#this one hits a little too hard rn but i hope it helps someone

[bakubunny]

bkg x reader comfort fluff

not tagging the gremlins bc tagging a bunch of you on smth like this feels like too much.

tw: sudden hair loss, insecurity, showering together, f!reader, aged up characters, established relationships

You stood in front of the bathroom mirror with a brush in your hand, a mix of panic and despair overwhelming your features. Katsuki caught the look on your face as he passed by the open door and stopped.

“What’s wrong?” His tone sounded harsh and impatient, but after twelve years of marriage, you knew better.

You lifted your other hand to show him the wad of hair you’d pulled out of the brush after a few passes, lip quivering as a painful lump grew in your throat. He took both from your hands and pulled you into a crushing hug. A broken sob left your chest.

“I’m s-scared and I don’t know w-what’s going on,” you cried.

“I know,” he said quietly.

You wanted to push him away just like you wanted to push away the bubbling, knotted pain in the pit of your belly. But pushing yourself out of his grasp would have been an impossible task.

“I feel so ugly. I don’t want you to touch me,” you said.

Katsuki’s grip got tighter as he kissed you on the head. “You’re not ugly. You’re the same beautiful girl, and your hair ain’t gonna change that.”

“Y-you don’t understand,” you replied.

At thirty-five, he understood hair loss in one sense; his own had slowly started to thin a few years back before he’d seen a dermatologist to address it. But this was different.

At first, you weren’t sure it was happening. Then one day, you ran a hand through your hair, and it was all but falling off of your scalp. More hair came out as time passed. In just weeks, you looked noticeably different.

Katsuki felt helpless. Perhaps not as helpless as you in this moment, but there were many things even the number two hero couldn’t fix or save you from. He couldn’t do much other than be by your side and give comfort, reassurance that of course he still loved you and wanted you. He pulled away enough to lift your chin; the greasy, unkempt state of your half brushed hair only served to break his heart further.

“No, I don’t understand. But my love for you ain’t gonna disappear after all this time just cause you look different. You’re still the same pretty little thing I can’t wait to come home to. I didn’t marry your hair, sweetheart. I married you,” Katsuki said.

You nodded. You knew he was telling the truth, but it wasn’t an easy one to accept.

“Let’s get you showered, hmm?” he continued. “I’ll get in with you. Pamper you like a princess ‘til you’re all nice and clean.”

The pained look in your eye was begging him not to make you do it, but it had to happen. You nodded again anyways.

And so, he did. Under the warmth of the shower and the warmth of his embrace, you faced the uncertainty of what was to come once again as he washed you clean from head to toe. You stayed with him while he showered, peppering one another with stolen kisses and a soft touch. Talking about life, about anything other than the thing that brought you here. Making silly jokes. Taking the time to remind each other that this was a moment, and you had so many more good ones left to share.

#this one hits a little too hard rn but i hope it helps someone #bye fam #ilysm mwah #I didn’t edit this whatsoever so excuse typos and whatnot #tw hair loss #aged up characters #pro!bakugou #husband!bakugou #bakugou katsuki #bakugo katsuki #x reader #bnha x reader #bakugou x reader #bakubunny

[inkdrinkerworld]

going through some breakup blues rn😞😞😞

could i please have smth w dealer!remus?? maybe she’s had a shit week so she goes to buy and her and remus hangout and he finally makes a move on her

miss my boy (dealer!rem) ((and also my ex pls help me💀))

aw babe im sorry you broke up :(( i hope this lifts your spirits a little

remus stops breathing for a short second when you walk into his apartment that doubles as his dispensary. he's sure sirius had let you in on his way out and he finds that he doesn't mind.

not when you're wearing his jumper from the last time you were over and a mini skirt that makes your legs look stunning to him.

"remmy, i need three pre-rolls, please." you slump down into his sofa, head dropping to his lap with a familiar ease that makes both your hearts jump.

you'd always been affectionate with remus, but it had been hard determining what was okay and what wasn't at first. he'd hardly smiled when you did anything flirty or flambouyant, then you had learnt his little tells.

like now, his hand pets your head and then falls to your shoulder. a light pressure and heat that bleeds into your skin.

"three? you usually only take two," another tell. he's always listening, always picking up on what it is you're saying even if you don't think it's super obvious. "is something wrong?"

anyone watching you now would think remus is being his usual self, but his eyebrows are a little too close for it to be regular concern. you're sure if you told remus someone was messing with you he'd sort them out even if he said nothing in the moment.

you sigh, shutting your eyes when his fingers follow the curve of your neck to the back of your head. "just school and work. think i need a breather this weekend." you say it all in one breath, relaxing into remus even more when he begins applying pressure to the base of your skull.

"how about you share mine with me and i give you two to take home?" remus pulls a pre-roll from his pocket and holds it out to you. "i'll give you the majority," he dangles the offer in your face and you smile.

"okay," remus lights it for you, taking the initial drag before handing it off to you. "thanks remmy."

you only sit up halfway, leaning into remus as you take hit after hit. your eyes go droopy, head feeling heavier and lighter at the same time as you pass of the quarter of the blunt that's left to remus.

"you wanna talk about it?" he asks around the blunt, watching you lay your head back into his lap and reach for the soft blanket that remus keeps on his sofa.

"not much to say, everyone thinks i'm disposable and that i'm just good for sex. it can wear you down." the way you say it makes remus frown.

"that's not all you're good for," he says it with enough conviction that your eyes set on him. "you're not just sex and those people are knobheads for thinking that."

you give remus a smile, a bright smile that makes his heart warm. he can't really imagine people only seeing you for your body, you're an incredibly astonishing person outside of that. but he knows how people think, and he's more sorry than anything else that you were victim to that thinking.

"i know you don't think that remmy, you're one of the best guys i know." you kiss the wrist of the hand that's back to working at the base of your neck.

"really?" he stubs out the blunt as he looks down at you, pulling the blanket higher up your hips as he sinks lower into the sofa.

"yes really, i know you wouldn't act like they did. i know you respect me."

remus smiles a bright smile even for him. both corners of his lips pull up even if only a touch.

"of course i do, you're the best person i know too dovey." he kisses your forehead before laying his head back against the sofa.

"do you think we'd date remus?" you ask after a couple beats of silence.

his breath hitches and he hopes you don't feel it. "maybe i'm waiting till i get a reservation to take you out," you twist in his lap, sitting up quickly. the movement causes your skirt to bunch up and remus brushes it down flat as you lean into him.

it causes remus to lean back, back pressed into the sofa as you hover over him. "you're going to take me out somewhere fancy?"

he laughs then, soft and low but it still sounds happy and like remus. "i can't take a pretty girl like you just anywhere, can i? gotta show you off, dovey." he pulls you over him completely, letting you lay on him. the blanket covers you both soon after.

"you're nicer than you let people think remmy," you rub your face into the his chest, nose breathing in his pine and mint scent that's fogged up with a little smoke.

"get some sleep, i think your memory is murky." you laugh softly in his chest, especially when remus pinches your hip. it's different being with remus, he's earnest in everything he does concerning you and it feels good- to be acknowledged in the way that he acknowledges you.

#remuslupin #remus lupin #dealer!remus #dealer!remus lupin #remus lupin fanfiction #remus lupin one shot #remus lupin imagine #remus lupin drabble #remus lupin fluff #remus lupin fic #remus lupin blurb #remus lupin x reader #remus lupin x black!reader #remus lupin x you #remus lupin x yn

[xxzlushiez]

Can you do tom x f!reader who's in the band and they were always like bestfriends no feelings for eachother or anything but as they get older like around 2007/08 he starts to realize he's totally in love w/ reader and tries to get rid of his feelings by sleeping w/ a bunch of girls but nothing helps because he can only think of reader? And they end up going to a party together and having fun and shii and then they end up on a balcony outside just drinking out of solo cups totally plastered and tom confesses to reader and kisses her but reader is super shocked and surprised and doesn't really know what to say so she doesn't kiss him back and just stares at him, and he doesn't take it very well he's just like "...oh.." and then gets up and reader tries to stop him and he's like "no, no I'm just gonna go back to the party" and stumbles out w/ a broken heart but in reality reader liked him back too but didn't know she did until he confesses so over the next few weeks she realizes how much she's in love with him and she goes to his room to tell him all romantic and shit and they end up having soft sex (or not wtv you're comfortable with) ty sm!! I love your writing btw!

EEEHHHH THIS IS SO CUTE IM SO EXCITED TO DO THIS (and tysm for the compliment❤️)

Miscommunication

T! Kaulitz x F! Reader

Synopsis: you and Tom have always been good friends, but he realizes he wants to be more..what’ll happen when those feelings don’t falter?

Notes: 18+, Name is in the band, flashbacks to ‘Devilish’, drinking, getting drunk, concerts, parties, jealousy, talks of unrequited feelings, Tom being a attention whore💀, insecurities, platonic! Bill x reader, oral, soft sex, underlying sub! Tom (I hate using that word but idk how else to describe it???)

A/N:tysm Anon for requesting and I hope this lives up to your expectations, I decided to right this in normal style instead of bullet points, I hope you don’t mind. This is was frustrated I wanted to get it out on the 3rd😭 bro this is a few days later and it took so long because i just hate the way it turned out im so pissed at myself rn

“I act like I don’t care, that’s cause I don’t care”

For as long as you’ve lived you and Tom have stuck together like glue, you lived a few streets away but being one of the only kids their age in the neighborhood it was hard for you to not gravitate towards them.

You guys weren’t exactly alike, but more like you complimented each other, he was all brash and broody like almost every other boy going through puberty and you were kind and sweet always helping whenever it was needed.

Soon you were invited into a band that consisted of two other troublemaking kids you hadn’t met yet, you traveled around to small talent shows and state fairs to perform music. It was a rough start; you weren’t popular by any means and were made fun of for what you liked to do.

It didn’t get to you like it got to Tom yet you let him rant and yell about it to you because you knew, along with everyone else, that it was just a matter of time before you five would be praised for your talents instead of bullied.

And you were, your band became a hit, Devilish became Tokio Hotel, garage performances became studio practices, and backyard shows slowly became country-wide concerts. Tom also changed, from a little boy who would yell at anyone who messed with his friends to a teen that couldn’t even bother with people hating.

It was different, you were all different, but it was a good difference. Bill became confident, Tom became more open, Gustav wasn’t shy, and Georg was well…Georg was amazing to begin with, it just doubled. The few fans that consisted of you guy’s parents and a few old neighbors became thousands, girls and boys alike paid to come and watch the five of you perform live.

When 2009 rolled around you were known across all of Germany and a few other countries. You couldn’t have been more successful, as the years progressed Tom morphed into someone completely different. Everyone knew of his reputation, a boy who had a new girl in his car every day.

You guys didn’t drift per se, but you didn’t talk about all the things like you used to. That was okay, some things are better left unsaid, but it was weird. You both used to talk to each other about everything and it just changed so suddenly it left you confused for a while.

But you learned to accept the fact that he wasn’t the same and took advantage of that time to get closer to the rest of the band, especially Bill. He became your number 1, always there with you whether it be shopping to helping you get ready. This was one of those instances where you ended up in your shared hotel room with him and Tom.

“This is going to look really good on your Name I promise!”

You let Bill practice his makeup skills on you, a little hesitant at first because of the particular style but when you saw how his face lit up when you agreed you couldn’t say no. Bill also said the style suited you perfectly.

Tonight, was particularly special compared to other nights. It was a large party hosted by a company in celebration of Tokio Hotel’s rise to fame. Bill made it a goal to doll you up in fancy lipstick and glittery eyeshadow before leaving, which Tom wasn’t too keen on.

“Bill hurry up the party starts in like 20 minutes.”

You looked over a Tom from the corner of your eye. He was sprawled out on your bed flicking through the channels on the hotel’s tv. He was already ready and had been ready for at least an hour now.

“Be patient Tommy not everyone can just wear whatever they find on the floor.”

Bill let out a laugh when he saw how offended his brother got at your insult before turning back and applying pretty shade to your lips.

“Tom wah wah hurry up the party starts in 20 minutes blah blah blah!”

He mocked his brother in a high-pitched voice before pulling his brother from the bed and onto the hard floor with a thump! grabbing your hand and running out of the room leaving him behind as you laugh.

“What the fuck you two! Get back here, I’m literally your ride to the party!”

———

The party was boring if you were being honest. But that was probably just you. There was no one you knew except the band and some celebrities and they were all doing their own thing so you were stuck lying on one of the many plush sofas the company had lying around.

Your eyes trailed over to Tom as he walked towards you, handing you a vibrant red solo cup while he settled himself next to you on the couch, moving your legs to lay comfortably over his lap while you stared at the contents of the cup.

“What’re you doing just sitting here? You’re always in the mood to party.”

He was right, you loved to party. It was one of the only times you could let loose when on tour. Today you just weren’t feeling it like you usually were.

“I don’t know, I think it’s the fact that I ordered a Pina Colada and got vodka. But who knows.”

He hummed as he absentmindedly observed the area. Tom had an unusual habit of wanting to be around you but never talking, preferring silence, it never bothered you so you let your head lay against the armchair swirling the drink around in your hand as you observed him.

He was never really good at taking your compliments, always avoiding them in some way with a “What’re you talking about?” Or the “Name just shut the fuck up”. You figured it had to do with the whole ‘I’m too cool for compliments’ thing he had going on, but it never stopped you from slipping up and saying something every once in a while.

“You're so beautiful Tom” and he was, honestly. His eyes reflected the neon lights that flashed above giving him that euphoric effect, the curves and dips of his face were perfectly sculpted to him. His true smile was so unbelievably cute, one that only you and the band had the pleasure of seeing, and his laugh…oh my god his laugh. You were definitely drunk. Whatever.

He gave you a quick side eye at the sudden praise before getting up and grabbing the cup out of your hand successfully spooking you.

“Let’s go smoke.”

‘Let’s go smoke’ was usually his way of saying “you're being annoying, let's get high” but you nodded and took his waiting hand as he led you through the busy crowd and out some double doors.

When out on the fairly sized balcony he grabbed a joint from out of one of the side pockets on his pants, while you flicked open your lighter that you had found stuffed under some gum and candy wrappers in your handbag.

He always enjoyed it when you smoked together, the delicate flame illuminated your face just enough to see the features that he’d always admired. Maybe that’s why he hated it when you complimented him, because he always wanted to do the same but couldn’t. 

Nervousness wasn’t something he felt. There was no reason for him to be nervous. Nerves were for insecurity, anxiousness, that was bullshit to him, well until it came to you, and that oh so familiar feeling bubbled up in his stomach when you looked at him under the dim light.

He concluded that he had a thing for you pretty early on, when he was about 16. One time you pulled a fan on stage that you told the band you found particularly attractive. Bill teased you and Georg and Gustav laughed as you all made your way to the bus, but he stayed back. Deciding that the pit in his stomach wasn’t jealousy like he thought it might be and just that natural protective feeling for a friend.

He didn’t want to think about the possibility that he liked you. You’d always been best friends and that was how it was supposed to say. He remembers how Bill would always tell him “Being best friends with someone like Name isn’t a good idea” because he wouldn’t wanna be just friends. Bill was right and that scared him.

After that realization he took notice of who he gravitated towards in hookups, they all looked in some way, like you. He thought it was weird. It wasn’t like he selectively picked out the ones with similar features as you…right?

“-Tom, are you listening? Pass the joint you hog”

You plucked the blunt from his hand and he stared as you inhaled some of it, releasing the air into his face, looking at him with a weird expression. You watched him stride forward and suddenly his lips were pressed against yours.

You pulled away after a few antagonizing seconds and hesitantly looked at him. You saw the way his face dropped, probably realizing what he just did. Shit.

“Tom I... you're drunk. It’s fine, okay? You won’t remember this in the morning let’s just...let’s just go home, okay?”

That nerve quickly turned into frustration as he rolled his eyes turning towards the entrance and muttering something under his breath before pushing through the doors back into the party, leaving you alone on the cold balcony with a burnt out joint and heart.

———

It had been a few weeks since the incident on the balcony, and you concluded that he did remember it the day after as he wouldn’t talk or even be around you alone. It was fine at first, but by the time the second week rolled around it was starting to affect everyone else. 

His performance was slower than normal, and he brought more girls to the hotel who unsurprisingly leaked where he was were staying and crowded around the hotel to catch a glimpse of the five of you.

He was being so unprofessional; he didn't give you time to voice your feelings about what happened and just up and left you in the dark. Like how do you even bring that up?

“Hey Tom, yeah I know that I didn’t kiss you back even though you totally unexpectedly pounced on me and it looked like I rejected you because I thought you were full-on plastered but like I’m in love with you so could you stop ignoring me?”

Yeah, that’s a no. So, you just endured it for a while until he decided to lay off. That point happened around the 3-week mark when the band was on a small break from tour.

He made it his goal to stay inside his room the whole time, sulking as Bill told you. You were at ends meet, if he couldn’t just talk to you about it like adults then you would have to do it yourself.

This leads up to the moment where you’re standing in front of his door contemplating all your life choices.

Crrrrrreeeakkk

Are you serious, the one time you were hesitant about your decision he just had to open the door and make it for you?

“Name?”

“Hey, Tom uhh..can we talk about the party?” This is so awkward. What the fuuck.

He stood there hesitant for a second before opening up the door for you to come in. You ducked under his arm and situated yourself at the edge of his bed as he stared at you from the doorway.

“Okay um..so I’ve been thinking a lot about that moment and I just wanted to ask you something.”

He gave you a small nod of acknowledgment and you continued. 

“Do you like me? Like I don’t know if the reason you kissed me was just heat of the moment and you just got upset because you were drunk and your feelings were all mixed or something but I really want us to go back to normal…I miss you a lot and it's weird not seeing you at our practices”

You watched him closely for any signs of discomfort but his face was unwavering except for a light smile at your words easing your nerves only a little.

“I like you; I’ve liked you for years And Scheiße I miss you too but don’t wanna be just your friend anymore and if that changes things between us just forget about this whole thing”

You smiled softly walking towards him and cupping his face with your hands, bringing your lips to his feeling him relax into you. 

His breath caught in his throat when you grazed your fingers against the front of his pants, slightly palming him through the jeans when he abruptly pulled your hand away.

“Name I wanna do this with you…but I don’t wanna have sex like I normally do. I want it to mean something because you really mean something, I just don’t know how”

“Let me show you, Tom.”

——

Tom groaned when your lips pressed against his pelvis, muscles flexing underneath you at the feeling. You hummed in contentment before coming back up to him and giving him a quick kiss and taking off his boxers.

He’d never had someone take their time on him, it was foreign, different, you looked so pretty as you toyed with his cock. Seeing what made him shiver and what gave him goosebumps. 

Laying your tongue flat you licked a thick strip up the underside of his dick watching the way his eyes roll back in pleasure.

“Mhm…just- just like that Name please mhm…keep going.”

Voice slightly weak, he begged you to continue, not like you’ve ever heard and it encouraged you to continue, hands slick with his precum you stroked him at a controlled pace, squeezing slightly at the head hearing his soft curses get louder.

“Let’s empty that brain of yours ‘mkay?”

While you made yourself comfortable on top of him you felt his hips shift under you, his hands finding place on your hips. You align yourself with his cock, sliding down and listening to the way he mutters your name like a prayer as his cock disappears inside you.

“Shit this is much better than I ever imagined… s’much better...” his eyes raked your body seeing his hips met your thighs. You push down on his legs to keep him steady and use them as leverage to grind against him. Not even minutes later did his quiet concealed groans turn into gasps and random obscenities.

Seeing your pace begin to slow he flips himself over taking you with him, letting your legs rest flush against his shoulders next to his ears. He experimentally rocks his hips finding a comfortable rhythm, laying his hand flat on your stomach feeling at the bulge.

Now it was your turn to be a noisy mess, covering your face with a pillow in an attempt to muffle yourself but it was quickly discarded somewhere on the floor by Tom.

“Don’t- don’t do that- you look so pretty writhing under me like that, I could stare at you all day…shit shit shit.. if you keep tightening around me, I won’t last long...”

You smiled as you looked up at him. His eyes were closed tight and his jaw was clenched tight, focused on how you squeezed around him. You let your hand travel to his face tracing his features. His eyes opened at the touch and he sucked in his breath, feeling his high approaching.

 You were glowing, your hair fanned out on the bed, your eyes slightly glassy from his pace, sweat collecting on your hairline, suddenly every part of him felt so sensitive and his lips connected with yours before his hips stuttered letting out a guttural moan making sure you had ridden through your orgasm.

You cried out in his neck holding him against you as he continued for a little longer before coming to a halt, collapsing on top of you. Holding you against him in a vice grip. 

“I love you Name, a lot”

#tumblr #x reader #bill #georg #gustav #tom #tokio hotel #tokio hotel x reader #bill kaulitz #angst #kaulitz twins #writing #tom kaulitz #fluff #drabble #fanfic #headcanons #tom kaulitz x reader #tom Kaulitz smut #tom kaulitz fanfic #georg listing #tokio hotel fanfic

[pancakes4two]

SCANDALOUS GF IG PT 2 RN 💳💥💳!!💳💥!!

HI HI HI sorry it took me literally forever to do a part 2. hope this is worth the wait!!

PART ONE | MASTERLIST | TALK TO ME

people

100,211 likes

people You know I love you, babe.

Harry Styles and girlfriend Y/N L/N pack on the PDA after being spotted on a lunch date in Malibu. This comes just two weeks after the pair stirred up controversy for collaborating on a lingerie collection for Styles’ brand Pleasing. Hit the link in our bio for more.

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harryfan3 conveniently kissing in the middle of the street in front of a bunch of paps, nice

harryfan2 i don’t like who she’s turning him into.

harryfan1 this plus that childish ass ig post she uploaded last week? yikes

harrystan5 guys… can we please go back to having some class

harrygirl1 and we thought the olivia yacht pics were bad😭 now he’s making out in broad daylight

yourinstagram

Liked by harrystyles, emrata and 76,429 others

yourinstagram all i have to say

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emrata exactly 👏👏👏

yourbff at the end of the day she’s thriving

harrystyles 🖤

yourinstagram luuuuuuuuuuuv you 💋💋

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harryflorals

80,827 likes

harryflorals Harry recently followed model Emrata on Instagram!

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harryfan1 uh

harryfan3 randomly???

harryfan4 i mean she’s not the greatest but i’d prefer her to y/n🫢

harrystan1 don’t get your hopes up😭 she’s like BFFs with y/n

harryforever he’s going on her podcast i have a friend who helps produce it lol

harryfan8 and what exactly does harry have to say on emrata’s podcast😭😭 that’s so random

emrata

Liked by yourinstagram, deuxmoi and 1,934,283 others

emrata Today on High Low w/ Emrata! I chat with Harry Styles about double standards and the difficulty of trying to correct a media narrative. Spoiler alert: he’s not too appreciative about the social media witch-hunt that’s currently directed at his girlfriend. Stream using the link in my bio.

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harryfan1 oh no. oh no. OH NO

harryfan7 i listened to the full hour podcast so y’all don’t have to lol. he basically told us to fuck off in the nicest way possible. when i get back home i’ll comment some direct quotes here

harrystan UHHHHHHHHHHH

harryfan7 he said: “It’s obviously hard when you’ve been in the public eye for so long, and people start to feel like you have some sort of obligation to them, or that they somehow know you on a deeply personal level and can dictate what you are or aren’t supposed to do. And that’s not to say everyone is guilty of falling into that mindset—certainly the vast majority of the internet displays nothing but kindness and grace. But I would be lying if I said it wasn’t disappointing to see the public reaction to… certain things lately. It’d be nice if those corners of social media could show a little more compassion, especially towards someone I love.”

harryfan9 honestly he has a point. like i’m definitely guilty of being harsh towards his gfs in the past but hearing him say that really put things into perspective for me

harryfan10 meh still think she’s problematic. yeah maybe we don’t know harry on a deeply personal level 🙄 but we’ve been fans of him for so many years and we know he typically doesn’t act like how he does with her. why is it wrong for us to comment on that?

harry’s instagram story:

TAGLIST: @crazygirlinthisworld @grapejuice-rry @b-reads-things @s8tellite @michellekstyles @vrittivsanghavi @alienorknight @flwrmuse

#harry styles #harry styles imagine #harry styles x y/n #harry styles x you #harry styles x reader #harry styles fic #harry styles fake ig #harry styles fake instagram #harry styles fanfiction #harry styles social media #harry styles fanfic #harry styles fic rec #harry styles headcanon #harry styles fanfic rec #harry styles fanfiction rec #harry styles rec #harry styles fluff #harry styles angst

[fairycosmos]

I'm sorry to do this bc I know you get so many ppl venting and you have your own shit to deal with and yet ppl on here constantly implicitly ask you to console them which is incredibly emotionally labour intensive. However all that being said. I found out my cat who is 9 but is very young looking and active and shows no sign of pain or suffering has large cell lymphoma (general prognosis 6-9 months) and I'm literally broken. She's my best friend. I've been through years where I've had no friends but I've always had her and she's everything to me and I've known a lot of cats who live to late teens so I had expected that for her and this has come out of nowhere and is just so soul destroying because she is my whole world and I love her so so much. she's literally saved my life (have been at the point of kms so many times but didn't for her) and now she probably wont be here next year and I don't know how to keep existing without her and I didn't know who else to tell. I really appreciate your kind and honest presence on this site it's very cleansing and healing and ik this is a parasocial thing to say/feel but you are like a friend to so many. so thanks. even just having a space to say this stuff is invaluable. You have helped and comforted and offered love and insight to so many people despite your own suffering. Much love to you, I hope the universe treats you with lots of kindness going forward.

i am so so sorry to hear this - sometimes i honestly can't believe how cruel life can be. i wish there was something tangible i could say that would make a change to what you're feeling but my experience with grief (all types of grief esp preemptive grief like what you're dealing with) has proven to me that words often ring hollow when you're going through it. i do want to offer some understanding and some comfort despite that, i just know it may be hard for you to register right now and that's alright. losing a pet is so so deeply painful and it's completely normal to be devastated and taken aback by this news - anyone would be. at the same time it sounds like your cat is deeply lucky to have you and to be loved so completely by someone. while what you're both going through is horrific, i am so glad she has you to take care of her and that she ended up having a wonderful life with you - the gift you have given her and continue to give her every day just by being her owner is huge and i hope you continue to remind yourself that as you confront there next few months. she is warm and fed and taken care of and she has the best chance of living longer with her condition bc of the care and love you continue to show her. i know this is much much easier said than done but please try to take it one day at a time and make every moment count with her - it's easy to get lost in the idea of losing her but she is still here and you still have time together, albeit not as much time as you both deserve. i can't stand how much of a gamble of luck everything seems to be and how horrible things happen to ppl and animals who truly deserve so much more - that anger, despair and incredulity still hits me day after day and i feel it very hard on your behalf rn. you have every right in the world to process that sense of feeling like your soul has been destroyed on whatever timeline works for you. as long as you continue to move forward, hour to hour or minute to minute despite it all.

are you able to talk to any friends/family about this? i only ask bc pet loss is one of the hardest things in the world to go through and i think having some sort of super system could make the days feel a little more manageable. if not, please feel free to message me and share updates, stories, vents etc about your cat and how you're doing - i lost my childhood dog a few yrs back and i do understand. it's such a heavy feeling to carry around with you all the time. i would also recommend joining a pet loss support group as another option too, bc so so many people sadly completely get what youre going through. i hope your little girl is doing OK today and that you are taking care of yourself as much as you feel able to as you process this news. if you need to break down, go to sleep, scream, punch pillows, be numb - that's alright. there's no wrong way to react to this. i just hope you give yourself some grace as you do. sending so so much love to you both - and thank you so much for the insanely kind words by the way. you didn't have to say that and it really made my night better that you did. so sorry you're in this position. X

#anon #ask chloe

[nogenderbee]

Hello! May I request the last letters of Toya's fluff alphabet? If its not a problem, the reader can use male pronouns? Tyy! Have a good day!

Of course you can! I know it took me a while but hey I'm back! I have a bit of work with school and private life rn but I'm managing so it's good ^^ Anyway hope you like it <3

♡˗ˏ✎*ೃ˚ 𝔽𝕝𝕦𝕗𝕗 𝔻, 𝔾, 𝕁, 𝕃, 𝕄, ℙ, 𝕌 ₊˚ˑ༄

*ੈ✩‧₊˚ Toya D, G, J, L, M, P, U fluff alphabet

*ੈ✩‧₊˚ pure fluff

*ੈ✩‧₊˚ @bleachtheidiot @yulikesminori @miya-akane @toyaswif3y (not tagging you since you'll get notif either way)

✧ Distance ═ They are in long distance relationship. How do they act in it? Do they have any plans for meeting their lover?

As we know, Toya's not the best with words so long distance relationship isn't necessarily his cop do tea... but then again, he does love you so he has to be happy with that.

He'll try talking more often and eventually you'll understand his way of speaking which is nice! Silly I think quiet dates would be quite common for you but it's actually great way of relaxing! Heck, this man can even read you anything you want to sleep!

As for you to meeting... he probably will have to wait untill he turns to an adult since there's no way his that would let him just visit you. So either that or you'd have to go and meet him yourself! Once you do meet tho, you can be sure that first thing he does is kiss you on the cheek since he wants to leave kiss on lips for your official real date~

"...and that's how little rabbit- oh? Are you really asleep? Well sleep tight, talk to you tomorrow. Love you~"

✧ Gesture ═ What are their gestures of love? How do they show their lover their love? And how would they like their lover to show love to them?

Toya shows you how much he cares about you with acts of service. He thinks that there's no better way to show his love than going out of his way to do things for you. You could just ask him anything and he'd be sure to get it done for you! If he's going to practice with his group, he'll get it done before or after it, but when he does something alone, he'll stop anything he might be doing just to help you out!

As for receiving, it's enough for him if you spend as much time with him as you can you tube won't say no to acts of service either! He likes to know that you like spending time with him and show it by being around him for biggest part of the day.

"I'm more than happy to do anything for you. All you need to do is tell me what you need and I'll get it done as soon as possible."

✧ Jealousy ═ What makes them jealous? How easy it is to make them jealous? And how do they act?

Toya actually doesn't get much jealous often, but he can be like that! For example, he won't necessarily be affected by someone trying to hit on you as he fully trusts your choices and that you won't leave him. It's flirting or being way too sweet from your side that can worry him... if you're flirting back with someone or are clearly hitting on them, he'll start being a bit jealous.

But he's not actually mad or anything like that when he's jealous, in fact he's more sad when he is. He feels like he's not good enough for you or that he didn't try hard enough... so if it was just a simple misunderstanding, just offer this boy a bit of comfort and I'm sure he'll forgive you! But if it happens often... he may not...

"Love... I'm sorry to assume that but... are you getting tired of me? Or did I do something wrong?"

✧ Lazy ═ How do they spend lazy days with their lover?

Your lazy days with Toya are actually pretty sweet! When you two have absolutely no energy to do anything, he'll let you lay on his arm or lap and play with your hair, or he'll lay on your lap or shoulder if you prefer! He may just put a movie or something in the background but it's most likely you'll be on your phone or reading a book.

Speaking of books... he actually may read you one of them! Especially if it's something interesting! And I like to believe he's actually really good at reading and his voice is so calming when he does that so if you fall asleep easier to someone's reading, he's the person for you!

"Would you like to lay in mw shoulder? I can see your eyes start to close... I don't really mind you falling asleep on me."

✧ Mail ═ How often do they text or call their lover? And why they do so?

Toya actually texts you rarely... not because he doesn't want to but because he doesn't see the need for it when you two can talk in person.

If you're the type to exchange morning or goodnight messages, he won't mind doing it and quickly finds it cute. But his usual reasons for texting you is something really important or simple check-up on you to make sure you're alright.

His usual reason of texting is inviting you on a date, reminding you of something, doing quick revise before a test for you, and so on. No matter what the reason is, it's never something stupid to just take your time.

"<Hello, are you free after classes? I'd like to treat you to the cafe nearby if you don't mind.>"

✧ Perfect ═ What would their perfect date look like?

Toya's perfect date would include you two being close together physically and with a little of talking. It's not that he feels uncomfortable or doesn't want to talk with you, he just enjoyes the idea of being able to enjoy each other's company in silence and with simple actions like rubbing the back of your hand in circles with his thumb.

So perfect idea would be cafe date or a library date if you're someone who might get uncomfortable by sitting in silence with cafe. If you choose cafe, he might accidentally keep the eye contact so it's better to choose this option when the two of you are really comfortable around each other. But if you choose library date, he'll be happy to tell you few of his favorite titles or read ones you recommended him! You both have something to do then so silence shouldn't be uncomfortable even if your relationship is still something new.

"You don't mind us just being quiet, do you? I don't really think words are this necessary to show how important you and this date is to me."

✧ Unlucky ═ What was the moment when they were trying to say or do something but someone or something interrupted them?

Toya was just trying to be a bit romantic when the two of you were getting a drink at Weekend Garage. You visited him during his practice so he wanted to at least buy you a drink! Of course, he knew your favorite drink by heart and when he was just about to respond on "How did he knew it was your favorite" with something lovey dovey, An interrupted him. Of course she had no idea that he wanted to be romantic so it was pure accident. And it wasn't the worst either... it still was lovey dovey! It's just that he didn't say that...

"He talks about you all the time! I bet he remembers other small details as well!"

﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌

#project sekai #colorful stage #project sekai colorful stage #x reader #project sekai x reader #colorful stage x reader #project sekai colorful stage x reader #toya aoyagi #toya aoyagi x reader #project sekai toya aoyagi #project sekai toya x reader #fluff #project sekai fluff #alphabet #fluff alphabet

[infinite-orangepeel]

a list of friendly reminders for all my fellow fic writers (bc i’m struggling rn and need to hear these myself):

it’s okay to take a break/let yourself rest. you don’t need an excuse ! if you’re tired, lay down. you can always write more when you have more energy (hot tip: you will likely cry less tears of frustration too if you follow this step).

it’s okay to not spend every single waking moment of your free time writing (especially if you’re exhausted, sick, or having a bad day). you are still purposeful, productive, and cool regardless.

it’s okay to abandon wips if they no longer bring you joy or you just aren’t feeling them anymore ! and no one is allowed to bully you about it. this is your creative time—spend it writing something you actually enjoy. write for YOU !

it’s okay to go on hiatus. you can always come back once inspiration hits again or you can disappear forever ! it’s up to you completely.

it’s okay to post new chapters/update wips sporadically. forcing yourself to stick to a strict schedule is the direct result of late stage capitalism ! post daily or weekly or monthly or yearly or once in your life—whatever is best for you, go for it ! (remember: no one is paying you for this).

it’s okay to write short or long chapters or anything in between ! this isn’t a high school essay. there’s no required word count, so write as much or as little as you want.

it’s okay to write for fun. it’s okay to write with no idea where your story is going. it’s okay to write without a plan.

it’s okay to not have a beta reader ! if you like it, post it. your own opinion of your work is enough.

it’s okay to project onto your characters. it’s okay to kin them and relate to them and self-insert. it’s okay to lean on your own experiences to fill in their backstories.

it’s okay to use song lyrics as titles !! coming up with an original title is hard and song lyrics are fun (plus you’ll often find someone who recognizes/likes that song too and mentions it in the comments).

i hope this helps someone ! i hope it encourages you to keep writing bc it makes you happy ! i hope you know that your writing/creativity is worth much more than any amount of kudos, comments, bookmarks, or hits <3

#can you tell i cried over writers block less than an hour ago #is it obvious #feeling so tired and letting myself take a break #steddie fics #steddie fic writers #fic writers #fanfic #steddie fanfic #fic writer problems #writers block #fic writing #fic writing advice #steddie #steve harrington/eddie munson #fruity four #stranger things #steddie ao3 fic #ao3 steddie #ao3 fic

[reidsbookclub]

hi grecy! i can't stop thinking about work rn, it's so hard to separate and not think about all day (especially when i'm trying to sleep soon) so i've come to bug you

i have a hc/fic idea: spencer learning to love physical affection bc reader/s.o.'s main love language is physical touch. like maybe at first he's hesitant and not the one initiating the touching, deciding that it's best if she seeks him out because he has no clue how to. but eventually he's so touchy. like she can't pass by him without spencer grabbing her by the waist for a spinning kiss or holding hands while walking or thighs touching on the couch. i am also a firm believer that spencer's favorite cuddle position is with his head in her lap and their legs going in the same direction (if that makes sense). and he would love to get his hair played with and just eat up all the attention.

okay sorry for this ramble but i need something else to think about instead of work stress

hiii Rosie!! ok ok bare with me this one is going to be a wild ride. PS: THANK YOU FOR THE DISTRACTION I really needed it.

The minute Spencer saw her walk into the BAU he knew she would be someone that he wanted around for a long time which is why he kicked himself for delivering his classic line the moment she walked up to introduce herself. "The number of pathogens passed during a handshake is staggering. It's actually safer to kiss." great job idiot now she'll think you are a weird nerd. As time went on it was clear to Spencer that this was one person that he always wanted to be around. Her laugh was a gravitational force that pulled him and he couldn't believe that she never rolled her eyes, or made a face when he was talking about something that interested him. He longed to have her in his arms, longed for the moment she ran his hands through his hair, he would even settle for having their pinkies intertwined during the debriefing of cases. But he knew that if he didn't like touch from other people, she might not either. Being the gentleman he is he silently longed for the day that she approached him with whatever ounce of physical touch she would give him. Even if by some weird happenstance, a rupture in time, a glitch his eidetic memory failed he would forever remember the first time he felt her caring touch. It was after a long, tiring case involving children. One whose lifestyle hit a little too close to home for Spencer, luckily it all resulted in a happy ending for the family but it took a toll on the team, especially on Spencer. Y/N could see the distraught, tired look on his eyes the minute they got on the plane so without a second thought she grabbed him by the arm and pulled him to the sofa. " sit now" she commanded and Spencer being too wonderstruck by her touch did as he was told. He never expected her to sit next to him but when she did he longed to just lay his head on her lap, even for just a millisecond. "want to talk about it?" she kindly asked, "no, im fine just tired" he replied. Spencer didn't know better but if he did he would've sworn that she whispered, "my sweet baby boy" Spencer could tell she was holding back from saying what she wanted to say so urging her with a nod she took a deep breath and said as she patted her lap, "come on, if anyone needs the sleep its you" So Spencer laid his head on her lap and fell asleep to the soothing rhythm of her breathing and her hand playing with his hair. After that day, rough case or not that became a routine for them. And it quickly let to them realizing that they just couldn't be apart. Every secret knee bump on the debrief room, thigh touching, or pinky intertwining was a silent I love you that they each hoped the other reciprocated. So, when Y/Nr walked into Penelope's kitchen one December afternoon and was greeted by a Spencer Reid wall blocked her way she couldn't help but blush by noticing the mistletoe Penny has strategically placed there. "Well here I thought my chocolate thunder would be kissing me today, yet its the Reids being more annoyingly cute" Confusion crossed both their faces, "the Reids?" they asked in unison. "Well, my sweets if you couldn't realize it by now the team has a bet going on for when you two finally get together so please kiss already." Penelope said laughing. "...so the Reids?" she asked blushing "shush future Mrs. Reid let me kiss you" Spencer said grabbing the sides of her head with both his hands and pulling her to him, adding after, "I knew I would marry you the minute I saw you, Im just glad I can kiss and hold you in public now and knowing you won't pull away." AN: ok idk if this is what you had in mind or not but this is what my brain came up with... now why cant I write my hw as fast as this.

#rosie✨ #hiii babe! hope you have a good night #also hope you like this #blurbs/hc are fun to write #idk why I dont do them more. #spencer reid x fem!reader #spencer reid blurb

[pluckyredhead]

Hello there! I'm a huge fan of all your writing (the DD fics are my favorite). As a fellow writer, I've been browsing the backlogs of your blog for writing advice because I absolutely adore your work~~ I was wondering if you had any advice for persevering through first drafts of novels, and how to make writer friends/find workshop groups. Thank you 😊 and your fics have gotten me through some really hard times, especially these past few months. They've been a respite from all the turbulence in my life rn, and have helped me find some sweetness/stability/hope.

You are so sweet, thank you! I'm glad my fics were helpful to you. ❤️

On persevering through first drafts...for me, one thing that helps is being able to see the progress pretty clearly. I write novels in Scrivener, and I'll set a target goal for the overall project (say, 80,000 words) and it will give you a progress bar you can see being filled. You can also give yourself a deadline and set it to figure out how many words you need to write per day to hit that deadline, and it will ding when you've hit your goal in a given writing session, which is really satisfying. You can do most of that without Scrivener, too - it's relatively simple math and it's so nice to be able to say "Wow! I'm 20% of the way there!" or "I passed the halfway mark!" or whatever.

I also remind myself that it doesn't have to be good, it just has to be written. I can always improve a bad first draft, but I can't do anything with no text at all.

In terms of finding writing friends/workshop groups, I met most of my writer friends through fandom, so you're in the right place! It's a little bit tougher to form communities now than it way in the heyday of LiveJournal, but my friends and I all met by commenting on each other's fic, then talking about fic together, then betaing each other's fic, and eventually reading each other's novels. Bonus: I've had awesome friends for nearly 20 years now.

There are definitely more structured ways to meet fellow writers and join crit groups, but I'ver never actually done any of those, so I don't have advice there! Maybe someone in the notes will?

Good luck!

#i write things

[leejihoonownsmyheart]

DO YOU THINK WOOZI WOULD LISTEN TO AYESHA EROTICA. THIS IS SO RANDOM BUT LIKE WOULD HE???

YOU LIKE EDGING PEOPLE?? man how do you even do it...like i can never tell when someone is close it's kinda frustrating

so if peer pressure is real...could we all collectively peer pressure you into marrying all of us?? i mean you did say you could do the craziest shit... (ok but thank you to peer pressure because we got an amazing dom!yn fic so huzzah)

I THINK HUZZAH SHOULD BE BROUGHT BACK TOO!! yipee, booyah, all white american venacular...

GALLAGHER GIRLS, DOCTOR WHO, AND SUPERNATURAL??? that's actually really..diverse? thats so cool wtf pls tell me more about those shows

I WILL GIVE YOU IDEAS!! as soon as i can think of them..what do you like to write? i'll kinda base off my asks/ideas off of those so you'll have a better writing experience </3

YOUR BRAIN IS NOT MID??? do you think a mid person would bias woozi?? didn't think so 😒😒

IKR??? HOW COULD HE DO THAT 😭😭😭 istg he literally messaged me first and asked to do everything with me and then out of nowhere he just invites someone else to tag along when we hungout??

im sorry that you're feeling stressed rn 😕😕why is everyone mad at you wtf?? i promise you don't sound narcisstic when you talk about it because if it's bothering you, you gotta let people know how you feel!! im glad the blog and a couple friends can help you feel better; ily and hope you feel better!!

-MISSED YOU TOO (🫨 anon)

I literally have never heard of her before (ASIDE FROM THAT ONE VIRAL TIKTOK AUDIO) but listening to one of her songs... I MEAN HE DOES LIKE SEX SONGS.. listening to some song by arianna one time that had me screaming into a pillow... AND HE WRITES GREAT LIKE SELF-CONFIDENT (?) BOPS (Hit... Super...) ITS VERY POSSIBLE I WOULD NOT BE SURPRISED

OKAY IVE ACTUALLY NEVER EDGED ANYONE BEFORE I TALK TO HEAR MYSELF TALK PRETTY OFTEN... I HAVE ALMOST NO ACTUAL SEXUAL EXPERIENCE I JUST ACTIVELY PARTICIPATE IN IN THAT TYPE OF INTERNET CULTURE... I AM A FAKE.. A FRAUD...

i feel like it would be really hard to tell when someone is close...

I would marry all of you??? I am literally ready to get married right now??? Let's go???

there's something to be said about white venicular like... It can be so good and funny to say, I used to love 20s slang. Like Hoover was president... people were drinking giggle juice... that shit was the bee's knees !

GALLAGHER GIRLS IS ACTUALLY A BOOK. A TEEN BOOK ABOUT THIS GIRL CAMMIE WHO GOES TO A SCHOOL gallagher academy! that is a private all-girl's school for spies. The first book is pretty good but in the SECOND book you find out that there is also a all-boy's school called Blackthorne Academy AND YOU MEET MR. ZACHARY GOODE HIMSELF.... bro... the books kinda evolve past silly little teenage drama among spy kids who don't know how to be normal and get more serious but my favorite part about my time in that fandom... is that... in the books there are four main girls: Cammie, Macey, Liz, and Bex and all of them have blackthorne boys that we all shipped them with EXCEPT Macey. She had a different love interest cause she is like the daughter of a politician or... something and so her love interest in the books was kinda a lamo nerd and NO ONE LIKED HIM SO ONE PERSON CREATED ONE OC WHO LITERALLY DOES NOT EXIST IN THE BOOKS AND WE ALL ADOPTED HIM. I think his name was maybe Nick? But completely made up. And we all wrote him the same and everything I miss the good old days....

BUT anyways I won't be crazy about doctor who and supernatural but just know I AM crazy about them... my beautiful amazing hyper-fixations.

Doctor Who, a man who stole a time and space travel machine and ran away to save people across the universe just being eccentric and getting up to all kind's of hijinks? Yes. IMMEDIATE YES. The doctor is so funny and relateable and his character is so heavy it just gets me going

AND SUPERNATURAL I am a dean apologist and destiel shipper till DEATH Destiel was the first gay couple in a show I shipped, but like those first few seasons the horror anthology-esque feel of the show is just so fun

WHEN IT COMES TO FANFICS I LIKE WRITING UHM.... uh wow I don't know actually. Anything that will get two characters into a long-relationship kinda fast. Like fwb to lovers kinda? I am kinda good at writing fwb these days LIKE that's like all I write BUT I CAN WRITE ANYTHING I LOVE REQUESTS THAT ARE A BIT DIFFERENT THAN WHAT I USUALLY DO

BRO WHAT THE FUCK. He's playing you... HES A PLAYER. FORGET HIM. BLOCK HIM (i'm just kidding) but also booo him. Get you someone who will treat you right....

I will not go much into it because my stress is making me a little crazy and I'm being a bit crazy these days but in defense of my friends who are all mad at me it's fair. They're mostly mad because I'm hanging out with three different groups of friends and Groups A and B I've been close to the longest and really judge me for hanging out with Group C but I work with Group C the most now and... idk it's a lot. I'm sick thinking about it...

#BRIE IS NOSY SO IF YOU WANNA KEEP ME UPDATED ON HOW THINGS GOOOO.... #FEEL FREE TO :) #IM EXCITED FOR YOUR REQ/IDEA FOR THE HALLOWEEN FIC #AND DONT FORGET... treat you better... shawn mendes... #ALSO SORRY ABOUT GOING OFF ABOUT GG I HAVE BEEN WANTING TO TALK ABOUT IT FOR A MONTH NOW I MISS THAT SERIES #b: 🫨 anon

[izzy-b-hands]

Ongoing PTSD breakdown trauma stuff below the cut, pls ignore, just need to spew it somewhere that like. I know my feelings will be safe to have and type up and whatever. Also, sorta? mild our flag spoilers under the cut bc my brain is a mess and I use characters I love to help metaphor out and explain my own shit so. yeah. that's also a thing here.

Motherfucking random traumatic memory abt Mum fucking. Randomly hitting me while I'm writing fic (for no apparent reason, no idea what triggered my brain to throw this at me when I WAS NEARLY DONE WITH THE FUCKING FIC NO LESS)

So goddamn rude. I'm off my track on the fic now, so I'm setting it aside for the night (we have Ren Faire today (it literally just hit midnight lol), but after that I want to get back to it) and realising I should really write this memory down.

Like. all of the little details about it, the bits of Mum and I and our relationship surrounding it. Both because my brain does tend to shutter some of those things away and makes them hard to get to without it being stupid lengthy a process involving talking out every feeling I'm having with someone else(unless it pulls some shit like tonight, then suddenly it's no fucking problem throwing it all over the place apparently) and because like

I don't know if I could say this one out loud to anyone, but I think I should. Probably a therapist, but it's one of those stupid trauma things of you just Want Someone, Anyone To Know, Now. To acknowledge it and say if it was as fucked up as it feels (bc I will never deny the possibility that I'm being dramatic and it isn't, and I should just. chill the fuck out about it.)

But every time I start trying to type it out I get hit with this wave of a physical response where my arms and wrists and fingers feel like they're clenching up and I Can't type it. And there's a part of me that doesn't want to because if I can see it in letters on a page, then it's real. It's real and it happened and maybe it was as fucked up as it feels like it was and if that's all true then like. it fits with everything else about our relationship that's already fucked up, from the severe (better than it used to be, but I'm sure it's very clear to y'all that it's still Not Good even though I've moved away from her) co-dependence to the emotional incest (fun fact: that term feels like a gut punch every time I hear it, and I've heard it from my therapist more than a few times now over the past 9ish years of treatment.) So I shouldn't be shocked by that or like, upset, right?

Yet I'm here typing this out to put off typing it up, and I'd bet money I don't necessarily have that I'll wind up putting my laptop away, showering, and going to bed without getting it typed. For better or for worse.

Part of the reason I worry so much abt Frenchie this season (aside from that I love him and he's one of my faves and I want nothing but good and happy for him) is because I also subscribe to his 'shove all the fucked up shit you've seen/experienced in a box in your mind and just. Never open it unless you're putting more in there' method of coping (have all my life, it was so weirdly validating to see it onscreen like that explained so plainly) and like. This is me when the box somehow pops open when I didn't mean it to, and I both want Frenchie to be able to process the things that have happened to him but also don't want to see a character I love so much hurt like this. Because it feels like a big stupid gaping open wound in my chest that I'm being entirely too dramatic about, no matter how valid feeling that way abt it might be.

Kind of hope I can just shut the lid on the box so I can get done and go to sleep after I post this. Should I actually type out the memory and everything? I hate to think that the answer my therapist would have given me, if I could afford to be seeing her rn, would be yes. But the thing is, I have fucking Ren Faire tomorrow in my Izzy cosplay (that Housemate says I look good in, which I'll vainly admit I'm rather happy about, even if it is a very inaccurate and homemade cosplay that's missing certain details I can't yet afford to buy), and I don't want to be dealing with any of this for the rest of the night/into tomorrow. I need to sleep so I can go have some fucking fun, for once. I even feel ok to bring my cane with folded in my bag, just in case I need it, bc that would still be in character if I wind up needing to use it. I can count on one hand the times I've had a fun experience where I also felt safe admitting when my body was hurting and using a physical aid to help it get by; I'm not losing this one.

It's not getting typed out, and I need to duct tape that fucking box shut for now.

#text post #long post #tw ptsd #ngl kind of feeling exhausted and can't think of what other tws to add so if y'all see one I should have pls msg me and I can add asap #here or on discord if u have my discord info whatever works #im going to shut my laptop down shower and try to force myself to cry in there #bc the fact that I haven't had a big physically painful sob session means I'm not fully done with this rough patch bc they ALWAYS get bette #after I have The Big Sob Session #until I have it I just have to work hard to keep myself together and not let it affect other stuff which tbh #this stuff ive carried so long that even in like. active breakdown or wtf ever u wanna call it #masking and getting by in public is somehow still easy enough #but that's another thing I'm fucking off to the shower pls cross ur fingers and toes that i at least cry a little in there so I can sleep l

[enrapture]

I think I’m on the upswing of my sickness or whatever the fuck I have rn, fuck my job and fuck that no boundaries having bitch at work (who got me sick / I’ve prob been having allergies on top of it) . although, I’ve been eating small meals here and there am trying to avoid dairy products rn (I found a list on google what to eat / drink while sick and I’m trying it out) and eat mostly** chicken noodle soup with crackers, ginger with turmeric tea c: spoonfuls of honey, 4hr allergy pill, and got multi fruit (naked) brand drink and some orange juice, I made banana nut muffins I ate a tiny bit of something with garlic in it. And getting a lot a lot of rest! (I need to drink a lot more water though. A lot more. My adhd makes me procrastinate it. actually makes me procrastinate e v e r y t h I n g 😭😵‍💫)

I haven’t been keeping in touch with people as much and or literally no one hits me up anyway BUT !!!! I’m trying my best to focus on myself and my health and do all I can. Be on here and try to be a little more social… it’s just been a little hard because I’ve lacked energy the past few days, very fatigued dizzy headed, throat sore and scratchy, very disoriented as if I’m watching someone control my body sickly weird feeling, (at least that’s what I was dealing with at work / few days ago) can’t miss work or else I will be fired so I have to stay and work everyday that I’m scheduled even when I spoke to my boss about it. (I hate this job so much) but I might be moving soon maybe within the next few months or so idk. So that’s in the works probably idk… Will keep posted.

almost lost my voice this morning but thanks to doing the above remedies I got from the grocery they’ve helped my body a lot! I didn’t feel weird or lacked much energy too much and didn’t feel fatigued at all today although i did take a small nap im about to take another one. I felt a tiny bit disoriented in the grocery but ya know how those lights can be with all the colored goods and shit. But Overall I think I’m doing better :)))) i didn’t feel like absolute dogshit like I did the other two days. So I think I’m doing okay and will start getting and feeling much better soon. I’ve noticed I’ve lost a good bit of weight all over from working at my stupid strenuous job and from being sick… I thought that was interesting. I’m trying to do all home remedies as much as possible to feel better. And just wanted to give y’all a little update on me and why I haven’t been posting as much or whatever if at all or responding or anything like that. As this is my safe place where I can be myself and be open and honest with what’s going on instead of keeping it to myself and leaving y’all who care in the dark. and felt that you all know the real me vs what everyone else sees who knows me irl although if you follow me here and know me irl congrats you know me fully pat yourself on the back. But yeah… idk I just am trying to say: Thank you for reading / caring and supportin me. I haven’t forgotten or ignored any of you and hope to post soon maybe tomrrow (today) :,) thanks for checking in and thanks for understanding me and loving me unconditionally. Im giving you all hugs and sending lots of love for you all 💕💕💕💕💕♥️♥️♥️♥️🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤💘💘💘💘💘💝💝💝💝💝💝😻😻😻😻😻😻🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰💖💖💞💞💞💞💓💓💓💓mwah mwah mwah !! Thank you.

[flowering-thought]

Ah yes, procrastination! Hehe, I also deal 🤝

Anyways, I shall now detail my painfully awkward stories to you lol:

(I don't really know how to put these in order, so it might come out as a jumbled mess (⁠｡⁠•̀⁠ᴗ⁠-⁠)⁠✧)

1.) So, this one comes to mind first as it is unfortunately burned in my brain *cries* So! I used to have a HUGE crush on this guy that I worked with (I was wondering at a subway at the time) and because I had a crush on him, I happened to be shy and somehow kinda clumsy around him. And because of that shyness, I would find it hard to talk to him without stuttering or blushing. Normally, it wouldn't be so bad but he just so happened to also be shy and socially awkward like me. (Usually I always shy and quiet at first, until someone talks me out of my shell. Then I'll gradually open up and become more "extroverted" around them) Anyways, as you could imagine, there was a lot of terrible awkward silences. AND, bc we worked together, I had to deal with it. There was this time specifically where we got a large online order, and it was just the two of us, so I come up there to help him. Because the store we worked at was so small and cramped, we didn't have much room so we had to work side by side. Bc of that, to me, it felt like we were uncomfortablely close, and I kept accidentally bumping into him. Compare that with awkward silence, and I just wanted to disappear all together. He got a better job somewhere else not long after, but I always wondered if he thought I was some weird quiet kid or if he felt the same way I did. Idk

2.) Oh! So a few years ago (around 4) I went down to the lake that was kinda local to where I lived during summer every day for like a week straight. I happened to meet a boy who was two years younger than me (I'm only 21 now so I was a lil bebe then hehe(17)) He came up to talk to me, and was really polite and chatty too so I actually felt really comfortable hanging with him while there. He coincidentally happened to be there almost every day I was there. So it didn't take long for me to open up. Anyways, summer ended (obvi) and I continued about my life as it was. Time Skip! Up until fairly recently, I had completely forgotten about meeting him at all. Haha yes, so I was going grocery shopping when I met him again since he worked there. Only, I had NO IDEA who he was. (I found out he was also a local lol) Anyways, I walked in and he was kinda staring at me. And I felt super uncomfortable bc I felt like I was supposed to know him or something. So I kinda glanced over and ignored him until I had to check out. I didn't recognize him because he apparently hit a major growth spurt. Well I got to check out and he was like "do you really not remember me?" and I awkwardly shook my head no. To which he replied "we met at the lake a few years ago remember?" I felt so bad for not remembering lol. But luckily he was super nice, and all ended well.

3.) (This one isn't a story, but just a compilation of my ✨anxious habits✨)

*I can't tell people no, instead I talk circles around a "maybe" or a "next time"

*I genuinely worry if I make people feel uncomfortable bc I'm always a little awkward

*I can't stand awkward silences, so that leads me to ramble

*Crowded places are draining

*I'm always fidgeting with something when I'm nervous like my hair or necklace

*During the rare times I do actually have guests I'll anxiously spoil them with treats like food, drinks, etc.

*(insert general introvert things here)

That's all I can think of rn anyway. I hope it helps 💖

~🥀

Omg sorry I've been kinda hoarding this ask cause I relate wayyyy too much ʕ•ω•ʔ

🥀 I completely feel you with those anxious habits too 👩‍🦯👩‍🦯. If I feel like I somehow made someone uncomfortable I automatically go to apologize out of habit.. And a really bad habit of picking at my nails to the point it actually kinda hurts- but I've been trying to stop cause it kinda sucks after a while when your finger tips hurt yk?

But yeah social anxiety and just anxiety in general can lead to a lot of awkward conversations or interactions 😔 Sometimes I've been so completely oblivious to people attempting to interact that it leads to awkward silence lol- doesn't help I have a chronic RBF that makes people think I hate them ;-;

#.hana_talks_txt_♡ #the amount i relate to these stories is insane

[eliasbouchardslut]

i know we're friends n I could just say this in dms but i need just a touch of anonymity rn. I'm so sad and scared. I'm having to drop out of university after OVER FIVE YEARS and I feel like a total letdown. I'm not lazy or whatever my mom thinks, but I'm so tired. I've been tired for years. 2022 broke me and I want to do what I want, not what my mother thinks I should do. but I'm so scared. I turn 26 this year but I feel like a shaved lamb, shivering, trembling, the world too big and dangerous

hi my angel, it's okay to feel scared. trust me, knowing that it's okay to feel scared is an integral part to this journey. something important that helps me is the knowledge that everyone is a little scared. it's part of the experience of getting older. hopefully that little knowledge can provide some semblance of comfort.

secondly, needing to drop out of school is not a mark of failure. at all. i know that's hard to believe, but i really hope you can trust me on that. school is a journey that is not meant for everyone, and those 5 years are not wasted. pursuing what you love is more than just a desire, sometimes it is a survival mechanism. life can be infinitely full of suffering, but there is so much propensity for love and adoration. find what you love, and try to dedicate yourself to it, and the world might become a much less cruel place.

lastly, the world feels big and scary. i won't argue. i feel that way too. however, i have fallen just head over heels in love with humanity and all of its faults. wherever you go, there is always someone there who will hold a door for you, smile at you on the street, etc. people who want to help are everywhere. also, the world is so full of love and that love will absolutely find you one day. all the people in your life that you love were once strangers to you, and doesn't that make the world a little less scary?

also, you can't live solely for the expectations your mother has for you. it's an act of self care to look at everything she's given you and to be grateful, but to seek a life that makes your existence worthwhile. also, the future is not some big concept. the future is something that slowly comes to greet you, day by day. you can take your time to figure it out, and each morning you wake, the future waits for you to make your move. it won't hit you all at once, angel. take your time.

sorry if this is just me rambling. it's just what's on my mind. please feel free to send another ask if you have any concerns or anything like that. i'm sending you so much love, we're all just trying to find our way in life but it's so wonderful to have each other

#ask #anon

[neonlav]

went to a mother mother concert tonight (great crowd, great venue, great frantic energy, always like that here) just bc my friend had a spare ticket. so we rolled up together, both preferring their older music and being nostalgic for middle school, hoping they don't just play their new album, and me telling her that they blew up on tiktok and were cringe for a while, which she did not know, and. the fucking energy of this place. ok. so

it's a bbq place. but historic outdoor venue, nice stage

it's like 80% teenagers. this shifts later, but it is mostly white teenagers in the most black leather and gay and ostentatious alt getups you've ever seen. me n my friend are dressed plain practical butch for the weather but we look like preps next to these kids

we find a good spot in the middle where we can sit on a railing so we are a head above the crowd and don't block anybody's view. a group of 4 obviously queer and young kids stands in front of us

at one point, one turns around and signs to me that they think I look cool, then repeat themself in spoken english when I don't know enough asl to read that

I compliment them back, it's a lull between the openers so we strike up a short conversation w them & their friends. they're 16 and drove straight from school from the next city over and are driving back tonight. they're almost all autistic, queer as fuck, one's taking asl and is teaching the others, which is useful for this loudass concert (they directly tell me all this)

at one point 3 leave to get drinks and leave this one tiny black kid who looks like they're not having a great time. crowd has shifted to 20s & 30s ppl vaping & smoking around them, pushing in on their group's space, so I hop down and start clearing space, striking up a conversation, keeping the spots and letting the kid know me n my friend are safe and helping them chill out. this is in a long lull between openers and mm

these kids. are JUST like me and my friends in highschool. I was internally deeply deeply cringing, I saw so much of myself in them but esp the one I was talking to. no self awareness, such shit lives, trying so hard to grab onto happiness. they're such sweethearts and I know they got p overstimulated so I hope they made it home ok. I watched over their group until they left a little bit early. shoutout to the group of queer kids behind us too who were also nice and piped up at a few moments

so both opener bands were BANGERS. absolutely got the crowd riled, great stage presence, amazing music

then mm plays song blending into song, starts with verbatim (playing to their audience lol), and their show is every big hit they've had which goes over super well. sort of harder rock remixes of everything, really really cool vibe, great lights, great movement around the stage

there's a quick interlude before they play it's alright abt mental health, dedicating the song to ppl who are going thru shit rn, reminding everyone they're human and interjecting that into the song, it's nice

another interlude, this time to speak abt how they think it's really cool to see a new, sharper generation using their music to talk abt important issues, very transparently pandering and abt tiktok and trans issues w/out saying those words. still very supportive of trans ppl and "the ability for everyone to show up as they are" and identify however

at one point someone near the front unfurls a big gay flag and starts waving it

they play hayloft and then have a smooth solo singing interlude then hayloft ii and the lights go fucking insane. everyone screaming at the top of their lungs. people are headbanging, jumping, tons are filming, shit's off the wall

good concert. good night. can't believe that was 30 bucks for 4 hours of straight bangers no misses

#talk.txt #nonrebloggable bc u can figure out my location easy from this lol #and readmore bc it got long #I have blisters on my ass bc that railing was PAINFUL to sit on #and I did it for hours bc I can't stand for all that + I'm short #really surprised no one started moshing? almost happened at a couple points

[wooahaes]

like anon said, nothing that happened was your fault. it’s never okay to do that, and you aren’t to blame in any way. i hope someday you can see someone who you can talk to and will actually help, but just know that you can talk to me if you ever want to ☺️

also YES about non sexual intimacy. i can’t explain how good it feels to read about characters bathing together just to be in each other’s presence. you have no idea how soft that stuff makes me. and where they’re just lying in bed without any clothes on, not for sexual reasons, but just to feel the other’s warmth and skin?? i’m passed out on the floor by then 🤧

anyways, take care!!!

thanks hon <3 it'll probably be a long time until i fully believe that myself. i'll keep that in mind.

(also i'm not going to answer anymore asks abt my trauma rn. if they get sent in, either they'll be left unanswered or they'll get deleted. i appreciate the kindness a lot though <3)

(also warning for nsfw topics getting discussed here???)

literally... the intimacy of just sharing a space together is... chefs kiss. skin to skin contact is so good. like i said, the sexual intimacy is cool and all but sometimes a bitch (me) is yearning to just be held.

honestly i wouldnt mind like... less "sexy" sexual stuff too if tht makes sense? like haha yeah kinky shit whatever but i think smut of two dorks just being in love and having fun w it is cute too. literally give me some losers just having giggly loving sex and being in love w each other.

ok nsfw (not explicit rly??? theres one joke in the snippit i shared) but. this is an excuse to pull up my own stupid writing (between two ocs).

context: they had planned for some kinkier shit (blindfolding, handcuffs, some degradation + some praise, some play w toys), one of them safewords bc theres overstim that she can't handle that night, and it devolves into just. two idiots in love boning.

~

She laughed a little at the notion. "Loser," she reached up, finding his shoulders and gently pulling him forward. "Take this off. I wanna see you."

Icarus reached forward, gently undoing the tie from around her head, and tossing it aside. She blinked a few times as her eyes grew adjusted to the dim light, and then she smiled at him.

"Hi."

He smiled at her, "Hi."

"You come here often?" She giggled, reaching up to run a hand through his hair. 

"No," he hummed, "but you will."

She gently smacked his shoulder. "That was awful." Ophelia ran her thumb across the apple of his cheek, smiling at him, "I'm sorry I ruined your scene." When he was at a loss for words, she leaned up to press another kiss against his lips. "You can move, if you want."

~

just. idk. theyre soft and i think abt this lil thing i wrote sometimes. its oldish and not good but idk i like them being in love. it just feels hard to find stuff where it feels like love and not just lust. i think livvie's writing is the only thing thats hit that sweet spot for me, but admittedly i avoid any smut that has 0 warnings on it or any smut with choking/hair pulling warnings which is......... idk more common than u would think. nothing wrong w pure lust stuff, but idk im a domestic bitch who likes the idea of sex being intimate personally lmao thats just me tho !! <3

also icarus is not his real first name. its cameron. he just goes by icarus more often bc hes a loser who went 'it sounds cooler' lmao (it IS his middle name tho bc his mom was like... artsy as fuck) ive had this oc since i was like 13 and i still love his stupid ass.

#wooahaes.ask #maijunejuly #uhh god idk i should make a tag for when i talk abt stuff that isnt super sfw just for filtering reasons