#this post is mine now! OP sucked! | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

sleepershell · 5 months

Text

Azgeda Charm

synopsis The sister of Ontari from Azgeda decides it could be fun to free the sky boy pretending to be her sister’s fleimkepa.

word count 2668

note originally posted on Ao3

warnings 18+ minors please DNI, smut, swearing, penetrative sex, oral sex female receiving, dubious consent but not really, dom! reader, sub! murphy

pairing John Murphy x f!reader

“Chains? Really, she’s chained her pet up now?” She’s always been a bit overzealous, but my sister really has gotten herself into it this time. How does she expect no one to find out that she isn’t a true commander? Without the flame she’s just my idiot sister. “Give me the key. Now.”

I shove her man aside and stalk toward her quarters. He grunts, but won’t do anything about my treatment of him. If there’s anything good to say about my sister it’s that she protects me. In fact, I’m probably the only person other than Roan, Nia, and their goons who could ever talk back to her without getting skewered.

I’m quiet as I near the door, creeping extra slowly in my heavy boots. With my ear to the wood I hear the muffled sounds of her speaking to him–the scrawny Skaikru boy.

“There’s somebody else, okay? I’m sorry.” Doesn’t sound sorry to me. My breath tightens in my chest, my sister doesn’t like to be told no. And, if he fights her on it, she will certainly win, one way or another…

“Is she a commander too?” Well, you’re not really a commander are you, Ontari?

“No.” Chains rattle within. So she did have him chained up. What a charmer my sister is. I feel my heartbeat quicken but I can’t tell why. As though I’m in battle when I am not.

“Would she kill you if you ever lied to her,” The chains make a cracking sound, and I hear him grunt. “Did anything to break her trust, or upset her in any-”

I’m moving before I can think better of it. I don’t know why I would do such a horribly foolish thing but I do. When the door slams open Ontari is there, pulling him toward her by a chain that is cuffed around his neck. The look on his face is a perplexing one, hesitant but willing, typical man. I scoff. Loyalty is a myth. Ontari is bare, of course flaunting the body that has always been so much better than mine.

“Sister!” She is displeased. “You are interrupting.”

I shake my head at her. “Chit yu dula op?”

“Just having a little fun.” She grits out. I raise my brows at her, and she crosses her arms over her perky, bare breasts like an insolent child.

“Well. Glad to see you’ve learned some things about enslaving people.” I glance pointedly at the chain still in one of her hands. I can tell that upset her, but it’s true. How can she abuse her power like this when we’ve lived under the fist of others for so long? “Anyway, you wanted to know when King Roan arrived. He has.”

My sister sucks in a breath, composing herself. “Of course. Thank you, sister.” I lean in the doorway as she dresses and shift my glance over to see that her ‘fleimkepa’ is eyeing me cautiously. I narrow my eyes in return. He must be a snake to have fallen in with Ontari. Of course, I’m not much better. I’ve killed for her.

She slips past me. “And what should I do with your prisoner?” I mock.

“Don’t touch,” she hisses.

“Don’t worry.” I slam the door behind her before turning to take in the scene before me. It’s a pitiful display. The sky boy’s face is decorated in lines of dried blood, and he looks ridiculous in the robes he’s clad in. “Hello, liar.” He frowns. I can tell he doesn’t want to say anything, doesn’t want to reveal his hand without knowing how much I already know. “What is your name?”

“People call me Murphy.”

“I didn’t ask what people call you. I asked for your name.”

He smirks but it doesn’t reach his eyes. It seems he’s used to playing pretend. “John Murphy.”

I approach him, our eyes not breaking contact. His are dark blue and difficult to read. I reach up and unlock the collar around his neck, dropping it to the floor in a loud metal thud. He isn’t bad looking. I noticed it when Ontari first began toting him around. I’m unsure if it’s the strong nose or the way his lips curl into a sarcastic smile at the slightest hint of play. He’s like a child that way.

“Well you’re welcome, John Murphy.” I turn away from him, walking toward the window. Everything is so big in Polis, and it’s startling to look down from so high up. “You should go before my sister returns.”

“Go? So you’ll disobey her?”

I can’t help but giggle at that. When I turn around he looks deadly serious. “I’m not afraid of her. Not like you, sky boy.”

“Sky boy.” He chuckles. “Alright, so if I walk out that door right now you won’t be killing me?”

“Nope.” I extend a hand toward the door. He shrugs and approaches it.

“Thanks. Your name?” He asks.

“(Y/n).” He nods. He does not go anywhere. I feel my stomach knotting. Ontari would very much not like this.

“Why do you stay with your sister?”

“She’s my sister.”

“Look, I’m not going to pry the answer out of you. You clearly don’t like her.” So casually he speaks to me, though I could easily murder him right here and anyone else surely would have already. There’s a knife at my hip, another in my boot. It would be too easy. “You could leave.”

At that, I scoff. “With you?”

“Well, I could manage getting out of here myself but it’d be a lot easier if you walked me out in chains.”

Ontari was right about him. He is smart, foxlike. I’ve always admired foxes, you know, before my sister would go in for the kill. I suddenly feel bare, but there’s no way he could know how much I’ve wanted to leave. I’ve spent my entire life in Ontari’s shadow. My perfect Natblida sister. And she has no idea the way Nia’s men would treat me behind closed doors, no idea the things I’ve done to protect her. My feet are moving now–what is it about this boy that makes me so thoughtless?

He holds out his wrists and I begin to tie them up. He flinches in pain as I pull the knot tight, and I tut at him. “Is it the sky that makes you all so weak, or just the coddling from your mothers?”

“I don’t have a mother anymore. Or a father.”

I meet his eyes, and again have no idea what I see in them.

“Then we are the same. Come on.” I yank him along with me, taking a huge breath before leaving the room. This could be very easy or end in Ontari slaying him on sight and finding some way to punish me. Why did I care if this pet of her’s died? “Hurry.” I hissed.

We’ve made it down the first hallway when I hear sounds from around the next corner. Luckily, there’s a shallow alcove in the dark to our left. I slam him into it, clasping my hand over his mouth and pressing my body tight against him. Hopefully this will be enough. He winks at me and I glare back.

Whoever it was passes us without incident, and we make the rest of our journey out undetected. Outside, he holds his hands out to me.

“I don’t think so.” I grin.

“Oh boy, what have I gotten myself into now.”

I lead him out of Polis, toward the surrounding forest where we won’t be so easily found. Pleased with our progress, I stop to rest.

“Are you letting me out of this anytime soon or should I be trying to escape?”

With my back to him, I ask the question that’s been on my mind. “You said to my sister there’s someone else. Is there?”

“There was. But, no, not anymore.” It’s a loaded answer, but one that causes my stomach to flutter regardless.

“So, you rejected your commander even without another woman on your mind?”

“We both know she isn’t a commander. And I don’t have a commander. Kind of a loner, when I’m not chained up.”

I turn. “And you find yourself chained up often, I assume?”

He shrugs. “More often than I’d like.”

I take a step toward him. If I could just read him this wouldn’t be so difficult. But if there’s one language I’m familiar with, it’s force. So, as I walk past him, I kick his knees out from under and he falls forward onto them. “So I’m to believe you don’t like being tied up?”

“I wouldn’t go that far.” I circle him, his eyes trained on me.

“How far would you go?” I am so out of my depth, but the way he looks up at me from below is like a drug. I could be this girl, the one who makes men fall on their knees. Maybe that’s who I am when men aren’t asking me to talk to my sister for them.

He blinks, and the first real smile I’ve seen breaks out on his face. “I’m yours.”

Those words alone send me into a frenzy. A sound escapes my throat and I grab him by the back of his head smashing my lips into his. He knows more of this than I do, I can tell, but when I back away there’s nothing mocking in the way he looks at me.

I take off my jacket first, then hesitate. This is the part I’ve always feared. “I don’t look like Ontari.” As if he couldn’t see already that she was built athletic and delicate like a doe and I was certainly not.

“And?” What an ass. But it works. I swallow and began to undress. As I do so, I don’t expect him to say anything. I know I’m bigger than her. But I can still have this. I don’t look at him until he clears his throat. “You’re beautiful.”

“What?” I croak.

“Do you need me to say it again? I want you.”

That’s it. I close the space between us. He eyes my tits from below. “Touch me.” I command.

He lifts his bound hands and raises a brow. I Shake my head ‘no.’ He'll have to figure it out. And he does. He brushes them up one leg and I shiver. He traces figure eights at the apex of my thighs. I part my legs in response, then grab his hand and bring it to my mouth. I take his first two fingers as far as they go, getting them wet, before returning them to him.

“Fuck.” He mutters under his breath. He brushes his fingers over my folds and then parts them. The fingers find their way to my entrance and I let out a moan. In response, he dives into me, pulling his fingers almost out before sliding them back in, over and over. His index finger curls inside me and my legs threaten to give out.

“John.” His eyes shoot up to me, as though I’ve said something more jarring than his own name. “I want your tongue.”

I lean back on the rough bark of a nearby tree and tilt my pelvis forward to give him access. He wastes no time in finding my clit, swirling his tongue around it. It’s almost too much all at once and I pull back.

“Can’t handle it?” I give him a halfhearted smack across the cheek, and it gives him all the answer he needs. His mouth finds me again, this time determined and rhythmic. Fuck. Who taught him how to do that?

My fingers find their way into his hair, and I tug at it as his mouth brings me closer and closer to oblivion. As it nears, I can’t hold back my whimpering moans, and he groans in response, the vibration of it sending me over the edge entirely. Braced against the tree, my body tremors in pleasure. When I glance back down he looks too smug.

“What are you smiling about?”

“Oh, nothing. Although you might want to work on your knot tying.” He raises the rope I’d tied around his wrists, his face smug.

I trace a finger down the side of his face, down along his neck. When I reach his chest, I give a hard shove, knocking him back onto the ground. While he’s still in shock, I grasp his hands and pin them down. Now he looks hungry.

“Would you like to be let go?” I ask in the sweetest voice I can muster, fluttering my eyelashes.

He shakes his head once. His eyes do not meet me, but are focused on my breasts which dangle right above him. I know what he wants, so I lean closer and he takes one of my nipples in his mouth. His tongue swirls, and I feel the hardness in his pants against my swollen cunt. I can’t help but rub myself on it and soon can’t take it anymore.

I let go of my grasp on him so I can undo the buttons on his pants. Apparently I take too long, because he slips his hands under mine and whips his cock out for me. My eyes widen and my pussy clenches at the sight. He is much more endowed than I would’ve expected from one of the weak sky people.

“You like what you see?” He is amused, and so I give his cock a light smack. He winces.

“I could kill you.” We smile at one another. This could be a very good arrangement.

I ease myself onto his hard cock. I’m so wet from before that it slips inside me with no resistance. We both let out involuntary moans as I’m filled with him.

“Fuck, your pussy is so tight.” He gasps.

His cock is long enough that I whimper when it is fully sheathed. He looks to pleased at that, so I lean forward and let his cock fall out. He growls in frustration as I thrust my clit on him.

“If you want me to put it back in, you’re going to have to beg.”

“You’re sadistic.”

“You seem to like it quite a bit.” I look down at his cock to drive my point.

“Fine. Please ride my cock?”

“Oh, come on, you can do better than that.”

“(Y/n), please ride my fucking cock, I feel like im going to burst.”

“Yes, John.” I slide him back inside and roll my hips. His hands find their way to my waist and I start to bounce on him. He feels incredible inside me, and I start to ride harder. I want his fucking come inside me.

My hands find their way around his neck, beginning to cut off blood flow. His eyes roll back, and suddenly he’s lifting me up with his hands so that his hips can do all the work. He pounds so hard that he is hitting what feels like the very end of me. I clench around him, wanting it to never fucking end.

“Harder.” He groans, and I oblige, clenching down around his throat.

His face begins to turn color and I start to wonder if I’ve gone too far when he lets out a long, animalistic groan and I feel him twitching inside me. His pleasure goes on longer than I thought possible, and the load inside me must be huge. When he’s finished, I lay forward, letting him remain inside me. We are both spent, our panting breaths nearly in tandem as I lay bare on top of him in the forest.

I place a kiss on his jaw, close to his ear and whisper. “Well, that was fun.”

He cranes his neck to look down on me, his brows furrowed slightly. “Where are you going now?”

I realize I have no idea. I’ve never been without my sister before. So I shrug.

“I’m taking you with me.”

#fanfic #fanfiction #john murphy #oneshot #the 100 #john murphy the 100 #the things i do to survive #john murphy x reader #murphy the 100 #smut #sub john murphy #playful smut #playful John murphy #💤🦪#🪳

114 notes · View notes

cupcakes-n-rainbows · 1 year

Text

Chronic pain sucks.

I'm fourteen. I'm young to be here, to be in these communities, to even have fully-formed opinions on things. But I've been here. I've had years to idle and stare at the wall, thinking about all the things I wish I could say in a way abled people would understand. Had years to read blog posts, to quietly seek out disabled role models, to call myself disabled inside my head. Because that's okay. It's who I am.

I hate playing the "Sick Olympics". I've never not been in pain, but it really started when I was eleven. I've been through shit. I have friends who have been through more shit. You can drown in a few inches of water as much as you can in a few feet. I have to remember that.

I'm fourteen. I write. I've been writing since I was eleven. First, it was for fun, to make up little stories to dance in my head. Then, it was to pass the time, sitting in waiting rooms and pre-op and spinning on the never-ending hamster wheel of too much, not enough. Now, it's to express myself. To craft the representation I never saw when I so desperately needed it. To, someday, help others feel seen. I've been told I defy the odds. I'm taking a college class and a high school course load when I should be in 8th grade. I write. I think. I stare at the ceiling. The world passes me by.

There are days when all I can do is curl in a ball. I'll never be normal. I never have been. I'll never have the middle school experience, probably won't have the high school one. I missed two years of school, but somehow stayed grades ahead. My mind is the only part of me that's all mine, and sometimes, I can't talk straight. The fog sets in, and it's like every word has to wade through honey to leave my mouth, to be typed onto my screen. I'm breaking at the seams.

It'll only get worse. This rare disease, what it all stems from, it's degenerative. The glue that holds my body together is faulty. I stretch and I bruise and I hurt, and someday, it feels like I'll disintegrate. I don't know what to do. Sometimes, I'm trapped.

I know what I want to do. I know what holds my heart, my interest, my passion. I know I'll never do it. Some things, you aren't selling yourself short. Some things, it'll just hurt to pretend you could until you have to admit it.

I hope it gets better. I really do.

#chronic pain #chronically ill #disability #disabled #actually disabled #wheelchair user #high school #spoonie #ehlers danlos #ehlers danlos syndrome #rare disease #chronic fatigue #writing #rain speaks #it gets better #but finding that better is a long road

149 notes · View notes

iloveaustinelvisandmannymore · 1 year

Text

Stalker's little family.

Pairing: Austin Butler x reader.

Part 1.

Warning:Blood kink, Cum shots, Sex Toy, Choking, Dirty talk, Pregnancy sex, Hair pulling, Oral (Fem & male receiving) Shower sex, Breeding kink, Degrading kink, Praise kink, Dark humor, Murder, Gore, Dark reader, Yandere Austin, Clean toothbrush.

Summary: It's time for Austin to return to California, Anaheim so with a heavy heart you leave with your new boyfriend, to his shared house with Kaia, you keep asking what happened with her but he'd either switch the topic or not answer at all regardless of this you're absolutely ecstatic for your new horizon but it seems it wouldn't come so easy to obtain when Austin's neighbor finds out about his secrets.

A/n: I want to thank everyone who had waited patiently for me post this, if I'm being honest I had lost motivation to finish but I did! I hope that y'all like it, I want to also say I appreciate every person who likes my stories and my followers without y'all I'd never find out how much I love to write. Anyways onto the story and like always stay tuned (Sorry if it sucked!)

"Thank you so much for everything." you said as you pulled away from ki's embrace "I am sad to see you go, (N/N) you have been a great friend and colleague. Take care of my baby ok?" Ki winked at you which you playful huffed "Now get going or you're guard dog is going to put me six feet under," He chuckled nervously looking over your shoulder, and you followed his gaze to see Austin's icky blues glaring murderously at Ki, holding Hudson, who was in fact too busy gumming on his little fist to notice his daddy's deadly aura.

You hid your smirk, feelings of arousal and euphoria rushed up your veins like a drug "I guess so, Bye Ki. I'll call you sometime." you winked at him before heading to your car not bothering to hide your smirk anymore "Cool down tiger." You teased walking past Austin to your vehicle, you open the car door and sat down in the passenger seat. Austin following in suit after he buckled Hudson into his car seat before getting to the driver's seat and began driving, his eyes ahead of him, his jaw clenched "My love you don't need to be jealous, I love you." you said softly "I know, I just can't help it. You're mine after all." he takes your hand and kissed your knuckles, a small smile on his lips, God he loved you so damn much, even when you tease him like that, he just didn't trust Ki he was known for being a playboy, anyone can see he liked, Maybe even loved you and that thought made he want to go crazy, you're his, if he has to get you pregnant, breed you over and over again for people to know that then he will, happily.

Ki had some of his people move your stuff into Austin's house in the dead of night, and his jet set to take you back privately, knowing you wanted to keep your little family secret, especially since Kaia went missing, it would be bad publicity for Austin and you can't, won't ruin his dreams. "He asleep?" you asked sitting up in the queen-sized bed you now shared with Austin "with difficulty but asleep." he sighed, slipping under the covers, his head on his hand as he looked at you "it's hard huh?" you said laying down "Oh yeah," he chuckled softly pulling you into his embrace "But I wouldn't change a thing." his other hand rubbing your 3-month pregnant belly "Not a thing." you smiled as you both laid in the comfortable silence, his arms around you and his heartbeat in your ear made everything so surreal, you dreamed of something like this, THE Austin Bulter to be in love with you, have a family with him, to have that honor of bearing his children and here you are, in his bed, in his arms, his love all around you, yes you and Hudson had to be kept secret but you actually liked that you don't want paparazzi in your business.

Your thinking stopped when Austin's soft snores filled your ears "Goodnight my love." you whispered and kissed his cheek before snuggling into his chest as sleep overcomes you. Austin slowly open his eyes only to shut them from the slither of light from the curtains, he grunted and turned to cuddle you but he felt nothing "Baby?!" he called, a bit of panic in his deeper voice, sitting up in the bed "I'm in the kitchen!" you called back, Austin quickly got out of bed and rushed to the kitchen, his pajama pants hang on his hips, and his panic immediately vanished as he sees you fed Hudson some baby food with your new work cloths; a white pencil skirt with a white dress jacket buttoned and a black blouse low-cut.

Austin looked at your get-up, top to bottom l, he licked and bit his bottom lip, his blues darkened "Say," he trailed off "When was the last time I fucked you?" "Austin!" you gasped "What?! I'm just asking," he smirked "Not in front of Hudson! Horn dog." you giggled as Austin placed kisses around your face and neck, "I have to go, I can't be late, I'm the CEO now." you smiled at him as he pouted "Sarsh is gonna come and pick Hudson so he can have a play date with Jackson" Austin nod "Bye baby," Austin whispered against your lips before giving you one last kiss. You waved goodbye to Austin and Hudson, who rested against his father's waist, Austin waved back with a smile.

Ryan's eyes watched the houses going over if this is ready to try to find out the truth he knew something was up when movers had moved something into his neighbor's house in the dead of night and his Kaia went missing after she accuses of Austin cheating, that was enough for him to think maybe Austin had something to do with that, gripping his lock picks and a blacklight, left his house and jumped the fence to the backyard of his neighbor's home, and started to unlock the back door, He sighed asentersnter the house "Ok where to begin?" he questions no one, he had 3 hours before you and Austin come back from work. Closing the door he began to look around.

He looked in the bedrooms first upstairs and then the master bedroom bathroom, he turned the blacklight on the sink, and streaks of bright green fell down the drain, taking his phone he snapped a photo before heading to the kitchen, Ryan's heart stopped dead, the loud clinking of heels hit the wooden floors that lead to the very room he was it. He looked around vertically 'There!' he looked at the walk-in pantry and immediately hid in that spot, peeking through the mostly closed double doors, he watch you as you dropped your keys on the marble Island. "I know you're there, come out," you called out with an ice-cold tone, staring directly at the pantry, Rayn walked out, a glare in his eyes "You cause her death huh?" he spat "You took my only happiness away! Now it's your turn, I'll—" Ryan's villain's speech was cut short by his own scream as a knife stuck out of his shoulder, another painful scream ripe out of him as the knife was jerked out, his body slumped to the floor, gripping his shoulder to try and stop the bleeding but that was useless as he'll come to find out. Austin pinned the defenseless man and his knife cut into Ryan's chest over and over again, blood spattering onto Austin's face, and hands, and a large pool of crimson leaked out of the already dead man "Austin." you called firmly, he didn't stop, you frowned as you walked to him and kneel beside him"Austin." you called again softly taking his face in your hands, your frowned deepened as a tear hits the dumb corpse.

"I-I can't lose you or Hudson." Austin stuttered tears keep falling " Oh baby you'll never lose us," you looked down at Ryan's lifeless body "We made sure of that." Austin's breathing calmed, "let's hide the evidence," you said taking the shovel you left by the front door and handing it to him. "we'll be fine my love," you kissed him and nudge him gently to the backyard, you watched him leave before began to grab things that you needed like the tarp, mop and bucket, a large zip ties, a jar of hydrogen peroxide and flowers. You filled the bucket with water and hydrogen peroxide, dragged the body onto the huge black trap, wrapped him in it, and close the tarp with the zip ties. You were mopping the floor when Austin came in, and you could help but stop to watch as Austin picked up the body almost effortlessly, the blood made him even more beautiful and sexy, and you could already feel yourself become soaked for your boyfriend, you quickly finish mopping up all the blood, grabbed the flowers and walked into the backyard, Austin had already buried the body next to the flower garden, Austin wipe the dirt off his forehead but it becoming even dirtier, you let out a small giggle at that which got you an adorable confused look from Austin before you both began to plant the flowers above Ryan's resting place. "Now let's get cleaned up" you clapped your hands clean, well the best you could do with blood and dirt caked on them, Austin being the gentleman he was, helped you up.

Flashes of Austin filled your mind, him being so protective and possessive, killing the threat of your happiness, for your family, his eyes, damn near black as a starless night, and the beautiful crimson splattering onto his cheeks hands, and chest, some even in his blonde hair, the strong feeling of hormonal lust came as your want for him grows. You barely had enough time to step into the bathroom when Austin's mouth smashed against yours, tongue exploring your mouth like it would all suddenly vanish, you lewdly moaned at feeling the hotness of his tongue, he backed you more into the bathroom, one hand blindly opening the bathroom mirror cabinet, and Austin broke the heated kiss as he begins to open up the unused electric toothbrush "Clothes off and lay on the floor" his deep voice growled, and you smirked playfully, undressed with Austin smacked your ass and laid down against the cold white tile, waiting and anticipating for his next move, he's slowly almost teasingly took his clothes off and got on his knees, the toothbrush between his teeth and he took it out of his mouth "let's have a try huh?" he smirked, turned on it, the vibration sounded out in the otherwise room silent, the rough bristles hit your sensitive bud with a spinning vibration.

A loud whimper and moan at a harsh but pleasant sensation "that's my beautiful slut." he said, his cock slammed and pounded away into you without mercy.

"Fuck," he groans tossing the toothbrush away, his hand now occupied with choking and squeezing your throat, leaving a bloody handprint, your eyes rolled back as he rolled his hips, throwing one leg on his shoulder, and leaned to kiss you reaching a new deeper angle "Eyes on me," he growled pulling your head back, fist wrapped in your hair a while he drilled down into you like a crazed man, his pelvis bone slapping against your clit.

"So beautiful, carrying my baby let every motherfucker you're mine, fuck. Want. To. Keep. You. Pregnant." squeezing your neck tighter as he thrusted after every period, you loved that idea, you would gladly carry this man's babies no matter how much he wanted, to have him breed you over and over, would be a dream come true. You were close so close, your pussy clenched and unclenched around Austin making him curse under his breath as he fucked you faster, "Fuck!" you cried grabbing into his bicep, and a hand on your belly you came, your back arched, pushing your breasts against his firm chest. Austin continues to thrust until you came down your high, he pulled and wrapped his hand that was on your neck around his angry and sensitive cock, jerking and squeezing, his pearly cum suddenly shoots onto your chest and stomach, heavy almost breathless pants left him.

You both sat there for a second before Austin stood up and picked you up setting you down the toilet, a kiss on your head, and then turning on the shower head to the right temperature. You hummed as the hot water relax your muscles, and the beautiful Crimson rush down to the drain "We're not done yet." Austin whispered into your ear, turning you around and getting on his knees, His eyes meet yours, licking his lips and before his pillowy lips wrapped on your clitoris.

You closed your eyes with a smile as your boyfriend eats you out, this truly was a dream come true, you'd fight for this, and Austin had proven this tonight, by killing that pesky, nosy neighbor, too high off drugs that drove everyone away and the day he killed Kaia, yes you knew, when It came your family you knew when something was up, you even know he brought an engagement ring but you wouldn't tell him that.

This was your happily ever after and nobody. Nobody would take it from you.

Taglist; @kendralavon7, @purejasmine, @plasticfantasticl0ver, @galaxygirl453, @cynic-spirit, @18lkpeters, @chasingwildflowers,

#elvis imagine #elvis presley x reader #elvis x reader #austin butler smut #elvis smut #austin butler x reader #elvis 2022 #austin butler #yandere austin butler x reader #yandere reader #austin butler imagine

276 notes · View notes

merpiko · 5 months

Text

tva tumblr dashboard simulator (limbo of after s1 but before the big events of s2)

✳️ childoflizardwizards Follow

Can L1130 stop throwing infinity stones at me while I review his mission report

✳️ childoflizardwizards Follow

I told him I was gonna snitch to Mobius and he stopped

#X-5 was right #he literally deflated the moment I told him how much power does Mobius hold over this guy

239 notes

🔆 hunter-a-9 Follow

just learned theres a department called repairs & advancements and its run by just one guy?? so thats how my tempad gets fixed

🐍 ouroboros-rna Follow

hello! (-‿◦☀)

🐌 deskslug Follow

wait. ouroboros? did you write the tva official handbook

🐍 ouroboros-rna Follow

yes :D

🐌 deskslug Follow

OH MY GOD I'M A HUGE FAN CAN YOU SIGN MINE

🐍 ouroboros-rna Follow

sure! just come down to r&a ^_^

4,289 notes

? deactivated23040130

do you ever think about your l̵̝̦̝̻̹̹̿̌̔̓͒̎̃̇͠ͅi̷̙̿̋̃̕f̸̬̘̙̀ͅe̷̦͍͎̮̎̔͑̐̀̿̾̓̎̋ ̵̢̭̺̹̈ó̵̘̫̣̹͖̜̞̫͍͘ǹ̴̠̩̼̩͔̈́̇̀͒̈́̓̽͝ ̶̛͇̒̅͋͛̉̓̄t̶̡̼͎̟̀͌̿͒̕h̴̛͓̣͍̓̊̈́̈́͑e̶̟̩͑̈ ̸̫̱̥̉̅̓̓̚t̷̗̲̲̞̺̞̣͍̮̐̾͊̀̎̚̚i̷̻͑̉̐̊̆̾̽̽̃̚ḿ̷͉̻̩̝̗̉ḛ̴̡̘̣̖͖̮́l̴̡̞͓̪̹̦͚̟̑̂̉̅̏̍͐í̵̘̪́̽̿̿̈́ͅn̴̯̬̫̭̮͉̝͐̒̂̒̽͆͜͝ȩ̶̤͈̪͓̠̝̮̳̔͘

🃏 probablygambledinapastlife Follow

DEACTIVATED?? THIS WAS POSTED 5 SECONDS AGO

#fishy #i thought it wasn't possible for weird fonts besides the tva standard ones #it is now! #MISS MINUTES???

391 notes

📜 judge-gamble Follow

did i just see renslayer open the sims 4 on her tempad

#so much for the rule of not jailbreaking them

30,106 notes

📌 acoolusername Follow

blonde woman stepped through a time door and is currently making me type this as she holds a dagger to my throat, so does anyone know where mobius and the variant are

🐊 alligatorwithacrown-inmourning Follow

probably making out

✏️ grammarwarriorattheoffice Follow

They're in the auto-mat.

📌 acoolusername Follow

thanks you guys suck -syl

📞 notastandout Follow

@alligatorwithacrown-inmourning i was across from op and her, she looked hella pissed when she saw your rb

🐊 alligatorwithacrown-inmourning Follow

they would make a good couple tho

✏️ grammarwarriorattheoffice Follow

Our job is to manage the timeline, not speculate on relationships.

🐊 alligatorwithacrown-inmourning Follow

do you think her and the variant were exes

📞 notastandout Follow

do you ever shut up

#annoying cubicle neighbors

18,223 notes

🐊 alligatorwithacrown-inmourning Follow

📞 notastandout Follow

GO BACK TO WORK

🐊 alligatorwithacrown-inmourning Follow

im pretty sure that the blonde woman was the variant's ex

🚨 casey-prisoner Follow

I'm going to gut you like a fish!

🐊 alligatorwithacrown-inmourning Follow

WHAT WAS THAT FOR

🚨 casey-prisoner Follow

The variant taught me that one! And go back to work, Emilia is going to start lashing out on me if you keep posting :)

📞 notastandout Follow

damn right casey

7,458 notes

🧶 weavingitallup Follow

can someone prune the variant (aka loki (of many), aka L1130, aka mobius's pet) hes going to destroy the tva if he keeps teaching casey these things

#i miss when fish didnt exist yet

5,100 notes

? XXXXX Follow

Hi y'all, this post has received a warning and will be deleted soon! Please carry on.

??? notes

💤 snoozingtilltheendoftime Follow

do you think anyone has ever gotten freaky with this

🏖️ howtoretireatajobyouweremadefor Follow

op what the hell is wrong with you

💤 snoozingtilltheendoftime Follow

i sit at a desk for eons

🍴 thesaladinthecafeteria-isspoiled Follow

miss minutes please do your job and delete this post

4 notes

🔎 mobius-m-mobius Follow

Why is there a poll discussing my relationship with the variant?

📞 notastandout Follow

@alligatorwithacrown-inmourning

🐊 alligatorwithacrown-inmourning Follow

FUCK

🔎 mobius-m-mobius Follow

keep up the great work people

🔎 mobius-m-mobius Follow

He took my TemPad, sorry.

🗡️ sylvie Follow

loki we need to talk the next time you come over

📞 notastandout Follow

wait weren't you the girl that almost killed my coworker

🔎 mobius-m-mobius Follow

i can come over now is it an emergency

🗡️ sylvie Follow

not for me but for you

🔎 mobius-m-mobius Follow

im not coming over

📌 acoolusername Follow

SHE ALMOST KILLED ME

🗡️ sylvie Follow

;)

2,023 notes

#loki series #loki #time variance authority #tva #loki laufeyson #mobius m mobius #sylvie laufeydottir #miss minutes #fake tumblr post #fake tumblr dash #most of this is self indulgent tbh

39 notes · View notes

thatdeadaquarius · 1 year

Note

OP your addtion about the Harbinger's reaction? Sent me wheezing to the moon 🤣🤣💀

I dont have any additions to Teyvat language yet (other anons have a more in depth explanations while mine is just shitposts wheEZE--) but I did have an idea for a Genshin AU.

I'm pretty sure everybody has heard about the blue alien people Avatar. Tribal people from another planet. (Also I just stumbled upon the forests of Sumeru while going through Chasm quests. The one that has giant mushrooms).

Imagine Genshin in the Avatar Au. Sumeru can be based on the first movie (It fits cause from what I can explore of Sumeru reminds me of the time I watched Avatar of the first time. Pure awe and wonder..) While the Water nation can be based on the 2nd movie, Hoyoverse hasnt released the name of the Water Country yet so we're just waiting. Mondstadt can be based on the upcoming 3rd (4th or 5th? Idk they had it lined up) movie that involves being high above the clouds. Kind of like the Jade palace or the Floating Abode in the serenitea pot.

Its all I could base for now since the other movies dont have that much info yet to be paired with Genshin's countries.

Bonus idea that randomnly popped into my head:

Still going with this Au but its sagau themed. Creator!Reader arrives to Teyvat and is considered as Eywa

NOW THIS

THIS IS AN ✨️IDEA✨️

I just want u to know i feel b l e s s e d that u put this in MY ask box , when this coulda been a whole post of ur own 💖💖🙏🙏

WARNING: So i havent seen the new movie, just the og Avatar one, and i totally loved that concept about Eywa and how their world works so ill refresh myself but if theres any new lore from the 2nd movie i aint got it yet 💁 srry babs

🎵 FROM THE DAY WE ARRIVED ON THE PLANEETTT

AND STEPPED OUT BLINKING INTO THE SUN

AND THE SUN ROSE HIGH IN A SAPPHIRE SKY

ITS THE CIRRRRCCCLLLEEE OF LIFFFFEEEE 🎵

^ except ur like the life itself bc ur god now

Thats why i put that there

This AU radiates that energy

♤

BRO I TOTALLY FORGOT ABT U MENTIONIMG THE COOL CHASM STUFF AND PICKED THAT GIF ALL ON MY OWN

BC I THOUGHT IF ANYTHING LOOKS LIKE EYWA TREE IN GENSHIN ITS THAT BEAUTIFUL MUSHROOM GOD

ANYWAYS-

So I accidentally posted this too early so keep refreshing or coming back bc if theres no "♡the beloveds♡" im still updating this then LMAO

SRRY GUYS

So anon's a genius and i could listen to u talk about this all day

I fucking love combining world building or lore together

Esp like making one the AU or just the setting like u said with Avatar worlds as settings and same characters-

EEEEEE U ARE EYWA- YESSSSS YESSSSSS I AM YOUR GOD BITCHES!!! SUCK ON MY BIG FAT MAN TIDDIES BITCHES RAHHHHH /REF

♧

So they deffo use "Eywa" as a term for you instead of your name

Honestly, before when u were a mysterious af planet creature thing (lets say u get isekaied there i mean)

Nobody rlly knew if u even could take a mortal form or even thought of that as a concept

I feel like the younger generations immortals and Teyvat's current countries kinda think of you Eywa as more of a passive entity life force thing

Rather than the older immortals and creatures that had seen thru eons or over the course of a couple thousand years

That u were very aware and intelligent

Not that ur energy or aura didnt tell them that alone

◇

So a little deeper into the Teyvat lore here but i dont see anybody else talking about it so I will

Originally, it was the Seven Sovriegns and you, and eventually Phanes and their Four Shades,

And they literally all quickly came to realize u literally made this planet and began to start the first traditions of worshipping you!

Like putting gifts or hand made goods at the base

(Ppl have also gotten a tradition from Morax/Rex Lapis and Guizhong and other adepti to leave birthday letters to offer you, which ties into what i say below⬇️)

Ya know,

Eywa the tree could even be a sort of source to the eyes of Teyvat of what you look like while u were playing the game

Like how Eywa's little jellyfish reach ppl in the forest and shit? I think?

So like i would imagine that whatever u make certain vessels or acolytes do most often, is what they think they should offer u :0

◇

Claymore users give u gemstones and ores

Bow users give u hunted game like fowl, or the treasure from puzzles that required arrows (like those bursting blue balloons?)

Catalysts and Polearms give u all kinda of crazy shit lmao

Bc they can be used for a vareity of things

◇

Bc of ur player status and abilities, people of Teyvat attribute a gain in power or talents or whatnot to you, Eywa

So say u actually physically there now, and u just wake up under the coolest sickest tree youve ever seen in ur life

Omg could u imagine????

Seeing Teyvat irl? But AVATAR WORLD IRL???!!!

You would stand there lookin around like a drunk fuck for like 20 minutes, maybe longer lmao

Its just so ✨️pretty✨️ here

Also the tree itself just feels like, the equivalent to ur bedroom basically but like specifically if it was hella comfy and like just the way u want it (all the decor is up, the floor is clean, u got like hot choco on ur desk, theres a candle burning, etc.)

♤

Oh so since ur like weirdly connected to the land, like u know how theres a voice line abt walking in that glowing aranara part of Sumeru and ur steps light up?

I saw that too in the OG avatar movie

So i feel like u would have a map with ALLLLL the peoples on it and little icons

U can focus on just vision users or bosses or big nature things like Dragonspine

◇

Oh so Eywa can control all animals and whatnot and so u as a mortal person can too

So anytime theres a threat u can deadass just become a pokemon trainer LMAO

Ok but think how badass it would be to just like,

Get the Primo Geovishap or Giant Bird Jadeplume Terror thingy to just leave their territory and wipeout some mfs

(coughunknowngodasomodaycough)

It would be fucking amazing

♧

Unrelated to above bc im just spitting out ideas srry guys

but like

I feel like if u were a lifeforce sort of ancient eldritch god for the entire goddamn continent of Teyvat let alone the whole planet-

You would have to maintain said continent/planet

Like, make sure the Irminsul is growing okay, protect from mfs like Dottore,

Stop diasters if ur Eywa too, esp bc u can hear prayers now, and would hear ppl crying out to help them geez

while the prayers of the many kinda just glob together to form the major "feeling" of the prayer for most creatures,

Vision users, gods, ancient creatures u can get their exact sentences

Basically more magic = better heard to connect with u

◇

Oh u know, i could even see it being even more manual or personal labor bc ur not like a tree connected to ur roots thruout the world technically

Like if volcanoes erupt in Natlan, the archon and gods there help and u r also wanted/needed in person for it to work

U would still be powerful, but yeah like say the tree was u just playing genshin before,

The game automatically regulated diasters and stuff other than what was supposed to happen in game

◇

So kinda bouncing off that I read smwhere that the Na'vi dont actually view Eywa as like omnipotent or omniscient

(like the God™️ from the Christian bible for a example of what your not)

And also! Dont blame/attribute natural diasters, plagues, or other bad stuff on Eywa

So good for you whew 💦

Ur actually supposed to kinda just be the collective lifeforce or Teyvat/world and nature, and a defender and guide of life :0

Which kinda fits with the whole "upgrading characters" thing actually

◇

Okay but I saw somewhere in SAGAU tag someone did another name instead of Creator to spice it up and its "All-Mother"

And interestingly, Eywa in Avatar is also called that and "Great Mother"!!

How fun :0

Also, the reason Eywa still got people with free-will is bc they kinda described the relationship to Eywa being something like a mother or parent

Maybe where name/titles came from ig?

Either way, ppl be calling u all types of nicknames u aint heard before lmao

I mean ur sacred, they dont just say ur name,

Nobody knows ur real name or what u call yourself

Just what they call u

Bc they couldnt communicate with u super well before, (the bday letters were the closest they got verbally, and even then they had to be addressed somewhat to ur first vessel the traveler to get thru/be seen)

Otherwise yeah u operating them lets say before on Earth you rlly felt like an eldritch nature deity 💀

Cause u guide them in battles, strengthen their talents and skills and bodies, and feed them food

If they were in battle like needing healing food, u help them heal by consuming it for them so they dont have to take a snack break in battle and

Let me tell u, these denizens of Teyvat who have to constantly deal with magic and monsters and abyss stuff, so a stroll outside ur house gets u in a fight...

...They are very grateful for that needless to say.

Plus i like to think u make fighting easier on them bc ur "guiding" their bodies

◇

Anyway thats a long winded way to say, help me think of all the names Teyvat's given you lmao:

Eywa

All-Mother / Great Mother

All-Father / Great Father

All-Parent? / Great Parent

Creator

Their Grace

Great Puppeteer

The Puppeteer

Soul of Teyvat

Greatest Soul

☆

She aint long bc im not that creative and this idea has sm potential too😔

I would love to be Eywa sounds fun and powerful af and i dont get expected to be Jesus and they know i dont cause the natural diasters, like that sounds nice

Aight im no genius and this writing feels like im just rambling like a drunk guy sittin on the sidewalk mumbling to myself, i had to stop writing 💀

Like that energy specifically-

So lmk if yall got any other cool titles or names :0

I couldn't think of anymore :/

Also srry about the updating this post and making u check back in if u already read this before i put the taglist

(Me putting the taglist means im done editing/writing this dw if u seein this)

Cheers,

🌒🌧🌊Aquarius♒️🌌🌘

♡my beloveds♡

@karmawonders / @0rah-s / @randomnatics / @glxssynarvi / @nexylaza / @genshin-impacts-me / @wholesomey-artist

125 notes · View notes

oleanderblume · 1 year

Text

Hey I'm healing from top surgery so I'm gonna masterwork the stages of healing I've been experiencing cause people are always leaving shit out :D

• You will sleep. Often.

So, basically after I got my surgery done, I had a whole concoction of medication and all of it knocks you the *fuck* out. If you fight it, you're simultaneously fighting God. That being said, take it. It's made to make your existence more bearable. Because if you're Top Surgery came with liposuction, like mine did, wherever you had liposuction will hurt. So just count on doing just about fuck all during that first week.

• You will need help, accept it.

And I mean with things you don't think you should need help with. Yes, getting tall things, but also in that first week and ESPECIALLY the first couple of days post op, you might even need help getting out of bed, opening doors.

The general rule here is you can't life anything over 15lbs, but *really* it's "you can't do anything where you can feel your stitches pulling" which is basically everything sans going to the bathroom. For me, the hardest thing was being so in need of assistance, that I legitimately couldn't lift my torso up enough to get out of bed, I figured it out after day 3 though.

• You will probably have to have drains, get over it. And yes. They suck, but for a specific reason.

Everyone talks about how shitty drains are, but I've never heard them say *why* drains suck because they hurt after a period of time. Usually around end of week 1, and for me, all of week 2. By week 2, I legitimately wanted to Rio these Fulkerson out.

But I wanted to rip them out because of a bunch of reasons.

1. They werr placed in a way where i couldn't see them and had limited access to the insertion site, closer to my back than my side. This made it very hard to deal with near the end for reason 2.

2. They fucking itch, and if they don't itch, they legitimately hurt. (This is why that pain medication is helpful imo.) The insertion site has loose stitches keeping the drains in your body, and your skin eventually wants to heal around it, now imagine constantly itching and/or aching, in a place you can't touch or even fucking see— constantly.

3. It's kind of gross. This wasn't a big issue for me. I have a morbid curiosity (I wanted to take a video of my sister pulling out my drains bit they didn't) but for folks who don't like the idea of having to pour out your body juices to measure and record, that can be squicky.

4. Fucking dogs. Dogs and quick movements, especially of other people is the MOST terrifying, because I was constantly afraid of pur dog jumping up and tearing those fuckers out of my body.

Now I'm gonna talk about the actual healing process and how that feels.

Week One— The least painful, but most disabling.

The first couple of days, I was essentially entirely reliant on my sister. I couldn't go to the bathroom without her help to get out of bed. At this time, you still have the anesthesia in your system so you can't feel a whole lot, other than gravity, and you're still pretty sleepy. It's advised to get up Avery few hours to shuffle around, but honestly, taking a nap is all you'll want to do.

Of course, the sitting up rule still holds, you can't really lay flat on your back, and you won't want to, because it's hard to fucking get up without help.

As far as pain goes, you don't feel much in the actual surgery site. Some surgeons include additional liposuction (this method is used to reduce the liklihood of dog ears or excess skin from the procedure itself)

^^^this will be the most painful thing during the first week^^^

It's because you get a lot of bruising, both external and internally when you have liposuction and it causes a lot of aching. The ache will gradually fade around the week 1 end, especially if you heal well from bruising you might have some numbness left over, but likely not from the liposuction. Those bits will be tender. You'll be given (or have bought) a compression garment that will come in very handy. It's not the same as a binder in that it's much easier to remove. The tightness won't be as restrictive, and it will help with liposuction healing and keeping your gauze in place. This is made to be worn basically 24/7 with exception of showers and washing. It *will* chafe, and you *will not* feel it. Prepare for that.

You can't physically do much of anything during this week, I couldn't open or close heavy doors, grab anything heavier than maybe 5 lbs, and most definitely not reach for anything. As mentioned, I couldn't lift my own ass out of bed, so I definitely couldn't drive. They *say* you can drive after the first 2 days. Don't. 1, you're probably on pain medication which knocks you put in about an hour of taking and 2, you're probably underestimating the strength and movement involved in using a steering wheel.

Over all, this is actually the easiest part of healing, pain wise. It's definitely the hardest if you don't have someone to care for you and help you during this time because you most definitely can't do it on your own.

Week Two— This one fucking SUCKS.

This is the week that the anesthesia has definitely worn off and you're running in pain medication. I was given a concoction of Gabapentin, Oxycodone, Diazepam, and over the counter Extra Strength Tylenol. Use them. Probably more than you think you should, honestly.

I had/have a very bad habit of not taking my pain medication as much as I should be because I'm low-key afraid of overdosing, but honestly. You won't overdose unless you take waaay too much of all your meds at once.

You'll still have to be sleeping sat up a bit, but you'll have significantly more mobility and strength— that doesn't mean you can over extend yourself. The 15lb rule still exists, and you don't want to extend your arms fully.

At this point, you'll be regaining feeling, it won't be a whole lot, but it comes in stages. (I'll go in depth near the end of the post)

This is when the drains become an aggravation. If you haven't had them taken out by end of week 1, week 2 you more than likely will, and up until then, they will get worse and worse to deal with.

For me, because of where they were placed, they were directly where I couldn't see them and couldn't fuck with them, but I laid on them every night, and of course, my skin was beginning to heal over the sutures, causing aching and unbearable itchiness. THIS is why you want to take your meds. In addition, remember how I mentioned the compression garment and the chafing? You're still wearing that. And if you haven't been closely watching your chafing, by week 2, you're made fully aware of it, because your under arms and sides will have gained feeling by then, and it will fucking hurt. Get band-aids. I have a stack of them up and down my sides where my drains were, and where I've chafed the most.

By your first week post op appointment, the surgeon has probably removed your gauze and any sutures covers for nipple grafts. They'll tell you how to do nipple and scar care. This varies from surgeon to surgeon, but I'll tell you about mine.

I had nipple grafts, so for week 1, I had little gauze squares on top of my nipples and sutures into my skin to protect them. At my post op those were removed and my nipples were covered in Vaseline and telfa paper. (It's basically a medical gauze covered in a plastic that easily sticks to moisturizing gels)

As for my actual top surgery scars, instead of having open sutures, I have my stitches, along side these sticky "brackets" they are plastic and run along my front and sides, except for directly under my nipples because of proximity. The plastic little brackets act as a tension that essentially pulls my skin together and keeps the stitches from stretching and forming wide scars. They fall off on their own once the skin has healed to the point that the tension isn't sufficient for them to keep sticking to my skin (they legit look like little plastic bridges and they are very satisfying swimming tools if you like running your fingers along the bumps they make under your binder) they also move over time, my two center ones have formed a triangle lol.

These brackets prevent me from having to do regimented scar care that some other folks have to post op, so I'd ask about them in your consultations :) you still have daily nipple moisturizing, and draining if you still have drains, but that takes a load off of the laundry list of shit you have to keep track of every day.

NOW FOR PAIN :D

You will be in pain. First it will be itching. The most annoying, persistent itching you have ever felt in your life, and you have to be incredibly care where it's coming from. This itching is actually normal. Itching is the lowest registry of pain your body has, and as you heal and your nerves regenerate, you will feel a variety of very weird things, but most definitely it will involve pain and itching.

Next will be what I'm gonna term "zingers" these are like spikes of tingly pain that you get in your chest, probably in your nipples the most. They don't really hurt, so much as just feel particularly strange and they are annoying too. Not everyone will experience this, and not necessarily both nipples or at this stage, it's highly dependent on how you heal and if you regain feeling in your nipples at all.

I was expecting myself to never regain feeling in my nipples again because of the type of surgery I had (double incision) so it took me by pleasant (and also awful) surprise.

Other weird sensations as your nerves begin regenerating are "hot/cold" and "inexplicable tightness" and of course, "let's ache".

•hot/cold is basically if you took IcyHot or Vicks Vapor Rub or any kind of menthol topical ointment and rubbed it all over your chest. It doesn't hurt, but it is very interesting. It only lasted about 2 days for me, but it was notable.

•inexplicable tightness is exactly as it says. It *feels* like your skin is being pinched, this also doesn't exactly *hurt* but it's not a particularly pleasant feeling. It's just your nerves waking up and going "Oh hey, I'm closer than I was to my neighbor than the last time I checked" it's more noticeable when standing and you feel compelled to hunch over a bit because it's sort of tricking you into thinking your skin will somehow rip open if you don't. At least, it does that for me lol.

• let's ache is also exactly what it's called. It's specifically (for me, mind you) a persistent and constant ache directly along my stitches, specifically the part that wasn't given brackets because of how close it is to my nipples. This is probably the only part of me that hurts not *just* because of nerve regeneration, but also because of increased movement and higher tension because j can't put brackets there. However, I do put scar tape there, which helps, if possibly only through placebo.

By far though, the most distracting pain will be from your drains, if you still have them in.

Medication does weird stuff to your sleep pattern and dreams— additional notes.

So, because I've only just ended my Week Two of post Top Surgery, I'm gonna talk about the weird shit that the medication does and it's major affects.

So, my prescription is 2 antibiotics, 2 pain pills, 1 anxiety med, 1 antinausea. I also have over the counter pain medication, but it's functionally useless right now.

My personal routine is wake up, take antibiotics, and take at least 1 of the prescribed pain meds. My oxy lasts 6 hrs, the gabas last 12. Both will make you sleepy and dizzy, and also give you weird fucking dreams and royally fuck up your sleep schedule.

So, if you've not noticed, you'll be sleeping a lot. You're in the process of healing, and your body literally won't let you stay awake for much longer than 3 or 4 hours in that first week. Later on, it gets much easier, and if your me and don't *want* to be unconscious 90% of the time, it becomes a toss up between "Do I want to take ineffective Tylenols and be awake but in pain the whole time? Or do I want to take effective prescribed pain meds and have to lie down for a nap in roughly an hour because I'm too loopy/mentally foggy to carry on a conversation?"

The prescription wins most every time lol. Soon, as a result, I sleep a vast majority of the time. I can technically stay up in spite of the medication, but it is *very* hard, and even harder if you're trying to be active. Gabapentin is longer lasting and stronger than my oxycodone, and it makes your head feel like it's full of cotton balls. It works fantastic for pain relief, but at the cost of precision motor function and focus.

It gets harder to walk and carry on a conversation because it's a sedative and you're actively fighting your body saying "go the fuck to sleep"

Other weird side effects from the drugs and the healing have are psychological and emotional!!

It's commonly said that post top surgery you can have depression, and I would say yes— but also no.

It's more of being at the mercy of wildly fluctuating emotions and how they manifest. Typically in the form of crying, I've noticed. But not necessarily depression as I'm familiar with it.

Now, this can be for more reasons than *just* medication, and it has no bearing, in my opinion on how one might truly feel about their operation. Some factors include whether or not you take testosterone.

Low testosterone is known to be a cause of depression in cis men, and it works exactly the same for trans men and people who take testosterone. Previous to your surgery, you'll be required to stop taking a lot of your medications, including T if you're on it. This massive dip in T can *definitely* contribute to feeling depressed post op, but for a lot of guys familiar with T, this is a kind of depression you can largely tell is artificial— because it goes away the next time you take your dose XD

Other things that affect your mood is of course, your own hormones. The human body runs on hormones, and our body having gone through invasive surgery like top surgery will of course put your body in overdrive to repair broken connections, and to do that, it releases hormones. Which, in addition to reaction chemically inside you for healing purposes, also are the things that literally control your emotions.

This, in combination with the medication you've been prescribed, and the medication you've had to delay taking, can have a major impact on your mood and mental health. It doesn't necessarily mean you regret getting top surgery (you would know if you did)

But it can manifest in fluctuating mood, how you respond to emotional or psychological stimuli, dreams, nightmares, and how subconscious fears may manifest in them and the occasional intrusive thought. Also you will probably cry. And probably a lot. Over stupid shit too.

Things I've cried over in the past 2 weeks.

Typing "things I've cried over in the past 2 weeks"

A 5 second clip of futurama

A 15 minute excerpt from a 3 hr video essay of a gay furry dating Sim I have literally never heard of or played.

Talking about crying or what I've cried about so far, even when no emotions are attached.

Thanking a person for talking to me.

A good hug

The fact I can't watch Jimmy Neutron Boy Genius.

A video essay about Wizards of Waverly Place.

A donut

That my brother helped me get cheerios down from the pantry because I can't reach that high right now.

My sister getting me curry

Curry in general (tearing up typing it right now)

Getting top surgery

As you can see, a lot of those are just weird shit to sob over for a solid 5-45 minutes.

I've also had a bunch of super weird dreams, and the biggest cause of that (aside from drugs and healing) is sleeping position and pre-existing conditions.

I have sleep paralysis, it's a chronic condition triggered by sleeping on my back, and unfortunately, when healing from top surgery, you have no choice but to sleep on your back for at least two weeks :D

So that's a thing to be wary of, if you deal with that.

Okay, that's all I got in terms of stuff that I haven't ever seen people talk about or even mention in regards to top surgery. So yeah.

Oh also, I have 2 (lightly used) GC2B tank binders to give away. One is trans pride colors, the other is a olive green. Size XL (ideal for folks with at least 38 C cup size) so if anyone is interested dm me :)

#transgender #trans ftm #ftm #trans pride #trans guys #trans masc #nonbinary #top surgery recovery #top surgery 👌#top surgery tips

169 notes · View notes

trailmixedup · 11 days

Text

OKAY! So!! I am one week post op from top surgery and here are the things I have learned:

• nothing prepares you for how fucking bloated you get. It is emotionally and physically devastating.

• eat protein or you’re going to start dreaming about it.

• get ready to literally not have any reading comprehension or speaking ability until you’re after the heavy pain med. and then after that as well…

• holy shit your back is gonna hurt. You can’t crack it. No twisting.

• you can’t use ice packs on your actual chest, but they’re lifesavers to sleep with- I put mine under my neck on my pillow to keep my neck from cramping.

• the pressure and tension on your chest is uncomfortable but not unbearable. Mostly it’s just annoying.

• you need pockets. Dear gods you NEED pockets.

• you do not want pants with a button. The button pants will not fit and it will make you sad. It’s just not even worth trying. Just have drawstring pants, it’s easier on the ego.

• wiping your ass is hard now. I’m sorry.

• blowing your nose hurts. Sneezing hurts. Coughing hurts. Laughing hurts. Just… avoid needing too much lung capacity all at once.

• If you have body hair prepare for your compression garments to hurt. My skin is so tender and painful all of the time. And there’s no break.

• if you keep your nipples you won’t be allowed to shower for 2 weeks. You’re going to start stinking. Have someone around you that is willing to wash your hair like how they wash babies hair. Also have rubbing alcohol so that you can neutralize your armpit stink because deodorant is off limits for your healing incisions.

• chapstick is not optional. You’re going to want it.

• same goes for a big cup with a well-sealed lid and a straw. Drink so much water.

• you’re going to feel helpless and useless. It sucks. It’s okay. Don’t push yourself.

• you’re going to want to wear pants with pockets to bed so you have somewhere to put your drains. You’ll be so tired that it doesn’t matter for the first couple days.

• you want the longest phone charger known to man. I promise. There is no such thing as too long.

• ask for the anti-nausea patch. You’re going to want it, and it lasts like 3 days. Throwing up HURTS.

• the healthier you can be before the surgery the easier your recovery is going to be. It isn’t fatphobic or stuck up or whatever else people say to lose excess weight and eat super clean before your surgery. Start moving your body every day. Start practicing going from sitting to standing and laying to standing without using your hands. Your body will reward effort to be healthy with safer surgery and easier healing.

• oh my god buy a serious laxative that you know works for you. Your body will literally forget how to shit.

• if you can, buy paper medical tape, gauze pads, and extra strength Tylenol. You will use them.

• plan to take naps. There is no weakness in a nap.

• get up and stretch your legs hourly. I promise it’s worth it. You will feel so much better.

• you’re going to want a hat or some sort of hair control.

• if the binder doesn’t fit you in the arm holes, you don’t have to let it chafe at your armpits and hurt like a mother fucker. Just cut the arm holes wider with a pair of scissors.

• have some sort of routine. You’ll fall apart otherwise.

• you’re going to be snippy and bitchy. Get ready to apologize for being an asshole. Short tempers happen, but don’t forget to say sorry.

• prepare yourself for all the random tape and other stuff to itch. You just have to grin and bear it. Things are so itchy.

That’s all I can think of right now, plus I’m sleepy. I will add to the list when I think of more ^_^

#online diary #top surgery #top surgery recovery #ftm #transmasc #post surgery

11 notes · View notes

fayes-fics · 1 year

Text

Lessons Applied: Opening Scene (WIP Extract)

This is the opening scene of part 5 of the Lessons series - as usual, it's an Anthony and Benedict threesome. But with a twist, that you see teased below. We are back in Regency times with this one. It takes place a few weeks after Lessons 3. And, as ever, is for @iboopedyournose

I’m publishing to give myself the FEAR to finish the fic. 😜😁

UPDATE: full fic now posted HERE

——

You are on the balcony observing Anthony Bridgerton as he effortlessly makes his social rounds at the latest soirée. Your bottom is still smarting a little from the riding crop he used on you last night.

There is movement behind you, and you know who it is by cologne alone. You can’t school the smile tugging at your lips.

“Can’t sit down yet?”

“Not comfortably. He was particularly harsh,” you reply dryly.

“Mmm, yes, I thought it a little excessive,” Benedict opines softly, drawing up next to you. “You should turn the tables; give him a taste of his own medicine,” he chuckles.

“Hah!” you laugh, glancing sideways to catch his handsome profile as he scans the crowd. “You are very droll.”

“I mean it. For the right person, he would be willing to cede control,” Benedict says quietly, not wanting your inappropriately intimate conversation to be heard by others milling in the vicinity.

“Really?” you feel sceptical about it. In all of your time with Anthony, he has been a classic dominant even before Benedict became part of your dynamic. But Benedict knows his brother much better than you.

Below, the master of ceremonies announces for everyone to gather in the gardens, and the balcony starts to thin out as people move towards the staircases.

“He’d only do it for someone he truly trusts. And I think that might be you,” Benedict’s tone is affectionate as you both track Anthony’s movements out of sight.

“Hmm, I’ll try it, on one condition,” your mouth ticks into an amused pout as you twist to face him.

He turns to face you as well, smirking in a bemused fashion. “Name it.”

“You help me,” you cross your arms and raise an eyebrow in challenge.

It is just the two of you left now on the balcony as the crowd files out of the French doors beneath.

He chuckles and then leans close, his lips near your cheekbone and his hands settle gently on your waist. “Do I have to submit to you too?” His voice is a teasing murmur.

“Do you want to?” you whisper back, touching his forearms.

“Hmm, maybe someday,” he offers thoughtfully, his fingers squeezing you gently. “But I think I’d prefer the privilege he had that first time we met. He got to do whatever he wanted to you, but I had rules. I want him to be the one under rules, and I get to do whatever I want.” He runs a thumb slowly down the front of your dress. “And I want him to watch as I destroy you, darling girl.”

You are panting at the thought of Anthony under your control as Benedict unleashes his full potential.

“God, yes,” you breathe, swaying close to his face, desperate to kiss him.

“Mmmm, not here, not now,” he intuits your desire, his breath hot on your face. “Save it for our session. Anticipation makes it so much sweeter, I find,” his voice almost an octave lower, his hand hovering over the junction of your thighs through your dress. “But if you need a little something to tide you over…” he adds, eyes glittering with menace.

You nod enthusiastically.

Double-checking that the entire room is empty now, he yanks your dress up and sneaks a hand under the hem. Somehow he expertly locates your clit and pinches it between his thumb and pointer finger. Hard. Almost painfully. You gasp, and your breath stutters.

“This is mine, do you hear me?” his tone utterly authoritative.

“Yes, sir,” you quiver.

“You do not have permission to touch it until our next session, understood?” he intones.

“Yes, sir.”

“Good girl,” he rumbles, and the fingers are gone before you can even register your thoughts.

He sucks them into his mouth, staring you down, watching your pupils dilate and your mouth open a fraction—he loves to tease you.

“I will know,” he warns, “just one look at you, and I will know if you disobeyed me.”

“What will you do if I disobey?” you whisper fervently.

“I would probably tie you down, worse than you will to Anthony, tease you until you screamed the damn walls down. Just keep taking you so close to the edge of bliss but not letting you over,” his deep voice a warning bell to behave.

“And If I’m a good, obedient girl?” you query, already breathless.

“I will make you come so many times you pass out,” his devastating crooked grin in full effect.

“Sir, you are dangerous,” you smile back.

“Says the woman willing to punish my brother,” he lobbies back playfully.

“Only if you help me,” you remind.

“Nothing will give me greater pleasure, my girl,” he assures lightheartedly, offering his arm to walk you outside to the festivities.

——

98 notes · View notes

hot-take-tournament · 7 months

Text

i'm not sure this is a hot take either because most people i've spoken to seem to agree, but i'm queueing and posting it out of spite because now i've actually used one everything op said is true

HOT TAKE TOURNAMENT!

PRELIMINARY #203

Submission 25

Idk about unpopular but for hill i will die on mine is 'Most college websites suck and its so stupid'

Yes, like college admin people, you have people literally with a degree in computer science and web design stuff right the fuck there, (grad students or 4th years who basiclly have most of the qualifications) if you're feeling greedy just make it extra credit, take 1,000 off the student that fixes it tuition that year, whatever, like please, the websites are so bad oh my gosh, whyyyy, they have outdated, contradictory information, they're hard to navigate, they're often unintuitive and have 8 diffrent pages about hosing all with diffrent info and why not just put it all on one housing page?!?!?!?!?!??!? I literally went on a rant about this for 2 hours straight once and will do it agian if given the chance, like why are they so bad, where is my tuition going buddy, we're not giving you 40k a year for you to tell us to look on the website for information that's not there or you find it and turns out it's from 5 years ago and actually they have a completely diffrent system now so it's gonna take another month to get it sorted out 🙃🙃🙃, if you wanna find something you wanna know what works better half the time? Google the thing with the school name on the end and look through the Google results, like how did they fail so bad that that's better??!?!!? I swear I wanna fist fight the college president over this shit if it means we'd get a website that actually works rigivcjvjcjfjrieosvpvpdlsnxjfididieiesicivixoekfjcj!!!!?!?!?fogivjdkdjcjxjsks

Propaganda is always encouraged!

Also, remember to reblog your favourite polls for exposure!

#hot take tournament #tumblr poll #tournament poll #tumblr tournament #hot take #tumblr bracket #unpopular opinion #college #university

29 notes · View notes

starscreamerfan · 5 months

Text

This was originally shared to the Transformers discord Im apart of but its so amazing fucking weird i decided to share ENJOY THE FREE NIGHTMARES!!

"Just jolted awake from deeply troubling yet oddly calm nightmare and i must share this abomination with you, so it started off with a spooky little island that was just a victorian house and rock (already sus) but under the house was a decepitcon slave mine where the Vehicons like shared the work with captured human slaves and G1 extra autobots (a bunch of no name background charaters) mining some shit (idk what) but then BAM! the dream jumps and I'm watching a small group of army dudes and a couple of autobot (Jazz, Prowl, Ratchet and it was either Prime or Ironhide tbh i said who and the nightmare said yes it could have been both) going to investigate the little island which is now super dark and spookily abandoned and they all go down into the mine and start seeing weird ass shit that looks like a meat bee nest (that disgusting rotten flesh hive I've seen float around social media) and then BAM HORRIBLE TRANSFORMERS/HUMAN/FLESH AMALGAMATION THATS LIKE 100% WORSE THEN ANYTHING RESIDENT EVIL, SILENT HILL OR DEAD SPACE COULD PUMP OUT and all the army humans get sucked in (cuz brain said fuck the canon fodder meat monster needs more meat) weird tentacles start dragging and melding with the poor nameless fools (like srsly they had no Business being there) and the autbots say FUCK THIS and run barely making it out and they lock that shit up faster then Blurr and take a fire lava baths to make sure they don't become some horrible fleshy nightmare horror monsters, que brain shoving in another time skip because dreams be like that, and some dumb ass human scientist person goes to the island and breaks into the mine (wearing a hazmat suit and a gas mask also dont ask i dont understand why they fine in just that its dream logic shit dont make any sense) and finds and a horrible optimus prime fusion meat mimic thing (but like its not the real OP like Daddy Optimus was safe) and the meat Optimus thing has become sentient and was somehow broke into pieces and was trying to rebuild its self slowly absorbing meat and forming it into a collective of different parts it remembered seeing (it was like meat optimus and several other autbots Frankenstein'd together) and so dumb ass cave diver science dude decides "I'm take it home and study it at my lab" and grabs the head which looks like a gross Meaty Optimus then i scene jump AGAIN to random Scientist dudes lab which it was a weird outdoor lab (no house in sight because brain didn't load anymore BG) in a giant tube science man had the mimic head and then he Proceeds to try to communicate with it, which seems to work (tho i couldn't hear what they were saying to each other) then the unholy flesh Optimus turns to face me where i was like floating watching everything go down passively the whole time being a third party watcher the this ungodly nightmare and it says in a SPOOKY FUCKING AMALGAMATED NIGHTMARE VOICE (WHICH I PHYSICALLY FUCKING HEARD!!)

W͕͕͎̭̜̰̘ͥ̂̈́ͣ͢ͅȦ̘̥͉̙̝͕͖͘K̵̲̩̟̣ͧ̓̂E̜̠͙̭ͮ͞ͅ ͔͖͙̤͕̞͎̯ͮ͌̀U̷̗̱̠ͧͦ̈́P͉̠͎̮̲͐̕

And i just jumped ten feet straight up in my bed and i swear i was having a heart attack and a panic attack all at the same timeIt was a definite "OH FUCK NO NO THANK YOU" moment"

(To those you i know on discord and here who saw this post on discord yes i did add more i noticed i missed some info at og time of posting that day and adding the missing bits maybe 20-30 mintues after the og discord post i was fucked up thinking about this hours after this nightmare ended)

19 notes · View notes

shepfax · 4 months

Text

combo of day 3 and 4 post-op journal

this one has a photo in it of my body post-op so viewer discretion is advised. there is no blood, sexual content, or overall frightening imagery but it is "raw" so to speak in that it's actively healing flesh so it'll be under the readmore.

so yesterday (Jan 7th) I got to take a shower for the first time since surgery. this was my first chance to see my chest uncovered and when I tell you I legitimately could not be happier I mean it. my surgeon is apparently a fucking master human sculptor (my primary doc said today that she's typically on task for cis people's cosmetic procedures anyway) and she gave me a body that really, truly looks the way I always knew it should.

look at that. a fucking masterpiece. incisions lovingly shaped under my natural chest wall, nipples realistically placed, it's just organic enough to look symmetrical without actually being so, which is exactly how I wanted it for fear of looking artificial. it's soft, not flat, just like me, and it's mine. it's truly, honestly beautiful to me.

also I got a note that the pathology was normal on the tissue they removed and it confirmed that I lost 3.35 lbs of dysphoric meat. big win for me.

the showering itself was low-key awful though I'll be real with you all. removing the soft dressings from my bolsters and drains (which I was instructed to do I promise) made me all the more aware of them and while the bolsters are 100% numb the sensation of the drains made me almost faint it was so viscerally offensive. I sat in the shower and my wife helped me wash my head, arms, and back for as long as I could handle being out of the compression vest. putting it all back on was fine but then it was like. you know how you pack a suitcase perfectly before a trip and then you can never get all the shit you brought to fit the same way back into the suitcase? it feels kinda like that. ever since I unwrapped everything and re-wrapped it, I am suddenly slightly more aware of it's presence and it sucks ass. the drain outputs keep pinging me with a gnarly little itch of pain and the shower dressings I wore over the bolsters ripped out a bunch of my chest hair and those areas are itchy as fuck now. grrr

for physical activity I tried some of the neck/arm exercises the doc sent me and went with my mom to the grocery, picking up scar care gel for future use.

a friend of my family sent me not one, not ten, but a pack of 24 silly straws as a get well gift. I have aggregated 23 of them into a vase as the world's silliest bouquet and use one to stay hydrated.

today (Jan 8th) I took it very easy, with a small breakfast, a big hefty nap and a virtual appointment with my primary doctor for medication recheck on my hormones. she was very happy to hear about my experience with my surgeon and plans to recommend her to others in the future. big moment: I made myself lunch for the first time since surgery (literally just a banana cut in half with some peanut butter in the middle)! activity was only a short walk around the neighborhood with my dad, both because I was exhausted from poor sleep and because it was cold & windy.

tomorrow is my first post-op appointment with the surgical team and I believe it's the day I get my bolsters off but I could be wrong. we shall see what the future brings😀

#shep talks #surgery tag #top op journal

5 notes · View notes