there!!
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frens (i didnt make the badges other than the hunter x hunter ones btw!)
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killua folder (top right folder) contains DS... well used to, now it holds other games! i also haven't played most of them im so busy qwq
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i deleted the shortcuts for the DS games i finished, also it took me way too long how to inject GBA and other games into 3DS
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kurapika folder (bottom left folder) contains videos and movies! i figured out how to convert them but it's so hard to find download links to the movies i like now :(
also did you know the first 3 volumes of hunter x hunter are on the japanese eshop? i can't read japanese but i keep them because i like the novelty of it
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leorio folder (bottom right folder) is my homebrew and miscellaneous stuffs! self-explanatory -w-
if you have any homebrew stuffs you wanna recommend, tell meee
eek, asks only allows 10 pictures apparently so i'm gonna send another one because we're not done yet!!!!
Happiness is so awesome the crows wants an encore so i shall deliver ohoo
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activity log :D i love that the 3DS has this so we can all look back on memories and such
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and that's the day when i first got Happiness!!!! i was pretty late to the 3DS party but i stiiiillll love it if you couldn't tell i really love pokemon and that's why i wanted a 3DS so bad lol i don't think i will ever be as excited as i was holding Happiness in my hands for the first time qwq
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yknow, i still don't know how this happened
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and that's all from meee if you have any questions or wanna tell me something, go to my ask box because i don't wanna clog up three-dee-ess's notifs!! thank you for having me
----
galaxy style n3DSXL
thank you so much for the tour >:3c I loved reading through all of it! In depth tours like this are super interesting to me so thank you for sharing!! it makes me really happy.
I'll need to find my red 3DS again so I can share my own stats, since my grey one I use to mostly play puzzle game titles like picross, not any like, RPGs.
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seasonschange32 · 3 months
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I'm trying to watch Athena P lore videos because god are they entertaining and so funny. But here's some shows/movies I would love a lore deep dive on and why:
Inspector gadget reboot - the 'romance' between penny and Talon was so confusing yet endearing. Also, loving how chief Quimby just Disguises himself just to give gadget a misson
Total drama - not only was it a huge fan of gross out humor and has our overlord chris mclain, it literally introduced me to the ' bad boy x good girl' trope before ripping it out and taking a character ( who was literally perfect with another) and forcing them together due to aesthetics.
Transformers: robots in Disguise ( 2015) or Transformers prime - two shows that have fanbases debating ( seriously), each saying why each respective show is better. But other than that, both are fine for what they are and gave me two crushes that I hold dearly.
Mia and me - a fairy show that's not only animated but live action? With the main character having an ability to talk to unicorns? And with one of her bullies DISCOVERING HER SECRET LIFE??
Ben and hollies little kingdom - super wholesome and I love how the humans coinside with the fairies
Max and ruby - there's a tiktoker who made a whole series on why ruby was annoying. Need I say more?
Trollhunters and the spin off 3below - honestly from what I remember, I loved the stakes of the show and how cool the Armour the main character had. Regarding the spin off, loving how the bully I think was into the alien girl
Max steel ( not the 2000s one. sorry) - Max having to come up with the most unbelievable excuses as to why he has to go is cliche but also kind of funny? And the fact that the company Max's dad works for has lore as well is kind of interesting
Dino squad - I actually remembered this show through a cringe compilation of all things and had to add it. From the theme song, to the plotines, to the fact that I had a crush on Laruzo even though he was obviously queer coded ( his Dino form was cool though)
Jem and the holograms - the I am a giant song from the misfits lives in my head rent free. Also, jem practicing trying to reveal to that one guy only from him to yell at her is funny to me
Lolirock - same with jem as revolution is iconic as well as the villians. Plus, why is was eventually taken off
The tinker bell movies - forgot I was supposed to mention movies as well ( sorry). But I love them and how the fairies each have their own abilities ( as well as different kinds). From pirate fairies to winter fairies, it's really cool.
Barbie: a fashion fairytale - I love all barbie movies equally but this...this just takes the cake. What other movie will you see ken making a child cry, fairies with attitude, rotting dresses, and a roller skating aunt?
Zoom (2015) - the trailer showing a scene of the main character and her character arguing is honestly what made me want to watch it ( I haven't but I'm planning on it)
Super hero squad - kid me was laughing my butt off when falcon married his bird. So...
The little prince movie - I didn't even read the book but when I saw that the old man had died, I was emotionally devastated, especially after listening to all his stories which inspired the main character to go find the prince UGHHH
The book of life - is it cliche? Yes. Is it like coco? Yes. Do I like that in the end, the main boy has to sing a guitar version of creep to calm down a bull? Absolutely yes!
Epic - josh hutcherson, beyonce, Amanda Seyfried, Johnny knoxville, an enemies to lovers storyline, a snail, a royal guard having a love for the queen, the enemies being bugs, and ANDD a nerdy dad. That's it.
Rise of the guardians - I absolutely love it followed jack and his arc of being seen and when he finally is, the kid and him are just so excited! Also, the fact that a lot of people are simping for the Easter bunny is a testament to how many people will call anyone sexy.
Daniel spellbound - wanted to add this because there's an awesome creator ( cough cough @bonkalore) who's made an amazing au out of this show and I wanted to see what you thought of it and your theories
Bonus options ( just random one's I think could fit): the rainbow fairies series, Lego friends, the complicated life of Claudia Christina Cortez, sonic underground, drama or sisters ( but any book by rainia would be great), Junie b Jones, stoked, barney, goddess girls, glitter force ( that's what I remember it as), invisible sister, a monster in Paris, Maya and miguel, and Martha)
If you want anymore, let me know!
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sillylittlestoryblog · 2 months
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(Not) Hard to Love
Part 2 (2/2)
Trafalgar Law x Reader
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Warning:⚠️ smutty situation, angsty thoughts
Authors Note: sorry that it took so long to post this. I was having a few bad days, just struggling with my confidence. Now I m doing a bit better. So here you go. Hope you have fun 🥰
this is by far the most suggestive thing I have ever written. lol. I hope it doesn’t suck too bad. If you like it, leave a comment. It does wonders to my mental health ❤️ (btw this raspberry jam is just in the story because I have been planning on making it for the past months and this is my reminder to get up from my lazy ass and make it! )
You were relieved, after days of almost doing nothing, because the sun was too hot and your thoughts too distracting, you were finally able to work again. It was one of those days were everyone was doing their best to restore and repair their beloved home.
The Thousand Sunny was a big ship. And after days of not doing much, it often needed some time to get everything organized and clean again.
Knowing your captain wasn’t the biggest fan of an organized living space, most of the work was split between the rest of the crew. While Nami was always on board keeping an eye on the ocean, Sanji was the one who was keeping the kitchen organized, while preparing the dishes for the day.
Franky and Usopp were repairing something in the library, while Brook and Robin were sorting the newest books, they got on the last island.
Luffy and Zoro were supposed to take care of everything on deck, which already wasn’t much. But after cleaning the girls bedroom, you walked towards the kitchen and saw both of them sleeping in the sunlight. Random, uncomfortable looking items being their pillows.
You just rolled your eyes and smirked. These two weren’t really cleaning themselves regularly, so why would they clean something else. It didn’t really make sense why you guys kept asking them to organize, even though you kinda knew they weren’t gonna be much of a help.
Opening the kitchen doors a warm sweet smell came towards you.
Sanji was standing at the stove, filling sugar into a red liquid.
"Uhhh, this smells amazing. May I have a taste?" you point to the boiling jam in front of you with an outstretched finger.
"Of course, my dear."
The cook gave you a spoonful of the sweet liquid and without blowing for long you tasted it.
"It tastes wonderful, Sanji! I'm already dreaming of how it will taste on the fresh crossaints you make from time to time."
The blond man grinned. He had to concentrate now. Not get distracted. Even if he particularly liked compliments from you.
"I'm glad you like it. I bought lots of raspberries so I could cook them for you.
I just realized that a little vanilla is still missing. Could you do me a favor? I have fresh vanilla in our storage room, I just forgot to bring them up from downstairs earlier. Could you get them quickly from below deck? I don't want the jam to burn.“
"Sure thing." With a smile, you walk back towards the door. You suck in the wonderful smell once more before quickly scurrying outside.
You had given Sanji the recipe for this particular jam a few months ago. Your mother used to make it when you were a child.
With quick steps, you skip down the stairs towards the storage room.
Your mind was full of warm memories of sunny mornings. Jam on baked goods. A table filled with fresh food. The last good days of your childhood.
Being on the thousand sunny was kind of like that time. With a smile on your face you walked towards the entry.
The groaning door gave you the creeps. Chopper had accidentally locked himself in down there once before. So, to be on the safe side, you put a box between you and the door. That way, it won't fall shut the next time the wind blows.
The light was already turned on in the storage room. You expected the little reindeer, who often spend time organizing and storing medicines down here to refill them in his little doctor's room when they were empty upstairs.
But it wasn't this doctor who was waiting for you in the far corner of the room.
Law was sitting on the floor looking through several boxes of pills.
Presumably he was going to take care of refilling the medicine room. Chopper probably send him, because he was still scared of last time.
You whisper a quiet "hey" in his direction so as not to startle him.
Law just looked up briefly and mumbled something in your direction.
What was his problem? You were starting to get angry again. Everyone was trying to build a home, be nice and him?! He was just not accepting you whatsoever.
How could someone be so arrogant and ignorant ?
A loud bang snapped you out of your thoughts.
The heavy door had slammed shut.
How could that be? You had just put something in between.
Annoyed, you turn to Law.
"Shit, now we're locked in here. I can't believe Franky still hasn't fixed the door!"
You push against the door with all your strength. It doesn't move. With a loud groan you press on the door again. But it doesn’t help. A large hand rests on your shoulder.
"Hey. let me try it, Y/N-ya. I'm sure I can get the door open."
You step aside and let the dark-haired man go at it. He also pushes against the door with all his might, but it doesn't move a bit.
Frustrated you started screaming for your friends to help you out of this awkward situation.
"Hey Namiiiii! Luffy! Frankyyyy!!! Help!"
"fuck! don't shout in my ear" Law
dramatically put his hands to his ears and stared at you angrily.
"do you want to get out of here or not?! Apparently mister-I can do anything- wasn't strong enough to open a simple door after all."
"Excuse me?"
The captain turned to you. He looked down at you, annoyed.
You took a step towards him. Pointing your finger on his chest.
"I finally want to know what your problem is?"
"I don't have a problem"
"Oh? Really? You're a fucking liar, Law."
"It's none of your business, what's wrong with me. Don't talk to me like that.
Your crazy captain has decided to form an alliance, and if that's a problem for you then talk to him and not to me."
Annoyed, Law turned to the side. He only took one step before you pulled him back by his shirt sleeve.
"Hey! Stay here. I don't have a problem with you or the Alliance at all."
Your back was against the cold iron door.
Law actually turned back around and took two steps towards you.
Only now do you realize how close he was to you.
"Why are you making it so difficult for me?"
His gaze was still avoiding yours. How much you would have liked to look him in the eye now. But then you probably wouldn't have been able to hold back. Your emotions were already getting the better of you.
You spoke to him much more calmly than before.
„What's so hard, Law? I can understand that you don't like me as much as the others. But why do you hate me? Is it that hard to just like me? Or even less. Just to accept me?"
Tears welled up in your eyes. Your own words stung your heart. All you wanted was to be looked at him. Be seen.
Law still stood rooted to the spot in front of you. One hand in front of his eyes, he shook his head.
„What makes you think I hate you?"
Your voice wasn't ready to answer that question. You just shrugged your shoulders, sobbing. You would like to sink into the ground. Now you're crying in front of the man who has no interest in you. You were a failure. A pathetic girl crying in front of her crush. Nothing more.
"hey. Shh. Don’t cry. Look at me when I'm talking to you."
Sternly but without anger in his voice, Law put his index finger under your chin. So that you can't help but look into his gray eyes.
" I don't hate you, Y/N-ya.“
A sigh escaping his lips. His eyes looked different then before. You almost thought he was leaning in. And the air around you got thicker and filled with more tension.
„I really don’t. Quite the opposite in fact. Ever since I saw you for the first time, I've been attracted to you. I just can’t act on it.
I have responsibilities and… I'm not a particularly good person. I've done bad things. I've taken lives when I should be saving lives as a doctor. I don’t want more people to get hurt because of me. And to be honest, I've never had feelings like this before. I have no idea how to deal with it.“
He looked down. Almost debating if he should say the next part.
„I think of you. All the time. I lay awake at night and all I see is your face. I long for your touch. And I want to learn to love, Y/N-ya. But I'm afraid of it. Fuck."
He took a deep breath. And exhaled.
"I want you. I need you.... And I don't know how..."
"Shhh."
Now it was you who put your index finger on Law's lips and slowly stroked his cheek with your hand.
"Just kiss me"
Horrified by your demanding words, Law looked down at you. He forgot how to breathe for a moment. His heart was beating so fast in his chest that he could hardly hear anything else. Your lips opened to say something. He didn't want you to change your mind. He took your face in both hands. Before he pressed his lips to yours.
"Just so you know. it isn't hard to fall for you, Y/N. But I m afraid, I have no clue what I m doing. My life is..."
"Law... just kiss me"
You moved forward again, pressing your lips to his. Law felt like the walls he had build up so maticulously, melting away by your kisses. He couldn’t hold himself back anymore, letting his desire take over.
Soft moans escaping your mouth while he pressed you against his body and the door behind you. You were caged in by his arms fully accepting whatever was gonna happen now. Your hands exploring the doctors body, while kissing each other hungrily. Law let out a low groan. This was better than in his daydreams. Your soft hands roaming his chest. Tracing his tattoos with lingering touches. One of Laws hands firmly placed against your hip. Shoving you against the metal door. Law was overwhelmed by his emotions. Not a single thought in his mind while he started grinding against you.
Using your moaning as chance to slide his tongue into your mouth.
His lustfull eyes being the most beautiful sight to you, while you buttoned down your summer dress.
Law was breathing heavily. His hair fully out of place by you tugging at his dark strands.
He can’t remember the last time he didn’t take the time to unbutton his shirt, but right now he was rushing to get it over his head. Throwing it down on the ground next to your dress.
Moving towards each other like magnets, lowly groaning between kisses, Law lifted up your thighs around his hips. Moving you against the door again.
His jeans rubbing against your panties. Making you cry out his name.
And for the second time that day you were interrupted by the same door you were making out against. The (stupid ) door opened with a loud hiss. Falling out of its angle. You and Law tumbeling and falling to the wooden floor.
This was a very annoying disturbance to your newly found passion. But it definitely wouldn’t have stopped you from showering Law with kisses, if it wasn’t for the circle of people and a very shocked reindeer standing around your almost naked bodies.
You and Law got up from the floor with red heads and stupid explanations. Feeling humiliated but kinda happy.
Law held his shirt protectively in front of you and hoped fervently that no one was looking at his jeans.
You looked at a bunch of different expressions.
Nami grinning. Robin, playing shocked, with one hand over her mouth. But she couldn't fool you. Her giggle was the first to be heard from the crowd.
„We really only planned for you guys to finally talk about it… that all… -
Nami made some hand gestures towards your half undressed bodies and the broken door on the ground.
„ - was not our intention.“
Usopp covered his own and then immediately afterwards Chopper's eyes. While Franky and Zoro toasted with sake in their hands. Apparently everyone was part of the stupid bet.
Luffy just looked back and forth between you and Law, confused. Obviously he hadn't quite understood yet, what was so exciting about this situation. He had seen you guys in swimwear before, not really something different in his eyes.
Sanji had blood all over his shirt and on his nose but tried to control himself. And thankfully pulled the others towards the exit.
"Don’t you guys look at Y/N-san like that. That’s not how you look at a lady.
Lunch is almost ready… let’s go Luffy.
Let the two of them go. We'll get the food ready."
Nami pulled Usopp towards her by the collar.
„So Usopp... I hope you remember our agreement... right?"
Laughing, the Strawhats left on after the other. Leaving behind two embarrassed pirates.
Franky mumbled something about "now I really have to fix the door"
While Chopper desperately tried to figure out what had just happened.
Robin gave you a wink while walking up the stairs.
Embarrassed, you looked at Law.
He took your hand and kissed it gently. Although it was hard for him, he tried to stand in front of you as confidently as possible.
" umm that was something… you know…
We still have some time before lunch. Would you like to… continue?! … What do you say Y/N-ya?"
You look at your intertwined hands and then back to Laws face. His face blushing, his eyes looking on the ground even though he would much rather look at your beautiful body before him. You stand on your tiptoes to give a quick peck to Law's lips.
"You may be right there is still some time. But I'll only follow you if you promise to use your devil powers this time. I wouldn't survive being caught like that again." Giggling, you put your arms around Law's neck.
"Okay then, let's pick up where we left off."
He gave you a gentle kiss on your forehead before lifting his hand. A smile on his face as he heard your heart beating loudly.
„Room“
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httpknjoon · 8 months
Text
(re)starting over again | kth; special chapter
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plot | Your four-year relationship with Taehyung was going well and strong. Until he was involved in a car accident, resulting to him losing some memories. By some, it means everything that happened five years ago. Things he remember? His friends, his bakeshop, and his ex girlfriend from the past. With that, you tried to keep up, restarting over again.
words | 1.5k
genres | fluff, angst, amnesia au
pairing | taehyung x reader
warning/s | -
note | the best way to celebrate my birthday is through writing angst lol this is the lastpain for mc and tae for now. see y'all in chapter 11! enjoy reading!
main masterlist | series masterlist
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This is probably the closest you two have ever been after the accident. His hand was on your waist while the other held yours. He looked at your eyes looking back at him too. No words were said under the starlit night sky. But it was strangely comfortable this time. He finds it strange not in a bad way. It was strange because slow dancing with you was just so easy. 
How did you even end up in this situation?
Earlier, Taehyung saw you leaving the reception after talking with the newlywed couple. You hugged both Jisoo and Namjoon before he heard you saying you were going. But a lot of guests were still at the reception event, he probably noticed just a few ones going like Julia and her date. Still, everyone is enjoying the celebration when you walk away with your clutch and bouquet of tulips. He followed after you.
“YN,” he called behind you.
You stopped, turning around, “Yes?”
Then, a familiar soft instrumental played in the background, indicating the newlyweds making their first dance inside the venue. As if he hadn’t learned anything from last night, he said the first thing he could,
“Can we dance?”
“Sorry?” you said with an awkward chuckle.
But Taehyung went on. Based on what you said from the night before, this might be his last chance. Might as well take a risk.
He gulped before answering, “Please? Before you go?”
You blinked before sighing, “Okay… Here?”
Taehyung looked around. Since his invite was unplanned, he pointed to the first space he spotted. The space where the wedding ceremony occurred hours ago. The chairs and the whole set-up were still there. You accepted when Taehyung offered his arm to assist you as you two walked to the spot.
“Okay, you put this here. It’s fine.” 
Feeling lighter now, you chuckled when you noticed him being unsure if he should hold your waist. You see his hand lift but he puts it down. So you took it yourself and put it on your waist and just like a long-lost bracelet you wore on your wrist again, his hand on your waist brought waves of nostalgia in you. And Taehyung felt the same thing. Nostalgia. Even though his earliest memory of you is you in his hospital room. Touching you, looking at you, and slow dancing– everything just felt right with you in it.
And he knew that there was something special with you. But he cannot just really point it out now. But he can say how your eyes spark brighter now than last night or days before this.
But I promise you this
I'll always look out for you
Yeah, that's what I'll do
The lyrics play in your head as your thumb draws circles on Taehyung’s shoulder. His soft gaze can surely make you melt but you knew you needed to be strong. 
Looking at Taehyung in this light reminds you of how much he made you love slow dancing. Before meeting him, you always thought it was too cheesy. But this man would always pull your hand to sway you in a song he played or hummed. He would do it unexpectedly; in the times you didn’t know you needed it. And God knows how much you need it now even though the Taehyung in front of you didn’t know anything about these endless memories you have with him.
“And if I accidentally step on your toe?” you asked randomly when he pulled you in for a slow dance on a random Wednesday night.
He smiled as he shook his head, “Don’t worry, you won’t.”
“I will,” you said, looking down to watch your feet.
“My love,” he calls for you, softly pulling your chin up so you can meet his eyes. “You know me so well and so do I to you.”
“So?” you asked, pursing your lips.
“It means we have this wonderful connection and understanding to one another. You can just look into my eyes to know what my next move is. You’ll feel it.” he rested his forehead on yours before he whispered, “Just follow what you feel.”
Now, slow dancing with Taehyung is a bittersweet reminder for you of old memories you’ve been wanting to have again. You miss slow dancing at the most unanticipated time of your day. You miss his blueberry cheesecake. You miss opening your eyes in the morning, just to be greeted by his puckered lips and small snores. You miss hearing old jazz, coming back home. You miss drinking tea with him late at night while talking about each other’s day. You just miss him.
Although the moon and stars are your only light at the moment, Taehyung can see the glistening in your eyes, along with pain and sadness. You turned your head down while biting your lower lip as tears began slipping down. Gently, Taehyung places his chin above your head, listening to your quiet sobs, as you sway along the soft melody in the background. A crack was beginning to form in his heart, and he felt helpless. He wished that the accident just never happened. He knew you and what you two had was more than special. It’s awful to get you through this hurt.
“I’m sorry.” He whispered the words he knew he should say, voice breaking. “I’m so sorry.”
He whispered it over and over again, hoping it could make what you feel less heavy, as he planted kisses on your hair. You just listened to his apologies, closing your eyes. Tears continuously slipped down your cheeks. In every sorry he lets out; you nod. It was like your way of telling him that it’s fine. Because he knows that is who you are: patient and understanding. 
“I’m sorry. Let me apologize. I have my faults too from the start.”
You can feel Taehyung’s hand moving from your waist to your back. This time, he’s just hugging you, still swaying.
“I will try harder. Please, please don’t get tired of me yet. I’m sorry.”
This time, you didn’t nod. It took you a few minutes to pull away and look up at him again. Your hands moved from his shoulders down to his arms until you held his hands. It made him feel warm for a second. With tear-stained cheeks, you smiled at him.
“Thank you for this, Taehyung.” you began, softly squeezing his hands. “But I need to go.”
You closed your eyes as Taehyung turned his head down, his heart breaking at the process. You continued,
“I appreciate you trying and giving me a chance to take care of you. But I just really have to go. I need to do this.”
You sniffed, chuckling with a bitter taste in your mouth,  “I really thought I could last months without you saying I love you to me… But how can I do that if you always made me feel loved? I got used to you doing the love part for me that I forgot how to do it myself when you also forgot about me… Now, I needed to learn that on my own.” 
Taehyung is still not meeting your gaze. So you softly lift his chin. Then, you held his cheek with your thumb feeling his cheekbone, comforting him as you told him,
“I’ll go with Julia and Chanyeol tonight since they are driving back home. I’ll make sure I’m gone by the time you get home. Please don’t come after me or contact me. It will be easier for me. We can talk about the house when I get back on my feet again. But for the moment, you can do whatever you want with– Please don’t cry, Tae.” Your voice shakes when tears run down her cheeks. “Please. We need to be apart,”
“A-Am I going to see you again?” he murmured, in a sob.
You pursed your lips before answering, “I don’t know. I honestly hope so. I hope our roads cross sometime, someday.”
Taehyung’s lips formed into a frown and he closed his eyes, tears just streaming freely. When he opens his eyes, he sees you staring at him endearingly with the same sadness in your eyes. With his cheek still in your palm, you stepped closer. Taehyung can feel his heart beating heavier but faster. Everything around him is silent except for the rustling of the leaves nearby and he can only focus on you. He can feel knots being formed in his stomach as your other hand holds his chest. Your touch simply brings warmth and coziness to him. You leaned in slowly and Taehyung closed his eyes. 
Soft and sweet. Those were the first words in his head as he felt your lips on his. He felt a spark of electricity in his system at that moment. It felt right and perfect. He wanted to touch you and pull you closer but you pulled away before he even could. It felt long and short at the same time. Unexpectedly, you two both had tears slipping down your cheeks. His heartbeats were loud, he feared you even heard it. Your lips quivered as you told him with a heavy heart,
“I love you. I love you so much than you could remember, Taehyung.”
With that, you turned your back and walked away.
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taglist rules
RESTARTING OVER AGAIN TAGLIST [🔧🔨 ]
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misspearly1 · 1 year
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115 and 116 with joel bear? <3
Oh my Gosh! Nonnie, forgive me for how long I have taken to complete this. I'm working through my requests slowly. These prompts though?? 🥹 Oh so good for our beloved Joel bear! Thank you so much for sending this into my blog and I hope you enjoy the read. 💜
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A Beautiful Thing
Pairing: Joel Miller x Y/N (F!Reader)
WC: 3.9K
Prompts: "You wrote me a song?" // "You weren't supposed to hear that!"
Warnings: 18+ Content. Minors DNI. Strangers to lovers. Love at first sight. Soft Joel playing the gee-tar. Joel being a tease. Reader worrying that she had ruined a surprise, but Joel making her feel better about it. Light Smut. Ass Groping & Kissing. Lots of Fluff with a Happy Ending.
Song Choice: It's Your Love by Tim McGraw - inspired this story, the title, and the song that Joel sings in this story. It doesn't belong to me, of course, but I'm stating that all credit goes to the original singers/songwriters just in case I need to.
AN: Ok, I was deep in the fluffy feels with this one Nonnie. There isn't any smut really - which is strange because I'm always a horny ass bish for Joel lol - but let me know if you'd like a part two with some smut. I'd love to come back to this story. 💖
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You have a lot of good days and bad days here in Jackson. Everyone does. It’s just the way life goes, and although the scales sometimes tip too much on the bad side, it only makes you appreciate all the good that much more. 
Take today for example, you woke up bright and early, ate breakfast and felt energetic, then went out on patrol and came back to Jackson without a scratch before taking a shower for date night at your boyfriends house.
It doesn’t sound like much, but when the world went to shit and the chances of dying at any given second became higher than ever, then that is considered a really good day in your books. 
Besides, even if you did have a bad day, then what better way to turn it around than spending an evening with Joel Miller - your boyfriend - whom you deem to be the sexiest man alive?
You vividly remember how Joel took your breath away the first time you met him. Albeit, he was chopping wood under the summer sun with no shirt on in his backyard, but he was, and still is, the sexiest guy you’ve ever laid eyes on. 
This happened just over six months ago, and the only reason you were in his backyard in the first place was to ask for advice about carving a sculpture out of wood, but drooling over his half naked body is what you did instead for a few minutes before he noticed you were standing there.
The man caught you eyeing him up and down, and thankfully for your sake, he felt flattered rather than uncomfortable. You often think about that day and smile fondly at how he reacted to your mindless ogling. The way he blushed a little and softly chuckled never fades from your memory.
You apologised for the intrusion of course, and for staring at him too, then explained that you were there to seek his professional advice. He was a carpenter after all and you assumed he’d know how to help. The project you were working on at the time was a three foot wooden rabbit. You’ve always believed they brought good luck and wanted something decorative for your home.
Joel naturally took an interest in your project and instead of just giving you a short answer and a couple pointers, he offered you a seat on his back porch and gave some really helpful advice on what to do and what not to do. You sat with the man for twenty minutes and the conversation flowed like you were a friend to him, not a stranger. He really made you feel comfortable and welcome, even offered you a tall glass of lemonade with ice upon noticing you were burning up from the sun in the sky.
You accepted his offer, but later admitted that it was actually his voice causing you to burn up. Not only were you attracted to his looks, but you were attracted to that thick southern drawl of his too. He spoke with a pleasantly deep, yet equally soft and smooth tone, one that just captured your whole attention and drew you in.
Joel's company was captivating, and you hungrily wanted more of his attention, but even though he didn't give you any reason to end the conversation, you made an excuse to leave and let him get back to chopping wood. You didn’t want to leave so soon after meeting him, but you had already taken up too much of his time and thanked him before saying your goodbyes. His response however, was most surprising.
“Happy to help, darlin’,” is what he said to you, and the flirtatious wink he shot your way made you feel weak in the knees. It was a simple gesture, but he did it so smoothly and with a seductive smirk on his lips too that just made you all the more attracted to him. 
You left Joel that day, feeling giddy, turned on and a little lightheaded too, then planned to return three days later with a home baked cherry pie to say thanks for the help, but to your absolute surprise and delight, the man showed up at your door just as you had taken the pie out of your oven.
He wanted to see you again and had asked his brother where you live to show up at your door unannounced. You invited him into your home, shared that cherry pie over another captivating conversation and the rest was history. 
Six months later, here you are now; in a steady relationship with the man and your love for each other grows stronger everyday. You still drool over him and even consider it a hobby of yours to watch him work, especially when he’s in his workshop.
You like to be in his company and often just sit on the sofa with a book to read while he chips and chisels away at a block of wood, creating another masterpiece worthy of a place on display around his home. But more often than not, your book is abandoned as you choose to gaze upon him instead.
No matter how many times you’ve done it before, you never grow tired of admiring the way Joel looks while working. He has a little lamp in his desk, it’s dimly lit and casts a warm glow across his face which just highlights his rugged good looks in the very best way. 
The focus and patience he has with woodwork is quite impressive too. You love to see that look of concentration on his face. It’s the way his eyes glide across his sculpture and his brows furrow, or the way he sometimes presses the tip of his tongue against his lip. You don’t know why he does that, but it’s really cute and funny to see nonetheless. Suppose it’s just one of those things that some people do without realising it. 
While you often like to gaze at him in his workshop, he likes to gaze at you too, especially when dancing in the dark. It’s become something that you and Joel do almost every night. He waits till nightfall, when all the lights are off and you’re about to head upstairs to bed or say goodnight and head home. Spontaneously grabbing your hand, he’ll pull you toward his chest and sway to the sweet sound of silence, grinning brightly as you laugh with endearment.
Dancing in the dark. That was Joel’s thing. He started it, but it’s something you very quickly grew to love. Speaking of love, he often swears that your love does something to him while dancing in the dark with you. He’ll joke and say that he’s under a spell, but can’t get enough while looking into your eyes and brushing a piece of hair behind your ear to really drink in the sight of your face mere inches away from his. 
And you believe him. Believe every word of what he says. He certainly acts like he can’t get enough of your love as he finds any and all ways to adore you. “Darlin’, your love is a beautiful thing.” He’s said to you many times before in the past and you believe him, but you never forget to tell him that his love is also a beautiful thing as well. The man treasures you, thinks the world of you and keeps you close to his heart. Those feelings are mutual. You feel the same way as he does, and honestly, you can see yourself spending the rest of your days with Joel. 
Upon spending the last several minutes thinking about the man, the desire to be in his company was growing rapidly, thus making you pick up your pace to reach his house faster. He unfortunately lives on the other side of Jackson, therefore it takes a solid ten minutes to walk there depending on your speed. Usually, you just take a leisurely stroll, but tonight you’re feeling extra needy for his love and attention.
Approaching his front door with your own key in hand, a key that he gave you two weeks ago, you unlock the door and slip inside quietly without making any noise. Joel admitted that he would have given you a key to his home sooner, but he worried about how it would make you feel and assured you that the gesture doesn’t need to be reciprocated. He just didn’t want to rush you, or make you feel obligated in any way, but you wanted to. You wanted him to have access to your house like it was his second home, and so you took your spare key and gave it to him two weeks ago on that very same day. 
Truthfully, you like to spend most evenings over at Joel’s house compared to yours. You can’t describe it exactly, or pin-point the reason why, but his house just feels the right place to be. Despite that, he also has such great taste in decoration too. You admire the way he furnished his place. It looks better than yours and feels cosy, welcoming and relaxed. 
Since you could hear the familiar twang of his guitar upon entering his home, you guessed that he was out back on the porch. It’s one of two usual spots that he likes to sit and play till his heart's content. You love to listen to him, and considering you wanted to take him by surprise, you tip-toed your way into the kitchen and through the laundry room to listen at the back door. However, you didn’t recognise the tune. 
The song Joel was playing is something he hasn’t ever played before, but it started off with an acoustic that was warm and gentle. Just so soothing to the ears that you instantly relaxed as your face softened with a smile. You leaned against the doorframe and closed your eyes, listening to him harmonising with the melody that he had created. The sound of him humming was so peaceful that it could lull you to sleep right here, but then he started singing and your heart skipped a beat. 
“Dancing in the dark, middle of the night,” he says poetically, the lyrics of his song catching your attention right away, “Taking your heart, and holding it tight,” he continues and you continue to listen closely, “Emotional touch, touching my skin, and asking you to do what you’ve been doing all over again. Oh, it’s a beautiful thing,” you gasp, holding your hand over your mouth with tears welling up in the corners of your eyes. “Don’t think I can keep it all in. I just gotta let you know what it is that won’t let me go. It’s your love, it just does something to me.” 
You couldn’t believe what you were hearing. It was a complete shock to hear a song so moving and meaningful, and sung so beautifully by Joel that’s about you and your love. You had so much joy exploding inside of you that it was overwhelming, though he stopped abruptly and you peeped around the door to find him jotting words down on a little pocket pad - his song book. 
He looked so enthralled as he continued where he left off, his head bobbing along to the tune as he tapped his foot against the floor. You still couldn’t believe it and almost felt compelled to pinch your skin to check if this was all a dream. Joel rarely sings for you. He plays the guitar for you all the time, but to actually sing along to his music takes a lot of courage and just hearing him sing so passionately with confidence was sending shivers down your spine. 
His voice was transcendent and mesmerising, full of affection and romance. It made you feel like you were at the centre of his world, enveloped in the warmth of his love. Though, as much as you loved to hear the man sing, it didn’t feel right doing it this way. You were essentially eavesdropping on him at a time where he was most vulnerable, and it’s not fair.
He doesn’t know you’re standing just a few feet away, and what if that betrays his trust if he were to find out? Or worse, what if it destroys his confidence to ever sing in front of an audience? The worry of this possibility made up your mind. He can’t know you’re here. Not yet and not like this. 
Moving away from the door and quietly making your way towards the kitchen, your plan is to open the front door and shut it loud enough for him to hear. Then he will stop singing, hide his songbook and you can pretend that this never happened until he is ready to play his song for you. You could still hear him as you neared the front of the house, and the sound of his voice was as beautiful as ever. 
Upon reaching the front door, you opened it and shut it again before calling out for him like this was your first entry. “Hi baby!” You say excitedly, “I’m home.” 
The music stops instantly and it makes you stifle a laugh to hear him yell back like he wasn’t just singing his heart out. “Hey darlin’, I’m in the backyard,” I know that, you thought, “Come out here. I got somethin’ to show yer.” Oh shit… You panicked, wondering what he had to show you and if you have just spoiled your own surprise. What if he was going to play the song for me tonight anyway and I ruined it? You ask yourself with a pang of regret. 
You didn’t know what to think or what to expect when you approached the backdoor for a second time, but the smile on Joel’s face brought you some comfort and relief. After all, you were eager to see him tonight and are still very much hungry for his love and attention, but if you have ruined something special, then you at least hope some of the surprise can be salvaged. 
Hurrying towards him and taking a seat right on his lap, you held both your hands to each side of his face and leaned in to plant a kiss on his lips, displaying just how much you miss him. He kisses you back ravenously and smiles like he hadn’t seen you in days when it was only last night that you last saw each other. The fact that he missed you just as much made your heart swell. 
Naturally, he laid both hands to your ass with a groping squeeze, humming deeply into your mouth with satisfaction. You like when he holds onto your ass like this. It makes you feel adored and aroused. He breaks off to look at you, his smile slowly turning into a smirk as he whispers. “Hi, gorgeous” 
“Hey, stud,” you reply and mirror his smile, though your cheeks started to burn up under his wanton gaze. “How’s it going?” You ask upon recognising the playful mood he was in and return the gesture with your teasing tone of voice, “I see that you have your guitar out here. Playing for the stars again?" 
“Oh, you saw that, did you?” He chuckles with amusement, as if he were pleased with himself and you can tell that he’s up to something since he had that look in his eyes; it was just full of mischief. You looked at him suspiciously, your eyes narrowed as he continued to laugh. “Yeah, I have my guitar out here…” he slowly bit his lip, and he did it in such a sexually provocative manner that it made you clench around nothing. “I was singing a song.” 
“M-hm,” you roll your lips together and quickly gather that he’s onto you. That’s why he’s acting this way… He knows. “And um… What song were you singing?” You try to come across like you don’t have the slightest clue, as if you don’t already know he was singing. 
His chest swells with pride as he answers truthfully, “I was singing your song, babydoll.” 
“You wrote me a song?” You beam excitedly. Even though you already knew, it didn’t take away how incredibly special you feel upon hearing the man say those words himself. Perhaps some of his surprise for you was salvaged after all. You weren’t taken aback with shock, but you felt your stomach flutter and your heart begin to pick up speed once again. He still looked so happy too, and you could tell he was savouring the way you reacted.
“Yes darlin’. I wrote you a song and I was singing it just now, but-” he looks at you with accusatory eyes, “You weren’t supposed to hear that.” 
Now you were taken aback with shock, and he began to laugh at your reaction, the sound was sweet and authentic to your ears. It didn’t sound fake or full of mockery. He just sounded so amused and happy, really happy as a matter of fact, and he ran his hands up your back reassuringly. “You weren’t supposed to hear that yet,” he clarifies, and it gives you some comfort, “It’s ok that you did, and I appreciate that you tried to make it better by pretending you didn’t hear me.” 
“Fuck…” You sigh and shake your head, blaming yourself for ruining everything. “Did you know I was standing there the whole time?” You ask incredulously. 
“No, not quite, sweetheart.” He replies, thus causing you a great deal of confusion. If he didn’t know I was here, then how did he know I heard him singing? You wonder while he continues to smile and shake softly with a chuckling laughter escaping him. He’s too happy, and that look on his face spoke of pleasure. 
“Wanna take a wild guess as to how I knew?” He asks, then pauses briefly with one of his brows raised, as if giving you a chance to think about his question before answering. But you didn’t answer. You couldn't answer, so he did instead. “Since when do you come home and announce you're here?” 
“Oh my God, Joel,” you cry out with embarrassment. Burying your face into his neck and lamenting over your mistake, you could still feel him shaking ever so slightly as he continued to laugh at your failure. “Of course!” You moan into his shirt with a ghost of a smile on your lips. “How could I have been so stupid and forget about that. Of course you would know something was up.” 
“You’re not stupid at all. Don’t say that, babe,” he chides. Sliding his hand up your spine and cupping the back of your head, his embrace tightens a little as he plants a kiss in your hair, the action making you feel less disappointed with yourself. “I know you were thinking what’s best for me,” he says, hugging you closely, “And that’s something special right there, doll.” 
Tilting your head to rest your cheek against his neck, his words gave you even more relief and comfort, though the worry around fucking everything up still remained. You lift your head to look at him, expressing a look of regret in your eyes and ask: “When did you originally plan to play me the song?” You sigh, chewing on the inside of your lip with self-annoyance, “I just feel really bad, you know? Like I ruined something special you had planned to surprise me with.” 
“You didn’t ruin anything,” he promised. Shifting his position a little more to aid his comfort, he leans back and kicks his feet up onto the table before pulling you to sit directly over his crotch. The action was nothing out of the ordinary, he prefers you to sit like this as much as you do, but it made you gasp softly upon feeling his bulge press into your heat from below.
He heard the noise you made and recognised the way it made you feel, causing him to smirk before resting his hands to your ass once again. “I hadn’t decided when to play it for you,” he answers, shrugging. “I just couldn’t make up my mind… was overthinkin’ the how and when to do it, but I shoulda’ just played it for you a long time ago.” 
“Wait…” You tilt your head at him, confused, “What do you mean by a long time ago? How long have you been working on this?” 
He grins brightly, his cheeks starting to blush a little from your questions, but he had no problem in answering them truthfully. “Six months ago, right after I met you in our backyard,” he says, and it really takes your emotions on a rollercoaster ride as you don't know what to say or what to think. Though, your silence didn’t discourage him and he continued. “I knew you were different darlin’, and as soon as you left me, I couldn’t stop thinkin’ about yer,” your face burns with flattery as you absorb his compliments. “Couldn’t even get back to chopping wood. I was that head over heels for yer… So, I grabbed my guitar and started playing something I never played before.” 
“Really?” You manage to break your silence to ask.
“Really babydoll.” He responds with an affirmative nod. “The tune came first, but the lyrics came later and…” he pauses momentarily to brush your hair behind your ear and gaze into your eyes. “...That day I showed up at your door and we shared the cherry pie in your kitchen? That’s when I knew for sure you were different. I knew in my heart that you were something special, Y/N.” 
“Joel,” you blurt his name with an elevated tone in your voice, your smile displaying nothing but delight and rejoice. “Did I really make you fall that hard for me?” You cry out and laugh sweetly, as if you couldn’t believe him even though he’s just said it himself. He fell just as hard as you did the moment you laid your eyes upon him. The feeling was mutual. It always has been. 
“Yes ma’am, I did indeed,” he drawls thickly, the crows feets around his eyes deepening, “And showing up at your door unannounced was the first best decision I ever made in our relationship.” He details, though it piqued your interest and you had to ask: “If that was the first, then what was the second best decision you ever made?” 
Joel pulls you in, placing his lips to your cheek with a tickling kiss as he whispers teasingly. “I’m sure you can figure that one out,” he chuckles softly before peering into your eyes and holding your line of sight. You hear the way his breath hitches in his throat, see the way he looks at your lips and smiles, his eyes expanding with love and devotion. It’s the way he looks at you every night, and sure, you could figure out what the second best decision he ever made was, but you wanted to hear him say it himself. You wanted to hear him ask you that question. 
And not a second later, he did ask you that question, and your answer was an immediate yes.
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lazycats-stuff · 9 months
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Jason Todd
Jason Todd & child!male reader
Summary: could you do a jason todd x male child reader where somone is bothering reader when their out with jason and he just goes big brother mode. - REQUEST
Jason Todd x male!reader, PART 2
Ya it has to do with Jason Todd x Joker's son meeting in a club and alcohol heats things up between the two, maybe they had feeling for the other but ignored it? - REQUEST
Jason Todd & male!reader
I actually have another idea while I lay with my cat lol batfam/Jason Todd x brother reader (like he's the biological son of Bruce but a lil older than Damien) he has a close relationship with Jason compared to his other siblings and he ends up getting captured by Joker? - REQUEST
Jason Todd & male!reader, part 2
could you do jason todd having a younger brother from like willis’s side and jason just finds out they exist and just goes big brother bodyguard mode even tho his lil bro just vibing because jason has weapons - REQUEST
Jason Todd x male!reader
hi i got a request lol this is like my first time asking so i’m embarrassed☠️ but i was wondering if you could write something with a Spider-Man!anti-hero!reader and he’s in some fight with Red Hood, but they’re fighting near another fight where poison ivy’s fighting off some cops cuz she’s trynna escape from arkham and some of her aphrodisiacs/pheromone power from the plants get too close to where reader and red r fighting so they get intoxicated with it and yknow..also leading to some hate fucking. also with the added spinnerrette kink(that was RLLY embarrassing to write i’m so sorry if that sounds like a lot😭) but tysm !! - REQUEST
Jason Todd x male!reader
I was wondering if I could request Jason x Male reader who pushes Jason out of the way of an attack just on time but take the blow instead getting shot/stabbed in the gut. Maybe on the way to the hospital/or in surgery he has to be brought back.
But maybe somewhere at the end reader re-sure Jason that everything will be okay and just how much he loves him by covering him in soft lil kisses.
Jason Todd & child!male reader, PART 2
if ur requests are open could you do jason todd w brother reader whos like a baby baby, super young and the batfam is suprised he likes jason the most and jason gets really emotional when his first word is 'jay' - REQUEST
Jason Todd x male!reader
I was wondering if I could request a Jason Todd x Male reader who is a total bad ass, but finally gets the courage to show Jason. Reader teases Jason with a little belly dancing show, which may have made the night very hot and steamy? (Reader bottom) - REQUEST
Jason Todd x male!reader
Hello, good day/afternoon or night. I wanted to make a request if you don't mind. I would like it to be a jason todd x male reader, where the reader is of the same race as martian manhunter and that i worked with jason in the "outlaws" I would like to see the reader a little unsure of himself because of his Martian appearance and a protective and loving Jason. And that he shows it by making love in a tender and affectionate way and those things.
I hope not to be a nuisance. - REQUEST
Jason Todd x male!reader
You have given me an idea I was wondering if I could request Jason Todd x Male assassin reader like the trope villain x hero, who do you think would make the other turn into a flustered mess? - REQUEST
Jason Todd & male!reader
Hey, I'd love to request Jason x big brother reader, before Bruce adopted Jason he had a big brother who took care of him, but one day the reader kinda vanished and money just randomly appeared near Jason. The reader made some sketchy deal with someone in exchange for Jason to be taken care of. The reader was an experiment and got turned into some sort of monster (still a human silhouette but just a bit different, memories wiped, can't speak etc.) and years later, when Jason is red hood and on a mission with the batfam, they encounter the reader. Jason remembers the reader through some jewelry he gifted them, and he tries and helps the reader remember who they are.
Jason Todd x male!reader
Can i request anyone from batfam (you decide) x male reader that goes non-verbal when overwhelmed, which is quite often. The first time they met each other, the character asked a question and the reader just stared at them with a pure look of horror. The reader doesn't know ASL because he's too afraid to join a group and he freezes when he's overwhelmed so he can hardly lift a finger to talk.
Jason Todd x male!reader
Hello! Hope you're having a good day/night I was wondering if I could request Jason x male reader he's been going out with Jason and has been keeping alot of secrets from his past. But he's very loving and protective of Jason! Reader is covered in scars that he doesn't elaborate on how he got them. He has strange quirks like wearing gloves (never touching silver), tries hiding his nervousness around muzzles and cages and petrified of small confined spaces. Reader's a werewolf and has been for many years, being a werewolf means you're life will never find peace forever, that you'll be hunted down like a monster till eventually a hunter arrives that does kill you. Maybe at a gala something happens and reader gets poisoned resulting in him almost dying. Like maybe he took Jason's drink smelling something off about it and his protective instincts kick in, I can also imagine reader and titis being close friends, and trys to warn them that something wrong?
Jason Todd x male!reader
Hi! Can I request a Jason Todd x Male Reader where the reader and Jason are in a secret relationship and even Bruce doesn’t know. So one day, Jason thinks that his family is out, he invites the reader over and they have a make out session. In the middle of it, Jason’s siblings come home, and they black mail him (like normal sibling blackmailing)
Jason Todd x male!reader
i was wondering if you’d like to write a Jason Todd x male!reader(gender neautral is fine too)who’s also a vigilante magic user! Jason meets Y/N as red hood first on patrol and eventually meets them out of costume at a book store(doesn’t know Y/N is magic user vigilante yet). Jason is entranced by “both” of them. Is it magic or chemistry?
Jason Todd x male!reader
Jeason todd x Wednesday Addams male reader please
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l0vergirlwrites · 10 months
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but you… ; jj maybank
warnings: few swears & lots of fluff!!!! this is really short lol
inspired by "anyone else but you" by moldy peaches
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"c'mon jay! we don't sound that bad"
"you sound great babe, but i sound like shit"
the two of you were situated outside the chateau on a hammock, a guitar in your lap & a laptop in jj's. you've been dying to sing with him since you got a new guitar from your mom a few weeks ago, plus, there's a cute trend on tiktok were couples sing that one song from the juno movie... so you convinced jj to sing it with you.
"jay," you nudged him with your left elbow, head perking up to look at him. "you do not sound like shit! i, for one, like your singing voice"
scoffing at you, jj took off his cap to ruffle his hair. "you're only saying that because you like me" he half joked.
"no, i said that because i love you, surfer boy" you emphasized, seeing how he started to grin & look away from his lap to focus on you.
"yeah?"
"oh yeah"
with a sigh & a smile, jj suggested that the two of you could sing the song again. "take it away, popstar".
as you began strumming the guitar strings with the turtle pick kiara got you, the familiar chords of g & cmajor 7 filled your ears happily. jj looked at you with lovestruck eyes as he admired your smile & how happy you looked playing the instrument. & when your voice hit his ears, he could've sworn he was in heaven.
"you're a part time love & a full time friend, the monkey on your back is the latest trend. i don't see what anyone else can see in anyone else, but you..." you sang out, your eyes glancing up at jj with rosy warm cheeks.
"i kiss you on the brain in the shadow of a train. i kiss you all starry-eyed, my body is swinging from side to side. i don't see what anyone can see in anyone else, but you..." jj sang, his voice slightly quieter but beautiful none the less.
he had to look at his laptop for the lyrics & he sometimes stumbled on the words, but you thought he was the most perfect person ever.
"here is the church & here is the steeple, we sure are cute for two ugly people. i don't see what anyone can see in anyone else, but you..." you both sang together, catching glances & smiles & short laughs at how silly but pretty the lyrics were.
the rest of the song continued, your head falling onto jj's shoulder as you tried to hide how wide your smile was. it felt like the world only consisted of you both, the marsh, the smell of salt & campfires—it was pure bliss. what you both didn't know what that sarah was recording you both from the kitchen window, zooming in perfectly on you guys through a large hold in the screen window that john b forgot to fix.
it wasn't until jj pressed a kiss to yoru temple that you heard someone let out an "aweeee", causing you to turn your head up towards the house, groaning when sarah came out of her hiding place.
"sarah cameron!" you & jj shouted with fake gasps, feeling jj's arm sneak around your waist as she walked up to the hammock. the blonde boy tisked, clicking his tongue while his cold rings tapped the bare skin of your hip.
"sorry! i just couldn't help it! you guys are so cute!" you could imagine jj jokingly rolling his eyes at the blonde girl, but you mouthed a shy "thank you" that she could only see.
thanks to her, you'd always have that memory for you to replay whenever you needed it.
& for the record, you both sounded great.
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omg I want to know, how were the Napoleon Queer Wars of 2014 like?? 😬
oh lord lol
It's been almost ten years and I still get weird YIKES reaction in my skin when I think about it, or when people in the current Napoleonic corner act a bit like the people from back then. Which is a me issue, and not anyone else's problem. But it is why I don't really engage with anyone from the Napoleonic side of tumblr anymore - too many bad memories and bad taste in my mouth.
Essentially, someone posted the (in)famous Cronin quote re: Napoleon telling Coulaincourt about the Feelings He Gets When Looking At Someone Handsome Friend Shaped. They speculated about queer* implications of this.
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*necessary disclaimer about modern concepts of sexuality not being applicable to the past yadda yadda yadda. I'm using short hand here, folks. No one needs to jump down my throat.
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A bunch of the Very Serious History Blogs(tm) came down hard on them being like "you're a fool, absolutely not, Napoleon was Straight(tm)". Someone else replied being like "Well what about That Letter from N to Josie concerning a Certain Tsar of Russia?"
I forget how That Letter was explained away, but it was.
Some name calling nonsense and really aggresive replies where bandied back and forth. People were passive aggresive and mean. People ignored each other then wrote vagueing posts about it. The usual damned foolishness you would expect.
Then someone else referenced that one book whose whole thesis is basically Napoleon was Probably Bi. The book, I will say, isn't great. I'd never recommend it. But it was floating around in the 2014/15 world of Napoleonic Tumblr.
And oh man was the person who suggested it torn to shreds. Eviscerated. It was like watching a train wreck and the by standers decided to lock the doors of the train and not let the passengers off while everything burned.
There were weird spin-off dramas from this nonsense where people got into whether or not being interested in Napoleon made you a war crime sympathizer. (Some things never change on this webbed site.) Messy, messy. Also, utterly dumb.
Anyway - it ended up weirdly boiling down to two sides: Are You A Serious Historian/Take History Seriously(tm) Therefore Anti-Napoleon Possibly Being Something Like Queer Even If Never Acted On versus People Having Fun(tm) on the Internet Who Now Have Their Backs Up and Are Responding Perhaps Unwisely.
There was a third party, which I was part of at that time** (no longer, since I left academia), which was the "We Do Real History As A Day Job, Because We Are In Academia, but Lol Like Hell Would I Think to do Serious History on the Blue Hell Site. I'm Present for Shits and Giggles and Idle Speculation and Chats. Nothing Here is Serious. Everyone Needs To Calm Down and Take Themselves Way Less Seriously." We were a small contingent, to say the least.
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**this is not to say I didn't walk away with egg on my face. Because I did. My comportment wasn't great and it's something I've been trying to be better about ever since.
It's not a time I think anyone save like four Napoleonic-interested blogs can look back on without blame.
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But yeah - it was a real bad time on here. People were called names and cruel, cruel messages were sent to various and sundry by various and sundry. People deactivated over it. Friendships were literally torched because of it. There was a lot of issues with: "What Is Tone When Jumping On Someone's Post?? We don't know how to gauge it! Are you being mean? Are you being helpful? Who knows!! But you sounded aggresive in your add on and so I had better respond aggressively as well."
All because some people took themselves too seriously and because other people were stupidly mean about something dumb.
If I sometimes come in really strong with five million disclaimers in my napoleon asks/responses, even just the silly, purely speculative ones that no one sensible expects Real Serious History to result from - questions that clearly fall into the camp of shit a friend would ask you at the bar after four pints - things like: "was he queer? do you think he had add/adhd? what do you speculate were mental health issues he may have had?" etc. it's because of this year/year-and-a-half shit show. (And my disclaimers don't always serve their purpose because this is, after all, the Piss on the Poor website and people lack attention to detail when reading. [That said, I'm just as guilty of it as well, so can't point too many fingers.])
anyway, the long and short is that MAN people were very anti-any idea that there might have been an iota of what we would term queerness in Napoleon. And MAN no one can be normal on this site about anything so of course there was unnecessary drama and hurt feelings and bitterness.
May we never repeat this stupid time.
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bluegalaxygirl · 5 months
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Heyyy!!!! i was wondering if you could write a zosan with a reader that speaks a different language and her background is different from them and she’s homesick and she cooks food from home and sanji wants to learn how to cook it so that next time she’s homesick (i’m homesick really bad right now lol)
(more cats for you)🫶🏽🫶🏽🫶🏽🫶🏽
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Thank you so much for the cats they are so cute and i love how each one represents a member of the straw hat crew. Also i love the idea and i'm sorry your homesick so i hope this is good.
Zoro X Sanji X Reader, poly relationship, established relationship, reader is GN.
Warning: Fluff.
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^ You don't often get homesick but sometimes places or things remind you of home and when that happens things can hit hard. Once happy memories now make you cry and of course Zoro and Sanji took notice. They knew your home was important to you and leaving was a big decision, so they understood when you got a little down but this was different.
^ You often use your own language when you get mad about something or to express something but its funny to see some of the crew's reaction to it. Luffy, Chopper and Franky is always confused while Brook and Usopp tend to get more scared than when there scolded by Nami especially if your angry words are directed at them. Nami loves it and if she isn't getting threw to anyone she'll often drag you over and tell you to do your worst, she has no idea what your saying but its effective. Robin and Jinbe know a few words here and their mainly because they have both travailed a lot and like to learn new things.
^ Sanji and Zoro don't understand exactly what your saying, but they know what you mean either by your body language or tone of voice. Zoro has picked up a few words here and there but only knows what they might mean, your surprised at how accurate he is on sometimes. Sanji loves listening to you talk in your language he often gets heart eyes even when your mad about something he can't help but love the way you talk and the strange words that fall from your lips.
^ Sanji and Zoro love to hear about your home and your culture, your home was so different to theirs on so many levels. When you told them you were feeling homesick they both asked what they could do to help but you honestly didn't know, Sanji asked if you could teach him how to cook food from your home while Zoro offered to get put stuff on your shared room that reminded you of home, like a color or figure.
^ You asked your grandmother to send you and copy of her old recipe book so Sanji could use it but you ran into a problem when it arrived, you forgot it was in your language and your Grandmother didn't put too many measurement down since she was the type to do things by eye. You didn't worry too much though, you rewrote the book so Sanji could understand and in a way it made you feel a lot better and remember old times.
^ Sanji watched you cook mainly form memory even though the book was right in front of you and managed to fill in the missing measurement, but he was so impressed, you really knew what you were doing and the smile on your face made his heart flutter. He helped you cook both of you working together to create something that meant so much to you and Sanji made sure to port even more love and care into the food than he normally does.
^ Zoro asked you a lot about your culture and home, form there he picked up a few things that you most likely didn't realize were important to you so kept them in mind. He could see the way your eyes light up when talking about your home and often wants to hear more just to see that look on your face, he'll sit there for hours if you let him just looking at you with so much love.
^ When ever you went out to a village to get stuff he would come with you and tend to spot things that reminded you of home, he'd ask if you wanted it but you'd say no. Zoro knows you to well sometimes and can tell by a simple shift of the eyes if your lying or not. If you are lying he'll keep the places Name in mind, so he can go out with someone else later to get it for you. Zoro wouldn't give you the things that he bought instead he would do one of two things, hide it for another time like when your homesick again, or just put it in your room and just shrug when you ask about it.
^ Getting homesick would come few and far between after everything they've done for you but when it does hit, it hurts and sometimes you can't even look at the food from home Sanji cooks or the little things in your room that Zoro got you. In times like that no one knows what to do not even you, all the boys can do is hold you and give you words of love and reassurance but Luffy ended up giving the boys an idea, it didn't surprise them that their captain wanted to throw a party but what did surprise them was the theme.
------------------ Story
You weren't aloud outside your room for hours, Sanji and Zoro only told you it was a surprise and to wait so you did even though it was a long wait you still did it. When Sanji finally walks in your relived only for the man to make you close your eyes and cover them while he helps you out the room and down onto the grassy deck of the sunny. "You ready?" Sanji asks seeming more excited as his hands go to your waist keeping you still, you feel another set of hands this time around your wrists "I hope you like it" Zoro's voice hits your ears making you smile and nod, finally your hands are pulled away from your face to reveal the grassy deck full of food, drinks and decorations. You couldn't help the smile that forms as the crew cheer "Surprise" Sanji and Zoro smile at you as your face lights up, everything about the deck, the food and drinks are based around your home and culture, it felt like you were home again. Tears of joy well up in your eyes as you pull your boys in for a hug "This is amazing, thank you" You laugh unable to believe what they've done for you. "Your welcome love but it wasn't really our idea" Sanji rubs your back as you pull away and turn hearing Luffy laugh behind you "It was the captain's idea" Zoro looks over at his captain who nods before pointing to Brook "Lets Party".
The music was just like home as well as the energy, Nami and Robin danced together and you could tell that Robin has been teaching the navigator a few of your home town moves. The food was almost everything form your grandmas cook book, all perfectly made by Sanji with a helping hand from Nami and Chopper. It teased perfect, almost like your grandmother had made it herself, you couldn't be more happy with it and you knew your grandmother would be proud and probably fawn over Sanji for making it perfect. The decor was made by Usopp and Franky but Zoro was the one who told them what to make and if things where wrong, you knew he took notice but there were very small details that he got just right even the placement was perfect. Brook asked for help form Jinbe and Robin since they seemed to know more about your language and Music, he wanted to play music, but he also wanted to try and play it in your language, the poor musician struggled a little but you couldn't be prouder, he got a few words wrong but it never affected the song or the meaning behind it. After hearing everything you couldn't help but be thankful to everyone and express that as many times as possible.
As the night went on you danced, sang and had a very good time, your homesickness long forgotten and that heavy feeling gone. You sat with the two boys, Zoro in the middle like always watching the others dance and Brook sing, you sang lightly along with the music in your native language tapping your knee with your finger to the beat. Zoro was transfixed holding his beer mug in his hand but not taking a sip just looking at you calm and happy face and listening to you sing in words he doesn't full understand. You only stop singing when you look up and notice the look on Zoro's face, his light smile and focused eye on yours "Don't stop" His simple words made you smile leaning into him more and placing your head on his shoulder, Sanji reaches his hand over and interlocks your fingers with his "Please love, keep going" You couldn't refuse the two so continued on while the swordsman's hand rubs your hip and the cooks thumb runs over yours. "Its beautiful" Sanji whispers after the songs over and watches as you lift your head off Zoro's shoulder "I can't thank you two enough, this is... beyond amazing" You couldn't help but thank them. Everything about this is perfect, Sanji moves tucks some hair behind your ear before leaning over and place his lips on yours "Anything for you, mi amour" The cook places one last kiss on your lips before sitting back.
Zoro places his still full mug down before looking you over as you turn to look up at him, his hand running up your side as he leans down "There's no need to thank us, the nights not over yet" The swordsman speaks against your lips before placing a kiss on them, a few short kisses turn into longer kisses until Zoro bits your lower lip asking for something more. You gladly provide, opening your mouth for him and letting your tongues meet and roam around, running your hand up his chest to his cheek you rub your thumb over his cheek bone while lightly humming in delight. You only pull away when air is needed but you stay close and whisper loving words to him in your own language making the man smiles and kiss your lips lightly. Zoro turns to Sanji who's looking at the two of you with love and a slight pinkness to his cheeks, "You did a good job" The swordsman leans over places kisses on the cooks lips who gladly kisses back "You did too" The blonde complements before locking lips with Zoro eagerly opening his mouth before the swordsman can get a chance to ask, as the two make out you can't help but smile seeing the two happy and loving each other. Sanji soon pulls away slightly breathless but with a wide smile "You want to dance?" The cook asks taking your hand looking you over before looking at Zoro. The swordsman shakes his head refusing the offer while picking his mug back up drinking some of it.
You nod kissing Zoro's cheek before standing and letting Sanji take your hand walking you over to where the others are. You love dancing with Sanji, you often do it in the kitchen but with the lights, the music and decor it feels special, wrapping your arms around Sanji's neck you lean in closer placing your lips on his as his hands guide your hips as you dance. You two share light kisses throughout only focusing on each other and blocking out the world around you two, as the music picked up so did your dancing, going form slow and intimate to a quicker pace with more energy. Luffy, Chopper and Franky were fascinated by how well you danced using moves from your home while Sanji followed, over the years you've tough each other a lot of dances from your home, so he was very good at it. Zoro watched from afar lightly smiling at how much you seemed to be enjoying yourself, you still sang along to Brooks music in your native language, something about the change of tone or voice when you speak so confidently in that language makes his heart flutter a little. In the end you couldn't be more thankful to the people you have around you, your crew is your family and it may not be home but its like your second home and when needed they can make it more like your old home.
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Hello! Could you do a yuta x reader oneshot where reader is a year younger then him and also uses a sword. They are compared to yuta and put down as lesser when going against Kyoto in the goodwill event. So when she meets him she has a rivalry without him knowing. Some rivals to lovers energy. Thank you so much!
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Pairing: Yuuta x Reader; request says fem but no pronouns were used to describe reader.
CW: Mini tsunderes; slight Yuuta dragging because reader is jealous. Lol First attempt at Yuuta, let’s goo.
Summary: You meet Okkotsu for the first time. He’s friendly, you on the other hand…
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“He looks like the type who got bullied in middle school.”
That’s your first thought upon meeting Okkotsu for the first time. His hair is a bit messy, the disarray obviously from fighting, and his eyes are dark and a little sunken, exhaustion, also obvious to you. The most intimidating thing about him is the tremendous amount of curse energy swirling around him like a thick fog, indicating he definitely had more than enough fire power to earn the reputation that follows him. Yet compared to Gojo, he lacked the flare that you thought all high tier sorcerers were supposed to possess and traded it for gloominess.
Even as he kicks the cursed spirit you were fighting off the broken hilt of his blade, you don’t really feel intimidated by him. It makes you question if this was the same Okkotsu that everyone talks about:
“When I saw another katana-user I got all excited, thinking you’d be like Okkotsu.” The image of that condescending shrug from that thick-headed gorilla known as Todo still haunts you. “But you’re nothing special.”
At least Panda tried to cheer you up after that exchange. “I didn’t know you were a blade-user. It is too bad Yuuta isn’t here. He could probably give you much better training than we could. That’s not to say you don’t know what you’re doing!”
And seeing how average looking he appeared was making you angry and slightly disappointed all over again. This guy is the one who is supposed to be the school’s supreme student?
“Oh, you’re one of sensei’s first years. (Name), right? I didn’t realize the school already stationed someone out here.”
His soft voice easily catches your attention, and it reaffirms your idea that he definitely got bullied in middle school, but what you hadn’t noticed was him getting closer until he was nearly on top of you. Stealthy. “I was assigned to clear the city of remaining curses, but they didn’t tell me that it was a duo mission,” you explain, taking the opportunity to size him up. You didn’t think you could match his cursed energy reserve, but your technique could at least be better.
“I’m not. I noticed a lot of curse energy build up in the area. I’m glad I came to check. You looked like you were in trouble. You’re not hurt, are you?”
You almost make a sarcastic remark, but you’re disarmed by him smiling at you. It’s more innocent and purer than you’re expecting from another sorcerer, and you immediately understand what Panda meant when he claimed that Maki is a little softer around him.
“No, I’m okay. But the area has already been evacuated, and I have the curse situation under control so there’s no need for you to be here,” you tell him, gripping your hand tighter around your sword as you prepare to move to the next city block.
Then, he stops you. “I already killed the remaining curses.”
You freeze in place, your mind flashing with the memories of your assignment and all the curses you’ve taken on since you’ve been here. You had to be out here for at least 2 hours, and he’s saying he finished it all. “All of them?!”
“It really wasn’t that many. Twenty or so. A lot of them were little guys.”
Your jaw must be rusty because it takes three good tries for you to clamp shut your gaping mouth. “I-I see,” you sputter out. “Well, I took the majority anyway. There were three times that when I started.”
“Ah!” He chuckles lightly at you. “I’m sorry to have got in the way then.”
You can’t believe he has the nerve to laugh at you, and you turn to hide your pout. “Just so you know I don’t split mission payment.”
“That’s not a problem, but do you mind if I borrow that? I happened to break mine,” he asks, pointing to the sword latched on your hip. You instinctively clamp your hand around the handle, so tight you can feel the cord burning against your skin. “Please, ma’am. It’d really save me a lot of trouble if I didn’t have to return to the school. I’ll make sure to escort you back to your pickup zone as well.” He folds his hands together, bowing slightly; and though you can’t disagree that something in you likes having the boy you’re always compared to pleading to you or calling you ma’am, your body refuses to hand over the weapon.
“Yes, I mind. You should be more careful with your stuff if you don’t want it breaking, pff, guess your technique isn’t that great after all,” you shrug, and he jerks back slightly at your rejection.
Taken aback, he blushes slightly from embarrassment. “Sorry. Did I do something to make you upset?”
“No, not personally,” you admit quietly, but your conversation is interrupted by the cracking of the ground under your feet. It doesn’t take more than a second to register the cursed energy seeping from the cracking void underneath you. There must have been one hiding all this time.
You duck in Okkotsu’s direction before the ground erupts, revealing a tank-sized scorpion curse. “Looks like you missed one,” you blurt out, and he steps in front of you one hand stretched out in front of your waist to stop you from taking a step forward.
“Stand back,” he instructs and swipes out a katana at his side before moving to take on the curse drilling holes into the ground in front of you.
You scoff as he takes the frontline, as if you were going to stand back and let him do all the work. When you reach for your sword, your fingers grasp nothing but air, and you realize your blade is gone from its scabbard. You search for the familiar glint of steel, only to find the source of your missing blade is non-other than him.
When did he even grab it!
“Hey, you!” you yell out, ignoring the fact that he’s in battle with a curse, not that you think he’d have any trouble judging by the stories; and certainly, you understand now that you would have a lot of catching up to do simply by how easily he takes on the overgrown spirit all by himself.
As soon as the curse spirit fell, you stomp up to him to yank your sword out of his hold while he’s distracted watching the body disappear. “Give me that! Who do you think you are swinging my sword around like that?” you scold, scrutinizing the length of the blade for any knicks. “You, you scratched it!”
He smiles sheepishly, scratching at his cheek to rid himself of the nervous sweat working down the side of his face. “I’m sorry. I’ll be sure to have it repaired.”
“That’s not the point. This is a Grade-1 blade! You can’t pour that much cursed energy into it all willynilly like you did,” you scold with a huff, ignoring his apologies and only stopping when his palm cups your face.
Thinking he was about to pick a fight with you, you brace yourself with an influx of curse energy for protection but it’s only a few seconds for you to register the calm flowing into you.
“Your face is cut up,” he explains, ghosting his thumb over your cheek to swipe away a smear of blood. “Some of the debris from the fight must have hit you.”
“Those are just scratches. Nothing to be concerned about,” you grunt out but it’s not enough to stop him from healing you.
“There. All done,” he says, and you’re momentarily disarmed by that smile again. You guess up close, he’s a bit handsome in a way and the way he handles himself is a bit opposite of the gloomy demeanor you originally predicted. “So, I hate to bring this back up, but—"
Sighing, you suppose you owed him one, at least this once. “You better bring it back in one piece,” you demand, handing the sword off to him.  
“Yes, ma’am.”
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jgracie · 8 days
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wait u are a genius and i want a full explanation of ur analysis on the florida lyrics w jason
⋆౨ৎ˚⟡˖ FLORIDA!!! + JASON GRACE — AN ANALYSIS BY CYNTHIA
masterlist | rules
on the radio . . . florida!!! (taylor swift ft. florence + the machine)
an THANK YOU SOOOO MUCH FOR ENABLING THIS. jason might be a little ooc in this but that's just me looking deeper into his character (something mr rick riordan failed to do). also obvs im not doing lyrics that repeat twice both times LOL also sorry if this is bad these r all off the top of my head
you can beat the heat if you beat the charges too they said i was a cheat, i guess it must be true
there are many possible meanings for the first line but im choosing to interpret it like this - you can escape their criticism if you prove them wrong. this, to me, is similar to when jason came back to camp jupiter. when leo (unwillingly) fired against camp jupiter, the romans immediately began attacking. instead of fighting them himself, jason begs them to listen to him and tells them he's on their side (thus trying to beat the charges of being a traitor)
however, it didn't work and he ended up getting a brick thrown at him and passing out - "they said i was a cheat, i guess it must be true" - while taylor's saying cheat as in a cheater (romantic relationships), for jason this refers to the emotional cheating he did on camp jupiter. sure, he didn't want his memory wiped and to be placed in a whole new camp with the greeks, but he liked it, so in a way he did cheat
and my friends all smell like weed or little babies and this city reeks of driving myself crazy
we all know jason never fit in in camp jupiter. even in his pre-memory loss days, he seemed to stick out like a sore thumb (despite also being their golden child and the son of the camp's namesake). when he comes back to camp jupiter, jason feels even more left out - his friends are all either stuck in the past and incapable of growing and developing ("all smell like weed") or have moved on an extraordinary amount which he cannot keep up with ("or little babies")
as i said above, jason didn't fully merge with his fellow romans. a primary example of this is the fact that he willingly joined the fifth cohort simply to improve it, and im pretty sure he says somewhere he's always been a little more rebellious than the average roman. it also took him a lot of effort to become praetor. coming back to camp jupiter probably brought back all the judgement and criticism he received from the romans - "and this city reeks of driving myself crazy". the verb "reeks" also implies a bad smell, not a good one, so the memories are not a good kind of nostalgia
little did you know your home's really only a town you're just a guest in so you work your life away just to pay for a time-share down in destin
okay so the first part - "little did you know your home's really only / a town you're just a guest in" - again, emphasises how alone and solitary jason feels in camp jupiter. however, i'd like to bring up the fact that percy became praetor within a week (? if not less) of arriving at camp jupiter. praetor is a position which jason grovelled for for ages, only for some random greek guy to be able to replace him after one single quest. why? well, that's simply because the romans saw him as a guest, not a resident of camp or new rome - someone who is temporary and will leave to go somewhere else eventually
jason has been a member of camp jupiter since he was two. he was quite literally working his life away, work is all he ever knew since his childhood was robbed from him so quickly. he worked so hard just to become praetor and so he could make a change and maybe finally fit in with his fellow romans. however, he simply ended up with a timeshare - which (according to google) is "shared ownership of vacation property" - he and percy practically shared the position of praetor, and both saw camp jupiter as somewhere temporary (although jason realised that later on), just like how a vacation home isn't the place you're going to stay in forever
florida is one hell of a drug florida can i use you up?
for jason, florida is camp half-blood. while camp jupiter is orderly and constantly forces him into tight lines, camp half-blood allows him to express himself for who he really is and makes him feel as if he were on cloud nine (similar to how a drug makes you feel when you're high)
however, jason is still hesitant to fully commit to camp half-blood. after all, his father is jupiter, not zeus. could he really be a part of the greeks, or will they see him as foreign too? ("can i use you up?")
the hurricane with my name when it came i got drunk and i dared it to wash me away
in the song, florence welch is referencing hurricane florence, which caused major damage in south-east of the US. since jason is the son of the god of winds and sky, in a way, all hurricanes have his name since they're all semi-controlled by his father - hurricanes run in his blood. he probably sees himself as the hurricane, causing damage to both others and himself. he most likely feels like the piece of domino which started the chain of disasters he and his friends faced, since his arrival at camp half-blood is what began the second great prophecy (for them)
i'm choosing to interpret "i got drunk" as jason changing once he got introduced to the life and culture of greek demigods. he was no longer perfect, proper praetor jason grace. although it (naturally) took him some time, he became wild and carefree like them, similar to how a drunk person may act. this also ties in with the idea of camp half-blood being like a drug to him. everything about it is addictive, the more he gets, the more he wants
barricaded in the bathroom with a bottle of wine
the bottle of wine here is a symbol for camp half-blood. when jason feels unsafe, he chooses the greek camp over the roman to keep him company.
also, this lyric is reminiscent of the great war - "i drew curtains closed, drank my poison all alone" - in which taylor swift isolates herself from everyone else and dwells on the end of her relationship with her ex, which in turn makes her believe they were the bad one in the relationship. similarly, jason is often depicted as thinking about his days at camp jupiter (the few memories he can recall, at least) and from what i can remember it's never really fond. the more he thinks about it, the less camp jupiter feels like home. this reaches a climax in house of hades when he speaks to the god of the southern winds and realises he wants to stay at camp half-blood - he drank his poison and killed any tie he had with camp jupiter
well, me and my ghosts, we had a hell of a time yes, i'm haunted, but i'm feeling just fine
i think this is pretty self explanatory. growing up in the harsh environment of camp jupiter, jason has killed and witnessed death to the point where he seems desensitised to it. however, jason is soft on the inside. he puts up a facade when he's praetor jason grace, not letting anyone else see how much this affected him - "yes, i'm haunted, but i'm feeling just fine"
and your cheating husband disappeared, well no one asks any questions here
i feel like this is him talking to reyna directly (real ones know i am the biggest jeyna shipper so obviously i had to bring them up LMAO). since praetors often end up being in romantic relationships, jason was probably seen by a lot of romans (especially the more traditional ones) as reyna's husband, despite them never even dating
you can sense a bit of snark here as well with "no one asks any questions here" - again, i bring up the fact that the romans were incredibly quick to accept jason's betrayal of camp jupiter, even though he didn't, and reyna siding with them (even though she knows its not true)
a cheating husband is also mentioned in fortnight ("my husband is cheating / i wanna kill him") which i believe is reyna's song but that's a story for another day
so i did my best to lay to rest all of the bodies that have ever been on my body and in my mind, they sink into the swamp is that a bad thing to say in a song?
this is the turning point - the scene in hoh where jason makes the choice between camp jupiter and camp half-blood. he lets go of his past and everyone he knew pre-memory loss ("so i did my best to lay to rest / all of the bodies that have ever been on my body"). please keep the line "i did my best" in mind, as healing isn't a linear process and obviously there were some days where jason wanted nothing more than for things to go back to the way they were
a swamp is described as 'uncultivated', meaning you can't grow any plants in it. similarly, his relationships with the romans will never grow back as "they sink into the swamp"
"is that a bad thing to say in a song?" PURE SASS. he's mocking the ideals of romans but for once doing it without fear. he's saying sure, it might be, but do i care? no 🥰
little did you know your home's really only the town you'll get arrested so you pack your life away just to wait out the shitstorm back in texas
this is once again referencing the fact that jason was exiled from camp jupiter after his 'betrayal', even though he should be the first person they trust in a confusing time like this - discovering there are whole other counterparts of the Gods they know and love. not only because he's praetor (reyna is praetor too, after all), but because he's been at camp for the majority of his life
i need to forget, so take me to florida i've got some regrets, i'll bury them in florida tell me im despicable, say it's unforgivable at least the dolls are beautiful, fuck me up florida
again, pretty self explanatory considering the themes of drugs and alcohol i've mentioned above. jason wants to forget (haha very funny cynthia you all say in unison) anything and everything to do with camp jupiter and roman culture, so naturally, he runs to their antithesis - camp half-blood. i like to think if you played a song in his head while he was choosing between cj and chb it'd be this banger of a bridge
however, he still feels guilty. after all, loyalty is a very serious thing for romans. i think reyna tells annabeth something about how if you swear on your life and break that swear, the romans won't hesitate to actually kill you. no matter how much jason tries to pull away from roman culture, some things (like the loyalty) simply run in his blood - "tell me i'm despicable, say it's unforgivable" he wants to be held accountable by anyone, even though he knows his friends on the argo ii are the last people who'd judge him
"fuck me up florida" is jason completely succumbing to everything greek. we all know how the romans look down at greeks (prime examples being the ghosts calling percy graecus as an insult when he arrives and octavian immediately assuming the worst when the argo ii arrived). to the romans, the greeks are lousy and messy, everything they don't want to be. jason has always been this way deep down. he's willing to let the greeks completely fuck him up
love left me like this and i don't want to exist so take me to florida
love has constantly been bringing jason down. he has a big heart and yet he's lacking so much luck in that department. his relationship with reyna was completely destroyed the moment hera took his memory and put him on that wilderness school bus, and he and piper's relationship has always been awkward, ending in them breaking up and dating someone else while he was left truly alone
here, i don't think chb is florida. however, i don't want to say its elysium because that hurts. so lets just say its a magical place where everything is perfect and he can escape
(take me to) florida
i chose this specific one for the (take me to) bit, which sounds exactly like the "take me to" in the lakes - "take me to the lakes where all the poets went to die"
i don't remember if this was ever mentioned/implied anywhere in the books or if it's something my brain came up with and i accepted as canon, but jason is definitely the type of person who romanticises things he shouldn't. the lakes is one of the the most romantic places in england and is a commonly used date spot
here, jason wants nothing more than to just die peacefully (he is the poet) than have to endure any more pain and misery. what better place to die than in his florida? (i read somewhere that he was buried in cj and nothing makes me wanna kill myself more LMAO)
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ryuichirou · 7 months
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Thanks for feeding us neigevil fans. I love your art so seeing you drawing this ship makes me happy, may the gods of twst gacha be kind to you 🥰
Idk if anyone has asked but thoughts or headcanons of neigevil? What about Rollo?
(We got this ask after this art)
Thank you so much for showing our stuff so much love, NeigeVil fans <3 It means a lot! And I, once again, am sorry that it took me a long time to reply. Like I’ve probably mentioned before, I want to draw these two again at some point. But today is not the day; instead, today is the day you get your headcanons, Anon!
Also if you haven’t seen these yet, here is the link to our post with Rollo-centric headcanons. We love this boy very much, and we’re super excited that he got himself a pretty-looking card.
Alrighty, so Neige/Vil…
Neige has a crush on Vil, and this crush has been with him ever since their first meeting. But he isn’t really sure about the nature of these feelings. He is very open about them with his dwarf friends though: sometimes he comes back from work happy and singing because he met Vil after his photoshoot and had a chat with him. So they all know that he is either in love or just really really really wants to be Vil’s friend. Neige isn’t sure which one it is either.
Neige remembers how cool and professional Vil looked when they first met, how he shook his hand and stuff. It wasn’t Vil’s first time on set, even though it was his first role, so he really made Neige feel comfortable by just being so confident and relaxed and excited. Neige really treasures this memory, but Vil doesn’t seem to remember much of it.
But what Vil does remember is that he thought they were going to become friends back then. Maybe it was because Neige asked him to be his friend, maybe it was because they had a lot of fun that day, but unfortunately it was one of many potential friendships that got ruined by the adults comparing these two to each other. It was pretty early on when Vil decided that he’d never be Neige’s friend. Neige is kind of oblivious to this whole thing though, he thinks that Vil is his friend, and the main reason he’s so distant is that he is just way too cool and professional and busy to hang out with him.
Vil has influenced Neige’s style a lot. He has no idea just how much time Neige spends looking at his magicam and taking notes and trying very hard to find clothes that would look as if Vil has picked them for him. If you talked to him about it, he would chuckle and say that he is too shy to ask Vil directly.
Which isn’t a complete truth though: he isn’t really shy around Vil. He gets so excited that he forgets about his shyness entirely and starts talking and clinging to Vil and trying to make him pay attention to him. He is completely enamored and he stares a lot at him in general. He really wishes they’d spend more time together…
A lot of times Vil just rolls eyes at Neige (always sneakily though, he knows better than to show a fellow actor his distaste for him), but he does admire his professionalism. And yes, there are moments when he thinks that Neige isn’t just overly cute and sweet, but actually quite a good-looking guy. Not entirely his type, but still handsome nonetheless…. Why is he thinking about it, again?
Vil is, like I mentioned, oblivious about Neige’s feelings. If anything, he believes that Neige is simply being a nice innocent boy and is friendly with everyone, so there isn’t anything special about the way he treats Vil. But jokes on you, Vil, because every single selfie with you that Neige takes instantly become Neige’s phone lock screen for weeks, until his management asks him to change it into something else.
Neige doesn’t have a lot of selfies with Vil though, because Vil always comes up with an excuse to avoid it. He is either in a hurry, or doesn’t feel good, or has a bad hair day, there’s always something that prevents Neige from taking a selfie with Vil. So it’s kind of a personal mission for Neige at this point lol Their fanbases also crave for this selfie… The day NeigeVil finally drop a picture of them together, the internet is going to explode.
A couple of spicy ones; if these two were to find themselves in any kind of intimate situation (even if it’s just a pretend thing for a role or something), Neige would comment about how much more experienced Vil is, and how he’ll work hard to be on his level. This comment sounds horrible to Vil in any context: the idea of Neige working hard to be a perfect lover to him is too cursed to consider. But it’ll still make him blush.
And jokes on Vil once again, because Neige is such a fast learner, that one moment he is a very sloppy kisser, and then suddenly he kisses and touches his body in all the right places because “he just felt like it’d make Vi-kun feel nice there”. Vil is going to both get overwhelmed by how good it feels, and be in agony because fuck you Neige stop being a prodigy at everything.
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pomegranateboba · 1 month
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Hey again, Pompom! Thanks for answering the angsty request. You were REALLY good at writing it! I suggest you to practice mode angst writing, but I won't push :)
If there is angst, then let's get back to some fluff (and maybe a bit of crack lol)! So what about the Guides with MC who plays basketball? There's a commotion outside Neb Aula and the LI saw a group of sorcerers watching MC and their opponent playing, which MC looked so cool and focused (maybe hot as well- I can see the sorcerers calling the basketball court something hilarious cuz they probably didn't know basketball exists). That's all for tonight! Thanks!
I suck at basketball haha, lets give this a shot
ArTw boys with a Summoner that plays basketball
Arcturus
Went to the crowd because he was curious
Okay 2 people are playing some ball game...Summoner??
He did not know you could do that with a ball
In awe
Also cheering for you in the crowd
Approaches you after you finished off and started complimenting how good you were
Wants to learn too
He tires, he's not used to such vigorous activity
He doesn't mind sitting in the crowd and cheering for you though
Happy orange man :)
Spica
Was about to break the crowd up until he saw who was the cause of the commotion
Actually stopped to watch you play
Is impressed by how swift you were, your opponent was struggling to get the ball
Afterwards he congratulated you for doing so well, but please don't attract more crowds everyone get back to class
He would rather sit on the sidelines and admire you
Alpheratz
All the noise woke him up and he was about to start exploding people when he saw you
How the hell do you have so much energy
Watches with interest as you dunk the ball
He actually got up and complimented your skill afterwards
You bugged him into learning from you
His height was a huge advantage over you, it was so annoying when he held the ball just above your reach
You had to tell him to actually pass the ball
He got tired and just sat down by his tree to watch you, he can't with vigorous activity
Pollux
Was the one who drew said crowd
Poll was shocketh
How is that possible? How do you move like that- wait weren't you at the other side of the playing area 0.00001 seconds ago? What?
His brain is lagging
His cheering was the one who drew everyone to watch you play against that one innocent person who was struggling to keep up with you
Wants to learn. If you don't agree to that, lock your doors at night
He tried.
He tried.
Give him a participation award for trying.
He kept falling over his feet, the bad luck is bad lucking for real
He doesn't understand why Mid Earthium sports have so many rules
Ah well. He's gonna keep trying anyways (don't let him try again or the school will blow up)
Vega
The only one who knows what basketball is
You used to play with him during your time in Mid Earthium as kids. You know, until you didn't.
This is once again another nostalgic memory
After everyone left, he came up to you and asked whether he could play with you again
It took him 5 minutes to get the courage to ask you, so it was 5 minutes of awkward silence
Could barely keep up with you, you certainly improved by a lot from the last time he played with you
Very proud of his best friend
Of course that only happened when no one was watching, in the evening maybe
He may or may not play with you again so TREASURE THE TIME YOU HAVE TOGETHER
Sirius
Lock this man in your closet and never let him out
Found out you play before anyone else did (except Vega who already knew)
Was lowkey impressed when he saw you play, but of course he didn't say that out loud
Cue teasing
You did your best to teach him (he made you) and surprisingly (is it really that surprising), he picked it up really quickly
Well done, his skills now rivals yours. I hope you're proud of yourself
Will request that you play with him on the occasion
Remember to add extra locks on the closet so that he doesn't escape
Bonk him so that he can't escape the closet
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What are your favorite things about the turtles that you like about them individually starting with Leonardo and then Donatello and then Michelangelo and then Raphael
My favorite things about the individual turtles (or things I associate with them)
Warnings: Somewhat emotional, talks of bullying by adults.
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All Turtles:
I feel like this is very important to mention first, as it speaks a lot about my love for the turtles in general. All of these reasons are very much personal, and have very little to do with the turtles personalities, and more memories I have with them and other people in my life.
I have been a TMNT fan ever since kindergarten. I was 2 years old when 2003 turtles first came on television, so when I started in kindergarten at 3, they were already pretty established not just for me, but all of the other kids in kindergarten, especially the boys. And that leads us to another important point - I was a tomboy when I was young, and to a certain degree I still am to this day. I hated pink, and would scream and yell if I was put into a dress. But I did enjoy “boy clothes”, and I did ask my mom to only buy me “boy clothes”, so she did. I also played with action figures or played “rough” with the Barbie dolls, and my closest friends were all boys, or girls that somewhat understood my way of playing.
Now, being a tomboy is nowhere special or anything abnormal, but in the kindergarten I was in, the adults not only saw it as abnormal and concerning. I was never bullied by the kids in my kindergarten, but I was by the adults. They sang songs that made me cry, and they tried to force me to play with toys a certain way. At times I even tried to run away from my kindergarten, going so far as to jump the fence and run home. It got so bad that my dad, who at the time worked at the city council, had to step in and threaten them with legal action, just to make them stop singing the song that continuously made me cry.
But throughout all of this, every high and low in kindergarten, I clung onto TMNT. It was how I could play with both boys and girls, and became my first hyper fication. It even led to a description of me that the other kids would use when describing me to the new kinds; “This is (...). She wears boy clothes, hates Barbie dolls and loves Ninja Turtles”.
TL;DR, TMNT became my comfort obsession during bullying from adults in kindergarten, and it has stuck ever since, coming back during my depressive episode in 2023.
Leonardo:
Leo has always been my favorite ninja turtle. My favorite color was and is still blue, and I like to think he had something to do with it. He was the turtle I would dress up as at Fastelavn, and I really looked up to his views on honor and responsibilities. Back then I was the oldest child in the family, and I took my role as big sister very seriously, often seeking to protect my little brother.
I will even go so far as to say that Leonardo was my first fictional crush. I still remember watching 2003 in the living room, and getting somewhat irritated that he wasn’t real. Even more irritated when people had to bring up that none of the turtles were real. Way to kill the vibe for a 3 - 5 year old, lol.
In kindergarten, I would hide the Leonardo figure, or just walk around with it in my pocket. I clung to it, and got really sad when someone wanted to take it, since they were playing with the other turtles. Not long ago my brother dug through our old toys, and found the Leo figure my parents got me when I was young. It is now sitting in a bowl next to a Barbie doll I won at drag bingo, lol.
To this day Leo is still my favorite. I resonate with him and his struggles quite a lot. Each version of him always struck something with me, providing me with some sense of comfort. Maybe it is because he wants to protect, and that made me feel protected? Or he seems very driven by rules and morality, in a way that I do too. If I don’t, I get really anxious, so it’s nice to see someone else do it.
Donatello:
My love for Donatello is relatively new. I’ve always loved him, but for the little version of me, he was often forgotten. He was the last figure I would react for, and was the last turtle who’s name I remembered, often referred to as “the purple one”. Generally, in the kindergarten I went to, it was the fewest who showed interest in Donatello, always fighting over the other turtles.
However, as an adult, I’ve come to admire Donatello much more. It took quite some time before I came to realize the importance of him, and I would like to say that Rise played a big part of that. Up until then, I remembered Donnie as being shown as the “least coolest” (which I know now is very much not true”.
With Rise Donnie being coded with autism, my brother suddenly had a turtle to mirror with. While I had Leonardo in my childhood, my brother now had Donatello in his teenage years, and to be honest, that means a lot to me. To me, Donnie has now become a character that symbolizes late but powerful blooming. My brother is first now finding himself, and he turned 20 a month ago, so when he tells me that Rise Donnie makes him feel represented, and showed him that someone like him could be loved, it really touched me.
MM Donnie is currently the turtle in the keychain I’ve attached to my backpack, and is the turtle that has made my brother interested in TMNT. I sat with my almost 2 year old niece, and she noticed the Donnie on my backpack. She started to play with it, and it very quickly became a great bonding experience. So to me, Donnie is closely tied with personal growth and bonding.
Michelangelo:
I’ve come to realize that I have much more in common with Michelangelo than I first thought I had. First of all, he is the orange turtle, and I’m a natural redhead, so we match. Second of all is ADHD. It wasn’t until I was 21 that I learned I have ADHD, and just before I learned how to tackle it, I was hit with the death of my grandma, and had to quit work due to stress which turned into a pretty bad depression.
Those that have read my Bayverse Children Series, know that I’ve called Mikey’s daughter Sunny and his son Luis, both names that I connect with ideas of the sun. Sunny because it sounds like the sun, and Luis because it makes me think of king Louis the XIV, aka, the sun king. That is because I see Mikey as a very happy guy. Obviously, he is not happy all the time, and when we do experience him being sad or mad, we know that something is very wrong. But he generally has a very upbeat personality that reminds me of the sun, or maybe even just sunlight.
If Leo is the comfort and a personality I can see myself in, and Donnie is personal growth and bonding, then I see Mikey as the light at the end of the tunnel. An friendly and sympathetic person that wants the best for you, and will help you on the road to recovery. That’s at least how I see him and his brothers, as imaginary friends that have wished me the best.
Doesn’t hurt that he is a cat person. Every moment or scene with Mikey talking to or helping a cat, very much reminded me of me and my own cat. Me and my cat was just as close as Mikey and all of his cats are. RIP Mini💔
Raphael:
Leo is my comfort and the turtle I mirror in, Donnie is growth and bonding, Mikey is a helping hand through the darkness, then Raph is personal drive and passion.
In kindergarten, Raphael was my second favorite turtle, but I do remember that he was many of my friends' favorit. During my internship at a different kindergarten, I learned that he was all of the kids' favorit. And honestly, I see why. To me, he is the stereotypical young kid that doesn’t know how to express his emotions in a healthy way, leaving them with a lot of strong emotions that only keeps building and building, until it reaches a boiling point. And I’m pretty sure that a lot of people can see themselves in that.
Like many people we meet in our life, Raph has a really hard exterior, but is truly a really emotional guy on the inside. I think many kids see themselves in his emotional outbursts, and understand the frustration and build up he can feel. But that doesn’t make him less of a good person.
At my internship, I learned that one of the kids from last year that is now in school (I never met him), was actually named Raphael. I’ve told this before, but he was a big TMNT fan and would carry plastic sais to kindergarten. I later learned from the adult working there, that he also had the personality of Raphael, and was in some ways just as “hot tempered”. He had a hard time communicating with the other kids, as his emotions would often get in the way, causing him to lash out due to his frustration. And yup, he did throw one of his fake sais ast one of the kids once. But like the turtle, it didn’t make him any less good. From what I’ve been told, he was very passionate about whatever he did, and was very good at involving other kids in whatever he was playing or doing. He has obviously had a big impact on said kindergarten, as even a year after he left, they are still talking about him. And honestly, I get it. If his anything like the turtle Raphael, he is obviously lovable, even if he could be a bit of a hard nail sometimes.
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tired-reader-writer · 4 months
Text
Arslan Senki Chapter 125
So I meant to do this last night but apparently I had accidentally hit the daily tumblr post limit, and was stuck unable to post or reblog anything up until now! I AM FREE, MUAHAHAHAHA.
I will be cannibalizing the discussion @innerchorus and I had in our DMs since all of that was what I meant to put in the post all along, though I'm running a bit low on energy so I won't be weaving screencaps into the post.
One of the first things that stuck out to me was how humble the residence of Arslan's birth parents was, when I read spoilers and it said “knight”, I had assumed something... a little larger than that. Nothing grand, not a mansion or anything, they weren't prominent knights, but... not this. I wonder what the social standing of “knights” in general are? Zaravant also described himself as a knight, iirc. Though it's likely that knight in this case was used to refer to a warrior in general than a specific caste/rank? Maybe cavalry officers of any rank were deemed knights?
I apologize for jumping backwards but oh, oh man I want to hug Arslan so bad. His face! The way Arakawa took the time and panel space to really show how he tried to hold his reaction back. He's trying to be composed and he succeeds. Even something of this caliber (even if he did suspect it all along) didn't make him lash out. He has incredible self-control, or maybe he's just too used to setting his own feelings and reaction aside. I don't think he's repressing it here though, rather he's facing it head-on.
(I wonder how Andragoras even managed to find Arslan, and that swiftly, too.)
Turns out the marzban thing was a translation error, which is good because I was raising my eyebrow skeptically at that panel when I first read it.
Man something about the memory and deaths of a family who were basically exploited just vanish away, paved over and buried. There's just something so relevant to my interests and the themes of Wolfpack about this all. The clan is all about remembering and protecting those the world would've deliberately chosen to forget, after all.
Also, Arslan's father wasn't prepared to raise his own child? Boo. Wolfpack!Shapur was twice the single father by age 22, LOL. (I jest, it would've been harder for him than it would've Shapur, considering the financial situation and the fact that he doesn't have people he can leave the baby to when out at battle or something. It's natural for him to be worried. I'm sure he saw this as the best path possible, and hey, his son will be a prince! Surely a better life than he could ever lead as the son of an insignificant knight.
Arslan considering the notion of Andragoras possibly planning to sire another male heir... I don't have any intelligent commentary to give on the matter but I found it interesting. Perhaps another king in Andragoras' shoes might've done it. Gotarzes certainly did.
Tahamenay sure did go through a lot, and the dehumanizing lenses everybody saw her through meant that she was villified and demonized for just trying to survive (or just existing, period! the things that happened to the shitty men in her life was NOT her fault) She's not my fave, no, but I do feel for her. Like, her homeland got annexed! As someone from a country that got occupied by both Britain AND Japan and suffered under them, that really resonates with me. And while Pars fights for its freedom (and it should, I'm not arguing otherwise), Badakhshan???? Still under occupation for more than sixteen years, if I'm correct. There's just something heartbreaking about it.
Arslan confirming that his wet nurse and her husband being purposefully murdered to tidy up loose ends! And he's rightfully angry at the answer— we don't see his face in full, his eyes are shadowed when he asks the question, he clenches his hands when he hears the answer, and grits his teeth too. I may be reading too much into this but the agony on Tahamenay's face being replaced by cold distance when she said “They were. To avoid any complications later.”, the almost clinical way she delivered it, it's such a stark contrast from her emotion mere moments before. Maybe, just maybe, the delivery of the truth on top of the truth itself was what set Arslan off (though of course, he still does not act on it). Maybe there's something to be said about the disregard of “insignificant” lives.
I think Tahamenay has shut her feelings down, and her daughter is the only thing she'll let herself feel anything over. The sheer trauma and the constant bombardment of such vitriol from all angles meant that completely shutting down all emotion was... probably the only way to cope. Conceal it, don't feel it.
The thing is, though, even if he were to “Arslan: exit stage left” out of this conflict, where would he go? I'm sure he'd have little problem finding happiness in a humble life, he's never been one to care about stuff like birthrights and status, but where would he go???? The people he loved before his life as a prince are gone. Wet nurse and husband, dead. Everyone else? The kids he played with? Probably don't even remember him anymore due to the distance (I assume they didn't know he was the prince). Would he even be able to recognize them anymore? And would Team Arslan follow him into exile? There is technically an out, yes, but it's not a meaningful one. Just like how Hilmes is trapped in his own identity, Arslan also is, though Hilmes chose to build his own cage and Arslan was unknowingly put into it. And there's something to be said about how both their claims/identities were laundered. Hilmes is not the son and heir of Osroes. Arslan does not possess royal blood.
@innerchorus pointed out that Tahamenay was offering Arslan what she would have chosen herself (and this lines up with novel canon where she retreats to her homeland and distances herself from court), and it makes sense, this was a game she never asked to play. Still, it's just really sad that Arslan can never truly go back to who he was before all this.
I also loved the way his dialogue was paired with the internal monologue in black panels, even if I can't quite put my finger on why. That part was brilliantly done. (Maybe the way the “camera” comes closer and closer to his face as he proceeds?)
And the way that Tahamenay was prepared to receive angry words and even physical violence as a matter of course, it either speaks to her own guilt about the situation, OR the way she was treated so shittily by all the men and people in her life. Or maybe it is both. A brilliant moment of characterization, where she is shaped by her experiences and is in turn, blinded by them. Arslan is not that kind of person. He bows to her, and then leaves.
I have nothing to say about Kishward's worried face, but Arslan declaring his will is such a powerful moment. I'm reminded of a very early Narsus moment that's very relevant, I went and dug this out from my reread tag:
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Here's what I had to say about it back then:
“What Narsus basically means here is: State a concrete vision, a cause, a goal, and people will naturally gather round to support it— to garner allies, you must basically broadcast what it is that you wish to achieve.”
And Arslan here is doing just that. Fantastic.
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I know I said no screencaps in this post but I couldn't help it! It's such a powerful moment.
Arslan has really grown into his role and he's embodying the counsel Narsus gave him all those chapters ago!
And Hilmes, I see, is having a not-so-spectacular time.
The way Osroes spoke of Hilmes makes my skin crawl. He doesn't even deign to refer to the boy as “he”, and “send the thing to meet its true father” is just. YIKES. It's not the child's fault he was born into shitty circumstances, Osroes! How could he have raised Hilmes all those years (eleven!) with no outward sign of contempt, and just. Never develop any sort of attachment to him? No hesitation? Maybe it's the fever that's making it worse but I don't believe it was all delirium which just makes it worse. I hate Osroes.
Andragoras really did it as revenge, which seals the deal that he is, in fact, speaking the truth. It's just like him, and loathe as Hilmes is to admit it, he does realize that. This boy too deserves hugs. SOMEBODY COME HUG YOUR PRINCE.
And even still, even as his world is crumbling around him with no preamble, he still has enough headspace to process and start piecing the pieces together. Hilmes has POTENTIAL, he's a good commander and this right here shows his intelligence and relative ability to keep it straight in stressful conditions (relative, because of his whole consumed by revenge thing). If only he wasn't led astray perhaps, he could've made a good Shah. He unfortunately harbors some very typical biases about social class or whatever, but perhaps it could've been given a chance to change. But as things are now, his chance of being a Shah at all is...
Another Arslan-Hilmes parallel: they're both refusing to back down even as their lack of claim is revealed, and though the refusal stems from very different emotional roots there's a commonality in that they keep at it because if they stop now then what did all those people fight for? Though, Arslan's motive is selfless (he's doing it because it's his duty to the people who gave so much for him) while Hilmes' is selfish (it's tied to his sense of self-worth).
And Hilmes putting things together (so close, so close!) signifying his refusal to give up, that's what spurs Andragoras into action.
Man, what a fucking chapter, amirite?
Now with all that out of the way—
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ITTY BITTY BABY BABY BABYYYYY HE'S BARELY LARGER THAN A COIN POUCH (and if we remove the swaddling cloth he might actually be smaller oh godddd) like I would've made infant Areyan tiny anyways but ohhhh god I'm about to cry. He's so huggable. I WILL SOB.
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harcove · 2 years
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Hii, can I request an angst filled fic with billy please? I’m thinking he doesn’t die when him and eleven are fighting the mind flayer and y/n is part of the gang and helps fight the mind flayer. But when everything is getting back to normal Billy is having a lot of nightmares and calls you for comfort even tho he’s so hard headed he doesn’t actually admit the reason but you know..
Billy then realises you knew all along he was suffering and he’s shocked with the amount of love you’ve shown him and he wants to be with you but as he goes to admit his feelings to you he comes across you and Steve Harrington out on a date and it kills him..
That night he makes a plan to make you his and when you come home billy is tapping your window asking to sneak in.. I’ll leave it up to you how you end the fic but just a silly idea I had lol and I’d love to see how you write this :)
a/n: This took longer than I meant for it to because I ended up writing way more than I initially meant to so, here you go! (This was so fun tysm bbys) also I wrote with fem reader cause it's what I do by default eee....
Pairing: Billy Hargrove x Reader (female pronouns)
Length: 6.4k (yeesh)
Warnings: Billy is struggling, mental illness, thoughts of death/dying, Billy curses ofc. OOC Billy a little ooc maybe, mentions of abusive parents
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My Girl - B.H.
Sleep was meant to be the escape from reality. It was the escape from all the bad things around you, all the bad thoughts and memories that demanded to be heard and seen. A moment in time where there was nothing, your brain was empty, or it felt that way, and you were free.
But people like Billy Hargrove weren't so lucky.
Whenever you sleep, people say you always dream, it's just a matter of whether or not you remember the dream when you wake up. Most of the time, dreams are forgotten the moment you open your eyes.
But people like Billy Hargrove remembered them when he opened his eyes.
Half the time, they were the reason his eyes had opened. They were less dreams, more memories, of that thing. The Mind Flayer. But they always ended differently than how it had really ended.
His corpse, on the ground in the mall, you leaning over him. Begging. Max, crying.
Or maybe it becomes your corpse instead of his. Or Max. Those ones are the worst. The ones where you or she die protecting him, or in his place. Because if anyone had to die that night, it had to be him. It should be him. 
Sometimes, in the darkest parts of his brain, the deepest corners he tried to ignore, he truly thought it might have been better if he died. Not just for everyone around him but maybe for himself.
It was hard. Some days were agony, while others weren't. Some days things felt so slow, and unreal, especially the first few weeks after the incident. He had grown a special distaste for hospitals for all the time he had spent in one.
Phantom pains would wrack his body some days, and nights. Some days it hurt so bad, especially his chest where the gnarly scarring lay, that he couldn't do much of anything. Days where his only reprieve lay in a bed that would let him fall asleep for minutes before it woke him up again with harsh reminders of everything. Tonight was one of those nights.
A  night where he woke up covered in a cold sweat, quite literally soaked through the clothes he wore to bed into the sheets; pale and rattled as he sits upheaving- it mixes with the sharpest pain in his chest that he has come to expect but it doesn't matter how much he expects it, it still knocks the wind out of him. 
For a brief moment, he feels like he's going to throw up what he had for dinner that night. But he doesn't. Instead, his eyes close as he tries to breathe properly again; the erraticness of his heartbeat and his uneven breathing only make his body ache. Phantom pains. Like he's there again like he's watching through his own eyes as he takes someone else to be a puppet to it- screaming inside because he may be an asshole but he does not want to do this. The only thing his body can do on his own accord in those moments is cry; it must've been a sight to see. A newly 18-year-old boy, with tears in his eyes as he does horrific things for something else. 
Usually, it works. Usually, closing his eyes and just trying to breathe works; kind of. Billy can eventually find his bearings again and lay back down- maybe not to fall asleep again immediately, but just to lay there. Granted, he's not good at coping. He never was good at coping, and any mechanism he ever had has been dangerous or stupid. 
Yet tonight it won't work. When his eyes open again, it's still like he's in that moment. It's still like those tendrils are digging into his sides, into his chest, and like he's hearing himself scream as whatever that thing is tries to take one more soul before it too fades away. If he looks down at his chest, he is almost sure that he'll see the gaping wound again. 
He needs to talk to you. That's all he knows in those moments as he peels himself from his sweat soaked bed; he has to change the sheets and take a shower. Who knew a person could sweat that much? 
Billy had never been so glad before that he had a phone in his room; sometimes he wondered how the fuck he got away with that with his father. Before everything happened, it was something only Billy used in the house, everyone else used the phone in the living room, but nowadays, when Max really wanted to quickly call someone, she would use it too. Anything really to avoid Neil, and Susan at times too; Max said once that complacency could be just as bad as actually committing the act. That still stuck in his mind. 
Sitting on the edge of his bed beside his bedside table, the mint-colored phone in his hands, his body cries but he doesn't listen to it. Had he realized the time, Billy may've had second thoughts, not that he cared really what time it was, but you were most likely asleep and anyone in this house could've answered.
After two rings, Billy sighed preparing to just put the phone back on the base and do something. Anything, to calm down. Maybe go out for a drive- but you'd kill him for that one, it was dangerous when he felt like this especially considering when he felt fine he still drove like a mad man. The cold shower sounds nice but at the same time it doesn't; it scares him because he liked it cold. He loved it cold. And Billy never wants to feel that cold again. 
"Hello?" you sound tired, you swallow, throat dry. 
Billy doesn't say anything at first. What was he doing? It was the middle of the night, and he needed something to ground him again, to remind him he was here. He needed you; somehow it always came back to you, the comfort he needed. 
You had just been some girl that watched those stupid bratty kids, one of them being his sister. Someone who had been friendly with them since before Max and himself came to Hawkins. Someone, who in school, offered to show him around if he wanted. Someone that spoke to him as a person first rather than a nuisance or a piece of meat to snatch up. You became so heavily intertwined with him via school, his sister, her friends, and the Upside Down. He wouldn't admit it genuinely, but he was a bit disappointed that you got a job at JC Penny in Starcourt over the other position for lifeguard you had mentioned you might go for to him. 
He fucking hated Hawkins when he arrived the previous year. But maybe it wasn't as bad as he thought if you were in it.
"Hello...?" your voice alone made his muscles loosen, if only by a fraction. But now there was a new pressure in his chest, a tightness in his limbs not related to the dreams and memories or the aches and pains- it was related to you and he's not used to it. 
Billy hears you breathe out, preparing to hang the phone up, and he reminds himself; he is Billy fucking Hargrove, not a sissy baby who can't talk to girls. Right?
But you were different. 
"It's Billy."
He feels silly in that moment and his own name on his lips for some reason doesn't even sound like his name to himself. He was used to being so in the moment with his decisions; live now because it doesn't matter what you do, he won't ever like it- and rarely did he ever regret those decisions truly, but every other emotion in his body was working overtime. 
"Oh," your voice seems to perk up but takes on an edge; worry? He can't tell. He still isn't used to the emotion of worry being directed toward him, "What's wrong, is something the matter?"
It's then the words get stuck in his throat. All of the "yes, I can't forget tonight"s and the "I think maybe I should have died that day"s are lodged in the back of his throat. Billy Hargrove is stubborn; there's no chance in hell he is going to tell you the truth. No way he is going to let others really know. Though, he is pretty sure Max kind of knows- she was a lot more observant than he realized till now. 
Sometimes, Billy Hargrove is akin to a caged animal.
He is so used to people not caring. He is used to being hit for the small things and the big things; like the time he got a D on his history essay, or the time Max went missing. That is what he is used to. Telling the truth about how he feels is not in his vocabulary, and he isn't sure how to respond when someone opens the cage that he has been confined to for so long; scared that if he steps out, it is the wrong choice, and that choice means punishment. He doesn't trust, but he wants to. He doesn't want to seem weak, but sometimes, he truly is. 
"No," he scoffs into the phone as if he wasn't the one who called so late, but you were, "It's nothing, I just..."
Just what? He can't find an excuse. He can't understand himself.
You're wide awake on your end now. If he could see you, he would've seen the way your face softened, eyes half-closing as your brows dipped in sad understanding. He doesn't need to speak for you to know. He is good at hiding, that you figured out, but not good enough because you can hear it in his voice, the way he speaks as he might just start either screaming or crying at the drop of a pen. The way his voice softens immediately after he says no, down to a low whisper, like he is trying to just disappear. The rattle in his breathing that he doesn't even realize himself like he still can't catch his breath properly.  
He is hurting. He is scared. You know he is. Nightmares aren't uncommon to you, but you're sure the ones he gets must be even worse than the ones you do, and they must be almost constant. If you were there, you would've wrapped his larger frame into your smaller one and tried to comfort him, but you were miles away in your room. 
"It's okay," you finally respond after he loses his voice, his brows furrow, "I mean... It isn't okay, how could it be, after everything?"
Billy doesn't respond, only holds the receiver tighter in his hand, almost thinking it might break. 
"I just mean that it's okay to talk about it," you continue after his silence, "you don't need to talk about it at all if you don't want to Billy. But I want to listen if you ever do, and I think Max would too."
You hear a small snort. Billy isn't so sure Max would want to listen. Maybe she would, their relationship had been doing leaps and bounds better than before. Billy never hated his step-sister; in his own twisted ways he loved her, but he hated that it was her mother's marriage to his father that took him away from California- one of the last things in his life Billy could say he truly loved at the time. He's horrible with his words still when it comes to talking to Max or most anyone about anything that troubles him, or saying sorry (which he has- it's just been very awkward and he just can't seem to get it right, not the way he wants to) and he just wishes he could explain why. Why he is how he is, or how he was- still kind of is- someone like him isn't so easy to break and mold, especially with his father still in his life. But he wants to try. He is trying. 
"She would," you insist, "I know it's tough between you two still sometimes, and you're both trying to navigate the relationship you both want, but she cares. Like you do. It's just hard for both of you."
Billy thinks about what you're saying in silence again. His actions define him, and they continue to do so every day. Saving the kids and you, and Steve, Nancy- the whole gaggle of people- that night has defined him as well, but it is muddied behind his other actions, ones he had taken out of anger or fear. The time he almost ran over Max's friends comes to mind; he wasn't ever going to do it, but that is their first memory of him. How he treated Max as a whole; the only times he was (almost) not under his father's foot. Or the time he threatened Lucas Sinclair; as much as he didn't want to admit it, it was as much for Max as it was for himself- or so he believed it was. 
He saw her upset- and as her older step-brother (albeit an unwilling one) he didn't like that. But even more than that, his mind immediately went to his father. Neil Hargrove wasn't a good man, never had been, never would be. Good at acting like a nice guy; it was how he scored Susan, and he assumed his mother too initially. If someone hurt Max, if Max was upset by someone at school, and Neil saw, or Susan, who would inevitably tell Neil, it would be his fault. 
Max fell into his lap, his father would reign hell on him for anything bad in any way that happened to Max because of the fact she was Susan's daughter. He didn't hit Max, but he'd hit Billy because of Max, maybe even in place of her at times, he didn't know. He was glad he never actually touched her, however. Not to mention his father was racist. Lucas Sinclair being near Max, and his father finding out? It would somehow come back down to Billy. And maybe even Max wouldn't be spared from his anger.
There was a bitter part of him towards his sister sometimes too in that aspect even if it wasn't her fault that his father chose to use Max as more cannon fodder to hurt him. But she never really took that into account when she did things like running out the window, leaving him to pick up the pieces. He always picked up those pieces. 
The conversation between the two of you was one-sided at this point, not that you minded, nor did he because he still didn't know what he was supposed to be saying.
"I know things are hard right now. I know it has to be hurting a lot still, and I can't even tell you when or if that hurt will ever stop. Maybe it won't, maybe it will just dull with time but always be there, or maybe one day it will just be a distant memory. I don't know. But you do have people who care, Billy, I care. Try to sleep, if you can. I'll be just a phone call away anyways if you need someone to talk to. Or to talk your ear off; I hear I'm pretty good at that." 
That elicits a single hoarse chuckle from his chapped lips. He told you that once. He licks them as he takes in a breath. 
"Yeah... G'night." 
"Goodnight Billy." 
Even after he hears the click of you hanging up, he still holds the phone to his ear. He notes that his breathing has evened out considerably and that his muscles are looser than before. His chest still aches slightly with the phantom pain, but it doesn't feel like he is there with that thing in his body again anymore. He's actually sort of cold from the way the cold sweat he had woken up in soaks his sleep clothes; he knows he's taking a hot shower before he lays back down. 
It's in those moments, between him finally letting the phone sit back down onto the receiver, and getting ready to move to the bathroom to shower, that he realizes. He realizes you knew all along; well, clearly you did, because you knew what to say exactly when he didn't even say it himself. You noticed he was suffering, and likely always had. When it came to you, Billy Hargrove was naked even when he was fully dressed- you saw through him. 
And he didn't hate it like he thought he would. 
You were something special. Someone who had made him feel... Loved. 
He was almost sure that if you hadn't been there if you hadn't cared for him as you had even when he was a complete and utter piece of crap, then he would actually have died in that mall. He just needed someone to try for him, and always believe in him even when that monster was using his body as its little puppet, and that was you. 
Billy Hargrove couldn't imagine a future that didn't have you in it. And he had to do something about that. 
_____
It had been a week since Billy had called you in the middle of the night. He'd seen you a few times since, mainly when he was dropping Max off to the Arcade which you happened to work out; the kids were once again subject to the arcade in town and the little shops around there now that Starcourt had been 'destroyed by a fire.' 
But those were only small moments, moments where you had a minute to say hello and ask what he was doing that day, and then you were off again and so was he. But he knew what he wanted, and what he wanted was you. All he needed to do was admit it to you. So, on a day he knew you wouldn't be working, he took his beloved Camaro and started the drive to your home.
Billy didn't worry about if your parents answered the door or not, because he was good at charming people. He was good at making good impressions when he wanted to, it was how he got Mrs. Wheeler to bend like putty. But he wouldn't be flirting with your mom. 
The way to your home took him through part of town, the part that had the silly little movie theatre that paled in comparison to the one Starcourt had, or even any of the ones he had been to in California. But that was the price you pay for a small town, an interdimensional being, and the Russians in the only big mall Hawkins had had. 
Maybe if things went well, he'd take you to that small theatre and-
The stop light turned red, forcing Billy to stop his Camaro right beside the theatre. It wasn't a problem, or it wouldn't have been, if he didn't see Steve Harrington walk out of the stupid little theatre with you by his side, smiling and talking animatedly. 
You weren't his. So he had no right to feel how he did in that moment. To feel the blood pumping in his veins, in his ears, to feel it boil like hot water on the stove. To feel the sudden nausea he'd feel when he woke up from a dream that was far, far too real. To feel jealous. The burning jealousy in the pit of his stomach gnarled together with the other feelings he felt, and the moment the red light turned green, he hit the gas not caring how over the speed limit he was going. He did that anyways, he liked to drive fast, but now it was for a whole other reason.
Tanned fingers held the steering wheel with newfound emotion; it hurt. He hated the hurt. He didn't want to go home, he didn't want to anywhere. So instead, he just drove off towards Lovers Lake and sat in his Camaro.
At first, he had his music blaring on the radio. Max always said that he would go deaf someday because of how loud he played his music. She also said that he was probably already going deaf whenever he didn't listen to her. It always earned Max a half glare and a look of annoyance and the title of shitbird.
But what people didn't really understand was that sometimes, when he played the music loud enough (especially in recent months) it would deafen out the rest of the world and even his own thoughts. It was in those moments, listening to his favourite songs on painfully loud volumes that he wasn't anyone, he was just a guy listening to music.
Not that he'd ever tell anyone that. It sounded deeper than it really needed to be, and he'd rather leave it at just being the bad boy who liked his music way too loud for his own good.
Eventually, the music would run its course. For hours, he listened to the same tapes of music he enjoyed. But now it was just loud and did nothing. Now, it was just loud background noise to the hurt and anger in his chest. In his head.
He really needed to learn how to cope better.
Billy had never been on good terms with Steve Harrington, and he was fairly certain if it had been anyone else with you, he wouldn't have been as upset as he was. He'd still be upset, sure, but something about Steve Harrington scratched at the sorest parts of his brain and triggered an annoyance unbridled.
At first, he wasn't even sure what it was about Steve that got on his nerves. But it was over time, and more recently (everything, he realized seemed to happen so much more recently) that he started to figure it out. It wasn't that he was a popular kid before and now he was quote en quote, nothing. It was jealousy.
Billy realized he felt jealous quite a bit it seemed.
Jealousy for the fact that even if he wasn't King of Hawkins anymore and that the title had been snatched by Billy, he seemed happy still. Jealousy over the fact that he had gotten away from people like Tommy and Carol. Sheep, followers, who never really cared about you as a person but only your popularity and what it had to offer.
Jealousy because he was angry. Angry in general, at the world, and the people in it, and Steve Harrington became the easier target for Billy's overflowing negative emotions that he couldn't find a place to put.
After Starcourt, after everything, the feelings simmered. But they still remained, it was hard for Billy to change his feelings. Especially seeing how people liked Steve and were friends with him for that. Not to mention, that night with Max disappearing, and then Steve lying about it and insinuating he was dumb even though he could see Max in the window? It still bugged him.
But seeing him with you had sparked the fire in his belly again. It was as if every feeling he had tried to quash towards the man had come back tenfold.
Steve Harrington was going to get you. He was going to have someone that Billy actually wanted. Someone that he didn't just look at with lust- one of the first people to ever show him care, and Steve was going to snatch that.
Progress be damned, being nice and not letting his anger or jealousy override him be damned as well- he had to tell you. He wanted you to be his. And if it didn't work out, well, he'd cross that road when he got there he supposed.
That's what he usually did.
___
The music in your room was on a low volume, not wanting to wake your family members in the other rooms. It was late, and you were finally winding down for the night.
It had been a long day, one that left your feet aching a bit, but it was a good pain. One that told you that you'd accomplished a lot during the day.
You fully intended to relax on your bed for a bit, reading a book and listening to the music on your small stereo, dressed in your comfortable pajamas. Maybe you'd grab a snack too, and-
The sound of something tapping on your window made you freeze. Immediate thoughts were full of sudden fear, almost like your body was preparing itself for the flight or fight response. It had become something your body did without much thought, solely because of the past events that haunted Hawkins that very select people knew about. It had been quiet for a few months now since Starcourt, but you had learned to never really truly trust Hawkins to be completely normal. 
Internally you knew that you were overreacting in the moment, so you reminded yourself it was fine; probably wind, or maybe a tree branch near your room hitting the windows. But it didn't hurt to check the window. You were glad to have done so because what you weren't expecting to see was Billy Hargrove at your window, looking at you with an unimpressed look in his eyes- waiting for you to open the window.
Which you did, quickly at that.
"What are you doing?!"  with the window open, Billy hauled himself up and into your room as you moved to the side, holding your arms out to help him in case he needed it; you doubted he did, you doubted he would want you to help him too much either. 
"You have a tall ass window," Billy groaned as he lifted himself into your room, booted feet meeting the wooden floor with a soft thud. 
"Cause it isn't meant to be climbed into!" 
Not wanting to wake anyone in your home, you hissed when you spoke, closing the window softly behind him. With him in your room, your immediate thought was to check him over, to check if he was hurt in some way, shape, or form that was visible to the naked eye. 
People knew. People knew now what went on with him at home, and it wasn't Max who told them, it was technically Eleven, when she looked into his memories, his mind. You had suspicions before; he was someone you cared about, your friend, and his father had never been someone Billy mentioned fondly. He wasn't even someone Billy would mention unless he had to. 
Bruises that hadn't been there before, or tired eyes that were past tired and held an emptiness that was much more telling than maybe he realized. Those were signs, those were things you looked for and always had whether he noticed or not. 
"Are you checking me out?" he suddenly asked, as your eyes finished a final sweep of his body. The smirk on his lips made your face heat up, and well, it did kind of look that way, didn't it? 
"What? No- I was just, well..." you couldn't exactly say it because you didn't know how he would feel about the fact you were looking at him, inspecting him, for any sign of his fathers abuse. It was a sore subject, it wasn't something he liked multiple people knowing. 
He rolled his eyes. He either knew, or your hesitance annoyed him. Sometimes it was hard to tell with Billy. 
"I don't blame you," he chose to continue the line of conversation, moving to examine your room. He'd been there before, in high school, when you both hadan asignment together. But he never really took it in; it was simple but suited you. 
"You're insufferable sometimes, you know that?" 
Billy still has the smirk on his face but doesn't respond. It's odd. For the time you have known him, Billy Hargrove has never been the type of man to stay quiet in these situations, never the guy to back down first in a game of sarcasm and witts- and never ever to back down from flirting with anyone he initiates it with. 
You're worried. And Billy sees it in your eyes; it's another reminder to him for why he is here. 
"Is something wrong?" you speak softly now, moving to turn the stereo volume down completely. It's still a bit jarring that he's in your room nearing the middle of the night, but you had let him in, and you had no reason to turn him away. Not with everything.
"Why would something be wrong?" he was bluffing- you weren't stupid. 
"It's almost the middle of the night," you point out, leaning forward on your bed to peer into his face, "and you came to my window." 
"Nothings wrong, jesus." 
Silence again. 
"Saw you while I was out today."
The way he spoke was suddenly a bit more serious, a bit cooler, a bit more fenced off.
"Oh? Why didn't you come over and say hey?"
"You were with Harrington."
Oh.
The way Billy said Steve's last name was like he was talking about a bug he had seen or like he had seen something that made him sick.
"I was headed to find you, and you were with that shithead."
You shot him a look, he sort of made it sound like whatever was wrong was your fault or your being with Steve when he went to find you was an offense towards him. He also didn't need to call Steve names, but that likely wasn't going to change, even with the two of them on more neutral terms.
"Is that the problem?" You probed, mild annoyance on your face, "that you wanted to see me but I was with Steve? You couldn't just... Talk to us both, but Steve was there?"
"Seriously?"
Billy knew he was struggling in that moment with what he came here for. He was still angry, upset. He still struggled with his words and he was surprised it hadn't been the death of him at this point.
"Well, yea? What's your issue with Steve still, Billy it doesn't-"
"That isn't the problem, Jesus christ! It isn't just that I wanted to go talk to you and you were out with him. The problem is that you go around and make me feel these stupid fucking feelings I don't know what to do with, and I see you on a fucking date with a guy like Harrington!"
Oh. Oh. 
There was something deeper about this, you knew from the start, but that wasn't the deep you thought it would be. Having Billy be at Steve's neck was something you expected. It was something you had grown accustomed to after everything, especially Starcourt. They could play nice with one another- well, as nice as they could. It was mainly Billy. 
"That-" you pause, frozen sort of, if what he was insinuating was true, the he... "A date, with Steve?"
"The theatre." 
He said it like you didn't know the word, and like he was losing patience. With you, or himself, you couldn't quite tell. Maybe both. You don't want to get angry with him because you know that will only escalate things further and if you antogonize him now, you may never get a proper answer or response out of him- and your family might just come barging in because of all the noise. 
"You don't have to say it," he suddenly throws his head back, looking at your ceiling before bringing his head back down, his blue eyes looking directly in yours, and he looks tired, "It's his stupid fucking hair isn't it? Or whatever the fuck there is about him, I don't know. I came here with a purpose, to tell you, to make you mine. My girl. But-"
He lets out a breathe, an angry one, a frustrated one, one that could blow down a not too sturdy house if given the chance.  
"What the fuck am I doing," he said it to himself mostly, but how could you not hear him, he was right there. 
"Billy..." you want to reach out for him, to help, to make things better, but he's already pulling himself away.
He's good at that, pulling himself away. 
"I gotta go, before my dad decides he wants to check if I'm in my room," he bitterly says, "crazy how he wants to seem like a parent sometimes; piece of shit." It had become quite apparent after Starcourt and Billy's almost death that his father was trying harder to put up appearances; he was still the same man, same abusive piece of shit, but now more people were aware. And that meant something.
Given everything, it was a shot in the dark for you to reach out and grab his wrist. Given his emotions, and the issues with his father, it really could have went one of two ways; he could've reacted badly like a caged animal, or he could've let it happen. 
Thankfully it was the latter. 
"No, don't," you spoke softly, a hint of pleading in your voice. His wrist is bigger than you realized as your fingers wrap around it; he has a watch on you note and his skin is warm, "Stay. We can talk about this, we should talk about it."
It stops him, you're surprised it does, but he looks at you, incredulous. To him, in that moment, there is nothing to talk about; he has likely made a fool of himself, his emotions always getting the better when he really needs them to stay down. His intention to make you his was gone the moment he came, because when he looks at you and thinks about it, about everything that has happened, he finds himself thinking- god forbid Steve Harrington finds out about this- that maybe he's the better choice.
Not because Steve Harrington is more attractive than him, or that Billy thinks he can't pull someone like you; he's always been fairly confident in himself on the outside. But things are different now. And there's something in him deeper that's more broken than it was before in some ways, he didn't think that was possible. Someone like you? You would only give him kindess, one that he's sure he'd somehow fuck up. He will ruin you like his dad ruined his mom. How can he be anything right now when his thoughts are plagued with a interdimensional being that should have killed him. 
He should be dead. 
"Y'see," he starts, already preparing to rip himself away, "I don't think there is. This was a shit idea." 
"I wasn't on a date with Steve!"
It's the only thing you can think to say in that moment to stop him from leaving, because you don't want him to leave. You don't want him to go back to his father right now, or sit in his car somewhere in the dark, alone with thoughts that he so desperately wants to hide but overtime it begins to crack because one can't stay hidden forever. Especially not with the trauma he was holding onto. 
It works, because he isn't moving anymore. Rigid like a board.
"I wasn't on a date with Steve," you repreat in a more calm and even voice now, dragging on his wrist to pull him away from a window, scared that he might just jump out of it anyway if you're not careful, "Steve, he... Sure, he asked me out before, I said no. That was forever ago, and I think he just wanted something to distract himself from Nancy, to feel like he moved on. But he's my friend still, and we were just going to see a movie. That's all that was. I don't like Steve that way."
The unspoken 'but I like you that way' is in the air but you haven't said it. For everything that happened between you and Billy, you're scared. You cared for him, more than some people thought you should. But you had never been one to let people's first interactions define them for the rest of their lives; it was a good thing you felt that way because if you hadn't then you could've very easily been like everyone else who saw him as Billy Hargrove: Asshole, King of the Keg and Hawkins, seriel flirter who was just bad. 
It's sudden, but his large hands are suddenly cupping the back of your neck and head. He's gentle, but there's a forcefullness within his touch that makes a tingle run down your spine. Forced to look into his eyes deeply, you see so much. Eyes that he liked to keep empty are full of emotion in front of you. 
"All I'm hearing," his voice is low, husky, something only you would be able to hear if there was anyone else in the room with you, "is that I have a chance." 
It's so like him. So like him to make it a little less serious than it is. It's definitely a mechanism to dodge the conversations that might just make him uncomfortable, the ones he isn't used to or maybe hasn't even had. And that's okay right now, you'll let him have that for now. 
"And that you jumped the gun," you offer back slyly, "it's kind of cute. You'll have to work on it though... And work on having some heart to hearts." 
It's a subtle confirmation that you want him. You want him too, like how he wants you. And if he was anyone but himself, it might've made him cry. But instead, it just makes his smirk grow; no, not a smirk, it's a smile. He's so beautiful when he smiles. You wonder if anyone has ever told him he's beautiful; you add it to your list of things to tell him at some point. He's beautiful. 
"Cute? You're killing me babe," he whines like he's a child, but you can see how giddy he secretly is inside and it only reaffirms what you said to yourself, "...I'll work on it."
"You deserve to be happy. And we can work on it, together."
Again. Its like you've read through him. Like you saw his thoughts and feelings on thinking maybe he should've died. Or feeling like he can't have this because he will just ruin it. There are no words he can scrounge up as his heart beats heavy in his chest. He can only put his forehead against yours.
It's silent for a few beats as he keeps his hands on the back of your neck, his head tilted down towards yours. It's odd to see him act that way, but it's not a bad odd. It's good. You want to see it more. 
"So... My girl?"
He sounds so cocky, it makes you roll your eyes.
"Your girl." 
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