#this is paragraphs long as usual my long long posts strike again

[okwrites]

Breaking 3 Writing 'Rules':

If you have ADHD or ASC or are some other flavor of neurodivergent, the 'rules' many big name authors post about how they've reached success can actually make you feel REALLY BAD because you can't always do the same thing.

Building a positive relationship with writing can make all the difference in getting you writing more.

'Write every day.' - Don't write every day, write when the mood strikes. But you can trick your brain into work mode by trying different things. Put on your shoes when it's time to write. Light a candle. Put on the same playlist every time. After a while, it'll be like a light-switch. When you light the candle, your brain will find writing easier. Just don't force it. When you try to force writing, you build up frustration and resentment if you don't get anything out. Some days just won't be writing days. That's FINE, lots of authors don't write every day (even if they say they do).

'I write 1000 words every day!' - Well, if you WANT to write and are struggling, a goal of 1000 words seems really far away. So do incremental goals. One sentence. One paragraph. 100 words. Usually by then you're in the flow of things and you can write 1000 words pretty easy. And again, celebrate every single one of those goals so you want to keep doing it. If you have to? One sentence, walk away, come back later, add another, GOOD JOB, two whole sentences!

'Sit down and block out x hours every day just for writing.' - Actually, the best way I've found to write is to tell my brain the deadline or end time is really, really soon - so I write in 20-30 minute chunks, and then walk away or take breaks and come back if I want to later. By setting that arbitrary shorter deadline, my brain can see an end and will work harder and focus more because it knows it's just for a little bit. If 20-30 minutes is too long, start with 15 minute chunks.

#adhd culture #adhd #adhd problems #adhd writer #writer #writers #writing #author #authors #fantasy author #authors on tumblr #writeblr #writers on tumblr #writerscommunity #creative writing #writer's notes #asc #neurodivergent #neurodiversity #autism #asd

[abby118]

hi! your post about loki's costumes the other day was really interesting :D since you're talking about thor, what are your thoughts on *thor's* costuming?

Hiii I'm so glad you asked! :D

There are numerous paragraphs in the The Art of books talking about this topic, but to preface this, I'll mention these from the first book:

(concept art by Charlie Wen)

As I've already said in the post about Loki's costume design, the helmet design is a part of Odin's helmet design. (X) Although, we only see Thor wearing it once, during his coronation.

-again, I really like the colours they chose for him, especially considering the fact that silver seems to be a bit rarer than gold in Asgard, and red is the complementary/opposite colour to green. Odin also wears a combination of gold & silver.

-of course, I have to mention the chainmail sleeves.

I know many people like the cirular elements to his armour (and the runes around the circles!), but I, personally, like the pattern of the metal and its combination with leather.

-Obviously, Mjölnir is a topic on its own and I would go into a complete tangent, but I felt it needed to be mentioned at least once.

-Another detail I like, is that most of the time, Thor's armour is pretty heavy (especially when compared to some of Loki's). He's got a lot of metal and I think it reflects his combat style in a way. Unlike Loki, he doesn't strike me as someone who'd need a lot of agility, mainly because his fighting style is very force-focused and well.. Mjölnir does the job.

-Moving on to the first Avengers, at first, the armour composition is slightly different. There's more leather and the contrasting colours are more visible. I like to think this is a bit of a nod to him being on Midgard. Of course, once it gets to the fight with the Chitauri army, he returns back to his usual battle setup, I don't know what else to call it.

I think my favourite detail is the armguard with the symbol of Loki's helmet on it.

-His TDW armour is probably my favourite, and I think that's because it's more fitting for actual battle (as he'd been "restoring the order of the 9 realms"), and then we get a glipse of a more daily life on Asgard compared to the ones we'd seen prior. It's also darker, which.. is a nice detail in context of the movie, as well as the story by that point.

It also seems more practical in terms of actual protection (although, I'm sure having the long cape attached to himself is notoriously inconvenient).

(concept art by Charlie Wen)

Unlike most people, I absolutely love the black leather cloak. (I also recommend checking out this article- X)

One tiny detail I noticed is the zipper-like lining they used that's similar to the lining seen in Loki's armour.

-Thor doesn't really like wearing the chainmail does he? It's a tradition at this point.

-and an honourable mention: this outfit from Avengers Age of Ultron.

#Thor #costume design #og Thor supremacy #ask #abby talks #Thor 1 #The Avengers #Thor The Dark World #Avengers Age of Ultron

[theotherdeerinhell]

The Doe in the Alleyway

I'm making a fanfiction about Rabo, because of course I am. Anyways, here's the first chapter in full. It's at 1.5k words, but since the last paragraph leads to a small timeskip, it's just a good place to end the first chapter. Get hyped up for this fun little thing!

Chapters will be posted to Tumblr as made. It will be posted to Wattpad, AO3, and Toyhouse on a weekly basis once it's complete.

Warning: The chapter consists of misgendering, a female getting a top torn off, mutilation, stabbing, and mentions of blood.

There is a reason why Fiona is a deer, and it's not because she licked salt or grazed on grass. No, it's because she ended up in Hell through the same situation she is finding her way in right now. Her hooves hit the floor with every swift stride, and her breaths prove to be challenges on their own. Fiona has been running for so long, she feels like she could collapse at any moment. But no. She will not let her pursuers get to her. Not this time. She knows that letting them win would be a death sentence.

Fiona stumbles when she finds a wall in her path. Its eyes glare back at her. Fiona takes a couple steps back. She turns around to keep running, but the demons are already blocking the only way out. Their sickly and perverted grins reveal the golden tooth they all share. It is a reminder that they are all there because their master did not acquire what he so desperately wanted. Fiona crosses her arms to cover her big breasts pushing against the fabric of her black goth dress. She clasps her shoulders with her hands and slouches. Just the way they stare down her curves makes Fiona uncomfortable in her skin in a deep way.

"It looks like the little doe finally met her dead end." A vulture-like demon stalks up to her. A ginger cat and a sinner with a mosquito-like nose follow behind him. They take their time in their approach. They know there is nothing Fiona can do about them. These goons may be weaklings themselves, but she is even weaker. Any power she has is just late in manifestation. Fiona backs herself up against the wall as they draw closer. Fiona bares her vampire fangs and growls.

"You could've had this be easy, toots. All you had to do was let Valentino have his way." The vulture grabs Fiona with his friends. They all hold her still. Fiona squirms and cries out with all her might. The goons don't even stop her. They know that nobody will come save her. This is Hell, after all. People only mind their own business. Anyone who meddles are usually dead within a matter of days. It's cruel, but that is the status quo. The cat takes a hammer out of her pocket and kneels down.

"Such pretty hooves," She purrs, "Polished black and shimmering in the streetlight. Perhaps I'll take a shard as a souvenir." The feline grabs a hoof and holds it down. She raises her hammer and strikes it with all her might. The hoof shatters into pieces. It brings about a pain that is more intense than anything Fiona has ever felt. She cries out while her other hoof meets the same shattered fate. The goons drop Fiona.

Standing is much too painful. It shoots a sense of agony up her legs and to her brain. Fiona collapses. Her black eyeliner runs from the tears. This is it. She can't escape. She is about to die again. It can't end this way, not this soon. But that is not Fiona's choice to make. It never is.

"How about we see what's hiding underneath that pretty dress?" The vulture snickers. He grabs Fiona's dress and pulls it right off, exposing everything that creeps like these three would want to see. Fiona can feel their eyes staring at her harder. She tries to cover herself, but the vulture grabs her wrists tightly. "There is no point in you trying to protect yourself now~ You have no hope. No friends, no feet...just us, and my friend's blessed knife." Fiona looks behind the vulture to see what he's talking about. Indeed, the mosquito is holding a knife that shines white. Fiona cries out again. Her desperation grows stronger, but there is nothing she can do as the knife pierces her flesh. Red blood spills out as soon as the knife is pulled out.

Fiona screams again when the knife makes another puncture. The torture is endless, even if it's just for a minute. All of her vital organs are missed, but Fiona can tell that that is the point. Nobody in this group want to give her a quick death. Perhaps such a thing wouldn't be entertaining enough for them. The pain stops coming after some point. The goons drop her and snicker at the state they have put Fiona in.

"The bitch's already dead," The vulture tells his comrades, "Let's get going and tell the boss. She got exactly what she deserved." The other two nod their heads and leave the alleyway.

Fiona sits alone in the dark. She has no choice but to feel the agony and let exhaustion wash over her. Would she even be able to heal from angelic steel-induced wounds if she survived by some miracle? Staying awake is becoming increasingly difficult, but a sound makes her ears perk up. Three screams that sound so much like her killers. Fiona loos up. A shadow tendril waves half of a body in the air. Green electricity crackles through the thick wriggling shape of darkness. Could it be...?

Fiona slumps down. What is the point in guessing? She'll be dead by the time her savior finds her. She may as well give in now. Yet, that small sparkle of hope keeps her awake. So when the handsome buck clad in vintage red comes walking in, Fiona is in awe at the sight. For not only is the demon the same species as her, but he is the very manifestation of her dream self. He brushes some dust off his tattered coat, and the yellow sharp-toothed grin plastered on his face grows.

"I must apologize for being late, my dear." His voice oozes with charisma as he speaks, it's almost familiar to Fiona's dying ears, "But I was in the middle of lunch. Though, those lackeys did make for a fine dinner."

The male kneels down to take a closer look at Fiona. He tilts his head when he finds that the demons didn't even give her the decency of a full outfit. And the state of her hooves - her feet are practically stumps with how damaged they are. This doe is a beautiful one, he can tell. Perhaps if she wasn't so young, she'd be the one he's interested in. Letting her die would be a waste. So he snaps his fingers and lets a blanket appear around her. The demon wraps it around the fragile body gingerly in an effort to return some sense of dignity to her.

Fiona opens her eyes when she feels a blanket tightly wrapped around her and a pair of arms lifting hr up. She takes a good look at the one who is taking her to somewhere unknown. It's still that handsome buck. But is he here to save her? Even with her own uncertainty, Fiona has no choice but to find out. 

The male approaches the staircase of the recently rebuilt Hazbin Hotel. It is grander than it ever was, and the building is no longer on the brink of collapse. There are still not many residents looking for redemption. Most of the sinners the man walks past in the lobby were either already there, or they are people who came in seeking sanctuary. While being a refuge was not the owner's intention with the hotel, it is a consequence of it being neutral ground. Nobody has to worry about regular squabbles during their stay, so the injured and the weak live there. The only condition upheld is that they do have to go through the rehabilitation program. And as prideful as all sinners can be, most of them would rather be redeemed than dead. He comes up to the front desk, where Charlie herself is sorting through the room keys. She looks up to the sight of her "friend."

"Oh! Alastor!" Charlie pipes up, "I see you're back from your errands." She looks down at the female deer in his arms. The poor thing is leaving blood everywhere, and she's barely clinging on to life. "A-and I see that your friend there needs medical intervention."

"Don't you worry." Static crackles and pops when Alastor speaks, "From the way she is fighting death, I can tell this one is strong. Her damage is nothing I can't mend, but if you don't mind, the time window I have to ensure her survival is increasingly short. I will require the emergency kit at the back there." 

Charlie hurriedly turns and gathers the kit, "Right! Right! This is no time to chat. That person is dying." Charlie turns back around and hands the kit to Alastor.

"Thank you dearly." With that, Alastor navigates his way to the elevators. Charlie is absolutely grinning behind his back. Could this be it? Is the hotel finally making Alastor crack? No, it can't be. He has plans for that poor demon. Favors like what he's currently doing always have strings attached to them. But what would those strings be? A soul contract? A favor in return for what he has done? Charlie will find out soon, though she is not looking forward to what horror awaits that innocent soul.

#fanfic #hazbin hotel fanfiction #oc #hazbin alastor #alastor #hazbin hotel #dad au #oh deer #hazbin hotel alastor

[rondoel]

I am wondering something and need advice. How do you even start with your comics? I've been trying to do one of my own and for some reason i just can't get going. I've you have any tips I'd be over the moon to hear them

I can offer both motivational and technical tips, purely subjective ones that work for me:

1) When you know what you want to draw but struggle with motivation for starting

Sometimes inspiration strikes and I instantly start and draw whole thing in one sitting without even writing down the idea. But sometimes you polish your script/idea for some time but when it comes to drawing - no can do.

For that you gotta get in ✨The Zone✨ which is surprisingly simple - just start doodling, drawing anything, may be related or unrelated to the comic. Set yourself a timer (15 minutes is good) during which you will be just drawing, you can put on some nice music or video that you like in the background, and it’s VERY likely that after this time you won’t want to stop. Congratulations, now you’re in The Zone!

2) When you have the idea but don’t know how to layout each scene

Even If you don’t usually write down your ideas/scripts - I still recommend to do it in this case. Now think about what do you want to convey in each paragraph and write it down If you need.

What is character feeling? What is the general mood? Is it a quick action scene or the one you want to draw out?

Now some examples:

Slow moment, character feels alone in the world - wide far shot, character is alone in the center of the screen

Long pause, characters are looking at each other awkwardly in silence - wide static side shot where characters are standing on opposite sides, comedic feel. May be duplicated for longer and even more awkward effect

Character A feels very small, looking up at the Character B - low camera angle from behind A’s back, character B is looming over them and taking most of the panel’s space

I’ve learned these rules over the years or practice and research so don’t feel bad If you don’t get it right away!

(Let me know If you want to hear specific rules in camera placement, I can write them down in another post)

For more storyboarding tips I send you here. I asked my friend for these tips a long time ago when I was barely starting with comics and still use these to this day 😊

3) When you have the scenes imagined but can’t exactly put it “on paper”

Layout can be tricky. Sometimes I draw out everything I wanted and something still looks off or too stiff. The fix I’ve developed is very easy and can be plenty fun.

For that special occassion I have my ‘comic refs’ folder in my art references collection. It’s filled with hundreds of different comic pages with different styles and interesting layouts I’m continously gathering from various artists.

How does it work now?

I’m basically browsing through these, thinking about that one scene I’m doing right now - and I guarantee you, at least one panel in one of these comics will strike your imagination in the context of THIS ONE scene you’re doing - so that’s why you can look at the same refs over and over again and it will still come in handy.

And the funny thing about this is that your imagination might even like only one thing in the reference picture: for example camera angle or even how far characters are standing from each other - while ignoring everything else. So don’t limit yourself when it comes to refs - it’s seriously one of the most succesful tricks that always work for me.

---

Hope this is what you needed, feel free to ask for more specifics, I will gladly share my knowledge! 😊

#ask #rondos art advice #comic tips

[invisiblegarters]

Be Mine Superstar Ep 8

(Fair Warning the first four paragraphs of this are actually about Only Friends. It's what I do now, apparently. Feel free to skip to past the gif if you don't care)

Much later than usual, but the truth is aside from having responsibilities that unfortunately kept me away from dramas a lot so far this week, the Only Friends brainrot is real. Pretty much the entire time I'm *not* doing things that I need to do I'm thinking about Boston and his motivations and how he could easily be just a two dimensional fuckboy villain but there's too much going on with his face for me to buy it (Neo Trai is a gem guys, it's true. I've known it but now I really know it, you know?) and pondering how heavily Ray's issues with alcohol are going to factor in (my guess is very), how bad it's gonna get (also very), how many relationships he's going to destroy (all, probably), and who he's gonna hurt (physically as well as emotionally - look, drunk driving is a whole theme, we've had two (2) episodes and Sand and Ray and dangerous driving have been mentioned no less than three (3) times - call it Chekov's Gun, call it the Sword of Damocles (I've done both because I'm dramatic af) or be normal and simply call it foreshadowing, I just can't believe they've mentioned it this many times not to have it rear it's head in a really nasty way).

And that's not even counting the stuff that just amuses me, like counting how many times Mew looks sus in one episode (a lot), or building my SandTop exes agenda (also a MewSand agenda and a NickSand agenda...look I just think Sand should get around, okay?) and cackling over the idea that we're going to get everything in the trailer so far by episode 5.

Do you see? the brainrot is so real that I just spent paragraphs talking about OF and not the show I'm ostensibly here for. It's been a long time since a drama took over my brain to this extent. I'd say send help but I'm actually having way too much fun.

So I do apologize for the person I've become. For anyone that's not here for me to go on about OF at literally any opportunity, I really am sorry. I don't think any post will be free of it until October.

That said, let's actually talk about this show now, eh?

Sigh. So we're gonna do another outing plot here hey. That's wonderful I so love these (I really, really don't). But I guess there has to be some sort of drama happening since everything's been fairly adorable so far. Yippee?

Can I just say that the Muang/Doctor plot feels weirdly rushed and disjointed? I was so looking forward to them after the first ep and now I barely care, and that is sad.

Punn and Ashi are really cute though.

Are we also still doing the Title crushing on Ashi thing? I felt like that was there and then it got dropped, but now they're picking it up again. He's not gonna be happy with those pics. Oh but hey if it leads to him begging his asshole manager not to be an asshole then sure.

"It's not that hard to win Ashi's heart." Especially when you'll be in Japan with him and Punn won't. Just saying. Although I just incredibly doubt it'll work - this really does not strike me as that type of BL. But hey, a little angst never hurt anyone, right?

Just once I would like one of these places to look lived in. They did a little better with Punn's house but man, it depresses me how spotless everything is all the time. It's like when they order food and don't eat it. Or sleep with the lights on.

/tangent

I love that the Daddy Muang thing hasn't been dropped even though now Punn has Ashi as he wants and there's really no need for it.

The brothers remain very good. I like this sibling relationship. Feels real in a lot of ways.

Oooh I like that shot with all of them in the car park.

I find I have to keep reminding myself that Punn is only 20. But frankly, I am cringing hard at this jealousy plot. I just wanna grab him and tell him he's being too transparent, aaaah. Me, I have a pride issue. I would never. I could never.

Punn is the cutest though - I do like how he just lets every feeling show on his face, even if I could never.

"No one is taking Ashi away from you." Maybe not, but they're certainly trying lol.

Although...maybe trust in your boyfriend just a little more. It's not like you're in a show where he has one foot out the door anyway.

I wonder now if Muang has figured out Title is definitely making moves, lol. He's not stupid, even if Ashi is, a little (genuinely, I think he's just focused on his job. This is his big international break, right? Of course he just wants to do the thing right. And he has no reason to suspect that Title's trying to split him up from the boyfriend no one is even supposed to know about).

Anyway this kind of angst is my jam so I'm not even a little mad. Poor sad Punn with his poor sad Punn face, though. It just doesn't feel right to watch him be unhappy.

I love those dogs.

Hahahaha okay Punn manipulating Muang and co into helping him separate Title and Ashi is funny. I have to admit that. Yes, childish, but again, twenty. And not exactly a hugely mature twenty, either. :D

Damn, Muang. That was kinda harsh. I love it. Be meaner!! Make someone cry!

Sorry. Feeling a little vicious today, apparently.

Well at least Punn acknowledges he was being kind of immature. Yes, yes, Title is being a deliberate butt, but Punn doesn't really know that he just sort of suspects, and he was already being a little ridiculous before that.

Twenty. He's twenty. Remember he's twenty.

Ooh I did like that hop and carry though. Very nice.

And now off to Japan we go! Well. Half of us. The other half is still hanging out in Thailand.

Pfft and now there's yet another man after Ashi's pretty self. He's a hot commodity.

Beep boop time for the blackmail. Although to be fair this is going in a direction that I didn't quite expect. So props for that, I guess.

Oh hey, everyone's in Japan next week. Nice.

#be mine superstar #episode 8

[smooth-goat]

hi robin lol 1, 6, 7, 13, 14, 18 (ik you do but I want to know the answer to the second part), 22, 23, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 35, 36, 37, 42, 43, 49, 50, 51, 58, 61 (out of all of them), 62 and 63 (for a&a), 64 (for ginger tea) 68, 69, 72, 73, 74, 75, 76, 78, 79

so many !! fjdsklaf (ask meme here) i'll put most of the answers under a read more cause its long

1. Do you daydream a lot before you write, or go for it as soon as the ideas strike?

oh i daydream for sure. my fics tend to start as a single paragraph elevator pitch, basically, in my brainstorming document. And i'll daydream and experiment a little at what scenes that would include, what character interactions, different moods and settings—the Vibes. then i can start outlining. even though i can type quickly, my thoughts still move faster, and i feel i need to think things out before i start typing something and forget the other ideas in my head

6. What's the last line you wrote?

"The infant whimpers in the arms of the woman beside the pulpit. Snufkin eyes flick to her for a moment, Moomintroll sees. He adjusts the large scarf across his shoulders. His words stumble, just a little." — from a&a

7. Post a snippet from a wip.

Moomintroll’s paw twitched on the small of Snufkin’s back. Squeezed slightly. Hardly daring, Snufkin pressed his forehead into Moomintroll’s chest, breathing in his scent. Light, at first, and then sinking in. Fresh bread and laundry soap. A tinge of alcohol on his breath.

13. Do you listen to music while you write?  If yes, what have you been listening to recently?

I used to (as in just two years ago) be able to listen to music or have old youtube videos on in the background as I wrote. I wrote about half of "chlorine & corticosteroids", probably, with jenna marbles videos playing in the background. but something changed in my brain and now i need Silence or maybe a looping instrumental song. I like Erik Satie's "Gnossiène no. 3".

14. What is your favorite location and position to write in?

Most often, I write in my room, crouched over or lying on my stomach very babygirl. Favorite though is writing in the patio of my local library. Outdoors, nice weather, free wifi and power outlet. I can have a little beverage and look at trees and birds.

18. Do you enjoy research?  Which fic of yours required the most research?

As we both know, of Course i enjoy research jfdskla the one that required the most was probably "chlorine & corticosteroids" actually. It was the longest fic I had written at the time, so there were more little details I wanted right. Also it was about ulcerative colitis, a condition I don't have, so I wanted to do research to get it right. Medical information, of course, but also forums and reddit threads and tumblr posts by people with UC to get a feel for actual life with it. The experience of being on a low-fiber medical diet, of EDCs relating to fecal incontinence and ileostomy bags. Also also because I set it in Flagstaff, Arizona: a place I have never been to. So I spend a lot of time on google maps looking at different neighborhoods and bus routes and knowing where everything in the city was. I might have spent more time researching a&a, but i think the research for c&c was more necessary. then again, i did read whole books for a&a so. idk.

22. Do you title your fics before, during, or after the writing process?  How do you come up with titles?

already answered !

23. Is writing the beginning, middle, or end of the story easiest? Hardest?

I do this thing, for the beginning of a story (or chapter) that I have the outline establish a few sentences, then start writing what is functionally the second paragraph. And then I can never think of a good first line, so I just make that "second" paragraph into the first. And I feel it usually works? I think it skips the boring little establishing bits and catches interest better. Wrt outlining though and broader plots? I don't really think the beginning, middle, or end is the hardest. I'll have really strong visions for specific scenes, and I just have to figure out how to fill in between them. I guess most of those are in the middle, but the middle is also just the biggest part of the story, so I don't think it's fair to say it's the hardest for that.

25. What’s your favorite part of the writing process (worldbuilding, brainstorming/outlining, writing, editing, etc)?

Worldbuilding can be fun because of all the research, but I feel sometimes I get too in the weeds and lose steam. I try to reign myself in and research as I go when needed. I write my outline and a notable amount of prose all at once, bouncing around a little, and then the outline is simply cannabalized by the prose.  I do that especially with dialogue, where I write most of the actual "script" so to speak on my first pass and then add the tags and pacing sentences after. I think that first pass is the most exciting, where I can see the story change from ideas in my head into a more concrete vision.

26. What’s your least favorite part of the writing process?

when i write and can't immediately think of what joins moments together, i'll fill it in with a placeholder, like [few sentences] or [transition]. sometimes they're more specific, like [back and forth about scheduling] but sometimes i don't have an idea for what goes there. and sometimes filling in those gaps is like pulling teeth

27. What area of writing do you feel strongest in?

mood and tone, i think, are my strongest. the sort of atmosphere and how the air hangs and all that

28. What area of writing do you want to improve in?

I definitely do want to get more comfortable writing sex scenes. I think they're a rich vein of narrative and character and symbolic importance and I want to practice that more. I also want to get better at more complex narratives. All my stories, mostly given their length, have only had the capacity for a single plot, and maybe small threads of others. In a few years, I'd like to be able to write something with definite A and B plots.

29. What’s something about your writing that you’re proud of?

answered here !

30. How much do you edit your fics?  Do you edit as you write or wait until you finish the first draft?

This kind of goes back to the outline turning into the prose. Usually I get a sentence in that's just very plain text what happens, and then I'll go in after and backfill actual prose. And usually I know as I write what spots need reworking, and I'll leave a comment to myself (e.g. "rephrase" or "move to [x] paragraph" or "would he be this direct"). Or it'll simply be a word that I want to run in a thesaurus cause the perfect word isn't coming to me at the moment but I don't want to lose momentum so I just flag it for later. But I don't think I do a lot of editing tbh. Sometimes I read over finished chapters to catch repetitive lines and such, but a lot of big structural editing I do as I write in the outline stage.

35. What’s your favorite fic you’ve posted? (L)

Favorite that I've posted might be "Black Cohosh". I think it was a change in direction into the kind of stuff I really enjoy writing now: a sort of moody, introspective piece weighted with symbolism. Also bees. I also really like "chlorine & corticosteroids" in the sort of same-but-opposite way. It's definitely a modern piece with a modern voice, and I think it has a good tonal balance between the humor and affection of Jesse and Lake becoming close and the weight of Jesse facing his dangerous people-pleasing and Lake's and Tulip's experiences with ableism.

36. What fic are you proudest of? (L) 

Proudest of is definitely a&a. It's the longest thing I've written and the most unapologetic, I think. It took a lot to include the plot points I was nervous about, but I think it was worth it

37. What fic has been the hardest for you to write?

answered here !

42. What’s your favorite title that you’ve come up with?

I think "Sweetpea & Daffodil" is a good title on the floriographic front. "gratitude & please return my affection" really fits the theme of what happens in it, the letters to ones own disabled body which read like two lovers in pain and desperate to make it work. tbh i think my floriographic titles have all been pretty apt, cause these emotions are exactly what the code is built for. Yellow rainflower standing for friendship but also betrayal, undying love but also infidelity. Lavender symbolizing devotion and distrust. I also like "chlorine & corticosteroids" for its contrast, showing the two very different worlds of Jesse and Lake respectively, and seeing them interact.

43. Is there a trope or idea that you’d really like to write but haven’t yet?

Oh I have a wip called "Common Courtesy", focused on Snufkin and Pappa's interactions, where Pappa Does An Ableism and then instead of actually apologizing, builds a ramp to Moominhouse, and is a little Too expectant of praise for it. Getting into infrastructural segregation and Moominpappa's inability to apologize and just. Seeing these two very different but equally stubborn men interact.

49. What fic of yours would you say is the best introduction to you as a writer?

I think "Ginger Tea and Parsley Oil" is a decent introduction to the style and topics that I like to go into. lmao i just read it again and ive definitely gotten better (so much of it feels clunky to me now!) but i think that's a good an entry as any

50. How would you describe your writing style?

A part of my writing style I've put a lot of focus on for years is word choice. There's a sort of emotional depth, I think, that can be found in words that sound a little unnatural. As if each one had a pause before you spoke it. My backburner OC story Ink Blots has a significant portion of dialogue between people speaking in a mutually non-native lingua franca, so there's always this sort of haze of people translating things in their head, how this translation affects how they speak. And I think that's something that I've transferred into my fic writing too. 

51. Does what you like to write differ from what you like to read?

For sure! tbh i haven't been reading much fic lately, but books I like to read are often different than what I write. I've liked Kurt Vonnegut for many years now, who has a much more blunt style than I do: much shorter word length and simple grammar. And I love Jane Austen, who writes very differently from me in both content (satires about the English landed gentry) and style (quippy dialogue and sometimes meandering prose). I've also enjoyed epistolary novels, like Dracula and Ella Minnow Pea. I've never written epistolary works before, but it seems fun

58. Do you have a favorite piece of figurative language you’ve written?

hard to pick! i use a lot of it fdjaskl i'd say one i like is in a&a chapter 16:

There's a single word sitting in the middle of the table. It's heavy. The wooden legs creak and groan under its weight. Moomintroll fears putting anything else down even a little too roughly will make the table collapse.

i think it's evocative, effective, and i was able to play with it the whole rest of the chapter with characters' interactions with the physical table they were sitting at mirroring their approaches and avoidances of the topic at hand

61. In [all of your fics], what’s your favorite scene that you wrote?

idk about favorite cause that's a tough question, but i really like the scene in "Yellow Rainflower" where Alicia and Snufkin are talking at night about why Snufkin took so long to come back and never even wrote her. I think it was good move into the stuff I like to do now: conversations beginning to put equal or more weight into what is unsaid than what is actually said.

62 .In [acacia & asphodel], is there a deleted scene/idea you wish you could have included? Why did it get cut?

Oh when I was figuring out a&a, I wasn't really sure of its format. Would it be a one-shot series, a single piece, something in between? I have a bunch of little ideas but there are two I am a little sad to see go. One is where Alicia takes in a stray cat, and there's some fun little banter between them over it. But it's one that includes Sisu as a toddler so when I narrowed the scope of the fic to just the pregnancy and Sisu's first few days of life, I had to cut it cause it wouldn't make sense for her to do it then. Another is a sort of scrapped epilogue, where Moomintroll paints Snufkin giving Sisu a bath in the sink. I cut it cause for one just like before it required Sisu to just be a little bit older (though by just a few months), and also it was redundant with the closing chapter I have already. Also it felt a little too neat and tidy, and I wanted a more ambiguous ending that signified another beginning, not something that could read more as a happily-ever-after.

63. What was the hardest part of writing [acacia & asphodel]?

answered here !

64 . If you rewrote [Ginger Tea] now, would you change anything?

I like Parsley Oil as it is alright, but I think I would restructure Meadowsweet. More internal monologue, less verbal monologue. I think there are things that Snufkin would think but not say out loud that I had him say out loud and are just a little Too Vulnerable for him to voice.

68. Are there any fics that influenced you to write the way you do?

I feel like that would be really hard to trace. I've read a lot of fic jfkdlsa I like to read through entire tags of a fandom (a character or ship or another tag), or sometimes the entire fandom's tag on ao3. I think looking at different fandoms though, my writing style is very influenced by Pathologic fics I've read. The symbolism and the moodiness and the weight and the politics are all,I feel, lifted more from those works than a lot of Moomin fics.

69. What are your favorite fics at the moment?

i'm not reading any fics at the moment jfkdsl  favorites that i've had, though, include "Gracilis", "Darling, Oh", "The Little Book of Daffodils", and "Moss". I also really like Weevilo707's Infinity Train fics.

72. What’s your favorite writing compliment you’ve gotten?

I love getting complimented on symbolism, especially when it's something I didn't really notice myself doing. Like when I was doing it, I knew something was meaningful and important and so put it in, but I couldn't articulate how, and then I see someone put all my own thoughts into words. It really reminds me of why I love sharing my writing—I love the collaborate discussion and the enthusiasm with which I can talk to my friends about it.

73. What do you tend to get complimented on the most about your writing?

Often symbolism—especially lately, cause a&a has had a lot of symbolism and narrative parallels, and I love talking about that. I also get compliments on research (of course) and on specific gut-punch lines, often at a chapter's end.

74. Do you have a fic you wish got a bit more love?

answered here !

75. Is there a particular fic that readers gravitated towards that you didn’t expect?

answered here !

76. How do you deal with writing pressure, whether internal or external?

I think the external pressure I face writing is not in regards to writing what gets more attention—I've tried writing it and know it does better but also I know it doesn't feel as rewarding or interesting to write—but in avoiding topics of controversy. Including sex scenes, discussions of sex work and of eugenics and abortion, showing sexual harassment and antisemitism, depicting the common instances of ableism that I'm certain a notable amount of my readers have performed themselves. The controversial stuff, the kind of stuff that gets strangers to rally against you, can be scary to share. Internally, sometimes I do feel pressure to keep to a publishing schedule, feeling like I "owe" readers a regular update. But ultimately, I know that's not true. I'm a regular guy and a pretty busy one at that. Writing a novel for fun and for free? This is something I'll do when I have time and if I treat it too much like another job then I'll lose my love of it.

78. What motivates you during the writing process?

for general writing, the sort of "get-er-done" motivation, I like to get inspired. I read my old stuff, I listen to the playlists that I made, I make amvs in my head. Something that will get me emotionally invested in the art. There's also the motivation wrt the content of what I write, and for that I keep thinking about this anon I got, a disabled person who was really touched by the first sex scene in a&a, saying they hadn't felt represented in a sex scene before. That's just a really poignant thing for me, to be able to make another disabled person feel seen. Stuff like that, hearing from other disabled people, seeing our shared experiences—that's really motivating too, encouraging me to keep writing what I'm writing, because while it might be niche, there's an audience that really cares.

79. Do you have any writing advice you want to share?

One of the biggest things that's helped me is analyzing the writing of other's—stuff you like, stuff that's just not your taste but effective, and stuff that just sucks. Why do certain things work and others not? Where's the line between personal taste and common consensus—and is that line where you feel it should be, and why that? I've loved film analysis, and video essays about films. I think that sort of critical thinking is really helpful for knowing how to construct your writing. (robin ?? suggesting research ??? who could have guessed)

#ask meme #long post #birdsong #asked and answered #ask #a&a #acacia & asphodel

[slicing-clovers]

KNOWING YOUR PARTNER WELL CAN POTENTIALLY MAKE WRITING TOGETHER A LOT EASIER. ( REPOST, DO NOT REBLOG ! )

NAME: Leiter / Pownan

PRONOUNS:  he/him

PREFERENCE OF COMMUNICATION:  Discord!

NAME OF MUSE(S):  Derren, Karen, Sung-jin, Erina, and soon, a good few more :D

EXPERIENCE / HOW LONG (MONTHS/YEARS?):  I’m rather proud to say that I’ve been working at this specific blog for over five years now.

PLATFORMS YOU’VE USED:  I initially started in Discord DMs back in 2017 before making the move to Tumblr. A very heartfelt thanks to my friend @monmuses for suggesting it to me in the first place. It’s opened up an entire new way for me to write, one that I never previously thought I would have the chance to enjoy.

BEST EXPERIENCE: There’s a fair few of them, but one that’s stood out to me has been the reunion between Derren and Tanith, also from @monmuses. After a good couple years of doing their own thing, they’ve been spending more time together, and are currently leaning into a full ship! :D

RP PET PEEVES / DEALBREAKERS: Things leaning on ludicrously (emphasis on ludicrous) overpowered and hypertalented characters, and community drama.

FLUFF, ANGST, OR SMUT: Alas, fluff has basically turned into my darn bread and butter for this blog. Just getting the chance to see my characters enjoying their time together with those of my friends never fails to bring a smile to my face. As for angst, I’ve only had at it rather sparingly, but I wouldn’t be opposed to experimenting with it, or even simply doing more serious-feeling threads. Now, as for smut... I only write that whenever the feeling happens to strike myself and a fellow trusted mutual. Aye, the blog’s there, but I’ll only be opening that up to those that are of age, and even then, those I can feel comfortable delving there with.

PLOTS OR MEMES: I used to work with plots more often, but I now lean towards memes that somewhat spin themselves into plots of their own. Maybe I ought to touch back on plotted stuff again sometime– I’m sure it’ll make for nice writing exercises.

LONG OR SHORT REPLIES: As I’ve gained experience, I’ve tended towards longer paragraph-style replies. From these, I hope to make enough information for my roleplay partners to make a new reply off of, though I’m also happy with trying to match reply lengths.

BEST TIME TO WRITE: Since I’m currently in university as of my writing this post, a fair few of the courses I’ve taken have been oriented more towards the morning through to the afternoon. For weekdays, I therefore find that the best time for me to write is in the evening, usually around dinner time and before I go to bed every day. As for weekends, however, I can often expect myself to be able to write throughout both days.

ARE YOU LIKE YOUR MUSE(S): Oh, quite.

• Derren was actually slowly developed off of a self-insert I created back in 2017 while roleplaying in Discord. His personality has flipped around a lot since then, going from mellow to formal to grumpy, then back to formal, and then back to mellow. Funny how that works.

• Karen, on the other hand, was spun off of a hypothetical genderbend of him before turning into her own muse entirely– a lot of her seniority as an older sister to him is based off of my experiences with my older brother. 

• Erina carries inspiration from my work as an anthropology major, dabbling in biomedical anthropology specifically. 

• Lastly, as for Sung-jin, he has much of the casual air I often feel comfortable carrying around my friends, and has also inherited my intense love for food and the art of cooking.

Tagged by: @monmuses and @redgentleengie (Big Danku™ to you both :D) Tagging:  Y O U !  Go ahead and have at it yourselves!

#//spectacled façade: mun #//gathering round the campfire: dash game #long post

[ellaintrigue]

So I wrote about this fellow the other day: https://ellaintrigue.tumblr.com/post/698079001366937600/annnnd-the-fun-continues-again-its-not-about-me

He turned me off with all his poo talk… but, see, if we had been friends and not flirting I would have shrugged it off. But yesterday here he comes back, wanting to talk sexy again. So I told him why I was no longer feeling it because he asked. I honestly hoped that we could just move on and do our usual chit chat since he lives in Ohio anyway.

He was mad, which I do understand. I probably sounded like a huge bitch. But here’s the thing, sometimes we need to get called out. I went on a date with a guy in 2017 and after the date he pretty much went psycho because I wasn’t answering texts fast enough. He said all kinds of mean things like he should have fucked me and thrown me away, but then he called me a stinky bitch. Well, that made me wonder. So I asked my boss, “hey, Lorraine, do I stink?” And she said yes, she could smell my armpits. But instead of getting defensive I just started using deodorant. I had never used it because for some reason my mother and I never had an odor there. But I grew one so I had to do something about it. That guy was an asshole but if we hadn’t fought and he had just said, “hun, your armpits have an odor” I would have been like oh shit and corrected it.

So first off this diarrhea guy told me about how he was helping his single mom friend, which is fine. I was having a hellish time and was kind of hinting he should ask about my day but he never did. He was typing long paragraphs about this woman and saying that her baby daddy and baby daddy’s dad beat her up and took her kid away but she didn’t go to the police because she was ACAB.

…What?! I’m not a fan of the police either but if I got my ass beat and my baby kidnapped I’d damn sure fucking call them! So to me it sounds like one of those single parents that likes to play victim but not do anything to help themselves or their kid. So I’m not jealous of their interactions but he’s getting sucked into a toxic situation honestly. That’s strike one.

Then he doesn’t talk to me for a couple of days, nor ask me about my hard time still (part of my house went up and it was hellish, replaced toilet, etc.) and comes back with the literal shit talk. That’s when I broke it down for him like hey, you were more focused on telling me about your friend’s drama than asking about me, and I don’t wanna hear about your poo.

He completely missed the point about the poo and said I had said things to him he didn’t like too. I mentioned my nose rupture from covid complications and a couple of other things here and there but never details of going to the bathroom.

And, also, it’s about context. I’ve dated guys with digestive issues but it was like, “I hurt and I’m having trouble going to the bathroom,” not talking about “splatters” and laughing about it.

You like a girl, you’re getting to know her well, and then you describe in graphic detail how you shit yourself. And mind you, I didn’t post all the conversation where he talked about the single mom or pooping. It went ON AND ON. So yeah, of course I’m not perfect but you gotta know when to read the room.

I was deciding if I was even attracted to the guy when he did all of that and I’m not going to lower my standards for anyone. And that type of immaturity is probably going to stick forever. He blocked me after that last emo paragraph but I blocked him too, just in case. Men are entitled and tend to take me for granted like they can act out then just come back.

Nope, not this time.

#Gross #Cringe #Fail #Dating #Screenshot #Vile

[icinch]

8 Ways to Beat Writer's/Blogger's Block

New Post has been published on https://www.cinchhomebiz.com/8-ways-to-beat-writers-bloggers-block/

8 Ways to Beat Writer's/Blogger's Block

I like to write. Heck, to be honest I LOVE to write. Yet sometimes I hate it as well – like when I HAVE to write another newsletter and I’m thinking I just don’t know what to say.

That’s why I like to find ideas that jog me into writing, and I share them with you here. Because I know if I sometimes have trouble writing, then those who aren’t that fond of putting words to paper must sometimes prefer to get a root canal than write another article or blog post. So take heart, here are 8 suggestions that should get your typing fingers flying and your blog readers happy they stopped by your site.

Be impulsive. If you write on a frequent basis, then there should be a part of your brain that’s always on the lookout for ideas, rants, complaints, laughs, etc. When inspiration strikes, WRITE. Yes, right then and there. If you can’t, then at least make lots of notes for later, and at the first available chance sit down and type it out. You can always polish it up later.

Some of my best writing has been where I feel possessed of spirit and the words simply fly into my head of their own accord. It’s almost like magic, but if I don’t immediately type them out then I lose both the spirit and the enthusiasm, and usually the post or article never does get written.

So be impulsive and write the moment the spirit strikes. You may not even know at first where it’s going, but that’s okay. Odds are you’ll be pleasantly surprised.

Question everything. Question authority, rules, the way things are and the way things are done. Always be asking yourself “Why?” Why are things this way? Why do we do it this way? Is there a better way? And so forth. Even if you don’t have the answer, sometimes simply asking the questions can make for a terrific post. Break rules. Above, we’re questioning rules, and this goes one step further. Is your blog about weight loss? We all know there’s a rule that you be kind to everyone, regardless. But sometimes people need tough love, and maybe your next post should be how grossly obese people need to sit down and write their obituaries because odds are really good that they’re not going to live all that long.

And before you send me an email telling me that I should not have said what I just did, I recently read a news story in which a doctor, a DOCTOR, told his patient to write his obituary and it was exactly what the guy needed to lose 376 pounds. So yes, sometimes it’s more than okay to break the rules.

Combine unlikely things. This is the peanut butter and chocolate trick, or the apple pie and cheese trick. Take two ideas, concepts, or whatever that normally do NOT go together, combine them and see what happens.

For example, if your website is all about how to raise money for non-profits, find out what the greediest people in the world do to acquire their fortunes, and then see how that knowledge might be appropriately used to raise funds.

Just write. I know I’ve mentioned this one before, but it’s so good I’ve got to say it again – just sit down and start writing, even if you don’t have a single solitary clue what you’re going to write about. Odds are the first few paragraphs will throw away nonsense, but soon something will emerge from your subconscious that’s been dying to get out. I’ve used this technique many times, and it seldom fails me.

Make an outline. If you’ve got your topic and you have an idea of what you’re going to say, then by all means make an outline. Once you’ve got it, just fill it in. And no, you don’t have to write it in order – pick a section of the outline, write that section, pick another section and so forth. Making the outline first is a dynamite way to then write quickly and nearly effortlessly. Plus you’ll get to see early if your idea is worth writing about or not.

Be crazy. Okay, so this crazy idea popped into your head, and you just KNOW that it’s silly, but what if? That is, what if it’s not so silly after all? We tend to dismiss our crazy ideas too quickly sometimes rather than see them through. And here’s something worth remembering – every great achievement started out as someone’s “crazy idea.” So go ahead, follow through and see what happens.

Chunk it. Write non-stop for a certain length of time, such as 20 minutes or 30 minutes, and then take a 5 minute break. Knowing that you cannot stop writing for that period of time makes you focus and get to work, and knowing you have a break coming up soon makes it all tolerable, even on days when you especially don’t feel like writing.

There you have it… 8 ways to beat writer’s/blogger’s block. Now get to writing, will ya! 🙂

[grabyourluck-blog]

8 Ways to Beat Writer's/Blogger's Block

New Post has been published on https://www.referral-master.com/8-ways-to-beat-writers-bloggers-block/

8 Ways to Beat Writer's/Blogger's Block

I like to write. Heck, to be honest I LOVE to write. Yet sometimes I hate it as well – like when I HAVE to write another newsletter and I’m thinking I just don’t know what to say.

That’s why I like to find ideas that jog me into writing, and I share them with you here. Because I know if I sometimes have trouble writing, then those who aren’t that fond of putting words to paper must sometimes prefer to get a root canal than write another article or blog post. So take heart, here are 8 suggestions that should get your typing fingers flying and your blog readers happy they stopped by your site.

Be impulsive. If you write on a frequent basis, then there should be a part of your brain that’s always on the lookout for ideas, rants, complaints, laughs, etc. When inspiration strikes, WRITE. Yes, right then and there. If you can’t, then at least make lots of notes for later, and at the first available chance sit down and type it out. You can always polish it up later.

Some of my best writing has been where I feel possessed of spirit and the words simply fly into my head of their own accord. It’s almost like magic, but if I don’t immediately type them out then I lose both the spirit and the enthusiasm, and usually the post or article never does get written.

So be impulsive and write the moment the spirit strikes. You may not even know at first where it’s going, but that’s okay. Odds are you’ll be pleasantly surprised.

Question everything. Question authority, rules, the way things are and the way things are done. Always be asking yourself “Why?” Why are things this way? Why do we do it this way? Is there a better way? And so forth. Even if you don’t have the answer, sometimes simply asking the questions can make for a terrific post. Break rules. Above, we’re questioning rules, and this goes one step further. Is your blog about weight loss? We all know there’s a rule that you be kind to everyone, regardless. But sometimes people need tough love, and maybe your next post should be how grossly obese people need to sit down and write their obituaries because odds are really good that they’re not going to live all that long.

And before you send me an email telling me that I should not have said what I just did, I recently read a news story in which a doctor, a DOCTOR, told his patient to write his obituary and it was exactly what the guy needed to lose 376 pounds. So yes, sometimes it’s more than okay to break the rules.

Combine unlikely things. This is the peanut butter and chocolate trick, or the apple pie and cheese trick. Take two ideas, concepts, or whatever that normally do NOT go together, combine them and see what happens.

For example, if your website is all about how to raise money for non-profits, find out what the greediest people in the world do to acquire their fortunes, and then see how that knowledge might be appropriately used to raise funds.

Just write. I know I’ve mentioned this one before, but it’s so good I’ve got to say it again – just sit down and start writing, even if you don’t have a single solitary clue what you’re going to write about. Odds are the first few paragraphs will throw away nonsense, but soon something will emerge from your subconscious that’s been dying to get out. I’ve used this technique many times, and it seldom fails me.

Make an outline. If you’ve got your topic and you have an idea of what you’re going to say, then by all means make an outline. Once you’ve got it, just fill it in. And no, you don’t have to write it in order – pick a section of the outline, write that section, pick another section and so forth. Making the outline first is a dynamite way to then write quickly and nearly effortlessly. Plus you’ll get to see early if your idea is worth writing about or not.

Be crazy. Okay, so this crazy idea popped into your head, and you just KNOW that it’s silly, but what if? That is, what if it’s not so silly after all? We tend to dismiss our crazy ideas too quickly sometimes rather than see them through. And here’s something worth remembering – every great achievement started out as someone’s “crazy idea.” So go ahead, follow through and see what happens.

Chunk it. Write non-stop for a certain length of time, such as 20 minutes or 30 minutes, and then take a 5 minute break. Knowing that you cannot stop writing for that period of time makes you focus and get to work, and knowing you have a break coming up soon makes it all tolerable, even on days when you especially don’t feel like writing.

There you have it… 8 ways to beat writer’s/blogger’s block. Now get to writing, will ya! 🙂

[sophsicle]

POST THE SCENE PLEASEE( obviously only if you want to)

Okie dokie, idk how actually interesting this will be, but this was Reg and Snape emotional bonding take one (the 1st paragraph is in the final draft and then it's all cut stuff, just so there's some context): tw homophobic language

Regulus lets the awkward silence linger for a moment longer before he starts tidying up the mess they’ve made. They’re starting with a single batch, and if that turns out as planned they’ll figure out how to mass produce the stuff. It’s a delicate science, potions, making large quantities of something requires more thought than simply doubling the recipe.

Snape huffs behind him. “I’ve never understood why potions’ labs are always in basements and dungeons. Places without windows. It gets so fucking hot.”

Regulus turns around just in time to catch Snape pulling off his black jumper, which, in all honesty, is so full of holes it can’t really be providing that much heat. Snape has his back to Regulus, and when he yanks the jumper over his head his shirt pulls up, revealing a series of neat scars along his spine. About the thickness of a belt.

Regulus feels himself stiffen. He isn’t sure if it’s the hangover or withdrawal, but by the time Snape turns around again he still hasn’t managed to get his expression under control. Snape’s eyes narrow in on Regulus’s face immediately, and then, as if realizing what must have happened, he goes pale.

Paler than usual.

Neither of the boys seem to know what to say, the pair locked in some kind of weird staring contest. As if sensing the tension Boo walks slowly to Regulus’s side, pressing close enough that Regulus can feel all the good that makes him up. Easing his nerves.

Eventually Snape looks away, seemingly angry and embarrassed at the same time. “I’d rather we not talk about this.”

“Get into a fight with someone?”

“Are you deaf Black?”

“Not that I’m aware of. Those don’t look like magical wounds.”

“Yes, very clever,” Snape walks towards the shelves on the other side of the room, senselessly moving things around like that will make Regulus shut up. If only it were that easy.

“You got into a physical fight with someone?”

Snape doesn’t respond, just continues to muddle about, movements jerky and agitated.

“You don’t really strike me as the fighting type. Except when it came to—“ James.

At that slip-up Snape does turn around, sneering, lips curled over his teeth. “No, not since him. You know, I never could figure out what went on between the pair of you. Though clearly he lost interest,” Snape gives him a withering look. “Not that you really could have expected more, being what you are.”

Regulus’s jaw clicks as he clenches his teeth. “What I am?” he asks flatly.

There is a triumphant vindictiveness in Snape’s eyes. “Poof.”

It doesn’t hurt. Never really has. Except when it was coming out of Sirius’s mouth.

“Oh yeah,” Regulus says dryly, “because being heterosexual has worked out so well for you.”

Snape’s expression sours, impressive, considering it was already pretty sour to begin with. He doesn’t appear to have a comeback.

“But those scars aren’t James’s handiwork,” if his voice tightens when he says James’s name he pretends not to notice. “So who was it then?” because fuck Snape if he thinks he deserves respect. Or privacy. Or consideration. From Regulus of all people.

Snape keeps glaring, and Regulus is fairly certain he’s going to tell him to fuck off, which is why he’s surprised when Snape says; “My father hates magic.”

It makes so little sense to Regulus that all he can do is stare at the other boy. Taking far too long to fully process what’s just been said. “Your father hates magic,” he repeats slowly. “Your father.”

Snape looks about ready to murder someone, probably Regulus, though he’s not making eye contact with him at the moment. Regulus flounders for a minute, probing his brain for what to say next, what exactly to do with this information.

“You didn’t heal them?” he says dumbly, because they aren’t cursed, so he could have. Could have made them disappear. Snape’s expression falters, like he’s ashamed of that fact.

“My mum,” Regulus goes on, sure he’ll regret this. “She used to check,” that causes Snape’s eyes to come back to his. “Make sure they were still there. Something about consequences or toughening up, I don’t know. I was always crying too much to pay attention.”

Snape is looking at him—looking not glaring, which is new—but it still takes a painfully long time before he speaks. The words coming out of him like pulling teeth.

“Using magic would just make him worse. So I…I let them scar. Easier.”

“Isn’t your father a Wizard?”

Snape lets out a derisive snort. “Only technically.”

Another silence falls between them and honestly Regulus doesn’t know what possesses him to keep speaking but despite his better judgement words tumble out of his mouth. “Sirius, when he got back from Hogwarts, used to heal himself just to spite her. To show her he wasn’t afraid.”

“Moron,” Snape mutters.

Regulus shrugs. “Bit, yeah. Though you’re not much different,” ah, the glaring is back. “You could have fought him. If he was as bad at magic as you say, you could have overpowered him easily.”

“Fuck you.”

“I’m just saying, my mother and father are two of the most powerful wizards I know, we didn’t really stand a chance, but you, you could have fought. But you didn’t. Why? To prove to him that you could take it? That you weren’t afraid?”

“It wasn’t about him,” Snape snarls.

Ah.

His mum then.

“If I fought him he just—“ clenched teeth. It’s clear that Snape hates this. Hates every minute of it. “He would just take it out on her.”

Well, maybe Severus Snape does have a heart after all. A tiny one. But still.

“See that,” Regulus goes on, hating the jealousy boiling in his gut. “That is a very Sirius thing to do.”

“I am nothing like your pathetic brother,” Snape practically spits on the floor.

Regulus doesn’t bother arguing. “Suit yourself.”

Snape is clearly seething with resentment and Regulus feels a little bad but honestly he fucking deserved it. To be cut open. To be made vulnerable.

Regulus leans back against the table behind him and lets out a humourless laugh, causing Snape to arch his brow.

“Who would have thought,” Regulus says sardonically, “that you and I would have something in common?”

Snape does not seem overly pleased by this. “Yes,” he says, with some degree of disgust. “Who would have thought.”

#choices #soph rambles

[excavatinglizard]

I wasn't sure if I'd work up the nerve to post this (blame my brain) but honestly, Day 6: Fake Relationship is just the best excuse out there. How could I not?

A cover design for @fireinmywoods​' fic Palimpsest. Please please go read it.

Some of my thoughts under the cut, with spoilers for the fic itself. Don't open if you haven't read it!

Oh my god I’m so sorry but this is such a long rant about a pretty simple picture. I’m just bored and I love getting to explain my thought process over the hours it takes to draw and I usually try to stop myself. Anyway, yeah, I promise it’s not as deep as i make it all sound here.

Recently I went: You know what? If I'm going to have Palimpsest on my kindle it damn well needs a cover. I went through a couple concept doodles before settling on this one.

Format: Ok, i haven’t read Palimpsest in a while but I tried to put as much in as I could. The concept of Jim and Bones facing opposite directions is meant to be a bit of a reference to 'read one way and then another'. The original concept doodle actually had them on either side of a spiral maze, but damn it I refuse to draw that much grain. As it is this is definitely a bit of a 'fuck it, squares' moment.

The choice to have Bones facing the camera (viewer? audience? what do I say in this case???) again is literally just because he's the narrator. We’re seeing what he wants to show us from his own point of view. Jim’s face is obscured; we don’t know what he’s really thinking or feeling, only what Bones sees of it.

I’ve already said I refuse to draw too much grain (even though I seem to keep doing it. ITS JUST SO PRETTY), but I KNEW I needed them out in a field. Someone in the discord once mentioned the paragraph:

He tips his head back against the wall and looks out at the corn bordering the schoolyard, vividly green against the backdrop of blue sky, golden tassels swaying lazily in the breeze. Terraforming is a hell of a thing. This place was probably an uninhabitable rock a couple centuries ago, and now it could easily pass for Illinois or Iowa. He wonders how Jim feels about that. All the work the man’s put into leaving his childhood behind, years of striking out deeper and deeper still into the great unknown, only to end up in another damn cornfield.

 Now, I don’t trust a single one of you to not open this before reading, so I’m not going to expound on why this line stuck so firmly in my mind, but just trust that it did and I wanted to include it in the cover. I also pulled some of the imagery I used in the SIEL cover and had them both being a little bit consumed by the grass, sinking in around the ankles.

Color scheme: I don’t know why, but Palimpsest has always given me very warm-colored energy, in the same way that SIEL was always greys and greens. Gold corn, red sunsets, blond hair and endless skies. I also like drawing in warm colors, and it contrasted the SIEL cover nicely. I admit I think of the stories as two parts of a set, and I do so like when series have covers that work together.

Extra details: Take a look at Bones. What have we got?

A med kit. A tricorder. A wedding ring. His colors stand out against the corn and set him apart. I may have tried hard not to spoil anything, but I’m very much not above putting plot points in the fine details. Fight me.

You could probably argue that the black swirl means something, but really I just love the contrast and I think it looks cool. And it makes the text stand out, which i was having trouble with. And fills space. Yep.

Anyway, that’s it, thanks for reading this far if you did! I had a lot of fun with this piece :)

(And I’m so sorry Em if this is coming off as obsessive, I have no excuse other than your writing makes me lose my shit (in a good way). It does not leave my brain)

#mckirk #mckirk fanart #excavatinglizardsart #trektober 2021 #long rambling post #Leonard mccoy #Jim kirk #fireinmywoods #palimpsest #cover illustration

[pikapeppa]

Varric vs. Solas: Wake Up

I watched the Dec 2020 DA4 teaser trailer, heard Varric and SAW MA VHENAN, and I had to write a little something. Behold: a little post-Trespasser, mid-Tevinter Nights chit-chat between Varric and Solas, with a twist.

2400 words. Read here on AO3.

************************

Varric scrawled his signature one last time, then put his plume down with a sigh. He resentfully eyed the pile of documents he’d just finished signing; most of them were orders or requests that Bran could easily have signed on his behalf. Varric suspected that this was his comeuppance for telling Bran that he didn’t care that the new signposts in Lowtown were two centimetres taller than the regulation standards. 

“Not like the signposts will help,” he muttered to himself. “People are gonna get lost in Lowtown no matter what. It’s just the charm of the place.” Sure, maybe the real reason people got lost in Kirkwall was that the city design was based on some old magister’s crazy blood magic plan, but that didn’t bear thinking about right now – or ever, really, considering the other shit going on in the world right now. 

He sighed and regarded his paper-strewn desk. There was the tidy pile of documents he’d just signed, and the untidy larger pile of documents he had yet to review. A little stack of coded letters sat in a tray by his left hand — letters that he’d be sending out by raven once he was done here. And finally, poking out from underneath a dog-eared copy of the latest Randy Dowager, was the long-neglected draft of his most recent chapter of Swords and Shields 2. 

A pang of guilt penetrated his fatigue. It had been months now since he’d sent Cassandra a new chapter. He could try to get a little writing done now, while the Viscount's Keep was quiet in the middle of the night, but his eyes were stinging with tiredness…

Ah, what the hell, he thought. He couldn’t deprive his most loyal reader. He pulled out the chapter pages and quickly skimmed the last one to see where he’d left, off then dipped his plume and began to write. 

He had barely gotten out two paragraphs before he heard a soft knock on his office door – so soft he thought he’d imagined it. When the knock happened again, he looked up warily.

It was almost midnight. Who would be coming to his office this late? Whoever it was, it couldn’t be urgent. If it was urgent, they’d be banging, not knocking quietly. 

He leaned back in his chair and idly ran his thumb over the small stiletto blade he kept in a hidden pocket on his thigh – you could never be too careful these days. “Come on in,” he called. 

The door opened slowly, and a tall hooded figure stepped into his office. “Master Tethras,” the figure said. “It’s good to see you.”

A ripple of shock shot down Varric’s spine. He recognized the voice long before the hood was pushed back, revealing a shiny bald head and a subtly tragic expression.

Solas? he thought incredulously. Solas was here? Here, in his office? Impossible. For years they'd tried fruitlessly to track Solas down using any means available, and even with the knowledge of his last known whereabouts from his encounter with Charter, they hadn’t been able to find him. And now here he was, in Varric’s office, strolling in as casually as though he’d just come out of the rotunda at Skyhold? 

It was ridiculous. Totally ridiculous. But since when did things ever make sense, really?

He quickly gathered his wits and leaned back in his chair. “Chuckles. Funny seeing you here.” He raised an eyebrow. “Or should I call you the Dread Wolf?”

Solas let out a little laugh – a very tired-sounding laugh. “Please don’t.”

Varric smirked. “What, reputation getting too heavy for you?”

“You would know, I suppose,” Solas said softly. “You have written about the crushing weight of a reputation several times over.” 

“Sure have,” Varric said. 

Solas nodded. For a long moment, they were silent as they looked at each other, and Varric got the impression that they were sizing each other up, almost like–

Don’t use a wolf-related simile, Varric scolded himself. He gestured at one of the visitors’ chairs across from his desk. “Have a seat.”

“Thank you,” Solas said. He seated himself on the chair, somehow managing to make his rich dark cloak drape elegantly around himself without making a show of arranging it, and Varric took careful note of the elegance of the gesture. It was… different than the Solas he was used to. More reserved but more powerful at the same time.

Lavellan mentioned he’d changed, he thought. Well, here was the proof. But just how much had Solas changed in the years since Varric had last seen him?

He sat back comfortably. “So,” he said.

“So,” Solas agreed.

Another moment of silence ensued, and the back of Varric’s neck began to prickle. Solas’s expression was calm and neutral, almost alarmingly neutral, and Varric hoped he looked equally unfazed by the strangeness of the current situation. It might be as weird as a giant nug with a beard and a pirate’s hat to be sitting across from an elven god, but Varric didn’t want to show it.

The silence thickened between them. Varric itched to break it, to know what Solas was doing here, but he didn’t want to ask. Something about this visit felt like a power play, and Varric was fairly sure he’d lose if he asked a direct question.

Instead of asking why Solas was in his office, he asked something far more innocuous. “Any interest in a hand of diamondback?”

Solas’s posture relaxed slightly, and he gave Varric a faint smile. “I would like that. Thank you.”

Varric nodded and pulled a deck of worn cards from his desk drawer. He shuffled the cards and dealt a hand, and for the first time in years, Varric and Solas played a game of diamondback together.

They played a couple of hands in silence. Varric won the first round and Solas won the second, and by the time they were on their third, Varric was feeling much more in control of the situation.

He discarded a card and selected another. “It’s been a while, Chuckles. What have you been up to?”

“Travelling, mostly,” Solas said. “Observing. And yourself?”

“Signing my life away,” Varric said dryly, and he nodded to the pile of signed documents on his desk.

Solas’s smile widened slightly. “I see.” He glanced at the unfinished chapter under Varric’s elbow. “You have continued to write as well, I see?”

Varric huffed. “Eh, not really. This is just for Cassandra.”

“For Cassandra exclusively?” Solas said.

Varric nodded. “Aveline — she’s the inspiration for the main character — she demanded that I stop writing it. I told her that making me choose between her and Cassandra would be putting me between a rock and a hard place. Literally.” 

Solas chuckled. The rare sound of Solas’s amusement was strangely familiar, and it only served to highlight the weirdness of the situation.

Varric dealt another hand. “How’s Cole? You seen him lately?”

“Yes,” Solas said. “He is happily dwelling in the Fade once more.”

His tone was very bland, Varric noticed. With Solas, ‘bland’ usually meant ‘something very significant’. Had something happened to Cole, then?

Varric’s gut twisted with concern, but he carefully kept his expression calm. “Tell the kid I said ‘hi’ during your next Fade nap. We miss him around here.”

“I shall,” Solas said softly. “It is your turn.”

Varric nodded and selected a card. They finished the round, which went to Solas this time, and as Varric shuffled the cards, he carefully considered what to say next. Everything he and Solas said to each other involved giving up a piece of information. Even admitting that he and Cassandra were still in touch was a piece of information that could be used – though not one that would be hard to discover even by a fairly poor spy. But in such a fraught situation, Varric needed to be very careful about what he said next.  

It was time to try and unbalance Solas. And there was only one thing — or rather, one person — that had been able to soften Solas up in the past. Would a mention of her still be enough to unbalance this especially placid and self-possessed version of the elven apostate?

Only one way to find out, Varric thought. He dealt out their cards, then looked at Solas. “She’s fine, by the way.”

Solas met his eye. And for a split second, swift as the blink of an eye, an expression crossed his face — an expression that landed like a strike to Varric’s gut. It was a complicated mixture of heartwrenching longing and regret: the kind of regret that could haunt a person for decades. The kind of regret that spoke of near-misses and what-ifs that would never be resolved. 

The kind of regret that could twist and fester in the walls of a once-loved fortress until it became literally monstrous. 

Then, just as quickly as the weight of emotion crossed Solas’s face, it was gone — but not quickly enough for Varric to miss it. 

Solas still cares about Lavellan, Varric thought. This was very useful information to have. If Solas still loved Lavellan, if the Dread Wolf still had some kind of attachment to their world, then there was hope. A little hint of hope, sure, but Varric was well-accustomed to seemingly-hopeless situations by now. 

Hope is good, he thought. Hope’ll keep us going. He couldn’t take any pleasure from this information, though — not when he knew Lavellan still loved Solas too.  

Solas, meanwhile, had returned his now-neutral gaze to his cards. “I’m glad to hear it,” he said. “You see her often, I take it?”

“Nah,” Varric said. “She’s still out in the Hunterhorn Mountains.”

Solas looked up with a tiny frown. “The Hunterhorn Mountains?”

“Yeah,” Varric said. “With the rest of the Seekers. What’s left of them, anyway.”

Solas blinked. Then his face cleared with comprehension — and a whisper of disappointment. “Ah,” he said. “Cassandra. Of course.”

Varric raised his eyebrows in faux-innocence. “Who did you think I meant?”

Solas stared stonily at him, and Varric steadily returned his gaze. Then Solas huffed softly, and a hint of a smile touched the corner of his lips. He looked at his cards once more without replying, and Varric watched him carefully as they played out the remainder of the round, but his face had resumed its unnervingly placid expression.

Varric won the round. When he’d collected the cards once more, he paused and gave Solas a frank look. “Listen, Chuckles, the personal visit is nice, but I’ve gotta wonder what it’s about.” 

Solas leaned back and crossed one ankle over his knee, looking supremely comfortable for an ancient god who had just been called out by a mere mortal. “Truthfully?” he said. “It was an experiment.”

Varric frowned.  This was not what he expected Solas to say. “An experiment?”

“Yes,” Solas said. “I am both interested and somewhat alarmed to see that it worked.”

“Okay,” Varric said slowly. He couldn’t decide whether to be amused or annoyed that Solas was being his usual cryptic self. “So… what happen next, then?”

“That is largely up to you,” Solas said.

“What do you mean?” Varric asked.

“I mean that the choice is yours. It is your mind, after all.” He gestured at the cards in Varric’s hands. “We could continue talking and playing, if you like.”

Varric narrowed his eyes. What did Solas mean, ‘it is your mind’? “And what if I don’t want to?” he said suspiciously. “Are you going to kill me?”

Solas’s smile widened into something indescribably sad. “No, Varric. If you don’t wish to continue playing, then I suggest you wake up.”

Varric jerked and opened his eyes. “What?” he blurted.

Solas didn’t reply. In fact, Solas wasn’t there. 

Disoriented and alarmed, Varric looked around his empty office. What the hell? he thought. So… wait. He was confused. How — what had just happened? He’d been asleep, so how had he been playing cards with Solas? 

A sudden realization gripped him. Thinking or doing things or seeing people while he was asleep: Varric had never done this before. In fact, he didn’t know any dwarf ever who had done that before. 

“Did… did I just have a dream?” he said incredulously to his empty office.

No one answered — of course no one did, because Varric was alone. But… Andraste’s knickers, that had felt so real. If that was a dream, how did humans and elves and qunari stand it every night?

He rubbed his face roughly. He was spooked; there was no denying it. And he couldn’t make sense of how this was even possible. Everyone in Thedas knew that dwarves didn’t dream; it was a fact, like the sky being blue and grass being green. But if Varric had just had a dream, and Solas said it was an experiment… 

Shit, he thought. Maybe that meant Solas was doing some kind of weird new magic, which didn’t bode well. If that was the case, he needed to talk to some mages about this. Good thing Lavellan was in Kirkwall at the moment. He could talk to her and to Dorian through her sending crystal thing, and they could explain what had just happened. 

He stood up and stretched, then quickly locked the coded letters in the hidden compartment in his desk before leaving his office. As he made his way through the silent Viscount’s Keep, he tried to remember what he and Solas had talked about during the dream, but it was becoming indistinct. He remembered playing cards, and he remembered Solas saying it was an experiment, but the things they’d discussed… 

He rubbed his forehead, frustrated that his memory of the dream was so fuzzy. Had they talked about lyrium? Varric didn’t think so. Maybe… maybe about Varric’s books? That was possible. Was it normal for dreams to just disappear so quickly? He thought he remembered humans complaining about this, but Solas always made it sound like his dreams were so clear… 

Then Varric remembered something very clear: the look on Solas’s face when he was thinking about Lavellan. That wistful, yearning expression that spoke of hope and tragedy at the same time — the same expression that Lavellan wore when she thought no one was looking.

His heart sank, and he sighed. It looked like shit was about to get weird again for Lavellan, and soon. Then again, when had shit ever not been weird? 

At least we’re never bored, he thought wryly. With that semi-positive thought in mind, Varric stepped out of the Viscount’s Keep and into the heart of Hightown.  

#varric tethras #solas #da4 speculation #da4 hopes #da4 #post-trespasser #solavellan #solavellan hell #pikapeppa writes #yes i know varric dreaming is implausible #impossible though? i think not

[bluebuckstallion]

the sun will rise again - mlp fic

part two this is part one! part two and so on will be updated/reblogged when they are out! contents: aj and big mac are like. 13 and 15. big mac realizes she is a trans woman, and is guided by applejack, but there is much more to it than just that lol. its also a little hard for her. sappy, feel-good, tough internal conflict but overall happy fic. paragraph one is previewed here, the rest is below the cut! (note: i am aware my blog makes posts a little hard to read bc of a glitch, i am trying to fix it at the moment, i apologize D: i rec reading it on tumblr mobile or highlighting the words as you read, im sorry!)

-

Big Mac shuffled his hooves awkwardly. Racing thoughts fought furiously, cluttering his hurting head, and he put a weary hoof against his temple in an attempt to clear the fog. No avail. It was as strong as ever, the rushing current of rip tide sweeping him in the more he struggled. He insisted he'd never felt this way before, trying violently to shake away the thought, it made him shudder. But deep down somewhere he knew, he couldn't hide this strong feeling he'd become so familiar with. It felt like home, but he was trapped inside with the windows boarded and the floorboards were so old they were making him fall through with every step, and there were thick dusty cobwebs everywhere he tried to rest his burdened hooves. He couldn't leave. Outside of his overflowing head, there was a faint knocking at his door, though he had tuned it out completely. His thoughts whirled, and everything was making *so* much noise, the ceiling fan, the electricity in the walls, the birds outside, even the trees being rustled by the evening wind. Everything was so loud, and so muffled and far away, so close and inside his ears, they twitched eagerly trying to bat the harsh noise away, all collected into one horrid ear-piercing amalgamation of staticy sound. His fur was disturbed by his blankets, and his teeth felt uncomfortable as they grit desperately in an attempt to relax, his eyes were dry despite how much and how hard he was blinking, it felt like even the smallest thing would throw him overboard in this thundering storm of unsettlement. -

The knocking got louder. "Big Mac!" The sound was lost in the chaos of it all, but it prevailed. "Big Mac!" There it was again. It didn't quite reach him yet, though. But my, was it there. Incessant. Pounding. Oh, the headache of it all. Just adding to the pile. It hesitated. "Big Mac." The gentle coo reached him, piercing through the overwhelmingly loud silence in the air, he felt this odd choking sensation in his throat when he registered the voice, so familiar and so loving. But would it continue to be after this? The thought scared him. Fear struck his spine in striking bolts, waves of dread sulked, creeping in and making their nest in his aching body. He was so tired of coming back to this again and again, but it plagued his mind like a cold. He realized his internal monologue had been ongoing - even though it hadn't really spoke - but alas he had been lost in his own downward spiral of paranoia again, and had forgotten to respond. "Yu- uh- eeyup?" he stuttered out like he was drowning, he felt and sounded like a silly foal learning to walk for the first time again. He pushed his hoof lightly against his throat, shocked at his own lack of voice. Usually he was calm and confident, knowing what he wanted to say, despite how little it ever was. However he feared this would give way to his sister finding out, that she would know something was awry with him. "Can I, uh, come in?" the voice questioned. He nodded, then processed he had forgotten to use his words, and managed a sheepish "Yup." "Uh, okay." She responded equally as softly, her voice leaving a tinge of confusion to be interpreted. Applejack trotted in, her hooves making the wood beneath her creak as the old house settled. She nudged the door shut behind her nonchalantly with her back hoof, not taking her gaze off of what was ahead of her. She made a gesture towards Big Mac's bed and tilted her head, knowing he was a horse of few words, moreso when he got this way. And goodness, how he could manage to get into his own head. Applejack understood the feeling, more than he was letting on. Applejack got up and sat down awkwardly, glancing at her hooves as they, too, dragged over one another slowly, she never did like eye contact. Big Mac was more fidgety - he was straight-up restless, as he clapped his hooves together ceaselessly, clicking them atop one another with a hard "Clink." The silence was substantial, but it wasn't like it bothered them, usually. It drove Big Mac up the wall, he was sweating buckets thinking about what Applejack could possibly say. *Did she find out? Does she know? Does she hate me? She hates you. She knows and she hates you. She'll never forgive you. She'll never see you the same-* his thoughts were cut off abruptly. "So, big brother," she chuckled stiffly, "what's on your mind?" Blunt and to the point. She looked upward briefly, catching a glimpse of his face, caught in an uncomfortable twist as his mouth hung downward and his eyes sunk, staring blankly ahead. Neither of them looked at the other, but this again, was not unusual. When she said 'brother,' the word stung like a mosquito bite. It was barely there, but just enough to irritate him. And it grew bigger the more he picked away at it and gave it the time of day. Maybe if he just ignored it it'd heal itself, he thought. Her words in general hung high above his head, and he had forgotten to respond with the way he was over-analyzing it a million different ways inside. What was on his mind, besides this scary, burning question gnawing him alive? He gave a lackluster response to divert any inkling of anxiety, "Oh, nothing," and with that he kicked his back hooves loosely up, and they swung back down heavily in the empty air. What else could he say? The silence sat for a couple of seconds. Too long for Applejack's liking, she was growing a bit impatient with his lack of answers. She looked up and moved her head upward in tune with her eyes, rolling her head from one shoulder to the other as her lips pouted and she let out a quick exhale. She looked down at her teetering hooves again. "Nothing..." she repeated, tapping her hooves together about three times, give or take, she wasn't paying attention. "Oookay.." she said in a quiet tone, and the cadence in her voice had shifted after this minute or two of waiting. She scratched the back of her ear. "Well, if you won't tell me, I'll figure it out myself." She looked up and beamed what was supposed to be a reassuring smile, which came out rather awkward. It fell just as awkwardly. She wasn't the best at conveying emotion, but neither was Big Mac. They had that in common. "Ok, I'll spit it out, rapid-fire," she said funnily, holding her hooves up and moving one in front of the other and back again in tune with the quirky enunciation of the last word. If nothing else, she was making an attempt to lift his low spirit. She inhaled, "Is it about me? About Ma or Pa? *Granny?* Baby Bloom?" and with that she exhaled overexaggeratedly. It took a second, but the half-smile she had faded from her face as he stood there saying nothing, simply folding one hoof over his other arm, rubbing it rigidly and looking away, and what she hoped was not true, had hit her. It was about himself. "Oh.. brother," she whispered to him, "You can tell me anything," she reached her hoof up toward him, pulling it back when it was halfway there as she winced at his lack of response, not even a lean-in to her gesture, but she continued anyway. She gingerly put her hoof on his shoulder. Becoming more confident with her comforting, she rubbed his back gently. "So it's about you?" He took a second, and nodded somberly. "Hey, that's alright. Tell me what's on your mind for real now, when you're ready. If, you're ready." AJ's voice, he found, was quite calming. Big Mac shot a glance at her timidly, then down at her hooves, and back up at her, but he couldn't look too long in order to stop the waterworks from coming. He gulped dryly and looked at the wall, and after the ceiling. He watched the fan dodder decrepitly, but so sure of itself, it's purpose, rotating on it's axis, again, and again, and again. He wished he could be so sure of himself, he wasn't sure if he ever could be, though. And here, he found himself envying the rotating of a ceiling fan. What an interesting moment, he thought sarcastically to himself. Was this really where he was at? He zoned out briefly, watching the blades go in circles, and then snapped himself back to reality with a hard blink, a downward motion of his head, and a squeezing of his hooves. "I..." he started softly and then trailed off. He sighed in dejection. "I- Well, I am me. But... I'm not. I look in the mirror, and it's not me looking back. I know that sounds... stupid, but it's not me. It's not like it isn't who I am, it's just not me. And I, don't know why. I mean I think I do, but I don't - sometimes-" He took a second to collect himself and inhaled, exhaling sharply after, he put his hoof firmly against his chest, as if almost trying to coax the words out. "I'm me, but I'm not. I'm not who I'm meant to be, I, I was born wrong. My body is wrong," he shook his head, like trying to shake the bad thoughts away. "It's not mine. I was born with something wrong about me, outside, inside I'm me, but outside I'm not. But - I'm not bad or anything, it's just that there was something different. And, you know that funny feeling of those butterflies in your tummy when someone you like says your name? I'll get that, but I won't recognize my name as mine, but I do get that feeling when...ponies accidentally call me what they call fillies, even though they don't mean to and fix 'emselves right after, and they act like it's so wrong, but I still get that funny feeling of, goodness. It catches me off guard in the best way... my heart skips a beat. And I know I'm s'posed to like girls, but there was something wrong about me lovin' 'em... it feels like. I feel real guilty-like when I start getting all lovey about one. It feels like I'm not allowed, like there's somethin'.."  he teared up, "different. About me." He emphasized the last word quite significantly. He began to finish, not wordvomitting as much as he was before, instead saying it slowly, as if he was really trying hard to get his thoughts out. "I- I think, I think if I were born in the right body I'd be happier, but I don't want to change me, I just...want to change how people *see me."* Applejack raised her eyebrows and looked down, pushing her hooves together. She couldn't move, and she didn't. Big Mac's welling up had turned to a tear, gently rolling down his cheek. He held his breath, eyes darting back and forth from his sister's gaze - or lack thereof. Applejack held her breath as well. "Big mac, well - gosh." she let out staggeredly, anxiously chuckling, raising her hoof to her chest as she exhaled bluntly. Big Mac felt it coming, Roaring and Crashing. The water was surrounding him still, no matter how subtle it was before, it had been growing this whole time. Internal dread multiplying like a bilious bacteria, out to get him and cover him in it's killing spores. It must've been at least neck-high now. AJ chuckled, "Big Mac, I love you no matter what. You're my family." She looked him in the eyes, "It's gonna be ok." And there was the straw that broke the camel's back. It came through gently, like a soft breeze through his hair in summer, but it broke him so, so ruthlessly. He bit at his bottom lip and released, his mouth turning to a shaky U-shaped frown, and he bawled. Oh, how he bawled. He lunged for his sister's arms, which quickly opened for him to land in. Applejack huffed as the wind left her with his impact, but she regained control of herself and softly smiled, tenderly hugging him back. His head rested on hers, as hers on his. "It's alright big guy," she laughed. "In fact, I think I know exactly what's up." She pushed him off cautiously, and held her hoof against his shoulder. His tears subsided slightly, he wiped them with a trembling hoof. "Have you ever thought that maybe you feel like you're in the wrong body, because you're really a mare? I know nobody sees you that way right now, but I could start if that's who you really are." Big mac's pupils constricted, and he felt a leap in his chest. A mare? He tried so hard to push it out, but he couldn't. A mare. A mare! He let out a small smile, "A mare..." he then promptly shook his head. "But, I can't be. I wish it was that easy, that I could just be a mare, oh I wish so bad AJ," he put his hooves together and shook them, like he was pleading. He pushed her hoof off of him, sighing and speaking again, his voice cracking from the tears and raw emotion, "But I never could. I couldn't. I wish I could, but I'm not allowed to." he sighed defeatedly. Applejack chuckled, "Says who? All it takes is you saying you can. And I'll be honest, I feel like a lot of people don't give it much thought whether they want to be a mare or not - they just are." It all clicked. They, just are. He processed it for a second, and thought, and the thoughts slipped into words, "I'm a mare," he whispered. He smiled, the most genuine smile he'd ever shown. "I'm, a mare." He laughed, looking at Applejack. "A mare! I'm a mare!" His smile faded slightly, "But Applejack, am I still allowed to like other fillies? I figure now I'll have to like colts, that's what I've heard at least, and I really don't want to-" despite his concerns, he still looked quite euphoric. Applejack laughed again, "No, Big Mac, you can still like mares. It doesn't work that way I'm pretty sure." She rubbed the back of her head, "If it's any help, you can do whatever you want... What feels right." She closed her mouth and grinned, waving her hoof in the air dismissively of any negativity, her eyes in the other direction. Stopping, she looked at the ground and fiddled her hooves, "I, I actually know a lot about how you're feeling," she spoke nervously, cautiously, dancing around her words like she had something she didn't want to admit to herself as well. "I, know how you feel - about liking mares and, and the wrong body an' stuff. Feeling like your body isn't yours, it doesn't belong to you and never will, unless you make a big change, or somethin'. I get it. I feel wrong when people say I'm a girl, but I don't reckon I'd feel right with them callin' me a boy or something either - I don't think I really feel like either." She paused, cutting herself off, "I don't expect that to make sense to you, I know it's kind of weird and all." Big Mac thought for a bit, and then nodded, "No, I get it. I mean - I don't, but, I know you're you, no matter what, and I don't care who you are, you're still my sibling." Big Mac smiled nervously, trying to make sure he was doing the right thing. "And you're my sister, Big Mac," Applejack smiled back at him. "Now, how do you feel about me calling you by girl terms? Like, sayin' she, and stuff..." she struggled to think of an example. "Oh! Like, if I meet someone, I'll tell 'em "Oh Big Mac? She's my big sister!" Applejack let out a wide twinkling grin, feeling confident and proud with supporting her sister's feelings. "I, I like that." Big Mac said shyly, and she did. "Wait, how do I do the same for you?" she questioned. Applejack stalled, she really didn't think she'd get this far. "I think... I really like being called he, and brother and such. Although to be honest I'm not your sister and I'm not really your brother, and I still like other fillies - but I'm not one of them, or not in the same way, and - I don't know, it's a little confusing. I think the only way that I'm a filly is in the sense that I'm a mare who likes other mares. I don't really know what any of this is called," he voiced embarrassedly. "I wish I did." Big Mac smirked, "It's okay you don't, I don't know either. And we can learn together, little brother." She fluffed Applejack's hair playfully and her smirk became a toothy smile. Applejack laughed and joined her smiling. "Thanks," he said, quite gratefully. "To be honest, I've known this for a really long time, I just didn't know how to say it," he looked out the window longingly, "I wish I knew how to tell Ma and Pa, or Granny," he laughed a little, "and I don't even know how to tell a baby," he uttered, trying to lighten the mood a little after bringing it back down. Big mac grinned, "Why don't we go out to the orchard, little brother?"

#applejack mlp #big mac mlp #mlp fanfic #mlp fic #mlp writing #mlp au #mlp #applejack #big mac #trans applejack #trans big mac #my little pony #lesbian applejack #lesbian big mac #orchard blossom #trans au #the sun will rise again

[dallonm-archive]

REVELATIONS, REVELATIONS | UPDATE #1

Hello y’all! I refuse to believe it’s been 3 and a half months since I last made an update post for this novel because time is not real :) whoops! This has actually been sat in my drafts for like a month though 

A rundown of things that happened: 

We have a new title! I already went into the meta and possible interpretations (it’s ~ambiguous~), so if you want you can read about that HERE.

I did 3 weeks of Nano and wrote 15k words! On the site I recorded 15053 but I think it was more 15.5k? I’ve edited the original doc now so idk but I’m v happy with that!

After that I took a break and a lot of Life Things happened re a certain pandemic that is taking :) all my motivation :) so I didn’t return to drafting until January. I also really struggled to progress with the story and decided the best thing was to revisit what I already had and work on that

It’s not that the original chapters weren’t working, I was just trying to understand the story for the first time and also Nano was such a hazy blur and I’m 99% sure November didn’t happen. I probably won’t revisit a section this intensely again until I’ve finished the draft but at this stage it really helped because the more I worked on it, the more I understood where it had to go next - I know the structure (for now), the basics for the middle and how the story ends :) hehe :) and I don’t think I’d had those revelations (aha) without revisiting this first part. I got to fall in love with the story all over again and I’m very happy with where it’s going!

This intro is already getting so long so I’m just going to jump straight into it because this update is LONG. I’m talking about all the chapters today even though not all of them are new, but since I’ve learnt a lot about them and this is officially update #1 post-nano, it makes sense to talk about all of them! I’m also going to do a new taglist because I see this as a new set of updates also I am awful at keeping up with taglists so! I’m just tagging friends who have already expressed interest + mutuals who I’m like 99% sure want to stay on so! please let me know if you’d like to be added or removed! 

@kowlazovdi​ @isherwoodj​ @avi-burton-writing​ @pamsdrabbles​ @ryns-ramblings​ @kitblogsthings​ @svpphicwrites​ @aetherwrites​ @radiomacbeth​ @bijouxs​ @writerlywonders​ @haldimilks​ @alicewestwater​ @piyawrites​ @coffeeandcalligraphy​ @shaelinwrites​

usual content warnings for religious trauma and cult discussion, specific CWs will come before excerpts!

So I’m currently working with four parts, and I’ve extended the timeline from one year to four years. This suits the story much better BUT pretty much everything here was written before that decision and I do not have the energy to restructure all of it right now :) Each part is split into two sections, one for each POV. So four parts, 8 sections, Felix and Dorothy get four sections each. I let the structure grow with the story but this one is working very well!

Also I started setting my pages to light green and it was LIFE CHANGING. Much kinder on the eyes and just looks so nice?? Calming?? This post is your sign to set your page colour to light green like LOOK

So we have a prologue now!! The story made a lot more sense once I added this because originally the information we learn was just shoehorned into Chapter 1 in a flashback when really we needed to know this information going into it. That being said I struggled with this for a bit just because to justify a prologue I need that information to be conveyed in a way that is completely unique to the rest of the narrative so I didn’t want to just write this as a flashback. I ended up writing it in 2nd person and it came out in a way where it’s not clear which twins POV it is? Like it’s more of a fusion of both of them where neither of them have their own individual identity beyond “the twins” yet. I can’t tell if this is my funky POV peak or a clarity nightmare but I like it! I want it to only be ~500 words so we can take the risk.

In this they’re fourteen and they do a “blood pact” as a way to symbolically cut themselves from their family (aka: their father) whilst they’re still tethered to it. I really love it because not only is it exactly what these slightly unhinged-but-havent-tapped-into-it-yet, co-dependent-and-dont-realise-it kids would do but it immediately brings up the question of family and what family actually is. I’ve also realised a huge idea in this story is the idea of the tangible and for them, the concept of family and blood isn’t tangible so they struggle to recognise its significance (not that it. has any for them in the first place.) but their relationship, seeing each other bleed and pressing the cuts together is. The writing itself is kinda wonky because of the whole funky clarity nightmare POV but here’s a little taste of the ending:

cw: blood

You’ll slink back into your family room to clean and plaster each other’s hands and you’ll ask yourselves: which bloodstains came from who? Who bled the most and who stopped first? Who will come up with the story for the cuts on your palms and who will dispose the bloodied towel? Who is Dorothy without Felix and who is Felix without Dorothy?

Shiny new first chapter! Originally this was in Dorothy’s POV but now it’s switched to Felix and instead of just showing their reunion (which turns out is....very anticlimactic and not appropriate for an opening lol??) we actually explore Felix’s thoughts an actions after he decides to escape the cult, which was a very impulsive decision and spans about a day and a half. This one is definitely gonna take a few drafts to get right because it’s such a delicate but intense event to write and I’m content with the fact that it’s not There Yet but the prose is! I had a lot of fun writing this chapter and it really helped me get back into the swing of loving this story. There’s something very delicate about it but also very troubling under the surface. The opening gave me a lot of trouble, but the first line hits!

The day Felix decides to leave the sun glows the same, and the pine trees breathe the same, and the chapel cross stabs the sky the same. 

Ironically, a good chunk of the chapter happens outside the cult, as Felix decides to spend his final day taking Lola - a woman his age who is literally the only person he likes lmao - to one of the nearby towns. Whilst the main function of the chapter is to introduce the cult itself, it’s also to show how normalised leaving actually is - it’s just every time he’s left has been temporary, and every time he has left, he still feel separated from this “outside world”. They go to a candy store and a thrift store - where Felix lies about his mom (who he hasn’t seen in 20 years) being in hospital so he can use a phone :) Lola is a new character so I don’t have much to say on her, but all I can say is they are wlw and mlm solidarity but also she knows how to read him 

“I don’t know why Dotty and I loved this place so much - we always got  toothaches.”

“You’re leaving, aren’t you?”

“These apple ones are nice, but I think the lime is my favourite. Do you think the apple or the lime is nicer?”

“I think you’re leaving, but I also think you’re scared, so you’re pretending that I’m going to leave with you and that’s why you wanted to go to town. You chose the candy shop because this is where you went the first time you left, but this time you’re not coming back. Does that scare you, Fel?”

And here is my favourite paragraph in the whole chapter because <3 what the fuck <3 and if pine trees are a key Felix symbol no they aren’t 👁️ yes they are

cw: falling out a window? pushing yourself out a window? description of bones breaking

The day Felix decides the leave, when the clouds bleed amber, he pushes the scratched mahogany dresser so it lines with the windowsill, lies on top and hangs his head out. It’s never comfortable, but it’s always peaceful: sometimes cars murmur on nearby backroads, sometimes a wind chime flutters, sometimes brush rabbits rustle in shrubbery and they all breathe the same oxygen as him. He closes his eyes, inhales the pine air, and plays God: pushes himself further out, an inch at a time, until his shoulders cross the line and he wonders what bones would break if he fell. Would he break both arms or one, both legs or one? Would he break his spine? Which vertebra would crack, and how many? Would he feel them all in one big strike, or all the individual bones burst like popping candy? Evening breeze whispers against his face and he could do it right now, leap out the window and if he didn’t break his legs or back he could run to the bushes, to the pine trees, to the road, the town over East or West, the county line.

If Felix hit the ground, would it be because of a freak fall, or because he pushed himself out?

We have to laugh because I’m pretty sure I said in my Nano update that this chapter was the strongest so far besides one scene but when I looked back that scene <3 took up 80% of the fucking chapter <3 So I just said fuck it I’ll rewrite the whole thing for fun!!!! And I love it!!! It’s so jarring compared to Chapter One and that’s the point!! Everything is so over saturated and originally that was just to convey the absolute shock Felix gets from the Major Impulsive Life Decision He Just Made, but now I think it’s intentional on his part and it goes back to the idea of the tangible: whilst he didn’t grow up totally isolated this is still a new life for him, and he has nothing to latch onto, so he looks to his surroundings and hyper-focuses and latches onto it because it’s something that’s now tangible and accessible to him so he sees it in this very bright, romanticised way (the romanticisation of San Francisco is very amusing to me but it’s also very relevant). But even with that he still distances himself from this environment still - the same way he did whilst living in the cult. He has no idea how he wants to exist in this world and he doesn’t even know how to exist yet.

And so it became clockwork: eyes burst open at two, three, four in morning, doesn’t bother trying to fall back to sleep. Lurk into the kitchen, make a coffee or water or whiskey. Sit under the fritzing lightbulb with no shade, think about everything and nothing and everything and nothing. Or go for a smoke, inhale the vapours until it hurts his chest, breathe in the cool air until it hurts his teeth, wander around the block until it hurts his feet. Sneak back into a room that doesn’t belong to him in an apartment that doesn’t belong to him in a city that doesn’t belong to him. Count the bumps in the popcorn ceiling until footsteps sneak down the hall – Dorothy leaving a room that doesn’t belong to her. Join his sister back at the kitchen, she complains that they need to replace the lightbulb. Over pulpy orange juice and scrambled eggs on toast, she retells her dream and lists the possible meanings and he lists his plans for that day on how to immerse in the outside world, familiarise himself with the city until it belongs to him. Travel by trolley for the first time, eat seafood at the waterfront for the first time. Bump into a cherry-headed conure parrot by chance. Climb Twin Peaks and gaze at the new view of home. Trace the outline of translucent mountains in the air and pretend you’ll ever hike them; trace the outline of high rises in the air and pretend you know the people in them. He asks Dorothy when he’ll stop feeling like a tourist – she has no answer for him.

(context: Dorothy’s roommate, Jolie, is out of town at this point, so Dorothy tells Felix to take her room whilst she takes Jolie’s and they’ll sort it out later. Dorothy has no problem sleeping in Jolie’s bed because her and Jolie are Very Good Friends)

I also realised that, in the nicest way possible to November me, that this chapter was so damn boring because it’s very dialogue heavy but in every dialogue moment they are literally just 🧍 doing nothing. So I wrote a scene as a half-joke of Just Met Like Three Hours Ago Beau and Felix going to the arcade and it saved this chapter. It is SO fun but it also comes straight after this very emotionally intense moment and it’s really interesting to see that reach its zenith and then just. fizzle out but linger in the background? I love this scene but I also can’t take it too seriously because they play Frogger and @aetherwrites​ joked that the game’s a metaphor for Felix leaving the cult and I love her and hate her because she is so right I can picture the LIT1000 seminar where that analysis would be made unironically and it’d be ME who makes it and I am so close to just running with that for real. Also these two aren’t love at first sight but the chemistry is so loud like did you two meet today or have you been married for eight years and own five dogs together what’s the truth? Anyway here’s Felix murdering Beau on sight 

“You know, you could’ve warned me that you’d be that good,” Beau says.

“It’s not that difficult, you could’ve warned me that you’d be that bad.”

Beau leans across to shuffle through cassette tapes in the glove compartment. “I’m not, you just got lucky. I let you win.”

“But it’s not even competitive. You just died seven times in a row.”

I’m a little unsure of the pacing for this chapter now because its effectiveness lies in the fact it takes place a week after the previous, and my job with this section post-draft is to stretch it out longer since it only spans three weeks. I’m hoping I can make it work where there’s little time between Chapter 1 & 2 but still cover more time in chapters 3-5 because I think that’d be jarring in the best way? Like the absolute intensity of that initial week quickly dissolving and suddenly he’s been living this life for months he didn’t notice go by. Again <3 a problem for post draft me <3

I don’t have much to say about this one because in Nano I didn’t even finish it, and now I have but it’s still <3 giving me trouble <3 - however I’ve realised this is probably the most important chapter at this stage of the novel because it’s the first full chapter with just the twins, trying to have a bonding moment and catch up but only learning that they a) love each other b) can’t stand each other whilst not realising just yet that they are c) extremely co-dependent. I like to call this novel multiple plot threads in a trench coat and that’s definitely it, the twins have their own individual plot threads separate to one another, but if there’s a central plot (and there kinda is?? its a surprise :) ) at its essence is them realising how fucked up their relationship is, but wanting to rectify that and trying to understand the difference between a tangled and toxic relationship. 

This chapter introduces that each character has a key symbol that’s attached to the world somehow and Felix has chapters like these in his arc where he tries to navigate the state of their relationship (so there’s one later on titled “Ocean (Beau)”) and his associations with them. We have to laugh here because I was really like “oh Dorothy is sapphic so I’ll make her obsessed with the moon” but then it became a major symbol in the story <3 Dorothy IS obsessed with the moon, and Felix is frustrated because he can’t see it the way she does and he feels like part of him is missing because of that, when it’s just a different perspective but nooo these two need to have unhealthy co-dependency and then get mad when they’re unhealthily co-dependent on each other :/ Anyway I’d just like to talk about how Felix’s need to be like his sister in this chapter is demonstrated through a symbol that’s attached way more to her than it is to him even though in the prose he describes the moon as this fragile, breakable thing which is the complete opposite as how Dorothy would and lets talk about the blade mirroring the prologue!!!!

He closed an eye and pointed the blade at the moon. If he could, it’d be so easy: surgeons precision, swift wrist flick, carved and plucked from the sky. Laid out on his palm like tissue paper, half translucent and as breakable as skin - a birthday present for Dorothy, if he doesn’t tear it. He’ll try not to, but it’d be so easy.

In further development of the Moon Imagery, I’ve started using a lot of Star Imagery with Felix and a lot of general space imagery in both of their POVs and I’m delighted to say I have no idea what the meta means with that but I like it!! It fits the story very well and they’re probably mirroring each other or something!

This little chapter taught me that I need to be flexible with form <3 this was originally meant to be the final scene of the last chapter, and I was so hyped because it was one of the first scenes I conceptualised, but then it ~sucked~. However I didn’t realise until recently that it sucked because I was writing it in a traditional storytelling form - which most of this book benefits from, but this moment certainly does! not! I’m really glad because I think this book is the perfect playground for experimental form - although here it’s relatively simple though, most of the setup for this happens at the end of the previous chapter and then this is just all the information condensed as much as possible. This chapter is focused on memories so it really works for it to be cut off from the previous which is in the fictive present, and Felix’s perception of memories right now are ~a little jarring~

The final scene of Moon (Dotty) depicts Felix and Dorothy breaking into a park at 4am, promptly having an argument that results in Dorothy leaving, and Felix sat next to a fountain picking pennies out of it and trying to associate a memory with the year on the back - this chapter is those memories and this introduces the fluid relationship characters have with their past. For Felix, he’s seeing the last 20+ years from a bird eyes view in a very sporadic way and it’s starting to sink in that those 20+ years actually Happened. Some of the memories are very distanced, others are as intense as flashbacks, and some are a mixture of the two. This one is very interesting to me because he completely separates himself from the memory halfway through Fel do you wanna talk about this (unfortunately I cannot drop the name because of plot <3)

cw: light/implied homophobia

IN GOD WE TRUST / 1978

The first time Felix held a boys hand was in 1978 in the back pew at morning service. It was the first time [redacted]’s father preached and they got stuck in the back because they arrived late, because they laid in the grass together, wearing each other’s identical pecan coloured blazers as sunrise peeled back the night, and they slunk into the back of service like ghosts everyone could see and maybe they knew why they were late. [Redacted]’s father had a razor voice and he made sure every word sliced into his son and his son interlocked fingers with the boy next to him. His son didn’t look at the boy he held hands with the same way he’ll pretend his blazer is his and not the boys and the same way he didn’t look at the boy the first time they kissed behind the chapel building and the same way he didn’t look at the boy during Bible study for the week after.

Whilst I’d say in Chapter 2 the chemistry between Beau and Felix is as clear as day this is the first instance where Felix’s queerness is explicitly introduced and I’m taking this chance to say this book gets more queer every fucking week. Like I think in the last updates I was like ohhh sexuality doesn’t play much into Felix’s arc and know it’s like 99% of his damn arc and we LOVE it. But at this point he doesn’t realise like when I tell you guys this man is so repressed

I am literally only putting this here because I talk about all the other chapters and it’s weird to me to leave one out. Also because the graphic and title is pretty. Not gonna lie I love making these posts and that is 10% to ramble about meta 90% making pretty graphics that is literally just cropping photos on Unsplash and putting Garamond text over them <3

Anyway this was originally Lessons in Holy and when I revisited that chapter I realised it was so fucking messy and I tried to fix it but it didn’t really work and I’ve been scared to touch it since. However the meta is top notch so here we are - it mirrors Chapter One, Everything Holy, which explores Felix’s decision to leave the cult and with that, leave God. Everything Holy / In San Francisco explores his relationship (or lack thereof) with God and how much Felix’s life has changed since he left - and how “holy” it is. It definitely goes back to the idea of the tangible because the holiness preached to him growing up was not something tangible to him, whereas with this he looks at real life experiences, so he tries to find holiness in that. It also ties with Cyan City and the romanticisation of San Francisco as something tangible and something he can find holiness in, which a) he needs to learn that things don’t have to be “holy” to be valuable and b) it would be a shame if :) he centred everything good about his life around SF and then :) something bad were to happen whilst living in SF :) the way he and Dorothy both do this

My plan for this is basically: Condense The Shit Out Of It. The hardest part about this chapter is it is very thematic and you know as a lit major (derogatory) I love that but with more theme centric chapters the line between subtle and Too Much can be verrryyy thin, but I think focusing on character exploration over theme will fix that pretty easily. I’d also like to separate the Isaias introduction into its own chapter because it’s such an important moment and November me just? Latched it on at the end? And that plus Felix’s crisis in the same chapter is just too much. This chapter is gonna get changed A Lot but for now here’s Felix’s very chill and relaxed ending to his POV section :)

cw: drowning, drug mention

Felix didn’t speak to God for three weeks and everything unholy became holy: the coffee scorching his throat, the kaleidoscopic t-shirts and high waisted jeans, the punk rock they play at the record store – loud and electric. It’s unholy, but he sleeps through the night now, he folds coloured card into butterflies at breakfast and scribbles biro eyes over the newspaper's sudoku on his lunch break. He earns money and he spends a pinch of it on himself: on new wave records and playing cards and earrings he can’t wear yet. Sometimes he buys marijuana it’s not a sin because marijuana means he only smokes tobacco twice a day now – one at breakfast, one before bed. He bar hops with Beau on Saturdays and hikes with Dorothy on Sundays and he tells strangers he studies American Literature and he smiles with his eyes more and nobody notices that somebody’s holding his head underwater. And he doesn’t know whose hand it is, but it knows how to grip tight. And he doesn’t know how to swim, but he knows how to swallow water. And he doesn’t know if this is the punishment or the sin because the water stings his eyes but he chooses to keep them open, and the water will tangle in his lungs but he chooses to keep his mouth open. And hellfire can’t touch him under here, so he’ll keep swallowing water and it’ll burn him in a different way, and he’ll like how it scorches his throat.

(Once again context I didn’t share because I don’t like the writing that talks about it: Felix has a deep fear of drowning from past trauma, but he’s also very obsessive about it and often imagines himself drowning.)

(also the way these excerpts are just showing off my love for repetition my Intro to Creative Writing Tutor that called repetition lazy is seething rn!!!!)

Overall though, I’m v happy with how this section came out now that I actually know what the story is! As I’ve finished drafting it, I have noticed where the missing plot beats are and this is what I expected because I Do Not have a lot of experience with novels (I’ve never passed 15k on a novel before so we’re in new territory now) and generally struggle to see beats before I finish a draft. I’m thinking there’s at least one chapter missing and maybe a shorter one, like MSATBOTF, but I won’t be touching this section again until I finish the draft. Most of all I learnt a lot about the story’s form and I’m excited to play with that and be a bit more flexible! 

I’m currently drafting Indigo, the first chapter in Dorothy’s POV, and I was going to talk more about it but this post is too long and the next update will be <3 all about her <3. But the chapter introduces her and Jolie’s tumultuous relationship and here’s a lil peak! 

Me, a sapphic, capable of writing happy sapphic relationships: 

Me instead: 

cw: light/implied homophobia

If she didn’t display the ticket on the bedside table - like she had something to prove - she could have easily been in Dallas, in New York, London, Cannes, Moscow, Tokyo, Cairo, Sydney. But wherever she went, Dorothy and Jolie have had four airport reunions before today - four times they’ve had to soften themselves, disguise themselves. Old high school friend flying in to be her maid of honour, college roommates who don’t see each other as a day past eighteen, pen pals reuniting for the first time since the seventies, business trip colleagues in casualwear. The fifth time, there’s nothing to hide, and as they walk to the car, Dorothy has to wonder: if they were seen by nobody, would Jolie have hugged her with both arms? Would she have kissed her? Would Dorothy kiss back?

I’m midway through this chapter, so I’ll keep the rest of it for the next update! That I promise won’t be in three months!

If you read through all of this then I am in love with you <3 

#i'd say im sorry this is so long but it was so fun to write so i'm not! #also pls be proud i cut 2k words from this bc i RAMBLED #atlastracking #writeblr #writing update #revelations revelations

[af1899]

So, about the New Heroes of Oct/2021

Pretty sure they've been posted around here by now but I wanted to share some thoughts and plans on what I'll do, first of, le trailer:

As for my thoughts (as well as some insight and results when pulling for Erinys and Jill), since they usually get quite lengthy, I'll just hide them below, feel free to read on if you like, and I hope there's anything you could find useful!

As a bonus, there's an analysis on how I understood [Hardy Fighter 3]!

About the banner

This update will add the guys that once served Hardin (a.k.a.: Coyote) in the Akaneia sub-series (the Wolfguard), you first see them as a playable squad in the very first installment of the series, which would later be remade for the SNES as the first book of Mystery of the Emblem, then in book 2, they make a comeback as enemies, when Marth is leading his army to defeat Hardin, the Wolfguard surprises him and tries to defend Hardin, but they're eventually swayed to join Marth once again.

Malice is kind of random since she doesn't have anything to do with the Wolfguard, but it's good to see her here and someone had to fill the fifth spot if not Turbant Hardin (but this banner is based on New Mystery of the Emblem, so it makes sense he's not here), regardless, I do hope Malice's quotes will feel in character, you can read more about her here, there's no need to worry about spoilers since there's hardly any information about her.

And yes, I generalized this as "the update" because Sedgar (the remaining member of the Wolfguard not in the banner) will also be added but as a [Grand Hero Battle] unit, he'll be available in two days.

Then, there's Vyland, he's not in the banner but his sprite appears at 2:01 in the trailer, revealing he's an axe cavalry unit, pretty weird if you ask me since he's not even able to use axes originally, unless reclassed to certain clases (but none is mounted), but that's I.S. for you: "InconSistency", anyway...

Fjorm introduces herself as an "Ascended Hero"... well, I didn't see that categorization coming, but interesting I guess.

I'm suppossing we'll see those in limited amounts, as they seem to be upgraded versions of existing characters (probably only the OCs of the game for now, next would likely be Laegjarn) that were granted power from the Gods (Nifl granted power to Fjorm so that she fights Múspell and his champion warrior (Laegjarn) as we could see in the [Ice & Flame] series of events).

I wouldn't blame you if you're confused on what her B-skill does, I'm not fan of long paragraphs of text either.

Anyway, a breakdown of what this does:

It'll always ensure your foe can't make the guaranteed follow-up attacks from skills that grant those under a certain condition.

On turn 1, if the user is hit with an special skill then the user gets a cooldown reductions to theirs by -2.

On any turn, if the foe hits the user and this makes the user trigger their defensive special skill (i.e. [Escutcheon] and any that reduces damage by a set percentage) its damage reduction effect will be improved.

For example, Ascendant Fjorm has [Ice Mirror] which reduces damage taken from foe's next ranged strike by 30% when activated, then the remaining potential damage (the other 70%) would be reduced by another 30% as [Ice Mirror] would activate twice on a foe's ranged strike, when it's ready, this makes up for a reduction of 50%.

Let's take a look at a simulated attack from some random {Blade} weapon user, let's pretend they would normally deal 40 damage in an attack and Ascendant Fjorm will activate [Ice Mirror]:

Even if the numbers aren't accurrate, I'm fairly certain this is how [Hardy Fighter 3] is going to work more or less.

Would this affect the damage boost for the retaliation attack? I think so, but they said that the special skill activations are calculated separately, so chances are the special skill will only take the base 30% it reduces or the whole damage reduction [Hardy Fighter 3] adds, we'll see after some testing tomorrow, if I can do it, or thanks to someone else testing it for us.

Anyway, holy crap... this is a long paragraph and such a gimmicky effect, it's probably going to be quite useful but I'm probably going to prefer good ol' [Special Fighter 3] or one of the older skills in the family, [Hardy Fighter 3] is great to make your unit even beefier, but it might be slightly hard to use, and requires your unit uses a defensive special, which can come at cost of using others like [Aether] or [Sol].

The new upgrade material

Right... we're talking about the [Ascendant Florets], these will allow your unit to have up to two stat boons (meaning you can only use them once per unit), every player will get a free one plus the second one will come through if you can secure one Ascendant Fjorm (we can get one [Ascendant Floret] the first time we get a new Ascended Hero, and no more are given if you get more copies of that Ascended Hero).

As you can already infer, this resource is going to be extremely scarce and valuable, so exercise additional caution and tought when using those, give it to the unit you're sure use often and think could use two stat boons. Personally, I'm torn between Idoun and Legendary Julia getting an speed boon, both could use it somehow, or I could give it to someone else, but I'm completely uncertain myself, so it'll take me some time to come up with who will receive it, we'll see.

Also, it's worth noting that Ascended Heroes can get a second boon for free, so you won't need to spent [Ascendant Florets] on them.

After knowing this, what we can infer about Ascended Heroes?

They're likely going to be based on characters originary to Fire Emblem Heroes (OC = original character).

Whether or not this is true, they'd be versions of Heroes who were granted great power, most likely from a deity.

They can get a second stat boon for free.

They're going to be part of the regular pool.

This status is moreso related to lore than anything, the only benefit in a gameplay standpoint is the free second stat boon and that they're not going to be summonable only when they're focus units.

So, what do I think of all this?

Well... this sure is all a welcome surprise, for once, I'm glad I.S. remembered the Wolfguard, I'm not attached to any of them, so I could skip them easily if I wanted to.

Malice, however, could be interesting, I love purple in general and she's pretty, but I'm not sure how to feel about her, since she doesn't get much interaction in New Mystery of the Emblem, but I do hope the quotes will give me a good idea of what's she like, either way, I feel hopeful she'll be a project of mine.

I'm also relieved that Ascendant Heroes will have their own classification, we can expect them to not to hog the spot of a Legendary/Mythic Hero.

With how the story on [Ice & Flame 4] went by, and the fact we're again getting first Special Heroes then New Heroes the next month, it's most safe to assume the next episode will focus on Laegjarn, and have her become an Ascendant Hero that'll be advertised the same way and made playable around mid-November.

However, my brain can never accept how I.S. chooses to name banners even if that will not change, I simply can't stand how they name those like... "New Heroes & Ascended Fjorm", but it's well-known to me they want to advertise the OCs and disregard the rest of the newly added characters, and it's no news to me this practice still goes on for at least a year and a half. Oh well... just a little molested about this but I eventually forget it and move on.

Onto a positive point, we're getting some celebrational stuff for the addition of the new hero type, including two free 5★ copies of Vyland with [Unbound Axe+], double [SP] and [EXP] multipliers, rewards from quests (3 [Orbs] and 300 of each {Dragonflower} kind, plus some more other unnamed rewards that'll be known later) and twelve reruns for banners and some of the more recent [Grand Hero Battles] (twelve of them too), you can find every detail about the celebrational events in this archived notification. Anyway, these are all appreciated rewards, nice!

And overall, this banner doesn't feel like the units will be really broken, some are strong, but not gamebreaking, Fjorm is still an armored axe user with some interesting skills to take on all sorts of magical units and some other ranged threats, but ultimately, she falls prey to melee red units, I know Idoun will be an example of an easy counter (high DEF and effectiveness).

And I liked the choices for sure! Even though I'm not personally attached to anyone at the Wolfguard.

Also, it's worth nothing Roshea has a reskinned version of [Courtly Candle+].

I rate this update: 9/10

Plans and summoning results

First of, I almost recklessly throw everything at the {Rein} skills banner, I really adore Erinys and Jill and was hoping I could get merges on both, but things didn't go too well for the cost:

Prior to the trailer, I pulled on three blue stones, totalling 8 [Orbs], when it dropped, I had thought (after some time) that I'd divide my [Orb] savings between this banner and the New Heroes one if I end up sparking for Ascendant Fjorm or Malice since I'd pull on every color, this was a good plan and would probably give me some great fodder along the way.

So, I went with pulling for Jill and Erinys, the former came in the sole green stone when I started to pull after I saw the trailer, this means she came after 13 [Orbs], and with okay IVs too. I got quite some appreciation for Jill and love her design, so I want to make of her a project.

Then, my rate was going up to 4.5%, but before it got to raise again, a Lugh appeared and lowered it to 3.5%, so I bailed out and thought who could get his fodder, eventually I decided that my favorite tactician would use it better:

And besides, I never could get much fodder for her, so it makes me happy to be able to revamp her kit with new stuff, even if she won't use everything she gets, I just want to treat her to something nice.

But I've come to regret deeply pulling past getting Jill, since I saw the news about the celebrational stuff on a random visit to Reddit to look for fanart after I pulled (including the schedule of banners here), and this came to attention:

This is really a bummer, since I have 133 [Orbs] as of this post, with most of the ones I had previously used on the {Rein} skills banner now gone, but since this banner is only going to be live for 24 hours and considering what I have left, I'll just summon in all available red stones in the first round (otherwise just free summon on whatever color), then back to saving it'd be.

The short duration kind of mitigates the damage since pulling at a banner lasting this little unprepared is most unwise ― it still hurts to skip a rerun of my best girl, but I can move on with ease.

So, if I end up feeling interested for Malice, I'll proceed to spark on the Wolfguard banner for either her or Ascendant Fjorm, otherwise I'll just keep saving for later!

And my free summon today was on red, didn't get anything but Idc.

This turned out to be longer than initially expected

However, there has been a lot of content to put into the table I wanted to talk about, I really like writing about the topics I like and I feel like I don't always have what it takes to convey a message in fewer words, so I apologize if you find this all too much to read, even though some parts are of course optional.

Still, if you took some time to read even some parts of this post, I'm definitely grateful for it, thanks so much! And regardless, I hope you'll get lucky in the coming banners.

Also, as a side note, I've reached 100 posts! (But some of them are reblogs)

#feh #fe heroes #fire emblem heroes #fe fjorm #fire emblem new mystery of the emblem